#HE WOULD TOTALLY GO TO A TRAVIS CONCERT

[roseinyoursaltwater]

Aphmau characters most likely to…

Aaron: most likely to have an extensive vinyl collection that is organized so thoroughly to the point no one else can touch it.

Aphmau: most likely to get a meal she didn’t order at a restaurant but will suffer through eating it out of fear of seeming rude to the waiter.

Dante: most likely to get catfished on tinder and would tell his friends he actually met a really hot girl and that it’s the best date he’s been on in years but when his friends start questioning him about seeing her again, he would lie and say she moved or got a boyfriend

Garroth: most likely to get lost a concert venue or stadium and would have to stand with a security guard or employee like a lost child while holding his merchandise waiting for his friends.

Katelyn: most likely to pay in cash everywhere and will complain to her friends everytime they go a cashless attraction or business.

Laurance: most likely to leave a yelp review because he over analyzes his food before eating it or he notices a small health code violation and his fingers are typing away.

Lucinda: most likely to take a mental health day but in all reality she’s getting her hair and brows done, nails done, filler, a wax and spending $500 shopping and getting a Starbucks drink or two.

Nana: most likely to getin a Stan war on Twitter and then get paranoid she’s going to get doxxed and then work up the girls about getting doxxed all for it to blow over two days later and then happen again a month or so later.

Travis: most likely to foster an animal and then try convincing the others they should keep said animal. (This happens every month and it’s hapepened with at least 20 animals)

Vylad: most likely to mention the most random-trauma-inducing-toe-curling-illegal lore to ever be mentioned and it would be mentioned over a nice family dinner which would kill on conversation and create dead air.

Zane: most likely to bond with a middle aged woman in any public setting like would msot deifntely become friends with 45 year old Jen who lives in the suburbs with three kids and a car salesmen husband. They would go brunch or gossip even though they’re total opposites.

[voidvannie]

⋆˚࿔  ꒰ 𝗚𝗥𝗔𝗬𝗦𝗢𝗡'𝗦 𝗥𝗘𝗟𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡𝗦𝗛𝗜𝗣 𝗪𝗜𝗧𝗛 𝗛𝗘𝗥 𝗙𝗔𝗠𝗜𝗟𝗬꒱  𝜗𝜚˚⋆

✦. ── 🎶it's the little things you do that make me want you and the not so little things that make me need you. 🎶 things, maggie lindemann

✦. ── pairing: trevor zegras x grayson kelce

✦. ── main masterlist things masterlist

✦. ── in which . . . we learn more about the dynamic between grayson, her dad, her stepmom and her uncle.

✦. ── feel free to send in any request for things you want to see in this series, or in any of the other series on my page. Or if you just want to share some thoughts about what you read, or if you want to talk about oc's!

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗸𝗲𝗹𝗰𝗲 𝗳𝗮𝗺𝗶𝗹𝘆 𝗱𝘆𝗻𝗮𝗺𝗶𝗰. ⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ ────୨ৎ──── ────୨ৎ────

─── grayson & jason .ᐟ

✦ jason was only sixteen when he learned that his ex-girlfriend michelle was pregnant, and he was seventeen when grayson was born. ✦ after learning that michelle was pregnant, he was terrified to tell his parents that he was going to be a teenage father, but in the end, they were supportive of him. ✦ the thought of having a kid terrified him, yet he was super excited especially after finding out that he was having a daughter and he vowed to protect her with his life. ✦ for michelle, she didn't want to raise a kid so young & had suggested putting the unborn baby up for adoption, but jason was against the idea. ✦ jason made the decision to take care of his daughter on his own, and a week after she was born, michelle signed over all of her parenting rights, leaving him and his daughter. ✦ from the moment she was born, she had jason totally wrapped around her finger. ✦ because he was seventeen when she was born, jason's parents often left him to take care of grayson and the two of them had to grow up with each other. ✦ being the only parent in her life and still being a high school student was hard. when he had football practice and nobody could watch the newborn, jason had to take her with him. ✦ in 2011, when he was drafted to the eagles, his entire team feel in love with the little girl and would often take turns playing with her during practices. ✦ he always dressed her up in eagle's gear and got her a personalized jersey every time she outgrew one. ✦ she was often found at most home games, but she also went to all of his away games until she was either old enough to stay at home on her own, and after jason met kylie. ✦ when she was fifteen, allowed her to get her first tattoo and took her to get it. ✦ jason was supportive when she started posting videos of her singing on her social media and vine (which she was allowed to get once she turned fourteen). ✦ she has a moon tattoo on her knuckles that he drew for her. ✦ during the off-season, he goes to as many of her concerts as he can. ✦ he absolutely loves when he can brag about his daughter, her music and just her career in general. ✦ they don't keep secrets from each other . . . only her keeping her relationship with trevor a secret until she was ready to tell him.

─── grayson & travis .ᐟ

✦ travis was only fourteen when grayson was born, and just like her father and grandfather, she had him wrapped around her finger. ✦ he was at times jason's babysitter when he was grounded or just wasn't able to go anywhere before he could drive. ✦ travis was often seen carrying her around more than anyone other than jason, especially whenever she would cry. ✦ travis loves talking about his niece during interviews whenever she's mentioned. he's super proud of everything that she's accomplished. ✦ travis bought her first car when she was sixteen and got her license. ✦ as she grew older, her and travis grew more of a friendship bond than an uncle and niece bond, often doing out of pocket things that drove jason crazy. ✦ grayson once had a pet goldfish that she named goldie, but travis overfed it which ended up with the fist dying and he had to replace it before she noticed. he's never told her. ✦ she has a star tattoo on her knuckles that travis drew. ✦ travis goes to as many concerts as he can whether that's during the football season or on the off-season. ✦ they are always sending each other goofy text messages & memes that they see about each other. ✦ he took her to the taylor swift concert that jumpstarted his relationship with the country singer.

─── grayson & kylie .ᐟ

✦ kylie and jason met on tinder in 2014, and grayson was one of the first things that jason mentioned to the girl when they went on their first date. ✦ a couple months after they started dating, jason finally introduced his girlfriend to grayson and the two of them instantly adored one another. ✦ grayson had just turned eleven when kylie and jason began dating. ✦ kylie instantly took on the mother roll for grayson, and would often babysit the young girl for jason. ✦ at fifteen, when jason and kylie got married, grayson asked kylie to adopt her for a wedding gift. ✦ grayson has planets on her knuckles that kylie drew. ✦ when grayson and trevor went on their first date, kylie was instantly the first person who she called to tell her about. ✦ kylie and grayson are super close with one another, and though kylie is the only mother-figure in her life besides her grandmother that she had, the two of them also like to gossip like best friends. ✦ grayson was with kylie when she found out that she was pregnant with wyatt, and when the little baby was born, both kylie and jason surprised her with naming the baby after her. ✦ they don't keep any secrets from each other.

[captain-mcdavid]

three times to fall - nolan patrick

word count: 2k

smut: yes | no

summary: three times the reader realized they might have more than just friendly feelings towards nolan.

warnings: steam, swearing, alcohol (this is like the first thing i’ve written here since gpp, so bear with me, it might not be that great)

the first time

It was getting harder and harder to keep track of your group of friends in the crowded stadium, you stumbled along, your head turning left and right frantically as you looked for a familiar face. 

You slowed your pace, mouth twisting in confusion when a finger hooks through your belt loop, yanking you back into a solid chest. “Watch where you’re going,” Lips graze your ear, a recognizable deep voice whispering while hands slide to rest over your hipbones, guiding you through the crowd. 

You turn your head back and up to look at Nolan, his blue eyes zoned in on moving the two of you through the crowd. His hands stay solid on your waist, and the longer they sit there the hotter the skin starts to feel. You pull forward a little more, trying to distance yourself, hoping that maybe Nolan will let go, but his fingers just tighten on your skin making you picture things you really shouldn’t be picturing with one of your good friends. 

Suddenly Nolan jerks you to the left, and if it weren’t for his solid grip on you, you’re sure you would have tumbled over, but thank god you’re able to stay on your feet in his presence. Just literally, though. Definitely not metaphorically. Your mind trips over almost every little thing he does. 

“There she is!” You hear Leah before you see her, she appears as people clear the small corner your friends are tucked into. “Couldn’t keep up?”

She teases you and you feel the rumble of Nolan’s laughter against your back, reminding you just how close the two of you are. 

Instinctively your hand lands on his wrist, and you swear you feel an actual spark.

“We’re gonna head to the exit on 170th, it’s closest to the cars.” Leah says, and you nod.

Your ears are still ringing from the music but you hear Nolan mumble, “Sure,”

And then the group keeps walking, Nolan still behind you, his hands still on your hips and you heart still beating way too fast.

What is happening?

...

the second time

Standing against the wall you watch as the other party goers do shots, acting rambunctious and carefree. A small laugh escapes you when you see Travis throw his beer can on the ground, stomping on it mercilessly for no reason.

Another wave of the loopiness that pushed you to seek space in the first place hits, so you wander down the hall, pushing into the first room with a bed.

It’s clean, but a fast clean. The type of tidying someone does when they’re in a rush. There’s hockey memorabilia everywhere, and when you see the photo on the bedside table you realize that you’re in Nolan’s room. You feel odd being in here but you slouch onto the bed anyway, feeling better as soon as you’re off your feet.

You lean to look at the pictures on the bedside table, smiling at the sly grin Nolan sports in almost everyone of the photos. Since the concert you had been thinking about him more than you should. It wasn’t normal to view a good friend like this, one that you’ve known since elementary school.

You’ve watched him grow up. And somehow you started seeing him less as the goofy kid that kicked everyone’s ass in gym class hockey, and more as a man. A hot man. With a good sense of humour and an extremely charming smile.

“Snooping?”

Your head snaps towards the door when you hear his voice, his lazy grin lets you know he’s not serious so you smirk in response, giving him a nod, your heart rate picking up.

There are a lot of things running through your head at the moment, and you’re very close to saying every single one of them, but you’d need one more shot to do that.

He runs his hand through his hair as he walks over to you, and your filter loosens enough for the words to slip out, “Can I play with your hair?”

Nolan laughs and you giggle along with him while he sits beside you on the bed. “You wanna play with my hair?”

You nod, biting your lip as you crawl menacingly towards him. His eyes widen and he inches further away, grabbing at your wrists when you try to reach for him.

“No,” He laughs, pushing you away.

You sit back on your knees and frown, “Please,”

He scans you with furrowed brows for a moment before sighing and nodding. You scoot behind him with an excited squeal, signalling his loud laugh, and a flutter of your heart.

You wouldn’t do it- any of this really- if you weren’t intoxicated, but knowing that you can blame all of your embarrassing actions on alcohol. Throwing caution to the wind you move so that your legs are on either side of him, you’re not expecting him to, but almost instinctively he leans back into you. With a grin you run your hands through his locks and he makes a fake moaning noise.

“I’m gonna braid it,” You whisper, separating the hair into three chunks. You’re surprised by how soft it feels in between your fingers. You’re focused on braid and you’re nearly halfway done when you feel a light touch on the bottoms of both of your feet. It’s an uncomfortable tickle that makes you fidgit, both your legs coming to wrap around Nolans torso.

Realizing the weirdness of it all you’re about to move your legs but Nolan holds them there. “What are you doing?” You ask, wiggling your feet in his lap.

Nolan stands suddenly and you gasp, grabbing his shoulders quick so the other half of you doesn’t fall behind. “Nolan put me down!”

He spins maniacally squeezing your calves relentlessly while you shake with laughter. You jerk one leg free finally nearly falling when it hits the ground. Nolan drops your other leg and you use all your strength to shove him. You’re expecting more than him just lazily falling onto the bed, but that’s all you get despite what you though was an impressive output of strength. “Asshole,” You murmur, moving closer to push at his chest, but he catches your wrist with a smirk, yanking you right into him.

You’re nearly chest to chest, and you’re extremely confused as to what’s going on but you let it happen anyway, moving easily as he guides you to straddle his lap. You have a staring contest for a minute, but the look in his eyes is so intense you need a break, so you reach your hands into his hair again, running your nails along his scalp. His eyes flutter shut, hands coming to rest in the back belt loops of your jeans.

“Nolan,” You whisper, and it sounds like a question, cause you’re seriously wondering what the hell is going on.

He opens his eyes and hums a response, one of his hands moving from your back to your face. His thumb catches your bottom lip and he sweeps it down, watching the way it moves.

Your heart is no longer beating steadily at this point, because you can’t believe that this is happening. But it is, and he’s definitely leaning in closer. When he kisses you the first time it’s gentle, so soft you’re not even sure it actually happened. Your lips mould together lightly, almost like he’s afraid of your reaction.

When he pulls back and your eyes flutter open, lips still parted he stares back, his gaze flickering between your own and your mouth. You swear you see the slate color in his eyes darken before he connects your lips again, harder and more urgent this time.

His lips are so soft and inviting, the way they work with your own makes you feel like your entire body is buzzing. His tongue licks into your mouth and you instinctively lean into him, your hands sliding down to the naps of his neck. Tugging lightly at the hair you slide your other hand below the fabric of his flannel and t shirt, trying to get as close as possible.

Nolan pushes at your bum, queuing a roll of your hips against him. The low moan that your movement entices has you pulling away with a gasp, fuck he’s hot.

You observe him with wide eyes, his swollen lips and heaving chest. He tilts your chin up forcefully, exposing your neck. He bites into the skin gently, and you want nothing more than to lean back in and kiss the life out of him, but sober you is fighting for the steering wheel, which is why you blurt out, “What are we doing?”

“Making out,” He mumbles, words muffled against the skin of your neck.

“Just making out?” You reply, your hand gripping harder at his hair. You’re like pushing him into you, but he doesn’t seem to mind.

“Do you want me to do more?” He whispers, pressing his lips right below your ear.

“More...?” It comes out breathy, you’re totally engrossed in what his mouth is doing.

“Yeah,” He starts, kissing down the column of you neck before dragging his tongue back up. “More.”

A loud moan escapes you at his actions, and he chuckles against your skin. “I’m gonna take that as a yes,”

Then he’s standing up, but you’re prepared this time, holding onto him easily. His teeth are dragging across your collarbone now, while he strides across the room, he kicks the door shut and then turns back to drop you onto the bed.

His lips travel down your neck and chest, and when his hands slide up the fabric, and just when he’s about to pull it off, the door busts open, almost as fast as it just closed.

“Nolan!” Travis yells, completely oblivious to the fact that he’s literally on top of you. “Beer pong, let’s go.” And then he leaves.

The room goes silent and all you and Nolan can do is stare at eachother, the earlier moment completely ruined.

“Uh...”

“I should um-,” Nolan starts, and you nod, frozen underneath him. He just nods and then stands from the bed, looking back and forth between you and the door before he nods awkwardly and then leaves.

What is happening?

...

the third time

“We are not watching that!” Rachel barks, yanking the DVD case from Nolan’s hand. 

“Slap shot is a classic, but fine.” He grunts, flopping down onto the couch beside you.

You shift away from him a little, still not sure how to act. More chatter ensues, and you give input every once in a while, rolling your eyes at your friends incapability to choose a movie. Finally, someone decides on the Avengers, and not everyone is happy of course, but the opening credits start to roll anyways. 

Ignoring the five people already on the couch, Rachel parks herself directly in the middle, squishing everyone up against each other, groans and swears are heard from all of you but Rachel just waves you off, making you roll your eyes. 

You feel Nolan shift beside you, turning so he’s more on his side giving you a little more space. “Here,” He mumbles, hand finding your leg and adjusting you so you were in the same position, your back pressed to his front. He’s practically spooning you, your right shoulder pressed to the back of the couch. You’re stiff against his body, and it’s like he can feel it, cause he rubs his hand back and forth against your thigh.

You haven’t talked about what happened at his party, and Nolan seems to be acting like nothing has happened, but you can’t brush it off that easy. Not after all these feelings you’ve been having.

To your surprise he doesn’t move his hand, it stays in it’s place a few inches above your knee. Leah chucks a blanket over the herself and the two of you, making Nolan’s very noticeable PDA less noticeable.

As the movie starts, your friends chatter and jost at eachother, but it dies down eventually, everyone quieting to watch the action.

You eventually relax too, leaning back into Nolan instinctively, your eyes drooping the longer the movie plays.

At some point the noise around you mutes completely, Nolan’s warmth and steady breathing lulling you to sleep.

You don’t wake until the movies over, your friends all nudging on the couch to get up.

You shift, trying to appear less groggy but then a hand slides from your leg to your waist, and Nolan pulls you back against him.

“Tired?” His low voice rumbles behind you, and maybe it’s that you’re still tired, or maybe it’s that you just want to feel him behind you, but you nod, leaning even further back.

He chuckles, his head falling to rest on yours. And then your friends turn to face you all cuddled up, and the both of you are straightening up immediately.

You stand, trying to hide the blush on your cheeks. “Good movie,” You say, and everyone laughs.

“Oh please, you watched maybe five minutes of it,” Leah quips, and you make a face back.

“Ready Nolan?” Trevor asks, pulling his keys out of his pocket.

Everybody else heads to the door as well, giving hugs on the way out.

Nolan reaches out to give you a one armed hug before he walks out the door, and it’s so quick you almost miss the way he kisses the corner of your mouth, winking before he walks out.

You’re left standing there in complete shock, which seems to be a very common emotion when you’re around Nolan lately.

And all you can think is what is happening?

[ipuckwithhockey]

Earned- N. Patrick

a/n: This one gets angsty, oops. I’m on a NolPat thing right now, but when are we not? I’m honestly enjoying writing again, so I hope you guys enjoy this one!  

warnings: angst, mentions of sex/oral sex, swearing, divorced parents, drinking (i think that’s it)

------

Nolan loved his friends and family, hockey, and even on occasion Travis Konecny. This was enough for him. He had his close-knit group that he surrounded himself with and that was all he needed. It’s not that he avoided getting attached to people, he just hadn’t found anyone that he felt was worth getting attached to. He was young and focused on his career. Love would come eventually. He just didn’t realize how soon ‘eventually’ would be until he met you.

You met Nolan at a Post Malone concert. Your friend Grace had gotten tickets through her job and you couldn’t just say no to floor seats for Posty. Your seats just so happened to be right next to Nolan, Travis, and Kevin Hayes. You recognized the hockey players instantly, but your best friend just recognized that TK was hot and definitely checking her out. 

By the time Post was ending his show Grace was agreeing that the two of you would join the boys at a bar around the corner. You weren’t planning on going home with anyone that night, but Nolan Patrick was flirting with you and you were a woman of opportunity. So, you found yourself going home with a Flyers forward while your friend went home with another.

Grace was your polar opposite. She was an undying optimist, bubbly, and most notably a romantic. You on the other hand considered yourself a dedicated realist who was levelheaded and decisive. The thought of finding someone to spend the rest of your life with almost made you laugh.  You had no interest in settling for a mediocre relationship that would eventually combust or at best, just fizzled out.

The first night you went home with Nolan was supposed to be the only night you went home with Nolan, but just like the tale as old as time, it was far from a one time occurrence. Grace and TK kept seeing each other and their big personalities actually seemed to mesh well. Grace was happy and you were happy that she was happy. What you weren’t totally sure about was that their blossoming relationship meant you found yourself in the same room as Nolan more often than not. A couple of drunken nights together turned into a habit neither one of you seemed to mind.

Nolan was just as aloof as you when it came to romanticism. That was what you told yourself was the reason why you kept letting yourself fall into his bed every weekend. When he started texting you to come over out of the blue instead of your usual drunken hookups you decided it was time to lay down the law.

“Ok, so just to be clear, because I don’t want to be the reason for any broken hearts and more importantly, I don’t need any lost Flyers games weighing on me, this is just sex. Like we’re not going to be those stupid kids that say it’s just sex but then end up falling madly in love. I don’t do that, and from what I’ve gathered, you don’t do that either. So, if this is going to happen again, or keep happening, then it’s strictly business.”  You’re barely even looking at Nolan as you explain your position. He had quite aggressively ripped your clothes from your body when you arrived at his place tonight and you can’t seem to locate your second sock as you scour his room.

Nolan was still laying naked on his bed, catching his breath, as he watched you in your adopted routine of rushing out of his apartment. He had met girls who were okay with a quick hookup with a famous NHL player, but you were different. You were bold and definitive. You weren’t here because he’s famous, you were here because the sex was good, and that’s why Nolan was here too.

Nolan didn’t make a habit out of hooking up with the same girls more than a couple of times, max. If you hadn’t been so good in bed and so open to just having sex, he probably wouldn’t have entertained the idea at all. You couldn’t deny that having Nolan between your legs a few times a week wasn’t a good thing. In fact, it was a great thing.  Nolan might not spend much time talking, but he definitely knows how to use his mouth. You both left each other at the end of the night tired and satisfied, and that didn’t seem like a bad thing. 

“Mkay. I promise I won’t fall in love with you. My track record is pretty good, so if you need references, I can probably get you their numbers. They probably wouldn’t be thrilled about you calling to ask them about how I’m a heartless asshole, but you can give it a swing.” You can’t help but laugh as your brain deciphers the mumbles that just came from the half sleeping body in front of you.

The second or third time you hung out with the boys you were at a party. You were teasing Nolan about all the girls who were trying so hard to get his attention, and he replied that they probably wouldn’t try so hard if they knew how their short lived fling would end.  He had a bad habit of accidentally leading girls on, thinking they were on the same wavelength but then being met with a pissed off girl who thought “they had something special.”

“Perfect. And if you somehow end up falling for my stunning good looks and amazing personality, just do me a favor and let me know so I can run for the hills.” And with that you gave him a wink and were out the door. Nolan couldn’t hold in the laugh that fell from his lips as he continued to take in the personality you had begun to share with him.

—————

It’s been two months since the two of you settled your business deal and things were good. Grace and TK had made it official and she insisted on bringing you with her to team gatherings and games. You and Nolan went over to each other’s places when the other called or texted, and the sex was still as good as it was the first time.

The two of you developed a friendship and your post sex talks began to last a little longer on topics that were just a little deeper than the time before. Nolan would ask you about the douche that likes to hit on you at work and you would ask him how hockey was going.  Then he told you about his sisters and and eventually told you a little more about his migraines. When it felt right you would ask him questions that he always provided thoughtful answers to. Nolan Patrick was much more pensive than you initially thought. To be honest you hadn’t really given his personality much thought at all, but as you got to know him you realized his aloof exterior was maybe just misinterpreted.

To his surprise Nolan genuinely liked spending time with you. Unlike most people, you weren’t constantly urging him to be “more social” or outgoing, and even though you were using each other’s bodies for sex, you weren’t greedy. You didn’t ask too much of him or expect certain things because of who he was. He felt like he could breathe around you because he wasn’t constantly trying to satisfy any unattainable expectations.

Even when he talked to you about hockey, he felt like he was just talking about any old 9-5 job; zero pressure to perform for you. You would ask him how it was going even though you already watched the games, and you would let Nolan guide the conversation to where he was comfortable. In many ways Nolan did the same for you. He didn’t press about why you didn’t have a boyfriend or why you didn’t want one. He did query over why you gracefully steered the conversation away from your family. He didn’t pry into things that were too personal, that for some reason, so many people thought they were entitled to.

There was a level of respect present between you that neither of you had experienced with anyone else. In both of your past relationships people always wanted to go fast, immediately trying to see if you were compatible. You and Nolan were just friends having sex with no other expectation, and somehow that allowed the two of you to slowly peel back each other’s layers.

You were oblivious to all of this until one night when your post sex talk didn’t come after sex. It came before. Well, actually the conversation came but neither of you did that night. You were at Nolan’s after a game that hadn’t gone as well as they had hoped. He was tired and you could see it in his eyes. Instead of jumping each other’s bones as soon as he greeted you at the door, you cracked a bottle of wine and settled on the couch.

It was nice. It was two friends having conversation over a bottle of wine. You didn’t talk about hockey or work; it was just talking about nothing. You talked about the lady who gave you one of her extra coupons at the grocery the other day. He explained how he made a sweater once in home ec. ( You’re still not sure if you believe him.)

A couple of hours later, and halfway into your second bottle of wine, Nolan’s curiosity got the best of him.

“So, is there a reason you’re so anti relationship or are you just a serial heart breaker like me?”

Once he asked the question, he realized that he probably shouldn’t have. You hadn’t talked about it before and that probably meant you didn’t want to. You were surprised but his smug joke still made you laugh. Normally you would be a little annoyed by the question, but you felt like you knew Nolan. You knew he wasn’t just trying to get to the juicy part, he just genuinely wanted to know, so you told him.

“Well, if you must know, I am most definitely a serial heart breaker, but that’s just a result of why I’m not thrilled about relationships, not the actual why.”

You take a breath before going on, “My parent’s marriage was horrible. They fought constantly and I don’t think I ever saw them genuinely happy together. They insisted on staying together. Their families, my grandparents, were both pretty ‘well-to-do’ and I’m pretty sure my parents were just staying together to save face with them and their circle of rich friends. I’m not sure why, because none of their marriages seemed any different. They’re all divorced now, and remarried to even shittier people. But before that, it became more of a game than anything else. — it started getting bad when I was in middle school.”

You look out the window in front of you. Through it, you can see the city of Philadelphia. A city you came to for college, with the hopes of leaving your old life behind. 

“My mom started to go out to the country club and wherever else, and then she’d come home in the middle of the night, drunk, after doing god knows what or god knows who. My dad would go on business trips just to get away, and I’m pretty sure he was cheating on my mom too at that point. I never really saw them, and when I did they were always fighting. We didn’t have fun holidays and if my brother wasn’t there no one was in the stands cheering me on at my soccer games. Hell, by that point I preferred no holidays and no parents at my games. They didn’t care about me or my brother, and once Caleb went off to college I was on my own. I don’t blame him, I got out as fast as I could too. All we had was each other and we were always close. He’s in New York now, and we still talk pretty regularly, but being at home alone sucked, and being home alone with them sucked even more. I wasn’t always so pessimistic; I’ve dated a handful of guys but obviously they never worked out. Then I met a guy in college, and I thought wow this guy is unbelievable. He was perfect— Josh was his name. He was in grad school and he was smart and funny and said all the right things. I was young and naive, and I think I just wanted someone to love me, so I let him. And I let him take advantage of my time and energy. I let him lie to me and I let him cheat on me. And when I finally woke up from whatever trance I was in I realized that I had been looking at the world through rose colored glasses. I promised myself that I was never going to let myself do that again. I wasn’t going to rely on anyone but myself… I wasn’t going to give all of myself to someone just to wait for it to fall apart… The proof was in the pudding, relationships just don’t work, and that is why I’m so anti-relationship.”

You hadn’t looked Nolan in the eyes since you started in on your monologue, afraid that you may have just scared off your friend. Nolan was still taking it all in, reveling over the years of your life you had just laid out for him.

He had grown up in a loving family where his parents did everything they could to give him and his sisters the perfect childhood. They spent every weekend driving around Canada for hockey tournaments. He still talks to his sisters almost every day even though they’re thousands of miles away. His mom insists on carry out whatever holiday traditions she can even with Nolan in Philly. And here you were with a childhood that couldn’t have been more different than his. He didn’t want a relationship because he couldn’t find anyone he felt was worthy of his time and energy, but here you were, closed off to the world because you thought that unconditional love wasn’t real.

He didn’t say anything. There wasn’t anything he could say, so instead he pulled you from your side of the couch to his, where he wrapped you up in his warm arms. You sat like that for a long time, not saying anything, not even moving, just letting him hold you. You didn’t even realize you had started crying until you felt Nolan’s hands wipe away the tears that were staining your face, and that small gently gesture was what made you snap. That’s when it boiled over, when it became too much too fast.

“I’m sorry... God. I shouldn’t have even said anything. And now I’m crying like a fucking idiot. It’s probably just the wine. It’s late, I should get going. Just forget I said anything, ok?”

And just like that you had grabbed your coat, faceted your shoes, and were out the door of his apartment. Nolan’s brain couldn’t keep up with yours and by the time he heard his door slam shut it was too late to tell you that everything was okay.

—————

Nolan tried calling you after that night, but he couldn’t get a hold of you. You couldn’t talk to him. You knew you couldn’t look him in the eyes, because for a couple of seconds you got too comfortable, you let go and let him in. It was a mistake, and Nolan would surely know that too. You had both decided this was just a transaction of sex, nothing more. You were the one who took it past that. You could have just brushed off the question that Nolan was surely regretting now.

Nolan was regretting asking that question, but not because he didn’t want to know. He regretted it because you were gone now, and he didn’t know how to get you back. You had both promised not to fall in love, not to affect each other’s lives, but that’s exactly what happened. Nolan was in love with you.

Kevin had to spell it out for Nolan as he sat on his couch explaining what had happened. Nolan knew he cared about you, but he hadn’t deciphered what that feeling in the pit of his stomach was when he saw you. He couldn’t explain why he had to constantly rub the back of his neck in nervousness when he caught you staring from across the room. He didn’t know what any of it meant.  

“Dude. I’m dumb. Like I’m big-Boston-hockey-dude dumb, but you’re an idiot. You’re in love with her man.”

“What? We’re friends, I’m just worried about her.”

“Well, she’s in love with you too.”

“It’s just sex.”

“If you were just friends, and if it was just sex, you guys would be fucking right now, and you wouldn’t be mopping here on Saturday night because she told you about her life and won’t talk to you now. She wouldn’t have told you that shit, and she wouldn’t be ignoring you now if she didn’t have feelings for you. You said it yourself, she doesn’t let people in, but she let you in.”

She let me in. That’s all Nolan could think. Maybe Kevin had a point. Maybe he did love her. Maybe you somehow loved him too. Nolan couldn’t quite wrap his mind around it. A couple days later he was getting more comfortable with all the reasons he loved you, but he still couldn’t figure out why you would love him.

He loved you because you were unwavering, absolute, and even a bit brazen. Over time Nolan had found that underneath that outside shell there was so much more. There was a girl who if you were patient and gentle, she might just let you in a little bit at a time. She unveiled her scars and her wounds, and Nolan was going to do anything he could to help them heal. He didn’t know that the feelings you were denying were nearly identical to the ones he was having right now. 

It’s been two weeks since you spoke to Nolan. You had also been ignoring Grace and Travis’ attempts to figure out what the hell was going on. You were telling yourself it was fine, and that everything would blow over. What you didn’t expect to see was a large body sitting in front of your apartment door when you got home from work.

“What are you doing here?” You didn’t meet his eyes as his towering frame rose from the floor. You kept your eyes fixed on your purse as you fished out the keys to your door, and as you stuck them into the door you weren’t sure if you should slam the door behind you or turn to listen to what he had to say.

“I know that you think I’m gonna be like every other guy, and I’m gonna use you or hurt you, and maybe I will, but if you let me try, I’ll try my hardest to never let that happen because it would break me to break you. I don’t need you to give me every piece of yourself right now, I don’t want it right now— “

You scoffed. For an apology or a speech or whatever it was you were listening to, it didn’t seem to be going too well.

“-I don’t want it right now, because I know I don’t deserve it. It has to be earned. Trust is earned and I just want you to give me the chance to earn it. I know what it’s like to feel like you can’t share yourself with people because you think they’ll be disappointed or throw it away because it’s not what they wanted. But that’s not what this is. I’m a huge idiot and I didn’t realize this until recently, but I trust you. I totally and completely trust you. I can’t say that about many people, but I can say that about you. You’ve earned it. I’ve let you into parts of my life and you’ve welcomed them. You brought me closer, and for the first time in a long time I didn’t want to run away. I’m not going to say it, because I know you need time, I know that if we do this, we have to take it slow, but I think you know how I feel about you because you feel the same way about me. Or at least I really really hope you do, because I’m totally falling for you amazing personality and stunning good looks.”

Nolan is practically out of breath after the word vomit that has escaped his mouth. You’re taking it all in. You’re taking him in, and you can’t help but let a smile creep onto your face.  Nolan somehow put everything you didn’t know you needed into words and you still didn’t know what to say, so you didn’t say anything.  Instead, you pulled him close to you and wrapped your short arms around his torso as you felt his own engulf your body. You both melted into each other and for the first time in weeks felt like you could breathe.

Neither of you were sure what was going to happen next, and how this would unfold, but you were willing to give him a chance. You were willing to let him show you what this could be, what you could be together, because you had both earned it. 

[mleighsquickspot]

Hello lovelies, I hope you're doing well today. I hope you and yours are finding time and ways to enjoy the holiday season. Do me a favor and check out my Patreon and become a patron if you can. I've updated my tiers and am looking forward to sharing a new year of writing and growing with you all.

Thank you for all your continued support, it means the world to me. I hope we can all have a blessed rest of this year. With that said the link to find me on my other socials is below as always, and let's dive into my thoughts on last week's questions...

Tuesday, I asked about the Astroworld tragedy. Me personally, I'm not a fan of the artist Travis Scott. I've heard of crazy things taking place at his other concerts and I feel he is totally to blame. As for Drake and even Kyile Jenner being blamed in part, they could have said something of course but I don't think Scott would have listened. I've heard as of late that Scott's popularity has gone down big time and he's of course facing legal issues. So I think he will be dealt with appropriately mainly in the court of public opinion.

Thursday, I asked about Brittney Spears' family and what do we think will and should happen to them now? It seems to me that her dad and sister who have profited the most from Brittney's fame are going to have the biggest drop off. I really feel that her dad and sister at least in the court of public opinion are going to end up even more thrown to the side. I don't really know the role her mom may have played, but needless to say it's good Brittney can make her own decisions now. I think what we're all really waiting to see is how her marriage plays out, seeing how some feel that her guy is only with her for fame.

Sunday, so from the trailers thus far I so want to see the new Spider-Man movie. I love that Tom Holland is signed on for three more. Also that it looks like going forward Marvel is going to have more control than Sony over this characters progression in the MCU. I can't wait to see it. I recently finally watched Zhang-chi but i still need to watch Eternals.

Let me know what you think and pass the thought along my friend's.

Stay well and safe Inter World 💗.

Click on my new Link Tree link to find all of my social media https://linktr.ee/Mleighqs

Check out my YouTube Channel and become a $1 patron and support my work

[sf-imaginess]

What Sally Face Wants for Christmas

I have like a million things to do but here’s a shitty imagine! And guess who just hit 1,000 on her other Sally Face account!

Sal: Probably wants some metal records. If not that wants some new games for his Gameboy. Also wouldn’t mind some hair accessories or some new clothes (maybe some new dresses?)

Larry: Also wants metal cd’s. He may also want some new paints and canvases. He totally wouldn’t mind getting concert tickets for him and the squad to go see Sanity Falls or maybe some new hoodies.

Ashley: She wants new art supplies. Maybe if she’s lucky she’ll get a new Polaroid camera or maybe some pictures of her and her friends. If she’s SUPER lucky she’ll get some new accessories like make up or earrings.

Todd: Mainly just asks for computer parts so he can build a new computer. He also would really like some new books (maybe on the paranormal?) and maybe a new fish so his other 2 won’t get lonely.

Travis: His dad probably won’t let him celebrate the gift giving part of Christmas. But if he could get anything, he really REALLY wants some new stationary and maybe a gaming console. He also wouldn’t mind a new sweater that isn’t baby puke purple. Pride flag?

Neil: Random headcannon: Neil is a huge theatre kid. He probably wants some tickets to go see a show or something (with Todd ;) ), He also would like some new room decorations like maybe some new posters or pictures.

Maple: She wants Chug to be quiet for 5 minutes She wants some new furnishings for her room. Maybe like a mini-fridge or a cool bean bag chair. A new bed spread or maybe a couch sounds fun.

Chug: Food, food, and again food. Literally all this kid wants is junk food. Literally only asked for junk food. Like chocolate, gum, candying, literally nothing but junk. He’ll fight god if he gets anything else.

Lisa: Lisa “only wants to spend time with her loved ones” but deep deep down, there’s this really pretty necklace that she’s had her eye on for months. Larry probably has been saving up for months just to buy it for her.

Henry: BOOZE. Just kidding, he wants a new sweater and a vacation so he can bond with his son. He also wants to go out with Lisa ;).

MERRY CHRISTMAS ❤️💚❤️

[defdaily]

[TRANSLATION] Praew Magazine April 2019 issue x JUS2: time for 2

Ahgase! Right here!

Thailand's summer heat wouldn't be able to compete with hotness from the duo brothers, "JB & Yugyeom of GOT7. In the newfound unit, JUS2, they released a new single- "FoCus On Me- that makes the fans scream with interest to add this new single to their collection. In this issue, Praew took a flight to South Korea to collect photos of these 2 hotties for you before we took the chance to have a chat with them. Chatting with them in South Korea is really something. JB took the seat at the head of the table, followed by Yugyeom who greeted Praew staff around the table in Thai style with Wai and the word "Sawaddee Krub"

First of all, we would like to ask you how the leader of GOT7 and the youngest brother of the group form this new unit (a special Korean song project created by specific members), JUS2, together.

“In concerts, the two of us often sing together. So, we often talk about which kind of unit we would form next. In parties after concerts, the higher-ups would often talk about this idea as well and they thought having the two of us work together on a new song would be fun. So, the idea was developed from that point and became this duo unit today." JB replied.

"We also share similar favorite song genres, and we want to represent our characters with the music style which is totally different from GOT7. So, we took part in the production of every song in this project. We created some of the songs together, and created the others separately. For the promo song, we got help from a song writer named Cosmic Boy. We hope that everyone would love our songs." Yugyeom explained.

Can the fans expect something special from this unit?

"The first special thing that the fans can expect from us is stage performance. The second thing is the music which is going to be something that the fans have never seen from GOT7. We try to focus more on expressing emotions through the music in this unit, and we tried our best to present our characters through the MVs and the music style." JB answered.

You mentioned that you share similar favorite song genres. Which genre are they?

“I like R&B and Hip-Hop. So, I tend to go with these music styles when I write a new song. I mostly go for R&B, and mix Trap beats into the song sometimes. Do you know Trap music? It's a type of Hip-Hop which we can mix it with R&B. If you ask me who is my favorite singer, I’d say Chris Brown (R&B singer) and Travis Scott, a Hip-Hop singer" (smile). Yugyeom answered first.

“For me, I don't particularly fond of any genre. If it's a good song, then I like it. Same goes for when I sing. If I like the song and it's the song that can express my feelings with good music, then I can sing it regardless of its genre. If I have to pick my favorite singer, I'd say D'Angelo is my idol. It doesn't mean that I want to make my songs like his though (smile). I also like to listen to Toro y Moi and Kaytranada's songs lately." JB shared his thoughts.

What are the secrets or tips you use to write a song that can impress everyone?

"There's no secret in my work process. It just needs a lot of thought. I mostly find inspiration from my own experience or the stories I can find around me such as movies, songs, or books. I also have my past like everyone, my love experience or others, which I can take to present in my song. It's the same as making a movie (Scenario)." JB replied immediately

“I also get new inspiration from my surroundings as well, from my point of view on different things in my daily life. For example, when I saw a couple on the other side of the road, I would imagine what they're talking about, how happy they are. Or when I saw people living their life, I would ask myself what is their happiness, where do they find it, maybe their happiness is family or children at home."

“For me, Hmm...I don't think I do anything special. I just want to have fun with it. I may put my life experience and my imagination into the lyrics, but I mostly just create a good result if I enjoy the process and are happy with it." Yugyeom shared his thoughts.

It seems your processes are quite different.

"Actually, we share the same trait which is that we both like to work freely and have fun with it. The difference might be our standpoint. Yugyeom wouldn't think too much and tend to be easy-going, but I would focus on the point. If we have to make a decision, I make a clear decision while Yugyeom is struggled to choose" (smile). JB denied our mention.

Yugyeom gave JB a dirty look. "I’m not like that anymore! Like JB said, and as we mentioned about the way we work, you'd see that our thoughts are quite different (smile). However, this difference is what makes JB a good consultant since he can point out something I couldn't think of which is a great help to me.

"Another difference would be our preference for food. We aren't picky, but JB would prefer Korean or seafood dishes. He also likes Thai food as well. ("Tom Yum Kung is my favorite, and I also love Gaeng Keow Wan Gai" JB mentioned.) However, I would prefer western dishes and red meat. For Thai food, ld say Khao Pad is the best."

Since you've been working together for a long time, have you had any conflict?

“Never. We do have our different thoughts, but if it's my responsibility, Yugyeom would respect my decision. And if it's his responsibility, I would respect his decision as well. In terms of group decision, we mostly agree with each other. I think he has grown up. Looking at how he conducts himself nowadays, I can say that he has become more responsible. I can't tell you the detail since it's his private life though" (smile). JB said with confidence.

So, has the big brother JB done anything that makes him look like a kid?

Yugyeom looked at JB before bursting a laugh. "Sure! Everyone would say that he's like a very naughty kid when he pulls a prank."

Since you are in this industry for 7-8 years already, do you remember the goal you had on the first day you entered this industry? And how far is your progress toward it now?

"My dream is still the same, which is to be a dance singer. To this day, I still have a long way to go, for both dancing, singing, and stage performance. I think I could keep getting better if I keep practicing." Yugyeom answered clearly.

“I’ve never had a goal. I used to be a b-boy dancer and I want to have a full experience with b-boy and Hip-Hop culture, but I have never set a goal to become a famous singer. If I get famous, that's good for me. I just want to dance the way I like and write songs freely. I didn't do it to get famous. All I want is just to give my all to make good songs." JB said.

“I still think that I need to produce more quality songs. Further than that, I want to keep working on it every day. Not to repeat the same thing over and over, but to explore something new to improve myself and widen my world with the new lessons and discoveries I could find along the way."

Looks like you two have come so far. What makes you become who you are today?

"I think it's diligence. As time passes by, I grow more diligent because I often think of the past which makes me feel that I could do things better but I didn't. That makes me try my best to keep getting better at my work so that I have no regret. It's to the point that everyone sees me as a very diligent and determined person." JB replied immediately. Yugyeom agreed to JB. "Like what he said, we just try our best and keep it up every day."

Have you ever been depressed or struggled because of your work? And how do you deal with it?

"Generally, it's my physical condition like when I'm tired or lack of sleep. Sometimes, I sit alone on a sofa and ask myself, what am I doing or why do I have to do it, which I believe that everyone has moments like this no matter what kind of job they do. However, I'm quite optimistic and easy to forget. When I start asking those questions, I'd just ask them and stop thinking further (laugh). Yugyeom shares his experience.

"My problem is that I think too much. I would overthink things over and over until it sinks into my heart which makes me feel very bad to the point that I can't sleep sometimes So, I normally try to sleep it off. If I feel very down, I will go out and meet my friends so that I can forget about it. When I have something on my mind,I will not tell the others. I usually try to figure it out myself. I may tell my parents about the problem on my mind, but that's only when they ask. If they don't ask, I don't talk" JB told us seriously. “But if we talk about physical tiredness like when I’m tired from work, I will think of when we released the song Never Ever. It was very cold back then. The time we finished our work and got into a warm place was the best. This memory could help me Cure my tiredness.”

Yugyeom took this chance to conclude. "I think we just need to be positive because no matter what's the problem, we can go through it"

What about the good time? Is there any good memory you get from work?

"I love to perform on the stage. Doing concerts is the best time in my working life." Yugyeom answered first.

"I do like to do concerts like him and I like the time we release a new album as well, but I would be happier when I get good feedback from my work. When GOT7 returned from the Eyes On You World Tour and received a lot of praise from the company or when I wrote You Are and got a praise message directly from the company's president at night, I was very happy. It makes me feel like every effort I put into my work pays off the good result." JB shared his memories

May you give some advice to the people who dream to be a popular and successful singer like you please?

"First of all, you must understand yourselves the most you can. Ask yourselves if this is really the job you want. You need to think carefully because you might regret and lose your way if this job turns out different from what you expect, but if you're sure about it, then you must give it your all to make a success of your dream. Do your best every day, and don't cower before any obstacle." JB, as the group leader, gave his advice

You have visited Thailand so many times and you will pay a visit again in the near future. Is there anything in Thailand that impresses you?

“I really love Thai food, especially seafood with a lot of shrimps. For traveling, I like Phuket the most. I saw a lot of advertising about Phuket, then I travelled there and found that it's a really great place. (Yugyeom nodded and agreed with JB. "Exactly, Phuket is the best. ") Oh! There's another place I want to visit. It’s Phi Phi Islands which I heard that we need to take a boat from Phuket to go there." JB answered with a smile.

"If we talk about Thailand, I would think of Thai fans. Every time we visit Thailand, Ahgases would treat us very well. The event that impressed me the most would be during the Eyes On You World Tour in Bangkok. The fans on the 3rd floor arranged pink glow signs to form the word GOT7 Saranghae (We love GOT7)" Yugyeom answered excitedly.

"That's right. I remember that Bambam would report the number of audiences to us before the concert excitedly. He said, You know that this is Thailand, right? All the 12,000 seats are packed full, you know? (laugh) Our Thai fans treat us very warmly. If it's American or westerner fans, they would enjoy the concert with us, but Thai fans would give us their all." JB confirmed Yugyeom's opinion.

Is there anything you want to say to Thai fans? JB pleaded with the fans first. "We are JUS2, the special unit from GOT7. We hope that you would like and enjoy our new release, Focus On Me. We put our feelings into this song. And I want to thank everyone for supporting us all this time. Thailand would be really hot right now. So, please take care of your health" (smile)

"Everyone would have been waiting for us for so long. I do want to meet everyone soon as well. Please support us in unit JUS2. We made the song and created new moves for this unit ourselves and we hope that you would love it." Yugyeom pleaded the fans with cuter tone. “Rak na…“ (love you.)

Scans by ‪coconutverbena‬

For more pictures check out: https://twitter.com/coconutverbena/status/1113992114176528384

[going-full-shmoo]

Have I been listening to country love songs (mostly the sad ones) for an hour thinking about dumb hockey boys who can’t even form a sentence? yes

Honestly anon, I don’t blame you. I don’t listen to a lot of country, unless it’s like, Dolly Parton, but I have a honkey tonk country idea that might cheer you up. Hope you like it (and Travis Konecny cause thats who I decided to write about)

REQUEST HERE

thats a tried and true country boy right there

so, this one is a bit more uplifting and fun

you already knew going into this relationship that Travis was a giant country nerd

so naturally, a lot of what concerts and events you guys went to, it sometimes had something to do with country music

one time you got him tickets to that Stagecoach country music festival in California, and you’re pretty sure he cried when he saw the passes

you personally didn’t have a total interest in it, but it made him really happy, so you made sure he got his fix

that lead you to this fun discovery that hopefully he wouldn’t totally hate

you had discovered that there was a line dancing bar in Philly that was non-stop country with some dancing and drinks

which really sounded right up Travis’ alley

until you remembered, Travis...isn’t much of a dancer

if he does, its the super basic dance moves and stuff

never choreographed line dances

and so, you were unsure of whether or not he’d be interested, or if you should even bring it up in the first place

the two of you were sitting down for dinner one night when you finally brought it up

“So...I saw there was this bar downtown, kind of a country bar...thought maybe you’d be interested in checking it out...but I’m not totally sure about it...”

“Why? That sounds awesome”

“Well...its a line dancing bar...you go there to line dance...”

“...I see...And?”

“I wasn’t sure if that was something you’d be interested in. You don’t really seem like the type, honestly”

“Well I am the type to try everything at least once...I don’t know if I’d be great at it...but as long as I can drag someone down with me I’ll give it a go”

“For real?”

“Yeah, why not. We’ll check it out during the offseason so we have more time”

the two of you agreed on that, and went back to your dinner

cut to the end of the season, and the two of you find yourselves getting ready to check out this bar

“Are you sure you’re okay with this? I feel like this is too much, even for you”

“Like I said, babe. I’ll try everything at least once. And you said they had lessons for beginners, so at least we get something out of it” he smiles at you, kissing your nose

the two of you head out, and the description was not kidding when it said it was a country themed bar

it looked like the inside of a barn, with wooden floors, country music blasting over the speakers, and beers all around

Travis’ kind of place

the two of you get a drink in you before heading over to the area where they teach you the line dances

both of you are really just messing around, not totally focused on the task at hand, but still having a good time

Travis, while somewhat coordinated on the ice, for some reason, has zero coordination on the dance floor

and you watch him trip over his own feet at least twice while learning some basic steps

which causes you to giggle and mess up too

eventually the two of you get through one lesson, and a song comes on that fits the steps you learn

so naturally, the two of you go out and put your skills to the test

thankfully you both were somewhere in the back so you could continue to giggle away at both of your lack of skills in the line dance department

the song ended, and the two of you were sweating and smiling like crazy

that’s when a slower, more heartfelt country song came over the speakers, and all the couples partnered up for a simple slow dance

“Now this,” Travis whispers to you before giving you a twirl into his arms, “This I know how to do”

both of you laugh again, and enjoy the moment in each other’s arms

while neither of you were incredibly great at the whole line dancing thing, you were happy you at least tried it

and, you would end up back at that bar quite a few times, not really for the dancing but for the atmosphere

and every now and again, when the song you learned steps too would come over the speakers, the two of you would share a laugh and a drink, enjoying watching the people on the floor totally nail the dance

and of course, you would end the night with a dance just for the two of you, one you both could do

(fun fact: I do know one line dance, and it was only because I saw it in the remake of Footloose so I learned it. Line dancing is fucking hard as hell y’all)

[iwantthedean]

OFC Masterlist -- OC Appreciation Day 2020

Since I unfortunately don’t have anything new for reading today, I thought I would finally create a masterlist of my OFC works, along with a little commentary on each one. I hope you find something new and lovely to read within this list!

@atc74​ @alleiradayne​

Not Listening When You Say Goodbye - Dean x South

South Mosely has said goodbye to almost everyone near and dear to her. She thought she had gotten used to it, but that was before the lights started flickering wherever she went; that was before a blast from the past came cruising into town in a 1967 Chevy Impala.

This was the first Supernatural fanfiction I ever wrote. I started and finished other things before this one was completed, but I remember feeling so accomplished when I finished writing it! I also remember feeling like their story isn’t finished; and Marie, another OFC within the fic, her story has yet to be told. I had so many plans for these characters, though none have yet to come to fruition.

Out of the Blue - Dean x Nicole (Me)

A series of random events turns out not to be so random.

Another idea that never fully came to fruition -- that’s such a pattern with me, unfortunately. Also, not the only YouAU (because self-insert kinda sounds dirty, ha) on my list. Pretty sure the idea came to me during a night working in the ER.

Promised Land | Let It Rock | Out of the Darkness - Dean x Israel

Dean bonds with a woman he never expected to be such a big part of his future.

This three-part mini-series is intended to be an insight into some “episodes” the reader in Angeles is part of; Israel is the character she plays. It was a lot of fun writing this enemies to lovers trope, working in Amara a little ... just a fun little series to write! And I really love Israel, personally. She’s one of my favorites.

The Demon’s Pet | Angels Among Us - Dean x Zephaniah

Dean goes to kill a woman, unaware of who and what she really is.

Dean and Zephaniah’s story continues as he fights against The Mark of Cain taking hold, and she avoids waging war with Heaven.

My baby. My heart. My labor of love. This series -- these series -- is/are a story I’m so proud of. Zephaniah’s character is one that I really worked to develop, and the scenes in these stories are ones I really visualized before putting them into words. Specifically (a little spoiler, nothing that ruins the fic) the scene in The Demon’s Pet when Dean tortures Zephaniah in hell ... I’m very proud of that scene. The third installment, The Demon & The Darkness, has been in the works for a long time, but I’ve learned that these are not characters I can rush; their story has to tell itself.

Someone Like You - Dean x Hartley, Sam x Andell, Castiel x Florence, Gadreel x Phedra, Travis x Hartley

Another fic that I started early on in my SPN-watching days! The OFCs are based on myself and three friends. Inspired by the Ashley Judd movie of the same name, this fic was intended to be a cute little rom-com type thing, with a touch of drama (which, of course, turned out to be more than a touch) and a smidge of the supernatural. Mechanic!Dean, Professor!Cas, GradStudent!Sam, SWATteam!Gadreel ... lots of fun stuff in this one!

Love & War - WWII AU - Jensen x OFC Lucy, Misha x OFC Odette - Collab with @d-s-winchester​

Best friends Lucy and Odette navigate life in the wake of the Pearl Harbor bombing.

My first collab with Ashley! We wrote this story in FIVE DAYS. It was magical. Totally meant to be. A sweet World War II love story .. check it out if that’s your thing!

If Walls Could Talk - Jensen x Nicole

AU Me moves into an apartment in Vancouver and befriends Jensen ... and then panics about moving our relationship beyond friendship. (As if.)

A while back, I hosted a writing challenge called the YouAU challenge (again, because self-insert sounds kinda dirty) where I challenged other writers to put themselves into their fic in some capacity. I mean, I know a lot of us do it mentally anyway, so why not just put it out there? I had fun writing this, pulling the post-it theme throughout. Occasionally I add to it because, meh, why not?

The Charade - Jensen x Boden, Misha x Adeline - collab with @d-s-winchester​

Boden and Adeline make a deal with Jensen and Misha -- the girls need an article, the boys need stand-in girlfriends. What could go wrong?

Another Ashole collab! Which unfortunately did not take only five days to write, ha. Still fun to write though, and one I often go back to re-read. I love the easy yet hesitant relationship between Jensen and Boden.

Take It All Back - Jensen x Macy, Jensen x Journey

Shocking news from home prompts Jensen to bounce a quarter into a whiskey glass and make a drunken wish. The next thing he knows, he’s catapulted into something straight out of Supernatural.Will Jensen be able to get back to the life he knows? More importantly, will he want to?

This idea hit me in the middle of a concert! Inspired by Take It All Back by Judah & the Lion, I thought about Jensen moving on from a sweetheart when he begins acting, and then hitting this traumatic moment where he wonders what would have happened if he could go back and stay with her -- and that maybe things wouldn’t be quite the ‘what if’ scenario he had imagined. Another passion piece that I am extremely proud of!

A Hit and A Miss - Misha x Ashley

A special moment goes slightly awry.

I wrote this for a Ships challenge ... I was alllllllll about some Mishley! Since I created the ship, you can guess why, haha! This ship may have sailed but I can’t complain about a fic that involves baseball!

Pictures in the Park | Guide Me Home | Meaning in the Moments

Speaking of ships, let’s talk Robelina.

My dear friend Ang -- @atc74​ -- and Rob Benedict. The epitome of short and sweet. One of my favorite ships to write. Though we all know Angelina is passionate and Rob can entertain with the best of them, I see their relationship as the calm place for both of them. Quiet in the chaos. *dreamy sigh*.

Okay friends, I’m pretty sure that covers all of my OC fics. I hope you find something you can read and love, and maybe even some inspiration to create your own original characters! Happy OC Appreciation Day!

[hellfirenacht]

Can't Be Unseen Chapter 1

Fandom: Sally Face

Pairing: Sal x Reader

Summary: Flirting is fun, but flirting with Sal Fisher is the most fun of all. 

Ao3

It wasn’t exactly a secret that you were a huge flirt; everyone in your friend group got a taste of it, no matter their gender or sexuality. Larry gets a new shirt? Double pistols and a wink. Todd comes to school wearing contacts? Compliment him on his eye color as he rolls his eyes and reminds you that he’s gay. Ash tries out some new makeup look? She’s once again made a masterpiece of her flawless canvas of a face. 

Flirting was almost second nature to you, but there was one boy whom you liked flirting with the most; your friend Sal “Sally Face” Fisher. You could hardly help yourself around him. Something about his cute short stature, blue pigtails, kind attitude, and sweet guitar skills had you swooning. He was almost like a porcelain doll, though his prosthetic was actually made out of a more sturdy plastic. 

Still though, you never missed a chance to compliment him or flirt with him or even just talk with him. You had known him for 2 years and in that time he’d become someone who you’d felt totally comfortable and happy with. Developing a crush on the boy wasn’t exactly in your plans, but it happened anyway. Despite his obvious feelings for Ashley, you were content just spending time with him. Besides, covering up your crush with the endless flirting made it much more easy. 

It was early September when you two were walking home together with Larry. The crisp fall air wasn’t too cold yet, but comfortable enough for flannel and t-shirt combinations. 

“So Ashley’s seeing someone from another school now, huh?” Larry said, looking over at Sal. 

“Yeah, she seems really nice.” Sal said, “I hope we get to meet her sometime.”

“Aren’t you bummed though?” Larry replied. “I mean, I know you liked her and all.”

“That was last year.” Sal shrugged. “I still think she’s pretty, but I don’t think I’ve liked her like that for a while now. I’m happy that we’re friends, that’s all.“ 

You couldn’t help but look up from your phone that you’d been distracted by to listen in on their conversation. Sal didn’t like Ash anymore? Why was this news to you? 

"You’re a mature dude, Sally Face.” Larry nodded as all three of you wandered down into the basement of Addison Apartments. 

It had become a habit by this point- come home from school, go to the basement to do homework, listen to music and hang out, then go home. You all had tried to do homework while listening to music, but it turned out to be more of a distraction than a help. Larry would end up on a tangent about the song, Sal would be listening while his hands would start faking an air guitar, and you just couldn’t handle that much noise when trying to study. 

As you all settled into Larry’s room, a small beeping sound emitted from Sal’s bag. His phone’s alarm went off, reminding him to take some of his many medications. 

“Be right back!” he said, scurrying into the bathroom. You and Larry both had assumed a while ago that some of the medicine involved taking off his face. Though you had both seen it- well you had captured a split second glance on accident once- it was agreed upon that you give him privacy when it came to his face. 

You looked over at Larry who was digging through his bag, pulling out loose pieces of paper, trying to figure out which ones he needed to start his homework. 

“Dude, just get a binder. Or a folder!” you said, watching him. “Hell, I’ll give you one of mine. Your school organization is seriously stressing me out." 

"It’s fine, it’s fine.” Larry replied, as you heard a paper rip. “Woops." 

"Was that the math worksheet?" 

"I think so?” he handed over the paper to you. 

“Larry, this was last week’s homework! We even did this one together!”

“Hahaha, good thing they didn’t check it." 

"They did.”

“Oh… shit.”

You looked over at the bathroom door for a sec, hesitating a moment and lowered your voice. “I think I’m gonna ask him on a date.” you said, pulling out your own homework. 

“Who? Sally Face?” Larry asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“No, your mom. I’m gonna date your mom and you will be my new step-son.” You replied dead-pan, but then smirked. “Then we can add to the ever growing list of the not-related category on porn hub.”

Larry laughed. “If that wasn’t so messed up I’d almost be down. But seriously, you finally gonna do it?”

You nodded. “I’ve been thinking about this seriously ever since he admitted that he doesn’t like Ash anymore.”

“So, fifteen minutes.”

“Yes.”

“Good luck. I don’t think he’s ever been on a date in his life." 

"Then I’ll just have to make it special. If he agrees that is.” you shrugged. 

“If who agrees to what?” Sal asked, walking out of the bathroom. 

“I’m asking Lisa on a date.” you replied back quickly. “Gonna sweep that sweet lady off her feet, then Larry’s gonna have to call me ‘mommy’ too." 

Sal laughed, "Good luck with that. She’s been spending a lot of time with my dad lately, I think they’re going on a date this week.”

“Is that all that’s standing in my way? Then I’ll just have to date your dad too. Then you’ll both have to call me ‘mommy’." 

"Whatever you say.” Sal laughed, plopping down next to Larry. 

…

Despite it all though, it took you at least a month to work up the nerve to actually ask Sal out. Deciding that you wanted to was easy, but planning a date was becoming a little more difficult than you anticipated. You were sure he’d be happy with anything that you took him to do- but this was if he agreed to the date in the first place. 

Larry suggested taking him to the Sanity Falls concert that was coming up, but you declined that. Sanity Falls was very much Larry and Sals’ thing- not something that you’d ever want to take away from them. Plus, if you were being honest- Sanity Falls and heavy metal wasn’t fully your thing either. Sure you knew more about that band than anything else, but that was because of all the time you spent around the boys. 

In any case, a concert in general didn’t seem like the best idea for a first date. You’d have to get the tickets in advance and even with your part-time job, that was still a bit of money for an evening where you couldn’t even talk to him. You already had a bit of a job listening to his slightly muffled voice, you didn’t want to put loud music and screaming teens on top of that. 

You found a similar dilemma with dinner and a movie. It seemed too cliche, really, and not that personal. Besides, you all had done that a million times before. You weren’t just getting to know Sal at this point- you wanted to woo him! You wanted to make him feel special! You also wanted your feelings to reach him. 

The mall was a no-go. Sal didn’t really like shopping that much, and he usually got harassed by mall security for “wearing a mask”. 

It was too cold for the water park.

Walking around town just seemed like you hadn’t tried at all to plan anything. 

Nothing was coming together at all. 

You groaned and scribbled out what you were working on in art class for the tenth time. Your hands were covered in charcoal, and it was getting everywhere at this point. 

“What’s wrong?” Ash asked, next to you. “That one wasn’t so bad.”

“It’s not the assignment.” you admitted. “I… okay so I’m gonna just tell you. I wanna ask Sally on a date but I have no idea where to take him assuming that he’ll agree." 

"You like Sally?” She asked, a bit surprised. You nodded. “Oh, that does make sense. I thought you flirted with him a bit more than anyone else." 

"He’s sweet.” you said, looking down at your paper again, flipping to a clean page and scribbling to give you something to look at. “And he’s more kind than anyone I’ve met. He talked to Travis once and since then he’s stopped using those words. He’s… got this quiet confidence you know? He turned a cruel nickname into something he wore with pride. He stands up for himself. Sal… even with his self-esteem issues with his face, he… how do I put this? We’re all afraid of rejection, he is too. But he also knows that if someone rejects him, then that’s not the end of it. He always gives people a chance to actually know him. He’s stronger and more brave than anyone else I know.”

“Wow, you’re serious about this, huh?” Ashley said approvingly. 

“Plus did you see his butt when he was wearing that dress at the last Homecoming dance?” you asked, doodling said butt. 

Ashley laughed. “He did look great.” she agreed. 

“I just don’t know what to do.” you admitted. “I like Sal, I really really like him and I want him to give me a chance. To see me as more than just a flirt, you know? But if I can’t even think of a good date to take him on…" 

"He’d love whatever you plan.” Ash replied. “But I understand what you mean. Do you have any ideas at all?" 

You handed over the list, complete with commentary from you and Larry in the margins about why it wouldn’t work or was too expensive, or too not-Sal or too not-you. 

"Prom’s out?” she asked. 

“Prom’s next spring.” you explained. “I mean, I know there’s no time limit on asking him out, but that’s a bit far off. Also just feels like too much for a first date, you know?" 

She nodded and continued down the list. "Yeah, I see what you mean.” she said. “You need something that you can do together that doesn’t lean more towards one person’s interest, that still gives you a chance to talk and get to know each other, and that isn’t super expensive." 

"First dates are stupid if you already know someone.” you grumble. 

“…Oh! I have an idea!” Ashley suddenly grabbed a paper towel in an attempt to wipe off the charcoal on her hands. I got this flier in the mail the other day, I think this would work perfectly!“

You took the flier from her hands carefully as to not make a mess of it. "Fall Festival…?” you read. “Ash, this is perfect!" 

"It’s every weekend until mid-November.” she said, pointing. “Plus there’s a Halloween weekend as well! I think that he’d really like that." 

"Ash, have I mentioned that you are the most amazing and beautiful person I’ve ever met?” you asked. She just laughed. 

“Save it for Sal.”

…

“So you really gonna do it today?” Larry asked, leaning next to your locker. “I’m gonna miss your constant flirting when you and Sally Face get married.”

You snorted. “It’s okay, you can still call me 'mommy’ if you want, but you’ll have to call Sal 'daddy’.”

“Thanks, I hate it."Larry laughed. "Besides, he’s basically like my brother. He can’t be my brother and my dad at the same time.”

“Not with that attitude!” You closed your locker and pulled your backpack over your shoulders. 

“But seriously,” Larry said. “I hope it works out for you. I think you two would be good for each other.”

“Thanks.” you said quietly. “I’m honestly really nervous but I know that even if he says no today, he’ll still be my friend.”

“That’s just the kind of guy he is.” Larry agreed. “And for what it’s worth, he thinks your pretty.”

“…What?” you snapped your head to look at his shit-eating grin. 

“Oh yeah, I may have done some slight digging and wing-manning for you. Got him to tell me some things.”

“What things?!” you demanded. “Tell me everything word for word exactly what he said." 

"I’d love to, but he’s right behind you and as I recall you’ve got an important question to ask him." 

You whipped around behind you and saw the tell-tale pigtails bobbing along down the hall towards the two of you. 

"Larry, I’m gonna kill you one day.”

“You’re welcome." 

"Hey guys.” Sal said as he finally approached you two. “Ready to head home?" 

"Actually, I gotta go pick up some stuff for my mom today.” Larry said casually, lying through his teeth. 

“Oh, well we can come along and help out if you want.” Sal replied, but Larry shook his head. 

“No worries, I got it. You two go on ahead and we’ll catch up later, mk?" 

"Alright then.” Sal nodded, turning to you. “So are you ready?”

You smiled down at him, at 5'2 he was a good 4 inches shorter than you, but it hardly mattered. “Ready as I’ll ever be.” you replied. 

The late-October sky was a bit dark and gloomy with the threat of rain. You zipped up your jacket and hugged yourself for warmth as the wind blew around you. You were starting to regret choosing to look cute over warm today. 

It was quieter walking with Sal without Larry there, but not uncomfortably so. Sal could be both chatty and quiet and it suited him either way. Though normally you wouldn’t mind the quiet, you needed to think of some sort of topic that you could use to segue into asking him out. 

“It’s too damn cold.” you said, blurting out the first thing that came into your mind. 

“It’s only 58 degrees.” Sal replied. 

“Yes, that’s borderline freezing where I’m from." 

"I can keep warm perfectly fine.”

“That’s ‘cause you’re so hot.” you replied with a wink. That was better, now you were starting to find your groove. 

The boy let out a small laugh beside you. “It’s the prosthetic, isn’t it? Girls love the look on Halloween.”

“Mike Meyers chic is very sexy.” you agreed. “Jason’s got nothing on you." 

"Except maybe a foot and a half.” he admitted. 

“Speaking of Halloween.” You said, bracing yourself. “There’s a fall festival coming up this weekend. Actually it’s been going on since last weekend but it’s still happening this weekend.” Shit, you were starting to ramble a bit. You took a deep breath to keep your cool. 

“Yeah? That sounds like it could be fun.”

You stopped walking and turned to him and gave him your trademark smirk to hide your nerves. “Then go on a date with me tomorrow. I’d love to go with you." 

The two seconds it took for Sal to answer felt like an eternity. Everything seemed to slow down as he stopped walking and glanced up at you. 

"Uh, sure!” He replied and you could hear it in his voice that he was smiling at you. Your heart seemed to stop for a moment at his words, and for a second you almost faltered and looked surprised. 

“Awesome!” you replied. “Okay, so meet me at 1 in front of the apartments, mk? I’m gonna show you a great time!" 

…

BlankFace: HE SAID YES! 

You texted Ashley excitedly. You managed to keep calm and collected until you made your way back home, but you immediately jumped on the bed and started giggling like mad. After all that planning, you had not only managed to ask out your crush, but you had managed to plan an amazing date as well. 

AshleyFace: Aww, that’s great! I hope you two have fun!

BlankFace: And also get this, Larry said that he thinks I’m pretty apperenly??

AshleyFace: Well yeah, you are. 

BlankFace: Well I know that but I didn’t think Sal did! 

You couldn’t stop smiling to yourself. In less than 24 hours you’d be on your first date with Sally Face. With Ashley’s help, you had already picked out what you were going to wear and how you were gonna do your make up. In fact, you didn’t really have anything to do except wait. You sat up and grabbed your laptop again, pulling up the page for the festival for the hundredth time. Yup, it was still the same schedule, no changes in the weather reports, and no cancellations. 

You kinda regretted being too prepared. 

Behind you, your phone buzzed, and buzzed…. and buzzed. Your group chat seemed to be exploding. 

SallyFace changed the group name to Scooby Doo Minus the Dog

LarryFace changed the group name to Scooby Doo but Good

BlankFace: You take that back, Larry. Scooby Doo is the shit. 

BlankFace changed the group name to Scooby Doo Appreciation Fan Club

SallyFace changed the name of the group to No Dogs Allowed

LarryFace: Oops. 

BlankFace. oh shit sorry dude

SallyFace: It’s okay!

LarryFace changed the name of the group to The Putting Your Foot In Your Mouth Club

AshleyFace changed the name of the group to Bologna Fan Club

Everyone in the group chat is typing…

Next Chapter

[uniaccount]

The Weeknd Experience Think Piece

With the semi-recent release of his studio album titled “After Hours”, singer, The Weeknd has brought to us a virtual concert inspired by the album, “The Weeknd Experience”. The twenty-minute virtual concert premiered live on TikTok on August the 7th, garnered two million total viewers and raised $350,000 for the Equal Justice Initiative. Through the virtual concert, the singer invites us to see the world through his eyes, Vegas lights, fast cars, and… well... frog licking. As we’ve seen throughout the COVID-19 pandemic, celebrities and performers have found new, online ways to entertain crowds. Most of which have been through telematic performances utilising various tools such as ‘Zoom’. However, The Weeknd Experience has brought something new to the table. Fans had to tune into the live stream to engage with the concert in real-time and were greeted with incredible imagery, psychedelic visuals, and an avatar of the singer himself. This cross-reality experience was the first-ever for the TikTok app and it worked out quite well.

As music over time has become less and less tied to place, we no longer have to go to a concert or a club to experience it. As long as we have access to the internet, music is at our fingertips (or our ear-tips). The Weeknd Experience made an effort in bringing a concert experience to us, as we’ve been stuck at home throughout ongoing lockdowns. The avatar of the singer was propped up on a stage and fans were animated avatars placed in a virtual concert pit. In reality, we can think of these avatars in the crowd as stand-ins for people all around the world, connected through the engagement in the performance.

The Weeknd Experience was also a great way for the musician to tease his then-upcoming song (which was released on August 28th) “Over Now” in collaboration with Calvin Harris. Fans were excited to hear something new from him and perpetuated the hype through the live chat. One of the key aspects of the virtual concert was the digital participation that fans had easy access to. By giving them a choice via polls, users had some control over how the concert was going to play out. For example, one of the first things fans got to vote on was whether the singer should “lick the frog” on screen, as he does in his music video “Heartless”. This strange moment in the music video sparked tremendous engagement with fans on social media and had become a running joke within the fanbase so by integrating it into the experience, the singer brought more attention to it in a humorous way. As expected, the majority of fans commented ‘yes’ in the chat after a brief pause, and the avatar proceeded to lick the frog.

It was also wonderful and at times humorous to see people's reactive comments and usernames featured throughout the set of the experience. This further established the connection the Canadian singer has with his fans.

The Weeknd Experience further integrated user-generated content by having his background dancer avatars do the blinding lights challenge, which was a dance made by users on TikTok to his hit song “Blinding Lights” soon after its release. Similarly, the virtual concert featured another artist, Doja Cat, which The Weeknd collaborated on a remix of his song “In Your Eyes” with. Doja Cat had her own avatar, dressed in a cat costume AKA her alter ego, and did the dance which people made up for her song “Say So” over on TikTok as well. This acknowledgement and interactivity are important to fans, as it makes them feel like they’re a part of something, instead of passive consumers. All of these aspects, like the odd frog licking scene, the humorous audience comments displayed in the virtual set, and the TikTok dances aid in what Henry Jenkins calls the ‘spreadability’ of content.

From the live chat, as well as tweets from fans on Twitter, I was able to gather varying opinions on The Weeknd Experience from viewers. While the feedback was mostly positive, with fans Tweeting about the incredible visuals, some were displeased and thought the experience was weird and underwhelming. Some were also comparing The Weeknd's virtual performance on TikTok to rapper Travis Scott's Fortnite virtual concert.

Much of the negative feedback I assume, might have been from the sheer fact that virtual reality is something new to many individuals. Many of us aren’t used to switching our lives to an online existence, therefore something new and different translates into something strange. Though the idolisation of avatars isn’t something that has never been heard of or done before. Posthumanism has been prevalent in the entertainment industry for quite some time now, specifically in non-western countries such as Japan, where Vocaloid and Vocaloid concerts are the norms. Though I do see how some might be concerned with the inauthenticity of it all. However, it’s important to keep in mind that The Weeknd Experience wasn’t held to replace his real-life concerts altogether, the singer himself even Tweeted recently that he missed performing.

It was to give fans something to occupy themselves within the meantime. Although it would have been great to hear The Weeknd sing live as the virtual concert took place, the whole focus of it was primarily on the visuals. The whole thing was a visually stimulating piece of artwork that one gets lost in. Nicholas Cook makes the point that certain subcultural genres such as vaporware and vocaloids have ceased to exist in the non-digital, offline world. The same could be said for The Weeknd experience. There is something about this whole TikTok concert experience that would be difficult, if not impossible to replicate in the real world. With the power of online tools, fans were able to see the singer perform up close, from different angles, and see him drive his sports car through electro light tunnels all while listening to their favourite blood-pumping songs.

[anhed-nia]

BLOGTOBER 10/1/2019: DER TODESKING--”I DIE, THEREFORE I AM!”

I’m kicking off Blogtober this year with the first movie that really scared me. Well, maybe that’s not properly true, but I’m not sure what more accurate word to use. It was the first movie that really profoundly offended me, that gave me a taste of what Mary Whitehouse would have felt had she actually watched any of the movies that were granted eternal (and often undeserved) notoriety by the Video Nasty list. It bothered me in a way that was totally indefinable, since I had never seen anything like it before. I was 14 and I had acquired a membership card to a pleasantly musty mom & pop video store where they didn’t do a lot of carding, and didn’t always know what they had. For once in my life, though, I wasn’t trying to sneak off with anything verbotten; from the black and white cover of the tape I had selected, featuring an allegorical photo of a cadaverous adult holding a skull and a pensive-looking baby, I thought I was renting some sort of “classy” german expressionist film. At that point, I didn’t know what else Germany was really capable of, media-wise. In about an hour, I had returned to the video store, leaving the mostly unwatched tape on the counter. Then I went home and cried. It’s embarrassing to admit this, but it’s also an important event in my life, not to be forgotten. My friends and I were “weirdos” in the extremely limited context of our claustrophobic home town. We sought stimulation at the video store several times a week, and considered ourselves little badasses for having weathered horrors ranging from EVIL DEAD to MEET THE FEEBLES. But the truth was that we didn’t understand very much about what we were watching or where it came from. Typically, we didn’t have to; we were just out for kicks. Jorg Buttgereit’s DER TODESKING interrupted my gleeful thrill-seeking savagely, presenting me with something that repulsed me both viscerally and intellectually. As with many things in my life, that which disgusted and frightened me as a child turned out to be important in my adult life.

I have a large, detailed tattoo of a house centipede running down the length of my right shin. It’s the very first thing that ever really scared me, casting a shadow the size of a rat on my bedroom wall and sending five year old me screaming for my mother at four in the morning, much to her dismay. People who don’t appreciate the artistry of the tattoo have a very hard time understanding why I have it. My explanation, that my personal philosophy compels me to develop intimacy with whatever bothers me the most, isn’t so easy to swallow, either. But, it is an incontrovertible truth that if you find something upsetting, it might be trying to tell you something important.

I don’t claim to understand the entirety of what Jorg Buttgereit is doing with this essay on suicide, and I bet I’ll want to rewrite this review more than once in my life as I understand more about it. Having filed for time off at work, mailed some correspondence, neatened his apartment, and fed his fish, a man swallows a handful of pills and sinks into the tub. Then a man, who might be the recipient of this correspondence, murders his girlfriend while watching a violent porn movie—all of which is revealed to be playing on a TV screen in a room where a woman hangs herself. (This is not the only time that DER TODESKING weaves deftly in and out of a movie-within-a-movie) Then, a man relates the disturbing story of his deteriorating relationship to a strange woman who pulls a gun on him, which he then uses to take his own life. The movie rolls on like this, briefly suggesting the existence of a suicide society, but mainly staying the course of analyzing the means and motivation of self-annihilation. The 1989 film even contains a freakishly prescient essay (does anyone know the author? Is it original?) about mass-shooting suicides, pointing to the act of weaponizing one’s own demise as a means of “universal revenge” against a society that considers the perpetrator insignificant.

The latter sequence butts up against a fascination digression from the railroad-like procession of suicides, in which a young woman with a film camera mounted on her shoulder perpetrates a mass shooting/“shooting” during a rock concert. In the course of her mission, she briefly seems to imitate Travis Bickle—a mass murderer who makes himself socially and historically important through a “heroic” act of violence, during which he himself imitates suicide. Here, Jorg Buttgereit’s obsession with mediated experience shows through. His characters are often listening to the radio or watching TV or movies, performing the very rituals of voyeurism, flagellation and catharsis that are familiar to the viewers of his challenging movies. In NEKROMANTIK 2, there is the push-pull between characters who dub over porno films—making an artificial thrill even MORE artificial—and characters who indulge masturbatorily in all too real recordings of animal cruelty. I’m not saying it always works, but I do think it works best in DER TODESKING, in which a woman commits suicide while watching a film ABOUT men who watch films about the pornography of violence. In “today’s political climate”, her terminal ennui is pretty relatable.

It’s the latter scene that sent me sobbing back to the video store, in which the forbidden rental turns out to be a snuff-like nazsploitation movie featuring an Ilsa stand-in graphically castrating a presumably jewish prisoner, while her aroused colleagues look on. I didn’t understand anything about what I was seeing, including whether the movie (“VERA, ANGEL OF THE GESTAPO”) existed outside the world of DER TODESKING. On some level I just found it obnoxious, exploitation on the purest level. But the fact is that it bothered me, where I think that a really mindlessly offensive movie could not. When something gets under your skin, there has to be a reason. Luckily for the viewer, all of this misery is couched within beautiful photography and a hypnotic score by Daktari Lorenz, Hermann Kopp and (ahem) John Boy Walton. The film’s overall impression of thoughtfulness about its difficult subject makes it hard to reject as an act of juvenile rebellion, even though that’s explicitly what NEKROMANTIK was—and NEKROMANTIK is strangely easier to take, with its fashionable flair and disarming sense of humor, mercies that Buttgereit does not grant the audience of DER TODESKING.

So, while I am still working out the puzzle of DER TODESKING on some level, it remains true that it is the movie I lost my virginity to, the movie that initiated me into the grim adult world of what a movie can say, or do, to you. I’m including here a drawing I made about my coming of age experience for Electric Ant Zine #2, many years ago. I think you can tell from the way it is rendered that I was beginning to come to terms with the movie, but still had a long way to go. I don’t think I’m at the end of my journey yet, but I’m far enough along to acknowledge what a part of my life this has been, and will continue to be.

[tricenorthman-blog]

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

 “So, what I’m trying to explain is that we all write our own history but only because we spent time studying other. We need to understand our past to keep living in the future, and there is only one way to do it.” He grinned and a lot of girls sighed.

 Celine was getting notes and completely focused on what she was listening. She really enjoyed the class, and looking at him as well, although she wouldn’t admit it out loud to Kate.

 “I can’t believe you’re wearing this dress. It’s almost virginal.” She chuckled in a whisper, making Celine turn red at her words. “And Professor Sexy can’t take his eyes off you.”

 “Shut up!” She snapped.

 “So before you go, I would like having meetings with each of you so we can know better.” No one complained about it. “Don’t worry, it’ll only be a for a few minutes, I know you all are terribly busy.” He joked and everyone laughed. “So I’ll start for alphabetical order.” Celine wished to hide because she obviously was the first one on that list. “Okay, then my first meeting is with…” He looked down at his paper on the table. “Beckett, Celine.”

 Kate was giggling like a teen in a Jonas Brothers’ concert, and Celine turned even redder. “You’re so lucky.”

 Celine raised her hand and Henry grinned. “Excellent. We’ll see at 4:00 pm.” He said. “Have a nice day.” And everybody abandoned the room.

 Celine spent the next hour on the library looking for some books, and then sitting down alone on a table to start working. She always enjoyed being there because she was able to relax. Besides, there was no interruptions.

 But today was not exactly her lucky day.

 “Hey Celine, good to see you again.” The young girl groaned when seeing Travis in front of her. “May I sit down?”

 “You will, no matter what I say.” She was in no mood to talk to him, especially because he was a total jerk.

 “You’re so hot, why don’t we go out tonight? Have a drink, some dancing, and then we come back to my place to fuck like crazy…”

 “Seriously, Travis?” She asked, tired of hearing the same speech over and over. “Why don’t you get lost? I’m busy.” She kept trying to read but it was not going to be that easy. Travis was an idiot but sometimes he got to the limit.

 “Doing what? Not even teachers started working already, what’s so important then?”

 “None of your business.” She got up and went to look for some other books, and to run away from Travis. She hated the guy from minute one, but getting rid of him proved to be an impossible task.

 “This is what I like about you, baby. You know you want me but pretend not to.” He said, following her. “Don’t call me baby ever again.” Celine hissed. “Don’t you have anything else to do?”

 “I need a break after Walker’s boring class.” He complained. “He’s such a jerk. And all girls oggling at him…ugh, I almost threw up.”

 “Travis, please. Just leave me alone.” Two guys called his name and he turned around. “Well, gotta go now. Think of my offer.”

 “Get lost, Travis.”

 Henry was at his office working on his laptop and trying to figure out the meeting with his first student.

 The same student he almost knocked down at the store. There was something about her that he wasn’t able to understand. But not in a bad sense, she looked too innocent for her age.

 A knock on his door startled him, but he soon regained his composure, got up and opened the door. “Miss Beckett, please come in.” He allowed her entrance and invited her to sit down on the chair opposite to his desk. “Welcome.”

 “Thank you.”

 The tension was palpable, and Henry was the first one breaking it by clearing his throat. “Well, I’m having these meetings because I believe it’s a good way to know my students, Celine. May I call you Celine or you prefer Miss Beckett?”

 “Celine is fine, Professor.”

 “You may call me Henry.” He said grinning. “Celine, is there anything you want to ask?”

 “Not really. I think it’s pretty soon for that.” It was so embarrassing, at least that’s what she thought. “But I would like to know if it’s difficult to find your way when finishing college. It’s something I’ve been thinking about this summer, and a lot of doubts are in my mind since then. Is that normal?”

 He leaned over, putting his hands together. “I had the same doubts, Celine, so it’s normal. I felt lost for a time, and it’s not bad if you need to get away from everything to think clearly.”

 “Did you do that, Henry?” His name sounded hot on her tongue, Henry thought.

 “I spent two weeks in Germany clearing my ideas, and it worked.” He offered. “After that, my mind knew exactly what it wanted and here I am.” He finished joking.

 “Thank you, I feel better now knowing I’m not the only one feeling like that.”

 They chatted for a while and when Celine got up to leave, the open window tossed some of his papers down on the floor. “Oh, better pick everything up before the mess is even bigger.” She got down on her knees and Henry did the same. They started on opposite sides of the desk, and when getting his head up, he found himself face to face with Celine’s green eyes. They were paralyzed looking at each other, not sure of what to do or say. Instead, they were leaning towards the other, like both of them were trapped under some spell.

 A knock on the door startled them, both jumping up into a stand position. “I believe this is yours.” She said, handing him the papers. “It’s time for me to go, your next meeting is already here.”

 “Yes, that seems.”

 But none of them moved. Celine wanted to go but her legs were not working as they should. And Henry knew he had to open the door, but he wasn’t moving either. It was a strange feeling to both of them, but when the knocking continued, Celine shook her head and finally moved.

 “Thank you for this, I enjoyed our meeting, Professor Walker.”

 “Me too, Celine.”

 Back in her place, the young girl was laying down on her bed and looking at the ceiling. A lot of things in her head and she wasn’t able to focus on any of them. She refused dating guys because she was too busy with her career, but Henry, or Professor Walker, was not a guy. He was a man and that scared her even more.

 Kate knocked and opened the door a second later. “Hey girl, are you feeling okay? It’s been two hours since you came back and you haven’t been out of this room. What’s the problem?”

 “I’m fine, Kate.”

 “Yeah…” Laying down next to her, Kate looked at the ceiling as well. “I’ve seen Travis today.”

 “Me too, and he tried dating me. Again.” Her friend chuckled out loud. “He doesn’t give up easily. And what did you say to him?” Celine shrugged. “Oh come on, you know I hate him as much as you do, so, what did you tell him?”

 “To get lost, as usual.” They laughed and Celine relaxed visibly. “Hey, are you gonna tell me what’s on your mind? Because it’s not just about Travis and his shit, it has to be something else.” She hesitated. “I’m your best friend, you know you can tell me anything.”

 “Kate, it’s fine.”

 “Really?” She did not believe her for a second. “Okay, let’s make a deal.”

 “What deal?”

 Sitting down on the mattress, Kate grabbed her friend’s hand. “I know something’s on your mind, and maybe you’re not ready or in the mood to talk about it, and that’s okay for now. But Celine, please, don’t think you have to hide anything from me.” She felt guilty for not telling her, but not even her knew what was going on. “I’m sure you’ll tell me when the moment arrives.”

 “Thanks, Kate.”

 &&&

 Henry was at home reading a book on the couch, or at least trying to. He was really tired after so many meetings with his students, but if he was being honest with himself, he only was able to remember one of them.

 The first one.

 He didn’t know what about her was so special, but he couldn’t get her out of his mind. It was like Celine Beckett owned some kind of witchcraft and was using it all over him, because there was no other explanation. The girl was sweet and innocent, at least she looked like that, and it was even worse. Henry was an attractive man and he knew when a woman was interested in him, but with her…

 “You fucking jerk, she’s a student…” Murmured to himself.

 He needed to get her out of his mind for good, so he’ll be a completely professional teacher next day, no matter what.

 &&&

 They were both on their knees picking the papers up from the floor when Henry was looking at her green eyes. His heartbeat was audible in his ears and the blood was accumulating in some particular areas of his body.

 “I should be going. Your next meeting is already waiting for you.” She said while looking at his blue eyes.

 “Whoever is at the other side of the door will leave if we don’t make a noise.” Was his reply. “I don’t need to have all these meetings today.”

 “Don’t make a noise, or whoever at the other side of that door won’t go away.” She warned.

 The knocking did not stop for a few seconds, and none of them moved, they just remained there looking into each other’s eyes. “I believe we’re safe now.” He stood up and extended his hand to her. Celine took it and stood up as well, getting close to him when being on their feet.

 “Your next meeting has been cancelled.”

 “I think so.”

 Caressing her cheek, Henry felt at home while being with her and Celine was enjoying the touch of his fingers against her skin. “I’ve been waiting for this, Professor. You have no idea how much I want you right now.”

 Then Henry was sitting down on his chair with her in his lap. Celine kissing him slowly and deeply while his hands caressed her waist and hips. She was wearing the same black dress and boots that made her so sexy. God, she was so hot that he was not able to keep his hands to himself. It was like she was made only for him and after so much time he finally found her.

 “I love being with you in your office. It’s secret and dangerous, and hot, and I just love when I’m sitting down on your lap like this.” She whispered, kissing both his cheeks and smiling at him.

 “I need you all the time, Celine.”

 “Me too, and it’s so hard when we’re at class and not being able to touch you. Oh God, I can’t control myself when you’re so close to me.” Her sultry words were making him hard, and his only thought was about having sex with Celine with her laying down on his desk.

 “I know what you’re thinking, my love, and I feel the same way.” He started getting up with her in his arms. “But it’ll be better to put the laptop down this time. No need to pay for another one.”

 “Good idea.”

 &&&

 Henry woke up hard in the morning. The sun was already up but it was Saturday and he decided to spend his free day doing nothing too important. He dressed in a tracksuit and tank top and left his apartment to go running. It was his way of forgetting about everything at least for some time. But that Saturday morning was proving to be difficult for Henry after the vivid dream he had last night. It was so intense and real that he woke up confused.

 “Get over it, Walker.” He murmured to himself.

 He started running again, enjoying the fresh air on his face and fighting against his own thoughts. It was like Celine Beckett owned his whole mind to play with.

 And the dream…

 Celine on his lap…

 Celine kissing him…

 Celine on her knees…

 Celine looking at him…

 Celine’s green eyes…

 He stopped running, breathing deeply a few times and finally giving up. Not even running helped him to get rid of her image. It was time to sit down and think about it until finding a solution. And that started with a strong coffee at the other side of the street.

 Getting his coffee, he sat down at a table next to the window, drinking it and thinking about nothing at all. It was good to leave your mind blank sometimes but for Henry was difficult because his brain was always working.

 &&&

 Celine left her yoga class before Kate because there was no way of getting focused. Her friend was going to go after her but Celine refused, telling her that it was okay. Besides, being alone could be a good idea to think clearly. “Hey baby, nice meeting you here.” Travis startled her by showing up out of nowhere. “Did I scare you, Celine?”

 She chuckled. “Well, if you were following me, then yes, you startled me.” She kept walking with him next to her. “Come on, it’s Saturday, why don’t we go out tonight?”

 “Leave me alone, Travis.” She said, not paying him attention.

 “You know, you’re playing with me, but I’m aware you’re dying for me to fuck you hard.”

 “That’s enough, Travis!” She snapped, feeling her blood boiling. “Stop saying naughty words at me right now, do you understand? So forget about me, and don’t ever talk to me again.” She continued walking while he stayed behind. She was tired of Travis trying to get into her pants, and she couldn’t take it anymore.

 “Hi, may I have a cappuccino with extra hot chocolate, please?” She asked kindly to the girl behind the bar.

 “Long day?” Amber – her tagname left no doubt – asked her while getting her order ready.

 “Not exactly, but a guy is bothering me all the time.” Celine complained. “He doesn’t get the message and it’s starting to get boring.”

 “Yeah, I know the feeling.” Both girls laughed and then Celine got her coffee and paid for it. She would normally go to drink it on her way home, and she was going to because there were no empty tables, until she saw him.

 “Good morning, Professor Walker.” She said when it was obvious they had seen each other.

 “Morning, Celine. And you can call me Henry, you already know that.” She grinned and nodded. “Seat is free, so you’re welcomed to accompany me, if you want.” She hesitated for a second before sitting down in front of him. “This is a nice place.”

 “It is.” She replied, sipping her coffee.

 “Are you having trouble, Celine?” She frowned, not getting what he meant. “I heard you speaking to the lady…”

 “Oh, that.” She blushed hard. “It’s nothing, really. Only a guy who doesn’t know when giving up, but I’m used to him.” But Henry did not agree. “You shouldn’t allow him to do that to you, Celine. If he already knows you’re not interested, he has to stop harassing you.” Celine was about to protest, but she thought he was right. “Unless you two are playing some kind of game.”

 “No way!” She snapped, and Celine swore that he grinned at her words. “He’s not getting the message and it’s kind of frustrating, but Travis is not dangerous.”

 “How do you know that?”

 She had never thought about that question, and she obviously did not know how to answer it. “I met him on my third year here and he’s been following me since then. But he’s never done anything to me, if that’s what you’re asking.” Henry drank half of his coffee. “I believe this is just a game for him and his friends, and I suppose I allowed it for some time.”

 “Do you want me to talk to him? To all of them?” Henry would do. It was his duty as a teacher. “I still have meetings to attend to, so…I could.”

 “It wouldn’t be a nice meeting, not like my own.” She said the last part without thinking. “I mean I enjoyed our conversation.” But both of them remembered the kneeling moment with their eyes locked. “But thank you for the offer. It’s kind of you.”

 “You’re welcome, Celine.”

 She looked down at her watch. “Oh, I should go. My friend will be waiting for me.” She said, getting up. “I liked talking to you. Again.” Celine smiled sweetly at him. “Goodbye, Professor.”

 “Goodbye, Celine.”

 His eyes followed her until she abandoned the establishment, and then drank the rest of his coffee. He was going to find a way to forget about her, but it wasn’t working.

 “Hey girl, you feeling alright?” Asked Kate as soon as she saw her.

 “Yeah, but I had to get out of there.”

 “It’s okay. Yoga can be too much sometimes.” She agreed. “Hey, do you want some coffee?”

 She panicked. “I…I already had one. But I’ll go with you.” Kate nodded, and they walked towards the café, wondering if he would still be there sitting down and looking good enough to eat. Celine knew she had to get over it and forget about Henry Walker in that way, but it was so hard.

 “You’re still here?”

 “What?”

 Kate laughed looking at her friend. “Are you sure you’re okay? Seems you’re elsewhere, Celine.”

 “I’m fine, just tired.”

 “Okay, so let’s go home and take a shower. Coffee can wait.”

 &&&

 Running back home did not help him at all, he was still thinking about his conversation with Celine, and he didn’t like what he heard. Henry would make sure of watching this Travis guy and have a talk with him.

 “Not my Celine…” He murmured to himself. What did it come from?

 Celine did go straight to shower, getting the water as hot as possible. It was her way of relaxing and she needed to more than ever.

 &&&

 They were on their knees and looking at each other, but this time no one knocked on the door. Both of them remained like that, but it was him leaning closer until their lips met. Sweet and innocent, with her caressing his jaw and cheek while still kissing.

 “I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I can’t get you out of my head.” He confessed with his forehead pressed against hers.

 “I feel the same, Henry.”

 He grinned and Celine got closer to him, sitting down on the floor with her legs crossed. “Are we doing anything wrong? Because I feel guilty. Like we’re breaking some rule or something.”

 “We’re both adults, Celine. It’s not well seen but not illegal.” He assured. He sat down on the floor as well, and she suddenly was sitting on his lap, her arms hugging his neck.

 “So?” She asked while he did not understand. “What are you waiting for? Kiss me.” She added laughing. “I’ve wished for you to do it since the first time I saw you.”

 “We’re both then. And by the way, I love this dress and boots. You’re like a fucking wet dream, Celine Beckett.”

 &&&

 Kate banging on the door got her out of her fantasy, realizing then that the water was running cold over her body.

 “I’m almost done, Kate.”

 “Okay, I just wanted to know if you were okay, that’s all.” And she left.

 “This needs to stop right now.” She murmured to herself. But there was something about Henry Walker that she wasn’t able  to get, and it was turning Celine insane. But, if she was honest, did she really wish to get over it? She had stopped dating because no one picked her attention beyond a couple of dates, and the young girl decided to focus on her studies. But Professor Walker was not a kid obsessed with sex.

 He was a real man.

 Turning off the water, Celine wrapped a towel around herself and got out of the bathroom. She didn’t know what to do, but she needed to get out and take some fresh air. Dressing into black shorts and pink tank top, she left and began walking down the street. Celine thought about going to college’s library but she was in no mood to be locked elsewhere. Besides, there was the possibility of meeting Travis who lived in the campus. So she and Kate decided to go for more coffee.

 “Hey Celine, you’re back.” Amber greeted her when seeing her walking into the café.

 “Hi Amber, nice to see you.”

 “Hey Amber, how are you, girl?” Kate asked her.

 “I’m fine, but tired. It’s been a long day.” They chatted for a while and she made her order, waiting then for it at one side, with Celine still looking around. “He left ten minutes after you…” Amber offered and she blushed.

 “Who is she talking about?” Kate looked at each girl not understanding. “Were you on a date, Celine? And you did not tell me.” She was having so much fun. “You know, she’s not gonna tell me, so how was he?” Asked to Amber.

 “Oh, he was really hot and handsome.” Amber giggled. “And it looked like he was really interested in her. He couldn’t get his eyes off her.” Both of them were talking as if she wasn’t there. “And his arms in that tank top… He was like a god with his blue eyes and dark hair…”

 “Wait,” Kate interrupted her, “were you on a date with Professor Walker?”

 “That hot man is a professor?” Amber asked with her eyes wide.

 “No way!” Celine snapped. “It wasn’t a date. I just saw him on my way out.” She offered as an explanation. “And I sat down with him for a few minutes to be polite, that’s all.” But they were already laughing and making fun of her. “Yeah, but they were grinning like fools at each other. It was sweet.”

 “I’m leaving.” Celine said and did not wait for her friend.

 “Thanks, Amber.” She ran after Celine but being careful with her coffee. “Hey, wait for me. Gosh, you left so fast…”

 “I had to, so I couldn’t hear your nonsense.” She hissed. “You two were having so much fun because of me, and it was boring.”

 “Okay, I’m sorry.” Kate apologized. “But you need to tell me about it.” She said nothing. “Oh come on, I knew from the beginning that something was up with you two.”

 “Nothing happened, Kate.” Celine insisted. “We were talking and he was kind. The same when we had the meeting. He was interested about my future and all that, and I asked him a few questions.” Kate was drinking her coffee while listening. “And then something happened.” She almost choked on her drink.

 “I knew it!” She exclaimed, scaring some people on their way. “Details!”

 “Nothing really happened, Kate.” Both of them were silent while walking. “But we had a moment.” Kate stopped suddenly. “At least I think we had a moment.”

 “Wait right there, lady!” Celine almost fell down on her face. “What do you mean by that? What moment? What are you talking about?”

 Celine told her about the meeting and Kate did not find “the moment” anywhere. “You’re killing me, you know that?”

 “Then the open window tossed some of his papers to the floor and we both got down to pick them up, and we were on our knees facing each other…”

 “And you kissed him!”

 “No.”

 “He kissed you!”

 “No.”

 “What the hell happened, Celine?” She snapped. “I can’t stand it anymore!”

 Celine cleared his throat. “As I was saying, we were kneeling and facing each other, and then I swear I saw him leaning towards me.” Kate’s yell could only be heard by dogs, Celine was sure, and she thought her friend was going to collapse. “And I think I started doing the same when someone knocked on the door.”

 Kate almost growled, walking again. “You gotta be kidding me.”

 “Yeah, and no one mentioned it today, so it was only my imagination.” But Kate knew that it wasn’t true. It had to be something else, and she would take care of finding out, and maybe help her friend in the process.

[armandclocksitall]

10 Favorite Songs Game

Thank you @beautifulcinephile for tagging me💞

Write your 10 favorite songs (In no particular order) and then tag 10 people or more.

1)Age Of Man-Greta Van Fleet

Something about this song just hits different. I don’t know what it is but every time I listen to this song I get the chills and I just feel pure emotion. Josh does an amazing job conveying his thoughts through this song and I love it so so much.

2)Social Climb-I Don’t Know How But They Found Me

I went to an IDKHow concert last night and I had the time of my fucking life. When they played this song Dallon had the crowd do the “woah oh oh oh” part during the chorus and it was magical even though most of the crowd didn’t know who they were

3)In Love With A Camera-The Struts

I’ve always been super uncomfortable with how I look but let. Me. Tell. You. This. This song makes all those insecurities go away and makes me feel like a fucking rockstar. Luke has a powerful voice and Gethin, Jed and Adam are all super talented as well.

4)Mr. Brownstone-Guns N Roses

It’s fast. It’s loud. It’s fuckin awesome. It was the first GNR song my dad heard when Appetite for Destruction first came out and he got a speeding ticket within 10 minutes of listening to it because he was going 90 in a 55 while blasting the song.

5)Radio Ga Ga-Queen

I think this was the first Queen music video I watched when I was really really young. Queen’s had a massive impact on my life, so much so that as soon as I turned 18 I got a Radio Ga Ga tattoo.

6)Fallout-Catfish and the Bottlemen

First song that I heard by Catfish when I saw them open for Green Day. Had me hooked by the end of the first verse. I wanted to see them when they came to my town again but the concert was the same day as my graduation. Very salty about that.

7)My Type-Saint Motel

TikTok reminded me recently that this band exists, but it was my best friend who actually introduced me to their music. This song is so fucking hype and I love it. I’ll never stop dancing to it.

8)Kiwi-Harry Styles

The most beautiful introduction I could ever have to Harry’s solo music. I love how different it is to 1D’s music (not that 1D was bad, I would sell my soul for them to get back together). It showcases his vocals so well and my mom says that it’s proof that Harry was the best member in 1D(she totally had a crush on him).

9)I Think I’m Okay-MGK ft. YUNGBLUD and Travis Barker

I’ve been trying to get into MGK’s music since he featured on one of Sleeping With Sirens songs but I’m so bad at listening to new music it’s terrible. But as soon as this song came out I knew I had to listen to it because I’ve been a fan of YUNGBLUD since before 21st Century Liability came out and I had to support anything he did. I’m so happy that I listened to it because I’ve been listening to Hotel Diablo on repeat since.

10)Turbulent-Waterparks

SO FRICK YOURSELF AND FRICK YOUR FEELINGS. This band was so hyped in the alt world it was impossible not to listen to them eventually. Turbulent fucking slaps and I need a new album aSAP. Awsten literally made a clean version and I cried laughing I would die for him.

I tag whoever wants to be tagged. Y’all don’t have to do the descriptions but like there’s a story behind every song that I like so I did.

[bthenoise]

Here Are 10 Made Up Awards We Decided To Give Bands At Vans Warped Tour Atlantic City

This past weekend The Noise embarked on Atlantic City to witness the last-ever East Coast Vans Warped Tour. While it was obviously a sad occasion to see so many beloved bands take the stage one last time as a part of Kevin Lyman’s world-renowned festival, things weren’t totally grim as each and every artist brought their absolute A-game. 

Doing our best to recap the memorable Saturday and Sunday spent out on the beach -- yes, with all the sand, seagulls and salty ocean water -- we’ve decided to do something a little different. Instead of boring you with your typical 2,000-word concert review meticulously describing each and every artist we saw out in New Jersey, instead, we wanted to try something a little more entertaining. And since there’s nothing more entertaining than award shows (unless you’re the MTV Music Awards), we’ve decided to create and give out awards to all the artists we saw at Warped Tour this weekend. If you like the idea, great! If you don’t, we really don’t care.  

To check out who took home the award for Best Use of A Saxophone or Best Band To Have Their Set Delayed Then Totally Destroy Everything In Sight, be sure to look below. Afterward, for more Vans Warped Tour Atlantic City coverage, head here. 

Best Band To Watch On The Beach

Dirty Heads? 311? Travie McCoy? Good guesses but those are all wrong. The absolute best band to watch on any beach in the entire world is the band that will protect you from blood-thirsty, limb-hungry sharks: The Aquabats. “Shark Fighter! Toughest man in the sea!”     

Best Band To Avoid Seagulls To

If you’ve ever tried to eat lunch on the beach, we’re sure you’ve had to experience the wrath of pesky seagulls as they swarm you and your delicious looking turkey sandwich. Now we all know, the best way to get hungry seagulls to leave you alone is with the classic “flail your arms in the air” maneuver. So which band will get you flailing your arms in the air the most while you slam dance to their brutal beatdown music? Well, that would be Philly’s own Varials, of course. Thankfully for showgoers struggling with seagulls on Saturday and Sunday, due to sound and production issues during their first performance, Varials were able to perform both nights at Warped Tour. Meaning, if you were a bothersome seagull trying to steal someone’s meal, you definitely didn’t want to step foot (or wing?) in Varials’ direction.        

The ‘We Waited For A Guest Feature And All We Got Was A Totally Rad Set’ Award

When this particular artist was announced for a hometown Warped Tour appearance, rumors began to swirl all over the internet. With over six years of hopes and dreams on the line of someday seeing a My Chemical Romance reunion, fans quickly gathered at the Full Sail Stage Sunday afternoon to watch Frank Iero And The Future Violents. Waiting for a possible moment where the former My Chem guitarist could bring out someone like Gerard Way or Ray Toro, instead, Iero and his team of talented musicians busted out one of the noisiest and most punk rock sets of the weekend. 

Most Jersey Moment

With the last ever East Coast Warped Tour taking place in Atlantic City (also known as America’s Playground for some weird reason, go ahead and Google it), we knew we’d be in for something interesting. Walking on the well-known Atlantic City boardwalk past some of the most popular casinos in the world, you’d think the most Jersey thing we’d come across would be some Guido getting his GTL on. Instead, the most Jersey thing we saw was, drumroll please... former Noise Presents headliners Atreyu covering one of New Jersey’s finest, Bon Jovi. That’s right! The long-time hard rock rippers busted out their classic rendition of “You Give Love A Bad Name.”

Best 20-Year Album Celebration:

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Duh.

Best Band To Have Their Set Delayed Then Totally Destroy Everything In Sight (Metaphorically, Of Course)

After an hour-plus evacuation due to the threat of lightning then an additional delay thanks to production problems, Flordia outfit Wage War were in fear they weren’t going to get to perform Saturday night. Instead, after some hard work from stagehands, Wage War took the stage nearly two hours after their originally slotted time and completely crushed it leaving fans in attendance utterly speechless and wanting more.  

Most Ironic Moment

This award can also be referred to as the “Dad Joke of the Weekend.” On Saturday, when a well-known Jersey band took the Monster stage literally a football field away from the water, we couldn’t help but chuckle watching -- yep, you guessed it -- Can’t Swim. So yes, the Most Ironic Moment (aka the Dad Joke of the Weekend) goes out to Can’t Swim for conquering their fears and playing their rowdy set of emo punk music while out looking the ocean. Also, in second place, shout out to everyone who saw Quicksand play on top of actual sand. 

Best Use of A Saxophone

While you might think this award is destined for ska-punk vets Less Than Jake or Reel Big Fish, actually, the band receiving this coveted award is pop-punk act Neck Deep. To the surprise of many, the UK outfit brought out their good pal Saxal Rose for a riveting rendition of the band’s smash single “In Bloom.”

The Absolute Coolest Band Of The Weekend

For lack of a better term, there is no doubt in our mind that this band is hands down the coolest band around. Dripping with an untouchable swagger anytime they grace the stage, New York post-hardcore act Glassjaw is without a doubt the coolest band there is. There’s a reason Daryl Palumbo, Justin Beck and company have been one of the most influential bands in our scenes for over 20-plus years. One reason being they are just so damn cool. 

Most Epic Moment

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A post shared by Porter McKnight (@portermcknight) on Jul 2, 2019 at 10:36am PDT

Thinking about this past weekend, there are a lot of epic things that come to mind: A Day To Remember closing out day one, an actual human being shot out of a cannon and mosh-pitters flipping over a sandcastle during Varials’ set. However, none of those hold a candle to the memorable moment that took place on day two. At the end of Circa Survive’s sensational set, beloved frontman Anthony Green asked the audience to crowd-surf him about 500 yards into the Atlantic Ocean. The dedicated fanbase didn’t even think twice and took the longtime vocalist out to sea just as he wanted.  

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