#Had a killer migraine today with college work to top it ;-;

[looplilou]

Yay

Pomni's eyes dilate like a cat :)))

[girl-with-the-butterfly-tat-blog]

Jan. 4, 2017

I think that maybe I should start journaling.  Really, I should have started doing this a long time ago, but I figured the new year would be a good time to start so last night I finally went and bought a cute new journal, and here I am.  I would have written last night, but I had a killer migraine and it hurt too much to keep my eyes open.

Anyway, 2016 was, to put it simply, difficult, and I’m really hoping that journaling will finally help me sort through everything that happened so that I can heal.  Last year, I went to Disney World, lost the love of my life, graduated high school, moved like 400 miles away from home, started college, got my first real job, lost my cat, and successfully completed my first semester of college.  I hit a TON of important milestones, and not all of them were good.  On top of that, I went through something like 8 boys, and if that doesn’t indicate I’m in a bad place, I don’t know what would.

My biggest problem, I think, was losing James.  I didn’t see it coming, and I never got an explanation.  How am I supposed to heal when I still don’t even know what happened? I think everyone else is sick of hearing me talk about James, because it’s been like 10 months so I really should be over it by now.  I know that I should be over it by now. But I’m not.  It’s not even that I miss him or that I want him back.  It’s just that I’m confused and hurt and I don’t know what I can do to change that.

I’ve always had problems with healing or fixing thins.  The thing is, I know what my problems are.  I know what is causing me pain nd often what is getting in the way of me getting better  What I struggle with is moving around those obstacles.  A part of me wants to get better, but the other part is comfortable in my misery that it’s okay with staying here.  You can guess which part is winning right now.

On a more positive note, my book is coming along nicely.  I’m hoping to finish Chapter 9 today.  Adam is working on some cover art for me, and so far I really love what he’s doing.  I’ve even begun looking into self-publishing on Amazon, and I think it might be the route I take.