#HOLY SHIT THATS ALOT.

[thesimulacrasimp]

Okay so im gonna just throw randomly my thoughts on sm6 while rewatching it cuz why not, I was doing the same thing for hazbin hotel so why not spooky month too?

So yeah, SPOOKY MONTH 6 SPOILERS WARNING‼️

Ok im just gonna say: that starting scene with thieves was kinda funny. Also rewatching it, im starting to suspect that this giant spider thing in Lilas attic have her husbands soul, IDK WHY, I JUST FEEL LIKE IT, it just looks so important, it even appeared twice in the ep: in the begining n in the end.

Also ARE WE JUST GONNA IGNORE HOW JAUNE CALLED LILA "HOT STUFF"??? WHILE HAVING A HUSBAND?????? A HUSBAND THAT SITTING NEARBY HER WHEN SHE SAYING THAT???????? ARE THEY IN A POLY RELATIONSHIPS HOLY FUCKING SHIT????????????? IM EVEN MORE INTRIGED NOW

Okay so Skid does know and remember his dad, I just was thinking that his father left/died when Skid still wasnt born or when he was very little so Skid doesnt even know that he had a father, but no he does remember his dad, so that means he presented for quite long time in Skids life.

Also im really suprised how big Pumps house is, well i mean— he said that his parents work alot so ig i shouldnt be suprised-

Poor Ignacio just wants some peace– *watched the ep a lil longer* Oh hes kinda fucked up actually---

Also for some reason i find kinda interesting that Ross n Rob were kinda comforting Roy every time they were on the screen like "We're here for you, Roy" etc etc, so im thinking maybe something bad happened to Roy? I mean he looked kinda frustrated n angry, so maybe somethng between him n his parents?

Okay but can we talk about how Moloch look so much more scarier than before?

Okay so--- get ready for my rambleling bout my boy Dexter-- HE LIVED WITH HIS MOM N ALOT OF CATS😭😭😭 N HIS MOMS PURE GRIEF BOUT HER LOSS WAS GENIUNALY SO SAD TO WITNESS 😭😭😭😭

Okay so looking at Skids impression when Father Gregor asked him bout his father-- yeah i think his dad actually died---- but i can be wrong ofc

Okay- im sorry but-- why does Kevin n Radfords interactions make them look like a couple--- I AM SORRY BUT----

Also the way Father Gregor gave Kevin holy water was really funny to me, it was like: "You know these children?? Yeaahhhh i feel bad for u, kid. Here have some holy water, just in case...." ALSO the fact that ppl started coming in the store ONLY after Radford sprinkled holy water in it-- DOES THAT MEAN THAT THERE WERE DEMONS IN IT THAT WERE KEEPING PPL AWAY???

Dont mind me guys, im just a little crying :')

Okay but the way how Skid n Pump were SO exited to see Moloch again was really funny n cute at the same time

Okay... This is the part when i literally teared up. I know it was just Moloch trying to fool Father Gregor to give him kids but idk.... It still made me tear up for some reason, and i even know the reason: i just miss Dexter so much n i didnt expect him to appear so much times in this ep, I just think hes a precious boy who deserved better. I KNOW THAT HE WAS KILLING ANIMALS N I DONT APPROVE THAT AT ALL, but hes still a sweetie idfc.

Also why would Patty need a gun so immediatly?..

Also that part when Moloch were wandering around the town n Father n spooky bois were trying to catch him was so funny and entertaining

Poor Pelo got ooffed again. Press F.

AND OMG THIS PART WHEN MOLOCH POSSESED SKID N PUMPS BODIES AND THE FATHER EXORCISMS THEM WAS SOOOO COOL, I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY, I THINK I JUST HAVE A THING FOR DEMONS N EXORCISM.

And this is the part where i actually cried alot. Poor Skid doesnt know that its not his fault at all.. Also even if Father Gregors words were kinda mean, that Lila is irresponsible mother, I cant disagree with them. Yes, she is an alone mother, but it doesnt give her permission to just leave her child to himself n his friend n go drink n then spent time w her child drunk. Yeah i know, that she leaves him to mr Wonder n Susie, but lets be honest, were here even a single time when the kids didnt just leave the house n cause problem? No. So i think the Fathers words are make perfect sense, n Lila should think bout it. Also a lil thing i just thought bout, why would Lila throw away her husbands stuff? If he actually died why would she do this? Or hes not dead n he just left for some reason? Idk

Also OMFG THAT OOGA BOOGA JUMPSCARE GOT ME SO FUCKING GOOD, I WASNT READY FOR AT ALL

and so ummm i think thats it. It took me 1 hour to write this lol.

[serial-designation-vee]

what are your thoughts on different ships with V? Like, dynamics?

// Ohh this'll be fun to type!! //

eNVy - N is easily flustered by V and she thinks its funny

VUzi - Uzi gets startled and flustered by V's affection and tries her best to fluster her back (it works most of the time)

OilRose - They both get flustered and can fluster each other, I think me and SD-Jey have shown this quite a bit

Voll - Doll is good at flustering V and just, disappearing is what I think

PinkLemonade/Vizzy - Lizzy isn't even effected (on an outside look) by V's flirting and can somehow fluster her without even trying

// Anyways, i'm a silly and I think about them too much :D //

[reginaldubel]

ol men

[themadxd127]

when I omor.

[dr-ground-zero]

YA"LL SINCE WHEN DID I HAVE 702 followers HOLY SHIT, thank ya'll so fucking much ^-^

[justis4toby]

is it just me, or is it a common occurrence for slow burn writers to regret making it a slow burn ?! Like, i dont wanna do anymkre plot and character development !! I don't wanna make my characters be friends !! I want them to KISS !! and NOW !!!!!!

[thetimelordbatgirl]

Look, I understand WHY RTD turned down a Cyberman story and even the idea of Daleks in Sarah Jane Adventures, but that don't mean I can't be upset we didn't get to see those adventures.

[pranksteranon]

who are ur fave avm artists?

Sorry for the pings you beautiful people.

(Most fav to least fav)

@tulipsempai

@lingye

@mitchmittens

@nzn43

@sammy8d257 @zenasans @illateyouricecreamlastnight

@lara-prisma-avm-ask-blog

@occatorcreator

@gaya-1026 @guesspls

@dark-cynder49

@haisaree

@flairya

@moonlarky

@mary-games-and-arts

@endlesspaint

@moonfil

[the-carnival-rabbit]

Hey the rabbitoid said ti give you this *hands over blunt*

*Jax took the blunt and smoked it alongside the weed that was now added to the dried flower fire...his eyes growing hazy and a honking sound starting to escape from him as a result alongside occasional little snorts and giggles*

[ventcode]

[m0th-rambles]

Drew (like actually drawing not like “drew” to take from) comparisons of Moth from when I first drew them to how I would draw them now n i got lowk emotional. Theyre my baby ;;

[bunbunlovestowrite]

How the Hashira men react to your neighbor asking you to be quiet

Characters: Tengen, Sanemi, Rengoku, Obanai, Gyomei, Giyuu,

Additional shit: Swearing, Sanemi fighting said neighbor, Rengoku being blunt, mentions of sex, ooc mot likely :p

Tengen

He couldn't care less

His whole thing is being flashy and loud so he wants you to be loud

Like it's not his fault that dick is magical

After he shoos your neighbor away he makes sure to be as loud as possible that night

He's pounding into your cunt and you swear your gonna break when he whispers "okay now scream exactly how big my dick is. Don't forget the tip color-"

He gets cut off by you hitting him with the pillow

Way to ruin the mood

But that doesn't stop him and instead he goes harder, making sure the bed creaks loud ASF for your neighbor

"Not my fault he doesn't know how to please a woman." Is his main reason for doing so

He really wants you to scream his name so it's imbedded in your neighbors head

"Morning N/N!" Him to your neighbor from the balcony while your trying to get out of bed and failing

"Actually die." Both you and your neighbor to Tengen

Sanemi

Cares alot

Why the fuck is that limp dick biscuit talking to you and him? Who does he think he is?

You were the one who broke the news to him thankfully cause if Sanemi was the one who opened the door then you'd have to see your husband through glass in a prison

Just kidding. The Slayer corp would get him out of trouble if he didn't do it himself.

Anyways

Sanemi made it his goal to piss your neighbor off as much as possible

Your under him, practically creaming on his cock, and he's slamming the wall yelling "This loud enough yet?! Huh!?"

Not kidding I can see him doing that

He quite literally had you against a window where your neighbors could see him destroying you just to make them mad or uncomfortable, hopefully both.

But then he'd get pissed someone else would see you all naked and fucked out so he settled for the wall next to the window

One day your neighbor, finally having enough, bangs on your door yelling and guess who opens it...Sanemi!!

Good Lord was he waiting for this

It took one punch and the guy was out

Kinda what happens when you put a normal dude against a guy who kills demons for a living

Rengoku

He's a good neutral between caring and not caring

Like he doesn't wanna make your neighbors mad but he also loves hearing your screams

So he tries to keep you quiet during sex but fails since he gets to into it to give a fuck

The next days his loud ass voice wakes you up

"IM SORRY FOR MAKING INCREDIBLE LOVE TO MY WIFE!" He's not being sarcastic thats his genuine apology

Your facepalming and you want to die when you see your neighbor and she can't look at you

"PERHAPS SHES MAD BECAUSE HER HUSBAND CANNOT PLEASE HER!" Rengoku says casually and you know she can hear you from outside in her garden

"Inside voices!" You place your hands over his mouth to try and shut him up.

It works for a bit before he's yelling again

You love your husband but holy shit you wish he would speak normally sometimes

He's actually quiet in bed though

So your the problem (real)

Obanai

I'm not an Obanai fan so forgive me for how bad his section will be

Obanai is a quiet mf, and you're not even that loud

It's your neighbor who was the problem

A little old man whose hearing aids apparently had the power of 67 suns

You and Obanai found this out when he was outside training and your neighbor came over

He was so sweet and polite and even chuckled at Obanai's redness

Obanai cared at first but got over it

You? You make sure to not make a PEEP in bed

Okay that pisses Obanai off but he understands your reasons

At least make a gasp or sum cause he's over here like "Wait does this feel good? Can she feel it? Did I forget where the clit is?"

Brother is STRESSING

Then you cum and he's like "ah"

Then he's like "Did you take it?"

You have to keep yourself from murdering him cause how tf would you fake squirting

Gyomei

Babe I'm not gonna lie, you're a screamer

Gyomei is built like a house and your telling me your just gonna whine and whimper?

NO

Your over here crying and screaming into his chest, neck, the pillow, anything.

And Gyomei loves it!

He can't see your reactions so hearing and feeling them let's him know he's doing good

Gyomei isn't loud but he's not quiet

He'll grunt and moan and praise you, but he's not gonna cry out.

Well he'll cry but you can never tell from what

When the pussy so good you start crying 😭🙏

When your neighbor politely asked you to be a tad bit quieter Gyomei actually laughed

Not in a 'nah we'll keep being loud' way but more of a 'sorry we'll be quiet' way. He also found it hilarious how you actually died of embarrassment.

Don't worry he thinks its endearing

Yet it was kinda hard for him since he enjoyed hearing you

But your touches and now quieter moans made that better

And then there's also you literally drawing blood from his back you were scratching so hard

Giyuu

Holy shit you have never seen him so embarrassed

Like you could shade match his Haori to him and get the exact same color

He was the one your neighbor told and he stopped working when 'loud' and 'moaning' left their lips

If a demon doesn't kill him then his own actions will

Giyuu isn't loud, and he loves that he can make you feel so good that your loud for him.

But he didn't want your neighbor back over at your house so he tried to keep you quiet

You were super confused when he held his hand over your mouth in bed and he just pointed to your neighbors house. Then you got it.

So you nod and try to keep quiet.

You know in school when the teacher tells you and a friend to shut up but they look at you funny and you break?

Yeah that was you

You were riding Giyuu one night and you were loud so he was like "holy shit I love you but please- I can't look our neighbor in the eyes anymore."

And you couldn't help but laugh

Like howling

You calmed down obviously but sex was very giggle filled after that

You've never seen Giyuu so panicked

But give him a week and he'll stop caring

[blbllblblblll]

HOLY SH-

@soctherapy i did som more two-bit for you :)))

[sweeneydino]

Already on episode 8.

They really said trauma in flavor text.

Warning for Spoilers below

Can't wait for all the screenshots soon 😤

Interesting how their blood is mutagen or atleast can mutate those that ingest it. I guess Mikey now has a son.... pigeon pete-

Love how leatherhead immediately adopted him.

Ough the self deprecating from each turtle and their different perspectives on what happened is perfect. Leo being nothing without his brothers, Raph wanting to be stronger to protect them, Donnie believing hes just the tech guy and Mikey feeling out of place. I can already see the potential for first.

And this bishop... she's a bishop alright, or well, similar to 03 bishop in wanting to eliminate all mutants, a "human threat" while also ending up endangering humans in their attempts. Same motives for different reasons. Mutants(or really a mutant) destroyed what she loved, something for her sister who I'm not sure is dead or she just really loves her.

One thing I must thank my turtle posters for is so far no 2012apriltello/caseytello/capriltello or whatever love story equivalent with the leopril. It's so refreshing and actually is very cute. Leo still has a crush it's just not blasted into your eyes, and I couldn't be more happy.

They included alot of possibly forgotten characters(I say possibly because some haven't watch the older versions, and thats okay), there is Angel who reminds me alot of Kendra, Hun appears again as a possible bro to Raph, ofc pigeon pete Michelangelo's son(I will not explain) and you already heard of bishop. There's probably more but I'm only half way in and I took a break to get some food.

If you can, you should watch it, it's very fun and silly, also, possible angst. The music is great, and the art and animation are fan-fucking-tastic like, holy shit, but that's to be expected (if you plan to watch it, read tags plz)

Overall I give 10/10, would give hun a chicken

Oh, and there's Rod, I guess.

Edit: Omfg is Splinter the Rat King?

Edit 2: Yes... yes he is.

I should've mentioned it before, but I love how we are getting to see the turtles interacting with their cousins and other... family members(scumbug ajshshjs). I also live how rockstrady and bebop are THOSE cousins. Always getting into trouble, making stuff worse but you can't help but love em

[papaya-twinks]

ok so what abt a lando one where there’s an age gap and he’s always been obsessed with her and like stalkers her, does research on the guys she brings home and goes out with basically totally dark stalker vibes. But the thing is she knows she has a stalker but no idea who it is bc whenever he confronts her he is wearing his racing helmet, and they always do even more each time they meet, liek first time they met he just caressed her but then like the 3rd time fingers her and 4th fucks her. THEN SOMEWEAR IN IT PLSSS. Lando has a sex tape of them and jerks off to it and thinks ‘fuck I can’t do this anymore’ kidnaps her and now she’s kinda like his toy but sugar daddy vibes bc he treats her well. And this is all consensual bc the reader wants an adventure as her ex bf was so vanilla ( which lando knows allll abt and explains in detail to her what she used to do with him) THATS ALOT IM SRRY U DONT HAVE TO DO IT

Warnings: Five year age gap (sorry, large age gaps make me squeamish), stalker, dark fic, 18+ kidnapping, sex, smut, 18+, consensual, sex tape, fingering, abusive partner (not Lando), sugar daddy, swearing

Pairing: Lando Norris x fem!reader

A/N - I’m adding some biker!lando into this coz his F1 helmet is just cutsies but a black biker one? dark dark shit right there.

Lando had met you at an F1 race, where you’d been in the garage. Something about how darn innocent you looked with your pretty little dress, all young and…wow. And with the help of Oscar (who simply thought his teammate just had an interest in some girl), he found out about you.

Y/N Y/L/N. You were 19 years old, your favourite colour was pink, you were cute and innocent and sweet, and you loved bows and ribbons. How adorable. And so it began, Lando followed you on a burner account, and watched all your stories, pinpointing your exact location to be in Monaco.

Oh how perfect, you were in the same country as him and, conveniently, he had the whole summer break to play around with the information.

y/n

caption: spending this day alone but with a great cafe to make up for it :)

friend3: oooo, have fun 💗💗💗

-> y/n: will do, thank you x

friend2: looking chic, y/n!

friend1: enjoy yourself and try the chocolate cake 👀

user1: café can’t be as gorgeous as you are 😉

-> y/n: oh, thank you?

You had just brushed off whoever ‘user1’ was, not really paying much mind to unusual flirty message, and continued with your day at the cafe. However, you couldn’t shake the slightly unsettling feeling that you were being watched.

You’d seen this happen in movies, and you couldn’t deny that the slight tingle of adrenaline coursing through your body wasn’t enjoyable. And so you looked behind you, from your cake and your phone, your eyes locking with someone else’s.

Well, more you found yourself staring back at a helmet. A plain, slick black helmet, the person wearing it adorned in a leather black jacket and light blue jeans. You couldn’t see any features to help show you who it was, but it was kind of…interesting.

Did you confront the person? No, you’d seem desperate or stupid. So you went back to your food, and never once did it cross your mind that perhaps, user1 was your stalker. But you didn’t see the stalker anymore. And you were a little disappointed they’d moved on so quickly, but you too moved on, going on your dates, looking for love, as girls your age did.

“Jason? What the fuck?” Lando said, eyeing the new name at the bottom of your followers. He’d skimmed through them, making a note of each and every person on your Instagram list, but seeing a guy? He couldn’t deny the feeling of annoyance in his stomach.

And thankfully, he’d made note of the guy’s instagram enough to see where the date would take place. Foolish, foolish move. And once again, you were sitting at a chair opposite this man, Jason, when your eyes fell on the same, sleek black helmet once more. Holy shit. And quicker than it had come, it was gone. For fucks’ sake.

*1 month later*

You and Jason were dating now, and to say he was toxic was an understatement. “Jason, I’m just gonna go out with my friends,” you said, picking up your purse as he scowled from the sofa, still in his sleeping clothes. “Why? So you can see some guy under the guise of friends? Likely,” Jason scoffed.

He was frustrating. “I’m not seeing another guy, I’m going with my friends,” you said, repeating your words as he groaned. “For fucks’ sake, Y/N, no means no!” he yelled, his words making you flinch as you sighed and dropped your purse back down.

“Fine, if you’re gonna be a brat, fucking go!” Jason seethed, pushing you to the door. Well, at least you’d get to go. The meet up with your friends ended a few minutes later, and just as you were leaving..,the helmet. This time, you would confront him. Or her.

“Uh, hi,” you said, walking slowly towards the helmet-man. He was definitely muscular. You were standing in the middle of an alleyway, the darkness flooding round you as the helmet stared down at you from his spot. “Uh, I’m Y/N,” you said, holding your hand out for him to shake.

He didn’t shake it.

You watched as he placed a hand in your shoulder, still not having said anything, and interlocked your other hand in his. He pushed a bit of paper into your hand, your eyes on the words. A phone number. Interesting. As soon as you looked back up, he was gone.

unknown user

y/n: hello

user: Hello.

y/n: who is this?

user: you don’t need to know.

user: come to the boulevard tomorrow at 9pm. leave jason behind. tell him your seeing a friend.

Holy shit x2. The air of mystique around whoever this was…was somewhat unsettling but at the same time, it was kinda a turn on. And wait, how did he know who Jason was? Oh, he’d done his research. Nice one.

And so you did what he said, managing to wriggle out of Jason’s possessive gaze, and you found yourself, waiting where this stalker had said. And there he was, in the same jacket and the same helmet, looking back at you. And perfectly on time, as well. Either he was desperate or…well, you didn’t know.

It was dark all round you, no one around and the streets unlit in this area. You watched as he reached out a gloved hand, taking your hand in his and pulling you between the trees, the mask of the night shielding you. He had strong hands.

You didn’t truly care what he’d do next, as he sat you down, the dry earth coating the back of your dress as he pushed it up, your thighs visibly shaking. A soft gasp left your lips as he trailed his hand over your core. You hadn’t worn panties. Good.

It was almost like he was complimenting you as he gave you a small smack on your thigh, before he removed his glove, dipping his finger between your folds as you moaned, eyes wide. “Shit…” you trailed off, your eyes wide as he added another, your knot building up. Fucking weeks of faked orgasms, and this one felt real.

He didn’t say anything, simply moving his hand faster, the tan skin of his fingers curling as he rubbed at your clit with his thumb. Who was this fucking angel? A loud moan left your lips as your orgasm flooded over you, his hand moving from between your legs, the remnants of your pleasure on his hand as he wiped it down his jacket, watching you for a second, before he left.

Part 1 of his plan: complete.

And the next day, you received yet another message from the same user, your eyes lighting up. It was an address.

user: [address], 10pm. no panties either.

And you arrived at the surprisingly grand hotel, showing the receptionist the room number and she gestured the way. You paused outside the door, thoughts of everything flashing through your head. Who was this man? Was he safe? Was he dangerous? Fuck it, you just needed another orgasm.

As you walked in, you failed to notice the little camera set up on the desk behind a bottle of lotion, your eyes on the man standing in the doorway of the en-suite bathroom. You didn’t say anything, neither did he, as he walked to you, lifting your dress once more and laying you down on the bed.

With one hand, he dipped his fingers into your core, the other hand undoing his belt as he dropped his trousers, taking your hand and wrapping it round the base of his (surprisingly large) cock. You heard the small sound of a groan, not enough to identify who it was, but you pumped his slowly, his own hand toying with your core.

Still, he’d didn’t remove his helmet. You gasped as he pressed his cock against you, one hand pressing down on your throat gently, the restriction of your airways adding to the pleasure, as his other hand pressed your stomach down to stop you from arching. You whined as he tugged your jaw forwards, forcing you to look at the small bump in your stomach.

Holy shit x3.

You gasped as he started moved, your lips parting as he moved his head down, lifting the visor and pressing immediately to your neck, so you couldn’t see anything but his lips as he licked at the supple, sweet skin of your collarbone. His hips picked up pace as you moaned, his fangs nipping at your skin as he peppered kisses to your neck.

You could feel the pleasure build up in both of you as he held you down, his hand moving from your neck to massage you clit in soft, slow circles, his other hand kneading the skin of your breasts. “Shit,” you muttered as he sped up, the knot in your stomach building faster and faster as you suppressed your moans, your eyes rolling.

He pulled out before he came, spilling the liquid onto your thighs as he bit down once onto your neck, sucking the hickey under your coat and out of sight, before fixing you up. And then he pushed you out the room. Oh god.

“What the fuck?!” Jason snapped, stepping into the shower with you. “Where did you get a hickey from?” he asked, your eyes wide. You’d totally forgotten about it. “You gave it to me last time we fucked,” you said coolly, trying to play it off. “Oh…right,” Jason muttered. Wow, he was stupid.

“Fuck,” Lando gasped, his eyes rolling as he tried to keep his attention on the video of the night before, his hand desperately trying to recreate the sensation of your tight cunt, how good it had felt having your warmth clenching round him. “For fucks’ sake,” Lando muttered staring down at the menial drops of cum coating his hand.

And there was only one way he could have you all of himself. Kidnapping. But, how? You were walking down the boulevard once more, trying not to stare at the spot where you’d been fingered by the mystery man, clutching your bag as you walked down to a bakery, where you wanted to pick up your cakes.

And then, a hand on your mouth, followed by a cloth, and out you went.

……….…………………………

Your lashes fluttered open as a piercing yellow light hung over you, your eyes returning to usual as you looked round the room. You had an itch under your nose, and you reached your hand up, only to find your wrists tied together and to a radiator. What the fuck?!

And then you saw it, the pieces falling into place. A laptop placed perfectly so you could see it, with the video of the mystery man fucking you playing on. The helmet placed onto the side cabinet. A phone with ‘user1’ and the list of all your images he’d saved. What was this?

“Hello sweetheart,” a voice said, the second word dripping with almost condescending sarcasm as you looked up, your eyes locking on a pair of greenish-blue ones. He was the stalker? He was hot, though. “What are you doing, who are you?” you writhed against the ties as he scoffed.

“Fight all you want, then,” he shrugged, “I know you want this,”. You shook your head at his words, making him roll his eyes, before he bent down, untying the tie on your wrists and kneeling to your height. “Don’t wanna be here, is that what you want me to believe?” he smirked. “Then go on,” he gestured to the bedroom door.

“Run, then,”.

But you didn’t. You didn’t run. Though you knew you should, that this wasn’t right, but you didn’t move. “Exactly,” he leaned down to whisper into your ear, running his tongue over the mark he’d left, a shiver rushing up your spine. “Get on the bed, then,” he said with a little sinister smile, but you obeyed.

“On your back, lift your dress,” the man said, directing you with a firm voice as you did what he said, your back against the mattress, your hands tugging the material of your dress upwards. “Good,” he eyed your body, “think a little introduction is in need,”.

“I’m Lando,” he said, his lips brushing your ear as he removed his jeans, “you’re Y/N. I know that,” he said, pumping himself a few times before aligning with your entrance as you gasped. “I know how Jason was a dick,” he continued, “I watched you fake those orgasms,” Lando mused, “and how that cunt of a ‘boyfriend’ never once gifted his perfect little girl anything,”.

You whimpered as he took your chin in his fingers, pressing his lips to your jaw, before sliding into you, his other hand taking a little box from behind you, sliding the ring onto your index finger as he rocked his hips. “Oh, god,” you gasped as he sped up, your hands digging into his shoulders.

“I watched how that cunt couldn’t even make you cum, Y/N,” Lando smirked, “such a pretty girl and he couldn’t even make you cum,”. You whined at his words, your body bouncing a little as the lewd sounds of your skin hitting his as he slammed into you, your eyes rolling in pleasure.

“Cum for me,” he said, his teeth bared against your neck as you gasped, your whimpers filling his ears as he carried on. Oh what he fun he’d have with you.

A/N - I love this.

[waywardsalt]

putting this under the cut immediately because i KNOW this is going to be extremely long

general disclaimer, its not my kind of game im not blaming the actual devs for most of this shit i understand gamedev and writing and animating and all of that shit is hard yadda yadda anyways i fucking despise totk with an acidic rage and im trying to swear off of bitching about it any further but tbh i gotta get my actual thoughts out of my system somehow.

i guess my biggest issue with totk at the moment now is just that... it feels like it's the gaming equivalent of dangling keys in from of some kids face to get their attention; it's shiny, it's got fun gmod-ass glue mechanics, you get three whole maps and... it feels very hollow and like they just wanted to make a fun game and let everything else rot while the gameplay was polished to an insane degree- and i see why it's likely getting good scores despite the story and worldbuilding and theming and literally everything but the gameplay being rough as hell, its a fucking open world game with stupid glue mechanics where you can built the shit you want and go anywhere and like.

i didn't even like ultrahand very much, so there was no chance of this game actually winning me over. more often than not ultrahand was a hassle for me to use outside of solving puzzles with it. the gameplay isn't even particularly fantastic when you take away ultrahand bullshit or the admittedly impressive recall and ascend, it's just there to prop up the stock-standard open world game exploration and combat, which is effectively the exact same with the additions of every weapon being shit and funneling you into using ultrahand-mini (fuse) and giving you the chance to create insane destructing machines, which- where does that fit in? where does the zonai garbage being crazy weapons fit in with like... the zelda feel? idk the gameplay did literally feel like botw but with different abilities. ultrahand and fuse were effectively the same thing and the abilities just had. no decent story integration you just get these weird ass abilities because the devs wanted to let the player so whatever the fuck.

i mean, just... i know there's this general idea with loz games where they come up with the gameplay gimmick first and then build everything else around it, and totk is where it's the most painfully obvious. it is extremely easy to tell that the gameplay was the first priority in creation. with the other games, the gameplay gimmicks and story mesh pretty well, and everything is about equal- but the gameplay in totk sticks out like a sore thumb in comparison to the story and... everything. the story does just feel like an excuse for the different gameplay mechanics they decided to cook up.

i mean there's no real reason for why link getting rauru's arm allows him to access those powers, especially since we never see rauru or mineru use those kinds of powers, the depths and sky don't really matter outside of the dungeons in them, and the zonai tech is messily integrated just to be toys, and zelda turning into a dragon just... gives you another dragon for resources, and along with ganondorf jsut lets you have this cinematic final boss- ganondorf turns into a dragon for the sake of that cinematic boss battle, there's literally no way for him to have known what would have happened if he ate the stone. ganondorf being in the game alone is just... they added him because it's ganondorf, they don't actually go forward with making it matter that it's ganondorf, just that they had calamity ganon in botw and decided hey why not people like ganondorf let bring him back. it practically doesn't matter that he's gerudo or even a human character. he's just treated like another flatly evil monster. he's evil for the sake of it, and any other possible backstory for him is either ignored by the story or stamped out by the way the narrative wants you to view him.

i dont know exactly what happened during development but i hope to hell the final story and worldbuilding isnt what they intended to do by the end. it all feels so hollow, echoing what past zelda games have done and reusing old tropes, either not improving on any of them or not understanding why those things worked the first time. totk's story is just so flat, hardly any new characters get time to breathe and make any real impression, the ancient sages are nameless and faceless and are barely more than symbols, sonia was quite literally fridged, mineru and rauru get their moments but they don't do anything beyond what is needed to advance the immediate plot, and any new characters in the present aren't that deep either, even ganondorf is just more flat than ever even if he had the most character to his animations.

they backtracked on zelda's character growth and character in general to just shove her into that same old dedicated princess mold and the game at large is so desperate to have you groveling at her feet like the rest of hyrule with the overbearing repetition of 'look how great and nice and smart and thoughtful she is :))))' and it's so bizarre how they shove her influence into every corner of the world, including those she really shouldn't be that involved in, and it just wraps around to being like... don't think about it just listen to us. that's what the whole game feels like, don't think too hard about it and just follow what the game wants you to do and think about all of this. the stable quests all boiling down to just finding a bunch of stupid quirky little misunderstandings of things zelda had benevolently done was one of the most frustrating experiences: why even fucking BOTHER with fake zelda even being a thing in the present if nothing outside the plot is done with it, and the stable quests would have been a great opportunity.

i didn't even bother with most of the side quests after i beat the main story; i did a smattering of bigger side quests, got the memories and all of the shrines and cleared the depths and finished the story and i havent touched it since. and then i played persona 5 royal and had the best time of my life. that game was a fantastic palate cleanser after totk.

i mean.... my favorite part of totk (asides from the music) was the depths, clearing that out and spending hours getting every lightroot, and as much as a i loved the depths, in hindsight it is BULLSHIT that you get what amounts to a worthless token for getting every single lightroot. same as the reward for every korok seed- that open world bullshit of there being no real payoff to these massive collectible undertakings buts a little 'you did it :)' token. SO much of the chests and rewards in totk were absolute dogshit, it was CONSIDERABLY worse than the rewards in botw especially since the weapons are worse across the board. i played totk around the same time as a friend of mine, and even they were starting to get irritated with the shitty rewards.

similarly, it was also a pain in the ass to see how they used the amiibo armor and other references to past games- it was so shallow and hardly every worth the effort and just... why even reference the old games anyways? totk has jack shit to do with any of them, much less the game it's supposed to be a goddamn sequel to, and it was just a worthless attempt at using nostalgia and references. you can utilize past game references and nostalgia well (imo fire emblem engage did a really good job with that) and totk just tossed that shit in there bc it could and then moved on. don't even bother.

tbh totk really did stampede over everything in botw, from basically ignoring most of zelda's characterization, to scrubbing away most of the stuff about the champions or sheikah... anything (i'm so pissed by that one interview thing. 'it all disappeared bc calamity ganon disappeared' ILL BITE YOU. NOT ALL OF IT IS GONE. THEY LITERALLY DISCUSS IT IN BOTWS EPILOGUE. they built that shit in preparation for clam ganon its not like clam ganon caused it to pop up it was like a massive contingency plan for ganon why would it all disappear anyways what the hell. what the fuck. considering the sheikah's history w/ the hylian royals its so doubly fucked), and just... oh my GOD what totk does with link is so. you cannot be doing this rn.

link being a non speaking character is totally fine and has been handled great in the past and tbh botw handled him being non-speaking with limited emoting in the memories bc it gave a valid reason and suggested that lack of pressure and memories is what allows him to be more visibly emotional in the present!!! and totk is like. ah. nope. hes stone faced again. even in front of his friends and the people he cares about. even though this was explained as being basically a defense mechanism for hyrule's safety being put on his shoulders in the past and he loosens up in present botw. oh you want to see him smile? at his friend? who he's fought tooth and nail to see again? too bad its out of bounds. poor boy looks like he could be a customizable character in most cutscenes. you could swap him out with any other character in those scenes and it would not matter. the common defense abt link feeling like he doesnt matter to the story is usually like 'oh but he's doing that stuff of course it matters' you are missing the point the problem is that it feels like link. link specifically. link the character from botw. it feels like he does not matter to the story. feels like he could be swapped out with any random character so long as they have the master sword in hand.

look the music was the best part of the game but like. the usage of motifs from botw that don't actually relate to anything in totk (such as bringing back the champion's motifs when. they have LITERALLY nothing to do with almost anything in totk). the music does a good job at pulling on your heartstrings but it feels like it's doing a LOT of that specific heavy lifting in the story. very little of the actual game content backs up the soundtrack. totk does not deserve its soundtrack imo.

tbh the new sages were kinda weak, too. yunobo is infuriatingly fooled by fake zelda at every turn, tulin (best boy) has the most lazy blink-and-you'll-miss-it character 'arc' abt him learning to work with others or whatever the hell that dialogue was trying to impress upon me, sidon... look i did the water temple first (hated it) and then moved on i barely remember much about sidon, and riju is unfortunately in the blast range of what was done to the gerudo as a whole. they're fine, don't really get much time to breathe, their powers range from decently useful to just straight up a pain in the ass, (mineru is the worst sage. her mech... using that thing is one of the most unpleasant gameplay experiences ive had in what might be years) and oh god the dungeons... those fuckers are not a 'return to form' they're cheap imitations of zelda dungeons of the past.

say what you will about the divine beasts but at least i didn't feel like i was being treated like a fucking moron while going through them. totk's dungeons were insultingly easy, robbing any puzzle completing satisfaction by either just handing you the solution on a shiny silver plate or having the puzzle just be some flavor of 'go hit that switch' totk's water temple is the WORST zelda dungeon i have ever played through good god. it feels like the inverse of what majora's mask had going on; while majora's mask was on a smaller scale, the dungeons are huge undertakings of interwoven puzzles that are just... mwah i need to replay majora's mask soon. despite the game's massive scale totk's dungeons didn't take half as long as some fucking shrines. idk. every other zelda game ive played from phantom hourglass to skyward sword had considerably better dungeons than totk. fuckin- ph is easily a zelda game aimed more for younger audiences and they have more complicated dungeons than totk. fuck the story felt darker than totk. FUCK, LINEBECK ALONE WAS A MORE WELL WRITTEN AND DEVELOPED CHARACTER THAN THE WHOLE CAST OF TOTK PUT TOGETHER- my copy of phantom hourglass cost me $70 to obtain. phantom hourglass is worth that $70 to me. totk is not.

(speaking of shrines, totk's shrines were fine, it was disappointing how many of them were just. empty with just the prize. i will say, however, I fucking LOVED the shrines where you were stripped of all of your items and dropped into a unique combat situation. a perfect blend of puzzle and combat that utilized the new abilities much better than literally any other part of the game i WISH they actually used the ideas present in those shrines throughout the whole game they were so so good)

of course, theres the uncomfortable implications in the plot of hyrule in the past, the zonai being heralded as gods and then just peacefully placing themselves as higher and in authority over the other races, and then the suggestion that again in the present the other races (in some form) return to being vassals of hyrule, pretty much everything with the gerudo and the way ganondorf is treated and some aspects of his design, how the female characters are treated and viewed across the board, the messy theming, hyrules seemingly complete infatuation with zelda… a lot of this game just made me feel icky, and not in an intentional way.

it almost feels like theres a sense of disdain aimed at storytelling and worldbuilding in general, hardly anything feels new and what is new just is awkwardly superimposed on existing concepts, those existing concepts being carelessly brushed aside, the world bending- sometimes nonsensically- to fit the new ideas totk introduces. all of the disparate parts do not fit together very well and every cool new idea either falls flat after any scrutiny or stands as an unsatisfactory answer to an interesting question. its messy and i get the vibe that they (whoever has the final say on this stuff) don’t care so long as it sells. it doesnt particularly inspire hope or interest in the future of the series if the attitude towards final-draft storytelling and worldbuilding is the same as we got in that interview snippet about the sheikah technology. it feels insulting after everything we’ve seen in this series.

totk arguably is dragged down the most by its story, and i think is has the worst story of the series on account of how hollow and blatently gameplay-enabling it feels. at least in past zelda games if things went unexplained, there was enough room and evidence to speculate. the sheikah tech situation has been explained with ‘it just vanished and no one cared’ and that just feels insulting, not only to the people who wanted a real answer, but also to the game itself.

idk what else to add this game is covered in the ooze for me and i hate it and wouldnt mind never playing it again. theres so much that just doesnt make sense, straight up sucks, goes nowhere, means nothing, is shallow and pointless, is uncritical of itself and what it says, and is just… im not surprised about the lack of dlc on the basis that they dont have any more gameplay to add. the story and world is the very least important thing to totk and it fucking sucks. the gameplay doesnt even do anything for me i just fucking hate this game and its elementary school recess level complexity world and story

To my fellow totk haters (people who started off mildly annoyed with the game's flaws, who then progressed into full on rage as almost everybody else seemed to love it): What did you most dislike about the game? If you can't decide, what were the biggest problems you had? What changes would you like to make?

This can be anything from gentle constructive criticism to a full on rage induced rant; I want to hear your thoughts, whichever form they may take!