#He's so weird about her!! and it might be a seimei thing in part cause of course

[sealer-of-wenkamui]

A couple of things about Limbo and Danzou, because I am constantly thinking about those two:

First of all, a possible hint at why Limbo is so fixated on her. Kashin Koji of course is her creator, and their dialogue mentions that they have a deep respect for Seimei, and not only that, their Valentine's scene brings up that Seimei was involved in the precursors to Kashin's own karakuri, and are made from the same craft. Given Douman's obsession with Seimei and need to surpass him is the whole reason he became so twisted in the first place, I doubt its a mere coincidence that the creator of the doll he's fixated on would bring up Seimei. Combined with how he found her in a helpless state where he could easily toy with her as much as he pleased, its no wonder he was quickly drawn to her and went to great lengths to hurt her so much.

The second thing I found interesting is Danzou's line for things she hates. There's no prerequisite for this line, so she's bringing it up before her interlude and heian-kyo (and apparently people were initially confused what she was referring to by the dark sun, though of course now its obvious she's talking about Limbo, that said, it IS mentioned at the very end of Shimousa, so the connection was always there- specifically the lines "He has taken in the dark god as his own personal sun, and transformed the wicked god into his own magical energy." and "Fear the curtain of night. Tremble before the dark sun.")

Anyway, I think this was an excellent way of conveying how deeply intertwined the two of them are, her story is in part about her breaking from from Limbo who continues to haunt her. This is Servant Danzou, who is based on PHH Danzou, not Shimousa's, so there's no way she would remember him, and yet he's hurt her so deeply that she has this innate fear of his symbol, the dark sun. (I wonder if the virus he implanted in her also plays a role in that...?)

Which is also why I'm disappointed Heian-kyo kinda half-assed the end of her and Limbo's entwined arc, it has a perfect lead up between Shimousa, her interlude, and the beginning of the chapter, but falls off and forgets about her for most of the middle/end. Honestly, it should have been a Danzou-centric chapter precisely because she's the one with the deepest connection (other than Seimei obviously)/most harmed by him and while she thankfully DOES get to be the one to finish him off, she didn't really do much during most of the chapter and it feels like they barely talked.

[lys-lilac]

The Realization of Importance

Part (3/3)

Let’s end it. 

A/N:  This is to say that all the characters and the main story line belong to Voltage Inc. Only the fictional story is a work of mine, as well the fictional characters, Hana, Touma and Akari. Also this story is based on dream event, because I had this as a dream many days ago. It might be a little different from the usual genre, a little more angsty, so this little girl wants to know your honest opinions about the work. Be honest and do let me know what you think. But, if it feels a little bit dreamy or weird, you can discontinue reading from here.

Part 1 II Part 2

                                                      Part 3/3

Hana: ?!

Standing behind me was none other the man I loved the most, Kasumi. But, why is he here? His face is looking as cool as a cucumber. And, is he smiling? I hurriedly get up from my seat.

Hana: Kas- Err, I mean Chief Kasumi! What are you doing here?

Kasumi: Listening to your conversation.

Hana: ...I- Well, I am not MC. 

Turning my head where I put the hairpin to his side, I show him my ‘recognition symbol’ or whatever.

Hana: I am Hana, the new resident.

Kasumi: I know that. 

Hana: ?

Why? Just as I am trying to focus on my work, why does he drop such lines? What work has he with me? I rack my brains for a possibility. 

Hana: Oh, are you here to talk with Touma?

Tucking on my white coat and holding me like a scared child, Touma slowly ducks his head to the side. I knew that Kasumi loved children, like he played pictionary with Sora that time. So I decide to give it a try.

Hana: Touma, he is the head of EICU, Dr. Kasumi. You can talk to him. He really is good person. Oh yeah, we might play pictionary together!

Kasumi: ...

Probably not expecting the response, Kasumi’s eyes go wide. Did I say something wrong? Wait, don’t say me... This event has already happened here already. If that’s the case, I might be in knee deep water right now.

Hana: I thought that Touma might like to draw, since he is good at gardening and sightseeing, so I asked. That’s it. 

Kasumi: Touma, I know you can do it. And as she said, we can play pictionary anytime you want. But, I have a request to make.

Touma: What is it?

Kasumi: Can I accompany you to the visit to your garden?

Hana: What?!

Okay. I seriously need to check my mental health now. Am I really in my senses? What in the world did I hear just now?

Hana: But, we shouldn’t trouble you. After all, your schedules might be packed. And what about Dr. MC?

Kasumi: She has a lot of study to do. Besides, I want to see how this resident handles the case.

So it was just as a mentor... I see. Although I would have felt pangs in my heart at this time, I feel relieved, although I don’t know why.

Touma: I would be happy to! 

After finishing our drinks, I drop Touma to his bed, and go towards the CSD (Cardiovascular Surgery Department). But, Dr. Kasumi is following me. I was sure that was not the case at first, as both CSD and EICU were in the same direction. But, instead of turning to the opposite side in the fork, he turns in my direction. WHAT IS GOING ON?! Oh god, stop, my heart...

Hana: Dr. Kasumi, I need to ask something. Do you have any work at the CSD? I can help you out with the menial tasks, if you ask.

Kasumi: ...

The silent intimidation! His dark prince cape never slides from him!

Kasumi: I need you to meet me in the outside in the evening. I have something to discuss with you.

...aand, there he goes, not listening to me. And, why the heck is he calling me to join him in the evening? The more I try to clear out my mind, the more it becomes tangled with his words. Guess I have no choice left. Maybe it’s something related to Touma?

Hana: ...Alright.

[Evening: Seimei Medical University Porch] 

As I am sitting on the bench after completing the post OP rounds of some patients, a chilled can of coffee hits my cheek.

Kasumi: Here.

Holding two cans of coffee in his hands, he gives me one, and takes a seat beside me. Surprisingly, it’s my favorite flavor, mocha. 

Hana: So, what is it that you wanted to talk about?

Kasumi: ...

Gazing at the children playing at a distance, he remains silent. 

Hana: Dr. Kasumi, I am not a psychic that I can read your mind by telepathy. You have got to say something.

This time also, the response is nothing. Giving up, I look up at the sky, which is painted with a hue of orange and yellow. Gradually, the Sun sets, leaving a pinkish violet band spread in the horizon.

Hana: Look, Dr. Kasumi, the Belt of Venus! Now, you have to say the reas-

What leaves my mouth leaves me surprised. Clasping my mouth with my hand in order to shut it, I slowly move my fingers around the coffee can.

Kasumi: MC.

Hana: Dr. MC? What happened to her? Is she busy today?

Kasumi: You are MC, right? And that name ‘Hana’ is just a false one. Am I wrong?

Hana: You are getting it all wrong, Dr. Kasumi. Look at this hairpin, I am the new resident, not MC...

Kasumi: And what if I say that the hairpin you are wearing is the one you bought when you went to the zoo with me?

I can’t even dare to say a word. What exactly am I supposed to say? That “I am MC, I don’t know what’s going on here” ? I try to push another excuse.

Hana: This hairpin is common here! I think that Dr. MC may also have one at her home. Look, Dr. Kasumi, you might need some rest as you may be overexerting yourself. I will go and inform Dr. Kyogoku, okay?

As I get up from the bench, a sudden grab of my arm makes me stop.

Hana: ?

Kasumi: At least let me justify why I think of you as the MC.

Why those pure eyes? Was his pull not enough? Those eyes are my weakness, and I can’t resist his words.

Hana: Ok, I will listen to you.

Kasumi: Until yesterday, I was unsure myself that which one of you was my MC. The way you said that you are a new resident, all of us had no choice but to believe it as the truth. But when I saw you talking with Touma, that made me clear of your identity. Because my MC is a little childish, likes to get acquainted with patients, and...

Hana: and?

Kasumi: No wonder where you are, I can always recognize you.

His fingers intertwine with mine, and as I am about to reply, Kyogoku comes from the building.

Kyogoku: Kasumi, we have got hold of her true identity.

Without any delay and without loosening his hand, he drags me with him, and we all leave for the EICU. My mind which had turned to mess after all the things he said, was not working at all, so I stay silent to know the truth.

[Evening: Seimei University EICU]

There was she, Dr. MC. All the other doctors were also there. But, why were people from Metro Police Department standing there? And that to, handcuffing her? What the heck was going on while I was outside? Just as I was thinking, a police speaks up.

Police 1: Finally, this miscreant got caught.

Police 2: We are sorry for all the trouble she caused. We will make sure she gets the ‘reward’ for what she had done.

Police 3: Thank you for the help doctors! No wonder you all are jewels! Now, give us the permission to leave.

What the WHAT?! No one was in shock as me. She, A MISCREANT? So, inso and dreaming were not the reason?

Hosho: I am glad to see our MC back!

Takado: Oh, and how foolish of us to think that the silent impostor was this idiot. Never in life.

Ekuni: She didn’t even falter when we threw jokes on her.

Matsunaga: And here I thought, we are going to get two talented doctors... Although I am happy that you are the only precious girl of the EICU.

Kyogoku: Butthead, now you know who you are right?

{A/N: Now, Hana is the actual MC, so no need to use the fake name, otherwise who knows what will Kasumi think of me... ^^;)

MC: God, can anyone please explain what is going on... I might just pass out from the overdose of information.

Kyogoku: Apparently, she was a die-hard fan of Kasumi, or whatever it may be, and was super jealous of you. So she arranged all of this. Went through a plastic surgery to look exactly like you, changed your documents by adding a false name, just to take your place.

MC: Then, how you all figured it out?

Hosho: It was Kasumi who first told us that something was weird.

Takado: That how the office, which is a place of damn banters, was as silent as the sea. Although it was peaceful, it felt wrong.

Ekuni: She didn’t know her own schedule of scrub ins, and didn’t lash us out.

Matsunaga: And most importantly, I was not satisfied her response when I asked her to join me during breaks.

Kasumi: We all are aware of your behavior and your nature, so it was not long till we figured it out.

Kasumi: MC?

Ha... haha, my life. I will not hesitate to say that it is more intense than what happens in mangas. One can do this much only for jealousy? 

MC: Thank god, thank god you all remember me. Here I thought I was in a parallel world and no one recognised me. 

The doctors could sometimes lead me to release smoke from my ears out of fury, but nonetheless, they cared for me, and that’s what of value to me the most.

[Some days later: Touma’s garden]

{A/N: Again, a random picture}

Touma’s surgery is a success. On the day of the surgery, Kasumi volunteered to accompany me in it, as his schedule was open for the morning. The good thing is that he can still walk and talk, although now in wheelchair for some days of recovery. Me and Kasumi, to fulfill our promise to Touma, were leaded to Touma’s garden on the day we paid a home visit to him.

Can I say that the place is paradise? Tulips, lilies, hydrangeas, pansies, daffodils and all the varieties are lined in rows. Adjoining to it is the fruit garden, and beside it is the vegetable one. Huh, did I even know how to plant a sapling when I was of his age? Answer: no.

As I was appreciating the beauty sitting on the cool grass, a small flower is tucked into my hair. It is a Syringa Vulgaris. In other words, a small lilac.

Touma: This looks pretty on you.

MC: Oh, thank you Touma.

But, just after that, a flower crown is placed on my head.

Kasumi: And I think this looks even prettier.

MC: ...

My cheeks flare up crimson. Aww, just how cute are these two, adoring me like that! I can just float in the sky out of happiness,

MC: Thank you. 

MC: Oh, but I wanted to ask something. 

Kasumi: Sure.

MC: If you realized that I was the original piece, then why didn’t you recognize me in the office?

Kasumi: That’s because the other you submitted your reports just before you came. Did you notice that when you were about to submit the papers in your hand, it was not the original but only blank papers?

MC: ...No! Now that I think about it, I was so heartbroken at that time, that I didn’t even glance at it. And probably, she might have done it when I was in post OP rounds, and my documents were all laying on the table. Ah, the headache I felt there might be due to her making me unconscious using chloroform, because I found myself in the closet. God! And here I was thinking that I fainted due to overwork!! That chick, grrr...

Kasumi: Pfft, as expected.

MC: Don’t laugh at me! Well, how did you find the clue then? Even I was confused of my own identity. Didn’t your thoughts waver?

Kasumi: I got the first hint by the hairpin you had. I was pretty sure that it was the same one that you bought when we went to the zoo, and that you always kept it in your bag. But when I asked the other you about this, she just made excuses that she had left it at home. Further, you mentioned about Sora and also exclaimed when the Belt of Venus appeared, so my confirmation was strengthened.

MC: A prodigy you are, aren’t you?

Kasumi: No.

MC: Huh?

Kasumi: No matter which different identity you own, or wherever you may be, I can always recognize you, because you are the most important person to me in my life.

Seeing my blank face, he chuckles and a soft touch lands on my lips, like a feather fluttering on my skin. 

MC: The same goes for me too. I can always recognize you anywhere, because you are the one I love the most.

 As I see the dandelions dancing in the wind, the flowers, fruits and vegetables bathed with sunlight, and the smile of Kasumi, which I yearn the most, I realize something. That I am important to him and so is Kasumi to me. No matter whatever may come, I will always stay by his side, and support him with all my heart.

~

END.

{Author’s trivia: I actually woke up just after the scene where Kasumi realizes that she is his MC. So, I just added the after plot, to complete it.}

That’s it! I am telling you, I was myself feeling butterflies when writing the end part. So I am sure, the story will appeal you just like it appealed to me. Pure nature of Kasumi, dipped in honey felt words. But gahh, it felt so dramatic, the police and all... Let me know what you think. If any requests, feel free to drop it in the suggestion bowl. Have a good day ahead, and give your best everyday, just like our dark prince!

~Lys 

[lovelesswiki]

The dynamic between Natsuo and Youji has always fascinated me. Since their first appearance, they've obviously moved beyond murderous psychopath twins. I enjoy your commentary on Loveless characters so, do you have insight to offer on the Sagan Brothers?

hey! thanks for the question!

i talked a bit about natsuo and youji when i wrote this post, but ill expand on it a bit here. 

let me start by saying that i have a lot of gripes with the way loveless is written, and most of those gripes surround the fact that we’ve dropped every plot line and bit of characterization besides ‘look at this weird thing seimei’s doing!!!!!!! LOOK AT IT!!!!!”

surprisingly, though, natsuo and youji are not part of that. 

in all seriousness, natsuo and youji are the two characters in loveless who i think have been written and have remained to be written really, really well. they’ve developed and changed over the course of the series in a way that’s consistent and believable, while their core values have remained pretty much the same. what i’m trying to say here is that even though this is a manga about catboys and even though i’m talking about two genetically modified kids who can’t feel pain, natsuo and youji are written shockingly realistically. 

i talked a lot in the post i linked above about attachment theory and how it affected the sagan boys (and maybe the girls, too). the basic rundown is that developmental psychologists (developmental clinical psych is actually my specialty hahah so this may get long) have a theory about why kids sometimes act out inappropriately sometimes towards adults. from an early age, kids are supposed to ‘securely attach’ onto an adult, which basically means that kids are supposed to have a parental figure they can trust, and it’s supposed to be someone they can trust to come back and trust to comfort/soothe them in times of need, whether that’s physical needs (food, water, discomfort) or emotional needs (lonliness, pain [emotional or physical], affection, etc). kids who are not securely attached but still have some sort of attachment usually have minor developmental issues, but kids who are unable to form an attachment at all usually suffer greatly from larger emotional, behavioral, and developmental issues. 

i’ve also talked a bit about how i feel nagisa’s relationship with natsuo and youji is very…ignored or passed over. and really, it’s not completely the readership’s fault, because her treatment of them is often played for laughs. but sometimes, it’s not, and it’s in those times that it becomes apparent just how concerning her behavior is towards them, especially since it’s in those times that it’s obvious that the two are looking to her for some sort of real, parental support, and she’s reacting very badly and abusively to it.

this panel is a prime example of this, because at the time youji was expressing concern for nagisa and wanting to help her in a very normal way, and she reacts by hitting him hard while screaming that he’s useless to her. when i bring up this scene, i like to also bring up the fact that until soubi takes them in when they’re twelve (or eleven), the two of them lived with her and just because they can’t feel pain doesn’t mean that she’s allowed to hit or injure them. it doesn’t justify it–in fact, it actually makes things worse, given that any abuser could see this as a justification to do it more. 

what’s more is that after this, youji doesn’t even react. he seems to think it’s completely normal, like he’s grown up with this, and it’s that that makes me doubt, as well as her previous treatment of them, that this is a first-time or even recent thing. every interaction we have between nagisa and natsuo and youji is her being extremely cruel, cold, and overall pretty terrible to them. she never actually treats them well and it’s as if she sees them as toys rather than actual children who simply can’t feel pain.

i’ve said previously that natsuo and youji most definitely did not attach onto nagisa correctly, if at all. theres things that are incredibly off about them and her, including the way they seem to think of their relationship with nagisa as having the potential for a romantic relationship or simply just the way they are at the beginning of the series. at their introduction, the two of them are sadistic monsters who seem to want nothing more than to hurt everyone around them and behave completely outside of the norm. in fact, at their introduction, the two of them fit almost every qualification for both reactive attachment disorder and conduct disorder

(these simplify the symptoms a little bit from how i learned them in clinical classes, but it’s a good simplified rundown)

conduct disorder:

reactive attachment disorder:

it’s notable that conduct disorder is typically estimated to turn into antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) in about ~30% of cases and is sometimes seen as a precursor to ASPD. some clinicians that i’ve met actually believe that CD always turns into ASPD. in my opinion, they are wrong because of nature vs nurture AKA i believe that if it’s caught and intervened with in a healthy, correct manner, the effects of CD and RAD (which are usually co-morbid, for the record) can be reversed. some people don’t agree with that, but that’s my professional fight to fight. anyways, i keep saying at the beginning of the series because… to put it simply, Natsuo and Youji have changed and progressed more than any other character in the series, including ritsuka and soubi. 

obviously, the general treatment for RAD and CD is usually to find out why a child isn’t attaching/why they haven’t attached and change that. the cause for both of them is typically abuse and neglect, two things we’ve seen in natsuo and youji’s case with nagisa. if a clinician/case worker were to asses the situation, it would’ve been bad enough that they would’ve been taken out of the household. which is what happened, accidentally, when natsuo and youji lost the battle against soubi despite driving a nail through his hand. after that, the next step would be to put the child(ren) with someone else, someone who’s fit to be a parent and preferably, someone who will take care of them and give them what they need, and someone who will allow them to progress at their own rate with attaching. that… again, is what accidentally happened. i’m not saying that agatsuma soubi is a perfect parent or even a really good one, but he happened to be what natsuo and youji needed to start becoming normal kids and not sadistic monsters who nearly raped a woman. soubi essentially lets them do what they want with some guidelines and isn’t overbearing but takes care of them and seems to offer them some sort of parental figure to talk to if they want to. he’s not the best at it and obviously has no idea what he’s doing, but purely by coincidence, he’s doing something right. 

right now in the series, natsuo and youji are little goblins who are annoying and irritating and a bit mean to the people around them, but they’re nothing like how they were. the way they are right now is kind of how you’d expect any shitty, stuck-up middle schooler entering puberty to be. maybe they’re a little worse, but they’re absolutely nothing like how they were at some point. they’ve developed relationships with other kids, have succeeded in school, and have somewhat attached onto soubi to the point where they generally seem to do what he says and didn’t want to leave when they were called back to nagisa. in fact, they even state that living with soubi is much more preferable and enjoyable than living with nagisa.

the two of them could still clearly benefit from a lot of therapy but completely by coincidence, soubi was the right thing for them and natsuo and youji have developed to the point where they can be called protagonists who don’t really have any bad intentions anymore.

there’s something else i wanted to touch on that i mentioned above, and that’s the fact that they’ve both made offhanded comments that seem to imply that they view nagisa in a romantic/sexual light. this is something that seems to confuse fans a lot to the point where many just tend to choose to completely ignore it since they don’t want to touch that with a ten foot pole, and i don’t blame them–it’s weird and creepy and so, so out of the norm that people can’t start to comprehend it. after all, most people, to some extent or another seem to realize at least a little even if they look over it, that nagisa did raise these two and is a maternal figure. their remarks about her would make anyone uncomfortable. well, i’m here to make you all more uncomfortable by saying that this is due to abuse and is completely in-character on nagisa’s part.

emotional incest is a term that you don’t tend to hear unless it’s out of a clinical setting or from a community of people who are recovering from/dealing with abuse (justnomil on reddit uses this term rightfully a lot, for example). emotional incest is generally where someone treats their kids as if they’re their romantic/sexual partner emotionally by seeking inappropriate emotional support from their kids when that emotional support should only be sought from an adult involved with them. this is when the parent turns to the child to use them as a confident/emotional support to lean on when the child needs their emotional and physical needs fulfilled. in turn, the children feel emotionally abandoned because their parent is using them for only emotional support as if they’re a romantic partner. it doesn’t imply that there’s physical incest/sexual abuse going on, but the effects can be similar. (this is a helpful link for more info about emotional/covert incest).

in short, this seems to be what’s going on between nagisa and natsuo and youji. she’s shown in the manga dumping all of her problems and emotional problems onto natsuo and youji, who might i remind you are 11-12 years old, and never really talking to another adult about them because natsuo and youji don’t know enough to tell her that she’s doing something wrong/needs to change. when a parent does this and treats their kids this way, it can often leave the kids… feeling very strangely about the adult. oftentimes, like with physical incest, it can initially leave the kids feeling ‘special’, like they’re better than the adults, like they’re mature, and these feelings can lead towards the want to fulfill what they think is the expectation of a romantic partner. or, better said, it’s very common for kids to mistakenly develop what they attribute as romantic feelings for the parent, because they think the parent is treating them so specially and already as a romantic/sexual partner. this seems to be what’s happening with natsuo and youji in this case. i say this because while they make comments about this (’my/our woman’, wanting to be more sexually experienced for her, etc), they don’t seem to hold any actual feelings for her, but more the expectation that because of how she treats them, that this is what they’re supposed to do with her. 

emotional incest is a very hard concept to grasp because not a lot of people know about it and because of that, it’s hard to understand why natsuo and youji act the way they do towards nagisa, but i’m  pretty positive that it’s because of the fact that she treats them like romantic/sexual partners emotionally by dumping all of her emotions and problems on them and trying to have them deal with it and offering them no parental reassurance or support. this is really just another long winded way of talking about another way in which natsuo and youji attached wrongly onto nagisa, which caused the way they are in their introduction to the series.

youji and natsuo’s emotional and development problems might be better understood when looked at from a community psychology viewpoint, as well. community psych isn’t my specialty, but it’s a side passion of mine so i think i know it pretty well. community psychology basically looks at the levels of development and problems that someone has and how they can affect someone at an individual level. if someone has problems at all levels, then they are likely to be developmentally and emotionally affected at an individual level. 

above is the systems usually used in community psych. it helps us understand the connection between problems an individual has and the problems a society has and how they affect each other in this context. i’d wager to say that natsuo and youji are so developmentally and emotionally affected because they have problems at literally every level. starting off from macrosystems, they have an issue with the culture/society they’re in, given that they’re isolated by nagisa and considered outsides due to their physical condition. locally, they have similar issues–they’re completely isolated in one culture in an isolated school in an isolated town in an isolated mountainous area, and even then, they’re a little ostracized in the community because of the fact they can’t feel pain, something that’s very integrated into the culture of the Fighter-Sacrifice world. Organizationally, they’re isolated, as well, because they live with nagisa and don’t go to school in the traditional sense. they also have a ton of problems in their microsystem with their ‘family’, consisting of nagisa, and their lack of friends. overall, all of their problems and isolations in all these contexts comes down to cause problems on the individual, to the point where in the beginning, natsuo and youji do not act like normal kids at all.

it’s only after the two of them are exposed to a normal, usual culture (macrosystem), placed in a non-isolated city (local), going to a regular non-isolated diverse school (organizational), and have a somewhat functioning, healthy family and group of friends do they start to greatly improve, because all those issues have been taken off of the individual, leaving them to start developing correct attachments and overall ‘getting better’.

i know that i’ve rambled a lot about psychology and also about nagisa in this, but both those things are so heavily intertwined with natsuo and youji’s stories that it’s hard to separate them or not talk about them when trying to analyze them.

so, to combat that, let’s talk a little about them as individuals?

natsuo and youji are very interesting characters, both in-series and in meta. they’re treated interestingly in fandom [in meta]. i, like many others, treat and tend to talk about them like they’re one person, rather than two separate people. i do this a lot, and i’ve been doing it in this post, even. honestly, sometimes it’s easier to view them as two people because although they look different and have started having obviously separate personalities, the two of them are a unit and they’re so involved with each other that just like it’s hard to not talk about nagisa when analyzing them, it’s hard not to consider them as one single unit of a person when doing the same. the fact of the matter is, though, that they are two different people, and more obviously so after they’ve started living with soubi. 

originally when they were introduced, natsuo and youji seemed like they had the same personalities. they were both equally violent and malicious, and at the time, neither seemed more subdued that the other. over time, though, as they’ve started adjusting to being more ‘normal’, they’ve developed significantly different personalities. natsuo is the calmer of the two, but seems more generally upset at things happening around him. he’s developed a better mind for empathy and seeing the emotions of others and seems to follow youji usually. the empathy is a double-edged sword, though, since natsuo seems to get more easily depressed/upset at events and happenings. youji, on the other hand, has developed to be much more of a leader in his antics, but he has clear and obvious trouble empathizing with others, something that seems to frustrate him lately. he more clearly shows distress when he is distressed and seems to get much more frustrated with himself. they’ve both lost most of their violent tendencies and have developed into just generally mischievous gremlins children. i jokingly call youji the ‘hell child’ because of his tendency to start erratic misbehavior, but it’s absolutely nothing close to attempting to rape someone or killing animals and (maybe) people. 

meta-wise, this change has started a clear trend of liking natsuo and youji. i’ve discussed this same thing before, but at their introduction, you’re not supposed to like them because they’re introduced as small monsters who kill a dog, might’ve killed Sleepless, and then try to rape hitomi and drive a nail through soubi’s hand. you’re absolutely not supposed to like them and you’re supposed to want to kick soubi’s ass when he takes them in out of what you later realize is pity on his part. as they become more human and normal, though, people fall in love with them, and they eventually clearly turn ‘good’ when they willingly try to fight against seimei and then willingly volunteer to go with soubi and ritsuka for support when kio gets kidnapped, despite the fact that soubi is marked as one of the strongest fighters and is clearly able to take on bloodless on his own. 

on top of that, natsuo and youji have begun to care. this is most clear when they both get upset over ritsuka being upset over the loss of soubi and their immediate insistence that theyll help him. there’s not a whole lot in it for them, since they believe they can take care of themselves (though they can’t, but they don’t know that in canon), so they’re helping ritsuka out of what seems to be concern for someone they view as family/a very good friend. the fact that they care is actually clear before this, though, specifically when nagisa calls them back and they realize that they sort of just want to stay here, with soubi, and then they later realize that they miss him and ritsuka, and then they finally make the conscious decision to leave the woman that they’ve wanted affection from and a connection with their entire lives, and go back to soubi. they care about other people now and both of them have started to experience empathy (though youji doesn’t seem to realize that it’s what he’s feeling) and have started to view their relationship through a light in which they’re beginning to realize that it’s wrong and inappropriate and living with soubi is much better.

soubi also cares about them, even if he has weird ways of showing it. as i said, he’s not the perfect parent or even a really good one and there’s a lot of ways he can improve, but he’s somewhat what they need and part of the reason they’ve become normal children. he actually seems to treat them mostly like an adult should–namely, he doesn’t emotionally treat them like a romantic partner and doesn’t dump everything on them to sort through. he also seems to enjoy taking care of them, as well as ritsuka, and does miss them a lot when they leave. he is happy that they’re back, even though he doesn’t show it immediately, and goes far enough to enroll them in school to get them to be normal kids.

in short, i think natsuo and youji could use some heavy therapy, but they’re actually the two most well-written characters in the series, which is a little impressive given that they’re background characters. they’ve evolved and changed more than any other character in the series, to the point where they’ve become very likable protagonists, a stark difference from how they were when they were first introduced. nagisa is the cause of their developmental issues, as well as them being almost completely isolated, and they’ve changed because of the fact that they’re no longer around her or being isolated.

[lys-lilac]

The Realization of Importance

Part (2/3)

This was in my drafts for so long... So I thought not to let the cliffhanger stay for more time.

A/N: This is to say that all the characters and the main story line belong to Voltage Inc. Only the fictional story is a work of mine, as well the fictional characters, Hana, Touma and Akari. Also this story is based on dream event, because I had this as a dream many days ago. It might be a little different from the usual genre, a little more angsty, so this little girl wants to know your honest opinions about the work. Be honest and do let me know what you think. But, if it feels a little bit dreamy or weird, you can discontinue reading from here.

Part 1 II Part 3

                                                  Part (2/3)

Okay, now that I have cried so much and wiped away my tears, it's time to figure out things. How this all happened, or maybe I am still snoozing.

MC: But first, I need to find somewhere to live for now...

I can't probably return to my apartment, because the other me might be living there. Even if I go there, I will feel awkwardness surrounding me. So, I decide to take shelter in Asuka's home for tonight.

[Asuka’s Home] 

{A/N: This is not shown in the MS, so I just added a fictional place}

A surprised Asuka greets me at the door.

Asuka: MC?

MC: Hey Asuka, if it's not troublesome, can I stay here for the night?

Asuka: Of course, come in.

Relieved that Asuka didn't doubt me, I put the slippers on and sit on the sofa in the living room.

Asuka: Color me surprised though, what brings you here, and today itself?

MC: Hmm? Can't I visit your home and stay over like we did in university days? I was just hit with nostalgia and-

Asuka: That's not the case. Didn't you tell me during lunch that you and Dr. Kasumi are going home together for the first time in two weeks of exhaustive work?

MC: ...

Now that I think about it, I arrived here in the evening, so it might be possible that I didn't know about the schedule beforehand. For now, I have to find an excuse to convince her.

MC: Err... yeah! Kasumi had some post-OP scheduled with new interns, so he told me to leave early, but due to the weather...

Wiping my hair and damp clothes with a towel, Asuka nods her head as if she understood what I meant.

Asuka: Poor girl... You could just have given a call, so that I could have rushed there.

MC: Asukaa!! You are literally my paradis-

Asuka: But, that would have caused Dr. Kasumi to blame me for stealing his girl.

MC: Wha?

With her light banter, we both break out into a laughter. She is really a savior to me, even though she doesn’t know the situation now.

Getting into a pair of PJs that Asuka gave me, I lie down on the sofa. Events of the day start reeling in my mind. Now’s the time to figure out what exactly happened. Is it just a dream? But it’s too realistic... Or what if I am thrown to another world, just like what happens in mangas?

A little bit confused, I open up to do list on my cell phone to check the schedule, but the next sight leaves me agape.

MC: I am a new resident in cardiovascular surgery starting from tomorrow?! 

And my name is not MC, it’s... Hana? Well, it’s better this way, as anyone will not get confused anymore. After all, I am someone who is not meant to be here...

MC: Gahh! I will think about it tomorrow, otherwise who knows what will happen to my brain... I might as well get an ischemic stroke in this situation.

Putting a lid to my thoughts, I doze off to sleep.

{A/N: From here, actual MC is Hana, and the other MC is just MC. I just came with a random name for the MC.}

~

Sekai: MC, you will be all fine... Don’t worry...

Hana: Aww Sekai, thank you... You really are my- wait what? Why are you addressing me as MC?

With a shock, I sit up. 

Hana: Just a dream, huh... Guess I better hurry up.

With a short yawn, I prepare for the day.

[Morning: Dean’s Office]

Matsunaga: ...and therefore you will be assigned in the cardiovascular surgery starting from today.

Hana: ...

Matsunaga: Hana?

Hana: ! Ye-yes! I completely understand. It is a pleasure to be working with you all.

I bow deeply.

Matsunaga: Though I have to say, you really look like Dr. MC. Are you sure that you are not her long lost twin sister?

Hana: It’s a pure coincidence, haha. But I have a way to recognize both of us!

Matsunaga: Oh?

Hana: Yes. Look at this!

I show him the pearl beaded hair pin in my hair. I bought it when I went to the zoo with Kasumi. But, he might not remember this too.

Matsunaga: That’s a great way. You are really a smart girl!

Smiling on the approval, I bow once again, and leave the office to my work.

On my way to Cardiovascular medicine department, I decide to take a turn towards the EICU. After all the act I put there, I should at least apologize properly. It doesn’t matter if Kasumi doesn’t remember me now. Even though it hurts me to change my behavior towards him, just like strangers for now, I can never let the boy who suffered so much to lose his smile once again. Now, only my job matters!

[Seimei University Hospital EICU]

As expected, everyone is there for the morning briefing, including the other me. I take a deep breath and knock on the door, making all of their gazes turn towards me. The confusion would have all been over now.

Hana: Good morning, everyone. I am here to apologize for the mess I created here yesterday. I am sure I had hit my head somewhere yesterday that I-

Takado: Can I tell you a copycat? You are exactly the same as this one over here, talking without stopping...

Hana: ...

They didn’t blame me for yesterday. I guess that’s good for now.

Hosho: I am now starting to believe that miracles are true.

Hana: Wha?

Hosho: Yes. I have never in my life met people with such exact features. It’s interesting but confusing at the same time.

Hana: Oh, about that, I have a solution! Look at the hair-pin tucked here. You will recognize me. And it’s not like I will work in the EICU. I have been assigned to the Cardiovascular Surgery from today. So I will rarely visit here.

Kasumi: Oh.

What makes him say that... Well, I can’t think of that myself. Maybe his curiosity is piqued, that’s all.

Kyogoku: Drop by the Pediatrics if you need any help.

MC: We would appreciate your help in the ER too.

Ok, now what? WHAT THE WHAT?! The legendary bodyguard is lending me a hand if I get in any trouble? And the other me... she is like 100 times more sweeter than me. No wonder Kasumi deserves a better one like her, not someone like me who behaves like a child till now.

Ekuni: And, if you run out of snacks, I can recommend you some.

Why are they all so sweet? Keeping my fast beating heart to myself, I mutter a small ‘thanks’, bow once again and leave the EICU. But, I feel a gaze looking at me from behind. Maybe I am hallucinating...

[Seimei University Hospital Cardiovascular Medicine Department]

After some greetings in the Cardiovascular Surgery Dept., I get to work at once. Apparently due my good grades here too, I am immediately handed a case of a surgery. 

The patient is 11 year old, who is admitted today morning, has tetralogy of Fallot. This disease is generally congenital, which causes cyanosis, that is, bluish skin and oxygen-poor blood to flow out of the heart and to the rest of the body. If treatment is not done soon, it may become more severe.

Without any other delay, I head to the cabin where Touma is. Oh yes, Touma is the patient whose case I have been handed now.

[Seimei University Hospital Private Cabin]

When I enter the cabin, I see a gloom Touma sitting on the bed with his mother, Akari.

Hana: Good morning, Akari, Touma.

Akari: Good morning, Dr. Hana.

Even though she smiles, I can see her face washed with sadness. It’s okay, after handing so many cases with Kasumi, I have stabilized myself enough to deal with my anxiety. I reach out to her, and with my hand on her back, I look towards Touma, who is also a little bit scared.

Hana: How are you, Touma?

Touma: I- I am fine.

Hana: I know you came here way early in the morning. How about we go and get a drink for ourselves to cheer you up?

A little happy, he nods.

Touma’s treatment is starting from today afternoon, so luckily, saline and other devices have not been put on him for now. Means, he is free to move.

Holding his frail hand, I lead him to the refreshment zone.

[Refreshment zone]

I grab myself a can of coffee and give a bottle of orange juice to him.

Hana: So, what is Touma’s favorite activity? Hana is curious.

Touma: I like gardening, and going sightseeing.

Hana: Oh? You know how to plant flowers?

Touma: Yeah! Not only that, I know how to plant vegetables and fruits too! You know Hana, I harvested a lot of fruits, like strawberries, grapes last year that we had my friends and mama’s friends to finish it up.

Seeing Touma’s eyes sparkling, confiding in me and trusting me by calling my first name, I couldn’t help but smile.

Hana: Wow! You are really talented, little one! What about sightseeing? What places do you like? 

Touma: I like Hokkaido. The weather there is so beautiful! But... I know I couldn’t do that after the surgery.

The little sun who was brimming just now with happiness, looks like the flame of a flickering candle.

I hold his hand and say.

Hana: I know you can do it. With me here, you can share anything you want. You are strong to handle every problem that comes to you. I can get that from your passion of gardening. Even if a storm comes, you can do anything to protect your little space, right? I want that confidence of yours in you too. 

Touma goes silent. I see his face, surprised, and a little... flushed?

Touma: I brought some dandelions for you, Hana. I thought they could be my thank you gift to you for listening to me.

Hana: Thank you. That’s so sweet of you.

Oh my god. How sweet and mature he is! I was not even half of it during my teenage.

Touma: But, I have a favor to ask.

Hana: Sure, as long as it’s in my reach, I can do it for you.

Touma: After I recover, can you visit with me somewhere?

Hana: Where to?

Touma: I want to show you my garden.

Hana: Oh, sure. I would love to!

The happiness that left his face comes back.

Touma: It’s a date, then!

Hana: ...

What did I hear now? A. DATE. What?! But sighing, I put away the awkward thought and my lips curve upwards.

Touma: Although... Who is that guy behind you?

Surprised that I didn’t notice anyone, I turn backwards and see...

Hana: ?!!

~

This got a bit long, so I broke it further into two parts. Last part is on the last phase of editing. I will try to post it by tomorrow. Who do you think stands behind Hana? What will happen next?

Stay tuned.