#Hinami is just watching like -_- Onii Chan I Don’t Need It That Much

[shewhoeatssand]

my headcanon is that kaneki would definitely develop a gacha addiction, like the actual machines in stores not like gensh!n

-egg

THANK YOU EGG GOD BLESS YOU ARE AN ANGEL!!!!! I LOVE YOU EGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can especially picture Shironeki playing gacha games with Hinami to try and win her a prize, but then becoming so absorbed in trying to get the best prize that he accidentally spends $100. He’s so amazing I love him so much

[medea10]

My Review of Eromanga Sensei

Huh? Darker Than Black?! Wait, isn't that a FUNimation title? FUNIMATION DUMPED THIS IN 2016. Aniplex has rights now. Of course they would. Okay. Darker Than Black it is.

[kirishimahinami]

Fostered Love Chapter 2

Chapters: Chapter 1

Summary: After talking to her teacher and crush, Fueguchi Hinami decides to take up the extra credit suggestion he had presented. Through it she gets to know :re orphanage and it’s associates - as well as Kirishima Ayato, that from now on shall be her partner in babysitting.

Notes: ah! finally I’m done with chapter two. i am so excited for this chapter, because I’m introducing more of the world of fl, and more of the plot. it took me a lot of time to decide if it’s good to introduce it now but i decided it is, and i’m really proud of this chapter, all in all. I REALLY HOPE YOU ALL LIKE IT, because I certainly enjoyed writing it. 😊

Chapter Summary:   Ayato has regrets and decides to take action. Kaneki talks with Hinami about returning to the orphanage, and Hinami, has to decide if it’s worth returning, while she has to deal with another kid, that awaits her at the hospital. (6.1k)

"Do you realize what you’ve done?!” Touka slams her fist against the dinner table, every fiber of her being fuming as she watched her little brother flinching in response. Making the new volunteer run, one that they needed, that would be significant help to this place, was just inexcusable. “For once, can’t you act like an adult?! I don’t care if you are mad at Kaneki, she’s only his student! She’s only a student!”

“Fuck, I know! I know that!” Ayato runs a hand through his hair, screaming back despite his voice cracking. There was a bile in his throat that refused to go down, just like how the guilt that possessed him refused to disappear. “Aneki, I didn’t think this would happen! I was angry hearing he was trying to weasel back into our liv-”

“And guess what? Now I’m going to have to call him and tell him you made one of his top students cry. I hope you are real proud of yourself.” She tells him as she pulls out her phone and aggressively diales a number. “I am going to to ask Kaneki to try and ask her to return, and if she does you are going to beg for her forgiveness. And I’ll say it again, this is not up for debate.” She informs him and storms out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

Ayato fell back on the chair that girl sat on before she ran away. He knows his sister is right. Despite all the bullshit that happened with Kaneki in the past, he shouldn’t have took out his anger on the girl. Even if to an extent he had wanted her gone, she was only here to help with the kids, and she would have probably been a good one - Akemi doesn’t usually warm up to people very quickly…

His head sinks into his hands. He messed up, and no matter how much he tried to justify it in his head he simply couldn’t. He had a rough day in college with some pricks and when Touka called and said Kaneki got them a volunteer, he got even more upset. That was all there is to it.

A part of him wants to yell out they could do just fine on their own like they always did, even when dad passed away, but he can’t lie to himself. Ayato knows how much they struggle. His sports scholarship is the only reason he got into college after all, and he already realized they can’t rely on the budget the government gives them. Yomo works every time he can, both Koma and Irimi are trying to find jobs as cooks. They have to, they need the money.

They needed more volunteers. His sister is on the verge of collapsing from exhaustion. As if he didn’t give her enough trouble as a preteen, having her practically raise him, now he scares off the first person that comes through the door and is willing to help them. That is willing to help her.

His breath is shaky and he simply wants the world to disappear at the moment. He has been through enough days that started and ended with him being bitter about everything, the helplessness around him closing in on him and trapping him against his will. He can’t deal with those days returning. It’s his worst fear, that they will return.

It is a touch of a small hand that brings him back into reality. Akemi was there, staring up at him with eyes gleaming with worry as she tried hard to not let any tears fall out of them. It hurt Ayato seeing her like this. When she was happy, Akemi was a small ray of sunshine. She was also the kid that was most attached to him out of the orphans they took care of. He felt as if he failed her.

“Onii-san… She was nice to us.” She murmured between her slightly quivering lips. “Was she a bad person?”

Ayato pats the girl’s head gently. He made a huge mistake, and karma was out to guilt trip him until he admits it completely. He wished he could have told her that yes, this was just a bad person. That all he had tried to do was ward her off so they could be happy and protected. But he couldn’t.

“No, she wasn’t.”

He almost wished she wouldn’t return. That he wouldn’t have to deal with Kaneki anymore, that he wouldn’t have to face her and admit his mistakes, that will haunt him anyways, like they always do. However, something else within him hoped she would return, just so he could apologize to her, face the consequences. So he wouldn’t return to how he used to be.

At the very least, he owes it to Touka and the children.

YOU GOT A TEXT MESSAGE!

From: Banjou-san

Hina, I’m really sorry I’m dragging you into this, but can you please come to the hospital?? Hajime just won’t listen to anyone. I think something made him upset yesterday but he just throws things at us if we try to talk to him..

Hinami turned off her phone and groaned. She promised Hajime she would come to visit him on Monday. Monday was yesterday. She forgotten to stop by the hospital after the fiasco in the orphanage… Hajime is an aggressive kid, too. Banjou must’ve been through hell. She’d have to go today.

She sighs again before turning her phone back on, quickly typing back she’d be there when school is over. It was lunch time now, so there are still a few good hours, but she knows it’ll be a bit of storm at the hospital. Hajime is a good kid within, she has no doubts about that, but the accident he’s been through made him very extreme.  

Chiasa and Kanna were chatting in front of her on a several things - about gossip they’ve heard, or their boyfriends, and things similar to that. Girl things. Sometimes she’d make a comment, or nod, but she wasn’t really in the mood for anything more than that. Yesterday still somehow made her feel like crap, no matter how much she tried to dismiss it away from her mind.

Neither of the two girls in front of her knew about it. Actually, nobody except those at the scene knew about it. That entire situation was humiliating to her. Even if all of those people were strangers, for the very little time she had been there before he came she did feel like she was fitting for that place. That she could really help out there.

Then comes that one guy that steps all over what you’ve build up. Kanna used that sentence on her last ex so many times, but somehow it feels like it fits much better here than it ever did with the boyfriend that she threw out of a window because of a missed phone call.

Speaking of Kanna, she seemed awfully jumpy about something as she started to slap Hinami’s arm. “Hina! Hina! look behind you!!” She said, as bubbly as ever. Hinami giggles at her friend’s sincere excitement, and does as she said.

Her giggles fade as she sees her teacher strolling down the student’s cafeteria, squinting his eyes as he’s looking for something. For someone. Hinami didn’t need anyone to give her a memo to realize her was looking for her. Kaneki’s eyes suddenly lock on her as he finds her within the crowd of teenagers, and he rushes towards her.

She turns around quickly, her heartbeat speeding up, and for all the wrong reasons. He was not some psychic to actually know about yesterday, right? No, but Kirishima-san might have told him… Either way, whether he knew or not, the only reason for him to come talk to her away from class is to know how stuff at the orphanage went. It was why she was avoiding him all morning.

“Hinami-chan?? He’s coming towards us! What did you do yesterday at that place? It seems like it worked like a good luck charm for you.. You’re always so lucky, I swear!!” Chiasa rambled on as he approached and Hinami felt cold sweat dripping down her face. She felt the exact opposite of lucky right now.

She feels his hand on his shoulder and she jolts up, leaving both Kanna and Chiasa to marvel at the scene with slacked jaws. “Ehm… Fueguchi-chan, if you don’t mind, may I talk to you privately for a few minutes? It won’t take long.” He asks her, and she bites her lips. Any other time she would have been so glad for something like this, but now…?

However, it’s not like she could say no.

“Y-yes.” She answers hesitantly, standing up. “I’ll return in a bit, Chi-chan, Kanna-chan.” She tells the two other girls, who nod profusely, as if they want their head to fall off. She then follows him away from the cafeteria while hearing something between squealing and mild screeching from them.

He takes her out to the hall, to an area that is rather empty of people. Hinami stands in front of him with her fingers twiddling nervously. He leaned against the wall to his side, and she could already see the pity in his expression. I didn’t want pity…

“I heard what happened, between you and Ayato-kun…” He started off. She sighed. Of course he knew. It was just the way fate messes with her all of the time. She averts his eyes from him, trying to focus them on the ground. This was even more humiliating now. Why!

“Touka-chan told me how sorry everyone are there. Ayato-kun especially. I know what he said really offended you, and it was really mean of him, but please try to understand.. The one he has a problem with is me. I’m really sorry that you got dragged into this.”

Seemed like she was getting dragged a lot today. Banjou-san, Kaneki-sensei… But really, she felt like she was dragging herself through the mud, trying to deal with all of this. She should’ve stayed home today, her record at school wouldn’t have been harmed that much by one day.

“I know this must be a lot to ask of you, but could you please go there again? Everyone to apologize, and they told me how good you’ve been with the children… You’d be such an amazing help there.” His hands were placed tightly against another, and he was practically begging of her with his eyes shut tightly and his back slightly hunched. Hinami’s eyes furrowed. She didn’t really want to…

“I don’t know, Kaneki-sensei…” She hesitated to actually give him a concrete answer. She wanted to comply with him, to make him happy. Back then when she was at loss he was the best teacher and person she could wish for. Hinami doesn’t want to disappoint him, but why should she return to a place where she was judged at for no reason?

“Fueguchi-chan, I know those two since I was young. They’re not liars, they won’t hurt you again. Please, give it another chance?” He pleads. Hinami bites the inside of her cheek. Her eyes are averting his, but she can hear how hopeful he is from his voice… Her hand behind her back clenches in a fist as she sighs and gives him a tight smile.

“I have to visit the hospital today… But I might drop by there afterwards…” She murmured, being fully aware of how half-hearted she sounded.

He sighs in relief and his hands drop down back to his side, finally. “Thank you so much, Fueguchi-chan! I promise that this time it would be better. Touka-chan would be so happy to hear about this. She was so worried…” He trailed off. “Uhm! Anyway, I need to go back to the faculty room. I’ll make sure she knows you will come!” He says and rushes away, barely even letting her react besides a confused wave of a hand.

The faculty room is in the opposite direction, and Hinami just stands there, somehow feeling worse than she had yesterday.

“Hina! It’s good to see you again.” Banjou exclaims as she walks into the hospital’s children department. His arms are thrown around her in an instant - basically covering all of her in his hug. He was a big, burly man, so against her short stature he looked particularly tall. It will never stop being funny to her how intimidating he looks, when in reality he’s nothing if not a gentle giant.

“Banjou-san!” Hinami hugs back, just as tightly. She has known him ever since he was only an intern in the hospital. Now he was already a doctor, and particularly specializes in pediatrics. Her father used to be the head of the children’s department, but he switched positions a year ago. She spent a lot of time hearing her father yell at the poor man, but no matter how strict her father was to him, Banjou never treated her differently.

Hinami let’s him go as they both go side by side in the department, which had a few drawings of cartoons and rainbows all across it, compared to the pristine white areas any of the adult patients had been residing.

“I’m so glad you’re here… You are really the only one he listens to, you know? I think he hates me especially. He tried throwing his spaghetti at me yesterday.” Banjou laughed, rubbing the back of his neck. Truth to be told, the food in the hospital was less than tasty, but not bad enough to make a kid want to throw it at his doctor. She had no doubt Banjou was worried for the kid, even if he wasn’t the nicest.

“I think he’s just upset… People do things they don’t mean when they are. And it may have been my fault, too. I promised to visit him yesterday. I’m sorry, Banjou-san…” She apologized. The few weeks she had known Hajime has let her know that his anger and determination knows no bounds, and not even a severed, failing lung can stop him. She could imagine the ruckus he had caused in her mind.

“It’s fine Hina. He’d… understand.” He says, despite being very unsure of it himself. “Maybe we just should go to his room and talk to him, he’d be alright… I think.” He laughs nervously, and Hinami forces out a strained chuckle to go with it. The tension in the air already foresees a storm.

They reach his room in what to Hinami feels like a blink of an eye. She barely even noticed her legs moving, yet somehow found herself in front of small whiteboard that was attached to the door, that had a few small, prettily written words on it.

Patient: Hajime Hazuki, 11

Banjou opens the door as he inhales deeply. “Hajime! You have a visitor!” He chippers cheerily as he walks in, Hinami in tow. The curtains are closed, and the room is rather dark, but you can make out Hajime’s bed and his outline under his blankets. He doesn’t move out of the position but she can see him shifting a bit.

“Come on, Hina came by, wake up!” The curtains were drawn away by Banjou, letting the sunlight once again enter the room. Now Hinami could also see the top of Hajime’s head. As well as hearing his hisses. He tosses his blankets off of him and grabs the first thing he sees near his bed. It’s a flower bouquet, probably wishing him health. He throws it at Banjou’s face with enough force that the hit causes some petals to fall off.

“Hajime… Those were flowers from the owner of the hospital…” The older man says, picking up the bouquet. Hajime shoots up to sitting position at those words.

“As if that matters! If he actually cared about me he would have come to see me!” He yells back, his eyes locked on Hinami rather than the doctor beside her. “Flowers aren’t going to make the difference for me.” He continued, breaking the eye contact.

Hinami frowns as she gets closer, taking a nearby stool so she could sit next to him. “Hajime-kun, please calm down… I’m sorry I missed yesterday. I know I promised… I forgot after something else popped up.” She’d rather just get this topic out of the way as soon as she can. If she’d avoid it he’d only retort.

“Heard about it from Doctor Fueguchi already. Orphanage, huh? Playing mother hen and her to be nuggets.” He was scowling at her. She tried to reach out for him, but he slapped her hand away. “Was it fun enough to make you forget? I bet it was. Actually being with people who are able to play and run around.” Hajime spouts bitterly.

“Hajime… It’s not about that…”

“Is it?! Because I waited these five days for you to come, and I needed you here because some crazy bitch that was in accident is willing to give me her lung for money, and I was sure I wouldn’t take it because she obviously is trying to rob all what my parents left me from my pockets - but should I reconsider? Would it make me worthy of your time?!” He screams as he holds onto the metal railings of the bed, shaking them.

Hinami closes her eyes shut for a few seconds until he stops, and all she could hear is his ragged breath and coughs. Banjou goes by his side but he shies away from him, won’t even shown him his face as he tries to breathe normally.

Hinami reaches out again. This time she manages to grab him, by his shoulders. His face turns to her as she tightens her grip, putting him in place so he won’t flail around. She exaggerating her breathes, encouraging him follow her steps, looking straight into his eyes. His breath evens out after a bit more than a minute. “You don’t have to do anything. You are worthy of my time in any situation.” Her thumbs are massaging the shoulders, trying to make him relax.

“You went there. I waited all day. You didn’t come here even afterwards. You didn’t want to come.” He kept pressing on, and his hands were now on her wrists, tightening on them. She wouldn’t have cared, but his nails were digging into the skin there.

“Hajime, I left that place crying.” She raises her voice finally.

Banjou from the side seems a bit shocked, but she doesn’t have the time to care. Hajime’s grip on her wrists is loosening, though, and he withdraws his hands back to him in no time. His frown is as apparent as ever. “..Why?”

“...There was a person there, that said things that were hurtful. But let’s not focus about that.” She doesn’t want to delve in the topic. Even if Hajime was unruly in many ways, she still wanted to enjoy the time she has with him here. He was a witty, confident child when you truly get to know him.

“Does that person wants to die?” He asks her, sternly enough to make her think he’s actually considering to escape the hospital and take on Kirishima-kun himself.

“Hajime!” Banjou yells at him, but Hinami brushes it off with her hand.

“Can I talk to Hajime alone?” She asks. Banjou mouth twitches, not fully on board with it with her, but nods hesitantly and walks away to the door. The sliding door is slammed behind them a few seconds later. Hinami takes Hajime’s hand in hers.

“So, I’m sorry, that I didn’t come yesterday. I should have. I would’ve been happier, anyway.” Hinami felt the tiniest bit guilty for the orphanage children as she said that. She wasn’t lying, but at the same time she felt those words were not fully correct either. If it wasn’t for the end incident, she would have been just as happy.

Then again, she’d rather tend to Hajime now, instead of being completely honest. Hinami feels his small hand squeezing over hers, his lips are in a straight line, and his eyes are just blankly staring to into her own. He groaned. “...Okay. But don’t leave me with those idiots alone again for so long.” He says, his voice veiled with insecurities he attempts to hide from her.

Hinami beams at him, coming up from her stool and comes forward, hugging him lightly. She’s always careful with him, knowing the severity of the injury he sustained in that car accident. As if it wasn’t enough he lost his parents, he had to deal with the nonfunctional lung within him. He was in constant pain and struggle, and Hinami hated to see the sadness and pain reflecting in his eyes.

“I won’t.” He’s tense in her hug, but he lets himself return the embrace after a few seconds. It’s comforting, to be held like that. Reminds him that in a way, he can still feel at home next to her.

The clock ticks away as Ayato watches it intently. Touka got a text earlier from Kaneki that the girl from before will return, despite all of the bullshit that went down yesterday. He was extremely relieved to hear that, but now he wonders if she backed out. It was five thirty and there was no sign of her coming by. The children go to sleep at eight. She only has two and a half hours to get here.

He sighs. He can’t blame her for backing out, after all, he was harsh with his words yesterday. But he’s so unsettled as he watches the kid sit around, waiting for her as well. Especially Akemi and Miyu, that seemed to both to take a liking to her yesterday.

Touka was so stressed because of it. She was on edge all day, particularly snappy when talking to him. She tried her best to hide it, but his sister couldn’t help her anger sometimes. When they were younger, she used to be aggressive and rash in response to these situations. Since then she grew up so much, matured, but even with that, it didn’t change her fiery personality. His older sister was only human, too, and he can’t ask her to act like an angel when she has to clean after his messes.

She was washing the dishes, the kitchen utensils clank and clash between themselves as the water spilled on them. Touka wasn’t too attentive today. She aggressively cleaned the dishes with her not so delicate fingers and if it wasn’t breakable, whatever she held was tossed to the side. His sister is usually so much more careful than this.

“Aneki… Stop harassing the dishes…” He lets out nervously, just to break the tension between the two of them. Maybe even get a little chuckle from the children and her. If they all could just calm down about this first, it will be so much easier to handle.

“Don’t harass high school students and I’ll consider.” She answered back sternly, and he got chills running down his spine. So cold. He could practically feel the ice water she were flowing from the faucet, it’s like he’s a cat that got splashed.

“I said I’m sorry already. What do you want me to do?” He asked her, running a hand through his hair. He doesn’t want to annoy her more than she already is, but what really can he do? If she isn’t coming back on her own, then his hands are tied.

“It’s not about you doing something right now, it’s about what you’ve done. It has consequences and you have to deal with them. If I weren’t your sister I would be a lot meaner than just make some remarks and brush you off.” Touka scolds him, and he looks at the ground as she frowns at the clock. It awfully reminded him the days they were alone, only the two of them. She always looked up at the sky, trying to hope for better, as he dragged himself behind her, his eyes on the floor just like his expectations.

Maybe it was because she was always actively trying to look for the happier possibility that it was killing her to sit around here, helpless. He never let himself to develop expectations in order to get disappointed. If he was feeling in hell right now, he can’t imagine how she’s feeling. The world never gives her the inner peace she deserves.

He grimaced. The clocked showed it was nearly six, just seven minutes away. He keeps saying he wants to make it easier for them, but somehow, it never works out. Did he even bothered lately to look on her side? She will never tell him about her problems, it’s her natural instinct to be maternal and act more like a mom keeping her child out of troubles rather than a sister. Maybe… He should try more. Just a bit.

“...Aneki, what are the chances you are going to ask the half assed bastard for her phone number?”

She walks out of the hospital by six, huffing at the long day that has passed by. The skies above her were in a beautiful array of reddish and peachy colors as she saw the sun ahead of her setting down beyond the horizon. The clouds were tinted pink, full of color and life, and Hinami couldn’t help but notice the difference of the atmosphere between the lively outside to the dull, almost colorless hospital.

It was as if Chiasa showed her a painting for a manga series she liked. As she walked away, she felt as if it was all some sort of a slice of life genre show that she walked into. It made her feel relaxed, comfortable.

She pleasantly took in the environment surrounding her as she walked on her way home. She has accomplished quite a lot today. Getting Hajime and her father to smile is a tough, tough job, but she manages somehow. It was good she managed to spend time with both of them today. Her father can’t even return home today… There isn’t even a point to rush home to make dinner.

She feels a buzz from her bag, and reaches for the pocket where she puts her phone. For a moment, she thought she jinxed herself thinking she progressed with Hajime today, and Banjou is texting her for help again, but her eyebrows raise as she sees the screen of her phone.

YOU GOT A TEXT MESSAGE!

From: Unknown

Hey, I’m Kirishima Ayato. You know, the guy from yesterday.

She almost drops her phone as her heart feels as if it drops to her panties. Had Hinami lacked a bit more self control, she may have dropped the phone from shock. She debates with herself if she even wants to see the rest of the message. She ponders on it for a few good minutes, standing in place, some people already starting to stare at her, before she decides that curiosity killed the cat, and unfortunately, that cat is her.

I’ve got this number from your teacher. I just wanted to say I’m really sorry. I was just mad when I came home. It wasn’t supposed to be let out on you.. We’ve heard you are coming over, today, and the kids were really happy. Please don’t back out. Sorry if I’m out of line here… Anyway, I hope you this apology is good enough. Please just tell me if we should wait or not.

She looks in between the buttons that presented to her on the chat. Either block or add to contacts.

Hinami forgot she even promised Ken she’d go there again. Truthfully speaking, the apology wasn’t really heartfelt or anything, but it made her heart ache when she read the children were happy at the thought of her returning. It’s a bit hard for her to decide, but… she sees more positives if she will go now. And she did get an apology….

Damn her for being so soft when it came to children.

She ignores both buttons she sees, and just writes back straight away.

I’m coming over.

Message Sent!

It’s not long before she finds herself in front of the orphanage once again, walking through the brick trail that leads to the entrance. Her footsteps are loud and clear despite her trying to be silent in her walk, and her heart cannot help but beat a bit faster than she would have liked it to.

She’s not even in front of the door when it’s suddenly slammed opened. Children are flooding out of the entrance, the two girls she knew yesterday with bright smiles on their faces, Yuki waving her shyly, and the rest of the children just staring from afar at her.

Right after them she sees the Kirishima siblings in front of her, and she tries to avoid their gaze. She feels just the slightest bit uncomfortable, but both of them are smiling at the scene, though the woman’s smile much more apparent. “Fueguchi-chan, it’s cold today! Come inside, I’ll make you something warm to drink.” She hears the woman in front of her say. The other sibling doesn’t say anything, but he seems content with the situation.

She finds herself nodding, entering the orphanage once again. The decor still looks homely, and the smell of the miso soup from the kitchen made her mouth water. It felt all so very welcoming, though she guessed it was exactly what their intention was. But it wasn’t like she minded it much.

“Well. I’m going to make coffee for myself. Does it work for you, Fueguchi-chan?” The older woman offers her and she nods happily. It was cold outside, and she was freezing in her uniform. Their school’s winter skirts were barely any longer than their summer ones, and the jacket they have is pretty thin, too. Coffee and the heater on is more than ideal for her right now. “How much sugar?”

“Two!” She replied happily, and Touka gave a nod as she walked to the kitchen to make it. She was left alone with the kids and Ayato. She doesn’t speak to him. Despite coming here and all, she was still a bit mad herself on everything. Her entire day was ruined by the events of yesterday. She may sound petty, but she doesn’t feel like talking to him.

She settled on the carpet near a lego tower one of the boys she has yet to be introduced to. Ayato raised an eyebrow, but didn’t comment. Hinami focused on the kid in front of her. “That’s a really tall tower.” She told him, as he struggled putting another lego at the top of it due to his height.

“Yeah! It’s supposed to be the tallest possible! taller than Uncle Yomo!” He answers, standing on the tip of his toes to reach the top.

Hinami giggles. “Let me help you?” She asks, giving out an open, helping hand. The boy looked at her with surprise.

“Alright…” He answers suspiciously, carefully handing her the next lego piece. “But it’s still my tower. I made it first!” He declares and Hinami gives him a thumbs up, before attaching the red piece in her hand to the highest level.

They do this several times, and the tower is significantly taller, half as tall as Hinami is herself. The boy seemed rather happy at the pace this was going. “Now we just got to work on this a bit more… Make it look cool!” He said, looking for bigger pieces each time. When he found one, he was so excited to give Hinami the next one, that he accidentally hit the tower, making it fall and break apart of the floor.

He stood there shocked, and his eyes were wide as Hinami could see the tears filling them up. He let out a few small whimpers and Hinami was frozen in place. She tried telling him it’s okay, but he aggressively shook his head as his tears fell out.

“Kyou, calm down.” Ayato came behind them, his hand on the boy’s head, ruffling his head until the boy calms done. “Akemi, Miyu! Mind help reconstructing here?” The girls ran to Ayato, looking at the mess created on the floor.

“You are such a klutz!” Miyu laughed as she picked up the pieces, Akemi already building the base of the tower while Kyou was sniffling. Ayato was eyeing Hinami, signing her to join in as well. Hinami quickly did, but she couldn’t help but stare at him. He was so mad yesterday that she didn’t imagine he would be good with the kids, but clearly he proved her wrong.

He was still mean to her though. She doesn’t know what to think about him.

In a matter of minutes, the tower was rebuilt and became as tall as Hinami was. It was then Touka entered the room once again, with hot chocolate for the children and coffee for the rest of them. There was a small gathering around her as the children reached for the drinks, excited at the thought of taking a sip.

Both Ayato and Hinami took the coffee from her as well, murmuring their thanks. Touka jus smiled and returned to the kitchen, to organize everything there. Ayato and Hinami were left behind, drinking their coffee in silence. “Next time, just do something instead of standing there. Kyou tends to cry a lot, so don’t fuss over things.” He offers, his voice monotone.

She can’t even tell if it was supposed him criticizing her or him offering an actual advice from how grumpy he sounds. Hinami guessed it was his default voice, but still, it wouldn’t hurt him to use a kinder phrasing… He didn’t even apologize to her face yet.

“Also, he’s a real klutz sometimes, so you have to make sure he’s not ruining stuff. He’s breaking things left and right. So look out for that. As long as you are not spaced out or something it should be easy.” He continued, and she squinted her eyes at him. She’s not that bad with kids. She had to work with children that broke medical equipment regularly, and on purpose in the hospital. She doesn’t let herself space out that easily… she thinks, at least.

She sipped on her coffee. “Um, I know how to handle those already.. I didn’t space out, I was just a bit shocked for a second there.” Hinami corrected him carefully.

“Oh. It seemed like you were, so I assumed.”

“You seem to think a lot of things for though we barely spoke with each other..” She murmured under her breathe, and he clearly caught it. They frowned at each other.

“I already said I was sorry.” He told her back. “I’m not going to be extra nice or something.”  

Hinami huffed. He wasn’t that nice to begin with, how would he be extra nice? She puffed her cheeks. Ayato snorted.

“Well, at least you will get along with the kids, acting like that.” He said, finishing his coffee in one more sip and putting it on the table near them. He left her, returning to the rest of the kids.

Aggravated, Hinami finished her own coffee fast, chugging it down angrily. Going to Akemi and Miyu, she couldn’t help but think of how she needs to prove him wrong. She can be good by herself. She doesn’t need his advice!

What a jerk!

Back at home, Hinami had finally changed to her pyjamas and could finally rest. In the end, she really enjoyed being in the orphanage. Akemi and Miyu were so sweet and even introduced her everyone she didn’t know already. They were so cute.

She went through her messages for the day, seeing a few things she missed from Chiasa and Kanna. They were mostly rambling about a show they saw recently though, so it was okay. She probably couldn’t have contributed either way.

She kept scrolling down the messages, until she saw the one she had gotten from Ayato earlier. From some reason Hinami felt compelled to open it once again, read it again. Reading it now, after seeing after he takes care of the children, he surely apologized for their happiness, it was obvious - but somehow she could still appreciate him for taking responsibility like that.

The buttons presented in front of her in the chat, however, made her truly think.

ADD TO CONTACTS or BLOCK.

Hinami bit her lip. Today was a good day. It was, but she still didn’t like him that much.. Should she give him another chance to be a friend?... He did seem to be good to those close to him… Hinami sighed.

She pressed a button, and typed quickly in her phone.

Jerkface has been added to your contacts.

[kanekikenunot]

To Love A Monster

On AO3

Word Count: 4,160

Summary: Touka didn’t want to believe that the monster destroying her world was the man she loved.

Excerpt: One of Touka’s favorite stories as a child was Beauty and the Beast, she loved it so much she would go weeks having her father to read it over and over again. She used to love the way the despite the beasts ugly outside and at times ugly inside someone was able to love him. But, as she grew older she learned that this wasn’t real, that love really wasn’t all powerful like that. This is because Touka herself was a monster a ghoul, and that the moment anyone learned the truth they wanted to kill her. It started with the old lady who was so kind to her as a child trying to kill her and her brother after she learned the truth, and repeated every time an investigator or meal met her in a dark alley. But, Touka finally understood that story the day Kaneki, the man she loved, turned into a beastTouka had kissed both her and her child’s life goodbye the moment she ran headfirst into a wall of armed and deadly investigators. She had lost all hope in the moment when the screaming and shaking started. Touka had lived through a fair share of earthquakes but nothing as powerful enough to expose the tunnels to the surface. She heard loud screams and watched as everyone even the investigators were too shaken to continue their commands.

“What the fuck is that?” Touka heard being yelled among the investigators  as they pointed towards the now visible sky. Touka herself looked up in horror at what she saw, it was a huge red and black creature covered in mouths and eyes destroying everything in its path all while it screamed. It was loud and piercing on her ears, and she found herself transfixed by the damage it was doing.

“Is that a ghoul?” she heard someone cry. Touka herself couldn’t even imagine it being a ghoul, it was too monstrous nothing like the kakuja’s she has heard stories of, this was just pure evil and made her skin crawl.

“Onee-chan!” was the only thing that was able to break her out of her stupor. Touka turned towards the voice feeling her chest untighten at the sight of Hinami safe and sound for the most part.

“ I’m so glad you are safe.” Touka smiled slightly gripping onto Hinami. “ How did you get away? Did you take them out?” Touka asked.

“ No, Kaneki came back.” Hinami told her biting her lip “ He saved me and told me to run ahead.”

“What?!” Touka screeched in shock. Touka felt her heart jolt in worry was he okay, did he survive.

“ We need to kill, whatever it is it’s destroying the city.” Touka heard being discussed in the background.

“But we are going to get slaughtered it’s too big for us to handle.” Another investigator countered.

“We are going to die anyway, if we don’t do anything!” yelled another. “We need to find Special Class Juuzou or someone else of a higher rank to make some type of plan.” It was as if the sound of his name summoned him into the clearing, making Touka shudder and her stomach drop with no Kaneki in sight.

“Did you defeat the King?” an investigator asked approaching Juuzou, Touka waited with baited breath for his answer, “I thought I did,” he stated staring up at the sky.

“What should we do about the ghouls, we didn’t finish exterminating before that showed up?” an investigator asked.

“Just leave them we have something obviously bigger to worry about,” he said calmly his expression not even twitching to show concern or fear. “ Get everyone into position we are going to have to attack it until reinforces can make it,” he ordered.

   Touka couldn’t believe her ears and found herself looking back at the sky, she suddenly felt like she was gonna vomit, and prayed to any god out there that it wasn’t Kaneki destroying anything. Touka didn’t want that for him, she didn’t want him to have to live with this guilt, she knew that if this was him it would destroy him. Kaneki was once human, and she knew that he still valued their lives over ghouls no matter who he was fighting for.

“We need to go,” Hinami told her pulling her arm lightly. “We need to get the children out of here and safe, we can go deeper into the tunnels and try to find Ayato.” she pressed. Touka nodded letting Hinami lead her away but her eyes never left the monster above.

“Do you really think that it could be Kaneki?” Touka voiced to Hinami quietly.

“It’s Onii-chan, he would never do something like this,” Hinami replied her voice firm.

“Then where do you think he is?” Touka asked.

“ I’m sure he is healing, and will catch up with us soon,” Hinami answered with a smile not reaching her eyes.

   Yet, as much as Hinami was trying to reassure her, the pain and sickness in her chest had not disappeared, and the pit in her stomach just continued to drop. Touka guided the children and other defenseless ghouls with Hinami’s help further into the tunnels. They didn’t need to go far before they saw a familiar face walking towards them, with a group of goat members behind him.

“Ayato,” Hinami called out to the figure in front of them.

“Hinami, Aneki, what are you doing down here?” Ayato asked confused.

“We were attacked by the CCG, and we had to flee,” Hinami answered causing Ayato’s eyes to almost bulge out of his head.

“Are you being pursued by them?” He asked stepping up his toes to look over the crowd to look for himself.

“No, a huge Kakuja came out of nowhere and has the Dove’s preoccupied.” Touka butted in. “It broke out from the underground.”

“So that’s what the rumbling came from.” Ayato mused more to himself. “ We should retread into the underground city I found. I was coming back to tell Kaneki about it, but I guess it will have to wait.”

“ I should probably try to find Kaneki.” Touka said her voice shaking, as Hinami asked “What did you find?”

“ Just some ghouls kids who didn’t know they were ghouls, but that city was destroyed by something called the Naagaraj, but I could hardly understand them with their slang,” he told her.

“ Kinda like right now,” Touka muttered feeling sicker and sicker.

“ Should we get going then, it’s gonna take us a while to get there.” he told them as he started to lead them forward as Touka  hesitated. “So, have I missed anything since I’ve been gone,” Ayato asked Hinami causing her to giggle.

“What’s so funny?” Ayato stuttered out.

“You should ask Onee-chan” Hinami laughed, causing Touka to blanch and Ayato to stare her down.

“What did you do?” Ayato asked.

Touka just shrugged “ I got married and I’m pregnant.”

“Yeah, right” Ayato laughed before stopping dead silent. “ You are joking right.” he pleaded.

“Nah.” Touka replied giving him a small smile.

“WHAT THE FUCK, WHO!?” Ayato exclaimed in question.

But, Touka didn’t get to answer him as once again their path was blocked by the CCG, causing Touka to feel like she aged 100 years in that moment. Couldn’t she catch a break, Touka just wanted to fall to her knees and cry, when she felt her brother put his hand on her shoulder.

“ Just get out of here okay, just keep moving down the tunnels,” he told her releasing his Kagune. “Just make sure Hinami goes with you and stays safe.”

“But, Ayato…” Touka whispered, her heart hurting, not again, not another person leaving her.

“We need the girl who is important to that king of yours, we will leave you alone if you give her to us.” said the investigator in the front, he looked to be in his late forties early 50’s with dark black hair a little shorter then her brothers parted in two upside-down Vs.

Touka felt her heart tighten at his request but tried not to react, she didn’t want to get captured she only wanted to find Kaneki.

“Who the hell is that?” Ayato yelled out.

“I don’t really know I was only told to collect someone named Touka. He admitted. “ I just learned to listen to what Nagachika says as he’s usually right about a lot of things.” he shrugged.

“ Like fucking hell, I’m gonna let you take her,” Ayato yelled out to them, causing Touka to bury her face in her hands, the idiot, he could have just said she wasn’t here. Ayato turned to her in that moment. “ So that's who knocked you up,” he said quieter.

“Well, way to expose me, little bro,” Touka said patting his shoulder, her eyes downcast.

“I’m sor…..” Ayato started.

“ Make this easier on us and just come with us.” the investigator spoke walking forward to grab onto Touka’s arm. “ I don’t have time to deal with ghouls when everyone is in danger,” he said.

“Don’t touch me.” Touka glared pulling her arm away from him, only to have the investigator grab onto it again.

   Ayato was about to step in when the loud sounds of flip-flops came down the hall, revealing a man dressed eerily like a scarecrow.

“ Nagachika.” the investigator greeted, to which the man nodded in response, before pulling out a notepad and scribbling something down very quickly before turning it towards them to see.

“Is that any way to treat a lady Marude-san.” it read in simple Hiragana, causing the man to stutter and let Touka go“ I was just doing as you asked.”

The man Nagachika ignored him continuing to write in his notepad. It took him a few minutes before he finally turned it directly at Touka.

“ It’s been a while Touka-chan, I’m probably not as handsome as you remember, or as loud.” it read as the man rubbed the back of his head.

“Hide?” Touka questioned, to which the man answered with a simple thumbs up, Touka looked down at her hands confused that the man trying to take her was Kaneki’s best friend. She couldn’t imagine ever doing this type of thing to Yoriko if the roles were reversed.

“ Why are you trying to capture me, if you used to be friends with Kaneki?” she asked confused as Hide stood frozen in front of her for a few moments before shaking his head frantically writing as fast as he could on the notepad.

“Capture is a bad word, I’m not capturing you I’m trying to get you to help Kaneki, and everyone else in Tokyo.” he wrote.

“What do you mean, is Kaneki hurt?” she questioned concerned. “Please take me to him.” she added grabbing on to Hide’s arm.

Hide looke down at her before he started to  write pausing often as he thought of what to say, and what he wrote shook Touka to the core.

“I’m sure he is injured, but the real reason I came to find you, is because the monster above ground is Kaneki.”

   Touka felt the bile rise in  her throat, the thought of Kaneki who vowed and abstained from killing humans becoming a mass murder made her feel sick. It felt like a sick joke, and she didn’t want to believe it, even though she knew deep down this whole time it was true.

“But, Kaneki wouldn’t hurt a human, let alone thousands.” Touka pushed hoping that this was a misunderstanding. Hide sighed for a moment and through his mask, she could tell he was looking at her sadly. She felt the tear well up in her eyes as she watched him write.

“ I’ve been keeping tabs on Kaneki this whole time, I’ve made enough connections to know pretty much everything. I know he married you, and you're pregnant, congrats on that by the way. But, I know for a fact that it’s Kaneki because not only do I know that what Kaneki craves the most in life is love and family, but he’s also screaming your name up there trying to find you.” He told her. “You were attacked, and Kaneki probably got injured and had your possible death rubbed in his face by Furuta so he created that thing to try to keep you safe, but it can’t find you.” Hide paused for a moment to turn the page and keep writing.

“ I’m hoping that if he sees you he will calm down and stop destroying Tokyo and all the groundwork I’ve made for him,” he added.

“What groundwork?” she asked.

“ To get enough justice served, to where I can have a coffee with my best friend without having to worry about consequences,” he answered. “We don’t have much time for me to explain further, but I will someday if you help me save him.” he reached his hand out towards her.

   Touka didn’t hesitate “Take me to him.” she told him grabbing his hand to let him lead the way. Touka ignored the calls of Ayato and Hina as the investigators who stopped them quickly followed after them leaving them alone.They quickly made their way to the surface where Touka got her first look at the devastation Kaneki was causing skyscrapers were toppled, cars were flipped, and so much blood Touka even felt sick from it. All Touka could hear was his screams, and those of his countless victims ringing in her ears. It wasn’t like there was no one trying to stop him, there were helicopters surrounding him shooting at him, and investigators attacking him below, doing nothing more than making him angrier and lashing out worse.

“Nagachika what should we do, he’s destroying everything,” Marude yelled out. Hide turned quickly scribbling before turning it to Marude.

“ Just get everyone to stop attacking and get them out of the area,” it said causing Marude to huff and rub his forehead.

“You say that like it’s easy,” he replied, at which Hide just shrugged. Marude turned towards the ex-investigators “ You heard him we have to go convince everyone to leave the scary monster destroying the city alone.” before walking right into the carnage.

“ This is all my fault,” Touka whispered her eyes prickling as she started to cry. This was her fault she should not have let Kaneki lean on her too much, she should have kept her distance. She never wanted to burden him, and know because of her he’s become the killer he never wanted to be. He doesn’t deserve her, she should just disappear once she knows he’s better to save him from any more pain. Touka’s line of thought was disrupted by Hide placing both hands firmly on her shoulders staring at her as intently as he could from behind that silly mask.

“No Touka, his fault. He loves you, just wanted you safe bad execution.” he slurred out firmly ignoring his notepad.

“But, if I wasn’t a burden, if I was stronger he wouldn’t have to do this. He shouldn’t have even been here, I didn’t want this for him.” she cried out. Hide put his hand out wiping her tears away.

“ You make him happy, you gave him the family he always wanted. He would be shitty if he didn’t want to save that, you always put the people you love first” he told her. “ Don’t forget that, and stop crying, I don’t know how to handle  pretty girl crying.” he added giving her a moment to calm down. “Are you ready to go now?” he asked to which Touka nodded.

Hide walked in front of her as she quickly followed behind him examining his every move, just confused by his whole get up, so different from the last time she saw im

Touka quickly followed behind him, a question just on the tip of her tongue.

“Hide why do you wear that mask if you're not a ghoul?” Touka asked as she caught up to him.

“ The things you do to protect someone you love, leave lasting scars,” he said taping the mouth of his mask.

“ So, Kaneki ate you,” Touka deadpanned. “Is that how he was able to survive?” Touka inquired.

Hide just shrugged. “He was really injured by the time I found him and he took a good chunk out of my face and neck, but I already struck a deal with Arima Kishou, that he would be allowed to live if Kaneki would take Arima’s place as the One-Eyed King and I would help Kaneki reach Arima’s goal,” he told her.

“What did Arima want him to do?” Touka asked.

“Well, Kaneki is nowhere near what Arima wanted goal wise, but we really don’t have any more time to be wasting with questions so please refrain until later,” he told her moving quickly ahead, which Touka followed closely behind.

“Why do you think he went above ground?” Touka asked him as they made their way closer to where Kaneki was currently squirming around..

“ Maybe he just got too big and isn’t in the right mind to think you would still be in the tunnels.” Hide answered as they finally tracked Kaneki to the highest building still standing from his rampage.

Touka looked at him with pure sadness, she didn’t realize it from far away, but the closer she got the more she realized that he wasn’t rampaging out of pure anger. All of the eyes on his Kakuja were crying, and she could actually hear him calling out for her as his eyes scanned the area. She felt overcome with guilt as she watched him, this is what she had done to him, and she wouldn’t blame him if he never forgave her. Touka quickly pulled her hand to her mouth cupping them to amplify her voice in hopes that he would hear her.

“ Hey Kaneki, you're destroying prime real estate for my next coffee shop!” she yelled up at him causing all of the eyes to stop and zone in on her.

“ Gosh dang Kaneki, I told you your arms are cute, so you make your whole self-look like them, you really know the way to a girls heart.” she laughed up at him in a lame attempt to slice the tension she felt. Kaneki quickly scurried over to her abandoning the building he was sitting on to wrap himself around her as if he was trying to protect her from the whole world.

“ You're like a loyal dog with a mean streak you know that,” she said reaching out to touch his large face. “Except you look like a bug, you're lucky I’m not scared of them like most girls or I would be running so fast,” she told him, to which he sighed nuzzling into her gently.

Touka felt herself start to cry again, she was never one to cry, she was tough life made her that way, but Kaneki always managed to make her feel weak.

“ Thank you for protecting me, you were able to get the CCG away from me with the big reveal of yours. You really saved me,” she said placing her forehead against his.

“ I love you so much,” she whispered giving the Kakuja a small kiss. “ I’m safe now, we are safe now, do you think you can come back to me,” she asked.

But, he made no movements to remove himself from the Kakuja, which worried Touka a lot.

“ Are you stuck?” Touka asked examining him for any sign of her husband being exposed to the outside, before spotting a puff of white hair radiating from the red and black husk right in front of her.

Touka reached up and slowly pulled to release him from the kakuja without hurting him. Touka was able to easily get him out even in her weakened state he was so light, causing her to ache at his poor health. Touka gently placed him on the ground, truly seeing how out of it he really was he wasn’t conscious throughout the whole time Touka was removing him and all Touka could do was let him rest on her lap as she stroked his hair.

He looked so innocent in that moment, as if he didn’t just go on a destructive rampage, and was finally getting the sleep he so desperately needed. He was so frail, and Touka couldn’t stop crying over him, she knew that the moment he wakes up he wouldn’t be the same man, he had finally fallen and it was all her fault. Hide had kept his distance the whole time and at the sight of Kaneki being unconscious he had finally moved closer to them watching Kaneki over her shoulder. Though he wasn’t just staring at him, he was also staring intently at the kakuja that still hadn’t dissolved like Kagunes usually do. Touka heard Hide mutter “So this is what he wanted, just like the original.” but it just blew right past Touka with what he meant by those words.

“ He looks like shit.” Hide told her honestly causing her to laugh through her tears. “ He’s such a man-child at times, he acts so responsible but he would forget basic human functions if nobody reminded him.” He huffed, causing Touka to laugh harder. “You're right about that.” she admitted though regretted it when Kaneki jolted in her arms.

   Kaneki woke up his eyes dazed and confused for a moment before they locked onto her face.

“Touka,” he whispered as if he was trying to figure out if she was real or not before he suddenly sat up surveying the area frantically his rising and falling rapidly until he vomited on the pavement next to her moving away from her as quickly as he could. Her and Hide could only watch him silently as he pulled at his hair and starting to scream heartbroken sobs, and Touka just wanted to join him, but she knew she couldn’t, she had to be strong for him right now.

“ Kaneki, it’s gonna be okay, you were not in your right mind,” she told him placing her hand on his shoulder.

He just kept screaming and pulling at his hair  and scratching at his face, every single sob he made stabbing her in the chest. Touka knew that he wouldn’t be able to listen to her, so she did the only thing she could and that was to stop him from harming himself. Touka pulled his hands and held them tightly in her hands not letting him hurt himself further.

She looked him right in the eyes and told him “ You are not a monster, and I swear to god if you are thinking that I am gonna kick your ass.” she cried pulling him into a hug. “ You are so much more than this Kaneki, this mistake doesn’t define you,” she whispered kissing his cheek. “ We are all safe thanks to you,” she whispered giving him another kiss.

Touka just kept on whispering things to him, like how much she loved him, how thankful she was for him keeping them safe, over, and over again until his screams and crying stopped and he slumped in her arms, too tired to continue. Touka looked up at Hide who was still lingering close by just watching them, Hide placed his fingers to his lips pointing at Kaneki. Touka watched as he pulled the notepad back from his robes and started to write.

“ I’m sorry for not helping, but I did not want to overwhelm him more than he already is, considering he thinks I’m dead,” it said. Touka nodded at him showing that she understood what he wrote.

“ I’m gonna do my best to cover this up, so nobody will know he did it.” he continued. “ You are going to need a new place to stay after this right, you can bring yourself and the rest of the ghouls who survived to my hideout.”

“ Where is it?” Touka started to whisper before Hide handed her a piece of paper with an address on it.

“ It’s gonna be better this time, I’m gonna help him and I will take a majority of his burden this time. I won't let him destroy himself again.” he wrote.

“Why would you do that?” Touka asked shocked at his admission.

“ Because I love him, just like you Touka,” he told her.

“ And I hope we can make the world a better place, so maybe he can finally rest,” he told her the emotion clear in his voice.

“I can lead you there.” he told her. “Do you want me to carry him?”

“No I got him.” she answered as she lifted him up carry him bridal style much like he did for her years ago. Her and Hide walked side by side, and while she knew nothing would ever be the same, she still found herself dreaming of a happily ever after for her and her beast no matter how unlikely it seemed.

[harleyquilt]

A painful price

Summary: A angst fic. That’s all I’m saying. Requested by @bhion-chan

Notes: …o.o

Everything was hectic, everyone in a panicked frenzy as touka, the Queen and my loving wife, went into labour. It started two hours ago and yet it already felt like days have passed by. My heart wouldn’t stop racing ever since this started and a sickening fear ate away at my mind at the thought that anything horrible could happen at any moment.

The pregnancy hadn’t been easy on touka these past nine months and saying that would be an understatement. The child had drained all her energy, every meal she ate, whether that be human food or meat, would only be threw up moments later. She was weak and showed no improvement.

In a moment of sheer desperation, I had went as far as to suggest that perhaps…It would have been better if we didn’t have the baby at this moment of time. Touka, of course, refused such a proposal, despite my desperate pleads for her safety. This child meant everything to her, so how could I have refused her of this precious gift?

I don’t know what to think anymore.

We had urgently called for doctors from the Great Wheel act and hoped that they could help with delivering the baby. They came soon enough and took touka into the next room where they were already prepared for the delivery. I, on the other hand, stayed in the next room with the others and paced back and forth constantly, my lip sore from the amount of times I bit it out of nervousness. My hands wouldn’t stop shaking either, my whole body tensed with a persistent voice inside me that fed me words of fear and bitterness. She won’t make it, it told me, she won’t survive.

Forcibly, I pushed back this voice and decided to focus on what’s important. It was a miracle that the baby made it this far to begin with, everyone seemingly convinced that it would have been consumed by touka, considering the mixture of genes within the child. But touka, that wonderful woman, refused to lose hope. It amazed me, in a way, that she held so strong to her faith that it would live on, that we could finally have a family to call our own. With her persistent positivity, I also began to look forward to seeing the baby. Our baby.

“Kaneki,” Nishiki rested a hand on my shoulder, pulling me away from my thoughts. “She’ll be alright. Don’t worry.”

I nodded solemnly, my arms crossed and my brows furrowed. His words were sincere, but they did very little to calm my nerves. This waiting game was tearing me apart…

“Onii-chan,” Hinami walked into the room. She had stayed with touka since the labour started, supporting her sister by her side and handled the situation very calmly, something I was very grateful for.

I looked up and walked over to her side almost instantly, eager for answers or any form of good news whilst I also silently prayed that nothing terrible had happened in my absence.

“She’s doing well.” Hinami reassured me, seeming to have read my unspoken questions from my permanently worried expression. “You should go see her.”

I nodded once again and moved passed her to the next room. As soon as I opened the door, I could already hear touka’s pained groans as the doctors rushed around her. I moved around them and to touka’s side - she was lying down on one of the spare beds, dressed in a hospital gown and her back propped up with many cushions. She was drenched in sweat, her hair stuck onto her forehead and her face scrunched up as the contractions sent more waves of agony through her. I sat next to her and grabbed her hand, to which she instantly laced her fingers through mine. After the contraction passed, she sat back and panted heavily, her heavy eyelids opened slowly to lock onto mine.

“Kaneki.” She breathed, a wry smile formed on her quivering lips. “You’re here.”

“Of course.” I smiled back. “I’ll always be here for you, touka chan.”

Her smile grew until it abruptly changed back into a pained grimace.

“Shit.” She cursed. “Why can’t this little shit get out of me already?”

“You’re doing very well.” One of the doctors said. “However, I am concerned for your RC count so we’re going to-”

“What?” My heart stopped beating for a moment and my hand unconsciously squeezed touka’s. “Will…will she be alright?”

“Of course, we’ve got it under control.” He then turned to one of the nurses. “Prepare an IV drip.”

All of a sudden, I couldn’t think straight. My fear forced it’s way back into my mind and my hope started to falter, quickly crumbling as I looked back down to touka with wide eyes. I can’t lose her, not yet. Not now. Please.

She watched my eyes and saw that fear consume me, leaning up to give me a very soft kiss against my trembling lips.

“It’s fine, kaneki.” Touka squeezed my hand. “I’m going to be fine. Don’t worry.”

“It’s my job to worry.” However, I allowed her words to sink in, her gentle tone soothed my mind and I soon relaxed again. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“You softie.” Touka sighed.

Things go well once the doctors set up the IV drip and touka regained some of her energy, with minor contractions occurring every so often. For now, I could finally breath again as I saw my wife beaming with joy and anticipation, despite her pale complextion. I didn’t know how she did it, but she continued to trudge onwards, even with all these tough obsticles thrown at her. There was a sense of admiration within me whenever I witnessed this part of her, knowing nothing could break her and as long as she’s by my side, I know nothing could break me either.

As time passed by, touka and I continued to discuss names for the baby. She came up with…interesting names, to say the least, but I tried my best to come up with more agreeable names.

“Touka, Sakari is not a name.” I tried to tell her for the fifth time. “Do you mean Sakura?”

“No,” she huffed. “Sakari is what I meant. What’s wrong with it?”

“It’s just…what about Akari, then?” She shook her head stubbornly and then came up with another entirely ridiculous name. “Wah- Touka, Ajari isn’t a name either.”

“Says who?” She snapped, her brows raised as I watched in astonishment at her serious expression.

Before I could answer, however, she cried out in pain and lunged forward as another contraction came by. She grabbed onto my arm and her nails dug into my skin. I tried not to wince at the pain and instead gave her words of reassurance whilst the pain subsided.

“I hate this.” She moaned, sitting back and breathed heavily.

“I know. You’re doing amazing.” I told her softly, stroking back her damp hair and kissed her forehead lightly. Though I watched her eyes flutter before they fell shut and her breathing became slow. “Touka-chan?” I asked worringly.

“Sorry.” She said after a moment. My heart went wild with my body tensed. “I’m just…tired.”

“Doctor, how much longer?” I asked impatiently, my voice tight.

“She’s doing well, it won’t be much longer.” But I noticed him looking worried for a moment before he raised his head to look back at me. I saw nurses taking away blood soaked towels and the sight made my stomach churn.

“What’s wrong?” I asked immediately.

“It’s under control, it’s just…” His eyes darted to touka as she let out another scream of agony, spouting out curses before kaneki started to rub her back until the contraction passed. “She’s losing quite a bit of blood.”

“W-What?” I stammered, my throat suddenly tight like I’m being suffocated, his words repeated endlessly in my mind that was already beginning to shatter.

No.

No.

Please no.

Not touka.

Please not touka.

Please…

“Kaneki.” Her voice cut through my dazed panic, her hands cupping my face. The cold chill that ran through me was replaced with the warmth of touka’s voice. She was looking intently into my eyes, a gentle smile on her tired face. “I told you, didn’t I? I’m going to be fine. I promise.”

How did I deserve such a goddess?

I nod slightly and place my hands over her hands, my head leaned against hers. I shut my eyes and took in the feeling of her touch, her ever so gentle touch, and took a deep breath. I can’t think like this now; she needed me and so I must remain strong for her, just as she had done for me. I will be the husband she deserved.

“Ok, touka-chan.” I pulled back and turned my head to kiss her palm. “I’m here for you.”

After some time, I leave to get myself some coffee, which touka insisted I do and as I prepared one, ayato came up to me, a concerned look written across him.

“How is she?” He asked before I could open my mouth. I’ve never seen him so scared as he bit into his clenched fists and his body was unable to keep still for a second, shifting his weight between his feet constantly.

“She’s doing fine.” I said, but my mind flashed back to the doctor’s words.

She’s losing quite a bit of blood.

I almost knocked over my cup and ayato scolded me for daydreaming at such a time but softened when he saw my hands tightly gripping the edge of the counter.

“She’s strong, kaneki.” He told me. “This brat is nothing to the things she’s went up against. If she could make it then, she can now.”

I tried to smile at his kind words, but it didn’t seem to settle my racing heart. Ayato saw that I was still tense and decided to change the topic and asked what I thought the gender of the baby would be.

“I think,” I said. “It might be a boy. It’s what touka thought too but I don’t know…something tells me that it might be a girl instead.”

“Hina wants it to be a girl.” Ayato smiled, laughing a little at himself. “Wants to share all the things she has with them. I wouldn’t mind either way. I think hinami would make a good sister to the brat. Or auntie…wait, what is she to the kid anyway?”

“I guess hinami would prefer to be more of a sister. However, I think you would make for a great uncle.” I laughed when I saw Ayato’s face scrunch up to such words. He hadn’t seemed to have accepted himself as an uncle, the idea so overwhelming for him.

“Whatever. You should head back to touka. She needs someone to hold onto before she knocks a nurse out out of frustration.” Ayato chuckled at the thought and parted ways with me as I headed back towards the room touka was in.

Then I hear another scream.

I rushed into the room and my eyes immediately darted to the sheer amount of blood right before me. I hardly heard my cup smash into the ground as I felt the bile rise up my throat and was unable to take my eyes away from the blood spilled across the sheets touka laid on. My shaking knees buckled beneath me when I looked back to touka’s frail expression, my mind ringing and my heart thudding to the point I thought it would burst out my chest at any second.

Somehow, I managed to force myself to her side and held onto her hand again. Her breathing was raspy and shallow, her eyes distant and her muscles weak and sore. Slowly, after hearing my voice call out her name quietly, she turned her head shakily towards me. And yet…she was smiling. Always smiling.

“Y-You’re going to be fine.” I forced my words out in hardly a whisper.

Did I believe that?

“The baby will be out soon.”

Is that true?

“And then we’re gonna be together.”

I felt my tears run down my face as I swallowed the lump stuck in my throat.

“Remember? We’re gonna start our own family, just like we said we would.”

Her hand is so cold.

“Touka…”

“Ken.” She sat up a little, but her back quickly began to arch as the pain overwhelmed her.

“I can see the head!” The doctor shouts. “Stop the bleeding-”

“Ken.” Touka said again. “I’m gonna make it.”

“You will.” I nodded and held her close. There was a harsh intake of air before she yelled out, her eyes becoming watery and she bit her lip hard before the tears could fall.

Even now, she was so beautiful.

“Ken, do you still have the ring?” She asked weakly.

“What?”

“The ring.” She screamed before throwing her head back and her eyes squeezed shut. “Do you have it?”

“Y-Yes.” I pulled it out, her eyes locked onto the gold band and smiled with relief. “Why?”

“Good.” She ignored my question before she continued to writhe in agony. I tried to ignore the rush of doctor and nurses and focused only on my wife.

“It’s nearly out,” the doctor said. “Just keep pushing.”

I offered touka the same encouragement and within the next few moments and an almost broken hand, the baby was finally out. I let out a breath I didn’t knew I held and rested my head against touka’s shoulder and she laid her head on top of mine. I finally made myself look up to a very exhausted touka, only to find her laughing hysterically.

“You little shit.” She laughed. “Causing me all this pain. I’m never having kids again.”

I was stunned by her response, especially considering what had just happened, but when I saw her bright yet tired smile as she looked back towards me, her tears of joy rolling down her flushed cheeks, I couldn’t contain my own laughter and joined her in her laughing fit.

For a moment, everything seemed so…perfect.

The nurse came over soon after, a bundle of towels in her hand with a small baby wrapped within them.

“It’s a girl.”

A girl. A beautiful baby girl. Our baby girl.

Once the nurse placed our newborn child into touka’s arms, I finally got a closer look. She was so, so small. Her lips formed a mini pout as her little hands reached up. Touka lifted a hand and our daughter grabbed hold of one of her fingers.

“Hey there, beautiful.” Touka whispered. My heart swelled at the sight, especially once our daughter gave a small smile. I felt the tears forming in my eyes again. “Guess we’re parents now, ken.”

“Yeah.” I beamed. “Guess we are.”

I gently stroked the back of my hand against our daughter’s chubby cheeks, her skin so soft and smooth. I then moved my hand down to her tiny hands and she instantly grabbed my pinkie, which was the size of her whole hand.

“She’s so tiny.” I chuckled. “What name should we give to such a small girl?”

“Mai.” Touka sighed. She leaned back, but kept her eyes on our baby. “Mai Kaneki.”

I nodded enthusiastically. Despite the weird names from earlier, mai seemed perfect. Our little, beautiful mai.

“You know…” I started to say, turning my head to get a better look at mai. “I think she looks like you, touka-chan.”

…

“Touka?”

I looked up and suddenly, the world around me shifted out of focus.

“Touka?” My voice became a pathetic rasp. “Touka? Are you asleep?”

I nudged her a little, but her eyes didn’t open, her lips didn’t part to speak. She stayed still, her expression peaceful.

“Please wake up.”

She won’t open her eyes.

“Please.”

She won’t speak.

“I need you.”

She remained still.

“We need you.”

She was peaceful.

“I’m sorry, sir.” The doctor spoke. His words were nothing more than white noise, the sudden violent urge within me started building up as my body started to shake, my words mixed with pathetic sobs.

Leave me alone.

Leave me alone.

Leave me with touka.

I don’t need anyone else.

Just me and touka.

Her face was so beautiful, yet so still. If I could convince myself, I could believe that she really was asleep. If only this sweet lie of mine was the truth. I begged for it to be the truth. Let it be the truth.

But this painful price we had to pay was far too great for even this simple wish of mine to become reality.

Looking down, though my eyes were blurred with tears, I saw a gold ring that hung around my neck and I picked it up with trembling hands.

“Touka.” I held it with clenched hands. “You can’t leave, I’m nothing without you.”

Her voice. I needed her voice. That voice that took away all of my stress and worries. That voice that told me everything would be fine. What happened to that promise? What happened to those words?

‘Kaneki…’

I could almost envision it and the warmth that always came with it.

‘It’ll be ok. Look after mai for me, would ya? I know you don’t think you can do it, but I’ll be there watching. Please stay strong. For her.’

Her voice seemed to fade away with the little reassurance I had left crumbling away. My sorrowful gaze turned to mai, who started to whimper, shifting in her wrapped blankets and I picked her up delicately, the nurse moving to place a sheet over touka.

“I’m sorry, mai.” I sobbed. “It’s just you and me, ok?”

She cried a little and her small fists clung onto my fingers as I rocked her back and forth gently. My tears fell onto her wrapped blanket and I lowered my face, my cries muffled in the sheets.

Just you and mai.

I won’t let you forget your mother, though. I’ll tell you all of her stories, of how wonderful she was, how she was the strongest woman I ever met and how I loved her more than anything. I’ll tell you how she did everything and anything to see that you would make it here and I won’t let her down by failing now. I’ll tell you these stories every day, so you won’t ever forget how amazing she was and how you will grow up to be as great as her.

It hurts so much. Just remembering it all. All those memories of her that brought me such bliss.

I wish I could just vanish and find your mother again.

But I won’t, because I have you now.

And I’m planning to keep my promise to touka because I know it will be worth it in the end when we get to see her again…

[lilacflamesss]

Valentine Double Date

A somewhat long fic (around 6k words) about Touken and Ayahina’s double date, which began from a girl’s innocent attempt at pushing her Onee-chan and Onii-chan together. Mostly fluff, hints of angst. This is a fic I wrote to have fun and let myself go so it’s nowhere close to the standard of my older fic, but this poor lonely single soul just wanted to have something to do on Valentine’s Day. ;_; Enjoy!

Please reblog if you like this! Feel free to leave comments/ request anything!

“Please say yes!” Hinami was almost screaming, as she clasped her hands together and leaned forward in a perfect bow. Kaneki and Touka blinked in disbelief for a moment, looking at each other before looking at her again. 

“You want us...” Kaneki murmured hesitantly. 

“... to follow you and Ayato on your date?” Touka continued, tilting her head in confusion. “But why?”

“B-Because... tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and...” Hinami murmured, her cheeks completely flushed as she shifted about uncomfortably. “I feel uneasy going out alone with him.” 

“Uneasy?” Touka wondered in confusion. “But weren’t the two of your partners in Aogiri? You were alone quite a lot, right?”

“Yeah but...” Hinami sighed, took a deep breath and let it out, fingers fumbling with one another. “This is different from that... I just... don’t...” 

“If you don’t want to go, you should tell him—”

“No! I want to go!” Hinami yelped, cutting into Kaneki’s words. “But but but... A-Ayato-kun scares me sometime!”

“Oh, is that so?” Kaneki said, turning to Touka with a blank expression. “I don’t mind... Is that okay with you, Touka-chan?”

Touka crossed her arms, her glare shifting from Kaneki to Hinami and back to Kaneki. Both were giving her pleading looks— for very different reasons, of course— and Touka knew that it was simply impossible to refuse. But the thought of having to pretend to be Kaneki’s date while tagging along her brother’s date made her want to slap Hinami for even suggesting it. Though, she had to admit it might be fun.

“Look, I don’t have anything against it but are you sure Ayato’s okay with it? He might just end up ditching this if we catch him by surprise,” Touka responded. 

Hinami nodded, picking up her coat from the counter and walking towards the door. “Don’t worry! I’ll text him right now!” she giggled. “I’m going over to Banjou-san’s place for awhile so Onee-chan, Onii-chan, I’ll see you tomorrow at 10!” With a wave, Hinami left the coffee shop, a wide smile spreading on her face as she walked away, leaving Touka and Kaneki to stare at each other in confusion— only for a moment, though, before Touka started cleaning some cups and Kaneki started reading whatever it was he had in his hands. As usual, things were awkward. To think that they were going to go on a date along with Ayato and Hinami. Touka wanted to laugh.

The next day, Touka found herself in a predicament. She’s had her fair share of romantic confessions (all on the receiving end) back in her school days but never once had she truly stepped into the mysterious realm known as romance. And to think that her first date was a fake date with the One-Eyed King on a guise while they spy on her rebel of a brother. It could go down in history as the most unconventional first date ever. 

In the first place, what should she even wear? Something simple? Something provocative (no way in hell)? Something traditional? Something over-the-top modern? A bad girl look? A good girl look? A high schooler look? A cutesy bunny girl look? 

“Ah! This is a mess!” Touka cried out. “Yomo-san! I need your help!”

Fortunately, Yomo’s room was right next door so it took him mere seconds to come over. It did take him a full minute to get over the fact that Touka was standing in a pile of clothes, rummaging furiously while only in her pyjamas. 

“What are you doing?” 

“I’m going on a... d-d-date... but I... don’t know what to—” Touka was cut off as Yomo rushed forward and looked down at her, his arms crossed and eyes narrowed.

“A date?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“With whom? When? Where are you going? What time will you be coming back? Who is this person? Parents? What does his parents work as? Are you meeting them? Are you coming home tonight?” Yomo’s sudden bombardment made her blink at him in confusion for a moment, trying to make out his words that came out in a torrent far too quick for her to catch easily. 

“I’m going with Kaneki... We’re just... following Ayato and Hinami,” she said, keeping the part about spying on Ayato to herself. “Hina asked us to tag along. We thought it’d be fun.” 

“Oh, Ayato will be there, huh?” Yomo murmured, his stiff stance relaxing as he looked around the place. “Alright then, let’s get you something to wear.”

It was fifteen minutes past ten when Touka finally got herself ready, mainly due to the fact that despite Yomo acting all confident, his inexperience in dating actually made choosing an outfit all the more harder. When she finally joined the other three at the cafe, she could tell that Ayato was so close to ripping her head off her shoulders. 

“I swear, if I knew you were going to be this late, I would have said no to this stupid thing!” Ayato snarled, glaring at her with all the hate in the world condensed into his pair of eyes. “Now look here, don’t mess anything up for Hina and me.” 

Touka sighed and turned to Kaneki, who fixed her with a weak smile. It didn’t take her much by surprise but she was sure Kaneki barely put any thought into his attire at all. He was wearing a simple white shirt and black pants, holding a brown coat in his hands. In contrast, Ayato stood out in every way, even though it was obvious he didn’t put any thought into his outfit as well. Leather jacket, jeans and a black scarf was a completely normal Ayato look, fully complemented with the messy hair and almost permanent scowl. Yet Touka somewhat felt jealous that Hinami got the hotter one— even if he was her brother and even if Kaneki and her weren’t exactly on a date. 

“Let’s go! We have a lot to do today!” Hinami said, latching onto Ayato’s arm as she smiled at Kaneki and Touka. 

“Oh… okay… So, Ayato-kun, what is the plan?” Kaneki asked.

“Beats me,” Ayato replied with a bored sigh as Hinami started tugging him to the door.

“We’re going to the cinema and then we’re going to the aquarium after that,” Hinami said with a wide smile. Ayato turned to her, his eyes widening. 

“We’re seriously going to the aquarium?” 

“Didn’t you say that you’ve been meaning to ever since they opened?”

As the two started walking on ahead, deep in their conversation about aquariums and fishes, Kaneki turned to Touka with a questioning look. “Wasn’t their date Ayato-kun’s idea?” he asked. 

Touka merely shrugged in response, following behind the other two. Ayato and Hinami led the way, with Touka and Kaneki following behind quietly. The stark contrast between the two ‘couples’ were starting to bother her and even though Touka knew that she and Kaneki were not on a real date, she had wanted some fun out of it. She had even gotten Yomo to help her pull on such a cute outfit. Yet Kaneki had seemed oblivious to everything, his eyes fixed completely on Ayato’s and Hinami’s linked hands. Kaneki was so serious that Touka found her cheeks heating up in embarrassment. Why did she even think that something could happen? Of course this was just another mission to Kaneki— a mission to protect Hinami, probably. 

After a while, Touka found herself wondering what even the whole point of following the young couple was. It was clear that Ayato had no ill-intentions whatsoever. In fact, it was clear that Ayato didn’t even have any kind of intentions as he blindly followed and agreed with anything and everything Hinami said or did. There was no doubt over who called the shots in that relationship. As Hinami and Ayato went to buy tickets for a movie of Hinami’s choice (one Touka could swear Ayato would rather die than watch on any other given day), Touka found herself shifting awkwardly as she and Kaneki stood aside and waited. 

“Revenge of the Cockroaches, huh?” Kaneki murmured, looking up the movie on his phone. 

“How’s it like?” Touka asked, peeking over his shoulders and staring at the screen. The ratings were... really bad. 

“Did Ayato-kun really choose this movie?” Kaneki sighed. 

“I think it’s Hinami’s choice. Ayato would probably die rather than watch a film on bugs,” Touka pointed out. She realized that she was leaning towards him a little too much and immediately took three steps back. Kaneki glanced at her from the corner of his eye, but there was no other response from him. Touka felt herself sink a little at how awkward things were between them, especially since it was completely different from Ayato and Hinami, who were now in the queue, playfully arguing over something she couldn’t hear and definitely having more fun than she was. Unlike her and Kaneki who barely spoke the short moment they had taken to arrive at the cinema, the other two had barely parted, continuously holding hands and chatting between themselves. In the first place, Touka had never thought of the two of them as talkative people. Maybe love played a part in it. 

Love?

Touka glanced at Kaneki once more, watching him fumble with his phone again, paying no attention to her at all. Well, someone clearly was not contemplating love that Valentine’s Day. With a slight huff, Touka turned away and leaned against the wall, crossing her arms as she watched her brother and his girlfriend a slight distance off. 

Why did Ayato manage to get himself such an amazing date when she was still a hopelessly single woman? 

It took a short while after that for the two of them to return and the first thing Hinami did was to bow and scream an apology. “We got separate seats by mistake.” 

“What?” Touka wondered aloud, staring at the younger girl who looked like tears were gathering in her eyes. 

“I accidentally mess up the orders,” Hinami cried out. “I’m so sorry! But we have two separate pairs of seats now.” 

“Well, that’s not too bad. The boys can take one pair and the girls the other,” Kaneki said calmly, taking two tickets from Hinami. 

“No way in hell,” Ayato snapped.

“Then... I can sit with Hinami and—”

“No way in hell,” Ayato snapped again, cutting into Kaneki’s words. He wound his arm around Hinami’s shoulder, pulling her to him. “I’m on a date with her so we’re sitting together. You two awkward lovebirds can take the corner seats and do whatever the fuck you want there.”

“Are you okay with that, Hinami?” Touka asked. 

Hinami nodded. “I’m fine... To be honest, I want to sit with Ayato-kun and we like our seats but I felt bad because we chose terrible seats for you by mistake.” 

Seriously, that was what she was about to cry over? 

“That’s sad,” Hinami continued. “If we were humans you could at least eat some popcorn to deal with it but...”

“We could go kill someone and bring their guts in,” Ayato suggested. 

“Ayato-kun, you’re disturbing.” 

“I’m being honest.”

“So am I.”

“Well, if the seat is so bad and you can’t see the movie, you guys can just do something else to pass the time. You are in an isolated corner, after all,” Ayato sniggered suggestively as he started pulling Hinami alone towards the cinema. “Come on now, it’s about to start.”

Touka’s eye twitched at her brother’s stupid comment, but Kaneki merely shrugged and started walking on ahead. She couldn’t help but start to wonder if this date was just a way for Hinami and Ayato to mess with her. They were having the time of their lives while she was obviously entirely miserable. If anything, Touka was sure she’d rather be back in the cafe listening to Nishiki’s stupid valentine tales rather than watch her brother be lovey-dovey with the girl who was almost like a sister to her and deal with Kaneki’s boring ass. 

Hinami and Ayato had chosen the worst seats for her and Kaneki. However, that wasn’t really an issue honestly, since the cinema was almost empty. They could move if they wanted to, but both Kaneki and Touka weren’t too keen about the movie and it was a bother to get up after they’ve already sat down. Aside from the four of them, there was only one other couple present— a pair who clearly came to do something other than watch the movie. But since they were seated at the other end of the cinema, Touka paid no heed to them, her eyes mainly focused on Hinami and Ayato, who still had their arms linked. 

“I feel like planting myself in between them,” Touka muttered bitterly. Freaking couples and their public display of affections...

“Touka-chan, I think you can relax a little bit,” Kaneki chuckled. She turned to him and he flashed her a smile. “I think Ayato-kun and Hinami-chan look really cute together. We don’t really have anything to worry about.” 

Of course he would take it that way. 

“They’re... really close...” she murmured. 

“They’ve been partners in Aogiri for quite some time already. It’s bound to happen between two lonely teenagers,” Kaneki pointed out. “Just like... back then, you know.” Kaneki’s voice dropped a little, his face falling to one of melancholia and nostalgia. Touka turned away for a moment, wondering if his words were brought about by the same flash of memories that was going through her mind as well. 

“We were... once lonely teenagers as well, weren’t we?” Touka murmured. 

“Yes,” Kaneki replied. He had turned away as well and the two of them sat side-by-side, eyes fixed on the seats respectively in front of each of them. They were speaking, but the atmosphere around them was heavier than ever, with unspoken words and unexpressed emotions hanging from their words.

“It all seems... so long ago,” Touka murmured, “that the two of us were... alone together.” 

“We were close back then, huh?” Kaneki chuckled. His laugh sounded nothing like a laugh at all and it made her sink all the more. Touka clenched her fist, focusing on her breathing. 

The surroundings got darker as the screen came on with images starting to flash on it. Touka paid no heed to it, the brightness and loudness of the commercials playing being overpowered by her own thoughts in her head. 

“Kaneki... do you ever want to go back?” she asked. 

“Do you?” Kaneki asked, turning to her. She saw his movement from the corner of her eye and instinctively turned to look at him. Kaneki nodded towards where Hinami and Ayato were and Touka followed his gaze to look at them as well. “Going back means not talking to your brother again and becoming enemies again. Are you fine with that? You love him a lot, don’t you?” 

Kaneki had a point and Touka couldn’t deny that. Going back meant stealing the sincere smile her brother had on his face. But even so, going back meant stealing a lot of other things away and among them, losing a lot of despair.

“Going back means having Anteiku back, having the manager back and going back to school. Going back means none of this One-Eyed King bullshit and going back means you’re back to being that idiot again,” Touka said plainly, turning to him again. 

“Going back means becoming weaker,” Kaneki said plainly. 

“Going back means becoming happier,” Touka pointed out. 

Kaneki turned away, his eyes returning to the screen. Touka watched him as his eyes clouded in contemplation and his body slouched in dejection. After a short while, Kaneki turned back to her. 

“No matter what, we can’t go back anyway,” he laughed flatly. 

Touka sighed, turning away to focus on the movie. The whole scene was simply covered with disgusting brown pests, all gathering towards a much bigger one. Seriously, what was with this movie?

“Kaneki,” Touka said flatly. “Hold my hand.” 

“W-What?” 

“We’re supposed to be on a date. Hold my hand,” she said. 

“Oh...” Kaneki reached over and took it, holding it tightly despite his initial surprise. They continued watching the movie for a moment, before Kaneki let out an audible sigh. “Touka-chan?”

“Hm?” 

“Is it okay if I lean on you?”

Finally.

“Yeah.”

“How’s it going?” 

Hinami glanced over to the other side of the cinema, squinting a little to make things out in the darkness of the place, wishing for a moment her eyes were as good as her nose and ears. 

“They’re leaning on each other,” Hinami said, turning to Ayato and raising her eyebrow at the sight of him. 

“Good.” 

“Ayato-kun.”

“Yeah?” 

“Why are you covering your eyes?” 

“Cockroaches are fucking disgusting.”

“Ayato-kun.”

“Yeah?”

“You’re hopeless.”

By the time the movie was over, it had began to snow somewhat forcefully. Standing out the in the open, the four of them looked up at the sky for a moment, simply watching the sight of snowflakes fall slowly. 

“It’s getting cold,” Hinami commented. 

“You should have dressed a little warmer like I told you so,” Ayato sighed, unwinding the scarf off from his neck and wrapping it around her. “Come on, let’s go someplace warm.” 

“We’re supposed to go to the aquarium,” Hinami pointed out. 

“We’re not walking there in this snowfall. Let’s grab a drink at a cafe or something,” Ayato sighed. 

“Are you sure? Ayato-kun you were really excited about the aquarium,” Hinami pointed out. 

“We can go there some other time,” he said, taking her hand. Even though she had her gloves, her fingers were still numb and shivering and Ayato seemed to notice that. Squeezing her hand lightly, he started pulling her along. “Come on, there’s a new cafe that opened recently around here.” 

“If we’re going to a cafe, shouldn’t we just go back to :re?” Touka asked. “I didn’t bring enough cash.” 

“Neither did I,” Kaneki replied. 

Hinami and Ayato glanced at them and Hinami responded with a slight wave. “It’s okay! Ayato-kun can pay for us. Besides, it’s fun when we don’t have everyone around us on a date.” 

“That’s true,” Touka sighed. “But I don’t know what I feel about my unemployed teenage younger brother paying for me when I am a manager of a cafe.” 

“I had a well-paying job once, you know,” Ayato responded with a slight raise of his eyebrows at Touka’s and Kaneki’s confused expressions. “What? Do you think I did stuff for Aogiri for free?”

“The SS-rated Rabbit’s services are expensive, even in Aogiri!” Hinami chimed in. “Besides, there’s my share of the earning and I get quite a bit as well. It’s okay, we’ll pay for you!”

What are these two? A married couple?

Kaneki and Touka didn’t exactly have a choice. They really couldn’t refuse, could they? Following behind Ayato and Hinami, Touka mentally fretted over the idea of being treated by them. Sure, they had money but what were the implications of relying on them to pay for them? Deep in her thoughts, Touka was unaware of Kaneki walking closer to her and slowly wrapping his arm around her. By the time she did notice, he had already pulled her closer to him, pressing her small frame against his larger one. He was so much bigger than her now. At one point in time, he was taller but he wasn’t that well-built. Kaneki had changed a lot and this was one of the things she couldn’t argue against.

“It’s getting cold,” he said flatly. She looked up at him to see him looking away from her and she wondered if Ayato’s little move with his scarf earlier on had spurred this sudden initiative in Kaneki. 

“T-Thank you,” Touka murmured, leaning into him and easing into his hold. Touka could feel him relax as well. Aside from the warmth his body gave, she could feel a different kind of warmth emerging between them, one that made her smile a little.

“Hey, Kaneki.” 

“What is it, Touka-chan?” 

“You’ve gotten a lot tougher, huh?” 

“The coffee here is disgusting,” Ayato whined, resting his head on the table. 

“It was your idea to come here in the first place,” Touka sighed, smacking him on the head a little. Across them, Hinami and Kaneki laughed. 

“Well, it is true that Touka-chan’s coffee is much better,” Kaneki admitted. 

“I think Hinami’s coffee is the best,” Ayato said, sitting up and grinning at Kaneki. 

“I’m sorry, Hinami-chan, but I beg to differ. Touka-chan’s coffee is so much better, since she’s a manager of a cafe and all. I’m sure one day you’ll be just as good as well,” Kaneki said. Though his words were directed at Hinami, his eyes remained fixed on Ayato’s. 

“Nothing beats coming back after a long day of work to Hinami’s coffee. The taste of all the love and care put into that small cup is unbeatable. Touka, I’m sorry, but you’ve never made coffee specially for someone and waited for him to return home as well before, have you? It’s okay, one day you’ll meet that special someone,” Ayato sighed, resting his chin on his hand. Just like Kaneki, Ayato wasn’t looking at the person his words were directed at as well. Both of them were staring at each other with smiles plastered on their faces, but the hostility was real and visible. 

“Those two get along well, as usual,” Hinami giggled. 

“Yeah, they do,” Touka murmured, picking up her cup and taking a sip of the coffee. Ayato was right. The coffee was bad. At least, she wasn’t paying for it with her own hard-earned money. 

They chatted a bit for awhile and in that short moment, it didn’t feel like it was a date anymore. Maybe it was because it was a more open conversation, or maybe it was because they weren’t sitting with their own dates, but even then, Touka found that the smile spreading on her face was a genuine one and the laughter that bubbled out between her lips came from deep within her. The people with her now— a small collection of the most important people to her— made her realize how everything was falling into place for once in the mess she had called her life. Not everyone was there, of course, but watching Kaneki laugh from the bottom of his heart after a long, solemn facade as their King, Hinami’s eyes sparkle in a way they never had after her parents’ death and Ayato cracking lighthearted jokes so unlike of his usual bitter self made her honestly grateful that Hinami had offered for her to come along— even if it was at circumstances different from this. 

“I need to drop by the washroom for a moment,” Kaneki said, getting up and pushing past Hinami to get out. 

“Oh, I’ll come with you. I need to go to,” Ayato said, glancing at Hinami for a moment before following behind Kaneki. 

Touka watch them disappear into the corner of the store, before she sighed and turned to Hinami. “That’s so unusual of guys, though.” 

Hinami giggled a little, before her smiling face fell to a more serious one. “Onee-chan, are you happy?” she asked all of a sudden. 

“Happy?”

“Are you happy you came along?” Hinami asked. “To be honest, I didn’t ask you to come along because I was afraid of Ayato-kun. Ayato-kun and I have been on dates so many times before. If anything, I feel safer when I’m with him.”

Touka remained silent for a moment, considering her words. She had expected something like that, to be honest. There was no way she was afraid of him when they were practically all over each other. “Hey, Hinami. What exactly do you see in that idiot?” 

“Everything. I don’t think there’s anything about him that’s bad,” Hinami replied. “Ayato-kun is violent and sometimes, he gets really moody and cranky. But he’s a good person and despite all his flaws, he looked after me in Aogiri and came for me when I was in trouble. Ayato-kun gets really angry easily and he does things rashly, but I think it’s because of these things that he managed to find the courage to leave Aogiri and save me.” 

“I see,” Touka murmured, taking another sip of her coffee. It really was bad, and it wasn’t helping the bitter taste left in her mouth by Hinami’s words. 

“Onee-chan, Onii-chan to you is the same, isn’t it?” Hinami asked. “Though I’m sure it’s more complicated that what Ayato-kun and I share, I feel like he’s important to you just like Ayato-kun is to me.”

“Kaneki... is a lot harder to understand, that’s for sure,” Touka laughed flatly. “But you’re right. Kaneki is a good person under everything. You out of all people will know that. I feel like he’s lost and confused now and that everything is probably weighing on him far too much. I’m scared, Hinami. I’m scared one day he might break.” 

“Onii-chan has been broken many times but everytime, he comes out stronger than ever,” Hinami replied, flashing a smile. Her words were true and her reassuring tone made Touka smile back in return as well. Hinami reached over and held one of Touka’s hands, squeezing it lightly. “I’m sure that what Onii-chan needs right now is someone to stand by him and support him and to help him pick up everything that has fallen. Onee-chan, I’m sure that you being by his side is enough to make him feel better.”

“I... sure hope so,” Touka murmured and in returned, Hinami grinned a little. Her smile looked more akin to a smirk and Touka wondered if Ayato’s influence was rubbing off on her. 

“Onee-chan, I know so, because in the end, I always believe that Onii-chan and Onee-chan are meant to be together!”

“Oi, half-ass.” 

Kaneki turned to Ayato with a raised eyebrow. “Ayato-kun, why did you follow me here if all you’re going to do is stand there?”

“I came here to talk, idiot,” he snapped, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms. “Well?” 

“Well what? If you’re the one who wants to talk, shouldn’t I be asking you that?” Kaneki said flatly, leaning over the sink and washing his hands under the running water. Ayato scolwed. 

“You know, I still fucking hate you.” 

“Thanks. I return the sentiment.” 

Ayato scowled again, sighing to calm himself down before he lost his calm. “Now, about my sister...” 

“You guys were planning to set us up, weren’t you?” Kaneki murmured. “It was pretty obvious that there was nothing Hinami was afraid of when she was with you.”

“Hinami wanted you guys to be happy for once,” Ayato said. “She wanted it so bad that I agreed to let you guys crash this date I was looking forward to so badly.” 

“I could see that. Ayato-kun, you shouldn’t stick your nose into other people’s business.” 

“Your relationship with my sister is my business, since, you know, she is my sister.” 

Kaneki sighed. Reaching over to take a couple of paper towels to wipe his hands on. “I figured you wouldn’t like me close to her.” 

“I don’t,” he admitted. “But, you make her happy and there’s nothing I can do about that. Besides, I know you won’t hurt her... physically, at least. But if you do ever hurt her...”

“Ayato-kun is the last person I want talking to me about hurting Touka-chan,” Kaneki chuckled a little. Ayato scowled once more and Kaneki fixed him with a gentle smile. “I... do like Touka-chan a lot. But things now are too difficult for us to take anything further.” 

“I... see,” Ayato murmured. “But does that mean you do intend to take it further?” 

“If... I get the chance to... yes, I would like to,” Kaneki said. “But with things as it is and with the Goats—”

“Just fucking man up and get on with it already,” Ayato cut in. “Everyone can sense that tension between you guys and if anything that’s what riles everyone up. The whole of of our team know you guys have a thing for each other so like fucking do something about it. With all this One-Eyed King bullshit going on, isn’t it better you do it faster? We might die any time and when that happens, it’s too late for regrets.” 

“But Touka-chan—”

“Loves you and care for you,” Ayato snapped, cutting in again. Kaneki blinked at him, slouching his shoulders a little as he looked down to stare at his hands. Ayato scowled again, but continued talking anyway. “She has for such a long time. That’s why she endured all that shit. That’s why she made a place for you to go home to. That’s why she’s been waiting all this while. If you’re seriously gonna keep someone like her waiting, I’m gonna find her another suitor.”

Kaneki looked up at him, a weak smile spreading on his face. “Ayato-kun, that’s so unlike you.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“Nothing. Hey, Ayato-kun?”

“What?”

“Hinami has you completely wrapped around her fingers, huh?” Kaneki chuckled, patting Ayato on his shoulder. “I should probably say this just in case. If you ever make Hinami cry, it’ll be 206 instead of 103.” 

They spent a while longer in the cafe, talking about anything and everything under the sun. Well, perhaps not really everything, but with the amount of things they were saying, it’s hard to imagine that they weren’t. How was there so much things to talk about anyway? Had they really missed out so much in each other’s lives? Touka shared her stories about starting up the coffee shop, though she kept silent about what happened in between the death of Anteiku and the birth of :re. Kaneki shared some memories he had while working as an investigator, mainly sharing about the four people he had come to love as family, but even then, there was one particular person he completely left out in his tales. Ayato and Hinami shared stuff too— about Hinami’s early days in Aogiri, their training sessions and their missions. They seemed to share the most but it was obvious they were both leaving out an entire episode— the whole issue with Hinami’s capture and escape from Cochlea.

Everyone seemed happy and relaxed, but the atmosphere was a mere facade. In the end, everyone was bearing their burdens— some heavier than others, some more than others. The four of them, as close they might seem to strangers passing by, held personal issues and tragedies that couldn’t be simply forgotten and left behind by a simple double date.

But, it could help fix it. It could turn things towards a different route— one of healing and redemption. 

Back home in :re, Touka decided to make some coffee as Kaneki flipped through some files Tsukiyama had passed to him on his return. Remembering the terrible coffee from the cafe, Touka walked over to place a mug beside him. 

“For you, in case you decide to stay up again,” she said. 

“Thank you, Touka-chan,” he murmured. Touka walked over to sit by her side, her fingers rubbing the sides of her own mug. Hinami’s words were ringing in her mind. They had given her a small bout of confidence earlier on, but when she was alone with Kaneki, she felt it fade to nothingness. Kaneki reached over to take a sip from his mug, before putting his files down and turning his body to face her. “Ayato-kun told me something just now.” 

“Huh?” 

“He told me to man up,” Kaneki said. “So... Touka-chan, I hope you don’t mind if I...” 

Kaneki gulped. reaching over to cup her face with his hands. Touka realized that despite being in the cafe for quite some time, Kaneki’s fingertips were cold. More in some sort of worried instinct, Touka reached over to place her hands over his. Her hands were warmer, though she awarded it to making coffee and wearing gloves when she was out. Kaneki smiled slowly before leaning forward. He moved at a pace that was far to slow for someone as impatient as her to accept, but Touka was simply too taken aback by his sudden act. It didn’t occur to her that he was doing anything important until his lips met hers. It didn’t occur to her how close they were until she felt his arms move to wind around her and his body pushed against hers. She didn’t notice herself reacting to it until much later as well. At some point in time, her hands had move to his face, her body was leaning forward and her tongue was pressing back against his. 

He broke away a little to regain some air. But as that happened, he got up, lifted her up slightly and pushed her to lie onto the counter. He leaned over her and moves his face closer to her again. 

“I’ve missed you, Touka-chan,” he murmured, right before pressing his lips to hers.

“I’ve missed you too, shitty Kaneki,” she replied. 

“Touka-chan, do you think that... we can go out again? This time, just us?” Kaneki asked. 

“I don’t know... Isn’t our King too busy for that?” Touka laughed, winding her arms around his neck to pull him close. They were sprawled out on the cafe counter. Anyone could easily see them. Someone could be walking outside. Someone could come down from upstairs. But somehow, Touka couldn’t seem to care less. There was something about holding Kaneki in her arms and having him finally within a reach that seemed to negate every possibly negative thing that had happened and could happen. Who the fuck cares if Nishiki saw this and teased them non-stop? Who the fuck cares if Tsukiyama walked in and spent the next few days crying over losing Kaneki-kun to Kirishima-san? Who the hell cares about anything when Kaneki was not only there, but also grasping the hand she had been so desperately reaching out with. 

“Touka-chan, I think a King should always make some time for his Queen,” Kaneki whispered. 

“Mission accomplished.” 

Hinami flashed Ayato a grin with her thumbs up, before climbing into bed and crawling into his arms. Ayato didn’t really need Hinami to tell him though— when he put his mind to it, he could hear their entire conversation as well as the undesirable noises of them making out in the cafe. 

“Do you think they’ll be fine, though?” Ayato sighed, resting his chin on the top of her head. “I wonder if they’re just acting like that because of what we said instead of doing it because they really want this.”

“I think deep down, both of them just really want to be close to each other and they just needed a little push,” Hinami replied. “They’ll be fine.” 

“I sure hope things go smoothly from here on,” Ayato sighed. 

“Ayato-kun?”

“Yeah?”

“You sound more worried than me.”

“Hinami?”

“Yeah?” 

“Sometimes you should just shut the fuck up.” 

Hinami giggled, looking up to meet his soft gaze— a look she had barely seen on his face in his time in Aogiri but was becoming increasingly common lately. He pushed himself away from her, only to crawl over her so that his body was hovering above hers. His arms and legs were pressed onto the bed at each side of her body— she was completely enveloped by his presence. Hinami grinned at him, reaching over to cup his face. 

“What is it?” she asked. 

“I’m annoyed that I didn’t get to be as close to you as I wanted to. It’s fucking Valentine's’ Day and all I did was hold your hand,” he grumbled. 

“You were the one who refused to do anything,” Hinami insisted. 

“It’s not like I’m gonna do anything when my sister and that half-ass are looking at us. I’d get myself half-killed,” he complained. “But we’re alone now so I hope you’re prepared.”

Hinami giggled. “Ayato-kun, I was prepared the moment today started.” 

[harleyquilt]

Missing you (touken fanfic 2/2)

Summary: Touka and Kaneki’s first night alone from each other when kaneki leaves for the expedition. Please enjoy and please excuse any grammar mistakes.

Ratings: fluff?

Words: 1675

Touka glanced over to the clock and grunted when seeing it was already one in the morning. Frustrated, she shoved the covers off and kicked the wall besides her, cursing at the pain before she finally left the bed. She walked over to the sink, splashing her face with cold water and looked up to a disheveled reflection of herself. She grimaced at her sunken eyes.

“If I’m not careful, I’m gonna end up looking like him.” She brushed her fingers under her eyebags, her eyes narrowed. “I need coffee.”

After she stumbled her way to the kitchen, she made herself a cup of coffee, the sweet fragrance already waking her up. It was the first night in a long while that she slept on her own and she was already struggling to sleep without kaneki by her side; she would fall asleep but after every hour or two, she’d wake when reaching out for kaneki only to remember he was no longer here. At one point, she even fell out of the bed trying to find him. The baby didn’t make it easy for her either whilst it took every ounce of her energy as it saw fit.

Touka took a long sip of her coffee, sighing as she placed the cup back down and leaned her head back against the wall. How pathetic. She never suffered from this kind of problem before, so why is it such a big deal now?

Her stomach growled, touka looked down and started to rub her stomach. What will the child be like, she wondered. Even with the rare circumstance that it could even survive, touka couldn’t help but imagine the future of holding her child close to her chest, humming a lullaby to calm it to sleep before tucking it away in their new crib with a rabbit toy that kaneki will no doubt want to buy for them.

Her stomach growled again and touka stilled her hand. That fear that constantly loomed in her mind reminded her of the very real possibly that maybe…no. She shook her head, refusing to let her doubts get the better of her. She had to stay strong. For him. For the baby. Even with everything pointing down the darker outcome, she must remain hopeful that there will be a future for them.

Within minutes, touka gulped down the last of her coffee, savouring the taste before she decided to go back to her room and hope that this time she would be lucky enough to sleep all the way till morning.

“Onee-chan?” Touka heard Hinami call out, her figure stood at the end of one of the dark hallways. “Why are you still up?”

“I could ask the same for you.” Touka said as she walked over to her. “I guess I’m not comfortable sleeping…on..my..own.”

She stammered with her words, eyes darted away with her hand covered over her cheeks whilst she confessed her problem. Hinami giggled in response, always so delightful when she saw touka finally together with kaneki. She always knew they belonged to each other, it was only a matter of time but to see them now was still a overwhelming sight to take in.

“A-anyway, what about you?” Touka shifted the subject to focus back to hinami instead. “You know how late it is?”

“I can’t sleep either.” She quickly objected, fidgeting with the hem of her skirt. “I’m just…scared. With Onii-chan and the others gone and ayato still exploring the underground…I’m just worried that something could happen to them.“

Touka smiled and started to head back towards her room whilst she linked arms with hinami, continuing their conversation as they walked down the empty, quiet halls. 

“That’s understandable,” touka nodded. “Don’t worry, I can see that you care deeply for them and I have without a doubt in my mind that they will return, safe and sound. All you need is a little patience. If you’re ever scared, lonely or worried, you can always come to me or miza-san.”

Truth was, touka knew exactly of how she felt. The fear consumed every part of their bodies as their worries clawed through their minds, always reminded of the dark possibility that the horror they feared lurked behind every corner, ready to pounce when they least suspected it. However, pointing this out wouldn’t help anyone so touka does what she knows best and decided to the become the support hinami needed.

“I guess you’re right, Onee-chan.” Hinami averted her gaze to the ground, squeezing touka’s arm. “I’m just over thinking, as usual.”

“I’m sure Ayato-kun would be flattered to hear you care so much for his safe being.” Touka laughed as hinami cheeks turned a rosy pink, her eyes widened at the mention of Ayato’s name.

They reached the bedroom and the two girls took a seat on the bed covered in soft pillows. Hinami laughed unsurprised when touka explained that the extensive amount of pillows was all kaneki’s idea.

“Are you ok, Onee-chan?” Hinami asked, a concerned look on her face with the lighthearted atmosphere quickly becoming serious. Hinami watched touka as she awaited her response and touka fidgeted in her seat whilst under hinami’s intense gaze.

“Of course.” Touka replied cheerfully, forcing out the smile she would often use when working in the cafe. Though hinami wasn’t fooled and crossed her arms, her brow raised.

“Tell me the truth.” She demanded.

“I’m not lying.” She pinched hinami’s cheek and laid back into the pillows. “Now let’s try to sleep. I don’t want to be the reason why you end up dropping dead in the middle of the day because we decided to have a late night girl chat.”

“Fine. But we’re talking about this tomorrow.”

Hinami rested her head onto touka’s lap and wrapped one of the spare blankets around her, touka stroking her fingers through hinami’s soft hair. It wasn’t long before she fell asleep, breathing softly as she nuzzeled her face into touka’s knee. She looked so peaceful and at ease, almost as if all those worries she confessed earlier on were nothing more than a bad dream.

Touka, on the other hand, couldn’t do the same. Instead, she carefully lifted her pillow, making sure not to wake hinami and took the keychain she hid underneath. The small bunny rested in her hand with its chubby white cheeks, raised paw and red headband. There was a sudden sense of nostalgia that ran through touka and sent a chill down her spine. It was almost identical to the one kaneki gave her last time. Last time. When kaneki was still…

Hinami stirred in her sleep and nuzzeled her face into touka’s leg as if it were one of the many pillows around her and pulled touka out of her deep trance. Her thumb rubbed over the small gift but with a slight frown on her expression. He had changed so much and yet, at the same time, so little as he continues to live a life of struggle that he never asked for.

Back then, kaneki was unstable; he paraded around as the tragic hero he so desired to be in the eyes of his companions and all the while, behind the mask, lurked a dark selfishness and anxiety of being alone. It was clear that as time went on, the mask could only hide so much, but it seemed that touka was the only one who could see the truth behind the lie. Even then, on that day on the bridge, she couldn’t pull him back to the place he once called home. It’s possible that she even made it worse.

Now, after time has passed and their bodies changed, kaneki seemed to have improved over the past few months. It certainly was a drastic change to the ‘black reaper’ touka only heard rumours on through the whispers and mumbles in the cafe, but it was also clear that kaneki was still struggling to hold everything on his own shoulders for the sake of peace. Touka tried her best to lighten the weight of this overbearing pressure that worned him down with each passing day, but there was only so much she could do.

And now with the baby, she feared that yet again, she had only made it worse for her husband. She believed him when he told her that he was glad, but the continually growing eyebags and his pale complexion was enough to tell her the truth that the news of a possible child was still affecting him. Had she really helped him at all? It just seemed like this endless cycle to him and touka couldn’t do a God damn thing about it and when she did, she only made it worse.

“Touka-chan.”

She started to think back the other night before he left, shutting her eyes and sighing.

“Touka-chan? Are you awake?”

He was so talkative that night, guilty that he was too busy to spend more time with touka before he left. It made her heart both flutter and ache as she yawned and rubbed her eyes.

“Sorry for waking you I just…wanted to tell you something. I’ve seen you worry about me constantly lately and it’s so heartwarming to see you care so much.”

He always was so corny.

“But I just want you to know that as long as you’re here, you don’t have anything to worry about. You make me so happy that simple words cannot describe. I hope you know that.”

Jeez, how can someone look so cute with that smile.

“You honestly save me after everyday, always supporting me when I start to struggle or doubt myself. Without you…I don’t know what I would do.”

He exaggerated so much.

“I love you, touka-chan. Once this is over, I’m going to-”

“Kaneki.” His name escaped her lips and she lay down with hinami shifted to the opposite end, touka clinging onto one the pillows with her new keychain still in hand. She rested her other hand over her bite mark, rubbing over the sensitive skin that felt warm under her touch.

“I love you too.”

She finally relaxed and she drifted off peacefully into a deep sleep with hinami by her side.

[kirishimahinami]

love is bitter

summary: no matter what, the ending will be the same. everyone always disappear. hinami reflecting on her experiences from age 13 to 17. word count: 2187 pairing: hinted ayahina notes: hinami centric fic. loosely based on girl’s generation - love is bitter . only hinted ayahina this time, but she interacts with ayato for the most part in this fic. includes a lot characters so i’m only tagging hina. its a bit depressing until its end, lol. this is my last fic until i can return to writing on my computer next month. love you all.

Hinami had figured it long ago, that she shouldn’t trust life to be kind. Reflecting on her past was never her favorite pastime, but she now has subordinates and partners with her, people who are key to successful missions, and she could not bear losing them, whether if she only knew them as a fellow Aogiri Tree member or if they already managed to become somewhat friends of hers.

The first death she had seen as a commander was by far the worst. One of the older women she had supervised got into an ambush by herself while Hinami was making sure everything was going well on another bunch of troops. That particular woman was one of the more respectful of the bunch, and while she worked for Aogiri Tree, she was soft spoken and treated Hinami well, not holding grudges over the fact she was younger yet the commander.

That woman reminded Hinami of her mother. She had dark brown hair and used to wear long skirts, her hands were calloused but would still pat Hinami’s head when they were out of the higher ups sight. It was even more so fitting that she died while the rain poured on her, the hot air of the summer washing away and leaving Hinami out in the cold. The three first days after the death were the worst. Eto’s words echoed in her mind, reminding her of her weak state.

If she looks back on it, she remembers feeling starved. She didn’t eat for almost a week and a half after the woman passed. She wonders if back then her refusal to eat was really out of grief, or if she was just actually looking for excuses to be weak. Even at that point, she just wanted to leave Aogiri, go back to the people she knew. She even remembers considering leaving.

Her older brother, as far as she knew, was not an option anymore. As much as it pained her to admit. But maybe, maybe if she could track flowerman. He had always been kind to her, even if everyone else were iffy about him.  And if she could find Banjou, he’s sure to not turn her away… or maybe even older sis-

She felt bad for even thinking about her, as she watched Ayato entering the room, a package in his hand and solemn look worn on his face. She only knew him only for a short while, but every clue pointed to the fact he wanted to see Touka much more than she ever will.

“Your squad have been whispering about you not eating.” He said as he sat down on the floor, the same way she had been sitting for the last three hours. He threw the package at her lightly and it fell right next to her feet. Her reddish eyes spared a glance at it, but when she could only think about Chiyo’s dead body in the rain. She hugged her legs then, head buried in her ankles.

She was sure Ayato frowned, even if she didn’t look. She could also hear the quiet groan that came out of his mouth. “Look, you spoilt shitty kid. It’s a suicide victim, just like you like. From the same damn place your happy go lucky café liked to get them, too. You either eat this now and live on, or keep starving and get to talk with Tatara. And I’m pretty sure that woman would have not wanted you to handle Tatara because of her, either.” He said, stood up and left the room.

Hinami didn’t move until she couldn’t hear his steps anymore. She reached for the meat with one shaking hand, bringing it near her face. He was right. It would be unfair to others, for her to leave, or kill herself like this.

Life is bitter, she thought as she bit into her food, and a few tears fell from her eyes. But she will get stronger, and at the very least will do her best to make sure that others would not have to feel like she does.

-

The ending is always the same, in this world, just as it was in Eto’s books. Happiness always seemed to be a passing theme, no matter who the story focused on. Eto even used to joke of making another short stories book, all inspired by different Aogiri members. Most of said members in the room stiffened until she waved her hand, reminding them she’s not that stupid. “That’s just handing out the CCG clues, isn’t it?”

It was true, Eto would never give away those kind of handouts to the CCG willingly, but the meeting remained tense until the end anyway. They all always tried to forget and move on, it was what ghouls were best at, but pushing the weak spots never made anyone feel better.

She was making coffee at the moment, under Ayato’s request. He never asked her directly but if he had she had no doubt he very much needed it. She didn’t mind it if she was to be honest – it was already a routine to make him and other Aogiri members coffee, and while he was not the type to radiate warmness to others, his presence was soothing to her.

Hinami always grew attached to easily, but regrets were not a part of the process when their friendship grew. To some level, he understood her. They were both just kids without a family, even if he was already adjusted to the loneliness. She could only hope that she won’t lose him later on.

Steam became visible as she heard the kettle boiling, and she rushed towards it. She quickly poured them as she remembered the workers in Anteiku had. The heat burnt her slightly, but she didn’t care for it. The scent of the coffee always visibly relaxed Ayato, and she did not want the smell to dissipate since the coffee had cooled.  

When it was ready, she handed him the coffee carefully. Ayato wasn’t really looking, or at least she didn’t think so, considering his bangs were covering his eyes, but he grabbed the cup, his fingers brushing hers that held the handle. She let go, and within second the cup was right in front of his mouth.

He chugged the coffee down quickly, four sips and it was gone. He sighed.

“…Would you like some more?” Hinami asked. He did many things for her during the last two years, it’s the least she can do, she thought to herself.

He stared into the now empty cup and shook his head. “It’s enough. Thanks.” He answered and ran a hand through his hair, and Hinami could finally see all of his face clearly.

His eyes were tired and wistful.

Love is always bitter, she thought to herself. He missed his sister just like she had and it was clear on his face. Even if the wounds have healed, and they’ve already moved on, the heavy feeling of longing stays lingering.

Even days later, Hinami kept wondering if their ending would be the same.

-

Hinami doesn’t know how much time has passed since she entered Cochlea.

All that she does know is that very soon there will be a disposal and she’s a part of. Time has passed by and the longer Hinami had stayed in the prison, she became less and less relevant to the CCG. She hadn’t seen her big brother in a long while, even though she asked to, and finally had come to terms with the fact that she will die soon.

Her hands rose to her neck. She didn’t know how they would kill her, but she remembers a scene from Eto’s books where a person get their head cut off. She tries not to think about it, but her throat is dry from lack of food and feels as if the area is wounded anyway. The image of a stitched neck comes to mind, the thread slowly unraveling. Fully unraveled, a head rolls around across her cell. Is that mom?

She wonders if she went insane from being alone so long. She can still discern reality and dreams, something many people in Cochlea apparently can’t, if the shouts she hears from others cells are any indicator. But she’s having a hallucinations, hallucinations she does not want to see.

She is reminded of Anteiku, where she had an official eating day set for her. Her imagination willed it that she sees the food right in front of her, her mother and Touka at her sides and Kaneki, still wearing his medical eyepatch with his back to her, still slightly uncomfortable with the idea of humans as food, but urging her it’s okay and she has to eat.

Another day she saw the television they had at the base after Kaneki’s hair turned white. Tsukiyama is putting and sunflower in his hair, blowing a kiss to the air after saying something does not understand. She can see he’s happy, though. She could see Banjou watching a horror film, very much uncomfortable, asking her if she could switch the channel.

Today, she saw Ayato at the Aogiri base, the one with the flowers. He was forcing her to eat again. She never liked eating days in Aogiri. They always meant there are combat missions in the near future. ‘Come on, I don’t want you to disappear. Just eat already.’ She could hear Naki and Miza calling them in for a meeting, and even though she knew nothing was actually in front of her, she ate quickly as the hallucination told her.

Tears once again welled up in her eyes. I’m sorry. Even though I’m eating, I’m going to disappear anyway.

The bitterness she felt in her mouth then was worse than any human food she had ever had the fortune to eat.

-

She couldn’t comprehend what was going on when she saw the door to her cell opening. There were many ghouls up to disposal in her level, so it wouldn’t make any sense to go straight to her room. She wasn’t even the most dangerous one on her level – in fact, most doves she knew agreed she was the most peaceful and cooperative.

She had not counted on her big brother to suddenly appear.

“Hinami chan.”

“…Onii chan?”

“I’m so sorry I’m late. Let’s get out of here.”

She stood up, slightly unbalanced, but slapped him on the face right on.

“Why?... Why did you come? You’re an investigator, aren’t you?” This will only get him into trouble. Even if she’s happy he came here for her, what is it worth if he’s going to disappear again?

“This is my last job.”

It’s always the same.

-

Minutes pass, and Hinami is sitting next to a wall, clutching her legs. Kaneki disappeared to go fight, and she doesn’t know if he’ll return. He said to continue forward, but Hinami doesn’t want to leave him behind.

She hears footsteps. Out of the corner of her already red, glassy eye she sees three people approaching. The one in the front stands out immediately. Ayato.

“Hinami..” he starts.

“Ayato…” She’s still a bit shocked.

“I’m sorry I took so long. Let’s go home.” He finishes. His hand patting her shoulder gently. She almost wants to lean in, but she’s reminded of the other two people in the hall.

She’s was already overwhelmed when she saw Ayato, but then she looks up and sees Yomo and Touka.

“Mr. Yomo…” She inched closer as she said the name, and Touka who stood still so far, came closer as well. “S-sis….” She said, and Touka pinched her cheeks.

“Silly Hinami.” Is the only thing she says, but that alone is more than enough to make Hinami feel as if her home returned to her.

“I’m sorry, s-sis…” she answers.

…But what if it isn’t?

-

Even Banjou came to save her, she realizes as she runs right into his bear hug.

“Hina! I’m so glad you’re okay… Really, thank heavens….”

…Is everything really so bitter?

-

A month later, Hinami has found the answer to her question.

With the formation of Goat almost everyone she had knew from Anteiku have returned to her life. Ayato, Miza, Naki and many other people who are associated to Aogiri Tree have joined as well. There are a few people she doesn’t really know, and one in particular she doesn’t really know how to feel about, but they were important to Kaneki, so she knew she would just have to put her trust in him. He didn’t give her a reason not to.

Now, she was surrounded by the people she cared for. It was a blessing she could never dream of while she was in Aogiri. She sighed happily as she laid on her bed. Her home has returned to her and she will do everything she can in order to keep it this time. For herself, for Ayato, and for everyone else.

The ending doesn’t have to be bitter. The ending is what you make of it.