#Hawkami fanfic

[torreshalstead]

No Grief in Sleep

Summary - She’d long heard that the days were easier than the nights, that the nights would bring body aching loneliness and hours of painful memories. But for Violet, that wasn’t the case. No, the days were painful, raw and seemed to last for hours longer than they should. But she looked forward to the night.

Notes - So you can thank the OC insta for posting the end of 11x03 and putting me in my Hawkami painful feels. This was kind of therapeutic to write so I hope you enjoy. AO3 Link

She’d long heard that the days were easier than the nights, that the nights would bring body aching loneliness and hours of painful memories. But for Violet, that wasn’t the case.

The days were awful. Everyone was tiptoeing around her as if she was close to her breaking point and one noise just a fraction too loud would push her off the edge. They spoke to her in hushed voices, heads cocked to the side like you spoke to someone in a hospital bed. But she wasn’t in a hospital bed, she wasn’t injured. At least not physically or visibly. She knew they meant well, that they thought they were looking out for her best interests. But it just served as a reminder that nothing was right. She was having to live out her days without the man she loved by her side. And it wasn’t fair.

No, the days were painful, raw and seemed to last for hours longer than they should. But she looked forward to the night.

At night, she could wrap herself in his shirt, his smell enveloping her like a hug, curl into bed and drift into a world where he still existed. Where he still pulled her into his arms, told her how loved she was and they could continue to live their lives together, the mundane and the exciting. Their time not impacted by a little thing such as death.

In the back of her mind Violet knew it wasn’t real. Knew it was a life of fantasy, but it provided her comfort, a place where she wasn't in pain and where every little thing didn’t remind her of the life she wanted and was no longer possible for her. When she closed her eyes at night, everything she had ever hoped was possible. There was no grief in sleep.

Tonight was no different, without even stopping to look at the clock as she walked into her apartment, caring not for the time, she headed straight to her room. Shucking off her clothes, leaving them in the pile on the floor they fell to as she stepped out of them. She pulled the worn grey t-shirt over her head, breathing in the scent that still lingered on the cotton. It wasn’t as strong as it once was, but it was still enough.

She climbed into bed, switching her phone on to silent - nothing was important enough to disturb the only time she got now that allowed her to feel alive. Tugging the sheets up high to her chin, she knew it wouldn’t take long for sleep to overcome her. And as usual, she was right.

Her eyes fluttered open when the morning sun flooded into the room, her gaze focused on the figure of a man opening the blinds and when he turned around to look at her, his smile was wide and bright.

‘Morning beautiful,’ he said softly, crawling back across the bed and dropping a kiss to her forehead. Violet hummed in response. She still wasn’t used to getting woken up like this, peacefully lifted from her slumber with love and affection.

‘You got an early meeting?’ She asked, her voice still thick with sleep as she rolled over on her side so she could throw an arm and a leg over him.

‘Not today, was going to make you breakfast though, how’s pancakes and bacon sound?’ He asked, pushing a strand of hair that had fallen out of her braid behind her ear.

‘Delicious,’ Violet muttered, pressing a kiss to his bare chest and letting her lips linger against his warm skin.

The scene faded as if a blur effect had been painted across the whole thing, the colours merged together and a second later turned back into solid.

The sun was glistening off the Chicago waterfront, the sky absent for all but a couple of small clouds and his hand was wrapped tightly around hers. The path was busy but bubbling with life on a weekend afternoon. There were children peddling little bikes, excitedly laughing as they hit top speed off in front of parents. Old couples strolling slowly arm in arm, savouring the summer sun on their skin. Young couples swinging interlaced hands, taking selfies with beaming smiles.

The happiness of everyone around them was infectious and Violet couldn’t disguise the smile that was painted on her cheeks as she took it all in. They continued to meander down the path, no destination in mind, just content to be in the fresh air together with no worry that an emergency call out may interrupt them. As with all couples whose work involved answering the needs of the citizens of Chicago, they had had many an interrupted rendezvous when the bells had rung.

Coming up to a park bench on the side, a little girl with a multi coloured tutu was dancing to imaginary music, her arms swaying above her head.

‘Dad, dance with me!’ They heard her call out loudly to the man sitting on the bench just across from them. Without missing a beat, her father jumped up and pulled her into his arms, dramatically swaying them both and dipping her before peppering her face with kisses, her giggles filling the air.

Violet smiled at them as they passed, when a voice whispered in her ear, ‘that’s the kind of father I want to be.’

A warmth filled her stomach at his words and she glanced up at him, ‘really?’ She asked, curious as to what had brought out such a comment.

‘The kind who will drop anything when their kid calls, makes a fool of themselves in public just so their child will smile. The father who has pictures of his kids in his wallet and will talk about them to everyone and anyone,’ he squeezed her hand and her mind was suddenly swimming with images.

The images are full of two children, a little boy the spitting image of the man holding her hand and a little girl, her long dark hair swirling around her as she giggled loudly. They were being pushed on the swings, both cheering loudly to go higher and higher, she and him both acquiescing to their requests, matching silver rings glistening on their left hands.

The image melted again and when she opened her eyes, the world she had been living in had disappeared and once again she was back in her room, her blinds drawn but the morning sun peeping through the corners. Glancing at her phone, she realised she was late. It was already 8:15 and she was due on shift 15 minutes ago. Groaning loudly, she pulled herself out of bed and hurried to get ready.

——————————————————————————

‘Is everything okay?’ Her partner Sylvie Brett asked softly, having pulled her aside once she appeared in the break room, 40 minutes after her shift had started.

‘Yeah, fine,’ Violet brushed her off, pulling her hair into a tight ponytail. She really should have showered this morning but had obviously not had the time and didn’t have the energy or the want to shower in the locker room either.

‘Violet-’ Sylvie tried again, her head tilting in the tell-tale sign of pity that Violet had grown to hate in the past few weeks. Couldn’t anyone keep their head straight on their necks when they talked to her these days.

‘I just overslept Sylvie, I’m sorry. I'll go apologise to Boden,’ she interrupted and before Sylvie could say anything else, she turned heel and marched towards Boden’s office. She had no intention of speaking to their Chief, he was full of pity more than anyone else. He was the one who had held her back, stopped her from being able to save him. And he knew it.

‘Oh hey Vi,’ Gallo appeared next to her from out of nowhere. ‘Missed you at morning briefing,’ he said. It wasn’t a question but she could tell he was digging for an explanation not just of her tardiness today but her overall demeanour. She wanted to yell at him; he’s dead! Nothing matters anymore!

But she swallowed it down, she knew her friends cared. She knew they were trying and wanted to help but there was nothing they could do and she didn’t want the help. She wanted this shift to be over so she could go home and go to sleep.

‘Just overslept is all,’ she said calmly.

‘Glad you’re sleeping well,’ he said with a warm smile. If he only knew the half of it but she nodded with a forced smile.

‘I’m just going to…’ she said, gesturing past him in a hope that he would let her pass without any more questioning.

‘Of course, umm…’ he paused and Violet could feel the words on the tip of his tongue but she couldn’t. Not today. So she smiled again and continued past him into the locker room, thankful it was empty.

She sat on the bench, facing her locker but not really looking at it, her mind failing to focus on anything solid right now.

That’s how Hermann came to find her 30 minutes later, gazing off into the distance, her eyes glazed over, shoulders slumped forward.

‘Hey kiddo,’ he said quietly but it still made her jump.

‘Oh hi Hermann,’ she said with a little shake of her head in an attempt to pull herself completely back into the present.

‘I’m not going to ask you if you’re okay, because you’re not,’ he started and she immediately turned to look away, not wanting to keep his eye contact for fear he would be able to see straight through her. ‘But if you ever want to talk, or not talk. We are all here for you. And we don’t expect you to be better just because that would be the easy thing. These things hurt and you’ve got to feel that hurt for a bit. So you can heal.’ Hermann reached over and squeezed her shoulder before leaving her alone again with her own thoughts.

His words had hit her. That you need to feel the hurt. But she wasn’t hurting. At least not all the time. When she was on shift, she was angry - angry at the situation, that he had been put in that position and saved someone else instead of himself. Mad at her friends which she knew wasn’t fair but was still how she was feeling. She was annoyed that her shifts were long and she was expected to sleep during them but she couldn’t. She lay awake every night on shift. She could only sleep in the bed she had shared with him, wrapped in his scent and drifting off back into his arms. She prayed they got calls in the middle of the night so her tiredness wouldn’t be questioned. But she wasn’t hurting.

At home, when she was asleep, she was as far from hurt as she could be. She was happy. She was in love. She was with him.

——————————————————————————

Returning back to her apartment after shift she repeated the same routine she had since the day of the funeral. Before the funeral she hadn’t slept once. Before everyone in polished and pressed uniforms had come out to show how sad they were. Sad they were for a person they barely knew. But she knew him, she knew him and she couldn’t even say anything. The department knew about their relationship but didn’t want it advertised. And as such, she had to sit at the back with her house and listen to people praise him and his work, staying vague enough that the speeches could have been rolled out for whoever had been crushed by that building.

Their words meant nothing. And that night when she had expected to lie in bed and have a night filled again with restless movement and everything but sleep, she fell asleep and he appeared to her. She fell back into a world where they were together and that call never happened. She had never had to experience having her heart crushed in front of her friends, her own cries echoing outside her body as they pulled him out, his body lifeless and his eyes empty of their usual sparkle. In this world, he was hers and she was his, he was alive and they were in love.

He stood with his back to her, his bare skin pale in the moonlight. He didn’t turn as she got out of bed but she knew it was him, she had memorised his lines, every stretch of his skin, the outline of his muscles underneath her fingers. Looking down she realised she was just as scantily dressed as he was, only a pair of black underwear graced her frame. She didn’t care. She never felt self-conscious around him. Whenever he was around, Violet felt like the most beautiful woman on the planet, all the flaws she used to see when she looked in the mirror, all the bits of herself that she had poked and prodded, disappeared when he looked at her.

She pressed her naked chest to his back, wrapping her arms tightly around him and sighing when his fingers interlocked with hers.

‘Morning,’ she murmured, pressing a kiss to the middle of his spine.

‘Good morning my love,’ the man said, his voice warm and comforting. ‘Did you sleep well? I didn’t mean to wake you.’

‘You didn’t,’ she said, her lips remaining in contact with his skin so her voice was muffled.

‘What do you want to do today?’ He asked and Violet knew that whatever she said he would agree to in an instant. If she wanted to drive for hours with the radio playing and the windows down, he would pack a bag full of food so they wouldn’t need to stop. If she wanted to stay in bed all day and show him how much she loved him, he would show her the feeling was mutual. If she said she didn’t know, he’d offer suggestions of things he knew she’d enjoy. She had never been with someone who valued her happiness and comfort so highly. She was as happy as she imagined she could ever be.

The first night, it had all seemed so real. His touch, his lips, his words. It was like he was really with her and her life without him was the dream instead. When she awoke and was alone, she realised it wasn’t. But every night when she fell asleep, it could be real again and she lived for those moments. She tried to rush through the days as quickly as she could, the faster the day went, the quicker she was back with her love and her heart was whole again.

They were swaying in each other’s arms, strings of fairy lights twinkling above their heads. The music played in the distance but neither of them were focused on the words the band was saying, the only important thing was each other. He was dressed to the nines, his suit fitting him perfectly, the shirt underneath white as snow. His newest accessory stark against his own skin.

Her own matched his, he had offered to get her a fancier one but the engagement ring was bright enough for her. She was happy to have a plain wedding band that matched her husband’s.

The back of her dress was lace, the pearl buttons starting just below her shoulder blades and running down where the material changed to satin at the bottom of her back and down the train. The front was a matching lace but was currently pressed to her love’s chest, his arms wrapped tightly around her, providing the safety she knew they always would.

The whole night was like a fairytale. Her father had walked her down the aisle, holding back his own tears where her fiancé had failed to do so. When she met him at the altar, tears were streaming down his face, his red rimmed eyes filled with nothing but love and his smile wide enough to hurt his cheeks. Their friends and family had cheered them when they were announced husband and wife, had showered them with love and affection at the reception and were now coupled off and dancing their own dances around the floor.

It was everything she had ever wished it could be.

Violet was pulled roughly from that world, awoken unceremoniously by a loud knocking at the door. She frowned for a moment, hoping the noise would stop and she could return to her unconscious state but when it didn’t she realised she needed to see to it before her neighbours put in a complaint.

Tugging on a pair of sweatpants that were crumpled on the floor, she opened the door and was shocked to see Kelly Severide in front of her. As far as she had been aware, he didn’t know where she lived.

‘Hey Violet,’ he said, surprisingly without the head tilt and his voice lacking the usual pity that their colleagues used.

‘Um hi, it’s not a great time,’ Violet said, pushing her hair out of her face and tugging awkwardly at the hem of her shirt. She wasn’t exactly dressed to entertain.

‘No, that much I realise but considering you missed the whole of last shift, it’s the right time,’ Kelly said calmly, gently pushing past her into the apartment.

Violet’s jaw dropped, she had missed the whole of the last shift. She knew she had woken up a couple of times last night, or last day clearly, and gotten up for a drink or a trip to the bathroom but never once had she glanced at her phone or thought to check the time. She had just retreated back to her bed, back to him.

‘I must have been tired…’ she panicked and tried to think of an excuse but Kelly shook his head.

‘It’s not that though, is it,’ he said calmly, taking a seat on her couch and gesturing for her to sit at the other side. Even though he wasn’t her ranking officer when he was in her apartment, she still did as was asked and sat down next to him.

‘I’m not here to pity you Violet, I’m sure you’ve had your fill of that from everyone else,’ he was speaking the truth, his voice was still calm but not the ‘I’m sorry the man you loved died’ calm but the ‘I understand’ calm. She hummed lightly in response, she didn’t know where he was going with this but she was going to hear him out.

‘I know you know about Shay,’ Kelly started, he seemed to take a deep breath before speaking which confused Violet. She had heard a lot about Shay, from Kelly and from others but it didn’t usually make him react like this. She nodded in response anyway, of course she knew Shay - everyone at 51 knew Shay. ‘But there was also Anna.’ Violet glanced over at him, her gaze being fixed ahead until this moment, she saw he was a little paler than usual.

‘Anna was my girlfriend who died, she had cancer and it was terminal. She died holding my hand and it broke me,’ Kelly said, his voice thick where he was holding back tears. ‘I was a shell of a man for a while. I’d only just survived losing Shay but when Anna was taken, I didn’t think I’d make it.’

Violet continued to stare at him as he spoke, she could tell it had taken a lot for him to tell her this and she didn’t want to interrupt him.

‘I thought I saw her everywhere after that. On calls, at the checkout of the store, on the L. It was like my mind wanted to see her, so it did. It was the worst at night, she’d fill my dreams and then I’d wake up and realise she was still gone.’ He went quiet after that, their breathing the only noise in the silent room.

‘He’s in all my dreams,’ Violet said in all but a whisper. ‘When I’m asleep, it’s like I’m alive with him again.’

‘But then you wake up,’ Kelly said quietly and Violet nodded.

‘It’s easier in the dreams, it doesn’t hurt because he’s there,’ she admitted. She hadn’t told anyone this, hadn’t wanted to admit that she was dreaming about someone who wasn’t alive anymore. She didn’t think anyone would understand but here was Kelly, someone who clearly understood more than she knew.

‘But if you’re only focused on the dreams, then you’ll forget to live,’ Violet blinked at his words. ‘He wouldn’t want you to do that Violet, he’d want you to live. Evan would want you to live for the both of you.’

Violet choked back a sudden sob. It was the first time anyone had said Evan’s name to her since it had happened. Everyone had avoided it. They had always just said ‘sorry for your loss’ or he was simply ‘him’. Nobody ever said his name.

The name that she had murmured into his skin as he made her feel things that no one else ever had. The name she would yell with a laugh when he would pick her up from behind when she least expected it and twirl her around. The name she tagged on to the end of I love you when she said goodbye as he left her apartment, her words only meant for him and no one else.

She realised she hadn’t even said it herself. She hadn’t said his name either. She had thought she’d say goodbye to him at his funeral, get a moment to whisper the words at his grave but she never did.

‘I never said goodbye,’ she choked out. She was crying more now than she had since that night when she had watched his lifeless body get carried away from her. ‘I never said goodbye,’ she repeated, quieter this time, a realisation as well as statement.

‘You can still do it now,’ Kelly suggested softly, and when Violet quickly spun her head to look at him added, ‘it doesn’t mean you’ll forget him. It just means you can start to live again. He’ll always be with you Violet, looking out for you, cheering on your successes and mourning your losses. But you’re still here Violet, and you can’t forget that. Evan wouldn’t want you to forget that.’

She nodded, the tears still staining her cheeks. ‘Will you come with me?’ She asked quietly. She would never normally have asked this of Kelly, the Squad Lieutenant and she had never had that much in common up until that point. But he nodded at her when she added, ‘I need to say goodbye.’

[americaswritings]

Old scars - future Hearts (a Hawkami oneshot)

Warnings: angst, fluff

Summary: 

"Don't do that. Don't pretend that everything is fine when it's so clear it's not. I know you're hurting Violet. Please, let me help." "What if there is nothing you can do to help?" "I can only try if you let me." or Violet and Evan talk about what happened to him and how it affected her.

Words: 2k

Pairing: Violet Makami x Evans Hawkins (Hawkami)

A/N: Yup, I'm still screaming, crying, throwing up over the loss of Hawkins. I loved his character so much and his relationship with Violet was what got me into the show again. I wish they would have had more time together, because they were amazing together!! So because there's nothing else to do I'm going to pretend he didn't die and they got the happy ending they deserved. I'm going to write more for them soon! :)

Tags:

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[carolina-skies]

I’ll Always Keep You Safe || Evan Hawkins x Violet Mikami

—

Chapters: 9/?

Word count: 18.2k

My Published Works

—

With Sylvie gone for an extended furlough, Violet knew she was bound to be stuck with a replacement partner that she couldn’t stand. She half-expected it to be Wyatt or Chout, knowing her luck. What she didn’t expect was to be partnered with Paramedic Chief Evan Hawkins, in Sylvie’s absence. And she certainly wasn't expecting the aftermath of that shift.

—

Read on AO3

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

[sylvies-chen]

Hawkami + you can't help who you fall for✨

“You can’t help who you fall for, Gallo! Okay?”

Those are the words Evan hears Violet screaming, can hear them clear as day even from down the hall. Only when he turns the corner and sees his girlfriend ringing the young firefighter out in the middle of the bunker room, he’s shocked. He stopped by 51 for a routine visit, still under the impression that he and Violet were keeping their relationship secret. And screaming is definitely not keeping it secret.

He walks through the entrance, quietly making his way towards whatever argument the two are in, and watches as Violet continues.

“I’m sorry,” she says, “that you and I didn’t work out. You know I’d never want to hurt you. But I didn’t plan this. Believe me on that. Evan and I, it just sorta… happened.”

“Yeah, but how long will that last? You can’t actually believe that guy would give up his career for you. There’s no way it can be that serious.”

“I’m not asking him to,” she retorts, her cheeks red with anger. “We’re managing it the way we both think is best. And not that it’s any of your business, but it is that serious. I love him.”

At that, Evan’s jaw drops. Violet… loves him? Love him? Granted, it’s not the way he imagined they’d first say that, but… holy shit. He’s the luckiest guy ever.

The young firefighter— Gallo, her ex, Evan realizes— looks surprised by this confession too, but keeps going. “I just think—”

“Gallo!” Violet barks suddenly, and her voice afterwards drops to something quieter but still seething. “If I want to know what you think at any point in time, I’ll ask. Until then, do me a favour and shut up!”

By the end of her sentence, her voice crescendos up to a bark again. It whips Gallo into a stinging silence, his eyes wide with the swift realization that he’s messed with the wrong girl on the wrong day, and he just storms off after that. When Violet’s done exhaling, she walks it off. It’s then that she’s able to turn and see Evan, who’s still standing roughly twenty feet away, shocked and still processing what he just heard. Her past with Gallo, her new level of anger. But more importantly, the fact that she loves him.

“Evan,” she utters in a surprised exhale.

He puts his hands up jokingly in surrender, flashing a nervous and lopsided smile. “Hi,” he greets her awkwardly. “Hope you don’t mind that I overheard that. If it makes it any better, I uh… I love you too.”

For a second, he thinks she might run away in embarrassment, but she doesn’t. Instead, a beaming smile creeps up on her face as she runs to him, pulling him in by the cheeks for a messy, thrilling kiss, both of them still on the high of realizing they’re in love.

“So much for secrecy,” she giggles when she finally pulls away. And Evan doesn’t care. After all, being in love is something too strong to conceal.

[babystaygold]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Chicago Fire Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Evan Hawkins/Violet Mikami Characters: Evan Hawkins, Violet Mikami Additional Tags: Fluff, a tiny bit of angst, New Relationship, Domesticity, I am Hawkami trash, I stan our Soft King, a few swears, Suggestive Themes Summary:

“We’re not really talking about it like it’s a thing.”

Violet's own words to Brett earlier this week have been living rent-free in her mind. It’s not like she and Evan haven’t talked about this thing. They have. But those conversations have tended to be short, and mumbled against seeking lips or sighed against slow hands.

Or, a little fluffy story in which Evan and Violet talk about it like it's a thing. Post 10x14 "An Officer With Grit".

[justoneofthoseghosts]

Hawkami for sure! 63 and 77

Everybody Knows/Mistaken for Couple + In Vino Veritas

Hawkins makes more and more appearances at Molly's and it always seems like he's looking for one particular person. Ritter's noticed it. Brett's noticed it. Heck, even Severide's noticed it. They all just assume that he and Violet are together because there's a lot of stolen glances when they think nobody's watching, like a lot. It was even worse than Brett and Casey before they got together!

Then there's Stella's bachelorette party at this swanky club downtown and Foster is there dishing out tequila shots. They have a lot of fun and yes, get very, very drunk. Violet's tongue loosens up and she just tells them everything that has and hasn't been going on with her and the Paramedic Field Chief. She's so inhibriated that she decides it's a great idea to leave a voicemail for Evan. Stella, Foster and Sylvie do not stop her. All of them think it's a fantastic idea (and this may or may not have something to do with the bottomless pitchers of margaritas).

The next morning, someone is knocking on Violet's door and it's like they're pounding on her head playing Iike the drum line at her old high school. Tequila shots - never again! She grumpily gets up and yanks the door open to find Evan on the other side with a cup of coffee and pastries, a small, tentative smile on his face.

[b-radley66]

Lines I Loved Writing

From an upcoming longfic for Chicago PD and a couple others fusion. NOTE: Pre-Hawkami:

Violet looks like she’s going to argue, but takes a good look at his face. Adam sees her eyebrow go up, then a slow smile comes over her face. Sylvie looks as if her eyes are going to pop out of her head at the noticeable softening. “I’m Violet,” she starts. “Looks like three pistol rounds. Kinda odd, since the call said automatic weapons fire.”

“Yeah. We heard it. They shot up the outer office. Mostly the computer equipment out there.”

“I’ll talk to him, Miss,” Nathan says. Violet nods, narrowing her eyes at the salutation. She pats Thornwell’s chest, making her partner shake her head.

Welcome to my world, Adam thinks. I don’t know if he’s an asshole with moments of charm or charming with moments of asshole.

[cfparamedics]

Chapters: 5/5 Fandom: Chicago Fire Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Evan Hawkins/Violet Mikami Characters: Violet Mikami, Evan Hawkins, Original Male Character(s), Original Female Character(s), Firehouse 51 Crew Members (Chicago Fire), Sylvie Brett (Mentioned), Wallace Boden (Mentioned), Emily Foster (mentioned), Randy “Mouch” McHolland (Mentioned), DC Hill (Mentioned), Darren Ritter (Mentioned) Additional Tags: Minor Injuries, Minor burns, Injured while helping people, Fluff and Smut, Mild Sexual Content Summary:

Just as Violet is pulling out of the ambulance bay at Chicago Med her mobile pings with yet another message from Evan. She knows it’s from him as he has his own personalised ringtone and message chime (which he set it while adding his personal number to her phone after the CFD gala). She ignores it, her partner Rose (from third shift) asks

“Are you sure you don’t want to stop and get that? Isn’t it Evan?”

[cfparamedics]

Had me in absolute tears 😭 really miss Hawkins and Hawkami, but live the female bonding 💔

Nightmares, Healing and New Beginnings

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/ogCNW0K

by Mustangty28

In the weeks after Hawkin’s funeral, Violet has a nightmare about him while Stella has a nightmare about Severide and both women try to deal with their nightmares in their own ways. Later Stella, Sylvie and Chloe pay a visit to Violet and the three women all help Violet with coming to terms and healing from the loss of Hawkins.

Elsewhere, Boden asks to meet Severide and both men talk about the changes that have happened at Firehouse 51, the losses they’ve had and the possibilities of the future. Boden then ends up giving Severide a surprise offer.

Words: 4025, Chapters: 2/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Chicago Fire

Rating: Not Rated

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply

Characters: Kelly Severide, Stella Kidd, Sylvie Brett, Violet Mikami, Chloe Allen, Wallace Boden, Kylie Estevez

Relationships: Stella Kidd/Kelly Severide, Evan Hawkins/Violet Mikami, Sylvie Brett & Violet Mikami & Stella Kidd, Wallace Boden & Kelly Severide

Additional Tags: Processing Grief, Nightmares, Female Friendship, Reminiscing, healing from grief

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/ogCNW0K

[darling-stay-with-me]

The amount of tissues I went through watching the episodes... i am surrounded by them - literally every single scene with Violet - instant tears

It is no secret that I am not happy about this storyline and think the writers are very dumb for not letting Evan and Violet be another new lead couple.

HOWEVER, despite all of that, Hanako's performance this episode was amazing. I liked the way that they showed her going through grief. Her getting up and saying to herself 'okay', then opening the curtains seeing a gorgeous day with people out and about then closing the curtains, going back to bed and crying. Then the slow steps of getting out of the house even if it was to sit in a hospital.

I really appreciate that they had Severide and Violet to have a bond now. Severide talking about Anna and how he got through that. Sererides analogy of the boat floating with nothing anchoring it was 10/10 - very accurate description to anyone that has ever felt loss.

The smile Severide had when Violet came back to work and heard Ritter, Gallo and Brett hugging her and welcoming her back.

The scene where Violet talks to Severide about how to keep going on with this emptiness inside. THAT SCENE HURT.

That final scene though with the patient. FUCK ME I WAS IN FLOODS OF TEARS. Her talking about Evan and how special he made her feel etc. While I wish it was an actual scene I do love that they took that the picture was legit instead of photoshop or an obvious promo picture - it looks natural and super adorable. The way the patient started to comfort her while she was talking about Evan just fucking broke me into a million pieces.

I am super pissed about this storyline and i am devastated that we have lost Hawkami.

I am just gonna need fanfics and super cute fanedit to help me through this grieving period.

[timelessloveandpoetry]

I officially need the steamy ending of the hawkami date please and thank you fanfic writers

[certainlybyitslast]

Chicago Fire 11x3

I came to Chicago Fire last year after following some fans from the Keenler world (The Blacklist). That ship broke with the absolutely gutting murder of the main character in the finale. It was heartbreaking and unexpected. I casually starting watching Fire here and there. Then Hawkami caught my eye. And suddenly I found a new ship, a new show, a new obsession, and a new muse (lots of fanfic).

I cannot believe it, if they actually killed Hawkins off. What is it with TV storytelling anymore? Emotionally investing and then destroying fans isn’t noble, smart, or wise. It is careless and cruel.

Hanako was brilliant. I am sorry fans will now leave the show without Hawkami.

UPDATE: I couldn’t sleep. My stomach is in knots. So many fans will be in a fog of shock and grief today. I need someone (Jimmy, Hanako, Derek, or Andrea) to come forward and give us something to process this tragedy.

[xofeno]

Are you invested at all in Hawkami? I absolutely love them, they give me those good fanfic feels (“Why did you make me fall in love with you?” “Are you really here?”) but I haven’t seen many people discuss them tbh.

They're cute. I'm not super invested, but I do like them.

I have seen a lot of love for them in the fandom though. Especially last season. Probably this season too, I just haven't been paying as much attention to the Fire fandom this season. Been a little preoccupied over here. 😅

[sylvies-chen]

Hawkami + you took the time to memorize me ✨

the fact that when I saw you chose a taylor themed prompt list I literally screamed btw. Now im like 100x more excited than I usually am

Hahahaaa I knew you’d love the prompt list and honestly, I don’t blame you. Taylor prompts are the best!! Anyway, hope you like this one xxx

•••

She gets injured during a house fire.

Violet’s going about her business with Sylvie, doing triage at a house fire, when they get clearance to go in the house. The fire’s been tamed for the most part and there’s a victim who fell down the burning, decaying wooden staircase and so they head in to transport the victim out. It’s not every day they have to walk into the scene of the fire, only when the rest of 51 can’t get the victims to them. Going in is scary, especially since she’d have no idea how to fight off the fire should one rise again, but it doesn’t matter. The place has been cleared, so she and Sylvie tredge forward through the back door to find the victim.

It also means, however, that Violet has her guard down. She goes ahead of Sylvie, walking underneath the landing of the second floor as she walks down the hallway, and the overhead bannister snaps. There’s a crack and a thud and a scream from Sylvie. “Violet, look out!” But before Violet can even register Sylvie cry, or even develop any sense of urgency, the massive chunk of heavy, wooden bannister comes crashing down on her, a piece of the railing hitting her square in the back of the head as she falls forward.

She’s just barely conscious after that, her vision blurred and her brain completely fuzzy. The disorientation annoys her more than it hurts, because she hates being so confused and having no idea what the hell just happened to her. She can hear Brett’s stern yet frantic voice giving out orders, can feel her friend’s hands checking her pulse, asking her questions she can only mumble vague responses to.

“Her pupils are reacting slow,” Sylvie realizes as she flashes a light in Violet’s eyes. “She’s got a pretty bad concussion at the very least, we need to get her to Med. Stella, I’ll need help with the stretcher.”

“You got it,” Stella replies. “Gallo, grab the end there.”

“O-ok,” he stammers, grabbing the end as they take her out. When they get outside (and Violet can tell because everything get super fucking bright and a sharp pain shoots through her head that almost makes her pass out) they run into Hawkins. Her Hawkins.

Immediately, he runs over, panic striking his tone as he cries out, “What the hell happened?!”

“She got hit on the head by a falling bannister,” Sylvie explains.

“What can I do?” He asks frantically.

“Just keeps her awake and ride in the back of the ambo. You’ll know what to do if something happens.”

“Right, okay,” he exhales, then turns to ask, “Just hang in there, alright? You’re going to be okay.”

“Mmm, m’fine,” she tries assuring them, but her words are mumbled together and her voice is hoarse. She feels Evan’s hand hovering over her head and feels affection for him swelling in her heart.

“Ritter, Gallo, do either of you know if she’s had previous concussions? They’ll want to know when checking for brain injuries,” Sylvie tells them.

“I don’t know,” Ritter shrugs helplessly.

“M-me neither,” Gallo stutters again.

“She had a concussion in middle school while playing voleyball,” Evan informs them abruptly, and as soon as he does all eyes turn to him.

He remembers it? Oh my god, she thinks, he actually remembers it. She told him that story weeks ago on their first official date, and he still remembers it now. It surprises her in all the right ways.

Even Violet herself tries opening her eyes, fighting the urge to pass out in order to keeps her eyes on him, soaking in every detail she can as a distraction from the faintness. His wild hair from the chaos of the call, his nervous face like he’s been caught saying something he shouldn’t have, the sweet concern in his eyes. Even the crooked tie of his uniform. Memorizing all of it is the only thing keeping her from slipping into that dark void of unconsciousness. And in some sense, she realizes he’s been memorizing all the intricate parts of her too.

“How the hell do you know that?” Gallo asks. The rest of 81 raises their eyebrows, awaiting an answer.

“I, uh…” he clears his throat, trying to give them an answer that won’t expose them. She and Evan haven’t exactly disclosed their relationship to all of 51 yet, and even though she’s too hazy and out of it to really be annoyed by the slip of his tongue, she knows it’s going to be awkward for him to have to make an excuse. “She just told me that once.”

They all know there’s more to the story, but they let it slide for now and focus back on getting her in the ambo and to the hospital.

“You remembered the story,” she mumbles groggily to him once they’re alone in the back of the ambo and Brett’s whirling through traffic.

“Yeah, of course. But it would have been nice to know ahead of time that it was a story no one else knew. Now there’s no way they don’t think we’re together.”

“I’m sorry,” she pouts, even with her eyes closed. “Some stories are just for you now. You’re going to have to get used it, darling…” she tries teasing but her voice trails off as she begins to slip away, sinking into unconsciousness slowly but surely.

“I think I can manage that,” he says with a sweet smile and flushed cheeks.

It’s the last thing she hears before she’s knocked out cold.

[babystaygold]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Chicago Fire Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Evan Hawkins/Violet Mikami Characters: Evan Hawkins, Violet Mikami Additional Tags: Domesticity, I am Hawkami trash, Evan loves it when Violet talks nerdy to him, Sex, Smut, a little bit of fluff to balance out the porn, Established Relationship Summary:

“Y’know, they sell sourdough at the grocery store for a few bucks a loaf. Remind me again why we’re spending our Sunday together in the kitchen and not in my bed?” Evan glances at her out of the corner of his eye as he pours himself a cup of coffee, a crooked smirk tugging at his lips. Admittedly, he loves how domestic their relationship has become. He loves seeing her in the mornings, he loves having her toothbrush and shampoo in his bathroom, he loves her clothes slowly taking up more and more space in his closet. He loves her.

(or)

Violet ropes Evan into helping her make sourdough bread. He gets handsy, things get spicy.

[justoneofthoseghosts]

Anger Born of Worry and Married to the Job -Hawkami

I can see this when they're in an established relationship and Violet becomes PIC at 51 once Brett moves on to being an ambulance commander. Sure, she's been PIC before at 20 but 51 is a whole other ball game and she wants to do everyone proud so she throws herself into the job so much more, creating a new inventory system for the ambo (consulting 1st and 3rd shifts of course), bonding with her new partner, getting to know her better and making sure they could get through a call without stepping on each other's toes. She's so into it at first that Evan is very supportive - that is until she spends time after shift still going through ambo and PIC stuff when she doesn't need to. He doesn't intend to blow up in anger at her but he's super worried that she's barely sleeping, wanting to get everything right, waking up at 3 in the morning, remembering how she wanted to research this one thing. He tries to understand her and tries to use his experience to coach her too, to tell her that it's okay to make mistakes because there's no better teacher than experience.

Violet calms down after that and Evan jokes about how she's not allowed to drink red bull after 5 pm anymore.

Send me a fanfic trope mash up ask!