#lisamariexox

[biggameleroy]

Chocolate Chip

The first time I ever heard of the phrase chip on my shoulder I was young, too young so I assumed that it meant chocolate chips. How sweet to have a chip on your shoulder. A nice little snack for later I thought. Fast forward to now I clearly understand the point of the phrase/expression. Too much. I live it now. It's my burden to bear. It causes me great discomfort and great pain. But it has also become my greatest strength. . . . Have you ever felt different? That maybe you're destined for more? Of course you have. We all have. A lot of us young ones still do. Not out of arrogance or entitlement but just because we almost naively and childlikely believe everyone has their special place in life waiting for them. Some wish to be doctors or world leaders or lawyers. Some aspire to take something they love to do, hone that craft and perfect and create and perform said craft at the highest possible level, on the grandest stages on the planet (sports, theatre, literature, art, professional wrestling). Some wish to own their own land or property. To get something they've wanted after years of work and aspiring (farm, dream house, dream car). Some wish to find lifelong and meaningful connections (friendships, relationships, family,). Some just want go from poverty to wealth (started from the bottom, now we here?). But what happens when the world tells you no. You can't have that. Your not good enough and you never will be. Because you're you. And you don't deserve that. It's human nature for that to hurt. Always. It's the same effect when you tell a kid Santa isn't real or that eventually their parents and everyone they love will eventually die. It very literally is a dream crusher. It's the cruelest form of pain you can inflict on another. And in this corporate society we're taught to minimize our expectations. Yeah maybe don't shoot for the stars. But hey if you shoot for that 2 story building there's no way you won't get it. We're taught that subtlety by our own flesh and blood, our teachers, our peers, by television, heck even art in general sends that message. Thankfully some reject this notion. They push on to their goals and aspirations undeterred. They do what others say they can't do and shrug as if there wasn't a whole society working against them. Sometimes said people are guilty of settling. But how can you blame them. A nice 401K? A 9-5 you don't hate? A nuclear family that you love? What's not to like? And there's always lots of love and joy to be experienced from this. Maybe they'll get to the stars. But if they don't. They'll find a nice tall building to live their life in and be happy with it. But if you have a chip on your shoulder like me.... Then this life of love and joy is very difficult to maintain. . . . . . A chip on your shoulder in the simplest description means you have a lot to prove in an aggressive and passionate way. You wanting to accomplish feats doesn't always come from the joy of setting a goal and achieving it. It comes from proving the system wrong. It comes from flipping the bird to everyone and anyone who bet against you(heck even to anyone who didn't support your hustle from day one. How dare they! LOL). It comes from your heart and soul and it's an almost primal desire to prove your worth to the world. To some(let's be real to all) it'll come off as pushy and intense. Bitter. Angry. Especially depending on the person and how their chip has manifested over time and experiences it can be more angrier and bitter than others. In some cases however, some people's chips can be rather positive and motivational. You've heard the cases. People who were handed nothing and made it in a world that seemed to throw obstacle after obstacle. And now that they've overcome they can now truly live and be happy and they've earned it. Probably more so than any of us (yes even more so than me and you). Those people aren't necessarily angry and bitter about it either during the come up. They smile through their pain. Crack jokes about it. Then they say what they're going to achieve and just go again even harder. They're the kinda people who don't sleep. The kinda people who are always busy when they don't need to be. The kinda people who are always tired and yet still do things. The kinda people who are "burning the candle on both ends". That's what having a chip on your shoulder means to me. I've always thought that the most successful AND hard working individuals had their own chips on their shoulders. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is one of the most highest paid actors in Hollywood and is easily one of the most followed and has an insane amount of sponsorships and is set for life. He is always on the road flying to different locations for different movies on a crazy schedule that leaves little time to himself. Sounds like any rich dude huh? Well when he gets his free time (which is typically when he should be sleeping) he's in the gym. Working out. He used to be a legitimate Professional Wrestler and he looks in the best shape of his life still as his body is slowing down. He's doing this not for his roles (he could have had a regular bod and still been Hollywood great) he's doing this for himself. Because he's still hungry. He still has something to prove. He has a chip on his shoulder. And despite all the success he's had. It's still not enough. Maybe he needs to change the world. Be an example, an inspiration. He has an app challenging people to wake up at 4am like him and "seize the day and kick it's ass" as he would say. But I believe it's for him. Because when he looks in the mirror, he still sees the broke as s#&t reject football player who contemplated what was next in life for himself. Who battled depression and contemplated suicide. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm projecting. But food for thought amiright? . . . . My chip comes from being a nerd. A loser. Weird. Different. Geeky. Odd. Goofy. Corny. Spazy. Forever Virgin. Socially awkward. A faggot. Stupid. You name it. At one point I was it apparently. (not gay tho apparently people thought that?) And honestly I always thought I was the star of my own cartoon growing up. The Superhero of my comic book. The main character of my sitcom. The lead actor in my full feature cinema. The champion of champions. And for some reason. The world crushed that. Or tried too. It told me I didn't deserve to think or feel this way. That I was wrong. That I was a reject. That I was far from the star. That I was a background character. That I would never make the cut. On rough days, I believed it. That's what this world can do to you sometimes. I'm a tough kid now. But I had to be. Or else I would have been broken long ago. The final straw was when I was 14. A girl I was speaking to for months. Nonstop. I fell in love with her but didn't have the self love or experience to tell her so. So I became her best friend. The most important person in her life. And I fooled myself into thinking that made us destined to be together. That I didn't need to work at this point. It was in the bag. It would just happen. That's the first instance I learned nobody gives a s@#t about what you've earned and what you deserve. Especially when it comes to romance and love. Especially at this age and this stage. If so we'd be getting married at a much younger age and staying married and making it work so much better. We don't know what a good thing is until it's gone. She ended up finding a bf. I got emotional and left her life for a bit. Never did got my chance to tell her how I felt then. She knew of course. But how much different would things have been for us if I told her. What I do know is that I got pissed off. I'm not an angry person. Or at least I don't think I am. But I was mad. At myself and at the world. I screamed that I only wanted that one thing. That one girl. I put in the work. I gave her my all. And that's when the chip manifested. It was inside of a while and then it took that to break it. It was after that, I saw a wrestler, who was also pissed off and bitter, who also had a chip on his shoulder, yell and scream to everyone angrily that he deserved more and that he deserved so because he was the best in the world. And then he proved it. In his hometown and in the biggest match up of his life. It was a night that changed wrestling. That resonated with me. That whole summer did. I thought to myself if I become the best in the world there's no way I can't be happy. There's no way I can't achieve the things I want. That's when I told myself I wanted to be the best wrestler on the planet. At 14 years old. My chip had manifested and taken on a life of its own. It became me. I always wanted to be a wrestler but I was afraid to say it (the world can be cruel) but now I would accept it and scream it to the world. So they could know from day one, I was always this way. This chip made certain things difficult at first. Any time obstacles were put in my way it would piss me off. Anytime girls or friends second guessed me and my worth I would become angry and bitter about it. I became more reserved on how I let people in. Relationships were hard. Because on one hand if a girl gave me everything I would get bored and seek something else. I would crave girls who made things difficult. A hurdle to climb. That girl had an awesome ex? Screw him I'm gonna be wayyyyyy better, watch this backflip. I scared off my fair share of girls that way. Relationships would become less about us and more about me and my insecurities/chip. Because that's where most chips come from. Your biggest insecurities and you working against them vehemently. . . . . There's a girl. She's rather wonderful I think. I was friends with her for years. And we naturally got close and we turned into more. It's a dope story. Need to tell it sometime. And she needed me. And she asked a lot of me. And I easily jumped through hoops and hurdles that was her insecurities and spiraling depression. And I didn't do it to prove anything for the first time ever. I did it for her. And I did it with a smile. Then we broke up. But she still needed me or wanted me I suppose. And at this point I was in love with her. But yet again. I didn't tell her or show her just how in love I was. I'm hard on myself. So maybe that's my way of being hard on myself. By telling myself I could have done more to preserve/save it. And when a new person entered the picture it destroyed my world. My chip became angry and bitter. After years of just being a steady motivator and a helpful inspiration of what I could be, now it told me to show her and prove to her that I'm 5 times the man he is. To prove I will be her biggest regret and this will be her biggest mistake. I guess that's what love and heartbreak does amirght? I cared less about if she deserved me or not. And cared more about having her. Proving myself to her. I stopped biting my nails (my most troublesome vice and one of many years, a decade even perhaps). I vowed to get her back when the time is right. And now I'm left wondering. Do I still want her. Or do I have something to prove to her. To prove to the world? To prove to myself. That I can get the girl. That's awful. At least I think it is. And if I come back for her I want it to be entirely because I want to be with her. Because entirely I wish to spend the rest of my life with her. Not because I'm pissed at her low-key and need to make sure she knows who the best guy is. It's my chip. And that chip will get me to great Heights in school and in wrestling and in life I believe. Most people my age aren't on my level. Emotionally, intellectually, and just work ethic and mindset wise. I always took pride in that. But I've lost my way a bit. She brought out my best at times. But now also my worst. I used to believe in tongue-in-cheek and now with her I just spout and spout. And that gets us nowhere. She's still with him. And that'll haunt me. She'll haunt me. But the way I see it. Is it'll motivate me to get better. And when I get better I'll be better off. Maybe she'll see where I go. Maybe her dad will see me on TV and tell her "you should have stayed with that kid. I see him on this and there's something special about him. There always was." that'd make me smile. And hopefully she agrees with him. For now I'm blocked. For now her bf is gonna convince her I'm what's holding her back from the infinite happiness that is dating him. That I'm the problem. Maybe he's right. Maybe the entire world is right about me. I'm not as good as I think I am. But fuck it. I won't give him or anyone. The satisfaction of that. I'll be 6 FT under before I admit that. Maybe me and her aren't destined to be. But that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with me. It just makes the chip on my shoulder bigger. And I'm done letting it control me. I control it. And I'm gonna use it. To get to where I need to be. And where I need to go. And if where I go crosses with her. Maybe then it is meant to be. And if it's not. It wouldn't be my fault. Because I have a chip on my shoulder. Which means I try until I can't try anymore. And then I still try. And that's what makes me special. My chip on my shoulder. And the smile I have with that chip, as I get to work. I got my smile. Now... ... It's time to get to work. 😊💚

[womenwithink]

@lisamariexox by @jpshotyou #womenwithink #womenwithtattoos #girlswithink #girlswithtattoos #modelswithink #modelswithtattoos #sleeve #sleevetattoo #art #armtattoo #thightattoo #stomachtattoo #sternumtattoo #ink #inked #inkedlife #inkedwomen #inkedgirls #tattoo #tattoos #tattooed #tattooedwomen #tattooedgirls

[inkdoneright]

by @lisamariexox http://ift.tt/2j3UE62

[expressiveartphoto]

Wowza! DM too book! Houston: Mar 26th-28th Corpus Christi: Apr 5th-7th El Paso: Apr 8th-10th Phoenix: Apr 17th-19th Las Vegas: Apr 20th-22nd San Diego: Apr 23rd-25th Los Angeles: Apr 26th-28th San Francisco: Apr 29th-May 1st Portland: May 2nd-4th Seattle: May 5th-7th Reno: May 8th-10th Chicago: May 20th-22nd Philadelphia: Jun 1st-3rd Boston: Jun 4th-6th Atlanta: Jun 19th-21st #Photographer #Texas #Inked #Tattoo #SkinDeep #Tattoos #Ink #Tattooed #UnitedStates #TatowierMagazin #SkinAndInkMag #BeautyPageant #Tattooedgirls #Tattooedguys #Sponsors #Dallas #TattooCommunity #SullenAngels #SullenClothing #Model #TattooModel #BlackAndGreyTattoos #H2OceanModels #InkedGirls #UnitedInk #WorldFamousInk #Empireinks #PainfulPleasures Models: @jamiemahood, @lisamariexox, & Dayna (at Dallas, Texas)

[inktatts-blog]

POW! 💛💙💜💚❤ @lisamariexox -> http://wp.me/p60eNF-3yx

[onlytattooedbabes-blog]

😈 @lisamariexox omg your body! 💜 Tag a friend!

[skinnyinsta]

♥

[biggameleroy]

2015, May. It was a different time. She was different. I was different. I was still fairly new into the world I now call home. Was still in school. She hadn’t been to college yet. Hadn’t been broken by the cruelty of that world yet. I remember thinking we were two young and hungry kids ready to take on the world. She had doubts within herself. As did I. As do I, I should say. But we were both hopeful. I saw something in her that day. Something special. I was with someone then but I wished to be closer almost. Not in a love sense but just closer. She seemed remarkable. She is remarkable. How things have changed. We grew closer. Maybe closer than we needed too… But that thought escapes my mind because she needed someone. And I didn’t realize it then. I needed someone too. And it was ok to want someone. Ok to want to build something with a person. Share your life with them… No. Give your life to them. She became apart of my dream. She was my best friend. She still is. But my best friend is lost right now. And right now she’s bringing out the worst in me. She’s making tough decisions and making a lot of mistakes. I’m far from perfect in this either but I still know what I want. Who. I have hope that if it were really real. There could be chance to go back to that. I can’t just say fuck her. She’s messed up. Everyone is. Every girl. Every guy too actually. I am too. Some people are just better at holding it inside then others. I didn’t stay and fall for her because she’s perfect. I accepted her flaws and believed in her strengths. I believed in her heart. And I still do. And when she can do that for herself. Then I think she’ll be able to talk to me. And when she comes to her senses and gets rid of that shithead.(couldn’t keep it nice sorry not sorry) Because what she’s looking for isn’t in him. He’s an average joe(less than that REALLY but I’ll give him a little credit). And there’s nothin wrong with that. But I’m an extraordinary kid who’s willing to do anything and everything for the things in my heart. Wrestling. Family. Friends. Lisamarie. And I’m willing to build with her in a way I’ve never been willing before. It’s scary to me too. And unconditionally I love her. And that love makes me just wish for her happiness. And there’s a belief inside me that I’m the man to do it for her. Despite everything. There’s too many signs I think. Everything fits too perfect. We didn’t met on Tinder. I didn’t slide in her dm’s. I didn’t wait for her to be single. I made peace with the idea that she’d be a close friend and I was perfectly fine with that. But then we became more. More then just a simple label. More then just best friends or lovers. We were each other’s persons. But I guess we’ll see. This isn’t even everything. Maybe I’ll spill those beans someday. It’s a beautiful story really……. But for now the story ends on a cliffhanger. Stay tuned. I know I will💚 #lovestory #friendshipstory #LisamarieRojas

[expressiveartphoto]

Throwback with @lisamariexox #Photographer #Texas #Inked #Tattoo #NaturalLight #Tattoos #Ink #Tattooed #UnitedStates #SullenClothing #H2Ocean #InkedMag #TatowierMagazin #SkinAndInk #beautypageant #tattooedgirls #tattooedguys #sponsors #dallas #neotraditional #newschool #traditionaltattoo #realism #tattooartist #tattooindustry #SullenAngels (at Dallas, Texas)

[inktatts-blog]

Super! #InkedGirls 💪❤ | @lisamariexox -> https://wp.me/p60eNF-2ZE

[biggameleroy]

I had another dream of her. It’s only fitting because she was apart of my day dreams in my life. And now out of it, she’ll linger in my night dreams. In it I spent the whole day with her. Asking her about him. And she would tell me. I’d keep my calm even though every answer frustrated me. Because I wanted to ask more and didn’t want to yell or scream. It’s like when you have something inside that you just have to let out but won’t. Like gas. Haha. Got a fart joke in this. Sue me. Every answer had some level of confusion to it. Or uncertainty I should say. And that’s what really messed me up. Life is uncertain. People are uncertain. I’m not uncertain. People seem to not get me. I always thought (in every way and in every world not just a love way) I’m the perfect person to build around because I know who I am(for the most part) and I love who I am. I’m focused and driven when the moments call for it. I’m passionate and unyielding. I just don’t give up. But that’s scary. Girls find that scary. Sometimes not because of the guy but in general. Or maybe it is just me and I need to stop lying to myself. There was a moment. I asked her. Why. She said it’s simple. And easy. We talk and it’s not super intense. I told her we’re not like that either. She said sometimes. But she said I know it’ll get there at some point. “We’ll have to have that crazy intense talk about how much we love each other. Or the future. And maybe I feel it but….” Then I woke up. This situation makes me feel like a mistake. My friendship with her and my relationship. Because she’s sacrificing both for him. Which to move on you have to do in this case. And the thing about sacrifices is sometimes their absolute. Sometimes there’s no going back. And she’ll have to come to terms with the possibility that she’ll lose me forever over someone/something that may be a mistake. And I’m not a mistake. Friday, March 24 wasn’t a mistake either because she needed someone and it was me. She came to me in every way. And I think her made that call. But she made a mistake. And the mistake was trying to move on from something that wasn’t messed up. Or broken. Running from someone who not only is willing to do anything for her. But is actually remarkable enough to do the things he says he’s gonna do. I pulled her out of the abyss. And I had every attention of putting her on my shoulders until she was happy. I had every intention of putting her up there even if it meant my back gives out and I fall down. And no. I’m not entitled to her for that. We don’t deserve shit in this lifetime. But my question to her is. You’re really gonna show someone like that door because you’re scared? No you’re not. Because you’re too grateful and appreciative. But I know the real reason why you keep me away. Because I remind you of what you’ve done. I remind you of your mistakes. Your bad decisions. And you’d rather go through the impossible task of making those mistakes ok then talk to me. It’s too hard to deal with me. Too much love. Too much fear. Too much anger at yourself that’s spurred by me. With him it’s easier. And you know it. But sweetheart. Anything worthwhile in life takes work. And fact is you’re not willing to work this out. Not really. But like I said. I don’t give up. And I have hope. Beyond everything else. I can’t forgive you for choosing him over me because that alone is a terrible decision. Not because history between us. Not because anything I’ve done for you. But because I’m what you want to be. I’m extraordinary. And that comes from the inside before you see it on the outside. I just thought you knew. And if you knew would you really make that call? But I understand better now. Your peace of mind matters more than our friendship/relationship. But one day you’re gonna wake up and feel all of this. And you’re gonna cry and want to come to me. Again. And depending on how long it takes you. Maybe I’ll pick up the phone. Or maybe I’ll already be done with you. And you’ll just be memories and a small tattoo to me. And then you’ll realize your biggest mistake and regret is something that you had. And could have kept having. I’m not a mistake. The reason why you’re making mistakes is because you’re listening to your head and not your heart. And when it comes to friends and love and people. You have to trust your heart. It lead you to me that day. It lead you to me May 30th. And neither of those and everything in between was not a mistake. At least not enough of a mistake worth cheating on *shrugs*. Maybe this isn’t for anything. Maybe I’m saying this for a girl I’ll never see again. A girl who is sick and tired of my "doing more than anyone else will" routine. She wouldn't be the first and she's gonna be far from the last. But at least it’s something YOU can read about and grow through. Food for thought for the next nice guy you date cause it ain’t him foh. (lol why can’t I keep things nice) #hereallynottho #thisaintabouthimtho #neverwasstillisnt #stillfuckhimuptho #LisamarieRojas #lovestory

[inktatts-blog]

POW! 🙏 @b_squared @lisamariexox @illyriajade -> https://wp.me/p60eNF-2E1

[inktatts-blog]

Awesome! A cameria is a save button for the minds eye.💾💉💦 📷:@lisamariexox -> http://wp.me/p60eNF-2DA

[inktatts-blog]

Awesome! Sweet Summer Sixteen ☀️💦 #inkedgirls #inkedgirl #tattooing #tattoed #tattoedgirls #inkstagram #inkedbabes #girlswithink #inkedup 📷: @lisamariexox -> https://wp.me/p60eNF-1zg