#Has and just freeze everything. Just accept this is it for her theres nothing else she can get nothing else she needs

[qtubbo]

there’s something to be said about how bagi acted after tubbo lost the fight, the way she silently followed him and kept him just in the corner of her vision. She wasn’t very sure she should be the one to comfort him, but she also didn’t want him to be an afterthought. Honestly, I think she was projecting a lot about her worries of being forgotten and left behind again, the way she repeatedly went up to say something before backing up. She didn’t want him to feel alone but she was scared that she was doing to much again, that she was too much. From her perspective he looked so very lonely, and loneliness hits her harder than most.

[lostinyourparadise98]

Let You Go

a/n: I hope you all enjoy! please like and share this one is kind of long (:

“You know I will always support you but I cannot let you do this.”

I roll down the sleeves of my sweater letting the fabric swipe away the tears that pool from my eyes. Ive told myself over and over again to never let it get to this point. To never let anyone see how much I love him but its too late.

“I can't do this Brooke, its too hard.” My voice comes out as a whisper as Brooke sits beside me on the cold bathroom tile. She rests her head against the wall grabbing my hand in hers and sighing deeply.

“The wedding is tomorrow pet, you cannot just bail he is your best friend.”

Ive spent most of my life convincing myself that one day I would build up the courage to tell him the truth. That one day he would see me across the room, look into my eyes and that would be it. He would smile while walking over to me  and kiss me till the world melted away. Sometimes life doesn't work out that way. So, here I am sitting on my bathroom floor with my roommate the day before the love of my life gets married, fighting with what I want to do and with what I know I have too.

“I cant even say his name without crying Brooke ” I rest my head on her shoulder.

“Im going to be honest with you okay? This i going to be the hardest thing you will ever have to do but I promise you, when you look back you won't regret it. You can't just disappear you have to take tomorrow as an opportunity to receive closure. To, to-”

“Let him go?” I finish her sentence

“Yes lovely, its time to let him go.”

The next morning

The sun shines bright today as I stand in front of the mirror. I  run my hands along the side of my dress making sure everything is in place. The peach colored fabric runs a couple of inches above my feet. I don't normally wear backless but Brooke talked me into it. My hair is neatly curled falling just below my shoulders.

“Y/n! Gemma is here.” Brooke calls for me.

Taking one last look at myself I head downstairs following Brooke and Gammas laughter in the kitchen. My eyes land on Gemma she looks absolutely stunning she is practically glowing.

“Y/n look at you, oh my goodness you look amazing.” She pulls me in for a hug 

“You look incredible Gem.”

“Thank you sweets. Well what do you say are you ready to go?”

no no no no no no

“Yes all set!” 

“Have a good time you two. You both look beautiful ill pick you up later Y/N.” Brooke walks us to the door

We make our way to Gammas car. I have to continuously remind myself to breathe. I need to get it together.

“Hey wait.” Gemma lightly grabs my hand 

“whats up did you forget something?” I ask 

“Are you okay?” Her eyes are filled with compassion and love 

“Of course I'm okay why would you-”

“Y/n you're my brothers best friend I have known you my entire life you don't have to pretend around me.” Holy shit she knows 

“What are you talking about?” Please don't make me talk about this 

“y/n, don't play with me I see you. Its the way you look at him, hell even in the way you say his name. You love him.”

“Please Gemma I can't”

“I know my love, I know. I am so sorry y/n you have no idea how much I am hurting for you, I promise you I will be here for you okay? If you need to take a breather or something is too much for you to handle just tell me and we will get through it together.”

“You shouldn't have to do that Gem its your brothers wedding day. You should be happy celebrating him not babysitting me.”

“I love my brother more than anything on this planet but that doesn't mean I have to agree with everything he does.”

“Gem Emma is perfect for Harry. She makes him over the moon happy that is all I want for him. I guess thats what makes it worse she absolutely  lovely, not a bad bone in her body.”

“Don't get me wrong I adore Emma but its always been you two, always. trust me I'm not the only one who thinks so.”

“Who else knows?” 

“My mum, well its basically obvious to everyone but Harry. Tell you the boy is clueless.”

“He doesn't love me Gem I have to accept it.” 

“You're the strongest person I know y/n.” 

The car ride to the church is spent with Gemma filling the air with small talk. I can tell she is trying to distract me bless her soul. There is nothing on this Earth that could pull me away from this pain. I should have told him why the hell did I not take a chance. What if he felt the same way, what if-

“y/n? you ready.” 

It takes me a moment to realize that we have arrived to the church. I take a deep breathe and nod. I step out of the car and force myself to smile. This is going to be a very long night. 

We step through the doors and I am taken back by how beautiful the church is. We are one of the first people here Anne greets us right away, hugging Gemma first then making her way to me. She immediately wraps her arms around me and whispers.

“He is looking for you I can come up with something if you're not ready to see him.” I pull away 

“No, Its okay I'm ready.” Anne leads me to the back room where Harry is we both stand blankly in front of the door.

“I love you my sweet girl let know if you need anything.” 

“Thank you Anne I love you too.” She gently smiles and quietly walks away

I can feel my heart fall to my throat. My hand begins to shake as I slowly lift it and begin knocking.

“Come in.” His voice causes my heart to race my mouth goes dry I slowly turn the knob and enter. 

Harry stands in front of a tiny mirror adjusting his curly hair. He turns to face me and his face turns up into a bright smile. This is so hard 

“Hey, there you are come in.” the sun light streaming through the window causes his skin to radiate a heavenly glow. His eyes, My God those eyes I never want them to leave mine.

“Look at you, you look so handsome ” don't cry don't cry don't cry 

He walks closer to me, “Thank you petal, you know its crazy to think that you use to be taller than me.”

“Oh hush you'll shrink down by the time you're forty. You'll probably be balding by then too.”

He dramatically gasps, “Okay now you've crossed a line.” we both chuckle as he walks behind me grabbing two glasses and a bottle of champagne. He pops the Champagne open and begins pouring.

“I don’t think Ive ever been this nervous.” he hands me a glass 

“You’ll be fine you have nothing to worry about.”

“I need you to know that it means the world to me that you're here. You're my best friend and I could not imagine doing this without you.”

“Of course Harry what are friends for?” He steps closer to me 

“Can you promise me something?” His eyes poor into mine, it takes everything in me not to fall into his arms and confess everything. All I can do is nod as he continues.

“Promise me that we will be in each others lives forever. That we will spend holidays together and our kids will grow up and become best friends just like we did.” 

“I promise.” I raise my glass to his clinking it 

“Heres to forever.”

“To forever.” A forever next to a man I can never have. 

The ceremony begins, I watched Harry step up to the alter messing with his fingers as he waits for his bride. A nervous habit he has never been able to break. Theres a moment when everything goes silent my eyes are glued to Harry. His eyes are wide, his smile the brightest I have ever seen. I can't stop myself from grinning along with him. He looks so happy, Emma makes her way closer to him their eyes are focused on each other. I watch him  mouth the words ‘I love you’ and in that moment my heart shatters. 

They exchange their vows giving the rest of their lives to one another. I sat in silence counting all the times I could have confessed. Once the ceremony ends I drive with Niall and Louis to the reception. Its nice to get pulled out of reality for awhile. Louis is the best person to go to when you need a distraction. Once we reach the reception I find my name tag and take my seat. I'm able to get through dinner and make polite conversation. The Dj announces Mr and Mrs. styles are about to have their fist dance. I couldn't sit through it, I had to excuse myself.

I tried my best to be inconspicuous as I snuck through the back. The cool summer breeze kissed my skin, the sun began to set as I listened to their song in the background. I have never felt so empty. I couldn't hold back anymore I let myself unravel I let every tear Ive ever held back fall.

I didn't realize how long I was outside till the moon began to rise. I was suddenly pulled away from my thoughts when the back door opened.

“y/n? What are you doing out here I have been looking all over for you.” I can't bring myself to face him.

“y/n? petal its freezing out here.” I feel him begin to wrap his tux around me but I pull away.

“You don't have to do that I'm okay.” he stands closer to me 

“Have you been crying?” 

“I��m okay its probably just the wine you know how I get.” I try my best to keep my voice calm but the lump in my throat gets bigger and bigger 

“Hey, hey, hey look at me. You can talk to me y/n its me.”

“Harry please just go inside Ill be okay I promise just go back and enjoy your wedding.”

“I can't enjoy it knowing you’re out here by yourself crying. You haven't even danced with me yet.” I can't help but chuckle at his concern 

“Come on please petal come dance with me I have a song picked out and everything.”

“Harry I can't, Im sorry I just can't.”

“Thats okay we can dance right here.”

“Here?”

“well you won't go inside come on come here.”

He wraps his hands around my waist and I place mine on his shoulders. We slowly sway back and fourth even though the Dj is playing a fast paced song. I can't handle looking at him so I place my head on his shoulder.

“Petal I want you to know that whatever is bothering you will get better. I will be here when you are ready to talk about it. I want you to enjoy yourself tonight I can't stand to see you sad. Emma will be heartbroken if she knew you were so upset.” And with that I lost it again, I pulled away from him.

“I have to go Harry.” 

“What why?”

“I can't handle this anymore.”

“y/n please talk to me you're freaking me out.”

“Its too much I will ruin everything if I tell you.” He grabs my hands in his attempting to calm me down 

“Please just talk to me I promise you aren't going to ruin anything.”

“You are the most important person in my life Harry. You have been here for me my entire life and your friendship means the world to me. I thought I could push it away, I thought I would be able to do this but its impossible because I'm in love with you. I don't expect you to do or say anything I just needed you to know. I will leave and you won't have to worry about me intruding I promise I am so sorry for ruining everything I just-” 

He wraps his arms around me and pulls my body close to his chest. I slowly bring my arms around him, hugging him back. I hear him sniffle and realize he is crying. He pulls away for a moment and puts his forehead against mine

“I should have told you.” he whispers 

“What?” This can't be happening 

“Its always been you y/n.”

“You can't say that to me Harry this can't happen its too late.”

“I know.” Tears streaming down both of our face 

“Its best for the both of us if I disappear for awhile Harry.”

“Petal please don't you're my best friend, I love you.”

“I love you too but this is too hard I can't watch you kiss her its too painful I just need some time.”

“Please don't do this.”

“Harry I have to let you go.”

“I know that you understand that I love Emma with all my heart. She makes me so happy and for a long time I was convinced I would never have that. She is my wife and I will always honor and be loyal to her. But that will never change the fact that you will always be my first. It was you from the beginning, you will aways be in my heart fucking always. Promise me you won't let this change us please.”

“I can't promise that. I just need to go away for awhile please don't be upset with me.”

He leans down and presses his lips to my forehead.

“I could never be upset with I just can't believe we have to-”

“Let each other go.” we say in unison

He let me go. 

Hope you all enjoyed!!! sorry if none of it makes sense I never edit my work lol

[peacedolantwins]

Clean Part 5 (E.D)

So this one is pretty long compared to the last part and theres actually some more plot 

warnings: mentions of past drinking 

A few weeks had passed and every time you would think about telling them, you would freeze or you would be cut off by one of them talking about something else as you were about to speak. You were trying, but the timing was always off.

At this point their fans knew you two were together. Some of them supported you two and thought you were cute together, while others saw you as annoying and just using him for god knows what. While you tried to pretend it didn't bother you, it still did. You were just thankful you had deactivated all your accounts on social media before any of this started. It was easier to avoid the hate when no one could tag you or find out more about you.

When you would check twitter or Instagram, you usually just used James account to scroll through things when you were bored. You saw the edits people made of snaps taken of the two of you, but you never really looked at them. You were happy with your relationship and you knew who you were, you didnt need drama accounts to over analyze anything you did.

As you quickly found out, their fans are quite the detectives. Within the first few days of the first picture of you two being out, they were able to find out that you were actually friends with James and Ian. They had somehow managed to find that out even though they had no idea what your name was or even a full photo of you. The picture that had been posted was only of the pair of your guys legs sitting next to each other in the pool and they managed to figure you out just from the small flower tattoo on your ankle.

It was slightly frightening to be honest. You were scared what they would find if they kept digging. What if they somehow found all the old videos you tried so hard to escape from? What if one of the people you used to consider friends still had photos of you when you were at your absolute worst? You tried not to think about it too much, but the thought was always there.

~~

Everyone had decided to go to Disneyland to film a video, and while you were okay staying home, they all insisted you went along. Since they were filming, you considered them to be working so you only agreed if Ian and his girlfriend could come along so you could still have someone else with you.

Well that was the plan anyways.

Within an hour of being there, Ian and her left the group to go off on their own, which essentially left you alone. Today had started feeling slightly… off. You were just easily upset and bitter for no reason and you knew there was no reason to feel like that. Technically, everything was okay with you. But now being ditched and left to follow around the group was starting to get on your nerves.

Maybe things would have gotten better if you had been able to spend more time with James during the day or been able to go on the rides with your boyfriend, but seeing as they didnt bring anyone else to film for them, you were stuck sitting alone while they sat together and had you film them when they needed wider shots. It wasnt exactly how you had planned on this day going, but there wasnt a whole lot of options left.

Not only did you end up filming for them, but you also turned into their photographer when they ran into fans. After asking them for a picture, they just handed you the phone and had you do it. Not even a “do you mind?” or a “thank you” after you finished but it was fine. Its okay. Its not that deep and you knew you needed to get over yourself.

When a few girls had come up to ask for a photo, you were handed two seperate phones. ‘Cant they just send the picture to each other?’ you thought to yourself before taking the pictures anyways. After, you saw one of the girls trying to take a picture of you without you noticing but you saw anyways. The group had already started walking away when you went up to the girl.

“Hi, excuse me, do you mind not posting the picture you took of me?” You tapped her arm to get her attention.

“Y/N-” Ethan noticed you were gone and that you were talking to the girl looking slightly upset.

“Are you serious? I have a right to some privacy here and I dont want photos of me out there all I’m asking is that you dont post the fucking picture okay!” Why wouldnt she just say she wouldnt post it? What was so hard about that? You were already having a shitty day and this girl was just adding fuel to the fire going on inside you.

“Y/N! I’m so sorry about that, you two have a nice day,” You felt Ethans hand grab your arm and pull you away from them.

“Babe, you can’t talk to them like that, okay?” He said to you while still holding onto you and going back to the group.

“Get your fucking hands off of me!” You shook off his hand and started walking away. You had expected your boyfriend to tell them not to post it, but instead he told you something instead. Unbelievable. You had gone off to one of the close by benches and took a seat before taking out your phone.

Ethan had tried to go follow you, but James stopped him when he saw you taking out your phone and holding it up to your ear. “Give her a minute E. What even happened?”

“I dont even know, I turned back to see her yelling at those girls over a picture and I didn’t want to start any drama so I pulled away and here we are,” he sighed and looked around.

“Ethan, what did she tell them? Word for word?” Now James looked concerned and it was worrying him.

“Just something about a photo of her and privacy and ‘not to fucking post it’,”

“Did they say they wouldnt post it?”

“James why does that matter?”

“DID THEY OR NOT ETHAN?” James was yelling now. He had heard Ethan calling your name while you were still with those girls, and he now knew why you were so pissed if those girls now had your name and photo of you. Sure all of them had taken a few photos with or of you, but they were usually all from behind, maybe the side of your face and they made sure not to have your name out there. If there was a photo of you all together, you usually had your face hidden or you slapped a sticker emoji on top. You didnt want anyone from your past being able to recognize you.

“I dont know, okay?” Ethan knew you didnt let them post pictures of you, but he didnt think it was that big of a deal. So one person has a picture and if it gets posted, then maybe a few people see it after it gets lost in the tags.

During all of this, Grayson had decided that this conversation was not something he wanted to be part of and left to grab a churro for you when you came back, knowing you had a thing for sugar. While he passed by you, he overheard part of your conversation with whoever you were on the phone from. Apparently you were talking to some guy named Josh about how bad your day had been going. He knew you could be friends with whoever you wanted, but something seemed off. He decided to leave it alone for now. He also felt his phone go off and saw that James had tweeted.

“If you took a picture with us today and took a picture of my friend without her permission, PLEASE DO NOT POST IT. RESPECT HER PRIVACY.”

You went back to the group and everyone noticed that your mascara had smudged a bit but decided against saying anything. Pulling you off to the side, James took out the beauty blender he had in his bag and got to fixing you back up while talking to you in a hushed voice.

Ethan felt horrible. You had all come out today to have a nice day together but that didnt seem to be happening at all. Not only did he manage to piss you off, but once he was that you had been crying it crushed him. He was supposed to be making you feel good and happy but he wasnt doing a good job it seemed.

“Hey Y/N, I got you something,” Grayson handed you the churro, which seemed to be missing a few bites that your raised your eyes at but accepted nonetheless.

“Thank you,” you smiled at him and took it. “I’m actually gonna go ahead and go find Ian. I called him and he’s going to let me third wheel with him, so I’ll meet up with you guys when were leaving.”

You gave Gray a quick hug, not noticing him looking at you strangely. When did you call Ian? You had been talking to some guy named Josh a few minutes ago? He decided to leave it alone and would talk to you about it later, not wanting to start anything if it was over nothing. But why would you lie about who you called?

“Sweetheart, you dont have to go, stay with us.” Ethan wrapped his arms around you, not wanting you to leave.

“Hey, its okay. You guys are technically working, so I'm just gonna let you finish. I’m sorry for how I talked to that girl we can talk about it later, okay? You guys just have fun,” You gave him a quick peck on the lips and said bye to everyone before walking off to find Ian.

Sure you had planned on spending the day with your boyfriend, but turns out third wheeling wasnt so bad. It meant more turning power for the spinning teacups with all three of you. You all crammed yourself into the carriage for the haunted mansion, and you all obnoxiously sang along to ‘its all small world’ much to the rest of the passengers dismay. You had to sit alone for most of the other rides, but it was okay because you knew once you all got off, it would be like you were all friends just together. There were no phones being handed to you for pictures, no camera to hold to get a wider angle and you were finally having a good time.

When you finally met up with everyone else around 10 o'clock to head out, they were surprised when they saw the three of you. You all had gotten matching mouse ear headbands, Ian included, and you were carrying five of those giant light up balloons that had the mickey outline in them.

“Babe, what's with all the balloons?” Ethan finally asked after you said hi to everyone and they just stared at the giant bouquet of balloons.

“Well one is mine, then I got one for Gray since he got me a churro earlier, then I figured I should get you one too, but then I didnt want to leave Emma or James out so here we are. Five balloons. And Ian and his girlfriend already have theirs.” You said with a smile and held out your hand that held all the strings.

“Pick a different one bitch that ones mine,” you pulled them away when James tried to take the color you wanted. “Plus Grayson gets to pick first since he gave me food.” You held it out and let him pick.

“You're not gonna let your boyfriend pick first?” Ethan looked at you with a pout.

“Mmm… nope.” You said, but you went and put one arm around him.

“Traitor,” he muttered under his breath as he pulled you closer to his side. After everyone had their own balloon, you finally all headed towards the gates. The day might not have started off great, but it got better and that was something you were happy about.

“So, are we good?” Ethan asked you quietly as you walked by his side.

“Hm? Oh, sure but I still wanna talk about it if thats okay?”

“Of course, at the house or in the car?”

“Well everyone is still coming with us in the car so…” as much as you wanted to talk about it, you didnt want everyone else listening in.

“Hey James!” Ethan yelled at James since you two were in the back of the group.

“What bitch?” He turned around to see what he wanted.

“Can Gray and Emma ride with you?”

“Oh no sweetie, you think I want four other people and five giant balloons in my car? You take them,” he sassed back.

“I'll take the balloons with us, just take them with you.” After a moment of thinking James replied with a harsh “fine” and it was settled.

After taking everyones balloons back with you, it turns out trying to shove seven of those balloons in the jeep was a lot harder than either of you thought it would be and it was probably a safety hazard to drive since you couldnt see out of any of the back windows. Once everything was as good as it was going to get, you headed back towards James house.

“So what happened today?” You had barely made it to the first light when he asked.

“Damn we’re getting right into it, okay than… how honest do you want me to be with you?” You took in a breath and slowly let it out.

“One hundred percent babe,” he reached over and took your hand in his.

“Okay, want me to be real or sugar coat it for you?”

“Um, real?” He sounded as if he didnt know which would be better to hear.

“Fine. I didnt want to come today with you guys when James first asked. Like at all. Today was just a shitty day and I dont know why, but I woke up and everything just felt off. But then he invited Ian and Loren along so I still had someone to talk to while you guys filmed, but then they ditched us,” you turned in your seat to face him a little bit more. “I knew that today wasn't going to be a ‘hey lets just all fun at disneyland’ kind of day since you were all filming and working, but it would have been nice to have some fun with you while we were there,” you started messing with your joined hands and playing with his fingers as you spoke.

“Ethan, I came with you guys as a friend, not your camera person or your guy's personal photographer. Do you realize that the most you paid attention to me was when you got mad at me for how I talked to that girl? Not once did we go on a ride together. Hell, one time I didnt even go on one since the cart was full but you guys decided to get that one anyways and made me wait for the next one and you all didnt even care and that was pissing me off. I didnt come to be ignored by my friends, and I get it, you're working but you could have been with me when the camera wasnt on but you didn't. I tried to talk to you a few times but you kept ignoring me,” you said that last part quietly, getting reminded of your last relationship and how that went.

“I just wanted to spend some time with you and my friends today as I tried to make the best out of a shitty day, but that didnt happen. Everything just became too much for me and I snapped. So I figured I might as well third wheel because it was better than trying to fifth wheel with you guys.” You finished and waited for him to say something.

The silence was killing you as you watched him drive. He still hadnt said a word and he pulled into a parking lot and parked the car.

“What are we-” He turned to face you as you started speaking.

“Baby, I am so sorry. I wish you told me something earlier, and if you tried to, I'm sorry that I wasnt listening. We never meant to make you feel left out,” He turned in his seat and was faced you, taking both of your hand in this much larger ones. “And sweetheart I am so sorry that I grabbed you the way I did,” he looked genuinely upset with himself for grabbing you earlier.

“It's okay-”

“No, its not Y/N. I shouldnt have grabbed you like that ever. Thats not how you treat someone you care about it.” He noticed a few tears slip down your face when you looked away so he gently turned your face back to him and he wiped them away with the pads of his thumbs.

“Sorry that I'm crying so much today,” you tried to laugh it off.

“Babe, you cry if you want to, but let me in please? Whats going on in that head of yours?”

“It's just a lot of stuff from before I moved here, the way I was living before wasnt good and something I like thinking about too much… can we not talk about it right now? Maybe when we get to the house because if I’m going to do tell you, I’d rather not do it in a Target parking lot surrounded by light up balloons.” You laughed a little to try to lighten to situation a little bit.

“Of course sweetheart,” he grabbed your hand and gently brought it up to his face and placed a kiss on the back of your hand before letting go and starting the drive back to James’s house.

“Took you two long enough, bitch ass,” James greeted you as soon as you walked in.

“Fuck off, we literally saw you guys at the light before us,” you sassed back at him. On a more serious note, you turned back to him and Ian, “I’m gonna go talk to Ethan for a bit okay? I’ll let you know if I need you.”

Both of them nodded, understanding what you were talking about. You had mentioned recently about wanting to tell Ethan everything, having decided on telling your boyfriend first, then Grayson. You knew both of them together would not go well considering how loud they could get and how overwhelmed you would get with both of them trying to talk over each other. Separate would be a lot easier.

“You can go home if you want Gray, I’ll just stay here tonight,” Ethan tossed Grayson the keys.

“Actually, I think it would be better if you stayed, for a little bit anyways.” Both of the boys looked at you confused. Pulling Ethan down a little bit, you whispered to him, “I just dont know if you’re going to want to stay after I tell you everything.” He looked at you now completely worried but nodded anyways.

“OH! We should play Mario Kart for a bit!” Emma yelled out, already heading towards the living room. Well, that was one way to get everyone to stay for a little bit. Turning back to him, you grabbed Ethan’s hand and lead him up the stairs to your room and shut the door behind you. Both of you sat on the bed in silence.

“You’re kind of worrying me here, Y/N” He looked at you to see you folding a blanket over your legs that were crossed under you. You had also taken a pillow to play with in your lap.

“Sorry, I dont mean to. If I’m going to tell you everything, will you promise me something?” You looked up at him and when he nodded, you continued on. “Let me finish talking before you start asking questions? I’ll answer whatever, but just- I need to get it all out first, okay?” He nodded again.

“Okay,” you sighed and mentally prepared yourself, “okay, so theres no way to ease into it so here we go. I’m an alcoholic. Was an alcoholic. Whatever you wanna see it as, but I had a really bad drinking problem before moving here. It’s one of the reasons I moved here with James. I needed to get away from everyone judging me back home.” You looked at him and saw him trying to hide how shocked he was but you saw it anyways.

“When James moved out here, I ended up alone. He was pretty much my only friend, which was weird considering I’m older than him, but when he left, I didn’t really have anyone else. A few months later, I ended up dating this guy, who had a bunch of friends and along the way, they became my friends. One night, he took me to a party and there was so much there. Beer, wine, shots, whatever, it was there. And sure I had had a drink before that, but nothing too much. Never enough to even get me drunk or tipsy. But there, as stupid as it sounds, everyone was doing it so I figured why not and started doing shots with the other girls. I woke up the next day feeling awful but later that night we went to another party, and this time I only had a few but-” you took a deep breath, still looking down at your lap. “But, that didnt last long. It just became a cycle for us. School, party, school, party, then somewhere along the way it became drinking just at home, in the school parking lot, and I was drinking whenever. I didnt need the parties anymore, but I still went and oh god, there’s still a lot that I have no idea what happened.” You felt him shift on the bed. You couldnt tell if it was closer or away from you and you were scared it was the latter.

“It got to the point where I would have blackouts. I had no idea what happened the night before but my friends usually had some videos. I don’t know who else has any, but the ones I saw- its me doing shot after shot, me dancing way too inappropriately for a public setting, me stripping in front of everyone, theres photos of me in bed with my ex and theres still so much I dont know. What used to be me counting the days between drinks turned into me not remembering the last time I hadn’t had a drink.”

“I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend for different reasons but once I did that, I lost my drinking source. I was only 20, I couldn’t exactly go get any on my own so I,” deep breaths remember, “I would still go to bars if I could get in and I would let whoever buy me a drink- drinks and sometimes that was enough. Along the way word got out to the guys I knew that I was an “easy lay” if you bought me enough drinks, which to be completely honest, wasn’t a complete lie. I didn’t really care how I got my drinks as long as I got them. A few of those guys also had pictures, some are pretty bad, some are just us making out, but theyre out there. And when I turned 21, let me tell you, things got so much worse. One day, I had been drinking at home while my parents were gone and I passed out.” Playing with the pillow seemed to be most interesting thing while you could feel Ethan’s eyes burning into your head.

“I woke up in the hospital. Alcohol poisoning. It wasn’t until I saw the look on my parents faces that I realized how messed up I was. Seeing them look at me with just pure… disappointment, disgust, shame, pity, worry, it made me realize that I couldn’t be doing that anymore. I could have died and I didn’t want to keep wasting my life like that anymore.”

“The detox was absolute hell. Withdrawal was… awful. I was throwing up, shaking, I couldn’t sleep, my head was constantly pounding, and I’m not going to lie to you, I would relapse. Drinking would make all of that go away, but coming back from it was harder each time so I got into rehab. It was the only way to completely keep me away from it so I could get better. I was there for three months and at first it was horrible. Withdrawal came back harder than before and there was nothing I could do to make it go away but once I got past that, it got easier.” You glanced up for a second but you couldn’t make out the expression on his face.

“I started learning piano since they had one there. It was something to distract myself with. I called James to let him know what happened and that, that, didnt go well. He didn’t talk to me for a while, which I get. He was worried I had been around Ian while I was like that so I don’t blame him. He never knew about anything that went on back home since he never came back to visit. I dont blame him or anyone else for this, I know it’s all my doing. No one ever forced me to drink or do anything, it was all my own choices.”

“Once I got out, it was hard. I was going to meetings. I’m still going to meetings here. One day at a time ya know? But over there, everyone remembered me as I was before. I was just the party girl who drank too much and slept with who ever. No guy would be want to be seen with the girl that had been with everyone. Then someone posted pictures and it got worse. I deleted all my social media so I couldn’t get tagged in anything. I dont check anything because I dont want to see if anyone has posted anything. Even going to the store people would look at me and judge me because everyone apparently knew what happened. So when I was talking to James one day, he asked if I wanted to move out here with him. Ian had told him how hard being home was for me and while I was pissed because I didnt want him pitying me or dealing with the mess I made for myself but after some talking we decided I was coming here.” You looked around your room, proud of how far you had come from where you used to be.

“A few weeks later I was finally here, I took care of what I needed to to be sure I would stay on track and then I was officially moving in and then-” You finally looked up at Ethan and reached out for his hand, “then I met you and Grayson and Emma and things kept getting better and well… that’s where were at now. So there it is. I get it if you don’t want to be around me anymore. It wouldnt be good if one day those videos came back up and you were still connected to me and I dont want you getting dragged into my mess. So if you want to go, it’s okay.” You smiled at him even though you were close to tears. If he did leave, you would be a mess but you knew you would get through it eventually. You didnt want to drag him or his brother down with you because of your decisions so it was easier to let them both go now before things got more serious than they already were.

You felt his hand leave yours and you looked up to see him looking at you with a look you couldnt explain. When he got up from your bed and started walking towards the door, you felt your heart breaking.  When he walked out, you could hear him going down the stairs and a few minutes later you heard the front door close and a car start up and you could actually feel your heart shatter. Turns out James was wrong about him staying.  

Tags: @thetallassgirl @notanotherdolantwinsblog

[imaginemexo]

Josh Washington x Reader - Make It Out Alive

Request: an Until Dawn imagine where Josh isn’t the psycho, theres an actual psycho on the mountain. Josh and Reader have to try and make it out alive

Words: 1,973

Josh was in hospital for months, in and out, back in and then out again, for months after the disappearance of Beth and Hannah. Intoxicated on prescribed medicines and drugs; murmuring inaudible, incohesive sentences.

The only thing that anybody could understand was when Josh repeated one particular word. Over and over again. Creature.  

Other than the Washington family visiting him irregularly, the only other person to pay him a mere ten minute visit was his childhood best friend, Y/N. She was oftentimes busy most days, but popped in around four times a week. Just to let him know that nothing had changed between them. Just to let him know that the world would soon fall back into place and natural routine.  

Once Josh was beginning to mend, the cogs in his brain starting to work again, Josh sat in his room, all alone, suffocating on the stillness. He’d devise plans, mindmap every single concept that entered his brain. Wondered how he could make his friends repay him for what they caused.

Josh was asleep the night of the disappearance. He didn’t know if anyone was at fault. He didn’t know if it was anyone’s fault at all.  

Maybe it was just something that happened.  

Josh looked well.

It had been just under two months since Y/N had last seen Josh. The last she’d heard was that he was fresh out of hospital and found a new rejoice in life. Bob and Melinda Washington claimed that he’d found a newer, fresher, better therapist and had “cured” him from the evil demons living like parasites inside of his brain. Apparently, Josh found it in himself to accept the truth. Josh found it in himself to forgive anyone who may or may not have been involved in the disappearance of his sisters.

He was a new person.

There was a dewy glow on his skin; a sense of being; a sense of happiness.

A newfound hope.

I watch my best friend mindlessly chatter to Chris; one of my other good friends, though, just slightly misses out on the cut on having the best friend title. She looks happy and relieved to be back in our company; though I can see the uncertainty radiate off of her by being back to this place.

“Hey, cochise.” I say, approaching them. I attack them both with a hug, pulling them close. There’s a warmth that I have never felt before; a sense of…normalcy.  

“Josh,” My friends say in unintentional unison. They laugh together, shaking their heads.  

Chris seems slightly uncomfortable; the lopsided grin and unimpressed look plastered on his face.  

Y/N almost seems shocked; mouth slightly ajar, eyes wide. “Josh…you look so well. Better. Healthy, I mean.”

“I’ve gained a lot of weight. I think that’s the only thing that has changed.”  

My best friend scoffs and rolls her eyes at me. “Don’t be stupid! You’re a whole new person.”  

Chris soon interrupts. “Where’s everybody else?”  

I tear my eyes away from Y/N, who looks like a new identity herself. “They’re all at the lodge.”

Chris adjusts his backpack, evidently unnerved. He says nothing and sludges through the blanket of snow, already paces in front of us.  

Y/N turns to me, a frown playing on her lips. “Don’t worry, bro. It’s not you. I can tell that’s what you’re thinking,” She seems equally as disconnected and distant. “We’ve both been really unsure whether or not to come back. It didn’t feel right.”

Will it ever feel right?

Two o'clock in the morning soon hit.  

We shared stories and memories as if they happened yesterday.

A lot was revealed.  

None of us drank. It was surprising to feel no irresistible urges. Especially due to the fact that after last year, I suffered with a lot of alcohol and drug issues. I would neglect my health so much with substance abuse that I wouldn’t even be able to recall the events of that night. It was relieving. I would get so inebriated that I wouldn’t even remember my name. It was relieving that I could be someone else for a small period of time.  

We stayed up late, blabbering on about life, respecting my sisters who are long gone. I found out that a lot had happened while I was in hospital. A lot happened for those around me while I was extremely ill.  

Chris and Jess entered an exclusive relationship just three months after Hannah and Beth vanished. Matt got accepted to a local University majoring in a sporting degree. Jess was eventually assigned to a modelling agency. Michael and Emily got married.

Ashley and Sam…nobody knows what happened to them. I hear everyone only speak highly of them, though, no-one’s heard from them since that night one year ago. I can imagine that they drifted apart and they went their own ways.  

Y/N moved away three months ago, which is why her visits at the hospital became less frequent. I didn’t know. She said she tried to explain it to me whilst I was in hospital, but apparently I was in a fugue state for the majority of the visits, and no information was properly registered.

But I do remember the empty room. I remember the crayons. I remember the silence. I remember the feeling of loneliness. I remember the sense of abandonment. I thought she wasn’t coming back. I thought she left me.  

I remember my last session with Dr. Hill as if it were yesterday.  

He asked me if I know what the butterfly effect is.

I remember his words precisely, Josh, in a parallel universe, somewhere very far away, there is a version of you and your friends. In that parallel universe, the same events happened. Your sisters are gone in that universe. Except, in that universe, you did not make this vast recovery. You stayed trapped. And in that universe, things were different for your friends too. Maybe Emily and Mike will break up in that universe, and Mike will fall in love with Jessica. Your recovery right now affects everything. Your recovery right now affects those around you. Maybe your recovery will change everyone’s life. That’s the butterfly effect.  

All of a sudden, I wake up.

A scream is what has woken me up; a blood-curdling howl.  

I look to my side. Y/N is awake. She’s violently shaking, cheeks stained with tears.

She places her finger over her lips, almost incoherently shushing me.  

“Don’t move.”  

We lay there for what feels like hours. Shrieks of panic and blasphemy.  

And then, nothing.  

The nothing is then followed by a large slam. And then, once more, nothing.  

Footsteps are heard crunching through the snow, and that’s when I know we’re safe. For now.  

Stealthily, I clamber out of bed and tip-toe to the window. The sky is the colour of coal, yet, the only illuminating light source coming from the security light outside. I can merely make out a small lump of something; a rigid mess.  

One figure, inhumanly tall and thin, walks away into the distance, hands clutched onto two separate objects, dragging them away through the snow.

“What is going on?” I turn to my best friend, my voice laced in authority and almost anger.  

“I don’t know, Josh!” She calls out, but quiet enough to stay safe. “I woke up to the screaming. It was on and off maybe five minutes before you woke up. It came out of nowhere.”  

The confusion dawns on me quickly. My eyes brim with tears.  

I hold myself.

“I don’t understand what’s going on.”  

Y/N abruptly jumps up from the bed. She approaches me and stops in front of me. “Don’t worry, Josh, it’ll be okay. We just have to have a look downstairs. I’m sure it’s a prank or something.”

There’s a horrid, unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach. “It’s not a prank.”  

“Is this a bad time to say I told you so?”

“Oh, shut up, Josh.”  

My mind flashes back to the ungodly sight before us. The pile of rigid bodies outside sat in the snow. Skin was stripped off of their bodies and their eyeballs were missing.  

My friends. Our friends, I mean.  

Dead.  

“What now?” I ask, unable to comprehend any of it.  

“We find a way out of this mess,” she answers. “Or we wait until dawn.”  

All we have to do is make it out alive.

We sit in the stables; cottonballs of snow streaming down from the nighttime sky. We’re wrapped up in a humongous blanket, backs pressed against the counterfeit cedar wood. We’re freezing to death yet returning to the lodge seems too unsettling. Just in case whoever did this has returned.  

It has all happened so quickly.

We have not shared a word in a long while. I wonder if she’s mad at me.  

She exhales loudly, fog before our eyes.  

“Josh, I have something to tell you.”  

I look at her in the corner of my eye, and I don’t say a word.  

I listen to her quietly sob, face scrunched up. I can see and feel her pain as if it is tangible and sat right in front of me.  

“I killed Hannah and Beth.”  

Immediately, there is hurt. And betrayal.  

“What are you talking about?”

She shakes her head, unable to look at me.  

“I mean, I didn’t kill them. I’m not a murderer,” I can hardly understand her through the tears. “It’s my fault they’re missing.”  

I can’t even form a real thought inside of my head. “What do you mean?”

“You know when Hannah was still alive, she was head over heels for Mike?” She asks. I hum in response, shifting away from her slightly. “I thought of this really horrible plan. It was meant to be light-hearted. Hannah took it too seriously, and she left the lodge. Beth followed her. And out of guilt, I went after them. I thought they were in danger, there was a man who was stalking them there. They got to the edge of the cliff, and I don’t know if he was trying to make sure they fell, or help them up, but I heard them scream and then there was nothing. I was in shock. I didn’t know what to do. And then I was attacked. But not by the man. By a being. It wasn’t human. I remember clouded eyes, and sharp teeth. Then I woke up in the lodge. I came to you every day I wasn’t busy. I told you about the being that attacked me, and you seemed to understand what I was talking about. I showed you the scar that it left me with every time, and you all you could say was creature. Creature, creature, creature – that’s all you ever said. I thought maybe I could crack the mystery of this mountain your Dad always used to talk about. But it was useless. That’s why I left Josh, that’s why I moved away. It was killing me to see you like that. It was killing me that I didn’t know the truth.”

I remember the haunting, continuous nightmare as a child. I remember waking up in cold sweats when I was young. I hated coming here. I used to say it was the creature. The creature would get me. The creature would hurt me.  

The creature would kill us.  

I have nothing to say.  

“I always loved you, cochise. I still do,” she says. “The feelings never went away.”  

I open my mouth to respond, I open my mouth to confess my undying love, when I hear earth-shattering thumps draw close.  

I quickly remove my eyes away from my best friend, and first love, and towards the entrance of the stables.  

A large being; broad and hideous.

Creature.

[phychotic-love-hetalia]

Yandere Nordics

1p

Iceland: -awkward, hard to read, and says things he doesn't mean. Good luck getting out alive -he'll say he doesn't like you that much but he'll explode if you go out with anyone else -he'll say he doesn't want to be close but will crave affection from you -then there are times he means it, like when he says he'll kill someone for you -has a hard time being blunt and will think you pick up on everything he says and gets frustrated if you don't -you'll be tied up on his bed and gagged when you're kidnapped so he can cuddle with you -would prefer not to hurt you but if it has to happen in his opinion it'll happen -when you're broken and understand everything he tells you he'll be very kind and affectionate -during this time if you're not dead you'll be taken care of

Norway -we have another kuuyan on our hands -has a very hard time expressing emotions and gets frustrated by you -will subtly show his affections and if you don't catch on and go for someone else you can find your ass kidnapped -you'll most likely wake up to him choking you (stop yourself) muttering something along the lines of "why do you make me feel these things? I hate it. I'm so so sorry s/o" until you pass out -uses isolation with nothing but your thoughts with no stimulation until he comes in to visit you to break you -he's pretty gentle when you're his but is extremely clingy -gives you a ton of pet names all in Norwegian -will in fact teach you Norwegian -he's pretty harsh with punishments so be good.

Denmark -becomes your friend first before anything then he isolates you away from the others and guilt trips you when you aren't with him -once you're alone he moves in, since he's the only one you're with anymore it seems like a good choice, at first -he's extremely clingly, suffocation clingy. Anyone you seem to have interest in somehow is brutally murdered. I wonder how that happened... -if it's too many people you can find yourself tied up the next day with a terrible hangover with him burning a few photos of you and them nearby - he basically interrogates you while looking pissed off and he never looks pissed off -watch your back after he lets you go. You're on thin ice. He's a lot more colder to you as well and keeping you and a much shorter chain. You'll hope he'll be as lenient as he was -if you break the ice you're going under. And stuck in a freezing basement without food and very little covering -he'd prefer not to hurt you but he will break you one way or another -just try to make him happy and you're okay

Sweden - he wants to get close but he knows he probably can't because of obvious reasons -he uses his intimating nature to his advantage however, he scares off all his rivals -once he works up the courage to talk to you he's a nice guy one can easily fall for -he's very clingy because plenty others are scared of him -he makes up for it though through presents and such -you'd never expect him to cause any harm but having all your past lovers dying left and right it makes you think -he loves to keep you close to him so expect plenty of awkward hugs in public and private -seems completely normal really -Just don't get on his bad side

Finland -getting away from him is damn near impossible so it's better if you just stay -life with him isn't that bad if you listen and go with what he says as for other. -he's not scared to break your legs so you won't run and it's very easy for him to do so. -he'll only do it if you try to run for the second time. -he can be terrifying when he wants to and use it to his advantage. -he only tries to break you if you don't cooperate with him. -everything is more sweet if you go with him. -theres a lot more gifts and privileges given than earned for you and you have a say in things. -if you don't go with him you have to earn everything and he chooses what happens with no say from you.

2p

Iceland - colder than his brother and just as confusing and cold as his counterpart it's best if you just stay with him -is more of a yangire than a yandere so beware he will kill you if you're out of line. -isn't above torturing you within an inch of your life. -if you don't die from him he's very possessive of you and will threaten anyone so so much as looks at you. You're his and his alone. -don't bother running, you'd have no where to go out in the middle of nowhere with just puffins and other Icelandic mountain animals. -it's not in your best favor to fight him. He'll keep you alive as long as he wants while you're tortured. -if you make it out of the basement you're home free. Aka your life is less painful and easier because he'll take care of you. -just don't back stab him. There is no need for death wishes... Well... There might be for you. -just hope you actually get killed instead of being tortured and him breaking you further.

Norway -this sadistic son of a bitch will never let you go -he's very clingy with his normal self so yandere is suffocation to the max -won't let you out of his sight for more than a few seconds. -burn marks are very nasty scars so don't go against him. -he's watching you some way and some how. You most likely wouldn't even notice. -love once you've accepted your place he'll let you out of your windowless room. -from then on her wants you to contribute something to the house no matter how little so he can praise you. -you'll most likely find his shrine that is all one room with so many photos of you, candles, some of your old belongings, among other things. -you will never be able to get away from him no matter how hard you try.

Denmark -you give him feelings he doesn't understand and he hates you for it but he can't bring himself to kill you. So he'll kill everyone who gets in the way of you two -he's always in the background and is very easy to miss so you probably wouldn't have noticed him at all. -if you go to someone else you'll find their corpse in your room with a note that says "Look that you made me do. Don't do it again." Then you have two options. -go to the police; and that would mean big trouble for you from him. You'll be kidnapped once their case is cold and he won't show mercy when breaking you. -hiding the body yourself and not contacting anyone; you'll be safe from kiddnapping for now. He'll send you another note saying "good. I'm glad you understand. I'll see you soon my love." Attached to flowers. He'll give you a lot of mercy then. -once you're broken and with him it's a comfortable and lazy life with him. -its almost normal except for how he locks you up when people visit and he'll never let you out of the house. -he will do almost anything for you but don't push it with the privileges, he'll get a bit harsher. -he still will give you gifts you want though. He loves you after all.

Sweden -the best friend arch type of yandere -he's the one you wouldn't really expect. He's so sweet after all -he'll guard you from Finland's threats and anyone who'd try to hurt you. -he's actually very strong and a really good fighter so don't confront him. He'll easily knock you out. -he was a good reputation and can easily blackmail you into being with him. -if you go willingly there are many benefits like gifts, being taken care of, similar to 1p Finland. -if you reject him same things apply. -he wouldn't want to hurt such a pretty thing so don't go against him. -.

Finland -All i can really say is, you're doomed sweetheart. Best bet? Just do what he says -once you catch his eye it's over. He stalks you and when he fells like it's time he'll kidnap you -you're in his cellar at first so he can make sure you'll obey -once you're don't run. You might lose a limb or two. -he isn't as scared to hurt you as you may think whether it be from him or his dogs -once you're obedient and his you're life is a lot easier and you're treated like the classic house wife regardless of gender. -you get gifts and get praised but becareful they can easily be taken away -he'll most likely show you off to the Nordics but don't run he'll get worse -if you behave though you get plenty of prevleges from him

~ mun crow

[luna473]

Water Attracts Lightning // Zuko X Kasami (OC) [FanFiction]

Chapter 3: “we are rarely proud when we are alone.”

Kasami’s P.O.V

My eyes flutter open to the sight of a Fire Nation flag across from me. I try to sit up but I find that my body is too sore to move just yet. I notice various parts of my body have bandages.

Where am I?

I look to the other side of the dark and cold room to see a boy, sleeping on the couch next to my bed. I tilt my head and furrow my brows in confusion. His raven colored hair resting messily on his pillow and I can only see his toned, shirtless back. I can’t help but notice the scars and marks that run along his upper back. Maybe he’s a soldier? A warrior, perhaps.

Whoever he is, he must have been the one who bandaged me up.

I rub my temples to ease my pounding headache. I try to sit up again, successful, I hold on to the railing beside me. A sharp pain in my side causes me to yelp in pain as I clutch my waist.

Oh right..Thats where I had a knife thrown at me.

“Hello?” I call out to the mystery boy hoarsely. He sits up from his position on the couch and yawns, stretching his arms out above him. He turns around just as I recognize him from the scar on his face.

“No..”

I start scooting back on my bed.

“Wait wait, It’s okay!”

“Get away from me!” I scream out at him before I realize that I scooted too far. My body falls to the floor, right on the same side I have my deep cut. I yell out in pain, holding my side as I try to sit up. Zuko makes his way around the bed to my side, a look of apprehension and worry on his face. My long dark hair falling messily down to my waist in waves, and my cut face staring back up at him with anger.

“Wait! please!”

He shouts as I bend the water out of a cup on the nightstand at him. The small amount of water barely splashing his face, at most getting his hair wet. He groans in frustration, running his hand through his now soaked hair.

“KASAMI!”

He yells my name at the top his lungs, immediately stopping me in my tracks and gaining my attention.

“Just. Listen.” He enunciates, staring me down.

“If you would just stop trying to fight me, I can help you heal.”

He peered over at my now bleeding wound. My eyes glance down at my side. The cut must have reopened when I fell off the bed.

“Let me help you.”

He steps towards me as I give him an aggravated look. He goes to wrap his arm around me to try and help me up but I quickly slap it away.

“Don’t you dare touch me.”

I hiss out at him. I stared him down with every ounce of hatred in my body.

“Well I kinda have to if I’m going to get you up off the floor.” He sarcastically exclaimed, crossing his arms.

“Don’t you remember the last time you laid your hands on me, Prince Zuko?”

It was 3 years ago, the Gaang and I were on the run from, you guessed it, Prince Zuko himself. He had just captured me and was in the midst of bringing me onto his ship.

“You know it’s stupid keeping me here, right?”

Zuko glanced in my direction, an unamused expression on his face.

“They are long gone by now.”

“Don’t worry Kasami, as long as I have you, I already know they are bound to show up to your rescue.”

Zuko smirked at me. I know he’s right. As much as I begged for them to leave me and keep the mission going, that’s not who they are. I know they will be back and I know they’ll step right into his trap. They will all get hurt or even killed. Just because of me.

“How about a challenge. Just you and me, man to man.”

He glances in my direction and scoffs, rolling his eyes.

“What? Too scared I’ll beat you?”

“As if a Water Tribe peasant like you could ever stand a chance against the Fire Lord’s son.”

I mentally groan in annoyance and frustration. I have to make this work, or my friends will end up dead.

“Scared I’ll beat you in a fight just like your father did?”

A quick moment of silence is shared between the prince and I. He gets up and makes his way over to me. He snakes his hand around my throat and squeezes, making me unable to breath.

“If a fight is what you want, a fight is what you shall receive.” He growls under his breath, his face inches away from mine. He releases my throat, leaving me gasping for breath as he unleashes his breath of fire out into the sky. A show of his skill and strength.

“Release her!”

Zuko yells out to the guards as they untie my hands and feet.

“Foolish boy.”

We stand in front of each other in our fighting positions. He opens his hands of fire as I gather up my water, creating a cloud of ice daggers, ready to unleash on him at any moment. He punches multiple bursts of fire at me while I easily dodge his attacks. I release my ice daggers, effectively injuring multiple parts of his body.

“That all you got, Prince?” I sneered out at him, he was clearly no match for a waterbending master, especially one of my level. Well of course he didn’t know that at the time. He was doubled over, trying to catch his breath prior to unleashing his breath of fire. I winced in pain as I slightly got burnt.

“You’ll regret that.”

I release all of my water, knocking him down. Successfully, I bend water from the ocean beside us and freeze his entire body, leaving only his head out of the ice. He stared me down, seeming as if he was shooting daggers with his eyes. His breath was shaky and he was struggling to move his limbs, which were of course encased in ice.

“Come on, Zuko,” I laughed at the boy incapacitated in front of me. “That was just too easy.”

I wiped myself off and put my hand on my hip.

“I thought a water tribe peasant like me was no match for a Fire Prince,” I remarked sarcastically. “Oh wait! My apologies, banished Fire Prince.”

His face turned beet red, obviously infuriated. The Fire Prince had been beaten by a Water Tribe girl. He shamefully peered down at the ground. That didn’t seem to last long though, quickly after, his frown turned into a devious smirk. I raised an eyebrow at him. He peered over my shoulder but before I could turn around, it was too late. Everything seemed as if it were in slow motion. Prince Zuko’s soldiers chi blocked me, immediately making my bending abilities and my limbs useless. A look of terror spread across my face as he was freed from the ice I had previously encased him in.

“W-what are you doing?!” I shouted out, frantically looking around. His earthbender soldiers swiftly enclosed my hands and feet onto the ground with rocks.

“This wasn’t a part of the rules! It was just supposed to be me and you!”

He walked over to me, towering over the spot where I lay, unable to move.

“You are a coward, Prince Zuko.”

He bends over, looking down at me. Refusing to make eye contact with him, he lifts my chin with his finger. He squeezes my face harshly, forcing me to look up at him.

“And you are worthless.” He hissed out at me.

“Zuko, please. Why are you doing this?” I whispered softly. “You have to leave the Avatar alone, he is our one chance at peace.”

“You don’t understand. I’ve lost something of mine. My honor.”

“Why would you want to please the same man that has destroyed nations, killed families...innocent people.”

It almost looked like there was a glimpse of shame in his eyes. Maybe that was just wishful thinking.

“The Avatar is my last shot at restoring my honor and gaining my fathers love. I won’t let anything get in my way.”

I audibly groaned in anger.

“Why do you want the love of the same man who burned you, Zuko?!” I blurted out harshly.

He let go of my face and pushed me back, his fists balled in anger.

“Why are so obsessed with honor!? Just leave us alone!” I shouted out at him, tears threatening to fall.

“Nothing will get in my way.”

“God, Zuko. You are a coward. You are weak. You will never regain your honor.” I ruthlessly let out all of my frustration.

“I’LL SHOW YOU JUST HOW POWERFUL I AM!”

My eyes widen with fear as he whips his hands around in the air, channeling lightning from the dark, ominous clouds above us.

“Please..Please don’t do this.”

Zuko turns around with his lightning dancing and buzzing all around him, mostly focusing on his hands. He yells out as he swiftly points his two fingers at me, the lightning following.

“NO!”

Theres nothing I could do. My limbs were useless and encased in heavy rocks. I let my tears fall as I accepted my fate. The last thing I remember were his golden eyes staring into mine. When I woke up, I was on Appa with Aang right beside me. I was badly damaged on a small part of my left jaw, which continued all the way down the side of my neck, to my shoulder.

That night has haunted me ever since.

I delicately traced the outline of my scar with my finger. My eyes swelled up with tears, but there was no way in hell I’d let Zuko see me cry.

“Well..Y-You know I’m different now! Plus all the shit you said to me, I just-“

“How could you ever do that to someone else? The same way your father scarred you, you did to me. I was powerless,” I glared up at him as I got up on my own, holding onto the railing of the bed. “You lied and you cheated. I had you beat and you couldn’t stand it.”

He seemed to wince as if my words had physically hurt him, but then he just turned back and looked at me coldly.

“Well I still beat you, didn’t I?”

I scoffed in shock.

“You are still the same coward who burned me on that boat all those years ago.” I snapped at him, pushing him as I tried to make my way to the door. I was quickly stopped by him spinning me around and pinning me to the wall. With his hand at the base of my neck, he glared down at me.

“I am the Fire Lord. I am not-“

“You seem to still have a habit of choking me, don’t you Zuko?” I stared up at him with my eyebrow raised.

“W-what? No! I-“

Watching him get all flustered was the funniest thing, but sadly I can’t keep teasing men and waste any more time. I quickly caught him off guard when he loosened his grip. I pushed past him and made my way to the door.

“Kasami! You know you are still too weak to be going out.” He started, “At least stay a couple more days so you can heal. You have get stronger if we want to get our friends back.”

I whipped my head around to see him standing with his arms crossed.

“How do you know? and what do you mean we?”

I mimicked his stance with an annoyed look plastered across my face.

“You were talking about it all night in your sleep, and yes, I’m coming with you whether you like it or not.”

“There is no way Im going anywhere with you.”

“Yeah I’d rather not be anywhere near you, but these are our friends I’m talking about, Kasami.”

As much as I hate admitting it, I know he’s right.

“Fine! But I don’t want you in here while I heal.”

“Well it’s my-“

“Zuko.”

“Okay fine.”

I begin to walk slowly towards my bed, shuffling my feet against the dark wood floor.

“Hey! Wait, let me help-“

“Zuko I’m fine I can do it myself.” I blew him off as I tried to walk but quickly after a few seconds the floor seemed to sway beneath my feet and my legs went weak. I fell to my hands and knees.

“Damnit, damnit, damnit.” I curse under my breath.

“Oh god.” Zuko rushes over to my side. He snakes his arm around my waist and puts my arm around his neck. I wince at his touch, but I’m in too much agony to do anything about it. I peer down to the floor, almost shamefully, as he picks up my body from off the floor. He’s definitely not the same boy I fought with years ago. That boy would have never even helped me in the first place. How am I supposed to work together with, let alone trust the same man who burned me? Left me for dead with no remorse?

He struck me...with lightning.

I had to spend days trying to convince Aang not to tell the others about what had happened to me. After the last time I even tried to trust Zuko, I knew I would end up being the one who got hurt.

Zuko’s P.O.V

I slipped my arm around Kasami’s waist and lifted her up off the floor, trying to be as gentle as I possibly could. I notice her doing everything in her power to look away from me. You’d think after saving her life and helping her I’d at least get a thank you? Well, I did burn her, but that’s beside the point. I laid her down on my bed. I reached behind her to grab the pillows, but my hand accidentally moved some of her hair away from her face. My eyes fixated on her scar, her eyes still avoiding mine. A dark pink raised lightning bolt shape ran from the bottom of her jaw, down her neck, and reaching all the way to her shoulder. The surrounding area had gone a softer pink, pale with age. Much like my own scar. How could I have done this? My own horrible memories of earning my mark taunting me, as I lightly run my hand down her scar. After realizing what I’m doing, I quickly snap back into reality as Kasami looks up at me with a concerned and fearful expression. She looks...scared.

“Sorry. I-I’ll leave now. Just...Just shout to maids if you need anything.” I stutter on my words as I make my way out of the bedroom. I can feel her eyes piercing through my back as she watched me walk out. I close the door and lean back against it, slowly sliding down to ground. I raise my knees to my chest and lay my head in my palms.

Part of me feels a sickening pit in my stomach. How could I have put her through that? I feel so completely and utterly ashamed of actually making her afraid of me...of hurting her. The other part of me wants to point the blame to her. If she hadn’t provoked me then I wouldn’t have...Damnit Zuko, stop it! Im a different person now. Growing up with a father like mine, I guess you could say I’m still trying to let go of that part of me. Key word “trying”.

Sokka’s P.OV

My eyes open to see a cage, and my own hands trapped in metal. I look around, groggily trying to walk to the front of my cage. I spot Katara, still sleeping in her own prison.

Wait.

“Where’s Aang and Kasami?!” I grab onto the bars of my cage and start vigorously shaking it.

“Sokka?” Katara asked, rubbing her eyes. “What the hell is going on?”

“Kasami and Aang aren’t here!”

“D-don’t worry Sokka! I’m sure they’re fine.” Katara’s motherly instincts kicking in as she tries to console me.

I groan and shake my cage even more, making as much noise as possible.

A door shutting in the distance immediately catches my attention.

“What a shame.”

A man in a dark robe circles around our cages.

“Such young children, filled with so much hope.”

“Where. Is. Kasami?” I snap at him.

“Oh you mean the one who tried to escape last night?”

She tried to escape?

“Sorry to tell you, but unfortunately we had to shoot her down. I guess you could say she was...” The mystery man raised his hand, fire sprouting from his palm. “taken care of.”

[kappasigmalife]

Eternal Purgatory: Chp 4 Seeing is Believing

Eternal Purgatory Chp 4: Seeing is Believing

 Robby bursts into chris’s room asking where his Naruto headband is lying about. Chris groggy in his sleep, looks robby in the eye and tell him to get the fuck off his bed before he busts his nut sack and throws him out a window. Robby looks around chris’s bedroom and throws his stuff around, only for chris to grab him by the collar and drag him out of the room knocking on pauls door. Standing naked in the doorway he smirks and asks if chris and robby have something important to say as a girl wraps her arms around him. Chris reiterates that the weaboo needs help finding his lost costume piece.

“yeah, the shonen reject lost his headband, your omnipotent and im tired as fuck.” Paul looks at chris like he should care and flicks him on the head

“there now your awake, so you deal with it, I got no class so im chilling with sarah.” Chris feels his head throb as Robby incessantly continues to bitch about his headband. Chris in his rage, throws a 50 at him and tells him to buy a new one so Chris can get some sleep. Robby gives him back the money and says that its one of a kind and cant be replaced. As chris looks around he starts contemplating why hes doing this.

“an all knowing ghost who can find anyone and anything, cant help for five minutes and decides to plow some chick before helping his friend, oh who am I kidding, I’d do the same thing.” Paul comes out from the tv and stares chris dead in the eye

“of course, now did you find the headband?” Chris looks at him with a looks of utter disgust

“yes I found it no matter how much shit you say its found and that’s why im flipping the courch over, btw found that missing dime bag of reefers.” Paul snatches the bag and smiles

“ill be sure to hand it back to him.” chris just darts a look at paul and raises his eyebrow knowing full well whats going on.

“you’re going to smoke that aren’t you?”

Paul rustles Chris’s hair and goes back into the tv with the weed. Chris cleans up the stuff he turned over to look for the headband to no avail, only to see robby wrapping it around his forehead. Twitching his eye, he goes to robby and asks him where he found it. Robby looks at him happy as can be.

“funny thing I left it in the game room, must of came off as I fought helen in mortal kombat, damn shes good as sonya blade.” Chris gets a little furious clenching his fists and taking a deep breath.

“good for you, now im going to get dressed, I have to meet with Brendan for tutoring at 11.” Robby looks at the clock noticing its 11:30 and points to it, with chris looksing and rushing out the door to the library.

“FUCK FUCK FUCK, why do I need to be late?”

Brendan looks at his watch while drinking his Starbucks and wonders where Chris is. The only thing he was told was Friday 11am at the library, but being late really screws him over. Chris arrives completely drenched in sweat and looks at Brendan.

“Ready to get the books cracked open.” Brendan looks at him as if hes completely worn out

“you look like you ran a marathon, your still in your pjs and you barely look awake.” Chris explains that Robby and Paul were not much help and that he had to find the weaboos missing headband or else he’d throw a cry fest. As the two go inside, Brendan goes to the small café inside and buys chris a coffee. Chris rolls his eyes and thinks that he would get it wrong, considering he has specific taste. After taking a sip, his eyes widen and looks at Brendan.

“this is exactly how I love my coffee, hazelnut cream and warm not hot, no one ever gets it right.” Brendan looks at chris and just says he noticed him having the same coffee for months in class and got a hint. Chris while looking nervous over a weird piece of information like that cracks the books open and helps with notetaking.

In the meantime, Helen wakes up at 12pm and asks robby where chris is. Robby getting food from the fridge drops his cookies and stares at helen. Helen puts her hands on her hips and asks if she knows what shes wearing.

“right a bra and panties, cause I need to cover up cause boys may see me, don’t be so pure, your in college you’re going to see a lot more in your life.” She picks up the cookies and takes them to her room turning on the tv blasting the volume as paul snores from his love fest. She knocks on the wall telling the panda to shut up and let her watch tv, only to hear a fuck you coming from the hall. Robby is screaming at his laptop freezing during an episode of one piece. She calls up her friend asking if anything is going on. Helens friend says there’s a concert that night and she had two extra tickets if she wanted to take someone. Looking at a pic of her and Chris flipping off reefer the first day at the house, she says she knows just the guy to take.

Chris looks at his phone seeing its 3pm he and Brendan call it a day and starts walking home, getting a text from helen that their going to a concert only to be stopped by Brendan who thaks him for the fleece the other day and that it’s a very warm one for autumn. Chris tells him hes welcome and starts turning back to walk home only to be stopped again.

“hey, so im throwing a party tonight, if you wanna come by, booze weed the works, if you wanna hang out and stuff.”

Chris looks at his phone.

“ill see what happens, the sis wants to do something but that would be fun.” Chris runs back home as Brendan goes back to his house seeing his roomamtes frolicking about chugging booze and welcoming him back. One of them makes a remark towards him insulting his weight while the others try to crack puns on his fashion.

“hey pudgy, black wont make you slimmer, why not try working out sometime.” He goes to his room and puts out a notification on the school blog a party going on at his place, crossing his fingers hoping everything works out

While helen and chris prepare to go to the show, robby wants to tag along but helen insists theres only two tickets and its reserved for her and chris.

“oh come on guys I can sneak in and be very stealthy.” Chris chuckles and tells robby how stealthy he is.

“dude, your about as stealthy as a arsonist setting fire to a napalm factory.” Helen tells robby everything will be okay and he can have fun with paul, as he passes by telling them that isn’t happening.

”party off campus going there, don’t like the people but free booze and weed, so accepting the invite, have fun at the show.” Helen and chris look at one another and head out as paul goes the opposite direction, calling out to robby.

“open invite narutard, you coming or what, leave the cloak.” Robby jumps over the railing to the porch and runs to paul while chris and helen wave them off. Chris looks at helen with a smile on his face.

“either paul sets the house on fire, or robby insults someone so bad a mob breaks out, wanna take a bet on which happens first.” Helen shakes Chris’s hand and tells him she’ll take robby for $500. At the concert the two enjoy a good dose of power metal only to be bringing up how they miss their friends mentioning pauls name, being front row the two are asked by the lead singer if they know a paul stone. Mentioning he is their roommate he invites them out back for after the concert.

Brendan throws a massive bash with almost everyone there; all the while robby is insulting the group of ghosts from japan asking if they ever truly call western cartoons, anime. While Paul gets high with two girls beside him. Brendan goes around the house finding paul high as hell asking if chris came with him.

“naw, went to aconcert, wont be back til late, killer weed dude.” Brendan laughs and says he brought it from home, only to hear knocking on the door. At the door is a girl with jet black ahir and blood red eyes standing before him.

“ALICIA, what are you doing here, family weekend is next month.” “oh I know I just wanted to see what the fuss was about with this university, you know how I’m tired of your old college.” “you cant be here, private party, you’re not allowed.” “awe whats the matter, afraid I’ll embarrass you, well step aside im hunting hearts tonight.” “oh god please don’t play matchmaker, not here, please not here.”

The girl walks about the house seeing paul and offers some weed, which paul happily smokes without question. She looks around and sees nothing but horny college kids walking about like they own society.

“what a waste of a life, this one is all kinds of directions, and Brendan is acting very suspicious, might as well enjoy myself.”

As she grabs some rum and sits next to Paul, he notices her getting tipsy and remarks she looks new and introduces herself. The two seem to laugh off a lot of the stupid shit the party goers are doing and Brendan looks facepalming hard.

At the concert, no over the two go backstage to find the lead singer offering joints. The two partake and notice the mood is dimmer and more tense. Chris remarks that its not what he expected.

“so you guys are like friends with paul, hes never mentioned you.” the lead singer goes on about they know all about paul and how hes a old friend not someone they should trust, as he hides a lot of what he knows from others for the sake of personal benefit. Not to mention how he gets what he wants whenever he feels compelled.

“you could say, hes the reason were in purgatory.” Helen and chris both drop their drinks and excuse themselves from the backstage and go outside. Helen remarks that even though paul is indeed somewhat secretive he keeps to himself, never blackmailed the group or made remarks about others unless deserved.

“helen, look, I don’t believe it either, paul is a lot of things, a sociopath, and arsonist, a spymaster, a nerd, and a massive ass, but not a killer.” Helen looks at Chris as if he has two heads and retorts hes right, but hearing how someone died and came to purgatory because of someone else is pretty big. The two decide to head home and walk past the party with chris seeing robby dancing to angel beats while pauls stoned on the couch, he sees Brendan go to the back and follows. As he comes to the back he sees Brendan walking towards a lake taking his shirt off. As he does so chris leaps out and startles him, forcing him to try and cover his chest.

“Jesus Chris, what the hell?, thought you were at a concert.” “yeah well it was a bore so we decided to head home, saw the party and thought might as well have some fun, what were you doing near the lake anyway, its autumn.” “its also like 89 out tonight, for some reason, so I figured id go for a swim.” “without a swim suit on?” “uhhhh, yes I just thought it be relaxing, but if you’re going to be a prude. Then maybe…” as he continues talking chris stripped off his clothes to his boxers and jumped into the lake yelling if hes gonna join him.

Brendan looks on as he gazes at chris’s husky body and under the light of the moon his belly hair glistens in the water. He takes his pants off joining him as the two swim, chris dunks brendans head in the water pushing him down.

“hahahahahahaha, come on lets have some fun.”

As chris wrestles Brendan he gets him in a headlock under the water while Brendan squirms out and grabs chris by the wait. In the ruckus Brendan looks under the water in chris’s eyes and immediately pulls back up getting out the water. Sitting at the shoreline wrapped in a towel, chris comes up asking what happened.

“nothing I just got cold, why not warm up I can go start a bonfire.” “I uh cant, not right now.” Brendan looks at chris wondering why he wont come out and asks if he made chris uncomfortable. Chris gets a little red in the face and tells him its nothing like the sort.

“you uh, pulled off my boxers when we wrestled.” “You mean your,…”

“naked yes, just bring me a towel.”

Brendan walks to the shore as chris covers his crotch looking away but catches a glimpse of his groin as he wraps the towel around himself drying off. Blushing he looks at chris as he thanks him for helping.

“So you manscape, that’s hygenic.” “yeah always had, keeps sweat off and everything looks a lot bigger in all honestly.” Brendan cant stop looking and remarks that chris is even cuter with his shirt off as he drys off and puts his pants and socks off and puts his shirt over his shoulder walking off to the house.

“hey chris, um I gotta say, you really fill out well, uh I mean your not thin or muscular  but you seem fit for someone your height.” chris smiles as he thanks Brendan for the compliment going back inside to see paul talking to helen. Paul has come down from his high and asked how the concert is. Helen and chris tell him what was told to them only for paul to get up and walk through the door past robby, drunk off his ass.

“whoa Paul, where’s the fire?, going to go kill someone or some shit.”

Paul tries grabbing robby by the shirt but just lets go and heads home, chris and helen drag robby back to join him. Alicia gets up and walks out as well running into Brendan.

“enjoy your nightly frolic, you’re really just like dad.” “shut it sis, I know exactly what your trying to do and its not working and no I didn’t get to frolic I ran into someone.” Alicia eye glow a purplish tint and looks into Brendan’s eyes.

“Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make me a match, Find me a find, catch me a catch, someone seems to have caught your eye.”

Brendan gets rosy cheeks telling her to shut up as the group makes it home with paul walking inside without a word to his room. Chris opens up to ask whats wrong and paul explains that hes just pissed and confused and doesn’t wanna talk to anyone. Chris puts his hand on pauls shoulder and it begins glowing icy blue. Paul suddenly gets less tense and looks at Chris.

“but that seems to be helping.”

[lenauphydas]

Random vent nobody will read I’m pretty sure having no followers is kinda nice actually it lets me act like I’m talking to somebody without actually having to talk to somebody.

So show me that compassion you're all so proud of. Because I havent seen it. I'm alone here. My heart is cold, hate is overflowing. You speak your piece, but then leave me here. You're so keen on acceptance and tolerance, but only for the common. Its all a lie, anyways. But you're all so blind. Count down Count down Count down the hours. I cant convince myself to do anything. Forever, I'll just lay here. At least, it seems that way at times. What'll happen...? What've I missed... Everything finds a way to get worse. By extension, the past looks positively delightful by comparison. The nights spent screaming? The tears I couldnt cry? That rotting heart I wanted to tear out? Well... None of that went away anyways. None of that is quite enough to dispell the notion that things were better then. Then, I find myself wondering how it is I could look to the future with hope When all I've ever known is this deep slope. Corruptions spring is never stemmed. It flows freely, like the blood from this cold heart. These dark eyes cant see I'm as blind as anyone else. I cant stand it, the long hours. The pointless struggles, the endless days. The doubts swirling My mind always running around in circles. The thoughts, they never go away. They swirl around me, grasp at me, tear at me. I plead and I plead, but no solace is granted. Abyss Oh starlight Grant me solace Oh, starlight...

I cant stop being sad about bethanie. We used to have alot in common. I dont know how this situation has come to be. I dont know anything anymore. I'm constantly changing, constantly morphing and pulsing with different thoughts. But always cyclical. I need to work. I have to get the work done. Not because its important, its essentially meaningless. But just so I'm making some progress. Even the smallest amount. Just so I'm doing something... So I can tell myself that I'm still moving. That theres still something worth getting up in the morning for. When all hope is faded Where dreams are lost I want to think that I'd keep following this empty path Just to see its rightful conclusion. I'd like to think that. I'd like to know that. Could you make it real? Could you?

I'm blind. They're blind. Yet I saw it so clearly That light Always out of reach... Always taunting me Visions of my own failure. Of what I've become. What I've let myself be. This monstrosity, this waking nightmare Nowhere to run Nowhere to hide Sitting here in my own filth They speak, but they do not listen. I speak, and listen, and yet I do not comprehend. How you could accept this How you could tolerate this Have you no shame...?

I wish they’d stop posting.

Its better to be numb.

To not feel.

Oh starlight, to feel nothing anymore...

I’d like to be not long for this world, but that wont happen.

My unfaltering dream wouldnt permit it.

I wish they’d stop posting.

... Pickled herring...

How long before I’ll eat it again, I wonder?

Heh. This would sound so strange to somebody else.

Then again, so would everything else about me.

They wouldnt understand the significance.

They wouldnt understand why.

Neither would I, in their shoes, of course.

Oh starlight, grant me solace.

I... Cant take one step...

The freezing air comes inside of me.

I’m frozen solid

Then break apart in the howling wind.

Winter.