#Hoping that by doing so it'll stop existing but that hasn't worked

[kittehbiscuits]

I have a theory guys

The woman that he died over is the wife in the sequel, and also the owner of the finger with a wedding ring he pulled out of his pocket, so I guess that makes her his ex wife so I could be wrong but maybe they just didn't add ex when they revealed casting for whatever reason.

[angelinthefire]

So my latest idea for deancas in the winchesters tv show (a tv show that I have not watched [... yet???]) is roughly something like this:

ok, Dean and Jack and Bobby get back to Heaven, and Dean goes into the Roadhouse this time. It's a little party. You can tell that Dean is still melancholy. And then he sees Cas again. Cas is kind of nervous. But Dean just melts when he sees him, and also manages to look somehow sadder. And he hugs him tight for a long time. And Cas relaxes too. But they're still in the Roadhouse surrounded by people, so they don't talk, and Dean gets pulled back into the celebrations.

But later, it's night, and Dean steps out back of the Roadhouse, into the field. Cas is there, looking up at the sky, hands in his pockets. Dean comes and stands next to him.

Their conversation starts out much the same way as in Full of Grace, with Dean being like:

"I missed you."

"I missed you too. Though I was hoping you'd take longer to get here."

Dean scoffs and shakes his head. "I tried, y'know. To be the guy you gave that speech to."

Cas turns to face him fully. "You are that guy."

"Cas..." Dean's gaze seaches Cas' face as he searches for what to say.

Then:

Dean focuses and asks softly, "What do you want?"

"Dean?"

"Tell me. You said the one thing you want is something you can't have. So tell me."

Cas fumbles for the right words for a beat, just the thought of what he wants alone starting to make him emotional. Finally he says with a sad smile, "To have a life with you."

And the irony is not lost on Dean. He takes a breath that's thick with tears, clearly thinking about might-have-beens. His gaze drops from Cas' eyes to his mouth, and he says with a soft desperation, "Then let's get out of here. Let's live."

Cas balks. "I can't."

"Since when do you care about rules?"

Cas just looks at him imploringly.

But Dean is already getting worked up at the idea. "Come on, what's one more time? It'll be just 30, 40 years, that's nothing." He grips Cas's arm. "But we can... you can have anything." His eyes are bright with a hungry kind of hope. "I want... I wanna give you anything."

And Cas is clearly getting reeled in. He's staring at Dean like he wants to kiss him.

"He doesn't mean it, you know."

Cas and Dean turn towards the new voice.

"Jack?" Cas says.

"He's telling you what you want to hear, so you'll do what he wants," Jack says with a kindness tipping towards pity.

"What the hell?" Dean says.

Jack turns to him, matter of factly, "Am I wrong?"

"Of course you're fucking wrong. The hell is wrong with you?"

Jack shakes his head sadly. "What's wrong with you? You have heaven, Dean." He tilts his head and narrows his eyes. "There is something wrong with you, isn't there?" he says like he's seeing it for the first time.

Dean hardens. "Then kick me outta heaven. Go on!"

"... where's Jack?" says Cas, who hasn't stopped staring at Jack the whole time.

Jack turns to him, confused.

So Cas repeats himself, firmly but slowly, "Where is Jack?"

A horrified look comes over Dean's face.

Not-Jack smiles. "He's with me. Don't worry, he's safe." It's not reassuring.

And anyways, the upshot of the following dialogue would be that Chuck didn't win. Chuck has to live out his miserable existence on earth. But God did win. Because Chuck was just a guy that God was possessing. But the way God possesses someone, they start to lose sense of themselves, and parts of their personality start to find expression in God. Chuck was petty and squirrely. Jack will be a different kind of God. But the whole thing is unsettling and chilling.

I'm not sure how I would have things escalate, but they do. Of course Cas wants God to leave Jack alone, maybe he even offers himself as a vessel but God refuses. Idk, more stuff is said, it ends with God giving them a clear and definite threat about not screwing shit up anymore.

Then he disappears.

Dean and Cas are both striken. They talk. "What do we do?" - "What can we do?" etc. etc. I haven't thought about this part in depth, but some sort of plan is made.

Dean caps off the conversation with "We've got work to do"

They head towards the impala. Then,

"Dean?"

Dean turns towards Cas.

"Did you mean it?"

Dean doesn't answer at first.

"It's okay if you didn't," Cas says. And he's sincere. He's got bigger things to be upset about now, after all. "I'd understand."

Dean gets a hard look. He moves towards Cas, grabs him by the lapels, and pulls him close, and when they're close enough to kiss, Dean says,

"We're gonna kill god. And then I'm gonna show you how much I meant it."

End scene. And then I guess Dean and Cas just pop up in the background of the main plot here and there as they chase god through the multi-verse

[fullstcp]

All Falls Down Sentence Starters

( dialogue prompts from the tenth episode of the seventh season of abc's 9-1-1. feel free to edit and change as you see fit )

"The cardiac arrest was brought on by smoke inhalation."

"How long was it stopped?"

"We won't know the extent of the damage, if any, until they wake up."

"That's not an answer."

"It's not a discussion that we need to have right this minute."

"We need to talk about this."

"I'm here. What can I do?"

"I don't know how to explain this."

"I don't want to break down the door."

"I do not have that information in front of me."

"I will do some digging on my end and then I'll get back to you."

"Sweetheart, it is so good to see you."

"I know that was probably a stupid question."

"It's not like I'm doing great, either."

"We're still a family. That hasn't changed."

"We're always gonna be a family."

"Can't you just please give us a few more minutes?"

"You are not supposed to be here."

"I'm gonna see you again soon, okay?"

"Where were they taken?"

"I'm the only one making my life chaos right now."

"They won't let me in there yet."

"I didn't think you'd want to sit here in a paper dress."

"I haven't spoken to anyone."

"We need to talk about who may have done this."

"Wait, do you have somebody specifically in mind?"

"Can't think of anyone, but I'll let you know if I do."

"They won't tell us anything."

"I take it you've heard."

"Actually, we've heard very little."

"It'll be a while before we know anything more."

"I'm here, baby. I hope you know that."

"I love you and I'm sorry."

"Right now the only thing holding me upright is this rage."

"I'm gonna do that for us."

"I'm here visiting a patient."

"Gosh, you startled me."

"I saw you get out of the taxi just now."

"I tried to ring, but I think your doorbell melted."

"I can't believe we've never met."

"Anyway, I am so sorry this happened to you."

"Can I borrow your car?"

"Looks like you're going somewhere."

"Not sure you're gonna make it."

"Now, look, I don't know what it is you think I've done."

"Somebody set your house on fire?"

"I know what it's like to hide in plain sight, where the pain and the grief is so deep and raw that you can't even bear to touch it."

"Being a living testament to a dead person is a lonely existence."

"If you're so right about me, then I must be right about you."

"Neither one of us are murderers."

"You say you didn't do it? I'm gonna let you prove it."

"It's me they want."

"If I was you, I would not smile."

"There's no way they authorized any of this."

"I don't work for them. I never have."

"I made me a good deal."

"You know it didn't go down like that."

"At first, I was gonna take away someone you love."

"We're alike, you and me."

"Well, go ahead and do whatever the hell it is you're gonna do."

"Is your plan to bore me to death?"

"I could still show some mercy."

"This one, we both walk out of."

"Thank you for saving me."

"I'm sorry I had you wrong."

"Yeah, well, you weren't wrong about everything."

"There's someone who would like to speak with you."

"Welcome back to me."

"You went there without telling me?"

"You'd have talked me out of it."

"Well, I have to admit, I'm a little bit jealous."

"Fathers are humans. Sons don't always handle this news well."

"Don't wait 30 years before you listen. You'll regret it."

"We still have our memories and we have each other."

"You have a picture of me on your phone?"

"Everything that matters is already in this room."

"You're not even gonna look at me?"

"I know you're angry, but you need to listen to me."

"I love you, no matter what."

"I hate it, but I love you."

"Are we celebrating something."

"Uh, we do have a surprise."

"Look, we're not gonna get into who deserves what."

"You climbed out, you rebuilt, and you did better."

"I do believe I've been replaced."

[hell-drabbles]

I hope you're not bothered by this but what is Raon's relationship with the devils in Hell like in your embittered companion au? Is it the same as canon or is there some difference there? Will they make Raon worse or better or both? Because I would love the ideas of the devils despite being incredibly flawed, still have many good traits that Raon could learn from, you did say Raon would have character development at some point. The complexity in how Raon, an incel with victim entitlement and extremely bad social skills along with a good dose of attachment issues, learns to become better, not becoming perfect, but learning to stand on their own can be a very great storyline that I wish the canon delves into more.

Oh no need to worry, I'm not bothered at all. Oh, mind you, I'm typing this from my phone, so excuse the spelling and grammar errors.

Let's see, the devils are still pretty much their indulgent selves, that's for certain, and as such, they hold the same infatuation as they do in the original canon, though the difference here is that I'm treating it as that, infatuation. The devils, in the end, don't really know Ra-on, and Ra-on, with all his horrible social skills, kinda wants to keep it that way, preferring to sink into the delusion that there's just something special about him beyond his connections to Solomon. And, therefore he doesn't need to try and reach out to make it work. Because trying is scary and especially hurts when you're rejected in some big or small way.

And, well, as with all infatuation, it's going to fade. Mind you, they don't stop fucking Ra-on, they like fucking and rarely will any devil turn down a round, but ultimately they're not going to call Ra-on their lover. It'll eventually go down to just being friends. It's not really something the devils verbally say out loud, that their crush on Ra-on faded away, mostly because it really changes nothing about how they treat him and how Ra-on treats them. Since Ra-on didn't say anything about wanting anything deeper, surely this means he's not interested in anything beyond the general friends with benefits?

Because the devils aren't mind readers, and Ra-on would much rather keep everything inside himself until he dies or explodes. Never wants to act first lest he does something wrong and then it'll be all his fault. Real rejection sensitive, that guy. A mess!

So, in short, the relationship between the devils and Ra-on is unbalanced. Being fucked and treated as desirable eventually gets to his head. All the validation becomes the basis of his confidence, with the obstacle being the Embittered Companion because they see that confidence as the fragile thing it is.

Things are going to be worse before they will get better. Ra-on's been stuck in a hole for so long that he fears anything outside of it. The devils, temporarily, put themselves in that same hole Ra-on is in, but then eventually back away and go back to their normal lives, eyes clear of the infatuation they once had as they move on from Solomon. And that's going to do things to Ra-on. He's not going to handle this well, because now that he's tasted this little dose of heaven, he doesn't want to go back to living that lonely existence.

He doesn't put any effort into getting to know the devils, and now he's shocked that they're not romantically interested in him anymore. Like, buddy, sexual investment isn't the same as emotional investment. You just let the devils talk without putting anything into the conversation yourself. Of course they weren't going to crush on you forever!

And then, it's back into the hole he goes. Sinking ever deeper as he's forced to confront the fact that there's nothing truly unique about him. That just existing isn't enough to give him the special status. That, as long as he continues the way he is, all will leave him eventually, because he doesn't want to try. That, for years, he hasn't been trying to change anything.

He wasn't surviving like he convinced himself he was, he was just staying in place, doing nothing, hoping for a miracle to come and take care of his every problem, to reward him for being miserable.

Eventually, Ra-on gets a question stuck in his head while he's watching the devils around him: "Do devils hope for miracles?"

He observed the kings. Surely they'd be considered miraculous existences with the sheer amount of power they have. But no, their power is no mere miracle, it's the result of their own conviction fueled by a need to relieve others and themselves from suffering. He observes the devils serving directly under, surely it must be a miracle to be chosen and be where they are today. No. Perhaps they got their position because of circumstances, but they wouldn't have this position in their hold if not for their loyalty, loyalty that goes beyond just respecting a King's power.

No, devils do not hope for miracles. They never have. Never needed to. And who was Ra-on to pretend that they're his miracles to hold and possess? Like they're a collection for only him to have? To use like pets to feed his ego?

... The Companion has been seeing him for who he truly is, huh? Not once have they looked away from the sniveling thing he's become. Why didn't they? Why not let him rot? Because they care. They always have.

He's an idiot. It took him this long to see it. Had to take being dragged into Hell for him to see it.

Soooo, yeah. Internal change! It's gotta start from within before it transfers out, you know?

Fun stuff, fun stuff.

[wheels-of-despair]

Enough | A Make Up Story | Tom Grant x You | Series Masterlist

Deleted Scene: Hurricane Jade Summary: Tom gets an unexpected visitor during a cold winter alone. Words: 1.1k Note: This takes place between the final chapter and the epilogue.

"Hey."

Tom turns away from the petrol tanks he's installing to see… Jade. Just standing there, staring at him in that stupid jacket she'd once wrapped around Ruth. He feels the rage start to bubble immediately.

"I come in peace," she says, her hands held out in a submissive gesture. "Can we talk?"

"Nothing to talk about." He turns back to the tanks, although he can't remember what he was doing with them. He glares at the wrench in his hand, wishing it would get to work and make him look busy.

"Just for a minute. Then I'll go away forever."

This seems like too good an offer to pass up.

"Fine," he says through gritted teeth, dropping the tool on the grass beside the tank with a soft thud. Tom crosses his arms impatiently and turns around to lean against the side of the caravan, hoping the annoyance is evident on his face.

The park was still a few months away from opening, and he had plenty of time to get things in order, but he didn't like being interrupted. Especially by Jade. What the hell does she want from him, anyway? Hasn't she ruined enough already?

Jade smiles awkwardly and sits in the grass. What did she expect, to be invited in for tea? She stretches out her legs and crosses her ankles. She looks far too comfortable.

"I've sold Gran's caravan," she says casually, brushing her hand gently across the blades of grass at her side. "Ruth and I are leaving at the end of the month."

He wants to tell her that doesn't care. "Why?" he asks instead.

"We've decided to go out and see the world. The park is too full of memories for us both."

Right, because they're the ones who had their hearts broken there.

"Where will you go?" Dammit Tom, stop asking questions. You don't care, remember?

"Dunno yet." She folds her hands in her lap and smiles up at him. "Thought we'd just go to the airport and get on the first cheap flight to somewhere hot."

Tom's brow furrows. Is she joking?

"You think we're mad." It comes as a statement, not a question, so Tom doesn't feel the need to respond.

"I think it'll be fun, just figuring things out as we go."

The thought of going off into the world without a sensible plan makes Tom uneasy. Almost as uneasy as he feels under her gaze.

"I've been packing, and I've been doing a lot of thinking."

Tom stares at his shoes, wishing she'd get to the point.

"Do you love her?"

"Why, are you trying to pawn her back off on me before your big escape?" Tom spits.

"I'm not talking about Ruth."

Right. The other girl who left him a few months ago.

"I've been thinking a lot about her."

So has Tom. He's tried to stop. Tried to move on. But every time he goes near the stove, he thinks of her. The way she explained things so patiently, the way she teased him, the way she'd playfully bump him out of the way with her hip. He's been existing off of cereal and takeout. Every time he enters his empty caravan, it hits him that she's not there to ask about his day, or laugh with him at a dumb movie, or share his bed. Every minute he's not working, he's haunted by the ghosts of people who don't want him.

It's made him a model employee, but a miserable man.

Tom's heart feels heavy. He sinks to the ground and sits across from Jade. Sounds like she's ramping up for a long one. Might as well get comfortable.

"When I was a kid, Mum moved us around all the time. I lost count of how many schools I went to. Almost always ended up back at Gran's in-between. And when Gran moved down here, I had no one… until I found her."

Tom picks a blade of grass and twists it in his fingers.

"She was the only person I could ever depend on. Like a lighthouse in the storm. No matter how bad things got, she was always there to guide me home. She was home."

Hurricane Jade, he thinks.

"People come in and out of my life so often, I barely remember their names. They're all just… passing through on their way to somewhere better. But she liked me for me, even when I didn't like myself. She loved me, although I probably didn't deserve it. She was always there for me when I needed her. I just never stopped to think that she might need me too."

Tom hates that he can't hate Jade right now.

"How did you meet her, Tom?"

Tom looks into Jade's eyes for the first time since he sat down, and much to his surprise, he tells her the story. An abridged version, but more than he'd planned to give her; from the night she nearly ran him over until that last kiss goodbye. Damn that intense gaze.

"Have you talked to her since?"

Tom shakes his head once. She hadn't left a number, or an address. She didn't want him. Nobody did.

"Did you ever tell her that you loved her?" Jade asks quietly.

Tom nods and swipes angrily at the traitorous tear that escaped from his eye. He's never felt so alone in his life.

Jade reaches into her pocket and pulls out an envelope. She stands and steps toward Tom, holding out the paper. He doesn't reach out to take it, so she leans down and places it on the ground next to him.

"Would you give this to her next time you see her?"

"Dunno where she is."

Jade smiles in a knowing way that breaks the spell and makes Tom's rage begin to bubble again.

"I should get back," she says, dusting the grass from her legs. "Thank you for today, Tom. I hope you find the happiness you deserve."

Tom is suddenly faced with the urge to roll his eyes.

"Ruth and I are at Sleepy Sunrise 'til the end of the month, if you'd like to come say goodbye. I'm sure it would mean a lot to her; Ruth really does feel awful about the way things happened."

He'll not be going, but he nods once to acknowledge he heard it.

Jade smiles her dumb smile one more time and begins to walk away. Tom stares at the sealed white envelope on the ground, rather than the back of her tacky jacket, and wonders what the hell he's supposed to do with it.

"Tom?" He looks up, and Jade has turned around. "Always tell her what you want and how you feel."

"What?" he asks. But she's already rounded the corner and disappeared from sight. Tom picks up the envelope and turns it over.

He's got a long drive ahead of him.

[ratgingi]

some margo content because i need to figure out how to draw her more . plus some misc facts abt her under cut

i cant remember if i mentioned it before or not but she tends to change jobs often, she hasn't been fired from any but instead she will pick up jobs and quit them a few months later after she grows bored with them. the places in town she's worked at include the arcade (she worked there before exie, and exie only worked with her for a few weeks as by the time she started the job margo was already getting ready to work elsewhere), the petstore (it was her first job in town, and well before outis was in the picture), the funfair (she worked at one of the game stalls), and the mcphonalds (where she and juniper met). shes also worked at a couple places outside city limits. a good chunk of the places she's worked at are still open to her to go back to as she is a decent employee who works hard at her jobs and learns fast. there are a few places shed never even consider though either because theyd take too long to be qualified for or just seem generally uninteresting to her.

the tattoo/piercing parlor she currently works at wouldnt be a place youd get to actually visit in her route but would probably be mentioned in passing a couple times

while growing up whenever she would act too 'girly' her father would pay their neighbors to teach her more 'manly' things, so as a result she knows how to do a handful of more technical things like minor car repairs/put together furniture/etc, and also went through some fighting classes and stuff. shes also good at things like repairing clothes and cooking because addy made sure to teach her stuff like that as well

she also has a number of random talents/general things she can do from hobbies she got into and since dropped, things like crochet, gardening, baking, etc etc. she isnt Fantastic at any of them really but shes decent at them. jack of many ace of none type deal

adelaide was actually the one who helped her pick her name bc when she was trying to figure out what she wanted to be called she asked her if she had any ideas and addy told her that she'd had the name margo picked out for her before she was born

she likes doing puzzles and stuff, the bigger or more complicated the better. she has a couple 3d puzzle figures hanging out in her house but they change often as she gets bored of seeing the same ones. theres a closet in her hallway that has nothing but the boxes past puzzles she's finished stay in

she has a big heart, but because of her issues with connection she refuses to let her more caring side show in the hopes it'll help others not to get too attached to her. she isnt rude or anything like that and if someone is clearly in need of some sort of shoulder to cry on she tends to soften up but otherwise youre most likely to get a distant n cold politeness, she believes that by doing so shes doing you a favor and would rather keep herself closed off than hurt you if her whole attachment issue acts up. however if she doesnt like you she just flat out wont interact with you no matter how much you try. you could be standing in front of her waving your hands in her face and she'll act like you dont exist to the point of actually walking into you and not acknowledging it if need be

during her route the player would be able to accompany her to do things like run errands around town, which is sorta the sign that youve Made It because youre allowed to just sorta exist with her without her insisting you go do something else/trying to keep away from you yknow. her way of showing affection is pretty much just i allow you to exist near me/i choose to exist near you and on the surface literally stops there so

the only person she considers herself to be genuinely close to is her mother, and even then from a distance you wouldnt even really be able to tell that theyre close from her end. addys a pretty vocally affectionate person and is also the only person margo allows to do things like hug/pat her (addy still does so sparingly and asks before hand for the sake of margos comfort <3)

when she got her first tattoo she sorta did so in an effort to make herself commit to something but has since forgotten that motivation for them and now just likes getting them because they look cool

she has really pretty handwriting because she went through a phase where she was really into calligraphy. for technical things like letters/important papers/what have you she writes in print but otherwise she likes doing it really fancy and would probably be one of those people who writes stupid shit in fancy letters on tiktok

she has a big thing about honesty, as shes pretty good at telling when people are lying even if she doesnt really know them. this is partially why trying to lie and come up with a fake answer when asking her out would result in her turning you down bc 1. doesnt really seem interesting and 2. she can tell youre not telling her the truth and decides she has better things to do

[danielleee-x]

I didn't realize it.

I have stopped hugging back truthfully. Haven't reached out to many of my friends in months. Hoping people forget to check in after texting me once without me responding. Don't go on walks anymore to see the beauty in the world. Barely speak more than 2 sentences with anyone in my family besides my mom.

My confusion kept growing though everytime she tried hugging me, or tried having me open up, because unlike the years before, I never let myself feel it anymore.

Only just now 5 minutes ago I remembered the pact I had made with myself a year or 2 ago. It was to not experience love from that day on because it'll only make it harder for me to let myself be killed. I can't give up on my family and friends if I still care about seeing them succeed. I've been preparing for my own death for a while now and I fully forgot about how deep my decision went. It has only brought me more hurt than good I reckon.. Quite embarrassing if I do say so myself.

Oh well...

Apparently I'm committed to the idea...

"You know what they say about hope.. It breeds eternal misery"

It doesn't fit in with my personality though.. Giving up that is. I told a person I had dated recently that I am sorry for how he was treated but that my illness and me as a person simply don't like cohabiting within me. I can't feel my personality 90% of the time so I understand if my signals had been mixed from the beginning. He understood he said. I don't think he did.. He always said that I'm not too sick for him to love me. He didn't understand that part either. It was never about his respect, understanding or care. It was always about my survival, which to be honest was pretty much non existent when we dated. I felt like crap all of the time.

Sometimes I actually still do wish to be sicker than I am now. It made me have smaller wishes. Less to disappoint myself with. Or let me feel better for a while, let me work on my bucket list and then have me give up.

I'm soon turning 20 but I simply still feel like a heavily traumatized 8 year old girl. No experiences. No understanding of the world, not even more than I did back then. Naive and stupid and just plain confused all of the time. Wishing that someone would decide every choice for me and letting me sit in the backseat for everything that happens.

This is starting to become a dumpster post. Rambling on about everything in my mind without a theme to follow besides death. It's not like that topic hasn't come around enough by now. I'd love to be philosophical about old friends, new friends, love and the beauty of the nature and how outside everything is balanced and happens on their own time... But my situation is simply too dire for me to act even remotely interested in the shallowness of deepness. But I'd really wish it'd interest me.

[ezziefox]

That's it. I give up.

I can't continue like this. School just started back and already, they're making sure we'll never get any free time. Before school even started back, my mother is telling me I should'nt be doing anything but studying. I shouldn't even be wearing headphones.

I can't keep battling writing stories and school. It's fucking with me mentally, constantly wanting my free time so I can work on existing projects and new ones, but I can never find the time nor can I find it within me. I spend my time at nights battling myself, trying to prepare myself for school the next day. I don't think I can keep up writing anymore, not this year at least.

It pains me to have come to this conclusion, but if the universe keeps working against me, I have no choice but to concede and give in.

I don't want to keep fighting a losing battle whilst I'm already trying to fight my mental health. I suppose it'll just be me and my imagination until further notice. I truly wish I didn't have to attend this school. They even extended all our days at school now so I'm just pissed off.

I wish I didn't have to attend this school. As a matter of fact, I wish I was in a different country, maybe attending school there instead. But I've been wishing that for four years now. Many false promises have been made, I've only looked like a circus clown keeping up this stupid hope and dream that one day "soon" everything will change. I fucking give up.

I have no means to live for myself. My situation doesn't allow it.

I was doing so well up until recently. I was writing, I was letting time go, I got back into reading without stopping. But as soon as the realization hit me, I can't continue anymore. All of it stopped. I can't write now without even worse anxiety than last time nitpicking at me. And to think I was hoping that this year would be easier on me. It hasn't even started and I already feel like shit at the bottom of the barrel.

I'll probably spend my free time sleeping as much as I can, and just getting some quick form of entertainment in, just so I can feel like the hours are passing by slowly.

I don't wanna hear it doesn't get any easier. At this point I can't care.

It's to the point where I wish mpox would invade my country so we can go back online again. Maybe then I'd be able to multitask and not be punished for it. I'm walking around on eggshells every fucking day and I'm sick and tired of it. So I just decided to give up.

Losing battles are not worth fighting for.

I don't know where this will take me. And it pains me. But I just can't stress anymore. I have no choice. I never had a choice. I don't have the freedom to plan my own schedule. I don't even have the freedom to switch classes if I'm not learning from a certain teacher. I have no freedom to lighten my load. I have no desire for anything anymore. This time it seems my free paper has truly burnt.

It's been fun. But it just seems like the universe has never been on my side in the first place.

I've tried everything. Even "manifesting": listening to subliminals, journaling, affirming. Even "praying to God" who I don't even believe in anymore. I've tried depending on myself, but not even that I can do. I've tried keeping up hope; that my better days will come soon (and by soon, I mean actually soon, not a millennia from now) and I don't even know it. But no. Things only ever got worse, and I'm still thankful for my summer days and Christmas breaks, but even those were filled with turmoil because of family. Hell, I even dislocated my shoulder last summer (not this summer just passed) and ended up in the hospital. I had to go back to school that time in a sling, and find a way to write when it was my right arm that was bound to my body.

Everybody only ever wants me to focus on school and nothing else. Fun is not allowed. Rest is not allowed. Breaks are not allowed. No matter how small of a time they are.

At this point I don't care about school. I've tried my hardest before and it's never worked. I don't plan on making this year any different. When everyone keeps telling you and reminding you of what you should do and what is expected of you, at some point you just give up care for it. It gets tiring. Fucking exhausting. I'm tired of hearing the same things over and over and over again and again and again.

I don't know what method I'm going to use to keep my sanity this time. Last year and the years before that, it was writing. But I'd rather not spend my free time in bliss just to be hit with reality the next second. That shit really blows you mentally. I'd rather wallow in my depression, and watch generic stuff, than get happy again. Because every time I smile, I know, I just know, that something bad is coming.

So I'm gonna try to put down the pen for a while. I don't know what I'll do with me and my life.

And please, for the love of god, do not compare my trauma to others. Everybody deals with shit in their own way and I've heard enough of it. I'm fucking sick and tired of it.

I hate to tell it to myself, but nothing is coming. And don't tell me that it is, I've had enough false promises. Nothing is coming. I dream of better days; they don't exist. Not in my near future, possibly not even in the far future. Stop telling yourself it exists. It doesn't. You've been let down before, stop letting yourself down again. This is your fault. Your fault for believing. Your fault for trying when you knew what the outcome would be. So just deal with it. Nothing will ever change. Not for now. And definitely not the way how you want it. So just quit. Forget it. Relax while you can. Forget while you can. Things will never get better.

Either way... It was fun knowing you guys. You brought me a lot of positivity. But unfortunately, we don't always win. So... Bye, I guess..

I just needed to write this to get it off my shoulders. I'll try to survive. I know I will, even if it's in agony. I don't want to harm or k--- myself. It's just that sometimes I just wish I didn't exist.

I'll keep dreaming of a better life, I suppose. At least dreams can't be disturbed. But that day isn't soon. Even now I wish...

Until then…

[memoirmemories]

memoirs ; 3

ksshhh...

bzzzt

sigh

uhh, that went smoother than before. didn't even need to give it the good ol' slam.

she clears her throat

um, it's 00:57. couldn't sleep... thoughts of possibly being the last person alive are haunting me. but i'm not giving up on these transmissions. green lights usually mean good, right? i'm clinging to that hope.

if anyone's out there listening, i just want to make it clear that i'm real, i exist. i don't want you to doubt that. so, i took a selfie to prove it. but first, let me properly introduce myself, something i skipped earlier.

i'm Mina, 23, a college dropout and former editor for a publishing house. did a lot of translation work. it was an alright job, paid the bills. the rest of my life isn't as interesting, but that's a story for another time.

now that you know a bit about me, i guess it's time to show you what i look like. getting a clear selfie with all this interference wasn't easy, but here i am...

definitely not the picture of health, huh? two years of scraping by on scraps and fighting for sleep will do that to you. but, this should at least prove to you that i'm real and somewhere... out.. here.

a long, weary sigh is heard

about those sirens i mentioned... i find odd comfort in them now. i didn't explain much before. i'll try to capture the sound from outside sometime, doubt this thing can pick it up indoors. when i first arrived, this haunting siren was blaring. it hasn't stopped since. it felt louder initially, but maybe i've just grown used to it. i sleep near a wall, and it's louder there. as i said, it's become a sort of lullaby for me. it's reminiscent of a nuclear or apocalyptic siren that just... never stopped. as if someone forgot to hit the off switch. it's a mystery how it's still operational. sometimes i forget it's even there.

i um, promised to share a bit of my music, didn't i? well, here's one of the songs. the quality might not be top-notch – i'm not sure how good this microphone is – but it's what i can offer.

i don't actually know the name of the song, but it's become a favorite of mine. it's like a storm that's calm but also wild at the same time. sort of like what I'm going through here – some quiet moments, then suddenly it's all crazy again. the song kind of matches the ups and downs i deal with every day, but in a weird way, it's also comforting.

i'll share the other two songs another time. think of it like a puzzle – you've got to wait a bit for the other pieces to be revealed, heh.

my eyes are burning... i don't know why i keep rambling on like this. it's been probably over a year since i last really talked to myself, aside from the occasional murmur or reminding myself what to do next. but talking like this, actually expressing my thoughts and feelings, not just to the empty air but hopefully to someone out there... this is the first time.

and it feels freeing, you know? like i'm finally letting out all these pent-up thoughts and emotions. the only thing missing is someone responding back. but i think, maybe, it'll be okay even without that.

a sniffle is heard

i'm gonna try and actually get some sleep now. this headache's just getting worse, and that one cup of water didn't do much. might spend tomorrow just boiling water, make enough to last a day or two. not much else to do, and i've got enough food for the next few days. the generator's still half full, too. Mina, out, i guess?

she scoffs lightly, then the transmission clicks off

[kellykadesperate]

hey!! the 911 anon back here :D

oof oof oof, your thoughts give me so many new thoughts again AAAA i love it but by GOD i hope i can keep this a reasonable length this time (i type this before anything else so it'll be a surprise for both of us how this will end <3 lmao)

(<3333 i lied again. well, i did say "by god" while i'm atheist so ig maybe this was doomed from the start <3333)

I feel like everyone piqued in terms of their characterisations about 3 seasons ago. this. never has anyone said anything that is truer. the tea is piping hot that i burn my mouth but i'll still drink it because it's so delicious. i do not want to disregard how they did continue to develop slightly in later seasons but most of that is just not really graspable to me except for them being happier/more stable. which is great! but that development was neither invested in something that feels productive nor does it actually drive new, exciting plotlines that would actually get us to a place that is different from the one we've been stuck in for the past few seasons. as you said, it simply does not make good TV because people will eventually notice that 911 is just giving us... nothing at this point. nothing that the show hasn't already told us, at least. yes, it's got silliness and some action and whump but there is no goal to it all. not for the characters nor for the show. you can tell your audience that "family is important", yes, but it's simply redundant to do that season after season after season. we get it, message received. with the tight found-family corset is still on, these characters have nowhere to go, and they already achieved everything that there is to achieve: they love their job, they got family/meaningful relationships, they got romantic love, they have already reached a good/hopeful point with formerly estranged family members, and all of them have addressed or worked through/are still working on their big past trauma. which is nice!! but like, that's usually the point where you end the show. i mean, in all honesty, what did 911 set up in earlier seasons that has not been solved or addressed yet? as i said in my other message, the characters do not even have any life goals outside of staying in the same job they've had since their introductions and having family, two goals that they all can check off on their to-do lists. that's literally it. with nothing else to focus on. all that is left is the inevitable repetition of the same motifs and new pointless drama that just exists for the sake of milking this show until it stops making money.

The show tends to tease with changes but never fully commits to them … It feels like the writers are scared of rocking the boat and changing up dynamics but I think that's exactly what the show would benefit from. eeeexactly. i liked the idea of eddie going a different path, i liked the idea of hen being a doctor! it would have been so cool to see the family spread out into different directions, all of them showing us different perspectives and things that are necessary to save people's lives, all while still supporting one another! it would have opened everybody up to more changes (career, social life, hobbies etc) if only the show weren't too scared to actually go there. i know changes like that can make or break a show, but i think 911 has reached that point a long time ago. i am sure they can pull off a few more seasons of stagnation, but that won't keep things exciting and interesting to the audience in the long run. even the whump, which is one reason why people typically like such shows, has zero risk to it. yes, there is the possibility of some consequences, we have seen that, but ultimately, all of those were short-lived with no bigger impact on the future. chim's rebar, buck's crushed leg and blood clots, eddie getting shot? the recovery and struggles post-accident are almost nonexistent on screen and there are never any real physical repercussions for any of them (limping, chronic pain, less mobility, not even visible scars, etc). buck's tsunami experience? no bigger consequences for his (work) life. hen's car accident? no bigger consequences for her (work) life. death by lighting strike and so many other things? insert shrug emoji here. part of the reason why whump/action is so good is because of the chance that maybe somebody's life will be actually irrevocably changed forever. no take-backs, no miraculous recovery, but real tangible consequences that affect the character's entire life. the lack of that makes the main characters feel untouchable, so why should i care if somebody gets impaled or hit by a car or thrown out of a plane for the billionth time when i already know that the show won't go through with it anyway?

re romantic relationships, yes yes yes. it's so redundant lol. i acknowledge that dating different partners makes you realize what you actually want irl, but it's just boring on TV when the love interests are (mostly) never set up to be multifaceted and impactful for the narrative. if they dated characters that would remain as part of the reoccurring ensemble, it might be different, what with buck and eddie actually being held accountable for once and having to address their mistakes and contributions to the failed relationships. the rinse-and-repeat method, however, same as with the whump, just feels like it's stuck in the same old loop again where they will return to square one anyway, so why even get excited for them finding a new partner? esp because those partners are often written so half-heartedly, and the breakups' aftermaths are often disregarded quickly. perhaps buck and eddie are meant to represent a younger demographic who is dating and not at the point in life that bathena, madney, and henren represent – fair enough! but then AT LEAST give them friends and hobbies outside of the firefam and stop condemning the experience of being single, i fucking beg.

this is the issue with this family unit. You're at work. It's work. if i would drink a shot every time i think that while watching the show LMAOOO. yes!! like when i turn off my brain, i get what the show is trying to do with that, but i'm not a 14yo. i'm an adult, and i just cannot pretend like the work ethic and the work relationships the show represents don't squick me tf out. in the earlier seasons, i really liked this topic because a lot of it was driven by buck, who was only clinging sm to his "work family" because of his abandonment issues, his childhood, and the fact that he virtually had no other family left. it made sense, why he was so emotionally attached to his job and colleagues! then they proceeded to write, what i personally consider, a found family story that just makes things worse the more they try to force that trope upon the characters. quick tangent here, but i actually thought that, after buck asked the others if they will lose touch when they do not work together anymore, the show would gradually make some of them leave to pursue other careers so that the show could eventually say "see! they do not work together anymore but they love each other sm that they will stay in each other's lives forever!!". all of them learning that no matter where they are or what they do, they have people in their corner? i wanted that. especially because when thinking about it realistically, this team as it is rn cannot exist like this forever. someday someone is either gonna retire or get hurt badly that their career will end/change. going with that route would have also allowed the characters to (a) have normal work relationships with their colleagues again and (b) show each other that their love and closeness is truly unconditional. and more importantly, it would have given the show a clear end goal: as soon as every single one of them realizes that they will always be family to each other, the show would have reached its natural end. btw i understand people who'd rather see them work together forever! however, it's one thing to enjoy your own headcanon of their future, and it's a totally different thing to actually get that reality played out on screen for the next 10 years. monotony being the killer of joy, and all that.

It makes it almost silly to love any side character more than the firefam characters. 100000% agreed djdjdjdjd. tbf to us, the show treats its side characters very carelessly, so i don't think we're being mean by simply taking cues from the show! i cannot bring myself to care about Stranger Number 34291 who will not matter in about two minutes, sorry. & the montages omg... like, it's too kitschy. sometimes i just have to skip parts or avert my eyes because i cringe too much i'm so sorry dskjdsjflks;; i am sure some people enjoy those but not me.

re buck's progress and role in the narrative: i completely agree with you there. buck being captain someday is genuinely just me having a pipe dream. my emotional support pipe dream of a future that we'll never see on screen <3 which, i think, is probably for the best tbh. they could not pull this off in a satisfying way imo, especially with what you pointed out, re buck being stuck in his narrative role. he matured in some ways, just like the other characters, but 911 just needs new drama every episode and seasons, and that has some grave downsides. the biggest downside being that the characters inevitably accumulate tons of bad decisions, weird OOC moments, and points of regression/story inconsistency for the sake of keeping the drama alive until i simply do not even like them anymore. my enjoyment and love for characters does not completely recover after such moments unless the "redemption" is written incredibly well, which is never is with 911 djdjdjdj. hen cheating, chim punching, buck cheating, and other stuff where i'm just... urgh. they take away my enjoyment piece by piece, unfortunately, so i know to watch out for the signs so i can jump off the 911 wagon before my faves become completely unrecognizable to me.

i did stop watching 911 LS after season 2, i think? i was too busy back then to keep up with shows, and now i feel like i've forgotten sm about what was going on in it lmaooo. how do you like it? would you say it does some things better than the og 911?

hey! so many thoughts lol, putting it under the cut again!!

you can tell your audience that "family is important", yes, but it's simply redundant to do that season after season after season. we get it, message received: LMAO Yes! it's giving me fast and furious vibes of we're a family! Family is everything and yet ... they are all pretty set in their OWN families. Like that connection they have/feel isn't actually going above and beyond their own family so it makes it seem a little silly to keep going on about.

Your point about them all achieving everything they wanted to achieve is also obviously 100% true. It made me think of Chimney's brother and how I laughed my head off when randomly we saw him training as a firefighter at the end of one of the seasons without any indication that he's interested in becoming one. I literally died. But I really liked how this season, he was like meh it's not for me! What was :/ was Chimney's reaction of like come onnnnnnnn stick it out, this is the best job ever. I'd have loved to see that explored a little more next season. And also Ravi! They keep introducing loads of new mini characters but it's so clear that they're secondary, not as important, and ultimately used through the main characters. Chimney going back to the academy was such an interesting idea but it was like Oh there's Ravi again, oh he had a scene about a traumatic thing that happened, he doesn't feel adequate ... HEY BACK HE COMES!!! Like everything appears heightened but ultimately is so so low stakes and so easily solvable.

the lack of that makes the main characters feel untouchable, so why should i care if somebody gets impaled or hit by a car or thrown out of a plane for the billionth time when i already know that the show won't go through with it anyway?: YES this this this. I feel like the show would genuinely benefit from a shock death or something that would change everything completely. I really expected Bobby to be in mortal danger, become paralysed and was like oooo they've been foreshadowing who would take over from him for the whole season! Then it just didn't happen. Bobby leaving the firefam and having him take more of a Athena's husband, AA meetings role would feel like the show is somewhat changing at least. It would throw the whole firefam off completely. Idk I just feel like sometimes the very slightest change is seen as devastating to the group lmao. Like when Chimney was away looking for Maddie or when Eddie was gone, the response from the crew spoke straight from the writers idea of like: it's all or them or none of them. Even the additions on the team seem ... calculating? They're quite one dimensional, or basically outside of the crew or just straight up harmful to the crew. Lucy kisses/pursues Buck and Buck cheats on his gf and then she just ... goes? Ravi only talks about property lmao and then there was the serial killer paramedic. They don't want characters to be as charming/charismatic/interesting as the main ones. But you're right, the whole idea is that they've all get skin in the game, they could all die at any minute on the job, I should feel scared for them but I am not whatsoever because I'm 99.9 per cent sure they'll be all good in 20 mins.

stop condemning the experience of being single, i fucking beg: It's definitely like a choice. If they are meant to be the young ones who don't have it all together, pls make their relationship trials and tribulations funny at least? Don't make it heavy. Don't make Buck randomly cheat or Eddie seemingly stay in a relationship for his son. It makes both characters really unlikable and I know there's a bigger narrative at play in both characters but that's not explored enough or when it is, it's done really 'My Life Is A Mess' like and it's like THEN DON'T DATE PEOPLE. BE SINGLE. GIVE THEM FRIENDS.

going with that route would have also allowed the characters to (a) have normal work relationships with their colleagues again: LOOL and also they don't actually show loads of them like hanging out outside of work. And like I've said before, they all have strong family ties outside work so the idea that they are like a family that cannot be broken up, need each other more than anything just doesn't work and hasn't work. Side note: I watch 911 ls too and this trope works WAY better considering a) We actually saw the team become assembled in the first episode and b) They came from all over America/left their families so YEAH they were each other's only families in Texas. But with 911 it started with the fam already in existence and their families already ... there. So yeah it's just a weird, Disney sort of trope they clearly want to run with.

Re 911 ls: It's a totally different feel. It's worse in some ways because the narrative is heavily about Owen being the captain but I personally enjoy the actual characters more. The show is better imo at building that dynamic between the crew and make genuine effort to show that they are more really good/close friends that enjoy each other's company rather than A Family because they are in the same crew. Like the have 'hang outs' at people's houses/game nights and we see that. They also have nice sub friendships within the crew too. I like how they have the paramedics and the firefighters separately too. The budget is clearly higher on 911 by the way! Clearly lol. I like the relationships they clearly care about. It shows. Same with 911. 911ls I would say does the opposite of 911 in terms of story telling lol, they are bold with their decisions, they've split the crew up/destroyed the firehouse/killed off multiple high profile side characters - and all of that has genuinely let the show move forward. It's made things actually feel like choices genuinely matter. They did a really good job of showing that when TK became a paramedic. It was a change. But it worked. Idk I just admire the balls of the writers, although the writing can be bad and they tend to dedicate less time to aftermath, to actually make big decisions. It genuinely makes me think oh no something big/something that's going to change this dynamic is going to happen. Even with the season that's just gone on: I won't spoil it! But they've had characters go 'find themselves' in meaningful ways, explored characters in interesting ways so yeah it can be done and they do that well.

[thegeminisage]

from my minimal testing, the replay saving seems decent? I think something might be wonky with the sound but I might need to mess with settings. it also captures either the active window OR the entire screen and if you have multiple screens you have to pick one before you try saving anything or it just captures the wrong one. i found out like 20 minutes after beginning to fiddle with it. I've only done 60 seconds for recording so idk how it'll work with longer.

i have a childhood love for ff12, mainly Balthier and Fran 🥰 baby me thought they were the coolest. this hasn't changed much tbh

Celeste has been moved to the top of my steam wishlist so i remember it exists more easily, will play in the name of science and also it looks cute

i forget blocking is a thing in games. my fighting style is basically "hit it until it stops moving and hit it a little more" which, unclear where this came from! i pretty much prefer to either tank hits or maybe dodge if possible. i see no problems with this. it worked in skyrim, it works in bloodborne.

cannot speak on asscreed tho, i only played a little bit of the first one because my sister wouldn't let me play the second. i think she said it was because it was more sexual?? i could be wrong. i remember liking altair, but i never went back. i think it was because it felt too big for me? i have a hard time sticking with games that have big long stories. which is why I've never finished a bioware game even though i end up loving the characters

okay lol ✌ i need to figure out how not to type entire paragraphs in asks. hope radeon works out decent for you if you give it a go. bye bye!

i actually did a little research too and i think i have the wrong graphics card for radeon BUT i also think that geforce has a clip thingy too!!! i just have to figure out how to use it. i have not been a pc gamer for very long and i am still trying to learn the ins and outs of using a machine made to do shit like this instead of jury-rigging a laptop that wasn't meant for more than word processing and watching youtube videos. anyone who has used geforce please advise i fucking hate figuring out new technology

also, control went on sale yesterday. 12 bucks. HAD to grab it. can't possibly say when i'll get around to playing it but it's mine now >:)

[selene-tarot]

Hi Selene! I’m Ana! Just here to give you some feedback and thank you so much for the reading, I hope everything is great with you and wish you health and happiness ❤️

I do feel the reading resonated a lot but can I ask if that connection can be a feeling or a trauma?

Because I have huuuge relationships traumas and just got out of a abusive relationship, but he still lives with me. I want to move on in love terms, find true love if that exists but I’m so messed up in my head that I can’t fully trust anyone, feels like every love interest has a second agenda or may end up being the same it was in my lasts relationships.

And also I just lost two of my fur babies and I can’t let go of this pain, at least I feel like it.

It feels that it’s wrong for me to be happy or laugh after losing them, like I’m forgetting them.

Right now I’m trying to seek help from a therapist and psychiatrist because I feel like all my traumas are keeping me stuck in life.

I'm SO sorry for your lost. I send my condolences🕊

cards: the hanged man rx, the chariot, 4 of wands rx

I'm getting that it seems to be both but I am leaning more towards it being feelings. For you, I get that something emotionally/mentally hasn't set in for you yet about this connection, like you're choosing to hold on and convince yourself you still share some type of familiarity and comfort with this person. You feel even though you guys are different you feel you guys still share strong similarities or they show parts of themselves you may hide, but that's not the case. Luckily you are in the right direction to getting therapy and it will be a really difficult process once you start looking back on it because it'll call to attention everything u went through and what you tolerated. This person seems so selfish and inconsiderate. An 'I do what I want and you can't stop me' type of person. I have suspicions this person was unfaithful as well. Fuck him.

I believe you'll find love when you start working on building esteem up and taking it easy, but this man should not be staying with you. From now on he'll be a big problem. He does not deserve you, you deserve better. Try to get protection if you can incase he try to threaten you or anything along those lines and if you're planning on him getting out set things up legally. I'm not great with giving advice like this so maybe you're gonna be like "wtf is she talkin about"

edit: I forgot to finish this I was sleepy😑but do what's best for you! you're gonna be okay.

[bigwishes]

Love your blog! The idea of helping guys with their wishes to be big sexy hunks! Do you need any help? Haha hos that for a wish! I would like to be a sexy genie able to help you grant these wishes. Looking forward to a beautiful friendship.

Hey bro, a genie really? I don't think you know what that entails. but a wish is a wish, so let me grant your heart's desire! You feel your body change, muscle expands outwards from you skinny frame as you grow larger and larger. Your height increases to an inhuman 10ft as you bump your head on the roof your growth begins to slow and stop. You aren't bodybuilder sized more like a giant sexy frat boy, Your skin darkens a few shades as your hair curls. Your face and chest itch as thick black hair climbs all over your body. You scratch it giving a moan, it feels incredible to have your itchy chest hair scratched on top of your massive pecs. The thought of cursing a guy who asks for true love to just be your personal chest scratcher crosses your mind and in that moment your body is flooded with cosmic power, the ability to reshape reality and break the laws of nature at your finger tips, that's why your body was made so much bigger than a mortal man's, it need to be built to contain this kind of power.

"now its time to take this power for a spin" you think

But not so fast buddy, you see I'm a recently freed genie, I spent a lot of time being traded from master to master, more years than your family tree has probably existed and I don't think its very fair for you just to get all this power free of charge, so I made you a very special pair of shorts. These brilliantly blue shorts will be your chains. You can try your hardest to take them off but they'll never come off, how silly of me I didn't think about your dick. At least when I was sitting waiting to be found for gaps of 100 years or so I had the pleasure of well...pleasure, but you my friend, well I hope the next guy that meets you frees you because otherwise it may be a few thousand years before you touch your manhood again.

But what is done is done, no point freaking out about not touching yourself, don't worry it'll still get hard you just wont be able to relieve it. Now to find you a "bottle" mine was a traditional lamp but it can really be anything really, and I think I have the perfect idea... how about a bodybuilding trophy? you said you want to help men become absolute hunks and reach their dream bodies well you got it man, lets limit that cosmic power to only being able to grant wishes around fitness and the body, this curse will break if you get freed don't worry, then you'll be free to use all the power of reality.

That's it mate, your new crib, but now where can I leave you. Well as a guy who wished to grant wishes for guys who want their dream body, and now as a genie who is bound to only grant wishes surrounding bodybuilding, fitness and the male body I think there is only one place to go. That's right, a gym!

Damn, this place looks pretty run down and that trophy case looks like it hasn't been opened in years, whelp genie 'bottles' are often found in forgotten spaces so I think I'll leave you there for now. Enjoy your time in your bottle, I'm sure someone will find you eventually and put you to work.

oh shit, if I cursed you to only grant wishes around those few things, it looks like no guy could wish you free by yourself. fuck bro, my bad, maybe you'll get lucky and get a really nice master with a second genie he'll use to free you, but for now, lets put you behind a larger trophy, don't want you found in 2 seconds now, do we?

[the-trashiest-of-the-trash]

I've always wondered what if Sergio got caught after the ending somewhere down the line, this probably seem more for stories than headcanon but I just can't stop thinking about it (O_O)

What if Sergio gets caught? (Part One)

To be honest Anon, I've thought of it too! I considered this idea and even had an idea for a fic! Lots of angst/comfort. Navigating relationships with characters like Val when there's a huge secret looming over the two of you. It's been on the back burner, but if there's any interest I'll start working on it more!

But anyway, I had to write something, so here you go! A short little snippet was all I had time for right now. It hasn't been proofread, and I'll probably edit it again at some point. But I hope you enjoy anyway!

_____

Pairing: Sergio x GN!Reader (They/them)

Trigger Warnings: Some cussing

Summary: After a couple of years, you thought that you had left your Abuela's case behind you. But, your fairytale life with your husband came crashing down quite suddenly, on a regular Saturday evening.

Masterlist | Part two

_____

Your day started normally. With Sergio up obscenely early, even on a Saturday for crying out loud, greeting you with a smile when you finally decide to wake up.

You had nothing planned for the day. You took a walk around town, had lunch at a restaurant, met up with Chava and laughed as he and your husband bickered. Then you checked up on the horses, Sergio chatting with them as if they were human.

When you arrived home, Sergio had insisted on cooking dinner. You sat on the counter and kept him company. He chided you for distracting him when he let the water boil over. It was regular things that occurred in your everyday life. And you never thought about it ending anytime soon.

Just as the two of you were debating over what movie to watch - with Sergio insisting it didn't matter because he had other plans, but you were fixed on watching a movie - there was a knock at the door.

"It's probably Aurora coming to scold you for teaching Lucia that math cheat sheet." You said as Sergio stood up to answer it.

"I hope not. She is terrifying when she's angry." He replied. You scrolled through some more movie options, waiting for your husband to get the ass kicking of the year.

It never came, the only thing was Chief Perez talking to him as another officer pulled out a pair of handcuffs. You had hardly processed what was happening when you stood up, quickly approaching them.

What the hell was happening? You thought you had left it all behind you. You forgave him. You hid the evidence. There was no way it was happening. "Chief, what's going on?"

"Your husband is being arrested for the murder of your grandmother." He said, and gave you no further explanation. Not what evidence they had against him, nothing.

If Sergio was shocked, he did a better job than you at hiding it. His jaw was set tight, and he said nothing as his wrists were handcuffed behind him, and he was already being hauled out the door.

"Wait! Can't I talk to him first?" You pleaded. You weren't sure if begging at the Chief's feet was going to do anything, but hell, you were willing. If you had a chance at talking with him, you would be damned if you let the chance slip between your fingers.

"You'll have your chance once we're done with him." Chief Perez said, never meeting your eyes when he spoke. He acted as if you were below him, and it pissed you off to no end.

"What the hell do you even have on him?" You asked. The only evidence that you knew of was the footage you had, but that was the only copy that existed. "I swear if you're just bullshitting-"

"Hey," Sergio said, standing beside you, hushing you from tearing into the Chief any further. "It'll be okay."

His assurance did nothing to calm you until you looked at him. Though his smile seemed strained, the look in his eye told you everything. He was giving up.

"Please don't cry, cariño." He said gently. You hardly noticed you were crying, and you wiped your eyes. "We'll be fine, I promise."

"I hope we don't find anything against your partner either." The Chief said.

"They didn't know a thing." Sergio was quick to interject before you could even speak up. He was always so quick to protect you, and you wondered when you would be able to do the same for him.

He looked back at you, gave you a quick kiss. "I'll see you soon." You weren't sure if that was possible, but you chose to believe him anyway.

And just like that, he was brought out of your home, escorted into the backseat of a police car. The Chief hardly spared a glance at you when he walked out the door. "I hope you know," He said, "He's going away for a very long time." And then he left.

[beautifulterriblequeen]

The Thief and the Tinker, Part 4: Circles and Cycles

part 3

Part 4

Viren: *smirks and plinks Runaan's coin to Ethari*

Ethari, furious: You throw another Moonshadow at me and I'm gonna lose it.

Circles and Cycles

Angst rating: 8/10

Back to Ethari, because we're not done with him yet. Ethari is soft, but he isn't weak. He won't be a willing pawn for Viren. He loves Runaan to the point of invention, and his devotion is more constant than the moon itself. He'll agree to do what Viren says, and he'll be Very Sad. But his spirit is in no way broken. Viren bribing him with the coins containing his family will only have the opposite effect. It'll give Ethari something to fight for.

We could get Focused Chaos Ethari. We could get Angery Trickster Ethari. We could get Rules, What Rules? Ethari. Let him try to steal the coins, try to break them, try to kill Viren, and be stymied at every turn, until he settles and seems cowed. And then all he does is craft his way out of the problem.

What if we are gifted with Iron Man Elf Ethari, who pretends to build a fake Key for Viren, but meanwhile he's really building a coinbuster with whatever he can get his hands on - primal stones, magically imbued gemstones, stolen artifacts, his own arcanum, his own reputation as the Master Craftsman of the Silvergrove. He'll use almost - almost - anything, to stop Viren and free his family.

Ethari may have to choose between those two things, though. And he's a hero, deep down, just like his family, just like his daughter. If he has to choose, he'll choose to stop Viren and save Xadia. He'll pay the same price as his family has if he must.

He'd let Viren think he was motivated purely by wanting his family back, but Ethari is far too steeped in the illusion and sacrifice for that to be all there is to his motives. It's a so-close-and-yet-so-far thing, how he and Viren almost embody the same ideals. Almost. Ethari would take one look at Viren, who just burnt down his whole Forest, he'd see the biggest threat in Xadia, and he'd say anything to get a chance to stop this juggernaut of destruction from getting his hands on whatever that ultimate power really is, locked behind that missing key. If he has to abandon his people and bawl his eyes out to convince Viren he's in, then he will.

And Viren wouldn't make it easy for him. He knows clever when he sees it. He went through all this trouble to persuade Ethari to work with him. He would need to keep Ethari as off-balance as possible to ensure that he keeps working as he should.

Angsty jewelry, anyone?

Viren giving Ethari his husband in pendant form to remind him what he's working for, when Viren and Ethari both know full well that only dark magic can open the hellcoins. Ethari wearing another pendant of his love, except it's not a metaphor this time. It's literally his love, in a coin around his neck.

Viren would love making Ethari stay close to him of his own free will if he ever hoped to free Runaan. Making people bind themselves to you is a big power flex. Remember that TDP stream future-season teaser note about Bait being in a creepy restraint in a future season?

This card is written on in all-caps, so that really could be "Bait" or "bait," or--knowing this show--both. Viren's been using Runaan as bait for Ethari all along. Putting his coin in a dark magic pendant casing for Ethari to wear would be a great parallel for that. Oh god. Oh man.

Maybe he'll stab the coin's scary casing right through that circle on Ethari's chest, right over his heart, make that Iron Man reference really obvious. Ethari also losing his shirt at some point, for angsty Viren-related reasons? It's more likely than you think. I mean... Ethari is literally involved in both forms of forging at this point. Shirt's gotta come off for uhhhh work reasons. And because he's hot. Because of all the forging. Mmhmm. I mean how else are we finally going to discover what his markings look like this is research I swear

I mentioned that I liked god-tier villains, right? Yeah, this is amazing. I haven't wanted to die and ascend over an idea for quite a while, but Ethari vs Viren in a drawn-out battle of wills would kill me in the best way. Especially since, while it looks like they're essentially fighting for who gets Runaan, they're truly fighting a much larger battle with much higher stakes. They're fighting for the future itself. It's an epic struggle between the Narrative of Strength and the Narrative of Love. And we've seen what happens, over and over, when the Narrative of Strength gets to call the shots.

On a meta note: If Ruthari's story arc isn't a love letter from one trauma survivor to another, and on a broader scope to all survivors who see it, I don't know what is. Sometimes life just chews us up and spits us out and we can't stop it and it breaks us. But sometimes we can reach out and grasp the chance to help each other, even after that, even when it hurts a lot, because we know what it means to be loved, and to love, and to want a safer future for each other and for people we'll never meet. The future is worth standing together for, helping each other back up for, fighting side by side for, even if you can't see how it'll end, or even how to begin. We are stronger together, and sometimes we need to fight for our "together" before we can fight for anything else. And that's worth it, every time.

This is glorious, it's beautiful, it's tragic, it's amazing, it makes me want to dance, it makes me want to scream into the void, it makes me want to slap someone with a semi truck. No, someone specific, don't worry, and he super deserves it.

Because Ethari is going to win. He was always going to win. He's soft, and he's clever, and he hasn't forgotten what love means. It's what he's fighting for. Not power, not control. Love. He doesn't want to dictate Runaan's future or anyone else's. He just wants his husband--and everyone else--to have one at all.

So he's going to win.

What thwarting Viren looks like, I couldn't possibly guess. TDP is no stranger to angst, so there will probably be a high cost involved in outwitting the dark mage. Maybe not everyone can be rescued from the coins. Maybe Ethari will lose his life, or his soul, or his vision, or something else really angsty. Viren could even kill him and resurrect him as a smoky craftsman, or a zombie craftsman, or something equally biddable but horrible. The only thing I'm sure of is that Ethari would never willingly make a working Key of Aaravos Ethari as long as there's a chance Viren could possess it. But I do believe that if he gets the right opportunity while he's busy saving the world from Viren's dark intentions, he'll break his husband's hellcoin open somehow and set him free, even if he has to smile at the devil to do it.

Ethari understands the difference between "you can" and "therefore you should." He might sacrifice his own world to save his husband, but he'd never sacrifice someone else's world. That's one of the Moonshadow cultural limits I've noticed: they accept boundaries when it comes to other people's autonomous rights, especially regarding life and death.

These limits could get pushed. Ethari will be under great duress and emotional strain if he goes through this kind of interaction with Viren. And maybe he will choose some dark things. Everyone else has. But I'm placing all my eggs in the basket labeled "Saved By Love." Either I'm right, or I'll get the best angst omelets in the universe. And I do love omelets. A villain invented them, you know. ;)

Another support for Ethari not making the key for Viren: the real Key exists!

Callum has it right now. The plot doesn't need Ethari's key (yet? ever?), but it does need Ethari to learn what he's made of, to stand up for something, or against something, or both at once. And once he learns what he will and won't do and the universe has rewarded his discovery with the return of his beloved husband then Ethari will be ready to take on whatever else the plot has in mind for him.

Depending on the plan, all of these events could happen in S4, as a setup for even bigger things to follow. Viren's wishes can be thwarted here and the show's overall tension will only continue to rise. It would let Ethari flex yes pls his skills so we know who he is, it would show how driven Viren can be for a long-term goal, it would let Claudia saunter further downwards, it would reveal some human/Moonshadow history, and it would resolve the seasons-long tension regarding Runaan's fate, allowing for the cycle of speculation, feels, angst, and Ruthari fanart to begin again. ;) Viren would need to find another way to pursue his long-term goal. And Callum's Key will get a little more clarity on just how important it is to the fate of the world - which will make everything he does, and everyone he talks to, and anyone who knows what he's carrying, intensely important.

Nyx is gonna steal it isn't she, omg chaos birb

To Viren, Ethari was a main course, meant to be devoured and consumed in his lifelong quest for something that will finally satisfy. But to Ethari, Viren was just empty calories to be passed over in favor of ordering his perennial favorite dish, one more time.

Once Ethari escapes Viren's clutches with as much of his family as he can rescue, Viren may turn back to looking for the real Key, especially if someone's seen it recently. Hunting a kid probably seems easier than hunting a full-grown Moonshadow craftsman who just outsmarted him. okay so maybe Nyx stealing it would be a good thing and save Callum's life

Ethari could go on to help repair the Sunforge, or rebuild the Moonhenge, or work on constructing Moonshadow villages in Katolis if he hasn't been ghosted for abandoning everyone after the forest fire. He might build magical devices for any number of reasons, to help all kinds of characters. Hopefully, wherever he goes, he'll have Runaan with him, in some way, for at least a little while. Cycles be like, and I feel like Runaan will not want to remain still for long, for whatever reason. Does he need revenge, atonement, justice, a new body, to find Rayla, to find Ezran? He'll be back in action as soon as he can, I think.

Okay, but, I'm so soft at the thought of a scene where Runaan and Ethari come before King Ezran. The husbands tried to save their people Runaan's way, the old way, and it only continued to endanger them. Following the cycle, as Moonshadows do, was the wrong move. But the son of the last human Runaan killed reached out with mercy and broke a thousand years of suffering and sorrow and hatred. Ezran did what Runaan couldn't: he saved the Moonshadow elves from total destruction. And that, more than anything else in the world, could soften one very broody assassin's heart toward humans again.

What would Runaan do, if his heart truly changed toward humans? What would he say to Ezran? I could see him struggling for a long moment before dropping to one knee to pledge his heart as he once had to do before the Dragon Throne. He doesn't know any other way but to serve. Ezran, reading the whole room and everyone's feelings before he tells Runaan that No, we don't do that here. That he's free, and free means free. No chains, no oaths. Just trust and friendship. He should get to make his own decisions for a change, even though that can be hard and scary sometimes. Runaan being genuinely scared, because that's too much freedom. But he's not alone. He has Ethari, and Ezran, and Rayla, and Callum, and their people, and their allies. And no matter what else happens, the people of Katolis - elven and human - will find a way forward. Together.

part 5

[syubub]

2021 Reading for BTS and the collective!!

Wow wow wow! I didn't disappear or get dragged away by a demon. No no, I just got thrust into unexpected shadow work and I now have an unhealthy obsession with sea shanties and a love of pasta.

I had this idea planned to be early in January but that didn't pan out so I'm doing it now. I have another yoongi reading in the works and another fun thing coming soon as well!!

I promise I won't bore you to death any longer but I hope you've all been doing well!!

Disclaimer: This is for entertainment purposes only and not to be taken as fact.

If this message doesn't apply, let it fly!

Cool cool cool.

Let's get it.

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Oki. I first want to say that this I gonna be long lol. I did a meditation and gathered some little pieces of things y'all might need to hear and then I pulled cards for every month. The fountain tarot deck is the cards for us, the collective, and the rider-waite cards are for bts. It'll make more sense when I add picks and stuff. I did a little extra card pull for yoongi for the month of May too :) I'll make sure to type out all the cards in text so you know what they are (the pics are kinda wack.) I also used my pendulum to ask if there was a bts related event for every month and that's at the bottom. It's just to take in the possible energy for the month and something that could result from that energy!

LETTUCE BEGIN (hehe)

Starting with the section for the channeled messages. I want to reiterate that this was collective so if it doesn't resonate with you, the message might not be for you! Use your intuition.

(Enough talking. Damn)

So. As I said this was through meditation and connecting to the big column tree thing (I told my cousin about the tree/pillar and they were like,, "so basically a big energy dildo in the æther?" .... I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. h e l p m e) and asking if there was any messages or advice that needed to be delivered and it was... intresting?

Things came fragmented. So there was little messages like, "Its gonna be okay" and "things are changing for everyone" and "open your eyes if you want to see" (that's sassy.) There was one particular thing that was confusing me though. Straight up it was just "flower" on repeat and like a really bad picture of a flower? Like you could tell what it was but it was bad quality. Anyway, I was like "okay. Kindly shut the fuck up. Pls." And I wrote down flower, pink flower and rose. Sooo.... idk but there you go.

More messages were things like, "the block isn't in your head", "try calling forth that which you seek" and... February. Possibly there is specific (very very very loose) connection to the 10th-19th? I'm not to sure what or why but I'd say maybe look out for opportunities on these days and also maybe external events.

Continuing with dates. In the last this 21 and January 21 came up. It came up again but with 2 messages. So first, either 21st is a day where something is put into motion (possibly private or public) or announced and the second was "add them together dumbass" that's not very kind but 3. Again this has been discussed too but but but... maybe a signal of a third mixtape 👀 (not necessarily on the 21st per say but possibly in March? I'm really not sure).

Oki. I got side tracked like I always do and started thinking about tattoos and stuff and I really want koo to have a peony tattoo. I feel it in my BONES. It would suit him so well. and as I was thinking about tattoos I heard, "don't be surprised if yoongi gets/shows a tattoo this year" ??? What the fuck? I think maybe they messing with me but now I have hopes and I don't want them to be crushed and thrown to the wind :(

Back to normal stuff, "the theme is growth" I think that fits very well with the reading. "Blue might be a lucky color" self explanatory. It might be lucky. "Start practicing grounding and centering" this was LOUD. This will help you in how you react to events in the future. Really do practice this if you haven't.

This is where it gets a little weird. So, I got a message that said "start living as if you never existed." I am not a 100% sure what this means but I think I have a pretty good guess. I hate to make it sound weird like this but by sort of focusing on something that is so hard to comprehend (because our brains can't comprehend not existing very well) you kinda break the 4th wall? Like in Deadpool when he addresses the audience and is aware that he is a character played by Ryan Reynolds? anyway, focusing on something that seemingly impossible you kind of accidentally open up the floodgates for a lot of other things. I would say if you are not in the right headspace to do this don't do it but it can be a powerful way to break up the monotony of reality. The theory that everything happens simultaneously bc time isn't a linear progression events blah blah we are energy blah blah the multiverse blah blah.. Theres so so so so so so so so so much about this and how it applies to things that I could probably write you 10+ dictionaries worth of material but for the sake of simplicity and not wanting to write a novel right now, I will continue. The main lesson is to start challenging your perception of the world around you. Ask why and why and why and why. Essentially seeing cracks in the matrix. Pulling your head out of your cosmic ass, realizing that rose you're smelling is actually daffodil ect. It's not supposed to bring you fear but just kinda encouraging you to question all the things that you perceive as given truths.

I tried to make that sound cohesive but really it's such a big concept that I can't really wrap it up all nice and neat.

Oki. May and March are also important times.

Listen to your intuition and try not to take everything so seriously. I'm not saying to check out and go squat in the Himalayas but it's important to find joy in the now. Life is already tough enough so don't forget to watch a silly show that you like or change your hair to a style you've never tried, wear makeup in a very loud way. Just have fun and don't worry so much about things that you can't control. Listen to yourself and your intuition.

Well that was all over the place. Let's get on to the actual tarot part now.

For the record, the pictures are right to left.

January for the collective

We have the empress, the sun, 7 of swords and a fortune that says "act well your part; there the honor lies"

Hmm. Ngl I was a little confused to see the empress and the sun for January... I mean it hasn't been great. So I pulled clarity card 7 of swords. The 7 of swords is all about betrayal. It's about the deception and and actively getting away with things. This is people lying, cheating, sneaking and the works.

This makes much more sense!! The Sun card is usually about joy and success and happiness but in this case I see it as illuminating the betrayal. It's shining light on the deception and keeps the spotlight there. Its also an energetic card so I think that shows passion for uncovering the truth.

With the empress card too I think January is all about getting creative in all forms. Creative ways to protest, to mourn, to celebrate, to connect. Also taking in the abundance that we DO have. The beauty that surrounds us. I like to think of aphrodite energy for this. Its not just love and passion and creativity but is also asserting yourself and having strong passion for what you love and fighting for it. Did you know aphrodite was also called upon in ancient Greece in times of war? She was honored as a goddess of war but still a goddess of love, the sea, fertility ect. What I'm trying to say is that being a creative and "feminine" energy is in no way weak. Sometimes the most powerful things come from this energy. Love aggressively with good intentions. The point is that you should take whatever you're feeling and translate it into something creative or something you care about. The fact that covid is still a thing really sucks but take any rage, hurt, sadness, joy, love whatever and use that shit to make something amazing. Bake bread and punch the fuck out of it, paint your frustration, play hopscotch in higheels while you listen to heavy metal. You get the point.

Now January for BTS!!

We have the death card. (I only pulled one card bc I have things planned from this)

January has been... strange? To say the least.

This card can be a lot of things for them. I think this points to more maturity in their music? Like they've finally ditched the "shiny kpop boy band" label and are being taken seriously in the west. I also think that they're going through a musical/concept transformation~ I think it also signified the change in plans bc of the Grammys perhaps they had things planned an that fell through so they were forced to rapidly change plan/course.

For January: possible mixtape or announcement.

February for the collective

We have 8 of coins reverse and hanged man reverse.

The 8 of pentacles reverse talks a lot about self improvement. Doing that good good inner work and self care. Working on developing parts of you that you've maybe neglected. It's also learning how to work with how you are instead of wishing you weren't the way you are. If you have a therapist its a great time to maybe ask for any extra tips that you can practice daily to help you even more. Maybe exploring more into insecurities relating to finance or jobs or your passions. If you don't have a therapist but you have the means to get one I always highly recommend. You don't have to have "problems" to see a therapist. Everyone could use a non biased point of view that is literally trained to help you be you best self. If you can't get therapy, I get it. Shits tough rn but there's still things we can do to better ourselves like Journaling and reading therapy blogs or self help books (not the taky shit) or trying a hobby you fell out of touch with. There's also a lot of places where you can get therapy promise on the internet. Most importantly, better yourself in the way that you need. Take time in February to take notice of what you want to improve upon. The 8 of coins reversed does come with the warning not to get stuck in perfectionism. Go easy on yourself and if you find yourself getting frustrated when working on projects, try to take a step back and practice whatever it is in a fun way and then come back to it later

Hanged man reverse talks about knowing that you need to chill but you don't. You'll need too. Maybe you'll find yourself swept up in work and tasks and you're over whelmed and know you need to stop and catch your breath but you resist. Why? Well, perhaps you're trying to ignore reality by filling the empty spaces with things and stuff so you don't have to face what's bothering you. Not wise. Take time for yourself. There's also the flips side where people are just kinda stuck.. creative block. Maybe you want something to turn out one way and it just isn't, so your stuck and frustrated and can't move past it. Let go of your expectation of how it should be and let it be what it is. Go with the flow and maybe you'll see a new way to overcome your problem. You'll eventually get that break through that you need! The theme of February is about self improvement. Listen to yourself.

February for BTS

We have judgment.

Hehe yeah. This card is about rebirth and the inner calling. Letting go of the old to step into the new version of you. This is also a very spiritual card lol. This can talk about a new decision that you have to trust your gut on. This is a very significant card that screams comeback to me. It also can talk about sharing your struggles with a group of people and that to me sounds comeback ish. Maybe this will be an announcement in February, maybe they'll be working on it idk but this is ultimate comeback energy so I hope they utilize this for a big group project!!

February: possible BTS comeback (even my pendulum knows)

March for the collective

The chariot and justice

This plays directly off of February! With the chariot you're taking the self improvement that you've done and putting it to action! Now is the time to act on the dreams and passions that you have don't wait and hope for the best. March is about action and standing in your power.

Justice card is cause and effect and truth. What you do will have consequences good or bad. Not doing anything also has consequences. Cease the moment and make the best of it. You'll be taking responsibility for what you do. You start a business? Now you have the responsibility of running it and you get the credit. Stuff like that. Stand by your decisions with conviction and trust yourself.

There's also the side of justice that talks about bringing justice. If you've been wronged, you'll be brought justice if you stand up for yourself.

We also carry the continuous lesson of learning what we truly believe and challenge those beliefs!

March for BTS

Oki we have the hermit and the 6 of pentacles reverse.

Well... let's start with the 6 of pentacles reverse. This can really talk about being so generous and giving to everyone else that you forget about yourself. I think that maybe they might be over exerting themselves and giving so much that they're exhausted physically and emotionally as well. I think too, they take on so much of our pain like its their own? Idk but this would be a good time to do a large scale fan project to show them a little extra love!

With the hermit card it talks about a self introspection so they could be looking inward as a team and kinda evaluating their bond.

I also see this as maybe being alone as in they maybe can't physically go to the grammys? Or maybe they had been planning the rescheduled concerts and they had to be pushed back even further? Things like that. Regardless this signals re thinking/reevaluating the goals that they have and considering what direction to go in!

March: possible mixtape or solo project?

April for the collective

We have 6 of coins and 3 of cups reverse.

Let's start with the 6 of coins. It's about sharing. It can be about charity so sharing money via donation but also giving time, effort, energy to people as well. Giving knowledge is good too! It's an all round exchange. Maybe someone lends you money or you lend money to someone. It's give and take. It's a two way street. It's also a card of balanced finance. So money stuff should be looking promising around this time (for you U.S people this could point to more stimulus help as well)

And for the 3 of cups reversed... I see this as reopening of places and people struggling to find the balance. So think people who've been in lockdown celebrating by throwing a big party... yikes. This card reminds that we should be mindful of the long-term consequences that come with our actions.. maybe also people that are experiencing fear of being in public places now. This is only one facet though. Bc I think this also means in general, missing being with friends and having a renewed relationship because you've really realized how important it is to have these people that mean so much to you in your life. Don't forget that you have people that love you and want the best for you. Call them when you feel alone.

April for BTS

The heirophant

Mhmm. This one kinda gives me vibes that they'll be mentoring people? Idk but I see them more as the heirophant teaching what they've learned/ know to help guide others. HOWEVER this could also be them taking a new task under their belt. Learning something new. Since this is as a group reading I assume that this talks about the group as a whole. This card is also very tradition oriented so maybe they are taking lessons that are connected to traditional Korean culture? Maybe its for RUN or maybe its to incorporate into music and preformance. Think bts mma preformance but all of them learning together? Idk, it's just a thought (maybe wishful thinking). It also talks about seeking counseling so maybe they'll do yoongis idea from the most recent RUN.

This can also be them embracing this kind of leadership/ status.

April: I got nothing. It does feel like something though

May for the collective

Five of cups and queen of cups reversed

Five of cups is disappointment, regret and self pity. Now honestly this to me looks like possibly a tightening of restrictions yet again. Regardless of the situation that this is talking about, the best thing you can do is not wallow in the bullshit. You scrape yourself off the pavement and move foward. You'll need forgiveness of yourself and others and that if shit isn't going your way, you need to pull your head out of your ass and look around bc there's options out there. It's like drowning in a kiddie pool. Just stand up, dude. The water is like 5 inches.

Queen of cups reversed talks about self love and self care. It's more of that look inwards energy. Think about really taking care of yourself. May might be emotionally draining so you need to be ready to take care of you! Part of self care is making sure that your boundaries are well enforced.

Be on the look out for codependent behaviors. Check in with yourself.

The queen of cups is very intuitive and having it in reverse can talk about you not taking enough time to listen to it. Make an effort to meditate for like 5 minutes a day at least. Do something to let yourself connect to your intuition and higher self.

May for BTS

9 of pentacles

This about enjoying the fruits of your labor and absolute abundance and luxury. This could talk about them rolling in the dough after signing a new partnership or having a concert or something if the sort. This could also be a time where we see them buying new things like houses, cars and rings (lol) but also this could be them doing a very high production value project! Also namjoon and his bonsai army are thriving in this time!

May: possible concert or scheduled concert event. Activity of some kind.

Yoongi interlude

I asked for one card to give me an idea of what the mystical May 13th really is. I got: the star, 2 of cups, 4 of wands, the world and the sun.

Guys. I can't with this. 2 of cups is a card of union, romance, soulmate. 4 of wands is celebration, joy, homecoming, bliss. The world is completion and the sun is happiness, joy, marriage, enlightenment.

I've said it a billion times but that's some soulmate shit. So soft so cute and May will be eventful for his personal life.

June for the collective

Death and the heirophant reversed.

Wow wow wow death is transformation and a new chapter so a new way of life and something new/ different that changes how we see things. Again this could be relating to new covid things and new policies and stuff like that but also new as in new to all of us. Groundbreaking perhaps?

The heirophant reversed talks about teaching yourself. Being your own teacher and making your own path. This might be spiritual or otherwise. Challange what the world wants from you and instead listen to what you truly want bc you don't need anyone's approval. Continue to ask questions about why things are the way that they are.

June for BTS

Page of pentacles

Oki oki page of pentacles means a new creative venture and manifestation. Maybe something that they've been wanting for a while finally comes to fruition. This might be the start of a new project that they haven't done before or something cross genre? Idk but its a really good sign of being motivated for a new endeavor and manifesting any projects that they've ever wanted to do. Love this promising energy!!

June: idk

July for the collective

10 of swords and 9 of cups reversed.

10 of swords signals a painful ending. Also deceit. Its a necessary end to a long battle. The only thing you can do is control how you react in these situations. You just kinda gotta surrender into the pain and know that it's temporary. Take time to reflect on what happened and why and how it will help you grow.

The 9 of cups reversed talks about valuing stuff and material things over emotions and spiritual things. This can be talking about society in general, that we are becoming more aware to the fact that there is often more value placed on ephemeral items rather than humanity as a whole. This also can be talking about coming to the realization that we've been working so hard towards... something we don't really care about simply because we were told that it's what you do.

If you want something different to happen you have to put in effort. You can't be sitting in front of a water fountain being like, "damn. I'm thirsty. I really really want water so why isn't it in my mouth yet?" Like?? Hello? You have to take the first step, my dude.

Certainly don't try to do anything that would cost you finatial security or health.

You have the potential to find happiness within yourself. So try looking inside instead of looking outward.

July for BTS

4 of swords.

This is about rest and relaxation!

Taking time to meditate and take some time to look at what you've done objectively. Ots like the hermit in a way but much more focused on resting and relaxing so you can come back stronger and with better direction. Maybe they'll take a break for a couple days but I really see it as them reassessing options. Especially if July goes how I think it will. Maybe they'll film something like In The Soop again? Maybe we'll see bon voyage type thing? Idk. But it could be something kinda out of the spotlight? Maybe something more healing?

July: maybe something?? I'm not sure but it seems like something might be in store.

August for the collective

5 of coins and the wheel of fortune

Well let's see. 5 of pentacles talks about isolation and a negative mindset. This talks about falling on hard times but its a temporary set back. This energy can be talking about falling on hard times emotionally as well. In the card it shows a woman outside of a church shivering and cold but she's too busy thinking about all that she's lost that she doesn't notice the warm church that she could step into for shelter.

But then with he wheel of fortune that talks about fate/destiny, opportunity and luck so maybe this is a necessary loss so that a new door can open. This does kinda tie in with July as well. The end of something is painful but it's often a necessary thing. Might be a bit uncomfy but that's how things change. Again I see this maybe hinting more towards society but none the less it's definitely a theme for August to have doors closing and new ones opening so be on the lookout for that.

August for BTS

The devil.

Now don't fret. The devil talks a lot about choice. Most notably the choice between instant gratification and and something more substantial and the devil leans towards indulgence. It also has a lot to do with the shadow side. This could talk about ~scandal~ sure, but I think its more of a time where you become aware of negative patterns and you shine a light on that part you've ignored. On a much lighter note this card talks also about an incredible bond between people. It can be unhealthy if not given space or boundaries. Listen to pied piper and come back to me.

I also REALLY REALLY REALLY hope that this card points to this: sexuality. The boys have always been pretty pg when it comes to the topic of sex and embracing sexuality so I really do hope to see something more daring and grown up and exploring a tastefully sexy concept. On the same vain as sexuality this card also talks about kinks and stuff like that so don't be surprised if we get more outfits like fake love Era bondage harnesses.

August: ???

September for the collective

We have the world and 10 of wands reversed.

The 10 of wands reversed talks about carrying burden. Doing extra work and taking on more responsibility. Doing everything by yourself and carrying this heavy load alone will get you burnt out quicker than anything. You might be taking on too much and you'll need to prioritize what you really need to focus on. I also think there will just be a lot happening in September for a lot of people. It's a lot of working hard because you know it's good work or because it's what's right. This could be social responsibility that's placed on you or work responsibility. For whatever reason this burden isn't something you want to share with others because you think its yours alone to deal with. It's not though bc you'll figure out eventually that if it hurts so much you'll find a way to lessen the burden. 10 in tarot is all about the completion of a cycle and going through the wands cycle is hard work because for anything to be made of passion, you need to put the work behind it. The burden isn't forever, the heavy work load will lighten but this is you seeing things out. It's a good thing!

Especially considering this is paired with with world. The world is all about completion and that's what you're doing here is finding completion. You are seeing things out until the end but you just need to learn to give up some responsibility, lessen your burden.

This also talks about hard work being put into wider social spheres as well. Things like the vaccines becoming more widespread through the whole globe or at least better planing and infrastructures not related to covid. Things are looking up!

September for BTS

Knight of swords reverse

This bad boi is restless energy. It's being so pent up that you're ready to burst and you really want to take action but you can't because something is keeping you from taking that action. Again I do think this is kinda covid related in regards to touring bc if they do tour in 2021 its gonna look a lot different. This energy can be a bit impulsive and directionless so I think maybe they'll channel this into album material something? I'm not really sure tbh. I'm suprised this energy didn't show up earlier because it almost seems inevitable.

September: no clue

October for the collective

Ten of coins and the star reverse.

Welp let's start with the 10 of coins. Its about wealth, financial security, and long term success so this is a pretty prosperous time. This talks about the obvious monetary wealth and material wealth but also an abundance of opportunities. So this is definitely a good time to enjoy whatever consistency you have. This energy is really really abundant in the career space as well. So October could be very prosperous in the job field and you'll have likely found what it is you really want and could be successful at. This could be the actual act or just the idea. This is could also talk about investing in something for your future, this could be time or money.

With the star reversed it can talk about a loss of faith and a disconnection. This often points to feeling like you've just been forgotten or left out. Like the universe doesn't give a shit about you and left you out to die. Things might seem unfair but always try to look for the lesson that you can take from the experience. Seeing the 10 of coins and the star makes me think that a lot of people have kinda lost faith in their manifestations and also just in the concept of not living in a state of need. Especially if you see other people doing well and you've been trying so fucking hard but you haven't gotten a break. I know we hate to hear it but this can serve as a test of faith. Or rather an opportunity to get your shit in line and take a second to breath. Do something good for yourself and then continue on. This star in reverse serves to show you what no longer sparks joy and helps you find what does and what that initial spark was in the first place. Helps you get back to the original vision/ spark.

October for BTS

5 of pentacles reverse.

This signals the end of difficult times and getting that groove back. The last month was restless energy with no where to go but this month that energy is certainly put to good use. They might be figuring out what has been missing In their lives and starting to rectify that. They are definitely reminded that material wealth doesn't bring spiritual or emotional wealth. Might be also feeling a bit alienated too.

October: something is likely but idk

November for collective

Six of swords reversed and the moon.

Transition and change is prevalent. The 6 of swords is about leaving behind the familiar. Maune this is leaving a job, a new change in the status quo, leaving a relationship ect. The thing you have to keep in mind is just how amazing this is in terms of what it will do. It will alow growth!! And bring clarity!! Thos can also be societal as well, something being left behind in favor of something new. It's letting go and reflecting so that you can move foward.

This is strengthened by the moon card. The moon card is the subconscious and all the things that come with it. The anxiety, the illusion, the uncertainty. You'll want to deal with whatever emotions come up. The moon can signify a confusing time where things aren't what they seem to be. That's the illusions so you'll have rely more on intuition at a time like this. Your dreams might hold significance in this time as well. Listen to your guides and your own guidance because it will help you understand more than you did before this journey began. Using moon cycles to your advantage in November might really help you!!

November for BTS

7 of wands

Challenge and competition. People are envious of bts. We know this. But people will be challenging them for what they've gained: music industry domination. This might co.e in the way that people will spread vicious rumors in attempt to disenfanchise or possibly it will be a fair fight. It could also be a challenge/ battle for some other aspect that involves legal matters.

My best guess though is good old competition. Bts has proven again and again that they will continue to do what they do how they do but they will not be trampled over. In the best way this could renew some of that spirit in friendly competition. They will tear eachothers throats out for a pack of ramen so maybe a bit of competition will be good for them. It keeps life intresting.

November: nothin

December for the collective

Two of cups and the emperor!

Let's start off with the emperor card talks about stability and order. It can also signify being the "breadwinner" so its a good sign that you'll kinda be on top of your shit. The emperor is also an amazing leader so you might find yourself taking on a leadership role too! This is very organized energy that works very smoothly!

two of cups is such a lovely way to end out the year! It's love and partnership and attraction so if you aren't in a relationship by this time you might meet someone who strikes your fancy!! On a none romantic relationship note though, this card is also great for business partnership bc it signifies that you're on the same page and have the same goals in mind!

It's harmonious relationships and trust between them!! Love love love this energy so much! Cups are the suit of emotions and this card is so promising.

If you are in a relationship, this can talk about "falling in love all over again" like you're just reminded of how good they are.

December for BTS

Queen of cups

Intuition, creativity and emotional stability. They're using intuition to guide their moves foward with emotional maturity. They are in a place of knowing what they want and why. This would be a good time to work on an album or a book or to release them. The queen of cups is like the friend that you can tell absolutely anything and somehow they have a helpful answer. This card is really calm and it can also talk about subconscious thoughts.

I think that bts is maybe making more of a conscious effort to make sure that what they do is just as emotionally fulfilling for them as it is for us! They might be kinda pondering the future at this time and considering if this is what fills their emotional cup!

December: possibly a thing?

Now these cards are the vibe of the year and some advice.

For the collective (on the left)

Three of swords and judgment reverse.

The fortune says "accept the challenges, so that you may feel the exhilaration of victory"

The 3 of swords is about disappointment and hurt and heartbreak. It's about the emotional release that we all need when shit gets tough. Don't pretend to be strong. If you need to cry, fucking cry. This year is about letting go of expectations and do what you have to do to release so you can move foward and not have these things pile up.

You have to make an effort to not let yourself take on what other people think of you. You aren't defined by what some asshole says. You define yourself.

Judgment reverse is about self doubt and ignoring your path. It's being stagnant and being harsh on yourself. This year has a focus on building yourself up and noticing when you are not. Bring light to the things that are holding you back without harsh judgment for yourself. You can't beat yourself up. If you make a bad decision you know not to make it again. Take accountability and move on.

The oracle card is inner temple.

Seriously all the focus of this year is in self improvement and dear god, please take time to work on yourself spiritually!!! Everything you want to know is there if you take the time to listen. This should be a place where you feel safe and welcome. It definitely should not feel like something you HAVE to do.

For BTS

10 of swords and page of swords

The fortune says "you create your own stage. The audience is waiting" (how tje fuck?? This is the perfect fortune)

The 10 of swords is a painful but necessary end. This is accepting the current situation. They maintain focus for 2021 for them is adapting and keeping their spirits up.

With the page of swords it talks about new ideas and that kind of creativity. It's also a lot about communication so I really think that they'll be figuring out new ways to connect and new projects that will be prosperous.

The oracle card is Pleiades

This is what we talk about all the time. Bts has helped so many people want to be better and do better. They are uplifting humanity and giving people a sense if belonging. Bts finds you when you need them most 💜💜💜

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Wow I had to write this up over 2 days bc this was so fucking long. I need a nap. Idk if I'll proof read this before I post it so don't hate me for the mistakes (honestly, there's like 10,000 spelling and grammar mistakes in my other posts too 🙃)

I hope you guys enjoyed it and maybe this will be helpful to to have a forecast of some possible energy for you to look out for!!

Also bts bc I love them. I have another bts 2021 reading I'll do soon too!

Hope you guys are happy and well 💜