#HEADCANON┊ ❛ abandon all the stupid dreams about the girl i could’ve been; my dear ❜

[locatcm]

There’s a bit of the infernal permeated in Cynthia’s being because of how long she’s had a pact with Badb, to say it has stained her soul wouldn’t be much of an overstatement and anyone with a touch of a sense for such things could probably tell. Though they wouldn’t be able to tell why. As such, it’s easy to assume she has some sort of demonic heritage rather than a pact that’s slowly losing power. The longer she stays away from her patron the less strong it is. 

But she’s probably never going to seem fully human again.

[doctorgerth]

May I have headcanons about Doflamingo, Lucci, Katakuri, Bellamy, and Kid's respective girlfriends seemingly betraying them for the World Government but then much later, after her mysterious death, it's revealed she didn't betray them and instead protected them

Of course, my dear! This was really interesting to come up with ideas for, and I honestly made it way more angsty than I had imagined, so I hope that’s okay! Also, I left out Lucci simply because he works specifically for the World Government, so I couldn’t think of a way to write a situation for his case. Feel free to send in another Lucci request since I had to leave him out for this one! Or if you’d rather see another character in this same scenario, you can send that in instead. Thanks for such an interesting request and I hope to see more from you, anon! Enjoy ~

*Putting it under the cut, as it is a little lengthy!

An Alleged Betrayal (Doffy, Katakuri, Bellamy, and Kid)

(Angst)

Doflamingo:

- it all plummeted when Diamanté got intel of you working for the World Government

- Doffy just broke into maniacal laughter; how could he be so foolish falling for a treacherous woman as yourself?

- he should have known your loving eyes and kind smile was all a ruse

- you really tricked him, and he actually found that quite amusing

- not only were you capable of making Doffy, a renowned bachelor, fall in love with you, but you also managed to completely pull the wool over his eyes in the process?

- pure rage was all that fueled his veins for the next few months up until the announcement of your death in the papers

- for a while, Doffy wouldn’t even mourn your death

- you were a traitor, a liar, a deceiver

- he would have killed you with his own bare hands had he been given the chance

- he feigned happiness and closure, knowing you got just what you deserved, but he couldn’t shake a certain shameful feeling

- was he ashamed that he wasn’t the one to put that bullet through your head? was he ashamed he couldn’t protect you? or was he ashamed he couldn’t make you actually love him, like he had loved you?

- when word spread that you died protecting Doffy from the World Government, he couldn’t even be thankful for it

- all those months just wishing he could have torn you apart limb by limb, all those months he spent regretting every single second he wasted on your pathetic, lowly life…it was all unjustified

- you were the pure, loving girl he had shamelessly fallen for from the beginning

- rage fuels his veins once more, but it’s a fire that can’t be extinguished until that murderer is rotting in the deepest pits of hell

Katakuri:

- his suspicions on your true intentions began when he had overheard a strange transponder conversation between you and an unknown source

- he wanted to trust you from the beginning, but something in his gut warned him otherwise

- you were too perfect, loved by everyone in his family, even by Mama!

- you created feelings he’s never experienced before, giving him a love he’s always yearned for in a partner

- of course you would betray him; no one is that loving, especially towards a monster like him

- he was completely undeserving of your care for him

- when he had heard that you were leaving for the World Government, he was shattered

- in front of his family, he tried to act like he was unfazed, unsurprised, disinterested

- what was most important was to focus on the trouble the World Government would bring onto his family

- but when he was alone, he couldn’t mask the sheer heartbreak he was going through

- he would take longer time during his meriendas, the deliciousness of donuts never completely satisfying the empty void in his body

- it was hard, he really fell for you, and he wanted so desperately to trust you during the entire relationship

- but, you proved him to be right about his distrust for you, and god he never wanted to be more wrong in his entire life

- at least he was somewhat prepared for this, but hearing about your death made it even harder

- months of suppressing his emotions caused him to lose sleep at night

- everyone grew worried for their big brother, and he grew irritated trying to make everyone, even himself, believe he was okay

- when Brûlée brought the good news: his beloved s/o was never a traitor, you were merely protecting him and his family and died in the process, Katakuri finally snapped

- though it wouldn’t be the first time Brûlée had seen her invincible brother on his back, she was nonetheless disheartened at the reason

- he immediately collapsed, exhausted from feeling so many things at once for so long and from wracking his brain so many times to stow away those emotions into the darkest depths of his mind

- he tried so hard to feel nothing for so long, ultimately making him feel everything at once the entire time

- those last unexplored emotions, guilt, loss, and forgiveness, sat neatly atop the camel’s back, adding to the piles and piles of regret, hatred, and distrust, that was already threatening to make the poor camel collapse

- finally, the back was broken, and so was Katakuri

- he would sleep for days on end, forcing himself into solitude until he could offer you two some closure

- he closed his eyes every night, praying he’d wake up the next morning feeling contentment towards your resting soul

- he found it hard to sleep though, coming to the realization that the “gut feeling” he was so worried about, was actually a gut reminder to give in and trust you, wholeheartedly

- had he done that, he knows you would be alive and going to bed with him every night, just as you had been months ago

- waking up to your loving smile would be the only way to make Katakuri feel at peace with himself again

Bellamy:

- denial is all Bellamy feels

- there’s nothing in this world that can tell him what you did to him is true

- Bellamy puts a lot of trust and loyalty into the people he admires, you being no exception

- he realized the hard way through his disappointment with Doflamingo, but you…you were supposed to be different!

- you two had the whole world in your hands, love and time were on your side, you were going to conqueror the world together

- it didn’t matter how or when, all that ever mattered was that you had each other

- and now you’re just…gone?

- Bellamy refuses to believe it

- the girl he loves, the only person he trusts with his life would never, ever betray him for the World Government

- he wishes he could ask you, he wishes he could have one last conversation with you; closure is all he needs

- but you’re gone, permanently, forever

- there’s no more conversations to be had, no way for you to know how Bellamy still loves you and how he forgives you for everything

- when the truth got out that you had died from protecting Bellamy from the World Government, he had finally smiled for the first time in a year

- it was a broken, tattered smile, almost like he had completely forgotten how to, but it was warm and accepting

- he was right about you all along

- words couldn’t express the gratitude and pure joy Bellamy felt about finally knowing he gave his complete trust to someone so worthy

- it was still difficult to sleep without you, but he could finally rest at night knowing you were loyal to him to the very end

- he makes it a point to live his life in your honor now, making sure he wouldn’t disappoint you for dying for him

Kid:

- many poor towns and innocent civilians have lost their lives from his emotional rampages

- he has been completely lost in his feelings

- on one hand, how the fuck could you ever have the balls to betray Kid?

- on the other, he knows you would never dream of doing that to him…right?

- was he just another pawn in your sick little game?

- was every endearment, every tender, loving word that came out of your mouth all just a lie?

- why would you ever turn him into the World Government?

- he should’ve known a savage, merciless man like himself would never win over a kind and compassionate woman like you

- you were like the sun in the sky, warm, bright, and inviting

- he was like a wild tornado, unpredictable, unrelenting, and severely destructive

- had he pushed you, tormented you beyond repair?

- he could fix this right? Captain Kid can fix anything

- once he found out you were returning home to him after protecting him from the World Government, he was elated

- god he was really going to rip you a new one once you returned to him; he could never fully forgive you for worrying him as much as you had

- but, most importantly, he vowed that he was going to love and protect you unconditionally so you would never abandon him to do stupid shit like this again

- he waited days, and days, and days…

- he grew tired of hearing the phrase ‘no sign of her yet, captain’, to the point that he hardly asked anyone anymore; he searched for you every day and every night on his own

- he spent many sleepless nights listening intently for the splashing of waves against your small boat, your sweet call of his name, signaling your arrival

- but all the sea offered him was a void-like silence

- once the papers hit that you were killed by the World Government for protecting him, he found it hard to forgive you, but mostly himself

- he spent one too many nights drowning himself in countless bottles, wracking his brain to figure out where it all went wrong

- were you in the wrong for leaving without telling him your plans?

- was he in the wrong for being such a ruthless pirate, being the target of many naval ships and officers?

- if he had just been a normal person, you two could’ve settled down in a quiet town, just the two of you, with no threats or worries about protecting the other

- but he wasn’t normal, and you knew that

- you knew exactly what you were getting into when you accepted the invitation onto his ship

- he loved you for your acceptance of him and for your thrill of adventure; he gave you just that during your brief time on his ship

- he tried to remember all the times he told or showed you he loved you, and they existed, few as they were

- the memories brought a smile to his drunken face and he was happy to know that he did something right

- you knew he loved you, that’s why you sacrificed yourself for him

- he wish he could hug you one last time, tell you he forgives you and that this wasn’t your fault

- he always imagines that if he had held you just a little bit closer and a little bit tighter the day you woke up and decided to pick a fight with the government, that you would still be here with him

- the threats would be imminent, but at least you could tackle them together

- now, he has to face things alone

- but he can at last sleep at night knowing he gave his heart to the right woman; that you would own it until he joined you again, wherever you are

[locatcm]

Intimacy is a tool to Cynthia, she claims she’s never been loved (not the way people are supposed to be) and doesn’t know how to. In reality, one night of passion is easier than a continuous relationship, momentary satisfaction is more appealing than the idea of being hurt again and again. To her, it’s weakness, a way to admit she’s human when she’s tried so hard to bury every bit of evidence of what she truly is. One day she might admit she wants to love; when she’s sure she won’t break anyone who sticks around too long. 

[locatcm]

Cynthia is someone who takes pleasure in taking off her make-up, it’s as much of a ritual as putting it on, donning a guise and going into the world as someone else. It’s one of the few times she can actually be Cynthia, instead of some creation or alias she’s made for herself.  It’s a private, intimate moment between ‘me, myself and I’ and to see Cynthia without any sort of make-up or wig is a pretty big deal. 

[locatcm]

Cynthia is touch-starved as fuck, being guarded as hell while trying to escape her patron aside she’s marred with scars and ritual tattoos that most people would most likely recoil at. She’s well aware that she’s most likely unfit for any sort of vaguely relationship, she’s spent too much time with something alien and inhuman, it’s changed her, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t crave something normal and human from time to time.

[locatcm]

In literally any verse, Cynthia’s unable to use the gifts given to her by her patron if only because they tie them together, to use any of those gifts, to harness any demonic energy would be the equivalent of sending a beacon announcing her location. Not a good idea. Her wit and overcautious nature are currently her best weapons, which makes her all the more paranoid.

The only exception to this is the ability to see the supernatural; caused by the event that started most of her problems. As such, she’s grown used to...pretending not to notice somewhat horrific sights. 

[locatcm]

tag dump     

[locatcm]

Cynth’s biggest fear has and always will be that running away is a mistake; that it’s all a secret test of loyalty that she’s failed. That the paltry bit of freedom she’s wrestled from her patron, the only thing she has that might actually be her own, is fake, an illusion and that she’s powerless.