#Heaven save me I've started posting them

[lamuradex]

Short Story: Last Resort

Tales of Hero City Collection

Word Count: 4952

Comedy / Super Hero Short Story

The life of a henchman is a complicated one, especially after your boss retires from villainy. Unfortunately, the hero can't seem to get it through his thick skull that the boss isn't evil anymore.

AO3 Link, for those that want it:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63754813

Full Story Under The Break

Last Resort

The bartender stood behind the bar, cleaning a glass with a cloth. He was wearing a suitably tropical shirt, as the bar faced onto the beach, the waves lapping about thirty yards away, just past the sand and a concrete walkway. Customers milled around, one walking up and ordering a fruity beverage. The bartender smiled and quickly made the drink. Satisfied, the customer went to find a seat.

Ah, this is the life, the barman thought, enjoying the sea air. He glanced down to straighten his name badge. It read “14”. He polished it proudly with a thumb.

Then something caught his eye and his smile dropped.

Walking past was a sturdily built man in a trench coat. His face was mostly covered by a hat, dark glasses, and a fake moustache and beard. The efforts to disguise himself ironically made him stand out like a sore thumb amongst the bikinis and swim trunks of the beach.

Oh hell, 14 frowned. This was going to be one of those days. Still, there was time before it all went wrong. 14 reflected if he was getting paid enough to deal with this. He already knew the answer though. Unfortunately, he was.

14 had always liked his job, not that it had always been easy. But, at this point, he certainly felt like he’d earned his place. He’d scrapped with the best of them. Cut his teeth on the usual scut work. Gotten his share of broken bones. Hell, he’d even been thrown through a brick wall once or twice. That had put him in hospital, for sure, but he always came back, no matter how many superheroes tried to stop him.

You see, 14 was an evil henchmen, and proud of it.

Henchman 14 pulled back from his thoughts and glanced up at the billboard across the plaza. There he was, the boss, portrayed across the display. It was a face a villain could be proud of. Blue skinned, one bionic eye, and a massive grey beard of lightning shaped hairs. It was the infamous face of Mr Intellitron, which was advertising the new 3 for 2 offer.

The days had been when that blue mug would strike fear into the heart of a populace. Giant robots, death rays, and massive airships accompanied by menacing laughter.

Or, at least, 14 assumed it was menacing. He rarely listened to it. For as long as he could remember, it was always being filtered through monitors, walls, or bank vault doors. That was the life of an evil henchmen though. You never got to see the action until it was punching you in the face.

14 stopped from his reverie and looked around. The bulky man in the coat had disappeared. He considered going to tell security, or maybe to try and track the man himself, but another customer approached to order a drink. And the situation would sort itself out… hopefully.

As the customer left, she eyed the drink carefully, as if it might explode. 14 wasn’t surprised. Everyone knew who the resort staff used to be. Most had come with the boss, all former henchmen from the villain days. Not everyone though, and the interviews for new employees had been an awkward process, well-meaning crooks turning up looking for criminal work. Most of them were hired as security or accountants. Honestly, there wasn’t really anyone at Intellitron Resorts that didn’t have some kind of shady past. But they all deserved a second chance, right? 14 wondered how many chances he was on, and how many digits were in the number.

Henchman 14 had started out, many years ago, as just a hired goon. He’d worked his way up to grunt, then he was a crook, then a thug. Promotion was rapid in those days. And for a few years he worked for a crime boss, Mrs Elenor Tramridge, with 14 working more directly for her two behemoth sons, Brickhead and Kneecaps. They were nice fellas, assuming they weren’t trying to break your legs.

Eventually, 14 became a proper henchman, segueing into supervillainy when Tramridge divorced a villain and lost half her goons in the proceedings. So 14 was taken on by Battering Sam, a boxing themed villain. And from there it had started. Henchman work.

Honestly, it was everything he’d expected. Guard that door? Get punched out by superhero. Move that loot? Get punched out by superhero. Go operate that doom drill? Get thrown half a mile by superhero.

Of course, it was still criminal work, illegal by nature, but it paid and no one else was hiring. And 14 had worked for a few villains over the years, most just small-timers, and repeatedly got punched out by crime fighters.

And then there was Mr Intellitron.

Wanting a change, he’d applied for a job doing lab work, which didn’t sound too hard. All he needed to do was carry chemicals and not blow himself up. And, as a plus, he was far enough from the fight that he stopped getting punched in the face. It was a sweet gig. Intellitron would even visit the labs, and he’d shout at his scientists, but he never shouted at the assistants carrying chemicals unless they did something stupid in his presence.

But then the labs started getting targeted by heroes. In response, Intellitron started arming the laboratory staff, where 14 quickly discovered a proficiency with firearms, or at least the auto-aiming lasers Intellitron gave them. And apparently this was enough to impress someone, because he was ranked up to henchman again, and then all the way up to bodyguard. He was part of a small team, twenty men, all to guard Intellitron himself. It was the big leagues.

Unfortunately, Intellitron wasn’t one for names. He gave his bodyguards numbers, one to twenty, which of course made it easier to replace them when they died. But to a henchman it was a mark of respect. A rank. You had a duty. A responsibility. You had a job to do. It was truly honourable work… in a dishonourable sort of way.

Standing at the bar, 14 admired his badge again. He honestly preferred “14” to his real name at this point. Ed was so ordinary and plain, but the name “14” meant something. He was part of something bigger. Part of schemes and plots and ploys. He hadn’t even used his so-called real name in decades, and not just because of his criminal record a mile long. He really wasn’t fond of the name, which wasn’t much of a surprise. It had not been an easy life…

Since his youth he’d been through a lot. His parents had died, murdered by some lunatic in an alley, he’d had few friends, with most of them leaving his life in a dramatic fashion or dying with poignant last words, and he’d been caught in almost a dozen lab accidents even before he became a henchman… And to add insult to injury he’d had monetary issues since the day he could work.

14 sneered to himself. Supers thought they owned the monopoly on tragic backstories, but it was just most people went to therapy rather than stuffing themselves into spandex. But unfortunately, there would always be those who did. There would always be heroes.

And 14 had faced them all, more or less. Intellitron was a big time villain. Sure, he wasn’t as giant as Annihilator, or as powerful as the dreaded Dark Dragon, but Intellitron was still formidable. And those other villains were terrible bosses, with a habit of trying to destroy the world or kill their henchmen. Rumour had it Annihilator only started building robots because his henchmen went on strike.

However, Mr Intellitron was simply about profit and changing the world for the better. Sure, he wanted to subjugate people and occasionally used giant space lasers to destroy those that disagreed with him, but ultimately he wasn’t the worst of the bunch.

But heroes still came to stop him.

And so, over the years, Henchmen 14 had been punched out by every hero going. Big Hitter, Stealth Watcher, The D-Fender, Watch Man, The Wandering Fist, Melancholy, Fist Puncher, Big William, Undead Woman, The Cartwheeler, Elder Wizard, The Unknowable Helmet and even Gun Shooter. He’d been knocked unconscious by them all, but none more than one. None more than the mighty Justice Man.

Flight, super strength, telekinesis, and a bullet proof cape, Justice Man was the whole package. He was also a pain in the neck, sometimes literally. Always delivering heroic speeches about justice and honour, or sneaking through their bases in some ludicrous costume.

Pfft, 14 almost laughed. The self-proclaimed master of disguise, indeed. They always spotted him. Every time. It was obvious, the hero sneaking around in his trench coat. But Intellitron usually had a trap primed, so they had to let him through. Hell, on one occasion, Justice Man’s false beard had fallen off in front of Henchman 8. And when he laughed, Justice Man punched him.

That aside, Justice Man was a decent hero. One of the best even. Fast and strong, he could use his mind powers to pull robots apart, and he was able to hide under his indestructible cape to protect himself. And he beat Intellitron every time. Sure, the boss would make enough to keep paying the workers, but they’d often end up in prison by the end, but always ready to break right back out and start the whole thing all over again.

Ah, those were the days.

14 wondered where the so called “Master of Disguise” had gotten to. Any minute now, the hero would surely make his presence known. 14 wondered if he’d wind up getting punched in the face again. In some strange way he almost missed it.

Then he recalled having to eat meals through a straw. He looked back at the Intellitron sign, motorised so the villain was laughing over the wonderful deals. That was when some bodyguards ran past, heading towards the flume ride. Someone else had spotted the hero.

14 sighed. Some things never changed… Some things certainly did though.

It had begun when Intellitron had needed a new lair. Some hero, possibly Gun Shooter, had discovered Intellitron’s flying fortress and a team of heroes had blown it out of the sky. Months later, after everyone escaped prison again, the search for a new base began. Just a few weeks after that, Intellitron picked out a nice remote volcanic island, with lava moats and caves aplenty, with dozens of places to install traps and death pits. Classic.

The only problem was how noticeable it was. His previous lair had been near the edge of space. Difficult to spot. This was an island. A deserted island. Heroes would be watching and notice, especially Watch Man, given how much he watched things. To counter this, the boss came up with a genius solution… Actually, one of the henchmen had, but Intellitron robbed banks, it didn’t surprise anyone that he stole ideas too. The decision was made to build the lair underground, a holiday resort atop it to explain the traffic out to the island. Perfect.

Well, almost perfect. In hindsight, just putting everything underground might have done the trick. The resort on top just made it more conspicuous if anything.

Still, it worked. People flocked to the resort and henchmen became holiday staff. Mr Intellitron hid in the shadows, cooking up evil schemes and smuggling weapons to the main land on the passenger ferries. His crimes continued, he was arrested multiple times, as were his men, but the hideout wasn’t discovered. And everything had been good.

But then came the turning point. The day it all changed.

After-hours one night, the henchmen gathered and realised they hadn’t heard from Mr Intellitron for several days. His most recent plan, to take over the city with water-borne, microscopic, mind control robots, had failed when he discovered the robots dissolved in anything warmer than ice chips. A bit of a setback, but even so, within a day or two Intellitron usually would have a new scheme ready.

But this time no one had heard from him in nearly a week. The henchmen had to do something. They picked names from a hat to decide who would check on him. When they couldn’t find a hat, they used a twenty sided dice and 14 was chosen.

That night, 14 had knocked on the gigantic metal doors, the ones covered with murals of gears and electronics, which apparently no one thought was suspicious. When no one answered, he’d gently pushed the doors open and entered.

He still remembered their conversation, seared as it was into his very soul.

* * *

Mr Intellitron was sat in a great throne behind his desk, his blue skin and bizarre beard cast in the dancing light of the fireplace. Papers were littered over his desk, and the man himself was sat with a brandy in one hand, staring into space. If the brandy hadn’t been gently swirling, 14 would have feared he was dead.

“Sir?” 14 asked, his voice quivering.

No response.

“Mr Intellitron? Are you alright, sir?”

Still nothing.

“You’ve not given us any new orders, sir. Are you alright?”

Intellitron stopped and looked at 14, who still stood near the door. The villain’s bionic eye whirred and focused. He stopped swirling the brandy, placed it on his desk, and gestured for 14 to shoo. There was no energy to it though, the wave being far meeker than his usual commands.

“Sir? What’s wrong?” 14 asked, holding back terror at defying the instruction.

Intellitron stared into the fireplace.

“Is it something we did, sir, or some hero, or do you just need more time to-”

“We’re making money…” Intellitron cut him off quietly.

“Pardon, sir?”

“We’re making money. This resort is actually bringing in a profit,” the villain said, his usual malevolence tinged with something akin to confusion.

“That’s… great, isn’t it sir?”

“Yes. It is.” Intellitron picked up his brandy again. He didn’t drink it, just swirled it in his hand.

14 was worried. Something was clearly wrong, but he couldn’t talk out of turn. But he’d come this far…

“Is that a bad thing, sir? I mean… the men will certainly be pleased to know they’re getting paid.”

“We’re making a lot of money, 14,” Intellitron stated, glancing at tax forms on his desk.

“Alright?”

“We’re making more money than ever, 14. More than I’ve ever stolen. More than we ever made through villainy!” Mr Intellitron continued, his own confusion growing.

“What do you mean?”

“More than robbing banks. More than building robots. More than fighting heroes week to week. This resort is more profitable than anything I have ever done!” he snarled, his anger rising by the sentence. He stood from his chair to pace. “We have enough money to build anything we want.”

“Then what’s the problem, sir?” 14 asked, utterly baffled.

“What do I use it all for?”

The room fell silent. 14 thought. Mr Intellitron had always wanted to change the world. He used stolen money to build new inventions and weapons. But he built those weapons so he could steal money from the banks… so he could build more weapons…

They had always known their plans were a bit circular. Every villain had that problem. Fight the hero, get beaten by the hero. Occasionally a hero would get killed or the villain would die, but any endgame was difficult to plan for when you were likely getting punched by Justice Man before you got there. Most villains were passionate, if irrational. Following a dream but not a plan. Like dogs chasing cars…

But with money, there was no need to steal. No need to scheme. No need to rob or wreck or ruin. There was no goal.

And no endgame either. No purpose. No point.

“Why am I doing this?” Intellitron said worriedly.

And 14 couldn’t answer him.

* * *

And that had been that. There had been a few more vain attempts at villainy, half-hearted plans to steal high class tech, before they realised they had no use for it. They kidnapped the mayor, then realised they had no need for the ransom. They prepared to take over the city, but then couldn’t decide what they wanted to do afterwards. It was all so… pointless.

And so it ended. Mr Intellitron filed his papers with the Villains Bureau and retired from the world of villainy. The secret underground lab became the underground storage complex. The volcano command centre became the geothermal power station. The submersible escape tunnels became the oceanic marine tours. It was over.

Mr Intellitron turned from building weapons to building rides and theme park mascots, as all henchmen became official employees. Of course, the transition to the public eye had been tricky. But after six months without any evil incident, most people just decided to live and let live.

Except for Justice Man. He really had some trouble with the concept.

14 thought for a moment, then abandoned his post. He knew where the hero would likely go.

The park plaza was very busy, as a massive crowd surrounded the central stage. 14 hurried through, glancing around, but it wasn’t difficult to find the caped crusader. He was standing at the back of the crowd trying to look inconspicuous. Of course, in doing so, all hunched and shady looking, he stood out like there was a neon sign pointed at him. His fake beard was crooked for a start.

14 wandered over to him. The hero was wearing his long brown trench coat, an artificial nose, beard, moustache, and glasses. 14 reached out and tapped him on the shoulder.

“Excuse me, sir?” he began. The hugely muscled man span round in his tiny trench coat. 14 didn’t bat an eye. “May I speak to you for a moment, away from the crowd?”

“I am waiting for the floor show,” Justice Man answered in a ridiculously high pitched accent. “Go away.”

“Sir, if you would just come with me.”

“I am waiting for the show,” Justice Man repeated. He shifted his beard uneasily.

“I know it’s you, Justice Man,” 14 stated simply. He had waited years to do that. “Could you come with me?”

Justice Man was shocked. His face fell and he gawked so hard his beard fell off. This was quickly followed by the moustache and glasses. The nose stayed put.

“Inconceivable!” Justice Man muttered, the accent dropped for his natural deep heroic tones. “How did you see through my disguise?”

The nearby crowd turned to see the hero standing in their midst. A few muttered about it, but most were unsurprised.

“Just lucky I guess,” 14 sighed. “Could you please come with me, sir?”

“I’m on a mission, civilian,” he responded, trying and failing to whisper.

“I realise that, sir, but would you please come with me for a moment?” 14 could tell Justice Man wasn’t moving. “It’s of vital importance,” he added sternly.

“If I must,” Justice Man relented.

With that, they wandered a distance from the crowd. The stage was still in sight, but they had moved to a more secluded area, where the only bystander was a hot dog vendor with a Number 6 name badge. Henchman 6 saw Justice Man and quickly made himself scarce, as 14 and the hero stood near the cart.

“Ok,” 14 prepared himself.

He looked at the powerful figure before him. The chiselled features, the dark orange and blue outfit beneath the coat, the fists that he remembered all too well. In this light, the hero looked almost like famed philanthropist Justin Mann. Henchman 9 had always had a theory that they were the same person, but that was impossible. Justin wore a cowboy hat, while Justice Man was bald. Also, they were seen together, once, seven years ago. 14 remembered because that was the same week The Doppelgänger had first appeared on the scene.

“Ok,” 14 repeated to himself.

“Now look.” Justice Man cut in. “I know I have many fans, but I am quite busy.”

“I’m not a fan,” 14 said calmly.

“Oh, don’t be shy. Now that you’ve met me, you can see what a true hero is like,” the hero beamed, finally removing the fake nose. “I mean, people need role models,” he smiled broadly.

“We’ve met before, but that’s beside the point.” 14 tried to look as official as he could. “I wanted to make sure that you weren’t intending to make a scene, Justice Man.”

“I’m here to protect innocent people from evil. People like you,” the hero smiled again.

“Look, I know but…. Wait. What do you mean people like me?” 14 halted. Something squirmed inside of him. “Do you not know who I am?”

“Should I?” Justice Man asked genuinely.

“You should! You’ve punched me enough times!”

“Why would I punch you, civilian?”

“Because I am... I was an evil henchman!” he growled, anger bubbling over inside him.

“For who?”

14’s anger burst.

“For Mr Intellitron, you half brain! I can’t believe you don’t remember me! I was the one who hit you with the magma ray three years ago. I was the one turning the crank when Intellitron lowered you into a tank of poisonous sharks. You’ve broken 12 of my bones, thrown me out of 9 buildings, and punched me in the face over 500 times! How can you not remember me?”

“What’s your name?” Justice Man responded nonchalantly.

“Henchman 14!” 14 spat bitterly.

“Doesn’t ring a bell.”

Before either could say anything else, a loud shriek came from the crowd. Justice Man turned and flew, determined to save whoever was in distress. 14 however knew the floor show was starting and walked angrily after the superhero.

The way the show worked was a woman came on stage, acting all innocent and prattling about how it was a wonderful day where nothing could go wrong, then the stage lights would come down and from the shadows Mr Intellitron, or his stunt double Phil, would appear in the boss’s latest mechanical monster, laughing manically. The woman would do a fake scream and a fake hero would come out and save the day. Simple, corny, but it always drew the crowds.

It was, of course, the scream of the actress which had caught Justice Man’s ear. 14 pushed to the front of the crowd, just as the hero landed on stage between the robotic monstrosity, today resembling a kangaroo, and the actress. The crowd crooned excitedly.

“Stop, villain!” Justice Man called. The robot kangaroo loomed over him, hissing and whirring. The actress, Melissa, just looked annoyed that her line had been stepped on before her dramatic “Save Me” speech.

“You cannot stop me, hero,” rattled the metallic voice of the robot. A dome on its cranium was translucent and a figure could be seen inside, deliberately hamming it up with theatrical arm flailing. “I will kidnap this woman and rule the world!”

“Not if I stop you,” Justice Man answered, standing as heroically as he could.

Melissa seemed to realise that something was off script. A man in the crowd, who 14 recognised as stuntman Phil, was dressed as a generic superhero and looking nervous. Intellitron was the one in the robot today.

“Save me, hero,” Melissa warbled, before running off stage towards Phil.

And with that, Justice Man leapt into the air and prepared to clobber the giant mechanical marsupial. For a minute or so, it was like old times. The giant robot leapt about, dodging and weaving. Justice Man landed blow after blow, avoiding the giant mechanical feet. Lasers fired from the kangaroo’s eyes and briefly stunned the muscular hero, only for him to recover as Intellitron laughed theatrically. Finally, Justice Man leapt and gripped the robot with his mind powers, tearing the head from its shoulders and dumping it on the floor nearby. As Justice Man landed beside it, the dome slid open and Mr Intellitron flopped out melodramatically.

The crowd roared in applause. Beside the control dome, Intellitron wailed mournfully at being defeated, as Justice Man glared down at him. Henchmen 14 knew that look. It was the look just before someone got punched.

Fortunately, that was when Melissa came back on stage.

“My hero,” she marvelled, clinging to his arm almost to restrain him.

Justice Man turned to see her, and in response he posed as heroically as he could. Melissa stared up at him admiringly, then glanced nervously over to Henchmen 14, then meaningfully to a point in the crowd. 14 followed her gaze and spotted Phil and a group of heavily armed security, waiting for a signal. The signal didn’t come.

“Thank you for coming, ladies and gentlemen,” Mr Intellitron called proudly, clambering out of the robot dressed in a cliché scientist’s outfit, with random cogs and gears glued on for good measure. “Thank you to every single one of you. This has been a wonderful performance. And a special thanks goes to our hero…” He gestured to the caped crusader, only to freeze as he saw him for the first time. “…Our good friend, Justice Man,” he played it off.

The crowd burst into further applause. Justice Man looked ready to interrupt, but Melissa stepped in first.

“Please come back for our 4 o’clock show and our 7 o’clock show. There is also the 10 o’clock show, but that is for teens and upwards,” she called out to the crowd. Mr Intellitron waved happily, and Justice Man stood confused. 14 decided it was time to get involved. He ran over to the burly hero.

“You see, Justice Man? Nothing evil going on,” 14 reassured. “Just a stage show. Now, if you could be on your way…”

“Hold on, 14,” Intellitron called over. It was said politely, but that metal tinged voice still made 14 shudder. “I want to speak with our guest.” Even with villainy behind him, the way he said “guest” made it sound like “prisoner”.

“I will put an end to your evil reign,” Justice Man spouted. He still looked confused. “I will not rest until your evil has been locked away for all eternity.”

“And that’s respectable,” Intellitron accepted. “But there’s nothing evil going on here. Not anymore.”

“You say that, but you have evil robots.” He pointed at the wreckage.

“So does every theme park,” Intellitron smiled.

“That one had death beams!”

“Stun beams,” Intellitron corrected. “They didn’t kill you, did they? I can’t afford to kill my actors.” He glanced over at Phil, who was chatting with someone, angry about missing his performance.

“You were trying to kidnap a woman!”

“Her? That’s Melissa. She’s been acting here for 2 and a half years. I heard she also does theatre in the city. She’s perfectly safe.”

“But…” Justice Man was drawing a blank. His voice had lost some of its heroic depth. “This is your evil lair.”

“It’s a holiday resort,” Intellitron grinned. “Look, Justice, can I call you Justice?” Justice Man didn’t respond. “Justice, I understand that it must be difficult for you to trust me after our history.”

“You put me in so many death traps,” Justice Man reminisced.

“And what villain hasn’t? But you need to let this go. I’m not up to anything. The police, FBI, CIA, NSA and even the CSI have each been all over this island with a dozen fine tooth combs, not to mention the IRS. It’s all clean and above board. We even have The Wandering Fist as a guest hero every few months. I’ve put evil behind me.”

“And why should I believe you?” Justice Man said suspiciously. Intellitron seemed to mull the question over for a minute. Luckily, 14 had the answer.

“Because, in all the time I’ve worked here, I haven’t gotten punched once. If we were being evil, I would definitely have gotten punched by now. Or thrown through a brick wall. Or sent flying on a doom drill,” 14 stated, glad to be rid of such perils. “It’s the best paying job I’ve ever had, the safest job I’ve ever had, and by far the most legal job I’ve ever had.”

Justice Man looked at 14 and thought. He looked around at the park and all the happy people. He could see some people were forming a queue to get autographs from either Intellitron or Justice Man, or both. Finally, the hero relaxed.

“Alright…” he muttered. “But I’m keeping an eye on you, Mr Intellitron.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, old friend,” Intellitron smirked. “Though, if you do turn up again, could you be a bit more theatrical with the show? I normally try to make it last a bit longer.” He turned to the destroyed robot. “And go a bit easier on my machines? That will be hell to fix.”

“We’ll see,” the hero smiled, his gallantry returned. “Now, to meet with my adoring fans,” he proclaimed, wandering over to the growing line of people. Intellitron and 14 just watched him for a moment.

“That was a nice speech there, 14. Short but effective,” Intellitron complimented. “It’s good to know you enjoy your work.”

“Thank you, Mr Intellitron,” 14 said nervously. “I’ve been working on it for a while.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. Me and the other henchmen have an ongoing pool over how long it takes before Justice Man thinks you’re evil again. Gives you time to plan how to get rid of him.”

“And who won this time?”

“Henchmen 12. I was just shy by a couple of weeks.”

“Oh well,” Intellitron patted 14 on the back. “Better luck next time.”

[quilliums]

U alive?

Eh kinda. I think I've been on tumblr maybe a handful of times in the last two or so months and I'll favorite a few things then leave again. To be real with you? It's all so fucking fake and empty to me anymore.

I very quickly got more done then I can put into words with pretty much everyone I follow and everyone who follows me and all of tumblr.

It's not going to sound good because I'm not going to sugar coat this or walk it back because that'll be useless. Everyone is just going to twist whatever I say at this point so here it is:

It is very telling that when I, a trans man, reblogged posts (and directly asked mutuals) to literally do nothing and not spend money on the new IPs that came out this year that actively use that money to harm trans people I was told to mind my business. That their personal blogs and spending habits have no impact on trans people and that my request to literally do nothing instead of spending money, again to DO NOTHING, to help trans people was unreasonable. But. But that's fine what ever. I'll just mind my business I guess and only reblog helpful stuff, positivity, and fandom. That's cool we'll all stay in our corners and that'll be the end of it. Nah tho. Because when I do nothing, when I don't want my blog, the one the very same people said shouldn't be concerned with suffering, taken over by literal live footage of children dieing and some of the most horrific things some how I'm actively participating in genocide.

When others actually participate in my suffering the request to do nothing is too much and how dare anyone even imply that makes them a participant in trans deaths. When I do nothing, on a god damn tumblr blog let's remember the stakes here and the difference between literally giving money to fund transphobia and me simply not reblogging something, in the face of others suffering I'm automatically an antisemitic hate mongering participant in a genocide.

[ashes-in-a-jar]

I haven't thought much about Jonathan Sims for long enough that I kinda feel like I've started thinking about him a little more divorced of the emotional attachment I might have had once. Because I just saw a post lamenting his slow descent into inhumanity and losing his identity, becoming the archivist rather than Jonathan Sims, losing his friends, his house, everything he loves.

But is that true? That put upon head archivist persona he had in the beginning, was that really him? The way I see it, real life has already leached him of any identity he might have had, he didn't really have friends, Tim and Sasha clearly weren't, as we saw in their season 5 recording. He chose to make them his subordinates over beib friends, pushed away Georgie, he became so desperate for approval that he agreed to take a job he clearly has no idea how to do, let his stress over it isolate him from everyone around him, had a desperate need to assert himself in the beginning of every recording as 'head archivist of the Magnus institute london'. Forget about even having a home, he often slept in his office for heaven's sake.

The way I see it, this story is about him finding himself, finding the perfect place for himself in this already doomed world that was already strangling him and everyone around him. He became the Archivist, no longer needing to connect himself to some godforsaken capitalistic institute to identify himself. found his role, he enjoyed its power, even admitted to it. He found love. He found purpose in trying to save the world. In the end he was surrounded with the friends he made along the way (as friendly as they could be under the circumstances). He was finally allowed to make real choices, have true responsibility over himself and not be some tired corporate worker, part of a tired pointless system. Sure his choices weren't that great, and getting there was through outside manipulation and his own ignorance and he had to suffer immensely and pay an awful price of what we like to call his "humanity" but he Became and found what we all look for - his calling.

"It's still me" he says in the last episode. Because he is. He lost nothing and gained everything. Even dying in his lover's arms.

Forget about being human. In the end Jon achieves apotheosis and truly becomes Jonathan Sims

[omgeto]

girlll, I've been thinking what would be the reaction of jjk men when the reader tells them that they wanna sit on their faces

✩ WHEN YOU ASK TO SIT ON THEIR FACE — GOJO, TOJI, GETO, NANAMI.

summary: you ask to sit on their face, they react. that's all I got.

cw: smut, duh, so MDNI, afab!reader.

an: here you go anon, hope you enjoy... and I hope no-one STEALS THE NANAMI PART OF THIS FIC smh loool. but ive posted so major slay for me.

✩GOJO: “oh you wanna sit on my face huh?” gojo smirks, cockiness exuding him as he eyes your thig hs rubbing together as you squirm in your seat and shyly nod your head. his hand parts your legs slightly and his fingers gently brush against your wet slit, just enough to coat his fingers. he pops his fingers in mouth, tasting you with a smile, “you’re always too sweet to me,” he praises, “letting me taste you and lay under your sweet sweet pussy.” his wet finger, still covered with you, pushes into your mouth as you begin to taste yourself. “see how good you taste?” he asks with a smile as you nod, your mouth still wrapped around his finger, “then c’mon sit down, so i can get a full meal.”

✩ TOJI: “get up here then,” toji beckons you. you are already straddling him, your pussy resting atop of his stomach. you crawl your way up his body, your clit feeling the hardness of his abs as you pause, rubbing your cunt against his chest, already stimulated. toji watches in amusement, loving the way he can get you off with any part of his body. “you already making a mess for me?” he comments, feeling the trail of your juices pool on his chest. he grins at the way you slowly nod your head, “save it for my mouth,” he finishes dragging you up onto his face.

✩GETO: “i thought you’d never ask,” geto breathes out, excitedly. he’s been waiting for this, he loves to eat you out, the way you’d always push his face deep into your cunt, as his tongue drags against your slit, darting in and out of you. so the idea of him being sandwiched between his bed and your pussy feels like heaven, he couldn’t wait to be nestled in your thighs as you pull on his hair, moaning at all the pleasure that he’s giving to you. he pauses in anticipation as you hover over his face your thighs buckling as he gives your clit a quick peck. as you  finally cushion his face, his head pressed between your thighs, you could feel his mouth turn into a wide smile as it covers your pussy.

✩NANAMI: “you don't have to be embarrassed,” nanami coos, chuckling at your flushed face as he loosens his tie and carries you over to his bed. he bites his lip at the sight of your glistening pussy, and he smirks thinking about when you cutely asked him if you could try sitting on his face, he jumped at the chance. he lays down, caressing your thigh, giving your clit a slight pinch to indicate that you can hop on him. he blissfully groans as you perch your on him, you could feel the vibrations across your pussy as you already start to spill down his chin before he even begins to work at your cunt.

AN: guys I posted wow can I actually get some form of medal or even a cookie for this since wowzers I have been really NOT fucking w what I’ve been writting lately however one day I shall write a good ol fic for you I promise but for now I hope you enjoyed this short short smutty piece of fiction

[dubiousanon]

if you wanted to post any of your wips… *tucks hair behind ear*

I have SO MANY that I literally don't know what to choose, I've got decision paralysis 😭 let me list a few, and maybe if anyone wants elaboration, I can go from there? If anyone even reads this? I definitely want to post something new on Ao3 soon!!!

These are all fics I'm working on and eventually plan to post (: this, I'd appreciate if you asked before using plots for personal work outside reposts!

Knock Knock (Who's There?): (KakaNaru)

When Naruto moves into his new apartment following his return to the village after training with Jiraiya for two years, he doesn't expect it to come with a roommate. But when he opens his closet, it seems to lead into... another apartment. One inhabited by a quiet teenager in a dog ANBU mask.

Naruto is nothing if not good at making friends. Nobody can blame Hound for getting attached, can they?

OR: Naruto's closet leads to another dimension— one where a younger Kakashi is drowning in ANBU. Good thing he's got a cute new neighbor intent on keeping him company.

-Dimension travel! An alternate version of Kakashi exists in a mirror world, which is somehow connected via Naruto's new closet.

-(alternate) Kakashi falls fast and hard and is pretty much fiending, he's so touch starved and so emotionally repressed. He takes one look at Naruto and he's gone.

-Naruto is so accepting of him and free of any judgement that it's impossible for (alternate) Kakashi not to get attached.

-Big Kakashi still very much exists and is very much horrified when it all clicks together. He was a hellion at 17, and now that version of himself has latched onto Naruto? Are you shitting him?

-Basically (alternate) Kakashi being down bad, Naruto being cheerful as ever, and yeah. Shenanigans.

-The Uchiha clan hasn't died yet in (alternate) Kakashi's dimension either. Food for thought.

Deep Down: (KakaNaru)

Naruto gets hit by a jutsu that scrambles not only his chakra, but his memories as well. He can't seem to recall anything. Somehow, this leads to him taking one look at Kakashi and assuming that hey, this must be his husband.

Kakashi, in love with Naruto for years now but never planning to act on it, panics. Worse, Sakura says going against what Naruto says could confuse him and make the injury worse. Kakashi needs to play along.

OR: Naruto loses his memory, assumes Kakashi is his husband, and Kakashi suffers through a dream he knows will inevitably end when Naruto fully remembers.

-A few years post war and Kakashi's feelings are so severe that it's starting to affect him in real life. He can barely work without zoning out thinking of Naruto. When Naruto is around, all he can do is stare.

-When Naruto loses his memory, he sees that stare— which is filled with blatant affection— and makes the natural leap to "this must be my husband."

-Kakashi is in heaven but suffering too. This is exactly what he wants, but it'll go away once Naruto remembers And now that he's gotten a taste, he's desperate for more, more, more.

-Naruto eventually remembers but doesn't really mention it, because he's a little shit.

Darker Still: (ShikaNaru)

When the war goes sideways, all Shikamaru can seem to focus on is Naruto. Still so bright and bold and full of life even as the world falls apart around them, all he wants to do is know more. He wants everything Naruto will give him. He wants to know his favorite color and why, his height, his preferred ramen flavor, how he sleeps, the pitches of his laughter, how many crinkles form by his eyes when he smiles, what he smells like, what he tastes like.

Nara's thrive on knowledge, and sometimes they fixate. Coincidentally, time traveling to the past doesn't fix this. If anything, it only makes it worse

OR: Shikamaru is obsessed with Naruto, Naruto is blissfully unaware of how deeply, and they're going to save the world.

-Literally just Shikamaru wanting to know every last bit of information about Naruto. No matter how small, he will hoard every scrap, will swallow it whole.

-They time travel and no, this doesn't fix the obsession. Shikamaru is awful about it. Stalkerish levels of awful. He just wants to follow Naruto everywhere and touch him all the time.

-Everyone is beyond fucking confused.

-Naruto is out here saving the world, Shikamaru is just here to stare at him while he does it.

A Soul That Rings: (ItaNaru)

Soulmates are all up to chance, and so rare they're practically a thing of myth. You've got to touch them to know, at which point you both get your "mark". They're so uncommon that Itachi is certain he's in the clear, right up until the point where he touches Naruto Uzumaki right before his fight with Sasuke and orange streaks shoot up his arm.

Everyone knows that one soulmate can't die until the other does. It's basically a guarantee that you'll live a long, happy life together unless someone can get you both at the same time. Soulmates are engineered to die from old age together, passing on at the same moment. If Sasuke tries to kill Itachi now... It's not going to stick.

OR: Itachi accidentally finds out Naruto is his soulmate right before he goes off to let Sasuke kill him, and news flash. Not only is Naruto stubborn as all hell, he is exceedingly hard to kill.

-Soulmates are so rare that some people straight up claim they don't exist. They're seriously one in a million. Worse, once you meet them, it's impossible to die unless someone can off you both at the exact same time.

-Itachi is basically anchored to life via Naruto. Even his chronic illness won't kill him. As long as Naruto lives, it literally doesn't matter what happens. The link will keep him alive.

-Naruto isn't letting this go. Itachi can try to run and hide if he wants, but guess what? Naruto has a built in Itachi-sensor now, and that shit will lead him right to him.

-Itachi with nine orange streaks twisting up his arm and Naruto with bright red flames, the color of Itachi's susanoo up his

-Sasuke has never been angrier

Dream A Little Dream: (ItaNaru)

Before Itachi fights Sasuke, he runs into Naruto in the woods, intent on transferring the Kotoamatsukami to him (aka, Shisui's eye) so that Naruto can later free Sasuke from manipulation if he needs to. However, something goes wrong. When Itachi traps Naruto in a genjutsu to do this, he realizes he... can't seem to break it. Something is wrong.

Now trapped with Naruto in an illusion neither of them can seem to get out of, the truth about Itachi's entire past unravels. Pretty soon, Sasuke isn't the only Uchiha that Naruto wants to save, and Itachi finds Naruto impossible to look away from.

OR: Trapped for nearly a year in a genjutsu, Naruto peels into Itachi like one would an orange, and Itachi finds out what loving the human embodiment of the sun is like.

-The genjutsu is basically a barren wasteland devoid of any life aside from themselves, and Naruto is the type of person who can't shut up for more than five minutes

-An invisible force keeps them from getting too far apart, so no. Itachi can't run, hide, and wait it out.

-Naruto notices immediately that Itachi seems ill and is so annoying that eventually, Itachi gives up and tells him everything.

-In the process he also somehow falls head over heels for Naruto and finds a will to live, so at least there's that?

-Idk, I'm a simple girl. I want down bad Itachi, I create down bad Itachi.

I have so many others but these are my favs ♥️

[timeslipcamp]

so this guy right here is what inspired the flower meanings post in the first place, and i figured, "why not go ahead and find the meanings of his nicknames?" yes, chimi, start another post while you still have eight other ones to work on

huuuuge shoutout to @hydrologistshateher for getting a list for me, you saved 19 years of my life

anyways here's the meanings behind the nicknames towa gives people

towa doesn't seem to give a nickname to everyone, which i do think is interesting, especially because haru doesn't have one. why doesn't haru have one? did he meet him as haru and decided everyone else would have nicknames after? how did they meet? where did towa come from???

but i digress. that'll be in my towa theory post later

so let's kick it off with our super tragic girlie!

MC - Dandelion

this one is sooo cute. the first time he called us this i squealed. i love towa dude

dandelions are for the most part a symbol of hope and resilience. i saw another place say they represented strength and springtime. you know what else dandelions represent??? transformation :)

there's an old belief that dandelion seeds will carry thoughts to your loved ones for you, and that's why people make wishes on them.

Zenji - Iris

resisting the urge to sing the goo goo dolls song again you're welcome

irises are one of the ones that their meaning changes depending on the color, so we're gonna go with purple because zenji is purple

purple irises are typically associated with royalty because of how many rulers used them across the ages, starting all the way back when ancient syria was conquered in like, 1300 somethin bce. they also symbolize wisdom and courage, and also admiration and faith. in victorian flower language, you sent these to friends you admired and respected

their name comes from the greek goddess iris, who was a messenger of zeus and hera, a rainbow, and a protector of women. zenji is a protector of women tyvm!! there's also a couple accounts of irises being planted on graves so that iris would show up and help guide the women to heaven.

i do think it's funny that iris is the personal messenger of hera and we currently own hera's snakes. oh shit does that make jin zeus? would taiga or ed be hades? no that's an insane theory, i can't make a post about that

and i don't want the world to see me--

Edward - Rafflesia

world's stinkiest flower. my local zoo has a fake one you can press a button and smell one. shit STANKS let me tell you. funny as hell they have ed "rotting" in bed all the time with this

also called corpse flower or stinking corpse lily, this flower not only has the world's largest individual flower, but it is also a parasite! jesus some of these can weigh 20 pounds. anyways they use other plants stems and grow out of their vines to flower.

these ones dont actually have an associated meaning other than a couple proposed ones from modern times lmao they're just big and parasitic

and stinkyyyyyyy

Kaito - Coriander

i was like why tf is he an herb and then i remembered it flowered too

this one's meaning is fucking killing me. okay so first of all, the greeks named it after koris, the bed bug, because of the smell. and THEN. its seeds have been used since ancient times as an aphrodisiac.

so its meanings are lust 😭 (and health, and hidden merit too but.) this is so funny. coriander likes to talk about love. towa you dog

(it's definitely for the hidden merit but i'm too busy laughing about lust)

Ren - Wolfsbane

the amount of times i've accidentally typed lyca because of 'wolf' is absurd. anyways

so first of all, wolfsbane gets its name because it was believed it could repel werewolves lmao. more practically, ancient shepherds would use the poisonous plants to coat their arrows. this would help them keep predators away from their flocks.

interesting anecdote if you think of haru as a shepherd. what's ren repelling?

in flower language, there's a variety of meanings, especially if you're differing between monkshood, aconite, or wolfsbane, which are all part of the same family. in victorian language, it was said to represent an avoidance of humans, and a few other places have it listed as symbolizing caution, death, and magic. it seems like the lighter colored ones lean towards caution while the darker hues are for death.

it looks like it's also associated with hecate and cerberus in greek mythology, but i'm having trouble finding reliable sources for that one.

and there we have it! i'll definitely add on to this post as we see more nicknames come out, and if someone catches another one, let me know!

there's turning out to be a lot more greek mythology associates than i was expecting, so guess who's got two thumbs and is probably going to finally put their humanities degree to good use

asks and dms always open!

[daltonsnightmare]

Maple's MacGyver Fic Recs

Now I know I'm very late to the party, but I'd like to think of it as fashionably *cough*5 years*cough* late :) This has been a work in progress for awhile, but the Cairo Day Q&A about favorite fanworks inspired me to finally post this- Hope you're all excited for a list of fics everybody and their dog has already read and loved LOL

If you enjoy angsty stories featuring whump and hurt/comfort as much as I do, you're probably gonna love these too. (As a reminder, always double-check the tags before reading! Take care of yourselves💕)

Palmful of Sunlight and Promise by OrionLady

Mac knows he won’t make it out of this latest abduction alive. Not with experimental chemicals being pumped into him in horrific doses. The hallucination wearing Jack’s face—who claims he never died—has other ideas about that. (Touch separated by inches is the greatest torture of all.)

Starting this list off right with what quickly became one of my favorite fics of all time- across every fandom I've ever been a part of. The perfect balance of angst and comfort, this is a beautiful story with a lot of care and heart that brings Jack Dalton back, and for Mac, just in the nick of time. I think I've reread this one more times than I could count- it really is that good. If you decide to read it though, I'd definitely recommend having some tissues handy.

[add'l warnings: non-consensual drugging, suicidal thoughts and actions]

Hello To The Night by gaelicspirit

Around S4 episodes 9 and 10. Turns out emotional trauma + concussions + experimental drugs don’t mix quite as easily as one might think. Mac’s dark side does more than toss him a creepy grin from the other side of a window when getting “lost in his head” is taken up a notch. And the only thing that is going to save him is the team coming together as a family-the whole team.

It was quite hard to pick only a single fic to recommend from this brilliant author (their whole Ambassador series comes to mind, which is definitely worth a read) but this one has everything I wished would have happened after 4x10. If you're looking for heartbreaking moments of Mac nearing the end of his rope, the team realizing how they failed Mac during s4, and a surprise fix-it to tie it all together, this one's for you.

Mac + Desert + Jack by @impossiblepluto

Turns out, escaping from the fallout shelter was just the beginning. Now they have to survive the aftermath, dehydration and the desert. Continuation from where episode 3x11 Mac + Fallout + Jack left off

Now I know we all already know how amazing ImpossiblePluto is, and I can't help but give this one in particular a spotlight. This is a fantastic follow-up to an episode I'm sure we all can agree ended way too quickly, and without much resolution. If that bothered you as much as it did me, this is genuinely a gift from the heavens; Mac has to grapple with the fact he shot his best friend, and after surviving the whole ordeal, the combination of exhaustion, sleep deprivation, and scorching desert heat makes those demons all too real. Time is running out for the both of them, but Jack is right there by Mac's side, even if his partner no longer knows it.

The Art of Showing Up (And Staying) by @lupinescribbler

“Hey! This is Jack the Dalton speaking. Probably couldn’t catch your call due to doing cool… bathroom tile salesman… stuff. Leave a message and I’ll hit you back up. Ciao!” “I don’t know where I am right now.” Mac mumbled. He was aware he was slurring, slightly. He felt like he weighed a million pounds, or maybe like he’d been welded in place into his car. Immovable. Lethargic. His skin felt damp, he didn’t know if he was sweating or bleeding. He felt too cold to be sweating. “But I need help. Can you…” Mac closed his eyes. Can you what? Find me? Not leave me? Just talk to me? The voicemail beeped, marking an end to the message. Mac redialed.

I've already recommended Reichenbach on here (and I still definitely do) but if you're not a fan of AUs, this one is well worth the read. Delicious whump, snapshots of Mac and Jack's time downrange, and insightful commentary on how their relationship has evolved over time, this one is very sweet! (and also features amazing art from both LupineScribbler and Lilituism! Ooooh you wanna check it out so bad. I know you do. And while you're at it, Lupine's got a bunch of other wonderful fics for you to read, too.)

[add'l warnings: car accidents]

Veisalgia by @lilituism

The Phoenix Foundation was invited to a charity gala and Matty sent Mac and Jack to attend. No one had invited Murdoc, but he showed up anyway.

I was originally going to recommend The Darkest Hour (and still do, if you're down for something a bit darker) but if you're not in the mood for something that heavy, then this one is a real treat. Featuring Murdoc and our boys at a gala, things take a turn for the worse when Mac is slipped a fast-acting poison. If reading about Mac being in pain gives you butterflies, you'll love this one (as well as all their other fics!)

Broken Trust by @bloodfromthethorn

Even now, hours later, he couldn’t shake the memory of Jack’s shoulder driving into his sternum, a too-tight grip on his bicep forcing him sideways as the man he trusted more than anyone else in the world physically moved through him rather than listen to what he had to say. Tag to 2x02. Mac didn't walk away from his encounter with Jack as unscathed as he might wish to appear.

Another quite difficult one to pick, as every MacGyver fic from BloodFromTheThorn is excellent (go check out Part of the Job if you're in the mood for some whump with intriguing plotlines & scenarios) but Broken Trust is definitely one I go back to read often- I feel that this one is the aftermath of 2x02 that was so sorely needed. We all know Mac gets lost in his head, but what happens when his partner is the one causing his heartache? (This is also one I have personally needed tissues for on certain nights, just fyi)

Some Truths Are Hard To Define by @altschmerzes

There are a number of conflicting theories, among various and sundry members of the Dalton family tree, on how exactly the young blonde man they have concluded has to be Jack’s kid came to be. Seeing as he can’t have just sprung forth unto the earth fully formed, there has to be an explanation, and since nobody met him until he was out of high school, the explanation has to be something good. (or, the one where jack finds out after five years of bringing mac to family reunions that his family thinks he has a son)

Incredibly heartwarming story about Mac being "mistaken" for Jack's son. Spot-on characterization, and adorable moments of Mac being the greatest cousin ever to the kiddos, nieces, and nephews of the Dalton family. Also, I think I'm just going to add a caveat to each of these that every story by these authors is worth checking out (you won't regret it, especially with Gav's fics, here!)

Gaslighting + Blame Game + Optical Illusions by @m0ns00n53

Tammy doesn’t understand why such a quiet, intelligent man keeps getting stood up on his Friday lunch dates. She’s understandably a little terse when his neglectful son finally shows up one day, after weeks of disappointment. Luckily, Jack is there to clear things up.

This was another hard one to pick (Sergeant + Specialist is a must-read in my book, but due to it's subject matter being on the heavier side, here's something a little different) I'm such a sucker for Jack being there for his boy, as well as any older person within a 50-mile radius falling for Mac's charm and wanting to adopt him as their own. A lovely little follow-up to 3x04 that's a whole hell of a lot better written than that episode was, I assure you. With fantastic characterization, attention to detail, and fun fleshing out of background characters, I hope you all like this one as much as I did!

Flour + SAK + Landline by Sapless_Tree

Whumptober No. 4 + ALT 1 Prompt: hostage + losing control Somehow, things were blurry again, looping and swirling and doubling. Mac furrowed his eyebrows and blinked hard. “Now, isn't that better, Angus?"

In the mood for some Mac torture at the hands of Murdoc? Me too. This one's a fantastic fic that kept me on the edge of my seat and holding my breath the whole time. Really delightful despite maybe because of? the subject matter, and adds a healthy does of Protective!Mac, as well as his fear of heights. I certainly enjoyed reading this, and I'm sure you will too. (P.S. check out Nightcall for some incredible sickfic whumperflies)

[add'l warnings: non-consensual drugging, torture with a swiss army knife]

Lost Cause + Voicemail by @ariwritessometimes

Jack is dead. Jack is dead, but Mac still calls his phone. Leaves an occasional message, as if it’s just any ordinary day and Jack just happened to leave his phone off. When a field op turns fatal, Mac makes a phone call to Jack’s voicemail just to hear him one last time. Little does he know, there's someone listening on the other end.

I adore this one (and not only because Jack lives and gets reunited with his kids) but also because I feel like it could be (and should have been, if you ask me) an episode in of itself. Each part of Ari's Phone Calls series is phenomenal, and if you want to read a devastating take on how Mac deals with Jack's absence, you'll love it.

Truth Serum + Failed Rescue + GSW by @rosieblogstuff

There had always been the possibility that Jack just wouldn’t get caught, or that he’d shoot his way out if he did. Otherwise they would have both gone in. Mac would have insisted on that, because he hates it, absolutely hates it, when the entire plan is for Jack to put himself between Mac and danger. That’s not how partnership should work. Mac, with his blue eyes and blond hair, can’t really pass as a local, but Jack can pull it off just fine. The right jacket, some artfully placed smudges on his face, a cap from a very non-tourist part of the local market, combined with just the right swagger, and there’s a decent chance that nobody will give him a second glance. So maybe he can get in, grab the intel, and get back out without even being spotted. But of course it couldn't just be that easy.

A twist on 1x12 Screwdriver's cold open, with Jack drugged up before being rescued by Mac. Both of the boys get whumped in this one, and struggle to make exfil. I love how Jack's uninhibited inner thoughts are written, and how much he worries about Mac. (A runner up in a similar vein would be Lake + Stick + Fever, another gem that deserves to be recognized)

A Legend In One's Own Time by @appalachianapologies

A look at 1x08 and the lasting effects that would end up shaping Mac's choices in 5x14. Mostly, Loretta being the best mom there is.

A wonderful (and heartbreaking) story detailing Mac's feelings after the events of Corkscrew, as well as Mac and Loretta Bozer's relationship. I consider everything in this fic to be canon, honestly- It's quite good. Also, if you were hoping that in 5x14 she would have talked to Mac as well after figuring out what Bozer does for a living, you'll love this as much as I did. (Side note, I HIGHLY recommend Vi's Schrödinger's Sandbox series. It's another one I love to revisit time and time again)

If you've got troubles, I've got 'em too by @nativestarwrites

The first manhunt Bozer ever helped with was when he was twelve and Mac had run away after getting into trouble for blowing up the chemistry lab. This is the story of how he was found.

A lovely little fic with a dash of fluff and angst about little Bozer being the best brother in the world to his troubled friend. Short and sweet, with nailed characterization. (Check out Nativestar's Sleepy Softness series for some more wonderful fluff)

Rogue + Family + Home by @erinsworld

She knows how bad it looks, but this is Mac... He needs help, not to be hunted and she isn't about to turn her back on him and risk losing him forever.

A wonderful missing scene that we all so desperately needed in late season 4, and I'd say this is the canon we deserved. Incredibly touching and beautifully written (much more in-character than the writers were at the time, I might add) it also features a lovely little moment that I've added to my own personal headcanons. (If you aren't looking for a fix-it for the mess of later seasons, This Ain't Cairo takes an already great episode, Chisel, and adds some very good whump)

Petrichor by @paperxcrowns

He’s sinking back in, the mud refusing to relinquish its hold on him. A shudder runs up Mac’s spine as he drags himself out of the mud. Slowly, painfully, clawing at the earth trying to find a hold to use to free himself. Small roots and grass are ripped loose in his destructive wake of panic. Finally, finally, Mac’s legs pull free from the mud and scrambles back from the unmarked grave. The unmarked grave that almost became his.

I know some of my friends/followers are big fans of the buried alive trope (as am I) and this one delivers it in a BIG way. Incredibly suspenseful and emotional, this is another fic I come back to read time and time again. If you enjoy seeing Mac suffer, you're gonna LOVE this one like I did. Enjoy your time in the cemetery, buddy :) (Additionally, each one of paperxcrown's MacGyver fics is definitely worth checking out)

This Trophy Isn't Real Love by MaritimeSailorsCatherdral

AU end of Season 2: They find Mac's dad, and it goes differently. Tentatively, hoping for the best, Mac agrees to work on repairing and building the relationship with his father that he always wanted. Jack, though he doesn't trust James for a moment, keeps his reservations to himself. But as Mac grows distant and starts acting oddly, it becomes clear that it was more than overprotectiveness or insecurity that led to Jack's concerns. Something bad is happening to Mac, and Jack has a terrible feeling that whatever it is, James MacGyver is to blame. The truth is nothing he'd seen coming.

Ever read something where it feels like a warm fuzzy blanket while simultaneously stabbing you in the gut? This one is like that for me. Tears were shed while reading this one, and the character dynamics here are very special to me. This fic does contain abuse, but also a fair amount of comfort in the aftermath. I'd truly call this one a work of art, and I hope you all appreciate it too. While the author hasn't posted any other stories to this account, this one deserves so much love and more.

[add'l warnings: physical and emotional abuse from a parent]

- - -

Now I know there are many more that are near and dear to my heart that I haven't even mentioned yet, but this post is already getting quite long, so consider this a part one haha. Happy Cairo week everyone, and thank you to all of these very talented people who have shared their works with us to read! Go give them some love <3

[obae-me]

I saw your post about the characters with a traumatized MC and the part about the angels made me start thinking about how they'd handle an MC who has religious trauma (because I thought that was where it was going in your post)

MC avoiding Simeon and Luke because everything related to heaven creeps them out (they're legit scared of angels, god, etc) and feeling way too comfortable living in the devildom and being around demons because they "always knew they were going to end up in hell when they died" because that's what was hammered into their head growing up or something

that would sure change the cast's views on human religion huh?

Yes, absolutely. I can't remember if I mentioned it before or just kept that brainworm tucked safely inside my skull, but I think about this a lot. Namely, because I have SO much religious trauma (yippie!).

I've thought a lot about how the Celestial Realm harbors a lot of the same toxicity that certain organized religions have the tendancy to exhibit here on good ol earth. I mean, we've seen some things in game that suggest that things aren't all rainbows and roses up there. The way that Luke talks early game suggests a lot. And so I'm sure a religiously traumatized MC would have SUCH a hard time around the angels at first. (I actually had my own reservations with the angels when they were first introduced and I even kind of disliked Luke a ton before I eventually took a step back and thought about the fact that he's just a BABY who is just spitting out ideals that were shoved into his head. It's not his fault, and I think his character development is something that the fandom does not address enough. I'm so proud of him!! Having your expectations of the world be broken and then having to relearn everything you thought you knew is actually SO hard.)

MC getting along well or feeling more comfortable with demons because they don't feel like they're being judged or under the watchful eyes of others.

MC talking about "not being as afraid to come back" VERY early on in game and the other characters taking WAY too long to realize they mean come to purgatory after they pass, and the demons themselves don't feel good about knowing that.

MC avoiding certain sins/pleasures/temptations due to the fear that's been embedded in them over it. Even if those things are COMPLETELY normal and harmless to enjoy.

All of the characters being extremely patient and understanding about this sort of thing and very slowly chipping away at certain stigmas they still hold onto, making the human feel safe while they do.

MC avoiding Simeon because of mixed feelings of shame and maybe a bit of resentment and then eventually learning that he's actually such a down to earth and sweet guy and spending more time with him just to learn that he's been in many similar situations is so...so good to think about. Learning that he'll never force certain ideologies onto them, that he doesn't see them as someone who needs to be "saved". A human and an angel sitting together and discussing what being "good" really means. Sharing confessions to each other that they've both held on their backs for such a long time because they've been too ashamed of themselves and confused to heal from it alone. They're not a sinner and a Saint, they're just normal people who make mistakes and want to do good in the world.

I do have many thoughts on this clearly...

[welcometothejianghu]

Top 10 of 2024

All right! It's time to count down my favorite Asian media things I watched in 2024 -- and sure, most of them came out way earlier than 2024, but whatever, I'm slow. Longer rec posts linked where applicable. If you wind up watching one of these on my say-so, let me know! I'm always happy to know I've been an Influencer (ha ha).

Honorable Mention: Heaven and Hell: Soul Exchange

This was originally going to be on the actual list, but a last-minute contender hopped in and bumped it off. Still, I loved this weird genderfucky body-swap murder mystery romp enough that I couldn't leave it out entirely. This baby sits right at the Hump of Compelling Mediocrity, where when it's good, it's good, and when it's bad, you can't stop thinking about how you'd fix it. I want an American remake of this so Bryan Fuller can rub his butt all over it. [full rec post here]

10. Hotel Del Luna

Did we watch this for Yeo Jingoo? You know it. And yet, we wound up falling for all the characters in this show about a bunch of dead (and one living!) people sending other dead people off to their afterlives. Meandering at times, it falls into a lot of K-drama tropes, but it still manages to pull of something special and occasionally profound.

9. 3 Will Be Free

Ah, here's the last-minute spoiler from Thailand! We showed up expecting something dumb, fun, and horny. What we got was something way smarter than it has any right to be -- but still fun and horny! A bisexual trio of incredibly sexy people (and some fascinating side characters) fall in love while semi-haplessly on the run from a whole bunch of people with guns.

8. Ayaka is in Love with Hiroko!

This goofy tale of dumb lesbians was wacky and fun from start to finish. How long can you keep up a gag about two co-workers each convinced that the other one isn't into her? Exactly the length of this tiny, funny comedy. And as a bonus, there's the manga, which is equally short and sweet. [full rec post here]

7. Story of Yanxi Palace

At 70 episodes, this (rather speculative) historical drama is not for those with short attention spans. Even so, it's a treat for anyone who likes period pieces, lavish costuming, and high-quality acting. Watch as a completely insane young woman leverages her insanity to become the most powerful pretty pretty princess in the Qing Dynasty! [full rec post here]

6. The Rebel

And speaking of well-acted period pieces! At the risk of quoting myself: Do you feel like watching a beautiful man have a terrible day for 43 episodes straight? Then this Republican-Era spy drama is for you. Zhu Yilong bounces off some gorgeous costars in a gripping tale of brave Communist misery. [full rec post here]

5. Legend of Fei

A great example of how a boilerplate YA story about a bunch of teens who save the world from eeeeevil adults can be elevated by leaning in to its inherent sweet, melodramatic goofiness. I wouldn't call it a comedy, but it's a very funny drama held up by delightful characters and charming romances. I have no idea what the plot was, nor do I care. I was too busy watching Yibo smile. [full rec post here]

4 Otoko Meshi

This show is silly. It has a completely preposterous setup: an injured yakuza boss moves in with an unemployed twentysomething, cooks him dinner, and teaches him life lessons. It has all the subtlety of a piano dropped from a great height. All the acting is completely over the top. And yet, it manages to be sincerely heartwarming? This ten-episode food-based comedy is entirely worth the effort you may have to go through to find a way to watch it. [full rec post here]

3. The Spirealm

Yeah, this one grabbed my ass good enough that I've made a whole meta-and-shitpost sideblog (@thirteenthdoor) for it. I will say, though, that the show wouldn't have done it alone -- my love for it is compounded by how I fell even harder for the book it was adapted from. Both of them together tell a gay-ass horror story about love and loss through several terrifying, deadly worlds. [full rec post for the show here; full rec post for the book here]

2. The On1y One

Just ... damn, man. What a piece of art. I was not expecting much out of a Taiwanese BL about two high-school boys falling in love, much less a beautiful, well-written, amazingly affecting tale of complicated family dynamics and gay feelings. It had better get a second season that concludes the story, is all I'm saying. [full rec post here]

1. Kinou Nani Tabeta?

I have now watched significant portions of this ... four times? Because I keep showing it to other people, because it keeps being that good. The slow, cozy, food-centric tale of the daily lives of two aging Japanese gay men makes you feel happy -- but when it rips your heart out, it rips it right out. I get that it's a little Too Real for a lot of people, but oh, it was just what I needed. [full rec post here]

What will 2025 bring? Who can say! I hope it's gay, though.

[noneorother]

The case for (at least) two stories in GO season 2: Bildad

This chapter will be more enjoyable if you read the first post "The Kiss"! Another blatant instance of inconsistency and topic of much debate has been Bildad's wig(s). His hair seems to change all the time, and the headband is never quite the same. What if I told you that if you stop focusing on the hair, and count the stripes on his headbands, a clear picture emerges? Sounds insane right? Here's the entirety of episode 2, arranged by number of headband stripes Crowley has in each scene.

I'll put screenshots in case you don't want to rewatch those two sillies again for 4 minutes. But be real... who doesn't? A pretty clear pattern emerges when you arrange the scenes like this : more stripes = more intimacy and trust between Crowley & Aziraphale. For stripe 1, we only get the opening scene where Crowley "destroys Job's goats".

This scene could live on it's own in the story, theoretically. Aziraphale never interferes with Crowley as he destroys the children, because it's all hunky dory up in heaven. The very next scene we see Crowley questioning Job and Sitis, starting to doubt his job, and he's got two headbands and two stripes for most of the rest of his hijinks with Aziraphale.

Until the very end of the episode, where we are back to one headband, but two stripes. The hair is short again, and the headband is neat, and this stumped me for a long while. If you only count the number of headbands and hair length, this scene clearly belongs with the first, and story-wise, would make little sense. But taken with the other two-striped scenes, it paints the complete picture of the saving of Job's children together as a team. I've taken the three headband/stripe scenes out of order from the show and put them at the end. The only time Crowley has three headbands is when something deeply intimate is happening between Azirpahale and Crowley. The first instance is quite early on, for the whole of the reveal of Crowley's crows to goats pipeline.

Interestingly this is also where we get the cryptic line "I am not the angel you knew". Next is a little interlude inside of Crowley's "destruction" of Job's children, where Crowley admits to Aziraphale for the first time that they are "Temporarily not on different sides". It's also this part of the scene where we find out, surprisingly, that Job's children are unrepentant little shits, and Jemimah realizes that Crowley is actually, technically, a demon.

And now, after a brief break of two striped shenanigans, we return to three stripes Bildad in the basement, where he manages to tempt Aziraphale into admitting that heaven's morals are a little wacky, and into tasting food for the first time.

But this scene starts with Satan's great wind (LOL wow, a fart joke in between all the morality? Good Omens would never...), where Crowley curiously remarks "Hmm, they've started early". All of the cryptic & meta commentary dialogue is clearly happening inside the scenes where Crowley is wearing three headbands. Given that the three headbands portions of the story make little sense on their own, we could conclude that Job is a story retold three times, each consecutive time adding layers of context to the story, and quite literally, onto Bildad's head.

part 1 of this nonsense : The Kiss

next part : Heaven’s files.

This is going to have to be a multi-part series, but hey, almost no one is posting season 2 metas anymore so the people have to get their crack from somewhere. With thanks to everyone over in our @ineffable-detective-agency as usual.

[phoenixlionme]

NOTE: In case anyone is wondering, I added the gif below the video because the video cut off the moment where Charlie pulls Vaggie closer and I wanted it in.

Now, I am going to ramble on in various bulllet points why I love this scene, from what I've notice and what other people have noticed in this reprise as well. Be prepared for a long post. And enjoy.

Vaggie's soft "Charlie?" when she sees her girlfriend upset. And Charlie being honest about her fears of losing instead of putting on a smile and brave face like she did earlier in the episode.

Vaggie's starting off the reprise by reminding Charlie of all the good she's done and all of the people she's helped by creating the Hotel.

When Vaggie starts singing, Charlie still has a forlorn expression on her face but immediately smiles when Vaggie touches her cheek; and unlike her big and implicitly forced smiles earlier in the episode, it's a small smile that shows she's still scared but deeply appreciates her girlfriend's comfort. And when Vaggie touches her cheek, Charlie goes to touch the former's wrist.

Vaggie grabbing Charlie's hand and guiding her from the dark to the light. Symbolism, anyone?

Possibly my favorite line from Vaggie in the song - "And in the end, if it's only me you saved" - Vaggie isn't a sinner but a fallen Exorcist Angel that Charlie found and rescued from near death; so, she doesn't need to be redeemed in a literal sense. But, here? Vaggie is telling Charlie that even if everything goes wrong, that even if they don't know that their plan to redeem Sinners will work, that whatever happens, Charlie must know ONE thing - the Princess saved the Soldier not only from death but also saved her soul. Vaggie was cast out by Lute and Adam for showing mercy but then rescued by the Princess of Hell who's all about mercy and forgiveness. Vaggie is telling Charlie that the latter helped her own redemption.

Charlie's smile going from a small, tired small to an even bigger, love-filled one. Vaggie's emotional comfort really helped calm Charlie's fears.

Another line from the couple that I really love, "There's something that I've been dying to say" - For the past 6 months, the duo have been under enormous stress from the upcoming 2nd extermination, helping to redeem Sinners, being mocked from all corners, and personal issues (i.e., Charlie hurt and angry over Vaggie's secrecy). It's been fast-paced and chaotic, so much they haven't been given a moment to really just be a couple. And the next day, they have to face off against Heaven's Army and might not make it. But in this quiet moment, Charlie and Vaggie are able to fully express their love for one another for the first time in a long time. No interruptions, no business, just them. And honestly, I LOVE the line so much.

Just the look of peace and vulnerability from Charlie when Vaggie gently strokes the former's hair and cheek. The Princess has been so stressed and scared but having the love of her life be by her is a truly calming presence.

The happy sighs they both make after they kiss.

Charlie pulling Vaggie closer while they are kissing.

Possible wedding foreshadowing. That's it. I predict marriage given how they are positioned. And I hope I am right.

They definitely had sex after this. I mean, you can hear them sigh happily once they kiss, Charlie pulls her closer, and they're going into battle the next day.

French version of the song translates, “More than anything” to “Tu es tout pour moi” which directly translates to “You are everything for me” or “You are my everything”.

Again in the French version, “Need you to know I love you more than anything” becomes “Je t’aime par-dessus tout et je ne veux que toi” which translates to “I love you above all and I only want you”.

In the Italian version, the line is translated to, "Whatever happens, just know that/You are my everything".

[flowerandblood]

ONE YEAR OF FLOWER&BLOOD

✨🎉🌙✨🎉🌙✨🎉🌙✨🎉🌙✨🎉🌙✨🎉🌙

Exactly one year ago I posted my first chapter of the My Best Friend series. Nowadays I think it's something awful and I don't even try to edit it because I'd have to write everything from scratch, but I've left it for people who feel attached to the story. I remember getting about six likes and one comment on the first day and that huuuuge interest made me eager to create chapter 2 and then all the others.

I remember the excitement with which I waited and then replied to comments, not believing that people were actually waiting for the next chapter. At the time I was literally not following anyone, which was good because I wasn't comparing myself to anyone.

Eventually I felt I was ready to try writing other series and a few were successful enough that I decided to stay here permanently and create because it made me happy. Up to that point, everyone had been very kind to me and I started following more and more blogs, wanting to feel part of the fandom, to make friends with everyone. Now I know that was the biggest mistake I made.

Seeing things that didn't interest me, fanfic's whose way of writing couldn't draw me in, I felt frustrated, while at the same time fearing that if I stopped following someone, that person would see it as an affront. At the same time, The Impossible Choice, my biggest project until The Fall from the Heavens (which I'm currently editing and re-editing, while inserting on AO3), began to be written.

Just when I thought I had reached the pinnacle of my abilities (which wasn't true), I also started to clash with anonymous hate messages, probably the worst of which were those vilifying me and my husband, and those regarding my one-shot with Micheal Gavey. I know now that taking it personally and getting involved was my big mistake, and the fandom was shaken by drama that got out of hand.

I was a few steps away from deleting my blog at the time, but my husband talked me out of the idea (thankfully, as my stories aren't saved anywhere else − I'm only now moving them to AO3).

That's when I first realised that some people here I don't even like, and they probably don't like me. I wondered, why are we following each other then? Why are we pretending to have any courtesy? It was only later that I realised that to be considered someone's friend, you have to reblog their work and preferably agree with them even when they write hurtful things.

Since I've depleted my circle of those I follow to about 20 people, since I've blocked dozens of people and tags, there's been blissful silence (with the exceptions of when I write about behaviour in the fandom that I find toxic and someone accuses me of causing drama, but I'm used to it now). I've also never written happier than I do now.

Ideas come to me on their own, I don't feel uptight about what other big people will think of me, whether they reblog it, approve of it or not. I don't give a shit and life is beautiful! Although I can be emotionally unstable, I'm only 70 people short of crossing the next milestone of 3,000 followers, and that's BIG for me. It amuses me that I keep getting messages that someone is going to block me or stop following me, and you guys keep coming. It's gratifying.

I'm going to keep writing for you guys, and I'm sure during season two you'll also see my posts describing my impressions after the episodes in which I hope to involve my husband. I'll also keep you updated here on how I'm doing with my book I'm creating in my private life.

Apreciation

@ewanmitchellcrumbs

Ange. I know that sometimes I'm fucked up, but I want you to know that you've made this place so much more bearable for me that I can't imagine it without you. What I appreciate most about you is that you can talk and discuss, that you always try to understand the other side, that you are empathetic, warm and kind. I feel that, like friends in everyday life, we can also tell each other about things we disagree about, and there are not many people like that here.

On top of that, you are very talented and your stories are always a pleasure to read, even when they are short, you are able to build the plot and atmosphere perfectly, something I have always admired. Thank you for every kind word and understanding.

I still remember your first message to me via ask, referring to the fact that I didn't want to write a pairing with a mermaid because someone else was writing about it at the same time. My heart melted then, it was so nice!

@targaryenrealnessdarling

Liz, Queen of Angst! Your calmness and composure puts me in awe. You're disgustingly talented when it comes to writing and you have a super-sweet personality. When you started following me I began to squirm with delight, and when you started reblogging my stuff? My goodness!!!

@persephonerinyes

You've been engaging and reblogging my stories for as long as I can remember. Always involved, your thoughts make me smile. Thank you for being with me for so long!

@zenka96

You've been here with me since the dawn of time. You know that I love you. Your support from the very beginning really makes me feel like I have a friend here.

@huramuna

I am so proud of you! I remember your asks when I wrote Glass Cuts Deepest, your illustrations for me and your uncertainty about whether you should start writing yourself. I'm so happy for you and that you are so successful! You deserved it.

@black-dread & @aegonx

You are my favourite gif makers. Your work always leaves me in awe, you are amazing! I know how much work you put into it and somehow you make even the worst lit scenes look wonderful!

@summerposie; @0eessirk8; @melsunshine; @immyowndefender; @bellaisasleep; @kckt88; @thedamewithabook; @happinessinthebeing; @queenofshinigamis; @travelingmypassion; @mefools; @fan-goddess; @toodlesxcuddles; @ammo23; @troublesomesnitch; @mariahossain; @out-of-life; @apothe-roses; @heavenhatesme; @whitearemydarkestnight; @liv-cole; @blackswxnn; @echos-muses; @watercolorskyy; @at-a-rax-ia; @tssf-imagines; @snh96; @hiatuswhore; @exitpursuedbyavulcan; @darylandbethfanforever9; @the-dendrophile-bookdragon; @opheliaas-stuff @zaldritzosrose

Your comments and reblogs make me want to keep writing. You make me laugh, you comfort me and you support me. I know I'm definitely forgetting someone, but I want you to know that I love everyone who comments on my stories and there is nothing better for me than responding to your reactions and questions! I have known some of you for so many months that I truly consider you my good friends!

lottie-blue-star; aveatquevale-; aemondtargaryenwifey marvelescvpe; alphard-hydraes-blog; herejusttostan; li0nn3stuff; alexandrawho; vilmakamunen; angelinap09; theloveablestargirl; rose-blue-19; xxxkat3xxx; flosaureum; mandiiblanche; librawh0re; jasminecosmic99; ivvypg; rojocarnation; killmanduh; tokkiiidoll; wolfdressedinlace; angelofvivianne; nina2697; starwarsgirlsimmer1; katsucker; ipostwhtifeel; aemondsdelight; ilswemoon; tigrigri; pasta-rask; roselibrary; lystargs; gemini-mama; nikstrange; tempo-rary-fix; coffeeobsessedtrencher; gwuinivyre; dreamerbythewayx; diiickbrainn; mothmankit

And everyone else I missed and whose icons I would recognize from afar. I know that you have been with me for many months, often in silence or communicating anonymously. Your silent support and presence is something wonderful for me, knowing that you have been with me for so long and read all my posts!

Thankyouthankyouthankyou!!!!

[chainslobber]

One of my favorite furry stories was this one time I happened upon a picture of chili on the front page of Furaffinity. It's not uncommon for people to post pictures; fursuits, or figures, or plushies. I don't know what compelled me, but I clicked on it and then read the description. It was some lady's first attempt at a chicken chili. I know chili never really looks appetizing but it looked...bad.

Regardless, she was SO happy about this chili, she talked about the things that went well or the things that were difficult, the things she messed up on and the way her cat was so annoying on the counter the whole time.

Curiosity piqued, I checked her page. Her description was that she was a 'cinnamon bear in her 50s' and lived alone. She couldn't draw, or write. She didn't fursuit or sculpt or make music. She claimed she was getting to grandma age and still couldn't understand 'what the devil' crocheting was because she couldn't figure it out. Most of her gallery was pictures of her little house, a very messy garden (looked like a tiny yard she made the best of), her cats. But the rest was pictures of food.

Much like the chili, it was different recipes. Some looked good! Some looked like literal slop. Every single picture was posted and the descriptions were like the chili: things she did well, or learned, or messed up on. I followed her, and within a few hours, she noted me and told me she was so happy that I followed her. She had maybe 50 followers on her paws but she was so genuinely warm.

Every day or every other day, she posted pictures of food and a new story. Her food got better. Her pictures got better. She grieved the loss of a cat. She praised her brand new crockpot for being 'a mean old bitch' that seemingly read her moods, burning food for bad recipes but making food tender and juicy when she was happy.

I followed her for maybe three years before she posted a final image of some hospital food. There was no love in this story. She had been fighting a rare blood disease for years. She complained the jello was ass, the plating could use work, how the food was somehow too salty and somehow bland all at the same time. This woman had a mouth on her but she was always so funny with it. She passed away only a few months later.

But that's when something weird happened. I started seeing food on the front page for a few weeks. I don't know what compelled me but I clicked on a picture, and wouldn't you fucking know it, it was her fucking chili recipe. it somehow looked worse than her original attempt but the uploader basically said 'looks like a pig's ass, tastes like heaven. I hope you're proud up there, momma bear'.

Furries have always been the kindest people to outcasts. They saved my life time and time again. They helped me raise almost $8,000 for my dog's surgery. They've helped pay my rent for fourteen years, have given me some of the best friends I've ever made, have let me experiment with comics and use a Patreon and be myself. The community is niche but the love is strong. I hate seeing people dunk on them because 'oh they're weird'.

Maybe they just want to make chili.

[queerfables]

What is Maggie?

I've been rotating a few different Maggie related posts in my head, because I don't know what she is, but I'm absolutely convinced she's something. Our very first impression of her is a spelling mistake, a quirk that's later connected to demons, and I absolutely refuse to believe it's a coincidence. It's too conspicuous and unexplained. I have at least one more detail oriented posts to come, but I'm starting with my big picture theory, because it's short and sweet and gives me something to build on.

I don't think Maggie is a demon - or, for that matter, an angel. She talks about having a childhood ("I've loved this shop since I was a baby") to Aziraphale, who presumably must have known her as a child, even if only peripherally. That supports the truth of the things she says when she talks about her background: the record shop has been in her family for generations, she wasn't the sort of teenager who drank and stayed out late, she grew up with brothers. She has a past and a family beyond the world of what we see. But she also resists Aziraphale's attempted miracle, and okay, I have no actual evidence for this, but I'm convinced that even if Crowley was the one who locked her and Nina in, she was unconsciously responsible for their phones going out and the passers-by ignoring them ("It’s funny, I was sort of hoping we’d have a chance to talk...")

I think Maggie is something like Adam. Maybe she's a nephilim, the child of a human and an angel, or maybe she's a cambion, the child of a human and a demon. Given the "institutional problem" that heaven definitely doesn't have, maybe she's the offspring of an angel and a demon. Whatever the precise lore, I think she is something not quite human, halfway between heaven and hell, and therefore, like Adam, humanity epitomised. I think she has the power to bend reality around her and that suspicion slides off her like - well, you know. But I think she grew up a normal kid with a normal life, experiencing the world the way any other human does. And although there are a couple of details that give me pause, I ultimately don't think she has any affiliation with heaven or hell. I don't think she's aware that she's anything special at all.

If I'm right, there might be others like her out in the world. If it's coming down to The Really Big One, heaven and hell against humanity, earth could use a few hidden aces. And just personally, I don't want the world saved by invested angels and demons alone. I want humanity front and centre of that fight.

[bratbarzal]

I fell in love with your story with Nico I was wondering if you could recommend other fics?

I'm the single worst person at keeping track of fics I read (and I know that's massively hypocritical of me I'm working on being a better person okay) especially before I started my blog but I do have a fic rec tag!! I haven't been reading a lot lately because I struggle to read while writing but I'll list my staples below bc I need to spread the love!! not all of these are nico, and not all of them are series fics, but they're all near and dear to my heart!!

the blueprint long form oc fic is whatever life throws at you by @raysofcrosby - it's a matthew tkachuk fic and I read it in the lead up to the stanley cup last year and it's probably what inspired me to start writing/post something myself!! the character/world building is unmatched and I don't think I ever have or ever will read another fic like it!!!

and speaking of world building him and I by @mikkomacko feels like you're literally in a different universe when you're reading it there's so much detail and as someone who struggles to write AU style fics more than anything I think this fic is like the epitome of talent!!!

and the same goes for say yes to heaven, say yes to me (and part two) by @theemporium - the whole mob!verse is chef's kiss, but also the entire masterlist!!!!! the amount cece writes and the unlimited ideas she manages to spin into something amazing has me staring at my screen sometimes in pure shock it's mental!! and don't get me started on luke and cherry, the mortifying ordeal of being a 20-year old virgin is the best luke fic on this app I love it with all my heart and I need to catch up!!

and katie @nol-pat is one of my favourite people period on this app so it only makes sense that she is my favourite writer!!!! I think I read must love dogs and it's been a long time coming before I started this blog, and I remember feeling like I hadn't read any other fics that I was completely submersed in so quick before!! katie's dialogue and storylines and the way she implements all the best tropes is my fave thing in the world and I'd like to think we're similar in some ways when it comes to writing but that's delusion, she is a thousand times better than me lmao

I know places by @hischierhoney is one of the best song based fics I've ever read it's so so cute and sweet and such a perfect capture of the essence of that song!! I love it and lee is very lovely!!!! I literally had a nico fic in mind when I first read this question and had to go looking and it's her off limits fic!!!! and the sequel I know!!!!! I'm a bum because it's been my favourite this whole time and I've never told her!!!! but now I can!!!

wishes come true by @sweethischier is hands down the best nico series on this app!!! I also love abby!!! I distinctly remember saving this in my drafts forever ago to read again and again!!! and now I want to read it again!!!! and I will!!!!

that night in michigan by @hockey-fics and part two that week in vancouver for if you want your heart ripping out and putting back together again!!!!

and I'm definitely missing a load more, I feel like some people have deactivated and I will yearn for them forever!!!

[sanjisboyfie]

one piece smau: dating eustass kid edition

-> male reader <333 + kid is so unhinged but this is how i truly believe he'd act on social media to be really real + also him being the definition of "i'm mean to everyone but u"

-> nsfw (mentioned and implied)

liked by dr.law, k1ller, and 7k others

iloveeustass: this is crazy he's actually doing the work instead of trying to kill a random passerby

tagged: [name]s.man

[name]s.man: if it's not you, i could honeslty care less on how i treat other people

-> k1ller: this is definitely not how u shd be living life

-> h34ttt_: and u wonder why no one outside of our friendgroup likes u

-> [name]s.man: i've never wondered this, i don't need other ppl to like me when i already have a wonderful boyfriend to call mine who very much likes me.

uso_pp: how a sweetheart like [name] is compatible with an ASSHOLE REPULSIVE AND RUDE man is beyond me. but as long as he's happy !!!

-> iloveeustass: he's not as bad as everyone says i swearrrrr

-> uso_pp: that's only cuz u don't have to suffer like the rest of us [name]. ur mans is fuckinhg terrifying to be around

[liked by dni_nami, bonneys.jewels, and 120 others]

liked by h34ttt_, k1ller, iloveeustass, and 10k others

[name]s.man: i lovveeeee my possessive boyfriend

tagged: iloveeustass

iloveeustass: you're the exact same way pls what is this post

-> [name]s.man: match made in heaven

dr.law: do u have to constantly post abt ur relationship eustass?

-> [name]s.man: someone here is just jealousssss

dni_nami: thankful everyday that we don't see each other at school i think id rather kms than see ur nasty ass (not [name] though, pls tell him we all miss him <3)

[liked by roro.zoro, uso_pp, and 40 others]

-> [name]s.man: WHAT TH FUCK IS THIS

-> iloveeustass: aww i miss u guys too nami hopefully we can hang soon

-> dni_nami: ofc! jus dont bring ur stinky boyfriend

-> [name]s.man: DONT IGNORE ME UNDER MY OWN POST

liked by iloveeustass, bonneys.jewels, and 11k others

k1ller: someone save me they're gonna start eating each other

tagged: iloveeustass and [name]s.man

bonneys.jewels: i ran away from them the moment i saw kid's lipstick on his face

-> [name]s.man: u guys are acting like we fucked on the couch and made everyone watch

-> bonneys.jewels: that's not what u guys were doing? i could've sworn ur pants were off or smth

-> [name]s.man: u fucking liar wtfff

h34ttt_: a business meeting and they couldn't be serious for a second of it.

-> iloveeustass: wym me and kid were very serious???

-> h34ttt_: serious in trying to suck each other off in front of everyone??? yeah. u two were very serious

dr.law: knew i made the right decision in staying home

[liked by k1ller, bonneys.jewels, and 90 others]

liked by dr.law, iloveeustass, dni_nami, and 11k others

bonneys.jewels: thank god [name] and kid started dating because kid's outfits have gotten monumentally better

tagged: [name]s.man and iloveeustass

iloveeustass: those leopard print pants he owned....

-> bonneys.jewels: tell me u burned them

-> iloveeustass: burned them and threw their ashes in the ocean

[name]s.man: i'll excuse u posting these photos of us without my permissions solely because he looks so good in these wowowwww

-> k1ller: [name] existing saving us from hearing kid rant for hours on end about smth unimportant <3 thank god

godfatherbege: eustass' fashion was always questionable to me, i assumed all kids your age dressed purposely terrible

[liked by hawk_ins, dr.law, and 100 others]

-> iloveeustass: LMDOOAOD BEGE IM DEAD

-> [name]s.man: don't show your face to me ever again bege or i'll kill you

liked by freeluffy, [name]s.man, and 12k others

iloveeustass: his new haircut is so sexy oh my god

tagged: [name]s.man

[name]s.man: i'm gonna have sex with you in front of everyone

-> k1ller: no fucking thank u

-> h34ttt_: OH MY GOOOOOODDDD a day of peace woujld be great thanks

freeluffy: OOOOO was the food yummy guys???

-> [name]s.man: fuck off my boyfriend's instagram bastard

-> iloveeustass: it was rlly good luffy <333 i know you would've love their steak, i highly reccommend!!!

xxxdrake: i bet kid didn't even pay for half off of the bill, his broke ass

-> [name]s.man: I PAID FOR THE ENTIRE MEAL??? WAT IS UR ISSUE DO U WNAT TO FIGHT OR SMETHING

-> uso_pp: FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT [liked by dni_nami, robinkills, and 90 others]

liked by freeluffy, iloveeustass, and 13k others

dr.law: all these two do is sit in a corner and bully ppl on their phone

tagged: [name]s.man and iloveeustass

iloveeustass: it's only kid that makes fun of ppl i'm the one telling him to stop

-> dr.law: fine i'll give u that one

[name]s.man: all i'm saying is - if you're not [name] why on earth should i b nice to u

-> dni_nami: a somewhat respectable trait to have

-> princesanji: NAMMIIII I WOULD DEFAME ANY PERSON YOU WNATED ME TO IF IT MEANS I COULD WIN YOUR FAVOORRR

freeluffy: not true traofoyyy ! me and [name] played supermario kart :)

-> iloveeustass: and i won all of the races >:)

-> freeluffy: NEXT TIME I'LL BEAT U [NAMEEEE]

-> [name]s.man: why is he flirting with my boyfriend right in front of me

iloveeustass' story:

stole his lipstick just for this pic

[name]s.man replied to your story: we should both wear my lipstick the next time we have sex it'll b like a painting