#Hope your sisters & kids get assaulted and raped like you did to me & then you can defend their rapists

[bi-lavelent]

Lone Wolf (Quinn Fabray x Fem-reader part 9)

Warning: Fluff, Angst, Bullying, Cussing, Homophobia, Sexual Assault, Rape, Smut

I walked into the school. I saw Rachel and walked over to her.

“Hey do you know where Finn is?” I asked her

“No, I actually don’t.” She said

I saw my sister (Hope) and Santana talking to each other and I walked over to them.

“Hay do either of you guys know where Finn is ?” I asked

“No the last time I saw him he was holding Quinn in his arms after you and Puck fucked up her life.” Hope said

“I didn’t fuck up her life. Puck did I told sue to keep her on the team and when she took Quinn of the Cheerios; because, she thought the dude she went on one date wanted them to be exclusive and then walked in on the dude making out with the person he works with. It pissed her off and took it out on everyone and I yelled at her and have gone against her. I’m just looking for Finn because okay when I was pregnant. Money was a big issue so I have more than enough money for Quinn but she won’t talk to me so I will give it to Finn and make him the hero.” I said

“God your to nice.” Hope said

“I agree” Santana said

“Okay well I will catch up with you all later I’m gonna find Finn” I said

I finally found Finn leaving Cheerio practice that afternoon. I didn’t realize that Santana,Hope and Brittany were near by listening in on the convo.

“Hey, Finn” I said

“Hello, What do you want?” He asked

“I just wanted to give you this. Give it to Quinn from you she’ll really appreciate it.” I said

“What is it?” He asked

“It’s 14,000$ in cash.” I said

“How did you get this is dirty money.” He asked

“No Finn it the money that I have been saving since I was 8 to leave Lima. You and Quinn need it more than me. I still got this year and next year to find a way to leave Lima. You guys need this money right now. You guys and your family don’t deserve to go into debt over a mistake that you guys made. Your still kids.” I said

“Thank you Y/N, You know I don’t understand why everyone in Glee dose not like you.” He said

“What?” I asked

“Nothing forget I said anything.” He said

I handed him the packet and walked away everyone in Glee dose not like me. That made since as to why they were talking bad about me the other day.

That day in Glee club. We were all sitting around everyone was talking and I was doing my favorite thing listening. I just with that I usually had popcorn but Glee gossip was boring. Then Mr.Schue came in

“Alright guys we’re doing a new number for sectionals. I know that pop songs have sort of been our signature pieces but I did a little research on past winners and it turns out that judges like songs that are more accessible stuff that they know uh standards, broadway.” Mr. Schue said as he passed out papers

“Defying gravity I have an iPod shuffle dedicated to exclusively selections from Wicked this is amazing.” Kurt said

“Do you think you can handle it Rachel?” Mr.Schue asked

“It’s my go to shower song and my ringtone.” Rachel said

“Why do we have to go all vanilla on this song see what we need is my chocolate thunder.” Mercedes said

“Look don’t have time to re-arrange a song for you Mercedes Rachel is singing it. Don’t worry will find something for you to dip in chocolate.” Mr.Schue said

“Oh on item two the school won’t pay for the special bus we need to take Artie with us in his wheelchair to sectionals”

“W W W W what”

“That completely unfair”

“Doesn’t that count as a form of discrimination that will get hundred of government funded organizations on this school’s ass in hopes of shutting them down. Like ADA. The us goverment has laws stating the following Article 7 page 15 section 2 paragraph 1of the American Disability Administration A school May not refuse to allow a person with a disability to participate in a service, program, or activity simply because the person has a disability. A school Must provide programs and services in an integrated setting, unless separate or different measures are necessary to ensure equal opportunity. A school Must eliminate unnecessary eligibility standards or rules that deny individuals with disabilities an equal opportunity to enjoy their services, programs or activities unless “necessary” for the provisions of the service, program or activity. Schools Are required to make reasonable modifications in policies, practices, and procedures that deny equal access to individuals with disabilities, unless a fundamental alteration in the program would result. A school Must furnish auxiliary aids and services when necessary to ensure effective communication, unless an undue burden or fundamental alteration would result. A school May provide special benefits, beyond those required by the regulation, to individuals with disabilities. A school May not place special charges on individuals with disabilities to cover the costs of measures necessary to ensure nondiscriminatory treatment, such as making modifications required to provide program accessibility or providing qualified interpreters. A school Shall operate their programs so that, when viewed in their entirety, they are readily accessible to and usable by individuals with disabilities.” I said

“I’m sorry how do you know this?” Mr.Schue asked

“What I wanted to be a powerful politician when I was younger. It was my dream job so I memorized a lot of laws. It was like music to Rachel.” I said

“Okay well as fun as it would be to test your knowledge. Unless you can get ahold of the government and get them to come here.” Mr.Schue said

“Actually they have their Ohio office right outside Lima. There main building in Ohio were you would go to file a complaint against a company or a person or whoever is located in Columbus.” Artie said

“Okay well that is 3 hours away.” Mr.Schue said

“I will totally go there after school. I’m staying at a hotel in Columbus anyway.” I said

“Wait why are you staying in a hotel.” Mr.Schue asked

“Because she got into a fight with our mom and got kicked out of the house.”” Hope said

“Nice going yes my mom kicked me out of the house and yes I’ve been living in hotels. No Puck I haven’t hired any hookers or prostitues.” I said

“How’d did you know I was going to ask that? How’s she know I was going to ask that.” Puck asked

“Because you are extremely predictable.” I said

“Anyway your living in hotels” Mercedes said

“Yes I don’t really have anywhere else to go. My mom got mad because I brought her to rehab to hopefully get clean. My dad is always working. But know that my moms back from rehab the second she got home she had found it was me who sent her and she went ballistic.i don’t know if she’s been drinking when I got home three weeks ago I walked in and all my stuff was in bag and boxes and my clothes were in suitcases. So I have been staying wherever I can. Some time I just sleep in my car.” I said

“Y/N do you need some support you know that Mrs.Pillsbury can help you.” Mr.Schue said

“No I am fine I would have gotten kicked out this summer when I turned 18 anyway. It’s not a big deal.” I said

“Yes it is” Mr.Schue said

Everyone agreed except for Rachel

“Can we get back to Arties problem and the song and stop focusing on Y/n’s pathetic life.” She said

I just stayed quiet as Mr.Schue and everyone looked at me.

“Okay let’s finish this up” Mr.Schue said

“So if the thing that Y/N suggested doesn't work will have to raise money to pay for it ourselves.” Mr. Schue said “See when I was in Glee club and we need money for regionals we did a bake sale.”

“Your joking right bake sales are kind of bouje.” Santana said

“so people stopped eating delicious sugary treats.” “It’s not that it’s that most of us don’t know how to bake. I find recipes confusing.” Brittnay said

“You find everything confusing” Puck said

“Shut it Puck you find breathing confusing” I said

“Yeah you find walking to class confusing” Santana said

“My family is fully committed to take out.” Rachel said

“Yeah Mr.Schue things are different than when you went here we got homework and football and teen pregnancy and lunch.” Finn said

“Can’t Arties dad just take him.” Mercedes asked

“ I can’t believe how insensitive you are all being are you a team.” Mr.Schue said

“Ofcourse but Artie understands don’t you?” Quinn asked

I knew that it was finally time to speak up

“You know what you all shut up Mr.Schue don’t act like you are not insensitive to. Maybe this is just who you all are you guys make me feel like shit every day including Artie. Do you wanna know why I was on sues team I didn’t make since well I have autism okay and I’m tired of all of you guys taking about how we are lower than the special Ed kids on the popularity pyramid or we looked like we stepped off the short bus. You all make me feel worthless and like shit everyday. Okay I can make you feel the same way make me and Artie feel. Rachel you have made out with Finn twice and gave him a boner in the auditorium before the Cheerios even joined Glee right and they you told Rachel in the hallway you don’t know who you love same thing you told Mr.Schue wife.” I said

“Okay that enough” Finn said

“Oh really another thing Finn you think it’s okay to call people Fags. I heard you call Kurt one the other day in the hallway. Most of you think that calling him or anyone else in the school that is okay to do well that me tell you something Kurt might not fight back but guess what this LESBIAN right here will and I can beat the shit out of all of you.” I said

“Y/N stop we get that your going the a lot but you’ve crossed a line. So stop or your gonna be kicked out” Mr.Schue said

“Schue don’t get me started your wife yeah the one carrying your child. She really isn’t pregnant she had a hysterical pregnancy and is wearing a fake bump and is trying to buy babies to keep you from knowing the truth. If you don’t believe me ask Quinn she told her that she’d give her the kid but done blame her she’s a scared child your wife is physcopath and also Mrs.Pillsbury like you and you clearly like her so before she gets married to the coach leave you pathetic wife and get a semi normal person.” I said

“Y/N stop you can’t act like this at school.” Hope said

“Oh I’m sure everyone will love to know why the Cheerios are actually here. If I’m not wrong you’re here to end Glee. On sues orders. Right well maybe you’ll think about what you’re saying before making people feel like shit again. Also I’ll drop the 600$ off in Figgins office for the bus you’ll all need Artie if I’m not there.” I said as I got up and exited the room leaving everyone yelling at each other. For the news I just spilled.

As I made it out to my car. I started to break down and Cry. I finally stopped when I heard a banging on the door I was expecting to see someone from Glee to yell at me probably Quinn I had come after her the hardest. Which hurt to do but everything was true. As I looked up I saw Santana

“Let me in” She said

“Fine” I said as I unlocked the doors the second she sat down I relocked the doors. “Well that was one way to try to end Glee club. With the truth.” Santana said

“That wasn’t my plan I didn’t want to destroy Glee club anymore I wanted to make Sue pay for kicking Quinn off the team. I just couldn’t take it anymore and then I ended up hurting Quinn more than Sue did.” I said

“Look I texted my parents asking if you could come live with us they said yes and I really think that you’re gonna need some people after you went off on all of them.” Santana said

“Can you drive?” I asked

“If I’m with someone over 18” I’m close enough

“What if we get arrested.” She asked

“The only person who’s out around this time is the sheriff and I use to sleep with her I was underage and she’s married so I think will be fine.” I said

“K where are we going.” Santana asked

“Your house I need somewhere to drop all of this stuff off.” I said “ and if you don’t mind helping me receive the other stuff from the hotel tonight that would be great.”

“I totally don’t mind.” Santana said

On the way to Santanas house I got a ton of angry messages from everybody in Glee. Some of the really affected me the one Artie sent: You made me feel like shit when you made my problem your problem twice. Thanks for nothing. And my sister sent: You made my life a living hell everyone made at me because I’m related to you and I’m the closest thing to you. Furthermore Matt’s made at me and won’t even talk to me thanks for nothing loser. Santana saw how much this affected me and grabbed my hand to comfort me. Almost driving us off the road.

“Eyes on the road babygirl” I said

“What did you call me?” Santana asked

“Babygirl.” I said

“Why did you call me that.” She asked

“That’s what I call people who I let get close. Which I rarely ever do consider yourself lucky.” I said

As she drove to her house I looked at her. She actually didn’t care about what I had said in the Glee room she was willing to take me in. She made me feel not horrible about lashing out. Somehow she understood me.

“We’re here, my parents don’t get home till tomorrow morning there on vacation.” Santana said

“Thank you. You know you’re not as bitchy as you let people believe.” I said

“Well we will drop your stuff in my room for now. My mom’s gonna clean out the other room tomorrow.” Santana said

She helped me carry everything into her room.

“Wow this is not what I thought your room would look like.” I said

“What did you think it would look like ?” Santana asked

“I don’t know I thought that it would look all happy and have bright colors and Pom Poms everywhere.” I said

“Is me being a Cheerio all you know about me ?” She asked

“No I know that you are in Glee, Your a good singer and Your Latina.” I said

“Well I guess we’re both gonna find out a lot about each other.” Santana said

“Hey, put on something nice I want to take you to a nice restaurant in Columbus for being so nice.” I said

“You don’t have too.” Santana said

“Yes I do you deserve it after years of eating at Breadstix. You deserve someone to take you somewhere fancy.” I said

“Well you go get dressed and I will organize these boxes so that we can have a place to put the other and we can have somewhere to sleep tonight.” Santana said

I walked out the room and went to her bathroom and put on clothes that were in my suitcase that I had in the car. Luckily I had some nice clothes in the bag.

I walked out and went to sit on the bed.

“Oh my god.” Santana said

“What do I look bad?” I asked

“No not at all you actually look really hot.” Santana said

“The Santana Lopez think that I am hot ?” I asked

“Shut up” Santana said

“Now get out of that Cheerio outfit.” I said

“What do you not think that I look good in it cause I’m pretty sure you stare at the Cheerios as we practice.” Santana said walking towards me

“I’m watching my sister.” I said

“Oh sure you are is that why you’re blushing well watching us.” Santana said

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I said

“Okay sure you don’t. Do you have any water?” Santana asked

“Oh sure the pocket of my backpack.” I said

She grabbed one of my water bottles and took a drink.

“Not that one.” I said

“Jesus why do you have a water bottle with straight vodka.” Santana said

“You think that I can make it through school sober.” I said

“Yeah most kids do.” Santana said

“Okay we’ll give me my Vodka. There’s two other water bottles in there. If you want some.” I said

“Wait I’m not gonna drive with you well you’re drunk.” Santana said

“Do worry I have only taken two sips today okay. You probably drank more than me.” I said

“Well I thought it was water.” Santana said

“How about you go get ready unless you want to spend the night in the hotel room.” I said

“Is there a couch” she asked

“There’s a fold out chair” I said

“Well what if I did want to spend the night in the hotel room.” Santana said

“Go get changed” I said

“Not until you admit that I look hot in my Cheerio outfit.” Santana said

“Not answering that.” I said

“Why is it illegal for you to call me hot?” Santana said

“No im 17” I said

“Okay I’m still not changing until you tell me.” Santana said

“Okay fine you look decent in your Cheerio outfit but you looked really hot in that country outfit for Glee.” I said

“Oh is that why you were looking at me licking your lips.” Santana said

As she ran into her bathroom with her clothes to get dressed after 30 minutes she came out look as gorgeous as ever.

“Why do you still talk to me everybody hates me after today?” I said

“Because you’re a good person.” Santana said

“Well why do you still flirt with me? I mean I pretty much screamed myself out of the closet today.” I said

“Maybe because I understand you. How did you know?” Santana asked

“Know what?” I asked steeping closer to her

“How did you know that you liked women?” Santana asked

“Oh well I guess that I always knew. Atleast after puberty. I couldn’t watch a movie without there being a hot woman. But in reality I thought that I was straight for a long time. Then I developed a celebrity crush on Scarlett Johansson. I thought that I was Bisexual and leaned more towards men. Then atleast a year after that I realized that I was Bi and it was even. But my eighth grade year I realized that I leaned towards liking women more. In high school I got a boyfriend who knocked me up but the sex with him never felt right. I felt uncomfortable. Then sophomore year I slept with a girl and everything just slid into place i didn’t feel uncomfortable at all. Why do you ask?” I asked

“Well there’s a couple of girls at school that I think that I could see myself dating but I don’t know what that means.” Santana said

“Well if it helps women are better than men.” I said

“Shut up” Santana said

“I’m not joking you clearly have already fucked a ton of dudes she should try out a woman. It’s like you master bating but you don’t have to do any work or they can give you head which is like a female BJ or Scissoring which is when you just rub up against each other.” I said

“Maybe you’ll have to show me sometime.” Santana said

“Oh you’ve crossed a line.” I said

“Maybe that was a line that I wanted to cross.” Santana said walking towards me

“You don’t want me” I said pushing her away

“Why not it’s clearly we are both attracted to each other.” Santana said

“You’ll get kicked off the Cheerios if you sleep with me let alone secretly date me. If Sue even finds out that we had this conversation.” I said

“She loves you she acts like your her child.” Santana said

“I’m done with her bullshit you’ve only know her for two years so you might not hat her yet.” I said before getting cut off I sat on the bed

“I have hated her since the day I met her.” Santana said sitting next to me “Why were you so close to her in the first place?”

“Sue found me breaking down when I found out that I had Autism my freshman year. She is protective of me. But she treats everyone else like shit and I got tired of it after a while. What she did to Quinn was just a final straw. Which I know was something against Quinn because she wanted me to be on the Cheerios even when I was pregnant.” I said

“Why would she kick me off if she liked you so much?” Santana said

“Because I promised that I would destroy her. If she finds out I am staying here she will either delete you off the Cheerios or have you go after me and you're right I think you’re hot. I like you and I can’t afford to lose you too.” I said as I looked at her

“Shut up” Santana said as she kissed me

As she put her lips on mine and her tongue ran over my lips looking for an entrance I opened my mouth to allow her access.

“Maybe this dinner could be a date. Nobody we know will be near by.” Santana said

“Maybe I would like that. There is just one issue.” I said

“And that is?” Santana asked

“That our reservation is in at 6:00 and it is currently 4:50 and it’s an hour and 30 minutes away.” I said

“Well then we better head down.” Santana said

As we both headed down to the car she went over to the passenger side and I opened the door for her. I went over to my side and got in.

“Do you want to listen to music?” I asked

“Sure” Santana said

As I scrolled through the stations as speeding down the streets.

“stop I love this song” Santana said

As Will Smiths Parents Just Don’t Understand

Me

Santana

Both

You know parents are the same No matter time nor place They don't understand that us kids Are going to make some mistakes So to you, all the kids all across the land There's no need to argue Parents just don't understand

I remember one year My mom took me school shopping It was me, my brother, my mom, oh, my pop, and my little sister All hopped in the car We headed downtown to the Gallery Mall MY mom started bugging with the clothes she chose I didn't say nothing at first I just turned up my nose She said, "What's wrong? This shirt cost $20" I said, "Mom, this shirt is plaid with a butterfly collar!" The next half hour was the same old thing My mother buying me clothes from 1963 And then she lost her mind and did the ultimate I asked her for Adidas and she bought me Zips! I said, "Mom, what are you doing, you're ruining my rep" She said, "You're only sixteen, you don't have a rep yet" I said, "Mom, let's put these clothes back, please" She said "no, you go to school to learn not for a fashion show" I said, "This isn't Sha Na Na, come on Mom, I'm not Bowzer Mom, please put back the bell-bottom Brady Bunch trousers But if you don't want to I can live with that but You gotta put back the double-knit reversible slacks" She wasn't moved - everything stayed the same Inevitably the first day of school came I thought I could get over, I tried to play sick But my mom said, "No, no way, uh-uh, forget it" There was nothing I could do, I tried to relax I got dressed up in those ancient artifacts And when I walked into school, it was just as I thought The kids were cracking up laughing at the clothes Mom bought And those who weren't laughing still had a ball Because they were pointing and whispering As I walked down the hall I got home and told my Mom how my day went She said, "If they were laughing you don't need the, "Cause they're not good friends" For the next six hours I tried to explain to my Mom That I was gonna have to go through this about 200 more times So to you all the kids all across the land There's no need to argue Parents just don't understand

OK, here's the situation My parents went away on a week's vacation and They left the keys to the brand new Porsche Would they mind? Umm, well, of course not I'll just take it for a little spin And maybe show it off to a couple of friends I'll just cruise it around the neighborhood Well, maybe I shouldn't Yeah, of course I should Pay attention, here's the thick of the plot I pulled up to the corner at the end of my block That's when I saw this beautiful girlie girl walking I picked up my car phone to perpetrate like I was talking You should've seen this girl's bodily dimensions I honked my horn just to get her attention She said, "Was that for me?" I said, "Yeah" She said, "Why?" I said, "Come on and take a ride with a helluva guy" She said, "How do I know you're not sick? You could be some deranged lunatic" I said, "see 'mon toots, my name is the Prince Beside, would a lunatic have a Porsche like this?" She agreed and we were on our way She was looking very good and so was I, I must say - word We hit McDonald's, pulled into the drive We ordered two Big Macs and two large fries with Cokes She kicked her shoes off onto the floor She said, "Drive fast, speed turns me on" She put her hand on my knee, I put my foot on the gas (She did the movements as the song said) We almost got whiplash, I took off so fast The sun roof was open , the music was high And this girl's hand was steadily moving up my thigh She had opened up three buttons on her shirt so far I guess that's why I didn't notice that police car We're doing ninety in my Mom's new Porsche And to make this long story short - short When the cop pulled me over I was scared as hell I said, "I don't have a license but I drive very well, officer" I almost had a heart attack that day Come to find out the girl was a twelve-year-old runaway I was arrested, the car was impounded There was no way for me to avoid being grounded My parents had to come off from vacation to get me I'd rather be in jail than to have my father hit me My parents walked in I got my grip, I said, "Ah, Mom, Dad, how was your trip?" They didn't speak I said, "I want to plead my case" But my father just shoved me in the car by my face That was a hard ride home, I don't know how I survived They took turns - One would beat me while the other one was driving I can't believe it, I just made a mistake Well parents are the same no matter time nor place So to you all the kids all across the land Take it form me Parents just don't understand

“Damn we sound good together.” Santana said

“Mhm.” I said

“What did I make you flustered.” Santana said

As I recomposed myself I said “You always make me flustered.”

“Good I like having control over you.” Santana said

“You know what maybe we could skip dinner.” I said

“No waiting will make it better trust me I’m feeling the same way as you right now.” Santana said

“No we’re not because I know that tonight is gonna be the best night of your life.” I said

“Oh it can’t be that much better than men.” Santana said

“Oh you’re in for a strong change in opinions.” I said

“You better live up to the standards.” Santana said

“Too bad I can’t.” I said

“Why ?” Santana said

“Because you’re gonna need to walk tomorrow for school.” I said

“Well damn. Maybe we should do it this Friday then and we just take it slow that would make me more comfortable.” Santana said

“Whatever makes you comfortable. This isn’t about me this is about you.” I said

“Damn this is different than men.” Santana said

As we pulled into the restaurant parking lot

“Hello I have reservation for Y/L/N” I said

“For two?” The hostess asked

“Yes mam” I said

“Right this way” she said

“So tell me something about you.” I said

“I’m from America.” Santana said laughing

“Oh you don’t say. I guessed that you were from Ohio.” I said throwing bread at her.

“You know how many people just expect that I am from Mexico.” Santana said

“So racist if I were you I would beat the shit out of them.” I said

“Actually I go all Lima heights on there ass.” Santana said

“Damn that must be hot.” I Said

“What’s it like being a senior ?” Santana asked

“It sucks especially because I have to come back next year.” I said

“You do?” Santana asked

“Yeah I’m missing to many credits.” I said

“Well maybe you should go to class. You have no problem making it to every Glee practice or every Cheerio practice.” Santana said

”what can I get for you both.” The waiter asked

“I’ll do the lobster and your moctail of the day.” I said

“Yes mam and for you lovely lady.” The waiter asked

“I will also have the lobster and I will take a Water.” Santana said

“So back to what we were talking about maybe it’s easier to attend things when you get to secretly stare at people you like.” I said

“Yeah well maybe we could get some classes together next year if you fail another one of your junior classes.” Santana said

“What if we don’t like each other next year.” I said

“Look even if we don’t workout will still be friends.” Santana said

“Follow my lead.” I said

“What?” Santana said

As Sue came over and stood in front of our table

“What are you two doing here together.” Sue asked

“Glee project. Schue is having us sing in pairs songs that describe different Ohio towns. We got Columbus.” I said

“So I suggested we come down here after Glee and explore to see what song would work.” Santana said

“Oh well what have you found.” She asked

“We were thinking Wide Open Spaces by Emily Ann Roberts , I’ll Find My Way Home by Jon and Vangelis or Y/N suggestion of the Michigan anthem.” Santana said

“Those sound like great choices but I didn’t really even care.” Sue said walking away

“Bye Sue” I said

Soon our food came we ate and we’re waiting for the bill when the waiter came over.

“Hello I am gonna give this to your mom if that’s okay.” The waiter said looking at Santana he handed it to me and walked away

“Did he just say I was your mom.” I said opening the bill “Wow apparently they have discounted us for a single mom with her kid.”

As I left cash on the table

“Well then let’s go mom. I have school tomorrow.” Santana said linking arms with me and waking to the car laughing

“Well I guess that’s my new nickname for you.” Santana said

“You know that will totally work actually work nobody will know any better especially if you say it as snarky as you say everyone else’s nickname especially Rachel. I am gonna miss it I am gonna miss singing with you guys.” I said

“Hey no they deserved it okay they were talking bad about Artie all I said was that a bake sale was old fashioned and you can’t tell me that it isn’t.” Santana said

“You’re right it is. That’s why we’re gonna run by the bank so that I can get some money.” I said

“You’re not even part of the group anymore.” Santana said

“I know I just also want to help.” I said

As we drove through the banks entrance I left and walked inside to get the 600$. I came back out and sat down in the car.

“Give this to Schue tomorrow pls. I will meet you outside and drive you home if that’s okay.” I said

“That’s perfect know let’s come up with a nickname for me.” Santana said

“I have one It would just tell others that we are dating because it one of the only good one I have besides Mercedes who I call the chocolate angle.” I said

“What is it?” Santana asked as she grabbed my hand

“Latina goddess” I said

“Damn why do I like that. It makes me feel hot and sexy.” Santana said

“You are hot and sexy.” I said

“Oh I know.” Santana said

5 minutes later we pulled into the parking lot of the hotel. We both got out of the car and headed inside and into the elevator and up to the room.

“I know I said that we should take it slow but I really need your lips on mine.” Santana said

“Yes my Latina Goddess.” I said as we attached our lips to each other we made out until early hours of the morning. Until I rolled over.

“Wow” I said

“Yeah Wow” Santana said

“That was…” I said

“Amazing.” Santana said “Even if it was just making out that was incredible.”

“See I told you that woman were better at everything.” I said

“Maybe I’m starting to believe you but we might need to do it for a little longer.” Santana said

“No you have school in 6 hours and we need to wake up in 5” I said

“We could just not go to school and I can say I’m sick.” Santana said

“No because I’m not gonna get introuble for being a bad influence on you. Also you’re not sick.” I said

“Okay Mom” Santana said

“Wow that nickname isn’t as hot and adorable as it was earlier.” I said

“We do need to go to sleep.” Santana said

I got four hours of sleep and then I woke up the next morning with my hand holding Santanas hand and her head on my chest. I carefully moved her and got on some clothes and brought the boxes downstairs and put them in the car. Then I went into the lobby for the free breakfast. As I sat down at a table and drank some coffee and ate some toast and eggs. I grabbed some coffee and Cereal and brought it back up to Santana.

“Hey Latina Goddess it’s time to get up.” I said

“Good morning hey can you not look at me I don’t look good.” Santana said

“What ever you want there’s coffee and cereal on the night stand but if we’re being fair this is the hottest I have ever seen you even hotter than the cowboy outfit.” I said

“Shut up no I’m not” Santana said

“There’s a reason I call you a goddess you definitely could give Aphrodite a run for her title.” I said

“I’m gonna go use the restroom.” Santana said

“Okay” I said

As Santana Changed in the restroom I decided to make sure that I had grabbed everything from the room. I also started working on some homework for Mr.Schue I didn’t want to get worse on his side than I already was after yesterday. So as I sat down and started working on my Spanish homework which included boot verbs and conjunctions as well as family members, I also had to write an essay about me and another person. I easily did the conjunction and boot verbs I did most of the family members only struggling on Son, Daughter the step family members, the half family members and cousins. I started working on the essay but was struggling I wasn’t sure how to say what I wanted I would usually ask my teacher for help but I doubt that Schue would help me. As I started at the page with my head resting in my hand. Santana came out and walked behind me she placed her hand on my shoulder.

“Hey, what are you doing?” Santana asked

“Spanish homework.” I said

“Do you need help from a hot Latina goddess.” Santana asked

“I wouldn’t mind. But we should probably get going soon so that we aren’t late to school.” I said

“You know we could jut lay in bed all day working on homework.” Santana said

“As nice as that sounds I need to go to school today. I signed up for a college tour through the school and we’re going today.” I said

“Oh we’re are you going?” Santana asked

“The university of Michigan.” I said

“What would you do there?” Santana asked

“I don’t know but we have the rest of this year and next year to figure that out and be friends or whatever this is.” I said

“Fair” she said moving my hair out of my face

“Let’s head down to the car?” I said

“Will you be back in time to pick me up after Glee?” Santana asked

“Yes I will I promise the school has to get us back before six o’clock. It’s a 2 hour drive there and a 2 hour drive back we have a 3 hour long tour. We are leaving at 7:20 A.M. so we will be back in time.” I said

“Well then we need to head down to the car.” Santana said

As we both headed down and got in the car. We were driving for at least 20 minutes.

“What re we you said whatever we are what are we.” Santana asked

“I don’t know I don’t care it’s whatever you are comfortable with. You’re the one who I still trying to figure things out and I respect what ever you choose.” I said

“Can I have time to decide.” Santana asked

“Of course you can.” I said

We continued to drive until we were five minutes away from the school.

“I can drop you off two blocks away like I do with my sister so that people don’t see you hanging out with a loser outside of Glee club.” I said

“You’re not a loser. You’re really cool everybody at school likes you you’re not popular but people like you.” Santana said

“Yeah but after yesterday everyone in the school knows that I am a lesbian and that I have autism. If the most excepting group at school bullied me what should I accept from the rest of them.” I said

“Fair but if anyone messes with you I will go all Lima heights on their ass.” Santana said

“As sexy as that sounds I hope that doesn’t have to happen.” I said

“Drop me off at the front door.” Santana said

“Are you sure?” I said

“Of course my popularity isn’t that fragile.” Santana said

“We’ll have a good day at school.” I said as I pulled in front of the school

“I’ll see you later if anything changes I will let you know.” Santana said

I dropped her off and went and parked my car in the senior lot. I stepped out of my car and headed towards the school I was going to the front office to meet with the other students that were going to look at the college. I went in and sat on one of the chairs waiting for the others. As the kids started piling in the room and was hoping that the bus would arrive soon. I kept my head down once I realized that the secrets I told about myself in Glee yesterday had spread around the school like wildfire. It wouldn’t have been that bad but Michigan was known for its sports so there was a ton of basketball players, football players and hockey players. There was also a couple of younger students freshman whose parents were forcing them to be there. It wouldn’t have been that bad I thought until I found out that most of them were in the Christian club at our school. I had already payed to go so I couldn’t back out I just had to keep my head down and not listen to them and the comments they were making. We soon got on the bus I headed towards the very back of the bus the single seat so that I could just get homework done. Soon enough we arrived to the college. We all were gonna take a tour of half the campus have a lunch and then take the other half of the tour. Lunch had arrived and I had go to wash my hands in the bathroom before lunch.

As I was washing my hands I was fixing my outfit cause even though I was wearing sweats and a Bennie it was still cold and so I kept tucking my sweatshirt in to try and stay warm.

Then six guys came out of the bathroom stalls. One of them went over to the door and locked it well taking out a camera and filming. I thought that they were going to bully me. “Hey Lesbo” One of the dudes said walking up to me and putting his hand on my ass

“I’m not interested.” I said

“Well you see we have a plan to change that.” Another guy said

“Yeah how about you just do what we say and then nobody gets hurt.” Another guy said

“What is it that you want me to do.” I said

“Take your clothes off.” The guy whose hand was on my ass said

“and if I say no.” I said

“We’ll do it for you.” The guy with his hand in my ass said as he slowly started to pull my pants and underwear down.

“You can’t scream either.” Another guy said as he slowly started taking off his own pants and boxers

I tried to run but got pushed down by the other four. Two of them grabbed my legs and held the down as the other two started to hold my hand down. Well the guy continued to walk around with his pants down. He slowly started to take off my shirt and Bra. Once he was done he took off all of his clothes. He dropped over me rubbing his dick all over my body finally bringing it up to my face.

“You see this? This is what goes inside a woman. Not tongue, Not fingers, this goes inside a women nothing else.” He said as he continued to stroke it in his hand “it was designed for the three holes on a woman the mouth” he said as his friends opened my mouth as he stuck it in. They soon let go of my lips and then pressed my checks together as he thrusted in and out till he finally cum in my mouth. He then walked over to the sink and put a condom on. “The asshole he said” As his friends dragged me over to the sink held me hands on the sink and my feet under the sink so that my ass would stick out. He had traded with one of his buddy’s who also got naked before I knew it they were all naked except the guy with the camera. They all stuck their dicks into my ass thrusting in and out until they cum into the condom. “And the pussy.” He said “wow you’re the driest woman I had ever seen.”

“Maybe that’s cause I don’t like dick.” I said

“Yeah well we’re gonna fuck you until you change your mind. We’re gonna fuck you until you no longer like women. We will get everyman on this visit if need be.” He said

the laid me down and held my feet in the air. As each of them individually put their dick in me. The first time I didn’t speak trying to decide what to do to get out of this situation.

“Fuck dude I need some lube.” The first dude said as he couldn’t get his dick in me

“Here man I got you.” His friend said handing him some lube

He used it and slowly slipped in me “You see we’re not stopping til we all make you orgasm.” He slowly thrusted knowing that it would take longer causing me to squirmed under him.

It wasn’t like I hadn’t had sex with a man before but this was different. Ideas popping in my head I could let them actually make me orgasm or I could fake it. By the time I had thought of the two ideas and was thinking of the possible outcomes he rolled over so I would be on top of him his hands still holding me down. “You see this way you can’t fake it. Will know if you orgasm.” He said thrusting harder

Knowing that there was nothing I could do I just decided to give in giving them what I wanted. It’s not like I hadn’t acted before hopefully I would be believable.

I put my game face on and decided on lines that I could use to fulfill his ego. I know that it would be easier to orgasm. If I thought of someone who I actually liked and to make myself believe that I was master bating. I thought of the people who first came to my mind Santana, Brittnay, Quinn. I thought of how I finally had gotten Santana in my arms last night. We decided to take it slow and to just make out but at some point hopefully it would be her under me. She seemed interested in it last night.

I closed my eyes and it finished in what felt like hours. They all got dressed as I laid on the ground naked. They started to punch me. On my stomach and arms and on my legs. The punched my face but only in places that could be easily hidden. So that they could get away. After they left I had crawled over to the corner of the room and grabbed my phone from my pants. It was almost 4:00 it was 3:40 I had missed the entirety of the lunch and rest of the tour. The thing is I really liked this school I had seen myself coming here and know all that I see is bad memories. I quickly got dressed and ran to the bus right before the doors closed. I sat in the front next to the teacher. The next two hours were tortures. I sat down and kept my head down I made sure that I was wearing the sunglasses that were in my purse so that nobody could see the bruises forming on my eyes.

When we got back to school we all got out of the bus and I went straight to my car and sat down waiting for Santana. I saw her come out an hour later with the Glee club kids and her and Brittnay came towards my car.

“Hey can you bring Brittnay home too we have an assignment we need to do.” Santana said

“Of course. How was your day?” I asked

“Good I had a test that I got an A on in Spanish.” Santana said

“Wow your saying someone whose family speaks Spanish got an a on his Spanish test.” I said

“Do you want help on your Spanish homework or not.” Santana said

“Yes sorry. My Latina Goddess.” I said

“Brittnay’s in the car mom.” Santana said

“Hey Brittnay anything interesting happening.” I asked

“I’m just trying to figure out my rights from my left because Santana had to help me.” Brittnay said

“Oh well that’s easy put your hands in front of you make two L’s the one that looks like L is the right one. You can also tell because your left hand has mole right under your knuckle.” I said

“Oh my god it dose thanks Y/n” Brittnay said

“No problem Britt.” I said

“Why did you have to help her ?” I asked Santana

“Lady Hummel made us take an oath that we wouldn’t vote for him just cause he’s popular.” Santana said

“Does he know what being popular is.” I said

“Exactly what’s I thought.” She said grabbing my hand and intertwined her fingers with mine

“Anything else ?” I asked

“Schue is having us all roll around in wheelchairs so we understand what Artie feels also he said thanks for the money.” Santana said

“Schue left his wife because of you.” Brittnay said

“Really. Wow I didn’t think my outburst would do that.” I said

“You told him his wife was lying to him about being pregnant and trying to buy his students baby.” Santana said

”Fair” I said

“Quinn won’t talk to us because Santana is living with you.” Brittnay said

“Really?” I asked

“Yes don’t worry about it though I rather you be safe then Quinn be happy.” Santana said

“Thanks” I said

“Did anything interesting happen at the tour.” Santana asked

Should I tell her what happened what would she say. We weren’t even technically together. What if her and Brittnay react like it’s not a big deal.

“Nope nothing the campus sucked though so I’m definitely not going there.” I said

“Good cause hopefully we can stay friends and go to college in the same state if not the same school.” Santana said

“Can I come too.” Brittnay said

“Of course you can trust me when I say me and Santana both need the optimism that you bring to our lives.” I said

As we drove home listening to music.

“I miss you in Glee Y/N” Brittnay said

“We both do.” Santana said

“I know it’s weird but I miss Glee. I miss performing and singing. Even if Mr.Schue is a complete idiot who is getting paid by Rachel’s dads to give her the lead and Schue is just shipping Finn and Rachel together.” I said

“Wait really her dads are paying.” Santana said

“of course I saw it well I was snooping through Mr.Schues stuff. That why he does not give songs to people who actually match the voice. Rachel’s got musical theater voice, Hummel has got a High school, college band voice and don’t even get me started on Finn almost none of the song that Schue picks match his voice. But then we got the two people who should always get the lead and the next two below them if there sick and the other two who are below that who needs someone to sing with but is great with out just not for too long and that goes top Two is Mercedes and You if Mr.Schue got you too to sing together we would definitely win sectionals. You too carry Glee already I can’t even imagine bin the next two years. The next two are Quinn and Hope and Tina they got great vocals but there no Mercedes Jones and Santana Lopez no matter how much they try. Next is Lady Hummel and Berry. Then there’s Brittnay and Me we know how to sing but we can’t sing the entire song if we do we need to harmonize with someone else. Then there is the people who can sing some songs but not all of them we got Artie in first he works with most songs just not all. Then Puck he sings well he just could never lead. Then Finn he can sing but only a few songs the rest sound like he’s stretching his voice. Then you got Matt and Mike whom I have never actually heard sing so I don’t know where to put them.” I said

“I’m actually one of the first. I mean I always thought that I was but you conforming it is amazing.” Santana said

“Oh trust me you are Just promise me when you win your Grammys and when your number one on the Billboard and you selling out football stadiums of adoring fans remember me please.” I said

“How could I forget you.” Santana said

“Look the worlds messed up, people are messed up and you’re lucky if you meet people as messed up as you but the world is still messed up so you don’t get those messed up people forever.” I said

“Okay that’s just sad.” Brittnay said

“What is the assignment you’re doing?” I said

“U.S. history. It sucks” Santana said

“Can I help!! That was my favorite subject.” I said

“What was your grade in the class?” Santana asked

“I ended the year with a 99.98%” I said

“Wait so you actually went to that class.” Santana said

“Shut up” I said

“Make me.” Santana said

“Brittnay’s in the car.” I said

As we drove to the house and parked we got out.

“What about the bags and stuff.” Santana said

“We can get it later if that’s okay.” I said

”Yeah that’s fine.” Santana said

“Hey let me go say hi to my parents and then I’ll be up.” Santana said as Brittnay ran inside with her backpack

“Hey can I come with you. I want to thank them for letting me stay here and make a good first impression. Because if even if we’re just friends I don’t want them thinking that I’m a bad influence.” I said

“But you are.” Santana said

“Why cause I own a motorcycle and have tattoos and I like women and protect my friends by beating the shit out of people.” I said

“Exactly now my mom is royalty in Spain so you need to bow.” Santana said

“Wait really. I can’t meet royalty like this.” I said

We both went in Santana said hi to her parents first and hugged them both.

Then I went and I shook her dads hand “Hello Mr. Lopez.” I bowed and then shook her moms hand “Hello Mrs.Lopez.” I said

“Why is are you bowing.” Mrs.Lopez asked

“Santana told me that you were royalty and know I realize that she was messing with me.” I said looking at Santana on the stairs

“Well yes she was.” Mrs.Lopez said

“I don’t know you’re a Queen in my eyes.” Mr.Lopez said

“Anyway I just wanted to thank you for allowing me to stay here I really appreciate it.” I said walking towards Santana

“SANTANA LOPEZ YOU BETTER RUN YOU MADE ME EMBRACE MYSELF.” I said chasing her up the stairs and into her room where Brittnay was.

We all worked on our homework Brittnay and Santana on there U.S history with my help. Afterwards Santana helped me with my Spanish homework well Brittnay drew

“Why do you want to write about.” Santana asked

“Realistically I would always write about Quinn or Brittnay, Mostly you and change a couple attributes about you guys and Change your name.” I said

“Okay well what would you say if you were writing about me use my name and we can change it if need be. Santana said

“Mi relacion es muy complicada con Santana Lopez. Ella es gupa y muy Linda. Ella me gusta animadoras y dormir. Ella ama la comics y Ella chicas. Ella no me gusta atrevido porque Ella es Asustada. Ella tiene ojos marrones y cabello castaño. Ella es intelligente y Ella es no stupido. Yo Realmente espero que ella sea mi novia incluso en secreto. Mi diosa latina sexy caliente.” I said

“Damn hay Brittnay is your mom almost here.” Santana asked

“Yeah she got here five minutes ago I just wanted to say goodbye.” Brittnay said

“Yeah bye.” Santana said

As soon as Brittnay left Santana said “Lay on the bed and spread your legs.”

I gladly obliged even though my body had enough orgasms already but one from Santana would be different.

As she went over to her door and locked it.

“Are you sure?” I asked

“Of course you know you’re really hot when you speak another language.” She said talking off her top

“Oh really” I said standing up and pressing my body against her back as I slowly kissed her neck. I went up to her ear trying to leave very few marks. She moaned as I kissed the back of her neck right below her hair line. I put my hand over her mouth.

“As much as I love that sound your parents are downstairs.” I said whispering in her ear

“I will try to be quieter mom.” Santana said quietly as she started to take my shirt off and I started un buttoning her bra

“ho bisogno del tuo corpo sotto il mio.” I said quietly (I want to see you under me)

“Si por favor.” She said taking off my bra. (Yes please)

I threw her on the bed and pulled her legs off the bed so that she was sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Look there’s no turning back after this okay once we do this there’s no completely going back so I just need to make sure that your 1000% sure and that wasn’t just the heart of the moment.” I said keeping my eyes fixed on her pants.

“Look me in my eyes okay. This isn’t a heat of the moment this is every fantasy I have had about you. You’re my hot sexy secret girlfriend okay.” Santana said

“Okay” I said “do you have a CD player or speaker.”

“Top drawl under the box of condoms.” She whispered in my ear.

I put in the nearest CD that I could find and went back to her pants as she started unbuckling my bra

“If you want to stop just let me know okay.” I said

I went over to her desk and grabbed her lotion. I put it to the side as I pushed her back onto the bed. I started kissing her lips and slowly started making my way down her body. Only leaving hickies where she could easily hide them. Under here uniform. I slowly made my way down towards her underwear. I got right above her underwear and stepped away. I pulled her back to the edge of the bed. So that I could easier access towards her core. I slowly pulled down her soaking wet underwear with my teeth make sure to lick from the top down to feet “Wow I guess that I must be doing a good job. You’re making this a lot easier for me. My Latina goddess you look so good from down here.” I said

“I like this view of you too.” Santana said

“I just need you to stay Quiet so that my job will be easier and I won’t be worried about your parents hearing.” I said

“Can we not talk about my parents well we’re doing it.” Santana said

“Oh baby we haven’t done anything yet.” I said

I said as I grabbed the lotion and rubbed it onto her upper thighs. After I could see her body squirming. I carefully edged my fingers closer to her folds. Rubbing my thumb up In down until it got to much for her and she pushed my head down. I looked up at her stooping and shaking my head. I slowly inserted two of my fingers they started to make themselves familiar with the location. as soon as I found her G spot I pressed it a couple times and started pulling out slowly with every time. I started speeding up soon I could see her starting to arch her back I put my head closer to her putting my tongue inside her and started sucking on her well I was curling my fingers. I kept my tongue and fingers going in and out. When I could feel her on the verge. I stopped and waited until she begged me.

“Pls let me finish Y/N” Santana said quietly

I slowly moving my tongue and fingers in closer. I put my fingers and tounge in and out. She finally came I pulled my tongue out but let her ride the rest of her orgasm out. “Oh god you taste amazing.” I said

“Do you wanna taste” I said moving my fingers up to her mouth.

“I bet you taste better.” Santana said

I slowly started to take my pants and underwear off. And pulled her back up to the top of the bed and strattled on top of her grinding my pussy of top of hers until our pussy we’re connected with each other we rubbed up against each other until we both slowly edged closer to our climax. We both speed up to make sure we could both ease our pulsating pussys. As we cum into each other. I sat back on top of her and made out.

“Wow that was the best sex ever you definitely live up to the hype you gave yourself.” Santana said

“Oh sweetheart that’s nothing. It was your first time with a woman so I took it easy.” I said

“Well I would like to please you the same way you pleased me.” Santana said

“Well that sounds great.” I said “Good thing that I already got wet we’ll satisfying you.”

“I don’t know how to do it.” Santana said

“It’s just like master bating imagine doing everything you wish you could do to yourself if you were looking at your own pussy.” I said

“Okay well then you’re in for a ride.” Santana said

“Okay well there is a strap on in the box in the corner of your room.” I said

“A what?” Santana asked

“ A dick for women. That entire box was my sex drawl at my house.” I said

As Santana went over pulled out a blind fold and handcuffs. She jumped on top of the bed slowly humping my vagina as she handcuffed me to the bed. I bucked my hips giving her a ride. She put her boob in my mouth.

“Suck on it for me” Santana said

“Yes sexy.” I said

I started sucking on it. As she left hickies on my neck. She slowly pushed her self up and moved her way down. She grabbed the lotion on the bed and started rubbing it all over my body. Once she got down to my vagina and started rubbing her thumb over my folds. Slowly til she opened me up and slid three of her fingers into me.

“Is that to many?” She asked

I shook my head No. She slowly started to move into me looking for my G spot.

“Further babe.” I said

Once she found it. She kept pulling in and out of it. Stopping randomly and rejoining at random paces making my body cum faster than it had before. “Wow you’re good for this being your first time.” I said

“Oh we’re just getting started.” She said as she came up and started to suck on my boob. Once it was hard she went to the other one sucking on it.

She dropped down her bed and but my legs up behind my head inserting her tongue. As her tongue searched through my body. I could feel the warm waves already building up inside me.

“God Santana I need you.” I said Quietly

“Shh be quiet well mommy’s working.” Santana said

I obliged as she found my G spot and started licking it causing suction to happen. She pulled out and grabbed a message gun from her sex drawl she put it on the side of her cheek causing her tongue to vibrate. I was rising into the climax bucking my hips into Santana bringing her tongue further into me.

When suddenly there was a knock.

“Santana it’s mom I need to come in?” Mrs.Lopez said

Santana quickly pulled out causing me to moan I quickly put my hand over my mouth.

“Hang on mom” Santana said hitting me

“What’s going on in there.” Mrs.Lopez said

“We’re filming a music video for Glee.” I said

“Okay well are you guys almost done pizzas here and I need to put Santanas laundry away.” Mrs.Lopez said

“Mama” Santana whined

“What shes gonna be living here she would have found out at some point.” Mrs.Lopez said

“Yes mam we’re almost done just like half a hour more. We have to make sure that we get everything perfect.” I said

“Okay you kids have fun.” Mrs.Lopez said

“We will” I said winking at Santana

We soon heard her mother go back downstairs.

“How did you do that.” Santana asked

“When I was still in the closet my mom almost caught me and y girlfriend several times. So I learned how to make a believe able lie.” I said

“Well good job. We’re gonna have to stop though.” Santana said

“Okay go get changed.” I said

“What will you do” Santana asked

“I am gonna go master bait until I finish what you started and then I’m gonna bring your sheets into my room and hide them and come home early tomorrow and wash them so you’re mom doesn't find out.” I said

“Wow thankyou.” Santana said

“No problem and now go wash our relationship off of you and then we will act like we’re just friends.” I said

“it would be nice to do this again.” Santana said

“Oh we definitely will.” I said

Santana showered well I got my stuff done. We both went downstairs 40 minutes later.

“What song are you guys doing.” Mr.Lopez asked

“Jungle Fever Mr.Schue had us choose songs that were banned in a country and made it big in another.” I said

“Oh well I would love to see the video when you guys are done if that’s okay.” Mr.Lopez said

“Of course sir.” I said

“Well we finished your room early today Y/N” Mrs.Lopez said

“Thank you. Um Mr.Lopez could I use your help and your daughters help I have some heavy boxes in my car. You look like you’re strong and your daughter is a cheerleader so she has to be strong.” I said

“Of course.” Mr.Lopez said

All three of us went out to my car and slowly started grabbing boxes. After 20 minutes we had finally finished. We all went back inside.

“Thank you both of you.” I said

“Hey kiddo do either of you want more pizza.” Mrs.Lopez asked

“I will take it.” I said

I sat down and finished the rest of the box. Santana came and sat down next to me stealing a couple pieces.

“You know Sue will be mad at you.” I said

“Cool when isn’t Sue mad.” Santana said

“Fair” I said

“Hey kids we’re going up.” Mr and Mrs Lopez said as they went upstairs and into there bedroom

“Earlier was amazing. I wish it never ended.” Santana said

“We have to film that video for your dad so how about instead of skipping class to make out with your boyfriend. We film it.” I said

“Yeah okay. Also who told you me and Puck got back together .” Santana said

“Oh come on your our schools on and off again relationship.” I said

“What does that mean?” Santana said

“It means we all know you guys aren’t meant for each other but you find comfort in each other so you always come crawling back. Okay well I’m going to bed I’ll see you later.” I said

I went upstairs and headed into my bedroom and laid down on the bed. I closed my eyes daydreaming about Santana. Falling asleep soon enough. One of the few nights that I didn’t have insomnia.

Time skip Lunch the next day

I was right outside the lunch room and saw Brittnay with Becky.

“Hey Y/N” Brittnay said

“Hi Y/N” Back said

“Hi guys what you guys doing?” I asked

“We’re about to get cupcakes from the Glee club.” Brittnay said

“Can I come with you” I asked

“Ofcourse” Brittnay said

Me,Brittnay and Beck walked into the lunch room together and Finn,Puck,Quinn and Santana were sat at the table. They were talking about us.

“See so many and see how pretty they are Becky.” Brittnay said

“Wow” Becky said

“Brittnay you’re supposed to be in your wheelchair.” Santana said

“I lost it.” Brittnay said

“Are you a cheerleader?” Becky asked “it’s so cool”

“So is buying a cupcake that’s really cool.” Brittnay said

“But I don’t have any money.” Becky said

“That’s okay I have some.” As Brittnay opened up her backpack and payed for Becky’s cupcake

“Thank you.” Santana said mean

Becky got her cupcake and walked off.

“What do you want to run our lives more” Quinn said to me

“No I just wanted cupcakes” I said

“Well haven’t you already payed enough for this bus.” Puck said

“Well dose that mean I don’t get a cupcake I have 100$.” I said

“You want to buy all the cupcakes?” Finn asked

“Yes it’s my day to get Snacks for Key Club and I forgot.” I said

What’s that club.” Santana asked

“We donate time for community service it’s actually really nice.” I said

“So like community service hours when you go to jail?” Puck said

“Who would willing do that.” Finn asked

“Well I have worked at the fire station answering phones and I’ve also worked at the local VFW and I have also worked at a soup kitchen which I still volunteer at on the weekends okay this club is like my cheerleading and football. It makes me happy. I started a non-profit for veterans my sophomore year.” I said

“Wow I didn’t know that you did all that.” Brittnay said

“There’s a lot you guys don’t know.” I said” Now can I have my cupcakes.”

“Yeah here you go.” Santana said handing me the trays

“Do you need help bringing those to the room.” Quinn asked

I was surprised why did she care.

“Yeah but you guys have glee at that time so it’s fine if you can’t help.” I said

“Well we will keep them in the Choir room and then help you after school.” Santana said

“Thank you.” I said

“No problem you helped us out with this bus more than enough.” Santana said

Time skip to the next day

“Puck can we talk.” I said walking into the lunch room were the Glee club was selling cupcakes

“We have a line here.” Puck said

I leaned over the table so that only the Glee kids could hear me “You put drugs in the cupcakes. I get that you wanted to make money and I won’t tell on you but you put drugs into the cupcakes.” I said

“How could you tell.” Puck said

“I know what drugs taste like.” I said

“How?” Quinn said

“Because I used to take them and I still take them when I go to parties.” I said

“Puck are you kidding me. Come on I gave you another chance we’re breaking up again I can’t willing be with someone who puts drugs into cupcakes.” Santana said looking at puck then me and smiling

Later that day we got into the car.

“Sue put Becky on the cheerios.” Santana said annoyed

“Becky’s one of my friends. I’m happy for her.” I said

“Why are you guys friends?” Santana asked

“Because she’s like me the only difference is her chromosome malfunction makes her look different.” I said

“Okay well I’m just going off based off what I’ve learned.” Santana said

“And that is.” I asked

“Nothing” Santana said

“You’re right because we don’t learn about people different than us. I know that you know how that feels. I’m not comparing racism to ableism but I’m just saying that they both stem from not understanding. Hopefully I can help you understand more.” I said

“Okay I guess me being mean to Becky isn’t that okay I’ll be nice to her.” Santana said

“I’m not saying that.” I said

“So treat her how I treat you?” Santana asked

“Not how me and whoever else you’re dating gets your hot sexy naked body. Just treat her like you’d treat anyone else.” I said

“Okay.”Santana said

“Let’s go to your house.” I said

“Let’s go home it’s the weekend and my parents are at a wedding I have several things I would like to do to you in that time.” Santana said

(Sorry it took so long it took me a long time to get through the rape part. I hope you liked it.”

[adventuringblind]

hi!! i just want to know who hurt you /j how did you get the idea to write 'Drowning beneath your weight'

Okay, so, due to the nature of dbyw I'm adding a a cut.

Buckle up! This is a long one. Also known as Ren trauma dumping on main again....

Warnings for below the cut: p*dophilia, drugs, alcohol, religious trauma, r*pe, SA, grooming, and probably others....

DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU ARE NOT COMFORTABLE!! I am not responsible for making you feel comfortable and my inbox is not a place to make it known you ignored the warnings.

So, the initial idea actually stemmed from my mom. We were watching DTS (sue me) and my mom saw Zak and Lando on screen together and lost her shit.

(Please keep in mind that my mom IS a victim of grooming, molestation, rape, and pedophilia. She has also worked with kids and youth who had been through some hard situations.)

She can't stand Zak Brown, and every time she sees him, he will pray on his downfall. Specifically because of how his relationship to Lando looks in her eyes.

Neither I nor my mom know these people personally. I can't say that's accurate or not because truthfully, I don't know.

The idea originally was also not meant to have any kind of twincest, forced or otherwise. It just wasn't there. Lexi wasn't even a thing until I was planning (plotting, more like) with my beta reader. Lexi was originally supposed to he younger than Lando by a couple of years, and when Lando is later asked about I her age, he panics and lies, saying they are born on the same day. As in, he claims them twins when they aren't. I then ran with the idea of what if they WERE actually twins. Then I had to re write the entire damn thing because I wasn't going to actually put the twins in a scenario where they are romantically involved.

Ironically, I think that dbyw has a lot less to do with my own trauma. From a personal standpoint, I've been sexually assaulted and raped, but not in that kind of context. It's all (as far as I know) always been people my own age.

The bdsm au was an excuse for me to write in collars and throw in some fun extra ways of interacting. It's also my own way of creating what would be a traditional way of looking at things. I have been in an environment, specifically religious, where it's easy to get preyed upon and groomed because someone is in a position of authority. It's why Norris family, in this scenario, has a traditional view of things. They are more concerned about whether their kids are successful and making them look good, then if they are safe. Which is, unfortunately, how I was raised to act. How my family was being perceived was more important than me getting the mental health treatment I needed and what got us into some really fucked up situations including my mom being raped by one of those authority church members and for image sakes calling it an affair. An abusive dad that never got talked to about his actions despite everyone seeing it because they needed him to lead, and him being hailed a hero for taking my mom back.

I couldn't really fit that kind of power dynamic in through religion because of how the story is laid out. The AU works so much better and gets across that point still.

Lexi is actually based on my younger sister. NO, WE'VE NOT EVER DONE ANYTHING LIKE THAT! I just mean personality wise. She's an artist like Lexi and communicates a lot through her creativity. Also, like Lexi, she has been through a sexual experience where she purposefully got herself drunk and did drugs to help make her look like she was enjoying it. She was about 14/15 when this happened.

In dbyw it's Zak doing it to Lando and Lexi, but the initial idea stemmed from that situation.

So yeah... the idea stemmed from a lot of different things. I'm planning on writing the original version of the story where Lando and the OC are not twins just to share with yall how far it spiraled.

Hope that answered your question!!

[rrickgrrimes8]

hi! i was thinking if you could write an imagine of reader being rick and lori's daughter and sister to carl, rj and judith. i don't have a specific idea in mind, but just her before and after the time jump, struggling with being there when lori and carl died, and looking for rick with daryl, her relationship with her siblings and michonne, maybe maggie and hershel too (i was thinking since carl was 10 when it all started, she was 7 so now she's 17) thank you so much, and btw i loved your imagines i've read so far 💞

Being a Grimes ~ Rick Grimes x Grimes!reader

thank you so much for requesting i really enjoyed making this one. i also have a series kinda like this about Jacey Grimes which i’m currently making a book two for.

warnings: alluding to sexual assault or rape, suicide, death, gore (lemme know if i’ve missed anything off here)

sorry if there is any mistakes please tell if there is and give me feedback i’d love to here back from yall

masterlist

request guidelines

request are open

It was strange for y/n. This world would be strange for anyone really. But she was different. At only a mere 7 years old when the world went to shit she struggled as did many others. With the recent loss of her father - one she didn't entirely understand - still protruding through her heart, it was hard - so hard. 

When it happened she was at daycare. The teaching assistant tried and successfully ate the teacher in front of her. She was next and was so close to being eaten until Shane rushed in. He kicked Ms Twune and grabbed y/n. Her mom sobbed at the sight of her, covered in blood and the tears smothering her daughters face. Carl was shocked too. He wanted nothing more than to protect his little sister. His dad always used to tell him that that was his duty - his job. And he hated how he had failed in this moment. 

They made it to the quarry soon after. Y/n thought the group was nice - well mostly. The Dixon brothers scared her was what she told her brother or any of the children she had befriended. But she was lying. Yes, she was scared but only of Merle. He was creepy and mean to anyone he saw. Daryl was somewhat the same but he always found himself being nicer to the young child. And often kept her company when Lori and Shane went for a ‘walk’ in the woods. Glenn was another she found herself drawn to. He unlike Daryl happily invited her company. Glenn was sweet and funny. He never failed at making her laugh till she felt like she was going to pee. They were good friends which came to a fault when he had to go on runs. She’d scream and cry and refuse to let go of him because she was afraid that what happened to her father would happen to him. 

That’s what happened earlier that morning. Glenn and a few others were going into Atlanta, despite her dismay. Glenn assured her he’d be fine, which she didn't believe and continued her tantrum. 

“Can yer’ shut that damn baby up?” Merle spat covering his ears. 

Shane shot him a threatening glare while Glenn stayed preoccupied with the distraught girl. “Hey, it's okay. I’m coming back,” He insisted holding her tightly at his hip, “I promise you, sweet girl.” 

“No, b-b-but dada promise too a-a-and h-he,” She stopped herself, sobs erupting from her small body. 

“I know sweet girl, I know. But I’ll be back I know I will.” Glenn placed her on the back of the RV, “I tell you what I’ll bring you back some of your favourite sweeties, huh? Would you like that?” 

Giddily she nodded at his proposition, “Yes! Yes!” 

“Alright, then I’ll bring back some for you, okay?” She nodded smiling cheerfully, “I love you, kid.” 

“I luv you too, dumbass,” y/n giggled. 

Glenn looked around cautiously hoping no one heard that “Hey sweet girl you can't say that.” 

“W-what? Why?” the child began to cry again, “Y-y-you say it.” 

“I know b-but its adult words okay? Not y/n words. When you're older, alright?” She nodded her head again kissing his cheeks softly and hugging him. “Thank you, sweet girl. I’ll see you soon,” He kissed the top of her head and started towards the car smiling as she shouted, “With sweeties!”

The group returned hours later bearing a new man instead of Merle. Y/n waited patiently for Glenn and the aforementioned sweets. "Gen!" She screamed happily still unable to say his name fully. The man sprinted over to her, pulling her into a much-needed cuddle after the day he had. 

"It's Glenn, sweetheart," He chuckled while correcting. 

"Oh sorry Gen," She wrapped her dainty arms around his neck. 

"That's okay, sweet girl. I missed you." 

"I missed you too," She whispered before letting out a longwinded 'ew', "You stinky, Gen." 

The man smelt his shirt and nodded as the potent smell of walkers reached his nose. "I know yucky right?" 

"Yucky!" Y/n buried her face in Glenn's shirt ignoring the stench and just enjoying his company. She always became clingy like this after coming home from a run. He loved it. On runs, if he ever encountered a life-threatening situation - like the one today - he always finds himself realising how much she means to him. Glenn saw her as a little sister - one almost replacing the ones that were cruely ripped from him when this began. 

"How was it?" She inquired. 

"Not fun, sweet girl. But I got your sweeties and a nice man helped us out. Saved us," She beamed. 

"I like the good man. I'll give him two kisses when I see him. Maybe even one of my sweeties," Glenn chuckled. 

"Why two kisses, y/n?" 

"One for saving you. Two for bringing you hom," Glenn grinned contently and kissed her forehead. 

"Its home bubs with an e on the end." 

"Oh," She mumbled burying herself again. 

"Oh my God," Someone muttered as they exited the van. 

"Dad! Dad!" Carl screamed causing Glenn to snap his head in their direction. Carl came running towards the man, Rick, who had saved them in Atlanta. Y/n hadn't moved yet as she feared it was only a dream. That her dada wasn't really here. 

"Sweet girl," He pulled her out of his neck, "Look it's your dad." The child gazed over to where her brother had run to. Sure enough, it was her dad. He held Carl as he cried, looking to Y/n wanting to hold her too. 

"Dada!" She screamed jumping out of Glenn's arms dangerously. The girl scraped her knee on the way down but continued throwing herself into the hug. 

"Oh, Carl! Y/n!" She kissed all over his face childishly, "I luv you, dada." 

"I love you too, baby girl."

~

The years hadn't been kind to Y/n. She lost so much. Too much in fact that it had driven her to the depts of insanity and made her do things to herself, to others that she more than resented. The first loss was her mothers. She wasn't there like Carl was but the grief burned through her still. Y/n was too young to understand it really. Just how she was when Rick supposedly died. Y/n couldn't understand where her mom had gone she just knew she had a little sister now. One she swore to protect. 

She thought she had failed that when the prison fell. The young child was on her own. Injured and lost. She wandered through the woods for days until she stumbled across a group. The group were mean and despite her resistance wouldn't let her go. They hurt her in ways she didn't and wouldn't speak of it even now. But that all changed when Daryl showed up. He protected her - stopped them from hurting her. And eventually led her back to her family. Where for the first time she began to fear her father. 

Terminus was next. The people there snatched her from her family. She was forced to watch from afar as they were guided into the crate. Rick fought against them, Carl too but it was to no use. They had sectioned her off in a playroom. Every once in a while an older woman came in to fed and played with her. She hated it. Being in this world for more than a year now she knew that people like them didn't just want to play even if she did. She learnt that from the Claimers. 

Carol found her. Although having never have been all that close to the older woman - the only relation being the closeness between y/n and Sophia - seeing her after so long made her cry out of joy. Carol was happy too as she rushed out of that place to take her to safety. The pair ended up in the woods. Carol had stopped a moment ago to clean the dirt from her face, "lemme help." 

The girl sat up from where she was put down and cupped some water splashing it on Carol's face. Carol flinched as the water hit her, "Uh thank you." 

"Welcome," She looked away getting distracted by the nearing sound of footsteps. 

"Get behind me, y/n," Carol ordered to which she shook her head. 

"No it dada," She ran away from the woman and towards the group. 

"Y/n come back here!" Y/n continued ignoring Carols pleas and crashed herself into the back of Rick's legs. 

The father shot around and began to cry as he saw the child he thought he lost at his feet. "Oh, baby!" He collected the girl in his arms. Carl rushed to them too happy to see her alive after Gareth claimed he killed her. "Oh y/n, never leave me again, okay?" He looked directly into her matching blue eyes, "Promise me." 

"I promise, dada." 

Later Carol led them to Judith. Y/n was over the moon and refused to let her out of her sight, which was exactly what Rick was doing too. They found the church a while after. There they had some semblance of peace. She was glad to have Glenn back - Maggie too. Along with the new people although Eugene was a bit weird. 

At the church was also when the questions started. Daryl had told Rick about the group they were with and regretfully had to inform the father how she was there before him. Rick asked y/n - begged her - to tell her what happened. But she refused. She couldn't say what happened. What they did, which just made Rick fear more. Eventually, she spoke a little about it. She was vague and could barely string two words together without crying. He hated it. He hated how this was a reality for his daughter. He saw the bruises they left. And he couldn't understand how someone could touch his child. Or how he could be so powerless to stop it. 

Bob died. She didn't really know the man but it still upset her. Beth too. Although she was a lot closer to her. Beth was one of her only friends and was someone who would look after her when her father couldn't. They bonded and now she was gone. 

After Beth's demise, they spent lots of time on the road. They suffered, almost died countless times but they prevailed. They got stronger - she got stronger. And they eventually found Alexandria. There everything was good again like how it was at the prison or even before this hell. She liked it there and didn't understand why the others were so sceptical. 

Though that didn't last for long. Y/n began to hate the place when Carl got shot. Alexandria almost stole her brother from her. So she despised it. She refused to leave her brother's side as he adjusted to his injury. Yes, he found it annoying how she wouldn't leave him be and he often snapped at her. But she was there when he needed her. Despite the age difference and the many years of memories they had lost to this fight, she understood his pain. When he saw himself as ugly, a monster even, she made him think otherwise. She kept him afloat, which he was eternally thankful for. 

Glenn was next. 

She didn't believe it even after she was forced to see it with her own two eyes. She was next to Glenn in the lineup. She had to watch up close. Y/n had to be mocked by that man. She had to stay the whole night with her best friends brains on her face. After that night she blamed herself. She told herself that if Negan was just one person off she would be dead and he would live. He would get to see his child born and grow old with Maggie like they had spoken about. She wholeheartedly believed he deserved to live over her. 

The war with Negan shook her to the core. At the time his face filled her nightmares. He just looked so normal. He looked nice even. Yet he hurt and he hurt and he hurt. 

He killed her Glenn. And then Carl. It wasn't Negans fault although she did blame him. Carl had gotten bit. Y/n held his hand as he died in that tunnel as the home they had built above them fell. She got a letter too - even though she would rather have preferred to have her brother back. In the letter, Carl told her how proud he was of her - how thankful he was to have her as a sister. He told her to protect Judith, their dad and Michonne, who she had recently begun to call momma. 

After Carl's death, y/n shut herself from the world well everyone except her father. For days she would cry until she couldn't anymore. She would scream and scream until her voice was gone. She just didn't understand why it had to be Carl? Why mom? Why Glenn? Why Beth? Why was it never her? The following weeks she found herself wishing it would be her next. She could never bring herself to say it out loud but with any battle, any fight, anything, she wished it would be her. 

So when she lost her father her whole world fell apart. He was her consistent so why did he leave her? She was at the bridge that day. Daryl held her crying frame as Rick set off that final shot blowing him and the walkers off the bridge. Y/n Grimes' father was dead. 

She stayed in Alexandria for a while afterwards. For the sole reason to protect her siblings. Yes, siblings - plural. Somehow through all the bad some good came from it. She just wished her father and Carl could've seen it. RJ Grimes came into this world 9 months later. And he was perfect. For months she would assist in taking care of him as Michonne wasn't doing the greatest without the love of her life. Truth be told neither was y/n she was just better at hiding it. 

Until one night it all became too much. Y/n didn't know how it happened but she found herself balancing on the edge of her window. She wanted to jump - to end it. But she just couldn't will herself to do it. And when Daryl showed up she knew she couldn't. "Hey step away from ta window, alrigh'," The man ordered as he saw her shaking frame rocking back and forth. 

"I-i can't," She sobbed. 

"Ye' ya can. Jus' step back I'll catch ya," Daryl moved closer but paused when she shouted to stop. 

"I can't, Daryl. They're all gone. They're all dead," The tears clouded her eyes. She shut them tightly picturing her families faces wanting so badly to join them. 

"Please jus' step back, y/n. Yer' not alone. I'm here," He croaked the tears floating down his cheeks, "Don't jump." 

"I love you, Daryl." 

"I love ya too, okay? So step away from the window," He watched as she turned her head slightly catching his eyes. 

"I love you but I can't. Tell mom, RJ and Judy I love them as well." 

Suddenly she went to fall forward but Daryl reacted quicker. He gripped her waist pulling her into the room unwilling to release his grasp. "Yer' not leaving me," He told her as she cried into his shoulder, "Yer' cant leave me." Overhearing the chaos, Michonne entered her daughter's room to see the window wide open and the two of them crying. Daryl looked at her. The look telling her all she needed to know. Michonne began to cry herself and joined them on the ground. 

"Y/n?" A small voice called from the door frame. 

"Judith go back to bed, okay?" Michonne told her but Judith continued towards her sister. The girl said nothing as she wiped her sister's tears and held her hand.

It was 5 years later now. After her attempt, she left Alexandria with Daryl in search of her father. She didn't believe he was alive despite everything inside her wanting to. But Daryl did and after what happened they became a lot closer. He was happy she joined him. Even though the act of being out there was gruelling at times he was glad he could look after her. And if something would've happened to her while he was gone he could never have forgiven himself. Understandably Michonne was angry that y/n decided to leave. Y/n was her daughter and Michone her mother. They needed each other but she was willing to let Y/n leave to figure that out. It brought her peace looking for her father. 

The silence was her favourite and as Daryl wasn't much of a talker she got lots of it. They got a dog too, which Daryl cleverly named Dog. Everything was a messed up version of okay but it was still good. Being out there made her find her purpose. She went home a lot more than Daryl did, which pleased her siblings and mother. It was always for a few days never longer as she feared she'd stay forever and she couldn't. As much as Alexandria is good it also drives y/n to a dark place. One she was in that night. She lost so much there. And staring at those four walls drove her insane. It didn't help how Negan was imprisoned there. Just thinking how close he was made her skin crawl. She knew how Rick visited him when he was alive that he believed Carl was right about the killing. That it had to stop. Y/n knew he was right too but she could never bring herself to one admit or two face Negan. 

It felt like a story she read as a child when the Whisperers showed up. Like Negan, they scared her. So when she was told about his escape she only assumed the worst. The Whisperers took so many from them. Like Enid for example. Her story was cut short because of them. The two never really spoke but she understood how she and Carl felt for each other at a time. So ultimately it felt like she lost her final piece of Carl when she died. Y/n wished she had spoken to her when she could've. She wished she could've heard the untold stories they shared. She needed to know about Carl's final years with her. But now she's gone too along with those memories. 

The war with the Whisperers took everything from them. The Kingdom. Hilltop. Alexandria. Along with the lives they lost in the process. With the group separated she found herself protecting Judy and RJ. Michonne had gone. Where she had gone to, y/n had no idea. For a messed up reason, she began to prepare herself for her mother's death before it was even announced. That was until she got the call. She was okay and... apparently so was Rick. 

Disbelief was what hit her first. She couldn't hear his voice nor see his face so how could she know it was true. Michonne didn't know either she couldn't if he was really there, still alive. That night of the call she left. Without hesitation, she kissed RJ and Judith's heads, told them she loved them and told them to tell everyone else that and left. She left in the direction Michonne had told her. 

She left to find her father. And she knew she wouldn't return until she did. "I'm coming, dad."

[shorkbrian]

Fuck the context and the way you portrayed shinso in your brother fic of him was so hot. Can’t wait for him to become unhinged and not even care what his parents would think/if they’re home and just defile you whenever he wants bc he’s just that desperate

Prelude -  gonna call this mess “FaMiLy BoNdInG” and bruh trust me it’s a mess but I tried so enjoy k gbye

Pairing - Aizawa X Reader X Shinsou

Prompt - at the top and combined with these two!

Warnings - psuedo-incest, NSFW, non con, dubcon, all the cons. Step dad Aizawa and step bro Shinsou are a force to be reckoned with. Mentions of DP at the end.

Music - I listened to https://open.spotify.com/track/1xFfbxmfenEpn4WawGWXiA?si=OUFp4ANsSR-6V_H187Eblw while writing even though it has NO relation to the fic spsosfnjsdhgsslfdn dead

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You were sitting at the kitchen table, drinking soda and scrolling mindlessly on your phone when your stepbrother had come up behind you, looping his arms over your shoulders as he leaned down.

“Hey girlie, what’re you doing?”

“Nothin’.” You shifted, moving so his mouth was away from your ear, squirming uncomfortably. 

There was a beat of silence, before Shinsou stood, his presence looming behind you like a harbinger of evil. “Come up to my room? I’m tired, wanna hold you.” You sighed, hunching your shoulders and curling in upon yourself. You knew it wasn’t a question, wasn’t a request that you could ignore or refuse. He was just giving you the illusion of having a choice. Well,  you did have a choice;  go with your brother willingly, or get dragged, risk him getting angry if you said you were feeling sick, get into a fight with the man that could pin you to the ground without breaking a sweat.

“Shinsou…. “

“C’mon.” He didn’t wait for you to figure out how to beg for him to leave you be, grabbing your arm and hauling you to your feet with ease. You went limp, what else could you do?

The purple-haired man reached under your skirt, a modest, knee-length thing, wrenching your panties down with one hand.  You squeezed your eyes shut when his hand brushed against your hip, when he eyed the panties clutched in his fist.

“Cute.”

Gross. 

Then he was tugging you along, headed towards his room. 

You were so tired.

Mind almost shutting down, you stumbled when the audible clanking of the garage door beginning to open could be heard.

Dad was home.

Wide eyed, you caught Shinsou’s equally-surprised gaze, the man in front of you tightening his grip on your arm. Without another word, his pace was quickened.  Aizawa wasn’t supposed to get home until midnight, was supposed to be working late at the office. 

Shinsou tugged you into his room, slammed the door shut,  pushed you onto the bed. He had a sense of urgency; he was stressed, thrown off by the sudden and unexpected arrival of your father. “Gotta be quiet now, don’t want dad to hear us, right?”

You nodded, dazed, exhausted. Nothing had happened yet and you were already retreating inside your mind, resigning yourself to whatever your older brother was going to do today. He had said he wanted to cuddle, but that usually meant lazy sex while he hugged you, kissing your neck and falling asleep after making the both of you cum.

Without any preamble, the man climbed onto the bed, putting a hand on your shoulder to gently guide you to lay back. Then he was scrabbling at your shirt, pulling it over your head and leaving you in nothing but your bralette and skirt. He kneeled between your legs, pulling your skirt up to mid thigh to give him more room to maneuver.

“Shinsou please don’t, dad’s-“

“Shhhh, just do what I say and you’ll be fine.”

Shinsou spat into his palm, the sound making you cringe as you thumbed at the soft blankets underneath you. He was unbuttoning his pants, shoving at his underwear until he could get his cock free. The man went quicker than usual as he slicked up his length with his spit, very much aware of the presence of someone else in the house. 

At this point, Shinsou really didn’t care.

He had been fucking you for so long, pulling you aside for a quickie when your parents ran to the store, taking his time when they went away for a weekend,  fucked you on the couch when they went out for date-night. Feeling particularly bold today, he barely thought to pause when your father had gotten home. Right now, he wanted to lay down with his little sister, fuck you until you fell asleep, and then cuddle with your pliant body. Dad home or not, he was determined.

Your skirt was pushed even further up your body, the material bunching at your waist so your stepbrother had unfettered access to your bare pussy. Clenching your eyes shut, you turned your head away as you felt Shinsou pull your hips into his lap so he could rub his cock against your folds. He hissed at the sensation, spitting into his hand again before reaching around his cock to smear his saliva onto your puffy slit, too impatient and hurried to properly prep you.

It was odd to see the purple haired man like this; usually he was very laid-back, slow and gathered in his movements. Right now he was rushing, pushing the tip of his cock slowly into your entrance when usually he would still be making you cry on his fingers. The stretch was immediate, almost burning, and your lungs tightened.

A hand reached up to cover your mouth, Shinsou’s thumb massaging your cheek as he hushed you. You grabbed onto his arm, not to pull him away (it would be useless, he was so much stronger than you), but to ground yourself,  able to do nothing but hold onto the man causing you pain.

The sound of dishes clattering down in the kitchen had Shinsou’s hips bucking forward suddenly, filling you up, pressing too far, too soon. He swore lowly, hand tightening around your mouth as you let out a pained noise.

His hips stilled, the hand not at your mouth petting soothingly at your hip in an imitation of comfort. Funny, you thought - you wouldn’t need comfort if your stupid step brother could manage to keep his dick in his pants.

As the seconds passed, both of you aware of Aizawa down in the kitchen, your muscles slowly relaxed. The stretch burned less, felt more manageable. Still, you were entirely unprepared when Shinsou drew his hips back before rutting into you.

You screeched, the sound muffled by his hand but undeniably loud.  Shinsou leaned over you, unwittingly pushing himself deeper as he tried to soothe you with his quiet “Shhh, shhh, it’s okay, you’re okay.”

If you were able, you would scream that you weren’t. You weren’t okay, nothing was okay. Everything about this was wrong. Wrong wrong wrong. The way his hips were twitching into you, the way he kissed your cheeks and thumbed away your tears. The pleasure that was sparking in your core, the fact that it was your stepbrother getting ready to pound you into the mattress.

He was thrusting smoothly now, cock drilling into you a a steady pace. You were getting wet, the slide easier and less painful, pleasure slowly filtering in. When Shinsou plucked at your clit, you squirmed, hips shamefully moving to meet his own. He started increasing the pace, breathing heavily as the two of you rocked together on the bed. Occasionally his bed creaked, the wood rubbing at the joints and squeaking. 

On one hand, you hoped dad didn’t hear. On the other, you wished he would -  that he’d come save you from his son.

You got a mockery of your wish.

“Kids?”  Aizawa was walking up the stairs, the third step that always creaked whenever someone tread on it announcing his ascent.

“Shit.” Shinsou breathed, pulling out of you, manhandling you quickly. He threw back the covers of his bed, shoved you down, settled behind you. He didn’t have to tell you to be good - the taboo, disgustingly wrong nature of what he had been doing was too embarrassing for you to reveal to your stepfather. Accusing his biological son of assaulting you? Raping you? Would dad even believe you? You didn’t want him to see you like this, you couldn’t.

Dad knocked as Shinsou pulled the covers up, covering your state of undress. You knew your bralette straps were still visible, and Shinsou still had his shirt on. It would probably just look like the two of you had been napping, but then again, it would still seem odd. Whenever your parents were home you stayed as far away from your brother as possible - you weren’t one to just go cuddle with him.

The door creaked open, and your dad peered in. You were so embarrassed, half-naked and utterly humiliated underneath the covers. You didn’t know what to feel or what to do, frozen in fear and indecision. 

“Hey dad, need something?” Shinsou rumbled from behind you, voice steady and monotoned.

Light eyes scanned the room, before settling on you and your brother. Aizawa gave you a confused glance, obviously not expecting you to be in here, before his eyes shifted to the man behind you. “Wanted to let you know I’m home. Mom won’t be back until late, do you two have any specific requests for dinner?”

Shinsou shifted closer to you, so close that you could feel his rapidly beating heart through the warm flesh of his chest.

“Nah, we’re fine with whatever.”

Aizawa nodded, giving you one more confused glance. Maybe he could tell something was up? You felt like you couldn’t breathe. As the dark-haired man turned, obviously moving to shut the door and head back down to the kitchen, Shinsou was pushing his cock into you, his heart trying to beat out of his chest against your back.

Before you could stop yourself, you were whimpering.

“Dad….”

Shinsou froze as Aizawa turned back, stepping further into the room. You were quiet, tears budding at the corners of your eyes.  You couldn’t make yourself utter another word, completely unsettled at the situation. What were you supposed to do? You wanted him to save you, but you didn’t know how to ask. Your stepfather was studying you, was waiting for you to say something more. His gaze was flickering between you tearful eyes, your bralette straps visible above the blanket, the position you and Shinsou were in. You could almost see the wheels turning in his head.

All three of you were silent, the moment seeming to stretch on forever. 

You were so tired.

Breaking the stillness, Aizawa took another step into the room, brows slowly drawing down as the realization dawned upon him.

“Shinsou.” HIs voice was low, he rolled his son’s name in his mouth quietly, almost hesitantly. “What the fuck is going on.”

Your brother’s cock was still inside you.

“I was tired. (Y/N)’s cuddling with me, she was telling me about a dog she saw-“ Aizawa snorted, arms crossing as he took another step towards the bed. “Nice try. Don’t lie to me. Tell me what the fuck you’re doing.”

Shinsou was silent behind you, his heart beating loud and fast against your back.  

“(Y/N), what’s going on?” His voice was softer as he asked you, throaty still - but softer.  The tears clouding your vision finally flooded, streaming down your cheeks as you looked up at him. 

“Please… I....” You couldn’t formulate the words, mortification surrounding your body, Shinsou’s hand squeezing bruises into your hip. It was too much. You wished you had never existed,  that none of this had happened.

Unable to get an answer out of either of you, Aizawa strode forward, grabbed the covers, ripped them off the bed and dumped them in a heap.

You sobbed.

Both men were silent as you cried fat tears, embarrassed at being revealed, gratification at dad finally discovering the awfulness you had been subjected to these past few months.

Shinsou thrust his hips further into your warmth.

You choked, eyes snapping up to Aizawa. Shinsou was supposed to stop the second the two of were caught. He wasn’t supposed to keep going. Why wasn’t dad saying anything? Telling Shinsou to get off of you, get out of the house? Why wasn’t he calling the police? Why wasn’t he pulling your skirt down, trying to preserve your modesty?

The man was staring at the mess between your legs, Shinsou’s cock sliding in and out of you as you sobbed. Aizawa was breathing a bit heavier, his face, stance, demeanor no longer angry.

Dread filled your bones, settled like hot glue.

“Can you see how wet she is? She’s dripping.” Shinsou prodded, Aizawa frozen in place, mouth dry as he watched. “She’s always so warm inside, feels so nice.“

He was egging Aizawa on, seizing the moment and capturing his dad’s hesitance, manipulating it. You let out a whine as Shinsou’s pace picked up, cock beginning to hammer into your pussy. The purple haired man looped an arm underneath your thigh, hefting it into the air to allow Aizawa a better view.

“Doesn’t she sound so sweet? She tastes just as good, feels even better.” He was breathing heavily now, as he rutted into your warmth. Dropping your thigh, Shinsou reached for your clit, trapping the nub between his fingers and flicking at it. You cried out, your own hips squirming in indecisiveness , unable to choose between puling away or pushing back into the delicious sensation. It didn’t take much more to have you cumming.

Shinsou grunted as your walls squeezed around his cock, giving a few more frantic thrusts before he shot his load deep within your cunt, hips twitching as he worked through his own orgasm

You watched Aizawa sit down on the bed, close to your knees.

“How long?” He sounded strained. Shinsou shrugged, still panting.

Aizawa’s rough hand rested on your knee, his flat eyes closing as he paused. “Get up.”

The command wasn’t directed at you, but at your brother. Somehow, you didn’t think it would end up with your stepdad kicking his son out of the house.

Shinsou seemed to think the same as he pulled out, uncaring to the way you flinched as his cock dragged against your sensitive walls. He was silent as he shuffled to the end of the bed, tucking his dick back into his pants. 

Aizawa grabbed your ankle and in one smooth move, dragged you to him. You squeaked at the sudden movement, eyes wide as you watched Aizawa look you up and down. The front of his slacks were tented.

He pulled you into his lap, your back to his chest, turning so the both of you faced Shinsou who still stood at the foot of the bed.

“Does he make you feel good?” The older man’s stubble was scratchy against your cheek. You didn’t know where this was going, felt so lost and bad and sick.

  “Sometimes…”

It was impossible to lie. You knew if you did, Shinsou would cut in, tell his father how he made you cum everytime. How most of the time, you were screaming in pleasure before he would even take his pants off. 

Looking at the floor, you missed the look between father and son.

“He touch you here?” You gasped as a large hand grasped at your chest through your bralette. Aizawa’s hands were bigger than his son’s, rougher and more confident in their touch.

“Yes.”

“What about-“ tears streamed down your face as the hand slid further, over your tummy, over the fabric of your skit, down to your abused, sensitive cunt. “-Here?”

“Please stop, please.”

Aizawa didn’t answer, let his hand rest over the top of your pussy, feel his son’s cum slowly leaking out. “Shinsou, come here.”

The purple-haired man obeyed, stepping closer, falling to his knees at the edge of the bed when Aizawa motioned for him to do so.

“Clean up your sister.”

You weren’t too surprised. It shouldn’t have been hard to see where Shinsou had learned his nasty little tricks from. Still, it hurt your heart, struggling in your step-dad’s lap as he held you in place. 

Shinsou was smiling, leaning forward to shove his face in-between your thighs, chuckling when you yelped as he tongued over your hole. You used your hands to shove at his head, pull at his hair, but he caught them in his grip. They were pulled down by your sides, where Shinsou held them still.

“No, no! Stop! You can’t, no—dad!!” You were sobbing, pleading as Shinsou continued his assault on your cunt, licking out his own cum from your insides. Aizawa was holding your legs, keeping you spread-eagled and open.

“I’m not a good guy (Y/N), neither of us are.” His hardness was rubbing up against your back as you squirmed. “And from now on, you call me daddy.” “No! I won’t, let me go!” You thrashed, putting all your energy into loosing the iron grip holding your legs. Shinsou pulled back, licking his lips as he glanced up at his father.

“She was like this when I first had her. Mouthy little thing, still hasn’t learned proper manners.” He didn’t wait for Aizawa to respond, leaning back forward to continue slurping at your swollen lips.

“That’s alright, she’ll learn… I am a teacher after all.”

You wanted to vomit. You went limp, sobbing raggedly in Aizawa’s arms - completely demoralized and humiliated. There was no use fighting when Shinsou had been hurting you.  Now with two fully grown men focused on you? Forget about it.

Aizawa was quiet as Shinsou worked you up to an orgasm, the only sound besides your crying the wet, squishy lapping of Shinsou’s tongue suckling at your pussy. When he switched his focus to your clit, you wheezed, jolting in place as his tongue started laving over the little bud rapidly, quickly throwing you higher and higher and-

You wailed through your second orgasm, almost unable to breathe. 

Moments passed before you were able to calm yourself, ugly-crying and begging the two men to please, please leave you alone. Please leave, don’t touch you.

If you weren’t numb from your orgasm, you would feel sick.

“Shinsou, where’s your lube?”

Purple hair bounced as your brother cocked his head, still kneeling between your legs. “She doesn’t need lube, she’s soaking wet.”

“She’s gonna need it if we’re both going to fit.”

Neither man seemed to be able to hear your panicked pleas, too excited about prepping you to take both of them together.

What an awful attempt at family bonding.

[mochegato]

Even the Losers

Chapter 15

Chapter 1     Chapter 14

Possible trigger warning.  I mention that sexual assault and worse has happened during some akuma attacks.  I don’t describe anything or say who it happened to (it didn’t happen to anyone we know) but wanted to warn readers that it is brought up.

This room really was a ridiculous room, Marinette decided.  The dining table was large enough to seat twenty.  Who needed a casual dining table that large?  Honestly.  Not to mention, a dining table that large meant there was more than enough room for Alfred to join them, but he never did.

And bringing the food out on silver trays. Did they do that just because she was here?  She kind of hoped it was because the idea of doing it everyday…  She looked over to Adrien to roll her eyes at the opulence, but he just went with it like it was completely expected.  Marinette shook her head.  Damn rich people.  She looked up just in time to catch Duke’s eyes.  He looked at the silver trays with a pointed look and rolled his eyes. Marinette giggled and nodded back.

“I forgot to ask the other day,” Dick started with a disarming smile.  “How did you two meet and when?”

And there it was again.  A perfectly normal question.  A very common question.  A question they would expect to be asked.  But there was something off in the way he asked it.  Something that just triggered her senses.  She could feel a difference in it, like its very existence disrupted the peace of the dinner.

Adrien looked over at her with a broad smile and nodded to her, letting her know she was supposed to answer it.  She plastered on a friendly smile.  “We met in school, actually.”

“Oh? Maternelle or older?”  Dick smiled again, his face perfectly emulating interest in his sister’s friend.  Markov would never be able to tell the difference.  But Marinette could.  He was fishing.  She just didn’t know what he was fishing for.

“Older,” she answered curtly.

Dick seemed to get the message that she was not happy and backed off, metaphorically and literally, leaning away from them in his chair.  His smooth smile morphed into a mock frown.  “Oh that’s a shame.  I was hoping for stories or pictures of baby Marinette.”

“Oh, baby Mari was adorable,” Adrien gushed, with a teasing grin to Marinette.

Tim quirked his head to the side.  “I thought you said you two didn’t meet until you were older.”

Adrien’s grin widened.  “We didn’t.  Not until we were in collège and she yelled at me for something I didn’t do.”

“I didn’t yell at you,” Marinette objected in mock offense, slapping his arm. “I informed you that you were a contemptible dirtbag in a harsh tone.”

Jason barked a laugh.  “Right, big difference.”

Marinette whirled on him, her serious expression contradicted by her lips trying to quirk up at the corners at his teasing.  “There is!  It was a quietly harsh tone.  There was no yelling.”  She turned back to Adrien.  “And I apologized for that.”

“Yeah, like years later and not because you wanted to,” he rolled his eyes.

“Only because I couldn’t really talk to you for, like, ever after that,” she groused playfully.  She pushed her food around on her plate with a pout.

“Apologies are hard,” Cass nodded in agreement.

Marinette beamed at her.  “Yes.  Thank you, Cass.  See,” she motioned to Cass so Adrien would look, “Cass has my back.  She agrees.”

“With what?” Duke laughed.

“Your input is not needed!” Marinette chastised him, trying hard not to laugh.  But when Duke cracked up and started laughing hard enough to have him gasping for breath, so did Marinette.

“Okay but…” Tim started after they’d had enough time to recover.

“Oh, right!” Adrien shook his head.  “There was an akuma that de-aged people.  A mom sad her son was going off to university, so her power was to turn everyone into toddlers again.  Marinette got hit pushing me out of the way of the beam. She turned into the cutest, pudgiest, little toddler you’ve ever seen.”  

Marinette batted his hands away when he leaned over to pinch her cheeks.  He chuckled at Marinette’s pout.  “I hated that one.  I felt so helpless,” she moaned.

“I loved it,” Adrien smiled.  “I got to see all of you guys as babies.  Most of you guys knew each other since childhood so you knew what each other looked like.  Alya and I were the odd ones out.  Plus, no pain.”  He looked back to the rest of the family.  “That was rare; an akuma that didn’t cause massive amounts of pain or trauma.”

“Were they that bad?” Duke asked hesitantly, afraid of the answer he was going to get back.  He had purposefully not looked too hard into akumas precisely because he was afraid of the answer.

Marinette stared intently at her plate in thought, trying to condense the experience into light, dinner topic worthy descriptions because she desperately did not want to discuss akumas tonight… or ever again. The very thought caused shivers down her spine.  “They were… most weren’t… didn’t affect…”  Her words got cut off as her body froze with realization.  Her face scrunched up in pain and she gasped after not having breathed for the last few seconds.  She suddenly pushed away from the table and stood up.  “I think… I need to leave.”

Bruce stood up at the same time and reached out for her. “Marinette are you okay?”  His concern amped up when Cass stood up as well and frowned with concern.

Adrien got to her quicker, gently laying his hands on her arms.  “Hey, we don’t have to talk about it.  We can talk about something else.  You talked with M. Fox this morning, right?  We can talk about that.”

Marinette shook her head.  “I can’t…” she couldn’t finish her sentence, her breath was becoming more ragged the longer she stood there.

“Way to go, Timmy,” Jason groused.

“I didn’t do this!” Tim objected motioning toward Marinette and standing up too.  He wasn’t exactly sure what standing up was supposed to accomplish. She didn’t know him and definitely wouldn’t be comfortable with him trying to comfort her.  It was more of a show of support.  Whatever was going on, he didn’t want to stay sitting like it was nothing.

She looked toward Bruce, her eyes slightly glazed over.  “You… you knew.  You knew about what happened when I was fourteen… and fifteen… and sixteen.  You said you checked in on me frequently, so there’s no way you didn’t know.  You knew and you just… rather than admit I was…”  She looked down at the floor, her face scrunching further as she tried to reconcile the new information.  She backed away more and shook her head, no longer really hearing anything in the room, including Adrien’s loud gasp of realization.  “I… I can’t… be here.  I have to… I need time to…”  

She turned and rushed through the door before anyone could stop her.  She could feel herself shutting down and she needed to stop it.  She knew she needed to stop letting herself turn numb.  She gritted her teeth as her frustration with herself increased.  Why couldn’t she just react normally?  Nobody else on her team did this.  None of their friends reacted this way anymore.  What was wrong with her that she did?

And she had to do it there, in front of everyone. She had to do it in front of him.  Why couldn’t she hold it together for one freaking dinner?  She’s gone through worse.  Why couldn’t she just have DEALT with it, like an adult?  Now she probably ruined the start of their relationship. He was probably going to hate her. He didn’t want to know about that stuff. He didn’t want to deal with those kinds of problems.  Those were her issues, not his.  

He wanted a daughter for the press, not a hot mess of insecurities and anxiety.  He wanted a happy, light, cheery child.  That’s why he sent her away, so that’s who she would become.  That’s probably why Dick was trying to ask all those questions, so they could know just what kind of a broken, messed up, embarrassment of a disaster they were taking on with her.  They needed to know what to prepare for when the press started getting involved.

Back in the dining room, Jason had gone from laughing, to confused, to concerned, to fucking pissed in a matter of seconds.  “What did she go through?” Jason asked through gritted teeth.

Adrien glared at Bruce waiting for him to answer the question.  Bruce looked down dejectedly and Adrien scoffed.  He didn’t bother ripping his glare away from Bruce when he answered for him. “She means Hawkmoth.  She means M. Wayne knew what Hawkmoth was doing and let her stay there when he could have pulled her out at any time.  She means he let her stay and get tormented rather than admit she was his daughter.”

“That is not why I didn’t pull her out of Paris,” Bruce insisted weakly.

“I thought the damage done by Hawkmoth was all reversed,” Duke offered.

“Oh, the physical damage was reversed, but the psychological wasn’t.  The memories weren’t.  Hawkmoth used people’s negative emotions to turn them into monsters, AS YOU KNOW,” he snarled at Bruce.  “For years, if you had a bad day, if you got sad, if you grieved, you could end up killing or torturing or raping someone, maybe someone you cared about, maybe someone you loved, maybe more than one.  

“Didn’t even have to be something big it could just be… my best friend got akumatized because my father said he couldn’t throw me a party for my birthday.  A kid Marinette babysat got akumatized because her mother took away a toy that wasn’t hers, it was Marinette’s actually, so she felt responsible for getting Manon akumatized.  Marinette’s best friends, five of them at once, got akumatized because she didn’t want to tell them something private.  Like that didn’t wrack her with guilt for years.  It didn’t take much to turn you into a nightmare.  In fact, one little kid got akumatized several times because he had a nightmare.  All it took was one moment of feeling down.  If you were lucky, really lucky, you just… stopped feeling… anything.”

Everyone was silent for a few minutes.  Adrien’s glare never wavered the entire time. Finally Dick spoke up softly. “And was Marinette… lucky.”

Adrien sneered at Bruce, “Oh, Marinette was very lucky.  She only got tortured a few times… per month.  She only lost a few limbs.  She only got targeted most of the time.  She only died four or five times, that she remembers, the actual number is significantly higher.  All despite my father targeting her specifically.  You know, nothing worth too much concern. She only watched the people she loved get tortured, screaming for her in agony before they died painful deaths a handful of times.  She only sometimes still goes completely numb rather than feel things.  Not even just bad things, good things too.  If it’s too much, she shuts down so she doesn’t expose herself, so Hawkmoth can’t get her, because we needed her.  It’s automatic.  It’s subconscious.  It’s been five years and she still has to fight the instant reaction.”  

Bruce finally spoke up apprehensively.  God, he really, really didn’t want to know the answer to his next question, but at the same time, he needed to know.  “You mentioned akumas could kill, torture, rape… You said Marinette had been tortured and killed.  Was she ever…”

Adrien’s face scrunched up in anger and frustration. “You don’t get to ask that,” he screamed.  “You didn’t care then, you don’t get to pretend like you care now.  You want an answer to your question, you’ll have to ask her yourself, if you have the balls for it.  Personally, I don’t think you do.  So use your imagination.  I guarantee anything you can imagine, can’t even come close to the things she had to live through.”

He looked down for a moment to try to collect himself.  When he looked back up it was an icy, coldness that made Tim collapse back into his chair.  “So now you need to stop lying to her that you always loved her, you cared at all.”

Damian growled and lunged forward in his chair. “You can’t tell him what he feels. You don’t get to say how he treats one of his children.  You aren’t a part of this family.”

Adrien turned his icy glare to Damian.  “And she is?  Holding her at arm’s length?  Keeping her at a distance?  Not letting her get too close?  Randomly freezing up around her.  Keeping family secrets from her.  Clamming up as soon as she’s nearby.  Sending each other secret looks over her head when you think she won’t see.  She’s not stupid.  She sees what you’re doing, what you’re all doing, she’s just too nice to point it out, too hopeful you’ll actually accept her one day.”  He turned to look at Damian with disgust.  “I might not be a part of this thing you call a family, but I am a part of hers.”  Damian only put up a semblance of a fight when Cass pulled him back down into his chair with a disappointed look.

“You kept in contact to make yourself feel better not because you cared.  Because if you did?  If you did, there’s no way you let her stay in Paris when it would have been so easy for you to do something.  There’s no way you let her get hurt and killed over and over again just so you didn’t have to admit you were related to her.  Nobody who gives even the slightest fuck about anybody, a stranger let alone family, your child, would willingly let them go through that.  Lets them live knowing that crying about a stubbed toe could make them into a killer.

“You could have done something, anything and yet you did nothing.  You didn’t even try.  She wouldn’t have accepted.  She… she was the only reason some of us survived and she knew that.  She was our hope.  She saved us and protected us.  Repeatedly. At her own expense.  Without her…” he looked away.  When he spoke again, his voice was considerably quieter and colder.

“And she knew it.  And she took it all on herself.  She didn’t even tell most people, anyone but me and one other friend really, what she went through and not even all of it.  There’s still things I know she saw but she won’t tell me about. Her own parents didn’t know because she didn’t want them to become akumas, which they’d done before over minor things.  So she dealt with it on her own.  My father barely ever let me out so I couldn’t be there for her almost ever. So she had nobody.  She made sure she didn’t.  Because she didn’t want to be the cause of more suffering.

“So she wouldn’t have taken you up on any offers anyway because she’d never abandon the people she cares about.”  He looked back up to level Bruce with an icy glare that made him lose his breath.  “Guess she gets that from her mother.”

He started to walk away but turned back to the family as he got to the door.  “You know, Marinette and I are a lot alike.  You can do anything you want to us and we’ll probably apologize to you for inconveniencing you.  But you hurt someone we care about?  Not even Hell is far enough away for you to hide in.

“So she’ll forgive you.  That’s who she is.  She will.  Hell, she’ll probably come crawling back in a day or two to apologize to you for the scene she created.  For making you feel uncomfortable.  But I won’t ever forget what you did, what you didn’t do, what you subjected her to. No matter what else you ever do for her, you will not be forgiven.” He stepped closer to Bruce, the ice in his eyes turning darker.  “And if you ever treat her like that again, they’ll never find your body.”

Damian scowled and jumped up.  “Are you threatening my father?”

Adrien didn’t look at him when he responded, continuing to glare at Bruce with a dark, warped look that even made Damian raise an eyebrow.  “I am.” He didn’t even bother slamming the door as he stormed out.  As soon as he passed the threshold, he took off sprinting after Marinette.  She didn’t have the car keys so she was walking… in Gotham… while she was a target.  He cursed and picked up his speed to get to the car.

“B?” Dick asked cautiously.

“No.  No, no, no.” He shook his head violently and looked down, trying to steady his ragged breathing.  “I asked her parents.  I checked. They said she was fine.  They said it was okay.”  He looked up at Dick with haunted eyes.  “I checked.  I made sure.”

“Well you didn’t fucking check well enough did you?” Jason growled.  “You never asked her.”  He threw his napkin on the table and stalked out after Adrien to help comfort Marinette.  Duke looked between them for a moment before sprinting after Jason.

The rest of the family looked down at their plates, except Bruce who wasn’t looking at anything.  He pushed away from the table and stumbled back to his room, a sudden wave of nausea slamming into his body.  Dick opened his mouth a few times only to snap it shut again mutely.  Cass frowned but continued eating slowly. This was new information, but it didn’t change who Marinette was to her.  It was the same Marinette from earlier in the day.  But now she knew more.  Maybe they could bond over childhood trauma like she and Stephanie had.

Damian furrowed his brow and scowled at his food, unable to determine how to interpret the new information and blame Marinette for it. She had done it to herself, clearly. She had allowed herself to stay in that situation.  Obviously it was her own fault she suffered through that… like he had.  Not knowing who to be mad at, he shoved away from the table and went down to the cave to train.

Tim blankly watched him go.  This… this was unsalvageable.  This was… they’d let her down in so many ways.  Him with the gala.  Dick with the questioning Adrien.  Damian with the accusing her and insulting Adrien.  The entire family with the keeping secrets.  And Bruce with the… everything.  How were they supposed to bring this back?  They were worse than his family, his previous family.  The Drakes just ignored him.  They were actively destroying her.  

He took a deep breath and pushed away from the table too.  He would go down to the cave but Damian was already there.  He wanted to patrol, to actually protect someone, like he hadn’t protected her.  He stood up and made his way to the grandfather clock.  Fuck Demon Spawn.  Let him try to fight him right now.  Tim wasn’t in the mood and wouldn’t hold back.  Heaven help any rogues out tonight.

Chapter 16

Tags:

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[heyitsphoenixx]

I Hope You’re Happy Pt. 6

I don’t like Ryan any more than Cassie does, that’s all I’m saying.

TW: brief mentions of rape, manslaughter, assault

All Parts AO3

gif by: @mickeysjones

“He’s gotta be fucking kidding,” said Gail.

‘Oh no, he’s dead fucking serious,” said Cassie. 

“A fucking plea bargain?”

“We knew this might happen, it was always a possibility,” said Michael.

It had been a week after the initial hearing and the three of them were now watching Al’s sentencing on Gail’s TV in her apartment. Cassie sat back on the couch with her arms crossed, Michael sat on a chair beside her with his elbows on his knees, and Gail stood opposite him, fuming like her favorite football team had lost miserably. 

“We expected this would happen, or at least I did, that’s why I hired you,” Cassie said to Michael. 

“Oh, I had no doubt his lawyers were ready to make a deal with the prosecution since I saw them last week looking already bored as shit, believe me. He just wanted to make a point, and to get his point on television. His attorneys told him he could do that, and get less time in prison if he just switched his plea and paid up. As far as he’s concerned this is a job well done,” he said with a grim laugh. “And that’s why I accepted you as my client, I pretty much figured this would happen. There’s no way any justice was going to come out of that room with all that money and posturing saturating the air. Instead of the possibility of a life sentence staring him in the face he’s dwindled that down to a cool eight years now.”

“Yeah, good for him. It’s not every day you get to pay off your second charge of rape in your life and your first charge of attempted manslaughter. I hope his mommy puts his reduced sentencing on the fridge for him while he’s gone,” Cassie deadpanned. 

“I can’t believe he can just change his mind, and all his problems just go away!” Gail cried, pacing in little circles, hands on her hips, not knowing what to do with herself. 

“This was his plan from the very beginning,” said Michael, “But Cassie, now’s our chance. When Green texted us last week you know he wasn’t talking about preparations for a criminal case, he was talking about starting your civil case. It may not be the life sentence that he deserves, but he’s gonna rot in prison for eight whole years, and on top of that you can get justice for yourself out of him. When you win, yes, you’ll get some money out of him, as you should, but I know it’s not about that for you. We’ll get him for assault and battery so when he’s behind bars he can stew in there knowing that he didn’t get away with it. The world will know that he didn’t get away with it, because those cameras aren't going anywhere if we sue him now. It won’t be easy, but I know we can nail him for this.” He spoke with conviction, and it made Cassie suspicious. 

“You don’t have to sell me on it Michael, I already hired you. Why are you doing this anyway? I know you’re not just doing this because your sister asked you for a favor, this is too big of a risk for you now. Why would a lawyer who specializes in criminal cases lower themselves down for a civil case?” She questioned him with an eyebrow raised, wanting to be sure of his motivations. He licked his lips and she saw his jaw clench.

“I was still a student at Stanford when Gail called me and told me all about the first case with him and Nina, and how torn up you all were from it. It didn’t even get the dignity of a plea hearing last time before it was completely dismissed. It made me want to scream when she told me how the newspaper headlines fawned over him, how they preferred to praise his GPA rather than admit their star student was a monster. And then when she told me Nina had passed... I don’t know. It’s not like people like him don’t get away with this exact thing every day in court, but I think that’s just it. I see it happen every day. I know you’re exhausted seeing it, more than most, but I’m really fucking tired of it too. I just want to bring one of them down myself. I want one of these bastards to know that at the end of the day, it isn’t the entire world conspiring to help him. Most of it, probably, but not all. I want him awake at night knowing that what he did won’t be seamlessly forgotten by throwing money at the problem. He should know in at least some small capacity, that he is wrong, and he is hated.”

Cassie had kept her arms crossed, but as he spoke her face had softened from suspicion into surprise at his passion. His knuckles were white as his hands were locked together, elbows still on knees, and he stared ahead like he was watching something only he could see play out in front of him. Cassie looked over to Gail with a question in her eyes. 

“His girlfriend in college...” Gail trailed off when Michael gave her a sharp look. Cassie understood and reached over to put a hand on his arm.

“Hey,” she said and he turned to look at her.

“I told them we’ll give him a war, right? So that’s what we’re gonna fucking do,” she said with a wry smile. 

He seemed to shake himself out of the scene that had preoccupied him.

“Alright then, let’s start strategizing.”

_________________________________

Every other day for two weeks, Cassie and Michael were coming up with their case against Al. They poured over medical documents from the ER, her fingerprints on the scalpels and the alcohol, his fingerprints on her clothes, the pillow, the sheets, the handcuffs, and anything else they could find. Almost every time they met up they went far into the night and early morning reviewing each piece of evidence, assessing who’s testimonies would cause the most trouble, who they could guarantee would be on their side, and how to best persuade the jury. Because this was a civil case now, there was a lower “civil burden of proof,” so she only had to prove to the jury that there was a greater than 50% chance that he assaulted her, but they knew this still wasn’t going to be that easy. There was no doubt that his attorneys were going to do their best to pack the court with people he knew who liked him or people he didn’t know but were perfectly willing to take a bribe to gain his favor. That’s where Green would come in to help them play as dirty as they needed him to. 

On her off days, she was back to working at the coffee shop with Gail, who insisted she told her everything about what they were planning. Cassie told her as much as she was legally able to, and she was grateful it wasn’t much because she was desperate to keep Gail away from the details. She knew she should tell her about all of her outings in the past that could come up in the case, but she couldn’t bear the thought of Gail’s face if she told her. 

And they might not even come up, Cassie thought, they have nothing to do with what happened that night anyway. There’s no reason they should come up, so there’s no reason to tell her if it’s not even going to be a problem. 

Cassie was wiping down a table in the nearly empty shop when she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket.

Hey, I know we haven’t talked since the courthouse but I saw him switch sides for the plea bargain, wanted to check you're ok

She rolled her eyes at the screen but couldn’t help the smile that crept on her face. 

Wow Ryan, I’m truly overwhelmed with emotion from the urgency with which you texted two weeks after the sentencing to check in on me, I’m falling to the ground, hand on forehead as we speak

She went back to cleaning tables but at a slower pace than before to give him time, bothering to wipe down the chairs for the first time in probably forever. It buzzed again.

I’ll meet you at the er again if you have a concussion. Heard you’re suing him anyway and figured you were busy. I’m happy if anyone is gonna stick up to him in his whole life that it’s you

“I’m sorry, am I paying you to text ex-boyfriends?” Gail accused.

Cassie turned to her, phone in hand, with a poor excuse for a shocked expression on her face.

“And how could you possibly assume that it’s him?”

“In all these years you’ve worked here I’ve never once seen you clean these tables that thoroughly, much less the chairs. And he’s the only person I know who’s been able to put that stupid grin on your face. If I didn’t know better I might say he’s not even an ex,” said Gail, eyebrows raised in judgement. 

“Well you should know better, because he is. Just because someone texts you once every two weeks doesn’t mean you’re dating them Gail, I hate to break it to you,” she chided.

“Yet you still haven’t told me why exactly you broke up with him in the first place.”

“You were right, he was killing children,” Cassie avoided. Gail rolled her eyes but smiled like she knew something Cassie didn’t. 

“Fine then, don’t tell me. But you can’t hide that look on your face from me,” said Gail smugly before she turned to do inventory in the back.

If you’re free later or feel like escaping from paperwork for a couple of hours would you wanna catch a movie?

Cassie blinked, mildly surprised at the question, but another text came through quickly before she could respond.

As friends of course

And then another;

Frenemies even, if that’s better

She bit down the grin threatening to appear again as she considered. He was a distraction, yes, but she was exhausted from all of the planning and preparation with Michael, working every day between that time, and then coming home to her parents who looked at her like she might collapse in their arms any second. Ryan was anything but safe territory for her, but he was outside of it all, and she needed to be around someone who wasn’t fully wrapped up in this. She needed some kind of distraction, and he wasn’t asking to be anything more.

“Hey,” she called to Gail, “is it alright if I head out early? Michael wants to revise my testimony again and he’s being obsessive about it, wants me to meet him.”

“Mhmm, sure Cassie. Send Ryan my love.”

Cassie shook her head and returned to her phone to reply.

Frenemies works for me

_________________________________

Cassie drove into the parking lot of the movie theater to see Ryan already waiting for her, leaning against his car. She parked a few feet away and took a deep breath as he made his way towards her. 

Just a distraction. Nothing more. You don’t even like him.

He opened her door for her and she stepped out, giving him side-eye.

“Do frenemies open doors for each other?” she asked, tilting her head at him like she was really wondering.

“I think so,” he said, “but only half the time, for half of the word, you know.”

She chuckled, keeping her eyes to the ground as he closed the door.

“First dumb joke of the night, check,” he said, pumping his fist in victory.

They made their way through the theater to grab their tickets and to Cassie’s surprise they walked right by the long line to get any food, which she found unusual since they always grabbed something in the past. She was notorious for finishing a whole bag of twizzlers after every movie.

“Are you cheaping out on me Cooper?” she accused, motioning towards the food counter. He stopped in his tracks and turned to look at the line winding around long enough to reach the bathroom, and slowly turned to her again, shaking his head and making noises of disapproval with his tongue.

“I am deeply offended that you would think I wouldn’t come here fully loaded,” he said, opening his jacket up to reveal inside pockets filled to the brim with candies of every variety she could think of. He held open one side and discretely pulled out a pack of twizzlers, handing them to her as they picked up their pace to not be seen.

She was grateful he had chosen a comedy, seeming to understand that that’s what she probably needed most right now, to not think about the case, or Al, or Nina, or any of it, and just laugh. He was careful to keep his long legs close together to prevent accidentally touching hers, even when he was bent over himself laughing. Occasionally he’d whisper some comment about how if she looked closely she could see the green screen falling behind the actors, or how he could swear he heard the same line come out of a petulant patient of his’ mouth last week, or how that CGI monster was definitely just a rip off of a specific Pokémon. She’d come back with how the woman on screen would never wear a miniskirt in the middle of a jungle, or questioned why the desert looked green at night, or pointed out the visible prosthetic on the main muscled character’s chest to give him fake abs. The two of them were shushed multiple times throughout the entire movie by the people around them as they riled each other up, which just sent them into an even bigger giggling fit like misbehaving toddlers. 

“No, you’re right, there’s no way she would end up with him,” Ryan agreed with her as they were leaving the theater, the sun setting behind them. “He’s too much of an idiot for her and she’d never be fawning over him that much. I know the amount of mosquito bites he must have from being shirtless that long in the jungle would be enough to put me off.” 

“Right? And how was her hair and makeup always kept so flawless? There’s no way she wouldn’t resemble Cousin It after all that humidity-”

“Watch out!” Ryan yelled at her. Cassie hadn’t realized she’d been walking into the street as she spoke and she froze as she saw headlights barreling towards her at full speed. 

She felt his hand grab her wrist at the last moment, pulling her into him with his other arm wrapped tightly around her waist. She held her breath as she watched the car pass them by. Her ear pressed against his chest, Cassie heard Ryan’s heart beating a million miles an hour and realized with a sinking feeling that the arm that wasn’t held by him was wrapped around his back, clutching his jacket.

Ryan realized what he’d done and quickly stepped away, releasing her arm and waist like he’d been burned, and she felt her skin freeze over where his embrace had been. 

“Fuck, sorry, I didn't mean to-I just...” 

Cassie wanted nothing more than to run at full speed, away from him, away from herself. She wanted to cut off the skin he had touched that had left her with frostbite, and she wanted to tie his hands around her so he couldn’t make her feel that empty again. She hated him and she hated her body for being so out of control. Eventually she looked up at him and saw his face, his utterly panicked face, and she caved.

“No, it’s... it’s okay. I’m okay. Thank you,” she said, finally letting out a breath, and managed to put on a weak smile for him. His eyes were still searching for any sign that she wanted him to leave and never see her again. She gave no such sign, but twirled around in a little circle. 

“See? I’m fine. I bounce back quickly.” She smiled in earnest now, and so did he.

“Yeah, I know,” he said, his hands shoved into his pockets. “I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean to-”

“Don’t mention it.” She shook her head, dismissing his apology. He bit his lip, considering her.

“I swear, it’s like you miss the ER or something, you didn’t even look,” he teased, and she gave a small laugh.

“It’s my self-destructive tendencies acting up again. I should pencil in some therapy somehow between watching hilariously awful movies and plotting to destroy a man in court,” she said, half-joking, and she saw Ryan’s shoulders finally drop in relief at her light tone.

“Yeah, you really should. I’m normally impressed by you but that was quite the faux pas, I think my opinion of you has lowered at least twenty percent.”

She smiled as they reached her car and the sky was golden behind him. She was breathless again, but for a different reason she couldn’t bear to think about.

“Here, for your troubles,” he said, and pulled out a pack of skittles, her second favorite. “Tell your self-destructive tendencies not to eat them while you’re driving.”

She took the candy from him with a grin that was far beyond her control now.

“I’ll let them know, but I can’t promise they’ll listen,” she warned. His eyes were half-lidded over and she could swear the tips of his ears were pink.

“Just be careful, Cassie.”

She nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

“Goodnight,” he said, quickly walking back to his car before she could answer, thankfully.

She got in her car, slamming the door and throwing the bag of skittles behind her in the backseat. She slammed her hands against the wheel before holding onto it in a death grip and letting out a scream. Why was she doing this to herself? I only feel worse after being around him, she thought, but it was a lie and she knew it. She reached to retrieve the skittles, ripping them open as she made her way out of the parking lot, her wrist still frozen.

_________________________________

TAGS: @mickeysjones @rhapsody-under-pressure @distinguishedfraud @ehweirdo @acedogs

[kellyvela]

Has GRRM ever said in any interview or on his blog that he hates Sansa's complete storyline after 4th season? I dont really follow all of his fan/media interactions but from what I can recall he has spoken abt how LF in books wont give sansa to ramsay or how noone had issue when Jeyne was given the Ramsay storyline in books etc. Asking this question to you bcs you rightly point out how ppl misunderstood his interviews/posts ( sansans/targ stans etc) & I cant recall him ever saying he 'hates' sansa's story in the later seasons of the show ( not s5 in particular but even s6 to s8).

Capclave 2013:

A change that has repercussions for season 4 is Marillion’s tongue removal from the first season. Martin said that the change was made (from an anonymous singer being the victim of a de-tonguing) because they wanted Joffrey to maim someone the audience would recognize. He believes this is an issue because of the part the singer plays in Sansa’s storyline, how he affects her interactions with others in the book, and he doesn’t believe another character will be fulfilling that role on Game of Thrones.

—GRRM talks season 4 & beyond - Winter is Coming - October 13, 2013

2014 Fan Reports about Capclave 2013 (*):

In a convention panel this year, George said on the record that he had no idea what they were doing with Sansa or where they’re taking her storyline, which now makes sense perhaps. He was not pleased when he was talking about it, so who knows what’s going to happen with her! Knowing GRRM, that could mean they’re going off the canon reservation, and/or that they’re going to be making a lot of shit up

I have notes I’ll be responding to (thanks!) but enough people commented about Sansa that I thought I’d share that tidbit, since it happened back in September iirc (was the same panel where he criticized the exclusion of Tyrell brothers)

—starkalypse - June 3, 2014

GRRM’s comments at capclave about Sansa (which I was in the third row for, for those asking about legitimacy) were among others during the panel that had a general theme of dissatisfaction with show changes. He was not in good spirits for that con and didn’t really have anything positive to say regarding the show. So take it with a grain of salt; there are deviations away from the books in the episodes he gets writers credit for, so maybe they’re doing something stupid or they really don’t have a gameplan!

—starkalypse - June 4, 2014

(*) These reports were posted in June 2014, during the airing of Game of Thrones Season 4, about Capclave 2013 that happened in October 2013.

Just after the rape episode:

How many children did Scarlett O’Hara have? Three, in the novel. One, in the movie. None, in real life: she was a fictional character, she never existed. The show is the show, the books are the books; two different tellings of the same story.

There have been differences between the novels and the television show since the first episode of season one. And for just as long, I have been talking about the butterfly effect. Small changes lead to larger changes lead to huge changes. HBO is more than forty hours into the impossible and demanding task of adapting my lengthy (extremely) and complex (exceedingly) novels, with their layers of plots and subplots, their twists and contradictions and unreliable narrators, viewpoint shifts and ambiguities, and a cast of characters in the hundreds.

There has seldom been any TV series as faithful to its source material, by and large (if you doubt that, talk to the Harry Dresden fans, or readers of the Sookie Stackhouse novels, or the fans of the original WALKING DEAD comic books)… but the longer the show goes on, the bigger the butterflies become. And now we have reached the point where the beat of butterfly wings is stirring up storms, like the one presently engulfing my email.

Prose and television have different strengths, different weaknesses, different requirements.

David and Dan and Bryan and HBO are trying to make the best television series that they can.

And over here I am trying to write the best novels that I can.

And yes, more and more, they differ. Two roads diverging in the dark of the woods, I suppose… but all of us are still intending that at the end we will arrive at the same place.

In the meantime, we hope that the readers and viewers both enjoy the journey. Or journeys, as the case may be. Sometimes butterflies grow into dragons.

—The Show, the Books - Not A Blog - May 18, 2015

Report about the last Game of Thrones Script that GRRM wrote:

No Wedding for Sansa and Ramsay: Without question, one of the most controversial changes the show made in trying to streamline the books was by slotting Sansa into the role of Ramsay’s wife and rape victim in Season 5. In the books, Ramsay marries and assaults Sansa’s best childhood friend, Jeyne Poole—who is being forced to impersonate Arya—instead. (You can actually see Jeyne briefly sitting next to Sansa in the show’s pilot.)

At the time Martin wrote this script, though, substituting Sansa for Jeyne was not yet the plan. Martin has Roose Bolton tell his bastard son: “We have a much better match in mind for you. A match to help House Bolton hold the north. Arya Stark.” It should be noted, however, that in Martin’s script, Sansa isn’t free from menace either. At his own wedding-day breakfast, Joffrey still threatens to rape the older Stark sister—once he’s “gotten Margaery with child.”)

—Game of Thrones: The Secrets of George R.R. Martin’s Final Script - Vanity Fair - December 7, 2018

A month before the Game of Throne S8 Finale:

Sansa’s story, in particular, has really deviated from the books. Ramsay Bolton — that marriage obviously was with a different character. When they start deviating like that, did you initially have any emotional reaction, even though you worked in Hollywood for many years yourself?

GRRM: Well, yeah — of course you have an emotional reaction. I mean, would I prefer they do it exactly the way I did it? Sure. But I’ve been on the other side of it, too. I’ve adapted work by other people, and I didn’t do it exactly the way they did it, so ….

Some of the deviation, of course, is because I’ve been so slow with these books. I really should’ve finished this thing four years ago — and if I had, maybe it would be telling a different story here. It’s two variations of the same story, or a similar story, and you get that whenever anything is adapted. The analogy I’ve often used is, to ask how many children did Scarlett O’Hara have? Do you know the answer to that?

I know it’s different in the book and the movie …

GRRM: Three children in the book, one by each husband. She had one child in the movie. And in real life, of course, Scarlett O’Hara had no children, because she never existed. Margaret Mitchell made her up. The book is there. You can pick it up and read Mitchell’s version of it, or you can see the movie and see David Selznick’s version of it. I think they’re both true to the spirit of the work, and hopefully that’s also true of Game of Thrones on one hand, and A Song of Ice and Fire on the other hand.

—George R.R. Martin on the Stark Sisters and Ending ‘Game of Thrones’ - RollingStone - April 22, 2019

James Hibberd’s Book:

GEORGE R. R. MARTIN: Jeyne Poole was included in the pilot—she’s shown giggling next to Sansa—but she’s never seen or referred to again. I actually wrote Jeyne into “The Pointy End,” my first script, when Arya killed the stableboy. I had some stuff with Jeyne running to Sansa being all hysterical and dialogue in the council chamber with Littlefinger saying, “Give her to me, I’ll make sure she doesn’t cause any trouble.” That was dropped.

DAVID BENIOFF: Sansa is a character we care about almost more than any other. We really wanted Sansa to play a major part in that season. If we were going to stay absolutely faithful to the book, it was going to be very hard to do that. There was a subplot we loved from the books, but it was a character not involved in the show.

GEORGE R. R. MARTIN: I was trying to set up Jeyne for her future role as the false Arya. The real Arya has escaped and is presumed dead. But this girl has been in Littlefinger’s control for years, and he’s been training her. She knows Winterfell, has the proper northern accent, and can pose as Arya. Who the hell knows what a little girl you met two years ago looks like? When you’re a lord visiting Winterfell, are you going to pay attention to the little kids running around? So she can pull off the impersonation. Not having Jeyne, they used Sansa for that. Is that better or worse? You can make your decision there. Oddly, I never got pushback for that in the book because nobody cared about Jeyne Poole that much. They care about Sansa.

—Fire Cannot Kill a Dragon: Game of Thrones and the Official Untold Story of the Epic Series by James Hibberd - October 6, 2020

GEORGE R. R. MARTIN: My Littlefinger would have never turned Sansa over to Ramsay. Never. He’s obsessed with her. Half the time he thinks she’s the daughter he never had—that he wishes he had, if he’d married Catelyn. And half the time he thinks she is Catelyn, and he wants her for himself. He’s not going to give her to somebody who would do bad things to her. That’s going to be very different in the books.

—Fire Cannot Kill a Dragon: Game of Thrones and the Official Untold Story of the Epic Series by James Hibberd - October 6, 2020

I hope it helps you.

Thanks for your message.

[sapphireplums]

You’re Not Alone

Description: Y/N Barber the twin sister of Jacob Barber decided to go for a jog one day, but who knew her whole life can change in matters of seconds.

Warnings: angst, language, sexual assault -DON'T READ IF YOU’RE NOT COMFORTABLE

Pairing: Andy Barber x Daughter!Reader Jacob Barber x Sister!Reader

A/N:  if any of you guys have ever been assaulted in any type of way, i'm so sorry that has happened to you. you guys are all beautiful and strong human beings. if anyone wants to talk my inbox is open :) 

While reading this, listen to lovely by billie eilish. it really sets the mood for the story. 

 REQUESTS ARE OPEN BABES

A second. It only took seconds for you to not pick up your phone call from your brother. It was one of those moments where you did not to pick up the phone because you were distracted. But because of that, it almost cost you your life. 

 THREE HOURS BEFORE THE ASSAULT

♧ 

You and your older twin brother Jacob were walking home from school arguing about what dog is cuter. You know, the ususal twin stuff.

“No, Jake, German Shepherds are the cutest dog out.” You said with confidence.

“No, Y/N, Corgi’s are the cutest obviously.” Your twin brother kept saying. “ And I'm obviously right because I'm older than you by 49 seconds.”

He always used the ‘older twin’ card on you.

The argument lasted about a few minutes until you guys just gave up and agreed that they were both cute. However, in your mind , you kept saying German Shepherds were better.

“I’m hungry Jake. What do you think we’re going to have for dinner tonight?” You said as your stomach was rumbling.

“ You thinking what I’m thinking?” Jacob said with a smirk knowing that your twin telepathy was tingling. 

“Ohhh yessss.” Then you both shouted at the same time:

“KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN.” 

When you guys got home, you saw your mom on the couch typing something on her laptop. 

“Hey kids, how was school today?” Laurie said looking up from her laptop.

“It was good mom” You said and you gave Jacob the look basically saying ‘tell mom we want kfc’

Jacob groaned. “Mom can we get kfc for dinner? Me and Y/N have been craving it for a while”

“Is that your guys’ twin thingy where you want the same thing and think the same thing?” Laurie said smiling at the thought of  how her kids got along so well and had a strong sibling bond.

“ Yes mom, yes it is.” you said as chips were being stuffed into your mouth. “But can we actually get kfc though? Jake and I have been craving it for a while.”

“Sure you guys, I’ll pick it up around the time you dad will come home”

“Thanks Mom.” You both said at the same time. 

Going up to your guys’ room, Jacob turned on his video games while you were watching YouTube. 

He was talking to his gaming friend through the earpiece yelling words at him and the tv.

You just rolled your eyes and smiled slightly at your brothers actions. Closing your laptop, you looked outside the window and saw that it was a nice day, so you asked Jacob if he wanted to take a jog with you. 

“ Hey Jake, do you want to take a jog with me? It’s really nice outside right now.”

“ Sorry, maybe not this time sis. I’m really into this game.” Jacob said making you frown slightly.

“It’s okay Jake maybe next time.” Jacob turned his head towards you and smiled in agreeance. 

You got ready and then tied your shoes when you were near the door. 

“Mom, I’m going for a jog!” You yelled as you finished tying your shoes. 

“Okay honey be home before dinner.” Your mom said as she was washing the dishes. 

Running around the block, you took in the fresh air of the moisture that was in the air. Living in Massachusetts also meant wet weather which you loved. Summer wasn't really your favorite season but it was Jacobs. Being twins doesn’t mean you all like the same thing.

You and Jacob had the best sibling relationship not because you were twins, but that you just bonded in general. There is nothing he wouldn’t do for you and you thought the same.

Getting tired from the constant running, you decided to take a walking break and scroll through Instagram. As you were scrolling, your screen lit up with your dads contact picture. It was the two of you on a fishing trip making funny faces.

“Hey dad how’s work?” You asked slightly out of breath due to the running. 

“ Hey Sweetheart, after work I’m going to go to the grocery store and get those cookies you really like and I was thinking you and I can have a movie night?” 

“Dad, you know I’m always up for movie night” you chuckled. “What about Jake and mom?”

“Mom texted me saying that she was going to go shopping for swim trunks or something and Jake is going too so it's just going to be you and me.” 

“Okay dad, sounds good to me can’t wai-” 

“I’m sorry honey I have to go back now, I’ll see you at home. I love you.”

“I love you too dad.” He hung up the phone rather quickly but you didn’t think much of it because you were going to see him at home anyways

Well so you thought. You thought you were going to be home at your normal time. Thinking that it would just be another normal day, but it would be far from that.

After the short walking break and talking to your dad, you decided to start your jogging again. Jogging was one of the activities you liked to do after a long day to release the stress that was contained in you. Sometimes you would go with Jacob but today he didn’t feel like it.

Imagine if you just stayed on call a little longer with your dad or if Jacob went with you. Everything would be different. Every decision you make on a day to day basis affects your life.

When jogging,  up ahead you saw a man drop a box full of what looked like children's toys like dolls and race cars. Being the nice person you were, You approached the man and helped him pick up the toys.

Oh what a big mistake. 

“Oh, sir, let me help you with that,” you said bending down picking up the toys that were on the ground. 

“Thank you so much, darling,” the man said with a somewhat creepy smile, but you brushed it off.

Your phone started to buzz and you saw your screen light up with Jacob’s face, but you ignored it as you were still helping the man.  You were thinking of just calling Jacob back later when you had the chance. 

If you had the chance.

After helping the man, he stated his thanks to you. 

“Thank you again, honey,” you really started to get freaked out by this man especially since he was calling you these names. 

You gave him a nervous smile. “  You’re welcome, but I should get going now,” you said but before you could turn around and go back home, the man grabbed your wrist tightly, preventing you from going anywhere. 

“You are right where I want you sweetheart”

Before you could scream, he covered your mouth with a wet towel. The smell was really bad. Next thing you know, you’re knocked out like a light switch. 

♧

You woke up with a pounding headache. Trying to flutter your eyes open, you noticed you were in the backseat of a van. The next thing you saw made you panic. Your hands tied with your feet attached to them making it look like a fetus position. 

Before you could try and do anything, the man opened the doors to the van, revealing a wicked grin. Your eyes grew wide when he started to grow closer to you with duct tape. 

“Shhh don’t worry love I won't take long.”

You were confused what he meant by that. What did he mean he won’t take long?

That’s when it hit you like a truck. You were about to get raped. 

He started to put his hands around your breasts, trailing it up to your cheeks. He held your cheeks and stared into your eyes intently. This is when the tears started to come out. You couldn’t say anything since your mouth was duct taped, but you tried to move frantically though it didn’t do anything.

He started to take down his pants and he basically ripped your leggings in half.

Why did this have to happen? You were only being a good person, helping a man, and this is what happens in return.

DURING THE SAME TIME AT HOME

♧

Jacob was starting to get worried and anxious. It’s been over an hour and you wouldn’t answer your phone. He probably called you literally a hundred times but still no answer. He asked your mom to call you to see if you would answer.

It went straight to voicemail.

Jacob started to panic even more. He decided to call your guys’ dad to see if he knows where you were.

The line started to ring. Then he picked up.

“Hey Jake, I was wondering if-” he was cut off by Jacob frantically asking him if he knew where you were.  

“Dad! Did Y/N ever call you or anything?” Jacob frantically said to his father. 

“ I talked to her about a couple hours ago, is everything alright?

“I-I don’t know dad. She didn’t come home after her jog and I’m getting a really bad twin vibe” 

“Shit, okay Jake, I’ll be home as soon as I can.” With that Jacob hung up the phone. 

“God Y/N/N, I hope you’re okay” Jacob said with tears on the verge of coming out. 

When you woke up, you noticed that the familiar smell around your mouth. The man must have knocked you out. A burning pain was prominent in the lower half of your body. Everything started to come together. With your ripped pants and the bruises all over your body, you pieced everything together. 

You were raped.

All of the thoughts in your head, you didn’t even notice that you were not in the van anymore, no, you were at a park.

This park was all too familiar. It was the park you and Jacob loved when you were kids. You got up but fell back down due to the agonizing pain. 

The pain was unbearable. Tears threatening to come out of your eyes when you wanted to forget what happened. 

But you couldn’t forget.

You laid there on the cold cement floor.

♧

The Barbers were in panic when they couldn’t find you. They had called the cops after being gone for six hours. 

The police didn’t find you yet and frankly, they were doing a lousy job at it. 

“Fuck it, I’m going to go for a drive and see if I find her” Andy said while stomping towards the front door.

“I’m coming with you.” Jacob said without question.

His baby sister was missing, he couldn’t just stay home and do nothing. Andy shook his head.

“No, Jake you need to stay here with your mother.” Before Jacob could object, a officer wanted to question him maybe knowing where you could be. 

Andy drove around the neighborhood first, but no luck. He drove about another couple blocks where he stumbled upon a park. He knew the park. It was you and Jacob’s favorite park.

He slowly drove past the park to see if there was any luck. At this point, Andy almost gave up and went back home until he saw something.

Andy’s eyes widened with fear and joy when he saw you, his baby girl, at the park. But his smile fell when he saw you laying on the ground.

What if you were dead? Andy thought to himself

“ Oh my God, Y/N!!!” Andy basically sprinted towards you.

You could barely get out the words since your throat was sore from crying so much. 

“Daddy?!” You said weakly with tears on your cheeks and your eyes bloodshot from the crying. 

“Y/N what happened?” 

But before you could answer, he saw your ripped pants, bruises on your body and the blood coming out near your legs.

“Oh my God, Y/N please tell me you weren’t raped?” Andy said with sadness but also extreme anger knowing that there was a bastard out there who possibly touched you. 

You could barely get out the words but all you said was “ I was d-daddy.”

Andy was furious at this point his worst nightmare came true. 

“ Y/N I’m so sorry. If only I stayed on the phone with you a little longer I could have-” You interrupted your father knowing this wasn’t his fault. 

“Dad, this was not your fault.” 

Andy still looked at you with sad eyes, but despite what happened to you, he was just happy that you were alive. 

“Come on baby let's go home” Andy said while carrying you bridal style.

“ I’m so sorry dad. I was just helping this one guy and-and he-” 

You started to stumble on your words but your dad stopped you.

“ No no baby you don’t have to say anything now. But know Duffy might ask you some questions so we can catch the guy okay?”

You just nodded at your dads words not wanting to say anything. 

♧

On the drive home Andy heard you sniffling he reassured you with comforting words. 

“Honey, it’s okay, you’re safe now nobody is going to hurt you now.” 

You thought back to when Jacob was calling you. “ You know Jake called me when I was helping that man,” you started. “ If only I answered his call this probably wouldn-”

You were cut off by your father. “Y/F/N do not say that. None of this was your fault it was that son of a bitches fault” 

You were taken aback when your dad cussed and then you chuckled softly. “Woah dad, I didn’t know you tolerated that type of language” 

Andy just laughed, but before you could say anything else, you noticed you were home. 

Jacob and Laurie were outside talking to police officers, but they turned around and saw you in the car.

Jacob eyes widened and was the first to run towards you and give you a hug. When he broke the hug, he looked at you and saw your bruises which made him fume with anger, but he would worry about that later. He was just happy you were home.

“Y/N oh my god are you okay?!” you just nod your head. 

You went to give Laurie a hug which lasted short when a voice spoke up. 

“ Hi Y/N, I’m detective Duffy, I work with your father and I’m sorry to ask you this but we need to question you while your mind is fresh.”

“Duffy can’t this wait until later we just found her.” Andy said while looking back at his daughter.

“No dad it’s okay I’ll be fine.” Jacob gave you sad eyes of sympathy, but you gave him a reassuring smile. 

♧

“So Y/N, tell me from the start of what happened?” Your family was there to support you. You wanted them to be there. 

You started from the beginning with the jog, the man dropping the toys, the chloroform, the van, the pain in your lower area, everything.

Laurie just cried into Andy’s shoulders while his fists were clenched white. He was so angry. No, not at you, but at the fact that he couldn’t protect you. 

Jacob held your hand the entire time while you told Duffy what happened. He was angry that he didn’t go on the jog with you. He was mad that he couldn’t protect his baby sister. 

“Im so sorry this has happened to you Y/N, you should have not gone through that. We will find the man and he will be punished for his crimes.” 

You nodded and smiled slightly at Duffy. 

♧

After all the cops left, you didn’t know what to do. You were still traumatized.

Your head was resting on Andy’s lap and your legs were on Jacobs. You were dozing off, but you were scared to sleep or eve close your eyes. 

Everytime you closed your eyes, you just saw the man. Jacob seemed to notice this because you flinched a little. 

He rubbed your leg with reassurance telling you that you’re okay now. 

“ Y/N you can finally sleep now. We’re here for you, you don't have to worry about anything.” Jacob said to you

That's when everything broke. You couldn’t handle it anymore tears and sobs were everywhere.

Your family all gave you a hug with love evident in it. This is when you finally knew you were safe. 

You then spoke up while drying your tears. “Can we still get KFC?” you said with a smile. Everyone just laughed and that’s when you finally knew you had a loving family and you couldn’t be anymore thankful than that. 

♧

A/N :OMGGg I cried writing some of this ahhhh. I might make a part 2 depending if I get any ideas and if this doesn’t flop. 

Taglist for ‘You’re Not Alone’;OPEN

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[morgansdeb]

My thoughts on 13RW Season 4 (SPOILERS)

So I originally wasn’t going to write a review, because if I’m completely honest, I’m still in shock by that finale... but here we go...

Overall, I enjoyed this season a lot more than season 3. This time, we didn’t have Ani’s annoying narration, that weird crap that was Bryce/Ani and that Bryce “redemption” bullshit that the writers shoved down our throats last season, so kudos for that. Too bad the ending fucked everything up.

Now, let’s go character by character:

Jessica: Jessica has always been my favorite character (besides Hannah), so I was really disappointed by her arc this season... if we can call it that. Her reaction to Justin breaking up with her was really immature. I understand that she was hurt, but Justin was right, he wasn’t in a position to be in a relationship and needed to focus on his recovery, so for Jessica to go after the first guy she could find (Diego) to get back at him... it was shitty. Also, what the hell, Jessica? Diego spent the whole season tormenting Clay and defending Tyler’s rapist. Aren’t Clay and Tyler your friends? Why are you sleeping with someone who is messing with people you claim to care about? And please don’t say it’s for “information”, because you clearly liked him, even tho he was an asshole. Once again, the writers made Jessica’s storylines all about boys, first it was Alex and Justin, now it was Justin and Diego. And to give one final “fuck you” to her character, they implied she ended up with Diego. “Ask me in a month”, um, so it’s going to take you a month to get over Justin? Okay, cool.

Clay: I’ve always loved Clay. Always. He’s flawed, he’s stupid, he’s too stubborn... but he cares. I’ll say this tho, he was a complete ASSHOLE towards Justin during that party, and he should have apologized for all those awful things he said, because that shit was NOT okay. I appreciate that he got help, and Dr. Ellman was a fantastic character, but his arc got old real fast. Clay has some fucked up hallucinations, Clay has a breakdown and makes a scene in front of people, Clay claims everything is fine when clearly it’s not. We get it, he thinks he’s Batman and can handle all this shit alone. Well, clearly, he can’t.

Ani: I’ll admit, I actually liked Ani this season. I think it’s because her screentime was reduced (she missed big moments like the camping trip and the shooting drill), and she wasn’t inserting herself in everyone’s business like last season. I appreciate her standing up for her friends against Winston and apologizing to Jessica for sleeping with Bryce, but that NEVER should have happened. It was weird as hell how she kept defending Bryce in s3, insisting he wasn’t a monster (he was a serial rapist who raped your friend, how is that not a monster). Her “explanation” as to why she slept with Bryce was crap. “I was lonely and stupid”, well, aww!! Lots of people are lonely and stupid, but that isn’t an excuse to defend a serial rapist and sleep with him multiple times. And even before she slept with him, she kept hanging out with him, playing poker and laughing like nothing was wrong. Weird as hell. At the end of the day, I still don’t know who Ani is, other than “the girl who liked Bryce and then liked Clay.” I’m 100% grateful that she and Clay broke up, that was never going to work, so I’ll drink to that. It was also annoying how she and Clay took their sweet time to tell the others about Winston. STOP KEEPING SECRETS. I still insist that the writers should have kept Sheri and Ani shouldn’t have existed.

Zach: Seriously, where the hell was Zach’s mom to check on her son? The whole season was basically “oh, look, Zach’s drunk!!” He was a hot mess and all his friends didn’t do shit to help him until the last minute. I know Winston manipulated him, but seriously, telling the enemy that you beat up Bryce?? Not cool, dude. And don’t get me started on that scene where they “implied” he was going to assault that drunk girl. Zach has flaws, sure, but he ISN’T a rapist, and neither is Clay (I’m talking about that weird scene where he hallucinates Bryce encouraging him to assault that girl at the frat house). The writers clearly didn’t give a fuck about Zach. Remember in s2 when he told his mom he had suicidal thoughts?? What happened to that?? I’m glad he came to his senses in the end, but he obviously needed help with his addiction.

Tyler: I felt bad for Tyler because his friends didn’t trust him, but I also sorta get it. He was acting hella shady and I get that the cops told him not to say anything, but... dude, you scared the living hell out of Clay with those guns at the end of s2, how are your friends not going to be suspicious? Like in 13RW fashion, his storyline got dragged for too long, but I think he was right when he called out Clay and Tony about their friendship. I liked his friendship with Estela, that was sweet. But overall Tyler didn’t get that much to do this season. I didn’t like how they made him feel bad about Monty. Monty raped him and belonged in jail, it isn’t Tyler’s fault someone decided to kill him.

Alex: GAY KING. The only character who didn’t annoy me this season (besides Charlie). Bryce and Monty apologists, how are you feeling?? My boy didn’t go to jail like y’all wanted it!! No “justice” for the rapists!! Beautiful, amazing, brilliant. In all seriousness, I wish his crush on Zach had been explained a bit more. I don’t think it came out of nowhere, but it would have been nice to spend more time with it. I don’t know how I feel about the whole thing with Winston, he was a Monty apologist so I didn’t want to see another one of my faves sleeping with a rape apologist, so I’m glad he found out the truth in time. Charlie and Alex were so cute together, I wanted him with Zach, but I can’t bring myself to complain because ALEX GOT A HAPPY ENDING, YAY!! He regretted killing Bryce, but it’s like Zach said “maybe he didn’t deserve to die, but NEITHER DO WE”, and he was right. Alex didn’t deserve to have his whole life ruined over a fucking rapist, so I’m glad he got happiness. I just wish his recovery arc after his suicide attempt had been done better, he’s the only character in the show who is a suicide survivor and they never focused on that. Shame, tbh.

Tony: I don’t have much to say about Tony. He was being hella stubborn about not going to college and staying in town, so I’m glad his dad knocked some sense into him. He got a happy ending and got to see his sister again, so that was nice. Tony always had to deal with so much crap, so I’m happy he ended up happy.

Winston: Now this dude didn’t annoy me as much as I thought he would, but... he was weird. He became obsessed with Monty after meeting him twice, and then obsessed with Alex after dating him for two weeks. What was his reason?? Why did he fall in love so quickly?? I thought we were going to get some backstory to explain his behavior, but we didn’t get shit, except that scene in the first episode with his mom where he seemed like some lonely rich kid. I’m glad he let go of Monty in the end and didn’t ruin Alex’s life, but other than making a bunch of passive-aggressive comments and staring at people, he didn’t do much. The trailer made him seem like some mastermind villain, and in the end... he wasn’t.

Diego: How are you going to spend the whole season calling Clay a psycho/crazy, when you’re out there pulling pranks, beating people up, and defending a rapist?? Check yourself first, Diego. He was so annoying with his “I miss Monty” crap, like how are you going to give a big speech about how great Monty was when Tyler, the guy he raped, was sitting right in front of you??!!  I wish he had faced some consequences for all the shit he did to Clay, like “omg, you brought a knife!!, dude YOU left the knife in there. I’m glad he let things go in the end, but JFC, he was annoying. When Zach told him to suck his dick, I cheered so hard.

Justin: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA... HA. I’m laughing because I don’t wanna start crying again. Are the writers fucking serious?? After EVERYTHING they did with Justin, turning him into a better person, making him Clay’s brother, getting him back together with Jessica, EVERYTHING...and he dies?? And even before his death, they needed to torture him one last time and kill off his mom, have Clay and Jessica treat him like shit, and make him feel like nobody wanted him. Wow, what a brilliant idea. The series finale would have been perfect if they hadn’t killed off Justin. He deserved to graduate and live a long, happy life. I think the writers just wanted to have one final tragedy and controversial storyline, so they did this cruel and unnecessary crap. I’m disgusted, tbh.

Bryce and Monty: I’m so, so happy we got ZERO Bryce flashbacks and ZERO Monty flashbacks. FUCK these two rapists. I didn’t feel sorry for either of them, and I hope future shows do better and the humanizing of rapists stops. We already know rapists are human, they aren’t aliens who come from another planet, but the focus needs to be on the VICTIMS. I know they weren’t going to bring back Katherine Langford and Brandon Larracuente for a 5-second cameo, but hallucination!Justin should have been hanging out with Hannah and Jeff, not Bryce. Bryce wasn’t Justin’s brother, he treated him like shit and raped his girlfriend, and the whole “it’s okay to love people who do bad shit” is bullshit. There’s nothing wrong with hating rapists/abusers and bad people in general (like racists, homophobes, etc). Well, at least the two rapists are dead and can never hurt anyone again.

Say whatever you want about Hannah Baker, but this show suffered a HUGE loss when Katherine walked out of that door during her final scene.

They should have sent Bryce’s ass to jail at the end of s2, and the last two seasons should have been about ALL the character’s recoveries, with everyone getting proper characterization, good storylines, and focus on the friendships and family dynamics. The murder mystery and cover-up stuff ended up being really stupid and pointless. The writers prioritized shock value over proper storytelling, and that’s a shame because the cast is really talented, and the characters had the potential to be better than what they actually were.

Goodbye, 13 Reasons Why. I’ll check out the cast’s future projects, but the writers/producers can GTFO.

[mycptsdrecovery]

TW for abuse, mental health crisis, unreality, mental hospital mention

hi im a 19 year old and still living with my parents. ive been trying to move out since august and i planned to move out by december. in late december i was not having much luck with housing and i started having memories of not so great things my parents did to me throughout the years play in my head. i rly have no idea how to explain this confusing clusterfuck of a situation in just a tumblr ask but basically i want to know if the things my parents did count as sexual abuse.

from a young age my parents didnt respect my boundaries. my parents often touched my butt (it sounds so stupid calling it that idk what else to put) in seemingly nonsexual or accidental ways, but they didnt stop as i grew older. i remember the first time that i realised i was being sexually abused (thats how i thought about it at the time, idk). i dont remember what my dad did specifically but i was 8 years old-ish, i started puberty around then because my body hates me. it was probably to do with my butt/waist/ things and my dad touching them. we were about to go in a shuttle to the airport, it was like 2am. i remember i stayed silent through whatever happened but at some point during or after i remember bursting into tears and like... thinking to myself that my dad is sexually abusing me (i dont remember where i learnt what that is) and my dad asking me what was wrong but i refused to talk because i was scared. moments like these where my dad touched me in a way that didnt feel normal and i burst into tears happened multiple times. ive felt very uncomfortable around my dad for most of my life at this point. hes the kind of dad who doesnt talk about anything hes thinking or feeling, doesnt talk much at all or have many friends. we have rarely had conversations past surface level talk thats appropriate for strangers or acquaintances so i have never known whats in his head and whenever ive tried to get him to talk with me about something serious he shuts down and leaves. hes very neglectful emotionally, though he used to sometimes fulfil his emotional duties as a parent when i was a very young child according to my mum but he stopped at some point. for a really long time ive been afraid that my dad was sexualising me in his head or sexually attracted to me. ive grown up having nightmares about my parents raping me.

here are some of the things i remember my parents doing. some memories are not easily accessable and some have not been processed as an adult.

TW

-both my parent regularly touched my butt in a variety of contexts. i never confronted my dad about it because i knew he wouldnt answer me. i have learned to only hug my parents in a specific way so that my arm is always under their arms so i can stop them from putting their hands too low.

-my dad used to put his hand on my waist and hips/lower back. he was basically doing the kind of casual touch that you would do with someone ur in a sexual relationship with. he doesnt anymore because i have stopped allowing him to spend much time with me.

-my parents, mostly my mum have touched my breasts very lightly and casually. it could be seen as accidental but my mum has never responded to my frequent requests to stop touching me like this.

-my mum showed me her vagina once as... sex ed? i have no idea if this is normal which is kinda how i feel about most of the ?sexually? themed things my parents have done.

-my mum has always commented on my body in ways that made me very uncomfortable, such as often commenting on how i would be sexually harassed because of the outfit im wearing, even the necklace im wearing.

-my mum gave me several moderately detailed accounts of sexual assaults that hve happened to her, like for instance when i was around 6-9? she used a story of a sexual assault that happened to her while in a pool to say that i be afraid in public pools. the amount of detail was very unnecessary.

-one time my mum was telling me about how boys pinch girls buttcheeks to tell them they think theyre 'sexy'. then she pinched my buttcheeks a bunch of times even though i didnt want her to. im sure she did this many times and i was literally like 5 years old or something.

-my mum talked to my sister while i was in earshot about... how she would be ok with it if i married my 1st cousin? and she named him specifically. it made me feel rly weird around him.

-again my dad has always just given me huge predator vibes and ive always been super afraid of him.

this list is definitely incomplete but i dont remember anything penetrative or to do with anyone touching my genitals.

i tried to tell someone about the "sexual abuse" twice when i was 13, both during mental ward stays about 9 or 10 months apart. the first time is completely blacked out from my memory and the second one... they told the police. my dad was questioned and nothing happened because i never wanted anyone except the nurse who i told to know and refused to tell anyone any details. i just wanted to get a weight off my shoulders. instead i got a 3 or so year long period of my mum emotionally abusing me to a degree she never had. i was almost completely convinced that i had never been sexually abused. i still dont know if its true or not. the specific term my mum used was that i "mis-interpreted" my parents actions as sexual abuse. i didnt push back, i was too terrified of her and i just dissociated to cope with those years. i was very very isolated from anyone except my mum. i wanted desperately to be a young child again and felt like one most of the time. before 6 years old was the only period where i felt like my parents actually liked me.

when i was around 15 i started sexually getting involved with older men online. i wasnt attracted to them, i didntdesire them, i just was so traumatised from... whatevrr u want to call the way my parents treated me but i didnt feel that i had the right to be. i felt like i needed to get some "real" trauma and i dont want to say what i did but im lucky that none of these men ended up meeting up with me irl at least. the fucked up thing is that though it did traumatise me, i kind of felt better because i wanted something i could feel justified in being upset about.

now im 19 and my brain is hitting me with all these memories. i havent felt safe with my parents for most of my life. theyre neglectful and emotionally abusive towards me. they abused all my other siblings physically quite a lot and two of them have moved to different countries so that they can not live in the same place they grew up in. 2 out of 3 of my siblings have completely cut ties with my parents for years now. when i was 11 i recoeved an email from my brother telling me about our parents not being safe people.

ive started to consider the possibility of the constant violation of my boundaries counting as sexual abuse. i have a lot of sexual trauma symptoms and i have for a very long time. i grew up afraid that my dad was going to rape me. i think i was abused by my mum into associating holding my parents accountable with the punishment she put me through after she found out i reported them. i just want to know if im allowed to be upset about this. im terrified that this is normal, because if its normal that means i was a gross freak as a kid who just "mis-interpreted" these actions to be sexual abuse. i need to make sense of my reality somehow. im so confused.

you absolutely have the right to be upset by this. what they did to you was not okay. an adult touching a child intentionally in inappropriate areas is molestation, even if they played it off as not a big deal. many of the things you mentioned also sound like grooming which is often a part of childhood sexual abuse. i’m so sorry these things happened to you. i hope you are safe and can find a way to not be around your parents.

[atruththatyoudeny]

Monthly Reads | June 2020

Another 28th, another fic rec for you. Here are all the fics I read and loved this month. Happy reading!

✸ Caves End | jacaranda_bloom | famous/not famous - slow burn - hurt/comfort - angst - minor injury - miscommunication - fluff - 40k When a recurring injury cuts short Harry’s time as the Captain of the English Football Team, he needs to rethink his career and his future. His best mate and manager, Niall, decides that what Harry really needs is a change of scenery, time to relax, and to get some perspective on his life. What Harry doesn’t expect is for them to end up in Australia, on a farm, with the most gorgeous man he’s ever laid eyes on. OR the one where Harry has lost his future, Louis has lost his past, but maybe together, they can find a way through the dark.

✸ Just for Tonight (I can be yours) | SadaVeniren | a/b/o - royalty - secret identity - secret realtionship - arranged marriage - mpreg - 42k Harry, prince of Cestrescir, has been betrothed to Ludvic, prince of Yorvik, since birth. He'd accepted a loveless marriage as his duty to his country, until an accident threw him in the path of a gentle alpha

✸ Falling in the Wrong Direction | FallingLikeThis | past character death - grief/mourning - homophobia - internalized homophobia - secrets - angst - fluff - hurt/comfort - emotional hurt/comfort - enemies to friends to lovers - 25k When Harry’s fiancé, Liam, passes away just before their wedding, he doesn’t know how to cope. As time goes on, Harry learns to heal, but is left living in the house his fiancé used to share with his best friends and Harry is uncovering a lot of secrets he didn’t know Liam had... while possibly falling for the one person who helped Liam keep them from him. Harry never quite got along with Louis, but maybe he’s the one person who can help Harry bridge the gap between the life he thought he would have and the one he is now living. A Catch and Release au

✸ we can only look behind | hereforlou | growing up together - childhood friends - slow burn - friends to lovers - friends with benefits - pining - internalized homophibia - Coming Out - 66k His mum said there was no getting an idea out of his head once it was stuck in there and Harry thought she was right. It wasn’t like he did it on purpose - his ideas were just really sticky. (Or, the one where Harry fixates through the years.)

✸ somewhere in between lightning | jassy117, nauticalleeds, shiningdistractionwrites | Love Island Au - exes to lovers - angst - pining - miscommunication - fluff - reality show - 99k As Louis took another bite, he thought back to how he had once believed that the hardest thing about being on Love Island would be Liam handling his social media. He had been wrong. It was Harry Styles, peeking over at Louis as he forked a pancake into his mouth, and gauging his reaction. It was having to quench the swelling of his heart, which felt simultaneously like hope and the breaking of a thousand pieces. --- A summer gone wrong (or very right) when, under Liam’s persuasion, Louis finds himself drunkenly applying for Love Island, and getting accepted. Oh, well. A summer spent on an island paradise couldn’t be all that bad, right? Imagine his surprise when Louis arrives in sunny Majorca to find that his first love and ex-boyfriend, Harry, is another contestant, about to capture the hearts of everyone in the villa. Most normal people don’t have to face their ex on an otherwise straight TV show. Most normal people don’t fall for their ex again in front of the whole nation, either. Too bad this whole situation isn’t normal.

✸ Dreams Once Remembered | Chelsea Frew (chelseafrew) | rape/non-con - kidnapping - mpreg - unplanned pregnancy - angst - emotional hurt/comfort therapy - child loss - kid fic - rape recovery - 78k 16-year-old Harry Styles is on the verge of a life-changing moment. He has been put in a band on The X-Factor and he and his new bandmates are about to get ready for a glorious adventure together. In one terrible moment, all of that is stolen from Harry. Kidnapped, Harry spends the next seven-and-a half-years in a twelve-by-twelve shed, suffering repeated assault at the hands of his captor. One of these assaults results in a daughter Harry has raised entirely on his own in the small space they call Room. Now that Darcy is five, Harry is determined that she be allowed to experience the real world, and he devises a plan for them to escape. Should they escape, there are many questions. Can Darcy adjust to the outside world? Can Harry start over? What kind of relationship, if any, can he have with the band that moved on without him? Even with success far from assured, Harry knows he has to take a chance. For him, and for his little girl.

✸ No Friends and An Empty Heart | Maelstrom_Roots | Fleabag AU - mentions of suicide - attempted sexual assault - therapy - sex addicition - angst - grief/mourning - 36k When Louis Tomlinson gets an invitation for dinner with the family he's been estranged from for a year, he has only one goal: to get his sister to talk to him again. But when an unexpected guest in the form of a hot priest is also at the dinner table, Louis may have to accept that the universe has other plans for him. A Fleabag Season 2 AU featuring Fleabag Louis Tomlinson and Hot Priest Harry Styles.

✸ Still the One | dandelionfairies | kid fic - past cheating - post-divorce - 54k Harry was 15 when he met Louis, 17 when they made love for the first time, 19 when they got engaged and married. One would think he has a perfect life, right? It’s what he thought. He was 21 when he learned that Louis had an affair. It was only one time. That’s what Louis had told him. Harry tried to forgive him. He tried to move on from that horrible moment, but he couldn’t. It was his 22nd birthday when he signed the divorce papers, leaving England behind. After finding himself living in a small town in Nebraska, Harry learns to live on his own. He becomes a preschool teacher at the local school and spends his free time continuing his own painting. He’s even been lucky enough to sell a few pieces. He’s 25 when his life is turned upside down once again by the single father who has moved into the house on the property he just happens to park his trailer.

✸ You Left all your Dreams on the Threshing Floor | LadyLondonderry | fashion - journalism - bullying - past sexual assault - 27k Marcel will go home after work and he’ll clean his vest and he’ll bleach his shirt and tomorrow will be a new day. He’s got other things that he can spend his time focusing on. How to fit in a third quote onto the cover of the fall issue of Mod Mag without covering any details in the model’s face, for instance. Maybe he’ll switch to gluten-free banana bread for the meeting on Friday. He knows some co-workers likes to eat gluten free, at least. Someone will have to accept his friendship advances eventually. They’ll have to. Right? - Louis Tomlinson gets a job at Mod Magazine. He’s quickly drawn to the one person in the office who won’t give him (or anyone) the time of day; Marcel Styles, Senior Layout Editor.

✸ Shadows Come With The Pain That You're Running From (Love Was Something You've Never Heard Enough) | Anonymous | a/b/o - emotional hurt/comfort - angst - fluff - pack dynamics - mutual pining - secrets - slow burn - 51k “Thanks, Ni, I guess I needed to hear that,” Harry sighed and wrapped his own arms around Niall and squeezed him tightly not caring if Liam would be mad. He missed Niall so much. “Does it really come as a surprise to you that I’m right? Shaking my head, Haz. You should know me better,” the brunette teased. Harry giggled again. “You know Hazza, you really are so different to all the other alphas out there. You’re soft, caring, cuddly and sweet and those damn dimples. So freaking pretty, it’s almost annoying. I would hate you if you weren’t my best friend. You’d really be a brilliant omega. Nature really did a number here,” Niall mumbled. It was his turn to smash his nose into Harry’s neck and Harry was extremely thankful for that because he wasn’t sure he had his facial expression in check at all. Or a Band AU in which Harry isn't allowed to be who he really is and the North American Tour might bring some unexpected truths into the web of lies and also a bit of heat that has very little to do with the summer in the US.

✸ Confessions of a Fabricated Alpha | Anonymous | a/b/o - non-traditional a/b/o - secret identity - famous/not famous - fake/pretend relationship - rape/non-con - public humiliation - anxiety - depression - sex work - 18k Hearing it now almost made Harry hang up the phone, but he sighed and pressed one to be connected to one of their alpha operators. He’d already committed to this low point in his life and hanging up meant he couldn’t wallow in it and he was in a wallowing mood. “You are being connected to alpha operator number forty-four. Rogue will be with you shortly.” The name was said in a different voice like a voice mailbox someone might have on their office phone. It made him snort out a laugh at how stupid it all was. It felt like a budget sex line. or famous alpha Harry Styles has a secret and paying an alpha to roleplay a relationship with him over the phone is the only way he can be himself.

✸ Iron Hearts, Fire Souls | hopelesswriter | a/b/o - non-traditional a/b/o - alpha/alpha - co-workers - fluff - 26k "Lou..." “I know, Harry! I know what you’ll say, we can’t right? We can’t help each other’s needs? We can’t be what the other needs? But fuck, what about what we want?! And I say we because you’ve been saying yes to all of our dates and you've been flirting back all this time and-“ He took a deep breath. “And there is nothing that I want more right now than to kiss you.” Or the one where Harry and Louis are two single and unmated Lawyer Alphas that have to share an office and even though they shouldn't be that attracted to each other's scents, it sure isn't a big deal, right? I mean, what could go wrong?

✸ last blues for bloody knuckles | creamcoffeelou | a/b/o - strangers to lovers to strangers to lovers - mob au - religious themes - pregnancy - angst - 34k “Hi, love,” A too-familiar voice greeted him from the other side of the door. He had a cigarette dangling from his lips that he brought between two fingers as his eyes raked over Louis. All Louis could do was stare, wide-eyed at the alpha that he’d left behind so many years ago. “Harry?” His voice felt far away, like it wasn’t him that was speaking. On the other side of the door stood the one man he never thought he’d see again, and maybe the only man he never wanted to see again. A few steps behind him stood Liam and someone else he didn’t recognize, with guns tucked into their front pockets. “I need you to come with me.” OR Styles was a name everyone knew. It had evolved into something of a fairy tale, a far away problem that normal people didn’t have to deal with. Louis never thought he’d find himself falling in love with him. When he finds himself pregnant with Harry’s child, he knows he has to leave the life, and Harry, behind. For her sake. He never expected Harry to show back up on his doorstep five years later. A mob au.

✸ It Feels Different When You’re With Me | Rearviewdreamer | sign language - slow burn - 45k Harry fell in love with sign language as a kid. He never imagined the first love of his life would lead him straight to his second.

✸ let me carry your weight | soldouthaz | trainer Harry - insecure Louis - pining - smut [check tags for specific smut tags] - 28k louis is fresh out of a bad relationship with someone who made him feel awful about how he looked. on his journey to better himself, he meets harry - the ridiculously attractive and fit personal trainer.

[stray-tori]

An Innocent Sin & the good gay flashback ft. my descent into madness

I wasn’t sure if I should post this but I mostly want it archived so here we go. This is from like,, September?

So. “An Innocent Sin” is a dumpster fire unlike anything I’ve ever seen. I don’t remember why I decided to read it. maybe I was crazy. Either way... I read it. It soon started to touch upon (very very outlandish) sexual abuse which I thought was interesting. (the angst, not so much some of the wack circumstances surrounding it)

ANYWAY. at some point... we have a flashback. And not just that. It has a gay character.

And it turns rly gay. which mind you, is still in a het smut manwha (that has a “gay” side couple, but still!)

And it destroyed me.

For those who want to read it because I genuinely think the flashback is a decent bit, it’s all the bonus chapters between chapter 77 and 78 I think. There’s a part before that too, but idk where exactly anymore. (It’s on lezhin! or your platform of choosing)

I don’t THINK you’ll need any other knowledge to get the flashback bit? but it’s been a while.

Below the cut (rip mobile users), you can read all of my amazing reactions (all of these were text messages, for context - but I took most of the replies and convos about other things out). Post is also tagged as long post. :))

(i’m serious, this is fucking long)

__________

Here I am. Liking the gay flashback character. Feck. Main dude is still straight but idk it's cute pff

This is a mess. The girl white hair likes, likes black hair, maybe, but thinks white hair is attractive

What just happened is sth I'd like to know too pff He's so cute tho omg. Watch me melt Can we stay in this flashback before everything got perverted af and before white hair gets assaulted all the time I would send an eyebrow emote if I could Context: he's asking he says it again

Ik it's not mutual but loookkk he's so sweet. He's kinda rude in present time, can't we stay in this flashback forever

I never asked for gay, never expected gay but I got gay

This story is trash why am I still reading it shdhhd

He caught his mom cheating. And now she's forcing him to watch??? What is thissss Well adoptive mom But still sudhdidu what Bitch how dare YOU exist

Save my babyyyy

Yay sister that's not yet a rapist to the rescueee

This flashback is actually just nicer in every way let's just stay here This is a super long flashback btw Idek anymore what triggered it

Okay I think I'm gonna make the sensible decision and let this dumpster fire rest and just go sleep

It was very wild. I kinda wanna see white hair get therapy but it has 90 chapters and I'm at like 30... So I'm very concerned this is gonna be very dragged out. Idek if it's even finished ahahsududi - but I do kinda wanna see where it goes and see more cute Noah (white hair) so. Here we are.

yeahhh like i was down for the sexual abuse angst but then the mother killed the adoptive son's mother bc the dad had a thing for her?? and it was someone a person studying with white hair knew and so he's investigating and I'm like how did this turn into a crime organisation kind of plot

hhhhhhh i... i appreciate these horny things also tackling abuse but it always kind of gives me weird vibes to have both, especially when its very horny. And when people are horny to people who've been abused. Idk but I'd assume... you might try NOT to tie them up if they're frequently bondaged during their assaults. I'm just.... disjdksdj hello?? am i weird?? why are they fine with it???

also this manwha is so wild, theres this murder mystery investigation thing and then theres just a couple doing honry stuff sprinkled in between and i'm like OKAY

they rescued a guy in their basement and he's understandably very traumatized and they're trying to question him cut to our main couple trying bondage which i still dont understand bECAUSE HE'S A RAPE VICITM WHY ARE YOU OKAY WITH THIS the ones questioning arent the main couple of course but idshkjds

like im glad he's somehow okay with all this horny stuff despite his trauma and im glad he can be happy and have a nice relationship but DO WE NEED THIS MUCH OF IT he's very cute tho

i like that even when i try other stuff lezhin recommends me it still has large amount of gay in it

[mei: i mean... that's pretty great, if you ask me]

I mean I agree, I'm enjoying the gay eheheh these tonal whiplashes there's not even that much white space between the panels fhjd nvm it just turned horny goddamn it can there be 1 chapter without fucking? okay, there were the flashbacks

WE ARE BACK IN FLASHBACKS but im not getting the gay relationship, sad

OH WAIT AM I GETTING GAY COMFORT bc thats very good too

OH NNOOO this turned sad very quickly

I'M SORRY IM SPAMMING BUT THIS IS JUST ANGSTY

I'M :((((

different species confirmed

I rly like them :((( I like the current girl too but it's just..... very horny with her. the flashbacks are nice [current tori edit: she’s very unloyal idk why i said I liked her] im weird HHHHH RIPPP 

someone help him he looks so saddddd

not sure if thats the most healthy relationship but I'LL TAKE IT

AWWW black hair's mom cooks mild food for them bc Noah can't eat spicy food :((( im soft

PFFF

I LOVE THE FLASHBACKS :(((

awww

i feel like theyve done much more bonding than noah's current relationship. I mean yes I think its cute when she comforts him, too, but they rarely do anything besides be horny together

OH OH THEY'RE KISSING

best buildup, honestly

the position is hornier than I'd like later here goes hope it stays cute

D-did someone just respect the word "stop"??? I am amazed

i think you might uh. have some trauma stuff too so yknow

Dohye is a little dramatic in his reassurance but it's all rly cute so I'm :(( I like them a lot pls stay like this getting invested in flashbacks is always like: ik it wont stay but pls stay like this

hELP

chapters ending in "i wanna touch him" is never good. I'm scared. Oh okay he didnt do anything. PHEW. He's already better than the girl, can't they just end up together lmao

[Noah was jealous]

w-why do you look so evil dohye haukdhjs

oh. oh no. the horny is starting. pls dont... just be cute forever

DOHYE NO YOU WERE SO DECENT WHY ARE YOU LYING ABOUT KOREAN TRADITIONS TO GET HIM TO DO STUFF HORNY STUFF TOO NO PLS STOP I JUST- WHEEE TvT the manwha is actually less visually horny in the flashbacks but im not sure if its bc its BL which isnt rly the genre of the manwha or if its bc they're still kids basically, which... I'd respect the latter, tho I'd prefer it to be like this constantly haha

okay. he's not respecting stop anymore, but it's also more of embarrassed nature more than "no i dont want this stop" so maybe i can forgive it. Still losing points, but he hugged him and it was sweet so HHHHHHHHHHH NOT SURE HOW I SHOULD JUDGE THIS SITUATION

They [Noah’s family] forbid him to visit his friends house I AM DEVASTATED

understandable they're a rapist, a fucked up murderer mother and a father with a thing for younger women so

tho he dont know any of that but yknow he's so pretty just fucking end me on the spot

hooo

they are boyfriends and ik from the future that his sister is gonna ruin it allll she has those drugs that make visual imaginations feel like they rly happened to the person (dont know if thats real but holy fuck its terrifying) and she's used it before to say that Noah assualted her. and im pretty sure shes gonna use it again bc there was a panel of Noah remembering Dohye being uhhhh intimate with her and thats why Noah began to hate him and im so sad im not ready for it. bc he's denied it in the future and i honestly couldnt see it happening even before that or she drugged Dohye, i guess thats a possibility too

[current tori: oh girl, it’s neither and it’s wack]

which if, btich you gonna die even more enough rambling, more reading. this makes me so sad but also spicy

on the manwha note, he thinks Noah doesnt like his family bc he's adopted and doesnt feel comfy which....... fair enough i suppose. and he's so cute im gonna melt just looK AT THIS 

SHUt UP, IM GONNA CRY

OH MY GODDDD he ate like ice and gum and all that, and Dohye assumed it was bc of the more spicy food and got rl worried, but he was just trying to get the smell out of his breath bc he wanted to kiss him ukhsdjs HOW CAN YOU BE SO CUTE HELLLOOOOOOOOO

look at them. LOOK AT mY BABIESSSS

how am i ever gonna care about the main couple again aww he-he wanted to go to the same highschool as him :((( im sad bc i know its not gonna happennnnnn

[mei: also at this point, you're literally never gonna care about them. i don't even know the main couple that well and i honestly don't care about them whatsoever.]

WAIT NO they're actually going to the same school awww ik it wont take long until sister fucks it up for them but for now theyre so sweet ohmygodddd

cant he move in with them, fuck his family honestly

dohye he's not a fucking pokemon iukhsdjs

oh. its. turning horny i am displeased with this development but i guess its natural for their relationship however COULD YOU DO IT AT HOME AND NOT IN SOME DUSTY SMALL ROOM how do ppl do this i like that the comments too are just "... is anyone still carng about the other girl?" sakjds

this is the best 3 panels in existence.

h-he just took your hand dohye idk what to tell you

[mei: "you blush at everything i do" god if that isn't me, idk what is]

awww its cute dohye is getting bonus points bc he invited Noah over while his mom wasnt home, they watched some sexual stuff and he DIDNT try to do anything what is this where can i get more of this

"well im not okay"

MY BABIESSSS 

they still didnt do much btw they're just kinda exploring and its honestly nice TvT I dont want this to ever endddd

[Dohye sees Noah’s sister and approaches her] N O

N OOOO

this is the starttttt of something.......... TERRIBLEEEE 

:((( babyyyy

I AM EMO

Noah was drugged im sure. hes having dreams and waking up in pain and the sister is asking doyhe over I DONT LIKE THISSSSSSS OH HE DECLINED

OKAY OKAY he saw him with her again but it was from behind and im not sure if it rly happened??? oh no this is terrible. Noah :((( poor child

i am so emo about this

[reminder he’s been abused TvT]

[the sister: “Don’t you want to know why?”]

i will. murder someone he called to ask her to delete his number btw what is this manwha but this is just gonna make it that more tragic when whatever happens that breaks them apart :(((

he's such a good bf but Noah just wont TELL him his side I'M SO SAD

I AM SO SAD

No

NO

It cant end im actually tearing up nooo you were so cuteeee and happpyyy

[*sister is telling dohye to come to the gym hall*]

what else is she gonna do she already teared [current tori: ahem... T O R E] them apart THAT'S NOT DOYhE. THATS NEVER HIM. OH MY GOD. is it a look alike??? damn, she's dedicated to just. ruining it, huh

I’M

I’M SO SAD

now he's switching SCHOOLS NO NOOOOO how will i ever find happiness againnnn NO they're misunderstanding further they're not talking properly i mean i get it but oh my god

I'M :((( 

NO NOOOO pls make up in the future at least omg he tried to clear it up tooo ahhh i dont even have hopes for them getting back together but i just i want them to clear it up im crying first manwha to make me cry and it's this dumpster fire ahaha maybe a little too bc it kinda hit a little close to home i guess but goddamnn ittttt they were so cuteee and so happy and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OH NO. Noahs getting drugged and assaulted. And he's realizing it happened before, he just forgot. I am. so sad it's not horny drawn either which i appreciate but MY HEART NO

N O DONT YOU DARE MAKE THIS WORSE

Im. gonna cry more 

Doyhe kept an eye on him im so emo :(( but he thought he was doing well enough and gave up.... Im im so sad no i want you to make up and get back together its all just a stupid........... MEHHHH will i ever find sth like this flashback again

[mei: p-probably not, no]

i am so devasted i dont even wanna go back to the main couple just fucking. i want this relationship back :(((( but i guess the investigation might end up somewhere so hhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhh the baker manwha had a similar flashback feeling so. i just gotta find more of that haha

BUT THIS WAS SO SAD??? im so emo

[Dohye got kidnapped // the flashback commentary stops here but I think my descend into madness is pretty funny too]

OH YEAH THAT HAPPENED. THE FLASHBACK WAS SO LONG I FORGOT. NOOOO SAVE HIM. JESUS CHRIST PLS JUST ONE GOOD THING

its. actually rly smart to have another, more focused on them flashback, before the arc where he gets kidnapped by the rapist murder household so. good job. from a meta perspective but also NO but also. maybe theres hope for them making up at least after all :(((

[main couple kissing] this is. very weird now. but im glad he has someone, he deserves it but dohyeeeee

and switching to sex, YET AGAIN now i wanna see this EVEN LESS THAN I DID BEFOREEEE it's even.... a threesome now with one of the other characters why are you like this why can't you be. like in the flashback i am so upset HAHHHHH WHEEEZEEEE

I am just stop fucking jesus christ PLEASE I DONT WANNA SEE IT ANYMOREEEEE

im just stop the horny pls just tell me who that new guy is and why doyhe likes him so much

[mei: this manwha is a fucking mess but at least we got your lovely commentary out of it]

dhsuksj thanks i feel honored at least i got cute BL out of it before everything went [back] to shit

[mei: THAT TOO]

[...]

tbh im getting kinda mad about doyhe... i dont... feel like he'd just fall instantly for a guy who looks like Noah... but eh not my character

i just want closure for dohye at this point, fuck everything else ... not literally pls theres already too much of that

pls get it together for like 1 chapter is the investigation even still happening i am so confused save dohye plEASE wait what i have less than 10 episodes left Dont tell me this shit isnt even wrapped up yet

[Dohye is having a breakdown over the Noah double not coming to see him anymore]

yeah i this... doesnt feel like Dohye... at all... Even when Noah was rejecting him he was just kind of... taking it with some humor and maybe he was a little desperate and risky sometimes but... oh well... i do want him to get better but... im having a hard time believeing this development??? he never seemed overly anxious or anything. but who knows what else they did to him. Sister can still go fuck off tho

[...]

i mean. i liked the flashbacks a lot honestly??? it stayed simple and focused on the dynamics and less trying to balance smut with murder plots

[dm partner: NO THAT'S WHAT I MEAN LIKE CLEARLY THE AUTHOR CAN MAKE A GOOD STORY SO I'M JUST... CONFUSED AS TO WHY THEY DIDN'T STICK WITH SOME SOFT, FLUFFY BL ROMANCE MANWHA AND DECIDED TO MAKE WHATEVER THIS IS INSTEAD ]

okay i dont care bc dohye is currently getting assaulted nobody asked for this why i just. this is terrible. he was... so sweet. he doesnt deserve this. nobody does of course but jesus christ pls someone save him at least its not horny visually, one saving grace

ah... the assult is back to being depicted horny-ly thank you for nothing

[... removed some general confusion about the plot]

YES. SOME SHIP FOOD.

i am. suffering i mean i cant stop but GOD

okay so apparantly. the sister. has just an arsenal of people who look like other people Dohye, then Noah... and even Noah's GF??? this is ridiculous??

one good message 

why 

did you feel the need to add that [actual tired rage]

im gonna die this manwha is gonna kill me im laughing but im suffering oh hes arrested great and thats the end and the last update was in january of this year

why AS IN NOAH IS ARRESTED nobody who actually did anything is arrested What is this why is this AHHH I at least wanted the complete-ness of finishing this but now I'M JUST SUFFERING

[ mei: I MEAN TO BE FAIR I'D BE SUFFERING TOO BC JUST... WHAT THE FUCK I HAVE?? MANY QUESTIONS?? AND MANY CONCERNS BC THIS MANWHA IS JUST... AN EXPERIENCE ]

its an experience allright WELL

_______________

yup that’s it.

in my head, in a twist of events Dohye and Noah make up and are actual endgame. Something like that must exist out there but I won’t ask because it’d destroy the surprise and ruin the point.

That’s it.

Have a nice day.

[kaiparker-avengerssmut]

PART ONE

LOVE OR HATE?

WARNINGS: mild swearing, slight violence

WORD COUNT:2242

When Katie's younger sister comes on the field trip with her, they meet Officer Jake Riley. Instantly there's some kind of hatred forming between her and Jake, but, when both of their worlds go spiralling, they both have to question if it was really hate or a disguised love?

Y/n and Katie had always been extremely close - especially for sisters with a five year age gap. They both lived together - y/n worked as an artist and Katie was a teacher at the local elementary school. That's what landed y/n here, in a hospital waiting room while the whole building was in a 48 hour lockdown. Great. Katie has persuaded y/n to come on a field trip to the hospital with her and the kids, and now she was sat in a chair, playing with the rings on her right hand, bored out of her mind. It had been 20 minutes. She was already bored. This was going to be fun.

Suddenly, Katie rushes up to her, clearly in a flat panic. "Y/n, I've lost Quentin! And his friend, Thomas. I don't know what to do! I can't believe I wasn't looking out for them more, I-" y/n cut her off, "hey, Kates, it'll all be fine, I'll go find the boys. You stay here and keep an eye on everyone else. I won't be long." Y/n stood up and walked out the room.

She eventually made it to the basement floor, walking through a dingy, tiled corridor. "Hey! Put your hands where I can see 'em! Stay 4-6 feet away." She heard a strong, male voice boom behind her. She rolled her eyes and put her hands up, slowly turning around. "Is this really necessary?" She sassed, noticing the gun pointing straight at her heart. The man holding it was handsome, with dark brown hair and piercing blue eyes. He had a bit of scruff and was clearly very muscular. "You can't be down here, miss." He continued, holding a dominant tone. She rolled her eyes again - god, cops always assumed anyone they spoke to was some kind of assassin or mass-murderer. "You can drop the gun, cop-boy. I'm just looking for my nephew and his friend. I'm no national threat or anything." He lowered the gun slightly and continued, "1) I decide when it's appropriate to drop the gun, 2) don't insult a cop, or I'll have to cuff you and 3) why is your nephew and his friend in a restricted area of a hospital?" She huffed and dropped her hands to her sides as he took a few steps forward, dropping his gun to his side. "1) 4-6 feet, buddy, 2) is like to see you try and 3) well they're not anywhere else in this building and it's not like any of us are getting out any time soon, is it?" He closed the gap between them and spun y/n around, pushing her into the wall. "I will punch you if you don't let go if me." She said through gritted teeth. He leant down so he could talk into her ear. "Yeah, well I'm still the cop and you're making open threats to me. And these kids must be stupid or something. I'll find them - now is no time to let your kids off their leash." She rolled her eyes and stamped on his foot. He tightened his grip on her wrists, seemingly unphased by y/n's action. "You are in so much trouble - but I'll let it slide, just this once. One puny girl looking for some elementary school kids is the least of my problems right now." He said into her ear again. He released her wrists and took a step back. She stood away and rubbed her wrists.

"We better get going then." Y/n said, continuing marching down the corridor. The guy jogged up to her again. "Hey! There's no 'we' about this! I'm going and that's finial." Y/n spun on her heal to look at him, "look no offence, cop-boy, but I promised my sister I'd find these kids and get them back safely, I don't really care what uniform you're wearing I just want to find my nephew unharmed and healthy, got it?" She stormed off, eventually finding her way into a room where then man with the rats from before sat, two little boys in front of him. "Miss wait i-" the guy continued on until I cut him off, "Quentin! Thomas! Your mum was worried sick!" Y/n said kindly to the boys, she looked up at the guy with the rats, "I hope they weren't troubling you?" He smiled at her and waved her off, "oh no, no. They were perfectly fine." She smiled and crouched down, looking at the boys, "what do we say, boys?" She said with a smile. They both turned to the man and said thank you. Y/n stood up and looked at him, a warm expression on her face, "thank you." He smiled back, "anytime."

She stood up and turned around, ushering the boys out the door. As she went to walk through the guy grabbed her upper arm, "we are not done talking. Meet me back in that hallway in an hour." Y/n raised and eyebrow, "so what you're saying is you'd like to see me again? How flattering ." Before shoving past him, catching up to the boys.

Y/n quickly got fed up with the noise in the waiting room, so she grabbed her sketch-pad and a pencil and headed down to the corridor - hoping to find some quiet. She was 45 minutes early but she didn't really care. Once she got there she slid down the wall, moving her feet up so she could use her thighs as a rest for the lag while she drew. She started to sketch on the pad, letting the pencil take her where it wanted, her imagination going wild. She was pulled out of her trace to someone deliberately clearing their throat. She looked up to see the cop from before towering over her. "Miss-" he stopped as y/n cut in, "y/n." He continued, "miss y/n, mind if I join you?" He said sourly. "I don't really have a choice, do I?" He laughed and slouched against the opposite wall. "No."

Y/b laughed back. "So, Officer-" he cut her off this time. "Riley. Officer Jake Riley." Y/n continued, "right, cop-boy, what is it you so desperately needed to see me for again?" He tone had a slight annoyance in it. "Well, you did insult an cop. And you assaulted me." Y/n waved it off, "pfff, you barely felt it. It was light tread." He shot her a warning look. "So, y/n. Why do you think it's alright to insult a cop?" he said. She thought about it for a second before retorting, "because you're all dicks." He raised his eyebrows. "Is that so?" She nodded her head. "Huh, thanks for the information. So, would you like to tell me why me and everyone I work with are suddenly all dicks?" He seemed amused at her statement and her boldness. She sighed and finally answered, "because you don't respect people. You treat us all like sociopaths, or objects." She spat. He chuckled, "I'm beginning I get the feeling you had a bad experience with a cop?" She nodded her head again. "What happened?" He pressed on. She sighed again, debating whether she should tell him the whole story. "Fine. I was in training, fulfilling my childhood dream of helping people. I was with the Officer I trusted most that helped out at the academy. He'd offered to hive me extra training so I took it. We were out of a run when all of a sudden he shoved me into an alleyway, pinning me against the wall. I started choking as his grip got tighter. I managed out a scream and someone heard, the looked into the ally and he shot them, before proceeding to, to, um..." Jake leaned forward a bit, "What did he do, y/n?" She swallow, "he raped me." She said almost silently, but he must've heard because realisation flickered over his features. "You're Y/n Frank, aren't you?" She nodded weakly. All colour seemed to drain from his face. "That was one of my first cases. I was the one who arrested him, but by the time I got there you were already in the ambulance and my partner was the one taking the statement. I'm so sorry." He said, his voice full of pity. "I don't need your pity. Anyway, after that I couldn't stand to wear the same uniform he had, so I dropped out with only one month to go until I would have been a cop. Then I decided to peruse my dream of art." She made unenthusiastic jazz hands as if to make it sound magical.

Y/n stood up. "Are we done now? Can I go?" Jake nodded. She walked off without another word.

————————————————————————

Over the days y/n could see Jake and Katie growing closer, both spending their free time together. When the lockdown was extended Jake came straight to y/n, who was laying on her front on her makeshift bed, sketching. "Hey, trouble, can I speak to you for a second?" Jake said commandingly. Y/n rolled her eyes. "That want a question, was it?" He shook his head. She sighed and got up, putting her pad under the bed. "Follow me." He said sternly. He lead her down to the corridor. Once there he turned to face her, "look, I'm running low on men. Like, really low. There's seven cops with side and over 400 citizens." Y/n shrugged, not bothering to make eye-contact with him. "Then just get done more send over." He sighed. "We can't - no one in and no one out." Y/n finally looked up. "Okayyy, so what do you want me to do about it?" His expression was completely serious, it was actually kind of scary. "I want you to help me, become my deputy. You've have complete training all you need is a gun and a vest, both of which I can get for you." Y/n rolled her eyes, "look, cop-boy. I dropped out for a reason. I don't want to do it and I shouldn't have too. And what do you need cops for, exactly? It's a virus, not a war." He sighed again, "look, y/n, please. Just do one patrol and decide from there. You haven't left the building. It's awful out there - robberies, murders, gang violence. I could really use the help." Y/n thought for a moment. "Fine. One patrol. That's it." He nodded. "Okay then, when do we leave?"

————————————————————————

A few hours later y/n found herself sitting in the passenger seat of Jake's squad car, in a bullet-proof vest and holding a gun. God. How her life has changed in less than a week. She'd give nothing more than to be in the spare room at home - which she used as her studio - music blaring in her headphone and paintbrush in hand. Jake was right, it was a mess out here. There were dead bodies littering the streets, windows of shops and houses broken and cars left abandoned and wrecked on the roadsides. They suddenly heard the rumble of motorbikes, the noise surrounding them. "Crap." Jake muttered. Panic shot through her. "Jake, what's happening?" He cursed again. "Gang members. Meth heads. Normally the unpredictable ones." Oh god. This wasn't good. Jake pulled the car to a stop, hoping they would all ride past.

Unfortunately for them, the gang decided to attack someone. Jake barrels out the car pulling out his and and running to stand in-front of the old woman. Y/n followed closely behind, as much as she hated the idea of being a cop now, she had very strong reasons in the first place and always felt the need to protect those around her. The motorcyclists swarmed around them, creating a cloud of dust that engulfed them. The dust cleared for a second and Jake took a shot, just missing one of the 5 men. Y/n lined up her shit with one riding towards her, taking a careful shot and hitting him in the heart. His lifeless body toppled off the bike, landing with a thud on the grass. When the others noticed, they were quick to leave, clearly phased by death. "Few, that was a close one." Y/n said in relief. Jake helped the woman across the road, sending her in her way. He motioned to y/n with his hand and she jogged over to the car.

As she climbed in and out her helmet at her feet, Jake let out a strange laugh. "H-how are you so good with a gun? You haven't shot one for what - 3 years?" He looked at her, mesmerised. "I don't know. I was always good at stuff like that, darts, archery at camp, anything with a target I guess." She shrugged. "Jeez you would have made one hell of a cop." He said almost to himself, starting the engine back up.

[chosenfamily-valkyriequeens]

Personal opinion: Nesta Archeron deserves better

Nesta is definitely closed off and hurt by what had happened to her, and for completely understandable reasons. It angers me that Rhys is so heartless and an a**hole when it comes to Nesta—like Feyre did go through trauma too, some from their childhood (everyone’s trauma is different yes) but y’all didn’t just expect her to be okay the next day, why would Nesta be any different!

Mor as well is bugging me and she is just acting like a straight up b*tch for no reason besides being jealous and petty over Cassian and Nesta’s budding relationship and Feyre’s hurt feelings. Mor more than anyone should understand what Nesta is going through considering the sexual assault. I hope the two of them realize how wrong they’ve been to treat her so cruelly. Personally I’d like it to be a dramatic Nesta is about to die and they’ve found out the truth about her past and that she’s always loved her sisters and they are like “I’m so sorry please forgive me for being an a**hat” but who knows;)

Nesta’s character is so complex, intelligent and dark, she’s my favorite character out of every book I’ve ever read—and I’ve read A LOT of books. She’s so relatable to anyone who’s felt like the mistreated, worthless, unloved, unwanted, charity case of the family or friend group, when no one valued your side of the story to favor a biased version. And everyone goes through this feeling at least once in their life. This attitude towards Nesta becomes a single story mindset that is so toxic, and the “inner circle”—minus Cassian every now and then( haven’t forgotten about the “your sister care for you and I don’t understand why but they do” part)—is falling into it.

They are so protective of Feyre that they aren’t realizing they are ignoring someone who clearly needs help but doesn’t know how to or doesn’t want to ask for help yet. You can’t pressure someone into asking for help, the have to want to be helped before anything can happen.

I’m not sure how I really feel about her being BANISHED to the mountains with Cassian, I really love them together and want them to be endgame. But how they went about deciding her life without her opinion upsets me. Yes she isn’t in the best to be making life decisions alone, but it’s still HER LIFE she should have a say in what’s happening.

When Feyre was brought to the Night Court it took her months to open up to them, longer for her to even fucking smile! She’d been kidnapped and killed and then she was stuck in a toxic relationship and she needed to figure out how to love herself and be okay with her new body first before she started any type of relationship with Rhys and the inner circle. She didn’t just click her fingers and wish away the pain, it took her a long time to cope with what happened.

Nesta should be given the same courtesy. She at a young age was told she was only good for marrying for status and wealth and having children by her mother who never showed her much attention, her father was always gone and lost all their money putting them all in jeopardy. She wanted to believe her father was the knight in shining armor that would fight for them and save them—but he didn’t. She was almost raped and was sexually assaulted by someone she thought cared about her. Was then later dragged out of her bed and was DROWNED&KILLED turing into a thing she had feared her while life. But not before having to watch as her sister was killed right before her eyes and turned as well. You don’t just get over that with a snap of your fingers.

It kills me that people are so upset about Nesta not stepping up and helping as the oldest. SHE WAS A CHILD, yes so was Feyre but don’t forget that Nesta too was a little girl, heartbroken that her family life was destroyed, her mother dead and her father not the hero she thought he would be. Everyone deals with pain different. She was raised to believe her only purpose was to marry and have children, not go out and kill animals in the woods.

Feyre being the youngest daughter was probably not subjected to the lessons Nesta was to become a perfect wife, giving her more time to be kid and play and be a little bit more outgoing—most likely what lead her to be the provider.

(the reading lessons I feel was unfortunate, she forgot overtime for not practicing—not saying that was her fault ether, but I 100% believe that if Nesta had known she couldn’t read she would have taught her. Just think about it, Nesta loves to read, it’s empowering and she would definitely teach her had Feyre asked for it, because no one knew she couldn’t read, they even mention that in the books, Nesta said she would’ve taught her had she known she didn’t know how.)

Nesta wasn’t raised to be like that, so don’t expect her to just wake up and forget the years of programming her mother had drilled into her head. Let’s also not forget Elian is older than Feyre too, they really just brush over her and ignore that she too didn’t help provide for the family ether, yet the inner circle welcomed her with open arms because she’s quite and shy and won’t fight back or lash out for her feelings being hurt.

Nesta also was probably embarrassed that she didn’t know how to help, and didn’t know how to ask. People tend to skip over parts that they don’t like to focus on the parts they only want to see. Nesta went out and cut the wood when Feyre asked, Nesta went into the woods to go get Feyre back, she offered up her story to the high lords for the war, she wanted to learn how to fight so she would be helpful, how to use her powers, but do we hear anyone talking about that in the inner circle? No. And that pisses me off.

When the two Ravens came after them in the library she didn’t want to leave Feyre alone to fight them. She stayed and only went when Feyre told her to go find help. She wanted them to have an advantage in the war so she stayed and fought, made herself a distraction so they could get to the cauldron and keep the king distracted. Cassian was about to die and instead of running like he told her to she picked up his sword and tried to fight and when it failed she covered his body with her own, they wouldn’t die alone, they’d go together.

Her charter traits amaze me because if she were a male character I’m almost 99% certain none of us would be having this conversation about how “he” is a bitch that doesn’t deserve to be happy. If she was a male it would be socially acceptable that he is this way because he had a “troubled past” and he’s “dealing with it” he can drink and fuck whoever because he’s “healing” and that’s what guys do. No one would question it. The allure of the bad boy is so captivating that we ignore that they’ve made mistakes. But the minute you make them a female the are automatically a bitch and deserve to be hated because that’s not how a female should act.

Double standards exist in the books we read as well as the world we live in. It’s easy to forget that because we want to believe that the fantasy we have created is perfect when in reality it’s flawed. Flawed characters make for the best stories because they are the most relatable and REAL.

Nesta is probably the most real and relatable character to ever be created. She’s made mistakes, she’s made up of flaws, she been hurt but continues to go through life with her head held high. She doesn’t give two shits about what people think of her. She runs her life how she wants it. She doesn’t stand for people treating her like crap. She’s quick to say something back to defend herself or deflect it to something else. She’s intelligent and smart. She knew how many ships were needed to save the humans she cares about others.

But she is also flawed. It’s hard for her to feel emotions, to be open and understand other peoples emotions. She’s quick tempered and hot headed, but she’s also caring and passionate about the people she cares about. She would lay down her life if it meant she would save the people she cares about.

At the end of the war she’s hit with the reality that her father actually cared about them and she watched him be KILLED right in front of her, if that doesn’t speak volumes about scaring emotional trauma I don’t know what does.

She also has to come to terms with the fact that shes killed people. Jus because they were bad doesn’t mean that killing them was easy and didn’t effect her. The power burst saved them all but it also ended thousands of lives, regardless of what they did she has to live with the fact that she has ended another persons life. Even the King of Hybern’s death might not be easy for her to deal with. She ripped his head from his body, that would give any sane person nightmares.

She has had less that three months to cope with her new body and magic and is thrown into a war and watches the people around her are dying. That’s probably why she helps out in the medic tent and tends to the wounded, she can’t really fight so she finds something to do to help.

Side note: when she was helping in the medic tents during the war do you all remember the scene when she noticed Cassian’s hand was hurt? She literally took care of him. She might not show emotion often but when she does it speaks volumes. And then Cassian had to go and rip his hand away from her when Mor walked in. That probably made her feel like he was embarrassed to be seen with her. That’s she’s not worth being around if people don’t like her and will judge him if he’s seen with her.

For her PTSD It mentions how every time she lights a fire all she can hear is bones popping and necks snapping—I wouldn’t want to light a fire ether if that’s all I thought about and heard. The bath tub has me reeling. She’s forced herself to get over her fear because she thinks she deserves the pain is causes her. She stopped eating and taking care of herself because she thought she deserved to punish herself.

And the biggest problem I had with the inner circle—Cassain included this time, was solstice. Not one present for her besides Elain(and whatever the hell cassian threw in the damn river!!), and they practically forced her to go and they didn’t even get her anything! What the heck!!! I mean sure she didn’t get them anything, but she’s never celebrated this before how would she know? And it’s not like she had the money ether. Yes it was Feyre’s birthday but she also probably didn’t know what to get her with the bad place they were in at the moment. And there was not one painting of her in the entire house. I would feel uncomfortable and unwanted too if I was her. They don’t like how she chose to deal with her pain and they try to fix her pain, instead of listening to her pain and what SHE needs verses what THEY think she needs.

They only do what they want because they want to sweep it under the rug and move on. Because they don’t want poor fragile Feyre to feel sad. Fuck them honestly. If Nesta’s not ready to deal she’s not ready to deal giver her her damn space and time.

She needs to hit rock bottom before she’s ready to climb back to the surface. And all the the inner circle has had hundreds of years to cope with their pain and know what works for them. Nesta is a 22 year old women. She’s not developed the right ways to cope with death and tragedy yet, she needs to figure out what works best for her and that’s okay, she should be able to learn what works for her, not be forced to try what works for others.

Nesta is Depressed, she’s shown clear signs of PTSD, as well and Anxiety. You don’t just get over those because people are done with your mopping, they take time and sometimes they never go away you just learn how to cope with them when they flare up. You can’t just stuff it into a jar and hope it never comes out. It doesn’t work that way. And the 500+ year old Fae should understand that!!!!

Her drinking and having sex is her way of trying to feel something as well as not feeling anything. Again if she was a male character no one would be having a problem with this. Cassian and the other go out and drink for no reason and no one gets on them about it. Rhys said the day Feyre was going to marry Tamlin he was going to be piss drunk to not feel anything. And can you imagine what he would’ve been like had Feyre actually married Tamlin? He’d be wreak, and probably end up destroying himself because of his broken-heartedness.

Another thing about her going to the camps is, she has extreme PTSD from the war and from her sexual assault with Tomas. And now she being sent into what will probably be another war. A camp where all males do is fight all day—not good for someone who has PTSD about fighting. A place where women are treated like breeders and objects—not good for some who has sexual assault trauma. And they just expect her to be fine?! Noooooo!!!

She is going to struggle and not in the good way that gets her to feel again. She’s going to be pushed beyond her limits in a bad way and this could ultimately be what destroys her. My only hope is that the other females recognize what’s she’s going through and find a positive way to support her. I want her to have her own group of strong empowering and compassionate females and males in her new friend group.

The inner definitely doesn’t deserve to have Nesta in their “happy little circle” as Nesta puts it. She is someone I’d want to be friends with because she’d go to the ends of the earth to help her friends and the inner circle doesn’t understand that she DOES have a heart, she is just scared of it getting hurt and broken because she let herself love someone and be loved by someone, to only end up getting hurt the same way she did by Tomas. Trust is hard to build when it’s been broken time and time again.

Things I want from ACOSF is for Nesta to get better all on her own. To ignore the inner circle—minus Cassian sometimes, I do love their banter and I want to see some fluff and sexual tension/frustration and smut from them, as well as a good heart to heart with some tears on both sides about their pasts. Her to United the camp lords. Befriend Devlon—have a father daughter relationship with the dude, change the way females are treated in the camps. Come into her powers. Have Cassian stand up to his family and defend Nesta(she’s probs had no one EVER stand up for her before). For her to ABSOLUTELY NOT apologize to the inner circle, they should apologize to her only for treating her like crap and holding her last mistakes over her head like a sword waiting to cop her head off if she makes one wrong move . For Nesta to befriend Bryaxis—OMG how awesome that would be!!! Hahahaha. Maybe The Court of Nightmares cameo. Find out who Cassian saw in the prison, as well as WHAT THE BLOODY HELL CASSIAN THREW INTO THE SIDRA ON SOLOIST!!!! And hopefully the Ilyrians will become independent from the Night Court with the help of Nesta as their newQueen—Sarah has called her a queen without a throne, if this doesn’t happen then I quit. And maybe Cassain ruling with her. Oh and of course NESSIAN MATES AS ENDGAME!!!!!!!!

I hope Nesta gets her deserved happy ending, regardless of whether or not the inner circle is involved in her healing and empowerment. She is a Queen, and nothing will stop her from owning her life and getting her happiness like she deserves!<3

Sorry for the rant:)

#nesta #acotar #acomaf #acowar #acofas #acosf #sarajmaas #cassian #nessian #queennesta

[citrinekay]

Ok, prompt if you’re willing: Protective!Bill losing his cool and coming to Holden’s aid, whether emotionally or during a physical altercation.

This was a fun one! :) Thanks for the prompt!

tw for mentions of rape and violence

Under the bleached, panel lights, the line of sweat making its way down Holden’s temple gleams against his flushed skin. After an hour inside this cramped, poorly ventilated room in a forgotten corner of the Louisiana State Penitentiary, he’s sweated through both his undershirt and button-up, but Bill can’t tell whether it’s the unforgiving heat or nerves. 

Leaning back in his chair, Bill scrounges in his trouser pocket for his cigarettes. As he lights up, his gaze wanders back and forth between Holden and their interview subject, John Jacob McMillan. The man has been stalling for an hour, giving up only minor details, and a few muttered comments about the childhood of abusive tutoring he and his sister had endured at their father’s hand. 

Holden shifts forward in his chair, one hand swiping discreetly at the sweat on his forehead. His breathing is too staggered to be normal. 

“So your father … he taught you how to rape women.” Holden says, his voice soft around the harsh details. 

McMillan’s shoulders lift in a non committal response. 

“Is that why you did what you did?” Holden asks, “Because he taught you that women are trash?”

“He taught me right.” McMillan says, his deep, Southern accent scratchy and gruff. “My mother, she was nothing but a whore. Always running around behind his back. Up and left us when we were no more than nine years old. I learned young the ways of the world. No female after her ever proved me wrong.”

“Does that include your sister?” Holden asks, cutting Bill a pointed glance. 

Bill leans forward to open the folder containing all the details of McMillan’s crimes.

“She was your first victim, right?” Holden asks, “Your father taught you how to put a woman in her place using her.”

McMillan’s relaxed posture stiffens. His hollow eyes go dark, and his lips tremble as he leans forward to plant his elbows on the table. He’s a big man; the gesture makes the whole table shake, metal legs screeching against the cement floor in Bill and Holden’s direction. 

“I love my sister.”

“Rose.” Holden says, not breaking eye contact as he holds out his hand to Bill. 

Bill takes the photograph from inside the folder and puts it in his hand. 

“Pretty name. Pretty girl.” Holden says, extending the picture to McMillan. 

McMillan stares at the youthful picture of his sister, at the time maybe ten years old. Dark eyes betray a depth of sorrow that doesn’t translate to her smiling mouth. 

“I can see why.” Holden says, “So, you’re saying every woman you’ve ever met was her a whore, but not her?” 

“You don’t talk about my sister like that.” McMillan barks, jabbing a finger at Holden from across the table. “Rose is not a whore.”

“Is that why you killed all those women?” Holden presses, “You loved her, but look what you did to her. You hurt her, over and over. She didn’t love you back, did she?” 

“You shut your mouth-”

“She ran away from you.” Holden says, holding out his hand again. 

Bill clenches his jaw as he watches McMillan closely. The man is shaking, jowls trembling with suppressed rage, eyes afire. 

“She ran away from you and fucked some other guy.” Holden says, snapping his fingers at Bill. 

Bill pulls out the second photograph and hands it over. 

“Look.” Holden says, shoving the picture in McMillan’s face. “Not only did she fuck some other guy - she fucked more than one, and now she has two bastard kids because of it.”

Bill leans in to say something, to perhaps slow the direct pace of the interview because he can see McMillan beginning to come apart at the seams. He can see the rage building in the clench of McMillan’s jaw, the red flush creeping up his cheeks, his meaty hands curling into fists against the metal table. He can see Holden leaning too close, his hand extended with the picture, pale wrist exposed above his rolled-up shirtsleeve. 

But he’s already too late. 

McMillan lunges out of the chair, batting the picture from Holden’s fingers with one giant pair of knuckles while the other darts across the table seize Holden’s tie. In the space of a second, Holden his yanked out of his chair and halfway across the table by McMillan’s fist wrapping itself around his tie. 

Metal screeches as the table lurches between them and Bill knocks his chair back in his rush to break them apart. 

“You don’t talk about her like that!” McMillan shouts, his fist pulling viciously at Holden’s tie. 

Holden chokes, both hands batting at McMillan’s barrel chest. 

Bill throws himself between them, his shoulder leveraging back against Holden’s chest as he wraps both hands around McMillan’s wrist. 

“Let go!” Bill growls, shooting McMillan a glare. 

McMillan only pulls harder, his face twisted with senseless rage. 

Bill pushes back against his wrist, feeling Holden’s fingers knotting in the back of his shirt, clinging on. 

“Last chance, McMillan. Let him go!”

McMillan’s fist locks under Bill’s grip. Bill hears Holden wheezing, and a territorial part of his brain takes over. He can hear the clatter of keys opening up the door of the room as the guards rush in to assist them, but his fist is already in motion.

 Pain explodes through his knuckles as his fist collides with McMillan’s jaw, but the surge of adrenaline in his veins all but drowns out the sensation. 

McMillan’s head swings to one side, the anger in his eyes dimming as he’s undoubtedly seeing stars rather than fire. His fist loosens, and Bill shoves him back. He topples backwards, hitting his chair before stumbling to the ground. 

Bill and Holden stagger back from the table as two guards enter the room, batons drawn. 

“Get on your stomach, McMillan. Hands behind your back!” One of them shouts, pulling his handcuffs from his belt. 

“Are you guys okay?” The other guard asks, turning to Bill and Holden. 

Ignoring the guard’s question, Bill turns to grasp Holden’s elbow. Holden stumbles against him, breathing heavily and grasping at his throat. 

“Can you breathe?” Bill asks. 

Holden’s gaze darts up for a moment, and Bill glimpses tears swimming against his bloodshot eyes. His mouth hangs open, drawing in scraped, gasping breaths. Both hands cling to the front of Bill’s shirts, knuckles blanched white in horror. 

“Holden, are you okay?”

Holden gives a slight shake of his head. 

“Do you guys need a doctor?” The guard asks as he helps his partner drag McMillan up from the floor by his handcuffs. 

“No.” Holden whispers, his voice trembling yet firm. 

“No, we’re fine.” Bill says, “Can you just tell me where the nearest bathroom is?” 

“Down the hall to your left. End of the hall.”

“Thanks.”

Wrapping an arm around Holden’s waist, Bill leads them slowly out of the room. The hall is utterly quiet save for the distant echo of slamming bars and prisoners shouting. Holden’s panicked breaths scrape loudly against the hollow cement walls, amplifying the muted fear until it’s all Bill can focus on. Worry climbs his chest like suffocating vines, and he thinks of chasing the guards down and telling them to get a doctor. Holden is sick, he doesn’t know what’s best for him; but Holden might not forgive him if he wound up in another hospital bed, tied down like Vacaville. 

When they reach the bathroom, Bill shoulders his way inside, and leads Holden to the row of sinks where the overhead lights cast their reflection in glaring yellow. Holden’s skin is sallow white, misted over with perspiration and few stray tears. 

Bill reaches into his pocket to locate the bottle of Valium. 

Holden leans heavily against the sink. “I’m fine, Bill.”

“You’re not.” Bill says, uncapping the bottle. “Hold out your hand.”

Holden presses his eyes shut for a moment before opening his hand

Bill taps two of the pills into his palm, and cranks on the faucet. 

Holden pops the pills in his mouth, and bends down to cradle his hands under the stream of water. He drinks from his palms and swallows the pills down before straightening. 

Bill grabs a handful of paper towels and offers them to him. 

“You don’t know when to stop, do you?” Bill asks, tamping down his budding concern with the gruff observation. 

“He wasn’t talking.” Holden whispers, tossing the balled up paper towels into the bin with a heavy sigh. “We knew we were going to have to bring in the picture of his sister.”

“Yeah, we knew that. We didn’t know he was going to physically assault you.” Bill says, “We’re going to have to write up a report, you know.”

“Yeah, I know.” Holden says, rubbing his eyelids.

The bathroom is quiet for a moment, the seconds punctuated solely by the drip of water hitting the sink drain. 

Bill curls his hands into a fist at his sides, holding himself back from touching Holden again. His chest is still pounding with lingering adrenaline, but deeper, some primal part of his brain wants to reach out and wrap Holden up in his arms until the fear retreats and the assault is nothing more than a bad dream. 

Holden draws in a shaky breath. “Thank you, Bill.”

“For what?” 

Holden peeks up at him, eyes wide and tentative. “For what you did. He could have really hurt me.”

“I wasn’t going to let that happen.” Bill says, “But I hope you learned something in there about which lines not to cross.”

Holden mouth purses in a meek smile. “Yeah.”

Bill sighs, and shifts closer, his gaze wandering over Holden’s neck. “Is your throat okay?”

Holden lifts his chin, and loosens his tie. “Yeah, it’s a little sore.”

Bill clenches his jaw. His hand rises, unbidden. Holden’s skin is soft beneath his thumb, his pulse pounding vividly, his throat knotting with a thick swallow.  He shifts closer into Bill’s caress, his eyelids slipping shut over hazy blue still faintly moist. 

Bill retrieves his hand, but Holden leans into him, the weight of his body settling into Bill’s chest with a deflating sigh. His forehead nestles against Bill’s shoulder, neatly as if that’s right where it belongs. 

Bill hesitates to return the embrace as a ripple of tension draws his muscles taut. Their reflection is barely a foot away, sudden, quiet intimacy retained in the water-stained glass. Bill glances away from the mirror, ignoring the pang of panic that runs through his chest at their closeness. Despite the tremor working down his spine, he settles his palm against Holden’s back. For a moment, the world stops its violent turning, and the fire in his blood cools down to a contented warmth. 

It lasts for just a minute, but when Holden pulls away, Bill feels a dismayed yearning open up in his chest. 

They don’t exchange anymore words as they go back down the hall to retrieve their things. The warden is waiting for them with the proper paperwork. Bill fills out the report, including everything except the private embrace - that moment he will quietly carry with him back home.

[mikeshanlon]

Happy Pride! .... Like... more than halfway through the month lmao sorry, better late than never ig! I’ve compiled a list of some of my fave LGBT+ books, as well as a few I’m planning to read for pride/in the near future. Please feel free to reblog and add some of your own recs, especially for the sexual and gender identities that are lacking in my list!!!!!

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz: This beautiful, wholesome coming of age novel is pretty popular on tumblr and with good reason! It’s set in the 1980′s and follows Aristotle, aka "Ari”, as he grows up an tackles with his identity-- he feels like his story is written by someone else, that his path is not up to his control. Whether this is due to his complex relationship with his family, or societal expectations/stereotypes of Latinx men, or the fact that maybe his friendship with Dante might be more than that, and that kinda terrifies him. (Rep: Gay, Latinx, (I believe this is own voices) Warnings: it’s been a minute since i’ve read this but i believe some racism, internalized homophobia, and an instance of violent transphobia)

Red, White, and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston: LGKNLKNGRG okay this is truly one of my favorite books of the year so far and part of the whole reason i wanted to make this. This is a New Adult Contemporary romance set in sort of a like... parallel America where a woman won the presidential election. We follow The First Son, Alex Claremont-Diaz, who’s charming, smart ass, genius icon. Him, his sister June, and their best friend Nora are easily marketable and loved by the public for the most part, but when Alex and his rival Prince Henry of England get into a public spat at a Royal Wedding, Alex and Henry must pretend to be friends to patch up relations and public image for his mother’s re-election campaign. Eventually their fake friendship turns real, and then becomes more as they get to know each other, Alex and Henry begin a secret romance that we follow over the course of the re-election year. This book is fucking HILARIOUS (like I have so many tabs for funny moments and i was trying to be restrained), but it’s just so. Like full of love and hope and it’s so beautiful???? It’s definitely political escapism from our current situation in America but still deals with current issues such as racism and homopboia, etc, but gives the reader hope for future progress. Alex and Henry’s relationship is so fun, and sexy, and beautiful and the friendships are so iconic and Alex’s journey with sexuality is... chefs kiss. Also like. Casey McQuiston mentioned that she listened to Texas Reznikoff by Mitski a lot while writing this in the acknowledgments so. what more do you need... (Rep: Bisexual (Own Voices), Gay, Biracial-- Mexican/White (Own Voices), Warnings: Racism, homophobia, mentions of a past sexual harrassment/assault. Since this is a New Adult, there are smut scenes. I wouldn’t say it’s like. Super explicit or anything but there is sex, though it’s often during Important Moments of their relationships so it doesn’t feel like p*rn-- again the sex is happening but its not in hella explicit detail or anything or for the same goal as say an erotica. P much proceed with caution if it’s not ur thing but it’s not too wild!)

Blanca y Roja by Anna-Marie McLemore: This is sort of a Snow White/Rose Red and Ugly Duckling retelling following two sisters, Blanca and Roja, who’s family curse destines that one of the sisters will be trapped into a swan’s body, never to be seen again. (So this is magical realism lmao). We also follow two boys, Page and Yearling, who were wrapped up in the magic of the nearby woods, but have returned to society. Page is a gender queer trans male, and his whole arc that was so beautiful and made me cry, but in a good way (also warning that I’m cis so like. I would love to hear what gender queer trans individuals think about the rep in this book bc I cannot really attest to it.) This book is really about sisterly love and love in general, with all the complexities that come with it. (also wlw grandma’s who grow apple’s it’s p iconic) (Rep: Latinx-- colorism plays a huge role in the story as well (Own Voices), Gender Queer Trans, Queer (Own Voices) Warnings: Some transphobia, racism, and abuse). (I believe most of Anna-Marie McLemore’s books are magical realism and have some Latinx and queer elements to them as well)

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller: god..... This (gay ass) novelization of The Illiad is just so tragically romantic and beautiful... We follow Achilles and Patroclus as they grow up and grow closer, and eventually fight the Trojan War. There are so many beautiful quotes and scenes but like. You will most likely cry so keep that in mind eklrgerg. (Rep: Gay Warnings: Violence, there’s like..... a weird r*pe/homophobic scene)

Girls of Paper and Fire by Natasha Ngan: YA Fantasy set in a world where there are three castes: Moon-- the highest caste, demons with animalistic features in a humanoid form, Steel-- humans with part demon physical features and abilities, and Paper-- fully human, the lowest caste. We follow our protaganist Lei, who despite being a Paper caste, has beautiful golden glowing eyes that end up garnering attention from the Demon King. She’s stolen from her home and forced to join The Paper Girls-- a group of paper caste concubines in training at the palace. As she tries to find a way to escape, she ends up falling for one of the other paper girls, Wren, who might be just the key to freedom. I love Lei and Wren’s relationship and I’m excited to see it play out in the sequel! (which i believe ngan said will introduce more LGBT characters) (Rep: Asian (Own Voices), WLW (I believe this is Own Voices as well). Warnings: As their role as concubines suggest, a large part of this book revolves around the patriarchy using women for power and sexual assualt/rape. There are no explicit rape scenes-- though they do occur ‘off screen’, however there are a couple attempted sexual assault scenes that I believe could be p triggering. This book is also largely about the Paper Girls taking back their power, and I don’t believe these scenes are done for shock value, however please proceed with caution. Subsequently, sexist and patriarchial views are present within the authority, though shunned by Lei, however there’s a lot of internalized sexism and objectification among some of the other Paper Girls.)

Carry On by Rainbow Rowell: I probably don’t have to talk about this one much since it’s super popular, but in what is like essentially Harry Potter but like gay and wholesome, we follow Simon Snow, the Chosen One who’s actually not that good at magic, his best friend Penelope, and his roommate and arch nemesis that’s totally a vampire but won’t admit it, Baz. (Except Baz is, like, totally in love with Simon and Simon’s just too dumb and wrapped up in his own shit to realize it). Truly just,... an iconic enemies to friends to lovers story that unfolds as the three of them try to uncover a mystery surrounding Baz’s late mother. Ik some people have found it confusing bc it’s sort of like starting the Harry Potter story off at book 7 and only getting some background info along the way but honestly I really enjoyed that lmao. Also there’s a sequel coming out this fall, Wayward Son. (Rep: Gay, Some POC rep. Warnings: not rlly any i dont think??? There’s  like. some Homophobia lmao bc we can’t have a gay book without it.)

Her Royal Highness by Rachel Hawkins: This is a cute YA contemporary following Millie Quint who, post being cheated on by her best friend and wanting to have a fresh start, flies to Scotland to finish off her senior year at her Dream prestigous boarding school, joining a handful of other girls as the first female class in the institution’s history. Plus like. Cool Rocks and Scotland. Only problem is that her roomate is sort of a bitch and also the Princess of Scotland who she totally just told off. So yeah yet another royal gay enemies to friends to lovers with a dash of and they were roomates LMAO. This book could be like.... a bit cheesy and rushed but overall it was cute and like...... The Cover.... (Rep: Bisexual, Lesbian, Warnings: Some homophobia. Also this is a companion novel to Prince Charming but you don’t have to read that first, there’s just some references to the couple in that book as the Prince is well.... The Princess’ brother and where they end up so if you don’t wanna be spoiled read that first ig!)

The Devouring Gray by Christine Lynn Herman: I talked about this some in this post, but I feel like I did kinda a shitty job so. A YA fantasy/paranormal series about the descendant’s of the town’s four founding families-- Violet Saunders, Justin Hawthorne, Harper Carlisle, and Isaac Sullivan (the most iconic one). The latter three have lived in Four Paths their whole lives, protecting the town from The Gray-- p much the Upside Down from Stranger Things lmao, using powers specific to each of their families. Violet and her mother move back after Violet’s sister died in a car accident, and she’s thrust into helping save the town as the Gray grows more restless and having to uncover the secrets of her family as well as all the history brewing between the other three. The Stranger Things and Riverdale comparisons are p valid, (but like. Riverdale in the sense of small town secrets and a bunch of tense history that the kids don’t really understand and must uncover, and some like love triangle but..... not Rlly Love triangles just a mess of ppl being like oh shit i like this person and this person.... Bisexual Chaos if u will... not like. The I’m cuckoo bananas for u let’s go get high and play dungeons and dragons and smash in a bunker LRGKJRLKGJ), the Raven Cycle comparison’s are kind of a stretch, I can see the abstract comparison’s if i squint but like. Don’t go into this expecting TRC lmao. I really enjoyed the theme of grief throughout this book and seeing the powers unfold (and one of the dynamics a lot) and while not perfect the series has a lot of potential and like. Bisexuals. So. (Rep: Bisexual (two mc’s are bi and say the word!!!!!!!! As well as some secondary characters), Disabled (one of the mc’s is missing one arm from the elbow down). Warnings: Grief, Violence)

The Gentlemen’s Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee: Also talked about this in this post and did a better job there, but to sum it up it’s essentially a friends to lovers, bed sharing, road trip au with a dash of magic but set in the 1700′s! There’s also a sequel/companion, The Lady’s Guide to Petticoats and Piracy that I have yet to read but it follows Monty’s sister, Felicity, and I believe goes more in depth with her identity. (Rep: Gay, Black, Disabled, Aromantic, Asexual, Warnings: Period typical homophobia/biphobia, racism, ableism, sexism)

Simon vs. The Homosapien’s Agenda by Becky Albertalli: Like. I don’t think i really have to explain this one LRKGJJRG but added it just in case. YA contemporary following Simon as he e-mails another gay student at his school and falls in love. (Rep: Gay, Black, Jewish, Warnings: Homophobia)

All For the Game Trilogy (The Foxhole Court, The Raven King, The King’s Men) by Nora Sakavic: If y’all have been on my blog at all you know i’m back in aftg hyperfixation mode after another reread lmao. Is it a lil messy is it a lil dramatic... yes. but i love it!!! We follow our protagonist Neil Josten, who’s been on the run from his crime lord father, The Butcher of Baltimore, since he was young. After his mother dies on the run, Neil finds a new place and adopts yet another identity, and ends up playing high school exy (a made up sport but like we’re barely here for the sports lmao), something he used to play as a child. Despite playing a new position, he attracts the attention of the PSU Foxes, who’s coach David Wymack specifically recruits players with a troubled past to give them a second chance. Neil really shouldn’t sign-- it goes against everything his mother told him, it puts him at risk of being in the spotlight for his father’s men to find him, and puts him on the same team as Kevin Day, someone from his past that knows his true identity. Still, something draws Neil to joining the team, to finally try to live instead of just survive. UGHHHH like truly this book just makes u fall in love with all the characters and the beautiful and broken found family that develops over three books and one of the most iconic and amazing (ha....) slowburn relationships ever.... Also if i recall they’re super cheap on iBooks (at least when i bought them, the first book was free and the other two were $1.99). (Rep: Gay, Demisexual, POC, Warnings: MAJOR trigger warnings for like. everything bc all the foxes have fucked up pasts. But the biggest ones are probably rape, abuse/torture, and substance abuse)

Six of Crows Duology (Six of Crows, Crooked Kingdom) by Leigh Bardugo: Idk how much I really have to talk about this bc it’s popular but I am physically unably not to reccomend this duology bc its just. So. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. The most barebones summary is that this is a YA Fantasy about six people coming together to perform an impossible heist. This is truly like...... a masterclass in developing characters and has one of the best m/f ships i’ve ever read... But also since it’s on here there is some gay shit going on, 3/6 mains are Not Straight and there’s a cute m/m couple! Also you don’t have to read the Grisha Trilogy to read this but u can if u want (I have yet to). (Rep: Bisexual, Gay, Disabled, POC, Warnings: Again these ppl have fucked up pasts, biggest are PTSD, past sexual abuse)

The Raven Cycle Series (The Raven Boys, The Dream Theives, Blue Lily Lily Blue, The Raven King) by Maggie Steifvater: Again i don’t think I really have to explain this one but like. In case you haven’t read this series it’s truly iconic..... Idk even how to explain this LKGJLJRG just like magical realism wonderfulness and found family and amazing relationships and shit.... (Rep: Gay, Bisexual, Disabled, Warnings: Abuse)

The following are books I plan to read for pride/in the near future. I can’t wholeheartedly reccomend them obviously, or fully detail all the rep/warnings, but I’ve heard some great things about these books and a lot of them have representation that the first part of the list is lacking, so I figured I would add them! (Also if I use ‘queer’ that’s because that’s the only label I have been given by the authors or reviewers, or the characters identify as queer)

Radio Silence by Alice Oseman: To my knowledge this is a really emotional YA coming of age/college story that has to do with like. A podcast? Idk a lot of people love it and side note I’ll be suing B&N bc they NEVER have it relkj (Rep: Bisexual, Demisexual, I belive Latinx.)

Sawkill Girls by Claire Legrand: I believe this is a YA horror-ish novel where there’s a monster stealing girls on and island. (Rep: I believe all three main girls are queer Warnings: Since this is horror im assuming. Horror stuff LMAO)

I Wish You all The Best by Mason Deaver: A YA contemporary romance about Ben who comes out as non-binary to their parents and gets kicked out, and moves in with their estranged sister. They soon are taken under the wing of a senior named Nathan Allan and begin to fall. (Rep: Non-Binary (Own Voices), MLM/Queer, Black (im assuming from the gorgeous cover lmao. Warnings: Misgendering, homophobia, anxiety, depression)

Summer of Salt by Katrina Leno: YA Magical Realism about Georgina, who has yet to inherit the magical powers that have been passed down her family, including her twin sister Mary who, unlike Georgina, is coming into her powers. (Rep: Lesbian, Queer, Aro/Ace, Warnings: Rape and sexual assault, underage drinking, animal death, drug use.)