#HOOK WEED GUMMIES FDGDFHJL

[spacegatito]

SCREAMING OMG THIS IS AMAZING

(For @spacegatito 💚)

The music is loud. In hindsight, Bowens probably shouldn't have put Max in charge of it, but he thought it was a nice gesture given how bummed Max has been recently about things. MxM, the fights he keeps getting into on Twitter... anyway, he's regretting it now, but he can't say anything because Max has already spent the last twenty minutes glaring daggers at Colten Gunn.

Maybe this theme was a bad idea. Also, hindsight. It's really not Bowens's fault that Colten took the theme of "dress as something you love" to create a giant fake Tweet of Tony Khan saying that "Max Caster is a talentless hack and sucks" out of cardboard. It's really unfortunate, because the sheer amount of work that went into it is impressive, but Bowens has had to glare a lot and pretend it's all horrible. (Colten can't even fit through half the doorways, it's so wide.)

The doorbell rings. Bowens only hears it because he's parked next to it; otherwise, the raps are too overpowering. When he swings the door open with a cheery "Happy Hallo...!," he loses all his joy midway through. "What the fuck?"

"What?" Darby asks. "You sent an invite."

"I sent an invite that you CLEARLY didn't take seriously," Bowens groans, because what the fuck. Specific instructions. He'd said dress as something you love, because the roster is on fire lately and they all need something positive, and here's Darby on the doorstep dressed in a grey shirt, black jacket, and a Scapegoat armband. "You know, this isn't funny."

Darby frowns at him. "Wasn't supposed to be. I'm starving, you got food in there?"

"Can't you just try to go along with things once in your life?"

"Dude, what the fuck," Darby says. "Get off my dick, I did what you asked. Now let me in, cause you're being an asshole."

Bowens can't really tell him to go, so he lets Darby past, but like, what the hell. He'd asked for one thing. One thing! Honestly, a fight is gonna break out, and it's not gonna be his fault. He sits back down on his stool while Max continues to toss tootsie rolls at Colten, which keep bouncing off the painted cardboard. God dammit, that costume is funny.

The doorbell rings again, and when Bowens opens the door the second time, he's met with... pink. Fuzzy pink.

"What?" Bowens exhales, aghast. "Did...?"

Jack stares at him, a challenge. Oh my god, he's got the greasepaint on and everything. "What?"

"Why are you...?"

Jack frowns. "You sent a theme. I did the theme."

Is this an elaborate prank of some sort? Bowens has to be hallucinating. Did Hook switch out the Haribo bears with weed gummies? "The... the theme was..."

"Yeah, open up, man. He's in there, isn't he? He didn't even wait for me, which is so fucking typical."

Bowens opens the door, but only because his brain is spinning like a hamster on a wheel. Jack breezes past him, spies Max on the turn table, and yells, "Goth phase!" which immediately draws a delighted crow out of Max and a change in the music.

Bowens stays there for a minute, trying to sort things out. He's still there when Daddy Ass comes by, and asks, "Hey, did you notice that Jack and Darby are dressed as each other? Did you not send them the theme? It's like they thought they were supposed to be scary or something."

"No," Bowens says. "No, I sent them the theme!"

They both go silent for a minute.

"No," Bowens says again.

"No way," Daddy Ass agrees, but it's a little dubious.

The two in question have found each other in the living room, and are sort of arguing with each other, gestures back and forth. So that's all very normal and expected, even if they are weirdly dressed as each other and Bowens is just about to write the whole thing off when Darby abruptly laughs, grabs Jack’s face, and plants a kiss right on his mouth. A ridiculously sloppy kiss with gusto that Jack does not immediately punch him for.

Oh, god.

"Huh," Daddy Ass says, brow furrowed. "I did not see that coming."

"Well, you know what I DO see coming?" Bowens points. "Max attempting to strangle one of your sons with the mic cord. We gotta go stop this. Worry about weird roster relationships AFTER we prevent murder."