#He's so lameee god he feels so forced and awkward

[some-pers0n]

I'm really sorry for Hazbin posting again but godddd because this one clip of Alastor and Bill Cipher has been going around late on Twitter reminds me so much of how utterly lame it is when Alastor swears. Like the whole thing that makes him unnerving is how well-spoken he is. I don't even like him saying "fuck you" to Lucifer. Him saying "I'm about to end your fucking life" sounds so lameeeeee he sounds like an elementary schooler who just learned the fuck word

The part that makes him fun and interesting is how well-spoken he is. It kinda plays on the gimmick of radio hosters being kind, chipper fellows and how they don't swear or do anything. It acts as a contrast. I literally don't understand why Viv is allergic to making characters not swear. Him not even swearing would probably be better when it comes to threatening Adam. Like I don't get it. Why is this show's writing like this. He's so uncool and unthreatening when he swears

[kim-chann]

“Love?” [Osomatsu X Reader]

This was written on Wattpad, but I decided to post some written stories here too. Anyways, this was requested for a while back on Wattpad, but I decided to share it here on Tumblr too. 

"(Y/n)-chan, it's an emergency! (Y/n)-chan!!" Osomatsu screams, bursting into your room.

You turn your head, eyes wide as Osomatsu runs into your room, a face full of distraught in urgency, "What's wrong?! Did Karamatsu go missing?!"

"No--"

"Did Choromatsu lose his Nyaa-chan tickets?"

"No--"

"Did Ichimatsu lose ESP Kitty again?"

"No--"

"Did--

"No!" He interrupts you before you continue blabbering anything about his younger brothers. He pants, still recovering from running to your house. "It's not about my brothers," He sucks up a breathe, "Totoko-chan's looking for a boyfriend!"

"..." You stare at him. "Eh?"

"I know right! Now's my chance, (Y/n)-chan! I can finally ask her out!" He cheers, jumping up and down, doing handstands and dancing around chanting, 'girlfriend' with a blush on his cheeks.

"Oh..." You feel your heart throb painfully, a heavyweight pressing on your chest, watching Osomatsu cheer on, extremely happy that Totoko was looking for a boyfriend.

You knew that Osomatsu has had a crush on Totoko ever since he was a child. Of course, he would, she was much prettier than you anyway! (You're very beautiful, don't listen to my writing). You sigh and force on a smile as you block out the sad feeling in your gut, trying so hard not to shed tears right in front of him.

"That's very," you swallow a breath, "good to hear...!"

Osomatsu stops cheering, before taking your hands in his, "You gotta help me!" He exclaims, his eyes glistening with confidence. "Train me."

"...What do you mean?"

"Train me to become a good boyfriend for Totoko-chan!"

"What--"

He goes on his knees, not even letting you answer, "Please! Please! You're my best friend! You gotta help me! Please, please, please--!"

He grabs on your ankles, repeating his begs as he cries at your feet.

"Okay, okay! Please stop!" You beg back, hating Osomatsu begging for someone that can never be you.

"Really?" He immediately gets up from the floor and stands up straight, "That was easier than I thought! Lucky!~" He rubs his index finger under his nose and laughs.

You glare at him before crossing your arms, "Fine. Okay, when do we start? Tomorrow? Next Saturday? Sun--"

"Now!"

"Now?!"

"Yes!"

You open your mouth, struggling to find words, before sighing out in defeat. You were happy for Osomatsu, you were. But knowing that fact that he's come for your advice for a woman that he loves on which was not you, it was very hard not to hold in the heavyweight in your chest. But as long as he was happy, you were happy

You turn to him, "Okay, fine."

__

"Show me how you'd dress if you were going in a date with Totoko-chan." You say.

You were creating up scenarios and observing how Osomatsu would react to them, before giving him advice and correcting things. Osomatsu immediately dragged you to his home when you agreed to help him, making it easier for you to create scenarios when everything he owned was in his house anyway.

He shuffles behind the paper door before opening it with a grin. Osomatsu was wearing his signature red hoodie with some jeans that he always wore.

"What? You didn't even change." You acknowledge, an eyebrow quirked at his actions. "Huh? I can't wear what I like to wear on dates? Lameee." He drags out his last remark, arms crossed behind his head as he puckers his lips in disappointment.

"Well, you can wear what you like on dates as long as it's casual. But knowing Totoko-chan she would always want her man prettied up for her to brag about on social media, you know? Try something more... formal." You critique, snapping your fingers in emphasis.

Osomatsu nods and hums at the same time, "You gotta point, (Y/n)-chan... so what do I wear?" He tilts his head.

"You can always wear a suit."

Osomatsu runs over to the closet and changes into the usual blue suit that he and his brothers all have. "Tada!~ Will Totoko-chan date me now?~ Hehe~" He winks.

You smile at him, eyebrows arched in appeal, "...Well," You say, trying to find the right words, "It can work, but do you have any other suits?"

He shakes his head.

You sigh, 'That won't due at all.' You think to yourself. You clear your throat, "Well since this is just training, make sure to buy a new suit because your blue one is overused and a bit old, is it not?"

"Ehh? But suits are expensive!" He pouts, puckering his lips.

You find yourself guilty as you pull out a 10,000 yen bill ($100). "Here, don't use it on Panchi--"

He swats it away from your hands as soon as you pull it out, "Yahoo! I can win big looting with this much money!! Yaho--" "AHEM."

He stops when you glare at him, "Use it on a cheap suit. Don't you use it on gambling, Oso. This is serious. Do you want to be Totoko-chan's boyfriend or what?"

He immediately calms down and sits on the ground, face serious, ready for your next scenario.

You didn't know why but you would felt a bit happier if he spent the money on Panchinko than Totoko. But you clear those thoughts from your head and tell him to stand up.

"How would you hold her hand?"

Osomatsu grabs your hand and interlocks his fingers into yours. You feel your heart hammer in your chest and eyes grow wide as your cheeks grow red. 'No,' you think. 'I can't, this is for Totoko-chan, not for you!'

You hold his hand, feeling it, before your face scums up in disgust, "Why are your hands so clammy?"

You feel Osomatsu tense up a bit, "Uh... umm."

Oh my fucking God. EW.

You yank your hand away from his, wiping it on your pants. "Gross! Gross!" You yell, the feeling of his clammy hands lingering on your hand was still buzzing strong. "Lesson number one!" You exclaim, "Wash your hands after jerking off!!"

__

It was late evening as you took Osomatsu out for a walk before his brothers go home, not wanting them to interrupt your 'dating session' with Osomatsu.

Your cheeks were still flared up a bit, knowing that you indirectly touched his dick from his hands. Disgusting. But honestly, you touch both his hand and his dick? What a combo-- Okay, that's enough.

Your lesson this time was trying not to make the atmosphere awkward with your date. That was important. But it was a bit difficult, knowing that you just held his clammy hands after he just recently jerked off. Even Osomatsu was flustered. Strange.

"Osomatsu, try to start a conversation, it's getting awkward..."

"Ah! Right, right."

He clears his throat before he thinks to himself for a moment, "So, um... (Y/n)-chan," He starts off, "Did you like the date?"

Him using your name as training was a bit difficult, not knowing if he was getting into character or not. But you really wished he wasn't. "It was really good, Oso! Thank you for taking me out!" You giggle, smiling.

He giggles too, his cheeks dusted with pink.

"But if Totoko-chan didn't like it, what do you say?"

"You ungrateful, bitch."

"NO!"

"Eh--"

"For the love of God-- NO! That's the last thing you wanna say to her!" You say, trying so hard to contain your laughter.

"Ehh? But I'm trying my best! I'm sensitive here!" He puckers his lips and pouts again.

"Yes, I know that, Oso. But please just be gentle on women. If you really rile Totoko-chan up, I don't want her to hauler up your ass!"

"Oho~? You care about me, (Y/n)-chan. You're so cute!" He teases, him ruffling your hair.

"Of course, I'm your best friend!" You force yourself to say 'friend', trying not to damage your heart than it was already was.

Osomatsu remains silent at your remark before he yawns, "I'm tired."

"Don't yawn during your date, she'll think you're bored of her."

"Geez, why are women so complicated and overreact to everything we men do?" He rolls his eyes.

"I don't know, that's how this generation works now I guess." You pause, "But you're tired, right? Let's end the training session for today for we can continue tomorrow." You stop walking and look at Osomatsu.

"But I'm gonna ask her out tomorrow!"

"What? But that's too soon!"

"Eh... you win some you lose some. I gotta shoot my shot before anybody else gets on that sweet piece of ass!" He laughs.

Your eye twitches, trying not to kick him in the balls. "Osomatsu, don't say that at loud in front of Totoko, she'll just think you're just using her for a one night stand."

Osomatsu sighs and nods, "Fine, fine."

"Okay, before we go on our separate ways, let's review," You clear your throat, "The first thing you're gonna do tomorrow?"

"Buy a suit."

"What should you always do with Totoko-chan?"

"Listen to what she has to say, and don't question too much about her."

"Good. What about on a date?"

"Start conversations, and don't talk about yourself. Let Totoko-chan do most of the talking and only answer if she's asking you."

"What's another important thing you should remember?"

"...Smile at the appropriate time-- god, why do I have to do that?" He complains.

"If you stare at a girl and smile at her the whole time, she'll think you're a huge creep."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." He says.

"And the last one for now: when should be the appropriate time to confess?"

"When you feel it in your gut and she has your attention..."

You smile, "Good! You did great." You say, ruffling his hair as he chuckles.

"Anyways, go get plenty of rest now, and go get Totoko-chan tomorrow!" You say, before you part ways, waving.

Osomatsu watches you go, a blush on his cheeks. He feels his heart hammering when he remembers the feeling of your hand run through his dark-brown locks. It was comforting. Really, really, comforting. He understands why Ichimatsu really likes head starches a lot now. He watches your figure disappear from his sight.

His body was tense.

His mind was trying to memorize what was his plan for tomorrow but it was all wiped down to one thing: (Y/n).

Why was he feeling like this? This was for Totoko-chan, right? When he tries to replace the image of you with Totoko-chan, his feelings turn a bit sick before automatically picturing your face once again.

...

Oh.

Oh.

God... how was this gonna work tomorrow?

__

You dig your feet into your ground, a nervous blush on your cheeks as you lean against the tree. Why did Osomatsu call you out? Was he going to need help shopping?

"Oyyy! (Y/n)-chan!!" Osomatsu calls, gaining your attention. You turn your head as your eyes grow wide. He was wearing a red suit, what was going on?

"Oh wow, Oso! You look great!" You compliment. You felt a bit relieved that the money that you gave him was not spent on Panchinko but on a really great suit. You felt proud of yourself for that one.

Osomatsu giggles, a blush on his cheeks. "Thanks! You look hot too, babe!"

Woah what. You feel your cheeks redded at the sudden nickname, "W-Woah, where did that come from?" You ask, but secretly, you really liked it.

Osomatsu rubs his index finger under his nose. "Hehe, just thought I'd try it out."

You smile before you tug on his suit, "Not that I'm complaining, but why are you wearing your suit now? You should take it for Totoko-chan later today." You note, crossing your arms.

Osomatsu's cheeks dust with pink, "Oh... it's nothing really. Don't mind me." He says, shaking his head. "Okay...?"

He clears his throat, "Okay, let's go, I'm going to take you somewhere where you haven't been before. It's gonna be great!" He laughs, his hand gripping on your wrist gently before tugging you forward, making you run with him.

Shock is the only thing you can really feel at this moment. But nonetheless, you really enjoyed it.

__

"How'd you reserve such a restaurant like this?" You say, sitting down at the table where the server led the two of you too.

Osomatsu giggles, "Secret, babe."

You blush again, "But I thought this was for Totoko."

Osomatsu's eyes widen when you mention her, trying to find his words, "...I'm just trying to pay you back."

"Oh! Well, you didn't really need to go this far, you know?" You smile at him.

Smile at the appropriate times

Osomatsu smiles at you, and shakes his head, "Nah, you deserve this. Besides, you've been too nice for a NEET like me."

"Wow, that is the first time you really admitted that you're a NEET." You raise your brows at him.

He stammers for a bit, "Well, I don't know. It just slipped out, babe." His poor excuse made you giggle at his awkwardness.

A server comes to your table as the both of you order, with smiles on your faces.

Silence grows between the two of you, as Osomatsu can feel his feat sweat as he fumbles with his suit.

Start conversations

"So um, (Y/n)-chan," Osomatsu starts, clearing his throat. "How are things lately?"

"Um? We just hung out yesterday. But I guess things are well. How about you? Ready to confess to Totoko later today?" You ask, leaning into the table, taking your drink straw in your mouth.

He feels himself grow uneasier by the second, he didn't want to spend the whole date... wait date? Yeah! Date! The thought was burned into his head as his cheeks flare up a shade of red. "Y-Yeah! I'm so r-ready!"

"Are... you okay?" You ask, leaning up, sitting straight.

"Yeah, sorry about that."

"Don't worry about it."

He dares himself to look up at you in the eyes as his lips fall into a flat line. He wants to change up the subject about (Y/n) but how?

Listen to what she has to say, and don't question too much about her.

'Right, right.' He thinks to himself, confidence coming back to him. "I'm just wondering, what are some random facts about you?" He blurts out.

You blink, "Umm... well, I really like (favorite food), and I enjoy (favorite hobby), and hang out with you if that counts as a random fact, haha." You laugh.

'Was that a flirt? Was she flirting?' Osomatsu questions himself, his eyes locked on your joyed expression, admiring your amused face.

"What about you? What are some facts about you that I don't know?"

Osomatsu yelps, realizing that you were asking him a question, "Oh um... I did... I did ballet as a child--"

You burst out laughing, "Oh my god really?"

"Heyyy!"

"Don't get me wrong, it really suits you." You say, giggling to yourself.

"Is that an insult? You're so mean, babe!" He crosses his arms, making you laugh even more.

"No! No, I'm sorry! Please continue." You encourage.

Osomatsu huffs, "I'm really good at shooting games at the arcade."

"Ooh, that's pretty cool! I'm not that bad at those games."

He smiles, "And um... I don't know what else there is, haha~" He puts an arm behind his head, laughing it off.

"Don't worry about it." You say, laughing with him.

The server soon comes with the food, as the two of you dine in, conversing in conversations and having good laughs. He was doing a good job avoiding the subject of Totoko because he remembers these tips:

Smile when it's appropriate

Start conversations

And... listen to what she has to say, and don't question her too much.

__

"Man I'm stuffed!" Osomatsu says, stretching.

"Same." You whine, walking out of the restaurant.

"Their food was top notch, would go there again if I had money again." His remark caused you to laugh.

"Where'd you get the money anyway?"

Osomatsu freezes up, "You..."

"Eh? Me? I thought you used it for the suit!"

"No, no, my dad came with me and bought me a suit to dress more appropriately." He says, rubbing his finger under his nose.

"Ahh, okay." It made more sense how a high-quality suit was bought more than 10,000 yen.

"Let's go, I wanna show you something," Osomatsu says, taking your hand into his. His hands were no longer clammy, it was soft. You were glad that he listened to you.

The two of you walked, hand in hand, listening to the crisp air as you walked down the sidewalk. The atmosphere wasn't awkward, so Osomatsu didn't bring up any conversations.

The two of you stopped at the park before he invites you to sit down on the bench with him. You smile before sitting down close to him, his hand still in yours.

"Woah, the stars look so pretty tonight." You say, looking up. Osomatsu looks up at you before gulping, a blush on his cheeks. His hands begin to grow sweaty as he holds yours a bit tighter.

You turn to him with a smile on your face, making him blush. "Thank you so much for taking me out today, Oso. I really appreciated it." You giggle, caushing him to struggle to find his words.

You looked so pretty in the moonlight.

Your smile.

Your eyes.

Your personality.

You were beautiful.

He gulps.

Confess when you feel it in your gut and she has your attention

"(Y/n)-chan," he calls, putting his free hand on top of the hand that was holding his other hand. "I need to tell you something."

"Yes, Oso?"

He feels his heart hammer out of his chest before he sucks in a breath, "I... I really like you! Please go out on a date with me again!" He shuts his eyes and places his forehead on your folded hands, bowing.

"I know I asked you for help about Totoko-chan, but I realized..." He raises his head, nervous tears in his eyes, "That I like you! Not Totoko-chan." He halts, "Please!"

Your eyes were wide as you stare at Osomatsu with your lips agape. You struggled to find words. But the only thing that comes in your mind repeatedly.

'Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, holy, shit--'

You feel his hands grow loose on yours, realizing that you were frozen up for took long. You quickly grab his hands again before making him face you, "Of course! Osomatsu! I'd love to date you!" You yell in his face, releasing all your built-up feelings for him, not knowing how to fully express it.

The next second, you feel yourself being lifted in the air, Osomatsu's arms on your waist and spins you around, him crying out in happiness. He drops you gently on the ground before he pulls you into a hug, and kisses your temple before screaming out, "Thank you so much Akatsuka-sensei!!!"