#Honestly the end of Carmilla is the *worst* part of the story!

[swordshapedleaves]

Carmilla got stabbed too

Yeah but getting stabbed wasn't sexy of her. Carmilla is sexy because she's an immortal lesbian serial killer.

[sol1056]

What are your overall thoughts on Castlevania season 3? So far the season, particularly the last two episodes (especially the 9th episode), have been controversial.

Well, that penultimate episode definitely put me in mind of the famous quote…

Obiwan: “I feel a great disturbance in the force…”

Half of which was probably screams into the void over this seeming betrayal, and the other half was shrieks in delight about confirmed OT3 potential.

On a more serious note, I’ve got a bunch of asks about S3, so I’m covering them all in this one response, because my thoughts come down to one thing.

This season was all about trust.

If we can consider this season (much like S1) to be setup, these episodes are for getting characters into the places and mindsets that the following act will require. So whatever we get in S4, it’ll require that Sypha be accustomed to Trevor’s life as an outcast demon-hunter, that Trevor accept his choices impact more than just him, that Alucard repell intrusions on his solitary guardianship, that Carmilla has a bound forgemaster and solid plans to grow an army, and that Issac has a full-sized army of his own. 

A pedestrian approach would have been all plot: a whole lot of running from one place to the next while shouting exposition. It could’ve ended up a truly jarring tonal shift between what’s basically four separate storylines: Alucard and Cho’s former prisoners, Sypha and Trevor and Saint Germain, Isaac’s journey to find Hector, and finally Carmilla and Hector. Though given they hardly interact after the first episode, we could treat this as two parallel storylines: Carmilla and her sisters, and Hector and Lenore.

(Spoilers behind the cut.)

Instead, Ellis uses these four (or five) storylines to explore different issues with trust, betrayal, and isolation. Sypha and Trevor recognize that St Germain’s unexpected willingness to trust wasn’t born of seeing them as trustworthy, so much as a symptom of St Germain’s overwhelming isolation and loneliness – and they even remark on the similarity to someone else, implied to be Alucard. Who – after his highly guarded and distanced interactions with Sypha and Trevor in S2, followed by a month (or a year, Alucard’s lost track) of total isolation – has come to the same place as St Germain. 

In both cases, those finales pivots on whether this third, isolated person can be trusted, as well as whether that person can trust the pair that claims to be helping. St Germain isn’t a fighter, and goes into the finale clearly terrified as to whether Sypha and Trevor can even keep him safe, while Sypha and Trevor have to take it on faith that St Germain’s intentions are good. (If you take Alucard’s animation to indicate that he has no experience as a lover, then the parallels are even more stark.)

Meanwhile, Isaac – as the captain so insightfully points out – remains fixated on the offenses done him, easily dismissing the kindness of an unexpected gift from a stranger. Hector’s issue, on the other hand, is too much trust, given too easily, with no questions ever asked (as Lenore drives home, first through interrogation and second through manipulation). Isaac’s determination not to trust anyone makes his way more difficult, while Hector’s determination not to question his immediate trust in the latest authority figure is what eventually traps him. 

Even the four vampire sisters (an element I really loved, almost making up for the first two seasons’ near-dearth) pivot around issues of trust, but in their case, it’s whether they can trust that Carmilla’s grand vision is feasible. They don’t distrust Carmilla, or her ideas – they distrust that they can fulfill her visionary plan to its fullest extent. But they’re also intrigued by the idea, and clearly competent enough to make it happen – and despite a few times where it seems there might be fractures (more of Lenore’s diplomatic manipulation, in hindsight), the four really do trust each other pretty firmly.

There’s a secondary theme threaded through the storylines, too, although we only hear it stated explicitly in the Isaac and Trevor/Sypha storylines. 

the captain: “If you don’t have your own story, you become part of someone else’s.”

The context here is whether one’s motivation comes from an external source, or is internal to the person. Isaac’s motivation (at least at the midpoint of this season) is clearly stated as revenge on Hector – that is, to rectify Hector’s wrongs that undid Dracula’s story. Alucard, too, is trapped in someone else’s story, as his motivation first is that he thinks helping two lost souls would please his mother, and later that training new demon hunters would please Trevor. 

Sypha’s motivation is simpler: action! adventure! excitement! And in not stopping to consider the source (or the results) of her motivation, she ends up being accessory to not one but three stories (with Trevor along for the ride). The Trevor/Sypha storyline could be seen, in this light, as one in which they’re tools in other peoples’ stories. They fail to warn/assert/react fast enough to prevent the mad priest’s actions, they learn of (and then tackle) the church problem due to the town mayor’s need, and they learn of (and then tackle) the thing in the basement due to St Germain’s need. 

In the end, St Germain (like Dracula) goes onto the next chapter of his story, with Sypha and Trevor left to handle the aftermath (like Isaac). They don’t even reclaim their story with the final discovery of the mayor’s depravity, as they end up (if understandably) destroying the evidence, as the mayor had requested. 

When Trevor echoes the captain’s words (which could be Ellis wanting to drive the point home, or could imply that at some point, Trevor also met the captain), Sypha deflects his point. She’s quite certain she’s been living her own story, and enjoying it immensely. In the aftermath, Trevor turns the point around, saying that for the past few months, they’ve been living Sypha’s life, all action and adventure. 

Trevor: “And now, we’re living my life.”

Trevor’s origins, after all, lie in the destruction of his family – but that destruction wasn’t at the hands of the demons they fought. Instead, it was at the hands of the church, its people, and the larger community. His storyline in S1-S2 was of someone who’d seen the worst of humanity, and ended up deciding to fight because he chose to, not because humanity deserves it.   

With the possible exception of St Germain (which is more of an open question than a certainty), they trusted and discovered their trust wasn’t misplaced, so much as… that taking everything at face value meant they remained blind to what lay beneath. Their story halts with Trevor reminded of why he originally kept people at a distance (through snark and alcohol), and Sypha now enlightened as to how sometimes humans are far worst monsters. 

That blindness is also present in Alucard’s story, when he takes the two young prisoners-turned-hunters at face value. He opens his house (well, most of it) to them, trains them, and tells them secrets of how to hunt his father’s race. It’s a radical shift from his original reaction to the Belmont hold, as a museum dedicated to the extermination of his race.

Which brings me to Ellis’ choice to have the finales as parallel battles, but he manages to have them reflect each other, as well. For Isaac, Sypha, and Trevor, it’s an external battle against an overwhelming foe. Sypha ends with literal blood on her hands, and other than St Germain’s departure, the rest of their victory is literally pyrric.  

For Hector and Alucard, their storylines peak (ahem) at what should be a moment of trust and connection, which is why I can see the choice to have those storylines turn sexual. (Honestly, I thought the two young hunters were just going to cook Alucard dinner in return, or something – I had zero expectations that any story would ever go there.) 

First, five separate battles would’ve been just a lot of chaos, compared to the contrast of apparent happy-endings (or happy-middles). Second, it drives home that Alucard has defenses all over the place, but none to seduction, while Hector simply clings to whomever is willing to call the shots, and only thinks to question later. They’re in the stage of their story that the captain raises to Isaac: after you’ve achieved this goal, what next? What is left for you? 

Which is why I think their parallel endpoints – Isaac’s final battle, Alucard and the hunters, Hector and Lenore – all come to a head at being bound in some way. They’re still playing out someone else’s story, so they run headfirst into situations where that tunnel-vision can be used against them. Isaac may be the least trusting of the lot, but even he shows a remarkable tendency to take things at face value: to trust the gift from the seller, to listen to the captain, to sit and converse with the old witch who tells him about the possessed city. With as little foreknowledge as Alucard or Hector, Isaac rushes in, eyes too fixed on achieving someone else’s goal to see the trap ahead. 

None of the bindings are shown as simple, easy to break, or without lasting effect. At the same time, it’s striking that Isaac and Alucard do manage to force their way free, while Hector can only flail about in pain. To me – given the theme of trust – that implies that somehow, both Alucard and Isaac do have the potential for a balanced trust. That is (unlike Hector) knowing when to take it away, even if both struggle with learning to give it.

Oddly, that’s why I think the season managed to position things beautifully for a next season, because we’ve come full circle. 

It’s a curious thing about Alucard: when we first meet him in S1, he’s recovering from his father’s betrayal (of attacking humans); in S3, he’s recovering from the grief of loss (his parents, his only two friends) – and S4 ends with him shivering in pain/hurt over the betrayal of two people. Gotta wonder how much more Ellis will see fit to break this character down.

In S2, Hector was a valued lieutenant, if terribly blind to the implications of what Dracula wanted. Now those illusions are gone; he’s enslaved, wanted only for his skills (in the forge and in bed) – and the deal is quite explicit. Lenore has the grace to say that Hector should be getting something out of the deal, but that doesn’t change that Hector can’t pretend there’s no deal being made. 

Isaac begins cast out, grieving Dracula (not entirely as a mission, but more as a friend, I think) – and ends with the resources and experiences to go in a new direction. He doesn’t have to take out Hector, who could be seen as small fry, anyway. (Especially given Hector’s now just a shell of a controlled man.) If Isaac chooses to go after Carmilla in S4, that’ll be the first step towards making his story his own. Note also that although Isaac may seem alone, he’s accompanied by a host of creatures. He has allies.

It’s the trust in those allies that seems to determine who ends well, and who does not. Although Trevor and Sypha (especially Sypha) were dealt an emotional blow by the post-battle revelations, they always had each others’ backs – and they leave the town behind, relatively unscathed. Isaac ends victorious, with a few of his army intact and the material to make more. 

But the storyline that ends in the ascendant position is Carmilla’s. With her visionary ideas and her sisters’ abilities to make those visions real, Carmilla is positioned to go exactly where she wants. Which is why it’s also striking that (other than Lenore’s sex scene), neither Carmilla nor her sisters really have a ‘final’ battle. They’re effectively a season ahead of everyone else – the trust between the four is already established, solid, and reciprocated equally. 

So you could say that being foolhardy about trust will land you in hot water – which pretty much covers all the central protagonists. But the story’s not that bleak, despite its final scenes, because it’s also saying that sometimes, to get where you want to be, you do have to take that leap – as illustrated by Isaac and St Germain. Or even that you trust, and if betrayed, you deal with the consequences, learn the lesson, and move on, like Trevor and Sypha. 

Or you learn a different lesson, one preached by dear old dad: put the bodies of your conquests out front on stakes, and lock the doors, and trust no one. Which is a legitimate reaction to betrayal, don’t get me wrong, but one that S3 seems to be firmly saying will only end badly.  

[veilder]

Castlevania Season 3 was insane and in this essay I will--

Okay, I’ve never made a post on this website before, but here I go cuz Castlevania Season 3 has me just that fucked up. (Everything here is my own opinion, fyi.)

***SPOILER WARNING FROM HERE ON!!***

Okay, so yeah, that was a wild fuckin ride, wasn’t it? First off, while I did very much enjoy this season and I still love the show as a whole very much, this whole thing felt a lot like a setup season. It was a lot of maneuvering the characters into certain places and roles and it was a lot more focused on their emotional development (or regression, yikes!) than it was on a central plot like the first two seasons were. In those, all three mains had a singular goal: destroy Dracula. But now? Well, we’re left in the aftermath. I feel like this season was certainly necessary for where the show seems to want to take things, but yeah, I think I didn’t love it quite as much as the first two. And I think a lot of that stems from just how fractured the main party is. And I’m not just talking about Trevor, Sypha and Alucard, either, even though I consider them the main focal point. Because, building up off of season 2, I would absolutely consider both Hector and Isaac as main characters in this show as well. But after the final confrontation of last season, all of them (save Trevor and Sypha) are scattered. And while they certainly still seem to impact each other somewhat, they never actually... y’know, meet in this season. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely adore Trevor and Sypha’s dynamic and I think they are #RelationshipGoals, but you can certainly feel the absence of Alucard in their scenes. Hell, Trevor remarks on that himself at one point, about how they just... left him behind. About how lonely he must be, shut up all alone in his father’s mausoleum, taking on the duty to protect it because he’s the only one who can... There was a scene in one of the middle episodes (forgive me, I did not mark down which) where Trevor encounters a fox in the forest. And there is a prominent cut to the creature’s golden eyes. And Trevor smiles at it. It just makes me think that he, at least, has been thinking about their wayward companion in his downtime. I’m glad that the showrunners took the time to make sure we all could see that consideration, even in small moments like this, because it really didn’t sit well with me, how they left him all alone at the end of season 2. It’s nice to know that at least Trevor is thinking about him and it makes me hope that we will actually get these three back together in season 4. And along those lines, I think it was very interesting, how ultimately, Isaac’s whole goal in this season was to reach Hector. Literally, that’s all he is doing for all 10 episodes, just travelling across continents to find the man who betrayed Dracula... and to make him pay. But damn if I didn’t absolutely love all of his scenes, too? Isaac has really risen to prominence for me with this season. I could never quite get behind him in season 2, but here? I daresay that he might’ve been my favorite part of this season. All of his interactions, with the old collector man, with the Captain, with the FlysEyes, with Miranda, they were all so varied and philosophical. I really loved how the show delved into such heavy topics with him and fleshed out his personality a bit more. Special shoutout to the Captain who was, imo, absolutely amazing. I honestly hope they meet again, I loved their dynamic so much. But even so, he’s always still focused on Hector. Always moving towards Hector. I like that their story continues to play out from where it left off in season 2, with their fates interwoven like this. I do hope that we’ll get to see a confrontation between them eventually, but God, it would be very unsatisfying right now with Hector’s current situation. Which... Jesus, he is in dire straights, isn’t he? I honestly felt so bad for him throughout this entire season. He has been abused and manipulated so horribly through this whole thing. And yes, maybe he came across as a little naive and, well... dumb for trusting Lenore, but... Honestly, with the way he’s been suffering? Clinging onto those few scraps of kindness she throws him is really his only salvation. He has nothing, literally nothing, not even clothes, when the season begins. He’s been travelling with Carmilla for a month and then is immediately thrown in prison when they finally reach Styria. And God, despite all of that, he still has the gumption to try and attack Lenore at first. To try and trick her into a vulnerable position when vulnerability is his new MO. I was proud of him for trying, for keeping that spirit alive within himself despite his horrible circumstances. And watching as Lenore manipulated him further and further was just... so horrible. Honestly, she probably didn’t even need the slave ring at the end. Hector was so desperate for any sort of love and validation that he almost certainly would’ve happily crafted their legions just to make her happy. He has such a soft soul and it’s always being taken advantage of. His story arc was so fuckin sad and I really need better things for him going forward. And speaking of characters who deserve better... Omg, what did they do to Alucard? Seriously, his entire story arc this season was just... highlighting how devastatingly lonely he is and how he’s not coping very well at all with the aftermath of season 2. And I understand, everything that went down last season and everything he was forced to do, it broke him so completely. He hasn’t really... moved on at all from where we last saw him, weeping his heart out for the family he lost. So what does this show do for him? It lets us think he might be able to find a new family, to find happiness... and then it yanks that away from us in the absolutely worst way. Sumi and Taka had a lot of promise. Their backstories, as slaves for an ancient, powerful Japanese vampire, that was very cool. Their quest to find a mentor, someone to teach them the skills they needed to help liberate their home from the hold these vampires have over them, that is a noble goal. And Alucard sees that in them. He sees their potential to do good. I think he honestly sees a little bit of Trevor and Sypha in them, in the way they want to help, to fight against evil, to better the world. And I think they also... give him someone to cling to. Just someone at all to speak with, to share his day with, to be around? He is so lonely, so hurt, grieving and empty and wishing he wasn’t. They offered him a small glimpse of what happiness could look like. And he took it with both hands. He wanted them there and he wanted to help them and God, even when they have him at their mercy and are trying to kill him, he never condemns them. He still sees the good inside of them. And I wonder if he ignores the brokenness inside of them, too, because it’s a mirror to his own? Either way, the whole story arc was absolutely heartbreaking and it kills me to see Alucard so absolutely crushed by the events of his life. He does not deserve this. And I... really need Trevor and Sypha to come back for him. I think he really needs them, now more than ever. The characters are really who I wanted to talk about, y’know? Yes, I love all the plot setup happening; the Cult of Dracula was unsettling and terrifying; Saint Germain and the Infinite Corridor were honestly spectacular? How did they pull that off so convincingly?; Carmilla, Striga, Morana and Lenore were strangely entertaining for me, even though I very much despised the way Carmilla and Lenore in particular treated Hector. They were a weirdly amusing, kickass lady squad and I wouldn’t mind seeing more of them. (Which I most certainly will); Isaac and his growing horde coming for Styria is bound to be amazing!; I’m assuming that Trevor and Sypha will continue learning more about the Cult as the next season goes and will (hopefully!) get Alucard back with them at some point! (God, he needs his friends so much. >_<) I just... There was so much packed into this season and I overall enjoyed it very much. Special shoutout to the absolutely amazing artwork because holy shit! Some of those still were breathtaking! And while some of the fight scenes I thought were a tad... worse than in previous seasons, some of them were real standouts, too! So yeah, I had a lot of thoughts about this! And I really needed to share them! Looking forward to what comes next! ~Veil P.S. Y’all don’t even know how desperately I want “The Pirate of the Roads” to be Grant Danasty. XD (Will he ever show up? Fingers crossed!)

[margridarnauds]

6, 7, 10, 21, 23

THANKS AVERY

6. Answered here 

7. List your NoTPs from each fandom you’ve been in. 

Let’s have the SALT. (Mandatory disclaimer that my own personal feelings towards the SHIP does not inherently extend to the shippers, that I ship many dynamics that some people would call “abusive” given the ongoing debate over what “enemies to lovers” means, and that some dynamics here are things that I might have shipped under other circumstances, but things just...didn’t work out that way.)

Cats - I hated Plato/Victoria before I even knew that it was POSSIBLE to hate a ship that much. I always went with the Plato = Macavity theory to get that little skeavy dudebro off my girl. (Also, I’ll be honest, the whole “mating dance” thing is...such a fucking weird sequence anyway. Like, my ship preferences aside, ALW WHY DID YOU HAVE TO HAVE A SCENE WHERE THE CATS FUCK?) 

Pirates of the Caribbean - Jack Sparrow/Elizabeth. 

Harry Potter - Ron/Hermione. I never saw it, tbh, and they seemed to be pretty bad for one another, even in the books. The films just took it up several notches. 

OUAT - Captain motherfucking Swan. I hated that smug, greasy little motherfucker so much. So much. 

Star Trek Ds9: Jadzia/Worf. THERE. I SAID IT. Both sides brought out the absolute worst in each other, leading to an absolute trashfire of a ship that obliterated all in its wake. AND THEN WE HAD TO DEAL WITH THE FALLOUT OF THAT. EVEN AFTER THE SHIP WAS *DEAD*. Don’t mind me, don’t mind me. I’m cool, I’m cool. 

Carmilla - Tbh...Laferry. Never my thing. I know that her character development’s a BIG part of Perry’s arc and I fully embrace character growth, but it just. Left a bad taste in my mouth. And the way shippers used to treat Laflashdrive shippers back in the day. As if shipping a nonbinary character and a flashdrive somehow makes it hetero. (#LetLafBeaRobotfucker2k19). 

Les Miserables - You know what? While I’m on the Salt Train...

Enjolras/Grantaire. Now, there are plenty of ships that are probably more deeply annoying to me, but none are as prevalent as this one. And I might like them a lot more if they WEREN’T so prevalent. But as it is, it’s like a black HOLE that’s devoured the fandom, so that you’d think the entire fucking novel/musical is about these two. And. Maybe I shouldn’t talk given what I ship, but it isn’t even like they’re THEM at this point, they’re just two generic white guys in an “uwu” relationship. And I’m not speaking for EVERY single thing given that I have neither the time, concentration, or will to read every. Single. Thing. Made about these two, but it’s something I’ve noticed, though I’m not saying that I haven’t enjoyed SOME things made about them and the whole “You believe in nothing.” “I believe in you” is...good content. 

It’s like...you’re walking in the woods (there’s no one around and your phone is dead) and you see a brightly colored pink tree. At first, it’s great. A pink tree! You’ve never seen one of those before. You wander further into the woods, and there’s another! And another! And soon enough, you’re surrounded by pink trees, in a technicolored horror realm. Where’s the sky? Where did you come in at? You think you remember seeing the sun once, but NO, it’s another fucking pink tree blocking your way. There is no God, there is no ground, there is only a technicolored nightmare blocking your every move, drowning you in visions of Barbie-esque horror. 

Terra Nova - Skye/Lucas. WHY GOD WHY? Look, we KNOW I have terrible taste in ships, some of which have...questionable dynamics. BUT EVEN I CAN’T GET INTO THIS ONE. There’s no...mutual spark between the two of them, just Lucas creeping on Skye and Skye trying to get away. Also, since I’m here...Skye is estimate to have been born in ‘32-33, making her approximately 16-17 by the time the plot kicks into gear. Let’s be very generous and bump her into 17-18. Lucas? 2124, making him...oh, 25. Not the WORST age gap I’ve ever seen in my lifetime...but....questionable. Very questionable. And I know the series wants to have us believe that people grow up faster (see: The fact they actually think Maddy’s old enough to GET MARRIED. TO A SOLDIER. WHO IS REALISTICALLY IN DANGER OF MAKING HER A WIDOW,) but NO. Like, at my CURRENT AGE, with less than four years separating me from that age gap, I can’t see it. That is still at least 7 years of experience in the “real world” that she doesn’t have. He still saw someone with THAT MUCH of an age gap with him and WANTED something, whether or not she wanted it or not, and tried to PURSUE that something while calling her “sister”. Like, I can’t stop anyone from shipping it and I have a firm “ship and let ship” mentality, but....EW. EWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWeWEEWEWEW. 

B5 - I’m in the same boat as you as far as...on one hand. Byron/Lyta makes me want to vomit, but also...our Teep OC does owe her existence to her weird, hetero white goth uncle. 

Star Wars: Han/Leia. Because, as we all know, cornering a woman before you kiss her is the love story of the generation. Han would have been better with Luke and Leia with Holdo. 

The Pirate Queen - Tiernan/Gráinne. I. Hate. This. Ship. 

His Dark Materials - Torn between Ruta Skadi/Asriel and Lyra/Will. Tbh, leaning towards the latter because while the former is AWFUL and signifies the quite frankly terrible writing decisions that distinguish the second and third books, at least it didn’t involve a badass, feral girl child becoming a dainty, submissive 50s housewife in the body of a 12 year old. “Oh, Will, I’ll do whatever you say, I promise. I won’t use my awesome powers unless you say I can, you’re so fantastic, Will.” Gag me. Also...they’re twelve. This doesn’t HAVE to be an epic, tragic romance, and the fact that their “kiss” (WHAT THE FUCK PULLMAN, WHAT THE FUCK, I’M NOT A PURITAN BUT WHAT THE FUCK) is the key to saving the universe? Really? Basically, they should have been friends. 

1789 - Danton/Solène. (I KNOW WHAT YOU THOUGHT I WOULD SAY, BUT NO. MY HATRED FOR THIS ONE MANAGES TO OUTSHINE IT.) “But Rachel,” you might say, “You’ve been very, very open about preferring anything to Ronan/Olympe” and that’s TRUE. But the Toho version managed to push my hatred of this one with The Scene, AKA “Go back to the kitchen, Solène and let the menfolk take care of this.” The French version didn’t even really have it as A Thing, he was just a customer. And the amount of time Danton spends with Solène is always directly proportional to the amount of spinal surgery she’s going to have. Now, I can’t exactly BLAME the two Japanese productions for doing what they did, because they have to appeal to a Japanese audience in the way they see fit. It’s an ADAPTATION of 1789, not a tour of it. But that doesn’t mean I have to LIKE it. And. Like. You know there’s no way THAT one’s going to end in a way that’s good for Solène. Either (1) he’ll set her aside for his family or (2) If they SOMEHOW stay together...the Reign of Terror’s looming. 

Also: Danton/Charlotte. No. No. Just. No. There are so many reasons why. But no. 

Ace Attorney - Maya/Nick. WHY SWEET MOTHER OF HETERONORMATIVITY WHY? 

10.  Is there a fandom you read fic from but don’t write in?

We’ve both discussed a lot about how...DIFFICULT it can be to write fic for something. There are a lot of things I love dearly but just don’t have it in me to write fic for. Ace Attorney is an obvious one, Mozart l’Opera Rock, Elisabeth (though I’m trying to work on that one), Les Miserables, Star Wars, Star Trek, B5....a ton more that I could mention but it would honestly take too much time. Words hard, reading still hard but slightly easier. 

21. What was the first fanfic you ever wrote? 

The first thing I ever wrote, when I was five years old, was (very heteronormative) fanfiction for The Stinky Cheese Man, where he finds The Stinky Cheese Woman, which now, of course, I recognize as my own attempt to write myself into a narrative from which I’d been excluded. Or something. I think my mom still has it buried someplace, lurking...

Also, @theocraindora at some point managed to get me to write at least one full Carmilla AU during the second season, when we both must have been about 17-18-ish, if my math’s not too dubious, and that was the first thing I ever actually finished for a long time, even though it didn’t ever meet my personal standards for publishing and is likely to stay buried. For awhile, at least. 

23. Name a fic you’ve written that you’re especially fond of & explain why you like it.

Since I talked about PLP’s tragic backstory, time for something happier. Paradise Lost, which I’m actually pretty damn happy with because it was my first time working with something that’s not a historical piece, and it was honestly a treat working with Mira’s voice. I think that Mira really “clicked” for me as a character here. Like, “Yes, this is why she’s like this, this makes sense.” There are some times where you can really feel a character’s voice when you’re writing and you can get things out, and this was one of those very rare times for me. Not saying that it’s going to happen NEXT time, but this time, it was rather relaxing. 

It was honestly one of the smoother writing experiences I had? Like, it only took me about a day or so, from when we exchanged PMs to publishing it, which is pretty impressive, all things considered. I’m still not tossing out doing anything more with this world in the future, tbh. That and Goosefic were probably two of the easiest to just...get out. (WHICH. 92 HITS. GOOSEFIC HAS 92 HITS. THAT IS INSANE FOR A ONE-SHOT IN A SMALL FANDOM. HOLY SHIT.) 

(From your other ask!)

50. How did you get into reading and/or writing fanfiction?

I’ve been WRITING fanfiction since I could hold a pencil and make scribbles.  When I was younger, I could write that kind of thing easily, the shame came later. 

Finding out that fanfiction EXISTED...was probably when I was about 9-10 and found Balto x Harry Potter crossover fanfiction. Which. In hindsight. Was pretty horrible, but my young self was CAPTIVATED because Balto and Harry Potter? In the same universe? IT WAS LIKE MAGIC. 

Astonishingly, I did not read M rated stuff until I was at least 15-16-ish. I kept myself remarkably sheltered and only looked into it when I became curious. And got over my weird hyper-religious phase. 

When I was about 12-13, I started to toy with writing myself, writing my own OC crossovers for Phantom Manor (the gother, European version of Haunted Mansion that was my special interest for. Ages). Carmilla when I was 17-18 was one of the first things I wrote a full, complete Thing for, even if I never published anything for it. And from there, I’d try to write things for both The Pirate Queen and Dracula, though both projects proved to be too ambitious and I ended up cutting them off, tragically, but they gave me the confidence I needed to get into 1789, which I DID publish something for finally, on the day I was taking my GRE because. Well. I had something else I feared more than a flame. 

51. Rant or Gush about one thing you love or hate in the world of fanfiction! Go!

I don’t know if this is one thing or five separate things in a trenchcoat, but here you go. 

I love how we can explore things that could never be explored in canon, for one reason or another; I love that we have an experience that we can filter according to what WE want, including trigger warnings, which is honestly a godsend to me. We talk a lot about the transformative nature of fanfic, and it IS, but also, the level of empowerment that comes with being able to take back a narrative that says “hey, you’re not supposed to be in this narrative” or “You’ll like what we put out and you’ll stick with it” or “Well, if you don’t like it, create your own” and say “Okay, I will.” And, obviously the comments are lovely, having that kind of instant encouragement, and in the small fandoms in particular, it’s VITAL, but I also don’t feel like they’re inherently mandatory or that readers should feel FORCED. But I do love that, no matter what, something you write can connect with someone from the other side of the world. Like, people can argue all they want about fanfic being valid or not, but MOST people who want to be professional writers never get that. And when you stop and think about how we’ve been changing the narrative for as long as we’ve had oral stories, that this is how storytelling was ORIGINALLY done...that’s very humbling. 

[bringbackwendellvaughn]

I saw you post pics from it, so what do you think of Grievioux's New Warriors?

I hate it a fair bit.

The Night Thrasher stuff seems insincere and mostly motivated by race (he’s black therefore he’s basically better than Batman) and, believe me, I’d be all for a book starring a bunch of awesome Grant Morrison X-Men characters stuck in limbo but it did not do a good job of that. They were tertiary to Night Thrasher and none of them have any personality, this is all about Night Thrasher - which poses the question; why bother having all these X-characters in it? Especially since some of them like Chamber and Jubilee, are character’s that people would buy the book to read about. And some of them were butchered or just not in character at all. I love Beak but the character, which everyone else hates, should’ve been retired after his “happy ending” in Exiles. Bringing him back and making him a bland uncharacteristic sub-Darkhawk was utterly pointless. Likewise, he’s pretty happy to just kill any of them off, I mean, Stacy X and Redneck’s death didn’t seem to serve anything at all (and the former was brought back without explanation anyway). Why not just use New Warriors characters (there were plenty available - Firestar, Darkhawk, Turbo, Silhouette, Cloak and/or Dagger) or viable New Warriors characters (Gravity, Carmilla Black, Sleepwalker) instead of just doing an pretend X-Men book? I think the team of de-powered mutants could’ve been their own team with a better writer who was interested in them (because I am interested in most of them). This was neither a New Warriors book or an X-Men book.

I don’t mind Donyell as Night Thrasher at all - but I think that’s mainly because I literally have no attachment to Night Thrasher. Dwayne was always the least interesting/most boring in Nicieza’s New Warriors and I didn’t feel he was a loss at all in Civil War. But it looks like everyone loves Night Thrasher all of a sudden, so I’m of the minority. So Donyell can just stay as Night Thrasher, I don’t think he’s necessarily a trade-down. As you’ll see in a few days, I’m not saying “no” to Night Thrasher or all his fans just because I don’t like him…

The art was amazing.. Paco Medina is great. It’s a shame he keeps getting a lot of weak projects (I will say this is definitely not the worst thing he’s had to draw). I don’t quite understand why he hasn’t ever been upgraded to A-List books, he easily deserves it.

I think a big problem was conversely the New Warriors in The Initiative - as well as the new young heroes in that book - were much more interesting and better a team. To the point where thinking up New Warriors rosters is hard because there’s so many decent characters in The Initiative who could be tagged onto New Warriors (Thor Girl, Cloud 9, Prodigy, etc.). Arguably the best part of this New Warriors run was when those New Warriors showed up. I don’t think you can make a legacy team book with only 1 associated character (who turns out to not even be the character he appears). I honestly think most people are going to be disappointed with any New Warriors book if it doesn’t have at least 4 of the originals there. When people think of New Warriors, it’s almost unanimously the original 6.

While I’m at it, Blue Marvel is genuinely one of the most disgusting characters in the Marvel Universe, he combines everything I could possibly hate about a character (bad retcon character who is the most powerful person yet and his whole story is based around the evil white man). I liked it better when no-one was using the character and everyone was moaning about how nobody is using him and how he should be on every team.

[stillkillinmehollis]

ya killin me Hollis... so for that 1-98

99 Gay-ish Asks [x]

1) how tall are you?

like 5ft 3in. not tall at all

2) what is your body type?

I’m not sure if i fall under the “husky” category? 

3) what is your favorite part about your body?

my legs are pretty solid and pretty brolic, so I guess we can go with that.

4) is your current hair color your natural hair color?

Negative.

5) are you more outgoing or more shy?

Definitely shy. But at work, I can sometimes fake the “outgoing” pretty okay

6) are you more femme or butch?

…. uhh… butch..ish… i guess?

7) are you tol or smol?

hella smol

8) wine mom or vodka aunt?

i mean.. I don’t drink so… neither…

9) weird habit?

I crack my knees

10) favorite meme?

oh man, too many to decide

11) do you sing in the shower?

not really anymore.

12) ever used a bow and arrow?

Merida has shown me a thing or two

13) are/were you a theatre kid?

never

14) have you ever seen a broadway musical?

In no particular order, I’ve seen: Wicked, Beauty & The Beast, Grease, and Mamma Mia

15) do you think musicals are cheesy?

i’m neutral

16) have you ever been a part of a protest or a march?

I did do the March For Life in high school (my stand on the situation has since changed).

17) favorite Cards Against Humanity Card?

it has been so long since I’ve last played CAH, that I don’t actually remember

18) last movie you watched?

Shrek.

19) behind the camera or in front of it?

i live behind a camera.

20) favorite tv show?

Bob’s Burgers is the show I currently watch most, so we’ll go with that. 

21) meaning behind your url

it’s line from Carmilla

22) reason you joined tumblr

I think an at the time Buddy of mine told me about it and I should sign up. and i was like “aiite”

23) who’s your closest tumblr friend?

Zach, Laura, Kelli, Sky

24) what’s something most people love that you hate?

being the center of attention

25) have you ever taken narcotics?

I’m not big on drugs to any capacity… and avoid taking any if I don’t need to… and idek what actually is considered “narcotics”… so i really have no idea ?

26) have you had sex?

I have not.

27) have you ever gotten caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

nothing “bad”, I don’t think. idk, I was never that “bad” of a kid.

28) worst/funniest lie you’ve ever told?

i’ve never told this story to anyone before, but i completely forgot about it until right now. So in college, I told a professor that my (i think it was a final?) had gotten ruined by rain that got in my bag, and I tossed the papers. In truth, either I hadn’t done it or i hadn’t finished it. 

29) describe your passion without mentioning it.

what am i even passionate about these days ?

30) describe your best friend.

His name is Zach, he was one of my college roommates. He’s the Felix to my Sarah, my baby brother in every way possible. He’s always there when I need him, and my personal cheerleader and biggest supporter. He’s also patiently impatient about me getting a girlfriend :p 

31) give us one thing about you that no one knows.

please refer to question 28.

32) how do you feel right now?

I’m getting kinda sleepy… It is 3:35am after all. and I’m only not even a full 1/3rd of the way through these questions 

33) what is your biggest fear?

Bees. Needles. Being Abandoned by people. Feelings.

34) what’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

Ocean Avenue, by Yellowcard. I have no idea why, but it gets me so hype while I’m driving, and gets me to pull my windows down and blast my music.

35) what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far?

applying for the Disney College Program one last time.

36) have you ever tried your hardest and then been disappointed in the end?

haven’t we all at least once ?

37) something you fantasize about.

having an awesome girlfriend some day

38) last time you cried and why

a few days ago I cried out of frustration as I’m trying to figure out my living situation

39) what was the last thing that made you laugh?

the fact that you sent me as many questions as I sent you

40) do you really, truly miss someone right now?

it’s been five months since I lost my Pup, and I truly painfully miss her on the daily

41) who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

Zach.

42) the last time you felt broken?

a few nights ago, due to something that was said in a one on one with my leader

43) are you starting to realize anything?

slowly…

44) are you more dominant or more submissive?

I don’t think this applies?

45) i’ll only date you if _____. (fill in the blank)

you can accept me, from my sarcasm to my mental health (or lack there of), everything in between and beyond

46) do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older?

I’m here more for your maturity level then your actual age

47) describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail.

I’m definitely not “in love” with anyone, and I avidly avoid the 5 letter C word. 

48) do you have any kinks?

getting a good night’s sleep

49) first thing you notice in a person?

between their smile and their eyes

50) how can someone win your heart?

sarcasm

51) been rejected by a crush?

ugh, i hate the C word but yes, yes I have.

52) have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?

sure have !

53) would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

nope

54) is trust a big issue for you?

huge.

55) did you hang out with the person you like recently?

nope.

56) is confidence cute?

extremely

57) what would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

i wouldn’t say anything… like if someone else makes them happy, i’m not gonna come between that

58) would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

no way

59) does the person you have feelings for right now know you do?

………..moving on

60) ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

my entire existence is generally embarrassing to anyone, so .. yeah lol

61) do you want to get married?

I’d like to.

62) worst thing you’ve ever done?

i have no idea what the number one worst thing is… and honestly I don’t even want to know

63) three things that turn you on.

when someone can confidently take charge of the room, a cute laugh, and sarcasm. (also, just want it to be known, none of these are “sexual” turn ons, but things that can turn me on to a person)

64) who do you hate?

that’s a story for another day

65) favorite term of endearment?

Dude (thats an endearing term, right?)

66) who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening?

ohman… i’m not sure. Natalia Livingston (Emily Quartermaine, GH), maybe? Eva LaRue (Maria Santos, AMC)? Tamara Bruan (Carly Corinthos, GH)? 

The soap ladies were/are pretty, and I was a wee gay, okay ?

67) intimidating girls or kind girls?

in fairness… i feel like all girls are intimidating to some degree or another.

68) what do you look for in a possible partner?

someone who makes me smile and laugh, someone who keeps me on my toes, someone who pushes me to be better. someone i can have fun with, be sarcastic with, and someone who can be sarcastic and witty back at me.

69) do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls?

the personality behind the girl speaks volumes… also has a MAJOR affect on if i find her attractive or not.

70) are you good at flirting?

not even a little bit

71) who was the first person you came out to?

Tiffany.

72) do you have any friends who are wlw?

thankfully, most of them are !

73) is your crush wlw?

i hate the C word, but every girl I’ve had my eye on for one reason or another has turned out to be WLW.

74) last person to make you reconsider your sexuality?

i’ve honestly always been ace, whether I knew it or not.

75) write a short love poem to your crush/self?

i’m as good of a poet as I am expressing my feelings

spoiler: I’m not.

76) do you fall in love easily?

Situation depending, I can fall in LIKE or INFATUATION easily. but definitely not love.

77) is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

what’s a gay without some past trauma

78) are you good at hiding your feelings?

depends on the person and the feelings (but mostly, yes, I think so.)

79) are you a forgiving person?

For the most part, no. but it also depends on how bad you messed up… I can be, for the right person and the right circumstances.

80) what is your “type?”

idk if i have a strict “type”. 

81) fall asleep in her arms or rub her back until she falls asleep in yours?

the secret third option: play with her hair until she falls asleep in mine

82) tall girls or short girls?

yes

83) hugs or kisses?

i’m not always the greatest at physical contact, and the idea of my first kiss scares the actual shit out of me … so i guess hug for now?

84) twirl her around or get twirled?

please just me play with your hair

85) tummy kisses or thigh kisses?

uhhh… tummy ? i guess ? like i’m not out here trying to get in your thighs

86) hairline kisses or neck kisses?

is a hairline kiss the same a forehead kiss ? 

87) play with her hair or stroke her tummy?

i refer you back to #84

88) making out or soft kisses?

soft

89) hugs around the neck or hugs around the waist?

i’d probs prefer waist… i guess?

90) how confident are you in your sexuality?

110% confident i’m not sexually attracted to anyone

91) when you like someone do you blush or get butterflies in your stomach?

my dude. Pal. Bro. your boii gets the whole damn zoo in a stampede-that-killed-Mufasa style, and it turns her stomach upside down, inside out, all around, and breaks it into a million pieces. 

92) have you ever liked a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them?

yes I have, and yes I did.

93) how old were you when you realized you were into girls?

i was littttttle

94) most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a cute girl?

exist

95) do you have a favorite lesbian ship? is it canon?

Laura/Carmilla. and yes.

96) what is the most aggravating thing someone has said to you about your sexuality?

No One really has ever said anything too aggravating to me about asexuality. 

97) when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter?

last night (Tuesday; July 23rd, ‘19)

98) what is love to you?

Love is… all the songs making sense (throwback reference, I couldn’t resist). Love is “whats mine can be ours”. Love is working together to give it your all.