#HE HAS NO OTHER HOBBIES. NOTHING ELSE TO DO. BUT USE THE TV FOR VIDEOGAMES

[devotedlystrangewizard]

id never say my mom was like. objectively correct in how she raised me. she fucked up a lot. but then i look at my stepbrother booting up the ps5 at 8 am knowing he wont turn it off until bedtime. not for a new release (which im guilty of having extensive playtimes in that situation) but for roblox & hello neighbor. and suddenly i am immensely grateful that she told me not to do that and supported my other interests

[j-t-k-moved]

I decided to redo my Trollsona cause there's stuff I wanted to add and fix. I also added more detail (as best as I could) and more stuff to describe my personality better.

Warning: Long ass post ahead.

  Name: Scmare Ttieer  [Seh-mare Tear] (Origin of name is unknown)

Age: 7.85 Alternian Sweeps [17 Human Earth Years]

Gender: Bigender [She/Her/He/Him]

Status: Alive

Blood Colour: Sapphire (Blue Blood, Landdweller)

Lusus: I don't fully know what it is. It's a strange creature that doesn't resemble any Alternian creatures. [See Picture: 7]

Theme: Space

Symbol: [See picture: 9]

Weapon: Double Ended Scythe [See picture: 8]  (Weapon is around 4 feet long, rarely ever used)

Power: Aura reading, The ability to perceive energy fields surrounding people, places and things. If I focus hard enough on person/object I can see colours surrounding their body. These colours can mean multiple things, from how they’re feeling to if that person is inherently evil or good.

Typing Quirk: Capitalizes letters that are in my first name (Except when actually typing my name). When useing the word 'neutral' I cap the whole thing. Uses & in place of the word 'and'

Speaking Quirk: Very quiet around people I don't know or when I'm feeling negative emotions. Very loud when around people I'm comfortable with or when feeling positive emotions.

Troll Tag: dysfunctionalCosmos

Quote: "id rather StAy NEUTRAL on thE SituAtion. lEss ChAnCE of a ConfRontAtion."

Hive: A very simple Hive, even if a bit futuristic looking. Made of a white metal, the whole hive in a circular shape. An observatory located right in the middle of the building on the roof. Used for my interest in studying space. Doors open by touching a surface near them (like touch screen)

Respiteblock: Messy room with clothes and tools on the floor. Posters of movies and videogames on the walls, along with some of my shitty drawings. Husktop located on a desk in the back of the room. Recuperacoon is located in a far right corner by a window.

Interests: Fiduspawn, Singing, Reading, Drawing, Crafting, Astronomy, Video Games, Cooking and Dancing  

Dislikes: Confrontation, Needles, Large groups of people, Loud noises, Heights, Myself

Bad Habits: Biting my lip until it bleeds, Chewing on matches, Biting my nails,

Hemoloyalty: I do not treat trolls of lower blood caste any different than I would treat a troll of a high blood caste. Though, I do understand my place on the hemospectrum and that unless I want to get culled I need to show some amount of respect to highbloods. Describes it as being neutral, even though I don't approve of the way low bloods are viewed.  

Clothing: Black tank top coated in small white specs representing stars, my symbol located on the front of my shirt. Sapphire blue button up short sleeve shirt (usually unbuttoned). Black mid-thigh shorts with ankle high black boots.

Hair: Short thick black hair [See Picture: 6]

Horns: (Horns are 1 foot long) [See Picture: 2]

Teeth/Mouth: [See Picture: 3] Bottom fangs are long and poke out a bit

Eyes: Not fully my blood colour yet [See Picture: 5] 

Ears: [See Picture: 4]

Skin: Pale grey [See Picture: 4]

Face: Round in shape. Scar across the bridge of my nose. Square thick glasses covering my eyes. Only make up being some black eye liner. [See Picture: 5]

Body: Chubby, thicker for my height. Around 198 pounds. No tattoos or other body modifications.

Mutations: None 

Height: 5'6 [Not including horns]

Ancestor: Anwara Tteeir

Dancestor: Urania Ttieer

Quadrants: [Self insert shipping list for me]

God Tier: Rogue Of Life

=============================================================

Skills:  

Knowledge: 7/10 Conceptualization Power: 6/10 Motivation: 4/10 Will to Act: 4/10 Agility: 2/10 Power Control: 10/10 Swordsmanship: 7/10 Hand-to-Hand Combat: 5/10 Long Range Accuracy: 0/10 Offense: 5/10 Defense: 5/10 Social Skills: 3/10

=============================================================Basic Personality Questions: Link To The Questions

1. Are you a leader or a follower?

i'M MoRE of A followER. i don't SEE MySElf AS A good lEAdER.

 2.  What's your faveourite colour?

dARk bluE & REd

 3. Are you more intoverted or extroverted?

ExtRovERtEd. vERy ExtRovERtEd.

 4. Do you tend to argue or avoid conflict?

i Avoid ConfliCt MoRE oftEn thAn not, but At tiMES i gEt into SMAll ARguMEntS.

 5. Are you a listener or a talker?

liStEnER. i ENjoy liStEnEing to pEoplE tAlk moRE thAn ACtuAlly tAlking MySElf.

 6. How long is you attention span

it dEpEndS on whAt i'M doing. if itS SomEthing i likE i'll foCuS on it moRE but if i dont likE it i tEnd to loSE intERESt vERy EASy.

  7. Do you laugh a lot? What's funny to you?

itS vERy EASy to MAkE ME lAugh so yEs & A lot of thingS ARE funny to ME. My SEnSE of humoR iS wERid...

  8. Are you more Athletic, Artistic, or Intellectual?

i would hAvE to SAy ArtiStiC.

 9. What would you do if someone attacked you for no reason?

wEll i would bE foRCEd to dEfEnd MySElf thEn. i would MAkE A AttEMpt to rEAson with thEM but thAt doESn't AlwAyS woRk.

 10 . Any fears?

A fEw likE, nEEdlES and A SmAll fEAR of thE dARk.

 11. What would happen if your greatest fear manifested itself?

i....honEStly wouldn't know how to dEAl with it.

  12. Do you make desicions based on emotions or logic?

i hAtE to AdMit it but EmotionS SEEM to ContRol A lot of whAt i do.

=============================================================

Backstory Questions:

1. What is your earliest memory?

My EARliESt MEMoRy wAS whEn i wAS ChoSEn by My luSuS AS A gRub.

 2. Embarrasing Story - Go!

i oNCE tRiEd to intRoduCE MySElf to AnothER tRoll whEn i wAS youngER but i tRippEd ovER My own fEEt & lAndEd fACE fiRSt in fRont of thEm...

3. Tell the story of a scar you have

thE SCAR on My noSE cAME fRoM thE fiRSt Robot i EvER built. it wAS vERy AgRESSivE & punChEd ME So hARd in thE noSE thAt it MAdE A lARgE gASh. i wAS Still pRoud of My CREAtion though.

4. Has someone close to you died?

no onE CloSE to ME hAS diEd yEt, thAnkfully

   5. What do you consider the most important event of your life so far?  

i CAn't think of Anything vERy iMpoRtAnt thAt hAS hAppEnEd to ME yEt. i dont think i'vE livEd long Enough. ==============================================

 Opinion and Interest Questions:

1. How do you feel about where you stand on the Hemospectrum?

honEStly i wiSh i Could foRm A bEttER opinion on it & ChooSE A SidE.

2. When you look at somone, how much does their blood colour have to do with your opionion of them?

it hAS no AffECt on whAt i think of thE pERSon. i judgE by ACtionS.

3. Do you like to read? If so, what genre?

i likE to REAd SomEtiMES. fAntASy iS MAinly whAt i go foR but MyStERy iS prEtty good too.

4. What about TV/Moives. What genre do you like?

i dont whAtCh MoivES or tv ShowS offtEn but whEn i do i go foR hoRRoR & RomAnCES

5. Do you believe in magic?

yES i do! i'vE SEEn MAgiC bEFoRE

 6. What is your greatest fear?

thAt EvERyonE i CARE About will lEAvE ME...

 7. How religious are you?

not vERy, i CAn't pRovE or diSpRovE Any REligionS so i pREfER to StAy NEUTRAL About it.

 8. Do you believe in soulmates/true love?

yES i bEliEvE EvERyonE hAS A SoulMAtE, EvEn thE woRST of pEoplE.

 9. What would you die (or otherwise go to extremes) for?

pEoplE i CARE About.

10. What do you believe makes a successful life?

wEll....living it thE wAy you wAnt to i SuppoSE.

11. Would you rather talk to someone over Trollian or face to face?

tRolliAN, it'S MuCh EASiER bECAuSE you hAvE MoRE timE to think About whAt you ARE sAying & thERES lESS StRESS.

 12. Do you know how to dance?

i likE to dAnCE but i wouldn't SAy i know how to SinCE i'M not good At it.

 13. What type of music do you like?

i don't hAvE A fAvouRitE typE, i likE All kindS of MuSiC.

 14. Hobbies?

wRiting, dAnCing, CRAFting...And SoMEtiMES i Sing.

  15. What's your most treasured possession? Why?  

i hAvE thESE bluE & SilvER MEtAL bRAClEtS i wEAR, i liKE the jingling Sound thEy MAkE.

=============================================================

A day in the life of Scmare Ttieer

1. You've got nothing to do. Who do you talk to?

pRobAbly My MoiRAil, oR SoMEonE ElSE CloSE to ME.

2. The sun is already high in the sky and you're still awake. What do you do to entertain yourself?

thiS hAppEnS A lot ACtuAlly, i uSuAlly plAy A vidEo gAME to pASS tiME.

3. Describe the routine of a normal day for you. How do you feel when this routine is disrupted?

i wAkE up, wASh off, tRAin A bit thEn juSt pASS tiME by doing ACtiviES i likE. & it dEpEndS on whAt thE diSRuption iS.

 4. Would you leap at the call to adventure, or would you have to be dragged along?

dRAggEd. advEntuRE iSn't My thing.

5. It's raining and the power is out, how do you spend the day?

i would REAd oR woRk on SoME CRAfting pRojECtS. MAybE pRACtiCE dRAwing.

  6.  Favourite food?  

i'M vERy fond of thE huMAn food, MAShEd potAtoES

=============================================================

Self Image Questions:  

1. What is your greatest strength?

My ACtuAl StREngth. oR MAybE how i CAn SEE thE bRight SidE of thingS.

 2. Greatest Weakness

how Shy i CAn bE.

3. What three words would you use to best describe your personality?

Shy, NEUTRAL, kind?

4. Do you think you're attractive?

not REAlly no

 5. Name two things you like about yourself. Two things you don't?

i likE My EyES & My hAiR, but i diSlikE My body & how Shy i CAn bE.

=============================================================

Backstory: Link to backstory cause this post doesn't need to be longer

[by-ethan-fox]

“Why people latch onto representation” A story about the 1990s, videogames, anime & Magic: The Gathering

One of the things I often read, when people complain about LGBTQIA+, persons of colour and such “latching on” to examples of their representation, or campaigning for more representation is the old line of...

“so x is gay, why do you have to make such a big deal of it?”

Thing is, I’m not queer or of colour, so I don’t claim to understand what it feels like to have those aspects of myself under-represented (it would be daft of me to claim I understand this), but I do know how it feels to yearn for representation for something else in the mainstream media.

Back in the 1990s, there were three pillars of my teen years. These were video games, anime & trading card games (namely Magic: The Gathering, as that was all that was available).

These activities were pretty core to the person I sought to be. Naturally the internet was in its infancy back then, and these were pretty niche pursuits. For people in their teen years in 2017, it’s difficult to describe, but...

Video games were seen as a children’s pursuit; shameful for adults and not much better for teenagers. Everything was against them. Movies portrayed them as something for the nerdiest of nerds, television talked about the dangers they posed to the nation’s youth, and educators tried to tell us they were of no creative or intrinsic value, and were cynically made as a way of robbing people of their free time and cash.

Most of all, though, the young nature of the hobby meant that very few in the mainstream media understood it. It was clear that all these opinions were voiced by people who didn’t really know what they were talking about.

I still remember a day when we brought a Playstation into school, and one of our teachers was mesmerised by Metal Gear Solid - he confessed on-the-spot that he didn’t know videogames had moved on much since Pac-Man.

Anime was almost unheard of and highly misunderstood. Half of the people who were aware of “Japanese Cartoons��� thought they were all about graphic, depraved sex or at least, content with a sexual theme - the other half thought they were violent, and again, ultimately without “worth”.

Anime was expensive; no internet back then, and TV? No chance that a TV network would show Japanese Cartoons. Anime was only available on VHS, with 2-3 episodes per tape if you were lucky (in reality, Anime was more about movies than series, because people just couldn’t afford a series on VHS).

Still, we struggled, We swapped tapes amongst ourselves, bought magazines, pushed local suppliers to stock more stuff, and gradually things got better - but it took years, and I was pretty much out of my teens by then.

Trading Card Games had taken off, but they were still a very niche pursuit. Whereas my parents were broadly understanding of video games and anime, this was difficult even for them. It took up an inordinate amount of time, which they would’ve preferred I spent on something more “useful”.

Again, educators didn’t like TCGs. As a form of card game, they preached they would breed a desire for casino gambling (which proves, if nothing else, that they were making this criticism knowing nothing about the game - seriously; this is like suggesting that learning to cook promotes mugging because both can involve knives).

Still, we played, bought expansions and blister packs, played, read magazines, played some more... We just got on with it.

So yeah, things kinda sucked. This probably isn’t news to anyone.

You’re probably asking what this has to do with representation; the answer is that we all saw the fulcrum, the point at which things started to change, and that time was exciting.

I still remember the first times we saw adverts for video games on TV, and at the cinema. I remember, very clearly, seeing an extended advert for Final Fantasy VIII; basically most of the intro sequence (which back then was a stunning display of CGI).

You might argue “video games were advertised before 1999″ but it was different. Look at some of the magazine ads from back then and you’ll see what I mean.

This is a perfect example. Advertisers did everything in their power to sex up the content, promoting anything other than the actual games. Adverts were normally massive spreads in magazines with bizarre imagery - anything to avoid making the game screenshots or hardware pictures bigger than a postage-stamp. Videogames are lame, for nerds, for losers! Cool, interesting people need something eye-catching, it would be ridiculous to let the product sell itself! </sarcasm> 

1999 was around the time when videogame adverts started to turn around. Full-colour spreads with massive screenshots. Final Fantasy didn’t need a naked women holding a copy of the game to sell, it just needed the game itself. Suddenly, the media started speaking to us, and we were absolutely thrilled. It seems tragic now, but we were really blown away. We told everyone about it, we asked if others had seen x advert, or saw how y game was actually mentioned on TV last night. We poured over shots in films where a character was actually playing a contemporary game instead of something from 15 years ago, showing that someone who had even a basic knowledge of videogames picked it out. Hell, people even started to realise that (shock) videogames weren’t only played by boys.

Anime started to show up on TV. First, it was late-night showings on science fiction and movie channels. Before you knew it, there were whole evenings of it, and eventually, we even started to see the likes of Yugioh and Pokemon make their way onto kids television in the mornings. Given, these were heavily edited and marketed to a younger demographic, but it didn’t matter; Anime was becoming a thing. Again, we latched onto any example we could find, watching, talking, sometimes even taping. We talked to each other and would-be new fans endlessly, keeping a close watch on what was on, and when. Within a few years it was well understood by the mainstream what anime was, and that there was a huge range of it, including Ghibli and the rest. Suddenly our hobby was validated; the thing we’d struggled so hard to remain fans of was now more popular than ever, which made it easier to talk about and watch.

Trading card games exploded. Pretty soon the detractors shut up or were just drowned out by the popularity. The coming of the internet made it easy to connect to players all over the world.

And you know what? We annoyed people. Doubly so to those people who didn’t want these things to become successful. It didn’t matter, though. With every turn, every advert that validated the quality of our entertainment, every character in a movie who played video games yet seemed a well-adjusted human, every anime that aired on television where new fans could watch it, with every shop that now stocked trading cards that wouldn’t have considered it before, we saw walls break down and the media started to cater to us.

And most importantly, it wasn’t long before we were seeing people like us, who valued our entertainment, among the mainstream media. Years would pass, but before you knew it, you’d hear of Vin Diesel playing World of Warcraft, or Dara O’Briain talking about the new Assassin’s Creed on a chat show.

It was exciting - and we wanted everyone to know it.

This went through several distinct phases, which you may have picked up on.

The youth picked up on these new forms of entertainment. 

The world at large belittled them. 

Then, as they became more popular, people actively railed against them, seeing to both slander them and undermine the people who engaged in them. 

Eventually, those new forms of entertainment became part of mainstream culture and finally became more accepted.

Again, I don’t know what it feels like to yearn for (for example) racial representation in the media - but I do know what it feels like to at first have a desire for representation belittled, and how amazing it feels when it is fulfilled, even for something that to others might seem inconsequential.

So I’d say, to those of you who are struggling for representation in the media, please don’t be put off by those who belittle you. Keep working at the seams, the cracks in the wall, and things will change. If they’ve already stated, then the pace will quicken.

I’m sad to say that for some of you, it will take a long time - perhaps even longer than you have to give, but keep going as long as you can, and I look forward to the day when you hit that fulcrum, and I promise I’ll listen to you when you want to talk endlessly about how things are starting to change - because if this was exciting for us, I can’t imagine how new and exciting it’s going to be for you.

[detective-prince-bluebottle]

tagged by @agatharja

first rule: tag 9 people you want to get to know better! You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to! :)

... my anxiety won’t let me tag anyone because i’m afraid i’d be bothering them

second rule: Bold statements that are true

- I am 5'7 or taller (i fucking wiiiiiiiiiiiiiish)

- I wear glasses (i’m meant to but i don’t because they get dirty and that bothers me)

-I have at least one tattoo

- I have at least one piercing (6 distributed around my ears and 1 nose)

- I have blonde hair

- I have brown eyes

- I have short hair (hells yeah boi)

- My abs are at least somewhat defined (bitch i wish, fuck off)

- I have or had braces

PERSONALITY:

- I love meeting new people

- People tell me I am funny (ppl tell me nothing. also i never speak out loud)

- Helping others with their problems is a big priority of mine (i mean i’d like to but i have no idea what to say)

- I enjoy physical challenges

- I enjoy mental challenges

- I am playfully rude to people I know (i mean kinda sometimes? idk)

- I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it 

- There is something I would change about my personality (everything i would love to not be a bland robot)

ABILITY:

- I can sing well

- I can play an instrument (i can sort of play ukulele and guitar. and ocarina i guess lol. i also took recorder lessons when i was in primary school. now that was a bad time)

- I can do over 30 pushups without stopping (lol no)

- I am a fast runner (actually i can sprint really fast but for only like 10 seconds)

- I can draw well

- I have a good memory (HAHAHAHAHA NO)

- I am good at doing math in my head

- I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute (i used to when i was like a teen but my asthma and stuff has gotten real bad since then)

- I have beaten at least 2 people arm wrestling (idk probably i mean see aforementioned unbolded good memory i can’t even remember two days ago at all i must have beaten 2 people at arm wrestling. i mean i know i’ve wrestled the arm)

- I can make at least 3 recipes from scratch

- I know how to throw a proper punch (well i mean i can do a karate punch. you start with your fist closed and facing up, held next to like your hip and your elbow’s like pointed back, and then you thrust forward and up a bit and twist your fist down inwards, so you end up with it at chest level. idk)

HOBBIES:

- I enjoy sports (i feel like eventually i will end up watching something like women’s soccer or women’s basketball, because i am a pathetic virginal gay that can’t talk to and is unattractive to girls)

- I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else (i tried out for soccer twice. since i’m a fatass they didn’t go well)

- I’m in a orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else (i was in primary school i have no idea why i think it’s cuz my grandma wanted me to be? but it wasn’t all bad i mean one time we went to like a choir competition and the conductor called me a boy so that was neat as fuck. man i got called a boy a lot when i was a kid it was fucking heaven compared to now, assholes calling me ma’am and shit man get fuckt)

- I have learned a new song in the past week (what does this mean? like to play on an instrument? bitch i can’t even concentrate long enough to learn Honeybee by Steam Powered Giraffe i just get discouraged and shit)

- I exercise at least once a week (listen i intend to rectify this and go swimming every day, now that i finally realised like last year that i actually have fucking dysphoria and that’s why i hated wearing swimsuits (aside from because i’m fat as shit and disgusting to witness in a fucking onepiece like what the fuck were my parents fucking thinking making me wear shit like that when i’m obese as sin) i’m gonna get board shorts and a rashguard and wear one of my less liked binders and it’ll be so fucking good)

- I have gone for runs at least once a week in warmer months (fuck off i’m not leaving my house in fucking summer it’s fucking 40°)

- I have drawn something in the past month

- I enjoy writing (man i haven’t properly written in like 7 years because idk depression but i still write stories in my head when i’m going to sleep at night and showering and whatever)

- Fandoms are my #1 priority

- I do some form of Martial arts (i used to do karate when i was uhhh 14?)

EXPERIENCES:

- I have had my first kiss (hahahahaha *sob* i fucking wish)

- I have had alcohol (yeah man i love jagerbombs and blue lagoons, defuckinglicious)

- I have scored a winning point in a sport (fuck sports)

- I have watched an entire TV series in one sitting (okay wait does this count for like rewatches? because when i saw my first anime i was obsessed with watching it - martian successor nadesico btw - for the entire day and that’s all i did, i sat in bed and watched it all morning to night)

- I have been at an overnight event (i meannnn when i went to see the last jedi slash meet some of my friends from my guild irl for the first time i stayed over at their house on the sofa and left the next morning does that count)

- I have been in a taxi (yeah it was only recently actually, our car fucking died and we had to take some convoluted fucking public transport out of our place from middle-of-dead-ass-fucking-nowhere-ville (needless to say i hate the suburb i live in. and country) to somewhere where we could get a taxi to a car rental place. or was it a dealership? i can’t fucking remember man do you see this shitty memory in action?? it was only like 2 years ago fuck me)

- I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year (well i was IN a hospital but that’s because i was going to a dental clinic in the building)

- I have beaten a video game in one day (what game can you beat in a day man???)

- I have visited another country (i haven’t got enough fucking money lad)

- I have been to one of my favorite bands’ concerts (listen fuck you i’m totally counting livestreamed concerts, i’ve seen all of Steam Powered Giraffe’s youtube concerts and the one recorded in 2013 and you bet your ass i’m gonna pay $20 for the right to see the film of the anniversary concert)

MY LIFE:

- I have one person that I consider to be my Best Friend (i kinda consider my friend bunny my best friend but i doubt he considers me his bestie)

- I live close to my school/work (HAHAHA GET REKT I TAKE MY UNI COURSES ONLINE AHAHAHA)

- My parents are still together

- I have at least one sibling (i mean technically i have 3 but i’ve never met them. at least i don’t think i have. they can get lost far as i’m concerned)

- I live in the United States (i wouldn’t live there if you paid me. maybe if obama were still president you could’ve got me to live there if you gave me like 5 million dollars, but now i would actually rather die)

- There is snow where I live right now (god i would fucking kill for some snow)

- I have hung out with a friend in the past month (yooo i was boutta unbold this because i have no fuckin friends except my online pals but then i remembered going to meet two of my friends from online and seeing star wars with them!! holy shit i feel validated and less lonely)

- I have a smartphone (samsung galaxy s6 BOI i am so fucking angry i was gonna hold out for the s7 cuz 7 is my second favourite fucking number (first is 14 but i wasn’t gonna wait a decade for that or w/e) anyway i finally decided to just get the s6 and the fucker asshole 7 is announced like a month later aaaaaarhghdks)

- I own at least 15 CDs (i have a whole fuck ton of videogames and they’re on CDs get owned HAHA FOILED but i also have probably about 15 CDs of music if i’m gonna count the stuff my family has)

- I share my room with someone (man my room isn’t even big enough for me how you gonna fit a whole nother person in that cupboard)

RELATIONSHIPS:

- I am in a Relationship (*cries uncontrollably*)

- I have a crush on a celebrity (well i mean i wouldn’t say no to like scarlett johansson if she told me she wanted to rail me. or gal gadot. or kate beckinsale. or kristen stewart. or - okay this is probably a massive list of ladies i want to rawdog me)

- I have a crush on someone I know (i’m slightly in love with all of my female friends because they show me kindness)

- I’ve been in at least 3 relationships (alright fucking buckle up kids: i don’t count online relationships because i’m a bitter person but when i was like 10 i was in a ‘relationship’ on runescape with a boy the same age at me and i legitimately think it was actually a kid like me and not a predator because all we did was stand next to each other and talk about cows or something and make the avatars kiss (we both had male avatars because i was obviously subconsciously aware of my gender identity at that stage). when i was like 13/14 i met a girl at a camp during the school holidays (i went to camp almost every holiday) and we chatted over msn after camp ended and tbh i think she forgot who i was because she suddenly said she liked me one day so i decided i liked her too and we started to ‘date’. lasted like 2 weeks? idk but she broke it off cuz i was inattentive (i can’t remember but i guess i could’ve been i’m not a very social person believe it or not *snicker*) anyway i saw her at the next two camps and it was hella fucking awkward the first time because i wanted to be friends with her but her other friends intimidated me so i just hovered around her creepily and she got angry at me and i got sad, but the 2nd time was a lot better i think, i was extremely distressed when i saw her at the bus station for the camp transport and i sulked the entire ride, but when we all got there i accidentally fell into her friend group (i actually think it’s because the other girls were really nice and they’d seen me sulking and wanted to cheer me up, man kinda fucked up huh) i pretty much ignored her the whole time and after camp ended she contacted me on msn for some reason and idk she like asked me how i’d felt when i saw her at camp and i was honest and told her i’d been pretty upset and then she got pissed at me and never spoke to me again. wow such drama huh? oh and my 3rd ‘relationship’ was when i was uhh 16/17-ish with this girl i met on some naruto fansite. i don’t even like naruto, and i actually remember absolutely nothing about my interactions with her. like at all. i don’t remember how we met or who dumped who or whatever bullshit. i’m not sure why this is i mean maybe it’s because this was at the same time i had a massive fucking obsessive infatuation with a girl at my school and well it didn’t turn out so hot and i think i’ve blocked out a lot of shit. anyway i hope you all enjoyed that wall of text haha of course you fucking didn’t. well tough titties me lad)

- I have never been in a relationship (*cries*)

- I have admitted my feelings to a crush (fuck no holy shit)

- I get crushes easily (yeah well if any female is nice to me i’m a goner. also one time during high school i started getting crushes on all the girls in my extended english class like i think it was a new girl each week. it was a tiny class there was only like 8 of us, no stinky boys (even if i’d realised i was trans at the time, i’m not stinky :P))

- I have had a crush for over a year (it was not fun)

- I have been in a relationship for over a year

- I have had feelings for a friend (do semi acquaintances count. or ‘girls that tolerated me enough to let me sit with them at lunch’)

RANDOM:

- I have break-danced

- I know a person named Jamie

- I have had a teacher that has a name that is hard to pronounce (listen i don’t fucking remember. but i’m good at pronunciations and shit anyway)

- I have dyed my hair (it was really short and blonde i kinda looked like a skinhead)

- I’m listening to a song on repeat right now (tongue tied from red dwarf)

- I have punched someone in the past week

- I know someone who has gone to jail

- I have broken a bone (broke my ankle in primary school because i’m fat and dumb and tried to slide along the grass into the safezone during tag or whatever, also i broke my wrist when i was 18 because i’m fat and dumb and i was learning how to drive a scooter but i went around a corner too slow or idk unbalanced or some shit, i think i broke the mirror on it but fuck that infernal machine i had to get fucking surgery and get pins in my wrist. when i got them out it was actually the closest i’ve ever come to fainting like the doctor dude was straining hard to pull these ones on the side out and when they finally popped out and a ton of blood gushed out i like deflated and teetered in my seat a bit it was an experience)

- I have eaten a waffle today (never had a waffle)

- I know what I want to do in life (well idk about an actual career but i want to write a book and get it published and make tons of bank)

- I speak at least two languages (i took japanese for 6 years don’t fucking tell me that doesn’t count just because i can’t carry a conversation in the language. also i took a class on latin for a semester it was dope af)

- I have made a new friend in the past year

[punkwhodrinkstea-blog]

A Monsters’ World

I’m Not Alone!!! Hey folks, I have this interesting relationship with my parents which I always thought was kinda hard to describe and I thought it was a unique type of hell, but it’s not. So I literally Googled “Why don’t my parents care about my interests?” and I didn’t actually expect much to come up but it turns out there are hundreds and thousands of other people who go through the following issue.

 You know when a small child is telling you about some fantasy world that they just made up and you just kinda dismiss it and tell them ‘cool’ just so they’ll leave? Well I’m sad to say I’ve done that and we probably all have. But This is one of the many ways my parents. If I ever talk about something that I care about they dismiss it or trivialize it. At the end of one of my sentences they just say “Anyways” and then move on and talk about something else, not even acknowledging me and they send a clear message that what I just said, what I care about, WHO I care about and that I, do not matter to them. My dad still thinks I play Call of Duty, after 4 years of not playing it. My parents couldn’t name one of my hobbies other than gaming and you’d have to ask them directly or else they’d never think to talk about me. I’ve eavesdropped on their conversations at church several times and they never mention me, because I’m not the success or the type of success they like. I am treated like that little kid who tells them something and they treat me as if everything I just said is utterly useless and worthless. I have straight up been told to “shut up” or “stop talking” because no one wanted to hear about something I thought was worth talking about. Next is something that really bugs me. We all want to spend our time doing things that we enjoy, things that bring us joy and things that we see value in, right? Well of course. However for me, if I am not making money or in school then what I am doing is “nothing”. What I am doing isn’t worth anyone’s time and I am simply being lazy or wasting my life. My parents insult my hobbies and my way of life, they hang on every mistake and insecurity and then they wonder, “Why don’t you like to spend time with us?”. Gee I wonder you crap sack! Maybe because you hate everything I do, think, say and like. Maybe because you make me feel invisible and worthless! If I wanted to feel invisible and worthless I’d go back to school where I was picked on and was made fun of because of my hobbies and beliefs but now you guys are the bullies you dicks!

 Oh man, I guess I just needed to blow off some steam… this is very therapeutic. Anyway it turns out that so many other people have this problem and it destroyed the bond and friendship between parents and their kids, especially mine. They likely haven’t noticed that they’ve done this and they probably don’t care. 99 percent of my encounters with a family member is bad and they put me down in one way or another. I’ve said this before in my blog but frankly this is my family bullying me to some extent. Also you may have noticed that earlier in this post I said that my parents don’t care about who I care about. So that means my girlfriend. They really don’t understand my feels for her or they don’t care about my feels for her. To them she’s just some girl that I call my girlfriend (though she’s so much more than that, I’m not a fan of that label despite being true). They treat it the way people do when a kid in grade 2 says they have a crush. They brush it off as if it’s nothing and will always be nothing. I hate it and unfortunately I have to pull teeth in order to use the car to see her because simply using it when no one else is, is somehow a burden on them. I was recently working on some art for my girlfriend and it was a nice pixel art piece that took it’s fair share of time and effort. My Sister walks behind me and looks at what I was making. She says “isn’t that a lot of work just for your girlfriend?”.... WHAT!? Wouldn’t you do it if you value someone that you are in a relationship with?! What the hell is wrong with you?! Of course it’s a lot of work but it’s worth it because that’s called ‘Caring’ you stupid human! However my sister wouldn’t understand, she has never cared about anyone but herself and that’s not an insult, that’s legit true. She doesn’t do things for her friends because she feels that they “don’t deserve it” and she’s never been in a relationship even though there is a perfectly nice guy out there who’s way too good for her and to her, who has had a crush on her for years now but she won’t think twice because… he sometimes has a casual beer. I mean I just bought my girlfriend wine because who the fuck cares about a causal alcoholic drink? (responsibly of course) We are Christians but it’s not wrong to drink alcohol, it’s wrong to get drunk. Anyway this guy has bent over backwards to please her and treat her special and she won’t even look at him because he’s not her textbook perfect guy that fits her requirements. Frankly I think he’s lucky because she’s toxic, evil and stupid anyway, he’s dodging a bullet. Anyway that was a bit off track. The point is, I am locked in this house like a dog, I’m expected to not talk or do anything that may inconvenience anyone (but they’re allowed to inconvenience me) and I am to just exist happily in my own little world where no one cares about me. I am just waiting for the day that they take me out back and put me down.

 Next would be how my hobbies, don’t count as hobbies because it’s not adult like enough or simply not something they like. For example over the span of my life they have attempted countless times to pull me away from video games and do… just about anything. Soccer, hockey, gymnastics, art’s and crafts (not even the good kind), biking, wall climbing. Anything! Now none of these things are bad, in fact I can enjoy any of those things I listed but they forced me. They said I have to pick one and I ended up trying all of them but it wasn’t videogames. I loved and still Love them, no doubt due to the lack of affection, acceptance and fun that my parents never showed me. Of course after awhile they just gave up, Now I hardly see them. I live from noon hour to 6am while they are either at work, asleep or watching tv. My parents are funny though, they think that popping their head through my door and saying good night is a good way to show they love me… awwwwww, isn’t that a cute little load of crap. Another thing is when they try and tell me what I like or what I think. Like what?! How do they know? Is it magic? They don’t know anything about me but yet they can tell me what is important to me and what think. Go die. The other day I was busy helping move things to the new house (we’re moving) and we were building counters for the new kitchen and when we were finished they were excited to get home and watch a movie and I said “no thanks, I’ve got work to do”. I had to work on my book, that piece of art for my girlfriend and I that I mentioned earlier and there’s a game that I want to finish before I go off to college. All of these things are work and mean alot to me but my brother just said, “No you don’t”. He assumed that what I was doing was worthless and a waste of time.

 Now this is not entirely my family’s fault… well there bad attitudes are. However my talents, skills and idea’s of fun are… generally frowned upon by people, especially people like my family. For example when someone is a good singer or dancer or musician or athlete people think “wow I wish I could do that” instead my hobbies and skills are “worthless” and people think “what a waste of time” or “you have too much time on your hands” or “get a life”.

 Lastly after more digging around on the internet this is a clear sign that my family is toxic and full of narcissists because apparently this is how they feed themselves. Inflicting this upon me as the weaker target makes them feel dominant and gives them a sense of power. They need this to feel secure. It sucks for me but it’s easy and nice for them because they are monsters living in a world where the monster is the good guy and the good guys always win.

 Anyway folks, I definitely feel better after writing this, though I now have more research that I want to do on this matter. Peace