#HOLY FUCKING SHIT I AM SO EXCITED I HOPE THIS IS FUCKING REAL OR YALL ARE GOING TO HELL

[tomwambscunts]

If pete davidson is REALLY hosting snl, I WANT WINTER FORMAL 2

[cheolaholic]

ring of love; csc (01)

summary; agreeing to join vernon spectate an underground boxing match wasn't how you'd expect to spend your friday night. you also didn't expect to see seungcheol, someone you've lost contact with for years, become a part of the ring.

modern! au • boxer! au • hhu focused • multiple kinds of tropes • fluff, angst, smut

a/n; AND THE FIC IS OUT 💃🏻✨

ngl, i posted up the teaser at around 1am just to see how it'd go (was planning on deleting it right afterwards if nothing showed up). i woke up like 6 or 7 hours later and holy shit yall - i wasn't expecting it to get so much attention or blow up 😭 and it was just a TEASER 😭✋🏻 i've also gone through the small notes section of the taglist form (my favorite is the one that said they like my brain lol) either ways, i'm so glad you're all as excited as i am for this fic 🥹🫶🏻 it really means a lot to me <33

i'd also like to point out that i'm writing this fic as i go, kind of going with the flow, so, occasionally some things might not make sense but let's hope the flow goes well 🙏🏻

taglist at the end !

click here to join the taglist ♡

“hey there, babygirl,” vernon greeted as he took a seat in front of you at the library desk.

the nickname had you looking up from your laptop, shooting the boy a grimacing look.

“vernon, what the fuck?”

vernon chwe, an art major you had met on the first day of college during orientation, since both of you were in the same freshman group during said orientation.

you were entirely new to seoul, having spent most of your life in a small town in daegu (alongside your introverted nature, talking to new people while having to adjust to your new surroundings was basically an introvert’s nightmare).

when vernon approached you during one of the 30 minute breaks, he handed you a bottle of coke, a friendly gesture you appreciated a lot. that wasn’t what caught your eye though - it was his clothes. it’s not every day you’d see a college student wearing a bright neon tie-dyed shirt.

when vernon noticed your staring, he simply said “ah, yeah, the rest of my clothes are in the dryer. i’m vernon, by the way! vernon chwe!”

“...i’m ___,” came your response, “lee ___.”

from then on, you’ve both been stuck to each other like glue. always seen together to the point you both had been mistaken as a couple one too many times.

guess the saying of 'you're not real besties unless people think you're a couple' is true to an extent.

though you both have made it clear that the relationship between the two of you is strictly platonic.

the boy laughs at your reaction before shutting up as a few students shoot him a dirty look, a few others shushing him. “it’s fun messing with you, ___,” he said in a soft voice, not wanting to get on the nerves of the other students, “watcha working on?”

“just the usual presentation preparations,” you answered as you pushed back up your glasses and continued typing away.

“is this a group or solo project?”

“solo, which thank god. if this was a group and i had another bad luck on my groupmates, i was going to lose it.”

vernon cringes at the mention of groupmates. in your previous group assignment, you were stuck with not one, not two; but three parasites. he remembered how sleep deprived and stressed you were throughout the semester for said group project. he’d gotten you to submit an email to the lecturer in charge, writing out in extreme detail how you had to bear the responsibilities of the group members while they were out and about, partying, going out on dates etc.

however, you decided to go even further than just submitting an email.

it was the day of the presentation. as your lecturer sat in the front row seat alongside two other faculty members, you looked at your parasitic freeloading groupmates that were standing to your left.

“are you guys ready?” you asked in a quiet voice.

when they nodded their heads, you smiled as you pressed the clicker in your hand. anyone would have assumed your smile was that of an encouraging smile. you however, knew better.

as the first slide was projected onto the projection screen, the topic of the presentation was written in a big font while all four names of yours and your groupmates were written underneath it.

as you pressed on the clicker, one by one, the names of your groupmates began to be removed from the slide. the classroom was confused before catching on - you were calling out your group mates for being parasites.

your groupmates watched in a panic state as the students began whispering amongst themselves; the faculty members jotting things down on their clipboards.

once all the three names were removed with your name being the only one left on the slide, in a calm and collected voice, you said, “now, shall we begin the presentation?”

vernon remembered the proud expression you had when he met up with you the same day. “how’d it feel?” he asked, having helped you with your research and planned out the execution for the revelation of the free loaders.

“amazing!” came your reply with a beaming smile, satisfied.

“whatever happened to those three anyways?”

shrugging, you heard from some classmates that they had either gotten suspended or needed to retake the class. but, you didn’t care.

why would you?

if anything, you were glad you didn't have to deal with them for the rest of your studying years.

"hmm, fair enough," vernon responded before placing both arms on the table, leaning forward, "so, got any friday night plans?"

"if you're planning to drag me to a frat party-"

"not a frat party."

looking up from your laptop with an eyebrow raised, the boy just shoots you a smile - a smile that you can't help but feel suspicious of.

as you saved your work progress and shut down your laptop, vernon spoke again.

"have you heard of underground boxing?"

"i am not going to get in a boxing ring."

"you don't have to!"

once you've packed up your stuff and headed out of the library together, he explained more about the underground boxing.

it's a monthly event and is usually held somewhere in itaewon. when you mentioned that you didn't think vernon was the type to take part in these events, he replied with, "that's because i don't. a close friend of mine does and i usually go to support him with two other close friends!"

"and where do i play a part in this… support group?"

"don't hate me for this, okay? i just think that you could use some outdoor time, ya'know? i know you're introverted and want to hole up in your apartment the entire weekend, but it wouldn't hurt to try something new!"

you were silent for a moment.

"so, i'm a bore, is what you're getting at."

"what!? no! absolutely, not!"

when you let out a laugh at vernon's reaction, it had a few students around both of you stunned.

maybe it's due to your introverted nature that everyone assumed you'd be cold-natured too, black cat energy they call it.

but to vernon, he knew it wasn't the case. you just needed to be around the right people or in a setting you're familiar/comfortable with to be yourself.

'naturally introverted, selectively extroverted' as they called it.

"i'll go if you pick me up."

"does seven sound good to you?"

"yeap."

"aight, bet."

introverted ass: ik i should've asked this earlier

introverted ass: but is there like a dress code or smtg?

introverted ass: bcs i don't wanna show up looking extremely out of place

vrrnonie: casual should be okay

vrrnonie: maybe bring a jacket along

introverted ass: but it's a boxing match

introverted ass: wouldn't it be hot and stuffy from all that sweat

introverted ass: ?

vrrnonie: it's actually air conditioned, believe it or not

vrrnonie: and it's well ventilated too

vrrnonie: and there's not much people, dont worry

vrrnonie: the place can hold up to 100+ ppl

vrrnonie: but they usually only let in abt 70-ish?

vrrnonie: not wanting to be too stuffy, crowd control etc

introverted ass: so i'm assuming i can just wear my sweater and tights?

vrrnonie: yeapp

vrrnonie: reaching in 10 btw

introverted ass: wtf

vrrnonie: you can do your makeup in the car when we reach

vrrnonie: it doesn't start til 10pm so we can grab some dinner

introverted ass: again, wtf

vrrnonie: love ya bestie 😘

introverted ass: 🙄✋🏻

true to his word, vernon did show up ten minutes later at your apartment front door.

parking his mercedes-benz in one of the few empty spots, he then brought you to a diner he deemed to have the best burger in all of itaewon (of course that was after he let you finish doing your makeup, as he had promised you).

"so… how long have your friends been doing this whole underground boxing thing?" you asked, stabbing a few fries on a fork before shoving them into your mouth.

"oh, just one of them actually," vernon replied with his mouth half full of his beef burger. "wonwoo hyung acts as the manager while mingyu hyung and i are there as first aiders. occasionally, we'd help him train too. but, mingyu is the one he trains with since he works out more than i do."

"does this boxer friend of yours have a name?"

"i can't really say his actual name out here. but, his stage name is scoups!"

why does that stage name sound so familiar… you ponder.

it's now 1230am and you've been out way longer than you should be (technically, more like longer than you wanted).

by right, shou should now be on your bed, cuddled up in your blanket as you binge whatever series or movies are available on the many streaming platforms offered.

yet, here you are - in an underground boxing ring somewhere in itaewon all because your best friend had decided you should spend more time outside.

the match was nearing its final round and based on what you've heard from the people sitting beside you (vernon had left to go to the locker rooms where his friends were; but had assured you everyone is respectable and won't try anything weird. it didn't reassure you completely to be left alone in the crowd, but any kind of reassurance is acceptable at this point), it seems that the two final boxers would be JK and scoups.

(you had also taken a lot of toilet breaks due to the overwhelming feeling of being in a crowd for an extended period of time)

you still ask yourself why the name 'scoups' sound so familiar…

it was only when the loud cheers snapped you out of your thoughts, causing you to shift your focus onto the ring that you finally realise why that name sounded so familiar.

because right in that boxing ring, stood an old face you've been longing to see for years.

choi seungcheol.

taglist (i can't tag a few for some reason ㅠㅠ);

@yoonclip @1004luvangel @catjunhui @mystikha @spk93 @tinkerbell460 @yoozuku @dnylwoo @christinewithluv @limbomoon @plutoxxxworld @i-give-up-1234 @m1ngyuc0re @yunloyal @leclercloverbot @bettybeako @billboard-singer @ocyeanicc @krupyadoorrahe @seobinnieshi @xcynthiaaa @k411z @disneyprincesshuri @sunnyapp @khxsh @staygenezy @loufi8iepuff @ursweetener @noisypapergalaxy @wonwootakemyheart @sugainpinksweater @leah-rose03 @thisisnotthelastofus @yearnoclock

[walkingaftermidnight07]

Today's SOBH: let's chat yall

AKJS:DLJK:LKSJDF:KLJSFDLJLSKJDSLKJDSKLJSDLSDJLSLKJFLKSJDFLKSJFLKSJDFLKJSDFLJSLFJLKSJFLKSJFLKSJFLSJFLK

I AM SOBBING ON THE FLOOR RIGHT NOW I AM NOT OK

DEAR GOD I CANT DO THIS WHYYYYY

ok im trying to compile my thoughts as best i can but that's not gonna work so well so prepare for a very long, unhinged rant

first of all, livvy. seeing this update from livvy's perspective ripped my heart out of my chest and crushed it. i am already having all the feels. Hearing livvy describe kit being all grown up, it being a reminder that she will always stay the same....

I quit. im done. this hurts too much aksjf;jks;jfljslkfjlsfj

second, ty's reaction. my poor baby, he was so shockeddd

"I heard Ty take a breath like he never has before. Like he was gasping for air, like he’d been sucker-punched and he was trying to breathe and trying to breathe and he couldn’t."

kit may have fallen first, but ty fell harder for sure. this boy....he cares so much about kit that seeing him after everything that has happened causes him almost physical pain. he wants him back so much, but he doesnt understand why. or why kit has iced him out.

(sidenote: ty telling him that he's cleaning the gun wrong made me sob and laugh at the same time, because of course he would do that and i love him for it)

third thing:

KIT MY BABY WHAT THE HELL I GET YOURE HURT AND EVERYTHING AND I FEEL FOR YOU BUT YOUVE JUST HURT TY SO MUCH AND HES SO CONFUSED AND THIS ISNT HELPING YOU AT ALL

COMMUNICATE. I DARE YOU. TY CANT READ MINDS YOU IDIOT. HE DOESNT KNOW YOURE HURTING TOO. FOR ALL HE KNOWS, YOU HATE HIM

I LOVE YOU KIT, BUT DRU IS RIGHT YOU SUCK AT COMMUNICATION

“How long do you think it will take you to forgive me?”

“I don’t know,” he said.

“But not now,” Ty said in the smallest voice.

“No,” Kit said. “Not now.”

i just wanna hug them so bad oh my fucking god

THAT WAS PHYSICALLY PAINFUL TO READ JESUS CHRIST AND IT STILL HURTS. TYYYYYY POOR BABY

fourth thing: livvy noticing how hurt kit is too, but ty not seeing that

something tells me that livvy isnt going to tell ty about that, so as not to get his hopes up, meaning twp is going to be a long ride for them to get to the point where they actually communicate 👀😭

"Julian, I don’t know what to do. Ty misses Kit more than he thought he could miss someone. He misses him as much now as he did the day he left. He loves him the same. I think he always will and it scares me.

Kit is used to not needing people, but Ty needs people. He is afraid to need people but that is only because he needs them so much. He is not going to stop needing Kit. I don’t know if Kit will always need Ty. But Ty will always need him."

DONT SAY THAT LIVVY. KIT NEEDS TY TOO HE IS JUST SO FUCKING STUBBORN A:KJSDFLJSLFJLSDJFLSJFLKJS

no but i have to applaud cassie for this, because holy shit, this update managed to wreck me within the first paragraph. The overall tone, livvy's perspective and voice throughout the whole thing, the descriptions of our two lil baby idiots-----

I AM FEELING ALL THE FEELS AND I AM SO EXCITED FOR THEM TO FINALLY TALK IT OVER FOR REAL NEXT TIME

let me know what y'all's thoughts are!!! Id love to have a discussion about yalls theories and overall thoughts :D

[that-cartoony-villain]

legends is back bitches! and yall know what that means.... im back to my bullshit that no one reads but its fun to comment anyway-

also i just got my second vaccine shot so my arm is kinda heavy and who knows if ill be able to concentrate fully on the ep~ this will be fun!!! lets go!

tired sheriff is a mood hope he doesnt turn into a big asshole cause lets be real hes a straight white man from the 20s texas hes going to be a little bit of an asshole

eeyyy they remembered about the portal!! so they didnt fuck up too badly! yet... and i was right when i had said they were going to pull a "its out of battery!" on us.... yay plotlines! i guess

wtf nate that was trully fucked up.... the man literally just "died" and his gf is out here mourning and you say that????? oh i hope they dont make zari and astra fight about john being gone, they could have a really nice friendship sharing the pain and supporting each other since he meant a lot to them both in different ways...

tarazi siblings, avalance AND esperastra being like that to each other??? i cant ;-; this is too soft pls give me more

of course the time bureau had a rule for every type of situation and of course ava and gary memorized them all... also yes to team makeover! and notice that sara never said straight about nate.... *i am looking*

dammit rory.... also i didnt miss that little zava interaction i love them theyre so cute... anyway everyone is gay because look at how theyre all sitting... no straight group of friends sit like that...

GLORIA BEST MOM i love her pls dont let anything bad happen to her ever again spooner deserves to have this time with her mami SHES TOO GOOD FOR THIS WORLD PLS GUYS DONT LET HER BE TAKEN... astra no pls wait shit LETS FUCKING GO thats hot NOOOO ASTRA

oh shit the feds! hide! not in the same place you idiots goddammit... a magic key that teleports you to the mansion in its own pocket dimension? cool! ITS IN HELL???? HOLY SHIT JOHN WHY??

lets go rob some banks!!!! every avalance interaction adds a year to my lifespan and i love it! "you love lists" *disgruntled nerd noises*

DONT BREAK THE FOURTH WALL BEHRAD! or should i say stop breaking the ceiling ;) love that woman and how everyone was very supportive of the robbery lmao

and true legends fashion they fucked things up this time for the worse!!

yes behrad you broke ava.... THE SERIAL KILLER STAN IN AVA HAS BEEN AWOKEN LETS FUCKING GO!!!! yes its your time to shine ava you go you funky lesbian!

gloria my beloved ;-; YES GIVE US ASTRA HAVING A MOTHER FIGURE SHE NEEDS IT my esperastra crumbs im not ready ;-; oh no the best friend hhhhhhhhh i guess this is as good as it gets..... yknow what fuck it ill take whatever crumb i can get!

GIDEON!!! WHY IS SHE NAKED PLS

no dont leave me hanging like this give gideon some clothes ffs...... SHES HERE!!! SHES FINALLY HERE!!! HUMAN GIDEON AAAAAAAA

i cant wait for the interactions with the legends and human gideon!! this is going to be exciting! im already pumped for next week!

[julemmaes]

One of the kids and their first crush.

First Crush

A/N: Set in the same universe as this and this (I’m gonna make a masterlist soon I swear), Cal (18) finds himself in a weird situation and doesn’t know how to handle things. I introduced Elucien babies in this one, everyone else will come by later on and very slowly I’m gonna introduce every other child.

If you’re new, this is a next gen collection of one shots, for now only about Nessian kids specifically. In this one, Ezra is 22, Cal is 18 and even tho they don’t appear, Nora is 13, Celia is 12 and Andra is 10. Nate and Theo are 17.

Send prompts about whoever you’d like to read more about and also very slowly I’m gonna give yall every single one of those:)

Enjoy!

Word count: 3,432

Cal brought his hands to his hair, "Oh my god, what's wrong with me?"

Theo, leaning against the car next to him, chuckled, "In my opinion the correct question would be what isn't wrong with me- Ouch." the boy turned to his twin, "Why did you hit me?"

"Because you're being a dick," Nate replied, glaring at him, "Stop talking shit."

"Why did I agree to this?" asked Cal shocked, looking up from the road and shifting his gaze from one cousin to the other. Two pairs of brown eyes locked onto him and then, in a synchronized motion that never failed to make Cal cringe, the twins shrugged.

Theodore and Nathaniel Vanserra were two of the most handsome boys in all of VHS. They both had the natural grace of the Archeron sisters that all cousins in the family shared, but their father's beauty that they had acquired over the years was one that made it easy to hate them with just one look. It was humanly impossible that such beautiful people could exist.

"Because you like her and want to date her, maybe?" asked Nate sarcastically.

Theo threw him a look, "Who's being an asshole now?"

Nate huffed then turned back to Cal, "Listen to me," he took him by the shoulders, getting so close to his face that for a second he was afraid he was going to kiss him, "You've been drooling over Rania for months. Months, Cal. And she finally made the first move because you were too chicken to step up."

"Chicken?" laughed Theo beside them.

Nate closed his eyes taking a deep breath, deciding to ignore his brother, "She asked you out. You accepted. You're going on a date." he shook his head confused, leaning even more towards him, "What's wrong with that?"

Cal looked at him wide-eyed, imagining Rania's crystal eyes sparkling with excitement at the prospect of going to dinner with him, so different from the rust brown, almost red ones that were staring back at him. "Nothing, it all adds up," then he cleared his throat, "Shouldn't you be home by now?"

"What time is it?" asked Nate taking two steps back. Cal felt the air return to his lungs and he sagged against the door of his car. Well, his and Ezra's car.

Theo cursed checking the time on his phone, "Shit it's almost three."

Nate nearly broke his neck as he lunged to grab his backpack on the ground and then started running in the direction of their house, yelling a simple hello to Cal and for his brother to hurry up. Theo's eyes went wide, snorting with an amused grimace on his face.

Cal huffed out a laugh, "It's not three o'clock is it?"

Theo shook his head, with a lopsided smile too similar to his father's, "Not even close." then turned to his cousin and threw him a flying kiss, starting to walk after Nate. "Call me if you need any advice on what to wear."

Cal gave a thumbs up and then slipped into the car.

It didn't take him more than ten minutes before he arrived home, but once he parked his car next to his mom's, he sighed.

He needed to talk to his dad.

Cassian would certainly know how to handle this situation better than he was doing.

The front door burst open and a distraught Ezra, visibly in a hurry, opened the driver's door, grabbing his brother by the shoulder and pulling him out of the car.

"Ezra!" shrieked Cal with wide eyes, "What the fuck!"

"You're late." the eldest pointed out to him, then tossed him his backpack with a stern look, "Here."

"Sorry." Cal murmured, then pushed his hair out of his face, "I got stuck with Theo and Nate, I didn't notice the time."

Ezra stopped the frantic movements, looking at him worriedly all of a sudden, "Are you okay?"

Cal nodded, licking his lower lip, "Just Raina."

"Oh." murmured Ezra, "We can talk about her tonight when I get back if you want." he smiled at him, then seemed to remember that he was running late and Cal didn't have time to correct him and tell him that the problem was the exact opposite of what he thought that Ezra was already backing up.

The silence that greeted him in the house was unsettling.

"Hello?" he asked loudly enough for anyone to hear.

"In the kitchen!"

Cal smiled and kicked off his shoes before following the smell of lunch.

"Hi Mom."

Nesta was perched on one of the island stools as she munched on a cereal bar. "Hi dear." she looked up from her book to smile at her son, but turned serious, "What happened?"

Cal dropped his head back, huffing, "Am I a fucking open book?"

Nesta frowned, "No swearing."

"I don't see Andra here." he glanced around him opening his arms.

"I don't care, I don't want you to say them." and before he could retort, "And in this case you could have just as easily said I'm an open book without the need to shove fucking in it." she pointed out to him.

Cal nodded, knowing full well how pointless it was to engage in this conversation again. He pointed to the table set just for him, "You're not eating?" then arched an eyebrow, "Where is everyone?"

"I ate with Nora and Celia and then took them to practice. Andra is at school like she is every Wednesday." she got up too and sat down across from him at the table, closing her book and resting her chin on one hand, she asked, "So, what do you have?"

Cal took a bite, "Dad?" he asked with a full mouth, avoiding his mom's gaze.

"At work." then she huffed, "You failed a test?" guessed the woman.

Cal laughed, "Like that's even possible."

"Did you get in a fight with Theo and Nate?"

"I don't think that's possible either," he replied in a small voice.

"Cal," his mother's hand rested on his. He was forced to look at her and sighed, seeing the concern in Nesta's eyes, "Are you okay?"

He nodded. Evidently with not enough conviction because the woman in front of him bit her lip down thoughtfully.

"If you want I can call Dad and ask him to come home early," she offered, "If you want to talk to him, I mean," then continued, "You know he'd be here in three seconds."

Cal nodded again, knowing full well that his father would rush home even risking an accident if he knew one of his children was feeling down. Setting his fork down next to his plate he brought his hands to his face. He hated his mother when she did that.

He looked her straight in the eye as he told her so.

Nesta looked even more concerned, "I'm sorry," she told him, probably feeling guilty for pushing him too hard to talk, "if you want I'll leave."

"Nono," the boy replied promptly, then grimaced, closing his eyes. He grunted before muttering, "Raina asked me out."

He doubted his mother knew who he was talking about, but it didn't take a genius to figure out it was the girl he liked.

The room filled with an awkward silence.

"Ah." was Nesta's only response.

Cal resumed eating, his head down, "And I don't know what to do."

"What do you mean?"

"I've never really liked anyone before," he said, "and Raina is...she's special."

He smiled, thinking of the billions of braids she so proudly wore every day in a different hairstyle.

"Did you say no?" asked Nesta. Cal felt her curiosity even without the need to look at her.

He shook his head, "I said yes," he confessed, "but I need dad to tell me how to act. I don't have a clue what to do. Where to take her, how to dress, whether I should text her first. All that shit there- sorry." he smiled mischievously when Nesta bounced him again and hoped he'd taken her mind off the real problem.

"And how come," she began, "I can't be the one helping you?"

Cal looked at her at that point, "Because you're not a people person." he pointed out, "Dad managed to win your heart, it won't be that hard for him to give me advice on how to win Raina's." he took a sip of water, "When I think about it, dad and Raina have a very similar personality. " he shrugged, "So he can tell me what he likes and I can do it for her." he nodded as if he had discovered the Holy Grail, but that sly grimace disappeared from his face when he saw his mother's expression.

She sighed, her eyebrows so high they almost touched her hairline, "Dear, that's the dumbest thing you've ever said in your entire life." she told him in amazement.

Cal opened his mouth wide, offended, "Mom-"

Nesta raised a hand to stop him, "Let me talk."

He nodded once.

"First, answer these simple questions," she began, "What were you going to do about it this afternoon?"

"Ask her if she was okay with Friday night to go out." he said without hesitation.

"Good." she smiled at him for half a second, quickly becoming serious again, "And where would you like to take her?"

Cal tilted his head to the side, not understanding where this was going, "Why are you-"

"Just answer."

"I was thinking of taking her to the diner, to Ben's," he replied, unsure of his choice, as a faint blush made its way across his cheeks.

"Perfect." she gave him the thumbs up, "And since it's a diner, you'll just need to wear simple jeans and a t-shirt, or am I wrong? Nothing too fancy or flamboyant."

The boy huffed, irritated that his mother was giving him all logical answers to his senseless and fake concerns. "Okay, and your point?" he asked, scratching his forehead.

Nesta smiled at that, "My point is that these aren't your real problems and you're scared of all kinds of other stuff."

"I really don't like talking to you about this stuff." he muttered, folding his arms across his chest. They both knew that wasn't entirely true. They both knew that if either of them were really uncomfortable, they wouldn't be able to get a word in edgewise.

"Yeah I didn't either." scoffed his mother, "But I would have liked someone to tell me that it was normal for me to feel all those emotions the first time I met your father."

Cal frowned.

"You don't have a problem with setting up a fancy date," she told him, "I raised you teaching you what respect and kindness is and if I failed, then dad took care of it.  Because both you and your brother are golden boys and you'll never have to worry about not being offering enough." Nesta looked away, "But while your brother can... handle?" she asked no one in particular, searching for the right term, "His emotions relatively well, you're like me." then she giggled and Cal knew they were navigating waters his mother didn't particularly like to touch, "And I'm a mess when figuring out how I feel."

Cal knew what she meant, so he nodded.

She was right.

Talking to the twins about what was really bothering him had never even been an option. The idea of having to tell them how much he actually liked Raina had been more terrifying than the emotions themselves. He knew they wouldn't understand and would wait until it was socially acceptable for him to tell Raina directly how he felt without scaring her off.

"How about you finish eating and then we'll go for a walk along the river?" his mom suggested, "Or do you have to study?"

Cal shook his head, smiling shyly at her, "I'll finish eating and we'll go." then he took to gorging himself.

Nesta chuckled as she went to get ready to go out.

***

"When Dad asked me out the second time, right after our first date, I said no," Nesta said, looking across the river to the other side, where a couple of older poeple were walking slowly arm in arm.

They had paced for a half hour, in which Cal had told her about how they had met in the coffee shop in front of the school almost four months earlier and how she had offered him hot chocolate. How they had spent a whole day talking about everything and nothing, and how they now had an ongoing obligation to meet at least once a week in the same cafeteria, even though they ate at the same table every day with all their other friends.

Nesta had asked to see a picture of her, and Cal had been surprised to find out that he wanted his mother to like Raina more than anything else at that moment. Luckily, Nesta had been speechless and commented on the girl's silvery eyes, blinking a couple of times before giving him the phone back and commenting with a simple, "She's beautiful."

Now, sitting on a bench along the bank of the Sidra, Nesta was telling him about the days when Cassian had had to struggle to make her his.

"How come?" he asked genuinely curious.

Nesta smiled, lowering her gaze to the wedding band around her ring finger, "Because I liked the first date too much."

Cal furrowed his brow, "Were you afraid the second one wouldn't measure up?"

"No," she murmured, casting him a glance, "I knew perfectly well it would be better than the first."

"So why did you say no?" the boy asked impatiently.

"I knew that the second one would be better than the first one and that the third one would be better than the second one and so on and I was already so overwhelmed with my feelings that I was afraid it might become too much." she explained, "Your father was the first one to get close after so many years of me having my bad friendships and relationships." she frowned.

"If you don't want to talk about it, you don't have to," he made a point of reminding her. He wanted to be helped and would have liked to know more about his parents' lives before them, but he didn't want his mother to feel compelled to share things with him that still bothered her.

Nesta squeezed his hand lovingly, "Don't worry, those things are in the past and I have nothing to be ashamed of." she smiled at him, "I was with someone else before your dad and that man kinda ruined my life. I thought I would never be able to trust anyone in the future again. That I would never again feel the love and affection I had felt for him." she huffed out a laugh. She brought both hands to her lap and Cal shoved them into his pocket. "Then your father came along and it was all so sudden and I fell in love right away, hard. Completely lost for a boy I barely knew. And it scared the hell out of me."

"Why?" Cal already knew the answer, it was what he felt every time he saw Raina walking down the halls of the school. Every time she bit into a piece of bread in the lunch room and then made a disgusted face at how awful the food tasted.

"Because I could only imagine how much it would hurt if it ended suddenly. If I felt everything so strong in the good, it would be just as strong in the bad, you know?" she turned to him, more serious than ever.

Cal just nodded.

"Your father was hurt by it," she confessed. She began to play with her wedding ring, "He was so hurt, god." she giggled, probably thinking about the night she had rejected him, "He stood in silence for minutes on the front porch of my house gasping, thinking about all the possible things he had done wrong during dinner and the aftermath and we looked at each other and looked at each other until he asked me why and I couldn't tell him. He wouldn't have understood. Or he would have thought I was crazy."

The boy chuckled as he stared out at the glistening water under Velaris' winter sun, imagining his parents as kids, dressed up for a date. "How come you finally agreed to it?" he asked, later specifying, "To go on a second date I mean."

Nesta seemed to ponder how to phrase it, "Because I loved him."

Cal gave her time to process the words. If it was even half as difficult for her as it was for him, he needed to let her speak for herself.

"Because I realized that such a strong emotion, even if it was sudden and all at once, could only be a good thing. That even if it ended badly, I would have the memory of those happy, carefree moments." she nodded thoughtlessly. "I realized that something like that had to be reciprocal. A connection with a person like I had never felt before, not even with Tomas - who I believed to be the love of my life for years."

"I'm glad he wasn't," Cal murmured, chuckling.

Nesta gave him a light shrug, "Me too." then continued. "I knew your father wouldn't give up on me as easily as I was giving up on him. So after the thousandth time he asked me why I couldn't go out with him, I agreed and every time, every damn time, my heart gave out a little more.

"And I got to a point where I had nothing left to give, because he had everything about me. And I was okay with that. I was risking losing myself in what could easily have been a summer fling, but I knew it was worth it.

"Thankfully, it wasn't. Thankfully I trusted my feelings and kept fighting for what I wanted and even though sometimes your dad and I hit bumps along the way, it's still worth it. Every day."

Cal was watching her carefully.

Nesta often told her children that she loved them. He had heard her say I love you to their father many times, but never, never had he heard her speak in that open way, that vulnerable. She must have realized it too, because she took a deep breath, as if she had forgotten to breathe until that moment. Then she turned to him and put a hand on his face. Cal leaned into that touch.

"I just want you to know that you're not alone. That I feel that way too, right away. And I can assure you that if Raina is the right person for you, then she'll understand that too. Maybe it won't be the same for her, maybe it will take her longer to get to where you think you are now, but that doesn't mean she doesn't love you the same way." her eyes grew watery. "And never, ever be afraid that you're giving too much. There's no such thing as too much when it comes to love. Not in these cases."

Cal nodded, not sure he would be able to speak if he tried, but he knew his mother could see the gratitude in his eyes.

He couldn't imagine how his father must have felt when Nesta had confessed his true feelings to him. Cal was sure that the love she reserved for her children was different from the love she reserved for her husband, but certainly not weaker, not in smaller amounts. Just different.

"I know it's scary dear, but trust me when I tell you that feeling emotions so hard will bring you the best memories you'll ever make," she finally whispered.

Cal cleared his throat, not quite sure whether to be calmer or more agitated than before, but he said anyway, "Thanks mom."

Nesta turned to the snow-capped mountains that were visible above the town, "No problem."

They stood watching the river sparkle for too many minutes, but when they got up, Cal hugged his mother so tightly that Nesta was stunned.

They were used to exchanging kisses and hugs in their family, but she felt this was different.

She wrapped her arms around her son, despite the fact that he was much taller than her, and they rocked each other as the boy tried to bring order to the mess that was his head.

acotar tag list (if you wanna be removed or added just send me an ask or dm me)

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[hopeshoodie]

I feel so bad letting this sit for so long, but better late than never I suppose! Thank you to literally everyone who tagged me in this. Literally every time I see these posts it makes me grin like an absolute dope at my phone. This is one of the best fandoms I’ve ever been in. I know I joke that I’m just sitting in my corner making garbage, so thank yall for making the room my corner is in so lovely.

So here’s a shoutout to the people who made my 2020 better. If I’m following you (from my main @hyperspacial because despite being on tumblr for nearly a decade I still hardly know how to run a sideblog) I 100% like you. I’m sorry if I forget to tag people :( Also this is about to be a long ass post- don’t feel obligated to reply or like or whatever just because you’re tagged :P

@garyandhisnan. I just…. I adore you. Highkey would walk to the ends of the earth if you asked. Your writing, your posts, everything is top notch (and you’re an awesome person to boot which like… shouldn’t be allowed). Thank you for letting me rant about American late-stage capitalism and all the other nonsense I flood your inbox with. If yall aren’t following them, go do it now.

@deuchess  

@ariendiel Why you would want to collaborate with me, ME, of all people? Still astounds me. I pinkie promise we’re gonna do it though, and it’s gonna be so good. I’m so excited. But seriously, your fics are some of the only ones that I can keep coming back to. Your writing is *chefs kiss* and your edits/moodboards are literally so pretty. I love your blog and I cherish you, you slut cheat.

@kiki-the-creator same brain saME BRAIN SAME BRAIN how do we have the exact same brain!? Your fics literally are the best thing this fandom has produced- I come up with these half baked concepts, you make them actually good, then I play dollhouse with them over and over again in my head forever :3 That Erikah fic? Literally every Marisol fic you write?? I love them. Also you’re highkey so funny and ugh. Te adoro.

@bubblelaureno you’re literally too good for me. For real. I’m sorry I’m so shitty about keeping up to date with fics and edits, you deserve way more than my shitty memory and my 2 second long attention span. Your blog is literally a beacon of positivity and it’s absurd how much I admire your drive and your analytical way of thinking. This fandom is so lucky to have you.

@codename-mango controversial yet brave opinion- your blog is the best LITG blog on tumblr. Your headcanons, your jokes, your route overviews? All immaculate. Even your reblogs are the best of what everyone else is posting. You’re the only reason I have notes, and I appreciate you sm.

@oneflewoverthecuckoos my comment to mango is controversial only because if not her, then your LITG sideblog for sure. For a ‘Lucas’ blog, the diversity of content and LIs you talk about is refreshing. I fucking love seeing people talk about non-LI characters.

@inthenewblood thank you for letting me bitch about the reddit oml it’s needed. Also having someone to be salty with? A new but not unwelcome experience lmfao

@noahssidechick you are literally so sweet oml I treasure our chats and the pictures of your dogs. You bring such a chill and earnest vibe to the fandom and ugh, I’m so glad to have you.

@fuseboxmusebox I feel like you’re so consistent in the fandom, like you were here when I first joined and you’ll be here after I inevitably lose interest and leave. Your reblogs are top notch, the takes are even topper notch, and it wouldn’t be a ‘litg blogs that made me happy’ list without you.

@crvsh-culture I will never not sing your praises. I love your blog, I love you perspective, I love your vibe. I consider you a friend even though we’ve talked like… once.

@radiantdae your artbreeder edits were the first thing in the fandom that left me genuinely astounded. Like holy shit they were so good. Kassam??? That was a REAL MAN. Obviously the stuff you post now is really good too and your blog is excellent. But tbh when I think of the LITG fandom, the first think I think of is your artbreeder pictures. Also your ‘filipino words that make me think of the islanders’. I still think of that often. 

@therealityofthematteris seeing you in my notes makes me smile every time. That’s basically all, just needed to say it lmao. Also if anyone has almost convinced me to start playing TWC, it’s you and Seliné.

@bellarxse my dash would be dry af without you. Same with TWC- I’m so tempted to play because of your posts (I have it downloaded on my phone but like…. I haven’t finished a single route in Arcana and starting a new thing is overwhelming). But also your prompts are one of the few things that makes me want to write lmfao.

@lahelakoh I feel like I’ve said it before but your posts SEND me oml. The tiktok references, the chaotic energy. Both the taste and the flavour is immaculate.

@kiwi-tai we haven’t talked that much but oml I love your content so much 15/10

@confused-inalltheways-human you’re literally so cool and I think about that Harry fic all the time. Am I ever gonna get around to writing it? Probably not. But it was such a good idea. Also thank you for lighting up my notification.

@oceanatydes you come here, you post literally spectacular content, and then you peace out like bruh I wish I had your mind. I adore your edits, but my favorites are your posts/headcanons.

@voile-de-lune your aesthetic is everything I aspire to be and your headcanons/edits are such a refreshing take on characters that we’ve all gotten so stale with. I still live for that Rahim moodboard you made. Also your headcanons are so fantastic.

@lasswithumor this fandom desperately needs more Carl stans, thank you for doing the lords work. Also I highkey stalk your blog on a regular basis jsjsjsjsjsjs every chat we’ve had has been lovely and ugh, you’re just lovely

@bobbysapron your vibes are literally so immaculate. I know it’s been awhile since we chatted but I highkey adore your content and ugh. You’re such a cool person.

@beebips I feel like you’ve vanished off my dash, but you made up for it with that 3rd chapter of The Other Side of Seventh Ave made up for it.

@nerdferatum I don’t think I’ve ever breathed a word in your direction but oml you’re so sweet and supportive and every time your posts cross my dash I *pleading emoji*

@mrsgaryrennell I’m still agog that we’re mutuals because like… You are so talented. It took me waaaayyy too long to get into Blue and Hazel but now that I have… It’s highkey better than the actual season skskskskss

@kingkassam Like the above, you are waaaayyy too cool to be following me sksksksk. I’ve still got a few edits you had ideas for in the pipeline, and highkey the Kassam icons you requested are my favorite edits I’ve ever made. I live for someone else playing Matchmaker.

@hermitclaw  hello?????? You’re so funny what the FUCK are you doing following me. Ik you don’t post that much anymore, but every LITG you grace us with is a knockout. It feels unreal when you reblog my stuff. Basically the same to @mchamster. Like you’re both so funny and have been in the fandom for so long that it fully feels like royalty whenever yall interact with me.

@ravenadottir I am fully unworthy to even mention your name but oml. Your guides are the only thing that help me retain information about the season, and your recent outfit edits? Oh my god they’re so good. Hope’s especially, with the brightly colored swimsuit, left me absolutely speechless. You’re just above everything in the fandom and I admire that so much. Plus you really don’t have to flex that hard in your fics, and yet-

@smaiihands saving the best for last because you are one of the single most talented people in this fandom. Your art is the strongest life support for the fandom and like I know we haven’t talked in awhile but you’re also such a dope person. So.

And a big shoutout to all the people I follow who I don’t talk to but have nothing but good vibes. I appreciate yall way more than I can articulate: @richhdesire @needsomesorrel @ficticiouspastry @cranesandshipyards @litg-ish @princesslove19060 @fictitiouspastery​  @icedcoffee-please @demons-dogs-and-puns @sparklydinosaurr @mountainmanxoxo  @diamondsdiary @bucket-bill@another-lottie-simp @bobbys-darling @cyn-onlyyou @mikcove @officialpapa-johns @Amaxn @dxncingthroughlife @myfictionalobsessions  @screw-u-vaanu @kittidot @chichiguitarist123 @myfictionalobsessions @Azibear @amelia-w @lilithlibrxa @litghoe @priyas-tiddies @daisybarks @ajs-wife

At this point this post is just a directory of the LITG fandom lmfao but genuinely. Thank every single one of you. 2020 was hard as shit, but I’ve been hyperfixated on LITG for like a year and I treasure your content sm.

[hu4ngs]

Ten as a boyfriend pls! Thank you!!

ohhhh boi

omg this baby

first of all congrats, you’ve got yourself a MAN

so let’s go from a to z

you met him when you attended your friend’s (let’s say guanheng) sports match

you weren’t all close to guanheng, so you have no idea who’s in his friend’s circle

and you were very much surprised that he asked you - of all people - to go to his match

so as a token of gratitude, you attended

you sat on the bleachers

you sat next to ten ;)

your first thought when you saw him was that you think he looks so much alike guanheng

when ten caught you staring, him being a lil shit, he just HAD to call you out, playfully, of course

“take a picture, it lasts longer”

you’re confused and taken aback

“i’m sorry, what?”

he laughed at you, before shaking his head

“i was kidding!” he told you

and then you laughed, but you were still very confused

ten, on the other hand, just brushed it off

although he’s a little embarrassed that his joke didn’t come through

there was an awkward silence between you two now

“so who are you here for?” he asked

“my friend, guanheng. he said this is his first time being a regular, so he wants every one he knows to -”

“to go see his match?” he finished your sentence for you

you’re really confused with this man

you nodded nevertheless, “how’d you know?” 

surprise surprise

guanheng and him are friends!

so you two exchanged instagrams cuz why not

he’s hot, you’re hot, i don’t see a problem here

and then it just continued on since then

you’d reply to his story

he’d reply to your story

it continued on like that for about two months

and then ten finally tells you that he’d like to have your number

you’re more than happy to give them to you

then you two started playing imessage games together

ten: damn you really suck at cup pong, y/n

you: literally leave me alone

ten: saving your number as ‘loser’ now

this goes on for a few more months i tell you

because ten is a prideful person

he’s not just gonna give in and admit to himself (or to anyone, for that matter) that he has fallen in love

plus, if you’re gonna get TEN to have a crush on you, you’re gonna have to wait longer than 3 months, this man isn’t here for puppy love, he’s here for LOVE love

after months, and you two are noticeably comfortable with each other now, you started opening up a little

every now and then you’d talk about your day to him

and ten appreciates that

he feels needed

he feels wanted

and he loves feeling that way

he loves feeling important to someone

even if he doesn’t open up as much as you do, you didn’t mind

you figured when he wants to open up, he will

and he noticed this about you, and totally loved this about you

plus to you, it’s not a big matter anywas

oh, you’re so oblivious with your feelings for him that was increasingly growing that’s why you’re so tolerable for him

one fine day

more like night

you were texting him

and ten asked you out

das right

just you two, out on a date

he was so straightforward about it??? big dick energy right there

n e ways

you’re like holy shit holy fuck oh my god wow

of course you said yes

only an absolute fool wouldn’t say yes to ten

so the next day yall meet up

he looks stunning

you look stunning

oh god i love a power couple

ten’s a little shy than he was the last time you saw him

and when he’s shy, he giggles and smiles a lot its adorable i tell you i’m so in love with you, ten

anywAys

he took you out to see a movie

and there wasn’t any bomb movie at that time so yall settled with a horror movie

but its shitty though

but it’s okay bc it’s the memories that matters xoxo

ten purposely picked the couple seat btw

he’s a sly fox

like i said it was a crappy horror movie so you weren’t really scared

but ten was surprisingly kept on his toes during some parts

considering all the times ten had teased you thru text

you decided to jumpscare him

you whispered-yelled a ‘boo!’ to him during the suspense part

and he actually S C R E A M

mans screamed LMAO

the few people who came to watch the movie gave you two quick glances

“i’m gonna beat your ass, y/n!” he told you

but you were too busy laughing to react to him

after the movie ended

ten was still a lil mad that you embarrassed him like that

so you decided to take him to an arcade 

ten quickly got over it and was excited to beat you in games like he usually does

“try beating me in real basketball the same way you did in the imessage version, loser!” ten told you

and obviously he won

virtual basketball and actual basketball are two different things

and you sucked at sports, even if its just an arcade game

i hope you know what basketball game im talking about omfg

and then you decided to play that shooting game where you have to kill zombies

it was nerve-wrecking 

you two were literally SO loud with letting out frustrations about how the zombies should just ‘leave you alone’ and how they should ‘go fuck themselves’

but yall actually won the game!!

you losers actually WON!!

you were so happy because you’re so used to losing in games

that you just,,, pulled ten into a hug

as you excitedly laugh, happily telling him that you’ve won because of how good your teamwork was

your ear was pressed exactly to where his heart was

and you’re surprised that his heart was beating so fast and so loudly

maybe it’s just the adrenaline from playing the game

so you brushed it off

then you went out to eat together

and when yall were eating

you talked to each other a bit more

talking about random things and facts about yourselves

you know,,, small talk and shit

ten, at this point, had already acknowledged that he has feelings for you

but after knowing how much you’re well educated about things he’s interested in, he falls harder for you

as you were busy talking

he couldn’t help but hold one of your hand that was on the table

you quickly became quiet as you stared down at his hand

“ten?”

“hey, y/n?”

you nodded as a response, wondering what the hell is he up to now

“do you think i’m a dumbass?”

you laughed at that question, not thinking much of it

you are, in fact, more intrigued with him holding your hand like that

“sure, sometimes you are”

he chuckled at your answer

and then he made eye contact with you

“well am i a dumbass if i told you that i like you? and that i wanna date you?”

you almost choked on your food

“wait! wait, wait. do you mean that?”

“of course”

you didn’t think twice

you’ve never been so sure about an answer your WHOLE life until now

“then yes, you are a dumbass! but, i like dumbasses. especially cute ones like you”

oh boy ten loves his baby confident like that btw ^

and voila! ever since then you two became a couple

NOW i was so into writing this

let’s get to the point

him as your boyfriend?

nothing changed much

except now he takes you out in so much dates

he loves you so much, and he’s constantly reminding you

he’s not one to admit his love as often as it seemed, so he’d show it through his act of kindness

he knows how much you appreciate the little things

so, he’d shower you with little things

he’d tell you to be safe when you’re on your way to somewhere

facetimes/calls you whenever you tell him a good news, just to congratulate you and say ‘i love you and i’m proud of you, baby!’

he has a lot of petnames for you

baby, angel, babe, honey, darling, fatass, loser, the list goes on

he comes over so often you have a hard time trying to sneak him out whenever your family member comes back from work/school

he’d tease you a lot for being scared to introduce him to your parents though

but he doesn’t mind, when you’re ready, you’re ready

he doesn’t really hug a lot

he kisses you a lot though

he lovesssss giving you a peck on your lips

when you two meet up? kiss

when you’re going back home? kiss

when you made a funny joke? kiss

when he finds you adorable? kiss

oh my god your first kiss with him was totally accidental

ten was showing you his new art and you complimented him

it boosted his self confidence

and then he was jokingly saying “your boyfriend is such a genius artist, don’t you think?”

he was walking towards you at the same time

then he accidentally tripped whilst he was rambling on about how amazing he is

but it’s okay he landed straight into your arms so you managed to catch him before he falls and breaks his nose

BUT his lips landed a centimetre away from your lips

when he pulled back he was like O__O

“did i kiss you?”

“no”

“aw, that sucks”

you were kinda blushing now

he saw you like this, and took this opportunity

he quickly wrapped his arm around your waist, and leaned in to kiss you

it wasn’t THAT passionate

but it was sweet

he was smiling in the kiss when you kissed back

when he pulled away, your noses were still touching

and he took the time to admire your beautiful face

“i love you, babe”

ANYWAYS!! OH MY GOD THIS IS GETTING ME IN MY FEELS!!!!

he compliments you a lot too

he’s constantly reminding you that you’re beautiful

sometimes he invites you when he’s going out with guanheng/taeyong/johnny because he wants everyone he cares about to meet you

he talks about you a lot to his family, too

saying how lovely you are, and how smart you are

and that his family would absolutely adore you when you meet them

god he praises you so much he literally boosts your confidence

oh ALSO!!!

he’d go to every event you joined

you’re doing a performance at your school/college? he’s there to support you

your school’s doing an open carnival and you’re the host for the event? he’ll be there

you’re at a math championship? he’s sitting amongst the crowd praying you’d do your best

you’re volunteering? you’re going together because no way in hell is he gonna let you do all these hard work without his help

you appreciate this so much, it means a lot to you

during your anniversaries/birthday, he’d surprised you a lot

he’d buy you the gift that you didn’t remember telling him that you wanted it

along with 10 other gifts that he bought you 

he’ll take you to that fancy restaurant you’ve been eyeing a lot whenever you two go out

he’ll also remind you how much he loves you because you just mean so much to him

whenever you two argue

he’s usually a dick ngl

he’s got a sassy mouth

it’s not his fault if he roasts you

also

you two argue quite often too

some more serious than the other

ten builds a big wall around his heart because he’s just a guarded person in general

it takes a long time for him to open up and trust someone

but once he does, he trusts said people very dearly

even so, whenever you argue, it’d take a while for him to cheer up

it takes an even longer time if he was in the wrong, because he’s quite an egotistical person

but once he cools down completely

he’ll go see you

and he’ll cuddle with you for as long as he can

caressing your hair

whispering sweet nothings into your ear

he does feel guilty of course, but its kinda difficult for him to apologise, so he does these act of kindness instead as an apology

he doesn’t mean anything that he said when he argued with you though

he was simply just trying to win the argument

he’s so glad that you’re able to tolerate with him

because not a lot of people can

he appreciates you a lot for that

he makes it clear that he’d do anything for you because you’re simply worth the effort

in conclusion

ten would be an amazing boyfriend for you

he loves you dearly

he will be the best boyfriend ever

his hugs will linger with you for days

his kisses gets sweeter each time he kiss you

although he can be an ass sometimes

it can’t be helped, that’s part of ten’s nature

he’s a lil mischievous, so you need to tolerate with that, the same way he’ll have (and will) tolerate with your bad sides too

please don’t ever let him go

ten as your boyfriend will make you forget about you exes, he’s just THAT amazing

i said it countless times but im gonna say it again

he loves you so much, so so so so so much, you’re his own personal angel to him

[cilliankelly]

text 📱 cillian & ellie.

Discord text thread featuring: cillian & @robinscnfm

When: december 25th

Mentions: @judetaylorhq @loganstjames @iitsace 

Description: ellie texts cillian to wish him merry xmas. they discuss their relationships and ellie encourages cillian to try and be better, but for himself, not for anyone else.

Trigger Warnings: insecurities galoooore but i think that’s it. 

ellie.

merry christmas dumbass 🤩 hope u had a good time and that your leg is better ❤️ you’re awesome buddy

Cillian

thanks els bells

i know i don’t always act like i do, but i really do appreciate you and shit. thanks for everything and merry christmas

also i’m sorry about your couch

ellie.

i know you do ❤️ no problem. I really did take you in just to do you a solid, buddy

no problem 😂

i might not even need to get one. Yknow, logan asked me to move in and if i do, probably the less furniture the better. U know i have enough shit as it is lmao

Cillian

👀

does this mean you’re seriously considering it?

moving in with the boyfriend?

ellie.

honestly? I kind of am

i have until mid january to think about it

and i like his apartment, plus our schedules don’t always line up because he has a day job and i have a morning job and a night job, which makes hanging out impossible sometimes

Cillian

these all seem like very sensible conclusions

ellie.

They are. I mean. Its kind of scary im ngl

Cillian

definitely scary. but good i think.

ellie.

im not used to living with anyone which definitely freaks me out

and u know i love my crappy ass apartment

but.... its also exciting idk

Cillian

no i totally get it.

i mean it’s a little different for me bc until recently i didn’t really feel like i ever had a home

but it’s nice. it’s big and it’s kind of scary but it’s also really great.

ellie.

ohhhh wait wait 👀

are u moving in w .. someone?

its such a nice apartment too im ngl

and he doesnt let me pay for anything which wasnt an issue when we were 18 but now it makes me feel ✨very guilty✨

Cillian

fuck tell me about it

and i mean... yeah. he gave me a key for christmas

ellie

omg im so happy for you!!!!

thats so so awesome

fuckin scary too but im excited for u

Cillian

thanks. i desperately trying to not fuck it up anymore than i already have. but i feel good about it.

ellie.

he wants to marry me

Cillian

holy shit

i know you guys dated in high school but you’ve been together how long?

ellie.

a fuckin MOOD but hes lucky to have u. Yall are a good match

Cillian

wow thanks. that’s actually like, good to hear.

i kind of feel like i magically won the best friend/boyfriend lottery or something

ellie.

this time around? About a month. Overall? Like almost three years

but no. What he said was that he still had the ring he’d bought back then

and that he wanted to give it to me whenever i was ready to be asked

it fuckin scares me how much he loves me idk what i did to deserve it

U SAID BOYFRIEND

Cillian

sounds like we really are in the same boat

wait what

ellie.

im so happy

yeah we are. Idk ive never been with anyone who loved me so... up front and decisively

Cillian

it’s fucking terrifying

ellie.

it is

Cillian

like i’m really happy???? but i look at him and my chest gets all tight and all i can think about is how much it’s gonna suck to lose him.

also i’m a bit buzzed on wine right now and this conversation is staying RIGHT HERE eleanor.

i have a rep to maintain

ellie.

THATS LOVEEEEE CILLIANNN

and idk im conflicted. He told me he wanted to pick it up where we left off and i told him i wanted to take it slow, and he agreed

and i do want to take it slow....... but oof falling back to the place where we used to be before It happened has been so easy its fuckin scary

Cillian

and oh my god shut uuuuuuuuuuup

i can’t even imagine.

ace is back in town and that’s been... weird

ellie.

IM NOT GONNAAAA U LOOOVE UR BF

my resolve to go slow with him is getting weaker and weaker i am such a mess

i know. I think i saw her the other day. Hows everything on that front?

Cillian

i don’t know. fine? a little awkward. i don’t have feelings for her still but like. i see her and it reminds me how shitty i was. and still am.

ellie.

and dont worry. Yes people leave but not the ones that really love you.... and i have a feeling u found it

Cillian

i think it’s really bumming him out that like... nobody knows we’re... together.

ellie.

yeah why is that?

Cillian

i don’t know...

telling people makes it like... real.

and jude thinks that by not telling people it makes it easier for me to take it all back and regress or whatever

but i just... ellie i’m like positive that i’m gonna fuck this up. and i don’t know if i want to share it. with anyone really.  not when it’s this good.

i don’t know if that makes any sense

ellie.

but its important to him

Cillian

he says it’s fine but i know it’s not.

ellie.

and listen

theres a strong possibility you WILL fuck it up and theres also a strong possibility that you will NOT fuck it up. No one knows.

and theres a possibility that he’ll fuck it up

or maybe something else will come in between you two and pull you apart

no one fucking knows ok dude

Cillian

jesus ellie, not making this any easier over here

ellie.

and you’re wasting the sweetest part of a relationship by thinking about the end

so like. The most u can do is stop thinking so far ahead, stop getting in your own way, and every day make the conscious decision to show him you love him and to not to fuck it up. Thats all any of us can do

Cillian

i don’t deserve him, i really don’t.

i’ve never felt so useless in my entire life.

ellie.

youre not useless

but i get you, i really do

Cillian

i can’t even fucking walk correctly. i can’t work. i can’t do anything

and i don’t know that i’ve ever like, really wanted to be better. but fuck. he deserves more than this.

ellie.

no no dont think like that

if you want to do anything about becoming more educated or some shit like that you have to do it for YOU because YOU deserve better

Cillian

it was hard enough the first time around. i’m just not cut out for it.

ellie.

i just think you havent found the right motivation

Cillian

and what’s that? the right motivation?

ellie.

idk how to describe it

like when i was in college i would think about graduating and being independent and it got me through boring classes and shit like that

so yeah. maybe what you need is motivation

Cillian

i know this is dumb. and it’s gonna get me an eye roll or something. but it’s just so much easier... to not.

ellie.

no its not dumb

but like. sometimes the things that are worth it arent the easy ones

Cillian

i just don’t want to fail again.

ellie.

bad news, youre gonna

Cillian

you’re all sunshine and rainbows this evening

ellie.

im tipsyyy

and also giving it to u straight

ur gonna fail bc failing is just. part of the human experience

but !! ur also gonna succeed my dude

Cillian

i guess you don’t know if you don’t try.

ellie.

also idk i think ur fear is valid and it happens to me too

so i just think itd be bullshit to tell u like <3 ur not gonna fail <3 everything will work out <3

Cillian

yeah. i wouldn’t believe you if you said that anyways.

ellie.

yeah exactly so like

the best thing i can say is that when you think that youre gonna fail just. try to think the opposite

Cillian

easier said than done

but i appreciate the advice

ellie.

yeah i know it is

no problem buddy <3 anytime

[golbrocklovely]

the chosen daughter // colby brock - chapter four

A/N: hey yall! life update: i have a job now! it’s part time, thank god, and so far i don’t completely hate it, which is good. hopefully it won’t get too hectic, but we shall see. anyway, i hope you are liking this series so far. let me know what you think about it. also lmk if you want to be added to the taglist. hope you enjoy this chapter. alrighty, i’ll see yall later :)

story description

taglist: @far-to-many-bands , @idfk-tbh-oops , @muted-mayham , @ughwhyislifesohard , @justtanerd , @ashyoungxblood ,  @cmburgos

trigger warning: cursing, being hunted??, mentions of killing/murder

word count: 1693

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My apartment had been trashed, everything torn up and thrown all over the place. Sam stayed with me for two hours, scoping it out and making sure everything was back in its place.

Nothing of mines was taken. It just looked like someone broke in to make a mess and leave.

Sam believed it was vamp. I wasn’t sure what to think.

After barely getting any sleep, I wasn’t too excited to go to work. But at least I would be surrounded by people and not by myself, left alone to think of what could have broken in.

I filled Ronnie in on some of my crazy adventures from the past two-ish days.

“How is it you have all the fun on your days off?” Ronnie whined, cleaning a glass.

I scoffed. “I highly doubt getting almost killed by a vampire, and then having one break into my place ‘fun’, Ronnie.”

“At least it’s more interesting than me laying around and watching Real Housewives.” She joked. “So, all of these guys work at Trapp Haus and that’s how you met them?”

I nodded. “Yeah. Got my own connection which is how I was able to skip the line that usually wraps around the whole block.”

“I swear I’ve never heard of any of them before. Are they all bartenders or something?” She asked, starting a new order.

“Um, I think some of them are.” I lied. “One or two might work in the business side of the place, since they’re vamps.”

“I’ll have to go there next human night. Colby sounds pretty hot.” Ronnie smirked.

“I mean he is, but he’s kinda a dick.” I huffed.

“Well, all the hot ones are. Besides, he does have a soft side: he did save you.”

“I guess so…”

The night moved slowly, not too many patrons on a Sunday-Monday evening. I was so happy to finally have my break, being able to step outside and get some fresh air.

I took a deep breath as I looked up into the night sky.

What the fuck had my life turn into?

I shook my head, leaning my back against the brick wall of the bar. I stared into the parking lot, my eyes fixating on the dark. Through the trees that surrounded the lot, I saw the outline of a man.

I squinted my eyes, trying to see if I was seeing things. The figured disappeared as I blinked. I relaxed a little, annoyed at my own paranoia.

Maybe I am going crazy…

I stood up and went to walk back in. As I went to open the door, I heard a low growl come from behind me.

The hair on the back of my neck shot up. I could feel a presence behind me. I didn’t want to turn around, but I knew I had to. I twisted around slowly, my heartbeat speeding up faster and faster.

Nothing was behind me.

I looked around, my anxiety still at its peak. I knew I heard something; but nothing, no one, was there.

I spun back around. A man stood in front of the door. All I could see of him was his glowing red eyes and shiny fangs. He jumped forward with his hands reaching for my neck. A scream ripped from my throat.

I fell to the ground with a loud thump. He was no longer around me, I was alone once again. I scrambled back onto my feet, glancing hastily at the parking lot. I heard a dark chuckle come from the darkness. My eyes widen as I yanked the door opened and slammed it shut, locking it tight. I leaned my back against the door, trying to catch my breath.

He reminded me of someone, but I couldn’t think of who.

I ran to Roger’s office, needing an answer. There was a drawer in his desk, where all the receipts were kept from every night. Roger was very meticulous about it. I grabbed the folder from the previous night I worked. I flipped through all of them until I landed on the one I knew it had to be.

Cyrus Gladstone.

He was Blondie’s… Jasper’s… friend. He knew.

Jasper was dead. And he knew I was the one that got him killed.

Fuck.

I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket, dialing the only number I knew could help me.

“Sam… I need you again.”

~ \/ \/ ~

"How many tips did you make tonight?" I asked, counting out mine again.

Ronnie sighed. "About $20. You?"

"$35." I muttered.

"Ugh, that's not fair. I swear, your blood must smell like a fucking bakery with how many tips you get." She laughed.

"Ain't I lucky." I hissed jokingly.

The door to the bar rang open. Both Ronnie and I sighed. "Sorry, we're closed."

"I'm not here for a drink." A deep voice replied, stepping around the corner.

I turned to face the voice and realized who it was. "Colby..."

"That's Colby?" Ronnie exclaimed quietly. She leaned closer to my ear. "Holy shit he's hot."

"Shhh." I elbowed her lightly, turning back to Colby. "Uh, hey. Are you here to escort me home?"

"Actually, I'm taking you back to our place.” He informed, his hands sliding into his pockets.

I raised my eyebrows at him. "Oh? Okay."

"I'll see you later, Jade. Have fun." Ronnie mumbled, smirking at me and walking to the back to grab her stuff.

"Uh, let's head out." I nodded my head at Colby, slinging my bag over me.

As we walked into the parking lot, Colby stopped me. "Are we really gonna take your car to the club? It's only a couple blocks down."

I scoffed. "I'm sorry... what do you expect me to do? I can't leave my car here."

"Running would be faster." He stated.

"If I was also a vampire." I fumed.

Colby growled, his fangs prominent. "I could turn you into one."

"Shut up and just get in my car." I retorted.

I opened my car door and slid into the seat. Colby stood in the parking lot, glaring at me.

"Are you getting in or not?" I huffed.

He didn't respond.

Who pissed in his Cheerios today?

I rolled my eyes, driving away. "Whatever. I'll meet you back at the Trapp Haus."

I glanced at my rear view mirror, seeing Colby was already gone. I drove, the streets being close to empty since it was so late. I finally got to the Trapp Haus, pulling into the parking lot. Colby had his back rested against the entrance, scrolling through his phone.

I alarmed my car and strolled up to him. "Why exactly am I here?"

"Sam wanted to talk with me and you. That's all he's told me." He remarked. I followed him up the apartment. Walking in, Sam sat on one of the couches, looking up at us.

"Oh good, I was wondering when you were getting here." Sam spoke, smiling.

"So... what do you gotta tell us?" Colby asked.

"Well, I think we have all concluded that Cyrus is after you because of Jasper's death.” Sam admitted.

I nodded my head. “Yeah.”

“He's most likely the person that broke into your apartment. He's trying to get inside your head. Make you feel uncomfortable and nervous.” Sam responded, stepping towards us.

“So, he's playing with his food?” Colby smirked.

Sam and I both glared at him. “Colby... really?”

His lips folded into a tight line. “Sorry.”

Sam sighed. “Anyway, because of this, I want you to stay here until we can hunt him down and kill him.”

“What?” Colby questioned, his arms crossing.

“Dude, let's be honest here. She's not safe. And unless you want to stand guard at her place until he comes a-knocking, it would just be better if she was here.” Sam argued, turning to Colby.

“No, it wouldn't.” Colby grabbed Sam’s arm, pulling him away from me. “Don't you think we've done enough?”

“How?” Sam inquired.

“How are we gonna find where he is? Unless he's living in LA, which may not be the case, he could be anywhere. Are you expecting me to run around the whole fucking city looking for him?” Colby ranted, his voice deep.

Sam scoffed. “What else are we supposed to do? Leave Jade for dead?”

“Yes! We've already done enough. We’ve never gone this far for someone unless they're family. And she's not.”

My heart dropped as Colby's eyes landed on me. They were cold. Unfriendly.

“We can't leave her now. I won't leave her now.” Sam objected.

“We don't even know if he's hunting her. He could just be dicking around.” Colby hissed.

“Or he could be hunting her. We don't know Jasper and Cyrus’ relationship. If someone killed me, you would hunt them down.” Sam stated.

Colby paused for a second, rolling his eyes. “Fine. But how long is she gonna be here?”

“Until you find out where he is.” Sam smirked.

Colby groaned. “Do you wanna give me a clue as to where he could be?”

“Mike talked to a couple of his buddies on the south side. Apparently that where he likes to hang out at. So, snoop around, see what comes up.” Sam replied. He then turned to me. “Jade?”

I cleared my throat. “Yeah?”

“You're gonna sleep in my room until this is all sorted out.” He explained.

I stammered. “No. I can sleep-”

Sam cut me off. “I insist. Besides, it won't be the first time I've fallen asleep on the couch. I'm gonna go get you some clothes to change into. Tomorrow I'll head over with you to your place and we'll pick up some of your stuff.”

I smiled lightly. “Okay.”

Sam left to go into his room. I stared at Colby as he sat down on the couch, sighing deeply.

I stepped over to him, staying a few feet away.

He finally glanced up at me. "What?"

"You really hate me that much." I knew it was true.

My eyes never left his. He just looked at me with an almost sad glimmer.

"Jade?" Sam called.

"Coming." I answered, turning my head away from Colby.

<< CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 5 >>

[onepunchmiss]

OPM s2e7 Live blog

“The S Class Heroes”

IM SCREAMING ALREADY I ONLY READ THE EPISODE TITLE ALRIGHT OK SO IT BEGINS TODAY, MY DEATH guys I am so pumped for the S Class focus thats about to begin with this episode like from here on out they become main players in the series and asfdbfhirksvfjkevfsnjkvfnjek how is it legal for ONE SERIES to contain SO MANY FAVES. Anywayyy Before I get started I’m actually wondering- this is the 7th episode of the second season… do we know how many episodes the season is supposed to run for? S1 only had 12 i think. I’m… I’m not even close to ready for it ending. Now that they’ve introduced Orochi, I’m not even sure where a good break in the plot would be?? Random concerns aside, lets get to the episode. As always, I’m watching this as someone who has read the manga and web comic to date

OROCHI IS PINK HE IS HOT PINK THATS ALL I HAVE TO SAY BEFORE THE TITLE SEQUENCE HITS ME LIKE A GUT PUNCH EVERY SINGLE TIME AND I STILL PAUSE IT AT ZOMBIEMAN OK off to a great start woo

Oh thank god we’re starting with the tournament I can stop quite literally holding my breath. Alright its Choze time. I’m actually excited for him to do things, his face has been nothing but terrifying thus far and hes one of those characters that are just fun to hate unapologetically. I love over-the-top Nazi stand-ins for that reason tbh

OH FUCK OH GOD I LOVE HIM also GAROU hiya welcome back I know it’s only been 2 weeks but i missed you so much thank you for gracing my screen for 5 seconds OH HECK the dramatic music and beginning of the internal monologue just being blatantly REJECTED caught me off guard I cackled AH WAIT WAIT

EYESIGHT DOGMAN ASDFGHK MY BABY IS COMING IM DEAD IM FUKKIN DEAD ALREADY I MISSED HIS CUTE VOICE hey no wait that was very quick?? I must withhold my bias, we’re at the point now where I have SCRUTINIZED every single panel of the manga over and over because of all of my faves, so even the smallest differences will be glaring to me. As much as I want all the action to be drawn out as it is in the manga, I know that’s never been how the anime has rolled. I must bite my tongue.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THE ONLY TIME WE’LL EVER SEE HIM AND YET!!! oof i had to pause for 2 minutes to chill out and actually type. I. I just. juST. BOI ARE YOU OK WHERE ARE YOU ARE YOU WELL AND WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE G4 tell me your secrets

WAIT COME BACK i dont give 2 SHITS about sweet mast HECKK

speaking of whom get off my screen u creep I have a personal bone to pick with u disrespecting the bae as you will

[SCREAMING]

Oh god this whole scene is so EXCITING and TERRIFYING child emperor’s face as Pig God just eats her, speaking of which -QUIT CUTTING BACK TO THAT TERRIFYING IMAGERY ASDFGHJ  

YES THEY KEPT IT YES YES YES YESYEYSYEYS YOU DONT UNDERSTAND how much Ive been looking FORWARD to that little scene??? im crying how is it possible to work myself up so much of this please help

ok ok back to the tournament give my heart a break phew Hey Choze if you’re genes are so superior then where are your eyebrows????? You dont pull it off HALF as well as Z does. Jeez everything about this guy is so absurd I can’t help but laugh irl the damn DNA helix rolling across the screen dude just stop you’re embarrassing yourself

although you DO know how to strike a pose. change ur name to Poze. Wait no. Your name is now GMO Corn I lied.

AGAIN GETTIN ME WITH THE WEIRD COLORS Hundred Eyes Octopuss is red and blue OK SURE

DEATH GATLING DEATH GATLING ASDFGHJKL guys I cant look at Narcisstoic oh no “no you’ll do no good”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I WASNT EXPECTING THIS THIS EPISODE BUT I SHOULD HAVE I WASNT PREPARED I paused it I’m afraid to push play he’s not on the screen yet i can still turn back and make it out alive -

                    Behold.                                     the moment   I          died        

I actually have this thing with eye gore and seeing it in motion fucked me up I had to skip 10 seconds but anyway FUCK he’s so SPARKLY and PRETTY

Noting also the music there totally gave me flashbacks to the Darkmatter Thieves invasion for a split second and that sequence in general was really well done I like how they emphasized the suckers sticking to the concrete and everything- it have the monster a lot of weight imo. Of course the studio would be fools to not give Tatsumaki the the utmost respect like that sooo

SPARKLY and PRETTY and TEMPTING FATE YOU FOOL yo I was so excited to this scene but I feel like they didn’t make his response angry enough it’s funnier when it so uncharacteristically mad I might do a redraw with the face he makes in the manga………….. FUKKIN was smiley face man just yelling noises to cover flashy’s voice???? FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

OH MY FUCK WE’RE GETTING MONSTER CELLS THIS EPISODE. OH MY HECK WE’RE COVERING MUCH MORE GROUND THAN I THOUGHT WE’RE ONLY HALF WAY THROUGH THE EP

plot progression plot progression plo t p r ogr e ss i on hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Kamikaze being the badass that he is i lov

SPEAKING OF LOVES LOOKY LOOK God i love those three Okamaitachi is a WIFE and IAI is a BAE HEY WAIT let them speak come back they said words i want voices!!!!!!!  this is going so fast??? Oh my god I was absolutely not expecting to get the Suiryu fight this episode holy crap holy crap?? Ok but I’m getting pumped the music is hype “trying to hide his nervousness by looking like a doofus” “this is how I always look” Oh saitama why do they do this to you. Jeez as much as I love everyone else I forget how much I miss him. 

Oh and he’s getting his hopes up again sweetheart no

This is so good I’m hardly pausing to type my thoughts I’m too invested AND NOW ALSO IM DIGGING THIS MUSIC this is good v good yes and there goes Saitama being a genuinely good person offended by this jackass Saitama is too good for this world

His voice… I love him sm. aaaaaaaaaaaaaand its over. hmmmmmmmmmmmm so I have a guess as to what the post credits scene will be but let’s just see

YUP I KNEW IT cause we skipped it last week and now that we’ve introduced the monster cells it was only logical Genos no bby stop getting completely obliterated mannnnnnnnn

In all, no real complaints??? My children?? Have began to appear finally??? I just wish they literally went word for word shot for d\shot with Drive Knight if only because I’m STARVED for DK content in general. But based on the pacing of this week’s episode, will definitely cover a lot of ground and be pretty intense. I should be less, uh, screaming? Next week too. I’m exhausted from spazzing every 10 seconds hah. Well, I just skimmed the manga again and there might be some but yeah I think I can calm down for maybe 2 weeks. maybe. take a wild guess who should show up right around that time. ANYWAY Thanks for reading see yall next weeeeekkkkk

[ua-miruko]

[8/6]

ua-miruko 2:30 PM

@ua-todoroki @ua-kaibara @ua-mar SUP LITTLE BITCHES you're mine now 🔥 🤪 🔥

ua-todoroki 2:30 PM

Oh.

ua-miruko 2:30 PM

YEP! OH!!

You're rollin' with TEAM MIRUKO NOW

Now we got a few objectives I wanna explain, but the most important one? KICK EVERYONE'S ASS

And when I say everyone, I MEAN

EVERYONE

... But especially Hawks' team

ALSO Endeavor's. I wanna run him into the groooound

ua-todoroki 2:33 PM

I can do that...

ua-miruko 2:36 PM

yeah, you better 😈

ua-todoroki 2:37 PM

:/...

ua-miruko 2:39 PM

oh, c'mon... you don't got more to say than that???

ua-todoroki 2:40 PM

Idk what to say.

It's good to be working with you.

ua-miruko 2:40 PM

good to be workin with you too! you were on of my requests so i'm glad the good ol gov was lookin out for once!! ����😤

yer rly strong so i'mma be expecting a lot from you 👀

ua-todoroki 2:41 PM

Was I? Huh.

I'll do my best.

ua-miruko 2:43 PM

yeahyeah... didn't want anyone who'd hold me back and you almost won your festival way back when, yeah?

ua-todoroki 2:44 PM

Yeah.

ua-miruko 2:46 PM

yeah...

ua-kaibara 2:46 PM

Right..

ua-miruko 2:46 PM

aha! another one 👀 sup kid

you i don't know shit about lol

ua-kaibara 2:48 PM

Not surprising

ua-miruko 2:50 PM

tell me bout yerself?

what's ya quirk like

ua-kaibara 2:51 PM

I'm Kaibara Sen, one of UA's students but that's.. mostly obvious I think most of this program is UA students. My Quirk is Gyrate. I can basically just.. rotate my body parts like a drill. It's mostly useful for hand-to-hand but I wear metal gloves so I can use my hands as legitimate drills also..

ua-miruko 2:53 PM

🤔 interesting.....so yer a close combat kinda guy, yeah?

ua-kaibara 2:53 PM

Primarily, yeah

ua-miruko 2:53 PM

....you ever get flung through the air?

ua-kaibara 2:53 PM

Yes

ua-miruko 2:53 PM

EXCELLENT

ua-kaibara 2:53 PM

I am kind of scared to ask why

ua-miruko 2:54 PM

cuz im gonna fuckin fling you like a dart, that's why!!

ua-todoroki 2:54 PM

She'll probably do that to you.

Yeah.

ua-miruko 2:54 PM

listen, whatever ya gotta do to add more POWER to yer attacks, i expect ya to do

so, thermo?? you gon be doing a lot of flinging too

ua-todoroki 2:55 PM

I can help transport people with my ice, but it takes a bit of getting used to.

ua-miruko 2:55 PM

expect yall to practice that on your own, then!

ua-todoroki 2:55 PM

Yeah.

ua-miruko 2:56 PM

i do a lot of fighting and we'll be doin a lot of training together but i ain't gonna hold your hands the whole way

ua-kaibara 2:56 PM

I thought we were learning about heroics, not flying

ua-todoroki 2:56 PM

We'll need to be careful about how our quirks interact.

ua-kaibara 2:56 PM

...that's a joke

It didn't come off as one I don't think

ua-miruko 2:56 PM

....work on your humor, kid

ua-kaibara 2:56 PM

It'll be dry as ever by the end of this

ua-miruko 2:57 PM

you got a pretty huge shot, thermo, so our job will be makin sure to dodge yer shit....

nice nice

ua-todoroki 2:57 PM

Yeah.

You could also mess with my ice if you stomped the ground, I think. Shatter it.

ua-miruko 2:58 PM

oh fuck yeah.... 👀

ua-todoroki 2:58 PM

So we'll have to be careful about that.

ua-miruko 2:58 PM

nah i WANT that

that's a fuckin great combo

ua-todoroki 2:58 PM

Oh. Really?

ua-miruko 2:58 PM

stomp on your ice, send a whole STORM of ice shards out to kill EVERYONE

ua-todoroki 2:58 PM

I guess ice is sharp.

Huh.

ua-miruko 2:58 PM

we can call it SHATTER STORM

or somethin

HELL YEAH COMBOS

ua-todoroki 2:59 PM

I've never used it like that...

ua-miruko 2:59 PM

yeah!! you got a pretty basic way of using your quirk, i wanna force ya to do it in new fun ways

ua-todoroki 3:00 PM

Still. If I'm trying to capture a villain and you shatter all of it, we could lose them...

It'll be interesting.

ua-miruko 3:00 PM

yeahyeahyeah, we'll see what happens

ANYWAY

yall, we got a few days before we officially start but if ya got time, i wanna test you out a bit

spar with me 👀

ua-todoroki 3:01 PM

Sure.

When?

ua-miruko 3:01 PM

and everyone else too! expecting to fight you all before the week is done

whenever you're free! my schedules clear the next few days

ua-todoroki 3:01 PM

So is mine.

ua-miruko 3:02 PM

👀 awesome

ua-mar 3:09 PM

Wow! A high ranking hero! To think I finally see you in the flesh! I’m Alta Valentine of 2-B and it’s a pleasure and absolute honor to be here! 😸

Ahaaa, this is the first time a hero has called me such a name.......... BUT I PROMISE I WONT LET YOU DOWN 😤😤💪

ua-miruko 3:12 PM

damn, that's a name....yer a second year! interesting!

tell me yer quirk? ua-mar 3:15 PM

My quirk is called Marble! I can amplify the strength, endurance, and speed on anyone I leave contact on for 5 minutes! I can’t amplify their quirks however. But it’s great for long distances if we’re separated!

ua-miruko 3:16 PM

... No shit???

Holy fuck

ua-mar 3:16 PM

......but once I use it.....I get slower 😅

ua-miruko 3:16 PM

🤔 i see

imma need one of those baby backpacks for you then...

what's it like with multiple peeps?

ua-mar 3:16 PM

......baby backpacks😳?

ua-miruko 3:17 PM

yeah! i can just carry ya quick if ya get too slow!

ua-mar 3:18 PM

Oh.....if you say so 😅 

My limit is about 4 people

ua-miruko 3:19 PM

niceeeeee.....

ua-mar 3:20 PM

I hope I can be a great assistance to you all! 💪

ua-miruko 3:22 PM

im thinkin ya will!!!

hold up yall, suddenly we got a newcomer....

@s-inasa GET IN HERE

s-inasa 3:23 PM

IM SORRY MA'AM

IM TERRIBLY SORRY FOR MY TARDINESS

WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN

ua-miruko 3:23 PM

BETTER NOT OR I'LL KICK YA ASS

s-inasa 3:24 PM

YES MA'AM!

ua-miruko 3:25 PM

AWESOME

ua-todoroki 3:25 PM

Oh...

ua-miruko 3:29 PM

not rly familiar with you either so!! tell me bout yourself when yer ready!

we were talkin some preliminary quirk combo techniques and also discussing how we're gonna do some sparring before the week is through!

s-inasa 3:34 PM

IM YOARASHI INASA, MA'AM, FROM SHIKETSU HIGH!

MY QUIRK IS BEING ABLE TO CONTROL THE WIND! 

ID LOVE TO SPar..

Todoroki...!

ua-miruko 3:35 PM

THE WIND, HUH 👀

... yall know each other?

s-inasa 3:38 PM

We...do.

ua-todoroki 3:38 PM

Yeah.

Hi.

ua-miruko 3:38 PM

....uh? why yall so awkward all of a sudden lol

ua-todoroki 3:38 PM

:/...

ua-miruko 3:38 PM

yall got bad blood or something?

ua-todoroki 3:39 PM

It's kind of complicated.

s-inasa 3:39 PM

...very complicated.

ua-todoroki 3:39 PM

It's ok.

Hopefully this will help.

ua-miruko 3:39 PM

...right

listen, yall can talk it out if you want or leave it at the door but i'm telling yall now, i dont care for anything getting in the way of this lol

s-inasa 3:40 PM

It..wont interfere, ma'am!

ua-miruko 3:40 PM

better not 😌

cuz if it does yall are cleaning toilets instead

s-inasa 3:41 PM

NOTHING WILL GET IN THE WAY MA'AM!!

ua-miruko 3:43 PM

good to hear!!

OH SHIT so if you're a windy boy, that means... you can do a lot of flinging, huh 👀

s-inasa 3:44 PM

I can make anyone fly ma'am! And make tornadoes!

I control currents too!

ua-miruko 3:44 PM

PERFECT

aiight so torpedo, yer gonna be makin powerdrill fly a LOT

you'll be helping me get some air too, i bet 😤 NICE

s-inasa 3:46 PM

Anything you say ma'am!

ua-miruko 3:47 PM

nice........with enough air we can use that shit to break through  into any building, heh...

oh FUCK YEAH we gon do some DAMAGE

ua-todoroki 3:49 PM

We can also combine our quirks well.

ua-miruko 3:50 PM

yeah!!!

want as many combos as we can get in here!

make sure each of ya practice with the power up princess too, s'gonna feel weird

suddenly doin your thang with a big ol boost all of a sudden

ua-mar 3:51 PM

Wow! Everyone is so impressive! 😯

ILL TRY MY HARDEST MIRUKO 😤👍

ua-miruko 3:52 PM

💪 😤

ua-mar 4:07 PM

Oh! Miruko Sensei! Forgive me for asking this late, but what kind of training will you put us through?

ua-miruko 4:08 PM

eh...we'll see as we go along but it'll be the general shit... weight training, quirk training... might be a surprise but i do a lot of covert shit

so yall will get a nice lil crash course on that as well

get familiar with all the protocol of doin more public patrols versus shit like stake-outs

....LOTS of beating people up tho

arrests and shit!! it'll be exciting!

if you can keep up, heh

ua-mar 4:13 PM

Oh! I see! I was asking to see the difference in Japanese internships and American internships!! So we’ll cover the whole lot? That is exciting!

ua-miruko 4:13 PM

pretty much lol

ua-mar 4:13 PM

And I may be slow ,  but it’s too soon to be underestimating 😏

ua-miruko 4:14 PM

😤 good!

ua-miruko 9:16 PM

... OI nearly forgot

when yall stop by, go get yourselves situated with the staff, they'll get you all set up at the agency

give you ID cards and all the shits

those cards will give ya access to my agency whenever ya want!! you'll love it, i got a gym set up and EVERYTHING

so feel free to hang out whenever ya want 👀

ua-todoroki 9:22 PM

Oh... That's cool.

ua-miruko 9:22 PM

yeah!! got a fun lounge too, super fuckin tricked out

s-inasa 9:23 PM

A gym?? Great!

ua-mar 9:24 PM

Tricked out , huh? 😯🤔

ua-miruko 9:24 PM

i expect yall in there a bunch 👀

MHM.....got a TV and a bar and the works!!

.....yall cant go into the bar 😡😡😡

ua-mar 9:28 PM

Ack! Miruko Sensei! You can trust us that we won’t trespass into certain areas and focus on our main objective! 😅

ua-miruko 9:29 PM

yeah you better 😡 😤 listen i like a good party too, but we save partying for AFTER we beat the bad guy

s-inasa 9:29 PM

DOES THE BAR HAVE PROTEIN SHAKES

ua-miruko 9:31 PM

BITCH WHO DO YOU THINK I AM

OF COURSE

ua-mar 9:35 PM

So we can go near the bar, but only for protein drinks?

ua-miruko 9:35 PM

... YEAH!!!

s-inasa 9:35 PM

YEAH!

ua-mar 9:44 PM

Understood then! Protein drink are the only exception! If you don’t mind me asking, is there anything you recommend we work on specifically? Any skills that can be learned from you 🤔 ?

ua-miruko 9:46 PM

good question!! you're real perceptive, i like that 👀 

my style is more close-to-middle range... mostly like to brawl but my PUNCH is PACKIN and my KICK can send fuckers 'cross the country!!!!

so if there's ANYTHING SPECIFIC yall are learnin from me, it's how to kick the shit outta someone LOL

imma make the two of yall who are more used to long range attacks focus more on your bodies while the rest of you work on your OWN power... finding ways to make yourself larger, faster, STRONGER!

🤔  what's also important to me tho... is the environment and the advantages or disadvantages you'll be facing

withstanding the heat, the cold.... dealin with heights and the underground... it's all shit i deal with regularly

yall are probably gonna end up everywhere but underwater lol

ua-mar 9:55 PM

Hmmm. Intriguing. You are certainly strong and intense when it comes to an all out brawl. And I’m guessing you’re just as swift and agile making you quite the one not to provoke at all. With you’re ranking, your skills and experience must be incredibly well rounded and fluid 🤔 

I trust that you will indeed make us more stronger ☺️!

I only ask that you absolutely don’t hold back and don’t underestimate us! 💪

ua-miruko 10:06 PM

hold back? nahhhhhh...

the goal here is to have yall beggin for mercy... 😈

ua-mar 10:12 PM

Oh goodie!~ Well we hope to learn and apply the same 😇! Only from the best! Once again, it’s an honor that to intern with you Miruko Sensei ☺️!

ua-miruko 10:14 PM

you too, kid!

ua-todoroki 10:18 PM

Good luck with that.

[hugsfromdad]

Hey kids,

How is everyone?

It's been a long time since I've done a check-in post and I've recently been feeling a real need to reconnect with all of you on here.

TLDR: my life is really busy and crazy and theater hasn't been good for me but I'm surviving. I miss y'all sm and want to hear from you. Whether it's anon, message, comment, or reblog. I have next to no freetime rn, but i really want to reconnect and am gonna try my best to be present on here more.💗

My life update: I've been so enjoying not being on instagram and just focusing on myself, healing and growing, and the few real relationships I have outside of social media. However, it's been hard cause I realized just how few close friends i actually have and the desperate need I have for friends who live nearby me. My two current best friends live 3.5 hours away, and in Colorado... So not someone i can hit up to have supper with and get a hug from when im having a tough day. And ive been having quite a few of those recently.

Joining theater has been...an experience. My mum has helped me to realize that i joined this production with expectations of making new friends.... Those expectations, as low as i thought they were, were wrong. It's like being in a ridiculously intense class with kids who already all know each other. It's not a clique, and I'm not being excluded, but it's like trying to break into a world where i dont even speak their language, and I'm still deciding if i really even want to.

I've been spending 3-4 days a week, 3hrs+ (sometimes 10hrs) per day with these people, for now 2 months--and I still dont know more than 3ish facts about the majority of them. A couple of them i have been able to get closer to-- but only because I found a time outside of practice hours to get to know them.

This has been really difficult for me. A lot about this situation is triggering for me and bringing me back to my bad years when I knew and spent time with a lot of people, but felt really alone and had no friends... So, it gets kind of scary when im already having a bad day and i go to practice. I have to be really careful and intentional of staying on the road when I drive home because my suicidalness kicks back in real strong...yeah, it's that bad. But I'm being careful and open with my mum and therapist about this all.

On good days, I kind of maybe consider doing this again. But in actuality... I dont want to. I'm not really having fun and I don't want to put myself through this again. I dont have a passion for this and I would need some really good, close (location-wise and friendship-wise) friends in my life, and in theater, to be able to enjoy doing this again.

So yeah... That's THAT whole situation. I'm counting the days til it's over... 20. Closing night is on my birthday... Best present I could get. I really just want to have my life back from this. And i hate that I'm good at it and so the people there assume im having fun and gonna want to do this again.. And, worst of all assumptions; that im carefree and happy-- lol.

So thats pretty unfortunate, but I'm at least getting another really good learning experience, and I cannot tell yall how fucking proud of myself i am for doing this. This is a big deal and I threw myself in the deep end and it turns out im actually good at swimming--even if I dont like it.

When it comes to my personal life (what's that?) It boils down to: I need friends. I'm trying to find people close in location to me... But, because my soul is currently owned by the theater, I cant do much at all. I am trying tho.

I tried a few dating apps... Oof. Ew no. I hate dating apps and I hated every moment on there. Not finding people really and its pretty sucky, but my therapist keeps reminding me that it's not me, it's my difficult situations throughout life that's kept me from finding people to date. There was one person I matched with who I was talking to for a bit, but then they havent replied to me for 2 days now, so im hoping everything is okay, but I'm kinda used to being ghosted at this point. Ill finding someone tho. Its gotta happen.

I'm pursuing my transition more-- hopefully I'll be starting testosterone soon and I'm looking into surgeons now and saving my money with a mindset towards top surgery within a year... We'll see. But its super exciting. My theater director (who is really bipolar and freaks me out some, but seems to adore me) put a stubble beard on me with makeup yesterday cause I had mentioned wanting a beard once i got on testosterone. It nearly made me cry and I couldnt stop smiling. I wore it home and hated taking it off before bed. I really really want a beard and im so fucking close, it's giving me strength.

My music and writing and painting and all other things have come to a screeching halt since starting theater, but i have a ton of inspiration that's built up over the past couple months that I'm super excited to unleash it the moment I'm free of this commitment. Im already working on a musical about this whole experience joining theater that I think would be really good. And I really want to finish my books and get them out there. We shall see what happens.

I love you all so much and my heart constantly goes out to you all and all of your experiences and struggles. I want to be here with you and laugh and cry, morn and celebrate together. Hopefully more of the good, tho.

Please feel free to reach out to me, even though I haven't been active at all on here. Message/anon me about your life, or questions, updates, celebrations, jokes, good pickup lines for me to use on my best friend as soon as his cruise is over and I can spam him again (holy shit I miss him so much @jamesboii please come home soon). Or like just reach out and say hello-- it might take me a day to reply, but i will.

Love y'all so much, sorry for this long blurp about my life. But i just wanted to post something and try to reconnect.

What do y'all want to see me posting? Im down to try new things. ✌

Sending hugs and love,

💕-dad

[autisticmob]

OH i had a BLESSED experience in my drawing critique on monday

so my drawing is up for critique and everyone seems to be addressing me directly, like, “I like how you did xyz,” “your [blank] technique is really [redacted],” etc. and im like phew good pattern, no room for gendered pronouns

then my teacher is like “yeah i agree, i think she-” and i just feel Bad because like, yeah obviously im used to it and tbh im not gonna say anything like yeah he KNOWS about my pronouns and all but really its not worth the trouble and blah blah blah until. i remember. there is another person in this particular class who goes by they/them pronouns. and they raise their hand and correct the teacher really politely but like, sternly, and i’m just like.... “O-oh yeah sir remember we both go by they/them.” and hes just like uhhh oh yeah sorry and moves on and we dont really say anything else except like

after class they find me in the hallway like “HEY IVE HAD PEOPLE GET MAD AT ME FOR CORRECTING THEM ON MY PRONOUNS BEFORE SO LIKE I HOPE IT WAS OKAY THAT I CORRECTED HIM AAH” and i was like “OMG NO ITS OKAY!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE, YOUR VERY PRESENCE IN THIS CLASS IS MORE COMFORTING THAN YOU CAN POSSIBLY FUCKING KNOW” and we just kinda mutually gush Weird Gender Shit at each other for a few minute before they grab their backpack to leave, and then they just turn back to me with this look of like excitement and confidence like “this... is a THEYborhood...” 

and then we did some awkward queer fingerguns and went our separate ways and it was kind of a dumb and awkward social interaction altogether but holy shit yall encountering other like. OPENLY nb people in the “real world” like, outside of designated pride events?? is SO good, and healing, 

and thats why TL;DR i just want you to know that if you’re out as nb irl, it’s easy to feel like a burden or like you’re being unreasonable trying to get people to respect your pronouns and identity, but REAL TALK you are doing the lords FUCKING work and i am so glad you’re out there just, like. Existing.

[ladyvivienneloyola]

Challenge #6

Alternately Titled: Last Night

((a/n: hello hello hello, hopefully I’m not late to the party right now. LOL. Anywhos, I had a jampacked few days lately and well I just managed to finish this now. My arms feel like jelly from all this typing  but anyway, hopefully you guys would like this. As always I’d like to thank the wonderful people who RPed with me for this challenge @opheliagardinier and @benjaminschreave and also YALL there’s supposed to be another fic in between my challenges but again, I was just kinda too busy with personal stuff to write both things on time. The fic shall come soon I hope. also shout out to everyone for writing bomb ass fics!!!  THEY WERE SO GOOD AND IT MADE ME NERVOUS WITH MINE LOOOOOOL. Anyway that’s it for now. Hope you guys like it and again a warning for swearing cause lol, what would you expect from Viv?))

Confession time and here’s what I got, I was really getting tired from all this standing during this ball. Guess you could say that I couldn’t really stand here anymore. There were a few tables and all but most of the ballroom was basically full of those cocktail tables that left most of us standing. Thankfully the ball was soon dying down, or at least I think it was going to after the toast the king and queen were about to give so I was willing to stay a little longer before crashing in my room and giving my feet sweet relief from the shoes I was wearing.

I was pretty stuffed after eating some cake with Fee, but somehow I guessed that I still had a little room for drinks when she handed me the flute of champagne from a passing waiter.

“More alcohol, excellent.” she smiles as I accept the glass and press it to my lips as I return her amusement.

“You know I’m starting to like balls even more now.”

Fee somehow snorts at the comment, and I choose not to react to the probably poor taste in words for the sake that I was not too excited to really start an argument.

“You and me both, Viv.” I watch as she takes a sip from her glass, and knowing that she was the alcohol expert between us, her comment and the way she held the glass close to her was interesting to say the least. “Hm, interesting choice.”

I follow suit, taking a sip from the champagne to see why Fee would react in such a way to the drink, noting the bitter after taste that the champagne leaves on my tongue. “Why?”

“Tastes like the regular shit rich people drink at these kinds of stuff.” From everything I’ve ever tasted here in this palace, most of the drinks I’ve tasted have always left a similar aftertaste, most alcohol tasted like shit anyway.

The wine connoisseur leans a little towards me and says with a shrug, “Honestly, I would have expected something a bit better.”

“Right.” I take another sip and feel my stomach do a flip, and I’m not talking the good kind when you see your crush with a new hair cut. It must be because the champagne was a more concentrated unit of alcohol but I wanted some confirmation from the expert herself. “Say, would you think this drink has a pretty high alcohol concentration?”

She shakes her head in reply, “No, maybe 12%.”. Fee glances over to me as she adds, “Hey are you okay?”  

That’s when the screams start. I couldn’t tell much since it was as if there was a sudden block on my senses. The nausea hits me again and I place my hand on Fee’s shoulder to try and steady myself.  

I glance over to Fee looking around in confusion and can only watch as she throws her glass of champagne at someone with a gun. Holy fucking shit, wasn’t that a waiter? I only watch as the glass crashes against him, spilling champagne of him as it was soon followed by the sound of a gun discharging.

I instinctively yell over the gunfire. “What did you do that for?” Oh god, what even gave Fee the idea that a fucking champagne glass was going to stop a gun. Who the fuck did she think she was? Chuck Norris in a fucking ball gown? Amidst the adrenaline that was starting to seep into my system, I keel over again.

All I wanted to do was close my eyes and cover my ears, not even sure what had happened with the glass I was drinking. I’m pretty sure it was lost among the sound of the dozen other things crashing to the ground and the smell of gun fire around us. I wanted to curl up and get away from this place, but I keel over again as the sensation of my stomach doing one of those weird flips does it again, and suddenly my chest was getting heavy. I couldn’t breathe, this all felt so wrong. The sound everytime a gun discharged made me jump, at the expense of feeling my limbs get heavier and heavier. Maybe if I just closed my eyes I’ll be fine. This just could be my reaction to all of this. I needed to get a grip of myself.

I feel Fee lean in close to me, her weight only making my bones feel even more like lead than ever. She coughs and I open my eyes and look up and see the red blooming out of Fee’s chest. This was a gunshot wound. Oh fucking hell, I knew this bitch was going to end up getting shot. I scramble for an answer in my mind, to try and remember what first aid measures that were possible if one had gotten shot.

I’m trying to think, I’m thinking, I’m thinking and thinking. But my mind was becoming duller and duller. What I do remember though that the leading cause of death after gun shot wounds is blood lost and I do my best to try and stop the blood flowing out of her shoulder. I use most of my strength to move my hand and press it against the wound. There could be better things to stop it. A cloth, a dress. Thinking. I must think. I must breathe, but I can’t breathe. I could- the nausea hits me again.

“Don’t freak out but we need to get out of here and get you some-” I let out another labored breath before I suddenly feel my legs give out from under me, and try to catch myself before falling fully to the ground. I was not feeling so good, I didn’t want to let whatever was overtaking my bodily functions overpower me. An emergency. This was my emergency. I couldn’t. I can’t. There were probably more people like Fee who needed the medical attention. “Go… find… help…” I manage out as I try to collect myself but the waves hit me more and more and I can’t seem to find anymore strength to hold myself up. Everything hurt, my mind was a blur, and I couldn’t breathe. It feels like I was dying and I might as well have been.

From the corner of my eye, I see Fee in a fruitless effort kneeling down next to me before she falls forward and lets out a cry of pain.

Inutil. I am nothing but useless now. This was not happening, but it is. I don’t know what feels worse now. This

feeling of everything hurting all at once now. I gasp and clutch my chest as I spare everything going around me one last look. Fee’s bloody shoulder, the glass and the other people on the ground. The screaming, the guns, and the royal family nowhere in my line of sight.

This was it. This madness could be the last thing I see. It is a disappointment.

I can only feel the last wave of nausea before I let myself fall,

and fall,

and fall.

 I kept on falling. A part of me knew that I wasn’t dead, because if I was I’d probably be seeing a white light or feeling the flames lick my feet in hell. (I mean, it was only a matter of time until I did get there.) In fact, I only felt this heavy emptiness in my chest that seemed to contrast the oddly weightless feeling of all this. Everything was dark around me as I continued to fall. There were voices I could make out, or at least those were real voices and not ones in my head- but their words were all jumbled and I was left disoriented as ever. I wait for this all to soon end- and I hope to hit the bottom soon. If there was a bottom. 

It was hours of falling until I feel impact of hitting the ground and I seem to open my eyes and gasp. It was bright, so bright but all I couldn’t make out anything else other than the light. Two thoughts immediately come into mind. Oh god, was I really dead- and holy shit, did I actually make it to heaven?

I blink once, blink twice, blink thrice and my vision seems to get a grip of itself. The smell of this place is familiar, and I think to myself… heaven definitely shouldn’t smell like antiseptic. I close my eyes again, try to steady my breath despite feeling like mercury filled my lungs. I bring my hands in front of me and I feel my right hand heavier as I feel like it’s tugging something. An IV.

There was an IV in my hand and I follow the line to see a bag of dextrose hanging over my head. Holy shit, I wasn’t dead. I try to look around again with my eyes finally adjusted to the light, I realize where I am. Of course I’d know what this is, I’ve been in one so many times before. I choke back the feeling that made me sick to my stomach. It was a hospital room. Fuck this shit, I was in a hospital room- and I have no idea why. I push myself up from my bed a I try to find the button that could call a nurse on duty as I try to put together pieces of my memory back together.

The smell of gunfire, the sickly sticky feeling of blood on my palm, the shattering of glass, a bitter taste on my tongue.

I try to remember, but everything I see comes only in bits- and it only takes bits for me to feel a sense of dread that makes me want to scream. As if the universe didn’t want to hear me freak out, a nurse comes in and rushes to me. Immediately, she places her hands on my shoulders to calm me down before I can do anything. Her tone is calm, her eyes are tired- I can tell she’s had a rough time lately. I try to process her words as she sets me back down on my bed as if she’s said her speech a dozen times already- maybe she has. She tells me everything I needed to know, and I hang on to every key detail I needed to know.

Last Night. Attack during the ball. Guns turned on the guest. More than a dozen people dead. None of the Selected died. Poison in the drinks. The drinks. Poison. The thought makes me feel sick to my stomach again.

“We found you in time to pump your stomach and administer the antidote before the poison worked its full effect.”

Her voice sounds cautious as she tells me that. I didn’t even ask what the poison’s full effect was. The look on her face said it all.

The explanation doesn’t make me feel anymore comfortable, but it has helped calm my nerves down enough for the nurse to trust me to be alone before she shortly leaves my room and comes back with a tray of food before a pager seems to beep from her pocket. Just as quickly as she explained everything to me and brought me my food, she seems to rush out before she mentions that the prince had visited me earlier while I was asleep. One weight seems to lift off my chest at that news. At least Ben was okay, at least I know he had managed to become 21 years and 1 day old.

One small relief. Another 99 more worries to tackle later. Another problem has to do with the rumbling of my stomach and I uncover my food to find a bowl of porridge.

I sigh. What was I expecting? You don’t exactly serve someone who just got poisoned and got their stomach pumped a michelin-star worthy dish. I pick up my spoon, contented with what was in front of me and try to get some food in me.

Eating was going to be harder than I thought. At the first spoonful of porridge, my mind seems to play a trick on me and imagine the same bitter taste of the champagne I had drank last night.

The thought makes me want to vomit again as I pick up the cover of the tray and end up spitting out the porridge and feel the non-existent food in my stomach try to climb up my throat again. I shut my eyes and start to feel myself tear up as a similar nauseous feeling returns.

I take a few breaths and try to calm myself down. The food’s not poisoned. There is no poison in this food. You will not black out again.

This happens several times over and over again, all with the same results. At the taste of food, the bitter taste on my tongue returns. I spit it out, and the nauseous pit in my stomach grows even more dizzying. Come on. Food. It’s just food.

It happens even more, with more attempts to tell myself that I could do it- but I can’t seem to convince myself that the porridge has the same bitter taste as the champagne does. My body seems convinced that it wants to reject whatever food I try to take in. I wanted to cry. I hated this, I’ve never felt any hungrier, I’ve never felt anymore pitiful than this moment, but I was tired too. I push the tray and table away from me as I settle with grabbing the glass of water set beside my table.

The first sip was just as bad as the first spoonful of porridge, but after feeling so nauseous these past few minutes- I’ve seemed to at least gotten used to it and managed to drink a glass. Hopefully a glass would get me by as I allowed myself to lay back down and close my eyes. Sleep could distract me from how hungry and nauseous I felt at the same time.

I should have stayed awake instead.

Unlike the last time I was unconscious, my new knowledge of the attack seems to only create a nightmarish version of the events that had happened last night, or rather my own last night.

Everything is the same at first, I’m in the same red dress, I’m with the same people- I bring Ben his surprise happy meal. But when everyone is preparing for the toast, the madness I remember so easily returns. It begins with a glass crashing to the ground as a bullet flies to the king on stage, the monarch instantly falling down before everyone starts to panic as bodies drop one by one. In this version, I only feel worse with the knowledge of my ingestion of poison but instead of collapsing- I am frozen instead. My muscles tense all at once as I watch everyone around me either collapse from the poisoned drinks or fall victim to the flurry of bullets flying from the guns of people that looked like the waiter last night. I see everyone I knew from the palace run in terror, pushing past each other in their panic.

While I’m still standing beside Fee as I watch her shoulder get shot and see her fall to ground with no one to support her. She calls out my name to help her, but I was powerless, my muscles frozen as I watched in my own terror more injuries. I wanted to grab her and drag her out of here, or at least use anything to stop the bleeding. I take my eyes away from her, not willing to see someone I personally knew bleed out. The poison doesn’t seem to take away my voice, and my voice joins the many yelling for help. There’s yelling, so much yelling that it makes my head hurt as I try to search through my meager line of sight. I look for Ben, and for a second, I can imagine hearing his voice, his usually calm voice yell out something before he seems to be cut off.

I can’t even turn around to see what happens to him before I feel the sharpest of pain in my abdomen, and my body feels heavier on one shoulder- as if a weight was on it and I’m suddenly falling again, only this time I quickly hit the ground.

For the second time, I gasp awake with my throat dry at what I had just saw. I try to tell myself that I was fine, the things I saw in that dream weren’t real- but the world feels topsy turvy and the room suddenly smells like roses. I blink a few times to make sure I was out of that dream- only to feel a hand on my shoulder and look up to see Ben standing by my bedside- his features a little blurry in my vision as I try to greet him.

“Hey Ben.” I lift one hand up to place my hand over his. Yeap, he was real.

He seems to greet me with a frown as takes a seat on the edge of my bed. “Hey. Bad dreams?”

I try to push myself up from my bed to sit up. Bad dream was an understatement, I thought as I push some hair out of my face- feeling that I had broken a cold sweat while dreaming. I try to shake the unease off. It was just a dream.

“No, I was just… resting my eyes.” I try to be as funny as I tried to make myself be, maybe it would help convince me that everything was alright again.

“Apparently, whatever they're giving me includes a pretty heavy sedative.” I add as I lift up my hand with the IV on it and blink again- my vision finally clearing up for me to really see Ben’s face and I feel something in my chest drop at the sight of a huge bruise on his cheek, and I reach over to tilt his chin to see a few more blooming on his jaw and smaller ones on his face. My brows furrow, “What happened to you?”

“I got bruised.” He attempts to add a teasing tone to his voice and smile, but all I could catch was how dead tired he was.

“Yes Ben, I can obviously see the bruising.” I avoid making a poorly thought out bruised Benana joke as I push his face away and roll my eyes at him trying to be cheeky at a time like this. “I didn’t see what had happened to you last night. Are you okay?”

Ben nods once with a simple, “Better shape than you all.” before he presses his lips together and he seems to give me a closer look. “I’m sorry this happened to you.”

“Don't give it too much thought.” I try to shrug it off. Everything heals eventually. Heart attacks, kidney failures, even poison. Despite how heavy my body feels, I try to push myself to act less weak than I felt. Perhaps that would convince me that I was better and not poisoned. I am healthy. I am healthy. Mhmmm, yes, that’s the spirit. “Probably is the most action I’ll ever see happening during a ball.”

I’m so good at being positive. Wow. I’m positive that was the worst comeback ever. The guy’s birthday was ruined by a goddamn attack and people died- and you’re here mentally complaining about being slipped poison into your champagne. Stop making this about yourself, for christ’s sake.

“Sorry to hear that this happened to you.” I sigh at the thought, as I try to sympathize with what he could have possibly experienced. I wish those bruises on his face could tell me the story of what happened to him.

Ben sighs too, “You shouldn’t... What happened to isn’t minor. Not that I want to see you upset, but it’s okay to admit you are. Especially to me.”

I blink as I try to mull over his words. They were the words I wanted to tell him too. “What about you?” Sitting up was tiring as ever so I leaned back against my bed, but manage to find his hand as I continue. “If I tell you how I really feel, will you stop putting on this put together shtick and tell me how you really feel?”

He seems to pause before he starts to nod slowly.

“An eye for an eye.” a small tired chuckle escapes him, and I’d frown too if his laughter weren’t that infectious.

A chuckle escapes me too at his humor before I try to sober my expression and ready myself to tell him how I felt.

“I've never felt worst in my life.” I curl my lips in before continuing that thought. Sharing your feelings sucked. “I don't like being on this side of the hospital bed, Ben, and I hate how I wasn't able to help out when there was an opportunity for me to help out during an emergency.” I huff out a breath, feeling most of the things I worried about earlier come crashing down on me.

There’s a moment of silence as I watch him, his eyes somehow analyzing what I had said. Then I feel his hand take my own and squeezing it once he says with a hesitant expression, “Can I help you move side?” 

I can’t help but let out a small laugh at his offer, shaking my head as I try to explain what I truly meant by that.

“I meant I don't like being the person in the hospital bed. I was typically the one sitting on the bedside waiting for my dad to get better.” It wasn’t too long ago I was sitting on the edge of my father’s bed as I tried to nurse him back to health after his last accident. The memory pulls the corners of my mouth down before I add, “ I always made sure I was in tip top shape and avoid being in this particular position.”

It was true. I have never been admitted to the hospital in my life. There goes my perfect health record.

“This particular time couldn’t be helped, though. Don’t... don’t feel bad for something that was out of your control.”

It’s my turn to consider his advice. “I'm trying not to. The keyword is trying.” I pout at the thought as I swipe my thumb over the back of his hand, and allowing myself to glance at our hands momentarily. I knew how I felt, or at least I guessed I did- but Ben as always was this little mystery I try to figure out everytime something happens to him. All I know is that at a time like this, it was best to just try to comfort a person. That what I needed on the early days after the accident.

“Neither should you. On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your stress levels at the moment?”

“12.” Ben answers without even taking a second to think about it before it left his mouth, but now he winces as he adds. “That sounds bad.”

My eyebrows shoot up at the lack of hesitation with his answer, but I shake my head at the out of scale number.

“Bad, but definitely understandable. You of all people would be pretty stressed about what happened.”

He runs his hand over his face as sighs again with a nod. “More than you know.”

“Do you want me to know? Or are you going to just try and bear it all without telling people about it?” I ask him, though I’m more than curious of what was going on in his head. A part of me needed to know more about Ben, somehow to connect to him and make sure that I wasn’t the only one who experienced problems.

“You sure you want to be burdened with my many problems?” He makes an attempt to smile at me again, and I lean forward closer to him and shrug my shoulders.

“I’ve got tons of them, what’s a few more?” I smirk back at him.

He seems to take my smirk as a go signal as he start to explain things.

“I guess... I don’t know where to start. Making sure you’re all okay, dealing with this politically, publically, figuring who exactly did this and why, the future of the Selection.” The thought of the future of this Selection makes my throat even drier than it is- but I let the thought go as I watch his shoulder slump a little but a corner of his mouth tilt up. “Apparently, I do know where to start. And the list only goes on.”

I reach over to put my hand on his shoulder, “See? Was that so hard?” I shake my head a little as I continued. “It's good that it seems you've got your priorities straight but I think you're missing something.”

“I just-well I don’t want any of you worrying about what you don’t have to. Not after all this.” He explains and briefly pauses before he tilts his head. “Missing what?”

“You know fully well that us, girls especially, worry about everything.” I joke with a smirk before I answer his question. “And what you're missing is one really important detail: Checking if you are okay.” I poke his chest with my free hand. “When was the last time you gave yourself a break?”

“Uh, Gabby made me take a nap this afternoon if that counts. Still need to check on a couple more girls before I head to an actual bed.” He retaliates by poking my arm back as I bobble my head in consideration with the nap.

“Okay the nap counts, but be careful- your eye bags are looking pretty heavy right now.” I reach over to swipe my thumb under his eye for the effect. “Looks like you’re in need of some beauty sleep, stud.”

“My studness lacking today?”

“A lot, but maybe it’s because you’re older now.” I snort out a small laugh. “Poor you not aging gracefully. The potency of your studness wearing off.”

He scoffs a laugh, “And the only way to regain it is with beauty sleep right? Return to my youthful radiance?”

“Mhmmm, that seems to be the only cure for the way you're aging. Oh wait,” I point to his hair jokingly, “Is that a gray hair I spot?”

His eyes narrow, his eyes playfully glaring at me. “A trick of the light. My hair is thick, and brown, and grayless.”

“Are you sure?” I lift an eyebrow in return as I reach over to run a hand through his hair and immediately find a silver strand in his hair. “AHA! I found a gray strand.” I smirk at him. “So much for your thick, brown, and grayless hair, stud.”

He maintains his glare, “Liar liar pants on fire.”

“Don’t believe me? Fine.” I reach over again to pluck the gray strand I had seen earlier, a small ow coming from Ben before I show it to him. “Proof of my utmost honesty, your highness.”

Ben blinks at the strand I hold before him a few times before his eyes widen, “Oh my God.”

A loud laugh escapes me, “I’m not a liar, Ben. I’m a complete…” Shit. What’s the opposite of liar? “truther.”

Fuck that was not a real word.

He laughs loudly at my use of such an amazing word. “I’m in the presence of a true scholar.”

I scrunch up my nose as the words leave my mouth without a second thought, “I feel like whatever was in that drink has decreased my brain function a little.”

I had the poor taste to even laugh at that joke before Ben’s face falls flat.

“That’s not funny.” He admonishes me and I feel my stomach twist at that look on his face and a twinge of guilt at the stupid joke. It wasn’t really a good time to joke about getting poisoned, Viv.

“I know.” I sigh, “I shouldn’t have said that.”

I see him stare at me a little before his face goes into a grimace. “That… came out harsher than I meant. I’m sorry.” he says before he reaches for my hand again and squeezes it lightly. Leave it to him to apologize for berating me when I did something wrong.

I squeeze his hand back as I shake my head. Not the best joke, and this time I understood his point.

“No, I understand. I have to watch what comes out of my mouth now,” I click my tongue, “be a little more sensitive.”

Ben bobbles his head, “Usually yes. Especially now, and probably indefinitely.”

“Right, I'll be sure to put a filter on it.” I sigh again at the thought of having to really put a filter on my words, politeness was never my forte. “That’s gonna be a walk in the park.”

“Considering it’s been part of your lessons, it should technically be easy.” He manages out an amused smile.

“Easy. Sure, avoiding making side comments during lessons sure is easy.” I add a little sarcasm before I snort out a small laugh. “How does one avoid using sarcasm when they were born to be sarcastic?”

Suddenly, I feel Ben put both of his hands on the sides of my face, turning it to his direction and brings it close to his as he gives me this intensely serious look. “No Idea, But I believe in you.”

The lilt in his voice seems to betray his serious portrayal, making me realize he was only joking- but I wish you could tell my heart that. I suddenly feel my face flush at the sudden closeness between our faces- and my embarrassment only worsens when the heart monitor connected to me seems to be beeping uncontrollably as I try to manage a few words out.

“I’m trying okay?” I lean my forehead against his and move my free hand to rest it on the back of his neck. “Turns out that being nice to people isn’t that bad at all.”

Surprise, I’m not as bad a bitch as I thought I was.

Ben raises both his eyebrows, “Are you saying you’ve been nice to me? Because I don’t really remember that.”

“Then it seems like your memory is also getting affected by your aging, old man.” I joke.

“Or you never actually said it. My memory is superb.” he argues back.

I lean back and scrunch up my nose at him. “I think I’ve been nothing but the nicest person to you.” I chuckle at the thought.

Aside from my initial thoughts and expression to him at the beginning of this Selection- I think was a pretty decent human being towards him.

“Besides the happy meal and intelligence comment I can’t say you have.” he smirks at me knowingly and I glance to the side guiltily, because yeah… maybe those were the only stand out moments of my kindness but he should know all the things I held back from saying. That’s part of being nice, right?

“What? Would you want me to completely lose my prickliness? I thought you liked that characteristic.”

“Oh I do, believe me. But it’s also nice to hear how much you like my hair every once in a while.” He grins at me and I roll my eyes before indulging him with a smile and reach over to run my hand through his luscious locks.

“I think you have the loveliest almost-grayless chocolate brown hair.” I say before I give him a flat look, hoping he’s satisfied by the compliment.

An eye-crinkling smile appears on his face, “Aw, you think so? How nice of you to say so out of the blue.”

“You know what us nice people do, we just love to compliment people spontaneously.” I say non-chalantly before I smirk. “Particularly for studs like you.”

“Mmm, what else you got?”

I scoff at him trying to push me even more, but it only fuels me to use my most patronizing tone.

“You put the sun to shame whenever you smile, and” I pause before dramatically speaking as I glide my hand up his jaw, “Oh-my-god, This could just cut.”

I notice his smile, it was softer than usual as he replies, “So I’ve been told. That and my cheekbones.”

“Hmmm,” I reach up to poke his cheekbones and I jokingly flinch at little. “Ow! It’s most definitely sharp.” I grin one last time before I pull my hand away from him , musing at the one thing I realized I liked about him.

“I like your hands.” I blurt out and that sounded way too sincere to sound like my last few jokes, but I roll my eyes and throw whatever sense of dignity I had as I continued my thought. “They’re always warm when I hold them.”

His hands immediately take both of mine, his thumbs brushing across the back of them. “I run very hot, I’m a walking furnace.”

I resist the urge to snort before I look down at both of our hands, I was right- he had warm hands. “Mhmmm, because you’re just so hot.” I look back up at him with a smirk, picking up where I left off with my jokes. “The hottest prince around.”

Well, unless you count Prince Zuko from Avatar, but he wasn’t real.

Ben lets out a short laugh, “You flirt like you were born to do it.”

“Oh you know it's part of my charms- definitely a full proof tactic in winning you over.” I tilt my head a little with a smirk.

“And you’re so sure winning me over is working out?” He asks, and something hits me again.

It’s that small pang of jealousy and insecurity you feel whenever you’re being compared to another person, only this time, it was me comparing myself again to all the other girls who remained in the Selection.

“I can only really do so much.” I lift a shoulder, “You tell me.” I briefly answer before letting out a laugh. For now, I wasn’t quite sure I could compare to the remaining girls.

He smiles at me as his hands squeeze mine again, “I’d say so.”

I return his smile as I brush my thumb on the back of one of his hands, “Keep doing what I’m doing then?”

“Times ten. Plus the compliments.” He gives me a cheeky grin. “Please.”

I bobble my head as I go along and mimic his cheeky tone, “If you insist, stud. Flirting, unli-compliments, trying to be nice... all of those are duly noted.”

“I’ll be sure to remind you in case you forget.” He says before he leans in and quickly gives me a kiss, a smile forming on my lips as I instinctively put a hand on the side of his face before I lean back.

“Busy day today?”

“Enormously. I don’t see it becoming less busy any time soon either.” A small sigh escapes him, and I start to feel his own tiredness. I feel a frown curl on my lips before I find his hand and give it a squeeze.

“A wise old man once said this to me ... five minutes ago... “ I pause before I echo his words back to him, only this time in a more sincere way. “But I believe in you, you can get through all of this.”

A soft smile appears on his face. “Let’s hope its that easy, Sparrow.”

“Come on, you can be a little more positive than that.” I tilt my head and give him an encouraging soft smile. I’ve never heard him be like that before.

He shrugs, “I can. But for a moment it’s easier to be realistic than positive.”

My brows knit together at his shrug, and it’s odd to see him sound this way before. I know the past few days have been rough for him, but I didn’t want his spirit to break any time soon. Having gone through day like his before, I somehow muster up the words I wish someone told me years ago.

“Life is tough, I think the two of us are very familiar with that fact.” I then bring my hands to hold both sides of his face as I look at him intensely, trying to convey every word sincerely “You're tougher, though. This, like every struggle, will pass.”

Life is tough, but I’m tougher. Life is harsh, but I can be harsher. I wish I didn’t have to learn those things the hard way.

Ben only stares at me for a moment, his brows knitted before he nods slightly and quietly thanks me- his eyes not leaving mine just yet. I can only hold his gaze as we let the quiet sink in between us. I meant every word I said- and maybe I said those words out loud just to remind myself of that too.

I brush his cheek a little before I make a small remark.

“How’s that for a compliment huh?” I crack a small smile before I lean in and bring his face close to mine, kissing him softly. I felt like I needed this, this kind of contact with him right now and I’m pretty sure a bunch of other girls have attempted, have, or will kiss him today- honestly that’s their business, but for now, Ben was with me and goddamnit I wanted to kiss him. I had no idea why, or I’d rather not admit the reason why just yet. I can feel him smile as he kisses me back, his hand putting itself lightly on my waist as he leans closer to me, and a part of me hopes that he’s kissing me too for the exact same reason why I wanted to. I liked Ben. What a surprise, right?

I loosen my hold on his face and leave a hand to rest on his cheek before I moved the other to rest on his chest, maneuvering myself closer to him as I kissed him a little longer. I just had that one feeling in my chest that only got warmer when I did, and it felt like his hand holding mine- but better, somehow so much better. Even if I was in the hospital with an IV in one of my hands and I was in a gross hospital gown, this was better. The kiss stays this way a little longer, and I wish it did last longer when he leans back to rest his forehead against mine. I lean my forehead against his, keeping my eyes briefly closed as I calm the small lump I feel in my throat before opening them to look at him.

“Make sure that you’re okay too, Ben.”

He presses his lips together before he nods, “Alright.” he gives me a smile, and I try to be reassured that he would take care of himself.

I pull away from him slightly and give him a quick kiss on his cheek, careful to avoid his bruise. “You may want to do some warm compress if you want this,” I lightly tap the bruise on his cheek as I smile back at him, “to disappear soon.”

“Eh,” he leans back and stands from my bed. “Makes me look tough.” he says with a grin.

I can only smirk up at him before I lean back on my bed. “You’re already tough, I think I’ve made that very clear.”

Ben snickers before remarking, “Then the look stays.” I roll my eyes a little before he leans down and I feel him kiss the top of my head. “Sleep well.”

I turn to my side but continue to look up at him, “And you should take care of yourself. Don't make me get out of this bed just to hunt you down and make sure you've eaten.”

Wow, yeah Viv- you could definitely hunt people down for not eating. You’re totally not a hypocrite~

The corner of his mouth turns up as I watch him start walking to the door, “I’ll even set alarms just to indulge you.”

“How sweet of you, Ben.” I laugh, “I’ll see you later?”

He nods at me with a grin over his shoulder as he opens the door to my room. “Be on the look out for a slightly less tough prince.”

Again, my mouth runs faster than my brain.

“Oh, so I’m gonna be seeing Wyatt around then?” I lift an eyebrow as I grin back teasingly at him, hoping he doesn’t take any offense that I maaaay have slightly insulted his brother.

“Kidding, I don't actually know your brother.” I try to save myself before snorting out a laugh. “Bye Ben.”

Ben seems to get my humor as a loud short laugh escapes him. “I’m telling him you said that.”

And like that he gives me one last grin before disappearing behind the closed door of my room and I close my eyes, momentarily forgetting everything just for a while. All of that talking and interacting with Ben was more tiring than I thought. It was worth it though, but there were things that still unsettled me from last night. I still felt as useless as the moments I was keeling over with nausea in the ballroom. I suppose there were some things I’d have to do to make up for it.

[theythemsam]

spn 11x09, liveblog, collected posts (all 18 of them) or as i like to call it: ahhhhhhhhhhhh, cage time... Also Amara is aesthetic af, but like any other bearer of the mark (except Cain) seems to have forgotten what consent is.

tw discussions of rape bc Oh, Sam, we’re really in it now.

Oh Damn the fountain running with blood is So Sexy

#Amara has a lot of aesthetic #i hate her just murdering a bunch of people for no real reason but Oh Well

  Sam is in the cage! SAM IS IN THE CAGE!

#fuck yeah hell yeah fuck yessssssss

 The fear on his face and the way it… changes when Lucifer touches him, because this is real, this is real, this is real and he feels calm despite it being Lucifer, the creature that tortured him for hundreds of years… Oh I love this

#also the burning bush a+++++

 “In the vision Lucifer… touches me. And I feel calm, like things will be alright.” Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

#holy shit yall I am in angst heaven rn #also the way they say touching is…. Ufff #especially considering the fact that past rape is deffo implied in their relationship #and that change… that Lucifer’s touch now brings calm and not terror and pain??? I am… overwhelmed

  Also uhhh not saying its dark ship timeTM, but both Sam and Dean being preyed on by supernatural forces so much stronger than them and being intimately touched by them… Oh The Angst

#i need some fanfic that explores deans messed up feelings towards the darkness bc whats happening between those two also isn’t consensual and its creepy af #and if its compared to sams Lucifer storyline even better!

 I hate Mark as a person and Lucifer as a character, but the evil little smirk… YESSSSS

 Dean being able to feel Amara is really nice, but also sooooo creepy!

#like Jensen plays it so well he looks so confused and scared

 Amara is being waaaay too touchy with Dean

#its creepy!!!

 Rowena is waaaay too excited about Lucifer… She better not hurt Sam!

 Lucifer just roasting Crowley asdfgh

#i hate him but I also hate Crowley so that’s nice

 Aaand it’s torture/rape joke time!

#hug it out? FUCK YOU!

 Rowena thirsting about Lucifer is disgusting af

 But honestly, I love the parallelism with Dean with Amara (an evil creature that manipulates Dean into having feelings for her) and Sam with Lucifer (an evil creature that manipulated Sam and tortured him). Also the Sam feeling calm when he’s with Lucifer and Dean feeling bliss when he’s with Amara

#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHh #and of course the entire rapey touchy stuff fits for both of them this season

 “You need a vessel.” “One who’s strong enough to hold me, handy and available now.”

AHHHHHHHHHHH

#his wink makes it even worse

 “I can’t be resisted.” And then she forces a kiss on him. Hey uh Amara? Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you creepy sexual assaulter!

#rape counter is just rising soooo much this episode #i hope this will be explored as creepy and violation of boundaries but... i am afraid......

 Sam saying no to Lucifer despite everything Is So Sexy

 Sam being back in the cage and trying to stay calm because he remembers his visions, but then Lucifer reveals that it wasn’t God that was giving him those visions and he breaks

#that single man tear #that absolute fear on his face #also the return of Lucifer being always creepily obsessed with Sam ohhhh my god I love it

 And of course they end the episode on a rape joke! How Great!

#except im a filthy liar here bc I do actually like it #like im physically uncomfortable and kinda afraid of getting triggered but daaaaamn I was waiting so long for this and it is better than I imagined #like honestly it is… so delicious #it would be better if it wasn’t used for drama and jokes but actually explored but Oh Well i know im not gonna get that ahahah #the bunk bed joke obviously had to come back though... Yikes

[victakestaipei]

“Speaking It Into Existence”: A CONCEPT, TURNED REALITY... ((A FREAKIN’ MIRACLE))

Y’ALL - 

Let me start by saying that I’ve been reading this book while on my trip here in Taipei, it’s called “You Are A Badass” by Jen Sincero.. It’s one of those self-help/inspiring books that helps you to unlock your inner badass mofo and be one with the Universe and kick life’s ass (instead of the other way around).... easy enough, right?

-------

Because my laptop was dead as a doornail for half the weekend (since Saturday night), I elected to be productive and actually finish this book that I’ve been lugging around for weeks. 

The book was amazing. I would definitely recommend it to anyone and everyone. You don’t have to be in a dark place to pick it up or anything of the sort... and it’s not overly corny to the point where you cringe as you flip through the pages.... I feel empowered and definitely learned a lot. At first it seems strange/silly to physically say things aloud and “speak them into existence,” But IT WORKS. I am now a firm believer. I even practiced meditating last night before going to sleep, and downloaded a “meditation” playlist on Apple Music to help get me in the groove...

I cried and cried all Saturday night/Sunday because I was panicking about my laptop and all the stresses of having to buy a new one, or trying to figure out how to fix the pink Moscato that flooded my Macbook’s keyboard.. not to mention the thought of having 8 years of memories washed down the toilet... (needless to say I am currently backing up my laptop right now).

Which brings me to this:

MY LAPTOP IS ALIVE. RESURRECTED FROM THE DEAD. A FUCKING MID-SUMMER CHRISTMAS MIRACLE! 

**excuse my French but I’m excited and pumped and at a loss for eloquent words due to sheer disbelief.**

After class today (Monday) I skipped the gym, picked up some food to-go, and headed to the MRT. As I headed to the station I found myself testing out this “theory” I had read about last night.... I started to say things out loud/under my breath like:

“Universe, please please please help me get some answers regarding my laptop,” “regardless of the outcome, I understand that everything happens for a reason, and that we shouldn’t be so incredibly attached to material things, but we both know I cannot afford a new computer right now, and it would be a huge inconvenience for me and where I’m headed”.... “I believe that my computer will come out the other side, fully functional, and I am grateful to you for doing just that,” ... the book I read says that you need to believe in what you’re saying for it to work, to really connect to Source Energy (God) and align yourself with the outcome that you desire.. What you put out into the world (your energy, your thinking, your words), is exactly what the world gives back to you...

A few Taiwanese girls saw me talking to myself like a crazy person but I adjusted my Adidas cap a bit and continued to do so anyway.. After I arrived at the Apple store, I met with the manager, Mel, who put me on the list for a walk-in appointment. I was seen by a Genius Bar specialist (Ivan) within an hour and a half. (sooner than expected...thanks girl!!)

After struggling back in forth in “Chin-glish”, I told Ivan about the possible water damage (hehe) and how for the past two days I’ve had the laptop upside down (to drain), but that it’s still completely unresponsive and still won’t turn on.

He then proceeds to plug in the charger to the outlet, press the power button, AND YALL MY JAW DROPPED TO THE FLOOR!!!

MY COMPUTER POWERED ON. THIS IS CRAZY. I’m over here saying “holy shit” over and over, jaw still chillin’ on the tile floor... to the point where the specialist, Ivan, starts to repeat it with me “Holy Shit!! Holy Shit!!! Holy Shit!!!!” in his thick Taiwanese accent.

We wait a few minutes and log onto the internet and EVERYTHING IS COMPLETELY FUNCTIONAL. I AM IN DISBELIEF. ((I hope my sheer disbelief and shock and reaction is translating and resonating with you all because I’m really over here pressed.))

I will never doubt God and the Universe ever ever again.  Like I said in my last post, He always got my back... and with that, Thank you God, Thank you Ivan, and Thank You Jen Sincero. You a real one.