#Honestly you could ask me which mutuals what and id describe it

[violexides]

ive got mutuals i would write poetry about in the fucking BCE Id describe them like the earth sun stars whateverthe fuck . i got mutuals that entire bands should be formed about Ive got mutuals that shouldve had their portraits painted. I also got mutualsive never said a damn word to in my entire life but this counts doubly so tbh. we can make this happen

[onemoreattempt]

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Intro

You can call me Zen!

I use they/them pronouns:)

I’m a very sleepy, very busy stem double major just trying to talk about their interests.

I’m also audhd!

Current Status: stressed and still recovering from pneumonia

Current predominant interest: epic the musical

Request a frog (🐸) in my asks to receive a frog sticker at least when I have the energy to write alt text for it

My url is bc my previous blogs, readingdreamingscheming and cozywordz, broke (tumblr hates vpns) this was going to be one more attempt at a blog before giving up. My pfp is from over the garden wall. I haven’t changed either of them bc I fear my mutuals not recognizing me.

Things I may post about with varied ratios and intervals (ie: my interests):

Books/other media

Kotlc, riordanverse, toh, gravity falls, svtfoe, atla, heartstopper?, tuc, tlc, dropout?, tmbs (the mysterious Benedict society), thg and tbosas, Holly black novels, 36 Questions the Podcast Musical, The Great Comet of 1812, TIG, The Naturals, and probably more.

Honestly, this is mostly a book blog

STEM

mostly neuroscience, psychology, data science, plant stuff, and maybe some physics—also maybe academia

Neurodivergence and neurodiversity

primarily neurodevelopmental disorders, personal experience, and curious musings

Other

You also may get random thoughts, shit posts, ramblings, deep thoughts, and the product of curiosity-driven web searches

animal facts

Sometimes I add ids to posts without ids (I do it when I have time and can confidently describe them)

I also may occasionally post about world events.

What there will and won’t be:

There will be no p*rn or anything close to it. That stuff makes me uncomfortable, so please respect that boundary.

There will be swear words.

There will be no bigotry.

There will be liberal usage of the block button.

There will probably be a lot of Bippy frog stickers.

There will be spoilers which I’ll try to be better about tagging (I just don’t remember when things happen😭)

I probably won’t tag you in things unless I am tagged in something first!

Tags:

favorite/favorites: some of my favorite posts

vent: me trying to let off steam by talking about my problems

onemoreattempt op: original posts by me

🔨🚧🏗️👷🚜🔩🧱🪚⚙️

WORK IN PROGRESS! GRRR CHNK OTHER CONSTRUCTION NOISES!

🔨🚧🏗️👷🚜🔩🧱🪚⚙️

Other:

If I post ab something you don’t want to see on your dash, please lmk a tag I can use, so I can avoid making you uncomfortable in the future!

I’ll try to add tone indicators when I think it might be unclear, but feel free to request I add a tone indicator or clarify my tone! Here is a list of tone indicators I may use (most common in bold) (working on making the post now!)

It has been drawn to my attention that ppl shipping me could become a thing. Please don’t :)

Disclaimer: I also have no obligation to respond to everyone and everything. I mean, yeah, I’ll try, and, yeah, I’ll get most, but, if you refer to the top of this post, you will see that I am 1) double majoring in two different STEM disciplines, 2) disabled, and 3) very tired. If you stick around here for a bit, you will realize there are more numbers and things I have going on, so I will not pressure myself to respond to everything, especially things that stress me out more than I already am.

[undergrounddweller89]

More random thoughts on if Killian and Walter lived together some time after movie events, still au and ooc and Killian is I dunno how to describe it in love a little obsessed secretly with Walter and this is one ramble where there's no admittance of love between them as It's a time prior to that, anyway I throw sense out the window I'm literally too tired to get everything right and wrote this on the spot so bleh on mistakes and stuff.

Killian was rifling through his draws, where was it, he'd wanted to wear it last night for bed, he was sure it'd been put back, he sighed wearily, maybe it was at the bottom of the wash basket still.

He went down the stairs for breakfast where Walter was munching on toast, Lovey on his shoulder.

Watching tv, amazing really, especially as Beckett was usually jotting some new idea down.

Aaaand then he saw it.

"Walter."

Killian's voice was a soft growl as he quirked a brow and folded his arms.

Walter looked up at him like a guilty puppy who knew he'd done something wrong but hoped the look would let him get away with it.

"Yes, Killian?"

He asked trying to sound innocent as possible.

"I was looking for that shirt last night, care to tell me how it ended up on you?"

Walter looked at Lovey and then at Killian

"Ummm well it was in my drawer, I dunno it just looked really comfy and...I'm sorry I won't borrow your clothes anymore..."

"Borrowing would imply that you asked for them, you Beckett are a certified low grade criminal...stealing a man's clothes could imply something else though, I expect that shirt back tonight."

Killian returned walking past the couch and going to the kitchen, it was sweet Walter had rearranged the room so he could actually have surfaces to make himself meals and the likes.

The first time he'd arrived he'd been more than expecting to not feel welcomed, sure it was Beckett but people could seem one way out in the world and another behind closed doors.

No, Beckett wore his heart on his sleeve and for a while he'd wanted to place his claws around it and watch that sunshine attitude leave him as he realised the world was not a little wonderland that could be made better with a hug.

Then again, it was a hug that saved him so to speak...irony.

Killian though at this point might have just gone crazy if Walter wasn't so naturally affectionate with people he trusted, why he trusted him was still beyond his understanding but here they were, living in what had always been Walters home since childhood...

Walter's natural ability to be affectionate meant he could get away with ruffling his hair, having Beckett leaning on him during a movie and just casually placing an arm around him.

Sometimes Beckett would just sit on his lap like it was completely normal and Killian had tested the boundaries by placing a chin on his shoulder and Walter had, had no reaction like this was just typical interaction...was it so typical that he just would also let him put his arms around him to and nuzzle his neck...

Then again he might have lied a little and just said he had an itchy nose when that happened.

Of course he'd have murdered anyone else who dared to sit on his lap, just because he was behaving here didnt mean he wouldn't still straight up murder someone if he thought he could get away with it.

Lance had tried sitting on his lap once as a joke, Killian recalled letting out a literal growl, he'd even been somewhat surprised at the near primal sound, Sterling of course never tried that again.

He made his morning coffee, thankful that Walter also knew not to talk too much until he'd had it.

He walked back in and found Walter ass up in the air and nearly spat his coffee, he hadn't seen it before as his shirt had been covering it, not only was wearing his shirt but his boxers to.

Beckett who had been reaching for a magazine under the side table hit his head when he heard the sharp tone in Killian's voice

"Beckett!"

Killian winced slightly, even he felt that thud.

Walter sat up holding a hand to his head

"Yes Killian?"

"Nothing, just wanted to see if I could startle you, seems like it."

He decided not to chew him out, because perhaps he liked that he was wearing them.

Killian sat in the arm chair and put a leg over the other, hiding the subtle interest that showed his body agreed with that statement.

"You're evil."

Walter pouted rubbing his head.

"Hmm perhaps but you already knew that when you let the big bad wolf into your home, little red."

Walter was about to argue but...eh fair point.

"Still mean."

"You like it Beckett or you'd have given me your puppy eyes by now."

Killian sipped his coffee and sighed contentedly, god coffee made existence just a little easier and some days he swore he'd marry whoever made it.

He sat there half watching what was on the tv, one of Walters soap opera's which he would die before admitting he actually was invested in it.

"I swear Walter, if you were bigger than a tooth pick I would steal your clothing though I might wager I could just about put that yellow jumper over my arm."

Walter looked him over and shrugged

"Wouldn't mind if you did, I have a pair of baggy Unitee pants that might fit you though they might ride up to your knees considering our height differences."

Killian's eye twitched as he grumbled

"Id sooner be dead."

Though he was never going to admit he might have been a creep one time after Walter had slept in them and done something involving his hand just because he knew Walters cock had been right there, they'd still been warm.

Killian half buried his face into his coffee mug hoping that Walters comment hadn't been one hinting that he knew what sordid thing he'd done.

"Also not my colour Beckett."

Was all he responded.

Walter shrugged and went back to his show, flicking through his magazine, Lovey was nesting in Walters hair and glaring at Killian, oh she knew, she knew what he was doing, her look though was not one that told him to stop it.

No it was one that said HURT MY BABY I'LL PECK OUT YOUR GOOD EYE.

Killian's cheeks puffed out as he exhaled, sheesh who knew a pigeon could scream murder louder than him with just a stare.

Later that night Walter showered before bed, returned the shirt back to Killian who went back to his room, the boxers placed in the basket just under a few things prior to said shower, the basket was usually left out on the landing.

After his shower and wrapped in towels Walter had been wondering something, for a while now.

He quietly looked where he'd placed the boxers he'd worn that day in the basket... Uh-huh, just as he'd expected, they were gone, he couldn't help but smirk, oh Killian thought he was being sooooo sneaky.

Heh, no, he wasn't as quiet as he thought he was either, he could hear the subtle creak in there and soft whine no doubt into a pillow... Or biting his fist, honestly if he had metal claw he'd definitely handle himself with it to.

The first time this had happened it'd been a surprise, now it was just enticing to see how long it was before Killian would break and climb into his bed and plead for him.

Oh Walter might seem naive to the world in so, so many ways but there were somethings he was not so ignorant on either, he could walk right in there and offer a helping hand but for the time being it was far more pleasurable to hear the quite whines and play pretend Killian was begging for him, on his knees a desperate man who desired to the point of pain.

After all who didn't want someone to pursue and crave them like that.

He dried off and climbed into his own bed smiling.

Especially when the feeling was apparently mutual.

(I don't tend to go deep on my stuff I guess, what you get is what you get.)

[transsexualhamlet]

sherlock holmes reactions part six (aka me losing my mind over the final problem)

Hi, I am once again reminding you all that I've formed a parasocial relationship with the crackhead detective 👍 This made me overly emotional for the fact that he didnt even die

But like

hhhmmmmmmmm those were certainly an interesting 14 pages

Yeah, I already made a post about how the final problem relates to yuumori's final problem and how incredibly sexy it is but yes now I'd just like to relay to you how absolutely heart brocken i am over this lol I will eventually get to reading the post hiatus stories i just. I haven't emotionally recovered from this yet

Yelling below the cut somehow this reaction feels longer than the story itself. but it's about half cracking jokes and half sobbing so be prepared

I mean, starting off strong with "well yknow since i got married my and sherlock's Very Intimate Relations had to be modified and all but we hadnt seen each other in a while so it was kind of jarring to see him crawling in my second story bedroom window clutching Wounds and closing the shutters absolutely fucking wasted losing his mind over some dude named moriarty"

We've been over this but. Oh my god why are they gay

I just like????? Imagine how fucking bizzare that would be to just see your old homie crawl into your window bleeding on your floor and asking to exit the other way in case he's followed like "hey bro can we Talk i hope you're not busy" WHAT IS HE SUPPOSED TO DO, SAY HE IS? Imagine watson just like "no dude I'm fucking busy go get killed"

But legitimately. That's certainly something. And like, I see a lot of books starting like this lmao but. Holmes's stuff usually starts off kind of easily with watson going "yeah so lately ive been Experiencing Sherlock Holmes" and spend 20 minutes on exposition with them having a Conversation but no. mans just fucking escaped a hitman and went directly to his boyfriend's house having apparently Never Before In His Goddamn Life mentioned his actual nemesis to this guy. How the FUCK has watson never heard of him before.

And how sherlock starts talking about it isn't any less funny he's just like "UHHH SO THERE'S THIS GUY. THIS ABSOLUTE MAN. AND HES REALLY IMPRESSIVE I MEAN HES LIKE SUPER FUCKING SMART AND HES LIKE DOING CRIMES????? SO I LIKE. I NOTICED AS I DO BUT HE NOTICED THAT I NOTICED AND I MIGHT HAVE MADE A LITTLE FUCKY WUCKY DUDE CAN YOU HELP ME LIKE. FLEE THE COUNTRY" and watson's like my dear sherlock What The Fuck

Im also loving how he calls moriarty a "mathematical celebrity" awhi;grih;oaewhhta;ioh;iaewh;ii;oewh;eh;rg mans just. ok lol hes a Math Celebrity that had to quit his math teacher job because EVERYONE JUST KNEW HE WAS A CRIME LORD LIKE THEY TOOK ONE LOOK AT HIM AND WENT MANS DEFINITELY HAS BODIES IN HIS BASEMENT I DONT WANT HIM TEACHING HERE

But yeah, it was interesting to see what the big deal about og moriarty was... especially since the deal simply did not deliver. There was not really a big deal. It's like reading the first chapter of a book and immediately skipping to the climax. Everything is so hyped up and clearly having been building for years and you just get like NO CONTEXT. I swear Moriarty wasn't goddamn mentioned any time before this. He's just suddenly the big guy and watson has just never fucking heard shit about this guy.

What's so funny about this whole situation is that I just. Cannot objectively know anything about Moriarty at all because sherlock just... does not go into what this dude's alleged crimes even were, other than. The fact that he like. Does them. He's just really involved in crimes. How? Why? For how long? In what way? For what purpose? NO FUCKING CLUE HE JUST. HE JUST DOES. And there's nothing to really suggest that Moriarty was honestly a really evil guy. They're all like trust me he was just. he was just really bad but show absolutely No examples of being such. The most evil thing we saw Moriarty do personally was call sherlock stupid for letting him get into the apartment. And even then he immediately followed it up with complimenting him lol

yeah, my impression of Moriarty was like. I expected him to be worse, honestly. I expected him to be like a cartoon villain because he was kind of made out to be one and then he's just honestly a really polite and refined guy?? Mans strolls the fuck into 221B like hi shawty and it is Not like yuumori obviously man's holding a gun but like. What the fuck they are just. They have never met before but They Clearly Have and it's. its so weird

Like honestly I don't dislike og moriarty. He's really what william tried to be (and fucking failed, but beside the point) but like. Dude's so powerful and for what. He just walks into the apartment with No Pretense like why sherlock holmes is that a revolver or are you just happy to see me oh my goodness you are a dolt why would you hold the gun that way. disgusting. disgraceful. dreadful. Oh my god. I love him I'm sorry

abngnahhghifeah;iewh and Why does sherlock describe him like that hes like "MANS A REALLY REFINED LIZARD /pos" HIEHIFEHW:HGIHOEWFEEW FOR WHAT. FOR W H A T

baaaaaaaaghhhhhh but likeeeee they went STRAIGHT to "you know what I'm here for" "you know how I'm going to respond" "well then" "yeah" "mhm" "damn well it really do be like that sometimes" "ur really smart by the way" "im fucking aware let's kill each other as we both Thought in our Minds" "yes lets" AHDHDHDHDFS WTF THIS IS INSANE

But damn uh. mutual destruction my beloved this is very different from sherliam but im not. im not. opposed to it tucks hair behind ear

I just. Holy shit they really went "if you destroy me I will ensure that we both go down hand in unlovable hand" "I wouldn't mind that"

Annnnd I just noticed that the actual lines for this part kind of. that kind of happened in chapter 31 when sherlock was like i would Gladly die to take down the lord of crime and william was like. hahahah yeahNO NO NO NO

BUT SERIOUSLY THO IM LOSING MY MIND OVER HOW SHERLOCK SAYS THIS WHOLE THING TO WATSON AND HES LIKE DAMN SHAWTY HES LIKE THE REASON FOR HALF THE CRIME IN THIS CITY BUT HES SO NICE THO??? LIKE I EXPECTED HIM TO BE TOUGH AND EVERTHING NO HES JUST SOME POLITE PROPER UNDERSTANDABLE MAN WHO JUST HAPPENS TO BE VERY DIABOLICAL shawty is having a Crisis

And then watson is like wowww that was cool you wanna spend the night and sherlock is like "UNFORTUNATELY BESTIE I AM BEING FUCKING TRACKED DOWN ID LIKE YOU TO NOT DIE WITH ME"

This bit gave me a Moment Moment because oh my god. Then watson is like "no shut up i'm coming with you i don't care" and i just had to Take A Minute because THEY SWITCHED PLACES AAH SHERLOCK IS TRYING TO KEEP WATSON SAFE NOW AND WATSON IS NOW MORE RECKLESS BC OF HIM AND. AHHHH

Completely random but. How sherlock still refers to 221B as "our rooms" to watson even though watson hasn't lived their in years........ shawty i am emotional.........

SO THEY GODDAMN FLEE THE COUNTRY TOGETHER BC WATSON SAYS THEY HAVE TO STICK TOGETHER AND SHERLOCK HAS A MOMENT WHERE HE'S LIKE YEAH NEVERMIND PLEASE GO HOME WATSON AND WATSON IS JUST LIKE. NO. AND HSERLOCK IS LIKE. DAMN OK I HAVE NEVER HEARD YOU SAY THAT BEFORE

But. Ok as funny as this is. They have this fucking Conversation on the train to switzerland where sherlock is like "I have not lived in vain" and watson is like "YOURE NOT DYING" and hes like "i have not lived in vain. like i said. this will not be a bad way to die" UHHHHHH DAMN SHAWTY

hhhhhh and it just Gets. it. it. it Gets. These fuckers get to switzerland and they stay in a hotel and then leave for reichenbach but watson gets this goddamn letter telling him that hes needed at the hotel to basically save this lady's life. And he doesn't. Like. he doesn't even want to go he's like FUCK IT SHE CAN DIE IM NOT LEAVING YOU but sherlock convinces him to go fULLY KNOWING THE LETTER WAS FUCKING FAKED BY MORIARTY JUST AS A PLOY TO GET HIM ALONE

AND THEN HE JUST. WENT ANYWAY AND WATSON HAD TO WATCH HIM JUST LIKE GODDAMN WALK OFF INTO THE SUNSET LIKE "LITTLE DID I KNOW THIS WOULD BE THE LAST TIME I WOULD SEE HIM BUT IT JUST. IT HAD THAT VIBE YKNOW"

God I just. Wow sherlock really did that huh. He really went and did that. And I went over it in the post about this compared to yuumori but it just RUINED me how watson just. Never saw what happened and there's just so little information about it that all they have is these assumptions and pieces that just suggest that these guys met up, walked up to the goddamn waterfall having a nice civil conversation about how talented and smart they both were at this and how they revealed their methods to each other and complimented them because of course they did

And they just sat up there talking to each other so long and Moriarty legit waited politely or even possibly was the one that suggested he write a letter to watson in which sherlock just went "damn lol moriarty's pretty nice actually anyway uhhhh sorry watson ily ✌" and just like. left it up there in his damn cigarette box

But just like. damn the insinuation that moriarty just sat there and watched while he wrote that entire goddamn letter, sealed it up, and then got up and went alright buddy let's go but it makes no goddamn sense if they wanted to actually kill each other and assure they themselves would survive I could name like 23 different ways they could have managed it so easily and they Didn't. they were really set on mutual destruction huh. There's no way they were even trying to do anything but Die Together at that point and that's Something huh

It absolutely baffles me how they could say that these guys had plummetted like, holding each other tho. Like. ok lol but How Do You Even Know

It was certainly a ride. But the fact that Watson had to actively try to think like Sherlock to figure out what happened in the scene was just. The cherry on top. Especially after they'd consciously started to switch roles in this i just. Damn.

In conclusion uhhhhhhhh gay people real I suppose

[aximili]

drafted this from @dominocity ages ago and forgot abt it until i was procrastinating just now :0

check in tag game ✅

1. why did you choose your url?

went by axx for a very long time (incredibly this actually had nothing to do with aximili-esgarrouth-isthill even tho i did grow up loving animorphs. i had an OC who used the online handle axolotl.... something... i cant remember.... and i thought it sounded cool so i started using it. wow i had actually forgotten this info until just now! lore!) anyway someone on tumlr reminded me how much i loved animorphs and i wanted a new url at the time. someone just had it saved and wasnt using it so i was like fuck it, why not ask. politely messaged the blog and they were like oh ya i forgot abt this and freed it up

2. any side blogs? if you have them name and them and why you have them.

i have like 6 but i no longer use any of them & havent for years lmaoooo

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

i think its a decade this year. and ive never changed blogs once. im like a fungal infection here they cant get rid of me

4. do you have a queue tag?

i have never queued and i never will. you get my posts when you get em.

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

a lot of my friends on deviantart (yes dear god) were becoming more active here and i started checking some humour blogs daily until i was eventually like why not just make an account

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

Him. (from the cover of #8 the alien, the first ax pov book, which i found in a 2nd hand bookshop as a kid and was soooo excited bc i could normally only read animorphs at the library, they were never in shops. still a treasured possession.)

7. why did you choose your header?

it just really describes my emotional state at any given time

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

unfortunately i believe it's this, which is not even my original content nor even the OP's original content, as it turned out. but "online job application form" dnd joke is probably second

9. how many mutuals do you have?

who the got damn hell is keeping track of this?

10. how many followers do you have?

1439. its been around this number for like 2 years i really just stagnated at a certain point but idm

11. how many people do you follow?

968. to paraphrase lydia, i suppose i should follow 1 more. (im sure that at least half of those are inactive. i have been here for a decade.)

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

by no means. none of my posts are shit

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

uhhhhhhhh i probably open it and glance at activity/briefly glance at my dash llike 5 times a day? a lot less now that i use locked twitter for socialisation

14. did you have a fight/argument with a blog once? who won?

god no i am incredibly nonconfrontational. a couple times in my younger and more vulnerable years id post some stupid uninformed take and someone would rightfully disagree, and occasionally vice versa, but i honestly can't recall a "fight"

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

it's good to only follow adults the dashboard becomes a peaceful place

16. do you like tag games?

yes i like talking about myself 😊 but i never tag anyone bc im lazy oops.

17. do you like ask games?

i rarely do them bc i would usually not get any lmao, but they can be fun

18. which of your tumblr mutuals do you think is famous?

alma my friend alma seems to get a lot of nonsense in their inbox even tho they only post abt yugioh. eliza was definitely my most famous mutual but she freed herself from this place to become a real author, godspeed. and logan really blew up with "your dad looks gnc af" most recently

i think i have some more well known mutuals (again. been here 10 years.) but i cant think of them rn lmao sorry if ur a famo and i excluded u.

generally people think i have a lot more followers than i actually have? it's hard to gauge whether that's a compliment or not, but i take it as one.

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

i have crushes on like everyone i meet it's called being bisexual </3

20. tags?

i tag...... YOU yes you. if u want!

[tickle-her-senseless]

Important

Hey all. Just wanted to respond to questions from members of a couple of Discord servers run by the same person following a chaotic couple of days. I’m putting all the info and screenshots (minus names, pics and locations) here, so I can just direct people to this post if they have questions.

I had been intending to just head back here to Tumblr and let the situation lie, but unfortunately the reason given by the automated bot for my ban mentioned “crossing consent multiple times”. Today, friends have been sending me worried questions relating to this, so I’m concerned that the server owner may have made a similar claim in public. Now I pretty much have to say something as that’s such a serious thing to say about someone, particularly on any kind of kink scene.

The mention of consent actually relates to the server owner. Near the beginning of the lockdown, she and I were speaking a lot, she began to tease me in DMs, I responded with a piece of writing dedicated to her, we exchanged pictures - and eventually confessed a mutual attraction. We made plans for the end of lockdown, she talked about driving through Europe and showing me her favourite places. Although her English is perfect, I began learning her language through an app as I wanted to make the effort (Brits are renowned for being lazy with languages), and kept it up every day for months, amusing her with my clumsy pronunciation on calls. Sometimes she would send me explicit comments/thoughts, although I was always nervous to initiate that kind of thing.

One day she sent a message saying that she was still coming to terms with the end of her last relationship and would need to take things more slowly, as she was finding romantic sentiments (as opposed to kinky ones) hard to deal with. Naturally I replied “Of course, in that case I’ll wait for you to initiate that stuff once you’re ready”. At some point afterwards, she sent me a message out of the blue saying “I want cuddles ❤️” and I thought “oh, this is a level she’s OK with” and responded. I think it was the following day when I tried to pick up where we’d left off (without going any further, just cuddling in bed type stuff). She reciprocated and we continued. I also (in an attempt to consider her feelings) asked her if the idea of me posting an old session video on my blog for an American friend would upset her at all. Intending to reassure her about my intentions, I mentioned ”...not wanting to tickle anyone except you and saying no to all of the other UK people on the servers who are asking about post-lockdown sessions”. I also said “I do feel a commitment to you”, which (with hindsight) was probably a foolish or misleading word to use in a purely ler/lee sense.

A week later she sent a message I didn’t immediately understand along the lines of “I thought you were going to let me initiate romantic stuff, you don’t seem to have understood me at all”. I wasn’t sure what she was referring to - the recent story I’d written for her? Use of the word “commitment”? Something else? I tried to talk with her on the phone as some wires had clearly become crossed via text, but she refused for five weeks (citing not being in the right headspace), before finally calling when I sent a message explaining that anxiously waiting to mend the friendship in lockdown by myself for over a month was having a terrible effect on me mentally, and I was going to have to “throw in the towel”, wishing her luck and every happiness.

During our phone call, she claimed that the main issue had been the fluffy cuddle messages which she took to be a serious and repeated boundary/consent violation (citing her wish to avoid romantic talk). This was the last thing I expected and really shocked me. Of course I apologised frantically, repeatedly and profusely. I also said I hoped she could see how I’d made the mistake innocently and honestly when:

- she initiated it the first time, so I assumed it was something she was happy to talk about.

- when I picked up where we left off, she didn’t say “Actually, d’you mind if we don’t today?” and continued the cuddle talk instead.

She said that because she initiated it one day didn’t mean that she wanted to continue the day after - fair enough. The difficult thing to accept was the idea that she felt so violated by the attempt to carry on the next day that she found herself frozen to the point of not being able to say “actually I’m not in the mood just now” and carried on with it, and that I was at fault regardless. She even used the word “harassing” to describe it, which I found very harsh considering my inability to read minds over hundreds of miles. Especially when I couldn’t see or hear her to pick up on body language, tone of voice etc to guess that she was saying one thing but feeling a different way. She said, word for word, “It’s like when someone’s choking you and you can’t speak, you’re literally choking me!” As someone who, as a teenager, was once choked on the ground by my own father until I blacked out and lost bladder control, I did see that as a stretch at best, but chose not to challenge it as she was upset.

I also suggested that, looking back, we probably should’ve clarified exactly what was meant by “romantic stuff” when we almost certainly had different takes on it eg. I’ve cuddled after every 1:1 session I’ve ever had, even platonic ones, purely from the angle of aftercare and a sense of having shared an experience. I was told that despite our different ages and experiences of romantic love, there was only one objectively correct definition of “romantic” - hers.

We went around in circles for over four hours - I apologised over and over while explaining how I got the wrong idea and asking her to understand and forgive, while she tearfully called me a gaslighter, a consent violator, an excuse-maker, a harasser ... eventually I collapsed into tears myself (I’m ashamed to admit), totally worn down, and she softened a bit. She finally said she didn’t believe I’d done anything intentionally, and she still wanted to spend time together in the real world. We made up, spoke warmly as friends for an hour, and I left the call exhausted but relieved. After a few days’ reflection, though, I decided against ever travelling to meet her for real, as the experience had shaken me considerably - and I figured it’d be risky to meet someone in real life when I didn’t trust her completely not to accuse me over either nothing or an innocent misunderstanding. I was still wondering how to explain this to her when things got wild on the server.

A few days ago, a Tumblr user with a stated age of 18 contacted me to say nice things about my blog, which (I hope this doesn’t sound conceited) isn’t out of the ordinary. When she told me she was English and totally new to the scene, I suggested the Discord server as a place where she might make some friends (given the large UK membership) and sent her an invite link. The rest is set out in the mega screenshot saga below, which begins in the staff chat. I’m “SwiftX”, my real name is in teal, the server owner is in blue and her friend and co-moderator is in purple. All other names and locations are in black:

Before sending the last message, I actually typed out five different versions of a counter-argument before eventually deciding to step back. Being totally dismissed and lectured by two people about British labour laws and pub ID measures by two non-Brits nearly a decade my junior was irritating, yes, but the baseless suggestion that maybe I’d done something in private with the new member and was somehow “arguing against” ensuring she wasn’t a child because of that horrified me. As if I’d allow a child access to explicit content to cover my own discomfort - and anyway, I’d done no more than exchange greetings with the girl and point her towards the server, where she was actually verified and granted access to all channels by the guy in purple, not me! After a couple of hours’ contemplation, I politely asked to be removed from the moderator staff, but a disdainful response to my request prompted me to explain it, and why I was upset. Not all of what I said was necessary to say, but all of it was true:

She immediately muted me for 48 hours - “staff disrespect and degrading comments”. Not a problem, I had work to be getting on with. Late that evening, however, her friend arrived in my DMs:

Him: ...it’s creepy that a 32 year old man is potentially teasing a minor

Me: Well I can prove I haven’t teased her, her profile says she’s 18, and the person who exposed her to explicit content was you when you verified her - despite admitting to having had doubts about her age.

Him: ...I’ll drop that subject

Moderator of the year, ladies and gentlemen 🙄 Anyhoo, later that day I received a ban notification from both servers run by this owner, citing “crossing consent multiple times, guilting and being degrading along with causing several conflicts”. I was surprised to feel a flood of relief, but the consent mention really disturbed and worried me, as I’d been under the impression that the server owner had fully accepted that the earlier stuff had been an innocent misunderstanding. Later that day, good friends of mine began sending me worried DMs questioning my record and asking if I’d been inappropriate with a bunch of people, so I’m concerned that the staff may have said something that (deliberately or not) has encouraged speculation. This post is intended to be a landing page to which I can direct anyone concerned about my character so that they they can form their own opinions.

When my follower count began to take off, I became determined to avoid any kind of rift with another prominent member of the community. It’s so frustrating to watch an already niche subculture splinter into factions over needless disputes. This is why I’ve kept names etc. out of this post. If anyone suspects they might know who the server owner is, or actually knows who she is because they’re here from Discord, I would implore them not to out or target her in any way. There are two reasons:

- I don’t want to start a flaming war, I’m desperate to move on and begin improving my mental health after an awful couple of months ... I just need to protect my reputation first.

- I don’t actually think she wanted drama ... I think her genuine perception is that I’ve said something horrible to her. That’s more upsetting than the idea of her trying to smear me, to be honest. I suspect she feels like crap too, and I don’t want to add to her mental load. I honestly hope she’s OK.

Hopefully this will reassure my friends and anyone else questioning my character because of whatever’s been said in that server. I’d also hope that my history of positive interaction here, including being on great terms with everyone I’ve ever had a session with, supports what I’m saying further. It’s a shame this had to happen, but I’m trying to think positively about what lies ahead and trust in my real friends. I’d also like to thank the other members of the server staff who’ve privately sent me messages of support and sympathy having already seen the entire exchange.

[lovemesomesurveys]

*Following the trend and re-taking and responding to my very first survey on here from December 2014...SIX years ago!*

Are you attracted to the last person that kissed you? Sigh. Very much so. <<< Wow, that was when I was all in love Joseph. I’ve long since moved on. 

What did you do yesterday? I’ve been on break for the past week and I can honestly say I haven’t really done anything. It’s been kinda nice. <<< Back when I was in school and doing something with my life and had breaks to look forward to. Now I’ve been on break since 2015 and doing absolutely nothing. Anyway, yesterday I slept in past 3PM, had my coffee, checked social medias, played Animal Crossing, watched a few episodes of The Gilmore Girls, had dinner and chilled with my mom the rest of the night while watching another special on the ID channel (they’re doing a different one every night all this week).

Something you really want right now? Hmm. I don’t really want anything at this exact moment. <<< I’d love for this hot, gross, miserable weather to go away and to just fast forward to autumn.

What were you doing an hour ago? Making this side blog. <<< Awww, can’t believe I’ve had it for six years now. An hour ago I was scrolling through Tumblr and listening to ASMR.

If you could seek revenge on someone would you? Nahh. I’m not revengeful. <<< Yeah, I’ve never been a vengeful person.

Does any part of your body hurt right now? Nope. <<< Yes.

Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed? Sighhhh. It’s been like two years since I’ve kissed anyone. I feel so deprived of any affection. The situation with me and ~him is complicated. Isn’t it always? <<< Ohhh boy, it most certainly was. Ha, if I felt deprived then imagine six years later.

Can you recall the last time you liked someone? Yep. Right this very second. I more than like him at this point, but like I said. It’s complicated. <<< It was such a mess. I don’t know why I allowed it to go on as long as it did. :/ I should have known nothing was going to change. Since that time with Joseph, I fell in love with Ty and I thought that was actually going to lead to something, but surprise, surprise it did not.

Would you ever get a tattoo? I want to. I’m just a big ol’ baby. <<< Yep, still am. I highly doubt I’ll ever get it done.

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? HA. That’s funny. <<< *Spongebob transition thing: Six. Years. Later.* Still single!

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Uhh. Probs my mom yesterday when she called from work. <<< My mom yesterday when she called from the store.

Who was the last person you talked to in person? My brother. <<< Yep.

What plans do you have for tomorrow? Coffee with Amanda. Maybe get some more Christmas shopping done. Hopefully! <<< Omggg, back when I had friends and actually did stuff! ha. And aww, Christmas shopping. Wow, going out and doing things back when we weren’t going through a worldwide pandemic. Presently, I don’t have any plans for tomorrow.  

Has a friendship ended recently that you wish had not? Not recently, but yes a friendship has ended that I wish had not. <<< All my friendships ended a few years ago...

What are you listening to right now? Hey Arnold. <<< An ASMR video.

What happened at 9:00 am today? It hasn’t been 9am yet, but I imagine my ass will be on the couch scrolling through Tumblr and watching tv. Exciting stuff, guys. <<< Ha, you won’t catch my ass up at 9AM anymore. I’ll be sleeping.

Ever given your ALL to someone who walked away? Yes. I put my heart on the line and they walked away. Awesome. <<< Yepppp. Twice.

Have you ever kissed the last person you texted? Nooo. <<< Just on the cheek.

Do you and your last ex hate each other? Nah. We don’t talk, but there’s no hard feelings. <<< Same.

What are you afraid of? Life. Death. <<< That sums it up quite well. Short and precise. 

When was the last time you were sick? Always. <<< True. I’ve also been getting this gross nauseous feeling that comes and goes that hits at random. As for a virus or something of that sort, I had a cold back in April.

Are you one of those people who are always cold? No. Although, I am right now. <<< Nooo, definitely not. I’m someone who seems to be hot a lot of the time. Like now. I wish I was cold. 

Where are your biological parents? In their room. Sleeping. <<< That’s where they are now, too. I swear they haven’t been there since then. ha.

Do you have any summer plans yet? I wish. It’s still awhile away, though. It could change. <<< There won’t be any summer plans this year.

Do you tend to waste a lot of money? On food. Always. <<< I don’t spend much on food anymore, actually. I’ve gotten better about my online shopping, too. I’ve been better at saving money these days than I used to be.

Last thing that you said out loud? “Goodnight, Jon.” <<< “Goodnight.” I’ve pretty much always done my surveys at night, so.

Do you have trust issues? It’s not really trust issues. I just have a hard time opening up in general. <<< Still have that problem. I keep a lot to myself. I’m not at all open like I am on here.

Do you think this year will be better than the last? This year is just about over, which is crazy. I always hope the next year will be better, but there’s always something. <<< Omg. This survey was done in 2014. The next year I graduated UC and shortly after that is when things started going downhill. :/

What are you doing? This pretty much. My tv is on, but it’s background noise. <<< Same, but I’m also listening to an ASMR video.

Are you a jealous person? Yes, but not like psycho jealous. You probably wouldn’t even know it. <<< Yeah. I haven’t felt jealous in a longgg time, though.

Do you think age matters in relationships? Well, yes. To an extent. <<< Yep.

When was the last time you got a haircut? I think maybe back in July. Or a little before then. I’m trying to grow out my hair now. I’m over short hair. <<< My hair was so short then, but now it’s down to my butt! I just got a couple inches cut off back in February.

Do you know anyone that smokes weed? Tons of people. <<< Yep.

Who is the last person you rode in a car with? Mom & brother. <<< My brother.

What is one thing you’d love to happen tomorrow? I’d like to get more Christmas shopping done. My plans for that are still up in the air. I can’t believe Christmas is already next week like wth??? That went by SO FAST. <<< Uhhh, perhaps get Wingstop for dinner.

Did you sing at all today? Yes. <<< Not so far.

Do you look more like your mom or your dad? My mom. <<< Yeah, that hasn’t changed.

Where will you be 2 hours from now? In bed asleep. <<< Right here in bed, probably reading for a bit.

Are there any stressful situations in your life? A few. <<< A lot.

Are your lips chapped at the moment? Nope I’m good thanks for asking. <<< Ugh, yes. I keep licking them because I have fans blowing on me all day.

When you met the person you now love, what happened?: Uh well we met through a mutual. Nothing happened right away. He pursued me first after awhile, but I wasn’t interested initially. Boy did that change. <<< I don’t understand why he did that. He was never interested in really pursuing anything with me, but sure made me think that and I fell for him. He knew how I felt about him and he kept playing me. ANYWAY, I don’t currently love anyone in the romantic sense.

Did you realize anything today?: No, but it’s early. <<< Not so far.

What do you need right now?: Sleep probably. <<< Yeah, I definitely need that.

What’s your favorite food?: Mongolian BBQ. <<< Man, I was obSESSED with Mongolian BBQ for the longest. I miss that. D: I can’t eat spicy food anymore, sadly. Ugh, it was SO good. My favorite food now is garlic parm and lemon pepper wings from Wingstop.

How are you feeling today?: Just kind of whatever. It’s 1 in the morning. <<< Hot and tired and blah.

What is your biggest fear?: Life and death. <<< We went over this already in this survey...

Describe your looks to us: Ugly? Ha. I don’t know. Look at my avatar. <<< Yeah, look at my avatar. 

Have you ever woke up next to someone and wanted to puke? UH no I can honestly say I have not. <<< Nope, thankfully.

What are you listening to right now? Degrassi. <<< An ASMR video still. 

Are you afraid of death? Very. <<< Yes.

Do you open up to people easily? No. It takes a lot. <<< I’m still that way. Even people I’m close with I still struggle with that.

Do you miss anyone? So very much. <<< There’s always a few loved ones I’ll miss that have passed away.

What are you going to do tomorrow? I feel like I’ve been asked this a billion times. <<< For real, we’ve been over this. 

Does any part of your body hurt right now? Noooo. <<< Yes.

[inbarfink]

Honestly, Pearl\Rose is the most tragic of the Bad Relationships in Steven Universe because... they could have worked. You can see the potential for an actually healthy ship there, but they never got to that point. 

It Could've Been Great, but it wasn't. 

We know very well that Pearl holds Rose in very high regard and that she loved her dearly, but it's important to remember that this feeling was *mutual*. Remember; "My Pearl" isn't about Rose 'owning' Pearl, it's a play on "My Diamond" - she was adressing her like she was one of Homeworld’s highest-ranking Gems.  Because I think that Rose really did see Pearl as amazing and wonderful and awe-inspiring the way ordinary Gems are supposed to see the Diamonds. 

Pearls are supposed to be servants and decorations, but Pearl learned how to be a warrior and a strategist and an engineer and a scientist and an intellectual and so much more. Pearl was the one who showed her the wonders of the earth, who allowed her to be Rose Quartz - both in appreance and philosophy. Along with Garnet, Pearl's love confession is what showed Rose that Gems could be so much more than what they are 'supposed' to be.

Out of all the Crystal Gems, Rose seems to be the one who feels that she is most *bound* by her designated role. Even after she shattered her old life, she was still a leader and a warlord and she probably felt like she was still not 'free' of her responsibilities and guilt. She still kept on making decisions without regards to others, she couldn’t let go of the coping mechanisms she developed in her old abusive househild... with all the effort she did, literally reinventing herself as a new Gem, she still felt like she was still the same immature, childish Gem made to dump all of White Diamond’s Id and worst flaws into.

“ When a Gem is made, it's for a reason. They burst out of the ground already knowing what they're supposed to be, and then... that's what they are. Forever. “

For someone who wanted, most of all, to be free, to be new, to be different - someone like Pearl is incredible and inspirational. 

"Love Like You" is a thematic song that could apply to many characters - including both Pearl singing about Rose and Rose singing about Pearl.

And yet, after all of that, she still did this to her.

In the offical SU Podcast, Pearl was described as Alfred if he was in love with Batman - spesifically not Bruce Wayne but just Batman. And I think that was... I don't wanna say the the root issue because this issue was caused and effected by a lot of Rose and Pearl's other issues.  But, look, Pearl being in love with Rose Quartz and not Pink is not just about Rose's sweet, sweet Gem Tits, it's about the fantasy Rose represents. 

 "But I've been imagining things. Even when you haven't asked me to, I imagine that I ran away and met you here on Earth, a Rose Quartz. And I'm not yours, but I make you so happy anyway!"

Pearl wanted to see Rose and Pink as two different people cause she wanted Rose to be someone she loves while she is free. Someone who doesn't have so much power over her. Someone who wasn't complicit in her oppression. And Rose wants to separates between her Rose Quartz and Pink Diamond persona, Too. Not just because she prefers the name and the look of Rose Quartz (totally valid) - but because she ALSO wants to buy in into the idealized fantasy of Rose Quartz. Someone who wasn't responsible for the Kindergartens and the invasion of earth, someone who isn't complicit in the oppression of all Gems and Pearl in spesific, someone who is inspirational in their own right, someone who does the right thing, someone who always stands up to what's right. 

 But that... well.. that wasn't the truth, was it? Steven's arc is about people acknowledging him as a separate person from Rose\Pink cause that's who he IS. That’s the truth, he’s a seperate person. But to understand Rose Quartz we need to understand that she IS the same person as Pink Diamond. Pink's faults are Rose's faults, Pink’s flaws are Rose’s flaws, Pink’s misdeeds are Rose’s misdeeds. 

While Rose was fighting to allow Pearl and all Gems to be free of the Diamonds and of the Caste system - Pearl still continued to serve Pink. Still calling her "My Diamond" even when they are in private (So it’s not like it was just a show for Blue and Yellow). And that was 'okay' in her eyes cause that's something Pink did and not Rose. This is probably how Rose justified that Gag Order to herself. Pink Diamond gag-ordered Pearl, not Rose Quartz. Rose could never change her mind and go “Hey that was actually bad let’s not mind-control Pearl into keeping my secrets”, not even when she knew she was passing away and basically sticking Pearl with that Gag Order forever (If Pearl wasn’t clever as hell, that is) - because that would mean acknowledging that she’s Pink Diamond and she can’t do that.

She never wants to look back, after all.

It's no coincidence that the scene that shows just how fucked the relationship was, is the scene where Pearl is ordered to never say that Pink and Rose are the same.

It’s a recurring motif in Steven Universe, just because someone loves you, and loves you dearly, doesn’t mean they can’t hurt you too. Blue Diamond and Yellow Diamond loved Pink Diamond, as seen in the depth of their grief - but they also abused her, hurt her. And Rose clearly loved Pearl too, but that Gag Order... is a form of hurt too. 

Yeah, the power-gap between their designated Homeworld roles is very large - but I don’t think THAT was the thing that doomed that relationship. Ruby and Sapphire also started with a rather large power-gap in the Homeworld System. Ruby was a body-guard assigned to the aristocratic Sapphire. Ruby was pretty much designed to care about Sapphire’s physcial well-being and to put her charge’s life before hers - since Rubies are considered replaceble.

But Ruby and Sapphire don't DENY this is where they came from, it's something that they are aware of and are trying to work on. Yeah, sometimes Ruby still falls into the ol' mindset of being replacable and unimportant, but Sapphire always reminds her that it's not so. Pearl and Rose could have never worked on that cause they are both way too invested in the fantasy of Rose Quartz as seperate from Pink Diamond and also Pearl LITERALLY PHYSICALLY COULDN'T TALK ABOUT IT AND IT WAS ALL ROSE'S FAULT!

Once again, it's no coincidence that the scene where Pearl finally defys Rose and outsmarts her own Homeworld programming - is the scene in which Pearl can finally reveal to someone else that Rose Quartz and Pink Diamond were the same person. The scene where she can finally admit it.

Even without the Gag Order, it's something Pearl had to accept about Rose to be healthy and happy. And after that she's able to talk about Rose in a less idealized manner, in a more real manner. 

"And maybe she was foolish, and maybe even...selfish." 

And it's only after she's able to admit it, able to tell the story of Rose Quartz in context of her once being Pink Diamond to other people - that they tell her another Truth. That she is responsible for her own liberation, that she helped Rose become the person she fell in love with, that she *swept Rose off her feet*, that she inspired her. 

Pearl is a Gem full of achivements, but through the whole show she struggled with the idea that those achivements were only thanks to Rose. That ROSE is the one who made her amazing. 

(Early Notes for Rose’s Scabbad)

But not only can she be amazing without Rose, she is also just as responsible for making Rose amazing as vice versa! And it's not something she could see until everyone knew that Rose was Pink Diamond, until everyone knew Rose didn’t actually spring fully-formed out of the Kindergarten. But this all didn't happen while Rose was alive. But maybe it could've. Maybe Rose could've grown out of her lying issues, and Pearl from her self-esteem issues togather and they could've talked about and worked through the power imbalance togather. Admitted that the power imbalance was even there, for starters!

But maybe not, in this timeline they sure didn't. Even though they loved each other so much, this relationship just couldn't work like this - with Pearl loving a perfect shadow and Rose wiping her hands of her own misdeeds. But maybe they could've worked.

It Could’ve Been Great.

[muggle-writes]

Rules: Answer 21 questions and then tag 21 people who you want to get to know better.

tagged by @elizabethsyson

Nickname: Muggle is my nickname, but when I went by Muggle in person for more than a month at a time, it naturally got abbreviated, usually to Mugz

Zodiac: Aquarius

Last movie I saw: into the spiderverse (same answer as last time. I don't watch that many movies tbh except around Christmas. unless YouTube counts in which case... music of some sort? idk links for the next answer)

Favorite musician: changes by the day. I've kinda been in an acapella and/or folk music mood recently so the Maccabeats and Peter Hollens are in my YouTube and Spotify history a lot recently. also I'm eternally in awe of Forte Handbell Quartet (eta a longer video; i recommend skipping to the techno piece or the Jurassic Park theme)

Last thing I googled: "vine why are you buying clothes at the soup store" (my wife hasn't seen it; also i can't find the vine because apparently it's a much bigger meme than I realized). before that it was "chgrp not root" because work and group permissions are useful when they work

Song stuck in my head: well for most of the day when I haven't been actively listening to something, it's been the Pokemon RSE route-walking music. (but that somehow happens frequently when I'm in the no-music-no-internet room at work, as I was for most of the day, and I don't know how I accidentally trained my brain to make that connection). right now, surprisingly, I don't have any background music playing in my head. I think it's because the humidifier provides just enough white noise that my brain doesn't feel the need to provide its own

Other blogs: my main is @muggle-the-hat and I'm a mod on @why-do-neurotypicals but we've gotten one ask ever so that blog has been dormant for a while. I have a bunch of other sideblogs, but they're all small and I use different screen names on each of them (enby life: no idea which name suits me best so I may as well try them out) so i feel like it would just confuse things to link them.

Following: blogs matching all the themes of my sideblogs, (including this one, which is writeblr), korean langblr, jumblr, assorted fandom blogs, authors of my more favorite fanfictions (some overlap with other categories), and irl friends and acquaintances (including one fandom blog turned irl friend)

Do I get asks: on my main if at all, which isn't really surprising because i have hundreds of followers there and maybe 60 followers combined among the rest. but I get asks far less often than I reblog ask memes so... I'm always happy to get more. I do get tagged in ask games more on this one, but writeblr is actually vaguely organized about tag lists so that makes sense. also I used to get tagged a bunch on my main and I rarely could find the posts again to follow up when I had time to answer.

What I’m Wearing: pajamas. staying warm and cozy

Lucky number: I don't remember what I said last time, but I like a lot of numbers. 64 is a good number. recently I've been debugging software in which 0x3E is my lucky status number and 0x0E taunts me. (um, decimal 62 and 14). Also my other favorite number i can't share until it's no longer the combination to the lock to the Secret Room. (or realistically never because opsec and i shouldn't make public the types of parents we use for that combination lock), honestly I aim to be like.... ah, I'm sure the anecdote involves G.H. Hardy but i don't remember on which side. anyway one mathematician remarked to another about how the id number of the taxi he rode in was sadly uninteresting, and the one I aspire to be like, argued "what are you talking about, this number is interesting because ______" and I'd like to be able to do that for any arbitrary number thrown at me. (hi yes math is good, history is hard, math history is interesting yet i still forget the people even if i remember the math. except when things are named after people, but that tends to be, like, Euler and LaGrange and other people who did lots of cool science things so i remember the methods and the names of the methods separately which never helps)

Amount of sleep: ....depression both screws with my sleep schedule and means I always feel like I need more sleep except when I wake up at 5pm and feel like I've wasted the day. so yeah. I can never get enough sleep

Favorite food: yes (why do I have to pick a favorite?) uh, chocolate in most forms, many other sweet things, red meats (especially if served with potatoes), curry (especially if it has "too much" ginger), fresh-baked bread, chai the way my favorite local Indian restaurant makes it (spicier with just a little bit of sweet, which is the opposite of what i can get from the mocha machine at work which is wayyy sweet with a hint of spice but that inferior chai is still superior to coffee so i drink too much of it). also vegetables which I really don't eat enough of: sauteed zucchini and onions, roasted broccoli

Dream trip: dreaming requires creativity and tbh I funnel that mostly into my writing instead. I wouldn't mind going back to Korea for another visit though

Dream job: my current job is pretty good when I feel productive and when my debugging tools actually produce data maybe??? (they were not being helpful today. but i still mostly like my job.) dream job is probably this but with seniority and confidence and double the salary (while living in a similar area of the country; I wouldn't want to double my salary by moving to work for Google in California and having less available after rent than I do now)

Describe yourself as aesthetic things:

the smell of old books

the first glow of sunrise (the sunrise painting the mountains pink and gold)

a rainbow in the spray from a waterfall

the flicker of distant lightning (watching a thunderstorm fade into the distance)

this picture

Random fact: about me or about the world?

how about a combination answer: when we got our new handbell music this season, we only looked at half the pieces our first rehearsal and afterwards I tried to look up one of the pieces we hadn't gotten to on YouTube because it's got a weird time signature and I wanted to get a feel for how fast it would go and how strict the counting is...... except it turns out we're the first group to ever play the piece. it was commissioned recently but seeing my conductor's name on the page didn't tell me how new it was because he's super prolific. (the fact that it was on printer paper without the publisher's graphics should have been a giveaway but it's only the second time I've been among the first to play one of his pieces so I think I can be excused for not realizing)

Languages: mostly just English, but I took Spanish for years, so I can hold simple conversations in it. I can almost read sound out Hebrew fast enough to keep up in services, and I know some random Hebrew vocab but comparatively no grammar. and I took Korean in college, enough that I can recognize sentence structure but I can really only speak tourist-Korean, though I can sound anything out (if it's typed. handwriting is hit or miss.) in both Hebrew and Korean (and Spanish tbh but i don't often listen to Spanish music) I'm very proud when I can separate the words enough, listening to a song, to translate them without looking up the lyrics. also I tried to learn Japanese from Duolingo when it was new, but I still hadn't gotten the kana straight when it started progressing to kanji so that was a rough time and I went back to Hebrew.

tbh I "dabble" in "language learning" which really means I start a million courses on Duo and stick with none of them. with the notable exception of French, which I acknowledge is super common and probably a good idea to learn but the spelling and pronunciation seem so arbitrary I'm scared to look close enough to learn it properly, and I've never particularly considered starting the Duolingo course for French

I think I lost a few questions, because that's only 18 answers. whoops.

um... who to tag

@abluescarfonwaston if school hasn't drowned you in work yet and @copperscales I'm interested in both of your choices for lucky numbers especially.

... wow I'm blanking on other mutuals I haven't tagged recently. as usual lmk if you'd like to be edited in, or just answer the questions and tag me back, that's great too.

[boo1a4]

11 question tag!

Hey guys so I was tagged by 5 of my fav gals to do the 11 questions tag (THATS 55 QUESTIONS WHY ARE YALL LIKE THIS) but anyway I was tagged by @s-lay-ing @sambashua @achuu-nice @indiepoptime and @yongpal-i (this tag is fucking eternal help me)

Cloud’s Questions!

Do you know a ksong by heart? (bc I don’t :x I can hum a trillion tho)

Blackpink’s As If Its Your Last, Heize’s Star, Day6 I loved you and You Were Beautiful, most of seventeens title tracks and most of their ballads, lastly  Pristin’s Aloha! I'm sure my pronunciation is way off but those are tho the ones that I've taken the time to actually sit down and learn!

When it comes to friendships, are you low or high maintenance? (As in your friends gotta talk everyday with you or you’ll feel like the friendship is dying OR if you can spend days without talking to them yet you still remain close)  

Ummmm I think it depends on the friendship? also I think I can tend to be a bit of both (cause I'm an insecure ass binch), tho I don't ever feel like my friendships are dying lmao

Do you have a secret that you will take to the grave? (Ofc I’m not asking you to reveal it)

not that I can think of?? like I'm sitting here thinking if there is anything and like honestly no????

Recommend me 5 songs (not necessarily kpop songs)

Dracula Teeth - The Last Shadow Puppets(honestly cloud just listen to all of their music is so great) Daydream In Blue - I Monster (this is honestly one of my all time fav songs I love it too much) No Way Down - The Shins (you know I can't go 2 mins without mentioning them, some great lyrics right here tho also give September a listen in beautiful) Beechwood Park - The Zombies (I'm assuming you know the zombies cloud but on the off chance that you don't BINCH THEY ARE MY ACTUAL FAVORITE well beside cream and zeppelin but they are up there) Kimbra - Miracle (kinda of a random one but this song just never seems to leave me!) Big Bird -Hyukoh (oh that was 6 BUT THIS SONG IS SO GREAT also listen to wing wing!!)

What do you prefer?: first, second or third gen kpop songs?

I generally prefer second generation??? I think????? I like a bit of all of them tho. but like there is no definitive answer to when each of the generations start and end so like I don't even know??? but most of my fav groups as far as music goes are older around 2nd gen but a fair amount of them are gen 3, I have a really strong love for kpop that was released between 2009-2014.

What’s the cheeeeeeeeeesiest thing you’ve done? (one time a former friend of mine was telling me about a problem she had and at the end of our convo I kissed her in the forehead bYE)

girl idk just my whole fucking life tbh, but my family members and irl friends will all tell you I do this thing where I yell sing songs and change the lyrics to their names this includes badly sung kpop songs IM SCREAMING THO CLOUD WHO ARE YOU AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

If you were asked to participate in a variety show, which one of the following would you pick and why? (Pick two!): problematic men, master key, hello counselor, weekly idol, one fine day, law of the jungle

um probs ofd?? id say weekly idol also but damn the hosts would literally be like who is this weird binch!

Your top 10 kpop songs of 2017?

In no order but 1. Would U - Red Velvet 2. Let’s Hang Out - SF9 3. Night Rather Than Day - EXID 4. Aloha - Pristin 5. Missing You - BTOB 6. I Loved You - Day6 7. Teenager - Got7 8. Habit - Seventeen 9. As If It’s Your Last - Blackpink 10. You, Clouds, Rain - Heize

Would you rather live in a huge mansion or a compact studio house?  

Im a real messy binch so definitely compact studio

Tell me a fun childhood story (I’ll start! One time an aunt gave me money to buy ‘papas’ (potatoes) at the grocery store so bc I’m obedient af I went and asked the counter lady how many of em could I buy with the money I had so she went ‘uhh, not many tbh’ so i ended up getting like two and when I returned to my aunt’s house she laughed her ass off and said: I meant ‘papas fritas’ (potato chips) Not those! - and uh yeah this is funnier in Spanish but it proves that I’m such an innocent angel I mean wow)

ok so I spent a lot of time at my aunt Lori’s house when I was a kid (like summers, and after school) and my cousin was the BUG queen so she hand made leashes for her pet toads (that she caught) and we walked them around on leashes for like a week but I was always so afraid of them and also hurting them so I WAS NOT ABOUT THAT ahahaha dumb story but it makes me laugh alsoalsoalsdo they had this bench swing in their back yard and my cousin my sister and I would swing on it together for hours at a time and one time we were swinging real hard (REAL HARD) and the links?? or whatever that held it to the ceiling it was hanging from snapped and the three of us of us flew off of it and we all collectively blacked out??? it was so weird but I woke up to my cousin stuggling to get me off of her and then there lays my sister underneath the bench just blacked out chilling (she was fine) then my aunt came running out cause she had just heard the loudest crash ahsdfasdf not long after my uncle put stronger links on it and that bench is still there! From time to time when the three of us get together this story gets brought up its still the most hilarious thing ( ALSO CLOUD YOU ARE SO PURE I LOVE)

If you were offered to start a band, would you accept?

yeah I love music so much why not! not sure I would be able to contribute much  lmao

Mir’s Questions!

If you could travel anywhere, but were completely by yourself, where would you go?

hmmmmm do you mean like I wouldn't be visiting anyone and just traveling alone?? or like going someplace where I know no one?? ok cause for the first I would book it straight to az TO SEE YOU MIR!! AND SISTER!! but for the second I would love to go to Japan (my cousin lives there tho so that also doesn't technically count lmao)

What inspires you?

Music, books, and tv shows! Also really well written characters or just interesting people I guess! but on like a ??spiritual?? level my mom?? she's just that binch you know ( like seriously Ive never met anyone kinder or more driven and hard working in my life she's wild)

How many pets would you have in your ideal future? Any specific names or types in mind?

47 KITS, no realistically I want 2 kittos and they will be named Bellamy and Murphy cause I got too also lowkey want to name a cat rami or Elliot or also kaz or Inej damn all the good names wow. Also the name Calloway is my fav name of all time and I WANT SOMETHING WITH THIS NAME

What are you opinions on fedoras

um eww?? what other opinions are there?? what is this question mir I'm???? but like ngl when worn in a none cringe manner then can look nice!

how many spoons can you balance on your face at once (picture or video proof preferred (i’m trying to get someone to do it pls anyone))

girl I've done my time (lowkey did you put this on her cause I told you about my gravy spoon today???)

What is your favorite type of tree?

I like Birch trees!

If you could convince one person to like kpop who would you convert?

damn MY MOM cause then she might listen to something other than bruno mars once in a while

What are three things you are normally associated with and/or what are three things you want to be associated with?

art, sleeping, reading and um idk?? tbh??? like maybe not being shitty and being funny??? idk??? like I don't know????

If you were in a kpop group what position would you hold (ie. leader, main vocal, moodmaker, etc) feel free to tag your mutuals and who they would be!

um hm im a moody binch bonch so probably moodmaker?? mir is main dancer cause yes duh ivy is leader cause she's the only sane one kennedy I feel would be a great rapper like she got that chic thing going she could do it I feel??? and cloud would be our talent tbh??? nom would be the maknae cause she's small I feel! Jeddy would be my happy virus bud cause she's a fun and funny gal ( I love) Jamie ALSO ONE OF OUR TALENTS wow yes I feel a main vocal here she’d go solo and be singing ballads left and right! JESS WOULD BE THE SWEET MOTHER MEMBER THAT EVERYONE LOVES AND IS JUST THE SOFTEST,,,A SUNSHINE GAL.

If you could have any wild animal as a tame pet what would it be?? (i’m ocelot loyal all the way)

damn idk I'm like horrible at taking care of things (including myself) so like honest id just stick to the kit kats

What is your opinion on mint chocolate chip ice cream? (for maj)

The best ice cream (tho I can't eat it anymore and its very cursed)

Nom’s Questions!

how are you? :D

I’m good Nom thanks for asking!

sad ballads or happy upbeat songs?

Im a ballad ho these days they are honestly all I listen to anymore, but I do love me an good upbeat song I'm just slightly more picky about them!

fave anime movie?

ok tie between Whisper of the Heart and Howl’s Movie Castle, I honestly need to see more that arent Ghibli!

dogs or cats?

Cats! (my dog is practically a cat tbh)

do you keep stuffed animals in your room?

I have one! its a portal companion cube! its not technically an animal BUT I LOVE IT ANYWAY ITS ALL IVE GOT!!!! also if you count tsum tsums I've got a few big hero 6 ones!

someone you miss?

My dad, its been especially hard lately.

describe your phone case?

its like rainbow watercolor! I have a pop socket that matches

favorite lore/myths?

Not technically myth or lore but Beowolf! I've seen the movie at least 40 times and I've read the epic! generally I find northern european mythology/literature to be more interesting than southern. but if we’re going for like ubran myths tbh not really my thing ahahaha.

eardbuds or headphones?

both for different things! but when I first listen to an album I like to listen with my headphones!

can I steal your heart?

you already have ~~~~~~~

favorite thing about your ult bias?

His sensitivity and kind heart! I love a sweet boy! Also I'm really here for Boo’s cheeks!

Jamie’s Questions!

If you could only listen to one song for the rest of your life what would it be and why?

ohhh there are a few songs that I really really love, Heize’s Star is a song that I listen to daily and I feel like I could listen to it for the rest of my life! also September by The Shins! Miracle Aligner by The Last Shadow Puppets also. Idk man I just really love songs with a mystical quality to them.

If you were in a kpop group what would your group be called and what would your fandom name be?

BINCH AND OUR FANDOM NAME WOULD BE BONCHES

If you could acquire mastery over ONE skill instantly, what would you pick and why?

Singing!! its just about the only kind of musical talent I think I’d be any good at! Im a vocalist ho I just want to be like my favessssss

First reaction if you spotted your favorite celebrity on the street?

I would literally hide so fast omg

First reaction if your favorite celebrity followed you on your favorite social media site?

SCREAMING ALL THE LOVE FOR BOO SEUNGKWAN 24/7 and literally only doing art of him and nonstop posting it

Snap your fingers and you get to steal your favorite outfit off of a kpop idol. What outfit do you pick, off of whom, and why?

OK literally all of Soonyoungs airport looks cause damn that boy does not get enough credit for his fashion (he's the best dressed in the group fite me)

If you were to get a painless tattoo that you could remove with the press of a button, what would you get and where would you get it?

umm probably something really pretty? and colorful? I'm not sure what put I like  arm tattoos!

What is your most prized possession?

probably my laptop?? also my collection of sketchbooks!

What’s a YouTube/online challenge that you have always wanted to try?

Im always interested to try those youtube art challenges, I've done the three marker challenge before and the draw this again challenge also!

You get a guarantee that your favorite celebrity will see your social media post but you only get 100 characters. What do you say to them?

I would literally just send my art to them! I feel like it says more than 100 characters can!

You wake up in your dream room. What does it look like?

LITERALLY A LIBRARY AND LIKE NICE AND DARK AND WARM BUT NOT TOO WARM LOTS OF BLANKETS

Kennedy’s Questions!

Make a 10-song playlist for your current mood.

it is here

What vine do you quote the most?

what is that?? who you fighting?

What do you value most in a friend?

I like people who are good listeners! but also people can keep a conversation going! But really tho just genuine kindness and openness.

If you could learn any kpop choreography instantly, what would you learn?

DAMN THIS IS HARD, so many great ones that I love a lot but probably Red Flavor?

If you go to your Tumblr activity page, who does it say is your “number one fan?”

damn Idk them so I'm not gonna like tag them or something lol

What is your ideal clothing style?

I like simple dark clothing that is comfortable.

What is your favorite Snapchat filter?

I really like the ugly ones tbh I don't use them enough

What subject would you like to study, but wouldn’t necessarily want to make a career out of? (for example: I really want to learn about botany!)

psychology, I really love learning about how people work.

Would you rather be constantly half an hour early to everything, or constantly 15 minutes late?

early of course, I hate being late

Would you rather have a single day to spend with your top bias or a week to spend with your number 2 bias?

damn neither??? ahahah no a day with boo would be very blessed!

If you could bring back any disbanded OR inactive group, who would you bring back?

F(X) BINCH I NEED MORE MUSIC

My Questions!

if you had to chose one kpop stage outfit to wear for the rest of your life which would you choose?

favorite music video aesthetic?

Group you are most excited for in 2018?

Recommend me some underrated kpop songs/groups?

If you could join any group other than your bias group who would you join and why?

Favorite soloist? and some song recs?

Childhood Story? (thanks Cloud)

Were you in any fandoms before you got into kpop, if so what were they?

Favorite Comeback/debut of 2017?

astrological sign? Myers Briggs type? Hogwarts House (I'm a Gemini, infp, and Gryffindor)

Random question but what are your favorite names?

Tagging : @s-lay-ing @sambashua @achuu-nice @indiepoptime @yongpal-i (y'all can do mine if you feel like it!) @forgetjunnot @babybyuny @kae-popx @kiheehyunie @jeonwoooo @trbldean130 @howcaniwait @joshhjs @maetaamong and if you’ve already done this you don't have to do it again ahahahaha I feel like everyone has done it already lol

ok thats it do it if you want!

[sanhatation]

its that time of year again !!!! catching up on all my tag games !!! buckle up folks cause shes thicc and there will be a pt 2 yikes

tagged by @astrohgolly @jinjinwooz @dalkkong @minnyhyuk @fourseasonsofastro @smileyrocky @scoupsadaisy @jinglehoonie @jianhyuk @minhyxks (couldnt tell u for which tag tho cause im a mess) thanks yall for tagging me ily !!!!!

11 QUESTIONS

jen’s questions <33

1. what was your favourite photo from last year?

jen what kinda trickery i have 4k photos on my phone and those are only since like august....theres so many to CHOOSE from but if i rly have to choose one.....its probably the one from astroad where jinjin’s crying (classic) and all the boys are circled around him in a hug :-(

2. memorable quote from a book?

i cant read

3. favourite meme?

4. do you have an old fashion trend that you want to bring back??

can we bring back the entirety of 50′s fashion tbh.....id wear dresses like that every day i would, i really would

5. favourite place in your area?

probably my best friend’s house !!! im there so often and its so cozy it feels like a second home ;; 

7. an aesthetic that you really like?

pjw

8. do you want to get into gardening???

honestly??? ya !!!! i love flowers and plants so i would love to grow my own!!

9. how would you describe your least favourite food?

shes thicc and meaty and was once shoved in my mouth unwillingly

10. what’s something that not a lot of people know about you?

im really struggling tbh....yall know that i tell everyone everything honestly

11. lastly, something you really want to try out in 2018?

I REALLY WANNA GO SKYDIVING !!!!! two of my friends turn 18 around the same time i do, so we have planned to go on the latest of our three birthdays!!!!! im petrified of heights but for some reason the thought of skydiving doesnt scare me while the thought of like...climbing a ladder does LMAOFJFJD but ya!!!!!

emma’s questions !!

1. What language do you know or want to know?

swedish !!! or dutch!!! or russian or german!!! i really want to learn a language and i might minor in one in college^^

2.If you get to spend the day with your bias from any group, what would you do with them?

me + pjw would hit the dog cafe for sure 

3. If you can become any member of ASTRO which member would want to be and why?

bin. loved yet feared by all. 

4. Which friendship in ASTRO do you like?

all of them ! but the ones that make my heart RING are myungjin, woosan, ramyung, and habin !! 

5.What is your favourite food?

peanut butter or banana bread tbh

6. If you get scouted by any of the three big entertainment companies which one would you choose?

i would choose one flight back to america and bounce 

7. If you could eat one food for your whole life, what would it be?

......banana bread

8. What is your least favourite food and why?

meatballs because again shes thicc and meatly and i once got one shoved in my mouth unwillingly

9. If you could have any superpower in the world, what would it be? and what would you do with said superpower?

flying so i could fly to each of my mutuals’ house and tell them i love them (and bring gifts and snacks)

10.if you can say anything to your favourite group what would you say?

frekakign ive actually been thinking about this a LOT with the freakign!!! fanmeet!!! coming up in  a month!!!! and i think if i had the time and sanity, i would mostly want to thank them for all of the positive impact theyve had on my life, to tell them how beautiful their music and performance is/was, and that i will always be with them^^

11. What do you want to achieve by the end of 2018?

honestly? get my freaking drivers license lol 

sunny’s questions <33333

1. Are you considered short? How tall are you?

delete this question sunny ur a BULLY

2. What’s your favorite scent?

im a basic hoe and love me some vanilla

3. What imagery/sound relaxes you the most?

does jinjin’s voice count? ya 

4. Are you a fast typer?

if u ignnore all my horeednouse typos, thenm yes

5. What’s your handwriting like?

6. Do you like art? What’s your favorite medium?

graphics yeet 

7. How do you typically start up a conversation? (asking for a friend :’)) )

8. What’s one skill you’re particularly proud of?

my calligraphy !! i taught myself and practiced really hard and im proud of how far ive come, although im still lacking a lot !

9. Do you wear your hair up or down/what hairstyle?

i wear my hair in a bun practically every day bc shes so high maintenance >:(( but on a good day ill straighten her and probably do a half-up messy bun !

10. What’s something that never fails to make you smile?

sunny !!!!!!!!!

11. Do you like cleaning?

no. 

(pt 2 is comin folks !) 

[cassisms-blog1]

task 1: introduction

List three fun facts about you.

1) this whole activity could be negated by the image at the bottom which Truly is the only thing about me that you need to know possibly ever 2) i go to art school and did not know how to pronounce schiele until a pretty girl who went to boarding school in germany laughed at me about a month ago and im still not over it and 3) my biggest expense this year despite moving to uni and having to buy everything for myself was, somehow, skincare, because im an oily little gremlin who now at least smells delightfully of lavender

List your top three favorite movies.

moonrise kingdom, the martian, what we do in the shadows

edit: PRIDE how the f did i forget about pride (2014)? a masterpiece

List your top three favorite TV shows.

this year: please like me, the get down, american vandal (ru pauls drag race is an INCREDIBLY close contender)

List your top three favorite artists.

sufjan stevens, los campesinos! and glass animals

Tell us about your funniest roleplay story.

u asked for this: i first roleplayed at the embarrassing age of 7 on the eclectic under 18s forums of marapets dot com. we had dial up internet. i didnt understand why people kept writing boys with cat ears because i hadnt found urbandictionary yet and didnt know what a furry was. people kept kicking me out of things when i was like ‘dont swear im 7′ bc im a fckign dumbass

What is on your roleplay bucket list?

honestly??? writing skeleton characters for an rp then floating away into the void bc i know 4 sure id be terrible admin?? i have 1000 ocs and no place to use them i think itd be GR8

Who is your favorite FC to play?

arden cho for SURE like...thats my girl?

Who was your first FC you played?

the first person i remember using on a tumblr rp was like? tyler posey? i think? (pour one out for teen wolf season 1-3a bc i mean...so good)

What are your favorite kinds of plots?

partners in crime ESPECIALLY when the two characters are like...dead opposites...fake relationships....totally platonic best friends forever....slow burn mutual pining...these are all connections ik but theyre my fav ok

Ask Memes or Q&A?

aaaask memes

What is a tool you use to help you RP?

this is so ridic but my fav author is donna tartt so i aim for her but toned down 8000% bc god love her sm but shes so EXTRA

Describe your favorite thing about roleplaying.

talking to people about characters and coming up w shitty meme aus like. what’s better than this? guys being in the winter olympics or w/e for no apparent reason?

What are you most excited about for the roleplay?

GOSSIP BLOGS...im not going 2 beat around the bush. i love all that drama nonsense. sitting in front of a screen and going OOOOOO when fictional characters get dragged makes my whole day every time

[cutenessinanutshell]

I just wanna talk about something honestly for a second and while most of the time I assume that I’m talking to myself for the love of god if Teejayy is reading this for whatever reason, know not to look too deep into this. It’s not that deep, I promise 🙏🏻

I was looking through my Messenger conversations trying to find a specific person when I bumped into a different person. A person from my past.

I remember when I first saw him at the very beginning, maybe the first month of me living there. I literally could not believe what a handsome human being that dude was. And honestly I swear I didn’t think he noticed me at all. I noticed him a lot because he was just hard not to look at. Straight up there’s no other word to describe him other than he was just hunky LOL

And then February came around. And it was really late at night. It was 12:15 and I went downstairs to go buy Reese peanut butter cups from the vending machine in the lobby and to check my mail. No makeup on. A tank top that was the least flattering ever... sweatpants and honestly I remember feeling bleh. And as I was coming back from checking my mail, I walked out into the hall and he was there. Walking past me with his dad. I remember just pausing slightly and we just looked at each other, him, his dad, and me. And then he was gone and we went opposite ways. I specifically remember his dad looking at me.

I think maybe two or three days later I get this friend request on Facebook from him. And then a message. And that’s when he said “my dad was just here and we saw you and he said I should talk to you.” And then went on to say how he didn’t think much of it and then Facebook made me a suggestion for him to add as a friend. He basically said fate told him to talk to me.

I remember when he messaged me and I had to tell myself to be cool and not fuck it up because he was that handsome. I was sitting in my room on my bed, staring at the screen at this conversation. He was in the architecture program, he was in Dal’s swim team (which one my head really made me understand why he just LOOKED like he had a good body — obv Id only ever seen him in the halls or in the meal y’all.. in clothes.), and he was from Ontario.

And then he asked me out. A coffee date. We met in the lobby at the front doors and we walked to Starbucks. He paid for my drink and we talked. For a long time. Turned out we had a very awkward mutual frenemy — this dude on his swim team. I think K is the only one I’ve talked to about that guy, now that I think about it. Weird. .. anyway.

I wore pink. I dressed cutesy because he just thought I was adorable. We walked home and it was fucking freezing. He asked me if I wanted to hang out later with his friend, and go trampolining. I was not ready for that level of commitment on a first date, so I was like “nah” and then he told me he wouldn’t be long, like two hours, and asked if I wanted to hang out later.

You know. A lot of people out loud would judge me for the decision I made that day, but listen. I was 19, I was in first year university, away from home, with quite possibly the hottest dude I’d ever seen that was my age. I don’t remember if I ever told Tj... not that it matters any more anyway. But for anyone who says they haven’t done this, they’re lying.

Yeah. I did hang out with him later. I came up to his room and we watched a movie. Like we really truly watched the movie. I don’t remember what the movie was, but I know we watched at least most of it. I remember there was time before everything. Please note: this next part is just a recollection of how I felt back then, not a reflection of what I want now today. I remember when he kissed me. He asked if it was weird. It wasn’t. He had this fucking way. You can’t forget the way he did it, ive never had someone be so smooth the way he was to me. The way he kissed and then it’s this feathery swipe of his hand on down your shoulder. The kind of energy that feels dangerous and consuming. I remember that just that swipe and his lips on my neck were enough.

And of all things, we still talked. A lot. After that we talked and he liked me. I’d be in the dining hall by myself grabbing food and he’d just come up to me and walk wherever I went to sit. And he’d save me when this guy I hated talking to would sit with me. He’d sit there and make fun of how much I loved toast and peanut butter and I’d tell him how awful it was that he didn’t eat any carbs. Like at all. Explains the body I guess.

He liked me. He liked me a lot. More than I will ever care to admit because it makes me look like a dick. And one weekend I flew home and didn’t think once about K. Not once. I got to fall in love with my best friend that weekend. That’s how I saw it and that’s how I still see it. I was wrong to lead him on for as long as I did. But you have to understand that I wasn’t sure if TJ and I were about to be on the outs and I think that was me protecting my heart and looking for someone who wanted to call me their girlfriend rather than someone who only wanted the benefits of a girlfriend. But Tj chose me, so I chose him. Because a year with him as my love far outweighs any handsome university boy that probably wasn’t gonna work either way. And I came back and K didn’t understand.

He didn’t get it. “You can’t just do this.” And his pacing. In and out of my room, trying to have the last word. He was wearing all black.

I’m not done with this thought. But I’m tired.

[weeklymusings-blog]

“alone, you’ll go quicker. together, you’ll go farther.”

[gif isn’t mine. retrieved from https://gph.is/1njFwhm]  I chose a blooming cherry blossom tree which had falling petals as a symbol of where I am and where I aspire to be. Like a cherry blossom, I know that like all people, I have the capacity to be good -- there is the best version of myself inside of me that can be developed through grit, rigor, and forming good habits. The cherry blossom tree is where I am now. How it blooms, how it’s petals fall from its branches, how it’s goodness attracts people all over the world to come see it -- is how I wish to be in the future. Like its falling petals, I would like to one day give parts of myself to people -- I want to take the goodness I have developed and I want to share it to the world that helped nurture me. Like how it attracts people through its beauty, I want to be that adult that one day inspires people because of the goodness of who they are. And like the symbol’s form -- a gif, rather than a still moving photo, I want to constantly be in the process of moving -- of becoming -- perhaps I will never truly commit and stay with one thing -- because the world is a bit too big to say yes to one thing (other than goodness) for forever.

Identity Formation With regards to my identity formation, I’d say that much of my identity has gone through some sort of crisis at one point. Growing up, I always had these strict definitions of what I should be -- even if these weren’t in line with what I actually wanted. Abiding by these defined rules because I thought they were “right” made me a generally principled person, but it became negative when I started bringing these “shoulds” to things like hobbies, interests, career, and friends -- among other things that are better based off of preference and genuine delight, rather than the idea of societally defined standard. Now that I’m older, I hope to learn from that mistake. I am now fond of the thought that what I might become is better than what I had initially planned. Thus, I think that a lot of my identity is in the stage of moratorium -- and I’m actually quite happy with that. When we first discussed this lesson, I used to think that Identity Achieved was the ideal state, but reflecting on it now, I’ve come to realize that while commitment is admirable, there is also still something to admire in the unknown and the openness of oneself to that. As Gretchen Ruben once said in her book, The Happiness Project, “the days are long but the years are short” -- sometimes, life can pass you by pretty quickly, yet it’s still a pretty long journey ahead. And to know that this journey is filled with spontaneous side stops and unexpected turns excites me. While there are certain things that I know that I want -- like my love for dance and performance, like movement, like my bisexuality, and like my desire to enact social change -- I know that the only real non-negotiable, the only real aspect I want to commit to is love and happiness. And I like to think that everything else will follow. I’d say that my ego identity is someone that’s constantly optimistic, shares a lot of her thoughts and ideas, and is generally bubbly. On the other hand, I think that my personal identity was me trying to fight off stereotypes in my adolescence, since my personality just really wasn’t linear. For example, something I often thought is: was I the typical responsible student with good grades that recited a lot? or was I the pasaway student that liked to crack jokes and sometimes played the devil’s advocate in class debates? Apparently, they aren’t mutually exclusive. The fun part is that I could be both. Lastly, with regards to my social identity, I tend to be the leader when it comes to group projects because I have a certain standard. However, when it comes to me with my group of friends, I tend to be the more childlike friend that my friends find irresponsible that needs to be taken care of, and is kind of dumb. Whether I actually am like that, or whether it’s actually a brand -- I don’t really know. But both are examples of how I function or act, depending on the social setting. 

Psychosocial stage In terms of my psychosocial stage, I am in the Young Adult stage, since the stage fits my age bracket and describes how I feel in terms of my social interactions with others. Although my values and ideologies are constantly in development, I think that I have a good sense of what they are, and am now more focused on how I relate with others. In the past, I was more preoccupied with a lot of my individual goals and generally trying to figure out who I was and what I wanted. I focused on myself more when I was younger because there were things that needed fine tuning, and now that that’s done, I think I’m better equipped to give more of my attention to others. Whereas I could have gone not talking to people or not valuing my friendships as much before, I now give more importance to the relationships I have with other people. Growing up has also made me a bit more mature, and has improved my relationships with my family members as well. The manifestations of this stage can be seen through how I hang out with my friends more often, spend more quality time with my family, and admittedly, in the longing for intimacy -- have had a few more intense crushes.

Psychosexual stage With regards to my psychosexual stage, I am in the genital stage, which begins in adolescence. I don’t think I really feel much of the sexual desires that Freud described in this stage -- or at least not in the intensity of the way he described it. While the occasional thought of being intimate with a girl crosses my mind from time to time, I wouldn’t really say that it’s as intense as Freud makes it out to be. Either that, or maybe it’s because I’m still figuring out my identity. I know that I can fall for a guy or girl, but when it comes to actual intimacy -- I think I’m either asexual or I’d only ever be intimate with a girl. Honestly, it’s still kind of grosses me out. That aside however, I do agree that it’s in this stage where the conflict between my ego and superego occurs. While I am still idealistic (as represented by the superego) and assertive (as represented by the id) with regards to the things I want, through experience, I’ve come to realize that I need to balance these two aspects of myself (as represented by the ego) in order to effectively function -- or in simpler terms, in order to be truly happy. While there isn’t anything wrong with idealism or assertion, to allow both to run unmitigated has usually resulted in overscheduling or biting off more than I could chew -- to let both rule my life makes me unrealistic and unreasonable with my schedule because I don’t let myself rest. As I grew older, I’ve started to realize the importance of still balancing those two aspects with realism -- and so when I plan my life out, I’m now in the process of learning to give myself some breathing room -- room to make mistakes, to process a day’s events, and to just rest and be.

Issues of emerging adulthood In terms of learning “how to adult”, I’ve seen this manifest through how I’m becoming more conscious with my spending habits, as well as how I’m trying to learn how to commute -- although little by little. I’m also starting to take more initiative with regards to the things that I enjoy doing. For example, when I was a kid, my mom would be the one to enroll me in my ballet lessons -- or any set of extracurricular classes for that matter. She’d be the one to find a studio, to inquire about their rates and schedules, to ask about trial classes so we could compare between places or teachers, and to make the overall final decision of where I’d go. Now that we don’t live together anymore and now that I’m older and further exploring, I’m the one that calls places and asks about those things. Although it’s just for hobbies and interests, in a way it gives me a sense of control over my own life. I feel like I’m starting to become more independent, and although it comes with more responsibility, I like the fact that I’m the one accountable for these things because it’s something within my control.

Like all positives however, this also comes with its own set of negatives. Being accountable means making my own decisions, and having to stick through and live with them. For instance, I have to choose what tracks to take since I’m an AB Interdisciplinary Studies major. It isn’t a choice my parents can make for me anymore -- nor is it something I can just keep ignoring in the hopes that it would one day go away. Since I do recognize how important it is though, in line with me generally being in the moratorium stage, I think that I’m letting myself explore too, and I acknowledge that what I choose doesn’t have to be final (although it’d be beneficial if it is). Thankfully, I’m in a course where we can keep changing our minds.

Aspirations for adulthood Although quite abstract, when I grow up, I have this vague idea of me being financially stable, having some pretty cool stuff, maybe teaching a bit, doing some sort of creative job that I’m passionate about and made good friends through, and on the weekends, I’d be doing some sort of volunteer work. I’d balance that weekend alongside with catching up with family and friends from high school or college. Maybe I’d be living in my own place too -- I’m not entirely sure though -- but I do want to be with my parents regardless. I wasn’t able to spend much time with them growing up, and I’d like to do that now and when I get older. I like the idea of growing up to be someone that generally has a sunshine glow and positive aura -- that knows her morals and stands up for what’s right. Someone that’s politically aware, too, and kind to everyone. I really just want to be happy, fulfilled, loving, and healthy. It isn’t only an aspiration for adulthood though -- but really something I want for the rest of my life.

[theladyofthewest]

I’m an emotional mess so :)

A lot of these posts have been going around and I have had the distinct honour to have been tagged in some myself. Firstly, a huge thank you to anyone who did tag me, I can’t begin to describe how happy you made me by doing that. 

Secondly, one thing I want to say is that a lot of this list is comprised of people I hold very dear to my heart especially considering that even though our interests may vary and I may not post about things they enjoy anymore, they’re still here and really that shows me that I have friends who are here for me, who like me, and not any content I post so for that I’d like to extend another huge thank you. i can’t begin to describe to all of you what that means to me :) <3 

@wreathoflaurels​ : Oh mannnnn haha where do I begin??? Umm Laura is like literally one of my best friends and I cant begin to say how relieved I am that I mustered up the courage to talk to her that one day cause its been nothing but love and support and caring for each other since. i cant understand how someone i have never been able to lay eyes on in person could have so much of my heart and so much of my trust. I would lay down my life for you in a second and i dont think I get nearly enough opportunities to show you that. You are such a giving and supportive person and I truly count myself privileged to have been able to meet someone like you and count you as one of the people nearest to my heart. I love you and I want nothing but the best for you. 

@gobodosama​: Someone else that I count myself so blessed to have mustered up the courage to talk to omg. I remember the first time I spoke to Abbey was on one of her streams and she was so kind and supportive that I immediately thought ‘well fuck she’ll never like you.’ But!!!! by some miracle, she did and I get to say, with so much pride that Abbey is one of my best friends. Abbey is someone I have been able to pour my heart out to and never feel like my words will be misconstrued or misinterpreted. I truly feel like the best version of myself when I am speaking to you and i CANt begin to thank you enough for that. My super talented, kind, loving, beautiful best friend. Stay awesome, I love you. 

@sankontesu​ :Sometimes I sit there and wonder to myself how I, hell the world, got so lucky to have someone like Lali. honestly. Lali is easily one of the kindest and most generous and open hearted people I have ever met. Lali, I remember being absolutely floored that you would spend your own money on commissioning art of Reiko for me as a birthday present. That you hadn’t even met me and you were willing to spend your own money on me. We were so close to being able to meet in NYC and do I wish to god it happened so i could give you such a huge hug and thank you for being you. People can say whatever they want about Lali but let it be known that in all my life I have never met someone like you, someone who is so good to the core and deserving of nothing but love. I love you, even if we havent spoken in so loooongg, and I hope you are always smiling cause you deserve nothing but . 

@mirsan​ :Angie is someone that I could talk about for days. I would never get tired of announcing to the world how much Angie means to me as a person and how beautiful and giving and caring and supportive she is. There have been too many occasions for me to quote to anyone where I have felt like Angie would take on the world for me and there have been times where she has done just that. And whats most amazing about Angie is that its not just me or any of her friends that she would do that for, Angie would do that for anyone. That is what makes her such an amazing person. Angie i have been able to cry to you, cry with you, laugh with you, and listen to horrific 10 minute voice notes with you, do dramatic live readings of horrific fics with you - you name it. I will never forget that when I was scared of seeing someone to talk to, it was you who talked me through what the initial process would be and gave me the courage to go through with it. i cant thank you enough for that. I love you so much you are literally my life coach, be mirsan af and happy always, i will fight anyone who contradicts that. 

@narkik​ : amandaaaaaa omg. Amanda you were probably my first friend on here. The Office AU haha and I remember thinking that you were waaaaay too cool for me and lo and behold I am correct. You are such an intelligent and beautiful person, so easy to talk to and i love that i can go months without talking to you and yet the next time we do talk its like it was just yesterday. idk what it is that makes me feel like I could talk to you about anything but know that i would literally fight the entire universe in order to put a smile on your face because you deserve that. Its weird how someone can be the opposite of me in so many ways and yet we can still be so similar. I love you and I want to always write smut that makes you cry in public places from trying not to smile haha, please stay happy always!!!

@aaya-ranjha-mera: omgggg you are a wild card entry! I can not begin to fathom how close I have gotten to you in such a short time. I can honestly say that I never expected for you to become a daily fixture in my life where it feels weird if we arent talking about one thing or the other. I love that i can always count on you to understand how im feeling and offer perspectives on it that i didnt even imagine. I love how I dont have to explain things to you, you seem to just understand them and sometimes its like you’re just on the same brainwave as me haha (our twins moments are far too many to count). You understand me and my love for certain,,,, characters,,,, *sigh* in a way that makes me feel a little more sane at the end of the day anD i LOVE you for that. I adore that you trust me enough to talk to me about things because the feeling is 10000% mutual and I would fight the entire planet for you!

@smilebomber : OH RINNE.. soMETIMES i think about you and just get really emotional because you are such a pURE soul and you honestly must be protected at all costs. When i think sunshine and happiness and the warmth you get from being around someone you love, I think of you. You’re so strong and loving and beautiful and TALENTED. Is there anything you cant do?? i think not. I love that youre always so considerate of everyone around you, you’re always thinking of others and their feelings and i want you to know that I am always always always thinking of you and i have so much love in my heart for you. you have been there to ask me if i’m okay when I’m feeling down, to leave me nice asks and pick me up messages and I can’t find words to tell you how much that means to me. All I can really do is impress on you that I will always, in any circumstance, be here to do the same for you and if anyone ever tries to make you feel like you are anything short of an actual goddess I will come for their ass so help me god. 

@hedevimaiyya: i want to say to you shivangi that i am guaranteed going to cry typing this and if you laugh i will kill you ok. Shivangi omg omg omg i have been able to tell you things that i would never tell anyone else, i have been able to cry to you in ways that i dont know if ive done to someone else. You understand me on a wavelength that I dont think even I can reach??? When i talk to you its like all my sadness and stress becomes background noise because we just have so much fun talking to each other. I share everything with you, be it art or fic or OCs and you make me feel like ive done something worth the nobel prize every single time and I cant tell you the fuzzy feeling i get every time you message me because you are associated with goodness and happiness to me and I just feel so strongly for you. I would murder anyone who hurt you and I have been on the verge of doing so more than once. i hope to god, more than anything, that you come down to ontario so i can hug you and scream or i come up to montreal and you can laugh at my french which, while being fluent and spoken with a correct accent, is probably horrible. I LOVE YOU BOOBOO ILL DIE FOR YOU. 

@onikik : You know what michelle you wanna know the truth. i struggled a lot writing your paragraph. Because i dont know where to begin talking about you. Do i start with your talent, with the fact that youre the actual hand of god? do i start with your wonderful ideas and humour?? Or do i start with the heart of pure gold in your chest? You are honestly one of the most amazing people I have met hands down, you are always ready to spread love and care and be there for other people. You - god Im getting teary eyed thinking about it - you go out of your way to do things for other people and even when youre doing a commission you go out of your way to personalize it for the person and really make them feel like you did this for them and only for them, to make them happy. theres this loving intimacy in everything you do that makes everyone around you feel like you care about them and that you are there for them. idk how you do it honestly but i think youre an actual god. yOU must be i cant imagine there being any other way that you could be so beautiful and kind and loving and giving and caring and just pe r fect. I love you and id die for you and kill for you. know that always. 

and to you beautiful, beautiful people: you are all such amazing people who have made me feel so loved and welcomed. I see your URLs on my dash and I immediately am filled with warmth and love because thats exactly what all of you represent to me!!!!!

@ohblackfire, @kristicles, @thequeenwillruletheboard, @oh-haseena, @inukag, @sinuyasha, @kongosoha, @ashcanvas, @macabre-and-cheese

to anyone I forgot: I am so incredibly sorry. Know that if your name isnt on this list anywhere, that doesnt mean you’re not in my heart and that I wouldnt give my actual life for you. I have a horrible memory and I give you my deepest and most sincere apologies. <3 

[skiasurveys]

doing this cus hes moving away and ill miss his bitch ass

THE BASICS 1. When did you both get together? May 10th 2016 2. Who made the first move?  we both did, i guess. It was mutual. we had dated 5 months previously for like 2 weeks, and we got back into contact and we both knew we liked it eachother. 3. How long have you been a couple? 10 months. will be 11 in april  4. How did you first meet?  OKCUPID 5. Were you already close friends before going out as a couple? I guess so, we had been talking for like a month til we officalized it. 6. Are you/Were you ever in the same class at school?  no. He graduated 5 years before me 7. Are you long-distance?  nope. but we will be in a couple of days :( 8. Are you in an open, regular or committed relationship?  committed. 9. Do you live together? we were going too..but he didnt get a job, so hes moving back home to live with his dad and work there for a bit, and then in the summer we will be moving in together :) 10. Are you engaged? If yes, describe your proposal. If no, what ring would you like? no, and i dont know. 11. Are you married? If yes, describe your wedding. If no, would you consider marriage? No, and yeah id consider. 12. Which one of you is older? What is the age difference? Connor is older. by 6.5 years.  13. Which one of you is taller? What is the height difference?  he is haha, by a foot and 2 inches. Im 5 feet, and he’s 6′2. 14. Do you share any of the same hobbies/interests/passions?  yeah we both like the same stuff, but im more artsy than he is. but we like the same shows/movies/video games.  Thats how we gt  along very well. 15. What fictional couples would you compare yourselves to? i dont know.  16. Sum up your relationship in 6 words or less. happy, strong, crazy, great, safe. 17. Doodle a little picture of you both as a couple <- no 18. Describe your relationship using only emoticons.  cant do this not on my iphone.  19. Share a cute photo of you both together.  i dont know how to share on here, but if you go on my personal account you can find some. just go. Justskia.tumblr.com/tagged/connor 

ATTRACTION 20. Top 5 fav things about your partner. his arms, his humor, his laugh, the way he talks about his passions, his smile. 21. Your partner’s top 5 fav things about you. ask him. 22. What physical traits do you find most attractive about your partner? his arms are really fucking nice. and his height. 23. What physical traits does your partner find most attractive about you? i know he likes how small i am, and short and my butt for sure cause im short stacked lolol 24. What personality traits do you find most attractive about your partner? His humour really.  He is very funny, and I like how real he is with him. He’s romantic and senstive and he only shows that to me.  25. What personality traits does your partner find most attractive about you? i dont know, ask him. He likes that Im good company, that I dont complain and bitch him out, and that i make him happy, but i dont know ask him lol 26. Do you hold hands in public? Any other public displays of affection? if we do show PDA its either like hand holding or like a kiss on the cheek. 27. List your top 3 turn-ons about your partner. His arms, his aggressiveness, and his facial hair 28. List your partner’s top 3 turn-ons about you. ask him. 29. How would you seduce your partner? How would they seduce you? I dont really need to seduce him. 30. Innocently or not, where do you like your partner to touch you?  my sides or upper thigh. 31. Describe your partner’s eyes. dark brown, they are kinda sad and it breaks my heart. 32. Describe your partner’s hair.  Brown and messy but like a nice messy. 33. Describe your partner’s smile. His smile is big, and he smiles with his eyes and it makes me feel homesick, and I love it. 34. What is your partner’s voice like?  deep but not too deep. Like rough, but sweet. I love it. 35. What is your partner’s scent like? manly and musky,its so fucking nice. 36. How does your partner impress you? How do you impress them? he tries to show off how strong and good he is at his video games. hilarious. I just try to show off how funny and cute i am.  37. What outfit would you like to see your partner in? What would they like to see you wear? i wouldnt mind him in like plaid shirts and I know he lieks me in mini skirt and socks. 38. Show your fav picture of your partner that they’ve posted online. not gonna post that just cause i dont know how he would feel.

ROMANCE 39. Do you have cute pet names for each other? not really. 40. What’s one of your favourite memories as a couple? I have way too many. seriously. I like the one where he called me at 11:30 Pm saying he knew i was lonely and that he could come get me, that was nice. but i have lots. 41. Describe your favourite date so far? honestly, i cant think of one. Our first date was so fun but not my fav..idk 42. What’s the sweetest thing that your partner’s ever done for you? hes been there for me when i needed him. 43. Do either of you get jealous? i do. 44. Is one of you protective of the other? i am and he is too. 45. How do you both like to kiss? just like kissing normally, but i like to press my tongue on his tongue.  46. How do you both like to cuddle? either when were spooning, or i lay my head on his chest, or he lays on me. 47. What’s a gift that you’ve given to your partner? And one they’ve given to you? Idk I give him a lot of shit. He gave me his truck. 48. Are you an openly mushy couple or a reserved couple? half n half 49. Does one of you like to cook for the other? im a bad cook. 50. Do you have unique ringtones/images for each other on your phones? no but i have a image of him on my phone  51. Have you ever had your initials written on a tree or in the sand? no but i could  52. What’s “your song”? I cant help falling in love with you 53. Do you own any items that are a special symbol of your relationship? a few 54. What did you both do for Valentine’s Day?  we didnt do much really, actually. 55. Do you express your love lavishly or discreetly? discreetly kinda. 56. What’s the funniest thing you can remember your partner doing? hes so fucking funny. I cant choose. dont make me  57. Does thinking about your partner still give you butterflies? yeah 58. What’s the weirdest part of your relationship? that people keep trying to take us away. 

BEING TOGETHER 59. Fav things to do together on a rainy day? watch a series 60. Fav things to do together on a sunny day? Go for a walk or something  61. Got any plans together for next week? spending my finale days with him until we see eachother again.  62. What’s your favourite thing to share together? my bed. 63. What did you do for your partner’s latest birthday? What did they do for yours? he actually didnt want to do anything for his birthday, but for mine we just hung out and were cute together/ had dinner. 64. Where would you like to go on holiday together? somewhere far. like disney.  65. You have a whole weekend to yourselves and 500 in cash- what do you do? I dont know, thats not a lot of money.  Probably a night in Banff  66. How would you comfort your partner on a bad day? How would they comfort you? Just like hug him or let him know Im there, and hed probably cuddle me 67. Where would you both get takeout together? probably some thai or chinese food. 68. What’s the longest time you’ve been apart? 5 months 69. What things remind you of your partner? What things remind them of you? anime. and I dont know. 70. Has your relationship changed at all since it first started? we have gotten more close and he tells me more. hes more open. 71. Have you ever worked on a project together? no 72. Have you both influenced each other in any way? yeah 73. Have either of you made sacrifices for this relationship? oh god yeah. 74. Has you discovered anything surprising about your partner? yes  75. How have you both made a positive impact on each other’s lives? i like to think so  76. What do you both mutually agree is the most important part of your relationship? communication 

EVERYDAY LIFE 77. What are the everyday things you both do to show you care about each other? just talking to eachother, spending time with them.  78. Do you follow each other’s blogs/twitter/instagram? he doesnt have those. 79. Is there a favourite place that you both frequently go to together? subway hahaha 80. What TV shows do you like to watch together? way too fucking many. 81. How do you relax together? Movies, cuddles, sex. 82. What sleep positions do you tend to sleep together in? spooning.  83. Do you borrow each other’s clothes or other items? no 84. Do you ever share the bathroom together? yeah 85. How do you both keep in touch when you’re away from each other? Texting, phone calls, psn calls 86. Do you share secrets between each other? yeah 87. Do you rotate house chores or do you each have assigned chore duties? we dont live together. 88. Do you remember how your partner takes their coffee/tea/bar drinks? he doesn tlike coffee  89. What does your partner think of your Tumblr? he doesnt know mine haha  90. What characters do you play as together when playing multiplayer games?  we play eso 

COMPATABILITY 91. Are you both introverted/extroverted or opposites? Hes introverted and im ambiverted.  92. Who is the more dominant/submissive one? hes more dom, and im sub. 93. What are some major differences between you both? He is more real, just tells things how they are, i like to sugar coat shit. 94. When are you both “in your element” together? in my room 95. Who would win in an arm-wrestling contest? he would  96. What are each of your zodiac signs and how do they compare? im a sag, and hes a taurus  97. What are each of your MBTI types and how do they compare?  i dont know his actually 98. What are each of your Hogwarts houses and how do they compare?  i dont know lmao  99. If you were both in a dating sim, what character tropes would each of you be?  i dont fucking know man  100. If you were both animals what would you be? Would you be the same animal? hed be a cat for sure.. 101. How does your partner’s wardrobe differ from yours? hes just more dude like? 102. Have you ever both said something at the exact same time? yeah sure  103. Rate your relationship on a scale of basic vanilla (1) to extremely kinky (10)  like a 6-7  104. Mix your fav colour with your partner’s fav colour- what is the result? its make like a violet  105. If you were both ingredients, what would each of you be and what would be the resulting recipe? (e.g. PB & jelly sandwich) im fucking dead at this question  106. Which of you would win in a Pokemon battle? As sign yourself and your partner a fitting Pokemon type (e.g. water, grass, poison etc). Are either of you super effective against the other? hed win.

CONFLICT 107. What happens when you argue with each other? How do you both make up? We have had only 2 huge arguments, usually we just do what people do and just fight and just get it over with..talk it out. we dont fight really, and im happy for that. we do get into little bickering shit but thats it.

108. What’s something that your partner does that annoys you? How do you annoy them? when he games for more than like 10 hours or whatever, like I actually don’t care if hes gaming, hes relaxing for me to being doing my own thing and him doing his. But sometimes he does online game a lot and is chating with friends for really long periods at a time and its like yo can we like chill and talk. But im not crazy like i want him to spend time with his friends but there is a limit i guess. and I think i annoy him when im constantly texting him n he doesnt respond. But he doesnt rly tell me what annoys him

109. What are some imperfections that you love about your partner? his little ego haha he is always bragging about how great he is at something and i love it. He’s not a jackass or douche about stuff but sometimes hes bragging and im like smh 

110. What are some imperfections that your partner loves about you? i dont know, i don’t wanna ask LOL 111. Has your partner ever accidentally hurt you? Have you accidentally hurt them? Physically and emotionally? yeah. who hasnt though? I did hit his head once and he was like wtf? and it was by accident ahah. But yeah i have said shit to him where it hurt him and its like fuck i didn tmean it like that. It sucks

112. Is there anything about you that your partner just doesn’t understand? probably my mental health to be at most part. He doesnt understand some things i do.

113. Is there anything about your partner that you just don’t understand? yeah like why does he try so hard to act like he doesnt care when he does. Its kinda weird. 114. When was the last time you cried about your relationship and why? today but thats cause hes moving away today, and so i was crying with him cus i didnt want him to go.

115. What is something you love that your partner hates? cringe  116. What is something you hate that your partner loves? anime  117. When was the last time you had to apologise to your partner and why? Today because i by accident was being a little too pushy and i felt so bad.  118. Do either of you get too clingy? me at most part i think. i like his clingyness but he isnt too clingy actually 

119. Do you have any insecurities about your relationship? yeah, i do. Just cause i hate myself and im scared he will find someone else.

120. When was a time that your relationship was put to the test? i dont know? 121. What would your partner have to do to make you end the relationship? cheat, break the law ( like murder/rape/rob a bank lmao), insult my family too extreme for no reason. 

RELATIONS 122. Does your family approve of your relationship? meh, not really. whatever 123. What do your friends think of your relationship? they think he’s super nice and that he makes me happy. 124. How do you both act together around others as opposed to when you’re alone together? hes more romantic with me and like more feely but when were with friends hes like reserved but he doesnt like hide our relationship.

125. How did you first reveal to people that you were going out? i took a picture of us together and posted it on instagram and facebook i believe and then i just told people. 

126. Do you think you and your partner look similar to each other? both have brown eyes but thats it lol 

127. How does your partner treat you special compared to everyone else in their life? he spends his time with me the most, he tells me everything ( well at least i think he does haha ), hes opened with me. Hes very reserved around others. 

128. Do you both have a mutual friend group, or only separate friendship groups? separate, but i do like hanging with his friends. 

129. What’s a common misconception about your relationship?  oh that hes “way too old for her” hes only 6 years older, its not 16 years smh. also that people think that I let him walk on me and do what he wants but I don’t let that, i do let him do what he wants but he doesnt walk all over me. 

130. Has your relationship affected any of your relations with others? yeah. 131. Has anyone tried to sabotage your relationship? yeah. a few actually. fuck them.  132. Quote something somebody has said about your relationship. “i dont see why you waste your time” that is what some ppl say. a lot of people like us together but some don’t. dont know why, actually. 

133. Quote something somebody has said about your partner. he seems really nice or that he makes me happy or that hes too old like wtf no in between.

FUTURE 134. What do you hope for the future of your relationship? i hope that we grow as individuals and in our relationship and that we make it offical. RING BABY. 

135. If you both got married, what would you want your wedding to be like?  my dream wedding is something small but not too small but not big where i dont know half the people. something fun that represents us as our relationship but sometimes romantic too.

136. Can you imagine what your ideal home would look like? yeah, i guess probably like studio apartment, or something. idk we dont reallt talk about that. 

137. Do you have kids/want to have kids? What would they be like? no and no  138. If you could do anything for your partner what would you do? i would get him a nice place for him to stay, a really nice 4K TV and maybe take him somewhere where he wants to go.

139. Do you think you’ll still be together when you’re old and wrinkly? honestly i do  140. Got any relationship advice? dont let people tell you what to do. If you want to be with them, be with them. But make sure to pay attention for warning signs too though