#I BLAME MY BF FOR MAKING JOKES ABOUT ME BEING MORE INTO THE ACTOR THAN I ACTUALLY AM

[sergeantjessi]

started watching a show just to see an actor, expected to skip every scene/episode the actor isn't in, but halfway through the first episode i realise... i'm already invested.

fUCK

[euclydya]

CHARACTER BINGO FOR THOSE MARKERPLIER CHARACTERS MAYHAPZ

YOUUUUU DIDN'T SPECIFY SO WE DID A LOT HAHSSJDHDHSHDHFH

So before we start these r all very Much biased bc plurality . we tried 2 stick to how we feel abt the source characters but uh.... ANYWAYS,

all under the cut let's go

where DO i even start. ok. he's Lirerally just a dude (... Debatable. /joke) and that makes him So Funny . New Guy Just Dropped: literally just a haunted house's Angry Humansona. He's on a mission to Kill (justified) but he's gotta do a trillion side quests first and they're all Be Gay Do Crime. Before WKM and therefore His Lore™ dropped i think all we knew abt him was what happened in ADWM which is even funnier. 3 fuckign people get trapped in a meatsuit and they're like "what's the bEst way 2 get revenge" and apparently the first step is to go seduce people about it. Gay Rights 😃👍!

Our take abt Dark is that Mark did a Damn Good Job At Accidental Plural Representation! This Man Is A Fucking System!! Litcherqlly the trauma-endo system OF ALL time thnk u fr coming 2 my Ted Talk .

woulj not want 2 meet irl on account of would also probably fucking kill us <3

HE...... THEE BUBBLEGUM BASTARD OF ALL TIME.

ok after everything in WKM literally he deserves to kill too. Man fucking lost all his friends and got blamed for one of their deaths (which . Listen to me. Not his fucking fault but we'll get into that Later,) and watched as the DA fuckin g fell to their death and then GOT UP. AND WALKED AWAY*. Like. Listen to me.

If my fuckign life went from being pretty cool to absolute hell within the span of like 2 days i too would lose my mind and then change my identity completely and be convinced that everything is a joke. I too would be pink abt it btw pink is gender as hell.

(*by this point it wasn't Exactly the DA but Dark but whatever THE POINT STILL STANDS!)

Now we would absolutely not want to meet him if he were real IRL . Shit would go fucky and we'd be dead almost immediately. no thank u HFJDJSJDN

THIS FUCKING GUY!!!!!!!!!! OK,

So The Host has like zero canon whatsoever. And. That sucks. BuT! What very very few appearances he has are very cool and he looks cool and we think he's neat. Also he should get to kill too I think almost everyone should get to kill :3c

I would not want 2 meet him bc he can narrate shit into existence and that is terrifying. God blees. <3

THIS!!!!!!!!! MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!

the man the myth the reason why dark exists the reason why wil is the way he is etc. etc. etC.!!!!!!!!

he scares me. JEHWJDJFDJJSJFDIDISI. he's a huge jackass canonically and literally planned his death like What on god. But anyways!!! From a character standpoint he's so cOOL!!!!! like hello!!! literally did all that shit bc his wife cheated on him with his bestie iirc which WHAT the fuck <3. ok <3. Divorce exists but gO off dude!

So this is where shit gets... Less abt The Canon Character and more very biased sys-wise. Cuz our Actor is the funniest fuckign guy ever I think and I don't think he realizes it. Dude fucking exploded something in the headspace once and just said "Clown for the dount" before leaving front for 1-2 months straight and that lives rent free in our head forever.

Like. We all think he's gr8 here lmao he's helped us a lot so far with day to day shit. But he's also way fucking different than source!Actor is so ?? dhajKxjfjsn.

Anyways we would not want 2 meet source!Actor bc he'd probably also try to kill us <3. tl;dr he's a WONDERFUL villain and a well written character tbh. I want to canonically see Dark rip him 2 shreds.

:D so this uhhh. So this is 10000% system bias. Uhhhhhhhh. Ummmm.

I can't explain this one except I'm gay and literally our Google fictive is my bf in-sys LMFAO -Marvin✨

wait actually i Can explain a bit hold on.

I/we think people forget tht he's like. Mainly a hater. Dude popped into existence and was almost Immediately bitter about everything. He Is A Sarcastic Jackass. He Is Not A Helpful Man. He literally wants one thing and that is to destroy mankindJFJSKSKFJFKDJ

With that being said if canon!Google existed irl anywhere near us we r running away. He Would Kill Us. JSHSJDJFMFFJJDJSJF

[crystal-moon-101]

Ben Gen 10 - Live Reaction Review

Right, so since I’ve finally got my hands on the new crossover episodes, and since my favourite show of all time is Generator Rex, I thought I’d watch it and write down things along the way. Mostly just reactions to things happening as they go, and then probably a simple review at the in another post of what I liked, didn’t like, and maybe what other ways this episode could have gone.

Spoilers! Kind of, for those who haven’t seen it yet! But onto the watching!

Should probably mention I haven’t seen a whole lot of the Reboot Ben 10. Not awful from what I’ve seen, some interesting and well-done aspect even, but certainly not my cup of tea. But I’m here for my boi Rex anyway so…

This is actually quite a cute theme song intro, not gonna lie

Ah, yes, a very American opening in a very American location.

Lol, of course they use Heatblast as the first alien in the episode, got the same voice actor as Rex, nice touch.

Evil...trees? Are these actually villains in the show?

Also, that little girl is precious.

Ben, are you trying to start a forest fire in the middle of the park?!

Ha, Gwen gets it!

Ah, yes, more American stuff.

“Don’t wreck the precious monuments” should have seen what you did to Mount Rushmore in your past, Ben.

Sup, Hex.

Music is evil, got it.

So Ben’s aliens are pretty famous already, at least being treated more like celebrities than monster sightings.

“Burn the flute!” A.K.A nearly burn Hex in the process.

And that’s why Ben never passed music class.

And why exactly do you want the world, Hex?

“Hopefully the last one of the summer” Don’t jinx it Max!

Time goes by so fast, doesn’t it Ben? Especially with aliens, villains and timetravel.

Max is secretly an EVO with that kind of growl.

Yes, because as we all know, villains will stop trying to take over the world once summer is over. They must hibernate for the winter.

Also, Max, did you steal those marshmallows?

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…….Ben, you good there?....Did Hex do something to your brain?

Who thought this would be great to animate!?

We all have those existential crises and talk to smores.

Jesus, Rex, got ninja skills I see.

Some homeless kid and his monkey stole my food? Time to kick some ass!

My favourite alien, Canonballoon.

I’ve missed my boy and his chimp.

Awwwww they’re sharing! Also just….feel so bad for them already. Homeless and struggling for food, my poor boys.

So EVOs do exist here? Wonder how that will be explained.

Ben out here really trying to beat up some other kid, lol. What a great hero.

Bobo, you are great.

I feel like...Ben’s going through some issues.

Ah yaaaaaaaaaaa, bring on the EVO powers! BFS!

Look ma, no hands!

Rex 1, Ben 0

Ben really wants to commit murder or assault here, wow.

Overboard is the word I’d use, yes.

The life of a background character.

Nanites confirmed! And now they’re in the watch, that ain’t good.

Huh...not what I thought was gonna happen.

The little girl is still precious.

This would be fun to explain to Azmuth.

This ain’t good.

On the run from Providence I see.

Awww, poor Rex. Really doesn’t want to hurt anyone.

I can’t tell if these people are angry because of the DNA affect them, or they’re really just being angry in general.

See ya, Gwen and Max.

Interesting to see that the Providence aircraft looks straight out of the show.

Evening, Six.

Still a badass like normal.

He said Omega, he said the word!

Also, nice blame game there Ben. It’s not like you provoked Rex by, ya know, trying to crush him like a grape.

Um...Six...did you just….try to kill a kid? He didn’t know Ben had powers, that pillar could have easily crushed a normal human.

“This is how you try to convince me you’re not a threat?” Say the dude who just tried to murder a kid!!”

Oh no, he Naruto runs! 

Oh, hello Hex.

Also, what is Providence in this world? What are EVOs and Nanites in this world? None of this has been explained yet.

Ok, so that’s what Providence is...You’d think we would have seen them before based on all the aliens showing up who want to destroy the world.

EVO Generator....I wonder if that means that there aren’t very many EVOs, like maybe there is only a set group from the same lab, and Rex is considered the most dangerous because he can make EVOs.

Ben, do you even know what an EVO is?

Jeez, I know Six is like, the sixth deadliest man on the planet, but he just tackles alien Ben like it’s nothing. This guy should take on Vilgax.

Did he say nib libs?

My boi’s back!

I’m not liking this Six...very much not the character I’ve come to love. Who are you and what have you done with the real Six!

Lol, gotta make sure the kids at home know these aren’t real guns!

Using a net on one kid, and about to beat the crap out of the other, nice.

I do have to ask why Hex was picked to me the main villain, beyond whatever the hell Providence is doing. Why the magic dude and not a tech based villain? Someone who could be both interested in the watch and nanites.

What a covenant spell you have there, Hex.

Again, why do you want to take over the world?

“No, those are my aliens!” I think that’s the least of your concern there, Ben.

Bobo 1, Hex 0

Why is Bobo one of the best-written character’s here? Not that I hate Bobo, but just…

Lol, Rex did you just lay there, the entire time? What was that net made out of?

Ah, right. Let’s attack the children rather the magical manic who clearly stated he wanted to rule the world.

Those nets are fireproof apparently.

Ooof, ah….quite the sore spot there, Ben.

Just let me hug Rex, please…

Are there EVOs are are there not!?

I know this is supposed to connect with older fans, but most of this info would fly over the head of anyone who hasn’t watched Generator Rex. They act like everyone knows what EVOs and nanites are.

Still with the blame game are we, Ben?

Judging by that look, Rex’s parents are also dead in this world. Guess he’s not allowed nice things in this universe either.

That flashback was….so latching in the dramatic department. 

Now ya wanna help, Ben.

He’s so scared of himself, noooo!

Ya, but the different between you and him, Ben, is that he lost his parents, his home, got mutated, his memories became hazy, got locked up and called a monster, and now lives on the streets stealing smores. I think Rex has more of a reason to feel scared at being new with the hero business.

Bobo gets it.

Gotta love they added details on Gwen and Max’s alien forms to make them stick out from the rest. Don’t want to confuse anyone lol.

Thinking of a clever comeback on the spot is hard, not gonna lie.

Yes, Ben, drown him.

Again, with the American music, lol. It ruins the fight scene here.

What is this fight scene?

Original Providence agents would have died on screen rather than ditching the fight.

God, everyone’s made Rex feel like everything is his fault, poor guy.

Rock 1, Ben 0

This message and heartfelt moment falls flat, the build-up wasn’t there and it just...kind of happens. It lacks a lot of flavour and impact, and it doesn’t help with how most of these characters are written.

Old people jokes.

Now we shift the blame to Kevin.

Is Fourarms Gwen bigger? Because if so, nice touch, since we know female Tetramands are stronger/bigger than the men.

Ok, so attempted murder is fine when Six and Ben try to do it, but not Rex, got it.

Get in line Hex, you’re not the first who wants to ‘recruit’ Rex. You’ve got Providence, Van Kleiss, Quarry, Black Knight, that one band, and so on so fourth.

Why is this heartfelt moment suddenly happening now? This feels like it could have been placed back when Rex refused to fix the watch.

Ben…”I’ve already tried that!” Bruh, you tried beating him up, telling Six and Providence you saw him, basically acted like he wasn’t a good hero because he refuses to get over his trauma, and reached out your hand once because it benefited you....I get what they’re trying to do, but it just makes Ben look like a jerk. I get he’s ten, but still…

Just...slap him Bobo, please…

Why are we so nervous about Rex’s sword? Ben you have aliens that can burn, cut, smash and so on, and you barely care what you do. Remember how you nearly started that forest fire at the start?...

Yo, what!? What kind of logic is that, Providence? “Whelp, guess earth is screwed, might as well burn it”

Ya, remember that time when EVOs infected the whole world, and Providence decided to just burn everything down with lasers? 

Extendo blade.

Huh, so Six’s blades can break down Rex’s builds.

Salamander...don’t you mean...Skalamander?

One ship? What is Providence packing!?

Yasss, Punk Busters!

Rex is crying, how dare you!

Now we got Smack Hands, you’re in for it, Hex!

Ooooooooooooooonnnnn iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttttttttt!

Ah yes, the sixth most beautiful man on the planet.

Again...what is with the nuking?

Magical cloth fixing, just what I need.

Pure chaos with my boy.

Cracking his neck made me cringe.

Also why the sudden change in heart, Six? This feels out of character for the character who is out of character.

Look, Rex, you’re either gonna fix the watch, or you’re gonna start the self destruct countdown. Everything is going to hell, so might as well take that 50/50.

And it worked!

Ah ya, about that missile.

See’s missile inbound “I can handle it!”

Iron Giant vibes around here.

Screw ruling the world, I’m gonna murder this one child!

My cat’s the same.

REX, DID YOU JUST KICK A MISSILE!?

So that’s his full name?

I think you need to work on those vacation days with your boss, Six.

You are not Six, I will never accept you.

So the episode starts with Rex being alone, homeless and being chased by Providence, and ends with him being alone, homeless and being chased by Providence. What was the improvement here? Self Confident?

Ben even just lets him go, doesn’t even offer him to stay with his family.

Rex deserves better.

Another heartfelt moment that just...falls flat…

“Always be family and be there for you, Ben” Until you go to college without telling him before hand

So!...That was the crossover. Not...amazing sadly. I didn’t have high hopes to begin with, and mostly was just happy enough to have Gen Rex be acknowledged. But this Crossover missed a lot of points, and fumbles quite a bit. It reminds me a lot of the Secret Saturdays Crossover and what was wrong there. But I’m tired and will do a break down/proper review another day, if people are keen for that. Thanks for reading this if you did, it was a rollercoster!

[everyone-has-their-story]

Season 3 episode 5 commentary with my sister:

Remember when I said I knew what was going to happen? LOL to me and my emotions

No, dude go visit your mom!

You and Zoe both need better excuses than “I’m sick”

Sidenote...I am really loving this new location

No Jens, everything is not chill thanks for asking though

Robbe you don’t need weed! You need to talk

No one cares about the broerrrs right now

Noor and him fighting are the least of his problems

Thanks for finally being interested in his life Jens

I mean yeah she wants to have sex, but not really on his list of problems 

Sex is overrated? Is that because you have toothpaste? 

Please stop talking about this with him

Jens’ advice in a nutshell: Have sex, don’t have sex, its “eh”, but c’est la vie 

Incorrect, Jens. She likes him and he likes Sander. Thanks for playing though.

Fucking hell….you’re telling the wrong person you miss them! I don’t have time for this Robbe

Yeah thanks for your shitty advice, but I’m glad you’re being a friend

Oh no no no no!! I don’t like the looks of this at all

Also, what happened to firefighter Robbe from the vlogs? All these candles are a fire hazard

Actually this whole fucking situation is a hazard

Robbe stop! Abort!

*face palms*

I want to feel bad for her but I’m too focused on feeling bad for him

That is not the face of a guy who is enjoying this (robbe takes off her bra)

Wait...did it happen or not?

His face is making me feels level of sad I didn’t know existed

Thank fucking christ that didn’t happen

Oh she is so sweet, I feel bad for her

There will be no next time

Pause it! I know I joke a lot but the fact that he even felt the need to try this is making me so fucking sad…like he tries so hard to be who he isn’t and i hate that for him. And whoever this actor is, is playing the hell out of this character. Bravo my dude….okay play *sighs*

Sweet lord we are only 7 minutes in??

Milan, I know there are weird ass windows on the door but feel free to knock

Read the room, Milan! He is in turmoil, we don’t have time for your shirts!

Yes! Talk to him..thank you!

Hahahhaha Milan you might need more than 15 minutes

You can do it, Robbe. You need to get this out

Repeat after me..”I think I’m gay”  you can do it!

Robbe, my love, that kiss suggests that you are in fact into him

Milan is me, I am Milan, we are one

Why must people always mention Noor when he is trying to open up, can we just focus on Robbe?

Milan, give me your number I am looking for a therapist

This is everything Robbe needed to hear

You are normal! You’re just a little confused and sad right now

Scratch that, you aren’t just normal you are fucking phenomenal 

When Milan speaks, we all listen

*whispers* this scene is so good

Milan for President! Our president is garbage so the job is all yours

He IS looking better! Thanks for noticing, Jens. Look at you with your 20/20 vision

LOOOOL matchmaker? I hope no one is paying you because you suck at it

HE IS GOING TO TELL HIM! YESSSSS

Hey now ,“shitty” is a bit of an exaggeration

he’s going to do it!

NOOOOO don’t say “her”!!

His face..

Oh wtf!! He was trying to talk...AGAIN! Ughhhh

Robbe needs some sunscreen

Noor is back...cool?

Hopefully you ain’t gonna be “with him” much longer

This is an odd song choice for this atmosphere

Robbe out here making confetti while having an existential crisis and Noor is ordering soup 

You looked it up? Did it happen to say “possibly gay” under the list of causes?

Time for yourself? So no Sander?

Yeah this is definitely an odd song choice

Sorry, Noor...you’re sweet but he’s gotta go

Robbe pick up your damn trash!

She will in fact NOT be enjoying that (the soup😂)

I respect him for actually ending it

Wait where are we?

He doesn’t know his own school?

AHHH! Sander!

Omg I’m fucking dumb..it’s Sander’s school...I hate me

Me and Robbe have the same smile when we see Sander

Okay now is not the time for a bathroom break Robbe

Don’t worry about your hair, you look great as always

If looks could kill..

Okay I’m rooting for you Robbe, but I don’t blame him, you fucked up

Cool...that was fun...love seeing Robbe unhappy...my fave

*gasps* he’s back!!

5 minutes? Okay you got this

He’s got a point…

Don’t we all? Get in line (Says he loves him)

You damn right you fucked up

The kiss was mind blowing for everyone, trust me

Is that a small smile I see??

Yes, one more chance, I’m down with that

Ah!! Yeah fuck it (chernobyl)

Oh sweet baby Jesus thank god!!

This whole scene is just amazing, Robbe doing this out in the open? Love that for him

Robbe ain’t letting him go nowhere

No...forget the phon--- oh hell no! Not her!

She fucking better be in the past

Yes, future! Eternity, all of it

No don’t go, stay!

The smiles! My smile! Everyone gets a smile!

Pause it! I have never seen someone so relieved and happy. I feel like he is really starting to figure himself out, you know? I just love that that scene wasn’t over the top, it was simple but amazing. Are you listening to me? (yes) I have so many thoughts right now, please hold *rewatches the scene* okay you can proceed…

Chernobyl? Is this going to become their thing instead of universes? I’m down with that

HAPPY ROBBE FOR 2 SCENES!

Secrets, secrets are no fun..unless they are Robbe’s, then back off

Sooo whatcha get?? (Zoe’s letter)

Oh no, nvm don’t wanna know anymore...make it go away

The preppy psycho is back...fucking hell

AHHH! Sander is back!

The difference between him kissing Sander and him kissing Noor is like night and day

Y’all are fucking adorable

He drew that?? Remember when I liked Even’s drawings?...Sander said nah bitch here you go

I have a wall in my room if you want to paint it there, I’m down

Feeding Robbe? Sure. Feeding Britt? He said SIKE!

Romeo and Juliet..okay I see you wtfock

PAUSE! Omgggggg was he the photographer in like the first episode??? Well fuck me, I’m still dumb.*presses play*

I know I said I wanted happy Robbe, but I feel so overwhelmed right now

His voice is so soothing

Ooop okay so they are still doing the universe thing

Robbe can’t stop touching his hair and honestly...same

You Marvel loving gays

If my bf ever said this shit to me I’d smack him, but coming from them...I love every second of it

Great, sad Sander...why can’t we have nice things

Why are they so fucking great together??

Robbe, I love this new you (straddles Sander)

We ALL fell for you, Robbe

You’re damn right he is the one...lucky bastard

He WAS there!!! I love how I connect shit like 4 episodes later

Robbe initiating every kiss makes me so happy

Forget the text! 

Did he just kiss his shoulder?

SON OF A BITCH! Can this girl go away? jfc

Jealousy level 100

Kinda sus…

He loves jealous Robbe

My dude we are ALL happy you’re in this dimension, lets send Britt to a different one shall we?

Pause it! *rewinds to watch scene again*

He disappeared into the night…

How’d he know he was awake? He got a nanny-cam in that room?

You smooth little bitch Sander

He didn’t deny the bf comment, I’m so proud

Remember when I said I was proud of you? I take that back right now..

I hate it. Stop talking Robbe.

I stand by my statement: Milan for President

Cool….that was great….I’ve always wanted an upset Milan….

Robbe just got knocked down about 5 pegs and he deserved it

Senne..not the time my friend

Wait what?? Are they on a date??

Y’all are dorks..i fucking love it

There is so much to focus on right now..

If anyone wants to know what love looks like, I got a scene to show you

Okay Sander I see you...

*singing selena gomez song* can’t keep my hands to myself...I want you all to myself*

Seeing Robbe like this after the previous scene makes me torn 

Robbe like needs to be attached to Sander huh?

This is the best scene ever and I’m aware I’ve said that for about 100 other scenes

Robbe you’re adorable and confident, i love it

OH FUCK YOU!! Why do they do this to me?!

Buy me a ticket to Belgium, I gotta have a chat with some dickheads

Forget the bikes! Just leave!

WHY?! I can’t watch…

Is it over?

*big sigh* I honestly have no words…

This is going to have one of them pull away from the other isn’t it? Don’t answer that..I know it will...

I would just like to state that Robbe the king of internalized homophobia just made out with his boyfriend out in the open for everyone to see not once but twice

...I’ll be ready to process in like 15 minutes, I’m going to get more comfort food...

[manifestoonmoralmanlove]

Help I’m being harassed by the #1 sexeist man! Review

Sorry I had this mostly finished on the backburner for awhile but Soulless grabbed my attention pretty hard.  BUT NOW THIS IS FINISHED! I hope you enjoy!

Summarize

So the story is as follows…Takato is an actor who was voted Japan’s sexiest man for a few years in a row. However his title is usurped by this dude named Junta that he’s working on a new movie with.  Takato is salty about this but is professional about it and just kinda harbors secret bitter feelings.  He is polite to and gives advice to Junta when asked.  Junta invites him out to drinks, Takato doesn’t want to but everyone within a 5 mile radius swoops in to pressure him into it so he caves.

GOD WHY IS THAT A THING? That for sure happened in Love Stage and I’m sure I’ve seen that trope elsewhere.  Where not just a 3rd party will pressure a reluctant uke but like a fucking horde of strangers with nothing to gain from it just crawl out from under the fucking floor boards like little hack-handy roaches to advance this shitty plot.

ANYWAY!

Junta gets Takato drunk, films embarrassing stuff that he threatens to blackmail him with, and a fucking horror scene of a rape ensues.  Like, not dissimilar from Junjou in the fact that the atmosphere is drawn as oppressive, the uke is riddled with very palatable fear, the seme wears crazed expressions, and behaves violently.  Hell, Takato manages to shove him off and tries to lock himself in the bathroom for his own safety but Junta rips the door off its fucking hinges. Takato PLEADS like BEGS for him not to but he is violently raped against the wall while Takato cries saying OUT LOUD that THIS IS RAPE!  Afterwards he’s crying and shaking, talking out loud about how he’s frightened if others find out and feeling humiliated.

Junta picks him up and is like, “Man I guess I got carried away, but like REAL TALK I have a crush on you. The rape was kinda bad I guess, but it’s not my fault cause I literally cannot control any of my actions. I can prove I like you by having gentle sex with you in the bed.”

Takato agrees to this.

I BEG YOUR FUCKING PARDON?!

The implication here is that Junta just looked SO SWEET! But like also it wasn’t gentle sex at all and Junta is going to continue to blackmail him. HAR HAR!

Like here is a hot fucking take authors and fans of this particular type of garbage… that kind of writing does not make this more consensual and okay.

Like if you threw a dude in a pit full of scorpions, and he is being stung by a thousand stingers and the poison is slowly and painfully shutting down all of his bodily functions and it’s all really gruesome…but then someone asks if he wants to be saved and the dude in the pit goes from screaming in agony to saying, “Actually I like it down here.”

Does that mean being pushed into that pit, and what he went through in that pit is okay? NO

What does him suddenly wanting to marry all of those 1000 scorpions mean?

IT MEANS YOU’RE A FUCKING HACK WRITER WILLFULLY CONTRIBUTING TO RAPE CULTURE FOR A QUICK BUCK YOU HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!

Like you can have your stories where a rapist is redeemed from his awful actions, but more often than not I see these fucking outrageous hairpin fucking turns in writing.  

I mean, Junta does apologize?  Which is better than some semes but honestly I’d rather him not even bother because he’s not sincere.  He apologizes all the time for the sex acts he puts Takato through but goes on to blackmail him, hurts him, abducts him, and threatens him to his face with more rape. LIKE NOT EXACTLY FEELING AS IF YOU TOTES CARE ABOUT HOW HE FEELS ABOUT ALL THIS, BOYO!

The next chapter while they’re being filmed for the show Takato throws him against the wall and hijacks the dialog to make it sound sexually threatening.  Takato IN HIS MIND ADMITS “DAMN HE’S ACTUALLY USING ENOUGH FORCE TO HURT ME!!!!”  So after this shot, Takato gives Junta some advice and makes no shit, this fucking face…                        

And that…face, (improperly attached to what I presume is a series of straws coated in plaster masquerading as a neck)  gives Junta that GOTTA RAPE NOW BONER!

So that’s what happens, he just violently drags off a kicking and screaming Takato in the middle of shooting and no one bats a fucking eye. SEEMS LEGIT!  What’s baffling to me is they don’t even draw a sex scene for this.

MY BRO, WHAT IS EVEN THE FUCKING POINT THAN OF ALL THESE RAPE SCENERIOS IF THERE AREN’T HIDEOUS MELTING FACES AND WACKY INFLATABLE TUBE MAN BODIES TO GO WITH IT!?

But afterwards Junta says the classic creepy shit, “Give up already and become mine. I have no intention of giving you to someone else.” WE KNOW THE DRILL!

Takato looks up at Junta and goes, “Yeah guess I love this dude.”

AND LIKE FOR WHAT? FOR HUH? WHAT’S GOING ON HERE!?!!??!?!?!?!?

But also, are you fucking joking here? Like I’m not into the 10 volumes of “Am I gay or not?” bullshit we get in yaoi. But, depending on the pace and characterization, there’s nothing wrong with dragging out the love being 100% mutual. Here’s it’s in chapter fucking 2.  Even Junjou went at a slower pace than that.  When I read that I couldn’t help feeling like, “WELL WHAT’S THE CONFLICT IN THE NEXT 3 AND A HALF VOLUMES GOING TO BE?”

Which, admittedly is unfair, there can be lots of relationship conflict outside of mutually expressed love…However for a rapist/tsundere dynamic? That’s usually at least 75% of the conflict.  But oh, maybe this means we’re going to get different kinds of drama!  So even while it’s not good, we’re going to get something different!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

It’s utter NOT-CONFLICT is what we end up with.  3 different chapters are, “I haven’t seen much of him, that must mean he’s bored of me. Wah! Oh it turns out he was just busy. Oh that’s good.”  PAGING FUCKING JUNJOU WITH THAT SUPER FUN, ENGAGING, AND INTERESTING CONFLICT HARDY FUCKING HAR!

Then we take a hard right into sorta worst rapist territory.  What do you mean by SORTA worst rapist Faps?

Well……

There’s a new actor Takato is working with and this new actor, and the new actor’s coding as a bad guy is about as subtle as a punch to the mouth. So new actor gets Takato drunk enough for him to pass out, gives him a hickey and ????????????

2 things happen in these situations in yaoi typically

1.)    SOMEHOW the seme MAGICS his way there beats up the worst rapist

2.)    This happens after the uke and seme have a fight. So uke realizes how mean he was for not being 100% down with all the seme’s shitty behavior cause there is a worst rapist out there. He runs crying to the seme apologizing and conflict solved.

We sorta get the 2nd here…but not in a straight-forward way.  For one there is no fight beforehand to set up any kind of relationship development.  What happens is that Takato wakes up mortified at the possibility he was raped while he was asleep.  He staggers around both in denial and utter shame.  Seme shows up and like only adds to this panic by yanking him around, forcefully washing his body, and screaming that his SLUTTY, SLUTTY FACE MANIPULATES MEN into raping him.  The seme tells him that they don’t have to have sex.  Which good, but I mean the scene is not framed as if Takato is doing this out of kindness but almost as a dare. The implication being if Takato doesn’t consent that he is the OTHER MAN’S BOY NOW and they should just break up. So there is implicit pressure there, but he does seem to initial consent.  Yet during the sex Takato internally cries about how much he hates it because his boyfriend is hate fucking him but he can’t say NO because than his boyfriend will hate him more.

LIKE FUCKING BIG YIKES MY FRIEND! IT’S SUPER UNCOMFORTABLE!

Which like, I could see a post-assault sex scene full of the emotional intensity of the anger, guilt, shame, fear all intermingling within both of them working well. (Not that post assault consensual sex is much of a thing.)  That they’re trying not to think of what Takato went through but it’s eating at both of them.  THAT COULD BE A REALLY INTENSE, WELL DONE SCENE!  However this is framed like seme ~taking back what’s his~ in a really cold, pissed-off way that’s AT BEST really insensitive to what the uke just went through and his current emotional state.  While Takato ~letting him~ cause he’s afraid his bf hates him for getting raped by someone not him.  Junta also disappears without a word, making Takato fear that YEP HIS BF DON’T WANT HIM CAUSE HE’S DAMAGED GOODS NOW!

But who has to apologize? THE UKE!

Also it turns out Takato was not raped cause worst rapist couldn’t get it up after Takato said his bf’s name in his sleep.  This is framed as better not cause of what the uke went through, but he didn’t really CHEAT so Junta can forgive him.

LIKE REALLY MY DUDE? YOU STARTED THIS OFF WRITTEN TAKATO MORE REALISTICALLY DEALING WITH THE DENIAL, DISGUST, AND SHAME OF ASSUALT AND INSTEAD JUST DEGRADED INTO THE SAME VICTIM-BLAMING HORSESHIT! GET FUCKED!

So the resolution is that the relationship is fixed and Junta threatens and blackmails the rapist. Which, I’m glad he didn’t get off scot-free but those interactions felt less like protecting the safety of Takato and more like, HE’S MY PROPERTY NO TOUCHY!

So from here we take a big turn.

Most of the 3rd volume is a big back-track to the beginning of their relationship before it was romantic or sexual.  And boy howdy it feels like a retcon for the fuck awful pace of the 1st volume.

Basically it’s about how Junta became obsessed with Takato while working on a movie cause idk he’s pretty and he accidently heard Takato say something shitty about him once. While I wouldn’t call this good the fact that they actually let this blooming of affection take place makes it the best chapters so far.

Like at the end Junta resolves himself to let his feelings be known and to start a romantic relationship with Takato.  Without the context, that felt like almost sweet? That he’s accepted his gay feelings and wants to share his life with Takato.  However if you REMEMBER THE CONEXT it means that Junta planned to drug, blackmail, and rape Takato WHICH YANNO REALLY TAKES A SHIT ON YOUR CUTE LITTLE FEATHERS BLOWING IN A BREEZE TO GO WITH HIS CUTSY MONOLOG YOU SHIT-SUCKER!

But lordy the next chapter comes along which is a retelling of this prequel from Takato perspective. The only saving grace here is that it’s not nearly as long as Junta’s.  Basically Takato realizes that Junta is OUT for him, and has a fucking frightened panic attack in his car afterwards. He’s literally shaking and monologing about how scary the situation and Junta are.  And this isn’t me even inferring words in Takato’s head, he repeats scary over and over.  Takato even decides to over book himself so he’ll have fewer chances to interact with Junta. So he does the classic ~pass-out from overwork~ thing so Junta can save him and from here we immediately transition to,

Oh now it’s modern day and they’re banging…..okay????? VOLUME ENDS

The next plot point comes down to this:

Paparazzi are OUT TO GET THEM! There is a photo leaked that isn’t really suggestive at all and Takato pretty much loses his job for it. However Takato finds out there is a much more damning picture of him and Junta, so he decides to break up with Junta, and like…just literally do whatever the paparazzi wants in order to protect Junta. But like, what’s the point of hiding it from Junta? And if this dude is going to blackmail you, what are you going to do to make sure their demands end or don’t get to the point that they’re unfeasible to continue giving in to them?

HAHA OH WELL!

Takato doesn’t even get to see the paparazzi again, his producer finds out and sexually assaults him to PROVE A POINT!

AND BOY HOWDY I’M WAY INTO THAT TROPE! LOOKING AT YOU OURAN HOST CLUB!

Cause HAHA nobody could literally want anything out of a wealthy, well-connected actor other than gay rape amirite?

Meanwhile Junta is cultivating a rumor that he’s having an affair with an actress.  Cause of fucking course Junta figured that the only reason his boyfriend (whom is often upset at how shitty he gets treated by him) is an elaborate ploy to protect him from the paparazzi.  But you know OF COURSE we see the actress and Junta flirting a bunch to stir the pot in a private setting but like…they only need to be seen on an outside date once.  This means that he’s fucking lying if he says that he only did it to SAVE BOTH OF THEM FROM THE PAPARAZZI.  He was getting a kick out of it, which I think you could argue that he was being unfaithful or in the very least being a fucking dick about it.

But, Junta goes on TV and says that he’s not having an affair with the actress or with Takato but he is moving in with Takato.

Yeah nothing dispels rumors of an intimate relationship like the announcement that they’re MOVING IN TOGETHER!  Now, as I understand it, the housing market is very different in Japan from the west and therefore it’s less of a huge TELL of an intimate relationship if two people move in together.  But even if that’s the case, saying you’re moving in with someone you’re accused of having an affair with…is not helping my friend.

However it is phrased this way, and immediately the entirety of the media believes this whole-heartedly, and the paparazzi guy (despite having a much more damning picture he hasn’t released) is like, “Wowzers he’s so smart, he has BEAT ME! I’m giving up being paparazzi.  That man CHANGED MY LIFE FOR THE BETTER! HOW COULD I EVER THANK HIM!?”  Even the fucking company that hired this paparazzi guy is like, “WELL I’M TAKING MY BUSINESS IN A NEW BETTER DIRECTION! THAT JUNTA GUY SURE, SHOWED ME!!!!”

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING!? You might as well have every criminal in Japan throw their hands up going, “WELL GOLLY! ��DID YOU SEE HOW GREAT THE ACTUAL RAPIST AND ABUSER JUNTA IS? BEST NEVER DO A BAD THING EVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

GO EAT EVERY DICK!!!!

That’s pretty much the end up to this point.  I mean, there are some odds and ends chapters here and there but they’re pretty much excuses for sex chapters. And like, even though those are pretty rapey, I kinda respect them more than when you attempts to interject some semblance of relationship drama, cause holy hell that paparazzi shit ugh.

Though if you’ll allow a side rant from me about how the story treats sexual assault. According to the author it comes in a lot of flavors and most of them are awful.

For one: if it’s a hunky guy who loves you: Rape is great.

For two: if it’s a hunky guy but you already have a rapist errr boyfriend: You’re cheating.

For three: if you’re being obnoxiously sexually harassed by your superior….BUT YOUR PRODUCER IS AN OLDER EFFEMINATE GAY MAN: It’s hilarious and harmless and helps cement your Marty-stuness.

For four: if a woman is being groomed by a superior: It’s a bad thing that should be stopped.

3 and 4 happen within the same chapter but the author is so oblivious at the hypocrisy of the framing it’s absurd.

Story

Okay so the story is a mess. The relationship progression goes way too fast for it to make sense, and negates a lot of the drama you could have had.  It’s possible that the editors wanted sex ASAP for some kinda quota, and that’s not necessarily bad. But it really burns my biscuits when people think, “Oh that means lead with rape and that they’ll be in mutual love by chapter 2.”  

Sure most tsundere stories have a bit more lead up until the uke can confess he likes the seme back but this is not the right way to break that mold. The hairpin turn makes no sense and neuters a lot of potential conflict.

It puts the comic in a pacing hole to start and the rest of the story does little to mitigate this. I think there was an attempt to rectify this by going back to the story BEFORE they were a couple.  However that was horrible botched as well.  It brings the pacing to a screeching halt with a volume of Junta being like “OH NO HE’S HOTTTTTTTTTTT” despite the time devoted they do very little to give them an actual relationship or investment in his personality. It’s all a one-sided pining boner for hideous wiggle mouth.

The content of the writing is just embarrassing too.  I can be a more forgiving in the sex-excuse side chapters.  But like there’s a side chapter when Junta is magiked into a child and for like what? So we can coo, that the author drawing a small snowman with a poorly defined face and pretending it’s a child is super adorable?

So we can excuse the shitty way Junta behaves?  Is anybody weirded out that 3 year old Junta is more thoughtful and respectful than his adult-self?  YOU CAN’T EVEN WRITE HOW CHILDREN BEHAVE YOU STUPID SIMP! UGH!!!!

But also the arc on the paparazzi just ended in a total train-wreck of awful writing no question.

Sexual politics:

They’re fucking atrocious here.

1.)    The first scene is framed as a brutal rape but 30 seconds later its fine and they’re in love.

2.)    The handling of the ~worst rapist~ trope with big buckets of victim blaming and as if Takato was ~cheating~ is horrendous.

3.)    The worst rapist is also a sex worker.  So we’re framing sex workers as bad people and sex work as a bad thing. BUT GOLLY KEEP DRAWING GRAPHIC SEX SCENCES!

4.)    The sexually predator producer of Junta being framed as harmless cause he’s effeminate is god fucking awful.  It’s also this bizarre homophobic double standard that this man (and by extension his gay brother) are a joke because they behave stereotypically gay and aren’t ashamed of being effeminate.  MEN ARE ONLY HOT IF THEY ACT LIKE PREDATORS IN A MANLY WAY, OR ARE ASHAMED OF ANY SEXUAL SUBMISSIVE OR EFFEMINATE TRAITS THEY HAVE! I LOVE WATCHING MAN ON MAN SEX BUT SO HELP ME GOD IF THEY’RE ~GAY ABOUT IT!~

5.)    They ~sorta~ take sexual harassment seriously when a female actor is being groomed. Like they joke about it but also DO SOMETHING TO STOP IT really fucking muddles what we’re supposed to think about sexual abuse at all here.

6.)    Takato’s producer sexually assaults him to ~prove a point~ that Takato is putting himself in situations where rape COULD happen.  The fuck is this horseshit! “These men could do the very bad thing of raping you. Let me demonstrate what that bad thing looks like cause I’m sure you’re UNAWARE!” THE FUCK!?  Also this sexual assault is framed more seriously than Junta’s producer because this producer is coded as MORE ATTRACTIVE and less openly QUEER! ONCE AGAIN I EXCLAIM! THE FUCK!?

7.)    Takato OPENLY describes Junta as scary and calls his acts stalking, kidnapping, bullying, blackmail, threats, and rape.  He also tries to actively avoid his boyfriend at times, yet are we not to take ANY of this seriously?  Are we not to take this seriously cause this behavior is acceptable when the one dolling it out is attractive and charming?  Are we not to take it seriously because we can’t except Takato to be honest about how he feels about any of this?  I don’t believe in given a blanket free-pass when Takato doesn’t consistently express desire in Junta’s abusive tendencies.  Like maybe you can argue some of the sex is consensual but can you argue that Takato is into the blackmail, when he never mentions he likes it? Can you argue he’s into the non-stop attention when he SOMETIMES BEGRUDINGLY admits he enjoys it?  If so does just that get a blanket pass?

JUST UGH! YOU’VE GUYS HAVE PROBABLY HEARD THIS RANT FROM ME BEFORE I FUCKING HATE TSUNDERE SEXUAL POLITICS!

 Characters

Takato

Okay so Takato. What’s this dude’s deal?  

Okay let’s start with some boring basics:  He’s a hard-working actor who strives to be professional.  He’s a perfectionist, who seems to easily and joyfully take on the role of mentor/protector. He does seem to take himself too seriously at times. He appears to subtly prod at people who have wronged him or others rather than confront them directly. He’s also shown to be a tsundere with a submissive streak.

There’s nothing bad on its face about this characterization.  However Takato is described as an intelligent professional actor, with years of experience.  Yet his handling of the paparazzi thing is pretty much he goes to shit and opens him up to more rape cause lol hot.  I could maybe understand this characterization if the paparazzi thing really hit Takato on a personal level and he made some irrational choices due to feeling as if he was being attacked or that he was going to permanently lose his job.

However he is shown as calm, as he’s making these choices and openly states that he will gladly give up a career he worked so hard for if it would save Junta’s career. Did he not, even for a second consider he could save both of them?  This is not consistent with his characterization and it exists to put Junta on a pedestal he does not deserve.

SPEAKING OF…

Junta

So…this fucking guy. Junta is a young up and coming actor with early success.  He’s shown to be an impulsive, passionate person who relies heavily on an ~angelic charm.~  He has no shame in using calculated, underhanded methods in order to achieve his goals.  He is shown as impatient, has a temper, and is openly disrespectful to his partner.

Yet the world fawns over him with praise for how attractive, charming, and ~resourceful~ he is.  He is described as having a few low wage jobs out of high school and therefore he’s an expert in EVERYTHING FOREVER!

I believe they were trying to humorously contrast Junta having a sweet, innocent angelic charm, with the reality of him being an aggressive a-hole.  However they do not frame the aggressive a-hole side of him as bad but rather as HOT.  Like I GET THAT on some level but since he’s a manipulative, abusive, rapist, it just reminds me of all the REAL LIFE INDIVIDUALS who put on a good face for the public but to their partner they’re monsters.

Art

I legit hate this fucking art. Like straight up and down, I have a hard time even reading it on a visual level.  Like the anatomy is OKAY and the backgrounds are OKAY but a lot of it is less than okay. The worst culprits are the character designs, the necks, and the expressions.  

I am so done with mediocre artists churning out, not only same-faced characters compared to their own art, but characters that are basically same-faced compared to the main-stream.  The only thing unique here is that Junta has dark hair underneath his lighter brown hair. OH GOLLY!  It’s so fucking bland and Junta’s got best seme in the Chil Chil awards and I’m so salty about that I could give the dead sea a run for its money. UGH!

The necks are super long, thin, twisty, sharp angels, and with her sad attempts at tendons it looks as if they’re constantly tense.  And in worst case scenarios they don’t look as if they’re attached to even half of the chin. Yeesh!

The expressions…fucking lord.  In the best of times, the facial spacing is just bad, with eyes and mouths off center, and ears too low.  The author has no concept of how lips/faces work so all the kisses are REAL BAD. It’s either just like…triangles smashed at each other, no lips involved, or they’re like 1 foot apart layering their tongues on each other like they’re building a fucking sandwich.

The worst of times is Takato’s sex faces.  THEY MAKE ME WANT TO VOMIT-SCREAM!

Basically he squints and his eyes get so watery it looks as if they replaced his eyeballs with just well…water.  You can’t make out pupils, irises, NOTHING!  But the mouths are the pinnacle of puke-inducing.  They’re these enormous squigglies with no rhyme or reason, just oozing saliva like a breach in a dam. At best they’re cartoonish in an unerotic way. THESE SQUIGGLES! I CAN’T STAND THEM!  YUCK!

TL;DR

Poorly drawn and written Rapist/Tsundere garbage.  While it doesn’t hit EVERY little overplayed trope, it’s still pretty cliché.  Just, it’s similar and up there with Junjou in the shitty department if you ask me.

[mainadjacent]

Sticking to the Script (p. 4)

Pairing: Gwilym Lee x Reader, one-sided Ben Hardy x Reader

Summary: You are the star of the hit TV show, “Winthrope Manor” and you’ve just got a new costar, Gwilym Lee who happens to bring around his friend, Ben Hardy, to set. You develop feelings for Ben, but they’re not well received. Lucky for you, your costar is there to help make things better.

Author’s Note: I am so sorry about how delayed this has been! I started a new job and the hours are long! Plus, I spend all day typing and looking at a computer so when I get back that not necessarily what I want to be doing. But! This is the longest chapter to date @ 3.6k!! I really did enjoy writing this too!

Tag List

Warnings: Light swearing and some (fake) injury description.

PART 1 PART 2 PART 3

PART 4

The next morning you have a biting headache. It doesn’t help that you have to be on set extra early because you’re doing special effects makeup. In this week’s episode, Violet falls off a horse and is bed-ridden with serious injuries and while no one is making you jump off of a horse, you are going to have to sit through at least an hour of fake blood, rigid collodion and harsh makeup lights.

“You look like shit and I’m not talking about the blood,” says Kevin McIntyre, the actor who plays Matthew, the middle Winthrope child, and your onscreen brother.

You laugh sourly and flash him an obscene gesture as he plops down in the chair next to yours.

“I went out drinking with Gwilym last night,” you admit.

“You know, since I’m contractually obligated to at least act like I care about you I’m going to go ahead and say I think it’s a bad idea for you to be getting romantically involved with the guy playing your love interest again seeing as it didn’t go too well last time and—”

“It’s not like that!” you interrupt so hastily that you startle Vicki, the makeup artist.

“I went with him and some of his friends. Trust me it, it was not romantic at all. It was actually kind of weird.”

“Weird how?”

You suddenly become keenly aware of the other presences around the set, all keen to hear what you have to say,  and you avoid divulging too much.

“I don’t know. Just weird.”

“Well, I think this just goes to prove that you probably steer clear of alcohol. And just men in general.”

“Great advice. Now be a good non-brother and go get me something greasy from craft, please? My head is throbbing.”

Kevin begrudgingly gets up from the chair he’s splayed across, “I’m only going because I want a donut.”

“Get me something caffeinated, too!”

Your phone gives a buzz and you dive across the vanity to get it, much to Vicki’s chagrin.

Hey! I forgot to tell you, Gwil home last night! Thanks for the help!

It’s from Joe. Last night, he had appeared just as Gwil had so oddly decided to leave.

“What’s wrong?” he had asked, clearly as confused as you were.

“I don’t know, one minute we were talking, the next he just decided to leave. I think he might have had a bit too much to drink. I don’t know.”

Joe gave you a look that could pass for almost pity.

“I’ll go after him,” he turned into the throng of people.

“Wait! You have to let me know if you get him home okay!”

“Right, fine. Here,” he handed you a sleek, black phone, “Give me your number and I’ll text you.”

You smile at Joe graciously as you hand back his phone.

“Oh, and can you let Lucy and Rami know what happened?” You nod. “It was nice meeting you! Get home safe!”

Hey Joe! Thanks for the help last night. Pretty sure I would’ve gotten in major trouble if I lost my costar. You’re a lifesaver! :)

_____

Vicki finally finishes with your face and you thank her profusely as you admire her work in the vanity mirror. She really had done an amazing job. There’s a gnarly gash running across your right temple, your eyelid a deep purple color and bruises doting your left cheekbone. Your lip has a deep, bloody split running down the middle of it.

“I thought Vicki was supposed to make you look worse, not better,” jokes Kevin as he presents you with a breakfast sandwich and a tall cup of iced coffee.

“Very funny,” you flip him off before lunging at your coffee.

“Hey, by the way, have you seen if Gwil’s here yet, I want to make sure he’s alright,” you say casually as you tear a piece off of your sandwich.

“Gwil’s not on the call list today. He’s probably not shooting your guys’ scene until tomorrow.”

By the way that he’s eying you up you can tell that Kevin is waiting to see how you respond to this information and this somehow makes you feel like you’re hiding something.

“Huh, I must have gotten my days confused,” you say innocently.

You can tell that Kevin’s not buying whatever it is you’re trying to sell.

“Listen, I know you said it wasn’t like that, but anyone with eyes can tell that you and Gwil have some sort of chemistry thing going on. Every time you two shoot scenes together it’s like you guys are holding back from ripping each other’s clothes off and there’s a running bet for when you two are going to get together. So, why don’t you just stop pretending that you’re not into him?”

This all hits you like a ton of bricks. “First of all, Kevin, have you ever considered that maybe we’re just really great actors that are really committed to our roles? Also, up until last week, Ben and I clearly had something going on so there’s that. And, didn’t you just tell me to avoid guys all together? Now you’re telling me to admit my so-called feelings for Gwil, what’s up with that?”

“Okay, listen,” Kevin says calmly, as he sips his own iced coffee, “I can’t speak for Gwil but I’ve been acting with you for over a year and I know, for a fact, you’re not that good of an actor, okay? There’s definitely something going on there. Secondly, who the hell is Ben? That X-Men pretty boy? No offense, but he hasn’t been around the set for ages and based on what you just said, he doesn’t seem super interested either. And also, I know I told you to avoid men altogether, but I just joined the betting pool and if you get together with Gwil by next Tuesday, I win $1,500,” this last part he says in a rush.  

You’re pretty sure if you lunge at your costar, you’ll ruin your makeup and at the risk of pissing off Vicki, you settle to just glare at him. Before you can even retort, though, he is called to set and leaves you there, seething.

Is there any truth to what Kevin said, you ask yourself. What he said about Ben was harsh, to say the least, but was he wrong? Last night proved that Ben wasn’t just ignoring you, he was straight up avoiding you. Kevin was right, you might as well just let that go. You have plenty of experience giving yourself to others for little in return, it gets old.

Gwil was a more complicated topic for you. The two of you were clearly friends, and you are fond of him. The complicated part of falling in love with someone on screen, you realize, is that some of that have a tendency to transfer into your off-screen relationship. Maybe it wasn’t that way for everybody, but you feel things deeply. That’s what makes you a good actor, but sometimes it can get in the way.  

Before you can delve further into your feelings (yuck), you’re called onto set.

_____

You spend the rest of the day on set. The episode is very Violet-centric on account of her accident. The show is really trying to push the fear that Violet may not survive, so there’s a lot of tears and tense moments. On the bright side, you spend the entire shoot in bed and without a corset and half the time you just have to lay there while the other characters talk.  

You are distracted though, and you can feel the rest of the cast’s frustration as they call for yet another take after you forget one of your few lines. You don’t even blame them for being mad at you. You’re also angry at yourself because every time the soundstage door opens, your eyes flash to it, half expecting Gwil to burst through it even though you know he’s not here today. You have no other choice than to throw yourself into your performance, though, because you’re pretty sure that if you don’t stop ruining takes they’ll reconsider not killing your character off.  

The day of filming drags on into the night and by the time you’re on your way home, it’s well past 11. You check your phone, half-hoping for a text from Gwil—the irony that only a week ago you were agonizing over a text from Ben and now you’re in the same position but with Gwil isn’t lost on you—but there’s no message from him.

The next day, you roll back onto set early again. The weight of two sleepless nights slogs you down but you are slightly comforted in the fact that Gwil will be here today and you finally get to talk to him about the other night.

Except you don’t. He’s not on the call list and your scene together has been pushed back yet another day. You try not to show how disappointed you are.

Apparently, though, you are more transparent than you think because, while checking Instagram during lunch you notice that Kevin tagged you in a picture on his story. It’s a candid of you sitting in the makeup chair that morning morosely looking at your phone, you obviously were unaware that the picture was being taken. Underneath your head, in large white print, it said, “Someone’s grumpy bc her bf is gone” along with a bunch of crying stickers surrounding you. You can already imagine the call you’re going to get from your publicist about “professionalism” and “relationships in the public eye” and “Didn’t you already try dating a costar? How did that go, again?”.

You want to scream and hide away in your trailer and maybe even call Gwil for some reason but instead you settle for giving Kevin a good smack upside the head.

If you were a bit peeved and distracted before, you were flat-out irritated now, which made the day drag on longer and longer (if that was even possible). You could say with certainty that all you wanted to do was go home and burrow into bed possibly forever, but you soldiered on. Eventually, the night closes out and you go home again. You must have been in a melancholy mood, though, because as you walk through the parking lot to your car, all you can think about was the night of your first scene with Gwil and how he had awkwardly walked you to your car.

You can’t seem to stop thinking about him ever since your night out.  At first, you would just think circles around what had happened that night, after all, it had been confusing, with him just getting up and leaving, giving no explanation. You would catch yourself playing over every last minute of that night, pinning it out like a displayed butterfly, trying to catch what huge, gaping detail you had missed that night.

However, you had recently caught your thoughts straying from that night with Gwil, to just Gwil. You would catch yourself at any given moment, any spare second, thinking about Gwil: what he was doing or whether or not he would like what the PAs brought in for lunch or if he would also find that part of the script funny. When you read something interesting or see something ridiculous you instinctually want to show him. In short, he does not cross your mind anymore, he lives in it.

You wish it would stop.

___________

The object of your distraction is on set the next day and you wanted nothing more than to finally confront him about his behavior, so you could finally be rid of your plaguing thoughts. You haven’t seen him yet, but the first thing you do when you get to set at 6 AM is check the call sheet and his name is right there underneath the day’s date.

Gwilym Lee.

You can feel your increasing jitteriness as your morning makeup transformation is underway.

“Can you stay still, sweetie?” Vicki asks after the umpteenth time you accidentally nudged her hand out of place with your twitching.

“Sorry, Vicki must have drunk too much coffee this morning. At least it’s our last day of this, right?”

“Right,” Vicki says piercingly, and you don’t know who’s more relieved that Violet’s injury scenes are done, you or her.

Eventually, you are steward onto set, looking as gory and beaten as the first day. You get there a bit early in hopes that Gwil would be there already. He has a very British habit of being early to things, but he hasn’t shown up yet and you can only stand around petulantly for so long before the director calls for you to be in your spot.

Finally, just about the director is about to call action, Gwil fumbles onto set, a costumer trailing behind him, seemingly making last minute adjustments. He mumbles apologies to the crew before getting into place. You try to meet his eye, but he purposefully avoids looking in your direction. You want to bounce up on Violet’s stiff bed and yell at him in front of everyone here.

Hey! I’m right here and you owe me an explanation! You owe me something! Anything!

He moves to the side of the soundstage; he’s not supposed to enter until mid-scene. Edmund finds out about Violet’s accident and travels all the way to her home to visit her. At this point, Violet is more or less unresponsive and Edmund, in a private moment of vulnerability, declares how much he cares for Violet. Violet, however, is unconscious and cannot hear him. The whole scene is frustrating, in your opinion and you can’t help but feel sorry for Edmund and for Violet, too. You think how unfair it is for her, to have someone declare their feelings for her and her not be cognizant enough to even realize it. It’s almost tragic.

For the most part, your role in these upcoming scenes is pretty simple: all you have to do is lay there, looking injured and close to death. The position gives you the freedom to allow your mind to wander. You pointedly avoid thinking about Gwil, though and instead focus on keeping your mind at peace. You think about what you want for lunch; about your plans for the weekend; about whether or not you’ve called your mom recently. You drown your mind in mundane thoughts to keep your nerves at bay. You’re finally coming face to face with Gwil and for some reason, the weight of this moment feels momentous.  So, you try to think of anything but. That only works for so long though, you realize as you hear them cue for Gwil to enter the scene.

He’s at your—Violet’s—bedside in three long strides and you can’t help but feel your heart jolt at the reality of him being so close to you after having only housed him in your mind for what seemed an eternity. You’re caught by surprise as his hand reaches gently for yours. He holds your small hand in his two broad ones delicately, desperately.

“Violet,” he says softly, like a prayer and you can’t help but wonder what it would feel like to have him say your real name like that. Your heart shifts as you attempt to remind yourself that none of this is real and you and Gwil don’t actually have feelings for each other.

“I am so sorry,” he says with the same quiet fervor. You are struck by how exposed he sounds, and it strikes you, that maybe he’s talking to you, not Violet.

He splays his fingers over your and you’re infected with the memory of him guiding you through the city streets, fingers interlaced with your own.

“Please make it through, your family needs you, your company needs you… I need you.”  

In your experience, having to act unconscious while other actors act is difficult, but this was almost unbearable. Gwil was heartbreakingly convincing and you wanted to reach out, squeeze his hand, do something.

You hold back and instead you focus on maintaining an unchanged expression. Even when the director calls for a cut and then a retake you are tentative to open your eyes. You can feel Gwil lingering next to you before getting back on his mark to shoot again. Only a few moments ago, you wanted to open your eyes, to see him but now, faced with the realities of that, you cowered. So, you keep your eyes closed.

You film the scene three more times, and each one of those times, you wait until Gwil is a distance away before coming alive to take criticism and direction. Part of you feared that if you did look at each other or spoke, your resolve would break and you wouldn’t be able to focus on the scene.

Eventually, your director is happy enough with your performance to let you go.  When Vicki pulls you off the soundstage to remove your faux injuries, you are hit with the realization that you have no more scenes to film, which, considering your last two long night, makes you want to cry. You also realize that Gwil has also been released—you finally have a moment to talk to him. The only thing standing in your way is Vicki and her ridiculously long makeup removal process—all sorts of cleaning and scrubbing and steaming. Since it's your last day with the makeup, she makes the process even longer, spouting off all the harm rigid collodion could do to your skin. You try to hurry the process up as much as possible, you don’t want to miss Gwil. After what seems like forever, Vicki sets you free, but not before slathering your face in a heavy, green facemask.

“Make sure to rinse it off when you get home,” she directs harshly.

At this point, you are certain Gwil is gone, and it’s for the better you think, lest he saw you green-faced.

You walk to your care slowly, the weight of the day dragging behind you. Maybe you’ll talk to him tomorrow.

You’re so caught up in your thoughts, you don’t register the long spindly frame leaning against your car. It’s Gwil.

“What’s on your face?”

You blush, “Facemask, for all the gunk. What are you doing here?”

“Waiting for you, although I was about ready to give up, to be honest.”

You laugh, “I don’t blame you, Vicki can be brutal.”

The two of you stand in front of your car silently, both pointedly looking away.

“So, I want—”

“Listen I was—”

You both say at the same time and you exchange awkward looks before you insist that he speak first.”

I wanted to apologize,” he begins, “for how I behaved that night at the bar. I don’t know what came over me. I must have drunk too much, I suppose.”

You look at him for a long moment. “That’s it?”

“Yes… I suppose so,” he obviously was not expecting this question, “Have I mentioned how sorry I was?”

“That’s all you have to say? No further explanation?” You realize that you have been waiting to have this conversation for days, and Gwil’s dry and vague apology falls short of how you imagined this conversation would go.

“Not at the moment. I am sorry though, I haven’t stopped thinking about how I acted. I’ve been ruminating over it actually these last few days, almost obsessing. But I don’t know what else to say.”

“You don’t have to lie to me,” you remind him. You know that there’s more to that night than he lets on.

“I know,” he says, suddenly meek, and then, “If you don’t want to forgive me, I understand. Although, I will say that I was ready to offer some quality ice cream from the creamery down the street if all of this just went away.”

You laugh, unguarded after what feels like forever, “Ice cream you say?”

“Yes, the good stuff, too! But I don’t know if you’d want to go anywhere with… that.” He gestures to your green, goopy face.

You swat his hand playfully.

“No, I can’t, I have to rinse it off soon anyway.”

Then, you are struck by an idea, “Maybe we can take the ice cream to my place?”

The words are out of your mouth before you have time to think about them. Yikes. You just invited Gwil to your place, in the evening, with ice cream. There could be a lot of subtexts there, especially considering your weird, unresolved stance with one another. Before you can interject with some sort of excuse or negation though, he responds.

“I would love that.”

PART 5

TAGS: @xbarrjallenx @alexfayer @chlobo6 @softbenhardy

[kit-kat-draws2798-blog]

Finally got around to updating him~

He's one of my favorites, not gonna lie-

Anyways, I hope you guys like him ^^

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

~BASIC INFO~

Full Name: Raiden Labs

Meaning of name: Thunder and Lighting

Nickname(s): Tba

Gender: Male

Age: 24 years old

Date of Birth: 9/29/??

Race/Species: Half human, Half cat

Native language: English

Languages spoken: English, he doesn’t have time to learn another language

Orientation/Sexual Preference: Bisexual

Zodiac Sign: Libra

Religion: N/A

Occupation: College student and a medical assistant at a nearby hospital. Has a couple misc jobs as well.

Are They Dead: Nah. All hell would break lose if he died.

~MEDICAL INFO~

Blood type: O

Mental Disorder: None, but mental state is a bit questionable

Will develop Psychosis later on.

Fears(s):

Losing his brother

Failure

Losing control/ his sanity

Being alone

People finding out what he has done

His parents

Water- to a certain extent.

Etc

Allergies: N/A

Habits:

Paces when anxious

Gets violent when angered

Compulsive liar

Acts calm even when he really shouldn’t

Bottles up emotions until he cannot anymore

Cleans a lot: somewhat of a neat freak

Tends to lock up most of the rooms in his house. This is mostly to keep Simon away from things he doesn’t need to touch.

If given the chance, he sleeps. He really doesn’t care where he is, he will sleep if he’s tired. However, it’s really hard to wake him once he’s unconscious. You'd have to hit him pretty hard to wake him up lol.

Skills:

Is decently built, so he’s pretty strong. Can carry people around his size.

Can act to avoid suspicion. Aka: Charismatic

Has experience with medical supplies/Chemicals. Pretty much almost has his medical license.

~APPEARANCE~

Height: 6’1

Weight: 172 lbs

Hair color: Snow white

Eye color: Purple

Skin: Pale af with freckles sprinkled on his face

Clothing/Style: Look at ref

Jewelry/Accessories: A collar with jewels embedded in it.

Scent: Cologne

~PERSONALITY~

Overall: Raiden is outgoing and very out there. He’s loud, warm, and overall just nice to be around. Although he can be a bit suggestive/flirty, which he gets a bit of crap for. However, he doesn’t go so far that he begins to become creepy. Raiden can also be really calm in nature; which can be unnerving at times due to how unnatural it seems. He is also compassionate and kind, usually to his friends and family. When he is angry, however, he gets very emotional and violent. He usually takes out his frustrations out on objects but he will hurt people too depending on the situation. After he’s done being pissy, however, he will not speak and will only look at someone if they’re trying to talk to him. Raiden at times can also go into these depressive states. This is because of the amount of guilt he holds and often blames himself for not preventing any of this. He also tends to hide things at times, when he feels like it is necessary for only him to know something. He also owns up on things he believes is his fault.

How he acts around strangers: Raiden is polite and warm to new people. Although it really depends on the age on how exactly he’ll act. With older adults, he is more reserved and a little timid for a while but eventually opens up a little. But with people around his age, he tends to be more outgoing and treats said person like they are friends. (Whether it’s a good or bad thing lmao)

How he acts around friends: Raiden is very energetic and bubbly. He treats them like family and is generally very open. He is also pretty affectionate, giving hugs to his really close friends all the time.

How he acts around Simon: Acts like the typical older sibling; teases, jokes around with, and overall has a good time with him. However, he can be kinda stern and scolds him occasionally like a parent would. But most of the time he’s lenient and will only tell him off if it’s particularly bad.

How he acts around Asher: Raiden is very gentle and loving with Asher. He’s hyper aware of his feelings and his body language. Raiden also tries to make sure he’s happy and is even more affectionate to Ash than to anyone else really. Raiden tries his hardest to be a good bf ;;v;;  

How he acts (or acted) around his parents: Very withdrawn, gave them empty looks, and overly cautious when they were in the room. Was also very hostile

Likes: Being around people he likes, music, fresh air, feeling loved, video games, peace and quiet, Warm things, large blankets, Confidence, Knowing outcomes of situations, various types of tea, sweets, sour foods, light rain, etc.

Dislikes: His parents, being alone for too long, spicy foods, the unknown, blood and guts EVERYWHERE, cold weather, etc

Hobbies:

Reading

Playing video games

Sometimes cooks for his own enjoyment. But it’s more for necessity rather than fun.

Does various dangerous activities for fun. Like breaking into places, trespassing, stealing, etc

Random af cosplay (When he can afford it)

Most Prized Possession: Key ring

Flaws:

Bold

Reckless

Can be overemotional

Overly calm

A bit perverted/flirty

Aggressive and violent when angered

Shuts down sometimes. He doesn’t say/do anything when he does this

Battles emotions

Pet Peeve: When people being rude to his bro. He also doesn't like when people break promises. Especially when he's close with said person.

Crush/Greatest Love: Asher <3 fav.me/daztezt

Love Song: Stay Stay Stay By Taylor Swift

Theme Song: Castle of Glass By Linkin Park

Battle Song: It's Not Over Yet - myuu

~FAMILY~

~(Mother/Father/Sibling/Grandparents/etc)~

Name: Sophia Labs (Mother, deceased)

Age: 36 at death, would be 49 if she was still alive.

Gender: Female

Hair Color: Light brown

Eyes Color: Blue

_ View On Him/Her: Raiden despises her. She was abusive to him and his brother, and he's ecstatic to know that she’s gone. However she was nice once, and he low key hoped for her to go back to that state. That never happened before she died.

Name: Jacob Labs (Father, deceased)

Age: 37 at death, would be 50 if he was still alive.

Gender: Male

Hair Color: Black

Eyes Color: Grey

_ View On Him/Her: Doesn’t hate him as much as his mother, but still doesn’t like him. He was always gone (often with other women), so he didn’t form that great of a bond with him. Besides, when his father was around, he was overly strict and somewhat abusive. Raiden also didn’t really like how he never tried stopping their mom from hitting or yelling at them.  

Name: Simon Labs (Younger brother, Alive) fav.me/dax2zlo

Age: 18

Gender: Male

Hair Color: Black

Eyes Color: Blue

_ View On Him/Her: Loves and cares for him, almost to the point he cares for Simon more than himself. Even after all the things he’s done, he still doesn’t want to lose him. After all, he’s his only surviving family. In a way, Simon is kinda like his son since he’s actually the one who took care of him the most. His mother and father didn’t really bother paying much attention to Simon. This only made their bond even stronger. They often can just communicate with just gestures or noises.

(Lover)

Name: Asher

Age: 23

Gender: Male

Hair Color: Copper

Eyes Color: Blue

_ View On Him/Her: Raiden has a great attachment to Asher. They were friends for a long time before they got together and they are close. Raiden is comfortable with telling him almost anything and loves spending time with him. Ash fills in the empty gaps that Raiden had before. Raiden would be absolutely devastated if he lost him.

Though it’s kinda funny that even as headstrong and forward as Raiden is, he was initially really scared to even mention his feelings to him and kept it to himself for a long while. For about a couple years or so.

Pet(s): N/A

Notes:

Carries a huge key ring with a bunch of locks around with him at all times. Doesn’t let anyone touch them.

When angry his eyes turn to slits and his tail poofs up.

Prefers not to hurt people if he can help it. He only does it out of necessity (Like self-defense) or if said person made him uncontrollably mad.

Has extremely high pain tolerance. I mean, he’s been shot before and he took it unnaturally well.

When he was younger, he would often defend his brother at home, causing him to take the brunt of the beatings.

Can be very secretive, even with Simon sometimes. He very much dislikes worrying people around him.

He is albino. He kind of wishes that he wasn’t, due to the teasing and that he is physically not able to dye his hair. He’ll always stick out.

Despite all that has happened, he still somehow maintains a social life.

Often sings this song when he needs to calm himself or someone else: www.youtube.com/watch?v=u41DQn…

Mainly became a doctor to make sure Simon and the other ones around him don’t die. If he wasn’t in such a bad place, he would’ve become an actor.

He can’t really swim due to no one really teaching him properly. *coughs* His father threw him into a nearby lake until he got too frustrated with him *cough*

Some people kind of think of him of a “cool dad” lmao

Really enjoys upbeat music. EX: Pop, electronica, electro swing, etc

Art and character belong to me!

Asher and Simon Belong to

KoKo-The-Rabbit

[biggameleroy]

Chocolate Chip

The first time I ever heard of the phrase chip on my shoulder I was young, too young so I assumed that it meant chocolate chips. How sweet to have a chip on your shoulder. A nice little snack for later I thought. Fast forward to now I clearly understand the point of the phrase/expression. Too much. I live it now. It's my burden to bear. It causes me great discomfort and great pain. But it has also become my greatest strength. . . . Have you ever felt different? That maybe you're destined for more? Of course you have. We all have. A lot of us young ones still do. Not out of arrogance or entitlement but just because we almost naively and childlikely believe everyone has their special place in life waiting for them. Some wish to be doctors or world leaders or lawyers. Some aspire to take something they love to do, hone that craft and perfect and create and perform said craft at the highest possible level, on the grandest stages on the planet (sports, theatre, literature, art, professional wrestling). Some wish to own their own land or property. To get something they've wanted after years of work and aspiring (farm, dream house, dream car). Some wish to find lifelong and meaningful connections (friendships, relationships, family,). Some just want go from poverty to wealth (started from the bottom, now we here?). But what happens when the world tells you no. You can't have that. Your not good enough and you never will be. Because you're you. And you don't deserve that. It's human nature for that to hurt. Always. It's the same effect when you tell a kid Santa isn't real or that eventually their parents and everyone they love will eventually die. It very literally is a dream crusher. It's the cruelest form of pain you can inflict on another. And in this corporate society we're taught to minimize our expectations. Yeah maybe don't shoot for the stars. But hey if you shoot for that 2 story building there's no way you won't get it. We're taught that subtlety by our own flesh and blood, our teachers, our peers, by television, heck even art in general sends that message. Thankfully some reject this notion. They push on to their goals and aspirations undeterred. They do what others say they can't do and shrug as if there wasn't a whole society working against them. Sometimes said people are guilty of settling. But how can you blame them. A nice 401K? A 9-5 you don't hate? A nuclear family that you love? What's not to like? And there's always lots of love and joy to be experienced from this. Maybe they'll get to the stars. But if they don't. They'll find a nice tall building to live their life in and be happy with it. But if you have a chip on your shoulder like me.... Then this life of love and joy is very difficult to maintain. . . . . . A chip on your shoulder in the simplest description means you have a lot to prove in an aggressive and passionate way. You wanting to accomplish feats doesn't always come from the joy of setting a goal and achieving it. It comes from proving the system wrong. It comes from flipping the bird to everyone and anyone who bet against you(heck even to anyone who didn't support your hustle from day one. How dare they! LOL). It comes from your heart and soul and it's an almost primal desire to prove your worth to the world. To some(let's be real to all) it'll come off as pushy and intense. Bitter. Angry. Especially depending on the person and how their chip has manifested over time and experiences it can be more angrier and bitter than others. In some cases however, some people's chips can be rather positive and motivational. You've heard the cases. People who were handed nothing and made it in a world that seemed to throw obstacle after obstacle. And now that they've overcome they can now truly live and be happy and they've earned it. Probably more so than any of us (yes even more so than me and you). Those people aren't necessarily angry and bitter about it either during the come up. They smile through their pain. Crack jokes about it. Then they say what they're going to achieve and just go again even harder. They're the kinda people who don't sleep. The kinda people who are always busy when they don't need to be. The kinda people who are always tired and yet still do things. The kinda people who are "burning the candle on both ends". That's what having a chip on your shoulder means to me. I've always thought that the most successful AND hard working individuals had their own chips on their shoulders. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is one of the most highest paid actors in Hollywood and is easily one of the most followed and has an insane amount of sponsorships and is set for life. He is always on the road flying to different locations for different movies on a crazy schedule that leaves little time to himself. Sounds like any rich dude huh? Well when he gets his free time (which is typically when he should be sleeping) he's in the gym. Working out. He used to be a legitimate Professional Wrestler and he looks in the best shape of his life still as his body is slowing down. He's doing this not for his roles (he could have had a regular bod and still been Hollywood great) he's doing this for himself. Because he's still hungry. He still has something to prove. He has a chip on his shoulder. And despite all the success he's had. It's still not enough. Maybe he needs to change the world. Be an example, an inspiration. He has an app challenging people to wake up at 4am like him and "seize the day and kick it's ass" as he would say. But I believe it's for him. Because when he looks in the mirror, he still sees the broke as s#&t reject football player who contemplated what was next in life for himself. Who battled depression and contemplated suicide. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm projecting. But food for thought amiright? . . . . My chip comes from being a nerd. A loser. Weird. Different. Geeky. Odd. Goofy. Corny. Spazy. Forever Virgin. Socially awkward. A faggot. Stupid. You name it. At one point I was it apparently. (not gay tho apparently people thought that?) And honestly I always thought I was the star of my own cartoon growing up. The Superhero of my comic book. The main character of my sitcom. The lead actor in my full feature cinema. The champion of champions. And for some reason. The world crushed that. Or tried too. It told me I didn't deserve to think or feel this way. That I was wrong. That I was a reject. That I was far from the star. That I was a background character. That I would never make the cut. On rough days, I believed it. That's what this world can do to you sometimes. I'm a tough kid now. But I had to be. Or else I would have been broken long ago. The final straw was when I was 14. A girl I was speaking to for months. Nonstop. I fell in love with her but didn't have the self love or experience to tell her so. So I became her best friend. The most important person in her life. And I fooled myself into thinking that made us destined to be together. That I didn't need to work at this point. It was in the bag. It would just happen. That's the first instance I learned nobody gives a s@#t about what you've earned and what you deserve. Especially when it comes to romance and love. Especially at this age and this stage. If so we'd be getting married at a much younger age and staying married and making it work so much better. We don't know what a good thing is until it's gone. She ended up finding a bf. I got emotional and left her life for a bit. Never did got my chance to tell her how I felt then. She knew of course. But how much different would things have been for us if I told her. What I do know is that I got pissed off. I'm not an angry person. Or at least I don't think I am. But I was mad. At myself and at the world. I screamed that I only wanted that one thing. That one girl. I put in the work. I gave her my all. And that's when the chip manifested. It was inside of a while and then it took that to break it. It was after that, I saw a wrestler, who was also pissed off and bitter, who also had a chip on his shoulder, yell and scream to everyone angrily that he deserved more and that he deserved so because he was the best in the world. And then he proved it. In his hometown and in the biggest match up of his life. It was a night that changed wrestling. That resonated with me. That whole summer did. I thought to myself if I become the best in the world there's no way I can't be happy. There's no way I can't achieve the things I want. That's when I told myself I wanted to be the best wrestler on the planet. At 14 years old. My chip had manifested and taken on a life of its own. It became me. I always wanted to be a wrestler but I was afraid to say it (the world can be cruel) but now I would accept it and scream it to the world. So they could know from day one, I was always this way. This chip made certain things difficult at first. Any time obstacles were put in my way it would piss me off. Anytime girls or friends second guessed me and my worth I would become angry and bitter about it. I became more reserved on how I let people in. Relationships were hard. Because on one hand if a girl gave me everything I would get bored and seek something else. I would crave girls who made things difficult. A hurdle to climb. That girl had an awesome ex? Screw him I'm gonna be wayyyyyy better, watch this backflip. I scared off my fair share of girls that way. Relationships would become less about us and more about me and my insecurities/chip. Because that's where most chips come from. Your biggest insecurities and you working against them vehemently. . . . . There's a girl. She's rather wonderful I think. I was friends with her for years. And we naturally got close and we turned into more. It's a dope story. Need to tell it sometime. And she needed me. And she asked a lot of me. And I easily jumped through hoops and hurdles that was her insecurities and spiraling depression. And I didn't do it to prove anything for the first time ever. I did it for her. And I did it with a smile. Then we broke up. But she still needed me or wanted me I suppose. And at this point I was in love with her. But yet again. I didn't tell her or show her just how in love I was. I'm hard on myself. So maybe that's my way of being hard on myself. By telling myself I could have done more to preserve/save it. And when a new person entered the picture it destroyed my world. My chip became angry and bitter. After years of just being a steady motivator and a helpful inspiration of what I could be, now it told me to show her and prove to her that I'm 5 times the man he is. To prove I will be her biggest regret and this will be her biggest mistake. I guess that's what love and heartbreak does amirght? I cared less about if she deserved me or not. And cared more about having her. Proving myself to her. I stopped biting my nails (my most troublesome vice and one of many years, a decade even perhaps). I vowed to get her back when the time is right. And now I'm left wondering. Do I still want her. Or do I have something to prove to her. To prove to the world? To prove to myself. That I can get the girl. That's awful. At least I think it is. And if I come back for her I want it to be entirely because I want to be with her. Because entirely I wish to spend the rest of my life with her. Not because I'm pissed at her low-key and need to make sure she knows who the best guy is. It's my chip. And that chip will get me to great Heights in school and in wrestling and in life I believe. Most people my age aren't on my level. Emotionally, intellectually, and just work ethic and mindset wise. I always took pride in that. But I've lost my way a bit. She brought out my best at times. But now also my worst. I used to believe in tongue-in-cheek and now with her I just spout and spout. And that gets us nowhere. She's still with him. And that'll haunt me. She'll haunt me. But the way I see it. Is it'll motivate me to get better. And when I get better I'll be better off. Maybe she'll see where I go. Maybe her dad will see me on TV and tell her "you should have stayed with that kid. I see him on this and there's something special about him. There always was." that'd make me smile. And hopefully she agrees with him. For now I'm blocked. For now her bf is gonna convince her I'm what's holding her back from the infinite happiness that is dating him. That I'm the problem. Maybe he's right. Maybe the entire world is right about me. I'm not as good as I think I am. But fuck it. I won't give him or anyone. The satisfaction of that. I'll be 6 FT under before I admit that. Maybe me and her aren't destined to be. But that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with me. It just makes the chip on my shoulder bigger. And I'm done letting it control me. I control it. And I'm gonna use it. To get to where I need to be. And where I need to go. And if where I go crosses with her. Maybe then it is meant to be. And if it's not. It wouldn't be my fault. Because I have a chip on my shoulder. Which means I try until I can't try anymore. And then I still try. And that's what makes me special. My chip on my shoulder. And the smile I have with that chip, as I get to work. I got my smile. Now... ... It's time to get to work. 😊💚

[viralhottopics]

A Definitive Ranking Of 2000s Rom Coms

Although people who peaked in high school like to act poetic about how great the 2000s were, they werent actually any better than the present day. I mean, it was a time when Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake wore matching denim outfits in public and nobody carted them off to an insane asylum.

But Im prepared to make a concession on two points: 1) At least we werent under the administration of a sentient slime mold wearing a bad wig. 2) The 2000s were a golden age for romantic comedies, mostly thanks to Judy Greers tireless efforts to play every heroines best friend. Plus, only like half the jokes were sexist, and there was about an 80% chance pre-pretentious Matthew McConaughey would show up.

Obviously, a betch has to be picky about her rom-comssome are shitty in a good way, but others are best avoided in case someone catches you watching them. To guide your Netflix viewings, here’s a totally objective list of 00s rom coms. If you disagree, which Im sure everyone will, please note that Im not actually forcing you to watch these movies; Im just saying that if you regularly watch any of the bottom five, you have terrible taste.

14.

is considered a modern classic by two groups of people. 1) men in their late 20s with a crush on Natalie Portman and a thriving quarter-life crisis and 2) 8th graders in 2004 under the assumption that any movie that features a Shins track in its soundtrack is automatically deep. To everyone else, its a film about self-absorbed white people whining about their lives until theyre magically fixed by the power of mixtapes. There are approximately a zillion issues with this film, beginning with Zach Braffs complete lack of expression and ending with the fact that you cant cure real depression by listening to The Shins, no matter how clearly superior the soundtrack is to anything else in this film. Worst of all, though, is the fact that Natalie Portman played a manic pixie dream girl so obnoxious I still dream about strangling her character sometimes. Padme deserves so much better.

13.

Im not saying romantic comedies have to make much sense, but s plot is mystifying. Matthew McConaugheys parents are tired of him living at home, so they call in a lady high class escort (Sarah Jessica Parker) whose job is literally seducing men into moving out of their parents basements and unceremoniously dumping them. Because that’s plausible, and not at all fucked up to force your son to fall in love with someone you’re paying. Ridiculous premise aside, you know a movie is terrible when famed nicegirl Zooey Deschanel is the best thing about it.

12. Monster-in-Law

In case you missed this one, and for your sake I hope you did, is about Jane Fonda inexplicably being terrible to Jennifer Lopez, who walks a lot of dogs and is engaged to Fondas son. That right there should tell you all you need to knowI cannot think of one movie that JLo was in that was anything above mild torture, and we’re supposed to root for her character why, exactly? If my son was engaged to a full-time dog walker you can best believe I’d do everything short of actual murder to put a stop to that bullshit.

11.

Im told some people love this movie, but Jesus fucking Christ, is it possible for the two main characters to be any more appalling? Here you have two assholes manipulating the shit out of each other and just generally acting psychotic, all to win a stupid bet with their friends. They really should call it “How To Act Like A Psychopath And Lose Your Dignity.”

10.

Not gonna lie, I fucking adored when I was an impressionable preteen. It had time travel! Mark Ruffalo! A makeover scene! Years later, the movie is still fun to watch, even if it is way too obsessed with the 80s, but the jokes are more cute than funny. Also, why would anyone allow their 13-year-old child to go to a sleepover hosted by a 30-year-old? That is … questionable to say the least. Not to mention Jennifer Garner’s character does a reverse transformation from a betch into a nicegirl and dumps her hot pro bf in favor of her formerly fat friend. Blah blah, true love, I don’t give a fuck. Tenth.

9.

is close to being wrapped in cutesy narration, but it’s far superior. For one thing, it reintroduced the world to Joseph Gordon-Levitts dimples. For another, it manages to be a fairly realistic depiction of a shitty millennial relationship without being super fucking depressing. But thats also kind of the problemrom coms arent supposed to be realistic, theyre supposed to be clich and feel-good, and I don’t care what you say, Summer is a thot. I have literally stayed up at night mapping how she could have possibly met someone worthy of engagement a mere 118 days after she broke up with Tom, and only six days after attending a wedding as his guest (yes I did the mathI told you; this movie keeps me up at night). No matter how you slice it, she had to have cheated on somebody.

8.

Full disclosure: As a Southern betch, Im stoked that takes place right next door. (Dear Hollywood: An entire country exists between New York and LA.) But even though it features Patrick Dempsey as the other man, Josh Lucas with a dreamy Southern accent, and Reese Witherspoon, there are still some issues. Mainly, WTF WERE YOU THINKING, MELANIE? Did you really dump your future president fianc for your secret redneck husband just so “the first boy you kissed could also be your last”? I’ve heard of trying to keep your number down, but damn if this isn’t some delusional shit.

7.

Everyone on planet Earth can relate to having a batshit crazy family, and thats exactly what makes appealing. The two leads are fine, considering they’re not Kate Hudson or Matthew McConaughey, but the extended family is everyones favorite part of the movie. Honestly the most memorable moment to come out of this movie is the “put some Windex on it”pretty good deal for Windex, not so much for the people who actually starred in the movie. However, it does get points for the memorable line: “The man may be the head of the household, but the woman is the neck and she can turn the head any way she pleases.”

6.

The plot is pretty flimsy (a Canadian businesswoman has to marry her assistant to avoid deportation) but everyone loves a story where the couple starts out hating each other and eventually falls in love. The cast is what makes this movie pure rom com gold: Sandra Bullock, Ryan Reynolds, and Betty fucking White, who gifted us with the infamous Native American dance scene. Basically, it’s predictable but ridiculous, making it better than some of the other garbage movies on this list.

5.

Admittedly, is probably to blame for some of the chubby man-child/beautiful, svelte woman couplings we see in the media that give men unrealistic beauty expectations (of the types of women they can expect to date), otherwise known as The Beyonc/Jay Z Phenomenon. But whatevs. Its a good movie. Seth Rogen has that whole dad bod thing going onapparently a thing some people are intoand Katherine Heigl was at the top of her rom com game before she pissed off the entire cast of .is actually hilarious, which is enough to make up for the fact that Katherine Heigl appears in it.

4.

Even aside from my undeniable crush on youthful Sandra Bullock, is a quintessential early-2000s romantic comedy. Allow me to explain. 1) It stars an ambitious career woman who dont need no man. 2) But she kind of wants one anyway, and everyone realizes what a catch she is when she puts on lipstick and a dress. 3) Did I mention its plot is literally an extended makeover scene as Bullock goes from bad ass FBI agent to bad ass beauty pageant contestant? I rest my case. Add in some cute female friendships and a scene in which Bullock teaches us how to fend off an attacker, and its basically required viewing every year.

3.

You had to know was going to make the list despite this amazing take-down article of why it’s actually terrible. With approximately a bajillion storylines going on, its hard not to find one you like and get invested, and it doesnt hurt that the film features every well-known British actor under the sun. Im not sure how the movie manages to juggle all the different plots without being confusing and/or boring, but Im not gonna question it. However, this shit is TOO FUCKING LONG. If I have to pop an Adderall just to make it through a damn movie (which I do), you need to send your editors back to the drawing board.

2.

is the perfect example of a rom com thats super clich in theory, but in practice, its so fucking heartwarming it doesnt even matter (ugh). Katherine Heigl plays ultimate nicegirl Jane (in case the fact that her name is “Jane” wasn’t enough of a clue), whos been part of 27 weddings and miraculously hasnt gone broke from buying all the bridesmaid dresses. The dudes are pretty forgettable, but Janes psychotic sister and slutty best friend totally steal the spotlight, elevating the film to truly betchy heights.

P.S. For once, James Marsden plays the leading man, so his preternaturally perfect face gets more screen time, #bless.

1.

Bridget Joness Diary is the ultimate feel-good movie, as in its literally impossible to watch it without feeling your icy soul thaw ever so slightly at the end. The titular character starts out fat, single, and past the age of 30, so basically our worst nightmare. By the end, though, she manages to bang Hugh Grant and Colin Firth, land a better job, and become a self-described wanton sex goddess. If those arent your life goals, you clearly need to start your own self-help journey.

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from A Definitive Ranking Of 2000s Rom Coms