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trashlie · 1 year ago

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ILY FP 239

Good grief I'm so out of practice, getting this thing going feels like pulling teeth, I'm so rusty!!! Bear with me if this one feels a little weirder than usual. I can't say I'm fully back to myself at this point but i'm not as out of it as I have been, so I might as well take advantage of this moment while I can! I really loved this episode and I still want to talk about it, and since it will be free this week, I want to get this one out of the way so this post will be available for those who are looking for it!

Honestly this is an episode I did NOT think we would be getting for a long time - but I've been saying that for a lot of these episodes, haven't I? lol But seriously, quimchee keeps giving us so much of what I've wanted but thought we'd have to wait til season 2 for!

Before I get distracted by the part of the episode that really occupied my brain, I'd like to touch on the opening. Dieter is the kind of character who I don't think would ordinarily talk behind someone's back, but clearly this is a special circumstance. He's rightfully concerned and worried about Nol and asking Nana for insight was not a bad move, even if it doesn't yield a lot of results. I was so, SO hoping in 238 that Dieter would remember what happened at the arcade, that SOMEONE would make a connection to that time that Nol acted SO out of character and weird (in their minds) so when Soushi mentioned the arcade I was CHEERING.

They are SO close and idk if Nana being cryptic made things worse or not. Soushi and Dieter seem to be under the impression that Yui is his mom, even though the news did report him as the illegitimate child. it's all so in the moment right now that perhaps they'll be able to connect the dots shortly - I just need them to keep in mind that connection to what happened at the arcade and realize that it wasn't seeing Kousuke that made him act like that. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

I really love how Yujing works, how she gets to people. She seems to possess an awareness that all people need to be approached differently, and how to make a lasting impression, a little dramatic flair - because let's be real, something dramatic is going to linger a little more, and for what she's leaving Nol with, a little lasting impression is really important. There's just something about how she presents this information - that despite his minor injury, Kousuke was roofied, and Yui was the one with him that morning; that he has some reason for wanting to talk to Nol even if he can't admit it yet; that a mother would want what's best for her son, so how was he roofied and denied treatment when he clearly wasn't even feeling well?

What matters is that Nol comes to the same conclusion we already have - and that he figures it out himself rather than be fed that information. Yujing doesn't know much about Nol, let alone his psyche, but we do, and we know that he believes the misfortune that befalls him is a punishment, is the result of his existence, that it's all because he only puts bad into the universe. But he needs to see that this is so much bigger than he thinks, that he has never been Yui's only victim or target.

If Yui will go to these extents that she would roofie her own son, what else is she capable of? And more importantly, he needs to see and really understand that it is more than just him. In his mind, Yui and Kousuke were a team ganging up on him to tear him apart for being the mistress' son, for existing when he shouldn't have, for posing as a potential threat to everything they want and cherish. To see that even Kousuke wasn't spare from Yui's crimes shows that this is something more than he expected, bigger than he has believed all along.

I talk a lot about how I need Nol to figure this out because he needs to understand that Kousuke, too, was a victim. That Kousuke was never truly part of that "team", that he was weaponized against Nol. I don't think that Nol is going to figure this out at that time, but it's a good first step. Understandably, Nol wants nothing to do with him, so the timing couldn't be worse. How is he going to accept and receive anything Kousuke has to say after everything he's done - and how he treated Nol at his absolute lowest point in his life? But it's still so very important that Nol learn how all of this came to be, why he could never reach Kousuke.

But also more than just for himself, this also connects back to Shinae. At this point in the story, Nol knows only of Shinae's involvement at the Kim formal, Yui was meddling and put her in danger. From what we can tell, he probably believes it's a result of caring about her. Because that's what happens - he starts to care about people and bad things happen to them.

I don't think he really knows the stipulations of Shinae's contract and he certainly doesn't know about the offer Yui made her. He doesn't know about what happened on Kousuke's birthday, something so wholly separate from him and his own interest. He doesn't know about the way Yui took immediate interest in Shinae and starting testing her and messing with her out of interest in the effect she has on Kousuke.

And likewise, he has no idea of the real lengths of Yui's threat. He doesn't realize Alyssa is in a prison and, in fact, believes she's living the dream she wanted. Objectively we know that Yui was taking an innocent girl and toying with her, making a game out of her, but *Nol himself doesn't know that*! He likely believes that his mother took her own life, and possibly as a result of something he might have said to her, where objectively we know that it was probably something more sinister than her making that choice. And honestly? There's SO much more! Kousuke's memory adds another potential person to her body count. The former CFO in Japan may not have died but he still lost his position and we have to be naive to believe his stroke was a mere coincidence.

We know this. Yujing knows this.

Kousuke is coming to know this.

It's time for Nol to realize this, too.

This alone may not be enough. I still want, badly, for Nol and Shinae to have a talk, where she can tell him about these things he doesn't know, to try to get through to him that the danger was never him but simply Yui's interest. Even had Nol never become her friend, she'd still be trying to play Shinae and use her on Kousuke and what happened at his apartment alone should show Nol that it wasn't about only him! Shinae has a habit of keeping things to herself but it's time to pull all of this into the open, in order to confront those feelings, in order to reach him the way she wants.

Yui will never give up on her.

And we've seen what happens to the people who keep Yui's interest.

I do hope, too, that Nol takes Yujing up on her offer and talks about his version of what happened that night. I don't know if her implication that Kousuke is coming to realize that Yui has meddled so much, has manipulated him and everything he believes, but I hope that reaches him in time, too. That everything Kousuke believes about Nol was heavily rooted in a falsified memory. But also it's important that he knows even without him telling her his side she will believe him. She is telling him that she knows! That she knows more than him!

GOD. IT'S SO BIG IT'S SUCH AN IMPORTANT BIG DEAL and I really need Nol to ruminate on this and let it all sink in because it is SO BIG AND IMPORTANT. This was NEVER about him - not the way he thinks, anyway. He thinks he's protecting Shinae if he can distance himself, if he can keep his feelings at bay, but all it will do is put them both at further risk, hurt both of them, and break their hearts. Part of Nol's desperate fear is that he doesn't know what the danger is, and thus how to prevent it.

But if he finally realizes that Yui is the danger?

He needs that realization.

And on the flipside, GOD, watching Kousuke go through that revelation... I know I've talked a lot about how I think Kousuke needs to crash and burn for the reformation he needs but now that we're here I DON'T WANT TO WITNESS IT, I DON'T WANT TO GO THROUGH THIS WITH HIM ;________; I know there are people who still loathe him no matter what but that's not me lol I have gone from hating this man to understanding the circumstances, to understanding how he got here and god watching him go through this is HELL.

Because something we can immediately glean is that Kousuke feels SO MUCH REGRET for these things now that he sees them in new light. That's what continues to set him apart from Yui - Kousuke doesn't attack people without reason, even if from someone else's point of view there doesn't seem to be reason, and this episode highlights that and how that mindset became something he adopted in the first place.

He comes from a family that, as far as we can tell, is probably prone to backstabbing and deceit. Perhaps Yui has internalized it more than anyone else and is the only one to hold this mentality, but she isn't entirely wrong when she tells Kousuke to be wary of people because many will only try to get close to him for his money, for his influence, to ride on his coattails or worse, to exploit and take advantage of him. We acknowledge that Kousuke is not well-developed in the sense that his sense of empathy is lacking, he doesn't have that real ability to understand people who are so unlike him, and he doesn't know how to have/handle healthy relationships between people - and like, it's not without reason. His strict schedule growing up played into this a lot, but a lot of it was further reinforced by the kinds of lessons Yui instilled in Kousuke. People will try to take what is ours.

And enter this child who speaks of a version of Rand that can't possibly exist, this child whom whispers and secrets have spoken of: Rand's other family. The other woman, the other son. From his young, inexperienced child mind and whatever it is Yui has told him - they're leeches, they are trying to take our places, they want to take your father they want to take our family they want to take what's ours - it's easy to see why Kousuke refused to let them in. In his mind, it was true - Nessa was the other woman who was destroying their family and trying to take what was theirs, and her son - their son! - was competition, could very rightly take his place.

And this isn't a lie! Nol could be considered an heir simply by virtue of being Rand's son.

So, honestly? It's easy to see, from Kousuke's point of view, why he was so starkly opposed to this other family from the get go, why he feared them and felt threatened by them. That sense of threat was instilled in him from such a young age that he never had a chance to see Nol as anything but, to consider the more mature and rational mentalities of "Rand is a grown man who made grown choices" and acknowledge his hand in everything.

But to young Kousuke, they were dangerous threats that were posed to ruin everything.

He was basically made to feel he could trust no one, not one single person.

So when young Nol comes to Kousuke at his lowest, the worst period of his life, Kousuke turns him away. And yes, he is incredibly cruel about that, I don't deny it. But from his perspective, I get it. He believed this kid was a threat, that his mother was a threat, that he was a dangerous child, even!

And now he sees how wrong it was, how he trusted someone who lead him astray, and because he trusted the wrong person, he has hurt people, ruined lives. Because it wasn't just Nol's life that he ruined, as we see. He has stood by when he could have offered help and denied it, out of suspicion and fear that the accusations were falsehoods, because he was told to always be wary of this, that he can't trust anyone, that everyone will try to take advantage of him and benefit off of his back.

Because he fails to believe these people who reached out to him at their lowest, he knows he is directly responsible for what befalls them. He is directly responsible for what Nol endures, for how cruel he is to him when he needs someone, when he's so afraid and so alone, so desperate! And he fails someone else in an equally dreadful way.

Who is the girl we see when Kousuke's memory switches, the girl bowing at the funeral?

We don't have a lot to go off of, but given Yujing and Kousuke's history, the piece she's working on that she's told Manli she thinks she'll like, and what little we know of Yujing's friend who was in a similar situation as Shinae, the current assumption that we've talked about on discord/reddit that I currently subscribe to is: the girl at the funeral is probably Manli, and maybe the person who she lost was a younger sister? Manli seems to be Yujing's age, who is closer to Hansuke's age than Kousuke is. We know Kousuke had a girlfriend in college, but because he graduated early and was younger than everyone, even started college as a minor, it's not likely he was dating one of his adult friends so.... is it possible that Manli had a sister near Kou's age who was introduced to him at one point? I don't think that part necessarily matters here, because what really matters is that we know: Manli, or someone, lost someone precious, and possibly because Kousuke did not step in to help.

At one point in time, Yujing must have thought highly of Kousuke - or at least of his influence and what he could do with it. In fact, this flashback really illuminates why Yujing can't stand him, why their relationship soured and why she treats him like she does. Like Nol, she resents that Kousuke never defies his family, that he puts his lofty goals ahead of everyone else.

Someone - probably Manli - went to Kousuke desperate for help, with accusations it seems that Kousuke refused to believe. And if they were accusations against his family - his mother - we can understand why he was hesitant to believe them: because everyone will try to take advantage of you, will try to deceive you, will say things to try to bring them down. In his mind, everyone is primed as a threat, and the accusations brought forth probably did sound incredibly ludicrous, because whoever it was who went to him was begging to be understood. Maybe they even knew that what they were accusing sounded that way, thus the desperation, the pleading.

"Only someone with a sick mind would even do that! It's impossible! And a dangerous accusation!"

More and more, that makes me think it has to be something that Yui or the Kims were involved in - who else has a sick enough mind to do something that, it sounds like, pushed someone to take their own life. The line about no one seeing it coming feels so much like that the victim kept quiet about what happened, that few others knew, and thus few others knew that Kousuke refused the help that maybe, just maybe, could have given her the vindication to not do something so agonizing.

The argument that Yujing and Kousuke had is scathing, but it demonstrates a lot about who they are and how Yujing perceives him - things we already know, but is nice to see further clarified. Kousuke is afraid to believe something that could be a misinterpretation, something that doesn't make sense, probably because the version of the accused doesn't line up with his reality, what he knows of people. I can't help but feel that Yui must've been involved, since Yujing makes that comment about "family comes first" and this episode rides on the back of Kousuke learning just what a sick mind Yui really has, just what kinds of extent she has gone to in order to control and manipulate him.

And because it's always felt like what happened at the formal, with the drugs, was some kind of trigger of a previous event for Kousuke, it makes me wonder if this was that incident. Someone (Manli?) comes to Kousuke for help. Maybe it was Yui, maybe it was the Kims, someone was involved. Maybe something happened to her sister? Some kind of sexual assault, something heinous and awful. She was roofied, she was taken advantage of, and they needed help. But Kousuke refused to act on it, because the accusations felt so preposterous he couldn't believe it - because he knows this is what people will do, they will try to tear down his family, will try to take advantage of him, they will lie to besmirch their names. And when no one believed her, when she was left to deal with the trauma of what happened, knowing that no one would believe her, that she had to live with the horror in her nightmares, she took her life. Yujing probably directly holds Kousuke responsible for never stepping in, for never using his influence to help, to investigate, for never believing them.

And it makes a lot of sense with what happened at the formal. This time, Kousuke (after a false start) believes them. This time he steps in and acts. This time he tries to save Shinae. (She really is his do-over for EVERYTHING isn't she?) In this manner, it also makes sense why Kousuke is so terrified for Yujing to meet Shinae and to convey this to her - because Shinae has been in that position before and who would understand this girl more than her, someone who is already uncomfortable around Kousuke, someone whose trust Kousuke is trying to earn. He doesn't want her to know about a time he failed so badly to help someone that it ended with that person's death. What would she think of him? How would she view him? And this is especially important because Shinae is the do-over. Because Kousuke needs to do better with her, to make up for his guilt about the times he has failed others in the past.

What sets Kousuke apart from Yui, though, is that Kousuke doesn't want to mindlessly hurt people. Those he has hurt he believed were in the wrong, were trying to leech off of him, were trying to take what is his, were trying to ruin their family reputation and pass allegations that could ruin them. But now he can look back and see the truth, realizes that he put his trust in the wrong person who lead him astray, who filled his head with falsehoods that he so desperately believed that he ended up destroying peoples' lives and he IS full of regret and self-loathing. He stands in the bathroom retching, reliving these failings, this haunting realization tearing him apart. There's something desperately depressing to me about the panel of him looking down at his face in the toilet and flushing it away, because we know how he feels, we know what he is reeling from.

Ultimately, Kousuke never intended to hurt innocent people. He never intended to be a bad person. Every time he hurt people, he thought he was defending himself, his family name. But he's learning how wrong that was, how he has all along put his trust in someone who never had his best interests at heart - who even DRUGGED HIM. He seems aware of the manipulation, that how he regarded Nol was all based on what she made him believe of him.

But he did. In the end, he hurt people who needed him. How different things could have been if he'd reached out to this desperate, scared boy who was left all alone in a foreign country with no one to turn to. How different things could have been if he had believed Yujing and her friend, if he had been able to step in and help.

A note I'd like to make here is that whatever happened to Yujing's friend, I'm certain it coincides with Nol's release from the mental institution. Yujing notes that Kousuke has changed, that he's not like the version of him they met years ago, and I wonder how much of this played into his refusal to believe them. They seemed familiar with a different Kousuke, one who maybe once might have helped, had Yui not reminded him what a threat everyone is, had Yui not reminded him of what he is meant to be working towards. Who was he, to put others first, when the Hiraharas were always to come first? Who was he, frolicking about and forgetting himself when Nol could swoop in at any moment and steal everything he'd worked so hard towards? Of course, because of how much that sense of threat was ingrained in Kousuke, maybe it wouldn't have played out any differently.

It just kills me that he can see it exactly that way - that these were people who desperately needed him and because he denied them, he made things so much worse for them. The guilt... no wonder he's locked in a bathroom stall retching like that. When Hansuke enters the stall and finds Kousuke just seated on the floor - a bathroom floor! Our man is hitting rock bottom. Who EVER imagined seeing Kousuke hugging a toilet, sitting on a public bathroom floor? He looks so pitiful, so small and pathetic and you know what my heart does break, because it's clear to me that Kousuke is still separate of Yui, that his regret and remorse sets him apart. Yes, it's very much too little, too late, but we also know how effective Yui's tactics have been thus far that this is the first time he's ever gotten suspicious, the first time he ever had an inkling something was wrong and could get tested.

How was he to know otherwise?

How was he to know that the only person he's ever been able to rely on was, in fact, the cause of everything?

GOD. IT KILLS ME IT JUST.... ALKKAFJKAKJFAJKAJFK ;___________;

Lives have literally been RUINED because he trusted the wrong person. How do you live with that? I'm so.... SO worried for his future.

Ngl i was so surprised that Kousuke still wanted to come back again, that he wants to try this again tomorrow, despite the fact that seeing Nol sent him into a panic attack, brought up all of the realizations of guilt and remorse that now ride on his shoulders. But.... idk I'm proud of him, too. It's clear he was worried about Nol, it's clear he wanted to see him and check on him and used the phone as that, but it's also clear that he is aware now of the terrible person he has been to Nol and that he was never in the right, that Nol was never the threat or danger he perceived him as - that just like he acknowledged in 212, it was always him, the cold man with his back turned.

I know it's not like their relationship can repair at this stage - that's much further along - but I hope Kousuke's persistence can at least benefit Nol, in some way. Even if it's just that the realization that even Kousuke is her victim, that no one has ever been safe from Yui, that it was always her, not him. He needs that much.

God this episode hurt it hurt SO MUCH like I can't even dig into the pain of those flashbacks because it's just so overwhelmingly painful. Nol went to him at his lowest moment, so desperate and afraid, and couldn't reach Kousuke or get through to him. Even at his most desperate, he was still seen as such a threat, that fear was so deeply ingrained in Kousuke. And for someone (Manli?) to lose someone precious to her because Kousuke didn't act, because he had the opportunity to step in and help and he didn't believe them.... it's no wonder Yujing has so much resentment towards him, why she can't stand this version of him.

just sobs

also i have been trying to write this all week long and did NOT proof this so I'm sorry if it sounds worse than usual i'm running on negative energy but I REALLY wanted to do a thought dump on this episode because GOD I HAVE BIG BIG EMOTIONS ABOUT IT

#I Love Yoo #ILY Brainrot #ILY FP #ILY Spoilers #but not for looooong!#Nolan Oliver T. Lochlainn #Kousuke Hirahara #Yujing #Hansuke Hirahara #Manli #?????#this episode was so painful #we needed it but my GOD it hurt so much i can't doooooooo this ;A;#PAIN #AGONY #DEVASTATION #realizations that will be HAUNTING #i'm gonna swaddle up everyone in little blankies except for yui and the kims #;A;

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twigg96 · 2 years ago

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Can I trust you dad?

Dary X Reader (A father and son bonding fic)

Ok so… lol this HC just popped into my head and I have to share it. For context: Beau (Daryl and reader’s son) is 18 years old making Phoenix (their daughter) 23.

Strolling up to his parent’s house with his hands deep in his pockets Beau knew that he was in deep shit. He wasn't always known to make the best decisions ever... actually he made pretty bad ones most of the time. Like the time he tried hot wiring a car he found on the side of the road at the age of ten and simply set off the alarm and alerting a herd of walkers and putting not only his life in danger but his whole family's as they rushed to save him. But this time was different... this time he really was in for it. See... Beau was known around the camp for being a little more than just a little promiscuous. His mother had really laid into him the last time he was caught sneaking out of one of the other campers tents late at night and given a lengthy spiel about keeping his and his partner's sexual health and wellbeing in check. She told him about the dangers of STDs in details he never wanted to hear from a family member ever again. But most importantly of all she told him the dangers of pregnancy on the mother (if his partner was female, she didn’t judge) of a child. She told him his own birth story before really driving home the point by telling him Lori’s story.

He didn't listen however... he never did. Something he picked up from his old man’s side of the family if he was being honest with himself. He heard it a thousand times a day from his parents how he acted more and more like his father did as a child and his Uncle Merle as a teenager and that one day it would get him killed. But for now. He stood anxiously outside of their door knowing his dad was the only one he could turn to at this point. It's not that he didn't trust his mom. No he loved and respected her. But... he really just needed to hear some advice from his father. Beau never needed to knock on the door of their Alexandrian home. It wasn't required of him and never would be. But as he stood wringing his hands in front of his chest he suddenly felt so vulnerable that he almost felt like an outsider. “Ya just gonna stare at the door all day?" Daryl's voice rang out from behind startling Beau enough to jump almost out of his skin. The graying man chuckled patting Beau on the shoulder and giving it a firm squeeze. "Wha'? Did I sneak up on ya or som'tin?" Daryl asked patting Beau on the chest as he passed by walking into the garage like he had a million times before. However this time Beau felt like this time was different. He felt like this time maybe the last time he could ever be so welcomed into his childhood home.

Following his father into the garage Beau picked and bit at the side of his thumb. A nervous habit he picked up from his father. He was beginning to believe that his father was too busy working on his bike to notice his entrance let alone fretting. Secretly he hoped he could slip away and maybe try to come back another day. But he couldn’t be so lucky. Daryl was always on his A game with his kids. “So…” he started. Turing his baby blues to his son a mix of worry and confusion on his face. He was a man of few words but they always seemed to get their message across anyway. Taking a deep steadying breath Beau rubbed his arms looking anywhere but Daryl’s face as he began to talk. “So… y-ya remember last year when mom grounded me?” Beau started attempting to be as cryptic as possible. Maybe if his father could figure it out for himself he wouldn’t be so mad. That wasn’t the case however. Daryl simply cocked a brow. “Don’t really narrow much down, kid.” Daryl muttered wiping his oil covered hands on an old rag. Beau sighed shuffling his feet. He should’ve known there was no beating around the bush with his dad. “Dad…” he started meeting Daryl’s eyes seriously. “I’ve been seeing this girl… Gwen.” He said honestly, really regretting not saying anything to his father before now. Daryl smirked at his son, standing to his full height. “That lil’ flower girl you an’ Phoenix used ta run around with? One who used to bring Carol, yer momma and I flowers each time we sent ya on a run ‘cause the colors livened up the house?” The archer teased holding his hand to his hip insinuating the size they all used to be the last he noticed them together. Beau blushed a brilliant red glaring daggers at his father for bringing up such an embarrassing but honestly beautiful memory of his girlfriend. “Don’t get yer panties in a bunch. ‘M just messin’.” Daryl hummed ruffling Beau’s messy dirty blonde hair fondly. “Dad seriously.” Beau whined crossing his arms indignantly in a way that reminded the archer of a time not too long ago when his son would take that pouty stance to keep him from going on runs. It warmed his heart and made him smile fondly at the memory. “So wha’ ya want my permission ta settle down ‘er something?” Daryl teased smirking at his son. “‘Cause if it keeps ya from hounding all the girls ‘round town I might just need ta say yes.” Beau didn’t respond. No he stared deeply at his feet and that concerned his father. The teasing smirk fell from Daryl’s face, soon to be replaced with a scowl of concentration and worry. “Did ya get ‘er pregnant?” Daryl asked seriously.

Beau frowned shaking his head. “No.” He muttered meeting his father’s eyes once more. He knew he was in for it now. “I got Judith pregnant… she just told me last night.” Daryl’s expression was unreadable and at first Beau thought he might prefer it that way. But as the silence continued to deafen he suddenly felt as if the world constricted around him to exist only within the confines of the garage. “Dad?” Beau called out hesitantly pulling his father’s intense stare to his face. “Shut up.” Daryl growled, a harsh glare crossing his features. “Now yer gonna listen ta me an’ yer gonna listen damn good.” Daryl ordered harshly making the boy jump and nod instinctively. “Yer gonna make this right, one way ‘er another, Beau…” Daryl started pointing at his son’s chest, a fire burning deep within his own. One of guilt, for not knowing sooner. One of anger at himself for not being able to keep his son out of trouble. To keep the Dixon out of him. “Ya gotta tell Gwen bout the baby. Be honest with her it’ll be easier in the end. Ya gotta be there and provide fer yer kid and Judith every step of this process no matter what choices she makes.” Beau’s eyes flicked up to his father’s momentarily. “She wants to keep the baby. Kinda why I came…” his voice wavered in both anxiety and understanding his father wasn’t finished talking. Daryl nodded running a hand through his hair a deep sigh escaping his lips. “So…” Beau muttered feeling the tension start to leave the room. “Ya tell Rick yet?” Daryl asked crossing his arms across his chest. Beau tensed simply shaking his head. “Ah… no. Not yet.” He muttered rubbing his arm. “Good luck.” The archer muttered, a small smirk forming on the corner of his lips. Beau chuckled shuffling his feet. “Yer not gonna… help me out so he doesn’t ya know kill me?” He teased bumping his father’s shoulder with his own. “And let him kill me too? Sorry kid yer on yer own for that one.” Together they laughed Daryl wrapping his arm around Beau’s shoulders. “What about with Momma?” Beau chuckled smiling at Daryl. “I mean you’re the only one I’ve told so far.” Daryl sighed glancing towards the door that linked the garage and the house. “Fine… I’ll help ya with her… But not til I’m finished my run. Gotta think bout how we gotta break it to her.” He muttered walking over to grab a bag off the ground to load onto his bike. “Mind if I come with you?” Beau asked walking over and grabbing a second bag. “I can drive behind you! Hell I’ll even ride bitch!” Beau laughed as his dad shot him a nasty look. “I just want to start providing for Judith… ya know.” Daryl nodded chewing on his thumb for a moment. “Alrigh’. But when we come back we’re talking to yer Momma and yer talkin’ ta Rick.” Beau rolled his eyes but saluted mockingly. “Yes sir, grandpa sir.” He teased winking at his scowling father. “Beau…” Daryl warned shaking his head with a sigh. But deep inside the thought of a tiny tot excitedly screaming grandma and grandpa when they came to see them was a little exciting despite the circumstances.

#the walking dead #the walking dead oc #the walking dead daryl #twd daryl #twd #twd ocs #dad Daryl #daryl x reader #the walking dead fic #the walking dead fanfic #twd fic

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haissitall · 1 year ago

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thoughts about the giggle in no particular order because it's the episodes which im disappointed by that make me write about them

the ep felt very disjointed. various elements barely sewn together. something something toxic political internet culture and media driving people mad, also humanity is shit and rtd is somehow in his smug liberalism phase in 2k23, also the doctor needs to settle down and heal, and face his guilt over abandoning and/or being the cause for his companions' deaths. i guess. and here are creepy dolls which get defeated by just.. brute force (in an admittedly funny scene, but still)

so the first big element in this soup of ideas is the "people going mad corrupted by media" plotline. let's look at that shall we

why was the toymaker doing this? not just in-universe, but how is it his thing at all, like, conceptually? there was something said about how he "made everyone win" in the "game of the 21st century"... k'. it's just there because rtd wanted it there without much consideration about how it would fit the character.

the satellites mind-controlling people around the world is from the master's plan in season 3 finale, the archangel.

what was that weird story beat when kate was like "we can't shoot down the satellite because it belongs to another country and we have to ask permission :((" and the doctor was like "i permit it!" and she emphatically thanked him for that? like... thank god there is this higher power which can rule it necessary for the international organisation (from london tho) to do whatever it needs! to save the world of course

the commentary on ~society~ seemed trite, boring, cringy, patronising, heavy-handed and instantly dated.

so then there was the 1925 subplot. thematically sort of about how the uhh father abandoned his family (i think?), so that's sort of like the doctor abandoned his companions. realistically it's about the creepy dolls

"the doctor abandons his companions" and "the doctor gets his companions into danger so he should be sad about it" and "the doctor never settles down and it's his tragedy" im just tired of this. am i getting old lmao. idk i was nodding off during these dialogues. was there anything new to say here? on all these topics which have been talked about a lot? isn't all this just cheep "feels" and "depth" generator at this point

"am i just too old for this" was my general thought after watching the episode. i mean, i was enjoying the previous ones! i guess i wasn't too old for the star beast lol. i wasn't too old for being excited about the wonderful meep puppet! so this can't be it. but i just watched this scene of a craaazy villain doing his Iconic dance (Best Scene OMG So Camp!!1) and i was simply bored. i didn't even want to ship him with david tennant. am i the grinch?

am i too old for the mystery boxes. for "the one who waits" or whatever, and i think there were some other ohh mysterious things set up for the future. i mean we all know we're gonna be disappinted, right? we all know the it's gonna be crap? and i think moff has successfully put an end to "mysteries of the season" shtick with the hybrid arc. no more mysteries. no more season arcs with cryptic words. stop. staaahhp

im not even gonna talk about "handy 2.0, even more contrived this time". my brain just blanks. it doesn't want to take this information in and dedicate even a second to it. i'd rather think about the international law around unit and how it applies to the satellite situation

overall, i found this episode the weakest among the three specials. i ended the previous two feeling good, while this one left me disappointed. sadly, it's often the last impression which counts. while the previous two episodes had pulled me in, this one left me wondering again about whether the tennant regineration was a good idea in the first place. oh well. but im not losing my hopes for the next season yet!

#the giggle #rtd critical #dw spoilers #dw #doctor who

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gretavanfunk · 7 months ago

Text

Fighting Fire (Series)

Chapter Seven

Word Count: 5,897

Summary: Stevie and Sam never seemed to be what people refer to as "two peas in a pod" growing up. He got under her skin more times than she could count and Sam was desperate to be on a level playing field as his older brother and Stevie's best friend, Jake. One summer, Sam is forced to face his demons and in turn, Stevie is too.

Warnings: smut, 18+, minors dni, explicit content

This story is written and edited by me and it is my baby so I hope some people out there can enjoy it as much as I enjoy creating it! If there are typos, bear with me lol

Chapter Seven Playlist for the vibes!

"Sam," Josh sighed, "I need you to take a deep breath."

Sam took in a sharp breath and nodded before talking again, "I don't know what to do. What if I messed everything up?"

"You didn't," Josh said sternly, "You didn't mess anything up! She kissed you, that's a critical piece of information in this."

"Please," Sam sighed, "Don't tell anybody about this. She's freaking out about it."

"Let her cool off," Josh said, "Stevie does not do well when her mind isn't clear. Just give her some time and then talk about it."

Sam groaned, "I'm scared she won't ever talk to me again."

"No," Josh combated, "You laid out all of the facts out there, Sammy. If anything, it's a good thing you were honest with her."

Sam laid in his bed, conflicted while he spoke to his brother. He has never actually admitted this to anyone but Stevie. However, after they kissed, he knew he needed to talk to someone about it and he sure as hell was not about to turn to Jake for advice.

The only other person who knew Stevie well enough was Josh, so that's who he decided to turn to.

"I knew it," Josh boasted, "I knew something like this was going to happen!"

Josh giggled and Sam ran his hand through his hair, "What do you mean?"

"I knew you guys would hook up," Josh said, "I could just feel it."

"Um, in what way?" Sam questioned and Josh chuckled, "She's into you, Sam. I know that she is."

"Did she tell you that?"

"No," Josh sang, "Not explicitly but I can tell, Sammy. Even when we were together and she was ripping your head off, she was fighting real hard to ignore it."

"Interesting," Sam said, "but that means you don't actually know anything."

"I know everything little brother," Josh laughed, "You should know this by now."

Sam groaned and held on tightly too the phone, too overwhelmed with thoughts to speak. When Josh realized he wasn't going to say anything, he sighed, "Everything is going to be okay, Sam! She wouldn't have kissed you if she didn't want to. Just talk to her about it!"

Sam's eyes screwed shut, slightly regretting opening this conversation up to somebody else and he sighed, "Okay, okay. I'll talk to you later, Josh. I swear to God, do not say a fucking word!"

"Do you think I want to tell Jake about this?" Josh cackled, "Absolutely not. That is a battle you guys have to fight when you get there. Bye-bye baby brother! Good luck!"

After Josh got off the phone with Sam, a few hours passed before his phone was ringing again. He was enjoying some down time when Stevie's name flashed across his screen and his lips turned up into a smile, knowing exactly why she was calling.

"Hello?" Josh answered and he heard the phone being shuffled around on the other line.

"Josh," Stevie sighed, "I need to talk to you."

"And I need to talk to you, girl."

"Oh God," Stevie groaned, "Did Sam call you?"

"He sure did," Josh giggled, "So um, what exactly fucking happened?"

Stevie rubbed her face with her free hand, "Did he not explain it to you?"

"Sure he did, in his very careful and cryptic way," Josh explained, "But I need to hear it from you."

Stevie sighed again, causing Josh to chuckle to himself.

"I don't know," Stevie said, "I don't know! It was all so quick! I don't know what I was thinking."

"But you wanted to kiss him," Josh pointed, "So you had a little bit of an idea of what you were thinking."

Stevie rolled her eyes, "Okay, yeah. I wanted to kiss him but I wasn't actually going to! That's crazy!"

"Is it though?" Josh asked, "I mean, is it really that crazy to kiss someone you have feelings for?"

"Woah!" Stevie exclaimed, "Who said anything about having feelings for him?"

"Why else would you go after him when he stormed inside?" Josh laughed lightly, "Why else would you absolutely go in on him on our hike?"

"He was being an asshole, Josh," Stevie sighed, "That's why I yelled at him."

"Or," Josh sighed, "You care about him."

Stevie laughed, "Of course I care about him, Josh. He's your brother."

"I mean you care about him a little bit more than you realize, Stevie."

She remained silent, hoping Josh would have more to say. She knew Josh, and she knew he always had more to say.

Josh sighed, and continued, "Think about it, Stevie. You attacked someone who was about to punch him, you spent the rest of that same night taking care of him, you call him out when he's in the wrong. You don't have to do any of that, you do realize that, right?"

"Okay," she said, "So?"

"When you screamed at him in the parking lot," Josh said, "You claimed it was because he had ruined your last day hanging out with me and Jake. But, was it really because of that or was it because you were worried something could have happened to him?"

"Josh," Stevie groaned, "We had plans that day that we never got to do because of him."

"You still spent all of that time with Jake," Josh said, "Even if it wasn't how you planned. You still had that quality time with him. Probably even more one-on-one time you would've had if Sam hadn't wandered off."

"What are you even trying to say?"

Josh laughed at the annoyed tone in her voice, "I'm calling it how it is, Steve. You have a soft spot for him. You always have. You sacrificed your entire summer just for him."

"No," Stevie protested, "I only suggested the lake house thing to make things easier on you and Jake."

"Oh," Josh quipped, "So the lake house plan didn't have anything to do with making sure Sam would be okay? The thought of being alone with him for months on end didn't cross your mind at all?"

"You're so annoying," Stevie groaned and she heard Josh's loud laughter.

"Jake and I were completely fine with just leaving him with our parents," Josh laughed, "We knew he'd be okay regardless."

"So why'd you hype up my plan so much?" Stevie rolled her eyes and Josh replied, "You seemed pretty pumped about it. Besides, it is a good idea, nevertheless."

"There's nothing wrong with the fact that you have feelings for him, Stevie," Josh continued , "Just as long as you realize it."

Stevie felt her chest get tight, overcome with such intense discomfort and she felt out of control. She had called Josh just to flesh everything out of her, hoping he would have been revolted by all of this and talk some sense into her but he did exactly the opposite.

"I did not call you for therapy, Josh," Stevie sighed.

Josh smiled on the other end of the phone, "I'm just sayin', Stevie. You don't have to fight urges to kiss people you hate."

"Okay," Stevie sighed, "So what if you're right? I can't actually do anything about it, Josh! This is insane! It would make everything so incredibly complicated and I do not want to open that door."

Josh scoffed, "Well don't you think it's a little too late for that, Stevie? You already crossed that line. That's not really something you can take back."

"Josh," Stevie pleaded, "What the fuck am I supposed to do? Jake would fucking freak out!"

Josh began to laugh again and Stevie growled, "It's not funny, Josh! I'm seriously freaking out!"

Josh sighed, "You have to think about what you want, Stevie. Sam knows what he wants and for probably the first time in his entire life, he was completely honest with you. I think it's important that you sort these feelings out in your head and return that favor."

Stevie had her hand clasped over her mouth as she listened to him speak and Josh kept talking, "If you have real, genuine feelings for him then I think it's important that you tell him that. And even if you don't, you have to talk to him. You can't just string him along."

She nodded, "Yeah, I know that! But, what am I supposed to tell Jake?"

"Jake is not your keeper, Stevie," Josh groaned, "He's your best friend. If being with Sam makes you happy, then Jake isn't going to hold that against you. But, you have to figure it out soon because if he finds out about it later and you didn't tell him, that's when he's going to flip his shit. You've gotta kind of remove Jake from this situation and do what feels right for you."

Stevie groaned again, dramatically and flopped onto her back, "I don't know if I have real, genuine feelings for Sam."

"Figure it out, girl!" Josh exclaimed, "'Cause right now, his mind is reeling and he has real, genuine feelings for you."

"Ugh, okay! Fine," Stevie sighed, "You're such a pain in my ass."

"I love you too, mama," Josh giggled again and they hung up.

Stevie almost felt worse after her phone call with Josh. The tossing and turning that night only grew stronger the more she thought about what he said. She knew that she had always considered Jake in her thought processes and decisions she made, but being told to remove him from this felt so foreign to her.

She thought about kissing Sam and how electrifying it felt to be touched by him. But Jake was right there in the back of her mind too. What would Jake even say to her if he knew about this? She found it laughable to think about him being cool with it, especially after what he told her in the car when they picked up her stuff from her house.

"I just don't want you to fall victim to his bullshit."

Was what Sam told her bullshit? It didn't feel like it. It felt different from anything he had ever shared with her before. It felt like the truth. And she guessed that Josh believed what Sam had said too.

Maybe that made Stevie foolish. Maybe it made her and Josh a couple of fools together, but she wanted to believe it. Stevie wanted Sam's confession to be true, which she knew meant something about the way she truly felt. All she wanted to do now was sleep this day off. Maybe when she woke up, she'd come to her senses.

When she did roll out of bed the next morning, the house was quiet. She walked downstairs and there was no sign of Sam or Rosie anywhere. Stevie went to the kitchen, immediately going to brew some coffee, but she found some already in the pot. Then, she found a note on the microwave.

"Went out for a walk! Made you a breakfast sandwich! It's in the fridge! -Sam"

Something like this would have made Stevie smile before, but now she was just riddled with guilt. How could he still go out of his way to do things for her when she played with his feelings so much? She sighed, but went to the fridge and took the sandwich out. It was on a plate and saran wrapped. Stevie unwrapped it and stuck in the microwave, sipping her coffee lazily while she waited for it to be done.

She took the plate out of the microwave and didn't even bother sitting at the table to eat it. She leaned up against the counter and took a bite, cursing under her breath.

"Fuck, that's good," Stevie whispered.

It made her feel even worse than she did before. Her mind had been going over the conversation with Josh ever since she became conscious again, and she kept contemplating her own feelings about all of it. She knew that they needed to talk, but she had no idea what she wanted to say to him.

After her breakfast, she did her dishes and went out to the back patio. The clouds in the sky looked a bit dark and she was certain that rain would come soon. So, she grabbed the net for the pool, taking her time to get any leaves, bugs and debris out of the water and she cranked the cover back on.

While she was cranking it, she saw Sam and Rosie in the front yard, coming back from their walk. Stevie called his name and Sam practically sprinted inside of the house. Stevie frowned, knowing that he heard her but she decided to shake it off. Maybe he just wasn't ready to address anything yet.

She went inside the house and heard Sam's bedroom door closing upstairs. She silently cursed herself, wanting to just get this over with. In all reality, she knew neither of them were ready to talk about it. She decided that she really did need to take Josh's advice and actually think about what all of this meant to her. She was just on edge and consumed by what could possibly be going through Sam's head right now.

Sam was out of breath when he got to his room. He knew Stevie saw him in the front yard and he didn't want to talk to her or even think about what happened last night. Not until he knew he could address it without falling apart. He was worried that he had done irreparable damage to their dynamic. He heard Stevie come up the stairs and close the door to her bedroom and then he let out a deep breath. Maybe he should just get out of here and go home. It might be easier if they had time apart.

Stevie flopped back onto her bed, pulling out a notebook and a pen. She flipped it open to a random page and stared at the blank page for a while. She pressed the pen up to her lips, thinking about what she wanted to write down. Journaling about her feelings might help her sort them out and decide what direction she would like to go regarding Sam.

"He's so pretty."

No, cross that out.

"He's so infuriating."

Nope, crossing that out too.

"I want to kiss him again. I want to know what it's like to be in his arms. I want to share all of our deep dark secrets together. I want him to finally be happy and I want to be a part of that happiness."

Woah.

"Okay... maybe I like Sam."

Stevie grabbed the page, tearing it out and crumbling it up before throwing it across the room and throwing her journal too. She groaned and laid back, staring at her ceiling. She knew something had been different ever since she saw him in the backseat of Josh's Jeep the first night they reunited. She knew it then by the way her stomach had been twisted in knots just by his hand squeezing hers.

Stevie had tried to ignore it, tried to shove it down but now all of it was fizzing up to the top and it felt overwhelming. He was always someone who irritated the ever living shit out of her. But now, it was different. It was completely uncharted territory and she wasn't used to fantasying about him. She got a small taste of it, and she hated to admit it but she craved more.

What was it like to fall asleep in his arms with her head on his chest? And what was it like to wake up to see his face? What would it be like to hold his hand in the car or steal kisses and meaningful glances from each other during whatever mundane thing they'd be doing? What would it be like to watch him from the side of a stage and be the first person he greeted when he came back?

She wanted to know.

Stevie grabbed her pillow and stuck it over her face, screaming into it.

She felt so stupid for wanting to know. Here she was, at her ripe age of twenty-six, melting down over a boy like she was fucking fourteen. She threw her pillow and took a deep breath, but she heard the door to Sam's room open and she sat up quickly, holding her breath to try and hear what he was doing.

The floor boards creaked as he walked by and she heard his footsteps go down the stairs. Then, there wasn't much other noise and she took another deep breath and got up, trying to work up enough courage to leave her room and try to face him. However, when she went downstairs, she realized that he had left again. Stevie sighed, feeling defeated at this point. She looked out the windows and saw that the rain was coming down now, pretty hard too.

She went to the kitchen window and saw that her car remained in the driveway. Which meant Sam was just out there in the rain doing God knows what. She grabbed a hoodie hanging up by the door before ripping the front door open and shuffling her shoes on and going outside. She stood on the front porch, looking for him in the front yard. She saw him at the end of the driveway, standing with his face up against the rain.

"Sam!" She shouted, "What are you doing?"

"Nothing!" he shouted back.

"It's pouring rain, Sam," Stevie yelled, "You're going to get sick out here!"

She watched him as he shook his head, not moving from his spot.

She rolls her eyes and inches closer to him, "Stop avoiding me! We're going to have to talk about this eventually!"

"No," Sam turned around to face her, "Actually we don't."

"We need to talk about what happened, Sam."

Sam shook his head and groaned loudly before turning to face her fully once again, "I bought a bus ticket home, so I won't be your problem anymore and you'll never have to see me again."

Stevie groaned shaking her head and walked even closer to him, "You are so dramatic! Will you just stop?"

"No! I shouldn't have said anything to you," Sam hung his head low and as the rain began to fall harder, his hair started to stick to his face.

Stevie groaned and put on her hood and bracing the elements to meet him out there. He watched her approach him and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Well, I hope you can get your ass a refund because you're not leaving," Stevie gritted her teeth, "We are not leaving things like this. You are not leaving things like this! I get a say in this too."

"What is it you want to say?" Sam asked, sadness flooding his eyes.

They were both soaked from the rain now and it was really sobering for her to be drenched in rain and staring up at him.

"I'm the one that should be sorry," Stevie sighed, "Everything was just so overwhelming. I was freaking out! I shouldn't have handled it that way."

Sam looked up, avoiding looking her in the face, "I shouldn't have unloaded that on you. I take it all back."

"Do you really?" Stevie's voice was quiet now, feeling sadness creep in, "Do you really regret it?"

Sam nodded and threw his hands up, agitated and his voice raised, "Yes! I do! Because maybe things wouldn't have changed and I wouldn't have lost you!"

Stevie reached out to him, impulsively and grabbed his wrist, "Who says you lost me, Sam?"

"Well I have, haven't I?"

Right then, a crack of thunder echoed through the sky but left the two of them completely unphased. Sam's voice was quiet too and they looked at each other for a minute before Stevie took in a sharp breath, "Don't go, Sam. I need you."

Sam's voice was stern when he spoke, "Have I lost you, Stevie? I need to know."

She shook her head and looked away from him, "No. You haven't lost me."

"Well then what," Sam questioned, "What now? We just go back to normal?"

She shook her head, "We can't go back to normal, Sammy."

"What do you want, Stevie?" Sam's voice was almost a whine, feeling reminiscent to a tantrum.

"Just stay," Stevie smiled, "Be here with me."

"I can't," Sam shook his head, "I can't just pretend that this didn't happen, Stevie. This means too much to me."

Sam's eyes were shut, trying his hardest not to cry again. Stevie's hand shook as she reached up to his face, hesitantly taking his cheek in her hand.

"Sam," she whispered and he shook his head, not opening his eyes, "Sam, look at me."

His eyes fluttered open and he bit the inside of his cheek, scared for what she was going to say next.

"I want you," Stevie whispered, teeth sinking into her lip.

"Don't say that," Sam shook his head, "I can't handle this going badly again, Stevie. I can't risk this ending badly."

Stevie shook her head too and shushed him, "I obviously have a lot of feelings about this, but I don't want you to go. I want you to stay and figure this out with me. Please."

"Stevie," Sam looked at her and he frowned, obviously not convinced by her words, "Don't do this out of pity, please."

"Sam," Stevie sighed, "I want you, slowly and steadily, but I want you."

He brought his hand up to the hair that was sticking to her face, pushing it back and cupping her face in his hand, "You're all I've ever wanted."

"Well," Stevie smiled, "I'm here. What are you gonna do about it?"

Sam smiled and rolled his eyes, "Shut up."

Sam's lips met hers, even more desperately than they had before. Both of them were dripping with water and were weighed down by their clothes, but it didn't stop them from melting into one another. Stevie's arms wrapped around his neck, pulling at his hair and Sam gripped her hip with his free hand, pulling her into him.

Their mouths fought against each other, quickly heating up into a make out session. The drank each other in feverishly and Sam's hands moved to her hoodie, tugging on it. Stevie moaned against his mouth, making him grunt in response. Another strike of lightning hit and she pulled away from him, eyes wide, "Okay, as hot as this is, we seriously need to go inside."

"Fine by me," Sam smiled, "Got an idea of where we could go."

She rolled her eyes and grabbed his hand, tugging him along up to the house. Once they were in the mud room, Stevie grabbed at Sam's shirt and he stood there, letting her peel it off of him. His hands moved to her hoodie, pulling it up over her head and frowning at the shirt that was underneath it.

"Why do you have so many layers on?" Sam asked and she rolled her eyes, "Because some people think it's cool to just stand out in the middle of a thunderstorm."

"Please," Sam grunted, "Stop talking."

"Then hurry up!"

Sam shook his head, smirking and peeking at her through his eye lashes before tugging on her shirt and taking it off. Stevie was then reminded that she hadn't had a bra on and her cheeks flared by the way Sam gawked at her.

It took him a second to collect his thought but then he hurried to her shorts and she laughed, grabbing at his shorts too. Suddenly, they both were standing in the mud room, completely naked with their mop of clothes on the floor all around them. Stevie's breath was uneven and Sam stepped closer to her, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"You doing okay?" he asked, making even more effort to keep his eyes on hers.

She nodded, "Yeah, I'm okay. Insanely nervous, but okay."

"Don't be nervous," Sam chuckled, "You're glowing, baby."

Stevie's heart fluttered and she couldn't stop herself from smiling widely and letting out a giggle, "Oh, stop."

Sam closed the gap between them, pressing their bodies together and kissing her under her earlobe before whispering, "Make me."

He kissed her lips softly and slowly, placing his hands on the dip of her back and slightly rocking them back and forth. It was freezing in the house and with their damp skin, both of them had goosebumps raised. Stevie grabbed Sam's arms, deepening her kiss with him and he bit her lip lightly, firmly pressing his hands into her hips.

When he pulled away from her, he stooped down and took her in his arms, holding her by her back and her legs, causing her to laugh.

"What are you doing?" She asked and Sam grunted as he started to walk with her, "I'm not going to fuck you in the mud room, Stevie."

She frowned, "Aww, why not."

Sam chuckled and shook his head, "Please, not the first time! The first time is going to be the most romantic shit you've ever seen in your life."

She laughed loudly, "Sam, how romantic can it be when I'm jumping your bones like I'm in high school?"

"Do you want it to be dirty, Stevie?" Sam nipped at her ear, "Cause that's definitely possible."

"God," Stevie sighed, pulling his hair in protest, "Stop talking about it so much and just fuck me."

Sam halted his walking, gripping her tighter and drawing in a sharp breath, "Whew, be careful Stevie. You're playing with fire here."

She laughed, watching his face as he tried to regain his composure and he continued walking, with a smirk plastered on his face. When they got to the start of the hallway upstairs, they stopped quicker than Stevie expected, standing in front of her dad's bedroom door.

"You wouldn't," Stevie muttered and Sam giggled, "Mmmm, would I?"

Sam kicked the door open and Stevie gasped, but she didn't protest as Sam carried her in and tossed her on her dad's bed. Stevie's mouth parted open when she watched Sam crawl on top of her, his hair cascading on the sides of his face and his necklace hanging low enough to drag across her own torso, sending chills down her body.

"You look good," Sam smiled, "So sweet and patient waiting for me to fuck you on your dad's bed."

"Jesus, Sam," Stevie's breath hitched and he smiled, "Don't act like it doesn't turn you on, Stevie."

Stevie reached down and placed her hands on Sam's hips, tugging him closer to her, "Come on, Sam, don't make me beg."

Sam hummed, kissing her neck softly, "I kinda like the sound of you begging, though. Be sweet to me and maybe you'll get what you want."

"You think I won't be willing to lay here, freezing my tits off?" Stevie rolled her eyes, "You've got another thing coming."

Stevie's hands moved to his front, palming at his dick and Sam hissed, already hard as a rock, "Woah, Stevie! Calm down!"

She smirked, "Not so tough now, are we?"

Sam hesitated, savoring the feeling of her hands wrapped around the base of his dick, moving slowly along it. His eyes fluttered before he grabbed at her wrist, stopping her movements.

"Stop," Sam hissed, "This isn't about me, right now. Let me warm you up, honey."

Stevie held her hands up, opening her legs wider to give Sam more access. His skin was cold against hers and he leaned down, giving her a kiss before sitting back and bringing his fingers up to her mouth. Her eyes were locked with his as she opened her mouth for them, taking his fingers in her mouth and sucking them slowly. She smiled when she saw Sam's mouth part and his eyes glaze over at the sight of it. Something so tame, yet so pornographic that he had dreamed about for years.

He pulled his hand away from her mouth and brought his body back over hers, meeting her lips with his again and letting her salvia on his fingers swipe through the folds of her center, making her body tense at the feeling.

"Fuck," she hissed in his mouth and his eyes fluttered open to widen at her, "Already so wet for me, baby."

Stevie's eyes twisted shut at the sound of the pet name, kind of mind blown that this was even happening right now.

"Open your eyes," Sam instructed, "I want you to watch me."

Her eyes shot open, shocked at his words but his fingers then found her clit, and rubbed small circles against it, making her stomach tighten at the sensation.

"Oh my god," she gasped, "Don't stop."

Sam smiled, watching her hands grip the bedspread beneath them and her back arch, "That's it, baby. Let it build for me."

Sam pushed her hair out of her face, peppering kisses along her jawline and down her neck, feeling the vibration of her moans against his lips, making his stomach erupt with butterflies. He had pictured what it would be like to have her like this, but this was better than he could have ever imagined it. Her hips were bucking against him and he wanted to fuck her, but he couldn't just yet. Not until he was sure he made her come, at least once.

Stevie's hands flew to Sam's arm, gripping it tightly as she arched herself up more and more, panting a string of profanities. Once she had reached it, she stilled his hand, laughing uncontrollably.

"Woah," Stevie said, trying to regain her breath, "That was crazy!"

Sam smiled kissing her slightly, but she pulled him in, kissing him back with more passion.

"Will you put it in, Sam?" Stevie asked, her cheeks rosy out of embarrassment, "I need to feel you."

Sam chuckled, "Whatever you say!"

Sam sat back, taking a deep breath and a moment to appreciate the display in front of him. Stevie's eyes remained locked on him, smiling at the tint of pink in his cheeks and the goofy smile on his face.

"Sam," Stevie said in a sing-song voice and Sam held his hand up to her, glancing over her body, "Shhh. Let me savor this, Stevie. This is years in the making right now."

She rolled her eyes but smiled anyway, "You better hurry up before I change my mind."

He looked at her, eyes dark, "Not funny."

She sat up and reached out for the back of his neck, pulling him into a kiss. This made Sam clock back into what was actually happening. Sam placed his hand on her shoulders, lightly pushing her back and deepening their kiss. Stevie was ready mentally for it, but when Sam lined himself up and pushed himself into her, she gasped. She hadn't expected the way it would feel so perfect.

Sam's face was in the crook of her neck as he bottomed out, but he hummed lowly into her skin, making her skin ignite at the sensation. It tickled to feel his facial hair against her skin and she laughed lightly, sighing in pleasure.

"Sammy, baby," Stevie turned her face to the side of his face and placed a kiss on his temple, "I need to see your face."

"Fuck," Sam muttered, "If you keep talking, I'm not going to last very long."

"You like when I call you baby?" Stevie teased, "Look at me, baby."

Sam used one hand to prop himself up over her and the other hand he laid his palm against her mouth, "I'm serious, shut your mouth."

Stevie giggled and she realized he hadn't moved an inch until this very moment when he began to find his pace, pumping in and out of her faster with every stroke.

Stevie bit his hand and he hissed, pulling it back but finding a new place for it around her neck. He didn't grip her very hard at all, using a feather like touch and seeming to just put it hand there as a way of doing something with it. She looked at his face and watched as his eyes rolled and shut tightly. He was focusing so hard on not letting himself go too quickly, but at this point, she just wanted to hear what he sounded like when he finished.

"Keep going, Sam," Stevie panted, "Get out of your head right now and chase it."

"Stevie," Sam's jaw clenched, "Please."

Stevie held onto the back of Sam's head, twisting her fingers in his hair as she moaned with every thrust and pulled his face to hers until their foreheads touched.

"Keep your eyes on me, Sammy," Stevie pleaded, "I want to watch you come."

Sam hissed at her words, working harder into her and she felt him trembling, smiling as he came undone right in front of her eyes.

"That's it baby," Stevie encouraged, "Come for me."

Sam was biting his lip, keeping his eyes locked on hers. His eyelids were low, almost barely open and Stevie ran her hand through his hair before placing it on his cheek and nodding at him enthusiastically.

"Let it go, Sam," Stevie whispered, "I want you to flood me."

"Fuck," Sam grunted and shutting his eyes. Stevie smiled as she watched his lips part and heard him whimpering. She felt his body tense and he moans changed pitch as he unloaded into her.

"Shit," Stevie hissed, gripping onto his back and rocking with him through it. It was the most pornagraphic thing she had witnessed, while also remaining some of the sweetest sex she had ever had. When he started to calm down, they laid together, his head on her chest. Stevie lightly ran her fingertips through his hair and he hummed, "Holy shit."

She chuckled, "Yeah."

"Yeah?" Sam asked, fishing for praise.

"That was probably the hottest thing I've ever seen," Stevie admitted and he lifted his head to look at her, smiling, "That was nothing, Stevie. Next time, I'll really give you a show."

She laughed and shook her head, "Of course you will, Sam."

He removed his dick from her, hissing as he did so and laid his head back on her chest, wrapping his arms around her and letting her soothe him to sleep.

The next morning, the two of them woke up to loud knocks at the door. Stevie's eyes fluttered open and she looked around. Sam was laying beside her, his face resting on her shoulder with an arm draped over her waist.

"Sam," she whispered and he hummed in response.

"There's someone at the door," Stevie said and he opened one eye, "Okay?"

"Can you go check it out?"

Sam groaned but he rolled over, sitting up slowly and stretching, "Okay, okay."

Stevie sat up as Sam left the room, heading to his room to lazily throw on some pants at the very least. He went downstairs and yawned as he got to the front door, picking up all of the wet clothes that they left out in the mud room. He reached for the front door, cracking it open.

Sam popped his head through the crack in the door and his eyes widened as he saw his brothers standing before him.

"What the hell are you two doing here?" Sam asked, not doing a very good job at hiding his shock in his voice.

"Nice to see you too," Jake laughed, "We're here to surprise Stevie for her birthday!"

"Hello, Sam," Josh greeted, "Where's Stevie?"

"Uh," Sam stammered, "She-she's still sleeping. Let me go check on her."

Josh smiled and winked at him and Jake chimed in, "That's okay, don't wake her up! We'll just surprise her when she comes down."

Sam opened up the door wider, letting them come in and he started to panic, "I'm just- I'm just gonna go upstairs and throw these in the laundry."

"Okay," Jake eyed him nervously, "Whatever."

Sam partially tripped over himself up the stairs walking into the bedroom casually before shutting the door abruptly. Stevie saw the panic in his face and she raised an eyebrow at him.

"Who was at the door?"

"Jake and Josh are here," Sam said and Stevie's jaw dropped, "Fuck."

#fanfiction #greta van fleet #gvf #greta van fic #gvf fic #sam kiszka fic #sam gvf #sam kiszka #greta van fleet fan fiction

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freya-howlett · 1 year ago

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Falling down - Inside Hyrule series pt. 1

Content: You think being inside the world of your favourite game, Zelda, was the coolest thing ever, but when is time to accompany the hero on his quests and to do everything he does, you realize it may not be that fun anymore and you need a hand, or two.

Author's note: Hi! I thought it'd be fun to make a Y/N fic accompanying Link through his adventures after a weird but cool dream I had. May do more, may not, I'm not sure yet, but pls feel free to send your thoughts. It's been like YEARS since I wrote something online, so please be mindful of that lol.

Y/N. No shipping, simple, cute draft.

Inside Hyrule series is a a series of oneshots, in no particular order, about YOU in the world of Zelda! Just imagine... how it'd be to have adventures with your favourite hero and princess? How it'd be to travel alongside Link? Do not expect a cool, intricate plots, it's just something to help you (and me by writing and imagining it) to relax and have a nice moment.

"This isn't safe," you commented, trying to gather the enough courage to get into murky water.

"It never is," Link never missed a beat. He threw himself to the water below. You sighed and jumped too into the small pool, extending your arms as soon as you fell so Link could help you get out.

"I mean it, you shouldn't be doing this, you just lost an arm," you tell him as you step out of the water. No matter how low you kept your voice in that lonely, dark and silent cave, it was like you were speaking aloud. How come you both always ended in places like that where it seemed like a not a single living soul had been there in centuries?

"You know we can't just stay," he frowned his eyebrows at you. You both continued walking, soaking wet, only to find another platform, this time taller, where to jump at another body of disgusting water. "Zelda is..."

"Don't even start, I was there, I saw it and, yeah, it was awful," you imitated his expression. "But I'm worried about your health and if you'll be able to keep going".

"No need to worry about me, do that for yourself," he smirked before jumping, this time backwards. Although you knew him from years back, and also all his other past lives, you were always taken aback by his endless stamina.

"C'mon," you muttered and jumped again.

After climbing a stone wall and diving one more time, you finally reached a point where you definitely had to stop.

"I'm not doing it," you said. There was another platform to jump from, but this time, the water was down, down below. "How many feet do you think it is?"

"Doesn't matter, we have to jump," he answered, cracking his neck, getting ready.

"Uhm..." you muttered.

"C'mon, when have I ever leave you alone?" Link smiled calmly, reaching his hand to take yours, which you did, pushing your lips together as you looked down. You hoped that pool was deep enough so you wouldn't crash against the dangerous large rocks below.

"I know, I know," you said, before getting ready with him to dive. You expected some sort of pain from hitting the water from that height, but you felt nothing. Without letting go of your hand, Link pulled you to safe land.

"See, it wasn't that bad," he said as he wringed his hair to remove the excess of water.

"I'll give you that," you said, panting a little from the adrenaline and looked around. There were thick roots all over the walls. "We must be under a tree. But... I don't remember any trees this big at the castle," you thought aloud.

Link was listening, also looking around. You were distracted still looking up when he tapped your shoulder.

"Hey, look, there's sunlight over there," he pointed at what seemed a passageway where a scarce light was entering. "Let's go".

Desiring to leave that cryptic cave behind, you both ran quickly to the passageway. Link had been right, it was filled with sunlight and even some birds flew away, scared, out of the way. The exit was right there in front, flanked by stone columns and, in the horizon, the clear blue sky. You didn't notice at first the floor ended a few inches where the passageway ended, distracted by the immensity of the firmament, and you ended up colliding slightly against Link's back, who had stopped suddenly at the absence of where to step.

Looking around, you finally noticed you weren't on land, nor even a tall mountain. The clouds were below you and there was nothing around, except for some floating rocks in what seemed miles and miles away.

"It's a floating island," Link said, almost like reading your mind.

"How the hell are we going to leave this place?" you stuttered. You had a height phobia, this was like out of your worst nightmares. Link tapped with his feet the place where he stood and you recognized what it was: another diving platform. "Oh, no, no, definitely not".

"We've no choice, you know that," he said, turning his head to you.

"I know!" you exclaimed. "But this... this is beyond me".

"I'm not leaving you here if that's what you mean," he raised an eyebrow. "Remember you were so afraid of using the parachute? And now you use it just as fine, this is similar".

"How is this similar? We don't have a parachute to save our asses right now," you complained.

"There must be something below that will protect us".

"Does your weird hero instinct says so?" you mocked him. Link chuckled slightly.

"No, I say so," he answered, jokingly. "Let's do it the old way, shall we? Get on".

You knew that posture. Whenever you had troubles with heights, you'd clung to him in a piggyback and he'll control the parachute, your weight not affecting a bit his control. At the beginning it was kinda embarrassing and it made you feel guilty how often he had to help you, Link made it seem so easy to simply throw yourself at whatever came. You thought that all you did was hold him back, yet he never complained and helped you with a smile on his face.

"We're going to crash into the ground," you stated as you clung to his neck. Link let out a chuckle.

"It'll probably be a very, very soft ground, you'll see," he said as he doubled his knees, getting ready. He sprinted forward and jumped off the platform, not fazed by you clinging to him. For a moment, there was nothing but the covered-in-clouds abysm below and the strong wind that hit your face. You closed your eyes shut, thinking you were taking your lasts breaths. When passing one of the fluffy clouds, you felt a bit of humidity touching your skin.

"For the Goddess, check this out!" Link yelled.

"We're going to die?" you asked. The wind was so strong that you wondered if he heard you, but he replied immediately.

"Not yet!"

You opened your eyes only to see a large mass of land below with a great structure, like a tower, made of stone at north. It was still in the sky, but this one had what it looked like whole ecosystem, a small world, by itself. Just behind the tower, a vast dragon was soaring.

Your eyes now followed the direction of Link's head and you realized that, in a piece of floating land above the great island, there was a large lake. Link changed position with little effort to prepare for a dive.

"Hold your breath!" he yelled and you did as he said, again closing your eyes.

Again, you were surprised that it didn't hurt to hit the water. You let go of Link and floated to a nearby nenuphar to sit on top of it, with your knees at each sides and your ankles crossed together. It was enormous for a plant, and very thick also, enough so also Link could hold to it without sinking it. You removed the water off your face and took a long breath, your heart beating like drums against your chest.

"See? I told you we were going to be fine," Link was smirking smugly again, resting his elbows on the nenuphar while the rest of his body was still in the water.

"I should listen to you more often," you complied, smiling too.

#link #y/n #link x y/n #loz zelda #tears of the kingdom spoilers #loz tears of the kingdom #the legend of zelda #legend of zelda #freya-howlett fic #inside hyrule series

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fangaminghell · 10 months ago

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Uuuuuuuuh I just wanted to write something lol. Spoilers for pokemon desolation! I don't specify what's happening but people who have played the game can probably pick up context clues. For those who don't know, theeeen play desolation and then you would :)

I mostly wrote this with Asra being the sole protagonist in mind, but I think this could happen in the dual protag au.

Anyway I hope you guys enjoy!

" Asra? " Philomena's voice calls to them, " What are you doing here? I mean.... I thought you didn't want to be here for a while, no?"

Asra doesn't turn around, but they make sure their voice is loud enough to hear.

" Hello, Philomena," they try to keep their voice even, " I thought so too. But it appears this place has grown on me. A bit of a comfort, if you will." They still don't turn around. Philomena purse her lip, taking a step forward.

" I would have to disagree on the 'comfort' part, but I suppose this place is on par with your style...." She eyes the back of their head as she moves forward. She reached out a hand on their shoulder, " Asra, are you alright-"

When she turns Asra around, to see their full face, she's greeted with tears that are on the verge of falling. She sucked in a breath and Asra turned away, almost ashamed.

" Oh. "

Asra wipes their eyes, still turned away, " ....I thought I cried all my tears already..."

Oh.

Mena bites the bottom of her lip, thoughts going through her head a mile per minute. Why was Asra crying? What happened? The haven't seen them like this since-

.....

"Hey," she reaches out, a gentle hand turning Asra's face towards her, " What do you need right now?"

Asra looks up at her with mild confusion, " Aren't you going to ask what happened?" Their eyes widen slightly, "....Do you already know?"

Philomena laughs lightly, " I know what I know," she says sagely, cryptic as always. She smiles at her friend, " I care more about helping my friend right now. You can tell me at your own time,".

Asra is silent for a few seconds, feeling a tear fall.

" ....I just wanted some time away,"

" To relax?" Philomena hums,and Asra nods. She smiles.

" Well I know the perfect spot,"

~~~~

The lake was calm, sullen if you asked Philomena, but this wasn't about her. She sat down near the edge, her feet in the coolness of the water. Asra lays on her lap, tears fully falling now. Philomena rubs small circles on their shoulder, humming lightly.

" I'm sorry I'm getting your legs wet..." Asra murmurs, staring far across the lake.

" Oh I'll be fine," she chuckles a bit, " .....I'm going to use some of my powers on you, okay? It's not permanent, but it'll give you a good rest,"

"Wouldn't-" Asra sniffs, " Wouldn't that attract....them?" This makes Philomena giggle more.

" Despite being on their turf, they really can't do much to me. If they could, I would be dead already. This leads to you. I can't exactly...protect you from them, not after everything that happened. But I can, at least, give you a good nap for now. How does that sound?"

Asra swallows a lumb down their throat, and Mena can tell they're trying not to cry more, " That....that would lovely, Mena. Thank you,".

Philomena smiles, places the tips of her fingers on Asra's forehead, and soon enough, Asra feels themself fading into a proper, calm, sleep.

#oc: asra 🌂

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livlepretre · 1 year ago

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A continuation of the previous ask

Has Stefan compelled Elena? It sounds kind of wild but maybe. Klaus seems to be in Elena's conscious mind more and more often? Lol. There is only so much self denial she herself is capable of . Also did Klaus frown when they brought up the fact that she had been in Chicago previously because he kind of wanted to show her the world. Is that why he agreed to have them both be brought over. I doubt Rebekah has much influence over him when he is so jealous of her for having what he desires and needs at this point he probably was just paranoid that Elena and Stefan will start an affair if left unattended. I mean history doesn't favor Elena's fidelity in those case in his eyes, I mean he left her alone with Tyler and Rebekah at different points in time and look how that turned out. It would KILL HIM if she and Stefan developed something like this. And the way he glances at Elena when Stefan brings up the fact that he had already taken everything from him. Like I am not kidding I melted into a puddle, just because of this one small gesture. 😅 no wonder my bookshelf is filled with dark romance. Like Klaus is a red flag but I am colorblind. Also Elena being a delusional pouty princess thinking that Klaus would always go back to Stefan and that he had never spoken affectionately to her like he does with his so called brother. LIKE GIRL HE IS JUST A DISTRACTION. YOU ARE THE REAL DEAL. And then Klaus and Stefan both sit in front of her and start talking about Damon . My heart literally cracked 💔 I can't imagine how much our protagonist has gone through. She is such a strong person for having survived it all. Almost all of us would Crack if we just have 1/10th of the trauma that she has. Isn't kinda wild that I am still rooting for Klena despite everything Klaus had put her through.

Also the cigarette scene leaves me wondering what he had been about to say to her before she cut him off. Maybe about Jeremy or mystic fall gang. Also the fact that Elena feels that she couldn't ask anyone about the gang us maybe false. Would Kalus answer her if she outright asked him about them? I mean he brought up the topic so he didn't intend to keep her in the dark.

Also the most important spoiler of the chapter I feel is the silver car after which Stefan accelerates and reaches Chicago very early on. 🤔 Who was driving that car. Was it Kol? Damon ? I legit googled which car Damon drove 😳 .

Also is Stefan lying to Elena. Like he obviously lied when he said that Klaus doesn't care to. However, what does this even mean , " Even your thoughts aren't yours. " And also the two instances where he seemed to be able to pick right off what Elena was thinking.

Also I like the little detail when Rebekah bites Elena and the wound does not heal which implies that she doesn't have any vampire blood in her system.

I feel like something is going to happen with the silver car. Rebekah's cryptic comment about The nostalgia of a farewell. I am very confused by these Easter eggs but I really don't think I am looking too much into it.

You know previously in one of your posts u mentioned that Klaus wasn't actually aware of the fact that Elena has feeling for Damon buy maybe he now suspect that that love is not as one-sided as he thought, hoped.

" She realizes all at once that Klaus is watching her. Watching her, while Stefan watches him."

" Because he is obsessive" " Guess who the object is? "

" Klaus doesn't so much as look at her the rest of the night."

Our girl is also suicidal again. I like that the mental health depection is so honest in this fic. Because the road to healing is so long even in the most optimal environment and Elena's environment just sucks. Also water seems to really define her . I mean she once almost died in the lake in mystic falls, had her first suicidal attempt in Mississippi, 2nd in the bathtub, and 3rd now in the pool. I think that pulled her put was Klaus, also there is probably an upside of being compelled by him, because she doesn't remember anything after it until she sees Rebekah which is very odd. Did Kol pull her ought of the water ? 💧 maybe 🤔. Whose body was at the bottom of the pool. A victim? Vampire.

Sorry If this is all over the place but that's how my thoughts are right now. Just wanted to share it.

well, as for what compulsions Elena may be under-- read and find out! but I would say the dreaminess of the chapter could also be read as a state of almost disassociation-- it's all very surreal to Elena to look back and see where she is now by comparison. But the compulsion topic-- and whether Klaus or Stefan or anyone else has controlled her thoughts lately-- was definitely a huge theme to the chapter.

I think Klaus frowned when it was revealed Elena actually had been to Chicago because he reads it as a mistruth from her-- another lie he's caught her in. He's still sensitive on that topic when it comes to Elena.

Hmm I think Rebekah actually does still have influence with Klaus. Their history is so long. He can be unsatisfied by his present situation and still have special feelings reserved for Rebekah. He certainly still considers her his in a very particular way. And he agreed to bring Stefan which both he and Rebekah knew would mean bringing Elena because he's lonely. He probably did want Elena there too but couldn't bring himself to admit it. Or-- bringing Stefan gave him an excuse to summon her as well-- an excuse to himself.

I am so glad you're still on team klena after all this-- it's a slow burn from hell in this fic, but every relationship in some way reflects back on the main ship, you know? because there is a main ship

the colorbllind comment really cracked me up 😂

I think the thing about Elena not having anyone to ask about her loved ones in Mystic Falls is probably an example of unreliable narrator

the thing about Stefan saying things like "even your thoughts aren't yours" is that it's as true for her as it is for them-- they are ultimately both susceptible to and victim to the whims of the originals they live with -- it's a dark form of sympathy

and the Easter Eggs will make sense very soon. the nostalgia of a farewell indeed. 🥚

the end note is interesting-- I'm not sure she's even suicidal-- her compulsion to live would have kicked in if that were the case-- just-- sometimes she is drawn to dangerous situations and she doesn't even register how dangerous they are until she's well in it -- but I agree, her mental health is all over the place.

I think realistically she was under water for an extremely short period of time-- but she was in a weird place mentally and emotionally and got pulled out of the water before she could be under for too long-- like, she was overly passive and comfortable in the water, which is... typical.

#anonymous #fairytale ending

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sun-darling · 10 months ago

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Yesterday i went out for a drink with friends i haven't seen in a while, i was never really the type to drink so i had a hard time holding my liquor. By the time the moon was the brightest and the streets fell silent, everybody was drunk and amidst the intoxicatingly festive atmosphere, i was hit with a dread that dazed my perception of reality. So i went out and found somewhere quiet to sit with myself and puff a cigarette.

A sudden voice startled me "oi khrys! you smoke??" It was Ian.

"yeah, or atleast i used to—I had quit 7 years ago" i replied

"Ah, so whats the occasion?"

"Nothing"

"You suck at lying dood, I've read your recent work, you're as cryptic as ever. I was only able to piece shit together because you kept yapping about kafka, im pretty sure no one caught on to your references" his voice mumbled as he lit a cigarette between his lips.

"Well, nothing i can do about it"

"i guess" he shrugged

"Whats with the kafka and Milena theme anyway? Do they remind you of that janara girl?"

"What the fuck dude, that came out of nowhere"

"AHHAHAHAHA that wasn't out of nowhere, i know you know"

"shut up"

[...] Silence permeated the night, and in attempt to break it, i uttered—

"Do you know how kafka fell in love with milena?"

"Nope, im not a nerd like you lol" he said with a mischievous grin.

"Seriously im gonna punch you"

"HAHAHAHHAHAHA just go on"

"Milena translated his works and he felt so understood and seen by her translation, and i guess i kind of yearned to be understood too. its apparent with how i wrote so obsessively and incessantly with maddening hunger"

"Is that why you developed a habit of opening the fridge everytime you get out of your room? HAHAHAHAHHAHA"

"HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA yeah, nothing's in there that could fill my void though"

"You cringey bastard"

"deal with it prick"

—"Anyway, i yearn to feel what being understood is like, and I'm aware I'm not exactly making it easier for myself. But you know, its like—this is the level of my depth and maybe i was just hoping someone out there was drowning the way i do"

"that's tough" his voice now filled with a hint of melancholy. Or maybe it was alcohol playing tricks on me, but our conversation ended there as we had to go back.

Thinking about it, if you knew me long enough, chances are—you probably heard me say this quote at least once.

"I do not need to be understood, i just need to understand and live with that knowledge peacefully"

and i guess it was just a self justification of why i only have books to turn to and no friends to talk to, but I wasn't really lying about it. I just grew to wonder how it felt to not be the odd one out.

#art

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foxymoxynoona · 2 years ago

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oh no is everything okay? i have noticed you haven’t been around on tumblr lately but i didn’t want to come across as nosy

I'm actually an oversharer about most things LOL so it's not nosy to me, I'm endeared you noticed my behavior as different at all! I don't want to be mysterious or cryptic because I will be ok eventually. I will make it through all of this. But not everything that's going on will turn out ok and sometimes I think that's important to recognize too. So I'll give some more detail for those who are wondering beneath the cut.

TW: medical stuff, parent cancer, surgeries, pet loss.

My health is kind of wreck right now. It turns out I have a rather large lesion (medical jargon for "thing") in my small intestines, so I most likely have surgery ahead, possibly major, BUT we think this is finally what's been causing my debilitating anemia (because it turns out it wasn't the big benign ovarian tumor I had removed, which is crazy). At this point all the tests are looking like it's not malignant or invasive (ie, cancer) YAY, but the doctors are confused about what it is, which is never a good feeling lol so we're waiting on a second opinion from an expert who's on vacation right now and damn, waiting on test results SUCKS. Some of the medical tests have been really hard and stressful. One of the testing procedures caused a painful problem I had to have minor surgery to fix last week which has been a tougher recovery than I had anticipated. Even before that, I've just been in a lot of pain that's hard to live around.

And we just learned my husband has a vestibular schwannoma (a benign tumor on his hearing nerve) and it has some serious life-changing risks no matter what we do. And my dad with a brain tumor has taken a bad turn because his tumor became resistant to the chemo (I'm not sure I've ever mentioned this here...) and I live so far away from my parents. We're hoping a new chemo will make a difference and he's pushed through before but prognosis is always guarded. You can know something is inevitable and never be ready for it.

And like I mentioned, a lot bad pain and uncertainty and constant medical appointments and through all this I have a stressful job and busy kids (one with a birthday party this week!) with their own needs and I really miss my dog who passed away unexpectedly in November because he was my snugglebug when I was sick, and plus my immune system is shot right now with the stress, so I am getting hit with every stupid illness, so eating and sleeping have been hard which you know always makes dealing with things harder. I just got WRECKED by this cold for days that barely touched anyone else in my family and I'm better today but my poor nose 🤡. oh also my husband got laid off 6 weeks ago but he has managed to find a new job to start next month so we can check that one off the stress list and it's actually a great move for him! 😵‍💫 but yeah, that was stressful too!

This isn't even everything but it's the most pressing things 😮‍💨, they just keep piling up. It's just been a lot. Usually tumblr and BTS and my writing and this community are my little safe haven but the pain and stress have left me so hollow that I've just been sort of emotionally shut off from a lot of my usual joys. Writing is like breathing to me and it's scary when it stops.

But I will be ok. I will adapt to whatever medical stuff is coming up even if it's scary, and my husband will adapt to whatever happens with his medical stuff even if it's hard, and I will push through all of the things, and I will even survive the inevitable loss of my dad, which isn't ok but is what it is. I felt a little better today for the first time in a long time, my cold is improving and it wasn't a bad pain day and I even wrote a few paragraphs. Sometimes these small victory days are the best we can manage.

Anyway, sorry this was crazy long if you didn't want all the details. But thanks for asking about me, it's really sweet 🥰

ETA: Since writing this Tuesday night, our childcare just gave her 2-week notice 😭

#asks #anonymous #personal #tw: cancer #tw: medical #tw: pet loss #tw: surgery

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missgreenkitty · 2 months ago

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Looking at my bookshelf and remembering all the books I loved at different points in my life.

In elementary school, I was big into the Young Jedi Knights series and the original DnD (not forgotten realms) novels. Dsd always read them first then would tell me which words not to saw and which parts to not think to hard about (sex scenes in particular, which like, I followed instructions and glossed over them then only realized what they were when I was in like middle school). Also really liked the Pip and Flinx story even if the concepts and world building were a bit too convoluted for my little mind to understand. Also a big fan of Aquamarine and Indigo.

I devoured just about every book given to me and wasn't known to hate any book until I had to read Bridge to Terebithia. I rage quit that book so hard I had an autistic meltdown. The backup book was The Giver and I discovered the second book I ever hated lol. Just not a fan of the author's style as I would later learn when reading her books. And that's okay.

In middle school, I tore through the Wheel of Time books (which easily get over 1k pages depending on edition). I was a big Horse Girl, and religiously kept up with some Horse Girl series (I no longer have them nor remember the names). I was also a Dolphin girl and there was a similar situation there as well

I was also in a lunch-hour bookclub at the school library where we would read some of the new releases in the publishing world. Some were good and I enjoyed them, but not enough to make me buy them or keep up with thenrest of the series if it was a stand alone (I didn't even know Rangers Apprentice was getting more books- i blinked and there were 20 of them). I *did* keep up with The 5 Ancestors because the plot had a choke hold on me and got me really interested in learning on my own about that time period in Chinese history.

Artemis Fowl was my big Beloved series. A delight to read. Lost Colony was/is my favorite in the series and its signed ❤. Also enjoyed a one off called Cryptic Hunters (at least I hoped it stayed a one off). The Frog Princess series was a favourite for its world building and concepts, but I kinda fell off when one day I saw it had expanded past the initial 3 books wherin the 3rd really wrapped everything up neatly. I was also really into X-Men comics at the time (House of M had just happened). New Excalibur was my favourite from then. Talia my beloved......

And of course, bionicle books my beloved..... I forget the exact circumstances, but at one point, I was reading in class (oops lol, my teacher at this point could trust me to learn and retain the material on my own time) and the characters happened to start talking about some property of electricity that was exactly what my teacher was teaching us about...... That was a weird moment.

Middle school was also the year I became brave enough to read Jurassic Park (and lost world) (don't look at me i was a weenie as a kid) and that remains, to this day, my favourite book ever.

High school was my manga era. My Naruto, Fruits Basket, FMA, and Bleach collections have sadly been lost to time, but most of my CLAMP books were from then since Tokyopop was still a mega prominent company in America. Among my other favourites, I still have the code geass manga (the show without mecha), Demon Diary (hear me out.....), Hetalia, and Descendants of Darkness.

Also got more into Marvel comics then, esp the first run of Young Avengers and Children's Crusade. I wouldn't get into DC until uhhhhhhhh 2013???? Roughly??? Maybe 2014.... Anyways, my favorite book-books from that era were either school assigned ones I loved (Great Gatsby....) or not so well written self published on Amazon dark gay supernatural books...

I discovered fanfiction in 8th grade via bionicle and that was that....... I read so much naruto, bleach, and Hetalia fanfiction specifically in high school. The fics i enjoyed then I would prolly not enjoy now lol (a lot of high school aus but I was also..... in high school.... and not in my 30s). There were some genres of fic i loved starting out, then hated for the longest time, now love again (OCs........ give me your OCs, your isekais, your dimension hopping......). The internal (and external) misogyny in myself was pretty bad in high school and early college. Letting go of that was the best thing I ever did. I am cringe but free.

Idk why i decided to suddenly drop a diary entry on here. As I typed, I would remember old things I had forgotten and added them in. Perhaps its because I have a memory disorder now, that I cherish knowing this more than ever. Dont mind me, I hope I find this again in a year or 2 or 3 and get to remember again :)

#rambles #memory keep

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after-nine-at-the-oasis · 3 months ago

Text

:'O is Carlos getting updates about it from TK :'DD?

IS THAT THEM THERE :'DD??

OH WAITT NOO HE'S LOOKING AT JUST PICTURES OF TK I THINK 🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️ guys I'm so not okay over them <3333

AWWWW LOOK AT HIS LITTLE SMIIIILE :'DDDD!!!!

Oope :'o

OKAY PHEW :'OO!!!

Oh thank goodness :'D

LOL bro was being homosexual on main literally right in front of them xD iconic

Anyway

Ohh ope :O

Is it Carlos :'oo :'D

Oh right :'O

😭😭😭😭😭🥺🥺🥺🥺❤️❤️❤️❤️ :'((( he doesn't know D':

Carlos like ". . yep" XDD

Or just that he's his son and that's the best he can get now 😬😬🥺🥺

Awww Carlos :'(((

Okay we don't get to know what he said

Maybe we'll find out by context but xD

He's like "you're not Gabriel -o-?"

Oope he wasn't even really awake

Ahh yeah that'll help 😬 the name

Might wanna explain though- ope xD

He's deep undercover (not like literallyyy but yk) lol

Oh right no he was a CI he's just like that xD

Honey this is the only choice you've got at this point :'(( sorry

I hope he's still willing to speak xdd

Awww yeah 😭😭🥺

I'm glad Carlos can say it so easily but it just still sucks :'(((

Awwww yeah :')) the next best thing :')

His little smile :') :'( 🥺😭😭🥹

Yeah, it's him :'))

Is he gonna recognize the name :'o :')?

No honey it is :(((

Yep :'oo

His smile :'(((

The ring- oh I looked up it's his ID lol

Or maybe both 🥺🥺 :') xD

Aww :'ooo

Yeah they do have similar, very soulful and expressive eyes :'(((

Awwww :'))) yeah <33

AWWWW 😭😭😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️🥺

I'm glad Carlos got to hear that <333 I know he knew but :'))

Awww :'((( ❤️

Yeah :')) 😭😭😭🥺❤️

Yes :'(( 😔😤

YES he agrees

It definitely is 😬😬

OPE OH NO

I swear if he dies before he can give any information/full information

Ohh noo

What??

Five five five something five what?

What o.o

Like, in different branches of the law/the rangers O.O- oh okay no from cases, like CIs, phew xdd 😭

Uhh ohhh

OH NO

We know what that means Carlos O.O

Ohh crap

Someone sold them out 😳😳😬

OHHH CRAPPP

OHHHH NOOOOOO

Y'all you weren't seriously right

Me too I think but-?

Yeah :'(((

As you needed to me D':

It's not your fault honey :'(( <33

Ohhh noo

Come on come on

C'monnnn

A NAMEEE

Craappppp

OH NOOO

He didn't give it in time 😭😭😭🥺

Oh no :(((

OH WAIT NO IT FLASHED BACK HE STILL MIGHT

Oh gosh :'((( this poor guy 😭😭 DD':

Ohhh noo

Uh ohh Carlos doesn't look well o.o

Like I think he was given a name 😳

And I think it's Campbell

Or the commander guy but

Ohhh noo D:

Come onn-

Yeah no, he isn't, for obvious/good reasons xdd 😭🥺😬

Oh no 😭😭😭😭😭🥺🥺🥺💔💔😔😔 that poor guy, he didn't deserve that DD': :'(((

At least he got one last conversation <33

Yeah :'((

Oope o.o

He's gonna say no

But I think he did O.O

THAT STARE

Don't blow it now Carlos, don't say anything

Carlos is good at keeping a cover

But he's not that good at lying

I KNEW IT

RANGER

CAMPBELL

WHAAAATTTTT

COME ON CARLOS-

YES!!!

"NO" THANK GOODNESS

GOOD JOB

Oh gosh y'all 😭😳😳

This is boutta go crazy

BRO Y'ALL HOW DID WE KNOW

Like I say y'all knew it but I did too I guessed it vaguely and just moved on!!

My gosh O.O

Wow

That was wild

I'm so excited for the next episode it's ridiculous y'all xdd

Also I want Carlos telling TK so someone knows

If only Grace were here 😔😔 xD

Also Detective Washington :O

Like to help more than just to tell xD

Bring in everybody xD

Anyway I want him to leave a dramatic message for TK or something like a note or a cryptic goodbye or tell him in case something happens to him 🥺🥺🥺

Anyway xD

LOVELY EPISODE

AMAZING

Wow

Took me three hours (almost, more like 2 and a half) to watch too xD but, in my defense, I did take that break in the middle to calm down and got distracted lol

Anyway!!

Amazing, I loved it so much :)))

#9-1-1 lone star #911 lone star #oasis's 9-1-1 chatter #w o w #so good #such a good episode my gosh #now to watch the promo :D :O 😳😬🤞🤞

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run-me-through-but-not-like-that · 3 years ago

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Hii, slightly weird request. (And If you don’t feel okay with this, that’s okay! I’m not sure if you only write GN only or…) but I was wondering if possible if you could do a fic or something with Izzy and the reader is his S/O who finds out they’re pregnant? Or gender neutral, they find a kid who’s parents are now gone and they take the kid in? Thank you. And sorry. Turns out I’m really down bad for Izzy. Lol

Izzy being good with kids? Izzy being good with kids. Anyway, here's you and Izzy accidently adopting a child.

Warnings: the child's parents have died and he was placed in an abusive environment. No abuse is discussed, just implied.

You and Izzy Hands take a child under your wing:

Entering the storeroom to check that everything had been stored away properly after stocking up at port, you paused when you heard shuffling followed by silence.

"Christ. Lucius, Pete, if that's you, speak up now because I'm really not in the mood to see all that" you groaned, expected their two head to pop up with guilty smiles.

Instead, there was just silence.

"Shit, better not be rats" you muttered to yourself as you moved further into the storeroom, freezing as you peaked around the crate in the back corner of the room.

Curled up in the corner, knees pressed against their chest, looking up at you with wide, fearful eyes...was a child.

God, you wished it was rats.

"Please don't hurt me" the kid hiccupped, snapping you out of your stunned silence.

"I'm not going to hurt you" you assured the young boy. "...how did you get in here?" you asked, trying to wrap your head around your little discovery.

"Snuck in...no one was around..." he told you quietly. Admittedly, you weren't too surprised that a child had managed to sneak on, the crew wasn't always the most observant.

"Are you pirates?" the kid asked, glossy eyes looking at you pleadingly.

"Yeah...yeah we are" you nodded, only causing him to look more afraid. "Relax kid, nobody is going to hurt you" you promised him as you sat down on the ground, legs crossed as you tried to look as unthreatening as possible.

"We left port yesterday, you've been in here the whole time?" you asked and he just nodded.

Sighing, you rubbed your forehead. "My captain will agree to taking you home, I'll speak with him" you assured him, beginning to stand up again.

"No!" the child scrambled towards you, grabbing your sleeve.

"He won't hurt you-" you began to reassure him but were quickly interrupted.

"I don't want to go back, please don't make me go back" he pleaded, looking more afraid of the prospect of going back to port than when he found out you were pirates.

"What about your parents?" you frowned. Surely this kid would want to get back to his family?

"...they're gone" the boy whispered, releasing your sleeve, gaze dropping to the wooden floor.

"...alright, I'm sorry" you sighed, sitting down properly again. "What's your name?" you asked gently.

"Michael" he sniffled.

"Stay here, okay Michael? I'll be back really quick" he looked at you for a moment, like he was trying to decide if you were trustworthy, before nodding.

You gave him, what you hoped was a, comforting smile before standing and leaving the storeroom. Muttering 'oh my god' to yourself, you rushed up onto the deck to find the man you were looking for.

You found Izzy scolding Black Pete about knots or something, you didn't really care, just needing him to follow you. "Izzy, a word, please?"

"You alright?" he frowned at you, instantly noticing the panic and concern on your face.

"It's just really important" you didn't even look at Pete, grabbing Izzy by the cuff of his sleeve and dragging him away.

He complained and asked what the hell was going on as you pulled him down into the ship and towards the storeroom.

"There's something in the storeroom" you told him cryptically once you reached the door.

"Shit. Rats?" Izzy sighed, rubbing his face, frustration clear on his face.

"No...worse...much more complicated" you shook your head.

"Just tell me what it is" he huffed. In his defence, he would never correctly guess what was hiding behind that door.

"Better if I show you, just...don't overreact, okay?" you looked at him pleadingly, making him more concerned, before you pushed him inside.

Closing the door behind you, you pushed a barrel in front of the door so nobody could come in behind you.

Izzy glanced around the room, seeing that everything was in place and there was no evidence of rats. He frowned, turning back to question you.

You held a hand up to silence his question before calling out gently, "Michael, you can come out."

Izzy turned around again just in time to see a kid nervously popping out from their hiding spot. "What the fuck?" he words spilled from him before he even processed them. Because, and he'll repeat, what the fuck?

"Language" you chastised. "He said he snuck on when nobody was around. I said Stede would take him back but he doesn't want to go" you explained briefly.

"And what do you want me to do?" Izzy looked at you, just as lost as you were. Why didn't you go and get Stede, what did you expect Izzy to do about this?

"Well I don't know what to do, you're the first mate!" you reminded him. Stowaways probably fell under his list of responsibilities rather than yours.

That's fair, Izzy nodded, taking a breath. "We should just tell the captains, let them decide what to do" it was just a kid, Stede and Edward would be fair. Neither of you doubted that. Plus, Izzy really didn't want this responsibility.

"...you're right" you sighed, finally turning your attention back to the nervous child. "Alright, Michael. This is Izzy Hands, our first mate. I promise nobody is going to hurt you or anything, but we need to introduce you to our captains, okay?" you asked with a smile.

"...okay" Michael nodded, seeming to trust you to some extent at least.

Izzy moved the barrel out of the way and opened the door, letting the two of you step out first. Michael was by your side in an instant, clutching your hand like a life line.

You flashed him a reassuring smile before heading towards the captain's quarters. You and Izzy certainly got some strange looks as you crossed the deck with a child shyly clinging to your arm.

The captains were definitely surprised by the discovery and, as you had expected, Stede had offered to take him home. Only for Michael to break down in tears, pleading to be allowed to stay, promising to be a great pirate, just please don't take him back there.

Edward's expression had hardened, promising not to take the kid back to that port. The two captains ended up bickering about what to do with the child before deciding that...he would just have to stay on the ship until they came up with a better plan.

The boy looked terrified at the notion of returning and they just couldn't bring themselves to do that to him.

Izzy had scoffed, rightfully reminding them that a pirate ship was no place for a child. He had joined a life of piracy young but still older than this boy. He was too young. He might have been right but nobody had any better ideas.

So, here you all where. Pirates and babysitters.

Izzy grumbled to himself, sat at the rigging as he retied the knots, complaining about how useless Bonnet's crew truly was. He had been so distracted him his angry muttering that he hadn't heard anyone approaching.

"Uh...Mister Hands?" Michael's quiet voice interrupted the task, making the first make look towards him.

The kid looked nervous, like he was unsure whether he should be talking to him or not. Technically, Michael had spent more time with Izzy than most of the crew but that was mostly because Michael clung to you and you spent most of your time with Izzy.

"Just call me Izzy, kid" he sighed, finishing with the knot he was working on.

"Okay" Michael perked up a little, confidence growing. "Do you think you could teach me some...piratey things?" he asked, causing Izzy to just look at him, a little confused by the request. "Y/n keeps telling me about how you're the best pirate on the ship, on the whole seven seas! I'm a pirate now and I want to learn from the best!" he explained, bouncing on his feet with excitement.

"Christ, kid. You want some advice?" Izzy asked, a little amused. Michael nodded eagerly. "Not all stories are to be taken literally" he told him, the corner of his mouth twitching up slightly.

"So...you're not the best?" Michael frowned, his head tilting to the side.

Izzy actually chuckled a little at that before asking, "what do you want to learn, kid?"

"Oh! How to fight!" Michael's excitement instantly returned, taking up a dramatic sword fighting stance.

The first mate huffed a small laugh. "I think you can wait a little for that. Y/n would kill me if I gave you a blade" he commented, shaking his head. "Piracy isn't all about fighting, it's about running a ship. Gotta know your knots" he shrugged.

"...there's more than one knot?" the kid asked, face scrunching up.

"More than ten" Izzy mused, almost fond of how the kid's eyes widened.

"Will you teach me?" now, Izzy certainly wasn't expecting that. Even the so called adult pirates on this ship didn't want to learn how to tie knots properly, but this kid apparently did.

"Sure, sit down" Izzy nodded, already untying one of the knots he had done to show him how to do it.

A knock on the cabin door roused you and Izzy from your peaceful rest. Izzy grumbled to himself, something about 'what do those twats want now?'

You just sighed before calling out, "what's up?" through the door.

"Uh, it's me. Frenchie. Got Michael here" the bard called back, you could imagine him shifting nervously, not sure what to do.

At that, Izzy sat up. You weren't sure if it was just to give you room to get off the the cot or if the comment had concerned him in some way. You climbed out of bed with a frown, quickly padding over to the door and opening it.

"Found him wandering about, said he was looking for you" Frenchie explained, gesturing down to the boy.

Looking down, you saw Michael nervously clutching at Frenchie's pant leg. Seemingly shaken up by something, eyes red like he had been crying.

"You alright, Mikey?" you asked, kneeling down to better match his height.

The child instantly stepped away from Frenchie and towards you. "Bad dreams" he mumbled, hanging his head.

"Alright...you wanna come in?" you assumed he had asked for you, which was why Frenchie brought him here. Then again, the crew might be more inclined to bring him to you when there was a problem because he seemed to become so attached to you.

He nodded, sniffling quietly.

"Thanks Frenchie" you stood again, giving the bard an appreciative smile.

"S'alright. Just make sure Izzy didn't scare him even more, yeah?" Frenchie half-joked. To be fair to the prickly first mate, he had been surprisingly...decent towards the new child aboard. They didn't even know Izzy could be so patient.

"Fuck off!" Izzy shouted from his position back on the cot.

"Language!" you and Frenchie shouted back in unison. Poor kid is going to have a pretty broad vocabulary after his little venture with your crew.

Frenchie gave you a nod and a smile, wishing you a goodnight before leaving. Placing a hand on Michael's shoulder, you guided him into the cabin and closed the door behind you.

"Is it alright if Michael hangs out here for a bit, Iz? He had a bad dream" you asked rhetorically, obvious Izzy had already heard all of that and you were sure he wouldn't turn the child away, no matter how cold hearted he wanted some people to think he was.

"Yeah, whatever" Izzy shrugged, waving his hand vaguely as if to welcome him into the room.

You sat on the cot, leaving enough room for Michael to climb up and scramble between the two of you.

"Pirates shouldn't have bad dreams" Michael sniffed, making your chest ache.

"Now, that simply isn't true" you chastised gently. So young and already getting harmful ideas.

"It's not?" Michael asked, looking up at you with wide, glossy eyes.

"We all have bad dreams, kid. Pirates more than most" Izzy agreed with another shrug.

"You too?" now the boy was looking up at him with those wide eyes. Vulnerable and innocent. Izzy didn't want him to turn out like him, he was a good kid.

"Sometimes" Izzy nodded. "Y/n is really good at handling them, though" he assured the young boy, glancing over at you.

"Really?" he looked so hopeful, that he might find comfort in the two of you. You wondered how long it had been since somebody had been there to comfort him after a bad dream.

"I try my best" you smiled reassuringly, combing your fingers through his hair. "Wanna talk about the dream?" you asked.

That night, you and Izzy learnt all about what Michael had stowed away on a random ship. How he had escaped the 'mean people' he had been placed with after the death of his parents. It sounded like he had only been with them for a few months but it had been long enough for him to know that he had to run away, you supposed he was just lucky that he stumbled onto the Revenge.

After recalling his dream and having you dry his fresh tears, Michael eventually managed to fall asleep, clinging onto Izzy's arm.

"He's worse than you" Izzy huffed, pretending to be annoyed by the clingy child.

"But not as bad as you" you teased, earning a small smile from the tired first hand.

"He really likes you" Izzy observed, shifting slightly to get more comfortable without waking the boy.

"He likes you too, obviously" you laughed quietly, nodding to the way Michael buried his face in his arm.

"Don't know how to interact with kids" Izzy confessed as you settled down on the other side of the child.

"You're doing just fine. Admittedly, better than I thought you would. I think he likes that you don't talk down to him too much" you hummed.

There was a moment of silence, you were just beginning to feel sleep returning to you when Izzy spoke again. "...what are we going to do with him?"

"I don't know, Iz...I don't know..."

The Revenge was docked at a port, not one you were very familiar with but it appeared fairly popular. You had decided to take Michael out with you for the day, thinking that he deserved to wander about on land for a while and that it might be good for him.

You had stopped at a stall, making a purchase. Michael had been right by your side, looking around all wide eyed and excited to be seeing new places. However, as you pocketed your purchase and turned around, Michael was nowhere in sight.

Instantly, panic swirled in your stomach, bile rising in your throat. It could have been described as the type of fear only a parent could feel.

You wasted no time, searching the market, searching for the young boy, calling out his name but getting no respond. Concluding that he must have wandered away from the market, you began exploring the twisting alleyways near by in search for him. It was becoming difficult to breath, you could hear your heart beating in your ears.

Somehow, the sound of some sort of scuffle caught your attention, and you immediately hurried towards the sound.

Flying around a corner, you froze when you saw Izzy pinning a man up against a wall with a knife to his throat. Behind the first mate stood Michael, one hand clutching the back of his waistcoat.

"Get the fuck outta here" Izzy ordered lowly, releasing the man. He wasn't going to kill him in front of the kid, even in his anger he knew better than that. "Didn't you hear me, fuck off" he snapped when the man didn't move, prompting him to scamper off and out of sight.

Izzy tucked his knife away before turning to face Michael. "Are you alright? He didn't hurt you did he?" he asked, crouching down to match his height.

Michael just shook his head, sniffling. "Good" Izzy nodded. You were about to step in, make yourself known, figuring that Izzy wouldn't know what to do with a crying child. Hell, you barely knew what to do.

"You're alright now, Son. Wouldn't let anything happen to you, would I? I am the best pirate on the seven seas after all" Izzy reassured him, putting a smile on both yours and Michael's face. "And when we get back to the ship, I'll train you to protect yourself, just in case somebody else isn't around. How do you like the sound of that?" he asked.

Michael perked up a lot at that, having been pleading with Izzy to teach him how to fight like a pirate.

"Alright. No more need for tears, it's all over now" Izzy comforted the child, using the cuff of his sleeve to wipe away the fresh tears from his chubby cheeks.

Izzy flinched a little, surprised, when Michael threw his arms around his neck. The man relaxed, letting out a sigh as he returned the boy's embrace. He muttered something to the child before standing, lifting Michael with him, holding him in his arms.

"Izzy" you finally announced yourself, Izzy turning to you and Michael lifting his head from his shoulder to look at you. "God, Mikey, I'm so glad you're alright" you sighed, relieved, as you hurried towards the pair.

"Saw him run off when you were at that stall, thought I should keep an eye on him" Izzy told you, adjusting the scrawny boy in his hold.

"You can't just run off like that, Mikey. It's dangerous, okay?" you didn't sound angry with him, because you weren't, just concerned as you ran your fingers through his hair.

Michael just nodded and apologised, promising never to do that again. You just tucked his growing hair behind his ear, certain that he had already learnt his lesson.

Izzy stood up on the quarterdeck, a common thing for him to do, but things had felt different lately. Almost as if he was filled with a renewed purpose, he couldn't quite put his finger on it though.

"Alright, Dizzy Izzy. What did you do with it?" Lucius questioned accusingly, storming right up to the first mate.

"What the fuck do you think I've done?" Izzy snarled back. True, he had been in higher moods lately, but he didn't like being accused of things he didn't do.

"My wooden finger! Where is it?" he asked angrily.

Izzy just sighed before glancing around, shaking his head when he caught a glimpse of Michael ducking behind a barrel. "Michael" he called sternly, but he didn't sound angry in the slightest.

With a defeated expression and slumped shoulders, Michael came out of his hiding place and dragged his feet across the quarterdeck.

"Give it back" Izzy demanded, holding his hand out to the small boy.

Michael huffed as he dug something out of his pocket, placing the familiar piece of wood work in Izzy's hand.

Izzy laughed a little to himself before turning back to the bewildered scribe. "Been teaching him to pickpocket" was the first mate's only explanation.

"...it was my finger..." Lucius frowned, wondering when the kid could have snatched it from him without him even noticing.

"Then he must be getting pretty good at it" Izzy shrugged, "now fuck off."

"Good job" Izzy grinned, clasping his hand over the boy's shoulder proudly, "but, son?"

"Yeah, Izzy?" Michael looked up at him with shiny, adoring eyes. Looking at him in that way that always scared Izzy a little bit, in that way that felt like too much responsibility.

"Next time, steal something valuable" he advised fondly.

"Yes, sir!" the boy saluted dramatically, a beaming smile on his face.

"Now, go and help Black Pete with that knot, he's just done it wrong for the third time" Izzy watched with a smile he wasn't even aware of, his chest swelling with pride, as Michael excitedly ran off to help the pirate.

"Now, this is something I never thought I'd see" Edward's voice almost made Izzy jump, he might have if he wasn't so used to the other man seemingly just appearing out of thin air, "never actually thought about it, to be honest."

"What are you talking about, Edward?" Izzy asked with a sigh, pretty sure he knew where this was going.

"Michael. That you're kind of a father now, mate" his captain shrugged as if it meant nothing, as if it was a simple fact, the obvious.

"Fuck off. I'm not his father" Izzy protested. He wasn't the kid's father, but it wasn't like he was going to let him get himself killed. So yeah, he taught him some things, let him stay with the two of you when the nightmares got bad, told him (more child friendly) stories of his time as a pirate, bought him that stupid bandanna that apparently made him look like a 'real pirate'. He wasn't a father, could never be one, would mess a kid up like he does everything else.

"No but he likes you well enough. God knows why" Edward teased, elbowing the shorter man in the ribs.

"Fuck off."

"If it means anything, you're doing a good job. The pair of you" his tone had turned more sincere now as he watched you cross the deck, ruffling the young boy's hair as he and Pete showed you their handiwork.

"Yeah...yeah, guess we're doing alright" Izzy agreed. He couldn't argue with that. You were great with the kid and he didn't feel completely lost with him when you were there.

"So...is the kid staying on the ship? The crew has kinda taking a liking to him, he's like a little mascot or something" Edward asked, genuinely curious.

"A pirate ship is dangerous for a child. It's dangerous for anyone" Izzy reminded him. Honestly, it was a question he hadn't come up with an answer for yet.

Of course, Edward had already heard that before. Stede had already given him the lecture about how it's not safe for a child, only going on to contradict himself of course when he mourned the possible goodbye of the child. Just think of where he could end up without all of you to guide him!

"Yeah but we all know you won't drop him off at some orphanage or workhouse" Edward pointed out, that would just be cruel. He was right, Izzy felt a little nauseous at the mere suggestion.

"We'll figure something out" Izzy promised with a decisive nod.

"Don't rush or anything, quite like the little guy. Quite like being uncle Ed" Blackbeard, or Uncle Ed, grinned, clasping Izzy's shoulder proudly. Much like he had done earlier with the young boy.

"Alright, that's enough" Izzy huffed, pushing his hand off of his shoulder. Edward just laughed at the flustered expression on his first mate's face before walking off.

It was around lunchtime. Izzy only realised because you had sat Michael down on the deck with a roll and some water. It felt like somebody was grasping at his heart when the two of you spotted him up on the quarterdeck, both of you giving him bright smiles and waves. Before he even realised his feet were moving, Izzy was moving down the steps to join you for something to eat.

#izzy hands x reader #ofmd #ofmd izzy #izzy hands #our flag means death

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