#HAVE YOU SEEN HIS MOTHER
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Dc is more consistent with Damian's veganism than they are his skin tone
#ill see a nice comic where he actually looks like talia is his mom on the cover then i open it up and its like#whos goddamn white baby is that#DAMIAN WAYNE SHOULD NOT BE DEATHLY FUCKING PALE JESUS CHRIST#HAVE YOU SEEN HIS MOTHER#damian wayne#damian wayne al ghul#batman#robin#batfam
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Why is Hera so hostile to Leto in a manner that she isn't with the other lovers of Zeus? I can't think of any other woman who was targeted so much by Hera. One could say she didn't want Leto to give birth because her children would be a competition to Hera's children, but why bother her even after she had already given birth? Is it because Leto herself is also a threat to Hera?
Sort of I guess?
I don't think Leto would ever be a threat to Hera's role as the queen of the gods but Hera might see her as a competitor for Zeus' affection, even though I think Zeus would not marry someone else and replace Hera.
The twins are definitely a big reason why Hera begrudged Leto - it is outright stated in the Callimachus Hymn to Delos that the reason Hera especially targeted Leto was because she was told that Apollo would be dearer to Zeus than Ares is. Zeus is very proud of Artemis as well. As he himself puts it, he doesn't mind facing Hera's wrath for children like her.
But the continued hatred even after the birth of the twins (like sending Tityus to rape Leto) could have been for different reasons. This wasn't like one of those affairs Zeus would have with mortal women where he'd leave them behind once the child is conceived. Neither could Hera, despite her many attempts, get rid of Leto like she did with the other lovers. Not only did Leto give Zeus children that he loves dearly, she also stayed on Olympus despite Hera's hatred towards her (which isn't directed to any of Zeus' other divine mistresses, btw). It might have also been because Leto herself is dear to Zeus, if the way she's treated on Olympus is any proof. In the Homeric hymn to Apollo, Leto stands next to Zeus - in the Olympian assembly - to welcome their son. Hera is completely absent from the scene, as if Leto had taken her place even if temporarily. Now you could say this is because Apollo himself is such a powerful and glorious son in a way that no other son of Zeus is, so of course Leto would get such an honor (the hymn itself presents it this way).
But here's another instance - in the Iliad, when Hera goes to seduce Zeus, he is obviously very smitten but before getting into the action, he lists some of his lovers (I believe these were his favorite lovers, as a lot of others are not mentioned):
"for never has such desire for goddess or mortal woman so gripped and overwhelmed my heart, not even when I was seized by love for Ixion’s wife, who gave birth to Peirithous the gods’ rival in wisdom; or for Acrisius’ daughter, slim-ankled Danaë, who bore Perseus, greatest of warriors; or for the far-famed daughter of Phoenix, who gave me Minos and godlike Rhadamanthus; or for Semele mother of Dionysus, who brings men joy; or for Alcmene at Thebes, whose son was lion-hearted Heracles; or for Demeter of the lovely tresses; or for glorious Leto; or even for you yourself, as this love and sweet desire for you grips me now.’ (Book 14, trans. A. T. Murray)
Notice how when talking about most of them, he also mentions the children they bore to him but when Demeter and Leto are mentioned, he doesn't bring up their children at all despite them being some of the most accomplished kids of his. What's more, he takes Leto's name just before Hera's. I mean, this is an interpretation but it looks like not only did Zeus love Leto the most out of all his mistresses - giving her a place second to that of his wife, but also his love for her wasn't necessarily only because she gave him two amazing children.
Nonnus does something similar in the Dionysiaca (but this time Zeus is enamored with Persephone instead of Hera) but more notably, when Typhoeus attacks Olympus and Zeus is discouraged, Nike takes the form of Leto to encourage him and it's pretty telling of what Leto meant to Zeus.
One interesting similarity between Hera and Leto is that they both had a giant try to rape them. Porphyrion tried to violate Hera (Zeus inspired him to do this) and Tityus tried to violate Leto (upon Hera's order). Though both of them were killed, only Tityus got an eternal punishment in Tartarus of having his liver/heart eaten out by vultures so Zeus seems to have taken a greater offense at Tityus trying to assault Leto.
Again, I don't think Zeus would ever take anyone other than Hera as his permanent wife - she is irreplaceable to him. There's an entire myth about Hera leaving him and Zeus winning her back. Their relationship is obviously complex and involves all kinds of emotions including love and hate. But Leto is continually dear to him as well and that's something Hera can't do much about.
#Zeus#Hera#Leto#if you think about it Leto is like the opposite of Hera#she is a great mother#she bore children that Zeus is actually proud of#she never rebels and even begs for forgiveness when her son rebels against Zeus#she's generally mild natured and never lashes out#also if you look into this obscure myth of how Hera established an altar in the name of Leto#because Leto's name was used to cover up the secret relationship between Zeus and Hera#(which kinda sorta implies that Zeus was *maybe* courting or even married to Leto at that time)#it all gets even more complicated for both Hera and Leto#ALSO in the texts that record the syncretism bw Greek and Egyptian gods#Some authors make Hera the mother of Apollo#and Leto was Apollo's nurse#Those texts also mention that this Apollo defeated Typhoeus and became the king of Egypt#So he was like the ideal son of Zeus and Hera#And it's so interesting to me#how this Apollo - the perfect son of Hera - transitioned into a sort of rival figure to Hera in the greek myths#and Typhoeus who was defeated by Hera's son became the son of Hera in the Greek myths#on a different note#to this day I can't understand why Zeus would inspire Porphyrion to do such a thing#was it to get back at Hera for the Tityus incindent?#I shall headcanon it that way (even though I prefer to ignore this version)#well of course not that Zeus would have ever let Porphyrion actually have his way with Hera regardless of the reason#but yeah that was such move and it's wild that the mythographer didn't tell us that reason behind Zeus' action#I've also seen people hc that it was because Zeus wanted Heracles to save Hera so that she's accept him finally#which is also an interesting explanation#especially if you consider that Heracles was also given Hera's breast milk (without her consent)#anyway that's enough rambling ig
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I saw @qourmet's young madam lan art, and knew what I had to do.
#better drawn mdzs#mdzs#lan furen#horse#we need to name her horse IMMEDIATELY#Qingheng-Jun#She is stunning and beautiful and the design has me in a death grip#AND she's a horse girl? It was not even and option to not draw her.#Lan wangji has to get his biting and tearing and killing genes from somewhere.#Its maternal. He inherited the hunting instinct from his mother and an attraction to people who do crimes from his father#btw if yall haven't seen them; All of qourmet's prev generation designs are *so* good. I have genuinely gotten brainrot over CSSR and WCZ.#On every god that exists I WILL find a way to have them show up in the pd-mdzs comic canon. I've already scripted the comics. Its happening#Also it's been too long since I drew an equine. Why are there not *more* equines in MDZS. This is why I had to make the equineswap au.#I''m still not sure how a horse works. but I'm getting there.#Slowly I am creeping towards the necessary skill set I need to draw Qiyan Agula.#JQWS audio drama....I am gazing at you so fondly. I will return to you with power and strength (better comic skills to draw you)#we are a long way away but...that's the dream project.
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On the topic of thinking of characters waking up from surgery, it would be hilarious to have Piers be the kind of guy to come up swinging. Not Chris.
Piers, having some kind of reaction to the drugs, is at least furious/swearing enough to turn the air blue. But the sheer "wtf?" of Piers later trying to comprehend why he is restrained when he wakes up again (was sedated to calm him down). But on this new drug he is chill and very friendly, very appreciative of the nurses who come by to check to make sure he is okay/not in pain (there are theories that sometimes the reason some people wake up very aggressive is because they are feeling pain). And Chris goes from "oh shit, Piers is an angry drunk I guess" to "lol, wtf was that? Do you know how mad you were bout 30 minutes ago?"
And Piers, who is not mad at all/actually feels pretty good is like "30 mins ago? Dude, I just woke up"
#Chris going from alarmed mother hen mode to “haha I wish I recorded that because Ive never seen you that filled with rage#and I have seen you very mad many times“#and Piers is just ???????#and a nurse pokes his head in to say “glad you're calm bow but just so you know#you really should warn us that you wake up combative so we can prepare“#Piers: how was I supposed to know??? Never#anyways i love these two idiots#And Chris meanwhile is the opposite of aggressive#his brain goes “oh we are resting? omg thats so cool i love sleeping” and Chris' brain goes into nap mode#so chris is hard to wake up but more of a “yay we can sleeping/these drugs are very nice”#re stuff#chris redfield#piers nivans#re hc#resident evil
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Illogical Musings From 'Pathways'
#(reference voice) I saw spocksjuul illustrate a scene from a star trek novel so /I/ illustrated a scene from a star trek novel#Varith is so cute in this scene~!!#Sek's hair looks like that as an executive choice on my end - he's trying something out#Varith's hair is described as 'loose ringlets' coming from his mother - same as Elieth#He's also described as 'a stunning child' who keeps SMILING to Tuvok's chagrin#I like Tuvok struggling to be a good parent - too strict and uncompromising which we've seen to be true in canon as well!#He still ends up being a very good dad - especially after being told to chill out a LITTLE dude. Goes to show you don't have to be PERFECT#to be good. With parents AND children <3#comix page#star trek pathways#novel experiences#st voyager#star trek#star trek voyager#st voy#bea art tag#[REDACTED] family photos
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I certainly have my own concerns about the treatment of moo deng but um. well i think some of you may just be racist
#this ^ isn't directed at any post in particular but instead a lot of comments ive seen. but now im gonna talk about other posts down here#and prefacing anything i put in the tags here with DONT TAKE MY WORD FOR IT DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH#but the biggest post ive seen going around rn about moo deng being mistreated and the general quality of khao kheow zoo is questionable#claims that the enclosure is mostly concrete seem to be false from all the sources i can find#the concrete section looks like its specifically around the feeding area which fits zoo care guidelines which specify that the feeding area#be a surface that can be easily cleaned separate from the substrate and is a surface present in other zoos#the lack of deep water also seems to be purposeful? older videos of the same enclosure show deeper water areas#and looking back through the news every baby pygmy hippo announcement from every zoo i could find mentioned periods where the baby had to#learn to swim and was slowly introduced from shallow water to deeper water as time passed#this was also corroborated by fowlers zoo and wild animal medicine volume 8 which suggests keeping the mother dry and then slowly#introducing water as the baby grows as a potential best practice#damn im treating this like a paper now. anyway the negatives#there are absolutely things that strike me as bad eg. public access to the hippos and the way the keeper interacts with them#for the keeper stuff in particular i'd really like to see input from someone who has experience as a zookeeper with pygmy hippos#the public access is something that i def think the zoo could improve on and even older footage from years ago shows people sticking like#selfie sticks and shit off the side of the railings and right into the hippos faces#however again the zoo seems to be making efforts to curb visitor behavior which is tough when you go from having 800 visitors a day to#4000+ and you can't remodel the whole exhibit right then and there#all this to say! just do your own research and take somewhat inflammatory comments on the internet with a grain of salt#also just to make it clear im not making any sweeping statements on khao kheow or the treatment of moo deng im just summarizing what i foun#based on what's being said in the most popular post on the subject ive seen.#for the potential like three people who will read all this hi :) hope ur having a nice day
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the lord made george mother 1 come from an 1989 cult classic nes rpg because he knew that in 2012 the people wouldve lost it for a wife-loving dapper everyman journalist who exposed the literal us president turned alien abductee turned tragic grieving hermit of an absent father who secluded himself in a mountain to study alien powers. this isnt even to mention the other dude just chilling on that mountain too wtf was up with him
#like have you all seen the pollyanna 2 art#i KNOW tumblr would do unspeakable things to him#that one panel is iirc the only official artwork of him ever. it had to come out in 2021#it dodged the 2010s masterfully because itoi. despite being unable to know for sure. in his soul he knew what would await#anyways instead of shipping nesscas we should all appeal to the masses and make toxic doomed yaoi of george and that other mountain dude#get real#mother 1#earthbound
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As much as I love reading fics with Karl Heisenberg bonding with Rose I would also like to see more of them acknowledging how Heisenbergs background is tied to his perception of kids.Because in the game,he was raised as a science project by Mother Miranda,only seeing her “children” as guinea pigs.Similarly, Alcina Dimitrescu took under her wing Bela, Daniela and Cassandra after these three previously human women were subjected to experimentations,making them forget their past,serving as a sort of empty vessels Lady Dimitrescu can project all of her ideas and beliefs onto. Living with a twisted perception that children are made with a certain goal in mind for them to achieve can actually shed light as to why Heisenberg proposed to Ethan (the wording was intentional) to weaponize Rose without thinking that this suggestion would actually upset Winters.While he claims that he’s not like his siblings and is against Miranda,he fails to acknowledge that he did internalize some of her views; therefore it kinda makes sense as to why he didn’t foresee Ethan’s refusal,as he thought that all parents/guardians raise their children similarly to Miranda.So that’s why a story partly or fully centered around Karl seeing Ethan loving his daughter not for her mold potential but for who she is might be so��alien to Karl,and him getting to understand that treating children as fellow human beings is normal would be so interesting to read.
#also that’s neat to notice how each lord is connected to the theme of childhood/parenthood#alcina with her daughters#moreau with his want to be approved by his “mother”#donna with “i can be your perfect daughter”#and karl with his..everything#anywho if you have seen/written fics with similar plot feel free to write abt them in the comments#i would gladly read them#im sure that the thing i wrote isn’t a new concept considering the game is like.3 yrs ago#but i really wanted to share my thoughts on this#resident evil#resident evil 8#re8#re8 village#resident evil village#mother miranda#karl heisenberg#alcina dimitrescu#donna beneviento#re8 moreau#shower thoughts
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Captain 👏 Olivia 👏 Margaret 👏 Benson 👏 belongs 👏 with 👏 A 👏 D 👏 A 👏 Rafael 👏 Diaz 👏 Barba.👏
Full stop.
#olivia benson#rafael barba#law and order svu#svu#i know he officially doesnt have a middle name but thats the theory ive seen most since it is his mothers maiden name#ill say it a million times#elliot missed his chance and Liv deserves more#i was a hardcore elliot and olivia shipper my whole life but Barba can give her more and love her more selflessly#its for the best#i will not take criticism or arguments at this time#barson#i just watched gone baby gone and I cried twice#every one should have gotten awards for that episode#that acting was NEXT LEVEL#you could tell how much that episode meant to all of them
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Cant sleep so im thinking about ayhalo
I think its like. one sided. qaypierre WOULD smooch that demon and take him on dates. qbad would not recognize anything as a romantic gesture. aypierre could throw a bouquet of chocolate roses at him and bad would just be like ! thank you :}
like they love each other, absolutely. they TRUST each other, to the point where i’d even say it gets in the way of bad seeing aypierre as anything more than a good friend. that’s his guy. The dude always in his corner. Friend resource label: team mate (coparent) (down to help kidnap people). bad doesnt do classic romantic relationships- all of his relationships are INCREDIBLY queer, but the closest he usually gets to what others read as romance is a classic chewtoy4chewtoy dynamic. He LOVES to fuck with people and he loves to get fucked with and if there’s a nice jawline or pretty muscles included?? huge bonus !!
he’s got something- not kinder, with aypierre? not calmer, either, but stable, maybe. pierre has proven, over and over again, that he’s on bad’s side. Spying on tubbo, encouraging bad’s pranks, the kidnapping- i can’t call it a reliable dynamic, not with how paranoid bad is, even when he trusts, but there is still a feeling of understanding that, wherever pierre’s limits are for when he cant support bad (or genuinely turn against him), it hasnt been reached yet
aypierre, on the other hand, i dont know enough about to be absolutely sure but there are some Vibes. ironically, i think hes feeling like his relationships are unreliable. max was going to have their baby, and then he wasnt, and then he left him, then max fucking died. plus whatever is happening with him and ayrobot, which probably leaves him feeling like he cant rely on Himself. like he had, if not a little crush on bad, at least some Interest in him, before. as well as several islanders. i remember the days of the Bed Threat.
but thats part of it, too? because those flings didnt have that emotional connection, and i always got the sense that he started looking for that with maximus, to Love and Be Loved rather than pure lust. To care about someone, genuinely, and be cared about in return. but he didnt get that with the flings, and We know that max was using him, but i dont know if he did, but maybe he had a feeling about it and maybe he also had a feelinf about maximus’ feelings towards bad and maybe- there’s something about that? A little push of not-spite-not-projection onto bad.
because bad IS that reliability, right now. he’s a fucking gremlin. a bastard. a prankster silly guy. he trusts aypierre and aypierre trusts him and they dont share everything but so often, when it comes down to it, it is them against the world. them in the corner, caught, aypierre shouting about kissing as a cover for their crimes while bad runs giggling away from him.
#qsmp character analysis#qsmp shipping#<- because i DO think bad would be down to ~fornicate~#but i dont think pierre drifts into that chewtoy zone enoufh for bad to get that Obsession#theyre kidnapping and escaping buddies !! who share food and secrets and strategies !!#but bad would do the same with the other french yknow#god i could go on for YEARS about how queer qbad’s relationships can get that demon is full of LOVE and that love is QUEER#i could make an argument that even his parenting style is affected by his queerness#in the way that he takes on all required roles for the eggs and cares for them SO MUCH#and SO OBVIOUSLY#as a dad/uncle that you dont often get to see in fiction#to the point where he is still in some way seen as a mother figure#but thats a whole different post#anyway this is part-analysis and part-silly written at ass-o’#clock in the morning#if i remember ill come back to tag the ship for filtering purposes but i dont wanna throw ‘i think its one sided and exacerbated by grief#and general yearning for love/stability in an ever changing world’ when prople are just tryin to make em kiss#i respect the kisser causers have fun yall im enjoying seeing it#god i need to sleep#ayhalo
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i love how unfatherly crowley and aziraphale both are when it comes down to it. sure aziraphale is more than willing to give the young people in his life help and advice and be their friend but he and crowley spent six years (eleven in the book) practically raising a kid (you just know his parents weren't around that often) and by the end they didn't even like him. crowley even suggested they just fucking kill him. he turned three kids into lizards for annoying him right after he destroyed their house. like it was that or kill them obviously but he did NOT hesitate with the newts. that's so funny to me. they're just inherently disinclined to parenthood. we need more characters like them actually
#good omens#i think if aziraphale HAD to take care of a baby no choice he would give them some cocoa#and play mozart for them and just kind of let them do their thing in the bookshop. away from the books of course.#like he would make sure they were safe and sheltered and he would be kind to them#but it would really show that he was just imitating fathers he had seen in books#crowley was not meant to raise children. he's a wine aunt plain and simple. he'd love to be called 'auntie crowley'#but he has no friends with kids so he has to be content with his brief stint as nanny.#the demon put a basket with a baby in it in the backseat of his car untethered and let it slide around#from side to side while he drove dangerously. canonically that is something he did#it's also my headcanon that he has some complicated feelings about parenthood and family roles#yknow. when you're technically one of 'god's children' but she cast you and so many of your siblings down to hell for asking questions#when the closest thing you have to a mother made you murder innocent children for a bet.#it can make you hesitant about that sort of thing!
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I'm a NATLA defender now, tbh. I think more people will grow to appreciate its good parts more as time goes on. I'm of course waiting to see how they wrap everything up and I'm not immune to its flaws, but I think people are so blinded by everything not being The Exact Same as the original cartoon than they're not appreciating its good parts. It's an adaptation, a companion, it's not a replacement to the original.
#atla#natla#natla positivity#i just started straight up crying when aang saw gyatso so i cannot saw i do not like this show#i also do not agree on the take I've seen saying this is avatar paw patrol?#like have you seen this show? have you seen them burning people ALIVE in the first episode?#did you see the scene of bumi who has gone crazy over the years for having to make horrible decisions about how to save his city#and being angry at aang for it?#did you see ozai playing zuko and azula against each other?#katara blaming herself for her mother's death?#like these topics are not dumbed down at all sorry#they're complex topics that we're being shown head on#that's not to say that original atla dumbed stuff down obviously it's an incredibly intelligent and mature show#but this show also shows the mature themes of the consequences of war in its own way
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i have spilled so much ink about gawyn but really i only need 2 passages to explain why he is Like That
1. My blood shed before hers; my life given before hers...That was the oath he had taken when barely tall enough to peer into Elayne's cradle. ... Gareth Bryne had had to explain to him what it meant, but even then he had known he had to keep that oath if he failed at everything else in his life. (LOC prologue)
2. From Morgase, Queen of Andor, to her beloved son, Gawyn. May he be a living sword for his sister and Andor. (ACOS prologue)
like yeah, no wonder he does what he does in AMOL. people will be like "gawyn is so stupid for not thinking about the fact that his death would hurt egwene" as if he's being maliciously stupid and careless, when in fact, he has such little self-worth that he genuinely does not consider himself a valuable human being whose loss would impact anyone or anything. his life given before hers. a living sword. this has been his mindset since toddlerhood and nobody ever noticed it enough to try and counteract it. gawyn is exactly what rand would have been like at the last battle if he hadn't had a mental health intervention.
#SAD ABOUT GAWYN HOURS#god i would die if the show portrayed the oath-swearing onscreen as a flashback cold open. it is THE formative event for his character!!#gawyn trakand#wot#wot book spoilers#gawynposting#gawyn and rand really are foils in so many ways#the way they are objectified and viewed as weapons (by themselves as well as by others)#but gawyn has been raised that way since birth whereas it's a new thing for rand#so rand has childhood friends & family & memories to remind him that he IS a person. gawyn doesn't.#his own mother taught him to view himself as a sword for others' use (but she wasn't being malicious that's just what being a royal is)#and then if you look at some of gawyn's behavior it's SO similar to how rand behaves#what really struck me is during the coup when gawyn shuts down and becomes very cold and emotionless#and min and readers are like 'oh my god he's a sociopath'#but he's actually deeply traumatized and shutting off emotions as a coping mechanism as we've seen rand do COUNTLESS times#but we're in rand's head and we're not in gawyn's so we have more sympathy and understanding for rand#'how can the other characters who don't have the benefit of seeing inside rand's head misinterpret his trauma behavior as assholery?'#well
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what are they like in a relationship? For diluc
do you have headcanons about them? for xiao
[Character Analysis Ask Meme]
What is Diluc like in a relationship?
The day you found out his feelings, he didn’t approach the matter like most men in Mondstadt. He didn’t smile, nor did he meet your gaze. If you had to be honest with yourself, it seemed as if he wanted to be anywhere but here with you. Yet even with his stiff expression, he asked if you would meet him on the veranda privately. There, with the sun setting from behind and a slight dusting of red upon his cheeks, he then requested permission to court you.
It doesn’t take you very long to notice how awkward he is in his courtship of you. Whenever you walk side by side, he always keeps a respectable distance. He does not reach for your hand, nor does he hold you close. Still, you can’t deny he’s earnest. Every meeting greets you with a bouquet of flowers. Every parting leaves you with a kiss upon your hand.
It takes you a bit longer to see through his cold exterior. How his frowns when you speak are only in frustration due to not knowing how to respond in a way that’ll make you smile. How his eyes tend to follow you when he thinks you are not looking. How he turns away to hide his smiles when you do something that warms his heart.
You come to the conclusion that even though he left his past behind him, he is a knight through and through. Never having been in a relationship before, he lets propriety dictate the way he acts toward you. It’s so incredibly stiff and awkward, you can’t deny that. And yet, when you look in his eyes, all you can feel is warmth.
-----
Xiao Headcanons
Self-focused
Though many of the workers at the Wangshu Inn attempt to create a calming atmosphere for Xiao, there’s nothing he hates more than silence. Many people would not expect it with the young adeptus, introverted as he is. How would they know that the worst times of his life were spent struggling to survive on his own? And the best? When he closes his eyes, he can still hear them—the melodious voice of Sister Bonanus, the loud and rambunctious teasing of Brother Bosacius—his family. Sometimes, on the worst nights, he finds himself drawn to the edges of Liyue Harbor to let the sounds of life and living draw him to sleep.
Relationship-focused
Though you may have realized it before entering into a relationship with him, it only becomes even more noticeable after that Xiao isn’t one to express his needs. Oftentimes, it’s only until after he’s fully withdrawn himself that you realize something may have happened that caused him undue stress. It takes you time to realize that it’s not because he’s upset with you or that he doesn’t trust you; it’s simply that he does not wish to inconvenience you with his problems. It’ll take time and patience before he feels truly comfortable relying on you during his weakest moments.
#genshin impact#genshin x reader#diluc#xiao#diluc x reader#xiao x reader#character analysis#thank you for the ask!!! i hope you like it!#sorry i know the diluc one isn't my best work#i couldn't come up with a satisfying last sentence aaaaa#actually about xiao though#another headcanon that i have for him that i didn't want to put up...#in a real world au i have this headcanon that xiao probably suffers from an illness similar to hiv#it's the closest parallel that i can find to karmic debt#i dislike using hiv as the direct parallel though so let's just say a fictional infectious disease that is passed through body fluids#i imagine he got it through his mother which caused a lot of health complications as a child#hence why he keeps to himself#idk haha#karmic debt plays such a huge role in him during the present that it's kind of sad that a parallel is not seen in rl!aus#and for diluc i didn't want to make it into a complete story#the question focuses on how diluc would be in a relationship not how reader would interact with him#so i tried to keep reader out of it as much as possible#hence why reader feels so passive haha
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Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.
I don't have external meltdowns.
I could. I don't let it happen.
I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.
So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.
She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.
Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].
It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.
They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.
I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.
I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.
I couldn't understand what made her like this.
But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.
If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.
And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*
And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?
My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.
Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???
And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.
I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*
She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.
I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.
So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.
But I told her hundreds of times.
I probably should have just screamed at her.
#good stay out of our yard' and he didn't seem to know what to say to that#but other than that I don't think anyone in my adult life has ever seen me turn aggressive at all to the point where people 100% like to#play games of testing my patience and my boundaries because they think my tolerance is infinite#but like I have autistic rage tantrums on both sides of my family and they are just happening inside my head#And somehow it took me until now to realize that being that way was actually -expected- of me by my parents and especially my mother#and that by keeping myself outwardly level headed to be considerate I actually took away whatever signals she can understand#to have empathy for how I must be feeling#I mean it's still all on her#but it makes so much sense of why she's fucking *like this*#And why my sister thinks I hate her just because -she- stopped texting -me-#but that fucking guy#Every time I was like#In my adult life I have screamed at someone ONE whole time and it was 1000% deserved#And I threw heavy objects around one whole other time and in my defense I didn't do it in front of the guy he just felt the ground shaking#heard the thuds and came back to the logs blocking his path because that fucker wouldn't stop parking in our yard after being asked#and then TOLD not to about 10 times because he was acting entitled to just park in our yard and was crushing my plants???#seriously I don't know what his deal was but he wouldn't stop telling me how much the ground shaking scared him like it was supposed#to get my pity like I think this guy took one look at the logs I had just tossed down and was suddenly afraid of this “woman” he was#bullying in their own yard and so my ability to feel bad for scaring him had gone straight out the fucking window#I looked at him and said stop parking in our yard instead of your own you are killing my plants#he'd just fucking be like 'well the last people to live here let us D: :)“ and I'd be like ”good for them?“ ”stop“#and he'd just keep doing it#I was having a week of insomnia and was finally having the best dream#the kind of sex dream you have like twice in your life#and this fucker had just gotten some noisy ass little bike with a spoiler on it#and starts it up right under my window at 3am from IN OUR FUCKING YARD#so I had a nice long anger nap and just after he got home from work and was sleeping in his house#I picked up these chunks of deadwood tree from the back#there was like 3-4 logs that used to be a WHOLEASS fucking oak tree Like these logs were not as heavy as they -looked- but they were still#this fucker deleted half the tags I wrote and I am not retyping that fuck you tumblr so fucking hard
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PJO fandom look at me, look at me, Percy is not an unreliable narrator. an unreliable narrator is a narrator is an untrustworthy storyteller who is either deliberately deceptive or unintentionally misguided and forces the reader to question their credibility. That is not Percy. He doesn’t try to hide details from the reader & is open about his feelings. Him misreading a situation or having prejudice towards someone is normal. Every character has flaws and bias, especially when the character is a child. Can it result in his narration being skewed? Yes. But that’s still not what an unreliable narrator is. You guys have got to stop calling him that.
#I’ve seen multiple posts calling him one#it grinds me gears#he’s not! he’s not unreliable!#he’s constantly telling us how we feel and what’s going on#people are going to automatically interpret things that happen to them#and authors often use this to create character arcs#like Percy learning to have a more nuanced view of his father and mother#percy initially finds Annabeth to be rude and couldn’t imagine being friends and they end up friends by the end of the novel#that’s not an unreliable narrator#that’s a person changing their mind#please use the right terminology I beg you#pjo series#pjo#percy jackson#percy jackon and the olympians#percy jackson and the olympians#mine#pjo tv show#pjo fandom#annabeth chase
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