#Having apple pie and pizza with your friends should be the end goal and baby I'm already there and that's why the haters can't win

[st-dionysus]

Had like 8 beers last night, after the movie ended we started talking about cults that people have been in, also transsexual politics and Italian feminism.

[oftenderweapons]

Apple Of My Pie (6) — Jin

A Small Town Swoons story

Chapter 6.

Pairing: Kim Seokjin x reader (nicknamed Buttercup)

Wordcount: 3.8k

Genre: non-idol!AU, Baker/Café owner!Seokjin, University student!reader Flatmates!AU, Friends To Lovers; angst, very little fluff

Rating: suggested 18+ for future smut and swearing

A/N: Hello my cupcakes! Welcome to the Small Town Swoon Universe! 🥰✨

In this episode: Jin and Buttercup have been apart for a while. Both mourn for their separation, Buttercup nursed by the attentive care of Jeongguk and Yoongi, while Seokjin prefers dwelling on his feelings in solitude. In the deepest darkness, some sense finally sheds a light, thanks to the words of an unexpected ally. 

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Swearing. Both jin and Buttercup are underfed, which leads to a sense of coldness and numbness, fatigue and haziness that are mentioned in the fic. 

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Enjoy ✨💜

Navi: Chapter 1 — Chapter 2 — Chapter 3 — Chapter 4 — Chapter 5 — Chapter 6 — Chapter 7 (7/7)

He missed you.

He missed you a lot.

He missed you waking up at two am to raid the kitchen. He missed hearing your laugh from across the apartment while you watched something.

He missed hearing you ramble on and on about literature in your own room as you studied your lessons, he missed breakfast together, he missed waking up at two pm after a night shift and having late lunch together after you came back from your lessons. He missed making you hot cocoa, watching films together, having dinner, talking about boring stuff.

He missed you.

He had been missing you for two weeks now, and soon they would become three.

Nineteen days. In a few hours he would have to handle one more Saturday dinner alone, one more Saturday night without watching a film with you on the sofa. And then another Sunday morning when he would cook too much food and end up bringing it to Taehyung.

Nineteen days.

That’s how long you had been missing.

And every time he came back home, one more piece of you disappeared. Your toiletries had vanished on that unfortunate Sunday. That inglorious, tragic Sunday, when he was still too confused to understand the end had started.

On Monday, the first few books were gone; your currently reading novels, usually abandoned on the coffee table, had disappeared.

Next your blanket, the one his granny had gifted you for your first Christmas away from home. That was on Tuesday, with some more books.

The emptiness he had prayed for ever since he had decided he needed to fall out of love with you was slowly conquering the apartment. The same emptiness, once a welcome feeling in his mind, now manifested in his heart as a slow, ruthless strangling, the one where you know exactly what is happening, and you feel every cell of your body oppose, fight for oxygen, like a person clawing at the offender’s fingers tightening around their throat.

He felt like he was drowning, inch by inch, unfathomably.

He rang the door bell.

A disturbingly sweet scent of tuberose met his nostrils. He flinched.

“Hi, come in!”

“We can order in some pizza or I could make pasta. Or risotto.” Jeongguk sat beside you, stealing your book and putting it down. “You need to eat, Sweets.”

You shook your head. “I���m okay, I’m just not in the mood.”

“Just a little, come on. Make me happy.” He begged, looking at you with those eyes that made it impossible to deny him.

“Okay. Just a little, though, I’m really… Not okay.” You admitted, snuggling up next to Bibby, his torso pillowing your head.

He scared you with a sneeze before you both settled down again. The dog had become your shadow, following you everywhere, as if he could sense your deep need for affection and support.

Jeongguk nodded. “Can you handle a baby pizza? We can eat the leftovers tomorrow for breakfast,” he mused, letting you know it was okay even if you didn’t finish your food.

He just wanted you to eat.

You were cold all the time, your teeth always clattering, your body so weak after days of eating the very minimum to stay alive and studying.

In the last few days you had even given up on attending university, your friends and study buddies sending you the recordings of the lessons. One of your teachers had even noticed your absence and Lara had diligently made up an excuse, saying you had caught a bad flu and that you were slowly recovering.

“Lemme call the pizza place.” Jeongguk cupped your cheek, studying your face, so pale, your eyes, so tired.

You nodded.

Jeongguk sat up and called. “Hi, it’s me. Yeah, can I have a baby Margherita in ten? I know, it’s Friday and rush hour, just a baby Margherita… You’re the best. Yes, I’ll bring you candies. Go to work. Yeah, bye.”

You blinked a few times, quite surprised at Jeongguk’s relaxed tone as he talked to the person on the phone.

“It’ll be here soon. Why don’t you rest your eyes a little. You need that, Sweets.” He reminded you.

He could be so apprehensive, so caring and observant.

He seemed to know everything, the same way Jin did. Still, you were far from feeling for Jeongguk the things you felt for Jin. It felt like that path you had walked to Seokjin would never lead you to Jeongguk, though you had considered.

It wasn’t a matter of food, or time, or affection or care. It was something deeper, deeper than attraction and spending time together and laughing at the same jokes.

It was as if your soul didn’t feel at home in his space, like it could never inhabit his body the way it inhabited yours. Or Seokjin’s.

You closed your eyes.

“Good for you.” Jeongguk said, fixing the blanket around you, adding an extra one for your feet, knowing that they always got cold.

“She’s sleeping.”

“Does she sleep a lot?”

“Quite a lot, yes.”

“Did she lose weight?”

“Yes, definitely.”

“Does she eat, even just a little?”

“When I’m around, yes, but I’m not usually home for lunch. I’m pretty sure she eats breakfast and dinner. Very little food, but at least she eats.”

“That’s reassuring.”

“Yoongi, she’s trying.”

You could hear some voices from the kitchen table, but you refused to open your eyes. You could recognise them with your eyes closed anyway.

Spice’s voice appeared. “I bet she’s exhausted. He looked bad too. They’re hurting so bad, both of them.”

“They had chances, Spice. They turned them down. Maybe they’ll learn the lesson.” Yoongi said coldly.

“Not everyone is like us, baby. They’re taking their time.” Spice calmed him down.

“They won’t have forever.” Yoongi objected with a slight growl in his voice.

Jeongguk stared as Spice brought an arm around Yoongi’s shoulders, pulling him into her chest. She knew it was his history making him speak with so much anger and tension. “If it doesn’t happen, then they’re not meant to be.”

Yoongi relaxed a little. “If they aren’t, then I don’t know who is.”

Spice shook her head. “They’ll work it out.”

Jeongguk placed his head against his hands. “She’s just freezing cold, all the time.”

“You mean her body temperature or her mood?” Yoongi questioned.

“Her temperature.”

Yoongi tutted. “Give her more sugars. She needs fruit and honey and chocolate. Keep those on the coffee table so you can keep them in check, see if she eats.”

“Sure thing.”

“Has she seen him?” Spice asked, still holding Yoongi’s hand.

“No. I don’t think so. Lara tells her when he’s at the bakery so she can go home and get what she needs.” Jeongguk replied.

Yoongi breathed heavily. You could tell it was him by the way his exhale was drenched in exasperation. “That man. He will drive me mad. He’s so stupid.”

“He has a girl—”

“Which in my opinion he should have never had.” Yoongi commented.

“It’s his choice, Yoongi. He fucked up. I’m here for her.” Jeongguk objected. “I’m her friend.”

“You had feeli—”

“I had them. In the past. You know how this works, Yoongi. How it works for me. She’s never been it. I’ll know when the right one comes.” Jeongguk stated, as determined as ever.

“Then learn the lesson from that fucker and when she comes, tell her what she means to you.” Yoongi said, squeezing Spice’s hand in his.

“I’ll tell her so much she’ll get tired of it.” Jeongguk affirmed with the solemn tone of promises.

Spice squeezed Yoongi’s hand in return. “We never get tired of hearing that.”

Yoongi’s eyes met those of his lover, friend and partner. “We never do.” He said, like a whispered secret to his beloved.

Jeongguk smiled at the exchange. That was his goal. Finding something like that, like what he saw between his friends, right in that moment.

“Should I wake her?” He asked, musing about your situation.

Yoongi got out of his bubble and replied quickly. “Yes. Try keeping her close to a proper sleeping schedule. Her body is spread thin right now, so she’ll need naps, but don’t let those last too long.” The man instructed. “If it doesn’t get better in two weeks, then we’ll need to get proper help. You know there’s not much I can do since I’m connected to both. I cannot be professional about it.” Yoongi explained. “I have a uni colleague who practices and who could help her, were this to continue.”

“Thank you, Yoongi.”

“All cool, kid. Text me when she’s up. Tell her to call me if you see she’s ready.”

Jeongguk nodded, “I’ll have her call you.”

“Yeah, just don’t force her,” Yoongi replied, standing up and wearing his coat. “Spice and I will be out of town next weekend. Just so you know.”

Jeongguk smiled, “thank you for telling me.”

“Wake her and feed her.” Yoongi said, walking to the door, Spice following him closely. She watched as Yoongi’s eyes looked for your sleeping form. “Tell her we love her a lot. That she needs to be strong and healthy to explore the woods with Joon and to help us with spring pies.” Yoongi shook his head. “Maybe ignore the pies.”

Jeongguk nodded. “Joon will bring her to the cottage soon. I’ll be having a busy week starting Monday.”

“Great. See you, Gukkie.” Yoongi said, finally ready to leave.

From the smell of coffee and leather, you felt what could only be Spice’s hand touching your face. “Stay safe, baby.” She told you, still thinking you were asleep.

Underneath all those layers, Spice was a sweetheart, after all. It made your heart clench.

“Bye Guk.” She said, shortly before you heard the door close.

He sat beside you and Bibby. “Open your eyes, Sweets. You need to eat your dinner.”

You pouted and stretched, sitting up. “I’m going to the cottage?”

“Namjoon will pass by on Sunday to pick you up.” Jeongguk said, incapable of hiding some envy. He wanted to go to the cottage too. It was beautiful to see how much a day can make a difference in the woods in spring.

You nodded, already comforted by the thought of sharing some time with one of the people you respected and trusted the most, in his lovely cottage, among his plants and paintings and books. It was the most healing place in the universe. “Can I have some pizza?” You asked, sniffing at the inviting scent in the air.

Jeongguk smiled at your question, significantly happy with your request. “Of course.”

“How are you? Did you sleep a little?” Grace asked, getting a glass of water and some biscuits for Seokjin.

He smiled at the young woman but sneered at the food, almost hissing. He felt ready to throw up his guts. He felt disgusting.

“Not much.” He said, rubbing his arms. He felt so cold.

Grace shook her head. “You should eat.”

Seokjin looked out of the window, the orange afternoon sun hurting his eyes. Two more hours. Saturday dinner alone. He tried to find the words, the right words.

He realised there weren’t any.

“I miss her, Grace.” Jin placed his elbows on the table and planted his forehead against his palms. “I miss her too much.”

Grace nodded and stood up. She walked to the window and stood there, with her back to Jin. “Everyone. Everyone in this town knows. Everyone.” She paused. Seokjin waited. She didn’t speak with anger or sadness. She simply spoke, like one who knew.

“Everyone knows about you and her, about how perfect you look together. But she didn’t even consider you. You always cared for her, but who cared for you? Who made breakfast and dinner and the laundry and the cleaning for you?” Grace seemed upset now. “She never made a move, though. Everyone knew, but sometimes only one person really, actually knows.” She turned around. She had a small smile on, a bitter one, maybe. “Because you weren’t hers, I made a move. And I never expected you would take me into consideration, all the girls — and the boys — who have tried never succeeded. How would I?” Again she paused. “But I did it. Somehow.”

Seokjin nodded. “You are a great person, Grace. You’re smart, kind, beautiful. And you’re dedicated, and I was attracted to you since the first time I saw you.”

“But I’m not her, am I?” She said, so gentle; the kind of gentleness that you use with strangers, to keep them at a distance.

“You’re not her, and there are pros and cons to this, just like for any other people.” Seokjin replied politely.

Grace nodded as she paced back and forth. She grabbed a biscuit and she ate it unhurriedly, still pacing, chewing it slowly.

“I tried to move on.” Seokjin explained, “but maybe I’m not ready.”

Grace bobbed her head. “Fair. After all I could be only a carer.” She admitted. “I think I took pity on you, but never truly loved you.” Her expression looked sad but honest.

Seokjin pursed his lips. “We both deserve better than dull pity, may it be giving or receiving.”

“I thought pity would suffice. We could be great friends and then grow into something more than that. But some friendships don’t evolve like the one you have with her.” Grace sat down in front of her guest. Her boyfriend. Soon to be her ex.

Their time together was coming to an end, each second inevitable like the ticking of the clock.

“I hope you don’t feel insulted, or disrespected.” Seokjin confessed, his tone of voice extremely apologetic.

“We both got into this with the wrong intentions. I think we both deserve the best and we clearly will not get it from each other. You need her, and I'm just a detour on your way to her—”

“Please, don't think that I didn't care about you.” He said, with so much pain in his voice. He was so disappointed in himself.

“I know you cared. Maybe you still care, but I know you wouldn't be here if she were an option.” Grace said, her voice honest, a bit harsh maybe, but with no suffering or aggression.

“Don't think I chose you because I couldn't have her. Among several options, I still chose you, because you were the one I liked the most, because I could fall in love with you. And I still like you, but I didn't fall. And I'm not sure that will happen.” Seokjin spoke with transparent unequivocality.

“It would be stupid for us to continue down this path. We would just lie to each other, unless we accept that our relationship will be based on fondness and nothing more.” Grace explained clearly.

Seokjin pouted. “We're too young for fondness.”

“We are.” Grace agreed. “But you need to tell her, Jin. You must tell her. You're hurting for a separation you could have absolutely avoided. At least, if you have to suffer, do it for the right reason.” Grace had a clarity in her that Seokjin had come to respect. He knew someone would love it someday. Someone would take care of her and cherish her and adore her and worship her with her gifts and imperfections. Someone could even love the scent of tuberoses that always lingered on her skin.

“I think we're ready to say goodbye.” She mused. “Although I would love it if we could still be friendly around each other. I don't wanna say 'let's stay friends' because that could be hypocritical of me right now, but I think I'd be very happy if we could still say hi and chat at the bakery when I stop by.”

“I think I'd be proud to call you my friend, when you feel ready for that. Still, you don't have to do that. I understand I hurt you—”

“No offense, but you didn't hurt me. I already knew what I was getting myself into. I think I've always known you would never be mine. A part of me was ready for this to happen and I think that's what's keeping this from being hurtful or insulting or whatever. We have been clear from the very start.”

“I wasn't clear about her.” Seokjin's eyes watered. He felt like he didn't deserve Grace's mercy and understanding.

“Anyone and everyone could tell. You were clear with anything but words. Plus I knew, and still I let it happen.” Grace took Seokjin's hand in hers. “It's not your fault. You're not alone.”

He didn't know when it happened but somehow he was crying, weeping like a baby, sobbing and sniffling.

Grace rose and walked to his chair, standing behind him, placing both her hands on his shoulders, rubbing them energetically. “You’re gonna be alright, Jin. Just go and fix all this mess with her. Talk to her please or I swear I'm gonna hate you. Don't make all this pain useless.” The young woman hugged him and kissed his head. “Stop telling yourself you don't deserve her. Stop being paranoid about her turning you down. Have you ever considered her giving you a chance?” She spoke with a soothing tone, something that he knew would make her a great mother someday. He could see himself kicking his own butt and begging Grace to take him back, were he ever to learn how to love her.

However, a part of his brain told him that loving Grace was something he could never learn, just like he never had to learn how to love you.

“You're one smart, beautiful woman, you know?” He asked, patting Grace's hands with his. “I hope you get someone who can love you the way you need.”

Grace nodded. “The same to you, dear. Now go get your lady or I'm going to castrate you.”

He squeaked out a teary laugh before standing up. “Are you okay with me hugging you?”

She smiled and nodded.

The embrace held for maybe half a minute before she whispered 'go, quick', like her gut was telling her something.

Seokjin smiled before winking and running out of the building.

You were grateful for the umbrella. You knew that soon the light drizzle would become a full storm and with all your heart you hoped you had enough time to carry your stuff to Yoongi’s pub, Ginger’s, and save yourself from the rain.

You were eager to get your stuff ready. All you wanted was for it to be Sunday already, for the energy of the woods to restore your soul and offer a safe haven to your mourning body.

You wanted the slightly damp spring days, the blossoms on the trees and the light green new leaves. You longed to see the lawns become once more verdant, filled with daisies and the frolicking of bees and butterflies.

However, for now you were stuck in the cold, humid weather, not a hint of spring in sight.

With a slight pout you entered your building, climbing the stairs in a path you could walk with your eyes closed.

The keys indented your skin uncomfortably, your hold too tight.

You slipped the right one in quickly, trying to make the errand as brief as possible.

Once you entered, you took off your shoes. You didn’t want to stain Seokjin’s floor, especially considering how he always took care of it, spending extra time in treating the hardwood boards with special products to keep them glossy and vibrant in their splendid maroon colour.

You completely avoided looking at the kitchen, walking to your room and finding the last bag of clothes resting on the bed, still made with three-week-old sheets. You wondered whether it was a good idea for you to wash them, but once you were reminded you would be gone for a whole week, maybe more, you shook your head and went on with your tasks, cleaning up your desk once you noticed the dust on it.

Your tiny bookcase was halfway empty, the only things left some old books you read during your first year and tiny trinkets.

A can of cherry coke from your first trip to the lake with the guys; a tattoo Jeongguk had designed for you a long time ago, waiting for you to finally find the guts to get it done; granny’s recipe for her special apple pie; a picture of you and Seokjin at the bakery’s fiftieth anniversary, a small buttercup flower dried and pressed into the framed picture; another photo, this one from your birthday, the guys surrounding you in a group hug, and Seokjin staring from the distance, his eyes glimmering with something your mouth will never speak.

You were slowly spiralling into despair when you heard the door unlock.

Dread grabbed your insides and twisted them tight, your hands unconsciously snatching the bag, switching off the lights before you tried to run out of your room, hoping it was just a projection of your exhausted brain.

It wasn’t.

There, on the entry mat stood Seokjin, drenched head to toe.

You stared at each other for a second.

“Hi.” He said.

He looked a mess. “Are you alright?”

He bent forward, his hands on his knees, his chest heaving with laboured breathing as he shook his head.

He knelt on the floor.

He shook his head some more.

You stood paralysed in front of him.

“I could use a friend.” He whispered, right before you dropped your bag and fell to your knees right in front of him, pressing his face to your chest. “You said you would never leave me alone. You promised.” He sobbed, hugging you to his body. “You promised.” He repeated, your clothes getting wet as they touched his.

“I’m sorry Jinnie. I’m so sorry, honey.” You replied, tearing up yourself. “Come in, let’s get you warm and dry.”

He refused. “Don’t go.”

“I’m not going, Jinnie. Come in.” You spoke softly.

“Swear on your cocoa that you won’t leave.” He required.

“I swear on the cocoa, now please come in, I don’t want you to catch a cold, Jin. Please.”

Reluctantly he followed your lead.

“You should get changed.” You said, cupping his cheek as the two of you stood one in front of the other.

His skin felt too hot.

“I don’t want to get you out of my sight.” He said, hugging you again.

You were both drenched by now. “We both need to get changed.”

He pouted. “You get in the bathroom. I wait outside. I can get changed while you’re in.” He said, sure that you were too smart — and too lazy — to jump out of the window.

“I won’t run.” You said, trying to reassure him.

“What if you change your mind?” He insinuated with an accusing, hurt tone.

You gave up. “Okay, I’ll get changed in the bathroom.” You conceded, grabbing your duffel bag and walking in the room, closing the door behind you.

You changed quickly, trying to show him you were invested in staying as little away from him as possible.

“I’m ready.” You called, waiting to open the door. You didn’t want to see something you weren’t meant to.

“Yes, you can come out.” He said.

As you opened the door, the first thing you noticed was his bare chest, wide, immense before your eyes.

You averted your gaze as he slipped on a sweater. He hugged you again. “I’m cold.” He murmured.

Your heart couldn’t handle that. “Let’s get on the sofa.”

“I don’t have a blanket anymore.” He said, looking at you with eyes so big, so lost and emotional.

You shook your head and entered his bedroom, grabbing his comforter carelessly. “Let’s go.”

He smiled and followed you, sitting down and dragging you onto his lap.

“Seokjin.” You reprimanded, thinking of the last time you had seen him.

“What?” He asked, fixing the covers around the two of you, holding you so tight you almost couldn’t breathe.

“What about Grace.” You said, not even a question, just a distant, unemotional statement.

“No more. I left her, Buttercup.” He said, nuzzling his nose into your hair. “I left her.”

You smelled so good.

You always smelled so good.

He kissed your neck. You tasted good too.

“Jinnie.”

“We’ll talk in the morning. I just need to sleep next to you. Please, Buttercup.” He begged, so tired and so adorably undeniable.

“Let’s sleep then.”

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Navi: Chapter 1 — Chapter 2 — Chapter 3 — Chapter 4 — Chapter 5 — Chapter 6 — Chapter 7 (7/7)