#Hoping that by doing so it'll stop existing but that hasn't worked

[kittehbiscuits]

I have a theory guys

The woman that he died over is the wife in the sequel, and also the owner of the finger with a wedding ring he pulled out of his pocket, so I guess that makes her his ex wife so I could be wrong but maybe they just didn't add ex when they revealed casting for whatever reason.

[angelinthefire]

So my latest idea for deancas in the winchesters tv show (a tv show that I have not watched [... yet???]) is roughly something like this:

ok, Dean and Jack and Bobby get back to Heaven, and Dean goes into the Roadhouse this time. It's a little party. You can tell that Dean is still melancholy. And then he sees Cas again. Cas is kind of nervous. But Dean just melts when he sees him, and also manages to look somehow sadder. And he hugs him tight for a long time. And Cas relaxes too. But they're still in the Roadhouse surrounded by people, so they don't talk, and Dean gets pulled back into the celebrations.

But later, it's night, and Dean steps out back of the Roadhouse, into the field. Cas is there, looking up at the sky, hands in his pockets. Dean comes and stands next to him.

Their conversation starts out much the same way as in Full of Grace, with Dean being like:

"I missed you."

"I missed you too. Though I was hoping you'd take longer to get here."

Dean scoffs and shakes his head. "I tried, y'know. To be the guy you gave that speech to."

Cas turns to face him fully. "You are that guy."

"Cas..." Dean's gaze seaches Cas' face as he searches for what to say.

Then:

Dean focuses and asks softly, "What do you want?"

"Dean?"

"Tell me. You said the one thing you want is something you can't have. So tell me."

Cas fumbles for the right words for a beat, just the thought of what he wants alone starting to make him emotional. Finally he says with a sad smile, "To have a life with you."

And the irony is not lost on Dean. He takes a breath that's thick with tears, clearly thinking about might-have-beens. His gaze drops from Cas' eyes to his mouth, and he says with a soft desperation, "Then let's get out of here. Let's live."

Cas balks. "I can't."

"Since when do you care about rules?"

Cas just looks at him imploringly.

But Dean is already getting worked up at the idea. "Come on, what's one more time? It'll be just 30, 40 years, that's nothing." He grips Cas's arm. "But we can... you can have anything." His eyes are bright with a hungry kind of hope. "I want... I wanna give you anything."

And Cas is clearly getting reeled in. He's staring at Dean like he wants to kiss him.

"He doesn't mean it, you know."

Cas and Dean turn towards the new voice.

"Jack?" Cas says.

"He's telling you what you want to hear, so you'll do what he wants," Jack says with a kindness tipping towards pity.

"What the hell?" Dean says.

Jack turns to him, matter of factly, "Am I wrong?"

"Of course you're fucking wrong. The hell is wrong with you?"

Jack shakes his head sadly. "What's wrong with you? You have heaven, Dean." He tilts his head and narrows his eyes. "There is something wrong with you, isn't there?" he says like he's seeing it for the first time.

Dean hardens. "Then kick me outta heaven. Go on!"

"... where's Jack?" says Cas, who hasn't stopped staring at Jack the whole time.

Jack turns to him, confused.

So Cas repeats himself, firmly but slowly, "Where is Jack?"

A horrified look comes over Dean's face.

Not-Jack smiles. "He's with me. Don't worry, he's safe." It's not reassuring.

And anyways, the upshot of the following dialogue would be that Chuck didn't win. Chuck has to live out his miserable existence on earth. But God did win. Because Chuck was just a guy that God was possessing. But the way God possesses someone, they start to lose sense of themselves, and parts of their personality start to find expression in God. Chuck was petty and squirrely. Jack will be a different kind of God. But the whole thing is unsettling and chilling.

I'm not sure how I would have things escalate, but they do. Of course Cas wants God to leave Jack alone, maybe he even offers himself as a vessel but God refuses. Idk, more stuff is said, it ends with God giving them a clear and definite threat about not screwing shit up anymore.

Then he disappears.

Dean and Cas are both striken. They talk. "What do we do?" - "What can we do?" etc. etc. I haven't thought about this part in depth, but some sort of plan is made.

Dean caps off the conversation with "We've got work to do"

They head towards the impala. Then,

"Dean?"

Dean turns towards Cas.

"Did you mean it?"

Dean doesn't answer at first.

"It's okay if you didn't," Cas says. And he's sincere. He's got bigger things to be upset about now, after all. "I'd understand."

Dean gets a hard look. He moves towards Cas, grabs him by the lapels, and pulls him close, and when they're close enough to kiss, Dean says,

"We're gonna kill god. And then I'm gonna show you how much I meant it."

End scene. And then I guess Dean and Cas just pop up in the background of the main plot here and there as they chase god through the multi-verse

[hell-drabbles]

I hope you're not bothered by this but what is Raon's relationship with the devils in Hell like in your embittered companion au? Is it the same as canon or is there some difference there? Will they make Raon worse or better or both? Because I would love the ideas of the devils despite being incredibly flawed, still have many good traits that Raon could learn from, you did say Raon would have character development at some point. The complexity in how Raon, an incel with victim entitlement and extremely bad social skills along with a good dose of attachment issues, learns to become better, not becoming perfect, but learning to stand on their own can be a very great storyline that I wish the canon delves into more.

Oh no need to worry, I'm not bothered at all. Oh, mind you, I'm typing this from my phone, so excuse the spelling and grammar errors.

Let's see, the devils are still pretty much their indulgent selves, that's for certain, and as such, they hold the same infatuation as they do in the original canon, though the difference here is that I'm treating it as that, infatuation. The devils, in the end, don't really know Ra-on, and Ra-on, with all his horrible social skills, kinda wants to keep it that way, preferring to sink into the delusion that there's just something special about him beyond his connections to Solomon. And, therefore he doesn't need to try and reach out to make it work. Because trying is scary and especially hurts when you're rejected in some big or small way.

And, well, as with all infatuation, it's going to fade. Mind you, they don't stop fucking Ra-on, they like fucking and rarely will any devil turn down a round, but ultimately they're not going to call Ra-on their lover. It'll eventually go down to just being friends. It's not really something the devils verbally say out loud, that their crush on Ra-on faded away, mostly because it really changes nothing about how they treat him and how Ra-on treats them. Since Ra-on didn't say anything about wanting anything deeper, surely this means he's not interested in anything beyond the general friends with benefits?

Because the devils aren't mind readers, and Ra-on would much rather keep everything inside himself until he dies or explodes. Never wants to act first lest he does something wrong and then it'll be all his fault. Real rejection sensitive, that guy. A mess!

So, in short, the relationship between the devils and Ra-on is unbalanced. Being fucked and treated as desirable eventually gets to his head. All the validation becomes the basis of his confidence, with the obstacle being the Embittered Companion because they see that confidence as the fragile thing it is.

Things are going to be worse before they will get better. Ra-on's been stuck in a hole for so long that he fears anything outside of it. The devils, temporarily, put themselves in that same hole Ra-on is in, but then eventually back away and go back to their normal lives, eyes clear of the infatuation they once had as they move on from Solomon. And that's going to do things to Ra-on. He's not going to handle this well, because now that he's tasted this little dose of heaven, he doesn't want to go back to living that lonely existence.

He doesn't put any effort into getting to know the devils, and now he's shocked that they're not romantically interested in him anymore. Like, buddy, sexual investment isn't the same as emotional investment. You just let the devils talk without putting anything into the conversation yourself. Of course they weren't going to crush on you forever!

And then, it's back into the hole he goes. Sinking ever deeper as he's forced to confront the fact that there's nothing truly unique about him. That just existing isn't enough to give him the special status. That, as long as he continues the way he is, all will leave him eventually, because he doesn't want to try. That, for years, he hasn't been trying to change anything.

He wasn't surviving like he convinced himself he was, he was just staying in place, doing nothing, hoping for a miracle to come and take care of his every problem, to reward him for being miserable.

Eventually, Ra-on gets a question stuck in his head while he's watching the devils around him: "Do devils hope for miracles?"

He observed the kings. Surely they'd be considered miraculous existences with the sheer amount of power they have. But no, their power is no mere miracle, it's the result of their own conviction fueled by a need to relieve others and themselves from suffering. He observes the devils serving directly under, surely it must be a miracle to be chosen and be where they are today. No. Perhaps they got their position because of circumstances, but they wouldn't have this position in their hold if not for their loyalty, loyalty that goes beyond just respecting a King's power.

No, devils do not hope for miracles. They never have. Never needed to. And who was Ra-on to pretend that they're his miracles to hold and possess? Like they're a collection for only him to have? To use like pets to feed his ego?

... The Companion has been seeing him for who he truly is, huh? Not once have they looked away from the sniveling thing he's become. Why didn't they? Why not let him rot? Because they care. They always have.

He's an idiot. It took him this long to see it. Had to take being dragged into Hell for him to see it.

Soooo, yeah. Internal change! It's gotta start from within before it transfers out, you know?

Fun stuff, fun stuff.

[ratgingi]

some margo content because i need to figure out how to draw her more . plus some misc facts abt her under cut

i cant remember if i mentioned it before or not but she tends to change jobs often, she hasn't been fired from any but instead she will pick up jobs and quit them a few months later after she grows bored with them. the places in town she's worked at include the arcade (she worked there before exie, and exie only worked with her for a few weeks as by the time she started the job margo was already getting ready to work elsewhere), the petstore (it was her first job in town, and well before outis was in the picture), the funfair (she worked at one of the game stalls), and the mcphonalds (where she and juniper met). shes also worked at a couple places outside city limits. a good chunk of the places she's worked at are still open to her to go back to as she is a decent employee who works hard at her jobs and learns fast. there are a few places shed never even consider though either because theyd take too long to be qualified for or just seem generally uninteresting to her.

the tattoo/piercing parlor she currently works at wouldnt be a place youd get to actually visit in her route but would probably be mentioned in passing a couple times

while growing up whenever she would act too 'girly' her father would pay their neighbors to teach her more 'manly' things, so as a result she knows how to do a handful of more technical things like minor car repairs/put together furniture/etc, and also went through some fighting classes and stuff. shes also good at things like repairing clothes and cooking because addy made sure to teach her stuff like that as well

she also has a number of random talents/general things she can do from hobbies she got into and since dropped, things like crochet, gardening, baking, etc etc. she isnt Fantastic at any of them really but shes decent at them. jack of many ace of none type deal

adelaide was actually the one who helped her pick her name bc when she was trying to figure out what she wanted to be called she asked her if she had any ideas and addy told her that she'd had the name margo picked out for her before she was born

she likes doing puzzles and stuff, the bigger or more complicated the better. she has a couple 3d puzzle figures hanging out in her house but they change often as she gets bored of seeing the same ones. theres a closet in her hallway that has nothing but the boxes past puzzles she's finished stay in

she has a big heart, but because of her issues with connection she refuses to let her more caring side show in the hopes it'll help others not to get too attached to her. she isnt rude or anything like that and if someone is clearly in need of some sort of shoulder to cry on she tends to soften up but otherwise youre most likely to get a distant n cold politeness, she believes that by doing so shes doing you a favor and would rather keep herself closed off than hurt you if her whole attachment issue acts up. however if she doesnt like you she just flat out wont interact with you no matter how much you try. you could be standing in front of her waving your hands in her face and she'll act like you dont exist to the point of actually walking into you and not acknowledging it if need be

during her route the player would be able to accompany her to do things like run errands around town, which is sorta the sign that youve Made It because youre allowed to just sorta exist with her without her insisting you go do something else/trying to keep away from you yknow. her way of showing affection is pretty much just i allow you to exist near me/i choose to exist near you and on the surface literally stops there so

the only person she considers herself to be genuinely close to is her mother, and even then from a distance you wouldnt even really be able to tell that theyre close from her end. addys a pretty vocally affectionate person and is also the only person margo allows to do things like hug/pat her (addy still does so sparingly and asks before hand for the sake of margos comfort <3)

when she got her first tattoo she sorta did so in an effort to make herself commit to something but has since forgotten that motivation for them and now just likes getting them because they look cool

she has really pretty handwriting because she went through a phase where she was really into calligraphy. for technical things like letters/important papers/what have you she writes in print but otherwise she likes doing it really fancy and would probably be one of those people who writes stupid shit in fancy letters on tiktok

she has a big thing about honesty, as shes pretty good at telling when people are lying even if she doesnt really know them. this is partially why trying to lie and come up with a fake answer when asking her out would result in her turning you down bc 1. doesnt really seem interesting and 2. she can tell youre not telling her the truth and decides she has better things to do

[danielleee-x]

I didn't realize it.

I have stopped hugging back truthfully. Haven't reached out to many of my friends in months. Hoping people forget to check in after texting me once without me responding. Don't go on walks anymore to see the beauty in the world. Barely speak more than 2 sentences with anyone in my family besides my mom.

My confusion kept growing though everytime she tried hugging me, or tried having me open up, because unlike the years before, I never let myself feel it anymore.

Only just now 5 minutes ago I remembered the pact I had made with myself a year or 2 ago. It was to not experience love from that day on because it'll only make it harder for me to let myself be killed. I can't give up on my family and friends if I still care about seeing them succeed. I've been preparing for my own death for a while now and I fully forgot about how deep my decision went. It has only brought me more hurt than good I reckon.. Quite embarrassing if I do say so myself.

Oh well...

Apparently I'm committed to the idea...

"You know what they say about hope.. It breeds eternal misery"

It doesn't fit in with my personality though.. Giving up that is. I told a person I had dated recently that I am sorry for how he was treated but that my illness and me as a person simply don't like cohabiting within me. I can't feel my personality 90% of the time so I understand if my signals had been mixed from the beginning. He understood he said. I don't think he did.. He always said that I'm not too sick for him to love me. He didn't understand that part either. It was never about his respect, understanding or care. It was always about my survival, which to be honest was pretty much non existent when we dated. I felt like crap all of the time.

Sometimes I actually still do wish to be sicker than I am now. It made me have smaller wishes. Less to disappoint myself with. Or let me feel better for a while, let me work on my bucket list and then have me give up.

I'm soon turning 20 but I simply still feel like a heavily traumatized 8 year old girl. No experiences. No understanding of the world, not even more than I did back then. Naive and stupid and just plain confused all of the time. Wishing that someone would decide every choice for me and letting me sit in the backseat for everything that happens.

This is starting to become a dumpster post. Rambling on about everything in my mind without a theme to follow besides death. It's not like that topic hasn't come around enough by now. I'd love to be philosophical about old friends, new friends, love and the beauty of the nature and how outside everything is balanced and happens on their own time... But my situation is simply too dire for me to act even remotely interested in the shallowness of deepness. But I'd really wish it'd interest me.

[ezziefox]

That's it. I give up.

I can't continue like this. School just started back and already, they're making sure we'll never get any free time. Before school even started back, my mother is telling me I should'nt be doing anything but studying. I shouldn't even be wearing headphones.

I can't keep battling writing stories and school. It's fucking with me mentally, constantly wanting my free time so I can work on existing projects and new ones, but I can never find the time nor can I find it within me. I spend my time at nights battling myself, trying to prepare myself for school the next day. I don't think I can keep up writing anymore, not this year at least.

It pains me to have come to this conclusion, but if the universe keeps working against me, I have no choice but to concede and give in.

I don't want to keep fighting a losing battle whilst I'm already trying to fight my mental health. I suppose it'll just be me and my imagination until further notice. I truly wish I didn't have to attend this school. They even extended all our days at school now so I'm just pissed off.

I wish I didn't have to attend this school. As a matter of fact, I wish I was in a different country, maybe attending school there instead. But I've been wishing that for four years now. Many false promises have been made, I've only looked like a circus clown keeping up this stupid hope and dream that one day "soon" everything will change. I fucking give up.

I have no means to live for myself. My situation doesn't allow it.

I was doing so well up until recently. I was writing, I was letting time go, I got back into reading without stopping. But as soon as the realization hit me, I can't continue anymore. All of it stopped. I can't write now without even worse anxiety than last time nitpicking at me. And to think I was hoping that this year would be easier on me. It hasn't even started and I already feel like shit at the bottom of the barrel.

I'll probably spend my free time sleeping as much as I can, and just getting some quick form of entertainment in, just so I can feel like the hours are passing by slowly.

I don't wanna hear it doesn't get any easier. At this point I can't care.

It's to the point where I wish mpox would invade my country so we can go back online again. Maybe then I'd be able to multitask and not be punished for it. I'm walking around on eggshells every fucking day and I'm sick and tired of it. So I just decided to give up.

Losing battles are not worth fighting for.

I don't know where this will take me. And it pains me. But I just can't stress anymore. I have no choice. I never had a choice. I don't have the freedom to plan my own schedule. I don't even have the freedom to switch classes if I'm not learning from a certain teacher. I have no freedom to lighten my load. I have no desire for anything anymore. This time it seems my free paper has truly burnt.

It's been fun. But it just seems like the universe has never been on my side in the first place.

I've tried everything. Even "manifesting": listening to subliminals, journaling, affirming. Even "praying to God" who I don't even believe in anymore. I've tried depending on myself, but not even that I can do. I've tried keeping up hope; that my better days will come soon (and by soon, I mean actually soon, not a millennia from now) and I don't even know it. But no. Things only ever got worse, and I'm still thankful for my summer days and Christmas breaks, but even those were filled with turmoil because of family. Hell, I even dislocated my shoulder last summer (not this summer just passed) and ended up in the hospital. I had to go back to school that time in a sling, and find a way to write when it was my right arm that was bound to my body.

Everybody only ever wants me to focus on school and nothing else. Fun is not allowed. Rest is not allowed. Breaks are not allowed. No matter how small of a time they are.

At this point I don't care about school. I've tried my hardest before and it's never worked. I don't plan on making this year any different. When everyone keeps telling you and reminding you of what you should do and what is expected of you, at some point you just give up care for it. It gets tiring. Fucking exhausting. I'm tired of hearing the same things over and over and over again and again and again.

I don't know what method I'm going to use to keep my sanity this time. Last year and the years before that, it was writing. But I'd rather not spend my free time in bliss just to be hit with reality the next second. That shit really blows you mentally. I'd rather wallow in my depression, and watch generic stuff, than get happy again. Because every time I smile, I know, I just know, that something bad is coming.

So I'm gonna try to put down the pen for a while. I don't know what I'll do with me and my life.

And please, for the love of god, do not compare my trauma to others. Everybody deals with shit in their own way and I've heard enough of it. I'm fucking sick and tired of it.

I hate to tell it to myself, but nothing is coming. And don't tell me that it is, I've had enough false promises. Nothing is coming. I dream of better days; they don't exist. Not in my near future, possibly not even in the far future. Stop telling yourself it exists. It doesn't. You've been let down before, stop letting yourself down again. This is your fault. Your fault for believing. Your fault for trying when you knew what the outcome would be. So just deal with it. Nothing will ever change. Not for now. And definitely not the way how you want it. So just quit. Forget it. Relax while you can. Forget while you can. Things will never get better.

Either way... It was fun knowing you guys. You brought me a lot of positivity. But unfortunately, we don't always win. So... Bye, I guess..

I just needed to write this to get it off my shoulders. I'll try to survive. I know I will, even if it's in agony. I don't want to harm or k--- myself. It's just that sometimes I just wish I didn't exist.

I'll keep dreaming of a better life, I suppose. At least dreams can't be disturbed. But that day isn't soon. Even now I wish...

Until then…

[memoirmemories]

memoirs ; 3

ksshhh...

bzzzt

sigh

uhh, that went smoother than before. didn't even need to give it the good ol' slam.

she clears her throat

um, it's 00:57. couldn't sleep... thoughts of possibly being the last person alive are haunting me. but i'm not giving up on these transmissions. green lights usually mean good, right? i'm clinging to that hope.

if anyone's out there listening, i just want to make it clear that i'm real, i exist. i don't want you to doubt that. so, i took a selfie to prove it. but first, let me properly introduce myself, something i skipped earlier.

i'm Mina, 23, a college dropout and former editor for a publishing house. did a lot of translation work. it was an alright job, paid the bills. the rest of my life isn't as interesting, but that's a story for another time.

now that you know a bit about me, i guess it's time to show you what i look like. getting a clear selfie with all this interference wasn't easy, but here i am...

definitely not the picture of health, huh? two years of scraping by on scraps and fighting for sleep will do that to you. but, this should at least prove to you that i'm real and somewhere... out.. here.

a long, weary sigh is heard

about those sirens i mentioned... i find odd comfort in them now. i didn't explain much before. i'll try to capture the sound from outside sometime, doubt this thing can pick it up indoors. when i first arrived, this haunting siren was blaring. it hasn't stopped since. it felt louder initially, but maybe i've just grown used to it. i sleep near a wall, and it's louder there. as i said, it's become a sort of lullaby for me. it's reminiscent of a nuclear or apocalyptic siren that just... never stopped. as if someone forgot to hit the off switch. it's a mystery how it's still operational. sometimes i forget it's even there.

i um, promised to share a bit of my music, didn't i? well, here's one of the songs. the quality might not be top-notch – i'm not sure how good this microphone is – but it's what i can offer.

i don't actually know the name of the song, but it's become a favorite of mine. it's like a storm that's calm but also wild at the same time. sort of like what I'm going through here – some quiet moments, then suddenly it's all crazy again. the song kind of matches the ups and downs i deal with every day, but in a weird way, it's also comforting.

i'll share the other two songs another time. think of it like a puzzle – you've got to wait a bit for the other pieces to be revealed, heh.

my eyes are burning... i don't know why i keep rambling on like this. it's been probably over a year since i last really talked to myself, aside from the occasional murmur or reminding myself what to do next. but talking like this, actually expressing my thoughts and feelings, not just to the empty air but hopefully to someone out there... this is the first time.

and it feels freeing, you know? like i'm finally letting out all these pent-up thoughts and emotions. the only thing missing is someone responding back. but i think, maybe, it'll be okay even without that.

a sniffle is heard

i'm gonna try and actually get some sleep now. this headache's just getting worse, and that one cup of water didn't do much. might spend tomorrow just boiling water, make enough to last a day or two. not much else to do, and i've got enough food for the next few days. the generator's still half full, too. Mina, out, i guess?

she scoffs lightly, then the transmission clicks off

[kellykadesperate]

hey!! the 911 anon back here :D

oof oof oof, your thoughts give me so many new thoughts again AAAA i love it but by GOD i hope i can keep this a reasonable length this time (i type this before anything else so it'll be a surprise for both of us how this will end <3 lmao)

(<3333 i lied again. well, i did say "by god" while i'm atheist so ig maybe this was doomed from the start <3333)

I feel like everyone piqued in terms of their characterisations about 3 seasons ago. this. never has anyone said anything that is truer. the tea is piping hot that i burn my mouth but i'll still drink it because it's so delicious. i do not want to disregard how they did continue to develop slightly in later seasons but most of that is just not really graspable to me except for them being happier/more stable. which is great! but that development was neither invested in something that feels productive nor does it actually drive new, exciting plotlines that would actually get us to a place that is different from the one we've been stuck in for the past few seasons. as you said, it simply does not make good TV because people will eventually notice that 911 is just giving us... nothing at this point. nothing that the show hasn't already told us, at least. yes, it's got silliness and some action and whump but there is no goal to it all. not for the characters nor for the show. you can tell your audience that "family is important", yes, but it's simply redundant to do that season after season after season. we get it, message received. with the tight found-family corset is still on, these characters have nowhere to go, and they already achieved everything that there is to achieve: they love their job, they got family/meaningful relationships, they got romantic love, they have already reached a good/hopeful point with formerly estranged family members, and all of them have addressed or worked through/are still working on their big past trauma. which is nice!! but like, that's usually the point where you end the show. i mean, in all honesty, what did 911 set up in earlier seasons that has not been solved or addressed yet? as i said in my other message, the characters do not even have any life goals outside of staying in the same job they've had since their introductions and having family, two goals that they all can check off on their to-do lists. that's literally it. with nothing else to focus on. all that is left is the inevitable repetition of the same motifs and new pointless drama that just exists for the sake of milking this show until it stops making money.

The show tends to tease with changes but never fully commits to them … It feels like the writers are scared of rocking the boat and changing up dynamics but I think that's exactly what the show would benefit from. eeeexactly. i liked the idea of eddie going a different path, i liked the idea of hen being a doctor! it would have been so cool to see the family spread out into different directions, all of them showing us different perspectives and things that are necessary to save people's lives, all while still supporting one another! it would have opened everybody up to more changes (career, social life, hobbies etc) if only the show weren't too scared to actually go there. i know changes like that can make or break a show, but i think 911 has reached that point a long time ago. i am sure they can pull off a few more seasons of stagnation, but that won't keep things exciting and interesting to the audience in the long run. even the whump, which is one reason why people typically like such shows, has zero risk to it. yes, there is the possibility of some consequences, we have seen that, but ultimately, all of those were short-lived with no bigger impact on the future. chim's rebar, buck's crushed leg and blood clots, eddie getting shot? the recovery and struggles post-accident are almost nonexistent on screen and there are never any real physical repercussions for any of them (limping, chronic pain, less mobility, not even visible scars, etc). buck's tsunami experience? no bigger consequences for his (work) life. hen's car accident? no bigger consequences for her (work) life. death by lighting strike and so many other things? insert shrug emoji here. part of the reason why whump/action is so good is because of the chance that maybe somebody's life will be actually irrevocably changed forever. no take-backs, no miraculous recovery, but real tangible consequences that affect the character's entire life. the lack of that makes the main characters feel untouchable, so why should i care if somebody gets impaled or hit by a car or thrown out of a plane for the billionth time when i already know that the show won't go through with it anyway?

re romantic relationships, yes yes yes. it's so redundant lol. i acknowledge that dating different partners makes you realize what you actually want irl, but it's just boring on TV when the love interests are (mostly) never set up to be multifaceted and impactful for the narrative. if they dated characters that would remain as part of the reoccurring ensemble, it might be different, what with buck and eddie actually being held accountable for once and having to address their mistakes and contributions to the failed relationships. the rinse-and-repeat method, however, same as with the whump, just feels like it's stuck in the same old loop again where they will return to square one anyway, so why even get excited for them finding a new partner? esp because those partners are often written so half-heartedly, and the breakups' aftermaths are often disregarded quickly. perhaps buck and eddie are meant to represent a younger demographic who is dating and not at the point in life that bathena, madney, and henren represent – fair enough! but then AT LEAST give them friends and hobbies outside of the firefam and stop condemning the experience of being single, i fucking beg.

this is the issue with this family unit. You're at work. It's work. if i would drink a shot every time i think that while watching the show LMAOOO. yes!! like when i turn off my brain, i get what the show is trying to do with that, but i'm not a 14yo. i'm an adult, and i just cannot pretend like the work ethic and the work relationships the show represents don't squick me tf out. in the earlier seasons, i really liked this topic because a lot of it was driven by buck, who was only clinging sm to his "work family" because of his abandonment issues, his childhood, and the fact that he virtually had no other family left. it made sense, why he was so emotionally attached to his job and colleagues! then they proceeded to write, what i personally consider, a found family story that just makes things worse the more they try to force that trope upon the characters. quick tangent here, but i actually thought that, after buck asked the others if they will lose touch when they do not work together anymore, the show would gradually make some of them leave to pursue other careers so that the show could eventually say "see! they do not work together anymore but they love each other sm that they will stay in each other's lives forever!!". all of them learning that no matter where they are or what they do, they have people in their corner? i wanted that. especially because when thinking about it realistically, this team as it is rn cannot exist like this forever. someday someone is either gonna retire or get hurt badly that their career will end/change. going with that route would have also allowed the characters to (a) have normal work relationships with their colleagues again and (b) show each other that their love and closeness is truly unconditional. and more importantly, it would have given the show a clear end goal: as soon as every single one of them realizes that they will always be family to each other, the show would have reached its natural end. btw i understand people who'd rather see them work together forever! however, it's one thing to enjoy your own headcanon of their future, and it's a totally different thing to actually get that reality played out on screen for the next 10 years. monotony being the killer of joy, and all that.

It makes it almost silly to love any side character more than the firefam characters. 100000% agreed djdjdjdjd. tbf to us, the show treats its side characters very carelessly, so i don't think we're being mean by simply taking cues from the show! i cannot bring myself to care about Stranger Number 34291 who will not matter in about two minutes, sorry. & the montages omg... like, it's too kitschy. sometimes i just have to skip parts or avert my eyes because i cringe too much i'm so sorry dskjdsjflks;; i am sure some people enjoy those but not me.

re buck's progress and role in the narrative: i completely agree with you there. buck being captain someday is genuinely just me having a pipe dream. my emotional support pipe dream of a future that we'll never see on screen <3 which, i think, is probably for the best tbh. they could not pull this off in a satisfying way imo, especially with what you pointed out, re buck being stuck in his narrative role. he matured in some ways, just like the other characters, but 911 just needs new drama every episode and seasons, and that has some grave downsides. the biggest downside being that the characters inevitably accumulate tons of bad decisions, weird OOC moments, and points of regression/story inconsistency for the sake of keeping the drama alive until i simply do not even like them anymore. my enjoyment and love for characters does not completely recover after such moments unless the "redemption" is written incredibly well, which is never is with 911 djdjdjdj. hen cheating, chim punching, buck cheating, and other stuff where i'm just... urgh. they take away my enjoyment piece by piece, unfortunately, so i know to watch out for the signs so i can jump off the 911 wagon before my faves become completely unrecognizable to me.

i did stop watching 911 LS after season 2, i think? i was too busy back then to keep up with shows, and now i feel like i've forgotten sm about what was going on in it lmaooo. how do you like it? would you say it does some things better than the og 911?

hey! so many thoughts lol, putting it under the cut again!!

you can tell your audience that "family is important", yes, but it's simply redundant to do that season after season after season. we get it, message received: LMAO Yes! it's giving me fast and furious vibes of we're a family! Family is everything and yet ... they are all pretty set in their OWN families. Like that connection they have/feel isn't actually going above and beyond their own family so it makes it seem a little silly to keep going on about.

Your point about them all achieving everything they wanted to achieve is also obviously 100% true. It made me think of Chimney's brother and how I laughed my head off when randomly we saw him training as a firefighter at the end of one of the seasons without any indication that he's interested in becoming one. I literally died. But I really liked how this season, he was like meh it's not for me! What was :/ was Chimney's reaction of like come onnnnnnnn stick it out, this is the best job ever. I'd have loved to see that explored a little more next season. And also Ravi! They keep introducing loads of new mini characters but it's so clear that they're secondary, not as important, and ultimately used through the main characters. Chimney going back to the academy was such an interesting idea but it was like Oh there's Ravi again, oh he had a scene about a traumatic thing that happened, he doesn't feel adequate ... HEY BACK HE COMES!!! Like everything appears heightened but ultimately is so so low stakes and so easily solvable.

the lack of that makes the main characters feel untouchable, so why should i care if somebody gets impaled or hit by a car or thrown out of a plane for the billionth time when i already know that the show won't go through with it anyway?: YES this this this. I feel like the show would genuinely benefit from a shock death or something that would change everything completely. I really expected Bobby to be in mortal danger, become paralysed and was like oooo they've been foreshadowing who would take over from him for the whole season! Then it just didn't happen. Bobby leaving the firefam and having him take more of a Athena's husband, AA meetings role would feel like the show is somewhat changing at least. It would throw the whole firefam off completely. Idk I just feel like sometimes the very slightest change is seen as devastating to the group lmao. Like when Chimney was away looking for Maddie or when Eddie was gone, the response from the crew spoke straight from the writers idea of like: it's all or them or none of them. Even the additions on the team seem ... calculating? They're quite one dimensional, or basically outside of the crew or just straight up harmful to the crew. Lucy kisses/pursues Buck and Buck cheats on his gf and then she just ... goes? Ravi only talks about property lmao and then there was the serial killer paramedic. They don't want characters to be as charming/charismatic/interesting as the main ones. But you're right, the whole idea is that they've all get skin in the game, they could all die at any minute on the job, I should feel scared for them but I am not whatsoever because I'm 99.9 per cent sure they'll be all good in 20 mins.

stop condemning the experience of being single, i fucking beg: It's definitely like a choice. If they are meant to be the young ones who don't have it all together, pls make their relationship trials and tribulations funny at least? Don't make it heavy. Don't make Buck randomly cheat or Eddie seemingly stay in a relationship for his son. It makes both characters really unlikable and I know there's a bigger narrative at play in both characters but that's not explored enough or when it is, it's done really 'My Life Is A Mess' like and it's like THEN DON'T DATE PEOPLE. BE SINGLE. GIVE THEM FRIENDS.

going with that route would have also allowed the characters to (a) have normal work relationships with their colleagues again: LOOL and also they don't actually show loads of them like hanging out outside of work. And like I've said before, they all have strong family ties outside work so the idea that they are like a family that cannot be broken up, need each other more than anything just doesn't work and hasn't work. Side note: I watch 911 ls too and this trope works WAY better considering a) We actually saw the team become assembled in the first episode and b) They came from all over America/left their families so YEAH they were each other's only families in Texas. But with 911 it started with the fam already in existence and their families already ... there. So yeah it's just a weird, Disney sort of trope they clearly want to run with.

Re 911 ls: It's a totally different feel. It's worse in some ways because the narrative is heavily about Owen being the captain but I personally enjoy the actual characters more. The show is better imo at building that dynamic between the crew and make genuine effort to show that they are more really good/close friends that enjoy each other's company rather than A Family because they are in the same crew. Like the have 'hang outs' at people's houses/game nights and we see that. They also have nice sub friendships within the crew too. I like how they have the paramedics and the firefighters separately too. The budget is clearly higher on 911 by the way! Clearly lol. I like the relationships they clearly care about. It shows. Same with 911. 911ls I would say does the opposite of 911 in terms of story telling lol, they are bold with their decisions, they've split the crew up/destroyed the firehouse/killed off multiple high profile side characters - and all of that has genuinely let the show move forward. It's made things actually feel like choices genuinely matter. They did a really good job of showing that when TK became a paramedic. It was a change. But it worked. Idk I just admire the balls of the writers, although the writing can be bad and they tend to dedicate less time to aftermath, to actually make big decisions. It genuinely makes me think oh no something big/something that's going to change this dynamic is going to happen. Even with the season that's just gone on: I won't spoil it! But they've had characters go 'find themselves' in meaningful ways, explored characters in interesting ways so yeah it can be done and they do that well.

[bigwishes]

Love your blog! The idea of helping guys with their wishes to be big sexy hunks! Do you need any help? Haha hos that for a wish! I would like to be a sexy genie able to help you grant these wishes. Looking forward to a beautiful friendship.

Hey bro, a genie really? I don't think you know what that entails. but a wish is a wish, so let me grant your heart's desire! You feel your body change, muscle expands outwards from you skinny frame as you grow larger and larger. Your height increases to an inhuman 10ft as you bump your head on the roof your growth begins to slow and stop. You aren't bodybuilder sized more like a giant sexy frat boy, Your skin darkens a few shades as your hair curls. Your face and chest itch as thick black hair climbs all over your body. You scratch it giving a moan, it feels incredible to have your itchy chest hair scratched on top of your massive pecs. The thought of cursing a guy who asks for true love to just be your personal chest scratcher crosses your mind and in that moment your body is flooded with cosmic power, the ability to reshape reality and break the laws of nature at your finger tips, that's why your body was made so much bigger than a mortal man's, it need to be built to contain this kind of power.

"now its time to take this power for a spin" you think

But not so fast buddy, you see I'm a recently freed genie, I spent a lot of time being traded from master to master, more years than your family tree has probably existed and I don't think its very fair for you just to get all this power free of charge, so I made you a very special pair of shorts. These brilliantly blue shorts will be your chains. You can try your hardest to take them off but they'll never come off, how silly of me I didn't think about your dick. At least when I was sitting waiting to be found for gaps of 100 years or so I had the pleasure of well...pleasure, but you my friend, well I hope the next guy that meets you frees you because otherwise it may be a few thousand years before you touch your manhood again.

But what is done is done, no point freaking out about not touching yourself, don't worry it'll still get hard you just wont be able to relieve it. Now to find you a "bottle" mine was a traditional lamp but it can really be anything really, and I think I have the perfect idea... how about a bodybuilding trophy? you said you want to help men become absolute hunks and reach their dream bodies well you got it man, lets limit that cosmic power to only being able to grant wishes around fitness and the body, this curse will break if you get freed don't worry, then you'll be free to use all the power of reality.

That's it mate, your new crib, but now where can I leave you. Well as a guy who wished to grant wishes for guys who want their dream body, and now as a genie who is bound to only grant wishes surrounding bodybuilding, fitness and the male body I think there is only one place to go. That's right, a gym!

Damn, this place looks pretty run down and that trophy case looks like it hasn't been opened in years, whelp genie 'bottles' are often found in forgotten spaces so I think I'll leave you there for now. Enjoy your time in your bottle, I'm sure someone will find you eventually and put you to work.

oh shit, if I cursed you to only grant wishes around those few things, it looks like no guy could wish you free by yourself. fuck bro, my bad, maybe you'll get lucky and get a really nice master with a second genie he'll use to free you, but for now, lets put you behind a larger trophy, don't want you found in 2 seconds now, do we?

[the-trashiest-of-the-trash]

I've always wondered what if Sergio got caught after the ending somewhere down the line, this probably seem more for stories than headcanon but I just can't stop thinking about it (O_O)

What if Sergio gets caught? (Part One)

To be honest Anon, I've thought of it too! I considered this idea and even had an idea for a fic! Lots of angst/comfort. Navigating relationships with characters like Val when there's a huge secret looming over the two of you. It's been on the back burner, but if there's any interest I'll start working on it more!

But anyway, I had to write something, so here you go! A short little snippet was all I had time for right now. It hasn't been proofread, and I'll probably edit it again at some point. But I hope you enjoy anyway!

_____

Pairing: Sergio x GN!Reader (They/them)

Trigger Warnings: Some cussing

Summary: After a couple of years, you thought that you had left your Abuela's case behind you. But, your fairytale life with your husband came crashing down quite suddenly, on a regular Saturday evening.

Masterlist | Part two

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Your day started normally. With Sergio up obscenely early, even on a Saturday for crying out loud, greeting you with a smile when you finally decide to wake up.

You had nothing planned for the day. You took a walk around town, had lunch at a restaurant, met up with Chava and laughed as he and your husband bickered. Then you checked up on the horses, Sergio chatting with them as if they were human.

When you arrived home, Sergio had insisted on cooking dinner. You sat on the counter and kept him company. He chided you for distracting him when he let the water boil over. It was regular things that occurred in your everyday life. And you never thought about it ending anytime soon.

Just as the two of you were debating over what movie to watch - with Sergio insisting it didn't matter because he had other plans, but you were fixed on watching a movie - there was a knock at the door.

"It's probably Aurora coming to scold you for teaching Lucia that math cheat sheet." You said as Sergio stood up to answer it.

"I hope not. She is terrifying when she's angry." He replied. You scrolled through some more movie options, waiting for your husband to get the ass kicking of the year.

It never came, the only thing was Chief Perez talking to him as another officer pulled out a pair of handcuffs. You had hardly processed what was happening when you stood up, quickly approaching them.

What the hell was happening? You thought you had left it all behind you. You forgave him. You hid the evidence. There was no way it was happening. "Chief, what's going on?"

"Your husband is being arrested for the murder of your grandmother." He said, and gave you no further explanation. Not what evidence they had against him, nothing.

If Sergio was shocked, he did a better job than you at hiding it. His jaw was set tight, and he said nothing as his wrists were handcuffed behind him, and he was already being hauled out the door.

"Wait! Can't I talk to him first?" You pleaded. You weren't sure if begging at the Chief's feet was going to do anything, but hell, you were willing. If you had a chance at talking with him, you would be damned if you let the chance slip between your fingers.

"You'll have your chance once we're done with him." Chief Perez said, never meeting your eyes when he spoke. He acted as if you were below him, and it pissed you off to no end.

"What the hell do you even have on him?" You asked. The only evidence that you knew of was the footage you had, but that was the only copy that existed. "I swear if you're just bullshitting-"

"Hey," Sergio said, standing beside you, hushing you from tearing into the Chief any further. "It'll be okay."

His assurance did nothing to calm you until you looked at him. Though his smile seemed strained, the look in his eye told you everything. He was giving up.

"Please don't cry, cariño." He said gently. You hardly noticed you were crying, and you wiped your eyes. "We'll be fine, I promise."

"I hope we don't find anything against your partner either." The Chief said.

"They didn't know a thing." Sergio was quick to interject before you could even speak up. He was always so quick to protect you, and you wondered when you would be able to do the same for him.

He looked back at you, gave you a quick kiss. "I'll see you soon." You weren't sure if that was possible, but you chose to believe him anyway.

And just like that, he was brought out of your home, escorted into the backseat of a police car. The Chief hardly spared a glance at you when he walked out the door. "I hope you know," He said, "He's going away for a very long time." And then he left.

[beautifulterriblequeen]

The Thief and the Tinker, Part 4: Circles and Cycles

part 3

Part 4

Viren: *smirks and plinks Runaan's coin to Ethari*

Ethari, furious: You throw another Moonshadow at me and I'm gonna lose it.

Circles and Cycles

Angst rating: 8/10

Back to Ethari, because we're not done with him yet. Ethari is soft, but he isn't weak. He won't be a willing pawn for Viren. He loves Runaan to the point of invention, and his devotion is more constant than the moon itself. He'll agree to do what Viren says, and he'll be Very Sad. But his spirit is in no way broken. Viren bribing him with the coins containing his family will only have the opposite effect. It'll give Ethari something to fight for.

We could get Focused Chaos Ethari. We could get Angery Trickster Ethari. We could get Rules, What Rules? Ethari. Let him try to steal the coins, try to break them, try to kill Viren, and be stymied at every turn, until he settles and seems cowed. And then all he does is craft his way out of the problem.

What if we are gifted with Iron Man Elf Ethari, who pretends to build a fake Key for Viren, but meanwhile he's really building a coinbuster with whatever he can get his hands on - primal stones, magically imbued gemstones, stolen artifacts, his own arcanum, his own reputation as the Master Craftsman of the Silvergrove. He'll use almost - almost - anything, to stop Viren and free his family.

Ethari may have to choose between those two things, though. And he's a hero, deep down, just like his family, just like his daughter. If he has to choose, he'll choose to stop Viren and save Xadia. He'll pay the same price as his family has if he must.

He'd let Viren think he was motivated purely by wanting his family back, but Ethari is far too steeped in the illusion and sacrifice for that to be all there is to his motives. It's a so-close-and-yet-so-far thing, how he and Viren almost embody the same ideals. Almost. Ethari would take one look at Viren, who just burnt down his whole Forest, he'd see the biggest threat in Xadia, and he'd say anything to get a chance to stop this juggernaut of destruction from getting his hands on whatever that ultimate power really is, locked behind that missing key. If he has to abandon his people and bawl his eyes out to convince Viren he's in, then he will.

And Viren wouldn't make it easy for him. He knows clever when he sees it. He went through all this trouble to persuade Ethari to work with him. He would need to keep Ethari as off-balance as possible to ensure that he keeps working as he should.

Angsty jewelry, anyone?

Viren giving Ethari his husband in pendant form to remind him what he's working for, when Viren and Ethari both know full well that only dark magic can open the hellcoins. Ethari wearing another pendant of his love, except it's not a metaphor this time. It's literally his love, in a coin around his neck.

Viren would love making Ethari stay close to him of his own free will if he ever hoped to free Runaan. Making people bind themselves to you is a big power flex. Remember that TDP stream future-season teaser note about Bait being in a creepy restraint in a future season?

This card is written on in all-caps, so that really could be "Bait" or "bait," or--knowing this show--both. Viren's been using Runaan as bait for Ethari all along. Putting his coin in a dark magic pendant casing for Ethari to wear would be a great parallel for that. Oh god. Oh man.

Maybe he'll stab the coin's scary casing right through that circle on Ethari's chest, right over his heart, make that Iron Man reference really obvious. Ethari also losing his shirt at some point, for angsty Viren-related reasons? It's more likely than you think. I mean... Ethari is literally involved in both forms of forging at this point. Shirt's gotta come off for uhhhh work reasons. And because he's hot. Because of all the forging. Mmhmm. I mean how else are we finally going to discover what his markings look like this is research I swear

I mentioned that I liked god-tier villains, right? Yeah, this is amazing. I haven't wanted to die and ascend over an idea for quite a while, but Ethari vs Viren in a drawn-out battle of wills would kill me in the best way. Especially since, while it looks like they're essentially fighting for who gets Runaan, they're truly fighting a much larger battle with much higher stakes. They're fighting for the future itself. It's an epic struggle between the Narrative of Strength and the Narrative of Love. And we've seen what happens, over and over, when the Narrative of Strength gets to call the shots.

On a meta note: If Ruthari's story arc isn't a love letter from one trauma survivor to another, and on a broader scope to all survivors who see it, I don't know what is. Sometimes life just chews us up and spits us out and we can't stop it and it breaks us. But sometimes we can reach out and grasp the chance to help each other, even after that, even when it hurts a lot, because we know what it means to be loved, and to love, and to want a safer future for each other and for people we'll never meet. The future is worth standing together for, helping each other back up for, fighting side by side for, even if you can't see how it'll end, or even how to begin. We are stronger together, and sometimes we need to fight for our "together" before we can fight for anything else. And that's worth it, every time.

This is glorious, it's beautiful, it's tragic, it's amazing, it makes me want to dance, it makes me want to scream into the void, it makes me want to slap someone with a semi truck. No, someone specific, don't worry, and he super deserves it.

Because Ethari is going to win. He was always going to win. He's soft, and he's clever, and he hasn't forgotten what love means. It's what he's fighting for. Not power, not control. Love. He doesn't want to dictate Runaan's future or anyone else's. He just wants his husband--and everyone else--to have one at all.

So he's going to win.

What thwarting Viren looks like, I couldn't possibly guess. TDP is no stranger to angst, so there will probably be a high cost involved in outwitting the dark mage. Maybe not everyone can be rescued from the coins. Maybe Ethari will lose his life, or his soul, or his vision, or something else really angsty. Viren could even kill him and resurrect him as a smoky craftsman, or a zombie craftsman, or something equally biddable but horrible. The only thing I'm sure of is that Ethari would never willingly make a working Key of Aaravos Ethari as long as there's a chance Viren could possess it. But I do believe that if he gets the right opportunity while he's busy saving the world from Viren's dark intentions, he'll break his husband's hellcoin open somehow and set him free, even if he has to smile at the devil to do it.

Ethari understands the difference between "you can" and "therefore you should." He might sacrifice his own world to save his husband, but he'd never sacrifice someone else's world. That's one of the Moonshadow cultural limits I've noticed: they accept boundaries when it comes to other people's autonomous rights, especially regarding life and death.

These limits could get pushed. Ethari will be under great duress and emotional strain if he goes through this kind of interaction with Viren. And maybe he will choose some dark things. Everyone else has. But I'm placing all my eggs in the basket labeled "Saved By Love." Either I'm right, or I'll get the best angst omelets in the universe. And I do love omelets. A villain invented them, you know. ;)

Another support for Ethari not making the key for Viren: the real Key exists!

Callum has it right now. The plot doesn't need Ethari's key (yet? ever?), but it does need Ethari to learn what he's made of, to stand up for something, or against something, or both at once. And once he learns what he will and won't do and the universe has rewarded his discovery with the return of his beloved husband then Ethari will be ready to take on whatever else the plot has in mind for him.

Depending on the plan, all of these events could happen in S4, as a setup for even bigger things to follow. Viren's wishes can be thwarted here and the show's overall tension will only continue to rise. It would let Ethari flex yes pls his skills so we know who he is, it would show how driven Viren can be for a long-term goal, it would let Claudia saunter further downwards, it would reveal some human/Moonshadow history, and it would resolve the seasons-long tension regarding Runaan's fate, allowing for the cycle of speculation, feels, angst, and Ruthari fanart to begin again. ;) Viren would need to find another way to pursue his long-term goal. And Callum's Key will get a little more clarity on just how important it is to the fate of the world - which will make everything he does, and everyone he talks to, and anyone who knows what he's carrying, intensely important.

Nyx is gonna steal it isn't she, omg chaos birb

To Viren, Ethari was a main course, meant to be devoured and consumed in his lifelong quest for something that will finally satisfy. But to Ethari, Viren was just empty calories to be passed over in favor of ordering his perennial favorite dish, one more time.

Once Ethari escapes Viren's clutches with as much of his family as he can rescue, Viren may turn back to looking for the real Key, especially if someone's seen it recently. Hunting a kid probably seems easier than hunting a full-grown Moonshadow craftsman who just outsmarted him. okay so maybe Nyx stealing it would be a good thing and save Callum's life

Ethari could go on to help repair the Sunforge, or rebuild the Moonhenge, or work on constructing Moonshadow villages in Katolis if he hasn't been ghosted for abandoning everyone after the forest fire. He might build magical devices for any number of reasons, to help all kinds of characters. Hopefully, wherever he goes, he'll have Runaan with him, in some way, for at least a little while. Cycles be like, and I feel like Runaan will not want to remain still for long, for whatever reason. Does he need revenge, atonement, justice, a new body, to find Rayla, to find Ezran? He'll be back in action as soon as he can, I think.

Okay, but, I'm so soft at the thought of a scene where Runaan and Ethari come before King Ezran. The husbands tried to save their people Runaan's way, the old way, and it only continued to endanger them. Following the cycle, as Moonshadows do, was the wrong move. But the son of the last human Runaan killed reached out with mercy and broke a thousand years of suffering and sorrow and hatred. Ezran did what Runaan couldn't: he saved the Moonshadow elves from total destruction. And that, more than anything else in the world, could soften one very broody assassin's heart toward humans again.

What would Runaan do, if his heart truly changed toward humans? What would he say to Ezran? I could see him struggling for a long moment before dropping to one knee to pledge his heart as he once had to do before the Dragon Throne. He doesn't know any other way but to serve. Ezran, reading the whole room and everyone's feelings before he tells Runaan that No, we don't do that here. That he's free, and free means free. No chains, no oaths. Just trust and friendship. He should get to make his own decisions for a change, even though that can be hard and scary sometimes. Runaan being genuinely scared, because that's too much freedom. But he's not alone. He has Ethari, and Ezran, and Rayla, and Callum, and their people, and their allies. And no matter what else happens, the people of Katolis - elven and human - will find a way forward. Together.

part 5

[syubub]

2021 Reading for BTS and the collective!!

Wow wow wow! I didn't disappear or get dragged away by a demon. No no, I just got thrust into unexpected shadow work and I now have an unhealthy obsession with sea shanties and a love of pasta.

I had this idea planned to be early in January but that didn't pan out so I'm doing it now. I have another yoongi reading in the works and another fun thing coming soon as well!!

I promise I won't bore you to death any longer but I hope you've all been doing well!!

Disclaimer: This is for entertainment purposes only and not to be taken as fact.

If this message doesn't apply, let it fly!

Cool cool cool.

Let's get it.

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Oki. I first want to say that this I gonna be long lol. I did a meditation and gathered some little pieces of things y'all might need to hear and then I pulled cards for every month. The fountain tarot deck is the cards for us, the collective, and the rider-waite cards are for bts. It'll make more sense when I add picks and stuff. I did a little extra card pull for yoongi for the month of May too :) I'll make sure to type out all the cards in text so you know what they are (the pics are kinda wack.) I also used my pendulum to ask if there was a bts related event for every month and that's at the bottom. It's just to take in the possible energy for the month and something that could result from that energy!

LETTUCE BEGIN (hehe)

Starting with the section for the channeled messages. I want to reiterate that this was collective so if it doesn't resonate with you, the message might not be for you! Use your intuition.

(Enough talking. Damn)

So. As I said this was through meditation and connecting to the big column tree thing (I told my cousin about the tree/pillar and they were like,, "so basically a big energy dildo in the æther?" .... I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. h e l p m e) and asking if there was any messages or advice that needed to be delivered and it was... intresting?

Things came fragmented. So there was little messages like, "Its gonna be okay" and "things are changing for everyone" and "open your eyes if you want to see" (that's sassy.) There was one particular thing that was confusing me though. Straight up it was just "flower" on repeat and like a really bad picture of a flower? Like you could tell what it was but it was bad quality. Anyway, I was like "okay. Kindly shut the fuck up. Pls." And I wrote down flower, pink flower and rose. Sooo.... idk but there you go.

More messages were things like, "the block isn't in your head", "try calling forth that which you seek" and... February. Possibly there is specific (very very very loose) connection to the 10th-19th? I'm not to sure what or why but I'd say maybe look out for opportunities on these days and also maybe external events.

Continuing with dates. In the last this 21 and January 21 came up. It came up again but with 2 messages. So first, either 21st is a day where something is put into motion (possibly private or public) or announced and the second was "add them together dumbass" that's not very kind but 3. Again this has been discussed too but but but... maybe a signal of a third mixtape 👀 (not necessarily on the 21st per say but possibly in March? I'm really not sure).

Oki. I got side tracked like I always do and started thinking about tattoos and stuff and I really want koo to have a peony tattoo. I feel it in my BONES. It would suit him so well. and as I was thinking about tattoos I heard, "don't be surprised if yoongi gets/shows a tattoo this year" ??? What the fuck? I think maybe they messing with me but now I have hopes and I don't want them to be crushed and thrown to the wind :(

Back to normal stuff, "the theme is growth" I think that fits very well with the reading. "Blue might be a lucky color" self explanatory. It might be lucky. "Start practicing grounding and centering" this was LOUD. This will help you in how you react to events in the future. Really do practice this if you haven't.

This is where it gets a little weird. So, I got a message that said "start living as if you never existed." I am not a 100% sure what this means but I think I have a pretty good guess. I hate to make it sound weird like this but by sort of focusing on something that is so hard to comprehend (because our brains can't comprehend not existing very well) you kinda break the 4th wall? Like in Deadpool when he addresses the audience and is aware that he is a character played by Ryan Reynolds? anyway, focusing on something that seemingly impossible you kind of accidentally open up the floodgates for a lot of other things. I would say if you are not in the right headspace to do this don't do it but it can be a powerful way to break up the monotony of reality. The theory that everything happens simultaneously bc time isn't a linear progression events blah blah we are energy blah blah the multiverse blah blah.. Theres so so so so so so so so so much about this and how it applies to things that I could probably write you 10+ dictionaries worth of material but for the sake of simplicity and not wanting to write a novel right now, I will continue. The main lesson is to start challenging your perception of the world around you. Ask why and why and why and why. Essentially seeing cracks in the matrix. Pulling your head out of your cosmic ass, realizing that rose you're smelling is actually daffodil ect. It's not supposed to bring you fear but just kinda encouraging you to question all the things that you perceive as given truths.

I tried to make that sound cohesive but really it's such a big concept that I can't really wrap it up all nice and neat.

Oki. May and March are also important times.

Listen to your intuition and try not to take everything so seriously. I'm not saying to check out and go squat in the Himalayas but it's important to find joy in the now. Life is already tough enough so don't forget to watch a silly show that you like or change your hair to a style you've never tried, wear makeup in a very loud way. Just have fun and don't worry so much about things that you can't control. Listen to yourself and your intuition.

Well that was all over the place. Let's get on to the actual tarot part now.

For the record, the pictures are right to left.

January for the collective

We have the empress, the sun, 7 of swords and a fortune that says "act well your part; there the honor lies"

Hmm. Ngl I was a little confused to see the empress and the sun for January... I mean it hasn't been great. So I pulled clarity card 7 of swords. The 7 of swords is all about betrayal. It's about the deception and and actively getting away with things. This is people lying, cheating, sneaking and the works.

This makes much more sense!! The Sun card is usually about joy and success and happiness but in this case I see it as illuminating the betrayal. It's shining light on the deception and keeps the spotlight there. Its also an energetic card so I think that shows passion for uncovering the truth.

With the empress card too I think January is all about getting creative in all forms. Creative ways to protest, to mourn, to celebrate, to connect. Also taking in the abundance that we DO have. The beauty that surrounds us. I like to think of aphrodite energy for this. Its not just love and passion and creativity but is also asserting yourself and having strong passion for what you love and fighting for it. Did you know aphrodite was also called upon in ancient Greece in times of war? She was honored as a goddess of war but still a goddess of love, the sea, fertility ect. What I'm trying to say is that being a creative and "feminine" energy is in no way weak. Sometimes the most powerful things come from this energy. Love aggressively with good intentions. The point is that you should take whatever you're feeling and translate it into something creative or something you care about. The fact that covid is still a thing really sucks but take any rage, hurt, sadness, joy, love whatever and use that shit to make something amazing. Bake bread and punch the fuck out of it, paint your frustration, play hopscotch in higheels while you listen to heavy metal. You get the point.

Now January for BTS!!

We have the death card. (I only pulled one card bc I have things planned from this)

January has been... strange? To say the least.

This card can be a lot of things for them. I think this points to more maturity in their music? Like they've finally ditched the "shiny kpop boy band" label and are being taken seriously in the west. I also think that they're going through a musical/concept transformation~ I think it also signified the change in plans bc of the Grammys perhaps they had things planned an that fell through so they were forced to rapidly change plan/course.

For January: possible mixtape or announcement.

February for the collective

We have 8 of coins reverse and hanged man reverse.

The 8 of pentacles reverse talks a lot about self improvement. Doing that good good inner work and self care. Working on developing parts of you that you've maybe neglected. It's also learning how to work with how you are instead of wishing you weren't the way you are. If you have a therapist its a great time to maybe ask for any extra tips that you can practice daily to help you even more. Maybe exploring more into insecurities relating to finance or jobs or your passions. If you don't have a therapist but you have the means to get one I always highly recommend. You don't have to have "problems" to see a therapist. Everyone could use a non biased point of view that is literally trained to help you be you best self. If you can't get therapy, I get it. Shits tough rn but there's still things we can do to better ourselves like Journaling and reading therapy blogs or self help books (not the taky shit) or trying a hobby you fell out of touch with. There's also a lot of places where you can get therapy promise on the internet. Most importantly, better yourself in the way that you need. Take time in February to take notice of what you want to improve upon. The 8 of coins reversed does come with the warning not to get stuck in perfectionism. Go easy on yourself and if you find yourself getting frustrated when working on projects, try to take a step back and practice whatever it is in a fun way and then come back to it later

Hanged man reverse talks about knowing that you need to chill but you don't. You'll need too. Maybe you'll find yourself swept up in work and tasks and you're over whelmed and know you need to stop and catch your breath but you resist. Why? Well, perhaps you're trying to ignore reality by filling the empty spaces with things and stuff so you don't have to face what's bothering you. Not wise. Take time for yourself. There's also the flips side where people are just kinda stuck.. creative block. Maybe you want something to turn out one way and it just isn't, so your stuck and frustrated and can't move past it. Let go of your expectation of how it should be and let it be what it is. Go with the flow and maybe you'll see a new way to overcome your problem. You'll eventually get that break through that you need! The theme of February is about self improvement. Listen to yourself.

February for BTS

We have judgment.

Hehe yeah. This card is about rebirth and the inner calling. Letting go of the old to step into the new version of you. This is also a very spiritual card lol. This can talk about a new decision that you have to trust your gut on. This is a very significant card that screams comeback to me. It also can talk about sharing your struggles with a group of people and that to me sounds comeback ish. Maybe this will be an announcement in February, maybe they'll be working on it idk but this is ultimate comeback energy so I hope they utilize this for a big group project!!

February: possible BTS comeback (even my pendulum knows)

March for the collective

The chariot and justice

This plays directly off of February! With the chariot you're taking the self improvement that you've done and putting it to action! Now is the time to act on the dreams and passions that you have don't wait and hope for the best. March is about action and standing in your power.

Justice card is cause and effect and truth. What you do will have consequences good or bad. Not doing anything also has consequences. Cease the moment and make the best of it. You'll be taking responsibility for what you do. You start a business? Now you have the responsibility of running it and you get the credit. Stuff like that. Stand by your decisions with conviction and trust yourself.

There's also the side of justice that talks about bringing justice. If you've been wronged, you'll be brought justice if you stand up for yourself.

We also carry the continuous lesson of learning what we truly believe and challenge those beliefs!

March for BTS

Oki we have the hermit and the 6 of pentacles reverse.

Well... let's start with the 6 of pentacles reverse. This can really talk about being so generous and giving to everyone else that you forget about yourself. I think that maybe they might be over exerting themselves and giving so much that they're exhausted physically and emotionally as well. I think too, they take on so much of our pain like its their own? Idk but this would be a good time to do a large scale fan project to show them a little extra love!

With the hermit card it talks about a self introspection so they could be looking inward as a team and kinda evaluating their bond.

I also see this as maybe being alone as in they maybe can't physically go to the grammys? Or maybe they had been planning the rescheduled concerts and they had to be pushed back even further? Things like that. Regardless this signals re thinking/reevaluating the goals that they have and considering what direction to go in!

March: possible mixtape or solo project?

April for the collective

We have 6 of coins and 3 of cups reverse.

Let's start with the 6 of coins. It's about sharing. It can be about charity so sharing money via donation but also giving time, effort, energy to people as well. Giving knowledge is good too! It's an all round exchange. Maybe someone lends you money or you lend money to someone. It's give and take. It's a two way street. It's also a card of balanced finance. So money stuff should be looking promising around this time (for you U.S people this could point to more stimulus help as well)

And for the 3 of cups reversed... I see this as reopening of places and people struggling to find the balance. So think people who've been in lockdown celebrating by throwing a big party... yikes. This card reminds that we should be mindful of the long-term consequences that come with our actions.. maybe also people that are experiencing fear of being in public places now. This is only one facet though. Bc I think this also means in general, missing being with friends and having a renewed relationship because you've really realized how important it is to have these people that mean so much to you in your life. Don't forget that you have people that love you and want the best for you. Call them when you feel alone.

April for BTS

The heirophant

Mhmm. This one kinda gives me vibes that they'll be mentoring people? Idk but I see them more as the heirophant teaching what they've learned/ know to help guide others. HOWEVER this could also be them taking a new task under their belt. Learning something new. Since this is as a group reading I assume that this talks about the group as a whole. This card is also very tradition oriented so maybe they are taking lessons that are connected to traditional Korean culture? Maybe its for RUN or maybe its to incorporate into music and preformance. Think bts mma preformance but all of them learning together? Idk, it's just a thought (maybe wishful thinking). It also talks about seeking counseling so maybe they'll do yoongis idea from the most recent RUN.

This can also be them embracing this kind of leadership/ status.

April: I got nothing. It does feel like something though

May for the collective

Five of cups and queen of cups reversed

Five of cups is disappointment, regret and self pity. Now honestly this to me looks like possibly a tightening of restrictions yet again. Regardless of the situation that this is talking about, the best thing you can do is not wallow in the bullshit. You scrape yourself off the pavement and move foward. You'll need forgiveness of yourself and others and that if shit isn't going your way, you need to pull your head out of your ass and look around bc there's options out there. It's like drowning in a kiddie pool. Just stand up, dude. The water is like 5 inches.

Queen of cups reversed talks about self love and self care. It's more of that look inwards energy. Think about really taking care of yourself. May might be emotionally draining so you need to be ready to take care of you! Part of self care is making sure that your boundaries are well enforced.

Be on the look out for codependent behaviors. Check in with yourself.

The queen of cups is very intuitive and having it in reverse can talk about you not taking enough time to listen to it. Make an effort to meditate for like 5 minutes a day at least. Do something to let yourself connect to your intuition and higher self.

May for BTS

9 of pentacles

This about enjoying the fruits of your labor and absolute abundance and luxury. This could talk about them rolling in the dough after signing a new partnership or having a concert or something if the sort. This could also be a time where we see them buying new things like houses, cars and rings (lol) but also this could be them doing a very high production value project! Also namjoon and his bonsai army are thriving in this time!

May: possible concert or scheduled concert event. Activity of some kind.

Yoongi interlude

I asked for one card to give me an idea of what the mystical May 13th really is. I got: the star, 2 of cups, 4 of wands, the world and the sun.

Guys. I can't with this. 2 of cups is a card of union, romance, soulmate. 4 of wands is celebration, joy, homecoming, bliss. The world is completion and the sun is happiness, joy, marriage, enlightenment.

I've said it a billion times but that's some soulmate shit. So soft so cute and May will be eventful for his personal life.

June for the collective

Death and the heirophant reversed.

Wow wow wow death is transformation and a new chapter so a new way of life and something new/ different that changes how we see things. Again this could be relating to new covid things and new policies and stuff like that but also new as in new to all of us. Groundbreaking perhaps?

The heirophant reversed talks about teaching yourself. Being your own teacher and making your own path. This might be spiritual or otherwise. Challange what the world wants from you and instead listen to what you truly want bc you don't need anyone's approval. Continue to ask questions about why things are the way that they are.

June for BTS

Page of pentacles

Oki oki page of pentacles means a new creative venture and manifestation. Maybe something that they've been wanting for a while finally comes to fruition. This might be the start of a new project that they haven't done before or something cross genre? Idk but its a really good sign of being motivated for a new endeavor and manifesting any projects that they've ever wanted to do. Love this promising energy!!

June: idk

July for the collective

10 of swords and 9 of cups reversed.

10 of swords signals a painful ending. Also deceit. Its a necessary end to a long battle. The only thing you can do is control how you react in these situations. You just kinda gotta surrender into the pain and know that it's temporary. Take time to reflect on what happened and why and how it will help you grow.

The 9 of cups reversed talks about valuing stuff and material things over emotions and spiritual things. This can be talking about society in general, that we are becoming more aware to the fact that there is often more value placed on ephemeral items rather than humanity as a whole. This also can be talking about coming to the realization that we've been working so hard towards... something we don't really care about simply because we were told that it's what you do.

If you want something different to happen you have to put in effort. You can't be sitting in front of a water fountain being like, "damn. I'm thirsty. I really really want water so why isn't it in my mouth yet?" Like?? Hello? You have to take the first step, my dude.

Certainly don't try to do anything that would cost you finatial security or health.

You have the potential to find happiness within yourself. So try looking inside instead of looking outward.

July for BTS

4 of swords.

This is about rest and relaxation!

Taking time to meditate and take some time to look at what you've done objectively. Ots like the hermit in a way but much more focused on resting and relaxing so you can come back stronger and with better direction. Maybe they'll take a break for a couple days but I really see it as them reassessing options. Especially if July goes how I think it will. Maybe they'll film something like In The Soop again? Maybe we'll see bon voyage type thing? Idk. But it could be something kinda out of the spotlight? Maybe something more healing?

July: maybe something?? I'm not sure but it seems like something might be in store.

August for the collective

5 of coins and the wheel of fortune

Well let's see. 5 of pentacles talks about isolation and a negative mindset. This talks about falling on hard times but its a temporary set back. This energy can be talking about falling on hard times emotionally as well. In the card it shows a woman outside of a church shivering and cold but she's too busy thinking about all that she's lost that she doesn't notice the warm church that she could step into for shelter.

But then with he wheel of fortune that talks about fate/destiny, opportunity and luck so maybe this is a necessary loss so that a new door can open. This does kinda tie in with July as well. The end of something is painful but it's often a necessary thing. Might be a bit uncomfy but that's how things change. Again I see this maybe hinting more towards society but none the less it's definitely a theme for August to have doors closing and new ones opening so be on the lookout for that.

August for BTS

The devil.

Now don't fret. The devil talks a lot about choice. Most notably the choice between instant gratification and and something more substantial and the devil leans towards indulgence. It also has a lot to do with the shadow side. This could talk about ~scandal~ sure, but I think its more of a time where you become aware of negative patterns and you shine a light on that part you've ignored. On a much lighter note this card talks also about an incredible bond between people. It can be unhealthy if not given space or boundaries. Listen to pied piper and come back to me.

I also REALLY REALLY REALLY hope that this card points to this: sexuality. The boys have always been pretty pg when it comes to the topic of sex and embracing sexuality so I really do hope to see something more daring and grown up and exploring a tastefully sexy concept. On the same vain as sexuality this card also talks about kinks and stuff like that so don't be surprised if we get more outfits like fake love Era bondage harnesses.

August: ???

September for the collective

We have the world and 10 of wands reversed.

The 10 of wands reversed talks about carrying burden. Doing extra work and taking on more responsibility. Doing everything by yourself and carrying this heavy load alone will get you burnt out quicker than anything. You might be taking on too much and you'll need to prioritize what you really need to focus on. I also think there will just be a lot happening in September for a lot of people. It's a lot of working hard because you know it's good work or because it's what's right. This could be social responsibility that's placed on you or work responsibility. For whatever reason this burden isn't something you want to share with others because you think its yours alone to deal with. It's not though bc you'll figure out eventually that if it hurts so much you'll find a way to lessen the burden. 10 in tarot is all about the completion of a cycle and going through the wands cycle is hard work because for anything to be made of passion, you need to put the work behind it. The burden isn't forever, the heavy work load will lighten but this is you seeing things out. It's a good thing!

Especially considering this is paired with with world. The world is all about completion and that's what you're doing here is finding completion. You are seeing things out until the end but you just need to learn to give up some responsibility, lessen your burden.

This also talks about hard work being put into wider social spheres as well. Things like the vaccines becoming more widespread through the whole globe or at least better planing and infrastructures not related to covid. Things are looking up!

September for BTS

Knight of swords reverse

This bad boi is restless energy. It's being so pent up that you're ready to burst and you really want to take action but you can't because something is keeping you from taking that action. Again I do think this is kinda covid related in regards to touring bc if they do tour in 2021 its gonna look a lot different. This energy can be a bit impulsive and directionless so I think maybe they'll channel this into album material something? I'm not really sure tbh. I'm suprised this energy didn't show up earlier because it almost seems inevitable.

September: no clue

October for the collective

Ten of coins and the star reverse.

Welp let's start with the 10 of coins. Its about wealth, financial security, and long term success so this is a pretty prosperous time. This talks about the obvious monetary wealth and material wealth but also an abundance of opportunities. So this is definitely a good time to enjoy whatever consistency you have. This energy is really really abundant in the career space as well. So October could be very prosperous in the job field and you'll have likely found what it is you really want and could be successful at. This could be the actual act or just the idea. This is could also talk about investing in something for your future, this could be time or money.

With the star reversed it can talk about a loss of faith and a disconnection. This often points to feeling like you've just been forgotten or left out. Like the universe doesn't give a shit about you and left you out to die. Things might seem unfair but always try to look for the lesson that you can take from the experience. Seeing the 10 of coins and the star makes me think that a lot of people have kinda lost faith in their manifestations and also just in the concept of not living in a state of need. Especially if you see other people doing well and you've been trying so fucking hard but you haven't gotten a break. I know we hate to hear it but this can serve as a test of faith. Or rather an opportunity to get your shit in line and take a second to breath. Do something good for yourself and then continue on. This star in reverse serves to show you what no longer sparks joy and helps you find what does and what that initial spark was in the first place. Helps you get back to the original vision/ spark.

October for BTS

5 of pentacles reverse.

This signals the end of difficult times and getting that groove back. The last month was restless energy with no where to go but this month that energy is certainly put to good use. They might be figuring out what has been missing In their lives and starting to rectify that. They are definitely reminded that material wealth doesn't bring spiritual or emotional wealth. Might be also feeling a bit alienated too.

October: something is likely but idk

November for collective

Six of swords reversed and the moon.

Transition and change is prevalent. The 6 of swords is about leaving behind the familiar. Maune this is leaving a job, a new change in the status quo, leaving a relationship ect. The thing you have to keep in mind is just how amazing this is in terms of what it will do. It will alow growth!! And bring clarity!! Thos can also be societal as well, something being left behind in favor of something new. It's letting go and reflecting so that you can move foward.

This is strengthened by the moon card. The moon card is the subconscious and all the things that come with it. The anxiety, the illusion, the uncertainty. You'll want to deal with whatever emotions come up. The moon can signify a confusing time where things aren't what they seem to be. That's the illusions so you'll have rely more on intuition at a time like this. Your dreams might hold significance in this time as well. Listen to your guides and your own guidance because it will help you understand more than you did before this journey began. Using moon cycles to your advantage in November might really help you!!

November for BTS

7 of wands

Challenge and competition. People are envious of bts. We know this. But people will be challenging them for what they've gained: music industry domination. This might co.e in the way that people will spread vicious rumors in attempt to disenfanchise or possibly it will be a fair fight. It could also be a challenge/ battle for some other aspect that involves legal matters.

My best guess though is good old competition. Bts has proven again and again that they will continue to do what they do how they do but they will not be trampled over. In the best way this could renew some of that spirit in friendly competition. They will tear eachothers throats out for a pack of ramen so maybe a bit of competition will be good for them. It keeps life intresting.

November: nothin

December for the collective

Two of cups and the emperor!

Let's start off with the emperor card talks about stability and order. It can also signify being the "breadwinner" so its a good sign that you'll kinda be on top of your shit. The emperor is also an amazing leader so you might find yourself taking on a leadership role too! This is very organized energy that works very smoothly!

two of cups is such a lovely way to end out the year! It's love and partnership and attraction so if you aren't in a relationship by this time you might meet someone who strikes your fancy!! On a none romantic relationship note though, this card is also great for business partnership bc it signifies that you're on the same page and have the same goals in mind!

It's harmonious relationships and trust between them!! Love love love this energy so much! Cups are the suit of emotions and this card is so promising.

If you are in a relationship, this can talk about "falling in love all over again" like you're just reminded of how good they are.

December for BTS

Queen of cups

Intuition, creativity and emotional stability. They're using intuition to guide their moves foward with emotional maturity. They are in a place of knowing what they want and why. This would be a good time to work on an album or a book or to release them. The queen of cups is like the friend that you can tell absolutely anything and somehow they have a helpful answer. This card is really calm and it can also talk about subconscious thoughts.

I think that bts is maybe making more of a conscious effort to make sure that what they do is just as emotionally fulfilling for them as it is for us! They might be kinda pondering the future at this time and considering if this is what fills their emotional cup!

December: possibly a thing?

Now these cards are the vibe of the year and some advice.

For the collective (on the left)

Three of swords and judgment reverse.

The fortune says "accept the challenges, so that you may feel the exhilaration of victory"

The 3 of swords is about disappointment and hurt and heartbreak. It's about the emotional release that we all need when shit gets tough. Don't pretend to be strong. If you need to cry, fucking cry. This year is about letting go of expectations and do what you have to do to release so you can move foward and not have these things pile up.

You have to make an effort to not let yourself take on what other people think of you. You aren't defined by what some asshole says. You define yourself.

Judgment reverse is about self doubt and ignoring your path. It's being stagnant and being harsh on yourself. This year has a focus on building yourself up and noticing when you are not. Bring light to the things that are holding you back without harsh judgment for yourself. You can't beat yourself up. If you make a bad decision you know not to make it again. Take accountability and move on.

The oracle card is inner temple.

Seriously all the focus of this year is in self improvement and dear god, please take time to work on yourself spiritually!!! Everything you want to know is there if you take the time to listen. This should be a place where you feel safe and welcome. It definitely should not feel like something you HAVE to do.

For BTS

10 of swords and page of swords

The fortune says "you create your own stage. The audience is waiting" (how tje fuck?? This is the perfect fortune)

The 10 of swords is a painful but necessary end. This is accepting the current situation. They maintain focus for 2021 for them is adapting and keeping their spirits up.

With the page of swords it talks about new ideas and that kind of creativity. It's also a lot about communication so I really think that they'll be figuring out new ways to connect and new projects that will be prosperous.

The oracle card is Pleiades

This is what we talk about all the time. Bts has helped so many people want to be better and do better. They are uplifting humanity and giving people a sense if belonging. Bts finds you when you need them most 💜💜💜

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wow I had to write this up over 2 days bc this was so fucking long. I need a nap. Idk if I'll proof read this before I post it so don't hate me for the mistakes (honestly, there's like 10,000 spelling and grammar mistakes in my other posts too 🙃)

I hope you guys enjoyed it and maybe this will be helpful to to have a forecast of some possible energy for you to look out for!!

Also bts bc I love them. I have another bts 2021 reading I'll do soon too!

Hope you guys are happy and well 💜

[khaleesiofalicante]

in holt's voice: Pain. That's it.

Today hasn't been the best but HEY I HAD THESE PRECIOUS BABIES TO KEEP MY COMPANY

He looked exhausted like he hadn’t slept at all.

alec...

I'm already sad and ready to murder

the baby...

David had never lost someone he loved.

this is fucking foreshadowing isn't it

But real strength was not in surviving the presence of pain. Real strength was in suviving the absence of love.

despite the chaos I'm glad to see these two interacting

The Consul leaned back in his chair and ran his hand through his beard. David had to admit, he looked damn good with it. Even if it made him seem even more intimidating than before.

yes boy YES

it's really hard not to smile right now but my camera is on and im supposed to be finding meanings of foreign words based on my own knowledge so-

JACKSON

“Max is too old for me to tell him what he is and isn’t allowed to do,” the Consul said – although he didn’t sound very happy about it.

MY TEACHER ASKED ME THE FIRST QUESTION IM LOSING MY SHIT

It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay.

let's hope so

Facts and figures, babe, Max had kissed his cheek last night. Dad likes facts and figures.

deep breathes

it'll be ok

“You’ve done your research,” the Consul nodded. There was a hint of approval in his voice that made David want to do a cartwheel.

AWWWW

“I’d like to take care of the New York institute,” David said now. “Because Jace Herondale and Clary Fairchild took care of me.”

And for the first time that evening, the Consul smiled. David wanted to burst into song.

AHHHH

this is beautiful

David couldn’t help but find that endearing. He wondered what it felt like to be loved like that. He wondered what it felt like to have a father like that – a father who couldn't stop loving his child even for a moment.

A love that was endless and tireless.

Every time he was in the presence of the Lightwood-Bane family he was reminded of what he had lost and what every child deserved.

It made him sad.

But then he would remember. He would remember that Max had grown up knowing nothing but this. Max had grown up with nothing but love.

It made him happy.

alright come here let me hug you

UHUHSCUICDUH "Why do you not like me"

“I know I worry too much about Max,” the Consul said, his smile sad now. “But I can only worry now. I won’t always be there to worry over him.”

it's 9 am boy

THESE TWO REALLY BE ASKING THE TRUE QUESTIONS

"Why are you scared of me" HSUHYUKDUMKDS WELL YOU SEE-

all we can really do is replace the bad memories with happier ones...

“No,” the Consul said, and David’s heart almost stopped. “I mean, of course I care. But I don’t have to be hard on you to show you that I do. There are many ways to show people we care about them without hurting them.”

David thought of his father then. He remembered the way his father had drawn the agony rune on his wrist and promised him it was because he loved David and wanted him to be strong. The memory hurt.

Jace and Clary bestest

“I’m sorry for whatever I did to intimidate you,” the Consul apologized.

that is so alec oh my god 😭

David looked him in the eye. “You’re Alec Lightwood.”

The man looked confused. “Is that supposed to mean something?

I'm smiling so much right now because yeah

yeah I get what he's saying

David hadn’t known that boys were allowed to kiss other boys – not until he heard about Alec Lightwood’s Accords Hall kiss.

David hadn’t known fairy tales existed outside of books - not until he heard about Alec Lightwood adopting a warlock baby with Magnus Bane.

David hadn’t known love can literally change the world – not until he heard about Alec Lightwood changing the world for the man he loved.

don't make me cry during linguistics

“Well,” the Consul chuckled. “To be entirely honest, I did all of that for Magnus.”

as he should

“Everything I have ever done has always been for Magnus,” the Consul said, his voice oddly soft.

we're talking about some wall in class and im here trying not to cry

my teacher just asked why some of us have our cameras off WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY

“I don’t want to be a hero,” David confessed honestly. “I just thought if I ran away to a city full of heroes, they would protect me if someone tried to hurt me again.”

“What’s that?” the Consul frowned, pointing at his neck.

By the angel! David was going to have words with Max when he saw him again.

“Uh,” David said. “Mosquito bite.”

AHHHHHHHH MOSQUITO BITE

“Do you remember when Izzy got attacked by a demon in Edom?”

“And you drank my blood,” the Consul rolled his eyes.

“Aw,” the Dean of the Academy chuckled. “You do remember.”

poor David is stuck between them talking like this IM SCREAMING

He remembered the way Consul had blamed himself when Max had found the spoils room at the York Institute. The way he had believed he should have done better when his eldest son had been traumatized by foul rumours of the Clave.

oh honey no

There were people who got mad at themselves when things went wrong.

There were people who got mad at everyone around them when things went wrong.

While Alec Lightwood was the former, his son and David’s boyfriend, was definitely the latter.

I'm definitely both

“It wasn’t your fault,” David spoke up then. “When bad things happen to people, it’s because of the people who did those bad things. We shouldn’t atone for someone else’s sins.”

“Yeah. Stop atoning, dude,” the Dean said chuckled. “Listen to the boy.”

YES EVERYONE LISTEN TO DAVID

“And be careful,” the Consul said, his tone a little different now.

“I will keep an eye on-”

“No,” the Consul said and pointed at the hickey on David’s neck. “With Max. Be careful.”

David was pretty sure his face on fire.

OH MY GOD

IM SHAKING

“Um, we have the internet,” David pointed out.

The Consul blinked. “Right. Of course. The internet.”

yes

ao3 and Wattpad

KIDS DON'T GO ON THESE WEBSITES AT 11 JUST DO NOT

“If he gives you a hard time, don’t give up,” the man whispered like it was a secret. “You just need to weasel your way into his life.”

David chuckled. “Is that what you did?”

yup

“Yeah, and then he had the audacity to get accidentally get drunk and confess his love in the middle of the night.”

AWW SHE'S TELLING GIGI ABOUT THEIR PAST

“I did have a latte,” her mother said with a straight face.

Georgia didn’t find that funny.

I almost said "BECAUSE IT'S NOT FUNNY" before I realized that is exactly what I would've said

She knew her mother, like so many other people in her life, preferred to use humour to cope with the pain. They preferred to hide their pain away from other people.

Georgia never understood why people did that. Did they think others didn’t know what pain felt like? Everyone was in pain all the time – some kind of it at least. Everyone knew how to cope with it. So, it made more sense to share it than to carry it all by yourself.

i...I never look at it that way

Apparently, hand holding had special healing abilities at times like this.

yeah it really does

Georgia had hoped to find out herself. She had wondered so much about the baby.

tears. literal tears

It didn’t matter that Georgia had wanted to name the baby Abigail after the first iron sister. It didn’t matter that her father wanted to name the baby Jonathan to piss off Uncle Jace.

Abigail Jonathan Lightwood-Lovelace

FUCK OFF AND LET ME CRY IN PEACE

People said that poison was a coward’s weapon. But Georgia didn’t think so. It wasn’t easy to make poison. It wasn’t easy sneak it into the right place at the right time.

Whoever did this, they were not cowards. They were smart and they should be feared.

yeah, what did happen during the trial?

uh is Selena ok?

like genuinely

is she just a very heavy sleeper or...

MARYSE

Because sometimes the only comfort you needed was your mom.

yeah...

Except for random parts of the house that were incredibly organized – a sign Uncle Jace had been there

Yup.

“I’m staying in New York, mom. I’m going to help Selena and the centurions find out who did this to me,” her mother said, her words a promise. “And once I do, I’m going to strangle them with my whip.”

Yes you will

Anjali and Rafe

please be ok. please

HOW ABOUT WE DO A TRADE

ZARA'S LIFE FOR ANJALI'S 😄

ok I know that's not how it works but IM DESPERATE

her bedroom seems amazing though

Rafael gave so much shit to his dad because the other man had the habit of watching his husband sleep.

But now he sort of understood the fascination.

AWWWWW

“You do ballet?” he asked, holding up the ballet shoes.

slightly reminds me of rosa

OK WHO AM I KIDDING SHE TOTALLY DOES

the red binder

it's fucking genius

David can keep his flowers and cookies and scarves.

This, what he held in his hands right now, was the best thing anyone could ever give him. A file full of reforms to make the clave better.

IM SCREAMING

“You think I want to die and leave the Council in your cishet hands?”

YES BESTIE

“I don’t care what the Clave needs,” Rafael snapped, and Anjali momentarily looked taken aback. “I need you.”

he needs her

FUCK IT TIME TO CRY

“Bulgaria is known as the land of roses,” Rafael told her. “The Sofia Institute is built in the middle of a rose garden.”

“Oh,” Anjali’s eyes momentarily softened. “I like roses.”

you know that tiktok trend? the one which goes "listen it's a good joke it's a great joke even but i need you to stop" or smth like that?

yeah

His hand was itching to reach out and hold hers. So, he did just that. He reached out – very carefully – and took her hand in his own.

“I need you to get better, Anjali,” he whispered. “Cause I would very much like to take you there.”

HAND HOLDING

no she's not becoming a vampire

The part that was the shadowhunter – which told him she didn’t deserve to die over some angelic mishap.

The part that was the future Consul – which told him he needed Anjali on his side.

The part that was a Lightwood-Bane – which told him he should never give up fighting.

And then there was the part that was Rafael – just Rafael.

It told him he had to save his heart – no matter the consequences.

we're talking about some powerplant in geography and I'm crying over this

Anjali please please don't die

“Not everything,” Rafael told her. “I know someone who can help.”

WHO

GIVE ME A NAME

“Well, now we don’t know that for sure!” Max grinned. “Who knows what they get up to? Maybe there is someone occasional boning in the bone city.”

“How does manage to get more insufferable every time I meet him?” Jackson demanded.

i...never looked at it that way

OH JACKSON IS BECOMING A SILENT BROTHER

Max grinned widely at the other boy. “You wanna be my immortal buddy, Jack-Jack?”

OOP-

“The boys are back” he yelled, hugging David and Jackson. “Ty, our boys are back! Yas! The London Boys are back!”

THE LONDON BOYS

“Okay it’s a little disrespectful when you call her by the same name you call me,” Max pointed out.

“True,” Jackson nodded. “Irene shouldn’t be disrespected like that.”

YUYZXYSCGYZCGYUCUIZCVUH SCREAMING

"It’s hard being a celeb,” Max sighed dramatically.

“He is referring to the chaos you unleashed the last time you went there,” Jackson rolled his eyes. “People still remember you.”

“I’m memorable. It’s not my fault,” Max shrugged.

Max no more gambling bestie

“If the assassination attempt on Magnus had been successful, we wouldn’t be sitting and talking like this,” Kit pointed out. “The nephilim and downworlders would be at war.”

As they should. No one hurts Magnus

“So the target isn’t just Magnus Bane?” Jackson asked.

“Possibly,” Ty nodded. “The Consul and his husband…They are the ones who united the shadow world – with the Alliance. With their marriage. So, it’s not surprising that someone – seelie or not – wants to break it all down.”

with every line, I get closer to a breakdown

“There are people all around me to protect me from demons and crazy assassins,” Max smiled. “But you…You protect me from myself. So, don’t give me that I’m not good at protecting bullshit.”

so precious...

“Now let’s go find out which dumbass thought it would be a good idea to try and kill Magnus Fucking Bane.”

i have a few torture methods in mind

If shadowhunters couldn’t fight demons, it would put both downworlders and mundanes in danger. His father’s Clave – small as it was – did their best to keep the demons at bay. They were the only thing keeping the shadow world safe from demons.

Ikr?? Like David said earlier Alec's clave is literally the one doing the actual shadowhunting.

“Jackson is incredibly smart and perceptive. He knows what is good for him, David. He chose you to be his best friend. He has accepted that his family is gone for good and is finally focusing on his future. If this is what he wants to do and if this is who he wants to be, then you should trust that he has thought this through. He wouldn’t have chosen this life if he thought he wouldn’t be happy with it.”

TRUE

ALRIGHT WHO TF IS BEHIND ALL THIS

i just want to talk 🙂

“Great,” Max said, feeling frustrated. “So, someone created a fancy new poison just to kill my parents.”

“They did say something else,” Kit said, his tone worried. “The poison…It’s not entirely made of demonic properties.”

“Oh?” David said.

“It’s a mixture of angelic and demon properties,” Ty Blackthorn said. “And we know that-”

“Seelies,” Max whispered. “They have both angel and demon blood.”

Is anyone else scared?

GASP

WHAT IF

It's an angel and prince of hell working together?

ok that seems highly unlikely

“I don’t think you have a choice, bud,” Kit giggled. “Mina will have your head if you don’t get married. She has been working on a Pinterest board for years now.”

KIT

KIT

WHAT THE FUCK

OH MY GOD KIT

NO NO NO

HE CAN'T BE DEAD

NO FUCK NO

I'm absolutely loving all this angst so much. You said chapter 9 was the most angsty and frankly I can't wait :p

now...IF KIT AND ANJALI DIE I WILL BE VERY VERY SAD but the angst potential with Anjali though...NOPE NOPE NOPE. MY GIRL'S GONNA BE INQUISITOR I KNOW SHE WILL.

AHHHHHH THIS CHAPTER WAS A LOT LMAO.

I love how you are complaining but also thirsting for angst yall crazy.

I hope you are taking care of yourself and working on your entry for the competition!!!!!

Also the "we're talking about some wall in class" killed me lmao I laughed so hard fdhvjd.

[topsytervy]

Colorful Notes ~ Pope Heyward

Naming and knowing how to end my writings is my Kryptonite, I swear.

Blurb: Pope stops by your house after school while your sick and informs you his notes are boring.

Word Count: 1,451 (it's a short one peeps)

Warnings: swearing, mentions of a cold?, spelling/grammar mistakes, there's not really anything else that needs a warning I think.

~~~~~~

You laid on your couch a sniffling, coughing mess as some random soap opera played on your tv. Well, random being the Young and the Restless cause you saw it on Hulu and decided you had nothing better to do. 

You were called in from school by your father, much to your dismay considering you had an AP world history test that day, and were forced to rest. 

You heard a knock on the front door before it opened, a familiar voice calling throughout your house. "Y/N! Sweetheart!"

"In here, Pope!" You called out, immediately regretting it when you started coughing.

Within a couple of seconds, the face of your sweet boyfriend came into view and you smiled. 

"How are you feeling, baby?" He asked, walking over to the couch and setting his backpack down next to it. 

He placed a quick kiss to the top of your head as you sat up. "Like shit. And when I figure out who got me feeling like shit, they will be feeling like shit when I punch them for making me miss a test." You grumbled. Pope let out a small laugh as he sat down, pulling you into his side. You rested your head on his chest as you wrapped your arms around his waist. "Please tell me you brought me my homework."

"I did but your dad told me not to give it to you because you'll do it now and you need to rest. He thinks you got sick cause of stress and I think-"

"You think it was John B cause he was sick that one day." You cut him off and he shot you a look.

"I think your dads right." Pope finished, emphasizing the 'I' in his sentence.

You pouted. "I think he's wrong." 

Pope rubbed your back and sighed, changing the subject. "What on earth are you watching?"

"The Young and The Restless." 

"Why?" 

"Well, there's 48 seasons of Young and the Restless and I started thinking about how easy it is for us nowadays to go through an entire season. We go through a season as if it's a hot knife cutting through butter. So I wondered how long it would take me to watch all 48 seasons if I didn't just stick to a season a day which made me do the math and if I can get through 2 seasons a day, I can watch all of it on 24 days. I now have a goal to watch all 48 seasons before day 24 hits all while keeping up with everything happening." You rambled.

"And how long are these episodes?" Pope inquired.

"The show started in 1973 and up until 1980, episodes were about half an hour. Every episode after 1980 is about an hour."

"Sounds like you have your work cut out for you then."

"Well, I need something to keep me busy, Pope."

"You're not gonna be sick for 24 days sweetheart which means you won't be able to watch at least 2 and a half seasons a day if you wanna get it done before day 24 because you'll be back at school." He reasoned.

You grinned. "I know. Which is why once I'm back at school I'm dropping the knowing what's going on bit. Then it can just play while I get ready, or eat, or do homework." Pope rolled his eyes and reached for the remote but you pulled it away from him. "I'm only half a season in and this is season 5, bucko."

"Alright. Alright. I just thought maybe," Pope sighed, reaching over and unzipping his backpack and pulling out some of his notebooks. You perked up at the movement, pulling away from Pope and staring at your boyfriend. "I have all these boring notes from the past week and they're so dull. I thought you would want to do your thing and make them a little less dull but I guess not." He shrugged.

You grinned and wrapped your arms around his neck, kissing his cheek. "Pope, you are the greatest human being on earth. Do you know that?" 

"You tell me everyday." He smiled before getting up to go grab your gel pens from your room.

This wasn't the first time Pope had done this. Letting you doodle/color code his notes when you were bored or needed a break from whatever or even to just calm you down. It was enough to keep you relaxed while also engaging your brain.

Freshman year was the first time he ever let you do it and since then, he hasn't liked his notes in just boring pencil. He also hasn't thrown away any of his notebooks and barely lets anyone touch them, besides you of course, in fear that someone will destroy your work.

"Please John B. I just wanna do something." You pleaded.

You sat at a table in the library during study hall, all your homework done, with your friends Pope, John B, and JJ.

John B looked over at you. "They're notes, Y/N/N. I'm throwing all of them in a bonfire at the end of the year. It's pointless."

You rolled your eyes before turning them onto JJ. "JJ, can I please do something with your notes. I'm dying of boredom over here." 

JJ laughed.  "Bold of you to assume I took down notes. Come on, Y/L/N. I thought you knew me better than that."

"Why didn't you take notes?" 

"I can give you many reasons. One is why waste paper on useless shit. Deforestation and shit exists. Save some trees. Two is because then I don't have to buy new notebooks next year and I can save some money. Three is why the hell would I when I can just look at yours or Pope's." JJ listed before resuming his paper airplane. You stared at JJ and he glanced back up before sighing. "This is actually for science this time. Don't worry. I'm not gonna use it to piss off the librarian."

You were about to say something when a notebook was pushed towards you. You looked across to see Pope with a small smile. "Knock yourself out."

You grinned before opening it up and grabbing your gel pens from your backpack.

JJ leaned in close, knowing of his best friends small, but growing, crush on you. "Fuckin' whipped, dude." He chuckled which caused Pope to hit him.

Since then, Pope made sure to write light enough so you could trace over the words and left enough space for small doodles if you felt some were needed.

"Do you have a color scheme in mind?" You asked, sitting on the living room floor and laying out all your pens in front of you with Pope's science notebook opened to where you left off.

Pope thought about it for a minute before shaking his head. "You do whatever you deem fit, sweetheart." 

You grinned before turning your full attention onto the small project in front of you, reading over the words in front of you to see what colors you wanted to use. 

Pope sat behind you, playing with your hair as he watched you do your thing, content written all over your face. 

"I love you." You told him after a while, sniffling as you felt your nose begin to run

Pope smiled, kissing the back of your head as he reached for the box of tissues that sat beside you guys. "I love you too. Snot and all." He responded, holding the box out in front of you.

You grabbed a tissue with a pout before blowing your nose, Pope reaching for the trash can to bring it closer. "I hope I get you sick." 

Pope laughed. "Good luck with that. My immune system is solid, baby. It'll take more than this to get me sick."

You rolled your eyes before looking up at him and tapping your lips. "Kiss." 

Pope laughed once more as he shook his head. "Nice try, Y/N/N, but no."

You narrowed your eyes at him "I'll get ya, Heyward. I'll get ya when you least expect it. You won't even see it coming."

"I bet you will. Until then, and by then I mean better, all kisses will be placed on the cheek, hand, shoulder, top of the head, back of the head, and forehead." 

You made a face. "That's rude." 

"So is getting me sick. Now are you gonna do your thing or argue with me?"

"Both." You responded as you went back to Pope's notebook.

Pope smiled as he wrapped his arms around you and placed his head on your shoulder. "Bring on the debate then baby."

~~~~

[izzyfandoms]

Okay so I had an au idea this morning and since I have too many ideas I decided not to write it and instead I'm just gonna make a (hopefully not too long) post about it. It features Moxiety and Intruloceit.

-Okay so it starts with a typical zombie apocalypse, though I'm gonna make it so you only turn when infected, so not everyone who dies turns into one because those ones can never really have happy endings

-Our main characters are Virgil Nicholas and Patton Foster, a couple who both work at a child care centre thing (idk what theyre called) that take care of kids up to twelve years old while they're parents are at work

-When the zombie outbreak hits their area (it hit other parts of the country first, and spread quickly), most of the kids were picked up by their parents, and most of the adults left to figure out what was going on, to drop children home, or they just ran away, leaving Virgil, Patton and about a dozen children - including ten-year-old Roman Prince (the eldest of the remaining children), eight-year-old Thomas Sanders, five-year-old Remy Starlight (the youngest) and six-year-old Toby Month.

-They spend the first few days hiding in the centre, having locked and boarded all doors and windows to the outside, eating the food they had left and listening to the radio for updates. The power went out after the first two days and the phones and computers ran out of charge quickly

-Sometimes there's banging and groans from the outside, sometimes even screams, and the group just huddles up together, half the kids are crying and Virgil and Patton have to keep shushing them until the noises are gone

-It's terrifying, and, though Virgil is 99% certain that it's zombies, Patton is adament that it's something small and that everything will be fixed soon.

-However, they run out of food after a few days, so Virgil (despite Patton's protests) goes out to the nearby grocery store to nab some more food for the kids

-There's a terrifying hour of waiting and kids crying that they're hungry and Patton's trying to calm them down and tell them stories

-Virgil returns eventually with a stolen shopping cart filled to the brim with food. He's covered with goop and blood and is shaking.

-He and Patton take the food to the kitchen (leaving Roman in charge temporarily as he's the youngest)

-Virgil reveals that it is in fact a zombie apocalypse and that he didn't see any other survivors in town. He then reveals that he thinks he should go back to the shop and get the rest of the food that he can get so it doesn't get raided first. They get into an argument about it, but in the end they spend the next few days raiding all the nearby shops for food, supplies and weapons (that they keep out of the littlest kids' reach)

-The next month or so passes with minimal incidents

-A rather large horde of zombies passes through at one point, and it's a terrifying day of waiting it out and hoping they don't break the doors down - because they could have, there were enough of them - and they consider themselves lucky to have survived that

-Half the kids catch a stomach bug at one point, and Virgil and Patton are terrified that something'll go wrong, but it ends up okay (they got medicine from a local pharmacy, but don't want to risk using the wrong ones or running out)

-There were also at least three instances of children threatening to run away because they want to find their families, but those are pretty easy to deal with (Patton may not know zombies, but he knows childcare)

-At one point Roman asks to learn how to use a gun just in case cos he's the oldest of the kids and it's heartbreaking but Virgil teaches him

-They spend most of their time cheering the kids up by telling stories, some of them fiction and some of them from the past

-Patton talks about his parents and his younger brother Dorian, who he hasn't seen in years (they drifted apart and Dorian probably didn't get along with their parents)

-The kids also talk about their families (they cry a lot, but it's nice to share and talk about)

-Roman talks about his own older brother Remus, who he didn't see much (he too didnt get along with their parents) but misses very much

-Sad times all around, but they all get super close because of it and Virgil and Patton basically end up like all the little kids' parents

-Anyway back to the main plot

-A bit over a month passes since the zombie apocalypse started, and they've got a pretty decent thing going on

-One day, they're all having story time in the main room, when they suddenly hear footsteps in the hallway

-They all go silent and Patton and Virgil stand protectively in front of the kids with guns

-The door opens and oh plot twist Patton's brother Dorian walks in,,, along with Roman's brother Remus

-Patton and Roman shout their brothers' names in unison and run up to them and there's tears and crying

-Patton's first reaction is 'what the heck' and Roman's first reaction is 'what the fuck' and Remus laughs but Patton scolds him

-Virgil then pretty much repeats the 'what the fuck' (partly cos it makes the kids giggle) and is like 'okay how did you even FIND us'

-Turns out Dorian has been looking for Patton for like Weeks (Remus assumed Roman was with his parents and is lowkey heartbroken to find that Roman's been here the whole time) cos the last time they brothers saw each other was before Patton got the job

-He ended up going back to search their parents house. Their parents weren't there but he found a pic at Patton's apartment. Took him a while to find it but when he did he found a pic of the daycare and went there and there they are.

-Patton and Roman's families have lived in this area their whole lives which is how Dorian and Remus know each other. Also they're dating and have a third boyfriend named Logan Picani. Logan lives with his brother on their parent's farm and is one of those people who've been preparing for the apocalypse for months.

-Dorian reveals Logan's existence before revealing that he and Remus are dating, he basically says 'yeah my other boyfriend lives on a farm its amazing for long term survival against zombies' (but he says it fancier than that)

-Virgil (he's met Dorian before) and Patton's reactions are basically:

Patton: other boyfriend?

Virgil: you're fucking a farmer?

-That almost starts a conversation where tiny Remy asks what fucking is and Remus (who is now holding Roman and will not let go) can not stop laughing

-Patton looks just about ready to choke Virgil and NOT in the kinky way. He doesn't though he's sweet like that

-Anyway Remus and Dorian drove a van here (it's the one Logan's family used to use to transport stuff to sell (it's just him and his brother Emile left though)) so they just about manage to stuff all of them plus as much rations as possible inside

-They make it to the farm and it's got like metal fences and a big gate and yeah Logan's 100% be preparing for the apocalypse for years

-But it wasn't just the whole 'paranoid scientist' (oh yeah he's a scientist) thing, he's actually been hearing of scientists trying to resurrect the dead for a while now and it was going weirdly and he didn't like the sound of that so he was preparing

-The farm has chickens, sheep, horses and bees as well as vegetables and a pond and stuff it used to have a ton of farm hands but like they all left to find their families so it was just Logan, Emile (Logan's brother) and Logan's boyfriends (Dorian and Remus ofc) tending the farm since the apocalypse

-Also Logan's been stockpiling a ton of books with information needed to do all kinds of useful things

-Basically they all make it to the farm and it's all happy and they're safe and they can actually raise the kids properly with a good food and water supply. They set up a makeshift schooling system (Logan has so many books and they go back for the rest of the daycare stuff at some point and they raid so many librarys)

-What I'm saying is that they live happily ever after despite the tragedy that is the zombie apocalypse

-I mean if people don't automatically turn into zombies after death then the zombies will eventually rot away and die and it'll be just humans left and it'll be all good

-And I suppose you could make this angsty and add some bad shit happening but I'm not gonna for once lol

[punkscowardschampions]

Ava & James

Ava: Frank needs a long walk if you guys are free Ava: He's got the Sunday blues James: well in that case, purely for his sake, of course Ava: I've fully cute baby come onto you and it's worked Ava: 😈 IOU some 🐶 treats James: you've got really long eyelashes, irresistibly so Ava: ☺️ Ava: You're irresistible in so many ways Ava: I'll count them James: out loud? Ava: Quietly out loud, anyway Ava: don't need to interrupt my parent's breakfast James: they're actually there? I was beginning to wonder if they genuinely exist Ava: 😏 Ava: surely you saw them once before James: I don't remember them ever being in my line of sight or hearing Ava: How funny Ava: Guess Buster was pretty sneaky Ava: or should we say, good at time management, that's the polished version of that James: you're very good at time management yourself Ava: True Ava: I'll take that as a compliment and ignore the unwanted parallel James: it was intended purely as one, we wouldn't have lasted this long had you not been Ava: I can be the sneakiest bitch if needs be, I don't care James: tempting as it would be for me to immediately insist that we test that out, I don't think we have to James: she definitely will have received the divorce application by now & she still hasn't come back James: or called, or messaged James: it's looking less like any of us can label this a holiday Ava: Wow Ava: How are you feeling? James: I don't know, it won't sink in, whenever my phone goes I assume it'll be her Ava: Of course Ava: It's been your life for so long now, and it's been so Ava: well Ava: for it to just be seemingly over, so unceremoniously James: she could walk through the door any time with a suitcase & a tan though, I'm well aware of that Ava: Has she stayed away this long before? Ava: Without contact James: she typically loves to tell me every detail of what she's doing when she's at her parents' villa, so no Ava: That's a good sign Ava: even if she does come back Ava: you've still filed for divorce, she can't ignore it James: I just feel like James: if it was this 'easy', why didn't I do it before? Ava: because it wasn't before Ava: you didn't have the tools then and she had more control Ava: what's important is you've done it now James: because she's right about me Ava: No Ava: she isn't right about anything Ava: least of all you Ava: she didn't ever take time to know you, how could she be James: because it's all there in everything I've done & not done, I haven't behaved like a responsible adult or someone will any backbone whatsoever James: I've let them all down, her included James: what kind of person marries someone they don't love? Ava: Someone trying to do the right thing Ava: What about all the things you have done? Ava: and not the things you're talking about, all the good, the showing up and being there, for them all James: that's the least I could do, isn't it? Ava: No one else did it Ava: it was you, James James: I know that but Ava: but do you Ava: she's admitted as much, even if she was doing it to be cruel Ava: she picked you for a reason Ava: you're a good person, that's all you've ever tried to be James: I'm the kind of person that's susceptible to her bullshit, a damaged person, a weak one James: it was good for her but it doesn't mean that I am Ava: being weak and damaged doesn't negate you being a good person Ava: just like her abusing that in you doesn't mean she's exempt from being a shitty person just because she's fucked up herself Ava: who isn't Ava: you've been trying, that's the difference Ava: and now you've done it Ava: despite years of being ground down Ava: that's not weak James: why do you love me, Ava? James: what do you even see? Ava: I see Ava: so much Ava: how considerate you are and kind, without even realizing or having to think about it Ava: and you're sharp and funny Ava: you're interesting, I could talk to you all day, about anything Ava: and you are a good person, you just are, I could tell that immediately James: I don't have to think about being kind to you, I want to James: & to be someone that you want to talk to all day, who makes you laugh & smile & who you can say anything to Ava: You are, you just are Ava: you don't have to try, not just because you want those things, you can't help but be those things Ava: I can't help but love you, though I want to too James: I can't help but love you either James: so I don't think we should try & do anything else James: I think we should do this properly now Ava: I can be your girlfriend? James: I want you to, whether she comes back or not James: because I love you, whatever else happens James: I'm in love with you Ava: I love you too Ava: of course I want that too, of course Ava: whatever happens James: I'll talk to your parents with you if you think it'll help James: or I'll continue having never seen their faces, whatever you want Ava: I'll talk to them alone first Ava: but I don't wanna hide you, need to Ava: there's no objection they can have that'll make me want to James: I can't make you the same promise, as much as Teddy had no objection when I initially broached the subject of meeting someone else once I'd finished the application, he's likely to feel different when he finds out it's you James: but even if we did technically need to hide, I don't want to & I won't Ava: Understandable Ava: I'm under no illusion my family will be thrilled but they'll have to get used to it James: as long as we don't also immediately announce an engagement or pregnancy, my parents will be fairly understanding, I'm sure Ava: Pretty much same Ava: It isn't like I'm making myself step-mother Ava: I'll assure them of that James: but I have no idea what I'm supposed to assure Jay of, she genuinely believes Chloé is on holiday right now Ava: The truth Ava: even if it's complicated, or there's parts you're unsure of, it's still the best policy Ava: you can't assure her she won't come back, no Ava: but your truth is that you've ended things and you want to look after them and you will Ava: and right now, it looks like Chloé doesn't want to share but maybe one day that will be a thing Ava: you don't owe Chloé anything, covering the potential hurt that might cause, definite confusion because Jay is so young Ava: but you owe yourself and her the truth of it, and she'll appreciate that, know she can always trust you James: you're right, of course you are James: I'm still trying to protect her, aren't I? She's not even here & I can't stop myself from covering for her Ava: and the kids too, but that's the most understandable instinct Ava: but I think long-term, hell, even short Ava: you can't lie to them, they know Ava: it's worse having this thing you don't talk about, aren't told about James: I know James: I can't remember my mum having a conversation with me about a single thing, not even the weather, my dad talks & she nods Ava: You don't wanna be that Ava: and you aren't James: I think we should move, not literally on this Sunday morning, I've not lost my mind completely Ava: A new place, a fresh start Ava: makes sense to me James: I want Jay to know it's different this time, real & definite Ava: That's a good idea James: the other side of the river maybe Ava: A real move Ava: I think go for it Ava: Whilst they're still young, it's not a huge upheaval, there aren't friends to be left behind really or any of that James: I'll be further away from you though Ava: I can get the tube Ava: anyway, I'm going into my last year, so I'll be moving too after that James: oh right, I didn't even think of that Ava: Don't you wanna know where my first choice is? James: do I, or will I be devastated? Ava: Goldsmiths James: Ava Ava: I told you my top three were in London, I ain't lying, like Ava: Great 🧠s maybe James: so you know what I need to ask, what I am asking Ava: It's best you still do Ava: just incase James: when did you decide what your 1st choice was, because if it was now, it shouldn't be James: not because of me Ava: It wasn't Ava: It was my first choice before I came to see King's Ava: and that didn't change that James: okay, good Ava: I promise Ava: I wouldn't do that Ava: if my first choice was on the moon, I'd still go and I'd still try to make it work with you James: I believe you James: I just had to say it, because that's not the kind of boyfriend I want to be James: one who holds you back from things Ava: You aren't Ava: I might not get in Ava: and that's still over a year away Ava: we don't need to rush anymore, we can just be normal Ava: as normal as anyone is James: you'll get in, we both know that James: & I'll be really happy for you Ava: 😊 Ava: I do hope so Ava: and it can be okay that that's for potentially more reason than one, can't it Ava: not a crime James: yes, it can be more than okay Ava: Good James: [actually adds her on socials because he can] Ava: Oh, hey Ava: you're cute James: that profile picture is James: when did you change it? Ava: a while ago Ava: you gotta catch up Ava: 😘 James: tell me truthfully while I do, am I the reason the relationship status 'it's complicated' exists? 🤔 Ava: Well, that's embarrassing Ava: that's about my OTHER secret relationship 😬🙄 Ava: You fool 😏 James: 😂 James: what's he/she like? Ava: Pretty special Ava: might be serious James: oh really? Ava: Yeah Ava: so I'm gonna be pretty busy now, don't think I'll have time to see you James: far too busy too walk your dog assumedly, I suppose I can do it for you, if only to show there's no hard feelings Ava: I don't even like being fake mean to you Ava: 🥺 James: I really want to kiss you every time you 🥺 Ava: Come for a walk with me and maybe you can Ava: at least kiss me goodbye at the end James: when Jay's distracted kissing Frank goodbye Ava: 😂 exactly Ava: though the way he slobbers is distracting James: he's good with her though, that aside Ava: He's a good boy Ava: he can't help being a bad kisser Ava: you could teach him, if you like James: if theory, yes, but in practice I'm not sure I'm ready to commit to what that would actually involve James: tell him it's nothing personal, but I don't want to kiss anyone but you Ava: 🥰 Ava: that makes my heart happy so I will break the news to him gently James: thank you Ava: 💙 You're the best Ava: Can I change my relationship status then? James: like you said, I've got lots of catching up to do James: of course you can Ava: [does] James: [imagine all the comments like with WHOMST cos she can't put who with obvs since he can't cancel his so it's just in a relationship] Ava: [jump in that inbox everyone lmao, that's how you could start a Nancy convo like oh you ain't ready] James: [that's a good idea tbh]