#HI HELLO I COULD WRITE WHOLE ESSAYS ABOUT THIS SCENE

[innieirving]

like, okay, i'm sure this scene has been talked about and dissected to pieces already in this fandom but. BUT. i need to put my two cents in or i will explode.

so, your lord and best friend has just admitted to you that if you die, he will be so beside himself with grief that he might just die too.

the game then gives you THIS option in response.

and you, the player, know how video games work. you know this is the press x for romance button. you expect henry to admit his feelings—a culmination of all the hints he's dropped from the heart options we've chosen before—and kiss him as soon as the button's been pressed.

except henry doesn't kiss hans.

instead, henry places his hand on hans' hand. it's the first moment of physical contact between them in the whole scene...but it's not a kiss. it's gentle. it's intimate. it's tiptoeing the line between comforting a friend and something more...

...but henry leaves it at that. and he gets up and goes to leave.

and in that moment of panic. in that split second of 'this might be the last time i'll ever see you again, please don't go' — it's hans that kisses henry.

and it's henry who pushes hans away.

this is—for all intents and purposes—the opposite of what we, the player, chose.

and to add insult to injury, henry looks conflicted.

he looks SO conflicted that hans believes he's fucked up royally.

that he has completely tarnished their final moments together by acting on impulse—by giving into temptation and desperation and feelings he can't even put into his own words—and henry must be disgusted by him.

and hans believes this because he watches henry turn his back to him. refusing to look at him. and head for the door.

but henry stops before he opens it. and i keep thinking back to the heart option we chose.

the player is not making the choice for henry to kiss hans. we are not forcing his hand.

the player is reminding henry what he's been telling himself throughout the entire game.

don't run away, henry.

kiss him. kiss him back.

so henry does.

[beanghostprincess]

Usopp obtaining Conqueror's haki makes so much sense to me and I genuinely think he deserves it on Elbaf please please please

[sufferingsokkatash]

THAT famous zukka hug in the atla north and south comic : an essay you did not need, by me.

i was thinking about how, in writing, there should be no accidents or coincidences in how and why something is described, or the detail the writer chooses to use. for example, zuko tapping his hand on his desk would be used to show that he is impatient or anxious about something.

so THEN i decided to apply this to the zukka hug, because why not be delulu about these things idk.

first of all, here are the zukka hug pages for context:

disclaimer: i don’t really know how the fandom feels about the comics. personally i like them, so i will proceed with that bias in mind. also please take this with the humour that is intended, it’s more fun that way.

i go down a sabre tooth moose lion hole below the cut.

this whole scene to me is largely what we all love about atla - humour and good characterisation combined with serious subject matter. king kuei and bosco are the comic relief and oblivious party in the face of quite a complicated issue, as zuko himself acknowledges. this humour then extends to kuei offering zuko the chance to join in on his hug with bosco, which zuko politely refuses. obviously, there is the clear issue of zuko being afraid of being eaten by a bear, but we’ll pretend that ernest hemingway is grading our papers here, okay.

it is a very deliberate writing choice and contrast to have zuko refuse hugs from one person/animal and then immediately and happily accept one from sokka. (see also: sokka running excitedly with a big grin on his face at the bottom of page 17 to greet them, naming zuko first, but remembering that he is a good ambassador to the swt and using their proper titles despite his excitement. more silliness mixed with seriousness. see also, also: HE RAAAAAN!) zuko may be touch averse and not a huggy person, but screw that when it’s sokka who’s offering the hug.

remember there are no accidents in good writing. kuei happily says: hello friends! to which, in both that panel and the next, he is clearly ignored. sokka and zuko are so absorbed in hugging each other that sokka neglects his duties in welcoming them both properly. zuko : 2 swt ambassador role: 0. also ignored is the fact that kuei brought his bear, which would normally be subject to some kind of smartass comment from our boomerang boi, even if he knows he’s obsessed with his pet from the ba sing se episodes.

this could be an actual mistake, but sokka ran towards zuko, who was standing in front of kuei. but in the hug panel, sokka is between them. that means kuei walked all the way around them trying to get their attention, and it still didn’t work. sokka, nor zuko, say a further word to kuei. like exactly how much tunnel vision is there in this, my goddddd.

bosco is protecting kuei and sokka is protecting zuko. could be why they mirrored them and their positions in the hug panel, so not a mistake. a swt person says: protecting foreigners, sokka?! but that is exactly what he does by ignoring the protesters and telling zuko not to worry about them. despite wanting to do his duty to everyone sokka puts zuko first, basically, and doesn’t care about what they all think of him. that’s kind of huge for sokka.

yes, hakoda is injured at this time and yes he’s proud of sokka, but surely as chief he would have gone to meet the earth king and firelord? why did the writers go to so much effort making sure that sokka was there to meet zuko and have them hugging take up a third of an entire page when printing and space in the comics is such a consideration? it is clearly important, y’all.

their faces when they see each other. sokka can’t stop grinning and zuko closes his eyes in relief he’s so happy. enough said.

sokka says: thanks so much for coming! like he doesn’t already know zuko would travel the world just to make him happy or help in what’s important to him. have you forgotten boiling rock, sokka? because that dude you’re wrapped around, acting like he’s been starved of you, sure hasn’t.

this comic is all about nations coming together and traditions being upheld and shared. in other words, marry him sokka. it is in your diplomatic interests to do so.

in utterly insane conclusion:

i am always surprised at how much they made the effort in the writing for this one scene. i don’t see the comics as something that tease ships, they aren’t natla. what i do see is two guys who clearly care about each other, almost to the detriment of their roles and responsibilities, and their relationship was worth the effort taken in the writing and artwork to show that. it is super heckin sweet. does this mean i think zukka is canon or could be? no. maybe did i have fun pretending and overanalyzing every detail? yes.

ps in all seriousness, the answer is that this is about my fav boy and how far he has come in his character growth journey - exhibit a from ‘the avatar returns’ episode:

the end, i am getting blocked and going to jail but it’s okay because zukka is my bosco hug.

[ace-disgrace-from-space]

Literally my first post in the CB tag, so: hello, hi, nice to formally meet you all. I don't post but trust me I DO lurk in this tag. Doing this post so I can share my deteriorating thoughts but also so that in five weeks when I've forgotten everything I can see if I was right or not and whether I've earned a treat. Fair warning: I only know how to write essays. Big long theses. My bad. Whoops. All of this is PURE THEORIZING. I have no idea what truly happens, all information I gather is from the free episode(s) or what's posted here. I am simply taking shots in the dark for fun. Please don't yell at me. only saying this cause I normally post in communities where everyone has the same information but you all seem very nice so I'm not really worried about it :]

OKAY! SO! As a very normal human being with very normal interest in this silly comic, I scroll through the tag and see what you goobers post (because you're all very funny, talented, and entertaining) and I noticed that this week's fast pass episode has people in emotions. Very MUCH in emotions. I also noticed someone mention parallels to this week's free episode- which I spent way too long agonizing over but that's IRRELEVANT -and so my brain got to thinking. I could just satisfy my curiosity by using money but the way my anxiety will just beat me up for that is crazy. So, instead of that, I've decided that it's time to rabidly theorize about what happens for giggles. Basing my thoughts on the idea of this week's episodes having parallels, I have a few different thoughts.

All of my ideas are parallels of things that happened in the dungeon in the free episode since that has the most content to parallel and was the most prevalent part of the episode. With that in mind, here we go and apologies in advance.

Idea Number One: My first idea is that maybe there's a parallel to the scene where Buddy saves Chase from the creepy guard. Perhaps there's a similar situation to what happened in the free episode or- an idea I'm more partial to -within this book there's a person, place, or scene that reminds Buddy of Ex-Libris which causes him to have some sort of panic attack or a clearly afraid reaction. He's placed in a situation where he's reminded of something from EL that he is afraid of or has bad memories of. Something that Chase has to pull him away or calm him down from, but something that Chase has to save him from. Like how Buddy saved him this week.

Idea Number Two: This idea is based on the statement about ulterior motives and hiding things that Buddy made to Chase- who we all know is hiding something. In this idea, maybe Buddy finally finds out about Prunella and isn't pleased with Chase's lying to him and hiding things. They aren't besties but there's a thin line of trust between them that Chase potentially breaks by hiding Prunella. A person Buddy thought was honest and open suddenly hid something from him, so who's to say he's not hiding more? So, the actual IDEA is that maybe Buddy parallels the statement he makes, but this time in a more hurt tone or accusatory. Instead of apologizing and admitting "you can't have ulterior motives and you're pretty honest", he goes the opposite direction of "I was wrong, you're a liar and blah blah blah" (sorry didn't wanna write more lmao). Still, for a parallel, the statements would likely have to be similar in structure and in nature, and a line that has been living RENT-FREE in my head since this morning is: "I was too dumb to think you didn't have ulterior motives. Too dumb to see that you were hiding something." Or something to that effect. Paralleling that previous statement.

Idea Number Three: This idea I'm less sold on but screw it, throwing it in for giggles because I can and that's one more idea I have lying around. This one is based more on the situation between Chase and Buddy (Buddy being like "wow! thanks for not hiding things" to Chase "definitely hiding a whole ass child" Hollow). A simple switch of roles is what my third thought is. Chase takes Buddy's role of "Wow, so honest" and Buddy takes Chase's role of "Hiding things". The reason I don't like this one as much and I'm not as convinced is because for it to have as much emotion as the Fast Pass episode clearly had, there has to be some sort of emotional investment to whatever the thing was. And for there to be emotional investment, we would likely have to know what exactly Buddy would be hiding from Chase in this potential scenario. As of right now, we have nothing of the sort since getting that kind of information would require a Buddy POV episode which I don't think we're getting any time super soon? So, unless we suddenly find out things in the next four weeks, I doubt it's going to be something like this.

OKAY, I'M DONE NOW I SWEAR! I am so sorry for how long and unnecessary this post was (whoops) but I need to scream somewhere! I'll revisit this in five weeks I suppose to see if I'm right or not and if I've earned my little treat (reward yourselves for things man. self-love). I'll still be lurking, as always, but I guess I'll see y'all formally once again in like five weeks. Have a lovely day! :]

[watchingblsnowandforever]

Hello again! =D

Here's Part 1

*looks at all the remaining screenshots and sighs* I really need to learn to take screenshots more selectively-

Warning: long post 😊😅

This is the sole reason Phum chose to ride the cycle, because we all know he brought his car.

I'm not complaining though. In fact-

Peem, give this man all the hugs in this world. He deserves them. <3

HANDS!!

Aunt Pui Live Reaction

She ships them hehe

She's the best wingaunt 😭🫶🏼

Oh, it's his turn with the braincell finally hehe

Oh, that little kernel of insecurity making him question this :(

And it's Phum's turn to immediately refute any doubt about his feelings.

Oh yeah, telling him all the reasons you like him is the only reason you'll "have" to stay over at his place, Phum. It's not like you wanna cuddle him or anything. Pfft of course not.

Peem's reaction is so cute (no pun intended-) oh gods 😭

This is what told me for sure that Phum knows about Peem's feelings.

The way he framed this, the absolute lack of hesitation in his voice, the way he smiled, the way he looked at Peem.

Just because he doesn't confront Peem about it doesn't mean he doesn't know his feelings are reciprocated.

No wonder Peem's reaction looks so genuine 😭 (Pond improvised this part)

What do you do when the guy you like keeps shrugging off your hand? Keep trying of course! And then lock your hands so he can't shrug them off.

Mission Side-Hug Your Crush: Accomplished 😌✅️

Me:

Wait- WAIT, you're gonna leave the cycle right there in the middle of the driveway?! WHY 🥲😭

👀

Yep, same pic.

The moment I saw this I was like where have I seen this before- OH yeah.

See, now Fang isn't hesitating to call him out on it. Now he knows for sure Phum likes Peem, and it's okay to talk to him about it. But he still doesn't prod much, and only takes what Phum tells him.

In conclusion: Fang is a good brother. 😌

Others: Byee! Have a great time!

Chain: I'll play the guitar for you.

Let's be honest, who's the enabler here? Pun might come up with the strangest most complicated plans, but who's the first to go along with it?

ASKFDGHYTRUASKJNCHDFJ

WHAT WAS THIS KISS?!!!! AND WHY WAS IT TAILOR-MADE TO MAKE ME GO CRAZY?!!!!!

WINNYSTANG. I liked you before but to be very frank, I was kinda indifferent, but now you have my full attention. Make me go even more crazy.

Ooh they have a third brother??

See, up till this point, I was willing to ignore their parents (not what they did, but them as people, because they do not deserve any attention) but this? Stopping Fang from going to check on his brother? NUH UH. That's a line you don't cross.

So now, I'm handing Peem and Tan their weapon(s) of choice and letting them have a go at it. The bodies? Oh, don't worry about that, we'll handle those. :)

What I really love about this scene is that Peem hugs first, then asks questions.

Ah I love hugs so much 🥹🫶🏼

No. They can't.

And similarly, our parents can't always be right. They might always want what's the best for us, but that doesn't mean that what they do is always the best for us.

Also- I'm completely normal about the fact that Phum and Fang went to Peem and Tan - their respective safe zones. Very normal. 🥺

AND THOSE 'I LOVE YOU'S BY TANFANG OH MY GODS I-

I could write a whole essay about just these few minutes (of that PhumPeem hug and this TanFang moment) but I don't have that much time or energy 😭

I'll just go sob in the corner because this entire ep was made to attack my heart with fluff but this scene just broke me.

Also- we finally get actual wind-ruffled hair in BL hehe

Isn't he already Golden Retriever enough? 😭

[Also, at this point my anxiety spiked because I had 7 more screenshots, but I'd already done 25, so tumblr would allow only 5 more 😶😭]

Yes.

Peem finally getting his confidence and sass back! Hehe

That peck had me blinking and then smiling so wide and rewatching those few seconds at least four times.

He says no, and yet his face is tilted and eyes closed and he's all ready to be kissed so sweetly.

You betray yourself, Peem *smh*

HANDS!!!!

The day I stop screaming about hands is my last day on Earth.

This broke my heart, but this hug and Peem's reply put it back together. <33

He-

He said it. While he was awake. 😶

Listen, that nose boop and him telling Phum he'd done a good job the first time changed my brain chemistry so much I collected all the stray strands of my nonexistant giffing skills and made a gif just to put it as my header (replacing that scene from Cherry Magic that I've probably watched a million times now, and had changed me viscerally).

AND THEN THEY GIVE ME THIS.

They're playing table tennis with my heart 🥲

Anyways. Love this scene. So much.

BONUS: I couldn't upload the screenshot of this, but that horse riding scene is so funny to me, because Phuwin is the one who can ride, and Pond's the one a little scared (a little like that roller coaster scene except reversed hehe).

Also "I feel like a prince, riding my horse led by my servant." uh huh. no reference here. just a random line in a random series where the main leads acted in a series previously where one of them was a khun chai and the other worked for him. no reference at all.

Finally!

That's it for ep 12, see y'all next week!

If you got this far, thank you so much for reading! 😊

Here, have some pancakes 🥞

All my previous We Are posts.

@inonetoomanyfandoms here's part 2 hehe

[lilbeanz]

Hello! Not an ask, just wanted to say I adore your content; you're so skilled. I came across your art first, and the drama of even the smallest panel; I'd been eyeing JoDT & sequels for awhile because it was a WIP, but I caved and binged bks1-4 in about three days. I reread the "Eat your heart out Pureblood society" scene at least once a day, thank you for that, superb execution. I also really liked, in the first book, the interactions between Malfoy & Harry, and the very gradual "well, he's our friend now." The development of their friendship has done a great job of re-defining the characters and their relationships. The series feels like its own thing, and the fact that Ginny never even had the diary in book 2 only cemented that. I've really appreciated the deviation from Draco-the-tortured-hero/Draco-making-amends (which I also love to read). Horrors of the Heir was a great twist and really put the whole series in another tier, tbh. CoS was like, my least favorite of the series as a kid (alongside GoF, which has grown on me as I read fanfic) and your version of bk 2 easily established the micro-obsession of your series for me. Also, Crabbe & Goyle?? "They're actually really good friends"?? "Just to see if we feel anything"?? Adorable. Obsessed.

tldr; Your rewrite of the series is incredibly unique, and I admire how you've really taken the series and made it something completely fun and new and modern 💜💜💜

Looking forward to the rest. Thank you for sharing!

AaaAaaAaaHhhHhhHh?!??!?!

This is such a lovely comment, I can't even -- I -- I'm --

Thank you so much! I'm so glad you're enjoying the series so far! It really has been such a challenging, fun project!

I adored writing the "Eat Your Heart Out" scene. People tend to forget that Draco Malfoy is canonically *very* dramatic when he wants to be. Yes, he can be sulky and scheming, but he also shouts taunts across the courtyard, and puts on scenes to make older students laugh at Harry’s expense, even going so far as to dress up as a Dementor to make his "rival" lose in Quidditch.

The Horror of the Heir was such an experience for me as the author, because CoS is my favourite book from the series (weird, ik) and looking back, I sort of realise I could’ve squeezed in so much more. But last May, 45k was a HUGE amount of words for me! And now I'm churning out 100k like nobody's business 💀

✨️Growth✨️

And speaking of growth, the reason I had Draco take Tom Riddle’s diary was purely because of growth. It would've taken him far longer to change as a person if he hadn't taken Ginny's place. A pivotal character development moment, as he reflects on his upbringing etc...

Crabbe and Goyle generally get overlooked in the fandom, and it really bugs me. Vince dies canonically, yes, but I absolutely love it when fic writers incorporate Greg as an actual character in post-war fics, and acknowledge that Vince was Draco’s friend.

It's always Blaise, Pansy, and Theo because they're intelligent and societies definition of "attractive." I mean, each to their own of course, but I could write an entire essay on the injustice I feel for Crabbe and Goyle!

And then, of course, the development of Draco’s relationship with the Golden Trio, specifically Harry. Just -- Ugh-- these silly kids make me so unhinged!😂

It wouldn't be all sunshine and rainbows to begin with. Of course it wouldn't. It's a rocky start, with bumps along the way (and more big bumps to come), but I really do love the way I have progressed their relationship, and I'm not even gonna be humble about it! I really do love my own fic!!!

All this to say, thank you so much!!! I realise fix-its are a very popular type of fic to write, but I really do try to keep it as fresh and unique as possible, so the fact that I really am able to give my readers an experience means the world to me💖

[bookofmirth]

Did you like cc3 or love? Neither?

oh hello, why don't you pull up a chair because I have finished this book and I have Thoughts. I was thinking for a good chunk of this book that I would give it 2 stars. I still might. It depends on how it sits with me over the next couple of weeks. I ended up giving it 3 because I did enjoy some parts.

I will start with the more positive thoughts.

I am glad that the crossover was limited. One of my fears was that the series be unavoidably intertwined from here on out, so that pleases me.

I really did like seeing how Nesta has grown, her friendship with Azriel, and seeing more interesting things with his powers! That was really neat.

I did laugh out loud a couple of times, at points where I was supposed to laugh out loud. I think Tharion is dumb as hell but he made me chuckle.

The scene with Ithan and Sabine towards the end was good, I was like Gordon Ramsay, finally, some delicious fucking consequences.

Ummm... I like Ruhn and Lidia still. They had some silly moments, but overall they are the only characters in this book that I still have a shred of respect for. Maybe Perry and Sathia. Everyone else is on thin fucking ice.

Shout out to the one (1) line Bryce said that I liked: “I’m sick and tired of people using 'girl' as an insult.”

Unfortunately, the list of things I didn't like is far longer. I'm actually going to put it under the cut if people don't want their enjoyment spoiled or simply don't care.

In my opinion, sjm is a good storyteller, and an okay writer. This book really, really highlighted that for me. The plotting was a mess, I was constantly going back a page because I was confused about what was going on, there were weird inconsistencies that only made sense if you stepped back from the book and thought "well, the author needed that to happen, I guess."

There were some typos and word choice errors that should have been caught - "every muscle in Bryce's body went taught" and then a missing quotation mark (But it was Aidas who answered, pride flaring on his face. Apollion slew her with his Helfire when she attacked him—he pulled her burning heart from her chest and ate it.”). Not to mention the 255 "could have sworns" and 50-something "as if". I noticed a few similar phrases to this. If I'm feeling spicy one day maybe I will go back and find them.

The number of times she says "by whatever power" or "somehow" in a book where she has spent a lot of time explaining the power, and we should know what the "somehow" is???

Who in the ever loving fuck thinks that splitting up two tense scenes by cutting them into bite sized pieces and then interspersing them together is a good idea???

There were multiple times when I laughed out loud at scenes that were not meant to be funny, because they just seemed so dumb. Like... Ithan "accidentally" beheading Sigrid. Excuse me?? lmao (I edited this one because in my annoyance I misrepresented that a bit)

The tone was so, so off. That was a big source of my inappropriate laughing. Like, Hunt thanking Urd that he had such a loyal, fierce badass mate. Or a chapter starting with Ruhn saying "nah". I think this is because the genre could not decided what it wanted to be. SJM was still writing like this was high fantasy, but then used the word "like" in the way that I use the word "like". I do get that this is urban fantasy and she tried to smush it with a high fantasy (a high fantasy with very little world building, but still), but I really do not think that this genre serves sjm's style of storytelling. At all.

Dear powers that be in whatever heaven that exists, please stop letting sjm describe every single character as the most strongest beautiful fiercest loyal badass tough unflenching etc etc etc. I fucking beg. One of the big reasons that I dislike pretty much every character in this series is that they ALL HAVE THE SAME PERSONALITY.

Bryce is annoying as hell. I could write a whole essay on her but she is easily my least favorite sjm character EVER.

I am bitter at feeling like I needed to read this book when, after hosab, I would have given up on this series if not for the crossover.

The crossover really did feel like a "teehee I can do this because I want to" with very, very little thought as to how it would actually make sense. A crossover like this should NOT be done by someone who doesn't outline, and who pantses their writing. Pantsing is fine in itself! Pantsers should be barred from writing this kind of book.

Hunt's dick is too big for his underwear.

[hotd-brainrot]

I think I figured out what personally bothered me sm in this season of HOTD. And it wasn't (only) the fact that it didn't align with F&B.

I feel like the writers forgot, if not completely disregarded almost everything they established in the second part of seasons 1?

I expected Aemond's entire arc of becoming a villian, but not against his own faction? And the thing is, if they truly wanted to go for it, it was doable, but they went way too fast with it and in ways that made no sense? In season 1, yes, we see Aegon bullying Aemond when they were kids, but then during the dinner scene we clearly see they bonded since then and have each others' back. If anyone from the green kids is isolated in that scene, it's Helaena.

In the beginning of s2, they seem to go along with that, have Aegon implicitly trust Aemond, inviting him to his council, not believe Larys when he says it's Aemond plotting with Alicent to rule in his stead. Then there is a brothel scene which is on all accounts awful, but fine. Let's say for a moment Aegon is grieveing and reverts back to his old habits of humiliating Aemond as a way to cope.

Why don't we see more of Aemond's reaction when he is alone? He humiliates him at the council, which makes sense to make them even. Shows he is more in control.

But trying to kill him? And doing so in a way that's clearly pre-planned since he tells Vhagar to wait? It feels like such a jump with no build-up, especially since we have his express regret over killing Lucerys! He shows, Lucerys, who cut out his eye more grace then he does his own brother who we see him support on multiple occasions? What?

And again! If they really wanted to go with this route, why not show Aegon taunting him and embarrassing him on more occasions? Show Aegon distrusts him or undermining him? It would have been so easy.

Also. If they truly wanted to go for "oh, Aemond burned his bully and abuser" then why tf did they have Helaena suddenly defend Aegon? She says he ignores her except for when he is drunk. We get exactly one scene of them together (I am not counting them passing each other on the stairs bc that was...something) where they disagree on if Jaehaerys should go to a small council or not. Despite the fact they lose a child, we don't see them interact at all, and I am supposed to think Helaena is meant to care for him enough to wish death upon Aemond because he burned him? From what they have showed us, I didn't get the feeling Helaena particularly cared for either of her brothers.

Perhaps she does, but we are never shown this??? Like, at all?? Insanity.

But so we don't say I only talk about the Greens, I think the Blacks have a similar issue? Rhaenyra is the only one we see(kind of) care for her family. What about Daemon? Baela? Rhaena?

Listen, I am not saying Daemon, similarly to Aemond is a great person, but I genuinely despise how they made his whole character about Rhaenyra? Did they forget he has two daughters from his marriage to Laena and two sons with Rhaenyra? The only interaction he has with Baela is in episode two and he ignores her!

Rhaenyra sends Rhaena away without a word from Daemon. Rhaena doesn't even bring him up! It's not even "What did my father say to this idea?" Type of situation. Hello??

Even if they wanted to go with "Daemon is a bad father" we see him face pretty much no consequences for it? He hallucinates Laena asking him if he took care of their girls before it's swept up under a rug again. Baela says she sometimes thinks she hates him, but then it turns into another conversation about Jace's parentage.

I also have no idea how we are meant to care for Aegon iii and Viserys later on bc they are A) aged down and B) so irrelevant and unnmentioned I almost forgot they were there at all while making this post.

I could write another essay on Alicent and Rhaenyra but I feel like there have been much better posts on them already but just...what is going on??

Did the writers forget the core of the story was meant to be Targaryen family? Fucked up family, yes, absolutely, but the point was that the war of ravens started because they all wished for power, but the war of fire and blood started because they started killing each other. If they don't care for one another, if they are not family, what IS the point? Why do they keep fighting? For power and revenge? No, no, for feminism and peace!

Give me a break. Genuinely. It's not even about it being inaccurate to the book anymore, it's about the characters losing their central motivations and only letting the plot happen to them, instead of being actuve participants. That's why everyone loved side characters more than main ones! At least they are making active choices!

[empressofthewind]

/twirls into the room 1 2 3 21 for the ask for one nate river please!!!!

HELLO AND WELCOME 🥰 these were genuinely the hardest questions to answer because I could write essays upon essays about how much I love him but I tried to keep it at least somewhat brief!!

~

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

I adore everything about him 🥺 here’s a bullet point list so this doesn’t just look like one daunting wall of text:

The very first thing that compelled me was his relationship with Mello. I love the idea that they’re designed to be two halves of L, and that he is fully aware of his own shortcomings as an individual despite Mello’s own permanent state of denial. He��s so understanding and forgiving of Mello’s actions, he defends him when he can’t be there to defend himself and gives him more credit in the warehouse than he gives himself.

He also demonstrates this level of empathy with his team, factoring their opinions into the decisions he makes and checking in with them to make sure they’re comfortable when he sets them dangerous tasks. He’s stated in Volume 13 to be sensitive, and this comes through so clearly in the way he interacts with the people he cares about.

He’s direct when he has to be, and he doesn’t put on a fake persona or play into childish mind games the way L and Light do. He’s honest with the people he trusts, and when he has to lie, he does it in the most straightforward, simple way. Most of his plans are like this - relatively straightforward, rarely overcomplicated. He’s sharp and he thinks things through very thoroughly, even at short notice.

Much of his personality comes through in nonverbal cues and subtleties in his dialogue, like the creativity in his construction of toys and puppets, and a vague streak of recklessness in the way he so casually destroys them. His inability to throw darts is also one of my favourite things about him, because of the way it starkly contrasts his tendency to be good at everything else. He can stack thousands of cards into the shape of an ‘L’ with the most insane impeccable precision but he cannot hit a dartboard from 1 metre away. Iconic.

He’s the least arrogant and prideful of the main cast, but he does have a tendency to be judgemental, with regards to the way he freely calls people stupid and gets frustrated by anyone he sees to be a mindless follower. I think it’s interesting though how he seems to feel much more strongly about that than L and Mello do. Mello wants to catch Kira to beat Near, and L wanted to catch Kira for the sake of his ego, but Near seems to have a real, genuine disdain for Light and everything he stands for, despite also somewhat buying into the idea that the whole thing is a game.

On the whole he’s just SUCH a unique and well-designed character, and I love that, for how direct and unapologetic he is, there are also many complexities to dig into if you’re willing to go looking for them.

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

His facial expressions!! In particular I am OBSESSED with his evil little smile 😭 he does it when he knows he’s right about something, and he gets immediately smug about it, and it’s especially delightful to watch when Light is on the receiving end and is just as aware that he’s been backed into a corner. I love his angry/frustrated look a lot too, especially when his cheeks get all puffy.

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

Everything about his anime counterpart, if that’s within the scope of the question lmao. For manga Near only, I do find it a little sad in the warehouse scene that he immediately writes off the possibility of Mello having deduced that Takada had the notebook. I get why that would be hard to believe from his perspective, but given that he is Mello Apologist Extraodinaire™️ in canon, it seems pretty depressing that he spends probably the rest of his life believing Mello saved his life by total reckless accident.

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

I really like exploring his feelings, in a very general sense. His feelings towards Mello of course, but also his feelings towards L and the successor program, towards his childhood, towards himself and his own identity and future, and broadly, the ways in which he deals with these emotions. It’s very easy to read his character as entirely unemotional and I hear that said about him a lot, but I think he’s much more complicated than that and there are a lot of compelling possibilities to explore.

Something I dislike is probably putting him through too much angst 😭 I HAVE written fics that don’t end well for him and I can write them just fine, especially if there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but in general I much prefer making Mello suffer. This is mostly because Near is my favourite and he deserves the world, but I also do find Mello’s anguish more narratively compelling given that he’s more likely to react in ways that are irrational and self-destructive.

~

Ask me things :-)

[cosmicjoke]

Hello :)

I’ve seen you write essay-like long posts about Attack on Titan and analyzing this complex story in depth, which I love. For me personally, it’s been a long while since I watched it and I currently don’t have the time to rewatch it. But I think it’s a story that has to be experienced at least twice to fully understand it, because the story isn’t told linearly and having certain things in mind while watching earlier scenes reframes everything.

Someday I’m gonna do just that. But until I can, I’m going to rely on your takes and my fuzzy memory of the events to feed my hunger for “food for thought”. Even though it’s been so long, I still can’t stop thinking about the story, as there’s just so much to unpack. With that in mind, could you (only if you have the time and the willingness to do so, of course) give your detailed opinion on as to WHY Eren felt like he had to do the horrible things he did?

It’s obvious, especially from the last conversation he had with Armin in the anime, that he does KNOW that what he did was morally wrong. So why then, did he still do it? That’s what I can’t wrap my head around. The reasons for his actions.

Like, even if it was due to his innate, selfish desire for freedom, it’s still obvious that he knew it would lead to his death. He had the power to stop the remaining scouts from killing him, he could have used his titan powers to stop them, but he didn’t. In that conversation scene with Armin, it seemed like he knew his own death was inevitable. So why didn’t he prevent that? What was the point of flattening the earth for his idea of freedom if he doesn’t stick around to see the results of his actions? Was it actually his plan to rid the world of the titans? I discussed his with a friend who said Eren did everything because “it was the only outcome he saw among all the possible outcomes that would get rid of the titan powers — because only in a world without titan powers can the Eldian people actually be free.”

But Eren did so many things that were detrimental to the Eldians, individual and as a whole, like in the raid on Liberio, where he not only killed innocent Eldians, but also made the world actively hate Paradis, that it seems to me he didn’t actually do it for the sake of the Eldians

(Though my friend would argue that Eren saw every possible future and there simply isn’t a future where his goal is achieved without hurting at least some Eldians. And that his version, while hurting some, still hurt the least of them. But that just doesn’t sit right with me.) But again, if he actually did do it for selfish reasons, which is what I’m leaning towards, then why would he be alright with dying, aka giving up on his self? Trying to understand that dude just frustrates me, so I thought maybe you could shed some light on this with your theories on him.

(I’m on anon to help keep toxic Eren fanatics off my back and I don’t have the balls to deal with them, lol.)

Hi there, and thank you for the ask!

I've talked a lot about Eren and his motivations on my blog, which you can probably find if you just search his name on my blog. But I'll give it my best shot answering here as well.

First off, I'll just say that the way you're leaning is the right way. Eren didn't do what he did for anyone but himself, and that's sort of the point of his entire character. The theme of dreams and needing to be able to let go of them is a pronounced one in AoT, and Eren, in the end, is the purest example of someone who wasn't able to do so, and that ties into his lack of maturity. He never progresses past his childish whims or desires. He never grows up. That's why we see him appear as a child during the Rumbling. Because that's who he really is and who's he's always been. The Rumbling itself is a manifestation of Eren's truest nature and desires.

Second, your friend is wrong about the "possible futures" Eren sees. Eren doesn't see multiple futures. He only sees one future, which is the only future. People don't get how time works in AoT, which is understandable. Anytime you're dealing with time travel, it gets confusing. I didn't get it at first myself. But basically, the only reason Eren sees the future he does is because it's the only future there is. If there was some other possibility, some other course he took, he wouldn't have seen the future he did at all. It only exists because he literally willed it into being. We see this through the course of Eren's actions in manipulating past events, once he gains control of the Founding Titan's powers. He literally manipulates events to ensure he'll end up with the power to commit the Rumbling. The way he manipulates Grisha into killing Frieda and taking her power, the way he redirects Dina's Titan away from Bertolt to eat Eren's own mother, setting off the events which will lead to him gaining the power to wipe out humanity. Eren very literally orchestrates the events which lead to the future he saw. So there are no multiple or possible futures for Eren to "choose from". There's just the one, and the one future he sees exists because what he does is what he was always going to do.

The point of us being shown the equally devastating results for the Eldian's as the rest of humanity is to drive home that what Eren is doing isn't to save the Eldian people at all, or even his friends. He's willing to murder the entire population of Eldian's outside of the Walls, which no doubt outnumbers the number of the island. He doesn't care. Sasha dying, Hange dying, Levi almost dying, etc... all of that is meant to drive home this point. Eren isn't doing it for them, or for anyone, other than himself. As he confesses to Ramzi, and then later to Armin, he "had to do it" because he "wanted to do it". He says to Ramzi, when he finds out that humanity existed beyond the Walls, that he was "so disappointed". He confesses this to him while sobbing, because what Eren is confessing here is that he wanted to destroy humanity beyond the walls to make it match his childish vision of what the world should have looked like beyond the Walls. He wanted it to look like the images in Armin's book, a vast, unexplored, untouched wilderness, just for him. And when he discovered humanity existed beyond the walls, it shattered that vision for him.

To answer your specific question about why Eren didn't stop his friends from stopping him, it comes down to Eren attempting to cope with his own monstrosity. Throughout the lead up to Eren's actions, and even during, Eren tries to cope with his own, monstrous nature by telling both himself and others that he's doing it "for them". He lies. He's lying to the rest of the 104th when he tells them, before they leave for Marley, that he just wants to protect all of them. He was already planning on betraying all of them. He was already working with Floch at that point, in coordination with Yelena and Zeke. He'd already told Historia his real plans, to betray Zeke and enact a full scale Rumbling, this fully 9 months before they ever left for Marley. The Scouts success or failure to negotiate with Marley had nothing to do with Eren's decision. He'd already decided what he was going to do before they ever set foot there. Eren's depression as he's walking around Marley and thinking to himself that none of these people are his enemy, his realization that all of these people are innocent, is because, confronted with that reality, he's no longer able to hide behind the excuse of protecting his friends or the island from an impending threat. He realizes, in that moment, that the future he sees, that him unleashing a full scale Rumbling, is purely the result of his own, selfish desire. Which, again, is to create the world he saw in Armin's book, his own, personal idea of freedom. We see Eren continue to drink the copium though, even after this point. For example, when he grabs Hange through the bars of his cell and screams at her that he saw no other choice because of her supposed failure to come up with a real solution. Pure deception, both of Hange and himself. Eren never even gave Hange's plan to negotiate a chance. He disappeared and kicked off his plans with Zeke before anyone from the Scouts had a chance to even attempt negotiations. And this, too, is why Eren doesn't attempt to stop the Alliance from stopping him. It's a giant cope. Eren tells himself and them that he's not going to stop them because freedom is the most important thing to him, and that he loves and cares about all of them too much to impede on their freedom of choice. Again, this is a lie on Eren's part. He's already impeded on their freedom, multiple times, particularly in his forcing them to rescue him from Liberio and backing them into a corner, taking away their choice, by forcing them to accept his and Zeke's plan and forcing them into a conflict which they'd all expressed a desire to and were attempting to avoid. He tries to tell Historia that he's doing it for her, too, that he's just safeguarding her freedom, while in the same breath, disregarding Historia's already stated decision to inherit Zeke's Beast Titan.

The truth is, Eren doesn't care about anybody else's freedom but his own. Again and again, he impedes on and takes away the freedom of others, including his closest friends, all in service to realizing his own, personal sense of freedom. He tells them that he isn't stopping them from fighting him because he respects their freedom, but again, this is just a giant cope on Eren's part. He allows them to come after him because its his way of coping with his sense of guilt and self-loathing. The same way he continues to lie, up to the very end, when he tells all the members of the Alliance (except Levi, who I've posited Eren doesn't speak to at all), that he did what he did to "make them all into heroes". Another, giant cope. A lie he fabricates because he can't deal with any of them knowing the truth. He tells all of them this, but it's only Armin whom he confesses the truth to. He can't lie to his best friend, and that's why we see Eren tell Armin that he knew, from his vision of the future, that he would fail to wipe out all of humanity, and that because of it, he would only imperil his friends and the island further, because naturally, the world would want revenge for Eren's actions, and yet he still went through with it. Why? If he really cared so much about his friends or the rest of the Eldian people, why would he continue to go through with a plan that he knew would end up only endangering them further, would only continue the cycle of hate and war? Because, again, Eren never actually cared about any of that. All he cared about was experiencing his own, personal sense of freedom. He was so driven, and so compelled toward it, that even knowing he would fail, he couldn't help himself. Eren doesn't find out he's going to fail until Ymir lends him her power. He finds out he fails to wipe out all of humanity in that moment, and yet he pushes on in his actions. He could have stopped right then and there, before a single Wall Titan was unleashed, but he continues on. Again, because Eren is compelled by his very own, restless nature, to do what he did.

Eren is bored. That's what it boils down to. The scene near the beginning of the story, when we see Eren sitting, staring up at the sky, and he says "I wish something would happen"? That right there encapsulates the entirety of why Eren does what he does. He's doomed to be perpetually unsatisfied and bored with his existence. He had a good and happy life, and it wasn't enough. And wiping out all of humanity wouldn't have been enough, either. He convinced himself it would quench his thirst for freedom, but the reality for Eren is, nothing was ever going to achieve that for him. Again, his very nature renders it impossible. He's always dissatisfied, and always "wants something to happen". It's why he kills Mikasa's kidnappers. It's not because Eren cared about saving Mikasa (he didn't even know her at that point), it's because he wanted something to happen. Because he was bored. Eren could have easily listened to his father and waited for the proper authorities to come. The same way he could have allowed the Survey Corps to actually attempt negotiations before deciding he just "had to" enact the Rumbling, or he could have gone with Zeke's plan of a limited Rumbling. Again, it's not what Eren wanted, though, in either case. He wanted destruction, he wanted chaos, he wanted something to happen to disrupt and tear apart his mundane existence.

The shot of Eren standing atop his massive Attack Titan, near the end, with his arms spread wide and a look of pure elation on his face as he says "Freedom!", that's Eren getting to experience what he aimed to. The world is crushed and left desolated beneath him. Remember, Eren destroys 80% of the world's population, and that's enough for Eren to feel he's achieved what he set out to. To experience a desolate world free of humanity. But again, this is Eren coping. He's trying to immerse himself in the feeling of "freedom" as a way to distract himself from the horror and nightmare below. He finally feels what it's like to be in a world that looks like the pictures in Armin's book, but it's still not enough. It's never going to be enough. Eren realizes this. He gets to feel what it's like to be "totally free" from the expectations and demands of others, and yet he's still dissatisfied. It doesn't quell the restless dissatisfaction that defines Eren's core.

This leads into your last question, about why Eren doesn't stop the Alliance from killing him, so he can experience the results of his actions. Eren is already going to die. He knows his time is short, that he only has a few more years left to live at this point. Eren is compelled forward to enact the Rumbling, regardless of this, because again, he can't help himself. He's totally driven by his own desires. Again, up to the point Ymir lends him her power, Eren thinks he's going to succeed in destroying all of humanity. Upon realizing he won't, that his friends and comrades are going to stop him, he still feels that same drive and desire to go through with his plan anyway, again, because it's what he wants, it's the only thing he really wants, and nothing is going to stop him from trying to take it, even as he knows he won't succeed.

Eren loves his friends. He cares about them. He doesn't want to hurt them or endanger them. But as we see from his childhood on, Eren is someone who's always going to put his own desires above their well being. It's why we see him constantly getting into fights as a child, despite the burden it places on Mikasa, despite his mother asking him to stop. He forces Mikasa to chase after him and place herself into situations she doesn't want for herself, and Eren enacting the Rumbling and forcing the Alliance to chase after him is the exact same scenario, only writ large. He's forcing his friends to chase after him and try and stop him from causing trouble. Again, though, at the same time, Eren doesn't want to actually hurt them. He's so guilt ridden over Sasha and Hange because he knows his actions led to their deaths, and he never wanted that. But as ever, he couldn't help himself. He couldn't keep himself from putting his own desires over their well being. Again, Eren lets his friends come after him as a way to cope with the crushing guilt of his own, monstrous nature and actions. He doesn't stop them because it's his only way to sooth his inner turmoil, to tell himself he allowed them their freedom of choice.

But once again, the inherent contradiction in that is that Eren already took away their freedom of choice, and still continues to here, by forcing them into a situation not of their own choosing. He forces all of them to fight him to the death, despite having considered him a friend and comrade. He forces Mikasa to have to kill him, which goes against everything Mikasa herself ever truly wanted. He forces them all into a position of having to kill their own, former comrades who have become Yeagerists, something he specifically mentions to Armin at the end. He's still taking away their freedom, but he deludes himself into thinking otherwise by letting them come after him at all. He's able to do this because he still succeeds in achieving that supposed feeling of freedom he set out to gain. He's still able to experience "Freedom!", as he says, without stopping them. But all one has to do is look at Eren's actions before this, in the lead up to the Rumbling, to know that, had his friends and comrades actually threatened his ability in any way to get to this end point, he would have acted in whatever ways necessary to stop them. It's the reason he doesn't tell anyone about the vision of the future he had. Because he knows if he did, they would stop him. And if he had been willing to tell anyone of his vision, he would have seen a completely different vision, anyway. He would have seen a future in which his friends stop him from enacting the Rumbling at all. It's why he lies and distances himself from everybody. It's why he forces them into a conflict they'd all been trying so hard to avoid. It's why he makes Grisha kill Frieda and the entire Reiss family. It's why he kills his own mother. It's why he's able to accept Sasha dying, and Hange dying, and Levi almost dying. It's all in service to him gaining the power to enact the Rumbling, to make sure events unfold in the exact way he needs them to to get to that end point. He would have been willing to kill anyone to gain that power, the same way he was willing to kill all of humanity just to experience what he deluded himself into believing was true freedom. Once he has that power, he's able to enact his plan, and everything after that doesn't matter. His friends and comrades can come after him. They can do whatever they want. Because Eren already got what he wanted. He's already getting to live out his own desires, and once more, he's able to assuage his guilt by telling himself that he's allowing his friends the freedom to try and stop him.

Anyway, I hope this helps answer at least some of your questions. The only way to understand Eren's actions is to accept his selfish, childish nature, and how he was always going to do what he did, not because it was inevitable or because he had no other choice, but because it was what he wanted to do. Nothing was ever going to stop him from doing what he wanted.

[st0rmyskies]

WarrTime anon back with more questions. (I don’t know if it’s annoying to ask several questions in one ask or not I’m not really familiar with the whole tumblr thing but now that I’ve found you on tumblr I’ve gotten a bit excited that I can just ASK you questions haha. If you’d prefer I not ask so many things at one let me know!)

1. In LMTCOY Ch. 20, is the reason Warriors freaks out more so because he wasn’t able to handle the idea that he could genuinely have something with Time that lasts and that Time really does want him and care about him and love him for more than just his body, or is Time being gentle with him just something he’ll never be able to handle because he’s not used to it/doesn’t like it? Would he ever let Time try treating him gently like that again and being sweet to him, or is that something that would take a while to work up to?

2. In Ch. 36, is Time genuinely more worried for Warriors’s safety than he is jealous like he concludes in his head, or does part of him kind of selfishly wish he could have Warriors to himself?

3. What is their relationship technically? (In that same Ch. 36 Warriors refers to it as a “whatever this is”, but what is it at this point?)

And last one, haha: 4. At this point in their whole mess of what they have going on, if Warriors was sick and missed one of his typically scheduled days with Time, would Time go looking for him and take care of him? Would Warriors even let him? (I have been ill myself was reading LMTCOY again to make myself feel less miserable and then I started thinking about these two haha. I can only imagine Warriors with a common cold. He probably would either be overly responsible about it or whine like he’s dying)

Thanks for answering all my other questions! I really love the thought you put into these two characters, they’re so wonderful to read about. I hope you are well

Hello!! You are more than welcome to ask as many questions as often as you'd like, I never mind. Shorter asks get answered more quickly, as I can address them on mobile. If I'm planning on writing an essay, there's going to be a delay in getting answers. But if you like longer answers, then maybe it doesn't matter.

In The Most Luxurious Indulgence, Warriors has several things working against him in his and Time's sex scene. Wars has been thrown of his game several times during this little vacation, between being given an expensive pair of diamond studs (which carry a significant meaning in Hylian culture, there's a post on that somewhere around here) and not getting plowed the night before when he was inebriated (his relationship with Time has been completely carnal thus far, so he takes this as a mixed signal that Time is losing interest in him), and it all kind of comes to a head in that scene. Some part of Wars feels like he 'owes' this to Time because he's been brought on this lavish vacation on the man's dime, given gifts and so on. And Wars is also relieved that Time is not showing disinterest, rather quite the opposite.

It starts out poorly because Warriors doesn't like being on the receiving end of oral, but he doesn't speak up for himself--again, thinking he owes this to Time. Which is a similar line of thinking Warriors pushed himself down when he was with Volga. That starts to bring up all sorts of complicated feelings such that by the time Warriors does express that he needs to tap out, it's a question of how much of his panic attack stemmed from what was going on between him and Time and how much of it was just him being in his own head.

Warriors does go on to have a relatively gentle coupling with Time, at least for them. I do think that in the future Wars will acquiesce to less violent sex, although the episodes will be few and far between.

In You're Jealous, Time is ABSOLUTELY being a jealous beef and wanting Wars all to himself. There is a legitimate concern for his safety, maybe, but most of Time's motivation here is that he doesn't like Warriors going to others for the things that Time can provide. It brings up feelings of inadequacy just as much as it does concerns for safety.

Neither of them is willing to pin down what they have with any sort of official designation, at least not verbally. The fact that Time gave !Warriors a pair of diamond stud earrings sends a pretty clear message of, "I have a serious interest in you as my partner." It's one step up from a promise ring in Hylian culture, sometimes called a "half-hitch" or halfway to being engaged to be married. For some, it's an incredibly serious statement to make. For others--think your glitzed-out Hollywood starlet-types--it's just another jewel on their person, casually wearing another man's devotion like it's merely a fashion accessory.

If you were to approach them walking down the street with a camera and a microphone and ask them what they are to one another, it would spark a days-long fight between Time and Wars that would likely never get truly resolved.

And for your last question, actually, I might treat that as a prompt for a future LMTCOY chapter. I'm sorry to hear you've been unwell lately and hope you're on the mend! And thank you much for the kind words.

[the-bloody-sadist]

Hello! Fellow yanagihara hater here. Please share more of your views on a little life i beg because that book was so promising with its themes goddamn but then the writer had to fuck it up -

OH NOOOOO THE CHANCE TO BE A HATER WHATEVER WILL I DO.....

THANKS FOR ASKING.

I'm really glad to hear from someone who was also angry at the book and its author! I tend to be more bothered than usual when any form of media is popular for so-called "trauma representation", held up as a classic, etc., and then when I consume that media, I find out that the way it's written is more of a pretentious normie's view of "suffering", which, in my opinion, is disgusting. NOW. PLEASE BE REMINDED THAT I HAVE STRONG OPINIONS, AND ALSO TAKE THEM WITH A GRAIN OF SALT, AS I'M PARTICULARLY TRIGGERED BY WHAT I FEEL IS HORRIBLE TRAUMA REP. And a second grain of salt, too, since I did NOT read all of A Little Life (because I got too angry, knew exactly where it was going, and said FUCK YOU YANAGIHARA, I'm going to watch a video essay breakdown of the plot instead so I don't kill myself), and also watched behind the scenes interviews that made me hate Yanagihara even more.

If you're curious what video I watched that broke down the plot and confirmed all of my expectations on this book, it's here! I remember not agreeing with a lot of what that YouTuber said, because some things are silly to complain about in fiction and I don't believe in the whole "sexual abuse should not be shown in graphic detail", which I think was part of his discussion?? Bad memory, sorry. What I think is ugly about the book is the pile-on of RIDICULOUS amounts of trauma for Jude, to a degree that makes it a parody, almost comedically, of real trauma. From a writer's perspective, I'm furious at the way she used it and the way it succeeded at it's one job--NOT to help people understand the effects of trauma and CSA--but to make them cry. It's cheap, it's gross, and it casts all of Jude's trauma (for me) in the light of "this author was proud of herself for how much she could stuff into one boy just to make SURE you were devastated, while paying no special attention to make sure these traumas were handled with care". It's enraging to see how low the standard is for professional books that A Little Life is held up the way it is.

Now, don't get me wrong, her prose, while bogged down by excruciating and needless detail a lot of times, is very engaging. It's part of why I was so mad that it failed in the most important areas. I wanted it to be good! I really did! And I loved Jude, he would've been a wonderful character if not for her amateur decisions. Had she picked one or two traumas to focus on, created a realistic background for him, and had his death make for better impact and purpose to the plot, I'd probably have the book on my shelf as a top ten. But instead, I listened to her speak about how she did ZERO RESEARCH ON TRAUMA for Jude, apparently doesn't have trauma of her own that she's referencing (because then, no matter how much I disliked it, I would be more forgiving if she's pulling from her own experiences), and just...is so FLIPPANT about how she wrote it. Plus, in my personal opinion, I don't like her attitude in general. She comes off like a cringe edgelord for the slop she wrote, and I know so many authors who aren't even professionals that write trauma WORLDS better than she ever could.

Also, I'm so sorry, but the COVER??? What a perfect representation for the book, honestly. That old photo of the dude making an expression of pain that looks fake as fuck to me, just...eugh.

You know those gacha life cringe videos where the characters are all gory and talk about fucked up shit that happened to them, but it's extreme and ridiculous? That's what this book felt like once it dove into Jude.

When I write my own characters, I try to pick a single trauma for them and a couple coping mechanisms. It's important to me that one trauma isn't just tossed in there without regard for how much it changes someone's life, behaviors, and thought processes. Other traumas exist, of course, but they fit within the theme for what the character will represent. And I think it's important to have characters around them that will balance that trauma, a caretaker, a friend, and some sort of hope. Even if it might be true in real life that some people do have out-of-this-world experiences of trauma, there's not a lot of ways to correctly convey that in fiction without coming off as silly or over-imaginative. It quickly feels like the author is jerking themselves off in how "good" they are at making characters suffer, when for me, it's about how good they are at portraying how even a "small" trauma can affect the character deeply. I respect it more when media explores the subtle aspects of trauma, incorporating multiple side-effects instead of just one. Again, I know not everyone is as picky as I am. I'm trying to have more grace for what others think is realistic, but A Little Life is WAY over that line. Whenever I read or watch something that has overdone, overdramatic, or unrealistic depictions of trauma, it's intensely triggering, and sometimes I've become suicidal for like a whole week afterwards LMFAO, so I'm super passionate about this subject, and I think it's because I'm both a writer and a trauma survivor. Having CPTSD and watching shit like Bungou Stray Dogs get praised for "good PTSD rep" with ATSUSHI????? Straying a bit from the topic, but I lose respect for anyone who expresses that opinion.

Anyway, as a closing opinion, Yanagihara just sounds like a teen fanfic writer who crams their story full of misery and thinks she's done a great job just because there was a lot of it and people went “aww, so sad”. It just felt like trauma is a spectacle for her, not a crushing psychological experience.

I already feel misunderstood enough, as is. I already feel like my trauma has been disregarded by anybody who hasn't shared the same type of trauma. The last thing I need is confirmation that it'll continue to be misunderstood because of media depictions like A Little Life.

THANKS FOR LETTING ME RANT, ANON! I hope I shared a lot of the same things you felt about the book!! I don't think I said everything as well as I wanted to, but I pushed the book out of my mind as much as possible after getting triggered by it, so I can't recall all of the details in full clarity. LMAO...

MUCH LOVE TO YOU!! And to leave on a positive note, I recently watched Room (with Brie Larson) and it was one of the BEST realistic representations of trauma I've seen in a LONG TIME. So that was nice!! It's in my favorites list now and I recommend it to everyone so you don't have to think about A Little Life anymore 🫵😡

[aq2003]

idk if you're still doing those top fives, but if so... top 5 nine moments? - variousqueerthings

5. "rose, i'm trying to resonate concrete" (can this become a euphemism for being ace/aro if we try hard enough btw. is he. you know. trying to resonate concrete)

4. suibaiting the dalek. she was so iconic for this one and i do feel bad for laughing bc it's such a serious scene, however it's a product of me seeing images like this so you cannot blame me:

3. the exchange he has with the married-couple-to-be in father's day. "and i know we're not important" "who says you're not important?" and "street corner, 2 in the morning, getting a taxi home. i've never had a life like that. [pauses] yes. :) i'll try and save you". i haven't watched classic who obv but as a jumping-off point for the show at nuwho it really hammers in the doctor's love and admiration for humanity so well. also i love how every innocent life no matter how seemingly small is so important to nine it's one of my fav things about him ever

2. "only a killer would know that." this scene fucking haunts me and god truly it is something only rtd could write. goofy villain from that goofy two-parter having a dark and twisted conversation with nine on how many people they've killed and how sparing/saving people feels in the wake of all that. hello

1. EVERYBODY LIVES ROSE, JUST THIS ONCE. EVERYBODY LIVES!!! i did not experience this scene organically fun fact. bc i watch the hbomberguy sherlock sucks video essay on a semi regular basis as background drawing noise so it was the entire basis of my doctor who knowledge for a while before going in. and even out of context from the limited explanation of what's going on from the video essay i was kind of struck by it, like!! wow!! this is such a good line and i haven't even watched the show. and of course in context it's even better, bc nine spends his whole run practically soaked in death, we see it from the start, and over the course of the season he bonds w rose and lets himself feel hope and joy and starts to heal and just this once everybody lives. so good. this scene is special to me and i love u nine forever

[inkedinshadows]

Hello lovely people! 🌸

(snippet of fanfic at the end)

Hi everyone! I'm not exactly new here, but I've never really posted anything before. I lurked in the dark, sometimes appearing in someone's comments, but mainly silently devouring fanfic for Azriel because I'm such a sucker for our shadowsinger 🖤

But now that I've got a lot of free time on my hands, I've decided to give a shot at writing something of my own and share it with anyone who'd be willing (and kind enough) to read it.

And while I work on the final scenes of my first fic, I thought it could be a nice idea if maybe I introduced myself a little a bit? I don't know, maybe no one really cares, but maybe someone does? So here it is.

🌸 I'm Italian, so forgive me if there are some mistakes or some weird stuff, but don't feel bad about calling me out on it so I can improve ✨️ it's my first time writing something other than an essay or dissertation in English after all

🌸 My name is Yennifer (not very Italian, I know), but you can call me Yen or Yenni. Whatever you like works tbh

🌸 I started writing when I was 10 and the first thing I ever wrote was a crossover for Harry Potter and Narnia, in which Peter and Ginny ended up together. I actually rewrote the whole thing at 13, then again at 15, and then I started writing a sequel. When I tell you I made that my whole personality for a few years, I mean it

🌸 I studied Foreign Languages and Literatures in university (and hopefully it helped with mastering English enough to use it for fanfics) and I recently graduated. I'm currently waiting and praying for my admission to the Master program

🌸 I've always wanted to be a writer, but since now I'm old enough (22 lol) to realize I'm not sure I've got what it takes to plan, write and finish (they tell me this is an important part of it) a whole ass book, my dream job is translator: reading, writing and languages all in one. What else could I possibly want?

🌸 My favorite authors are Jay Kristoff, TJ Klune and Jojo Moyes. If we stick to classics, I love Oscar Wilde and a few Italian dudes probably not many know

🌸 I love the color blue in all its shades, so I like to think it as fate that Azriel's color is cobalt 💙

🌸 I am OBSESSED with music. I can't live without it and I'm not even exaggerating. If I'm not listening to music, then there's still music playing in my mind and it never shuts up. Sometimes it can even be a bit frustrating. But whether it's real or just in my head, music is playing 24/7 around here

🌸 In case you couldn't tell, I particularly like this flower emoji. I just think it's really cute and a nice change from the usual lil red heart

Now, before I wrap this up, here's the little snippet I promised. Enjoy!

His shadows lunged forward as if they wanted to reassure her, but he held them back. He approached her slowly, stopping just in front of her. He crouched down next to her and waited for her to meet his eyes before speaking.

“Let me help,” he said, unable to hide his concern any longer. He wanted to erase that haunted look from her eyes and he’d do anything to make her feel safe and protected again.

“You’re not alone, Y/N,” he continued, his tone gentle. In his mind, he was cursing himself for not having thought that she might experience this kind of problem. “I could help you. We can do it at your pace and stop whenever you wish.”

She stared into his eyes and it felt like an eternity passed before she nodded. Relief flooded his chest at her trust, her willingness to finally let someone help her.

[...]

Tears were streaming down her face and she sobbed, drawing her legs close to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. She began to rock back and forth and maybe she was begging for it to stop, to never start, maybe she was screaming or calling out for someone, maybe she wasn’t saying anything at all.

As that dark freezing water closed over her and pulled her under, she knew the pain would come soon. And there was nothing she could do to stop it. She was drowning and there was nothing she could do, nothing she could do, nothing she could…

A tender, gentle touch on her cheek. From far away, someone called her name. And among the chaos, the darkness, the crippling fear, she saw a pair of hazel eyes, soft and yet concerned. A male voice assuring her that she was safe, that he was with her.

She wanted to believe that voice, but the water was pulling her under, cold and dark and terrifying. And yet that gentle voice was still talking to her, those hazel eyes still looking into hers, and she tried to hold on to them, to not let it all slip away.

And then someone took her hand and suddenly she felt something thumping beneath her palm. A heartbeat, she realized. Life.

Heartbeat meant life. Not death, not pain.

Life.

Alright, I really hope you liked this and that it sparked your curiosity just enough to stick around to read the whole thing. I'll post it in the next few days, I just have to write the end.

Whether you've read the whole post or just skipped to the snippet, thank you so much and hopefully I'll see you again! 💙🌸🙈

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s2 episode 11 thoughts

okay!!!! i've kept you waiting long enough. now let's get into the things i liked about this episode while ignoring the stuff i didn't.

first. mulder walking into his office. and scully sitting there in the dark, watching a tape.

this had me HOWLING. how did she get in there? she keeps a key to his house and his office on hand at all times? the level of casualness with which he turned on the lights only for dana scully to be sitting in his office chair, as if it were the most natural of things in the world, floored me. she made herself welcome. she looks up and says hello.

then we get a little lore break to learn about the case and yeah yeah case stuff hold on. did she just say she got there at 6 am?

yes, you heard me correctly, she made her way into his office at 6 in the morning to watch the video and go through all of the related x files. i think i had tears in my eyes at this point and i definitely do now as i recount it. dana scully you are such a little weirdo and i love you so bad. i hope you enjoyed your time rummaging through his stuff. glad his space has really become yours as well.

and his entire lack of reaction to her being there pushed me even further over the edge. like, sure. at this point in their relationship, why not walk in to see her sitting at your desk and going through all your shit? the level of casual intimacy is at once so fucking funny and so heartwarming.

(a few weeks ago i was chatting with a friend about our top five favorite fictional characters, and i made the argument that scully and mulder ought to count as just one character for the sake of the ranking, because of how entirely they blend into one person. and her just being there when he opens the door- and having been there for hours at that point- really solidifies my reasoning. and i had made that argument BEFORE seeing any of s2, let alone this moment)

the next moment that had me laughing was when they went to the convalescent home (which wasn't a word i was familiar with before all of this) and our poor agents get stuck questioning a 74 year old man during his bath time. i already had a "oh noooo" feeling of dread about the whole situation- for how could the academy prepare them for this? and sure enough, he flashed them.

now, this was, like i mentioned in an earlier post, part of an attempt at social commentary that i could and might write an essay on- but let's set that aside here, and just deal with the fact that our poor agents have been put into such an awkward position, while understanding that the scene is being played for comedic value despite how awful that would be irl. because mulder smiles and says "thanks for sharing", while scully also bites back laughter. their faces at this moment had me laughing. it was such a "fuck my entire life" moment for both of them and i felt that extreme case of tv show-induced secondhand embarrassment.

and i think they handled it quite well!!! have we considered giving them a raise? for having to deal with all the haunted children and now creepy old men? god. their poor eyes. "thanks for sharing" stfu mulder... he cannot act seriously for ONE minute!!!!!!

there was another big ass coats moment when they walked outside and spoke with someone involved in running the program. and you know by now that's catnip to me!!!

one of the old men starts choking to death (he was taking mushroom pills he wasn't supposed to) and scully slips into Doctor Mode and it was deeply satisfying to watch. she starts saying fancy words and calling out for certain medications- "this man's in ventricular fibrillation, i need 75 milligrams of lidocaine and one amp of amphinephrine" and i'm sat there like yes. exactly right!!! she's doing serious doctor business!!!!

(i need to edit this image to make it appropriate for when her doctor mode takes over. because this is what i'm always referencing when i say someone is "shifting into ____ mode" and i don't think i've ever spelled that out before so i should here. have not seen seinfeld just saw this image one day and it permanently altered my vocabulary)

there's another moment where she's having a doctor-off with the dude who worked at the place and she said the line "the clinical benefits are marginal at best" and idk man i just like to see her doing her doctorly thing.

(she also gets very doctorly excited about the idea of there being improvements for incurable conditions such as alzheimer's and it's good to see some joy on her)

next thing that had me laughing:

"are you saying that the building's haunted? because if you are, i think you've been working with me for too long, scully" <- said in a flirtatious manner

don't remember what was going on at this point beyond someone had just fallen to death, but i wrote "another scully serving looks moment in the midst of tragedy" and i stand by it. this is really an epidemic. scully stop working angles in front of the dead... or don't because i'm not actually complaining <3

we also see mulder prowling down a dark and damp hall and cracking open a lock to break into a room. which seemed like a typical activity for a guy like him. literally just a tuesday in his life. he found a bunch of mushrooms and i made a frantic note reading along the lines of DO NOT TOUCH THEM because famously mushrooms WILL kill you but he seemed unharmed. thank god.

he's all, what if the mushrooms are what is helping the patients, and scully delivers this banger line: "mulder, mushrooms aren't medicine. they taste good on hamburgers, but they can't raise the dead"

which is 1. a hilarious fucking line just for its sheer ridiculousness, and 2. a critical insight into how scully orders her burgers... which i WILL be adding to my list of useless character facts

the episode winds down with mulder getting trapped in a room with rapidly rising water and we see the door SLAM right before scully can witness the ghosts tossing things about. and the commitment to that gag of her never actually seeing the paranormal stuff really got me there.

then, the door breaks due to the water, and everyone is soaking wet, which is always a good look.

overall, highlight of this episode to me was by far scully breaking into his office at 6 am. nothing will top that for me in terms of comedic value. it has become Her space now. she has claimed you mulder, there is no going back, you are in far too deep and thank god for that because you freaks deserve each other.

[highfiveheroes]

HELLO HELLO HELLO! some ch2 spoilers in here, so answer at any pace you choose, but: the entire buddy-with-a-knife scene (starting with "ee're out of rice") for the fic commentary ask. that WILL be living in my head and heart and soul forever, and it's CHILLING. please tell me all about it.

I LOVE THIS SCENEEEEEE this is going under the cut because it's gonna be LONG but!!! could not be more pleased to yell about this whole interaction

"We’re out of rice," Oisin announces. Ivy, who’s sitting at the bar sketching out their map, sighs.

"I thought Jace was getting us some?"

"Nope," Ruben says. He’s on the windowsill, his guitar draped across his lap as he picks a few chords over and over. "I didn’t tell him to. Nobody told me we were out."

this little intro scene is just. i LOVE writing everyone as a crew. they could all be somewhere else, if they really wanted, but why would they? i've talked before (and plenty of other people have made posts about it as well) regarding the sunk-cost fallacy of "we're in this together, we might as well stick around and see it through, we can't get away from it even if we wanted". ruben doesn't NEED to be playing his guitar around everyone, but he does, because he likes the company. oisin and ivy are always together. mary ann just likes having a place to sit. buddy and oisin are cooking together—they're probably the competent ones, the ones that have family recipes, etc. so it's like no, they don't NEED to all be together, but they do it anyway—and kipperlilly specifically needs to feel important, so she hangs around them, "supervising". also of note—ruben has to be Very Responsible. at this point porter and jace have pseudo-moved in, but the entire rest of the year there's been NO adult supervision, so he's had to be in charge of groceries and maintenance which is,,,, an issue. now that he has someone else he gives them all the things to worry about and takes a backseat, so he's missed way more. (plus, with him and buddy...yeah <3)

Buddy is by the stove, chopping meat or something. Kipperlilly happens to notice him stiffening, but she doesn’t think much of it for a moment.

"I didn’t even think we went through that much rice," Ivy mumbles, going back to her map.

"I made soup yesterday," Mary Ann reminds them, her game making a little cheering noise. "I told Oisin."

Kipperlilly doesn’t know where Jace is. She doesn’t think it’s important. It’s not. Right?

the little bits interspersed are so important to me as one of those "build the tension" choices. tell the action, have mundane thoughts, but the thoughts CANNOT give into the concern. if you don't think about it, it isn't happening! buddy's starting to look angry—i wonder where jace is. we're out of rice—buddy is just cutting meat. that's all. y'know? LOVED this trick it was very fun to write

"Well, fuck that, then. I guess we’re having pizza or something if there’s any in the fridge," Oisin mumbles.

Nobody’s left the house in days. Kipperlilly is standing by the doorway to the living room, surveying everyone like she always does. There’s something in the air, and it starts to get thicker when she sees Buddy slowly turn to Oisin.

another foreshadowing moment right? kipperlilly sees the writing on the wall, and she could probably say something, but she chooses not to. why would she? it's not going to affect her really. right? they're all in this together whether they want to be or not. but also, her judgement is so skewed now that there's a genuine chance that she doesn't see how severe the issue is until it's too late.

(and then maybe there's a sick part of her that likes seeing someone else's perfect façade crack. but that's subject to analysis at a different time. in fact, i could write a whole essay about my takes on buddy and kipperlilly as foils and why they'd be the perfect partners for ruben in a different life i mean what)

"No rice?" he asks. His voice is tight.

Oisin doesn’t turn around. He doesn’t seem worried. Kipperlilly wonders if he’s just stupid to have not felt the energy change.

"No rice," he confirms, shutting the cabinet. "So no fried rice for dinner."

"And no one thought to check for the ingredients beforehand?" Buddy asks. His voice is too calm. Kipperlilly’s hackles are raised.

He hasn’t put the knife down. It’s shaking in Buddy’s grip.

"Didn’t think we had to. My bad." Oisin raises his hands sarcastically, shaking them, and he doesn’t turn fast enough to see Buddy lunge at him, taking the knife, plunging it into his heart, dragging it down so that the fabric of his shirt and the scales of his chest rip with a sickening sound. Oisin chokes, gurgling, but it’s too late. He goes down before anyone else can react.

Kipperlilly saw all of it. She feels sick.

"Next time," Buddy announces, throwing the knife down, "we ought to check for ingredients before you make me start cutting up one of our Lord’s great creatures. Someone get started on that pizza." He looks down, sneering. "Otherwise, I might get a little hungry for something with scales."

THIS. so like. the take i have taken with the rage gems is that they slowly start to deteriorate the body they're in the longer they're in there. in the jace fics, you can see it REALLY evidently in how fast he spirals—like a parasite, right? and the more angry he gets, the more anger it wants the next time. it's like those little toys you get that are packed sand that you're supposed to chip away at. even saturated with water they're very hard to chip apart, until it All Crumbles At Once. goes to follow > kipperlilly had it first, but she accepted it, so her rate is slightly altered. jace had it the next longest, he starts losing it first. nobody else has the anger issues they have, but the catharsis of killing again and again is starting to accelerate it.

but buddy? who's only had the gem for a few days? he was so angry it happened in the first place, that his spiral has...well, he's much further along than kipperlilly at this point, let's say that. and it's only been a few days.

but he's got to act on it, right? he's spent so long without getting angry at all, and then he was so furious that when he finally was taken inventory of, his base rate was NOWHERE where it normally is. so his spiral takes him So Far Away from who he normally is. his personality does a complete 180.

but he's also spent so long working with the passive aggressive niceties of the church of helio (read: that sweet and southern "bless your heart" attitude, obfuscating what you really want to say and how you feel, etc) that he's brilliant at it with everyone else. but he's spent a year watching these fuckers kill each other in cold blood for things like cereal milk. he can let go with them. and let go he does!!!

Ivy, who also had a front-row seat to her best friend’s murder, looks deathly pale as she gags, then runs out of the room. She’s never seen Oisin murdered like that before, Kipperlilly remembers. Her own lips shake as she licks them.

"He’s gonna stain the floor," Mary Ann says. She didn’t look up.

this is another one of those moments that is just. they're kids, being kids. hanging out. right? and there's a LOT happening behind the scenes that kipperlilly hasn't been privy to of her own accord (ie. too dialed into her own shit...like a certain wannabe god.)

kipperlilly doesn't bother herself with details like who cleans up all the blood and violence. ruben probably has cleaners, right? but even if he doesn't, it genuinely doesn't have any affect on her if mary ann is the one on her knees scrubbing the blood out of the carpet and the tile and the walls. it started when she was the one causing the biggest messes, and it ended when oisin landed on the floor in this scene. she can mop it up, but there's no point in stopping it from staining. (to be fair, mary ann would never TELL kipperlilly or anyone this, so kip may not have even known even if she showed signs of empathy.)

and then...ivy. sweet ivy, who has been crushing on oisin since they were thirteen and is properly in love with him now and pissed that he won't notice her because he's so obsessed with adaine abernant. and she knew they wouldn't make it out of here alive, but when someone like ruben kills oisin, it's not quite so...vicious. there's a layer of respect still, one of those "i respect you still, you can kill me this way later, we'll be okay, this isn't personal." but with buddy there's none of that. this is his first murder (yay!) and he just fucking BODIES oisin for something that wasn't even really his fault, and the fact that they HEAR it? and it brings up a second point she hasn't been aware of—that she may have to watch oisin die. there's SO MUCH MORE with oisin and ivy that i'm getting into when i get to writing their aside for this universe but like...guys. this was brutal for more reasons than just what it appears. and kipperlilly misses ALL OF IT.

"You’re the cleric," Kipperlilly reminds Buddy, her voice surprisingly steady. "You have to revive him."

Buddy glares at her with such vitrol that she physically steps away. "I’m aware. I will do it when I’m ready. I have ten minutes, don’t I?"

Kipperlilly almost argues, but it’s easier to just nod. Buddy takes the meat he was cutting and dumps it in the sink, turning on the disposal and leaving it running as he pushes past Kipperlilly into the rest of the house. She doesn’t look at Oisin; Mary Ann is probably right, and the tile is probably going to be stained worse than it was before, but she doesn’t look to see how much blood there is. For the first time, she doesn’t think she can stomach it.

She decides to give it eight minutes before she bothers Buddy about it again, so she starts counting.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen…

okay this!!! i am not the most familiar with dnd mechanics, but (as you and i have discussed previously jade LOL) this is definitely a moment of the cleric realizing he can play god. he's in control of life or death in a way he hasn't been before, and he's spent all year watching these fuckers turn on each other, and he's taking the chance of "oisin is probably going to stabilize, and if he doesn't, i'll deal with it later." i think they have a 10 minute rule amongst the group because after that it can verge into actual feelings of mourning, and that's not fun for anyone involved. (yes, it's usually an immediate revive, but the ten minute thing is something they've all had discussions about when it's brought up, so like. it's still a fact, even if they've never used the full ten minutes before.)

and the counting...i've noticed that i have a habit of incorporating some of those "calming yourself down" tricks into characters who are vaguely unstable. i think it makes sense for kipperlilly though, that when she's scared or upset, jawbone had tried to encourage her to take that moment of "try counting, get your mind onto something steady with an end goal, see if that doesn't help" sort of thing. so she gives herself a set time limit and starts counting, and that way she doesn't have to worry about the body on the floor.

(another note though: kipperlilly is for sure also haunted by what the hell just happened, because she came to the same conclusion that ivy did, that rage-starred buddy is a completely different beast than regular buddy and it probably shook her down to her core. just a fun little thing <3)

so!! i intentionally didn't include a lot in this scene, but it's also SO FUCKING MUCH to me. personally. there's a lot happening behind the scenes that's going to come out in later chapters and asides, but. god i love this. thank you for asking and letting me ramble LMAO