#HEY i should probably make an ''off topic'' tag for stuff that is like... not directly related to selfshipping maybe LMAO

[dandyshucks]

okay last post before i decide on what im going to do for the next couple hours but old lady crafting club is tomorrow and i don't have a crochet project decided on yet still fsdjkl

my options for continuing on WIPs are: dragonscale dice bag, isopod amigurumi, or a little stuffed pokeball

or if i want to start a new project instead of completing a WIP: strawberry hat i'm going to make for a friend, hand warmers/fingerless gloves, polar bear amigurumi, and idk if i have yarn for these (definitely not enough for a the second) but i also would like to make a junebug beetle amigurumi and a hood/scarf/hat combo garment thing

[magicshopaholic]

Words Unsaid (Jungkook x OC)

Summary: Jungkook has something he wants to ask you, but the timing just never seems to sit right.

Pairing: Jungkook x OC

Genre: Fluff

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 7.3 K

Warnings: none

A/N: This took longer than expected to post (but a surprisingly short amount of time to write). Savour it, for the angst will be back in full force next fic :D Takes place a couple of weeks after Unfinished Business and can be read standalone.

Tagging: @bbl32 @ggukkieland @bangtannoonalvg @pb-n-juju @juciu @jeoncookie-bts @quarter-life-crisis2 @dreaming-with-happiness @meirkive  @faearchives @margopinkerton @sumzysworld @purpleseoul7 @kflixnet (italics cannot be tagged. If you want to be added to the taglist, drop a comment or ask)

Listen to: "thinking out loud" by ed sheeran

jungkook masterlist | main masterlist

The sun is near setting when lunch comes to a natural end. Namjoon places his credit card on the bill out of habit and, somewhat conscious that it’s not just the two of them here, Jungkook drops his on top of it.

“All good, kid.�� Namjoon good-naturedly flicks Jungkook’s credit card off the bill just before the waiter picks it up.

Feeling Lia’s eyes on him, vaguely amused, Jungkook feels his ears heat up and quickly pockets his credit card. “What’s your plan for the rest of the day?” he asks, desperate to change the topic.

“Not much.” He shrugs. “Probably pick up some stuff at this store we saw earlier today, then maybe a walk down the Han if it gets cooler…” He turns slightly as Kaya returns to her seat, fluffing out her hair a bit.

“Seoul has never been this warm, has it?” she remarks. “I’m glad I cut my hair before I came here.”

“It should rain soon,” answers Lia, in her accented English. While her grasp on the language hadn’t necessarily been a surprise to Jungkook, the way it sounded - and how much he liked it - definitely was. She hadn’t ever spoken much English around him, for there was never much of a need, but when Kaya visited and they’d finally met, Jungkook discovered he was obsessed with her English accent. It made her sound older, unattainable and - ironically – more Korean.

“Maybe it will,” says Namjoon, nodding and looking out the glass windows at the sunlight.

“Maybe it will while you’re walking down the Han river,” points out Jungkook. 

“Looking forward to it.”

“Oh, that reminds me - can we make a detour home before we head to the market?” Kaya asks him. “I need to pick up my power bank. My phone’s almost dead.”

Namjoon nods. “Sure. You guys need a ride?” he asks Jungkook and Lia.

“Oh -” They exchange a look, for they were dropped by a company car after Jungkook finished filming a promo. “Actually, yeah,” says Lia, nodding. “We also need to stop by, uh, Jungkook’s house for a minute. You’ll want to change, I guess?”

Jungkook nods mutely, his neck getting hot again. He avoids Namjoon’s eyes; the older member’s subtle questioning a couple of days ago, about how serious is this getting, had been one thing. That, coupled with the abrupt way he and Lia had stopped talking when Jungkook had returned from the men’s room earlier during lunch, made him uneasily conscious that something was still unsaid.

They head out of the restaurant, waiting until Namjoon’s car is brought out by the valet before ducking inside quickly, Kaya in the driver’s seat and Namjoon in the passenger seat next to her. Jungkook notices a few phones out in the open and pointed towards them as they drive away.

“See you tomorrow!” Lia waves at them as they drive away from the porch of Jungkook’s building in Hannam-dong, where his new penthouse sits tucked into the top floor. As the car disappears around a corner, both of them turn around and head inside together.

In the lift, Jungkook watches the numbers increase, his hands in his pockets and his bottom lip between his teeth. The words are there, somewhere, in moments at the tip of his tongue and in others, so far away that they may as well be someone else’s.

“Hey.”

He’s jerked out of his reverie. “Yeah.”

Lia is looking at him, frowning slightly. “Everything okay? You’ve barely said two words since we left.”

“I’m fine,” he answers as the lift stops and they step out, the doors opening right in front of his apartment. “I just, uh…” He pats his pockets and pauses. “... forgot my keys. I think. Shit.”

“Don’t worry about it,” she mutters easily, reaching into her small sling bag for her own keyring and selecting the shiniest one. “This is when it helps to have a spare set with someone else,” she points out.

Jungkook nods sheepishly and steps aside so she can unlock the door to his home. “Actually, Lia…” He takes a deep breath as Namjoon’s face swims to the forefront of his mind, the familiar raised eyebrow and chin tilted upward that, irritatingly knowing but unwilling to give him the answer. No, he would want Jungkook to come up with the answer himself. 

He clears his throat as Lia pauses. “Yeah?”

“Um, I was wondering -” He shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans. Just say it. Say it. He makes the mistake of glancing at her again, her raised eyebrows and - to his slight anxiety - hopeful expression.

Shit.

“Would you, um… do you think you would you like to…” 

Come on now, Jungkook, Namjoon would say sternly. Say it already.

“... try a beef bulgogi tonight? I know we usually do pizza on Sunday nights but I saw this recipe online and I really wanted to try it. Plus, we won’t even have to shop - we have that fillet in the freezer so part of the work is really already done, if you think about it…”

He’s rambling, he knows, but it’s only to try and distract himself from the annoyance at himself as well as the brief but clear disappointment in her expression. Her shoulders fall slightly and she bites her lip, turning back to the door and pushing it open halfway.

“Beef bulgogi sounds great,” she says finally, looking up at him after a moment’s hesitation, and giving him a small smile. “Thanks.”

He follows her inside, still deflated. Lia goes straight to the fridge for a bottle of cold water while he heads into his room, shedding his t-shirt on the way. Turning on the bathroom light, he grabs his facewash from the wall-mounted shelf, half-stocked with haircare products, face scrubs, masks, serums and a tub of scrunchies and claw clips. A Dior perfume he’d gifted her earlier this year was also there next to his own Calvin Klein cologne. 

Realising he’s been staring at her belongings for over a minute with emulsified facewash on his face, he quickly scrubs it off and hurries out, passing by her chest of drawers next to the closets. 

Jungkook wishes he wasn’t such a coward. He wishes he had the exact right words and that his mouth moved on its own to deliver the message to her. She’d helped him set up the apartment when he’d moved in last month; most of her belongings are here, she returns here more often than not after work, half the groceries in the pantry are stocked by her. She has a set of keys, she uses his extra parking space - but none of it matters as long as it’s still Jungkook’s house. 

In the kitchen, Lia is standing by the counter with a bowl of watermelon in front of her, scrolling on her phone. She looks up when he enters. 

“I cut the other half that was in the fridge,” she informs him. “Rest of it is inside.”

He swallows. “Thanks.”

Jungkook doesn’t know what he would do without her. The house feels far too big and empty when she isn’t around and he wishes there were some way for her to get that message without him having to spell it out.

But if you do spell it out, comes Namjoon’s voice again, what’s the worst that could happen.

She could say no and then I could die, he thinks, shuddering.

He stands on the opposite side of the counter and leans over to examine the pink fruit. Lia raises an eyebrow and pops a piece into his mouth. 

“Wow. Sweet,” he comments, voice slightly muffled. 

She half-chuckles and nods, going back to her phone and taking a piece as well.

Say it. But is this really the moment? Does there need to be a moment? What would that moment even look like? What would she want that moment to -

“Kook,” says Lia, slowly placing her phone down. “I was thinking… I’ve been coming over here after work the last few days. And I’ll probably be here tomorrow as well, so…” She bites her lip.

“Yes,” whispers Jungkook breathlessly. If Lia were to ask the question - nothing like it. No chance of rejection, no scope for awkwardness. Of course, if any of the guys got wind of the fact that she had been the one to ask, they wouldn’t let him live it down, especially Jimin. Suddenly, he half-hopes she isn’t asking.

“Do you think it would be weird if, you know…”

Holy shit. Screw Jimin and his opinions. Despite a crappy first date a year ago, if this is really how far they’ve come since then, he should consider himself the luckiest man in the world. Unexpectedly, Jungkook’s heart begins to race. 

“… if I went home on Monday evening? It’s been a while and I have an important meeting on Tuesday and all my blazers are at home so in a way, I have to…”

Jungkook nods mutely, barely hearing her, for his heart is hammering so loudly he can hear it in his teeth. It occurs to him that Lia might have been anticipating the same question and subsequently felt the same disappointment, and it only serves to make him feel worse.

“… take my car, too. Jungkook?”

He looks up warily, irrationally worried his shame might be written on his forehead for her to see, possibly triggering her to pull the plug on this entire thing, this whole relationship, to save herself the embarrassment of dating a silly pop star who can’t string six words together -

“Hm?”

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“I’m fine,” he chokes. “Thanks for the, uh, the fruit.”

Lia raises her eyebrows, but there’s a flash of knowing in her eyes. Not wanting to decipher it, for there’s no telling where his mind will take him, he shakes his head slightly and leans forward, kissing her on the cheek.

It doesn’t end there. Later that evening, Jungkook is still reeling from his horrendous inability to pluck up the courage to ask his girlfriend a simple question. The general mood between them seems to have gone back to normal, somewhat, but it nags at the corner of his mind.

They are heading to the executive floor gym in his building, accessible only to the handful of residents on the top floor, when another opportunity seemingly presents itself.

It’s a glorious workout in one of the best gyms in the country; in fact, Jungkook is rather upfront about it being one of the main reasons he chose to buy a property in this particular building in Hannam-dong. Towards the end of a particularly difficult set of reps on the bench press station, Jungkook looks up to see a face, upside down and hovering above him.

“Shit!” he gasps, gripping the barbell tightly so it doesn’t fall on him. 

Eunwoo grins. “What’s up? Wasn’t expecting to see you here today.”

“I could’ve died,” points out Jungkook, sitting up and giving him a friendly dap. “No, Lia wanted to work out, too, and it’s been a, uh… somewhat stressful day.”

“Yeah?” Eunwoo, also sweating and glowing, looks around the gym with his hands on his hips. “Lia is here? Oh, there she is…” He nods at the treadmills where she’s jogging fast, AirPods in and the rest of the world shut out.

They chat for a bit about nothing in particular, catching their breath. Somewhere during the conversation, while they’re at the water station and filling up tiny glasses with fruit-infused ice water, Jungkook wonders if the time has truly come to pick another’s brain. Eunwoo is a good friend and they’ve known each other a while, but it would be the first time he’s actively confided in someone else about his love life. From his experience, it could go either way.

While he’s pondering this, Eunwoo nods and flashes a smile at something over his shoulder.

“Hey, guys.” Lia walks over and pours herself a glass. Her skin pale and glowing, her cheeks flushed lusciously. The ends of her high ponytail stick to her damp collarbones and Jungkook bites his lip without thinking, ridiculously attracted to her at the moment.

“Noona, do you agree with JK’s plan of building a home gym?” Eunwoo asks, seamlessly continuing their discussion. “It’s going to be so much maintenance of equipment,” he tells him, shaking his head.

“Really?” Lia turns to Jungkook, frowning. “When did that happen? I thought you were happy with this gym.”

“I am - and I’m not planning on building a home gym,” he clarifies, suddenly anxious with both sets of eyes on him. “I was just discussing the merits of possibly having one.”

“Such as?”

“Well… privacy, for one. I know the building has good security but they're also fairly lax with allowances,” he points out, not wanting to specify the incident last week that had prompted this train of thought, when he was half-certain he’d spotted someone pointing their phone at him and Lia. 

“Allowances? You mean guests?” Eunwoo wrinkles his nose. “They don’t allow guests in here.”

“Yes, they do.”

“No, they don’t. They don’t allow anybody but residents in the gym.”

There’s a brief but painful pause following his words. 

“They do, actually,” says Lia.

“I don’t think so.”

“Yes, they do,” adds Jungkook tightly, glaring at Eunwoo and moving his eyes deliberately in Lia’s direction, hoping to God he’ll drop it.

Eunwoo frowns slowly, apparently working this out. “What?” he mutters, shaking his head at Jungkook. “No, I’m just saying… wait, how are you so sure?”

“Because I’m technically a guest,” says Lia lightly.

“You are?” Eunwoo raises his eyebrows. “But I thought you were - oh.” To Jungkook’s horror, a blush creeps up his friend’s face. Lia goes still next to him and it takes every ounce of Jungkook’s strength to not turn in her direction.

For the next few seconds or so, the three of them stand there in silence, scarcely making a movement. 

“Excuse me? May I?”

“Yes! Of course, of course -” Jungkook immediately blurts out while Eunwoo practically trips over himself to take a step back and make way for another patron. 

“I’m going to stretch and cool down for a bit,” says Lia, touching Jungkook’s shoulder. “How far along are you?”

“Oh, I still have a bit to finish,” he answers, a bit apologetically. “I was going to box for a bit before ending with cardio.”

“That’s fine, I'll just head back h- uh, to your place and shower… if that’s okay?”

Not least because she hasn’t needed to ask such a question in months, Jungkook nods wordlessly. She gives him a small smile and moves away, and Jungkook watches her leave before turning back around to see Eunwoo giving him a look.

“Shut up,” he mutters.

Eunwoo chuckles as they head over to the boxing bag. “Man, I am so sorry about that. I really thought you’d asked her to move in with you - I thought part of the reason you bought a new house was because you wanted her to move in. You were asking about bathrooms with his-and-her sinks, man. What happened?”

“Okay, first of all, I only asked if you’ve ever seen one in real life - not that I wanted one,” he corrects immediately, strapping on his gloves while Eunwoo gets behind the bag, ready to hold it. 

“And the other thing?”

“I’m working on it,” mutters Jungkook, going into stance and holding his hands up. “I just want to do it right. Make sure it’s a good time, that I’m not hurrying anything - that kind of thing.”

Eunwoo hums and nods. “Well, if it helps, she didn’t seem freaked out. If anything, she looked a little annoyed.”

Jungkook freezes. “She did? She looked annoyed - wait, really? Are you serious?”

His eyes widen. “Wh- no. Not - not annoyed like that. Not like a pissed off annoyed, more like a… like a chill annoyed.” When Jungkook says nothing, he shakes his head. “You know what? Don’t worry about it. Maybe it is too soon. Or maybe it isn’t,” he amends quickly. “What do I know? You know my last three relationships lasted, like, four months each - so I’m probably not the best person to be giving you any kind of advice.”

“That’s the most airtight thing you’ve said so far,” mutters Jungkook. “Alright, I’m coming in.” Waiting a moment for Eunwoo to grip the bag, he cocks his elbow back and punches it.

—

Despite his deadly faux pas, Eunwoo had inadvertently provided Jungkook with a rather helpful bit of direction. Perhaps it is time for him to lean on a friend for advice, but Eunwoo was also right that he is not one of them, not with his flighty flings and lack of depth in them. The advice matters and so does the friend, prompting Jungkook to ask himself: which of his friends is the expert on the opposite of short-term flings?

“Namjoon hyung!”

Namjoon stops in his tracks at the sound of his name and turns, waiting for Jungkook to catch up with him. 

“Oh, thanks,” says Jungkook, taking a cigarette from the pack Namjoon offers him and leaning forward so he can light it. “Thanks for getting us the evening off, by the way.”

“Kaya is leaving this weekend,” is all Namjoon says in response, shrugging.

“Right.” Jungkook nods, taking a drag and blowing it out, wondering briefly if he should care that they might be seen smoking right outside the Hybe building. “Won’t this make you a couple minutes late, though? If you want to make the best of the next few days?”

Namjoon chuckles. “I don’t want to smoke inside the house.”

“Uh-huh. Speaking of which…” He exhales, suddenly nervous. “I was hoping for some advice.” He clears his throat. “Regarding… relationships.”

Namjoons raises his eyebrows but says nothing else. “M-hm.”

“I have reason to believe,” he begins slowly, “that Lia might want me to ask her to move in with me.”

“Okay.”

Jungkook pauses, searching his leader’s face for a hint. Finding none, he continues. “Well… I want to ask her. But I also don’t want her to feel like I’m asking her just because she wants me to ask her. And I also don’t want to mess it up.”

“How would you mess it up?”

“I don’t know… maybe I’m completely off track and she doesn’t want to move in with me at all? Maybe she thinks it’s too soon?”

Namjoon nods, hearing him out. Then he shakes his head. “Well, personally, I don’t think that’s the case.”

“What isn’t? You think she wants to move in?” Jungkook’s momentarily relief is interrupted by a horrifying thought. “Oh, my God - did she say something to you? Yesterday, at brunch, when I went to the men’s room?”

“Jungkook, you were gone for two minutes.”

He’s about to argue but stops himself. He knows Lia and she is hardly the type to secretly vent her feelings to his friends behind his back, hoping it will get back to him. No, she’s more straightforward than that.

Somewhat satisfied, he takes a different turn. “Okay, let’s get down to it, then. How did you ask Kaya to move in?”

“Well…” Namjoon frowns thoughtfully. “Actually, I didn’t.”

“You… what?” Jungkook squints. “Wait, so… you didn’t ask? You both just knew, telepathically, when to start living together?” he asks incredulously, thinking privately that it could just be believable.

“No,” says Namjoon patiently, chuckling again and flicking some ash off his cigarette. “I didn’t ask because I didn’t have to. Where else is she supposed to live when she comes to Seoul? Where am I supposed to live when I go to see her?”

“Yeah… okay, but… well, would you say you live together?” he presses. “Or do you just, like, crash at each other’s place when you visit?”

“Well, we definitely don’t crash at each other’s place,” he mutters. “Maybe we did right in the beginning? I guess I’d say we live apart, but it’s only because we have to. I don’t know - when she came to Seoul for work last year while I was in service, she stayed at Hannam even though her aunt lives in the city, too.” He shrugs. “If that helps.”

“Huh.” Jungkook considers this. “So, like, do you guys ‘go home’ or do you go back to ‘your place’?”

“Home,” he answers casually, not skipping a beat. “Even her apartment is home. ‘Home’ is what you make it, to a large extent. It’s a place of comfort - an apartment is only part of that,” he says wisely. “I feel more at home in her studio apartment in London with her than at Hannam by myself. The people make the home - and that’s for you to decide.”

Jungkook stares, feeling his cigarette burn away in his hand. “That’s really not the kind of thing I’m looking for, hyung,” he states, before dropping his face in his hand.

Namjoon clicks his tongue and stubs his cigarette on the tray atop the trash can next to him. “Don’t overthink it,” he says, clapping him on the shoulder. “Go about it logically: she’s been your girlfriend for six or seven months now, you bought a new place which is significantly bigger than your old one and she’s in her thirties, meaning she’s most likely thinking long-term.” 

Jungkook gazes at Namjoon’s raised eyebrows, quite certain he’s meant to pick up some meaning out of this. “So…”

“So… if you’re worried she might say no…”

“Chances are… she probably won’t?”

Namjoon grins and nods. “Exactly. Just be yourself, be genuine, be honest - and remember you’re both together for a reason. And I think - I think - she has a thing for you, too,” he adds seriously.

“One can only hope,” he mutters, albeit slightly mollified. “I really don’t want to mess this up.”

Namjoon observes him - for too long. For a moment, it seems as though he’s about to say something that makes Jungkook’s stomach jolt unpleasantly, but at the last second, he shakes his head.

“Impossible to mess it up. Honestly,” he says reassuringly, and Jungkook almost believes him. “It’s a part of the journey and if you think she’s expecting it, just take the plunge. Don’t add unnecessary pressure by trying to make it perfect.”

While the last bit simply isn’t in Jungkook’s DNA, he nods anyway. 

—

“Damn it.” 

Lia doesn’t look up from the email she’s writing, despite Dal’s repeated exclamations from the kitchen. Finally, he sticks his head out around the door.

“Did you know the faucet is leaking?”

“Yes,” she mutters, still not looking away from her screen.

“And did you know it’s dripping out of the sink zone and onto the floor?”

“Yeah?”

“And did you know it’s fucking disgusting?”

Lia sighs and finally turns her head to glance at him. “Yes, I know. I mopped it up this morning.”

Dal steps out, frowning. “So this much water leaked in the last six hours?” When Lia nods, he sighs heavily and trudges into the living room, falling onto the sofa. “I suppose we can text the landlord but I don’t know what good that will do.”

“Probably as much as it did when we told him about the seepage in the bathroom ceiling.”

“Yeah. Didn’t realise the kind of shoulder strength you need to baste upwards.” A moment later, he chuckles. “Helped that there were three of us there, though. Jungkook was really looking for any excuse to be around you back then, wasn’t he?”

Without meaning to, Lia feels a smile creep up her face at the memory. “It was cute,” she says, slightly defensive. “And we really needed the extra hands, especially to clean up.”

“Oh, sure.” There’s a comfortable silence, the only sound being the clicking of Lia’s keyboard. “Speaking of,” he speaks, and his tone is slightly different, “I’m surprised to see you here.”

Lia doesn’t look up, but she’s certain she knows where he’s going with this. “Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah. You haven’t been around much.”

“You think so?”

“M-hm. In fact, I was starting to wonder if you’d moved out or something and I missed the memo.”

“You were still paying only half the rent, though, weren’t you?”

“Lia.”

“‘Sup.”

From the corner of her eye, she sees a movement and ducks out of habit.

“Lee-lee,” he says again, and she finally meets his gaze.

“I know what you’re getting at, and no,” she says dryly, “no updates on that front. I’m still your roommate for the foreseeable future.”

Dal raises his eyebrows. “Okay.”

Lia turns back to her laptop but doesn’t resume her typing. “What?”

“What what?”

“You’re still looking at me.”

“No. I’m just looking in your general direction.”

She gives him a look. “Just say it.”

“I thought you were moving in with Jungkook.”

“Why would you think that?”

“Because he told me last time he came over that he wanted you to move in with him.”

Lia scoffs. “No way did he say that. Liar.”

“Fine, he didn’t use those exact words,” he admits, rolling his eyes. “But he just happened to mention that his new place is bigger, that the gym is fantastic, that it has a really good running trail or something…”

“Maybe he was just making conversation?”

“... and how much closer it is to the Hybe office.”

He works at Hybe, too, technically. The words are on the tip of her tongue, but she can’t deflect anymore; Dal will see right through it. She sighs and puts her laptop away.

“What do you want me to say?” she asks steadily. “We aren’t living together. It’s not the end of the world.”

“I’m not saying it is, at all.” He holds up his hands. “Do you want to, though?”

Lia is silent for a moment. “He needs to ask first. But… yeah, I guess. Could be fun. We’ll save on a lot of fuel.”

“Ooh, stop, I’m swooning.”

She flashes him an embarrassed sort of smile. “You know what I mean. We basically do live together already - but this is a big deal for Jungkook. He’s never done the long-term relationship, adult couple milestone thing before. The last thing I want to do is scare him off.”

Dal nods thoughtfully. “Well, hopefully it’ll go better than your last adult couple milestone thing.”

She snorts, covering her face. “Hey, to be fair, I did move in with him,” she points out. “Kind of.”

“You lasted less than a month before you were back here.”

“Yeah. God, he was such a manchild. Can’t believe I was ever attracted to him.”

“I told you he had an asshat kind of face. But you didn’t listen. Didn’t he have a shrine to his ex-girlfriend in the bathroom or something?”

“It was a couple of bottles of her shampoo and lotion, not a shrine,” she corrects him, “but, sort of. He was so blown away when I asked him to get rid of it - like, sue me, I don’t want to live with my boyfriend and sentimental haircare products belonging to his ex. It just goes to show, you never know enough about your partner until you actually share a living space together.”

“You think there’s more to Jungkook? Because I like him for you, honestly. But he seems to be a more…” Dal grimaces, trying to find the word, “... what you see is what you get… kind of person.”

“That’s a good thing,” she remarks. “Means there’s no lying, no games. None of that shit.”

He raises his eyebrows. “Well, it’s good you know what you want. How long are we planning to wait for him to pop the question?”

“We are not waiting for anything. I, on the other hand…” 

It’s a good question, unfortunately, one that Lia has deliberately tried not to think about because there’s simply no correct answer.

“... will take things as they come.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

She narrows her eyes at her oldest friend, recognising both teasing masking genuine concern. “I’m not going to pressure Jungkook. And I’m not going to get my hopes up either,” she states, trying to ignore the quiet tugging at her heart and standing up, stretching.

“Hey, just say the word and I will -“ Dal makes a flailing kind of gesture and flexes his triceps, “- whip him into shape.”

“Oh, really? Not only will it probably be evenly matched, but who’s going to help you both carry cartons of beer into each other’s houses if you’re both maimed?” She taps her temple sarcastically.

“Well, you’ll be a resident in one of our houses at any given time so I guess we’ll be looking at you.” Dal shrugs in satisfaction as Lia chuckles and starts heading inside her bedroom, considering a shower before bed.

“Oi, Lia.” 

Lia turns in her doorway, recognising the subtle change in tone once again. It wasn’t surprising that Dal and Jungkook got along easily enough; despite her boyfriend’s initial reservations, most of which were based on Dal’s gender and inopportune timing, he had eventually moved past it to begin actually enjoying his company. Oh, he would never admit it, but Lia had woken up more than once in her own bed, alone, while hearing two male voices laughing in the living room with the television on.

As for Dal, the only thing he had needed to say was “Lee-lee, for once, you’ve found a good boy.”

Therefore, while Lia prefers to handle her relationships herself, she recognises the value of her oldest friend’s opinion.

“I just want to let you know,” he begins seriously, and she feels the muscles in her face go slack. He bites his lip. “I just wanted to let you know,” he repeats, “that if Jungkook has a shrine to his ex in his house, you can always move back in here.”

There’s relief, and Lia doesn’t want to admit there’s relief. “Shut up,” she mutters, turning back around as Dal laughs at his own joke behind her.

It’s not the greatest comfort, but Lia uses it as such after that. Worst case, I move back in with Dal, she thinks. We stay roommates until we’re eighty, when either I die first from stress about work or he does driving his car like a maniac. Jungkook brings a carton of beer to the funeral and shares it with whichever one of us is still alive.

It’s a mildly depressing train of thought, especially when she imagines her eighty year old self heading back to her apartment while seventy-seven year old Jungkook, in his infinite wisdom, still hasn’t asked her to move in with him.

Nearly a week later, Lia has successfully kept her desires to herself, while Jungkook has continued trying to pretend he isn’t thinking about it just as much.

“Remind me again why we’re going to this club?” she asks him as they walk to his car in the basement parking. “It doesn’t really sound like your scene.”

“It isn’t,” he admits. “But the DJ tonight is a friend of a friend… of an acquaintance, who’s also kind of an ex-colleague.” He wrinkles his nose. “I wouldn’t normally go but he helped me out during the production of my debut album and I accidentally told him I owed him.”

“Ah. Mistake number one.”

“It might be. You look quite club-ready for someone who doesn’t really enjoy clubs either,” he remarks, playfully smacking her backside. “Leather pants and everything.”

“Faux leather,” she corrects, leaning over and bumping his hip with hers. “I figured I may as well look the part of a popstar’s girlfriend. Plus,” she adds after a moment, as they climb into the car and begin strapping in, “it’s the only party outfit I have at your place.”

Predictably, Jungkook freezes for a moment before clumsily buckling himself in. He doesn’t meet her eyes and swallows as he looks ahead.

“By the way, I hear the gin martinis at this club are to die for,” he declares, completely transparent. “Did you know, the martini is one of the top five drinks people order on a first date?”

Abrupt subject change coupled with a random fact that doesn’t sound completely true; Jungkook is nervous. It’s exasperating and endearing all at once.

“That’s… interesting. Maybe you should’ve invited your single friends tonight. Or if this DJ is an ex-colleague, at least the ones in your group.”

“What, all two of them?”

“Isn’t it three?”

“I don’t think so.” Jungkook shrugs as they pull out of Hannam Hill. “Or maybe it is. I don’t know. Yoongi hyung isn’t very forthcoming about his dating life and I’m too afraid to ask.”

Lia chortles as they turn into the main road, reaching for her party clutch for her phone, when she realises…

“Oh, no,” she mutters under breath.

“What?”

“I, uh…” She bites her lip, internally swearing at herself. “I was moving stuff from my regular bag to the clutch and I forgot… you know what, can we make a quick detour to my apartment? It’s on the way.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Yes, it is. If you take a right after the signal then you can take the parallel road to the church at the end of my street.”

“That’s not the same road - and come on,” he whines, his shoulders falling. “I don’t want to take a detour. What did you even forget? Power bank? Because my phone is fully charged.”

“It’s not a power bank - look, it’s kind of important, Jungkook. It’ll take, like, five extra minutes.”

“But -”

“Kook!”

“What? What did you even forget that’s so important? Is it make-up or something? Because you look -”

“It’s tampons, Jungkook.”

“It’s -”

“Tampons,” she repeats. “And I don’t want to stop at a drugstore because they may not have the exact brand that I use and most of the others chafe… down there.”

There’s a few seconds of silence while Jungkook stares out of the windshield as the car zooms down the road, his ears turning red.

“Which signal was it again?”

True to her word, they reach her three-storey apartment building a few minutes later and jog up the stairs together.

“I swear, I just need to pick up a couple of extras,” she promises him. “The last time I was caught without any on me and then I had to borrow one and it was just the worst time I - oh, my God!”

Lia gasps as she stops in her tracks in the doorway of her apartment, Jungkook right next to her. 

“Is that -”

“Water,” she sighs, shaking her head. “Shit, it came into the living room? I thought we fixed that damn leak,” she mutters. She places her hands on her hips and looks up at Jungkook.

“Well?”

Jungkook looks blank. “Well… what?”

“Well… I’m going to have to wade in there,” she says slowly, already dreading it. “Do you want to come?”

“Ordinarily, I would love to because that sounds so fun, but these are Balenciaga.” He raises his right leg to show her his shoes, mimicking her position until Lia looks away.

“Alright. Wait here then,” she tells him, before gingerly placing one heeled foot into the water and cringing in anticipation. It reaches ankle deep, missing the hem of her pants only due to the height of her heels. With no specific attachment to her shoes, she takes a couple of more hesitant steps.

“Ugh, I can hear the faucet dripping from here,” she grumbles. “Sure you want to just wait out there?”

“Totally. You’re doing great, though, baby.” He grimaces as she walks further in. “Is it cold? It looks cold.”

“No, it’s room temperature. I’m just glad it hasn’t reached the sofa or the cushions or anything in the - whoa!” Lia grabs the arm of the chair beside her as she slips, thankfully saving her ankles as her knee breaks the fall.

There’s a sound of splashing before Jungkook is right next to her a second too late. “Shit, you okay?”

“Uh, yeah. No injuries, I think.” She twists to see him kneeling next to her. “What happened to your Balenciagas?”

It seems to have occurred to him only now. “Oh…” He looks down at his shoes, now submerged. “I can try blow drying them, probably?”

“Probably.” She tries to hide a smile before giving up. “Take them off before they get any more damaged, though.”

He takes her advice this time and they both rid themselves of their shoes, tossing them on the chair before splashing their way into the kitchen.

Jungkook whistles. “Wow, that’s some leak,” he remarks, following her as she falls to her knees to get a good look at the thin but steady stream of water spilling from a crack in the pipe. “Is this the only leak?” he wonders out loud before pressing his hand against the crack so the water suddenly stops.

“No, there’s a small one here, too,” she answers, squinting at something on the other side of the pipe, a little higher up. “It’s only a few drops out of this one but it’s still bad enough.”

“Maybe we can -” Jungkook grunts and tugs at the pipe, “- wrench it into place? To block this crack?”

“Doubtful. It’s a really old pipe, too, so I’m afraid it might break.”

“It’s metal - can metal break?”

“I mean… yeah? I guess? Look, it’s all rusted up here.”

“Oh, yeah…”

In his effort to look, Jungkook’s hand slips off the crack and the flow of the water resumes. 

“Okay, this can’t go on - we need to block this for now so we can get rid of this fucking flood,” she decides, noting in worry how the water level is slowly rising. “And I’m calling the landlord tomorrow and giving him a piece of my mind.”

“Um -” Jungkook looks around from his position by the pipe. “We have a towel, some flour and stuff… maybe we stick some dough onto it?”

“Worth a shot but I don’t know if it’ll hold till tomorrow. Maybe we should try moving the pipe,” she admits, holding the top of it and wondering if it’ll work.

“Okay, let’s do that. Worst case, we find a plastic or metal box, cut it in just the right dimensions to cover the crack and fix it around the pipe.”

“Worst case.” 

Jungkook waves her over and they grip the pipe together. “If this goes south, just remember that I love you.”

Despite the chaos and the fact that her faux leather pants are damp and disgusting, Lia snorts. “Shut up, you dork. Come on, let’s do this.” Both of them pull the top part towards the lower one to try and close the gap.

“A little to the left, come on…”

“It’s - not - moving -” Lia bites her lip and jerks the pipe back, accidentally slipping again and falling back onto her boyfriend. The jolt makes Jungkook tip over and the pipe twists on the rust, bursting.

“Oh, my - “ Jungkook’s words are cut off when a jet of water hits him square in the face. Lia gasps and reaches for the pipe as he fumbles, sputtering, and lunges towards the pipe to turn it away.

“Jungkook, no! It’ll break if you -” 

But Lia is cut off as well and almost knocked backwards by the force of the water. It’s everywhere now; her clothes, her hair - she’s fully drenched. Next to her, Jungkook looks like he’s been dunked into a lake, his long thick hair sticking to his forehead.

“Take cover!” he yells, pulling open a cabinet behind him with one hand and yanking something out, while the other hand covers the jet of water uselessly. He replaces it with the lid of a cooking pan and tosses her another one which splashes into the water next to her.

“Thanks! I - Jungkook!” She brandishes the utensil while trying to dodge the water. “It’s a sieve!”

“What?”

“It has holes!”

“I can’t see! Wait -” He crawls towards the cabinet but slips midway, swearing loudly. 

“Careful!” She ducks and tries to get to the pipe but feels him grip her forearm and pull her back.

“You’ll hurt yourself!” he yells, handing her another pan. “Jesus - how did you guys let this stupid faucet get this bad?”

“I told you - our landlord is a jackass who ghosts us if we bring up fixtures!”

“Well -” Jungkook pauses, wincing a little as the water continues to ricochet off the pan he’s holding up. “In that case, this is probably as good a time as any to ask you this, but do you want to move in with me?”

Lia almost swallows a mouthful of tap water. “What?”

“Just - I mean, this apartment is unlivable!” he says loudly. “And I’m a much better landlord! And also -” He gags and spits out some water, “- I love you and all!” He shrugs awkwardly, drenched to the bone with his oversized t-shirt sticking to his shoulders and chest.

Lia tries - she really tries - to keep a straight face, to attempt to understand what goes on in Jungkook’s head. But it’s a lost cause, for at the end of the day, whatever it is, it just works. Through the irritation at her landlord and the general shock of being waterboarded by a broken pipe, she sees it. A shine in his doe eyes, a hint of nervousness. 

She doesn’t realise immediately why the water hits her suddenly with force or why Jungkook’s eyes widen belatedly.

“What are you doing? The water is - oh.” The anticipation turns into the beginnings of a smile when he works out why she has knee walked all the way towards him and he stands on his knees as well, just as she reaches him and places her arms around his neck, and kisses him.

When she pulls away, he’s grinning. “That’s a yes?”

“That’s a thank God you finally asked.” 

Jungkook nods sheepishly. “I wanted it to be perfect, honestly. I was just waiting for the right time and -” He sighs, shaking his head so droplets of water fall from his hair.

“You know what? I think this, unexpected as it was, is pretty perfect,” she says honestly. “So… I guess that’s a yes,” she clarifies, meeting him in a kiss once again.

There’s a muffled sound and then a splash, followed by a gasp.

“Oh, my God! What the fuck?”

Jungkook jerks away, pursing his lips. “As long as he is never allowed in our house,” he declares, glaring and pointing in the direction of the living room.

She gives him a look. “Pretty sure you’ll crack before I do on that front,” she guesses, just as Dal appears in the doorway of the kitchen, looking incredulous.

“What the fuck happened in here?”

“What do you think? That damn faucet,” she snaps, pointing at it. “This is the landlord’s problem now - he and his insurance can handle it.”

“I agree, but - God, are you guys okay?”

“Yeah, we were using lids…” Jungkook picks his up and places it in front of the stream of water, much more unfazed about it now than he was before. 

“Lids? Why didn’t you guys just turn off the water?” Taking a long step across the flooded kitchen floor, he reaches for a panel behind the left-most cabinet and twists a lever - and the water stops.

Speechless, Lia turns to look at Jungkook who is looking back at her with equal dismay. “We thought of dough before we thought of turning off the water,” he mutters, shaking his head.

“And we’re taking it to the grave,” she replies, squeezing his hand.

He’s wet, his designer clothes ruined - but Jeon Jungkook is glowing. A moment later, he squeezes her hand back.

“Deal.”

—

Thank you for reading. Don’t forget to leave a review :)

[glitchyk]

Hey guys, just figured I’d tell y’all that you should probably block @/dogfucker2000 since I woke up and got pictures of gore from them in my askbox- look I’m into horror topics, but even I don’t want that stuff in my askbox, unfortunately tumblr won’t let me report gore and such without a post to go off of, and I definitely wasn’t going to answer that ask, also the person seems racist in general, they said the n slur with the hard r in the comments of their own stuff.

Look I already knew with the name they’d be off when I looked in my notifications :/ but like, dude, I don’t want to see an image of a person who doesn’t have a face because it was skinned off, their eyeballs gone, and just the bony remains of their body

Also sorry for the tags y’all, but, I wanna make sure this spreads so that others are aware of it and don’t have to deal with it! @gummy-axolotl @chaos-ace @rabid-mercenary16 @bunnybunnsowo @dia-smthidk and anyone else, these are just some of the first mutuals that came to mind that I know could reach a ton of people about the topic

[caramel1mochi]

So I love Jollz and joshseki but nobody writes about valorant streamers 😔

I was wondering if you would??

Like ik jollz makes a ton of mom tokes all the time but what if he secretly had like a wife or something?? He's 30 now so he'd probably be married for a couple of years and he randomly says something about his relationship on stream or like reader walks in during a stream by accident not remembering hes streaming?

And joshseki has a girlfriend he met through valorant and they started living together? Like his chat randomly starts noticing pink stuff around his gaming room and stuff (like they share a gaming room) and start getting suspicious?

IDKK I just love them both and I think stories about the two would be so cute. And I think if someone starts writing about the two then maybe more would start as well. I know you're in the middle of an iso series right now but I like your writing because of how good and long they are.

Heya, thanks for the request! And your kind words, got me smiling like an idiot for too long haha‎ ‎  Also so sorry for the delay, literally everything happened when you sent this I am fish and the reckoning cinematic is my water I just CAN'T stop watching  ‎ ‎‎‎‎ Writing about real people is a very new concept for me so I hope I did well on this. Have a good read!‎! ‎ ‎

[ Jollz x F! Reader ] / [ Joshseki x F! Reader ]

Words: 1k each‎ ‎ 

Note: Please don't copy or steal my work and pass it off as your own! If you'd like to use one of my headcanons or something, I'd love it if you tagged or asked.‎ ‎‎ ‎  

。+❤ฺ·。❤ฺ·。+❤ฺ· +❤·。❤ฺ·。+❤ฺ·

Jollz!

This morning had been a slow one for Jollz. His routine was the same as any other one. He woke up, washed up, and went to the kitchen to make his morning coffee whilst chatting with you. He had a timer on his phone to specifically announce when he should get to his office to start streaming. But even after it struck and he had arrived to turn on his computer, he didn’t gain any of the energy he normally had every other day.

Moving his mouse felt like a drag, let alone actually focusing on the upcoming game. And the topic that the chat had taken up once people had gathered didn’t exactly help either; people mostly started comparing their morning routines after their previously relaxed greetings spiralled.

‎ 

‘Yo whats ur morning routine?’

‎ 

“Guys, this is gonna be hard to believe, but my morning routine isn’t crazy. It’s ten minutes long.”

‎ 

He tapped his index finger on the mousepad as he read a few responses from the chatters. This drab talk about morning routines was definitely not on his list of ‘entertaining things to talk about’, and it only further exhausted him.

‎ 

“Yeah, no, I’m only playing a couple games today. No idea why I’m so tired, though.”

‎ 

‘only single people have 10 min morning routines’

‎ 

‘facts’

‎ 

A few other people were also quick to agree with this sentiment; all except for the obvious, Jollz, and he couldn’t help but laugh at this exchange with a particularly prideful smile. He sat back and smugly checked out his nails as he spoke,

‎ 

“Trueee. Single people have way too much time on their hands. Glad I'm not one of them.”

‎ 

He knew exactly what he was doing with these words. And almost as if it were on cue, his smile only widened to a grin once he saw the stream of oncoming messages the moment he stopped talking. And he didn’t really need to read anything to know that they were demanding an explanation for such a bold statement.

Now this was the excitement he was used to, he mused.

‎ 

“‘What do you mean by that?’ I’m just saying what we’re all thinking here.”

‎ 

‘Jollz youre speaking in code’

‎ 

“Speaking in code? That’s wild...”

‎ 

The door behind him swung open, and a set of gentle knocks that accompanied them interrupted the entertainment he was deriving from the catastrophe. Luckily, by the sound of the steps he heard earlier, Jollz already knew it was you before he turned around to meet your gaze.

‎ 

“Hey, babe, are you…”

‎ 

He stopped once he noticed the full cup of coffee in your hands, and the lack of steam from the drink was enough to tell him what you didn’t need to say. Jollz had forgotten the coffee he made in the kitchen this morning. Again.

Which also explained why he was so bloody tired, but that’s by the by.

‎ 

“Wait, hold on, listen–”

‎ 

“This is the third time this week.”

‎ 

Jollz sat up with a guilty smile as you approached with his cup, and he couldn’t help but scramble for reasons to defend himself.

‎ 

“Fair point, but…”

‎ 

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I can’t help you if a fly ever happens to drown in this.”

‎ 

Of course you’d say that, he thought. The mere thought of a fly grossed you out, let alone digging one’s corpse out of a drink.

‎ 

“Yeah, so, in all fairness, I actually had something scheduled.”

‎ 

“Today?” 

‎ 

You stopped at his desk and set down the cup in an empty spot on his desk, but there were a multitude of tabs open on one monitor and Valorant proudly displayed on the other. They all seemed to be calling for your attention. You were only vaguely familiar with most of the software that he had open; however, it wasn’t exactly hard to isolate the chat amongst everything. It rapidly moved with messages you couldn’t read from this distance. But the worst part was that you could see your own reflection on the webcam as you stood behind him.

Uh oh.

Your attire, being a casual nightgown, did not meet the standards expected of someone standing in front of a bloody audience. Well, not your standards, anyway. A tinge of red painted your cheeks once you’d finally put two-and-two together.

‎ 

“You didn’t tell me you were streaming today. Am I interrupting?”

‎ 

“Oh yeah, totally. It was intense before you came in. VCT-level gameplay.”

‎ 

You lightly laughed once he pointed to the timer whilst it searched for a game before pulling him close and planting a kiss on his cheek.

‎ 

“I’ll let you handle it. Best of luck, dear.”

‎ 

Cheeky, you mused to yourself as you walked out of the room. But being the guy who always resorted to knifing everyone whenever he could, it made sense for him to be just that.

‎ 

“Thanks babe.” He took a sip shortly after, grimacing at the temperature before he set it down. “Ice cold coffee, my favourite.”

‎ 

That one sip seemed to work in rejuvenating him, however, and he was definitely grateful for that. Only now did he actually take notice of what the flood of messages were actually saying. And once they came down from their shock, they inferred exactly what was going on.

‎ 

‘dear 🥺’

‎ 

‘Girlfriend’

‎ 

‘ya thats his gf alright’

‎ 

Quick on his feet, he prepared another statement sure to stir the pot that was his viewers’ confusion.

‎ 

“Why’s ‘girlfriend’ your first guess? She could be my friend’s mom, for all you know, and they’re just visiting today.”

‎ 

‘That’s not stopping you jollz 💀💀💀’

‎ 

‘YOU CALLED HER BABE’

‎ 

They shortly spammed the words ‘babe’ and ‘thanks babe’ to subtly remind him of how he referred to you earlier.

To put it kindly, this statement was instantaneously shot down by the chatters. If their words weren’t indicative of that, the emotes they typed out alongside their growing surprise definitely made it clear. Besides, it wasn’t that hard to tell, considering you were exactly Jollz’s type, down to the mellow tone of your voice.

‎ 

‘is she actually ur gf tho’

‎ 

“Bro, don’t act confused. I’ve been wearing my wedding ring the whole time; you should’ve seen it by now.”

‎ 

His viewers flooded the chat with demands to be shown this mysterious ring he spoke of. And at that, he held up his hand with faux ignorance to reveal the multitude of rings he wore. Somehow, both this and the ‘clarifying’ statement only further confused the chatters.

Girlfriend, sure, but marriage? They probably would’ve doubted it if they hadn’t seen concrete proof mere minutes ago. Oh, but it technically should’ve been easy for them to infer his relationship status on account of the one secured around his ring finger. Not that it blended in, or anything.

‎ 

“It’s right here,” he extended his ring finger, “get it together, chat.”

‎ 

He teased with a cheeky smile before lifting his cold drink for another sip. If the coffee wasn’t quick enough to energise him, this conversation surely did.

Joshseki!

Josh’s gaming room was quite a minimalistic one. Despite having a notable array of colours that pleasantly complemented each other, they were still muted; and the structure of the furniture he’d picked out was delicately balanced between comfortable and presentable.

All of it fit his calm personality to a tee (when he wasn’t playing Valorant), and was also easy on the eyes. Especially for the viewers.

So during one particularly annoying game, once Josh unknowingly shifted his chair to the right as he spoke to his teammate, an annoying Reyna, one of his viewers’ eyes immediately locked on the hazy pink object that was set on the American sycamore dresser a few feet away. To say the bright pink item stood out despite the distance and the pixelation would be a massive understatement, and the fact that it sat there with no explanation only increased their curiosity to an exponential degree.

The only viewer who actually noticed this decided to type out his question,

‎ 

‘josh whats that behind u’

‎ 

Unfortunately for them, however, he didn’t catch the question amongst the onslaught of similar messages that were flooding the chat referencing the toxic duellist he was currently dealing with.

The game had been going on for nearly two hours, and the twentieth round promptly ended in a loss. Once they respawned and the overtime pop-up box appeared, everyone except for him immediately voted for the game to continue. Only one vote was required for it to end in a draw. He sat back with a sigh and took off his headphones so as to not listen to the demands of his teammates.

This seemingly simple move, however, covered up the pink object behind him.

‎ 

“What did I tell you, chat? This is what happens when I’m not the instalock. I’m drawing; I don’t care.”

‎ 

‘WHATS THAT BEHIND U\’

‎ 

The moment Josh looked towards the chat for a response, they quickly snatched up the opportunity and asked, but their message was drowned out by a union of agreement on their side.

‎ 

“‘Draw?’ Let’s go. See, I knew you guys would come around.”

‎ 

And with that, the game ended. He luckily couldn’t hear anything his teammates were saying since his headphones were off. He shortly grabbed them once they were all disconnected and went to put them on. An off-screen voice came up from the other side of the room before he could, asking a question muffled to the chat.

‎ 

“Yeah, I closed the door.”

‎ 

He responded, and the chat was overwhelmed with ‘who?’ and variations of the simple question. The voice increased in volume once more, presumably in response to his statement, and he looked back with a wide grin.

‎ 

“When’d he get here? Chat, wait, I have to take care of Nogu.”

‎ 

Josh stood up and walked out of the camera’s frame, revealing both the pink object and a baby pink dress splayed out on the couch. If that object and the mysterious voice didn’t cause enough of a fuss, this one absolutely did, and the chat erupted with even more questions despite him not being present.

He grabbed the cat from the other side of the room and left so he could put her outside. And by the time he came back, it had been discovered that the mysterious pink object was lipstick, further increasing their suspicions that there was another person in the room. And to say Josh came back to chaos would be a gross understatement.

He was bombarded with questions the moment he sat down and put his headphones back on. But after about a minute of staring blankly and attempting to decipher them, he managed to catch a repetitive question asked over and over.

‎ 

“‘Is the dress a gift?’ Chat, not every gift should be a Valorant skin. But no, it’s not.”

‎ 

He seemingly mistook their intention behind the question as he queued into another game, much to their frustration, and they responded the only sensible way before he’d move on from the topic.

‎ 

‘WHY IS THERE A DRESS’

‎ 

“It’s for my girlf–”

‎ 

“Josh, he’s still ruining my game!”

‎ 

The same voice spoke loudly from behind him once more. This time, however, it was audible enough and allowed the chat to finally comprehend what was being said. But before any more investigation could occur, a mysterious woman, you, popped up into the frame with the same rascal of a cat that spent the past twenty minutes sleeping on your keyboard and ruining your own game.

‎ 

“You watched me close the door this time!”

‎ 

“Yeah! He probably snuck through the opening.”

‎ 

It sounded plausible enough, what with how flexible the feline was and the considerably large opening just beneath the white door. You set him outside the corridor as Josh followed your movements, pushing Nogu away until he was at a safe distance before slamming the door shut. Then, you walked away, noticing a few seconds later what all of the confusion was about.

‎ 

“Hi chat! That’s my dress.”

‎ 

You pointed at the now-obscured lace dress before disappearing and going back to your setup. Once he turned his chair to face the monitor, he noticed the chaos that ensued in the chat, especially the flow of messages that were too quick for him to keep up with.

‎ 

“You guys heard that? It’s her dress.”

‎ 

The announcer’s voice immediately interrupted his words, and he was launched into the game. But the chat mulled over the design of the dress as Josh aimed to pick Reyna the moment he was allowed to. Despite only seeing it for a few seconds, they noted its formality…

Definitely a date night, huh?

[vaspider]

Genuine question. I am fairly confident that i understand the point you were making about the use of the phrase (among a couple others) cuntboy to be unconsionable. I think it was much the same as the fairly standard dont be an ass, call people the terminology they want used for them and do not call them things they do not use for themselves, mixed with the very lengthy transphobic and fetishistic uses the terminology has history with. But, i am terrible at context and, i am not certain that i havent missed anything else. Is that understanding correct? If not, would it be unkind if i were to ask you to elaborate? Or not, i am very familiar with complicated relationships with gender and identifying terminology and how fucking exhausting talking about this stuff ad nauseum can get, so a no is perfectly adequite for telling me off.

Inserting tags here because there isnt really a good equivalent inside asks.

#i respect you massively and find you well a well educated and eloquent resource for living knowledge on these topics.

#autistic context problems yay

#actually autistic

Nope, that's pretty much it.

The uses of terms like 'cuntboy' and 'zippertits' that we're talking about are coming out of the hands of the same people who are talking about how trans men should be raped and made pregnant to force them to detransition. That clearly is ... really fucked up. Those words are not meant as a means of establishing a shared outsider status, which is how queers use slurs positively with each other. Nope. They're clearly meant to make those transmascs/trans men feel like shit and they're continuing after people have asked for it to fucking stop.

If a random trans dude gets off on his lover calling him zippertits or cuntboy or if it's a thing that he and his friends call each other -- much the same way that a lot of queers call each other faggot and dyke in a way that is consented to by both parties -- or if a random trans dude gets off on forced detransition play in his sex life because of the taboo of it or whatever, that's fine. That's something that person consented to being called, and probably actively asked to be called or to have done to them.

The key concept here is consent, and that's what's clearly missing when someone is being harassed. Indeed, that's what makes the behavior harassment. The words matter less than the fact that this clearly isn't consented to and the people subjected to this behavior have said 'hey, fucking stop it.' Someone could be calling transmascs ham sandwich and it would still be harassment if the people in question said 'hey stop it' and it continued.

[spicymoonmenace]

Hey! Love the new drabble cause the writing is great. But I'd also recommend putting an SA tw on the post as while nothing happens in the end, it's still fitting for the drabble, and some people can handle just violence but would be triggered by the sa aspects that are in there. Sorry if this comes off rude or nit-picky, I just feel like it'd be better to let you know. Please have a wonderful day

Nah you're not being rude or nit-picky at all Anon! I agree it should probably have some kind of SA warning on there, I apologize for not considering that before I posted. I'll admit I'm a bit sleepy brained so that's completely on me.

I've gone ahead and deleted the drabble for now. I think I might consider slapping it on AO3 with ample warnings and stuff so people aren't blind sighted. I know not everyone can handle some of the topics in the AU so I wanna try my best to label them accordingly and make sure those who don't want to see it don't have to.

Also, I'm saying this as gently as I can, if any of y'all can't handle topics like abuse and SA I'd highly highly highly advise y'all to avoid this AU cause it can get pretty rough in terms of those kinds of topics. While they aren't the main focus, that kind of stuff does happen in it, especially with Dante and Eclipse. (Also I'll take the time to say that I don't condone this kind of toxic behavior, it's vile and reprehensible. I don't glorify it or make it the main focus. But I also think it's ok for these kinds of characters and topics to exist and be explored fictitiously for story telling purposes.) Just wanting to make sure y'all know where my views lie on it!

I'll try to be better about what I post on here and how I tag things. I'm sincerely sorry about that! 🙇

[just-a-carrot]

with the character asks lore maybe you could compile it all in a searchable text file of sorts? like google doc or word or something, copy the text of the ask and the answer, n then put some like searchable 'tags' above or below it

like:

'hey whats the casts jobs?' - anon iggy web developer genzou bike repair shop etc. etc. - careers professions

i use this system to organize my stuff usually ^0^ the tags are because i know ill forget what specific wording it had and would just search things generally around the topic that might not be in the base text itself. like if its a more in depth description of my characters appearance, ill write tags for synonyms for appearance, phrases like 'looks like', and certain features id probably mention like a mole on the foot or something. i also put the date on things sometimes, seperated so its searchable like 'october 7 2021'

it could also be sorted by categories of ask? like if its about something outside the game, a writing process or your own thoughts on a part, then another category for in-world facts and things, so on and so forth

this is just an idea of course, but i thought it might help maybe? >.>;

ohhhhhhhhh

something like that's not a bad idea

although it all really comes down to tags. like i just need more tags. even if i had more tags then it would be a lot more easily searchable here on tumblr too 💦 right now i only have ow: asks and char info asks that i added more recently specifically for char info. but i wonder if even just creating a better tag system for types of questions, char specific info, etc., would be helpful even as a first step for helping people look through old asks more easily...

THERE ARE OVER A YEAR'S WORTH OF ASKS THO SO IT MIGHT TAKE A WHILE LMAO (hence why i can never find anything anymore if i need to go back in and search 💦💦)

i will try maybe just coming up with better tags first. then i'll need to ofc spend all the time actually going through and adding the tags sob... and then decide if it's something i should eventually take off tumblr. but i kinda hate making ppl leave. it feels like it could be a hassle for ppl, unsure tho ahhhh

[leilawoo]

Returning to Tumblr...

After some much needed time away from this site following the untimely loss of my original blog, I think I'm finally up for slowly rebuilding a semblance of what I had before. Although, I don't think there are as many artists on this platform as there used to be, so I doubt I'll be getting back up to over 1000 people to follow.

On my old blog I had an entire About page set up that one could get to on the desktop, but I don't think it ever once got seen so I'll make this a pinned post instead and include some short info below the read more.

I go by either Leila or Lupo. Just default to they/them with me (you can unlock extra pronouns through friendship :3). I've been using Lupo as part of my handle online for the longest time, so if you're looking for one to go with that's a safe choice.

This blog will primarily be filled with reblogs instead of original content, and mostly just of anime art (with sources of course, added by me if I have to). While I don't plan on having explicit stuff here (but it's not a non-zero chance), I'm just going to enforce that this should be considered an 18+ only space. If I think something is ecchi/nsfw/sensual it'll be tagged with #e (for ecchi); other sensitive topics will probably get a tag of some sort too.

#dalle dita del lupo = my text post tag

#dalla bocca del lupo = my ask tag

A little about me:

My most heavy interest is linguistics, specifically historical linguistics / philology, and conlanging. I'd love to talk about anything languages and if you want to know more about my conlangs please ask!

With my interest in languages came also the interest in learning to speak a foreign language. Sadly I am not fluent in any second languages yet. I had 4 years of Spanish in high school but I never used it so I've lost a lot of what I learned. I self-studied German and then Dutch to near B1 level after high school, even getting good enough at the former to understand most of what my German teacher would say when she would be teaching the class entirely in German in my intermediate classes at uni. But like with Spanish I have not used either of these languages consistently and lost a lot of what I gained. My current focus is learning Japanese, which I have been off and on at technically since middle school, but I am now taking it more seriously. Eventually I also want to learn Korean and some Chinese languages.

I got my Bachelor's degree in Cognitive Science with a computational emphasis, but this wasn't what I was accepted for in the beginning. That was Astrophysics. I'd like to return to school sometime soon to pursue higher degrees in CogSci and Linguistics, working toward doing research in what I'm calling Cognitive Computational Linguistics. I worked as a math tutor for community college and high school students for a while during my time as a community college and university student. My favorite subject to tutor was Statistics.

I'm looking to improve at programming in general but I lack any projects that I want to work on (I gained two ideas shortly after I made this post lol. They're both beyond my current ability but hey, they're something to aim for). I also only really know fundamentals in several languages and not enough to actually accomplish significant things with them. To be honest, I could really use an experienced mentor and some challenging projects to work on.

Hmm, not much else to say here. Thank you for reading, and I hope you'll stick around :3

よろしくお願いします～

[skyrim-forever]

A Master Wizard and His Feelings

Hey everyone, because of I've got Neloth brainrot (a subset of my normal Dunmer brainrot) I've written another piece about my oc Rochelle of Evermore and Master Neloth <3 Because who doesn't love two awkward bookworm mages trying to talk about their feelings.

Tagging: @thana-topsy come deal with the consequences of your actions (your Neloth art has given me life and already inspired two other fics <3)

Summary: Master Neloth has had trouble focusing, ever since him and Rochelle pretended to be married, he's been looking at her differently and is forced to concede that he may need to confess his feelings. Rochelle has some past stuff to open up to Neloth about as well.

Words: 3.5k

Warnings: Discussions of past trauma, discussions of grooming, discussions of unhealthy relationships, no flashbacks but could very well be triggering so feel free to skip! No hard feelings if you don't read :)

Deep inside the mushroom towers of Tel Mithryn, Master Neloth was having trouble concentrating. In order to get to the level of Neloth’s skill, one requires great focus and discipline in studying the Arcane; lately, however, he found himself distracted by the Breton woman who had become a permanent fixture of his life. 

Looking up from the tome he had been reading, or rather trying to read but needing to reread each paragraph multiple times to understand it, he eyes her. She’s hunched over all the floor by her bedroll, book open, deep in focus. Whatever he was reading is now long forgotten as he studies her face; she has the front pieces of her short white hair tied back out of her face, as she often did while working, her face scrunched intently reading whatever it was. I shall pick it up after to see what it is he thought. There was always the option of asking her what she was reading but then she would know he was looking at her, or at least paid attention to her long enough to know she was so entranced by something. 

And this was precisely Neloth’s problem, ever since their fake marriage ploy for her sister, he had found himself paying more attention to Rochelle. Much more than he paid to the other members of his house. He noticed how her tea went cold because she was busy reading or listening to him, how she began rubbing off on him; even being able to convince him to start doing stretches for his health. But most of all, he noticed how much he was aware of her absence when she went to Raven Rock on a supply run. He snapped himself out of it, fearing if he stared at her too long he’d never look away. 

Initially he reacted negatively to these feelings, he thought of kicking her out but he didn’t want to go back to how it was with just Talvas and the staff. Avoiding her was out of the question, considering she lived there. Everything boiled down to what he was most afraid of, he’d have to act on these feelings. Though he may be an expert on destruction magic, enchanting and a host of other topics, he was quite clueless on romantic emotions. Shutting the book promptly, he leaves to find Talvas the blasted boy is probably still outside struggling with that spell. 

“Talvas! Talvas” he shouts outside the tower, causing Talvas to fumble the spell he was in the middle of. 

“Master Neloth, I’m sorry I will get the handle of this spell soon I just need-”

“I’m not here to see the spell you fool.” Neloth lowers his voice to say the next part, looking around to make sure no one is within earshot. “I need your opinion on a serious matter.” Likewise Talvas also lowers his voice.

“What’s going on? Is there a plot against you? Should we raise the defenses?” 

“No, no, it’s nothing like that.” Rubbing his temples for a moment and taking a very deep breath, he says it “I have developed feelings, romantic feelings, for Rochelle and I am unsure how to proceed.” A smile beams from Talvas’s face and already Neloth is regretting coming to him for help. Beginning to feel embarrassed, he turns to walk away, muttering “this was a mistake I’ll just kick her out.”

“No no no wait Master Neloth, I, um, I’m not making fun of you. I’m happy for you, Rochelle would be the perfect match for you.” He tries to ignore the comment, but a small part of Neloth’s heart twinges when Talvas says that. 

“How do I proceed?”

“If I were you, I would try to spend some alone time with her, maybe outside of research. Spend some time together and let her know how you feel.” Talvas pauses for a moment, when an idea occurs to him. “She is heading to Raven Rock tomorrow right? I normally accompany her, perhaps you could go with her this time? As a way to spend some time together outside of here.”  Neloth had a puzzled look on his face.

“And leave you alone here? Absolutely not, we’d come back and the place would be in flames!”

“Master Neloth, do you truly think I would accidentally destroy Tel Mithryn?” Without hesitation he answers.

“Yes” Talvas goes to sigh but stops himself, fearing it would be yet another thing he would be chewed out for. Instead he thinks Geez, he really makes it difficult to help him and offers a solution instead. 

��Here I’ll agree to stay out all day that way nothing bad happens so you can spend some time with Rochelle. That work fine for you?” 

“Hmmm, very well. If you believe this is the best way to proceed.” Talvas offers him a smile to which Master Neloth just rolls his eyes. He’ll thank me someday.

It is at dinner later that night that Neloth tells Rochelle he will be joining her instead of Talvas. 

“Talvas has that stack of books to get through so he will not be able to accompany you tomorrow. Instead I will be.” Rochelle finishes the bite of ash yam she was chewing before answering. “That is fine by me. I was planning to spend the night at the Retching Netch, is that suitable or would you prefer to head back immediately after obtaining the supplies?”

“Staying overnight is fine, you know I don’t sleep. I shall bring some work with me.” Rochelle nods in agreement and they finish dinner. After their meal, Talvas stops Neloth, making sure he is out of reach of Rochelle. 

“I don’t suppose that ‘stack of books’ you mentioned was just a ruse?” Talvas smiles weakly at him. Neloth says nothing. “I’ll get right to it, Master Neloth.”

“Make sure you read them outside, as per our prior agreement.”

“Yes Master Neloth”

It is a rare clear morning, or at least as clear as it can get in Solstheim. Looking up at the sky Rochelle could almost make out the sun amidst the thick ash. Neloth was giving Talvas some last minute reminders. In the year and a half Rochelle had been there, she had never seen Neloth leave the grounds of Tel Mithryn. She was impressed he was leaving to accompany her, she intended to pick his brain on the journal she was reading yesterday. It was a journal she found long ago, although after her training with Neloth; she had new insights on what she originally thought were just the ravings of a madman. 

They bid Talvas farewell and started the journey to Raven Rock which would take them until midday to get to. The trip was thankfully uneventful. Ever since she cleared out Fort Frostmoth for Captain Veleth, the rate of ash spawn had gone down significantly. Her arrival in Solstheim was exclusively because she heard there was a Telvanni Wizard there and she was hoping to work in some part with him, primarily because she knew the Telvanni were more.. tolerant of taboo practices then the College of Winterhold, where she was at previously. However, she spent her first few months in Raven Rock proving her value to the citizens. Naturally, being as down on their luck as they were, the people were quite distrusting of outsiders. This led to a long series of events that involved her taking down an undead Imperial Commander, ousting a traitorous family and getting the Ebony Mine up and running again. 

Finally, after all that she was free to go to Tel Mithryn, where she had the pleasure of proving she was worthy of working with Master Neloth. I’ve been on this island for nearly two years, she thought. The climate was harsh, life was dangerous but she had spent her childhood with her Forsworn witch mother and later her noble father in High Rock; so Morrowind was merely a combination of the harsh life of the Reach and the complex politics of High Rock. 

On the journey Master Neloth explained to her the differences between most widely available staffs and Azra Nightwielder staffs, which apparently differed not just in their materials, but also craftsmanship. She liked listening to Neloth, she liked it a lot. Many had warned her about going to Tel Mithryn, saying the wizard there was crazy and reckless. But for Rochelle, she wanted that. She sought ancient and secret knowledge, where others saw recklessness, Rochelle saw genius. You do not uncover the secrets of the universe without going a bit mad, besides she was a bit mad herself. 

They arrived at Raven Rock a bit before midday, thanks to the lack of excitement on the journey. She tells Neloth the list of things to do in town. 

“There is a package of new kitchen utensils and I’ve got to stop by the Blacksmith to pick up some jewelry I ordered.”

“For enchanting?” Is all he says. She nods in return. They stop by the shipyard and obtain the package, the package is not large so it can fit in the satchel Rochelle brought. While walking throughout town, they received many confused glances. At first, Rochelle assumed it was her, but after realizing everyone staring at them were people she knew, such as Aphia Velothi. It was then that it dawned on her, they were staring at Neloth. It made sense, as far as she knew he had not been here since he arrived in Solstheim. That had to be decades ago.

Master Neloth noticed the stares too, it did not bother him, he couldn’t even remember the names of these people, as far as he was concerned they were in awe of him. As they should be, he was likely one of the few individuals in Tamriel who earned his sizable ego. He noticed that when they approached the Blacksmith, he shuddered and avoided looking at Neloth. Even better, he thought. It was better to be feared and respected than loved, or so he had thought. But when he saw the jewelry Rochelle bought, several plain silver rings, he felt compelled to buy her something nicer. She was a member of his house after all, she should be able to wear nice things. 

By the time they are done with their errands, plus the time Rochelle took to talk with the Second Councilor’s wife, it was already dark. 

“Sorry about that, I normally grab tea with Cindiri when I’m in town, I’m not a great conversationalist but she seems to find some comfort in my presence.” Neloth was hungry, he hadn’t eaten nor had so much as a tea since they left. He may be able to go without sleep but food was an entirely different matter. Yet he managed to silence his internal complaining enough, saying only “No matter.” 

Going down the stairs to the main area of the Retching Netch, Neloth is pleased to find they missed the dinner rush. Grabbing a table as far from anyone else as he can, Neloth sits as Rochelle goes up to the bar to order them food. Neloth spies the barkeep talking with Rochelle, talking to her much longer than it would take to simply order food. The barkeep says something that makes Rochelle chuckle, covering her mouth to hide her laughter. He’s not sure what he’s experiencing, it has been centuries since he felt anything like this. She comes to Raven Rock once a week and presumably she stays here each time. Surely he’s not… before he can finish that thought, she returns with two bowls of horker stew, placing one in front of Neloth. 

“Unfortunately the only thing left after the dinner rush is horker stew, I hope that is sufficient.” 

“It should be adequate, it is only for one night.” They begin eating their stew when the barkeep stops by their table, holding a tray with sujamma on it.

“Care to try my special sujamma blend?” Neloth goes to scoff, wondering what his angle is, until he sees Rochelle grab a jar, thanking him. Likewise he takes a jar, taking a swig. By the three, how did he manage to screw up something as fundamental as sujaama? 

Rochelle on the other hand, takes a swig and proclaims it is well-crafted. 

“It’s got a pleasant aftertaste, a slight snowberry taste.” 

“Ah you caught that, always perspective Rochelle. That’s why you’re the best at what you do.” A tint of redness appears on her face, clearly not used to praise. 

“That’s um, quite kind of you Geldis.” The barkeep, Geldis he supposes, takes his leave and Rochelle chugs the rest of her drink. Much to Neloth’s astonishment. He clears his throat. 

“You have managed to adapt well to Dunmer culture, not many outlanders fare well here.” 

“Thank you” she says “It’s nothing new for me.” He cocks an eyebrow at her, intrigued. He knew a bit of her past, she had left what passes as a College in Skyrim, to seek more serious instruction with him; and of course he had met her sister, an ordeal that was. But he realized at that moment that he did not know much about her past. 

“Explain” he states. She looks down, fiddling with her soup spoon. 

“I fear you may think less of me if I tell you.”

“I doubt that will be the case.” Rochelle pauses for a moment then elaborates. 

“I grew up in the Reach, in Southwestern Skyrim.” She looks back up at him. “When I was about 10 or so,  I moved to my father’s estate in High Rock. It was quite the culture shock but I was forced to quickly adapt to the customs of high society.”

“I did not know you were from the Reach, then why were you known as Rochelle of Evermore?”

She laughs a bit and Neloth realizes he likes the sound of her laugh. Normally trivial jokes and amusement annoy him to know end. Foolish drivel to entertain the common folk; but when the laughter is coming from her it is different. It’s different because he is the one causing it, albeit inadvertently. 

“Would you believe Rochelle is not my real name?” Face contorting slightly, he asks. 

“What is your real name then?”

She takes a moment to answer, clearly deciding if she should share this secret. 

“Mochveda, it’s an old family name. I was born Mochveda of the Reach, but my father changed mine and Colette’s names when we moved in with him. Partly to help us assimilate and partly to cover up the fact we were ‘his wild bastards’ from the Reach.” He’s not proud of it, but a part of him is shocked that someone from the Reach could possess such an affinity for magic, magic in humans was already rare let alone in someone from such a primitive place. Not that I should let her know that he thought. He may not be the best with feelings but even he could tell it would be ill-advised to let someone you had feelings know you thought they were from a primitive place. Remembering how she responded to Geldis’s praise, he decided to attempt it himself. 

“Not only are you a great mind but you are culturally savvy.” The redness appears on her face, deeper this time and she averts her gaze from him but smiles widely. 

“Thank you Neloth, you’re too kind.” No I am not, he thinks. 

They sit in a comfortable silence as they finish their meal, before Rochelle retires to her room. “You really should sleep occasionally” 

“And why is that?”

“Sleep promotes brain health, also, my mother taught me that dreams are keys to other worlds.” He just looks at her. “Say what you will about the Reach, there is ancient powerful magic there.”

“Perhaps one day I will get to meet your mother.” He attempts to humour her again but receives the opposite reaction, a mortified look on her face. 

“For your sake I hope not.” 

They bid each other good night and Neloth cracks open one of the books he brought. It takes him only a few moments before his mind starts to get distracted. His mind races with conflicting thoughts of knocking on her room door and confessing versus pushing his feelings down and repressing them. In a rare moment, in a day full of them, his heart wins and he finds himself knocking on her door before he can fully process what is happening. 

“Yes Master Neloth, I mean Neloth” Apologies for using his title after he told her it was fine to use first names when they were alone. She had changed out of her black robes into a red cotton dress. He had seen her in sleepwear before but it felt different this time. Perhaps it was the intimacy of being at her door or what he was about to say.  

“Rochelle, may I have come in? I have a private matter to discuss.” She nods and closes the door behind him and the confined space makes Neloth feel like he is going to suffocate. His gaze falters a bit, before settling on her, deciding it is most important to address her directly in order to increase odds of success. Clearing his throat first, he lets it out. 

“Since you have become a fixture in my life and at Tel Mithryn, I have developed feelings for you. Romantic feelings, specifically and I would like to pursue some form of companionship, if you are inclined.” The redness creeps back up to Rochelle’s face, which causes a wave of relief to wash over Neloth. 

“I would like that, I would very much like that.” She continues “but if we are going to have a relationship there is something you must know first.” He gives her space to keep going. “I’ve only had one prior relationship, and it deeply scarred me, so much that I haven’t considered romance an option up until several weeks ago, thanks to you.”

“Do you want to tell me about your last relationship?” 

“It was not right, and I understand that now, I should have told someone what was going on but I was too ashamed.”

“What were you ashamed of?” His voice has an unusual gentleness to it, a gentleness that causes Rochelle to choke up a bit. 

“He was my last mentor, my father hired him when it was clear I had progressed beyond self study. I thought he cared for me but once he got… what he was after he turned cold on me. Telling me I had seduced him, caught him in a moment of weakness and that no one would believe me. I really thought he cared for me.”

“Then he is a fool, simply not worthy of your attention.”

“I know that but he looked at me the way every woman wants to be looked at. Like I was the most breathtaking woman in the world. He nurtured my talent, praised me and called me beautiful; no one has ever called me beautiful before. Colette is the beautiful one,  I am the smart one. I prefer to be valued for my mind but there’s a part of me, a part which I loathe, that wants to be beautiful.” She sighs before continuing “I know it wasn’t right, what he did, I was far too young for that kind of relationship, and even so he was an authority figure, but it felt good to be wanted.”  There is a moment of pause between them, not an unpleasant one, until Rochelle spoke again “my apologies, you must think I’m a mess, so emotionally broken. But I say all this to let you know where I’m coming from when it comes to relationships and… I want to try something with you; but I need to know it will be different this time.” Tears begin to form in her eyes “I can’t go through that again.” Confessing was already more emotional than he was used to but Rochelle was being vulnerable with him; and he knew how difficult that was for people like them. 

“No need to apologize, going through such a relationship, to be used at a young age, will certainly leave a mark.” Neloth takes her hand in his and gives it a slight squeeze, “to ease your mind I will make my intentions clear. I want nothing more than to spend time with you, in any capacity.” Her eyes have found their way to the ground, so he takes his other hand and tilts her chin up. “And when I return to Vvardenfell I would like you to accompany me.”

“I would like that.” Finding the courage he moves in to kiss her, half-expecting  her to move away, but she doesn’t. A thought starts to form, something about how he should thank Talvas when they return. But when their lips connect, any thoughts either of them had disappears.

[marsipain]

Hey I hope this isn't rude but when you reblogged that post about prosthetics, that post was about how more media should have character who Don't use prosthetics since irl they're bulky and most people do t use them except to make the abled people around them feel confortable (:/). But all the characters you tagged it with All use prosthetics besides the last one who has a wheelchair? I get Misako trying them since she had arms b4, but Lloyd was without them. He'd probably be more comfortable without.. even if in the future theyre better than now that doesntmean every disabled person is gonna use them

Hi! Thank you for sending these asks anon! When I reblogged that post with the tags about the cyberpunk AU, I really only used it as an opportunity to list the physically disabled characters, and wasn’t thinking of writing much about the specifics of what contexts each character uses their prosthetics for (for all the ones that use it) and was more noting it down for later, which honestly, is my fault! You’re right, it was very tone deaf of me and very inappropriately placed. I shouldn’t have brought it up on a post specifically about how physically disabled people feel pressured to use prosthetics by abled people and how it’s pushed to be the norm, and at LEAST provided the information on the characters specifically and how it was relevant to physically disabled people using prosthetics and how abled people around them fit into that picture. I did not provide a nuanced description that does the topic justice, so thank you for pointing it out!

I’m going to attempt to write fully into detail about it here, but with that being said, I am (for the most part) an able bodied individual and will not be able to do as well justice to this conversation as it deserves. I have done my fair share of research on the topic and also got @hiddensneker (who is hard of hearing) to read over this for me and give me a few pointers, but it is still nowhere near the experience and knowledge of all physically disabled people, so if you’re a physically disabled person reading this I would love if you corrected and criticized me on whatever I get wrong and add anything to the conversation you feel is important !

I want to start off by pointing out with that, yes since this is a sci-fi esque setting the technology is much more advanced, and stuff like prosthetic limbs are able to be connected directly to the brain through artificial neurons in the prosthetic limb and to the rest of the nervous system. Like you pointed out however; not all people with missing limbs use prosthetics and that STILL very much applies to this universe regardless of its cyberpunk setting and does show in a couple of the characters in this AU, as I’ve attempted to write a range of different physically disabled characters with different relationships to their prosthetics and/or their lack thereof.

I will be going into depth on all of the characters mentioned in the tags of the post and their relationship to their physical disability and/or their prosthetics separately, and then put some final thoughts and reasonings at the end!

First off Misako! Misako lost both arms (right under the elbow for the right arm and above the elbow for the left arm) in a racing accident in her early 20s. For context (because I haven’t spoken much about her publicly yet besides briefly mentioning her here and there) in this AU Misako does professional racing using the alias Lady Iron Dragon, and is considered one of the most skilled racers to ever live (if not the best) and a legend. She had already significantly built her reputation by her early 20s, so the accident really took a hit on her mentally; racing was her passion, would she still be able to race without her arms? She DID eventually recover, for a while she practiced using temporary prosthetics for racing, but after an eventual full recovery a couple years later and permission from her doctors, she got permanent prosthetic arms installed. This was because she’d lived all her life with both arms already and so she feels more comfortable living with them full time. With how advanced the technology is in this universe, it was always clear to her that this was what she wanted, but I want to acknowledge that if this wasn’t set in such a technologically advanced universe, she would not (and probably could not as flawlessly as I described here) install permanent prosthetic arms.

Now for Lloyd! In this au, Misako gave birth to lloyd in her early 30s, which is around 10 years after she herself lost her arms in the racing accident. He was born without his right arm (right below the shoulder and down.) When growing up, Lloyd was mostly kept away (but not forced away) from prosthetics, mainly because both Misako and Garmadon did not want him to think that he needed them to properly function in society (because he doesn’t) (and also that they would love him regardless.) When he grew a bit older he started becoming more and more interested in certain hobbies, starting with ring fighting (but mostly just training with his dad) which he had a prosthetic arm specifically designed for and later racing, which he also got an arm specifically designed for. When he grew a little older he developed a love for music (especially electric guitar and keyboard) and got a prosthetic designed for that! Outside of that he doesn’t use prosthetics very much (if at all.)

Now for Pixal. Pixal was born with a rare heart disease that there were no known cures for. Her father (Cyrus Borg) was distraught and desperate; none of the doctors knew what to do, no medical professional had any idea of how to help his daughter. With nowhere else to turn, he took on the task of helping his daughter himself using cyborg technology (his profession) together with his coworkers (?) He was eventually successful in helping her, and although it doesn’t show much on the outside (unlike her father) she is a cyborg! The purple markings on her face and arms (and perhaps other parts of her body) are simply aesthetic choices; glowing tattoos, if you will (there are a couple other characters with this that aren’t cyborgs, for example Skylor and Cole, as well as any Anacondrai Ring member who have a glowing snake tattoo on their back.) As you can see, while Pixal does not have any prosthetic limbs per se, she does have prosthetic parts inside her. This is not the same as Misako, Echo/Mr. E, Kataru and Lloyd’s situations however, because she cannot live without it.

Zane’s situation is similar but not identical to Pixal’s. He was discovered by his (later adoptive father) Dr. Julien as a young child in critical condition; barely able to move his body due severe chronic pains. This happened due to not having the resources as a homeless person to get treatment for his chronic pains (that were caused by injuries sustained living in the shadier parts of ninjaglow.) Dr Julien helped him by taking him home and altering parts of his body using prosthetics, completely getting rid of his chronic pains (at least for a while, he may have needed updated parts when he got older due to his body growing but his prosthetics not growing, as well as additional fixes and updates from now and then.) As you can see, it was not a choice to get the prosthetic parts; for he would have to either live every day in pain and unable to do basic tasks (for his chronic pain does not have a known medical cure outside of cyborg technology) or simply die due to how extreme his chronic pains had become. I also feel that it is important to note that Zane completely consented to becoming a cyborg, and that he and Dr. Julien had several in-depth conversations about it. (PS. No his face is not a screen built into his face, that is a mask.)

Echo/Mr. E is quite similar to Zane’s story. Dr. Julien found him abandoned in an empty alleyway (age 6-7) with a large slash on his throat. I’m not going to get too carried away with the specifics of his story (mostly because I have content planned around it) but just know that the injury was caused by another person and was not an accident. Dr. Julien took him in (this was a few years after he adopted Zane) and discovered that the slash had severely damaged Echo’s vocal cords, and that he was rendered mute. Echo begged Dr. Julien to help him, to find him a way to speak again because he loved speaking, he loved being vocal and it was a big part of him! Dr. Julien caved and started working on a device for him, and after many years of hard work he finally managed to create a voice box that Echo could strap to his throat that would make him able to speak (he was around 11-13 at this time.) Through the years of not having a voice, Echo used sign language with Zane and Dr. Julien (and everyone for that matter), and discovered that there were other ways to express himself without having a voice (facial expressions, body language, signing etc) and that he would be able to live a fulfilling life whether he ever got the voice box or not. He also continued to use ASL (or NSL? Ninjargon sign language? lmao idk) to communicate even after getting the voice box, and remained even more bodily expressive as a result of his time completely without his voice. It is important to note that this voice box is not a prosthetic (since it isn’t an artificial body part) but an assistive device (proving similar use as a hearing aid for example.) But was still mentioned because being mute (from any cause that isn’t self-afflicted regulation) is a physical disability.

Last but not least we have Kataru. Same as Echo I have yet to talk much about their story before meeting Zane, and that’s because I do have plans to make content surrounding it! So I wont be going into what happened before they met (and were adopted by) Zane. Kataru and Akita were homeless and barely scraping by. Kataru has lumbar spinal stenosis (which is basically a narrowing of the spinal canal, compressing the nerves traveling through the lower back into the legs), and due to being on the streets without treatment for [insert time between 1-2 years] it drastically increased in severity, causing complete paralysis of his legs. Because of this Akita had to act as their provider. They were barely scraping by with what they had, and without any money to treat Kataru’s LSS, things were looking bleak. Eventually they were adopted by Zane after meeting through [redacted], and were then able to treat his LSS. IRL there is no cure for LSS, only treatments, but in this universe you get it cured using mechanical parts (aka becoming a cyborg,) but Kataru chose to not do this, 1. because he doesn’t really mind using a wheelchair as transportation and 2. He doesn’t really fancy becoming a cyborg at all. He’s just fine the way he is (kind of like the star trek character you mentioned in the second ask!)

This AU is very important to me, and it’s also important to me that the characters and concepts I choose to include in it are done well and done justice. I’ve read articles about cyberpunk 2077 (reminder that this au isn’t directly connected to this game, I’m just bringing it up because its very relevant to this topic) and how it handles cyborgs and artificial body parts. I want to make sure that this AU does not follow the same mistakes as cyberpunk 2077 (and its predecessors in the genre) as a fellow cyberpunk themed universe.

Director of cyberpunk 2077, Adam Badowski, made this statement during E3:

“This is cyberpunk, so people augment their body. So the body is no longer sacrum [sacred]; it’s profanum [profane]. Because people modify everything, they are losing their connection to the body, to the meat,”.

In the wonderful and insightful article “Disabled Representation in Video Games and the Cyberpunk 2077 Problem” written by Elizabeth Rogers, she replies to this statement with

“And this is what insults me, as a disabled individual: the implication that we are less than human, that the relationship to our bodies is now profane, because it contains artificial parts. For many of us, the choice to include said plastic and metal bits and bobs is not really a choice at all. PICC lines and portacaths, insulin pumps and feeding tubes. You could argue that choosing to get an artificial arm or leg is a choice, but for many, it’s between not being able to walk and regaining movement and freedom. These are devices that allow us to achieve a degree of normalcy, one that we couldn’t before their implementation.”

This is what I’m trying to do in the Ninjago Cyberpunk AU. I’m attempting to show that these augmentations to the character’s body’s are directly done so that they can live out their lives to the same extent as an abled individual; to follow their passion, to persue their hobbies. And yes, it’s also partially to explore how a more technologically advanced universe would look like, but not for the spectacle like cyberpunk 2077, but to truly show how much it could help people physically disabled people, and to show the nuance in how people would or wouldn’t use that technology to express themselves without directly romanticizing the concept. The body is not profane because one adds “non flesh” to it, and it does not make it less sacred to do so either. While I understand that often in the cyberpunk genre it simply explores how humans in general would implement cyborg technology into their bodies and how that would affect society as we know it, in the Ninjago Cyberpunk AU I am specifically using it to explore how it’s an opportunity for a normal everyday life for physically disabled people, not only through a more advanced technological standpoint, but also in a society more accepting and respecting of the physically disabled people themselves. (And I hope to be able to casually implement that into content I will create surrounding this AU in the future.)

These are all important details I definitively should have mentioned in the tags of where I originally brought all of this up (or better so, made its own post about it in the first place) and it was never my intention to make it sound like I was completely disregarding the contents of the post in which I added the tags in. It was an unfortunate and unintentional misstatement, and I see now how easy it is to interpret the tags of the post as directly offensive. I was never aiming to make it come across that way; I never considered how bad it would look without all the information I held about the characters and their individual relationships to the prosthetics they use, (and while this isn’t an excuse) I was just excited to share with you all these sides of the characters that I had yet to mention, but failed to notice how bad it truly sounded without knowing the full context I guess? I hope that makes sense. I’m trying to create a narrative with multiple physically disabled characters, all ending up with a range of different stories and different connections to their prosthetics or their lack of thereof. It’s now very clear to me that when you read out the list of characters that I tagged in that post, it comes out looking like the complete opposite of that, and that’s completely my fault.

I hope I managed to explain it well enough anon! If you still have criticism, feel free to send in another ask (as many as you wish for that matter) and that also goes for any physically disabled person who has thoughts on this!

[nottoxicfr]

Hi. so this is probs gonna be a long ask which i apologize for bc i'm a complete stranger LOL but i've been thinking about your dragon install concept since i saw it last night and i wanted to give you my full opinions on it bc i didn't want to blast your notifs with a wall of text in tags

so, for my personal thoughts (because i definitely think we have overlapping interests here esp since you brought up burning godzilla as an inspiration in that post and godzilla vs destoroyah is one of my favorite movies), i think if i were going to draft a scenario where sol is taken over by the FoC, i'd definitely lean into a more biological feeling, if that makes sense. my main hooks for this thought process are 1. while i can't speak on sin devil trigger bc i haven't played any devil may cry games, that is sort of what burning godzilla had going for it (and godzilla as a series hasn't been adverse to leaning into a more body horror adjacent focus with the king of the monsters, ie with shin godzilla) and 2. i think it makes a really interesting thematic parallel to justice. because obviously justice is like, she isn't a machine strictly but she does have a distinct bio-mechanical element to her, so i think its interesting to make a full gear sol go in the opposite direction and have a more visceral element to his design, if all that makes sense

if this comes off as like, rude or unsolicited at all i do sincerely apologize ^-^; bc i do like your concept a lot! i just have a lot of thoughts on this particular topic and i'm excited to see someone who's as interested in dragon install stuff as i am. peace up

Hey there! I don't get asks very often, so I'm pretty happy to be able to answer any of them.

I think you're right about a Full Gear Sol Badguy needing to lean into the biological features to contrast against Justice being so heavily bio-mechanically designed. She's a big Evangelion (which features beasts being bound in armor) reference in Xrd, whereas I think Sol should be something more like Godzilla or maybe Ultraman. A Kaiju, but depending on the circumstance I think he'd be designed with a more severe sense of horror (if he's a villain) or something a little more subtle (if he's still Sol). Either way, I think he leans into his Overture Dragon Install! Sort of like what you might get if you were to try and design an apex predator.

In the situation where Frederick becomes Justice, or whatever name you'd call him, I would think of a design that suggests that the fire is burning him from the inside out, which I guess is sort of body horror-esque? It would be inflicting a constant pain on his body, which would only serve to make him a more aggressive Command Gear, alongside being possessed by the Pope and blowing up Japan.

I did actually do a Sol-Justice swap once. I tried to make him look like a furnace being overrun by fire! His arms were made of fire. There's parts of that present in the Kaiju Sol too, because I have a tendency to design Sol's more monstrous forms like a physical shell being overwhelmed by its contents!

Admittedly, I'm not a Sol expert. Still, for someone like Sol who strives to keep his innards really far from the surface, something like that would be terrifying to experience. It's more important to be scary to him than it is to the "audience," I think.

"The Flame of Corruption exceeds even this physical vessel," is the description I think I used to describe the way fire explodes out of him, rather than just burning like a Charizard. Though, I should clarify and say the design isn't necessarily caused by the FoC overrunning Sol Badguy's human soul. He's still Frederick/Sol! He's just very on fire.

If I think about the Flame of Corruption as a sentient force influencing Frederick, then I think that the overlay of them would probably affect his psyche. However, if he keeps a cool head, then he'd be able to manage the form.

The design was influenced by the Kaiju fights in FFXVI, specifically Ifrit. At one point he fights a mountain! I thought to myself, "I wish Sol could have fought that giant form of Justice like that." I'd recommend looking up the fight, if you aren't saving the game for later. It's super cool, and if you like Dragon Installs, I think you'll see where the design comes from.

I really want a Guilty Gear Action Game while ArcSys is focusing on GG's franchise growth.

I'm glad to find people who enjoy Dragon Install! All my designs featuring Dragon Install designs do particularly well, so it's good to know we aren't alone.

Thank you for the ask!

[idyllic-affections]

Greetings!

Hi, it is I, the person who you (now formerly) know as 🐉Anon! Was quite subtle with my anon moniker wasn't I? Eheh...

 Anyhow, Yeah, so this is me. You may have seen me among the people liking your posts! 

If you wanna, feel free to check out my blog. You… won't see much, save for some reblogs and my atrocious tagging on one of them LOL. I've got plans to post stuff there eventually, just not really sure what I wanna cook up, and the motivation for it also has its way of popping up at inconvenient times (example: I have a part-time job, and motivation tends to pop up then 💀). Okay, that first bit was kind of a lie, I know the kinds of things I wanna post about (those things being mainly OC-related stuff, as well as some fanfiction if I’m able to get myself to actually write my ideas out), I’m just having trouble figuring out where to start. I was thinking I should probably make a sorta “introduction post” before anything else, but I’m still figuring that out, among other things with this whole blog thing. I’m honestly pretty new to this sorta thing, hehe…

But that’s beginning to get off-topic! So anyway, yeah! Happy to join the moot crew, I look forwards to seeings the things you’ve got in planning, and maybe sharing!

As a sorta special something for you, the other moots, and the remaining emoji anons (if they wanna) to participate in, allow me to pose a little query for the community.

What is a fandom that you enjoy very much, but don’t really write for, or simply don’t talk much about for whatever reason?

For me, I’d have to look to my current hyper-fixation (as well as just in general being a childhood fav of mine), Transformers! Where I start with this one? It's kind of hard for me to put into words just how deeply this one in particular has touched me. I've It’s just such a truly incredible franchise with that is packed to the brim with many lovable (and extremely hateable), vibrant characters, and phenomenal stories across the numerous continuities crafted by countless very skilled writers tackling deep and often dark themes, and it honestly just has such a special place in my heart. And hey, the basis of a setting following the struggles of two faction of a race of shapeshifting alien robots and literal eon spanning war does have a certain flair to it, no?

But I’ve rambled on long enough now, haven’t I?

Until next time!

i meant to answer this sooner BUT!!!!!! i am here now!!!! YOU. YOU WERE ONE OF THE "blorbo from my notes" PEOPLE, SOMEONE WHO WAS ALWAYS LIKING MY POSTS HAHA don't worry. you were not the only non-subtle emoji anon LMAO

that is so real and valid, motivation just does pop up at the worst of times. it's happened to me in the middle of standardized tests and other timed events before. it is both a blessing and a curse! introduction posts are a pretty good place to start, i think. but take your time fr it can be hard to figure out where and when to begin!!!

ohh for me, it might very well be voltron: legendary defender, or something of the like! i have a lot of fandoms i just Don't talk about, and there's really no reason why--i just don't. or it never comes up in conversation HAHA i also like gravity falls and good omens, things of that nature. i don't have the attention span to finish supernatural but i was into it for a while! but honestly that is so real, i have similar feelings about vld. i should rewatch it. it was a fundamental, formative experience for me in middle school. this shit is why i'm into hsr /hj........ but it is very dear to me!!!! there is a special place in my heart for the paladins <3

[ohgodimafraud]

snzfet discourse/setting boundaries

This has been bothering me for such a long time, but I haven’t had the time to sit down and write it out, so if you’re not interested in snzfet discourse pls move on. That’s also the theme of this post.

Last month (I think?) I saw a thread about hot takes being taken down by a few people who were saying it’s ruining their safe space. The replies on the thread were like “hot take I like mess.” “Hot take I hate mess.” “Hot take, I hate baby talk in fics.” “Hot take I like stifles or hate them.” “HOT TAKE I LIKE THE CHOO BETTER TTHAN THE AHHH” 

It was people literally expressing their opinions and personal preferences. And people became angry and personally offended.

We are all adults here. If you have problems setting boundaries for yourselves, that is a YOU problem. You don’t get to harass others into taking down a harmless post about general preferences and possibly unpopular opinions. Two people saying they don’t prefer a long buildup or some shit when 60+ other ppl like it should not cause extreme drama. I don’t know who these people think they are like “I feel upset by a topic bc of my own personal issues so YOU and EVERYONE ELSE are the problem.” 

It’s one thing to say hey can we please tag emet in this community since it’s a big trigger for many ppl. That’s so reasonable. Can we tag mental health stuff. Can we tag the panorama discussion. What’s not okay is to say, hey can you not say your personal opinion on Ah Choo bc it makes me feel sad :/ That’s called like scroll past.

I think people don’t understand what setting boundaries is. It’s not telling people what to post. It’s saying to yourself, this upsets me and I will scroll past. I will mute these tags. Maybe I will block this blog for a week. It is your responsibility as a fully grown adult to do this, and if you can’t, then probably you should seek help. i’m in therapy it does gr8 things. I literally hear family members talking about the most queerphobic things constantly and have to set my boundaries by leaving the space or putting in headphones. I don’t want to hear that someone saying i like cough sneezes makes you feel icky inside and the person who said they like it is EVIL

This is tumblr. Everyone is entitled to having their own blog with their own posts, thoughts, stories, and opinions.This is not the sneeze fetish forum. (Also even the sneeze fetish forum had a snake pit for venting and objectively I have never seen anything like that happen on snzblr.) If you want a moderated space, go to the forum. I was a mod for like 5+ years, and there has always been some sort of preference topic, likes/dislikes, turn ons/off topic on the forum. This is nothing new. I swear to god my brain cells were killing themselves reading the discourse around such a mundane topic. Literally go touch grass.

You make your own safe space by following people you like, by contributing positively to the community, by blocking content you don’t like. You make this space unsafe for others when you dogpile them into deleting their content.

[jovenshires]

Hey the new Ianthony edit? Made me emo as fuck it really had me in my feels very cool.

I didn't see it on the 'smosh' tag? Idk if that's intentional thought you should know if it's not <3 -dot hell anon

TYSM i had so much fun making that one so im glad <3333

ah yeah... that was intentional. old habits die hard i guess? this got a little away from me so i put my extremely long rant under the cut, but tlwr: i try not to tag a lot of shipping stuff as /smosh.

see, i'm not new to the smosh fandom, but i am relatively new to THIS version of the fandom. i came back a couple of months ago but my real heyday was in like. 2018-2020. and we had pretty set rules for how we went about things, and one of the BIG ones was to never put anything ship-related in the main tags (those tags being cast names and the main smosh tag itself).

this was for a couple different reasons; first of all, some of the actual smosh staff was on tumblr (the official smosh blog for one, and i think one of the cast used tumblr at the time?? not sure on that one though as i Cannot remember), and we didn't want them to have to view rpf of themselves in spaces just generally meant for posting about them/their company. like say courtney, for example, goes into the 'courtney miller' tag - there's a difference between seeing a post about her bit in the new tntl and a post about them. fucking ian nasty style. not that there's anything wrong with the latter, just that i am very conscientious about not showing the real person fiction to the real person(s) in question, as was a lot of the smosh fandom.

second of all, not every smosh fan is into rpf. our venn diagram is not a circle. there was a time when i was not a part of the venn diagram. it's why i try to tag every post with 'shipping' and/or 'rpf' when it even vaguely hints at the stuff, so that not everybody has to see it. this isn't exclusive to this topic - i would do that for anything divisive. so, yeah, casual smosh fans scrolling the main tag probably don't want to see my silly ship edits, and i get that!!

since i've returned we obviously have a much different fandom culture - the old smosh blog shut down years ago and i'm fairly certain none of the cast checks tumblr anymore (and if they do and they're reading this: i'd like to apologize and beg for them to block me for both of our sanities). i've also made a few exceptions to my own rule, such as with the incorrect tweets bc i think those can mostly be written off as jokes and the lil au edits though i regret that at times. (i've been considering un-tagging those for a while tbh.) i've also realized recently that the tag 'smosh fic' just gets sorted directly into the 'smosh' tag which is. a pain in the ass. that's not what i said tumblr and you know it. so some of my content has been filtered in there. but you'll notice with the lil clips and text posts i post and stuff i almost never tag it as 'smosh' because. i just don't need people to see it ya know. i've got my people here and that's enough for me <3

that is all to say by the way that the new fandom culture is not BAD. as we all know, i'm very pro-rpf, so seeing rpf out there is great (as long as you know it's not tinhatting etc etc). we also have a very diverse community now with a lot of interesting ships and great fics that i would never have found without casually scrolling through the smosh tag!! it's also easier nowadays to block tags than ever; casual fans can just block the 'shipping' tag and have (relatively) easy access to the smosh tag. so please all of you keep doing you - i'm not your mother and i don't expect you to listen to lil ole me where i live perched up on my soap box. BUT idk if i personally can get over my hang-ups about tags.

[doyouremem8erme]

You should probably take the Dead Dove tag off of "There Will Be A Price To Pay." It's a very good Angst story, but I almost missed out on it because I don't like Dead Doves. Thankfully the art you had attached on the post had that third picture with a recovering Marcy, so I scrolled to the end to check.

Sorry if this is a rude way to say this. I don't know the right way to make humble suggestions.

I really enjoyed reading it, and I look forward to the rest of that series! I hope this was the right way to talk to you about it. "Hopeful Ending" might be a good tag to add instead for the benefit of anyone who stumbles across it in the future.

the use of that tag doesnt necessarily mean "this has some seriously fucked up smut in it" like you see it used certain stuff but rather "hey im serious about the rest of these tags, if you read this and are still upset by it, thats your problem." it's pretty much up to author's discretion, and given that a few of my friends elsewhere were pretty disturbed by what i was writing, i thought it was worthwhile to stick on it.

fanlore article on the topic

i will tag "hopeful ending," though! ty for the suggestion. it might be worthwhile to stick "no smut" on there too if people think dd:dne may be there for that.

[some-pers0n]

penitenziagite for disco elysium is really good if you haven't read it. 23k words.

Oh that sounds cool! Lemme just get ready...

Okay, got ready. I've got a bowl of popcorn and two cans worth of ROOT BEER!! in a pickle jar. Big thing. Anywho, this'll be my thoughts and reactions cause I like doing those. Let's start.

So to begin, sick title. I thought it was some kind of drug I've never heard before, but no! Latin! That's cool! A bit of a nightmare to type out, but it's chill it's cool.

Let's look at the tags– holy shit it's a genfic??? Oh let's go! Not to be an annoying person, but personally I like Kim and Harry's dynamic as being platonic, with MAJOR amounts of tension and awkwardness from both of them at certain points. I think at some points they've been sexually attracted to each other, but it's mostly died down (especially in Kim). They both are better as partners anyways. Being in a relationship kinda messes it up a little. Harry is still a mess at times and yearns and gets a little jealous and insecure if Kim ever gets a boyfriend, but y'know that's just how Mr. Tequila Sunset is. They're just guys <3

Anyways anyways, back to the fic. No more rambling. I just like genfics.

Tags...tags... Hurt/comfort, heavy on hurt. Sounds good. Also, vaguely pre-relationship. I dig it. Coolio. Implied and also explicit suicide attempt? OOOH!! CASE FIC!! YESS LET'S GO!! God I love case fics so much. I love writing the characters doing things they would in canon. I gotta do that more for the mercs, it's so fun. Oh and also child death. That part spooks me.

For characters, all 41st Precinct guys. Plus this name I don't recognize... One quick Google tells me he's the head boss. Cool!

Anywho, let's get to reading.

OH SHIT THE SUMMARY OH GOD

Notes :] Lil' description of the word + an apology for what they've done.

Okay– probably should switch off my music to something more for reading. Less words. Maybe white noise or just ambient stuff. Eh, why not the soundtrack of the game itself. It's topical.

Actually beginning now, let's go.

Kim POV to start with, nice.

Aw no Kim :(( Poor guy

So he's in a prison? The summary did mention that Harry was in one for killing Cunoesse. Let's see.

Aww no Harry :(( He's just a guy who killed a child :((((( He don't need to spend that long in solitary confinement :((

Harry freaking everyone out cause of him talking to himself is so silly I love him

Ahh so this is the aftermath of that one bit where you can shoot Cunoesse in the game. I dunno why that took me so long for it to click. Kinda obvious. Ohh that's really fun to think about.

Impressive memory to remember that even after five years. Then again, even after his amnesia, Encyclopedia chimes in for the most random of trivia. Harry just remembers the little things. Also, hey, he said "Books". That's Encyclopedia! The silly!

Oh this is gonna be good I can feel it in my arteries.

Man Kim just can't get a break from traumatic things related to guns happening to his partner.

Ahhh I see. So Precinct 41st drags Harry out of solitary confinement in order for him to solve an old case. Neat. I assume this is cause Harry has solved like two, three hundred cases and is their last hope.

So Trant comes by and visits, eh? Just to take notes on Harry's psyche? Considering from the author's note, I'm willing to bet it's for nefarious purposes. Mayhaps HE is the murderer!! (Spooky)

EGAISGWISG– KRAZ NO WAUGAHA– It's like a coin toss between that being Rhetoric or the actual voice of Kraz Mazov himself in Harry's head hrjsgdiehe–

So he refuses?.. Curious...

"I have a lot of friends!" – Guy who has been locked in solitary confinement for five years and has been known to talk to himself. Ehosgeiesysh this is so silly I love this already.

Crownhead that's Volition definitely.

THE LONE "Ah." FROM KIM HELAHEIEGEU–

Ah so in this run of sorts, Harry drank and was high. Neat since whenever I play DE I'm always straight edge and sober. I can't let Kim down :(( But it does make sense for here cause. y'know. he shot a kid

Oh SHIT! Poor Harry man like :(

COACH LET'S GO!!

Aaannnddd they're off!

God it's really interesting. I adore the idea of Harry's ability to contain himself whittling down as he spends time in solitary confinement, being incredibly open about his thoughts and not really being exactly able to contain them. God that's such a cool premise. Oughhh 500 billion kudos and 100 million comments of praise to the author NOW for just the premise alone.

Obsessed with how Done Kim is with Harry. Of course he would be. It's in-character, both in canon and in this AU. It's still goofy. I love this characterization a lot :]

Oh yeah that makes sense cause Kim doesn't do his thinking like that, preferring the pen and pad. Of course he wouldn't relate to psychosis and or OSDD.

I wonder who Honey is. Thespian is obviously Drama, but Honey eludes me. If I were to wager a guess it's some Moterics skill. Bleeding Heart is probably also Pain Threshold.

...is Bleeding Heart really Pain Threshold? Eh, let's find out.

Ohhh I love a little dramatic irony. "The Union did it" :]

Ahh so the Tribunal still happened. Aw.

Puzzleface :) Love Logic.

Interestin', Kim working between both Precincts. I was wondering how they'd explain the reason a guy from the 57th was working with a guy from the 41st.

Rejects and losers. Of course he'd fit in.

THE GANG!!!!

I don't trust you Trant.

Harry :(( Good God he's in terrible shape. He's just shaking like a scared dog. He's terrified of his colleagues. He's definitely very aware of the person he was before the amnesia, which makes it even worse. Poor guy..

Anon you're so right I do love this fic.

Trant is suspicious. He's giving off super Not Disco vibes.

Trant is either the murderer, is helping the murderer, or is a centrist/ultraliberal. Nobody acts like that and is a normal person. He's too...nice.

JEAN WHDIEGSHS– ahhh good ol' Jean and his fucking love for using fucking swears at every fucking moment possible for fucks sake. Love him.

Trant gives vibes of evil neurotypical vibes, that's what.

PALE MENTION PALE MENTIONED LETS GO I LOVE PALE LORE I LOVE THE IDEA OF HARRY BEING A MAGPIE I LOVE PALE LORE!!!!

Soo... I know it's early to call shots, but I'm thinking: why is Trant doing this? He's gotta have ulterior motives. If he's researching pale and it's effects by studying Harry, why is that? I'm under the assumption that he's at least involved with the murders somewhat. It's mentioned that, every time discussion dries up about the RCM being shitty at their job, another person dies. Somebody is trying to sabotage the RCM. For what? Political reasonings? Who knows! Let's find out.

Yayyy Trant knows the voices too!

"Innocence alive" is a fun phrase. Like it.

Trant loves Harry like he's studying a bug I love it.

Intrusive thoughts Du Bois here. He just sees a razor and some voices just go: "KILL YOURSELF NOW!!" which honestly. Yeah. That's what happens in the game.

I have a terrible feeling that all of this talk of Harry being prone to harming himself is going to come up later. It's gotta. That's how this works. Oohhhh God....

Annndd to detective work!!

"You're not a stranger to this kind of...thrifting." I adore all of these lil' gestures to the game. It's so fun. Harry is just a hobocop give him a break. He loves stealing random clothes he finds.

Harry :((

Bathroom scene oh boy. The root of homosexuality

HE'S DISSOCIATING NOOOO HARRY MY BOYY PLEASEEE Ohhh God he's so fucked up from jail he needs every nice warm hot bowl of soup

Harry no. Don't look at the razor like that. No. Please god no. It's so tense.

TWENTY ONE FOR IT??? JESUS CHRIST Harry please god almighty.. Oh my god... Just the thought of virtually every thought in Harry's head clamoring for him to take the razor and kill himself is just. HOOOHHHH BOY....

There's scars on his throat :(

Centipede? I can't think of which one that'd be. Maybe HE? Perhaps Savoir Fare? Hm.. Same with The Critic, though that one could be Conceptualization.

Kim, the crowd of inhuman beings is real, don't worry about it :)

Eepy time :]

Hooh!! Notes!!

Oh that's who The Critic is? Shivers? Harry did refer to it with she/her pronouns, which, yeah, makes sense since it's the spirit of Revachol

End of chapter. Kudos kudos kudos kudos kudos kudos kudos k–

"Good morning! ...hello, Harry." I love Judit so much. She's a sweetheart

Hooh! Crime scene!

Love seeing Harry be so open about his voices. It's so fun and neat.

Ohhhh shit the voices.

Party Animal. 100% gotta be Electrochemistry.

So, what we know: the victim was most likely sedated beforehand. If there was no struggle, that means that were incapacitated. The sedative is subtle and takes a keen eye and knowledge in order to identify. How do the bullets exactly fit in...hm...

EYES MENTION

Ah, so that's the bullet. They're sedated and then killed with a square bullet. Square bullet... I don't think I exactly believe it. The perpetrator must be doing something odd. Perhaps they are EXTRACTING THE PALE FROM WITHIN THE BODY VIA LOMBOTOMY!! And you know who else is interested in the pale for potentially nefarious purposes??? That's right, Traunt!! (/lh /j)

See yeah! Harry's speaking my language! Looks less like a bullet and more like a tool. An extraction tool!!!

Oh like a stun gun. That makes sense. Stun gun, bolt gun, all the same, really.

Perhaps it is TRANT selling these incense things to people as aromatherapy in order to harvest them!! I always knew Trant was into pyramid schemes for EVILLL!!

Aww Harry's happy :]

Aww Jean no :(

Yeah I think it's reasonable for Jean to be pissy with Harry. He's a shitty person when he left and killed a kid when trying to work on a case that he just abandoned for a long while to fuck off and try killing himself. Jean is upset enough at Harry even without the child murder. He's ballistic now with him being here like he didn't kill a kid and has been in prison for five years.

Harry is like a sad old dog that's been left shivering in the rain for most of his life. Poor guy...

NOO HIS WRISTSSSS GET THEM OFF GET THEM OFFF

For a second I thought he was gonna pull of soft fabric handcuffs. Nah, just makeshift ones.

Kim :] Awww he's so sweet..

"Why am I doing this?" Your kindness and want for Harry's wellbeing is stronger than that of his own suicidal thoughts, duh

"They had other things to do" oh they just straight up hate him. Reasonable honestly.

Bleeding Heart...is it Empathy??? It can't be Inland Empire. Pain Threshold is out the window.

Harrrryyyyy :((

Boogie Street :] Silly name

WAUGHH NOOO MY HEARTTTT EYEESSS NOOOO God the Eyes stuff never fails to get me. Kim being so closed off and jaded because of his death is so. hurtful. My soul..

Harry?

HARRY?!?!

HELP HIM NO THAT'S BAD

JOINTS POPPING?? EUGHH GOD I CAN HEAR IT AND FEEL IT WuagHGHhGhh HELPP HIM KIM

Okay he's better than Delores Dei.

..aw no...Harry... That's why? He got set off by being called detective? Ohh no.. The voices don't think he deserve it. Then again, they don't think he even deserves to be alive, so there's that.

Christ imagine your thoughts being so violent and powerful you go into shock and seize up cause they hate you and whatever is going on so much.

Harry rest please.. Listen to Kim :(

The hell you want Trant.

I don't trust you pasty white guy...

HE PULLS OUT A PEN WITH ZERO CONCERN I NEED TO MAUL HIM

oh no.

harry please no.

I know there's a chapter left and there's a net zero chance he's actually killing himself here but GOD it's stressful.

So Shivers told him that. Cuno died of an overdose. He would've been thirteen years old. Christ alive...

He does bring up a really good point: Cuno was the only one left who cared for Cunoesse. Everyone else was up in arms about Harry killing a kid that nobody stopped to consider or mourn the death of her. She wasn't a person so much as a victim of police brutality. Cuno was close. Cuno knew her. A part of him would've been torn the second that shot rang in his ears, forever lost as his best friend died before him. It wasn't a game anymore. It was real life. It was real and she was dead. She was dead and nobody but him cared...

God imagine being stuck in solitary confinement like that. You are already a mess. Half of your thoughts wanted you dead or engaging in the worst coping methods possible to ignore the pain of the love of your life leaving you. Then, you lose your memories, and now you're in jail for killing a kid. A child. Every day you're alone with your thoughts. Bombarded with these constantly clashing and arguing voices, all of which only want you dead. Then you've got Shivers and Espirit de Corps like: "Oh btw everyone in the city and your police force hates you"

Anyways back to Harry having a pair of scissors right to his neck. Is there a bigger meaning to the neck? His tie being like a noose is a common motif in the game. Hell, I'd go as far as to say he tried killing himself the night he got amnesia. The way the tie was held up on the ceiling... That or it could just be because it's a clear spot with a major artery that, when severed, is a quick and rather painful death. Eugh, bleugh. Writer disease has kicked in and now my neck feels weird and tight cause of empathy and whatever.

Harry put down the scissors. Please

Shivers wants him to live... My heart..

"Why don't you want me to die, lieutenant?" What if I cried, huh? What then?

He's asking for the cuffs on again.. He doesn't want to die... He's got another reason to keep going

Something to note that I'm a little obsessed over is the inverse of the game happening here. Kim almost always refers to Harry as "detective", while Harry always just called Kim by his name. Inversely here, Harry calls Kim by his title cause he knows that he likes it, as well as Kim saying his name due to Harry having a major breakdown over it. It's just cool and silly :] I like it a lot

HARRY'S CRYING NOOO GOD NONONOOO ohh his mind is going to be like an absolute whirlwind here. Volition is the MVP honestly

It just hit me: Kim doesn't want Harry to die again cause he feels already responsible enough for Eyes. I dunno why it took me that long. Even in my own small writings, I bring it up. Kim cares so, so much about Harry because he doesn't want to fuck things up again. He doesn't want to get terribly attached in case of an emergency, but even in said emergency, he would do everything and more to protect him. Do what he should've done all those years back

Chapter three time, let's go!

Harry please..pleaseee Harry.....

KIMMM NOOOO

The hell you want Trant. Trout. Whatever

The way he's so utterly divorced from reality and just goes like: "Yuh-huh, yeh? He tried killing himself? Ookie pokie :)" is setting off so many alarm bells.

"Imprinting positive memories" Harry has done little more than be yelled at, belittled, and then tried killing himself this entire time. The second he got excited he was shot down.

It is a very messy situation Kim's found himself in. He's the one who decides whether Harry, a severely mentally ill man, gets to either go back to prison or sticks around with him. I can't blame him for being conflicted. Hell, I don't even know what I'd do.

Discussions discussions...

Free Harry!!

And down to the street with all of the incense stuff!

Harry getting constantly compared to being a dog is so silly I love him..

Talking talking,, all sorts of case stuff.

Five years?? Oh that's gonna be important. Maybe it was Harry who bought them before and that's why he was gravitated to them. Since leaving, well, no more buying.

Especially with Logic and Electrochemistry popping up too now, yeah.

BREAKING AND ENTERING TIME!!!

oh right. yeah. harry would be extremely sensitive around guns cause..cause of all of the incident

He's got the Sad Cop copotype.

C'mon buddy, just a lil' pep talk. All gonna be fine. Just don't. die if you hear gunshots.

Trant shush. No. Not a word.

Trant you are so suspicious I refuse to believe it isn't you. It has to be.

It's only a guy with no eyelids. Don't worry!

So Trant isn't the one murdering them. It's this bozo. Understandable. Maybe Trant is just a prick. I still think he's evil.

OH SHIT

OHHH NOOOOO

TRANT ONE OF YOUR MEN JUST GOT SHOT AT LEAST SHOW SOME EMOTION OTHER THAN THAT

Back at the Precinct :]

Oh no it's the boss man.

Evaluation time!!

TRANT NO

Can I kill Trant. Pretty please

OH FUCK OFFFF TRANTTT Petty bullshit I need him to Perish

Okay okay it's fine they're coming to an agreement. Harry is fine. It's chill. Trant please reveal that you've been brain scooping so it's morally okay for me to strangle you

Harry please...

Oh damn

Harrryyy noo..please...

HUG! HUG PLEASEE

God damn they're both touch-starved.

So! Good fic! Liked it! I'm losing my ability to type. Very eepy. Going to. bed.