#Hence like...house elves

[hollowed-theory-hall]

What does the sorting hat consider to put someone in a house? Like we know it considers their wish but what else? Some theories say that it puts them according to what they value, like Hermione valued bravery more than intelligence and hence gryffindor.

What's your take on it?

I think it's a combination of a few things. It's your traits, values, aspirations, wants (but not in the way most think), and motivations. It's kind of all mixed up together into a sorting.

Like, I think house sorting is just a more complex decision than just traits, so everyone has at least some attributes that fit other houses.

Because of that, usually when I sort characters from other media, I say shit like "Gryffindor with Hufflepuff tendencies" for characters who are Gryffindors, but have certain Hufflepuff traits and behaviors. Or I say "Slytherin with Ravenclaw as the runner-up" for characters who are Slytherins but could also fit in Ravenclaw, and there is one specific character aspect that gives Slytherin the edge.

As I mentioned, I think the sorting hat takes a lot of things into account together, and since we're not a magical sentient hat, I have a small list of the sort of questions I usually ask to get to what I believe a character's core characteristics and values are — and therefore, the sorting the hat would give them.

We'll use the Golden Trio for this example as while they're all Gryffindors, they are not Gryffindors for the same reasons.

Now, traits, are something situational. The same person could behave very differently under different circumstances. Becouse of that, I don't find looking at a list of traits useful to get the actual core traits of a character (which I think is one of the things that goes into sorting). So, instead, I ask questions about character traits under specific circumstances. I find these sorts of questions help get down to the core traits and values that make a character better.

(Also, there are certain traits that fit more than one house. Like determination, which is both Slytherin and Gryffindor, depending on context. Or loyalty, which is both Gryffindor and Hufflepuff, depending on context (but can also be Slytherin under some circomstances). Or cleverness, which is both Ravenclaw and Slytherin, depending on context. It's all about how the trait is applied in a given situation, hence why I like my method of thinking about sorting)

1. Problem Solving - what is the go-to method of said character to solve problems in a situation that isn't a life-and-death threat. Both without a time limit and on a time crunch.

And we'll look at our trio:

Harry's go-to is lying and cunning. He lies to Peeves when he catches him he lies to McGonagall when she catches him, he tricks Ron into thinking he drank Felix Felicis, etc. Harry is very cunning and when he needs to problem solve when the threat of death isn't looming over him, even under a time crunch. Harry's response when standing up to defend his friends from Malfoy, is usually all witty remarks and sassy comebacks. When Umbridge forces him to use a blood quill, Harry is too prideful (and spitefull) to show her pain, because that would be losing and her getting what she wants, so he responds by acting indifferent. So for this category, Harry gets two points for Slytherin.

Hermione is interesting in the problem-solving category, when she has time, she likes to plan ahead and research. When Buckpeak is put on trial or she decides she wants to free House Elves, her first stop is the library for research. Hermione comes up with clever magical solutions she researches and then executes like with the D.A. coins and D.A. names scroll jinx. Or she plans schemes of blackmail ahead of time. All this gives a point to Ravenclaw. Her tendency towards blackmail and cheating though, should be noted as a Slytherin point.

However, we see Hermione problem-solving in another way. The Rita Skeeter example. While Rita's threat isn't life-and-death and therefore counted in this category, Hermione had to act on a time crunch. Harry, when put on a time limit, still solves problems with cunning, but Hermione, on a time limit, can't do her usual planning and research, there's no time. So when Hermione needs to solve something fast, she becomes reckless, impulsive, and tends to take big risks. Capturing Rita in a jar is an example of Hermione seeing a chance to deal with Rita and impulsively taking it without thinking ahead much. So Hermione also gets a point to Gryffindor in this category.

Ron's problem-solving methods, when he offers them, are efficient and pragmatic. He's a chess player, and if he has a moment to consider it, he'd come up with a practical, effective, and not necessarily moral solution giving Ron a point toward Slytherin.

Ron also gets a point toward Gryffindor in this category though. The reason is that he often doesn't offer cunning solutions but instead acts immediately without thinking, especially when it comes to defending people he cares about (even when the threat isn't life-threatening). So, while he has the capacity for cunning, he more often than not, doesn't employ it, especially under a time crunch.

2. Problem-solving under threat of death - when the situation gets really dangerous, how do they deal with it?

Luckily, we get plenty of examples with our trio:

Harry here gets points for two houses like Hermione in the last section. In the DoM and even in the Graveyard, Harry is always trying to plan. Trying to find a clever way to get out and to escape. He keeps Lucius talking in the ministry to buy him time to think of a plan. All in all, very Slytherin of him.

But Harry has another thing he does under immense threat, and that's stand up and fight. His resilience is one of his most defining character traits. His ability to stand after being tortured and shout at the Dark Lord that he will not bow. Yes, there's some Slytherin pride there, but it is an act of courage, which gives him a point towards Gryffindor.

Hermione is simpler in this category. When shit is dangerous, she gets brave and impulsive. In OotP, when Umbridge is about to torture Harry, Hermione leads her to Gwamp. It wasn't because she knew what she was doing. She didn't plan it through at all. She just wanted to make sure Harry won't get hurt. She set Snape's robes on fire in first year for the same reason. It was the first thing that came to her mind. Hence, why she gets Gryffindor in this category.

Ron, is also a Gryffindor when shit hits the fan. He is ready to throw himself in front of Bellatrix and Aragog if it means saving Hermione. He stands up on a broken leg to face who he thinks is a crazy murderer who's after Harry. Ron is incredibly brave and impulsive when in danger, giving a point to Gryffindor.

3. What they aspire for - what do they want to accomplish for themselves. Be I an ambition towards a job or something they want to just be better at.

Harry's aspirations are very simple. He wants to be normal, well-liked, but not important. And hopefully, live to adulthood. He wants to be just Harry. He wants to have friends and be safe - all very much Hufflepuff aspirations. He doesn't seek glory the way of a Gryffindor or a Slytherin, so he's getting this point to Hufflepuff.

Hermione's aspirations are more glory-seeking. She wants to be the best at things. She wants to be known as the smartest in the room. Even when it comes to freeing house elves, yes, she feels compassion for them, but she also wants everyone to know she's compassionate. Which pushes her towards Gryffindor and Slytherin. I see her as more of a Gryffindor in this category due to her aspirations being two-fold and motivated by both glory and righteousness.

Ron is a Slytherin when it comes to personal aspirations. He wants personal success and personal glory without any of the righteous veneers Hermione has. He wants to carve a place for himself to feel special and unique and better. We see this in the mirror of Erised in 1st year and in his fits of jealousy throughout the books.

4. Motivations - why do they do the things they do? What gets them up in the morning?

Harry does things out of a sense of duty and responsibility. He saves people because he feels responsible for it. He feels that if he doesn't do it, no one else will. This sense of duty and responsibility is a chivalrous trait and places Harry solidly in Gryffindor for this category.

Hermione does things due to her strong sense of justice. Hermione likes it when things are right and just. This pushes her to either Gryffindor or Hufflepuff. In Hermione’s case, though, I'd say it's more a Gryffindor's sense of righteousness and justice rather than a Hufflepuff one due to her not being necessarily interested in "fairness". (She does cheat quite a bit if it's towards a goal she thinks is just. Even if it's just getting Ron on the Quidditch team).

Ron does things out of a sense of loyalty. He isn't going to help someone he doesn't care about, but for the people he does care for, he'd move heaven and earth. This, to me, gives him a point towards Slytherin. Becouse this kind of loyalty that is selective and very unconcerned for people outside the group he's loyal to, is a Slytherin kind of loyalty.

5. Defining trait - if you need to choose one trait to define them, what would it be?

Harry - Resilience. His force of will, ability to survive, and strength to keep going are Harry's most defining traits. This is a Gryffindor trait, giving the lion's house another point.

Hermione - Determination. Hermione does what she thinks is best to achieve her goals. If she needed to study, she'd study, she'd act, she'd do it. But she won't do anything. Hermione, as I mentioned, has a strong sense of justice, and while she can be very feral, I can't see her being willing to kill if there's another way. She is very convinced of her morals, which pushes this determination towards a point for Gryffindor and not Slytherin.

Ron - Loyalty. Ron’s motivations are usually ones of loyalty. His most defining moments are standing up for his friends, and defending Harry, Hermione, and his family to his dying breath if he has to. which is a point for either Gryffindor or Hufflepuff. Since Ron's sort of loyalty is, as I said, one that often manifests in protectiveness and disregard for his own safety, I'll give this point to Gryffindor.

6. Valued trait - if they had to pick their favorite trait about themselves, what would they pick?

Harry doesn't really have a favorite trait of his that is his. This is the kid that when Barty/Moody asked him what his strengths are, he said he didn't have any. Harry is way too humble. He has no idea how special, talented, and capable he actually is. This tendency to undersell himself and underestimate himself is one I associate with Hufflepuff.

Hermione, I think, appreciates her bravery more than her intelligence. Yes, she's smart, and she's good at memorizing books, but it isn't what she values most about herself. She doesn't really see it as something noteworthy the way characters in Ravenclaw (like Terry Boot) see it. So, she gets another point to Gryffindor.

Ron, like Harry, has a lot of insecurities (many unwarranted). But Ron does know he has strengths. He knows he's good at chess. He knows he's good at strategy even if he thinks very lowly of himself in other aspects. Which gives him another Slytherin point.

7. Values - what traits do they completely despise in others? What traits do they appreciate in others?

Harry despises authority figures. He chafes under people, telling him what to do. He hates going by the book. He hates bullies who lord themselves over others because they think they're better or know better, and figures like Fudge, Umbridge, and Scrimgoure are just bullies to him. This gives him a point toward Gryffindor.

He appreciates a lot of traits in others, actually. But I'll say he appreciates honesty and friendship more than other things. Someone willing to stand in his corner is what Harry wants the most. So, this gives him another point for Hufflepuff.

Hermione despises unjust people. People who abuse their power, people who are cruel for no reason. People who tell lies for their own personal gain. Which gives a point toward Gryffindor.

In terms of what she appreciates, she appreciates intelligence and competence in authority figures, such as Dumbledore or Lupin. But she also really looks up to Harry's courage, intuition, and righteousness and often sees that as more important. So I give her a point toward Gryffindor.

Ron hates stuck-ups and pretentiousness. We see it a lot, both with Percy, and Hermione in first year. One of the things that makes him like Harry instantly on the train is seeing this super famous, rich kid, who is completely down to earth and normal. This gives Ron a point toward Hufflepuff.

In terms of what he appreciates in others, Ron is repeatedly impressed with Hermione's intelligence and tendency to plan ahead, more than she is for sure. But I think Ron appreciates Hermione's impulsive acts of bravery more. I think Ron really does appreciate bravery, courage, and risk-taking. So I'd give him one point to Ravenclaw and one point to Gryffindor.

8. And finally, which house do they want?

Now, I actually have a bit of an uncommon idea of how this question works. You see, I don't think the hat always listens to what a student wants. I think what a student thinks they want and why just says a lot about their values. In Harry's case, it illustrated that his values align with Gryffindor, but it isn't always the case, and I don't think every student gets what they want in terms of sorting. (Case and point, Neville, who was scared of Gryffindor's reputation and asked not to be there and still got Gryffindor).

Harry asked not to be in Slytherin, he didn't ask to be in Gryffindor. He asked not to be in Slytherin because all he knew of the house was that it was the house of Voldemort and dark wizards and bullies like Draco. Harry's choice of not Slytherin was Harry desperately not wanting to think of himself as evil. It's not what the house stands for, but that's what Harry's request was about. Him asking: "not Slytherin" for the reasons he did, is Harry asking: "let me be good enough". This pushes him towards either Hufflepuff or Gryffindor. Except, a Hufflepuff I think wouldn't have asked in this way, before the hat made any indication toward Slytherin, and therefore it is a point to Gryffindor.

Hermione was told Gryffindor is the best. She comes to Hogwarts thinking Gryffindor is where all the heroes and best wizards are at, and she wants to be that. As I mentioned, Hermione does seek personal glory in the aid of others. She wants to be heroic and brave and a savior. This reasoning to ask for Gryffindor is a Gryffindor reasoning, but it's also a Slytherin one. So I gave her points for both.

Ron's entire immediate family are Gryffindors, and he's desperate to fit in with them and not be lesser. He probably begged the hat to be on Gryffindor. Which, actually, is a Gryffindor move. Again, this desire to be more is one that pushes him towards Gryffindor and Slytherin. But when you add to that him begging (something typical Slytherin pride wouldn't allow), it is a Gryffindor point.

Tallying up the score

Harry: G - 5, S - 4, H - 3, R - 0

Hermione: G - 9, S - 2, H - 0, R - 1

Ron: G - 6, S - 4, H - 1, R - 1

With this, I'd call Harry a "Gryffindor with a Slytherin runner-up", Hermione a "true Gryffindor", and Ron a "Gryffindor with Slytherin tendencies".

What I like about this, is that even though I had very different answers for each and a different amount of points per question depending on multiple variables — they are still all Gryffindors. And I really do consider Hermione the "truest Gryffindor" in the trio, so, it didn't really surprise me.

I will note that sometimes I don't really need all these questions, and sometimes I add more questions if I feel I didn't really get to the bottom of a character, but the above 8 questions usually lead me to when thinking about sorting since they tend to get to a person's house well, I think. Like, these are the sorts of questions I think are better to ask than to just look at a list of traits. I think these questions are closer to what the hat is looking for when it comes to sorting too.

[local-unintelligible-shifter]

Some World building changes to your Hogwarts DR if you want because what the fuck Joanne

(I don't know if i'm ever going to go through with making a script beyond world building, this is all from a hypothetical script that may or may not ever have any other work done)

Magic Schools: Okay so the cannon magical school distribution is wierd. How it works in my dr is that there are major magical schools like Hogwarts which take students from mostly close by countries with similar languages and is kinda like a melting pot for culture and learning (excluding countries that are massive or have a very high population though those are in central points in the nation and students who live in certain areas can still attend other nearby large magical schools if they want, think of school zones basically but it goes across countries) and then there are the "regular" magic schools, basically muggle schools but magical, theyre smaller obviously, theres more of them and theyre more tailored to the specific region culture magic wise and has a better oppertunity to get more indepth with the culture then major schools that normally take students from diffrent countries and hence cover multiple cultures (magical practice wise). - The oldest magical school is in China and isn't Hogwarts because why the fuck would it be hogwarts going off the history of education - Students get a basic non magical education beyond what they learn in whatever theyre previous schooling was, what they learn depends on the school but they definally continue math, science, language, geography and history, not just of the magical world

The fucking names: Seriously what kind of name is Cho Chang and who names their kid Wolf Wolf? I didn't script all the name changes and that my subconcious would come up with actual names. Some examples is that Remus still Reumus but has a diffrent surname and The Fat Lady (seriously why the fuck is she just 'the fat lady'?) is now Catherine

House elves: Why the fuck are there slaves? I removed house elves, theyre just Brownies which is what theyre based off, TLDR for those who arent familiar with Brownies, theyre a type of fae and household spirit that lives in a home and helps with housekeeping like cleaning, but in return they are to be given a portion of each meal, a seat by the fireplace and a place in the family. If they see the food and drink as payment they will get offended and leave, if you mistreat them they will get offended and leave, if you speak of theyre work they will get upset, if you give them clothes thats you basically saying to them that you don't think theyre clothing is adequate, get offended and leave. There is also a chance that instead of leaving they will become a boggart and terrorise the home. Some wizarding families do have brownies but they are as I said earlier, part of the family, they do not put up with any disrespect or mistreatment. Also theyre aren't any Brownies working at hogwarts, all the food is made with magic

More diversety: Enough said. Not just skin colour (even though we all know its depratly needed) but also cultural backrounds, gender, sexuality, religion, spirituality, ect

Spells: For the sake of Latin being one of the Ancestors to English there will be some spells in Latin at hogwarts but theyre relitavly new since Latin isn't that old of a language all things concidered. The spells learned depend on regions, lots of diffrent cultures have spells for similar or the same things but worded or performed diffrently. The really old spells (at least the ones taught at hogwarts specifically) are in Proto-Germanic, Old Gaelic, Old Norse and Old French due to the evolution of Britan as a country and it's history and the English language. Other anceint spells are taught and studied as a form of studying history

[youaintnothinbuta]

“What are you doing up, little lady?” — Elvis Presley x reader

Summary: you and dad!Elvis have a close call, your daughter almost coming downstairs on Christmas Eve to see her parents putting presents under the tree. More domestic elvis for you cos it’s just so healing

Pairing: Elvis or Austin!Elvis x mom!reader

Word count: 661

Warnings: fluff! Dad!Elvis being all domestic <3 probs typos sorry I’m tireddd

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

The house had been buzzing with excitement all day, lots of family and friends coming in and out, visits from carollers and elves and cooking baking and everything else that comes along with Christmas time. Your daughter was 5 now and so she definitely understood that all the fuss meant Father Christmas was finally going to visit that night, hence it was a task and a half trying to get her to sleep. By the time it got to midnight, you and Elvis were very certain she was well asleep. You got busy putting all the presents under the tree and doing any last minute wrapping, getting everything ready for the big day.

In the middle of tying a bow, you thought you heard something. Snapping your head up, you reached your hand to Elvis’ knee with a stern “shh,” holding your hand up to motion for him to be quiet. He froze, also listening intently. His eyes widened at the soft rustle of tiny feet padding across the landing at the top of the stairs.

Without a moment’s hesitation, Elvis sprung up, quickly headed up the stairs, scooping up your daughter who was just about to take her second step down.

“What are you doing up, little lady?” He asked gently, resting her on his hip as he moved her away from the stairs.

“I can’t sleep,” she confessed. “Has Santa come yet?”

Elvis reassured her, pressing a loving kiss to her forehead. “No, sweetheart, he won’t come until you’re fast asleep in bed.”

She huffed, worriedly.

“How about this. You wait up here, I’ll warm up some milk for you, and we can have daddy-daughter snuggles until you sleep again,” Elvis suggested.

She nodded, he put her down on the floor and watched as she wandered towards her bathroom, making sure she wasn’t about to follow him downstairs. After heating up some milk for her in record time, he handed her her bottle and carried her back to her bedroom.

With her bottle clasped tightly in one tiny hand, your daughter used the other to tug gently at one of Elvis’ fingers, leading him towards the oversized armchair nestled in the corner of her room. Taking the hint, Elvis settled into the chair, pulling her onto his lap and cradling her against his chest.

Elvis held her close, his arms forming a protective cocoon around her as she sucked contentedly on her bottle, her eyelids growing heavy with sleep.

In a gentle whisper, Elvis began to sing, the familiar lyrics of lullabies filling the room with warmth and comfort. He sang to her softly, with all the love in his heart, the melody of his voice wrapping around your daughter like a warm cuddle. For the next twenty minutes or so, he continued to lull her, until at last, the gentle rise and fall of her breathing signaled that she had drifted off to sleep once more.

Carefully and quietly, Elvis eased her limp form from his embrace, laying her down gently on her bed. He tucked the covers snugly around her, ensuring she was warm and secure before pressing a tender kiss to her forehead.

Descending the stairs once more, Elvis found you waiting expectantly, concern etched across your features. In the time it’d taken him to get y/d/n to sleep, you’d pretty much wrapped up (no pun intended) and cleaned everything up.

“She’s all settled now,” he said with a reassuring smile.

You let out a relieved sigh, leaning into his body for a cuddle. “Thank goodness,” you agreed, a small chuckle escaping your lips. “I don’t know what I’d do.”

Elvis chuckled softly, wrapping his arms around your shoulders. “We would’ve made something up,” he said, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

“Now, let’s go to bed darlin’, we got an early morning,” he said, picking you up, reaching for the light switch, turning it off before carrying you upstairs, laying you gently down on your bed.

[beevean]

It's really noticeable how vampires in NFCV are... so boring.

For getting all the main focus of the narrative at the expense of the heroes, the worldbuilding is incredibly lazy, to the point that they almost suffer from Twilight syndrome and don't even feel like real vampires. They're more like blood drinking elves.

Under a read more because this got long and picture-heavy. What can I say, I love my references.

1) Vampires don't bite. The only vampire shown biting is Dracula in one flashback.

(in S2E4, Godbrand leads the other generals on a drinking spree, but they are mostly shown dismembering humans with swords and claws, the closest thing to drinking being Raman pouring blood down her throat from a decapitated person.)

The need to drink blood to survive is an important plot point both in S2 and in the Styria subplot, and it is repeated that vampires see humans as nothing more than livestock, but we rarely, if ever, see vampires feasting on humans.

Hell, not only the Styrian council keeps blood in convenient chalices, which could still be justified by them living a decadent lifestyle (something something symbolism of how detached nobility is), but a starved Godbrand dreams of decapitating humans, not eating them. As I explained here, it is especially noticeable with Lenore, the "kind" vampire who owns a human slave. like. the topic of feeding on him or marking him as her property should have come up at one point, right? Or making her look "weird" for not wanting to bite anyone?

It would have been so cool if it became a plot point in the last episode, when Lenore is placed on house arrest. Isaac, naturally, refuses to deliver humans for Lenore to drink from, so her only choices once the reserves run out are to either feed like a "real" vampire from Hector, who would gladly give his life for her because he wants to keep her with him no matter what, or starve. Hence, the decision to just commit suicide, as she would rather die than hurt the man she loves with her monstrosity. Instead, whatever she's drinking is portrayed as wine, and herself like she's getting drunk. Which is not a bad idea, as she said that she enjoys human food, but that tidbit went nowhere fast. Aside from this one scene, we never see one vampire eating food, not even her.

(I forgot, until now, that she says "we eat", and not "I" like I thought. With how she looks at the side, I'm almost tempted to think this is one of her many lies to paint vampirekind as better than it is, but for the sake of this argument, let's assume that she's being sincere)

In fact, nothing is done with the details of a vampire's general diet and their alternatives: the most we know is that Godbrand hates pig blood because "it gives him the shits". This is the only mention of the classic trope of a vampire drinking animal blood, a staple in works that aim to give moral depth to vampires, as they could be given a choice to live on without harming people in exchange for less strength/pleasure - in fact, it is very confusing how somehow vampires digest human food, including fruits like berries, better than animal blood. Lenore introduces the concept of eating human food not for nourishment, but for hedonistic pleasure, implying that vampires don't suffer any consequence from doing this and it's the equivalent of eating treats (which is a shame: it would have been much more interesting to see a vampire insisting on eating human food even if it causes nothing but pain. conflict? never heard of her). This contradicts what we see in the rest of the series, which is that vampires' idea of hedonistic pleasure is to simply, as I mentioned before, dismember humans. It could have, however, furthered Lenore's character as the "odd" vampire who prefers to indulge in human habits like that silly "diplomacy", perhaps even hinting at a resentment against her own vampirism which is another staple of the genre (indulging in shallow pleasures seems to be, for her, the only reason to live forever - an empty lifestyle for an empty person who might be easily pushed to suicide...), but once again, nothing comes of it until it becomes time for her to ragequit out of life in a way that is probably meant to convey "I am disgusted at the monster than I am and will become", that would have fit the previous exchange, but feels more like "i don't want to face the consequences of my actions :<", since vampirism has never been a true issue for her until the end.

Speaking of Lenore, a detail I realized recently is that she looks disgusted when Hector cuts his finger in front of her. A human would naturally be repulsed by the sight of blood and gore... but she is a vampire. She should salivate at the sight of him bleeding all over the floor, even in the general horror of the situation, as a harsh reminder that no matter how hard she tried to look human and peaceful, she is still an animal at her core, a predator who fell in "love" with her prey. Carmilla and Lenore deliberately lick Hector's blood when they wound him as an act of humiliation, but there is a distinct lack of bloodlust from these vampires. Lenore lusts for Hector in a distinctly human way, even including her dehumanization of him. Pass Dracula who is supposed to be ancient, but does everyone have iron-strong self control? Couple this with how vampires often dismember humans but rarely feed on them, and you have to wonder if blood really is a precious resource to them.

The lack of biting was thankfully fixed in Nocturne, where vampires, here depicted as more bestial, are frequently shown eating in all of its messy glory, including a poor girl frequently victim of Erzsébet's hunger.

2) Turning is barely given lip service. In S2, Carmilla mocks Dracula for never turning his "pet", and since her backstory involves being turned by a "cruel old man", one can assume that this is expected of vampires, that they turn humans they fall in love with - if they don't, it means they just see them as toys. Which makes sense from a vampire's perspective: humans are inferior, and being turned is bestowing them a high honor. As she says,

But after that, the topic gets dropped. We don't know anything about any other vampire's past and how they have joined the ranks of the undead. There are no sires and broods. No human is shown wanting to be a vampire, no vampire is shown planning to turn a human, and no human is turned into a vampire on-screen, showing us how the transformation changes you. The question "why didn't Dracula turn Lisa?", which could have spurned an interesting discussion about damning one's soul to selfishly cheat death and how much Dracula truly cared about Lisa's wishes, never gets answered, as Carmilla asked it only to make the Lord look stupid, and stupid he looks. I find an utter waste how Lenore's "tragic" backstory is limited to the war she experienced during her human childhood, and nothing is known about the two hundred years she spent as a vampire and how she dealt with this massive change and suddenly becoming a creature of war and murder she allegedly despises (then again, she's even lucky to have any sort of backstory, very few characters are blessed with one). And let's not even talk about that out-of-nowhere shot of vampire children skulls that rise all sorts of questions that the show does not bother to answer.

This, too, was finally fixed in Nocturne, where Erzsébet turns the aforementioned girl and most importantly Tera by forcing her own blood in her mouth, and we see the process in all of its uncomfortableness. Tera as a newborn vampire shows more internal conflict than anyone from the OG show, which isn't even much, but the difference in treatment of vampirism is noticeable - at least she's tempted by her own daughter's throat!

3) Vampires invoke God's name despite being outside of God's graces, which shows the lack of care in these details.

(Carmilla in particular seems quite fond of calling God's name lol)

And I wouldn't think much of it, if S4 didn't also include that idiotic, lore-breaking scene of crosses being harmful to vampires not as a symbol of God, but because "it confuses the shit out of their brains". When you think about it, for a series infamous for its CHURCH BAD philosophy, you'd think they'd want to explore vampires' relationship with God and the Church, even in a "we're better than the stupid Christians" way. Even in the games you have oddities like Dracula declaring war against God, yet often including a chapel in his castle, that raises interesting questions about his own relationship with religion which were half-answered in Lament of Innocence. Again, this was at least mentioned in Nocturne, when it's said that Drolta can walk around in Emmanuel's church because his actions desecrated it.

And do I need to even mention that water-blessing zombie bishop that is the bane of my existence? Sure, God would absolutely lend His blessing powers to an evil vampire and her necromancer lackey! Sure, crosses upset vampires for """scientific""" reasons but holy water burns them because of divine intervention! Love how it makes all the time wasted on that asinine scene of vampires discoursing about running water hurt just a little more! What next, does the sun set them on fire because their skin is made of gasoline?

4) I simply don't get the feeling that vampires are dead bodies animated by some sort of demonic energy. The most we get is a general pallor - and even then, the vampires of color like Sharma, Raman or Morana have a perfectly healthy skin tone. Or Dracula and Carmilla (and Alucard in Nocturne S2) getting blood in their sclera when particularly feral. If they can, apparently, eat human food without any consequence, it suggests that they have a functional digestive system and all (make of this what you will). Carmilla is shown being unaffected by the cold, implying that she has a naturally low temperature, but humans don't even flinch when touched by what should be, by all means, walking corpses.

Hector being, apparently, able to smell Lenore before even hearing her (which logically should mean that everytime she invades his personal space it would give him the mother of all headaches, but I could chalk it up to clunky writing) could have been a hint that vampires reek of death and need to mask it by covering themselves in perfume; but of course, like many possibly intriguing details, it goes nowhere, because having our beautiful vampires stinking of rot and strong perfume would be unappealing.

and yes i am saying hector should have frozen his dick off while fucking lenore why do you ask. she didn't even drink his blood to warm herself up, i swear the basics of vampire sex 😭

5) A smaller nitpick before the main course: vampires sleep. They sleep exactly like humans, just during the day: Carmilla, Striga and Morana are implied to sleep in their own beds, and at one point Godbrand falls asleep on a chair. They even have dreams and nightmares. Again, I must stress: even Twilight scoffed at the legend of vampires sleeping in coffins, but not only that story took place in a modern setting, the catch was that they didn't sleep at all, which makes sense for a race of undead predators!

6) This one drives me up a wall: "vampire culture" is a farce. In S3, Lenore makes a whole show of gifting Hector a book about their culture, which he finds utterly fascinating because he didn't even know vampires had a culture in the first place.

Well, neither do I! What is this vampire culture that intrigues Hector so?

Social norms? Biting etiquette? Rituals of bonding and turning human beings? The implicit social message you send by making your claws grow longer or cutting them short? That's what I would picture to be very crucial parts of vampire society!

Hector's examples of vampire culture are "ideas about physical presence in the world, the importance of soil and landscape and… being", which is all frustratingly vague: why should soil be important to a culture that has no need for agriculture? Maybe if vampires slept in their own fucking coffins, filled with the soil of their native land like in the Dracula book, this would make sense, but no, as I said, these things sleep in beds like humans!

What is this "philosophy" that he mentions, "conquer all the things" as implied in the "strength and power" conversation in the very last episode? Lenore jokingly goads Hector in admitting that "they're not all monsters", but aren't her attempts at pacifism and diplomacy supposed to be an outlier? Vampires are generally depicted to be warmongering! The most I can think of is the fact that vampires need to have long-term vision due to their immortality which gives them a different outlook of their own existence (which is, admittedly, Lenore's point in that speech I linked), but that, again, contradicts how they are often depicted to be hedonists who indulge in short-term violence!

Is part of vampire culture turning human children to make child vampires, as accidentally implied by the shot of kids' skulls? What about dhampirs, how common and well accepted are they? Alucard is never considered an oddity for being a hybrid. How are vampire/human relationships seen, beyond the general idea of keeping a human as a pet to be fucked?

And what does the aforementioned scene about running water tell us, if not that not even vampires are all sure of what hurts them and what doesn't? Which would imply that vampires are left to fend for themselves by their sires and they have to learn about their own weaknesses the hard way, which is not a bad concept, but this contradicts the idea that vampires are an united society and some of them write down their knowledge! "It's not like we're given a manual for being a vampire" i dunno chief, you yourself seem pretty knowledgeable about ancient vampire history!

(incidentally, we see Hector reading a book in S4E2, which could have implied he's still interested in vampire culture but this time for the sake of playing their own mindgames, but we don't know what it's about and I'm not going to do the writers' job for them, afawk he was just chilling in his gilded cage)

The only "vampire culture" we see is that they essentially preserve human technology that would otherwise be lost to time.

What Lenore is flaunting here is a hypocaust. Which, while they were mostly used at the time of the Roman Empire, actually survived for longer in Eastern Europe than it did in the West, meaning that the Greek Hector should not be this surprised. Turns out, not all humans forget.

It was also kept lit by slaves, which raises all sorts of interesting implications about how the Styrian castle works (they could have handwaved it with magic, but Lenore explicitly makes it about real science, so). But naturally, we never see human slaves being forced to keep the castle warm: that would make Lenore and her attempts to sell the castle as a great place to live in look bad, and Hector's gilded cage less dreamy for the people who believe he got a great deal.

And to briefly go back to the issue of confusing biology... why in the fuck would a castle of vampires, established to be impervious to cold, need a heating system? Are humans part of the castle? Who benefits from the heat, the same slaves that keep the hypocaust lit? The vampires torture Hector in all sorts of ways, including dousing him in icy water, because they see him as little more than a stinking dog only kept alive because Carmilla needs him, but they bother to keep prisoners warm, wasting precious resources? At least I can see why Dracula would build a heating system for Lisa in his castle! This is just stupid! This was mentioned ad hoc to stroke the vampires' dick! "I keep telling you, we're not monsters" only because the writing is bending itself backwards just for you, Lenore!

But back to the main point. This could have been a very interesting topic of discussion, because this means that vampires are soulless parasites who can only vicariously benefit from humanity's ingenuity, unable to produce and only able to steal for themselves (much like they steal human blood), arrogantly believing themselves to be superior but not acknowledging that they need those creatures they see as livestock! Even the comment that vampires "don't forget" could have a negative side, as it means that vampirekind is stagnant, stuck in the past, unable to move on! But no, they are simply framed as superior for their long memory, because they are so technologically advanced, unlike those stupid humans held back by the CHURCH BAD, that they can wear modern clothes and have electric lamps, ohhh, ahhh!

Vampires wear more modern fashion than humans in Castlevania (Alucard invented the V-neck), so there's more room to play with clothing periods.

Yeah, vampire culture is Alucard's cheap, tiddy-exposing V-neck shirt! And dazzling the backwards brown people humans in the spare time. Sign me in!

Incidentally, do you remember when Dracula was framed as being unique for being a man of science in a largely ignorant, religion-riddled world, to the point that it's the main reason Lisa approached him to teach her "real" medicine? And the main reason Alucard feels sorry for his father's madness, because he will use his massive knowledge for evil? And the main reason Isaac wanted to lay down his own life to save that of his Lord?

Yeah, neither do the writers. Dracula is only valued for his ancient "knowledge" by the people who care about him, and by S3 that same knowledge isn't even special anymore. I swear, Dracula is the third most hated character in the show after Hector and Trevor.

Speaking of Hector, he's by far the worst victim of this vampire idealization. He could have had an arc of him learning to love humanity over vampirekind, the same kind that did nothing but use him and hurt him even worse than humans did. He could have accepted that, despite its flaws, humanity can also be good, and the world overall isn't as black and white as he thought. Not at all. His lack of empathy towards his own species is never addressed if not to make him look stupid. Most infuriatingly, his character arc ends with him declaring that he has learned to appreciate "the value and the beauty of things (i.e. vampires, i.e. Lenore) that live longer than he does", keeping him stagnant and shooting in the foot S4's half-hearted attempt to dismantle this idolized image of vampires as a species. Appreciation for humanity's virtues? Not in my adaptation of Castlevania, which is all about the strength of mankind prevailing over evil!

6) And to cap it all off, their powers! What a lack of imagination. What an embarrassment. Vampires are super fast and super strong, with sharp claws, and a few of them are shown turning into bats and mist. Dracula, the most powerful vampire, can shoot one Hellfire. That's. That's it.

Really? This is the adaptation of a videogame series where the most wet cat of a vampire uses telekinesis to throw swords at people! There is a whole ass vampire who stole Dracula's castle through the power of reality-warping paintings! Ohh look how cool Carmilla is dashing around in her final stand, yeah well my Carmilla can turn into a giant naked lady riding a skull that cries corrosive bloody tears!

Where is the damn creativity?! Where is my True Dracula in all of his monstruous Dark Lord glory???

(as a miniscule kernel of positivity, I need to quickly praise Cho for outright weaponizing turning into mist, a power mostly used for evasion. And Sypha for weaponizing it right back, by freezing and shattering her. See, this is a creative display of power! And it's for one of the most wasted cardboard cut-outs of the show. riveting :V)

You know the worst thing? The vampire with the most vampiric traits... is Alucard. Alucard sleeps in a coffin, and even implies that it's more comfortable for him than a bed.

Alucard flashes his fangs and hisses the most to enemies.

Alucard reminds the Japanese not-twins in a spar fight that he's tempted to bite them and drink their blood. Alucard has a sword that he can swing around with telekinesis, more similar to Joachim's power than his own in SoTN. Alucard also shows an extra transformation in the form of a wolf.

Why is the dhampir more of a vampire than the vampires in this setting??? If we didn't see him casually standing in the sun, no one would be able to tell he's half-human! Why, is it hotter if he hisses and talks about his non-existant bloodlust?? It only makes the scene with the kids' skulls, where it's all but said that he keeps cruelly insulting Trevor and his entire bloodline because they kill "his people", all the more demeaning to his character! The whole point of Alucard is that he chooses his own humanity over his vampire side!!

I know that at this point I should give up all pretenses that this show has anything in common with the videogame series it stole its name from, but I am still utterly baffled that they took three protagonists - Trevor the vampire hunter who chose to help the same people that shunned him, Alucard the dhampir who chose to honor his human mother's wish to stand against his vampire lineage, and Hector the Devil Forgemaster who chose to forgive humanity and turn over a new leaf from his Devil-serving days - that in different ways represent the virtue of humanity, and pissed all over them in different ways to prop up their shitty elves! Because this is what vampires are in this universe: arrogant, smug, flaccid, incompetent dark elves that can't even make a proper threat but we are still meant to see as hot!

And that's really the thing. Vampires in NFCV aren't just as dull as dishwater and with a less defined biology than that of Meyerpires (the comparisons with Twilight aren't casual), but they don't stand for anything. Vampires are a prime concept for metaphors such as feudalism, illness that consumes you, the taboo of homosexuality, carnal desire, abusive relationships, feeling like "others" and "unwanted" by society, etc. Even Nocturne, NOCTURNE, one of the emptiest stories about vampires I had the displeasure of watching, uses vampirism as a metaphor for nobility and colonialism and the way they greedily suck away all the resources of the people they oppress! It's as subtle as a kick in the balls and it shatters what little original lore there was left, but the idea is there! It's trying to send a message!

What is NFCV's message conveyed through its decision to focus on vampires as a species, that humans suck? It certainly would fit the nigh-relentless cynicism of the show. Who cares about worldbuilding or consistent characterization? Just add some "deep", pretentious speeches about the evils of CHURCH BAD and how shitty humans are, and look how the praises for being Peak Fiction fall from the sky.

[balrogballs]

Who's taller, Elrond or Celebrían? I must hear your thoughts.

I have so many thoughts on this!

Imo it’s a Galadriel/Celeborn situation where they’re the exact same height and have a similar build — as in, she’s relatively tall for a female elf thanks to Galadriel but not as tall as her because Celeborn was of average height, and Elrond is relatively tall for a man but somewhat shorter and slighter than the average male elf because both his parents were half-Elven hence neither of them being particularly tall.

How does this play out?

They share clothes but it is one sided to start with. By which I mean, Elrond is very much his movie-self in this regard and has reams and reams of robes, both extravagant Noldorin decadence and Sindarin (relative) simplicity. Buddy has a whole ass walk in wardrobe. Celebrían borrows them all without asking, and not a month goes by where he isn’t running around their quarters in nothing but a pair of trousers losing his nut because she wore his pure woven silk shawl as a riding scarf and now it’s got two holes in it. Sometimes he goes to bed and trips over something and it’s just his expensive gold laced tunic that she wore as a sleep shirt until it got itchy and she tossed it on the ground. Every time she does this he loses a year of his life and tries to give her a complete lecture, of which she listens to 0% of. Glorfindel vividly remembers the squeak he made when he saw baby Elladan puke on Cel’s breastfeeding maternity top, also known as “Elrond’s wedding tunic which cost half as much as the wedding itself”.

After she sails, it’s the other way around. Arwen was told by Cel that she could wear anything of hers that she left behind, and she does. Half the time she’s very confused as to where some of the items disappear to, since her other three family members were blokes, until she comes across her father in his study, happily balancing his ledgers, Cel’s lovely turquoise shawl wrapped warmly around his shoulders, his feet comfortably fitting into her old house-slippers.

Elladan and Elrohir don’t wear either of their parents clothes because they’re taller and broader than the both of them, and not really given to extravagance. However, whenever they’re home, they take turns sneaking into Elrond’s study to borrow random articles of clothing and keep them in their wardrobe for a few days before returning them just as silently. Arwen initially thought they were doing it just to piss said father off but then realised they were trying to give him a sense of normalcy 🥺

Them being the same height means their feet knock against each other in bed. This is not a problem as far as Elrond is concerned, because he is used to sleeping in the same bed as other people (having had a twin and spending 3000 years at war/sieges), and keeps his toenails militaristically short. Cel on the other hand, absolutely adores having long shapely toenails that she decorates with polish and little gems. Unfortunately, this is precisely what jams into Elrond’s ankles every night. Like lovebites from Gollum.

When I say they’re the exact same height I mean right down to the millimetre. Again, this does not really bother Elrond because again, he’s always been slighter than most male elves so hasn’t really even noticed. Cel, however, is extremely pleased about this, and in fact quite often does her hair in big, bouffant (think 1980s) updoes and backcombs, and in fact set off a century long trend of quiffs in the Eldar, simply because she enjoyed being taller than Elrond.

[karniss-bg3]

I figured you’d be the right person to ask this question, why is Kar’niss’ skin super pale when he was originally a drow? 🖤

I had the same question myself and I did some digging a bit ago. All of the official drider concept art I've seen has depicted driders with dark skin, so it stands to reason that the transformation alone wouldn't be enough to alter his appearance. This leaves one interesting theory at play; Kar'niss was a Szarkai.

Szarkai, which translates to "ghost spiders", are albino drow. This is a very rare mutation that affects only 0.1% of the drow population. Their skin tones are so light in fact that they are able to pass as surface elves with little trouble. Some would think that this would make them outcasts but in fact Szarkai were viewed as a blessing of Lolth, hence their namesake.

There are some interesting crossover traits between Kar'niss and Szarkai that lean me more toward this theory, such as: -Szarkai look almost identical to drow outside of the skin tone. However, they have also been known to have minor deformities. The most notable is "gnarled and claw-like hands" which we know Kar'niss to possess. Originally I thought this was due to the transformation, but now I think he may have had it prior to the change.

-They are very adverse toward combat, preferring to let others do the dirty work so to speak. When the player engages Kar'niss in a fight one of the first things he does after his multi-attack is cast sanctuary on himself, protecting himself from harm and forcing his companions to take the hits. I also saw a video where someone cast banish on Kar'niss and when he returned he disengaged, healed himself, and ran from the fight. Now this was likely a bug, but it'd be on brand for Szarkai's desire to escape a fight rather than engage in it.

-They were mostly used as spies and gathering information since they could easily blend into surface societies. While there isn't much evidence that Kar'niss has much training in this field, what stuck out to me was the professions Szarkai favored. One of them is bard, and we have at least some notion that Kar'niss is linked to one musical instrument by way of the spider's lyre. I recall someone commenting asking if the lyre may have belonged to Kar'niss at one point and while I can't say with certainty, if it was and Minthara was merely holding on to it then it'd lend credence to him being a bard formerly. That and he's super pissed if you play it poorly!

-I haven't done a playthrough with Minthara in my party so I am not familiar with all of her dialogue lines. However, she does know Kar'niss in some capacity and the lyre is used to call him. Her last name is Baenre which is one of the most notable drow houses in all of Menzoberranzan, famous for Jarlaxle the leader of Bregan D'aerthe. I say this because Szarkai seemed to be far more common in noble houses, which Baenre would be. This could, even if loosely, establish a link between them.

IF this is true, that puts a very intense spin on Kar'niss' potential history. Szarkai were protected, considered valuable, and their existence kept secret. They were removed from drow life, and even kept in far safer conditions than others. This didn't mean they were shielded from the cruelty drow are known for but it was a different kind of cruelty. Often trained from a very young age to be spies and saboteurs, and subsequently being shipped to human cities to do as ordered. It makes me wonder what Kar'niss could've done to incur Lolth's wrath to the extent she warped him into a drider. Betrayal? Failure? Weakness? Or perhaps Lolth just really wanted an alabaster pet, it's hard to say.

Thanks for the ask!

[ravilenn]

Asian!reader in Hogwarts (headcanons)

pt.1 - food shenanigans

this is mostly written for the jokes lol

_____________________________________________

. . .

• One week.

• It took one week for the Great Hall menu to grow unbearable for you after days of eating boiled vegetables and bland casseroles.

• And by the gods were you tired of it. You don't know how people can eat this for 7 years straight. And it gets even worse because Hogwarts doesn't have rice. No rice??? That's one way to give you a heart attack.

• It was at that moment when you decided to take matters into your own hands.

• So yeah, hence why you currently have a rice cooker in front of you on the table. Courtesy of your parents sending you one after hearing they didn't have rice over there (?!)

• Anyway, back to the present, where a few students are now eyeing you curiously.

• "What is this?"

- "That," you say, pointing at the perfectly ordinary looking device, "...is a rice cooker."

- Still met with confusion, you add, “You put rice in it. Press a button. Boom. Rice.”

• By this point, half the table is staring at you like you just told them Dumbledore did a cartwheel in the courtyard.

• “And why, do you need a... machine to do that-?”

- “Do you need a wand to do magic? No? Then don't question my rice cooker.”

• Flashforward the rice cooker is now declared a sacred artifact. Hogwarts finally has rice. The world is at peace.

.

.

.

• Well... that is until you decided to spice up the Hogwarts menu itself this time. Literally. Because this bland food has 'no soul'.

• According to who? You.

• Seriously, you'd think the British would've at least taken a cooking book when they colonized the world, but no-!

• You took your emergency stash of peppers and herbs and snuck into the kitchen.

• Too bad the house-elves caught you just as you were about to drop a peppercorn into one of their pots.

• “Miss, what’s this?” one of them asked, sniffing the spicy broth.

- “Freedom.”

(leaves dramatically)

• And since they didn't have time left to remake the food, they decided to serve it anyway and hope no one dies of food poisoning.

• Let's just say that they ran out of servings at record speed.

• Oh, and you now have several elves begging you to teach them the art of seasoning.

.

• So naturally by now, you're (kind of) well-known for your food shenanigans. Many of the house-elves and students are practically worshipping you ever since you introduced them to a plethora of new snacks.

• But of course there’s still a small group of skeptical people.

• A certain blonde from Slytherin named Draco Malfoy initially accused you of trying to poison him with your spices, but you could've sworn you saw him sneaking in a spring roll once.

• You also may have asked a house-elf to put wasabi in his mashed potatoes that evening, saying it would 'enhance the flavour'.

#revenge

.

Now, if you're in Gryffindor, you will dare your fellow housemates to eat some of your spiciest food.

#spicyfoodchallenge@gryffindor

• Dean Thomas for example once tried your chili-covered dried mango and immediately turned red. You could practically see the smoke coming out of his ears.

• Everyone cheered as he downed 3 goblets of pumpkin juice.

• And Thomas called you insane. (you were casually eating one of the snacks as if it wasn't the spiciest thing he's ever eaten right in front of him)

• You also may have sent Ron to the Hospital Wing once for feeding him spicy chili.

• Can no one here handle a little bit of spice?

.

In the meantime, the Hufflepuff now has weekly ramen parties at night.

• That's when you pull out your secret-not-so-secret stash of noodles and broth and prepare them in your cauldron for everyone.

• It's very cozy and calm, y'all just a happy bunch of Hufflepuffs enjoying some good ol' ramen.

• Professor Sprout pretends not to notice because she’s secretly a fan of your shrimp tempura ramen.

• You're thinking of introducing them to hotpot.

.

As for Ravenclaw, you introduced them to 'matcha mochi', because the green tea flavor is ideal for staying awake. You know they're night owls.

• They love you for that.

• It's a godsend during midterms.

.

Half of Slytherin probably owes you favors by now. And that's because you started a 'black market snack trade' where you trade various snacks for favors.

- "You help me with my Herbology homework, and I’ll give you a batch of my family’s special sweet soy sauce.”

• "Deal."

- “If you get the secret potion recipe from Snape’s personal notes, I’ll give you a month’s worth of homemade dumplings.” ...

.

You may have abused used this method several times to sweet-talk your way out of detention.

• “I’ll give you some of my homemade miso soup if you let me off with just a warning, Professor.”

• And surprisingly they agree too??? Most of the time. Snape still resists, but you could've sworn you saw him contemplating for a split second when you mentioned mochi.

• Isn't this bribery?

• You also accept gossip as payment btw 👍👍

.

• I honestly don't know where you get all of that food from. Must be the Asian power.

.

• By your fifth year, Asian cuisine pretty much became a standard during meals.

• So obviously, the first thing Umbridge does when she gets the authority is banning any 'non-tradidional' foods at Hogwarts, claiming it's to 'preserve the purity of the British cuisine', and because the spices and techniques are 'too disruptive' for a safe learning environment.

• You think she just can't handle anything spicier than salt.

• Hence why you teamed up with Fred and George to develop a secret line of 'banned snacks', like dumplings that explode into fireworks to get back at her.

• And it wouldn't be Fred and George if they didn't make anything funny like fortune cookies that make fun of Umbridge and her decrees.

• Which is, unsurprisingly, their most popular one.

• When you were eventually caught and interrogated by Umbridge, you just shrugged. “Asian cuisine has been perfected over centuries. You can’t just erase it with a decree, Professor. That’s like trying to ban magic itself!"

You're really passionate about your food, huh.

[thegreatzombieartisan]

By Catholic standards, if Orcs are animals, they lack a soul to even be corrupted. Hence Sauron had to house evil dead souls within his werewolves. Since Tolkien never formally settled on Orc origins, I’m basing my post on the commonly held interpretation of Orcs-as-corrupted Elves.

My argument: Orcs cannot be redeemed through social engineering even in infancy. Hence why Tolkien described the Orcs as evil yet not irredeemable; and struggled with how to fit them into his legendarium moral cosmology.

It’s not about whether Orcs can be redeemed or not — it is a matter of how

In the secular world, evil is reserved for only misdeeds deemed heinous like ripping out the fingernails of a Girl Scout troop. Yet, in legendarium cosmology, evil is simply what is not good. Murder is but so is lying on your taxes or bad mouthing your boss.

In short, Illuvatar is perfect good. Good deeds/misdeeds will bring you closer/further away from from his divine perfection. Misdeeds are moral evils. Unrepentant evil is a state of being. Evil is not opposite of good but degrees absent of goodness. An evil person can have some good, but a good person cannot have some evil.

To believe Orcs can be “redeemed” through social engineering fundamentally misunderstands legendarium’s moral cosmology, reducing corruption to a cultural and psychological phenomenon. In reality, corruption is spiritual decay and possibly death. Redemption is a spiritual journey which only animals achievable with Illuvatar’s mercy and grace (although Morgoth and Sauron’s lies to the Orcs, and Orc culture, certainly don’t help).

So, a rescued Orc baby won’t be good — perhaps less evil, if their “creaturely” needs are met. That is, if one appeals to their more base fears and self-interests.

When Morgoth corrupted Elves with his evil, he damaged their fea — that is, their very capacity to choose good

Because Orcs possess far weaker wills than those of Elves and Men, it’s much harder to resist evil temptations. Here lies the issue: redemption is about the will. So, Orcs must rely on Illuvatar’s intervention:

Morgoth and Sauron must repent

Orcs needs an Orc Jesus. Illuvatar reincarnating as an Orc Jesus — The Redeemer

Orcs are above all a symbolic literary device to convey grander messages. They represent the greatest abuse of freedom; and desecration of beauty and sanctity. Orcs are horrid but pitiful testaments Morgoth and Sauron’s evil. Tolkien is well aware that the corruption of Orcs is f—up. That is the point.

[changetheprophecy81]

I've always been surprised by the way the fandom has unanimously characterized regulus. He's always in Sirius's shadow in an heir and spare situation, with his brother being smarter, more good looking, and having a better physique than him. And this is inferred from the one comparison harry makes in DH (despite the fact tht harry calls his godfather handsome some 10 times or so in the books lol), its just assumed tht everyone would make this comparison as well. And tht he was more steered into becoming a DE than actually wanting it himself coz he was clueless abt wht was going on.

There is a great possibility of this being the case, but tbh i never saw it this way. Rowling has called regulus the draco of his generation (i always took this as being in the sense tht he was all for the DEs until he saw wht it actually was). Apart from harry's comparison there is nothing to infer tht regulus felt lesser than his brother. I always saw him as being extremely proud of his values and blood status, and being more favored than his brother because of how much he fit the pureblood standards. I also think he took pride in being more 'proper' than his brother; sirius adorned his room with posters and gryffindor flags to rebel, while regulus put up slytherin flags, cut outs of voldemort and the DEs and painted the black family crest on his wall to probably show his brother up, despite the fact that these were literally the most common and basic things to be in his social circle loll. Maybe this was out of social pressure, or maybe he was genuinely proud of his choices and really thought tht made him superior to his 'wayward' brother (sirius seemed to hv a streak of rebellion in him even before coming to hogwarts and being sorted, so he probably wasn't favored as a child lyk the fandom thinks he was). Also idk y ppl hc him as being openly less smarter than sirius, he literally figured out the horcrux thing before dumbledore did. His dying note to voldy still shows pride and arrogance in his intelligence. These are not qualities of a boy who felt insecure and insignificant, again, tht assumption is purely a hc. Regulus got the Mark when he was still in school even tho his parents were never DEs themselves (tho they were undoubtedly proud of him for it), probably coz he had bellatrix vouching him; i see this as being exactly lyk draco was, being proud( not reluctant or unknowing) and eager to prove his worth until he faced the reality of being a DE. Sirius also says in ootp (in relation to his family) that a lot of purebloods thought voldemort had the right ideas until they saw what he was ready to do to get power; this is exactly how i see regulus. PPL say tht he was kind to kreacher while ignoring the fact tht he 'volunteered kreacher' to a guy known for seeing house elves as inferior beings (tho he probably did like him, given tht he drank the poison himself). His view on house elves was probably still bigoted for all we know, he probably saved kreacher coz he was specifically attached to him.

Hence, I see him as a being very like sirius- haughty, proud, and intelligent, but on the side of the DEs, and then becoming lyk draco malfoy because he was confronted with the reality of his choices (and even then we hv no proof tht he didn't hold his other preudices before his death)

[spottheantisemitism]

Lizards and Goblins are not neccesarily antisemitic

Jewitches overview

Jewitches already provides examples of goblins and in Tolkien as being these villanious creatures with no Jewish coding and in Shakespeare Goblins are seen more like fairies and are shown positively so off to a good start for team “Goblins aren’t always antisemitic”

Goblins in Final Fantasy

Goblins are hit or miss in Final Fantasy at least according to this summary by a mutual

they have their own culture and focus on invention and hard work which aren’t negative (if arguably positive Jew coding) but they have a faction called the Illuminati (hello new world order conspiracy) which want to take over the world and worships a machine messiah named Alexander that when awakened tries to destroy the goblins that helped wake him to create a better world. Horrified the other goblins then helps the players fight this Alexander

“The Illuminati could be seen as Christians, with Quickthinx being Jesus. Shanoa could be seen as being akin to an angel, as could possibly Alexander Prime. You could be seen as having wrestled God/a God. Or I could be completely full of shit overthinking things.

I do think there's something to be said on how data gained from Alexander and later Omega, would be combined to send G'raha to the First from the Doomed Timeline, saving you and the future”

@arandomshotinthedark remarks in last paragraphs of the above link

while that’s a fascinating analysis, I find the focus on the development of Goblin Christianity out of Goblin Judaism a bit uncomfortable and supersessionist but fascinating plot point nonetheless

Goblins in Harry Potter

Harry Potter’s goblins are greedy bankers who care only for their in-group and their goods. No matter how charitably you slice it that Griphook is just reclaiming a sacred artifact and helps the heroes he still betrays them for the artifact and his hatred of wizards and muggles is treated as his problem and not trauma or paranoia. Rowling truly believes you should shrug off oppression as her essays on house elves show

The video game Hogwarts: Legacy that was written by a literal neo nazi goes further elaborates on this by having the plot center on quelling a goblin revolt. Regardless of your actions and the revelations that the goblins were merely pawns of an evil wizard, you cannot change the way people view goblins even in the more compassionate ending and it implies the only good goblins are two who don’t fight for their rights as those movements with inevitably be corrupted by bad actors. More subtly, goblins artifacts look like judaica, notably you can recover a ceremonial ram’s horn that’s oddly like a shofar. Why a race of beings that live underground and have never kept livestock use a ram’s horn and not the silver or gold they are famed for is never explained. The only explanation is the writer wanted to mock jews

I will disagree with a common criticism of the game being blood libel as there is no child kidnapping. The ‘child’ being kidnapped is the teenage player character and you very much foil the goblins attempt to kidnap you. The fact that the goblins are willing to kidnap a child to keep you from unraveling their plot is bad enough but it’s not blood libel

Goblincore

Goblincore is not antisemitic at all. It’s basically combining being a collector of shiny trinkets and not caring about appearance. Behind the fantasy name is a straight forward aesthetic that opens up “the hoodie and jeans, messy hair don’t care, I collect pop vinyls and old nintendos” aesthetic to people who aren’t cishet men.

I judge movements by their actions and not by what they claim to be hence gamergate is a hate movement, cottagecore is tradwifery for leftist women and goblincore is a -core for queer nerds who want to a less bigoted version of nerd culture or cottagecore without the misogyny. They’re linking goblins to jews they’re enbodying and empathizing with the goblins. If you movement is using the fantasy creature to promote empathy instead of xenophobia then more power to you

Lizards for David Icke

David Icke decided to use science fiction to stoke his antisemitism. Icke believes all major institutions are run by shapeshifting Lizards (aka reptilians) from the moon here to colonize humanity and enslave us. Icke also believed the all popes , all presidents and prime minister and every Zionist was actually a reptilian shapeshifter. Since the overlap between Zionist and jew is significant, Icke all but admitted he sees most jews as subhuman shapeshiftering lizards. Even the staunchest antizionists laugh this nonsense off (Alice Walker not included) and his theories are more popular with Nazis. Considering original Nazis stole from Blavatsky’s mysticism of the aryan descendants of the hypeborean race from antarctica that’s just tradition at this point

Lizards in Dracula

In Bram Stoker’s Dracula, Count Dracula is compared to lizard when he crawls up a wall that a human like the narrator Jonathan Harker cannot (until Jonathan manages to do just that rendering the point moot). This a non issue since it was written before the reptilian was a concept. It is however used to dehumanize the count as other not code him as specifically Jewish. It’s xenophobia, not antisemitism. So maybe the people in making lizard jokes and the people smugly accusing them of antisemitism should both cut that shit out

Lizards in she-ra

I was told Double Trouble was an antisemitic stereotype because they only care about money and being good at infiltration and lack morals (same could be said of Marc Spector and yet no one calls him an antisemitic stereotype). Oh and they’re a Lizard creature like the Reptilians in Icke’s screed.

this is so patently ludicrous to the point where I believe this was a psyop to push Jews out of the She-Ra fandom, because oh my G-D this could not be made in good faith.

TL;DR

Goblins often antisemitic but not necessarily, Lizards almost never antisemitic unless Reptilian is used

[doodle-pops]

Hi!

May I please request a reaction for Feanorian reactions to their S/O wearing their clothes?

Thanks a lot!

Really appreciate you opening up reactions again :)

House of Feanor — S/O Wearing Their Clothes

...they stare with ADORATION. How can anyone appear so adorable wearing their drowning oversized clothes? They wouldn’t intervene or anything of the sort, just watch from a distance while you waddle around the house with their shirt which required rolling up around the sleeves for you to use your hands. Leaning against the doorframe while you busy yourself in the kitchen prepping breakfast or lunch, they’ll just grin and shake their heads at your cute antics.

Maedhros, Maglor, Caranthir, Amrod, Amras, Celebrimbor

...they are TURNED ON. The minute you enter their vision wearing their apparel, hunger grows from deep within and the only urge they have is to take it off and have their way. Their clothes on your body accentuate your figure, making you appear all the more desirable in their eyes. Like a puppy, they’ll follow you around the house until you are corned before making their moves and whispering about you being a natural tease, knowing what you were doing to them.

Feanor, Celegorm, Caranthir, Curufin, Amrod, Amras

...they tease your SIZE DIFFERENCE. It’s no mistake that you are smaller than these elves by a massive amount, so teasing you is mandatory. It grows when you make the decision to wear their garb one day, assuming that they would marvel at your cuteness, but instead, they taunt your height and size difference more. Small pats to your head and squatting down to meet you at eye level to point out how their shirt fits you like an oversize nightgown. Hence, a few might go as far as to lift you just to watch their shirt fall past your feet and hang while laughing.

Maedhros, Celegorm, Amrod, Amras

[hollowed-theory-hall]

Magic and Genetics: Magical Beings

So, I mentioned in my other post about magic and genetics that the fact magical creatures and wizards can reproduce is significant. This is because generally, hybrids with parents of different species are sterile (at least with animals, plants are different). As Fleur can be a quarter-veela, it's clear the hybrids we see in the magical world are not sterile.

As sterility is attributed to the difference in the number of chromosomes between the two species, this suggests that goblins, wizards, muggles, veela, and giants all have the same number of chromosomes and are part of the same genus. And this has some interesting implications when it comes to world-building...

Disclaimer: As with my past post on the subject, this is from online reading, I haven't studied any of this in a professional capacity.

When it comes to interspecies hybrids among animals, they tend to be from the same genus, otherwise they can't even reproduce without some human interference. So, I feel pretty safe in the assumption that if wizards and veela can have fertile offspring, they fall under the same genus

A genus is a biological classification above species and below family. While there is some leeway in what falls under the same genus the general gist of what defines a genus is:

They all descend from the same group of organisms.

A genus shouldn't be expanded needlessly.

All species in a genus should show distinctive traits and similarities.

Now, the legal definitions in the Wizarding World somewhat support this. All the following creatures are defined as "beings" by the Ministry of Magic:

Humans (muggles, wizards and squibs)

Giants

Goblins (and the related Pukwudgies)

Vampires

Hags

House-elves

Veela

Any hybrid of the aforementioned species.

(Werewolves are technically human, Lycanthropy is treated in the books like an illness and not a separate species, hence why I didn't list them here)

I should note Merpeople and Centaurs were also offered the description of "being", but refused.

And we see practically all of the species listed as "beings" can have fertile offsprings with each other: Hagrid is a half-giant, Fleur is a quarter-veela, Flitwick is a half-goblin, the mobile games, and Pottermore reference part-vampires, and the Fantastic Beasts movies include a half-elf (I don't really consider these movies canon as a whole, but the existence of half-elves makes sense).

This means that the definition of "being" is for all species in this humanoid genus. The reason I'm bringing this up with association with genetics is that, if we go back to the definition of genus, all these species (and potentially centaurs and merpeople too) are descended from the same ancient race. Which, in turn, says something interesting about the evolution of magic in genetics.

Since most of these races are magical, well, all of them except muggles are. Muggles are incredibly similar to wizards and squibs, more similar than the other species are to each other. This suggests that the evolution in the Harry Potter universe started with an ancient humanoid magical species that got split into the different magical species we know of (goblins, wizards, giants, elves, etc...) first since there are more differences between them. Then, some thousands of years later muggles and wizards split.

I don't know how or why or what this ancient humanoid magical race could be, but the fact muggles and wizards are probably both descendants from some proto-wizard race that existed thousands of years ago gives another possibility into how muggleborns can be born. If all muggles descended from wizards, it could explain how muggleborns would occasionally be born. I still believe almost all muggleborns are descendants of more recent squib lines though. I don't think regular muggles have a high chance of giving birth to a muggleborn, but because of this evolution theory, it still could happen.

The other interesting note about this is that muggles are likely to be able to have children with goblins, veela, vampires, and giants just like wizards can. But these half-breeds, unlike the ones we see in the books aren't partial wizards, so could they cast magic like wizards?

I'd say yes.

The fact all non-human creatures are legally forbidden from holding wands means they all can produce magic with a wand. Winkey the elf got blamed at the beginning of GoF for casting the Dark Mark with a wand, which means that even though house-elves and goblins are capable of their own magic, they could use the same spells wizards do with wands if they had them. Goblins can use wands as well, Griphock says wands would expand their magical powers. If I had to guess I'd say the same is true for vampires, veela, and hags — that if they had wands they could cast magic like wizards. Their being from the same genus kinda explains it, they all have the genes for casting magic, and yes, their magic is different, but not that different. I'd say their magic is probably more similar than wizards are willing to confess.

Giants are different in that they don't really have an innate magic, and aren't shown to be capable of any magic beyond their sturdy skin. I'd say giants had a similar evolution to muggles in that they lost the capacity to cast magic at some point in the split. I'd guess it happened differently with each species though.

Back to the earlier subject of a muggle and goblin child, for example. I believe this half-goblin would have magic similar to a half-goblin wizard like Flitwick, potentially, a half-goblin half-muggle would be registered as a wizard by the book and quill that accepts students into Hogwarts. Potentially you could have a muggle-being hybrid who is treated like a half-blood wizard even though neither of their parents are wizards. I mean, goblins can use wands, and so can half-blood wizards with one wizard parent and one muggle parent... Basically, I think there could genetically be a half-blood wizard that has no wizard parent, or even grandparent for that matter.

(All this is potentially true for merpeople and centaurs too since they were offered the "being" status)

I just find these implications about the relations between wizards, muggles, and the other magical races really interesting.

[mairon-goth-minion]

may i ask how you see Peter? like why was he like in his school years? what type of person was he, what were his hobbies, his talents, personality traits, etc?

(also this is ignoring all the canon stuff with voldy)

So to me Peter is like basically the glue that held the marauders together (DON’T HATE ME FOR THIS PLZ). They all had such explosive personalities (eying James and Sirius here) that they definitely would have ended up fighting (NOT SAYING THAT THEY DON’T LOVE EACH OTHER, IT’S JUST THAT PEOPLE WITH STRONG PERSONALITIES CAN LOVE EACH OTHER AND STILL ARGUE). And Peter wad a bit of a mediator. Whenever he felt like one of them was beginning to get in a bad mood, he’d immediately notice and make sure that they were comforted, getting the others to help if it was bad, so that it wouldn’t worsen. I feel like he’d also be a FULL ON GOSSIP, and he knew everything that was going on (first to know about Starchaser & shit because of observation). Peter liked to be with people stronger than him for protection, yes, but they also adored him. He was indispensable to the Marauders (hence the feeling of betrayal when he sold J&L out). He brought hot chocolate to Remus after the full moon, knew secret passageways to basically everywhere (he helped a lot with the Map), especially to the kitchen, and he ended up befriending the house elves there (so gryffindor parties basically had an endless supply of food). And despite the fact that the other Marauders loved him, he felt like he wasn’t part of them (nobody else thought that, he had low self esteem). He always felt too ugly or fat, and completely useless among them (they were all losers, but he idolized James). Among his hobbies, there was cooking (he’s the only Marauder who could cook (Sirius was NOT allowed to, James wanted to experiment with ingredients so much that there was a 50% chance that the kitchen would explode, Remus knew how to make pasta and That Was It)), baking, playing chess, drawing, board games (HE DEFINITELY GOT THE MARAUDERS INTO DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS LIKE THERE IS NO WAY THEY WOULDN’T LOVE THAT (Peter would DM, James and Sirius would LOVE the roleplaying part of it and Remus would nerd out with Peter (both Tolkien fans (yes, I’m projecting)))), reading, chatting with others (I see Peter as an ambivert who’d be either shy af and stay in a corner at parties or a social butterfly and befriend LOTS of people (the skittles tolerated him, the valkyries loved to hang out with him, etc). His best class was herbology (hehe like Neville) but he was also really good at potions (knew so many plants and so much about their effects that he created his own potions sometimes) and transfiguration.

sorry for the late answer 😅

[regulusmoonbeam]

OH DAMN OKAY— THINK ABT WHAT U WANT ME TO DO NEXT OKAY

tw talks of ww2, abuse, and other sensitive topics

UHHHHH ILL DO WALBURGA BC U WERE TALKING ABOUT HER EARLIER

I hate her, I'll preface this with that, but I'm just diving into her character and how she became the way she did

we know almost basically nothing about her, besides her relationship to Sirius and reg, and what she kinda did

but like her when she was younger

but first, we've gotta analyze the time period and how that affected her values

Sirius was born in 1959, and if we estimate Walburga was somewhat young when she had him (seeing as she was probably betrothed) so let's place her at having Sirius in her 20s maybe like 23-25

so that means she was born around 1934 at the very least (In this scenario)

and while ww2 is going on for the muggles, don't you think it'd be a perfect time for blood supremacists to kill a bunch of muggles and halfbloods without getting caught?

I'd think so

So like the black family being who they are, had engrained it in their children from a young age that anyone that wasn't a pure blood was automatically beneath them

and as a child who was extremely wealthy due to her blood, why would walburga find an issue with that? not to mention she was very smart, which seemed to even further prove her parents point

she was the top of her class, cold and calculating, but knew how to be diplomatic

everyone either adored her or hated her, usually both

she was destined for greatness, to be a prominent figure in the wizarding world, but sexism would never allow things to be that simple

she was able to get a job at the ministry of magic at the young age of 19, it was never seen or heard of before, for someone so young and talented (and a woman) to get that job

the same job Orion Black wanted. Orion was never far behind his cousin when it came to grades, prominence, or anything else, but he was always second to walburga

it was always walburga this, Walburga that, and Orion— knowing his whole life he was to be married to her— was ready to cash in on that vow and take Walburga's job away from her

this is how, in the 1930s for certain jobs women were forced to resign if they had gotten married, and I feel like this would have been especially true in the wizarding world

so a few years after getting a lower level job at the ministry than walburga did, he brought up the topic of marriage to his parents, spouting stuff about how they should get married now and try to have kids now before it was too late, and before walburga's prominence withered

and they agreed. so that next year after they turned 22, Orion and walburga were married

needless to say, walburga was PISSED but she knew it was useless to protest getting married, so all she asked for was one more year at her job and one year to plan the wedding

which meant she had 2 years to postpone the wedding, hence why they got married at 22 and not 20

But even then, Walburga knew it was Orion's jealousy that did this to her. doomed her to be a "submissive and inferior being"

She wanted to be ahead, to show how much better she was than everyone else, not stuck inside a house taking care of kids

which is where Sirius and regulus come in

I would like to preface this by saying she was never a good mother in my mind, but she wasn't as gung ho as abusive at first

she has Sirius when she was 23, and regulus when she was 25

She was just neglectful at first, not taking care of Sirius more than the bare minimum, and even then, sometimes she didn't do that

Sirius mainly taken care of my house elves, barely seeing his mother for the first four years of his life, and if he did see her, she was curt, dismissive, and short tempered

but she never physically hurt him

that wasn't until regulus came along. Regulus' pregnancy was much harder on walburga than Sirius', which only pissed her off more when he was born

Sirius, being only a toddler when regulus was born, was the object of walburgas newfound wrath

he would be left without food for periods of time, threatened when he cried, and more

but it wasn't until he was 4 that the punishments upped. with age came a stronger body, and a stronger body meat it could sustain more damage

that's when the beatings started, it would be a slap here an there, instructions to use corporal punishments in his tutoring if he was wrong, getting hit in the knuckles with rulers if he cried

Sirius got most of walburgas attention at this point in time, since Sirius had asked kreacher to keep regulus away from their mother as much as possible

when Sirius was 7 and regulus was 5, the cursed started. the unforgivables

every year spent in that house was one more year walburga got more bitter, more angry. and she couldn't take it out on her husband, so who better and more vulnerable than the kids?

she ground the teachings her parents taught her as a child into them, to extremes, with punishments if they didn't obey

the first unforgivable she used was when little Sirius had asked her why their bloodline made them better than everyone else

and without so much as an answer, she used her first crucio on Sirius

the little boy writhed in pain and a part of walburga couldn't help but enjoy it, seeing him in pain

it was payback, revenge for the life they took away from her. making them feel only a portion of her pain.

but if she couldn't do it herself, she would mold her children into everything she was supposed be and more, and would make sure they wouldn't stray

which is why Sirius leaving destroyed her so much. Sirius was very smart, he reminded walburga of herself when she was younger, but he always always went against what she wanted and she couldn't stand it

she believed that the more harsh she got, maybe he would finally fall into line, to let her live through him

he was her only way out, even if by living vicariously through him

but then he left. he put a stain on their family. she despised him. how could her son betray her like that when he was destined for greatness?

She couldn't fathom it. she allowed herself one mistake, one slip up. she wouldn't mess up again. she'd get it right with regulus.

she was harsher on regulus than anyone could have ever imagined, and Orion didn't even care. He had what he wanted, his high up job and an heir, who cared about the disowned son now?

Regulus, having no one left to protect him faced the full force of walburga, and obediently fell into line

he was the perfect heir, at least on the outside. he was smart, but not the way walburga wanted him to be. she wanted another sirius, but had a regulus

she made sure he studied, and was at the top of his class. if he wasn't, she made sure he knew what would happen

and when Voldemort arose, she made sure he was on track to joining the death eaters

walburga was elated she was finally going to get what she wanted, but then regulus died. she was crushed, a shell of her prominent, assertive self after that. because once more, she was so close, and yet gotten her dreams taken from her

Even the fact that Orion(the person who took everything from her)died that same year couldn't bring her back to herself

she died years later, alone in the house she was trapped in

ARRGRHRHEGHEHEHEHEHRGRHEGEGEGEHEHRHERGEHHRHGHGHGHGHHGH

ARGHGHGHHGHHGHGHH

OH MY GODDDDD

IM GONNA TWEAK

[balrogballs]

I'm so curious - how do you divide your writing schedule between fanfiction and original work? Do you have a daily word goal or time goal that you like to commit to?

I'm heartened to see a professional writer who still engages with fandom. I'd love to hear more about your experience balancing the two!

Haha the trick is that I don’t balance, I only write fanfic when I’m not working on anything original, rather than splitting between the two.

So after the publisher has your finished draft, there can be lengthy stretches where I don’t have to do much except sign off changes. I’m referring to the genre/topics I work on but: sensitivity read, legal read, fact-checking, development edit, line edit etc. All these stages have a longish turnaround period where I’m not actively involved, only consulted (if that!). A con of publishing with a bigger house is far less control, but a pro is more free time lmfao.

More below since this is me rambling so that I don’t have to answer the asks about whether or not I made up the HoME quote about elves shitting (guys what do you think).

I would not work on FF while I have irl book work due, but other than consulting with the publishers, I’m not tied to much until closer to release. My day job also involves travel hence I write on trains etc a lot.

I think there are both pros and cons to juggling the two, to answer your question. Biggest pro is that writing fanfic is 100% what helped me develop as a writer IRL. And writing IRL means I’m often expected to work to tight deadlines so am able to write fast for fandom stuff, gift exchanges etc.

Cons — I’m a shite proofreader, because I have been spoilt by having line edits done for me. I can be a (stylistic) perfectionist re: my own writing, which detracts from my own experience because I am doing this for fucks and memes, not the NYT.

Also amusingly, I actually haven’t been on any fandom spaces except AO3 since I was 15 — I made this account last October to share academic notes from a historiographical fic I wrote, Cast in Stone, aka give people homework like a complete freak.

I ended up not doing that and doing *gestures at Balrog-brand* instead because I have a boring ✨ intellectual ✨ profile IRL and frankly was too young to jump into the poco litfic arena, so I love being a feral louse here 🥰

[ouatnextgen]

these are some stock images i found that are giving christmas cygnet scholar! 😁

Adorable! That last one is so cute, I had to write a drabble for it <3

Thanks for sending these!

(drabble under the cut)

Christmas in Storybrooke was always...a bit different from what the movies said small town Christmases were like.

That doesn't mean they didn't try, though.

They didn't have a mall, or...any place really, where kids could meet and take pictures with 'Santa,' so every year they'd doll up an old abandoned farm house and dub it 'Santa's Workshop.' They'd hire in some older guy to play Santa--it almost always ended up being Gepetto--and manage to convince the local youth on Christmas break to be hired on as his elves.

Hence, why Hope and Gideon were in their current predicament.

Usually, to gain Christmas present money, Hope would shovel driveways and sidewalks for her elderly and/or lazy neighbors.

But it was December 20th, and it had not snowed a single inch.

Desperate, Hope had taken the Santa's Workshop job, and convinced her best friend/ secret boyfriend to do it with her.

Gideon was always good at saving money, so he didn't necessarily need to take the job. But he never could say no to Hope.

Which was how he ended up in a scratchy green tunic, ill-fitting green tights, and a stupid hat with giant plastic elf ears attached to the sides.

"I'm telling you, Gid. We need to come up with our elfsonas." He and Hope had been tasked with sweeping up the pine needles under the large Christmas tree, which was a never ending battle between sticky, sappy pine needles and the worst broom known to man.

"Hmm. Well, what's a good elfsona name?" Gideon smirked and leaned his chin against the broom handle. Even in an abhorrently colored green dress and plastic elf ears, Hope still managed to look beautiful.

"Tinsel McSleigh?"

"Jingle Holidayson." Gideon offered.

"Mary Christmas...but spelled M-A-R-Y."

"Pepper M. Int."

"Frosty the Elfman."

"Buddy the Elf, but not that one."

A shadow suddenly fell over the Christmas tree. "Elves. Quick yapping and get back to work." Gretel, who'd been hired on as 'head elf,' was standing there with her hands on her hips, looking grumpy.

"Sorry, Gretel." They both chimed, and giggled a little bashfully.

As soon as Gretel walked away, the conversation recommenced. Just quieter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After a grueling six hours of sweeping pine needles, herding small children through long lines, and wrapping prop presents, the two teens were more than excited to ditch their 'elfsonas' and leave.

"Freedom!" Hope lifted her arms and spun around. "Until tomorrow, at least. Aw, man..."

Gideon chuckled, lightly tossing his arm around her shoulder. "Think of the paycheck, Hope."

"Eyes on the prize." She agreed, squinting up at the sky. "It looks like it's gonna snow."

Gideon looked up as well. Sure enough, the clouds had that...look to them, like something was gonna happen. "Let's hope it at least snows in time for Christmas."

"Bet you $5 of my elf money that it'll be too cold for snow." She shivered, snuggling closer to Gideon. "'Cause that's just our luck."

"Actually, that's a common misconception. Snow can occur at any cold temperature, it's the humidity of an area that determines how much snowfall-"

Hope reached up and gently grabbed Gideon's cheek. "Hey, Gid?"

"Uh...yeah?" He blushed.

"I'm gonna kiss you now."

So she did, cupping his cheek in her cold hand.

The kiss was chaste and short, but Hope always had a way of leaving Gideon breathless no matter what.

"What ever happened to surprising our parents with us at Christmas dinner?" He asked, moving his arm around her middle like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Hope shrugged, mischief dancing in her blue eyes. "They won't find out. Watch." She kissed him again, this time using her hand to block their connected lips from view. "Foolproof."

They pulled away from each other, grinning like idiots in love. And that's when they noticed the change in weather.

"Hey! It's snowing!" Hope held out her hand, catching a fat snowflake on her palm.

Gideon chuckled. "Wow. It's like our kiss made it snow, or something."

"I mean...stranger things have happened in this town." Hope cocked her head, genuinely considering the possibility.

"Sure. Let's go with that. It's not just nature." He took her hand, pressing a kiss to the back of it. "Let's go home. I seem to remember you promising me a Mario Kart rematch."

She smirked, competitive side flaring. "Ready for me to win again, you mean?"

"You wish!"

The two of them continued to bicker, all the way home.