#Harpoon dandys world

[nimos-flakes]

Harpoon/cuddlefish yaoiposting

just a bit of a little storyboard i whipped up for my pals to enjoy :>

[dragonsyot]

FFFFFFAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[ardeybarnes]

if they ever interact they NEED to have an interaction like this ,,,

[eyedruple]

my butt

[writer59january13]

Trumpeting and mythologizing deranged deplorable basket case as demigod

Any idea regarding who unnamed individual earned such lofty title? I offer a clue, that averred person unknown to many others within the webbed, wide world, and familiarity limited to smattered kith and kin. Lemme know if dead giveaway ala handy dandy blues clue prompted that "aha" realization. Hero worship in the age of cynicism baffles one disillusioned eccentric, who prides himself (without prejudice), bolstered courtesy his sense and sensibility self actualized ex post facto compliments of nasty and brutally destructive

purblind (in retrospect,

raffish, selfish) endeavors nearly devastating, harpooning

cocky eye looey fella,

lopping, et cetera

pledged troth July twenty fifth nineteen hundred and ninety six

made when unbridled marital covenant accepted,

scuttled in favor of liberating libidinal longings largely licensing licentious liaisons simultaneously, permanently, and majorly compromising, jeopardizing, violating once especially cherished bonds

between father of two darling daughters, (the eldest - a recent

University of Pennsylvania alumni approaching her twenty eighth birthday December 22nd, 2024 - once upon a time hashtagged as daddy's girl) cut himself down to size of raw bits particularly indecorous flagrant callousness emotional and financial niggardliness he lavished with paltry

acquired scant monies acquired courtesy family beneficence (chump change received such as for mine birthday and holiday gifts - cashed treasury bonds before maturity) spent acquisition or borrowed currency on meager trappings for yours truly where (barely able,

nay impossible mission) to meet costs

of living social on the MainLine

within Lower Merion School District offered superlative public education - to challenge first born GIEP student and second offspring, who exhibited developmental delay, thus whose IEP pared down so she could rally approbation in the form

of attagirl, kudos, stickers, et cetera) slightly more manageable, yet being chronically unemployed

(and unemployable – before qualifying

for government largesse)

until I met criteria and bankrolled unearned income to receive social security disability, still sorely challenged person

writing these words

to meet paying rent and utilities, and also linkedin to significant mental health challenges

in tandem with faith no more, and abandonment of attaining potential smarts regarding accessing academic gifted aptitude thwarted, stymied, hijacked to Cuba, et cetera marked ambivalence toward self success nearly failed every grade

even kindergarten - ha and sustained behavioral pattern earning me poor marks when launching feeble

attempts to work, and managed to witness being terminated, thus accruing splendid curriculum vitae awash with horrendous, and deleterious feedback unflattering to say the least and unfavorable to college/ university admissions officials, plus being long haired pencil neck geek when doos more conservative),

a definite strike against unseen positive impression videre licet in the eyes of potential employer, whereby poor performance track record signaled a red flag accumulating over time to affect dark shadows qua nine inch nails scratching across outsize blackboard,

foo fighting, beastie boys bullying scaring the bejesus out of me unsure

outer limits of the twilight zone inhabited, where the wild things live hovering at the edge of night

subsequently spurring yours truly

to dejectedly slink along

the hallowed halls of higher learning to savor the sounds of silence

being secreted and sequestered

within bedroom inside domicile

of my boyhood, adolescence,

and emerging adulthood.

[s-c-r-i-p-s-i]

Candy is Dandy but Liquor is Quicker

[Dead by Baelight’s Kinktober // Day 8 and 18 : Outfit/Skin, Cornered]

🖤  🖤   🖤 “Don’t come any closer,” you warned shakily, backing up against the boarded-up door as he stalked forward, every step radiating confidence. “Or you’ll what?” He asked, leaning in. “Arrest me?” Playfully rattling the costume handcuffs on your belt, he set his gun against the door. You stared up at him, eyes wide as saucers, and he just snorted, curling a finger in your hair. “Darlin’…” Tilting his head, his fingers traveled lower, slowly ghosting over your neck, your collarbone…. You inhaled sharply in frightened anticipation, goosebumps rising, only for him to skim over your chest entirely, plucking one of the mini bottles from your bandolier. “I would love…” Long, bony, but strangely elegant fingers unscrewed the cap, flicking it off where it clattered across the floor somewhere. “To see you try.” 🖤  🖤   🖤 Pairing: Deathslinger (Caleb Quinn) x F! Reader

Rating: Explicit

CW: non-con/dub-con, bondage, drinking, smut, canon-typical violence

Word Count: 4,927

Something… odd had been happening lately.

Not the cankerous growths and sickly orange flowers that were always so abundant this time of year - or whatever passed for a year in this everlasting hell. By no means was that unprecedented.

Ask anyone who’d been there long enough to know and they’d tell you; there was a certain… cyclicity to things. Recurring phenomenon - the red envelopes, the flowers, the mysterious gifts wrapped up like Christmas presents. Always sequential, always in order, like some crude imitation of seasons. (And for what? No one ever aged a day.)

No, this was something new.

And new, in the Entity’s realm, was never a good thing. But… You had to admit, this seemed mostly harmless.

Look - It’s not like you were ever really in control of what you wore here, anyway. Most of the time, you were just stuck with whatever clothes you were wearing when you rolled into the fog. Sometimes She (that omnipotent thing in the sky) threw you in something else. Nobody ever really paid it much mind. The Entity worked in mysterious ways. And people, frankly, had more important shit to worry about.

But then when the flowers started blooming this year, things got a little weird.

She -…

She started putting people in costumes.

Cheap polyester numbers, mostly - the kind you’d buy from a big-box store, straight from one of those awful clear vinyl bags.

…It was starting to look a lot like Halloween. Jack-o’-lanterns even began appearing, scattered around the campfire and adorning the generators.

And nobody knew what the fuck was going on. Hell, not everyone even knew what Halloween was. You had quite the diverse cast; some people weren’t even from the same world as you.

The general vibe around the campfire was just… mild amusement if anything. You had a chuckle, then moved on. That was just the way of things. Everyone had these… survivor blinders on. You guess it was hard to get phased by something so minor when you all got murdered on the daily, but…

But you weren’t content with that.

You always had trouble just accepting things at face value. You wanted to know why.

Like - was the Entity stroking out? Things always did get a little strange around this time. Almost as if She were sick.

It was rare, but there were these little… Well, Feng called them glitches, and it was apt a term as any. Just little things, here and there, like She couldn’t quite enforce the rules of her own game.

Almost everything in this world seemed to be harvested from people’s memories. So… Maybe she was starting to pull things at random. Spiraling.

Was this the synaptic failure of a dying god?

Probably not, but there was nothing to do besides let your mind wander, and it was the only theory you had.

And then….

Then She whisked you away to Frontierland in the gaudiest slutty sheriff costume known to man and pit you against the goddamn cowboy.

Yeah, no - that was about a step too far to have been a happy accident.

Maybe you were thinking too hard. Maybe She just had a fucked up sense of humor.

When the fog cleared, you found yourself in the saloon with the others. You half-heartedly laughed it off (“Yeah, yeah. Okay. Very funny.”) and then moved on. Business as usual.

But not before rolling your eyes and discreetly downing one of the liquor minis from the shitty novelty booze bandolier sewn to your costume behind everyone’s backs.

At least She had the decency to stock it.

You were finishing up cleansing a totem when you heard the telltale crack of a gunshot split the air from all the way across the map. Not anywhere close enough to be dangerous, but a dead giveaway as to who you were up against.

…And cold hard proof that your little outfit was far from coincidence. The literal and proverbial smoking gun.

The moment you heard it you deflated, head falling back.

Seriously? What the fuck was She playing at?

Why you?

It wasn’t much of a conscious decision; you found yourself plucking another bottle from your bandolier and knocking it back without a whole lot of thought. You were obviously going to need it. Staring blankly ahead, you incredulously shook your head as you thumbed the moisture from your lip.

Okay. Alright. That was it, for now, you decided.

The Entity gave you a fully loaded bandolier - seriously, you were armed to the teeth with the little mini bottles, to the point it was actually kind of heavy. But you already felt a little weak in the knees after just two shots. It had been a while, so your tolerance was understandably nil. You didn’t want to be useless to your team. More importantly, it now felt critical you get out of there without running into the killer.

The Deathslinger was one of those ones. Not overly talkative, like a couple of the killers were, but he definitely got a kick out of the whole thing. There was a stark difference between the two camps, so to speak - the ones who only seemed like they killed because they had to, and the ones who were completely in their element. And he was obviously one of the latter.

It was that goddamn laugh. Low and sultry. Chuckling whenever he hooked someone or when a survivor did something exceptionally dumb. Even when you weren’t the target of it, you’d come to associate it with pure humiliation.

And you just knew that he’d take one look at you, in your stupid sheriff costume, and… Oh. You were steaming mad only thinking about it.

So you made it your personal mission to avoid him this trial. And to do that, you had to actually get out. Which meant no more drinks for you!

You should have known She had other plans.

You did your best to keep a low profile, tried to make sure you were on the opposite side of the map from him at all times, while still being useful. A difficult balancing act.

But you couldn’t just leave your friends hanging.

When you saw Meg’s aura flare out in distress as she was lowered onto the hook, you began making your way over, quick and quiet and praying to every god you knew that he would be long gone by the time you got there.

And, lucky you, there was no sight of him. So you crept towards the hook, privately taking solace that at least you weren’t alone in the goof factor; Meg was all dressed up like Wendy - the fast-food icon. The Entity really outdid herself, the braids were right on the nose, and you were almost loosey-goosey enough to make some stupid quip. Almost. Maybe when she wasn’t dangling from a meat hook.

You pulled her off the hook with care, but just as her feet touched the ground, another gunshot rang out, this time much louder. A spear whizzed by so close that you could hear it shear through the air just before it embedded itself in the post, inches away from you both. No sooner had you whipped your head around to find the source than the sound of shoes pounding against the ground filled your ringing ears.

You looked back and Meg was gone. Peeled off like a bandaid.

You decided you better get the hell out of Dodge too.

First things first, you needed to get out of the open; that was just asking to get shot. So you made a mad dash for the saloon. You figured you had a good head start since it should have taken him a hot minute to retrieve the harpoon, dislodge it from the hook, shove it back in the gun… Sounded like a whole ass process.

Except, when you looked back behind you he was hot on your tail. Trail. Hot on your trail.

You made a snap judgment, deciding you’d try and lose him by running up to the second story. Was it cheap? Absolutely. He obviously had some kind of bum leg, unless that brace was some kind of bold fashion statement. Not that it had ever slowed him down, any. But you were desperate. And all’s fair in love and war, right?

Swiftly turning the corner, you galloped up the stairs and dove into the first room you saw, hopping through the window.

By the time your eyes adjusted to the indoors and you realized it was a dead-end, it was too late. The only other exit was boarded up, and you could hear his boots unhurriedly thumping up the creaky steps like he was in no rush at all. Step. Step. You rushed to the boarded-up door and gave it a good open-palmed slam to test its strength - you’d seen killers smash through these like they were cardboard, but it just wouldn’t budge. Shit.

He was getting closer. You could hear his spurs. Hissing, you banged your fist against the boards in frustration. What, impending injury wasn’t bad enough? She had to add insult, too?

The footsteps stopped, and so did everything else, it felt like. Holding your breath, you slowly began to turn around. There he was in the window, backlit and silhouette, dusty sunlight filtering through his ghostly white hair. You had to admit, he cut a striking figure, something cinematic. There was just the trouble of the gun. Aimed right at you.

Didn’t have to climb over the window if he just reeled you to him. Smart man.

Before you could think to dive for cover or something smart like that, he began lowering the gun. It was hard to tell what expression he was wearing, backlit as he was, but you could feel those spectral eyes looking you up and down. From your cheap western style boot covers, all the way up your legs to your fluffy petticoat and layered skirts, the ill-fitted booze bandolier slung around your shoulder… and finally, the gold, plastic 5 point sheriff star nestled between your tits.

Oh God. Here it comes…

He didn’t even have to say a word, hot embarrassment already surging to the surface before he even opened his mouth.

“Well. Pardon me.” You could make out the glint of dirty teeth in the dark as his grin spread. “Didn’t know you were an elected official.”

Why the hell was he exempt from this bullshit, anyway? You’d seen Ghostface in a devil costume, and Myers in a cat ear headband, so you knew they weren’t immune. Maybe the Entity thought he looked stupid and campy enough as is. But… she couldn’t have dressed him up as Woody from Toy Story or something? He probably wouldn’t have gotten it, but you would have found it funny. Maybe then you wouldn’t have felt so small and humiliated.

You hated this. You didn’t even know what to say until he started climbing over the window. Then you had a pretty clear idea.

“Don’t come any closer,” you warned shakily, backing up against the boarded-up door as he stalked forward, every step radiating confidence.

“Or you’ll what?” He asked, leaning in. “Arrest me?” Playfully rattling the costume handcuffs on your belt, he set his gun against the door. You stared up at him, eyes wide as saucers, and he just snorted, curling a finger in your hair.

“Darlin’…” Tilting his head, his fingers traveled lower, slowly ghosting over your neck, your collarbone…. You inhaled sharply in frightened anticipation, goosebumps rising, only for him to skim over your chest entirely, plucking one of the mini bottles from your bandolier. “I would love…” Long, bony, but strangely elegant fingers unscrewed the cap, flicking it off where it clattered across the floor somewhere. “To see you try.”

And on that note, he finally tipped it back - you watched his adam’s apple bob as he swallowed it down. Shaking the empty bottle at you, he slipped it back into its holster on your belt. “Bit frivolous, you know.” He commented, curling his finger in and snapping it back. “A flask does just fine. No need to reinvent the wheel.”

“Right, well,” you huffed, and moved to squeeze past him - he was clearly in good humor, at least, so maybe he’d let you off easy. Wasn’t a little whiskey and a laugh good enough?

Apparently not.

You were immediately met with an arm shooting out, hand landing right beside your head, caging you in.

“Woah there, where d’ya think you’re going, sweetheart?” He smirked down at you, a crooked thing that flashed his teeth, scarred lip snagged over a canine. You’d never noticed before, but one of his incisors had a gold crown. Now that you’d noticed, you couldn’t stop looking at it, the alcohol still floating around in your bloodstream turning you into some sort of easily distracted magpie. He was missing one of his bottom teeth, too. It was… kind of a mess in there, huh? Smelled like whiskey and tobacco.

“You got me all the way up here, I’m not too keen on leaving already.” Sliding his hand from the door, he guided you away by the small of your waist, and you… you just kind of let him, stiltedly trying to follow his direction.

“So how about you…” You reached the bed and he grabbed you by your shoulders, turning you round to face him. “Just sit your pretty ass down.” Just a slight push and you were bouncing on the bedsprings, palms catching your fall.

In the back of your mind you were already fearing the worst, but much to your surprise he just sat down next to you on the edge of the mattress, looking almost comically large and out of place on the twin-size bed. All you could do was blink at him dumbly, unsure what was happening.

He took a long breath through his nose. It felt like forever before he finally released it and said, “Have a drink with me.”

“I…” You drew out the word dubiously, clearly meaning to decline. You were already too tipsy for comfort considering present company was a killer.

“Didn’t ask,” He said gruffly, pulling two bottles from your bandolier and offering you one. “Indulge an old man. Or we’ll do it the hard way.”

Hard to argue with that! You didn’t know what the hard way was, but you didn’t want to find out. So you took the bottle, lips pulling together in a tight, awkward half-smile when he clinked his against yours.

This was weird. Awkward, and in a whole different way than you’d been preparing yourself for.

You actually found yourself glad for the burn that flooded your body as you downed the shot, heat loosening your tense limbs and taking the edge off this… incredibly odd situation, if only slightly.

Besides the obvious threat, it felt like maybe, despite everything… he was really just a lonely old man. In want of someone to drink with. A slice of normality. Isn’t that what you all wanted? You guessed it couldn’t hurt. It was keeping him away from the generators, anyway. Buying you all some extra time.

And… maybe this was what the Entity wanted. The reason she brought you here like this.

“Now, miss,” He spoke, and you turned your gaze up to him, blinking owlishly, your head swimming. There was a lot to take in at this distance. All these different textures. Scars and stubble and pockmarks. You found it all fascinating. “I’ve got to be frank with you.”

You know, you hadn’t really heard him speak at length before, but you were starting to realize that his whole aesthetic, he didn’t really sound straight out of a spaghetti western like you might expect. There was a trace of that, especially in his vocabulary, but his accent was much more reminiscent of… Canada, somehow. With a slightly Irish lilt.

It was ludicrously unexpected, and something about it just made a dopey smile float onto your face. You didn’t even realize you were doing it, until his eyes drifted down, and he huffed with almost fond incredulity.

“Think that’s funny, huh?”

You’re almost positive you missed something he said. You heard it, you just didn’t… process it right. This time when he spoke, you tried to pay attention.

“I don’t usually go taking what ain’t mine, but damn if you don’t look like a present addressed just to me.”

It was your turn to huff, bobbing with amusement. “Okay, cowboy, I know what it looks like, but…” It wasn’t like you chose this outfit.

“Honey,” he interrupted, “I think you’ve mistaken me for the wrong kinda wrangler. It’s not cows I’m after.” He paused, tipping his head as if reconsidering, smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. “But if a heifer’s in need of a good driving…”

It took you a solid minute for your brain to catch up. He was content to watch the cogs turn until it did.

He just called you a cow!

A cow in need of a good dicking!

Your mouth hung open in shock and he - he just laughed.

“Little slow on the uptake, aren’t cha? Had a few already? How bout one more?” His hand began trailing up your leg, dirty fingers slowly dipping beneath your pure white petticoat.

Suddenly, one thing was very clear.

You had to get out of here.

Shaking your head, you tried to stand, but you were swiftly reeled back as soon as your feet hit the ground, pulled into a hard lap, all bones and brace and knobby knees and God knows what else.

“We’re gonna have one more,” his voice materialized right beside your ear, tone final as he pulled another mini from your belt. You shook your head, whimpering some protest between tightly closed lips as he pressed the bottle to your mouth. Behind you, you heard him sigh through his nose like a beleaguered bull. Then his other hand came round your face, pinching your nose shut.

You didn’t wait around for your lungs to give out. There wasn’t any point in that. You knew he wasn’t going to give in. But you did. Almost immediately. Your lips parted for air and got tequila instead, swallowing sloppily as you tried not to choke, rivulets of amber dripping down your chin while he murmured, “There you go… Nice and easy…”

His hand lowered to your throat to tip your head back, your world spinning as a wet sensation dragged across your chin, the man licking up the tequila in one broad and obscene lick. That rotten chuckle inundated your senses. “Awful cute when ya can’t even keep your eyes straight.” He tapped his fingers along the column of your throat, adding in afterthought. “Awful cute anyway, but I’m not really in the mood to fight just for a little company tonight. You gonna be good for me now, darling?”

“…Uh-huh.” You nearly sobbed out the sound, voice meek and pathetic. But you’d be lying if you weren’t starting to feel… sweaty under your skirts, inner thighs getting embarrassingly slick. That always happened when you were drunk, but never this bad.

And despite all the awfulness churning in your stomach, you still felt heat pool in your gut as he cooed, “Good girl. Not at dumb as you look, are you?”

You didn’t even realize he was actually expecting an answer until he probed again, “Are you?”

You quickly shook your head.

Humming, he seemed to accept that, because he was soon re-adjusting you on his lap and catching your lips with his in a messy kiss. He tasted strong and dry, your tongue prickling like your taste buds were trying to retract at the mere slide of his against yours; like salt on a slug. When his hand crept up your skirt this time, you didn’t try to stop him, even as his middle finger began tracing your sopping panties, dipping into the wet seam. You could scarcely think, devolved into a gooey pile of nerves and feelings that he was amusedly plucking at.

Peeling your panties aside, his fingers parted your folds, a pleased rumble emanating in his throat and vibrating in your mouth when his thumb brushed against your clit and your hips twitched in response.

You were gasping for breath by the time he finally pulled his mouth away, but he gave you no time to recover, already pressing two fingers past your resistance. In some attempt to ground yourself, you grasped at his arm as they began curling and pumping inside you, but your weak, drunk grip made it about as easy as catching clouds.

At some point, your barely-there vision drifted towards the window and you dimly realized you were facing it, completely exposed. That if anyone came up the stairs, they’d be able to see everything.

You’d just have to hope his heartbeat would be enough to keep them far away from the saloon. Eyes fluttering to the ceiling, you pushed the thought from your mind. It wasn’t hard. Not when the feeling in your stomach was reaching a fever pitch, nearing the point of no return.

In some ways, he was a lot gentler than you were expecting. Which was good, because you felt hopelessly vulnerable right now, helpless and disorientated in his lap, his looming over you making your mixed up brain feel protected even though some part of you knew that wasn’t right.

Everything felt numb except where he touched you; the heat of his breath on your neck, the kisses he pressed to your skin, the scrape of his beard, the brush of his long hair against your shoulder. All your wires were crossed, every little sensation going straight to your core.

Gasping out as your climax crashed over you, your hips lurched, thighs trying to snap closed around his hand. Unbothered, he just kept stroking you through it until your hips finally began to sink back down and your cunt stopped desperately trying to milk his fingers. Withdrawing slowly, he pressed them into your open mouth, the tang of your own juices spreading across your tongue. You didn’t know what it said about you that your blind instinct was to obediently suck, but that’s what you did, and he breathed out in a low, steady hiss.

“Careful, now. Fool me too good and I might have to keep you.”

Pulling away, he encouraged you to lay on the bed, settling between your legs. You watched the ceiling drift then snap back to place every time you blinked while he fiddled with something - you weren’t sure what until he was fixing your arms above your head and the apparently not-so-novelty handcuffs from your costume were being snapped around your wrists.

Then his hands were skating over you appreciatively, over your ribcage, the curvature of your waist almost reverently. “Guess the good Lord finally answered my prayers.” He murmured, flicking the plastic sheriff star between your bosom. “Not really how I woulda done it, but beggars can’t be choosers, eh? After all…” The man sighed, fingers curling into the top of your blouse and slowly dragging the gingham fabric down over your breasts until they were revealed to his eerie, quietly covetous eyes. “We don’t exactly have all the time in the world, do we?”

What was that even supposed to mean? It seemed to you as if you had nothing but time. Maybe not in this particular trial - and as if to punctuate that thought, you felt a generator kick to life, the familiar thrum of hope in your bones.

Did he know something you didn’t? Or were you just too foxed to follow?

Exhaling, he rolled his hands over your breasts, admiring the feel of them for just a moment. It seemed like he wanted to take his time with you, but the reminder that you were on a timer was the spur in his side that eventually pushed him to move on.

You heard him audibly fiddling with his belts and wondered if you were getting out of this alive. It was cold comfort, but at least you’d probably managed to save everyone else. Not very heroic when it wasn’t even really your decision. But it was something. Maybe. Something to cling to as you felt the heat of him slide across the mess he’d made of you.

Whimpering, you curled inwards from your core as he entered you, bound hands lifting up and both grasping at his chest at the feeling of being run through. By no means was it violent. It didn’t hurt, exactly. But it had been a long time, and he was unforgivingly long and solid and foreign. An intrusion on your body.

“That’s it. There you go, gorgeous. Hang onto me.”

You did, your hands abandoning his chest to loop over his neck, accidentally knocking the hat off his head in your bound fumbling. He didn’t seem to care, swooping down to take your lips again while you struggled to get used to the feeling of him moving inside you.

With how wet you already were, it didn’t take all that long before pleasure started to win out, every little bump and grind against your sweet spot pulling you closer to the edge again, his mouth muffling the pathetic stream of sounds trying to escape yours.

This time, the fall from the top was a slow one, liquid heat spilling out across your core - though you weren’t quite aware how literally until you felt it physically starting to pool beneath you, a wave of embarrassment flaring when you’d realized what just happened. Okay - you didn’t - that had never happened before, drunk or not.

Your hopes that he didn’t notice were dashed as he pulled away to chuckle heatedly in your ear. He wasn’t far behind though, laughter broken by a groan as his hips snapped against yours, burying himself deep as he could go. You felt the alien jerk of his cock inside you, radiating warmth.

Panting, he nuzzled at your neck as he came down, whiskers scratching at your skin. You felt… suspended in place, not sure what came next. But you guessed it wasn’t up to you. Hesitantly, you let your fingers slip into his sweaty white tresses, the texture thick and rough like the mane of a horse, dusty and… probably unwashed for God knows how long.

There was that awkward feeling again. Like you were two pieces of a puzzle that didn’t fit no matter how you turned them, but you weren’t allowed to leave.

Eventually, he took a deep, centering breath and withdrew from you, guiding your hands back to the bed and clicking open the safety release of the handcuffs, setting you free and letting them fall wherever on the floor.

Rubbing your wrists, you groaned in discomfort as he dragged his fingers through the mess, pushing his cum back inside you. No. You just wanted to be done.

But then he pulled your panties back into place. Pulled your shirt back up. Smoothed your skirts down.

His gaze lingered on you for a long moment before he heaved a big sigh and finally dismounted.

Pulling you up by your arm so that you were sitting up, he grabbed his hat from the bed, and you felt him plop it onto your head and adjust it.

“Suits ya.” He said softly, and it was the first thing he’d said in a while. Part of you was waiting for the other shoe to drop, not sure if he wanted a thank you, or…

He eyed you for another long moment, like there was something more he wanted to say, but… Instead, his gaze flicked down to the bandolier round your chest.

You swallowed hard as he plucked the last two bottles from your belt, the thought of taking another shot making your stomach churn and your gag reflex curl.

Patting your thigh, he bonelessly plopped himself in the nearby chair, rolling his eyes as you just stared at him. “Go on, get.” He snorted, uncapping one of the little bottles. “Don’t fall down the stairs on your way out.”

He was letting you go? Just like that?

You hesitated, something about this seemed… unfinished. You weren’t sure if you wanted to go.

But you didn’t want to wait around until he changed his mind, either.

So you uncertainly began heading towards the window, pausing when you remembered - “Your hat…” You reached for it, intending to give it back, but…

“Keep it, I don’t care.” That sounded unexpectedly crabby, and when you looked back, he wasn’t looking at you. He was staring at the wall, avoiding your gaze as he tipped back a shot. “Wear it if you want to see me again. Don’t if ya don’t. I can take a hint.”

You blinked, unable to believe he was sulking. Now. After everything.

Your fingers hovered over the brim of the hat. You needed to quash this now, while you still had the chance. Your conscience was screaming at you, leave it, don’t encourage him, don’t even give him hope.

Don’t bring it to the campfire. Don’t anything. Just… leave it on the windowsill, you told yourself. It shouldn’t have even required thought. Nothing about this was okay.

You didn’t even know his goddamn name.

And yet… You found your hand slowly lowering, falling back down to your side. You gave him one last, long look before grabbing the windowsill.

You could always decide later.

🖤  🖤 🖤

Thank you for reading!!!

🖤  🖤 🖤  

Notes:

Thank you Pugge for beta'ing most of this!

I do not know WHY this took me so long to write but I’m fairly happy with it. Sorta wasn’t the direction I originally had planned for this, but what can I say, I’m cursed. I got the Midas touch, except instead of gold, everything I touch turns to non-con.

This piece was written for Day 8 and 18 of the 🔞 Dead by Baelight 🔞 Discord server’s Kinktober. Anyone over 18 is welcome to join here.

[threeambiguouswords-blog]

Shadow Of The Colossus? More like Great Experience Of The Colossus Amirite?

What can I say about this game that hasn’t already been said? I’d bet not much if anything at all to be honest, but on the near to impossible chance that this is the first you’re hearing about this game and I have the pleasure informing you about it (or you’re just here for the mad bants) then strap in.

Kitted out in all the gear.

Quick semi-disclaimer, purely for the fact it's the version i've played most recently and it gives me more delicious cinema like screenies I'll be on the most part talking about the "hot off the press" remaster for ya boi the PS4 rather than the PS2 or the PS3 versions which I definitely own and have definitely 100% completed (Insecurities bleeding through). So then lets get kicking.

General Overview

Gen. Overview, we meet again for the first time. So then, you’ve just bought shadow of the colossus, you’ve remembered the past or heard the hype and decided to indulge and buy yourself a copy for the PS2,3 or 4. After the JapanStudios and Bluepoint logos break the emptiness of your screens you’re met with a stunning scene of a full moon caught amongst shadowed peaks and as it begins to dawn on you what caliber of game this will be and the choir kicks in and after following an eagle soar through this landscape the camera catches and follows out protagonist and his companion Wander and Agro.

So by now the cutscene has ended, 5 or 50 minutes of you sat stunned have past and you realise what you’re in for. You select new game on normal difficulty (because obviously you’re a good gamer but you’re not going to choose hard pfft this game could be crazy) and the game begins properly, for real. Even without knowing anything about this game, reading colossalpedia or reading any item descriptions at all it’s pretty easy to get the jist of what this games about. You’re bae has died and a big gender ambiguous hole in the roof tells you to kill 16 colossi and they’ll return the favour once you’re done, off you pop.

Controls

If you read, watch, listen to other reviews for this game you’ll find that over and over again that this game has terrible controls and that more often than not it’s the games one fault. I however, happen to disagree (oooooh EdGy alternative view), admittedly the original PS2 camera was a tad whacked up but it was a small price to pay for the sheer magnitude of such a game on that console, and even then they made up for it by giving you some wicked collectible postcards in the game box so it’s all cool. Even so, this problem was fixed with later remasters with more fluid camera controls and better graphics to turn “bad camera angles” into “cinegraphic shots”

Photographic proof I’m a hipster collector and can say I know what i’m talking about, even if I don’t.

I’m going to avoid talking about the colossi at the moment as much as I can since i’m going to discuss them later and make this even longer than it’s already going to be so for the remainder of this section i’ll say some stuff about mechanics, scenery and maybe throw some of the bonus stuff in. I don’t know i’ll decide when i get to it.

Gameplay

Once you’ve finished meeting Dormin (The holy hole) and you’ve hopped on Agro you hold up your sacred sword which helps you find where your next victim and you follow it as closely as you can tackling puzzling environments and the most agoraphobic world you’ll ever encounter between your location and your destination. (If only I had that sword I might be able to find where this reviews actually heading). Once you reach your destination and before the cutscene your next epic clash it’s easy to see that each area is specifically designed for how you’re meant to tackle this foe, whether its an open area made to emphasise your battle partner or an enclosed field with brittle spires to take advantage of, every part has been meticulously crafted to make the encounter easier without taking away the incredible feeling of defeating these giants on your own.

Big mommas house.

I’m running out of words for epic and colossus so i’m going to smoothly transition over to mechanics now. Each fight at its core is the same, you have to find a way onto the colossus, hold on, find the weak spot and stab it till it dies, using two main mechanics of Holding/Climbing and Stabbing. Seeing how theres 16 Colossi in this game (A mere glimpse of the planned 48) it would make sense to think that this would get repetative. However, each colossi is so different from the last with only a few showing similarities (ahem the minotaur bros) and this partnered with utilizing the environment, the horse, or the bow in different ways for each and sometimes not at all makes each battle a brand new experience in of itself. Which is great considering you have to play this game at least 4 times to be able to say you’ve completed it, which in a way is like fighting the original 48 planned colossi.

After you’ve completed your first run, experienced the twist ending and had your adaption back into our reality you get to play through it all over again but this time in the aptly named “Hard mode” which is essentially the same except some of the colossi have more weak points, you do less damage but take more and the colossi try to shake you off more and oooooh do some of them try to shake you off. There is no real reward for completing Hard mode except being able to say you’ve done so and no one likes that type of guy (I’ve completed hard mode). With Hard mode out the way you’ve experienced the twist a second time and while the magic of the game never leaves the initial oomph does fade and it’s at this point the time trials come in. From here on it becomes less of an experience and more of a game.

To begin time attack you have to pray at the shrine of the colossus you wish to challenge (which probably has a meaning but this isn’t game theory with mousemat so i’m not going to figure it out). Depending on the difficulty the time you have to defeat it changes but aside from that it’s the same as the previous fights but without the travelling and time pressure is thrust upon you. The best part about the Time attack mode is that for every two colossi you defeat you get a dandy new thing to play with ranging from a harpoon to the worst parachute ever, to save this being any longer than it needs to be i’m going to refrain from listing them all but trust me, they’re alright.

The Colossi

Now ladies and gentlemen the moment i’ve been waiting for, I get to spend an hour writing about each colossus individually hopefully saving whatever respectability there is in this sub-par review. So in no particular order, aside from the order they come in in the game, the Colossi: #1 Valus [Minotaur A]

I’m horny and he’s scared.

I’m going to keep these short so don’t worry, not long left. Valus the shortest of the 4 bipedal colossi and the first of the minotaur bros, valus is an excellent tutorial, not the smallest to take away from the sense of scale but not the biggest allowing for more oompah later on in the game he is an excellent introduction to the game. The platforms on his back have often been criticized but if they weren’t there then where would his pet birds rest. Good/10

#2 Quadratus [The Mammoth]

Only half as horny as I.

Coming in at number two on a list in chronological order is Quadratus, still seen as a tutorial colossus he is the first colossus where Agro and your bow can be incorporated easily. To new players without a walkthrough the only real challenge is getting onto him as his leg hairs aren’t easily accessible but once thats out the way you can prepare for another epic feeling riding this beast for its final moments. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)/10

#3 Gaius [The Knight]

Duck me.

Strolling by at the tallest of the bipedal colossi its general consensus that Gaius is where the game begins, his battle includes a puzzle, he is a challenge in himself to scale and he has more than one vital spot. His arena gives impressions of being custom built for a champion like him as it’s a flat platform raised above a lake, with little background scenery sans the temple on the horizon accentuating how lanky this challenge is.It’s no mystery why gaius is plastered all over the promotions for this game. 9/10

#4 Phaedra [Kirin]

A stallion, Baby! I can whinny! I can Count!

Phaedra? More like puzzle because holy moly this one took a while to figure out, another where jumping aboard isn’t just an option you have to use the environment and then hop on its banging dreads and once you’re on its head you better hold on because larger Agro bangs his head like he’s bopping along to the games own soundtrack. This is the last colossus at the moment with its weak point on it’s head and things really change up in the next battle. I’m Trotting/10

#5 Avion [-]

I died getting this shot.

The story hasn’t started developing yet and you’re beginning to feel a slight lull at this point, you get the jist, there’s big things you got to kill. So far they’ve all been roughly the same size, had the same pattern and been one of two designs. Enter Avion and you had best jump when he enters or you’ve got no chance at catching this speedy boi, this battle brings back the original feeling of grandeur and sprinkles new flavours of epic over the top. The feeling of flying is portrayed so well here with the wind rush graphics and the resistance you can feel the resistance in the controls. Also as you can see this one’s got a helmet so you’ve got to find those weak points elsewhere. 9/10

#6 Barba [Minotaur B]

Prick

The second of the minotaur bros and by far the worst, I could have done without this guy. After solving the easiest “puzzle” ever you just think back to your training with Valus but instead of go up his back... go up his front! On his big dumb beard. Remember how I said phaedra bangs his head? That’s a spirit level compared to how much this guy shakes and everytime he shakes you have to charge up your blade all over again. If it wasn’t for a slight exploit where you can cancel his shaking animation if you time the stabs right I could have broken my first controller over this spice. -0/10

#7 Hydrus [The Eel]

I wouldn’t swim through that warm bit if I were you.

Another innovative and creative battle? Surely not. Well yes, yes indeed, a slippy boi this time and one of my top three, I love this battle. Often ridiculed for having bad AI or tough combat people ridicule this snake for not coming up to the surface, well i’ve got as word describing people like that bad at games all you have to do is imagine his line of sight and splish around in it and he comes up, you grab on and either tackle the electrode spines or avoid them entirely. Not the only subterranean colossus but the only water one unfortunately. ~~/10

#8 Kuromori [The Gecko]

Not the most annoying mouth cannon i’ve seen.

So far the most Aggro colossus we’ve met and on of the better puzzle ones, it doesn’t get so caught up in being a puzzle it stops being a fight. This colossus is one of the colossi who know you’re coming for their life and he’s not going to let you just take it. Unfortunately once you’ve cracked his puzzle he’s a cakewalk on later repeats but the first time he was the first I considered to be an opponent. Appreciative Head Nod/10

#9 Basaran [The Turtle]

The most annoying mouth cannon i’ve seen.

Here we go, the only other of these creatures I despise, the other being Minotaur Beard. The trick to this one is surgical precision and digitally accurate timing, if you don’t have that then good luck. This monstrosity needs tipping over (Because his developer names turtle *fake laugh*) and the only way to do that is to get him standing over one of the nearby geisers when it goes off, then you shoot his legs out and climb up him when he’s flipped. After the trial and effort it takes after all that you’re met with another run up it’s back and stab its head scenario exactly like quadratus. Also did I mention if you’re not at the exact right range he will spam the hell out of that cannon attack, I did not feel bad killing this one. Fuck you/10

#10 Dirge [Naga]

It took 15 mins and this was the best shot

Similar to his sibling from another parent dirge is the second subterranean colossi and definitely the less chill of the two, you still want to ride this one and stab his back but you don’t have to worry about splishing to get his attention this time. He wants you. One of the better puzzles of the game but not entirely obvious at first you have to get this one to crash into a wall and take the opportunity then to get on his back and land the killing blows. Quite an average experience to be honest lots of people place him at the bottom or the tops of their lists but I feel once you’ve got the trick down he’s a big pushover. Onix/10

#11 Celosia [The Lion]

You mess with the bull, you get the horn.

You find the sunken city, you continue on alone as Agro can’t handle stairs and you enter a temple with flames licking the was. Destroyed pillars? A roof? Before you can begin picturing the type of colossus you will fight an overweight cow with anger issues jumps down from the roof and you have to abuse its psychological fear of fir to break its armour and take advantage of the bare flesh. With it being further in the game it’s another colossus that feels like more of a puzzle than a duel but even so, overpowering a creature closer to your size is just as satisfying as a walking obelisque 50 times your size. 2 Horns/10

#12 Pelagia [Poseidon]

About as large as a blade of grass.

Swimming takes a while in this game. It’s not bad or hard to control, it’s just slow. and this battle has the most need for thought out swimming. Avion was just a swim to the start and Hydrus was just a splish and ride, but Pelagia moves while you swim which takes slight angling. When you get on his rear nub and worm up his back to his head you’re met with a crown of teeth rather than a weak point and with this you get to drive a colossus *play revived power*. It’s the inclusion of the steering your new whip and the incorporation of towers to access the colossus that make this fight original and shows you that the developers still had new ideas this close to the end. 7/10

#13 Phalanx [The Snake]

Game of the year 2005

Here we are, the star of the show. The fan favourite and it’s no question as to why, after a few experimental colossi that required thinking and plans this battle brings it back to the roots. There’s a big thing, you’re hopelessly insignificant, it’s completely innocent and you’ve got to kill it. The only one in which I had to take a screenie of the cutscene as it is too huge to fit in one shot during gameplay. Surely a colossus in every sense of the word and one where the magic never fades. 11/5

#14 Celosia Cenobia [Cerberus]

Mess with the Boar? You get the tusks?

From reading other reviews i’ve found that ceonbia is often cited as the worse of the two diddy colossi saying that Cenobia was a retexture of Celosia in a convoluted puzzle. I disagree though I think this is only because Celosia came first, Cenobia is the more aggressive of the two as it doesn’t have an apparent fear and it’s puzzle is way easier to figure just from looks. My only gripe is that the time to charge its charge is the exact amount of time it takes to get back up from a knock down so if you go down then you might as well move out because you’re done. CtrlV/10

#15 Argus [Minotaur C]

I’m so tired

The third and final minotaur bro and the biggest of the three, Argus. By now you kind of get the jist with these guys you have to get on their head and stab it with maybe another point on his chest, arm or even hand?? Once again often bashed for being another copy especially at the penultimate spot but I think it’s location, this guys cool as hell. Plus he’s the only one with black hair. C/10 #16 Malus [Evis]

He’s just too big for one shot

Finally, the big boss. This is a great boss fight, it doesn’t take away from the grandeur of the previous bosses but he has a whole sense of scale not seen in any other battle yet, and half the battle is just getting to him never mind on him. Also holy moly is he aggressive from as soon as you get up the initial ramp just to see him he’s firing lightnin out of his hands and waving his kilt like a nutjob. He fits perfectly on the difficulty curve of the game and is an incredible end to an incredible game. 16/48

Final Say

That’s all i’ve got to say really, it took me about 5 hours to write this and if that dedication to this game doesn’t convince you to play it then... fair enough it’s not really much of a reason to play it. Although you definitely should, it’s an alright game.

[ardeybarnes]

art dump, and mlgrm parodies + my finn toon handler design , i wonder what his relationship with finn is like ! (:dawg:)

[ardeybarnes]

projects them into ur head

[ardeybarnes]