#How I Stay Healthy And Fit In College

[angelplummie]

here for revenge.

being lily's best friend - you grow up with her - you're in the donaldsons orbit for all your formative years. you develop a crush on art that turns into love as you grow older. your home life isn't so glamorous. you spend lots of weekends at the donaldsons. art has tucked you in. brought you snacks when you stayed up late for movie nights, making you and lily promise not to tell tashi. you were there when art and tashi got divored, held lilys hand and pretended not to be happy inside at the thought of getting closer to art.

lily gets into college - a big smart one because she has tashi's ambition and leaves you behind, you're still stuck at home because your dreams have always been smaller.

maybe its not appropriate, to still spend time with art. but he's lonely. tashi left, and now his daughter has and you're the only one left in his life that actually wants to be around him, that has always looked at him with stars in your eyes. its probably not healthy. there should be a boundary there. your lilies, not his.

but you like being around him and he likes having someone to take care of. you come over and he makes you eat something healthy and you needle him about spending all his time at home and how he should get out more, and he rolls his eyes, tells you he should be saying the same to you, you're young and beautiful and you should be dating around.

but how can you date around when art donaldson is your dream man? when you're happiest at his side, eating what he makes you. you want more though. you want to share his bed, warm it for him, you want to make him not so lonely, you want him to stop seeing you as a little girl and as the adult you've grown up to be - so you start wearing less and less around him. start acting more and more like a housewife.

art accepts it without even realizing. now you just need to find the right opportunity to pounce.

WHEW. this one is long so buckle up

“art?”

“mr donaldson.”

you roll your eyes.

“mr donaldson, how come you never started dating again?”

he chopped the lemon with a deft clunk, eyes never leaving the knife.

“never felt the urge.”

“what does that mean?”

“what i just said. never felt the need to.”

“hm.”

you sat on the island, next to the chopping board. your legs swung haphazardly, and you watched art as he chopped.

why was he playing this game? he could’ve told you to leave, to stop coming back and bothering him, that this was inappropriate. and yet. he didn’t even tell you to get your sorry butt off the counter, or some such dad-ism. the low glow of the many warm lamps that adorned such a luxurious house illuminated art so softly, he looked as young as the day lily was born. he was as fit as back then, if not meatier. he didn’t have the pouch your dad had, but the years had given him a thickness. instead of wasting away like most lean men did, he struggled to the other side. he got broader. layer upon layer of muscle encased in a thin finishing of fat. he was skinnier when you were a kid, but he had no reason to be lean now. under his chin a tiny hammock of pudge rested as his head tilted down, kissed by light stubble. his blonde hair was streaked in silver, but that somehow made him younger looking. made him glow. he had grown it out, by your suggestion. he was everything in the world a man should be.

“what about you?”

“i hate boys. they’re all stupid.”

“you got that right. you’re too good for all of them, never settle.”

“maybe it’s just boys my own age. theyre so immature.”

arts wide chest heaves. his eyes flick to you then flick back down. you see it all, and cross one leg over the other.

“maybe.”

“what were you like when you were my age?”

he laughs at the memory.

“stupid, immature, evil. if i was anything to go by you should swear off men entirely until menopause.”

air left your chest cavity.

“i don’t wanna wait. i want a fully formed one.”

you watched the muscles in arts forearms flex as he squeezed the lemon onto salad. the main course was cooking, was singing loudly on the stove. art had gotten into cooking after the divorce. it took all his attention and put it in one place, something complex and delicate and time consuming. it helped to clear his head. it wasn’t helping right this second.

“i shouldn’t say that,” he said curtly,”boys your age aren’t so bad. give them a go and quit hanging out with an old man.”

“but i like you, old man.”

art was so harsh on himself. he really wasn’t that old. and you really weren’t that young.

he pressed his lips together and kept squeezing. his pink lips, that gave his face the everlasting youth it held. he shrugged his shoulders in that way he did when he was confronted with the truth of your arrangement. there was something going on. something very, very, very wrong. you were the same age as his daughter. 3 months younger. he was the worst man in the world. the worst person to ever breathe. what could he do though? tell you to go? tell you to leave his house and never come back? what would become of you then? without him, what pillar of paternity would you rely upon? what new low would you reach? what men would you come across, and what would you do to please them? while he gingerly entertained you, you dangled something in front of his face that others would not have the restraint or morality to resist. if you had to move to another target, your next victim might not care so deeply for your wellbeing. were you not altogether safer, sitting in his kitchen, eating his caesar salad, rather than inhaling second hand cigarettes from old wrinkled fucks who might murder you, or worse-

“art?”

“mr donaldson.”

“you got a bunch of lemon pips in the salad.”

“oh.”

he set down the lemon.

“are you ok? you seem tense.”

“i’m good. are you cold? i can turn on the heating if you like.”

“no. it’s actually quite warm in here.”

he hears the zip of your hoodie and starts away from the island, under the pretence of getting a paper towel to deposit the lemon seeds on. your jumper clatters to the counter, and you watch his adam’s apple bob as he swallows. low cut top. he knows that’s what you’re wearing. because that’s all it’s been for the past 2 months. your mini skirt flowers around you as you sit, but when you stand each swish and sway of the fabric is a death sentence. god forbid you take the stairs for some ungodly reason.

“hey, you know what you said about never having the urge?”

oh, fuck off, he thought. fuck off. leave him be. leave him alone. release him.

“yes.”

“you can’t really mean that can you?”

“sure i can.”

“i mean, you can. but i don’t think you do.”

you twirled a strand of hair in between your fingers. your stomach grumbled, loud enough that he could hear. you were so hungry you could die, but if you ate what art was frying your breath would smell like fish all night.

“let me check the salmon.”

“i’m not that hungry. you can’t mean that you never had the urge to. everyone has urges.”

“well sure. but after tashi, i needed a breather. a grace period, if you will. you can’t go from marriage with a woman like her right into dating.”

“but it’s been 3 years. you must be over it by now?”

he ignored the hope in your voice. ignore, ignore, ignore.

“i am over it. but. women scare me.”

he walked languidly over the salmon. it was ready.

“i don’t scare you, i’m a woman.”

a woman. he turned off the stove, and turned to fix you with a stare for the first time tonight. a woman. that was not the word he would use to describe you. your eyes were the size of saucers, and you bat your lashes languidly, like you knew how much you were making him suffer. you sat up pin straight, and twisted your spine to make eye contact with him. your body. he tried not to look. tried not to look in front of you and see the twisted grin come across your lips. but he was a weak man. the weakest of men, and his eyes dragged over where a fatherly view should never cross. your perky new tits, the press and curve of your ass against the counter, the plush of your thighs. it seemed you had grown up overnight, and didn’t know you were still a baby. you’re a baby. you knew what you were doing to him. you knew. he blushed involuntarily.

“you scare me most of all.”

his voice trembled. he hadn’t meant to say that. hadn’t meant to dignify you will any response at all. it had crossed his mind and then it crossed his lips.

your eyes lit up with extreme delight. he liked to make you happy, but his stomach churned with the thought of why.

“why?”

he turned back around, and plated up your salmon, adding potatos and asparagus from the same pan, drizzling it all in the residual oil.

“why art?”

“mr donaldson.”

a twinge of irritation tickles your stomach. what was he fighting this for? you’re all grown up now. you both knew what was going to happen. he was resisting fate, the inevitable.

all your life you had known he was the man you were meant to be with. from that first time he kissed your forehead as you dozed off on the couch, thinking you were asleep. when his strong arms would carry both you and his daughter, flinging you around, threatening to dunk you in their backyard pool. when he would catch your eye in the rear view mirror as he drove you around and winked. he was so nice. so nice and brave and kind and warm, and if you had to be with any man it should be him because you’ve loved him since you were 8, and now you’re old enough to claim it. you’re not just a dumb kid with a crush. you love him. you understand it being one sided back then. but it isn’t anymore, and you wouldn’t let him deny it. with gliding footsteps you approached him, drawing closer every second he didn’t turn around. a hand rests on his shoulder blade.

“just stop,” you breathed after a pause.

his spatula clattered to the pan with a metallic thunk. you pull your hand away like he burnt you. he gripped the counter with a sigh and hung his head.

“you stop. stop it now,” his voice was stern. you felt yourself shrink. art was never stern.

“i know what you’re thinking, and it’s not going to happen. this has gone on far too long and it stops right now.”

a mere few paces from his wide curved back, you blink. the urge to touch him is overwhelming. you want to press your hand to his back, feel him under your palm and tell him you know he wants this. you know he wants this just as bad as you do.

but you don’t, because he’s angry at you, and he’s never been angry at you before.

“i’ve let you come here and cooked you food and watched movies with you because you’re a good kid. because i knew you as a kid and i know your problems with your father and i wanted to be there for you when lily is away. but you have taken this too far. you’re my daughters best friend. i have cleaned up your vomit twice, i baked you a cake for your 13th birthday- it’s not right. i’ve tried to be understanding, i’ve tried to ignore it, but you never drop it. never. your lack of self respect is staggering. you have to drop it right now or, im sorry but you can’t come back here anymore.”

every muscle fibre was clenched. if the counter top wasn’t marble it would’ve crunch and fell away under his grip. he couldn’t take it anymore. he didn’t know how much longer he could be good. didn’t know how much longer he could take resisting you.

maybe he was harsh. but it was the right thing to do. the only thing to do. he rested his elbow on the counter, and between his forefinger and his thumb held the bridge of his nose. he exhaled loudly. he hadn’t meant for it to come out that way, hadn’t planned it. but now it was out. he had stared the elephant in the room dead in its eyes. he felt lighter, somewhat liberated.

until he turned around after a few too many seconds of silence to see you turned away from him, slightly hunched over. he stepped closer, and saw your hands covering your mouth. you body jolted, and you drew in quick, grasping breaths. you were crying. he said your name, and you didn’t turn to look at him.

“i’m sorry. i’m sorry mr donaldson.”

all the relief he felt was replaced by swift, acute, crushing guilt. your hair fell over your face, shielding you from him. he said your name once more. you sniffed.

“hey, hey hey hey.”

against his better judgement, and because of the aching of his heart, he took you gently by the shoulders, and turned you to face him.

“i’m sorry. i’m so sorry.”

tears spill from your eyes and you wipe them away with a heavy hand, refusing to meet his eyes. his neck craned down to your eye level, his thumbs began tracing circle in your shoulders. a thoughtless gesture but one that made you cry even harder.

“i’m sorry. i don’t know what i was thinking. im just so sorry.”

“hey, it’s ok. it’s alright.”

“it’s not alright. i’ve ruined everything. i’ve made it- so- weird. i just thought that you- you wanted me. i’m so stupid.”

your mascara runs, painting your face with your turmoil.

how could you be so dense? you had been making him uncomfortable. he didn’t want you. the only reason he even let you hang around was obligation. because of what you meant to lily. you didn’t mean anything to him. you were just some kid. did he even think you’re pretty? you bet he didn’t.

worse than that, you had disappointed him. him. he was supposed to be everything your dad wasn’t. and now he was disappointed. you had failed. you had ruined everything. what even were you? were you even human?

“don’t. you’re not stupid. don’t say that.”

“i’m sorry. i just- i wanted to make you happy. that’s all i ever wanted. i wanted you to be happy with me. you were so- so- so crushed after the divorce, i-i just-“

he guides you over to the bar stool, and you let him. you sit across from each other. his hand touches your cheek, the other holds you shoulder still. the touch of his hand quietens your babbling, your eyes round and wet and open.

“you do make me happy.”

your lips parted, plump with crying.

“i do?”

he cringes at the hope in your voice, at the feeling in his chest that it stirs. the feeling in his whole body at touching, after so many years, your soft skin. the last time he held your face you were 8, crying over a bumped knee. he had very different feelings now than he did then. sympathy and concern had ebbed, making way for much darker, much more corrosive emotions. he felt guilt and want broil in the chambers of his stomach, and the evilness inside him told him how easy to would be to get what he wanted. how close he was.

“yes. you’re my favourite buddy, we have a great time together,” he ruffled your shoulder like you pat a dog, speaking quick to placate you.

the hope in your eyes dwindled.

“so,” you sniffled, “you don’t feel anything for me? you don’t-don’t want me at all?”

with your convulsive sobbing your chest rose and fell, and with each jolt you spilled further out of your thread bare top. he closed his eyes, and swallowed, adam’s apple bobbing. inhaling deeply, his fingers released your shoulder.

“it doesn’t matter what i want.”

“yes it does, it matters the most,” you answer immediately, tears gone from your eyes, now sliding down from your water line and down your cheek, “what do you want?”

what does art want? when was the last time he asked himself that question? years. at least. he drew away from you. you felt sick.

he turned on the stool, ducking his head and cradling his face in his hands

“i want…”

what the fuck was he saying? he couldn’t say this to you. he couldn’t. but he was.

“i… you’re a very gorgeous girl. you’re sweet. you’re smart. you’re funny. i like you very much.”

he said it like he was confessing to murder. elbow resting on his knee, his hand covered his eyes with splayed fingers. god, he was going to hell for this. even saying the words felt like the deepest sin imaginable, and he was sanitising his truth extensively. what he thought about at night, when you went home and his house became cold again, when he got into the shower and mechanically relieved himself into the drain, that was truly deplorable. when he touched himself, it was you he thought of. invariably. everything a man could possibly do to a girl, everything a girl could possibly do to a man, he had laid up in his bed and touched himself to with you in mind. ropes and ropes and ropes of cum in your honour, so gently splattered on shower walls and bedsheets he needed to wash anyway. sometimes he came on his torso, just to feel young and frivolous, like you were. and when he did his brain would turn back on, and he would feel so guilty that he would lay there to soak up his guilt, a punishment for himself from himself. so yes. he wanted you. he wanted you very, very badly. with every fibre of his being, he craved you. and with every fibre of his soul, he hated himself for it. but apparently he was still talking. what his morality urged him his mouth couldn’t hear, or wouldn’t obey.

“so don’t think you’re delusional. you had every reason to think i might reciprocate.”

you watched him, glossy eyes wide as ever. he peeked from beneath his fingers, immediately covering his eyes again when he saw you watch him. he shouldn’t have said that. he shouldn’t have. that was bad, it’s only giving you hope, and there is no hope. he can’t, he can’t. he want to so badly but he can’t. god, no he can’t. it would be so easy but easy isn’t right and how could he ever look his daughter in the eyes again if he did? how could he look at tashi?

“mr donaldson?”

“mm,” he replied miserably.

“kiss me.”

slowly, exhausted, he lifted up his head. mistake. now he was thinking about it as he looked at your face, puffy and damp and shining like a star.

why did he look so disgusted? what was so wrong with you? you couldn’t stop yourself from barreling ahead, feeling his premature rejection like a rock in your stomach.

“just once. then i’ll leave and i’ll never bother you and you won’t see me anymore and i’ll go to church and ill get a therapist, but just once.”

he looks so tired. so tired and so fucking good. his eyes smouldered with deep thought, the thought only a mature man can have. he was so mature. he was so much larger than you. he could hurt you if he wanted to. he could make you do anything but all he did was look at you so tired it made you squirm inside. as your sobs died in your throat, regret and embarrassment become indistinguishable from desire.

he blinked slowly, and opened his mouth. the white of his teeth glittered. his tongue pawed the inside of his cheek. he was thinking about it.

how could he be thinking about it? he was the worst person in the world. and yet. and yet. one kiss. he could control it with one kiss. one kiss wouldn’t hurt. one kiss. he had kissed your head before. your cheek. what was so different about this?

wordlessly, he moved off the stool. heart in your mouth you waited. a tremulous breath shuddered from your chest as he took one step. two steps. three steps. until he was stood above you. his face was unreadable. not cold. not warm. just looking, appraising from above his brown lower lashes, down his strong kissable nose.

“one kiss?”

his hand rose slowly, palm facing upwards. his finger tips grazed your jaw, your chin, tilting your head up. fireworks burst in your stomach, and you resisted the urge to moan.

“one. that’s all.”

one. that would be all. one kiss and he would put this silly fascination away for good. a kiss is deniable. a kiss is nothing.

he stoops down, can feel the nerves vibrating from your skin. his head tilts slightly, and your eyes lock as he descends to your level. his hand moves into your hair, a combing hold. and you kiss. no tongue. your lips connect, mush and expand over the others. his nose touched your cheek. your arms remained stiff by your side as they gripped the stool. you felt the pinkness of his lips, felt the edge of his cupids bow. and then he pulled away.

there. one kiss. he had done what he had to to get you to drop it. had fulfilled your criteria, and now you could move on. now he could move on.

but if that was true, why was he leaning in again? why did almost tasting your saliva, a substance he had thought about in great detail, make him hungrier for it? why was almost having it worse than never coming close? why did he pull gently on your hair, making your head tip back, opening you mouth so he could kiss the part of you he craved; the inside part? why was he hard if it was over?

his tongue flicked gently inside, asking permission. your mouths closed together, making the kiss noise you hate hearing but love making. they open quickly and in sequence. your hands rise up to gently hover over his chest, barely grazing his shirt. you didn’t want to touch him too hard in case he dissipated into a cloud of smoke, an illusion.

but he was very real, and under your timid girlish touch he was undone. a soft exhalation like a groan into your mouth, and his tongue protruded. it touched yours and you tasted the salt on it, shivering. his other hand fell back to your shoulder, gripping so hard it was like had no idea what he was doing. feeling your mouth against his was all that there was. there wasn’t right, there wasn’t wrong, there was only sensation.

all the want he had saved for solitary and depressing masturbation now burst through his veins, into his actions and he kissed you with all the passion in him. with everything he’s never said, with all the times he held back with you, with tashi. he kissed you like if he didn’t he would die, breathing and groaning and grunting involuntarily. he mashed his face to yours, crushing your lips, taking your bottom lip between his teeth before recapturing your mouth in a sloppy open mouthed kiss. it felt like steam evaporated from where your met, so hot and wet.

you didn’t know what was your and what was art, where you finished and art began. you meshed like the broken pieces of a vase slotted against each other. his tongue became so wild it clipped the side of your mouth in its frantic exploration, and you sighed.

ultimately it was you who had to pull away. you pulled your hands into your own chest, gasping for breath. he didn’t move an inch. he gripped your shoulder still, cradled your face the same. he opened his eyes, chest rising and falling graciously.

he surveyed you, still too high from your touch to feel guilt, with lazy eyes. he was so fucked. your eyes sparkled like glitter. your lips shined pearly with his spit. his.

“art?”

“yes?”

“it’s not just one kiss is it?”

despite himself, despite everything, he smiled.

“no. i don’t think it is.”

[filled-with-fat]

My weight skyrocketed at College 🫢

When I moved away to college at 18, I was an athletic, healthy young man. In high school, I had played on the football team, and had always been into working out and staying fit. But this all changed when I moved away to college.

I was allocated self-catered accommodation, which meant for the first time in my life I had to cook my own meals. At home, my mum would always make me healthy, nutritious foods. But I definitely underestimated how time consuming it is to cook. As the weeks progressed, I got fed up with having to make myself my own meals, and so I would order food. I fell into really bad habits; staying out till sunrise, and then ordering takeout throughout the day. I stopped attending my classes, as I just couldn’t be bothered to walk across campus. Instead I would lay in bed, scrolling through TikTok, awaiting my next McDonald’s delivery. I would order at least 4 takeouts a day.

I quickly became hooked to this lifestyle. Binge drinking on the weekends, and bed rotting during the week, gorging on unhealthy fast food. And with every week that passed, I began to notice my body enlarge. My belly grew outwards, stretch marks appeared across my mid-section, and cheeky layers of fat hung off my sides and back. My hips widened, whilst my thighs and butt started to look revoltingly big.

I had turned into a chubby freshman, and I desperately needed an intervention from my friends to help me loose weight. I asked my college roommate, Daniel, who frequently went to the gym, if I could come with him. But, rather than encouraging me to get more active, Daniel convinced me into thinking laying in bed all day eating pizza was better for my wellbeing/overall happiness. I was easily persuaded into believing that my current eating habits were healthy. And so I continued to order excessive amounts of takeout, and sometimes Daniel would even bring me McDonald’s back from his workout. We would sit on my bed together, and I would devour a BigMac in under 5 minutes.

I rapidly outsized all my clothes, to which Daniel bought me a new sets of T-shirts and pants (in size 4xl of course).

As I grew bigger, I became more self-conscious of my weight and how I appeared in public. I was always a shy guy, and never liked attention. Yet, as I got fatter, my size drew attention, as I would struggle to walk even a few steps, or get out of breath from climbing a flight of stairs. I began to dread leaving my dorm, as I knew I would have to deal with the stares and sneers from everyone on campus. Whereas in my room, I felt like royalty. Daniel would praise my body, he would say how beautiful my curves and rolls of fat were. As I grew bigger, he showed more and more interest in me. He couldn’t keep his hands off me, saying just how much he adored my obese body. And so, I kept eating, as I craved Daniel’s attention and attraction.

By the end of freshman, I had ballooned to over 450lbs. I got so big, that even sitting up, or rolling over in bed, had me wheezing. But I was so attached to this lifestyle, there was no braking free. I kept on gaining weight, with every mouthful of greasy, calorific food I consumed. All to please Daniel. And the bigger I got, the more time he spent with me. He loved feeling my body, placing his lubricated hands over my enormous chest, squeezing my love handles and fat hips. I craved his attention, and so naturally I felt compelled to eat, eat and eat even more.

[coolprettyleo]

my soul has changed? - will smith au

wc: 1.4k

tw: depression, suggestion of an ED, awkwardness? mean girl.

will smith x oc celebrini sister!

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

lola celebrini was in a point of her life where everything felt still. she was pretty sure she was suffering from depression and it was a cycle she didn't know how to get out of.

she would wake up, go to school, go to work, and then sleep. she was lucky if she fitted a meal in between that meant she had lost tons of weight.

she had been a pretty healthy teen, she played hockey up until high school alongside her brothers; but when the time came to play college hockey, she got no offers. contributing to her depression.

it was a sport she held so much love and dedication, she couldn't understand why she hadn't been good enough? I mean her brothers were good enough, they got college offers. macklin was even projected to go first overall, so why couldn't she?

those were thoughts that were constantly haunting her mind. if she found something to forget them they would flood back in, like if they wanted her to be a lifeless doll she had been feeling like.

her family had been really worried for her. she had finally seen her brothers after a year, at the NCCAA playoffs and it only caused them to worry more.

flashbacks

lola knew that macklin and aiden were gonna bombard her with questions as soon as they were alone. they could hardly recognize her. growing up she was always a smiling person with a big personality and now she was about forty pounds lighter and was a ghost of the person she used to be.

"april what's going on" macklin said shutting the door behind him.

"what do you mean"

"cut the bullshit. I know your not okay, you barley answer my text anymore, what's wrong"

"it's nothing mack-"

"no it's not nothing, maybe I can fix it-

"you cant 'fix' it"

"and why not-"

"because I don't know what wrong with me!"

that had been about two weeks ago. she just didn't know what to tell her family. she really didn't understand why she had been feeling that way.

she was currently at work where she was a barista in a cute coffee shop. she honestly loved working there, she had got the job when she was in high school and had kept it till college. seeing as she didn’t move far away for college, choosing to stay close to her parents.

she often wondered if she might be happier if she moved away just like everyone else did, just like her brothers did. but it would always end in her telling herself; that it's not worth dwelling on.

it was currently six am and at this time of day there weren’t many customers. the cafe was always busy mid day when people were looking to find somewhere to study.

so she was surprised when she turned the open side around, to find a boy waiting outside to come in. a boy who looked a lot like will smith.

lola wasn’t an idiot to hockey, she kept up with it a fairly good amount, so she would have to be living under a rock to not know the guy who dominated the ice at her brothers rivalry school.

that didn’t mean she wasn’t going to act like she didn’t know him.

he reached for the handle and took a look at her before turning as red as a tomato and blushing,

“hey, are you guys open?” he asked nervously, mentally slapping himself because he just saw her turn the sign around, to ‘open’

“uhm yeah I’ll be with you in a sec” she told him.

will couldn’t help but think her voice was cute. she had a rasp to it that made him want to give her everything she’s ever wanted.

lola finished up, putting the coffee too brew and turned to the counter.

“okay! order when your ready”

“uhm. i actually never been here before… any recs?” he asked after a moment nervously scratching his neck.

“well I get a dirty chai, but considering my brothers hate it, you might hate it too… I guess you might like a frap?” she told him, a little too monotone.

“yeah okay” he told her again nervously. he found her to be breathtakingly beautiful.

he paid and stood back as she got to making the drink.

“you from here?” will asked hoping to make small talk.

“uhm kinda. I was born in Vancouver but moved here when my dad got a job”

will panicked. oh god was she still in highschool

lola must of saw the worry on his face because she added,

“that was a couple years ago, im eighteen now” she said smiling at his face. something she didn’t do often anymore.

“oh, i’m eighteen too”

“oh yeah, what brings you to san jose, school?” she said innocently knowing very well he was drafted here and was most likely here to work on development.

“no. I”m came to meet with some people here. I go to boston college” he answered. lola starting to not feel so bad because she saw he didn’t want to right away say he was a hockey player.

“far from home huh”

“yeah, i’m literally across the country from everything and everybody i’ve ever known” he told her wanting to slap himself. did she need to know that!?!

“i’m sorry. it’ll get easier” she said remembering her brother had been homesick too but utimatly started feeling better after some time-- as she handing him his drinks and gave him a sympathetic face.

“yeah i hope so, i should be moving here soon, if everything goes right” he said as he took a sip.

“hey this is good!” he said taking another sip as lola smiled. something that will thought looked amazing on her.

lola smiled at him remembering the fact her brothers liked that drink. boys were so typical

“i’m glad… and hey— if you ever need a friend in town my names lola” she told him as she held her hand out to him to shake.

will starred at it for a moment before he quickly met her hand.

“will” he told the girl with a smile.

they were cut out of there moment when two customers walked in.

“I should get back to work. i’ll see you around will” she told him as he smiled a nodded and walked right out.

say something! ask for my number! do anything!

lola felt really dumb after she basically just presented herself in a silver platter to the boy and he didn’t finish his part in asking for her number. he had definitely rejected her in the nicest way someone possibly could.

meanwhile will got into the Uber with a gitty feeling. she seemed really cool and having someone to hang out with other than his teammates was going to be so nice.

he was midway into the meeting with some general managers when he realized he didn’t even ask for her number.

“oh my god” he mumbled as he came to the realization

"i'm sorry?" one of the GM's said confused.

“uhh— I said I was excited to join the franchise!” he covered up, feeling like an idiot.

hopefully she was still there after the meeting.

the meeting had gone a little to long for his liking and as he raced down to the coffee shop he hoped she was working a long shift.

he opened the door to see a blonde girl who looked old but yet looked young, and a taller boy with curly hair working behind the counter.

“hi. is lola working today?” he said breathlessly

the blonde eyed him for a moment before smirking,

“I don't recall a lola ever working here...my name samantha though” she said with a face that will knew was a face of someone who was lying.

“yes there is, she helped me earlier-"

“if your here to file a complaint against her, I can totally help you then,” she said

“no she was great— wait, you said you didn’t know an lola-“

“your looking for lola?” the other barista cut in

“yeah she was here earlier, i was hoping she was still here”

“she got off like two hours ago but i can give you her number!” the curly haired boy told will. he was one of lola's friends and he wasn’t going to ruin this opportunity for her.

“you totally can’t do that!” the blonde girl said in a nasally voice.

“shutup samantha. go take candy from a baby or something” he sassily told her.

she rolled her eyes before walking away to wipe a table down.

“sorry about her, here’s her number— good luck!”

“thankyou so much” he told him as he thought about what exactly to text the pretty girl.

both lola and will not knowing the epic love story they were about embark on.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

hi guys! i hope this is kinda good, dont feel shy to send in ask and au thoughts… i like never get any but im so open to it!!

[lexithevalkyrie]

Fat tip number 11: what type of belly will i grow and other fat related development

Starting with the most common version of a feedees belly: the apple shape belly, also known as android, is the easiest body shape to form compared to any other. Usually, this type of fat will look much larger and rounded compared to other body fat. The common cause of this body fat is a general unhealthy lifestyle, fast food, high carbs, poor sleep, unathletic, having a wthr of .90+ (men) .85+ (women) and genetics will give you this belly, which is why it is so common for feedees to develop. On a side note, 2 part bellies form in a relatively same manner, but its difference is that cis women develop it, and it's purely based on genetics.

My personal favorite is pear-shaped fat, usually this firm tends to have more fat around the hips, thighs, bum, lower abdomen, and upper body while the rest of your waistline stays relatively small. To achieve this form of fat is based on genetics and diet; having a wthr of .80 or lower (men), .75 or lower (women) means you are more likely to develop fat to your hips and upper body naturally. Being on a healthy protein or fat rich diet will also result in sore energy going to your lower half rather than your gut. This body type is much harder to achieve normally compared to any others but you are more likely to see a woman with a pear shaped body compared to a man.

Now for fat related development: cellulite can be a touchy subject for some as you may like it, but others hate it, but how does it form? Mainly found on women, cellulite is formed based on genetics, hormones, and body structures like skin. Usually, cellulite looks like dimples along your body and tends to have a lumpy look. Practically 80% of women can develop cellulite, but it's not as visible compared to others, so this is a very common development for people.

Fat rolls are another physical difference you will begin to see, once again, just like every other physical development, hormones and genetics will play a part in how fat rolls develop. Usually seen around arms, legs, back, and neck. The common contribution to developing rolls is subcutaneous fat, the more you have, the more likely you are to develop fat rolls.

Now I can not fit all body types and fat development in one post, but I do encourage readers to take a look at health studies from colleges and health organizations to further your knowledge on fat and health 😀

(The next educational post is going to be for the trans ladies 😁)

[flowery-mess]

Swan Lake

Noah x ballerina reader

I will never forget the way I was feeling at that stage in front of all those people. My parents and siblings in first row, watching me with eyes full of tears and pride. I got the lead role in Swan Lake at the age of 16 which was seen as big accomplishment in ballet world. In that moment I felt happy, proud of myself and stronger than ever. But that didn’t last long.

Just a seconds after the big red curtain was closed and me and other dancers went in the direction of our changing room, I heard my name being called. Screamed, actually.

I turned around to see our trainer speed walking to me. I quickly went over the whole play in my head. What did I do wrong? I couldn’t think of anything, I felt good. She found million reasons to tell me I was a bad choice for playing the lead role, that I’m too fat and I won’t play on the next date.

That was it. That night I told my parents I’m done with ballet and I’m quitting immediately. My mother was ballet dancer too, we talked a lot about how hard it was for me lately, so she agreed with my decision and went to talk to my trainer. I packed my things and never saw that woman again. That felt like a big rock fell off my shoulders. That was 10 years ago.

-

“What are you thinking about?” Noah asked, his hand gently placed on my thigh as we were driving to my family home for Saturday lunch with my family.

“It’s 10 years anniversary of me ending my ballet career. I was thinking about it a lot recently.”

“Thinking about as?” he waited for my response as he didn’t really understand how I feel about it.

“As I miss it, I guess. I was thinking about talking with my mom about it today. Also I looked up some ballet classes in our area. But I don’t know, it was just a silly idea.” I shrugged it off.

I never really talked with Noah about my ballet career. I told him I did ballet for 14 years and quit for mental health issues. I mean, it’s very much known how the ballet industry works, so he understood. I have very mixed feelings about getting back into it at my age, so I haven’t told anyone yet.

I tried to stay healthy and fit, I sometimes go to open dance classes and sometimes I try some ballet steps. I still got it. I am a lucky one, I still have good stretches and I learn steps quickly. I just got bored of doing it only in our living room.

“Really? That’s not a silly idea, it’s actually a really cool idea. Did you find any good places?” I was surprised with Noah’s excitement. He is very supportive of everything I do, but I guess I expected different reaction.

“I like two ballet studios. They have some good teachers and also open classes, just for hobby attendance. One is on Mondays and the other one is on Thursdays, so I can try both and then see which one I like more.”

“Are you signed up already?”

“No, I am not sure Noah. It brings up lot of bad memories, 10 years ago it got me into a really bad place and I’m scared it’s going to be the same this time.” I felt tears coming as I thought of little 13 years old me crying through the whole night, because I was told I’m fat for ballet. That I’m not good enough. That I’m too tall to be a ballerina. That my skin is too pale. That I got in just because of my mother. That I’m never going to make it.

Those memories make me feel little and so vulnerable.

“I’m sure it will be great honey. If you miss it, then you should try it. But it’s your decision, okay? I don’t want to push you into anything. Take your time to think about it, talk with your mom and you will see what’s her opinion on this, right?” he brought his hand that was holding mine in it to his lips and placed small kisses against my palm.

“Thank you.” I shot him a smile which he gladly returned.

-

I loved days like today, spending time with my family. All of them love Noah, so after we have lunch, we are usually both separated and have conversation with someone else. Firstly, I talked to my siblings about college and their new internships, while Noah talked with my dad about new music and their upcoming Europe tour. My dad absolutely loves Bad omens and I am sure he is their biggest fan. When my family visits for shows, he never wants to be in the backstage, watching the show from safe space. He always goes in the crowd, which makes my mum crazy scared every single time.

I used this as a chance to talk to mom about the ballet thing that was going around in my head.

“Mom do you mind coming with me outside for a minute?”

“Of course darling.”

We took our coffees with us as we made our way to the garden and sit on the big couch that my parents had there for my whole life. That thing is going to outlive all of us.

“What is it darling?”

“What do you mean?” I tried to hide my worries, but my mom knows me too well.

“I know when my baby is worried about something. What is it? Is it Noah? Are you sad he’s going to leave for tour soon?”

“Oh no, well, yes that too, but it’s not the first time, that will be okay. It’s something I wanted to talk about especially with you.” I played with the cup in my hands and avoided the topic as long as I could.

“Come on hon, spit it out.”

“I was thinking about getting back into ballet.” I said and kept my eyes low, focused on the green grass. I looked up just because my mom wasn’t saying anything. “What? Are you going to say something? I don’t know what this face means.” I was honestly so confused with the way her face was looking at me. Was she happy about? Sad? I couldn’t tell.

“Well, I was expecting this much sooner than now.”

“What?”

“I always thought you will want to get back to it at some point in your life hon. You loved it. Aside from those ugly things, you loved ballet. I was so angry at that woman who ruined for you.”

“Why did you never say anything?” I was so confused. She was waiting for this for years and never talked about it with me?

“Because it’s your decision, not mine. I didn’t want you to think I was disappointed with you or pushing you back into it. Did you think of where would you start with classes? And would you want to take part in plays again?” She was right. It is just mine decision and with everything she saw me go through I understand she was worried.

“I found two studios near our home that look good. They have weekly open classes that I was thinking about. But I wanted to talk with you first about it.”

Then we fell into long dialogue about everything connected with be going back into ballet. My mom gave me a courage to at least try it. She said my eyes lit up when I talked about the good memories I had from my child age. She also told me that I am more mature than I was back then and even if I don’t think I can handle it, I can. And she was right.

I’m a grown woman now, I can handle myself and protect myself. It’s also just open class for everyone who wants to try ballet, there will be no judgement.

-

“I’m going to try it.” We left my parents house later than expected, so it was dark outside when we were driving back.

“The open classes? Did you talk with your mom about it?”

“Yes and she said I should give it a chance. So I guess I won’t be home on Monday evening.”

“Can I go watch you?” Noah asked.

“What?” I returned him a question, not knowing what he meant.

“I mean I never saw you do your ballet thing and you will be wearing those ballet outfits and I’m sure that will be hot.” He said as if it was obvious fact that I should’ve known.

“You’re not being serious right now, are you?” I tried to hold my laugh in at his innocent clueless face.

“Well I’m not, but I would really like to see your little ballet outfit for sure.” He turned his face to you so you could see his smirk.

“Sure, watch the road you perv.”

-

It had already been a month since I started going to open classes in the studio I chose after the first week. I chose the one closer to our home, their dance rooms were bigger and more modern and our teacher was a lovely girl, possibly my age.

And it felt amazing. It felt like I was alive again. Don’t get me wrong I loved my life with Noah, my work and everything, but this felt like the missing piece.

While I was changing into my clothes after today’s class, our teacher Molly came to talk to me.

“Listen Y/N, I know you said you have bad experience and memories with professional ballet, but we have few spots open in our semi professional group and I thought you’d be great candidate. I see you’re learning faster than anyone in your class and I’m scared you would get bored after a while. There will be auditions, but I can get a word in for you and see if you could skip them. Just think about it and let me know as soon as you decide please.”

That night I came running home to share that news with Noah.

“WHERE ARE YOU?” I screamed just seconds after I opened the door.

“Studio.”

When I opened the door Noah turned in his chair to face me.

“Did I do something?” he looked scared.

“What?”

“Why are you screaming and running, I’m scared I did something.” You let out a chuckle at his words.

“No, but I got news. Great news.”

“Let me hear them.”  I walked over to him and sat in his lap.

“I just got offered a place in semi professional group at the studio. Without auditions, Molly wants me there.”

“Honey that’s great news! That’s amazing news!” he stood up with me in his arms and spined us around.

“So you think I should accept that offer?”

“You haven’t already?”

“No, I wanted to think about it.”

“Judging by your reaction, there’s nothing to think about.” He smiled into our kiss.

“I guess I’m back on track then.” I kissed him back.

-

Long story short, I accepted Molly’s offer and started with my new group. I had classes 4 times a week, which was bit hard to get used to, but after while it was okay.

Noah left for tour, so at least I got something to do with my free time.

Noah leaving was also good for another reason. There is time difference between us, so we usually text each other or have short calls, so my worries are easy to hide.

Last week Molly told us that our group will be playing Swan Lake few months from now on, which brought back some memories. Semi professional groups still play in midsized theatre, I joined them when there wasn’t any, so I expected some play to come soon, but not this one.

I had mixed feelings about it, thinking if I want to play or if I just pass this one. Applications are closing in three days and I still haven’t applied for any role, which was weird for Molly.

She asked me about it after last class, so I told her about my ballet history, how Swan Lake basically ruined it for me. Molly is very positive person, so she told me something that got stuck in my head. She said I could take it as an opportunity and change Swan Lake from something bad to something really good in my life.

Truth is, I am thinking about applying for Odette/Odile, but I haven’t told anyone yet.

-

“Okay that’s enough love, what is going on?” Noah asked through the phone and I saw his forehead wrinkles were making his worried face. It’s scary how well he knows me, but with tomorrow being the last day for applications I needed to tell him.

“Our group is going to play Swan Lake in a few months and I don’t know if I should apply or not. It’s the play that made me quit.”

“Looks like it’s your second chance to make the best out of it. Listen, you were worried about even getting into ballet again and look at you now! I know you’re worried now, but wouldn’t you regret not even trying it?” I felt like I was on the phone with Molly right now.

“I know, I was thinking about applying for the lead role, I did it back then too. But maybe I should do other role?”

“Oh no love, if anyone is supposed to be the lead role in this play, it’s you.”

“You have to say this, you’re my boyfriend Noah.”

“Well wouldn’t you be the same if I was in your position? That’s what you do for your partner. You know how many songs would be forgotten and never released if you didn’t support me? There is lot of them I thought weren’t good enough, but you made me finish them. I may don’t understand ballet, but I understand you and I know you would regret not applying. So you get your ass up right now and fill what ever you need to fill and send it to Molly or I’m going to do it.”

And he was right, I would regret it. But I still couldn’t believe myself when I saw ‘send’ on my screen after I applied for Odette/Odile.

-

Molly informed me that me and 5 other girls applied for the same role, so there will be two rounds of auditions, first one starting on Monday, which gives me 6 days to prepare for it. Noah is also coming back home on Monday, so I’m happy I will share the outcome with him. Either we will celebrate or he will make me his comfort food and I’m happy with both options.

-

I spend the last 6 days going over the choreography for the first round of auditions. Everyday after work I went straight home and practiced. Last night I didn’t get a chance to talk with Noah, because he was already on his way back to the states. I at least talked to my mom this morning.

“Y/N you’re next.” I heard Molly from the ballet room.

-

“I’m homeee.” I heard Noahs voice that I missed so much. I left the pans on low heat and left kitchen to meet Noah in the living room.

I didn’t waste any time and went straight in for a kiss.

“Missed me much?” he managed to say between our kisses.

“Very much.” I looked at his face, tired face, and held it in my hands “Hi love.”

“Hi.” He leaned his forehead against mine as we enjoyed bit of silence and each other’s presence after month and two weeks apart.

“How was the flight?” I broke the silence, took his hand and led him into our kitchen to finish dinner.

“It was okay. I slept most of the time, but I’m still very tired. And I need a shower.”

“You can go take a shower now, it will take few more minutes until it’s done.” I pointed to the food.

“Okay.” Noah got up, left kiss on my nose and went to get shower. That’s what I thought at least. On his way to our bathroom, he realized I didn’t tell him about the audition.

“Y/N? Wasn’t the audition today?” it was, but I wanted to tell him about the result over dinner.

“It was, but I wanted to tell you later.” I tried to hide the smile on my face.

“You got through to the second audition, didn’t you?” he caught your smile and immediately knew the answer. “I guess we can celebrate right now in the shower huh? Are you going to join me?”

-

“So girls, I want to thank you for participating in this audition. It was hard to decide, but in the end, we agreed on one name. And it’s you, Y/N. We were amazed by your performance and we feel like your experience with this play could help us to make the best of it. Congratulations!” Molly gave me a hug and whispered in my ear that she knew it was going to be me from the beginning.

Noah and my mom said the same. My mom made sure she put date of the premiere in hers and dad’s calendar so they wouldn’t miss it. Noah also made sure to clear that day months in advance and welcomed me home with a flower and dinner as a celebration.

-

Breathe in, breathe out. And repeat. I stood in backstage already in my costume. I saw Noah and my parents in the first row as the rest of the room filled with strangers. Strangers that are going to be watching me in a few minutes.

“Are you ready Y/N? How are you feeling?” I felt Molly’s hand on my shoulder.

“I’m nervous, but also excited. I haven’t preformed for over decade, so I hope I don’t panic.”

“You’ll be great. We did lot of work, all of you will do great tonight.”

She then went to talk to other girls and I felt my phone buzz in my hand. It was Noah.

“Don’t be nervous, we’re very excited to see you shine tonight. You’ll kill it babe, I love you.” Oh my sweet Noah. Supportive as always.

-

I stood still in my pose as the curtain was closing. I let out a big breath I didn’t even realised I was holding in when the curtain was fully closed. I turned around to see my friends and in that moment we realized we just finished our premiere of the Swan Lake. And it was perfect. We did group hug, with Molly joining us. It was completely different than 10 years ago. This night was full of support and love.

I went to change into my normal clothes and then to meet Noah and my parents.

My dad and Noah both had bouquets in their hands and my mom had tears in her eyes. She was also the first one to pull me into a hug.

“I’m so proud of you Y/N, you can’t even imagine. You grew up into a beautiful woman and you just showed me how strong you are.”

“Thank you, mom, I couldn’t have done this without you.”

Then it was my dad who pulled me into strong hug. My dad didn’t show emotions a lot, so I appreciated him coming tonight.

I really wanted to literally jump into Noah’s arms, but I kept calm in front of my parents. They said their goodbyes and left, because they have long road ahead of them.

As soon as they left the parking lot I turned to Noah and attacked him with hugs and kisses.

“Slow down baby, let me congratulate you and give you this beautiful flower.” It really was beautiful bouquet. Noah always got me beautiful flowers.

“How was it? Did you like it?” I was interested in Noah’s opinion, because it was his first ballet play he saw.

“It was beautiful! You were amazing! I know you can stretch your legs right, but I didn’t know you can stretch them like this.” I didn’t know if I should slap his arm for his stupid comment or laugh at him as he was trying to show me what he meant and trying to do the pose he was referring to.

“Okay ballerina I get it!” I laugh and stopped him from what he was doing before he got himself injured.

“Do you want to go out for dinner and drinks? Or go home and order something? You must be hungry.” We intertwined our hands and Noah led me to his car. He was right, I didn’t eat much today, because of the nerves.

“I think I want to go home, order something to eat, have a glass of wine, have hot bubble bath and then my back could use a massage…”

“I will give you massage only if you let me join you in the bath.” Of course he wouldn’t miss that chance.

“Deal. Let’s get home.” Noah started his car and took my hand in his.

“I love you and I’m so proud of you. I’m getting tickets to every show and I’m making the guys come with me.”

“Okay.” I laughed, but I knew he was serious. I’m sure that at the next show I’m going to see the core of BO crew in the front row.

“But I’m serious, I love you.”

“I love you too Noah, thank you for being by my side for all of this.”

“Always.”

[nonotnolan]

The Great Gym Shift

Day 15 of life after the body swapping incident that affected downtown Washington DC, and life was still weird as shit.  Some people were calling it the Great Shift-- a government cover-up for a science experiment gone wrong.  I don’t think a two mile radius really deserves a “Great” moniker but I had to admit it was catchy.  Others were calling it a terrorist bioweapon meant to cause havoc across the nation’s government.  That did seem possible, but the terrorists had terrible aim if that was the case.

A few people even said it was a plan to put key politicians into younger, healthier bodies, but... I know for a fact that one isn’t true.  I was there at ground zero when the swap occurred, working as a personal trainer at the gym.  All those desirable bodies, mine included, went to some of the most pathetic white collar workers you could imagine.  Whatever happened, it was definitely an accident.

It’s been a month, and I still haven’t gotten used to my reflection.  I hope I never do, to be honest.  The government is working on getting this whole mess resolved, and I can only hope it will be sooner rather than later.  I’ve never had hair this long, and I am in desperate need a of a haircut.  Since it’s not my body, I’d have to fill out a requisition form, and I keep hoping it won’t come to that.  

One of the first things the Government did was send in the National Guard to put everyone affected into a quarantined hotel area, and then they started drowning us in regulations and paperwork.  I’m still working as a personal trainer... only now most of my clients are lazy office drones.  Those desirable bodies I mentioned?  I’m in charge of making sure their new owners keep them in shape.  I’m slowly losing my sanity.

“Mitch!  What in the hell do you think you’re doing?” I said, walking out into our shared kitchen.  Uncle Sam was putting us up in some very nice accommodations, I had to admit, but my clients-turned-roommates left a lot to be desired.

“C’mon Grady, it’s Saturday,” he said, as if that was supposed to be an answer.  I kept starting at him until he continued.  “Saturday is my self-care day, and today that means Netflix and cookies.  I don’t see what the big deal is...”

“Absolutely not,” I said, holding out my hand.  “Give me those, that is way too many calories for one serving.  We’re sharing those with the whole floor.”  He rolled his eyes and sighed at me, but at least he obeyed me.  I can’t help but feel self-conscious bossing all of these men around, especially when they’re large enough to beat me to a pulp if they knew how to leverage their strength.  The real Mitch was a lanky college intern who had no idea how to build or maintain muscle mass.  Russ would’ve had a heart attack if he was here to see even half the things Mitch wanted to do in that body.

As I walked the plate of cookies out to the common area, I couldn’t help but notice that Larry was still sitting at his room’s computer desk, shirtless and surrounded by a few wadded tissues.  Gross, but... I’ve seen Larry’s old body.  I can’t entirely blame the old pervert.  “Please tell me you didn’t stay up all night watching porn again.”

He just smiled at me, his bloodshot eyes telling me everything that I needed to know.  “So what if I did, Grady, it’s Saturday.  The fitness schedule you made for me says I don’t have to work out today, and a sleep schedule isn’t a part of the body cohabitation contract we all signed.  As long as I still eat three healthy meals today, you can’t make me do anything.  So how about giving me some privacy?”  He was right, of course.  Larry was one of my most frustrating clients, because he knew exactly how to do the bare minimum and nothing more.  Tana was one of the gym’s biggest over-achievers, so seeing his body do a complete 180 had been quite the adjustment.

I knew better than to engage with him right now-- better to save my strength for fights that I would be able to win.  I set the cookies down in our shared kitchen, waved at a few of the other guys, and retreated back to the bedroom I shared with one other man.

Simon smiled at me, and I could feel my frustrations starting to lift away.  “Good morning, Grady.  Rough start?” he asked, looking up from his book.  Simon was a licensed psychologist who happened to be at a nearby Industry Convention when the Great Shift happened, and I was so glad to have his assistance dealing with all of the heated emotions that boiled over during the aftermath.  Furthermore, Simon had ended up in my body.  It was a relief to know that my body was being controlled by someone responsible, even if seeing myself each day came with its own set of weird situations.

"You have no idea,” I said, shaking my head.  “Or rather, you have an exact idea, because you’ve also had to deal with those guys.  I don’t suppose you would be up for some... stress release?” I asked, peeling off my tank top and tossing it onto the floor.

He laughed, quickly setting aside his book and his glasses.  “In this body?  Always!”  Was it weird that I was having sex with my own body?  Maybe, but honestly, our daily hookups felt like one of the least weird things about this whole mess.  I always knew I was an attractive man, and I’ve always been attracted to anyone who keeps themselves healthy, regardless of gender.  Presumably that’s how Simon now felt-- I know that ever since I’ve been in this new Twink body, I have only felt attraction for hairy men.  Sexual attraction seemed to follow the body, not the inhabitant.

“Do you ever worry that we’re complicating things?” Simon asked.  “For whenever the government is able to switch everyone back into the right bodies, I mean.  They’ve told our loved ones that we’re in quarantine, but... how can we go back to normal life when this is all over?”  I understood where he was coming from-- his real body was at least twenty years older, and while he didn’t like sharing too much about his life, I’d gotten the impression he had a wife and maybe a few grandkids waiting for him back home.

Simon clearly had a tendency to overthink everything, and I was now used to offering friendly advice while his warm load was still inside of me.  “Honestly, I think we’re dealing with a stressful situation, and we’re all just coping however we can.  There’s nothing wrong with two consenting adults having sex.  And I don’t know about you, but... if I didn’t try to get a wide range of experiences inside of this temporary body, I think I’d regret the missed opportunity forever.”

He smiled at me.  “I suppose you’re right,” he said, as he sipped on cheap hotel coffee.  “’In sickness or in health’ wasn’t really meant to cover something so impossible.  And I’d rather seek forgiveness than forever ponder what might have been.”

“Glad to hear it,” I said, smiling back at him.  I think we both knew it was a bit selfish, but how else could we be expected to process these strange new desires?  Yeah, I guess I felt a bit guilty having sex with someone other than my girlfriend back home, but... when else would I ever get an opportunity to have sex with myself?  I don’t think there is a person alive who could blame me.

[gotham--fc]

Baby on Ice - A Nicole Hensley Imagine

You finally find out what the goalie poll was for

@grapefruit-personified requested a fic based off this tiktok, hope you enjoy!

The title is a play on baby on board and Bambi on ice

“Are you sure you don’t want me to take her?” Y/N asks. Nic shakes her head.

“I can take her.”

“You’re trying to practice, you won’t be able to if she’s there, I can take her with me, it’s fine.”

“A bunch of the girls will be there, and they’ve been begging me to bring her to the ice,” Nic says, “We’ll all get a chance to hit the ice and still have enough people to watch her. Coyne’s gonna be there too, so you know she’ll be in good hands.”

“If you’re sure,” Y/N acquiesces.

Y/N gave birth to Ava five months ago. She decided before she gave birth that she would take a full year off from hockey regardless. She doesn’t want to rush her body back and set herself back even further, and she wants the chance to adjust to motherhood before she tries to get back on the ice. She’s training, still, but lightly and mostly just trying to keep herself healthy and fit. She got a scouting job with the Minnesota Wilds, so that’s what she’s doing now, staying with hockey even if she’s not playing. It means a lot of meetings and watching clips and going to local high schools and colleges to watch kids play and write reports on the stand outs.

Today, she has a few meetings and a lot of film to watch and while it’s hard to stay focused with a baby, she can make it work, and has been when Nic has practices or games. Nic insists on taking Ava today, and Y/N is a little grateful. She was sent a film of who is apparently “the next Sidney Crosby” and needs to finish a report on him by lunch, so not having a baby demanding her attention every five minutes would be beneficial to her work. And Nic is right, all the girls there will take turns watching Ava and hopefully the fun will tire her out so she sleeps through the night.

Y/N gathers her work bag and her travel mug, gives Nic a quick kiss and then gives Ava a kiss.

“You be good today, okay?” Y/N says. Ava slaps a hand in her cereal bowl in response. Y/N barely manages to escape the spray of milk.

“We’ll be fine, now go before you’re late,” Nic says.

Y/N gives them both another kiss and then heads to her car.

***

The girls are, naturally, incredibly excited when Nic gets to the rink.

It’s not an official practice today, so it’s not the whole team, but a good chunk. They have clearly been waiting for Nic since they’re all right by the front doors. Before she can even process, Ava is pulled from her arms and Grace Zumwinkle is cooing at her. Everyone now heads to the locker rooms, leaving Nic standing in the doorway.

“Oh I see how it is,” Nic calls out, “You only like me for my baby!”

“Yep,” Coyne pats Nic on the shoulder, “That’s the curse of being a hockey mom.”

All things considered, Nic isn’t too upset that her kid gets stolen away from her right away. Her and Y/N have been exhausted. Even though Ava is old enough not to wake up every hour, she still doesn’t sleep through the whole night and during the day, between training and Y/N’s work and everything else they have to do, Ava still demands most of their attention. Nic loves her, and loves her family and she wouldn’t trade it for anything, but it’s nice to get a break sometime.

Nic suits up for practice while the girls take turns holding Ava and getting ready themselves. Nic leaves them in the locker room while she goes out for a chance to skate around and do some warmups on her own. Maddie Rooney joins her after a few minutes.

“What? You don’t want to hang out with the baby?” Nic asks.

“I can see her any time I want and you know it,” Maddie says, “I wanted to talk to you.”

Maddie and Nic talk hockey while they warmup. They chat about different strategies they have on the ice and ways they could each improve and Nic is grateful that her and Maddie have been teammates and friends for so many years and that they can turn to each other if they have questions or if they notice something they can improve on.

The rest of the girls join them after they finish their warmup. Taylor Heise is carrying Ava. The impromptu practice goes the way Nic thought it would, everyone gets on the ice and runs drills while one person sits on the bench with Ava. That lasts for over an hour, before Ava starts getting fussy. They’re playing shooting drills and Nic and Maddie are taking turns in net, and when they go to switch, Maddie pushes Nic towards the bench.

“Your kid is about to rip Pannek’s ear off.”

Nic skates over to the bench and Kelly Pannek hands off Ava. Ava calms down once Nic has her.

“Your kid’s fucking Hulk or something,” Pannek mutters as she skates onto the ice.

“What’s your problem?” Nic asks, “Why are you fussing?”

Nic sits with Ava and entertains her. Ava’s an easy baby, all things considered. She’s happiest when she’s with Nic or Y/N, so whatever bad mood she was in ends when Nic holds her. She goes back to being the happy baby she normally is.

“How are we gonna practice with Nic if she has the baby?” Maddie asks.

“Well…” Heise and Zumwinkle look at each other and Nic knows whatever they’re thinking is either really good or really bad.

It’s not exactly a good idea, but it’s not exactly bad either. It involves a little bit of planning, a little bit of acting. Heise and Zumwinkle take Nic to the locker room to get the carrier and strap it to Nic’s chest over her pads and jersey. Pannek is in charge of distracting Coyne and Nic doesn’t know how she convinced Coyne to leave the ice, but somehow she manages.

Nic, Heise, and Zumwinkle head back out to the ice, now with Ava strapped to Nic’s chest. Ava, clueless to what’s going on, is just happy to have so many people looking at her. Nic steps onto the ice and skates around for a bit, making everyone laugh.

“I think’s that counts as too many men!” Heise yells out. Nic gets in front of the net and calls Heise out onto the ice.

“Take your best shot!” Nic says.

Heise grabs her stick and a puck and skates over. Nic gets into position, mindful of the baby on her chest, and she knows Heise isn’t going to really shoot it, that this is just for fun and it’s making everyone laugh and Ava loves it. Besides, Nic’s convinced Ava’s going to be a goalie like her, so might as well get her started early.

“What the hell is going on?”

Heise fumbles the puck as Coyne’s voice rings out. She comes to a stop sheepishly in front of the net, Nic beside her. Everyone’s gone quiet, the laughing stopped, and everyone shies away from Coyne’s disapproving glare.

“Nicole Hensley give me that baby right now.”

Nic gulps and skates over without a fight. There’s no chance Nic would win in a fight with Coyne and she hands over Ava.

“We were just joking around,” Nic says, “She wasn’t going to shoot it.” Coyne’s glare doesn’t lessen. “She likes being in front of the net. She’s got goalie genes in her.”

“You’re lucky I don’t call your wife right now,” Coyne says. She looks down at Ava in her arms and her face breaks out in a smile. “Besides, you’re going to be a forward, aren’t you?” Coyne tickles Ava’s belly and she giggles. “Yes you are!”

Coyne won’t let anyone hold Ava for the rest of practice, even Nic, which is fair. Nic is slightly convinced that Coyne won’t give her Ava when they all go to leave, but Coyne just gives Nic a stern look before handing Ava back. Nic straps Ava into her car seat.

“That was exciting,” Nic says, “Wasn’t it? But we’re not going to tell your mom about it or she’ll kill me and never let me take you to practice ever again.”

Nic drives home and Y/N isn’t home yet, so Nic gets Y/N something to eat then puts her down for a nap while she takes a quick shower. Nic entertains herself until Ava wakes up then she lays on the floor of Ava’s nursery with her and plays with her toys. That’s where Y/N finds her when she gets back.

“How was she?” Y/N asks, “I hope she didn’t distract you too much.”

“She was perfect,” Nic says, “Everyone loved having her there.”

Later that night, Y/N puts Ava to bed while Nic cleans up their dinner. Nic is elbow deep in soapy water as she washes dishes when Y/N’s voice yells out.

“Nicole Hensley what did you do?!”

Nic barely has time to dry her hands before Y/N’s in front of her and shoving her phone into face. It’s Maddie’s Instagram story, a video of Nic with Ava strapped to her chest skating on the ice. Nic stammers.

“She is never going to practice with you again!”

Oh, Nic was going to kill Maddie Rooney.

[eds6ngel]

another idea: reader going over to robin and vickie’s with steve for dinner one night, robin talks to reader about how good reader is for steve, little bonding moment with robin, and reader starts to feel deeper love, then fluff with steve and maybe a reciprocation of feelings? I think that’s it for now, but you don’t have to do any of them! thank you so much for writing the series, its soooo good and I can’t wait for any spin-offs!

hi my love!! i started off with this one as it goes in the order i'd like to tackle my asks in! i changed it up slightly (not too much), so i hope you enjoy!! ♡

warnings: dad!steve. singledad!steve. 90s!au. fem!reader. use of y/n. swearing. kissing. a lil bit of making out. allusions to sex. pet names. food mentions. r is mentioned as unlabeled (so you can assign the label according to your identity!!) r being an ally. fluff. comfort. love confessions!! [2.3k].

full 'when i kissed the teacher' masterlist.

“Babe?” Steve asks you, currently attending to the dishes piled in the sink from your beautiful handmade soup the two of you had for lunch. Alena was currently staying with Jonathan and Nancy, having a sleepover with her friend Ashley, which meant you had the place to yourselves.

“Uh huh?” you reply, not tearing your eyes away from the very intriguing book about the psychology of the human mind.

“You’re accepting, right?”

The question draws you away from the paperback, looking behind you to where Steve was scrubbing away at a green bowl, placing it neatly on the drying rack. “Yeah, I would say I am. Why?” The question seemed out of the blue, almost unordinary for him. It’s not like you had an issue with said question, it was just the timing that was confusing.

“Just… I really hope she doesn’t kill me for this,” Steve mumbles to himself, just loud enough for you to catch the tail end of, “You know Robin, she’s uh… She’s a lesbian, had a girlfriend for nine years. That’s okay with you… right?”

You smile, “Of course it’s okay. It’s more than okay. People can love whoever they want to love.” You were very passionate about this topic. You hadn’t particularly labeled your own sexuality, but you were striving for the ones that didn’t fit into the heteronormative society to have as many rights as you did. You frankly thought it was stupid that they didn’t already, and that as long as relationships are consensual and healthy, anybody of age should be allowed to love and potentially have sex with whoever they wanted.

Steve sighs out, chuckling lightly, “Oh thank God. I was so scared for a second.”

“Babe, if I didn’t support gay people, I shouldn’t even be deserving of your time. Besides… I’ve been to a few protests in my life,” you smirk, quickly looking back down at your book to leave Steve standing there in shock.

“You’ve been to protests?”

“Mhmm,” you hum, “College is a wild ride babe. You end up doing things you never thought you would ever do.”

“Huh… Anyway,” he shakes his running thoughts off, “I was asking because I was wondering if you’d like to go on a double date with them. You know, me and you, Robin and her girlfriend Vickie, that sort of thing?”

“Of course!” you happily agree, “When were you thinking?”

“Well, I’ll have to check with the girls, but since Alena isn’t back until tomorrow evening, I was thinking we could grab lunch somewhere tomorrow afternoon?”

“That sounds great babe! I’m totally down.”

He puts the final dish on the rack, walking up behind you and placing a tender kiss on the crown of your head, “Great, let me just give them a call, see if they’re down too.”

“There’s nothing good on this menu,” Robin whines, “You couldn’t have chosen a better restaurant, Steve?”

The four of you were squeezed into a booth of a small sandwich shop on the outskirts of Hawkins. Steve had his hand on your thigh as he scanned through the menu to the right of you, Robin and Vickie sat opposite.

Steve scoffs, “Just because you’re an extremely fussy eater, Robin. Everyone else here seems to be fine with the menu. The menu’s good, isn’t it, babe?” His question holds a slight waver of uncertainty, his best friend making his insecurities come out.

You take a quick look up at Robin over the top of your menu, smirking away as you pretend to cringe, “Well…”

Steve’s eyes open wide as he thinks he made the biggest mistake of his life, you having to quickly put a reassuring hand on your shoulder to calm him down, “I’m only kidding babe, it’s wonderful.”

“Well, according to someone it isn’t,” he narrows his eyes at Robin, her sticking her tongue out at him. You and Vickie give each other a look, as if you were both mothers parenting your immature children.

The waiter soon comes, Robin ordering a plain chicken sandwich, as suspected, Steve a ham and cheese toastie, Vickie a cheese and salad sandwich, and you deciding on a pulled pork sandwich.

“So,” you begin to start the conversation back up, “I’ve heard the two of you have been together for nine years. That’s incredible!”

Vickie holds Robin’s hand in hers on top of the table, the other leaning against her cheek, “Yeah. Almost at the nine year anniversary. You know, it took Robin two years to ask me out. She had a crush on me since the start of ‘86, took her until the Spring of ‘88 to make a move. We were both just blubbering messes up until that point. She finally asked me out, we had our first date, and then the rest is history I suppose.”

“So, just like me and Steve,” you giggle, Steve squeezing your thigh as he smiles down at you, Robin noticing how in love her best friend looks. “Always the whole mutual pining game, huh?”

“Apparently so. After the earthquake happened here a decade ago, we had to help out at the school for anyone affected,” Vickie explains, “Well, Robin and I got put on making PB&J’s, and I got so rambly and nervous in her presence that I buttered both pieces of bread with peanut butter.”

“Yeah, I was sorting clothes, watching the two of you be all cutesy and shit from across the room.”

Robin lets her mouth hang open, “You were watching that day?”

Steve nods with a grin on his face, “Uh, yeah? My best friend talking to her crush who she wouldn’t shut up about for months? And the two of you laughing and getting along? Of course I was watching.”

Vickie sighs happily, “I’m trying to think of some questions to ask the two of you, but I think we know every detail of your relationship.”

Robin raises her eyebrows with a smirk next to her girlfriend, “Oh yeah. Every goddamn time we saw him. ‘She called me handsome.’ ‘She’s just so pretty.’ ‘What am I supposed to do?’ Over and over again. It was constant reassurance, trying to encourage him to ask you out.”

“Just to let you know though,” Vickie points at you, “We did not encourage him to kiss you and therefore lose your job. We take absolutely no responsibility in that.”

You brush her off with a wave of your hand, “I mean, it didn’t end up so bad in the end. I mean, no insult to Hawkins or anything—”

“Babe,” Steve interrupts you, “We’ve all grown up here. You can insult this place however you like.”

“I don’t like to be rude though honey, you know that!” you laugh as Steve presses a kiss to your cheek, Robin and Vickie giving each other a knowing look, “Okay, fine. Just to preface, I loved the kids I taught, okay? Nothing wrong on their part. Just… some of the teachers were extremely mean in the staff room, some parents were just absolutely awful and the place itself was just… I dunno, something felt off.”

“Yeah, because it’s a piece of shit,” Robin truthfully states, Vickie jabbing her lightly in the ribs, Robin letting out an “Ow!”

You giggle, “Yeah, it kind of is, I guess. At least in comparison to Ernie Pyle. I suppose parents take their kids education a lot more seriously there. The student population is mostly made up of ethnic minorities from disadvantaged backgrounds, so the parents want to give their kids what they never had growing up. Plus, I think it’s around 90% of the teachers already have at least three years of prior teaching experience. It’s one of the reasons they took me on actually.”

“Well, I’m glad you got your happy ending. Perfect relationship and a perfect job,” Vickie points out, “Seems like a total win.”

“Yeah,” you look up at Steve lovingly, “It was.”

You had all enjoyed your meals, no matter how adventurous your selections were. Before you all got ready to leave, Steve excused himself to the bathroom, Robin sipping the final bits of her strawberry milkshake. “I’ve never seen dingus so in love before. I imagine you must get fed up with how much he says it.”

But, that’s the thing: he’d never said it. You weren’t gonna critique him on that, you were happy to take things as slow as possible, but there was that lingering thought in the back of your mind that maybe he wasn’t as in love as you were. And you didn’t want to scare him off by saying those three words if he didn’t feel that confident in the relationship yet.

“Actually, he hasn’t said it yet…” you let out.

“What?”

“Are you kidding?”

The two girls sit there in shock as you shrug it off. “No, you have to be lying,” Robin says, “Dingus has been in love with you since… well, forever!“

“Yeah, my love’s not kidding,” Vickie adds on, “I’m pretty sure he told us after you two did the Christmas Fayre together.”

“Probably even alluded to it before that.” Robin looks you in the eye, “You do love him, don’t you?”

You nod, “Of course I love him, Robin! I just don’t want to say it, and then he doesn’t feel the same—“

“Y/N, I’m telling you,” Vickie interrupts you, “He is 100% definitely in love with you. I know that for a fact. We both do.”

Robin nods, making you lean back in your chair and pinch the bridge of your nose, “Why won’t he say it then?”

“Y/N,” Robin starts, “The first girl Steve ever said ‘I love you’ to was Nancy Wheeler two weeks into their relationship, and they broke up a year later. The second was Alena’s mother who walked out when her daughter was a few months old, leaving Steve alone with a child to raise by himself. I think he’s just scared to say it in case you leave, since that’s all he knows.”

Vickie nods along, “But, if you say it first… I think that he might calm down a little. Realise that you are the one taking initiative.”

“Just say it…” Robin says softly, “What else have you got left to lose?”

But, you could have a lot to lose. What if he was just saying it to Robin and Vickie and doesn’t properly mean it? What if you tell him and he doesn’t reciprocate? You’d lose your whole relationship.

You have no time to think as Steve re-appears, reaching for his denim jacket the other side of you, “Right, we ready to go?”

Robin and Vickie smile at you, giving you a look as they begin to stand, collecting their belongings as the four of you head out the main entrance of the shop.

After bidding farewell to Robin and Vickie, Steve drove you back home, him having to clean the house for when Alena got home, and you having to prepare resources for your class tomorrow.

He pulls up to your apartment complex, leading you to the entrance as always, like the gentlemen he is.

You grab his hand, Steve noticing that it was slightly shaking wrapped around his, “Um… Steve? I just want to say something before you go.”

He simply stares back, you taking it as a sign to continue talking. You let out a breath. It was now or never.

“I understand that you’ve been wanting to take this entire thing slowly, and I get that. But, I just want to reassure you that I am in this for the long run. I love how you treat me, and care for me. I love the dates you take me on, they are so varied. I love how kind, and caring, and slightly stupid you can be sometimes. And I guess what I’m trying to say is that… I love you.”

You can audibly hear how his breath hitches in his throat, your brain instantly taking that as a mistake, “But, don’t feel as if you need to reciprocate or anything, because I don’t want to pressure you into doing that. I just needed to let it out—”

Your rambling is stopped by Steve’s lips crashing into yours. You can’t help but let the slight moan slip from your mouth as he deepens the kiss, your hands wrapped around his shoulders as he cups your cheeks. Before the kiss can escalate, Steve pulls apart from you, leaning his forehead against yours as he whispers back, “I love you too,” a goofy smile gracing his features. “Shit, I was just so scared to say anything in case it made you leave, as that’s what usually happens whenever I say those words—”

It’s now your time to interrupt him with a giggle, “I know baby, Robin kind of told me everything.”

He shakes his head, “God, I hate her. Always revealing secrets about me.”

“Damn,” you huff, “Maybe I should hang out with her more, get more juicy details about you.”

He leans back, raising his eyebrows at you, “Absolutely not. I’ve revealed way too much of my life to her.”

You both laugh, “You’re an idiot, Steve Harrington.”

“I love you too, Y/N L/N,” he replies, leaning in to kiss you once again. You melt into the kiss, Steve swiping his tongue across your lips, asking for permission to which you accept, opening your mouth and letting his tongue slip in, the lingering taste of his sandwich invading your senses. The two of you moan, you pulling back to catch your breath, realising the two of you were technically stood directly next to a busy road. “Amy’s out with her boyfriend today… So, I have the apartment to myself…”

Steve looks down at his watch, before turning his gaze back to you, smirking and seductively replying, “I think we have time.”

i hope you enjoyed!! i will get to the rest of your asks (and everybody else's) tomorrow and during the course of next week!! ♡

taglist: @livsters @bakugouswh0r3 @nix-rose @ihatepeanutss @cats00089 @suitelif3 @clincallyonline17 @crowssixof @starkeylover @eris-rose-86 @frostandflamesfanfic

[irisinthemoon]

Until I Found You Pt. 1

[Pt. 1], [Pt. 2], [Pt. 3], [Pt. 4], [Pt. 5], [Pt. 6]

Since the event had came out, I had seen nothing but Yandere content of Rollo. Now, don't get me wrong, I like it but I also wanted to balance it out by adding in fluff and healthy relationships. Yes, this will have spoilers from the event, so beware. And while it is based on the event, there are some things I changed in order to make it fit better with the story line, so some will be my own creation. The Reader is not Yuu, she is her own person and have no connection to NRC. Thank you and please do read on!

Warning: Reader is hinted to have family issues, Reader is female, she is 18 years old since I am assuming Rollo is the same age considering that he is a third year and I wanted them to be around the same age range. This will be a series, but I am not sure in how long I will make it, probably all the way to Book 7 of the game. Two Oc's will be presented as the vice-president and secretary. Also, this is unedited, you may find grammar mistakes, hopefully not to many.

Characters: Rollo Flamm, Eliott Dupont (Vice-president), Jules Monet (secretary)

Summery: Being transported to a different world had not been part of [Name’s] plans, but neither was it to stay in it, yet here we are. She isn't complaining though, not when she has Rollo Flamm as company.

______________________________________________________________

Above into the horizon, you could just make out the first rays of sunlight kissing the night sky goodbye. The rays casted a warm and golden blanket around you, making you feel the warmth of the new day. This was how you started off your days in Noble Bell College, it was the only thing that you could consider normal in your terms. Even after being stuck in Twisted Wonderland for three months, you could not get used to the magic the city provided, or how their world was so different from yours. Sure, there had been similarities that brought you comfort, such as the sunrise you were witnessing. The sun’s warm rays kissed your cold skin gently, some of the heat bouncing off the golden bell that was behind you. 

The Bell of Salvation, it had been something you had stared in amazement the first time you saw it, even more when it rang and its magic swept the entire city in its protective embrace. While you may not be used to the magic of this world quite yet, you found comfort by just being in its presence. It was as if you had some connection to it, but you reasoned that it was mainly because it had been the first thing you saw when you opened your eyes. 

Bringing the thin blanket closer to your body, you sigh. Even if this world was so much different than your old one, you didn’t mind it. It’s not like you lost much in your old world. Family or friends were nonexistent to you before coming to NBC. There would be no one to grieve you or to look for you, not that your parents would put the effort into it. You wouldn’t be surprised if they just named you an unsolved missing persons case. At this, you chuckles, who would have thought you would end up like that?

Not that it bothered you, on the contrary, it brought you amusement. You always thought you would go out in a normal and boring way. Maybe die of old age, maybe you could fall down some stairs and break your neck, or you could be run over by a moving vehicle. Those were things you were prepared to expect, but not jumping into another dimension. That was for story books, fictional worlds that blended in with the worn out pages of your favorite books. 

You tug on a loose piece of threat in your uniform, mind deep in thought. You had thought about finding a way home when you learned about your situation. And it had kept you somewhat motivated for a while before realizing that you were just wasting your time. It hadn’t hit you until last night as you poured over a book from the school’s library. Why were you even trying so hard to return back? Sure, it was the world you were born into, the one you belonged in. But, there were no sentimental attachments that made you want to go back quickly. You were an only child, your parents often left you alone while they traveled for work, and you didn’t have friends as you preferred the silence that accompanied you since birth.

Looking at the worn out notebook that the student president gave you for your personal notes, you sigh once more. Should you just tell the headmage that you wish to stay? The staff at school were helping you find a way home, and since you had no desire to continue the search, it would be better to stop them. You didn’t want to waste their time for something you don't even want.  But if you do stay, where would you go? 

You were a magicless person, just because you were suddenly transported into a magical world didn’t mean you got some magical powers. Not that you wanted magic, you would have no clue what to do with it. But back to the original point, you wouldn’t be able to stay at NBC as it was a school for future mages, there was no place for you in this school. You could stay in the City of Flowers as it was the only place you were actually familiar with, but then there was the situation of where you would live and how you would be able to earn money for yourself. 

You were lucky the school was the one taking care of your expenses as they had to make themselves responsible for you. Still, the majority of the reason the school was paying for you was because of the student president. You had lost count in how many times the older boy had helped you. From tutoring you so you could keep up with your classes to showing you around the city so you wouldn’t feel lost. 

And while you do appreciate his help and efforts, you couldn’t help but feel like he was putting you at arm's length. 

Rollo Flamm, student council president, honors student and roll model was an enigma to you. Ever since he found you underneath the Bell of Salvation, he had made it his personal mission to make sure you were comfortable and that you would be able to process the fact that you didn’t even exist in this world. He had been there every step of the way for the last three months, to which you truly were thankful. 

Without him, you would have been just as lost as you had been when you woke up. But no matter how much you tried to thank him, Rollo simply told you that it was his duty to protect those vulnerable and that if he could help, he would. You couldn’t help but feel like there was something more to it. However, it was none of your business, so you let it be.

Even if you wish to get to know the white haired boy more. 

Flipping one of the pages of your notebook, you read the messy handwriting. Some of it was readable, other parts not so much. Flipping to the next page, you pause at a small drawing you had done not so long ago. It was just some flowers, nothing too specific, but one always caught your attention. 

One that you couldn’t help but always draw in red ink.

Soft footsteps along with the creaking of the old wooden stairs snapped you out of your thoughts. Closing the journal and placing it inside your student robes, you cross your legs and wait for the familiar voice that always manages to ground you. The footsteps reach towards the latch, you hear the soft huff Rollo makes before the creak of the latch door greets you. 

“Good morning [name].” 

With a smile, you turn around and greet him. “Morning president, how are you this fine morning?” Your voice was carried by the gentle wind, causing it to bounce off the walls of the bell tower. Rollo gives you an unamused look, one that you had grown fond of. To others, it would have looked like he was irritated but you pride yourself in the fact that you could read people like one of your books.

“I’m quite fine, I see that you are the same as always.” Taking a seat in one of the chairs at the corner of the room, Rollo pulls out the familiar basket that you had come used to seeing. Standing up from the edge of the bell tower, you make your way towards the boy and take a seat across from him. You watch him in silence as he pulls out two loaves of bread, some cheese that is wrapped neatly in plastic, some fruit in a container, and finally, freshly made orange juice.  

Your eyes followed his hands as he divided the food equally. It was something they had ever since you came to NBC. You adored moments like these ones, it allowed you to spend more time with the boy before your classes began. Plus, even if you did manage to find time to see him, he was mostly busy with his duties as a student. Especially now that the Masquerade that he was planning was close.

Still, you were glad he made time for you. 

“Thank you for the meal.” You said softly, waiting for him to finish setting his own food. The first bite was always heaven on earth. Holding in a moan at the heavenly taste of the bread (which you knew he makes himself no matter how much he denies it), and chewing it slowly in order to fully appreciate his efforts. Rollo keeps a close eye on you, not that you notice much as your full attention was on the bread in your hands. 

Next, you opened the cheese carefully, knowing how much Rollo didn’t like making a mess of the food. Especially when it was in the bell tower he adored. With a plastic knife inside the basket, you cut off four thin slices, two for you and two for the boy. With a small mumble of thanks, Rollo adds it to his bread, you followed his steps. 

Another set of heavenly tastes explode in your mouth with the addition of the goat cheese (which you also knew he made). Both of you ate in silence, only the sound of the birds waking up along with the ruffling of leaves accompanied the both of you. You liked these mornings, even if they were quiet and Rollo didn’t speak much. To you it was perfect.

Finishing the rest of the food along with the orange juice, you clean your fingers off with a napkin offered by the white haired boy. And just like the other mornings before this one, you get to clean alongside him. The peaceful quiet and the morning air put you in good spirits, especially when you share them with him. 

“How have your studies been coming along?” The question makes you pause as you wipe the table from leftover crumbs. “They have been well for the most part. I managed to understand the material from last class thanks to you.” Smiling at him, you continue to clean your space. “That's good, if you ever need my assistance, don’t hesitate to reach me.”

You hum in agreement, warmth spreading in your chest. “And you?” You already know what his grades are. After all, Rollo is the top student in the academy and the student council president. You know he is smart, but it doesn't hurt to ask in return. “Same as always.” And his response is short as ever. 

Looking at him while he busied himself packing away the utensils you used, you let yourself really look at him. His skin looked pale as ever, but it wasn’t as if it was unhealthy. Even with his paleness, he still had a healthy glow. However, when you looked into his eyes, you noticed how his eyebags seemed darker. At this you frown, was he getting enough sleep? 

Knowing him, he was probably getting the bare minimum of rest. 

Suddenly, his green eyes glance up at you. “Have you been getting sleep?” You asked. Rollo merely huffs as he always does whenever you ask a question that seems meaningless to even ask. “I have, why do you ask?” You raised an unimpress eyebrow at him. “Because I know the Masquerade you have been planning is next week, I know you want the students from the other schools to have a good time. Adding on to the fact that you still have to keep up with your other responsibilities.”

Instead of calling him out on his bullshit, you simply hid your worry and asked him about the Masquerade as an excuse to ask him about his health. As you had made note about it earlier, Rollo is an enigma that keeps you at arms length. While he spends time with you, he doesn't bother getting to know you or lets you ask any questions regarding him other than ones related to school work. Still, you made it work somehow, even when it still left you more curious about him. 

“The Masquerade is going on as planned…” Rollo paused for a moment, his face gaining that familiar scowl he seems to always wear when something irritates him. “However, the costumes I had ordered for our guests won’t make it on time.” 

“Why is that?”

“The student incharge of sending the request apparently forgot to do the actual sending.” Rollo sighs with an eye roll. “And now it’s too late to send the request.” His green eyes shone in the morning sunlight, allowing you to see just how pretty they were even with the anger swimming in them. To you they will always be as breathtaking as the first time you laid your eyes on them. “And then there is the matter of sending out the final invitations and finalizing the number of rooms we will spare for NRC and RSA students.” 

You watched carefully in how he began to pace in the small room in the bell tower. His black shoes made a sharp click-clack with each step he took. The red transparent sash-like on his hat swaying along with him. The rays of the sun just made his sharp features stand out even more, truly, no painting or picture would do him justice. 

You let Rollo rant even when he says he doesn't need to rant about his responsibilities. The sound of his voice soothes you, you liked the sound of his voice. Even when he talked about studies of your classes you shared, you truly didn’t care what the topic was about as long as you could hear him speak. 

“I can help you if you want.”

Startle, Rollo turns to look at you with those piercing green eyes. He blinks a few times, letting your words process in his head. “Help me?” He asked after a few seconds of silence. You nod your head, a smile on your lips. “I can help you with all three things if you want.” Rollo blinks again, the anger in his green eyes softening into a hidden amusement. “Will you be able to balance it out with your school work?”

You let out a small giggle, “Hey now, I know I may not have that fancy magic that students have here. But I am pretty capable of dealing with things such as invitations, reserving rooms for guests staying over for a couple of days, and designing costumes.” 

An unreadable emotion crossed Rollo’s eyes, the soft, hidden amusement vanished as the familiar anger took over. “You don’t need magic.” The bitterness in his tone startled you. While you were used to hearing him sound annoyed or angry, not once did you hear that kind of tone. Nor have you ever seen his eyes burn with so much distaste. “The students in this school along with the ones coming here all rely on magic like fools. Even with simple things such as writing or cooking, they always need the assistance of magic.” He turns to face the wall, the beginnings of a sneer forming on his lips before covering it with his purple handkerchief. 

You stare at him, uncertainty pooling in your gut. You had known Rollo had something against magic, even when he was a magic user himself. He didn’t voice it, but you could see it in the way he hardly used it unless it was necessary such as his classes or homework. And when he spoke of magic, he tended to avoid the conversation, even when Eliott and Jules, his vice-president and secretary, praised him for learning a difficult spell or told you of his unique magic. Rollo never once bragged about his magic. 

He simply covered the lower half of his face with a handkerchief and looked the other way.

You wanted to ask him about it, but never did. You could see and feel how that was a can of worms that Rollo was not going to open with anyone, less alone someone he just met. And you weren’t sure if you wanted to even open that can of worms, not if it meant pushing him or losing that little trust you work hard to earn from him. 

Instead, you did what you were best at.

“Well yeah, but I didn’t mean that I was useless without it. I just meant that I know how to do those kinds of things since back home, I used to help my parents with stuff like that.” Coming from a rich family meant making events to put the family in a good light. Which made you responsible for helping with invitations and booking rooms for the guests that would come along. 

“Writing invitations and making last minute bookings are no problem for me. As for the costumes, I can make them! I’ve done that before!” The anger in Rollo’s eyes dimmed, “...Will it interfere with your school work?” You shake your head, “Nope, I finished everything ahead of time since I wanted to have the day free for the Masquerade.” A light blush covered your cheeks. You didn’t mention that the reason you wanted that day free was because you wanted to spend it with him.

“You mentioned that you had experience with it, how come?” Glad that Rollo was no longer angry, you begin explaining. “Well, my family is kinda like a big name in the fame industry. My mom is an actress while my dad is a singer. Both tend to throw parties every couple of months, so I get stuck with making invitations and bookings for the people invited. It’s not hard for me to find good places for them to stay in and I know how to handle clothing situations.” 

The lord only knows how much you struggled to get used to it. Even at a young age, your parents’ fame was suffocating. Everything you did was being watched by hundreds of eyes, not once did you have a moment for yourself. You couldn’t go to school like most kids your age, and homeschooling wasn’t as exciting. That was many of the reasons you liked it here in the City of Flowers. 

No one knew who you were, no one to target you because of your parents, no heavy responsibilities other than doing school work, and being able to hang out with classmates and friends. It was all you could wish for, and from what you could tell, friends help each other. And you wanted to help Rollo, sure, the moody french-man hasn’t called you a friend, but you could tell by his actions that he did like you, maybe tolerated you at best.

Plus, back then, the things you did bored you to death. You didn’t have much of a choice in doing them and your parents never asked you if you wanted to do them. They figured that it would be easier to give them to someone who wouldn’t be able to say no when their assistants were flooded with work. And it's not like you could use school work as an excuse to not do it.

Rollo looks deep in thought, his purple handkerchief no longer covering his face. “Hey, it’s fine if you don’t want me to do it. I mean, it’s a big celebration, one that I heard is done yearly. Plus, NRC and RSA students are being invited for the first time, things need to be perfect.” Fiddling with your fingers, you looked away, missing the soft look Rollo gave you.

“It’s fine, I trust in your abilities. However, are you sure you want to also take over the costumes?” By the time you looked back at him, Rollo was back into wearing his poker face. “Sure! I have done some before when I needed to wear something.” And it was the only thing you could do that made your parents proud. A fashion designer from the great [Last Name} family. 

“Just give me their measurements and I should be fine.” You added before the negative thoughts took over. Instead, you stand up and walk towards him, a carefree smile on your lips. “How hard can it be? I am sure it’s only a couple of people.” And just as he has done since you started your stay here, Rollo offers his left elbow. “Ever the gentleman.” Intertwining your elbow with his, both of you make your to the latch.

Rollo huffs in amusement as he opens it and lets you go first. He follows you after he closes the latch and once again offers his elbow to you. Taking it again, the two students make their way down the stairs and into the entrance of the bell tower. Humming a small tune under your breath, you finally let out the smile you had been trying to hide. 

Just as both of you walked down the flower path to your first class, the familiar chime of the Bell of Salvation rings. Warm and gentle magic washes over you like the summer breeze making you sigh in content. Rollo hums, a calm expression on his face. 

“Very well then, I will let you help me. We only need to send one more invitation as I took care of the others. For bookings, the students from NRC and RSA are to stay on campus in the left wing of the school, the rest of the guests will be staying in different hotels offered by the city.” You nod along, mentally memorizing the important details. 

“The list of guest will be sent to you by Jules, you will sort them out into rooms based on their importance.” By the time he finished explaining the way the booking process was going to work, the both of you had arrived at your first period. Students were already flooding the halls, some talking to friends, others trying to do some last studying before their quizzes or tests. 

Letting go of his arm, Rollo turns to face you, a small, barely there, smirk on his face. “As for the costumes, we will need a total of 13 for NRC students and 2 for RSA. With all of them combined, there will be a total of 15 costumes needed by the second to last day of the Masquerade as the actual ball will be held that day.” His smirk grew a little bigger once he saw your wide eyed expression.

“Worry not [name], I will make sure you have help along the process. We will also be purchasing the material you will need, so don’t be afraid to request more if you need to.” Opening and closing your mouth like a goldfish, you could simply stare at him in shock. “F-Fifteen?!”

Now, you may pride yourself in designing clothes of any kind, but there has to be a limit! You couldn’t possibly do 15 costumes in one week! Rollo holds his purple handkerchief up to his face, his shoulders shaking as he looks at you with amusement. “I jest, some of the students from the fashion club managed to do most of the costumes. Unfortunately, they got flooded with other requests from the city and were unable to start the last one”

At this, you relax, but smile nonetheless. It was rare when Rollo allowed himself to joke around. “Great seven, you had me scared for a moment.” Poking his chest with your index finger, you laughed. “But I can definitely help with the last one! Just give me the measurements along with a reference picture of the person who will wear it.”

Rollo nods, then pauses. “Picture…?” You nod with a small hum. “Yeah, I need to see how they look like in order to make the costume in their aesthetic. Plus, I need to be able to see which colors will fit them best.” Rollo frowns, a bitter resentment flashes in his green eyes. “...Very well,” Glancing at the clock hanging by the classroom entrance, he mumbles under his breath. 

“Just come to the council room once classes are over. I will tell you what you need to do in better detail.” Before you could question him in his sudden change in mood, Rollo gave you a head pat, bidded you goodbye, and turned to take his leave. “Um! S-See you at lunch!” You had spoken before even thinking. Some of the lingering students gave you a glance in confusion. Rollo turned around, huffed, then nodded. 

“Yes, see you at lunch [name].”

You took that as your cue to enter your classroom. Taking your usual seat at the back of the class, you sigh. Contrary to what many said about Rollo, he was very expressive. Not in the physical way, but his eyes always let out what he was feeling at the moment. He wasn’t always like this though, back when you had met him, Rollo was hard to read. It was thanks to him getting somewhat close to you that you managed to read him like a book. 

And even then, there were certain emotions you couldn’t decipher when it came to him. Still, it was progress, and who knows, maybe you will be able to get closer to him now that you will also be helping with the Masquared’s preparations. 

With a delighted hum, you prepared your material for class. 

[subliminalbo]

Minds of Romero #3: The Goddess' Army

Goddesses (4.8 stars) is a small gym located a few blocks from College Ave, the main road that runs through Carpenter State University. It sits in a small plaza wedged between a Domino’s Pizza (2.3 stars) and one of the last EB Games (3.9 stars) in the United States. Despite its modest exterior, Goddesses is popular with both Carpenter State students seeking to drop their freshman fifteen and bored Stoker trophy wives trying to stay fit for their wealthy husbands. Goddesses was founded by Liza Mars (pictured left) and Felicity Cooke (pictured middle), Carpenter State alumni and former college roommates who shared a vision of an all-female fitness center where healthy goals and body positivity are the priority. Word of mouth was good to Goddesses in the early days, but even as business was booming, a relationship between old friends was starting to turn.

Liza From the beginning, Liza was the face of Goddesses. Fun, charismatic, and wildly outgoing, Liza was a popular face on the floor and a force in recruiting new members. The division of labor was simple: Felicity maintained the business while Liza built the brand. But as her own social media presence took off, Liza grew bigger than Goddesses. She was something of an influencer now. More than an athletic trainer—she rebranded herself as a fitness guru.

Liza left Felicity to run the business while she traveled on the company’s dime. It started when she confessed her curiosity in holistic medicine and spiritual remedies to a gym member. Susan Lucas didn’t fit the profile of their average member—the mid-fifties mother of two was an accomplished publisher working for Carpenter State press with little free time on her hands—but she was just the right person to feed Liza’s growing curiosity. Susan confessed to her that she was overseeing an overhaul of Carpenter State’s intranet, building a comprehensive catalog of all literature, textbooks, film, and research in the CSU library.

“You wouldn’t believe the things I’ve read,” Susan laughed between reps at the weight bench.

“Watch yourself,” Liza said as she spotted above Susan. She was in a minor state of disbelief how much this fifty year-old woman could bench. “God,” she added. “I’d love to take a look at some of that research.”

“Oh, you can!” Susan said between breaths. “The Carpenter State Digital Library Initiative is a public resource. All you need is to access a computer on campus. Of course, it’s the content on the private server that’s really interesting.” “Private server?” “Sensitive research that our friends in the office of university compliance have deemed unsuitable for public eyes. You need clearance to access that stuff.”

“Like a…need to know kind of thing?” Consider Liza hooked.

What seemed like a simple favor from a thankful member spiraled beyond anything anybody could have imagined. Over the next several weeks, Liza began researching at the Carpenter State University Library. A couple of odd hours here and there became tireless nights sitting in front of an outmoded computer sifting through old research, newspaper clippings, even student theses. With the help of Susan’s password, she was able to go deeper into the secure server of the intranet, consuming information that few had ever seen before.

Her sudden departure took everyone by surprise, not the least of which was her partner, Felicity, who was growing tired of her best friend’s absence. But Liza insisted that she’d stumbled onto something big. Bigger than herself, bigger than Felicity, bigger than even Goddesses.

“This is old world stuff, Fel,” she said. “Bringing it back here will change everything.” “I don’t even know what that means!” Felicity protested.

But Liza wouldn’t take no for an answer. The next day she booked a flight to Krasnoyarsk Krai.

Felicity Felicity was at her wits end when Liza announced her trip to Russia. “Old world stuff” sounded an awful lot like, “a chance to pose in front of an old ass building for my Instagram fans.”

No. Felicity knew that she had to stamp those thoughts out. When this thing became public, when people learned of the rift between her and her old friend, Liza’s fans would immediately accuse jealously torpedoing their business. And sure, she definitely was a little jealous. But Felicity refused to let herself feel anything other than professional concern.

At first her suspicions felt justified as Liza posed across Europe on Instagram to a chorus of “slay queens” in the comments. But as the weeks dragged on, Liza’s feed dropped off. It wasn’t that she’d stopped posting on her social media pages, Felicity couldn’t even get Liza on the phone. When she failed to show up for an important conference call with a Romero investor, it was the final straw. Felicity began her plans to arrest full control of the business from Liza as soon as she returned. She hired lawyers, drafted a new business strategy, even hired a locksmith to change the locks on the gym.

But before Felicity could set her plan into motion, she arrived to the gym one morning to find Liza waiting for her in the office. Staring at her old friend, Felicity realized that she couldn’t go around Liza’s back. She had to tell it to her straight. But Liza wasn’t interested in anything Felicity had to say.

“I understand,” she said. “But Fel, trust me, you need to see this.” “I don’t care about your old world bullshit, Liza!” Felicity protested. “Ever since you hooked up with that crazy Susan bitch you’ve left me holding the bag.” “But it’s all for something bigger, babe.” Liza said. “Fuck you, Liza!” Felicity cried. “This was our dream. Our dream. And you’re going to throw it all away for a few thousand likes?”

Liza shook her head. “It’s not about the likes. Please, just listen.”

Reaching into her bag, Liza pulled out a small glass case, a cube no bigger than a jewelry box. She placed it flat on Felicity’s desk.

Felicity really didn’t have time for her holistic bullshit. She was prepared to escort Liza out, to call the locksmith in early, but a glimmer in the glass case caught her eye.

“Do you see?” Liza asked. Her eyes seemed to sparkle in tandem with the glass. “What is it?” Felicity asked, her anger seeping out of her body as if drained by the object sitting in front of her.

It took her a moment to even register that there was something encased in the glass. The way the light caught the stone’s sharp angles, bouncing off in all directions, created an optical illusion that made it appear to glow with all the colors of the rainbow. As she looked closer, concentrating on its eerie glow, Felicity felt like it was more than an illusion. That the colors were pulsating. A soft and steady rhythm, a heartbeat. The stone was alive.

“What I’ve been searching for,” Liza smiled. “A shard from the Tunguska meteorite.”

“A meteorite,” Felicity repeated. Her initial response was more anger—that Liza would jeopardize everything they’d built in Romero for a piece of space rock. But those feelings were swallowed up by the stone the moment she felt them, leaving her words hanging in empty space.

“So much more,” Liza sighed. She stepped forward and popped the top of the small case, taking the shard between her thumb and forefinger. She offered it to her friend. Moving on instinct now, Felicity took the cool stone in her hand.

Not just cool. The smooth, black stone was every sensation that Felicity could imagine. Cool, hot, wet, dry, funny, sad, arousing. She was overwhelmed by its power, losing herself in its touch. The thoughts in her head were shifting, words mutating beyond a language she understood. Something ancient, something somehow older than time.

Standing there in her office, studying this stone resting in the palm of her hand, Felicity came to understand why Liza had grown so consumed by chasing the stone. Liza stepped forward, placing her hand on Felicity’s shoulder. When she spoke again, her words took the form of the same, indecipherable language. Felicity understood every word.

“The end is near, Felicity.” She said. “The Goddess demands an army for the coming war.”

Felicity blinked, her eyes shining bright now, cool and reflective under the dim neon of her office lights. She spoke too in the strange language now. “Yes, Liza. I accept my place in Her army. I will be a soldier to the end.”

“We will build Her army here,” Liza said. “Yes,” Felicity replied. “We have the numbers. We shall build Her army in Her image.”

And that was how Felicity, who had once been Liza’s biggest critic, became her first convert.

Corrine Corrine (pictured right) was among Goddesses’ first members and in the years since its opening it had become a home away from home, a place to clear her head after a long day working at the dance studio. The women there became family. Though she felt dumb admitting it, the hardest part of her pregnancy was the time away from them. Though she stayed in contact with her gym girlfriends at first, her body image began to dip around the second trimester and she simply couldn’t be around them anymore. Not until the baby was here.

Still, she watched from a distance as her friends posted exciting updates from Goddesses. They were more vocal than ever about fitspiration, adopting new language, calling themselves “soldiers” and “warriors.” Corrine assumed that it was a new fitness movement, and she was disappointed to be left out of it. She feared how much a gym could change in a few months.

Those six months crawled by so slowly, but when it was all over, she was ready and eager to return to Goddesses. It wasn’t simply that she wanted to work off her pregnancy weight, she just wanted to see her old friends again. Goddesses itself hadn’t changed much in the months since she’d been a regular, but the culture was a complete shock. Liza and Felicity, for example, were more hands on than they’d been before she left. In the past they occasionally wandered the gym making small talk with members, but rarely took an active role in training. Now Liza was teaching a course in self-defense, odd close quarters contact techniques that she claimed to have been developed in the old world. Meanwhile, Felicity led classes of Mantra Cycling. Long, exhausting hours of peddling and repeating the phrases flashing on the television screen in front of the cyclers.

“I am a warrior. My body is an instrument of the goddess. It is my duty to perfect it.”

At first, Corrine laughed at the odd changes. She stuck to herself, stepping into the gym each afternoon, moving passed the Mantra Cycling classroom and the newly installed dojo to an empty row of exercise bikes, choosing her favorite workout tunes over that awful, droning ambiance that had replaced the typically upbeat music over the PA.

“I’m just not feeling it anymore,” Corrine said to her friend Stacy one afternoon in the locker room. “What do you mean?” Stacy asked. “I mean like…I’m already stretched thin with the baby and I could use the extra money…” “You mean you’re going to cancel your membership?” Stacy crossed her arms and flipped her hair in a dramatic gesture of disbelief.

“It’s just that so much has changed, Stacy,” Corrine continued. “I feel like everyone’s left me behind.”

“You’re not even trying Corrine,” Stacy protested. “You haven’t even sat in on a session of Mantra Cycling.” “That’s it, Stacy. That’s my point. This whole place went from the coolest fitness center in Romero to a cult in like six months. I’m worried about you. I’m worried about everyone.”

Stacy blinked, her face suddenly blank. Conditioned to defend her goddess from all threats, she couldn’t let Corrine leave this locker room.

“What are you doing?” Corrine demanded as Stacy pulled her into a headlock, pressing her body against the cold metal of the locker. She tried to fight back, tried to jam herself free from Stacy’s arms but her friend had bulked up since the last time they worked out together.

“Don’t fight me, Corrine,” Stacy said calmly. “I’m taking you to Felicity’s office. That is where you’ll see.”

The next day, Corrine returned to goddesses with a new perspective. She entered the glass doors separating the classroom from the rest of the gym and took her seat on an exercise bike, eager for her first day of Mantra Cycling. Her first day as a soldier for the Goddess.

Corrine is just one of many Romero women who have been corrupted by Goddesses. Though membership has plummeted in recent months, Liza and Felicity are motivated by a force far greater than money. Slowly they build their army, preparing for a war foretold by voices beyond time.

[happyk44]

Do you have anymore of this written? Annabeth's way of helping Percy actually making it worse until he runs away and finally gets a taste of peace elsewhere? I love it so much.

https://www.tumblr.com/happyk44/749307578218053632?source=share

Pretty sure I've written something (or a couple somethings) similar to that piece before. It's a concept I really like. One of my first "Percy runs away to the Nome" pieces points out that Annabeth has been kind of preparing for the inherent trauma in being a demigod under the thumb of not so helpful gods her whole life compared to Percy who was thrown into it at random and retains a lot of bitterness over it versus passive acceptance the way Jason and Annabeth have kind of grown up to. Yeah, she has her beef with Hera but like. More or less, it's kind of "that's just how the gods are" with her and Percy is very much "well they should be fucking better".

I think that with her having known she was a demigod since she was a little kid, the difficulties she went through in getting to camp with Thalia, Grover and Luke, Thalia's sacrifice and seemingly having been holding onto the possibility of war at least since she was 12 and Percy came flailing into her life and into the prophecy - she's just able to compartmentalize her pains better than Percy who we know suffers more aptly with emotional regulation and anger issues. Whether she processes them in a healthy manner through this or represses, represses, represses is up to you, but I can see it being her default, and subsequently she gets very stressed out about Percy not being able to do the same thing.

Also people just process trauma differently and Annabeth gets very headstrong and stubborn about being right and that her way of doing things is superior (which is. like. one of the reasons I lowkey wanted to add her to the cluster B roster because imo her fatal flaw would fit NPD so well, but unfortunately I don't think enough of the diagnostic criteria suits her so RIP). So her way of handling trauma not working for Percy doesn't make sense to her, or the fact that Percy is still clearly having problems even if he pretends otherwise just makes her feel like he's not trying hard enough to get over it, so she starts pushing in ways that don't help because she's Annabeth and she knows how Percy works and she can map his way through this and if he would just try, then it would work (except they don't and they won't).

I've also mentioned before that Annabeth strikes me as someone who gets so beholden to her ideas and plans that any deviation from that plan (even if not well-thought out) is Not Allowed, and no matter how obvious the solution (change course, make other decisions, break-up and stay friends), she is extremely reluctant to do so. In Tartarus, she clung to the idea of her and Percy making it out alive and safe and moving to New Rome and being happy and going to college and growing old together and now, faced with the reality that the goal is likely unattainable (I really don't see Percy moving to California for college of all things, like let's be real) or facing some hitches (Percy's depression and self-isolation negates the whole happy and healthy thing), she gets further into her head about him not being able to get with the program.

So she tells him how to fix himself. He can't do it because her methods don't work for him like they work for her. She gets mad because there's no improvement from him and she doesn't know what else to try because she's exahusted all the options that Make Sense and Will Help Him and her way of doing things is right so he must be doing something wrong or not trying at all. He starts to withdraw from her because Percy doesn't really instigate fights and he's angry and unhealthy and doesn't want to hurt his girlfriend, and she gets mad because that's not how this is supposed to work, and they argue and the cycle just continues over and over and over again unti he's gone.

Personally I can write Percy disappearing in a bunch of ways. He fakes it until he realizes he can't make it and no one notices. He fakes it and people notice but they can't get him to open up about it. He suffers obviously but no one knows how to help him and he refuses to communicate. It will always culimaniate in him turning to isolation, turning to self-harm, turning to suicide, turning to whispering Carter's name like a desperate lifeline because if he kills himself Grover might die and his mom might be sad (he doesn't know, Estelle is there and she's good and she's normal and it's fine, his mom doesn't really need him, does she?) and Annabeth would probably be mad at him.

And if he calls out for Carter and he doesn't come or he doesn't care, well, then at least he can say he tried getting help, right? He didn't give up right away. He tried.

(Carter will always come and always offer the Nome as sanctuary and Percy will always accept it, even if he freaks the fuck out when they get there)

[you-are-my-king-now-cariad]

Discord Thoughts

So basically this is room for me to talk about things in the Discord that inspired/reminded me of certain things, that I wanted to say but the conversation moved on, etc. In other words, I’m just rambling here. But y’all seem to like that, so here. No particular ordering of anything besides the order they came up-and some of them might be from my irl friends, I’m not actually sure.

Alice as Regent/Squire

Staying Close

Root Will Save Him

Willark VS Brelwyn

This might be my Brel Glasses, but it seems like William and Lark are intentionally the opposite of Bree and Sel. We don’t see them much, but we do know a few things: William is unquestionably good and pure, neither of them seem like they’re going to make a move, and Lark is remarkably perceptive about Brel.

1. William and Sel are surprisingly accurate foils. (Is it still a foil when they’re kind of opposites?) One is lawful good (and is proud of that) and the other is chaotic good. One is human, one is demon. One is never going to hurt anyone unless he absolutely has to, the other is… uh, Sel. Obviously both are generally ‘good,’ but Sel is fighting off an internal chaotic evil demon-not exactly going to blame him for being less than angelic. Also considering William has always been a safe space for Bree, particularly when Sel’s actively hunting her, and that they’re friends? It starts to feel intentional. Am I making any sense at all?

2. Both Lark and William are the definition of incredibly adorable gay panic.

Instalove VS Devotion

Okay, this is the first one I’m actually typing out bc I have the most to say about it and it’s probably the least coherent. Thanks @paigeagainstdamachine for making a vague comment that started this whole train-

I’m not saying instalove is ‘bad,’ or that her relationship with Nick is somehow fake because it was fast. Let’s get that out of the way. You can absolutely have a fast romance that is still incredibly real and long-lasting-see my parents, who were dating for 6 months before getting engaged and are still married after ~25 years.

But I will say that as someone currently in high school… I’ve seen this movie a lot. It’s true love with the boy who just moved in next door, until he’s not new and shiny anymore and you start seeing all the shitty parts of his personality. He’s not a bad person, either-just one too many red flags or negatives, but it’s not like he’s abusive or cheating or anything.

This doesn’t have to echo in Legendborn. I do believe that Nick genuinely loves Bree, and that it’s mutual. (At the very least, whatever they have is more than just friendship.) I’m just… if they’re endgame, they shouldn’t feel so immature. Yes, they’re adorable (especially in LB), but it feels like a high school romance-and it is. It feels like my brother’s senior relationship-they were going to different colleges and both agreed that they probably wouldn’t be able to manage long-distance, so there was a time limit from the beginning. I can’t actually explain why Brick feels so… young? It just does.

Brel, on the other hand? Yeah, ofc it’s also a high school romance, but like… there is so much trust and devotion and it feels natural. They have the kind of relationship where you actually can stay friends when you break up because you just fit together. Then again, I’m just a sucker for well-written edgy demon boys, so I could be a little biased. They fight, but a healthy relationship isn’t defined by ‘we don’t ever fight.’ It’s defined by ‘we can forgive and forget.’ It’s defined by ‘no matter how angry I might be towards you, whatever mistakes you’ve made, I don’t want you to suffer.’ And that’s exactly what Sel and Bree have found.

“We fought…”

“We’ll always fight, I think.”

They fight, and they move on. They forgive. They love the other no matter what. And not to be a Sel apologist, but uhh this is exactly the kind of relationship he’s needed for so long and as much as the “I can fix him” mindset is awful she literally is giving him a reason to be a good person. Both make really big mistakes, and they get mad, say and do things they shouldn’t… but they always, always come back together.

[stormdragon23]

Shadows of a Mother is finally updated

After like. Half a year. Sorry

Full chapter below:

“Oh, you bought fried chicken?” Jin-Ah asked excitedly after seeing her mom enter the apartment with the familiar restaurant bag. “Did something good happen? You always say that it’s not healthy to eat fried food.”

Kyung-Hye smiled as she closed the door and took off her shoes. “Well, it’s been a while since we’ve had it, and you’ve been working hard in school.”

As Kyung-Hye was getting older and wasn’t that physically strong, she kept an eye on her health, though she didn’t have to do so as much anymore. She stayed fit from the System due to the daily quests that forced her to exercise. The quest reward from the double dungeon that made her “immune to any abnormalities in her status” was also helpful in preventing her from getting ill or suffering from anything that would harm her body.

After concluding that the reward made her immune to poisonous substances, Kyung-Hye ingested the Kasaka’s venom gland she had, and it neutralized the side effect the venom would have had on her muscles. 

“How have your classes been lately? Are you having any trouble?” Kyung-Hye asked as they began to eat.

Kyung-Hye couldn’t afford tutoring for Jin-Ah like most students in her class, but Jin-Ah started working harder in school to become a doctor ever since her brother fell under Eternal Sleep. While her kids had moments of bickering as siblings, they genuinely cared about each other, and it hurt Kyung-Hye to see how Jin-Ah looked at her brother when they visited him at the hospital.

“School’s been good,” Jin-Ah answered as she took a bite of chicken. “But Song-Yi is still considering becoming a hunter instead of finishing school. She even skipped class the other day to get a license.”

“Is she?” Kyung-Hye asked, concerned.

“Yeah, but she’s always changing her mind, so she’ll probably get over it soon.”

She knew her daughter had been friends with Han Song-Yi since they were children and had been very close. While Kyung-Hye didn’t know what kind of situation Song-Yi was in, she hoped this decision was simply Song-Yi being young and rebellious rather than a need to get some money. 

The thought of someone her daughter’s age having to find a way to make a living was distressing as she would never want to see her children have to do such a thing, and it was her responsibility as a parent to make sure that didn’t happen.

I would hate for Jin-Ah or Jin-Woo to risk their lives to make money, like the people in the double dungeon. Or the hunters in that last raid-

Kyung-Hye thought back to how her previous raid had ended. Leaving those people behind in the gate... 

“I’m going to rest for a bit, okay?” Kyung-Hye told Jin-Ah as she stood up.

Jin-Ah gave an affirmative hum as she swallowed a mouthful of food. “Are you going to eat some more chicken?”

Kyung-Hye shook her head. “No, but if you could put away the leftovers, that would be great.”

Jin-Ah nodded, and Kyung-Hye smiled before heading to her room.

As Kyung-Hye went inside the bedroom and closed the door, she took a deep breath before she lay on her bed and covered her eyes with her arm, still processing what had happened inside the gate again.

Although Kyung-Hye felt like she had no choice if she wanted to make out alive with Jin-Ho at the time and tried to go for what seemed like the safest solution, she couldn’t help but be reminded of nine years ago. 

Her husband had been a firefighter before the gates appeared. Kyung-Hye saw how Il-Hwan helped efficiently put out the fire at the college she attended and how much he cared about everyone being safe. 

They got together soon after that and had many happy moments together. After getting married, their kids only added to the joy they had in their lives. 

Her son was only fifteen when he came home to tell her that Il-Hwan disappeared inside a gate.

She felt like the world was crashing down around her hearing those words, but then she saw her children standing before her. Her eldest had tears in his eyes, already knowing his father would not be returning, while her youngest didn’t quite understand what was happening yet.

Kyung-Hye couldn’t let herself get lost in her feelings now. Not when her children needed her more than ever before.

Pulling her son and daughter close to her and hugging them tightly, she was determined to do everything possible for them to grow up safe and healthy. 

She worked as many jobs as she could get, from working as a custodian to working at various stores, putting as much energy into supporting her children. She woke up long before the sun rose to prepare for a long day of work and typically wouldn’t be able to come home until dinnertime. 

Kyung-Hye spent long hours of work, saving enough money for her kids to go to college and to provide them with everything they needed as she wanted them to live comfortable lives without worrying about money constantly.

She did have a degree of her own, but she had been a stay-at-home mom for so long, and it was difficult for her to find a job as she was older and less experienced than most people were looking for. So the only jobs she would get were ones that younger people wouldn’t usually choose.

Of course, she still had to look after herself and had just enough rest and food to keep going. After all, she needed to care for herself for her children’s sake. 

Until her son succumbed to Eternal Sleep.

Her income, at the time, as meager as it was, was sufficiently supporting the three of them. However, it was no longer enough to pay her son’s hospital bills.

Kyung-Hye had some savings that were enough to pay the initial bills, but she had to find a better job soon. The only money she had left was their college funds, which she could not use, especially when she noticed how hard Jin-Ah was studying to become a doctor after Jin-Woo was hospitalized.

Luckily, however, she discovered she had suddenly awakened one day.

It didn’t matter that she barely had any magic power and was only slightly stronger than a typical person. Any bit of power would be enough for her to be a hunter and earn far more money than any other job she could get. 

Plus, by working for the Hunters Association, Kyung-Hye could get medical aid for the cost of Jin-Woo’s life support. It had been four years since her son had succumbed to Eternal Slumber, but she knew her son would eventually wake up. It was only a matter of time. Until then, she would do anything to keep her children safe. She would do the same even if her husband were still around.

Remembering her family made her think of the Lizards in the last raid she went on. She didn’t even know what kind of families the other hunters had. Were they also parents like her and felt they had no choice but to do this to provide for them? Or did some of them feel like they had no choice but to follow what Hwang Dong-Suk told them to do out of fear they would be the next one to die?

Regardless, that didn’t mean they could tear other families apart. Not just to Kyung-Hye herself who still had a teenage daughter and a son under Eternal Slumber but also to Jin-Ho who was still a very young person with a bright future. While she hated thinking of how the hunters’ families had lost a loved one, she did what she had to in that situation. It might be selfish of her to think so, but she had to stay alive to look after her children. She made it this far and couldn’t give up now.

Thinking of the raid in this way reminded her of the times Il-Hwan couldn’t save someone in time during the various emergencies he had dealt with. While Il-Hwan put on an act in front of their kids and pretended he had a typical day at work, Kyung-Hye knew from how his jaw was clenched and how his reactions were ever so slightly delayed as if he was thinking deeply about something.

It would only be after they finished having dinner and their kids were asleep that Kyung-Hye would ask what happened. Sometimes, Il-hwan would tell her about the people he couldn’t save. Other times, he would simply hug her tightly and stay silent. 

The only thing Kyung-Hye could do to console him was to give him comforting words and to hold him, her arms barely being able to wrap around his large physique. Il-Hwan had always done everything he could to save as many people as possible and how despite his efforts, there would be situations that made it impossible to save everyone. Kyung-Hye knew well that her husband would do whatever it took to get people to safety, even if it meant risking his life.

After all, his selflessness was the reason she fell in love with him. It was also why Il-Hwan wasn’t with her right now.

Releasing a sigh, Kyung-Hye tried not to dwell on her husband’s absence and looked at her stats. There wasn’t anything she could do about Il-Hwan being gone, so she could only focus on becoming stronger to take care of her children until he returned.

HP 2830

MP 580

Strength: 43 Health: 43

Agility: 43 Intelligence: 43

Sense: 43

Available Ability Points: 2

She didn’t get much of a chance to look at it before as whenever she had enough points, she simply allocated the points in a way to keep all of them balanced. Even if she were to think about it some more, she would have done the same. She still wished there was some kind of instruction manual that came with the System instead of guessing and checking what everything meant.

Just as she was considering how to distribute the remaining points, Jin-Ah knocked on her door before opening it.

“Mom? Someone named Yoo Jin-Ho is calling for you.” “Yoo Jin-Ho?”

“Mrs. Park! Over here!”

Kyung-Hye turned to look at the sound of her voice and smiled when she saw the familiar young man with short brown hair.

“It’s good to see you again, Jin-Ho,” Kyung-Hye said as she sat down. “I wasn’t expecting to meet again so soon. Ah, thank you again for the essence stones you gave me.”

“You saved me last time, so I was really grateful for your help!” Jin-Ho responded.

“It was no trouble. We were both trying to get out of there. Was there another reason you wanted to see me?” the older woman asked. 

While it was nice to see Jin-Ho, thanking her couldn’t be the only reason why he wanted to meet with her again. She didn’t mind the young man having his reasons for wanting to see her, but she wasn’t keen on helping this young man as he got into dangerous situations.

Kyung-Hye watched as the young man braced himself before stating why he called her.

“Well, I want to make a private strike squad.”

Kyung-Hye expected as much. She had hoped he had changed his mind after their last raid, but it looked like he hadn’t. However, Jin-Ho seemed more optimistic than naive given how determined he looked, so she knew Jin-Ho was at least aware of the risks.

“Is there a reason you want to make a strike squad? I’m sure you know how dangerous hunting can get after our last raid together.”

“Uh, well,” the young hunter briefly looked away before steeling himself again before looking back at her. 

“I just need your help in 19 more raids!”

Kyung-Hye raised an eyebrow. She found it strange he needed such a specific number of raids. Kyung-Hye wasn’t fully aware of everything related to hunters, but she had picked up enough to understand what all hunters knew. 

If the last raid is included, that would be 20 total.

She remembered seeing a requirement for clearing a certain amount of gates, but that was only if-

Her eyes widened as she realized what he wanted to do.

“Do you want to become a guild master?”

Jin-Ho smiled widely once he saw that Kyung-Hye quickly figured out his plan.

“Yes, I do!”

Kyung-Hye frowned at the thought. 

“Is there any specific reason you want to form a guild?” the older woman asked cautiously. 

It was rather unusual for such a young man to want to do something so ambitious at his age.

So Jin-Ho explained how his father, Yoo Myung-Hwan, wanted to create his own guild and how Jin-Ho wanted to convince his father to let him be in charge of the guild instead of his brother.

While Kyung-Hye did want to help Jin-Ho, she was curious if there was another reason Jin-Ho wished to become a Guild Master so badly when he was this young. But she didn’t want to pry into his business, so she accepted his reasoning and asked another question. 

“How much will I get in return?” Kyung-Hye asked. While she didn’t want to demand an unreasonable sum, the amount she gets for helping him should still be enough to provide for her family. Otherwise, it would be better for her to continue raiding as usual. There was also the matter of her being prevented from leveling up, but that wasn’t as important to her for now.

Jin-Ho beamed as he took out an envelope and handed it to Kyung-Hye, who opened it and read its contents.

“It’s nice that you wanted to come exercise with me today,” Kyung-Hye commented as she did some warm-up stretches alongside her daughter.

“Well, it’s not good to just sit and study all day,” Jin-Ah reasoned. “Besides, it’s been a while since we’ve had free time together.”

Kyung-Hye smiled and fondly rubbed her daughter’s head before they began their run.

As she ran beside Jin-Ah, Kyung-Hye thought about her recent conversation with Jin-Ho again.

Thirty billion won. That was the amount that Jin-Ho had offered. I could easily pay Jin-Ah to attend college without worrying about hunting monsters. 

However, if I stopped going on raids, I wouldn’t be able to make my powers stronger. What would happen to the System in that case?

Kyung-Hye looked at her daughter as she kept a steady pace with her. While Kyung-Hye could easily run faster, these small moments she could spend with Jin-Ah were precious to her. Her daughter, as well as the rest of her family, was all she lived for.

There is also the possibility of a dungeon break happening near them, like how one had happened close to where she fought in the instant dungeon. Not to mention the possibility of something like the S-Rank gate on Jeju Island happening again. 

She had told Jin-Ho that she would need some time to make a decision and that she would give him an answer within the week, but there were so many factors to consider.

“Is something wrong, mom?” Jin-Ah asked, making Kyung-Hye come out of her thoughts.

“Ah, it’s nothing,” Kyung-Hye replied, not wanting to worry her daughter. “Is Song-Yi still wanting to be a hunter?”

“Oh, yeah. I wanted to study with her the other day, but she didn’t want to. She says it’s boring and that she wouldn’t need to know this stuff if she decided to become a hunter.”

Kyung-Hye frowned. It wasn’t good for someone who hadn’t even graduated high school yet to want to become a hunter, especially one of such a low rank like herself who simply wanted to do it without realizing how dangerous it was. Even if she did want or have to become a hunter, her education was still important in case being a hunter didn’t work out for her later.

“Maybe you could invite her over some time? I’d like to hear why she wants to be one,” Kyung-Hye asked. 

She also hoped to convince her daughter’s friend that she shouldn’t become a hunter. It wouldn’t be easy, given how Kyung-Hye knew how stubborn teenagers could be from personal experience.

Jin-Ah nodded. “Yeah, I can ask her later!”

Focusing on their run again, Kyung-Hye realized she had already run more than the quest required as she looked at the status window. However, the system continued to track how many kilometers she was running even though she had already reached the necessary amount.

That’s strange. Why does it continue counting past 10?

Kyung-Hye was puzzled at the sight but decided to see how far it would go. 

After noticing that the System stopped counting the number of kilometers she ran after it reached twice the required number, Kyung-Hye did the same for the other exercises. As soon as she had finished double what she needed to complete, she got rewarded for completing a Hidden Quest.

Another dungeon key?

Examining the details of the key, Kyung-Hye saw that the difficulty level was S which meant the dungeon it unlocked would likely be of the same level, based on the last key she got. 

While she could enter the gate since she still had the teleportation stone from last time, she had no idea what would be inside the gate. Kyung-Hye knew she was nowhere close to being as strong as an S-Rank, estimating herself to be approximately a B-Rank given what had happened in the most recent dungeon. Also, going in only to see what was inside and back out of it seemed like a waste of the teleportation stone if she needed it even more later.

After contemplating her choices, Kyung-Hye decided to save the key for when she got stronger. There wasn’t a time limit, so there was no need for her to rush into danger now.

Until Jin-Ho gets back to me, I should find another raid to go on.

[basiatlu]

@black-occamy here again 🖤

Oh, amazing Artist! Would you be so kind to share some tips for absolute crap beginners?

Love 😘

Helloooo~☆ I took a moment to type this out a little bit ago and to tweak and edit as I saw fit so ty for waiting.

Ok ok so here's Crap Tips for Crap Beginners:

Stop calling yourself "crap, bad, and trash" when first starting out. - You wanna improve and have the drive to make art and feel satisfied at the end of a drawing? Then give yourself the positive reinforcement that most pups need in learning a new skill and trick. Treats and good pets and "nice jobs!" The whole world will fight against you, they'll try to beat you down and tell you what you do and how you do it doesn't matter. You've got to tell them to stick that where the sun doesn't shine. Aggressively support yourself - fake it till you make it etc etc. Pretend everything you do is intentional until you see yourself making more intentional decisions with your artwork.

With the pep talk out of the way - Warming Up is so important. Just like athletes and dancers do beforehand, you need to stretch your hands and arms and shoulders. And then you need to have a healthy back posture if possible. Draw with your whole arm and not just your wrists and fingers. Aaaand then you need to get the squiggles out. By that I mean make marks on your medium/paper/tablet. Little hatch marks, boxes, circles, tornados, silly emoji faces! When learning to draw, there will be 100 bad drawings before you reach a single good one, is what my college professor would say. And damn was he good.

If you can't draw something well or easily then you need to draw it again and again and again.... and again. I was really struggling to draw hands and feet! So I took pictures of my own hands, of my friends' hands, saved pictures from online, etc and made studies of them. Just paid extremely close attention to what I was actually looking at (and not what I thought hands where supposed to appear as). I also studied medical anatomical diagrams on hands to learn the bones, muscles, and tendons in the hands! It's very important!!! Studying can be applied to anything: cars, plants, animals, braids, fabric textures....

You have to refresh your lessons - once you do a study it doesn't permanently install into your brain for you to copy/paste whenever you need it. You have to revisit and keep that muscle memory in your hands for when you go to draw. I fall out of practice ALL the time and need to dedicate time to relearn how to draw things. And this isn't because I'm failing or wasting away as an artist, it's just a simple fact that I lost a little bit of my artist muscle mass and need to work out those muscles again. See?

You don't need fancy tools to draw, but they do help. I always break it down to the simplest form of sticks and mud. You can draw with pencils, twigs, charcoal, paint, on paper, in the dirt, in the sand, on canvas, on your phone, on a tablet. On and on it goes. Have the tools you need so you don't hinder yourself but don't hold back because you need to 'wait for the latest and greatest tech.' Why wait? Brush packs will not instantly make you a better artist, my dude. Printer paper and a sharpened pencil will take you miles.

And that's honestly it! Generally all good tips to keep in mind for when you're first starting. Some of these I have to also remind myself. I get down on my abilities and need the reminders too. Getting down to the basics is really important. Stretch, practice, stay strong, and oh! Also take breaks. ✨️