#HI CHAT ITS BEEN 2 MONTHS SINCE I STARTED THIS IM GOING TO DIE

[darkmagiciang1rl]

Ame when you dont respond to her dm for 0000.1 seconds:

[sebscore]

part 2 to the Ollie x leclerc!reader where she’s at an f3 race watching her brother and Ollie

HER BAKU BEAU

pairings: charles leclerc x sister!reader / ollie bearman x leclerc!reader / arthur leclerc x sister!reader / lorenzo leclerc x sister!reader 

warnings: swearing. francesco is made up lol.

author’s note: lol yall know I had to write about this weekend, cause charles + ollie absolutely carried!! its not a f3 race, but im sure this is good as well :)

masterlist

• • • • • • •

''I can't believe mum let me go.'' Y/N told Ollie over the phone, sitting almost alone in the airport lounge as she waited for her plane to start boarding. 

She could hear her boyfriend chuckle on the other side. ''I'm grateful for her, though. You're gonna see me race tomorrow.'' His excited tone put a smile on her face, touched that he was so happy to see her. 

''I just can't miss any of it; you got pole, charles got pole- I just have to be there!'' 

It had been a task convincing her mother to let her go to the Grand Prix, usually only going when it was during school breaks or if it was in Monaco, Italy or France. However, Charles' pole position and the fact that she didn't have school on Monday had helped her case immensely, and Pascale agreed to let her attend the GP. 

The youngest Leclerc was instructed by her mother to listen to her brothers no matter what- something Arthur was definitely going to abuse- but aside from that, she had trust in her daughter and knew she wouldn't do anything reckless or dangerous. 

''It was the craziest lap, I swear!'' Ollie exclaimed, recalling the chaos that was his final lap after damaging his car. ''It could have gone so wrong.'' 

''Yeah, but it didn't! It was perfect, you were perfect.'' Y/N smiled. 

''Thank you, darling.'' 

The term of endearment had blood rushing to her cheeks, she glanced around the lounge and hoped no one noticed her flustered state. ''You're welcome.'' 

''I can hear you blushing.'' Ollie laughed. 

Little Leclerc scoffed. ''I am not! I'm not blushing.'' She lied, pressing her palm to her cheek as a way to cool herself down. 

''You are! It's okay, I'm your boyfriend. I'm supposed to make you blush.'' The Brit said, matter-of-factly. 

'Your boyfriend'

They had been together for about 6 months yet she still wasn't used to Ollie referring to himself as her boyfriend. Not in a bad way, in a 'this feels like a dream and I'm going to wake up any minute'-way. 

''This is the pre-boarding call for flight 91B to Baku. We are now inviting any passengers requiring special assistance to begin boarding at this time. Please have your identification and boarding pass ready.'' The monotone female voice announced over the speakers. 

''Hey, Ollie. I have to go board now.'' Y/N was still underage so she fell under the 'special assistance' category. ''I'll see you tomorrow, alright?'' She bid him goodbye. 

''Yeah, let me know when you've landed.'' It wasn't late in Azerbaijan, but she could recognize the fatigue in Ollie's voice. 

''You'll be sleeping, though.'' She chuckled, knowing she would arrive quite late in the evening and that the Prema driver would be getting the much needed sleep for his sprint race tomorrow. 

He shrugged his shoulders. ''So? I know it will like unconsciously make me feel assured that you landed safely.'' He reasoned, his explanation warming her heart. 

''You really are a charmer, huh?'' Y/N got up from her seat and grabbed her suitcase, moving to the right gate. 

She could hear a small laugh on the other side. ''If you say so.'' 

''I'm going to board now- I'll see you tomorrow, bye bye!'' 

''Can't wait! Bye, love!'' And with that the couple ended their call. 

Before pulling her boarding pass and ID out of her bag, she sent a quick text to their sibling group chat. Since she was travelling on her own, Lorenzo wanted her to give as many updates as she could. 

| Little Leclerc: boarding now, will text when we take off x 

| Thur Thur: don't die 🙂

| Enzo TL: Have a safe flight! See you soon, chérie! X 

| Enzo TL: Arthur, be nice! 

| Charlito: safe flight, bébé :) ❤️

| Charlito: tell the staff if you need anything!! 

| Thur Thur: she's 17, not 7 😒

| Enzo TL: you are the only one acting like a 7 year-old! 😙

''He's on pole again!'' The atmosphere in the Ferrari garage was out of this world as Charles took the pole position in the sprint shootout. Everyone clapped and was thrilled the Monégasque was able to retain the top position. 

Andrea urged Y/N to follow him to Parc Fermé with some of the other Scuderia crew to celebrate another pole position for her brother behind the fence. 

''Charlie!'' The voice of his sister grabs his attention and he made his way over to the youngest Leclerc and his trainer. Charles pulled her into a hug, kissing the side of her head. ''Two pole positions!'' She said, holding up two fingers. 

''I didn't think we would be able to pull that off.'' Charles sighed, putting his bracelets on that Andrea handed to him. 

They nodded at him, understanding his doubt. ''But you did it! Now we have to get ready for the sprint and push as much as we can.'' His trainer encouraged him, wanting Charles to be as positive as possible.  

''Cha, I think you have to go do your interview.'' Y/N pointed behind him, seeing the F1TV staff waiting for the Ferrari driver. 

Charles let out a deep breath, not in the mood and just wanting to prepare himself for the sprint race. ''I'll be right back.'' He begrudgingly turned around and walked over to the interviewer and cameraman, still politely greeting them. 

Y/N tried focusing on Charles as he spoke to the woman, but Andrea lightly pushed her shoulder with his. She glanced at him in confusion. ''What?'' 

''For F2- which garage are you going to?'' 

She scoffed at the question, a shy smile forming on her lips. ''You're really asking me that?'' 

The Italian shrugged his shoulders. ''I'm curious.'' The teasing smirk on his face was evidence that it was more than simple curiosity. 

''I'm going to Thur's garage.'' She answered, looking down at her shoes. 

She'd had this exact conversation with Lorenzo the night before in the car. Although, it was a bit more serious than the one she was having with Andrea at the moment. 

Her and Ollie had agreed to keep their relationship private for as long as circumstances allowed it. They were both aware certain fans could get a little crazy and Y/N already received hate comments for simply being Charles' sister, something she couldn't exactly control. 

So, showing up at the Prema Racing garage wouldn't exactly be ''low key'' as Enzo had explained it to her. 

''He won't say it, but Thur really wants you in his garage.'' Her older brother told her while driving back to their hotel. ''He really likes Ollie, but you're his sister, you know? I think if you would stand with the Prema's, he would think that you're not rooting for him.'' 

Y/N understood what he meant, and deep down she knew it was more important to stand on Arthur's side. Her brother might tease and annoy her, but he deeply loves her and her support means everything to him. 

The sudden reappearance from Charles brought her back to the present. 

''Here,'' he put the cap he had been given on her head, ''you can have it.'' It was obvious he wasn't a fan of the beglittered cap that functioned as a prize for winning the sprint shootout. 

''Thanks, I guess.'' Y/N chuckled. 

Charles patted her head. ''Maybe you should start heading to the F2 paddock, you don't want to be late.'' 

''Francesco is taking me later.'' His sister answered. Francesco was part of the Scuderia Ferrari crew, but also worked with the FDA drivers. He had offered to take Y/N with him to the DAMS garage since he had to check up on both Arthur and Ollie. 

Her brother nodded. ''Good, don't want you to get lost again.'' He teased, jokingly rolling his eyes at the reminder of Silverstone last year. 

''Hey! That was Arthur's fault, he shouldn't have left me alone.'' She defended herself, not liking the implication that she had gotten lost by herself while it was Arthur that had decided to leave her all by herself in the Prema hospitality. 

Charles smirked at her. ''You got a boyfriend out of it, didn't you? You should be a little more grateful to Arthur.'' 

Y/N slapped her brother's arm, much to the amusement of the Ferrari crew and nearby lurking reporters, their cameras capturing the moment between the siblings. 

Charles glimpsed at something behind her, pointing his finger. ''Francesco's there, I'll see you later, okay?'' He pulled his sister in a quick hug again, bidding her goodbye. 

''Bye, Cha!'' 

The walk to the F2 paddock and garages wasn't too long and the good weather made it more enjoyable as well. She knew Francesco from when Charles joined the academy so they were well acquainted with one another. 

While making their way to the DAMS garage, Y/N and Francesco pass the Prema one. The youngest Leclerc slowed down, confusing the older man next to her as he had no idea about the relationship between her and Ollie. 

The feeling of disappointment sneaked up on her when Ollie wasn't in sight. She'd hoped she would be able to get a glimpse of him before the sprint race started, not having seen him for a few weeks now. 

However, his dad and trainer noticed her. David and Jamie nodded their heads, subtly greeting her. Y/N reciprocated the action, happy she at least got to see part of his team. 

Once she arrived at the French team's camp, she was met by Lorenzo warming Arthur up for his race. ''Took you long enough.'' Arthur joked, almost missing the ball that his older brother dropped out of his hand. 

''I wish I had one of those electric steps, they'd really help me out.'' She said, sitting down on one of the empty chairs. 

Francesco shook hands with both brothers. ''I'll take over, Enzo.'' The Monégasque nodded in appreciation and handed over the tennis balls to the older man, and sat down next to his sister. 

''Nice hat.'' He snickered, resulting in Y/N rolling his eyes at him. ''So, uh, you've seen Ollie yet?'' Lorenzo asked, whispering the last part of his question. 

The youngest Leclerc sibling shook her head. ''No, we passed by Prema, but I only saw his dad and Jamie.'' She explained to him. 

Lorenzo nodded along to her words. ''He did really good yesterday, getting pole with a damaged car and a steering wheel that's not hanging right- absolutely crazy!'' 

Y/N beamed at her brother's small summary of Ollie's amazing qualifying from the day before, delighted he had nothing but nice words for her boyfriend. ''I know! I watched it during recess, I was like, trying not to start yelling.'' 

''I can imagine,'' her older brother smiled, ''but you're here for your brother now, okay? So don't start screaming for Prema when you're in the DAMS garage.'' His tone turned more serious, almost sounding like he was scolding the young girl. 

''Of course. I'm happy to be here, Enzo.'' She shrugged his words off, understanding what he was trying to tell her. 

He simply nodded and focused himself back on the other youngster. ''I think it's time to get in the car, Tutur.'' Lorenzo told Arthur who sighed, but gave himself an encouraging nod. 

Before walking over towards his engineer, the youngest brother stopped next to his sister. ''I know I'm starting behind your boyfriend, but root for me, okay?'' Arthur pointed at himself, as if solidifying that she's there for him. 

Y/N gave him a side hug. ''You really think I would come all the way here to not support you?'' Her brother's words surprised her, Arthur wasn't usually the one to explicitly ask for her support. 

''Merci, bébé,'' a soft smile found its way to the Monégasques' face, ''okay, bye now.'' Arthur pinched her side, causing his sister to pull away from him in annoyance. 

''I was worried you two actually got along for a second.'' Lorenzo commented, holding both of his siblings' shoulders and moving them to the garage. 

''LECLERC LOST IT AS WELL!'' The commentary of Alex Brundle sounds as Arthur retired from the race, almost crashing into the wall. Y/N let out a deep breath as he stepped out of his car, relieved her brother seemed visibly not in pain. 

She took a glance at the leaderboard and saw Ollie overtaking Frederic before the safety car was called. A soft smile planted itself on her face, before it was wiped away by the sight of the disappointed mechanics as their two drivers didn't finish the race. 

While they waited for Arthur to get back, Y/N and Lorenzo followed the remainder of the sprint race which finished under the safety car, and Ollie took his first win of the season. 

The young girl was over the moon for her boyfriend, knowing how much the first three races had let him down. However, the way Arthur stormed passed her and Lorenzo didn't give her enough time to enjoy the moment. 

''Arthuro, calm down!'' Lorenzo told his younger brother, not a fan of the defeated Arthur that sat in front of him. 

His hands went through his hair, his behaviour screaming frustration. ''I fucked up! Why did I fucking stay behind Théo?'' He muttered to himself. 

''There was a lot going on, you just got distracted.'' Y/N tried comforting him. The restart had been absolute chaos, a total of 6 cars retiring from the race. 

Arthur's head shot up at her words. ''That's the thing! I shouldn't have gotten distracted!'' 

''Hey! Pipe down, okay? No need to be yelling at your sister.'' Lorenzo argued, not a fan of his agitated tone and loud voice. 

The driver loudly sighed, but mumbled a quiet ''sorry''. He took a few more moments to calm himself down, before glimpsing at his sister. ''Shouldn't you go celebrate your boyfriend?'' 

The usual teasing Arthur momentarily came back, a small smirk hanging on his lips. ''I want to be here with you, Thur.''  

His gaze softened at his sister's sweetness. Arthur didn't say anything further, simply reaching his arms out for her and pulling her into a hug. ''I hate it when you're nice to me.'' 

''Don't lie, you bimbo.'' Y/N chuckled, not letting the hug last long due to his sweating. ''Please, take a shower- you smell.'' She pushed her brother away. 

''Alright, alright.'' 

| ollie 🧸: fred and his team are gone :) 

| ollie 🧸: just me, dad and jamie 

| y/n ❤: 5 minutes x

She wanted to slap the teasing smiles off of her brothers’ faces as she bid them goodbye. ''If you're not at the exit on time, I'm personally knocking that door down and dragging you back home.'' Lorenzo semi-threatened her, a lame attempt at making a stern face. 

''Yeah, yeah. I'll be there.'' Y/N promised her brother, quickly making her way out of the door and to her boyfriend's driver room. 

All of the F2 team rooms were on the same floor so it didn't take her long to arrive at the Prema room. She knocked three times and opened the door. 

The three men inside glanced up from their phone, the youngest one immediately standing up and taking a few big steps towards her. ''Hey!'' Ollie engulfed her in a hug, his head resting on her shoulder. 

''Congratulations, race winner!'' Y/N giggled, rubbing his back. 

''It was fucking crazy-''

''Language, Oliver.'' David interrupted him, reminding his son that he needed to drop the swearing. 

Ollie rolled his eyes. ''Sorry, dad,'' he apologised, his cheeks colouring red, ''it was really really crazy- like suddenly a bunch of cars were out and I was in P2. I knew the safety car was coming out so I quickly overtook Fred and-'' 

''Ollie, breathe.'' His girlfriend interrupted his rambling, watching him getting out of breath as his chest went up and down at a fast pace. 

The Prema driver looked taken aback, but nodded his head and took a deep breath. ''Yeah, anyway- it was amazing. I hope Arthur's okay, though.'' He had seen how his former teammate didn't finish, but wasn't aware of the circumstances. 

''Yeah, he just got distracted by the entire mess and couldn't get out of it.'' Y/N explained to them, pouting at the reminder of her brother's DNF. 

The three of them nodded. ''That happens sometimes, it was indeed a mess.'' Jamie sympathised. 

''Here,'' Ollie grabbed her shoulder and pointed at the chair he was previously sitting on, ''sit down, sit down.'' He gently guided her forward to sit down. 

Y/N swiftly shook her head. ''No, no. You just did a race, I'll stand- it's not a problem.'' 

The gears in the young man's head seemed to stop working as he simply stared at her, not expecting her to refuse the seat and offer it to him. ''Uh, no, I- uh…'' Ollie stuttered. 

''You know what, kids? We have to go do something so behave in here, alright?'' David interrupted his son once again, sensing an awkward moment coming up and wanting to save him from that. 

His dad and Jamie got up from their seats and moved out of the driver's room, his trainer sending him a wink before closing the door. 

The couple slowly found each other's eyes, bursting out in laughter once they were sure the two men were gone. ''He's so embarrassing, I swear.'' Ollie sighs, taking his dad's original seat. 

''At least they left us alone- Enzo would rather die than leave the two of us alone.'' Y/N retorted, sitting down on Ollie's chair. 

The Brit laughed at her words, despite knowing it was 100% the truth. ''Yeah, I guess- anyway, I'm happy you're here.'' A soft smile formed on his face and he grabbed her hand that laid on the armrest. 

The Monégasque mirrored his expression. ''Me too. I really missed you.'' She squeezed his hand, sending a wink his way. 

''I missed you too. These last weeks have been hectic and as much as I love our Facetimes- it's been really hard not seeing you in person.'' He confessed. 

Ollie didn't want to make her feel bad about all the time they've spent apart the last weeks. Their schedules simply never seemed to align. When he had days off, she was busy with school and when she wasn't studying, he had to train or compete. 

Y/N pouted at his words. ''It's been hard for me too. My brothers see you more than I do,'' she teased, ''but I'm here now.'' The young girl smiled at her boyfriend. 

''Yeah, I'm really happy about that.'' Ollie intertwined their hands, less shy about showing affection now that they were alone. 

''So you're planning on doing a clean sweep or what?'' Y/N chuckled, remembering he had been first in every session during the ongoing weekend. 

The Prema driver shook his head, chuckling as well. ''The team has been doing so great this weekend- it would be nice to take the win tomorrow and it would be even better if you could come watch me on the podium…'' He trailed off, a sneaky look on his face. 

''You know people will talk about it if I show up there and Thur isn't on the podium.'' She told him, carrying a doubtful expression. 

Ollie nodded, understanding her concerns. ''Yeah and for all I know, I might not even end up on the podium so maybe we're worrying over nothing.'' He mumbled the last bit under his breath, the possibility of something going wrong clouding his mind. 

Y/N noticed and shuffled her chair closer to him. ''Hey,'' her hand cupped his cheek, ''you're gonna win tomorrow, like- don't tell Arthur this- but you're owning everyone right now.'' 

Her boyfriend chuckled at her words, his loving gaze settling on her. ''This weekend has just been so perfect… I don't know, you've seen my luck so far this season. I'm just scared that something is gonna go wrong.'' Ollie confided in her, voicing the thoughts in his head. 

''Nothing will go wrong tomorrow! You put a damaged car on pole, Ollie!'' She laughed, gently pushing his shoulder. ''You're gonna do amazing and you're gonna make history.'' 

''You seem to have a lot of fate in me.'' Ollie smirked, his girlfriend's words making him feel better about himself and his race tomorrow. 

Y/N teasingly rolled her eyes. ''If you don't like it, I can go and support someone else- what's his name again, Zane?'' She pretended to want to support his rival instead of him, knowing it would annoy him. 

''Hey! Not fair!'' Ollie exclaimed, lightly giving her arm a tap. ''Me and Arthur are the only people you should support. Not the Barbados boy.'' He whined to her, trapping her in a hug. 

The girl laughed into his neck, happy to get such a response out of her boyfriend. The couple stayed like that for a little while, enjoying each other's company and appreciating the time they were spending together. 

''Bear, what time is it?'' Y/N asked him, suddenly remembering her promise to Lorenzo. 

Ollie pulled out his phone from his pocket. ''Uh, 17:08.'' He answered, putting it back. 

''Shit! I have to go.'' Her loud reactions to his words made him flinch as she jumped up from his arms. ''I promised Enzo I would be at the exit in like 2 minutes or he would bust down the door.'' She explained hastily upon seeing Ollie's puzzled face. 

''He's not gonna break the door.'' The Brit snickered before glancing at his girlfriend's serious expression. ''Alright, he might break down the door. I'll see you later.'' He pecked her cheek, swallowing down his disappointment she had to go already. 

''Don't forget we're getting ice cream later!'' She reminded him of their little date later in the evening. 

''No, no! I'll be there!''

''You better, Bearman!'' 

''OLIVER BEARMAN WHO WON THE SPRINT RACE YESTERDAY AND NOW HE LOOKS UP AND SEES THE CHEQUERED FLAG AS THE WINNER OF THE FEATURE! OLIVER BEARMAN DOES THE DOUBLE IN BAKU! WHAT A WEEKEND FOR THE BRITISH DRIVER!'' 

Y/N had a hard time to not freak out and start screaming as she watched her boyfriend do something no one F2 driver had done before, not even her own brother had been able to do it 6 years before. 

Lorenzo took a glance at his sister next to him, noticing the obvious joy on her face. 

He nudged her shoulder. ''He did great, didn't he?'' Her oldest brother whispered, an unfeigned smile present. 

She shyly looked at him, glancing down at her shoes. ''Yeah… I'm very proud of him.'' Her words came out quite slowly as she didn't want the people around them to hear who she was talking about. 

A conflicting thought rushed through Lorenzo's mind, something that might have repercussions that wouldn't be able to be reversed later. 

''How about you go to Charles already? I'm sure he'd love to spent some time with you before his race.'' Her brother didn't look at her while talking, focusing himself on Arthur's car that was making its way back into the DAMS garage. 

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows, confused as to why she would leave without them. ''But what about you and Thur?'' She asked him, turning towards him. 

''He still has to debrief with the team and we don't want you to be bored with that,'' he explained, still not sparing her a glance, ''you should go now, honey. The podium ceremony is gonna start and you don't want to be stuck in the crowd, do you?'' 

Her face brightened once she understood what he was actually saying. He wants her to be there for Ollie when he takes the top step of the podium. 

''Yeah, I'll get going then,'' she took off her headset and gave it to her brother, ''tell Thur I'm proud of him.'' She swiftly added, feeling slightly bad about leaving before saying anything to Arthur. 

''I will, now go.'' Lorenzo gave her a little push. 

Y/N scattered out of the DAMS garage, trying hard not to look like a fool as she tried to walk as fast as she could to Parc Fermé. She hoped she would be on time and not miss it, cause otherwise it wasn't worth it speeding past all these people and almost running into them. 

Ollie, Enzo and Théo already stood on the podium when she finally made it there, relief going through knowing that she wasn't too late for his special moment. The youngest Leclerc slowed down her steps, wanting to stay for as long as she could without being photographed or appearing on the large screen. 

The British national anthem started playing, Ollie visibly scanning the crowd in hopes he would spot a certain person. 

Luckily for him, he found her. 

It was like fate had schemed the moment; Y/N looked up at Ollie right as he looked down at her- their eyes finding one another. 

A rush of confidence went through Ollie's body, aware of the incredible feat he just achieved that won't be repeated any time soon. They held eye contact, and the young girl nearly stopped in her tracks as she shared a special moment with the boy she had grown very fond of over the last 9 months. 

Ollie surprised by sending a wink her way, clearly not having done it a lot as he closed both of his eyes while doing it. Her cheeks flushed, flustered by the unexpected action that put a small smile on the Brit's face. 

Despite her unhurried steps, she had reached the end of Parc Fermé. In a moment of bravery, she gave her boyfriend a quick wave before making her way to the Ferrari hospitality. 

Y/N pulled out her phone and opened her Whatsapp, typing a message she knew would make the Prema driver laugh. 

| y/n ❤: very proud of u, oliver winkman x 

Liked by olliebearman, arthur_leclerc and 112.628 others

ynleclerc a nice weekend in baku 🇦🇿 I’m very proud of my brother and the entire ferrari team 🏎️🧸🚦🥉

View all 1.016 comments

| lorenzotl family time 😍

— ynleclerc ❤️

| charles_leclerc merci, bébé!❤️

— ynleclerc ❤️

| piarlesfanforlife NOT THE CAT PIC 😭 Y/N YOURE TOO FUNNY

| ferratifosi1655 the leclerc siblings >>>>

| scuderia_ferrari Grazie, Y/N! ❤️ Cut The Cat will miss you!

— ynleclerc I will miss him too! 🐈‍⬛😢

| gino_rosato FAMILY ❤️

| sharl1lechair6 the hug between Y/N and charles at the podium was the highlight of the race

| softforbearman8 the teddy bear emoji… and ollie liked the post… 👀

— sainzleclercfan pls don’t 😒 that is such a stretch

— softforbearman8 it’s just an observation!

— centraleclercs wasn’t Y/N dating paul aron? I swear that was a thing 🤔

— formulaofaron it was a rumour a while ago, but nothing was ever confirmed

— sainzleclercfan Charles made a Instagram story weeks ago asking for privacy! Haven’t you learned by now to just leave their family alone? 😤

taglist :: @missskid @maxiel-jpg @glitterquadricorn @stillbreathin @obsessed-fan-alert @booknerd2004-blog @kageyamama-hinatatata @reblog-princess-blog @maezenin12 @gly-exe @lighttsoutlewis @topguncultleader @jaydensluv @nora_moon @erinisrightheree @7leb-kakaw @theamazingsimp @lovelyxlily @princessmiaelicia @mehrmonga @champomiel @rowansshit @mbappebby @maemaesthoughts @g4ns3y @im_mi @gracesferrari @67-angelofthelordme-67 @harrysdimple05 @ijustwantavacation @livinglifebeingme @Judgemental-Raven

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[hauntedbythefanficsofmypast]

Betrothal Pt. 2

When Marinette receives Tikki she is freaked out at first but quickly has her explain what she can do as Ladybug, before transforming and taking the Akuma out easily without Chats help.

 She still does the speech to Paris after taking out Hawkmoth's butterfly face thingy.

Alix and Nathaniel are already in her bedroom by the time she gets back, both immediately knowing that Ladybug was their Marinette.

The next day Marinette has Alya claiming they were best friends, she decides to give the girl a chance but doesn't actually bring her into her personal friend group. Plus she really doesnt like that Alya 100% believes that she has a crush on Adrien, all because she had a picture from his recent shoot that she was going to put on her inspiration board.

Alya ignores that and gets all the girls except Alix in on trying to get them together. Marinette continuously tries to get them to stop but after a while she gives up.

Marinette also goes over footage of her fights pointing out to Tikki how under trained Chat Noir is.

"Tikki I'm not doing this because I want a new partner. I'm doing this because I don't want him to die, which he will if we don't train him properly! Stop thinking about this so-called Guardian and think about Chat Noir's life!"

Tikki relents and the next night she and Chat have a heart to heart. She explains to him that she isnt in love with him and won't be, she tells him she's been betrothed since birth. At first Chat points out that the holders are supposed to be soulmates, but Ladybug points out that if anything they are platonic soulmates. She tells him that she wants them to know each other's identities because they are partners and they need to trust each other with their lives. She tells him she'll only allow it if he agrees to begin training with her. Chat Noir agrees and they reveal themselves both a little shocked.

The next day Adrien quits Fencing without telling his father or Nathalie and goes to Marinette's house to begin training with her,  Alix, and Nathaniel.

Adrien realizes after a month that he only thinks of Marinette as a sister. He starts to get annoyed when the boys, except Nathaniel, try pushing him to ask her out.

When it's almost summer Marinette tells Tikki that she is going to Gotham for the summer. Tikki goes to the Guardian and Fu gives her Kaalki in order for Marinette to travel back and forth for attacks.

When the school year ends Marinette's mother is waiting in the car with Marinette's bags on the last day. She kisses Alix Adrien and Nathaniel's cheeks telling them to keep training while she is gone, and promises to be safe. The rest of the class quickly surrounds her asking where she's going and why she isn't spending the summer with them.

"I'm going to Gotham. I go every other year, this is nothing new. I've been doing this for years."

Alya makes a big stink about her 'bestie' leaving and the class tries to convince her to stay. This upsets Alix and Nathaniel, both know the class never cared before, they didn't even help stand up to bullies. Adrien himself wants her to stay but he can see how much she wants to see Damian, so he just kisses her cheeks gently and wishes her a safe trip before opening the door for her. Marinette thanks him as she gets in waving goodbye to her friends before they drive away.

During the school year Damian meets and befriends Jon Kent. At first they dont get along but Damian warms up to him. Damian is proud of Marinette when she becomes a hero, and that their friends are training hard to be ones as well. He even gets permission from Bruce to allow Marinette to train and patrol with them.

Dick and Damian pick Marinette up from the airport and soon everyone in Gotham is talking about Marinette being back. What's even more talked about over the summer is the small dates the two begin to go on.

Halfway through the summer Damian admits to Marinette that he is in love with her and that even if they weren't betrothed he'd still want to marry her. Marinette kisses him softly telling him that she feels exactly the same.

Marinette is excited when she first patrols Gotham with Damian and Dick by her side taking the name Bluebird. 

Bluebird mainly patrols with Nightwing, they both take on Bludhaven side by side. Bluebird patrols  with Robin and Batman every Sunday. Her mandatory night off is on Friday with Robin both of them labeling it their date nights.

Soon after making her debut as Bluebird Marinette discovers Tiktok, and a treasure trove of videos featuring the Wayne family and the Batfamily. She immediately creates two Tiktoks after getting a second phone under a fake identification. This phone is strictly for Bluebird, and so is the Tiktok.

Marinette's favorite Tiktoks are the ones saying that Bruce Wayne is Batman because the butts match. Her Tiktok blows up when her first video is posted.

It starts off with Marinette smiling at the camera with Damian and Bruce standing behind her. When Bruce turns around she gasps opening her eyes widely and whispers to the camera. "Omg...the butts match!"

Marinette continues to make videos of the entire family without any of them noticing, both as Marinette and Bluebird. Both accounts are verified within a week. She posts multiple videos a day all featuring a different member.

The most popular video of Dick is him hanging upside down from a chandelier all smiles while Damian is a few feet away looking up at him.

Damian-It's going to fall.

Dick-No after the first couple times Dad got this one reinforced so it wouldn't.

Tim walked past literally drinking from a coffee pot-No he got the one near the West sitting room reinforced.

Dick looks up when the ceil creaks and a second layer he and the chandelier are falling

Dick-Shi-!!

The video then cuts off.

Jason's most popular video is him blindfolded as he puts a gun back together in seconds not knowing Bruce is behind him.

Jason- Impressive right?

Bruce- I thought I said no guns in the manor

Jason screams before calming down- Oh its you I thought it was Alfred.

Alfred- Master Jason

Jason screams and tries to run with the blindfold still on but runs into a wall.

Tim's popular video is multiple clips of Tim right as he passes out and falls with a loud thump. After three clips people here three voices yelling Timber in the background after he faints. The last video shows Tim knocking over a bookcase only to look at Marinette confused when he hears Timber screamed from three different parts of the manor.

( @daddybats-and-babybirds Hello! So I saw your headcanon a while back and really liked it. If you're seeing this I tried to find you on Tumblr to ask for permission but couldn't. If you don't want me using this please message me and I will remove it immediately! Thank you!)

Cass's popular video is very sweet. It's different clips of her taking care of and spending time with her family. The first clip is her slowly reading aloud curled up next to Bruce, the next is her pushing a chair underneath Dick as he goes to sit down after Jason pulled the other one out without him realizing. Third is her gently cleaning a cut Jason got after falling from a tree. Fourth is her covering Tim with a blanket and moving his work onto the table. Fifth is her painting Stephanie's nails while Barbara does Stephanie's hair for a date. Six is her carefully moving Damian to his room trying not to wake him up. Seven is her helping Alfred during spring cleaning, and eighth is her posing in some of Marinette's clothes as the boys help with lighting and Stephanie takes the pictures.

Bluebird's Tiktok features a lot of videos of her flipping around and laughing wildly as a few older villains run away yelling about the second coming of the first Robin. After every  one of those videos another is posted of Nightwing bent over cackling at what the villains yelled. Everyone in Gotham is thrilled when it's confirmed that Nightwing is actually the first Robin, all recognizing the cackle. A few videos feature the Batfamily arguing through body gestures without saying anything, she'll flip the camera around to show her grinning and writing will pop up saying what they were arguing about. Most of the time is about getting food while on patrol, but one time Red Hood insulted Nightwings butt. The two most popular videos are one where she is a few feet behind Batman and all you see is his cape and head, and she has "Bruce Wayne???" written in. The second is Red Robin sitting in the back of an ambulance with a shock blanket around his shoulders.

Red Robin-  What now? I'm in shock! Look I've got a blanket!

Batman- Red Robin!

Red Robin- And I just delivered twins while stuck in an elevator! Twins Batman!!

Batman turns and walks away silently while Red Robin looks at the paramedic.

Red Robin- Im going to regret that during training tomorrow.

The only time Bluebird makes noise during a Tiktok is when she is laughing wildly. She does this because both her Tiktoks are popular and she doesn't want to take the chance of someone recognizing her voice. She is not worried about the wild laughter because she is calmer as Marinette but as Bluebird she lets herself be wild and carefree. Batman enjoys having Bluebird on patrol with him, her hero persona reminds him of when he and the first Robin started.

Marinette announces that her and Damian are finally dating in a Tiktok showing them on a date at the parks with Barbara and Dick as their 'chaperones'. The video shows her holding his hand walking behind him before she flips the camera and winks at it, in the background walking behind them is Dick pushing Barbara's wheelchair, while looking down at her lovingly.

An hour later Marinette is recording a video where they had been pulled over by Commissioner Gordon himself. Dick is pale as he nods to everything Gordon says while Barbara is groaning refusing to even acknowledge her dad. Before the video cuts out she whispers, 'I forgot a lot of Gotham officers follow me, oops…'

The family also helped Marinette master the art of coming up with excuses and slip out without being noticed, for when she has to rush back to Paris.

The family celebrates their birthday together before having a Gala the night after celebrating it for the cameras. The family shows up wearing Marinette's own designs and she is buzzing with excitement when multiple people ask for the designer's information for commissions, they turn 14.

When summer is coming to an end Marinette really doesn't want to leave but she knows she must. Marinette promises to visit for Christmas.

When she returns she is excited to see Alix, Nathaniel and Adrien at the airport with Gorilla to pick her up. Adrien smiles mischievously, telling her that his father agreed after Adrien mentioned that his friend was a rising Fashion designer, MDC. 

Marinette enjoys her first day back spending it with her friends. The next day she is slightly annoyed when Alya bursts into her room at 7 in the morning demanding details about her trip and if she met anyone famous.

Marinette decided in that moment that she was very thankful she never shared her Insta with Alya and that Alya doesn't know about Tiktok. She does however indulge the girl telling her she had a lot of fun and tells her some of what she did. Alya is quick to tell her all about what the class did together and what she did over the summer. However her tune changes when she sees a few pictures of Adrien pinned to a board, and suddenly she's once again trying to come up with ideas to get them together. At this point Marinette is thankful when her mother comes up, asking Alya to leave so that Marinette can help with chores.

The school year starts the same as always and Marinette decides to run for class president. She is surprised when she wins and names Nathaniel her vice president much to Alya's annoyance.

Marinette also meets Jagged Stone only a month into the school year after designing glasses and an album cover for him. At first Jagged doesn't realize the rockin' girl that made his glasses was MDC until at a party when someone excitedly points out the MDC signature on the side. He begins talking to her more with her parents permission and takes her in as his new niece. Soon he is only wearing clothes that she makes.

Half way through the year Lila shows up. The class sans Mari, Adrien, Alix, Nathaniel, and Chloe are all taken by her immediately. Marinette is not there the day she arrives.Lila attempts to lie her way into Adrien's graces using her Ladybug excuse. But Adrien quickly tells her that he doesn't want to hear it, because there is no way Ladybug would let her defenseless or possibly disabled friends know her Identity out of fear they'd get targeted.

Lila is outraged that her lie failed, but she wants Adrien under her thumb and starts devising a plan for it to happen.

The next day Lila tries to charm Marinette when she is upset over her desk being switched without even asking her. When everyone heads out for lunch she quickly snatches up Marinette apologizing and selling her sob story of Jagged's kitten. She is shocked when Marinette begins to laugh and tells her that it was a nice try but Jagged Stone has a crocodile named Fang because he is allergic to fur. Lila gets even madder and decides to just threaten Marinette telling her that she'd take away all of the class. Marinette just rolls her eyes and tells her good luck with that before walking away to join her friends.

When the four return from lunch they find Lila sitting and crying with the class surrounding her as Alya comforts her.

Lila is quick to claim that Marinette refused to listen to her when she tried to explain the seat switch and that instead she made fun of Lila's disabilities. Alya is upset at Marinette and tells her that she is disappointed that her best friend would act like this and that she needs to give Lila a chance.

Marinette just signs walking back to her new seat and sits down, Adrien follows her up and sits next to her while Alix and Nathaniel take the bench in front of them.

Alya huffs continuing to comfort Lila until she finally stops fake crying, the rest of the class sits down in their seats and starts talking again. However they don't talk to the four

As Lila is there she slowly learns more and more about Adrien and Marinette planning on getting Adrien under her thumb and to take Marinette out. She learns about Marinette's huge crush, Alya's words, on Adrien and that Adrien's dad is so strict that he won't even let him have a birthday party. She begins studying the two of them before making her final plans.

She attempts to get Marinette expelled but fails when the Principal insists that it must be a misunderstanding . Even when she starts crying and claiming Marinette is bullying her, the teachers do nothing. It isn't until Chloe confronts her that she finds out Marinette is the top student in the school and a certified genius. Chloe smirks, informing her that if the school even attempted to claim she was cheating they'd not only come under fire, but they'd lose their funding from having her there.

Lila decides to just make the class hate Marinette while still trying to get Adrien. She is unable to get a foothold even when she manages to get Gabriel's attention claiming  Adrien is hanging with terrible people. However the moment she mentions Marinette's name she is shut out. Gabriel telling her that Marinette has a higher standing than the daughter of an ambassador any day.

Lila's anger gets her akumatized into Volpina, she goes after Marinette determined to hurt the girl in some way. She finds her at the skate park watching Alix practice. She creates an illusion of Adrien and has the illusion walk up to Marinette. The illusion begins to tear into Marinette claiming that she is a terrible person, and doesn't deserve anything that she has, before telling her that they were no longer friends. She gets angrier when Marinette asks the illusion what her nickname for him was and smirks when the illusion doesn't answer. Volpina gets so angry she just attacks Marinette swinging at her with her flute getting angrier when Marinette blocks each hit with her arms barely flinching until Chat Noir tackles Volpina away from her. Marinette is quick to run away, Alix following her. Soon after Ladybug joins them in the fight, once they defeat Volpina. Ladybug turns to find Lila crying claiming that she didn't want to hurt Marinette but the girl had been bullying her. 

Chat Noir growls but Ladybug quickly stops him from doing anything. 

'I know you're lying Lila. I suggest you stop lying, and have that video removed claiming to be my best friends. The only friend I have while in this mask is Chat Noir. You are putting yourself in danger by lying.'

Lila however just stops crying and galres at the heros huffing and storming away.

The next day everyone is talking about Lila taking another trip to Achu to visit Prince Ali. They get annoyed when Marinette asks Rose if she is going to email the Prince asking about her.

Eventually things return to slight normalcy and they only have to listen to Lila's lies when she video chats the class.

A few weeks after she has left Adrien finds the Miraculous grimoire, he immediately brings it to Marinette and shows her. Once Tikki sees it she insists that they bring it to the Guardian so she and Adrien set off together finally meeting Fu. Half way through their conversation Adrien is called back home by Gabriel. Gabriel demands the book back and is deeply upset when Adrien says he lost it. Gabriel dismisses him and he destroys his room before akumatizing himself.

Meanwhile Marinette is tearing into Fu for giving them the Miraculous without any proper training. Soon after she gets a message from Adrien saying that Gabriel had been akumatized. She quickly transforms meeting up with Chat Noir on the way once they defeat The Collector they return to Fu and take pictures of the book. Marinette then heads to the Agreste Mansion with the book in hand. When Gabriel comes to the door she quickly introduces herself before handing the book over. 

"Adrien was really excited to share the book with me today while we had lunch at my home. However he forgot it in my room, sorry it took me so long to get the book here Mr. Agreste!"

Gabriel takes the book and thanks Marinette before questioning her and Adrien's relationship. Marinette laughs softly telling him that Adrien is like a brother to her. He then asks why brother and not best friend. Marinette grabs the ring around her necklace playing with it gently. 

"Because my best friend is my boyfriend and my betrothed."

Gabriel then issues an invite for her to come over more, saying that she is clearly a good influence on Adrien. Marinette thanks him before saying goodbye and leaving.

That night they all meet in their wearhouse to talk about it. Even though Adrien is distressed he agrees that his father is still their biggest suspect.

Marinette pulls Oracle and Batgirl into a video call as they all sort through Gabriel's dealing since Emilie's disappearance. They determine that he wants Tikki and Plagg for a wish relating to Emilie. Marinette pulls Adrien aside and they have a heart to heart.

"Do I want my mom back? Yes, more than anything, but she-My mom would never want this. She'd be so incredibly disappointed in my father for terrorizing the city she loves. She'd be disappointed in me for thinking for even a second to help my dad."

Oracle looks into every dealing Gabriel has had while Batgirl focuses heavily on going through camera footage.

Oracle points out a few months before Hawkmoth started Gabriel paid the city to remove the camera from around his mansion. Batgirl shows them footage of the house before he paid the city off pointing out the window designed like a butterfly. Showing that the small middle section is designed to open. Oracle finds something big from a few months before Emilie disappeared. She found that Gabriel hired multiple workers to come and build an underground garden, paying them off so that they would never mention it. She also found he bought a pod specially designed for those in coma to keep them from dying.

They all start planning on how to take Gabriel down. The only reason they haven't acted is for fear of his company. They don't want it to fall and have millions lose their jobs. They also want more evidence to take to the police. Oracle hires someone to install a camera facing the window in order to get confirmation.

Adrien meets Kagami much the same way except Marinette confirms that she did win. She however gets akumatized when her mother brushes off her success. After being defeated, Adrien extends his friendship to her, and they slowly grow closer. Soon after Marinette meets Luka when he drops something off for Juleka. He helps her pick up the books she dropped and they are quick friends. Marinette can immediately tell that he is a meta and Luka is surprised but tells her that he can hear people's soul songs.

A few weeks later Gorilla is akumatized after Gabriel thinks he is Chat Noir. Ladybug is easily able to save Adrien getting him to safety before defeating Gorizilla she tells Hawkmoth to watch out because they are on to him.

After this Luka invites Marinette to his family's house boat during the music festival, when his mom gets akumatized Luka is quick to help Mari escape. Afterwards he tells her that he knows she was Ladybug and Adrien Chat Noir. Marinette brings him into their fold and when she does Adrien asks to bring Kagami.

Before the school year comes to the end the class meets Clara Nightingale. Clara becomes fast friends with Marinette and tries to get her to be Ladybug in her video. However Chloe has the shoot shut down and she is akumatized into Frightningale. After the fight Marinette encourages her to have everyone in the video wearing masks showing that they are all heros in their own way. Clara agrees and Marinette is very thankful that neither of her masks in her hero persona a black.

Adrien admits to Marinette that he has a slight crush on Kagami so Marinette enlists the help of Luka and together they go ice skating. While Kagami and Adrien are skating Luka and Marinette are calmly talking about the pair. Mari asks about their songs and Luka is silent for a second before smiling softly and telling her that their songs are beautiful together.

Two weeks before the end of the school year Lila returns to school. Once again the class is listening to everything she has to say.

She quickly convinces the class to exclude the four including Chloe from class plans over the summer. She is dumbfounded when the four don't care. Once the school year is over the class only sees the four in passing and every time there is an unknown boy with them.

Lila gets pissed when Gabriel stops having her do photoshoots with Adrien and gets even more pissed when Adrien announces on Twitter that he is dating Kagami.

Halfway through summer the classes are talking excitedly about Fashion week in Paris, excited to see Adrien and Lila modeling. They are surprised when they arrive and Marinette is sitting in the front row with Nathaniel, Alix and four unknown boys and three girls. One of them in a wheelchair. When Audrey arrives she is greatly upset at the seating until Marinette and Cass politely offer her and Chloe their seats. Audrey calms down but is still upset at the slight Gabriel has given her. She accepts the seats and both girls get up, Marinette moves and sits on Damian's lap leaning back against him as he wraps his arms around her waist. Cass goes to sit behind Jason but he gets up giving her his seat before sitting behind her. Marinette greets Chloe politely before introducing her group.

"You already know our classmates Chloe but this is my boyfriend Damian and his brothers and sisters. Richard, Jason, Cass, Tim, and Stephanie."

Chloe is polite in return introducing her mother, Marinette nods politely

"Pleasure to meet you Mrs. Bourgeois, I am Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Some of my designs are being shown today along with Mr.Agreste's"

Audrey sniffs slightly starring Marinette down before offering a curt greeting. She then attempts to call Gabriel only for her call to go straight to voicemail. She grows more and more angry as she sits in the stands. Half way through the show she gets up and storms out angry that a girl that is unknown got a front seat but not her. When she is akumatized she goes after Marinette, she is unable to fire her because Damian jumps in the way getting turned to gold instead. Marinette is quickly pulled away by Tim who gets her to a safe place encouraging her to transform. Adrien joins them a few minutes later. After they transform Chat Noir agrees to distract Style Queen while Ladybug gets four Miraculouses

Nathaniel- Trixx- Youkai

Alix- Fluff- Bunnyx

Kagami- Longg- Ryuko

Luka- Sass- Viperion

When the fives get back they discover that Chat Noir had to change back, and after he de-transformed Style Queen found him and fired him as a way to get back at Gabriel. They launch into action fighting her. Viperion and Bunnyx sit on the back burner watching the fight. Viperion periodically shifting back using second chance and Bunnyx jumping in to grab one of the others when he tells her. Once she is taken down Gabriel comes and apologizes to Audrey telling her he fired the person that gave her a second row seat. Gabriel then apologizes to Marinette and Damian for this mistake causing her to be attacked. Adrien hurries over quickly hugging the couple telling him that he is happy they're both safe now. Audrey takes note of his clothes and comments that it's far from Gabriel's usual designs.

"Because it's not this outfit that was designed by MDC herself. He and I did a collaboration. She designed all the male outfits and I the female."

Audrey immediately jumps on him, admitting to knowing MDC.

"You know MDC? You know the Wayne family, along with Jagged Stone, and Clara Nightingale's personal designer?"

Gabriel nods gesturing to Marinette who Adrien was still hugging. Tell Audrey that MDC had been standing right next to them along with the Wayne's. Audrey is silent when she realizes she didn't recognize the Wayne family while she was angry. She immediately extends the offer for Marinette to come to New York with her to grow her exceptional talent. She brushes Chloe off when her daughter is upset over her mother never taking her. Marinette however refuses to go before telling Audrey off for telling her own daughter she is not exceptional.

"She may be mean and a bit of a bully but Chloe is exceptional in her own way. I will never work with someone who treats their own family like dirt. Ya know I always thought she was just a mean person, but now that I see who her mother is, I can tell you raised her to act exactly like you."

Marinette then walks away with her friends and the Wayne family following her along with Adrien. The next day Chloe shows up at the bakery and apologizes then thanks Marinette. Tell her that Audrey actually took what she said to heart and decided to stay in Paris to get to know her daughter.This starts a shaky friendship between the two

"Also why haven't you told anyone you're dating a Wayne??."

"Alya is obsessed with famous people, how do you think she'd react to finding out I'm famous in America but also betrothed to the youngest Wayne."

"You have a point but wasn't she your best friend?"

"No she was a friend but honestly she never really listened to me. I mean she thought I was in love with Adrien."

For the rest of the summer Chloe joins the group of friends and even though she is still mean they can tell she does care for them. Much like how Damian acts to the others except Marinette. Damian and Chloe actually enjoy getting into little arguments over different things.

They celebrate their birthdays at Le Grand Pairs at Chloe's place Gabriel even allows Adrien to attend, while Marinette's parents cater the party, they turn 15.

When summer ends the entire group is at the airport saying goodbye to Damian.

The school years start rather calmly with random akumas popping up but none particularly dangerous. It isn't until halfway through the year when Heroes Day comes around and Hawkmoth akumatizes Lila allowing her to create the illusion of an akumatized Ladybug killing Chat Noir.

The fight gets so bad that Fu joins in desperation to help. However at the end of the fight he realizes that his time has been shortened. He proceeds to name Marinette and Adrien Guardians, telling them that he'll shortly lose his memories and a few weeks later die. He tells him that they will not lose theirs unless they recreate the potion he was given.

A few weeks later Marinette is visited by a lawyer, Fu leaves her everything in his will. Marinette has enough money to last a lifetime.

Hawkmoth's akumas are steadily getting stronger and it seems like Lila is getting akumatized every other month. The Miraculous Team begins to think that Lila is working for Hawkmoth, and after hacking her phone Oracle confirms that she has been. 

Before the end of the year Lila convinces the class to kick Marinette as their class president. Marinette steps down without a care however in front of the class she tears apart her notebook that had everything in it for the class's end of the year trip. Telling them to have fun planning another trip, before turning to her friends. 

"Chloe, Alix, Nathaniel, Adrien, you're coming to Gotham with me this year. We'll let Kagami and Luka know when they come over today. You're gonna love it Wayne Manor is beautiful, and we all get to stay there for the whole summer!"

Lila scuffs saying that her Damiboo would never let a bully like her into her house. She then tells the class that she was asked to keep it a secret for a while but her and Damian had been dating for three months.

They are startled when they hear Dick laughing from the doorway.

"My little brother is dating you, good one, especially since my brother has been betrothed since he was born."

Alya immediately jumps to Lila's defense demanding to know who Dick is. Causing him to roll his eyes before turning to Marinette. Telling her that he was taking them to the airport and that they'd be taking the jet to Gotham one their last day. Before he leaves Alya demands to know who he is.

"Richard Grayson-Wayne, now I'd appreciate it if you stopped telling lies about my family. Damian would never go out with you, he has been dating Marinette for almost two years now. Oh and Mari, I'll let dad know your six friends will be coming with us."

The class is stuned and Lila immediately starts crying, telling them that Damian must have lied to her. However Max, Juleka, Rose, Ivan, and Mylene no longer believe her.

When the class ends the group of friends leaving ignoring everyone excitedly talking about their trip.

Once back at Marinette's they all relax talking about what they are going to do while there. The group is upset that Marinette and Batman won't let them patrol Gotham but they don't put up much fuss. Marinette tells them they'll use Kaalki to get back and forth for fights and that while there they'll be finalizing plans to take out Gabriel with the help of Batman.

[forgetful-dorito]

Here’s my gift to Bio Anon for the MCYT G/T gift exchange! I kinda took the second prompt and stuck it in a dryer on tumble-dry, then shook it up even more. though, I did have a lot of fun brainstorming ideas for how to use the prompt, so I hope you enjoy my little word vomit :)

(also in this au Tommy never got exiled because screw the green teletubby) word count: ~1.3k

cw: food at the beginning, some very mild fearplay, and so much swearing. So much. It was like I got possessed by Tommyinnit while writing this I’m so sorry

“What the fuck.”

Tommy had just wanted a snack.

It was 2 am and he couldn’t sleep, understandably so considering all that happened in the past few months, so he decided to get up and make himself something to eat. Nothing too heavy or time consuming, but enough effort to distract him from the thoughts that had been bothering him.

He had walked down the dark hallway to the kitchen, turning on the fluorescent lights and yawning. Stumbling over to the cabinet, he pulled out a small loaf of bread, and turned towards the fridge to get the cheese and mayo. Since he was still blinking the sleep from his eyes, it took him a few moments to register the fact that there was a tiny human watching him from the countertop.

A tiny fucking human. Standing with its hands in an open bag of peanuts. Looking as surprised and frozen as he was.

“What the fuck.” Tommy finally spoke up, and that was the cue for the tiny person to start fleeing off the counter.

Sleep gone from his mind, Tommy raced to catch the thief. It wasn’t a very hard battle, the poor thing seemed absolutely terrified. He gently pinned him down, putting as little pressure on the tiny guy as possible.

In the blink of an eye, Tommy found a sewing needle stuck in his thumb. He swore heavily, picking the needle out. He used more force this time, wrapping the escaping tiny in a fist and bringing him up to Tommy’s face.

The Tiny stopped kicking, instead he stared in horror at Tommy.

“Alright, I’m gonna give you three seconds to explain who you are and why you’re in my house stealing my food.”

The tiny pondered for a moment, but gave in after Tommy squeezed a little harder.

“AAH, don’t squeeze me like that! And I thought you’d know already, considering you humans blew our SMP to smithereens!” He spat the word ‘humans’ like a curse word.

Huh?

“Stop fucking around with me! Who are you?” He looked a little closer at the tiny….wait…..was that his shirt? And his pants?!

“Wait….you seriously don’t know?”

~~~~

After internally freaking out and a very long and painful conversation with Phil (he wasn’t really ready to see him yet, but this felt important enough to ask him about. Being the oldest living member on the server has its perks) it turns out, Phil knew what was going on!

Apparently no one bothered to tell Tommy that the myth about “tiny people” that live in the walls and start tiny governments was real. Who just leaves that out of a conversation?! What the fuck Phil?!?

To be fair, it looks like Phil was the only one who knew about these tiny people. They started springing up everywhere around the SMP, and they were always dressed like one of the server members.

Another thing that the myth conveniently forgot to mention, was that these tiny people were the complete opposite of the people they were based off of. Tommy didn’t understand what Phil meant by that, but after remembering the way Tiny Tommy acted he got it. Since Tommy was loud and brash and so, so cool, then tiny Tommy was quiet and careful and a total douchebag. Easy enough!

At one point, he had seen a tiny Tubbo lurking around Snowchester. At first he didn’t recognize him, the little guy had bright blond hair for some reason. But after he realized, he tried to strike up conversation. It was good old Tubbo after all! Except he couldn’t make it past a few sentences of conversation before he realized this was not the same Tubbo he knew.

For one thing, this Tubbo was actually normal. There was no talk of nukes, no mention of some horrific scandal he had committed, nothing! Just some pleasant conversation about the weather and gardening.

It was absolutely disgusting.

Mental note: make sure to tell Tubbo how awful his tiny double is.

Jschlatt’s tiny double was actually really nice.

When Tommy had found him, he was open and kind. Tommy had immediately assumed it was a trap, but after getting to know him, it was quite the opposite. He was kind and caring, and all around an amazing father figure.

He was fine with being lifted up and carried, so they would often be seen together, working on one of Tommy’s new carrot farms with Schlatt perched on his shoulder. Honestly, it was like having a tiny parent hovering over you, worrying over your bruises or if you’ve eaten enough.

Tommy didn’t have the heart to tell him that was the most parental attention he’s received since he can remember.

One day, while working on the garden, Tommy had asked about tiny Technoblade. He didn’t know why, maybe it was all the wanted posters of his former brother. They had started appearing a few weeks ago, and though their last interaction was shit, he was still worried.

“Oh…..Techno?” Jschlatt asked, fidgeting from Tommy’s shoulder.

He grunted, pulling a few grown carrots out of the ground. He loved his farms, but they were hard work.

“He…..oh how do I say this in a nice way….”

“Just spit it out. I’m a big man, after all. I can take it!” Tommy said, piling the dirty carrots onto a wheelbarrow and puffing his chest out dramatically.

“Well…alright I’ll just say it. He died a long, long time ago.”

“…WHAT!?”

As it turns out, Tiny Techno is not very good at surviving. Jschlatt had admitted that before he had lost his third life, he had the survival instincts of a sheet of paper.

“Yeah, one time I saw him fall off a cliff while reading his chat. It wasn’t pretty, I think I used up all my healing potions on him.” He commented as Tommy brang the hose over to wash the carrots off.

That was certainly something he’d never expected to hear. The Blade DOES die, I guess

Later that day, after tiny Schlatt had said his goodbyes to Tommy, Tubbo had come by to visit.

Tommy had expected some news about Snowchester’s government, or maybe a new cookie recipe, but he was certainly not expecting Tubbo to start screaming bloody murder.

“TOMMY, WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?!” He yelled, pacing around his little garden.

“ALL I WANTED WAS TO FIND MY FAVORITE PEN, I DROPPED IT BEHIND MY COUCH! I GO TO PICK IT UP, AND MY HAND TOUCHES SOMETHING WARM AND HAIRY. WARM. AND. HAIRY. I LOOK AT IT, AND THERES A TINY BLOND ME SITTING ON THE FLOOR HOLDING MY PEN. WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK.”

“Woah big man, calm down!” He handed Tubbo one of his nicer-looking carrots.

“Please, calm yourself, have a carrot.”

Tubbo absentmindedly took the carrot and sat down, munching away while still yelling about how the tiny person in his walls stole his pen.

Tommy, being the absolute dickhead he is, decided to call Tubbo crazy.

”Sorry Tubs, but I think you got one too many hits to the head. Tiny people living in your walls? That’s just crazy.” He shrugged, staring at the clouds above.

Tubbo bristled. “TOMMY WHAT THE HELL, YOU THINK IM LYING?!”

”Nah, I just don’t think you’re telling the truth” he smirked.

Tommy soon found a half eaten carrot thrown at his face, and rightfully so.

(I hope you enjoyed my weird crack-take on your prompt Bio. I had a lot of ideas for the story, including a lot more characters and cool game mechanics, but I didn’t know how to incorporate it all into the fic before the deadline. Im going to be on vacation for the next couple weeks, but if I find time I’d love to edit it and flesh it out more, maybe fix the pacing make it more enjoyable. have a great day! :] )

[threecrowsinatrenchcoat]

Paint My Spirit Gold

Dukeceit Week Day 2: Green/Yellow

Fans of the YouTubers "Deceit" and Remus "The Duke" Sanders start to suspect that maybe, just maybe, the two of them are more than simple internet pals.

AO3 Link: [here]

Word Count: 2187

Warnings: n/a

@dukeceitweek <3

-

[ID: A screenshot of a Twitter post by user @CallMeDukie. It features a watercolor-style painting of a snake. The snake appears to be made of melting chocolate, and there is a large bite taken out of its tail. Cherries and jam are leaking out of the snake at the bite wound. The snake's expression of horror is overly-exaggerated to the point of comedy. The caption reads: "liked your snake boi, @SerpenThyme. thanks for the inspo." /end ID]

- 

A notification ding cut Janus off mid-sentence. 

“Wow, someone left their cell phone on, so professional,” he said, giving the camera a dramatic eye roll. That someone was him, of course, because he was the only one in the apartment- just him and the running livestream- but that was no excuse not to be a drama queen about it. He finished wiping flour off his hands and grabbed his phone to silence it; but the notification made him pause. He flicked his eyes up toward the camera and gave a slight smirk.

“My goodness, I’m famous,” he drawled. “The Duke himself has graced little old me with some fan art.”

Most of the comments in the chat wanted him to show it, so Janus opened up Twitter to see the full post he’d been tagged in. It was a watercolor painting of the coiled-snake chocolate sculpture- lovingly named Jake by his viewers- he’d made for his YouTube video last week; it was wearing an expression of such comedic horror that Janus had to stifle a laugh. He flicked his phone screen toward the close-up camera on his counter so his viewers could see.

“How kind of you, Remus,” he said. “All of you should go scold him for what he’s done to poor Jake here.”

Most of his viewers would know he was joking- after all, they were the ones to nickname him Deceit when he provided neither a real or fake name for his online persona. They knew full well what he was like by now.

The oven timer dinged. Janus silenced his phone and set it aside.

“And our first batch of cookies is done. You know, why don’t we show the Duke some appreciation?”

-

[ID: An Instagram post by user @SerpenThyme. The photo is an artistically-framed shot of a stack of sugar cookies with green, yellow, and pink icing. Propped up against the stack is another cookie, with an intricate icing-drawing of an octopus. The photo appears to have been color corrected to have high contrast, low saturation, and a dark vignette at the edges. The Instagram user @OctoDukie is tagged. No caption. /end ID]

- 

“You know, I have often been accused of actually being a little old lady, what with my fondness for knitted jumpers, rocking chairs, and incredibly fucked up murder mystery books. Today I am doing nothing to dispel this accusation, by making soup.”

The studio was dark and empty aside from Remus' workspace. Everyone else had left long ago, even his own brother, which meant that it was officially ass-o'clock in the morning (or, as most people called it, somewhere between 1 and 2 a.m.) But Remus was stuck in hyperfocus, honed in on putting the last touches on a commission that he'd been putting off for weeks. It's not that it was a tough painting- once he'd gotten started, it was actually a very creatively satisfying piece- but man, executive dysfunction could go suck a dick

“French onion soup, specifically. Because while I do like to pretend I am a classy bitch, I am also, regrettably, a lazy bitch with a distaste for anything that takes longer than one bottle of wine to make.”

Remus hated working in silence. It was stifling, almost suffocating. His brain needed noise like his lungs needed air. So when the studio had grown still and silent, Remus had flipped open his laptop and queued up some YouTube videos. 

“So we have here three pounds of onions that we need to slice up, pole to pole. You’re going to cry no matter what, so if you have any memories you’ve been repressing since middle school, now is an excellent time to dredge those up.” 

And if it happened to be 90% SerpenThyme videos, well. Sue him. 

“Now the first rule of caramelizing onions: fast and sloppy is always better than slow and thorough… at least, that’s what every man I’ve ever slept with tells me.”

Remus choked and glanced over to his laptop screen just in time to catch Deceit's trademark smirk directed at the audience just for a moment. It was the deadpan delivery that always got him. Remus could barely hold onto a joke long enough to get through it without cackling mid-punchline, but this fucker could say the funniest shit like an off-hand comment. 

He wiped his hands off on his jeans (what use were clothes if you couldn't use them as paint rags?) and pulled his laptop across the table.  He typed out a quick comment, citing the timestamp of the joke, and after it was posted, he shut his laptop. 

'Cause ass-o'clock was short for "get-your-ass-home-or-I’ll-kick-it" o'clock. 

-

[ID: A screenshot of a YouTube comments section. The first comment is by user TheDuke, and reads: "10:42 wow, rude." The second comment is a reply by user SerpenThyme, and simply reads ";)" /end ID]

-

Janus plopped down on the couch with a slight groan. He didn’t need to stream today, but he really hated missing days. Besides… he was fine. Really. 

He adjusted the camera until he was happy with the framing, and then checked the settings on his streaming software. Satisfied, he started the stream, and watched as his usual viewers rolled in. 

“What do you mean I’m not in my kitchen?” Janus drawled, addressing the chat. He glanced around with an expression of faux-shock on his face. “My goodness, when did that happen?”

He chuckled, and then gestured to his surroundings. “Yes, we are in my living room today. If you must know, my closest and most trusted friend tried to murder me today- yes, Virgil, it was attempted murder and nothing less- and I survived with nary a scratch… and a broken foot, but that is beside the point. Anyway, I’m not allowed to stand for long periods of time, and I may or may not be somewhat inebriated by pain pills and couldn’t stand even if I wanted to. So we are cooking from my couch today.”

Janus paused for a few moments to read the chat messages as they popped up. A few get well soon’s, a few theories about the “attempted murder,” Virgil- who moderated his chat for him- vehemently denying the “attempted murder” but otherwise refusing to clarify the event, and a large volume of wtf why are you streaming today, take care of yourself comments, which made him smile. But one particular comment caught his eye, almost lost amid the torrent of an active chat: wait this kinda looks like the Duke’s living room?

“Oh, VampSuga,” he said, addressing that commenter in particular with a slight smirk. “I haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about. Anyway, since I can’t reach my oven from here, I thought some no-bake cookies were in order. For these you will need-”

-

[ID: A screenshot of a Discord conversation. The text reads:

“VampSuga: Ok ok hear me out. Dukeceit. 

Starstruck96: who?

IneffableSnek: lmao

FeralBeauYasha: lol

VampSuga: Deceit and Remus Sanders! They’re totally dating. I will die on this hill. 

FeralBeauYasha: Isn’t the duke w/ PatPat?

IneffableSnek: no thats his brothers bf

FeralBeauYasha: ohh

VampSuga: Did anyone see Deceit’s stream today? I swear that’s the Duke’s livingroom. 

StarStruck96: idk that seems like a stretch

IneffableSnek: no wait i kno what u mean

IneffableSnek: im watching the duke’s old videos and that one where he shows off all his old weapons he’s in a living room kinda like deceit’s 

FeralBeauYasha: They were acting all cute on twitter too

VampSuga: DUKECEIT”  /end ID]

-

"Hey guys, been a while since you've seen my face and not just whatever my hands are busy with, when it's within YouTube's terms and conditions I mean. They used to be way more lenient…" Remus trailed off for a moment, then shook his head sharply and plastered on a grin. 

"Anyway! In June me and a few other creators did a fundraiser for the Trevor Project, and y'all smashed the goal, so I let you decide what video I'd make this month." He paused, and gestured to the mountain of clothes piled behind him on the bed. "And you had so many juicy ideas to choose from, but you decided to dress me up like a Barbie instead."

Remus paused to scroll through his phone for a few moments. "Ah, ok, here we go. Twitter user YoonIsMyCat- oh, BTS, nice- sent in this first outfit. Uh… future Remus, put up the post here somewhere." He gestured vaguely to his right. "Y'all went with either a fuckton more clothes or a fuckton less clothes, which I respect. Apparently this outfit is called…” He squinted at his phone. “Amish chic? I take it back, no respect at all.”

Remus cycled through the outfits his viewers sent in, which ranged from the aforementioned “Amish chic” to “2008 rave attire” to “ok now you guys are just fucking with me” (which consisted of one of those big puffy snow coats, lime green in color; booty shorts with the shrug text emoji across the ass; fuzzy pink boots; and a yellow cowboy hat to top off the whole thing. It was awful. Remus loved it.) The mountain of clothes on the bed gradually became a mess of clothes spread across the floor instead, until there was just one outfit left. 

“Ok so Twitter user VampSuga sent me this outfit that I’m gonna call ‘sexy librarian.’ I couldn’t find this exact sweater online, but-” he paused for dramatic effect, before brandishing a sweater toward the camera like a bullfighter. “My boyfriend had something that was close enough.”

Remus hopped up from the bed and switched off the camera so he could change.

“They’re going to lose their minds,” a voice drawled from the doorway. Remus threw his shirt at him.

“Shoo, I’m getting naked.”

-

[ID: A Twitter post by user @CallMeDukie. It features a selfie of YouTuber Remus “The Duke” Sanders, a Hispanic man with his hair dyed green and styled into a spiked mohawk. He is wearing a yellow knitted cardigan over a black button-up shirt. He is grinning widely at the camera. The caption reads: “my viewers pick my outfits! now live on youtube. go see what i look like as a sexy librarian!” /end ID]

-

DukeceitStan

first and only dukeceit shipper ig

DukeceitStan

wow there’s so many of you now! Hi!!

DukeceitStan

i want this to be canon so bad omg

DukeceitStan

i mean just look

[image]

how 

[image]

cute

[image]

[ID: A series of three gifs featuring Youtubers SerpenThyme, aka Deceit, and TheDuke, aka Remus Sanders. Deceit is a black man with long, dreadlocked hair, and vitiligo patches along the left side of his face. Remus is a Hispanic man with green-dyed hair styled into a mohawk, many ear and facial piercings, and tattoos covering both arms. Each gif is edited so that the highlights are tinged yellow when Deceit is seen, and tinged green when Remus is seen.

The first gif depicts a close-up shot of Deceit’s hands as he carefully decorates a cookie with green and yellow icing. The cookie art he is working on appears to be a half-finished octopus. The gif then fades into a mid-shot of Remus, with his back to the camera, facing a canvas. The canvas is blank, and Remus appears to be laying out paints on a table to his left. 

The second gif depicts Deceit seated at his couch, facing the camera. He has many ingredients spread across his coffee table (including oats, cocoa powder, and butter) and appears to be in the process of laying out several more. The gif fades to show Remus seated at a similar couch with a similar coffee table in front of him. The camera is angled slightly downward to better show the myriad of knives spread out across the table. Remus is gesturing wildly with a morning star held in his hand. 

The third gif depicts Deceit in his kitchen. He is pulling on a bright, yellow knitted cardigan, and smirking toward the camera. The gif fades to show Remus in his bedroom, seated on his bed. He is holding up a similar-looking cardigan toward the camera and grinning. /end ID]

- 

“Remus, it’s almost two in the morning. Come to bed.”

“I’m coming, sorry. Twitter distracted me.”

“Mm. I can’t believe the bird app is more distracting than I am.”

“You should try harder.”

“Come to bed and maybe I will.”

“Ok, ok, I’m coming. Hang on though, is it cool if I post this?”

“Sure. They figured it out anyway.”

“Sweet. Ok, Jannie, I’m coming.”

-

[ID: A screenshot of a Twitter post by user @CallMeDukie. It reads: “Dukeceit is canon.” /end ID] 

[imagine-something-fun]

here goes nothing ig...

So idk whos going to read this and my English is fucked so if youre gonna read this goodluck. BuT!!

Hi, how are you? ig that we havent seen eachother in a while and since then alot has changed. Now that i think about it i rlly wouldnt know what exactly, ive been so inactive on here that it seems like 4 years ago since i last posted. The reason i am posting this today is because i saw old chats on here and i read them and i got so miserable. Im not that person i was when i used this media platform and i shall never be again, and that scares the living hell out of me.

I saw all those chats eventually die off and the thing was, i dont think i even noticed, maybe not even cared. i was rlly weird but in that way also rlly strong. Maybe its just the one too many stabbies in the back or the 1 time too many that i felt excluded but idk if im still that strong.

Yes, I was a bitch. Do i regret it? to a certain level. but i now understand why i was the way i was and sometimes i still wanna be like that.

All i ever wanted was love and acceptance, once i didnt even feel happy in my own skin anymore i started to freak out. Lash out inside is fine with me, destroy your liver who cares? You can do with a few braincells less. Well i could until i couldnt. and then i got mad at everyone around me.

Im not going to say that i shouldnt have gotten so mad, but i will say that i shouldnt have gotten so sad. It wasnt necessarily directed to you but it did hurt so much and everything became too much and then i had enough.

Enough of everyone who judged me and enough of the people i called friends. But to them i will say, even tho you will never read this and maybe its better that way, im sorry i cared so much and im sorry it wasnt meant to be, but the only one i should say sorry to well that person, she is me. (hihi i rhyme)

Yk, the only thing i ever asked for was acceptance and thats the one thing i never got. ive been my share of bitchy and mean and stupid and dumb tho, i wouldnt have wanted to hang out with me either, atleast something we agreed on. But hating myself and hearing it from the only person you wanted understanding from, well that sUcks. But now i think abt it im even a little bit thankful.

Yes you were all so harsh in your own way and i tried so hard to fit in, but i tried too much and if everything wouldnt have gone the way it went, and if i never dug myself so deep i never wouldve gotten myself out of there. Out of the brainkillers, moodswings but most importantly, out of that band.

It was the one thing i loved most, and the only thing that killed me inside. Im going to admit i am insecure, not abt my body or face or hair or any of that. Im insecure about belonging. Do i fit in? and i didnt and i told myself i did. In just a few months i started hating what i loved most.

And if i hadnt been so down i wouldnt have ever seen how much i actually love him. And if i hadnt seen that and never figured i can live my life the way i want to, i wouldve never quit that band and wouldve stayed with those people alot longer.

if the odds are against me and you actually do read this on my very open social media page i dont blame you, maybe just get really embarrassed. but ill just let you know i never replaced you, once i realised i couldnt live my life with you in it, i never wanted to know anyone that even resembled you. and that thought gave me more peace of mind then any of the past 2 years ever gave me.

yes this is a very big rant about how i struggle with change and yes i know ill cringe about it in a few weeks months years whatever, but i do this for me, read it or dont. but if you did and youre reading this right now, whoever you are, i wanna ask you.

Are you happy?

because i wasnt, even when i thought i was, and maybe i just wanna give you my word of advice but dont go looking for something youll never find. itll save you alot of time and energy and trust me, youll need it.

so i think i finished up here. thank you for reading this although you really didnt have to.

Goodnight,

Jackie

[faythelyse]

Joji x Reader {female reader} Apocalyptic Setting <Part One>

The sound of your closest friends baby jolts you awake. You had fallen asleep sitting up in a chair near the window. You stand and stretch for a moment before walking into the kitchen. Jessica meets you at the doorway to the kitchen.

"We're officially out of food." She bounces her daughter on her knee.

"Alright, I'll grab Ashlee and we can hit that up this place we noticed coming back from our last haul. It looked like a department store or something. I have an extra cheese stick in my bag if Jade is hungry."

Jessica knods and sighs. You knew saving that cheese stick was a good call. After grabbing the snack for Jade you head to the garage where Ashlee was working on the truck we scored a few months ago. Ashlee notices you enter and slams her hand on the top. "We still need some gas for this bad boy!"

"No time like the present to go look for some?!" You add expecting a negative response.

Ashlees face turned sour. "We're out of food."

"Yep. You going."

"Well of course, but we just went on a trip 3 days ago. Those rations were supposed to last a week. Jess eats like a fucking pig." Ashlee starts throwing her gloves off onto the desk and prepares a bag for the emergency food trip we are underprepared for in all honesty.

"How much ammo do we have left?"

Ashlee sighs heavily "We were low last trip. We might have 5 or 6 shells left for the shotgun."

"And the handgun?" You interject.

"Fifteen." Ashlee finishes packing up leaving the shotgun for me to take. "I'm gonna take a smoke break. Meet me out front when your ready to roll." She puts the cigarette in her mouth and walks out.

Grabbing the gun you quickly head for your room to gather the essentials. Outside Ashlee was taking the last drag off her cigarette before flicking it to the road. I stare at the bikes in front of us wishing we had gas for the truck. "Jesus christ I hate these bikes, I'm wore out by the time we get to wherever we're going." Ashlee smiles. "Soon Y/N" Ashlee closes her eyes and daydreams for a moment. Imagining life with a car again.

About halfway there we stop and scout a bit. Make sure no one is out and about before we pull closer into this town.

Right on the edge of town we leave our bikes locked to a tree behind a small abandoned house. It was a soft pink color. It somewhat stood out making it easier to remember where we left our things. We chat quietly while making our way to a large department store.

The store was huge. The sign had fallen partially. A corner of the building was also caving in. Jessica, never going out on many supply trips didn't always realize the danger she put Ashlee and I in on a somewhat regular basis. Although we have become better at it over time.

As we arrived at the doors we became silent. Searching for any possible noises or animals that could get us in worse trouble than we were already putting ourselves in. Instead of going in through the front we found a side door that appeared quieter to open. Upon entering we were stunned to see lots of stuff still on the shelves. Why had this store not been hit so badly by looters. Shocked by the nostalgia and childlike joy we let our gaurd down. We casually walked down aisles and shared past memories that seemed insignificant then. We would give anything to be able to visit a store normally again. Buy a new dress to wear for date night or some shit.

"Holy shit, they have mother fucking WINE!!!"

Ashlee was almost in tears, and I couldn't contain my smile. We packed as many as we could. We still needed room for actual food.

Just then we both heard a single gunshot so we dropped immediately to the floor as quickly as possible. Readying our guns we slowly get up and sneak closer to the back of the store where the gun had fired. There is a hallway that leads back to the bathrooms and what I assume might be the head office or the workers lounge area. We see a shadow at first emerging from the hallway. We aim thinking it could be one of the infected, but it was just a man. He pulled out a walkie telling someone on the other end he's fine. Ashlee and I are frozen for a minute. We hadn't seen people in a long time. Hell it's even been awhile since we've seen an infected. They have been sparce lately. Probably just spreading out more. Although we weren't a very populated area anyway. Ashlee whispers "What do we do, ignore them?" I shrug not knowing myself. It would be risky to assume they are friendly. And if they were to rob us we would be left with nothing. Another man runs up, he has a large backpack on. Ashlee and I locked eyes for a moment. We had the same idea to potentially rob this man. I shake my head. "Maybe they will trade?" I whisper.

Ashlee shakes her head in disbelief that they would consider trading. We had not glanced back at the men for a minute, when we turned back to check on them they were gone. I turn back and shrug, if they were gone then we had no further issue. Ashlee and I nod knowing we should get a move on and wrap this up before we get spotted. While crouching we slowly walk around the nearest aisle where we are met face to face with the two men we had just spotted. Both shocked we all immediately stand, but none of us draw a weapon. After a solid 30 seconds of no speaking just staring I speak up

" We really just need to grab some food, we won't be any trouble." It was then that I noticed one of them was injured.

"You're hurt?" I said softly. Ashlee also softened her expression when she noticed the wound. Ashlee broke her silence as well, "Y/N is a healer of sorts, maybe we can help."

Ashlee and I are both suckers for wanting to help. The man with big sad brown eyes looked at me with some hope.

"Can you really hel-ehp" he stopped abruptly and grabbed the wound on his side that started to soak through his thick green coat. I couldn't tell the severity of it, I didn't want him to die though, so in the moment I just decided to say yes. His friend went alongside him to help support him. "My name is Ben" He proceeded to shake Ashlees hand and then my own. "This is George, nice to meet you. We were here looking for medical supplies, if you could help us out we would pay you back some how. Whatever you need, I promise. We'll work it off."

"I'm not a real doctor or anything man. I just started learning this stuff since the world went to shit. I've practiced on dogs, and cats, a few humans. Nothing too crazy. I've become pretty decent at sew up jobs. I just promise to do my best to help. If something goes wrong I just cant have you blaming me."

Ben smiled "Listen, its not like im going to find some heart surgeon out here. Anything you can do to help is better than whatever I could come up with."

Ashlee walks up to the other side of George and throws his arm over her neck. "I'll help walk him to the bikes."

I nod and quickly grab everything i can that is edible, even found a few seed packets. Elena will be stoked to add these to her garden.

We biked back to our little community that cosisted of 2 houses that have been conjoined by fencing in the two. Its somewhat protected by being hidden in the many trees that surround our community.

Jessica was sitting smoking outside. As she saw us pull up with two strangers she looked worried. I held up my hand to show her everything was okay and waved. We brought George in and laid him in a spare room we had set up for me to work on anyone who had been hurt. There was no bed, only a futon mattress had been laid on the floor.

"Set him down gently." Ben whispered.

Ashlee had a worried expression, I could tell she was worried about the blood loss. He appeared paler than before. I sat down and started preparing my equipment as fast as possible and urged Ashlee to grab some other things I needed.

As I neared being finished with sterilizing the needle I told everyone to leave the room. I can never concentrate while people watch. I had assumed George was knocked out when I reached down to start removing his jacket he grabbed my wrist.

"This is going to fucking hurt isn't it." He breathed. I nodded. I had nothing to numb him. Then I remembered the extra wine Ashlee and I had discovered. We had grabbed six bottles. I pulled out a bottle and handed it to George. He glanced it over.

"For the pain?"

"For the pain." I said as took it back from him to open it. After opening I asked if he would like a cup.

"Bottles fine, lets get this over with." He started to shrug off his jacket exposing the large gash on his side. Hopefully he hadn't punctured an organ or something I couldn't fix.

He took 3 large drinks and motioned for me to come to him. I started cleaning the wound to the best of my ability with what we had. It was time to start sewing. Sewing still makes me nervous.

I was ready to pierce skin when he interrupted.

"Do you have anything to bite on?"

I took the belt that was around my waist wrapped it up and handed it to him. He bit down and nodded to show he was ready.

I started and his eyes rolled back into his head, I kept going. I wanted this to be over as fast as possible. He started making a few small shrieks here and there but he was toughing it out rather well I thought.

As I was getting to the last few stitches his hand found my leg and grabbed it tightly. I felt horrible for causing him so much pain.

I started to just mumble I'm sorry over and over again until I had finally finished. His head fell back onto the pillow in exhaustion and agony. I leaned up and pressed my hand to his forehead and face and apologized some more. Trying to gauge how well he was actually doing. I stopped myself and realized I needed to finish by covering it with a bandage. I grabbed clean cloth from the cabinet and bandaged him. I look at him for a moment. I should grab his friend and let him know I've finished. He probably wants to wait with him until he wakes up. As I struggle to stand back up George's hand grabs mine and squeezes. I squeeze back giving him reasurrence, and leave to confront everyone.

Ben steps up to me immediately as i exit the room.

"What's the damage, is he cool? Are we good?"

I could tell he was nervous about the answer.

"I'm not sure yet honestly, he's all stiched up. He's also still alive and lucid which is a good sign. It's going to take a long time to heal. Maybe a month or two. It also needs to stay clean and free of infection. I recommend staying here until he's fully healed. Ben seemed pleased with my answers "Can I go see him now?" I nodded and he rushed in.

Ashlee pulled me to the side. "You reccomend they stay for two months?"

"Yes, that was my recommendation. He was hurt prerty bad, he shouldn't be moving at all for atleast 3 weeks. I think we should just chill. As long as he heals well, we could use their help."

Ashlee crosses her arms. "This is risky, but Im with you. It's nice to have new faces around."

"I agree" I smile, feeling slightly better that I may have saved someone's life.

[animeniacss]

What I Want - BadBoy! Taehyung x Reader - Chapter 15 - Those Three Words

Synopsis:  You are an innocent, excitable new girl, moving all the way to Korea due to your dad’s new job. As you anxiously learn about the new world around you and how you’ll make your mark, you stumble into none other than bad boy Kim Taehyung and his band of six crazy friends. He seems to be bothered but you, something he doesn’t even understand. Will you be able to tolerate the shenanigans of Taehyung and his rowdy friends, or will you fall victim to his charms just like everyone else?

Featuring Jihyo and Dahyun (TWICE) as your friends, and BTS members as Taehyung’s group of friends.

Genre: Romance, BadBoy!V, BadBoy!BTS, High School Romance, Drama

Length: approx. 4.7k words

Chapter 15 - Those Three Words

Since your headache was not getting any better when you woke up from your nap, your mother offered to come and pick you up from school so you could rest at home with little to no distraction. You felt bad, inconveniencing the nurse and Professor Im, and just kept telling yourself that you should have just stayed home another day. You were excused from the nurse with a message to get well, before making your way back to class to grab your stuff. It was lunchtime by now, and you stepped into class, rubbing your head as you closed the door behind you. Taehyung wasn’t there, neither was Jimin, so you assumed they met with the others for lunch again, but Jihyo was there with some friends. When she saw you, she hurried over to your side.

           “How do you feel?” she asked.

           “My head hurts. My mother is coming to get me so I can go home and rest.” You walked to your desk and grabbed your bag, then to your locker in the back of the class to switch out books. “Can you bring me the rest of my work later?”

           “Of course.” She smiled. “Just go home and rest, okay? Do the teachers know?”

           “The nurse said she would call the teacher’s lounge and tell them to me.” As you closed your locker, you sighed. “I guess I’ll go wait outside.”

           “See you tomorrow?” Jihyo asked. You nodded.

           “Yeah. Hopefully, I’ll feel up to it. I didn’t realize how hard my head hit the wall when Ji Seok and I crossed paths. I’ve had concussions before, nothing this serious.”

           “You’re dealing with a psychopath, that’s why,” Jihyo said. “But hopefully you’ll be okay soon. Maybe go to the doctor again.”

           “Yeah, I’ll probably do that.” You gave Jihyo a hug. “Tell Taehyung not to worry about me too much, okay? I’ll text him after school if I’m not asleep.”

           “Okay.” She watched you head towards the door and out of class again.    

           It was cold outside, so the boys were eating lunch together in an old tech room nobody used anymore after they upgraded all of their equipment last year.

“Did she looks any better when you saw her, Taehyung?” Namjoon asked as he leaned back in his seat.

“She was asleep. I couldn’t really tell.” He responded, leaning over to Jungkook and using his chopsticks to nab some of his rice. Jungkook huffed, moving his food away from Taehyung’s grasp as he continued to eat it protectively.

“Why don’t you bring your own food?” he asked.

“I don’t have anything in my house to bring.” Taehyung responded, swallowing the handful of rice. “What I got in the cafeteria wasn’t enough for me today, I’m still hungry. Just one more bite?” he pouted at his younger friend, who knew he wouldn’t say no. He was probably the best behaved and kindest out of the seven of them, which he mostly got from Hoseok. Jungkook sighed, pushing his lunch towards Taehyung, who took some more rice.

“Just don’t eat everything.” He said as he watched his friend.

Taehyung was putting a mouthful of rice in his mouth when he glanced out the window and saw you standing by the front gates, bundled up in your jacket, pulling your hood over your head. He set his chopsticks down and stood up, peering closer out the window to make sure it was you. When he confirmed that it was, he pushed his seat in. “I’ll be right back.” He said.

“We’re are you going?” Hoseok asked, only to be nudged and pointed towards the window by Yoongi. “Oh.”

Taehyung hurried out of the school and towards the gate, calling your name. You looked over, smiling a bit as you fixed your scarf around your neck. “Hey. What are you doing out here?”        

“I’m waiting for my mom. My head was still bothering me when I woke up, so she’s coming to get me and probably take me to the doctor.”

“Oh…” Taehyung’s shoulders slumped. You stepped closer to him and poked them hard enough to make him stand straight again. “Well…can I stop by after school then?” You nodded.

“I’d like that.” You replied, hearing a car come down the street. You got on your tiptoes and planted a kiss on Taehyung’s cheek. He smiled a bit, putting a hand in his pocket as your mother rolled down the window of the driver’s seat. She called your name. “I’ll see you later, okay?” He nodded, waving you off as he watched your get in the car. Your mother waved to him as you buckled up, and she drove off down the street. Taehyung sighed, running a hand through his hair. He turned to head in the school just as a teacher on the second floor lifted up a window and called out to him. It was Professor Im.  

“MR. KIM GET BACK INSIDE NOW! YOU SHOULDN’T BE OUT OF THE BUILDING!” Taehyung waved his hand, restraining himself from flipping the guy off as he disappeared back into the building.

Things seemed to die down after you recovered from your concussion. It took another day of staying home, and medicine from the doctor, but by Friday, you felt as if nothing had happened. You could focus in lit rooms, watch TV, and while you were still getting a few headaches throughout the few days, they were no longer debilitating. You hadn’t seen or heard from Ji Seok or Hyuna since your encounter with him in the alleyway, and you were hoping to keep it that way. Without them around, time passed much faster and you were much happier.

As winter welcomed the New Year, and the cold air turned warmer, spring was just barely poking its head out in mid-March. It was much needed, no heavier jackets or puffy scarves to constrict you as you moved, no more chilly nights bundled under three or four blankets with a heater in your room, no more snowy days and shivering nights. Spring was finally coming, and you were damn grateful.

That also meant you were coming up on your three month anniversary with Taehyung, and it went by so quick you had no idea it had even been three months. Over that time, Taehyung and his friends had begun consistently going to class, and the four oldest boys were starting to prepare to graduate. Jungkook was excited to be a second year, but the three youngest had no idea what they would do when their Hyung’s were not in school next year. It seemed to bother Taehyung the most, and that was obvious one day when you both were sitting in your room doing homework.

It was a cool March afternoon, the two of you had just gone out for some lunch at a nice little café near your house. Back at home, you were sitting on your bed, writing in your notebook the seventh out of twenty-six questions from Professor Im on a book you didn’t really care for. It was long and boring and even you found yourself struggling with it. You glanced down at Taehyung, who was sitting on the floor, the same assignment in hands. You poked the top of his head and he glanced up at you.

“How you doing?” you asked. “I’m only on question 7.”

“…Fine…” he said, glancing back down at the paper. You frowned a bit, poking him again. “What?” He asked, glancing back up at you with an annoyed expression.

“You okay?” You asked. “After lunch, you seemed to start acting a bit off. Did the food not agree with you?”

“No it’s not that…”

“Then what?” You asked, closing your book. When Taehyung didn’t answer, you crawled off your bed and to him. Taking his books, you set them aside and nuzzled yourself by his lap. He chuckled as you took his arms, wrapping them around your waist while your own wrapped around him, and you pulled him into a tight hug. “You know you can tell me, right?” Taehyung gave your waist a little squeeze, nodding.

“Yeah.” He said. “I know.” As you made yourself comfortable in his lap, he picked up his phone and scrolled through it. He pulled up the group chat he and his friends had and scrolled up a bit.

Jin-Hyung: Namjoon, how are you doing studying for those entrance exams? (Sent 1:45p.m.)

Namjoon-Hyung: Fine. Why do you need help? (Sent 1:47p.m.)

Jin-Hyung: Just on a few problems. (Sent 1:49p.m.)

Hobi-Hyung: Yoongi and I are meeting up to study if you want to join us. (Sent 1:52 p.m.)

Yoongi-Hyung: He said I don’t have a choice -.- (Sent 1:54p.m.)

Namjoon-Hyung: Sure! I’ll be there! (Sent 1:55p.m.)

Jin-Hyung: Me too! Me too! (Sent 1:57p.m.)

You glanced up at him as he scrolled down a bit, revealing that Jungkook and Jimin had also begun to reply.

Kookie: Good luck, Hyungs! Fighting! >.< (Sent 2:15 p.m.)

Jimin: When are those tests, again? (Sent 2:20 p.m.)

Namjoon-Hyung: Around May I think, so we might as well start preparing now. (Sent 2:23p.m.)

“They’re all really serious about their exams.” He said.

“That’s good.” You smiled. “They’re all going to do great if they keep this attitude!” You looked back at Taehyung and saw him frowning. “Tae…what’s wrong?” you asked curiously. “Are you not happy for them?”

“I am it’s just…” he lolled his head back onto the bed. “It won’t be the same when they’re away at college.”

“I know. But you’ll still get to see them. Plus Jimin and Jungkook will still be here.” You said, hoping that would encourage him. It didn’t seem to work.

“Namjoon-Hyung said he wanted to go to a college abroad.” He mumbled. “Jin-Hyung is talking about going for his masters….” He sighed. “Everything changed so fast with them. Here I am…still the same.” You took his hands.

“No you’re not the same. Think back to the person you were when we first met, you’re not the same anymore. You’ve improved so much, you all have.” You smiled sweetly. “You’re becoming better people.” Taehyung smiled.

“I just keep thinking about what I’ll do if I do end up graduating, I still have no idea. Jin-Hyung had to repeat a grade in middle school, that’s why he’s older than us. I wonder if I’ll end up that way…” You shook your head. “It’s frustrating to think about.”

“I don’t think you will. Don’t think so negative. You’ll graduate with me and Jimin, and Dahyun and Jihyo and then that’s it.” You smiled. “We’ll all be off on new and exciting adventures.” Taehyung sighed, lowering his head to rest against your own, and you nuzzled yourself closer to him, both of your hands interlocked together. “Even if you did, and I’m talking worst-case scenario, you’d still have Jungkook.”

“I guess.” He smiled, planting a gentle kiss on your head. “Life sucks.”

“Tell me about it.” You said, and the two of you giggled. “But at least we have each other. That way it sucks a little less.”

“That’s true.” He said. “Makes it a bit more tolerable.” You felt Taehyung’s free hand glide across your arm, and you hummed softly. It was nice, the two of you just sitting here together at this moment. Nothing else really mattered, not even the homework you had stopped doing.

“I keep thinking…” you said after a few moments of silence. “I keep thinking about how much trouble you were when I first moved here. Getting in fights, cutting class, smoking…”

“To be fair, I still smoke.”

“Yeah, I know.” You rolled your eyes. “But you’re nicer to people now, and you’re going to class and actively listening. I never thought when you and I met that I would be able to do it to you, let alone get your friends to do it too. I was so happy when the others said they would go for their entrance exams in the spring.” You rested against Taehyung’s chest. “I always knew none of you were bad people, just misguided.”

“Didn’t you say you used to help new kids at your school too?” he asked. You nodded. “Makes sense.” He nuzzled you. “I wonder where we’d still be had you not interrupted our lives.”

“Probably all smoking out behind the school and avoiding your duty as high school students, that’s what you’d be doing.” Taehyung laughed a bit.

“Yeah, probably.”

“I’m glad you don’t really do that anymore.”

“I guess.”

“Are you not?”

“I miss it sometimes. But everyone seems just as happy now so…I can’t really say I’m angry or anything. I just miss it.” You nodded in understanding. “I just…” he sighed. “When my Hyung’s finally graduate, there’s going to be so much I miss. We won’t see each other as often, especially if Namjoon-Hyung does go abroad. I kinda hope he doesn’t.”

“Well, we’ll all cross that bridge when we come to it. Besides, we still have the rest of this year and the summer to spend together.” Taehyung nodded, and you rubbed your fingers over his hands a bit, glancing down at them.

“What are you doing?” He asked.

“You just have soft hands. I’ve always thought so.” Taehyung smiled a bit, shifting his hands to bring them up to your cheeks. He gently turned you to face him and leaned in to kiss you gently. You hoisted yourself up just a bit, your hands covering his as much as they could due to the size difference as you kissed him back. You smiled when the two of you pulled away just slightly for air, and you looked at him. Taehyung saw your ears turn red a bit as you looked at him.

           Then, he heard it.

           “….I love you, Taehyung.” You said softly. Taehyung blinked, and he felt his cheeks, ears, and neck get hot. He felt as if everything stopped at that moment, and he just looked at you with a bit of a stunned expression on his face.

           “…H-huh?” he asked. You dropped your hands, looking just as surprised at his comment as he looked to yours. “Really?” his eyes darted away, towards your desk, towards the wall, just away from you, thinking that would hide how embarrassed and put off he was. You lowered yourself to sitting position, your legs under your bottom, as you looked up at him. He glanced at you. “Huh…” It made you smile, but he noticed immediately how sad you looked.

           “You don’t have to say it back if you’re not ready,” you said gently, moving off his lap. “I just wanted to tell you.”

           “No, it’s not that…” Taehyung watched you grab your stuff and bring it down beside him, sitting close as you opened your book. He sighed your name gently, putting a hand in your hair as he kissed your temple. It made you smile. “It just took me off guard, that’s all. I-“

           “Don’t say it if you’re not ready. I want you to mean it, okay?” You glanced up at him. “It’ll hurt more if you just say it to make me happy…” Hearing you say that made a wave of guilt wash over him and he looked away, opening his book.

           “Sorry.”

           “Don’t be sorry, I probably took you by surprise anyway.” You responded. “Let’s just get this work done. Maybe we can watch a movie if we have enough time.” Taehyung nodded, and the two of you began to work. “Now, what did you put for number eight?” you asked.

           Hearing you say to him that you loved him put his whole body and mind off track the rest of the day. You both managed to finish your work, sure, but his mind was swimming. Did he love you? Of course, he did, but how was he supposed to say it? He never had been in a relationship where he loved someone before, what does being in love feel like? He loved his friends, but he knew that was a different kind of love. He used to love his family, but that kind of love sizzled and burned away after the first punch from his father at 11 years old. So…what was love? How was he supposed to know when he was truly in love?

           But at the same time…hearing you say it to him…well it made him so happy. If he wasn’t as emotionally jaded as he was, he probably would have started to cry. The thoughts in his mind lasted until it was time for him to go home after dinner had long ended and you and your brother were tired and ready for bed.

           “I’ll see you at school Monday.” You said to him as you stood by the door. Taehyung scratched his head, nodding.

           “Uh-Huh.” You smiled at him, poking him in the stomach. “Hey.”

           “I told you not to think about what I said too seriously.” She said. “When you’re ready, you say it…”

           “Yeah but don’t all girls want to be told that they’re loved right back?” he asked.

           “Of course they do.” You responded. “It took me by surprise but…” you shrugged. “What am I supposed to do? Force you to say it if you don’t mean it?”

           “It’s not that I wouldn’t mean it, I just-“ you lifted a hand to stop him.

           “I know.” You said, biting your lip a bit. “I know…” You got up on your tiptoes to give him a quick peck. “I’ll see you Monday.”

           “Yeah…” he said, and you closed the door with a final goodnight. Taehyung stood there for a moment, sighing. Suddenly, he whipped his phone out and rushing down the street. He pulled up the group chat and sent a message:

           Meet me at Jin-Hyung’s house, God damn it! (Sent 7:45 p.m.)

           The group met at Jin’s house when Taehyung requested. They were honestly a bit worried something serious had happened, so they rushed over, the oldest four stopping their studying immediately to get there. They arrived at the apartment to see Taehyung pacing outside the door. They went inside and Taehyung explained everything.

           “….We stopped what we were doing…” Jimin began.

“Panicked and rushed over here…” Jin added.

“…..Because she told you she loved you?” Namjoon finished. Taehyung was standing in front of his friends, blinking.

“….YES!” He said. “Why are you acting like this isn’t that big a deal?!”

“….I’m going to kill you.” Yoongi glared, only to be nudged by Hoseok.

“You guys didn’t see how sad she looked when I replied.”

“Well…what did you say?” Jungkook asked, fiddling with his fingernails.

“…I think I just said ‘Huh?’” Taehyung said. The boys immediately all began to laugh. “Wha- It’s not funny!” He shouted. “Why are you laughing?!”

“You replied with ‘Huh?’ Oh my God, that’s too funny.” Namjoon said, covering his mouth a bit as he laughed.

“I’d be sad too if that were me!” Jimin said, he and Jungkook holding onto each other as they laughed in hysterics. Taehyung watched them and huffed.

“You guys are a bunch of assholes sometimes, you know that?!” He asked.

“We’re only kidding.” Jin said, wiping his eyes. “Relax, relax. What did she say after you replied with-“ he snorted. “-‘Huh?’” The other boys stopped laughing, but when Jin repeated it, they began again and Jin had to silence them.

“…She told me not to rush and I didn’t have to say it until I meant it…” He said. “But I know that was just to make me feel better, she looked so disappointed.” He sighed, scratching his head. "I didn’t think it’d be this big of a thing until she said it. It’s not that I wouldn’t mean it, I just…well, I don’t know.” He squatted down and pursed his lips together, groaning. “I hate dating.”

“No you don’t.” Hoseok said, throwing a pillow at him. “Now relax. Let’s go out and get some dinner, take your mind off of it for now.”

“Will you pay, Hyung?” Jungkook asked as everyone stood up.

“I got it.” Jin said, pulling out his wallet. “I have to look after my little brothers now don’t I?” He grinned playfully. “Yoongi gets to tip though.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Yoongi waved his head. Taehyung stood up, feeling Jimin throw his arm around him as they headed out the door. The group made their way to a nice BBQ restaurant near Jungkook’s house that he was always talking about, and they all had a great meal. Taehyung had to admit, it definitely helped him get his mind off the whole “I love you” thing for now. It was nice, getting to sit with his best friends over some good food and just talk. He knew these moments may be limited now, come the new school year, so he wanted to enjoy them while he could. The group stayed out until about 11p.m. before Namjoon was craving a smoke and they went into a nearby park to all smoke before catching the last trains to their respective homes. Taehyung rested against a tree, puffing cigarette smoke into the spring air as he looked at his friends.

“Thanks for dinner. It helped.” He said.

“Good. You shouldn’t take these inconveniences so seriously, it’s not that deep.” Jin said. “I’m sure she knows you love her.”

“Yeah, so no more making us think you killed a man or something. Make sure you only bother your Hyungs for something serious, okay?” Yoongi asked, leaning towards Hoseok to help light him another cigarette.

“Aww, Yoongi, cut him a break. It’s serious to him.” Hoseok smiled. As the group continued to chatter, they heard footsteps approaching. Thinking it was a cop coming to see where all the smoke and noise was coming from, the group quickly stomped out their cigarettes and tossed them in the trash. But the figure, it turned out, was the exact opposite of a cop. Ji Seok.

“….Well look who I have the fortune of running into.” Ji Seok sneered, glaring at the group. Taehyung hadn’t seen Ji Seok since he attacked you, and once he laid eyes on him, the memories surged and he became angry. Very angry. He stood up, but Jimin put a hand on his shoulder before he could walk over.

“Can we help you?” Jin asked.

“Just passing through.” Ji Seok said. He glanced at Taehyung. “How’s your girlfriend?” he smirked. “Heard she gets headaches just thinking about me now. Guess I have that kind of charm, huh?” Taehyung took a deep breath but kept calm, clutching his hands into fists.

“Don’t talk about her.” He said simply. “You’re lucky I don’t rip your arms off for what you did to her.”

“What I did?” he asked. He stepped closer. Taehyung immediately did as well, despite the others telling him to stay back. “I didn’t do anything…” he smirked. “Your little friends interrupted us before I could.”

“You’re disgusting.” Ji Seok shrugged.

“I heard you and your friends are preparing for entrance exams and school work.” He said. “Don’t tell me that little bitch made you all soft.”

“Don’t talk about her that way, Ji Seok.” Jungkook said, but Namjoon quickly told him to stop. Ji Seok glared at the youngest member before his eyes fell back to Taehyung. He could see the anger in his eyes.

“Ah, you haven’t really changed. I can see it.” He poked Taehyung’s chest. “You’re so angry. You want to punch me so bad. What? You playing the role of the good, helpful boyfriend to some pussy bitch so she’ll trust you? So she’ll…give you something?” he smirked. “I knew it from the moment I saw her that she’s nothing more than some girl to use for pleasure.” Taehyung’s fists were shaking as he kept them firmly in his pockets. “Don’t tell me I’m wrong. She’s cute. If I had enough time the last time I saw her, maybe I would have-“

“Do not finish that sentence.” Taehyung snapped. “Or I swear I’ll rip your lips off.”

“Oh jeez…” Hoseok mumbled, he, Yoongi and Namjoon stepping closer. They wanted to be ready to jump in when needed. Ji Seok noticed, but simply took Taehyung by the collar of his shirt. Taehyung grunted a bit, glaring at Ji Seok intensely.

“You’re such a pansy now. I expected you would’ve punched me already.” He said. “Oh well, it’ll make this a lot easier.” He used his other hand to uppercut Taehyung, sending him back and onto the ground. “I still haven’t gotten my revenge for you touching my girlfriend at Christmas.” Taehyung staggered to his feet as he heard footsteps behind him. Without missing a beat, he turned to see his friends approaching. He glared at them.

“Stay back.” He hissed, spitting blood from his mouth. “If this asshole has a death wish, I’ll be sure to give it to him.”

“Taehyung we’re not letting you beat this guy up.” Jimin said.

“Nah, listen to him.” Ji Seok said, swinging another fist to Taehyungs face. “I don’t want to fight anyone else.” Taehyung stood up again and immediately swung a punch back at Ji Seok.

                                                     ----------

“Mom?” you asked, looking at her in the kitchen. You were at home, helping your mom finish up the dishes from dessert and dinner as your brother and father were in the living room. Your brother was teaching your father how to play his favorite racing game, but your father seemed to have no idea what to do. You could hear him getting confused, and your brother was cracking up the entire time.

“Yes?” she asked.

“Who said ‘I love you’ first?” You asked. “You or Dad?”

“Well I did.” She said. “We had been dating about…2 to 3 months? I told him on our date to the botanical garden.” You nodded.

“And did he say it right back?” You asked. Your mother set a dish down and looked at you.

“Why do you ask, honey?”

“I just want to know.”

“Well…he was silent for a moment. I guess I surprised him. But, yes, he did.” You nodded, and your grip on the plate you were drying tightened. Your mother set her plate down and turned to you. “He didn’t say it back…did he?”

“No…” you said softly. “I told him today and…he just said ‘Huh? Really?’ I know I probably surprised him but…I didn’t think he would react like that.” Your mother chuckled.

“Honey, don’t worry. Not every couple says I love you right at the same time.” She said.

“But doesn’t that mean he doesn’t…feel that same way? I told him to say it when he’s ready but…what if he isn’t?”

“I doubt that. Taehyung is crazy about you.” She smiled. “I think it just took him off guard. Don’t let it get to you, honey. The way he looks at you, the way he treats you, he loves you with every fiber of his being. From what you’ve shared with me about him…love seems to be something he lacks, something he doesn’t understand. He just needs to learn how to put it into words.”

“You think it’d be so easy.”

“Men aren’t always bright. Your father said it back, yes, but it looked like he was about to throw up when I said it.” You giggled.

“Really?” You both laughed at the image of your father looked truly stunned, something you personally rarely got to see. “Thanks, Mom.”

“Of course.” She leaned over and kissed your hair, patting your back as you both finished up the dishes. When that was done, you headed up to your room after kissing your father goodnight and saying it to your brother, who was still laughing at dad’s poor video game skills. Talking with your mom helped, it always did, so you felt better as you got into bed. You put on some music and closed your eyes as you got to relax.

“Yeah…he ’ll say it when he’s ready.” You mumbled to yourself. “I shouldn’t be so worried.” Just then, you got a phone call. Rolling on your side, you saw a picture of Jungkook pop-up. It was the contact photo of him and you in the school cafeteria, both of you flashing the peace sign. You had a similar contact photo for all of the boys. Raising an eyebrow, you answered. “Hey, Jungkook…what’s wrong?” you asked. You listened to him, and immediately you shot up in bed.

“What do you mean Taehyung’s been arrested?!”

Return to Masterlist

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[cruddyborderlandstheories]

COMMANDER LILITH

THIS NEWS @ ME AND THE VINE COMP

LETS GOOOOOOOOO

BEST NEWS FIRST

IT’S SUPPOSEDLY FREE AND COMING OUT NOT THE 11TH BUT THE 9TH LIKE THIS MONTH THE 9TH LIKE IN 4 DAYS

I FEEL BAD FOR THE PEOPLE GOING TO E3 CAUSE NOW THEY CAN’T PLAY THIS DLC UNTIL THEY GET HOME, F IN CHAT FOR THE BOYS

HOLY SHIT THIS IS REAL OKAY

EVERYBODY STAY CALM

SANCTUARY IS UNDER SIEGE

TELL ME SOMETHING I DON’T KNOW, BABY

THE VAULT MAP HAS BEEN STOLEN

OH WE’RE OFFICIALLY CALLING IT THE VAULT MAP NOW, OKAY, CALYPSO TWINS CONFIRMED TO HAVE TAKEN OUR OLD KEY

YOU KNOW WHAT’S NOT CONFIRMED WHATEVER THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH ALL THESE GODDAMN PLANTS

YOU GUYS REMEMBER THAT OLD CANCELED TPS DLC? OF COURSE YOU DO, THAT’S WHAT THEY ARE APPARENTLY USING AS A BASE FOR THIS ONE

REMEMBER THE “INFECTED” STATUS EFFECT? WELL, I’M ASSUMING THAT’S WHAT THE TOXIC GAS IS

“A DERANGED VILLAIN HELL-BENT ON RULING THE PLANET” SO WE’RE NOT FIGHTING THE CALYPSO TWINS?! SOMEONE UNDER THEM??? I ALMOST WANT TO BELIEVE IT’S SOMEONE ENTIRELY DIFFERENT- JUST SOME RANDOM ASSHOLE WHO WANTS TO RULE THE WORLD AND THE TWINS SHOW UP AT THE END OF THE DLC AND WIPE HIS ASS OFF THE MAP FOR US AND YOINK THE VAULT MAP THAT IS RIGHTFULLY OURS AWAY FROM UNDER US

NEW LEVEL CAP 80?? HOLY FUCK?????? AND WE CAN START PLAYING IMMEDIATELY AT LEVEL 30 OH MY GOD I COULD KISS WHOEVER DECIDED THAT WAS NECESSARY I LOVE YOU

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR OP LEVELS? AM I GONNA BOP IN WITH MY OP8 ZER0 AND END UP FIGHTING ENEMIES AT LEVEL 88 WHEN I FINALLY LEVEL UP??? WHEN MY GEAR IS LEVEL 80 (AS THAT’S WHAT OP8 DOES) BECAUSE OH MY SWEET JESUS I DON’T WANNA GRIND MY HIDE OF TERRA AGAIN AHHGGGGGG

okay im gonna take a breath now

we’re calm

we’re good. this is good, we’re okay, i have to type everything 5 times over so its coherent but you know what this is okay this is happening, we’re cool.

i have to be the bearer of bad news as well but i don’t know if those screencaps of the ship from bl3 are what we’re seeing here in the new dlc (as much as I want to be right lmao). the screencaps of the ship definitely seemed like a insect infestation, not a plant one, ya know?

THEY’RE TURNING THE CARS GAY

or at least like... Buttstallion themed... check out the little horseshoe emoticon in the back there

but it’s pride month, they totally knew what they were doing and the fact that pre-ordered copies of bl3 apparently get a buttstallion themed skin for their ...gear... guns..? iirc... that means we can have gay guns in bl3, too. gearbox is treating us so fucking right, thank you

anyway the location the car is in looks like the highlands or a hammerlock’s big game hunt-type area. mossy/grassy with boulders in the background.

it looks almost like uranus spawns in right at the start of the dlc! which is awesome, and now i understand why they boost you to 30 before you start.

im verrrryyyy interested in that shot of Sanctuary up in the sky there. you can see the drill, its surrounded by a cloud of dust, it looks like its falling to pieces. i also don’t know where exactly this screenshot takes place but my first thought was the eridium blight (because of the mountain in the back) but that wouldn’t match the sky at all. I then thought maybe the ruins of helios? but we would be able to see more rocks and shit around the edges. then i was all “maybe the highlands”? the rock would match as it has grass growing on top, and sanctuary is very close to overlook, so it’s definitely possible. im gonna say somewhere near the highlands, yeah. the WEP and Opportunity are both fairly near there and it does have some pretty mountainous areas... so. maybe the highlands.

it looks like the giant vines are reaching up towards sanctuary so i retract my previous statement. i don’t think that’s dust. i think they’re drilling away at the plants trying to grow up to it lol

“Shooting the Moon” makes me think this has something to do with Elpis (not a surprise, if you realize the dlc they’re basing this off of is an old TPS dlc called Luxy’s Space Adventure where a bunch of mutated plant people end up on the space-cruise ship) 

honestly i’m really fucking hoping they bring back the flamethrower for the final boss (elon musk’s..?)

an area where we can see exactly what this space-cruise ship was supposed to look like

we also know in the dlc that the disease was spread by some space pirates, so i don’t know if that’s going to be the case here (they board the cruise ship and start spreading disease). Loader bots are apparently ‘Hacked’ so it’s probably not Hyperion we’re going at again. I could see them throwing the space pirates at us, tho maybe changing the guys a little bit so it’s not too much like Captain Scarlett. 

there is this boss character and that logo on the bottom, possibly a logo for who we’re going to fight in the new dlc? Interestingly enough, she’s got the red and black color scheme, too. cough troy cough. god them having space pirate as a backstory would be fucking AWESOME

i have been going thru the concept art album here if you want to take a look for yourself and tbh

this pic got me thinking about that “Atlas ice cream shop” prompt the VA for lorelei released 🤔

anyway, moving on from old dlc to what’s new! because lord knows they must’ve changed a lot lol

the infected psychos on the title art

also, correct me if im wrong, but it looks like lily is standing in 2 places at once- flying sanctuary on the right and three horns divide on the left

anyway

uranus looks a lot more DAHL themed than i originally noticed, like yeah he looks like saturn, but check that color scheme. may be the work of the new baddies.

this logo may hold some importance, but i can’t recall ever seeing something like it before.

so this minimap

lucky me i extracted all the textures from bl2 a couple days ago

im very pleased to say this doesn’t look like any minimap we’ve been shown so far, although i did a very quick glance through, so if you guys recognize it, please tell me!!

i can’t believe they made the guns sparkly and gay. Thank you gearbox. fucking thank you.

the area sal is in reminds of that one place in frostburn canyon, but i doubt that’s actually where he is. likely a new area we haven’t discovered yet!!

lily

the background is uhhh disgusting, but it is giving me WEP vibes, with the windmill/lighthouse (wherever that area is where you find maya’s ECHO log) and the walls. though the texture of the ground is giving me hammerlock’s hunt vibes.

anyone know why her wings are giving off the digital pixel look angel’s did? like the digistruct vibe?

weird.

tina! she’s clearly playing a big part in this dlc. wondering if pickle and athena are also around. I don’t think this is sanctuary. the big wall in the back. perhaps where the vines are actually growing from below the mining ship?

would then pin this as somewhere near overlook.

brick! looks to be the same-ish area as tina (if the buildings have anything to say about it)

honestly the people in the ground is killing me lol. person on the left seems like some random civilian..? he’s just got pants and loafers on. maybe the cruise ship crashed on pandora and the pirates aboard are taking their changes lol

doubtful, though, considering the plan seems premeditated with the huge cloud of toxic gas and shit

now I’m just wondering if the reason the CoV psychos are wearing those respirator-like masks is because the twins showed up with them and were like “if you wear these ‘blessed masks’ when you go to fight the plant shit, you won’t die. yeah, we’re gods. join our cult lmao”.

im just really curious how this ties into the CoV. I imagine either the twins are working with the (new?) villain somehow, or they end up stealing the Vault Map away from us (and possibly killing the bad guy first) at the very end of the DLC. I do want to entertain the idea that they’re like “hey!!! we can help!!!” and then end up betraying us right at the end and toppling Sanctuary for good and taking the key.

alright, that’s all i’ve got. I’m gonna go scream into my pillows now until the 9th happens. 

btw, season 1 of vip stuff happens TOMORROW (the 6th!). hype!!!

edit:

lilith’s digistruct pack has a red accent on it now

im wondering if this is some sort of projection of Lily since her wings have the weird pixels...

[thcbcys]

Time to talk about my year and some people I’ve met / Been around a lot in 2018.

Alright, So I started 2018 off in the South park fandom, as I did in 2017 as well. It was fine until Drama started rolling in and I started openly talking about my problems. I got ignored a lot and Had to have some of my actual BFF’s calm me down at times. It had been a shitty few months in this year, Most of the people I use to talk to stopped talking to me, Blocked me or have deactivated and lost contact with. But There’s good some good memories in there, I met a few people I called my family and I love them dearly, I met my lovely girlfriend...and Ex girlfriend this year as well. 

School sucked, I moved a lot and well I still don’t have any real life friends besides my cousin and best friend who I rarely see because She’s gone off to CEGEP / University ATM. I got bullied again and got called names a lot, I’ve gotten comments about my looks and my problems and How I always looked so depressed and down all the time. I guess that was because I was having a shitty time...I mean, I had been moving around a lot, I moved schools 4-5 times in the past 2 years and honestly I was just getting tired of being stabbed in the back by people. So This was the year I started cutting myself, Crying myself to sleep, being more quiet about being sad and triggers started affecting me even more then they use to. My family was being a bitch, My mother was making me her slave while she was on crutches, my dad and I fought, I wanted to move in with my grandmother, I wanted to run away a few times as well. 

Good things that came out of this year actually was I started learning a lot about myself, Like Gender issues and Sexuality. I learned that I really liked girls A LOT. I figured out my art style and kept developing on it. I joined a fandom I was accepted in, Made some really great and beautiful people and Got myself a lovely girlfriend that I love so much. I moved back to my old down as well. I’m going to be graduating this year as well...So yeah. 

Now Ig’s Its time to talk about some of the people I met and Loved this year a lot??

@stcrmclcud: My best friend, Holy fuck man. Abi’s always there for me and Just knows how to make me smile all the time. She’s a beautiful being that just wow...That’s been my friend for almost 2-3 years now? Like fuck, That’s the longest I’ve ever had a friend for man. This girl here, I would fucking die for her if she asked me to, I wouldn’t even hesitate. Just I’m gonna love Abi until she gets sick of me, Because holy fuck man,,,, Just wow. ily bitch, I ain’t ever gonna stop loving you bitch

@homeonethewastes: !! Darkness holy shit, You are the one and only true fucking friend to have,,, Like FUCK. This man here stayed up with me one whole night a few times because I was feeling suicidal and just crying a lot. He calmed me down once others went to be and just wow. This is the truest friend you could ever have. He’s a big sweetie who needs to learn that he isn’t ugly at all! He needs to fucking remember that I love him sm because GODDDDDD I would die for him too, Like shoot me for him, Pls just let me die for you. Our chats / shitposts are great and I love when we talk and shitpost, I jst love talking with you man. You and Abi are like the main reasons I haven’t left the internet RPC community. 

@kahlvin-cycle: This man right here, This is a man I love. Fucking ALEKS, I love a man named Aleks so much like holy fucking shit. We started out in the middle of this year fucking shit posting, That was our first fucking interaction together ;; Door knob Dick Donovan. And then boom, We became friends after that jewbfew. Listen okay, Aleks is a big fucking sweetie and I love him with my whole heart, He’s another reason Why I haven’t left the Internet as well. His writing is amazing, His art makes me NUT, Just w o w. You need to learn to love yourself or else I’m gonna kick your ass. Another lovely man I would Die for as well. Just /Murder me for him/

@whitetrashugly: SUNI, My big brother,, This boy here holy fucking tiddys. I love him sm, Like??? You don’t understand???? He’s a big fucking sweetie, Has tired and probably still will try and fight someone for me. He’s helped me out so much threw the years, I’ve known him since I started in the South park community, And I will continue to be in contact with him because oof <3 Why wouldn’t I? Bitch ily sm

@creekbrat: LYALL YOU LOVELY PIECE OF CAKE. Guys, this human right here, ya this is a good person and I love them so fucking much. Lyall is a big fucking sweetie and just wow, A fucking joy to be around, Their art is great, I love their selfies as well just ooffff <3 I honestly count Lyall as a good friend of mine, Even if we don’t talk as much as I want to ;y;

@marjorinetenorman: Nyx, My lovely girlfriend. Oof I love you so fucking much, Like holy crap. You’re so beautiful and lovely and I just wanna hug and kiss you all the time. Like, I don’t get why some people don’t like you, Their clearly weird honestly. I don’t see what they see, you are a fucking joy to be around, the conversations we have together are fucking sweet and just wow. I’m so fucking happy to have you as my S/O and I just wish we continue for a long while. <3

@violetreflectixn: Rattie,, omg okay so like.....I started off being so scared to talk to you. And then you brought up that you were into Btd,,, and then I started talking to you ;y; I was a nervous bean. You were there for me when the shit went down in the BTD fandom, you were there for me when I felt like shit. Like wow, You really didn’t need to do that ;y; but you did and I’m like super thankful that you did <3 I’m like super glad to have met you! 

@youbxstards: KITTY, You big fucking sweetie!! Aaaa!! This here, This is the best fucking person you could ever meet. She’s always there for you, she helps you when your down, She’s a big joy to be around, Like holy fuck. She’s like a big sister to me, A mom as well. She watched over me for a while and I was so thankful that she did. ;y; I believe I was the reason she came into the south park fandom,, So that’s a thing,, I encouraged her to make a Kyle blog after we were talking about it on another one of her old blogs. 

@dcvotiion: mmm Jeremy, This big fucking bean. This big lovely fucking bean. I was so terrified to talk with you?? Like?? I was just so fucking nervous. And then I started talking with rattie and then met you and just oof. You were there for me too when I was getting harassed ;y; I’m so fucking happy about that like,, wow,, you didn’t need to do that ether but you did. You’re a big sweetie and ily so much. We have some pretty interesting conversations too wefhbjewbh even if they get weird at times. 

@nathanthesoldierboy: Nat,,, Just,,,,omfg<3 This boy here, Ya I fucking love his to pieces. Like, Hes a huge fucking sweetie pants and I wish he would let me help him and make him feel better Like,,, Pls I wish to make you happy, let me do this as a friend. His character is just wow, Himself is just WOW. I love you sm like?? Even if we’ve been mutuals for what? 2-3 months now? idfc, I love you man. I just wanna talk with you a lot more tho ;y; pwease senpai. 

@mayhemandmonsters: Code, You are a fucking lovable potato and I love you,, Like FUCK. You’re so sweet?? and kind?? and Loving and I just?? Can i get some of that. I’m still a nervous wreck to talk to you ;y; But I manage to at least have a conversation in the sever with you from time to time. :”) I just wish to conjure the balls to have a full on conversation on day.

@how-to-train-your-slytherin: Chase love sweetie, doll. I love you. You’re so fucking adorable and kind and I just scream?? Because wow, How can someone be so fucking cute. You’re such a joy, Like holy god, I seem to laugh a lot with the stuff you say and the interactions you have with Kenny. Just ;y; omg I love you,,,

@kill-me-again-im-still-conscious:  Toshire.. I’ve talked to you for what? A few weeks now, I don’t fucking care. I still love you and if anything happens to you I’m killing everyone In the room and then myself. You are a fucking doll and just wow, ily. We need to talk more, We must conversation a bit and help me be a human being. 

[meowinhideout]

Bird Box au (sp)

Part 2

It had been about a month with the new three and it was quite enjoyable. Until today.

"hey we will go on a food run okay? We're going to be back soon." Stan said then softly kissed Wendy.

"stay safe." Stan whispered to Wendy softly and then went to the door of the garage. Craig looked at tweek then sat next to him.

"honey I promise I'll come back I promise..I love you tons. Remember though what to do if we dont come back tonight.." Craig whispered and tweek felt tears fill up his eyes as he nodded slowly and held Craig's hand to his face.

"I love you Craig. Don't die..please.." tweek closed his eyes and hugged Craig tightly then let go and watched them leave.

"they'll be ok tweek they're strong.." Wendy reassessed the twitchy boy. Tweek nodded then smiled wiping his tears.

"how about some music?" And Wendy nodded rapidly as tweek went to get the CD and record player. Tweek got some CDs Craig had bought a few years ago and played them. Rock. Wendy laughed while tweek turned down the music.

"wonderful music for the baby." Wendy chuckled as tweek just smiled. He got them whatever food was left and they chatted until Wendy groaned. She assured she was fine but tweek didn't believe her so he helped her upstairs into one of the guest rooms quickly getting buckets and water plus scissors. Tweek ran up the stairs quickly to see Wendy breathing roughly and her water seemed to have broken.

"w-wendy! Oh shoot! It's okay it's okay! I'll call the others!." Tweek was panicking again. Wendy shook her head.

"not enough time!" She screamed clutching the bed sheets she was laying on.

"you're going to have to do it!" Wendy shouted once again. Tweek nodded then heard the car park but had no time to go see who it was so he shut the door and started helping Wendy. She shouted with every push she had to give. They heard foot steps but they stopped.

"c'mon Wendy one more !" Tweek shouted holding one of her hands and the other holding the baby that now was officially out.

"you did great Wendy! Look here he is." Tweek sighed handing her the baby as Wendy was panting quietly. She smiled looked at him.

"Thank you tweek." She started crying. Tweek sat next to Wendy then hugged her quickly.

"he's beautiful." Tweek complimented and need just chuckled and silently cried holding her baby. Tweek went downstairs and saw Craig and Kyle but no stan.

"Hey guys. Where's stan?" Tweek asked softly seeing tears down their faces. They avoided the question.

"Is Wendy alright? We heard screaming but it went on longer. We thought she was going into labor." Kyle asked looked up the stairs but not walking up. Tweek nodded. Craig looked at tweek with a sort of sadness in his eyes.

"can we go see her?" Craig asked. The two boys had wanted to have a kid but this whole mess happened as soon as they were going to adopt a new kid.

"let me see." Tweek whispered getting the idea of stan too scared to go face Wendy but he had too. He went upstairs and knocked on the door.

"can I come in. The boys are back.." tweek said and he heard Wendy yell yes. So Tweek got the boys and took them into the room. Wendy held disappointment not seeing stan but she shrugged it off to now.

"Its okay. You guys can come closer.. Me and stan named him Aiden. " The three came closer to look at him and smiled.

"he's adorable. A wonderful nam-" Kyle was cut off by a small sob. Stan was his best friend since preschool.

"Kyle what's the matter? And where is stan?" You could hear the desperation in Wendy's voice once she asked. Craig looked down and kneeled next to Wendy holding her arm softly as Kyle left the room for a second.

"Wendy..at the store..he uhm. We heard a pounding int he freezer room and well stan being the hero he is went to go see what is was. We told not to go but he didn't listen. Then the pounding got louder and he went in but started screaming..he told us before going in that of anything happened to him to tell you that he loves you.. and his baby..and he hopes we can keep you safe." Craig finished tears rolling down all their faces.

"no..he can't be.." Wendy started sobbing holding her baby softly. Tweek hugged her from the side and they silently cried together until Kyle started shouting from outside. Craig shot up with tweek.

"no stay here with Wendy! I will not lose you! And she can't lose you!" Craig shouted at tweek who looked like he was near loosing everything in life.

"No I cant lose you! We need you! I need you!" Tweek shouted crying then glancing at Wendy. Craig looked at tweek with a sort of guilty look then looked down.

"I love you and I care for Wendy. Remember what to do if anything happens to me." Craig whispered quickly then went to get his gun. Tweek looked to Wendy who shared a terrified face.

"I'm going to go get my bat just in case. I'll be right back." Wendy nodded and tweek ran downstairs with incredible speed then back upstairs closing the door.

"tweek. Listen to me. Im weaker than I usually am but know that if anything happens to me..take care of my baby please.." tweek knew Wendy was strong so what as she saying but she just lost her husband and had a child. She's scared. Tweek looked into her hopeful eyes and nodded then the two heard shouts.

"look Craig! They're beautiful!" Was the last shout heard before a loud bang. Then the door slammed open and loud stomping up the stairs were heard...

Part 2 y'all I enjoy writing this so I think about making a small series of it. So yeah. I'm so not sorry for leaving it a cliffhanger i might make the second part tonight so ye!

If you guys want more stories expect more. If you want to see where some of the other characters are or have any questions ask.

[dragon5kulls-blog]

Losing Her

Losing the one person I've ever told "I love you"....her. (lets call her Guava, cause that was a nickname given to her cause she likes guava juice/soda) I've always been very closed, reserved, and if you would know me IRL, you would of never noticed me sad, depressed. You would just seen me as somewhere in between quiet and calm, but that is because I have always been great at hiding emotions. We broke up about 12 hours ago. She was my first. 16 years single until about a month ago for the very reason that I knew that I would get so attached and it would hurt the day they left. Scared of losing someone I love. It was an LDR which most people say really ever works out, and even knowing this, I still gave her a chance. We first met on discord, march/29/2019 a friday, and I would normally just pop in different channels and my typical lines were "oh yeah yeah" "oh no no" and "oh boi". She told me that she was in one of the channels were I joined and she repeated back what i was saying, and it went for a bit, until i went to another channel. Now its march 30, and I went around playing piano to others. There was this one guy who could sing and I started to voice record, me playing bich lasagna and him singing it. Then I went to another channel, were there she was again. It was a channel with 4 other people in it. I joined into her telling a FanFic about...Hitler and Jesus . Yep... and i'm not religious myself but I was (still am for about 2 more weeks) in a catholic class on Sundays, so yeah....oh boi. It was weird, but I was bored, so I stayed in the voice channel. We decided to just make a group chat just for us 5 people so she could finish the FanFic. She read it, we had our reactions and we just kept talking on that call. After some time, one by one they left the call until it was just me and her, we talked for a couple of min until I said that i'm just going to head back to the there server because it was a bit awkward now since I never had female friends, except for one who i met online( lets call her Mia), and neither have I been interested in being in a relationship so it just felt a bit weird. When I told her i was just about just head out and go back to the server, she told something along the lines of "oh, you just gona leave the call, i see how it is" and that very day, I had the choice to stay or to go. As I said, I would of always just left and not think about it, but I something something different this time. I chose to stay. We talked about my Dog named Max, cutest dog ever, yeah he isn't really well with other dogs, but he was my little max. At some point in life I did feel suicidal for other reasons that involved my parents, me, and my brothers. But thanks to max, whenever I used to start thinking about just ending the pain that went on for months, I would always look at max and start cuddling with him. Thanks to him and Mia, a friend that i trusted enough to talk about the situation i was in at the moment, i would always stop myself and feel a bit better. We talked about a few other things too, by this time its been around an hour or so that we have been talking and i receive a dm from one of the people that was in that group (lets call her Caitlin). Caitlin saw that we were still in the call and just typed "i ship it" and i was like uh, oh no no. and she told me, why not. I said that i wasn't here for that, and she told me, there is no harm in sliding in Guava dm's and getting to know her. So Caitlin now joins the call as well and asked her how old Guava was, and she said 16, she asked me and i said 16, then Caitlin sent me a dm saying to go for it, i just kinda ignored it. So I talked for a few more min to both of them, until i told them I was goin to the store real quick, so I just muted and left. When i came back I un-muted and said my usual phrase "oh yeah yeah, im back boi" and they was like oh, hi again. The three of us were talking about music and a few other things. Because this Sunday church class was close to where my mom and brothers lived, every Saturday my dad would drive me to my moms house in the afternoon and pick me up the next day. So I told them that I had to go, said bye and just left the call. About 3 min later as i'm getting my stuff ready to go, I receive a dm this time from Guava saying "where did you go ?:(" and i told her that my brothers came over and that i had to go to their place. Then she told me if i will send pictures of max, i told her, if I remember then yeah. Then her next text was " he’s sO cute(like me), you better remember" so I kinda avoided responding to her dm by talking about something else, a few the rest of the text were from her saying " it’s like almost 3pm over there right?" I said "Yep" then she said "it’s so sad, well can you do me a favor before you go >:0" i asked "Wut" she said "call real quick and say oh yea yea :’o" So obviously i already can tell she kinda into me. So I finish packing up my stuff and go back to my laptop to shut it down, but as im closing apps, i see that I left the voice recorder on, and im sitting there like, oops. and so I was hearing the audio so i can know when to edit out the rest that wasn't the guy that singed bich lasagna. I got a bit curious and remembered that they were talking when I left to the store earlier, and so I skipped to that part where I muted my self and left. Caitlin asked her what were we talking about and she said about max and a few other things and that I seemed cute. Caitlin told her to slide in my dm''s then, and Guava sounded unsure, so Caitlin told her that she should just said "fuk it" "just go for it". At this point I was surprised, I ended up saving that part of the recording but had to go now cause my dad was waiting for me in the car. So i'm at my mom's house and its around like 6pm for me, and she is in a different time zone, 6 hours ahead. So i decided to call her, forgetting that its 12pm for her, but she picked up. I showed her max for a while and then went back to just voice chat. We talked for a bit more and then they left the call again. i talked to guava for while again until like a half an hour later when I realized that she has fallen asleep on the call. so i'm like, 0of, her phones battery is gona be dead when she wake up. So I ended up get a call from the group chat shortly after. The rest of the group chat we talking and I told Caitlin that Guava fell asleep on the call, Caitlin just said, cute, I responded with "oh no no". So we stayed on the group call for about 2 more hours, Once in a while I checked on Guava to check if she still had the call open, and she did, I joined once in a while and said "Oh yeah yeah" I even texted her that im tying to wake her up cause her phone was gona die. At around 9, I started watching youtube and getting ready to sleep at around 11. Its Sunday morning and I wake up to a text from her saying " i-, my phone is always on battery save, so it can literally survive on 1% for an hour, I woke up alone still in the call at 8am with 3%, thanks tho, for trynna wake me up" I told her that I joined once in a while and said Oh yeah yeah, she said that was cute and she wish she would of woken up, but the way I say Oh yeah yeah is soothing, so of course she wouldn't wake up, I and so I say, wut... that's a first. To switch up the convo, I told her that Max has just woken up and she wanted to see him. The room was dark and i didn't want to turn on the light cause I didn't want to wake u my brother, so instead I sent her pictures of Max, and then we sent each other a bit of memes. That was that for the day, Monday comes, and i remember that she is 6 hours ahead, so at 12:42pm my time I sent her a text saying to wake up cause its time for school, and she said she still had time for a few more min of sleep and then asked me if I shouldn't be asleep. I told her thats its 12:42pm and she told me to not stay up to late. I told her why not, she stays up late too, and then she asked me if she can send the pic of me to Caitlin. Yesterday she asked for a pic of me, and was saying nah, im good. She kinda ended up pressuring me to send it, so I was like fine. I sent her a pic that I took about 3 months ago of me and max laying down. So she's asking if she could send it to Caitlin cause she wanted to know how I looked like too. It was time for her to go school by now so she just tells me goodnight. I went to sleep and then I left to school. Came back and then we were just texting for a while, then we just called for a while till she left to eat. About and hour and a half passed by now and decided to give her a call, she didn't pick up so I just went back to the other Server and talked to other random people. She texts me back like 30 min later saying sorry that she was busy playing minecraft, and so i tell her, nice, me and another friend from school were planning to play minecraft, but he never picked up. Then I tell her to go to sleep cause for her it was 2am, she just replied with "no u". We texted for a few more min, and then I remember that the day before, she wanted me to learn a song on the piano, so I told her before she goes to sleep, if I can call real quick if she wants to hear the bit that I learned, she said yeah. I called her and showed her the bit that I was practicing and then we just talked for a few more min. Then again, she fell asleep on the call, and of course I stayed on the call this time and said oh yeah yeah once in a while. After a few hours she just left the call with out saying anything, so im like...ok. Discord bot kicked me from the call after 5 min. I stay up till like 2am again and she text me saying, damn, that she didn't know she fell asleep on the call again. I told her that I did the same thing, saying oh yeah yeah once in a while. I went to sleep, and woke up to her text that said she felt tired cause she stays up late too, and I tell her "oh boi". I had to go to school but I wanted to keep talking to her, so I skipped my first period class and kept texting her. She told me she doesn't want to go to work, and she told the time she has work and then we were talking about other stuff too. I went to school late, we made cookies in class that day, and so when I came back, I told her what we did and so on. She ended up reading stories she found online and then would you rather. We ended up talking about, lets just say, "stuff" as well, and then I decided to show her the voice recording, and we talked. I told her that I have never been in a relationship and idk. After that, everyday we talked every time we could, and on April 3rd, I showed her the screenshots of Caitlin that she was telling me to go for it and stuff, she also showed me screenshots that Caitlin told her too. We talked every single day playing minecraft, watching movies by screen sharing my screen, anything that just had us on a call. On April 14 we even stayed on the call for 14 hours, and we had an idea, to see if we could even do a 24 hour call. This was also the day in which i opened up to her about the stuff I've been through in the past, which was hard, but I trusted her. She is a big fan of Marvel, mainly Spider-man, in particular Tom Holland. and we planned to see Endgame the same day it came out. Whenever we couldn't get on a call for reasons, I would still text her, and she told me, "why is time going so slow when I’m not talking with you" and I would say the same, but at the same time it when ever we were on a call, it also felt like forever, but it a good way, in which I enjoyed every single second of it. One of the other things we did was having my webcam facing the table and we both just draw. Fast forward to 26 of April, Another thing we did was that during her lunch periods at school, she would always call me, so we are talking, and then she says she has to go they got an announcement that told everyone to meet up. She texts me a bit later and tells me that there was something that happened at her school, they were all crying cause they had a teacher that just passed away in the building. This was also the same day we both we gona see Endgame. We keep talking like normal again. On the 28 of April is when I finally said yes to her. I started to get to school late and leave early often because I wanted to talk to her. I always use to soft talk her to sleep to now, it was our thing where we just keep the call on while we sleep too. A few of the times where she was sleeping, she mumbled "I love you". This was one of the many things I found adorable about her, like the way she giggled when I used to make her laugh, when on Saturdays it was me who woke up to her voice on the call, whenever I was feeling sick she used to just say in a soft voice "don't worry about it", we used to tell each other to imagine what a warm hug from us would feel, and we had our little nicknames for each other too, and another thing that we used to said was "I love you 3000". So now its May 5, and this day we were sent to a catholic retreat that was required to pass this church class. Like a week before this day, my mom called to let me know I had to go there, the first thing I did was that I told her that I had to go to this place for 3 days, cause that is what I was told. I told her that If I wasn't able to call, ill at least text her whenever I can. So the day comes and i'm letting her know that i'm in the car with the teacher and the other 2 people that was going too. So I made sure to let her know when I get on the car, and when we got there. So we get of the car and I have my backpack with cloths and stuff, thinking that we just gona walk in and see what this is all about, but before we left the car, the teacher told us that we had to leave our phones in the car for now. So i'm like, ok, maybe they just want to make sure we pay attention to where we were, what we gona do, ect. So before I left my phone, I texted her that our teacher told us to leave the phones in the car. We left them and went in. We went to a place that was like a hotel, they had our names already, took our bags, and told us to go to a bigger room. Here is where there was like 50 other people too. So i'm like wow. We just standing there wondering what is we going to do now. They explain the schedule and said we were goin to have a room with a roomate, so im like, dope. So after like an hour of talking and getting to know one another a bit, they tell us we can now go to our rooms and rest. So im like, yess, im feeling tired and I already miss my baby nugget, that was one of our little nicknames. So as people were heading to their rooms, I start to look for our teacher to ask him for my phone now, he ends up saying that we aren't getting them back till this is over, because he wants us to fully live this experience we were going to get. So at this point, in the inside I start to feel sad and mad because I promised Guava that I would have communication with her. I felt like I was going to let her down. I head to my room and see my roomate, I say whats up to him and then we just start to talk for a bit, he 19 and was very chill and nice to talk too. By this time its late and I was bored, and then I remembered that I had a notebook in my bag, so I take that out and a pencil, then I start writing exactly the way I would text her, It started with like 2 sentences and I thought by the time we leave this place, I would have like possibly 2 whole pages written down, but nope, I ended up writing 15 pages, top to bottom, and I even drew a rose for her one of those days. They had the windows covered with stuff and there wasn't any clocks, so we didn't really have a concept of time, those 3-4 days actually felt like 1-2 weeks, but I kept writing about what we did, the people I met, the food, but mainly how much I missed her. As I said before, i'm not religious my self but the stuff that was said there, really did make us change the way we saw stuff. We promised to not say what was spoken over there, cause what was said there, stays there. But Ill briefly talk about what changed with me. Growing up I never treated my brother, like an actual brother, and thinking back at it, he has always been there for me, but I can't say the same for him. There was times where he has taken the blame and punishments that I was responsible for, treated him a bit like shit, always distanced my self from my family members, I never gave him that trust with him. He is about a year and a half younger than me, and I regretted so much how I never acted like his older brother, someone he can can talk to if stuff was bothering him, someone he could trust. So what I ended up picking up there myself was to be grateful for having him there for me, even though I haven't before to him. I ended up promising to myself that I would trust him and I want to be there for him as well. Since I always been reserved, nobody in my family knew I was dating Guava. So I promised myself that once I go back, I will tell my brother everything, how the situation with our parent affected me, how I knew that he used go to sleep crying cause he hated seeing my parents like that and I never said or did anything. I also wanted to tell him about me and Guava. So the day finally comes, May 5th, the day we get to go back, when I saw the teacher I rushed to him as he was getting out his car and I didn't say hi or anything, I wanted my phone so badly so I can text to my baby nugget, cause it felt like almost 2 weeks with out her. So i'm turning on my phone expecting texts from her saying she missed me too. I open discord and I see " i already miss your voice in the morning", "i missed your voice at work", "and rn laying in my bed", " i cant sleep:( ", " i miss my baby nugget", " i need your voice to help me sleep" on May 3rd. Then on May 4th "weekend..", "and again, I miss you", " this is weird", "I really miss you and it hurts", "it randomly just happens and I go “aw I miss my baby nugget” and almost cry ". And this is when it really hurt, in the afternoon that day, she started saying " honestly fuk you for making me fall for you ", " I bet you haven’t even thought about me these 2-3 days ", " and im over here missing you like crazy ", " its stupid ", " i guess you’re gonna be back tomorrow right? ", " I told you it was probably gonna end it:( ", " ew I just realised I’ve been spamming you with “updates” ", " goodbye baby nugget ", " i mean eduardo " (thats my real name btw), " welp i can’t sleep ", " i mean you said 3 days, today is basically the 3rd, i guess you’ll be home tomorrow then ", " i wonder if something happened ", " i hope you’re having fun ". May 5th, earlier in the day when I still didn't have my phone, " i have 4 theories ", " 1. you aren’t back yet, so you’re still at the camp ", " 2. I was right and it ends here ", " 3. you lost your phone and your dad didn’t give your laptop back ", " 4. something (bad) happened to you ", " number 4 is bad and im hoping that’s not it, please rather number 2 than 4 ", " i have my first exam tomorrow, I’d hoped you’d be back in time to wish me good luck ". I got my phone back later in the day and responded with "I LOVE YOU" and then told her that they took my phone for those days, and that of course I was thinking of her all the time. I told her that I missed her so much and also wished her luck on her test. My battery was at 2% by this time since its just been in a car or wherever he kept them for those days. She ends up responding with " fuck you " and I responded with " No, baby why ??? 1% btw ", " I LOVE YOU ". She texted back " I hate you ". Since I've never been in a relationship before or been close to anyone like that, I haven't ever felt this kind of pain before. But I was in a larger van with more people heading back home, all I wanted was to cry and hug her as I tell her that i'm sorry for not being able to to talk to her those days, it felt like I loss her. I wanted to cry so badly but there was others around so I held it in, and for those who hold in pain like that, you know how that tight feeling around your throat and that intense pressure around your head. I tried to go to sleep until we got back home, but I couldn't when we finally got back to our church, we went to the basement and there was most of our family members waiting for us. We sat at some tables in the front while they were were all in chairs facing us. Our Aux's (that is what the people that took us through everything, like teachers, but they also went through stuff like we did) they were standing on the side giving mini speeches on how going over there helped us each with different things. We also talked about how our experience was and the new friends that we got close to. But I was kinda shaking while I was talking, not because I was nervous, but because I remembered what Guava told me. Its now like 9pm and I charged my phone while I took a shower. I went back to my phone and texted her again that I love her and that i'm sorry for not having my phone those days. I went to the kitchen and started to take pictures of each page of that notebook and sent them to her. I told her that it wasn't even my fault that they took our phones and how I was feeling when I saw those texts. Next morning, May 6 Monday, she responds saying that she didn't mean it, and she read most of the pages, and she had to go take the exam. She also has religious parents and in their religion, she was starting Fasting that day too, which she told me that they were going to eat at 9:30pm and 3:15am their time. She also says " we need to talk.. ", " I thought a lot while you were away ". I come back from school and text her that i'm home, she doesn't respond, a couple min later I decide to call her, she doesn't pick up. I text her that ill be watching youtube till she calls back. Around an hour goes by and I decide to call again, no answer. Like 5 min later I text her by her real name, and then she responds with "what". Instantly I knew what was going on, but I acted like I didn't know, so I just told her that ill be on my laptop in a bit. She tells me again that she still wants to talk about something, I called her and she picked up this time. She ended up telling me that those days gave her time to think, and she said we were moving to fast, and she wanted to take it slow and take it back to before we were a thing. I didn't know what to say. I try to not sound upset, I just said, it was her decision if if she wanted to take things to before we were a thing, then fine. I left the call and went to take a shower. She texted me again at around 1am the next day telling me that she has her math exam and she is stressed. I tell her good luck on her test, and she replies with " thanks baby nugget " and then tells me to go to sleep. At this point i'm confused now, cause she made me feel "that way" the day before, saying she wanted to take it back before we were a thing. After she told me to go to sleep, I just say, Fine. About 10 min pass and she texts me back saying she forgot something at home, and I just say Oof. She says its a good thing that she lives 5 min away from her school, and I just start answering the same way I would text other "friends". She tells me that she ran and got it, I just say, great. Now she starts to ask "baby nugget, are you okay?" And i'm just so confused/stressed, but I tell her yeah, i'm good. Later on in the day, she asks me if I want to call. I was about to say no, but I ended up saying yeah. We talked again for a few hours and ended up agreeing on taking it slow, so I went back to being more reserved from her, act like there wasn't anything but an online friendship. Wednesday May 8th, instead of texting her, I decide to go to the server and talk to some random people again. Half an hour later I see that she is also joining channels, so I try to avoid her so its not awkward. Sometime later, she texted me that she sees me going around the server and that I haven't text her. I just tell her that someone was playing guitar and I was bored. We text just a little bit, and she ends up saying " we barely talk, it’s sad ", so i'm still confused and simply just asked her if she wants to call or not, she says maybe, so I say " im not gona rush anything u dont want, i talked to someone for help, and they told me to not rush u, but just wait". The person that I asked for help was that online friend named Mia. Guava ends up saying " just call me already " and so I did. She told me that even though she wants to take it slow, she doesn't want me going back to being reserved. We talked for a while until she fell asleep again. She woke up a few hours later, as I was about to go to sleep. I asked her if she knew that the new season for Lucifer finally came out, she said yeah, she knows, we both like watching that show. After like 10 min of talking, I told her that she should just go back to sleep because its 3am for her and she tells me, " baby nugget nO ". To be honest, at this point I kinda started to just feel frustrated because I felt like she was just playing around, saying she wants to take it slow, but then calling me, baby nugget constantly. After she told be that in a hour it will be 4am for her, and if she stays up for an hour, she would of still gotten enough sleep, again, I told her to just go back to sleep, and she says " can’t I just stay up and talk with you:(". I was like, I don't even know, does she want to get back or not. We talked for like 20 min, then I told her I was getting sleepy, so I was gona go sleep now. Next day, May 9, its a thursday, she texts me like at her time 7am to wake up, but im still sleeping so she just says " goodnight/good morning ", " bby nugget", " ttyl". We talked a bit more again when she came back from school, she told me that fuck taking it slow, that she loves me and was just sad that she felt that I left her for those days. And after some talking , I told her that I love her too, I made made myself distant because I wanted to respect her decision and if she wanted to leave, it wouldn't hurt as much because I would of already accepted the fact that we are no longer together. We watched Lucifer for a while, and then I had to go to a parent teacher conference with my dad. I left the call on my phone, I was happier, because we were together again, after I came back, I heard that she was sleeping, so I just texted her, good morning to whenever she sees this text. She woke up like half an hour later saying she fell asleep, I told yeah, "i know, keep sleeping bby nugget" and she said, " im tired, but I want you ". So we started to talking again just like before. Every time we called, if I felt sick or something, just hearing her voice made my day. May 11, she ended up confessing why she got distant the days after I came back, it was because she was mad at herself because of something she did while i was gone, she started to take to other people and one of those people she talked to, she got a bit close too. I told her that i'm not even mad, disappointed....a bit, but I was glad that she told me the truth, I wanted her to be honest with me. She started to cry a bit on the call, but I told her that I understand why she would of felt like that when I left her for those days cause I didn't have my phone. Like I said, when she stopped replying to my texts, I felt like I loss her too and it was only like 2 days that she wasn't responding like she used to, and for her, I left for 4 days with no texts at all during those days. While she was crying, she asked me why was I being so understanding, I said...Cause I love you 3000. I ended up telling up telling Guava who was the one helping me to try and get guava back when she was being distant. I didn't want to tell her earlier because she felt a bit jealous, but I made it clear to her that she is only a friend that helped me when I was younger. We promised to not keep secrets from one another, and at that point I think I felt the closest to her. On May 12, that is when we completed the 24 hour call we said we were gona do. These days she wasn't feeling well because of the fasting thing that she is doing, so going so long without eating made her feel sick. I kept telling to eat something because I didn't like when she felt sick, but she said she can't cause of fasting. I tried to make her feel better by telling her " I'm so lucky because... I have you, someone who acually cares about me and makes me happy. I'm smiling while I'm typing this. Even if it's only been about 2 months, Thank You for being there for me". I waited for her to wake up the next day and talk, she taught me how to say, "I love you" in danish, " jeg elsker dig". Meeting her made me feel the happiest I ever been in years. Whenever she woke up at 3:15am her time to eat, I used to help her wake up by quietly saying her name or just talking about the way she always made me feel, after she ate and came back, I always asked her what is it that she had to eat and then soft talk her to sleep again. I used to love it whenever she used to sometimes soft talk me to sleep, the ways she used to tell she wanted to cuddle with me and max. The type of food she wanted to teach me how to cook. On Wednesday 15, when we were on a call during her lunch period, she told me that they got a printer in their class now, so I gave her the idea that she should print out memes, and put them around the classroom, and she did, it was a spider-man meme, she ended up printing 5 of these and started to putt them up around her class. One of the things that she helped me with a bit was in school, cause I started to do some work while I was on a call with her in the mornings. She gave me a reason to wake up early everyday and since I was always in a good mood while being on a call with her, I decided to multi task a bit. So I thanked for that. Thursday comes and I just picked up some bluetooth earbuds that I ordered mainly because of I wanted to to talk to her when I wasn't at home with a good mic, my phone's aux input is a bit messed up and makes a static noise whenever wired earbuds moved, so I bought those bluetooth ones. That day I called her twice and she didn't pick up, but she was on the server talking to others so was like fine, she talking to some friends or something. She ended up calling me at 3am her time, so I asked her what happened because she didn't call or barley texted me that day. She said that she just didn't feel like it. I felt a bit sad but told my self, its fine, she was just busy and forgot. The next day we got on a call again, she didn't have school this friday, so we stayed on the call till I went to school, but she mainly just watched youtube instead of talking. I went to school and when I came back at 12am, told her I was back, gave her a little text once in a while cause she didn't respond till about 2 hours later, saying she was busy. Again...kinda felt sad cause I started to feel her being distant again, and I really didn't want to lose her. I started to feel sick, like really light headed and stomach ache, I told her how I felt sick, she asked if I was okay, I said not really. She called me for like 2 min and told me to drink some water, and call my dad if I kept feeling sick. Then she left the call again. She called back at around 5pm my time. Again i'm feeling her being distant because her time it was already 11pm, and we really didn't talk that day, just enough for her to tell me to soft talk her to sleep. I did soft talk her to sleep, but when I knew she was asleep for sure, I talked about how I was really feeling, that I was scared of losing her, the one person I have ever told them "I Love You. I texted her at my time She wakes up at like 8:20pm my time, she talks for a few min until she goes eat. She didn't call back or even let me know what she ate, like we always used too. So at like 3:40am my time, I sent her a text. She calls me back at around 4am my time, and says she had to go like around 6am my time, and again all she really just do was just watch youtube. Now im really worried if I did something that she doesn't want to text or talk to me for these last few days. She ends up coming back and we get on a call at 11am my time. Again she didn't want to watch Lucifer or talk like before, she just used to watch youtube videos and tell me to mute my self once in a while, cause she wanted to watch her ASMR videos. At around 2pm, I decided to take a nap because I didn't feel well again. She didn't even want to soft talk me to sleep. So I just slept. Woke up an hour later and my dad was going to take me to the clinic because I wasn't feeling well. I told her before that we were going to travel to mexico to see family members in particular my grandpa, since he may not be around next year due to age. So at 5pm, I let her know as soon I knew, the dates we were going to travel, but this time I was going to have my phone for sure. She said ok, and then went to sleep at like at 5:30pm my time. Since it was a Saturday, we were heading to my moms place. Later that day we talked again like around 7pm for a while, since max and my little cousin we playing together I had the camera on. This is when she actually talked to me in a while, instead of just watching youtube. She ended up sleeping on the call and woke up at 10:30pm, she fell asleep again and she woke up at 2am my time, over there it was already 8am. This time I fell asleep to her voice, I wake up at 6am and see her text that says " my baby it’s so cute I can hear you breathing in your sleep ", " I just wanna hug you and cuddle you " I replied with "Aw", " I love you 3000", " That wut u said earlier was so adorable, I was awake when u was laughing, and was smiling. You just warm me up with the smallest things you do, I love you 3000!" by text cause my mom was sleeping still. It kinda made me forget how she was being distant that last few days. We texted for a bit when I got out of church class at 1:30pm . I called her when it was like 3pm, I saw that she was talking to others again, so I just let her know that i'm with Max. She responded at 3:50pm saying she had dessert, I asked if she wanted to call, she said in a bit, she didn't call, she responded with a text at 8:30pm. Again i'm noticing that she just doesn't want to talk, and I guess I already knew that she has/is losing interest. At 9pm my time she tells me if I wana call? And I already had a feeling that I knew it was time she was going to say what I've feared from the start. For the past week that I felt her changing, I always asked her, what wrong? Did I do something? If there is something she wanted to talk about, just say it, she would just keep saying that nothing is wrong, and I alked her, why is she talking to me less, she said, its normal don't worry about it. By this time, for the past two days, I asked for help about this to 3 other people, one of them was Mia. She told me that obviously it was't normal, maybe she was having other issues which she couldn't rely on my help for, she told me to just give her some time. Guava kept saying nothing is wrong, but before she went to sleep, one of the last things she said was, there is something she wants to talk about. I knew it was time...but she said that she was going to tell me the next day instead. I woke up at 12 like usual to tell her good morning, instead of her texting at least for a bit, she just said go back to sleep. At this point i'm just sad because I know there a 90% I already loss her. But still had that little bit of hope that it wasn't what I was thinking. Hoping it was something else...I could even sleep that day and stayed up waiting till 5am, for our usual call during her lunch break...she didn't text or call at all. There was no text no nothing till when she called me at 4:28pm. She told me exactly what I was scared of, she said that she wanted someone who she can actually cuddle with rn, someone who wasn't in a different time zone, someone who isn't on the other side of the earth. All this time that we have been talking and said that distance/time zones matters close to nothing when that someone means everything. I just had one question, "Did you ever mean it when you said "I love you"....She said "probably" I left the call. She later asked me an hour later if I was okay only cause Mia was talking to her because she was trying to help and she asked Guava if I was okay. I texted her 2 hours later " dont worry about it". Deep down I wanted to tell her nO! im not okay, my eyes feel like they burn every time I blinked cause of all the tears, that I felt like my chest was being crushed and I couldn't breath, it feels like I have been dumped in boiling water of how hot I started feeling, how my whole body feels numb, that I was sorry for anything I did that lead her to this choice, and most importantly that I love her, I don't want to leave me. She taught me how it feels to be loved and also how love can hurt as well. Its currently Tuesday 21st, 10:24pm and I haven't talked to her since yesterday at 8:32, my last message being, "Don't worry about it". She has told me before that if this just didn't work out for some reason, that we could still be friends. I said sure, but now looking back at this all, I gave all of my trust to her, and she started to talk to someone else, I forgave her for what she did when I was gone for a few days, saying I didn't want to just argue and just leave, that I wanted to fix whatever issue that would come. I....I trusted her again and she gave me false hopes. Fuked up how she wanted to be back together after I forgave her for what she did, just so she can tell me that she wasn't even sure she meant it when she used to tell me "I love you", and this wasn't even a month later, this was just 9 days after she said she didn't want to take it slow anymore, that she "loved me". Currently its now 10:41pm. I started to type this hoping it would help, seeing it from a third person view. Now I can see that our relationship wasn't really working out, I was putting her over everything else, school, my heath, my time, and even potentially moving back with my mom because of the fact that I chose to live with my dad, but since I've been skipping school, and failing classes because I wouldn't even show up since I was at home, talking to Guava. I changed my whole sleeping schedule so I could give her the most time I could. If I was accused of lying about something during our relationship, I would say, yeah I lied to Guava about something, the fact that I used to tell her not to worry about my sleeping schedule, I use to tell her that I was sleeping great to not worry, but nope, I would get about only 4 hours of sleep for the past month and a half, and that some of the days I was home from school earlier was because of tests, and we got to leave early. I changed so much, not "because of her", but "for her," but looking back at it, there wasn't much she did to try and make it work for my time zone. If you do ever read this, i'm NOT trying to say that I changed my life for the worse because of you, I just want to show you how much I cared about you, what you made me feel for you those first days we met was something real and after time, I really wanted you to be "the one"

I remember that when I first started typing this yesterday, I was feeling depressed, sad, confused. But surprisingly It has made me feel better. If she does ever want to be to be together again but this time, seriously , I wouldn't say no right away, because I would be lying if I said that I don't start felling sad at random times and that I don't miss her even though its only been a bit over 27 hours, but I would tell her to first to earn my trust again and just be friends while we are online for now, Once we are sure that we meet IRL then I will gladly move to the next step.

I love you 3000 baby nugget

[sunnycityshadypeople]

Defining Heartbreak: The Friendzone

I felt like writing and I guess could be a place to put it as it’s my only social media account where I have a bit more anonymity.    I feel hung over as fuck today, but noticed when I was articulating some deeper thoughts with someone that instantly felt better - so here goes with a story not of woe is me, but of the discovery I made about myself  Unrequited love over the years has reared it’s head a couple times.    In my early twenties, a guy I met online on Gaydar (is that site still a thing) - became a friend. I was actually his first gay friend and we hung out a lot.  We both went ot the same university and had one class that we both had in common - despite studying different degrees.   I thought he was super cute, intelligent and a catch - he had a certain confident swagger about him. Nothing sexual ever happened between us.   He then went overseas to live in France for a year - studying at the same university that the recently departed Kofi Annan.   Fast forward a year and over that time of missing him, I realised I had feelings for him and the cliche of distance only making the heart grow fonder certainly rung true.   When he finally returned to Australia, I was so happy to see him and a bunch of us hit the town together. A friend brought his rather cute pal along and joined me and my crush on a night out.   As it turns out, my friend’s cute pal ended up hooking up with my crush.  In a tree. IN A FUCKING TREE.  

I was crushed.      Like *spoiler alert* Captain America watching his best mate Bucky die or Tony Stark seeing a fading spiderman begging him not to go.   Yeah I was in my early 20s but it was defining moment of heartbreak. 

I dont remember how long after but I was moping around at my brother’s place and my sister was there.  She saw me dejected and withdrawn, asking me ‘what’s wrong?’ - I left out the front door and sat on the balcony and ugly cried.   And not the ugly crying I did when KFC stopped selling hot and spicy chicken, this was far far worse.  And a defining moment of heartbreak.  Sidebar:  I’ve always been a bit of a philosphical existentialist - mainly due to the the movie ‘The Matrix’.  The nature of reality fascinates me.    When I was 18, the philosphical book ‘The Celestine Prophecy’ came into my life... I actually ‘found’ the book on the street (I kid you not!) and it changed my life and the way I think abnd that’s where the true existentialist in me had an awakening. anyways. I’ve always been an introspective soul -- something perhaps most people I know don’t realise.  The cyclic nature of life (ok picture me holding my laptop up ala the Lion King pose as we sing the Circle of Life) - means that sometimes it feels like things repeat themselves.  I sometimes forget about the lessons that we need to learn and of course it came from another defining moment of heartbreak - this time in my mid 30′s.  I’d started chatting to this guy on a dating app mid 2016.    I thought he was super cute, intelligent and a catch - he had a certain confident swagger about him.   Feeling a sense of De ja vu?  No,it’s not a glitch in the matrix.    I tend to have a long lead time before I meet anyone online (I’m sure there’s a basis of fear of rejection in there but really are you that surprise after hearing that fucking sob story before!?) Anyways, we ran into each other at the gym and that was the first time we met.  We hung out a few times, and certainly these felt like dates.  We had a lot in common (and a lot in difference too), laughed alot and he was probably the first guy in a long time I met whose personality I loved.    He was witty at time cutting, his text game was super strong - but I’d usually own him face to face.   We’d spend our days jibing at each other trying to insult each other with memes (because Memes are life, right!?).  One time I was chatting to him via text -  describing a guy I used to like and how this dude and I had a lot common, was super nice... he replied to me ‘Kinda like us really?’  AND WHOA hold up this could be a romantasiced re-telling of my overthinking interpretation of a message - but that was sliding doors moment that would lead me to my next defining heartbreak.     I should have taken the bait.  But I was scared.  My absolute fear of rejection was scared to just tell this dude I like him - even if I was misconstrued in that message.    I do prefer voice messages over text because tone is a hard mother fucker to judge - thank god for emojis and ifs but still - just press that record button on whatsapp (He didnt’ like voice messages as he thought they were lazy) whereas I like to really convey my meaning.

Unless that meaning is ‘cue Madonna’ “IM CRAAAAZY FOR YOU TOUCH ME ONCE and you’ll know it’s truuuuue I never wanted anyone like this it’s all brand new... you’ll feel it in my kiss, you’ll feel it in my touch because I’m crazy for you - touch me once and you’ll know its’ true’

Anyways sorry about that Australian Idol gone Karaoke wrong moment. If you’ve fallen asleep reading this, you can thank me for the cure to insomnia later.  Ok, cut to the chase Jimbo - fast forward a year and half of being friends with someone you secretly love.  I use the term’ secretly’ loosely - because OMG was I just coming across as the love sick despo girl - random presents in his mailbox, being the nicest most supportive, generous friend - because hey, maybe he’ll come around if I kill him with kindness.  There’s an excellent article on being in the friendzone you should read by the way - I’ll talk about that later. I’m not going to go into details out of respect for this guy, but I knew inherently and the truth of the matter was no matter what I did or who I was - he was still on his Rupaul ‘can’t love nobody unless you love yourself’ journey.   So the harsh reality, and the ‘hes just not that into you’ vibes as espoused by Oprah back in the day meant this defining heartbreak was a bit different to the first.   I knew it was too far into the friendzone (never say never, but yeah let’s be real).. if it’s in the friendzone, they have to give you something that’ll finally get you into the endzone.  Anyways, I’d do anything for this guy.  Despite actually rationally speaking he didn’t tick some major core values for me.  It’s funny how attraction works.   A close friend who is a counsellor told me about ‘attachment styles’ (look it up, I wont digress more than I already have) - but essentially I was a major victim (of my own doing, because people don’t cause us to feel - we cause us to feel - think about that for a sec).. I was a major victim of treat em mean keep em keen. And I kept coming back for more.   I even tried weening myself off him by disengaging and that was great, but then we re-engaged. His was of re-engaging was sending me a message that said ‘Welfare Check’.  If it was me, I’d be like ‘Hey dude, I miss you! whats up!?’  The last time we saw each other was almost 2 months ago - nothing dramatic went down, but after not seeing the guy for a few weeks - he could only afford me about 40 minutes of his time.    It was a pleasant catch up but neither of us have communicated since.   He’s stubborn and I’m stubborn too.  But ulimately, it’s not healthy for me to love someone who doesn’t know what to do with my love.   And I look back at my own behaviour and do a major eyeroll because I really should save that stuff for someone who likes me back. That article I mentioned above - which I’ll post the link to - had a very simple suggestion and rule to avoid unrequited love and being in the friendzone. Only like somone who likes you back. OH MY FUCKING GOD REGINA YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME THAT A YEAR AND A HALF AGO! Anyways, I’ve had some amazing dates and met a couple awesome guys (there’s still a them of them not living in the same city as me but hey I can deal with that for the moment). I have a lot of love in my life and the love I give  is welcomed and I’m not feeling like I’m being treated as an afterthought.  I emphasis ‘feeling’ because the truth is, I may not be an afterthought to him.   But actions do speak louder than words, and his inaction has spoken to me.   That’s cool.   My love will always be there.   But in defining heartbreak, I defined myself and thank you for reading this I’d like to thank the academy and you for being you. You are loved. 

[wanna1things]

Kindergarten Teacher!Hwang Minhyun

because minhyun with kids is all i have ever needed in my whole entire life

Genre;; if kindergarten teacher is an au, this is it... also super fluffy

Warnings;; NONE unless you hate kids and minhyun

Pairing;; Hwang Minhyun x reader

Requested;; no... i wrote this last year lmao

Summary;; Hwang Minhyun is the perfect kindergarten teacher; he can sing, play piano and he’s amazing with kids. He’s also amazing at stealing your heart...

Style;; bullet point

Word Count; 1691

I wrote this last year around the time when Canvas was released and i realised its super cute and i’ve never seen an AU like this so while im in this busy period i might as well post it!! also yeah its time for me to actually post something about my ult lmao

minhyun works at the kindergarten that your niece goes to

of course he’s her teacher lol

but no really all of the kids love him because he’s always so funny and he’s the best singer??

every day they have half an hour where he plays piano for the kids and sings children’s songs with them and it’s so cute all the kids aspire to be in minhyun’s class lmao your niece got lucky

the headteacher doesn’t even get mad when he forgets to teach them proper songs and instead teaches them the theme tunes to tv shows sdhfgsd

‘go go power rangers’ yes minhyun sing it

they hold recitals/showcases every 2 months that showcase the kids singing i mean they’re not the best singers but it’s cute for the parents

and of course every time minhyun plays the piano for them

and every time minhyun’s class is the best in sync and they always get a standing ovation

and they always sing a tv show theme song hsdgfjs bless

when your brother has a job come up in japan for 2 months he leaves your niece in your care

lmao good luck with this hyperactive child

but no she’s wonderful

so... now you have to drop her to that kindergarten class

it’s not like you didn’t know who minhyun was i mean everyone knew

and you’d been to the recitals so many times because well… a) you love your niece and b) christ that mr hwang guy has a VOICE and he’s BEAUTIFUL

the first time you drop your niece off minhyun is so confused

‘excuse me,, you don’t look like y/n/n’s parents… who are u’

takes you a second to process what he says because lmao close up he’s like 20x better looking

‘ahh;; im y/n;; she’s my niece;; im looking after her for 2 months while her dad’s in japan for work’

‘oh okay!! thanks for dropping her off, y/n!! in case you didn’t know i’m mr hwang but you can call me minhyun!! i’ll see you here at three~’

LISTEN after that you had to go catch your breath outside OH MY GOd you spoke to the guy you’ve secretly been crushing on since your niece entered kindergarten lmao

when its pick up time you decide to get there a bit early

and you manage to turn up exactLY WHEN HE’S DOING THE SINGING CLASS

and as you’re waiting in the hall for the class to finish you hear minhyun singing the theme song for this really popular kids show and you really can’t help but laugh

like a voice that nice singing a kids tv show theme is kinda funny because it’s so unexpected sjfhdh

the bell goes and it pulls you out of your daydreaming about mr hwang

and as you wait for your niece to come out someone taps you on the shoulder

uh minhyun’s back

‘hey , y/n!! I saw you got back here early today!! I was wondering if you’re always here this early you can come and sit in the music lessons!!’

OH

‘yeah, sure!! i’ll come and watch every day then thank you!!!’

he just smiles that cute smile (that STILL REMINDS ME OF MY TORTOISE)

‘i could hear you laughing from inside’

UM OOPS

you can honestly feel the blush on your cheeks as minhyun waves and disappears back into the room like wow okay your cheeks are bURNING

and your niece runs out with her bag in her hands and basically drags you out of the kindergarten tbh you’re still completely in shock

from that day onwards you’re a regular at the music class

at first some of the kids are like ?? why are you here?? but once your niece explains they accept you like a second teacher

after about a week minhyun recruits you to play an instrument

at first he tries getting you to play piano with him but that’s a bit too crowded there’s only one piano stool

so uh welcome resident triangle player

it’s an easy job but you’re not going to complain i mean

playing tv theme songs with minhyun is surprisingly fun and really it’s the highlight of your day

one day after you had a particularly rough day;; you got stuck in the barriers at the train station and your scarf went missing

minhyun noticed and let you sit in the special chair in the corner of the room that looked a bit like a throne to play triangle

instead of having to stand up or sit in one of the kiddy chairs

by this time you’re about three weeks into the 2 months

and it was time to start preparing for the showcase which your brother was returning from japan to see

one day he asks you to stay a bit later to help him pick out a song

and of course you agree

you let your niece go to the corner to play with the toys while you and minhyun chat and discuss the ideas

while you two are brainstorming what song to do, he suddenly puts his hand on your shoulder lmao you got a bit shook

‘hey,, y/n… can you perform on stage with me at this recital?? i’d really like it if you could!!!’

who are you to deny this beautiful angel this request

‘of course i’ll play with you!! it’s only the triangle though i’m not sure how supportive that will be lol’

he hugs you suddenly and it’s like hEARTBEAT SPEED X100000000000

but you can feel his heart is racing too like aw okay bless

you know

about a week later the kids start teasing you and minhyun shfdhs sneaky assholes

‘mr hwang!! are you and y/n married??’

literally that question or a variation of it every 0.5 seconds

and you two lovebirds are blushing because you both obviously like each other but you’re kinda blind and don’t want to say anything uhh

he just flashes his eye smile and winks at the kids not even denying it

that is until one friday minhyun asks you to stay behind again

and right as you’re waiting for the kids to go out one of the parents approaches you and is like

‘hey!! my son told me you and minhyun are married!! congratulations on scoring the guy all the parents here are secretly swooning over lol’

and you blush a lot bc omg no we’re not married not even dating

you just mumble a thank you and go back to waiting for them all to leave

when they’re all done leaving minhyun asks your niece to step out of the room for a second

and so she does wow obedient child

minhyun suddenly takes ahold of your hand and he breathes in and out like really deeply bless nervous boy

‘uh;; y/n;; i really like you?? and i want us to date?? but if you don’t that’s okay??’

WHAT

you don’t even need to think you already know your answer

‘of course i want to date you omg???????????’

he hugs you really really tight and you can hear him breathe a sigh of relief bless

‘let’s not tell the kids though,, i think we should reveal it to them at the showcase’

CUE ONE MONTH OF TRYING TO HIDE YOUR RELATIONSHIP

kids are super perceptive but obviously because you two keep denying it they drop it well kinda

they just say it a bit less often lol

when it gets to the day of the recital/showcase thing

you two are planning your big reveal at his apartment while your niece is at her parents seeing as they’re back from japan now lol

and you’re helping minhyun change into his suit ready to leave

and sjfgshgfj omg he looks so good in a suIT YOU’RE ALMOST DYING

you were just going to wear jeans and a tshirt to play triangle but minhyun passes you a box and inside is like a really smart outfit that he picked himself and it looks really expensive lmao how did this kindergarten teacher afford this

but you go and get changed

and uhh cliche minhyun is just;; shooketh

you look so good he can’t resist kissing you UH

but no time to waste you gotta goooo to the recital

minhyun starts on stage but as always his class is last

and when it’s their turn you’re backstage with them cheering them on when your niece turns to you and says

‘hey are you sure you and minhyun aren’t in love’

you just wink at her and boom time to go onstage

THE SONG GOES DOWN SO WELL though it’s amazing

you spot your brother in the audience and send him a wave in the gap in your triangle playing

the song ends and minhyun does the thing where you tap the microphone

‘hello everyone i have an announcement to make’

the hall is just completely silent like boy better not be resigning

of course he’s not he loves the kids too much

‘the school has a new permanent triangle player!! they’re y/n and we are in love!!’

ALL the kids suddenly cheer and you can hear about 20 of them just saying ‘i knew it i bet on it you owe me $3 pay up’ I’M KIDDING

then minhyun does the cheesiest thing

yea he kisses you in front of everyone

when you look back over at you brother he is just clapping wildly and giving you a thumbs up wow brothers approval

BUT ANYWAY

from that day on you two are the cutest couple

you’re officially the triangle player for the whole kindergarten

i mean the kindergarten doesn't pay you but they should by now because you’re there literally 24/7

you move in with minhyun and you spend 90% of the day together but it's cute

when your niece comes to stay it's always so cute because

you 3 crowd around his electric piano and sing songs together (there's no triangle for you to play here sorry)

and those moments really make you look forward to your future together...

uh yeah this is cute and i love minhyun sm im going to die anyway its really late so !! good night && i hope you enjoyed;;

[lucretiars]

David Berman: Honoring the Collective Void

In today’s world, through any medium you can write a eulogy. That is the magic of language; no matter the vehicle, if something is meaningful, there is no denying its impact. This is the way I felt when I read musician Kevin Morby’s Instagram post eulogizing the late great David Berman, former poet and songwriter of the Silver Jews and Purple Mountains. Morby writes, “David Berman one-liners are like verbal baseball cards. When you find yourself in the company of other Silver Jews fans you all wanna show off your favorite one. He’s been one of my secret handshakes over the past 16 years since discovering his work.” That same magic of language is something that Berman himself was a master of. A Berman-ism is at the same time instantly recognizable yet fascinatingly inventive. A completely refreshing way of seeing something we all internally experience. A deeply universal and profound observation of life disguised colloquial punch-line. No matter the channel, his fluidity, cleverness, and insight using words could forge some new association to a thought or a feeling that you thought was so deeply internal that is wasn’t able to be conveyed tangibly. In Berman’s absence, his words remain and waver potently through my headphones in my ears and on the page I graze my fingers across. And I think, is there a difference between the power of lyrics and the written word? As celebrated for his poetry as he was for his songwriting, Silver Jews was the initial and primary vehicle for Berman’s writing until his first and only book of poetry, Actual Air, was published by Open City Books in July 1999. After a decade of silence post-Silver Jews, Berman’s newest musical project, Purple Mountains, published an album just 3 months prior to his death in 2019. In his music, Berman’s distinctive baritone growling voice serves as an amplifier to his words etched against the background of melody. In his poetry, his words contain the ability to extend his experimental language further than the limits of a song. Through both channels, the writer is veiled behind the guise of the “speaker” or the “singer”. Both create worlds open to interpretation by the masses. Both can hold facets of yourself and both can be crafted with lies, dreams, and fiction. Born in 1991 wading between the grouped identifications of “post-Generation X” and “Millennial”, I was a guinea pig to the internet beginning at a fairly young age. I grew up online late enough that I didn’t have social media or a cell phone until high school, but early enough that I learned and adapted to the strange solace of screaming out into a collective void. I grew up in the emergence of the digital age early enough that when I hear a specific song, I still anticipate the opening chords of the next one on the album because I’d spun the CD over and over, but late enough that I only listened to music on tapes and vinyl for the experience of it, not the necessity. The Warehouse (a CD palace) was my church, and on some Sundays my mom would let me pick one out that I would later on be able to play on my very own boombox, sprawled on the carpet buried deep in the liner notes reading along the lyrics as they played. Words always meant something to me, and I found poetry in everything: in the comment section on songmeanings.com where anonymous users professed their love for a lost memory that the song was associated with, the comments section on Youtube videos where folks anonymously bonded over the gravity this music video had on their life, and the sprawling cacophony of chat rooms and IM exchanges expressing the mundane yet somewhat magical musings littered with typos and faces made with colons and parenthesis. The internet was there for you when nobody else was. It was a conduit to transform some sort of thought you had inside into words on a screen. Words that everybody else could read. When Berman died, that collective void of the internet erupted. Fans of Silver Jews and Actual Air alike joined forces shared their own Berman-isms on social media accounts, blogs, comments on Youtube videos, Reddit posts, etc. I had always heard that along with being a lyricist, Berman was a poet and had his own collection, and after finding myself beckoned through the screen of my laptop and immersed in the world of Berman’s words, I needed to get my hands on it. Amazon was selling books for $200 a pop. eBay was even more. And Drag City, the record label that produced the book, was sold out. On their website there was a button to select to put your name in for an order when they become available again, and though I was doubtful it would even work, I pressed it. Five months later, living in the same city that Drag City operates out of, the same city that Berman last occupied before he died, I receive notice that my book is on its way. Given my taste for always trying to find some meaningful intimacy in the written word, I held this email I received quite close to my heart. Hey there, loyal Drag City customer web 134064-5, We've actually lived up to our end of the bargain – your order has shipped! Keep in mind that all orders are shipped via USPS First Class or Media Mail, depending on weight, so they may take a few days to arrive and there's no tracking number. In our know-everything digital age, isn't it nice to get a surprise in the mail every once in a while? We think so and hope you'll agree. There was something about the candor and sweetness this message held that enveloped me in a wistful appreciation for my love of words and the power they convey. If I can find beauty in this 2-sentence email that was probably just mass-texted to hundreds of people, sandwiched between spam advertisements and bill notifications, I had the dawning realization that no matter the medium, language is hugely influential and the act of crafting it to deliver a feeling that once only lived inside is the raw and subtle beauty of existence. The difference between lyrics and poems is that through poetry, language is the instrument. In music, the words reverberate against a background of sound. Which is more vulnerable? Which is more exposed? Why did David Berman choose to publish the words he wrote on paper and the words he recorded through song? How do we compare the literary resonance between lyricism and poetry? No matter the vehicle, Berman was equally revered for both forms of work, who honored the righteousness of personal experience and was not afraid to expose despair and honesty through art. Through my dive into Berman’s work, I was thrilled to find hidden connections, especially ones that I couldn’t determine if they were purposeful or not. One particularly “deep-cut connection” I found was through the openings of Silver Jews albums The Natural Bridge and Purple Mountains: a slow, almost apprehensive “Well, I….” And “No, I….” (respectively). These articles prefacing the personal claims Berman gets ready to confess next almost serve to give both us and him a moment to prepare. The Natural Bridge kicks off with “How To Rent a Room”, a rumination on death, loss, and coping, and Berman conveys both unease and accepted reflection in “No I don't really want to die./I only want to die in your eyes.” Purple Mountains kicks off with “That’s Just the Way That I Feel”, a circular repetition of apathetic pleading. Berman sings in an almost comedic honesty, “Well, I don't like talkin' to myself./But someone's gotta say it, hell./I mean, things have not been going well./This time I think I finally fucked myself.” In addition to their trepidatious starts, another common aspect of the songs is the juxtaposition of a joyful, energetic melody and dark, pensive lyrics. Berman creates a tune so hypnotically catchy through the verses (including one of the most clever feats of wordplay I might have ever heard with “I've been forced to watch my foes enjoy ceaseless feasts of schadenfreude”) and slows us down in the hypnotic carousel of insatiability in the chorus, merely repeating: “The end of all wanting is all I’ve been wanting.” The want. How unbearable is it to want? We wake and we want, we rest and we want. We are overflowing with want. In addition to this voraciousness, another powerful aspect of “That’s Just The Way That I Feel” is the fact that these lyrics were the first words Berman gave us after a decade of silence. He illustrates his triumphant return of joyful self-hatred, quintessential honesty, self deprecation, and the confident lack of hope. Not everything has a happy ending. In a particularly notable YouTube video of one of the Silver Jews’ last shows, they jam through a standout song “Black and Brown Shoes” from the album, The Natural Bridge—a fan favorite that includes the palpable and dreamlike depictions of the views around us (“a jaded skyline of car keys”, and “the water looks like jewelry when it's coming out the spout”). Towards the finality of the piece, Berman slows the band, places two hands around the neck of the microphone and instead of continuing with the melody in his voice he reads the next lyric as if it is in fact a piece of poetry: “When I go downtown, I always wear a corduroy suit./Cause it's made of a hundred gutters that the rain can run right through.” After these words are spoken, the melody gradually begins to emerge once again, as Berman drawls the next and final lines in song. The break of song to highlight this almost absurd yet striking musing lets the audience absorb the gravity of the words. In “Pretty Eyes”, an introspective ballad that closes The Natural Bridge, a gentle guitar strums against the concluding verses: “I believe that stars are the headlights of angels/Driving from heaven to save us, to save us/Look in the sky/They're driving from heaven into our eyes/And final words are so hard to devise/I promise that I'll always remember your pretty eyes/Your pretty eyes.” Through an observation alluding to death, Berman illuminates the beauty in physical tangibility against the beauty in imagined personification. Heaven, a beacon of hope is observed against the permanence of memory in the subject’s eyes. Even if everything is lost and through the most delicate nature of fleeting time, that memory will remain. After Berman mutters the final line in “Pretty Eyes”, there is 43 seconds of gentle guitar strumming, almost allowing the listener to reflect on this closing observation. This instrumental decrescendo moans like a lullaby. This purposeful pocket of time in which no words are spoken almost acts as a space in which the listener can consciously do nothing. The song still holds us in its grasp, but we are given the opportunity to mediate on what’s been spoken through the absence of words. “Introduction II” begins the Silver Jews’ 1994 album Starlike Walker. Through slow and jagged guitar chords, Berman drones fragments of words and sentences almost inviting the listener into his psyche: “Hello, my friends/Hello, my friends/Come in, have a seat/Come on in my kitchen/My friends, take it easy”. After these drifting portions of thought, the music quiets and the final lines of the 1 minute song are sung in a juxtaposed conciseness: “Don’t you know that I never want this minute to end?/And then it ends.” This powerful reflection on the passing of time, introduced in such an intimate way, is a driving theme in many of Berman’s pieces. The poem “Classic Water”, which includes brief moments of anaphora and reminds me of Joe Brainard’s “I Remember”, reflects on the past in order to somehow solidify a lost memory into a tangibility. He writes, “I remember the night we camped out/And I heard her whisper, “Think of me as a place” from her sleeping bag/With the centaur print.” (Berman 4) Similarly in “Tableau Through Shattered Monocle”, after eight dense stanzas detailing a piece of architecture, the final line reverberates: “These words are meant to mark this day on earth.” (Berman 12) This remark serves to honor the virtue of personal experience—the power in documentation and creating a testimony of a life. Both convey this feeling of capturing the rawness of immediacy; the long-winded desire of marking a certain feeling or moment in a permanent way—making what has been lost somehow last. The final line of the poem “The Moon” acts as a portal through Berman’s process: “And the moon, I forgot to mention the moon.” (Berman 27) The lack of poetic intention in these words is apparent, yet the notion of needing to include that idea of the moon and the evident affect it had on the speaker further conveys the tenderness in capturing emotion and transitory feeling. There is power in observation and inspiration even in the mundane or ordinary. We cradle the things that we have experienced and use them as evidence that we have lived a meaningful life. In a similar notion of using writing as a vehicle to document and possibly further understand the world around us and how the past has influenced us, Berman’s work frequently reflects on the past versus the present, transcending time in order to unearth the absence or garnering of growth. In “Trains Across the Sea” on the Silver Jews’ Starlite Walker, Berman sings “Half-hours on earth/What are they worth?/I don’t know/In 27 years/I drunk 50000 beers/And they just wash within me/Like the sea into a pier.” Berman converses with himself, admitting a loss of the grasp of how time passes and using the organic image of something so cyclical in nature—the incessant serenity of crashing waves—to juxtapose against the perpetuation of habit. Tal Rosenberg remarks in The Fader about this stanza, “There’s the setup, the mechanical pleasure of routine beer drinking, and then the unexpected curve — the situation’s cinematic and symbolic equivalent, an image that beautifully corresponds to the same elegant manner of incremental decay.” In a similar notion of exposing honestly in the mundane and the contemplations of personal development through time, the poem “The Charm of 5:30” closes with the stanza: “In fact, I’ll bet you something./Somewhere in the future I am remembering today. I’ll bet you/I’m remembering how I walked into the park at five thirty,/My favorite time of day, and how I found two cold pitchers/Of just poured beer, sitting there on the bench./I am remembering how my friend Chip showed up/With a catcher’s mask hanging from his belt and how I said/great to see you, sit down, have a beer, how are you,/And how he turned to me with the sunset reflecting off his/Contacts and said, wonderful, how are you.” (Berman 44) In the perfected brevity of “Somewhere in the future I am remembering today” we succumb to the idea of our past selves, drifting in memory on loop in our heads—forever. Every splice of our lives is packaged into a pocket of our brains—and ranging from the absolute thrill to the dreadfully ordinary, the things that we experience serve to influence the way our present and future world is shaped. In addition to the contrast between the aural word and the written word, therein lies even a deeper contrast in experience through both of Berman’s mediums of work. The energetic connection through live performance and the detached, yet intimate connection through solitary listening. The act of presently hearing a reading performed without the ability to see the words on paper and the act of reading the work alone, able to analyze and study the words on paper. What is more significant? What hits you deeper? What experience feels more comfortable, and what experience feels more as if you’ve bore witness to something revelatory? In her article “Measuring the Immeasurable”, Sarah Rothenberg discusses the transformation of “active listening”, comparing the capacity of digesting music before and after the technologic revolution. Before recorded sound became a staple in our daily lives, she explains that music was only experienced two different ways: “One made it oneself or one was in a room where someone else was making it.” She goes on to illustrate an anecdote about a young music lover in the nineteenth century who hears of Beethoven’s newest symphony. After months of waiting, the piano reduction is received through mail, and she hastily stumbles through the piece, attempting to recreate whatever it is that Beethoven has just released to the world. Many months after that, she takes a four-hour journey into Vienna to hear the piece played by a professional orchestra for the first time. Rothenberg presses, “You do not know when, or if, you will hear this work again. How do you listen?” Berman held the capacity to create a realm of “active listening” whether the words were divulged live or not. The solitary experience and the collective experience were similarly an act of power. He reaches with a certain word or turn of phrase and it acts as a gentle tap on the shoulder, urging us to wake up! Look at the world around you! Wade in the reality of your life, because we are all experiencing it. The reverberation of his words by themselves are enough to create a resounding experience, but the haunting dynamic of this thought is the fact that Berman will not be able to perform live in front of us, ever again. His words ring, deafening, into the void forever. We know that we will never hear new work again. How do we listen? As Morby wrote on Instagram after his death, Berman’s words are a form of human connection. The collective celebrating of his work is a joyful and vulnerable experience, and that power of resonance, with anybody, about anything, is reverberating. Even sitting at my laptop last night as I put the final touches on this document, wishing I was a half-drunk hero on a barstool with a like-minded soul but instead, was I a half-drunk sap listening to the Silver Jews, I felt closer to these words I have been so obsessed with trying to understand over the past month. Berman paved the way for acceptance of the candid displeasure of the world; the honest beseeching of meaning; somewhere that the meandering search for identity can float without pressure to comfortably land. From his words, I’ve learned that that very discomfort of “not-understanding “can be the tarmac for our emotions. The process of coming to terms with the things that we witness and feel is just as important as the experiences themselves. As the man himself said, “final words are so hard to devise”. So with that, I salute a cheers to David Berman. Thank you for allowing the space to dismantle the fear of unknowing.

[hotcocosharing]

Second Chance Part 21 (IM RP)

Shunichiro Tachibana 

Waking up to the smell of bacon and eggs; to the touch of fingers running across my chest, to my collarbones then lastly my bottom lip. It’s been far too long since I’ve had either and I open my eyes to see Midori smiling face with everything sorted and ready. She glows in the early morning light, the sun catching her slight wet curls and setting them aflame like a halo. If last night’s been a mistake, it’s forgotten for now as we share a small smile right before she quickly gets ready and disappears.

There’s a meeting that’s planned for weeks which I can’t postpone so after taking as long as I could in the shower to try and give myself more time to clear my head before I return to the office. Redialing the cab company to come pick me up and rearrange a time to take me to the airport, I’m soon preoccupied by last night’s emails, approvals confirmation from the Olympics committee plus another “intimidating” invitation from the governor. Deliberately ignoring the last one as my ride arrives on time and my morning runs out before I know it.

I groan a bit as I lift my carry-on luggage into the overhead compartment, even in business class, the luggage compartment seems dreadfully small. Eventually, with a satisfying click, it snaps shut. I release a long sigh and flop onto a window seat, shutting my eyes while the rest of the passengers settle down around me.

Free, at last.

Surrounded by strangers with no Internet or any kind of disruptions, the thoughts I’ve been pushing out of my head all morning has now crawled its way back in, Midroi’s smile and words are now on replay-

“You know Shunichiro – I never expected to fall for you nine years ago but I’m sure glad I did.”

During the two hours flight, I begin to doubt my actions and behavior lately. For sealing a deal with the devil and almost risking the Olympic campaign, starting a relationship isn’t so cut and dry with a subordinate, and ruining whatever maybe left between an ex girlfriend. What is it that I’m trying to achieve? And at what cost? The timing couldn’t have been worse as I try to figure out my feelings for two entirely opposite women, but I need to settle this, I have to. For the three of us.

9 years ago

I was just browsing, killing time on a weekend as I stared at the shelves filled with classics and literature aimlessly until a title caught my attention. “Men Without Women”,  Across seven tales, Haruki Murakami brings his powers of observation to bear on the lives of men who, in their own ways, find themselves alone. At the age of twenty seven, women was never an issue or an priority but I was intrigued and picked it up to see a girl tip toeing the shelf that’s way too tall for her.

“Can I help you with something?” I asked, I didn’t believe in love at first sight but the flashes of brown hair and a shy smile had my mind blanked for a second. She wanted the book in my hand which nearly made me chuckle, why would a young girl like her wanted to read a series of short stories about men without women? For the first time in years, I wanted to know more about someone so I left my contact on the book, grinning at the thought that I no longer needed to read that book.

Present- 3 Days Later (Sunday)

There’s nothing feels like home- only mine is a house that’s forever empty with no one to welcome or talk to, I am alone and it hasn’t bothered me (in a long time). But today, I have never felt lonelier.  

The image of Midori humming around the stove as she makes breakfast, her dance moves would amuse me, and Sachi’s embarrassed face first thing in the morning that puts a smile across my face.

They make me weak.

If I were such a smart and cunning scoundrel, why do I feel so conflicted? Sachi hasn’t replied any of my text unless it’s work related, she’s avoiding me and can’t say I don’t know why.

I should have been fair, cutting ties with the governor and his daughter sooner, stopping the rumor before it’d start. It’s my fault for putting her through unnecessary pressure.

And Midori, we have been chit chatting for days without mentioning the other night. Talking like we used to, nothing too serious or out of the ordinary. I close my eyes, trying to block the recent events from the past weeks out of my mind but all I see is her face.

All I can picture are her smiles, her tears and the fear of her slipping away within my fingertips. My chest tighten with …. something that I’m unfamiliar with, some kind of regret or guilt that I would have to live with.

I have to make this right!

Pulling my phone out and quickly send an address and time as I hurry out the door.

“7pm, The Kitazawa Bookstore, 2-5 Kanda Jimbocho. See you there.”

The place where it all began, where I found the love of my life, where I met Midori Katayani.

Midori Katayani

Three bottles of red wine equates to approximately 12 large glasses – that’s how much alcohol I’ve needed over the last 3 days to stop myself from going insane about work related issues; let alone personal. When I first started my own business, the idea of being one’s own boss seemed easy – like a slice of cake; but geez, even 3 years in and I feel absolutely helpless sometimes when it comes to the little things which always seem out of my control. I’m about to walk down to the cellar and help myself to another bottle when a new member of staff asks for my help with a cocktail she’s not familiar with mixing – just as she asks, my phone starts vibrating in my pocket, a customer who’s had a little too much to drink starts a ruckus at the bar and the power cuts out for a moment leaving everyone stranded in the dark.

It’s unlike me, yet I hold my breath with uncertainty and ask myself the question I almost always do when bad luck seems to come in three – why me? Grabbing a torch from behind the bar, I’m quick to make it to the fuse box and switch the lights back on; there’s a relieved sigh that escapes from almost everyone’s lips when they’re brought back into familiar surroundings of what they know. Drinks continue being ordered – security deals with the ‘I’ve had a little too much to drink’ patron I’d rather not and I’m about to teach someone how to make a Kamikaze when my phone vibrates again – alerting me that I haven’t checked it.

“Right now? Really?”, I murmur quietly whilst grinding my teeth, pulling my phone out. The irritated expression I’m wearing though is quickly erased when I see who the message is from.

[7pm, The Kitazawa Bookstore, 2-5 Kanda Jimbocho. See you there.]

My heart skips a beat when memories instantly flood back into my mind as my eyes re-read over the text to make sure it’s real. Kitazawa – I haven’t been there in years. Didn’t even know the place was still open. Checking my watch to see that it’s already 6.30, I bite my lip and figure that because I didn’t drive into work today to be there by 7 I’d have to leave asap. As much as I hate doing this, I call over a shift supervisor which I know is more than capable of instructing new staff on work place procedures – I wouldn’t have promoted them to the role if I didn’t think otherwise – and apologise for needing to leave so quickly.

It’s a quick dash now to my office to lock up before I head straight for the subway. Ughhh, I haven’t caught a peakhour train in months and had forgotten about the not so comfortable carriage rides. Sardined up against a young school couple who keep talking about breaking their curfew in order to spend a little more time together between kisses and a businessman who smells of beer and soba, I grin and bare it every time I’m forced to shuffle and move. It’s 20 minutes of pure torture when compared to how comfortable a my car or taxi would have been but I don’t have time to waste. Checking my watch again, I notice that it’s just hit 7 – great… for once I’m going to be the one that’s late.

Finally free from the train ride of hell, I manage to scramble out of the station and wander over in a slight rush to where I vaguely remember being the Kitazawa bookstore. Groaning as I read a sign which points in the direction of upstairs, I huff and puff not bothering to waste time and look for an elevator – my watch reads 7.10pm and I mentally scold myself although there’s nothing I can do. Pulling my phone out, I begin punching in Shunichiro’s number as I wander the aisles and take in the simplicity of bound printed texts around me. There’s something calm about being here – something safe – as if all these books could keep my secrets and thoughts within them and if anyone were to read them, I’d still be safe. I don’t even get two dial tones in before I’m walking straight to M aisle in the fiction section which I at first don’t realise.

Funny how some habits don’t change.

Hanging up as I spot Shun and don’t give him time to answer, I walk over quietly – about to apologise when I notice he has something in his hands and I grow curious instantly.

Men Without Women. Mhmm.

“Hate to break it to you Shunichiro but I’ve already read that one.”

My voice is ever so clear as I greet him; hiding the fact that I just wore myself out and felt like I’d endured a marathon. Not planning on saying anything if it’s not pointed out – I avoid bringing up the fact that I’m late.

There’s a smirk which dances across Shun’s lips which as teenage-ish as it sounds – cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye – is definitely my vice. Actually no, I take that back; he’s my vice whether or not he chooses to be.

“Fancy seeing you here”, he breaks the ice with a push in conversation, sliding the book back up onto the shelf; as I watch this, it occurs to me that I’m still too short to reach the top shelf and a giggle escapes me.

“I didn’t realize you were back in town”, I point out, folding my arms across my chest before scratching inside my elbow, “You know – you could give a girl a little more of a heads up before you force her to abandon work and meet you in a bookstore of all places.”

“I didn’t have time”, he explains casually as I feel his eyes trace over me and he rubs the back of his neck shyly. Shun – shy? No he can’t be – I’m definitely imagining things. Perhaps it’s a good thing that I didn’t get to that next bottle of wine. “..and we won’t either if we stand around here talking all day.”

I scoff at the fact that he makes it sound like he’s been waiting a lifetime for me to arrive. Taking my hand and walking me down an aisle of books I wish will never end, I pull on his sleeve to slow him down, curious to know what he has in mind.

“Hold up – just where do you think we’re going?” “Dinner.” “Dinner?” “Mhmm – 7.30 at Gabiaru, you know if we keep talking Midori we’ll be late like someone I know.”

I could already taste the delicious flavour of curry bursting in my mouth at the mere mention of the restaurants name. Gabiaru wasn’t a far walk; actually, I remember meeting up with Shun at the bookstore once years ago because I wasn’t sure of where it was with my directional skills being less than perfect, not wanting to get lost before our first date.

Tugging at his sleeve again as we were just about to start walking, I could feel a blush crawl across my cheeks as I tried desperately not to smile like a lunatic.

“Is this.. are we – hang on just.. bare with me – wait…”, I manage to blubber out uncontrollably, if it’s what I think this is, I wish I was better dressed for the occasion, “..is this a date?”