#Here We Go Again Radio 219

[radiotbb]

Warp Brothers - Here We Go Again Radio 219 - 24-03-2022

Warp Brothers – Here We Go Again Radio 219 – 24-03-2022

[megahologram]

Creature of the Night | Steve Harrington

A/N: this one’s been on hold for a LONG time, I got writes block.

Warning(s): strong language, (that’s it I think)

°•○●○•°

y/n pressed the gas pedal harder with her foot, speeding her car out of Starcort. It had been a long tiring day at work and all she was looking forward to, was going home, sitting in front of the tv and stuffing her face in popcorn. She was driving through the empty roads, blasting her music loudly, when suddenly she heard a faint static sound from a distance. As if from an empty tv channel or radio or…Dustin’s, “code red, I repeat, this is a code red.”

Furrowing her eyebrows, she pulled her car over to the side of the road, pressing on the brakes and pulling her car to park. She was looking around, staring in the front seats of the car to find where the noise was coming from. Ripping her car apart, her eyes finally landed on the big walkie talkie thing her brother’s nerd friend would use to communicate. Remembering Dustin’s specific words, “they aren’t walkie talkies okay, they are one of a kind, Realistic TRC 219 radio” to which she’d always continue to mock her brother of how nerdy he was. Picking up the item from the back corner of her car, ‘probably Dustin’s’ she thought to herself, placing it on the passenger’s seat and continuing to make her way home.

After a few seconds of driving once again, the radio went off, “I repeat, this is a god damn code red, will someone answer the freaking call.” And with that last message, y/n could recognize the voice too well, once again pulling her car to park, she picked up the radio, “Dustin…is that you?” she asked as soon as she pressed the black button on the side of the radio.

“yes it’s me, how are you talking to me?” he replied with confusion.

“I think one of your nerd friends left their walkie talkies in my car”

“how many times do I have to tell you, it’s not a walkie talkie, it’s a one of a kind Realistic T-you know what, it doesn’t even matter, can you just get Lucas, Mike or Will on the line.”

“why the hell would you think I’m with them. I just got off work and I’m on my way home”

“NO DON’T COME HOME” Dustin practically screams through the radio,

“Dustin, what did you do?”

y/n pulled her car through her driveway, running to the back shed where Dustin was standing and waiting for her. Looking at her brother up and down, “you look ridiculous” she says, chuckling.

“yeah well so do you. Can we do some work now” he says, grabbing the bat in this hands before making his way to the root cellar

Walking behind him, she grabbed the bat from his hands, “I swear to god Dustin, if this is a joke, your riding you bike to school for a month”

“it ate our mom’s cat, I am not joking y/n.”

Signing loudly, walking slowly to the closed-door Dustin locked. “keys?” asking the boy, holding out her hands to which Dustin places them. Opening the lock, she slowly and quietly took it out, letting out a deep breath before holding onto the bat tightly, opening the door quickly. Placing the bat in front of her to see nothing. Walking down the dark steps, opening the light of the cellar, looking around to see it was empty. Shaking her head, annoyed and ready to shout at her brother, she started to walk upstairs when her eyes fell on something. “um Dustin” screaming loudly, calling for him.

“what” hearing him screaming from outside.

“get your ass down here right now” she screams, this caused the boy to quickly make his way down. Looking around and seeing no sign of Dart, he huffs in annoyance.

“is this your pet” y/n asked, holding up the shredded piece of skin with the bat, the hole in the wall visible to both of them now. “shit” Dustin whispers looking at the hole.

--

“okay so what the hell is a Demogorgon?”

“were you not listening at all, I just told you. God I don’t have time for this, can you please just drive faster.” Dustin screams, annoyed at her for asking too many questions.

“okay so what do we tell mom about Mews?” she asked her brother, unable to process the fact that their beloved cat was gone.

“uh we don’t tell her anything. Just say she ran away and never came back”

“okay first of all, that’s horrible. Second of all, don’t roll your eyes at me. I literally just get off work, starving and tired and now I’m here driving you to your dumb nerd friends house cause apparently, you fought a giant creature last year called the Demogorgon and never told me”

Dustin rolls his eyes once again, “your starvation is the least of our problems right now and stop acting like you care about me”

Shocked at his words, she turns her head to face the boy. He sat on the passenger’s side looking out the window. Signing loudly, thinking back to when she moved to her father’s house. She had a huge fight with her mom that evening and the next thing she knew, she was on the bus, on her way to her fathers. y/n were there for nearly a year until her father kicked her out, forcing her to move back to her moms. Though her relationship with her mom improved and they both forgave each other for everything that happened that day, Dustin still didn’t forgive her. She knew how much he had the fear of someone he loves leaving him, he was the one who told her. After their dad left, he made her promise that she’d would never leave like their father did but then she disappeared for a year, coming back with a simple sorry. Dustin never forgave her, and she didn’t expect him to either. Just wished her relationship with her brother could go back like it used to.

“of course, I care about you Dusty” you said sadly.

“if you cared, you wouldn’t have left” he replies harshly as she pulled up at Mike’s house. He got out the car, slamming the door behind him as y/n watch the boy make his way to the front door talking to Mr. Wheeler. After a few minutes, she watched him walk back, only to stop once he started talking to Steve. They exchange a few words when Steve replies with a nod and goes back to his car. Dustin quickly makes his way in the car, closing the door beside him as he say “let’s go”

“where?”

“home”

“why hom-”

“y/n just drive the freaking car, will you?”

“alright alright” y/n says, holding up her hands in defense. Driving the car back their home, y/n noticed Steve’s car following them. “why’s Harrington following us?”

“he’s gonna help” Dustin says shortly, continuing to call his other friends with his radio.

--

“Lucas is coming, still don’t know where Mike and Will are” Dustin tells the two, who were collecting pieces of meat in a bucket.

“great” y/n and Steve both say sarcastically.

Steve and Dustin were walking together, while y/n was behind them. Walking on the train track, placing the pieces of meat on the tracks.

“whose Max?” y/n says, overhearing Steve and Dustin’s conversation.

“none of your business” Dustin says aggressively, walking quick on his feet.

y/n signs loudly, couldn’t deny begin hurt by her brother’s words.

“he’s still mad” Steve says, throwing a few pieces of meat on the ground.

y/n, Nancy and Barb were best friends, after Steve’s king phase was gone, they got along better. Before, when Steve was a dick, both y/n and Barb didn’t like him at all. Then y/n disappeared, when she got back, she came to a complete different Steve. They got along better after that, he knew everything about y/n, why she disappeared for a year and how Dustin was still angry at her.

“yeah, he never talks to me about anything anymore. I wish he’d knew how sorry I was”

“you should tell him that. Just try talking to him when the times right”

“I know. Why were you at Nancy’s today?” y/n asked curiously.

“went to say sorry, she wasn’t home I guess”

“um I think she’s with Jonathan” y/n says sadly, as Steve just nods his head in response.

--

“you guys really think this is gonna work” y/n says as everyone just looks at each other in response.

“it has to” Lucas says, looking at everyone else who nods their head.

“okay then, let’s do this” Dustin says, his grip on his hockey stick tightening.

And this was how y/n and Steve were stuck in this school bus with a bunch of kids, fighting a monster neither of them believed in…entirely.

y/n flinched as she heard something slam against side of the bus. Turning her head, she tried to peak outside the window, only to be interrupted by Steve, “it’s just wind, don’t worry…I won’t let anything happen to you” he winked.

“my hero” y/n replied, rolling her eyes.

y/n was sitting on the steps of the bus, by the front door, trying to be as cautious as she could. Though it was hard when her mind was all over the place. All she could think about was ways to get her brother to forgive her or at least talk to her again.

Her thoughts were interrupted by Max speaking, “okay seesh, someone’s cranky, past your bedtime” Watching the girl walk up to the roof of the bus, her eyes landed at her brother’s annoyed expression. Dustin walked back and forth as Steve spoke, “that’s great…just show her you don’t care”

y/n furrowed her eyebrows, unsure what Steve was talking about and why he was smiling like that. Again, her thoughts were interrupted by Dustin’s voice, “I don’t”

y/n noticed Steve wink at her brother at instantly understood. “Steve” she said rather loudly, causing the boy to flinch slightly, “you better not be giving my brother girl advice”

“well, where else is he gonna get it from, you?”

“obviously, you wouldn’t understand a thing about girls, or else Nancy would’ve been here right now with you. But she isn’t, huh!”

Before anyone got a chance to say anything else, everyone heard a loud roar, frightening everyone on that bus.

Lucas and Max were on the roof of the bus, Steve and Dustin shared a window while y/n used the front door of the bus. Everyone stared out in the dark, trying to find the source of the sound. It was difficult because there was smoke everywhere, making it next to impossible to see anything.

“alright, I’m going out” Steve says, picking up his bat that he had punched with nails.

“are you insane?” y/n implies, placing her hand on Steve’s chest, stopping him from moving any further. “you’re crazy if you think I’m going to let you go out there.”

y/n catches the three kids smirks, furrowing her eyebrows in confusion, she questions what was so funny.

Somehow, y/n will never understand how, but the three kids convinced her to let Steve go. “alright kid, just lure him towards the food and we’ll take it from there, alright?”

Steve chuckles sarcastically, “never call me kid again” making his way outside.

“I may be younger than you but I’m a thousand times smarter” Dustin screams as y/n finally closed the door to the bus.

Admittedly, y/n’s heart was racing, and she never understood why. Maybe it was because she was scared if anything happened to Steve. He is her friend after all.

A few minutes had passed as everyone watched Steve trying his best to lure the creature towards the meat. It was difficult to see it through the fog, but y/n still noticed the change in Steve’s body language, he was nervous. She may not be able to see his face but she knew he was nervous, maybe even scared.

Suddenly, everyone heard Lucas shout, “Steve, 3 o’clock”

As if everyone’s head turned on cue, y/n’s eyes widened as she finally caught a glimpse of the creature for the first time. Not one, in fact, Two? Three?

Both y/n and Dustin screamed on cue, “Steve”

y/n pulled the leaver to let the door open, as Dustin screamed “mission abort.”

y/n watched in horror as a creature launched itself on Steve, him knocking it in the process, quickly turned his direction, running for the bus. “guys move out of the way.” y/n exclaims as she pushed the kids out of the way, making space for Steve to run in.

Instantly closing the door behind him, Steve quickly grabs a metal board for the side, covering it over the door, pushing it closed with his legs, trying his best to stop the creature for getting in.

“They can’t get in, they can’t” Lucas shouts, everyone’s screaming getting louder every time they heard it slam against the door.

As if something clicked, y/n’s eyes widened in horror, “guys the roof” she screams, running towards the ladder.

Everyone’s breathing got louder as they heard the creature launch itself on the roof. The footsteps could be heard as it got closer to the emergency exit at the top. y/n didn’t know what she was doing, she grabbed the metal rod she found beside her, holding it up in the air, ready for it to be used.

Her breath hitched in her throat as she came face to face with the creature. It screamed on her face, some of the slime falling on her face. Her hands were trembling, and her thoughts were racing. ‘what the fuck was she thinking?’

The next few seconds were a blur at the most. One moment, she was ready to be attacked and she was but not by what or who she was expecting. Steve tackled her to the ground, causing her back to slam hard on the cold, hard floor of the bus. A few seconds into realization, they both look over to the emergency exit, seeing as it was gone.

“they’re gone” Max whispers, confusion laced in her voice.

Completely ignoring the kids conversation, y/n realized the events that had unfolded. “what the fuck is wrong you?” she screams at Steve, slapping his chest in an attempt to get his body off hers. Failing miserably at that.

“What the heck were you thinking? What did you think you were going to do, just kick that thing in the balls and think it’s going to get away from you.”

Steve’s words brought rage in her, “no but I’m going to kick you in the balls if you don’t get off me in the next 5 seconds” to which she finally pushed him off her.

“That was so irresponsible, y/n” Steve says, finally lowering his voice as he gets on his feet.

y/n scoffs, shocked at his words, “and what you did there. Just going out there with your nail bat. That wasn’t irresponsible to you.”

“that’s different” Steve replies, walking closer to the girl.

“how’s it different? Cause I’m a girl, you think I can’t-“

“I never said that” Steve cuts you off. Both adults now dangerously close to one another.

“that’s what you meant”

“Guys knock it off okay.” Dustin screams, “goddamn, sometimes I feel like I’m the only mature one around here.”

y/n laughs bitterly at his words, “you wish” she mutters, not intending for him to hear, but he did.

“at least I don’t run away from my problems. I face them” and with that, Dustin walks out of the bus. Leaving y/n to let out a breath she never knew she was holding. Her head fell in her hands as a few tears dropped from her eyes at her brother’s cold choice of words.

“hey…hey” Steve whispers, holding onto her hands, causing the girl unable to hide her state.

“he hates me. He’s never going to forgive me.” y/n stifles out, tears threatening to fall down.

Steve places both his hands on the girls cheek, wiping her tears away. “I promise, he’s angry but he does not hate you. Look at me.”

y/n eyes fall on the man standing in front of her. Maybe she didn’t realize herself but his expression instantly calmed her down. “I don’t know how, but I promise I’ll help you get your brother back okay”

y/n nods her head, pulling Steve in for a hug.

The moment was interrupted by Max fake coughing. Both adults pulled away, facing the two kids that were still awkwardly standing there.

“you need an invitation to leave” Steve says sarcastically, causing y/n to laugh quietly.

“we should leave”

“so what now” Max asks, as everyone stood outside, unable to process what the hell was going on.

“I guess we should head back” y/n says, causing Dustin to turn at her words.

“no, we can’t. Those things are still out there, we gotta do something.”

“Dustin, who knows how many more are out there. And even if we try, do you really think we can just beat those things.”

“Eleven could” Lucas whispers.

Dustin finally hit an idea, “okay, maybe we can’t beat them. What if we find professionals”

“like the law enforcement?” Max questions.

Dustin scoffs, “if I knew they were even one percent helpful, wouldn’t I have called them in the first place.”

Max rolls her eyes at his words. “okay guys calm down. Dustin’s right. We need professionals. Or at least more people than three kids and two lame adults.” Steve exclaims, this time causing y/n to roll her eyes.

“one lame adult” y/n corrects, smiling wickedly at Steve as he just sticks his tongue out.

“real mature”

“guys” Dustin screamed, “y’all can flirt later, we gotta save the world right now”

[cardest]

San Francisco playlist

San Francisco  - my favorite city in the world! The bands, the music, the songs are all here, in this playlist I created. I threw in a bit of Sac and went south by San Jose, Monterrey and up past Sausalito. Can we make it to 250 songs? Let me know what bands/songs I left out.

Have I left out a song or a band in this San Francisco playlist? Let me know! Cheers! 

Play the songs here at this link: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL-iHPcxymC1-HLG9q5rZLsqs8EYh6bhu- San Francisco

001 The Dillinger Escape Plan w/Mike Patton -  When Good Dogs Do Bad Things 002 Night flight Orchestra - California Morning 003 Quincy Jones - Call Me Mister Tibbs OST (Main Title) 004 James Taylor Quartet - Dirty Harry theme song 005 Faith No More - Seperation anxiety 006 Streets of San Francisco TV show theme song 007 Santana -  Evil Ways 008 High on Fire -  Electric Messiah 009 Metallica - Disposable Heroes 010 Hammers Of Misfortune -  Dead Revolution 011 Buddy Guy -  Hello San Francisco 012 Faith No More - Jungle 013 Isaac Hayes - Shaft 014 Orange Peels  - Back In San Francisco 015 Idris Ackamoor and the Pyramids - Message To My People 016 Thee Oh Sees - The Dream 017 Merle Haggard - Here In Frisco 018 Audrey Horne -  California 019 Journey -  Lights 020 Death Angel -  Hatred United / United Hate 021 Mel Tor Me - Got The Date On The Golden Gate 022 Duke Ellington -  Tourist Point Of View 023 Sons of Anarchy  - This Life (Sons of Anarchy Theme Song) 024 Larry Graham's Central Station - Earthquake 025 LARD - I Wanna Be A Drug Sniffing Dog 026 Machine Head -  California Bleeding 027 Neurosis -  The Doorway 028 KING WOMAN - Utopia 029 Lalo Schifrin - Magnum Force OST  Main Title 030 Forbidden -  Adapt Or Die 031 DBUK - In San Francisco Bay 032 Jack Name - Werewolf Factory 033 John Carpenter - Theme from "The Fog" 034 Khiis - Saboor 035 Richie Havens -  San Francisco Bay Blues 036 Metallica - Battery 037 Autopsy - charred remains 038 ExTREMITY_-_Crepuscular_Crescendo 039 The Otherside -  Streetcar 040 Quincy Jones - Ironside (TV Theme) 041 Megadeth -  Back in the Day 042 Sly and the Family Stone - Stand! 043 Faith No More -  From Out of Nowhere 044 Willie Hutch-Vampin (The Mack OST 045 Orchid -  Mouths Of Madness 046 Lalo Schifrin - Bullitt OST - On The Way To San Mateo 047 Vince Guaraldi - Woodstock's Dream 048 Fantomas -  4-11-05 049 Violation Wound - Fearmonger + State of Alarm 050 Primus - Those Damned Blue-Collar Tweekers 051 The Flower Pot Men - Let's Go to San Francisco (Part.1-2) 052 Bosse-de-Nage - Crux 053 Rod McKuen - The Beat Generation 054 Dionne Warwick - Do You Know The Way To San Jose 055 The Watchers - Sabbath Highway 056 Possessed - the eyes of horror 057 Scott McKenzie – San Francisco (Be Sure to wear flowers) 058 Tower Of Power -  Oakland Stroke 059 Big Trouble In Little China OST - Pork chop express 060 Vio-lence -  Calling In The Coroner 061 Black Oak Arkansas - The Big Ones Still Coming 062 Mr. Bungle - Love Is a Fist 063 VUUR -  The Fire - San Francisco 064 Testament - The Haunting 065 Electronicat - Frisco Bay 066 Y&T - Mean Streak 067 Thee Oh Sees -  Toe Cutter/Thumb Buster 068 Sweet - California Nights - Promo Clip (OFFICIAL) 069 Sadus - Swallowed In Black 070 Chuck Berry - San Francisco Dues 071 Sammy Hagar - Keep on rockin' 072 Fuzz -  Sleigh Ride 073 Otis Redding - Sittin' on The Dock of the Bay 074 Pleasure Leftits - The Gate 075 BL'AST - Sometimes 076 Santana - Samba de Sausalito 077 Acephalix - Upon This Altar 078 Sun Ra    - Lady With The Golden Stockings 079 Chris Isaak - San Francisco Days 080 Pointer Sisters - How Long (Betcha' Got A Chick On The Side) 081 High On Fire -  Carcosa 082 Will Haven -  When The Walls Close In 083 The Coup -  Laugh/Love/Fuck 084 King Khan - Teeth Are Shite 085 Deafheaven -  Irresistible 086 Glitter Wizard -  Blood of the Serpent 087 Jefferson Airplane -  It's No Secret 088 Cannonball Adderley - This Here 089 The Warlocks -  Can't Come Down 090 Squirmy Sax Man - I Still Believe 091 Acid King - Coming Down from Outer Space 092 George Duke - Sausalito 093 The Lost Boys - Cry Little Sister (Theme From The Lost Boys OST) 094 Betty Davis - [They Say I'm Different] He Was a Big Freak 095 Fever Tree - San Francisco Girls 096 The Dillinger Escape Plan w/ Mike Patton -  Pig Latin 097 Build Them to Break - Lucky Strike 098 Montrose - Rock Candy 099 PRIMUS - THE TOYS GO WINDING DOWN 100 Joe Satriani - Big Bad Moon 101 Sleater Kinney - Jumpers 102 GRUESOME - Dimensions Of Horror 103 Sly & the Family Stone - Everday People 104 Huey Lewis and the News - Back in Time 105 Hammers Of Misfortune - 2 17th Street 106 Jerry Fielding - Prologue _ Main Title (The Enforcer OST) 107 Metal Church - The Dark 108 Deftones - Ohms 109  John Lee Hooker - Frisco Blues 110 DRI - Go Die 111 16th & Valencia Roxy Music- Devendra Banhart, What We Will Be 112 MC Hammer - Too Legit to Quit 113 Dead Kennedys-Police Truck 114 Rancid - Adina 115 San Francisco's Shiver - Up My Sleeve 116 Bernard Herrmann - Vertigo OST - The Bay 117 Faith No More - Last Cup Of Sorrow 118 Blackburn & Snow -  Stranger In a Strange Land 119 The Doobie Brothers - What A Fool Believes 120 The Grateful Dead - Sugar Magnolia 121 Cab Calloway - San Francisco Fan 122 The Charlatans - codine 123 Buck Owens - Want To Live In San Francisco 124 Sleep - Dragonaut 125 Death Angel - 5 Steps Of Freedom 126 Neil Young - Heart of Gold 127 Vastum -  Reveries in Autophagia 128 Dead Kennedys -  Moon Over Marin 129 EchoBrain -  Colder World 130 Riz Ortolani    - Lombard Street   131 Waylon Jennings - San Francisco Mabel Joy   132 Con Funk Shun - Confunkshunizeya 133 Chic - Hes the Greatest Dancer 134 Peace Creep - Radio Free Alcatraz   135 ABBA - Santa Rosa 136 Brian Wilson and Van Dyke Parks - San Fransisco 137 Together Band - California Curl California Girl 138 The Hellers - It's 74 In San Francisco 139 Pat Todd - No Place Like Home 140 Nancy Wilson - I'm Always Drunk In San Francisco (And I Don't Drink At All) 141 Anathema -  San Francisco 142 Blue Cheer -  Fool 143 Exhumed - Gravewalker 144 Darondo - Let My People Go 145 Exodus -  Blood In Blood Out 146 Lalo Schifrin Dirty Harry OST - Scorpios Theme   147 Johnny Cash - Folsom Prison Blues 148 Wild Light - California on my mid 149 Herbie Hancock - Man-child -  Hang Up Your Hang Ups 150 Fantomas -  Spider Baby 151 The Lord Weird Slough Feg -  Headhunter 152 The Animals - San Franciscan Nights 153 Twilight - Dance with Me 154 THE POINTER SISTERS - Yes We Can Can 155 Residents - Hello Skinny 156 CCR HEADCLEANER - Eat This Riff 157 LEON WARE  - Thats Why I Came To California 158 Creedence Clearwater Revival - I Put A Spell On You 159 Comorant - The First Man 160 Bosse-de-Nage  - The Trench 161 Hell Fire - Free Again   162 Riz Ortolani  - Golden Gate Bridge 163 Fleetwood Mac - You Make Loving Fun 164 Uther Pendragon - San Francisco Earthquake 165 Melvins - Zodiac 166 La Luz - California Finally 167 The Wyatt Act - Push 168 Santana - Soul Sacrifice 169 Cheap Trick - On the Radio 170 Electric Wizard -  Venus In Furs 171 Led Zeppelin -  Misty Mountain Hop 172 Tommy Castro - Callin' San Francisco 173 Viscious Rumors - Digital Dictator 174 Ghoul-Off With Their Heads 175 Diesel - Sausalito Summernight (Single Version) 176 Sheila E - A Love Bizarre 177 Starship - Nothings Gonna Stop Us Now 178 Jeffry Osboune - I Really Don't Need No Light 179 Nazareth -  Alcatraz 180 Freak of Nature - Rescue Me 181 Metallica - Crash Course In Brain Surgery 182 10000 Maniacs - Hey Jack Kerouac 183 Faith No More -  Get Out 184  URSA -  Wizard's Path 185 Jefferson Airplane - Aerie (Gang of Eagles) 186 Tower of Power - Just Enough and Too Much 187 Fred Hughes - san francisco is a lonely town 188 Mamaleek - Eating Unblessed Meat 189 Moby Grape - Naked If I Want To 190 Exodus - Metal Command 191 Pig Destroyer - Alcatraz Metaphors 192 the Donnas - You Make Me Hot 193 Hot Tuna - True Religion 194 Heathen - Opiate of the Masses 195 Fanny - Come and Hold Me 196 Sadus - Hands Of Fate 197 Negative Trend - Meathouse 198 Forbidden - Forbidden Evil 199 Spazz - Crush Kill Destroy 200 Testament - The Preacher 201 HEXX - Morbid Reality 202 Vio-Lence - Phobophobia 203 Dead Kennedys - One Way Ticket To Pluto 204 Tom Waits - Get Behind The Mule 205 CRETIN - It 206 RAMONES - Judy Is A Punk 207 Full House - Intro 208 Willie Alexander and the Boom Boom Band - Kerouac 209 Primus - Dirty Drowning Man 210 Wooden Shjips -  Motorbike 211 The Tony Williams Lifetime Ego - Clap City 212 Middle of the Road - Sacramento (A Wonderful Town) 213 Green Day - At the Library 214 Slayer -  Gemini 215 Tetema - Cutlass Eye 216 Defiance - Death Machine 217 Brisco County Jr theme 218 Doug McKechnie - Crazy Ray 219 Ulthar - Furnace Hibernation 220 Mr. Bungle -  ANARCHY UP YOUR ANUS 221 Dirty Ghosts  - Let It Pretend 222 They Might Be Giants - San Francisco (In Situ) 223 Metallica - The Shortest Straw 224 OM - Unitive Knowledge of the Godhead 225 Laaz Rockit - City's Gonna Burn 226 Autopsy - Skullptures 227 Mordred - Spectacle of Fear 228 Sly & the Family Stone - Luv N' Haight 229 Possessed - Seven Churches 230 Machine Head - The Rage to Overcome 231 Thelonius Monk - San Francisco Holiday 232 The Units - The Mission Is Bitchin 233 Del Tha Funkee Homosapien - Mistadobalina 234 Arnocorps - Dead lift 235 The Grateful Dead - The Golden Road 236 DRI - All for nothing 237 Jim Martin - Disco dust 238 Thee Oh Sees - I come from the mountain 239 Death Angel - Discontinued 240 Starship - We Built This City 241 Captured! by Robots - Endless Circle of Bullshit 242 Pins Of Light - My revenge 243 Sun Ra - We Travel the Spaceways 244 Faith No More - caffeine 245 David Lee Roth - Just like paradise 246 San Francisco Fog Horns by Golden Gate Bridge 247 Abscess - Tormented 248 Mortuous - Bitterness 249 Dead Kennedy's - California uber alles 250 Twitch Angry - San Francisco 666 Neurosis - Water Is Not Enough

So, hop on a cable car, grab ice cream at Swenson’s or bark back at the seals down by Pier 39. Catch a Bear’s game at Berkeley and do some squirmy sax moves in the Haight after you down some beers at the Toronado and play my San Fran playlist! Here are the songs in the link: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL-iHPcxymC1-HLG9q5rZLsqs8EYh6bhu-

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 224: More Like Slidin’ Go Fuck Yourself

Previously on BnHA: We caught up back to real time and learned that the Shigaraki Squad has been battling Gigantomachia basically nonstop for the past month and a half. Tomura in particular has barely eaten or slept (the others at least got breaks), yet is in an oddly good mood despite having not made much progress. Anyway, Twice got a phone call from Giran’s number, except that it turned out not to be Giran, because we of course know that the Quirk Liberation Army has captured him. Guess what else they’ve done! If you guessed “tortured him for a week and severed five of his fingers and placed them in symbolic locations to send a message to the League,” you guessed right and that’s pretty fucked up that you actually guessed that! So anyway, DetCEO, who apparently goes by “Re-Destro”, bragged to Tomura about how they have 116,516 “liberation warriors” spread throughout the country and have been preparing for this moment for generations. They want to tear down the world and rebuild it as a place where everyone can freely use their quirks. Almost doesn’t sound too bad, until you remember the whole “kidnap, torture, and dismember” thing (and the fact that Re-Destro killed poor Mickey Mouse just a handful of chapters ago). Also they knew Tomura’s exact location somehow, and Re-Destro threatened to sic all of the top heroes on them if they don’t cooperate. He told Tomura to meet them at Deika City in Aichi Prefecture so they can have an epic battle.

Today on BnHA: Re-Destro invites the Shigaraki Squad to a big ol’ murderfest free for all in Aichi prefecture. The squad takes a few minutes to debate the merits of accepting this invitation, with the most pressing arguments in favor being “they kidnapped and tortured our bro Giran” and “they know our location and will sic all of the top heroes on us if we don’t”, while the biggest argument against is the whole “it’s obviously a trap” thing. Ujiko, who’s listening in on the whole thing, warns that he won’t be able to lend them any High Ends for the time being. But Tomura doesn’t seem too concerned, and asks Ujiko to warp them over. His plan is to have Gigantomachia follow them and fuck up the Meta Liberation Army’s day, thus killing two birds with one stone for him. So they head to Deika City, picking up Dabi on the way, and are greeted by none other than fucking Slidin’ Go, who’s apparently evil. Huh. He leads them through the city, which seems mostly abandoned. “Seems” being the operative word, as it turns out the city is occupied by Liberation army cronies, who proceed to greet Tomura and the gang with some friendly violence. Tomura and co. respond in kind, and the focus shifts to Toga, who’s facing off with Kizuki from the Army who has All Might’s eyes and Katsuki’s quirk (a winning combo if I do say so myself). Anyway so now they’re gonna fight.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my mostly-unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’m caught up with the manga now at chapter 226, so any ETAs will reflect that.)

so apparently Re-Destro told Tomura to be at the location within the hour, because Horikoshi has apparently learned his lesson about long, drawn-out arcs. thank you god, thank you jesus

apparently they know the League can warp, so they won’t accept any excuses for them taking their sweet time

and this is super creepy tbh

satellites. why didn’t you think of that, Tomura? here you guys are relying on secret traitors for your intel instead like amateurs

but seriously, it’s so creepy to have people with this capability and have them be the bad guys. imagine what kind of dystopian shit they’d get up to if they actually won?? it wouldn’t be pretty, I can tell you that much

obviously go meet up with them and kick their asses. or, even better, take the gorilla with you

oh my god Twice I love you so much though

Twice you are the Kirishima of villains. Tomura! listen to him! you can be villains who both win and rescue!!

oh my god Toga

TOGA I BELIEVED IN YOU WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS

Twice is passionately saying that if there’s even the slightest chance he’s still alive, they have to go

now Compress is chiming in and pointing out that charging in with no plan is a very bad idea and that Twice always gets “attached” too easily. omg. stfu Compress. so sorry for actually giving a shit, dude

so what does Tomura have to say about all this? villain he may be, but his origin story involves being “rescued” by AFO after being seemingly abandoned by everyone else (or so he believes anyway). are you going to just leave Giran to a fate like that? and then there’s the matter of that satellite tracking you too

oh shit

wow what a fucked up move dude. but effective though

ooh now he’s getting in touch with Ujiko and asking if he was listening in

Ujiko is all “you kids are always on your fancy little ‘radios’“ lol what. Ujiko it’s 2214, cell phones have been around for 250 years. get with the fucking times dude

meanwhile poor Twice is clutching his head and moaning that he’s splitting apart, but only Toga seems to care. ;_; ahh Twice

Compress is getting all hopeful and thinking that they can use the High Ends to battle the Liberation Army

but Ujiko is all “sorry but no”

please stop calling them children you fucking creep omg. do you not even care

so Hijack Noumu’s name was “Hood”, huh? farewell, High Puns Noumu. it’s been fun times but I was seriously running out of things that start with “high”, so I’m gonna latch on to this Hood thing if you don’t mind lol

well we all know AFO being gone is more of a temporary inconvenience (:

lastly, it’s very curious how he says “difficult” as opposed to impossible. please give us the deets of how Noumus are made already Horikoshi. I know I’m gonna regret being so curious but I want to know all the same. open that big ol’ Pandora’s box

Compress is all “well fuck”, but Tomura says that wasn’t his plan anyway. oh?

I bet you he wants to use the recording of AFO’s voice to get Giganto under control

ahhh, yeah, it’s looking that way my dudes

oh my god you guys

fuck me. but just. it’s the first time I’ve ever been struck by a resemblance between the two of them, is all. something about the confidence in his smile. for once he’s not unhinged; he’s perfectly in control of himself and he is a man with a plan, and just. damn. boy you look like your grandma and I’m feeling those Shimura feels though

anyway, so it’s interesting that he’s also getting Dabi to meet up with them. meaning his plan is (for the moment, at least) beyond my comprehension, because I certainly can’t figure out wth he’s thinking right now

and now Spinner’s all “we’re seriously rushing straight in?!” and pointing out that they have no idea what they’re getting into and they’re going up against an army that’s supposedly 110,000 strong

ah, okay, maybe I did figure out his plan after all

okay but then why do you need Dabi

now Ujiko is yelling in his ear “BUT WHAT WILL YOU DO IF IT WAS ALL A BLUFF?!”

and Tomura is all “well then Giganto will fucking die, s’no skin off my back”

Spinner keeps expressing doubts and it’s really starting to look like he may actually switch sides you guys

Tomura is all “don’t make me say it again”

oh good he is fixing Twice up now

... [headpats]

oh Tomura

the good folks of Deika City might want to think about getting the fuck out of Dodge you guys

(ETA: they are all bad folks. you fuckers have only yourselves to blame. have fun being dusted, roasted, compressed, and floated twice over. and Goron pounded. and whatever Spinner fucking does. is it really just the samurai sword. whatever.)

oh look Dabi did join them after all

you guys seeing them act like heroes is so fucking weird though. I know they’re our protags for this arc but still. weird

why did you agree to come?? because you love them you jerk. and you owe Giran as much as anyone

petition to rename this the Villain Feels arc you guys

oh shit

good instincts you guys! good eye, Toga!

OH MY FUCKING --

MOTHERFUCKER!?!?!

so there really was a reason chapter 219 was named after this guy, huh?? he had such a minor role but Horikoshi wanted to make sure we didn’t just immediately forget about him! holy shit. motherfucker did you even return all of those wallets??

holy shitballs this frictionless fuck hugged Katsuki and Shouto and no one suspected a damn thing

AND!!!

as we know, Katsuki was right to call attention to this. but now we know Slidin’ was being intentionally dismissive of the villain’s tech in order to hide Detnerat’s involvement! son of a bitch. that might even have been why he was there in the first place

look at this piece of shit

fuck this guy so hard

oh my fuck

petition to rename this arc the Villain Feels/Stephen King Novel arc

holy shit

well at least we know they’re all expendable. that’s good, considering the League isn’t likely to go out of their way to keep any innocent passerby from dying horribly. run that mission statement by me again one more time, Tomura? “destroy everything?” yeah that’s what I thought you said, thanks

wow and the big bads are here too already!!

if the one on the left (Kizuki, just went back and checked) fights anyone other than Toga I’m gonna lowkey be rooting for her ngl

YOOOO

WHERE DID ALL THESE PEOPLE COME FROM ALL OF A SUDDEN AND HOW QUICKLY WILL DABI BURN THEM ALL TO DEATH, DO YOU THINK

like, okay, so you wanna come at us like that then?? fun! fucking bring it!

holy shit this guy is a politician??

is that what he means by “party”? damn these guys are in the fucking government and everything

government, big business, satellites... look, no pressure here Tomura, but if you don’t win, I’m starting to think we are seriously screwed

anyway so Twice is all “who cares about these guys, where’s Giran?” and I have to admire his focus in the face of... all this

Hanabata is gesturing to the observation tower in the distance and says Giran is “waiting” over there with Re-Destro

and Twice is all outraged because they said they’d return Giran to them when they got there. “you filthy liar.” wow imagine that. bad guys lying about shit

someone or other appears to be watching everything from the nearby security cameras. probably RD. motherfucker

now these two guys are introducing themselves to Tomura because I guess they’d like to be disintegrated today

nice knowing you guys. but not really

hahahahahhaaa

I know it’s fucked up, but they had it coming, and that was some of the stupidest shit anyone in this manga has pulled in a hot minute though

um

hard not to see an explosion and immediately think of my boy Kacchan! but obviously he’s not there, so what gives??

oh shit

sladkfjalskdfowiehfoksSDLFKJSLDGKHL

okay. okay hold up. gather my thoughts. can’t just keysmash, gotta get my brain back into working order here...!

motherfucker how did I know the girl was gonna fight the other girl. well whatever

THIS BITCH HAS KATSUKI’S QUIRK BUT FROM LONG-DISTANCE?! LIKE PYROKINESIS BUT WITH EXPLOSIONS?! WHAT DO YOU CALL THIS, COMBUSTIKINESIS?? ALSO I KNEW I WAS RIGHT TO LOVE HER FROM THE OUTSET OMG

and on top of that, that gesture with her fingers is giving me strong flashbacks to [S] Cascade from Homestuck

TOGA FAKED HER OWN DEATH TELL ME MORE!?!?

ARE WE GOING TO GET SOME MOTHERFUCKING TOGA FLASHBACKS YOU GUYS I CAN’T. I KNOW I’VE SAID IN THE PAST THAT I DON’T CARE AND WOULDN’T MIND IF SHE JUST STAYS CRAZY WITH NO EXPLANATION BUT THIS IS ALSO GOOD YOU GUYS. I CAN’T LIE, I’M SO FUCKING HYPED RIGHT NOW??

TOGA YOU HAD BETTER FIT THAT FLASHBACK INTO A SINGLE CHAPTER THOUGH BECAUSE THE GOLDEN WEEK BREAK IS ALMOST HERE AND I S2G HORIKOSHI IF YOU PULL ANY BULLSHIT AND LEAVE ME HANGING FOR TWO WHOLE FUCKING WEEKS, I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN MOTHERFUCKER

(ETA: THIS BITCH DOESN’T EVER LISTEN TO ME AND MY EMPTY THREATS. GODDAMMIT.)

oh my god. hype for days. you guys. this is amazing

[jessilynallendilla]

THE CONCRETE MIXER

Witches cry out against Ettil who won’t fight with Mars against Earth, he encourages them. (good) His wife cries and Ettil explains that it’s foolish, Earth will destroy them. (yeah they have no immunity against the common cold) Outside he could hear the marching army. Ettil resolves to stay on Mars and read, (I would too) his father in law says he’ll be shot, “Who ever heard of a Martian not invading? Who!” p.210 Ettil shoves him out of the house only to be arrested and Ettil shouts his goodbye to his wife.

In his cell he watches the rockets take off. Another with Ettil’s illegal Earth books demands an explanation. Ettil says that’s the reason he won’t invade and to get it over with and shoot him. (badass) He points out the books are on Mars invading Earth, getting thwarted by a man named Rick, Mick, Bannon or Jick (what kinda name is Jick?) and failing. The official calls it treason, Ettil brings up that Earth has generations of children reading stories of Earth successfully defeating an invasion, Mars doesn’t. (point taken) Reading that gives them morale. “Their youth of reading just such fiction as this has given them faith we cannot equal.” p.212 The official says Ettil has a choice join the war or burn with his books, Ettil chooses to burn. (badass like that lady in Fahrenheit 451) As he watches his books burn in the courtyard, he sees his fearful son watching, (oh that’s low and cruel) he changes his mind.

As they march to the ship Ettil sees his wife crying, (does this woman do anything but cry?) the men are laughing and Ettil whispers that they’re off to destruction but changes to victory when someone overhears him. Everything about him is back on Mars but here you’re a robot to bring death to Earthmen. You’re already dead here. Ettil thinks it happened quick, one Earth rocket reverse engineered to make an invasion. And now they know all about Earth and its people, (from one rocket and not all our radio signals?) “And we shall pay the price for our brilliance…” p.215

They wait to attack when the silence is broken by an Earth radio signal. (see) William Sommers, president of a production company welcomes them. They renounced war and are unprepared for the invasion they welcome them and ask for mercy. Sommers calls them all brothers and the Martians think he is either mad or it’s a trick. (or both)

People waited at the tarmac, the Mayor, his wife, Miss California 1965, Miss America 1940, Mr. Biggest Grapefruit and the police holding back the crowd, a full welcome wagon band and rockets. The band plays California, Here I Come, Oh, You Golden State and Santa Clause Is Coming to Town with the lyrics changed to Martians. When they land the Mayor makes a speech about the benefit of the Martians, Miss America offers to kiss them, the band play How Do You Do, Everybody and Mr. Grapefruit gives them a two-ton truck of grapefruit. All of this starting at 1:30 and ending at 4:00. (well with the lack of professionalism aside at least they’re efficient)

One Martian is suspicious of all this and wants to kill them. (of course they would) All around people mingle and ask questions. Ettil says he can feel a subtle evil about this and they’re going to do something he can just can’t figure out what. “One huge mass of common men, loving dogs and cats and Martians equally. And yet-and yet-” p.219 The humans pass out free beer (it’s technically toxic to us what makes you think an alien you know nothing about can consume it?) and the Martians start to get sick on our food. (see no immunity) The assignor says they overdid their hospitality and orders them to town as other ships land.

They walk into town and get scared by women in a beauty parlor looking like undersea creatures. (is Ray Bradbury a Humans Are Space Orcs poster?) They would rush them shrieking, destroy their sensibilities and change them into husbands and working men who pays so they can come in here and eat their evil chocolates. (sexism mixed with space orcs) A few think they can control the women. (sexism) A few women call out to the Martians calling them cute, Ettil runs. (like you do)  

Ettil sits at the park still in horror of the movie theatre. A woman gets his attention asking if he wants to go see a picture, everyone else is. He asks if that’s all they do, she says what else is there and laughs at the thought of reading. (air headed ditz) They do drive around and Ettil should get the new model. Then she says all his talk makes him sound like a communist they don’t stand for that, (this was written during the cold war it was all Americana during this time) they’ve been good to the Martians and let them invade. Ettil says that’s what he’s trying to understand, the woman says it’s because they’re big hearted and walk off.

Ettil tries to write a letter to his wife but is interrupted by an old woman and a girl with a tambourine asking if he’s been saved. (oh no) Ettil is confused asking if they’re in danger. The woman goes on that he’s in danger of the worst kind and “We saved lots already today. I saved three myself, of you Mars people. Ain’t we nice?” p.223 (no no you’re not) Then ask if he’s been baptized, Ettil is confused and asks if that’s like being shot. The woman goes on of how he’s being sinful and had an ignorant upbringing in those Martian schools that don’t teach the truth just lies (you’re right we do need to teach religion in schools let’s start with Islam) and if he wants to be happy, he needs to be baptized. (no you don’t)

She goes on describing peace, quiet, milk, honey and laughter and Ettil blurts out that Mars is a great planet like she described. She stops and asks if he’s joking, he says no, and the woman goes again that she wasn’t talking about nasty Mars and that it’s his type that will boil, suffer and be tortured. (yes insult a person their beliefs and homeland that will get them to listen to you and come to your side) He cuts her off, “I must admit Earth isn’t very nice. You described it beautifully.” p.224 Then pleads ignorance when she gets mad again and calls him a heathen. (All My Friends Are Heathens~) She gives him a pamphlet to the church if he wants baptized and goes down the street singing loudly that she’s happy. (and is promptly arrested for disturbing the peace)

Ettil writes to his wife again, that he was naïve to think Earthmen would counter attack with weapons. There are blond, pink, rubber robots that live in caves. They have large butts. They are hypnotized to watch movies for lengthy periods of time. And their only muscles are in their jaws from constantly chewing gum. (seriously read the actual story it’s chock full of Humans Are Space Orcs content) They’ve been dropped like seeds into a concrete mixer, (tiiii-tlllle) that is this civilization. They won’t survive, killed by kindness and “We will be destroyed not by the rocket but by the automobile…” p.225 Then right on time, there’s a car crash involving Earthmen and Martians. Ettil writes the statistics of car crashes, people made into jelly, the horror. (yeah car accidents can be pretty nasty)

Blood is all over the highway. Halloween is one of their holidays and he thinks that’s when they worship the automobile or something about death. (Space Orcs) He sees the army trapped in cinemas, by gum and witches. The Earthmen are killing them with romance. Then he writes that he will try to escape and may die and wishes love to their child. Confused about it all he leaves the park only knowing if he stays, he would own things that keep him here like a wife and a car. He sees the haunted faces of Earthmen. (…really?) A limo pulls up to Ettil and a man invites him in where they can talk. Ettil does. (stranger danger)

R.R. Van Plank orders Ettil a Manhattan, he works for Big Studios, he shakes Ettil’s hand which Ettil thinks is a message and Plank tells him of his idea, a movie about Earth being invaded by Mars. (you think it will be popular with all that’s going on?) He keeps talking about how he can give Ettil money and women from his black book, (ew) Ettil mistakes that the talk of peaches is about fruit. Plank doesn’t understand and explains his vision of Mars’s silver cities, Martians dancing around fires and tall blond Martian women. (is this cultural appropriation?) He won’t listen to Ettil when he says that Martian cities don’t look like that, they don’t dance around fires and Martian women are dark. Plank starts calling Ettil other names like Mac, Billy, Roscoe etc. because he says Ettil is a woman’s name (how?) and then goes on about his idea of a Martian woman saving the ship from a meteor. (of course)

Ettil asks why Earthmen are being nice to them, “We invade your planet, and you welcome us-everybody-like long-lost children.” p.229 (this has implications of imperialism) Plank explains everyone on Earth is common, the Martians envied Earth cities and were lonely. (mansplaining to Martians) He reasons they came down for Earth’s cities and women (of course) and they welcome them. There’s profit to be made, movies, dolls, games etc. and all the things Earth can sell to the Martians. (are the Martians sure they landed on Earth and not Ferenginar?) Ettil asks what R.R. stands for, it’s Richard Robert, the Ettil asks if people call him Rick. Plank says yes and Ettil starts laughing that he doesn’t have muscles, a lean jaw or a gun, just money, a ring and is overweight. Plank gets offended (I think anyone would if you called them fat) and Ettil says he’ll be the one who’ll conquer Mars and Plank tells him that he’s just a businessman wanting to corner the Martian market with cartoons, perfumes, dresses and shoes. Ettil tells him they don’t even wear shoes. Plank calls them Oakies (what people called Dust Bowl refugees from Oklahoma basically he’s calling them white/trailer trash) and they’ll shame everyone into wearing shoes, then nail polish. (modern advertisement I see) He asks Ettil if they’ve got a deal starting at two hundred a week. Ettil says he’s sick on the Manhattan, he starts turning blue (ok I’m really interested to see what these Martians look like) and steps out for fresh air.

Outside Ettil asks if all this is the reason they were taken in, Plank says yes, anytime Earthmen can make a buck and he leaves Ettil with his card. Ettil doesn’t know what to do now, he sees the rockets and hears the night life including the common occurrence of a Martian having a nervous breakdown in the compound from all the over stimulation. (learn to pace yourself) Ettil walks to the ships, the guards are drunk, (clearly the best for the job) and he wonders how many in the year will die from liver cirrhosis, kidney failure and suicide. He has to make a choice, stay on Earth and make movies lying about Mars, or steal a rocket and return. (quite the difficult choice there)

He thinks of their ancient cities and ancestral graves having nightclubs and casinos built into them. (replace the Martian context with Native American) He resolves to go to Mars to his wife and son and read his books for a few years until they’re invaded by neon. Then they could hide in the mountains until tourists come with their cameras. “War is a bad thing, but peace can be a living horror.” p.233 (traditions start to die and culture is trivialized and used as tourist fodder) He sees a car full of teenagers speed by pointing and yelling at him. He runs and before it hits him he thinks it’s strange that it sounds like a concrete mixer. (the somewhat ambiguous way it’s written I don’t know if this was an accident suicide or murder)

@crackspinewornpages

[creepycreepyspacewizard]

-Flips loudly through book- & Kylux

A few years ago Hux would have considered this scenario to be as close to heaven on earth as any mortal man could get- an isolated but well built cottage; a roaring fire; a storm rumbling around the hills outside; a mug of cocoa; his favourite book; a gorgeous man to warm his bed. What more could he possibly want? 

Thirty-year-old-still-a-virgin Armitage Hux would be losing his mind at the prospect of having all of that at his fingertips. 

Unfortunately, thirty-four-year-old-fucked-out-and-in-need-of-a-rest Armitage Hux was losing his mind precisely because one of those elements was right at his fingertips. Habits built over decades of living alone were not coping well with constant proximity to Kylo Ren. 

Which wasn’t to say that he didn’t like Kylo. In fact Hux was beginning to suspect he might even love really like Kylo, but they’d never spent more than a weekend together. Those times had been split between exploring the city and fucking like rabbits. They’d been in this cottage for a week now, and it had rained too heavily for them to go much further than the village at the end of the lane.

Kylo was starting to get on Hux’ nerves. Both figuratively and literally. The man apparently didn’t have a human refractory period. Hux would probably never walk quite the same again. 

“217, 218, 219... 220... hurgh!” The beam spanning the ceiling creaked dramatically as Kylo switched hands and began another set of one-armed pull ups. 

Hux loudly flipped the page of his book. 

“Ah chapter two! It’s only taken me half an hour to get here!” He muttered to himself. 

“221, don’t worry,” Kylo said soothingly. “222, I read slow, 223, too... two? Fuck...” 

“You’re on 224,” Hux sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and closing his book in despair. “I am not a slow reader, you just aren’t letting me read. Can’t you do that somewhere else?”

“227, you picked, 228, the million year old, 229, house built for, 230, hobbits... 231, this is the only place, 232, my knees don’t, 233, touch the ground.”

“Well, could you count, you know, inside your head?” Hux suggested, already well aware that Kylo had just demonstrated a total inability to do that. “Or maybe you could do something that doesn’t involve counting at all?”

Kylo winked at him, “We could go back to bed.”

“No. I will literally die. I said you do something else.” Hux gestured to the small shelf of books the cottage owner had kindly left for them. “Why not read something.”

To give him credit Kylo did at least let go of the beam and wander over the inspect the books.

“What? Gilly Cooper? Mills & Boon? Jane Austen? Not exactly my scene, Hux.”

“You haven’t read Pride And Prejudice?” Hux asked a little incredulously. Okay, maybe his formative teen fantasies had involved a bit too much of Colin Firth’s Mr Darcy dripping wet after ending up in the lake, but the book was a classic... “I thought you liked comedy?”

“I tried the one with the zombies, but it was really boring.” Kylo said, then flopped onto the floor. “Hey, since you’re just sitting around why don’t you put your feet on mine? I’m going to do some sit ups.”

Hux shuddered at the thought of the counting starting up again. “Oh god, how many?”

“I’m not gonna count,” Kylo said to Hux’ delight. “I’m just gonna do it til I get tired or you’re overcome with lust and drag me back to bed. There’s nothing else to do here!”

“You could read! This is a good book if you just give it a chance!”

Kylo stared at him, just mouth open to object again, but then he shrugged instead. “Okay then smart guy- you read it to me.”

“What?”

“You want to read, then read. You said you were only on chapter two so it won’t be a hardship to go back to the beginning now will it?”

Hux couldn’t tell if Kylo was being serious or calling his bluff, but Hux had done radio theatre at university. He could easily read the entire book out loud and he was going to do just that. With voices. He’d prove to Kylo that it was a good book.

“Fine. Ahem.” Hux settled back in his chair, pressed his feet down against Kylo’s as requested and took a sip of his cocoa. Maybe this holiday wasn’t so bad after all. “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife...”

Rainy Day Starters

[thelapismoon]

Song recommendations pls

*cackles* Here’s my ongoing song list that I’ve kept since 2016

Good music1. Fade: No copyright sounds2. Centuries3. Floating block of ice4. The fat rat: unity5. Find the pieces 6. Grand finale: studio killers7. Soren’s theme8. Four Heroes9. Mice on Venus10. Sweden 11. Leap of faith12. Stronger than you13. Fight song14. Say goodbye to the holiday15. Children of the night16. Lullaby for a princess17. Bats18. Credits minecraft story mode 419. Soren jazz20. Soren song21. Doctor who theme22. Bad Apple Music box23. Bow ties are cool24. Don’t blink acoustic 25. Time and relative dimension in space26. Haggard27. Camp fire song song28. Minecraftable 29. The diadem 30. Gravity falls theme31. Hedwigs theme32. Counting stars33. Whatcha say remix34. Riptide 35. I will wait36. Oh Ginny37. Mischief managed38. Gold39. Waiting takes time40. Secrets41. Necessity 42. Enchanted43. I open at the close44. The hanging tree45. Renegades46. Wildest dreams47. Neon Pegasus48. What does the fox say49. Safe and sound50. Game of thrones theme51. Pistols at dawn52. Ex’s and oh’s53. Sorry54. Where are you now 55.  Luna’s future56. On the moon thuynder remix57. When I see you again58. Ladybug PV59. It’s gonna work remix60. Moog city61. Maps62. Coffee: Run to me63. Towards the sun Rihanna 64. Dancing in the dark65. Frozen: Elves66. It’s over isn’t it67. Everything stays68. I’m just your problem 69. Abraham’s daughter 70. Eyes open71. Kingdom come72. Most wonderful of nights: feat Luna 73. Aquarius- Within temptations74. Queen of France75. Ride- twenty one pilots76. I’m a star77. Everything’s alright78. From the ground up79. Buying stars80. KING81. Call me home 82. Jump 83. Good little girls bad little boys84. Look up at the sky85. Haunting(haunted house remix)86. 2.7587. Suki no kuimbu 88. C418 Far89. Love like you90. Rurelle war of hearts91. Ghosting92. Echo93. In the dark of the night94. Queen- Stephen Jerzack95. Here96. Coat of many colors97. The plague98. Against the world99. Valley of the dolls100. Hope of morning101. Daughter of the moon102. Heartbeat103. Unknown soldier 104. Waiting for love105. Shatter me106. Ruelle- Monsters107. Megalavonia sans piano108. Smoke and mirrors109. I’d love to change the world110. Villains warriors WIP111. ET Katy perry112. My demons113. Hide and seek114. This will be the day115. This is Halloween116. Life and death and love and birth117. Here comes a thought118. Heathens119. Mcsm soundtrack- Lapis120. The wolf- the cinema121. Miss Jackson122. Dollhouse Melanie Martinez123. Nightmare124. Tag you’re it125. The world is ours126. Ruelle- storm127. More than brains128. Cops and robbers129. Enchanter -dragon age OST130. Once we were- dragon age OST131. Empress of fire132. Francis forever133. Starset it has begun134. I am Lapis Lazuli135. Calls you home 136. I’m so sorry137. Like a vampire138. Partners in Crime139. Wolf in sheep’s clothing140. Stressed out- twenty pilots141. Flares- Newt tribute142. Hall of fame/ The script143. Stronger than you- Chara144. Keaton Henson- You145. Wait for it Hamilton 146. Stay alive- Hamilton147. Destiny Bond148. Cost of the crown.149. Don’t let me down - chai smokers150. Soldiers151. Starry eyed 152. Dragonhearted 153. Car radio- twenty one pilots154. Death by glamour 155. Short hair- Mulan OST156. Blossoms- Mulan OST157. Spider dance 158. This is the hunt159. The battle of Yorktown- Hamilton160. Your obedient servant- Hamilton 161. You’ll be back- Hamilton 162. Youth- troye Sivan 163. Still here164. Move like a soldier165. Something missing166. Who I am167. Marionette doll168. The coven (dark violin)169. Forever and never dark cello170. Fell invincible171.  Rise172. So what?173. Freak the freak out174. Nostalgic dream175. Guns and ships176. Bad apple- the dreemurs undertale 177. I found-Amber Run178. I can do anything 179. Red like roses180. It’ll be okay-mlp181. Mirror mirror 182. Warriors- imagine dragons 183. Monster- imagine dragons 184. Bleeding out- imagine dragons185. Ready aim fire- imagine dragons 186. Dream- imagine dragons 187. Rather be188. Crybaby 189. Castle-Alexandria 190. Haunting191. Girls like girls192. Battle against a true hero fan vocal193. Lost in thoughts all alone ft.Milky194. Asgore’s theme w/fan lyrics195. Once upon a December 196. Something that I want197. Into the open air198. What’s the use of feeling blue199. The call200. We all still die201. La da de202. Mordred’s lullaby 203. Pangur Ban204. Mademoiselle Noir205. Witch Hunt- JubyPhonic206. The game of life207. Hather 208. Orisis 209. Oh no- Maria and the diamonds 210. Death should not have taken three211. Cheshire Cat we’re all mad here212. Alice’s theme213. Zettai unmei mokishuraku 214. Your future is not mine215. Boys will be boys216. Little game-Benny217. Son of a preacher man218. Mine- Peridot tribute219. Rude220. I’m a dead girl walkin221. Meant to be yours222. Snow White and the huntsman: breath of life223. Monochrome no kiss224. Believer-Imagine Dragons 225. Lifeboat-Heathers226. Copycat 227. Unravel228. A female ninja but I want to love229. Ten faced 230. Black fox231. Secrets of Wisteria232. Self inflicted achromatic 233. Alive234. Boulevard of broken dreams235. Lunacy of duke vernomia236. Running with the wolves237. Wine red238. Muzzle of nemesis239. Judgement of corruption 240. Evil food eater conchita 241. The tailor shop on enbizaka242. Donald trump vs Hillary Clinton rap243. All DHMIS songs244. Samurai jack theme song245. Megalomaniac vers. asriel and chara246. Journey of the two mages 247. Seven crimes and punishments248. Master of the hellish yard249. A hero’s armor is always Crimson 250. Youth251. The burn marks on my epiano won’t go away252. The little witch 253. Nephthys shadow254. On the wings of night255. Echo- purple guy version256. Anubis chant257. Feathers across the seasons258. Gypsy bard259. Pretty little psycho260.  I’m only human261. Revolting children262. Escape of Salmhofer the witch263. The weathered head at onigashima264. Purple265. Can the can266. Deja vu- JubyPhonic 267. Saturn268. Keep the wolves away269. The outsider270. Sorry- seinabo sey271. Pistols at dawn- seinabo sey272. Younger- seinabo sey273. Nostalgia by little note274. Still- seinabo sey275. Another brick in the wall-Pink Floyd276. Paint it black277. No one would miss me278. New Americana279. Clean freak280. Ruby twenty one pilots 281. Rainbows282. Mars- sleeping at last283. Back stabber- Ke$ha284. Woman285. Dead hearts286. Lions- Skip Marley287. Pity party288. Little pistol289. Death of a bachelor290. Don’t mess with me- Temposhark291. When you’re evil- Voltaire292. Entropy- Gretina remix293. The spirit of nostalgia294. Secunda- SkyRim295. Attack on Titan opening theme296. Sippy cup297. First aid kit- Wolf298. Savages-Marina and the diamonds 299. The wolf- Siames300. The hoosiers- killer301. Determination- irresistible cover302. My crush was a monster boy303. Look what you made me do304. American Pie305. Out of sight out of mind306. The killers- somebody told me307. It took me by surprise 308. The night309. Teen idle310. Blue lips311. Rasputin312. It’s all over but the crying313. Take me to church314. This is Gospel 315. The ballad of Mona Lisa316. Fly away317. No control318. Sixteen tons319. Gravel to tempo320. Bee and puppycat space song321. Escapism 322. Seeds of the past323. Open up your eyes 324. Bohemian rhapsody 325. Running- Beyoncé 326. Feelings- Hayley Kiyoko327. Dernière danse- indila 328. I’ll run- Pentatonix 329. American Soul330. French seven crimes and punishments 331. Charming332. In my house333. Project Ma334. Rise- Katy perry 335. Flan- Jake Chudnow336. Try to change- Mother Mother337. Team- lords338. Love story- Indila339. Hadestown- Wedding song340. Hadestown- Why we build a wall341. Arsonists lullaby342. Madness- Ruelle343. The ballad of Sarah Berry344. Cool for the summer- Demi Lovato 345. Leave Luanne346. Coraline theme347. Crave- water parks 348. Rose colored boy

[wallpaperpainter]

Ten Common Misconceptions About Harry Potter Rock Painting | Harry Potter Rock Painting

The bewitched apple of Harry Potter is advancing to Ohio.

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Ohio-Made Getaways is hosting “A Bewitched Getaway: Celebrating Potter Palooza” in Lancaster on Aug. 3 and 4. Fairfield County District Library’s community-wide anniversary of 20 years of Harry Potter is a two-day break with affluence of fun activities for wizards and muggles of all ages.

» TRENDING: Cozy bounded bistro enchants with arcane magic, Harry Potter drinks

Lancaster is beneath than two hours from Dayton. Guests aces up a Marauder’s Map at the visitors centermost at 205 W. Main St. The anniversary includes:

• A wizarding accoutrement challenge at the library on 2 p.m. at 219 N. Broad St.

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• Wizard Rock Band Tonks & the Aurors concert at 3 p.m. at the Downtown Bandstand at 3 p.m. on Friday

• Quidditch Demonstration at Rising Park at 203 E. Fair Ave. at 10 a.m. on Saturday

• Hogwarts Herbology class, area you will actualize and tend to your actual own bewitched mandrake bulb to booty home and watch grow

• Visit Ollivander’s Wand Shop at the First Presbyterian Church (222 N. Broad St.)

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• Art and Clay offers a“Mischief Managed” banquet bowl painting activity with a fun and simple design

• Two Broke Artists advance a Harry Potter Youth Painting Class.

Learn more.

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[winchesters-love]

Get To Know Me!!! A Little Too Well

1. Name: Nicole 2. Nickname(s): Nik, Nikki 3. Birthday: June 21 4. That makes you: 18 5. Where were you born: Nebraska 6. Location right now: Same place 7. Shoe size: 7 8. How many piercings?: None 9. Tattoos?: None, but I'd love a few <3 10. When you wake up you're: Confused and even more tired 11. When your about to sleep you're: Wide awake 12. Zodiac sign: Cancerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr/Gemini 13. Chinese sign: Rabbit 14. Righty or Lefty: Righty 15. Innie or Outie: Innie 16. School: Out of school :P Section Two: Looks 17. Nationality: White 20. Weight: 110 lbs 21. Height: 5'6 22. Braces? No 23. Glasses? Yes Section Three: Private Life 24. Do you have a boy/girlfriend? I do! 25. If so, who? The love of my life, Nate 26. If not, do you have a crush on someone? My boyfriend 27. Who has a crush on you? No one haha 28. Ever cheated on your bf/gf? Nope 29. Who was your first kiss: Nate, he kisses pretty good 30. Who was your last kiss: Nate <3 31. Are you a virgin? Yes 32. Ever had a threesome before? No 33. NQ- Ever been swarmed by ladybugs?: Nope 34. Have you ever been in love? Yes 35. Broken any hearts? Not that I know of 36. Got your heart broken? Quite a few times 37. Ever liked a friend? Yea 38. What happened? We started dating

Section Four: Past Relationships 39. How many relationships have you been in? 1 40. How many were serious enough to count: I'm in it 41. Who were those serious ones: I've only been in 1 42. NQ- Who USED to be your best friend: Well, he's still my best friend so 43. What made them different: Nothing 44. What happened: We started dating 45. Best boy/girlfriend: The one I'm dating 46. Worst boy/girlfriend: N/A 47. Ever been kissed: Yes 48. Who do you want back: No one 49. What do you regret: Focusing too much on guys 50. Why? Because I would've done so much better in school Section Five: Favourites 51. Song: Sound of Silence 52. Movie: Zootopia 53. Food: Anything really 54. Drink: Apple Juice 55. Store: Gamestop and Hot Topic 56. Television show: Stranger Things and Mom 57. Holiday: Christmas 58. Book: Grace Lost Series 59. Ice cream: Mint Chip 60. Sweets: Chocolate 61. Crisps: Doritos Jacked 62. Type of music: Pretty much every genre 63. Artist: Singer is Luke Bryan, Painter is Bob Ross 64. Word: Loquacious, vernacular 65. Time of day: Evening/night 66. Dressing: Ranch 67. Alcoholic drink: Don't drink 68. Colour(s): Blue, Red, Black, and White 69. Piece of clothing: Beanie 70. Character: My fursona 71. Smell: Fresh rainfall 72. Shampoo: Fructis 73. Soap: Fructis 74. Smiley: >3 75. Board game: Too many tbh 76. Sport: Soccer 77. Number: 5 78. Quote: "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." Franklin D. Roosvelt 79. Animal: Wolf 80. Actor: Ryan Reynolds/Chris Pratt 82. Vegetable: Sugar snap peas 83. Fruit: Grapes 84. Place to be: In my room 85. Thing in your room: Pictures 86. Gum: 5-gum 87. Shape: Circle 88. Country: Europe 89. Mall: Any mall 90. Car: 67 Chevy Impala 91. Boy's name: Christopher 92. Girl's name: Chrissy 93. Family member: My brothers and my dad 94. Restaurant: Johnny Carinos 95. Movie place: The theater 96. Person to go to the movies with: Myself 97. Noise: Falling rain 98. Brand of Shoe: Airwalks 99. Brand of clothing: Aeropostle 100. Body part of a chicken: Thigh 101. Swear word: Asshat 102. Month: December 103. Possession: My ring 104. Team: Don't have a favorite 105. Season: Winter 106. Radio station: Pop station 107. Magazine: Don't read them 108. Favourite grade: Senior year 109. Least favourite grade: 5th grade 110. Teacher: Kindergarten 111. Least favourite teacher: Math teacher in 5th grade, he was a douche 112. Subject: Art/Choir 113. Subject to talk about: Anything and everything Section Six: Family 114. Who's your mum?: Not here 115. Who's your dad?: My role model 116. Any step-parents?: Yea, had a few 117. Any brothers?: 2 118. Any Sisters?: Nope 120. Coolest: Older brother 121. Loudest: Me 122. Best relative: My cousin 123. Worse relative: No one 124. Do you get along with your parents? My dad, yea 125. With your siblings? Mostly, we game with each other 126. Does anyone understand you? Yea 127. Do you have any pets? Nah 128. If so, what kind and name? 129. If not, what do you want as a pet? I want another dog, we had to get rid of ours Section Seven: School 131. Are you still in school? Nope 132. Did you drop out?: 2.75, I didn't pay attention freshman and sophomore year 133. Your current GPA: No thanks 134. Do you buy or bring lunch?: School bill paid for it 135. ABC's?: Know them 136. Favorite class: Choir and art 137. Play any sports at school?: Played soccer 138. Are you popular? With the outcasts 139. Favourite memory: Being the only girl good at soccer 140. Most humiliating moment: Falling in front of my close guy friends 141. Most funniest moment: Hitting someone in the face with a soccer ball 142. Most scared moment: Graduating Section Eight: What do you think of when you hear 145. Chicken: Bawk bawk 146. Dog: Soft puppy 147. Christina Aguilera: Music 148. Ricky Martin: Who? 149. 50 cent: Rapper 150. Poop: Emoji 151. Beach: Sand 152. Dessert: Cactus 153. Water: Blue 154. Osama: Bin Laden 155. Love: Life 156. Your little brother: Xbox One 157. Butt: Nice 158. Clowns: Pennywise 159. Wonder: Over Yander 16o. Brown: Pants 161. Banana: Yum 162. Sex: Rope 163. Parents: One 164. Homosexuals: Jensen and Jared 165. God: Father Section Nine: Do you believe in 166. God: Yes 167. Heaven: Yes 168. Devil: Yes 169. Hell: In a sense 170: Boogey man: No 171. Closet Monsters: Nah 172. Fortune telling: Nope 173. Magic: Nuh uh 174. Love at first sight: Depends 175. Ghosts: Nope 176. Voo-doo dolls: Nah 177. Reincarnation: Nope 178. Yourself: Ehh, not really Section Ten: Do you 179. Smoke: And kill my lungs? No thanks 180. Do drugs: Pfft, why would I? 181. Drink alcohol: Again, I'm not trying to die at a young age 182. Cuss: Yea 183. Sing in the shower: Sometimes... 184. Like school: Yea, it was the best place to be! 185. Want to get married: Mhmm, and I'm glad I found someone 186. Type with all of your fingers: Not really 187. Think you're attractive: Most days 188. Drink and drive: Fuck this 189. Snore: Sometimes 190. Sleep walk: Nope 191. Like watching sunrises and sunsets: Best place to be honestly Section Eleven: Have you ever 192. Flashed someone: On accident 193. Gotten so drunk til you threw up everywhere: I don't drink 194. Told that person how you felt: Yep 195. Been arrested: Nope 196. Gone to jail or juve: No 197. Skateboarded: Yes 198. Skinny dipped: In a bath 199. Rock climbed: Do it every summer 200. Killed someone: Nope 201. Watched porn: Nah 202. Gone on a road trip: Kinda 203. Went out of the country: Nah 204. Talked back to an adult: Yes 205. Broken a law: Nope 206. Got pulled over: Don't drive 208: Cried to get out of trouble: I don't usually do anything bad 209. Let a friend cry on your shoulder: I'm supposed to, I'm there to listen 210. Kissed a brother's or sister's friend: No 211. Kissed a friend's brother or sister: No 212. Dropped something on the floor and let someone eat it anyways: Nah, I usually eat it 213. Mooned someone: Yes, once 214. Shop-lifted: No 215. Worked at McDonald's: No thank you 216. Eaten a dog: A hot dog! 217. Give money to a homeless person: Yea, I've fed them too 218. Glued your hand to yourself: Yes 219. Kissed someone of the same sex: Playing Pocky 220. Had a one night stand: I have two right beside my bed 221. Smoked: Nope 222. Done drugs: No 223. Lose a friend because of your ex: I don't have any exes 224. Slap someone for being stupid: Yes 225. Had cyber sex: Sexted?? Kinda 226. Wish you were the opposite sex: A lot more often than I should sometimes. But for completely different reasons 227. Caught someone doing something: Yea 228. Played a game that removes clothing: Strip truth or dare ;) 229. Cried during a movie: All the damn time 230. Cried over someone: It's hard not to when you can't have an actor love you 231. Wanted to hook up with a friend: Yea, and I did 232. Hooked up with someone you barely met: Nah 233. Ran away from home: Nope 234. Cheated on a test: Once Section Twelve: Would you 235. Bungee jump: Nope 236. Sky dive: Hate heights 237. Swim with dolphins: Yes 238. Steal a friend's bf or gf: That goes against girl code 239. Try to be the opposite sex: No 240. Lie to the police: Hi officer my real name is Nicholas... Cage 241. Run from the police: No 242. Lie to your parents: Done it before 243. Backstab a friend for your own well being: That's just plain rude 244. Be an exotic dancer: Only for my boyfriend <3 245. NQ- Kill the president: Nah Section Thirteen: Are you 246. Shy: Yes, especially around new people 247. Loud: Extremely 248. Nice: I try to be 249: Outgoing: I fake being outgoing haha 250: Quiet: Yea 251. Mean: Depends, I'm mean to those I like 252. Emotional: Sad to say, but yea 253. Sensitive: Mhmm 254. Gay: I'm very happy 255. Strong: I wish, need to start working out 256. Weak: Yea 257. Caring: Yes, especially towards animals 258. Dangerous: Well, does this include caving? 259. Crazy: Uh huh 260. Spontaneous: I am the most random and spontaneous thing out there 261. Funny: I try to be, I fail at it 262. Sweet: To eat ;) 263. Sharing: With most things, but not my food 264. Responsible: Most of the time 265. Trustworthy: Definitely, if you want a secret kept come talk to me 266. Open-minded: Depends on what you mean 267. Creative: For the most part 268. Cute: Um, not even close, no matter how many of y'all say I am 269. Slick: They don't call me Nik the Slick for nothing 270. Smart: Yea 271. Dumb: I act like it 272. Evil: No 273. Ghetto: If only 274. Classy: As in sassy 275. Photogenic: Nope 276. Dependable: Only on a few select things 277. Greedy: Only with food 278. Ugly: Yes, 100 times over 279. Messy: With my life 280. Neat: With everything else 281. Perverted: You can say cookie and it'll go bad 282. Silly: Yea 283. A B****: I can be if you want me to be 284. A Good Listener: Mhmm 285. A Fighter: If you make me mad enough 286. A Party Animal: I'd rather read, thanks 287. A Game Freak: YES 288. A Computer Freak: I literally want to work on computers Section Fourteen: Future 289. Dream job: Animation 290. Dream house: Somewhere out in the country 291. Husband/Wife: My sweet redheaded boyfriend 292. Kids: 2 293. Names: Something with Ns 294. Pets: Literally so many 295. Car: Anything that gets me places 296. Age you would want to get married: I wouldn't mind getting married in the next few years 297. Best Man/Bride's Maid: My best friend Elena 298. Honeymoon: Anyplace that has a bedroom Section Fifteen: Your friends 299. Best friend: Elena, Nate, Jasmine, Kelsey 300. Known the longest: Nate 301. Craziest: Elena 302. Loudest: Elena and I 303. Shyest: Jasmine and Kelsey 304. Best hair: Kelsey 305. Best eyes: Kelsey 306. Best body: Nate 307. Most Athletic: Me 308. Hot-Tempered: Elena 309. Most impatient: Me 310. Shortest: Nate 311. Tallest: Kelsey 312. Skinniest: Me 313. Best singer: Me 314. Funniest: Literally all of us 315. Can always make you laugh: All of them 316. Wish you talked to more: Elena 317. Wish you saw more: All of them 318. Who drives you insane after a while: Elena, but in a good way 319. Who you can stay around forever and never get sick of: All of them 320. Ever lose a friend because you took it to the 'next level': Nah, I'm dating Nate 321. Whose always been there when you need them: All of them 322. Who is like your family: All of them 323. How many friends do you have?: Quite a few, and I love each and every one of them 324. How many are really close? About 10? Section Sixteen: The last 325. Thing you ate: Poptarts 326. Thing you drank: Apple juice 327. Thing you wore: My hoodie 328. Thing you did: This meme 329. Place you went: The store 330. Thing you got pierced or tattooed: Nothing 331. Person you saw: My dad 332. Person you hugged: My dad 333. Person you kissed: Nate 334. NQ- Person you beat to a juicy pulp: I wish I had done that to a couple jerks 335. Person you talked to online: Nate 336. Person you talked to on the phone: Nate 337. Song you heard: Vulnerable by Secondhand Serenade 338. Show you saw: Mom 339. Time you fought with your parents: Um... about a month or two? 340. Time you fought with a friend: Haven't for a while 341. Words you said: Fuck you is what I said Section Seventeen: Now 343. What are you eating: Poptart 344. What are you drinking: Apple juice 345. What are you thinking: About my boyfriend 346. What are you wearing: My hoodie 347. What are you doing: Writing this up 349. Hair: Down 350. Mood: Tired 351. Listening to: Spotify 352. Talking to anyone: Yea 353. Watching anything: Nah Section Eighteen: Yes or No 354. Are you a vegetarian: Mostly 355. Are you a carnivore: Nah 356. Are you heterosexual: Yes 357. Do you like penguins: Yes 358. Do you write poetry: Yes 359. Do you see stupid people: Yes 360. You + Me: No 361. Do you like the Osbournes: Yes 362. Can you see flying pigs: No 363. Do you sleep with stuffed animals on your bed: Yes 364. Are you from Afghanistan: No 365. Is Christina Aguilera ugly: No 366. Are you a zombie: No 367. Am i annoying you: Yes 368. Do you bite your nails: Yes 369. Can you cross your eyes: Yes 370. Do you make your bed in the morning: No 371. Have you touched someone's private part: Yes Section Nineteen: This or That 372. Winter or Summer: Winte 373. Spring or Autumn: Autumn 374. Shakira or Britney: Britney 375. MTV or VH1: MTV 376. Black or White: White 377. Yellow or Pink: Pink 378. Football or Basketball: Football 379. Mobile Phone or Pager: Mobile 380. Pen or Pencil: Pencil 381. Cold or Hot: Hot 382. Tattoos or Piercings: Tattoos 383. Inside or Outside: Inside 384. Weed or Alcohol: No 385. Coke or Pepsi: Pepsi 386. Tape or Glue: Tape 387. McDonald's or In-n-Out: In-Out Section Twenty: Opinions 388. What do you think about classical music: I like it 389. About boy bands: Nah 390: About suicide: Talk to someone if you're thinking about suicide. It is a very real thing and should not be joked about. I don't want to find out that any of you are no longer here because of suicide. I've lost 2 very close friends that way. 391. About people who try to force their opinions on you: They can kindly fuck off 392. About teen pregnancy: Only if they know they'll be able to take care of the baby 393. Where do you think you'll be in 10 years: With my husband in some country town 394. Who do you think you'll still be friends with in 5 years: Nate, Elena, Kelsey, Jasmine, hopefully all my friends 395. About gay men: They're human too Section Twenty-One: 396. Do you have a website: I'm working on building one 397. Current weather right now: Cold as balls 398. Current time: 7:00 399. Last thoughts: Byyyye

[lusilly]

i wrote 6k of this and i’m so exhausted i don’t want to finish and also it somehow doesn’t read well anymore so here have a Hands incident with damian cuz i’ve been thinking abt it so much with the rp buddies

           Bruce was lunching with Lucius Fox when his phone rang. He apologized, saw that it was Alfred calling on the non-emergency line, and then silenced the phone and put it away; Alfred would’ve scolded him for picking up during lunch with a friend and business partner in any case.

           Once Bruce bid Lucius farewell, fielding the not-so-subtle concerns about a certain Jason Todd’s involvement with Lucius’s daughter Tam as graciously as he could, Bruce opened his phone and saw a voicemail notification waiting for him. On his way back to his office, he listened to Alfred explain quite calmly that neither he nor Damian would be home for another hour or so, and so, assuming Bruce went home after lunch, if he could please keep himself from panicking because everything is perfectly under control, that would be best.

           Halfway up the elevator Bruce swiped his keycard to reroute it to the garage beneath the building, dialing Alfred back as he did so.

           “Master Bruce,” said Alfred, in lieu of a greeting. “I take it you received my message.”

           “Where are you and Damian?”

           “Oh, somewhere or other. A walk at the park, perhaps, or volunteering at the local community shelter.”

           “You wouldn’t have called to let me know if that hadn’t been the case.

           Damian’s voice as he addressed Alfred came through the receiver clearly. “Tell him I’m fine!” he called, sounding annoyed.

           This, naturally, tipped Alfred’s hand and told Bruce that Damian was or had been in some sort of danger. “What’s going on?” asked Bruce as he got into a sleek black car. His voice was hard.

           Alfred sighed. “I only called,” he began, “because I suspected you would notice the absence of some medical supplies at home, and I wanted to assure you that it was nothing to worry about.”

           “Medical supplies?” asked Bruce, his tone urgent. He exited the parking garage, waving to the attendant on his way out. “What happened?”

           “A mere accident, nothing to worry about. Remember that day when you were fourteen and you almost sliced your thumb off trying to chop onions?”

           This had indeed happened, but a fourteen-year-old Bruce had not had the precision and control in which a sixteen-year-old Damian had been trained since birth. Besides, Damian was more gifted in the kitchen than Bruce, routinely preparing meals with the vegetables he grew in his garden. Dubiously, Bruce asked: “He was cooking?”

           “Well – yes, thank you, Doctor – one moment, Bruce.” It sounded like Alfred took the phone from his ear and pressed it against his shoulder, but Bruce still could make out his muffled voice as he admonished Damian. “Would you be a little less stoic when the doctor comes in again? Any other boy your age would be in whining in pain right now, your own pride be damned.”

           As Alfred lifted the phone back to his ear, Bruce heard Damian protest, “It doesn’t hurt,” but Alfred seemed to ignore him.

           Before Alfred could speak, Bruce asked, “Are you at a hospital?”

           “Oh,” sighed Alfred. “Well, I suppose we are. I would’ve taken care of it at home, but I thought it would be useful for a specialist to take a look at it.”

           “A look at what?”

           “A teensy laceration across the palm of his right hand.”

           “And yet you thought a specialist was necessary.”

           “If there had been any nerve damage, I certainly didn’t want to make it worse. I am not a trained doctor, Master Bruce.”

           “More or less.”

           “While undoubtedly flattering,” Alfred replied, “that is untrue. I can’t solve every problem in this house, you know.”

           It seemed to Bruce that Alfred meant more than just tending to injuries, but he didn’t press it. Knowing that Damian was there listening to whatever Alfred said on the phone certainly explained some of the butler's cryptic words to Bruce, who took this as an invitation to come act the part of father with his son, without letting Damian in on such an intent. “Which hospital? Gotham Mercy?”

           “The good doctor has tended to Damian’s injuries, and we should be home within the hour. There is no need to meet us here.”

           “Brentwood General, then.”

           “Master Bruce-”

           “Spare me, Alfred. I’ll be there shortly.”

           It took him another twenty minutes, fighting traffic across Kane Bridge, and then another ten to park and talk to the kindly older woman at the front desk who recovered immediately and professionally from the look of shock on her face when he gave her his name. Damian was in room 219, which incidentally corresponded to Bruce’s date of birth. Though Bruce did not believe in signs or fate or the vague will of the universe, he found himself somehow mysteriously a little bit reassured by this.

           There was a long rectangular window in the door to room 219, though a curtain had been pulled across the bed for some privacy. This was standard practice for Bruce’s sons, to hide their presence lest they attract attention. In the moment, though, it annoyed him: he wanted to see his boy as soon as possible.

           When he entered the unlocked room, Alfred peeked around the curtain. The expression melted off his face when he saw Bruce, a firm blankness rising in its stead. “Ah, Master Bruce,” he said, a moment before Bruce joined passed around the curtain – it was a transparent means of warning Damian a split second ahead of time. Damian sat on the very edge of a hospital bed, holding his obviously bandaged right hand protectively in his left. As Bruce stepped beyond the curtain, Damian glared up at him defiantly, as if daring him to show concern.

           Bruce stooped to his son’s level. He moved forward, reached out to take the injured hand. “How is it?”

           “Fine,” said Damian stubbornly. But since the bandage covered the wound itself, he allowed his father this small touch.

           “Superficial damage the recurrent branch of the median nerve,” Alfred announced, stepping in for Damian to answer Bruce’s question. “This is good fortune, really. Some simple physiotherapy exercises and we shall be all healed up in a few weeks. He sees far worse on a usual night out on the job.”

           With his thumb, Bruce traced across Damian’s bandaged palm. Underneath his touch, he imagined he could feel the damaged nerve tensing, flinching away from his tenderness. His gaze flicked up to his son, who stubbornly refused to make eye contact. “But you weren’t on the job, were you?”

           “No,” replied Damian. He sounded angry, and since Bruce could not immediately tell why he just assumed it was because Damian hated being treated with care, like the child he was. “It was an accident. That’s all.”

           “Accident how?”

           “Just an accident, why do you care about the details?”

           “Damian, please. Of course I care.”

           The door opened once more and they all fell silent; Bruce let go of Damian’s hand. “Alright,” came a voice Bruce didn’t recognize, and then a doctor wearing thick glasses appeared beyond the curtains, smiling pleasantly at Damian. Her eyebrows raised when she saw Bruce, a flash of coming face-to-face with celebrity in her eyes; then, professionally, she tamped that down. Addressing Damian, she gestured towards Bruce and said, “Oh, is this your father?” Sourly, Damian nodded, but she had already offered her hand to Bruce. “Nice to meet you, Mister Wayne,” she said.

           “You as well, Doctor,” he read the name on her coat, “Ghorbani.”

            The name sounded familiar, but Bruce couldn’t recall from where exactly, and he was certain he did not recognize the doctor. Once she had shaken Bruce’s hand, she went to Damian’s side and held out a hand grip, the kind used in physical therapy. “Okie-doke,” she said, “I want you to spend ten minutes on this every day until the stitches dissolve, then twenty minutes every day after that until you come in for another check-up.” She squeezed the thing, demonstrating how to use it. “Think you can do that?”

           “Yes,” answered Damian glumly, taking the thing when she offered it to him.

           Dr. Ghorbani took his hand and gestured towards his grip. “Just remember not to put too much pressure right here on the center of your palm. You might have to use it at a weird angle to avoid that, but it’ll be good for you. Leave your grip good as new. Sound good?”

           “Yes,” said Damian again. “Do I need to rest it, or can I continue with my regular activities?”

           “Be a little gentle with it,” said Dr. Ghorbani. “Are you right-handed?”

           “Left-handed.” Damian was perfectly ambidextrous, but it was easier to lie.

           “Perfect. Then it shouldn’t be a problem. Just be careful, OK?”

           “Done. Thank you.”

           “No problem. See you in a couple weeks, OK Damian?”

           “Yes.”

           She turned around and smiled at Alfred and Bruce. “Ibuprofen for the pain, but he was a trooper today so I think he’ll be alright. Mister Pennyworth,” she said, shaking Alfred’s hand, then taking Bruce’s once more. “Mister Wayne.”

           Then she swept away, on to another patient. Damian slipped off of the bed, heading towards the door. “Alfred,” said Bruce, as they followed Damian out. “Have we used that doctor before?”

           “No, I don’t believe so.”

           “Hn. She seemed familiar.”

           Damian piped up from before them as they traversed the hospital halls. “I know her sister,” he threw over his shoulder. “Niloufar. She goes to Colin’s school.”

           That was probably it. Bruce had thoroughly vetted all of Damian’s friends.

           Once they exited the hospital, Bruce moved forward slightly, from Alfred’s side to beside his son. He placed a hand on Damian’s shoulder. “You’ll come with me.”

           Damian tore his shoulder out of his father’s grip. “I’ll come where I damn well want.”

           There in the parking lot, Bruce and Damian both stopped, both a little bit shocked Damian had actually said that aloud. Quickly Alfred moved forward, seeking to soothe the situation before it got worse. “A good idea, I think,” he said reassuringly. “Damian, I do so hate your preferred radio station. Surely your father, a younger man than I, could tolerate it with more ease.”

           It was not real, a stupid fake reason for Damian to ride in the car with Bruce rather than Alfred. But Damian glanced in between his father and Alfred, sizing up a potential fight, then shrugged. “Can I drive?”

           “Do you have your permit?”

           “Father, I don’t need a permit-”

           “It’s a company car, Damian. The answer is no.”

           Damian grumbled, “You own the company,” but didn’t argue. Bruce told Alfred they would see him at home, and then he led Damian to the sleek black Bentley which he’d taken from the garage at the Tower. They both got into the car without saying a word. Bruce drove out of the parking lot in silence, and then Damian reached out to fiddle with the radio, landing on a station currently playing Kanye. Bruce surprised himself by being able to recognize the song: it was on one of Damian’s playlists, which he often blasted while he worked out. From his spot before the computer, Bruce could usually hear his son’s music from the distant bowels of the Cave.

           “What happened?” asked Bruce, slowing down to a few miles below the speed limit on the mostly empty road leading through the luxurious upper-class Brentwood neighborhood.

           “Nothing,” answered Damian shortly.

           Bruce took that, and thought it over for a minute. “Obviously something happened,” he continued, gesturing towards Damian’s injured hand. “I promise I won’t be angry.”

           As if offended, Damian shot back, “I didn’t think you’d be angry.”

           “Then why don’t you want to tell me?”

           “Because it’s not your business.”

           “You’re my son. Your wellbeing is absolutely my business.”

           “Well, then, it’s a good thing I’m fine. My hand will be back to normal in a matter of weeks.”

           This was frustrating, but serious conversations with Damian were wont to be so. Bruce tried another route: distraction. “You’re welcome to whatever you need for scar treatment. I know you don’t like injured hands.”

           Bruce could practically feel his son tense up in the passenger’s seat beside him. He looked out the window. Spring had come early this year, and it was beautiful outside. “It’s fine,” he murmured, evidence that Damian knew what Bruce was really talking about.

           The last time Damian seriously damaged his hands had been before his official diagnosis of obsessive-compulsive disorder: while it was not uncommon for Bruce or the other boys to come home with bruises along their knuckles after the night’s work, it had somehow started to get to Damian on a level he had not been able to articulate. He had scratched through the skin up two fingers on his left hand, smearing blood across his face when he rubbed at his eye – both telltale signs of an episode about to hit Damian in full force. It had been a year since then and Damian had not had an incident in some time. But Bruce didn’t think it was entirely illogical to fear that damaged hands of this variety might trigger something in Damian’s brain, something that he could not control.

           “I worry,” said Bruce.

           “You shouldn’t,” said Damian. “It’s fine.”

           “Consider staying in tonight? I understand you have a microbiology project to finish for Alfred.”

           “Tt.” Damian was silent for a minute or two. “I’ll think about it.”

           In the end, Damian did not stay in. He left the Cave on his motorcycle minutes after Bruce did, though his status report delivered before he fell into bed just before the early gray light of dawn began to hit seemed to suggest that he had taken it slow.

           On the second night he busted the stitches in his hand. Bruce came back to the Cave early to find Damian without his cape, mask, boots, or gloves, sitting on the examination table trying not to curse as Alfred carefully restitched the wound. “That should teach you a lesson,” said Alfred wisely, his bespectacled eyes focused on the task at hand. “Be kind to your healing body, or else it will not be kind to you. It’ll scar now, you know.”

           Scathingly, Damian told him, “I didn’t do it on purpose.”

           “You know,” said Alfred, glancing up to meet the boy’s eye, “sometimes I question that, Damian.”

           As soon as the stitches were complete, Damian tugged his hand away and headed upstairs, scowling. Bruce was left alone with Alfred. He removed the cowl and the cape, setting them aside, then hovered anxiously for a moment. Patiently, Alfred waited for whatever question it was that Bruce was trying to ask.

           His voice slightly hushed, Bruce asked, “You think he’s alright?”

           “I do,” answered Alfred without hesitation. “He’s resentful, that’s all. Otherwise I do believe he’s managing quite well.”

           “Will you tell me what happened?”

           “No,” said Alfred, cleaning up the medical station. “He has asked me, quite civilly, to respect his privacy. I shall do so.”

           “He’s injured, I’m his father. I deserve to know.”

           With a shrug, Alfred replied, “Children injure themselves and keep it from their parents with wild and reckless abandon, Bruce. You of all people should know this.”

           It was a jab at Bruce’s own tendency, especially as a sulky teenager and younger man, to keep his own wounds secret from Alfred. Still, it had been a long time since then, and in the meantime Bruce had come to understand that all would have been much simpler had he just gone to Alfred in the first place.

           “Besides,” added Alfred, disinfecting the equipment and washing his hands, “you’re doing it again.”

           Distracted, Bruce looked up at Alfred. “Doing what?”

           Meeting Bruce’s eye with an expression that said quite clearly, You know what, Alfred answered. “Leveraging paternal concern as if it amounts to the same thing as orders on the field. Conflating Father and Batman. And know, Master Bruce, that if I have noticed, then he most certainly has.”

           This was a particular anxiety which Bruce had shared with Alfred after the emotionally exhausting three-day trip to a deserted island with Damian, wherein Damian had patently refused to give Bruce any meaningful insight to his relationship with the Titans (with, particularly, a certain Iris West), and also they’d come across a young assassin with whom Damian had naturally identified. Though Damian had not shared anything of this nature with Alfred, Bruce’s blind spot had always been found in the intersection of his own personal identity and that of the Batman, so he had asked Alfred to keep him in check, let him know when he went too far.

           Still. Knowing did not mean he could easily change it.

           Lowly – almost weakly – Bruce said, “It’s the only way I know how to be.”

           “Then you and Damian must learn another way together,” Alfred said simply, drying his hands. “Or else we will be stuck in this impasse of noncommunication forever.”

           “Don’t you think he should-”

           “No, no, Bruce,” said Alfred, shaking his head. “I do not enable. Speak to him, not about him.”’

           “I’ve been trying.”

           “Then try differently,” Alfred told him. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I am an old man and I need my rest. I suggest you sleep as well. If you require food, there are sandwiches in the kitchen.” He headed towards the elevator, as the many stairs up to the Manor were hard on his arthritic knees.

           Given that they’d ended the night early, Bruce awoke before noon the next day. Damian still slept, and when Bruce went to check on him he was indeed fast asleep, earbuds neatly tucked into his ears. This gave Bruce some relief. There had been a month or so when Damian first started his medication when he had been too wired to sleep at all, which had resulted in another total meltdown. Rest meant healing. Bruce was grateful.

           Dick called, and Bruce talked to him for a while. He wanted to ask Dick to ask Damian what happened to his hand, but he also thought telling him about it might be a violation of Damian’s trust, so he refrained. He ended the call a few minutes before Damian entered the kitchen, barefoot, in his pajamas.

           He too had a phone at his ear. “You didn’t have to call me,” he was telling whomever it was that was on the other line. “I told you I can’t be there every weekend.”            Without acknowledging his father’s presence, Damian took a glass out of the cabinet and filled it with water from the fridge. “Yes,” he said, into the phone. “No, Lian is. Well, if she’s not there, then Milagro. Just ask her. It would be a good leadership experience for you Chris, you should do it.” He paused, then said, “No, don’t put her on the phone. It’s fine. You’ll be good at it.” He took a sip of water, still standing at the counter by the fridge. “Can’t you ask your father for this? He leads the entire Justice League, I only co-lead the eight of us every other weekend or – no, no, go ahead. You just have to do it, Chris, no time for hesitance. Confidence is key. Good luck.”

           He took his phone away from his ear and took out two slices of bread, sticking them in the toaster.

           “You should have some eggs,” said Bruce, from his spot at the kitchen table. “Protein.”

           Damian flashed a container of homemade baked beans at his father, which were in fact more protein-dense than eggs. “What happened to the gluten-free bread?” he asked, fiddling with the stud earring in his left ear: he had recently pierced his ear while away one weekend with the Titans, intending to thread a wire through the hole to anchor his communicator, keep it from falling off. Quickly he had realized this design wouldn’t work, but instead of taking the earring out and allowing the hole to heal and close on its own, he had kept it in as an aesthetic decoration.

           “Alfred froze it,” Bruce replied. “It goes bad quickly. You can thaw it as long as you make sure to eat it all within the week.”

           “It’s fine,” said Damian, turning back to the toaster. “I don’t like the taste anyway.”

           Damian had been the one to ask Alfred to buy gluten-free bread in the first place, but Bruce didn’t point this out. “Was that Christopher?”

           “They have a mission,” answered Damian, because it clearly had been, “and neither Lian nor I are there to lead, so they’re making do on their own.”

           “He’d be a good leader.”

           “No,” said Damian, as his toast popped up. “He can be slow to prioritize the right threats sometimes. I suspect it has to do with his autism mostly, but he lacks confidence in his abilities, which makes it worse.”

           Bruce’s eyebrows almost went up at how glibly Damian referred to his friend’s condition, but he hid his surprise immediately. Clark had mentioned it once or twice to Bruce, but always in the context that he suspected it had something to do with Chris’s alien nature, or the rapid ageing, or the effects of the Phantom Zone. It was a sore spot, a little bit; Bruce knew that when he was child some of the various doctors Alfred had made him go see had discussed the possibility that Bruce too had been somewhere along the spectrum, but it had never progressed past a childhood almost-diagnosis. He didn’t know why Clark or Damian speaking about it so easily made him feel the slightest bit self-conscious, but it did.

           Though Bruce had certainly listened to Clark when he spoke about his son’s condition, Bruce had rarely reciprocated with talk about Damian. He had mentioned it, particularly when explaining his resignation from the League, but if he talked about Damian to any of his colleagues, it was mostly Diana. There had always been something about her which made it very hard to lie to her, and which compelled Bruce often to say more than he should.

           “He’s welcome to visit Themyscira,” she had told Bruce once, “should he ever need a break from the pressure of the man’s world.”

           Slightly troubled by this wording, Bruce wondered if he had implied to her more than he’d meant to.

           “They need to learn to function independently, anyway,” Bruce finally replied to his son. “Though what stopped you from joining them this weekend?”

           Without turning around from fixing his breakfast, Damian held up his bandaged hand. “Wouldn’t be performing at my best, and I can’t expect them to pick up my slack.”

           Bruce wanted to point out that his absence meant they would be picking up even more slack than if he had shown up and merely been injured, but, not wanting to upset his son, he said nothing. Damian brought his plate, on which two toasted slices of bread were heaped with baked beans, to the kitchen table to down across from Bruce, opening something on his phone to read.

           “Where’s Alfred?” he asked.

           “Resting. I think he’s reading that book you recommended.”

           Damian made a face. “I didn’t recommend it, I only said I liked it. He’ll think it’s crass.”

           Bruce didn’t answer this. “Dick called. He’s well. He said you should come visit him in Chicago sometime.”

           Damian glanced up at his father, his mouth twisted into a reluctant grimace. “You didn’t tell him about my hand, did you?”

           “No,” answered Bruce. “I did not.”

          ��There was a long silence. Damian went back to his phone.

           “Damian,” said Bruce. “Can we talk about this?”

           Looking up from his phone, Damian watched his father warily. “What is there left to say?”

           With a nod towards Damian’s hand, Bruce asked, “How did you hurt yourself?”

           There was no hesitation in Damian’s voice. “It’s not your business.”

           “Why wouldn’t it be?”

           “Because you aren’t the one whose hand was gashed open.”

           “You don’t think it’s my business to know what has caused injury to my son.”

           “I think you should quit interrogating me about it.”

           Bruce was silent for a moment, watching his son. Damian went back to his phone.

           “Did you do it to yourself?” Bruce asked.

           “No,” answered Damian, with a disdainful look at his father. “I told you, it was an accident.”

           “Why were you handling dangerous tools out of uniform?”

           “It’s not as if I was juggling my steel, Father. It was a normal civilian accident.”

           “How?”

           Damian let out a frustrated sigh and got to his feet, taking his plate with him. “I’m going to the dining room,” he said curtly, “so that I may eat my breakfast in peace.”

           “You can’t keep these things from me,” Bruce said, raising his voice as Damian began to head out of the kitchen. “If your performance is going to be affected in the field-”

           “It won’t,” Damian called, without turning around.

           “You said only a moment ago that you aren’t with the Titans because-”

           At this, Damian turned around, still holding his plate in his hands. With intent to injure, he said, “You took Dick on as Robin when he was a harmless twelve-year-old. You, unlike my team of untrained teenagers, won’t have any trouble picking up my slack.”

           Bruce began, “If you were injured on patrol-”

           “But it wasn’t on patrol.”

           “This only works,” Bruce said, gesturing between the two of them, “because of constant communication.”

           Damian let out a bark of laughter. “Now you’re just making fun.”

           “Damian, please,” said Bruce, without getting up. “I have to know what’s going on or else I’m not comfortable with you out on patrol with me.”

           “It’s a good thing I have my own route, then, so I won’t be there to trouble you.”

           “Just tell me,” said Bruce, his voice hard.

           “No,” snapped Damian. “I have a right to privacy.”

           “This is not privacy. This is secrecy.”

           Derisively, Damian retorted, “Because you’ve never kept any secrets from me.”

           “What I do,” Bruce told his son, slowly, clearly, “I do for your sake. And if you cannot trust me, then I cannot trust you.”

           In the silence that ensued, Damian just shrugged. “Fine,” he said.

           “Fine,” echoed Bruce. “Then you’ll stay in tonight.”

           Damian’s expression did not soften. “If I take an entire week off, will that be satisfactory punishment?”

           Bruce didn’t say anything, though he wanted to. When he finally managed to collect his thoughts, Damian had already let out a contemptuous, “Tt,” and left through the kitchen door, disappearing into the dining room.

           Later that day, at Alfred’s insistence, Bruce met Damian out back where he worked in the vegetable garden and ruefully told him Bruce would not prevent him from going on patrol that night. Damian refused to hear it, shrugging his father off and insisting he might as well stay in the Cave anyway and direct operations. He lacked experience out of the field, anyway.

           To Bruce’s surprise and a little bit of consternation, Damian performed excellently handling operations from the Cave. Barbara even agreed to allow him to take over some of Oracle’s duties, and the next morning she sent Bruce an evaluation report in which she spoke very highly of Damian’s abilities, noting in particular that his attitude had improved significantly in the past few years. When Bruce called her to get her personal thoughts – Bruce had become accustomed to hearing her voice, and in the absence of the rest of the family she had become a great friend to him – she said, “You should be proud, Bruce.”

           He was. He tried to let the hand thing go, to stop thinking about it, but he had difficulty doing so. Damian remained in the Cave at night for a week, and continued to perform well. When Alfred took his stitches out he resumed he regular duties, and was gone the next weekend with the Titans. At meals Bruce caught Damian tracing the scar tissue on his hand repeatedly but almost unconsciously, and every night before he put on his gloves he rubbed scar treatment cream on his palm while Bruce gave him a summary of directives and the status of active missions. It bothered Bruce, though he tried to ignore it.

           Nearly a month gone from Damian’s accident and his hand was back to normal apart from the fading scar. Still, it troubled Bruce, stuck like a burr in the back of his mind the same way, Bruce imagined, that it did for Damian.

           His college acceptances arrived by mail. Princeton, Yale, Columbia, Brown, Stanford. UCLA, too, which surprised Bruce: he hadn’t even known Damian applied to UCLA. Damian accepted Princeton’s offer, planning to enter university in the fall as a finance major. “Maybe I’ll pick up a visual arts minor or something,” he said, on the phone with Dick while leafing through the admissions materials. “Yeah.” Dick said something, and Damian gave a little laugh. “Maybe.”

           That night, Alfred and Damian made stuffed Portobello mushrooms for dinner with some of the fresh vegetables from Damian’s garden. “We need to stop by the food kitchen soon,” said Damian, eating his meal with gusto at the dinner table. “I’m harvesting the kale and the beetroot and the cucumbers this week and there’s far too much of it.”

           “We shall go tomorrow,” promised Alfred. “Damian, these mushrooms are exquisite.”

           “They didn’t even take the first time,” Damian said, nodding down at his food, inspecting the texture of the mushroom. “It’s too cold outside at nighttime, had to move them indoors.”

           Bruce glanced up. “Indoors where?”

           “The studio.”

           “In the greenhouse?”

           “Yes.”

           There was a pause.

           Then Damian continued, “Next time I’ll let them grow a little more before I harvest. They could’ve been a bit bigger, don’t you think?”

           “I think they are wonderful,” answered Alfred happily. “And delicious.”

           They ate in semi-silence.

           “How is your hand?” asked Bruce.

           “Fine,” answered Damian, though there was very little fight in his tone. He set down his fork and held his palm out, showing Bruce. “Scar’s fading.”

           “That’s good.”

           Damian pushed his hair out of his face and went back to his phone. In the past few months he had let his hair grow out ever so slightly, just slightly longer than it had ever been in the past. When it reached a certain length it began to curl, which had the general effect of making Damian look younger, more like the kid he was. After dinner Alfred began to take the dishes into the kitchen, but Bruce and Damian managed to convinced him to sit back down, and instead insisted on cleaning up while Alfred relaxed.

           Bruce washed the dishes and Damian dried them and put them away, mostly in silence. Bruce was rinsing a pan when Damian said, “Father.”

           He looked around. Damian was standing at the counter, his thumb slipping across a fork embossed with the Wayne family crest. Lowering it, he looked up at his father with a look which was partly resignation, but which didn’t appear entirely unhappy.

           “You’re really still thinking about my hand?” he asked.

           Bruce set down the pan. “Of course I am.”

           Damian watched his father dispassionately. “Why?”

           “Because I’m your father, Damian. What happens to you matters to me.”

           Damian looked at Bruce for a moment, cocked his head as if he didn’t fully understand. With a jolt, it occurred to Bruce that perhaps he didn’t: injuries in the field were evidence of a failure, a consequence of one’s own carelessness and an inaccurate threat assessment. Any wounds Damian had suffered as a younger child were at the mercy of his teachers, and Bruce suspected – through Damian did not speak of his time with his mother – that Talia had used injury always to teach her son, to show him that pain and hurt has value and use. Bruce was not entirely certain that either of Damian’s parents had ever really shown to him that they cared merely for the sake of caring.

           Once more Damian brushed a curl back, off of his forehead. “I’ll show you,” he said, “if you still want to know.”

           Bruce leaned against the sink. “I do.”

           “OK.” He nodded towards the French doors leading out to the back garden, and Bruce followed him out. It was dark outside already, just past dusk: fireflies crisscrossed lazily through the air, but Damian ignored them.

           They ostensibly were heading for Damian’s vegetable patch. “Were you gardening?” he asked.

           “No.” Damian crossed the lawn, towards the greenhouse with its glass black like oceanwater in the darkness. “I sculpt.”

           Bruce raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Don’t tell me you cut your hand on a pottery wheel.”

           “Father, please, that’s ceramics. I said I sculpt.”

           Holding his tongue, doing his best to make sure Damian felt safe and unjudged, Bruce said, “Alright. What do you sculpt?”

           Damian opened the door to the dark greenhouse, then flicked a switch. Light flooded the place, reflecting white against the glass.

           “Marble,” he said.

           Bruce stood in the entrance to the ancient old greenhouse, a broken down, useless structure which Alfred and Damian had converted last summer into a studio. Naturally Bruce had always known his youngest son had artistic inclinations – he had seen his sketchbooks, and there’d been the watercolors a while ago – but sculpting marble was somehow not something Bruce had been remotely prepared for.

           A half dozen roughly-hewn figures stood frozen in the shadows, while another, half-formed into a bust, was positioned centrally. Piles of sandpaper, dust, and marble chips covered the floor. In the far corner, a tray of mushrooms grew.

           Beside Bruce, Damian brushed back his hair again. “I’ve been a little manic about it,” Damian admitted. “I only slipped and hurt my hand because I hadn’t been sleeping enough.”

           It was an admission of vulnerability, and it took Bruce slightly aback. “Ah,” he said. “Well.” He moved forward, slowly circling the rough bust. “These are very impressive, Damian.”

           “They’re just practice,” Damian said.

           “They’re very good.”

           Damian hesitated, hovering by the door. “Thanks,” he said.

           “Did Alfred buy you these supplies?”

           “Technically you did,” Damian replied, but he didn’t sound in the least bit ashamed. “I only forged your signature on the checks.”

           Though rationally Bruce knew he was supposed to be upset with his son for that, he couldn’t bring himself out of the strange sense of awe he felt, being in this room. There was a short silence as Bruce moved between the chunks of marble, inspecting them from all sides. He glanced back at Damian and asked, “Have you ever thought about a show?”

           “Show?” Damian echoed his father as if he did not understand, certain he had misheard. “Not…particularly.” He paused, then added, “They’re not very good,” legitimately, as if to inform his poor uncultured father on the simple fact of the matter.

           But Bruce had made up his mind. “They’re exquisite,” he said with certainty. “All your artwork has been collecting dust, Damian. Even if you choose not to display these,” he gestured at the statues, “you should have a showing of some sort. Frankly I’m disappointed I never thought of it earlier.”

           For a long moment, Damian didn’t say anything. Then Bruce peeked out from behind a statue to see his son standing still at the threshold, watching Bruce with a kind of deeply touched disbelief.

           He recovered quickly. “That’s idiotic,” he said, his expression snapping back to normal. “A private gallery showing is absurd. I’ve never even displayed any of my pieces before.”

           Bruce never said private gallery, but he wasn’t about to correct his son. “That’s not true,” he pointed out. “You did that art class at the Neon Knights Center a few months ago, and they displayed your work there once it was over.”

           “That was for charity,” Damian pointed out. “Tim’s PR team requested that I do it.”

           “This can be for charity too,” Bruce insists, crossing the studio back to his son. “We can offer to sell the pieces you wouldn’t mind parting with, then donate the proceeds to charity.”

           Shaking his head, Damian leaned against the doorframe. “No one will buy anything.”

           “Then we make the donation ourselves.”

           “That’s not-”

           Bruce interrupts. “Damian,” he said, earnestly. “Please.”

           After an extended pause, wherein Damian watched his father suspiciously, as if waiting for the punchline – finally, Damian gave a long theatrical sigh, and shrugged. “Fine,” he said, and Bruce got the impression he was very pleased to be convinced. “But I’ll have to take another look at my work. Hardly anything is worth showing, in any case.”

           He turned and headed back into the house. Behind him, Bruce followed, making his way through the grass and the flowers back into the Manor, a small smile on his face.

           The next day – Damian was technically on summer vacation, which usually made no impact on his studies, but as the days led up to his start at Princeton, Alfred had decided it prudent to give him a break – was spent mostly in the big living room with the French doors swung wide open. By the time Bruce awoke and made it down to slurp down coffee and his usual breakfast, Damian had already stuffed the room with almost every completed artwork of his he could scrounge up. It was staggering, really, the breadth of art that Damian had dabbled in; Bruce and Alfred sat dutifully on the sofa as Damian presented piece after piece, charcoal, watercolors, oil paintings, inked figure studies – a fully-inked short story comic, which Damian clarified he would not sell, until Alfred suggested they have it printed so that they may sell copies, to which Damian agreed with poorly disguised glee, delighted at the idea.

           Often Damian stopped, describing and observing a certain piece with a critical look in his eye. When he began to express his doubts about whether or not it deserved a place in the gallery showing, Bruce or Alfred would shake their head and one of them would say, “No, no, it’s too good; you have to include it.”

            Once the comic was printed, the gallery was booked, the catering ordered, and the event publicized, it came too quickly. Damian wore a nice suit, black, to contrast against his father’s pinstripe gray. He dragged his feet in those last few minutes, reluctantly getting into the car, then staying silent for the ride into the city. As they approached, he said snappily, “You know, this art space could’ve just as easily been used to showcase some of the more under-recognized art of real Gothamites, that is, you know, people who don’t have rich white old fathers to bankroll their own personal indulgences-”

           But given the right conditions, Damian loved being the center of attention, and as soon as guests started arriving he seemed to find his place. Half an hour in Dick showed up, bunching his arms around Damian in a tight hug which Damian only half-pretended to hate – he had flown in from Chicago specifically for this, while Bruce and Alfred kept it a secret. Tim was there, took a few pictures with Damian and with Bruce, provided a blurb for the press. At his side was Tam Fox, who was the one to actually coordinate the mini press conference and remind Tim that his PR team wanted the photos. Damian resented Tim’s presence, but he didn’t hate Tam; she was particularly taken by his oil paintings, and deeply impressed by the single completed marble sculpture he had decided to show.

           Colin showed up in jeans and a button-up shirt, and Damian gave him a copy of the comic, free of charge. Though Cass was out of the country on business, as she was wont to be, both Stephanie and Barbara showed up together. “Damn, Li’l D, this is good,” said Steph. “Way better than that macaroni portrait you gave me way back when.”

           A few years ago, Damian had been coerced into attending a week-long summer camp where Stephanie worked as a camp counselor. They had indeed created macaroni portraits, and the one Damian had made of Stephanie still hung in her room.

           An anonymous patron bought six paintings and the sculpture for nearly twenty thousand dollars. Tam Fox signed for whoever it was. The rest of the purchases and donations amounted to twice that, and when they gave the check to the local community center in Gotham’s poorest neighborhood, Bruce matched the donation in full.

           On the drive home from the ceremony, Damian would say, “You know, throwing money at every little urban ill doesn’t necessarily amount to making a positive, sustainable change-” and Bruce had not interrupted his son. If he had, he might have told Damian that he was proud.

[componentplanet]

Car of the Year: ExtremeTech’s Best Cars for 2020

How do you pick the right Car of the Year when so many cars are so good? You can choose the car you’d drive if you had Wall Street money (Flash: Porsche 911 Named Car of the Year Again). You can award the vehicle that drives over boulders (Flash: Jeep Gladiator Honored). You can call on your must-be-Motown roots (Flash: Corvette Wins Car of the Year Again), especially this year when the Corvette is a legit choice. But in the hands of others, that mindset also gave us the Chevrolet Vega, the Mustang II, the Chevrolet Citation, and the second coming of the Ford Thunderbird in 2002.

What about us? At ExtremeTech, we’re looking for a highly competent car that is forward-looking on technology, safety, and driver assists: a car that has still-desirable features and tech when it comes off lease and goes to the next owner at three our four years of age. Seventy percent of cars sold each year are previously owned. As for criteria, we have no price cap; some pubs say no more than 2.5X the average new car price, which average price in November was $38,400 according to KBB.com, excluding incentives, but we’d expect a lot more technology in a $100,000 car than a $25,000 car. Our preference is the car be available to buyers by the beginning of the year, not vaporware. Plus, it should be fun to drive on top of the technical merits. Here’s the 2020 ExtremeTech Car of the Year and, in alphabetical order, the rest of the top 10.

Seen-it-all journos give the 2020 Car of the Year Hyundai Sonata the thumbs up.

Car of the Year: 2020 Hyundai Sonata

In yet another Year of the SUV, where seven in 10 sales go to SUVs, crossovers, and pickups, the best new vehicle is a sedan: the 2020, eighth-generation Hyundai Sonata. Really. Sonata. Only once you have a) seen how good-looking the 2020 model is, b) gone through the list of standard safety technology and c) driven the Sonata can you fully understand the very neat trick Hyundai pulled off.

For starters, the following Hyundai SmartSense driver-assist features below are standard on all four trim lines of every 2020 Sonata (and the last is standard on the trims above SE that account for 85-90 percent of Sonata sales):

Stop and go adaptive cruise control (Hyundai’s term: “advanced smart cruise control”)

Forward collision warning, auto emergency braking, pedestrian detection (“forward collision-avoidance assist with pedestrian detection”)

Auto high beams (“automatic high beam assist”)

Lane keep assist (steers the car back from the lane edges)

Lane centering assist (“lane follow assist”)

Driver drowsiness detection (“driver attention warning”)

Dynamic backing guidelines for the (federally mandated) rearview camera

(SEL, SEL Plus, Limited:) Blind-spot detection (“blind-spot collision avoidance assist”) / rear cross-traffic alert (“rear cross-traffic avoidance assist”)

This is every bit of driver assistance tech you’d expect on any 2020 car, even high-end cars.

Hyundai Blind Spot View Monitor (BVM) shows what’s in your blind spot (also beeps, flashes).

There’s more driver assistance, if you want it: On the top two trim lines, Hyundai has Level 2 self-driving called Highway Drive Assist. It works well. On the top line, Sonata Limited, Remote Smart Parking Assist self-drives your car into and out of a parking space or garage with you out of the car, for about 30 feet worth of self-drive parking. Also on Limited is a Blind Spot View Monitor (photo above) that shows left and right rear video views in the instrument panel, twice as wide as what you’d see from the side mirror, and you still get warning chirps and lights. All in a mainstream car, not a Lexus or Mercedes.

There’s also phone-as-key (just what it sounds like) called Hyundai Digital Key using NFC (near field communications). There’s also a separate NFC proximity card that opens and starts your car and costs about $20 (not $250) for a physical wireless remote key if you lose it. Hyundai Digital Key works with Android phones, and would work with iPhone if Apple allowed NFC for more things than Apple payments. Hello, Apple?

Hyundai knows navigation is a tough sell on lower-cost cars, so it makes standard Android Auto, Apple CarPlay and an 8-inch color touchscreen. Plug in your own phone for navigation. On the upper SEL Plus, Hyundai makes optional a 10.25-inch center display and onboard nav, and it’s standard on Limited because everything comes standard on Limited.

Sonata Limited cockpit.

A performance Sonata, the N Line, follows in 2020 (announced), then most likely a hybrid Sonata (widely expected) that will provide e-power to the rear wheels and give the Sonata all-wheel-drive without creating a space-robbing transmission tunnel for mechanical rear-wheel-drive. Of the top-selling sedans perceived as midsize, the No. 1 Toyota Camry will offer AWD in the spring after 27 years as front-wheel-drive only, No. 2 Honda Accord is front-drive only, No. 3 Nissan Altima got AWD with the 2019 model, and the Sonata is on the verge of being the No. 4 seller as soon as the current fourth- and fifth-place Ford Fusion and Chevrolet Malibu hurry up and kick the bucket (never mind that they are very good sedans).

You get all this core safety (the bullet list above) in the Sonata for $26,430 including freight, or $28,830 for the SEL that has BSD, ten grand under the average selling price of a new car today. The Sonata Limited, maxed out with every option-that-is-actually-standard, sells for $34,530: The Car of the Year, loaded, at four grand under the price of the average new car sold today.

Hyundai’s new equipment-and-options scheme is nice: Features are fixed (no options offered) on entry and premium lines. The least expensive trim has no extra-cost options because shoppers are buying a low payment plan, such as a Sonata SE lease for $219 or 1.9 percent purchase financing; in late December, in some areas, it’s as low as a $99 lease or 0 percent APR 72-month loan. The middle trims offer options. At the top trim, most buyers want every option, so they’re all baked in. And the Sonata is made in America: Montgomery, Alabama, to be specific. Auto manufacturing is transforming the New South in Alabama, the Carolinas, Georgia, and Mississippi, and if the jobs aren’t in Michigan, they are in the US of A.

While the Sonata’s length of 192.9 inches says midsize, the interior volume of 120.4 cubic feet (104.4 feet passenger, 16.0 feet trunk) says full-size in EPA numbers (120 cubic feet and above). In every way, our Car of the Year is a cut above. And Hyundai is poised to pick up the slack as US-flagged automakers cut their sedan lines. Thirty percent of 17 million new vehicles is still 5 million sedans.

Anybody can make a great $75,000 car. It takes genius to engineer a great car for $30,000. Hyundai did it and that’s why the Sonata is the ExtremeTech Car of the Year for 2020.

Below, the rest of ExtremeTech’s top 10 cars for 2020:

BMW X5: An SUV that’s a kick to drive just about anywhere.

BMW X5: Safe, Fast Fun Has Its Price

If you want one higher-end vehicle that does it all – ultra-composed highway cruising with the family or back-roads carving on your own, carpooling or towing 7,200-pound trailers – that’s the 2019 BMW X5 midsize SUV. This the most balanced vehicle in the BMW lineup and offers more of the good stuff and good-life stuff – driver assists, entertainment, safety technology – albeit for a price. It rides well, handles well, and just feels good to be in. It’s the second year of the fourth-generation X5 that debuted as a 2019 model.

The 2020 X5 offers three engines: a 335-hp inline-six and a 0-60 time of 5.2 seconds, a 456-hp V8 (0-60, 4.6 seconds) and for 2020 an X5 M50i with a 523-hp V8 (0-60, 4.1 seconds). Near-perfection has its price: $59,895 for a rear-drive X5 (a whopping seventeen large over the compact X3), to $83,000 for the base X5 M50i (meaning parts from the BMW Motorsport bins), to $133,825 for the X5 M Competition, an all-Motorsport vehicle, fully optioned.

The six-cylinder X5 comes standard with dual 12.3-inch displays, LED headlamps, front/rear parking sonar, Active Driving Assistant (blind spot detection/rear cross-traffic alert, lane departure warning, forward collision warning/city collision mitigation, and daytime pedestrian protection). You pay extra for adaptive cruise control (BMW’s standard “dynamic cruise control” sounds like ACC but really it’s cruise control), for the satellite radio tuner chip (it’s in packages starting at $1,050), and for nine of the 11 paint colors that add $550-$1,950. You may want things like laser headlamps, the rear air suspension, or ultra-premium audio, because why not? You must get the Driving Assistance Professional package ($1,750) with adaptive cruise control, lane centering, auto lane change (just flick the turn signal and it happens if it’s safe), and steering/traffic jam assistant.

A well-equipped X5 will run you $70,000-$75,000. Compared with the equally luxe, equally new Mercedes-Benz GLE, the Bimmer is more fun to drive. Compared with the Audi Q7, Audi still has a great interior but trails otherwise because it’s a five-year-old platform with a 2019 facelift.

Price, mid-engine design makes the Corvette a sports car for the young again.

Chevrolet Corvette Stingray: Mid-Engine Magic

Corvette songs peaked in the sixties, give or take Prince and “Little Red Corvette,” and even that was 1982. Now Corvette culture is back, this time without gold chains, as the 2020 C8 (eighth-generation) Vette arrives. The engine is finally mounted behind the driver, something Corvette chief engineer Zora Arkus-Duntov dreamed of in the 1950s. There’s a seven-speed double-clutch transmission. The 491-hp V8 engine has variable valve timing, gasoline direct injection, and Active Fuel Management (cylinder deactivation) to make the car a responsible citizen that also hits 60 mph in 2.9 seconds with the Z51 package. A turbocharged, overhead-cam, hybrid – yes, hybrid – engine is reportedly in the offing for more fuel efficiency and more power, more power because the electric motors act as additional turbochargers that have zero lag.

The new Corvette offers magnetic ride control shocks – MR, or magnetorheological dampers – that can be sporty or soft. Testers who’ve had the C8 Corvette on the track find it quicker than the C7 Corvette of 2014-2019, and easier to drive. Amazingly, the list price (excluding freight) starts just over $61,000 with freight, $7,500 more for the hardtop convertible. Bring on the Porsches and Ferraris. Most people will pay more and the $100,000 Corvette is an easy possibility. The online configurator is addictive: You want orange seat belts, or Tension Blue, or Torch Red? That’s $395, please, if you don’t want black. You’ll discover front lift with memory, $1,495, that remembers via GPS up to 1,000 speed bumps and steep driveways and lifts the front end 2 inches before you get there. Hey, that’s cheap compared with replacing the front spoilers.

Hyundai Palisade: Upscale ride, cockpit, design. Less than $50,000.

Hyundai Palisade: So Good, So Affordable

If not for the Hyundai Sonata, the Hyundai Palisade might well be Car of the Year. The Palisade is the BMW X5/Mercedes-Benz GLE for $20,000 less, all of them with outstanding interiors and a raft of safety features and driver assists, and very different price points. With the Palisade, a slew of safety features come standard on all trim lines. The three rows fit seven (middle row captain’s chairs) or eight (bench), with semi-passable room in row three for adults. The 291-hp V6 and eight-speed automatic are plenty quick, if not in BMW’s league. (The $20K extra has to go for something, such as less body lean.) Hyundai Drive Assist gives you Level 2 autonomy, meaning the car drives itself on highways as long as you keep your hands lightly on the wheel most of the time.

We loved the Blind View Monitor on the premium trim line, Limited, with its 12.3-inch digital instrument panel. Rear-side-facing cameras bring up a view to the left or right rear. depending on which directional signal is activated. That’s on top of a blind spot warning light in the side mirror, a pleasant chirp from the speakers, and what was a Hyundai/Genesis first, blind spot warnings in the head-up display. You can’t have too much of a good thing, especially for older drivers who can’t, or younger drivers who won’t, turn their heads to check traffic. (Editor’s note: Ignore the Consumer Reports early review that calls Palisade Blind View Monitor “clever … but some of our drivers considered this feature a mere novelty while others thought it could be distracting.” No way. It’s a feature that makes blind-spot detection even more useful.)

A loaded Palisade comes in at less than $48,000. The Palisade resets expectations on what you must pay for a great family-size SUV. Shop this (and sibling Kia Telluride, below) if you’re looking at best-seller Ford Explorer or Lincoln Aviator for that matter, as well as Chevrolet Traverse. It’s competitive with Audi/BMW/Mercedes SUVs as well.

The Jaguar I-Pace is the electric sports car SUV that doesn’t require paved roads.

Jaguar I-Pace: Charm of the Un-Tesla

If you want a sports car that’s quick, comfortable, great-looking, and comes with a $7,500 tax credit, that’s the Jaguar I-Pace. Most of all, it’s exclusive: Jaguar was bringing only about 3,000 to US shores for 2019, which is also about what demand is for a vehicle that’s snug in back relative to the Tesla Model S, Model X, or Model 3 and with a more modest range, 234 miles on the EPA test cycle or 292 miles for Europe’s WLTP (Worldwide Harmonized Light Vehicle Test Procedure). To push range over 300 miles, you need several hundred more pounds of battery, and that hurts performance. And range. The US needs more cars like the I-Pace, our ExtremeTech Car of the Year a year ago, to make EVs sexier and more desirable.

At the $70,000 base price, it’s a great deal, as high-performance SUVs go. Or high-performance hatchbacks, which the I-Pace also closely resembles. Some people find it annoying when they spend a lot of money on a Black Sapphire Metallic BMW X4 and find the same X4 next to yours in the company parking lot, even if the other one is Carbon Black Metallic or Jet Black. (BMW sells a lot of black cars.) Won’t happen with the Jag.

Midsize Kia Telluride has all the right stuff, at a sub-$50K price (loaded).

Kia Telluride

The Kia Telluride is a fraternal twin to the Hyundai Palisade. Engineers say every body and interior panel is different. But the drivetrain is the same, the EPA numbers are the same at 21 mpg combined city/highway, pricing is similar, and interior finish is first-class on both. The Telluride has four trim lines (LX, S, EX and SX), while the Palisade three (SE, SEL, and Limited). Entry models are about $33,000, both with full-range adaptive cruise control, automatic emergency braking with pedestrian detection, lane-centering steering, rear parking sensors, and a trailer stability system.

The Telluride (only) comes standard with blind-spot detection/rear cross-traffic alert and safe exit assist (alert sounds if you open a road-side door with traffic approaching). So if you shop the entry model, the Telluride is a better choice than the Palisade. Both offer a blind spot monitor (display) in the instrument panel, with Kia’s taking up the middle of the screen and Hyundai’s taking up the left-side circular speedometer or right-side tachometer, depending on whether the alert is on the left or right side. Kia has a traditional console shifter; Hyundai uses buttons that set aside more space for cupholders, phones, and keys. Fully optioned, the top trim line is about $47,500. (A Ford Explorer can hit $65,000.)

Subjectively, reviewers say the Kia looks ruggeder, in part with the rectangular grille shape and the Telluride name. The ride is about the same. The Telluride in the fall was outselling the Palisade by 20 percent, and Telluride was Motor Trend’s SUV of the Year; both are candidates for the NACTOY (North American Car and Truck of the Year) utility vehicle award to be announced Jan. 13. Either way, the two are shaking up the market, with the Telluride marketed as a sporty/rugged vehicle and the Palisade emphasizing a luxe interior. To us, the biggest difference is Telluride has blind-spot detection even on the entry trim line.

The midsize Lincoln Aviator is the best of the new Lincolns, hitting all the right notes.

Lincoln Aviator: Ford’s Luxury Brand Takes Off

The Lincoln Aviator represents the resurrection of the Lincoln Motor Company, which for more than a decade breathed Cadillac’s exhaust fumes. The midsize Aviator builds on the Ford Explorer (the best-selling midsize SUV in recent years) with luxury touches that resonate with buyers who, unlike X5 shoppers, don’t yearn for the chance they might one day want to autocross a 2.5-ton vehicle. Still: The Aviator, with a 400-hp twin-turbo V6, hits 60 mph in close to 5 seconds; the Aviator Grand Touring PHEV adds a 100-hp electric motor and batteries good for 18 miles. Inside, the cockpit is rich, refined, and tasteful. High-end trims get 28-speaker Revel audio and 30-way massaging seats. Or maybe it’s the other way around. The Detroit Symphony Orchestra created short musical chords that take the place of harsh beeps on other cars.

Standard safety is good: Co-Pilot 360 comprises forward-collision warning, automated emergency braking, pedestrian detection, blind-spot detection, lane-keep assist, and automatic high-beams. But standard safety could be better: The Aviator line that runs $53,000 (Aviator) to $90,000 (Aviator Grand Touring Black Label) does not include, on lower trims, Co-Pilot 360 Plus with full-range adaptive cruise control, traffic-sign recognition, and self-parking (parallel and perpendicular). The Aviator (formerly MK-something, MKT we believe), flanked by the bigger Navigator (always called Navigator), the smaller-midsize Nautilus (formerly MKX), and the compact Corsair (formerly MKC), is finally gaining momentum. For a Lincoln to advance from best-of-the-year for 2020 to models that are best of every year, it needs to work on quality control (the Aviator/Explorer rollout was messy) and give thought to some sporty variants.

Mazda CX-5: the definitive class-above compact SUV.

Mazda CX-5: So Good in So Many Ways

How often does one model surpass half an automaker’s sales? That’s the Mazda CX-5 compact SUV, with 151,000 of Mazda’s 300,000 US sales in 2018, a runaway success since the second generation arrived as a 2017 model. It’s nimble, seats four or five very comfortably, and now has a Grand Touring Reserve and Signature models with a 250 hp turbo engine and even nicer cockpit trim. Every mainstream automaker flaunts the term “class above,” but it’s Mazda that actually delivers. (Okay, the Hyundai Palisade/Kia Telluride in this story as well.) Fit and finish are first-rate and several Mazdas, including the CX-5, are cited among Consumer Reports’ most reliable vehicles.

Vehicle development engineer Dave Coleman says, “Mazda makes slow cars that are fun to drive fast.” Meaning there’s more fun pushing a normally powered car to its limits on a back road than carefully modulating the throttle on, say, an X3 to find you’re always holding back to avoid being 20 mph over the limit and having to lean hard on the brakes going into a curve. Mazda sweats the details on how the driver blends with the seat, even how his or her head bobs going over bumps or in turns, all to in the name of jinba ittai, or making horse and rider as one. The first time you hear jinba ittai, you wonder if this is more marketing BS. Over time, you realize this is what Mazda is about, and why a comparatively small company slays so many dragons.

The entry CX-5 Sport with cloth seats, blind-spot detection, 187 hp, and front-drive is a sporty runabout at $25,000, while the top-of-the-line Signature AWD adds adaptive cruise control, lane keep assist (but not lane centering, because Mazda wants to keep it a driver’s car), suede seat inserts, and gorgeous wood dash panels for $38,000. Now that it’s winter, you can mount winter tires and test Mazda’s belief that nobody does better predictive all-wheel drive.

Ram 1500: Big display, 48-volt power boost.

Ram 1500/Ram HD: 48-Volt eTorque Boosts Power

Redesigned for 2019, the Ram 1500 offers a very good ride, the ability to carry or tow big loads, and a wide range of engine choices. Most interesting is eTorque, a mild-hybrid option on V6 and V8 engines that uses a 48-volt battery pack and a belt-drive electric motor (which doubles as a generator) for brief bursts of extra power, or torque. In city driving, eTorque engines boost fuel economy by almost 20 percent. There’s also a V6 EcoDiesel that is matching V8s on power and towing capacity. Inside, the cab is roomy, has lots of storage, and useful tech features, including an available 12-inch portrait display and the easy-to-use UConnect interface and navigation system. The Ram’s coil-spring suspension improves the ride over leaf-spring pickups and the top-line Limited has a four-corner air suspension that emulates the ride of an upscale luxury sedan or SUV.

Naturally, there’s an array of cab types (regular with one row of seats; quad with two rows and snug rear legroom; and crew with two rows and the same 41-inch legroom as the front seat), bed lengths (5’7″, 6’4″, 8′), trim lines (seven), engines (V6 and V8 gas with and without eTorque, V6 diesel, Cummins inline-six diesel), an off-roader (Rebel), heavy-duty versions (2500 HD, 3500 HD), and rear- or four-wheel-drive. The most common driver assists – blind spot detection, adaptive cruise control, lane keep assist – are offered as options, and some features such as adaptive cruise control are only available on higher trim lines. All this made the Ram 1500 America’s third best-selling vehicle in America, albeit behind the Ford F-150 and Chevrolet Silverado.

The Subaru Forester compact SUV: Different from the rest, and better.

Subaru Forester: Solid, Safe, On and Off Paved Roads

The fifth-generation Subaru Forester that debuted in 2019 remains true to its roots: rugged, reliable, standard all-wheel-drive, and easily cleaned inside and out with a fire hose (first remove the golden lab), or so the faithful claimed, except now the rubber floor mats are carpet. And there’s a lot of safety, standard, via Subaru EyeSight, a system using stereoscopic cameras. For 2020, lane centering assist comes standard, in addition to full-range adaptive cruise control and forward-collision warning/mitigation braking. DriverFocus tracks head movement and sounds an alert if you appear distracted; usually, it’s right.

Compared with our top ten Mazda CX-5, the Forester occupants sit more upright and have more legroom, and there’s more cargo room in back. The CX-5 is more fun to drive, while the Forester’s higher ground clearance make it better off-paved roads. The Mazda, even with the non-turbo four, is quicker, while the Forester easily gets fuel economy in the 30s. Both are great in the snow, especially on winter tires.

Hell freezes over: The Toyota Racing Development (TRD) Avalon. Hold on to your dentures.

Honorable Mention

With almost 300 different models on sale, there are plenty of just-about-as good cars, SUVs, and pickups. All are standouts overall, with very good technology. They include:

Audi A4. The best compact, upscale sport sedan, in a field crowded by BMW 3 Series, Mercedes C-Class, Infiniti Q60, Lexus IS, Volvo S60, etcetera. Plenty of tech, as you’d expect.

Ford F-150. No. 1 selling vehicle (nearly 1M this year). Ford’s turbo (EcoBoost) V6 makes buyers forget V8s. Sync works well.

Honda Accord. The longstanding benchmark in midsize sedans has fought off challengers before and rivals higher-end cars for cabin quality.

Honda Odyssey. Write this on your hand when you shop: No 200- to 205-inch inch SUV carries as many people in comfort, in all three rows, as a minivan. The 2020 Odyssey has its extensive HondaSensing safety suite and blind-spot detection (which is not part of the suite) standard on all but the low selling-entry trim line. It’s the best choice for a family. If you need all-wheel-drive, the Toyota Sienna is the only choice currently (a very good choice), and if you do a lot of around-town carpooling, the upscale Chrysler Pacifica PHEV covers the first 18 miles on battery power.

Hyundai Kona. A solid upscale subcompact crossover. Want the same size from Hyundai, only less expensive? Check out the just-shipped Venue, a Nissan Kicks competitor.

Mazda CX-30. CX-30 finds room in the foot of length between the aging CX-3 and never-grows-old CX-5.

Porsche Macan. The compact SUV is a gem, priced to match, and with great technology. It is the best-selling Porsche.

Subaru Crosstrek, now in gas or gas-hybrid.

Subaru Ascent. A very, very good midsize SUV the second time around. A decade ago, Subaru couldn’t click with the similarly sized B9/Tribeca SUV. This time, magic happened.

Subaru Crosstrek. The go-anywhere AWD (of course) subcompact hatch with a sporty flair, solid off-paved-roads driving, and the excellent optical driver-assist system, EyeSight. Now has a hybrid option.

Tesla Model 3. Forget the Tesla hype machine for a moment: Tesla knows EV batteries best. The Model 3 is a smash sales success compared with every non-Tesla EV.

Toyota Avalon. The best big, midprice sedan for those who don’t want SUVs. Really a good car, and not just for retirees. There’s a hybrid (of course) and a performance model (OMG!) TRD Avalon sedan.

Toyota Camry Hybrid. Camrys are great, Toyota hybrids are great. Perfect when you need more room than a Prius and don’t want a RAV4 (a great small SUV which comes in hybrid).

Toyota Prius. Year in, year out, the standard-bearer among small hybrids. People have (almost) stopped asking how long the batteries might last.

Toyota Yaris. Yes, that’s a lot of Toyotas on this list. Except the best subcompact sedan is actually the Mazda2, rebadged.

Volvo XC60. In a crowded field of upscale compact SUVs, the Volvo stands out for safety and a classy cockpit.

Now read:

2020 Hyundai Sonata Review: Car of the Year? (It’s That Good)

Are Tesla Cybertruck, Mustang Mach-E Moving the Needle Toward EVs?

Buick Throws in the Towel on Cars in the US

from ExtremeTechExtremeTech https://www.extremetech.com/extreme/303740-car-of-the-year-extremetechs-best-cars-for-2020 from Blogger http://componentplanet.blogspot.com/2020/01/car-of-year-extremetechs-best-cars-for.html

[thanksforthedinosaur]

december 2019

1. dsps - folk song for you 2. plastic plastic - ฮัม 3. 宇宙ネコ子 - 君のように生きれたら 4. pomplamoose - a vizsla in a tesla in ibiza 5. kate bollinger - untitled 6. rae spoon - again + again + again 7. mindy gledhill - lines 8. sorcha richardson - high in the garden 9. nada surf - something i should do 10. ratboys - alien with a sleep mask on 11. namdose - all that you have 12. modest mouse - ice cream party 13. varsity - still apart 14. keren ann - odessa, odyssée (patchworks remix) 15. michelle blades - kiss me on the mouth 16. sarah jaffe - all my friends are pretty 17. tristen - red lava 18. myzica - can't come back 19. christelle bofale - origami dreams 20. lorelle meets the obsolete - acción vaciar 21. overcoats - leave if you wanna 22. and the kids - the final free 23. methyl ethel - real tight 24. blood cultures - uncertainty - an anthem 25. dori freeman - like i do 26. sparrows - gold in the tide 27. wild pink - how's the tap here 28. romantic states - ballerina 29. emily yacina - bleachers 30. aldous harding - fixture picture 31. paula cole - all or nothing 32. jenny owen youngs - living room 33. ings - if not you 34. harmony woods - swing 35. soccer mommy - yellow is the color of her eyes 36. yumi zouma - bruise 37. barrie - human nature 38. starover blue - anemone 39. lost film - enough 40. hazel english - shaking 41. gabrielle papillon - don't want to go to bed 42. she her her hers - floating city 43. adoy - lemon 44. the radio dept. - pulling our weight 45. siamese cats - billion light years 46. brightness - midnight mass 47. mint julep - stranger 48. wildlife - follower (lala) 49. lightning bug - vision scraps 50. whimsical - i always dream of you 51. horsebeach - trust 52. temple of angels - cerise dream 53. spool - tip of a finger 54. me not you - i should know better 55. ardency - stress dreams 56. holy holy - frida 57. sidewave - return 58. cafuné - friction 59. twin limb - see you in the warm light 60. space above - stolen days 61. bora york - too soon, too cold 62. prune deer - by air 63. night tempo - new dawn 64. stan forebee - serene 65. ødyssee - how we feel 66. another silent weekend - falling apart 67. luvbird - without u 68. cocabona - howl 69. goosetaf - upstream 70. baechulgi - thanks 71. oatmello - yakisoba 72. chief. - into sleep 73. rook1e - we'll stay inside when it rains 74. leaf beach - mirage 75. meltycanon - jolyne 76. lordsun - last time 77. avery sennin - watch me 78. easy life - sangria 79. basick - oohooh 80. manon - winter lil life 81. meisterbeatz - masters of the humanverse 82. leikeli47 - bad gyal flex 83. keke palmer - twerk n flirt 84. chynna - mood 85. princess nokia - balenciaga 86. kodie shane - 2 many 87. 2 chainz - threat 2 society 88. frank ocean - in my room 89. the midnight hour - harmony 90. kari faux - in the air 91. fka twigs - holy terrain 92. be steadwell - witch 93. qveen herby - confetti 94. kehlani - you know wassup 95. diamond white - love songs 4 96. queen naija - good morning text 97. dounia - lowkey grl 98. michaela - 111 99. cautious clay - saturday morning cartoons 100. quin - calling 101. mcclenney - love in the sky 102. sevyn streeter - whatchusay 103. cassie - excuses 104. syd - getting late 105. deaton chris anthony - racecar 106. cuco - feelings 107. miraa may - fwm 108. tinashe - save room for us 109. luna shadows - practice 110. bea miller - feel something 111. kaina - waiting on a day 112. rationale - hurts the most 113. masego - big girls 114. ecco2k - fragile 115. ari mason - pangaea 116. tennyson - collapse 117. exes - burnout 118. hope tala - d.t.m. 119. love x stereo - zero one 120. rén with the mane - burnin 121. reddish blu - waste my time 122. bülow - boys will be boys 123. madge - bonedeep 124. honeycraft - circles 125. friday night plans - antiquities 126. ider - body love 127. lusine - not alone 128. cehryl - home video 129. baths - wistful (fata morgana) 130. pale blue - a heart whose love is innocent 131. keep shelly in athens - caryatid 132. alex lustig - stardust 133. briana marela - there is value in you 134. mija - sweat it out 135. bella boo - way chill 136. direct - give and take 137. kozoro - girl of the sky 138. cloudnone - wish 139. attom - follow me 140. nvdes - bump it 141. lisel - digital light field 142. com truise - gaussian 143. little boots - infrared 144. the fin. - cold 145. dan mason ダン·メイソン - everytime i cry 146. liz - bubblegum 147. blackbird blackbird - myself 148. luxxury - another lifetime 149. ducktails - catch a rising star 150. marsheaux - alone (all alone) 151. nora van elken - needed you 152. louise burns - over you 153. genes - give it away 154. yota - limelight 155. the griswolds - aliens 156. cristina quesada - love at third sight 157. jessie ware - mirage (don’t stop) 158. l.e.j - pas l'time 159. madelin - monarch (hot fun remix) 160. pink skies - looking back 161. twinkids - psycho 162. gloss - blah blah blah 163. telex telexs - june 164. cheat codes - i feel ya 165. melanie c - high heels 166. ciara - thinkin bout you 167. joy. - diamond 168. tatiana hazel - can't help but notice 169. ralph - last time 170. litany - love letter 171. gabrielle aplin - like you say you do 172. misterwives - find my way home 173. kate nash - bad lieutenant 174. ellie goulding - sixteen 175. charli xcx - porsche 176. bts - make it right 177. sofi de la torre - pero no 178. hayley kiyoko - l.o.v.e. me 179. millie turner - swimming pool 180. fleurie - sway 181. harry styles - watermelon sugar 182. fractures - chains 183. madeline - di bale na lang 184. middle kids - real thing 185. hikes - mahal kita 186. elephant gym - gaze at blue 187. mol-74 - playback 188. delta sleep - sultans of ping 189. sore eyelids - everything's a waste 190. microwave - mirrors 191. hawthorne heights - hard to breathe 192. pohgoh - repeat exchanges 193. upset - brighton 194. honeyblood - gibberish 195. liza anne - devotion 196. dressy bessy - what do i get? 197. holiday ghosts - slipstream 198. the regrettes - here you go 199. tsunami bomb - sinkhole 200. beach slang - tommy in the 80s 201. this is fantastic for you - skullduggery 202. loma prieta - continuum 203. andrea von kampen - crossing the bar 204. chelsea cutler - please 205. shannon lay - november 206. mount eerie - love without possession 207. shannon wright - these present arms 208. fromm - with you 209. stella jang - how could a person always be lovely 210. ikimonogakari - we do 211. cheeze - blue champagne 212. oohyo - pizza 213. perfume - 再生 214. asoboism - uchoten 215. key - i wanna be 216. wasuta - デデスパボン! 217. eill - one last time 218. isyana sarasvati - feel so right 219. asako toki - that summer 220. kolme - repeat 221. dia - woowa 222. got7 - run away 223. cream - mvp 224. exid - how you doin' 225. twice - fake & true 226. gfriend - wish 227. azki - reflection 228. kirara magic - moka 229. p19 - infinitymoflity 230. b3lla - akihabara 231. wisp x - faeth 232. sanaas - leaving me (freezer remix) 233. pleeg - breath 234. colate - 三日月ランデヴー 235. ハレトキドキ - テルミー (smooth rap) 236. fujifire - cafè delight 237. nanahira - doki doki virus 238. cute girls doing cute things - too spicy 239. d-real - disco night 240. mélonade - extra 241. uno - バーチャルワールドが僕らの町にやってきた  242. nyarons - because of youth 243. club2tokyo - drlng 244. ohey - forgiveness 245. yukiyanagi - tourbillon 246. wave meow - in love 247. ducky - my flower, your garden 248. slushii - i'd do anything 249. magic circuit - quiet rooms 250. anamanaguchi - on my own 251. sweet dove - perches in the soul 252. akisai - allemande 253. ★star guitar - part of me 254. teen daze - open 255. [.que] - happily 256. hiromi - sepia effect 257. albert karch - celestially light iv 258. satomoka - 雨の日のストール 259. hana - cowgirl bebop

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6ytRUSMsjPtZ3VIzc7z9V6?si=Hr1OrcTiSQWtR27m_luShQ

[flauntpage]

How Kawhi Leonard and Anthony Davis Laid the Groundwork for Bryce Harper

You’ve heard the choruses by now:

“Where’s the stupid money?!”

“Just give him the opt-out and get it done!”

“Offer the guy $350 million and GET IT DONE!”

“Middleton is a fraud if he doesn’t get Harper!”

“They didn’t offer more than $300 million? Are they stupid?!”

“Should’ve matched Machado! Boras played the Phils!”

But the aforementioned choruses come from a place of misplaced rage. I get the knee-jerk reaction to every report of the Dodgers’ and Giants’ interest in Bryce Harper. It sucks. As a fanbase, we’d collectively bought into the notion that John Middleton’s “stupid money” comment with the voracious hunger we felt after Brett Brown uttered “Star Hunting or Star Developing“. We didn’t learn. That’s fine, but screaming for the owner to just throw even MORE money at the player doesn’t jive with what we’ve seen in other sports. Sometimes money isn’t everything.

Forgive the possible reach on this one, but I think we’ve begun to see a paradigm shift in how top athletes approach their contract negotiations. When Kawhi Leonard chose to push for a trade, he knowingly declined the opportunity to earn a super-max extension worth roughly $219 million over five years. By forcing a trade, he cost himself roughly $36 million. If he chooses to leave Toronto, the max he’ll be able to sign for is roughly $140 million over four years. The numbers are staggering. Think about that for a second. He’s potentially cost himself $79 million because he presumably wants to play in a larger market (and his hometown, hey Clippers). We’ve seen Anthony Davis make a similar power play earlier this month. He’s seemingly willing to leave a possible $239 million deal on the table to pursue a larger market (hey, Lakers). In fact, since the NBA instituted the “Kevin Durant Rule” with the idea of giving a small market team an inside track to re-sign their own players to the most massive deal possible, only four – Steph Curry, James Harden, John Wall, and Russell Westbrook – have signed a super-max deal. Steph’s on the best team of this generation, Harden’s been an MVP on the best threat to Golden State, John Wall would’ve been stupid to turn down that guaranteed money with his up-and-down play (he’s NEVER going to be worth the $40m+ salary he’ll earn at the end of that deal), and Westbrook became the face of the franchise after Kevin Durant left.

That brings me back to Harper. Basketball and baseball players might not be wired the exact same way, but when you’re making the money that some of these guys will make on the field/court, perhaps $30 million doesn’t move the needle. If the Dodgers or Giants defy some reports and offer $300 million over 10 years for Harper, while the Phillies make a 10-year/$330 million offer, does that $30 million make that much of a difference? You and I don’t know. Have you ever signed a multi-million dollar deal? If yes, you’re the only one. We can’t fathom that kind of money. Perhaps Harper, like LeBron James, sees the marketing/sponsorship opportunities in LA and decides that those deals could more than make up the $30 million the Phillies offer. It’s entirely possible that proximity to his hometown of Las Vegas means something. Harper and his wife Kayla Marner were both born and raised in Las Vegas. If they choose to have kids, being in close proximity to their families in Vegas could be a massive selling point. Maybe that alone is a strong enough reason to turn down more guaranteed money. Again, until Bryce Harper himself comes out and speaks on any of the rumors and reports, we won’t know anything for sure.

Feel free to scream on Twitter/Reddit/sports-talk radio about it. I won’t. He’ll either sign here or he won’t. Unlike some Phillies writers, I’m not sick of Harper Watch 2019. It’s giving us something to talk about at this point in the spring. Baseball features a long – perhaps too long – season. We’ll have plenty of time to learn about an adjustment Nick Pivetta has made this offseason to his slider. We’ll have the next month to hear about a young Latin American signing who defied a terrible set of circumstances and exceeded expectations. This insanity is something diehard and casual fans alike should embrace. The Phillies are better now than they were at the end of 2018. Maybe it’ll work out and maybe it won’t. I, for one, am looking forward to this season.

The post How Kawhi Leonard and Anthony Davis Laid the Groundwork for Bryce Harper appeared first on Crossing Broad.

How Kawhi Leonard and Anthony Davis Laid the Groundwork for Bryce Harper published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/

[castlehead]

THE ONLY SENSIBLE DEATH EVER.

Here the contemptuous hORn; there in the traffic the expletive, hoarse and butting. From an unidentified voice nestled, hoarsely, within the exhaustive mull of the cars, like a foul eGg in a nest of sheet-metal. And Firestone, the EXpletives hit their notes properly like chimes through the wind. Here and there, a far-away radio station, eeking out some thin chords into the Summer.

There, nevertheless-the oceanic flow of traffic, which goes on through the normal motions, of expletives and horns and tHIn chords, and men out of their Lincolns, looking towards where the lanes were less clogged. Nevertheless, that day, there was an oceanic feel to everything really, the motion was all placed conscientiously, naturally, beautifully; the aforementioned disorder of traffic the baby crying in its cheap stroller on the sidewalk next to the bloated traffic, the man walking to the apartment above, craving to hit his wife, even the havoc of the entire World worked sinuously into itself at 12:43:00.
People noticed a change. It was a kind of aniMalistic recognition, sinking its confused teeth into the Limbic System of every human being, and the instinct of every animal, in the World no, one can rightly track such a phenomenon, because it is logistically impossible to prove, but there are times when the laden cloth of the World is flatly made over the universal bed. In other words-there are no wrinkles! This was one of those times!
In other words, every single nuance of the World shifted that day towards the bigger, fatter nuance that was the Universe; that towering Bedsheet we all sleep under.

We have not yet found out what makes up the mattress under us it might, just be all Universe.

Though the logistics of these numbers are impossible to prove as well, they added themselves up that day, starting at 12:43:00, in perfect synchronization, they were what one, would call a flUrry no, a mass of coincidences upon coincidences, upon hum-dingers-and, all true. All. Untraceable.vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvsorryifellasleepatthekeyboardtheUniversecanfallasleeptoo 
At 12:43:00, 311 million people in the World slammed doors, the velocity at which the doors hit their respective doorways was the same as well, and the slams were all heard at that exact moment; 219 million people burped at the same tone and pitch, and for the same duration of time; 707 million people got paper cuts; 390 million people screamed, at the same tone and pitch, and for the same duration of time; 16 million kissed and moaned concurrently; 423 million scratched the exact same spot on their palms; 13 million pressed the ‘E’ sharp key on their piano, all with the index finger; 1 billion people took their first bite out of a meal, and swallowed simultaneously; 2 billion people, around the World, walked at the same pace, each foot hitting the ground precisely at the same time.

This Worldwide wave of Likeness created a suBtle moving energy in things, a buzz to things that moved seamlessly. The traffic, for example, moved, without, A seam in it, at alL...
Many of the people involved in this vast sYncHronIzation swore they saw someone near them doing exactly what they were doing, but the suspicion soon faded, at least for those who were either realistic or too busy. Still others saw, a mere foot from them, five other people doing exactly what they were doing. A mere foot from them, but either blown off as a coincidence or, the more observant or more imaginative, went home and researched existentialismandQuantumPhysicsandChanceandtheUniverse on their computers all night or just constructed loose conspiracy theories without information, embroidering their white-wAshed walls with cut-out sheets of newspaper excerpts and ominous descriptions of dreams. Of course, some people were doing more than one thing simultaneously-there were those individuals who walked down that analogoUs street with the other billion, scRatcHed their palm with the 423 million, and burped with the 219 million; these people nor any of the ones involved were not singled out through any divine consensus on their fates in the afterlife, nor was there any sort of otherworldly curse on them, nor was there any personal bond or similitude between these characters and the anomaly to which they unknowingly contributed. The fact of the matter is that the creative apTitude of the Universe is Lacking, and, so is one’s luck, if the luck that one was talking about were based on the hopes of any truly cOnstant addition of change to Worldly or Otherworldly vessels, VEssels? Such as humans on the earth. Such as, the Earth itself; Earth has been weAving her parts together into time, her own little expanding hammock, feeding newness into the strings before the strings have a chance to slow down-you could say that, quite literally, when humans act on something humans are dashing after TIme. And then almost every action, normalandbizarreandfrightening-and-mundane, now suddenly and together finally weaving it all in with Time’s perfidious outcropping, a treacherous outcropping of Universal Time, which promises oh it promises always to repeat itself and almost gets caught in a loop of itself and this time, does, as I have told you…now no, we cannot expect to be forever inventing new things so as to keep our hammock, without some day fearing the knowledge that this balance this, frequently diverse triangulation between Time, according to the universe, time according to Earth, and the buoyant belt between individual actions and reactions in people, and the reactions of that, and the reactions of that, and so on, fearing that one day, after what happened already, everyone repeating similar processes, people may fear that everything will change and Earth will remain in a purgatory of repetition or fast forward or stop or maybe, it will go backwards. And never stop. What I’m not talking about is time travel, or at least any sort of time travel that could be restrained within the doodling of a logarithm or an equation or postulate.

These people on this World didn’t fully realize the prestidigitations of our universe. But a fear for the apocalypse is something that settles in your head like a deranged cephalopod. There is fear. There is fear That one day, the universe one day will burn all down the climates of our blood and make the skies go prostrate with our ground, like a dropped pane of glass, and the ground with nothing, at all, and all of it winnowing into the braids of the hammock but not quite getting the hang of it-and the immobile hammock yet stretching filter of Universal time; actions, reactions, human dictums-turned-dichotomies by the strange happening on which this story is based; laws of perception, which postulate firmly that every moment is fully independent of every other moment and that each winnowing moment is but the smallest vapor of many moments within. That we live in a world of small differences and big differences, with no room for the equanimity that could be gained by an utterly perfect shift in time that most definitely coincides uniformly with a shift in the universe. A pause in the pulse of God. All this complexity is mainly attributed to its immensity, The Universe’s immensity compared to Earth-which creates problems by making the whole damn thing more complex than it has to be, for every planet, every star, every comet, every asteroid, requires a different blueprint from the Universe. This, in turn, paradoxically, simplifies the numbers involved by causing an error to occur. The Universe could not pair up its hammock with ours without causing some damage. Again, this is mainly attributed to its immensity, the universe’s.

A part of it, however, comes from the fact that of course the logic of the Universe could not be directly translated into humanoid logic, which is the logic of balancing flaws and differences, while the Universe’s only known logic is the creation of balance and energy itself out of destruction. Which makes no sense.

But the point is that there will always be a nevertheless needed grain of nonsense in every function of the Universe; down to the atom there will be causes without explained effects. Effects which themselves will start a cause. There will be knots in the system.

Ah look, I contradict myself and tell you that there are wrinkles in the Bedsheet, when I said before that this whole thing was an example of perfection, of the Universe harmonizing with the random consequence of the World-the Universe is like that, I suppose; perfect and imperfect, constantly veering away from the latest definition of itself.

However, this is all assuming that what took place at 12:43:00 was a matter of Universal meddling…and not just mere chance gone mad.

Just then, after a few minutes of all this, on the block across from the traffic oh-so-smooth, at 12:47:00, a man walking alone, was seemingly crushed to a pulp by nothing.

“What is this? Homicide?

Suicide?” The special detective said.

He wore a gabardine suit whose buttons were naturally organized straight downwards. If the suit followed the rules of the Universe at that point, objectively, and in terms of an extreme microcosm, the buttons would be placed possibly, on the slack cheeks of the detective. Or maybe a few on his stuffed pink hands, or maybe a few twirling on the ground. Or maybe a few, on the area, around his crotch.

“What the Hell is this?” 
The special detective arched over the already deteriorating mesh of muscles and bones and flesh of the man embedded into the sidewalk, not even a bit of pinky finger. Just a glob, he would be identified hours later by a sample of his DNA, because no one could rightly call the bloody mass human, without feeling a sense of nausea.

I woke up with some sort of euphoria lying on my back in my bed it was like I was already moving somewhere, and when my nerves woke up more I realized I felt like I was moving downwards slightly. Like I was drunk, but instead of the body being pulled in all of the directions it can be pulled possibly in directions that eventually will lead you to the first toilet or garbage can you can find-the unruly requisite of my body was to go only downwards towards my toes and feet, and my feet, downwards to the floor, and the floor still down to the lobby then the basement of my building, then on to increasingly profounder terrain until finally all Earthly ideas of where I would stop moving downwards were no longer Earthly but metaphysical, and I rightly dismissed the whole sensation to mere tired limbs, I got out of bed, I scratched a nest of dandruff at the top of my head, I did not feel my feet on the floor but they were somewhere further, dripping somewhere groundless. Mere tired limbs. As I made another step I found that my legs felt no sensation of weight beneath them. I walked what looked like two more steps and stopped. Walking felt useless, it felt like I was bicycling the air with my legs-but I could still walk from one location to another with little trouble; and I look down, and I see my two feet clear as day, clearly against the ground, clearly against some hard substance, and they feel like different feet and different legs-maybe I lost the feeling in my legs? Maybe I have cancer. I always knew I’d get it in my thirties-But then why does my whole body feel this way; cancer everywhere? I felt weightless, but oh this was the worst the dropping feeling literally hacking out of my chest a brown monster with a meat cleaver grabbing my face and rubbing me in it’s own face, and the heightened sensitivity of one’s ass and one’s crotch, associated with a downward pull of gravity, maybe I’m just horny today? Then I think that, I haven’t been horny in years. 
Minutes later, rubbing the texture of the holes on the receiver in a wicker chair:

“I feel like I’m falling,” The wicker chair snapping casually, shifting his weight.

“Oh, just go to work, and, get your momentum going and keep it going, and you’ll be fine.”

“I said to you that I feel like I’m falling,” I said this and scaled my words with passive desperation. Just so that, annoying voice of hers would whittle down the edges of her wooden consonants, a bit; so that she would calm down enough to pity me. She used wooden verbs, too. Pity me a little?

“We’ve all felt that way, bro. Buy a fifth of bourbon after five and go out on your terrace-thing and smoke cigarettes and drink. And do that stuff with your hair you do-”
“Yeah the whole fucking finger thing with my curls listen-”

“Ok, ok, Pletters, my brother-you DO sound uptigggg gggght. Ight. HAH! Uppity uppity uppity. If you’re going to be melodramatic about a little morning blues, then how the Hell do you expect to be able to make it in the World? Plet-machine?”

“Sarcot, it’s different this time, Sarcot, its physical. A physical thing; as I talk to you it’s as though I should be plummeting through the floor-I’m amazed I still have this phone in my hand, dammit!-”

He looked to his right, then left, then he looked up and down-some Miles Davis records that got soaked in the rain, piled into a cardboard box festooned with old newspaper, and other records if you wanted to know but-and on a dusty bookshelf and then he jumped up and down and he spoke rather lowly, as though not wanting to disturb the spirits responsible:

“Sarcot, I like my house. My records. Will you have my records I’m surprised I’m not in the pits of Hell right now I’m flying so fast.”

“Flying? So you’re stoned? And I hate Chubby CHecker ”
Pletne snorted. It was a snort like a pig, and then a grey fetus from his mouth aborting onto the floor in front of him.

“Maybe I took some downers and that’s why I feel like I’m falling?” 
“Don’t be facetious. Were you on drugs man? I need drugs. But of course, bad boy if you used them!”

“-Dudette, that was a horrible joke about downers,” Pletne began losing control of his words. He felt the sinking feeling again, pressing down harder, or more, he was falling even faster: “I’m sorry. Horrible Joke at eight in the morning, courtesy of Su hombre viejo, Pletne Residens…this phone should be 70 feet above me by now,” He laughs, and he laughs one conjures the image of a little plastic ball, trapped inside some metal doohickey that has a lever to turn up and down and it makes the ball ricochet around the doohickey, boing, boing, boing,

“I have no idea what you are saying, Pletne REsidenso? Make me feel a little more worried and I’ll come up and get you.”

���The phone lying idle upon the receiver. Me, Seventy Feet Down eighty feet ninety feet and no magic pot to piss in no, like, Lucky Charms or something, and my hands reaching, ever reaching away from the darkness up! God dammit I could go for some Lucky Charms-”

“Sorry-on my cell phone it’s harder to make out metaphor-cut the shit, for crying out loud it’s so too early for me to understand your connection between falling through a void and breakfast cereal-”
“I’m telling you again. I’m telling you that eventually I’m…well I’m gonta hit the ground. Soon. Some ground. Some-wherever I end up splattering-”

“Jesus you’re not making any sense. It’s it’s it’s it’s I don’t have the energy, Pletne. It’s the energy you lose when a sister is…” She hears hard breathing on the other side. A loud thump. Pletne says:

“OUR FATHER WHO ART IN HEAVEN ahhh HALLOWED BE THY NAME THY KINGDOM, THE KINGDOM, COME? THY WILL BE…DONE ahhhh how does it go AS EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN how does GIVE US THIS DAY OUR DAILY BREAD AND FORGIVE uhhhhhh FORGIVE uhhhhhhhhh FORGIVE I DON’T FUCKING KNOW ITS Jesus! WHO SHOULD BE TALKING TO ME ABOUT THIS METAPHYSICAL CRISIS I’m having-”

“HEy.”

“I’D BE VERY THANKFUL-”

“Hey needLe DicK?”

“I’D BE VERY THANKFUL-”

“Stop yelling bro.”

“Just to have my tWo feet dangling around. That’s all. Just for some support,” He laughs.

As though pulled from underneath, Pletne’s feet fell to the floor and he grabbed onto the desk he was sitting at, making sure to keep his chin balanced with the phone so as not to lose her sangfroid apathy to bad reception-cold witch, he thought.

“DAmn you, cold witch!” Aptly said instead lets say spat through teeth by Pletne, as he struggled to gain leeway between his perspiring arms and the endless ghostly bluff . His arms had a lot of hair. His arms really had too much hair.

“‘My hand reaching, ever reaching away from the darkness’ what crap. I have a headache. I wish I had a love ache. This is like, your saying you’re going to kill yourself…? Spouting pseudo-ominous fodder for Peter Jackson you sound like some hoarse-voiced narrator-like Lord of the Rings stuff.”

“You heard what I said and I’m I’ll say it again say something again at least, I AM, VERY LITERALLY, falling, even though I’m standing right here,”

Things paused, strangely, Sarcot and I sighed at the same time-‘SHE
NEVER QUITE

UNDERSTOOD’-this frustrating thought had been long thriving in my head and I moved the thought from hand to hand like putty and squeezed it, like putty. But I would show her this time.
I would show her this time I would horde my thoughts into an eloquent and searing thesis, I would move the minx to cry, and I would sting the wench with my superb reasoning and I would say…:
“I-you know-I think…I’m not really-”
“Go to your job, Pletters; it’s only so intense because it’s happening to you. If it were someone else who got into these funks, you would be saying the same thing to them that I am to you. You know it. Snap out of it, on your feet, chop chop and lets go Mets
It’s all a matter of individual interpretation.”

“You never take me seriously, Sarcot.”

“Because, you never devote yourself to feeling sad. What happens, and will happen, is that I call you later and you’re always fine again. But then you dip again and it’s this annoying process of dipping and leveling and cresting and dipping…”
“That sounds oddly sexual to me.” She hung up the phone. I shouldn’t have been a smartass like that. I suppose.

[herocious]

Rise and Fall

by herocious

Security guard in parking lot

I hope Dana didn't think I was being too--how do you say?--intrusive. I mean, I just think she would be a good woman to have on the cover of my next CD, you know, she has a good enough face and body so that her picture would attract a lot of attention to my new release and get people to buy it.

The truth is that she should be honored that I asked her to do this for me because it's not like I asked her to pose topless or anything, right? Well, maybe Dana doesn't feel so honored just yet since she hasn't heard what my music sounds like, but I gave her my last CD to listen to just now. Once she pops that into her radio she'll know the talent she's dealing with. I'm The Legend.

Apt. 119

The pasta is cooking. Usually I stand over the pot and watch it boil, but not this time. The apartment is empty of noise, empty of people. Only one light is on; the light I'm using. I'm writing under this light. Outside it's dark. Cars are passing, their tires making smooth streaking sounds as they roll.

Apt. 219

Ah yes, I love watching television. Mike doesn't like it so much though. He'd prefer to sleep, read, or make love. I think it's in that order, too. But me, I like watching television before I fall asleep. Mike always tells me to turn down the volume. I don't know why he tells me to do this; he has no right to since it's my damn television--I bought it with my own damn money--but still I do him the favor and turn it down. Not because I'm submissive, but because I'm kind.

Apt. 319

Shit I have a big dog. He's taking up my whole damn bed, but I don't complain; he's been a good dog so far. Hey, funny I haven't named him yet even though I've had him for a coupla days. You know, I don't think there's really any use in naming him though because when I want to get his attention I just look into his eyes and whistle or clap and he wags his tail and nods his head up and down and walks on over to me just fine.

Wait a sec, what's that smell. Yep, that's definitely a fart, but it wasn't me. Oh shit, the dog did it! Damn that stinks.

Apt. 41

-But I didn't sleep with her! -You didn't, huh? Well, I don't believe you. -Jesus, Vicky, what do I have to do to make you believe me? -How `bout showing me some lovin' for starters. Also, I'd like to know where the hell you go off in the middle of the night for Christ's sake. -Nowhere, and I'll prove it to you. It's the middle of the night right now and look where I am--right here with you! -You sound like I should be grateful for that. -Look, I promise that I didn't sleep with her, Vicky. You have to believe me. I've been interviewing her for my job and she's only free on weeknights, that's all. -Whatever. Are you attracted to me anymore? -What kind of question is that? Of course I'm attracted to you. -Then why are we talking instead of fucking? -Beats me.

Apt. 519

Where are my teeth? I need to eat some chocolate before I go to bed. I know I put them on my nightstand, but where are they now? God I'm getting old. I miss Harry. He'd know where my teeth are, I know he would. He always knew where I put my teeth. I remember one time I left them under my pillow, only God knows how they got there, and he found them for me as if it wasn't strange that they were there in the first place. And another time they were in the refrigerator, right next to my box of chocolates. Lord knows what they were doing in there. Surely I didn't take them out to eat my chocolates; then how would I chew? Still, Harry found them for me. He simply went straight to the refrigerator, opened the door, and came back to the bedroom with my teeth--bless his heart.

Apt. 619

-L-A-Z-E, laze -What! That's not a word. -Sure it is. -I don't believe you. -You want to challenge me then? -Laze? What does it mean? -Like `he sat in a laze.' You know, it's like a weird funk, sort of like daze except with some laziness added to it. > -I still don't believe you. -Then challenge me. -No, forget it. How much is it? -Well, I got a triple word score, and a double letter, too. So 14 times 3 is ... 42. -42! Damn, that better be a word. -It is, I promise.

Apt. 719

(Ringing telephone.)

-Hello? -Hi, it's me, could you buzz open the gate? -All right, baby.

(Fifteen minutes later.)

-Hey Dana, sorry if I woke you? -No baby, it's no problem; you know I get home from work `round this time. I was just watching some television. -Really? I don't hear anything. -That's `cuz I have the volume down low. Hey, what took you so long to get here? It's not like I live that far away from the guest parking or anything. -Yeah, I figured you'd be asking that. I ran into your security guard driving around in his golf cart--it always cracks me up when I see him roving the prop. -And? -Well, I stopped and talked with him for a little while. Then I remembered that I had some beer in the trunk, and, you know how I've always thought that he looks so lonely out there waving at every resident as they pass by him in their car, so I offered him a bottle in return for a ride around the premises on his golf cart. -Really! Did he give one? -Sure he did. And you should've heard all the funny stories he has about some of the residents in this building. That guy's pretty cool, you know. -I don't know about that. I think he's a little strange. Before I came in tonight he drove up alongside me in the parking lot and asked if ... you will never guess. -What? -He asked me if I wanted to be on the cover of his new CD. -What! Your security guard is a musician. -It's news to me, too. He said I have a face that's `naturally photogenic.' -Hmm... -Then he gave me one of his CD's for free to listen to and told me that if I respected the music, which he was sure I would, then maybe I would actually want to be on his next cover. -Wow, you're a model now. -Hardly. So, why did you decide to show up tonight? This is a surprise. (Silence. Sudden change of mood.) -Oh well, look, I'm sorry to, uh, have bothered you so late, Dana, but I really feel like we need to talk. -Uh-oh, this sounds serious. -It is. -Well, what is it? -I've been thinking a lot about us, and, well, I think we need some time apart. -Time apart? -Yeah. < -Um okay, if that's what you want, baby. -You're fine about it then? -Yeah. - Do you at least want to know why? -No, not really. I know you have your reasons, all men do. -You sure you're fine about this? -Yeah, of course. -Okay. Well uh, I'll see you later then? -Bye.

(Dana closes door softly, goes back into bedroom, and turns up volume on television. Then she cries, and, in between each sob, curses his name.)

Apt. 619

-C-R-O-C, croc -Croc? That's not a word. -Sure it is. You know, like short for crocodile. -Well, I don't think it's a word, but I'll let you have it since you let me have laze. -Ah-hah! So laze isn't a word. -It is a word. -Then why are you giving me croc. -Because I love you. How many did you get? -24. -Ugh, I can't believe you. -Yeah well, it's not 42.

Apt. 519

There you are. How did you get in there? In my hair of all places! I must've put them up there by accident. But why in the world would I put them in my hair? There's no reason. I wonder if Harry would've found them there. Of course he would've. He would've seen them in my hair and reached out and grabbed them. Or maybe he would've left them there just for laughs.

He sure got a good laugh every now and then by doing stupid things like that. Sometimes he'd pretend like he couldn't hear and make me yell the same thing over and over again and all he'd do is scratch his ears if he did anything at all, and I'd keep on yelling as I walked closer to him. Then he'd look at me, and in the softest voice he'd say, `I hear ya, sweetheart.' Then he'd laugh a little.

Yes, on second thought, he probably would've left my teeth where they were just so he could get a laugh. He'd say, `Where could they be? I've checked everywhere. Do you remember where you last saw them, sweetheart?' And I'd answer all his questions with my teeth in my hair. Dear Lord, I'm getting old.

-Oh I miss you, Harry. I sure do.

Apt. 419

-So let's fuck. -And after thinking I slept with someone else--man, you're serious, aren't you Vicky? -Do you want me to answer that? Now come on into the bedroom! I got the candles lit for us and everything. -Uh-huh, and I see that you've also changed into my favorite lingerie there, didn't you? -Just for you. Damn, I'm gonna give it to her real good this time. Sometimes I just lie there and let her do all the work, but not this time--huh-uh. I'm gonna give it to her just how she likes it and once she gets off she'll forget all about that other woman.

Apt. 319

Maybe I should give him a name ... yeah, I better. Besides, what'll I do when I walk him and someone says, "Nice dog. What's his name?" It'd seem sorta weird if I said, "Well, he doesn't have one." But then again, that wouldn't be so bad if it was a hot girl asking me because then I'd have an excuse to talk with her. But otherwise ...

All right, here's what I'll do, I'll give him a name, but if a hot girl asks me about him I'll say that he doesn't have one, and then we'll have to talk some until I get her number; I'll be the `different guy' with the nameless dog. Yeah, that sounds good. So what should I name him? How `bout . . . hell, I don't know.

Wait, I got it! Pimp. I'll name him Pimp.

-What do you think about that Pimp? Huh, Pimp? Are you a good boy, Pimp? Yeah, Pimp's a good boy, isn't he? Pimp and I are going to go walking tomorrow around the track, aren't we, Pimp? You like being walked, huh, don't you, Pimp?

Apt. 219

Maybe I'm too kind. The only thing Mike does all day is sit on his ass while I work. When I leave in the morning he's sleeping. When I come back in the evening he's waking up from a nap. He usually doesn't like admitting this, but I can tell from his messed up hair and wrinkled cheeks. Then he never fails to ask me to cook dinner. The nerve of him. I usually think about spitting in his face right about then, but then he acts all nice, and all I can do is be kind and cook.

Oh no, there he goes snoring again. Man, he snores loud. I'm gonna turn up the volume just to piss him off. There, I hope he wakes up and can't fall back asleep. I wonder what he'd do then, maybe slap me. Shit, if he did that I wouldn't even think about spitting in his face, I would just tell him to get out. This is my fucking apartment, you fucking bum. That's what I'd say.

Wake up! Is that loud enough for you? Wake up, you snoring bum! I hope you can't sleep. I hope you have bad dreams and wake up and feel terrible because guess what ... I'm not as kind as you think I am. I can be a real bitch sometimes. You just watch. From now on things are going to be different around here. No more cooking; no more keeping the volume down low; no more days spent sleeping while I work my tail off. Things are going to be different around here starting right now I tell you. Bum!

-Gosh honey, could you please turn that down? Thanks.

But I'm just so damn kind.

Apt. 119

Smooth streaking sounds as they roll ... their tires making smooth streaking sounds as they roll ... and then what? Where are the cars going after the sounds stop? Passed my apartment and then where after that? Damn it! There's a great story where they're going; I'm sure of it. But where exactly are they going?

Ah hell, forget about writing something--I got my whole life for that. And the pasta's probably done by now anyway.

Security guard in parking lot

That beer sure was good ... you know, it'd be nice if that guy could give me another. Hey, that's right, I've seen him `round here lately; always parks in the guest lot. Maybe I'll drive up alongside him when he comes back--if he does--and politely ask for another. But I wonder if he was going to see Dana. Wait, I think I remember seeing those two a little tipsy together the other night ... nah--doubt it was the same guy. She's way too much woman for him, gonna be on the cover of The Legend's new CD--I'm sure of it.

Originally appeared in Whistling Shade