#I CAN JUST DROWN IN HIM NO REO NO AIR !!!!!!

[hanrinz]

OMFG I ATE ALL THE TAGS WTF okay so omg ooc reo??????? WTF IS THAT ????? HE FITS SO PERFECTLY ZAINA !!! im gonna combust from this OMG RAHHHHHHHHHHHH i love it so much omg

#ficrecs ← i need this to be documented in my faves fr i ate all the tags omg😭 tumblr add more this is not enough for me!!!!!!!

"you look unwell."

"do i?" your tone betrayed your disinterest. it was very evident to those around you that you were bored. so utterly bored, you couldn't bear being in that place; but your conversing partner did not seem bright enough to pick that up.

"yes, worse than usual."

"than usual?" you didn't care for what others had to say about you. you had grown quite desensitised to the endless talks and endless gossip that encircled you, but there was a limit to your patience. you were no saint. however, the unusual circumstance you were in proved helpful, in the sense that, it was allowing you to leave the conversation justifiably.

"forgive me, i did not mean..." he trailed off, he had finally caught on, he had overstepped.

"you did not mean to speak your mind?" you let out a false laugh, hoping it would give you enough leeway to escape the horrible situation you were engaged in. "it is all well. but i must take my leave. my lord." you thanked the heavens he did not stop you or try to apologise. maybe you ought to thank him for his ‘services’.

making your way closer to the entrance you heard the sound of carriage wheels clattering against the cobblestone streets as guests said their goodbyes and farewells. the night was coming to a close; the warm glow of the chandeliers reflected off the gilded mirrors and the polished floors of the ballroom, while the soft strains of the orchestra's instruments filled the air; it was all hideous and horrible, you could not think of anything but how to get away from it all.

"young lady, where are you going?" turning around you half expected to see a mouse with how squeaky the voice speaking to you was, but there stood a boy standing (half-confidently) in the doorway. why was he calling you young? if anything, you looked older than him.

"just a quick promenade in the garden." you hoped that would’ve been enough to leave you alone, but he seemed displeased with your answer, so you added, "would you like to join me?"

"unchaperoned?!" he looked offended to have even been asked to join you. maybe you should've been offended too?

"it shall not be unchaperoned cousin!" now this was a confident voice. a young man (really, this time) walked up to the boy from behind and placed his hand on the boy's shoulder.

"re—"

"pleasure to meet you lady..." he interrupted. his pitch rose at the end of the sentence; it was a question.

"y/n, l/n. and you are?"

"lady y/n l/n, it is lovely to meet you. great people, the l/n's, lovely family, lovely people—"

the empty chatter was beginning to bother you.

"i would like to know who i will be walking with.". 

"aren't you demanding? my lady." he teased. his hand still on the boy’s shoulder, pulling them both towards you.

"forget it." you turned on your heel aggressively and headed towards the looming dark green garden, lit up solely with the flickering fireflies. it almost perfectly reflected the starry night overhead, the turbulent purple clouds and shooting stars falling gently behind them. it was a shame the night was being missed by all the people wasting their time indoors. at least you had been left alone for once—

the young man ran up in front of you and bowed, before giving you his hand. a gleaming smile graced his lips and he seemed quite pleased with himself, like a child figuring out how to do something mundane (to others that is, children often find the silliest things extraordinary) on their own.

"i shall not accept it until you tell me your name."

he sighed in defeat, but he never wiped the stupid smile off his face. again he nodded in a half-bow. "am i allowed to follow you?"

"you can do as you please." you weren't just pretending to be indifferent, you truly didn't care what he did. the idea that you might be trapped into a marriage with the young man if you were caught with him alone had crossed your mind at some point but wouldn't that just mean you could step away from the 'marriage mart’. he seemed smart enough to hold a conversation, and he did seem to possess some aesthetic qualities. all wasn't bad.

"coz! join us!" he yelled as he trailed behind you, like an excited puppy. and the boy obliged. he looked scared, as if his cousin would hurt him if he did not follow through.

"so, my lady, how are you enjoying the night?" he once again offered his hand as you both stood awaiting his cousin to join you.

pushing past his gloved hand and raising your skirt ever so slightly (so as not to ruin it in the garden) you replied, "i have participated in better balls."

"it saddens me to hear that." holding his hands behind his back he stepped closer to you. faking a hurt frown. you raised a brow inquisitively. why was this man so invested in a ball he had not organised? and why was he not telling you his name?

"this is the prince's ball, why should it bother you?"

"you're quite correct. it should not bother me." he chuckled. "coz, what did you think of the ball?"

"you—" a stern look from the mysterious, nameless, young man and the boy corrected himself all too quickly, "the prince must have worked painstakingly for days, it was very well organised, the orchestra was lovely and—"

"enough about the ball!" you said, far too angrily.

"was it really that tiresome?" this time the enigma sounded genuine.

"please, do ask me why i left the ball." you said through gritted teeth.

"why did you leave the ball so early, my lady?" he leaned forward casually and looked you in the eyes, as if deeply interested in what you had to say. you were taken aback– this was a first. you had supposed that he, too, was just as disinterested as you were, and that all the conversing was just a formality. perhaps you were mistaken.

"to be left alone, to get away from the incessant questions about my marriage, about a courtship. is that really all a lady is worth? i truly believe that women are much more interesting than men shall ever be; so why should we withstand the boring, meaningless questions?"

"i don't—"

"please, my lord, do not say a word."

the rest of the walk was quiet. you could almost hear the grass snapping under your weight from how silent everyone was. this was what you had wanted, yet it felt claustrophobic and uncomfortable. by the time you had done the round of the garden and seen all that it offered, the cool air had started prickling your skin. you were sure the man had noticed the goosebump on your exposed arms, neck and back but he seemed to be trying not to invade your personal space again.

a second time approaching the excessive abode you watched a mass of people emerge from the front door and head towards their horse-drawn carriages, with footmen, drivers, and all. that was who you were, the daughter of a duke, rich and privileged. your duty was to secure as advantageous a match as possible, but everything related to that prospect infuriated you. it was a strange feeling, being so aware of who you were supposed to be, yet not wanting to be them. it was a constant battle, and neither side felt truly right.

a man wearing a very tall hat had approached, distracting you from your thoughts. he bowed grandly, taking his hat off before turning sideways and stretching his arm out to point to the buildings, “your royal highness, the archduchess requested your presence.”

the mysterious man nodded his head once and started towards the indicated location.

"you're prince reo mikage?" you called after him. suddenly it all made a bit more sense. not that it wasn’t still a confusing situation. but all the interruptions and stern looks could now be pieced together. your exasperated voice made him turn around at once. it seemed he had found a reason to stay.

"i suppose." he chucked, "but please, call me reo."

"no..." you weren't sure where this crazy sense of daring was coming from. you hadn't even bowed and apologised for your rudeness yet, in fact, here you were denying a simple request. a prince was not the sort of person with whom one ought to trifle.

"no?"

"it would be rude to call a prince by their name without also using their title." you noted primly, he seemed to take this into account for a second before replying, eyes sparkling with bold intent.

"would it be rude to use my name if we were, say, courting?"

"we are not courting."

"but it remains a possibility, my lady?"

you caught an audacious gleam in his eyes and you felt a final breath leave your mouth. you parted your lips ready to say something, but not a single word was spoken. there was nothing but air, and even that seemed in short supply.

“the archduchess does not like to wait, your royal highness.”

“yes, i must be on my way, my lady.” he muttered distractedly, turning back to bid you farewell, “i shall call on you soon.” he nodded again and left.

and there you stood, foolishly, under the moonlight, listening once more to the carriage wheels clattering against the cobblestone streets as guests said their goodbyes and farewells, the night had finally come to a close, truly this time.

you walked aimlessly towards the carriage your mother was standing beside. she looked distraught and anxious, betraying her worry at your absence. you weren’t completely sure what had happened that night and you were dreading seeing reo again, (prince reo, you corrected yourself), unsure of his intentions towards you. deep down you knew you weren’t special enough to capture the interest of a prince in just one night, so was he coming to reprimand your rudeness? you shouldn’t have spoken as much as you did...

however, as the morning drew in, it permeated the night and conquered all the fear and trepidation you had harboured as you slept. you were ready to face all the consequences of your actions and you were ready to protect your family. as you read in the sitting room this fearlessness only heightened. there was no way you would let a young man such as himself, prince or not, shame you and your family. you were prepared to do whatever it took.

“why are you up so early?” the voice of your mother interrupted your thoughts, “after all the sighing and eyerolls from last night, you must be exhausted!”

“i find myself full of energy all of a sudden...” and before she could reply or register what you had just said you quickly added, “i would like to meet the prince.”

“sorry darling, what was that?”

“mother, i would like to meet the prince.” you repeated, this time with more conviction, “to thank him for such an eventful evening, truly one of the best soirees i have ever attended.”

“although i’m sure the prince would appreciate such a sentiment,” she said hesitantly, “i doubt the daughter of a duke could simply call upon a grand prince. there are certain rules one must follow, especially regarding royalty.”

“then, what must i do to secure a meeting?”

she looked around, confused, before prodding you with, “i’m not quite sure myself dear, but may i ask why you wish to meet the prince?”

“i want to give him my thanks.”

she sighed deeply before plotting herself next to you on the sofa. “this is so unlike you dearest. what is it really?”

uncrossing your legs, you swung round to face her fully, “mother, truly, i simply want to–”

before you could finish, the door to the sitting room blasted open, and your butler rushed in, his face burning red and his breaths coming in ragged gasps. “your grace, the prince’s carriage has arrived.”

“so soon?” you murmured, feeling a sudden wave of nerves wash over you. it had hardly been a day and he was here already. all that confidence you had been building up seemed to have vanished as soon as the news of his arrival reached you.

“has this anything to do with your request earlier, darling?” your mother whispered, shooting you a worried glance.

“i don’t think so...” you feigned innocence as she looked at you dubiously raising a brow. nevertheless, she had no time to waste on the matter, immediately taking the now sweating butler to the foyer to greet the royal guest.

you suddenly became very aware of just how unprepared you were for a visit from royalty. you weren’t wearing anything spectacular, and you hadn’t even done your hair yet. you weren’t a mess per se, but were far from ready to attend a royal meeting. but you really had no time to think as your mother entered the room once again, her disposition now distracted and anxious.

“y/n, the prince wishes to meet you in the garden.”

“in the garden?”

“yes. if you know anything about this, please tell me now. i am worried for you.”

“i shall tell you everything soon.”

“y/n!” your mother exclaimed, but you had already ran out of the sitting room, flinging your book onto a nearby sofa and pulling on the gloves she had just taken off.

upon opening the doors to the garden, you saw the same figure you had walked with the previous night. as he turned he flashed you a charming smile, you felt a flutter in your stomach and a warmth build up in your cheeks. part of you was pleased to see him there, but only a part.

“we should marry.” he walked up to you, offering a hand. had he not grown tired of your refusals? you couldn’t help but pity his persistence, and that was the only reason you accepted it. it was warm and sturdy; he must be an adept dancer, you thought to yourself; of course, he was a prince.

“is this how you greet every lady you call on?”

he chuckled while placing your hand on his elbow and guiding you towards the fountain that stood in the centre of the garden. “only the ones i wish to marry, my—”

there you were, interrupting him again. was this your punishment? and if it were, why were you digging a greater grave for yourself rather than just accepting defeat? wouldn’t this be easier on your family?

“i barely know you, your highness.” you protested.

“does my reputation not precede me?”

“i have no interest in gossip, so i know nothing of your reputation, your highness.”

“you shall if we marry.” he continued, as if all your concerns meant nothing to him. they probably didn’t. princes are not accustomed to the word ‘no’.

“you are quite literally the last person i intend to marry, your highness.”

his mouth fell open mockingly as he gave you a rueful look, “you would rather marry my cousin?”

“your high—" you began, but he interrupted. it would be a miracle if the two of you could ever finish your sentences in each other's presence.

“if you are so keen on calling me by my title perhaps ‘my prince’ would be better suited.”

“it would be inappropriate, methinks.”

“and methinks, the lady doth protest too much.” he quipped.

“reciting hamlet shall not woo me, sir.” you retorted, trying your hardest to appear displeased and disinterested.

“then what must i do to secure your heart, my royal highness?”

“i am no princess.”

“you will be if you answer my question, my lady.” he stopped abruptly to look at your face fully. you noticed things about him you had not seen before. his strong yet gentle eyes, the way his hair fluttered slightly in the light zephyr like feathers of doves, and how he always seemed to be charmed.

he was vaguely amusing, vaguely annoying, vaguely vexing, but you couldn’t quite help but admire his wit. what you didn’t admire so much was his persistence and his refusal to take ‘no’ for an answer.

“why me?” you asked finally after what felt like a century of just staring at each other.

“because you fascinate me.” he replied simply, as if that were the most obvious fact in the universe.

you suddenly felt very annoyed, and you didn’t shy away from showing it. you scoffed loudly before replying. “anything can be fascinating, if one is curious enough.”

“you truly are wise beyond your years.” you were wrong. he wasn’t always charmed, in fact in this very instant his smile dropped, and he gave you a grave gaze.

you looked at him for a long moment, feeling unaccountably stung. he seemed to notice the discomfort but said nothing and the two of you stood there staring into each other’s eyes.

“i should take my leave.” he bowed slightly; it was different from the sorts of bows you had received from him. they felt hurt in a way. “your presence has truly brightened my morning, my lady.” his tone did not indicate anything of the sort, it had turned monotonous and distant, and you found yourself longing for his animated self once more.

“so, are we to marry, your highness?” you tried asking. you hated how you sounded so desperate, you hated how you had admitted defeat and you hated how he was leaving, again. why were you calling for him as he left, again? could there ever be a time where he wouldn’t leave.

“not yet.” he said modestly before departing.

days turned into what felt like an eternity as you struggled to despise him with every fibre of your being. and you really did struggle. he was dragging your chastisement for far too long; how cruel it was for him to toy with you like this. you were not his prey to play with before he devoured you. but as much as you tried to resist him, you couldn’t help the way your heart ached when he was gone. it was foolish; you had known each other for barely enough time for him to have such an impact on you. but there was no doubt, you missed him terribly.

your mother, too, had grown tired of asking you about his abrupt visit after more than a week had passed. but your attachment to him only grew stronger.. it was absurd to miss someone who tormented and vexed you. but you supposed you had always been a rather peculiar person.

“dearest, another ball? are you positive?”

a whole month had passed since the incident. very well, it was probably no more than four days, but it felt like months. every second felt like eternity without him. you had attended every ball there was to attend in the past days, days, and nights. yet any time you tried to approach him, you felt like a fool. why willinging walk into a trap of a marriage? what was wrong with your head? no, your heart, what was wrong with your heart?

you were sure this ball would be like every other. some schubert, or mozart if you were lucky, assaulting your ears. women flocking around your prince and him not even sparing you a glance. you wished to be alone in the garden again, just with him this time. you weren’t certain what you wanted to do, you weren’t certain how you would even reach such a circumstance and, you weren’t certain you wanted to listen to your heart at that exact moment. 

“no, i’m not, mother.” 

“what is it dear?” you could barely make out her voice anymore, the darkness of the night outside was pressing in around you and you felt yourself begin to cry. 

your lower lip quivered as you chose your next words very carefully, you did not wish to speak your feelings into existence, and you surely didn’t wish to let your mother know about your affections. “my head hurts, i think the scratchy music from last night has taken a toll on me.” you coveted the energy to add a fake chuckle to that, but you did not have any left. so you looked at her, eyes dead and mouth smiling. it seemed to have worked, she gave you a sad, pitiful look, said some sweet words and left. 

you soon heard your tears begin to drip from your eyes. it was a soft, gentle sound, like the fluttering of a bird’s wings, but it echoed through the silence of the room like a thunderclap. you missed him so much it hurt, it was a dull ache that settled deep within your chest and refused to be ignored. 

you stopped. you had to. you heard a loud crash echo through the room as it came from the balcony. you spun around, heart pounding, only to see a flower pot had toppled over and shattered on the ground. just great, you couldn’t simply be left to cry, you had to be killed as well. 

your nerves on edge, you cautiously treaded towards the balcony, sensing the chill of the night air on your skin, and the hairs on the nape of your neck standing on end. peering over the stone guardrail you saw a familiar man frantically pacing in a circle. why was he here?

“my lady—” he yelled. when the moonbeams lit up his face you saw the state he was in. he looked like he hadn’t slept in days. his cravat was almost entirely undone and his eyes were wild. 

as soon as you heard him you charged off, without a second thought. your fingers grasped onto the walls as you ran down flights of stairs, your mind growing dizzier and lighter with every step. as you reached the bottom, you caught sight of him through a nearby window, approaching with a frenzied haste.

with a burst of energy, you pushed open the massive doors and stepped into the crisp night air, coming face to face with the prince. both of you were out of breath, your faces flushed and minds blanking in the presence of each other. 

“my—”

“what do you think you’re doing here?” you asked sharply. in truth you didn’t want to know at all, you were just glad, grateful, honoured, to see him again. and so close. 

he took a deep breath, steeling himself for the vulnerability of the moment, “can we walk?”

you nodded, feeling your hand enveloped by his warm, slightly rough, ungloved skin, as if he had been out without his gloves. you felt yourself melting into him, and dear god, it was just his hand, but you could feel yourself moulding into him so easily.

“what is it, reo?” you asked softly, turning to face him. the concern etched on his face did not go unnoticed. 

in a voice tinged with worry he said, “you look unwell.” 

“i am unwell.” 

“i’m sorry.” he replied quietly. and he really was sorry. he wished he could be there for you, but he had grown hyper aware of how uncomfortable he made you feel. 

“if you were really sorry you wouldn’t have stayed away for so long.” your usual unreadable expression had contorted into a pained and depressed one. 

“i cannot stand to be away from you, you are my very life, and every separation gives such endless heartache...yet, i cannot force someone who doesn’t wish to see me to feel what i feel.” he admitted, his voice heavy and hoarse with sorrow. 

“i do not wish to see you?” you repeated, heart murky with confusion.

“do you not, not wish to see me?” he asked, his gaze intense as he searched your face for any sign of affirmation. you opened your mouth to offer the prince a scathing retort–why was he being so secretive? you hated him. but then, just when you were ready to sharpen your wit, something else popped out of your mouth instead.

“i want nobody but you for my lover, and my friend; and to nobody but you shall i be faithful.” you whispered, the words slipping out before you could even think to stop them. the air around you seemed to crackle with energy as you met his gaze, your heart struck in your chest. you felt strange, queer, almost as if you were somehow suspended in time, ready to lift off your toes and float away. 

you weren’t sure when it happened. it hadn’t been sudden and clear in an instant. you weren’t even aware you loved this man until it had crept up on you and your own words professing your love for him divulged the information. 

for a moment, he just stood there, staring at you, as if trying to process the weight of your words. but then he smiled; most annoyingly, most beautifully. and without warning, he stepped forward, his hand finding its way to the back of your neck pulling you closer to him. his lips found yours, and he was none of the things one should be the first time. he wasn’t gentle, and he wasn’t sweet. he just kissed you, intently. with everything he had, with every ounce of desperation coursing through his veins.

as he pulled away, his lips found your ear, and you felt more than you heard, “i missed you.” 

you wanted to say that you’d missed him, too, but he was too close, and you were too warm, and your voice escaped you. good heavens, did every woman have this much trouble breathing when standing so close to a handsome man? it was no matter though, he was soon kissing you again; you had no space left in your mind to think of something so silly as breathing. 

[dilf-din]

To be Known (To be Loved)

Frank Castle x f!reader

WC: 2500

Warnings: mentions of blood/gun violence, so much fluff & domestic bliss

Author’s note: so what if I want him to settle down and have a soft life and dote on his girl, don’t worry about it!!

It’s not that you were clumsy or lacked focus. That was the opposite of true. Nobody had an eye for detail like you. That’s what landed you your job as a crime scene analyst. The FBI even contracted you out from time to time when they did jobs in the city. They did today, actually. And though you had been doing this for years, sometimes it still made your stomach churn. And traffic was a bitch coming home, and you forgot to take the ground beef out of the freezer so you were trying to scrape some kind of meal together, chopping what was left of an onion with a too dull knife, and your hand slipped.

It wasn’t too deep, just a perfect slice into the tip of your pointer finger. It stung in the cold stream of the sink you were quick to plunge it under, your eyes already watering from the bruised onion you had been attempting to dice.

Not a big deal, just slap a bandage on it and remember to ask Frank to bring his kit to sharpen your knife set this weekend.

You sniffled and got back to work, sautéing scraps of leftover chicken with some fresh veggies, adding lemon and white wine and garlic and herbs. The air filled with aromatics and the sound of your 80’s playlist.

The tension that spent it days lodged between your shoulder blades was starting to wear away. All you needed to completely feel at peace was the sound of the key in the lock and boots down the hall.

Frank was a lot of things. Dangerous and safe, rough and gentle, commanding and kind. And he was always on time for dinner. Whether he limped to the door dripping blood or showed up early with a bottle of wine and flowers, he was dependable above all.

You didn’t even have to glance at the clock to know he would be there soon. You could feel it in your cells, like the waiting would be soon over.

AC/DC’s fast guitars faded into REO Speedwagon’s Can’t Fight This Feeling, and you found yourself humming along to the ballad. The opening and closing of drawers and the sizzled of the pans drowned out the quiet thump of boots against wood while Frank paused for a second to admire you, a love drunk smile plastered on his face.

He set a paper bag down on the island behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist, pressing warm kisses to your cheek, rough stubble scratching your smooth skin. You relaxed into his embrace, eyes drifting shut for a moment as you leaned against his strong chest and inhaled deeply the lingering smell of pine from his shower this morning.

“How’s my baby girl doin’?” Frank hummed into your neck, pressing a trail of kisses to the exposed skin he could get to with the collar of your shirt in the way.

“Got in a fight today,” you sighed dramatically, holding you hand up so he could see your finger wrapped delicately.

“Baby,” he lamented with equal drama, drawing your hand to his mouth to lavish in kisses.

“I’ll kill the guy,” he said sincerely, baby browns boring into yours, holding your hand to his cheek with a tender grip around your wrist.

“He’s in the sink,” you gestured over your shoulder, “If you can remember to sharpen him and his friends this weekend.”

“Course baby doll. Smells good in here,” he peeked over your shoulder at the pans simmering on the stove, “I brought dessert. Cannolis from Tony’s,”

“You’re too good to me,” you clasped your hands over your heart.

It was Friday, which meant Frank was home for the weekend.

His boots by your bed. His body next to yours. Breakfast together and movies on the couch and unlimited snuggles.

“You look tense, everything okay?” he queried as he brought his broad hands up to work out the knots in your shoulders.

“Just a long week,” you shook your head, “All I want is to take a long shower later.”

“I’ll clean up after,” he kissed your cheek once more and gave your shoulders a squeeze before setting off to find something to keep him busy.

He was always tightening screws and changing lightbulbs and air filters, doing whatever he could to make your life easier. Sometimes, on particularly hard weeks, you would unplug your router and call him to come tinker with your internet. Any big or small gesture he could give you, he would jump through hoops to do. You had never felt as secure or adored in any relationship before Frank.

After dinner, and of course your favorite dessert, Frank set off to clean the dishes so you could hop in the shower.

The shower took a few minutes to heat up, so you took your time removing your necklace and the makeup you sported to work. Your cheeks puffed from the scrubbing, and steam was starting to paint the edges of the mirror in front of you.

The last thing you did was peel off the bandage on your finger. The skin was still split badly, deep purple peeking out from under it. It would hurt for a few more days at least, you reasoned.

You left a pile of clothes in front of the mirror, and stepped behind the glass wall of your shower. Another shitty Friday in the books. This would be sure to wash away at least some of your woes.

Your neck turned under the hot stream, letting the water distribute over your hair, and only when you reached up to run your fingers through it were you met with sharp pain.

You hissed and quickly retracted your hand, “Shit.”

The force of the water was like a hundred small knives driving into the exposed nerves. The pain burned hotter than it did when you cut it.

Tentatively, you placed it back in the stream to see if it just needed a second to adjust, but were met with the same intense pain.

You choked down a sob. It was silly, really. When you thought about the loss you saw today and the blood stained carpet, the empty seat at someone’s table tonight, it was ridiculous to be this upset over a shower.

All you wanted was to wash away someone else’s pain and move on with your life, and you started feeling selfish. Words of self ridicule started ringing in your ears, and you pressed your forehead against the cool tile wall, crying softly, willing yourself to pull it together.

You heard the shuffle of Frank entering the adjacent room to sit on the edge of the bed and tug his boots off, thud of his gun on your nightstand, and the unbuckling of his belt.

“Somethin’ wrong?” his low voice rumbled over the running water.

“I can’t wash my hair,” you admitted pathetically, sniffling from the corner, “It stings so bad.”

“You’ve sewed yourself up with no anesthesia and gunshot wounds and I’m sitting here crying about a little cut,” you continued.

You heard the pad of Frank’s feet on the tile as he stepped into the shower and wrapped himself around your wet frame.

“I don’t expect you to be tough as nails, sweetheart,” he murmured into your shoulder, pressing a kiss there, “I love that you’re so tender. You’re too good for all this shit. Stay that way.”

He cradled the sides of your head with two strong hands and turned you to face him, catching your mouth in a long kiss. Frank kissed like he was a starving man and you were the first food he had seen in days. It was enough to make your stomach flutter.

He pressed a quick kiss to your forehead before gathering your hair into the water and raking his wide fingers through it.

“What are you doing?” you asked with red eyes.

“My girl said she wanted a shower,” his voice came out husky. Brow furrowed with concentration, he smoothed water through every strand, cradling your scalp so gently.

Overcome with emotion, you tucked your forehead into the safety of his neck, nuzzling your nose against his throat as he worked the tangles out of your hair.

The same hands that had snapped necks and pulled triggers were lathering your hair in shampoo and holding your hips close to his.

Your hands wandered his arms and back, grazing over scars and wondering how he got so lucky every time. He must’ve had one hell of a guardian angel. Whatever it was, you felt equally lucky to be here with him, to be his.

The two of you stayed mostly silent. Frank asking the occasional question.

“‘S’that hurt? Is this okay?”

When he finished with your hair, you stepped out of the way so he could quickly wash himself off, reaching for the shampoo you kept on the shelf for him.

Sometimes when he was gone for days at a time, you would wash with his soap and sleep wrapped up in one of his shirts.

Frank drew you into his embrace once more, and you rested easily against his chest with warm water creating pools and streams over the shape of your bodies together.

“I could stay like this forever,” you murmured.

“I couldn’t,” he said dryly, “My back is killing me.”

“Let’s go lay down, old man,” you teased, reaching to turn the water off.

“Alright smartass,” he laughed with one of his crooked half smiles, following you out of the shower and pinching your ass, eliciting a yelp.

Frank pulled on a pair of joggers and perched on the counter watching as you towel dried your hair. He leaned slightly forward with his hands curled under the edge of the counter. The muscles in his arms and chest were perfectly sculpted, glistening under a light layer of condensation while the steam filtered out of the bathroom.

You chose one of Frank’s black tee shirts and a pair of old cotton undies.

Frank waited patiently while you dabbed on a few creams and moisturizers, fussing with your hair and examining the split ends.

“Beautiful,” he hummed, leaning into your space to steal a quick kiss.

“Almost done,” you reassured, raking a cream through your hair.

“Take your time. I’m enjoying the view,” he smirked, craning his neck to take a peek at your ass while you leaned forward into the mirror.

“Perv,” you teased.

“Only for you, baby,” he smiled.

It was autumn in New York. The sun set quicker and quicker each night. Lazy orange light colored your room with flashes of brown and crimson leaves just outside the window. On your nightstand burned a cinnamon candle, and the rest of the lights were dimmed to set a warm mood. The sun and flickering flame cast wispy shadows on the wall.

On the tv across from your bed, there was a Great British Bake Off marathon playing with the volume low. Frank had pretended not to be interested at first, but it wasn’t long before he was criticizing cakes alongside you. It was something you could both agree on as background noise.

Frank sat straight with his back against the headboard, and you nestled between his legs leaning against his chest.

Callused fingers ran up and down your arms, toying with your hands and occasionally slipping in your sleeve to caress your shoulders. Physical touch was one of your chief love languages, and Frank was fluent. He had spent enough of his life alone and longing that when you were together, he indulged in every touch and kiss.

A deep exhale parted your lips and he shifted slightly.

“Is somethin’ else botherin’ you?” he asked after a considerable length of silence.

You didn’t know how to answer.

“Just seems like more than a cut finger got you in a funk today,” he nuzzled his nose against your cheek, pressing half a kiss there.

“I don’t want to bring work home with me,” you clamped your eyes shut and buried the side of your face into his chest.

“I come home caked in the shit I deal with every day, and not once have you made me feel like it’s an issue to you. You can talk to me,” he said matter of factly at first, but his tone softened into a gentle pleading.

Let me in.

You drew in a shaky breath.

“It was another homicide today. Guy killed his girlfriend. Don’t know why. Shot her in the stomach four times. She was dead when we got there, but her face,” you trailed off, “I’ve just never seen someone look so afraid. I don’t know if he was there when she died, or if she was alone, or what’s sadder.”

He sat in silence, intently listening.

“I know you see this kind of stuff every day, but it still gets to me,” a tear rolled down your cheek and you quickly swiped it with the back of your hand.

“Hey, hey,” he said softly, tugging at your shoulder to turn you towards him.

You swung a leg around so you were straddling him, your hands toyed with the chain around his neck.

“Baby, the people I see are bad people. People like your guy that got away today. Seeing the other side always hurts. You’re not weak for that,” he hummed. A strong hand cupped your cheek and turned your head slightly up to look him in the eyes.

“I’m sorry that happened,” he whispered. His brown eyes were overflowing with sincerity.

You wondered how one man could contain such wild contradictions. Gentleness and violence didn’t often walk hand in hand, but they did when Frank Castle was around.

His voice was like gravel and velvet. His kisses were both hungry and adoring.

With one hand on your face, his other rested at your waist, balling up the tee shirt and rubbing circles against your hipbone with his knuckles.

“You’re good at what you do. ‘S’okay that it weighs on you.”

“You too,” you countered softly, and you saw another level of defense in his eyes melt away, the corners of them softening almost imperceptibly.

“C’mere,” he pulled you into a tight embrace. The warmth of his bare chest burned through the thin barrier of his shirt across your frame. His arms felt like a fortress around you. You had never been afraid since he came into your life.

“You’re my peace, you know that? None of the rest of that bullshit matters to me. This is what matters,” he murmured softly into your ear.

You pushed lightly off his chest to look him in the eye once more, “You’re really sweet, you know that?”

He scoffed and turned his head with a shy grin, pink creeping into his cheeks, “Don’t go around tellin’ people that. Ruin my street cred,” he laughed lightly.

His heart drummed steadily beneath your hand. He made it another week and so did you. And you would keep making, you had vowed. For moments like this.

[adoregojo]

★- haunted by the trails of you.

a/n: here's some more angst i had in drafts and now I'm setting it free. wanted more pain but this what yall are getting for now d: (potentially getting a part two)

summary: their first anniversary without you, and you'd still be haunting them. !! gn reader!! characters: isagi, reo, rin. warnings: men. hurt/barely an comfort, the word 'vomit', blood mentions in rin's part, appear of other characters. perhaps heavy angst?

isagi: it was at his own home. for what he can fathom, isagi isn't considered as someone who's hooked on the past. at least that's what he pinned his head to. what had chronicles should've been a lesson, something that'll help him move forward, a memory that'll get him through to his feet again.

once the past had been written, there was no undoing. only exceptions and take the moral out of it.

sometimes isagi wished he had tugged on that enough as much as he tugged his heart to yours.

he was about to send himself a clout. has he learned nothing? why can't he draw a clear line without the ghost of you obsessing in every corner of his life? so instead, he botches his hair to untidy navy-blue locks flying out of place, mumbling cusses to none other than himself.

He bet he looked like a madman, uttering loathes undertone within every step upon a stair he took. He swore he spotted a middle aged lady covering her son's ears in horror. maybe he wasn't muttering as low as he thought.

it was saturday, in which isagi takes a day off to greet his parents from time to time. and he wasn't gonna cancel that over some feelings he might've got the wrong end of the stick about, it was probably just lingering lust and affection he had for you, but I'll past. clinging to the mere possibility and ignoring the ache that remains for too long than intended.

swirling the keys with his bare hands, isagi can view the frigid smoke of his breath appearing with every puff he let out. the tips of his fingers and knuckles were embarrassing standing out an angry shade of red, he forgot his gloves, again ,recalling: yoichi never really had to bat an eye when it comes to gloves. he'll even do it on purpose since you wouldn't think twice before launching yours to his frosty hands, while interlocking your hands with the other one.

now that he mentioned it, he always recollect how futile of an attempt it was. because the back of his hand will always remain polar, but at that time, it didn't carried a feather. he didn't really mind freezing to death if it meant I'll be in your arms. then he'll die any day.

isagi remains stationary, until his forehead rests the irony of his house door. he didn't know if he was deeply disappointed in himself, or just drowned by the sweet bygone days. gabbling something about how an idiot he was before taking a deep lungful of air and finally opening the door.

flinging his shoes to gods knows where, at this state even his mother's berating wouldn't budge a bone in him, yeah, this is how bad it was.

to his astonishment, there were no trails of his parents. isagi called, shouting once, twice. and gave up on the third time. he jogs around to the kitchen era, like expected: a dangling note covering some plate, informing him that they went out and they'll be back before dinner. 

isagi just let out a defeated sigh, an obvious pessimistic wave looming over him. he was genuinely hoping to spend a family-time right away, and something to divert him away from the wraith of you.

a part of him wondered, what answer could he hand his parents, breaking the fact that you two were no longer together. his parents always loved you, adored you even. they'd definitely be shattered, he'll just muddle it by saying that you two drew apart till an ultimate downfall drilled up a hole in your relationship, leading to a break up. they’ll buy it, right?

blindly, isagi carried out the plat, slamming it flatly against the wooden table of the living room. making himself comfortable on the couch that held on the glimpse of his childhood, it was a pleasant to be at home again, and one of a great distraction.

he needed it.. anything to sway him away from the remainder of what name of this day earned..

from the corner of his eye, he spotted a second note. scoffing at himself isagi gets a grasp on it, living on the thought it might've been his parents requesting him to do chores, or just asking him to take extra care of himself. 

isagi consulted it, even when a part of him begged him not to.

‘dear, yocchan. we really hope you'll be the one to read this, but if not! hello yoichi’s partner, that's quite embarrassing if you're reading this hahaha. but anyway, we figured that today is your two anniversary, isn't that just great? We remember just yesterday they were being introduced to us for the first time. What a good time to be alive, but anyway. There's some surprise cake for the two of you to share! Happy anniversary, you lovebirds.- your mother (in law).”

‘don't get too carried away please! - your father (in law).”

isagi flouts, bitterly. so sorely that all the rock-hard grip of his hand went straight to poor paper, ripping it apart to fall into small chunks. the stomach-bug swirl, not the one with the butterflies plopping in the depths of his stomach, swarming with to define a new level of bliss. but a disgusting ache of venom mobbing, making him want to vomit in an instant. 

if it wasn't for his neighbors, isagi would've outcry his lungs out of frustration. but he wasn't on the field, where his anger planted. Now it's just a sad smile etching on his features. 

and maybe a drip of a few tears..

how long were you planning on haunting him for..

reo: he had to delete it.. for the longest period, reo had never been so glued on what he busted by his own hands, words and ego. he had no one to blame but himself, and yet no amount of strength that earth granted him, no matter how the sky have bore in tears gleaming the ground, a pool of agony cries pleading for him to do it.

all that and he’d still struggle to press the delete button. He just couldn't.

“man, just delete it already.” chigiri cried out, slamming his palms against the skin of his forehead. He was tired. and he wasn't even getting paid to deal with this shit.

“it's easier for you to say it, you don't get it.” reo sassed back, trudging inches away from the redhead who's eyes twitched in disbelief. 

nagi and chigiri一well, mostly chigiri, have been summoned by a cry for help from their shared friend. just for the end of the world to be him trying to delete the pictures and videos of you and him, his ex that lived in his head rent free. 

it was a wretched sight to see, his eyes were tearing up while scrolling through your memories together. chigiri一god’s greatest soldier, was really, really doing everything he can to encourage reo back on his feet. It was like helping a spineless creature to straighten up. 

it's quite impressive, he can use all his abilities on soccer pitches, give his best assists, be the heart, the mind and the soul of the field. Yet behind the plate was a completely different person, a hopeless guy curled up in a ball of your blanket that carried most of your left cologne, and sobbing till the sunrise. and today was a special show, he was absolutely shattered because your scent was slowly vanishing. 

all chigiri can do is pinch the bridge of his nose in foiling, “listen, how about we go out or something? there's a nearby place we can get lunch and-”

“they used to love that restaurant¦” reo whines, shoving his phone into the redhead face, it carried a picture of you smiling blissfully and unaware, cheeks rife with food. “they're.. cute, so cute it makes me want to die.” falling backwards on the silky duvet of the queen-sized bed. 

“Please don't, I still need my monthly allowance on genshin.” the one time nagi decided to finally say something, it had to be this. and chigiri never wanted to zip up someone's mouth so badly.

“you keep on stabbing yourself in the throat, you dumbass. if you can't do it then I'll do it for you.” stretching out his arm, opening up his palms for reo to hand over the phone and get this over with already.

in an instant, the phone was being embraced tightly to his chest, “no! I can do it myself, I just need some time," Chigiri just raised his hands in surrender, mumbling a quick ‘whatever’ as he jumped out the bed, leaving the extra space for his friend to grieve, alone.

it was a miracle that his tears still remain un-parched. Every photo he scroll through, the lump in his throat narrows painfully. clinching his lips upwards every time he crossed over while you were smiling, it hurts so good. He doesn't recognize whatever the knot in his stomach was reducing in sorrow or ecstatic.

he wasn't trashing any of those, he couldn't find it in his heart too. instead of criticizing himself of what he should've said to make you stay, what could've he done to swoon your heart instead of fleeting it. you'll keep on tip-toeing around his heartstrings and he'll let you without a charge.

he squeaked in his pillow, he just kept on bruising himself, torturing himself by the dim memory of what the two of you had once. something that not even money could regain or even soothe on. he yearned for one more kiss, one more embrace, one more chance to get a glimpse of you and he'll die a happy man, that's a lie, he'll misses you even after death.

he wished for you to come and haunt him, eat him to bits. but it was like he was the one haunting the crumbs of you.

on the middle of his groaning mess, an amber eyes staring sharply at him, his figure casting a shadow over his state. “here, drink up.” nonchalant, he handed him a random juice he ‘eeny, meeny’ his way to. reo accepted the drink, his arm sluggishly taking it. chigiri swore he was about to crack the glass over his head if he wouldn't stop this pitiful little act of his.

“why are you even this hardcore sad? you were never like this in the last weeks.”

“it's their anniversary, but not anymore I guess.” nagi shrugged, still too focused on the screen of his phone to pay the slightest amount of attention. turning a blind eye when reo flinches a bit at his truthful words 

“have anyone told you you're a terrible human being?” 

one sip, a second one. and his lilac eyes were watering for a million time. “they used to love this drink.” he whispered.

“i genuinely hope you choke on it.” 

rin: it got so bad, he talked to sae about it.. running a few years backwards, if you told the sixteen years old itoshi rin he'd be seeking his own deadbeat of a brother to vent he'd spit out in your face with no second thought.

and if he could, he would've. because rin was rethinking his life choices, taking a step back every second yet taking two ahead then comprehending once again. and now there was no going back, what was between him and the urgent fate was a wooden door. 

his hands buried deep in his pockets instead of making an attempt to knock. he found gazing at his pair of shoes much more entertaining. 

he didn't have it in his head to think straight, not when you clouded over like an angry storm, all he can do is take it and let your teardrop roll down his face, or maybe they were his own tears, he couldn't savvy it. 

after a deep lungful of air, rin thrust his forward, just an inch away, only to stop briskly. sae? really? just how desperate is he? very. he come to cuss himself for counting you as the one and only person he apostrophizes with. if only he’d listen when you would rant about him approving his social skills, he should've listened instead plugging his ears. He wished he listened to a lot of things you said..

in a rush, the door unlocked in a swift. almost making him funk backwards, unraveling the sight of his older brother, standing unimpressed. and before rin could speak a word, sae took the lead. 

“you know I could see your shadow casting under my doorstep, right?” 

Rin clicks his tongue in annoyance, and when he doesn't reply, the reddish head moves to the side, and rin steers his way in. shutting the door behind him, sae jog away, letting him take off his shoes. not even a proper welcome, he shouldn't have gotten his hopes up.

the apartment was quite tidy, a strong aroma loomed underneath his nose. Despite that, it was awkwardly dull, not even ghosts would bother haunting it. rin takes a seat in a solo couch, fumbling his fingers in a bothersome way, the silence was a deadline, not anything he wasn't used to.

It was just the first time rin had come here, by himself. without an actual family required to stick to the back. 

or without you.

unintentionally, Rin's leg keeps thrusting. a bad habit of his when the tension gets thick. every passing second he berates himself even further, damn him for having only one path to seek solace in, for allowing only one soul to soothe over his frail heart, for authorizing only one embrace to delay him.

and damn you for carving open his heart. just to leave him to bleed.

the echoing steps of sae cut his strails of thoughts. settling down his cup of hot tea. rin raised a brow at the uncivil manner. “you didn't ask for one.” his brother shrugs calmly, oh he was driving him nuts with this unchanged attitude. 

breathe in, rin.

reverberating voice called, so he obeys. straighten his pouster. “I wanted to talk to you about something. it's important.” 

“I can tell. and your sidekick is nowhere to be found, did they finally ditch you?”

his hands clutching up in a makeshift ball, rin says nothing.

“oh, so they did?” sae blows a few times over the overheated cup, taking a sip then uttering something under his breath. “Well, that's unfortunate.” adding another cube of sugar as he retorted. 

rin only got something out of this, that his brother didn't give a single fuck. and it drove him to the edge.

“You can at least pretend that you care.”

“never said I didn't.”

“you didn't have to, it's fucking showing.” rin seethed, his clenched hand striking the table balance, making the sugar cubes fall out of place. his anger was collapsing even the sweetest floras.

that doesn't nuge sae the slightest, but makes him frowns his brows a bit, because he was the one who had to sweep that off later.

the tension was solid and bulky, and Rin refused to break eye contact with the equal hues. Daring him to say something, anything. Yet he took it as a challenge, like he always does. The only way he communicates with sae is by beating him, proving himself. He'll die on that hill, even if it killed him itself. even if it has killed you already.

he knew this was a stupid idea, he should've just rotted in bed, he should've kept on living in the repeated circle of misery. He should've just lived up with every rush of breeze rustling his mistakes over and over, where he could've sworn that it was your voice.

breath, rin.

he was fucking trying. 

“So what do you want me to do about it? be your wingman and pair you together again?” 

“or, you could just say nothing. listening is enough.”

after a moment of silence, sae shoulders ease up. a guster pointed for him to keep going. so rin dose, he rants and rants like he had the time of the world right in his palms. It was mostly about you, how you were something that became his everything, how he should've stopped you like he wanted to, how he let you be driven away like he always does, how he should've apologized like he was supposed to. 

blustring about ‘what the if’s’ and what would've happened if he just.. he loved you like you loved him.. if only he tried. he can't blame it on his immense ego, his lack of communication, the digged hole on his soul that you bleeded to fill, you gave all your flesh till there was nothing left but bones.

he could've rebuilt the broken pieces of your heart, but they were too sharp to hold. He bled within every one, he was bleeding to ashes, to nothingness. 

you loved till there was nothing left to love about you. you drained down the hill. not even his blood could fulfill you.

his voice would crack, a dust cloud blows over his eyes, yet sae would stare at him ever so flatly. if he even dares to say disappointment. disappointed that his younger brother was just a copy past of him. 

someone that kills everything he touches.

When rin has nothing left to say, sae stands up. reaching his pocket for a card that carries a name and a number. as the dark-head flipped the card between his fingers, blood-thirst eyes narrowed at him.

“a fucking therapist? are you fucking kidding me?"

“you clearly need one.”

“I don't, is this some kind of lukewarm joke?”

“stop being corny, I'm trying to help you here. if you aren't willing to let yourself feel the sense of loss, you can suit yourself out.”

and with that, sae turns his back to him. like he always does. climbing the stairs to his bedroom, leaving rin to reconsider where his actions have driven him, how beyond it threw it all. 

although, he’ll never let himself feel the sense of loss. never. He'd rather be haunted by you than be alone forever, he'll be a stray till you pick him up again.

lmao wrote this with nagi plushie watching me like a hawk

[edelbleu]

our happy place

Nagi and Reo broke up two months ago. Nobody but them knows this. Now that they’re on vacation with their friends, they decide to hide it from them just a little longer. 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘺 𝘨𝘰 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨?

The evening was golden and just a little bit chilly, perfect for a long walk on the beach. Everyone had wanted to join, so they made dinner arrangements for when they came back and embarked on a hike with no fixed destination or time of return. The backdoor of the house had direct access to a private sea entrance where they could begin to follow the shore that stretched on for miles.

Reo spent a good part of the walk engaged in conversation about stocks with Karasu and Yukimiya, a subject the rest didn’t seem to care much about as they soon left the three of them in the rear. They caught up with the group when Bachira and Hiori stopped to stare at a dead jellyfish that had washed up on the shore.

Bachira's voice was filled with excitement as he prodded the jellyfish with a stick. "It's so squishy! I wanna touch it!"

Isagi's quick reflexes slapped Bachira's hand away before his index finger could make contact. "Are you an idiot?! It may be dead, but it will still sting you!" 

"Isn’t it about time we headed back?" Kunigami said. "It’s starting to get dark."

"Yeah, I agree, I’m exhausted," Nagi whined. With a theatrical sigh, he dramatically flopped onto the sand. "Reo, carry me?"

Reo's head snapped around, a sharp glare directed at Nagi, his annoyance evident. "What? You're a grown man, Nagi. Walk by yourself."

Silence hung in the air for a fraction of a second.

"Wow! Did I just hear that?" Bachira was the first to react. "I must've misheard."

"Did you just get rejected, Nagi?" Chigiri chimed in with a laugh, his tone teasing. "Looks like Reo's turned into the tough guy."

A flush of embarrassment crept up Reo's face at the attention. He was acutely aware that he used to spoil Nagi’s every whim, and that his tone just now had been a lot harsher than what any of his friends would’ve expected from him, but that was before. It had been two months since he and Nagi had been this close, since their breakup had reshaped the dynamics between them. The idea of carrying Nagi on his back now… His heart dropped to his stomach.

He looked at Nagi again, still lying on the sand. He was making grabby motions with his hands while holding Reo’s stare. 

Oh you jerk. He was doing it on purpose.

Well, two could play this game.

Reo sighed loudly. "What am I gonna do with you, huh?" He pulled on Nagi’s raised hands until he stood up; then he turned around and wrapped Nagi’s arms around his neck as he bent forward. "Hop up."

It was torture. It was bliss. To be enveloped by Nagi’s warmth once again, to feel his weight against his body like an anchor. Reo had spent the last two months trying to forget how Nagi had always grounded him, filling his days with any kind of pastime just to keep his hands occupied and his mind away from longing thoughts. 

Nagi climbed onto his back and Reo put his hands under his thighs to hold him up. 

"Let’s go back, then," Reo said to the group. 

He didn’t wait for the rest to start walking, hoping to get a headstart on them so that no one could hear him talk. When Reo considered they were far enough, he spoke.

"I should drop you into the sea and leave you there to drown."

He was joking, of course. Partially.

Nagi pressed himself closer, bringing his face next to Reo’s. "That wouldn’t work, I can swim."

Nagi’s breath tickled his ear. Reo cursed himself for ever thinking this was a good idea.

"I’ll smother you with a pillow tonight, then."

Maybe Reo’s grip was tighter than necessary, but Nagi had decided not to answer, burying his face in Reo’s neck instead, so Reo thought he deserved some credit.

They stayed silent the rest of the way home, the only sounds being the gentle lapping of the waves and the soft crunch of sand under Reo’s feet over the distant echo of their friends talking. Nagi’s breathing became deeper and slower at some point, the rise and fall of his chest more solid against his back. Reo risked a look over his shoulder and hated the way his heart swelled with tenderness at the sight of Nagi sleeping. 

It was only then that Reo noticed the puffiness and dark circles under Nagi’s eyes, the paler-than-usual color of his lips. Had Nagi not been sleeping properly lately? He had always had a nasty habit of staying up too late playing his games, but Reo thought he had helped him settle into a more healthy routine while they were together.

Reo smiled, sadly. He felt protective over someone that was no longer his to protect.

Nagi didn’t wake up when they arrived at the house; he didn’t wake up as Reo slowly climbed up the steps to their room and gently left him on the king-sized bed. 

He would take the couch this time.

~☀️~

The next day, Nagi woke up in an empty room. He felt… unusually well rested. He was also wet with sweat. He threw on the first swim shorts he could find and a t-shirt and walked down to the kitchen, where he found Isagi and Chigiri serving themselves some breakfast. 

"Good morning, Nagi," Isagi greeted.

Nagi nodded as he let himself drop into a chair. His stomach grumbled.

He couldn’t recall having dinner last night; the last thing he remembered was the warmth and rhythmic movement of Reo’s body lulling him into sleep-

Oh. Right. That had happened.

Just as he was considering banging his head against the table in embarrassment - although certainly not regret -, a cheery voice next to his ear startled him.

"Good morning, my treasure!"

Nagi’s heart did a backflip at the sound of Reo’s voice so close to his ear, the use of what once had been an endearing nickname for him and the feeling of Reo’s hand patting his head. The contact was short-lived, as Reo continued walking on towards the fridge.

"Did you sleep well? I know I did. That bed was the best."

Nagi might have not woken up during the night, but he knew Reo hadn’t slept on the same bed Nagi had. The sheets on his side had been as straight as when they had arrived, and the stuff that they had placed on top of the couch had been moved onto the floor.

Nagi also noted the way Reo tried to hide the way he was trying to stretch his right elbow, a quirk that appeared when he had slept in a bad position.

"I’ll make breakfast for us."

Nagi watched as Reo moved around the kitchen, energetic even this early in the morning as he talked lively with Isagi and Chigiri about the plans for the day. Soon he had finished setting up a tray with enough food for two and he brought it to the table right in front of Nagi. Nagi raised his hand to take a piece of fruit from the tray, but Reo pulled it just out of his reach with a mischievous grin.

"Hey, where are your manners?" Reo asked. "Aren’t you gonna give me a good morning kiss?"

Nagi froze with his hand in midair. After a few seconds, he rose an eyebrow, hoping he was giving Reo the most ‘are you fucking serious’ look he had ever received. Reo only smiled in return, his mouth turned up in a sweet gesture, but his sharp eyes were daring Nagi to follow along.

So this is payback.

Nagi looked at the other two people in the room out of the corner of his eye; Isagi and Chigiri had stopped talking - or more like moving altogether - and their gazes were locked onto them. Nagi internally cursed Reo.

Reo had been the one to break up in the first place, and now he had been the one to suggest they keep up the façade in front of others, so he had no right to be mad at Nagi; he had no right to demand anything from him. Sure, maybe Nagi had pushed his luck just a little too far with the piggyback ride, but that was something they had been doing even before they began dating; it was the perfect move to keep everyone deceived. A kiss, however… That was crossing a line Nagi hadn't agreed to.

But you know what, fuck it. If it meant so little to Reo, who was prepared to do it in front of an audience just for the sake of their play-pretend, then so be it.

Reo had turned his head slightly to the side and was pointing at the corner of his lips with his finger, but Nagi stood up from his chair and walked around the table. 

Before Reo had time to react, Nagi was pulling his head back by his hair - so soft -making his back arch against the chair, and his mouth was on his. Reo gasped in shock and Nagi took the chance to drive his tongue inside, letting it brush against Reo’s once, twice, before pulling back.

Nagi straightened himself, ignoring the groans that surrounded them - "Oh my god, get a room!" "Yeah, I’ve lost my appetite now, thanks". His attention was singularly fixed on Reo: breathless, flushed, hands trembling before his mouth. He looked overwhelmed.

Satisfaction coursed through Nagi’s body. Good.

Nagi snatched an apple from the table and headed toward the door. "I'll be at the swimming pool," he announced before making his exit.

☀️TBC☀️

[katsukikitten]

Princess 9

You wake in a cold sweat from what feels like a dreamless sleep. It worries you, a dream you can still feel the fear from but not remember makes your skin crawl.

You scent copper in the air and a flash of your Mother's eyes cloud your vision. You sit up slowly fisting your hair before you realize what this dream means.

And what the pull of power in the sea headed in this direction means. You look over the King's sleeping form and scoff softly as you rise dressing in your black outfit with the white fur.

You head down the hill by the mouth of the market intending to take a sharp left when a voice calls out in the quiet.

"Ah my queen" Reo is up before the sun has a chance to rise above the hills, setting out offerings for the King. He gives you his shadowed back as he rummages through his trunks.

"I am not his wife." More bite in your voice than usual as you think of Katsuki's scarlet eyes.

Thinking of them clouded with emotion when you misted that man.

Fear, disgust.

"I never said you were. You do not need to be wed for me to accept you as one of my sovereigns." His voice is like ointment, "I have something for you. Something I think will please you greatly."

He produces a circlet crown of teeth and pearls, you stare down at the item.

At the teeth and you swallow the small lump in your throat.

"I...." You hesitate as he motions for to bow so he may place it on your head.

"Power and confidence, emotions gifted by your people." Reo adjusts it a final time and when you stay bowed he gives you an odd look.

"Thank you." You bow deeper, having wished to have anything close to a person like Reo in your life before.

You wanted to keep him safe.

You will keep him safe.

Especially from what is coming. Even if it means misting every person you lay eyes on.

You will bloody your hands again and again to keep Reo and what is slowly becoming your people, safe.

He places his wrinkled hand onto your shoulder pulling you from war.

"I should be thanking you. His majesty has matured greatly in the short time you've been here. We hardly saw him before you came." He makes quick work of setting up his stall, "I believe you're going to be late for that meeting."

You rush towards the call of power.

To the pull of familar blood.

Reo is right, you are late as the sun gleams over the figure painting him in a golden light as he comes into view.

Making him seem Godly further fueling your urge to make him fall from his pedistol.

Sink the ship even abandoning him here, maimed and having to fight for his own survival much we you both have done to any other scout sent to threaten the High Kingdom.

But you could also use talking to your advantage.

"Ah my sweet sister! How long has it been?" Ares says cooly as you stand before him.

Having to look up at him, as you always have in life.

But he never seemed to look down on you before. Not until now.

You would be a fucking liar if you said your heart wasn't hurting as you stared into his face, teeth grinding as you think.

But somethings never change as you notice that he does not have a single weapon using his same old tactic of seeming harmless when you two would first make land fall on a nation you were to declare war.

All the while he would lie in wait and use his opponent's own weapons against them. No one lived to tell the tale that he could control any weapon. Most thought he at least had to touch it.

Which is exactly why you brought just yourself.

You were a weapon but one Ares nor your Father could ever wish to control.

"Pity about your pretty face. It's scarring quite badly." He grabs onto your chin gently tilting it this way and that. You jerk away and he smiles.

"Do you know why I began training you?" Ares asks but you do not answer as you stare at him with steeled eyes.

"I did it because I knew your beautiful face was going to be prized and I knew of your, what I thought then, inescapable fate." His eyes linger on the jagged scar, only the middle still struggling to heal, "I couldn't stand the thought of you being wed and some man taking...stealing from you to sire some wretched seed. Taking advantage of your tender heart. I wanted you to be able to fight. To be worthy to choose your own man in Father's eyes. But it seems I've hardened your heart too much."

"You are naive to have ever thought I would have a choice." You snarl and he laughs.

"You seem to have one now. Was I to get an invitation to the wedding?" Ares laughs again as you grit your teeth.

"Before you speak you must see it through my eyes. You are adorned in artic fox fur, dragon's teeth and mother pearls that are reserved only for queens here." He smiles again, fingering a dangling tooth, his eyes never waivering as he continues, "You were smart only to bring the Prince."

Your head snaps to look over your shoulder to see Bakugou Katsuki standing on the tall hill, watching. He makes no move to join the two of you.

"Judging by your expression he came uninvited?" You glare at the blonde as Ares relishes the exchange.

You turn your ire onto your brother, eyes narrowing trying hard not to take his bait.

"Heh. Only my sister would be furious with the man who loves her. Any other woman would be furious had their lover not shown an inkling of worry for them." He brushes a stray strang of hair behind your ear, "You should be thankful that of all the people to tail you it was him. He is one of the few who is confident enough in his quirk to not carry a single blade."

"He doesnt love me. He doesn't even trust me." You grab onto Ares' wrist staring him into his golden eyes, "Enough toying with me."

He is silent for a long moment, reading into your eyes and body language as if he were rereading his favorite book.

"He isnt underestimating you if that's what you think. He clearly has some sort of affinity to you. What other man would watch a woman carve her face in front of thousands and *smile* about it." He removes his wrist from your grip, "Not to mention you've been here for what? Months? I hear you share the same bed but what is more shocking is you two share the same bath. An act more intamite than sex, more deep of a bond than marriage. To leave oneself so vulnerable in front if another in this warrior culture."

"How would you know anything about this fucking place?" You snarl so darkly that Ares' eye brows raise

"I have the same eyes and ears you do. Except you already took out one informant, a little late in the game though." He smiles waving for a figure to come from the dunes behind him, shock paints your features, "But I always had a back up. Did you?"

He shoves the hand maid you two once shared, you two once called friend, to the ground. She is seemingly unharmed until Ares pries her mouth open to reveal shortened flesh cauterized deep in her mouth.

"You..." You stare in horror and she cries, clutching onto the black fabric of your pants leg.

"So how did you kill him? The usual? Drowning him? Making him whither?" Ares goes on. You cannot believe he could be so cruel to what was his lover.

You stopped using her for information on Ares when he confessed to her and he...he maimed her. You let your palm pass over the curative of her skull as you bite back rage, tears.

"Hello? I need to know the details of his demise. I was kind enough to show you what happened to yours." He smiles cruelly and when you cannot meet his eyes he knows. He pulls Asui to her feet by the crook of her arm placing her small frame behind him. You can do nothing to protect her right now.

"Oh, you must have done it *that* way? Turned him to nothing but a pile of clothes and mist. And by the guilt on your face you must have done it in front of," He tilts his head to see your turned away face your eyes ever so slightly go over your shoulder, "someone you love. Must have been the prince then."

Rage pulls your muscles into action as you hold his blood, lifting him from his feet as you near closer.

"Predictable." He laughs, "My hot headed sister like my hot headed Father."

You squeeze tighter as you fight the pull of his blood and the urging of your wrath.

Screaming to be freely wielded outside of this mortal body. You give in just a touch, his eyes bulge as his laugh turns into a gasp.

Still he finds air to taunt.

"When you last commanded my blood I could barely think to breathe. Yet you hold me here with barely any force at all. Why is that?" His voice just above a rasp.

"You better choose the right side of this war brother." A growl so dark that you see his eyes cloud with an emotion you do not see often.

"I believe I already have." He struggles against your grip.

You fight the urge to smile until suddenly something tugs on your conscious in the bushes. Their power no longer shielded by sheer will power.

You hear the familiar sound of a sharpened metal tip singing through the air finding perfect purchase in your always tender calf. Slicing straight through muscled flesh, grazing the back of your fiba.

"PRINCESS!" A roar so raw that it pulls at your stomach and causes Ares's muscles to twitch as you drop him.

"Oh tell me again how he does not have an inkling of care for you." He rubs his throat from the invisible grip.

"You and the fucking legs!" You scream as you lift your right hand to handle the rest of the now rapidly THROWN arrows headed in your direction. But before you can change the direction with the persuasion of moved moisture heated explosions obliterate the arrows.

All but one that was thrown in the opposite direction moments before your arrival, one that Ares had slowed before this moment allowing it to return to it's full momentum. The metal bites deeply into your side with such precision that it flies past boned ribs with ease settling centimeters from puncturing your left lung.

You steel yourself and do not allow the pain to consume your thoughts as you dull your senses. Katsuki rushes to your side with murderous intent ready to RIP them limb from fucking limb with his own striked ire.

But you pull the two men by their blood unknowingly saving them from an early demise.

Bringing them before you in panting breaths that both know are not from exertion or the pain of your wound.

No they know from their boiling blood that you're moments away from making them a mist on the sea air.

"Tell Father that I'm not playing around. I will end this war swiftly and I *will* crown myself High Queen even if I must do it with one foot in the grave." You seethe, power whipping around like water whips, the ocean tearing up the sides of the mountains to answer your call, "Punctuate my promise with the bodies of those who do not survive."

You toss them both over the cliff towards their slowly sinking boat, they both sink deep into the thrashing ocean as Katsuki pulls you to him by your waist.

"I'm fine!" Water whips all around him but he is untouched. You wheeze from the deafening wails of power gushing through your veins, pulling on your bones begging to be used further.

"Says the woman with two arrows protruding from her sunkissed flesh." He bites, pulling you by your forearm damning you for not swallowing your pride for a moment for him to carry you to your shared chambers.

You hobble behind his much too fast pace, spitting blood, once twice as the old stinging feeling of your cheek returns. You growl aloud when you hear voices of Mina and Momo mixed with the laughter of a male.

"You called for them again?" You snap pausing outside of the yurt. He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose before he looks over his shoulder.

"Yes to see if you needed those two stitches replaced." His eyes blister over the wound and you snarl.

Baring your teeth with such animosity one would think you beast. Still he waits for your approach and when you do not follow he makes way to grab onto your arm.

"You are truly wretched." He hisses as he pulls you past the heavy fabric. The room silences and eyes widen at the blood oozing into the polished hardwood floor in alarmingly fat drops.. Their lingering doe like stares doing nothing but bringing the burning pain of your side and leg to the forefront of your mind.

"Princess!" Kirishima calls, his own wrapped and bruised skin poking at the veil of memories you are already trying to suppress.

You breathe in needles, your patience thinning with every throb around the foreign metal in your body. You hobble to the bath trying so fucking hard to control your rapid breathing from your rising irritation. You wrap small fingers around smooth wood before you pull the first arrow from screaming flesh. Unbothered by the fact that pulling it this way would cause more damage.

You fight hesitation that no one can see as you use deft hands to pull the one from your side, throwing it so hard it buries itself inches into the thick hardwood. No one goes to move as you face in the direction of the village as the flicking your wrist locking onto someone unknown.

Pulling a man from his curtent job to assist you as his broad shoulders come flying into the yurt like a rigid doll thrown carelessly into the play house.

You flick your wrist, fingers dancing and suddenly his movements were fluid as if he were moving on his own. Doing his normal ritual to pull the purest moisture from the air before heating it between his palms.

Had no one seen your hand at work, they would all think he was filling a bath of his own accord. Especially with how gingerly he opens the large glass jars beside the tub, pouring in certain herbs for medical purposes. Everyone in the room blanches feeling their throats tighten with unfamiliar fear, everyone one but a certain hot head.

No, he does not whiten like bone in the sun, his anger colors his cheeks red as a fall apple.

"I'm sure he knows how to use his own fucking quirk!" He snarls darkly in his mother tongue. You hold his burning eyes with your own, guilt fills your throat with each passing second and finally you snap.

You scream your frustration flicking your wrists as you do and sending everyone from the yurt to land at the foot of the market.

Everyone but the ash blonde that your body refuses to control in spite of the power, of your own will, begging you to use him.

To use all of them to get what you want.

You pant heavily, your rage having raised your blood pressure in turn causing a thicker pool of crimson at your feet. It is making you dizzy which is making you angrier. Your rage organ pumping out unnecessarily hot wrath into your thick capable frame causing it to shake.

"Get. Out." You bite, venom soaking every syllable before turning so softly as your eyes prick with welled up ire, "Now."

Katuski notices the change in demeanor quickly, stepping slowly to you, until his hands hovered over your shoulders. Still cautious to touch.

"If you truly wanted me to you would have sent me away as you did with them." His voice is soft for once, his hands finally landing on your shoulders gently, "Let me help you."

When you do not respond he goes for a carved bone knife by the tub to better access your wound and your raw emotions have you snapping again as you think of out stretched gnarled hands.

"THIS IS MY FUCKING FAVORITE ONE!" You yell franticly in his mother tongue and he places the knife down slowly. Careful to avoid sudden movements as he slides the fur of the jumper off of your shoulders a bit before folding it over careful to guide it furthest away from you wound as he slips you out of the black fabric.

"Ki can fix it just as she made it." He reassures you of Reo's wife's skill as he lays it gently over a low arm chair. He notices your crown, fingering the dragons teeth softly before removing it with slow fluid motions. He damned Reo when he saw it placed atop your brilliant crown, the old man knew full well it would have his heart racing to see what Reo, what his people already saw.

A Queen.

He sets it on your side table, careful to straighten the strings of pearls and teeth before returning to his work. He lifts you princess style as he eases you into the bath, undressing himself only after he's settled you. Stepping in with an almost sluggish manner as if any movement of water would disturb you.

"You should heal your wounds while they are submerged. Start with your side." An order that you for once obey, feeling too numb from the rush of fading emotion to notice the worry in his tone. He turns you away from him slowly as nimble fingers unweave your braided hair, disentangling any knots along the way before pouring deliciously hot water over your scalp.

Fat tears fall over red rimmed eyes as he tenderly cares for you, his hand massaging in shampoo while you're reminded of your improbable behavior all the while your brother's words echo in your head.

"Only my sister would be furious with the man who loves her."

"Oh tell me again how he does not have an inkling of care for you."

It is true that he must feel something for you. He had not harmed you, barely touched you in your sleep, he was sure you were clothed and fed. And when you shook the cage of his ire he restrained himself, a feat others had later told you was unheard of. Hell he even saved you from certain death within a few hours of meeting him after such a display of spiteful behavior and what do you do in return of his favor? Your mind flashes images of the times you thought to kill him, how many times did you talk yourself out of using his very own bath water to silence him forever.

You try to swallow the sob that threatens your frame but to no avail, it causes you to shake breaking the dam on your tears once more.

The second time in years you were truly and uselessly crying.

Katsuki takes immediate notice, he gives you a moment and when you continue to cry openly he speaks.

"What plagues your thoughts princess?" His voice is like ointment on your burning cheek.

"Nothing." Your voice comes out normal, having long ago learned to control your pitch and tones.

"Then why are you shaking? It is not a shiver from cold as the bath is steaming and I know it is not a shiver of pleasure." He chuckles darkly at his own joke before rinsing away the conditioner, "Face me if nothing is wrong."

You do not move and he sighs.

"I need to clean your cheek..." He bites back his impatient growl as a broad hand turns you to face him. He watches you swipe at your eyes quickly with angry hands.

"It is okay to show me your tears." He says as he drinks in the sight of you, even in sadness you're breath taking, "I will help carry the burden of them."

"No, it's an ugly display of vulnerability that I wish to never share." You bite back another sob.

"Do you know why my people respect women so much?" He asks and when you cannot offer an answer he continues, "We respect women because they are so in tune with their emotions. Because they are strong enough to allow them to happen, brave enough to show their tears, their rage, their love to another. Women are far from weak, tears are far from weak."

The dam somehow bursts again and your body is rocked with emotion.

Over too many things and possibilities.

Over the blood you will soon have on your hands and true to his word Katsuki takes some of your burden as he pulls you to him, both of you uncaring of the proximity of your naked bodies. He wraps powerful arms around you as his palm glides over your wet hair. Your tears collect in the crook of his spiced neck as the steam begins to die away from the bath. Slowly you return to your normal state and slowly he gathers things to clean your wound. He stops for a moment and stares.

Crimson eyes gliding over a scared bottom lip, he traces it for a moment and you shudder. The scar tingles from the ghost of his calloused skin as he sighs, stare fixated on the wound he reopened. The remorse in his eyes has your own stinging, silence stretches between the two of you as time seems to slow.

"I'm sorry, Mo chuisle." He breathes so softly, breaking the spell, as the pad of his thumb wipes away a stray tear, hand squeezing the rag in his other hand.

"My pulse?" You ask softly, letting your hand slide down his forearm to caress the softened skin of the crook of his elbow.

"That is what you're becoming." He admits as he returns to dabbing at your cheek, "As much as I do not want it to be. You urge my heart to beat, to drum on."

You stare at the man before you, his glistening skin shining in small scars from battles unknown, a man that has been hardened by time and tragic loss yet still he sits before you. As raw and vulnerable as you, softened by nothing other than your own thorny exterior. His blood beats in time with your own, his power thrumming beneath toned muscles calling out to you as yours calls to his. You close the distance between you two again, he gives you his full attention as your scared lips move in perfect motions under his watchful eye.

"Thank you....mo chuisle." You say softly watching his cheeks dust with blush. You lean ever closer, daring to press your lips to his if only for a moment. Katsuki fights every muscle in his body not to hold your mouth to his letting you lean away as his heart yearns for more.

[nerianasims]

Billboard #1s 1981

Under the cut.

Blondie -- "The Tide Is High" - January 31, 1981

I have problems trying to figure out what to say about Blondie. This song is reggae-ish, as it's a cover of a 1967 rocksteady song. The song itself is really good, and Blondie do interesting things with it without changing it much or being disrespectful. Of course, it has a lot more icy determination and a lot less vulnerability than the original, because Debbie Harry. It's enjoyable, but now that I've heard the original, I prefer that one. Nothing against Debbie Harry, but I usually prefer more warmth in music, especially when it comes to love songs.

Kool & The Gang -- "Celebration" -- February 7, 1981

I've heard this song way too much, and it's not a song that particularly rewards hundreds of listens. It's a good party song and all, but I'm never going to listen to it again if I have a choice.

Dolly Parton -- "Nine to Five" -- February 21, 1981

Having a steady 9 to 5 job that makes you a living sounds like a dream in the gig economy. But it did suck. They had no idea how much worse things would get, though. It's still a rich man's game, and you spend your life putting money in his wallet. As it's been since Babylon at least. This is a really good song, and the music is upbeat, and Dolly Parton is a world treasure, but my current 2020 mood means it depresses me too.

Eddie Rabbitt -- "I Love A Rainy Night" -- February 28, 1981

I'm trying to remember all the songs about rain I can. There's "Here Comes the Rain Again", "Purple Rain", "November Rain", "It's Raining Men", "Have You Ever Seen the Rain", "Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head", "Rainy Days and Mondays", "Set Fire to the Rain" -- they're always about something else. Rain sets the stage, or it's a metaphor. This song is more like "Laughter in the Rain," which is simply about enjoying walking in the rain with someone you love and nothing more. But this is even less than that. He loves a rainy night. That's it and all and entire. And he is going to tell you he loves a rainy night 24 times. I counted. There's no musical variation either. That's the bulk of the song. Other than that, he loves lightning and thunder. It's no wonder I'd never heard this song before, because it is deadly dull.

REO Speedwagon -- "Keep On Loving You" -- March 21, 1981

It was the thing to denigrate 80s power ballads when I was a teenager because we'd had more than enough of them as children, thank you very much. We'd had more than enough of the 80s generally (they sucked, actually, no matter what those day-glo colors tell you. Reagan was an atrocity.) But power ballads didn't deserve the ire, and so they've been embraced again. This is one of the classics. It's about the narrator -- and the singer Kevin Cronan, in reality -- forgiving his wife for cheating on him. I didn't know that until now, because I never really listened to the song. It's far from my favorite power ballad, as how hard Kevin Cronan hits the consonants bugs me. Yeah, I'm from Michigan, I say "r"s like a pirate too, but not to that extreme.

Blondie -- "Rapture" -- March 28, 1981

Debbie Harry sort of raps on this. I dunno, I'm too distracted by the lyrics. The singing part makes sense, as it's about dancing causing rapture. But then the rap (?) part starts. "And you drive all night and then you see a light/ And it comes right down and lands on the ground/ And out comes a man from Mars/ And you try to run but he's got a gun/ And he shoots you dead and he eats your head/ And then you're in the man from Mars/ You go out at night, eatin' cars." It goes on like that. They're some of the weirdest lyrics I've ever seen, and I was a teenager in the Beck "Loser" era. They're probably supposed to just be weird, but... what? That's my opinion on this song.

Daryl Hall and John Oates -- "Kiss On My List" -- April 11, 1981

This is another 80s song I've heard a ton but never really listened to the lyrics. It is a love song, but I'm not quite sure what the narrator's getting at. "If you want to know/ What the reason is I'll only smile when I lie/ Then I'll tell you why." He says it's because your kiss is on his list, and he misses it when he turns out the light. He also seems to be hiding you from his friends. Is he cheating with you? Or maybe he's not with you but wants to be? I don't know, and I'm putting too much thought into what's really a slight but enjoyable pop song.

Sheena Easton -- "Morning Train (Nine to Five)" -- May 2, 1981

What a boring, repetitive beat. This is the opposite of Dolly Parton's "Nine to Five." The narrator in this one stays home while her husband goes to work on the morning train. The whole day, all she does is sit around thinking about him. Nothing else at all. I've nothing against one partner staying at home while the other goes out to work -- I'd be a hypocrite if so, because that's what I do. But I do have something against pretending any woman's brain is so utterly empty that literally all she can think about is her husband. She's not even trying to make a nice home or anything. She apparently just sits around obsessing over her husband. Maybe they've been married for two days, but even so. Also Sheena Easton doesn't hit the high notes she goes for, so that was an unpleasant nails on a chalkboard surprise. Terrible song.

Kim Carnes -- "Bette Davis Eyes" -- May 16, 1981

I love Bette Davis. I do not like this song. In fact, I hate this song. It's Kim Carnes' voice. She sounds like she's been smoking 3 cigars a day for 40 years. Worse, the way she chooses to sing is completely off the rails. She sounds like a cartoon character. I like Jackie DeShannon's original. I can't stand this version.

Stars on 45 -- "Stars on 45" -- June 20, 1981

Baby Boomer nostalgia is the most powerful force in the universe. Which doesn't mean all, or most, baby boomers are drowning in nostalgia, but the ones who are (like my father) are sure a profitable demographic. This "song" is a medley of a bunch of hits to make them go "I recognized it so I clapped." Incredibly bad.

Air Supply -- "The One That You Love" -- July 25, 1981

It's an almost power ballad song that sounds vaguely Broadway-ish, or would if Russell Hitchcock were a good singer. He's about as good a singer as me, except with a weaker voice. That is not good. He doesn't give me a headache or anything, and he does manage to hit the notes right (barely) and to put emotion into his voice, but the guys who sang the leads in our musicals in high school were better. Anyway, he's trying to get his lover not to break up with him, insisting over and over that he's "the one that you love." The lyrics aren't exactly great, but they're not horrible either. But this guy does not have a strong enough voice for power ballads. Yet again, I am wondering what Barry Manilow would have done with this.

Rick Springfield -- "Jessie's Girl" -- August 1, 1981

I remember people going kinda nuts for "Jessie's Girl" some years back, and being like... really? It's fine, but nothing special. He can't even seem to remember the name of the girl he wants. I dunno, whatever, I have no real problems with it, and it does have a nice beat, but it comes and goes without making an impression on me.

Diana Ross & Lionel Richie -- "Endless Love" -- August 15, 1981

Drowning in glop, send help.

Christopher Cross -- "Arthur's Theme (Best That You Can Do)" -- October 17, 1981

The movie Arthur is rom-com about a man who was born rich, has never grown up, has never faced any consequences, and treats women like garbage. Fuck aaaalllll the way off. We have reason to be particularly intolerant of this stuff nowadays, and we never should have tolerated it. Romance novelists are smart enough to give their rich heroes some trauma in their pasts, and nowadays the heroes rarely treat women badly either (Christian Grey being an exception. And even he at least has a tortured soul.) The song basically lays out the main character's personality, or lack thereof. There is the neat line, "When you get caught between the moon and New York City." And I woke up with that line -- and nothing else from the song -- in my head, so I can understand why it became a hit. But if I want a movie about the moon and New York City, I'll take Moonstruck.

Daryl Hall & John Oates -- "Private Eyes" -- November 7, 1981

This sounds like Scientology's theme song. Except the "private eyes" are metaphorical. He means he can tell you're hurting even when you try to hide it. "Why you try to put up a front for me/ I'm a spy but on your side, you see." Still, boundaries dude. It's musically fun enough, but the lyrics... eh...

Olivia Newton-John -- "Physical" -- November 21, 1981

This is an aerobics song. Technically it's supposed to be about sex, but Newton-John's in aerobics gear on the single cover, the music video is at a gym, and the beat is for exercising to. Not even dancing. It's not seductive in the slightest. Aerobics in the 80s led to a lot of hip replacements in the 00s. As a song, all I hear is background music for a workout, so... yeah, not interested.

BEST OF 1981 -- "Nine to Five" by Dolly Parton. WORST OF 1981 -- "Stars on 45" by Stars on 45

[taehyungiestummy]

Blood, Sweat, and Tears -- Chapter Twenty-Two

Masterlist     Previous     Next: Coming Soon

Warnings: Swearing

Word Count: 6952

         “You are so lucky that I love you,” Yoongi’s jaw sets as he shakes his head, crossing his arms over his chest. The two of us are standing in the middle of the garage waiting for my motorcyclist to return to us. “You just want to break every rule that I set down, don’t you?”

         “Oh come on, Yoongi,” I chuckle, throwing up my hands in exasperation. “I just spent two weeks confined to a hospital room. Sure, I got to spend that time with my friends, my lovely brother, and the love of my life, playing video games, or watching something on the TV, or talking, or just enjoying the company as we did our own thing. But I was still trapped in a room where I had to see the same four walls for two weeks. Then you spring it on me that I can’t leave the mansion until we figure all this shit out. I deserve one last outing before I have to stay within these walls for who knows how long.”

         “Two weeks isn’t even that long. With all that has been happening to us, that is a blink of an eye.”

         “When you cannot leave a small hospital room, two weeks stretches out for a lot longer. You were able to do whatever you wanted, so please just let me do this one last thing before shit gets real.”

         “What happened to the girl that never wanted to leave the house?” Yoongi teases, the hint of a smile on his lips.

         “She met a boy who rides a motorcycle,” Taehyung speaks up as he slowly approaches us on his motorcycle. “I promise to take good care of her, and we won’t stop to go into any shops. We’ll be gone for thirty-five minutes or so, and then we will set up in Bambi’s room. She’ll get back to schoolwork, and I will hack away at whatever you tell me to, boss.” He kicks the stand out, climbing off his motorcycle and walking over to us.

         “Don’t call him that,” I shake my head, hugging onto one of Taehyung’s arms.

         “That’s what I am,” Yoongi narrows his eyes at me. “What should he call me?”

         “I haven’t decided yet, but I don’t like him calling you boss. I’m sick of all of us being so formal around each other. We’re all friends, a family really, and we should act like it more often.”

         “That’s cute, babe,” Taehyung presses a kiss to the top of my head. “Are you ready to head out?”

         “I guess, if you want to change how we do things around here, you are allowed to as my partner,” Yoongi nods a few times.

         “Dad isn’t in charge anymore, and we don’t have to run this like a strict business of people who hate to be around each other,” I slightly smile. “I think it is time that we do more fun things as a group. That we call each other by our actual names and not our codenames outside of meetings. Is that alright, brother?”

         “I can accept that,” he reaches over to rub his hand over the top of my head. “I’ll still call you Bambi, though. You’ll always be my little one.”

         “Whatever makes you happy,” I giggle. “I’m ready to go, Tae.”

         “Don’t worry about us, Yoongi,” Taehyung says. “I doubt anyone is better on a motorcycle than me, and I will do anything to keep Areum safe.”

         “I trust you, Taehyung,” Yoongi turns around and starts walking back towards the house. “I’ll see you both when you get back!”

         “This is probably the last good day for a ride, so perfect timing,” Taehyung pulls his arm out of my hold, going over to his motorcycle to grab the helmets. “I’m sure that it will start snowing sometime soon.”

         “I can’t believe that December is just days away,” I skip up to Taehyung, awaiting him to place my helmet on my head. “I’ll have to really focus on getting my finals done in time.”

         “I don’t think you will have any trouble,” he leans down, pressing a kiss to my nose before placing my helmet on. “Since you get to do it from the comfort of your bed with two dogs to cuddle with.”

         “You’ll be in my office then?” I secure the strap, making sure that the helmet is snug.

         “Seems like the best place to be comfortable and be out of your way until you get your work done. I assume that you will join me once you are free of school,” he grins, adjusting the helmet on his head. “You could sit on my lap, or lie on the cushioned bench, or bring another desk chair in, but you’ll be closer.”

         “No doubt in my mind,” I giggle. “I’m glad that Yoongi agreed to a more relaxed environment. I truly think that we can be closer, and be able to interact like the good friends that we are.”

         “You want to leave your own legacy,” he swoops down to press a kiss to my lips. “Keep pushing to lead the way that you want.”

         “Come on,” I poke his stomach a few times. “I want to go on this ride while I still can.”

         We spend the next few minutes settling on the seats, and then Taehyung is driving out of the garage. I watch the trees go pass as we make our way down the driveway, and before I know it, we are out on the main road. The crisp air makes my lungs burns, making me feel more alive than I have in the past two weeks. All of my senses come to life as we cruise through the streets. I’ve needed this for a long time, and I would have gone behind my brother’s back if I had to.

         I slowly lean back, keeping my hands on Taehyung’s sides for balance. The wind whipping around me drowning out most noise. It’s near impossible to talk to Taehyung like this, so I am left to my thoughts.

         I know that Minho and Boram have warned me about trying to remember the last chunk of memories. That the pressure I would put on my brain could be extremely harmful, but I have a feeling that a lot would be unraveled. I know my mother’s murder is the last piece of the puzzle still under lock and key, which would be a lot harder to trigger than the last few bursts of memories. To know the circumstances that surrounded my mother’s death would be a great help with understanding my father’s.

         We slow to a stop at a red light. There may be multiple cars around us, but I feel like we are the only ones in the world right now.

         Taehyung’s feet hit the pavement, and then he turns back to look at me. “How you feel?”

         “Great,” I gummy smile. “This is just what I needed to stretch my legs before staying in the mansion for who knows how long.”

         “I love you,” he winks before turning back around.

         “I love you too,” I squeeze his sides.

         In the next moment we are moving again, and I am falling back into my thoughts.

         Once I told Yoongi about what Reo told me, he went into a frenzy looking into every single person that spends most of their lives at the mansion. Even if they don’t live there, he wanted to make sure that no one could possibly be a double agent for the Red Wolves. Of course, everyone came out clean, but it made me think about all my closest friends and where they come from.

         For the most part, I know a general idea of where those I interact with most in the mansion come from. I know if they have siblings, or if they come from a broken home, or if they were on a path to prison. I know how old most of them were when my father saved them and brought them to the mansion. The ones that I am extremely close with, I could tell their story as if it happened to me. It goes both ways, as I have always trusted my friends with all that goes on with my life. Some more than others, but if any of them were to ask, I would spill my guts. Bangtan is built on trust.

         However, there is one person that I know next to nothing about their past, and he’s the one in control of the motorcycle we are on. Taehyung I wouldn’t say avoids the topic of his past, but he sure isn’t openly talking about it. I’ve searched my memories of us when we were younger, and he didn’t tell me then either. I do not worry that he is keeping a terrible secret from me like asshole Reo was. I know that Taehyung loves me more in every possible way to hurt me like that. His heart is with Bangtan as much as it is with me. Still, I want to be able to understand where he comes from. To be able to talk about our lives before each other. I’m sure that he’s just waiting for a good time to tell me.

         I take a deep breath, looking around at the city we are passing through. All the cute little shops, and all the people bundled up as the walk down the sidewalk. Even though I love my life and leading the biggest crime organization in the country, there are times when I wish that I could spend one day like the average person. Where no one knows my name, and I don’t have to look over my shoulder at every corner.

         My eyes catch onto a slick black car with heavily tinted windows weaving through traffic. Whatever they are running late for must be more important than any lives.

         I roll my eyes, tearing my gaze away from the idiot driver.

         It would be nice if our helmets had a way to communicate with each other or listen to the radio. It can be nice to be alone with your thoughts, but the sound of the wind can only be enjoyable for so long. I would like to sing along to any of my favorite songs, or to talk Taehyung’s ear off about whatever my heart desires.

         A car horn screams out, breaking me out of my thoughts. The screech of rubber on road gets me to snap my head towards whatever accident was just avoided. My eyes lock on to the black car from before speeding right at us.

         “Taehyungie!” I scream, leaning forward to put my chest to his back as my arms wrap around his torso. “Look out! A car is coming right at us!”

         Taehyung glances over his shoulder; his mouth moving as curse words that I can’t hear fly out.

         I take a deep breath, waiting for the car to ram us, but the sensation never comes.

         Taehyung quickly swerves us out of the car’s path. Somehow able to keep us from skidding out. “Hang on tight! We’re gonna go fast!”

         I squeal, tightening my hold on Taehyung as he floors it. My heart is pounding in my ears as he skillfully maneuvers us through the traffic, but the car after us is doing its best to keep up with us.

         This can’t possibly be an assassination attempt by the Red Wolves. They want me alive to be the voiceless princess beside Reo. I would be severely injured if this car were successful in ramming into us. Taehyung could die if he is not able to get us out of this mess.

         “Trust me, kitten!” Taehyung’s voice reaches me over the car horns, screams of civilians, and the roar of engines all around us. “I have spent countless hours becoming the best at this for a good reason!”

         My heart is still racing, but the doubt filled thoughts quickly exit my mind.

         It not hard to tell that the car is jumping up on the sidewalk to get around the traffic and keep up with us. And it is hard not to hear the pained screams from those who are not able to get out of the way in time. All because whoever is after me is on a mission.

         “Go down an alley or something, Tae!” I press my cheek against the spot between his shoulder blades. “We have to get out of here! People are getting hurt!”

         “Working on it!” Taehyung shouts back.

         The world seems to run in slow motion as the street narrows, and I can feel our pursuers edging closer. This is the part of the movie where I would be shaking on the edge of my seat.

         “Do not let go, Areum! We are going to take this turn like it should never be taken!”

         All words catch in my throat as I understand what is about to happen.

         In the next few seconds, an alleyway comes into my view. Taehyung slams on the break mere moments before we are even with the alley, flinging the front wheel towards the direction that we need to go. I can feel the back wheel pop off the ground as a scream leaves my lips. Taehyung then puts all his might into the gas, so that in the next moment we are flying down the alley at gut wrenching speeds. The black car’s brakes scream out, signaling to us that it will not be following us any longer. That Taehyung was able to give them the slip.

         My brain is a fuzzy mess as Taehyung speeds back to the mansion through side streets. While it seems impossible that the car could have found us again, he isn’t taking any chances. If we have to take twenty minutes to get home in order to avoid anyone, then that is what Taehyung will do to protect me.

         I’m not actually sure how long it takes us to get back to the mansion as I am too focused on calming myself down from what could have been my last moments on this earth. All the grounding techniques that I learned from my forced therapy sessions are not helping in the slightest. The tears are still collecting in the corner of my eyes, and I can’t get my heart to stop beating like it is going to pop out of my chest. I barely notice us pulling into the garage and coming to a stop.

         “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Taehyung forcefully kicks the stand out, hopping off his motorcycle as he pulls his helmet off and throws it with all his might at the floor.

         I blink a few times, bringing myself back into the moment. “Tae, are you okay?” My voice comes out quieter than I intended, but I’m am more surprised that I can even talk in this moment.

         Taehyung looks over at me, running his hands through his hair multiple times. He takes a deep breath before finally relaxing. “Are you okay? Forget me for a second. I need to know if you are okay?” He steps up to me, gently taking my helmet off and tossing it onto the ground behind me. “Fuck, I could feel your heart against my back, and I was afraid that you might pass out from being that worked up.” He cups my face to run his thumbs over my cheeks in an attempt to soothe me.

         “I’ve never had someone come after me.” My voice cracks, but I refuse to cry. “I have also never gone that fast on a motorcycle before, so I guess there is a bit of a silver lining there.” I force a giggle passed my lips.

         Taehyung sadly smiles, “Oh, Areum, I am so sorry that you just had to go through that. I can’t believe they would send someone after you like that.” He leans down to place his forehead on me. “How about we go up to your room and calm down?” He takes a step back, pulling his hands away from my face.

         “Are you okay?” I slowly climb off his motorcycle. My legs feeling like jelly when they hit solid ground. “You got us out of that situation without too much trouble, but I can’t even imagine what you must have been feeling.”

         “I’m fine. I was going to do whatever I had to back there to make sure that you made it back here. Even if it meant-”

         “Don’t,” I hold up my hand. “Do not even finish that sentence.”

         “It’s true, though, and I know that you were thinking the same thing for me.”

         “I was hoping that you told the truth when you said that you were the best motorcyclist in the city.”

         He shrugs, “Was I?”

         “I would say yes.” I take the few steps over to him on shaky legs.

         “Areum,” he looks over me with concern. “Can you even make it to your room?”

         “Just give me a moment,” I take a deep breath. “It will pass in a minute.”

         “I’d rather not wait that long,” he chuckles, swiftly picking me up like a bride. “I may be a hacker, but I can carry you all the same.”

         I giggle, linking my arms around his neck. “Well, I am okay with this.”

         “I would hope so,” he leans down and presses a kiss to my lips. He then starts walking, entering the house and making his way towards what is now our room.

         “Do you think that we made a mistake?” I speak up after a few minutes. “Yoongi told us that we should have stayed home, but I wanted to go out so bad.”

         “None of what just happened is our fault, first of all, so we did not make a mistake. We should be able to leave this mansion without fear of someone coming after your life.”

         “I guess you’re right,” I nibble on my bottom lip. “I never thought it would come to this.”

         “It should have never gotten to this.”

         It doesn’t take too much longer for use to make it to our room where Taehyung sets me down in the middle of the bed. Snow and Cookie lift their heads to look at us from their spot at the foot of the bed.

         “I’m going to make sure that whoever did this is brought to justice,” Taehyung speaks up from his spot kneeling beside me. “I will hack until I figure out who was out to get you. Even if that means I have to sleep and eat less, I will do whatever it takes to make sure that you stay safe.”

         “Taehyungie,” I pout, grabbing his hand. “As much as that means to me that you would do something like that, I don’t want you to risk your health to protect me. Hack all day if you want, but I want you to get sleep and eat meals with me like we’ve been doing.”

         “I promise that I won’t overwork myself,” he brings my hand up to press kisses to my knuckles. “And I promise that I will find whoever was after us today. That is a Kim Taehyung promise, babe. Not once have I broken one of those.”

********

         I run my hand along the books as Yoongi and I walk down an aisle of the library. There used to be a time when we would run down these aisle playing tag, or I would do my best to hide wherever I could while Yoongi tracked me down. Now, this is the best place that the two of us can find to get away from everyone and be able to talk.

         “I think that I have had enough near-death experiences now to last a few years,” I sigh, pulling my hand away from the books. “All the times that the Red Wolves’ lady has come up to me, and then Reo, and now that black car. Not to mention times before this that I probably didn’t even know there was danger. I’m getting a bit sick of it, honestly,” I chuckle.

         “I truly didn’t think that those fuckers would pull a stunt like that, but I guess I underestimated them,” Yoongi shakes his head. “I thought that they wanted to have you to be their princess, but yesterday showed something completely different. You could have been killed, which defeats the whole purpose.”

         I shrug, “They clearly had a plan. They knew what they were doing. I just want to know how they even knew that Taehyung and I were out there. The CCTVs in the mansion have been encoded again and are being watched with a close eye.”

         “I’m sure that they know his motorcycle, so it was just a matter of time before they caught the two of you out on a ride.”

         “It was still one of the most exciting rides of my life. When Taehyung made that turn down into the alley, I screamed at the top of my lungs, but people do the same thing when on a rollercoaster.”

         “I am beyond grateful that you were with Taehyung. In fact, almost every time that you have found yourself in one of these dangerous situations, he has been right there to keep you safe. I know that some people would be suspicious because of that, but I know him, and I know what he has been through. I will forever be in his debt for saving my little sister.” He slings his arm over my shoulder, pulling me into his side.

         “Since you brought up Taehyung, I actually wanted to ask a few things and see if you could answer them.”

         “Like what?”

         “Well, he’s the only one out of all my friends here that I have no idea about his past. I know that we haven’t been dating for a long time, but we’ve known each other for a big chunk of our lives. We love each other with all our being, yet he has still not told me about what landed him in Bangtan. I was just wondering if you could give me a little bit of what he’s gone through?”

         Yoongi chuckles, “Nice try, Bambi, but that is not my place to talk about your boyfriend in that way. I can tell you about other things about him, though. Like how he picked out Cookie, or the kind of music that he likes to listen to, but his past is something that he has to tell you himself. If you want to know that bad, you’ll just have to ask him whenever you get the chance.”

         I groan, “If I ask him, then he might get defensive. I don’t want him to think that I want to learn about his past so that I can decide if he is still right for me. I just thought that by this time he would trust me enough, know that I truly love him more than I have loved any person, and would tell me.”

         “He’s had a lot tougher life than most people that come to us, so he’s probably a little scared to tell you about it. I doubt he’ll keep it from you forever, but it is his story to tell, so you just have to wait until he feels ready to tell you.”

         “I know, I know,” I grumble. “I just love him so much, and I want to be able to talk about everything with him. I want him to know that I will always be there for him.”

         “He knows that already. We actually talked about you for a bit when we had that meeting after you passed out. Out of all the mafia boys that you could have fallen in love with, I am glad that it was him.”

         “I hope that one day I can figure out why dad decided to take him from me,” I take a deep breath. “Speaking of finding out about things people have done, how about you tell me about the day that mom died?”

         Yoongi bursts out into laughter, causing us to stop in the middle of the aisle.

         I pull out of his arm, turning to look at him with my arms crossed over my chest. “Come on, what’s so funny? I’m being serious. Mom’s death is at the center of all of this, and I know that I am the one that found her that day. Those are the first memories that were taken from me. They could hold many keys to many locks. I know that you remember that day, so all you have to do is give me a few snippets, and hopefully it will all come rushing back to me.”

         Yoongi takes a few deep breaths to calm down, wiping the tears from the corners of his eyes. “You can be such a brat, you know that? You just got out of the medical wing after getting some memories back. You said yourself that your brain felt like it was going to explode, and you want to purposely go through that again. You want to risk going back to the hospital for however long for some memories. Are you crazy?”

         “I’m definitely crazy, but not because I want to get my memories back. I don’t care that I would have to go through pain again if it meant that I wouldn’t have such a big hole in my memories. I know that it probably isn’t the best thing for me, but it was taken from me for a reason, so I would like to take it back. No matter how bad they are, I deserve to have my memories.”

         Yoongi leans over and presses a kiss to my forehead. “I know that it must be frustrating for you to have those gaps, to not remember what is such a crucial point in your life. It lead you to the path of being the leader with me. I get it, but there is no way in hell that I would tell you anything because Minho and Boram told me how bad it could be.”

         “Fine,” I puff out my cheeks and furrow my eyebrows.

         “There’s a lot of memories that you still have, though,” he brings his hand up to squeeze my cheeks between is thumb and index finger. “I’m sure that you remember that beach day that we took as a family, and how I chased you around.”

         “Yeah, with a crab!” I give him a small shove. “You knew that I was freaking out because I don’t like the way those little suckers look.”

         He chuckles, linking his arm with mine and pulling me to start walking again. “You were overreacting, and you know it.”

         “I was not overreacting,” I chuckle. “Mom finally saved me from you being a dick, but I still couldn’t stop crying because you traumatized me.”

         “What about that time Jimin came over to the house, and you were helping mom make cookies, and him and I kept trying to eat the dough out of the bowl, so finally you switched the bowls and put chili powder in one.”

         I chuckle again, thinking back to the looks on the boys faces when the chili powder hit them. “You had that coming. I told you not to eat the raw dough multiple times, but neither of you would listen to me. Mom was actually the one to hand me the spice, so its more her fault than mine.”

         “Sure, sure. Say whatever you want to feel better.”

         “There was also the time when we didn’t believe that mom could play video games at all, and then she kicked our asses at Mario Kart. Sometimes I wonder when she had the time to keep up her skills. Between spending time with us, organizing charity or whatever events, and then being with dad, you would think there was no time to do anything for herself.”

         “I’m sure she was able to easily find time. For all we know, she played games with dad. I doubt that they spent their time together doing work all the time. You and Taehyung are like them in a way. They would work on different things in the same room, but when the time came, they would come together to talk and whatever else.”

         “I mean, you can’t work all the time. If I don’t tell Taehyung to take a break, he wouldn’t. If I want him to hang out with me though, he will.”

         “He’s wrapped around your little finger in the best way possible.”

         I giggle, “Well, I am wrapped around his, so it all works out.”

         “It’s too bad that mom isn’t here to see you finally get with the love of your life. I’m sure the two of you would have been able to talk for hours. All those girl nights that you would have when I was off with dad. I never really knew what you talked about, but you always had a smile on your face when we found you two asleep in a bed.”

         “We would talk about a lot of things,” I happily sigh. “I used to have conversations with her in my head after she died because I knew those times were going to be the ones that I missed the most. As time when by, though, I started to forget her, and the conversations filtered away. Now I just have those talks with Sooyoung, which have been a good substitute.”

         “I’m sure those conversations have been a lot different than what you had with mom,” he gives my upper arm a squeeze. “I’m sure that Taehyung is done with his hacker meeting now, if you want to go find him.”

         “I’d like to spend a few more minutes with you, actually,” I softly smile. “Thanks for taking my mind off things, Yoongi. I know you just want to keep me safe, and sometimes I do things that put that in jeopardy. I appreciate you and all that you do, and I don’t think that I tell you that enough.”

         “You’re sweet, Bambi,” Yoongi presses a kiss to my temple. “I do what I can to keep us all safe. It’s hard being in my position, with so much weighing on my shoulders, but I think it will be easier with you by my side more often.”

         “I love you so damn much, Yoongi, I hope that you know that. I’m excited for what we are going to do with Bangtan in the future.”

         “I love you just as much, Areum. Don’t you ever forget it. Now, I think we need to go find Taehyung, so that you can get back to school and he can get back to the bottom of whoever was after the two of you. We’ll get together again soon, but there are bigger things that need to be tackled before then.”

********

         I stretch my arms above my head as a yawn slips through my lips. It’s been a few days since the motorcycle escapade, meaning that December has arrived, and snow will be falling before I know it. I’ve been working hard to get through my normal schoolwork and onto my finals. It has been tiring, but I know that once I get it done it will be so worth it.

         Taehyung readjusting in my office chair causes me to look over at him. He’s in there from the time we wake up until I drag him to bed. He’ll usually take a small break to eat meals with me, and we’ve been taking showers together each morning, but I still worry about him. He’s juggling hacking into my father’s computer, trying to find out anything about the Red Wolves, and looking at all kinds of video from our car chase. Progress has been slow, which is understandable, but I have faith that he will crack it all soon.

         Snow sneezes, settling closer to Cookie at the foot of the bed. The two dogs have gotten along better than I could have hoped for. They play together without getting too rough or loud, meaning that Taehyung and I aren’t distracted from our work. They’ll eat their meals together, sleep together, and they know just the right time to snuggle up with me.

         I look back down at my laptop, placing my fingers back on the keyboard. All I need to do is respond to one more person and I can call it a night. Then I can force Taehyung to bed with me. He’s truly been my teddy bear that keeps the nightmares away.

         My focus on schoolwork doesn’t last long as my fingers leave the keyboard once more and begin to play with the buttons on my shirt. Well, it isn’t actually my shirt. Since Taehyung has moved into my room, that means that all his stuff has come with him as well. Sooyoung and I spent an afternoon making room for his clothes in my closet. I’ve never had the chance to wear my boyfriend’s clothes, so now I can’t help myself. Usually I just take a sweatshirt as it is quite cozy to be drowning in that fabric, but tonight I wanted to do something a bit different. I decided on one of his fancy button-up shirts that could almost be worn like a dress, but you can still see my underwear quite easily.

         “Come on, just a few more words,” I mumble to myself, forcing my brain to focus on this last task.

         It takes longer than I would like, but I eventually finish up my response and submit it. Tomorrow I can finally get started on my finals, which already feels like a weight off my shoulders. The steps I need to take to finish the semester are slowly becoming fewer.

         I slowly close my laptop, picking my phone up from beside me to check the time. “Damn, already after ten. Today went by a lot faster than I thought.” Another yawn leaves my mouth as I set my laptop and lap desk off to the side before climbing out of bed. Then I grab all my schoolwork items and head into my office to put everything away for the night.

         Taehyung doesn’t even turn his head in my direction when I enter. He’s so engrossed on the code flying across his screen to hear me as I put away my things. He must be getting closer to one of the three tasks he’s been working on, and he can just drown out the outside world to make sure he stays focused on what is in front of him.

         I make sure that everything is charging and in their right place before softly walking over to Taehyung.

         His fingers are flying across the keyboard. Those long fingers that I have fallen in love with. That run through my hair, or fly across my body in tickles, or wipe away the tears that run down my cheeks. Those fingers that have written so much code to protect me. Their a small piece to the larger boy that I have fallen so deep with.

         I gently run my fingers down his arm, causing him to falter in his movements, but he doesn’t stop what he is doing. “Taehyungie,” I whisper. “I know that you are doing something important, but it’s late now, and I can’t focus on schoolwork anymore, and we both need sleep. So come to bed and snuggle with me.”

         “I feel so close though,” he mumbles. Still not turning his head to look at me.

         “It will still be there in the morning. Besides, you have been at it for hours now, so you need a break. A good sleep to relax your brain. In the morning I am sure that you will be able to tackle it without issues. I also don’t like falling asleep with out you,” I push my bottom lip on in a small pout.

         “God, you are so fucking cute,” Taehyung takes a deep breath, lifting his fingers off the keyboard and stretching them out. Then he slowly turns, eyes widening as he takes me all in. This look of pure love filling his eyes as the biggest boxy smile takes over his face.

         I feel my heart swell with happiness as my finger mess with the hem of my shirt. This is the man that I love. The one who has been linked to me by fate. Here he is staring at me like I am the only girl in the world, and I feel blessed that a moment like this would happen.

         “Fuck, kitten, is that my shirt?” He smirks, wrapping his arms around my middle and pulling me towards him so he can nuzzle his face into my stomach.

         I giggle, “I’ve never seen you wear it, so I thought that I would see if it would look good on me.”

         “It looks amazing on you,” he gives me a squeeze. “If you wanted me to come relieve some stresses with you, all you had to do is ask. Dressing in my clothes, walking around so I can see your panties, being the best girlfriend ever. Fuck, the things you do to me.” He pulls his head away from my stomach.

         I look down at him to see his eyes have darkened a bit with lust. “Taehyungie, I wasn’t even thinking about that. You just have a dirty mind,” I run my fingers through his hair. “I’m not objecting if it were to go that way,” I grin.

         “You are so naughty, kitten,” Taehyung smirks, releasing me so he can push his seat away from the desk. Then he takes the step to be right in front of me, cupping my face and smashing our lips together. “I love you,” he says in bursts when he pulls away.

         “I love you too,” I do my best to respond when given the chance. My hands running up and down his chest. If I was tired a few minutes ago, that feeling has been replaced by the electricity running through me from Taehyung’s touches.

         His hands run down my sides, passing over my hips and then going around to give my ass a squeeze. He then lowers them a bit more to rest right below my butt. “Let me carry you to bed, babe,” he whispers, resting his forehead on mine so we can catch our breath.

         “I would love that,” I place my hands on his shoulders.

         “Jump, I’ll catch you,” he presses a kiss to my nose.

         I do as he commands, wrapping my legs around his waist as his hands grip my thighs to keep me steady. A giggle leaves my lips before I can think to stop it.

         “And what is so funny, kitten?” Taehyung teasingly growls. “Did you think that I would drop you?”          “No, no,” I shake my head, pressing a sloppy kiss to his lips. “I’m just in awe that this is happening, and I didn’t know how else to express it.”

         He chuckles, “That is too cute. Each day I find myself falling more in love with you. Your laugh is such a lovely sound to my ears.”

         I widely smile, pressing another kiss to his lips as words are failing me.

         “Let’s get you to bed,” he starts pressing kisses all over my face as I break into more giggles. He then exits the office, turning the light off as he goes. In the next moment, he is tossing me into the middle of our bed, and then he is hovering over me with a tender smile on his lips. “I love you, precious.”

         “I love you, Tae-Tae,” I say through heavy breaths.

         His lips go right to my neck where he nibbles and sucks as moans spill from my mouth. The marks that he is leaving makes my stomach flip with excitement.

         After what feels like an eternity, he pulls away, flopping down next to me and pulling me into his side. Both of us are breathing heavily at the fun we just had. A goofy smile is on my face as I wrap my arms around his torso. His fingers are gently running through my hair.

         “Areum, there’s something that I want to tell you,” Taehyung speaks up once we have gotten our breathing under control. “I should have told you a while ago. It would have made sense after we expressed our love for one another the first time, but I was afraid. I was afraid that you would think less of me and change your mind about how you felt.”

         “Tae, I could never,” I shake my head as best I can. “Nothing you say about yourself could make me love you any less.”

         “I know,” he sighs. “I was being stupid. Here I was telling you to always tell me what was on your mind, but couldn’t even do it myself. It wasn’t until I started to understand that we weren’t going to fall apart. That I started to picture my future with you by my side, and I knew that I had to tell you what I had been keeping from you for too long. When we were on my motorcycle speeding away from that car, and you had to put all your trust in me, I knew that I couldn’t put off telling you any longer. I knew that I could trust you with what I have been so afraid to tell you, and that you wouldn’t love me any less because of it.”

         “And what is it, Tae?”

         “My past.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Oh my, gosh! This came out a lot longer than I thought it was going to be! A lot happened in this chapter, and I hope you enjoyed! I have been looking forward to this one since I planned it out a while ago. Hopefully this one can hold you out until the end of the month when I hope to start working on the next chapter! As always, thanks for reading, and I would love to know what you thought! :D

[houkagokappa]

Sarazanmai dish 11 thoughts

I suppose it’s time for me to talk about Sarazanmai dish 11. For the last time, let me watch the episode again and give you my thoughts on it.

This got absurdly long so I’ll put it under a read more for once.

The episode starts with Tooi having followed the Chikai-otter into Dark Keppi to go outside of the circle, to the place where there’s no beginning, no ending and no connecting. The Chikai-otter tells Tooi to cut of all his connections by shooting at his past self. His gun gets a coating of Dark Keppi to make this possible.

Kazuki, Enta and Keppi rush after Tooi and enter the same world inside of Dark Keppi. Tooi has been visiting scenes from their past together, erasing himself from them. Kazuki figures out that they need to go all the way to the beginning, when Tooi gave Kazuki the miçanga four years ago because that’s when they all first connected. Kazuki finally remembered! That’s nice and oh how convenient for the plot...

Suddenly the otter appears and fills the space with liquid. Luckily Keppi farts out air bubbles and “saves” Kazuki and Enta. I think I would’ve rather drowned. I don’t know if anyone finds this funny because I don’t. At least it fits in with all the other butt stuff compared to say, Keppi blowing bubbles with his mouth, so I gotta give them that.

Keppi sends Kazuki and Enta off to save Tooi and stays behind to fight the otter. Dark Keppi was born when Keppi threw away his desire (and split his shirikodama into two in typical ikuni fashion). Now he needs to connect with him again to get rid of him. The otter wants to see Keppi engulfed by despair, although I’m not entirely sure why (simply because they’re on opposing teams?).

I already mentioned this in my PV post, but I really appreciate the Osamu Dezaki styled painted freeze frame we get of Keppi and the otter. It reminds me of how I began watching Oniisama e... this spring before I had to abandon it in favor of Sarazanmai’s second half. Now with Sarazanmai ending I can finally get back to my tragic lesbians. Ikuhara has named Dezaki as one of his inspirations and it’s fun to see such blatant references, especially when Ikuhara’s been shady about what’s inspired him before (what do you mean Utena took inspiration from The Rose of Versailles?) 

Tooi has reached Azuma Bridge four years ago. All he needs to do now is shoot his child self and then he’ll be outside the circle. As he’s walking towards his past self he’s talking about the dream he used to have of becoming a soccer player. Too bad Chikai is there to dump the cold harsh reality on him. His life turned around when their parents died and he shot a man. All Tooi had left was his brother, but he only used him. Well that’s what the Chikai-otter tells him. I want to believe that the real Chikai truly cared for Tooi. I think their moments have been some of the sweetest in the entire show, although I do realise that Chikai is a bad guy and that Tooi’s life would’ve been better without his involvement... That’s how some relationships are, especially familiar ones. 

Tooi claims that he knew about Chikai’s “use” of him and that he was okay with it. Tooi went along with everything because he believed that’s what had to be done for their survival. Then he shoots Chikai stating that this was a connection he chose for himself, meaning he can chose to end it too with his own hands. When Chikai falls to his death (again) bills blow up all around him (AGAIN). Money is what his life was about and what he died for. I think this is a really nice scene. Tooi gets to say goodbye to his brother and move on. Granted he’s about to move on outside the circle, but I still think it’s important that he got this moment because it’ll help him later on.

Kazuki and Enta make a sudden appearance and stop Tooi from shooting his past self. However the bullet scratches the miçanga and it breaks. Then Dark Keppi shows up. He was in the gun that he now uses to shoot past-Tooi which destroys the miçanga. The subs threw me off a bit here. Enta calls him an “imposter” which to me sounds like Keppi betrayed them, when he’s in fact referring to how Dark Keppi was disguised.

Kazuki’s showcasing his strong will when he refuses to let go of their connection. Him tying that miçanga again speaks to Tooi who wavers.

Next thing we know of the boys are falling down in the white space we see after a zombie has been defeated (with the rings that say “butt”). The image of the three boys falling down head first matches the one in the third teaser PV! I’ve been wondering how that fits in. It’s a lot of fun to look back at the old promotional material now when we know what happens and can spot the references. It also makes me incredibly nostalgic. The Sarazanmai twitter account posted the Tsunagaru PV’s again as a countdown for the last episode and seeing them again brought me to tears.

Back to the episode, the taiko drum of no beginnings, no endings and no connections appears in front of them and they get thrown into the circle that appears on it.

This next part is super cool when they all reflect on what they were like at the beginning of the series and how they’ve grown. They have new connections and hopes and dreams! The scene screams “last episode”. The highlight is Tooi admitting he’s grown fond of Kazuki and Enta, he even starts calling them by their first names!! (Shout-out to the anon who sent me an ask about a possible name switch over a month ago, I always think of you when this topic comes up).

The three boys connect through Sarazanmai one last time. Keppi appears looking like a superhero (with a cape and everything) and there are a bunch of ア signs in the background - just like when he first appeared!! Our last shirikodama extraction sequence consists of a simple black screen stating the action, then the three boys get spit out of Keppi at the same time. Thank you black screen for protecting us from the horrors of those shirikodama extraction visuals. They’re now back in the grey world four years ago and go to Azuma Bridge, the stage for the zombie fights.

It’s time for one last Sarazanmai no Uta. I love the insert songs so much, whenever they don’t play in an episode I end up missing them and I have to seek them out elsewhere. This version is extra cool because they all sing together. I’m so incredibly hyped! The fight is more intense and there are more random moments than usual with the otter appearing and singing about being an abstract concept (thanks for that ikuni). Keppi’s successful in capturing his desire and fusing with Dark Keppi.

THEN KEPPI’S SHELL OPEN AND REO AND MABU’S CONNECTED RINGS COME OUT AND I START SCREAMING AAAAAA!!!! ReoMabu get turned back into humans clad in their military uniforms. It’s such a sweet moment!! This is exactly the kind of content I want from a final episode. I also love the background song here, it’s a violin version of Kawausoiya and I’m sad that it’s not included in the OST album. I hope I can get it, along with this new version of Sarazanmai no Uta from somewhere.

There are some callbacks to Ikuhara’s previous anime. The gates that open up remind me of the duelling arena in Utena and the stairs look like the ones in the Crystal World in Penguindrum. It’s very cool and again, just what I want to see in the finale.

Next up the trio is successful in giving the miçanga to Kazuki from four years ago and thus they’re able to secure their connection and defeat the otter.

Keppi gets an upgrade. He’s now a humanoid character. I think he looks exactly like some of the creatures in Moomin (my home country’s pride and joy). He says to pass over the river of desire, which is another phrase that appeared in the third teaser PV (I want to make a post looking through all those PV’s again, someday).

There’s one final leak which shows the boys their future. It’s another really satisfying scene, because the boys namedrop all the episode titles when they’re talking about their wants and fears. The future isn’t all happy. Kazuki seems to get injured (like Haruka did) which hinders him from playing soccer, Tooi’s has to do time for his crimes and Enta has to see Kazuki quit soccer and leave him again. They’re still dealing with similar issues as before, not being able to communicate properly, feeling lonely etc. But while they see themselves argue in the future, a future together is something they’re aiming for nevertheless.

Sara warns us that life comes with pain (things with form will break and be lost someday). Reo and Mabu joins in and tells us that what the boys saw was a possible future for them. The CR subs are subbing their own thing here, Reo says "what they boys saw was themselves someday” and Mabu adds “that was a future someday” and “just one possibility”. While the leak obviously ties in with what happened in the past, they didn’t see anything of themselves from the past? With all sorts of crazy things going on in this episode, more accurate subs would help a lot to make more sense of everything...

Anyway, Keppi joins in as well with the same line of thought saying that the future won’t necessarily be bright. He has learned his lesson that both hope and despair is part of life and that you shouldn’t throw away either.

While all this talking is taking place Sara’s broken sara (ha!) gets turned into two crowns for Keppi and herself. Reo and Mabu put the crowns on them as the good vassals/dads they are :) I was not prepared for Sara to turn into a Moomin-creature like Keppi. She looks quite frightening to be honest. Haruka’s there, which I suppose is nice. The subs aren’t the best during this part either. I haven’t seen anyone else complain about them so I don’t know if this is just me needing to work on my comprehension skills, but I’m much happier listening to the Japanese lines or checking out Asenshi’s subs instead. 

The final message is to connect with others for a better future and to share both sadness and joy.

Stand By Me starts playing and I’m not ready. I’m not ready at all. At least the song and credits are playing over some final shots and not the regular ED. Tooi’s cutting all his hair off and my first reaction is to shout out that it’s a crime, but then it turns out it’s because he’s going to pay for his actual crimes at a juvenile detention center. Forget my love for long hair, this is amazing! Completely unexpected, but so good for him!

I find it amusing how it’s almost like Tooi’s the main character now, with how much focus there’s been on him this whole episode. He got all the best moments in it.

Tooi spends three years at juvie, which means he’s now 17 and aaah this is cool to see! He’s grown up, not only mentally but physically as well! Once he’s out he goes to checks on his family’s soba shop, but doesn’t enter it. Instead he walks around Asakusa and repeats Kazuki’s lines from the first episode (and the PV’s!). The CR subs are different which is annoying, but everyone should still be able to recognize the lines, they’re iconic. 

The Asakusa Kero TV cracks me up. Now we have an actual frog as our new mascot and not whatever Keppi and Sara were.

Although Tooi was told his life start here, he claims that it’s already over. Which tbh you can’t blame him for feeling that way. He jumps down into the Sumida River. Outwards it might look like a suicide attempt, but he’s actually at a good place in life. He’s come to terms with having lost everything and having to start again thanks to the support from Kazuki and Enta.

The ア signs appear and pierce him like they pierced Kazuki in the first episode, except the other way around (since he’s falling down and Kazuki was standing up). I’m not sure what to make of them. The ア signs represent connections (among other things). One idea I have is that these scenes represents times when their futures get changed thanks to their connections. Tooi could’ve jumped to his death, but thanks to Kazuki and Enta he chooses to stay with them in Asakusa and will live a happier life. In the first episode Kazuki’s connection to Haruka is what set everything in motion. The fact that Tooi turns around (as he’s falling) could also represent that their lives and their future changes into a better one (compared to how Kazuki’s life got worse). I’m looking forward to read what everyone else thinks or what the staff has to say about this. Multiple rewatches are also in order.

Tooi’s sinking down all gloomy when Kazuki and Enta jump in as well. They have also grown up and it feels so rewarding to see them like this. I love seeing characters through the ages. They’ve been waiting for Tooi! Once they all surface Tooi gives them the biggest smile ever and it’s perfect. Absolutely perfect. They sing Sarazanmai no Uta again, there’s a clipshow with them playing soccer and the other characters appearing looking very content with their lives.

The final episode title is “I want to connect so Sarazanmai”. How incredibly fitting.

Then the opening plays. Ikuhara, I love the opening, but you know you could’ve used this minute and a half to show us what happens to Reo, Mabu, Sara and Keppi instead. I’m very happy with their quick appearances, but I still have heaps of questions about them!! 

It’s a lot of fun to watch the OP again being able to pick up on all the references. There’s also one slight change, the final scene (with Ikuhara’s credit) is now blue instead of yellow. The three shadows are back together. Reminds me that we’ve been seeing the seagulls that also represent the three boys throughout the episode, AT the start there was just one to represent how Tooi was alone, but they’re also back together again by the end.

The final scene, because Sarazanmai just keeps hitting us with more and more scenes is of one of the river boats passing under Azuma Bridge. The three boys are sitting on it in kappa form, heading towards the future.

I think this was an amazing last episode. It was a proper last episode with tension running high, countless of amazing moments that felt very rewarding and tied up the episodes, such as the part where they name dropped them or seeing how the ending mirrors the beginning of the first episode. My only complaint is that there are still lots of questions left unanswered, but for the most part Sarazanmai has been a fairly straightforward story that’s been easy to follow along.

I hope that the last chapter of the second novel will explain what Tooi went through at the end some more and I really hope there’ll be a short chapter telling us what happens to Reo, Mabu, Sara and Keppi. It’s also unfortunate that we never found out how the Reo to Mabu manga ties in with the anime. Let’s hope the novel answers that as well.

This post has been incredibly difficult for me to write, I hope you enjoyed reading it and I congratulate you for getting through to the end. From here on out I’ll continue blogging about Sarazanmai as long as I still have things to say about it. 

[murasaki-murasame]

Thoughts on Sarazanmai Episode 11 [Finale]: “I Want To Connect, So Sarazanmai”

Do you ever just watch an anime episode that’s So Much in so many different ways that it makes you immediately want to lay down and sleep for a hundred years, but in like a good and hopeful way?

Yeah.

It’s very fitting that the final episode title is technically self-referential nonsense that in practice makes complete emotional sense and leaves everything feeling neatly tied together. It just Works [tm].

Thoughts under the cut.

Even though they were in like 5% of this episode I just wanna immediately point out that Reo and Mabu are ALIVE and IN LOVE and my SKIN IS CLEARED. It didn’t exactly happen in the way I expected, but I was hoping that they’d get revived, and here we are. The finale gave absolutely no shits about actually explaining any of the lingering mysteries about them, but I can’t fault them for it when they gave them such an unambiguously happy ending together. And in practice it perfectly fit the dreamy, surreal, intensely emotionally-driven vibe of the whole finale. Seeing their connected rings morph into them flying through the air while holding hands and the sheer power of their gay love literally paving the way for the main trio to finally connect was one of those moments where you just gotta sit back and accept that Ikuhara’s throwing at you, lmao.

Realistically I thought they might get left off on a pretty bittersweet note like a lot of Ikuhara characters, but nah, they’re just straight up back to being alive and happy and they pretty much got to attend their daughter’s magical furry wedding, lmao. They didn’t even get their memories erased like I thought might happen, so the whole confession scene from ep10 is still perfectly intact and now that the whole otter thing’s dealt with, we can probably safely assume that the two of them made up and are back to being The Ultimate Couple. It also looks like the two of them and even Sara and Keppi are still hanging out in the human world, which is kinda unexpected. I thought that even in the best case scenario they’d all just head back to the kappa kingdom, but I guess since that doesn’t really exist anymore they’re just gonna stay in the human world. Reo and Mabu seem to be working as rickshaw drivers now, which makes it even more clear that they’re probably back to being more or less regular people and being part of regular human society, and they’ve probably given up their jobs as cops, which is nice.

None of this answers the still lingering question of ‘how the fuck does the manga even fit into the timeline aaaaaaa’, but I don’t care as much about finding out the answer to that after this finale, so it’s not a big deal. I guess we’re meant to think that it happened before the anime, though. My best guess is that Sara was intentionally sent into the human world as a baby to protect her from the kappa/otter war, or something, and then Reo and Mabu raised her, she magically turned into her teenage/adult self [in an instantaneous fairy tale-y kind of way], then she went back to the kappa kingdom for a bit, and I guess she arranged things with Keppi and had them get recruited into the kappa kingdom? I still think they’re humans that got roped into this like the main trio, so I think that makes sense to me.

Even more so than with the main trio, I think that those two getting a 100% happily ever after with no caveats or drawbacks really spells out how fundamentally optimistic and hopeful this series is, and how they were one way or another victims of a harsh system that didn’t deserve the shit they went through, and so they got given a happy ending. It’d be understandable if people feel upset that they got such a happy ending after having done undeniably awful things, but I don’t mind.

And on the topic of the main trio, hoo boy they sure were the main focus of this episode, lol. And by ‘them’ I mean ‘Toi’ because let’s be honest he was basically the actual main character of the show by the end, and the finale was like 99% focused on his character development specifically. Which isn’t a bad thing. Kazuki’s whole deal had already been more or less resolved by the end of ep6, so it makes sense that the second half in general focused more on Toi.

On the flip side, Enta kinda got the short end of the stick in terms of screen-time and development, and things end in a sorta wishy-washy way in regards to his feelings for Kazuki. It makes enough sense that his whole ending was about choosing not to drown himself in fruitless delusions, even if it feels kinda lame and disappointing compared to the more climactic and intense resolutions that Kazuki and Toi got.

Though tbh a big part of why I don’t feel too negatively about how Enta’s crush on Kazuki kinda fizzled into irrelevancy is because Reo and Mabu got their happy ending that preserved all of their character development, with the obvious implication that they’re back to being in a happy and stable romantic relationship. The fact that there’s at least one happy gay couple at the end of all this makes me much more willing to forgive Enta’s story being handled a bit differently. I mean, that’s part of the whole reason why diversity in storytelling is so important. When you include multiple different gay characters/relationships in your stories, you have the freedom to do different things with them, instead of having all the narrative burdens and expectations being placed on just one character/relationship. It’s annoying when the ONLY gay character in a show ends up having to repress and move on from their feelings, but it’s fine when there are other gay characters who get to have their own happy relationships.

Anyway, I really liked how Toi’s story wrapped up here. A lot of what actually happened in the finale was full on bizarre dream logic nonsense, but the emotional undercurrent of Toi being faced with the prospect of effectively committing suicide in order to free himself from the pain of human connection once and for all, and him coming to the realization on his own terms that he doesn’t want to let go of those connections, got through perfectly clearly. They actually went a lot further with his story than I expected. Literally further, in that we had a whole timeskip epilogue detailing how after the main story ended he went to juvie for a few years and then reunited with Kazuki and Enta when he returned. I’m going to assume that he turned himself in, since there shouldn’t have been any concrete evidence tying him to any of his crimes, except for maybe him shooting Reo [though even then, Reo’s corpse immediately transformed into one of those rings so I don’t think that counts as lasting forensic evidence, lmao]. It was definitely the most brushed-over part of the finale, but it didn’t need to be focused on that much, since the more important part was him reuniting with the other two afterward.

And in terms of timeskips and whatnot, I really loved the whole potential future flashforward sequence showing a what-if scenario of the three of them becoming professional soccer players and being slowly torn apart by interpersonal drama, while the different episode title cards are re-used in this new context to show how their emotional issues and hang-ups might lead to that sort of negative outcome. It did a really nice job of illustrating how they’re willing to face the possibility of future pain in order to hold onto their connections with each other. Which is what the entire show had been building up to, really. It was all about them becoming able to face the harsh realities of being known in order to lead fulfilling lives with meaningful personal relationships.

I do kinda wish their older selves looked a bit more distinct from their base designs, though. Aside from the difference in outfits you can barely tell that they’ve grown up, lol.

I was initially planning on rewatching episode 1 after this, but honestly after what actually happened I don’t really think I’d actually get anything new out of episode 1 now. The very first scene of the show is still a bit of a mystery, even though it’s obviously based around a lot of visual imagery and cinematography from the finale, and the whole deal with the ‘A’ signs is still up for interpretation. But I don’t really think it’s super important one way or another.

I’m actually very happy that the ending didn’t involve any sort of time travel, and that that’s not what the first scene of the show was hinting at. Especially with how this finale really hammered in the importance of living with the consequences of your actions and accepting the future for what it is, it would have felt very cheap if anything got reset in the end.

I guess it’s also worth noting that, at least with the main trio, there weren’t any romantic developments, which I think was fine. With how the story had been building up to this point I think it was fairly obvious that their ending was gonna be more about friendship alone. Which might disappoint some people [and the whole topic of Enta’s unrequited crush on Kazuki is it’s own whole thing], but at the very least, Reo and Mabu got their happy romantic ending together, so I don’t feel like I’m missing out, lol.

Part of me wants to be disappointed that we didn’t really learn anything new about Sara, and that she didn’t exactly, uh, DO anything even in this final episode, but honestly I feel like that’s kinda ‘the joke’. Like, she and Keppi come across as a super tongue in cheek joke about the fairy tale concept of princes and princesses. Sorta like how the Utena movie made the ‘prince’ into a complete joke, Sara and Keppi are just there to be funny plot devices, and their big ending is that they have a big fat furry wedding and that’s that. And honestly that’s fine by me. I feel like Ikuhara’s whole artistic career has involved him becoming more and more flippant and dismissive about the concepts of princes and princesses and how much importance is placed on them in fiction, and that’s valid. It reminds me a bit of how all of the actual major characters are all queer dudes and their relationships with each other are the actually important part of the narrative, whereas straight characters like Sara and Keppi and all the different faceless kappa zombie dudes are mostly just joke characters. There’s something both deeply amusing and deeply vindicating about how this show turns the tables like that, with how it frames different types of love and relationships.

The main trio’s story ended up being not super tied into what the show has to say about sexuality in general [and overall the show is less specifically ‘about’ that than Yuri Kuma Arashi was, from what I understand], but there was definitely a whole lot of social commentary about homophobia going on with Reo and Mabu, and thankfully that part of the narrative came to a satisfying and genuinely subversive ending, with them overcoming the death imposed upon them and regaining their happy lives together. 

Now I’m hoping that Ikuhara will ‘complete the set’, so to say, and have his next anime be about trans/non-binary characters, especially after how Kazuki’s whole cross-dressing thing ended up being kinda unimportant and not about gender identity to begin with. Which is still kinda disappointing to me, but oh well.

Overall, this ending was almost aggressively happy and optimistic compared to what I was bracing myself for, so thankfully it’s left me feeling warm and fuzzy and content. All in all, it was a surprisingly straightforward story in terms of it’s central messages, in spite of it’s over the top and abstract framing, and I think it really benefited from that inherent simplicity, especially in this finale, which was so singularly focused on it’s central trio [and mostly just Toi’s perspective alone]. I was a bit worried the finale might turn into one of those things where a deeply personal conflict gets blown up and tied into literally world-ending stakes, but thankfully they didn’t go unnecessarily far with it. Even the kappa/otter war resolution barely involved the main trio themselves.

At least in hindsight, I think the anime was very tightly woven and was paced surprisingly well for it’s short episode count, and it’s hard to imagine how they could have spent much more time on the main trio, but now that we have a better idea of the timeline of the series, I really think that episode 6 should have been followed up by an episode that basically adapted the ReoMabu manga, plus parts of the twitter account, and the short chapter from the first light novel volume about how they met. That way it would have ended up with a nice round 12-episode length, and I don’t think it would have ‘spoiled the surprise’ of the later reveals and developments with Reo and Mabu. I just think it would have been really good to actually cover that in the anime itself, especially since even in the finale, the whole fact that they literally raised Sara as a baby never got addressed, so it feels like anime-only viewers are missing out on a big chunk of their story. But it’s not a huge deal.

I guess at the end of the day my feelings about the finale boil down to ‘Reo and Mabu are alive and happy and that’s literally all that matters to me’, lol.

I was really worried about how I’d be left feeling after this, but I’m happy that I’ve been following this series ever since it was first announced. This is the only time I’ve watched an Ikuhara show as it’s come out, and oh boy has it been an emotional roller-coaster. The fact that it ended in a satisfying way makes it all feel worth it, though.

I probably won’t get to it immediately since I think my brain needs time to recover from this one, but sometime soon I want to finally get around to watching Penguindrum and then Yuri Kuma Arashi. I don’t think I’ll liveblog them like I’ve been doing with Sarazanmai, though, if only since I’ve already been spoiled on bits and pieces of what happens in them, but we’ll see how it goes.

[katsukikitten]

Princess part 5

He storms from the yurt.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?"

"To see the city! Explore!" You call over your shoulder to a more than displeased King.

You walk along the streets with freshly healed legs as Bakugou reluctantly trails behind you. You're lapping up the culture as your eyes wander near and far. They spot people of many ethnic backgrounds and all wear the colors of the Badlands. Blood red, black, gold and greys. You commit them to memory as you have with all house/kingdom colors out of habit.

Sometimes kingdom colors can help you guess a person's quirk which could save your life in battle. But that's what's so difficult about the Badlands. The people are blended from other kingdoms. You notice the colors of the neighboring Mountain kingdom, that apparently Kirishima is the king of. They wear greys, blacks, and soft reds. Like that of berries.

The women are accompanied by men with what seems by choice. Their clothes vary greatly, some leave nothing to the imagination while some show nothing but their eyes, even in this glorious heat. The one thing you do notice is the children, happy, healthy. Laughing and carefree as they cause mischief. Hours are spent exploring every Avenue and alley to see all of the stunning paintings on the side of their homes. Each telling a story that you eat up like a kid does sweets. Eyes glittering in the overhead sun as you study their history through the fabric. The yurts become farther apart and the sounds of the city seem to die down as you near closer to the fringes. You can smell the ocean, feel it still and a smile forms on your lips as you see a large mural of the ocean side meadow at sunset. The same point in horizon you see now. It's odd how it's only been a few hours but this place has felt more like home than your real one ever has. You breathe in the mixture of exotic spice and sea air hungry for more despite the city having only one more mural to offer.

One that seems more legend than history. A woman has her back to the painter, with hair the same length and color as yours. She stands tall with a hand out stretched to an ash blonde male with eyes so red they could pierce you where you stand, his own hand reaches out to her. A breath separates the space between their fingers. The difference between this painting and all the others is that the King is the same size as the mysterious woman while the other paintings depict royalty as larger than life.

Bakugou watches you silently, studying you while he can. Your eyes seem to light up with delight with every painting you see, you enjoy reading the history of their travels. How they follow the stars to the perfect locations. How large dragons like Ryu used to be abundant. How he became king. He can't say he doesn't like it. How your eyes light up, how you seem generally interested in it all.

His eyes follow yours to the fresh painting, barely started before he left and somehow returned with you. He notices the signature of the artist, two grey orbs and immediately knows who's house you both stand beside. He sighs, opening his mouth to comment but the sound of your stomach growling breaks the calming quiet and before he can guide you back to his yurt, you're already heading in another direction.

He is impressed that you've memorized their movable city in such a short time.

But he will never admit it aloud.

You start for the market remembering the rich smell of bread and if you're lucky honey. It takes about twenty minutes from the outskirts to the city center at a steady pace. The market pauses once more to bow to their king and glare daggers at you before they start their song and dance of haggling again. Every stall has new offerings in their little gold boxes.

Offerings you have a feeling he will not take, you wonder if he thinks them beneath him.

You approach the first stall with bread and ask for two hand loaves. The shop keep is surprised you speak their tongue before she moves for the basket with the fresh bread.

"Two gold draki." She hisses, back to you. Oblivious that you have her King in tow.

"And how do you plan to pay dipshit?" He chuckles in your ear, waiting to see you drown.

You produce two shiny gold pieces from your pocket.

"You really shouldn't let your valuables lie around." You giggle as he grips your hip in warning.

"A Princess of thieves then?" He bites, eyes unseeing the heavily blushed shop keep who has just noticed Bakugou looming too closely to you.

"Ah your highness. I have finer loaves for you should you wish." She keeps her head down while keeping a hateful glare in your direction.

"I do wish to have them." He says grabbing the two hand loaves while slamming down fifty gold draki.

"P..please your greatness. I cannot accept this. This my offering to you."

"You will accept it if you still wish for me to take your offerings." His voice is dark as he speaks over his shoulder, the shop keeper does not touch the gold until Katsuki is almost out of sight.

"Are you always so gruff? She was almost in tears." You say earning a sharp glare as you bite into your heavenly loaf. You offer him the two pieces back to which he shakes his head.

"You might need that draki one day." He growls, "Enough sight seeing. I have a meeting to attend to."

He finishes his loaf as his strong hand pushes against the small of your back. You give him a heated glare that he ignores.

"Ah princess!" The elderly gentleman says by way of greeting, "I have more clothes for you."

His slightly gnarled hand points to the golden outlines box in it sits a beautiful blood red outfit in a hue so deep it seems black with the contrasting white fur. This time a sharp toothed necklace sits atop the white fur, neatly displayed.

"Old man." You smile fingering the sharp blood stained canines with delight , "You shouldn't have."

"She's right. You shouldn't have." Its a threat that leaves his lips instead of gratitude, "Leave the necklace. Take the outfit only."

Bakugou places a black pouch with what must be filled with hundreds of gold draki. The older gentlemen pushes the pouch back to his king. Katsuki goes to open his mouth but he holds up his blue veined hand.

"I do not accept this money as you've given our people enough. I have a job because of you, I have fine furs, teeth, scales and linens thanks to your hard work. You will kindly take my offering sire." He says it all with a bowed head nothing but respect in his wish.

Bakugou leans close with a nasty snarl,

"I told you to save *those* teeth."

"And I did."

"You will hold onto them longer and I will THINK about not paying you for your offering." He grabs the sharp toothed necklace that is adorned with black, white and pink pearls back to the older gentleman, "I am serious, Reo."

"As am I sire. But I will respect your wish. I will hold onto the necklace a bit longer. Though the fur should be hint enough." Reo speaks softly head still bowed to the king as he delicately takes the beautiful necklace from the King's rough hands.

"Are these blessed with fertility too?" A dry comment but somehow you feel the energy weaved into the clothes and you cannot help but want to wear them no matter what they are enchanted with.

"All royalty is stitched with three main things, fertility, luck, and protection. But before you comment Y/N my wife did add another to your standard list." Reo holds mischievous golden eyes with you. You cannot help but catch a devilish smirk yourself as you lean closer, curious like a cat.

"Power." Reo adds before a strongly banded arm is wrapped around you.

"I'm going to be late." A growl in your ear as he moves you away, "Thank you again, Reo."

You sink into the bed with a sigh as Bakugou keeps his eyes on you, clouded with odd emotions.

Emotions you choose to ignore as you lounge.

"Oh lunch was served?" You perk up, noticing the fine meats and breads on the low sitting table by the chairs.

"Had you let me lead you here you wouldn't have had to deal with the market today." He growls pulling another necklace of teeth over his head.

"Hmmm.." is your only response as you study him. Your eyes drink in the brash man, noticing how he is not adorned with a crown, an odd thing for a king to be missing but the teeth seem to determine your status here.

Why else would he be so sensitive about you recieving a necklace?

Most of the common folk wear silver, gold even, but few wear any sort of teeth or pearl in their jewelry.

In fact you have only noticed three people wear them.

Kirishima, who's necklace only has a single tooth, though it is long and thick. It is black with age and matches the ones he wears in his ears. It compliments his ever black scaled uniform.

Reo, who has a set of smaller white teeth on his necklace. A necklace that reminds you of a gift given from someone of high ranking.

Or maybe he too leads a double role like Kirishima but as the King's advisor and shop keeper instead of general and King of his own land

And lastly Bakugou Katsuki himself.

Though he is laced in blood soaked teeth, gold, and that damning fur.

Fur only he, and now yourself, wear. You finger it now as your eyes rove over his muscular stomach. Sculpted by the Gods and hardwork. You feel a ghost his calloused hands on your face and sigh out angrily.

Grabbing for the amber liquid greedily.

He seems to finish readying himself. Looking in the mirror with a cocky smile as if he cares about his appearance.

"I'll return in a few hours." He gives you his back as he makes his way to leave, "Do not leave my chambers."

"Like hell!" You stand, "You're taking me with you. If this is war talk you'll need me there."

He stares at you over his shoulder for moments that seem to stretch into hours.

Will he really need you there?

Or is he curious to see how you behave in court as well?

Will you provide entertainment as you did at your auction?

Or will you be a good little princess and listen.

"Fine." He snarls as he flips the canvas up, leaving you to rush along behind him.

Curiosity seems to have killed the cat.

××××××××××××××

Much like home the meeting is boring or so you feign boredom, it helps one to be forgotten.

Because nothing relaxes a man more than when he thinks a pretty face isn't listening.

Unfortunately but fortunately that works here as well.

It makes it especially easy to be forgotten when every man in the room wants to look anywhere *but* your pretty face. What with it's new accessory of thick woven thread.

Their nervousness seems to subside under the heavy gaze of crimson eyes. They drone on what they think they've heard, what they think they saw and what they thought knew. You can tell they are all bullshitting. Not one of them in contact with any sort of informant that rests the soles of their feet on your home land.

You eye Katsuki, he too seems suspicious of their answers. None of them really committing to what they've scouted.

Kirishima is seasoned in battle that much you can tell but he seems to be taking notes. Maybe be does not have a gut feeling about much.

Or maybe he simply does not know what you know about people.

"Excuse the intrusion sire." An older male, late forties says as he enters the small yurt. He drops to his knee head bowed to the King clothed in muted colors.

Colors that would go unnoticed by any common folk or hell even a Duke.

But your eyes are sharp for a reason. He stands and you see a soft glistening stitch of silver over his right breast.

You are so fixated on the stitching that you do not hear him tell of how the High King is quickly rebuilding a fleet. Of how the Prince of the fire and ice isles has just departed or of how the once quirkless Prince has made promise to return before he boarded his ship.

"It seems even a small ship has departed as well headed in..."

"You're of the Imarith kingdom no?" You interrupt before smiling a bit cruelly, "Excuse me *former* Imarith kingdom."

When the man's eyes find you it seems as if he is actually looking at you instead of seeing you as just eye candy.

No it seems as if he is staring Death in the face.

His brow begins to bead with sweat, he swallows several times and his eyes are glued to you.

"Its obvious isn't it? Your colors may be close to black but I still see the kingdom in them. And any fool knows that silver stitching indicates a dead insignia." Your cat smile widens, swirling the wine in its glass, "I seem to remember your kingdom helped fund the rebellion in the great war. Even fought in it near the end. Do you plan to do that here as well?"

His breathing becomes rapid as he stares at you, he wets his lips but when he parts them he does not speak.

Cannot speak.

"I ask only because there is not a single visual oath to the Badlands about you. Not to mention I'm wondering if your information is actually good. Father would not have allowed you to set even a toe onto a broken harbor in the High Land." Your eyes narrow, you lift your hand and the man turns to run.

In his haste he trips on the carpet, feet still flailing to get beneath him before he bolts through the canvas doors.

The room is silent and the tension becomes palpable as Katsuki stares you down. You fish your wine, smile his way before standing.

"I take that this meeting is done." You stand, stopping before the men who stood in front of the dias, "I suggest you become better informants before I make an example out of all of you. When I'm through Bakugou will never have another lazy informant again."

You smile as you the moisture from their hands, aging them twenty years before returning them to normal, letting the canvas fall behind you. As you're walking away all you can hear is the groveling of six grown men begging for forgiveness for their lack of information.

Katsuki ignores the groveling, eyes only staring after you.

"Get the fuck out of my sight." A snarl and they obey quickly. The room is filled now with only Kirishima and the King himself.

"Man. I thought that guy was gonna shit himself." Eji laughs as he crosses off all of his notes, save for the last man's words, "She's something isn't she?"

"Why did he react that way?" No soft curiosity in his tone and all bite.

Bite for being left in the dark that she was so feared.

"Forgive me. I don't think I've ever told you since the former King of the Badlands was set firm on not getting involved." Kiri bows his head before continuing.

"The Princess was more than the King's scout. She fought in many battles. Her hands are much bloodier than our own. In the last battle my kingdom was to be support to help turn the tides of the battle, we stood silently in the mountain that over looked the valley. To everyone's surprise only four people showed up. King Toben, Griffith, Ares and the Princess. We thought surely this would be an easy win, hundreds of thousands of me vs four people, easy right? Wrong. The Princess had a new trick up her sleeve and no she did not bend these people to her will. She..."

Kirishima blanches for a moment as he recalls the memory. He swallows heavily before clearing his throat.

"She made them explode. Blood misted in the air and nothing was left of them save their clothes. Not all of them but majority. And the ones that lived. Whether they were out of her range or she was out of power her brothers and Toben handled. Near the end she had to be held up by Ares, I moved my men out of there as fast as I could. It was...horrifying to say the least. I can still smell the blood. Still feel it on my skin when I think about it." Kirishima surpasses a shudder.

Bakugou's eyes narrow with heated rage as he stands. Explosions dancing along his skin as he paces. Thinking of what he had let into his bed, his bath and still asking himself why the fuck he saved you in the first place.

"Why have I not heard of this?"

"For the High King to keep his throne he must marry off any daughters he has to other kingdoms. So High King kept it under wraps. He realized quickly that men feared his daughter instead of yearning for her. He withdrew her from battle, from the war meetings, from it all. Any rumor of her helping to strategize the winning battles of the great war or her unfathomable power was silenced. Permanently." Kirishima states, "He reshaped her image to fiery but beautiful. Still the obedient little princess she needed to be."

Katsuki snorts. Obedient? You? Not even on a cold day in hell.