#Hyunwoo crying after seeing her off to the operation

[10underoot2]

I cannot stress enough how strongly episode 14 starts. I loved so much of it.

- Haein's beautiful monologue at the start. I love how it contrasts the Church conversation because he does remember and he's willing to still stay true to his promise of being by her side.

"We put emphasis on our happy moments but we dont know what the future hold for us. So we make promises we can't keep and laugh as if these happy moments will last forever. However, there is a dark side behind those radiant moments. When the magical moments dissapeared and hardships made me want to give up, a thought crossed mind. 'Sure, I've experienced many misfortunes, but I still have you.' And that helped me endure."

- The beautiful, beautiful way she tells Hyunwoo why she cannot get surgery if it means losing her memory. Notice how she draws him in a game of remember when. It's their memories that they're talking about and reminiscing. If she got the surgery the strength, the field, him, the memories they all cease. I can't imagine the pain of her knowing that all these memories and experiences would then be only his.

Honeymoon. Field. Trivial info - there was a pub. We drank and argued - intimate detail. Smile - ah I remember you saying that. Passed the field again - a beautiful moon.

"I still remember the smell, the moon and the wind of that day. That's what memories are. Being alive means I cherish those memories and drive strength from them. So those memories define me and my life. And I'll be losing them. This place will just become an ordinary field for me. And you will become a stranger. I'll no longer be myself. That's why I'm not getting the surgery. I've lived as myself and I'll die as such."

[squirrelly831]

Grieving [Taekwoon and Hongbin]

Angst and super long. I’m apologizing now… It’s super long…

DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED! MENTION OF WIFE DEATH, GRIEVING, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS! DO. NOT. READ. IF. YOU. WILL. GET. TRIGGERED!!!!

Enjoy~

When he found out his wife was pregnant, he didn’t think of anything bad happening. The pregnancy went perfectly and they were days away from meeting their new addition. They were excited to see their child after planning for so long on expanding their family.

Their wife opted in doing a c-section as she was told it would be safer for her as an anemic to go through. He was there with her during the c-section. He watched their baby delivery with hearts in his eyes. Their baby was perfect. They cried as the nurses handled them and cleaned them up. What none of them knew what tragedy was about to come as they celebrated the new life.

He was in his wife’s hospital room holding their child when he looked up at his sleeping wife. It had been a number of hours since the delivery and he noticed something was off about her. “Babe?” He called out to her noticing her pale complexion. Her eyes fluttered open and he leaned to her, “What’s wrong?” She tried to speak, but her eyes rolled back and her vitals began to drop. He jumped up waking his child in the process as he hit the emergency button. “HELP! SOMEONE!” He reached down and touched his wife’s hand and felt an instant abnormal chill.

The nurses ran in and took the baby out as well as led him out as they tried to figure out why she had declined so fast. They rushed her back into the operating room and he followed until they went inside.

He paced outside the room as he could still heard the machines scream in his ears. The doors opened in the operating room and he straightened up, the doctor walked out of the room with a disappointed look. He didn’t need verbal notification of what happened. He could tell–he could feel that his wife was no longer with him. A single tear slid down his face as the doctor explained the cause. That during the c-section, the doctor who was delivering their child, had accidentally nicked her bladder and she had bled out internally. They were too late to try to save her. Their joyful celebration became a mournful heartbreaking moment. He felt like his life had just unraveled before his eyes and he didn’t know how to fix it.

Taekwoon

The last three days were overwhelming for Taekwoon. He was between checking on his twins, Hyunwoo and Jiwoo, as well as caring for his step-son, David, who he had sole custody of and took part of the ceremony for his wife’s, Imani, passing.

David was his main concern of all else. He was eight and understood well enough that his mother wasn’t coming back to him. Taekwoon was thankful David was there to help him with his younger half siblings. He helped feed them or when they’d cry he’d try his best to comfort them as best as an eight year old could. However, he was a kid himself, and a kid who was raised basically alone with his mom before Taekwoon entered the picture. The funeral was hard for him and there were times David would break down in tears wanting nothing more than his mom to hug him only for Taekwoon to be the one who took him in his arms.

Taekwoon was exhausted by the time the funeral ended. He didn’t have time to mourn. He told himself he could mourn later but he had to focus on the kids. continued this thought for three months. He took care of his kids flawlessly, but he didn’t take care of himself. His parents prepared for a trip, but they hesitated on going. Taekwoon told them he would be fine, but just to make sure, they got in touch with his friends and asked to keep an eye on him.

Taekwoon’s lack of mourning hurt him more than helped. He held in the toxic emotions and they consumed him. He couldn’t eat, sleep, or breath without thinking of Imani and her lifeless body. How she died right before his eyes. He couldn’t cry. He felt numb. Even with his kids, he felt a dull pain in his chest each time he held his children or looked down at them. They looked so much like their mother it made his stomach turn. David had also spent his fair share of nights screaming or crying for his mom due to nightmares or out of sheer anguish. It took a toll on Taekwoon as he didn’t know how to handle David’s mourning nor his own.

Wonshik decided to pay him a visit. He knocked on the door and waited a few moments. The door slowly opened revealing his pale faced friend who looked like he hadn’t eaten in days. Taekwoon sluggishly walked back into the living room and Wonshik followed him.

He flopped on the couch and gulped down the water on the table before him. Wonshik hesitated, but Taekwoon spoke first, “I can’t get over seeing her… I see her when I sleep… When I eat… Wherever I look, she’s there.” Taekwoon’s sunken eyes twitched as he looked around, “I want to remember the good times, but I keep seeing her eyes rolling back– her skin” he choked on his words, but no tears fell.

“Hyung… When was the last time you ate or slept?” Wonshik looked around the room, “Where are the kids?”

Taekwoon shook his head. He was out of it and the questions didn’t make sense to him. The questions muddled into one in his head. “The kids… I didn’t eat them…?”

If he didn’t know Taekwoon, Wonshik would have assumed he took drugs by how out of it he was. Wonshik approached Taekwoon and took his shoulders in his hands, “Hyung, focus.” He shook him. Taekwoon’s sunken dead eyes met his, “The kids. David. Hyunwon. Jiwoo. Where are they?”

“Asleep… At least they can sleep. David is in the nursery with them… He’s been sleeping there instead of his bed… They don’t have the image of their dead mother constantly in their heads. Her cold skin— why didn’t I notice the signs that she was dying? Why?”

Wonshik watched his friend fall apart as he picked up his phone to call the others. He was concerned about his friend’s safety and well-being of the kids. After he spoke to Hakyeon, he sat back with Taekwoon, “Hyung, you need to rest and eat. The guys are coming.”

A cry rang out in the nursery and Taekwoon stood on wobbly legs, “I should feed Jiwoo before she wakes her brother.”

Wonshik stood and gently pushed Taekwoon to the couch, “I’ll feed her. You just wait here for the others, okay?”

When the others got to Taekwoon’s house, they found him at the dining room table with his hand holding up his head. He looked at them with tear stained cheeks before his eyes drifted. They would stay around Taekwoon’s place for the next week and a half caring for the kids and him. When his parents returned from their trip, they took the kids and the members took Taekwoon to get help at a hospital.

Hongbin

Hongbin could remember the day of Hyemin’s passing like it was yesterday. Mere months had passed since that dreadful day. He never imagined he would have to raise their two kids, Mina who was four and Joon the newborn, alone. He had to be strong for his kids especially Mina.

Mina cried and cried when she was told mom wouldn’t return and Hongbin’s heart broke. At the funeral, his mother held infant Joon as Mina sobbed for her mom in Hongbin’s arms. He could only hold her close and whisper how much he and her mom loved her. He pressed kisses on her head and cheek as his own tears fell.

It had been months since that day and Hongbin had tried his hardest as a new single dad. But there were days he struggled. Days when Joon was crying more than usual or when Joon wouldn’t sleep when he needed him too. Days when Mina threw a fit and screamed or sobbed or when she woke up so early in the day that she was in crying fits by midday, but refused to sleep.

Both of the kids were sleeping one night. Hongbin locked himself in the bathroom and broke down in tears, “Hyemin, I need you here… I can’t do this alone. I need your help… Please… I don’t know what good I can do for them?” He cried as he sat there on the ground.

There was a knock on the door that caught his attention, “Daddy?” Mina’s sleepy voice echoed. She knocked again, “Daddy?” She whispered as if not to alert baby Joon.

Hongbin wiped his cheek as he got up and opened the door to see Mina with her favorite stuff animal, a bunny, in hand. He swung it open and bent down to Mina, “What’s wrong, baby?” Mina said nothing as she reached out and hugged his neck. Hongbin’s tears fell again as he hugged his daughter closer. “You wanna go sleep in daddy’s bed tonight?” She nodded as she buried her head in his shoulder. He felt the pain in his chest slowly subside as he took his daughter to his bedroom. Hongbin knew he wasn’t alone nor was he the only one that was broken up about the passing of his wife. Mina crawled up Hyemin’s side of the bed and pressed her head in the pillow. Hongbin chuckled as he watched her eyes close. He lay down on his side of the bed and hit the lights.

“Daddy…” Mina mumbled.

“What baby?”

Her eyes fluttered, “Mommy and I and Joonie love you lots.”

Hongbin gave her a small smile as he watched her give in to sleep. He leaned over and pressed his lips to her forehead, “I know, baby. I love you three so much too.” He kissed her head once more as her hand grasped his shirt. He looked out his window and wiped his tears, “Was this your answer to my pleads, love?” He looked back at his sleeping daughter, “You always know what to say, baby girl.” Hongbin allowed sleep to consume in and it was the first peaceful night he had since Hyemin’s death.

Hakyeon and Jaehwan || Wonshik and Sanghyuk

Credit to gif owners

Written & revamped by Squirrelly831

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