#Honestly though I think the series can count as a Zombie apocalypse already

[dead-girl-prolific]

Writing Projects + Project Updates

So, I'm back from hiatus, as previously stated in this post. and I want to create again, but one of my biggest barriers is... I can barely write relationship adjacent work. I struggle with writing anything involving a relationship (friends, romance, familial, etc) it's mainly just awkward for me, I can write pretty much anything else though, I think this year I'm going to work on getting out of my comfort zone, and hopefully by the end of the year I'll be much better at writing. I'm also going to post more random art/doodles. I might make a separate blog for that, I'm not entirely sure of that idea yet though, but I'll definitely post more art.

I'm going to attempt to join in more challenges and events (for art and writing), but I won't push myself too hard. I do burn out easily. I'm going to be more lenient and forgiving towards myself as well. I'll be taking more breaks. I won't be giving myself strict deadlines. I am the biggest priority right now.

anyway — here's two lists I've made for projects I'm going to be working on either eventually, through-out 2025, or currently working on, and things I'm considering, as well as projects I've completely dropped/paused

2025 Projects;

Organized in order of currently working on

(Second list is for the more ambitious/overwhelming projects that won’t be made till 2026)

(?) - considering , will be at the very end of the list.

The Limbo Remake/Rewrite (currently working on)

CRP creatures/cryptids short horror stories (list of creatures/cryptids made already, just need to brainstorm story ideas)

Backrooms survival horror series (this will be ongoing throughout the year after I complete the creatures/cryptids short horror stories.)

Masky/Tim head cannons (this is something I'll do for fun as a little break, I'm not sure when I'll start it or post it)

list of character head canons (favorite songs, food allergies, heights, styles, etc.) ((this is something I'll do as a break as well. I'll probably make this after I finish the Masky/Tim head cannons. if I'm not too crammed with other projects.))

CRP AU mansion Headcanons (mansion description, mansion residence, relationships in the mansion) (I'll be writing these when I'm done with the two other headcanon lists and halfway through the list of creatures/cryptids stories.)

CRP AU separate living AU (characters who would live together, characters that canonically don't know each other/(head canon-) relationships between characters). ((These will probably be posted after I complete the other AU and finish my creature/cryptids stories completely or close to finishing them.)) 

individual character headcanons. (very, very back of my mind; I won't be working on these till I finish everything but the Backrooms survival (duh, lol)).

Updating my about me (creator/writer) post (this is something that I'll get around to; I don't have an exact date on it, but it will be updated and posted again)

making a new playlist for the blog (?) (I'm not really sure if I want to make another playlist, but I'm thinking about it.)

- Not including any events/challenges I might join to better my writing skills. (fluffbruary, genre-specific challenges, daily word counts, AU August, Sicktember, whumptober, etc.) (I'll probably make a list of challenges/events I'll (probably) join this year and post it after this.)

- Not including any random rants/rambles I decide to post, I want to continue writing random psychology "essays" as well.

Big projects;

(?) - considering will be at the very end of the list.

Ticci Toby x Clockwork Slow Burn Fanfic (This is the end project as a little reward for when I reach my writing goal.)

CRP AU (zombie/monster apocalypse) ((very, VERY big project that I honestly probably won't get around to this year.))

creepypasta character origin story rewrites(?) ((still considering; probably won't work on this till 2026 because I have a lot of ideas for several characters, and it will just be very time-consuming.))

projects I’ve dropped;

Jason the toymaker fanfic (dropped completely)

fluff oneshots (paused?)

If you’ve made it this far thank you for reading! I hope I can post again soon! <3

[snowdice]

One More Chance (Part 12 of the Series “Is There Anything Left of Patton?”)

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Relationships: Logan/Patton, Virgil & Patton, Logan & Virgil, Roman & Patton

Characters: 

Appear: Patton, Logan, Virgil

Mentioned: Roman, Remy

Summary: Season change. Life changes. This time, Patton does too.

Notes: Zombie Apocalypse AU, Patton is a zombie

This is the twelfth part of a series of one-shots called Is There Anything Left of Patton?

Previous parts:

“Something Left”

“Someone You’ll Never Meet”

“Food You’ll Never Eat”

“Things You’ll Never Do”

“There Are Things That Are Lost”

“There Are Things That Are Missing”

“And There is a Question”

“Is There Anything Left of Patton?”

“And There is an Answer”

“But What Does It Mean”

“One More Dance”

My Master Post

The day Roman danced with Patton marked a big change in the house. Remy had basically already figured out what was going on with Patton (or at least as much as one could given Logan and Virgil didn’t quite understand it themselves), but it came as a surprise to Roman… somehow. Virgil had worried on the first day about Roman’s reaction considering his initial behavior when he’d met Patton, but much like Virgil had, Roman had managed to get attached. Zombie or not, Roman had decided Patton was his friend. The explanation of just what exactly was going on had come with some awkwardness, but not violence and life quickly moved on.

Once the secret was out and neither of them had an extreme negative reaction, their guests began to crest the barrier between guests and residents in the house. Logan began to devote time to thinking up a more permanent solution than just having the two crash on the floor of the study. For now, they had found usable mattresses and dragged them home to set up a temporary third bedroom in the study, but Logan had been making plans to renovate the house next door and build an attachment between the two so they would have more space. He’d already spent some of the summer constructing a sturdier fence around the neighboring house and planned on working on building more solar panels for its roof in the basement during the winter.

The division of labor became a lot easier too with the addition of two people. Scavenging was much easier, allowing Logan to get the supplies for the aforementioned solar panels as well as other supplies from more difficult to break into places. Remy and Roman were actually quite practiced at not dying in more risky situations since they’d started in a city.

Remy knew a bit about tech, having worked in a theater and jury-rigged a few things like microphones and lights in his day. Though he didn’t know as much about stuff as Logan, he knew enough basics that Logan was able to teach him things about maintaining and fixing the generators and other things around the house.

Roman, meanwhile, was good at hunting in both the traditional way and in the Roman-did-you-really-just-catch-a-chicken-with-your-bare-hands sort of way. They now had 3 chickens which they’d set up a coop for in the other house’s backyard.

Both Roman and Remy could sew pretty well which took some of the load off of Virgil and they could help in the garden some (Logan was still not allowed anywhere near it).

Virgil still often found himself panicking about the fast approaching winter, but they had even more supplies than the year before even counting the two extra mouths. So, overall, everything had changed for the better.

And then, there was Patton.

Patton had good days and bad days, but even the bad days were in stark contrast to what he’d been like a year ago. It’s like something had been triggered in him, and once he’d figured out how to follow the path to consciousness, it became easier to do so by the day.

On good days, Virgil imagined an outsider wouldn’t ever guess what he was. He wasn’t 100% normal, but most people would have no trouble saying he was a person. He still never spoke (except reportedly to Logan sometimes when they were alone), but he did react to what they said and seemed to understand. He smiled at Roman when he played him a song and tilted his head when Virgil spoke softly to him. There were entire passive aggressive arguments about the décor between him and Remy as both moved everything from furniture to decorations around sometimes behind each other’s back… and sometimes while making unflinching eye contact. Virgil thought they were having fun. Maybe?

There was a day in late August after the temperature had finally broken and it wasn’t boiling hot anymore where Virgil came down to find every blanket and pillow in the house had been brought to the living room and piled on and around the couch. Virgil at first had thought it was another malfunction and Patton was confused, but it was clear by how Logan reacted that it was in fact just a Patton thing. Roman had taken the blankets and constructed a fort for him which they’d both proceeded to spend the rest of the day in talking (well, Roman did the talking) about musicals and Disney movies.

Then, there were a few times where Virgil had caught him staring at a full cup of water sitting in the armchair. He’d sheepishly pretend like he’d gotten the water to drink it and Virgil let him.

Virgil’s hoodie just as often ended up folded outside his bedroom door in the mornings as it ended up in the washing machine and sometimes Patton would even come find him and hand it to him.

They hid the macaroni and cheese and woke to the entire loaf of bread that had been on the counter gone and cold grilled cheeses in the refrigerator. They put the macaroni back.

And on his best days when he came downstairs and poured himself a glass of juice from the refrigerator, he’d shoot a smile at Virgil and go off to find Logan. Virgil would often find them later smashed into the armchair together with Patton’s head on his shoulder while Logan read a book to him out loud.

The good days were become slightly more frequent as the months pushed on, but today was a bad day.

He’d been very confused and mostly unresponsive all day, but there was still something there in his eyes even today. Virgil glanced over as he removed the last jar of canned strawberries in this batch from the pressure cooker on the stove and set it on a dishtowel to cool. He’d been taking inventory earlier and some of the older cans that needed to be used soon were on the kitchen table including a jar of pickles.

Patton was staring at that jar intently as though it held the secrets of the universe. “Do you want a pickle, Patton?�� Virgil asked. There wasn’t much of a response except for maybe a flicker of his eyelashes. However, the fact that he seemed to connect the sealed container with one of his favorite snacks did say something good about his object permanence.

Virgil passed the card table he’d set up for the earlier batches of cans to the kitchen table and grabbed the jar. He quickly took out one of the pickles and closed the can back up tight so the man wouldn’t try to eat all the contents in one go. He placed the pickle down in front of Patton. He immediately grabbed it and Virgil quickly turned away, so he wouldn’t have to watch that. When he looked back, the pickle was gone, and Patton had placed his chin on the table to once again stare at the jar intently.

“You just keep doing that buddy,” Virgil said before turning back to his canning station on the counter. He’d been working all day and this next batch would be his last. He started spooning the pre-prepared strawberries into the jars as he heated the water back up in the pressure cooker. He heard Patton shifting around but didn’t pay him much mind, too engrossed in his task. Annoyingly, it ended up that he was about half a can short on his mixture. He must have filled one of the earlier batches too full and now everything was uneven. It wasn’t a big deal, but still irritating. He’d just placed the last lid on when a hand suddenly appeared next to him and he jumped.

Honestly, one would think he’d be used to Patton randomly reaching for him by now. Except, unlike what usually happened, the hand went for one of the jars from the last batch instead of for Virgil himself. There was a quiet pop before the jar was set down again with its lid off. Virgil blinked at him. He blinked back and then wandered away. Virgil’s eyes followed him which is when he saw the card table. Every single jar was open.

“Oh, you’ve gotta be kidding me Patton.” Patton gave him a curious head tilt, looked at the dozens of opened cans, and then looked back at him.

Virgil put his head down on the counter and let out a long, loud groan. He was actually impressed by own his lung capacity.

There were footsteps from the living room after about 15 seconds of sustained groaning. “What happened?” Logan asked.

“I just wasted an entire day on canning is what just happened,” Virgil sighed, gesturing to the many, many open cans.

Logan’s presence in the room seemed to pull Patton in and he walked up to him, kind of bumping into his front. Logan’s arms came up to hug him softly, and he rubbed his back a bit. Virgil watched as, after a moment, Patton tilted his head a bit to angle his mouth towards Logan’s ear. Virgil raised an eyebrow at that. Logan hummed after a few seconds and pressed a kiss to the top of Patton’s head. “It’s okay, love. I’ll help Virgil clean it up for you. You don’t have to worry.”

Virgil blinked. “Yeah, no, it’s fine Pat,” he was quick to reassure. “I get it. You’re good. It’s just a few cans.”

“How about I take you upstairs and you can lay down for a bit?” Logan offered. Patton nodded. “Alright, I’ll be down in a few minutes,” Logan said to Virgil before starting to guide Patton upstairs.

“You will not,” Virgil muttered, knowing it would be at least an hour, maybe two before he could pull himself away. Yet, he was more amused than annoyed at that fact. Virgil turned to look at the state the kitchen was in as they disappeared up the stairs. “Well, I guess I get one more chance to make sure the strawberry levels are even in all of the cans.”

Want to read more? The next part of this series is  When There Is Something Left.

[yossariandawn]

Tagged by @astarkey and @alwaysupatnight , thank you! I do love interesting questions! I’m combining these because it would take me days to think up 22 questions. Here are the rules:

Rule 1: post the rules Rule 2: answer the questions the person who tagged you asked and write 11 new ones Rule 3: tag 11 people and link them to the post Rule 4: actually tell them you tagged them

Edit: I didn’t realize how long this got, so I’m fixing it so I can put some of it behind a cut. My questions first so people can decide if they want to play along!

My Questions:

1. Set two fictional couples you love on a double date, and tell me how would that play out? One word answers are acceptable if you prefer.

2. Do you like candles? If so, what’s your favorite candle scent?

3. What’s the perfect fic you’ve been craving that wish someone else would write already?

4. If you could have an 15 minute conversation with any fictional character, who would you choose?

5. Above question continued, what would you talk about?

6. What’s one weird thing you loved as a child?

7. Any songs that make you always think of a character?

8. How well can you swim, and do you enjoy swimming?

9. Recommend me a new show, movie, or song!

10. What’s your favorite food that you make?

11. Draft the perfect Zombie Apocalypse Survival Team, 5 characters from any show or movie.

and now I’m tagging @sandalaris, @fortysevenswrites, @starkidmack, @captain-k-jones, and if you follow me and want to be tagged in this kind of thing in the future, just tag yourself and I’ll know to send them your way! I never know who wants to play, and there’s never any pressure to do any I send, I promise! 💖

EDIT: adding @alwaysupatnight​ YOU ARE NOW OFFICIALLY TAGGED

and now for my answers behind the cut:

@astarkey’s questions:

1. Favorite fall activity? Anything outside, to be honest. It’s my favorite time of year! I do love reading in my hammock with a blanket before it gets too cold, though I’m not sure that counts as an activity.

2. Favorite song at the moment? Well, the one I’m most obsessing on is one I’m vidding right now, so I’m keeping that a secret. BUT, I’ve been listening to Setting Sun by Lord Huron a lot recently ever since @alwaysupatnight mentioned it in an ask about Culebra Seth. I hadn’t heard it before and I fell right in love with it. 

3. Last movie you saw in theaters? Oh, it has been awhile since I actually went to a theater. I wanna say it was the first IT movie, cause I remember taking my brothers to see that. If I went after that I guess it didn’t leave an impression on me.

4. Favorite emoji/smiley? I really like 🥳 cause look how excited it is! Close second is 😎 because it makes me think of the Geckos when I use it.

5. Cold weather or hot weather? Cold weather, as stated above!

6. Are you a past, present, or future person? Hmm, I’m going to say present. I am a bit of a worrier by nature, so I intentionally try and keep myself grounded by staying in the moment as much as possible, so I’m not obsessing over what I did or about what could happen next. I’m reasonably successful with it. 

7. From where you’re sitting, what’s the closest object on your right? Water bottle.

8. What’s something you’re weirdly afraid of? (For example, a hair dryer, airplanes, a microwave, etc.) Ok, so this going to sound very weird, but it’s grasshoppers.  don’t mind spiders, hornets, bees, any of the normal creepy crawlies, they don’t bother me at all, but I have such an intense irrational reaction to grasshoppers, like a real fight or flight thing kicks in for me. I understand they can’t hurt me, but I don’t trust those little sideways hoppers AT ALL. Also, I used to spend a lot time catching (and releasing) bugs when I was a small child, and one day one BIT ME, which I didn’t know they can do, and the betrayal was so great that I have never forgiven them. And then if you want to see something that’s even more untrustworthy, google the spider cricket sometime. I don’t see as many of those, but my friend had some living underneath her porch one year, and they are terrible. (also harmless)

9. Favorite snack food? Soft pretzels with cheese are always a good time. And now I want one, dang it.

10. Favorite color to wear? Blue! I love blue so much.

11. Stargazing in an open field, watching the ocean tides on a lonely beach, or late night drives on the highway while listening to good music?  I’m going to pick stargazing in an open field, because that sounds the most relaxing to me at the moment! But the other two also sound lovely.

@alwaysupatnight‘s asks:

1. Have you started any new hobbies this year? Vidding. if I’m allowed to stretch the definition of a year about 1 month past haha.  I’ve also done a ton more “creative" writing since joining tumblr, all these asks and tag games are the most I’ve ever organized my thoughts and put them out there for others to actually see (excluding non voluntary things like schoolwork and work) It’s been a lot of fun to do both, and really allowed me to push myself out of my comfort zone.

2. Read any good books lately? Not recently, I have several checked out I need to get to soon before I have to return them.

3. Favorite color of nail polish to wear? Or if you don’t wear nail polish, the color of the laces on your fave pair of sneakers? I don’t wear nail polish most of the time, though I will let children paint my nails when they want, since they seem to love doing that. And my favorite sneaker laces are just the standard white they came with. I’m pretty causal and laid back fashion wise.

4. Faerie, mermaid, angel, or vampire? This is so broad! Am I reading/watching something they’re in, fighting them, auditioning them as room mates?! I’m going to go with Vampire (Mermaid as a second choice)

5. What is your MBTI type?  INFJ

6. What does your phone case look like? (Describe or post a pic) It’s black, no design. I’m so boring an practical!!!! I picked it out based on reviews, I drop my phone way to much.

7. What is your dream vacation? Camping, with people I like. Maybe a road trip out west.

8. Would you tell us a little about your current WIP? (writing, art, gifset, whatever the project!!) Working on a new vid, I’d let myself get stuck finishing one up, and realized maybe I needed a break from that one. It’s a SethKate one I’ve wanted to do ever since I heard the song, and I’m just going to do it. It’s not AU? That’s all the spoilers for now.

9. What is the best movie you’ve seen this year? I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE, BUT YES. Prospect was amazing, and does when that title! Runners up would be Priest, Crawl (I love disaster movies so much) and Knives Out.

10. What are your opinions on the child from The Mandalorian series? Really cute! I have only seen like 3 episodes, but I have seen all the gifs, (especially today 🤣) and look at the tiny adorable space baby with powers 🥰

11. What is your zodiac sign, and do you think it fits your personality? I am an Aquarius, I have no idea honestly. Maybe? Is there an official description I can read somewhere?

[taiblogcomics]

The Final Mission of the Suicide Squad

Hey there, excused princesses. Well... This is it. The culmination of eight years of reviewing. It's a new year, and it is also the very last issue of Suicide Squad.

From the resiliance of Yo-yo surviving inside King Shark, to the quotableness of the shark-man himself, to the terrible designs of Harley Quinn's outfits, to the road trip with Batman and Deadshot, to the oddly heroic spirituality of El Diablo, to the touchingly sweet relationship of Killer Croc and Enchantress, to Captain Boomerang who was also there... Boy, has it been a long and usually dumb ride. Not the road trip, though. The part where it was actually a ride was honestly pretty sweet. But yeah! This is our last issue. Will it go out with a bang, or more of a wet fart? Let's look and find out~

Here's the very last cover we'll ever see with these jerks on it:

The gang's all here! Honestly, a cool group shot is a great way to go out. I have no complaints, it's a cool cover. I just think there's a fun irony in "extra special anniversary issue" and it also being the last issue. Happy anniversary! For a gift, we got you cancellation!

So we open in the past with the Ghost Recon Squad, before they became zombie ghosts. Just in case you thought this was going to be a backstory to make them sympathetic, the whole thing is bathed in red lighting, and they're torturing Gulag of the Annihilation Brigade for information. Gulag spills the beans on the underwater base where the last issue took place. The Recon Boys head there to set up a trap of recording the Suicide Squad on camera and prove to the world they exist. Oh trust me, this is more of a trap for the viewers of said footage than the Squad itself, particularly Jared Leto's performance. Anyways, they open a secret vault and are transformed into the zombie ghosts.

Back in the present, the same power has infected Amanda Waller as well. She's less of a zombie ghost, though, and more of a Grey Hulk. And then her stomach opens up in a fiery maw, which is somehow both terrifying and ridiculous. She leans in and attempts to shove Rick Flag in her belly-mouth, which should give you some idea of how gigantic she is now. Fortunately for Rick, Harley suddenly appears and beats Waller in the face with her hammer, causing her to drop Rick. The pair regroup and swap an exposition dump about the Tunguska virus that's possessed Waller, then get the hell out of the room, just as Waller starts breathing fire.

The exposition doesn't stay confined to the one room, though. On the other hand, Cosmonut shows up to tank Waller's flame breath and make sure that stays confined. Seriously, it's a full page of plot details of more or less what we already know. At best, it at least gives me a specific issue number I can link to, which is at least nice for archive purposes. Otherwise, all this accomplishes is that Cosmonut gets killed while Harley yaks away. Alas, dear Cosmonut. He was exceedingly bizarre and out of place, and therefore was a fan favourite for me. Let us all raise a jar of Skippy in his honour~

Meanwhile, the Ghost Squad corners Captain Boomerang, who begs them to let him go and even offers to join them. Katana shows up and chops off the ghost's arms so Boomerang can get away. He's a ghost, though, so he just makes new arms out of fiery ectoplasm, and blasts Katana. Given that it's a magic cursed virus, this even hurts the souls in her magic sword. Ah, I love the sentences that comic books cause me to write sometimes. Deadshot also shows up and lays down some suppression fire so they can get away. The Ghost Squad opts not to give chase, figuring Waller will get them sooner or later. Finally, a lazy villain. That much I can relate to~

After a brief Stargate reference for no reason, they find a submarine. This also leads to a "Yellow Submarine" reference for no reason. I guess that's Boomerang's role now: Australian, coward, soiler of pants, thrower of boomerangs, spouter of pop culture references. Deadshot and Boomerang are all prepared to leave, but Katana insists that they have to stay to defeat the Tunguska virus-curse. Rick Flag and Harley join them, agreeing with Katana. This makes the vote 3-2, and they convince the others with simple logic: if Tunguska gets out, then everyone is doomed, including Deadshot's daughter. As for Boomerang, helping them is penance for killing Hack, and he sadly agrees to that. Deadshot also agrees, on the basis that his favourite film is The Wild Bunch. Well, whatever motivates you, I guess~

The underwater base breaks the surface, and the Ghost Squad prepares to go out and spread their virus among humanity. Whatever men they were are gone, though the one called Jones is still reluctant. Grier, however, is all gung-ho to be the apocalypse that dooms mankind. Once you're a zombie, might as well go all-in, I guess. It's at this point that Rick Flag finally actually learns that the zomblers here are made of his old squad, and he's horrified long enough to freeze and have them infect his arm. Deadshot pulls him back into cover, and tells him to snap out of it.

While those two are holding off the Ghost Patrol, the rest of the Squad is in the vault taking care of Tunguska's corpse. Katana's magic sword can parry the infection long enough for them to grab the body. And what is the purpose of the corpse? Well, remember the out-of-hand Stargate reference earlier? It's legitimately a Stargate, and they figure if they can get it open and chuck Tunguska inside, it'll cut the possession virus off at the source. Unfortunately, Monster Waller catches up with them and infects Harley with her flame breath, leaving the other two to drag the corpse.

Running out of both options and ammo, Rick Flag tries a new tactic. He gives up. He surrenders himself to the Ghost Squad and approaches them, where they gladly welcome him as a new infectee. After all, the Suicide Squad's supposed to be expendable, right? However, this turns out to be a ruse so he can get close enough to just deck them instead. And while that's going on, Katana and Boomerang manage to drag Tunguska's cadaver (the Tunguskadaver, if you will) to the dimensional door and force it open. Channeling her grief into her sword, Katana uses it as a beacon to lure the infection energy right to her.

Deadshot shows up, having abandoned Flag when Flag seemed like he was giving up. He helps Boomerang heft Tunguska into the Stargate. Of course, the powerful interdimensional vortex also catches Boomerang in its wake, and he's very nearly sucked into it himself. Deadshot, though, uses his particular talents of marksmanship to shoot the control console while still holding onto Boomerang, closing the gate and saving him. It's admittedly a cool, heroic moment, and it's nice that Deadshot gets one.

With Tunguska beyond the boundaries of this dimension, the infection dissipates. Waller and Harley return to normal, and even Killer Croc lumbers up, having avoided death in the previous issue. Harley gives a big thumbs up, since they've finally saved the world like Waller wanted. Waller, ever the grouch, chastises her, saying that being heroes once doesn't erase their past misdeeds. In fact, nothing will, and she tells them that no matter what they do, they're Suicide Squad for life--or death. No one leaves the Suicide Squad.

Except us! We, the readers, are leaving the Suicide Squad and moving on to better comics. And while a new Suicide Squad title is due to start up again next month, keep in mind how long this was on the back-burner for me. It’s actually been, like, a year since this issue originally came out. We’re only reviewing it now, but as an actual published work, Suicide Squad‘s been dead for a year or so. This very much is the final issue, as far as I’m concerned. Like, when the title briefly became New Suicide Squad, we knew that was happening, and it took over immediately enough to count as a continuous story. But for all intents and purposes, the Suicide Squad that I’ve been reviewing since 2011 is done, and I will not be checking out the new series. No thank you sir~

But as a final issue to all we’ve read before? This is honestly not that bad.It wraps up a story arc with a genuine world-saving hero moment, and dovetails a bunch of past arcs together. Surprisingly, for a book called Suicide Squad, they sure go out of the way to not have any of its members die in the last issue. Like, I’m very glad they didn’t kill off Killer Croc, I would have hated that. But it’s still very bizarre to have him suddenly turn up like “hey guys, I’m alive” when he hadn’t even been seen or mentioned in the preceding rest of the comic. It just seemed a little too “Saturday Morning” to me, if you know what I mean~

Don’t worry, though! This isn’t the end of Taiblog! I still have a good stack of ten or so Red Hood issues to get through before my backlog dries up completely. Even then, there’s still so much else I could do. I have other terrible New 52 comics we could review. Trust me, we’re not at a loss for terrible comics any time soon~

I’m just glad to have a finale that didn’t make me cry for once~

[margridarnauds]

A, F, G, M, S, T, V

THANKS AVERY. 

A. If you could rec a piece of music to accompany one of your fics, what would you pick? Why?

 Yakety Sax for Goosefic. 

Alright, seriously? It’s totally not like I have a playlist or something stored anywhere, because that would be insane, right? 

Illuminated by Hurts - Ah, Ça Ira. “Time waits for no one/So do you want to waste some time/Oh, oh, oh, oh/Tonight?” AKA “Ronan realizing that he might not make it back the next day and trying to get Laz to come to bed and reconcile with him, not necessarily because he wants to SLEEP with him, but because he wants his boyfriend there with him. “Swim with your sorrows/And try delusion for a while/It’s such a beautiful lie” Lazare frantically scribbling out his justifications on the paper, even though he has to KNOW that Artois’ going to abandon him and it’s going to be worthless. “Suddenly my eyes are open/Everything comes into focus/Blinding” GENERALLY I get Laz vibes from this line, with him gradually realizing how important Ronan is to him and that some part of him WANTS the new world that Ronan was, but the last few lines also work for Ronan’s (unstated, in-text, but there in canon) decision to charge in front of du Puget, realizing that he HAS to save Olympe from being orphaned like he was. 

Either Dream of Sky (Dancing Line OST) or Forbidden Friendship (HTTYD OST) - Le Cri. Both of them have that sort of tentative, new feeling where things start out so soft and with that kind of innocence but as time goes on, it becomes so much MORE. 

I’ve Seen Hell (North and South OST)/Ashes (Celine Dion) - Pour la Peine. I’ve Seen Hell is one of my go-to Period Drama songs, but I LOVE how it has that bleak feel while also not being COMPLETELY bleak and miserable, there’s that idea of PUSHING through in spite of it. And Ashes also kind of has a similar vibe, as far as openly asking how...there can be any GOOD after that kind of devastating tragedy (even though a part of me will always seen Ryan Reynolds doing interpretive dancing to it, tbh). Ashes is much more...RELIGIOUS in bent than Solène generally goes with, but I think it WORKS as far as that general feeling of despair and abandonment that she starts off with “Every word shot down in flames/What’s left to do/With these broken pieces on the floor?/I’m losing my voice/Calling on you” 

Wicked Game - Personally, I favor it for A Pressing Matter, though it really works for Peyronan in general. “What a wicked game/To make me feel this way/What a wicked thing to do/To make me dream of you” AKA “Peyrol’s ENTIRE thought process when he realizes that, against his own judgement, he’s gotten attached to Ronan and that that’s a MAJOR weakness. 

F. What stories are you planning for the future?

I have. So many WIPS that I’m DYING to release soon. One is very obviously the Fairy Tale AU, which I’m very pumped about. There’s the one that’s just called “Madame Roland is a Lesbian” that I’m excited for. At some point, I’m going to have to expand the Abomination and the Verse it encompasses, stretching from where we start off in the Beauce in 1777 to at LEAST the early 19th century, possibly into the 1840s. 

Between the Waves is going to get a LOT more added to its Verse, hopefully. I already have at least two WIPS that are partially finished and give a little bit more context to things that are happening in the next few chapters, one from Olympe’s perspective on the pre-canon events that stretches to the post, one from Artois’ on some of the events of PLP, and I either have an Afterlife AU, a Reincarnation AU, or both to wrap it up, possibly with us ending up where we began. (No, not on Marat’s printing press.) I’ve also toyed with fleshing out a little more about how Peyronan got to where we see them in A Pressing Matter, to round out the series. Either way, though, I do intend for this to end up being a VERSE, not necessarily just one or two stand-alones. There’s a lot that’s...going to pop up here or there that I INTEND at least to expand on. I rarely like to leave things HANGING like that. 

There’s also the Peasant Lazare AU which, even though it’s basically a laughing stock among my friends IRL at this point, is still very important to me and I’ve never fully given it up. 

I’m definitely going to expand the Ripples in the Rockpool Verse, HOPEFULLY dipping more into the historical events that are happening around this time and a little more on how the OT3 ended up where they get to be in Back on the Shore. 

There’s a Vampire AU that I’ve been toying with back and forth, and I STILL haven’t given up on The Zombie Apocalypse AU, though I’d like to focus on that one more when I have a fewer WIP count and I can more thoroughly outline it. Also @lehetsz-kiraly and I have toyed around with a Superhero AU that I would 100% like to see get off the ground, and I also am totally planning on toying with the TN crossover as time goes on. I obviously have no idea....WHEN or HOW, but it’s somewhere nebulously on my To-Do list. 

And, of course, the Disneyworld AU. One day, I will finish it. 

G. Where do you think you grew the most this year?

Honestly, I think the drabble challenge was a GREAT opportunity to throw myself into a variety of things that I NEVER would have considered before. I’ve gone from EXCLUSIVELY writing 1789 and Irish Mythology stuff to really working with anything that really vibes with me, which has been VERY exciting. And, between Le Cri, A Pressing Matter, and Back on the Shore, I’ve gotten several things that I’ve been talking about and tossing around for YEARS on the page and out there in some form or another. I’m still going to stick around 1789, of course, that’s still my BABY, but I really got the chance to work with a lot of things I’d have never normally have thrown myself into and had the chance to toy with my style in a way that I normally wouldn’t. 

M. Meta! Have any meta about a story you’re dying to throw out there?

Oh God, there’s ONE THING that I WANT to write the meta for but SPOILERS. That I don’t even know if it’s SPOILERS anymore. (I should honestly get into the habit of asking people “SO WHAT DO YOU THINK’S GOING TO HAPPEN NOW” like a thirteen year old who’s just uploaded their first Wattpad fic, but alas). But, since I’m working on PLP at the moment, have this: 

No, she gets no sleep tonight, her eyes locked on the bayonets as they gleam in the moonlight. She lays and waits and thinks.

Several hours later, a shot rings out in the dark. All the demons of Hell break loose, the only thought on Solène’s mind being that of another night, another volley of shots.

They mean to massacre them all.

The Queen has changed the King’s mind again and they will all be killed.

Every part of her knows it, screaming in her mind as they make their way for the Queen’s quarters, all else, all other thoughts disappearing.

A panicked voice asks them what they think they’re doing and another voice, she doesn’t know if it’s hers or one of the women with her, replies, “We’ll cut off her head, rip out her heart, fry her liver, and that won’t be the end of it!”

They are done with this, done with the queen, and they will take whatever they can get.

They have endured too much pain at this point to just curl up and die.

This wasn’t a fight they wanted to begin, but if it was a fight they needed to survive the night, they could give it to them.

They could give and give and give as they had always done, all of their lives.

A few guardsmen try to stop them, but they disappear beneath the wave of bodies flooding the palace. One of them breaks free, runs and pounds on the door, his bloodied hand staining the expensive, gilt wood as it slams against it before he’s tossed aside. “Save the Queen!”

A door slams ahead of them as they reach the room, the room itself is deserted, except for one woman who rushes in front of them all.

“I am the Queen!”

Solène recognizes the voice even before she can see her in the light of the torches, still wearing the clothing that she’d worn the night before, and she freezes.

So, for this section, I ripped a LOT from the historical record, as far as the threats the women made on the life of Marie Antoinette, the guard slamming on the door, the shot in the dark panicking the mob, BUT I also actually did look up at least one article on mob mentality to try to understand HOW someone would get involved with something like this. And the first thing I focused on was the INDIVIDUAL getting pushed aside in favor of the group. And the main way I ended up TRYING to get that to show through was in Solène’s reaction. 

At first, she starts off as a singular: “She lays and waits and thinks” “The only thought on Solène’s mind,” etc. But then, immediately AFTER that, as the panic sets in, she becomes a PLURAL, “They mean to massacre them all” “They will all be killed,” “they are done with this” “they have endured too much.” And it really reaches its height when they enter MA’s chambers, as she doesn’t even know WHO is speaking. It could’ve been her, it could’ve been the woman by her side, likewise with the guard who’s severely hurt (also, the “wave” of bodies, going back to the overall theme of water that’s there in PLP). She doesn’t know, because at this point, they’re one whole body acting out at the same time.  (There’s one brief point where Solène becomes a “her” again, but it’s only to say that her brain is NOT necessarily...its usual self, “all other thoughts disappearing,” which repeats what she’d also said when the shot first went off; she’s very much acting on INSTINCT here.) 

When does she become Solène again? When Olympe runs in front of her. She and Olympe are not a Thing per se, not at this point, even though Solène’s recognizing that she’s “a little bit in love with her,” but Solène does care enough for Olympe that she was able to be snapped out of it. In the chapter that I currently have sitting in my drafts and that SHOULD be published in the next day or so, there’s a bit where Olympe questions whether Solène would have continued on if she hadn’t been there. Solène says that she doesn’t know, because to HER this unlocked a part of herself that she didn’t really know was THERE, the kind of radicalism that she tends to associate with Ronan and the other revolutionaries (ESPECIALLY Maillard, who is kind of Ronan-By-Proxy here as a vanqueur of the Bastille who is ultimately ineffective when it comes to Solène’s complaints.) Personally? Even though I fully leave it up to interpretation, and everyone’s free to say “No, you’re wrong,” I wrote it with the idea that Solène probably would have done a Hell of a lot more harm had Olympe not been there. 

This is also fully intended as a parallel to Peyronan. (”NO, RACHEL, PEYRONAN ARE A THING? I HAD NO IDEA! THE SPOILERS!”) Both Peyrol and Solène had the same choice in this chapter, at its core: Their goal at hand, or the person they love. Peyrol let the army and his loyalty to the Monarchy get the better of him, Ronan ended up paying the price for it, and, as we see both at the funeral and at the trial at the beginning of the chapter...Laz is BROKEN by it. Solène doesn’t realize why he’s broken and even doubts that he is, because she doesn’t have the perspective, but...LOOK at him. He is not doing Well. He didn’t gain anything from what he did. In a snap-second decision, he chose his career and decades of indoctrination over Ronan, and he ended up losing both. Solène chose to break out of it and save Olympe, even if she was personally endangered by it. It doesn’t mean that one loved their person more than the other one, but it DOES mean that they get very different results. There’s a climb to the light for Laz as well, I’m not going to just...LEAVE him, but it’s going to be much, much longer than Solène’s. 

S. What’s the sexiest thing you wrote this year?

I’ll be honest: I know I have (2) Official Smut Fics to my name now, but I honestly don’t FEEL like anything I’ve written’s particularly SEXY so much as Describing Sex. This isn’t me being a Pretentious Literary Author who Does Not Write Porn, oh no; it’s that I genuinely don’t believe that what I write...qualifies as “sexy”. That being said, despite being only 100 words, “Honey Plunged Into Water” is probably the sexehiest. Which is hilarious because it’s also the kind of thing I would NEVER have written otherwise. There is one...unpublished fic for A Passage Through the Light that features Madame Roland/Marie-Anne that is....very, very gay and is probably honestly the sexiest thing I’ve ever written even without them actually doing the do. 

T. Themes, motherfucker, do you have them? What are they?

Earn Your Happy Ending, the question as far as the difference between society and what someone’s been conditioned to be like VS the individual, uncertainty, unease, that question of how much you really CAN know someone else, that general feeling of the calm before (or even during) the storm and how people can find intimacy then. There’s a lot of the gothic element there as far as the past, and the people who were THERE in the past, never really being...GONE from the narrative. Like, one way or another, they have the tendency to come back, whether it’s as a literal ghost or whether it’s just their skeleton buried underneath a tree somewhere. 

V. Which story was the most viscerally pleasing to write? Tell us your narrative kinks.

This is painfully predictable, but I THOROUGHLY enjoyed every second of writing Forgiveness. To this day, it’s probably the ONE piece of Peyronan stuff (besides Fowl Play!) that I’ve written where I’m, like, 95% happy with the final result, which is REMARKABLE for me. I really, really loved getting to WORK with their relationship and what makes it WORK at the heart of everything, the progression of it, the gradual increase in intimacy, the way they come to have that moment of “We’re in this one TOGETHER,” and an ending that’s HOPEFUL even though there’s still the ever-present promise of the Revolution in the background. All of that is a LOT of what I tend to like in my Peyronan to begin with, so it was really fantastic to just get that all out on the page. It’s one of those moments where I just want to gesture all over the page and go “THESE TWO LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH” even though they still have their bickering and their petty little moments. 

Another one that’s a WIP but that I feel’s far enough along to actually TALK about is the Fairy Tale AU (It has a name, but I tend to feel like announcing its name is jinxing it and I DO desperately want to get it out soon) and...it’s not my usual writing style, it’s not my usual way of doing things. There are some things that I do there that I wouldn’t necessarily do in a usual, realistic fic because it’s a FAIRY TALE that’s being given the 1789 treatment. It was really, really interesting to get to work with some of my favorite fairy tales, see some of the ways they’ve been told and retold throughout the years, especially looking for the ones that focus on commoner protagonists, elements of the gothic and dark fantasy mixed in there with the light. I’m not really that USED to getting to go wild, so it’s been a lot of fun to have one project where the research is less on the minutiae of 18th century life and more on...like....the similarities between the Italian and the Breton versions of The Travelling Companion folkstory. 

[beermanoftana]

1-100 for that ask game, answer them all

YOU! I like you.

1. What is your favourite television show from the 80′s?

Mork & Mindy for the early 80′s and The Golden Girls for the late 80′s.

2. Favourite television show from the early 2000′s?

Is The X-Files still counted?

3. Favourite television show from the 2010′s +?

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

4. Who is your favourite female television character of all time?

Eve French

5. Who is your favourite male television character of all time?

Thomas Magnum

6. Favourite television show of all time?

The X-Files

7. If you could watch one t.v. show for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

8. Favourite television soundtrack?

All Power Rangers opening theme songs

9. Favourite guest-star appearance on a television show?

Robin Williams in Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

10. Least favourite character on your favourite television show?

I cannot believe that I’m going to say this but I’m going with Bobbi Morse from Agents of SHIELD. Bobbi is not the Bobbi in that show. Completely destroyed. I love Bobbi, I really do. But in SHIELD? Nooooo.

11. Favourite character on your favourite television show?

Dana Scully from The X-Files if we’re going with favorite show.

12. Best cliff-hanger?

Even though the show wasn’t picked-up for a second season, I love the clff hanger of Flash Forward.

13. Saddest death scene?

Jo and Ellen Harvelle in Supernatural and Juliet Burke in Lost.

14. What television show would you like to be a regular on?

I’d love to be in Supernatural honestly.

15. What television show would you like to guest-star on?

I’m meant to be the main star.

16. A show that you hate to love?

That Walking Dead from season 1 to 5 (I hate the rest for real).

17. A show that you love to hate?

Arrow

18. Name an episode from a show that you will always remember?

That Teddy’s Treehouse episode from Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. Scarred me. Continuing to scar.

19. Name an episode from a show that you wish didn’t happen?

Beth’s death episode from The Walking Dead.

20. Spin-offs: yes or no?

Depends on the character/s.

21. A show that you started watching but then stopped? What was the reason?

I’ve watched a lot but I probably stopped after watching one episode already so I’ll go with The Walking Dead. First, Beth died. Second, they legit stopped making it about the walking dead. I understand that there are still baddies in a zombie apocalypse but really????

22. Name a show that means something to you, and why?

Agents of SHIELD. It’s the first show that made me realize “OMG. I love watching television shows.”

23. A show that you find relatable to your life?

Kahogo no Kahoko. DO YOU KNOW WHY??? She’s 21 (I’m 24 though, and I watched it just a few months ago) and very protected from the real world, is close to her mother and she fraternal twins in the end??? Something I’ve always wanted when I have kids???

24. A show that makes your cringe?

Can’t think of one right but I’m sure there’s something. Wait, let me think...Arrow.

25. Favourite television villian?

The Cigarette Smoking Man from The X-Files

26. A show that you will continue to re-watch over and over again?

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

27. Name a show that had the worst series finale, in your opinion?

Arrow. I don’t watch it but ew.

28. What is your favourite movie from the 80′s?

Ghostbusters II

29. Favourite movie from the 90′s?

Se7en and Clueless

30. Favourite movie from the early 2000′s?

13 Going on 30 and Harry Potter 1 & 2

31. Favourite movie from the 2010′s +?

INCEPTION

32. Favourite movie villian?

Norman Bates from Psycho

33. Who is your favourite male movie character of all time?

Oliver Wood from Harry Potter and Peter Pevensie from The Chronicles of Narnia

34. Who is your favourite female movie character of all time?

Ariadne from Inception

35. What is your favourite movie of all time?

Inception

36. Favourite director?

Christopher Nolan

37. Favourite series/saga/triology, etc.?

Harry Potter and The Chronicles of Narnia

38. What’s your favourite universe?

Harry Potter universe

39. Favourite comic-book movie?

Sky High??? Or Captain America: Civil War

40. What’s your favourite disney movie?

Brave

41. Favourite pixar movie?

Rise of the Guardians

42. What’s your favourite animated movie?

Is Christopher Robin counted?

43. Best voice-casting, in your opinion?

Lea Salonga as Jasmine and Mulan

44. Is there a movie that you could watch over and over again and not get tired?

Inception, Harry Potter 1 & 2, and The Chronicles of Narnia 1 (and a bit of 2 & 3)

45. Name a movie that made you cry uncontrollably?

Piglet’s Big Movie and Christopher Robin

46. A movie that had you laughing throughout it’s entirety?

Night at the Museum (all)

47. A preview/trailer of a movie you saw and thought “I HAVE to see that!”?

Joker

48. Rom-com’s or drama?

Rom-coms because drama makes me sad

49. Thriller’s or comedies?

Both, you cannot stop me

50. Horror or psychological?

Psychological horror

51. Your favourite book adaptation turned movie?

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe

52. Your favourite actor?

Liam Neeson

53. Favourite actress?

Amanda Seyfried

54. In your opinion, a well deserved Oscar win?

Liam Neeson

55. Favourite Oscar speech?

I haven’t watched many Oscars :(

56. Most memorable movie ending?

Inception

57. A movie death that shocked you?

Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s in Sin City 2: A Dame to Kill For

58. A movie you thought was going to be good, but wasn’t?

Oz: The Great and Powerful

59. Biggest Oscar upset, in your opinion?

Not sure :(

60. A movie you hated but everyone else loves?

Titanic

61. Do you cry during movies? 

YES

62. Do you prefer classic movies, or new movies?

New

63. In your opinion, the best character casting?

Ellen Page as Ariadne and William Moseley as Peter Pevensie

64. Think of a movie you really love, how many times have you seen it?

Inception

65. Do you like to re-watch movies you’ve seen before?

Yes

66. Have you ever been to a midnight screening of a movie?

No :(

67. Ever attended a movie premiere?

No :(

68. An actor you love that nails it in both television & film?

Robin Williams

69. An actress you love that nails it in both television & film?

Ellen Page

70. Why is your favourite movie, your favourite movie?

Because it’s so...just such a beautiful movie that is so underrated in a way that people don’t actually think about what’s happening.

71. Movies based on real life/facts or made-up stories?

Made-up

72. Your favourite movie genre?

Comedy

73. A movie that made you feel proud?

Smaller and Smaller Circles

74. A movie that scared you/made you paranoid?

Pretty much ever horror movie

75. An Indoor movie theatre or outside drive-in?

Indoor movie theatre

76. Are you a snacker/drinker during movies?

Candies and water or just a soda/flavored drink

77. Where abouts in a theatre do you prefer to sit (front, middle, back)?

Back

78. If you could have a role in any movie ever made, which movie would it be?

Ariadne

79. An underrated movie, in your opinion?

The Purge: Election Year

80. An overrated movie?

Divergent series

81. A movie you felt attached to after watching it?

Christopher Robin

82. A movie that was relatable to you and your life?

Dumplin’? I mean, I’ve got an “okay” body frame but the life story? Pretty much (minus Bo, there is no Bo)

83. Name a movie that made you go “wow” after watching it?

Inception

84. Action-packed movies or lots of dialogue?

Both, it’s hard to communicate without the other

85. Fantasy movies to normal life movies?

Depends on my mood

86. Have you ever walked out of a theatre mid-movie? What was the movie?

Nope

87. Tell us about your worst movie experience?

I was watching Into the Woods and OMG the person beside me just kept making fucking comments

88. Have you ever spoiled a movie for someone by accident?

I have been spoiled but I never spoiled

89. Ever spoiled a movie for someone on purpose?

Same answer as above

90. Tell us about a movie that made you feel all the feels?

Piglet’s Big Movie because he really tried and he did *I cry*

91. Pick a movie, any movie. Now tell us your favourite scene?

Anytime Peter says “For Narnia/For Aslan!”

92. What’s the perfect movie time/length? 

2 hours and maybe 20 mins

93. Do you get bored easily during movies?

Nope

94. The worst acting you’ve ever seen in a movie?

Wow. Probably almost every Filipinx actor trying to be cute or cool. I’m from the Philippines guys.

95. Can you think of a movie where one scene had ruined the whole thing?

Mmmm. Not that I can at the moment. Ah! Steve Trevor being alive again. I know it hasn’t happened but ugh.

96. Are you a “tommy texter” during movies, or a “shhh-ing susan”?

Definitely “shhh-ing susan”.

97. Think of a positive movie experience you will never forget?

Not exactly a movie experience but when I was 18, I got tickets for me ad my mom and the one manning the booth was like, “You have to be 16 to watch.” “Oh, I’m 18.” And then when we were entering the place itself, the guard asked “Ma’am, how old are you?” “I’m 18.”

98. A movie or performance you thought deserved an Oscar nomination?

Inception.

99. Best movie soundtrack?

Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed

100. A block-buster movie that deserved all of the hype & more? 

Inception

[eeveelutionsforequality]

Hey vape, i dunno if you have clinical anxiety specifically, but what do you do when you're feeling really anxious and it's out of control? I just had a pretty bad panic attack that lasted a few hours and I really thought I was gonna die because I felt like I couldn't breathe. My sister was around so I had an anchor this time, but what do i do when im alone? Sorry for dumping my problems on you, but you're the only person I know that would really understand my problem. Have a nice day :)

Don't feel like you have to apologize for asking for advice! You're not dumping your problems on me at all! I wouldn't say that I was okay with answering people's questions in regards to this sort of thing if I felt at all like I couldn't listen to people's problems!

I have phobias, OCD, generalized anxiety disorder, and a few other conditions that have it as a symptom, and how (or even if) I deal with it sort of depends on which is causing it and what sort of anxiety it is and why I'm anxious and what the circumstances are and all sorts of things.

Firstly though, have you been checked for asthma? I know that my anxiety is one of the worst triggers for my asthma, and a panic attack leading to an asthma attack creates this cycle of panic and breathlessness that really isn't good. I'd recommend just making sure of that, if you can.

If you're having a panic attack that affects your breathing, try to remove yourself from any sources of panic (for example, if it's an annoying but not dangerous or warning noise, like a ticking clock, cover your ears or go to another room) and just focus on getting your breathing in order.

At 8:05 in this video, the Anxiety character runs over a breathing exercise with Thomas that you can repeat to get your breathing in order: https://youtu.be/wr17Kq5bmtI

Also, I do recommend that entire series: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLYA7DZ_sbUzvB1l6KsO5LZV2rrk2u1xl4

While viewing parts of yourself as different, separate entities isn't necessarily good for you if taken to the extreme (in fact that can be detrimental), viewing a side of yourself as something with a more complex array of causal factors and a need for your care and compassion is actually really really helpful, and Thomas handles explaining things really tactfully (there's also quite a bit of advice scattered amidst various episodes about dealing with anxiety).

I saw a post on here about viewing your anxiety as something that's afraid and needs your love and calming, and I do try to view it somewhat like that - like, I try not to think of it as a corruption in my brain that's attacking me, but more like a part of me that's scared and that I need to care for and work to understand.

Because of my agoraphobia, being outside is really hard on my anxiety - everything in my head just becomes a fuzzy mush as soon as I step out of my front door, it's like a half-dissociated state where I feel like I'm mostly on auto-pilot because I'm too confused and stressed to really concentrate on anything that I'm doing, and sometimes I'll do really stupid things (like pick up entirely the wrong shopping) because I'm too inside my panicked thoughts to actually pay attention to what my body is doing. Other times I can get so panicked that I collapse when I'm outside.

If I'm at home alone and I get super anxious, irritable, or angry (or some combination therein) - I'll often put on really loud and really angry music, and work through the emotions in a daydream instead. Marilyn Manson has been my choice of artist over the last few days, but it varies... Combichrist, Angelspit, Aesthetic Perfection, Rammstein, Otep, Metallica, Mindless Self Indulgence, that sort of thing. I used to shut myself in this really small cupboard, but I've taken to just hiding under a duvet lately because that's way more comfortable and easier on the joints. Then I'll usually daydream about a scenario in which I can just violently beat on something to the music (zombie apocalypse, superhero battle, that sort of thing).

There's more kinds of anxiousness and more weird personal coping mechanisms that I have, but I don't particularly know how helpful those would be to talk about here, to be honest. Some of them (like the intensity of the daydreams because of MaDD, or the fact that I have DID so sometimes stress will trigger a switch) aren't so much implementable coping mechanisms as they are my brain just glitching itself into somehow working with its abysmal circuitry. Others of them (like if I'm trying to deal with the anxiousness from psychosis or intrusive thoughts) aren't always the healthiest or safest coping mechanisms.

I think if you're alone and having a panic attack, the first thing to do is to get away from any physical sources of anxiety and focus on getting your breathing back to normal. You won't die - try not to add those concerns to the already too large pile of worries.

Then, once your breathing is more steady and you can keep that up, try some grounding techniques - hugging a pet or a teddy bear, stroking the fur/material, repeating some positive affirmations ("It's going to be okay, I'm okay, I'm safe" sorts of things), and keeping your breathing steady. Counting something like beads on a bracelet can be really helpful.

If there's something that you have to deal with immediately, then get that over with as quickly as possible (for example, if there's a spider that's caused the panic attack, kill it, remove it, or cover it with a bowl/cup as quickly as you can). Then repeat any calming techniques as necessary.

If you like maths or a TV show or something, then there might be something else that you could say/do to distract and calm your mind - I sometimes do maths equations in my head if I feel an oncoming panic attack (for example, 1+1 is 2, 2+2 is 4, 4+4 is 8, 8+8 is 16, 16+16 is 32, and on and on in that pattern, because it's a progression that gets more difficult as it goes along so it eases me into being distracted), but some people might sing a song from their favourite video game, or repeat a particularly long quote that a favourite character says, or something like that.

After that, distractions can be good for a little while - watching a half an hour TV show, listening to music, playing a video game, or something that requires just enough concentration to keep you gripped but not enough to be a strain - don't rush yourself into trying to think and plan, just relax but don't give yourself space to overthink. I've also found that cleaning my teeth is good for that - I clench my jaw a lot when I'm panicking, so cleaning my teeth for a few minutes really helps with the pain that causes.

There's also learning mindfulness techniques - but that's a process, it's not something that you can necessarily just implement tomorrow. It's definitely worth researching and worth considering as a more long-term solution. Being able to neutrally observe emotions and situations, to listen to the worries in your mind non-judgmentally, and so on, can be really good for maintaining a calm state and for actually tackling some of the causes of the panic.

Similarly, talking to a professional is an important long-term solution.

A warm drink also really helps me after the panic has died down - preferably something without caffeine and with marshmallows.

I know some people who've decorated little shoeboxes with wrapping paper and filled them with calming and comforting objects - textures that help with grounding, fond memories in photograph form, cute toys or teddies, positive quotes, or whatever helps them feel good. When they're anxious, they go to the shoebox and look through it for a little while until they feel better.

Honestly though, there are times when it just kind of feels like I have to remind myself that the panic won't last forever, and wait it out, and then work on getting myself back together after it's over - if I keep trying to fight it and worrying about it, then that only adds more strain. The music really helps with that, with just kind of accepting that I'm feeling things and that I'm going to feel them for a bit, but then they're going to go away and I can get up and have a warm drink and watch some mindless TV and start to feel like myself again.

I know that some people are helped by phoning a loved one and talking it through with them - but since phone calls themselves can be a source of anxiety (they are for me, given all of my issues with my voice and speaking at all), I don't know how effective that would be for you.

I hope that there was something in there that helped! I've been awake for about twenty-two hours now, and I've barely had any sleep for the last few nights, so I'm sorry if exhaustion means that I'm not at my best lately.

~ Vape

[unplacedpodcast]

Chapter Three: Transient (Script)

Chapter three script below! Spoilers ahead: 

(ding of audio recording starting)

NARRATOR: There are a lot of downsides to being invisible, but one upside is that I can creep on as many awkward first dates as I want to and nobody knows. I'm not saying I'm an expert at social interaction by any means, but some of these are just bad.

This one bar I've been people-watching at, I saw the same two people there twice, and both times the guy was wearing this raggedy-ass hoodie that looked like he'd slept in it. Come to think of it, I’m pretty sure he was wearing the exact same outfit both times. I mean, personality counts, but put a little bit of effort in, right? He didn't exactly have it going on in the personality department either...he kept rambling about his ex and went through three well whiskies in an hour.

Anyways. Here's your regular update from the land of invisibility: I'm doing...okay, I guess. That whole experience with my mom…that was rough. It’s been a few weeks, so it stings a little less. We had our differences, but obviously, I loved her, and - I don’t know. She’s not having to deal with the pain of losing a child, I guess, which is good for her, but adds another layer to what I have to deal with. Grieving someone who doesn’t even remember you exist is…rough.

The apartment is officially not mine any more, but I was able to salvage some of the really important things. Basically, what I have is what I can carry on me at any given moment - so I have my computer, my phone, some clothes, a few other things. It’s like that whole minimalist backpacker trend, except I’m not doing it because I’m an annoying white guy with an urge to travel.

I do have a few things, like my wallet, out of sheer habit, but they're pretty much useless. Nobody asks for ID when they can't see you, and my cards stopped working a week or two after all of this started. I did manage to withdraw most of my money before they entirely stopped working, but again: you can't give cash to people who can't see or hear you.

Sometimes, I leave it at stores when I take things, especially the mom and pop stores or indie-type places. Even then, it's always a gamble, because there's no guarantee someone working there is going to see the money before some opportunistic bozo does and pockets it. There’s also not any guarantee that the person who sees it who does work there is actually going to put it back into the business instead of pocketing it.

We never covered this in my philosophy 101 class: If you physically can't pay the person you should be paying, and the best you can do is leave a few bills lying around, do you have an ethical obligation to do so, or is that just a futile attempt to soothe your own conscience?

If cash falls in the woods and nobody's around to pick it up, is it still money?

(sighs) Who would have known that being invisible would present you with a new existential crisis every day? I mean...probably anyone who thought about it, but I hadn't thought about it. Have you?

If you had asked me ahead of time, I would have...honestly, I probably would have said it wouldn't have bothered me that much. Honestly, I never felt like people really saw me, just their own assumption-filtered version of me - in a way, this is like having my metaphorical, emo headcanon made literal.

People make me nervous. Being around people makes me nervous. Before all of this happened, I mostly just wanted to be left alone to do my job, hang out with my friends - the very few people who don't make me get sweaty palms just from a casual conversation. Maybe meet a nice girl, settle down...I didn't want to be completely invisible, but I didn't want to be hypervisible, either. I just wanted to be left alone, to navigate my life with the least amount of confrontation possible.

That moment of confrontation has always been my kryptonite, the thing that makes my heart pound. It's probably silly - as a species, we used to fight mammoths or whatever, that's what those responses are supposed to be for. It always feels silly, anyways. I know it's a real chemical reaction, but when all you have to do is stand up for yourself, or someone else, or just say something, anything, and you can't, because your mouth is dry and your throat keeps closing and your hands are shaking...you feel like a coward.

What I used to do when that happened was sneak off, get a moment alone, and talk to myself, record it, and then delete the recording when I calmed down. Or sometimes, not delete it. Having those audio diaries, from times when I felt like nothing was in my control, and being able to look back through them and realize I came out of every situation okay - it was a surprisingly effective security blanket.

That's all really off topic as far as what it's like living in these united invisible states of America, though. So let's get back to that, since that's what you listeners are here for - juicy supernatural survivalist tips, or whatever. Here’s what I’ve learned so far:

Tip one: If nobody can see you, you can crash wherever you want. Staying at a hotel requires a little sneakiness. I had to creep on the staff to see how they code the keycard for each room and copy that, but once you get the hang of it, you can pretty much hole up wherever. I've been camped out in this swanky five star place, which would probably be better if I could get room service, but it could definitely be a hell of a lot worse.

Tip two: Keep a go bag. The real survivalist nuts out there already know this one. Zombie apocalypse fantasies aside aside, a go bag is crucial for when the hotel room you're staying in gets booked and the (very baffled) maids come in to do the room check, only to find a much dirtier room than there should be. So far, I haven’t lost any of my stuff, but I did have to do a real quick scramble the first time that happened. After going through the Great Apartment Purge of 2017, I don't want to lose the few belongings I do have left.

Tip three: Be careful about where you get your food from - at least, if you have a conscience. After while of living off of premade food or whatever I could cook in hotel kitchenettes, I decided I wanted something fancier, and snuck into a restaurant. I mean, I didn't really sneak in, because that would imply I was concerned about people seeing me, which is pretty much a non-issue. But I digress. I went into the kitchen, creeped around until I saw a plate full of food that looked tasty, and snagged it. What I did not think about was the server getting screamed at by the angry person who didn't get their food. When nobody is interacting with you, it's easy to space out on how your actions are going to impact them.

That's...all the tips I have right now. There aren't all that many actionable takeaways from being an invisible half-ghost person, or whatever.

Actually, that reminds me - I had a theory that I wanted to test, and since I’m already recording, this is the perfect time to do it. Time for a field trip!

(sounds of the phone fumbling, recording ding as it goes off, then the recording dings on again with the sound of new-agey bell-chime music in the background)

When I made that crack about being a half-ghost, it reminded me that I wanted to see what an actual psychic would make of this business. So...here I am, in a medium's waiting room. I looked this lady up on Yelp and she's supposedly pretty legit, as far as psychics go. The last thing I want to do is freak out some poor unsuspecting client of her's, so I've been just hanging out until she's client-free. And...let's give this a go. She's standing over there behind the counter, scrolling through Instagram - I'm walking up to her

(noise of the phone moving, sound of footsteps)

NARRATOR: (to woman, slightly muffled since she's not speaking directly into the phone) HEY. Hey. Can you hear me?

(speaking into the phone again) And...yeah. Nothing. I'm over here talking to her, waving a hand in her face, I'll

(noise of things moving around on a glass countertop, muffled noise of fabric brushing)

(sighs) Yeah. I moved some crystals around on her counter, I poked her in the shoulder - nothing. So much for any extra sensory perception going on around these parts. Maybe I'll try another place, later, and see if they're any better at (makes "spooky" voice) perceiving the invisible.

Whatever.

(ding of door bell as she walks out onto the street, background noise of being on a busy street and then descending underground into a subway station as she talks)

For now, it's back to the hotel. Another fruitless experiment in my “what the ever-loving hell is going on" series. It's just so frustrating, you know?

If I knew what was going on, I think it would be a little easier to cope with. But instead, it’s all one big mystery, which is just...annoying. I'm glad there seem to be consistent rules that I can test and figure out, but I wish I knew if this was like, a magic thing, or a gamma radiation thing, or what.

Gamma radiation, there's a thought. Too bad this doesn't come with superpowers.

(sound of a subway door opening and/or a stop being called in the background)

Oh well. It could be worse. At least I've got a fancy hotel to crash at. And this car is fairly empty, so I don't have to worry about someone trying to walk through me, again.

(sighs) An upgrade in living accommodations might be an upside to this whole scenario, but the public transportation experience leaves a lot to be desired.

(a few seconds of silence w/background noise, then the noise of the subway door opening and people moving)

I guess that's just - wait. What the...this guy just got on and he...there's this thing on him...it's all over his back, it's on his shoulders, it's - I think it’s stuck in his head. Hold on, I’m going to get closer.

(sound of footsteps)

Sir? HELLO? Yeah, of course you can’t hear me, but I thought you might want to know you’ve got a freakin’ brain leech stuck in the back of your head getting a free ride. Maybe if I…

(sound of her touching/shaking him)

Oh shit. The thing - it's...it's moving...oh my god, I think it can see me. Holy f-

(audio recording cuts off suddenly)

[seenashwrite]

Hey! So I'm finally writing a fic, and it's gonna be pretty long (from how it's been going XD). SO I was wondering when it's time to make it a 2 part series, and when I should stop part one. Because I honestly do not know what's a really good cliffhanger and what's just bad. Thanks for reading!!!!!!!

I have no idea when you wrote this, sweets, and Imma answer even though I caution I’m still stumbling into recovery from that case of the zombies I contracted. 

So. Ooof. Cliffhangers. Well.  I mean, they don’t…… the whole….. y’know, the BOOOOOM!! and/or GAAAASP!! type of thing….. I just..... yeah, I can’t be completely diplomatic about this topic. For ol’ Nash, here, I gotta say:

99% of cliffhangers suck it big time.

So, okay, PICTURE IT: we’re winding down to the end of a given chunk of the story [or the TV show’s season finale, or the movie, whatevs] and I’ve successfully imagined myself in the scenario, that protagonist O.C. character or reader insert is speaking to me, I’m tracking with the plot, I’m sold baby, I AM ALL THE WAY FREAKIN’ IN, ergo in that scene…..

….I’m on the second floor of an abandoned house, I’m a little impatient, maybe a touch nervous or annoyed, and every time I fidget, rock back on my heels, the weathered floorboards under the threadbare carpet creak, and now on top of everything I’d swear I just heard the click of the doorknob echo down the hallway, only I know Sam’s way out in the backyard and Dean should still be out front grabbing more shells from the car, so I gasp and shudder and my eyes go wide as I’m frozen to the spot, watching that knob on the door not but a hop-skip away from me turn, aaaaaaand CUT TO BLACK.

Hmmmm.

See, the problem cutting off with something like that - y'know, inferring there’s gonna be some legit cliff plummeting jazz - is I’m not gonna buy it. I’m just not. Because (a) you ain’t gonna kill me/my character, and (b) you ain’t killing Sam and/or Dean.

Unless you ARE, in which case? Don’t even go within the realm of cliffhanger, stick with pure drama genre, and keep it to a one-and-done vs. series, otherwise it comes off as…. I don’t even know the word…. Flippant? Gimmicky?  

Specifically what I mean, and I’ll use the visual medium as example: the garbage of ending a given season - or “series”, depending on your locale - of a show [that we’re all well aware is renewed] or a movie [that we’re all well aware is part of a triology/“universe”, and/or is based off of a book series/comics] with a faux death, it’s just—–

Pardon me for a sec.

[Reaches into the always-stocked water balloon basket that lives in a corner of the front porch of The NashHole©℗™, just behind the swing; picks up a real nice fatty; launches in direction of window; lands with a beautiful splat]

Apologies, I’m having a helluva time waving down the interns to refill my iced tea, and Cas, my non-dead angel buddy who’s sitting beside me, wants another unicorn frappucino, because he’s not dead, no one ever believed he was dead, of course he wasn’t dead, and we’ve been out here swaying in the breeze, adding to the ever-growing list of ways that S12 could’ve ended without cheap deaths [cough Crowley], without poorly implied deaths [cough Mary], and without completely transparently faux deaths [cough Cas], and just have been, y'know, *better*.

Cliffhangers-that-ain’t are frustrating, and it immediately cuts me down to 50/50 in terms of if I’ll continue on watching, or - for the present topic - reading. This is a MAJOR reason why - in fanfic land - I don’t care for most episode/season re-writes [I’ve perused lots of them; only 2 or 3 have made The Nail].  Why? Most rehash what I/we already know, just painting over it with the brush of the author’s watercolor personal desires, no spin or creative angle taken. It’s that whole thing of them trying to craft suspense where there is none. I know where this road leads. I walked that road with the author when I saw the ep, and not just me, about 2+ million of us. Or more, I don’t keep up with ratings.

[Psssst….. anyone curious as to how to do this “right”, RE: being inventive & not simply re-hashing — please do see the offerings at “How It Should’ve Ended”; more recent ones that tickled me have been WW and Jurassic World and Rogue One and X-Men: Apocalypse]

So, that’s Nash Cliffhanger Advisement #1: I’ve no doubt it can be done well, even though I can’t think of an occasion where I’ve seen it & not been at least partially eye-rolly about it. I’m also having no doubt that:

(A) If you do wanna give it a whirl, probs shouldn’t be done on every part because that’ll get old; and

(B) A sure thing would be to keep it to a single story if you’re looking to shock, don’t drag it out - I’d rather have a 10K one-shot that delivers on drama than a bunch of filler added to it for the sake of trying [and potentially failing] to make it suspenseful by expanding it into a series.  #Fic Wreck 

Speaking of those, mild confession time. There exists a folder, filled with tales that wrecked me, ones I caught on my dash or were sent to me or I was tagged in, that have >100 notes, some in the near-thousands count, which were so bad I hurt myself laughing. I proceeded to cut-and-paste the most heinous parts into a document, all so that when I have those times when I’m beating myself up over nit-picky sh*t in my stories & need a break, I go to Fic Wrecks©℗™, and I laugh, and I remind myself Hey, Nash, pump the brakes, people are pretty f*cking forgiving, apparently. 

This might make me a bitch. I also have a doc full of reader feedback on my stuff, both good and bad, which I read when I need a reminder of what works, what hasn’t, and that more often than not, a tidy chunk of people dig what I write. This might make me a mechabitch. I’m sleeping alright.

I bring this up to lead into Nash Cliffhanger Advisement #2 : Check out other stuff.

I know, this is in direct contrast to my writer’s block advice, part of which was to *not* read.  In this case, there’s not block; for me,this is more to the editing end of things. I’m not concerned with an accidental “lift” or “light bulb” that piggybacks off of someone else’s plot/spin/thing because at this point, I’m assuming it’s all fleshed out, you know where the story’s going, any twists/mysteries have been accounted for, etc.

Revisit fanfic that you’ve read that had more than one part, preferably ones whose plots you still remember fairly well so that you can scroll right to the bottom of part 1, read the last couple paragraphs, then hit the first bit of part 2, scroll to bottom, and so on.  

Do you tag your own stuff, like with #fic rec, perhaps?  If not, lots of peeps do - this seems to be a suuuuuper common tag, at least, that I’ve seen.  Go cruise some blogs you like, see if that pops any small multi-parters for you to check out.  

Or, think on book series. Looking back, having read the whole shebang, do you ever think “Jeez, why did the author cut it off there, then pick it up here?” And then another view to take, how’s that have been made into movies? Then ask yourself “Why did the movie-makers choose to cut it there and have the next movie pick up here?” 

I have no idea what you’ve read and then if you’ve gone on to watch their visual counterparts, but here’s a handful off the top of my head....

Narnia

Hunger Games

Lord of the Rings/Hobbit

50 Shades

Harry Potter

Twilight

Divergent

Maze Runner

Basically, in your mind, could they have done it better or did they nail it?

And speaking of nailing it, going back to the written word, thumb through the series/multi-parters on The Nail - remember, 99% of the time I’m not reading series on there in their entirety due to time restraints, so I can’t attest to them having pitch-perfect cap-offs to each of their chapters, but if they made the list?  Well, y'all know how anal-retentive I am - the author’s doing more than a few things above-average, so I’d hedge my bets that they’ve got a good grasp on ending chapters with engagement & enticement.    

And that’s where I personally aim when it comes to my chapters, whether it’s the novel-like Top of the World or my mini-series that have made the rounds here. I want the audience to (1) be engaged to the point that the end of that part kinda snuck up on ‘em, and (2) be enticed to carry on reading when the next part is posted. 

I looked back at the aforementioned works, at how I was capping off, and seems I tend to end in the midst of someone/a group pondering over something, or planning something, then I tend to [not always! but tend to] kick off the next part NOT in the midst of that exact same something. As in - different characters, or it’s the next day, or a new setting. I’d give examples but…. spoilers & such, y’know. [wink]  

Hope that helps. My iced tea has arrived. Til we meet again…. 

[heysnowflake]

Oh boy...

I do these types of ‘questions blogs’ every once in a blue moon as they’re interesting to read back on and cringe over. Without further ado, let’s embarrass myself further 

1. What was the last thing you googled?

I googled ‘questions tumblr’ to find these questions but if that doesn’t count, I googled ‘snowfall’ in google images 

2. You have to listen to these songs:

Shadowland- The Lion King Broadway OST

and whilst we’re talking about The Lion King

The Circle Of Life- The Lion King OST

As The World Falls Down- Labyrinth OST

Within You- Labyrinth OST

In A Crowd of Thousands- Anastasia Broadway OST

I’m Still Standing- Elton John

For A Moment- The Little Mermaid 2 OST

Be Somebody- Paula Cole

The Handler- Muse

Mambo No.5- Lou Bega

I Like It Heavy- Halestorm

Thunderstruck- AC/DC

A Dream Worth Keeping- Sheena Easton

Sandy’s Song- Crimson Doves

What You Feel- Once More With Feeling OST (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

In The End- Black Veil Brides

and just to add even more to the list, I’m going to add scores as well as I listen to movie and game scores just as much as I do songs, if not more (also piano pieces)

Harry In Winter- Goblet of Fire OST

Paintings On The Wall- Layers of Fear OST

Waterfall- Undertale OST

Transformation (Piano)- Beauty and the Beast OST

One Day- Pirates of the Caribbean OST

The Nightmare’s Beginning (Piano)- Final Fantasy 7 OST

Swan Lake- Tchaikovsky

Now We Are Free- Gladiator OST

Song of the Stream (Piano)- FIrefly

Fairy Dance- Peter Pan (2003) OST

Basically every piece from the Abzu OST

Aslan’s Camp- The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe OST

Okay, okay, okay, if I name any more, I’ll bore both you and myself to death. But hey, you can’t say I haven’t given you a solid list to both listen to whilst also completely judging me based on my taste of music 

3. Do you chew on your straws?

Depends on the day

4. Have you ever been awake for 48hours straight?

Pffftttt I’ve been up for 62

5. Will you get married? Do you see yourself getting married in the next 5 years?

Absolutely! As for the next five years, I highly doubt it :P 

6. If you could move somewhere else would you?

Yeah. For sure. Though I would miss being two minutes away from the beach

7. Read on a Kindle or paperback book?

A paperback every time, if I can

8. If money was no object, what would you do all day?

Yo mAM- no. Disneyland. All day. Everyday of my life. 

9. University or life experience, which do you feel best prepares you for life?

LIFE EXPERIENCE, I can’t stress that enough. However, I do find that, if you do particular courses at Uni, it can be highly beneficial also. For example, Business Management

10. What is the one thing that should be taught in school that isn’t already?

General Life Skills. It still baffles me that this isn’t a compulsory subject from day one of secondary school, let alone not being taught at all. 

11. If you could go back in time, what year would you travel to?

1743 to see if I can find Jamie Fraser 

12. When you have 30 minutes of free-time, how do you pass the time?

Writing, composing on the piano or reading 

13. What’s the best/worst gift you’ve ever given/received?

Assuming we’re talking about physical gifts, it would have to be either the personalised Harry Potter letter that my best friend made for me who also played Hedwig’s theme as I opened the envelope (quite the magical moment), or it would be the envelope my dad gave to me, inside of which was the confirmation letter to my very own dog business that I’ve been dreaming about for as long as I can remember. It was made even more special as he combined my first two dogs’ names to make the business name. 

14. What was the first thing you bought with your own money?

I imagine it was a Freddo, back when they were the reasonable price of 5p and not the ridiculous 25p that they are now

15. What would your parents be surprised to learn about you?

There really isn’t anything my parents don’t know, to be honest. I’ve always been extremely open with them.Bit of a boring answer, I know, but I literally can’t think of anything my parents don’t know.... well anything I can say on here anyway ;)

16. Apologize or ask permission?

... eh?

17. Beach vacation or European vacation?

Europe!

18. What is the ideal number of people to have over on a Friday night?

One. My best friend. Don’t need anyone else. 

19. Who is a non-politician you wish would run for office?

THE ROCK!!!

20. If you could have any superpower, what would it be?

Telekinesis, hands down!!!

21. What do you usually think about right before falling asleep?

My fantasy romance scenarios playing over and over in my head, the face changing on whoever I’m ‘crushing on’ at that time

22. Ever been addicted to a iOS/android game? Which one(s)?

Where the fuck do I begin? Disney Magic Kingdom, Dragon City. My Singing Monsters, Pyramid Solitaire, Candy Crush Saga, Piano Tiles 2, Angry Birds, Angry Birds Go, Hearthstone (I’m aware it’s a  Battle.net game and didn’t come onto iOS until much later, I just preferred playing it on my phone ssshhhh)

23. List 5 goals on your life’s to-do list:

1. Go to Disneyland in Florida, 2. Buy my own Newfoundland puppy, 3. Eventually grow my dog business that I have the domain name for, 4. Move in with my best friend, and 5. Publishing my own book would be pretty neat

24. If you HAD to change your name, what would you change it to?

I have two in mind that I can’t decide on. Crysta (from FernGully, one of my all time favourite films) or Odette (from Swan Princess/Swan Lake). Fun fact: these are also the names I have picked out for a baby girl, if I were to ever have one 

25. What is one thing you will never do again?

Read Fifty Shades of Grey

26. What words of wisdom would you pass onto your childhood self?

Being ‘cool’ in secondary school literally doesn’t mean anything, the adults weren’t lying about that one. 

I know your temper is out of control now but eventually you’ll see the light and change your ways for the better as you reach your 13th birthday.

Never stop believing in magic, it makes the world more wonderful. 

That girl Ellie? Hold onto that one because she’ll become the bestest friend you could have ever dreamed of. 

Speaking of dreams, write those down. 

Those stories you’re thinking up in your mind, write those down too. 

Most importantly, have courage and be kind. Also, say ‘fuck it’ to decisions most of the time, they make for the best memories. 

27. If you could speak another language, which would it be and why?

French, easily. I can already read and write Ancient Runes though, does that count?

28. If you were head of a major TV station for one day, what would you play?

Spongebob Squarepants 24/7

29. Which one of your friends would make the best U.S. President and why?

I like how you think I have more than one friend 

30. What’s your favorite holiday and why?

Christmas because everyone turns into a little kid again

31. How would you survive a zombie apocalypse?

I wouldn’t 

32. In what ways are you the same as your childhood self?

I watch and irrevocably love Disney. I think Spongebob Squarepants is quality content. I still order my pieces of a chocolate bar by size... honestly the question is ‘in what ways am I different from my childhood self?’

33. If you could master one skill you don’t have right now, what would it be?

Painting

34. What was your dream job growing up?

Working with, caring for and training dogs. Spoiler: dreams do come true :) 

35. If you could live forever, how would you spend eternity?

Reading

36. If you could bring one musician back from the dead, who would it be and why?

Freddie Mercury because good lord, the man had talent and could everything from rock to opera. One of the best voices to have ever graced this earth

37. What was the last picture you took with your phone?

A picture of one of the dogs I look after, his name is Maxwell and I want to steal him 

38. What kind of sickness have you lied about so you wouldn’t go to work?

Not exactly a sickness but menstrual cramps. It’s a great excuse because it makes the men uncomfortable and women are completely and 100% sympathetic of you 

39. What was the last lie you told?

‘I wasn’t watching Tinker Bell, it just flicked onto that channel when you turned the TV on’

40. What is your perfect pizza?

Pepperoni with extra cheese

41. What question do you hate to answer?

Questions that are like ‘if you could one thing about yourself’ or ‘if you could change one thing in your past’ etc. because I just wouldn’t

42. What keys on a keyboard do you not use?

On a computer keyboard, the function key because who uses that? XD 

43. Who would you most like to be stuck in an elevator with?

Russell Howard so that not a single moment would be dull and plus, he’s easy on the eyes

44. Is there anything purple within 10 feet of you? What is it?

A purple candle next to ONE of my series of the Harry Potter books

45. When was the last time you ran/went for a jog?

I don’t like this question because i can’t remember and, even if I did, it probably involved food 

46. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?

No :(

47. What after school activities did you do in high school?

I did art club in primary school. Then, in secondary school, I didn’t really join any clubs but I did used to love sneaking into the music room and playing on the piano 

48. What ice-cream flavours do you love/hate?

Love Vanilla and I don’t necessarily hate it but I’m not the biggest fan of chocolate 

49. What is your secret recipe?

For scrambled eggs, I put paprika and other assorted spices in it. For pasta, I cook it with a little bit of chicken stock mixed into the water 

50. What channels do you have subscribed on YouTube?

I CAN’T NAME ALL OF THEM!!! XD to name a few favs (which probably won’t surprise anyone), jacksepticeye, Markiplier, Dan and Phil Games, Dan and Phil’s separate channels, CalikoKat, Glam&Gore, Jenna Marbles, Carrie Hope Fletcher, Matthew Hussey- they’re the main people I watch

[sobdasha]

booking continued!!

All Systems Red (Murderbot Diaries), Martha Wells This book was exactly as advertised to me (with two choice pics of pages as quotes), except better. If you, like me, identify with robots and A.I. because you are salty and ace and hate people and being social and would rather just sit around binging Netflix, Murderbot gets you. My only sadness is that the library doesn't have the second book, so for the sake of Not Having Really Weird Preconceived Notions (I inevitably started reading a lot of series as a child from the second book and not being able to get my hands on the first book until much later in the series, and let me tell you, it's just…it's never quite the same after……) I stopped reading after #1. But it's pretty clear I won't regret buying these even without a pre-read so it's only a matter of time. (I am holding out for now for possible omnibus, tho)

The Broken Earth Trilogy, N. K. Jemisin Honestly I put this trilogy on my to-buy list before I even finished the first book, and I stand by that decision. I marathoned these very heavily, partly because my library holds all came in at the same time and suddenly I had like 5 books in the house that I needed to read because I couldn't renew them and there were a lot of people after me so I'd have to wait forever for another chance, but mostly because they were very engaging and I had a hard time putting them down! Or else an easy time just……not……pausing… I'm doing these very belatedly so I've read more of Jemisin's stuff and I think part of what is so compelling is first of all, the writing style is beautiful and gorgeous and exactly what I look for in a story. And second of all, it reminds me of all the good things about fanfic. I'm invested in all of the characters, complex and shitty as they are, except for the ones who aren't getting any redemption and are fair game for hate. The writing style is "current" (I didn't realize this was such a thing, but as I'm reading more I'm realizing I've gotten very accustomed to a certain flavor in writing, which older works do not have, having as they do their own current-at-the-time trends that I have not submerged myself in. There's stuff I grew up with that feels ~classic~ to me, but there's plenty of stuff that just does not). Present tense for the win. Jemisin throws in things like "We started out hating each other but now we've married the same husband together so I guess we're emotional support spouses to each other who don't like to have sex together but each greatly enjoy watching our husband lay the other spouse aaaaand we're all raising a baby together??" and "This doctor seemed like a perfectly adult young man until I realized he's pining for me and I'm in my 40s and he's 15 years my junior which makes him basically a baby uggghhhhh but also the world is ending and I'm tired and I shouldn't but oh well I gave in and slept with this in-his-late-20s baby" and I love it???? I am WELL KNOWN for not being here for sex or romance but like this…is intimacy…so I've been won over. Also I fell in love the instant that Jemisin dropped into second person pov, because second person is ~amazing~ when it's done properly and Jemisin not only knows that but she's a master. (I will confess, I cried betrayal towards the end of the first book when it was revealed that the second person was actually first-person-in-disguise. BUT LET ME TELL YOU, I was so wrong to feel betrayed. This wasn't a cheap "fooled you" trick, this was Jemisin wielding the tools of writing to the absolute fullest of her ability to weave the tightest possible narrative and it pays off. Let me go find a hat so I can take it off to Jemisin.) The last page of the first book tho!!!!!!!!! *Clock Town theme suddenly starts playing* I died but it was so worth it. Also it should tell you how amazing Jemisin's writing is that I, who am usually just here for escapism, who doesn't want books that are Too Real (unless they're also funny so they're hilarious in addition to being painful) or too grimdark and gritty in content, loved these books and couldn't put them down. They weren't self-indulgently dark, they were dark for a reason, but they weren't humorous and there's racism and slavery and rape and other atrocities in abundance and you figure out pretty quickly "anyone who lives to the end will have to be counted as an optimistic, happy ending for relative values of 'optimistic' and 'happy' and I'm honestly not sure how many characters will make it that far." But I want to read them over and over again and I want to strongly recommend them to all of you!

The City in the Middle of the Night, Charlie Jane Anders I don't know how I feel about this one? I think for me this one would benefit from a reread, to see if that makes it feel any stronger as a narrative. And also because it was kind of a perfect storm of having: a writing style/tone I didn't care for, especially coming off of the Broken Earth trilogy that was to me Peak Writing Style, I misjudged the entire plot from the summary on the back and spent the whole time going wtf. With this one, I did not have that can't-put-it-down urge. I wasn't unhappy when I was reading it, but I also didn't crave to pick it up and sit down for a while with it. I wasn't terribly invested in any of the characters, even though Sophie is the sort of YA heroine I would have appreciated reading in earlier years (think The Woman in the Wall, which I remember only vaguely but very persistently where the heroine nopes out of life, becomes a hermit in the house crawlspace, and when told she has to go to a costume party she's like "I'll be a moth because that is what my soul is" and gets presented with a letter-of-the-law lime-green luna moth costume and is like "THIS IS THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF WHAT I WANTED.") A pet peeve in this book: for absolutely no reason that I personally can see, the story is immediately framed as being A Very Factual Account From Sources. The reason it's a pet peeve to me is that when you try to logic out why disbelief should be suspended in a narrative…it automatically kills my suspension by calling attention to exactly why the narrative doesn't make any sense, plus the fact that your explanation? Doesn't fully cover the logic gaps. So I started off on the wrong foot here. (Years ago I had a creative writing teacher who told us for our assignment, we absolutely were forbidden to write about the zombie apocalypse. After demands for explanation, he relented: okay, we could write about the zombie apocalypse, but with one strict rule. We were not to explain in the story how the zombie apocalypse comes about. We had to start when it had already happened, with no explanation. He said that anything that had ever tried to stop to explain how the zombie apocalypse happened had been awful and poorly-done, so we just weren't allowed to do it. It seemed a bit harsh at the time, and of course blanket statements, but in retrospect I fully agree with his sentiment. Don't bog me down with details that detract from the actual story and also cause me to realize that your story is full of nonsensical holes.) The story also felt very...like I could see all the seams? It felt very contrived? Which--I  mean--stories are! That's the entire point! But usually something smooths it out so I don't notice. Again, I'm not sure that was a technical problem, it might have just been me not preferring the tone and the style and honestly thinking I was reading a different plot. On the plus side this novel had a lot of disaster lesbians and as far as I remember it did a good job of showing rather than telling the nuances of the relationships in a book that overall had a more unsubtle, YA feel. Like you can tell that Sophie's relationship with Bianca is unhealthy before Sophie admits it to herself, even while Sophie's so very in love. That was the part I saw advertised, and the reason I put it on my book list, so it wasn’t like I didn’t get anything out of this.