#He feels no guilt. No shame. Just a deep set acceptance that this is the decision that some humans will take and he must oversee it.

[scenesniper]

May i request Eli nsfw headcanons (I really enjoy your work and also no pressure!!)

☆ eli clark ; general sfw & nsfw headcanons

pairing / eli clark x afab gn! reader

disclaimer / (brief) mention of clothed masturbation, biting, (brief) mention of jealousy

word count / 1,075 words

author's note / eli clark based on the identity v stageplay! thank you for enjoying my work and requesting. this is definitely the most tamest set of smut headcanons that i've ever wrote. i love gertrude but she won't be existing in this because i'm uncomfortable writing about cheating.

SFW

☆ eli clark, many would say, is an admirable, respectful man. he’s devoted and virtuous, righteous. he knows exactly when and how to break the ice in a dutiful manner and despite many suspecting his position of work to be all but naut, there’s something about him that anyone who has met him can tell of his genuinity.

☆ he’s practically perfect, an affable groomed man raised for success with that chiseled face of his. he was obviously very popular and liked by the women in his town.

☆ he’s very friendly to all the survivors the moment he stepped foot in the manor, nodding his head and adding any input in a respectful manner. despite appearances, that occupation of his makes you doubtful of him. whether its’ his cooperation that you’re hesitant on or his true nature, he seems awfully too faultless.

☆ to be frank, you can’t tell from eli’s behavior if he’s only being peculiar to you or if its’ just your imagination. he’d always find unspoken excuses for his hands to linger on yours, moving his head and giving you his utmost attention every time you join in on the conversation.

☆ but don’t think you’re overthinking it because you’re right. he admires you of your strong personality and your unfaltering resolve. he’ll always his eyes on you, his gaze hidden by his blindfold. despite being a social person, he doesn’t have a single idea on how to approach you. he’s always (subtly) flustered around you, hoping that his hood covers a waking blush appearing. he’s very thoughtful over his choice of words and is always giving you compliments on your appearance.

☆ of course, eli clark already had a vision before reaching the manor. a vision of you and him and truly, that was the final push for him for accepting the letter to the manor. despite being a man who seemingly has his entire self figured out, his aspirations are unwaveringly simple and feeble to anyone else that has accepted the letter of invitation.

☆ eli clark is a very subtle lover but everything about him is truly genuine. every act of love comes to him naturally, whether his hands on your shoulder or waist, you could just start dating and he treats you like as if you’re a married couple of many decades.

☆ eli is a very good kisser, it’s short and fleeting, almost as if you’re pressing your lips in a cloud from how smooth it is. every physical act with him, he’s always asking you beforehand if it’s okay to kiss you. not doing anything until you give him verbal permission.

NSFW

☆ if we are being literal in his visions of you, they’re more of flashing images and “memories” that aren’t quite yet present. he locks himself in his room, grinding his cock in his pillow to try to get off of from the friction. all he feels is guilt, relief, and pure pleasure. guilt of the way his visions showing him of you in that manner since you’re far from dating each other just yet. he knows that these visions ate coming much soon which terrifies him with both excitement and anxiety.

☆ he’s still fully clothed as he grinds himself to his pillow, his head hung by shame and imagining his hands are on your waist and thrusts in a desperate, pathetic way to get himself off. his visions are vivid and constantly flashing him views of your body. him deep inside you, your back practically arching and your bodies sticking together.

☆ getting to finally do the deed with him, he’s a virgin to be short. he’s never have sexual intimacy with anyone and has never really fantasized (nor his visions giving him extremely vivid visions) of sexual acts.

☆ but your very first time with him, he’s very clumsy. he knows this moment and memory all too well already by his visions and remembers that sinking shame and yet, he can’t stop his eagerness. you’re stripping him slowly off his layers of clothing and oh god, his gaze on you never wavering. he’s seen this moment over and over in his head but still, he doesn’t want to miss even the smallest of things.

☆ he’s a sensual lover in bed, your level of comfort being the highest of his priority. and in these enclosed spaces will he ever let his blindfold off. he’s intimate and wants to let you know by his actions that every act with you will be only with and for you. he’s an intense lover in an ambiguous way and he wants you to know that well. his pace is slow and dragging very long in you but he can’t help it. he loves to feel your bodies pressing with each other and the sounds of you and him intertwining.

☆ he loves to give you little kisses everywhere on your face, especially with your eyes closed or a simple forehead kiss. that little habit of his that he loves dearly also extends to your body. he loves to nibble and bite you near your crotch area and he absolutely loves to fondle your breasts, the center of his pointer finger pressing deep down the bud of your boobs.

☆ but don’t get me wrong, when he’s jealous, he becomes harsher. eli is not one to be jealous but when it comes to his partner, he’ll try to shrug it off when someone shows a complete interest in you. after all, he’s the person you decided to date he tells himself but as it bubbles up inside of him, he can’t stand it anymore. he wants to show you on how deeply he feels and loves for you.

☆ aftercare with eli is calming, him always starting a small conversation about you of an absolutely random topic. he’s always wiping you clean or starting a bath to help clean you off if wanted or presenting you a cup of water. he loves to be in bed with you after, his hands around you and facing your side as he whispers of all the things that he loves about you and his gratefulness.

[euseokz]

for the better - pt.1 : ex-boyfriend! eunseok ft. boyfriend! shotaro . cws : toxic relationship . rough and messy sex . spitting . spanking . wc : 1.1k+ . genre : angst, smut

EX-BOYFRIEND! EUNSEOK who, even after you have supposedly moved on from him, still won’t leave your mind.

your relationship with eunseok was hard. you’d fight a lot, constantly finding something to disagree on, always annoyed at the other for something but somehow always going back to each other. at times you’d try to convince yourself that it wasn’t so bad, that maybe the constant bickering and arguing was bearable because you knew that your feelings for each other were true, that you did actually love and care for each other — but eventually you had to accept that you were wrong, because the constant walking on eggshells on both parts, the always wanting to avoid to set each other off because you knew that if a fight ensued you also wouldn’t shut up, was too much. sometimes you’d wonder if you two were just too different to make it work, but in all truthfulness, you were actually too similar. you’d both get angry over pesky things, and you both couldn’t hold your words back if you got even just the slightest bit fired up.

even if you felt shame over it, sometimes you missed it, missed someone who was on the same level as you and wouldn’t back down just like you, the thrill of it something you were probably addicted to, even if it meant you were a little bit sick for it. that was why you stuck with eunseok for so long in the first place, but then you broke up, both of you having already known that was something bound to happen eventually but not having expected for it to come so soon. it was hard to accept, but you did, and moved on — or at least you tried.

at some point you met shotaro, and he was truly like a breath of fresh air. he wasn’t nearly as argumentative as eunseok, quite the opposite actually: any time he saw you getting fired up he wouldn’t respond by also having the same reaction, instead talking to you softly until you too had calmed down. you appreciated it, the not having to always be ready to yell, the knowing he’d always try to understand your side instead of being stubborn and sticking to his ideas until the end. you really adored that in shotaro, how peaceful he could make you feel, but deep down, in some part of you that you'd never admit existed, you also missed eunseok. they were polar opposites, so missing your ex, your first love, the one you experienced so much with, while being with your current boyfriend probably shouldn't be a surprise, but it still left you feeling incredibly guilty, as if you were betraying shotaro just for thinking of eunseok.

shotaro was supposed to be your dream guy, and everyone told you just that, that you should treasure him and appreciate his patience, be grateful that he tried to help you improve where you were flawed instead of only making it worse. he was a blessing, people would also say you, and you would have to be incredibly dumb to mess things up with him, especially if the reason was that you still probably had feelings for eunseok — so why did you feel so inclined towards it? to self-sabotage and ruin things with shotaro so that you could maybe have another chance with eunseok? it was messed up, and you knew it, and that only added to your guilt, but you couldn’t control it.

maybe shotaro was great, maybe he was everything you actually needed in a partner, but he wasn’t what you wanted, what you craved.

you wanted eunseok’s roughness, how you two would yell each other, say things with the purpose of hurting one another until it all got too much and you’d just fully crash, lips pressing against each other harshly, almost painfully, your teeth clanking amidst the kiss and the way you held each other far too strong, some sort of faint bruise always accidentally left behind. eunseok would fuck you hard, would smack his hips against yours without any mercy, almost selfishly, as if he was only thinking of his own pleasure, and he’d dig his fingers into your skin to hold you in place without any account for the amount of strength he was actually applying. he’d spit at you, globs of saliva staining your sore cunt, your inner thighs, even your cheeks, only smiling pleased when you did the same to him, spitting at his face or in his mouth, the messiness of it only making you both want it faster, harder, desperate for anything more. it was nasty, filthy, and absolutely everything that shotaro would never be able to give you, because shotaro was soft. he’d never spit on you or spank you as hard as eunseok, he liked to hold you gently, to kiss you softly, and although you liked it, it wasn’t enough. you liked how everything between you and eunseok was a constant dispute, how if he yelled at you you’d yell louder at him, how if he slapped you across the face while fucking you you’d retribute without thinking twice, and with shotaro that was completely absent.

shotaro would touch you gently, his fingers almost feather life as they ran up your thighs, keeping them spread for him so he could fuck you well, his cock dragging in and out of you in a steady pace while he pressed fleeting kisses on your face, whispering small praises when he sped up, telling you how good you were for him, how well you took him, and then he was finally going faster, pistoning into you until you had both reached your highs. it was good, and in some parts it left you satisfied, but you missed eunseok’s carelessness and that felt so incredibly wrong it almost burned you from the inside out.

in the end, you knew you couldn’t end things with shotaro, not because your craving for what eunseok gave you was gone, but because you couldn’t bring yourself to break the heart of someone you cared for — because you did care about him, you loved him, the only part absent in your relationship the messiness eunseok brought into your previous one. maybe you had to accept that shotaro wasn’t like that, that he wasn’t selfish or argumentative and that he would never want to treat you like that (even if you wanted it), and maybe that wasn’t all so bad, maybe that was what you needed even if you didn’t want to admit, so you started focusing only on shotaro, on the good parts, on how happy he made you, how secure being with him felt, how warm and comforting he was, continuing to try to ignore the urge that would sometimes creep up to go after eunseok again.

[littlelightfish]

The hearts don't mean he is in love with no one. The problem with English is how vague of the word love is in his meaning. It envolves different kinds of caring in one single word. But I'll try to express here what I mean.

He cares, as a person, about everyone. This is a basic level of love that he haves towards everybody. He doesn't want anyone to actually die, that's what I mean. He doesn't necesarily cares about someone, but he loves them enough to not want them to die.

He starts befriending someone and gets to know it. He starts liking things about them and disliking others. He starts loving this people in another way, we'll call it liking. This is more a get-to-know phase he doesn't always like. The less he knows, the less reasons to get attached get attached he has. I think this are the kind of love the hearts show in the image. He has to make sure to keep a balance between how much he loves and how much he let's himself be loved. He doesn't want to have misunderstandings. He is in constant fear of "what if I made them love me more and they care more?"

And then it comes the deeply care that love is in the non-romantic way. This care a (good) parent has for his babies. The love that makes people suffer emotionally in an absolute different way from what it could be a heartbreak or a misunderstanding between friends. If something happens to the loved one, the pain is unbearable. It's one of the worst things rhat can happen. And Chilchuck knows this, he is father of three daughters, and his wife left him. She left, he knows the pain it is to come home and find it empty when there should be someone. He knows the guilt it comes with failing those loved ones. The shame. He doesn't like being this vulnerable. This love makes him suffer like no other does. So he is very very carefull of how much he allows himself to care about someone so he won't get to love like this.

He draws a line between work and private life because his private life envolves love and deep care, and he doesn't want to love nor care like this for people who's job is to constantly risk their lifes. He doesn't want to feel the anguish, he doesn't want to feel the loneliness it will come after the unenviable separation of the party.

He tries his best to not get attached to people. To not let people get attached to him. But he fails. He fails and falls downstairs with a whole drum set.

He can't help but to care about this people. He can't help but to love this people he's been living with the past few weeks in the risking of their lifes. He tells himself he's doing this for money and that he doesn't care, but he does.

Those hearts don't mean anything other than him caring about them. He cares about Senshi. He cares about Marcille. He cares about Laios. About Itsuzumi. About Namari. He cares in a way that hurts. He loves this people. He doesn't want to even imagine a world in where they are gone, or suffering, or in problems. They're his friends, they're something he, unwillingly, accepts as family.

He cares about Falin and Mickbell because he doesn't want them dead. He doesn't feel any anguish toward if they do or not get hurt after they're out of his sight. Sure, he cares, but he can live without thinking about them the rest of his days. It doesn't happen like that with Laios. He can't just simply let Laios go and follow Fallin just after he recover consciousness from a punch in the gut. Was it Mickbell, he would let him if he really didn't wanted. But Laios didn't wanted to sit and wait, and he had to care. He had to verbalize to himself that he cared. He had to let them know, so they would act accordingly. So they won't get themselves killed like idiots.

He doesn't want others to fall in romantic love with him. He doesn't feel romantic love towards anyone either. He isn't the man for this kind of love. He is, in fact, afraid of it. He doesn't want to fall in love, because he's still in love with his wife. She left him because he was negligent. But since when has this become the definitive stop for love? Chilchuck knows his wife is angry at him, and she has all the reason to be so! His husband, the one she loved and cared for, gets himself in dangerous situations, treats his body poorly and almost never is home. She loves him, and it hurts her to love like this, so she leaves. Like this she won't have to look at him get himself mistreated like he does. She would have the pull in her's stomach that tells her that he could be in great danger, that she could become a widow, but she tries to calm it with his daughter's mail to him. He could never. He can't imagine a world in wich they cease to exist. A world without his wife, even if she distanced herself, without his daughters, would be a world worthless of living. He knows this. Because he cares and he loves in such a deep level that he is scared of loving anyone else like this. To become so vulnerable to emotion. This vulnerable to something bad happening.

The fact that he is so afraid of loosing his wife, even after she left him, says a lot. He still cares about her. He is still in love with her. He wants to go back to what it was before, but he can't and he know its his fault. And he respects his wife's distance because he loves her. Now, he doesn't love her in the movie way, he isnt in love like a teenager would to his first girlfriend, he doesn't want to kiss her, or hug her, or be by her side at all moments of the day. He loves her. He cares about her deeply, deeply enough that he doesn't need to be by her side to care, to love. He also respects her. He can survive without her because he knows she's better with his daughter. For sure he wants to hug, kiss and be by the side of this person he loves, it would be ideal, but he can survive without thinking about it too much. It's just like with his daughters. They're all adults that now live far from him. And he is ok with it now. He sends mail and recieves mail, and even if he misses greatly, he can manage not to think about it. Because he knows she is allright. Because he knows he fucked up. He doesn't know where he fuked up, but for his wife to leave him, at least he knows he did. They never talked about it, because they both seem to have a problem in expressing themselves. She fell into a bad mood and then she disappeared. The amount of pain he must have felt it's... let's say it's quite big.

He keeps his guard up. He doesn't want to love deeply anyone. He doesn't want to feel the emptiness, the hurt, that comes after someone so dear leaves. He knows for a fact he'll be leaving this people. He knows that they could die. If he loves, it will hurt in a way nothing else hurts. He will miss. He doesn't like missing people he cares like this. This is why he doesn't want to love. This is why he doesn't want to be loved. This is why those hearts that are almost full are his main source of concern. This is why he makes the effort to keep this feelings at bay, to love only in the friendly way and with extreme caution.

But he can't controll his own love. And he ends up caring more and more about these people. He slowly makes him a part of the dangerous love zone that family means. He is afraid to confuse someone about his feelings towards them, so he still tries to maintain distance with his abusive remarks, but this only works so far. He loves and is loved. And because of this he will suffer.

I... I extended myself a bit I see...

[the-oakwald-ambassador]

The Masks We Wear (3)

Gwyn was getting damn good, Azriel realized. She was fast and intuitive in how her body moved, her blade an extension of her arm and willpower. But even quicker than her body in the ring was her mind, so when she pulled him aside after training months later, after nothing but awkward smiles and stunted silences, Azriel knew it was long past time to confess his truth.

It was the ultimate ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ moment for the Shadowsinger, and the elementary nature of the core of the conversation had his cheeks flushing with shame. 

“Do not feel embarrassed by your truth, Shadowsinger. I want you to be happy more than I want you to be with me.” Gwyn said after the ring had cleared out. 

Azriel took a deep breath and squared his shoulders to face the priestess as she put away the wooden swords from training the newer valkyries. 

“That is… very good of you, Gwyn. Thank you.” Azriel was at a loss for words, not only because he was not expecting such grace from, well, anyone, but also because he had not realized how much he needed to have his own happiness prioritized in the power balance of a relationship. 

He had always thought that he would one day grow tired of solitude and settle into a comfortable alliance with someone who would give him enough space to feel his depravities in silence. He would nurse his wounds in dark rooms in the back half of their shared home, avoided by someone compassionate enough to understand that there just was no fixing people sometimes. 

Someone who understood that Azriel would prefer to remain broken and alone behind closed doors, while humbly parading a mirage of domestic bliss to his friends. 

To his family. 

The thought of the weight of that lie had him denying the females around him for years, close or not. Hell, it had him accepting Gwyn’s thinly veiled disappointment with a deep breath of hidden relief. 

He nodded once to the priestess, who smiled back at him with sad but knowing eyes and closed lips, and disappeared into shadow. He landed on the banks of the Sidra moments later, far enough from the Rainbow to avoid being seen.

The chill of autumn had set in, Azriel realized. The last of the warm weather in Illyria had passed months ago, as had the strange persisting pain in his hands that he hadn't felt in a long, long time. 

He should visit his mother’s home soon, he thought wistfully as he envisioned sitting at her table, being plied for information about his life with a warm mug of chai and her inviting smile. 

Her kind voice. Her gentle eyes. The shadow of her tattered wings. 

Yes, he should visit her soon, he thought as he kicked pebbles along the paved river-shore walk.

He missed his mother dearly, but felt that there was something deep and unchangeable about himself that reminded her of a centuries-old pain that could never be erased. The shame and guilt of his own survival washed over him as the Sidra sprayed the rocks of the shore gently with mist and foam. 

Velaris’s beauty did nothing to soothe the cold pit of anger that opened up within him. 

This rage, this deep well of unending pain formed the unbridgeable chasm that kept him from moving on with the others. His soul was fractured by his past and his profession kept him distant enough from everyone - solely out of a fear and disgust that matched his own - that no one asked why he was struggling. 

Hell, no one even knew he was suffering. 

They hadn’t for over 500 years, and Azriel planned to keep it that way. 

Self-disgust flooded his veins. 

Azriel gritted his teeth, closing his eyes and letting the wind rustle through his short black curls. 

He knew he was attractive. Many even called him beautiful. But inside he knew the truth. He was rotten and cold, and there was no one in their world who’d be able to look past that to find his core, the secret sunshine and longing that he hid from everyone. That he hid from himself. 

He wanted someone to see it. To feel his warmth. To wrap within his wings and hold. To touch and not think about how he was tarnishing them with his scarred, bloodied hands. 

But there was no one if his realm willing to find the sweetness beneath the rot, at least not on this cold riverside, so Azriel kept walking deep into the night until Velaris’s lights were far behind him, and the high cliffs above the city provided a good enough vantage point of the world that he could compartmentalize his pain once again. 

___

Beron was a fucking problem.

Eris’s supplication and willingness to take the brunt of his anger was no longer taking the edge off of the aggravated High Lord of the Autumn Court. 

His wife had taken a leave of absence from court, collecting herself for the past few weeks in the solitude of her chambers, and had not allowed Eris of any of her beloved sons to visit. 

Beron must have done a number on her. 

The thought had Eris grinding his molars as he sat at Beron’s table with his advisors and other court members, talking about Rath and the escalating political situation within Prythian. 

Tarquin hadn’t sent word, but the supplies Autumn was receiving from Summer were rapidly diminishing in quantity and quality. Tamlin had cut ties completely, stating his focus lay with reconstructing the countryside of Spring following the war and that he had no need for Beron’s input on how to do so effectively.

The quip had made its mark, and Beron had been fuming for weeks about it. 

Kallias and his “bitch wife”, the undeniably beautiful and brilliant Viviane, had not resurrected their once-flowing trade routes, which had the northern half of the Autumn Court scrambling for food. 

The harvest had been weak this year.

The villages were barely surviving the scarcity. 

And the issues had seemingly only begun. 

Autumn had been trading with Rath through a port they shared with Thesan’s southeastern border. Which had been fine when Dawn was still in a formal political alliance with Autumn. 

But Thesan’s lover had delivered a missive abolishing said alliance on no uncertain terms three days prior, leaving Beron without access to the catalyst for the continent’s gripe with him, and his court without sustenance or connection to the outside world. 

Eris could tell that his father’s blood was boiling. Beron’s fingers were twitching with rage as he lounged in his seat at the head of the table, listening haphazardly at the feeble supplications of his courtiers. 

Lucien would thrive in this situation, Eris thought randomly. A deep ache and longing coursed through him for the fraternity of his youngest, most beloved brother. 

They had been close once. When they were younger, and no lovers had been slayed, no secrets had been betrayed, and all they worried of was how high in the orchards they could climb without slipping. 

Eris had taught him to climb those trees. 

Eris had caught him when he had slipped and fallen from the branches. 

Had glamored his scrapes and bruises so as to not incite questions from Beron as to why his sons were presenting themselves in such a rugged, unseemly way. 

His mother saw through the feeble attempts to hide those secrets from sight - had seen through them and smiled lovingly. For it was her who had taught Eris the same tricks. 

Eris loved Lucien fiercely, had and still did. Always would, though it remained a painful secret he dutifully concealed, as to not place more ire and focus on the youngest son of Autumn. 

And of Day, he thought quickly, secretly, and then cleared his mind immediately as to not betray his mother’s secret to any unknown daemati in the room. 

He looked around nervously, though inconspicuously, and realized that no one’s fearful gaze was stuck on his pompous figure. No, they were all anticipating the eruption of rage that was moments away from bursting out of their High Lord. 

Beron had risen.

He had planted his palms flat on the table.

And he had quietly ordered them all to leave him immediately. 

All but one.

All but Eris Vanserra, who didn’t let himself feel the fear that coursed through him. 

The courtiers bustled away, quietly shutting the door to the meeting room behind them, leaving Eris to his fate. 

It was no torture chamber, but Beron’s rage was agnostic when it came to location. 

“Eris, my dear son, did you hear?” Eris’s stomach dropped, as he realized he had zoned off to whatever crucial detail Beron was alluding to. 

“Which part, father?” He asked, innocently and blankly, as to not stir more anger in Beron.

“The part where we now need a new port to use for trade with Rath.” Ice cold rage and vitriol was spewed with the sharp statement.

Eris bit back his worry, nodding thoughtfully and humming in acquiescence to the power the Beron was emanating. 

“Yes, father, I heard.” Eris responded. 

“Then you’ll understand that failure on this next assignment is not an option, yes?”

“Yes,” Eris said, resolute in weathering Beron’s impending demand.

“You are to go to Helion and request access to his port in his northeastern territory. You are to secure an alliance and an agreement that we can trade with Rath through it. You are to secure a trade route down the eastern coast back to Autumn without Thesan knowing. And you are not to come home empty handed. Are we clear?” Beron snapped, his cold eyes never leaving his son’s.

“As crystal,” Eris replied, letting some of his ire towards his father slip through. 

Beron’s eyes narrowed at the slight, but he dismissed Eris without saying anything. 

As Eris stalked quickly back to his chambers, he cursed under his breath. There was only one treasure in Autumn that Helion would make such an agreement for, and as selfish and desperate as he was, Eris doubted Beron would put his wife on the table for trade. 

Ers was so completely and utterly fucked. 

And the worst part was he knew his suffering had only begun. 

[cosmic-metanoia]

An Amazing Protagonist (of All Time)

***Warning – Spoilers for Final Fantasy XVI***

Clive is seriously one of the best protagonists I have ever come across not just in a video game but in any media. He is not perfect but the transformation we gradually witness from the age of 15 through 33 is absolutely astounding. As a teenager, he’s incredibly mature and has a strong sense of loyalty to his nation and his brother despite being treated like garbage by his own mother. At 28 during his “revenge era”, we see a brooding and darker side of him and it’s obvious that he has experienced too much. He is hellbent on avenging Joshua only to find out he was the one who killed him. The shame and guilt that burdens Clive and the eventual forgiveness and acceptance of his new identity is something many of us can relate to. We see his heroism when he becomes leader of the Cursebreakers and holds the torch handed over by Cid. Of course, we cheer him on as the warrior that he is with his amazing combat skills and Eikon powers. Yet there is so much more to Clive than his epic presence on the battlefield and his handsome looks. Many heroes (and superheroes) encompass similar qualities I just described but there are a few things that REALLY set Clive apart as a main character.

Clive is incredibly emotionally intelligent and has a lot of empathy for others. He can discern relationships between people and how deep their bonds run. He also has a wonderful sense of negotiation when dealing with tough issues and he is often able to help third parties come to a mutual agreement. He doesn’t need to use intimidating gestures, facial expressions, or harsh words to scare others into doing what he wishes. Even if he cannot convince someone, he knows when it is time to give up and politely step away. (As a random thought – have you noticed that Clive doesn’t just step in and take Bearers away from their masters when he witnesses them being abused in public? I think it’s because he’s more concerned with being on the radar which may lead adversaries to the Hideaway. He has to think about the Bearers currently under his protection. Nevertheless, I can imagine it must be hard for him to watch.) The tenderness he has for Jill makes my heart gleefully burst. The way he treats her as his equal and is so supportive of her is divinely refreshing! Not to mention his absolute loyalty to her even before they revealed their feelings to each other aloud. And I could go on and on about his love for his dearest little brother. One other quality about him is that he's not afraid to weep tears of joy or grief at certain moments - which, in my opinion, makes him more masculine and not less. There’s a TON of evidence to support everything I said but I would just encourage everyone to play ALL of the side quests to really understand Clive.

Generally speaking, many people have lived harsh lives and unfortunately some of those people use that as an excuse to treat others badly. With that logic, Clive could use his maternal issues as an excuse to treat women ill or use his upbringing as an excuse to hate on others but he was MUCH stronger. He chose love, brotherhood, and righteousness. I heard someone on the internet say that “Clive makes me want to be a better man” and that is FREAKING beautiful!

[silvervioletvalentine]

❣️what’s love if you can’t feel it?❣️

Pairing: Mick Schumacher X Cherrie! . Past max verstappen X Cherrie!

Summary: in which she had to fall out of love with max to realise what was right in front of her all along.

Word count: 5.4k

When she was younger and more naive , she used to believe that she and max would be together forever

. That it didn’t matter how many times he brushed off her own excitement , or how many times he made her feel like less of a person by standing beside him. Not caring that his achievements were much greater than her own could ever be , she always just smiled and told him that she was proud of him always, even when he overlooked her own smaller , lesser achievements that meant the world to her.

She ignored the feeling of shame that grew overtime whenever max wouldn’t take her feelings or thoughts seriously , when he rolled his eyes at her silly ways and told her that she needed to grow up and take things more seriously . Like him.

She pushed through it and she ignored the sharp sting of hurt that she would feel whenever he turned away, simply because she loved him and max loved her. And well. That has to be enough right?

It didn’t matter that she wasn’t as happy as he was, max always came first. His happiness, his achievements and his pride.

It was always about him and she was okay with that, at least she had been because she loved him and max had always said that what they had would last forever .

And when you’re eighteen and somebody tells you that they love you , you’re gonna believe them.

Because words can carry so much hope and feeling, three simple words can make you like the happiest girl in the entire world . Even if only for a second until the moment fades away and you’re left clinging onto the memory of promises whispered into the night .

Because words meant something , it was inevitable that they could bring misery too.

It was what wasn’t said that could hurt the most and Cherrie wished that she had spoken up all those times that he made her feel ashamed by just being who she was.

Because what was love if you couldn’t feel it? It was just a word, a empty promise and a lie .

Then the differences and wavering thoughts started to set in. As the years passed by and the bliss of being in love and in a new relationship faded to acceptance, to habit and familiarity. No more kisses at the door , just another place to come home to.

She found herself hesitating before she could ever turn the key, swallowing down the unease that creeped inside her chest as she took a deep breath and told herself that she should be happy that she had someone to come home to at all.

Because wasn’t it better than being lonely? She would remind herself at night , a body of space between her and max as she curled up at the edge of her side of the bed , no longer did he hold her through the night.

But how could it be love if she felt lonely right by his side?

The guilt was a difficult things to carry around when she knew that max was none the wiser to her growing unhappiness, to her slow resentment towards his carelessness towards her love throughout the years .

Fours years of coming home to a man that only told her what they would be doing that weekend, he never asked her opinion , never asked if it was okay or if that was something she wanted to do on her Saturdays.

She just smiled and looked pretty right by his side until slowly she realised that she didn’t want this to be her life.

She didn’t want cold kisses in the night, didn’t want rushed goodbyes, didn’t want rolling off the eyes whenever she told a joke that he just couldn’t understand. Didn’t want to be with someone that was too cool to hold her hand in front of their friends.

And it wasn’t until she was beside mick that she realised then, that it didn’t have to be so cold and that love didn’t have to feel so cruel.

It took four years for Cherrie to realise that max didn’t love her the way she deserved to be loved.

It took just a night for her to realise that the love she wanted all along was already right their by her side, mick had been patiently waiting for what felt like his whole life to treat her right and to show her that she didn’t have to feel lonely in her own bed .

That there was more to love than what was never said .

For as long as Cherrie could remember she had loved dancing , even if she wasn’t very good at it.

Her mother used to tell her to just have fun, that it didn’t matter if you weren’t good at something as long as it made you feel good and it made you happy , why did it matter if she looked like a fool? It made her feel like a little kid again.

It was past midnight and the stars had filled the sky like tiny diamonds that she couldn’t bare to look away from for too long , crossing her fingers and hoping to catch a glimpse of a shooting star so that she could make her wish.

Glancing over at max on the sidewalk as the two of them walked back from the bar where they had spent the night celebrating another one of his wins with their friends.

Despite shivering in her short dress , max having told her that she wouldn’t need a coat because it would have been warm in the bar , she danced on her tips toes with a small , tipsy giggle gaining her boyfriends attention.

She spun around in a circle , grinning over at him

cheekily as she extended her hand out for him to take ahold of , face bright and hopeful as her eyes glittered at him under the street lights.

“Dance with me baby!” She exclaimed wiggling her fingers at him as she spun around again and wiggled her hips , giggling at the fun she was having . Wanting him to join in on her happiness too.

Max glanced down at her hopeful hand and groaned, his hands staying tucked into the pockets of his warm jacket as he rolled his eyes at her .

“You’re such a child.” He muttered not even looking at her as he looked ahead if him in the direction of the hotel that they were staying at. “You’re always dancing like a little kid. You look ridiculous.”

Missing the way her smile slowly fell from her lips, hand lowering back down to her side as she stopped dancing.

Embarrassment coating her chest as she flushed , rubbing at her cold arms instead. Having been dancing just to gain some warmth seeing as max hadn’t offered her his jacket.

‘I can’t risk getting a cold before the race. You’ll be fine, we’ll be back at the hotel soon anyways.’ Was all he had told her when she had told him that she was cold, glancing hopefully at his jacket over his jumper.

“I-I like dancing. It’s fun. You’d like it too if you danced with me.. I promise.” She tried again, smiling at him lightly . Nudging his arm arm hopefully with her own, giving him a second chance to take her hand and dance with her .

Max just sighed and looked down at her for a moment , before shaking his head at her .

He smiled at her a little apologetically once he finally noticed the upset look on her face when he turned her awaiting hand away yet again.

“I’m too tired and I’d just embarrass myself. Come on..” was all he muttered as he nodded down at the hotel shining brightly in the distant. “Let’s go.”

She didn’t ask him to dance anymore after that night. Didn’t want to embarrass him with her silly moves and stumbling feet.

When mick had found out about her ending her relationship with max , the first thing her friend did was take her out for a drink. A knowing look on his face as he told her that there was no doubt that ‘she needed some shots after four years of max , max and max.’ Cherrie just agreeing with a amused yet slightly sad grin as they went from bar to bar until they could no longer walk in a straight line without holding onto each other .

Walking down the street underneath the clear black sky , Cherrie glanced up at the stars with a wistful sigh , her arm hooked through micks as she wondered why she didn’t feel sadder. Why she didn’t feel pain , instead just a cooling relief after ending her relationship with max.

“You were right. I should have listened to you when you told me not to go out with him four years ago.” She muttered to him with a small , amused smirk as she leant her head against his forearm, attention to the sky full of stars.

Mick gazed down at her with a small smile, sighing a little to himself as he felt his heart squeeze fondly in his chest as he watched her sway her body a little from side to side , humming a song from underneath her breath. Always dancing.

He decided not to tell her that the reason why he had had been so adamant with her not dating max was because he had wanted to be the one she went out with instead .

He had told her that out of sadness and jealously but also a little thread of truth. He had always known that max wasn’t the right fit for her .

She was sunshine and max was a cloud full of rain that shadowed her from being her true self.

Mick had spent years watching from the sidelines as her usual bright and cheeky smile faded to something smaller, something sad as she stood silently by Max’s side through it all.

She didn’t walk so proud and didn’t talk so loud anymore. It was as though max had taken away her light. Had coloured her happiness grey , no longer was she a walking rainbow full of smiles.

It had hurt him to see and had made him feel sick knowing that there was nothing he could do about it either . She had to be the one to realise that she needed to let go of broken promises and easy rides.

And mick couldn’t lie and not admit that when she called him with relief in her voice to tell him that it was over , that she was finally done with being background noise in somebody else’s life .

Mick had felt nothing but happiness and the hope that he had long ago buried slowly blossomed again when he opened up his door to find her there with a smile , the same cheeky smile that he had missed so dearly . The smile that max had taken away.

She felt right where she was supposed to be even if she didn’t realise it yet.

“Well.. better late than never I suppose.” He muttered with a small smirk , chuckling when she pinched his side and gave him a look.

Grinning at her as he rubbed at her goosebump ridden arms , pausing in their walk as he glanced down at her small dress that couldn’t be keeping her warm at all.

He didn’t hesitate to pull off his jacket, making Cherrie freeze and look up at him with a frown as he reached forward and pulled her loose arms through each of the sleeves, Cherrie too surprised to stop him.

“You- you’ll get cold! I don’t want you to get sick for the race! I’ll be okay! Honestly-” she rambled to him In worry as she clicked back to life .

Remembering the way max had complained that he couldn’t risk getting sick , refusing to give her his jacket and telling her that his health was more important .

She didn’t want to make mick sick and have him upset with her.

She went to take his jacket back off only to be stopped my mick holding her shoulders and stopping her with a small scoff.

Laughing at her like she was silly , he threw his arm over her shoulder and pulled her along to walk with him again.

“Don’t be silly! I don’t care about that. I don’t want you to get sick! You’re more important.” He told her easily , meaning it. Glancing down at her bare legs with a slight frown “I just wished that I had my car. I had some sweatpants in the back that you could have worn. Sorry about that. Next time we’ll take my car or at least get a taxi.” He told her apologetically as though her being cold was his fault.

Cherrie couldn’t believe it.

Blinking at him silently , swallowing slightly as she realised then that mick always put her first. Had always given her his jacket when she was cold without her even having to say a thing.

She slipped her arm around his waist and hesitated for a moment , not wanting to face the same shame that she had felt with max. Recalling the way he had reacted and wondering if mick would react the same way.

She took a glance up at his soft eyes and even softer smile before asking him quietly .

Voice hesitant and unsure as she pulled away from him for a moment only to offer him her hand instead , mick looking down at her wiggling fingers curiously.

“Do you want to dance?” She asked him quietly ,

Giving him a little spin and a tipsy giggle when she almost tripped over the curb while doing so.

Mick watched her dance like a overactive kid in front of him, wiggling her butt at him and laughing loudly when he glanced from her shaking butt to her face with a raise of his brow.

He grinned and didn’t hesitate to take her hand.

“Dance with you? Always!” He laughed as he twirled her underneath his arm , Cherrie beaming up at him with flushed cheeks , her eyes lighting up.

Feeling giddy as the two of them danced like little kids underneath the stars, stumbling over and stepping on each other’s toes more times than they could count.

Cherrie felt happiness and glee light up her chest as she giggled loudly , eyes locked with mick’s bright ones as he dipped her over his arm with a dramatically twirl . Her hair falling over his arm in messy waves, head thrown back in unashamed laughter as he stared down at her pretty face in wonder.

“Look at the stars.” Cherrie whispered to him , arm around his shoulders and still dipped down like a painting underneath the dark sky.

Mick slowly pulled her back up, arms never leaving her as he pulled her into his side instead. Still rocking them from side to side in a silent dance , pressing his cheek against the top of her head as they both glanced up at the starry sky.

And Cherrie could only watch with a small smile , heart beating in her throat as she gasped .

Watching with wide eyes as a shooting star sailed by in clear sight.

Mick squeezed her to him in excitement.

“Quick! Make a wish!” He exclaimed grinning widely as he held her to him, keeping her warm.

Cherrie thought back to how she had wished for a shooting star and to dance under the midnight sky with max, only to feel nothing but shame when he rolled his eyes at her and told her that she behaved like a little kid.

She glanced up at mick’s beaming face as he met her eyes without any shame.

Laughing loudly as he pulled her into yet another dramatic and childish dance under the stars , his coat hanging over her shoulders and his smile against her cheek as he mumbled a song into her ear, the two of them giggling like little kids.

She let out a shaky breath and wished that the second time really was the charm. Wish to feel this happy forever.

Cherrie could remember a time when she had been in the passenger seat of max’s car as he drove them home , gasping excitedly when a familiar voice came over the radio.

“Oh my god!” She giggled loudly as she reached forward to turn up the radio as a Taylor swift song played. “I love this song!” She gushed to max, dancing in her seat .

“I knew you were trouble when you’re walked in! It’s a shame on me-!” She started to sing along loudly , grinning over at max as she pointed at him jokingly .

Lifting her hand and pretending she had a microphone , putting her hand to his mouth as the radio played. Giggling at her boyfriend to sing along , knowing how much she loved Taylor swift.

But max just pushed her hand away from his face with a annoyed look on his face , reaching forward to quickly down turn down the radio again.

Cherrie’s smile quickly faded, lowering her hand back to her lap with a grimace. Shame quickly taking over when she saw the tired glance he gave her, looking like he would rather be anywhere else but there in the car with her .

“I’ve got a headache Cherrie. You’re always playing this shit. It does my head in. I don’t like it!” He groaned , focusing on the road and missing the way her eyes fell to her lap in shame.

Swallowing and nodding along silently to his scolding. It was true. She was always playing her favourite album around their apartment . She hasn’t realised how much it had annoyed him.

“Sorry.” She mumbled to him embarrassed , leaning her head against the window and watching the trees quickly fade into the distance as they sped down the highway.

Max just sighed and placed his hand on her thigh, squeezing and giving her a small smile.

“It’s alright. Just don’t scream it at me yeah? Gives me a headache.”

As Mick drove them back from an event , Cherries eyes went straight down to the radio playing quietly as she heard a familiar song start to play.

Biting down on her lip to stop herself from singing along, not wanting to annoy mick by turning up the music. Knowing how much max used to hate it when she sang along in the car.

Only mick gasped with a grin, quickly looking over at her in excitement . “It’s Taylor! She’s your favourite right?” He exclaimed happily , recalling all the times he would listen to her gush about the singer when they were younger.

Remembering fondly how hard she had cried when her mother had bought her tickets to one of her shows when she was seventeen .

Mick still had a picture of her with puffy eyes and a toothy grin on his phone somewhere. Having laughed at her over the top reaction , having been the one to tell her mum to get her the tickets. Having even helped pay for them too.

Not that Cherrie knew that. He had told her mum to keep his involvement in her gift a secret, not yet confident enough and too in love and too shy to let her know back then .

He had merely sat back with a grin and enjoyed her reaction while taking photos of her crying hysterically to blackmail her with in the future.

Cherrie looked over at him in surprise as he quickly turned up the radio , a smile tugging at her lips as she felt her stomach flutter with butterflies .

“Yeah..” she laughed a little shyly . Unused to the attention and matched energy on things she loved.

Max never listened to music she liked, he didn’t even know her favourite song.

Mick wiggled his eyebrows at her playfully “sing along them! I love this song too! When you told me about her new album I bought it the next day!”

He admitted to her unashamedly.

He listened to every song that she had ever recommended to him. Because If she liked it then he would too.

And as she looked over at mick’s cheeky grin and bright eyes, she let go of the shame that had been holding her down for four years.

Max wouldn’t let her sing along to the radio.

But mick sang along loudly with her, both of them having a little concert in his car as they stole glanced at each other . Mick making her laugh as he wiggled in his seat, dancing the best that he could while still driving safely.

“'Cause karma is my boyfriend

Karma is a god

Karma is the breeze in my hair on the weekend

Karma's a relaxing thought

Aren't you envious that for you it's not?” They screamed/ sang, laughing hysterically together.

And as mick smiled at her like she was the shooting star in his whole sky, she felt it then.

What it was like to be loved without any shame.

Because what was love if you couldn’t feel it? Couldn’t sing it?

This is karma . She thought silently to herself as she smiled over at mick with the butterflies gilding from her stomach right to her chest and back into her heart.

This was what she had been aching for.

Max had once come home to find her laid out on their carpet with a cheap bottle of wine in her hands, just gazing at the ceiling as she relaxed while listening to the radio. Something that she had liked doing since she was an angsty teenager in her room.

He took one look at her and frowned, scrunching up his face as he looked at the bottle of cheap wine beside her.

“Why do you drink that? It’s disgusting. We have champagne!” He reminded her not understanding why she still bought the cheapest bottle she could find.

“And get up off the floor! God! It’s like living with a child!” He groaned , stepping over her and heading to the bedroom instead. Where he stayed the rest of the night.

When Mick came home and saw Cherrie lying on the fluffy carpet with a bottle of cheap wine beside her, he just let out a fond laugh.

Quickly throwing his gym bag onto the floor and walking over to her , grinning down at her in amusement .

Admiring her rosy cheeks and half lidded eyes, he didn’t hesitate in getting down onto the floor and laying on his side beside her.

Placing his cheek on his fist and pushing her hair away from her face with his free hand, Cherrie smiling lazily up at him.

“Any reason why we’re on the floor?” He finally asked her quietly after ten minutes of just laying by her side , gazing up at the ceiling quietly . Enjoying her presence.

Cherrie just bummed , passing the cheap bottle of wine to mick who took a small sip without a single grimace. Used to her cheap wine and preferring it to the usual overpriced champagne.

“Nope.” She muttered . Glancing over at him, resting her cheek on his shoulder with a soft sigh. “Just wanted to lay on the floor . Don’t know why. You don’t have to do it with me though.” She told him honestly not wanting him to hurt his back.

Mick just smiled and brushed his fingers over her flushed cheek, leaning down to give her a soft kiss .

“No. If you lay on the floor then I lay on the floor. We’re floor bonding.” Was all he mumbled against her lips, still smiling.

Cherrie giggled as she dug her face into his neck with a shy giggle , overwhelmed with the feeling of love as mick took her into his arms, holding her close as he hummed along to the radio quietly.

He didn’t question her strange ways. He just joined her in them instead.

And that was when she knew that they were in love.

Cherrie used to spend a long time waiting for max to turn up to their dates, smiling along to his excuses whenever he was late . Pushing down the embarrassment she felt from sitting alone in a restaurant, having to tell the waiter that he was coming, that he was just a little late.

But she didn’t have to wait anymore.

Because as Cherrie arrived at the restaurant that mick had agreed to meet her at for their date night, he was already there and waiting for her at their table with a grin.

Immediately jumping up from his seat to greet her with a excited hello, kissing her like he hasn’t seen her in years even though he had only left her that morning. However reluctantly.

He pulled out her chair and tucked her in, not eating his food until she picked up her fork and tucked in. Trying the vegan food just because she was ‘vegan now’ even though he knew that in a few weeks time she would give in and be ordering a burger again.

But he went along with it without any complaint because he loved her. Simply eating the weird tasting food and muttering that ‘it wasn’t that bad’ even as he washed away the taste quickly with a gulp of wine.

Smiling just because she was too. Laughing loudly at her silly jokes, getting up halfway through their dinner just to slide his seat around the table to be sat right beside her instead. Thigh to thigh and arm to arm, the two giggled like little kids, never a lull in conversation and never a awkward pause.

She didn’t have to sit quietly and listen to him rant about his day without ever asking her about her own like she had with max.

She didn’t have to pretend , didn’t have to act like somebody else just to make him happy.

Because she made him happy on all on her own. With her stupid jokes and too loud laugh, with her terrible food and childish dancing .

Mick loved her for who she was. And she felt it.

It wasn’t just words anymore and nothing went unsaid.

Max was always late to their dates. But mick was always early , eager to see her walk into the room with a beaming smile on his face when he told her how beautiful she looked that night. Every night.

And that was the difference of being told that someone loved you and knowing that they did.

Because max may have told her that he loved her but with mick she could feel it. And that meant everything.

Max had never been into pda, too embarrassed to kiss her in front of their friends even if it was her birthday. He would cringe even holding her hand and the most she would ever get was a arm around her waist when he wanted someone to know that she was his. But that was out of possessiveness, not love.

With mick it was different. He wasn’t ashamed of his love for her because he had loved her for what felt like his whole life and now that he finally had the chance to show her how he felt , he was never going to miss an opportunity to love on her . Even in public.

Last year she had been standing in the exact same spot at a club for her birthday, drunk and having a good time from the constant flow of alcohol that her friends had been giving her.

She had leant against max with a drunken grin, leaning up to give him a kiss while he was chatting to Daniel about something .

Max had flinched and frowned down at her, not letting her kiss him in front of their friends and his teammates. Letting out a slight laugh as he pushed her away from him a little, holding her around the waist instead.

Cherrie had flushed in embarrassment at his rejection, lowering herself down from her tippy toes with a silent sigh . Looking away from her boyfriend and accidentally catching Daniels eyes instead.

He had been frowning in concern , watching the way she swallowed and tried not to cry on her birthday.

Max obviously chatting away to somebody else with her tucked in his side, refusing to even kiss her, too embarrassed to be seen as affectionate , too worried it would make him seem weak to his teammates.

She knew that it was a product of his dads making but it didn’t make the sting hurt any less.

She had smiled weakly at Daniel and looked away, keeping quiet for the rest of the night and ignoring the way he kept looking between her and max like he was just realising something.

But now, a year later , Daniel could only watch with small smile as mick wrapped his arm around the back of cherries neck with a lovesick grin , cradling her head in his elbow as he leant down and kissed her in front of all of their friends , unashamed.

Ignoring their hollering and teasing remarks, he just nudged his nose gently against her own and smiled against her lips.

“I love you. I can’t believe that I have the most beautiful woman in the world in my arms!” He grinned down at her , twirling her underneath his arm to show her off . Admiring how perfect she looked in her sparkling dress.

She blushed and wrapped her arms around his waist , laughing bashfully as he kissed her head and told her that he had a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie in his car for her to change into when she wanted to leave. Having always kept them there in his car boot for cold nights like this.

He never let her go cold again. It was always his coat around her shoulders and her heels in his hands , his too big shoes on her feet while he walked bare footed down the streets just to make her comfortable.

She was his number one. Because he was in love and it showed.

And later that night when Daniel pulled her to the side and told her “that what she and mick had was real.” A knowing smile on his lips as he gave her a hug and muttered.

“I told max that he would would lose you if he kept taking your love for granted. But I’m glad to see that you’ve found the one . It’s always been mick hasn’t it?”

Cherrie just smiled and nodded her head yes .

Eyes never leaving mick’s glimmering ones as he waved at her from across the club, the grin never leaving his face as he nodded towards the door knowingly .

“You ready to go?” He mouthed at her with a knowing wink, having the rest of their night planned for them back at their apartment.

Knowing that she preferred it to be just them. Where she could be herself with him, always.

“He loves me and I can feel it. He’s my person. He’s my best friend and honestly-” she beamed at Daniel, laughing freely . Not ashamed of her love anymore.

“He makes me happy. He sings along to my favourite songs. He drinks my cheap wine and dances with me at midnight..” she shrugged as though it explained everything and to her it did.

Everything he did showed her that he loved her. That he was unashamed to love her too.

He had been there the whole time and no longer was she afraid to shine . No longer did she have to smile and look pretty , lonely beside a man that was too afraid of her love.

Now she had mick, who shined the light on her and stood back with a proud grin on his face while she sparkled in every room she went in. Her smile no longer forced and Timid.

She was herself again.

She was in love.

She just had to fall out of love with max to realise that what she was aching for the whole time was right there in front of her all along.

[theghostnugget]

My YYH AU is as follows:

Literally the only change is that Hiei and Yukina meet as children. Hiei gets the Jagan, finds the floating ice island, and instead of finding Yukina happily playing with some animals, he sees her getting lectured by an older ice maiden who is telling her that her emotions are shameful and she’s just like her whore mother. Hiei descends from the trees to stand between his sister and the emotionless shell calling her horrible names. He insults her back and threatens to set her on fire if she doesn’t apologize to his sister. The ice maiden flees to sound the alarm, but Yukina grabs Hiei’s hand and begs him to take her somewhere free. So, like the doting big brother he is, Hiei takes her to the most free place he knows - the woods (where Yukina promptly begins playing with the forest animals). They chat and bond, and when Hiei tells her he’s leaving she begs to go with him. And once again, like the doting brother he is, he obliges. Suddenly, through his lonely crimeful traipsing through the Demon World, his precious sister is tagging along.

As they grow up, they become nearly unrecognizable compared to the Hiei and Yukina we know. They’re similar in the most important ways – Hiei is still a violent criminal and Yukina is still a soft-hearted sweetheart, but they balance out the damage in each other.

Hiei’s biggest flaw (when you boil down the rage, violence, and criminal behavior) is two-fold. The first fold is poor modelling – His role-model (which he actually admits is the closest thing he had to a father) was a thief who was perfectly happy to murder a baby until he found out that the baby had something valuable. Violence, murder, and insults are the only tools that Hiei was given to interact with the world. The second fold? Hiei was never loved unconditionally – and in fact has never been loved at all. He was allowed to continue existing if he was useful enough, but no living person has ever treated Hiei with care or affection. EVER. This leads to someone who is violently and fiercely determined to be viewed as strong. Because that’s literally the only redeeming quality he thinks he has.

Yukina has been treated like a burden her entire life. Her father doesn’t know she exists, her mother killed herself when Yukina was young (kind of implying that Yukina wasn’t worth living for), and her entire community treats her like a freak. She’s an orphan, raised (at best) by her mother’s ex-best friend who’s crippled with guilt. Every Ice Maiden in the village is afraid she’ll turn out just like her mother (who’s crime, as far as we know, is being curious about other cultures – which Yukina is – and having an open heart – which Yukina does… Also sex, but that’s not conducive to my point). I’d be shocked if she didn’t develop some kind of complex about “proper behavior”. The Yukina we see in the show is polite and demure and easy to deal with – She’s even kind, forgiving, and unobtrusive about the fact that she was kidnapped and tortured ruthlessly for years. She’s helpful and sweet every single second that she’s on screen, because she feels like that’s the only way she can be accepted. She also has never been loved unconditionally. No living person has ever treated her with care or affection unless she buried her feelings deep down and behaved like an ice maiden should. And even then, the affection she received wasn’t really affection so much as her elders reluctantly acknowledging her self-control.

Then they meet and everything changes. Suddenly, Yukina’s “emotional outbursts” become something her brother loves about her. She gets angry, snapping as someone loudly and in public, but before that shame can even sink in, Hiei is laughing. If she can’t hold back her tears, Hiei nervously wraps his arms around her in the best approximation of a hug he can give. And Hiei’s “signs of weakness” become something he can connect to his sister with. He wakes from a nightmare, gasping in fear, and instead of being beaten for waking everyone up he receives a hug and reassurance. When he feels like a failure after losing a fight, his sister is there to comfort him.

 A Hiei with the love of his sister isn’t as volatile as the Hiei we see. When someone insults or threatens him, he’s not defensive. Because sure, maybe he’s never played rock-paper-scissors, but his sister loves him exactly the way he is so fuck you. A Yukina with the love of her brother is much more wild than the Yukina we see. She’s not afraid to react with fierceness or anger or tears, because she knows her brother will do anything he can to rectify the situation – and he would never judge her for her feelings.

They meet Team Urameshi because Yukina is curious about the human world and Hiei takes her there because he’s powerless in the face of his sister saying “Please”.

Listen, all I want is for Hiei to know he is safe and loved (which Yukina would constantly remind him of) and for Yukina to know that she’s so valid and unbelievably loved (which Hiei would never let her forget). Please.

[raayllum]

something about rayla willingly staying chained (or or least appearing to) for callum (let's be real she only felt shame over her arrest because it was callum)

and

callum giving everything to unchain himself for her.

Yeah, watching 5x01 for the first time the "Rayla in chains + Let her go" (and of course the ocean poem) all felt like set up for later in the season/show, but I didn't wanna get my hopes up, and then... 5x08 happened and delivered.

But I think it speaks to how much 5x01 and 5x08 are two episodes in fierce Conversation with each other. Which makes sense: in a lot of ways, they open and close Rayla and Callum's relationship arc this season, as while they have some sweet moments in 5x09 as well, their relationship isn't a focus.

5x01 deals with secret keeping, doing things you know your partner wouldn't exactly approve of, unconditional love, chains, freedom, etc. 5x08 then builds on all of these themes by flipping them on their head.

Where Callum had all the power in court (he's crown prince and the highest ranking member of the royal family in Ezran's absence), he's comparatively powerless on Finnegrin's ship. Where "Let her go" was an order to Opeli, it was a plea to the pirate. Rayla remains 'chained' and doesn't advocate for herself at all in 5x01 out of her own guilt over her wrongdoing; in 5x08 she actually has to free herself and does so to save her friends, yes, but also to keep Callum from sullying his hands.

(This is a nice parallel, I think in some ways, to how Rayla was going to tell Callum the truth at the end of 5x01 -- thus repeating their pattern of her opening up out of guilt in the face of his forgiveness/unconditional love -- only for him to tell her "don't do it - not again", allowing her to forge a new way forward in 5x04).

Which, of course, Callum gets his new way forward too - the Ocean arcanum - but that also causes its own inverse: dark magic, and now he's the one keeping secrets. But it keeps the literal through line of the poem, Rayla's consistency in his evolution as a mage, and reaffirms the unconditional aspect of their bond.

Paired together, S4 and S5 are very much Callum accepting that Rayla's behaviour & choices are just her being herself (however much it may wound him, and however much he may dislike it) and as of 4x09 with "I know," he's accepted that he fully loves her for her, regardless of if she'll ever change. (Still a little bit of protecting himself by not going after / with her, again, but y'know - growth and regression simultaneously is more than fine.) Which is why when she starts changing in 5x04, it feels like such a big deal, because it's on her and their own behalf. It's her choice stemming from want and trust, not guilt and shame, because he's given her that unconditional base; she may do things that will wound him emotionally, but Callum also knows that Rayla would never intentionally hurt him or Ezran, ever, and that opening up is also still Very hard for her.

But that doesn't change the fact her absence made opening up for him much harder, and that hasn't really changed in S5. He's so much more open and sweet and goofy and comfortable with her, and he opens up in a few places, but he's still not emotionally depending on her the way he was in arc 1, understandably.

Something something Rayla being as true as the tides to him and his love for her being as "the ocean is deep" and To love is to simply know this:

Which like, that kind of love is transformative and good and beautiful and devoted (the real kind of strength, the forgiveness, the trust, unlocking his wings, etc) but it can also be terrifying and destructive and devastating (when you feel helpless, the dark magic uses, a weakness). And I think unlocking Callum's own chains in order to also free her with sky magic is like, a perfect example of that duality? He takes off his own literal chains but takes on a new, somewhat-metaphorical, somewhat-literal kind (now that he knows about the possession) at the same time. He has to accept and fully sit in that dark part of himself and its negative potential even in order to increase in magical power with another primal source in a positive way. It's all double edged sword. Just like her, just like them.

And just like that goddamn cube.

[maxwell-mtv]

Into the Mines Part 1 [Morris x Farmer!G/N!Reader]

[Heyo, so I've had this idea rolling around in my head for a while now. It may not be the best, but I figured this could be my little late night writing project as work seems to take up more of my time recently. I hope you all enjoy, this is only part 1 of who knows how many more. Sorry it's not headcanons, I'll try and share those tomorrow instead.]

SPOILER WARNING: None yet...?

“(Y/N), just hear me out-” The man trailed closely behind you as you collected your supplies for the trip.

“No, Morris, for the millionth time I won’t let you go with me into the mines.” You call behind you, effectively cutting the man’s protests short. 

It was the first day since being married where Marlon had informed you of yet another infestation in the mines. At the crack of dawn, you got packing, blessed by Yoba to have an easy, hands-off day on the farm since you had no crops to harvest and no soil to water. Only issue was your husband who had never had the opportunity to truly see what all goes into preparing to go into the mines. 

The well suited man anxiously rests a hand on one of the dining set’s chairs. As he watches you load several snacks and meals into your bag, he feels his stomach churn. He’s never felt this nervous for someone other than himself before. It was, to him, like you were happily marching into the hands of death itself. 

He takes a shaky breath, looking at the floor as his mind races for more arguments. At the very least he hopes to slow you down so you lose more time. “Please, tell me why you have to go down there! It’s unregulated, you don’t know what mold may be down there, let alone the rumors of savage animals inhabiting the caverns!” 

As you zip up your bag, you turn to glare up at your husband, frustration getting the best of you. “Morris, you wouldn’t understand. Now if you would please stop fussing, I’m a grown adult and can handle myself, thank you very much!” 

Your words seem to shut the man down. Morris’s wide look of shock and shame quickly makes you reconsider your defensiveness. After all, he only wanted you safe. Setting your bag down, you go over to him.

As you reach for his hands, he pulls away and crosses his arms like a petulant child.

“Morris, I’m sorry… I know you care but it’s just…” you struggle to explain the real reason you so often are inclined to enter the mines. 

“No, no, you’re right. You’ve been going to those mines since before you and I even became friends so it’s understandable why you’re upset. If you really feel the need to do this, I don’t understand it but I’ll have to just accept it.” The Joja fat cat shakes his head, avoiding your eyes. You can’t tell if he’s trying to purposely guilt you, or legitimately act out his reluctance to let you do as you wish.

Sighing, you put your hand on his shoulder. “Morris, listen, you wouldn’t understand but… it’s just something I need to do…”

Morris stays silent for a moment, looking down before letting his arms down and turning his focus back onto you. “Why won’t I understand? What is so complicated about going deep into an ancient system of crumbling caves? What is down there that I cannot buy for you myself?”

His words rang true from his perspective. Although it wasn’t something you would ever consider foremost, you’d quickly grown to accept Morris’s way of thinking. Anything you may have desired, he would get you, no question as to why. New television? What size did you need? Ores for a project? How many did you want? It was never a question of how much it would cost for him, merely the specifics of what would be the best to get for you. 

You sigh heavily, your gaze trailing to the coat rack by the front door. A yellow hard hat seemed to catch your eye as you tried to think of a fair reasoning that would calm his nerves. “I-” You struggled to form a coherent thought. “I… I can’t… I…” You swallow, unable to say anything that would surely satisfy the man’s curiosity. 

With every moment you left your mouth agape, Morris’s brows raised in anticipation. “Anything?” He urges you in a soft tone.

Finally conceding, you hang your head. “No…”

Morris shifts his position as he grabs your chin, gently guiding your eyes up to his. “(Y/N), I know you’re trying to hide something from me. Just please, tell me the truth. Denying me that will only make me worry more.”

Sighing heavily in defeat, you nod. “I’ve been called by the Adventurer’s Guild to help defend the town once again.”

“What?!” You jump at Morris’s outburst. “You can’t be serious! Wait, what does that even mean?”

You take a brief moment to collect yourself from your husband’s exasperation. “The savage animals are technically real, it just isn't necessarily fair to categorize them as animals.”

A moment passes of you explaining the basics of monsters and evil creatures to Morris. He seems skeptical at first, but who can blame him? He’s never known such magical things to be real. As the clock strikes 7, you begin to wrap up your explanation. 

“So, yes, that’s what those markings actually were when I came home and told you that they were burns from helping Clint out at his shop.” You conclude.

“I don’t know what to say, (Y/N)...” Morris takes off his glasses, looking betrayed by the revelation. He wipes his free hand over his scowling face and moves to massage the bridge of his nose.

“I’m sorry I never told you sooner. I wasn’t sure if you’d even believe me.” You shrug, hoping for the best as you’re slowly losing precious time. “I need to go, though, Morris. If anything happens to this town when I’m on watch, I would never forgive myself.” 

Standing up, you strap your best sword around your hip, and swing your bag onto your shoulders. Once at the door, you look back at your husband before opening it to leave. “I love you.” You call out to him.

Nothing. 

You sigh, stepping out the door and closing it with care. Hopping off your porch and onto the dirt path, you begin making your way towards the bus stop. “I suppose I can make back some lost time with the mine carts…” You think out loud, shivering at the idea of using the old, shaky machinery.

The walk to the trail felt lonelier than normal. It was as though the grief of having betrayed your husband’s trust wore on your determination. 

You slouched over the mine cart, carefully loading everything and making sure you didn’t leave anything behind. 

“Wait!” A loud, commanding tone made you freeze in place. A wave of fear washed over you before you cared to look behind you to see where that voice came from. 

Turning around you watch as your husband, red faced and out of breath, comes trudging over to you. You can’t help but giggle at the funny sight. “Did you… run here? With all that on?”

“Yeah…” He responded, stopping before you, still catching his breath.

[Right, sorry for the cliff hanger, I do have to get some sleep though. I'd hate to magically pass out at 2 am like I always do lol... Anywho's, let me know if you catch any mistakes or just have any ideas. I am writing this at midnight so I'm bound to make some mistakes... With that being said, thank you all for reading and I hope your day/night is the best it can be!]

[ruminate88]

Forgiving someone who hurt you, especially if you loved them, that is not saying you don’t hurt or you won’t feel upset anymore. (I was ghosted)

It’s freeing yourself from this box you get put in. This prison you live in when you won’t forgive that person or you hold their sins over their heads. 😬😬😬

I KNOW when you are ghosted and brutally discarded by a ex partner, you go through a season of “being shocked” and “going numb”. You feel so worthless and stupid. (I felt like a zombie walking around for 3/4 months. NO FEELINGS OF BEING ALIVE) The way they throw you away like you’re not even a person.🥺😨😓 It’s a very selfish thing to do and yet, that person had their feelings and reasons for ghosting you. Not saying it doesn’t hurt you or that it’s a healthy or an ok way to push people away but I do realize sometimes that person is struggling with their own issues and that’s how they chose to handle you. 😕 sorry about it. It happens.

WITH THAT SAID, the impact from it is real. It’s traumatizing because you get no goodbye or closure. Plus once they’ve done it to you, it’s gotta be hard for them to face you and ask for forgiveness. It’s gotta be shameful feeling and the guilt alone is enough to keep them on the run. I also pushed a friend away when I was 23 but I did write her a letter cuz even though I felt like I couldn’t face her because she didn’t want to listen to me, I didn’t wanna leave her without answers. I did write her a 3 page letter explaining how I felt. Cody sent me NOTHING and yet, I chose to let him go and I did not try to contact him EVER again. I felt Cody wanted nothing to do with me 🙃 (his loss. I tried to be good to him even when he was breaking my heart, I tried to continue to care about him.)

Having to create your OWN apology and closure without the person, is ssoooo hard. Accepting he’s human annnnnndddd despite if he’s sorry or not, THAT is between him and God ❤️‍🩹 I am constantly torn between “I want to still love him” and “I should hate how he treated me.” But who am I??? I’m no better than Cody. Maybe I feel bad to hurt people, maybe he does too and can’t express it? OR he doesn’t feel bad at all… I will never know, only God knows Cody’s true feelings and maybe I don’t even want to know 😳 🙃❤️‍🩹

The healing, forgiveness and closure does not happen over night (not for me, anyway) I feel deep in my heart I physically set Cody free but mentally and emotionally, it’s been hard not to think about him and decide how I even feel about him. I’ve had many mixed emotions cuz I wanted to care about what he was going through but once he ghosted me, I lost all trust with him and yet, I eventually over time, felt sorry for him. I know that sounds twisted but it’s the person I am. I don’t just discard people. When I ended my friendship with Lori, that was after like 20 years of being together ❤️‍🩹 it’s not like I used her friendship and then abandoned her. Over the MANY years, I started to slowly feel trapped and suffocated by her… that was my reason. No clue what Cody felt when he chose to block me. 😕 I know it’s NOT my fault. I don’t hate Lori, Cody or anybody from my past. I feel bad for all of it but I can’t control it or change it 🙏🏻

[shiningstardan]

• N E J I x H I N A T A • R A T E D E • 1 0 K W •

S U M M A R Y:

'Talk to her!' Lee's words still rang in his mind, and he wondered if he actually should. Shame and guilt have the tendency to consume one's soul. How far can a gesture or a series of them compensate for the sins of the past? And will the sufferer be able to accept the atonement given or will they succumb to the guilt and heaviness of those emotions? Could Neji and Hinata relink a relationship that is plagued by the ghost of the past? Prompt 1: Dry Humping

✦ A O 3 - F F . N E T ✦

Peculiar Considerations For Atonement

Part 3: Moderato

Festival day! 8:45 pm

“I’m sorry. If I hadn’t slipped up” Neji apologized “Sorry”. She was standing exactly where she had for what felt like 5 minutes, finishing the drink he had brought her, trying to calm the thirst, the retching and the bile, now more present at the pit of her stomach.

She took a deep breath. It was better for them to sit down at that moment.

“I’m feeling dizzy, can we-” Neji extended his free hand, wanting to provide stability for her, but unsure on how to approach her. Her hand attached to his as if a magnet connected them; and he felt a jolt, making his heart pound harder. This wasn’t the moment to get distracted, though. He hadn’t noticed since the warm light of the lamps had really limited his vision, and the darkness made it even more difficult to see, but she had been getting paler and paler. Her cheeks were colorless, and her eyes had gotten more and more watery. She had not moved as he expected her to, she was paralyzed. 

The sake bottle he was holding with the other hand made the situation even more difficult to maneuver. Frustrated, he decided to just leave it on the floor. He first needed to make sure that Hinata would not collapse. With the bottle now out of the way, he closed the distance between them. With his left hand still holding hers, he positioned himself right beside her, his ribs tightly pressed against hers, using his right arm to hug her from the waist. Signaling her to support her weight against him, her head dropping slightly down, somewhat aware of the firmness of his chest against her shoulder.

“Thank you” was the only thing that she could mutter.

“Slowly, please. One step at a time” She could faintly hear him, feeling her body getting worse every second. Sai had called Neji her servant, no one had ever said or implied that Neji was her servant, ever. She could feel the heaving getting stronger and stronger. Her eyes were getting more and more watery by the minute. She felt as if she was going to vomit at any second.

‘she is your master and you are her ser- ’

Her knees finally weakened and her weight pulled Neji down with her, making them both kneel and fall on their hands. 

Neji could feel how she was crumbling down by the minute, the panic inside him made his blood course at a thousand miles per second, he had hoped that they would make it to the bench, so he could assist her. But, her heavings were getting stronger and stronger by the second.

“Neji” 

Heave.  

“you” 

Heave.

He could see her back rising up and down. Her breath was short and labored. He needed to act, and he needed to act now! She tried raising her head one more time, but she could feel how her elbows were losing strength as well, which made her head drop down immediately.

“Shhh, let me help you please”. His right arm went behind her back and across her chest, his palm firmly opened over her sternum. “Hinata, please recline against me”. He strongly pushed her back, setting her against his chest.

“You aren’t”, she continued heaving. Her head slowly went from right to left, trying to deny the affirmation that repeated in her head over and over again. Her breath quickly going in and out. He wasn’t. Pant. He wasn’t . Pant. Tears streamed down her cheeks. She needed air, but her throat was closed. The heaves burned her throat and the oxygen was not filling her lungs.

Byakugan . Neji activated the family blood limit, quickly checking her chakra flow and trying to assess how to handle its turbulence; her system was going into overdrive. He would have to try to do something he never had, he needed to slow them down, not close them, but slow them. He breathed deeply trying to fluctuate the chakra emanating from his digits at a steady pace and precision. He would need a fraction of it of the usual flow he used, that was the tricky part, he had never tried something like this before. He could do more harm than good if he miscalculated.

Heave.

He only had a couple of seconds, without delay he pushed his left fingers against her abdomen. Praying that the improvised idea would actually help her. “Please breathe Hinata. Please.” Her breathing was still labored but his Byakugan allowed him to see that the speed of her chakra flow had slowed. He needed to sit her on the bench. He knew getting up would be difficult, her weight threw his center of gravity off, and the last thing he needed was to fall down against the grass. 

His legs screamed while pushing his ankles to the limit, but the adrenaline allowed him to push upwards. He didn’t want to shuffle her too much by making unnecessary movements, so he tried to keep it to a minimum by holding her as tightly as he could against him, her breathing was still resounding in his ears. The movement allowed him to push one of his legs forward, planting a foot squarely against the ground.

“I’ll push us up” the handbag    felt heavy on her hand, but she had used her last remnants of energy to clutch her fingers around the handle. Her tears had dried, she had promised herself that today was a special day, that she would enjoy it. She could feel her head resting on Neji’s shoulder but her consciousness was but a sliver. Her mind vanished for a moment.

‘she is your master and you are her ser- ’

Gasp .

The oxygen was finally filling her lungs, waking up her muscles and clearing her mind for a second. A spike of adrenaline activated from within, allowing her to walk the remaining distance.

“Slowly Hinata. You need to rest, so let’s try to make it to the bench” She nodded, her knees were regaining their strength, now that she could breathe better. His arm went from her shoulder to the center of her abdomen, balancing her core, softly providing the pressure needed for her to be pushed against him, countering their weight. “Ok, please turn around and we will sit”. She followed her instructions, her breathing had started to regulate.

“Wa - ter - ple -”

“Right away”  He picked up the sake bottle and laid it next to her on the bench. He signed the appropriate gestures and created a shadow clone that could go for the drink she desperately needed.

“How are you feeling? I’m not sure of what I did, so we may need a medic” He could see the paths her tears had left on its way down. He extended his hands and tenderly wiped them. His thumbs tenderly went over her cheeks and then he held her face tenderly. Her eyes were halfway opened trying to focus on him. Her face fell slightly sideways, trying to feel the warmth from his fingers, cradling her.

𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ 𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ 𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ

“Do you think they will be alright?” Asked Tenten, worried about how agitated Hinata had looked, she saw how uncomfortable Neji had looked while hearing Sai’s statement.

“I hope so,” she sighed. “Sai! How could you say that?”

“I was just stating the obvious” He shrugged “He, as far as I know, should not be allowed to address her in such a casual manner, is unbecoming of his position”

“I swear I’m gonna kill you” Tenten was furious, she still felt wary about the ex-root ninja. 

“That would be a very difficult task to accomplish” he answered in a monotone. “In the root, he would have had his tongue cut if he had addressed a superior in an unbecoming manner”

“Sai, you have to understand that as Hinata said, she is not her superior” Sakura pinched the bridge of her nose. 

“But isn’t she from the main family?” 

“Sai, you are not listening to me,” Sakura said exasperated, massaging her temples. “She is clan head. She is the person who now decides what is correct and what is not.” She was feeling exhausted from the conversation. “Yes, Hyuga history may be tangled in a complicated way, and maybe none of us can fully understand how they deal with things internally, but if she says that the divisions are not important, that is the new protocol. He doesn’t need to address her as a superior, and that is the only thing that matters.”

“I still don’t understand why you all got so flustered about what I said. He doesn’t even show his forehead since he is branded” Sai still didn’t get what they were all so worked up about.

Naruto could only see how they all talked about the situation, not knowing what to say.

“Ok, ok. How would you feel if I told you that you are a servant” She tried to pull the empathic side he had been working on, in vain.

“I’ve always been a at the service of the village, in some way, I think I could be considered a servant”

“Argh! I can hear more of this anymore I need to get out of here” Tenten needed a bit of fresh air before letting her murderous instinct take over her. “I’ll try to clear my head, Lee?”

“I’ll go with you Ten” He knew she would get fired up quickly if she didn’t walk away, and for everyone's well being, it was better to avoid that. 

“Ok. What if I told you your art is ugly” Sakura tried to reason with him one last time.

“Art is subjective, so it would be valid for you to think that” She saw the change in his demeanor, despite his monotonous voice, a part of him seemed to have finally gotten the message. 

“I know you are trying to understand how to deal with emotions again. But you can’t just call a person a servant… It feels degrading. And, for the Hyugas, that word carries a heavy weight. Please don’t use those words with them again. If you don’t know who they are and their history, just limit yourself to being polite.” Sakura exhaled. “Naruto, why don’t you take Sai and show him around? Maybe you guys can join Ino and the others”  

𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ 𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ 𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ

“Why can’t we have a normal evening just for once?” Ino complained.

“Tell me about that! I’m still trying to process the fact that Hinata actually asked Naruto out” Kiba complained. 

“I never imagined she would actually dare. I don’t remember you saying anything about it” Shikamaru interjected. Ino wasn’t the kind of person to be spilling secrets from others, but somehow he always ended up knowing about other’s businesses since she always said things around him.

“Actually no” her eyes opened wide, realizing that Hinata had never mentioned anything about going out with Naruto. “She never mentioned anything to us about that date”

“Oh god. He’s so screwed,” Shikamaru concluded.

“Do you think he might want to invite her out?” Asked Shino, catching everyone’s attention.

“Knowing how he is… He certainly will” Finished Kiba.

𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ 𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ 𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ

“I swear I could kill him, you know?” Tenten was furious, she couldn’t believe that on her first outing with the guys in months everything had gotten to this point. They were supposed to enjoy their day. “This is so messed up. Do you think Neji will be able to handle it?”

“You know he is strong. He will. Hinata-chan, on the other hand, didn't look well” Tenten observed him carefully, her eyes piercing him. She wanted to ask about the gifts but knew that she couldn’t say anything before her friends did, despite her curiosity.

“All this commotion has left me feeling weird. Can we go for drinks or something?”

“Yes, let’s go. The food stands are this way. They have some chicken bites that you may like, and sweet tea.”

“Guys? Can I join you?” Sakura appeared just behind them, looking ten times more drained compared to when they had seen her last, just some minutes ago. Being the emotional backbone of team 7 was not an easy task. Sakura sometimes was too empathic and that had always been core to her relationships. Ino and Tenten had always been there to support her when the whole debacle with Sasuke had happened. So she had gotten sadly familiar with the tiredness her eyes were reflecting.

“Of course Sakura-san! Ten and I were planning on getting some food. Is there anything you want?” 

“I know just what you need now. Let’s get you some taiyakis!” Tenten pulled her closer, tangling their arms together. Trying to make her feel a little better. “And, in the meantime, I’ll tell you about this spa I visited with Temari”

𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ 𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ 𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ

“Don’t think too hard man. They may look like pretty serious people but Neji and Hinata are actually cool” Naruto tried to compensate.

“Mmm. This is so complicated for me” Sai lamented.

“Why don’t you tell me more about that article in the ‘Kunoichi’ magazine?”

“Well…it mentioned that girls some time like to be difficult and that you have to be insistent in your approach, that way they see your interest and can elevate your chances of going out with her”

“Hinata is pretty amazing. I remembered we went to Ichiraku and heard all the stories I had about the missions I had been going to. I was telling her about that time we tried to seal the three tail beast and had backup from the anbu” Sai was still thinking about the interactions, trying to understand the different dynamics.

“Did she tell you about her missions?” He asked thoughtfully.

“I don’t remember her saying that much… I just remember that she asked my opinion about the clan”

“Do you consider her to be an attentive kind of person?”

“I guess” he shrugged, “she once offered me a salve during the chunin exams, but I don’t remember what I did with it to be honest”.

𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ 𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ 𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ

“This is so delicious. Thanks Tenten, I really needed this” Sakura eagerly bit her fish shaped waffle snack.

“Ladies” Lee’s singing voice made them both turn around. “One for you, and one for you” he extended sweet tea drinks to them both. “I hope you like the tapioca” 

“Thanks Lee” said Tenten.

“Thank you” Sakura said a little more shyly.

“Neji?” Lee asked out loud “I think he is coming this way” Both Sakura and Tenten turned quickly in his direction. 

He didn’t seem to have noticed where they were. His eyes were unfocused but somehow he walked straight into the food court. 

“NEJI!” Tenten tried to catch his attention “He doesn’t look okay” They all stood up with the intention of checking up on him. But he had gotten in and out in a heartbeat.

“Should we check on them?” Sakura asked worriedly.

“I think we should give them some privacy, Sakura-san, our presence would just make things worse” Her medical instincts were telling her to not listen to Lee and to run behind him. She must have looked as if she were going to do that because Tenten was firmly holding her by the elbow.

“Lee is right, Sakura. Trust us, we would be more of a nuisance in this moment. If they needed us, really needed us, Neji will let us know. But, when it comes to clan matters, giving them space it's the best we can do for them”

𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ 𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ 𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ

“Why would you want to go out with her again?” Sai asked genuinely curious, as Naruto had never been invested in another person with this much insistence since Sasuke.

“Well, she is the only girl I have seen who can eat a whole bowl of ramen. Sakura only goes with me after missions and only eats half of it. Where’s the fun in that?”

“So, you want someone to eat ramen with?”

“Maaan, ramen is so good! You should try today’s special recipe”

𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ 𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ 𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ

His clone had come back with sweet tea, water and some food.

Neji broke their contact for a second. He took the bottle of water, unscrewing the cap.

“Please open your mouth” Her lips went slightly ajar, and he helped her by pouring the refreshing liquid in small portions. “Drink”. She followed his instructions the best way possible.

“Thanks” she said after drinking some water. He took in how she was reacting.

She looked at him, promising herself that she wouldn’t cry.

“You are not my servant” she whispered hoarsely.

“Shhh. It’s ok Hinata, don’t pay attention to what he said. He doesn’t know us” She lowered her eyes for a moment, knowing it was not true. Sai was strange, and she hadn’t really interacted with him that much, so there was no real way for her to judge him. But Sai was not a liar, and his comments most of the time were a reflection of what people thought. Something in him allowed him to always capture the zeitgeist.

“You are not my servant,” she repeated, looking straight into his eyes. He assessed the weight behind her words, trying to understand what she needed at that moment.

“I am not.” He didn’t dare to break eye contact. “I am not your servant.”

This seemed to finally relieve the tension she had been feeling, her shoulders slowly dropped down, allowing herself to finally recline against the bench. She was exhausted. 

She felt him sitting next to him, the faint smell of wood filling her nose. A smell that was distinctly his. She found it very comforting, with every deep breath she took, she inhaled it more.  Still trying to regain her strength.

“Neji” she called him. “Thank you” she opened her eyes slightly, still reclined on the bench. He was sitting upright, his back straight, always maintaining his composure and elegance. “I’m feeling better”

“Do you want anything? I have some Kaarage and ice tea”

“I just need some minutes, can you pass me the water again?” He unscrew the bottle one more time and extended it to her.

“Thanks” she gulped down some more. Her stomach felt calmer now, and the dizziness seemed to have finally receded. She opened her eyes again, and saw him looking intendedly towards her. She had not expected to see him like that, so entranced, so transfixed, so focused. Something within her buzzed. His hair was down, handsomely framing his face. Her eyes traveled upwards, looking for his mark, covered behind a black headband, feeling the urge to pull it off, hoping to see his skin unbranded. Neji never showed his forehead. 

He was not her servant, but that didn’t erase the fact of what the real function of the mark was.

She didn’t know how he would react if she dared pulling the band off. Really badly, was the most probable answer.

Then, her eyes traveled down to his lips. Something instinctual ringing in her head, making her diverted her eyes quickly. That was the second time she had needed to break eye contact with him that day. Her heart was beating hard, but unlike her conversation with Naruto, it made her feel calm. There was a soft buzzing that purred on the inside, calming her; and not an estrenos thunder that erupted the level of destruction she had felt before.

He pressed the back of his hand against her forehead, checking if she had any fever, he also grazed her cheek and the side of her neck.

“Your pulse seems a little high but, other than that you are looking better” 

He sighed.

She moved forward, her arms wrapping around his shoulders, hugging him tightly. Her face nestled next to him. He hadn’t expected her to react like that.

“Thank you for always being there for me Neji” He felt her arms wrapping more tightly around him, and then she kissed his cheek.

He opened his eyes wide.

She gradually pulled back from the embrace. He had never had her this close, and he wanted the embrace to last longer, to bask in her warmth and gentleness.

“I think I am ready for some food” Her comments woke him up from the stupor. “Do you mind if we eat?”

“Am, yeah - of course - I brought this” He said, extending the fried chicken pieces. “But, if you want. I can go and get you something different”

“No, it’s ok. This is delicious. Can I have some tea? I think I need something sweet now. ’m tired of just drinking water”

“Sure”

“What happened? Was it something you ate when you went with the girls? You looked ok when I left with Lee” She dropped her head lightly, not wanting to address the situation. “Your chakra system was going crazy. I think that we should get Sakura to check you up”

“Mmm, no, no, no, please. I didn’t eat anything out of the ordinary. And, I think I’m ok now, I don’t want to inconvenience Sakura, she deserves to enjoy the festival.”

“So do you” his brows furrowed. She took a moment before continuing.

“Sorry Neji” her eyes dropped down “I am keeping you here, when you should be with your team, you three haven't been able to spend time together.. You deserve to enjoy the festival as well”

“Don’t do that” He said more sternly “Don’t apologize” if she wanted them to be friends he would not allow her to apologize for things that she couldn’t control. “Besides, I prefer to enjoy the Karaage in good company” He said trying to lighten the mood. Offering her a piece of chicken. She smiled, grabbing one with the toothpick, biting it, feeling how the juices of the chicken bites went over her taste buds. Soy and sake flavors, combined in synchrony; it even had a spike and a salty edge that she found delicious.

“Hmmm” she moaned and Neji felt an electric jolt going down his legs. “This is so delicious. I should do them at some point”

“Maybe we could have them with the sake Akimichi-sama gave us”

“That would be nice”

Food and water had done their wonders, and she looked so much better now, even her demeanor was more animated.

“Alright, would you like to go around and check some stands?” Neji asked.

“Could we check the shooting game again?”

“Of course” He stood up first and extended his hand. He was always so attentive. He always had her in awe. She took his hand and it was warm, she hadn’t noticed how cold her own had gotten in comparison. She hadn’t noticed that the air had been dropping the later it got. A part of her didn’t want to let go.

“Ready” she said, making her hands linger a second longer before he pulled back his.

“Not so fast, can you hold the bottle for a moment?” She cradled it in her arms, afraid of breaking such an expensive gift by accident.

He stood in front of her, swiftly taking off her kanzashi and the headband, holding the accessories with one hand. Her arms held the bottle pulling it closer to her body, anxiously following every one of his movements. His free fingers slithered through her hair, straightening the strands that had gotten out of place amidst her episode. She could feel them, soft as butter, going in and out, brushing her scalp.

“Now you are back to perfection” He set her headband back in place and clipped the flower accessory over her ear. “You really do look beautiful tonight” She raised her head, her eyes glazing bright. “Let’s go, we have some shooting to do” He concluded, taking the bottle from her. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pushing her forward.

By god, how hadn’t she noticed? There was no more denying it, not to herself. She had to accept it. She liked Neji. She really, really liked him.

･˳ . ⋆   .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆   .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆   .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆   .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆   .˳⁺⁎˚

Festival day! - 9:05 pm

“Guys! Ready for round 2?” Asked a man, looking in their direction.

“We are, can you please give us 2?” replied Neji.

“2?” I thought you would win something for the lady”

“I don’t think the lady would need me in order to win something, Mr Okada” He cheekily replied, leaving the required money for the game on the counter. He gave her the rifle. “Ready?” She nodded “If you win, I pay for the next game. If you win, you pay. Deal?” She smiled shyly.

“Ready?” signaled Mr Okada. “So, you have to pull the lever, insert the cork, push it hard and you get whatever prize you shoot down”

“Thank you Okada-san” Hinata took it with both hands and tried aligning her eyesight to the barrel. She breathed deeply, and then pushed the trigger back.

Clink

She lowered the rifle trying to see if she had taken something down. But it had been Neji’s cork which had taken down a keychain.

“Better luck next time Hinata. Here, we have 3 shots each” He said passing her the next cork.

She breathed deeply once again, trying to relax her muscles. She really wanted to take something down. Her competitive side was eager to show Neji that yes, she could have the prize she wanted if she put her mind to it. She pushed the lever down and pushed the cork into the barrel. Her eyes fixed on the target. She aimed for a pocky box that she could easily buy, but where was the fun in that? The box was on the top shelf, making it difficult to reach, especially since it was behind another prize.

She pushed the trigger.

Thump

Mr Okada bent his back, reaching for the candy box she had taken down.

“Yes!” she did a mini jump, out of excitement.

“Good Job Hyuga-Sama, here is your prize” she could feel her heart pounding. And smiled towards Neji, holding the box in her hand.

“Congratulations, Hinata. I seemed to have failed my shot” He sounded quite apologetic.

“Last shot” She said when he passed her the new cork. “Double or nothing” she dared him. He smirked.

“Deal!”

They both were highly focused on hitting their new targets, making 2 children toys fall down.

“Ah, really nice!” Said Mr Okada excitedly. “Children love these ones so much, I hope yours enjoy them” both blushed furiously at the man’s comment. Neji tried to keep a straight face when collecting all the things they had inadvertently accumulated. Walking away towards the next stand.

𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ 𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ 𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ

“I’ll be right back guys, I have to wash my hands” Tenten stated, walking away from the table where they had been sitting

“Do you need us to walk you?” Lee asked attentively. 

“No, no. It’s ok.” She said tapping Lee twice over the shoulder.

Sakura saw her friend walking away. They were finishing the snacks that they had bought. She hadn’t really paid attention to Lee’s attire closely. His beautifully embroidered haori in black and white combined really nicely with olive green kimono and forest green hakama pants. It was not a combination that she had seen before. But it was surprisingly muted compared to his usual, more eccentric clothing. Thankfully he had been distracted, not noticing how Sakura had been going over his outfit. They continued eating, noticing by the time that they had ended that Tenten had not come back

“Sakura-chan” she flinched, being caught off guard. “Allow me please” He said, picking up the napkins and the glasses. While Lee threw the things in the trash, she noticed that there was a small piece of paper folded.

If you really want to open your mind to the opportunity, this is your call.

Seize it.

Tn

Oh my god Tenten! You set us up! The realization dawned like thunder. She was not planning on coming back. What was she supposed to do now? Yes, she had been interacting with Tenten, Neji and Lee earlier in the evening but it was different. Don’t panic Sakura, she told herself.  This is not the moment!

“Done! Tenten hasn’t come back, though. Should we check on her?”

“Mmm, maybe she got distracted in one of the stands. We could walk around and check if we see her” She didn’t want Lee to get suspicious, but maybe she could use her absence as an excuse to check the remaining stands and spend some time with him.

“She walked this way, we can check this area, and she can see us when she comes back”  Lee reflected, the game stands started appearing. 

“Did we do the Daruma Otoshi before?”

“No, we didn’t. Would you like to test your youthfulness there?”  

“Absolutely!” She said enthusiastically. Forgetting how nervous she had been feeling just a moment ago.

“Very well!” They walked straight into the vendor. “Hi! May we have one?”

“You guys are full of energy tonight. Here you go!” Lee paid so, both of them could start playing. “You know the drill” the vendor continued while organizing the colorful pieces in a vertical position “The first one to knock them down, looses”

Sakura took the hammer and  hit one of the pieces towards Lee, pushing the piece out but managing not to tumble the other ones.

“Your turn!” there was a sense of smugness and satisfaction within her and Lee could see it as she passed the hammer to him. Igniting his sense of competitiveness, smirking while taking the hammer.

“ M y turn” the pieces had moved slightly to the right, it would be a difficult shot to not make them fall down. He aligned the tool against the pieces and then hit them. 

Clank, clank, clank.

“Oops, bad luck Lee. I won”

“Not so fast. Another set please” Lee told the vendor

𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ 𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ 𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ

“I told you” 

“I didn’t think she would dare,” Tenten confessed.

“Of course she would, Haruno might be scared but she isn’t a quitter. I think she is in denial about the possibilities.”

“What makes you say so?”

“Well, she has been following Lee’s every move. She hasn’t been able to take her eyes off him” 

“Wanna bet?”

“What do you propose?” Ino took a step closer, curious about what her friend was going to say.

“If she kisses him, you pay for the drinks”

“That’s not fair!! I was going to bet on them kissing!” 

“You snooze, you lose Ino” 

𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ 𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ 𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ

“I think a bag might be necessary,” she said, seeing how Neji was holding everything in his hands.

“Maybe Akimichi-sama can give us one”

“Maybe, or maybe we can buy a bag in another stand”

They started walking towards the other stands, looking for a vendor savvy enough to foresee that many would need bags for the festival.

“Neji, my Boy” The clear voice of Mr. Miyazaki got to both of them, catching their attention. “It’s so good to see you both”

“Mr. Miyazaki, how are you doing?” Neji felt the panic rising on his throat when Hinata animatedly walked towards him. And he vehemently shook his head from side to side, hoping the old man would understand not to mention anything about the bag he had bought just some days ago. The shaking movement appeared to have been clear enough for the man since he immediately talked to Hinata about her kimono.

“Hinata-sama, how wonderful to see you tonight. You look utterly radiant.”

“Thank you sir. I knew having your family in charge of my Kimono for tonight had been the best election”

“My pleasure as usual, The Miyazaki family will always be at your service, for every needed occasion” She smiled warmly, the man and his family had dressed Hyuga heads and the main family for generations. The silk embroidery they did and their brocades had a distinct quality, making their garments distinctly recognizable.

“My boy, look at you, carrying all those things, allow me please” He passed Hinata a beautiful tote bag. The bag had been designed as an affordable option that they provided on occasions such as this one. “This one is on me”

“But-” Hinata complained, not wanting to make people feel as if they owed her things because of her new position.

“No but my lady. The Hyugas and the Miyazakis have always been in a good relationship, just take this as a token of a long-lasting business partnership”

“Thank you Mr. Miyazaki,” she bowed as a sign of respect. “Please hold on a second Neji, I will help you bag the things” She opened the bag, taking the bottle first, which was the heaviest. Then the toys, the pocky she had won and lastly, his keychain.

“May I?” She asked, feeling curious about it.

“Yes” Neji extended his hand and she saw that the keychain was a Daruma Doll “If you want it, you can have it” It was nothing, she knew it was nothing, but such a simple thing made her insides quiver. He had been so attentive all day and now that she knew about the presents, she couldn’t feel that maybe it could mean something.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, it’s ok. You can have it” She didn’t need to ask a second time, she took it, opening the clasp and lacing it through the strap of her burgundy bag.

“Thank you”

Mr Miyazaki could only see how entranced each other they looked for a second.

“Perfect, now you can continue enjoying the festival”

“Thank you for the bag Mr Miyazaki” Neji also bowed towards the man.

“Always a pleasure my boy” he winked at him.

That had been close, thankfully Mr. Miyazaki was always very perceptive.

“So…” 

“So?” Hinata asked

“we haven’t discussed our double or nothing”

“Oh, right!” she had totally forgotten about it for a second

“What do you want to do now?”

“Hmmmm, well, I proposed going to the shooting gallery. But you haven’t chosen. So, it’s your turn to decide. What do you want to do?”

“Umm… I hadn’t really thought about it. What if we checked the goldfish? I remember seeing them around this area” He knew that would excite her.

“Yes! But each will only have 30 seconds to get theirs” He laughed. She hadn’t heard him laugh in a long time, and she laughed with him.

“Two please” Hinata told the vendor receiving the flat paddles. “Yours”

“Thanks Hinata. You go first.”

“Oh no, you go first!” Her voice sounded daring, not backing down from the challenge. He could not back down now. He squatted, looking for the optimal position that would allow him to catch the fish when-

“Neji” her voice called him, sounding weary. She looked worried.

“What is it?” He was worried.

“Your hakama… it got dirty. I hadn’t noticed”

“That’s not important, I can get it cleaned” He looked up, smiling, reassuring her that it was not a big deal.

“I’m sorry” He stood up again, not wanting to break eye contact, but she evaded him. 

“Hinata, look at me” He lifted her face up, holding her chin. “Don’t worry about that. The important thing is to enjoy the festival. Remember what you told me on our way here” So she closed her eyes for a second. He was right. She needed to focus on the important matters. She had decided that today she was going to be happy, it was the fireworks festival afterall. And, she also had an important conversation pending.

She opened her eyes, his face was so close to hers, and he was still holding her from her chin. Her heart was pumping fast. He was so close, she hadn’t really expected to see his face this close. 

When she opened her eyes, he saw them going from normal to glossy as fast as a heartbeat. If he just bent down he could just capture her lips. Tentation so big he dropped his hand in an instant, letting go of her face. 

“You are right, sorry” She felt as if she had been abruptly awakened. “It’s just that, this day was supposed to be a special one and I fear I have ruined it”

”I don’t think you have ruined it. If anything, I would blame other people for making you have a hard time” 

“I’ll pay for the cleaning”

“Please, Hinata, that’s not necessary. Let’s just get our goldfish, ok?” He used his arm to push her towards the small pool. “Why don’t you start?” He proposed.

“No, no. It’s ok. I want you to try first”

“Ok, I’ll go first” Neji squated once again and for thirty seconds tried in vain to get the goldfish he had been eagerly chasing. “Not my brightest hour, I must admit. I guess it’s your turn now” 

When she squatted, she noticed that her Kimono had gotten dirty as well. She tried pushing the events of the evening to the back of her mind. She pulled her sleeve backwards, not wanting to get her kimono wet. Paddle ready in hand, wanting to catch at least one of the fish before the timer had gone back to zero. Sadly, neither of them was able to finish the task that they had set their minds to. 

“Looks like I didn’t have any luck either” she said with a smile, enjoying the time they were spending together.

“Would you guys like to have your fish?” The vendor asked them. “I can put them in bags for you”

“Thank you” replied Hinata “But, I think it’s best to leave the fish for the children. 

“Are you sure my lady?” 

“Umm, yes. Just give double to the next children who come”

“That’s very thoughtful of you. Thank you for playing", the vendor said, bidding them goodbye. 

“So, where do you wanna-”

“Neji! Hinata!” Naruto called them cheerfully, approaching them. Neji inhaled seeing that Sai was a meter behind the blond, maintaining his distance.

“Naruto,” he interjected, not trusting the social skill of either of them. “I think you’ll have to excuse us, Hinata and I are busy right now; so, this is not the best the moment”

“Wait, wait!” He tried to stall them for a second “I want to ask her something” he tensed, a part of him was insecure and fearful about the possibility of her accepting another date with him, despite how terrible the last one had been.

“What can I do for you, Naruto-kun?

“Have you thought about it,  Hina?” Hina? He could feel the back of his head, pounding. He didn’t like the familiarity he was addressing her with.

His arm had moved from surrounding her shoulder to between her shoulder blades, not daring to let go, but not wanting to appear obvious. His instinct screamed to not let her go, while another part of him told himself that he needed to get his emotions under control. No matter how he addressed her she was still the clan head, and he wasn’t supposed to act so familiar around her. Taking another breath before slowly pulling his hand away.

But, he felt it, he felt the way she had tensed when Naruto had called her Hina. She had not liked it, not one bit.

She looked confused, not understanding what she was supposed to think about.

“Naruto-kun?”

“Hina, will you go with me to Ichiraku tomorrow?”

“Oh, well… I told you Naruto, I - I need to take care of my clan. I need to give them my attention”

“Just two hours, I promise it’ll be quick”

“Naruto” Neji wanted to say something but got quiet when she turned around to look at him, silencing him with her eyes. As much as she appreciated his intervention, this was something she had to deal with. So, she smiled in a manner that reassured him and commanded him, at the same time. She took a step backwards, closing the gap that he himself had widened, looking for his warmth once again. 

“As I said Naruto. My priority right now is my family. We might be able to eat at Ichiraku at some point later. Now, if you’ll excuse us, I have not  been feeling well” She laced her hand around Neji’s waist. “Please, excuse us” Neji’s hand also went around her waist, hugging her tightly against him.

Sai had kept one step back behind Naruto during the whole interaction. Even if it was a little he had started to understand that his words had hurted the Hyuga clan head, when both Hyugas walked next to him. He could see that she had visibly winced, avoiding all eye contact.

𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ 𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ 𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ

“I don’t understand it! She keeps telling me later, but she doesn’t tell me when exactly.

“I think I read that in ‘kunoichi’ magazine as well…”

“Yeah? And what did it say?”

“Well… it said that later, is a polite way to say no”

“No? But she asked me to go out with her first… I thought she might still want to” 

Sai didn’t know what else to say, emotions were just too complicated.

𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ 𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ 𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ

“Are you ok?”

“I will be” her voice sounded dejected, but it didn’t waver. “Neji '' she whispered more assuredly now “look… It’s the shrine. Do you mind if-”

“You don’t have to ask me. I’ll go behind you” He knew she needed this, as much as he needed it as well. She stood still for a second, frozen in place.

“What is it?”

“Do you think we can enter like this?” He sighed, not sure what to say. Checking her from head to toe. “I really want to pray for Hanabi”

“Let me check you once again” The orange light surrounding the shrine was a little dull, hiding the fact that their hakamas were a little dirty, thankfully their tabi socks had not absorbed anything, it was mainly the grass stains on his pants and her skirt. “I think the gods will be ok with us”

They bowed before setting foot into the shrine, making their way towards the water pavilion, each taking a ladle with their right hand, cleaning first the left one, washing according to the protocol. The movements were done in synchrony, before walking towards the main shrine.

“Here” she passed him a 5 yen coin.

“Thank you” After shaking the bell, bowing and clapping twice they were both praying, thanking the gods. Hinata thanked the gods for the last three months, thanking the gods for her friends, for Sakura, Ino and Tenten. She was also thankful for Neji, and all the happiness he had been providing her whether it was directly or indirectly, and thankful as well for his ingenuity, since he had just saved her from spilling her guts out in her first appearance at a public event since becoming Head. Finally, she thanked the gods for taking care of Hanabi and guiding her soul. 

Neji, on the other hand, thanked the gods for Lee, since he had been the one who encouraged him to be brave, for his sensei, who always took care of them and Tenten, she was like their little sister and he was happy that she had been able to use her knowledge, gaining the recognition she deserved. He thanked the gods for Hinata’s slow but steady recovery since she had been in a really bad mental space since her sister’s death; finally, he also thanked for his father’s wisdom who continued to guide him through the years.

They finished their prayer with one final bow.

An ease washed over her after the praying had finished, knowing that she had lifted the weight she had been feeling from earlier.

“Thank you Hanabi-chan” she whispered to herself.

･˳ . ⋆   .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆   .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆   .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆   .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆   .˳⁺⁎˚

Festival day! - 9:30 pm

“I think I'm hungry,” Neji told her, after going back to the festival street.

“I think I’m hungry too” Hinata confessed

“Maybe the others are in the food court”

“I hope that if we meet Naruto, he doesn’t ask me to go to Ichiraku with him. Two invitations are more than enough for one day”

“Wait… two?”

“Yes… He asked me out while you and Lee got us some water” 

“I - I thought you liked him”

She sighed.

“I did... But, even now I find it difficult to believe. My younger self would have probably fainted out of excitement. But I can’t do that now. I have abandoned the clan for almost two years. You guys let me mourn for as long as I needed, and I ended up letting go of my responsibilities. Asking Naruto out and trying to drink myself to oblivion that same night was probably the most reckless thing I have done since Hanabi’s death. I was not in the right frame of mind. Plus, it greatly breaks my heart how people misunderstand and think of us. If I am to go out with someone, that person would need to understand who we are as a clan and our history. A person who really can understand how we could change and improve. And he will never understand us. I think he is too naive and optimistic, he has made that perfectly clear”

“You will not be going out with Naruto then?”

“No” she said dejectedly, trying to process the hopelessness of the situation and allowing herself to let go of the desires her past self had. 

“What if another person asks you out?” She tried understanding the underlying tones in his voice, but he had even it, concealing any readable emotion. 

“I guess it would depend on who asks me out” She made sure to look him directly in the eye before daring herself to command the conversation. “What about you?”

“Me?”

“Well… You’ve been traveling quite a lot lately. I imagine that you come in contact with many people and you talk to them. Should I get ready to establish diplomatic relationships with another clan or country? I would like to get ready in case you want to ask for anyone’s hand” He hadn’t thought about that, she was now in charge of the clan, she was in charge of their future marriages.

“Not yet Hinata-sa- Hinata, sorry” he was getting flustered. “Mayne Tokuma will be asking for your blessing soon, though,” he reflected. “It seems that his relationship with Natsu is going quite strong and steady.”

“Oh, I’ll… I’ll keep that in mind then. So, you are not planning on asking anyone’s hand in this moment”

“No, you don’t have to worry about that yet”

 

･˳ . ⋆   .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆   .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆   .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆   .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆   .˳⁺⁎˚

Festival day! - 10:00 pm

The warm orange light of the lamps gave an intimate environment in some areas, contrasting with the liveliness of the attendants and children that were running around going from one stand to another, engaging with the games, eager to see who could win the biggest prize or the most outstanding one.

Hinata was walking next to him, she looked happy. Some of her hair danced slowly to the cold night breeze. Winter could be felt around the corner. Tenten was walking between her and Neji, and both looked deep in conversation. She knew how much Tenten missed her team when she was sent on those long missions. Being away from home was something difficult for someone as homey as her, and Hinata certainly understood the feeling. Unlike Ino who was usually more outgoing and Sakura, who was somewhere in-between them.

Lee was walking next to Neji and to his left was Sakura, who looked amazing wearing the peony headdress Lee had bought her. For the first time in months, their generation was together. She had glimpsed Naruto around one of the stands with Shikamaru, who had dared him to solve a puzzle and he had chuckled seeing how poor Naruto struggled, knowing the pleasure it must have brought their strategic friend.

“There’s Ino,” she heard Tenten say.

“Guys! Chouji and I brought some Takoyakis! Just one each” She warned the group, and they wouldn’t dare mess up with her.

“They are very crunchy Tenten, I know how much you like Mrs. Unohana's cooking. So I bought an extra dish, just for you!” Chouji offered her the octopus snack.

The noise of the streets concealed the rumbling of the girl's stomach but Hinata was able to hear the girl’s stomach rumbling, making her laugh, covering her face with the back of her hand. It hadn't been her intention to react so visibly, yet it had been impossible to dissimulate. One second later she heard the munching and the nasal hums coming out of her starving friend.

“Hmph! You are a god-sent!” Tenten was practically vibrating with joy, satisfaction painted on her face even as her eyes were closed. It was funny to see how much she enjoyed her food.

“What time is it?” asked Sakura “I think we should start looking for a place to look at the fireworks”

“I have the perfect spot, we can get going,” said Ino, pulling Tenten from her arm.

“Umm sorry... but... Neji-on-Neji and I-” she corrected herself “I mean, we have to get going” Hinata could only hope for Neji to follow her lead.

“So early?” inquired Tenten. Disappointment was clear in her intonation “what about the fireworks?”

“Don't worry Tenten, I'll make it up to you” Neji walked towards the girl, kissing her forehead while she was still she chewing the octopus snack “Welcome back to Konoha”

“You better Hyumga or I'llm hunt you downm”

“I know,” he said, knowing perfectly well that she would.

Everybody said their goodbyes leaving the two Hyugas alone. Seeing how Sakura walked closer to Lee as the group moved away.

“N-Neji, can we look for another place to look at the fireworks?”

“Of course. Let's go before people start dispersing” He said, offering his arm to her, to which she obliged.

𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ 𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ 𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ

”Have you been enjoying yourself?”

“I have” said Hinata, starting to feel nervous again. Preparing herself mentally for the conversation she wanted to have, a part of her wasn't ready to confront him. She needed to confirm it though. She needed to know what this all had meant. The noisiness of the streets was being left behind as they continued looking for an area where they could watch the fireworks without disruption.

“These last few years haven't been the best ones” he listened attentively “it was nice to see everyone again doing something that wasn't related to a mission” a sad smile adorning her face “I think that sometimes the manor feels too big and it's corridors too long” she sighed.

“I know these years have been difficult without her” he stopped her halfway through the steps, his fingers tightly wrapped against her wrist, the tension of her arm making her turn around. Both intensively looking into the eyes of the other “it... may not seem like it but... we've got you Hinata-sa... Hinata. Kaya, Ko, Tokuma, and the rest of us. We've got you” her smile continued to be sad.

“Thank you” her eyes started watering a little “I think... I am happy today. Being with my friends and with... with you -  here, in this festival, it's something I ought to be thankful for after everything that has happened after the war and the attack. But, I want you to know that you are not obligated to keep me company if...”

“It's an honor to be here with you tonight. And the fact that you allow me to enjoy this moment with you... I should be the one thanking you”

“Neji” she said a little more sternly “we talked about this, didn’t we? Please don’t talk to me as if I am above you. We said we could be friends, right?”

“We are'' his heart struggling to recognize if they actually were, creating a pain deep in his chest. Friends... that sounded so light, breezy and joyful, all the things they hadn't been in the past. He felt the ache increase by the second. Hinata knew him, she could recognize the pain, and the bittersweet sensations that invaded him. But she didn’t want to insist on the topic now, at the risk of discomforting him.

Her hand rested on top of his, reassuringly.

･˳ . ⋆   .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆   .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆   .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆   .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆   .˳⁺⁎˚

Festival day! - 11:00 pm

The fireworks had started to pop, the radiant colors were decorating the night sky and she was feeling a little self-conscious, but happy and grateful at the same time. She had had a good evening, everybody seemed to be having a good time. She could see Ino and Tenten some meters away, their eyes shining with awe. It warmed her. They had been very supportive and encouraging.

Lee was next to her and if it weren't for her sandals, she wouldn't be able to reach his shoulders. She hadn't noticed how tall he had become.

“Is everything ok Sakura-san?” His sudden address made her blush “Don't tell me I have sauce on my face!” He was starting to get flustered “I'm sorry, can you excuse me while I go and clean myself?”

Sakura felt some anxiety in the pit of her stomach, she hadn't intended to make Lee feel as if she had been examining him. So she took her hands and canalized chakra from her hands, hoping to soothe the adrenaline running through Lee's system.

“Please, calm down! There's nothing on your face!” Lee was perplexed “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to stare”

“Why were you staring?” Lee was unsure if this was good or something to worry about.

“You are very tall, I - I was just remembering when we used to be the same height”

“It's been a decade, Sakura-chan. Our youthfulness has been in full swing ever since” He displayed his bright smile, taking after his sensei. She smiled back a little timidly, still unsure about the whole thing. Happy, but unsure.

“Yes, it's been 10 years and many things have happened during them. Many things have changed, I have changed” she said thinking about all the lows she had gone through.

“You had to, anyone under your circumstances would have to. Now you are focused, better and accomplished” she could feel her cheeks get warmer with every word “But some things don't change, you still have a good heart, you are still caring and noble” She felt her heart skip a beat and almost unconsciously raised her hands pulling him down, locking their lips together. Through her hands she felt the tension of his neck becoming more prominent, which made her realize what she had done. When she reacted and they separated they were equally stunned.

“Oh... am... I” Sakura couldn't find the words to say anything productive.

“It's ok Sakura-san, don't think about it” seeing how the panic was settling in her “We can go by as if nothing happened”

“No”, she said in a whisper. The fireworks had stopped and people had started going their way “I... I want to-to-” her hands were trembling. Lee was speechless, from all the ways that he had imagined the night ending, this wasn't one of them. He tried to smile warmly.

𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ 𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ 𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ

BOOM!

The explosions of the fireworks could be heard. Her eyes opened wide with surprise. She had been so engulfed in their conversation that the time had gone over their heads without either of them noticing.

Their conversation could continue later.

She pulled him up, encouraging him to continue going up those stairs. She had decided it, this was not a moment for sorrow.

“Common, let's get somewhere we can watch them better” She started pulling him up again.

They had found a pretty isolated spot, just for the two of them. Something that would be considered a feat under any circumstances considering how many people had attended the festival. But it was just the two of them and the beautiful fireworks in the sky. They had been able to go up one hill which wasn’t as close to the festival as other watching spots, but she needed this moment just for the two of them. A tear running down her cheek.

“Here” Neji extended a handkerchief in her direction.

“Thank you” she was feeling self conscious. “Sorry”

“You don’t have to apologize” He took a deep breath “It’s ok” She smiled at him.

The fireworks had started to slow down, the buzzing becoming less and less frequent.

“You know” she said while clutching the handle of her new handbag “I... I wanted to ask you something....” He looked at her expecting the question, but she didn't say anything.

Her hands went over the hardware of the burgundy bag, the one he had bought her, and saw how her fingers pulled something out, something that looked like a piece of paper. She unfolded it until a white envelope was extended to him. A cold chill running down his spine.

He looked down at the envelope, feeling the smooth texture of the paper though his fingers.

He had been left speechless, she had known. Since when?

“ How? ”

“I went to you room with the intention of leaving you a note, and… saw them in the drawer”

“How long have you known?”

”A week...”

A week. He repeated mentally. Fuck

He felt so embarrassed, he didn’t know how to face her.

“Thank you” he heard her say, still paralyzed, processing the fact that she had been aware that he was the one sending her the gifts she had been receiving. He felt how her arms wrapped around his torso and a pair of lips landed on his jawline

𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ 𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ 𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ

“Akimichi’s? I bet Shikamaru-san and the others are there for the after” Tenten pulled Ino until they reached the main street.

“No telling the others! I will just pay for your drinks!”

“Not a chance, of course I’ll tell them you are paying” Tenten was not going to let it slide so easily. Especially since she hadn’t been out of town for so long.

Ino rolled her eyes exasperated.

“Fine, you win this time”

･˳ . ⋆   .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆   .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆   .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆   .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆   .˳⁺⁎˚

Festival day! 11:30 pm

“Do you mind if I walk you home?”

“No” she shook her head trying to relax a little. Still feeling conflicted about pursuing whatever this was with him, she still thought that he deserved someone with less baggage. But something within her was boiling, full of curiosity.

The fireworks had stopped and everybody had started to go back to their homes. She looked around quickly, insecure about the whole thing but wanting to be brave at the same time. Ino and Tenten were nowhere to be seen, magically they seemed to have vanished. She knew Ino would want to know everything next time they met up.

The streets were lively, a lot of people had gone to bars and restaurants after the festival, civilians and ninjas could be seen on the streets walking under the black sky.

Fifteen minutes later she was standing in front of her apartment door.

Sakura stood on the tip of her toes, Lee could feel the warm breath of the girl raggedly caressing his face and then she whispered “Thank you for walking me and... Thank you for the headdress, it is quite beautiful” she finished pushing her rose petal lips against his cheek.

“Good night Lee-kun”

Lee was petrified.

How long had she known?

𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ 𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ 𓄹 ⊹   ᳝ ࣪⠀.  ִ  ་  ּ

The cold had become more and more prominent by the hour. She was almost to the point of shivering. Neji felt a little apologetic, neither of them had imagined that it would get that chilly, considering how pleasant the previous nights were. Nor, how cold it would feel despite their clothes, which were not light.

The areas leading to the Hyuga district were always more quiet compared to other areas of Konoha, especially since their neighbors had been the Uchihas, and their district continued being largely unoccupied.

He heard a dry pant coming from Hinata.

Achoo!

“Sorry,” she said, a little embarrassed.

“Bless you” he replied automatically “We should be arriving in 5 minutes, so hang on tight” He added a little shyly.

“Thank you Neji” She had noticed how quiet he had been acting since she had shown him the envelope. And in theory she knew that that was a normal reaction to expect, but she didn’t want him to retract. “It's your fault, you know?” He was feeling confused about her comment, and she was enjoying the confusion in his eyes. She laced her left hand around his right arm, a part of her feeling quite playful “You've created a monster now” Smugness poured from her voice. “I have really come to enjoy macarons” 

“ Oh ” He hadn’t expected her comment. Trying to process how close she was to him at that moment.

She was certain now, she was not misinterpreting his actions. The way in which he had retracted after she had shown him the envelope. The way in which he was always attentive around her. The way in which he looked at her. The way in which he always seemed to be there, just when she needed him. Her heart pounded really hard for a moment.

Thanking Hanabi at the shrine had really lifted her spirit and somehow provided her with clarity.  

To be continued...

✦ P R E V - F I R S T - N E X T ✦

✦ N E J I H I N A F A N F I C D I R E C T O R Y ✦

☆ P E R M I S S I O N S T A T E M E N T

Hi! so here is my policy:

Ask permission for:

Translating my fics to other languages (I do my own translations for english or spanish).

Recording podfics.

No need to ask permission for:

Making fanarts

Companion or reimagining fics

Other inspiration works

Big No-nos:

Reposting my works to other sites and accounts under any circumstances, I manage my own works.

Thanks!

[1lovedavemustaine]

oh, you are a writer?? SO... can you write something with vampire mustaine ??😋😋

I am SO sorry this took so long but I had schools and then I had a football game and by the time we got back it was late so it’s probably not going to be too good but I’m trying I swear 😭😭

1983

The moon was full, casting a dim glow in the dark sky. Y/N, a girl who had just arrived in town, was already captivated by the quaint little place.

Tonight, she wandered to a nightclub called "The Nocturne," nestled in one of the dimly lit alleyways.

As she pushed open the grand doors of the building, a wave of excitement for the unknown washed over her. With each step inside, she quickly realized that this was a musician's sanctuary. It was ironic because she herself was a musician, known for her role in the band "Velvet Sky."

While exploring the place, she couldn't shake the feeling of being watched. Turning around to investigate, her eyes locked onto a pair of intense crimson orbs. It was an unusual sight, but she chose not to say anything as the mysterious figure with red eyes approached her.

"You're new here," he remarked, his gaze sweeping over her skimpy outfit. She nodded in response, her curiosity piqued as she studied the peculiar features of the enigmatic man.

"Where are you from?" he inquired, his voice carrying an alluring yet mysterious tone.

"L.A." she says. he repeated with a nod, his admiration for her growing more evident with each passing moment.

"Do you know where you're at?" he asked, his eyes still locked onto hers, a hint of amusement dancing in his gaze.

She looks up confused. “I mean.. I did come here so I would think..”

A faint, knowing smile played on his lips as he replied, "Of course, you came here intentionally. But 'The Nocturne' isn't your typical nightclub. It's a place for those who seek something...extraordinary."

With a hint of intrigue in his gaze, he extended the invitation, "Would you like to get a drink with me?"

“Sure," she replied, following him to the counter. The deep velvety red stools and matching counters added to the mysterious ambiance of the place.

“Here” he hands her a drink. “It’s on the "Here," he handed her a drink, a gesture that left her intrigued. "It's on the house," he added with a subtle smile.

"Thank you," she said politely, accepting the drink. However, as she took a sip and realized its unsettling crimson hue, her eyes widened in shock. "This is blood!" she exclaimed, hastily moving away from him, a mixture of fear and astonishment in her voice.

"Ah, I see. You're a mortal," he sighed, his grip on her arm tightening. "Such a shame. I really did like you," he lamented, his words carrying a sense of regret and longing.

As his grip on her arm tightened further, she grew increasingly alarmed. "Wait, what are you doing? let me go!" she pleaded, her struggles intensifying as panic set in.

He pulled her closer to him, and with a mixture of desire and hunger in his crimson eyes, he gently sank his teeth into her neck.

As her life’s essence flowed into him, Y/N’s vision blurred, and a strange sense of euphoria washed over her. In that instant, she felt the centuries of his existence, his memories, his desires, and his loneliness. It was as if they had become one, bound by an unbreakable bond that transcended time and mortality.

“Forgive me,” he murmured, his crimson eyes filled with regret and longing. “I couldn’t let you go. You are now a part of my world, forever.”

“You turned me?” She asks afraid.

"I did," Dave admitted, his regret and guilt palpable as he met her fearful gaze. The weight of his choice hung heavy between them, a haunting reminder of the irreversible transformation that had taken place.

“How long have you been a vampire?” She asks quietly.

Dave took a moment before answering, his gaze distant as he recalled the centuries that had passed. "I've been a vampire for over two hundred years," he replied, his voice tinged with a mixture of weariness and the weight of time.

"And now... now you can be with me forever," he said, a hint of sadistic desire in his tone, as if he couldn't bear the thought of letting her go.

As the months passed without any sign of Y/N, her friends and family grew increasingly worried. They initiated a desperate search, canvassing the town and beyond, but deep down, they feared the truth. Y/N had vanished without a trace, and the silence that enveloped her absence spoke volumes.

In their hearts, they began to accept that she was gone forever, her memory becoming a bittersweet part of their lives. They mourned the loss of the vibrant, mortal Y/N, even as she continued to exist in the shadows, forever bound to the vampire who had made her his eternal muse.

Again sorry for how long it took but I kept redoing this and fell asleep. 😭

[lokittystuckinatree]

LCU (Loki Cinematic Universe) Rewatch Part Three here we come!

Thor: the Dark World

Oh Gods I forgot how…indescribable this movie is. I have no words. The outfits and settings look so real and the elves look so fake?

Me every time I see Loki: oOmMgGg Hiiiiiiiiiii 😘

“Mother did I make you proud?” And the whole way he handles this scene…How did anyone ever take him seriously - no wonder he went off the rails, that’s his greatest fear

“Do you not feel the gravity of your crimes” ok this is pure speculation but going off of what we know about Loki’s moral and emotional system - he’s capable of remorse and empathy, but he tends to compartmentalize and bury guilt and shame, repress and conceal his true feelings, and rationalize, minimize and justify his actions instead of accepting what he sees as weakness, so yes, I’d imagine that deep down he absolutely fucking feels it. And it don’t feel good.

Loki justifies his imperialism genocide and violence in an imperial genocidal militaristic society but the second he becomes king he decreases military intervention something something (one of the good bits of Ragnarok)

“I don’t enjoy hurting people” But Odin does. And so Loki pretends to.

BOOOOOO Odin no one likes you BOOOOOOO SCREW YOU

oMggg Sif hiiiiiii. Look at her, Thor. LOOK at her! With your eyes! She prettyyyyy

Odin and Thor: talking about Thor’s love life. Loki probably: rocking back in forth in his cell because no one’s ever gonna love him. Another Loki at the same time: chasing his soulmate across spacetime because she pulled a Loki on him and he finds that endearing

The sets and ambiance of Asgard are gorgeous how do I move there

Yet another obscure character I don’t remember, Darcy’s in the comics now I’m so proud, Selvig’s lost his last marble, so have I Selvig, so have I

The weird gravity/time space anomaly/warp thing in that abandoned building actually makes for a fun scene. You cannot change my mind on this. The Aether is pretty creepy though ngl.

Thor and Jane are so cringe together. I love them. They also break my heart

The plot of this movie is really…something

Loki and Frigga’s bond actually makes me teary I know they didn’t have the best relationship it was strained and toxic at times but omg they care about eachother so much I’m getting emotional…she genuinely was the only person Loki truly loved in a healthy way. And he fucking lost her. FUCK

Cut to me relating to Loki so much it makes me physically recoil. I’d get into why but I’m not trauma dumping today.

“I don’t know why Loki helped the dark elf get into the palace”…lol stop lying to yourself you know the reason very well. You have the same resentment and lust for chaos inside you that Loki does…that desperate grief that makes you want to burn down the world that burned you. you know. I see my worst in Loki, and his story gives me hope that I can change. There’s a good chance I will die young (medical shit) and Loki dying young also gives me comfort.

This movie is peak Loki. I just fucking adore the little shit. I just aahfhkjkmng *aggressively squeezes*

Heimdall is underrated

Someone on discord said Frigga autocorrected to Fridged on their phone and Frigga’s dying and that’s all I can think about rip…bruh this scene hits a lot harder after my dad’s death ✌️

HE WASNT EVEN ALLOWED AT HER FUCKING FUNERAL FUCK YOU ODIN DRINK BLEACH!!!!Anyways I forgot how cinematic and heartbreakingly beautiful the funeral was

YOU CAN SEE THE SPARK LEAVE HIS FUCKING EYES IM GONNA FIGHT ODIN IN A DENNYS PARKING LOT. I’m ending on the Loki illusion scene for tonight because it’s 3 am and I’m in emotional distress.

How can anyone watch the illusion scene and the deleted bits and actually believe Loki is a cold hearted psychopath? I have this fucked up headcanon that Loki almost attempted suicide after Frigga’s death and either stopped himself…or Thor showed up right on time. I can’t prove it but I know it’s true by gut instinct.

There’s something so weirdly profound about someone who seeks out death being unkillable. Character who thinks he represents death actually represents life. That’s something the Loki series actually did well. They definitely screwed up his character in places, but I can see the backbone of what they intended. I don’t know how to explain this, but I don’t ship Sylvie with TVA Loki, I ship her with Pre-Ragnarok Loki. Aka, I characterize TVA Loki as closer to OG Loki than he is thus far.

There’s a tiny detail about Loki that makes me go feral. You have to psychoanalyze a little, but Loki doubts his brother even cares about him, so whenever Thor says he feels betrayed and threatens him, Loki smiles. It means Thor cared. It means there’s hope. Negative attention is better than none at all. Disappointment is better than apathy. I wish I didn’t know how he feels.

[ievaxol]

ok so. seike post.

i've -- not struggled, exactly --- but tried to put words to and identify her internal conflict as best i can lately and i think ive landed in something i can sort of verbalize.

the day her village perished, she perished with them. she and her fellow survivors swore an oath that they, too, were buried here and would rely on llymlaen's guidance to bring them back home when time was due.

seike's been raised around death, taught that you face it calm and head held high -- grieving is normal, of course, but death isn't to be feared. its not joyous, either, but somewhere in the peripheral of that. a homecoming. a path to be taken. you dont rush to it and you do try to avoid it but the idea of thwarting death is taboo as it comes.

so from 16 and onward she doesn't really forge deep connections with anyone; she's 'dead' in her own eyes and simply goes where her feet takes her. she fights at cartenau, in gridania, makes herself useful in whatever ways she can. she prays, often but quiet.

her purpose around here is to just, do good. shes strong, and intuitive, and she has been set on the path of using that for others.

and then she meets the scions and in turn alphinaud and alisaie. this is where her certainty of being ready to face death wavers. alphinaud and alisaie are so young and they take to her in a way she never wanted. she begins to think of them as 'hers'. a responsibility and a joy in equal measure.

somewhere along the way she starts brightening up. she sees them as younger sibling-cousins and even further down the road, she sees them as her family in the bonedeep way she hasn't felt since before she was set on the adventurers road.

but with that also comes fear. and shame. because seike starts realizing that she would bend the rules for these two. has she abandoned the teachings she was raised with? or worse, has she forgotten what she was taught?

haurchefant is taken and she feels the acrid taste of death, knowing she would break the world if someone told her it was possible to undo. but it isnt allowed. she's been taught grace and acceptance, so why are those teachings fading now? has she grown weak?

then comes ardbert, and she snatches him from his death once she has a chance. no hesitation, pure instinct, denying him the end he was destined for.

she, too, is spared. and the guilt of it mixed with the heady relief of being granted yet another chance is almost too much -- the old versus the new, the way her childhood feels so impossibly far away, has she forgotten?

seike teaches alphinaud and alisaie her songs, snips of her language. she braids their hair and gives them daggers reserved for her village and in doing so she selfishly ensures that there are survivors of Vaegsala. but is it right?

a lot of rambling but i think i arrived at this, this inner conflict with her. she wants to honor her oaths, her traditions -- but she's also thrust into another world, where the rules can be bent. with people whom she grows to care for in a way she never thought possible again. but is it fair? when is too far? would her goddess deny her now, after she has rejected her path?

so when seike's yet again spared from her 'fate' in endwalker i think thats the culmination of this conflict and thats what post-endwalker would look like for seike.

[thekristen999]

Eddie was on the floor, Buck beside him, murmuring and soothing. And it was all too much. The realization of it all.

How fucked up Eddie was, how much guilt and shame and self-loathing he’d built up around him, imprisoning him. How he shoved it away so far and so deep, it had no choice but to seep through into everything else.

“Eddie. Talk to me... ”

“I’m sorry,” Eddie’s voice cracked.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.”

But didn’t he? Or was that part of the problem?

He wiped at his face, his cheeks wet, his limbs like jelly. Eddie couldn’t help the tears, the way his chest heaved and shook. Out of control and bare again.

Buck pulled him close and Eddie accepted it, all of it, latching onto Buck, taking solace in his strength, in the love and affection and support.

“I’ve got you,” Buck whispered. “Always have, always will. We made that promise to each other.”

Oh, boy. This scene is from Hold The Pain, Release Me.

This was an accumulation of all the previous scenes in the story which at it’s core is about Eddie’s therapist sending him to someone who specializes in art therapy. Eddie has buried years of trauma, he’s internalized his own needs, forced into roles where he needs to be the strong one, and other types of learned behaviors.

In neuroscience and in trauma therapy, we learn that our brains get hard-wired into negative thought patterns, which creates this negative thought-depression loop. And Eddie’s coping mechanisms are also on this negative-loop of burying/ignoring his emotions. 

PTSD patients, in this case Eddie, sometimes have a hard time expressing themselves or putting into words how they feel because they’ve never known how to before. Art helps process traumatic events in a new away without forcing patients from re-living experiences. Not to mention it can help people process sensory-memories while proving this feeling of safe distance.

In the story Eddie has been given a series of assignments to help him channel his feelings. Journaling. Writing a letter to Shannon. Jotting down his thoughts whenever he’s feeling upset and tying to balloons to be set free etc.

When he begins painting, he’s thinking too hard on how to ' make art’ and finally accepts that it's okay to just put paint to canvas, to give in to whatever his fingers want to do. 

 He’s on his eighth painting which pre-leads to your selected passage.

It’s starts off here:

Over time, Eddie really got into painting. He liked playing with colors, swirling them around on the canvas, watching them change. His mountains were large and sprawling. Sometimes he’d add trees or bushes, splotches of green. 

After the sixth painting was done, he invited Buck over one night when Chris was at a sleepover. Eddie cleared out the dining room and put plastic all over the floor, wearing a t-shirt and raggedy pants that could get messy, and the two of them went to work. No words spoken between them, both focused on their canvases Buck a flurry of motion then stillness.

Eddie made brush stroke after stroke, never really stopping to think or question, going with the flow. His mountain was sharp and ragged with thick layers of gray, tons of black, the sky a thin strip of blue. It was a sprawling fortress of granite and stone. 

And when Eddie took a step back to look at what he’d created, it hit him, what had been hidden inside, what had been struggling to get free. He was finally able to visualize his sadness and anger.  

:

And this is where he’s finally releases his emotions. Everything all at once and believe me when you finally allow yourself to let go—it's fucking powerful. It’s like a damn breaking -- which leads to the scene where Buck comes in and holds him after what is years of suppressed emotion.

Wow. That was lengthy. I'm sorry!

For the pick up to 500 words from one of my stores and I'll post a DVD commentary on it.

[mahou-furbies]

Closing thoughts on Time Stranger Kyoko

It's a short series, so I ended up rereading my first ever magical girl manga. I remember not really liking this back when it came out in the 2000s (or actively disliking it with the strength of a teen pissed at a piece of media), and if now was the first time I read it, I'd probably find it middling at best due to its many flaws. However now I surprisingly liked it a lot more than I expected, because I do have some nostalgia for it, and it’s not quite as bad as what I wanted it to be back then.

The story is about princess Kyoko, who gets the power to control time. Her mission is to gather 11 other magical girls and boys to help her move a giant clock, which should wake up her twin sister who has been in an enchanted sleep since birth. Let's get the obvious complaint that every TSK review must mention out of the way first: the manga was cancelled, and the ending is incredibly rushed (Kyoko finds one Stranger in the first volume, three in the second, and the third begins by introducing six of them in one page). There's really nothing that can be said about it other than that it's incredibly awkward when several volumes worth of story is crammed into four chapters.

Then there were a lot of shall we say wacky story elements I don't think I really paid attention to back when I originally read this. Like how Kyoko's BFF is in a relationship with an adult man whose only characteristic is "sells underage girls in human auction", and after things implode, the end note of this arc is "it's a shame things didn't work out for her". And then there was the mermaid girl who was a homophobic brocon. And this one guy sexually assaults Kyoko while she's sleeping because he knows he'll get a death penalty for it, which guilts Kyoko into lying that their feelings are mutual, and in the end he's just forgiven for everything (including a little mass murder he committed earlier). There's a lot packed in these three volumes I tell you!

In addition to all this buffoonery TSK also contains my least favourite Tanemura trope. Which is when a bad guy is revealed to secretly have been a good guy all along (like they were just acting and always had the good guys' best interest in mind, or deep in their heart never stopped loving a main character). Or alternatively this comes up in scenarios where a character reveals that they did something terrible that hurt someone really bad, only for this victim to reveal that they knew all along and made peace with it a long time ago. In both cases it's like, first you set up a conflict, and then reveal that the conflict wasn't there to begin with? I hate this trope, giving the characters a second chance is fine, but I'd much rather read about them working to earn forgiveness than speedrunning to the happy ending.

That is a lot of complaining, but as I said in the first paragraph I actually had a fairly good time. The premise is intersting and the characters are fun, and most importantly it turns out I like Kyoko a lot. She is delightfully assertive, adaptive and confident, and actively goes out her way to move the plot forward. And! Reading the wikipedia it turns out! This was the reason the series got canned! """Kyouko wasn’t accepted, because she was maybe too headstrong""" my ass... Japanese girls have terrible taste it seems.

Finally a shoutout to series Best Boy, Widseek, who is this honorable thief/lovable rogue type character, he was a lot of fun. And also another shoutout to the flip phones the characters use in the 2900s.