#I AM A MESS THESE DAYS I AM SORRY

[stars-etc]

The Wizard, The Witch, and The Wild One

[the-kipsabian]

saw a take so fucking rancid on twitter i almost deleted the entire app from my phone jesus fucking christ

first of all ao3 is an archive site. this is like going to the library and saying "oh i dont like this" on every piece of media you find that you dislike and thinking they should be stamped with some sort of a marker just cause you didnt like it

you can always click back and leave. fic writers owe you nothing to explain themselves and their creations. if they have mistagged or miscategorized fics, then i understand, however there are report tools for that instead of yelling at the artist tbh

im not saying free works arent necessarily above criticism. but this is just. fucking wild. its common courtesy to just enjoy stuff (or fucking leave if you dont, the back button is free) and if the artist specifically asks for critiques, then give one - constructive that is, shitting all over someones work is not proper criticism, mind you

i just find it fucking wild people are treating art and archive sites as social media these days like this and everything needs to be policed and ~catered to the algorithm~ like. no. ao3 doesnt have an algorithm. you should be able to fucking tell what you like and what you dont like and steer away from that kind of content and let people fucking be with their art. they dont owe you anything (except trigger warnings i'd argue, but i know some people disagree with that as well for some reason), and imagine how much more energy you'd have if you only engaged with things you liked and spent time looking at instead of going to places where you dont enjoy yourself. let alone spending time telling other people you dont enjoy what they enjoy. what a fucking life

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Assisting Acquaintance Acquired.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[kikker-oma]

[egophiliac]

We ARE going to bring up Captain Amelia. You have good taste! GOOD TASTE I SAY! *aka I just rewatched Treasure Planet and got hit with, "Oh yeahhhhh... that explains a lot!"*

honestly, the Meg/Jasmine/Amelia trifecta tells you 90% about me as a person. (the rest is covered by Sailor Jupiter and Sailor Uranus and, uhhh, I'll stop baring my soul to the world now)

and speaking of Amelia, this is tangential, but like -- there's one Twst comic I have been kicking at for a while where I needed an RSA sports/flight teacher and, uh, well

someday I will wrangle this stupid comic into coherency and she'll get to make an appearance (in the background of a single panel, half-obscured by a tall hat) (but I will know she's there and that's the important thing)

[jesseepinkman]

would be able to make ones for just like base ttpd and then the anthology sperately?

yep!

ttpd // anthology // ttpd+anthology

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

i don't know what order to start Dissecting, so i'll just start with:

it's absolutely fascinating how the dynamic Wally & Barnaby had - to my knowledge - before the update, and a dynamic i'd seen speculated elsewhere and generally accepted, has been completed turned on its head

see, given that Wally is the "main character" and Barnaby is classified as "his best friend", i got the feeling that Barnaby kind of... tags along on Wally's 'shenanigans'. that he's the sidekick, the best friend. especially since their dynamic has been previously & briefly described as "Barnaby is very polite to Wally." he's the Companion.

but the audios sorta paint a reverse picture. in the Interview, when Barnaby enters stage right, he completely bowls over Wally's introduction and dominates the interview. when the interviewer asks how the two of them are handling the fame, even outright asking Wally, Barnaby doesn't hesitate to answer the question himself, and only about himself. Wally doesn't get another word in edge-wise until the interviewer explicitly singles Wally out.

(now, an argument could be made that Barnaby knew that Wally was somewhat overwhelmed with all of the questions, and tried to take the reins to give him a reprieve. but, considering that the interview seems to be very early on the possible timeline - like, very soon after Welcome Home debuted - i don't think this is likely. i doubt Barnaby and Wally would've had the time to solidify their dynamic or really get to know each other that well yet)

and Barnaby continues to take point in pretty much all of their other conversations, too. like in the mystery Howdy/Barnaby/Wally audio, their interaction gives off the vibes that Wally is Barnaby's sidekick, his tag-along.

(on a related tangent, it's fascinating how the website described the episodes as "[beginning] with Wally introducing the focus or theme for the day before coming across other characters who would join him on his escapades until the end of the day." but from pretty much everything we've seen so far, it seems like He's the one who's just along for the ride, bouncing from neighbor shenanigan to neighbor shenanigan instead of having his own adventures.

of course, if the 14 audios are present time, which is honestly somewhat likely, this could be because the show isn't running. they aren't doing episodes - they're just existing, doing their things. no need for Wally to take point in any way shape or form. tangent over)

in the 14 audios with Barnaby, he doesn't even acknowledge Wally until the very end - which, of course, could be because that's how the scenes are set up. except that in some of them, the characters do directly acknowledge Wally's presence outside of the endings. Eddie in 5-14, Howdy and Poppy in 1-14, and Frank in 4-14 (technically, since he was infodumping to Wally at the very start before Barnaby interrupted). you'd think that a guy would try to include his best friend a little more!

maybe i'm reading into it too much. & given what we know about Wally as a character, it would make sense for Barnaby to be the go-getter Main Guy of the two. but it really seems like its Barnaby & Wally instead of Wally & Barnaby. he's just kinda... there. going along with whatever Barnaby is up to.

but also, on the other side of things - & it's occurring to me as i type this, it's interesting how in a lot of audios, Barnaby seems to seek Wally out. in "Just So", he shows up to fetch Wally. in 4-14, Barnaby interrupts Frank and Wally's gardening session, almost as if he's stopping by to check on his little buddy. in 7-14, Barnaby calls Julie's house (presumably) searching for Wally, or at least checking in once again. something to consider in all of this!

[stormyoceans]

LINE READING SO DEVASTATING I NEED TO DIE ABOUT IT

[wortverlust]

out of nowhere...but yeah....urgh >_< HI everyone, how have u all been doin'? (:

reference under the cut:

[ramblingoak]

Messy haired Copia is what we all deserve right now.

[kyouka-supremacy]

I fucked up

[angeart]

How dare Link correctly predict my reaction to teases, how dare (<3) YES I wanna know what prompted the upset, what well meaning thing went so wrong D: And that bit about still hoping to be loved breaks my heart for them

-🎀

the bit about still hoping to be loved broke my heart too, and that's why i needed to include it <3

so, about hermits wanting to help them. one smaller example is them taking a look at scar's tattered wings and suggesting that maybe they could help fix them. which is good!

but this comes after scar having his wings like this for about a year, and it took a long time for him to learn to accept them as they are. he's no longer ashamed of them, seeing them simply as a part of himself now. (the same way his scars have always been)

and, sure, he will still take a chance at having them healed, but it still rubs him wrong, in a way. even though it's a kind, well-meaning offer. because it proposes that he needs to be fixed.

but a whole big issue stems from something else.

we know scar and grian have changed.

grian, in particular, flinches a lot and seems scared. scar, on the other hand, often shields grian, and calls on his vex traits to intimidate the danger away, showing he's not afraid to fight. (he is afraid. he's constantly afraid.) and they're both awfully codependent, clinging to each other and isolating from everyone else.

[1,7k rambles and ~3,2k rp snippets below the cut]

one of the things they leaned into in that other world was their hybrid traits. and they show in the way they interact with each other, you know? the way they express trust and love and know what the other one needs.

well, scar is a vex.

we know there's a mating bite, but that's not everything. him and grian indulge in a lot of biting and blood related stuff. all consensual! grian is a little freak so he likes it!

it's something the two of them do, privately and intimately. it's safe, it's fun, it's theirs. them being insanely in love and ready to give all of themselves over. lose all of control on both sides, at least for a moment, in a world that hardly allows such a thing.

but here's the issue: the others don't know anything about any of it. they don't know what scar and grian have been through. they don't know anything about vex instincts or mating rituals. they don't understand anything about this new thing.

so when they see grian timid, bruised and bitten? and they know that scar seems more violent now, sharp-fanged and clawed?

let's just say they get concerned. and stage a bit of an intervention.

they just want to make sure that grian is okay! it... should be a good thing. except they've separated them and are now cornering grian, asking all these questions and voicing all these assumptions. and it's a bit awful, actually.

grian is pressed into having to explain that yeah, actually, he wanted all of that. that it's love.

but him naming the so obvious damage love just rings more alarm bells. and maybe someone asks him if it's a form of self harm, to allow that to happen to him? like, if grian seeks it out, is it self destructive? is that why he craves it?

and sort of, him and scar spiral about this in different ways.

grian struggles with untangling his way out of it, because what if they're right? what if he subconsciously sought harm? but he liked it? is it wrong to enjoy it? he knows that he had his moments when he was actively trying to bring himself damage. mostly aimed at his wings—plucking out his feathers and such. but is this just another thing like that? a substitute damage of sorts? was he just oblivious this whole time?

grian never had a previous relationship experience, so he really can't tell what is love. where does it end and Something Bad begins? he associates the bites with love, but is that bad? is he wrong? would it feel different if someone else showed him that love is something else? did he just manipulate himself into feeling like this and now he's in too deep?

at least he knows scar would never hurt him if grian says no. if grian doesn't want it. but... if grian wants it... is it self destructive? is that what it means? or maybe he was just chasing the aftermath? the soft care (that scar'd offer regardless)?

his mind is a mess and he can't figure out what his real feelings in this all are. he doesn't know how to figure it out. he gets really confused and worried and scared. (he's terrified that they're right, not necessarily for himself, but because of what that'd do to scar.) (he's scared that scar will blame himself over this. that no matter the outcome, this is inevitably going to mess something up between the two of them.)

in the meanwhile, scar feels like a monster. like maybe he was doing something wrong this whole time. was he enabling something horrible? was he genuinely hurting grian this whole time, unaware?

because he's a vex, and it makes sense to want this on his end, but grian is an avian, and... maybe scar should've questioned it more? shouldn't have been so eager to indulge? did he do something irreparably cruel without meaning to?

through this all, he reassures grian it's okay to take a break from it, or even to completely stop. it's fine! it's always been fine! but despite that, their feelings continue to spiral, caught in a maze they can't escape.

it used to be so simple. back in the vex commune. scar never had to doubt himself and the way they express their love. not when it came to this.

and now suddenly it seems so different. so vile and wrong and horrible. people are genuinely concerned and scar and grian wonder, separately, if maybe they're right to be?

... eventually they both hurtle towards a breaking point. and scar decides he needs to talk to someone about it. and grian decides he needs to be alone for a moment, becoming overwhelmed, needing some space to think.

i really want to tell you about what happens in the talk scar has with the others, but i can't. not quite yet.

anyway, this is where the breakdowns come in. (yes. multiple.)

first is scar's during the conversation he has. he gets to hear a lot of good, wise, reassuring things, but ultimately, he still needs to hear from grian. he's been trying so hard not to influence grian's conclusion to all of this, but. he needs to know grian's thoughts, once grian is ready.

grian is not ready. he's been growing so emotionally worn out from all of this, so volatile and fragile. it's all a bit Too Much.

scar messages him, checking up on him.

are you okay?

and

i'm here waiting for you whenever you come back

and

but i'll come find you if you want me to

and

i love you

... but here's the thing, right? neither scar nor grian are used to comms anymore. so grian doesn't read any of that.

they regress back to what they know.

scar howls.

grian chirps.

and only then does scar's comm ping.

come.

zero hesitation, scar unfolds his wings and jumps off the balcony, rushing towards where that chirp came from. he's being called. he's being wanted.

he'd go anywhere for grian.

he finds grian perched atop a tree. struggles to climb up, but never falters. because grian's now starting to cry, and scar needs to be there.

tucked safely into scar's gentle, loving arms, grian breaks down.

--

with a hitched sob, grian falls forwards into scar's arms, burrowing easily into the warmth and familiarity and security.

he wants to say he's sorry. he's sorry this is so hard for him. he's sorry he can't untangle this; sorry he can no longer tell which are his feelings and which are just things people have suggested he might feel. he's sorry he's making this so difficult. he's sorry he's worrying everyone.

but words evade him as scar's arms provide just enough safety for his guards to crumble lower, making him just sob instead.

--

and believe it or not, somewhere in the midst of this (hey do have a proper talk, if a bit tear-drenched) is scar's second breakdown. (grian's time to hold him!!!) that's where the rp snippet in the previous ask is from. and you'll get more of that in a second.

first i just need to tease the aftermath, because i'm a menace.

after crying and comforting their hearts out, they fly(!!!) back. there's immense relief to wind in grian's feathers, and a dangerous edge of the feeling of freedom it brings, wanting to soothe all the cracks on his soul... but the truth is, his soul is still cracked. and he's still depleted. he knows he's still hovering over something so incomprehensibly fragile. that the smallest prod will set him off and break him again.

they arrive at their nest—scar first, to warn their company not to ask questions, grian second.

it doesn't stop it from happening. grian was right: the smallest thing can set him off.

so he has another breakdown, possibly a bigger one, drawing on far deeper hurt that screams and tears at his heart. and plunges all three other people in the room into breakdowns of their own <3333

(yes that's the part we can't talk about. yet.)

aNYWAY!!! how about some rp bits.

---------------

SCAR

Despite Grian’s crying being entirely contagious— or perhaps Scar is just simply too empathetic and emotional himself— Scar’s had practice with consoling his sweet bird. He knows what he ought to do here. 

He tightens his hold until it’s snug and secure, then pressed a few little kisses to whatever part of Grian’s head he can reach.

And then he talks.

“I knew you’d be up in a tree somewhere.” His voice wobbles a bit, but it’s alright. “I wanted to give you some time… I missed you though. Like immediately.”

He chuckles softly, knowing their bond borders on codependent, even if it’s something they’ve worked on since they’ve gotten home. Still, it’s okay to poke fun at it, he thinks. It’s okay to admit the truth.

--

GRIAN

grian's sobs quiet down a little as scar talks, energy redirected to hook into the familiar rumble of his slightly quivery voice, sniffling as he listens to what scar has to say. 

it's sometimes hard to decipher the meaning of sentences when he gets like this, but scar doesn't seem to expect an answer; he's not asking him anything, and grian's grateful for being given time, a grace period where he can just cling and cry and calm down while scar holds him. 

he laugh-sobs at the note that it was obvious he'd be in a tree. he's given scar a lot of hard time in the past until he figured out that lesson, but now he always knows unfailingly where to search when grian's heart needs him after cowardly isolation.

he comes every time. he comes and he finds him and he holds him. 

grian sniffles, despondent, burrowing tighter in. he chirps a little to encourage scar to go on, to keep talking; the sound of it is shaky, about to fall apart to pieces, but he thinks it still counts. it's still something. a participation, not leaving scar stranded and alone in this.

--

OK LOOK WE HAVE TO SKIP AHEAD HERE BECAUSE [REDACTED] REASONS

--

GRIAN

grian hums again, fond and soft, slumped against scar with utmost trust. and then he finally says it. "'m sorry."

--

SCAR

"Hey, none of that, mister," Scar says, shaking his head into Grian's hair in more of a no than a nuzzle now. "It was a lot, it's okay. You needed a moment."

He places another kiss.

"And you knew I'd be here in a heartbeat when you were ready, right?" Scar grins sheepishly.

--

GRIAN

grian's hands trace idle patterns on scar's back as he gets comforted by words and another kiss. he closes his eyes, taking it in, before replying with a soft little "yeah."

-- 

SCAR

Scar purrs at the affection, openly so. "Doin' a little better now?"

--

GRIAN

grian nods, still right against scar, clingily pressed into him. "yeah, i... yeah."

--

SCAR

Scar doesn't budge, not interested in releasing his darling bird just yet. "...what's on your mind?" he prompts softly, hoping to get a glimpse at Grian's inner turmoil.

--

GRIAN

with eyes still closed, grian lets the pause linger just a moment, before replying with a quiet but honest, "right now? how nice this feels."

--

SCAR

Scar chuckles again, a little anxiety getting settled by that fact, though certainly not all. "Oh, well that's good, yes. I agree with that sentiment entirely."

--

GRIAN

"good," grian purrs, squeezing at scar. "'coz i don't wanna lose it."

--

SCAR

Scar's ears twitch, something awfully depressing in those few words. "Hey, no, never," he assures. "This is never going away, okay?" 

Since he seriously doubts cuddling is about to give anyone the wrong ideas.

--

GRIAN

grian has to swallow several times for his feelings to not go off the rails again. he takes a shaky breath, still squeezing at scar, as if he was afraid he might disappear. "... okay."

--

SCAR

"And neither am I!" Scar tacks on, even if it should go without saying. Even if it may be a little dramatic. But he thinks maybe Grian needs to hear that fact stated with absolute certainty. "I love you too dang much."

--

GRIAN

that gets grian to loosen his grip a little, enough to shuffle and look up. hair messy and eyes glistening and red rimmed, he looks up at scar with so much aching adoration, it feels like he might drown. 

"i think it's okay if— if we love each other in our own way," he says sheepishly. he ducks down, laying his head on scar's shoulder, feeling shy as his hands go back to tracing patterns on scar's lower back. "even if the others don't understand or agree." there's a precipice of a pause, and then the most timid little "... right?"

--

SCAR

Scar's heart stutters, and his ears flick up again with carefully optimistic anticipation at Grian's words. His eyes threaten to flood over again, but the tears feel different, more cathartic, less miserable. 

He tucks his head over Grian's again, brushing his cheek over his locks affectionately, daring to release a few hopeful tears as Grian says what he desperately hoped he might. 

"I..." he starts, still trying not to influence this decision if he can help it, but... "I think so. ...I mean it's—" He thinks of [REDACTED], and chuckles wetly, morphing them in his own Scar-silly way. "It's not really anyone else's business what we do in the bedroom, is it?"

--

GRIAN

grian's hands still against scar's back, simply holding him for a moment as he soaks up scar's nuzzles. there's wetness to them, something that makes grian's heart ache as he worries about all the possible meanings, but hopes against all hope that it's just scar getting positively emotional—a relief of sorts above all else. 

a small strained chuckle makes it past his lips, and he muffles it into a kiss that he presses into scar's shoulder. "right. exactly."

--

SCAR

Scar weakly smiles, giving Grian a squeeze. "...but seriously, I— you know it's okay if we stop, right? If you ever change your mind— and I mean your mind, nobody else's— then it's fine! But... I... yeah." Another squeeze. "I just want to be sure you know that."

--

GRIAN

there's a barely stifled sigh, but no hint of tension pools across grian's back. his hold remains still and gentle, his head idly leaning on scar's shoulder. "i know," he murmurs.

--

SCAR

"Good," Scar states, ducking lower so his forehead presses into Grian for a moment before releasing just enough so he could escape the big bear hug if he wanted. “... you know, [REDACTED]”

--

WE ARE ACTUALLY TAKING ANOTHER LEAP, ANOTHER SKIP, ANOTHER SCRIBBLED OUT SECTION. bear with us <33

--

SCAR

[REDACTED VERY REDACTED] “I mean, I had to learn all this vex stuff, too. It’s not… I mean it’s certainly not the most family-friendly sort of culture but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong, does it?”

--

GRIAN

grian blinks at that, lifting his head in attention. this really surprises him, for some reason. that [WOO REDACTED AGAIN WOW] 

"oh." he takes a moment, leaning slightly back, inviting scar's touch a little bit further. "yeah... yeah, i think he's—" he bounces the words around in his head again, then settles on: "it's a learning curve every way, isn't it? whenever there's new instincts and..." he skirts around the words mating rituals, feeling a faint warmth rise up to his cheeks. he looks away briefly, teething at his bottom lip as he thinks of all the worries he himself used to have, all the mistakes kane made, all the effort and talking and correcting it took for things to finally have it all sink in the proper way. 

he clears his throat, shyly looking back at scar, but then his gaze anchors and softens. his hand travels up from scar's chin, brushing through his hair, tucking a strand behind his ears. "it's not wrong."

--

SCAR

“It’s not?” Scar asks meekly, even though he was the one to propose so first. To have Grian confirm it is so much more important. Because even if they can agree it’s not wrong for Scar to have sought out these things, ultimately he wants it to be right for Grian as well.

Scar chews at his lip nervously, but still tilts toward the offered affection, absolutely weak to it.

--

GRIAN

"mmm." grian lets his fingers brush through scar's hair again, gentle with him at every step. "it's not wrong," he repeats softly.

--

SCAR

Scar opens his eyes, both of them glistening with potential tears, but he offers up a weak, wobbly smile, appreciating every graze of Grian’s fingers. “…is it— it’s not wrong for you either?”

--

GRIAN

grian takes in scar's expression and he leans in for a short kiss. "it's not wrong for me," he murmurs, right over scar's lips. 

and maybe he still feels confused, and maybe he still has some exploring and figuring out to do, just to really settle things in his heart, but he knows scar will be there with him every step of the way. just like he knows that [REDACTED] is right—scar is good for him. 

and he wants all of him.

--

SCAR

The tears fall alongside a pitiful little chuckle, but Scar leans right back in for another kiss, not caring at all for the wetness that streaks down his cheeks. 

They can match now. It’s fine.

“I… I’m—?” Scar falters, and he laughs again, ducking his head down in slight embarrassment. He can’t even bring himself to say it. To even imply that he was worried that he was wrong for Grian. “…okay.”

--

GRIAN

the sight of tears breaks grian's heart. still keeping one arm around scar, hoping it'd make him feel close and secure, he lowers his other hand from scar's hair to his cheek, gently collecting the wetness even as scar leans in for a kiss. (one that grian gladly gives.) 

even though scar doesn't finish his question, grian can connect the dots. he remembers the time when he himself thought he's not good for scar, and he knows how awful and heavy that self doubt was.

with utmost tenderness, he kisses scar's cheek, right in the path of wetness, while his fingers gently brush the tears on the other side. "scar." it's quiet, reverent. irredeemably loving.

he pulls away, wanting scar to look at him as he says this. his wings twitch, brushing over scar's, curling inwards towards him. pressing against scar's sides under scar's wings as grian lets go of his back in favour of cupping his face, thumbs brushing over cheeks.

"scar, you're good for me."

he strings up the words, slow and deliberate and certain.

--

SCAR

It’s Scar’s turn to break again, clearly, as his eyes water over and big, wet tears fall down his cheeks and collect over Grian’s hands. He doesn’t even have words to respond with, just wide, grateful eyes and wobbly lips that can’t decide between a cry or a smile. 

His hands also find their way over Grian’s, though one escapes to run his own thumb over Grian’s cheek in turn, still feeling the dampness there. It’s oddly comforting.

“…sometimes I worry the hermits don’t think that,” he admits, gaze flicking away as he tries to keep a strong facade. (Hard to do while he’s actively crying, but it could certainly be worse.)

--

GRIAN

"oh, scar." grian sighs, heartbroken, brows pulling into a pained frown upon hearing that admission. he can hardly bear this, knowing scar's been made to feel like this.

he leans in to press a kiss to his forehead, wings slinking further along, wrapping around scar right underneath his vex wings. he wants to cocoon them into warmth and safety, away from these treacherous feelings.

the hermits managed to somehow break both of them down, with nothing more than good intentions.

grian hates the uncertain, askew feeling that pushes bitter bile up his throat, telling him maybe they're not quite right for this place anymore. that they forgot how to belong, but nobody has caught up yet and still expects them to be their selves that they can no longer reach.

“you know [REDACTED I AM SO SORRY]” he attempts a smile, though it's hard. he tugs at scar, wanting to pull him in for a hug, tuck him underneath his own chin, all safe and protected, but he leaves it up to scar whether he wants that or needs more breathing room right now. 

"maybe they need time. i... i've been hiding away a lot and. honestly i don't think they can tell what's good for me anymore. not right now." it's hard to admit. "even if they mean well." but well-meaning that hurts both him and scar is just meddlesome. 

maybe they needed this though, in a way. it would be better if it came from a different place, subtler, gentler, but still. maybe they needed to work through exactly these feelings.

"anyone who says you're not good for me will get smacked," he threatens, remembering scar's (and kane's) offers to bite people who look at grian wrong, in a way returning the favour. "'coz they're wrong and they have no business spewing nonsense."

--

SCAR

Scar gladly takes up the offer to be smothered in affection, and he boldly chooses to corporealize his wings fully and gently tug them around the base of Grian's, knowing well that wing-on-wing contact is almost always acceptable. And right now that sort of thing brings immense comfort to him, too. It's something they both share, after all. A pair of wings and a pair of patched up hearts.

"I know they mean well..." Scar whines into Grian's chest this time, and though there's no cozy shawl to bury himself in, it's just as comforting. "but they don't know everything, and... and I know that's mostly on us, but god it's just... it's so much sometimes, Grian." 

It's not exactly pleasant to recall those memories. To try to explain just how horrific it was to their old friends. To look them in the eyes and admit that they're different now because they had to be. (And how they still hope to be loved despite it all.)

--

GRIAN

grian wraps scar up in his arms, holding him close. one hand in scar's hair, the other sliding down between his shoulderblades, rubbing at that point between his wings, unaware he's copying exactly what [REDACTED] did earlier.

the pressure of scar's wings over his own helps him settle a little, gives him comfort and courage through this glass-shards of a conversation.

"they don't know everything," he echoes quietly, kissing the top of scar's head before he leans his cheek on it, cradling him. "i just wish..." he closes his eyes and tugs at scar, holds him a little bit tighter. he doesn't really know how to finish that sentence; all the words feel like they're crashing and splintering over sharp cliffs.

all that's left in the rubble is a weary sense of defeat. "it is so much," he agrees. "it's so tiring to... they expect us to be..." he doesn't finish any of his sentences, but he wonders if scar understands anyway.

--

SCAR

Scar understands perfectly. He nods softly as he listens, lulled in by those soft touches, tears drying as he lets Grian’s presence fully engulf him.

“…they expect us to be the same,” Scar finishes for him, certain that Grian’s had the same trouble he has, though perhaps to a different degree. “And… maybe we won’t ever be. But… I don’t think all the ways we changed are bad. Like— sure, we’re still messed up and jumpy and… and I mean, frankly traumatized, but…” There’s an effort to poke his head up, but Scar finds himself too reluctant to leave the comfort of Grian’s arms just yet. “We’re also in love. And… we have a new appreciation for life. And each other.” A half-sniffle, half-chuckle gets stuffed into Grian’s chest. “…is that too sappy?”

--

GRIAN

grian chuckles mirthlessly at the list of things they suck at, their reactions and trauma stitched close to them like their shadow, endless and monstrous, looming behind their every step. but scar is right: they have changed in so many messed up ways, and they might never be the same, but... it's not all bad. 

"we're in love," grian echoes, a notch lighter, just a little bit amused that the list of dark things ends with a complete shift, plunging them into sappiness. it's such a scar-like thing to do; he's aware of just how bad things have gotten, but that doesn't mean he won't fight to dredge up every little optimistic and hopeful thing out of it anyway.

grian loves it. it's gotten him through many dark times, this quality that scar has. his tenacious way of thinking and latching onto bright things, even if it's a barely flickering flame amidst complete, terrifying darkness.

he kisses his head again and then nuzzles against his hair, humming. "it's scar level sappy," he replies, mulling it, before landing on: "which means it's perfect." 

the only time scar's level of sappy is too much is when he's flustering grian, but he's not going to point that out, in case scar takes it as a challenge to compare the two right here and right now. (he'd be capable. grian knows.) 

he rubs at scar's back again, humming a soft melody, wanting to calm him further. but there's one thing even he can unearth from the ashes, something written into all their stitches and scars.

"we survived." 

nothing can beat that. no matter how they've changed, or what they can now see in a different light.

they made it.

"and we're good for each other."

--

SCAR

Scar giggles at the term. Scar-level sappy, indeed. His own brand of optimism, wrapped in layers of insecurity but boundless levels of adoration. 

And it got him this far, didn’t it?

“We survived,” Scar repeats, because that’s so damn important. They survived. And they did it because they were together.

Because they’re good together.

“…the power of love,” Scar adds, soft and sentimental and maybe just a bit goofy, hoping to turn the tides from tears to mirthful laughter.

--

GRIAN

once again he gets grian to giggle in a fragile moment—a talent scar has and grian values. in retaliation, he shifts his hands, brings them much closer, until he can tease at scar's ears. 

"we survived, so now i can do this!" his cheeks are still wet, and he feels depleted from all the heavy emotions, but he still manages a grin as he tries to make scar squirm.

--

SCAR

Scar barks out a fit of genuine laughter, somewhat startled by the shift, but he can’t complain when his lips are suddenly tipped into a bright smile and his ears are flicking wildly at the affectionate abuse. 

“Hey!! No fair! I’ve been so gentle!!” he cackles, already shedding that mercy and tickling at Grian’s ribs.

---------------

aaand i'm going to end on this note (because you know it devolves again. we're good at making things fall apart repeatedly <3 a great angst loop if you ask me.)

but, i'm going to leave you with a little bonus. which is what me and link talked about today. on this same topic, really.

which is how scar changed. hermits know him as the guy who dies a lot, right? also easily distracted, carefree, easily dissipating into giggles, easily brushing things off. all of that.

he could get startled by a fly. he'd yelp and stumble and fall over when he got scared.

but that other world forced other things on him. it forced him to be brave, or at least, to seem like it. forced him to fight to keep himself and grian safe. fight for them both to survive.

now when he gets scared? there are wings and claws and fangs.

he couldn't show weakness in that world, you know?

and it sticks. it sinks its talons into him and holds.

the only person he shows weakness around is grian. and... maybe if he'd been willing to show it more around the other hermits, they'd see that he's still scar.

that he's still scar and he's hurting and afraid.

(yes blame link for this heartbreak brb sobbing with u)

also. a potential conversation:

someone saying to grian (while scar is also possibly there): "scar came back... wrong."

grian angrily counters with "no, scar came back different but not wrong."

and then

quieter

"... i came back wrong."

because, think about it. scar changed, but it can be argued that some of it is better and he's just being misunderstood. but grian? grian can't imagine any good coming from how he's now.

he didn't grow braver or kinder or stronger or any of those things. he just caused [REDACTED]. he's a scared, hurting mess. there's nothing good about him now.

as link said in our discord dms: scar needs to scoop grian up and remind him that he's here for the whole ride. he'll be here while grian learns to heal.

because he will heal.

[anemic-kazutora]

No one mourns the Wicked

If you like Kisaki, I automatically like you, just so you know.

I wanted to make a point about how, to me, it is obvious that his thinking isn't actually healthy, that there is something we are forced to overlook because of the narrative that makes Kisaki's reasoning about Hina make sense in his own head. By this I mean that there is no way someone as smart as Kisaki would pursue the plan he concocted if not for the need to desperately fight against something, which, I argue, would be loneliness, and the feeling of worthlessness that comes when you realize that your efforts mean nothing if there is nobody to acknowledge them.

Kisaki liked Hina, she was his childhood crush, but also so much more than that, because she was the first kid to ever treat him nicely and not like he was some subhuman weirdo because of his aptitude in school. She was the only one who showed the willingness to accept and welcome an outcast like him, not in spite of his perceived weirdness, but because of it- and this is where I argue that Kisaki is most likely neurodivergent, whether one agrees or not. She's a lovely person, she is everything that is good (I love her very much).

It feels to me like Kisaki is a number of things: - a "gifted child"/"genius", the type that adults love and kids despise, the type that has no friends because of it, the type that decides their own worth based on their successes or failures because their talent is all they are and ever will be to anybody who meets them; - plagued by the need to fit in, be accepted and recognized without actually changing himself in ways that betray his core values/what he thinks makes Kisaki Tetta Kisaki Tetta (which is something that is, I think, shaky and hazy to himself also. He's his brain and his smarts, but what else...?); - convinced that he's inherently unlovable and worthless unless he has tangible proof of his own successes (which is why he confesses to Hina only after realizing his 10 year plan) while also thinking, constantly, somewhere in his brain, that he's above everyone, that he just needs to show them just what he can do, that he's so much more than any normal person could hope to be; - unable to see others' affection as anything but transactional (something he can earn like a medal, something he has to trade for); - unknowingly (to a degree) desperate for genuine human connection (which he finds in Hanma despite not realizing it, because he's 13-14, they are both too young and neither really realizes that death can happen to them, too, and that they probably never could make it clear that they genuinely did care for one another); - deeply lonely and envious of everyone who isn't and is naturally a people magnet (Takemichi, Mikey, for instance).

To me, he was simply a boy who wanted to prove that he could do something great just by himself and on his own terms, that he was enough as a person for others to look up to and acknowledge, that he was worthy of the same love Takemichi could effortlessly get, just by being his naively heroic self. But he got caught up in the idea that Kisaki Tetta was what everyone else told him he was: a weirdo one should stay away from. He made that his strength, he became exactly what they said he was, because his admiration for Takemichi turned sour when it became clear that his charisma meant there would be nothing left for him. He mentions that a gang leader needs to have the looks to be successful in the part. He has resigned himself to the spot of those who lack every quality he values (outside of his own smarts), but he never stopped hoping that he could stand where the others, the "good" ones, like Takemichi himself, stood. He wanted to be like him, and be liked like him. But he couldn't, because he wasn't Hanagaki Takemichi, he was only Kisaki Tetta.

The end of the manga proves that simply having a friend who understood him from the start would have allowed him to become the fulfilled person he was always meant to be, that he was never inherently evil. He was just suffering through what Takemichi describes as the most painful thing. He was alone.

He was alone and he died alone. At 14, on a February night, on the asphalt, alone, under the horrified gaze of someone who had just had the thought that he would have deserved to die, someone whom he looked up to, despite everything, who had just told him that now everyone knew what he was up to and that nobody would ever listen to him again. He died alone and the only friend he had was too far away, and came too late. He died alone and the only one who could truly miss Kisaki Tetta was Hanma himself, while Takemichi belatedly realized that it shouldn't have ended that way and that it still wasn't right, that Kisaki was just like him: weak and only powering through by sheer force of will. He died alone, and he was the only one who died thinking and saying that he didn't want to.

He never got to be graced with forgiveness like Kazutora and Izana. Nobody even tried to understand him, save for Hanma and Takemichi.

No one mourns the Wicked. Yes, goodness knows The Wicked's lives are lonely Goodness knows The Wicked cry alone Nothing grows for the wicked They reap only what they've sown.

[murdleandmarot]

@pinkieclown HAPPY (late) BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(This is their oc Oopsadaizee!!!)

There’s a right side up version under the cut :)))

[fake-married-my-dead-fiance]

Moon in the Day Text posts, 4/? (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 5)

[posletsvet]

On the Making of Gojo's Goals: Thoughts and Assumptions

One disclaimer which I feel I need to make before getting into this: This is my reading of the events of the JJK manga, and my reading only, no more and no less. I am not claiming that my opinions are anywhere near being correct or true to the meaning intended by the author, I'm just sharing my take on the story I'm currently deeply passionate about.

And spoiler alert, of course!

Okay, but it is actually so interesting to me to be able to trace the events all the way back to how Gojo's goals and motivations begin to take shape, gradually solidify and get put into motion. So here's how I see it.

It's discussed a lot how Geto's presence in Gojo's life provided the latter with a moral compass and an empathetic outlook on things he lacked himself, giving him a sense of direction and playing a role of somewhat guiding and grounding force for him -- even if he more often than not nonchalantly rebelled against the prospect. He could always rely on Geto's judgement, so it spared him from the bother of thinking about what's righteous and what is not and instead gave him space to enjoy his youth and be careless, relishing this breath of fresh air which his friendship with Geto became. And for quite a while, I imagine, they were both content with how things were. Their warm spring of youth, you know. But when Geto left, he as well took that ideological guidance away from Satoru. From that point on, I believe, is when Gojo really takes to crafting his own ideals.

Unnecessarily lengthy discussion of how, in my view, Gojo's goals came into being below the cut!

1. The loss of the moral compass

When the events of SPVI put uncrossable distance between Satoru and Suguru, not least because of how they chose to cope with their trauma, Gojo got separated not only from his one and only closest friend, but also from somebody who, essentially, told him 'Of course, there needs to be a reason to kill people'. But at that time Gojo was driven by inertial forces, stuck in perfecting his technique and prioritised realising his potential to the fullest, because he blamed his failure on his own shortcomings as a sorcerer, as the strongest. And for the time being getting stronger, really claiming the name of the pinnacle of jujutsu for himself seemed enough. Because being the strongest would solve all the problems. Why wouldn't it? In the end, that's what his society trained him to think, preaching that might is always right. He made growing in power his goal, because he genuinely believed that is what he needed in order to prevent another failure, another Riko from happening. He seemed honestly excited and proud of his hard work while presenting his newly mastered ability to Shoko and Geto.

Look, now he's strong enough.

He's got it all covered.

Something that terrible will not happen again.

He was certain at least in this, so he moved in that direction.

Geto's defection left him without as much. I guess at least some part of why the news came as such a shock to Gojo was because it ripped that certainty away from him, made it painfully obvious that strength alone was not enough. It's cruelly ironic that, more or less by coincidence, this blow lands on him right after his cheerfully boastful announcement of the finally tamed Limitless. Because the thing is, I cannot imagine an outcome where Gojo doesn't blame himself, at least a little, for what happened to Geto. He was the one who got too far ahead, got too strong. He made a point of making himself untouchable, unreachable. (Although, in my eyes, it's not entirely true -- as Gojo was the one who actually tried to reach out to Geto. Even if he failed in this, we do see him try. On Geto's part, there was never such an effort. He didn't reach back, nor did he reach out himself. But it's a topic for a different discussion, I guess.) And, in the end, perhaps he trusted Geto and his ability to stay true to his ideals a bit too much.

2. Being the strongest alone is not an option

After Geto's spiral at least one thing was made clear: everything's that's broken in the system won't be fixed merely through sheer power. Yes, Gojo reached his destination, became the strongest, but him being strong didn't stop Geto from breaking and leaving, did not do anything to help him. If anything, it only made things worse, creating a gap between the two which deepened Geto's self-isolation (and perhaps enabled it in the first place).

When Geto leaves and Gojo's belief that simply being the strongest is going to fix everything falls short, Gojo is forced to reconsider his ideas and figure out a different solution. And that's what he comes up with: if being the strongest alone is not enough, then everyone should be the strongest. His thinking still relies heavily on the concept that power is everything in jujutsu society, but from what happened with Geto (who, in Gojo's eyes, failed to catch up with him in strength and therefore broke under the weight of his responsibilities and went down the wrong path) he derived that, basically, strength comes in numbers. The system isn't going to provide its sorcerers with necessary support, so they themselves should be able to shoulder the load without faltering. Therefore, they need to be strong like him.

And secondly, there's that:

He can only save those who are already prepared to be saved. As I see it, with this phrase Gojo comes to a conclusion that there's only so much he can do. Even if his cursed technique is called the Limitless, he can't do the impossible. He can't be his society's Atlas holding up the weight of the world (though he tries to), can't blame himself for every loss and tragedy, so he's consciously narrowing the list of things he holds himself responsible for. Now, allow me to put a pin in this thought, I will get back to it shortly.

3. No support in the system

The next stepping stone in Gojo's journey to forming his final goals is taking Megumi (and Tsumiki) under his care. It's after this decision of his, I believe, he becomes determined to become a teacher and educate the youth. And it also somewhat ties to the 'saving only those who are prepared to be saved' bit.

For me to elaborate on this, let's take a few steps back. Throughout both seasons, but the second one especially, the story goes to great lengths to show how alone young sorcerers in fact are in their duties. Students are basically left to their own devices from the very moment they enroll into Jujutsu High, and the stakes are as high as they get, with the obligation to carry out missions more often than not putting them into life-and-death situations. And Geto and Gojo being considered the strongest sorcerers of their generation is still no proper excuse for delegating responsibility for the thing that their whole society relies upon to them. They were still literal teenagers who had not even finished their education as sorcerers at that point. They were sixteen and held responsible for somebody's life and well-being, with it constantly being threatened by members of two exceptionally dangerous organisations -- not to mention the whole price-on-Amanai's-head business. And all the while we get no notion of any teacher, any adult in charge and authority over them, bothering to check in on their progress with the mission whatsoever. And what about their emotional state, what about the severely traumatic -- nearly fatal -- experience they both endured? Did anybody make sure they went into, I don't know, therapy, like they should have? Were they provided with at least some extra emotional support from their mentors? I would gamble the chances of this actually happening are little to none. Almost like the system adopts this 'don't care' attitude merely because there is no point in tending to emotional well-being of somebody who they already view as disposable.

That being the case, it comes as no surprise that Geto did not know how to give voice to everything that was troubling him, did not know how to reach out for help when he found himself drowning in doubts. The system does not give the youth any room to develop healthy coping mechanisms, does not provide its sorcerers with any support in case they find themselves struggling mentally. No one is ever there to give Geto and Gojo or Nanami or even Shoko comfort, advice and guidance they all needed. Thus they just don't know how to apply for help -- because they are simply not used to, not taught how to. To circle back to my previous thoughts, the system does not prepare young sorcerers to be saved. The end result is inevitably trying to reach out to somebody struggling without that person ever reaching back or even recognising there is a need for them to do so in order to get help.

Gojo starts to break this pattern by taking in a child with no support system. And while no, I'm not saying Gojo was anywhere near equipped to play the role of that system to Megumi at that time, this decision on his part still counts as a step forward, even if a baby one (no pun intended).

4. Educating the youth

So, after taking it upon himself to help take care of two children, Gojo eventually drives to the conclusion that making sure that the younger generation in jujutsu society gets necessary support is indeed in order.

And I think there's somewhat a relation to be found between the role Gojo plays in Megumi's life and the way he delivers on his responsibilities as a teacher. Although Gojo oversees Megumi and Tsumiki's upbringing, he does so not as a parental figure, but rather as a mentor and a benefactor who ensures their well-being. The same may be applied to how he treats his students. He does not offer them emotional support himself, he isn't even by any measure the one who ties them together as a group, but he does in fact bring them together and does actively try to create the environment where they can bond and become each other's support system. Gojo's flawed personality is something even he himself admits to have, so he isn't necessarily the best man for the job when it comes to handling children's emotions. But he still, for instance, recognises that Yuuji has high emotional needs, so he brings him to Nanami -- an adult who is actually equipped to take care of his mental health. One other example of this is how, when the Goodwill Event fails in its purpose as an 'opportunity for the students to get to know each other in the spirit of competition', Gojo goes out of his way to instead organise a simple baseball game for them to play -- a team sport and an actual, normal as in 'non-lethal' bonding activity for teenagers.

There's an argument that Gojo too, in actuality, is not exactly always there for his students, but it's rather due to Gojo's high demand as a sorcerer than negligence or indifference on his part. In the end, Megumi does make a habit of calling Gojo when something goes downhill on a mission. And I would say it's a significant improvement in comparison with how things were back in Gojo's (and Geto's) day.

Also, that 'being a jujutsu sorcerer is an individual sport' reasoning on Gojo's part during his conversation with Megumi straight after the baseball game kind of speaks against everything I have been talking about for the last couple of paragraphs. Except that, as I personally take it, it's more indicative of the fact that Gojo, due to his inability to go beyond the bounds of power-oriented thinking, still puts too much weight on being strong as a sorcerer. Therefore here the more pressing issue for him was Megumi trudging behind and struggling to catch up with his own potential. That one thing which Geto didn't manage to do: keep up with the strongest. And Gojo does not want another Geto case.

After all, even Geto himself, the one who arguably suffered the most from the lack of concern towards young sorcerers' mental state and their detachment from literally everybody who could and probably should provide emotional support for them, somewhat gives credit to the improvements made since Satoru became a teacher.

(Whether Gojo's secret intention to push Yuuta to unlock his true potential by sending two children into the fight they couldn't win does or does not cross out the fact that he's forcing his students to stand up for each other. *coughs nervously*)

5. Conclusion

Perhaps it's somewhat inappropriate for me to go throwing around assumptions in a concluding part of this post, but I have very little experience with writing analysis and making concrete conclusions, so please bear with me for just a bit longer.

What really succeeded in striking me as odd when going through the story for the first time, is the interpretation which states that what Gojo really seeks to achieve by becoming a teacher is influencing his students and cultivating a particular mindset in them -- the one that would allow him to use them as valuable assets when it comes to overthrowing the current system. But how could that possibly be true if he doesn't even try to discuss politics with any of them, let alone force his own ideals and goals upon them? The only thing which he keeps insisting on in his students' regard and which is linked to his views is that they should be allowed to be kids, to have their youth inviolate.

While there's no doubt that Gojo wants the system to change, my guess is that he also wants to bring about this change through his students, with them truly living out his ideal, not simply parroting it at his prompting. And Gojo actually does want to raise strong and reliable comrades who can think for themselves and recognise the need for the system to change, making them into trustworthy allies -- not only to himself, but to each other, too.

His students really are all his hopes and dreams, huh?

In case everything written above seems to lack logical connections, here's the train of thought which led me through this rambling:

losing moral guidance and falling into power-oriented thinking → recognising that strength is indeed needed, but being strong alone is not enough → coming to take care of two children → decision to become a teacher → fostering the younger generation into strong allies capable of providing help for each other when needed and being each other's support system → how to do that? let kids be kids and forge strong relationships which they can rely upon

Thank you for reading through this mess of my making!! 🧡