lostinyourparadise98

[lostinyourparadise98]

I guarantee its been too long since you last watched this video

[lostinyourparadise98]

Kiss Me

A/N: Hello my loves! Im so sorry that this is so shitty, it is currently 12:00 Am and my brain is melting as I write this, but I hope all of you enjoy hehe. Just a reminder that requests are open so please take advantage!!! Love y'all (:

The faint sound of snoring interrupts my sleep as  squint my eyes, attempting to shield them from the light that is streaming through the curtains. Im unable to move, the weight of a six foot tall, curly headed boy keeps me trapped beneath the sheets. Shawn is sprawled out on top of me. His face is hidden in the crook of my neck, his breath tickling the exposed skin. His strong arms wrap around my waist making it impossible for me to move. I can’t help but to reach my arm up and run my fingers through his curly hair. He looks so peaceful, I don’t understand how someone can look so irresistible just by sleeping. 

I feel a sudden pain in my chest as I realize this is our last day together before he goes back on tour. Don’t get me wrong, I am so unbelievably proud of him. He is living his dream, workings ass off to keep his success but sometimes I just want him to myself. He is going to be gone for sixth months and I have no idea how my heart is going to handle it. 

I wiggle out of his grasp, earning an irritated moan from his lips. He is now fully on his back, his eyes still closed as he tries to return to his comfortable position. I crawl on top of him, both of my legs on either side of his thighs. A big grin spills across my face as the sheets fall off of me, revealing my naked body. The events from last night replay in my head and I can’t help but giggle from the butterflies and tingles that jolt through my bones.

I lean down and place soft kisses all over his face. I start on the right side of his cheek and move to the left, I kiss his forehead and move my way down to his chin and end with the tip of his nose. He doesn’t budge for awhile, so I take matters into my own hands and go faster till I earn a reaction. He groans again but this time there is a smirk on his face.

“Wake. Up. Baby. Wake. up.wake. up.” I say between each kiss. I’m caught off guard as his arms wrap around my waist. He quickly sits up and pulls me back down on the bed  till he is  hovering over me. I can’t stop the fits of giggles that erupt from within me. 

“You know you could have gotten me a lot up faster if you had started with my lips.” His voice is deep and croaky, his eyes puffy and red. I chuckle at the wildness of his hair, my god he is beautiful.

“I think I kissed you enough last night, I wanted to switch things up a bit.”

He slowly leans down and presses his lips to mine. The kiss starts off slow and innocent. His arms pull me closer into him as he depends the kiss. Our tongues fight for dominance, I can’t help the moan that falls from my mouth. My hands find the nape of his neck as I lightly tug at his hair, an action I know drives him crazy. The effect he has on me will be something I will never understand. I arch my back of the bed trying to get closer to him if thats even possible. We both tilt our heads, getting completely lost in each other. He pulls away first, resting his forehead against mine. 

“You could never give me too many kisses, there will never be enough to completely satisfy me I’m always left wanting more.” His morning voice has me completely weak and he knows it.

“Well you better kiss me as much as possible, after today you will have to wait six months before I can shower you again.” He pulls away from me, resting his head on his elbow so he can look down at me as I turn to face him

“hey, we are going to be okay we’ve done this before.”

“That doesn’t make it any easier.” He begins to run his fingers through my hair.

“I know baby, I know.” He leans down and places a sweet kiss on my forehead

I feel my eyes begin to water, I try my best to push back the tears but the thought of him not being here in a few short hours is unbearable.

“Shawn, I don’t think I can handle saying goodbye to you again.” I intertwine our fingers.

“Baby, don’t think of it as a goodbye, think of it as a ill see you soon. There are no goodbyes between us. I know this hurts and I am going to miss you like hell. But I promise you I will always be here. Just call me I don’t care what time it is, if you’re ever missing me just call me.”

“I love you so much.”

“I love you more.” I begin to push myself out of bed, but his hand stops me.

“Where are you going?” His bottom lip is pushed out like a child. I pull away from his hand and reach for his shirt that I tore off of him last night. I can feel my cheeks redden from the memory, as I slip it on. I hope to god he doesn’t notice.

“I have to go shower, ill be quick I promise.”

“Or…..” He pauses

“Hear me out, we take a shower together.”

“Nice try Mendes, we both know what will end up happening if we shower together.” 

“I promise I won’t try anything, ill keep my hands to myself.” I raise my brow at him 

“Okay, maybe not fully to myself but you get the picture.”

“Alright, but only because you are leaving.” He jumps out of bed and runs towards the bathroom. I roll my eyes as I gather my new shampoo and favorite bottle of body wash. Shawn stands at the shower with his hand under the water making sure the temperature is perfect. I quickly brush my teeth and slip out of shawns t-shirt. 

“Ladies first.” Shawn pulls the curtain back and swiftly moves his hand to the direction of the shower. 

“You’re suck a dork.” I chuckle as I move passed him and into the tub. The warmth of the water feels amazing against my skin. I let the water spill down my hair as Shawn gets in. I feel him reach behind me as he enters. He moves the shower head higher so the water can actually reach his head. The boy is a tree I swear.

“Sorry shorty I gotta move this.”

“Don’t call me shorty its not my fault you’re a giant.” I watch as he repeats the same actions as me

Can I wash your hair?” The words crawl faster out of my mouth than I expected.

“Only if you let me do yours too.”

“Deal.” I squirt Shawn’s shampoo in my hand and turn to face him. Wow, this height difference is really hitting me right now. I can’t even reach his head to wash his hair.

“Uhh baby do you think you could kneel?” He throws his head back as his laughter fills the bathroom 

“Oh my God you are so cute.”

“Stop making fun of me I can’t reach.”

“Ill kneel for you, you always kneel for me.” he winks and I quickly slap his arm 

He kneels down in front of me, his hands firmly on my hips to keep his balance. 

He closes his eyes in pleasure as I massage his scalp, his hair is nice and soapy   and I waist no time playing with the curls on top of his head.

“Does that feel good Bub?”

“mmmhmmm.” he hums, I rinse his hair placing one hand over his eyes so he doesn’t get burned by the soap. I repeat the same actions with the conditioner. This boy is in pure bliss. He stands to his feet.

“Your turn.” To say that his hands were made for this is in understatement. He laughs at my moans I ignore him getting lost in the pleasure that is coursing through my scalp. We both finish up and dry ourselves off. 

Shawn makes his way into the bedroom putting on a pair of boxes and hopping back into bed. I take a little longer washing my face, brushing my hair, and fixing up my eyebrows. 

“Babe do you mind if I use your speaker to put on some music?” he calls from the bedroom 

“Go ahead Bub.” I begin to straighten up the mess I made in the bathroom until I hear the song he chose. Kiss me, by Ed Sheeran. My heart skips a beat as I think of the first time he kissed me, this song was playing in the background.

I walk out of the bathroom and lean against the door frame. Shawn sits on the bed smiling like he fool. He slowly rises and makes his way into the middle of the room. He stops and opens his arms.

“Dance with me?” STOP BEING SO CUTE 

My feet move before I can even think. I walked s towards him and he wraps me in his arms. I rest my head against his chest as he sway back and forth to the music.

“You should wear my shirts more often by the way.”

“I will be,I’m stealing most of them. Oh and your Harvard hoodie, yeah you’re never getting that back.”

“Thats my favorite one.”

“It smells like you.”

“You can keep it while I’m away baby, I don’t mind.”

“I don’t want you to leave.”

“I don’t want to leave you.” I rest my forehead against his 

“What do we do when the music stops?” I whisper 

“When I’m wiht you, the music never stops.” 

“Kiss me.”

“Always.”

The End 

HEEEYY YALLL sorry this was TRASH. It is now 1:21 Am and I am dead ahahahahaha. sorry I’m acting like a crack head and I’m sorry for all the grammatical errors. My brain is dead right now. I promise I will post tomorrow. Hopefully I won’t be as tired.But yeah gn and love ya.

[lostinyourparadise98]

Harvard Hoodie

A/N: I absolutely loved writing this! Thank you to everyone who has been sending in requests! I will try my best to reach all of you. Please keep them flowing I love writing for you guys (:

Shawn’s P.O.V

I hum along to y/n’s favorite song, wake me up by Ed Sheeran. I gently smile at the memory of her excitement on the night I played it at a show in New York, just for her. I flick up the sink handle and let my hands soak underneath the warm water. I begin to wash the dishes and pause once my hand scoops up y/n’s favorite tea mug. I gaze at the yellow, orange, and red flowers that sprinkle across it. She’s had this mug since before we were married, I remember the first time Ella’s little hands tried to lift it off the dinner table. I can still see y/n’s face as Ella pushed too hard, causing the cups handle to shatter, along with y/n’s heart. It took me hours to glue the pieces back together, but it was worth it, her smile and happiness was worth it. I gently rub my hand over the cracked part of the handle. Its the little memories that make me fall in love with her all over again.

 Im pulled back to reality once I hear my daughters sweet voice calling for me. I turn to look at her and for a moment I forget how grown up she is. She has her mothers eyes, and her beautiful long hair. It falls to the end of her back, curling thanks to my genes. She’s grown out of her baby face, its now the most perfect heart shape. She’s gotten taller over the summer, and for some reason the make up that runs across her skin tugs at my heart. How is she already sixteen? I almost drop the mug in my hand when I realize what hoodie she is wearing. The word Harvard runs across her chest, its the very hoodie her mother use to steal from me.

“Dad, did you hear me?” Ella asks 

“Sorry bug, I didn’t whats up?” Ive been looking for that damn hoodie for months. 

“I was just saying that I’m leaving soon, I’m going to the mall with Andy.”

“Andy? Who the hell is Andy.” I gently place the mug on the counter and cross my arms over my chest. 

“Relax dad, he’s just a friend, mom has met him before.” she giggles 

“Why have I never met this Andy?”

“Because you’ll get all… all… dad.”

“Hell yeah I will.” She laughs at my protectiveness.

“Don't worry daddy it isn’t like that. I have to go though he will be here soon.” She reaches for her purse and beanie that sits on the kitchen table and swings it over her shoulder, popping the black beanie over her head. 

“Alright Andy’s off the hook for now. Be careful my love, have fun.”

“I will daddy, I love you too.” She walks towards the front door. Before she can open it I call for her.

“Hey bug?” She turns to face me.

“Yeah dad?”

“You're beautiful.” Her beautiful smile peaks out on her face.

“Thank you daddy!”She shouts happily

“One more thing before you go, where did you get that hoodie?”

“Oh, it was in the dryer I found it while I was taking out moms clothes. How come?”

“No reason, now go have fun!” She smiles gently at me and closes the door behind her.

“My baby still steals my hoodies.” I whisper to myself.

The front door opens and y/n enters with shopping bags. She smiles brightly at me and sets them on the kitchen table. I rest against the sink and bring my arms back up to my chest.

“Hey baby!” She greets me, making her way over to me.

“Hello lovely.” she pecks me on the lips, wrapping her arms around my neck as I snake my arms around her waist.”

“How are you today husband?” She whispers 

“Im alright wife, better now that you’re here. I’ve been thinking about you all day.”

“Really? How sweet.” she giggles 

“Did you see your daughter?” I ask 

“I saw her drive off with Andy.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me she had a boy friend.”

“He isn’t a boy friend Shawn, he’s just a friend.”

“Still, you could have warned me that she’s communicating with the opposite sex! And we were friends too ya know. Now look at us.” 

“Oh my goodness listen to you! She’s sixteen Shawn, of course she’s going to have guy friends. Leave her be she isn’t doing anything wrong.”

“You still should have told me.” I kiss her forehead 

“I would of but then you get all… all…you.”

I throw my head back and laugh. My girls are two peas in a pod.

“Whats so funny?” she asks 

“Nothing you just sound like Ella. Did you see the sweater she was wearing?”

“No what was it.” She pulls way from me reaching for her favorite mug. 

“Harvard.” Her head naps in my direction.

“Harvard hoodie! Ive been looking for that for months. She should know better than to steal my clothes.” She reaches into a cabinet and pulls out her favorite peppermint tea. 

“Excuse me miss, but that hoodie is not yours.” She isn’t facing me but I can feel her mischievous grin.

“Fine Mendes, our hoodie.” She turns back around and walks back to me.

“You know what?”

“What baby?”

“Im actually really happy she has it now. Whenever you would be touring I would wear that hoodie almost every night. It smelled just like you and, I don’t know it was like I had a piece of you with me. It was hard when there were nights when all I wanted was your touch, your kisses. That hoodie got me through a lot of hard nights. And now, our baby is wearing it.” 

I pull her closer to me and kiss her sweetly.

“You know, I wore that hoodie when I missed you too. You stole it from me so much it started to smell like you.” I am so in love with this women

“One of my favorite pictures is of you in that hoodie.” She reaches into her pocket and pulls out her phone flipping through her photos. 

“You still have it saved?”

“Of course I do. Here, look do you remember this night?” She holds the phone up to my face. 

“Oh my God, this was so long ago.”

“look at how young you were!” She exclaims 

“Hey! I’m still young.” She rolls her eyes taking her phone back to examine the picture better.

“I do though I remember, you couldn’t fall sleep that night. That week was really hard for you, you were so stressed out. I couldn’t stand t see you that way so I sang you to sleep.” She places a hand on my cheek

“My baby, you have no idea how much that helped me.” I smile down at her.

“I don't even remember you taking this, I look like I’m about to sneeze.” I chuckle.

“No you don’t!” She tilts her head to the side. 

“Well maybe a little, but its  still one of my favorite pictures of you”

“y/n?”

“Yeah babe?”

“Never stop stealing my clothes.” She places her hands on my chest fiddling with the buttons on my shirt.

“Its a deal Mendes, but in order for me to steal them, you can’t be wearing them.” she winks

“I think we can arrange that.”

We spent the rest of the night wrapped in each other, reminiscing over Harvard hoodie. I never thought I would ever be so appreciative of a hoodie. 

The End. 

[lostinyourparadise98]

Can't help Falling in love*

A/N: pLEASE listen to Kina Grannis version of this song  while reading PLEASE it is so beautiful and it gave me sooooooo much inspiration. Hope you all enjoy!!

Shawn’s P.O.V

Before I met you, I always thought falling in love happened all at once. I always imagined one particular moment of me looking at someone and just completely knowing they were meant for me. I was so wrong, I was beyond wrong… Falling in love doesn’t happen all at once, it isn’t one moment  that determines everything, its a series of moments that build off each other that make  it all worth it. Puzzle pieces that make a beautiful picture, a picture of us. When I first saw you I had no idea the impact you would have on my heart. My heart, my love, my trust and respect is yours. The moments that showed me we belong together are simple and true, messy and perfectly imperfect. But its us, its our story and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. 

The fist moment that tugged at my heart was the first time you came to one of  my shows, it was in Amsterdam. I saw you in the crowd singing every word, dancing like no one was watching. You looked at me, and I looked at you and for a moment I forgot that there was anybody else in the room. Your smile infatuated me, you were so far away yet just looking into your eyes made me weak in the knees. After the show you told me you wanted to go for a walk, which was odd to me. I had told you about a party we could have gone too, I listed off names of celebrities that would be there, you kindly declined grabbing my hand and saying “Walk with me, lets go get lost in the lights.” I agreed and you and I roamed the streets of Amsterdam completely lost in each other. You told me about your childhood, why you love the color yellow, the ridiculous amount of records you have, and how afraid you were to fall in love. I was afraid too.  

The second moment was when you met my family. You woke at up at 6:00Am to fix your hair and make sure your outfit was to your satisfaction. You looked absolutely beautiful. You were a nervous wreck when we reached my childhood home. You tugged at a strand of your hair, a habit of yours that you always do when you’re nervous. I grabbed your hand and we made our way to the door. As soon as my mum looked at you I knew we were something special. Everything clicked so quickly, you were so kind to mum the conversation between you too was genuine and fun. You laughed at dads jokes, even the ones you knew weren’t funny, and Aaliyah my god did Aaliyah love you. The bond you had with the most important people in my life completely blew me away. I know you love me by the way you love them. Thank you for that. 

The third moment was the first fight we ever had. This may sound confusing but this argument was one that tested our strength and we made it. It seems like we are constantly being pulled in a million different directions when it comes to our careers. When you wake up, I’m going to sleep. It is just something we were not able to avoid. So much anger and frustration came along with the pain of missing you. I am so sorry for taking it out on you, just like I know you’re sorry for taking it out on me. It took me some time but I realized we weren't yelling at each other, we weren’t pushing each other or trying to take the other person down. Love, we were fighting for each other and in some cases we still are. I will never stop fighting for you, for us. Look at us baby, we made it! You are mine and I am yours. Thats the way it should aways be.

The fourth moment was the fist time we made love. I have never known the feeling of truly connecting with another person on such an intimate level. We took our time tangling ourselves in each other, chest to chest, the beat of your heart matching mine. I felt you, every part of you slowly until I couldn’t remember how to breathe. We showed each other how much we love one another that night. The way you said my name, the way you kiss my neck, the way you look up at me with those eyes drives me completely insane. Our bodies fit perfectly together, longing for one another. That love isn’t meant for anyone but you. I showed you my heart and that will remain for your eyes only. The feeling of you wrapped in my arms under the sheets is something I will never get tired of.

The fifth moment was the first time you called my apartment home. This was something we had talked about for awhile but you insisted that moving in together was a bad idea. I still don’t understand why, most of your things were at my place anyway. I just think you were afraid of the label even though you will never admit it. We had just gotten back from our trip to New York, you unlocked the door and waltzed right in. I watched you as you unpacked your things being too tired to do it as neatly as you normally would. You washed your face, brushed your teeth, threw on one of my t-shirts and  ran into bed. You were living with me and you refused to admit it. I got into bed and wrapped my arms around you. You cuddled into me, letting yourself fall into a deep sleep. Before you drifted you whispered into my ear. “Its good to be home.” You have no idea how much that meant to me. You are my home, it doesn’t matter where we are in the world as long as I am with you I am home

The sixth moment was the first time I told you I wasn’t going to use the blockers anymore. You understand anxiety better than anyone I know. There have been countless nights that you have stayed up with me, talking me through a panic attack. Your patience and kindness is something that never runs thin. I don’t know how to thank you for walking with me through some of the darkest moments of my life. When I first told you I was going to perform without them you cried. You held me in your arms and kissed me harder than I have ever been kissed before. Your support means the world to me and you did everything you could to reassure me that getting off of them was the best decision I could have ever made. It was a battle and there was definitely moments that I wanted to quit. You were there every step of the way. I will never be able to repay you for that, I love you so much.

The finial moment was the first time you said I love you. It took you awhile to say it back to me but I wasn’t afraid. I knew you would say it back when your heart told you, you were ready. We were at my cousins wedding, I was a groomsmen and I remember it was so hard to focus on anything but you. You wore a light blue dress that brought out your eyes perfectly. You sat with my family and as soon as the music began I couldn’t keep my eyes off of you. I couldn't help but imagine what our wedding would be like, what you would look like walking down the isle to me. They chose can’t help falling in love for the song my cousin walked down the isle too. You turned and our eyes met, the version of the song was beautiful, not as beautiful as you. It was our own secret moment no one else had a clue of what was going on between me and you. We stared into each others eyes for the entirety of the song. Your eyes began to water and suddenly everything slipped away. There was a moment the instruments went away and all I could hear were the lyrics, I know you felt that way too. You looked at me and mouthed the words ‘I love you’. I stood at the alter with the biggest smile on my face as I said it back as quickly as I could. I knew right then and there that my heart completely belonged to you. I want to hear you say those words over and over again. Please never stop saying those words to me my love.  I love you, I love you I love you.

I could go on for years about how much you mean to me. I could add this very moment where you are curled up in my chest as I type this on my phone, Your mouth is wide open as you sleep peacefully. You have no idea that in a few short days I am going to ask you to marry me. I can’t wait to start our journey together, its only the beginning for us my love. Heres to our future, heres to our happiness, and heres to you. There is no one in this world like you. I love you forever- Shawn 

[lostinyourparadise98]

Summer Evening

A/N: Guess whose back bitches!!!! I am so sorry I have been gone so long school has been absolutely insane. Just want to let you guys know requests are open so please feel free to message me!! Love you all-p

It takes me a moment to step outside as I take in the scenery in front of me. In all my life I have never witnessed sunsets like this. Orange, pink, and purple dance across the horizon spilling into each other making the world look like a painting. The soft California breeze is overwhelmingly calming. The sound of the ocean pulsing back and forth makes my heart flutter as I sigh in content. I have never felt so at peace and it is all because of him. Harry sits out in our yard his back facing me. I don’t have to look at his face to know he is smiling to himself. The thought of his smile makes my stomach turn as I realize in a few short months he won’t be laying beside me. I make my way to the bench he’s sitting on, my feet quietly padding across the warm grass. Harry softly hums along to the song that is playing through his speaker. His eyes are closed, his head titled back enjoying every minute of this Sunday evening. I lean down and kiss his nose. He jumps a little not expecting the sudden contact.

“Shit you scared me.” He chuckles as he clicks the bottom notch of his phone turning the music down. 

“I could tell.” I giggle. I start to walk past him to sit down but he gently grabs my writs and pulls me down to sit on his lap.

“Where you going?” He whispers I wrap my arms around his neck as he wraps his around my waist. The sun lights up his eyes perfectly, its almost impossible to look away. 

“I was going to sit down but I guess this will have to do.” I tease 

“You would have been too far away baby. You missed by the way.” His mouth curls up into a cheeky smirk.

“Missed what?” He places his hands on my hips slowly turning me till I am straddling his waist. He lifts his hand to my hair tucking the lose strands behind my ear. He slides his hand down my cheek till his thumb and pointer finger land on my chin. He waists no time connecting our lips. My hands make there way into his hair as our tongues twirl perfectly together. My God this man is unbelievably delicious. It takes everything in me not to just rip his shirt off. He somehow pushes me closer into him as we completely lose ourselves. His moans send shivers down my spine. He pulls his lips away earning a whine from me. Harry places his forehand against mine. 

“You missed my lips.” his hot breathe fans over my face, his chest rising and falling as he tries to pull himself back together.

“I wasn’t aiming for them styles.”

“Well my love that was your first mistake.” He leans in again this time his lips connect with my neck. 

“You won’t grow tired of my kisses?” I stretch my neck out to give him more access. My voice is shaky, my attempt to suppress my moans crumbling beneath his touch. 

“Please.Never. Stop. Kissing.Me.” he says between each kiss 

He pulls away and smiles up at me amused by the affect he has  on me. 

“What has gotten into you today?” he laughs at my question and says 

“What? I just wanna love on you.” I roll my eyes and rise from his lap grabbing the glasses and pitcher of strawberry lemonade he brought outside. 

“You want some more?” I ask 

“No baby I’ve already had like six glasses. I can’t get enough of your  strawberry lemonade I’m forcing you to make loads of it so I’m stocked up while I’m away.”

My heart and face drop as he brings up his departure.

“Hey whats with the face baby?” His voice is filled with love as I feel my eyes begin to swell.

“Words can not describe how proud I am of you Harry. It is a honor to be able to watch you live your dream and influence so many people. But it scares the hell out of me when you leave. I trust you with all my heart I never want you to question if I do but long distance is really hard. I don’t know if I can handle saying goodbye to you again. And you’re surrounded by so many beautiful and amazing people what if-” he cuts me off 

“Y/N you’re it for me. There is no one on this planet I would rather be with than you. You are my happiness, my forever. I am so sorry that you have been feeling this way but I promise you all you have to do is call me and I will be here for you. Even when its three Am and you want someone to talk to while you eat your late night ice cream. Or you just want to talk while you take your bubble bath I will be there.” he turns to face me grabbing his hands in mine 

“And I will fly you out whenever you want me to.”

“Harry you don’t have to do that I don’t want to be a burden.”

“You my love are far from a burden. You gave me the gift of love, you gave me trust comfort everything I could ever want. It is the least I could do.”

I lean my head down.

“Hey baby look at me.” My eyes interlock with his 

“Don’t worry about it, everything is going to be fine.”

His smile melts all my worries away. We turn to watch the sun go down he wraps his arms around me holding me close.

“Hey y/n?”

“Yeah babe?”

“Promise me that for the rest of our lives we will always spend our summer evenings exactly like this?”

“I promise.”

The night ends with his lips tangled in mine. 

Hey babies I hope you enjoyed! Its been awhile so Im a little rusty lol REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!!!!!

[lostinyourparadise98]

Let You Go

a/n: I hope you all enjoy! please like and share this one is kind of long (:

“You know I will always support you but I cannot let you do this.”

I roll down the sleeves of my sweater letting the fabric swipe away the tears that pool from my eyes. Ive told myself over and over again to never let it get to this point. To never let anyone see how much I love him but its too late.

“I can’t do this Brooke, its too hard.” My voice comes out as a whisper as Brooke sits beside me on the cold bathroom tile. She rests her head against the wall grabbing my hand in hers and sighing deeply.

“The wedding is tomorrow pet, you cannot just bail he is your best friend.”

Ive spent most of my life convincing myself that one day I would build up the courage to tell him the truth. That one day he would see me across the room, look into my eyes and that would be it. He would smile while walking over to me  and kiss me till the world melted away. Sometimes life doesn’t work out that way. So, here I am sitting on my bathroom floor with my roommate the day before the love of my life gets married, fighting with what I want to do and with what I know I have too.

“I cant even say his name without crying Brooke ” I rest my head on her shoulder.

“Im going to be honest with you okay? This i going to be the hardest thing you will ever have to do but I promise you, when you look back you won’t regret it. You can’t just disappear you have to take tomorrow as an opportunity to receive closure. To, to-”

“Let him go?” I finish her sentence

“Yes lovely, its time to let him go.”

The next morning

The sun shines bright today as I stand in front of the mirror. I  run my hands along the side of my dress making sure everything is in place. The peach colored fabric runs a couple of inches above my feet. I don’t normally wear backless but Brooke talked me into it. My hair is neatly curled falling just below my shoulders.

“Y/n! Gemma is here.” Brooke calls for me.

Taking one last look at myself I head downstairs following Brooke and Gammas laughter in the kitchen. My eyes land on Gemma she looks absolutely stunning she is practically glowing.

“Y/n look at you, oh my goodness you look amazing.” She pulls me in for a hug 

“You look incredible Gem.”

“Thank you sweets. Well what do you say are you ready to go?”

no no no no no no

“Yes all set!” 

“Have a good time you two. You both look beautiful ill pick you up later Y/N.” Brooke walks us to the door

We make our way to Gammas car. I have to continuously remind myself to breathe. I need to get it together.

“Hey wait.” Gemma lightly grabs my hand 

“whats up did you forget something?” I ask 

“Are you okay?” Her eyes are filled with compassion and love 

“Of course I’m okay why would you-”

“Y/n you’re my brothers best friend I have known you my entire life you don’t have to pretend around me.” Holy shit she knows 

“What are you talking about?” Please don’t make me talk about this 

“y/n, don’t play with me I see you. Its the way you look at him, hell even in the way you say his name. You love him.”

“Please Gemma I can't”

“I know my love, I know. I am so sorry y/n you have no idea how much I am hurting for you, I promise you I will be here for you okay? If you need to take a breather or something is too much for you to handle just tell me and we will get through it together.”

“You shouldn’t have to do that Gem its your brothers wedding day. You should be happy celebrating him not babysitting me.”

“I love my brother more than anything on this planet but that doesn’t mean I have to agree with everything he does.”

“Gem Emma is perfect for Harry. She makes him over the moon happy that is all I want for him. I guess thats what makes it worse she absolutely  lovely, not a bad bone in her body.”

“Don’t get me wrong I adore Emma but its always been you two, always. trust me I’m not the only one who thinks so.”

“Who else knows?” 

“My mum, well its basically obvious to everyone but Harry. Tell you the boy is clueless.”

“He doesn’t love me Gem I have to accept it.” 

“You’re the strongest person I know y/n.” 

The car ride to the church is spent with Gemma filling the air with small talk. I can tell she is trying to distract me bless her soul. There is nothing on this Earth that could pull me away from this pain. I should have told him why the hell did I not take a chance. What if he felt the same way, what if-

“y/n? you ready.” 

It takes me a moment to realize that we have arrived to the church. I take a deep breathe and nod. I step out of the car and force myself to smile. This is going to be a very long night. 

We step through the doors and I am taken back by how beautiful the church is. We are one of the first people here Anne greets us right away, hugging Gemma first then making her way to me. She immediately wraps her arms around me and whispers.

“He is looking for you I can come up with something if you’re not ready to see him.” I pull away 

“No, Its okay I’m ready.” Anne leads me to the back room where Harry is we both stand blankly in front of the door.

“I love you my sweet girl let know if you need anything.” 

“Thank you Anne I love you too.” She gently smiles and quietly walks away

I can feel my heart fall to my throat. My hand begins to shake as I slowly lift it and begin knocking.

“Come in.” His voice causes my heart to race my mouth goes dry I slowly turn the knob and enter. 

Harry stands in front of a tiny mirror adjusting his curly hair. He turns to face me and his face turns up into a bright smile. This is so hard 

“Hey, there you are come in.” the sun light streaming through the window causes his skin to radiate a heavenly glow. His eyes, My God those eyes I never want them to leave mine.

“Look at you, you look so handsome ” don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry 

He walks closer to me, “Thank you petal, you know its crazy to think that you use to be taller than me.”

“Oh hush you’ll shrink down by the time you’re forty. You’ll probably be balding by then too.”

He dramatically gasps, “Okay now you’ve crossed a line.” we both chuckle as he walks behind me grabbing two glasses and a bottle of champagne. He pops the Champagne open and begins pouring.

“I don’t think Ive ever been this nervous.” he hands me a glass 

“You’ll be fine you have nothing to worry about.”

“I need you to know that it means the world to me that you’re here. You’re my best friend and I could not imagine doing this without you.”

“Of course Harry what are friends for?” He steps closer to me 

“Can you promise me something?” His eyes poor into mine, it takes everything in me not to fall into his arms and confess everything. All I can do is nod as he continues.

“Promise me that we will be in each others lives forever. That we will spend holidays together and our kids will grow up and become best friends just like we did.” 

“I promise.” I raise my glass to his clinking it 

“Heres to forever.”

“To forever.” A forever next to a man I can never have. 

The ceremony begins, I watched Harry step up to the alter messing with his fingers as he waits for his bride. A nervous habit he has never been able to break. Theres a moment when everything goes silent my eyes are glued to Harry. His eyes are wide, his smile the brightest I have ever seen. I can’t stop myself from grinning along with him. He looks so happy, Emma makes her way closer to him their eyes are focused on each other. I watch him  mouth the words ‘I love you’ and in that moment my heart shatters. 

They exchange their vows giving the rest of their lives to one another. I sat in silence counting all the times I could have confessed. Once the ceremony ends I drive with Niall and Louis to the reception. Its nice to get pulled out of reality for awhile. Louis is the best person to go to when you need a distraction. Once we reach the reception I find my name tag and take my seat. I’m able to get through dinner and make polite conversation. The Dj announces Mr and Mrs. styles are about to have their fist dance. I couldn’t sit through it, I had to excuse myself.

I tried my best to be inconspicuous as I snuck through the back. The cool summer breeze kissed my skin, the sun began to set as I listened to their song in the background. I have never felt so empty. I couldn’t hold back anymore I let myself unravel I let every tear Ive ever held back fall.

I didn’t realize how long I was outside till the moon began to rise. I was suddenly pulled away from my thoughts when the back door opened.

“y/n? What are you doing out here I have been looking all over for you.” I can’t bring myself to face him.

“y/n? petal its freezing out here.” I feel him begin to wrap his tux around me but I pull away.

“You don’t have to do that I’m okay.” he stands closer to me 

“Have you been crying?” 

“I’m okay its probably just the wine you know how I get.” I try my best to keep my voice calm but the lump in my throat gets bigger and bigger 

“Hey, hey, hey look at me. You can talk to me y/n its me.”

“Harry please just go inside Ill be okay I promise just go back and enjoy your wedding.”

“I can’t enjoy it knowing you’re out here by yourself crying. You haven’t even danced with me yet.” I can’t help but chuckle at his concern 

“Come on please petal come dance with me I have a song picked out and everything.”

“Harry I can’t, Im sorry I just can’t.”

“Thats okay we can dance right here.”

“Here?”

“well you won’t go inside come on come here.”

He wraps his hands around my waist and I place mine on his shoulders. We slowly sway back and fourth even though the Dj is playing a fast paced song. I can’t handle looking at him so I place my head on his shoulder.

“Petal I want you to know that whatever is bothering you will get better. I will be here when you are ready to talk about it. I want you to enjoy yourself tonight I can’t stand to see you sad. Emma will be heartbroken if she knew you were so upset.” And with that I lost it again, I pulled away from him.

“I have to go Harry.” 

“What why?”

“I can’t handle this anymore.”

“y/n please talk to me you’re freaking me out.”

“Its too much I will ruin everything if I tell you.” He grabs my hands in his attempting to calm me down 

“Please just talk to me I promise you aren’t going to ruin anything.”

“You are the most important person in my life Harry. You have been here for me my entire life and your friendship means the world to me. I thought I could push it away, I thought I would be able to do this but its impossible because I’m in love with you. I don’t expect you to do or say anything I just needed you to know. I will leave and you won’t have to worry about me intruding I promise I am so sorry for ruining everything I just-” 

He wraps his arms around me and pulls my body close to his chest. I slowly bring my arms around him, hugging him back. I hear him sniffle and realize he is crying. He pulls away for a moment and puts his forehead against mine

“I should have told you.” he whispers 

“What?” This can’t be happening 

“Its always been you y/n.”

“You can’t say that to me Harry this can’t happen its too late.”

“I know.” Tears streaming down both of our face 

“Its best for the both of us if I disappear for awhile Harry.”

“Petal please don’t you’re my best friend, I love you.”

“I love you too but this is too hard I can’t watch you kiss her its too painful I just need some time.”

“Please don’t do this.”

“Harry I have to let you go.”

“I know that you understand that I love Emma with all my heart. She makes me so happy and for a long time I was convinced I would never have that. She is my wife and I will always honor and be loyal to her. But that will never change the fact that you will always be my first. It was you from the beginning, you will aways be in my heart fucking always. Promise me you won’t let this change us please.”

“I can’t promise that. I just need to go away for awhile please don’t be upset with me.”

He leans down and presses his lips to my forehead.

“I could never be upset with I just can’t believe we have to-”

“Let each other go.” we say in unison

He let me go. 

Hope you all enjoyed!!! sorry if none of it makes sense I never edit my work lol

[lostinyourparadise98]

Let You Go

a/n: I hope you all enjoy! please like and share this one is kind of long (:

“You know I will always support you but I cannot let you do this.”

I roll down the sleeves of my sweater letting the fabric swipe away the tears that pool from my eyes. Ive told myself over and over again to never let it get to this point. To never let anyone see how much I love him but its too late.

“I can't do this Brooke, its too hard.” My voice comes out as a whisper as Brooke sits beside me on the cold bathroom tile. She rests her head against the wall grabbing my hand in hers and sighing deeply.

“The wedding is tomorrow pet, you cannot just bail he is your best friend.”

Ive spent most of my life convincing myself that one day I would build up the courage to tell him the truth. That one day he would see me across the room, look into my eyes and that would be it. He would smile while walking over to me  and kiss me till the world melted away. Sometimes life doesn't work out that way. So, here I am sitting on my bathroom floor with my roommate the day before the love of my life gets married, fighting with what I want to do and with what I know I have too.

“I cant even say his name without crying Brooke ” I rest my head on her shoulder.

“Im going to be honest with you okay? This i going to be the hardest thing you will ever have to do but I promise you, when you look back you won't regret it. You can't just disappear you have to take tomorrow as an opportunity to receive closure. To, to-”

“Let him go?” I finish her sentence

“Yes lovely, its time to let him go.”

The next morning

The sun shines bright today as I stand in front of the mirror. I  run my hands along the side of my dress making sure everything is in place. The peach colored fabric runs a couple of inches above my feet. I don't normally wear backless but Brooke talked me into it. My hair is neatly curled falling just below my shoulders.

“Y/n! Gemma is here.” Brooke calls for me.

Taking one last look at myself I head downstairs following Brooke and Gammas laughter in the kitchen. My eyes land on Gemma she looks absolutely stunning she is practically glowing.

“Y/n look at you, oh my goodness you look amazing.” She pulls me in for a hug 

“You look incredible Gem.”

“Thank you sweets. Well what do you say are you ready to go?”

no no no no no no

“Yes all set!” 

“Have a good time you two. You both look beautiful ill pick you up later Y/N.” Brooke walks us to the door

We make our way to Gammas car. I have to continuously remind myself to breathe. I need to get it together.

“Hey wait.” Gemma lightly grabs my hand 

“whats up did you forget something?” I ask 

“Are you okay?” Her eyes are filled with compassion and love 

“Of course I'm okay why would you-”

“Y/n you're my brothers best friend I have known you my entire life you don't have to pretend around me.” Holy shit she knows 

“What are you talking about?” Please don't make me talk about this 

“y/n, don't play with me I see you. Its the way you look at him, hell even in the way you say his name. You love him.”

“Please Gemma I can't”

“I know my love, I know. I am so sorry y/n you have no idea how much I am hurting for you, I promise you I will be here for you okay? If you need to take a breather or something is too much for you to handle just tell me and we will get through it together.”

“You shouldn't have to do that Gem its your brothers wedding day. You should be happy celebrating him not babysitting me.”

“I love my brother more than anything on this planet but that doesn't mean I have to agree with everything he does.”

“Gem Emma is perfect for Harry. She makes him over the moon happy that is all I want for him. I guess thats what makes it worse she absolutely  lovely, not a bad bone in her body.”

“Don't get me wrong I adore Emma but its always been you two, always. trust me I'm not the only one who thinks so.”

“Who else knows?” 

“My mum, well its basically obvious to everyone but Harry. Tell you the boy is clueless.”

“He doesn't love me Gem I have to accept it.” 

“You're the strongest person I know y/n.” 

The car ride to the church is spent with Gemma filling the air with small talk. I can tell she is trying to distract me bless her soul. There is nothing on this Earth that could pull me away from this pain. I should have told him why the hell did I not take a chance. What if he felt the same way, what if-

“y/n? you ready.” 

It takes me a moment to realize that we have arrived to the church. I take a deep breathe and nod. I step out of the car and force myself to smile. This is going to be a very long night. 

We step through the doors and I am taken back by how beautiful the church is. We are one of the first people here Anne greets us right away, hugging Gemma first then making her way to me. She immediately wraps her arms around me and whispers.

“He is looking for you I can come up with something if you're not ready to see him.” I pull away 

“No, Its okay I'm ready.” Anne leads me to the back room where Harry is we both stand blankly in front of the door.

“I love you my sweet girl let know if you need anything.” 

“Thank you Anne I love you too.” She gently smiles and quietly walks away

I can feel my heart fall to my throat. My hand begins to shake as I slowly lift it and begin knocking.

“Come in.” His voice causes my heart to race my mouth goes dry I slowly turn the knob and enter. 

Harry stands in front of a tiny mirror adjusting his curly hair. He turns to face me and his face turns up into a bright smile. This is so hard 

“Hey, there you are come in.” the sun light streaming through the window causes his skin to radiate a heavenly glow. His eyes, My God those eyes I never want them to leave mine.

“Look at you, you look so handsome ” don't cry don't cry don't cry 

He walks closer to me, “Thank you petal, you know its crazy to think that you use to be taller than me.”

“Oh hush you'll shrink down by the time you're forty. You'll probably be balding by then too.”

He dramatically gasps, “Okay now you've crossed a line.” we both chuckle as he walks behind me grabbing two glasses and a bottle of champagne. He pops the Champagne open and begins pouring.

“I don’t think Ive ever been this nervous.” he hands me a glass 

“You’ll be fine you have nothing to worry about.”

“I need you to know that it means the world to me that you're here. You're my best friend and I could not imagine doing this without you.”

“Of course Harry what are friends for?” He steps closer to me 

“Can you promise me something?” His eyes poor into mine, it takes everything in me not to fall into his arms and confess everything. All I can do is nod as he continues.

“Promise me that we will be in each others lives forever. That we will spend holidays together and our kids will grow up and become best friends just like we did.” 

“I promise.” I raise my glass to his clinking it 

“Heres to forever.”

“To forever.” A forever next to a man I can never have. 

The ceremony begins, I watched Harry step up to the alter messing with his fingers as he waits for his bride. A nervous habit he has never been able to break. Theres a moment when everything goes silent my eyes are glued to Harry. His eyes are wide, his smile the brightest I have ever seen. I can't stop myself from grinning along with him. He looks so happy, Emma makes her way closer to him their eyes are focused on each other. I watch him  mouth the words ‘I love you’ and in that moment my heart shatters. 

They exchange their vows giving the rest of their lives to one another. I sat in silence counting all the times I could have confessed. Once the ceremony ends I drive with Niall and Louis to the reception. Its nice to get pulled out of reality for awhile. Louis is the best person to go to when you need a distraction. Once we reach the reception I find my name tag and take my seat. I'm able to get through dinner and make polite conversation. The Dj announces Mr and Mrs. styles are about to have their fist dance. I couldn't sit through it, I had to excuse myself.

I tried my best to be inconspicuous as I snuck through the back. The cool summer breeze kissed my skin, the sun began to set as I listened to their song in the background. I have never felt so empty. I couldn't hold back anymore I let myself unravel I let every tear Ive ever held back fall.

I didn't realize how long I was outside till the moon began to rise. I was suddenly pulled away from my thoughts when the back door opened.

“y/n? What are you doing out here I have been looking all over for you.” I can't bring myself to face him.

“y/n? petal its freezing out here.” I feel him begin to wrap his tux around me but I pull away.

“You don't have to do that I'm okay.” he stands closer to me 

“Have you been crying?” 

“I’m okay its probably just the wine you know how I get.” I try my best to keep my voice calm but the lump in my throat gets bigger and bigger 

“Hey, hey, hey look at me. You can talk to me y/n its me.”

“Harry please just go inside Ill be okay I promise just go back and enjoy your wedding.”

“I can't enjoy it knowing you’re out here by yourself crying. You haven't even danced with me yet.” I can't help but chuckle at his concern 

“Come on please petal come dance with me I have a song picked out and everything.”

“Harry I can't, Im sorry I just can't.”

“Thats okay we can dance right here.”

“Here?”

“well you won't go inside come on come here.”

He wraps his hands around my waist and I place mine on his shoulders. We slowly sway back and fourth even though the Dj is playing a fast paced song. I can't handle looking at him so I place my head on his shoulder.

“Petal I want you to know that whatever is bothering you will get better. I will be here when you are ready to talk about it. I want you to enjoy yourself tonight I can't stand to see you sad. Emma will be heartbroken if she knew you were so upset.” And with that I lost it again, I pulled away from him.

“I have to go Harry.” 

“What why?”

“I can't handle this anymore.”

“y/n please talk to me you're freaking me out.”

“Its too much I will ruin everything if I tell you.” He grabs my hands in his attempting to calm me down 

“Please just talk to me I promise you aren't going to ruin anything.”

“You are the most important person in my life Harry. You have been here for me my entire life and your friendship means the world to me. I thought I could push it away, I thought I would be able to do this but its impossible because I'm in love with you. I don't expect you to do or say anything I just needed you to know. I will leave and you won't have to worry about me intruding I promise I am so sorry for ruining everything I just-” 

He wraps his arms around me and pulls my body close to his chest. I slowly bring my arms around him, hugging him back. I hear him sniffle and realize he is crying. He pulls away for a moment and puts his forehead against mine

“I should have told you.” he whispers 

“What?” This can't be happening 

“Its always been you y/n.”

“You can't say that to me Harry this can't happen its too late.”

“I know.” Tears streaming down both of our face 

“Its best for the both of us if I disappear for awhile Harry.”

“Petal please don't you're my best friend, I love you.”

“I love you too but this is too hard I can't watch you kiss her its too painful I just need some time.”

“Please don't do this.”

“Harry I have to let you go.”

“I know that you understand that I love Emma with all my heart. She makes me so happy and for a long time I was convinced I would never have that. She is my wife and I will always honor and be loyal to her. But that will never change the fact that you will always be my first. It was you from the beginning, you will aways be in my heart fucking always. Promise me you won't let this change us please.”

“I can't promise that. I just need to go away for awhile please don't be upset with me.”

He leans down and presses his lips to my forehead.

“I could never be upset with I just can't believe we have to-”

“Let each other go.” we say in unison

He let me go. 

Hope you all enjoyed!!! sorry if none of it makes sense I never edit my work lol

[lostinyourparadise98]

Will Ferrell plays Harry in a ‘Cut for Time’ sketch on SNL

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+

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tour suits series

↳ Milan (11.10.2017)

[lostinyourparadise98]

Summer Evening

A/N: Guess whose back bitches!!!! I am so sorry I have been gone so long school has been absolutely insane. Just want to let you guys know requests are open so please feel free to message me!! Love you all-p

It takes me a moment to step outside as I take in the scenery in front of me. In all my life I have never witnessed sunsets like this. Orange, pink, and purple dance across the horizon spilling into each other making the world look like a painting. The soft California breeze is overwhelmingly calming. The sound of the ocean pulsing back and forth makes my heart flutter as I sigh in content. I have never felt so at peace and it is all because of him. Harry sits out in our yard his back facing me. I don't have to look at his face to know he is smiling to himself. The thought of his smile makes my stomach turn as I realize in a few short months he won't be laying beside me. I make my way to the bench he's sitting on, my feet quietly padding across the warm grass. Harry softly hums along to the song that is playing through his speaker. His eyes are closed, his head titled back enjoying every minute of this Sunday evening. I lean down and kiss his nose. He jumps a little not expecting the sudden contact.

“Shit you scared me.” He chuckles as he clicks the bottom notch of his phone turning the music down. 

“I could tell.” I giggle. I start to walk past him to sit down but he gently grabs my writs and pulls me down to sit on his lap.

“Where you going?” He whispers I wrap my arms around his neck as he wraps his around my waist. The sun lights up his eyes perfectly, its almost impossible to look away. 

“I was going to sit down but I guess this will have to do.” I tease 

“You would have been too far away baby. You missed by the way.” His mouth curls up into a cheeky smirk.

“Missed what?” He places his hands on my hips slowly turning me till I am straddling his waist. He lifts his hand to my hair tucking the lose strands behind my ear. He slides his hand down my cheek till his thumb and pointer finger land on my chin. He waists no time connecting our lips. My hands make there way into his hair as our tongues twirl perfectly together. My God this man is unbelievably delicious. It takes everything in me not to just rip his shirt off. He somehow pushes me closer into him as we completely lose ourselves. His moans send shivers down my spine. He pulls his lips away earning a whine from me. Harry places his forehand against mine. 

“You missed my lips.” his hot breathe fans over my face, his chest rising and falling as he tries to pull himself back together.

“I wasn't aiming for them styles.”

“Well my love that was your first mistake.” He leans in again this time his lips connect with my neck. 

“You won't grow tired of my kisses?” I stretch my neck out to give him more access. My voice is shaky, my attempt to suppress my moans crumbling beneath his touch. 

“Please.Never. Stop. Kissing.Me.” he says between each kiss 

He pulls away and smiles up at me amused by the affect he has  on me. 

“What has gotten into you today?” he laughs at my question and says 

“What? I just wanna love on you.” I roll my eyes and rise from his lap grabbing the glasses and pitcher of strawberry lemonade he brought outside. 

“You want some more?” I ask 

“No baby I've already had like six glasses. I can't get enough of your  strawberry lemonade I'm forcing you to make loads of it so I'm stocked up while I'm away.”

My heart and face drop as he brings up his departure.

“Hey whats with the face baby?” His voice is filled with love as I feel my eyes begin to swell.

“Words can not describe how proud I am of you Harry. It is a honor to be able to watch you live your dream and influence so many people. But it scares the hell out of me when you leave. I trust you with all my heart I never want you to question if I do but long distance is really hard. I don't know if I can handle saying goodbye to you again. And you're surrounded by so many beautiful and amazing people what if-” he cuts me off 

“Y/N you're it for me. There is no one on this planet I would rather be with than you. You are my happiness, my forever. I am so sorry that you have been feeling this way but I promise you all you have to do is call me and I will be here for you. Even when its three Am and you want someone to talk to while you eat your late night ice cream. Or you just want to talk while you take your bubble bath I will be there.” he turns to face me grabbing his hands in mine 

“And I will fly you out whenever you want me to.”

“Harry you don't have to do that I don't want to be a burden.”

“You my love are far from a burden. You gave me the gift of love, you gave me trust comfort everything I could ever want. It is the least I could do.”

I lean my head down.

“Hey baby look at me.” My eyes interlock with his 

“Don't worry about it, everything is going to be fine.”

His smile melts all my worries away. We turn to watch the sun go down he wraps his arms around me holding me close.

“Hey y/n?”

“Yeah babe?”

“Promise me that for the rest of our lives we will always spend our summer evenings exactly like this?”

“I promise.”

The night ends with his lips tangled in mine. 

Hey babies I hope you enjoyed! Its been awhile so Im a little rusty lol REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!!!!!

[lostinyourparadise98]

!!!!!!!

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MCR:

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Requests Are Open!!

I’m back on my shit with my main bitch Harry💓 Please feel free to leave imagine requests in my inbox!!! I want to start writing again

[lostinyourparadise98]

I would like to just take a moment of silence for 2013 One direction....

Those bitches fucked me up in ways I didnt realize I needed

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"oMg neW pIcTuReS oF S aNd C cUddLiNg"

Me:

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Space

A/n: This one is a little sad, but its the mood I'm in so im sorry ): It gets better towards the end I promise. 

This was inspired by the song I found, by Amber Run! Take a listen if you would like.

WARNING: Talk of depression, language, heated argument and a light drizzle of smut.

ALSOOOO i apologize that none of my work is edited!!! I always write super late at night so my brain is always half melted. I'm sorry if none of this makes sense ehehehe!!! I'm trying my best (:

requests are still open!

“I don't know what you want me to say.” I hear the sound of my own voice and wince at the harsh tone. Shawn's face drops as he endures the impact from it. The sun begins to set, the light orange, pink, and purple illuminate around his entire body, causing him to have a heavenly glow. He sits on our mattress, a tight, white tank top hugging his body perfectly, the necklace he always wears peaking from beneath the cloth, His hair in its natural state. A single curl falls in front of his face hovering over his hazel eyes. His eyes, my God I could completely lose myself in those eyes.

He looks up at me his mouth pressed in a thin line. Concern dances across his face as he waits for me to finish speaking.

“You don't have to say anything baby, I just want you to stop pushing me away.” His voice is soft, and filled with patience. For some reason I can't accept his kindness, I can't accept him, I just feel angry. 

“Im not pushing you away.” I wrap my arms across my chest, tugging on the cardigan that falls loosely off my body.

“Y/n you can't even look at me..” I stare down at my feet as I feel the lump in my throat begin to grow.He doesn't understand, he could never understand. 

“y/n, baby please I am worried about you.”He slowly rises to his feet and makes his way towards me. I feel my heart begin to beat rapidly against my chest. He slowly slides his hands up and down my arms, attempting to relax me.

“There is nothing wrong Shawn.” My sentence comes out weaker than I would have liked.

“I know you like the back of my hand, you're not acting like you.” he brings his thumb and pointer finger under my chin and raises my head to look up at him. We stay looking at each other for while. I feel him begin to lean down, he closes his eyes  but before our lips can touch I push him away. 

The hurt expression on his face tugs on my heart. Why am I doing this? Why can't I just let him in? Before I can process what is happening, my mouth is running wild.

“Jesus Shawn, why can't you just fuck off just give me fucking space. You can't just kiss me and expect everything to be okay, just fuck off.” My skin is burning in anger, my face wet from the tears that trickle down my face. 

I push past him and make my way to the window, letting the sun light spill into my skin. Im making this worse, Why do I keep fucking everything up?

My back faces him, I can hear him walk across the floor as it creaks. I can feel his eyes burning into the back of my body.

“I love you more than anything on this fucking Earth. I don't get why you can't see that, why you refuse to believe that there is someone in this world who would do absolutely anything for you. I love you and I respect you, but you can't just blow up on me like this and expect me to be okay with it. I understand that you are going through something right now, but you can't treat me like this. We have to communicate y/n, please don't do this.”

My chest feels like a hundred bricks have just been dropped on it. The sound of his voice wraps around me like a blanket, I want nothing more than to give in, to fall into his arms, but my pride won't let me.

“Just leave, please just leave.” I feel myself begin to cry harder.

“You know I can't do that.” I quickly snap around to face him.

“Whats stopping you, huh? Everyone else in my life has done it, you can do it too!” I walk closer to him till we are face to face.

“Y/n I-”

“Dont! Just fucking don't!” I yell 

“Leave Shawn.” I shout 

“Im not leaving you like this y/n.”

“Leave!” I bring my hands to his chest and push him as hard as I can, he barely budges.

“Leave!” I repeat this action over and over again until he grabs my writs. I can feel my breathing quicken as the tears fall down my face. 

“Baby you need to calm down you're going to make yourself sick.” I drop to my knees and bury my face in my hands. I feel Shawn race to my side wrapping his arms around my tiny frame.

“It hurts Shawn, It hurts so bad I don't know how to make the hurt go away.”

“My love you don't have to do this on your own. I am here for you, I will aways be here for you.” He gently pulls my hands from my face and rests his forehead against mine.

“If I could take every ounce of pain in your heart and pour it into mine I would. I am so in love with you and it kills me to think that you made yourself believe that I'm going to leave you. Baby, I am not going anywhere, you are it for me. You are my laughter, you are my hope, my joy, my entire fucking heart. I love you so much it honestly hurts.” He grabs my hand and places it on his chest, over his heart, its racing.

“You feel that? It beats for you, and only you.” His eyes begin to water 

“Let me in love, I want to see all of you. The good, the bad, the ugly I will be here through all of it. You can count on me baby, you can lean on me. You don't have to carry this weight anymore.”His voice is barely above a whisper.

“I don’t deserve you.” My voice is hoarse from all the crying.

“Don't talk like that.” He whispers 

I crawl towards him till I am sitting on his lap. I waist no time time burying my face into his neck wrapping my arms tightly around him. He does the same, sliding his hand up and down my back, an action he knows always helps me calm down. I will never get over this boys hugging abilities. We sit in this position for what seems like years, till I pull away and crash his lips with mine. 

There is so much want in this kiss, so much need, I can feel every ounce of his love pooling into my heart. His tongue taste like mint and peach, a flavor that I will never get tired of. My hands make there way to his hair as I tug at the soft curls that poke off of his head. His hands stay firmly on my hips, pulling me as close to him as humanly possible.His tongue tangles with mine, our breathing grows heavy as we try to catch our breath.

I pull my lips away from him, earning a loud whine. I place my lips on his neck, an action I know drives him crazy. He can't help the throaty moan that falls from his lips as I hit his sweet spot.

I.love.you.” I say between each kiss. 

Our eyes meet again as he rests his hand on my cheek.

“I Love you more.” My heart skips a beat 

“Im so sorry for everything, I am so sorry-” He cuts me off with another sweet kiss.

“Its okay.”

“No its not, I shouldn't have treated you like that. I love you so much and you have no idea how much I need you.”

“I need you just as much y/n.” He whispers 

“I don't think thats possible.” He bites his perfect pink lips.

“Let me show you how much I love you.” He scoops me up in his arms and carries me bridal style. I giggle as he gently lays me down on the mattress. He hovers over me, his necklace slowly swaying back and forth. I gently grab the necklace between my fingers and tug at it, pulling him down to kiss me again. Shawn pecks my lips softly smiling into the kiss. He pulls away raising his arms over his head to pull his shirt off.

“Wait, don't take it off yet.” Confusion washes over his entire face.

I sit up flipping the position so I am the hovering him.

“I wanna do it.” A big grin spreads across his face. I take my time running my fingers down his broad chest and over his abs till I reach the bottom of his shirt. I lift the fabric revealing his delicious skin.

I want to lick every part of this body. 

I pull his shirt upward till I get closer to his head. He lifts his hands over his head, allowing me to lift it off of him completely. He attaches his lips to mine once again. I bring my hand to his cheek, slowly rocking my hips back and forth over his crotch. He lets out a hungry moan and I almost fall apart right there. I detach my lips from his and bring them to his collar bone, I begin to gently suck on his skin leaving a mark as he sighs in content. I go down further, licking over his chest till I reach the bottom of his belly. His breathing speeds up as I come in contact with the belt of his pants.

I fumble with his belt, the cool metal clinking together as I rip it off, and unzip his pants. We both laugh as he wiggles, urgently trying to get his pants off. He kicks them to the ground, his breath hitches in his throat as I place my hand over his bulge, massaging it gently.

“Fuck.” he curses, throwing his head back in pleasure. 

He’s so responsive to me, watching him unbundle under my touch drives me absolutely insane. I bring my hands to the waistband of his calving Klein underwear, before I can pull them down he stops me.

“Not yet love.” He flips us over again, geez we do that a lot.

I throw my shirt over my head as he unbuckles my bra, revealing my breasts. He leans down kissing each one sweetly.

“You are breath taking y/n.” I feel my cheeks heat up.

He copies my actions, starting with my neck and slowly licking his way down to my pants. He pulls my pants off with ease as he kisses my hip bones causing me to squirm bean the him.

“So beautiful.” he whispers 

I look down at him as he becomes face to face with my underwear. He places a kiss directly on my core, teasing me. 

He looks up at me smirking, as he brings his head to the waist band of my panties pulling them down with his teeth. What is he doing to to me? He is going to be the death of me. 

I spread my legs open as he places a kiss directly on my inner thighs, bringing his head closer to my exposed skin, blowing on it gently. He knows what he's doing, as he giggles at my whine. I buck my lips trying to earn any type of friction. 

He moves head head away from my thighs and crawls back up to me, till his mouth is right next to my ear.

“Im going to make you feel so good baby. Im going to show you how much I need you, how much I want you. Is that okay with you?”

I nod my head unable to speak.

“Say it out loud baby, I want to hear you say it.”

“I want you.” I say breathlessly

He slides his hand down, spreading my legs open again. He circles hands over the sensitive bundle of nerves that are left just for him. 

“What do you want me to do?” He whispers seductively 

“Touch me.” I whine again 

“I am touching you.” He can be a little shit sometimes 

“I want you to make love to me.” He kisses the tip of my nose

“Till there are no spaces between us?”

My heart melts at the love in his eyes. 

“Till there are no spaces between us.” I reply

The End.

I was going to continue buuuuuuuut I chickened out hehehehehehe maybe next time. Don't worry... y/n and Shawn will go all the way soon enough!!!

I hope you enjoyed I'm sorry this was so emo.