#I AM ENTITLED TO GETTING FUCKING ANGRY OKAY???

[apolloscastellan]

From one kiss to getting married | loss of my life chapter 5

Pairing: Art Donaldson x Tashi Duncan x Patrick Zweig x FemaleTennisPlayer!reader

Summary: Your life had always been divided in two: before you met Tashi and after you met Tashi. The second you had laid eyes on her for the first time you knew you had been changed. You were soulmates, meant for each other Nothing could ever tear you two apart, or so you had thought. You could've pinpointed the junior U.S. Open as the night that changed everything. Now you have to juggle your hate-love relationship with tennis with your love-love relationship with Tashi and the two guys who you can't seem to stay away from. Tennis, after all, was only one of the most fucked up relationships of your life.

Warnings: challengers spoiler, challengers content warnings, super minor character death, terrible mother figure, use of y/n, polyamory.

Word count: 4.6K

A/N: I have to be honest i've been trying to put this one off for as long as I could because this is the end of the series. I am not ready to let these four go just yet so if you have any suggestions for scenarios in this universe(or any other) please please leave a request! Hope you like this one<3

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New Rochelle, New York. August 23, 2019:

It’s three a.m. by the time Patrick stumbles through the door. He doesn’t expect you to be awake, much less sitting on the bed, waiting for him. He really should’ve, though.

“Hey” he says, like an idiot.

“Where were you?”

He thinks about lying for a second, but he doesn’t keep any secrets from you. You don’t keep any secrets from each other. Open communication, it’s what you had agreed on. You and your mutual therapist had both agreed that it was the only way you were ever going to make it work. Patrick was just glad to have been given a chance.

“I was with Tashi” you nod, but you don’t say anything. “We had sex.”

“I assumed.”

“She asked me to throw the match so Art can win. She said he needed it.”

You look at him, expectantly.

“What did you say?”

“I said I’d do it.”

“It would break him if you beat him again right now,” he nods, slowly. “And you love him.”

“And I love him.”

“He made you cry.”

“Tashi made you cry. You still love her.”

“Yeah, but you were angry at her for years, so I think I’m entitled to be angry with Art for a little bit.”

“You don’t care, do you?” he makes his way towards the bed, crawling until he is right in front of you. “About me losing?”

“The only thing I care about is that you don’t injure yourself again and we can play in the U.S open.”

“So you don’t care that people will say that I’m a mess and you should’ve never given me a chance?

“Baby,” you say, holding his head in your hands, “you are the only one who cares about that. I love you, and I love playing with you. I don’t give a fuck if you embarrass yourself playing some stupid challenger.”

“Really?”

“Well, maybe I care a little if you embarrass yourself, but it’s because I know you, and I know you can do much better. Plus, Art will never believe he truly beat you if you don’t even try. But I don’t care about what people say, okay?”

He smiles, for the first time all night. You do too. You kiss him, trying to wash away the guilt you feel. You still haven’t told him. For a person who wears her heart on her sleeve, you are proving yourself to be very good at keeping secrets. You don’t like it. You hate keeping secrets from him.

New Rochelle, New York. August 24, 2019:

Art Donaldson: 2-6-5-40

Patrick Zweig: 6-2-5-40

The ball goes over the net, over, and over again. You look at it but you don’t see it. You can’t tell who hits it each time. You want to stand up, run away. You don’t. You sit, quietly. You fake content, fake interest. You pretend you don’t see Tashi looking at you. You pretend you don’t care if she is. Your breath catches on your throat. You feel like you’re about to throw up.

New Rochelle, New York. August 23, 2019:

You make your way to the hotel bar the second Patrick falls asleep. You need something strong, and even though you know you won’t drink, you can’t, you think maybe the atmosphere will take some of the pressure off your shoulders. You’re wrong. You don’t know what you expected to find there, but it was definitely not Art Donaldson, nursing a glass of whiskey, looking dejected. You try to turn around, run away before he sees you, but it’s too late.

“Y/n,” he says, breathless, standing up.

You should walk away. Take the elevator back to the third floor, walk into your room. You should lay beside Patrick, fall asleep, pretend this never happened. But you don’t, you walk forward until you’re standing face to face with Art. You look into each other’s eyes. Neither of you says anything. Then, he pulls a stool close to his own. You both sit down.

New Rochelle, New York. August 24, 2019:

You can feel him giving up. No one else will notice, but you know his game better than your own. You don’t know if it makes you sad, angry or proud. Maybe all of them, maybe none. There’s so much inside of you that you wonder if you are feeling anything at all. You hold your breath as he lets Art get an ace and win the set. He looks back at you. You don’t know whether he is asking for permission, or forgiveness, or both. You nod and smile softly at him anyways. You could never deny him of anything, even if you don’t know what he is asking for.

New Rochelle, New York. August 23, 2019:

“Let me buy you a drink,” he says, raising his hand to call the waiter.

You stop him with a hand on his shoulder. He looks back at you, confused.

“I can’t drink.”

“Well I shouldn’t be drinking either, I am the one with the match tomorrow. C’mon, I won’t tell your coach”

“No, Art, I can’t drink,” you say, looking at him pointedly.

He finally gets it. It stops him in his tracks. He looks at you, then down to your stomach, then back to your face, as if trying to figure out if you’re saying the truth.

“You’re… Are you…?” the question lingers, unfinished, but you know what he means, you nod. “Well, fuck. This is good news, right? Congrats”

He tries to swallow down the lump in his throat. He doesn’t understand the pit in his stomach. He smiles, but it comes out like a grimace.

“Art you can’t tell anyone, nobody knows. You’re the first person I’ve told.”

His eyebrows shoot up.

“Patrick doesn’t know?”

You shake your head and look around. You can feel the guilt settle inside you, present as it has been for the entire week.

“He has enough on his plate right now, he doesn’t need this to add to it.”

The fact that Art and Tashi have a lot to do with that goes unsaid. You both know, anyways.

New Rochelle, New York. August 24, 2019:

He wins the first two points of the next set. He looks back at you. He is doing it for you, you know. He is trying to redeem himself for what he’s about to do. It hurts you, not because you care at all about this game, or any other. But because you can’t stand the thought of him proving everyone who didn’t believe in him right. Including the woman sitting next to you and the man across the net from him. You understand why he is doing it, though, you would’ve done the same thing. At the end of the day, Patrick and you are the same, two sides of a coin, it’s what makes your relationship work after all.

New Rochelle, New York. August 23, 2019:

“Patrick and Tashi had sex tonight” he says, after a couple seconds of silence, rushing through his words.

You deserve to know, especially if you’re having Patrick’s child. He expects you to be shocked, to deny it. He even expects you to cry, or scream at him. He expects everything but the nod you give him.

“I know,” it comes out like a whisper.

“You know?”

“Yes, Art, Patrick and I don’t keep secrets from each other,” it’s a jab at him and his own relationship, but he doesn’t acknowledge it.

“And you’re ok with it?”

“Is this where you want to have this conversation?” you look around, but the bar is completely empty, even the bartender is gone.

“This is as good a place as any.”

“Then, yes, Art, I am ok with Tashi and Patrick having sex. Are you?”

He looks at you, dumbfounded. He doesn’t answer your question.

“Why the fuck are you with him?”

“Why the fuck are you with Tashi?” you throw back at him, when he doesn’t answer, you do. “Because I love him,” it’s simple, really, but Art doesn’t seem to get it.

“You deserve so much better than him.”

“I don’t know anyone better than him.”

Me, Art wants to say, I would never cheat, I would never make you quit, I would treat you so much better than he can. It isn’t true, not really. He had had his chance and he didn’t treat you any better. He hadn’t cheated, not physically at least, but he hadn’t been a great boyfriend. Maybe that’s why it bothers him so much, because you seem to be ok with Patrick not being any good, but not with him messing up. It’s his fault, he knows, he never reached out. Maybe if he had you would’ve given him a second chance. The thought does nothing but make him more angry.

“This is ridiculous,” you scoff out, your shoulders tense. “You and Tashi think you know so much. About me, about him, about relationships and each other, but it’s not true. You don’t know shit. Not even about yourselves. It’d be funny if it wasn’t so sad. You can’t even be honest with yourselves, let alone each other, and you keep pushing your insecurities onto us. Patrick would’ve never slept with Tashi if he hadn’t known I would be ok with it,” Art has never seen you this angry, but he doesn’t know what to do to stop it. “I’m tired of the both of you acting like you’re so much better than us, than him. You don’t know either of us anymore and it’s no one's fault but yours, so learn to live with it. I’m done with you two, so, unless you are going to learn to deal with whatever internal shit you have going on, leave us alone”

“Y/n…”

“Good luck tomorrow, Art. Good night,” you turn around, not allowing him to say anything else.

Patrick is still asleep when you make it back to your room. He is sprawled all over the bed. You lay on his chest and let his arms engulf you. You let his heartbeat and soft breathing lure you to sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a long day.

New Rochelle, New York. August 24, 2019:

This is it, you tell yourself as Patrick serves straight to the net twice in a row. You shake your head. You almost don’t want to look. You want to reach over and squeeze Tashi’s hand like you did whenever you watched a movie that was slightly too scary for you, but you can’t. You haven’t been allowed to seek comfort from her in that way in a long time. It’s match point, you realize only as the umpire calls it. You look at Patrick, and although you try to keep the sadness off your face, you’re not sure you do a good job. He smiles sadly at you and you nod. He looks at Tashi, you can feel the wheels turning in his head. You’re not sure why, but you have a feeling he is about to do something stupid. You feel Tashi squirm next to you, she is just as nervous as you are.  It’s comforting to know that you’re not alone.

Patrick goes over to his spot. He makes the ball bounce once, twice, three times. He goes into his serving motion and then…

“Out!” a line judge calls.

He shakes his head, pretending to be frustrated. His eyes never move from your direction as he walks back to his serving spot. You can’t tell if he’s looking at you or Tashi. You try to find it in yourself to care, you can’t. He looks at Art, then, and he smirks. Now you’re sure he is about to do something stupid. He bounces the ball once, then picks it up. He is stalling. You can see the indecision sweeping off of him. He looks up, straight at you. He is asking for permission, you realize. You nod, subtly, you trust him. He nods back, then looks back down. He goes into his serving motion, but he never throws the ball.

“Time violation, warning, Zweig,” the umpire’s voice rings through the speaker.

You don’t understand what’s going on. He looks at you again, still unsure. You roll your eyes playfully. Honestly you just want to go home at this point. You look at him, not moving. He needs to make a decision, and he needs to make it now. You’re never going to let him live it down if he loses this match because of a time violation.

He breathes in deeply, then out. He bounces the ball once, twice, three times, four times. But when he picks it up, instead of going through his serve, he places it on the neck of his racket. Then he serves, normally. Art doesn’t even try to hit it back.

“Deuce”

You frown, confused. You have no idea what just happened. Patrick smirks, cocky, then nods. Art scoffs.

“Fuck off!”

“Code violation, audible obscenity. Point penalty, Donaldson. Advantage, Zweig”

Art looks at you. For some reason, you’re completely sure he is thinking about the same thing you are. Your conversation last night. Recognition flashes through his face and you can see the exact moment he understands what you had been trying to tell him. He turns around, away from the court, but his eyes never stray from you. He looks down after a couple seconds of eye contact. His racket hits his leg repeatedly.

“Art?” the umpire calls, he doesn’t move.

“He can serve” it’s a bold move, you almost want to stand up and clap, you don’t know why.

“You need to get into position” the tone of voice leaves no room for argument.

Art looks up at you again. You don’t know what he wants from you but like you did for Patrick you nod anyway. It seems to work, because he gets into his position without waiting a second.

“Serve” he asks Patrick, but he is standing straight, absolutely not ready to receive.

The ball Patrick hits his way is a gift, low, with no real force behind it. Art doesn’t move. Patrick just won the set. It’s time for the tie break, you realize, and even though you could see it coming, it still shocks you. It had been his own doing, in a way you’re not sure you understand just yet, but Patrick looks as shocked as you feel as he gets ready to receive.

You can feel your heart thump in your chest. Art is expressionless as he serves the ball, harder than you have ever seen him serve. It goes straight for Patrick. He has to dodge to the side to avoid getting hit in the head. Someone screams at the top of their lungs and it takes you a second to recognize it’s Art. Then, like nothing has happened, they smile at each other. You must be crazy, because you smile too. 

It’s exhilarating, the way Art serves and Patrick is perfectly positioned to hit it back. They rally against each other. You can feel your heart as if it was trying to run away from you, into the court, where it belongs. Without thinking about it you reach out your hand. You don’t know what you are doing until fingers interlace with yours and it hits you, like a brick to the stomach, that you are holding hands with Tashi Duncan for the first time in thirteen years. You don’t look at her, you can’t and you don’t need to. Both of your heads move from one side of the court to the other, following the ball. You’ve never seen tennis quite like this. Patrick is playing better than you’ve ever seen him play. Art is playing better than you’ve ever seen him play. It’s addicting, thrilling, intoxicating. It’s everything tennis is supposed to be. It’s everything you haven’t realized you’ve been missing until now. You squeeze Tashi’s hand one, two, three times. Her response is almost immediate, squeezing your hand right back. 

It feels like the entire place is holding their breaths. Nobody is moving at all. The only thing you can hear is Art and Patrick’s grunts. You’re getting chills. They get closer together, slowly as the fight goes on. Each hit more precise, each backhand more powerful. You would be upset that you can’t be on the court, right in the middle of the action, if you couldn’t feel Tashi’s heartbeat through the hold she has on you. Both of your hands are now intertwined with hers and God, you’ve missed her. It all happens so fast, and somehow it still feels like slow motion as you watch Art jump to hit the ball, right next to the net. There’s no doubt in Patrick’s face as he drops his own racket and launches himself forward, arms first, to catch him as he falls down. You don’t see if the ball Art just hit goes in, but you don’t care either way. You jump off your seat as the two boys fall into an embrace over the net. Your own arms are now around Tashi’s shoulders, hers around your waist. You must look crazy to everyone watching but you can’t bring yourself to care. You are very glad Tashi doesn’t seem to be able to either.

“Come on!” The scream rips off your chest with an adrenaline that you only ever get on the court after a particularly hard earned and satisfactory win.

You don’t know what, but you feel like you’ve won. You smile, brightly and unashamedly, uncontrolled. From the corner of your eye, you can see Tashi smile too. Your entire body is vibrating from excitement and you can’t tell if it’s you or Tashi who is shaking, maybe both of you are. You haven’t felt anything akin to this since the last time you played doubles with Tashi, you don’t wanna let the feeling go. You still feel giddy as you sit back down, still holding on to Tashi tightly as the two boys continue to play. You’re pretty sure that Art wins, just barely, but you can’t really recall how or when. Tashi and you are on your feet immediately, clapping and cheering as they embrace each other again over the net. They whisper into each other’s ears and you would be upset at not knowing what they are saying but then the woman next to you is leaning over and whispers in your ear and your breath leaves your lungs:

“You wanna meet them in the locker room? We have a lot to talk about.”

You nod and you let her guide you, pulling you by your hand through the stands and a series of halls and corners. She’s always been the one who took control, your guiding light through the darkness, and you couldn't be more grateful for that now. You feel almost drunk on the events of today and you have no idea where you’re going and, if you’re being honest, you probably couldn’t get to where you came from by yourself either. She stops in front of a door you’ve seen before, it’s a generic white locker room door and it has a card with Art’s name taped on the side. You open your mouth to tell her you have to go look for Patrick but she is knocking on the door before you have the chance to say anything.

“You better be decent in there, because we’re coming in!” she calls through the door, not waiting for an answer before she pushes it open

You have the good mind to lock the door behind you as you giggle softly to yourself, even if they weren’t decent, it’s not anything you and Tashi haven’t seen before. You wouldn’t get much talking done, though, if that was the case. Thankfully they’re both full clothes, staring at the two of you mouths slightly agape. They look caught, even though they’re standing a decent distance apart from each other and they were probably not doing anything but stare at each other. It reminds you of that night, at the hotel room, and how they had looked at you after realizing they had just kissed. You can’t help the smile on your mouth. And then, Tashi speaks:

“I’ll do it” it’s the first thing she says. She is looking at Patrick, who looks back at you worriedly. “I’ll be your coach.”

Both you and Art are equally confused. You raise your hand, as if asking for permission to speak at school.

“I’m sorry, what’s going on?”

Patrick looks down guiltily before he mumbles his response.

“I asked Tashi to be our coach for next season, since ours is retiring.”

“When was this?”

“I don’t know, Wednesday maybe?” he looks at Tashi for confirmation who nods slowly, even though her eyes are locked on yours.

You want to be upset that he hadn’t told you, but you have no right to. You look back at Art, recognition flashes through his face. He swallows, looking around before you direct your gaze back to Patrick who’s already looking at you, brows furrowed.

“Patrick, I won't be playing tennis next season. I’m retiring”

“I’m sorry, what?” Patrick laughs, but there’s no humor behind it, his smile drops off his face when he realizes you’re not joking. “Why not?”

“I think you need to sit down for this” you say gently, a hand on his shoulder as he follows your directions.

He can feel his heart stop in his chest. He knew it couldn’t all be good. Just when he thought he was finally getting Art and Tashi back, you were going to leave him? He holds his breath as he tries not to cry. You look back at Art for barely a second before you speak.

“Pat, I’m pregnant” 

He doesn’t understand what you mean for a second. His mouth drops open and he looks back and forth from your stomach to your face. But it’s not him who speaks:

“You’re what?” Tashi’s voice comes from behind you.

“Pregnant” you repeat, your voice soft. “I only found out at the start of the week and I was going to tell you but I thought you had enough going on” you try to explain yourself signaling around you with your hands.

“I’m gonna be a dad” his eyes are wet as he reaches out his hands, one caresses your face, the other lands on your stomach softly.

You nod, a smile on your face as you realize he is not angry at you.

“Well I guess we’re even then, at keeping secrets” you can’t help but giggle softly at his words.

“No, there’s one more thing” you’re shocked to hear Tashi’s words and you turn to look at her expectantly. “Well, there’s a lot of things we need to talk about but I mean whatever the hell was going on on the court, at the end, when you finally served like a normal person” she finishes, pointing at Patrick who starts laughing almost hysterically.

“I just told him what you and I got up to last night” he says simply, as he shrugs his shoulders.

“What?” Tashi looks as confused as you feel, although it’s probably for very different reasons.

“When we were at the academy” Art starts. “I tried to bug Patrick into telling me whether you guys had slept together or not, but he said you had threatened him to not say anything. I told him he could give me a signal instead, like a loophole, and that signal was to serve like me. So when he did it today, I knew what he was trying to say”

“How is that groundbreaking news to you though?” you ask, brows furrowed.

“That his wife and best friend slept together?” Patrick looks back and forth between the two of you.

“You knew,” I say, still looking at Art. “You knew this happened last night so how was this news?”

“It wasn’t” he finally admits, a sly smile on his face.

“You knew?” Tashi’s mouth drops open.

“Tash, I love you, but you’re not particularly good at hiding your cheating” he says, almost playfully.

You get brought back to Atlanta, to Art’s face as he stepped out of the elevator, and you realize he had figured out what had happened then.

“I was shocked that Patrick would be cocky or blunt enough to actually tell me, I shouldn’t have been, but…” Art is now looking at you. “You never did… And Tashi didn’t either. But then I got hit by what you said last night, about figuring out our internal shit, about how you didn’t care if Tashi and Patrick slept together. I realized… I don't care either. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’d be pissed if she slept with anyone else, but you two… I’m kind of ok with it.”

You nod, smiling, understanding. When you look around the room, you can see Patrick smile too, Tashi looks determined. You almost can’t believe it. Your eyes meet Patrick’s and his smile turns even brighter, something you didn’t know was even possible. It’s everything the two of you have delusionally fantasized about. Everything you never really thought you could have.

“I think the two of you need to shower” you say, pointing between Art and Patrick. “Then you can come to our room and we can keep talking, but no funny business until then” you finish, an accusatory but playful look in your eyes.

The two guys laugh as Tashi shakes her head and pulls you out of the room by your arm. You are both leaning on the wall when she speaks again, her head firmly stuck looking forward, refusing to meet your eye.

“I’m sorry. For how I treated you after I got injured. It was not your fault, it had nothing to do with you. I wish I could go back in time and slap my younger self for being so fucking careless with the best thing in our lives.”

A watery laugh comes out of her mouth. When she finally gathers the courage to look at you, your eyes are already fixed on her. You’re biting your lip, fighting back the tears as you let a small smile spread through your face.

“Thank you” your voice comes soft, an almost inaudible whisper.

The two of you throw yourselves into each other’s arms. It feels different that it did at the game. There’s less adrenaline, more honesty. It’s just you and her, like it’s always been. It feels like no time has passed as you let her scent envelop you again, it’s the same brand she’s always used. And yet, your body knows it’s been too long, you feel like an addict who has been on withdrawal for too long. You don’t think you’re gonna be ok with ever letting her go again.

“I can’t wait for you to meet Lilly,” she says, her voice honest, “she’s going to love you.”

You let yourself cry on her shoulder and, as hers shake, you realize you’re not the only one with tears in your eyes. It’s so painfully obvious to you that nothing mattered. The time, pinning, suffering and waiting, none of it matters. It brought you here, to each other’s arms, to your boys. You would do it all again, a million times, if it always ended with the four of you walking out and into a taxi. Art and Patrick tease you and Tashi for your tears, you excuse yourself in pregnancy hormones and an exhilareted Patrick pulls you into him so he can kiss you. Art, from the passenger seat shakes his head and asks you to have some decorum, at least until you get to your room. You laugh, in the taxi and all the way up the stairs. You laugh, and cry and you’ve never been happier. It’s not perfect, but it’s exactly what you needed and you would never change it for the world. Yes, you think, it was all worth it.

[fandomwritingbit]

Hi there cutiepie

Thought I'd jump in to request

I was thinking like Michael Afton X reader after a fighr reader sleeps on the couch (sfw)

Ofcourse if your comfy writing that!! I did read rules so I'm hoping for it to be okay. (Also reader can be either female or gender neutral I don't mind either so I'd leave it up to you to decide with what you prefer writing)

Anyways darling have a nice day and don't forget to eat (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡

Ee this request is cute as hell. No one's ever called me cutiepie before, got me blushing over here 😘 Thank you so much for such a lovely ask.

I hope this is alright, I can never judge if this kind of thing is actually decent lol.

Anywhooo, michael x gn reader - Sleeping on the sofa (sfw angst with fluff)

"What do you mean 'no'- it's your turn!" your boyfriend interrogated, he looked more than annoyed, mocking how you spoke the word no.

You snigger as reflex, a little taken aback at how angry he was already, you'd only just walked in the door. You let your shoulder bag slide off and on to the floor, shruging sarcastically, "Mike I called you and said I was going to be late - I've had Hell on at work - you really haven't made plans for dinner?!"

"It's your turn." He reiterates, taking his eyes off you as he realised that he probably was in the wrong, but stubbornness making him double down.

"You could have ordered something- you really expect me to cook right now?!" As you spoke, you approach your boyfriend irritated, holding your watch up for him to see, "It's half ten, Mike. Half fucking ten."

He scoffed, "So what am I-"

Keep reading

"Find something, Mike. I swear to God." you hiss. You have to walk away from him to stop this from escalating because if he keeps talking to you so entitled you're going to snap. Well, snap more than you just did.

Storming upstairs, you go in a shower which does nothing to calm you down. In fact it does the opposite, making you more heated, replaying the look of 'hard-done-by' on Michael's face. By the time you're done and hop out, you decide you can't even look at him, grabbing your pillows and a blanket off the bed.

He appears whilst you’re mid action, opening his mouth to say something but it dies in his throat when you throw him the dirtiest look he's ever seen. "Fine." he mutters, walking straight past you into the bathroom.

You make yourself a nest on the sofa downstairs, hoping Mike knows to keep away right now, and eventually fall asleep with some tv show blaring in the background.

~

Laid in your usually shared bed upstairs, Michael tosses and turns. He felt guilty. Which he supposed was just, really. You had a long day and he didn’t even ask you how it was, just went off on you, took his stress out on you. And now the hunger-fueled anger had subsided, he was sober to that and the guilt wouldn’t let him drift off. 

So he got up, didn’t bother putting a shirt on and went downstairs as quietly as he could, trying not to disturb your sleeping form snuggled on the sofa. But seeing you there, you looked so sweet, your brows not furrowed like they had been earlier, your mouth not pressed into that tired hard line, he smiled a little just at the view before going into the kitchen and getting a glass of water. 

You woke up to the tap running in the adjacent room, the sound obnoxiously loud in the quiet of the house, you peer over your blanket waiting for him to walk back in, “Really? I was-” you start, but he puts his hands up in surrender, one holding the glass. 

“Look I’m sorry... About waking you up but also… earlier, I don’t know why I-” 

 You cut him off, sitting up to talk properly.“You were being a prick, Mike.” It was hard to keep your tone as mean as you wanted it at seeing the sheepish look on his face. 

“I know, sorry.” 

You crack, his apologetic voice working. And so, you scooch back on the cushions, making some room for him and lifting up the blanket for him to get in. Instead he scoops you and all your belongings off the piece of furniture, somehow making it look easy, and bundles you in his arms. 

You giggle, his arms tickling you. Though to be honest you’re glad to not be arguing anymore, even more glad to be able to sleep in your own bed.

[weirdestcornelius]

Considering recent events and posts I'd like to point out that this is supposed to be constructive criticism. Not bullying. Not anything else.

I don't try to "criticize" things Kc cannot control, such as the fandom. That whole Party discourse thing? That was me criticizing the fandom. Kittycorn squeakself has never made or alluded to any toxic ships. It was moreso me just being angry at the fandom for shipping a therapist with their clients AND ignoring Party's sexuality considering he's gay/achillean from what I've been informed. It was not an attack towards the ZCP or Kittycorn because they genuinely couldn't control these things if they TRIED. If anything, it's the fandoms fault for it.

I know that this comic is meant to be comforting for kit. The only things I've given constructive criticism for is is the way that disabilities are handled. And there's no way you can tell me I am "bullying" when I say that because I am literally a visually impaired person giving constructive criticism on how a disability that relates to MINE could be better handled in the comic. I love Sparklecare as someone who has experienced ableism from almost everyone around me. I think it's a great way to symbolize ableism and the way the healthcare system is inherently toxic and a breeding ground for trauma and assault.

I only made this a separate blog from my main because I figured people wouldn't want to see constructive criticism on my main. Not to mention that some people in the fandom (not blaming Kc or the ZCP for this) can really be white knights and decide that anything less than positivity for the comic is an attack against Kc. You can tell me this isn't true but I've seen people be called all flavors of slurs and even been told to harm themselves over this. And I'm talking about literal children having to put up with being sent these things. Regardless of the blog or not, I should NOT be scared of saying anything against the comic in fear of getting death threats. The fandom is getting bad behind the scenes and I do not blame Kc for that. Kit did nothing to deserve this. Especially all of those "criticism" blogs that aren't actually criticism, but just bullying the comic and tearing it apart. When I agree that SCH has its problems, all media does and we should simply acknowledge these without saying the entire comic is garbage because. It's not. It has gotten so many people, me included out of dark places and when I criticize it I always try to make it as constructive as possible because I genuinely love this comic and its message. It hits super close to home for me and I love to see the story and characters grow and change. This includes me feeling comfortable enough to give constructive advice on how disabilities similar to mine could be more comfortably portrayed. I have never and never will say that the comic or Kc are bad because honestly? The comic already treats (most) disability or disorders a LOT better than other media does. And that's something I praise it for. I could go on and on about the things I like about this comic and characters, like Creams AFRID being treated in a humanizing and positive way. As someone with food sensitivity, I am so happy to see it be painted in a normal, healthy way and not the characters making fun of it, as a lot of media does.

But loving something means you need to acknowledge its flaws. And Sparklecare has flaws, as all media does. That does NOT mean that you should make Kc feel bad about her own fucking trauma. You are not entitled to know kits trauma. You are not entitled to the characters identities. You can say something Upsets you, but that doesn't mean that it's inherently bad. Some things on this blog are just things that upset me. It's okay to be upset by things. But it doesn't mean that whatever upsets you should immediately be changed unless it is an actual problem and not just something that YOU personally do not like.

This turned out way longer than I thought it would, but I uh. Just wanted to get that out there.

[xx-alice-in-wonderland-xx]

Abby, Yara and Lev incorrect quilted cuz they are my children and I would die for them (with some other characters) xx

Abby: I really like Eminem.  Yara: I prefer skittles.  Abby: I’m talking about the rapper.  Lev: Why would you eat the wrapper?

Lev: There are three ways to handle a difficult situation. The right way, the wrong way, and the Abby way.  Yara: Isn't that the wrong way?  Lev: Yes, but it's faster.

Lev: It's locked. You got a lock pick?  Yara: Yeah-  Abby: *kicks in the door*

Abby: Okay, can we all stop saying stupid shit for a moment, please?!  Yara: Alright.  Lev: Hey, I-  Abby: SHUT UP!  Lev: I HAVEN'T EVEN FINISHED MY SENTENCE!!  Yara: It was bound to be stupid.

Lev: I woke up and chose VIOLENCE. I WILL COMMIT ARSON AND BURN EVERYTHING TO THE GROUND!!! I AM ANGRY-  Abby: Awwww, you’re so adorable! Give me a hug~  Lev: Wh-What? nO, yOURE SUPPOSED TO BE SCARED OF ME! TREMBLE BEFORE MY WRATH-  Yara, recording: This is so cute.

*Squad is playing Among Us*  Yara: I believe Lev is innocent, I was with them the whole time. Abby, what were you doing?  Abby: Oh, I was just murdering… I mean, nothing!

Lev: Thanks for not telling Yara what happened.  Abby, dumbfounded: I wouldn’t even know where to begin trying to explain this.

Abby, to Yara: If Lev doesn't say "I'm King of the world" within an hour on that boat, I will give you my next pay check.  Lev, within 5 minutes of getting on the boat: I'M KING OF THE WORLD!!!

Lev: Have I ever told you that I love you with my whole heart?  Yara: For the love of all that is holy, I am not taking you to McDonalds. It’s 2am!  Lev: Mean.

Lev: Five little monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and…  Yara: Was diagnosed with mesothelioma.  Lev: Mamma called the doctor and the doctor said…  Abby: You might be entitled to financial compensation if he or a loved one dies.

Abby: WHO ATE MY BREAD?!  Abby: I'M GOING TO FUCKING K-  Lev: I did?  Abby: Kiss you and buy some more, you haven't been eating anything today Lev.  Abby: *walks away*  Lev:  Lev: She’s gone Owen.  Owen, coming out the closet with bread stuffed in his mouth: Thank you!

Lev: I have a plan.  Abby: I have the hospital and Mel on speed dial.

Lev, on the phone: Uh. . Hey, Mel, i uh, I’ve been stabbed.  ABBY: WHAT? WHERE ARE YOU?  Lev: Wait- You aren’t Mel. Sorry- I didn’t mean to call you-  Abby: NO, WHERE ARE YOU? IM COMING THERE. IM NOT GOING TO LEAVE YOU ALONE AFTER BEING STABBED.

Yara: I'm very disappointed in you, Lev.  Abby: C'mon, don't get mad at Lev!  Yara: Abby, stop telling Lev it's okay for them to punch you! They need to learn not to punch people!  Abby: But I'm not a person!  Lev: Which is why I punched her!

Abby: *walks into the kitchen, ignoring everyone*  Yara: Hey, Abby, how was your day?  Abby: *picks up an onion and bites into it, staring at Yara* Hell.  Lev, watching this unfold: *whispers* Who hurt you?

Abby: Where’s Lev?  Yara: Around.  Abby: Around?  Abby: You don’t have any idea, do you?  Lev, dropping down from above: Did you know there’s a space above the ceiling?

Abby: Hey, Lev. Why did the chicken cross the road?  Lev: To get to the other side?  Abby: You were supposed to say “I dunno, why?“  Lev: Uh... fine. I don’t know. Why did it cross the road?  Abby: To get to the idiot’s house.  Lev: ...Ok?  Yara: Hey, Lev. Knock knock.  Lev: No.  Yara: You were supposed to say “who’s there?”  Lev: Fine... let’s get this over with. Who’s there?  Yara: The chicken.  Lev: Abby: Yara: Lev:Listen here you little shits-

Yara: Yesterday, I overheard Lev saying “Are you sure this is a good idea?” and Abby replying “Trust me,” and I have never moved from one room to another so quickly in my life.

Yara: Abby, just think about this! I’m your hottest friend.  Yara: No, that’s Owen… I’m your nicest friend.  Yara: No, thats Lev... I’m your friend!

Abby: I hate to to tell you this, but one of you was adopted.  Yara & Lev: Yara: Was it Lev?

*Lev is laying on the floor with their eyes closed*  Abby: Hey, are they sleeping or dead?  Yara, messing around: Hopefully dead, I hated them.  Abby, joining it: Yeah, me too.  Lev, sitting up: First of all, fuck you guys.

Lev: Abby, just think about this! I’m your hottest friend.  Lev: No, that’s Yara… I’m your nicest friend.  Lev: No, thats Owen... I’m your friend!

[tightjeansjavi]

I feel like I owe a lot of people in this community a personal apology, and whether or not those people ever see this, I just want them to know that I am sorry. As human beings we often make mistakes. We hurt people, we let our emotions get the best of us whether it’s intentional or not. The bottom line is I fucked up, and I need to hold myself accountable for it. What I said about dark!fic (dub con/non con) writers/readers back in May was disgusting, disrespectful and I cannot blame those individuals who removed me from their space. (They had every right to) I was angry. I was upset, and I was triggered. What I should have done was keep my thoughts to myself and processed them alone. Instead I not only made a public bashing post, I dragged other people into it with me. To my moots that I drained with my constant negativity, and shoving myself down your throats, I am truly sorry, and I will be working on handling my emotions better. To the dark!fic readers and writers, there is nothing wrong with what you write, and what you choose to read. Everyone is entitled to write what they want, and I am sorry that I felt like I had the right to bash you for existing in your own space. I’m sorry I spewed my hate and made you feel like there was something wrong with you. When in fact, there was something wrong with me for being okay with tearing down people who I don’t even know. I am especially sorry to @swiftispunk. Hannah, I am not sure if you will ever see this, but I am sorry I let my emotions get the better of me. I am sorry I couldn’t just continue to scroll past your fic and make the personal choice to not read it. You’re an incredible writer, and I had no right to drag you down just because I was feeling triggered.

I took a step back from being on here and writing because it’s consumed me to the point where it’s becoming unhealthy. I am fully aware that I look like a complete hypocrite for talking down on dark!fic writers months ago, and then getting excited about posting raider! Joel. I know it came to a shock to a lot of people, and while I have privately experienced a lot of personal growth with both writing and reading dark!fic, that doesn’t erase the fact that I still hurt so many people with my words. I cannot erase what I have done, but if I could take it all back, I’d do it in a heartbeat. All I can do now is continue to move forward, handle my emotions better, and treat everyone I interact with respect, kindness, and with their emotions fully taken into account.

I am not expecting forgiveness from anyone, but my only hope is that there is the possibility of moving forward from this.

Thank you for reading, and take care of yourselves.

-Gi

[lilydoesdrawsometimes]

A text post? From me? How strange... TW before you go ahead: This is a long rant. I swear a bit, and talk about some toxic stuff in the TSP fandom, and touch on some sensitive topics.

But no, really, I want to say this because I feel like it's getting more and more prevalent and I just feel like garbage every time I see stuff about it.

And first, let me preface that I understand where a lot of these people are coming from, I really really do, but honestly I think this is the shittest way to go about things.

What is this thing I am talking about? It's the "Yaoi" "Old man" "Clock 0ut ruined TSP" bullshit. Honestly it's got me so fucking irritated because this fandom has become one of very few things that brings me comfort lately.

And like I said I understand that representation in media is essential - skinny, white, attractive characters are literally what 90% of media is, we know this. So representation is important, essential, and everything when it comes to creators adding their stuff in. But that's where my agreement with that part of the argument stops.

90% of people are entitled to their ideas, their creations, their thoughts, all of it. They are an individual who absolutely deserves to express themselves and how they feel about something in whatever way they see fit.

Which is why we need to boost the ones who are showing minorities, who are showing a side that you enjoy - not just fucking shitting on the people who do the things that you don't like or who follow the majority.

You can bitch and complain all you want about the "twinks" and the "skinny white dudes" of the fandom, but you aren't going to stop it. Frankly all you're doing is making amazing artists and creators feel bad about the things they've done for no reason. You're bullying people who genuinely enjoy some media. Hell you're making me feel bad. And I won't say I'm not guilty of the "skinny handsome person" aesthetic or whatever, but:

Being in this fandom has genuinely improved my ability to draw more diverse and older individuals and has pushed me to improve on that.

What is making me not want to do art as a whole anymore are these fucking people constantly shitting on the other people in the fandom. It makes me not want to interact with their stuff, and I admire their things! I love them! But I don't want to see that shit, I don't need to see that shit. It makes me want to unfollow artists who create some wonderful things. Just because you have a certain take on media does not mean it is right nor does it mean that you are the only one who deserves to have any say in how things are made. You can be angry, you can not like media, it's okay to not like Clock 0ut and how it goes, but to suggest that someone shouldn't have made something that is arguably a pretty neat creation is ... sickening. You're literally gatekeeping what people can do because you don't like it.

You can argue that it hurts a fandom but honestly, other than the insane things I see on tiktok (Some of it IS horrifying, don't get me wrong) I have met many amazing creators that joined because of Clock 0ut who have the ability to analyze the depth of this game more than some of the people who claim that Clock 0ut has ruined it.

Not only that but they are wildly kinder people than those who constantly shit on others, people I'd rather be around.

Don't get me wrong I know Clock 0ut has spawned a lot of people who do a bit of harm to the fandom, but frankly that's going to happen with anything that becomes popular, it's just the way things are Look at Undertale...

I joined before I even knew what Clock 0ut was because of the dialogue and in depth nature of the media. I stayed because there are people who have encouraged me to be better, do better, and have become good friends of mine. I just think it's awful that this is becoming even more prevalent, and honestly I really just want to stop seeing it. TL;DR:

Fuck you and stop following me if you're just going to shit on people for enjoying media in the way that they do. There are bad people in every fandom, but just because someone doesn't do something the way you want them to does not mean that it is bad. Promote people who are doing what you want, and stop shitting on people doing nothing but enjoying something. Thank you if you read this far - I can't not say anything about it, especially when it's from people I respect or used to respect, and especially when it runs the risk of hurting people I care for or respect.

[chaos-in-one]

I wish ao3 supporters would realize people aren't just mad that ao3 is getting donations instead of them specifically

Ignoring how racist, ableist, classist, etc. calling people entitled for being angry a site that allows works that profit off their oppression is getting so much money while they're stuck struggling to get enough to LIVE is, because that's a whole different topic, it isn't just about that

It's about the fact that literal millions of people are not able to get enough to live off of and are struggling to survive, yet a site that not only allows morally repulsive content, but also has been stuck in its beta version for what, a decade now, despite the amount of donations, is getting so much fucking money.

Not only does the site allow bigoted content that actively harms minorities, while taking down any criticism of this, it also quite literally allows child porn.

And no, I am not talking about porn of fictional children, although that is also repulsive, there is nsfw content of actual fucking minors on there.

There's nsfw content of real fucking people, and not a small amount either, there's thousands upon thousands of works, and an entire Fandom tag for real person fiction along with tags (including explicitly nsfw tags!) about individual people.

I can almost guarantee you that if you look up almost any popular content creator or celebrity that's under 18 (or recently turned 18, make sure to check the date it was posted though there for whether or not it was written when they where a minor, although porn of real unconsenting adults isn't okay either) and find nsfw content of them. Sometimes literal thousands of works depending on how well known they are.

And you can insist that it isn't actually allowed there all you want but you can't convince me not a single person moderating the site has ever stumbled across any of the tags. That it's not allowed when thousands of these works have been up for literal fucking years and not a single thing has been done about it.

These are the reasons people are angry so much money is still being poured into the damn site. Not because people feel personally entitled to your money or because the evil antis are ~unnecessarily angry~ about your fictional content (although understandably people are angry about fictional content that promotes bigotry, sexualization of minors, etc. As well lol).

[iamthejinyouarethejin]

@angelxluhv

It's finally done darlin'! It's very sloppily written honestly TT So, if you'd like, you're entitled to another, but i think you'll enjoy it. ;0

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck-" He was railing into you. You could beg him to stop, plead even, but if he did, your body would ache and throb for him even more.

“You like that?”

“Y-Yeah…”

He groaned at the wetness of his own cock, now completely soaked in your juices.

“Can’t c-cum yet, princess.”

You shook your head in pain and pleasure, gripping at his wrist.

"No no no, beautiful. Wait for me."

“Please… Don’t-” He chuckled at your whines and lazily pulled out, tracing his tip, dripping with precum.

Despite his efforts not to nút all over you, his dick was becoming increasingly touch-sensitive by the second.

“Put it back in.”

“What?”

“You h-heard me,” you grabbed his hand.

“P-Put it back in.”

“Are you sure you-"

“Please?” You widened your legs a little bit more.

And that was too much for him to handle. He squirted right then and there, all over your belly and under your chest.

Endless white leaked onto your body, his pleas for forgiveness drowned out by meek disappointment.

“I’m so sorry…” He whispered.

“You’re fine. We… probably needed to stop anyway.”

“I don’t wanna make you feel-”

“Feel what? Like I didn’t get what I wanted? I’ll be okay.”

"I owe you."

"No, you don't. This wasn't right. Just pretend this never happened; that's easier."

He latched onto your wrist, pulling you into him.

“We’re here now. No one has to know.”

“Is that really even an option? Them not knowing? I don’t think so.”

“Listen to me-”

“We've both gotta get out of here, okay?”

“Please…”

“God- Why the hell do you think we ended up here in the first place? Because we liked each other? No! Because we’re angry and mad and needed something to take our anger out on.”

“So this was nothing to you?”

“Of course it wasn’t! I don’t have time for you right now, or ever for that matter."

"Ah, okay-" he shrugged sarcastically, shaking his head and running a hand through his hair. "You know what? You-"

"What? What? Say it! I'm listening!"

"Y-you-" It was no use.

"Listen... I'm sorry. I am. I'm sorry for roping you into this. I'm sorry for making you think that I-"

"Cared? Making me think you cared?"

"I do!"

"You just said you don't. And that's okay. I don't care anymore. I don't care, and it doesn't make any difference to me."

Your eyes burned with tears, your breath becoming hiccupy and shallow.

"B-But I thought... You- You said that you-"

"You're right. This was nothing. It was supposed to be nothing."

"I didn't mean that!"

"Oh really? I bet you didn't mean to send Dex those pics, huh?'

"I just wanted to-- I-"

"Don't... Don't start with me-"

"Fine then!" you spoke childishly through your oncoming tears, pointing an enraged finger at his face. "Go!" You swung your arm, biting your lip in an attempt to keep your tears from moving any farther.

"I don't want you here." You crossed your arms over your bare chest, shivering. "Go away..." Your voice was only a whisper.

He shook his head and slowly retreated in the opposite direction, toward his pants, but he could still hear her moans of appreciation in the back of his mind.

"You're doing so good for me."

Ah. He couldn't take it. He closed his eyes and thought about how flustered it made him when all she'd do was plunge her fingers inside of herself, making him wish that he could be the fingers. Her lips would be bright red from all the biting on it she'd done, and he'd just sit and watch as she'd become more soaked by the second.

But that's all he'd have now. Those little memories.

He wanted to stay, he could've stayed. But he messed up.

"Please go."

[callofdudes]

Is it okay if i share a lil rant? If not then feel free to ignore this!

So lately on twitter (X) there has been numerous commentaries/complaints from the same account named makarovmw or just Владимир Макаров as in user. They're essentially a porn addict like account that has been going around on multiple posts that sometimes talk about GhostSoap, their interpreted sexualities by various fans and this person has just been unhinged to say that least, arguing with others because they deem that 99% of the fanbase is all about GhostSoap, and how there is a lack of erotic sexy Ghost x Female OCs/YNs/readers. They essentially blame and insult people by calling them out that "just because I don't like Ghost x male doesn't mean i are homophobic" as per their words, whereas the understones they've been going on with their consistent whining gives me the exact opposite idea. Don't get me wrong i am a massive GhostSoap lover AND i also enjoy pairing Ghost with fem OCs and readers but i never went out of my way harassing and demanding that people bring out more Ghost x fem content, this porn addict of a person takes it to another level really. But the moment they said that Ghost would look hot with Milena all just to spite Soap i stopped taking them seriously. 😭

Hope this ain't too much but yeah, beware of some CoD "fans" y'all, they'll attack you unprovoked and unwarranted.

Ah yes, I believe I saw the post about what they said with Milena. And honestly I just hate it. Porn in and of itself has caused massive problems for both genders. Massive, massive problems.

I was around the fandom when GhostSoap was just a little ship and it wasn't as terribly hyped as it is now, but new people in the fandom are just... What the fuck.

I enjoy GhostSoap, but demanding work (as it sounds) from people or getting mad they can't find some very specific thing to get off to that no one else wants to make.

The way the brain works when people get deep into porn, or even just surface level, is they find something that interests them. Whatever that may be. And they stick with that for a bit until that same thing gets boring and they look for something else they could deam as exciting. It's really just a bottomless pit of sadness and it ruins a lot of lives.

Which consequently, when they get to the place where they need really taboo, lower produced things to stimulate them, they start to act like this. Getting angry and frustrating and demanding because there's one specific little thing that no one wants to do but they just need something. So they'll explode about it and make their predicament everyone's problem.

Now, some people are just assholes, this person is both. But porn has truly ruined us and ruins the brain.

Coming out in relationships as well where porn addicts have to think about something they watched when being with a partner because they can't be stimulated by regular passion and love. It's all lust and comes out in the form of anger and frustration when they can't act like a normal human being anymore.

If that person is looking for crazy stuff they shouldn't be going around Twitter (X) harassing people about it.

So yeah, those are kind of my whole thoughts. People are crazy and when it comes to things like this, the chronically being online and porn are to blame.

People don't get consequences on the Internet as much so they think they can do whatever they want. And artists putting their beautiful work of what they want to create out into the world does not mean that anyone other than themselves or someone commissioning them is entitled to their time and their resources.

Also, don't feel afraid to come rant, I also want to scream into the void like this but ranting to people sometimes gets it out nicely.

Keep supporting artists and don't be psychos ghostsoapers ♥️

[nowoyas]

Edible Arrangements 34

First - Prev - Next - M.list - Ao3

A/N: sorry this is running late! I had like three assignments due today and I've been in a depressive rut for like three months so I totally thought I just needed to edit a chapter and post it today. turns out that was the last chapter in my bank and it was only halfway written so AFTER taking an exam I haven't done any coursework for (and kicking ass fuck yeah) and writing a 1k word essay I also hadn't done anything for and also playing stardew valley bc of who I am as a person I finally got the time today to bust out the rest of the chapter! this is more lightly edited than usual due to time reasons. anyways rant over! here's the chapter!

Chapter Summary: Fuck yeah axe throwing and heists!

Warnings: uhhh hospital and knife mentions

Word count: ~2500

Holy fucking shit Tenya is insane. Holy fucking shit you love this.

Axe throwing. He took you axe throwing.

And holy shit, you’re living your best life.

The place does competitions between teams of two, and luckily, there was another pair hoping to fuck shit up on this fine Friday afternoon. They’re both younger, you think—at least, one is. The first, with bobbed brown hair, is definitely around your age—she smiles and waves as you approach. The other, you’re not able to be sure about, namely because she’s just some floating clothes. She’s invisible, apparently.

You wonder if you’d be able to see her features if she lied to you.

“Glad to see we’ve got another pair!” the brunette says as you and Tenya take point beside them. "This is fun, but I think it's a little more fun as a competition!" She's got a playful glint in her eyes. "I'm Ochako! And this is Tooru."

You nod. Tenya gives your names.

"Have you been here before?"

You have not. Tenya shakes his head for the both of you.

“Do you think they’ll be mad if I scream?” you ask as you inspect one of the throwing axes. “I’m going through some shit.”

Ochako laughs. “Go for it. Just try to make it sound more angry than in pain so they don’t freak out, and you should be good!”

Ochako and Tooru are great, as is Tenya. The girls give both of you pointers on good technique as the resident axe-throwing regulars, and you proceed to scream out your rage as you successfully hit a killshot on the target. It’s pure, violent delight, and even Tenya gets into it. By the time it’s over, Ochako and Tooru have thoroughly thrashed you (you silently write it off as the result of both you and Tenya having pretty heavily burnt arms) and you’ve walked out with both girls’ numbers and a group chat entitled “axing questions”.

And speaking of group chats, you haven’t looked at your phone except to get the chat set up since entering the axe-throwing venue. You almost feel light.

Tenya, for his part, is almost hands-off for once. Typically, he can't help but reach in to situations. You never fault him—it's who he's always been. But you can't say you don't welcome the way he's treating you now.

When at last you part ways with Ochako and Tooru, you return to shopping, and though the weird tightness in your chest remains at the thought of Tsuyu, you stick it out to go gift shopping for her. Her birthday's coming whether or not she pressed into something she shouldn't have, and honestly, by now you can't even remember what you were so upset about. You're just stressed about Izuku, is all.

Tenya takes you home when you've both secured your birthday presents for Tsuyu, and at the door, you pause. You wish you'd spent more time out of the house today. Confronting Izuku with everything going on is not something you're up for, and it's all you can do to hope he's still locked away in his office when you walk in. Tenya, sensing your hesitation, places a gentle hand on your shoulder.

"You're okay?" he asks.

You nod. "Yeah. I'll be okay."

"If you need to talk..."

He's watching you with this weird look on his face. Familiar. But weird. It's not an attempt to hide a lie, and anyway, you don't know why he would need to lie about offering help.

"Thanks. I'll keep you in mind."

"Um, [name]?"

He's still standing there as you pause with your hand on the doorknob. You wait, patiently, as he opens his mouth to speak, then closes it again.

"I... thank you for today. Truly."

"Are you alright, Tenya?"

He smiles. He doesn't glow. "Better than I have been in a long time. Don't let him worry you too much, alright?"

You smile thinly and nod. "Thank you for today. I think I needed this more than I realized. You've been distant since new year's, so I'm glad that whatever it is has cleared up. I don't think I could take you being mad at me, too."

He chuckles softly. "I could never."

He bids you goodnight, and you linger on the porch until long after he's gone, palm massaging a particularly itchy bite mark. The night air will be your comfort, if that is all you get to have.

~

This plan might possibly be ill-conceived.

It's funny; Neito never thought he'd question himself like this. Ever since his untimely death at the hands of his stepsister, he's been doing that plenty.

So now, every time he thinks back to tonight's plans, he finds himself preening. Smoothing out a shirt, then deliberately re-wrinkling it just to do something with his hands as he goes over it again and again.

"You're going to drive yourself insane like that."

He snorts softly. "And you're going to drive yourself insane worrying so much about me."

Itsuka leans against the door frame, hands clenched into fists. Normal-sized, thank god. "It's not like you don't give me reason to worry. I feel like a mother, and I'm not even out of college yet."

"Now, now, there's plenty of mothers in college. You know one of them, she brings her infant to our—"

She rolls her eyes. "I get it. You're obnoxious."

"Isn't that what siblinghood is all about?"

"Your guess is as good as mine."

He can work with standoffish. The words are coming easier to him. Even just the one session with Dr. Fuyumi seems to be doing its work well, given that he and Itsuka are actually talking.

"You do realize how stupid this plan of yours is, right?"

"Isn't it?" He smooths out the cotton undershirt over the table once again. "But I think it's all we have."

"Did you try asking her for the records?"

"What good would that do? If she said no, not only would we be at square one, but she'd be more vigilant. She'd know to keep an eye out for missing records, and she'd know who'd taken them when she noticed them gone. Like this, she has no reason to suspect anything."

She sighs. "I get it, but... this is illegal, you know?"

"A lot of things are illegal. But you know, many ethical theorists agree that the most moral action ignores the concept of justice in favor of—"

"Oh my god, do not talk to me about philosophy. Just... this is me, trying to talk you out of it. And if you and your friends get caught stealing the therapy records of one of your classmates, I'm going to tell the police that I tried to talk you out of it. So just, do me a favor and pretend like I've talked you out of it. If you go out and do it anyway, I don't want to hear about it. So if the cops ask, I'm not involved, you're my stepbrother and you're crazy and I honestly thought I talked you out of this stupidity. Got it?"

"Aw," he teases, "I'm glad to have your blessing."

The smack to the back of his head is well worth it.

~

The receptionist isn't cold, but she's not talkative, either. Hitoshi keeps his phone on his lap, waiting for the signal from Mina. Namely, for her to walk in through the door.

Tsuyu to Heist Crew at 6:32PM

Tsuyu: We're here. Hitoshi, heads up.

Hitoshi: cool. no cameras in here. I love patient privacy rights.

Tsuyu: I'm sure you do.

He glances up from his phone at the receptionist, who's hard at work with some stack of papers at her desk. One deep breath. Another.

This is for you.

"Hey, where's the bathroom?" he asks.

"Oh, it's down the—" She chokes on the words, face going blank.

Bingo.

Hitoshi: come in.

"Stay in your seat and close your eyes." A precaution.

The girls file in quickly, gloves already in place. Hitoshi snaps his own onto his hands.

"Give me your keys to the building."

The keys wait in her palm. He takes them carefully, and the trio strides into the back of the office.

It couldn't have been better-timed. Neito's appointment was the last of the day, which meant no distractions. No risks.

"Tsuyu, you check the receptionist's computer. Mina, with me. We're going to search the file room," he whispers. Several nods, and they're sliding down the hall.

Dr. Fuyumi Todoroki likes to keep files on paper. It was a nice quirk for Neito to notice during their first session: she wrote every single thing down. According to Neito, corroborated by both Mina and Tsuyu, you started attending therapy right around two years ago. Mina takes the filing cabinet labeled "2047", and Hitoshi beelines to "2048", to cover both potential years.

And it's easy. It's almost too easy. He finds a file with your name on it, calls off Mina and Tsuyu, and slaps the entire thing into the copier. With the copies in place, stapled, your file is returned, and then everything is locked back up. They slide out of the back, Tsuyu joins them, and then Hitoshi is handing the keys back to the receptionist. "Put these back in your desk drawer and close the door."

When she obeys, Mina and Tsuyu walk out with the copied file in hand. Only then does Hitoshi give his last command. "Forget you ever saw me or these two."

There's the subtle twitch of the expression, and then he walks out the door. When he's sure every sign of them is gone, he releases his hold and tells himself that this hasn't proven anything.

Hitoshi to Neito at 6:36PM

Hitoshi: hey, I'm going to wait at the cafe down the street. let me know when you're out of your appointment.

He pockets his phone. No sense waiting for a return text that won’t come.

The three of them hang out in said café as long as they can. Hitoshi nurses his coffee, watching with an approximation of amusement as Tsuyu does her damnedest to keep Mina from blurting about everything they just did. When a lull comes in the conversation, Tsuyu catches his eye.

“You’re a really quiet person.”

“I’m just tired,” he replies.

“Constantly?”

“Yes. Constantly.”

There’s a moment of pause, where she seems already to know whatever it is is running through Hitoshi’s mind. Honestly, he’s not even sure, until he’s saying it.

“It feels weird actually reading the notes we got,” he admits with a shrug.

She nods. “I feel like we have to. This won’t work if the notes don’t back up everything we say, right?”

“Not to be your resident killjoy, but we don’t know if it’ll work at all.”

“So we’re all clear?”

Hitoshi turns to see Neito, standing behind their table looking absolutely elated for someone who wasn’t even directly involved in pulling off their little heist. “Yeah. We got them. Get your vanilla latte or whatever and we’ll take a look to see if it’s any good.”

Neito pauses. “How did you know my coffee order?”

“Wow, that’s seriously it? You are easy to read.”

When Neito returns with his coffee, Hitoshi lays out the notes on the table. “We need to get our story straight with the notes. If even one detail is off, they’ll latch onto it and this whole thing falls apart.”

He wishes he’d made multiple copies of the notes. Luckily, Tsuyu and Mina needed a refresher more than anything, having been there, so the notes were mainly shared between Hitoshi and Neito as they laid out the details.

Regardless, they keep their heads down, their nose to the work, and they iron out every last detail until they’ve got a truth powerful enough to smash your thrall.

This better work.

~

You don’t know how long you sit on the porch. The night air is a comfort, and Izuku’s front door seems just so heavy tonight. So you sit. You breathe. You think of the fight with Izuku.

You don’t think you’re unjustified in wanting him to live. You don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask someone not to do something which might very well kill them, let alone to ask that of someone you care deeply for.

But… shit, you get it. He’s going after someone who destroyed everything he cared about. You have to understand that, and you do!

But…

You continue to turn the “buts” over in your head, passing them back and forth until you’re dizzy with the effort to just stop being mad at Izuku.

“I really hate this,” you whine into the cold.

“Aw, that’s too bad!”

A shrill giggle.

The cold isn’t just in the air now. It’s in your blood, in your lungs, in the glint of metal in the hand of—

A man. He’s tall, ratty-looking, with features you can’t make out in the dark. It’s just as well—they’re dripping away into a far more familiar sight.

You’re not sure if the scream leaves your mouth or stays viciously stuck in your throat.

~

“So then we’re seriously doing this!” Mina chirps as they stride out of the café at last. “[name]’s gonna get all her memories back!”

“Seems like it.”

“When should we go talk to her? I know she’s been kind of down lately, but—“

Mina’s phone rings. She takes it out, glances at the caller, and, brows furrowed, answers it.

“Hey, what’s up?”

Surprise on her face morphs into trepidation. Trepidation morphs into horror. If a girl with pink skin could go pale…

“W-where? I’m with most of the others right now. Everyone but Tenya, actually…”

A pause. A nod. Hitoshi hasn’t even tried not to pay attention since she answered the phone.

“But why did… why did you call me?”

“…yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. Okay. Um… are they… how are they…”

“No, yeah, I’m okay! Yeah! I… I have to be, right? This isn’t the time to be… You know what, all of you. Walk with me. Tsuyu’s car. Now.” She gives an urgent look to Hitoshi and the others, and they each go along with it. Mina doesn’t drop the phone from her ear until she’s sat in the passenger’s seat and everyone’s buckled in, and even then, only to give Tsuyu the address to a hospital.

“When do you think she’ll tell us what’s going on?” Hitoshi whispers to Neito, who shrugs.

“I’m sure we’ll find out…?”

“Izuku, listen. They need you to breathe right now. We’re on our way. Have you called Tenya?” A pause. “Okay, I’ll call him. Tsuyu, is his place on the way?”

Tsuyu nods. “He’s not far from the hospital.”

“Stop to pick up Tenya.”

Tsuyu nods, knuckles white on the wheel. Mina goes back to her careful attempts to talk Izuku through whatever’s happened. The others in the car just have to wait to understand, apparently.

As though that’s fair to anyone.

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[atopvisenyashill]

What Rhaella and Aerys were genderbent? Cause it seems unlikely that a male Rhaella would ever be friends with Tywin Lannister or make him his hand while female Aerys probably wouldn't be friends with Joanna or the Princess of Dorne. And I doubt Rhaella was at all obsessed with blood purity like Aerys was so Steffon and Cassana likely live, and a male Rhaella would most likely be a much more benevolent king than Aerys was and would not tolerate Rhaegar treating Elia so poorly and would be furious with the whole Lyanna thing.

okay huge caveat here that i am an angry working class anarchist at my core. but the thing you gotta understand is that

the prophecy still exists that the heir comes from aerys and rhaella's line

even second born, a male rhaella lives a wildly different and INFINITELY more privileged life than normal rhaella

a female aerys is not gonna be allowed to do the shit male aerys does

Female Aerys would absolutely still be friends with Joanna - yeah yeah Joanna was considered the ~love in Tywin, but Tywin is simply not gonna fall in love with a woman with no backbone, look at his own daughter and his sister for examples. Joanna was likely just as full of herself and probably still plenty cruel as a woman was possibly allowed to be. Loreza/Princess of Dorne might be a stretch due to Aerys' racism but a) we don't know why Loreza became lady to the Queen and b) Aerys was smart enough to realize that Dorne was politically useful even if he was racist about it, that's why Elia married Rhaegar (or one of the reasons anyway). Not a stretch to say girl Aerys has them both as ladies, which puts Elia and Tywin in boy Rhaella's circles. MAYBE however, you switch out Loreza for a Celtigar or a Tarth lady since they also have Valyrian blood.

But barring all that - even with a slightly more even temper and a less extreme reaction to Duskendale, a male Rhaella is born believing he is practically a god amongst men, that a prophecied hero will be born from his line, and that he is entitled to and owed his sister's body. That will do a number on ANYONE especially if he's being pushed by his much more paranoid sister into doing stupid shit. I think a male Rhaella is likely to be a very middling type ruler on par with like, the Viserys' or Jaehaerys II. Not bad, not good, just kinda there. And since even our great Aegon the Unlikely couldn't keep his brats in line, it seems unlikely Rhaella will keep Rhaegar in line. If BOTH of them are obsessed with the prophecy? Bad news. Even if Rhaella disapproves of Rhaegar kidnapping the daughter of a Lord Paramount, she is NOT about to declare the crown prince a traitor. Look at the way Viserys II dealt with Aegon IV literally attempting to rape Naerys to death.

I'm not saying Rhaella is a bad person, but Rhaella is very much informed by her suffering, her gender, and her circumstances. Ultimately, Rhaella decides to crown Viserys in lieu of brokering a deal with the Rebels. So ultimately, a Rhaella without a history of being abused on the basis of her gender is likely to act like any other monarch would when faced with a Rebellion no matter how valid - crush it! She's not gonna burn Rickard and Brandon alive, but when faced with the decision of choosing between her lords or her heir and the very sanctity of the crown to be able to do what it wants, she's gonna choose the crown. The rebellion is probably less of a violent conflict under her, but my money is on a lot of unrest - and no way in FUCK are Robert, Brandon, and Rickard gonna follow Rhaegar after he made off with and forcibly impregnated Lyanna. I truly don't think the Rebellion can be avoided; put off for a while maybe, turned into a less violent conflict. But ultimately the Lords - and even some of the smallfolk! - are sick of the Targaryens and their weird ass ways. Aegon IV and Daeron II actively tried to make things better and several wars started over this. That's just how monarchies are - eventually, those bitches get their heads chopped off and its a miracle it doesn't happen sooner.

[voiddemon]

I don't mean to sound rude, I love your skirfluff content, but why does kirby seem so jealous of their relationship? wouldn't he be, at the bare minimum, a little supportive?

TUMBLR.COM DELETED THE ENTIRE RESPONSE I WROTE ON DA WAY HOMEEE okay here we go again. This one's much shorter and not super in depth. btw ur not being rude by asking i loveee to talk about my headcanons.

Kirby isn’t jealous of their relationship, kind of! It’s a whole complicated mess. To clarify before I begin I am an Aro-Kirby truther and many of my headcanons have been robbed from the Kirby guy(Kaissauce) who u can find easily 99% of the skirfluff posting were my post and his.

TLDR: Kirby is upset at being 'replaced', doesn't understand why Shadow Kirby 'deserves' Prince Fluff, and Shadow Kirby is still being an asshole to him.

I won’t go into all of it but Kirby, before they start dating, sees Skirby as a lot of things. An insociable, rude, blunt, ungrateful, hateful, self-loathing clone of himself. Big emphasis on CLONE OF HIMSELF. He thinks he has it easy since nothing is actively threatening the mirror world, and the only thing he really has (from his view) to be sad about is DMK dying. But he was super evil anyway so yeah. Skirby also hates him in turn, and they kick each other’s shit in every other month or so.

Prince Fluff is, however a dear friend of his. Not his closest but he's definitely important to him, especially since Prince Fluff is also kind of a lonely guy with not a lot of friends like Shadow Kirby.

So when they're friends at first he's kind of happy for them, until they start getting actually close. Seee here's the thing. While Kirby can handle not being someone's top priority, or that someone wouldn't go to him for certain things, he can't handle that happening with Shadow Kirby. It makes him absolutely confused and angry, since what does Skirby have that he doesn't? In his mind he's automatically a better friend than Skirby, especially for Prince Fluff, since they have a lot more in common.

Also having to essentially share Prince Fluff's time when he tries to get them to get along is agony, since when he and Skirby inevitably argue/fight and Prince Fluff often takes Skirby's side. Before they start dating the fact that it's Prince Fluff is barely a factor, it's just Shadow Kirby having a similar role in one of his friend's lives.

HOWEVER once they start dating everything gets wayyyy worse. It comes with a lot of fun confusing questions and new wounds. Here's a list:

Why can Skirby feel romantic feelings when he, the original and REAL Kirby, can't. (Is he faking it for since he doesn't want to hurt Prince Fluff, or (he doesn't really think this, but it crosses his mind) is he just playing Prince Fluff for the benefits? Is something wrong with Kirby for not feeling romantic feelings?)

What does Skirby have that makes him more worthy of Prince Fluff's time than Kirby's? Why does Shadow Kirby get to be a bigger priority in Prince Fluff's life? (He's also taking away Kirby's time with him, since Fluff is naturally going to spend more time with his boyfriend than his friend)

Shadow Kirby and Prince Fluff dating makes them a team, often poised against him as they don't take kindly to people trying to get between them or split them up.

Skirby basically stumbled into dating a very nice Prince who could do a lot better without going through any trials or tribulations. While Prince Fluff has to put up with so much for little return.

Skirby is actively rubbing salt in his eyes by shoving their relationship in Kirby's face.

Also edited to add he, in a way, feels entitled to Prince Fluff since he's more real in a sense than Shadow Kirby. Also they've known each other for longer, and Skirby didn't safe Fluff's life. This isn't something Kirby has fully realized himself, since if he did even he'd realize that's fucked.

Shadow Kirby is replacing him. While he and Prince Fluff weren't romantically involved, he was one of the most important friends in Fluff's life. Kirby isn't used to being replaced by anyone, let alone Shadow Kirby.

SO essentially their relationship causes a lot of problems for him. And every time he sees them happy together it reminds him of those stinging, open sores. Even though he probably is happy that Prince Fluff is happy, it makes him envious.

Also a tiny tiny part of it is, for Prince Fluff's sake, Shadow Kirby starts acting like the bigger person. Which is usually Kirby's thing when they have disputes. He also generally starts developing a healthier view on their relationship as being a clone/not clone, while Kirby is stuck in the past thinking of Shadow Kirby the same way because it's easier to him.

Them being homogay directly challenges his views on the mirror world, his friendship with Prince Fluff, and his own identity. So yeah while he's probably a little supportive sometimes and can look past his issues with Shadow Kirby to be happy for Fluff, those times are the exception and not the rule.

He gets better with time but it takes. YEARS of avoiding the problem and making things worse by arguing with and killing Shadow Kirby (i just ended a 2 year relationship don't worry it wasn't mine).

so yeah kirby suffering on patchland and in the mirror world until he. gets over himself??? idk best way i can put it

[iguessitsjustme]

The Promise - Ep 8 Thoughts

-HAH. Look at Nan and Party sleeping together limbs entwined. Suck it Phu you deserve this pain. 

-Phu and the dramatic sad music. I don’t care - WAS HE TRYING TO BURN THE LETTER? Gaslighting piece of shit. May all of your coffee beans burn when you roast them from now until forever since you seem fine with burning things that shouldn’t be burnt. 

-Party > Phu. Party is an actual adult ready for an adult relationship and is able to communicate. Phu never progressed past his teenage years and has continuously lied to and ghosted the man he claims he loves. Phu doesn’t love Nan. He loves the idea of Nan and the idea of himself with Nan. 

-I love Party because he says what I’m thinking. And he’s the only one that holds Phu accountable. Not just to Nan but he holds Phu accountable to himself as well. 

-Good looks can’t make up for your shit personality, Phu. Nan is truly too nice. And definitely too good for Phu. 

-Okay here’s the thing about Phu’s Granny. She’s a good person and I like her but she enables Phu and lets herself take the blame for his hurtful actions. Being supportive also means letting Phu face the consequences for his actions. Whether they’re positive or negative consequences, Phu needs to face them. 

-Oh so Dina is telling Nan for Phu because he hasn’t said anything himself. 

-Nan being mad that Phu went back on his words to live with him. Now he’s forcing the issue. I’m glad he’s standing up for himself here but I’m upset that Phu will get to live with him because I hate Phu in case I haven’t made that painfully clear. 

-Oh so Phu gets it from his Granny. She should not be keeping this from him. Her friends are right. She’s depriving him of his ability to choose. She’s depriving him of his ability to spend as much time with her as possible. He did almost exactly the same thing to Nan (minus the illness). The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. 

-Dear Nan, please cook for me instead of Phupha thank you.

-I take that back he should absolutely cook for Phupha. Phupha deserves this monstrosity. 

-Happy birthday you asshole. I hope this food poisons you. 

-Phu, what makes you feel like you’re entitled to Nan’s answer to Party? Go away I hate you

-There are times I wish y’all could watch these shows with me because I have a very expressive face.

-Oooooo I LOVE this new addition. Khunkhao baby. Be the spark that makes Phu fix himself. Make him be the reason he needs to work for it. Oh bless I’ve only had him for 3 seconds and I adore him already. 

-I am evil cackling. EVIL CACKLING. This is the BEST. I fucking love Party. You know he’s going to enjoy Phu’s pain. I love that for him. 

-I appreciate the show’s commitment to Nan matching Gie Gie’s colors every day. Truly best friends. 

-Stop having a moment with Nan. Phu I hate you. Thank god it’s over. 

-I fucking love Khunkhao. Since I know Nan and Phu are endgame (unfortunately), I’ll go ahead and ship him and Party. 

-Every time Phu opens his mouth I become irrationally angry. I have no sympathy for Phu.

-HOLY SHIT ARE THEY BROTHERS??? Fuck me I didn’t see that coming but I should have. 

[whoslaurapalmer]

gomens!!!! season 2!!!!!!!!!!! a collection of thoughts

-first of all. mother of goddamn fucking mercy, david tennant -his FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -he was out there putting his whole entire BEING in this role and good for him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! holy shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! goddamn

-related i loved crowley getting angry in ep1, that was gorgeous

-aziraphale the. landlord. LANDLORD??? -would aziraphale have charged rent in the first place? -he has no need for money vs keeping up human appearances vs he's petty but not like. landlord petty -show!aziraphale, though..........................

-idk. hold on i'm gonna say this now -i feel weird saying........'i might not have agreed with this choice' like especially weird here about this particular show because. -can i say i didn't dig a particular choice made by the man who co-wrote the book and co-wrote the episodes based on the book he co-wrote -like, i think that's just, entitled of me? or something like that. -but also. am allowed to disagree with neilman.

-like. the opening scene was Interesting (-also goodness is crowley not just the doctor in that scene. like damn. where's that post from a couple years back that was like 'david tennant knows his niche of playing near immortal beings with an attachment to a sentient vehicle, and can't drive' or whatever -anyway crowley really is just the doctor, living under different circumstances) -clearly there was time before eden, like, that's been very firmly established in all canons, otherwise when would crowley have fallen -i just didn't particularly. care to see it? -i think, crowley and aziraphale meeting in eden in particular, under those specific circumstances, under that discussion of ineffability vs free will, who did "Right" and who did "Wrong", was important, and -i felt like that was just being rehashed, here -and sometimes that vibe is important to continue -- do i think it was adequately addressed in all ways in s1? -- but sometimes i thought we were just doing the same sort of vibe over and over. and i wasn't sure if i liked it or not, if i thought it was narratively important or not -but!!!! the opening scene in ep 1 also matters a great deal for how ep 6 turned out.

-and there's also..............book!aziraphale+crowley and show!aziraphale+crowley are operating at VERY different spots on a character arc, this has been discussed before, even by neilman i think, and the tone of the show and what the scenes discuss are going to alter based on that

-like. there's stuff i disagreed with or just plain didn't LIKE in the first couple episodes -- then between watching 2 and 3 i accidentally saw spoilers for episode 6 -- and i was like, oh no, i don't like that. what the actual fuck, i hate it. that makes no sense. -- but then i got to ep 6 (and i had read a few meta posts in the meantime bc they kept coming up on a doctor who blog i check regularly) and i was like. it's. fine? it worked out better than i thought it would, actually. -so going through my original notes while i was watching to type them up is like. well i didn't like that. but i see why it was important.

-so now i'm like. well that initial ??? feeling went.......nowhere? cause i guess it's..............fine? hmm. and now i do not know how i feel about it as a whole. idk.

-like!!! i really didn't care for the extra backstory. like i just. i just didn't particularly care one way or the other about watching those scenes, they were just, meh to me, really. and i still feel meh about them, even in saying, yeah i guess that mattered to where they wind up -idk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! just. idk.

-ANYWAY!!!!

-you know miranda richardson was a choice, not complaining it's just very funny??? that she was madam tracy and now she's shax

-OH SHIT AND NINA WAS SISTER MARY LAST SEASON?????????

-okay but this is TERRIBLY funny, aziraphale just going 'we just gotta make them fall in love!' y'all. aziraphale. do you hear yourself.

-every day has really grown on me, hearing it so many times. find myself just casually humming it. although it's one of those songs that my brain insists on crossing with another song it thinks sounds similar, which happens a lot, so i also kept imagining it as, accidentally in love during the first few episodes.

-me, thursday night, after watching 1+2: did they just donna noble gabriel me, typing up my notes right now after watching it all: .............you know what, you could kinda say they did, in a way

-i have. little to absolute zero knowledge of any religious canon. quite frankly. but i do idly wonder about, the, actions and thoughts of god vs the actions and thoughts of the angels -oh especially with metatron!!!! if the metatron is supposed to be 'the voice of god' -but there is that stress in the book and in s1 about, they don't know. that's the thing, the angels and the demons don't actually, legitimately, 100%, know whether or not what they're doing is legitimately what they SHOULD be doing re: god and satan's actual wants in terms of existence and earth and fate -but we do see a little of that with job and quite honestly i wish i WAS up on religious canons to have more thoughts for that

-SPEAKING OF JOB!!!!! that was peter davison??????? i had no goddamn idea. i do want to go back and rewatch that -ty was an absolute terrible delight as ennon, what the fuck. oh my god.

-i had NO IDEA OR INCLINATION WHATSOEVER that crowley's apartment was hell-appointed. -seeing little analysis posts of people going 'aziraphale you have to see that crowley is LIVING IN HIS CAR and yet GABRIEL GETS A ROOM IN THE BOOK SHOP, THESE TWO HAVE NOT COMMUNICATED A SINGLE THING IN THE PAST FOUR YEARS, OR THE PAST ABSOLUTE AGE' by god. yeah. ugggggg :( -he's just living in his fucking carrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

-oh oh i loved muriel, oh my god. muriel, you sweet little bean -i love the scene where muriel is in the bookshop and muriel is mostly cast in the light from the window and aziraphale is mostly cast in shadow, i loved that

-i love that aziraphale keeps a diary. that's so fun

-people have pointed this out in doctor who as well about tooth and claw, but the difference between david tennant's actual accent and the accent he does as characters pretending to be scottish

-CROWLEY CAN FEEL WHEN THE CAR IS DRIVEN UNDER THE LIMIT????? HE CAN FEEL THE BENTLEY????????? -look. -look. -i'm not saying it but i'm thinking it. if he can feel the bentley and someone in the bentley. god. can someone please go write the fic. -no i don't know where on earth that sort of scene would take place in canon especially given that the two of them clearly have Very Little Concept Of Physicality With Another Human-Shaped Being, do not BOTHER me with petty details, it NEEDS TO EXIST and i don't have the time to do it by god please someone do it

-i can't say exactly what i mean by this like if pressed i cannot give examples but sometimes there would be dialogue and i'd go, ah. that's finnemore -cabin pressure is still top tier, okay.

-oh many people have said this by now but THAT CROWLEY'S IDEA OF ROMANCE IS SHELTERING FROM THE RAIN -crowley. -crowley.

-so getting shot or getting blown up would've discorporated them but crowley ingesting laudanum just. makes him drunk -you know what. i'm gonna say this one is on me bc honestly for atwq reasons as well i should read about laudanum

-nooooo god they were so cute in episode 5 - 'can i watch? <3' - 'YOU GAVE AWAY A BOOK??' - 'we don't dance.' TONIGHT YOU DO, CROWLEY

-that aziraphale's idea of romance is dancing............ -how many angels can dance on the head of a pin -AND THAT HE WANTS TO DANCE WITH CROWLEYYYYYYYYYY

-i love nina's. it's not genre awareness, but it's..........plot awareness? shenanigans awareness? something like that -speaking of nina and maggie though i was rather neutral on them as well like. no real feelings one way or the other

-'rescuing me makes him so happy.' !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -i love threatening!aziraphale a great deal. -see there's also........about aziraphale -i think it's easy to get aziraphale wrong, from a fandom standpoint. he's not a character i have any inclination to try and write in a fic honestly because i think. he has a great deal of layers in him. i mean not like an onion but. oh this thought is getting away from me -i just mean like............i think the one thing i would want to keep in mind is, aziraphale is just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing, that's key -and you have to balance that with him being an angel. and a bastard. and an angel. and a bastard -and i think there's lots of different ways to interpret those things into a fanfic and i don't know if i've ever seen it done................just right -like. in the of course fandom classic demonology or the tri-phasic model of trauma i think a lot about aziraphale being described as like............having such a severe kindness aubrey thinks of it as a KNIFE. and like a knife that he is wrapping in gauze in order to interact with her because he knows she is so unsettled by his capacity for kindness. -and i always roll that around in my head and wonder if i really, truly agree with it. because i think. yes. but also. no. -and show!aziraphale and book!aziraphale ESPECIALLY are at very different ends of Aziraphale In General -sigh. idk.

-'i haven't always been a demon. and they never change their password.' oh that was DELIGHTFUL -okay but see also. re: crowley -i've brought this up before but i think, when i first read gomens when i was..........16?? ish???? 15?????????? i didn't think a great deal, if at all, about crowley being technically a 'fallen' angel or of him having. any great angst about it, and that reading, pretty much stayed with me for a long time -but like, i get where it comes from? the angst? -i mean. there would have to be some feeling there, quite frankly. -i just thought a lot more about 'sauntered vaguely downward' which i think you can take at face value, or, as covering it up -idk all of this to say, sure i'm coming around to it. that line was particularly fun

-about the second apocalypse i was like 'ohhh this is what crowley and aziraphale meant by like. the end of the world wasn't the big thing, is the big thing is heaven vs hell' -and then metatron said SECOND COMING and i was like OH, SHIT, THOUGH

-'it's a container. it's bigger on the inside.' are we sure we aren't just watching doctor who -i.............guess i liked beelzebub and gabriel more than i thought i would -i appreciated THAT extra backstory, bc otherwise. that was. i mean not necessarily out of nowhere -- we do know angels and demons, besides crowley and aziraphale, negotiate with each other bc of hastur and michael with the hellfire and holy water -- but also would've been still. out of nowhere -!!!!! that it's like!!!!!! it IS that easy!!!!! to just be with your person, and want to be with them!!!! and it's NOT AT ALL that easy!!!!!! and it is!!!! and it isn't!!!!!! -that you have to give up Something, probably. but that what you get is. love. and it should be so easy to just walk hand in hand away with someone and be with them (-and also. that sometimes it's going to take work. you're not always ready right away, with nina and maggie) -and the other point here is like. the ultimate end here is not a fight between heaven and hell. that will go nowhere. and maintaining status quo isn't sustainable either, things are constantly changing, the only way forward is genuine discussion and collaboration and. maybe sometimes love. -and also that beyond aziraphale and crowley's STUNNING LACK OF COMMUNICATION...............they can't leave earth. (i mean aziraphale does but bear with me) gabriel and beelzebub have no stake or interest in human beings. but crowley and aziraphale have been there the whole entire time. they stopped the apocalypse for somewhere selfish reasons but also because they've got a personal duty to earth and what they love about it. as well as each other, but also, earth and humans and comforts and. all these other worthwhile things -and it's where the two of them are, too!!!!!!!!!!!!! aziraphale's book shop, crowley's car, a place where the two of them always are. always come back to. always have. -until it's not. :(

-'nothing lasts forever.' -aziraphale!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -my GOD

-the kiss really is, terrible to watch and that's like. that is the point, i do agree with the posts that say that -it's not supposed to be romantic bc it's NOT a romantic moment at all, it IS very sad and desperate and embarrassing and. heartbreaking. soul-crushing. i watched that whole scene with my hands over my face from the agony of it all. -and they really never have. done anything physical or physically romantic like that before, why would they have? as an angel and a demon and with THEIR STUNNING LEVELS OF AVOIDANCE AND NO COMMUNICATION -so yeah, by the time we got there, i was like, no, i get where you're coming from. i see where this goes with how show!aziraphale stands. he clings a lot harder to.........an idea of Goodness in a way that hurts him and especially crowley, and has more of a......loyalty? an at the end of the day sort of loyalty to heaven that is more surface for book!aziraphale

-quite frankly i don't intend to seek out any fix it fic because like.........this isn't the kind of thing that is, say, successfully, fixed, in a, fix it. like.............this is the sort of thing that's gonna be agonizing to try and repair between the two of them. and that, i'm looking forward to, i think. -and like, even if aziraphale wanted to get out of the elevator? if he wanted to change his mind? (which, i don't think he does? he's so upset he's avoiding everything else and just COMMITTING to this.) he CAN'T. he knows he can't. heaven would absolutely not let him out of that elevator to go back, now that he knows what metatron wanted him for.

-oh i always forget derek jacobi is metatron!!!!! look at him go!!!!! coming in, getting a little coffee (i love the 'has anyone ever asked for death?'), ultimately being such a fucker. i LOVE him. -bbc really does have 3 actors, don't they. -i know it's just that good actors find their way around and literally everyone has shown up on doctor who. i mean, you can do this with classic who, too! onslow my bone-idle beloved from keeping up appearances shows up somewhere along the line in trial of a time lord. -it's just fun to joke about :)

-i think a big thing existing here is also..............no one knew what to expect out of a second season? because we got all of the book. even if the sequel had existed in vague plans out there in the universe, just unwritten, the only one who knows what's in there now is neilman. as an audience we didn't know what to expect -and a lot of things happened in this season!!!! a lot that people WANTED!!!! and then all of it ended in a VERY UNEXPECTED HEARTBREAK -that does track with the rest of the season -but is also. not at all what anyone thought would happen, in a season 2, in any way shape or form -and i'm still rolling it around in my head. will be for a while. would like to watch s1 again. and reread the book again

[cookinguptales]

You deserve so much better, and I'm sorry people have treated you this way for any reason. It's especially ridiculous in the context of "differing opinions about the quality of a show/season finale/creative choices," but you absolutely should not have gotten any of these comments for any reason. I love reading your work and your thoughts, but I fully understand if you don't want to share any of that again. There are things I have never posted and likely never will, entire creations that I'm never going to share, due to this exact phenomenon. Online creations, from meta to fic to everything else, are a delight and a privilege, not a given that anyone's entitled to.

You deserve better, and you have the right to share as much or little as you want. Please do what's best for you.

Thank you. This is really kind, and I appreciate it.

Honestly... like, I keep trying to not make a big deal out of this, but it feels so shitty. I know that right now I'm flaring and that makes everything seem worse than it is, but I can't tell you how demoralizing it felt to be unable to eat anything for like 24 hours, then actively pushing my dislocated fingers back into joint and looking on my phone and seeing a paragraph about what a fucking idiot I am. I just wanted to straight-up cry. This is the first time I've ever turned off anon asks, and I've gotten some real doozies over the years.

At first I felt better when I realized it was fewer people than I thought who were angry with me, but I think it's finally sinking in that there were people who hated me so much that they sent me messages for months. I don't get it! Like... I don't think I'm a particularly awful person. Not perfect, to be sure, but I try to be as nice and patient as I can be online. What the heck is so bad about me that I inspire people to follow me around for months?

It feels bad, okay! I'll admit it, it feels bad. I know we're supposed to act like we're above getting our feelings hurt by trolls online, but all this feels weird and bad. I don't like it.

I know that I'm going to keep posting my thoughts again eventually; I think I'm probably physically incapable of shutting up. My thoughts just bounce around in there driving me nuts if I don't get them out. I keep telling myself that there's a significant amount of people who do like me and do like my work and don't feel the need to send me mean comments, I reiterate, for fucking months. Sometimes that does make me feel better, and so did this ask.

idk. I'm just feeling very tired rn. Sorry to be so whiny but I'm just. Really tired. I don't know. I wish I could keep food down. I'm sure that would help my mood. But there's a lot of things I wish, I guess, and all I can really do is curl up with this heating pad and watch people build houses or something.

(...I find watching things getting built to be very soothing. lmao)

Anyway, kind of sucks when your comfort show that you usually turn to when you're stressed is one of the sources of your stress! :')

[gcldfanged]

Sorry I haven't been here, two of my aunts that I despise are visting and stressing me out (one of them literally tried turning me against my family when she SUED US for firing her shitty ass husband who stole from our business, she lost the court battle btw because she was full of shit), they both basically just abandoned their own father to die and suffer in early onset alzheimer's and dementia, so myself and my family were paying for all of his care and socializing with him on our own- i was working AND going to college at the same time. They both did NOTHING to help and even dodged his attempts to see them 'one last time' out of fear and selfishness.

One of them is just lazy and entitled and sedentary and doesn't take her diabetes seriously (she doesn't test or blood sugar or use insulin and eats like a pound of chocolate that she FORCED MY MOTHER TO BUY HER while we were gift shopping) and chain-smokes. She literally took like ten steps outside and claimed she couldn't continue to walk on the trail because of her diabetes, but was perfectly okay to like eat almost an entire apple pie during holiday dinner (in addition to like eating CONSTANTLY throughout the day) and drink six whole bags worth of my coffee in a single week. She also doesn't know how to do ANYTHING, she tried to open a mustard bottle with a KNIFE.

The other won't fucking shut UP and is loud, loves to pretend she's the center of attention and is 'so funny' while keeping her also loud ass phone notifications on so she can ignore us mid-sentence to talk with all her 'friends' and dementia-addled husband who refuses care.

One of my aunts won't leave because she's 'visiting all her old friends in Cali' while eating up all our food and forcing my mother to sleep on a couch, the other won't leave because she 'lost her confidence' after someone side-swiped her on the freeway here and doesn't think "she's ready" to fuck off back to Oregon yet.

I had an extreme manic rage episode and immediately had a come down where I became acutely suicidal, so I've been in emergency contact with my psychiatrist and am trying stronger meds to try and deal with this situation from hell.

I just don't have the spoons to write right now. I want to, I love you guys and I want to come back, but until this old bitches vacate my home, I'm in a constant state of elevated stress and annoyance. The only way 'down' from that is being slightly LESS stressed/annoyed/angry. Imagine feeling that way for like 2 weeks straight and getting no sleep on top of it and that's basically what I've been trying to deal with.