#I DIDNT FORGET HIS STUPID HAT THIS TIME WHO CHEERED

[karamazovanon]

"Let's see Pyotr Petrovich's card."

(another american psycho raskolnikov to go with the first one!!)

[friendlyfaceseverywhere-sp-blog]

Chapter 1: Party At Cartman’s

          The last week of August and the end of summer had finally came to South Park. Stan’s Marsh phone alarm played a nice, peaceful and relaxing tune, which was the opposite of what his mornings looked like, but the volume was high enough to wake him up. Stan opened his eyes and was about to press the snooze button, thinking five more minutes of sleep wouldnt disturb his routine, but stopped when He saw there was a message from his best friend Kyle Broflovski. He opened the chat and read “Ready for another year of torture?”

           Stan laugh. “And do we have a choice?” was his reply, knowing Kyle would probably chuckle like He did on the other side. He gave up sleeping five more minutes longer and stood up, walking towards the bathroom to wash his face, but was abruptly pushed before He could enter by the stupid She-Ogre He knew as his older sister. Shelly would just return to the college campus for classes in september and Stan couldnt avoid thinking if it was about time for her to go away. Have her home some weekends was bad... But everyday was almost too much to bear.

- God dammit Shelly! Do you have to do this everyday? – Stan shouted from outside the bathroom, knocking on the locked door. His sister had grew a lot. She didnt used braces anymore and had gave a update to her looks, at least the possible, but her bad attitude had stayed the same. Shelly opened the door, almost hitting Stan’s face with it, to respond.

- Shut up Turd! I’m going out! – and she closed it again almost breaking it. The noise made Stan’s mom, Sharon, soon appear to ask what was going on, but the boy Just sighed and went back to his room. He packed his school stuff and changed his clothes while waited for Shelly to come out of the bathroom.

           He placed his jacket, a The Who shirt, clean jeans and his red converse Chuckies above his bed. He opened the drawer e there it was, carefully stored, his trade Mark: The red poof Ball hat. He throw the little thing with the others at the same moment He saw Shelly passing irritated through the hallway while his mother followed her screaming. Finally He could use the bathroom.

             About twenty minutes later, Stan got to the bus stop, not the same one He and his friends used to hang when they were kids, despite being practically the same thing. All sights in South Park looked alike. When He got there, Kenny and Cartman were laughing, while Kyle had his arms crossed glaring at the other two. – Hey guys. – Stan Said smiling to Kyle, who Just sigh and got closer to his Best friend.

- Hey dude... – Kyle seemed frustrated and Stan knew the reason. He knew why his other two friends were laughing their guts out and it was the same reson that placed that expression on Kyle’s face.

           A week ago, to celebrate summer’s ending, Cartman threw a huge party for everyone in class on his basement. Eric Cartman’s basement had always been the Best place for such stuff... It was big, had an extra bathroom and Liane, his mom, never seemed bothered with all the shit they’ve done down there. The whole sophomore class appeared, Kenny had got the booze and the pot with his contacts and everything was going as planned.

           Stan and Kyle were sitting in the staircase that lead to the basement waiting for Wendy Testaburguer, Stan’s girlfriend, arrive. The Black-haired boy was anxious, since she had spent most of her Summer travelling with her parents. Kenny, Cartman and the others that had arrived already, were downstairs having fun. Watching this, Kyle seemed nervous about something.

- Youre gonna try tonight Kyle? – Stanley asked with a smirk on his face as Kyle turned to him widening his eyes for a second.

- Uh? I dont know what youre talking about...

- The pot dude... I’m asking if youre gonna try it. You Said your parents would be out tonight. – Stan gave a brief look towards Ike, playing with his phone in a couch. Since the Broflovskis were out, Kyle had to bring him to the party.

- I dont know dude... My mom would kill me if she discovered i’ve smoked. – He took a deep breath before continuing. – I know Ike wont say a Word, but i dont know... You know how she gets when she’s angry.

           Stan opened his mouth to say something to his Best friend, but they both turn their heads at the same time hearing the door above the stairs opening. Wendy and Bebe passed through it and the Black-haired girl froze as soon as she saw her boyfriend waiting. Stan smiled and patted Kyle’s shoulder friendly. – You know i support whatever your decision is, right? – and before the red-haired could reply, Stan stood up and went up to where Wendy was.

- Hey babe! How was your trip? – He asked already pulling her into a hug. Wendy seemed nervous about something, and her fake smile showed that.

           Kyle, who could see Wendy’s expression, watched the scene confused, standing up as well. Bebe passed through him shooking her head. – This ain’t gonna be cool... – she sighed already knowing the kinda talk her bestie would have with her boyfriend next. Kyle turned to her listening this, getting even more perplexed now since according to Stan, the two of them seemed to be ok until the previous Day, at least He Said Wendy seemed to miss him in their messages.

- Bebe... What...

- Have you seen Clyde, Ky? – Bebe asked and the jewboy only pointed to where the football team captain and the blonde’s boyfriend was. Soon He also went down there leaving Stan and Wendy alone.

 - Everything was fine Stan... I had lots of fun. – Wendy replied stepping away from his hug. She was acting weird.

- Is everything ok? Something happened? – Stan asked noticing this. He hoped his girl would be anxious to see him again, just like He was. He hoped that she would be happy and willing to tell him the news about her trip and that they would spend na amazing night together at the party. But the words that came out from Wendy’s mouth next made Stan’s heart stop beating for a second.

- Can we... Talk? – she said in a uncertain and not a bit thrilling tone. – I mean... Alone?

 - Whats wrong with your face Kyle? – Kenny asked when He saw the jew coming downstairs with some worry on his eyes. He looked up towards Stan and Wendy while going down, and bit his lip nervously when He saw Stan’s smile vanishing, before He agreed with his head and followed Wendy out of the basement.

- It’s just... I think Wendy is going to break up with Stan. – He said grabbing a pop for himself while Kenny raised na eyebrown. He understood why Kyle seemed worried about this since Stan always ended up devastated everytime He had a fight with his girlfriend and them splitted apart for a while. None of them could forget the goth kids episode. Kenny got a bottle of vodka and added some to Kyle’s cup.

- Guess we’re gonna need more of this to comfort him later then, huh? – He said with a little sigh. Kyle looked at his cup and scratched his neck.

- I dont know if i should Kenny... Ike’s here and... – He thought for an instant. Why not? He wanted to be able to help his Best friend upstairs, but theres nothing He could do at the moment. Maybe when He came back, if what He was thiking truly happened, Kyle could cheer him up a little bit. – Alright... But let’s get slow... You know Stan has a problem with alcoohol.

- I have some weed here too... – Kenny said patting his parka’s pocket where probably the joints were. The smirk on his face showed the other the exact words that were about to come out of his mouth. – You said you were gonna try tonight, Kyle.

             Wendy guided Stan to Cartman’s backyward. Usually, there was the parties Make out spot. Of course, couples used to kiss and fool around down the basement as well, but true action happened there, under the stars. Stan and Wendy had kissed in Cartman’s backyward before but they never reached the ultimate goal, He respected her too much to try doing anything without her giving a sign first. In reality, He didnt fell secure enough to go more ahead than what they had done by that point.

           A girl placed her hands in her coat’s pockets. Despite still being Summer, South Park managed to be to coldest town in all Colorado. She sighed without facing him, just looking at the starry sky, nervous with something Stan couldnt identify. – Wendy... What do you wanna talk about? – she suddenly firm her feet and turn her head to him.

- Stan... We need to take a break.

           Complete silence. Stan tilted his head to the side confused for a few seconds staring at his girlfriend not knowing how to react. E then He chuckled. It was a quick one tho, since Wendy’s expression didnt change. – Wait... You’re being serious? B-But why?!

- I’ve been thinking during this trip... You know? I need a break to think, thats all. – she replied shyly looking to the ground. She hated having to do that. But at the same time, it was needed, doubts came on her head during vacation and she needed to find a solution to it without Stan interfering, even without meaning it. – Please... You need to understand.

- You’ve met someone on the trip, don’t you? Thats what happened? Thats why you’re acting weird? – He asked leaning onto her and gently taking her hands, which made him stare at his eyes one more time. – Wendy... Please don’t do this to me again... I... I love you...

           She stopped and her eyebrows curved in a sad way. She slightly and carefully touched his face. – And i love you too. Thats why i have to do this, because i don’t wanna hurt you more than necessary. I need a break Stanley... – her voice was firm and decisive. – And no... I didnt met anyone on the trip. I just... Need you to respect what i’m asking you.

           She took a deep sigh gazing deeply inside his eyes, before releasing his hands and pass through him, returning back into the house. Stan’s shoulders dropped while he stared at nothing ahead of him with wide eyes, shocked, without understanding how in a matter of minutes he went from “Cute messages of missing you” to “We need to take a break”. He had no Idea how longer he stayed there staring at nothing in particular, but he discovered later that it was for awhile, cause Kenny opened the glass door that gave access to the backyard, holding himself to not have a laughter attack.

- HAHA! STAN! – he couldnt stop laughing. – You have to come see the shit Kyle’s doing! S-Stan... – Kenny stopped in front of his friend, finally seeing his desolate expression. – Uh... Stan? What happened?

- Wendy... She... She... – Stan tried to speak, but the words simply didnt came out. He felt his body being pulled into a hug all of sudden. Kenny sighed releasing him a few seconds later.

- I’m so sorry dude...

           Stan felt terrible. If at least he knew why Wendy did this to him, maybe he could stand the fact better. Kenny was a good friend and for sure, at least as far as possible, his hug had helped. Perhaps if he went to hang with his friends... Wait a minute. Stan’s sad face changed to confused in just one second. – What did you said about Kyle?

 - ALRIGHT, MOTHERFUCKERS! WHEN I SAY CARTMAN, YOU SAY FATASS! – Kyle was standing above the junk food table, wearing only his underwear and hat. His voice sounded drunk and a little bit higher than usual. Kyle already had the most high pitched voice among all his male friends, but that was too much.

           Kenny returned with Stan to the basement and just when he saw Kyle, he couldnt contain his laugh. Stan’s eyes got wide seeing his Best friend completely high and screaming almost naked in front of everybody. That wasnt Kyle, or at least, it wasnt how Kyle acted. All the others had similiar reactions to what was going on: Or they were laughing or they were shocked. Cartman didnt seemed to care that mosto of the shit coming out of the jew’s mouth were poorly directed to him. At the moment, the fat kid hold onto Heidi, his girlfriend, while filming Kyle making a fool of himself with his Iphone. – That’s totally going to my Twitter. – Eric laugh evil.

- My god Kenny... What the fuck did you gave him? – Stan asked, a mix of worry and giggle on his voice. Kenny laughed out loud in return, showing the other joint he had.

- Looks like our friend Kyle kept his promise, huh Stan?

           Wendy was one of the people looking at Kyle without knowing how to react. For a second, she glanced at Stan, but quickly the boy looked away and went to the table where Kyle danced ridiculously. – Kyle, you have to get down from there dude. – Stan said reaching his arms towards his Best friend so he could come down without falling or getting hurt.

- Hey Stan! Hey everybody! This is my Best friend Stan! – Kyle said almost tripping and falling from the table, but Stan managed to hold him and put him down safely before that could happen. – Ah... Dude... Your eyes are puffy... – Kyle stopped smiling and touched Stan’s face dizzily. – She broke up with you, didnt she? I’m so sorry Stan! – and then he hugged him.

Stanley wanted to talk with Kyle about it. During his whole life, that boy was always there to help him, but he knew the red haired didnt had conditions at the moment. He sighed and asked someone next to the scene to pass him Kyle’s clothes that were on the floor. – C’mon man... Lets get you home. Lets go Ike!

Stan went away without saying bye to most people. In the end, Kyle’s little show had gave him an excuse to leave... After what happened, the last thing he wanted was partying. When they got to Kyle’s house, on the other side of the street, Stan carefully placed him on his bed with Ike’s help. He thanked Jesus for their parents being out.

- God dammit... Hey Ike, i think i’m spending the night. Just in case Kyle doesnt feel good... And he has no conditions of... – Stan stopped talking when he heard voices that sounded much alike the ones he heard at the party coming from Ike’s phone. – Ike?

- Uh? Oh, sure, no problem. – Ike replied laughing and showing his phone screen. It was a vídeo of Kyle’s show at the party, posted three minutes ago on Eric Cartman’s Twitter Page. – Its online already.

           Stan took a deep breath, rolling his eyes thinking how Cartman could be such an asshole. He looked at Kyle knowing how ashamed he would be in the morning, despite him looking so peaceful sleeping now. – Alright Ike... You should go rest. We’ll figure this out tomorrow ok? The sleeping bag is still in the closet?

           Stan layed on the floor next to Kyle’s bed, curling himself at the thick Terrance & Phillip sleeping bag. He smiled a bit remembering how happy they both were when got that gift. Soon he frowned tho, thinking about Wendy and what happened at the party. Why did she had to do that with him? Why didnt she gave him a reason? He heard Kyle moving on his bed and then released a groan.

- You better be ok in the morning to hear me mourn Kyle...

- Stan? Are you listening to me? – Kyle asked waving his hand in front of his Best friend’s face, that looked completely lost in thoughts.

- Uh? What? – he asked snapping out of it. He was inside the bus already heading to school with Kyle sitting by his side.

- You didnt heard a single Word i said, right? – the red haired kid asked with a bored look. Stan stuttered to reply, which made Kyle sit straight in his seat with his arms crossed. – Nevermind...

           Stan felt bad for a second. He’d been thinking about Wendy and what happened for the last minutes, not realizing his surroundings. In fact, he and the girl havent spoken to each other in a week, ever since the talk in Cartman’s yard. The boy relaxed in his seat sighing sadly gazing at the view from his window. – I know you were problably cursing Cartman for being an ass and posting that vídeo. He’s really a jerk... I’m sorry about it and i’ll help you solve this shit. Is just...

- The thing with Wendy, right? – Kyle said suddenly. The two boys knew each other time enough to know exactly what the other was thinking without much effort. Stan looked back to his friend. – I know dude... It sucks. But you told me she just wanted a time. Didnt she said she loved you?

- Well... Yeah, she said. But i dont know... She seemed so... – the bus stopped in front of South Park High and the doors opened so the students could come out. But Stan couldnt stand. He saw something outside the bus the simply freeze his movements. Wendy was sitting at the stairs in front of the building with a big book in one of her hands... Because the other side of the book was being held by a blonde kid around their age that was extremely familiar. -...Distant...

           Kyle looked from the window seeing the same scene. The boy was close to Wendy. Too close. The two of them seemed to be talking about the book and she seemed happy with this kid’s company. Kyle lifted an eyebrown, having the same sensation of familiarity. The blonde curly hair thrown back, fancy outfits and that smart air he exibited over Wendy... It reminded them a lot about this kid they’ve met years ago, when they were just eight, and that had went study with them. Kyle’s eyes widen when his mind reproducted the words “La Resistance” and he could, finally, identify who this guy was.

- Gregory... – he said making Stan turn to him abruptly.

- Hey, you two have to come down! – the bus driver yelled making them realize they were the only ones left inside. The boys quickly took their stuff and did as the man said. Kyle tried to pull Stan as far as possible from where Wendy was with Gregory, maybe head to their lockers and get over with that, but Stan couldnt avoid giving his girlfriend, or ex, a look with all the sadness from his body.

           For a moment, Wendy faced him back, and the joy vanished from her face. She looked embarassed to the ground while Kyle kept trying to pull him away. But he knew there was no sense in spare him since his heart was probably already broken.

             Eric Cartman was walking towards his locker with his usual egocentric air. He wasnt among the youngest in school anymore, actually, he was practically a veteran if you think well. It was like he owned this territory by now. He spotted Heidi Turner, his longdate gilfriend, searching for something inside her locker, and, even tho he wasnt seeing her face, he knew she was excited to see him. They were more attached than ever, since a week ago, after the incredible party in his house that he liked to call “High Kyle’s show” they went it on inside his room. Probably the best day of his whole life, not only for seeing Kyle humiliating himself, but because he lost his virginity, all in one night. It was too good to be true.

           When he reached her, Cartman hugged her from behind, gripping her waist and lifting her up softly. Heidi gasped startled, tooking a fright when he lifted her, but when she looked back and saw her boyfriend, her face turned angry. She shook her legs and kicked him lightly to be released. – Let me go Eric!

           Cartman released her, getting confused. He chuckled sarcastically. – Wow... Looks like someone is on a bad mood today. Are you on your period or something?

           Heidi shut her locker madly, which made Cartman shut his mouth. He had seem her pissed before, despite being rare, and he didnt liked at all. He kept perplexed while she faced him almost like she was about to attack him. – I dont wanna talk to you! – she yelled suddenly and started to walk away. Cartman ran and grip on her arm.

- Hey! Wait a second, what have i done? – he asked not understanding. Heidi’s face got even angrier, burning bright red. After a few seconds she opened up.

- You want to explain to me why everybody knows what we’ve done last week? – she screamed pulling her arm away from his touch. Cartman’s eyes widen, as he placed his hands on his pockets.

- I... I dont know what youre talking about, Heidi...

- Dammit Eric! I asked you to not tell anyone! – she stamp her feet on the floor with tears on her eyes.  

- And i didnt! – he screamed back, some people were staring at them both, before turning their faces and leave. Heidi crossed her arms, not buying not even a bit of that. – Well... Maybe i’ve told the guys... And Butters... And Clyde. I mean, i had to tell Clyde, right? Oh yeah... I told Jimmy too...

           He stopped when she suddenly pushed him and his fat body hit the floor. – Youre an idiot! Now everybody looks at me knowing what happened! Dont you ever speak to me! Its over Eric! – and then she returned to march nervously away from him.

- Fuck you Heidi! Thats right, go away and leave me here, laying on the floor! – Cartman yelled seeing her move away. Noticing she didnt hesitate a single step and just disappeared by the end of the hallway, ignoring him completely, he sighed heavily, still with an irritated expression, laying the rest of his body on the floor too. – Crap...

OH MY GOD I’M SOOO HAPPY HAHA! So yeah, this was the first chapter. Hope you guys enjoyed. Feel free to comment, share and talk to me or Mary about it cause it really makes us want post more and more about this!!  

*THIS AU BELONGS ENTIRELY TO ME (@maryramos) AND MY FRIEND (@m-tonks). If repost, please give credit to us and make sure to follow our page for more content of it!*

[pappycat89]

So, talking about early life and some of the things that im pretty sure fucked me up for adult life. under a cut cos boy will it be long and poorly written *finger guns*

i was gonna do this as like a timeline of things that happened, with explanations and shit, but instead im just gonna do a highlight reel, cos why not

My brother and i used to share a room for years, including when my younger brother and sister were born, grew up, and then got their own rooms while luke and i had to share a room into our teens. we fought, a lot, because we were kids and also stupid

when we were sharing a room it would become a huge mess, mostly because we were preteens and why would we put away the toys we were always playing with? anyways, our stepdad would often give us an hour to clean our rooms, which would have been plenty of time if we didnt get distracted by out toys, as kids do. if we didnt get it cleaned in time (which we pretty much never did) we would get flogged. not like a gentle smack to enforce we’d done something wrong (like how you might smack a friends arm when they say something wrong or offensive) but full on belting, often with some kind of tool. he broke a couple duster over our backsides. we would sob for ages afterwards, and often rush around or hide when we heard him coming because we were afraid

i was afraid of him physically hurting me even after i was an adult. i think i was 20 before i had had enough and decided if he ever touched me again i’d fight back. when i was 16 i wanted my eyebrow pierced. he told me if i ever did he would tear it from my face. i got it done when i moved out at 19, and had a panic attack the first time i had to go home because i was 100% convinced he would. my mum had to pull me aside after dinner to tell me he wouldn’t, but to be honest i didnt really believe her

i have two younger step siblings, who were treated as angels, while my brother and i were treated like shit constantly. When my step-brother threw a tantrum and threatened my brother and me with a knife, he got a ‘talking to’, but not before my brother and me were screamed at for being shitty brothers (his temper tantrum was because we kept telling him he had to clean his room before our parents got him. he never did clean it)

once, my step brother was given 3 days to clean his room. days after the deadline, my mum told put her foot down. My girlfirend and i (i had moved out at this point) were visiting and helping get the place ready for xmas. My step brother refused to clean, screamed at me when i reminded him he only had today to do it, literally went crying to mum when she got home from work. I got yelled at,, by both mum and my step dad, until my grilfriend stepped in to defend me. apparently my step brother had told them i hit him, yelled at him and locked him in his room. at this point in my life, i literally couldnt give a shit whether he cleaned his room or not as i didnt live there, so all i did was remind him and let it go

for a few months when i was 18 i worked with my stepdad at a steel mill (the pay was almost worth deal with his bullshit). i had made plans a week in advance to go out with friends, and asked my stepdad multiple times to warn me in advance if i had to work the next day. the day of going out came, i told him that if i had to work to let me know by 10pm, because i would have enough time to come home and be functional for work. He never got in contact, so i stayed out all night and crashed at a friends place. 5am comes around and i get an angry phone call from my mum. my stepdad was pissed that i was out and wasnt ready for work. She knew that i had asked to be told by 10pm, but they both had ‘forgot’, and it was my fault, because i should have come home anyway. this was not the last time they would forget to tell me my shifts (my stepdad literally gave everyone their shifts, he had no excuse). i ended up getting picked up and dragged to work (i was too afraid of him to say no at this point) and went to work very hungover, which was very dangerous at a steel mill, but i was so afraid of him beating me that i put up with it

During my preteens i was part of an athletics club. i liked it, and enjoyed the field events far more then the track events. i hated running, because i would get really bad shin splints. no one believed me, and mum thought i was just lazy. i got into the regional championships for discus and high jump, and state for javelin. everyone was excited for me to go, but when i didnt place no one talked about it again. i felt so guilty over failing i stopped trying as hard. i did well at the weekly events, but never well enough to compete again.

i played soccer for years until mum got a weekend job and couldnt take us. my teammates thought i was useless and would never let me have the ball. one day, when we were short people, i got placed as a forward. i kept up with the others, and even scored a few goals. i got cheered for that game, and finally thought i would be accepted and make friends, but then the next week was back on the bench

similar happened when is started playing basketball instead of soccer (it ran on weeknights instead of weekends). i almost gave up until one of my teammates pulled me aside and actually tested me. when he found i could play, he started including me in games, passing to me and teaching me better techniques. i crushed on him so hard before i even knew what that meant. i never saw him again after that season, so when the next season came with an almost all new team, mixed with the emotional strain of school, i gave up on sports

school was very hard for me growing up. i got bullied alot through both primary and high school (even university, but by that point it didnt bother me as much)

i was a very sensitive child. i would cry whenever i felt too much of any emotion, including happiness. People told me for years to ‘suck it up’, to stop crying, or better, that they’d ‘give me something to cry about’. this lead to me bottling my emotions and literally beating myself whenever i would cry that i physically couldnt shed a tear for over a decade.

i felt so disconnected from everyone in my life that when i was around 12 i decided to try to kill myself. being a stupid kid i thought i could hold my breath until i died. i tried 3 times over about 6 months. it never clicked that it wouldnt work, i just became more scared of death then i did of my bullies.

i ran away from school twice in the same year. the first time one of my bullies set off a cap gun next to me, then started yelling about how i did it. i was so afraid of getting in trouble, not just by my teacher, but by my parents that i just ran. i ended up coming back to the school 30 mins later, after both my parents and the police had been called. no one wanted to hear why i had done it, they just wanted to be angry that i left school grounds.

i dont remember why i did it the second time, but i was gone maybe 5 mins before i came back, fearing not only my parents but the police this time. i knew i would be in worse trouble, but i just couldnt be in the school anymore.

one time, when we had a sex education class, i explained to a ‘friend’ that i didnt like talking about this stuff, cos it made me feel weird (not in a sexual way, but like, grossed out weird) he told everyone i got an erection in class, and people called me boner boy for months. that was actually not long before i tried to commit suicide for the first time

i thought things would be better in high school because i went to a different school then everyone i knew (i missed my friends, but i figured id get a new start). instead i got bullied from day one. the jockish kids in my class saw i was an easy target because at this point i still cried at the drop of a hat. some of those bullies from day one bullied me all the way through to senior year.

as i hit puberty i stopped being so emotional (well, i bottle it up more) and instead became angry at everything. i would lash out at everyone, and when i couldnt lash out at people i hit things. i split my knuckles on walls and doors many times

once, in the library, one of my bullies stole my wallet. he took all the money out, then threw the empty wallet at me and laughed. i snapped and threw the chair i was sitting on at him. i missed, but he dropped the money. i got sent to the vice principals office, where i explained what happened. he called in the other boy, who denied it all. no one else had seen, so i got in trouble and he got off

it was in highschool that i learnt that pain could help clear the bad feelings from my head, and started to self harm. i hated the feeling of cutting, so i burned myself, or scratched mosquito bites and small cuts until that got so bad they would scar

i used to try really hard in to be a good student in high school. i was in the ‘gifted and talented’ classes in primary school, so whenever i didnt do well (i never failed, just was never top of my class) i got told i had ‘so much potential’. no one ever saw the effort i did put in. When the school sent a letter home one time to congratulate me on getting the second top score in a test, i heard nothing of it. i found the letter a few weeks after it had been sent, opened. neither my mum nor stepdad had said anything about it. soon after i decided there was no point in trying if people only ever cared when i failed

i got into a fist fight one day at school. they didnt call my folks, so my mum found out when i got home with a black eye. we got into a fight about it, because i didnt want to talk to her about what happened. when confronted i broke down, and told her that i wanted to die. she yelled at me about being selfish while smacking me across the face multiple times. i decided not to talk to her about how i felt anymore, because i couldnt understand how you could beat someone who just said they wanted to die. to this day everytime i try to talk to her about any serious emotional stuff i start to break down and just cant do it

i to bullied about being gay for so many years that when i started to have feelings for other men i buried them and tried not to think about it. i spent years being scared that i might be gay, worried about what would happen to me if i was. When i started to think about my gender ( i didnt understand gender at the time) and how i wished i had been born a woman, i buried that and just assumed it was puberty hormones fucking with me. i still cant think about it without almost having an anxiety attack. i have so many years of self hatred, of poor body images and of people telling me i was ugly/fat/gross that i cant see myself as anything but

i finally calmed down emotionally around 17/18. senior year. at this point i tried my best to ignore my bullies and the voices in my head. i just wanted school to end so i could run away somewhere. i wanted to go to university to study forensic science. i had two different teachers tell me i wasnt smart enough, and that i would never get into uni. i ended up failing my HSC and having to do a bridging course to get into uni. the course was so good, in both how they taught in the environment (it was held at the univeristy) that i more then doubled my ATAR and got accepted into the two top forensic science courses (in hindsight i chose the worse of the two, but i didnt know at the time)

university was mixed years. i made some amazing friends and learnt some great stuff, but also had to deal with some absolute dickheads. It was a small country town where the only things to do outside study was to drink and play football. id given up on playing sports years before hand, and 9 out of 10 of the football players were super racist and homophobic. One of them raped a friend of mine and the university defended him. thats when my friends and i decided we had to leave campus. add to that that i found out at the end of my third year i had been doing the wrong course for the job i wanted, i quit uni and left

TL:DR - theres a lot of shit that fucked me up, but typing it all out i cant tell if it actually fucked me up or if im just whining about normal shit. ahh well. better to get it out then keep it in

Tune in next time folks! Same Bat-time! same Bat-channel!

[fandom-imagination-ss]

AUTHORS NOTE: i want to first apologize how late this imagine is. AND to warn everyone this isnt proof read. I tried but i couldt read it well on my phone lol. This is my first desendants imagine it was requested by @princess-of-the-fandoms she requested this ☆~ okay ... so i had an idea of like the reader was dating ben but be choose mal over them. So they somehowg get onto the isle and they join Umas crew. So when the VK (villian kids) and ben go try to get Mal back. They see the reader ans they re dating Harry. Maybe you can choose the ending? ~☆ So i tried hard to write this. I seen both movies loved them but of course couldnt remember any bit of the movies while i wrote lol. Hopefully you enjoy. Sorry if it seems choppy. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It happened unexpectedly. The isle kids, villian kids. The trouble makers. Mostly you call them the isle kids. They arrived to the prep boarding school due to the new kings first rule as King.. Saying they deserved a chance. Most people call him your highness or majesty you simply call him Ben. Or beast Jr. You got away with it since he was in love with you. Likewise you loved him. Which made him being your boyfriend the happiest thing in your life. You and Ben have been dating for six months. Dating Ben, you werr on the cheer squad, miss popular. That all changed when the infamous villain kids came to town. You welcomed them with open arms (mostly becuase ben forced you too) to your surprise. You became instant friends with Evie , Jay and Carlos.. Mal was a different story you always felt off around her. Probably because her mom sent your aunt into a slumber. (Your uncle married Aurora making you a princess) you did try to forget the fact her mom was a magical she- devil. Ben tried convincing you it was because of family history and Mal was a good person. You didnt believr that for A second. But you stayed friendly and kind. Jay was your greatest friend out of the isle kids. So when Ben announced he was breaking up with you (infront of the entire school) too date Mal you were devastated. Staying in your room crying eating chocolate and watching horror movies for days. Till Jay came bursting in one day. He tried to get your mind and heart off ben. It was Jay who told you about the love spell Mal put on Ben. You figured afterwards he would go back to you but. He choose Mel over you. Jay helped a lot. It was Jay who helped you run away. Your family was furious you lost the crown prince too a villain kid. Nothing was the same. You weren’t the same happy go lucky girl you were before. So Jay helped you go too the Isle. It wasn’t long until Uma took you under her wing and soon enough you met Harry and completely forgot about boring. Stupid Ben. MaL was hated on the Isle. Which made it easier for you to blend in. Several months went by you were at Uma’s mom place arms wrapped around Harry as you kissed his cheek. He smiled brightly. He was caressing your arm as Uma snapped “get a room!” you chuckled saying gladly. Harry chuckled as you both got up and left. Harry was a gentleman more or less he walked you home as you pushed him softly against the wall pulling him into a deep passionate kiss. He may be a gentleman but you werent. He gadly kissed you back holding your sides softly on the hips. You loved when he walked you home. The quite time away from Uma and the others.just you and Harry. Perfect moment What interrupted your perfect moment was loud gasping. Plus the voice from the past. “Y/N?” turning awaying from your devoted loving boyfriend to face your ex now offically King Ben. And his little villain friends. Evie, Carlos, and Jay. Stumbling backward surprised as Harry noticed the old villain kids . “ Well-well-well isn’t this a surprise. The traitors have returned and brought a little friend.” “Y/n! This is where you been all this time here?” Ben was in shock. His color disappeared seeing his former girlfriend who use to be all natural colors, with always a pretty dress on and wearing fancy designer cloths was now Wearing a pirates hat, bold pink hair. Tattered torn cloths. And ehich was more shocking his ex girlfriend. Princess Y/N wrapped around the son of captain hook. “you know this poser love?” Harry questioned it. But soon figured it out who was the stranger. the king. Grabbing Harrys hand you spoke up. “ only took 7 months to be found. What you doing here beast jr?” Jay and the others were surprised at your tone. Jay was your friend but Harry knew thr real you. But Ben knew the old you. Ben stepped forward worried about you. But first he had to question you about Mal. “Mal she ran away were trying to find her.” Nodding your head. Looking up at Harry curious if he would ever risk his neck for you like that. “have you seen her?” “trust us. If we saw miss princess we wouldn't be in a dark alleyway. Doing stuff your innocent eyes are not acustomed too” Turning to Harry he smiled brightly leaning over kissing your cheek. as he spoke, “well we probably would but. I know Uma will be excited to hear that traitor is back.” Kissing Harrys cheek you pulled back looking at them. “good luck finding her in one piece. Night Harry.” It was the next day you were on Harry ship. Uma called you onto the ship seeing Harry smiling and leaning close too Ben arm wrapped around him. Ben looked at you like he was torn insides. You were surprised to see Ben tied up. Surrounded by Uma goons. “look at that beautiful creature. What sort of mad man would choose to willingly leave her??” walking over to the two boys you asked what this was about. “easily were holding lover boy hostage until Mal and her little frirnds return with the fairy god mothers wand.” Looking at Uma you were in pure shock. She could destroy the peace with that wand. Turning too Harry he noticed your unsettlement as he spoke calmly “its ok beautiful" shaking your head. You walked over too the side of the boat. Letting it all sink in. Pulling off your pirate hat. Harry stole it for you the first date you had. You never took it off. Seeing the white feather you turned seeing Ben. Was he a great boyfriend? NO. Harry was ten times the boyfriend. But this was wrong. If Mel gave up the wand and knowing idiot Mel she would. All your friends and family back home would be in danger. You walked over too Harry pulling him into a kiss. He gladly accepted the kiss as you slipped his dagger too Ben freeing him. You and Ben barely escaped. Back in a Limo driving back too the villain free school. You didn’t look at Ben. He was quite the entire ride home. Once home you walked off catching sight of Jay as you rushed over to him hugging him. Crying realizing what you judo gave up. HARRY. Four weeks later you were sitting on a bench reading. Well trying to read you were heartbroken over Harry. Feeling something go on your head you grabbed it looking up. Seeing it was your pirate hat. Turning seeing Harry there wearing the official school uniform. You gasped getting up hugging him tightly. Pulling him into a kiss he smiled brightly as you asked what he was doing here. “ Mel convinced the King too let me come. To be with you.” Smiling as you kissed him again. Just reviled he didn’t blame you for Uma failed plan. “im so sorry" harry shook his head “No I am. Im so sorry Y/N I love you” you replied back with a kiss.

[tumblunni]

One of my other fave cuddles is my gengar named gaspar! I’m really filled with love for him too right now cos I’m learning ev training and apparantly he ended up being perfect for a speedy build, which just seems so cute and fitting for his personality! ^_^ I’m a bit tired so i dunno if I’ll ramble as much about him but here we go!

Gaspar is also a good friend: The Post

He also has a lil story behind how I got him, I think his is the more silly one. See, he’s actually a sinnoh reminder of mine! There’s one ~absolute asshole~ npc in sinnoh who offers you a trade of a haunter for a kadabra, but then when you get it you find out it had an everstone attatched. So she got a trade exclusive evo and left you without yours, and this is friggin AN INGAME NPC! It was so memorable to me because i got trolled by nintendo personally! XD So i wanted to spite that npc by adoring that haunter so much forever. And I kept him for the next decade and loved him a many! I actually kinda got attatched to him being stuck as a haunter forever, cos I didnt have any friends to trade with. Haunter has always been my fave of the evo line, even if i preferred its early design where it was shadowy and had a glowy outline similar to gastly. (I think that stopped in gsc? it was always pure purple in the official art but the spritework looked SO much better...) So I actually ended up irrationally upset when he finally evolved by accident during a trade like six years later. i totally forgot that he even COULD evolve! I feel bad that i was upset at my friend I did the trade with, I knew it was irrational but I still whined like a lil baby. I was all ‘ugh now he’s FAT’ like a stupid hypocrite XD But now that we have mega gengar and i have my own gengar plush at last, ive grown to like it a lot more. And honestly id still be just as attatched to my pokemon even if they completely change appearance, its not like I hated gaspar just because i didnt like the species as much. IM SORRY GASPAR FOR MY DUMB POUTING! You are so cool you changed my mind on gengars!!! Also its a nice excuse to redesign his really old gijinka form I drew once:

Anyway, his personality is a big ol childish goofy lug! He’s kinda similar to the personality i ended up headcanoning for my rotom gizmo all those years later. honestly i always have a sort of perspective on how all ghost pokemon fundementally are, even tho i still try and give them their own personality too. All ghosts are some form of cheerful tricksters, okay! Gaspar in particular is a big snickering lazy loaf of hugs who is absolutely addicted to sugary junk foods. ‘The wonders of the modern world!’ Even though he’s kinda procrastinatey about actually doing what he has to do, he’s very hyper about pulling pranks on everyone and generally being kinda like Loki from norse myth? He’s a bit more morally flexible than the others, or its more like he has trouble remembering what a lot of stuff was like from being human. (I’ll get to his backstory in a bit!) He’s definately a well-intentioned guy but he can be very scary to his enemies, and sometimes accidentally cause problems for the group cos his vices are easily manipulateed. He tends to get stringed along by his ‘ghost instincts’ to pull pranks even when its self destructive, and he always jumps in without thinking. A candy in the middle of a blatantly obvious trap = he registers the candy part and only gets the rest when he’s already captured XD But also he’s probably the member of the older pokemon that’s the most open about his affections. He’s one big ol jolly hug to everyone who asks, and everyone who doesnt! Even though him and Reaper can both be sly together, he doesnt understand this young man’s strange fascination with pretending he doesnt have emotions. Gaspar’s one big driving force behind all his various quirks is that he’s flawlessly honest. He finds it hard to keep quiet when he’s joyous, and everything is made of joy nowadays! He’s just really happy to be alive right now... or, well, “alive”. But also his easily exciteable nature means he blurts out all secrets with no restraint, and has trouble not throwing a childish tantrum whenever the tiniest thing goes wrong. Though, still, he’s very rarely ACTUALLY angry, and will forget about it in like ten seconds. he just kinda enjoys making a fuss XD Then again on the rare occasion he is mad it is because you HURT HIS CHILDREN, and you will really get to see why gengars are known as spirits of vengeance...

So yeah! Backstory! This was actually the first thing I thought up for him, and it shaped his whole character. Again, it all came from that one weird ingame trade! ‘Gaspar’ felt like an odd name to give a random trade, I mean its a cute pun but also its like an olden times name you dont hear often. So I imagined maybe this ghost is the spirit of a human from long ago, and obviously he’d be excited to try modern junk food, etc etc the beginnings of a character! But cos I am blessed with the ability to create sad headcanons out of everything, I... did that! Alas! I somehow got a really sad idea for who this mysterious old human nobleman could have been. I thought maybe he was a guy who was murdered and came back from the grave to take revenge on his killers, but then had to deal with still being stuck here even after his big quest was finished. Making a new life because he cant go back to his old one. Initially the idea was that he was a guy killed on his wedding day, hence the tuxedo in that old design. But he ended up feeling more like an asexual character as I developed him, so thats a bit outdated now. He’s just like the dad of a thousand kids and no wife. Its good that he’s finally happy nowadays with all these new friends! A shame it took that long though, he can barely even remember who he used to be. (A more cynical part of him thinks that maybe going senile is the only reason he’s able to finally let go, and he wonders if he missed many other chances to make a new family cos he was so hung up on mourning a life he couldnt go back to...)

Anyway, even though his powers were born from rage and hatred, he finds that becoming a ghost is the thing that helped him forget all of that. He just has kind of a childlike joy for this stuff. He claims its ‘pokemon instincts’ or whatever and he had no part whatsoever in his own development from a scary anger man into everyone’s dad, but honestly that just seems like he’s making excuses not to give himself credit. there’s nothing here but the fact that his fundemental nature is a kind man who can find wonder in the simplest of things. Yknow, when he isnt being distracted by great tragedy! It was just like ‘wow i’d never thought about it but gaining the ability to fly and walk through walls is pretty kickass’. Think of all the pranking potential! And he proceeded to distract himself from his loneliness by haunting the graveyard and running around wearing bedsheets. But at the same time sneaking around the town and doing good deeds for everyone, even if they were all terrified of him. And no matter how sad he got, he could be cheered up by the tiniest thing like just being able to see the sunset again. He always remembers how scared he was thinking that he was gonna die at such a young age and never get to do so many things... And then his loneliness started easing when he realized he could talk to other pokemon now, and he worked up the courage to leave his grave and travel the world in search of a new place to belong. Then... he ended up with a bunch of shitty trainers!! But at least thankfully he was finally traded to our protagonist and now things are looking up ^_^

Oh and yeah thats why his old design looked so young, even though he was always meant to be the oldest team member. (Not just chronologically I mean, he’s like 300 but he’s like middle age by ghost standards.) Tho really saying he died at a nebulous teen-young adult age was just my excuse because those were the only people I was able to draw at the time. And i was dumb and thought every other sort of more creative design was ‘ugly’ and everyone should be a generic anime bishie :P Honestly redesigning him to look like a cool cuddly butler or a circus ringleader or all the millions of gengar gijinka ideas would be a HUGE improvement for his character! Even if he’s childish he’s still the team dad, yo! Im just worried that I won’t be able to draw a spoopy action pose again, I always felt like that first pic was a huge fluke. It was my best piece of artwork for like four years straight, I barely ever improve :P Also I really liked his hair as a haunter, but funnily enough I designed him like a few months before Charon was revealed, lol. Now it just looks like i tried to copy him! Bishie teen gaspar loses a bit of the appeal when he’s stealing looks from old men XD I’m thinking maybe he could have a cute mustache of some sort now, in the shape of ghosty spikeys? or a top hat that’s spiky on top, or a bunch of other ways to make him resemble gengar’s mohawk without actually having one. Nothing against that hairstyle but it maybe wouldnt work for a middle aged stay at home dad whose greatest form of punk activity is eating frozen poptarts out of the box.

OH WAIT Maybe he could reuse this design I did of myself as a ghost for a meme??

“chubby characters are something I will never draw ever, they can never look cool” said the past bunni, continuing to be incredibly chubb srsly ditching the self hate and doing some stylization lessons is the only place where i can admit my art improved!