#Haven’t you learnt not to trust what feels 'right' by now????

[microclown]

I miss when I could listen to an episode of TMA and not be completely emotionally eviscerated afterwards

[katerinaaqu]

Survivor's Guilt and Survivor's Duty (P1)

Odysseus was hungry. That much he knew. Gods were really cruel with them the days that went through. He had returned from yet another hunt without any success. Not even a single rabbit was visible to Helios’s island. He was already feeling weary and light-headed with hunger; which was why he thought he was hallucinating when he smelt the finest smell of roasting meat he ever met in his life. However it took him no more than two brain cells of his infamous mind to connect the dots and realize what had happened.

“No! Gods no, let it be not what I think it is! Please gods no!”

His legs grew wings as he began sprinting towards the direction of the smell.

“Why did you lull me to that pointless sleep?! Why! It was all to ruin me? To ruin them?!”

He ran with all the strength of his feet to the field only to find what he hoped in all gods he believed in to be a hallucination. He saw what remained of his men from that eventful 3 year journey having lit a fire and roasting a fine cow to the pike, happy and well-fed. In the past days his men just broke. They could withstand hunger no longer and understandably they had only one source of nutrition on that island; those fat, well-kept cows that seemed to be mocking them. Of course his men would do that! Odysseus could not blame them and yet he pulled his long hair in desperation seeing the scene.

“ARE YOU ALL MENTAL? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MINDS?!” he yelled desperately drawing their attention, “I told you not to do that! These sacred animals will be our doom!”

Eurylochus, his trusted commander came forward. His eyes were full of snare and gathered anger.

“Captain,” he started, “did you expect us to starve to death? Not even one little bird was flying around and all the grass in this place turned poisonous for us! We would die anyways! This time we were doomed either way!”

The loud voice of the furious man was cut off from the sound of flesh striking against flesh and then Eurylochus’s head turned to the side. Odysseus was huffing and puffing; nostrils flattering aflame as he gathered his strong hand back.

“You fools!” he growled tears burning his onyx eyes, “you damned fools! This was a test! A test for our faith and we failed! We failed miserably! Haven’t you learnt anything? Insulting the gods is never a good idea! We should rather die of starvation than this! The gods will show no mercy on us now! We are doomed!”

“You would know of that!” Eurylochus suddenly bellowed beyond himself, “You doomed us all, Odysseus! If you haven’t done that we would be in our country by now! These three years happened because of you!”

This time it was a punch that stroke his cheek, not a slap. Eurylochus fell on the sand but he had no time to breathe for Odysseus grabbed him by the shirt lifting him up to his feet again. The comrades rushed there to grab him (oh they remembered his rage the other time nearly cost Eurylochus his life!) however Odysseus was almost as unmovable as a statue at that point. His face was red with fury.

“I tried to save us all!” he yelled, “Ungrateful bastard, I tried to save us all! I faced the beast that could have eaten us all! After everything I did for you! I-…”

He stopped. He shivered from top to bottom. Eurylochus was right. All had happened because of him. He had insulted Poseidon by blinding his son; he was arrogant enough to brag about it…no, even further back; Troy fell because of him. So many men died because of him. Ten years they fought a brutal war; they had endured the weather, the living conditions, the battles… More than 600 men started and finished the war with barely any loss…and now…less than 3 years out in the sea and… They started 12 ships and now they were one…less than 40 men left in one final ship…and all was initiated because of him…he could not deny it. He found no words to defend himself. Gradually he let go of Eurylochus, who wiped the blood off his lip with his fist. He noticed his men had gathered around to separate them from each other but it didn’t seem necessary anymore. The comrades had let him go, noticing he was almost limb in their arms. His onyx eyes were bottomless. No, it shouldn’t end like that! He had committed hubris to save his men and he doomed them, he had forced himself to bed a woman for one year after gods requested to rectify it and yet here they were again. None of the sacrifices seemed to be enough to wash that sin away. No, he couldn’t let them die like that! He had to try! He had promised he would repent! He had to save them before that happened!

“Gather up your stuff, men!” he ordered, eyes still shadowed by his hair, “We must go as soon as possible!”

“Go?” Polites asked, “Go where?”

“At ANY land!” Odysseus whispered, “Anywhere but here! We must offer a sacrifice of some kind! We must wash away this hubris!”

As he turned his back at them –oh he couldn’t face them now!- Eurylochus stood up and looked at him with eyes resembling knives.

“Should we take the rest of the meat too…Captain?” that word was almost spat like an insult, “Or shall we hope Poseidon will grace us with a meal?”

Odysseus winced. Eurylochus; his brave and loyal friend; the type of person that sure, didn’t tell him always nice things but he was always honest with him and always told him some things that needed to be said; now he seemed gone; All their adventures and torments had hardened him, killing his old comrade and giving him  in his place a bitter, hateful man who could understand no longer the difference between insolence, disrespect and honesty or couldn’t care less to tell them apart. Odysseus couldn’t blame him but at that moment he found his transformation disturbing and concerning. He glared daggers at him. The mention of the meat of the slain animals made even his mouth water. He was hungry too. They wouldn’t survive without food and yes, Poseidon sure wouldn’t allow them to fill their bellies with his fish given the situation and the sea birds even if they graced them with their presence, which he doubted, were inedible and poisonous. Gods forgive me, he thought, but I am just a man!

“Damn you!” he cursed under his husky breath, “Take what you wish! If we survive this, pray to all gods that I will forget this because by all gods one day I’m gonna kill you!”

He could hardly remember the process but he knew they were on their way again; so fast and so hastily inside their last black ship in the openness of the Mediterranean Sea. If it was in his hand, Odysseus would have stayed close to the shore but of course gods were cruel for yet another time as Helios’s magnificent isle lay in the middle of open sea. He had no choice but to head for the sea and hope for the best. He knew there were lands close by; if they could reach them… For six days the trip was uneventful and his comrades had as provisions the meat from the slain animals to feast upon. Even Odysseus had to admit he had tasted the magnificent flesh of the animals, for he could withstand hunger no more. However six days of such a trip and he was always expecting the worst, which never seemed to be coming. His nerves just broke. It was the seventh day of their journey; still no sight of any land and still he hadn’t spoken a word. He was staring at the endless blue of the wine-dark sea and he didn’t speak a word. He could sense his comrades’ tension in the air; he could almost cut it with a knife! And yet, Odysseus could not focus on that. Polites looked up from the deck towards him and then towards Eurylochus who still had his cheek swollen.

“He’s so lost in thought…” Polites commented

“He should be!” Eurylochus replied bitterly, “He might be our king but sometimes he has a lot of nerve to talk to us that way! It was HIS hubris that brought us to this position!”

“Now that is both unfair and blasphemous to our king!” Polites replied

“He is no god for me to perform blasphemy!” Eurylochus replied as a matter of fact

Polites sighed.

“We have our own share of responsibility, you know! If we hadn’t opened that damned sack we might have reached home as well!”

Eurylochus winced at the reminder of Aiolus sack. Yes, that truly was their mistake. They got overcome by greed and distrust.

“And, besides, what Odysseus said is true. You and I were never there. We didn’t experience the week of seclusion in that hole. Perhaps we would have done the same…”

Eurylochus sighed defeated.

“Yeah…perhaps you’re right. And he DID spend a year entertaining Circe till our comrades healed… However…” his face darkened a bit, “I still cannot shake it off, Polites! It is majorly his fault we ended up like this! And he DID keep secrets from us. Or have you forgotten how he kept his mouth shut about Skylla? Six of our comrades dead…and we didn’t even know what was coming…”

“He wanted to spare us…”

“Yeah I am sure he suffered, alright, but we still had the right to know! Perhaps we could have come up with a plan together. Perhaps we could have fought back!”

“Fight back an immortal six-headed dragon? I am not sure how that would have worked but…even if you are right and he should have told us, that doesn’t change the fact that he is here with us now. If he wanted he could have stayed with the witch, Circe and sent us off and we would have no directions and no warnings.”

“He didn’t do that for us, Polites”

“Not entirely, I agree, but wouldn’t be fair to say that he did it for us as well?”

Eurylochus sighed.

“Fine, but seriously it was such a long trip and even longer way… I just want to go home!”

“We all do…” Polites whispered concerned.

Yes, ten years of war plus three years of wandering and danger…more than five hundred good men dead… Everyone could understand the feeling.

“I agree with Eurylochus, though…” said another man, “It was all a big mess that initiated when Odysseus insulted Lord Poseidon. I had warned him that day! I said, stop provoking him! He didn’t listen… We are all paying the price now…”

Polites sighed. Yes, he couldn’t deny that but still it seemed rather unfair to say it was just Odysseus’s fault. If anything, Odysseus was sacrificing many things along the way to protect and save them. He shivered in disgust remembering that he was told he had turned into a swine because he entered Circe’s palace. He felt grateful to Odysseus for rescuing him from such a fate. And yet… He still couldn’t shake that ominous feeling that something would happen and Odysseus’s silence wouldn’t help. Not bearing it any longer he slowly approached Odysseus. He didn’t acknowledge his presence. The silence was deafening. Only the cricking of the ship and the sound of the waves could be heard. There was no land at sight anywhere. It was quiet…WAY too quiet…

“Odysseus…” Polites started, “we…”

“Sh!” Odysseus harshly shushed him

“Please, I have to say it…” Polites insisted, “We were starving we made a mistake but-…”

“Quiet!” came yet another whisper

Polites gulped soundly, opening and closing his fist nervously.

“Odysseus…” he started, “Have we ruined everything…?”

Odysseus looked at him and he seemed ready to reply but then he raised his head sharply towards the sail and then to the ripples of the waves. All color left his face.

“Odysseus…? What is it…?”

“That is Eastern Wind…” Odysseus whispered almost in a panic, “That is Zephyr that is blowing at us! That’s not normal! Not at this time of year!”

He almost jumped from his standing point, suddenly seen afraid maybe for the first time in a long time if not ever in his life before.

“MEN! PREPARE YOURSELVES! STORM MIGHT BE COMING!”

His comrades didn’t have enough time to question if he lost it or not (given the clear skies around them) because in a few minutes the weather changed so drastically and rapidly that people could only suspect a god was causing it. Black clouds filled the sky in a matter of a few minutes and then suddenly the distant sound of a thunder was heard.

“No…” Odysseus whispered, “No…please, lord Zeus no! Forgive us…please!”

Strong winds raised as a matter of seconds and suddenly the deep blue sea turned into a full-fledged storm. The waves rose in angry white foam and the skies were black like coal with flashes of lightning and thunder. Rain followed that was cold and whipping their faces like needles. The men cried out in fear.

“EURYLOCHUS!” Odysseus bellowed on top of his lungs, “SECURE THE SAIL!”

“SECURE THE SAILS!” Eurylochus transferred the order, “ALL HANDS ON DECK!”

The panic galore was not allowing the orders to properly pass however the soul of the sailor cannot be abided by panic! All hands on deck began to work frantically; they commenced running up and down grabbing the chords and the lines, some of them already climbing to the mast to secure the sail. However it seemed the rage of gods was stronger than the determination of men and their burning wish for survival. A strong current of wind torn the sail to peaces sending quite a few falling on the deck.

“LEAVE IT!” Odysseus yelled as a strong wave splashed over him, “BEFORE THE WIND! HOLD ON TIGHTLY MEN!”

As the ship was played around on the waves like a toy, the terrified warriors and tired sailors would be desperately trying to use the rows to turn the ship; do something, ANYTHING to prevent themselves from crushing on the waves. The sail was now torn to shreds; like the cape of a dethroned king, aimlessly whipping against the mast at the strong wind.

“BEFORE THE WIND!” Odysseus kept screaming over the wind, grabbing the line of the sail in a desperate attempt to keep the material from hitting anyone on deck, “ROW MEN! ROW!”

The ship was being pushed mercilessly upon the waves; creaking and moaning against the wind. Three pairs of rows snapped like twigs leaving the ship spinning aimlessly to the winds. The black ship began to tear apart as cracks and gushes appeared to the sides. The deck started taking water both from below and above from the waves.

“SHE’S TAKING WATER!” one of the sailors cried

“REPAIR THE DAMAGES!” Odysseus cried out in desperation running as he was already ankle-deep in water, “WE MUST KEEP HER AFLOAT!”

It was a pointless order and he knew it. No matter how many times they stuffed torn pieces of the sail in the holes it would be pointless. They were already soaked to the bone, they had no way of lighting fire or softening the wax to fix anything. They were just trying to delay the inevitable and they were failing miserably.

“Lord Zeus…father of all mankind and gods please forgive us!” Odysseus prayed again, “Please, we shall repent! Give us a chance! Poseidon! Oh, Poseidon, please give me a chance!”

The disturbing creaking of wood being slowly broken didn’t need much for Odysseus to understand.

“WATCH OUT!” he cried out

Both the fore-stays of the mast snapped like twigs. The mast began to fall in a disturbing creak and collapsed to the stern. The pilot did not have time but to look up at his upcoming doom as the mast crushed him. Even above the tempest the men heard the disturbing sound of bones breaking as his head was crushed and blood splattered upon the stern. The body fell into the black sea, lifeless and soulless. At the sight of that death there was panic galore. No one heard the orders Odysseus was screaming; no one had any mind but to run up and down aimlessly like ants that were seeing their colony collapse. All they could do was scream their upcoming doom. In a foolish hope or rather a crazy need to survive, Odysseus rushed to the half-broken stern, grabbing the remains of the steer; his hands being died with the blood of the pilot.

“No! No! NO!”

He used all the strength of his mighty hands to do something…ANYTHING to steer the ship away the storm. His hands began bleeding out of the effort upon the splints of the destroyed wood.

“Gods no! Not again! No! No!”

The waves were raising the ship to the heaven and dropping it back down like a walnut shell as people were holding for dear life at the remains of their already tearing apart ship. The steer snapped in the hands of Odysseus and fell into the black sea never to be seen again.

“PREPARE FOR IMPACT!” Odysseus cried out, “HOLD ON!”

Therewith the worst came; a thunderbolt stroke the ship and the sudden flash and tremendous sound left them all blind and deaf. Odysseus screamed in pain shielding his ears. The ship cracked from side to side down in the middle; splintering in the winds like it was a pile of leaves. Ears buzzing and his nose filled with smoke from the fiery fire that lit upon the sad remains of the deck, Odysseus staggered to his feet, struggling to get two steps straight, trying to see through the sulphurous smoke (the only thing he could see was his comrades or what was left of them staggering on the ruins of their ship like drunk) when the last tidal wave came to finish the job. The wave must have been as tall as the remains of the ship as it flooded with tremendous force on the deck sweeping everything…and everyone! Odysseus got violently banged against the hull but he watched in terror through his cloudy from water eyes his comrades falling into the water screaming aimlessly for it was the only thing they could do.

“NOOOOOO!” Odysseus could only cry out as he ran to the rim

He watched the bodies of his men almost like small white dots to the absolute blackness; already almost a mile away, sometimes disappearing under the waves at the force of the tempest. Odysseus nearly lost the remains of his wits as he ran about the ship trying to find literally ANYTHING he could use. Another surge torn apart parts of the keel and the mast snapped from it. Odysseus reacted almost automatically as he rushed to the broken ropes and parts of the keel and mast. His hands and thick fingers began working frantically, almost completely unconsciously as water was hurting his eyes and rain was feeling as if piercing his flesh. All his Being was screaming for him to save himself; to survive! However that tiny part of his brain was tingling to him; maybe there are some men who are still alive! Maybe there is time!

“Please Athena! Please Athena…let me save them! It can’t be too late!” he was mumbling as he was securing the ropes so that the two pieces of wood would tie together, “Please, Pallas please! Let me save just one! Please! Let me return home just one! Please! Please! It can’t be too late! I can’t lose them all!”

Yet another thunder from the skies made him jump and then the remains of his favorite ship were torn apart! Odysseus grabbed upon his last raft of salvation. He jumped into the merciless ocean, rowing frantically with his hand towards the direction he saw his men disappear.

“EURYLOCHUS!” he cried out over the waves, “POLITES! ANYONE! ANSWER ME!”

The only answer he got was thunder and wind. The waves were tall like mountains!

“POLITES!” he called out again

Tears filled his eyes as his voice broke.

“SOMEONE!...P-Please! Anyone! Anyone…!”

There was nothing on site…just waves and storm.

“No…” Odysseus cried, “NOOOOOOOO!!!”

Realization was crueler than what he would expect…there was no one…just himself! He cried…he cried loudly as he never cried before.

“NOOO! WHY! WHY! WHY!” he yelled over the waves, “IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME! IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN-…”

His mind and wits nearly escaped him. He remembered that day before their sail for Troy…there were more than six hundred men…waiting for their dangerous trip…

*

Odysseus was standing before his men; the future fleet that was ready for this uncertain trip. Odysseus, dressed in his fine clothes, his long hair neatly brushed and beard trimmed, was looking at them seriously.

“We are heading for a dangerous trip, my men…” he said, “The road is long and we have no idea how long it will take for us to finish with the holy castle of Troy… If we result in war…there is no guarantee it will end soon…”

His onyx eyes stared deeply within countless others of pairs.

“I cannot lie to you, men…I cannot promise you that we shall all return home safely”

He drew a deep breath.

“However I promise you this; I shall do ANYTHING within my power so we can return home safely! I won’t disappoint you!”

*

Back to the present Odysseus cried. He weakly hit his fist upon the mast.

“No…” he sobbed, “I won’t disappoint you…!”

Six hundred men…they were all gone…disappeared… He began hyperventilating. No, it couldn’t be true!

“No…No, Athena! No Athena!” he cried trying to fist the water beneath him as if it were sand, “No, Pallas…! No… No, my men…! NOOOOO! NOOOOOOOO!”

He yelled till his throat was sore…till his voice was gone…he sobbed and cried tears almost as plenty as the waves of the sea. The storm was roaming around him… There was no one there to hear his lament… His voice was carried around by the wind…his tears were washed away by sea and rain…His body was borne by the direful winds…

Six hundred men had started that fateful journey…

Now there was only one…

Now he was alone.

*

The tempest began slowly to subside and the eastern wind gave his place to a breeze from the south. Odysseus was hanging helplessly upon his supposed raft. The nightly fight with the waves had exhausted him and his tears had long now dried out like the salt in his curly hair. His head was already dropping in fatigue when something made him look up. His eyes widened in terror.

“No…” he whispered

He recognized the location. In his pure terror he recognized the narrow path of Skylla and Charybdis; the passage he had struggled so much to get his men out of; the passage that cost the life of six of his comrades. What was worse…he heard an unworldly moan from deep down the sea. His feet felt the low frequency vibration…and then there was a whirlpool. Charybdis had awakened!

“No!” Odysseus cried out, “No, gods, no!”

The merciless current and the frightening groaning from deep down the sea started drawing him. Odysseus at the edge of his wit began frantically rowing with his hand; desperate in his fear to get away from the deathly current that would suck anything to its path! At that moment he remembered Circe’s warnings;

“You must not be there when she sucks it down; for no one could save you from the ruin not even the Earthshaker himself…”

“I HAVE TO TRY, CIRCE!” Odysseus yelled towards the sky in his panic, “I have to try or else my men’s deaths were for nothing!”

The merciless current though wouldn’t bulge as Odysseus realized in terror his pitiful attempts could never save him from this hellish force. The two pieces of wood that were forming his only salvation were being dragged in the ruthless elix. The water was already foaming when he reached the grotto. In panic he scanned the perimeter. Only then his eyes remembered what his brain had erased in fear; the fig tree! Circe had said there was that fig tree shadowing Charybdis! The massive roots and branches were hanging over him; it was his only hope! With strength only panic and adrenaline could give him, Odysseus pushed himself on top of the last remains of his ship and kicked as hard as he could. He had only one chance. His wounded and red hands grasped for dear life onto the rough branches and thank goodness his fingers closed around them!

“ARGH!” Odysseus cried in pain feeling as though his arms would be uprooted out of his own weight, “GODS!”

His legs helplessly hanging over the abyss were desperately moving trying to find a footing but there was none! His arms didn’t have the strength to pull him up at the tree either so he could only hang and hold for dear life. Odysseus dared to look down and saw in terror the gaping hole sucking in the sea and with it his only safety raft. His wet hands would slip and fall if it weren’t for the sheer determination that held him! He prayed to all gods that he knew and didn’t know that this time, just this time, he would find salvation; that his small raft would be vomited out of that whirlpool otherwise he would be lost… The growling rumble from beneath the watery abyss signaled the begin of the outside movement to what it seemed like an eternity later.

“Please gods…please…please…” he was thinking like a mantra

And then he spotted it! The small brownish outline of his mast and keel. He would have a chance! Fear was biting his stomach as he looked down at the whirlpool vomiting out seawater. He knew he had to act quickly or he would have no hope to swim to his raft in that condition. Charybdis below him seemed ready to swallow him even if she was vomiting out the water. What if she really swallowed him if he let go? What if he would be destroyed by some wave? Odysseus looked and looked and the seconds seemed like eons to his tormented heart that was flattering within his chest. He shut his eyes closed; to not see; to not fear and he made his decision

He let go of the branch.

Gravity claimed his body as he fell to the empty space and within the foaming water. The water was hot; hotter than human body temperature and to the tormented king of Ithaca who was freezing from water that seemed like a boiling cauldron. His ears were filled with the sound of bubbles and the hellish growling of Charybdis. He didn’t dare to look; only he paddled like his life depended on it (and it did!) . The suction force that was pushing him upwards this time was with him. Odysseus felt his lungs burning for air and he nearly breathed in the sea water as he hadn’t got a proper breath before diving in the sea. And he was pushed up and up till he was vomited out of the water and drew a soundly breath. He swam frantically till his raft and grabbed onto it with his wounded hands for dear life coughing salted water; nose and eyes aflame from the salt. He rowed and rowed with his hand almost immediately after he caught some breaths. He turned around towards the OTHER dreadful site.

“If Skylla comes out…I’m lost!” he thought

However the dreadful cave that hosted the monster that claimed the lives of six of his crew remained dark and silent. Nothing came out. Odysseus wasted no time and rowed and paddled like crazy to get as far away as possible from that dreadful area. He didn’t know how far Charybdis or Skylla’s ranges were but he certainly didn’t want to know! That was knowledge that even Odysseus of Ithaca, the Man of many Ways could pass on! After what seemed like a full eternity and when the sun was setting for good at the horizon, Odysseus had covered enough distance to see the grotto from afar. He collapsed onto his mast, drawing raspy breaths till his chest began to hurt. He seemed he had no more strength to move. His hands were full of wounds from the ship and the tree branches and hurt from salted water, his lips were torn from the sea and salt had crusted onto his face and hair. Then Odysseus broke down. He cried silently alone in the middle of the sea; he cried for his men he lost, he cried for his dreams that seemed to becoming fainter and fainter; the dreams to embrace his wife and son and he cried for himself. He had barely any hope to survive. He had no men; sea had claimed them. He had no vessel; the storm had claimed it. He had no food or water; those were gone long time ago. He barely had any clothes on for even those were soaked and already tearing apart from the wind and sea. What was the point to keep going, he thought? What would be the point to struggle? He had slim to no possibilities to escape. He was alone in the open sea without protection in Poseidon’s territory. Any kind of sea creature from the usual sharks till the dangerous creatures he faced so far, could potentially kill him.

“I should have died there!” he thought, “Alas this fate is worse than the death in the ship! This agony! Oh, gods I can’t bear it anymore!”

“You are made to endure, Odysseus…”

That was what his grandfather had told him when he visited him in Parnassus what seemed like an eternity prior; almost in another life. However even the tormented Odysseus had his limits. And now these seemed surpassed. Maybe he should let go; allow the sea to take him and end his torment. Maybe he could meet his family in a few decades in the underworld… Why struggle for the inevitable? And yet a small voice to the back of his head made him think that he could not give up just yet; that he had to keep trying and if the sea would claim him then so let it be written, so let it be done. However he had to try and fulfill the prophecy of Tiresias. He felt like he owned this to the 600 lives that were lost under his command. He looked up at the stars that seemed to have started to form. Yes, he would follow the directions that the night dress of Nyx was pointing at. Finding strength anew, the Man Tormented paddled slowly and steadily away from the dreadful spot…

*

Odysseus traveled once more; this time alone and grabbing upon the last remains of his beloved black ship… The night came cold and he was shivering. By the morning another storm caught up with him and his mast was once more drifted by the huge waves that resembled white top mountains, tearing apart his clothes and his flesh. And yet his hands endured… It was as if his heart and hands combined turned into oak or stones. The Man of many Torments endured. Next day the sun was merciless over his head, sending him almost to the brief of hallucinations and heat as sweat was running down his already wounded body. The night the gods felt pity on him and sent a drizzle rain. Odysseus raised his head to the heavens trying to grab as much of the fresh god-sent water as if that would be enough to quench his insatiable thirst and the burning of the salt. Once a passing seaweed came close to him to which Odysseus made some sort of imitation of a meal for himself. How many times he nearly slipped off his life-raft he lost count…how many times he probably actually fainted on it he could no longer remember. And yet, the King of Ithaca endured…in strength that he had no idea he had. It was as if both his body and spirit had decided he had a duty to survive. He survived the agony and pain as well as the anxiety and fear every time something touched his foot beneath the waves or a passing fish would bite his legs. He had long stopped feeling much.

By night before the tenth day of his painful journey he had collapsed. He didn’t feel the sand beneath his body as his raft finally beached at a sandy beach. He didn’t move as some crab or beach beetle walked over his sea-beaten body. By dawn some hints of his consciousness returned. It was only for a brief second that the rays of sun touched his salt-crusted cheek but Odysseus saw or at least he thought he saw a tall slender figure picking something up from the beach many meters away from him (maybe a seashell). The figure turned towards him and walked there.

And then everything turned black…

~~~~~

Ooookay guys this the first part from my Odyssey story! Poor Odysseus loses everything and gets beached in Ogygia.

Rhapsody 12 must be the most intense or one of the most intense of all the Odyssey and honest the way that Homer describes how Odysseus survived had to be kept as it was from my part!

Poor Odysseus must have passed from all the stages of grief at once!

Now I get extremely inspired by music and soundtracks for my stories. For example the Charybdis description was heavily inspired by the amazing Disney soundtrack for the movie "Dinosaur" with the title "The End of Our Island"

For his eventful journey I was partially inspired by Mozart's "Kyrie" from the Great Mass in C Minor and also the scene from the film "Les Triplettes de Belville" for the battle with the elements especially the storm and all.

For the sinking itself I was inspired by various soundtracks and pieces of music.

For my story I kinda take the hypothesis that Ogygia was in fact the small island of Gozo in Malta

As the other time I shall tag some of my amazing commentors/rebloggers and friends! (again forgive me if I forget anyone)

@loco-bird @aaronofithaca05 @tunguszka20 @doob-or-something @jarondont @prompted-wordsmith @simugeuge @fangirlofallthefanthings @ilov3b00kss0much

[ebrysteria]

Temptation

Kang the conqueror x (fem) reader

SUMMARY: you found Kang a while back when his ship crashed, you offered to help him and you've now known each other for months. You go out to try and seduce someone for an important part to fix it but he cant help but get jealous even if its just an act... Warnings: Smut 18+, wrap before you tap, jealous Kang, understanding of feelings, fingering, unprotected PnV (be responsible guys), giving into temptation

Note: So I went onto tumblr and searched for Kang fics and there were none at all?! I decided to write my own but this is my first ever time writing so please let me know if you enjoy it, I might make a part 2 and comment any suggestions on what you want me to write next.

———-

Nothing much surprised you down here anymore. It was all the same really. Landing in the quantum realm 20 years ago had changed you. Your way of living and scavenging to survive.

Most of the civilians weren’t that bothered by your arrival but many were sceptical. They were scared of an outsider being in their realm and many didn’t trust you. You couldn’t blame them though as you would feel the same if someone with no resemblance to you at all suddenly started living in your own home.

You got used to your way of living, you learnt how to hunt for food and supplies. You’ve been through a lot and have seen nearly twice as much.

But what you haven’t seen since you arrived was a ship come crashing down from the outer world. Naturally you were curious grabbing supplies just in case whatever it could be was dangerous. What you didn’t expect was it to be a man, around the same age as you.

He didn’t look like most of the people in the realm, he was different. He had deep scars running down each side of his face, travelling all the way just to the top of his plump lips.

He stood by his ship taking in his environment as you watched him, he seemed annoyed? Angry? You weren’t too sure. You didn’t know his motives so you decided to just observe.

“Damn you idiots, I’ll be back you can’t keep me here forever” he mumbled to himself whilst staring down his ship. It was smoking and in bad condition. It barely even looked like a ship with the state that it was in.

A loud screech emerged from in front of him, whatever it was was obscured by his body but you caught a glimpse of blue creatures lunging themselves at him.

You quickly aimed your blaster at the things, praying you wouldn’t accidentally hit the man. You quickly shot the creatures off of him rushing over.

“oh my god are you okay?” you asked offering your hand to pull him up.

He eyed you quizzically while dusting himself off.

“just about, thank you” he grabbed your arm as you pulled him up.

“I saw your ship come crashing down, I didn’t expect it to be a human from the outside world. You are human right?” You looked him up and down.

He wore an armour that consisted of purple and blue colours. Well what was left of the armour, it was damaged, torn and practically falling apart. Whatever happened to him must have been hurt.

“Yes very much human” he smiled chuckling slightly. “Why? Are you not human yourself?

You grinned at him, loosening the grip you had on your blaster slowly placing it in your blaster holder on your hip.

“Yes I am human, most inhabitants here aren’t, they all speak their own language and most were born here unlike us”

“Unlike us?” He said looking you up and down.

“Well yes I wasn’t born here, I broke open a gateway when experimenting with time. I didn’t expect to end up here.” you said quietly, you didn’t speak much of your past with anyone. If they knew what really happened you’re life would be over. “Besides, it doesn’t matter now I’ve gotten used to the way of living in this treacherous hell hole” you gestured to your surroundings as he looked around.

He didn’t look too surprised with his surroundings, he looked more uncomfortable. Then you realised you were still out in the open when any more threats could arise by the minute.

“Yes well this place isn’t on my bucket list of places I would like to visit” he looked back at his ship, crouching down next to it. He pulled open a panel and smoke puffed up into his face. “God damn it”

“What’s wrong?”

“My ship, it’s broken and I can’t power it. If I can then this would be my ticket out of here.”

“Wait you’re saying that thing can travel outside realms?!” you were shocked, no one had technology that advanced except from the people you worked for before your life got turned upside down.

He got back up turning to you.

“Well yes if it was working”

You looked around, it wouldn’t take too long for you to make it back home on foot. You don’t usually accept strangers into your home but he was human and you felt empathetic for the man

“hey the place I’m staying at isn’t that far from here, do you want to come with me just for tonight. I have a spare room and food. It’s just something to get you back on your feet before you figure out what you’re going to do next” you suggested. It would be nice to have some company as living alone for 20 years hasn’t done the best for you. It was a lot safer than staying somewhere with the other inhabitants but the isolation got painful at times.

“Thank you I appreciate it, I don’t even know your name yet

“My name is Y/n” you said whilst turning around beginning to walk. He quickly began trailing behind.

“Okay y/n lead the way”

“Aren’t you going to tell me yours” you said stopping turning around to raise your eyebrows.

He extended his hand outwards to you.

“Kang”

You reached for his hand, it was soft and he shook gently it.

“Well it’s nice to meet you Kang” you said softly smiling.

——————

Turns out it wasn’t just one night.

He happily accepted his room and you got used to living together, it had been 6 months since he had moved in. You decided to help him repair his ship agreeing that he would help you out of here as well and during this you two got closer. You often went out to the market to find spare parts while he helped you around your home. He cooked you wonderful meals and if you didn’t know better it seemed as if he cared for you. You managed to extend your living space to accompany the two of you. The only thing you really had to share was the bathroom as you only ever had one considering you weren’t used to living with someone. But it wasn’t a problem. You both had your own schedules and you worked well together.

You stared at yourself in the mirror humming. Tonight was important. There had been one particular piece for his ship that was very rare to come by and Kang was beginning to feel hopeless when you told him that material like that was unlikely to come by in the quantum realm but you had heard through the market-place that a man named Quaz was actually in possession of some. You planned to speak with him tonight. You didn’t want to say you were going to seduce him but you were determined to get the piece for the ship as it was unlikely you would ever have an opportunity like this again.

You ran your hands down, smoothing out your white long silk dress. You wanted to be humble but you did look good. There was never really much reason to dress up in the quantum realm so it felt nice to have some sort of normality in your life. You hand came up to the dainty necklace that hanged from your neck fixing it into place. You gave yourself one last look before opening the bathroom door.

Kang stood just outside the door and when the door opened he was shocked. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from you and how your skin looked exposed by the dress. You felt him drag his eyes down your figure. He quickly looked back up and went to open his mouth but he quickly closed it shaking his head.

“Where are you going dressed like that?” he asked demandingly.

You were taken aback by his tone. You thought you looked good.

“I’m going to the bar, I found some good news on that impossible piece you needed for your ship. I was going to tell you but you were busy fixing your suit and I didn’t want to disturb you”

His eyes softened staring at you. It made you blush slightly.

“You- You look good please be careful” he said reaching out to run his hand down your arm.

“I always am careful you know that, this could be our chance to get out of this place, I shouldn’t waste time because we could lose our opportunity” you quickly rushed out leaving a quick kiss on his cheek and left the house.

He froze and stood there shocked. He feet were rooted to the ground. That shouldn’t have done something for him but it did. He couldn’t stop thinking about you in that dress, how thin it looked. How easy it would be to just pull it off your shoulders. He needed to calm down.

“Get a grip” he mumbled to himself walking into the bathroom.

As he washed himself in the shower he couldn’t stop thinking, no one else should have the privilege of seeing you like that when you're out. And what if they tried to make a move on you? Or hurt you? He wouldn’t be there to help you. Every bad thought went rushing through his head until he decided he was going to go the bar to keep an eye on you. Just to keep you safe. Right?

—————

The place was busy. Busier than usual. The dance floor was filled with swaying people and flashing lights making you feel a little energised as you think back to all the enjoyable nights you’ve spent here in the past. Typically you enjoy this type of stuff. But tonight you only had one goal.

Get the piece.

You move further into the bar, looking around for your target. You have a gun hidden in your dress so if anyone tried anything you were prepared. You looked around with caution until your eyes fell on a man, slightly younger than you drowning himself in ooze. You were never a fan of the drink, maybe because the last time you were forced to drink it to be able to communicate.

You were getting distracted just staring at the man so you moved over and took the high seat next to him. He eyed you as you ordered.

“hi can I have whatever the handsome man next to me is having” you said flashing him a short and sweet smile.

He gave you a drunk smile back, running a hand over his face shuffling closer to you.

“I must say I haven’t seen you around here before, I would’ve remembered a pretty face like yours” he said extending his hand “my name is Quaz”

You took it gently shaking it, lingering it slightly longer to get him interested. You gave him a made up name not wanting anything being traced back to you. He admired your dress.

“That’s a nice dress you’re wearing”

You blushed at the compliment, flirting back with him. What you didn’t realise was a certain someone coming into the bar staring at you from just beside the crowd.

---------

He didn’t know if it the fact your target was flirting with you or if it was you flirting back but jealousy began to spread within him. He tried to remain calm, reminding himself you are free to do what you want with your life but Kang couldn’t stand it. They way some random man moved closer to you, making you smile like that. It should’ve been him. Not some disgusting drunk man obviously only trying to get in your pants. He clenched his hands trying to ground himself. Seeing you two laughing together. It felt wrong even if it was just flirting.

It was worse when he saw the man begin to make advances on you. Resting his hand on you, carelessly stroking the outside of your thigh. Every time he rubbed his hand across your smooth delicate skin he felt the heat, anger and possessiveness within him getting worse. No one but him should be seeing you in this dress. You looked beautiful in it sure but it should be reserved for his eyes and his eyes only.

-----

It turns out that he doesn't keep the piece hidden at all; instead, he stores it in an ordinary old bag at his home. You almost got him where you wanted him; you joked with him in an effort to learn as much as you can about the piece. It was so simple that it was hard to believe.

"So… do you want to go out of here?" He asked softly, bringing his hand higher to the inner part of your thigh.

All contact abruptly vanished, and you swiftly turned around to see him being pushed off of you and onto the ground. Kang gives you a short glance before tightly grasping your waist.

"You touch her like that again and i wont hesitate to kill you" he spat quickly putting a bruising grip on your wrist dragging you out of the bar.

"What the hell are you doing! I almost had it! We could've gone home!!" you yelled trying to shake out of his grip.

He didn't budge staying silent, continuing to pull you along with him until you arrived at your shared home. He harshly slammed the door shut after you both walked in.

He stares at you intensely looking at you up and down almost as if he's contemplating what to say.

"Stop ignoring me and tell me what's wrong, you literally just dragged me out of there with no explanation whatsoever" you questioned first.

"Did you not see that guys hand literally touching you all over?! Its ridiculous I should've punched that smug smile off of his face"

"It was part of my plan!" you scoffed, you couldn't believe he was jealous after you literally told him you were going to get the piece.

"The piece isn't worth that much" he mumbled looking anywhere but you. He seemed- embarrassed?

You walked closer to him "I cant believe you ruined it because you were jealous"

"I am not jealous"

"sure seems like it"

He moved closer staring at you more intensely than before "I cant believe you were going to whore yourself out just for some stupid material"

"What the fuck!! I wasn't going to whore myself out" you said, quickly pulling your dress up slightly to show him the gun you had strapped to the side of your other thigh.

He just stared at your flesh for a moment. Before slowly reaching forward to remove the gun from its holder. It was only then when you realised how close you were. How you could feel his breathing as he looked down at you. It sent hot shivers within you, the warmth spreading like some sick disease. It starts in your stomach and spreads throughout your body - a hunger, a hunger to feel him, closer, that the hunger and heat transcends within you in an unexplainable way

He clicked the gun out and then threw it on the couch. "you could have gotten yourself killed" he whispered leaning down slightly lower. Your breath hitched. His eyes darting downwards as you licked your lips, you could feel a pair of warm hands rubbing over your sensitive skin of your thighs just below where the gun was, moving upwards gently.

That's when he realised what he was doing, dropping your thigh creating some distance between the two of you. "look we will find another way to get the piece okay, just go to bed now its late" he quickly muttered storming off to his room without another word.

You felt hot all over, a part of you wishing he never stopped touching you. You rushed to your room quickly closing your door thinking about what just happened. The way his hands gripped your leg so gently as if you were the most delicate thing in the world, the slight hunger that seeped into his eyes and he traced small circles along your flesh. You wondered what happened if you continued. It was making you begin to feel wet and you knew you had an attraction towards him but you never knew he could be that...

…sensual

----------

He briskly shut his door rubbing his hands over his face. What the hell was he doing. Touching you like that. He almost gave in. Temptation was getting the better of him. He wants to scream at the top of his lungs, his whole chest constricting with the thought of him calling you a whore. He couldn't believe himself. But God the way you looked at him, the way you stood so close to him all would have to do is move an inch and he would have kissed you. claimed you as his, he wanted you so badly. watching you work for him everyday, determined to fix his ship. He wasn't aware that he was falling for you, but he ought to have seen the warning signs. The fact that he went out of his way more to be nice to you than he has for anyone else. Making sure you returned home safely, sneaking out to punish everyone who had ever upset you, ensuring that your favourite meals are prepared, and bringing you back to bed if you accidentally nodded off on the couch at night.

He should've kissed you then and there.

He got out of bed and began heading to your room...

----------

You keep thinking about the tension between the two of you, he couldn't leave you feeling like this otherwise the heat will swallow you whole. Pulling yourself to your feet, you swiftly get up and swing your door open.

Kang was on the other side, wide eyed, unblinking with his hand half raised in a fist as if he was going to knock. He stared down at you frozen on the spot.

He gazed at you with an intangible nature that is impossible to describe—a sense of learning something new, a revelation. Perhaps it was a knowing look but you didn't seem to care under the intense stare that he had you under.

"What do yo-"

And as you were about to inquire him you were abruptly cut off as he brought you into a searing kiss by cupping your face with his warm, soft hands and making you gasp into his mouth. You eagerly accepted the kiss, gripping onto him as he pushed you further back into your room.

He hurriedly pressed you against the wall to your right and shut the door behind him, his hands frantically and needily roaming your body desperate causing you to whimper in pleasure. He seems to never want to let go of you as he holds you between his arms, up against his chest, and against the wall. He makes it a goal to kiss every square inch of your face, imprinting every detail of it in his mind.

He lets out a moan as your nails scrape his back on his shirt, the flex of his muscles makes you blush and begin to lose balance from the lack of oxygen of him kissing you breathless, and he's ready to take most of your weight when the kiss gets heavier, deeper, your tongue frantically searching as he holds your face, never wanting to let you go.

"I couldn't stand it" he mumbles moving to the side of your neck trailing his plump lips teasingly, "i couldn't stand the way he was staring at you in this dress" his hand comes up to trail behind your back, pushing you further into him as he began to nip kisses into your neck and travelling lower to your collarbones causing your breath to become even more laboured. You felt him slowly tugging at the strings at your back of your white silk dress. "All i could think about was pulling it off in front of everyone and showing them who you really belong to" finally releasing the strings from the back causing the front of your dress to falter slowly revealing your breasts. "I would've made them all jealous making them know none of them can have you. None of them can make you feel the way i make you feel," he said then he quickly sucked on your nipple causing you to let out a soft feral noise.

"God those sounds you keep making are so pretty, keep going. Just like that" he encouraged looking up at you from your cleavage as his hand gropes at your breast. He moved his other hand shifting it down to the lower part of your body to cup you, a wet spot forming on the fabric covering you from his fingers. You whimper as he pulls your panties aside to reveal your beautiful puffy lips that are drenched from your want for him "Keep making those sounds for me" he whispered into your chest as his fingers dipped and found your clit causing your head to tilt back.

"Fuck Kang.." you whimper loudly again and he came back up to capture your whimper in a strong kiss. He traced your pussy lips with his fingers before thrusting one of them in causing you to release a loud moan. He kept pumping in and out of you adding a second finger and your whines kept getting louder and louder. You were getting so close, legs beginning to shake, your walls tightening around his two fingers as he curls them inside, making your back arch. You realised you were closer than you thought. He must have known because he removed his hand completely, placing it on your waist dragging you away from the door.

The back of your knees caught at the end of your bed as he gently pushed you onto it while removing the rest of your dress leaving you almost completely exposed to his hungry eyes.

"My god you are so beautiful" he said against your lips. In a tangle of limbs he began removing his clothes. You ground against him above you causing you to rub him enticingly. He let out a needy moan, gripping onto your hips harder as he used one hand to undo his zipper.

“Please don’t stop…” you begged, and the hand clutching your waist squeezed your flesh in an reassuring way that told you that he wouldn’t.

He couldn’t. Not when you tastes so good and sounded so angelical. Not when he needed you so bad. He had been dreaming of this for months. 6 months of pure torture of the need to be inside you and be claimed as his.

"You see what you do to me? Do you know how hard its been for me to try not to be tempted to fuck you senseless when you sat in the chair of my ship when you were fixing it.

You sat up eagerly helping him pull down his zip and rubbing over his covered crotch causing him to groan as he leaned forward into your neck to leave darker marks. “Don’t you know the power you have over me?”  he groans again.

You gradually begin pulling down his pants and you become dizzy off of want from the root hairs that slowly begin to get exposed with the rest of him, it cause something dangerous inside of you to stir as you wrap your hands around him. Like an inextinguishable fire that could only be put out by him.

He releases deep, grave gasps when he bucks his hips into your hand and his sloppy lips land on back on yours as if whispering a silent prayer.

"I need to be inside of you" he moans softly against your lips pushing you back down removing your panties completely. He continues kissing you with so much passion and desire. Its been so long and he's scared that if he stops he will awake from whatever dream that is possessing his senses in a crazed manor.

He began lining himself up with your entrance and looked at you for confirmation, you nodded quickly as he gripped your hand pushing above your head against the mattress.

Slowly he began pushing inside.

You sobbed in response to the sensation, reaching out for his back with your free hand and scraping your nails against his skin as you felt the sting of pain that accompanied the pleasure. Your back arched and he leaned into you moaning.

"You feel so good. Fuck.." you moaned tilting your head back further into the pillow.

He removed his hand from yours and gripped your waist plunging into you further making your eyes roll back.

"I want you to remember the way that I'm fucking you right now, no one will ever fuck you the way I do will they?" he smirked from above you.

You nodded back frantically biting you lips creating them all wet and swollen.

"Use your words love" he said while brining up a hand to clasp your chin to make you look at him. He saw the hunger in your eyes. The way he was making you feel.

"No one will fuck me the way you do" you moaned loudly as he picked up his pace. Both of your moans and whines loud with the slick lewd sounds of skin connecting.

You were getting so close, you could feel the coil begin to tighten as he pounded harder into you. Your nails dug deeper as his hips began to snap into you. "Always so kind to me, so beautiful…"

Each of his now sharp and rapid thrusts silenced your whimpers and groans. There was no room between the two of you, and you could feel it in the way he kissed you and the way he fucked you into the mattress. You could also feel it in the way his hands held your hips and hurt them as he drew you impossibly close to him.

"Kang fuck I'm close" you moan gripping onto him tighter as your legs begin to shake.

"give it to me, give it to me baby. Cum for me please, please, please, Fuck"

You moan loudly clenching around his cock as it his you. You feel euphoric as your vision clouds from the intensity of your orgasm.

As your pussy clenches him it caused his cock to twitch and white spurts of cum go up washing inside of you. Painting your walls with him. You milk him as he slows down pushing the cum further back into you until he eventually pulls out. He looks down at you and sees your fucked out droopy eyes.

He gets up from you leaving the bedroom, you go to call out for him to stay but your throat hurts from the loudness of your moans.

Not much longer he returns with a cloth crouching down to clean you up gently, staring into your eyes with a promise of him not leaving. He kisses your inner thighs before putting the cloth back in the bathroom and coming back to your room.

He comes beside you lifting you under the covers with him, he cradles your cheek like you're the most beautiful thing he's ever seen while he leans back and pushes the hair out of your face, straightens your brows, he kisses your lips softly, giving you fatigued tiny pecks here and there till you are content and can feel him forever.

Your heart stopped when one of his arms surrounded your waist to pull you closer and against his chest. You looked down and realized that he had folded everything including your dress so that neither of you would stumble over it the next day, rather than getting dressed. When you stared at him, It was then that you noticed it in his eyes. This desire, this affection, which he has never permitted himself to express to you. His touch still makes you feel buzzy and electrified. 

You nuzzled closer into him, maybe life in this realm wasn't as bad as you thought...

-------------

A/N: so how was that? I hope you enjoyed it, please comment if you do and comment any suggestions you may have for me to write.

[kuroashinomimi]

Can I hold your hand

Omigiri fluff

-Getting together, pining osamu miya.

The only thing Osamu knew about Sakusa Kiyoomi at the age of 16 was that he was the biggest asshole on the face of earth –which was debatable– but Atsumu insisted that he was every single time.

Years passed by and they both focused on their own careers, Sakusa long forgotten. So imagine his surprise when his brother called him to tell him about this new player on his team.

“Why are ya so excited about it?” Atsumu gasped in offence at his brother’s words.

“What do ya mean why? Omi-omi’s my best friend, of course I’m excited.”

“Best friend?” Osamu replied, flabbergasted. “The only thing ya did was complain about him. How is he yer best friend?”

“That’s not true! I’m sure I’ve said at least one nice thing about him.” Osamu laughed

“No, ya haven’t. Trust me.”

“Well, he is.” a second of silence. “My best friend I mean.”

“Right.”

“Anyway, yer more of an asshole than him.”

“I’ll stab ya.” Osamu threatened

“Ya can try.” he could hear some shuffling on Atsumu’s end. “I have to go, talk to ya later. Love yaa!”

“Yeah, love ya too scrub.”

He learnt to not take anything by surprise with Atsumu but he made it really hard. Osamu kept on with his life, forgetting about Sakusa as soon as he hung up.

It wasn’t until their first game that he actually met the infamous one.

He’d invited Atsumu and the whole team to have something to eat at his restaurant, no matter how much he denied it he really was proud of his brother. 

That night was the first time he met Sakusa Kiyoomi and he’d make sure not to forget him again.

Osamu had never seen a man as beautiful as him, the light but mischievous shine in his gaze, his soft skin and those hands. He wanted to hold them forever. They didn’t talk that much but Sakusa’s bluntness and dry humour were enough to have him hooked. So he did the rational thing

He pestered Atsumu for his phone number.

“No.”

“Come on Tsumu, it’s yer one chance of being a good brother.” Atsumu’s stare could’ve killed a weaker man.

“I’m a great brother so shut yer trap. I’m not giving you Omi’s number because he won’t like that.”

“But Tsumu–” He was immediately cut off.

“If I give ya his number ya will lose any chance ya have to ask him out.” Osamu didn’t have an answer to that. “Ask him on a date yerself, he’ll say yes, but ya can’t use me to get with him. That’ll ruin yer chances.”

Osamu didn’t want to admit that Atsumu was right, but he was. The next time they saw each other he’d steal all of Sakusa’s attention, buy him off with some good food and ask him on a date.

But he didn’t, because he panicked.

Hours passed and the boys kept drinking and eating and Osamu could feel his only chance fading away a little bit more each second.

“Miya.” Sakusa muttered, both Osamu and Atsumu looked up.

“Yeah?” Both twins said at the same time. Sakusa looked surprised. “See, Omi. I told ya that if ya keep calling me Miya it’d get confusing eventually.”

“Yes, I get that now.” Atsumu waited to hear what Sakusa wanted to say but he just turned his head and looked at him.

“Osamu, can I talk to you for a second.” Atsumu looked at them in wonder, mouth opened and eyes so opened that he worried one of them would pop out. Osamu on the other hand could only blush, his name sounded so good coming out of Sakusa’s mouth.

“Yes, Sakusa-san.” They walked away from the group, Osamu used that little moment to recover. “So, what did ya want to talk about?”

Osamu was /shaking/

“Well, you’ve been staring at me the whole night and I wondered if you were going to tell me the thing you’ve been holding back all this time. You’re not actually subtle, you know?”

He wanted the ground to swallow him.

But, on the other hand, this was his chance to actually ask him out.

“Can I hold yer hand?” was what he asked instead.

“Oh.” Sakusa answered, he didn’t expect that, of course he didn't.

“Sorry, that wasn’t– I just–” Osamu had never been this nervous before.

He didn’t get to finish his apology though. A new kind of pressure had made his way to his own hand. Sakusa was actually holding his hand.

“There, I hope that helped ease your curiosity.”

Sakusa kept looking down, a blush covering his cheeks. Osamu had to be dreaming.

“Date me.” A beat of silence. “Please.”

That made Sakusa laugh, open and loud and Osamu could swear that he had fallen in love right at that moment. Sakusa’s smile was so big and bright when he finally said yes, he’d never been so thankful to being a damn rambling mess.

He just hoped he’d have many more chances to hold that hand and to feel the warmth of that very unusual smile.

[colourstreakgryffin]

Hey there! So, this is my first time requesting something on Tumblr so sorry if it doesn't make sense but could I request giyu,igouro, sanemi and rengoku x reader, thats platonic so like the reader is a kid. and the reader is non-verbal but the reader chooses who they talk to and who they don't, so how would they react to when the reader brings up enough courage to talk to them? (Also if you can could the reader use sign language when they don't speak? Sorry for the big ask)

Also English isn't my first language so sorry for any spelling errors or mis-wording of anything.

Four is a lot, honey. I hope you don’t mind me cutting it down to three but yes, I can do this. Selectively mute and sign-language using! Can do!

Shinazugawa Sanemi

By the tug of his haori, Sanemi turns around to look at you from the battered test dummy he was practicing Wind Breathing on. His deep frown softened at the sight of your glowing life-filled eyes and he drops down to his knees to hear you out. You’re his little assistant, who has never spoken a single word, even after he took you in so he learnt sign language under the permission you were mute

“Yes, Dokusha?” Sanemi asks softly, tilting his head in contrast to his usual hyper-aggressive and temperamental aura. He is very gentle with you, due to how much he adores you. Today, you finally wanted to say something to him since you trust him fully and you felt guilty about hiding your voice from him, he deserves to hear what you want to say

What did he do to deserve to be lied to? Nothing, he is the reason you have a house and food right now, he basically rescued you from hell and decided to take you in for you doing stuff around his Estate. Sanemi is thankful to past him for making the right choice, he has learnt how to control himself better and he feels less lonely. He can rant and complain about annoying slayers to you all he wants and feel heard with the way you nod with a beam

You smile softly at your caretaker, grabbing his free thick sweaty hand whilst he kept his eyes on you and held yours back. He was a bit concerned that something was wrong but relief flooded him when a sudden wave of confidence washed over you, allowing you to speak: “You… you… haven’t ate, have you…?” His hand clutched around nothing at what he heard

Sanemi’s dark purple eyes widened in shock at actually hearing your voice and his katana dropped to the floor as he started stuttering in shock. You have never said a verbal word with him for all the months you’ve been with him and he genuinely thought you couldn’t speak as you always used sign language. That didn’t mean he wasn’t beyond happy that you felt comfortable talking to him, a loving smile spread

It was hot and sunny, concerning you that he could tire himself out with heatstroke or sunburns. Yes, he is the Wind Hashira and he does this type of training constantly but your care for him has grown. You find yourself comparing him to a older brother or a father a lot more often than you think. Actually, maybe more like a parent, though you two talk like you’re past best friends. He is favouritistic towards who he likes you and happen to be one of those rare people

“No. I haven’t, disappointingly. B-but that’s fine, we can eat together”

Tomioka Giyuu

Besides your beloved caretaker, Giyuu, you noticed a gorgeous silky kimono in your favourite colour hanging up by a thin string over the head of the storekeeper. Whilst you and Giyuu were within the crowd of loud people and passing the many makeshift fleet market stands, you could see it as clear as day and you found your heart pinging in desire, the longer you kept your glowing eyes on it. You wanted to tell the taller, bigger man but you didn’t have the gut…

With all the blaring people wondering around you two, you nor Giyuu wanted to talk in this rather intimidating environment, even to each other, as neither of you are good at socialising in such a public way. Giyuu did actually owe you a gift for taking the time out of your night to fix up his dull katana to perfection, but he had no clue what to give you and he is stubborn so you can’t try convince him otherwise

With that kimono in your mind, you tap your fingers on his wrist to try catch his attention. A tough flinch runs through his skin as he carefully looks down to his side, seeing you still right next to him and feeling such relief flooding his senses. With the lack of touch, he was a bit worried that he lost you within this monstrous crowd and he didn’t know how he’d function without the beloved little assistant he rescued and cares for

The one who understands him the most out of everything on this entire planet. He looked around for any stranglers that may past you two and dropped down, you two hadn’t walked that far from the kimono stand and the one stealing away your attention basically danced in the wind, beckoning you to come over to it. Giyuu’s pretty blue eyes trained onto you as he mentally prepared himself to adapt to the sign language you were bound to use but it didn’t come, confusing him intently that it slipped past his usual emotionless demeanour

Pointing at the stand in your mind, allowing Giyuu to follow your movements and partly-understand what was bothering you. You opened your lips slowly and let out the voice you thought you lost years ago as he flinched this time in shock at what he heard. “C-can… can I have that kimono…” You ask lightly, hands still on his as his eyes almost dissolved into a lighter blue at his amazement. You can speak?!

Despite how comfortable you claimed you felt with him, you never said a single word to him. Sure, he doesn’t need words to feel close and connected to you but he figured you were mute so he kept his trap close for you. He did feel a bit betrayed that you didn’t signal a word sooner but he could understand your hesitation, you could have been worried that he would be mad at you but he couldn’t be mad at you. He smiles ever-so-gently and rises to his feet, looking at that stand

“You want a kimono? Well, you do need some new ones”

Rengoku Kyojuro

Kyojuro’s cheerful smile never faded, repositioning the wooden staff inside his little brother’s hands and lifting his arms up to show him the more effective swing. On a bright, sunny day, the Flame Hashira was attempting to teach his little brother, Senjuro how to use breathing techniques so he can continue on the Rengoku legacy after his brother eventually goes to pass the torch. In the back, you waited patiently for your caretaker to come to you

You had something important to… well, tell him and this time not through your fingers. For the entire time you’ve been with Kyojuro, you never said a single verbal word to him nor anybody else so it lead him to simply assume you were mute. He spent hours perfecting sign language for you, his cute little assistant so he can still talk to you

Kyojuro eventually turned around after minutes or so of patience, meeting your eyes with his eccentric flame-patterned ones and shook his head in realisation he had been keeping you waiting. Quickly alerting Senjuro, he basically glides to you with such smooth strides and playfully pats your head with a open apology. He hated keep the one he adored on the edge for so long

“Sorry, little flame. What is it you need?” The young man asks, preparing his hands to calculate your signing but nothing he suspected happened, you mirrored his wholehearted smile and grabbed his much bigger hands, cupping them in yours as you managed to push out your unaided vocal cords to speak. You trusted him entirely to say your piece to him, like he deserved

“Do… do you have the refreshments for… Senjuro?” You responded in a semi-faint tone, almost weirded out by the sound of your own voice but you felt the complete need to show your beloved caretaker the truth. Lying to him for so long was a painful process but now, you’re free from those shackles as Kyojuro flinched visibly, feeling shock course through him. You can speak?! Since when, he genuinely thought you had no voicebox. He hasn’t even heard you grunt or huff

His smile widened at the words he heard, he is very happy you feel comfortable enough to talk to him as he chirps, propping himself up the elevated wooden platform of his Estate. He doesn’t bother trying to pull his hand from yours as you follow his skilful movements. Kyojuro can’t say that he loves you like a father does but he is glad he rescued you

“Not at the moment, but let’s go get some right now!”

[justalia]

Hello Alia, I need you help or at least advice:

I’ve been into this cycle of not trusting in my imagination and I don’t know if you been in the cycle of not knowing if you’re assuming right and just being in a overall confusion and not ending up manifesting anything. I’m really tired and I just want to trust consciously. I’ve literally had enough and I’m so frustrated. For example I can have watch a video (about LOA) and feel fulfilled and feel like everything clicked but at the next day it seems like I forgot everything I’ve just learnt and I’m freaking out constantly. I’m feeling so irritated and I’ve wasted MONTHS of my life. I’ve swear I’ve read everything and still haven’t trust in my imagination. I’ve had saved quotes everyday to remind me of how powerful I am in imagination and I just don’t believe it. I want a good life, I want to enjoy it. I know that somehow I have a power within myself because I have had manifested a few things, but they’re “minimal”. I’m crying while I’m typing this, I think I’ve never manifested something big in my life. I feel like I could NEVER manifest anything again. I want to stop this cycle, to stop looking at content. I just want to have faith, faith seems so far from me. I’ve had a horrible life, and faith seems sometimes strange to me somehow. I just want love and trust my imagination as the only source consciously. I don’t understand how people trust in it, how do they do it?

And to be honest, I’ve been in every corner of the internet trying to look for everything and get nothing at the same time. It’s an everyday thing, and I felt so bad because the other day I saw a video of someone saying “do u actually recognize that imagination is the only reality? Do you think there’s nothing ahead of you?” And I couldn’t respond. I feel so bad, I feel like I’m a fucking loser. I want to cry, and I don’t know who else to ask help for. I’m sorry if this is too personal.

Please, if you read this, what would you do in my place? How do I get out of this? I want to enjoy the life that I want and I want to compromise to myself.

Thank you and I love your page.

hi babe sorry for the late reply.

my genuine advice is to stop trying. stop. trying. stop trying to manifest. drop it, drop the expectations right now. stop doing anything and everything to try and achieve faith. faith is not achieved. you surrender to faith.

“how do i believe that imagination creates reality?”

you give yourself permission to just believe.

this being said allow yourself to let out these emotions, have a self care day or week even if you need it and then write down everything you’re feeling and everything you hate about all of this. yes, i have been in this situation before understanding that all i had to focus on was changing imagination. nothing else, just changing my state aka my imaginal experience.

another thing is i stopped seeing the law as a way to get things but as a way of living, i deserve peace and calmness in my mind i don’t deserve to make my heart sick. if i want something i imagine it bc it makes me feel good, there’s no reason why i should choose misery when i can imagine anything.

imagine to have fun, to experience your desire. don’t worry so much about changing the outside but rather focus on changing imagination.

how? imagine having/being whatever you want.

have fun, allow yourself to have fun in imagination.

do it every night without expectating change. simply imagine to feel good.

[chaisshitposts]

hi chai i hope you don’t mind this ask as i feel this might come as unwanted advice that can seem somewhat pessimistic to some so i apologise in advance but i mean no harm.

I am only trying to help and wish i’d known this right when i started to “manifest” or enter the void, and also as someone who’s been on loablr since 2021 and have read possibly every single success story that exists on here, here are some things to keep in mind:

there are many people that did the 10k affirmation challenge and didn’t end up getting their desires, why? cause they most certainly affirmed 10K times for their desires (while it’s proven scientifically to work)

but still happened to fail, cause they most probably thought against their desires; which was the strongest argument the states girlies used to have.

REMEMBER: you cannot be two things at once, you either have it or you don’t so which side are you on through the day and as you fall asleep?

(i mention the falling asleep bit cause i personally felt anxious at times going to sleep knowing i am still not where i want to be so if you’re doing the same thing, please stop. That’s the state you’re falling asleep to😭 it’s doing you no good😭)

(also i am not siding with any method, all methods work)

lesson learnt from this: nothing matters if you’re not strict with your mental diet, your 4D, your imagination.

(I’m not saying you have to suppress your feelings cause that can’t be good)

@moonbakeries used to vent for as long as she liked but made sure to persist in her 4D and she changed her life. please go through her blog to understand this better.

when i see people being consistent for weeks on here doing everything right and coming you to update (i love to see the discipline) but can’t help and wonder if they are persistent with their new story throughout

because i have been in their shoes before and had little to no success. (and as i follow you i can’t help but be reminded of my own failure cause i’ve been there before and the burnout isn’t pretty.)

I appreciate your support to all of your followers. I mean no offence to anyone but i really think i had to come out of my lurking bubble and let my mistake be known loud and clear so that others don’t make the same mistake as I did.

I feel like if we all delete tumblr, strictly only persist in our 4D for a week straight, we all would be living our dream lives.

Proof: rae’s death revision success story @itsravenbitch

@moonbakeries dream life success story

time taken? seven days.

DISCLAIMER:

i know we are all different and we shouldn’t think of time as a relative thing cause it’s literally not real. so obviously don’t think of seven days as a deadline (silly of me to mention it now after saying all that lol but you get the point)

if you fall in love with your imagination, you won’t care about time and the 3D (i know it’s hard with circumstances which is why i still haven’t personally succeeded) but please try. It will change your life.

Reminds me of another success story (anonymous) they changed their gender just by identifying as their ideal gender. I cannot remember if it was ftm or mtf i’m sorry but whenever someone mentioned/referred to them as their older gender, they literally didn’t care cause they knew the were their ideal gender and one day, they woke up to being their desired gender. That’s all it took.

the most common takeaway from all success stories is: BELIEVE, TRUST, HAVE FAITH.

(yes, doubts are common)

@moonbakeries mentioned it too, people that entered the void had doubts too but managed to persist, @gorgeouslypink also doubted the void till the moment she entered herself but still entered the void.

BUT CONTINUE TO PERSIST

The 3D (notice how i say “the” and not “your” cause it’s not yours) is none of your business.

Your 4D (imagination) is the real deal. Just like day is followed by the night, your imagination has to show up too, no matter what. let this sink in please.

I know discipline matters, please continue to do what you’re doing if it helps you stay consistent with your new story but actively make sure to persist in your new story, your FAV story. it’s so so crucial. That’s all!

I really want to be off anon but not sure how this message would be taken so i choose to stay anonymous lol

sending love to all!

thank you for your words of wisdom and motivation, I appreciate the strength it took to write this. I know that this will certainly be a wake up call to many.

[moonsanoverthinker]

MAGNUS PROTOCOL EPISODE 7 SPOILERS

Here’s a series of thoughts I had while listening to episode 7 (I’m loosing my mind and these are the most random thoughts!)

I’ll stick them under the cut just incase people haven’t got to it yet! <3

Also edit: I’ve seen things about how these dots were too easy to connect and that theory makes sense. Now questioning are the dots easy to connect because they were supposed to be followed or are they easy so we all go on a goose chase…

Celia why are you mentioning the tape recorders…

“Spoken cases have anything in common” What like one specific voice reading about loosing loved ones? Or the one where the horrors follow people? Or the need for power and to be recognised? OR THE ONE ABOUT THE INSTITUTE?

Celia, dear, why are you asking about flesh and being buried alive? (The Flesh and The Buried perhaps…)

WHAT DO YOU MEAN HILLTOP CENTRE

Is Mr C.Clayton dead? Or is there just something pretending to be him?

“It’s all for a good cause” I’m sure it is!

Also random thought most of this takes place in 2015 which lines up with series 1 of TMA (this more than likely means nothing just thought about it)

Right time to start noting every single item down!

Also isn’t this how Breekon and Hope took over that guys removal business?

Those new worker 🤝Mikaele Salesa 🤝ton of weird objects that may or may not be spooky

Mmm yep those descriptions are fucking awful thanks for that!

Is the man in black clothing a friend or a foe I wonder?

Feeling very Stranger coded this one (I know the fears might not be a thing in this universe but still)

“The voice threw me” DID IT NOW CELIA, SOUNDING FAMILIAR IS IT?

“Whiny little toad” Wonder who wrote that…

“Do you know who voices Chester?” They don’t but you might Celia

“Doesn’t matter. I’m sure it wasn’t anyone important” CELIA. 1. It does matter. 2.NO

COLINS ALIVE!

Johns learnt how to send emails then?

Or is it John or Jon? Are we getting Michealed or this is him?

Was the random name Sims, Sam?

“The real stuff” What is the real stuff? Is what they look at not the real stuff…

“It’s already recorded too…” Colin. What does this mean. Are the horrors listening? Perhaps some might say waiting?

Lena and Gwen! That’s it that’s the thought.

“It’s really quite amusing actually” “Trust me” GOD GWEN. Is she from the violent side of the family? Or the Elias before the horrors side?

“Most people would consider directly confronting me like this a rather foolish idea” Why’s that Lena…

“According to my source” Gwen how did find the source? Family connections?

“Maybe with your job” GO OFF GWEN

“I am not a wealthy woman, certainly not compared to your own family” Every episode I am getting more convinced she is directly related to Elias OR she is the non-Jonah version of Elias and is just cut throat?

“I want ‘in’” WHAT IS ‘IN’

“Step up too the real work” Is…is this not the real work. More horrors await I assume?

“I hope you’re ready for it as you think you are. Consider yourself ‘in’” This will either go splendidly and in Gwens favour or everything is going to be awful! (For now I’m going to assume awful)

[featherandferns]

Here's a snippet from my latest 18k fic!

“Hey, you’re Kie’s friend, right? That chick in the band?”

Assuming somebody’s talking to you, you look up, to the right, and come eye to eye with JJ. Your mouth instantly goes dry like the Sahara.

“Yeah,” you say. You’re trying to smile but it’s like the muscles in your face have gone lax. Why are you so Goddamn inept sometimes?

“I’m JJ,” he says, fixing his cap. “We met at The Wreck?”

“No, I know,” you tell him. You don’t mean for it to sound rude – merely stating a fact that of course you know who he is – but through your nerves, it sounds clipped. Like he’s bothering you.

JJ nods, a little awkward himself now. “No, yeah, of course.”

Just as you’re willing up the guts to apologise for your hopeless social skills, JJ’s filling the silence once more.

“You fish?”

“What?”

“Do you like fishing?”

What a weird question. “No.”

“Oh,” he says. He glances around. “Then…Why are you in a fishing shop?”

Oh. Yeah, duh.

“Oh, my dad does,” you say, lifting the list to show him. JJ’s eyes skim it briefly and he nods, quietly letting out an ‘ah’. “Asked me to pick some stuff up for him.”

Oh God, shut up.

“Well, this place is a pretty good spot to go for your gear,” he tells you.

“Do you fish?”

And, good job, you’ve managed to ask a normal question.

JJ smiles and it seems as if he’s relaxing into himself again. It makes you feel easier too; it’s always painful when your awkwardness rubs off on others, like the spreading of a disease.

“Yeah, I do. My whole family were fishermen and stuff. Can’t remember a time when I wasn’t fishing,” JJ says.

Whilst you prepare yourself to ask more about his family, and what sort of fishing he does, JJ’s flashing you a friendly grin and nodding down to your list.

“Well, I’ll let you get back to it. Hope you find everything.”

“Oh. Yeah, thanks. Um, you too,” you reply.

You final have enough control of yourself to smile at him. It might be your delusions contorting your perception, but you’re sure JJ’s smile grows a bit brighter when you do.

Turning away, you go back to staring hopelessly at the box in your hand. The front is raving about the benefits of this style of hook, reeling of jargon as if trying to impress a university professor. It’s useless. Not only are your thoughts now hijacked by overthinking everything you said in that conversation, and the fact that JJ Maybank spoke to you on his own agenda; you still haven’t learnt anything about fishing in the last five minutes. You’ll just get a receipt and your dad can come back and fix whatever mess you make of this seemingly easy errand.

“You gonna buy those?”

JJ’s still there, stood at your side. He’s looking at the box from over your shoulder. You look up to him.

“Yeah?”

“Those ones are pure crap. No, no, you want the good stuff,” JJ tells you, shaking his head.

He takes the box from your hand and replaces it with another, from a higher shelf. Tapping on the cover, he begins to read off some of the hooks’ perks (who knew there could be so many?).

“I mean, they’re a little more expensive but you get more bang for your buck, you know? Those other ones’ll snap after like four days on the water.”

When he looks back into your eyes, he must see the blank look behind them. He laughs. “Just trust me on this.”

“Okay,” you say, finding a laugh.

“Here, what else’s on your list?” JJ asks, taking the scrap of paper from you.

You don’t complain. Being in his orbit feels like you’re seeing the earth from space; even if it’s just him helping you buy fishing gear, there’s no way you’re going to pass up this opportunity.

Here's the fic here!

[scribble-dribble-writes]

Loveless - (17)

<<<Prev Next>>>

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Pairing: Namor x Shuri

Word Count: 1500

Warnings: none

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Chapter 17

“You looked like you needed a break.”, he said slowly, unsure on how she would receive it.

He never had someone look out for him, someone who would share the crown or ease his pain. He picked up all his pieces on his own and put it back together in the way he could do best without having a person to show him how he needed to mould himself. So he wanted to do that for her, to give her rest and the little things he could never afford.

She held a shell in her hand, one he had collected long ago for it’s unusual color. She didn’t meet his gaze but instead posed a question. “And you?”, her eyes found his and he looked away.

“I’m fine.”, he mumbled.

She put away the shell and made her way to him. He didn’t want to talk about his thoughts, it would spread out like an oil spill to cause a mess when all he wanted to do today, was to keep it clean, to hold it together, so she can enjoy and relax. He was a hurricane, he won’t rain down on her.

“You come here often?”, the next question. “More so in the past month.”, he gripped the pliers as he bent a wire.

“What were you going to tell me by the river?”, her third question, one that pulled him out of his comfort zone. “That –

Her eyes were pinned on him, not with a compulsive need to know his next steps but with a pellet of concern. That when she saw him in settings like this, she felt he was just as lonely as her, alone in his mind. The rage that simmered every time he occupied her thoughts had now disappeared. As days passed and her grief settled, she began to understand her mother’s decision, why she chose to sacrifice her life to save Riri and her country. But it only tainted the love she had for her with anger, that she didn’t have to be so noble, that in the end no one thought of her. That the love they had for her would always come second to the one they had for their duty. But it contrasted against his story, he didn’t have anyone to think of him if he lost his throne. That without his people, he would be non existent.

His eyebrows knit together as he held himself back. Why was it so hard for him to make sense of this?

Why was it so difficult for him to learn to trust?

To believe in the possibility of change? He sighed.

He was fighting this. But in the comfort and privacy of this place, he could tell her his secrets.

“That maybe not all surface dwellers are bad.”, she heard him, her eyes snapping to see him engrossed in making an artefact.

“I still don’t trust the agent but when he vouched for you, I, I haven’t been able to think of anything else.”, this was almost like she was speaking to someone who had also changed along with her, she couldn’t feel the heat of his rage as when she did before, when she called him a mad man.

“Not all of us are trying to hurt you.”, she told him to which his gaze softened. “I know that now.”, he put away his tools.

“This is madness, is it not?”, he asked her and it struck her, how often he would say the words she had spoken about him, that he held those with more weight than what anyone else had ever said before.

“To even think someone like me can have hope to right his ways.”, he held his hands together.

“Its only because I spent time observing the love you share, that it taught me to the see the good in people.”, he told her. Her cheeks grew warm. She had to admit it to him. That his leadership style was one to learn from.

“I’ve learnt from you that it’s good to be aware of potential enemies. That Wakanda is not as safe as it seems.”, she smiled while he looked stunned.

“I didn’t think you would want to be anywhere near me after the example I had set.”, he laughed. Easy. Uncomplicated. Invisible strings pulling her closer to him.

“But please, no politics for today. I have had enough of it.”, he got up. She too had come here to escape it. But with politics being the only thing tying them together,

What else where they going to talk about?

“Today, is to runaway from all this for a while.”, he perused his stack of books. For the few hours he had of this alternate world he had created for himself, this feeling of home with her in it, he will not waste. Right this instant, he was just a painter and she was a scientist. “Do you want to see our maps of the ocean?”, he turned to ask her.

Hidden documents, never before seen inscriptions. This was what she thrived on. “Yes.”, she said without any hesitation.

He pulled out a big bundle, containing leaflets of papers and placed in on the carpet as he took a seat, she followed suit. The pages held diagrams with detailed connections of pathways from Talokan to other underwater cities. Places they needed to watch out for that teemed with people and in some cases monsters that she never knew existed. She flipped the pages, he explained the science behind his vibranium bracelets that controlled the currents. They were two kids on the library floor, looking for places to go.

“Do you always wear your crest?”, she asked pointing to the gold collar. He only ever removed it before he slept.

“Yes, it’s like your beads, except without all the advancements to it.”, he laughed as he put back his atlas. But when he turned, he watched as she removed her beads and placed in on the table next to her.

“We aren’t royalty for today.”, she smiled turning to see him. He had never been without his crest when he was with someone.

The object was his shell he hid behind, because without it, he was no one. She was testing him again only that this time she was waiting for him to choose. She was trying to understand if she could trust him again. He wiped his sweaty palm on his linen robe. His hands reached for the clasp behind his neck, nervous and thrilled at the same time. He pulled the lever and the metal hissed in the silence. He held on to the edges of the crest but his mind was fighting him, words his cousin said that he was giving away his authority. The others screaming that he was straying away from his purpose, from his vengence.

He wanted to be free of it, he closed his eyes. Images of him mother, tears threatening to wet his eyes. This crest was the reason he was even born. But much to it's importance in his life, he could never remember the day it was put on him. That since the moment he opened his eyes to understand the world around him, the crest was all he saw in his reflections, it's pressure over his shoulders reminding him of the one job he had to do. That there was no alternate path or choice, no one asked for his opinion, this was promised and so it was all he could ever be. This guardian and nothing else.

She watched as he struggled. His identity was tied to the object around his neck. Show him, her mother’s words echoed in her mind. So she walked towards him, as he stood there squeezing his eyes shut, not knowing whose voice to follow. “You are more than this mantle.”, she said

His eyes sprung open, she was standing right in front of him, her words cutting through the noise and the intangible wave of time, he searched her chocolate brown pupils that lured him in to let go of it all, “How can you continue to be kind after everything you’ve witnessed about me?”, he whispered, his chest heaving.

His emotions were breaking through, he reached out, his knuckles tracing the rise of her cheek. He had held unknown treasures in this hand, but she was the most marvellous creation he had ever touched. She stayed, her eyes pinned on him.

“After everything I’ve done.”, he whispered. He could feel it, his pieces beginning to break that he had held together for so long. He dropped his hand, hovering over the place he had stabbed her. His mind contorting in guilt, that he wasn't worthy to stand here, in front of her.

“After I’ve hurt you.”, his eyes found hers.

The edge of his eyes, began to glisten. She had only seen him this broken once before, the day she wanted him to beg for his life. Instead he gave up, he didn’t fight her, expect his eyes grew wet as he said he yielded.

“Because the world has taken far more from you, that all you were ever allowed to yearn for was revenge.”, her words, honey dripping on the wounds he kept hidden. He felt her hand wrap around his wrist as she tugged it closer, till it fit around her waist, over her wound.

“That everything you’ve done so far was for your people.”, her hands found the edge of his crest, holding it where his had slipped.

“All you’ve been is afraid for all these years, haven’t you?”, he didn’t have to speak, his blood rushed through his body, his eyes only focusing on hers, as though his mind and hers were connected.

She knew the motive behind his actions, that all he did was fueled out of fear. She raised the crest over his head, he let her, and with every passing second, he felt light, air filling his lungs to the brim. It passed over his head and he stood in front of her, feeling human, open and vulnerable. But it was the first time he could breath, feel the rhythm of his heart. He felt alive.

“Now you don’t have to be.”, she held the crest out to him as he took it, and with that it was done. She held his gaze, his fingers touching hers as the metal transferred into his hands and with that, she moved away.

But the touch of her warmth had burned in his heart, indenting her name in it forever.

---

Ladies and gentlemen, them 💖

Tags(💖💖💖💖):

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[aeoki]

Seven Bridges - Love and Peace?: Chapter 12

Location: Yumenosaki Soundproof Lesson Room Characters: Ritsu, Mao & Hitsugi

Ritsu: I see. So that’s what happened.

Hitsugi: ? What do you mean?

Ritsu: Starting this year – in other words, ever since the “producer course” was officially established – we had a lot of different “producers” for “Knights”.

But they were all pretty much useless.

Arashi: Ritsu-chan, mind your manners. …Nothing good is going to come out of bad mouthing others, you know?

Ritsu: Then let me rephrase that: They were all pretty much annoying.

We welcomed in a large number of new members this year under the instruction of our new “King”.

But we want to raise those “newbies” as proper assets.

So even if we’re putting ourselves on the back burner, we want the “newbies” to gain a lot of experience.

But the “producer” who would be in charge of us never included those “newbies” in their projects.

They think “Knights” is made up of me, Nacchan and Suu-chan only. During our practice sessions, they’d just stick to us and shower us with compliments like a fan would.

Frankly, it’s super annoying. They’re not useful in the least – They’re honestly an eyesore.

Arashi: Ritsu-chan, you don’t really like the people in the “producer course”, huh… They’re not exactly our enemies and I don’t think they have ill intentions.

Ritsu: That’s the problem. They need to know who they’re trampling over at the very least.

Actually, they need to be aware they’re a “producer”.

They’re a “producer” who’s working with us but why do we have to give them fanservice?

…I feel like I’ll turn into a grumbly Secchan if I said any more, so I’m basically ignoring those “producers” who were sent to work with us.

Then they’d say stuff like, “He’s so stoic and cool! Just like his image!”. There’s nothing I can do about them. Nothing.

Arashi: Well, it seems you’ve been talking to this “producer” a lot for a change, Ritsu-chan.

Ritsu: He’s a bit different from the rest.

I can’t really explain it but it doesn’t look like he’s interested in us, for better or worse.

Hitsugi: ? Yes! Is that a compliment? Thank you very much!

Arashi: Ehehe. But well, we’ve learnt a lot. So that’s what the “producer course” is like…

I see why I haven’t been seeing Anzu-chan around these days.

At ES, the idols choose their “producer”.

They’ll have some degree of choice when it comes to selecting staff and equipment as long as they pay for those things with “L$”.

Ritsu: If they don’t use “L$”, they’ll have no choice but to work with the people ES or the agency has set up. Like a court-appointed attorney.

Arashi: I get what you’re trying to say. That’s why we tend to choose Anzu-chan who we trust and know is reliable when it comes to ES work.

But we don’t have the right to do that at school. Idols don’t have the authority.

Ritsu: That’s usually the case though.

Arashi: Yeah. We can only go as far as submitting the proposal; we can’t choose the overseeing “producer”.

Ritsu: The “producer course” either discusses with each other or decides by lottery, right?

Arashi: Yeah, by the sounds of it. The chosen “producer” also has the ability to change parts of the proposal if they so wish to.

“Producers” originally have that sort of power, after all.

Ritsu: Yeah. It’s weird how Yumenosaki managed to handle everything with just the idols doing everything themselves.

Our authority as idols has shrunk a lot now that the “producer course” has been officially set up.

The “producers” have taken a lot of the stuff that we were burdened with.

I’m pretty happy with that, though.

Arashi: Yeah. It would be unbearable if the idols had to shoulder everything on their own. The load must be split.

And there were a few idols who collapsed because they pushed themselves too hard by shouldering everything by themselves last year.

No. I’m sure people are split into idols and “producers” because there was a need to share the hardship.

Ritsu: Yeah. In fact, everything we experienced until now is considered weird. So I guess you could say our current situation is heading in a healthy and correct direction in comparison to before…

But I wonder why? There’s still something about that that I still can’t accept.

And there’s no way things are always going to be the same.

Arashi: …………

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[ofstormsandsaints]

Ⓐ (stop 🧍‍♀️ i have no memory of seeing you reblog this, so if like if you’ll still allow this WE NEED TO KNOW OPINIONS!!)

Tumblr and its incapacity of doing its job

Of course darling, here to rate Cyra now

Send me Ⓐ and my muses will rate yours:

Marion

Attractiveness: 

repulsive || hideous || ugly || not attractive || unappealing || not unattractive || meh || no preference || ok || mildly attractive || nice looking || cute || adorable || attractive || pleasant on the eyes || good looking || hot || sexy || beautiful || gorgeous || hot damn || would tap that || perfect (that's his love for the curls speaking here)|| godlike || holy fuck there are no words (stop being a simp, when he's in front of Alexandra and Cyra, he struggles to maintain eye contact)

Personality:

grating || irritating || frustrating || boring || confusing at best || awkward || unreasonable || psychotic || disturbing || interesting || engaging || affectionate || aggressive || ambitious || anxious || artistic || bad tempered || bossy || charismatic || appealing || unappealing || creative || courageous || dependable || unreliable || unpredictable || predictable || devious || dim || extroverted || introverted ||  egotistical || gregarious || fabulous || impulsive || intelligent || sympathetic || talkative || up beat || peaceful || calming || badass || flexible 

How likely they would have sex with them:

not if they were the last person on earth and the world was ending || fuck no! || never || no way || not likely || not sure || indifferent || I’m asexual || maybe || probably || it depends || fairly likely || likely || yeah sure || yes || would tap that || hell yes || fuck yes! || wishing that could happen right now || as many times as possible || we are already having sex

that's before he learnt she was a demon.

did it change after the revelation? Not really. But does he feel bad for it? hm.

Level of Friendship:

never in a million years || worst of enemies || enemies || rivals || indifferent || neutral || acquaintance || friendly toward each other || casual friends || friends || good friends || best friends || fuck buddies || bosom buddies? || practically the same person || would die for them || true friends || my only friend ||

again, that mainly depends on you darling @mariicake

First impression of them:

I hate them so much || I don’t like them || I don’t trust them || they annoy me || they’re weird || I’m indifferent || meh || they seem alright || they’re growing on me || truce || I think I like them || I like them || I’m not sure if I trust them || I trust them || they’re cool || they’re genuine || I think we’re going to get along || I really like them || I think I’m in love || oh fuck they’re hot || I love them 

Current impression of them:

I hate them so much || I don’t like them || I don’t trust them || they annoy me || they’re weird || I’m indifferent || meh || they seem alright || they’re growing on me || truce || I think I like them || I like them || I’m not sure if I trust them || I trust them (silly boy)|| they’re cool || they’re genuine || I think we’re going to get along || I really like them || I think I’m in love || oh fuck they’re (still) hot || I love them

How good of a kisser:

worst kisser ever || terrible || bad || awkward || just okay || alright || pretty good || good || makes me moan || excellent || exciting || oh god they’re good || I dream about it || fucking amazing || absolute perfection || we haven’t kissed

ah... who knows what could happen between these two

Zorya

Attractiveness: 

repulsive || hideous || ugly || not attractive || unappealing || not unattractive || meh || no preference || ok || mildly attractive || nice looking || cute || adorable || attractive || pleasant on the eyes || good looking || hot || sexy || beautiful || gorgeous || hot damn || would tap that || perfect || godlike || holy fuck there are no words

Personality:

grating || irritating || frustrating || boring || confusing at best || awkward || unreasonable || psychotic || disturbing || interesting || engaging || affectionate || aggressive || ambitious || anxious || artistic || bad tempered || bossy || charismatic || appealing || unappealing || creative || courageous || dependable || unreliable || unpredictable || predictable || devious || dim || extroverted || introverted ||  egotistical || gregarious || fabulous || impulsive || intelligent || sympathetic || talkative || up beat || peaceful || calming || badass || flexible 

How likely they would have sex with them:

not if they were the last person on earth and the world was ending || fuck no! || never || no way || not likely || not sure || indifferent || I’m asexual || maybe || probably || it depends || fairly likely || likely || yeah sure || yes || would tap that || hell yes || fuck yes! || wishing that could happen right now || as many times as possible || we are already having sex

pov: you're Cyra and you receive a random letter from Zorya.

'You were truly ravishing tonight. I left my door open for you, please come grace me with your presence again if that feeling is mutual.

Respectfully,

Zorya'

Level of Friendship:

never in a million years || worst of enemies || enemies || rivals || indifferent || neutral || acquaintance || friendly toward each other || casual friends || friends || good friends || best friends || fuck buddies (with your consent Mariam) || bosom buddies || practically the same person || would die for them || true friends || my only friend ||

First impression of them:

I hate them so much || I don’t like them || I don’t trust them || they annoy me || they’re weird || I’m indifferent || meh || they seem alright || they’re growing on me || truce || I think I like them || I like them || I’m not sure if I trust them || I trust them || they’re cool || they’re genuine || I think we’re going to get along || I really like them || I think I’m in love || oh fuck they’re hot || I love them 

Current impression of them:

I hate them so much || I don’t like them || I don’t trust them || they annoy me || they’re weird || I’m indifferent || meh || they seem alright || they’re growing on me || truce || I think I like them || I like them || I’m not sure if I trust them || I trust them || they’re cool || they’re genuine || I think we’re going to get along || I really like them || I think I’m in love || oh fuck they’re hot || I love them

How good of a kisser:

worst kisser ever || terrible || bad || awkward || just okay || alright || pretty good || good || makes me moan || excellent || exciting || oh god they’re good || I dream about it || fucking amazing || absolute perfection || we haven’t kissed

I love how I keep highlighting 'we haven't kissed' but I also imagine how hot it would be if some of those ocs were to kiss

[calypso-finale]

Ninety Two.

It is crazy to think that Ti is in LA but she has been that busy she hasn’t seen me, not even mad because seeing her project come together on Instagram and her campaign I totally understand and I totally support it but to see her finally come home, I haven’t been back to my own house since, my mother wants me to be close to her so I am staying at my parents house since everything “you got a lot of explaining to do” Ti pointing at me which made me laugh as I hugged her “I probably do” I mumbled, I have been through the trenches “it’s been fucking months, you have been on the run too. I have been peeping from the side lines, I have been there. Trust me but I couldn’t step in, I couldn’t get involved sister, this is something you had to go through” Ti said in my ear “I fucked up badly” I mumbled “we saw” she moved back from the hug “but I don’t hold it against you that you didn’t come to see me because you have been busy” she held my hands in hers “I know, I did text you because mom was like come and I said look I really can’t because it’s a lot going on but I am here now and we can catch up for real” she says catch up but I have so much to say to her “when I heard about Oakley I thought fuck, I wanted to reach out but I know you would be mourning you wouldn’t be a person to speak too at the moment, I just. I am just so glad he is ok really, and you need to quit dragging him through court, I hope you’re stopping that?” nodding my head “oh thank god, I didn’t agree with it either. You know what I know Oakley and I, well more me. I did think he was this and that, but I know he was a good dad, and I know when you found out he was having another child you wasn’t going to take it lightly, so to me to know what you did, it was very Rylee of you but my nephew, he really got dragged into it. Mom” Ti said, looking behind me “good to see you remember us” she said “I know mom, but my god. This has been taking over my life then the whole thing with Taylan, just a lot but I am here now” I always doubted her, and Taylan would have made it, but they did more then us, they are still together so that is a thing.

Ti groaned out “it is so good to be home, also get spoilt too when I am here but where is my nephew!?” she spat “oh Grace and Amerie took the kids out, he doesn’t like me. I fucked up bad, he and I aren’t close, and I have to heal myself before I can love him, but I feel so bad” Ti cringed “really? You was in the zone of fucking up, that is the thing with me and you, I was in that zone but I had no child to think of so I can do whatever” Ti is right, she can do what the fuck she want without consequences “once I heard Oakley did that, I wanted to see him hurt. Saint was there. The thing is Oakley kept pushing it and then I did it, I just did what I fucking didn’t need to do and Aziel witnessed all the fucking shit I did, and he was there clinging onto Grace, and all he wanted was to be home. And I know he misses London; he misses home and right now I need to be here. I just really am a mess” shaking my head, over something I made, I made this mess “he is young so there is time, how is therapy going? It’s hard isn’t it” nodding my head “fuck yes, my god. To realive my childhood, to think I thought nothing was wrong when everything was, it’s a reality hard hitting. He said at one point where did I think I got this behaviour from; I was like you’re rude and he said no, you assume nothing is wrong and cheating is ok but where did you think that came from? That cheating is ok, how did you feel when your mom took your dad back for his wrong doings? Then it hit me, he was saying I saw mom take dad back always, like he could do this and that but they will always be” Ti nodded her head “it’s hard hitting but you realise that it was all wrong, everything we learnt was wrong. When they said to me why did I feel the need to create drama, and then he asked how does it feel to be second. I nearly cried, it’s harsh but look it works, look at me. I am happier then ever and I am still seeing mine, once a month but it’s a good thing” putting my head down “I agree, he said that I jump to do things before discussing the issue because I don’t want to be hurt, because I saw hurt with my mom, and I am scared of that feeling. It’s still early days but I am just really wanting my son to love me again, I am still mom” wiping the tear that fell “he will, he is just hurt” I shook my head, I am a shit person.

I chuckled “I said to mom that we was the tester children because look at the younger ones, they got a whole different life. They don’t know shit man, like they have the perfect life. I mean what they may argue but they did they get the morning wake up that we going Barbados, the door banging the shouting. The announcement that dad is a bastard, he is rude, he is cheating. Seeing dad with Saweetie, remember that? Like I see the younger ones and I am jealous that they get the peace, they have the perfect wake up, the perfect home. I am jealous but like it’s whatever, the tester kids can be ok” I chuckled “and we can! Imani is well, me I am well and you! So can you, but how is Oakley? I mean I haven’t been keeping up with him but my god, that video. Rylee, to see you with him. I love the sunset moment; I feel like he was so happy with you. And you was so good with him, you can see the love in your eyes. Like noting is different with him, I cried, and it made a big man like Taylan say, that guy loves her. I was like huh? And he was teary eyed, and he just said, the way he looks at her, he does. I doubted him and I feel bad, he feels bad. Like a lot happened and I feel like it’s a second chance at life for him, and if you ever do speak to him. Or if we do, he deserves a sorry, a proper one. But Taylan was sad, not like him at all but it was heart-breaking to see, look at me now” she laughed, she is getting emotional “and I ruined it really, I didn’t realise in that moment when I was recording him that he was doing that. I was behind the camera just stressed out, and I was upset. It was hard to see him, he wasn’t eating or anything. Just yeah, but I pushed him so much that he overdosed and like the therapist said, it wasn’t your fault, but it can add to the issue, he said that I am not evil, but I have a notion of getting revenge, and it sounds like mom so much. Am I Rihanna?” Ti busted out laughing “you are, and I am sorry to hear that for you” side eyeing her.

Placing my drink down “how is you and Taylan? Enough about my sad life” she waved me off “be quiet, but it’s well. We are well, the space did us better. I feel like we are communicating better, we miss each other more. He used to be demanding, and a little too much and it was always about him, now it’s like we are one, we are equal. He said to me that you know, come back to New York, I said no babe. I am in LA, but we make it work. I go there and he comes here, I just feel like we needed that space. He needed to understand I don’t need him too” she laughed “yeah like you was too open to him, like he assumed you needed him?” I said “exactly that, I think eventually I told him that you may need to move to me, and he didn’t like it but he was silent, I feel his silence is him agreeing to disagree” I chuckled “I am happy for you, even if like you know me. Even if I didn’t like him you lasted well with him, seems like you have your way, I may not like your posts too” she pointed at me “bitch, I noticed! Are you the one reporting me” I laughed “bitch no! I just was like fuck these lovers, fuck them but it’s cute too. Oh my god, you know what mom said to me, she said she thinks Imani and Willow are you know” eyeballing “shut up!” Ti spat “I was like mom she likes boys; mom thinks Imani is lesbian but won’t admit it, I am like what!? So I think we need to intervene, we need to find out because mom is on something but then she said, tell me a boy she likes, I couldn’t say” Ti is in shock “no way” she said again “it’s all going on in this house” I chuckled.

I feel like a child being here with my mother, the way she escorts me to the session makes me laugh so she knows I am going to it “you always laugh when your mother escorts you here and watches you sit down” he said, “uh yeah because she thinks I’m a child, I can walk here to this room myself, but she doesn’t trust me” I shrugged, she is funny “she cares, so shall we get right to it?” Nodding my head “how has your week been? Since we have changed it to a week now, tell me what is your feeling? You seem light hearted” he got that “I am, just my sister is here and it’s nice to talk to her and really just speak on things we both went through especially when she witnessed it too, I’m happy” I admitted, I feel it “good, I think as we enter your new era and as you see your sister as not your enemy, I mean we spoke on that and came to the conclusion that she wasn’t your enemy, she was also a child going through the same as you but because you took it and you tried protecting them you saw that they didn’t go through it and you dealt with her trauma alone, it is never the case. You all three went through it and with talking you get to hear it, when you don’t talk or listen we close off. So your sister is here, that is Tianna?” Nodding my head “also Oakley is out of his coma, which is such good news and he mentioned me, he remembers me. He suffered memory loss, but he remembers me” I gushed, he laughed which I don’t know if that is a good thing “how did that make you feel?” He asked “hope, if my mom and dad didn’t have me locked down I would be in London right now” I had to say what I know I would do “and we discussed the notion of jumping, I am glad you didn’t. That is something you don’t need to do when you are healing yourself, but I am glad to see you feel happiness and hope. But we need to stop jumping and start thinking, it’s a step forward and I’m praising you for staying and sticking around. You are taking it in, what is your future plan? Clearly you don’t want to be here at your parents’ home?” Shaking my head “back to London, I want to get back to not normal because that wasn’t good but back to where my heart is. I am hoping I can get back to Oakley, even speak to him as a friend. Nobody understands the bond we have” he pointed his own at me “why don’t people understand? What makes you think they don’t?” He always gets me with this “the age gap, they see I am a child and I have shown I have been. But because they see age gap they don’t think we belong” he nodded his head “but you feel you do belong; how would you feel if Oakley said no?” I swallowed hard “there could be a moment where he may say no? What will you do?” He squinted his eyes at me; that alone hurt to hear “co-parent with him and be there for Aziel” he is judging me “but you’re hurting, it’s ok to hurt Rylee. You’re not a robot but it’s how your react and do things” I will be upset but I need to work on that, I miss him so much.

“Have you spoken to North? We spoke on this and how you feel that you both can’t be friends?” That is something I need to do “no, but I know like, I feel like we are friends but friends with the past us. She wants me to be something I’m not and when I do be that I lose myself, and I feel as a friend she would know that. Lillian and Halle are upset with me, and I still don’t know where to put my face with them, it’s a shot situation. They told me; they begged me. They knew it and I didn’t listen, and I feel ashamed” I ranted “never feel ashamed, real friends will understand you need to make that move. Maybe you need to gather the momentum to do it, this week?” I chuckled “erm yeah” I grinned “I will ask this, so how about Aziel, how are things?” I believe he will “steady, he did come to me during the week, he fell down or should I say my brother was playing football and he threw the ball it hit him, and he fell and he cried to me, he came to me. And I felt so” I dragged out “emotional because he tried to not come to me, he was always going to others but then all of a sudden he came to me, he wanted to come to me, he wanted mommy and that really made me emotional because I miss hearing that. But also he knew that I would sort my brothers out” I chuckled “I see so he thought mother would be the one, but have you taken the steps to try and be there and be around him more” nodding my head “he didn’t like me touching him because I think he saw me with Saint and he didn’t like that, but now he’s letting me touch him and that alone it makes me happy, I think it’s a slow process. Maybe he’s realised Saint isn’t around” I just want my son and I to be back to normal, but I know it will be a slow process, I am willing to do that.

My mother and Tianna just stared at me like something bad has happened, I come out of therapy smiling and they are gloomy “I’m going to call my lawyer, tell her” my mom walked off “what happened now?” Ti huffed out, did something happen “why did I come back with such negativity? What happened?” I am so confused “Saint hasn’t stopped, he posted you again and wrote a rant. Just stand there, he wrote. Rylee hiding behind her dad now when she was out there riding me and my car with her son in the back, she said this is the life she wanted. She didn’t want to be no baby mother and not to a nobody that is on his death bed. You want to start we can start, you’re a drunk mess spilling secrets of how you didn’t love Oakley, but you was stuck with him because you had that child. If you want to start then I have video of you drunk. Don’t come to my mom home again and act like you own shit when you don’t. And then there is a video of you drunk, like clearly you talking shit, but he is incriminating himself because he grabs your face and you said like your dick, but you was so out of it, and he posts another one where you’re passed out and Aziel is there” my mouth fell open “mom is getting her lawyer, she is fixing it. Don’t worry about it, he is bitter. You are doing great, fuck that but that is what happened” Ti is talking but my heart has dropped, I am speechless “why would he do that, that is lies. Why bring Oakley into it. Oh my god” my heart is in my mouth, like this is horrible “Rylee, don’t be upset about it, men for you” I swallowed hard “but dad did call, he is so mad, but Oakley family are calling you unfit, and said after everything you done to him. But dad is fixing it” I just broke down crying, this is a mess.

[wonilye]

kingmaker | p.sh

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CHAPTER IV

As an assassin working for the Hwangs, you have proven your loyalty to your benefactors for more than a decade. But when Lady Hwang's plans for a rebellion land you in a bride selection for the Crown Prince, you find yourself at a loss. Unfamiliar with the ways of the gentry, your reliance on a previously unknown informant is your only source of hope. And yet, you learn very quickly that no one in high society can be trusted, including yourself. Because who else but you is there to assassinate the King?

WARNING: this chapter has very graphic depictions of blood and fighting. please do check the masterlist for potential triggers/themes you feel uncomfortable with!

Dinner has never, never felt this awkward. It certainly proves that good food can’t beat good company. And right now, you’re sorely lacking in the latter department.

All the candidates seated themselves at the table, with a sort of hierarchy already formed — the girls with more influence had gone straight to seats nearer to the royals, while the less influential had been shoved down the end of the table. You are somewhere near the middle, and as you pick apart your meat you can’t help but think that you’d rather be anywhere else. As delicious as it must be, having been prepared by a royal chef, the taste is lost on you, as you’re so focused on your surroundings and that courtier that you haven’t got the capacity to be enjoying a meal.

The cacophony of clinking forks echoes through the dining room, void of conversation of any sort. Other than inviting you all to eat, the royals have not spoken. From your etiquette lessons with Yeji, you’ve learnt that it would be a grave sin to speak before one is spoken to in the presence of someone of a higher rank. To even initiate a conversation with royalty would have you sent straight to the gallows.

Finally, Crown Prince Jay speaks. “As we begin, I’d like to explain some conditions I have set for our selection process.” He glances around, surveying the long table and the faces residing it. “Firstly, your title no longer matters from here on. You will only be addressed as a candidate, which takes precedence over any title you are set to inherit.”

Clear as day, there is a change in demeanour of the highest of the highborns. To be lumped into the same category as the daughter of a mere baron would be a faux pas of the highest order in any other case, yet you suppose it is necessary for a fair competition.

Although you have to admit, fairness is not something you expected of the crown.

As the prince clears his throat, you turn back to the head of the table. “Second of all, sabotage of other candidates is strictly prohibited. If you are to be discovered, you will automatically be disqualified, and your household will be stripped of its title for attempting to damage property of the crown.”

Property. The word leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, though you aren’t even the person who said it. From the moment you set foot in this palace, you have become mere dolled-up goods, subject to Prince Jay’s evaluation. To be picked apart like you are nothing more than livestock in a dress is a price, however, worth paying for if one’s a mere baron, with little land and power. Ladies of the court as you may be, but the reality is that you are no less than glamorised pawns of the nobility.

Still, you force a serene smile, as you notice most of the girls have started doing, if they are wise. Swallowing down the food, your throat burning like land in a drought, you can only focus on a spot near the prince’s plate.

You have spent your night observing the prince with whatever view your bowed head can give you. He is arrogant, that much is certain, what with his chin tilted upwards as he gazes down on each girl, seated at the table just for him. He is handsome, you concede. Would that you were any less focused, you might be like any other girl in the kingdom, captivated by his honeyed skin and sharpened features, with an equally piercing gaze to match. He is every bit the haughty prince you had pictured him to be.

But ogling is for the free.

The queen finally decides to be hospitable, eyes landing on a young girl at the foot of the table – a pretty thing by the name of Jin Sol. “Lady Bae, you have barely touched your food. Are you well?”

As she stammers out a reply, the atmosphere finally lightens, and conversation begins to pick up amongst the candidates. The men of the family pointedly do not speak with you, but Prince Jay’s glare seem to soften ever so slightly.

And still, the courtier has his eyes on you.

Night falls as the dinner goes on, and after an excruciatingly tense meal, you are finally released from your prison of pie and miniature cakes. An aide leads the girls to a wing of the palace, much deeper in than the dining hall you were in before. As you move towards what you guess is meant to be the candidates’ quarters, you pass a quiet rose garden, complete with a hedge maze. Judging by the bubbling of running water, there must be a fountain of some sort within the maze, if not at the centre. According to the information provided in the letter sent to every household in the running, the prince will likely invite different girls who catch his eye to every picturesque spot in the palace, not excluding this one.

You are on constant alert, committing your surroundings to memory. Tonight is a good opportunity for a stakeout, for you to get a clear idea of the palace’s layout. Not all of the architecture is covered in the blueprints you were provided with.

As it turns out, your private room is absolutely luxurious, with marbled floors and fixtures. Even the tap is gold-plated. A little ostentatious, but reflective of the nature of royalty. A canopy bed sits in the middle of the room, along with brilliant red bed covers. Such extravagance is foreign to you, who has called the communal servants’ quarters home for most of your life. There’s a voice in your head, telling you you don’t belong here.

But Hwang Eunji does. And as long as that aide continues to ramble on about the palace’s six-hundred-and-thirty lavatories, you are Hwang Eunji.

“You will be assigned a lady-in-waiting in the morning. Until then, you may rest for the night. Should you require any assistance, you may call for a servant.” And with that, he finally leaves you alone in your chambers.

As the door shuts behind him, you heave a sigh of utter relief. The wardrobes are filled with gowns and slippers, some from the palace, others supplied by the duchy. As a duchess, Lady Hwang would never allow her “sister” to be caught wearing clothes of subpar quality, hence you were shipped off with the collection.

But right now, the article of clothing you need sits hidden in a tiny wooden trunk. As planned, you find it safely tucked away at the very back of the wardrobe. It opens with a click, and you quickly change into a dark tunic and pants, with a heavy hooded cloak. You swap your gleaming heels for a lightweight pair of boots. Sticking your hand into your pocket, your fingers connect with the original blueprints provided by your informant. There’s been no news from the informant since you left the duchy, and your only option is to hope they’re waiting for you tonight, somewhere in the palace.

You are pleased to find a balcony with a rather low vantage point. With a view of some paths within the palace, it’s a decent place to start. You attach a rope to the balcony’s barrier, swinging your legs over as you begin to lower yourself along the walls. Palace guards are stationed at each entrance, and you have to take caution to avoid them sensing your presence.

It seems this wing of the palace is a little less imperious than the exterior. Based on the lush ivy creeping up the walls, it certainly feels less…cold. It serves as a good grip too, lest you lose your balance and go hurtling to your death.

Finally, you reach the bottom, your feet connecting with the ground in a soundless motion. Taking soft footsteps, you make your way into the shadows of a grand arch. The bits and pieces of a conversation drift through the cool night air, something about “underbaked pie”. You must be near the candidates’ kitchens, then.

If your memory serves you correctly, that fountain you heard earlier is nearby. It would be the best meetup point, considering the frothy gurgling would drown out any conversation you were having. And if this informant’s as clever as you think they are, they’ll be there waiting for you.

In a flash, you’re sprinting towards the sweet scent of roses, careful to keep your footsteps silent. Despite the guards milling about, they’re no match for your stealth. You manage to slip into the hedge maze within minutes. The problem now is to navigate your way through.

It turns out that you find little difficulty in finding the centre, simply following the rushing water’s call. It takes little to no time for you to get through the neatly-trimmed hedges, each dotted with blood red roses that remain striking despite the dark of night. But it isn’t the flowers that steal your breath away; rather it’s a familiar head of silvery hair.

Before the fountain stands a man, his tall and lean figure casting a shadow at your feet. Each strand of his hair shines as though it were woven by the moonlight, catching whatever faint light that bleeds through the leaves of the maze. With his back facing you, you cannot tell whether he has sensed your presence. Although something tells you he has, and he’s been expecting your arrival, just as you’d predicted.

Unless he’s here to catch you red-handed, all evidence points to the crown prince’s courtier being the duchess’ informant.

You sift through your memory for his name, but you cannot recall Lord Hwang’s warnings of this man. He might be revered throughout the palace, but in no way could your masters and mistress have ever expected someone at the crown prince’s very side to be your source of information. And you, for the life of you, cannot remember his name, through no fault of your own.

Still, you quickly regain your composure. “We’ve met.”

The courtier finally lifts his head, and you see a rich cobalt mask, studded with pearls, obscuring the top half of his face, not that it matters anymore. “Oh? That is indeed strange. I do not recall ever meeting you, stranger.” His voice is low, but you can hear the hint of amusement regardless. “If I asked for your name, would you give it to me?”

“A name means too much in our line of work. You should know this, or are you simply the crown prince’s lapdog?” Tit-for-tat. With your voice muffled by the fabric across your face, he will find it hard to determine your gender at all. There is power in knowing everything about the other party, while they know nothing about you at all.

Prince Jay’s courtier simply chuckles, his hands fidgeting with what you think is the stalk of a rose, its head lopped off and floating in the fountain like a decapitated swan. Did he do that himself? “As expected of the Hwangs’ finest. Though I must admit, I am indeed surprised to find that they’ve sent their right-hand man. Are your masters so desperate?”

You clench your fists. “What have you to say?”

“My name, for one.” The courtier sighs, mock-wistfully as he eyes you. “Park Sunghoon, although I’m sure you already knew it. And you…” He pauses, the ghost of a smirk on his lips. “I have heard of you. The Hwangs’ blade, a bloodthirsty pawn in a grand game of rebellion. Tell me, why are you here?”

“You ask too many questions.”

“If we are to form an alliance, it is necessary, no?” It’s a hard guess, but even if he’s not on your side, it will be no effort to prevent him from revealing your presence.

There’s a moment of silence as Park Sunghoon ponders on your words. “True. But I know you do not trust me, and it goes both ways. It seems we will have to earn each other’s favour, after all.”

Your hand moves towards the hilt of your blade. “Then so be it. First test: prove your skill to me.” You barely give him time to react before you’re taking a swing at him with your sword, but he dodges out of the way with finesse to rival yours. Interesting.

He runs, first up a pipe, then hoisting himself onto the layered roof tiles. With a smirk, he beckons towards you.

Under a cloudy sky, he takes you on, parrying your every attack. He’s strong, and quick on his feet. He’s got experience, to boot, enough to go head-to-head with you and not get knocked down easily. As his blade catches the moonlight, the silvery glint gives him a deadly aura. The chill that runs through you does little to shake you on the outside, but in your mind you know one thing: Park Sunghoon is not as simple as you think he is.

There is little to no sound as your blades slice through the air, a little like a dance. You do not intend to hurt him, and he knows this. Yet your reputation must precede you, seeing as he hasn’t shown any sign of weakness up to this point. Simply put, he fears you, maybe even much more than he’s letting on.

It takes a surprising amount of effort to parry his blade. Adrenaline courses through your veins as you feel your muscles burn with every onslaught of blows he launches at you. The metallic clang of your swords colliding rings in your ears, and you’re thankful he picked a spot far away from the guards, or you would be impaled by hundreds of arrows by now.

It’s about time you end it, you think to yourself, as you finally force him backwards in a series of vicious strikes. By now, he’s starting to run out of steam, clearly not used to drawn-out fights. And as his foot reaches the edge of the roof, you shove him onto his back. You bring your weapon down, stopping abruptly right at his throat. But simultaneously, the iron’s cold kiss through the fabric of your clothes on your chest registers. His blade is ready to plunge into your heart, yours ready to slice his neck off. He’s drawn with you.

No one has ever drawn with you, not since you bested Lord Hyunjin years ago.

With a sigh, you give him your hand, pulling him off the edge. “It seems you’re more capable than I imagined.”

”Our line of work, as you said.” He takes your hand with a grin, dusting himself off as he sheathes his sword. “I hardly expected to come out of a battle with you alive, you know. You are a formidable foe.”

“That I am, Park Sunghoon. Luckily for you, I have yet to make full use of you.”

“How comforting.”

You scoff, but you take out a small blade, creating a small gash on the palm of your hand. You hold out your bleeding hand again. “From this moment forth, we are allies, you and I. Do not harm me, and I will see that no harm comes to you. Our common cause shall bring us together despite our differences. Do you swear it?”

Sunghoon doesn’t know this, but you need this blood oath to happen. You cannot allow any room for betrayal of any sort. Much as you know it is unwise, you have no other ally in this palace of lies and trickery, and you need him to guide you through it all.

Yet he takes the knife from your other hand, slicing a much larger wound into his own palm. With full confidence, he grasps your right hand, the fresh blood mixing as his grip tightens. “I swear it. I will trust you, right hand of your masters. May our alliance be a fruitful one, and may our joined hands never part in times of need.” The moon peeks out of the clouds, bearing witness to your newly-formed alliance.

You release his hand, tossing him a bundle of bandages as you wrangle with your own. There’s blood flowing down your forearms, and you hasten to staunch the bleeding. “We shall correspond in your private quarters next. Out here would be far too dangerous. Keep an eye out for my arrival.” You watch as he nods, turning to leave, but he hesitates. “One moment.”

”What is it?”

”I never caught your name.”

”In due time, Park Sunghoon.”

And as he disappears down the side of the walls, you sigh. There is much to be done, and little you know. But the thought of a single ally you’ve made…

Well, you suppose there’s some hope after all.

a/n: well!! supremely late, i am soooo so sorry TT life is so sfkhbks. can you tell i’m a severely addicted webcomic reader who only knows how to imagine fight scenes HAHA…anyway i’m really hoping you’ll like this one <3 see you guys in two weeks! (might do a double update if i’m free, we shall see)

taglist (open!)

@stariikis @viagumi @chenfleur @ilovejeongin007

[outofcontexturi]

Wednesday 8th Nov 2023 19:29pm journal

Juliet’s mum gave me some great advice about my career going ahead and I’m going to take it on board. I mean I think I’m already doing it but her saying it means I MUST do it now. I went to Delfino’s in Mayfair. lovely food. 9/10. The tiramisu was very nice. So was the pepperoni pizza (simple I know, but still very beautiful!) I’ve been listening to a Tony robbins seminar for most of my day. Making notes. Did some press ups (need to do 40-50 more). Took a cold shower again today. Need to take a warm one before I go to sleep. Need to put together tomorrows fit. I’ve got my breakfast sorted. I want my lights off by 10. I want to be asleep by 10:40pm. I still need to think about next years quarterly plan so I have something in place. I don’t want to be worrying mid-late December about next year so I need to pattern that asap. I’ve decided that the mantra for my life going forward is: look good (great), feel good (great), eat good (great), smell good (GREAT), fuck good (GREAT), love good (great) and more importantly be good (great). To be what I call the “ultimate man”. If I’ve hit all of these good(s) I’m what I consider the ultimate man. self love is a complete love every other love outside of parental love is complementary. life to me right now is a mental game. and if you’re mentally weak you’ll always feel like you’re losing or that life is bad. I’ve started asking myself what’s my focus? I’ll stop whatever I’m doing and ask myself that question and consider if I should continue focusing on it (helpful) or to stop cause it’s not helpful. I can only control myself and not others. I’m glad I’m learning now and applying it into my life. I’ve also noticed but not thoroughly understood that I’ve learnt a lot of things but haven’t applied what I’ve learnt to things so I don’t trust that I’ve learnt it which has been a big reason why I’ve not done much but that changes this month. I want more responsibility and to figure out a way to be more responsible cause I become better that way and I’m all about getting better. Amen. Thank you God. ♥���🥹 I’m enough!

[kunalkarankapoor]

highlights was the whole scene with Maitree and Saransh as he revealed everything. It said that a criminal is caught when he becomes over confident and makes mistakes. Or maybe.... Saransh doesn't have anything to lose so he doesn't care. What if he actually starts caring for someone and the fear of losing kick in??? It would be interesting. Saransh does have some empathy even though he has been a drug addict for a long time. His behaviour is caused by drugs, trauma and anger. If we go back in the past and as much as I have seen of the show then his father #abandoning him as a kid (by the way where is his father now??) Mother was possessive and controlling (why haven't we got a mother and son moment between them??) We don't know much about his life abroad, but as Ashish was a lawyer you can guess the pressure. He was loved and adored by his family till the mask fell off and they found out the truth of his addiction. So facing his family can't be easy either. Saransh is kind of running from himself and to not have to face himself he blames everything on Maitree. She is the reason he lost everything!! My point. You are negative for a reason and that reason is valid for you. Not an excuse to hurt others, because if you know right from wrong, you have a choice to choose right. I don't want Saransh just to be another villain as Kunal gave the character so many shades in the first episode through his performance. If the makers/writers do justice, Kunal Karan Kapoor can take it beyond what they at first had expected. Simple because the character is complex and Kunal's portrayal of various emotions. The best villains are the once that you somehow sympathise with. And Kunal gave Saransh just that.

As Saransh is a drug addict, manipulation and lies would be part of him. To hurt Maitree he would emotionally manipulate Maitree and enjoy seeing her fear, but he wouldn't bring a snake into the house. He would love the control as he can't control his own drug addiction. Every step Saransh takes is to show Maitree, HE is in control over her life....as that makes him feel powerful. That snake thing is out of character in my opinion and definitely the channels call. As zeetv always brings a snake attack scene. I don't get it. It is obvious that the snake is fake as they don't want to spend money on it looking real. We all know it's not going to bite and if it does the person will survive. So why waste a brilliant artist on a scene like this?? when you can have him emotionally manipulate everyone and emotionally torture someone. This will also give shade to other characters that are standing still and not growing. From showing Saransh playing mind games and manipulating to an upcoming episode with him bringing a snake into the home 🤷 I would also mention again that an impactful villain is when you see things from his point of view and not just a villain. Kunal Karan Kapoor showed that through his performance and the makers/writers/channel need to explore that through their "creativity". I know I know....just the second episode...be patient. Sometimes a filling episode is needed. But I have also learnt that speaking up as a viewer is important and not just wait and trust the channel. Ps. As Saransh is just my kind of character and I love digging into why...on top of that Kunal Karan Kapoor brings out many shades....my caption will be long.

Yesterday's episode was a filler episode but Kunal Karan Kapoor looked 🔥 I loved how Kunal made sure to sniff and rub his nose as he is a drug addict. Honestly I am not really getting what the creators are up to. Harsh mom will make an entry again and another actor roped in 🤷 well that what media is saying. They haven't even fully explored Kunal's character yet, but just rushing it in the name of twists and turns. They said that the entry will have us sitting on our edge. Yes I am sitting on the edge of my seat, but not because of the twist and turn of a snake in the house, but because they are not getting it. How brilliant this character is and how much they can do with it. How can they have such a phenomenal artist and a layered character and not squeeze every bit out. I would seriously have thrown this character through every possible moment just to watch how far a talented artist like Kunal can go. * I would have created situations, when he was from being calm and in control to being restless and unpredictable. * I would have in some small moments made him seem a little crazy. * I would have him battle inner demons, being "evil" but then feeling guilty. * I would have created some moment when he seemed a little creepy but in the next longing for love. * I would have him being out of control, then in fear and scared like a kid.... crawling into a safe place to his mom. Just imagine Kunal Karan Kapoor in scenes like this. Switching in personality 🔥🔥 how awesome it would be. Said that, then #KunalKaranKapoor has through his performance ✔️ some of the things mentioned above. I just wish the writers and creators would focus on exploring every shade of this character with him. I know it's just the third episode and I should be patient. But the fact is also that if TRP doesn't change the show will go off air and I wouldn't get to watch Kunal as Saransh. I WANT MORE.... And I desperately would like the creators to understand, that THIS is the CHARACTER to focus on now. We women love grey characters. Someone we can save. This character will also bring layers to the other characters.

Lost identity!! Saransh is pretending to be Ashish but has a new face. When he looks in the mirror he doesn't see Saransh or Ashish. On top of that the drug has taken over the real Saransh. The struggle within lays in, do you let the inner beast take over and feel the freedom or do you fight your inner demons to keep some sanity. Fact is that Saransh has been addicted to drugs for too long to be "normal" at the same time he still has some humanity in him as he did feel discomfort when Nandini hugged him and some guilt. We also saw him feeling Ashish's mom's pain as he hugged her. The question is if it was care or because he has done something to Ashish?? I love the complexity of this character because he can be full on "evil" with no empathy at all, if that's what the creators want or he can be a lost soul that could be saved and that journey would be so awesome to watch. I love when an artist like Kunal Karan Kapoor brings out so many shades that it kind of gives the writers and creators the option to take the character anywhere they want and that is the reason for my frustration yesterday. Grap it and run with it... If you have an artist that can convince either way, why not fully explore all the options???

I love these shots 🔥 In yesterday's episode you saw Saransh rolling a note and he had that in his hand throughout the episode till the truth came out. I really liked that detail as it seems as it calmed him doing so. We also saw that Saransh was standing in the background as the family was gathered. Detaching himself from the family but observing. One of the reasons I love grey characters is that it is like a puzzle. You try to fit the pieces in their right places and in the end, there will be a piece missing. Because a complex character like Saransh, will never make fully sense. I would also like to mention that one of many things that I love about Kunal Karan Kapoor is that no matter if his character is the victim or believes he is. Kunal makes sure through his portrayal and voice modulation, that the character doesn't seem weak or someone who pity himself. Like in yesterday's episode. It was all about Saransh's feelings of being left alone and no one being there for him. There was pain and there was anger, but not even once self pity in his voice. It is not clear if Kunal Karan Kapoor is a permanent part of the show or if he is doing a cameo, but it is a treat to watch him in a complex and layered character like this. He raised the bar. Be it quality or performance. He is a fresh breath of air that surrounds around and bond everyone together with the way he naturally and sincerely connects with every character. Bringing out the best in them. #proud that here we have a true artist, who challenges himself and always makes a comeback in something different. Character vise and performance vice. Surprise packed he is as his talent has no boundaries.