#Hob and dream being best bros

[gabessquishytum]

The ask about alpha Dream dicking alpha Hob so good he not only becomes an omega but gets pregnant has not left my brain. Like, at all.

Add to that my love for beefcake omegas and we get Dream suffering because Hob's already glorious chest is even more glorious now that he's in the late stage of pregnancy, but he cannot do anything about it because Hob keeps complaining about how sensitive his chest is :(

Hob meanwhile is googling how many hints can you drop about wanting your alpha to play with your tits until you just have to outright tell him without making it weird because your relationship is new and not exactly clear.

Or less googling and more like starting a reddit thread because this is a niche issue but he needs advice damn it.

- 🍃

Deeply obsessed with this actually!!!!

I can imagine that the reddit thread goes a little like this.

morpheusalpha: I (35M, alpha) accidentally bitched someone and now he (33M, omega) is pregnant. At first we weren't together, but we have decided to pursue a relationship and we are very happy together. However, he is now reaching the late stages of pregnancy and I have become unreasonably obsessed by his breasts. He is now very well endowed and generally very uncomfortable (due to soreness) and I do not want to make him feel worse. How should I approach this issue?

----------weirddreammer: bro how do you accidentally bitch someone wtf

----------yourfavouritelibrarian: hello! i would recommend asking your omega partner how best you can help him. he may be very glad to have your attention on this newly developing part of his body! good luck to you both!

-----------newomega1389: omg I'm in the exact opposite situation to you!! I recently became an omega via bitching (best thing that ever happened to me btw) and I'm currently pregnant!! Tbh I wish my alpha would be interested in my tits, I'm a little shy about them but I really want him to touch and I'm super horny but I don't want to scare him off haha. Hopefully we both find a resolution!!

It takes them an unreasonably long time to work out that they're talking to each other on the same damn reddit thread. At least Hob can blame pregnancy-brain, Dream has no excuse for being oblivious. Except maybe that he was distracted by Hob’s new boobs...

In any case they finally have a chat about the issue, and both of them are thoroughly satisfied with the outcome. Hob feels truly like the happiest omega in the world as Dream kneads his full, sore tits and covers the newly burgeoning flesh in kisses. This is the life he was meant for. He can't wait for his milk to come in, so that he can provide for his child... and maybe let Dream have a suckle now and then. As long as he gives Hob a good long knotting in return!

[five-and-dimes]

Had a very angsty thought about Dream that I thought you in particular would enjoy, so here it is:

Maybe this would be a human au, but I think it could work in universe as well.

Dream, because of the fact that he's not great with people, tends to be rather prideful, and is well aware of his own strengths, has been accused of being arrogant his whole life. Mainly by his siblings (Desire, I'm looking at you).

At some point, Dream being desperately tired of being told bad things about him, and desperate to have people around him who love him, decides that he must be the problem and so resolves that he will change himself.

How does he go about this? Well naturally he assumes that because he's been accused of arrogance, he can't trust his own judgement of himself. So whatever he thinks about himself, he believes that the reality of who he is must be worse. Which leads to a vicious cycle of self hatred.

Hob, who had become friends with Dream at some point, and had long since fallen for his friend, somehow finds out about this thought process of Dream's and is absolutely devastated. Which of course leads to Hob doing his absolute best to convince Dream he's not the worst person alive. Dream is very stubborn though, it takes a lot of work, but eventually Hob manages to help Dream see how unfair he is to himself and just how wrong his thought process is

Anyway, but I hope you enjoy this concept I thought of, it seemed like the exact sort of angst and hurt/comfort you enjoy, so I had to share

Bro you know me so Goddamn well.

(Vibing human au just cause I’ve been in human au mode for the fic I’m working on lol)

Cause like. Here’s the thing. Pride in and of itself is not a bad thing. There’s plenty of things Dream has every right to be proud of! But he grows up with parents constantly neglecting him and calling him selfish when he wants their attention/love/support, and siblings who call him arrogant when he speaks highly of himself. His siblings try to tear him down and he fights back by overcompensating, doubling down on his pride until it does in fact tip into arrogance, but he’s just so desperate not to let them make him feel worthless (even if it doesn’t really work). And when Desire or Despair are cruel to him and he fights back the only way he knows how, HE’S the one his older siblings scold and are disappointed in. 

And time passes, and he’s not naturally good with social interactions, and then on top of that you have the trauma of his family life exacerbating the struggle. He starts having romantic relationships that start strong and then nosedive, and suddenly he’s being criticized and beaten down from all sides, no one willing to give him the benefit of the doubt or any compassion when he messes up. So he starts to figure… well, surely if EVERYONE says all these bad things about him they can’t ALL be wrong. Surely he’s the one who’s wrong.

So he enters university with this mindset that he can’t trust his own feelings unless they're negative. He’s not someone who struggles, he’s just a bad person. He’s not talented or successful, he’s just arrogant. 

And that’s who Hob meets. Dream still has a haughty demeanor- a little part of him wants people to see right away what a “bad person” he is so that he can get it over with (plus, deceiving them would just make him a worse person, right?)- but Hob is obsessed with him immediately. Privately, Hob thinks of Dream like a stray cat, hissing and scratching out of fear and distrust, but it takes some time for him to realize just how accurate that assessment is. They become closer, and he starts to notice some things, like how Dream doesn’t tell him about the galleys he gets accepted into, or the stories that gets published, or the tests he aces. When he prods Dream about it, he shrugs it off, saying it doesn’t matter, it’s nothing, he wasn’t going to burden Hob with something so insignificant.

Hob tells Dream he should be proud of himself for his accomplishments and Dream is literally speechless.

No one has ever told Dream he should be proud. His pride was what made him unlovable, right?

Oops, did he say that out loud?

It’s like pulling teeth getting Dream to explain to Hob- How he’s always been wrong before, how he’s never gotten it right, so obviously he can’t trust his own perception of himself. Maybe he was excited, or felt a little spark of joy and pride at his successes, but he knows now that he actually has no reason to be proud of anything ever because he’s just a burden and a bad person. 

Hob is going to cry.

It’s a hard battle getting Dream out of this mindset. Hob kind of just has to go all in, because it’s not like Dream talks openly about his thought process, Hob just happened to notice and drag it out of him. So even if it might seem like Dream is just chilling on the couch watching a show, odds are he’s actually deconstructing every single thing he’s said and done that day and twisting them into proof for why he’s unlovable. But it’s not like it’s a chore for Hob- all he’s really doing is giving Dream the validation and approval that he never got growing up, and showing him a bit of grace when he stumbles. To Hob it's nothing, but to Dream it's everything.

(It’s also very cute to see how red Dream gets when Hob compliments him or shows up to his gallery exhibitions or tapes his A+ essays onto the fridge.)

There’s ups and downs, and there will continue to be ups and downs for a while. But when Hob finally kisses him, Dream thinks to himself… If someone as good as Hob can love him? Then maybe- just maybe- he’s not so bad himself.

[ibrithir-was-here]

OK, so I've seen Corinthiel approached from a Corintheus angle. And ofcourse you have your fabulous Corinthian Bros AU... But what about from the retired Dreamling trope? How do we reckon these two ships would combine?

Do we focus on the perfection which is hurt/comfort/fluff... Morpheus mentoring a self conscious Daniel. Hob and the Corinthian bonding in a dark mirror of humanity vs the humanist human to ever human way. Daniel and Morpheus finding a sense of self outside of 'Dream' through the couples association...Further strengthening both relationships.

Or...

Morpheus and Hob finally thinking they can relax, walk into the sunset of immortal humanity together... And Cori and Dani purposely deciding to make themselves their problem like the pair of eons old toddlers they are. Aka... The new kids on the block decide to go harass the boomers for the sh*ts and giggles...

Continually showing up at the New Inn as 'regular human' patrons. Until someone tries to hit on Daniel and the Corinthian introduces his knife to their eye sockets.

Hob: Why are they doing this?

Morpheus: I belive it may be some form of cosmic karma we are being forced to endure.

.................

Cori: All I said was he looked good in black...

(Cut to him pathetically sprawled across Hob and Morpheus's bed. In which they're in, valienlty trying to sleep. Because it is 2.26 am.)

Cori: Now he's barricaded himself in his chambers and accuses me of only wanting him as some accessible remnant of the past. How did he get that from, 'Those black jeans really bring out that sweet little arse?'

Hob and Morpheus:........

Hob: (Groans getting up) I'll take him, you deal with Daniel.

Morpheus: (Violently pushes his pillow over his head, swearing in neutron.)

............................

Daniel: (Doodling Daniel ❤️ Corinthian on New Inn receipts. Complete with little heart eyeballs.)

Morpheus: (Having vivid imaginings of the Corinthian as Consort of the Dreaming))

Hob: Now love, remember what we talked about. Count to ten before unleashing the outrage.

Morpheus: (Eye twitching)

Daniel: (Completely unconcerned, mind drifting joyously amongst the eyeball hearts.)

🤣🤣🤣👏👏👏💛💛💛💛

All of this is marvelous xD

Honestly I kinda love the idea of combining the two? Dream's trying to mentor and bond with Daniel so he's not just thrown into this job he knows is Uper High Stressful without any support, as he's trying to better himself now as well, and wants his successor to have his best chance.

He just did not forsee that this whole.../relationship/ would have popped up in the mean time, and that his mentoring of Daniel would mean that suddenly the Corinthian is almost always there as well, ready to break into any conversation they might be having with a crack shot xD

And then of course Corinthiel decide that of course there's no better place to have date night then at the New Inn. Not even from any sort of mischief at first they just think "well we know the owners so they'll be down with us being Eldritch and all, plus free drinks!"

Though well minded needling is definitely a motive for all their return visits.

[roguelov]

omg omg omg so I had a dream and I need to talk about it. Okay so it starts off with hanging out with Morpheus on the beach and watching him work, in a moment of being complimented he looks away from his work and it goes berserk it was supposed to be a dream and it went wrong and attacked me and then everything shifted into Victorian London and there is a group worried around me. They take me into their house and call a doctor and I didn’t remember anything but my name. I figured I must be married, as I have a ring on and when asked who my husband was I said I couldn’t remember. The doctor comes and cleans my head wound, and declares I have amnesia. The family said they would support me and let me stay with them until I regained my memories. 6 months go by and no luck with memories, until one day walking through the streets with one of the girls and Hob is across the street and sees me and makes a beeline and says my name I see him and I was like I know you, the girl I’m with gets very excited and asks if he is my husband and he’s like no but I am a friend of her husband. The girl tells me to go with Hob and to find out what my life was like and she rushes home. Hob takes me to the Inn to see Dream and I started to remember certain things and it’s a big deal and I pulled out a necklace with the ring he gave me on it and had him put it on me again and he said let’s go home and everything shifts and it’s the castle and he explains everything that I’m technically in a coma in the waking world he is just happy to have found me and yeah it was a good dream it would make a good fic if I would sit down and write it lol

Bro … my love … you straight up left this world and went to another 😂

The drama? The cohesive story? You just lived a whole other life! And I was invested the whole time!!! Like damn you had it all with such good tropes and god I’m so jealous that is probably one of the best dreams I ever heard I hope it was as thrilling as it sounds

[kittttycakes]

I am also glad that the ex’s dreams are Grace free. I love that Matthew is down with being a bro and Morpheus is a little flattered that the ex kinda resembles him.

I am now going to jump in that elevator and head all the way down the the sub-basement of level 3.

I went and reread the last chapter (I’ve only read it once because I’m saving a reread for when the next chapter comes out), and yessssssss, that moment which alludes to it is just *chef kiss* perfection.

I remember reading it now and (after recovering from the brain rot) wondering if it was a two key, two lock or a two key, one lock kinda situation Grace was imagining..

I respect and understand your choice not to include that in AHFH, but please feel free to capture that fleeting thought for a coda or one shot… I’ll have my catching net ready to help! (I’m picturing something like the way the BFG catches dreams with his net, but with smutty ideas, and then stashing them in dream jars.)

Thanks again for indulging us all!!

I really need to write more of Matthew, I just love that guy. I love his relationship with Morpheus, I love the idea of him and Hob getting to be friends, I think him and Grace would get along the more time they spend together…what can I say, I think Matthew is a likeable guy/raven.

We’re all in the basement together! That’s where the real party is.

One of the fundamental things that defines Grace as a person is that she wants things in a deep and visceral way. It’s something that’s not quite greed, and not always even entirely lust, but a secret third thing, and that scenario is definitely one of those things.

That is the best mental imagine and I’m going to tuck that away for when I’m storing my ideas for my little smut one shots. That’s exactly what it’s like!

I’m always so, so happy that other people like the three of them and I take any and every opportunity to talk about them, so thank you so much for indulging me!!

[avelera]

#i wanna see this fic so bad#while i enjoy ''everyone loves Hob and doesn't know what he sees on dream idc you're a king bro he's so much netter than you'' as much as#the next guy i really wanna see all the other endless try to get close to hob to influence him or whatever or rope him into their plans#abd just get so frustrated with him that they start complaining about him to dream who of course comes to his defense (in his own way)#and they're like???? you know what you can have him fuck it - @puzzledemigod

OK but I just HAD to think of a breakdown on how Hob would annoy the fuck out of each of the Endless:

Death - SEEMINGLY the hardest to figure out because clearly she likes Hob enough to give him immortality and set him up with Dream. But, and hear me out, what if she does volunteer to hang out with Dream and his new boyfriend, thinking she adores Hob so this can only go well!

... only to remember that the reason she gave Hob immortality was because he's so fucking annoying to immortals that she cracked up imagining how much he'd irritate Dream and get him out of his shell.

Because the minute they sit down, Hob is very pleasant and all, at first, but then he asks like, super innocently and casually, "So why does anyone have to die?" And of course there's a pretty obvious reason for this, it's part of the cycle of existence etc. And Hob just so innocently adds like, "Yeah, sure, but you spared me. And I learned all these amazing lessons and became a better person and got to see the world and I might get to go to space someday soon. Me. A peasant. There's loads of people way better than me out there, imagine what they could do with this gift?" And Death trying to explain why she can't do that and Hob just, "What, so you're just following orders, killing people because that's what you're supposed to do when you could spare them?" and that's not really what she means though, because Death is just a part of life, only for Hob to counter, "Yeah we used to say that about the Divine Right of Kings too but now look at us. Sometimes things everyone takes for granted don't actually have to exist, ever think of that? And how you could change the world for the better by just sparing more people who deserve it?"

And at that point Dream is smirking from ear to fucking ear because he's never seen someone test Death's patience so much so very quickly and she excuses herself before she even finishes her tea because of Hob fucking Gadling.

Despair - Need it be said? The unrelenting optimism. The fact she was battering fruitlessly at this guy all through the 1600s and still couldn't get him to break. Dream invites her to meet the boyfriend and she doesn't even reply, just flips Dream the bird through a mirror because there's no way she's spending another second battering at the impenetrably optimistic mind of Hob fucking Gadling.

Destruction - Another one that you might think Hob would get along with! They have a lot of personality traits in common!

Until Hob just oh so casually asks, "Hey so you quit your job and left your whole family in the lurch, including my boyfriend here who won't say it but he was devastated, what gives? I mean, I get abdicating but you couldn't get like a mobile phone or an email address so your family can chat with you from time to time? I respect the whole not wanting to be part of Destruction anymore, honestly, that's entirely your right but... being a dick to your family? Do you know what I would give to be able to talk to my siblings again? Even if they were arseholes?"

Destruction does what he is best and leaves at that point but he does give Dream props for finding a boyfriend who's willing to step into the ring with the living embodiment of obliterating you down to the atomic level in Dream's defense. That takes some balls, tbh.

Destiny - He knew all this shit that was going to happen before it did. Like Orpheus dying. Like Dream getting captured. Like literally every terrible thing that would ever happen and sure you can't stop all of it but you can't even look out for your own family on occasion? Much like Death, Hob is locked and loaded to go off on the guy whose in action it can be argued made his boyfriend sad, but never gets the chance, because Destiny does not show up for the invitation.

Delirium - Honestly, maybe not all that bad because Hob has definitely done a lot of drugs and can appreciate a good bender but he probably starts nudging Del towards like, some self-help stuff and therapy the whole thing where realizing she was growing up was what made her shift from Delight to Delirium in the first place and asking what exactly about all that was so upsetting to her because the modern world has loads of resources now, he could direct her to some...

Desire - Probably the Endless is makes most sense, in my mind, to objectively like Hob for his hedonism. IMO, this one just falls apart because of the antagonism towards Dream. Desire was allll ready to seduce Hob away from Dream or just pretend to to piss him off but Hob fucking Gadling didn't spend 600 years pining after Mr Tall Dark and Brooding over there to get tempted away by a blond who can't even respect their sibling's relationships so that one is also dead on arrival.

Was thinking about how Hob and Dream could both be insufferable in some way because, in fairness, Hob comes across as someone who could make friends with bread if left in a room with it long enough.

Then I had a thought:

What if Hob Gadling is just super fucking insufferable to other immortals?

See, Dream is... difficult for mortals to get because he's got his whole eldritch thing going on. But while he's not particularly popular with them, I imagine other immortals at least get and respect his whole deal. Like, he's the Dreamlord. Of course he's weird. But they understand the laws and principles he's referring to at least when he's being weird. He seems to at least have a pleasant relationship with the Faerie Court. It's mortals who can't really connect with Dream and find him exasperating as a result.

Whereas Hob gets along great with mortals, just swell. He's Just A Guy who happens to live forever and people get along with him. But immortals? We don't really see it much but immortals positively loathe this guy.

Dream's reaction to the whole, "I've made up my mind, I've decided not to die!"? Hob tossed out in 1389? That's the teeth-grinding level of irritation Hob engenders in every immortal he comes across (before they have centuries to get to know him) and it is exactly why Death just had to make this man immortal because it would be hilarious.

Why doesn't Hob hang out with other immortals besides Dream? Because the minute he opens his mouth about how great life is and how he's never had even a moment's doubt about how much he wants to live, every immortal in the room starts to make the gagging motion.

You're an immortal just trying to have a bit of a kvetch about Kids These Days and how much times have changed and how it was better in your day, and there's Hob fucking Gadling again ready to throw down about how amazing antibiotics and automobiles and the latest iPhone number whatever are and like, sure, but you were just trying to say back in your day things were better, right? Not objectively maybe but you're just trying to indulge in a bit of immortal nostalgia and Hob fucking Gadling is not having any of it and is ready to argue you into the dirt about it.

You're immortal but haven't quite kept up on today's slang? Hob Gadling will absolutely call you out and he's a teacher now so he's going to be super nice about it but you know he's judging you for saying groovy unironically and thinks you should get with the times already.

You're a vampire living off centuries of generational wealth? Hob keeps talking about how you should get a job and get out of the spooky mansion more, and maybe you wouldn't feel so much existential angst. You like your existential angst!

Hob doesn't have a single ounce of patience for immortals who want to wax poetic about wishing they were mortal again. Diseases, he says, have you ever had diseases? Like even a cold? It sucks. It really fucking sucks. The Plague? The fucking worst. You don't need to be mortal to get involved in mortal life, Hob fucking Gadling keeps pointing out at the monthly eldritch coffee meetups. You can just live as a mortal and share in their problems and enjoy the fact you don't have to deal with the shit parts like getting sick. Completely missing the point of the futile lamentation of regretting one's lost mortality is something you enjoy.

Hob harshes the vibe of every single immortal out there. They are so goddamn sick of him. There's a reason he has no apparent immortal friends or connections to the supernatural world despite (in the comics) seeming to have met other immortals and having the occasional supernatural encounter that he immediately brushes off as dull when compared to what the normal, every day world has to offer.

No other immortal can fucking figure out what Dream of the Endless sees in this guy, and how he can stand to talk to him even once a century without storming off (which, in fairness, Dream has done on 2/7 occasions). Dream, not otherwise known for his patience, is seen as a saint in the eldritch community for even spending as much time as he has over the course of 600+ years with Hob fucking Gadling.

[piolhyna]

I am obsessed with Hob Gadling, his whole concept. The idea of someone experiencing the best and the worst of humanity for centuries. Not from the outside, like so many other inmortals, distancing themselves from common folk, but in the amidst of it... centuries of pain, hunger, love, despair, dreams, nightmares, comfort, sadness, happiness, everything. Going so hungry they could die, being at the top, losing everything...

and still wanting to live!!!

I’ve grown so tired of stories of inmortals being all mopey that “life is sooo boooring, how can you do this all the time?? Please someone bring me the sweet release of deaaaath” and here goes Dream wanting to prove this but he chooses the worst best human to do that experiment!! Hob Gadling becomes the embodiment of life!! Of everything good and worthy in humanity!! The whole antithesis of depressed inmortals!!

He has so much to live for!!

I didn’t know how much a needed an inmortal like this! “Well, that sucked, but there are so many more things that did not! Let’s try another way tomorrow!” Like BRO! You are so right!!!

And I know...I know a lot of people ship it with Dream, but I don’t think it’s as easy as a traditional love story. In chapter 6, Dream of the Endless doesn’t find a friend or a lover...

He recovers his love for humanity!! Life!! 

After everything traumatic that happened to him in the past century, we see a Morpheus completly lost and hopeless. Contemplating what to do next...even going to his sister Death (I kid you not, the metaphor of contemplating you know what). He is an Endless! His job is to ward the dreams of humanity! His life is his job! It’s like a teacher kidnapped by their own student, how are you even going to perform your duties like this??

But then...but then his sister Death shows him there’s light even at the end. Her own love for humanity...and Morpheus goes back to humanity! To Hob! He recovers his life!

I know the Sandman comics are older than me and I don’t care, this is new for me now. And so needed when so many people are going through shit right now!! Please, be like Hob Gadling...

You have so much to live for!!

[infinitelytheheartexpands]

Responses from the Opera Screencaps Captioning Quiz

Hello, everyone, and thank you for taking my quiz! I had SO MUCH fun reading your captions-- there were several times I literally started crying from laughing so hard at the amazingness of your work! With that in mind, the captions (which I will continue to add onto as more people take it):

(also, thank you to @dichterfuerstin​ for translating the German captions I got)

originally taken from: the Wiener Staatsoper’s 2020 production of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart’s Die Entführung aus dem Serail, featuring Regula Mühlemann (center) as Blonde, Michael Laurenz (right) as Pedrillo, and an unnamed extra (left) as the Grim Reaper

Responses:

(Backstage warm-up) “ok so someone dropped the pulse”

me and my friends watching the fire burn after doing arson

Introducing the polycule to the parents

*boom* ... did...you guys hear that too?

Ma Signor !

Knight in whinging armour gone wrong, look at how he holds the egg. Polyamory with weird knight and death.

the father, son and the holy ghost are very gay

the gays meeting for brunch, 2021, colorized

chicken lady forces death and a very flamboyantly homosexual anthropomorphized pink bird to be parents of her egg (they dont want to be)

That’s just me and my friends on our night out (before covid rip)-- closest

A Good Friday night

good omens (2019)

["the pocket guide to boy/girl/mischief" meme] who's the boy and who's the mischief though????

Papageno and Papagena take their first-born egg trick-or-treating

Angry Birds - The Musical. A pig stole an egg and the bird unites with death to take revenge.

I love my bird wife

Someone got murdered during the funky chicken dance

throuple murders child and steals sibling of said child

When you and your friends have widely different tastes in literature

angel leading twink to his rightful place (hell)

draco malfoy from a very potter musical and a death eater are very much in the wrong show

What have I gotten myself into

Mlm/wlw solidarity but I’m not telling who is who

A woman stands with a pink dipshit with an egg and a reaper.

A bird-couple makes a pact with Death, sacrificing their first-born bird-child in order to bring good luck upon their unborn bird-baby

There are three types of people on Halloween:

Uh oh, I don’t think the mother hen is very happy about this...

oh god, they’ve invented seussical. It’s too early!

gay brunch

Three little maids from school are we

guys maybe if we dress gay enough we can distract everyone from the dead flapper bee in the back

those three killed a duck for her egg and are facing the conswquences.

Duck has egg with human, shocked and upset due to biological impossibility

When you bout to make a banging omelet so you invite your fellow queers

"No mortal man could pass that egg, but heaven shall repair your rectum."

originally taken from: the Salzburg Festival’s 2007 production of Hector Berlioz’s Benvenuto Cellini, featuring Maija Kovalevska (left) as Teresa Balducci, Laurent Naouri (center, in chimney) as Fieramosca, and Burkhard Fritz (right) as Benvenuto Cellini

Responses:

“In this same interlude it doth befall That I, one Snout by name, present a wall; And such a wall, as I would have you think, That had in it a crannied hole or chink, Through which the lovers, Pyramus and Thisby, Did whisper often very secretly. This loam, this rough-cast and this stone doth show That I am that same wall; the truth is so: And this the cranny is, right and sinister, Through which the fearful lovers are to whisper.” - a midsummer night’s dream, act v scene 1

"ah yes a prime specimen. see here, right in this box is our one of a kind hob goblin that can be all yours for the low low price of your soul"

what, YOU don't have a special eavesdropping chimney window?

Hänsel und Gretel plotting against the witch

man takes a wrong turn and ends up in a chimney, catches his girlfriend cheating-- closest

when you end up third wheeling the straight couple

lady cheats on her leather jacket wearing scummy boyfriend and when he unexpectedly comes home she hides the lover in the chimney

A straight girl and her gay best friend gossip about stuff idk

Idk Shakespeare?

experimental couples therapy feat. the chimney mf from mary poppins

Area Couple Inadvertently Traps Santa-in-Training in Chimney as they Attempt Rooftop Flirting

Landlords laugh over student renter's misfortune

I never asked for this

Ay yo lil mama lemme whisper in your ear

voyeurist listens to sandy and Danny from grease

Psssst! Did you hear about Susan? You won’t believe it!

lady and the tramp meets beauty and the beast?

human trafficking

And for just $30 you too could have your own tiny brick cage!

Psst I’m wearing assless chaps under this dress

A couple tortures a man in a box.

It's all fun and games being stuck in a chimney until your greasy uncle steals your crush from right above you-- okay ngl this could actually be a great Don Pasquale concept

Taking eavesdropping to the next level

Will you two stop being lovey dovey and let me out? SUMMER LOVIN, HAPPENED SO FAST— 

overhearing how people talk about you when they think they're alone puts you in the shithouse 

Does he know we can see him?

dear god, i am so fucking hungry, yall please just do whatever heterosexuals do so i can go eat a popsicle 

the human version of the trash man from sesame street is realizing that those two are going to fuck on his trash can 

Tmw you capture an angry short dude and start trashtalking him where he can hear 

Omg what if we kissed but we actually kissed the lil goblin man under us

"Remember, don't feed him after midnight"

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Leonardo Estevez (right, on fake horse) as Le Comte d’Oberthal

Responses:

“When I said we needed to drain the swamp I didn’t think there were people actually living there”

horse? what horse? no sir i dont know what horse youre referring to.

definitely don't have a napoleon complex going on

King stole La Scala‘s Lohengrin set

king breaks all his horses, has to use statue dragged by servants as transportation because he’s too kingly too walk

Emperor Söder and his subjects on a carnival procession

man on horse makes a big deal out of being on a horse

That’s not Zeffirelli because the horse is not alive

Who the fuck put a horse on the stage

isn't this that picture of napoleon on the horse

Area Count Thinks Citizens will be Intimidated by his Extremely Fake-looking Horse Statue-- closest

Everyone wants their turn on the giant plaster horse. Police are there to make sure everyone waits their turn.

Night out with the lads

Local royalty horrified at the state of his own damn kingdom

gay army fights different gay aesthetics-- hi author how does it feel to be the funniest fucking person on this quiz

Well at least I LOOK badass

ceasar if he hadn't gotten stabbed (colourised)

some soldiers jumped out of my kindergarten fairytale collection book to burn the don carlos flemish deputies at the stake

It’s just a model

Is that how you feel pulling up in your Honda Civic, Madge?

Someone rides a horse statue in public.

Just a normal party with the bros.

what is this, some kind of crossover episode? 

Terribly sorry for all the fuss, it’s just, that is, my horse is afraid of neck ruffles. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he’s—whoaaa there—he said he was a french courtier in a past life and he’s allergic to English fashion 

Horse seller, listen to me! I am riding into battle. I need your strongest horse. - We have horses at home. - The horses at home: 

All hail Incitatus the king 

we are not ripping off shakespeare’s henry viii. what the fuck. this is about lenny xi you uncultured swine, go drown in a pit of your own farts 

oh god is that hamilton 

Guy Removed From Art Museum For Sitting On Statue, more at eleven 

Gay <3

Officer: This horse... is a virgin! Crowd: *cheers*

originally taken from: the Parma Verdi Festival’s 2017 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Stiffelio, featuring Maria Katzarava (left) as Lina and Luciano Ganci (right) as Stiffelio

Responses:

That One kid in class

its a mEntAL BreAkDowN *final countdown but kazoo*

*record scratch* yeah, that's me. you're probably wondering how I got here-- closest

Dad keeps monologuing, teenager is done

left: all of my concerned friends, right: my emo ass having a very public mental breakdown

the demons in the corner of my room when im just trying to sleep

lady gets mansplained to (do i need to say more, we've all been there)

It’s probably an area baritone telling off an area soprano-- sorry; it’s a tenor. soprano is right though.

That was a fake horse in the last photo right?

child comes out as gay to father at a particularly bad time

dissociation solves everything

I can't believe it's not butter

Honey we talked about this

My sleep paralysis demon is Crowley from supernatural

child has nightmare of boring job

When you start dating a singer but he won’t stop practicing at night

just an average day in a hetero marriage

what do i do my wife's having period cramps again

Stop having an existential crisis. It’s time to sing!

“No son of mine will kin Gomez Addams under MY roof”

Crowley stares into space while a teen has post nut clarity.

When he wont stop reciting jordan peterson monologues!!

Do you realize how effed you are?

Ugh, not this lecture again! Dad’s Practicing For His Experimental Indie Band Again 

asking your parents for help with your own personal situation and them just ranting off about what they went through instead of helping in any way 

Will he shut up already!

no one tell him he’s yelling in the wrong direction, no one tell him plnsbdjddhdj 

this kid is tired of his dad listening to rush limbaugh (a man who claimed to be pro life but died anyway) 

Me internally vs externally 

Daddy issues

originally taken from: the Grand Théâtre de Genève’s 2020 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Les Huguenots, featuring several chorus members

Responses:

It’s the deadly eye Of Poogley-pie. Look away, look away, As you walk by, ‘Cause whoever looks right at it Surely will die. It’s a good thing you didn’t … You did? … Good-bye. - shel Silverstein

why the fuckith? my good sir, i beg of you to put your pants back on

I hate this itchy hat

Titanic Extras hear that they have to do extra hours

people waiting to board the titanic watch someone fall off the plank

pov: you’re a time traveler

guy in the flatcap is embarrassed by patriotism and pathos

No idea. For some reason Le Marseillaise comes to mind

Is this from Harry Potter?

disneyland main street usa workers on strike

local tries to hide behind Newsies cap to avoid unpleasant but inevitable conversations. meanwhile, some very fashionable ladies look on.

"Thank fuck, 2020 was just a dream after all"

“We gather here today because this bitch got exactly what she deserved” “heaven!” “Stfu Stephanie she’s going to hell and we all know it”-- not quite but this basically happens later on in the opera (and act) so yeah (except the person in question very much Did Not Deserve It)

dc movie filter on bridgerton

america?

looks like my history teacher paused the prohibition documentary again

Who still wears page boy hats bro?

Coming out to a room of people who Already Knew That

Bitches are relieved at some party.

Several drunk people exiting getting off the subway attempting to seem sober and rational but realizing they have somehow lost all of their possessions

How tf do I act natural in this situation-- closest

“do you think any of them noticed that I don’t know the pledge of allegiance” 

It's too fucking hot outside for this outfit 

?

when hyyh yoonkook ending just hits different 

pedestrians watch in horror as the triangle shirtwaist factory burns and the workers throw themselves out of the windows from a dozen stories up 

Starting the pledge of allegiance be like 

He's having a heart attack oh no oh god oh fuck

originally taken from: if I remember correctly, the Semperoper Dresden’s 2018 semi-staging of Johann Strauss II’s Die Fledermaus, with Jonas Kaufmann as Gabriel von Eisenstein

Responses:

“William Shakespeare wrote: "To thine own self be true And it must follow, as the night the day Thou canst not then be false to any man" I believe this wise statement best applies to a woman A blonde woman Over the past three years she taught me And showed us all That being true to yourself never goes out of style Ladies and gentlemen Our valedictorian: Elle Woods!” - legally blonde the musical

eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs

woooooorrrrd

Finally Jonas has graduated! It’s about time, considering he’s an international star.

what my professors think they look like

Prof. Dr. Dr. When someone tells him there are more than two genders

'and since you've now graduated high school, you'll be entering college etc. blablabla' .........meanwhile, there's a whole row of graduates daring each other to chug the cheap vodka one of them has brought in gallons (yes that happened at my graduation, lol)

Jonas darling baby <3-- can’t argue with that

I just realized I have no idea what the actual fuck happens in an opera

ok this one is just what jonas kaufmann always wears you can't fool me.

"as valedictorian i will share with you the importance of loving the floor"

"Yes, mother, my art degree will make me money!"

Graduation speakers are out, singers are in

Senior year takes a new meaninbg

mansplainer professor explains the concept of feminism to women

Your Prof when you finally turn in that missing assignment be like

younger boris johnson (derogatory)

jonas kaufmann retires from opera and takes up motivational speaking

What a fine graduation evening we’re having today

-70 points for slytherin you all have no swag

A man with a college hat sings.

An obviously greying actor trying to play a university student in a low-budget porn parody

How it feels to graduate high school after being held back for years

East High is a place where teachers encouraged us to break the status quo and define ourselves as we choose. Where a jock can cook up a mean crème brûlée, and a brainiac can break it down on the dance floor-

I may not have been "cool" in high school, but in ten years you will all be working for me!

I finally got my GED!

that one guy in ur intro to cultural anthropology class who mansplains to the professor somehow fucking graduated

he;s just graduating and taking his speech too serously idk

Graduation speeches with that one dude who got held back 3 times

Smrt

originally taken from: the Metropolitan Opera’s 2011 staging of Gioachino Rossini’s Le Comte Ory with Joyce DiDonato (left) as Isolier, Diana Damrau (center) as Countess Adèle, and Juan Diego Florez (right) as Le Comte Ory (disguised as a hermit)

Responses:

There is something very [disturbing grunts] About polyamorous couples - polyamorous, Chris Fleming

jinkies

femme fatale (including to herself)

I’ll have a threesome soon !

Hot guy walks by, everyone swoons.

thirdwheeling friend does not realize the other two are having sex

When your girlfriend had „just two beers“ again

jesus is exasperated about having to drag the two ladies towards doing what he needs them to do instead of purple dramatically declaring suicidal intent over the smallest trivial matters and red being equally dramatic about declaring that it's not the way! stay alive! i love you!!

The throuple is thriving

Get off the milf

orgy

my last three braincells because im a horny slut

countess receives too much love and is confused on how to react

Rasputin's lesser known romp with a much older czarina of russia

Woman's soul leaves body

Jesus and co. are worried after another woman gets pregnant without having sex

bisexual looks at photos of celebrity couples

When you go to the party to socialize with new people but your weirdo friend group starts getting clingy

Jesus cumming

one of those weird church christmas pageants but everybody's drunk

What have I done

Hozier??????????

Jesus assfucks some purple lady being hugged.

This time, the chick IS the magnet

An affair/threesome gone awry (2019 colorized)

What do you mean they canceled GLOW?

“I TOLD you it was cashmere!”

Are you wearing the - - The Gucci dress? Yes I am.

It's not what it looks like!

jesus is fucking that one cheerleader who grew up to be a suburban mom with one (1) super cool dress she stole from her kid who is desperately hugging her middle begging for it back because the spring fling is coming up and jason might actually make eye contact with her for more than three seconds.

jesus and mary magdaline and some other bitch

I’m at a bar and these drunk girls are flirting with me, do I lOOK GAY?!

Shrek 5, jesus's return

c. 2025 First attempt of an Officer and his Wife with a Handmaiden (colourized)

just about all of these are close lol

originally taken from: the Bolshoi Theater’s 1993 staging of Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky’s The Maid of Orléans, featuring Nina Rautio (left) as Joan of Arc and Vyacheslav Pochapsky (right) as Thibaut d’Arc

Responses:

Don’t look, I’m still pooping

yall, the audacity of this man. he fuckin talked to me

*i can't even tell you how wrong you are* *it would be insulting to ME*-- closest

Cospeto!

„No I’m not talking to you, you keep cracking bad jokes!“ - „But I got another!“

when you’re mad at him but he says he’ll buy you food if you cheer up

When I’m wallowing in self-pity but my friends won’t comfort me

right: wanna fuck ;) left: yeah, fuck OFF lmao

Her face is screaming “don’t tell me what to do”

Yeah I got nothing

gay man tries to hit on a lesbian bc he thinks she's a twink. she's not amused but she's watching this happen anyway

me tired of MET's bullshit and them organising a Netrebko, known blackface apologist, a recital during Black History Month. (sorry im still fucking salty lol)

"stop smiling at me like that I'm trying to pout over here"

"I got fleas, you got fleas... wanna fuck?"

I have the best idea!

Haha nooooo don’t hit me with that bat you’re so sexxyy

lesbian is bothered by dilf

Me trying to flirt

if call me by your name was hetero and set in america

how many more dad jokes can i take before i explode

So. You’ve gotten yourself in a little pickle again.

What if we fought in the Russian revolution together ✨???????... unless??

Two people flirt in a poor place of town/

"If you ask me what I've got under this dirty, shapeless tunic one more time I swear to god I will kick your rotting teeth in"

You look like ur gonna kill me but ok

Really? You again?

Okay, I’ve been sitting here for 20 minutes, do you think it’s safe to—oh god, he’s still there.

Have you seen Godot?

she is tired of everyone’s shit. she has done so many derivatives it physically pains her to see a variable. dont test her. ur icarus rn.

idk pick better pictures-- I HAVE DIED THE SHEER AUDACITY AND HUBRIS I LOVE THIS

200% done with your crap 

Homeless man has fucking legs of steel n is gonna show off his Russian dance moves

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2019 staging of Paul Dukas’ Ariane et Barbe-bleue, featuring Sophie Koch (right) as Ariane and I don’t remember who the person on the left is rip me

Responses:

The knight who wore this into battle sure was swaggy

dear god its hiddeous

Capitalism

Knight in shining armour gone even more wrong.

ghost contemplates the safety of spiky motorcycle helmet

„Stop! He feels bullied!“

'this is my newest take for jesus's crucifixion crown ...... what do you mean they already put him up'

That’s probably a really expensive magic helmet idk. IDK-- closest

Omg I love the adventure zone!

minesweeper (windows xp)

"Okay whatever you do don't touch the shiny spiky ball" "It's so shiny I wanna touch it"

Taking down the trash way too late

IT'S NOT A PHASE MOM

Darth Vader got stuck in the freezer.... again. Leia isn’t happy

Star Wars 2030

“And here is the very latest in motorcycle helmet trends” “Look, I only came to the mall for a pair of socks “

futuristic kkk

long-suffering jewelry store attendant really wants to retire

Put it down put it down put it down

“Hmm no you should see a doctor about that”

A weird ass crown is presented

The creation of sars-cov-2: an experimental Eurotrance nightclub art piece gone horribly wrong

How it feels to want something that u cant have

AND WE WILL CALL IT—SPIKE MAN actually do you think that’s too obvious?? Because of the—yeah, because of the spikes?? See, that’s what I’m worried about. I want it to be SCARY

I know it's risky but... lube me up

?

use the force luke.

that is a weird fleshlight

When you get an ugly gift and need to find a way to get rid of it, so your family member/friend offers to smash it

Touch the orb

originally taken from: the Opera Vlaanderen’s 2019 staging of Fromental Halévy’s La Juive, with Nicole Chevalier (left, with bottle) as Princess Eudoxie, Enea Scala (center, under table) as Prince Léopold, and Roy Cornelius Smith (right) as Éléazar

Responses:

When no one comes to your birthday party :(

fantastic, day 487 of mischief and they have yet to find my masterful hiding spot

i really wonder who he thinks he's playing footsie with

Marriage crisis. Reason sits under the table-- closest but not in the way you think (after all, the man under the table IS a tenor).

the last supper afterparty after jesus left

When you order the last supper on wish

espionage at the Politischer Rosenmontag

Probably the wrong opera but is that Leporello under the table

Now THIS is a Good Friday night

this was every birthday party i went to between the ages of 5 and 11

that awkward moment when you drop your fork under the table but when you re-emerge everyone else has left except one drunk lady and the guy trying to deal with her

After the last supper

Tfw you arrive to the dinner party too early and have to hide until a more fashionable hour

When the cishets aren’t home

waiter hides from customers

Nobody: My dog every time I’m eating:

what's left of the homies Jesus had dinner with

university chem lab experiment gone terribly wrong

I’ve been under the table FOR 30 MINUTES

Set your friends up by tossing them off under the table, they’ll think it’s each other n fall in luv

Someone hids under a table

"You're about to see an surreptitious-under-the-table-dick-sucking master at work"

5 yr old me trying to eat the desert under the table without my parents finding out be like:

They never invite me to their parties!

Just another girl’s night in

Oops! Didn’t notice you the table.

dionysus - bts (2019, colorized)

just a normal episode of eric andre (eric is the one under the table)

Just a normal day with the boys

Thievery

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Kate Aldrich (left, surrounded by women in white) as Fidès and John Osborn (center, looking like a Jesus doppelganger) as Jean de Leyde

Responses:

Hold up, is that Eggman above Jesus?

holy disco

Looks like Tannhäuser. Our lord and saviour Richard Wagner. Now I need to be saved from that.

catholicism

me defending pineapple on pizza (THANK YOU)

jesus but hes about to be abducted by the alien ufo above him

Emmmmmmm Heaven? Idk

Lord of the rings?

ewww christianity gross

"behold, I am Important"

"Seriously?? It's not ACTUALLY pyjama day? Fuck you guys!"

Jesus at the Disco

Jesus Finds The Molerat People Who Live Under Bethlehem

disco is heaven

Want to join my new religion?

the kkk

church christmas pageant where everyone's sober but it's based on the director's fever dream

Am I the only one who sees the giant demon? Just me? Okay...

“Oh god I think I’m starting my period”

A party is held with a priest in the middle

"Let's get this secret Vatican sex party rolling!"

The new avengers endgame set is looking great!!

You know, guys, I try not to be a bother but...I can’t help but feel like I missed a dress code memo for this wedding??? It’s cocktail, right??”

Jesus visits Hogwarts

I must really stink if no one will even come close to me

the extra ass funeral i DESERVE

star wars life day

A cult at it’s best-- closest

Shrek 5, Jesus is still there I guess

originally taken from: the Royal Opera House, Covent Garden’s 2013 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Les vêpres siciliennes, featuring Bryan Hymel (left, standing) as Henri, Lianna Haroutounian (center, kneeling in the black gown) as Duchess Hélène, and Erwin Schrott (kneeling to her right) as Jean Procida

Responses:

When the director’s like “great rehearsal guys, just a few notes before I let you go” but it’s already 9:13 and your mom’s waiting in the parking lot

loyalist of subjects

bow before your queen

They forgot to take down the stage boxes after the Vienna opera ball but the show must go on.

somebody forgot to book chairs for this funeral

Me sharing God’s (Hayley koyoko) word on the discord server

mass execution bc the oboe solo sucked ass-- closest

That’s too many black suits I can’t see shit

I can’t even tell what’s going on here

8th grade school assembly about how it's uncool to shit on the walls at school

let's all get fancy so we can go to the opera and sit on the stage (idk this one's hard lol)

"Yes i am a time traveller, now don't freak out"

Tfw you forget to pay your lighting bills

White guys make decisions that will benefit them and screw someone that’s not a white guy over-- OUCH but that is too real (although not really in context here)

dead man gives speech at his own funeral

brotus and the boys ??? last meeting before the stabbing

high society social function ends in mass murder-- right opera, wrong scene

Someone walks into the talent show stage with a dog

Black-dressed bitches worship a man.

Worst school assembly of all time

POV:You're the window in the classroom and someone said "its snowing"

When the conductor shows up fashionably late to the orchestra concert

That's what you get for choosing the cheapest ticket option, get back in the mud where you belong

?

theyre just trying to jump into a grave at a funeral leabe them alone this is normal

oh my god he really whipped his dick out in front of everyone, this is just like in 1776 guys, except some women are actually in the room this time,

A funeral, stop wearing so much black

I want to slap their bald heads like rice

originally taken from: the Teatro Real Madrid’s 2018 staging of Gaetano Donizetti’s Lucia di Lammermoor, featuring Roberto Tagliavini (right) as Raimondo

Responses:

Crowd “haha!! Looks like someone missed the all-black memo!! Now it’s laugh-in-your-face time! / Guy on the floor (whispering to guy against wall): go, save yourself! I’ll hold them off...”

if i leave now i wont be a witness and can tell the police i had no idea

it was the best of times, it was the worst of times

Guy in the back pretends to help but is to far away to even know what’s going on.

priest walks in on beginning of an orgy, contemplated joining but is too scared-

when someone brings up capitalism but you’re just trying to play minecraft

lol lets trample this guy while the judge isnt looking

Again. Too many black costumes

Loved this Dostoevsky novel

i would know if opera directors were more creative with clothing choices ngl

me on parties lol

"imma just sneak out of here while everyone else is distracted"

"Where did he get this flooring!? Amazing!"

Everyone act normal!

The tell tale heart but they got REALLY drunk

man tposes to ward off vampires after being caught undercover

boys ???? night

the priest really shouldn't have visited the insane asylum-- closest

He’s FINE everyone’s been hit by a car before

Something happens in a room.

Perks of being a wallflower

There's always that one person in the fight whos trying not to get involved when they really wanna

Oh good, they’re all posing for a Rembrandt painting, I can just sneeeeaaak out the back here...

The gamer livestreaming Resident Evil + everyone watching the stream ? waiting for him to open the door just knowing it will trigger a chase scene

Quick!

the guy t posing in the back is regretting his every decision.-- also accurate

the us senate jumps ted cruz, some other wack ass gop senator is trying to sneak away

...I spoke too soon, however this is a James Bond mission

Queers help fellow queer do math but it's a struggle

[taeken-my-heart]

Revenant Chapter 3

Summary: You’d always been told that when you died that you’d walk into the light towards Heaven. Only problem is, you died and the light never showed up. Now you’re attached to a handsome but grumpy and sleep deprived medical student and neither one of you knows what to do to get you to finally cross over.

Rating: PG15

Pairing: Namjoon x Reader

Genre: Fluff, angst, Ghost!au, MedicalStudent!Namjoon

Word Count: 5433

Warnings: Mentions of physical abuse and one seizure in future chapters.

.

.

The rest of Namjoon’s shift, you spent in a daze. He worked shadowing his nurse, Sasha, quietly and efficiently, occasionally sending you worried glances.

  His concern was sweet, but made you feel a little annoyed all the same. You didn’t like feeling so out of control, like a damsel in distress waiting for someone else to solve her problems for her. The good news was that you weren’t dead…the bad news was pretty much everything else. 

Where was your family? Were you truly alone there in that bed? Did no one claim you or did they not know? You’d heard of comas before, of course you had, but your knowledge on them was limited. It seemed like people were either in short comas, a rare extended coma for years at a time…or they eventually died. 

You wondered, not for the first time, what you had left behind when you’d suddenly…well, you couldn’t explain what you were experiencing currently. Perhaps the “between” of life and death. Regardless, you wondered if anyone was missing you; if anyone even noticed you were gone. If you slipped away, perhaps no one would even notice. Or, and maybe worse, perhaps you’d wake up and find that there was no one there waiting for you. 

Maybe Namjoon would stick around. Maybe Jimin would actually be excited to see what you look like. It was all speculation and it really wasn’t getting you anywhere except for a reality you weren’t sure existed for you anymore…but somehow, it made you feel a little better. 

. .

The subway ride home was silent. All seats taken, both you and Namjoon stood by the doors. His hand wrapped around the leather strap above his head and you leaned against metal bars as the train lurched to a start. Being with him was almost like being alive; the familiarity of the screeching wheels across the tracks almost bringing back memories. That tickling familiarity of something you can’t quite remember but is scratching right at the surface. It was nice.

You took time to study the passengers in the same car as you. All tired from a long day of work; the air was stuffy with the heat of their exhaustion. Namjoon himself leaned into his arm; eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks as he stared blankly through the glass of the windows. His fatigue was palpable and you found yourself wishing you could reach out to him. To rub the weariness from his eyes.

You followed after him quietly at his exit, moving towards the direction of his apartment. The crowds thinned the further you got from the station until it was just the two of you walking along the sidewalk under the hanging leaves of maple.

The evening had cooled into pleasant warmth by the time you’d reached Namjoon’s apartment building. You almost regretted having to go inside when it felt so nice out, but you coveted the company of the one person who could see you so you followed him through the lobby and into the elevator.

Jimin arrived home not long after Namjoon had finished his shower. He watched his friend shuffle around the room looking cozy and warm in flannel bottoms and a long white t-shirt, drying his hair with a towel. You watched as Jimin surveyed the room curiously, eyebrows creasing at the silence.

You sat at the loveseat by the window, staring out into the quickly darkening evening, deep hues of crimson electrifying the sky one more time before the dark finally silenced it. “Is Y/N not here anymore?” Jimin asked his friend.

You watched from the corner of your eye as Namjoon’s eyes shifted to you before he mumbled an explanation to his friend. You didn’t need to be close enough to hear; you knew he was telling him about today.

“That’s good news, isn’t it?” Jimin asked loudly, eyes bouncing around the room as though he might find you. “Where is she?”

Namjoon looked towards you, nodding in your direction and Jimin’s eyes shifted your way. Once again, you found yourself wishing you weren’t invisible. “That’s good isn’t it, Y/N? You’re not dead, just in a coma!”

Namjoon groaned softly, shaking his head. “It’s never “just” a coma, Jimin. Be a little more sensitive; I’m sure it was shocking for her to see.”

Jimin muttered a soft apology and you sighed. Namjoon looked back at you. “It’s not even that, it’s just…no one was there with me. What if I died and no one cared? Or…what if I woke up and no one cared?”

“I would care!” Namjoon said and Jimin startled at his volume. “No matter what happens, you’ve got me. You wouldn’t be alone.”

“Me too!” Jimin said, nodding enthusiastically. “That made sense with what she said, right?” He whispered to his friend who nodded and you smiled.

“Thanks.” You mumbled before standing, making your way over to where they stood. Jimin’s eyes were still trained on the window and you grinned, looking over at Namjoon. “What are you guys having for dinner tonight?”

“She wants to know what we’re gonna eat tonight.” Namjoon said.

“Oh!” Jimin said with a hum, “I was thinking steak and potatoes.”

“You don’t have to shout.” Namjoon chuckled as you flinched away from his volume. “She’s standing right in front of us.”

Jimin smiled bashfully, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Sorry.”

“Do you mind if I sit with you? I know it’s hard having a conversation because Jimin can’t see or hear me…but I’d like to have the company right now.” You said softly, looking between the two.

Namjoon nodded, “of course you can join. Jimin, you want me to take potatoes?” Jimin nodded, patting his friend on the arm before heading to the fridge, pulling out a package of thawed steaks as Namjoon made his way to the pantry, pulling out a bag of potatoes and throwing some into the sink to wash.

“Jin should be home in an hour so if we time this right, we could be getting finished right when he gets back.” Jimin said, clattering around under the hob in search of a decent pan.

“I’m sure he’d appreciate a warm dinner.” Namjoon hummed and you moved to stand beside him.

“Who’s Jin?”

“He’s our other roommate,” Namjoon said, glancing at you from the corner of his eye. “He graduated college last year; works in investment. He’s been on a business trip the last 5 days and his flight is actually probably landing right about now.”

“How long have you guys known each other?” You asked, leaning your back against the counter beside him. His eyelashes were surprisingly long; long enough to make any woman jealous. His cheeks dimpled as he drew his bottom lip between his teeth, chewing softly. He flipped the water on, scrubbing the potatoes one by one as he answered.

“Actually, we’ve all been friends since elementary school. Jimin and Jin are cousins and when my family moved to the same neighborhood as Jimin’s, we just kind of met organically.”

“I wish I could tell you about my own life.” You bemoaned, “But unfortunately I don’t remember really anything.”

“Someday.” He said, turning to you with a smile, cheek dimpling in once more and your heart fluttered wild. “Someday you can tell us all about your life.”

You stood chatting with them for the next hour while they cooked, wishing you could help. As it was, everything seemed to be going straight through your hands these days. When you’d first arrived in this in between place, you’d almost been able to move things. Everything had felt a little more solid, a little more concrete, but now it seemed like the world was becoming like the wispy memories of a dream.

Jimin was just pulling the tray of roasted vegetables from the oven, when keys in the front door alerted you to the arrival of the final roommate. You moved towards it, enjoying for once the ability your “in between” gave you to be a creeper unseen. Aside from Namjoon, of course.

The front door swung open revealing an extremely handsome man in a dark blue business suit, ebony hair pushed back and away from his face. “Is there a website where you find all these good-looking roommates?” You quipped lightly, “Hotguy.com? Maybe I can search for a boyfriend on there if I wake up.”

Namjoon gave you a tight-lipped smile before turning his attention to his roommate with a loud greeting. It seemed that you would be going back to invisible now that Jin was home. You didn’t really mind, though; you understood. Having to explain to Jimin had been trying enough, he didn’t need to risk another person thinking he was crazy for your sake.

“My bro’s!” Jin shouted loudly, leaving his suitcase by the door and coming in to give hugs. “Steak? You guys are the best! I’m starving.”

“Yeah, grab a plate and load up. Everything is ready.” Jimin said, sending Namjoon a look.

Jin filled his plate with steak, mashed potatoes, and roasted vegetables before sitting heavily at the table and taking the knife and fork Namjoon handed to him with a thank you. “How was your trip?” Namjoon asked, coming to sit down beside him with his own plate. He’d made a well in the middle of his potatoes, filling them so full of gravy that it had gone spilling over the rest of his plate.

It looked delicious and you pouted sadly at the sight. What you wouldn’t give to have a bite. “Trip was good,” Jin said, cutting off a huge chunk of sirloin and shoving it in his mouth. “Different way of life out there, man. Everyone’s just really slowed down, taking things one moment at a time. And the women…I’ve never seen so many gorgeous women in my life. I spent most nights lounging out on the beach, taking in the view.”

“I heard they’ve got a great club scene.” Jimin said excitedly, scooping potatoes up with his spoon and sending his cousin a look.

“Definitely, though I only went out one night. Too many early mornings to make clubbing on weeknights reasonable.”

“Old man.” Jimin scoffed playfully. Jin smacked him hard and Namjoon chuckled.

“Ya, have some respect.” Jin scolded and you watched enviously as he polished off the last of his steak, moving on to the pile of potatoes. “You won’t be in your early 20’s forever. Besides, I’m only three years older than you!”

“Did you bring me something back, mom?” Jimin teased. Jin scowled then sniffed, shaking some hair out of his eyes.

“I might have brought you something.” He mumbled begrudgingly and Jimin tore from his seat to grab his cousin’s suitcase and drag it into the kitchen. “Hey! The wheels are dirty!” Jin complained, but Jimin paid him no mind.

Tearing the zipper down, he laid the hard-shell suitcase on its side, opening to an explosion of clothes and a couple gift bags rumpled in the center. “Which one’s mine?” He asked greedily. Jin pointed to the small blue bag, reaching over to grab the green one next to it and handing it to Namjoon.

“This is for you,” he said bashfully, “they’re nothing big, just little trinkets from a beach side hut I was passing one night. Reminded me of you guys.”

Jimin tore into the wrapping in his own bag, pulling out a puka shell necklace before shouting out an excited exclamation of appreciation. Namjoon was much more composed as he opened his own. He pulled a small wooden turtle keychain from the packaging, examining it carefully.

It was beautiful and intricate, made from rich koa wood and looking like it had been hand whittled with a pocket knife. As Jin began to explain his conversation with the owner of the small hut, you decided that it probably was hand made.

You moved closer to Namjoon, examining the workmanship over his shoulder. “Thanks, hyung.” Namjoon said, smiling at his friend. “If I ever get to go anywhere, I’ll make sure to bring something back for you.”

Jin waved him off, pulling the empty plates from the table and running the water in the sink as it turned from cold to warm before plugging the drain and squirting globs of soap. He slid the plates into the water to let them soak. “I don’t expect anything from you guys; besides, I’ve already got a great job, decent pay, a nice apartment, and an incredibly handsome face, it’s my duty to treat you guys as a thank you to the universe for truly giving me it all.”

Jimin scoffed loudly, rolling his eyes as he fiddled with the clasp of his new necklace. “Talk louder, hyung, they can’t hear how obnoxious you are in Antartica and the whole world truly deserves to know.”

“I just gave you a really nice gift!” Jin complained loudly to their laughter, but you could see the smile in the corner of his lips and the glint of humor in his eyes. “And zip my suitcase back up, you slob. You dropped my Ralph Lauren shirt on floor!”

Jimin laughed, leaning over and shoving everything back into Jin’s suitcase with little to no care before zipping it back up and sitting it back on its wheels.

“I think I’m gonna get ready for bed.” Namjoon said, standing and stretching his arms over his head. A sliver of skin came into view, in between the flannel of his pajama bottoms and the soft cotton of his t-shirt and you found yourself suddenly thirsty. “Didn’t get much sleep last night and I’ve got another early morning tomorrow.”

He exchanged goodbyes with his roommates before sending you a final soft smile, retreating to his bedroom and closing the door.

. .

Seeing your body again in the morning light was as strange as it was the day before, though you were more prepared this time. You moved back towards the top of your bed, watching as your chest rose and fell. Namjoon stood on the other side, stethoscope attached to his ears and lingering over where your heart was.

You could almost feel the chill of the metal as it glided across your chest, searching for whatever he needed to fill in notes on his clip board. You reached towards yourself, fingers gliding across wisps of your hair. “Namjoon,” you whispered, and he looked up at you. “I can feel my hair. It’s faint…but I can feel it.”

“Really?” He asked excitedly, “maybe being beside your body is a good thing. Maybe it will help you to wake up.”

You were about to say something more when conversation from the hallway distracted you and a group of people suddenly entered the room. An older woman, perhaps in her 50’s, a man not so much older with an athletic build and thinning hair, two younger men, not much older than yourself, and a young girl, clinging to the dress of the woman.

Namjoon looked from you to them, but your vision suddenly tunneled as the little girl ran towards your bed. You followed her with your eyes, as she rushed out to hold your hand, tear stained face pinched as she cried out a soft, “mommy!”

“Mommy?” You murmured as all the noise of the room ceased and like the whistle of a kettle, loud and screeching in your brain, all memory came flooding back. Your parents, your brothers, your abusive ex-boyfriend- your daughter. “Cora.” You exhaled, watching as she clung to your hand, holding it up to her little face.

You remembered it all. The bat he’d brought with him, the anger, the excuses, the pain of a beating you’d thought for sure would kill you. You reached up to touch the side of your face, finding tears in place of blood as you watched the rest of your family greet Namjoon.

He explained to them briefly how you were doing this morning, chancing glances over at you, but your gaze had returned to that of the little girl standing beside your bed. Your daughter. How could you have ever forgotten her? The spitting image of you, you once again thanked the heavens she hadn’t inherited anything from her father but his height.

She was tall for a four-year-old, usually lively, and happy. Tear-stained cheeks were whiplash for you and you longed to reach for her and hold her in your arms. When you’d first found out you were pregnant with her, it was a hugely bitter pill to swallow.

She wasn’t unwanted, but the permanent connection to her emotionally and physically abusive father left you feeling like a sinking ship. You’d felt overwhelmed by the decisions you faced, especially daunting due to your young age. The situation was terrifying, but you were not one to depend on others and you immediately rose to the challenge.

It was difficult at first. No, it was still difficult…but she was worth it. You only regretted that the time it took to make money to keep the two of you afloat was time you were unable to spend with her. You felt cheated as you looked down at her; of all the time you could have spent with her up until this moment that was all now gone.

Things could have been different, if you had waited, if you’d been patient enough to find a man worthy of being her father. Someone responsible and loving. Like Namjoon. You looked over at him as he stood by the door. He nodded at you before stepping from the room and you appreciated him now more than ever. You needed this time to be with your family, even if they couldn’t see you.

“Oh, my darling.” You heard your mother say from the other side of the bed and you turned to face her as she leaned down, dropping a kiss onto your forehead. “I’m sorry we couldn’t be here yesterday, but we’ve got good news! As you know, Tim was arrested and we’re moving forward with the charges. We had to talk to our lawyer yesterday and that’s why we couldn’t be here. They found the weapon, though. He won’t get away with this. He won’t.”

The tremble in her voice broke your heart. You wanted to tell her that it was all ok, that you were there and could hear her…but of course it wasn’t all ok, you weren’t even sure you’d ever wake up, though you felt a lot more hopeful today. You had something to live for; people who loved you and wanted you back with them. You weren’t alone like you’d feared.

“It’s good to see you here, Y/N.” Your brother, Luke, murmured, rubbing his hand up and down one of your legs and you could feel the tingles of pressure. It made you want to cry from joy. That had to be a good sign, it just had to be! “For a while there you really scared us…we weren’t sure…well, we just didn’t know what would happen. You being here is good, though. This is a move in the right direction.”

“When will mommy wake up?” Cora sighed and you turned to look down at her. She was clinging to the limp hand at your side, pressing it up against her cheek and your heart hurt.

“Come here, lovey.” Your mom said, waving her over and Cora let go of your hand with a pout, making her way to her grandmother’s lap and allowing herself to be coddled.

You were so grateful to have such a good family. If you were to die, you knew Cora would be taken care of, that she would be OK. That thought gave you a lot of peace and you sat down on the edge of your hospital bed to hear them all talk.

It was strange to not be able to contribute to their conversation, but you were glad to at least be hearing and seeing them. You could say your piece later, when you woke up. Luke told you all about his girlfriend, how he was thinking about proposing soon, but he wanted you to be awake first. You wished you could tell him to just do it! They’d been dating for five years now and Emma was like a sister to you.

Your other brother, Ethan, told you he’d recently broken up with his girlfriend. You didn’t mind that so much since she’d been a prima-donna and you knew your whole family agreed. He smiled when he said it so you had the feeling he wasn’t really hurting from the change of relationship. Your dad was thinking of retiring. Then again, he’d said this once a year for the last three years, so you weren’t so sure about his follow through on this one either.

You sat with them until they had to go. Cora was complaining of hunger and your mom looked like she needed a nap. You followed them to the door and walked with them as they made their way to the elevator. You knew if you went any further, you may not be able to get back to your body, so you watched as your family stepped into the elevator, pushing the button for the 1st floor. It felt strange to wonder if you’d see them again. The doors closed slowly and you kept your eyes trained on your daughter until the very last second when the polished steel shielded her entirely from view.

You wandered the halls after that, looking casually for Namjoon, but mostly enjoying the solitude. You had a lot to think about at the moment and didn’t mind so much being alone. You were kept company by the whirl of the air conditioning and chatter of nearby doctors and nurses.

There was something appealing about being here. To watch people helping other people, people like you, through difficult times in their life. You could only imagine it was fulfilling. Difficult, but really made you feel like you were doing something good. It was probably too late to go to college now, but maybe you could do something like this if you ever woke up.

Your mom always liked to say, “now’s not the time for never.” As a child, it made absolutely no sense to you, but as an adult you could appreciate the sentiment. There was always another day to try something new. You weren’t sure what that would be yet, but it gave you another thing to look forward to for when you woke up.

When Namjoon’s day was over, you followed him back towards home, welcoming the air conditioning of his apartment. Jimin nor Jin were home yet, so you moved towards the living room to sit down. “How you feeling?” Namjoon asked gently from his place on the other side of the kitchen island.

You looked over at him, his perfectly styled hair still in place. He was wearing glasses now, pushed right up against his face and he looked tired from the long day. “I’m alright.” You murmured. “Actually, I’m better than alright. I’m good; great even. I remember everything, my family, my daughter, my beating, unfortunately. But remembering is good; it gives me something to fight for.”

“So that was your daughter?” Namjoon asked, coming to sit down beside you.

You nodded, pulling your feet up underneath you on the couch. “Yeah, she’s four. She was, of course, a surprise. It’s unfortunate that her father is who he is, but I’ve never regretted her. She’s always been a blessing.”

“What’s her name?”

“Cora.” You smiled and Namjoon’s head tilted in interest, grin peeling his mouth upwards.

“Didn’t you think you had a cat named Cora?” He chuckled.

“Yeah,” you laughed, tugging at the end of your shirt. “Turns out it was my kid.”

“Do you mind if…can I ask about what happened? Why he did…what he did?” Namjoon asked carefully.

You paused a moment to think; to remember the details of the last few years. “Tim…he’s always been present in Cora’s life, mostly at least, but the last few years he was becoming more irresponsible, a little more unhinged. We haven’t been together for years, since I was pregnant, and so she was with me a majority of the time. Recently she started telling me about things he was doing while she was there that made me feel concerned.”

“I started dating him when I was going through a rebellion phase. I felt like my parents were too restrictive and he represented everything they opposed so I was drawn to him. Stupid, yeah, but I was 17. Anyway, when I got pregnant and decided to keep the baby, I just realized that everything he was doing was not the right environment for a child so we broke up. Problem is, even when Cora came along, he kept doing those things and it got worse every year.”

“So, a few months ago I started seeking full custody and we got in a big fight about it. He said I was wrong to try and take his kid away from him and I told him if he cleaned up his act, I wouldn’t have to do it. Of course, I want Cora to have her dad in her life, but he’s a mess. Anyway, he didn’t like that, so early one morning when I’d gotten off work and he knew Cora was with my parents, he came by to “talk.” We both know how that ended up. I guess he thought that if I were dead, there’d be no custody battle.”

Namjoon’s expression was hard to read as he stared down at the carpet, absorbing the information. His body language was anything but. Shoulders bunched stiff and hands squeezed white in his lap, he looked up at you with a scowl. “He deserves to get what he gave.” He muttered angrily and you smiled, reaching out to touch his hands.

“I imagine he’ll get a taste of his own medicine when he goes to prison.” You soothed.

Namjoon stared down at your hand on his as though entranced and you began to wonder if the sensation was too strange to handle. Extracting your hand, you moved away slowly, but he reached forward as though to grab it back. “I could feel your hand more this time. It was still…different, but it felt like it had more presence.” He said in amazement.

“That’s got to be a good sign, right?” You smiled.  

“I would think so. I mean, there’s not documented cases like ours, though perhaps they’ve happened before. I can’t imagine many people will admit it out loud. But having a strong grasp of your senses seems positive!”

You hummed, leaning back into the couch cushions. “So, tell me about yourself, Namjoon. What’s your life been like? All I really know about you is that you’re studying to become a doctor and you think Eunae is the bee’s knees.”

“What are you, 80?” He flushed, running a hand through his hair and dislodging the gel holding it. “I just think she’s pretty, but we don’t really know each other. We talk sometimes in the hallways, but honestly, I think she might be into Hoseok.”

“Oh?” You asked at his shrug, “why do you think that?”

“He’s just so nice, girls really dig him. He’s completely oblivious, but I’ve seen the way she looks at him.”

“Do you think he’d be interested in her?” You asked carefully, watching his expression, but he was guarded in this moment.

He shrugged again. “Maybe. She’s nice and pretty and fairly outgoing. He likes that type of girl, but he’s also a loyal friend and he’d never make a move if he thought I wouldn’t like it…I don’t think I’d mind, though.”

“You wouldn’t mind him making a move?”

“Not really. I mean, don’t get me wrong, she’s still pretty and nice, but I don’t know, over the last few days my interest in her specifically has just kind of…waned.”

“Well, I guess that can be good.” You said with a smile, “I never liked being hung up on someone if it wasn’t going to move forward. Not to say you guys couldn’t move forward!”

He chuckled, waving off the comment. “I know what you mean. Besides, I tend to like the girl I could never have.”

You frowned, watching as he stood and moved back to the kitchen. “I think you could totally go on a date with her, if you asked. You’re handsome, smart, and nice. What’s not to like?”

“Thanks.” He flushed, pulling some juice from the fridge and going to grab a cup. “I’m not talking about Eunae, though. I just mean in general…I tend to like the girl that’s…untouchable.”

“On purpose?” You asked, bewildered and Namjoon laughed at your expression.

“No, of course not on purpose!” He huffed, sliding the bottle of juice back in the fridge and grabbing his cup. He made his way back to the couch, sitting back with a sigh. “It just ends up happening that way.”

“Well, what about your family?” You asked, turning to face him.

“Would I date them?” He smirked and you scoffed, smacking your hand against his shoulder.

“Ew, no! Just tell me about them, you weirdo.”

He laughed, eyeing your hand again as it settled in your lap before he resumed talking. “My parents live a few hours north, enjoying being empty nesters, I think. My little sister is in her second year of college and loving life. Studying criminology. I’ve got one amazing dog that is the true love of my life, and on weekends I like to do crossword puzzles on my phone.”

“Really?” You asked as he sipped at his juice.

“Yeah, really.” He chuckled. “It keeps my mind active.”

You sighed, comically loud, before turning to smile at him. “Well, I guess you are just as big a nerd as I thought.”

“Hey!” Namjoon scolded loudly and you laughed. The room returned to silence once more as you stared out the windows as the sky darkened. Namjoon finished his juice and placed it on the coffee table before he spoke again. “What do you think you’ll do when you wake up?

“When, huh?”

“Seems like a good chance of it, all things considered.”

You nodded with a smile. “I hope so. I suppose the first thing I’ll want to do is cuddle my baby. After that, I don’t know. Depends when I can get out of the hospital bed.” You thought for a moment about what you’d really like to do before something occurred to you. “Actually, what I’d really like to do is get a new job. I have two jobs right now that take the majority of my time and I don’t get to see Cora as much as I would like.”

“That’s my priority. After that…well…maybe I’d want to start dating again.”

Namjoon looked at you in surprise. “Oh? Do you have someone in mind?”

You shrugged, looking away from him. “I have someone in mind that I’d like to go on a date with, sure, but no point in getting hopes up about it now. I’ll wait until I wake up and go from there.”

“It’s Jimin, isn’t it?” He said it teasingly, but something in his expression was pinched and it didn’t look so much like he liked the thought of that.

You scoffed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You didn’t really want to play a guessing game about it; weren’t ready to admit it was him you were talking about. “How about I tell you when I wake up?”

“Fair enough.” Namjoon replied, rolling his eyes good naturedly. “I’m gonna hold you to it, though.”

“Sure.” You smiled.

Just then Jin and Jimin came banging through the front door, arms full as they made their way into the kitchen. “We brought the goods!” Jin hollered loudly as Jimin went back to close the front door.

“Chicken and beer. Come get some, Joon.”

You spent the rest of the evening huddled in the living room with them as they snacked on fried chicken and drank themselves to giggles. You wondered, not for the first time, why you couldn’t have met them before. Why you couldn’t have gotten to know them as someone real and tangible? Not some strange in between being. Why you couldn’t have been around Namjoon sooner. After all, when it really came down to it, he was now half the reason you wanted to wake up.

.

.

Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed and thank you for being patient. I’ve been home sick for the last two days so I was able to finish this chapter finally. Please let me know what you think, it means the world to me!

Previous

Next (finale)

Copyright © 2019 by Taeken-My-Heart. All rights reserved

[gabessquishytum]

Monster under the bed au has me imagining hob frantically googling how to invite a demon to live at your house. "Ugh! No! Im not looking to get RID of one!!" His roommates in the student apartment are like "hey hob whats with the creepy fucking altar on your side of the room now? I dont think were allowed to have candles bro :/" hob has 3 other guys living with him but theyre hardly ever home and when they are theyre stoned out of their minds or near comatose from a hangover. Hob gets to have his freaky demonic lover and hes gaslighting the SHIT out of these poor frat bros who think hob summoned a demon whos haunting their dorm. (He did). Its like the "dude youve gotta stop summoning demons in the dorm bro..." tumblr post.

-🔪

Asskdkfjsjsj I feel VERY amused by the idea of fratboy Hob just like. As a concept. But fratboy Hob who has summoned a monster/demon to live in the frathouse/dorm room? Even better. Fucking hilarious.

Hob has to do the MOST to hide the fact that Dream is absolutely a demon. When his bros walk in on their freaky makeout sessions and ask Hob about it later, Hob is in full denial. "No, what the hell, he's not a demon! He's just goth!" "Bro he has like 250 teeth. He's definitely a demon." "Well OK Chad I think you're just being homophobic actually."

It would help if Dream actually tried to be subtle, but he absolutely isn't. He enjoys making the walls bleed. He thinks it's artistic! Fortunately he has one tactic that actually does help: he supplies Hob with good weed, which he then passes on to the housemates. Dream won't ever say where he actually gets the weed from, but it's definitely the good stuff. Either that or the bros in the house just got used to Hob’s freaky boyfriend.

All the efforts are entirely worth it. It would be unbearable for Hob to be away from his beloved Dream for long. Now he has his special altar, and Dream can come and go as he pleases. He can slide into Hob’s lap when he's studying, or crawl into bed with him, or slither into the shower. Best of all he can fuck Hob to sleep every single night (with several long fingers shoved into his beloved's mouth. It would be impolite to wake up the rest of the household!)

[gabessquishytum]

When a skinny wirey hot goth walks into Hob's gym, Hob is pretty sure he's lost. Hob gym is more boxing, lifting, and working your aggression out on dudes heads or heavy bags; Hot! Goth looks like he needs smoothies and yoga mats and like he would turn his nose up at sweat that's not "glowing".

Matthew checked him in, so Hob didn’t even get a name before Hot! Goth took off his sweat jacket and started to lift --- Hob was mesmerized!

Hot!Goth was doing everything right (Hob wasn't perv-ing, he was just watching checking to make sure no one got hurt) so Hob couldn't even offer tips! And he was strong, he was lifting real weight and Hob maybe wanted to bite his biceps. Hob is just going to walk over and take a,,,,,, customer satisfaction survey, make sure new guy feels welcome,, offer a tour of the private showers.

Dream just wanted a place in his new neighborhood to workout - without all the himbos and people in the gym just to be seen. Dream was serious about his workout and this gym seems like a place to workout without the flash.....(and the day before he might have seen this hot sweats and ripped-off arms shirt wearing, manbun having, scorchingly hot guy walk in here while Dream was grabbing coffee.) Dream's trying not to be obvious about looking for someone specifically.

You sent this in a while ago but it's so on theme right now! Hell yeah!

And who could forget Tom's workout video when he was getting the "shaved panther" look for season 1.

Listen, Hob is trying his best. He's checked Hot Goth's form, and he's almost perfect. He doesn't seem interested in any of the classes or group sessions. And Hob is NOT going to accost the poor man at what is supposed to be a safe space. So, Hob keeps coaching his clients, running the gym in general and doing his own workouts. It's FINE.

Then one day, Hob is doing deadlifts when he notices that Hot Goth is trying to get his attention. His shirt seems to be absolutely soaking wet! "I knocked my water all over myself while I was getting off the machine. I hate to ask, but may I take my top off? I would like to finish my workout, if possible."

Hob is happy to say yes (he's horny. He's HORNY to say yes) and Hot Goth pulls off his shirt. He's got an absolutely glorious physique and Hob can barely keep in a squeak of delight.

Hot Goth looks pleased by Hob’s reactions, but he still looks like he wants to say something else. "I feel a little awkward." He murmurs, when Hob raises an eyebrow. "Being the only one."

And what us Hob supposed to DO?! He takes his own shirt off maybe too enthusiastically. It's bulking season (aka the best season) and he's feeling good in his body! Hot Goth's extremely appreciative, mouth opened stare does a lot for his confidence too.

Hob wonders for a few seconds if this is just a bros being bros, enjoying each other's manly tits thing. And then Hot Goth pretty much flutters his eyelashes. "I have been meaning to do some more cardio, if you would be amenable to joining me. Perhaps in your office, where we would not be disturbed?"

(It takes Hob an hour and 2(!!!) orgasms to get Hot Goth's name and number. He tells Matthew to give Dream a free subscription. Boyfriends get certain perks, you know?)