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foxxgirlvibes · 4 years ago

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He gets jealous of your friend

Characters: atsumu, sakusa, kuroo, tendou

Summary: your boyfriend feels a bit left out whenever your best friend comes into the picture

』 ATSUMU

Probably the most obvious about his jealousy

Feels like every time your bestie shows up he’s second place :(

Doesn’t even try to hide it he complains to your face

Your friend definitely amps up the affection to annoy him

Atsumu huffed loudly as your best friend arrived at the park. He turned his back to them ready to flop into your lap when suddenly you were standing and running away from the picnic blanket.

“Y/N!!!!”

“B/F/N!!!!” You fell into a fit of giggles as the two of you collided in a hug. Leading them to the blanket, you sat between them and your boyfriend.

“Why dontcha hug me like that doll?” Atsumu whined as he pulled you closer to him while glaring at your friend.

You turned to him, eyebrow raised, “we live together tsumu, I hug you all the time.” You offered him a bite of the cookie in your hand, “and you could hug me like that, yet you don’t.” He accepted your cookie, pout still etched on his face.

While you were distracted by your phone, b/f/n sent atsumu a smug smile and picked up a strawberry. They poked you on the thigh, “hey, y/n,” you looked up at them curiously, “the strawberries are so sweet, open your mouth and I’ll feed you this one.” Smiling you leaned over and let them feed you the strawberry.

Atsumu was glaring holes into their head, “jeez b/f/n, don’t ya got yer own s/o to feed huh?”

You and your best friend let out a laugh at his blatant jealousy. “See y/n, I told you he was jealous of me, you owe me $20” Rolling your eyes you took out your wallet, slapping the money in their hands.

Turning to your gawking boyfriend, you sighed, “couldn’t you at least be subtle about it.” He sputtered out nonsense, face turning red, you waved him off. “And you,” you glared at you friend who was still laughing, “feeding me is basically cheating, we both know that was gonna set him off”

Your boyfriend draped his chin on your shoulder, “doll yer not playin fair” he whined. “Why would ya play wit my emotions like that”

Running your hand over his cheek you placed a kiss on the top of his head, “it’s funny to watch because you know b/f/n and I are only friends.” You tilt his chin up to place a chaste kiss on his lips, “you’re the one I’m dating dummy, I love you”

The grin that you love so much returned to his face as he kissed you again, “I love ya too, even though yer mean.” You rolled your eyes and flicked his forehead, your best friend made gagging noises from their side of the blanket.

』 Sakusa

The hardest to tell he’s jealous

Doesn’t want you to know, he thinks it’s embarrassing

Gets upset when you ignore him for your bff

Literally will deny it to the day he dies

You had been texting your best friend for the past hour and a half. There was drama going on in your friend group and the two of you were going from the group chat to sharing your opinions with each other. Normally this wouldn’t have been an issue, but unlike most Friday nights, your boyfriend was home.

Sakusa was sitting on the bed next to you, he had been silent ever since you started tapping constantly at your phone. MSBY practice had been cancelled and he had been looking forward to spending the day with you. Which he technically was, but not in the way he wanted.

His eyes left the show he had put on as you let out a gasp and the tapping increased in speed. He wanted to lay on your lap and have you run your hand through his curls, but he couldn’t be certain you would stop texting to indulge him. He let out a soft sigh, “are you and b/f/n still going?” You nodded without looking up at him. His lips moved into a slight pout as he turned back to the tv, “oh.”

He startled as you let out a sudden string of giggles. Tilting your head up at him in what felt like the first time you showed him your screen, “look what b/f/n just said, they’re so funny I love them.”

He starred blankly at your screen, “yeah, they’re hilarious.” Lips pursed he pointedly looked away from you, to the tv. Sakusa was incredibly annoyed that you had ignored him for so long only to speak to him when complimenting your best friend.

You texted your friend you were gonna dip for a bit. Turn your phone off you looked at the grumpy man next to you. “Omi what’s got your boxers in a bunch?”

“Me and my boxers are just fine y/n.”

“Omg omi, your pants are on fire!!” You snickered as he gave you a deadpan state.

He rolled his eyes at you and crossed his arms, “there’s nothing wrong, go back to your texting.”

That’s when it clicked for you, he was jealous of the attention you were giving to your friend. Cooing lightly, you reached for him, pulling him down on top of you. “I’m sorry for ignoring you baby, there’s no need to be jealous.”

He huffed and pulled your hand towards his hair, snuggling into you as you began playing with it, “‘m not jealous, that’s a stupid suggestion.”

You smiled down at your boyfriend knowing that you were absolutely right.

』 Kuroo

Another obvious one, but not as whiney as Atsumu

Tries to impress you to get your attention

Will embarrass you with his attempts to prove he’s better

Your friend doesn’t know if they should be amused or embarrassed

You and Kuroo had been invited out to watch your best friend play a gig at your local bar. They’re band had landed they’re first performance and you had been excited to support them.

Running up to the stage, you waved eagerly at you friend. They smiled and and reached a hand down to pull you up on the stage. You gave a friendly greeting to the other band mates before giving your friend a bear hug.

“B/f/n I’m so happy for you!!! This is sooo cool.” At this point you were gushing and singing their praises. Your friend matched your enthusiasm walking you around the stage and explaining the set up.

Your boyfriend huffed from the bottom of the stage as you and your friend walked back over. He reached for your hand to help you off and pull you back towards him. “Congrats on the gig b/f/n, can I have my s/o back now?”

Rolling their eyes they turned to you, “hey, cheer extra loud when we play your song.” They smiled as you nodded eagerly. “There now you can take your precious s/o,” b/f/n gave Kuroo a smug smile before heading back to their band mates.

“You know if you wanted a song I can serenade you at karaoke when their set is over.”

Eyes widening you ignored his suggestion before pulling Kuroo over to the table that had been reserved for you. Sure you loved him, but he couldn’t sing for shit.

The performance was going great, then the music changed and you squealed recognizing it as your favourite. Kuroo glanced over at you as you grinned and waved up at b/f/n. What was so great about them? So what they were in a band, you played this song enough he knew all the words. If you wanted it sung to you he could do it.

And do it he did.

You looked up at your boyfriend as he stood from his seat, “babe what are you doing?” The only response he gave you was a lazy smile before he started belting out the lyrics to your favourite song, terribly off pitch and loudly.

B/f/n stifled a laugh at the scene as you glared daggers at them and your boyfriend. Kuroo kept singing his heart out as you face planted into the table, praying the lights were dim enough that no one would be able to see you. After what felt like an eternity the song finished and Kuroo sat back down next to you.

“See, wasn’t that better than whatever b/f/n had going on up there. I’ll sing for you whenever you want baby.” He slung his arm over you shoulder looking very pleased with himself.

You peaked out at him from your arms, “Who lied to you and told you that you were the next Micheal Jackson?” He whined in protest as you continued, “Out of all the ways to process your jealousy you do this.” Waving a quick goodbye to your friend, you dragged Kuroo out of the bar and headed home.

』 Tendou

Not vocal about it but you can see it in his body language

Would hate for you to think that he wants to control who you hang out with

Once you realize he’ll reluctantly admit to it but feels bad

Just needs some reassurance

Tendou sighed as he watched your story again. It was of you and your best friend at the club for their birthday, an outing which you had excitedly rambled to him about for the past few days. He knows that he shouldn’t be bothered, the two of you have been friends for longer than he’s known you. But that doesn’t help the pit in his stomach seeing you dancing on them.

The sinking feeling hasn’t left him since your best friend had arrived at the door and whisked you away with little more than a quick acknowledgment. The both of you in coordinating outfits, telling him not to wait up.

You love him, he knows that, yet his heart squeezes terribly at every new addition to your story. He shook the thought from his mind and turned his phone off, dropping his head into his hands. He was being ridiculous, if you wanted to date your best friend you wouldn’t have moved in with him.

As he wallowed in self doubt, he missed the sound of the door opening as you slipped into your apartment quietly, to ensure you wouldn’t wake him if he was asleep. You were shocked to see your boyfriend on the couch gripping his hair. “‘Tori?” you approach him carefully, “what happened sweetheart?”

He tensed suddenly before looking up at you with a shaky smile, “hi love, how was the club?” He reached out and grabbed your hands.

You fixed him with a stern look, “satori, you can’t lie to me.” Hands still intertwined, you reached up to cup his cheek, stroking it with your thumb. “What’s going on in that brain of yours?”

Sighing he closed his eyes and leaned into your hand. He was silent for a moment before speaking softly, “it’s stupid,” you shook your head and smiled up at him, giving him the confidence to continue, “I dunno... I just- felt kinda upset seeing you have so much fun with b/f/n. You guys are just friends and you love me, I know that, but you always just look so happy with them and I don’t know if I make you feel like that.”

You looked at him for a minute before peppering kisses on his face, “I love you both but I would rather eat dirt than date that idiot, we’re so close they’re like a sibling to me.” He gave you a watery smile as you continued, “and you can ask b/f/n yourself if you don’t believe me, but you make me so happy. You’re literally my favourite person ever.”

He tackled you onto the couch with a hug, “you’re my favourite person ever too y/n!!”

You laughed, running your hands through his hair, “you wanna cuddle and watch a movie?” He nodded enthusiastically as you handed him the remote, placing a kiss on his hair.

This is my first preference so hoping it’s okay. As someone who had an ex be jealous of my best friend I thought this would be fun to write.

Have a wonderful day!!!

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petri808 · 3 years ago

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For my tumblr bestie @random-rave 🔥⭐️ a Nalu birthday gift of smut 🎁

Before opening her birthday present from Levy, Lucy read the attached card. She was quite curious about its contents ever since she’d been warned to open the gift at home and not at the guild where she’d received it.

‘Follow the instructions on the potion for a kinky fun surprise. I’ll tell you later how I found it. Have fun you two!’

Kinky surprise? Lucy’s brow raised. She opened the box next and pulled out a small green bottle filled with an unknown liquid.

‘Draconian elixir for mages only. Drink contents to transform into a faux dragon slayer. Heightens sense of smell, taste, and touch along with physical features. Magic possessed by the user may be intensified. Effects are temporary and will wear off in 12 hours.’

“Why would Levy think this is kinky?” Lucy wondered aloud until a recent conversation jogged her memory. Right... she’d mentioned the biting thing... Lucy laughed and tucked the bottle into her pocket. This will make for a very kinky surprise indeed! Natsu was due to arrive home the next day from a quick mission a couple towns over from Magnolia. So, that gave Lucy some time to prepare a delectable meal they’ll never forget. ‘Happy birthday to me!’

When Natsu arrived at Lucy’s apartment, he found a note on the dining table that simply read: Meet me at your cottage and tell Happy not to follow. Well, he knew what that meant, but why his cottage? He shrugged it off for the time being and informed the Exceed who had plans of his own anyway with Carla.

It was a curious thing to meet at his cottage now that they’d officially become a couple. He’d moved into her apartment while his home remained a storehouse for his collectibles and her growing book collection. Though the second part of Lucy’s message made more sense since the cottage provided a lot more privacy for their rambunctious encounters.

The closer he got, a brighter bounce in his step took hold as his imagination ran wild. Once they’d made the leap to a romantic relationship, it opened a whole new world to them. It’s true Lucy had to explain a few misunderstandings, like the where human babies actually come from thing, but what came surprisingly naturally was the sex. It was as if his dragon instincts were awakened, and primal urges became his teacher. They were both nervous in their first encounter, but once the pheromones had hit, it was all over.

Wait a minute! Natsu paused a few steps outside of his cottage and put his nose to the air. Lucy’s scent had changed somehow, stronger, headier, with a bit of dragon essence woven in. Was there someone else inside?! Another slayer?! His eyes shifted into a serpentine pupil and a growl escaped his lips as he raced to the door and threw it open. “Lucy, what’s go—!” Natsu stopped dead in his tracks.

“Welcome home, Natsu,” the blonde grinned, flashing the longer fangs the potion had given her.

The scent was coming from Lucy?! “Why do you smell like a slayer?!”

“Well,” she sauntered closer, “Levy found a temporary potion that gives me some slayer features for 12 hours and these,” she tapped a fang, “resulted from that.”

“Anything else?”

Lucy shrugged, “my senses are also heightened, but I’m mostly excited for the fangs because now I get to do some marking of my own.”

So, of all the things they’ve tried out, biting was a kink Lucy never realized she’d like receiving or Natsu in giving. When he bit her the very first time and broke through the skin, they were both washed over with a strange sensation akin to the connection she’d felt when she had written in the END book. But when she’d asked Levy if they’d had a similar experience, the answer was no. Lucy surmised she and Natsu’s bond was much deeper than they’d ever realized.

“Awww,” he pouted, though a smirk stilled curled at edge of his lips. “That’s my thing.”

“Pfft, well too bad.” Lucy grinned and ran a finger down his chest, then trailed it back to his neck. “I’m gonna make sure to put one right,” she presses on his nape, “here, so everyone will see it like you’ve done to me. Property of Lucy.”

“Mmm,” his own fang flashed, “that’s kinda turning me on.��

“Oh, yeah? Then why don’t you show me just how much?”

Natsu swept Lucy off her feet and walked to the back of the cottage where a bed was set up, placing her down while pulling at her clothes and coveting her lips. Hands were everywhere, both sets yanking and stripping away fabric to reveal the flesh beneath like a runaway train with no intention of stopping. Her excitement that afternoon was increased, be it the potion itself or the exhilaration it brought. Though his scent was something she’d come to love, it was toxic this time due to her heightened sense of smell. Oh, how the taste of his smoky saliva made her salivate and her fangs almost tingled! She moaned against their molded mouths in bursts, chasing his tongue with her own and mewling when he sucked the hot flesh.

Her passions and mixed scent served to fuel a new wave of lust in Natsu as well. He would have shredded Lucy’s clothes if he didn’t wanna hear the ending of it. His growls and grunts melded with her purring rumbles like two wild animals in ardent throes to rival a fight for dominance. Natsu wasn’t sure if it was the potions effects, but she was sure straining his muscles tonight to stay in control! He pinned her down momentarily. “I won’t let you win!”

Lucy cocked an eyebrow with a hedonistic grin, “challenge accepted.” Oh, she has no plans to physically dominate him tonight, her goals were simpler, to leave the first and last marks of the evening romps. Of course, Natsu didn’t need to know that. She wrapped her legs around his thick thighs and pulled his pelvis flush against hers, relishing in the heated length pressed against her core. “Now get on with it, dragon.”

“Tch,” he smiled back, “impatient, are we?”

“I feel him throbbing, so don’t act like you ain’t feeling it too.”

That was true. Natsu’s inner dragon wanted nothing more than to fill its mate up and re-stake its claim. If it had its way, Lucy would be spread multiple times every night until she fell asleep with him buried all snug inside. Their mating had truly released an inner beast in Natsu that only by willpower he could control... but not tonight with how fucking amazing she smelled. “Don’t blame me if you can’t walk tomorrow.”

She giggled, “I don’t have any other plans.”

“Well too bad.” Natsu moved in faster than Lucy could react and bit down on his mark. Despite gaining extra abilities, she didn’t have the same kind of control he did.

“Damn yo—” the words cut short from a burst of heat flooding her body and an overwhelming wave of lights dancing behind her eyelids. Heaven help her, the bonding effects were so much stronger! She couldn’t even think straight, just abject lust surging through her body. Lucy ground her hips desperately to rub herself against his cock, smearing the growing slick coating the area. “Burns…” she mewled, but in a delicious way. Things weren’t going to plan!

When he let go of the skin and kissed his way down her chest, Lucy took note that Natsu’s eyes were turning serpentine. The last time she’d seen this change was their first time. “Na…tsu…?” she moaned in a slow questioned tone repeatedly.

He stopped and looked up, unsure why Lucy was trying to get his attention. “Yeah?”

Tit for tat, Lucy caught him off guard and latched her mouth onto the junction of his neck and shoulder causing Natsu to cry out, a moaning growl as her fangs sank deep into the skin. “Fu—ck—” ‘Wow!’ His hips buck uncontrolled as her bite triggered a stronger reaction by his inner dragon. Without waiting for her to pull away, Natsu let his dragon take control and maneuvered his hips, pushing his cock in through her folds to the hilt. His eyes rolled back a second, relishing in her warm embrace. It felt so much better connected like this!

Lucy broke away and head craned back in a deep moan, but Natsu didn’t let up. Seated and grinding, he bit her a second time to ensure a longer euphoria, then coveted her lips, licking at the iron-taste coating them. Was it weird to taste his own blood? Somehow, it only added to the high. No thoughts, just carnal instincts taking control as he fucked her hard two ways. His pelvis pivoting slow, but rough, and his tongue stealing every moan leaching out from Lucy. He usually paid her other body parts some attention, but not this round— not when the only thing that could satiate his dragon was a good fucking.

“This is your fault…” Natsu growled heady and low as his lips teased along her jawline towards Lucy’s neck. He licked at the marks on her skin, already turning an angry red, rocking his hips so hard in an upward angle it lifted her clear from the bed, gaining a small yelp. “This is just round one.” He leaned in nibbling her ear as he spoke. “Don’t be surprised if you end up pregnant after this.”

“Worth… it,” she moaned in response. “But you know what?”

“What?”

Lucy opened her eyes to reveal they’d turned serpentine too. Semi-surprised, Natsu grinned at the change, but was caught off guard again when she suddenly grabbed him, wrapped her legs, and flipped them over in a power roll. His eyes flashed wide in a mix of shock and awe— Hell yeah! Now on top, Lucy locked her heels around his thighs to hold her position and bit down a second time. Natsu responded by grabbing hold of her pelvis. He wasn’t about to lose his stride! If she wanted to bite, let her, because he had something else to finish.

He continued pumping his hips from below, chasing his end. But the position hit upon Lucy’s buttons too, and the more he rocked, the harder it was for her to maintain control over her senses. Something feral inside broke free and she started biting sloppily along his neck and shoulders, wherever she could reach. Being on top was supposed to be a power move for Lucy, but the combination only fueled each other to drive harder and faster towards the inevitable conclusion.

Natsu grunted when he felt the squeeze against his shaft and Lucy’s body enter a spasmodic stiffening. Her moans and hyped-up pheromones made the area surrounding them thick, stifling like breathing in drug-laced air. That was it for him. He quickly rolled them back over and pounded fast and rough, timed with each milking pass until only a dry heave remained.

“Where’d Levy find this stuff again?” Natsu panted out as his body dropped onto Lucy’s in exhaustion.

Still trying to catch her breath too, Lucy giggled. “You like it, huh?”

“Fuck, yeah.” Natsu leaned down and kissed her with a gentle pressure. “Happy birthday baby.”

Lucy returned the kiss with a brightened smile. “Best birthday ever.”

“Oh, it ain’t over yet.”

“Rounds?”

Natsu flashed a cocky grin. “Round—s…”

#nalu #nalu smut #nalu fan fic #nalu fan fiction #lucy heartifilla #natsu dragneel #nalu smutfic.#birthday gift #fairytail

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a3shithole · 4 years ago

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Hi! If requests are open could i request Masumi with a new reader who just joined the spring truope (who at first is really quiet but when they open up their chaotic side comes out) and he finds himself slowly falling for them and moving on from Izumi?

Bonus if the reader is a meme lord and does the most weird/cursed things for funzies and enjoys making their friends laugh with their stupid shenanigans.

This is such an interesting idea! I feel honored to receive this, thank you for requesting! ⌒°ʚ(ෆ❛ั ᴗ ❛ัʃƪ)ɞ♡°⌒

This will be my third time writing him, and all of them are from requests haha (≡^∇^≡) I honestly had a hard time writing chaotic reader, let alone a meme lord type of person, so I'm sorry in advance that this turns really cringy (^^")

Sorry that I'm slow at doing requests, I was too absorbed into A3!'s last event (Various Vow of Love) haha >///<

Also happy early birthday Masumi! Hope you like this and have a nice day 🌻

Masumi x reader (gender-neutral)

Reader is a new member of Spring Troupe

1294 word

He's been frowning ever since this morning.

Masumi usually still half-asleep when it's time for morning rehearsal, but his eyes turn wide open, as soon as the Director walks into the room. With a stranger. Closely stand near Izumi.

That stranger is you.

Izumi introduces you as the new member for Spring Troupe from now on. You meekly said your name to everyone in the room. The members of Spring Troupe welcomed you with open arms, making sure you adapt to the new environment feeling comfortable. Except for Masumi.

He despises how physically close you are to the Director on the whole rehearsal. He is jealous of how the Director gave her full attention to you. And he almost tackles you--thanks to Chikage and Itaru who holds him--because you praised how tasty Izumi's curry at lunchtime, and resulting in you getting an extra portion from her.

He hates you as the new rookie who's trying to steal the Director away from him.

You are aware of how Masumi has been staring at you since you arrived here. You just didn't understand what did you do to upset him.

"Don't mind him," you turned your head to the other member of Spring Troupe that's been playing on his phone--Itaru was it?

Easier said than done

You exhaled, not realizing you've been holding your breath. You are shy when you are in a new place, but with the addition of someone having vendetta towards you on the first day?

"Umm... Did I do something wrong to him?" you asked the gamer besides you.

"Nope. It's just him being his usual self," he answered casually while still focusing on attacking a slime creature on his phone.

"He is extremely inflated when it comes to the Director, you see~"

"Infatuate. And he's been like that towards the Director for years now. I'm sorry you're experiencing this on your first day."

You just nod to the foreigner and the playwright as a response. While it's a bit of a relief that it was not your fault for him to stare at you full of hatred, if looks could kill, you'd be dead by now.

You yelped in surprise when you realized Masumi stood beside you, staring you down like a small critter getting cornered by a predator. Before you even open your mouth to ask him, he cut you off with a harsh tone.

"Don't go near the Director."

"Masumi!"

And just like that, he went back to his room.

It was a short sentence coming out from his mouth, yet you felt like part of your soul just left your body. It's going to be such a long journey being on this troupe, you thought.

It's been a month since you joined Mankai Company and being part of the Spring troupe. You are mostly silent for the first two weeks, not knowing what to say and only answering stuff if it's directly aimed at you. Masumi still glares at you whenever the Director interacts with you, but that's about it.

But as time goes by, getting a bit more comfortable with everyone on the troupe, doing rehearsal is fun. You start to open up, revealing your true, loud personality to the rest of the members. And with that, Spring Troupe slowly rivals the energy of the Summer Troupe with you in the troupe. Poor Tsuzuru basically got another nuisance to take care of, he felt like he grew more white hair every time watching your shenanigans.

But it was also a fresh atmosphere for the spring troupe. Every rehearsal became so colorful and fun with you around. You love everyone in Mankai, and so do they.

And something changed with Masumi.

Every time you crack some jokes or do some stupid stuff, you do notice he always stares at you. Like, observing your every movement. Not with the ill-intent he does the first few days you join the troupe. Because when you stare back at him, he averted his gaze away from you.

Is he perhaps shy?

Because of that, you have a new mission to do; being besties with Usui Masumi!

"Bruh," you said, poking a certain gamer besides you, "how do you befriend an emo psycho?"

"You don't."

"Man, you're useless."

He throws the towel drenched with his sweats, making you shriek in disgust.

"That is so not pogchamp, dude," you said, throwing the towel back, away from your face to Itaru who is just dabbing.

"Please stop. You two are hurting me," Tsuzuru said from the other side of the room. You and Itaru look at each other and unanimously agree to do an outdated viral dance, earning a loud groan from the playwright.

"Masumiii! Check your LIME!" you yelled across the room one day. You've been trying your best to be close with Usui Masumi. And you're not going to lie, but it's so hard, especially with his lack of response in general.

"No."

"But I sent you some banger memes!"

"Don't care."

"It's Director's faves!"

And with the speed of light, he unlocked his phone to see the abomination you sent into his inbox.

"...why is this ugly dog hitting another dog with a baseball bat?"

"That's you."

"...what?"

You scoot closer to him as he scrolls on his phone, looking at all the crap you sent to him. You just laugh and try to explain each individual picture to him. It's amusing to see him so bewildered.

"Why are you sending me all these unfunny pictures?"

"You make friends by sending them memes! I think it's working, don't you think?!"

"No."

"Gah, so cold!"

"Ooh! Is that the Shoes Camel meme?"

You jumped when one of your fellow troupe mates chimed in to see at Masumi's screen, "Close Ronron! But the name's Suez Canal!"

You two start chatting animately about the recent accident-that-ended-up-being-a-meme, while also edging Masumi to also be involved in the conversation. Then the other four members of Spring Troupe slowly join into your conversation.

It feels weird, Masumi thought to himself.

On how natural you lift up the atmosphere in an instant, even though everything that came out of your mouth sounds ridiculous for him.

Maybe he judged you a bit harshly just because...

What, jealousy?

Why?

Masumi is confused.

This feeling...

He was so sure that he is so in love with the Director, he even prepared their wedding plan and their honeymoon.

Was.

And then you entered Mankai. And his life.

Never in his life, he felt this conflicted.

Recently he catches himself thinking about you randomly. When listening to a song. Or eating his lunch.

And he feels warm when you're around. The way you talk to him is... different. It doesn't feel like this when he talks to Izumi.

...why was he so obsessed with Izumi to begin with anyway?

Masumi is indeed confused.

"Hey," he jolted from a sudden touch from someone on his shoulder. Turning his head, you are standing behind him, with concern plastered on your face.

"You've been standing here for a long time, are you okay?" he relaxed a bit, "...yeah."

You might be annoying at times, but not the over-bearing type from his view, but you know when to tone down your usual energy, "hmm... just know that if you need any help, I'm here for you. I might be useless, but I'm not as useless as the 'G' in Lasagna!"

He realizes that maybe, he was too naïve for clinging onto what he felt for Izumi. He needs to grow as a person, sure, he loves Izumi. But he now realizes it's not that kind of love. With his newfound feeling towards you, however. It feels different.

For the first time, you see a smile on his face.

#a3 #a3!#a3 x reader #a3 imagines #act! addict! actors!#usui masumi #masumi usui #a3! masumi #masumi usui x reader #usui masumi x reader #fanfic #reader insert

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marvxlousqueen · 4 years ago

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So Fucking Sore- Bucky x Loki x Reader

i have returned from the dead to deliver this smut for my friend’s birthday LMAOO anyways for this let’s just pretend tony killed thanos in endgame and brought back nat and gamora and nobody died haha yes anyways bucky is a simp in this tbh (and i’ve never written for loki so forgive me if it’s bad LMAOO)

anyways happy bday bestie (don’t wanna expose ur name on here lol) love u <3

word count: 3.5k

The Avengers compound was more full than it had ever been. Finally, every floor was filled, every guest room taken, some sleeping bags even rolled onto the floor. Tony hadn’t planned to host the entirety of the avengers force, some odd one thousand people. After defeating Thanos and fixing the time lines, Tony felt as though they deserved a break and a celebration. Although most people were still recovering and wouldn’t stay for long at the party, he figured laughter is the best medicine- that, and he always loved an occasion to show off his hosting skills.

Tony’s invitation even extended to the staff at the compound, which is how (Y/n) found herself holding a rsvp letter, trying to decide which box to check off.

“Yes [ ] (+1) No [ ]”

She fumbled with the letter, pen getting heavy in her hand. She was seated in her office, taking her lunch break in between helping some of the injured Wakandan soldiers. Being an on-site nurse, of course she had had encounters with the team, but nothing like this party would be.

Would it be embarrassing if I didn’t have a plus one, she thought

She was interrupted by a knock at her door. “Come in,” she said without looking up.

The door slowly opened and Bucky entered, small smile on his face.

“Hey.. just figured I’d bring you some snacks. Figure you must be real busy in the infirmary.”

He set a plate of strawberries on the table with a bottle of water, metal arm extending towards her. (Y/n) could briefly see her reflection in the shine of the vibranium. She lost herself for a moment, examining his arm.

“(Y/n)?”

“What- oh yeah! Super busy. Thanks, Buck,” she gave him a smile, cheeks burning.

They had always had some sort of chemistry, but she just couldn’t quite get a read on it enough to make a move. Ever since reconnecting with Steve, Bucky had gotten back into his old ways. Still a giant flirt, just maybe a little more shy than in the 40s. He loved to toss some pick up lines around whenever he wound up in the infirmary (which was a little too often), so (Y/n) couldn’t figure out if he really liked her or was flirty with everyone.

“What’s that you got there?” He motioned to the rsvp letter on her desk, still unanswered.

“Oh, invitation to Tony’s party thing this weekend. Think he’s trying to get a head count for seats and food. Don’t think I’m going to go, though.”

Bucky pulled up a chair to her desk, “Why wouldn’t you go? You should be celebrating too, I mean- half of us wouldn’t be in this good of a condition without your healing hands.”

His lips pulled into a smirk as he saw her smile shyly. He loved how we could always make her melt at the slightest compliement.

“I think it might be a little embarrassing to show up without a plus one.. I don’t know, it’s probably stupid, but it seems like everyone has someone, you know?”

(Y/n) shrugged, not sure how else to explain her thoughts.

Bucky nodded, running a hand through his hair, “So- what, you’re waiting for someone to ask you?”

“I- No, but it would be nice, I guess.”

Bucky felt his face heat up. Here’s my chance, he thought. A chance to get some real action because I’ve been out of it for too fucking long.

(Y/n) looked up at him, waiting for a response. When nothing came, she pushed through her nerves. “You don’t have a date, do you?”

His eyes snapped up to hers, wide with worry. “I-uh-no. D-don’t need one. Just a party, you know? Kinda stupid to get a date for a party like this.”

“Oh- yeah, totally,” (Y/n) stumbled over her words, facing burning with embarrassment. Did he call me stupid? Well, I guess that answers my questions- he is definitely NOT into me.

Bucky almost slapped himself after seeing the way (Y/n)’s face dropped. THAT CAME OUT WRONG THAT CAME OUT WRONG THAT CAME OUT WRONG!! He meant to come off as relaxed and nonchalant like he used to be, but instead he sounded like a dick.

Before he could get an apology out, another knock was heard from her office door. “C-come in!”

Steve opened the door, “Hey- oh hey buck,” Bucky awkwardly waved at him, still busy screaming at himself, “anyways, (Y/n)- Thor’s got friends on the way and apparently they got a little scuffed up on the way from Norway, so you think you can head in and check on em?”

“Yes! Totally! Uh- bye Bucky, I-I’ll see you.” She jumped out of her seat and rushed off down the hall, happy to get away from this tension with Bucky.

Steve watched her speed off down the hall before turning back to his old friend. “So.. how’s that going?”

Bucky sighed, “It’s not going at all. I think I accidently called her dumb? I don’t know- I kinda blacked out for a minute there.”

Steve patted him on the shoulder, “You’ll be fine. You got plenty of time to fix anything and make your move when you’re ready, all right?”

He understood how his friend was having some difficulties. While he was far more stable then he used to be, Bucky still had his moments and was working through them. Steve couldn’t be prouder.

“I guess you’re right. As long as no other guy tries to scoop her up.”

(Y/n) entered the infirmary, breathing hard from the speed walk she took to escape that awkwardness. Laying on two of the beds was a tall man with long black hair and some sort of creature with knives attached to it’s hands.

“(Y/n)! My friends require your services!” Thor shouts, embracing her in a hug.

She laughs as he squeezes her tightly, “Of course! Now let me go so I can help-”

The man who was reclining on the first bed sat up, eyebrows raised. “You’re a healer?”

She looked towards him, noting his accent was similar to Thor’s, “Well- no. Not a healer, just a nurse, but I’ll do my best. With all this new tech it’ll be real easy to batch you up. What happened?”

Thor spoke up, “My dear friend here,” he motioned toward the creature with the blades for hands, “Miek- got into a argument with my dear brother and knives were thrown. Just minor stab wounds of course, but it would be nice for them to be healed before Stark’s feast.”

“Your brother?” She looked towards the man with black hair, who offered a smile. “You’re Loki?”

“The trickster god indeed.”

Her face heated up, partially in fear and partially in awe. Before her was the man who constantly tried to rule Earth. “Are you-,” she turned to Thor, “is he allowed to be here?”

“Of course! He aided me in our fight against Thanos. He stands as an avenger now.”

Loki rolled his eyes and began to spin a small knife he pulled from his boot. (Y/n) nodded, still registering everything, “Well, uh , okay then. Where’s the stab wound?”

Loki moved to lift his shirt. On his left side was a gash still dripping blood. (Y/n) took a deep breathe, forcing herself to focus on his wound and not the outline of his abs and the way sweat was dripping down.

“Oh- jesus christ, okay. Let me get some stuff.”

The creature on the other bed made a noise and (Y/n) realized he was injured too, a small blade sticking out of his leg.

“Okay, I’ll be right back.” She ran to the other side to grab materials and begin patching them up. The process went like a blur. All she could feel was the way Loki’s body felt warm against hers, not like the cold she was expecting from his being a dark elf. His hand brushed against hers as he admired her handy work, eyes moving from her face to her form. Finally she was done and seated back in her office, yelling at herself for being so horny today for no goddamn reason.

As she took a seat once again, she noticed the still blank rsvp card.

God-fucking-damn it

She still had a decision to make. As she went to check the “No [ ]” box, her door opened. Loki walked in and quickly made himself comfortable, sitting across from her.

“I wish to thank you for the help.”

(Y/n) nodded, eyes wide, “Of course, yeah, anyth-”

“I also wish to invite you to Stark’s feast.”

She froze, mouth slightly open. I don’t even know this dude! And he’s killed a shit ton of people..

“Uh, well,” oh fuck it, “I would love that. Thanks.”

He smiled, “I’ll see you then, (Y/n).”

He left and closed the door behind him. She rushed to fill out the card and went to find Tony. Knowing him, he’d probably be down in his lab playing robots with Morgan. (Y/n) hopped in the elevator and headed towards the basement above the parking garage. It stopped around 3 floors down and the sign flashed “gym.” The doors opened and Bucky entered, sweaty from trying to workout and get rid of all these new feelings he’s having. He didn’t look up from his phone until the doors closed behind him.

His eyes landed on hers, “O-oh hey! Hi.”

(Y/n) gave him a wave and looked down at her letter, rolling it up in her hands.

“You going to the party?”

“Yep.”

“That’s good! Really good! Because you really don’t need a date for stuff like this, we’re all friends, right?” Bucky was desperately trying to make up for what he had said earlier.

“I have a date actually.”

His eyes widened, “What? Who?”

She turned and shrugged, “Just some guy I met, don’t think you would know him.”

A light went off in his head- she’s trying to make me jealous, isn’t she! She doesn’t have a date! She just wants me to make my move!

Bucky laughed and gave her a smirk, “You don’t have to lie to impress me, doll.”

She whipped around, “Excuse me? You don’t think I can get a date?”

His cheeks turned bright red, “W-what? No, you’re just trying to make me jealous.. right?”

Her jaw dropped, “You are so full of it.”

The elevator dinged and (Y/n) exited into the basement, leaving Bucky’s head full of questions.

Did I just fuck up again, he thought.

The next few days past fairly quickly. (Y/n) spent her time in the medical bay once again, dealing with minor injuries and organizing the first aid kits. The few highlights she did have was a quick lunch with Loki, which seemed very abnormal for him. He showed up in her office with, as he called it, “Midgardian Trash,” which was just a plate of different snack foods that Clint had recommended. They ate in a comfortable silence, sharing a few thoughts here and there, until he took his que to leave. (Y/n) walked him to the door and was surprised when he pressed a kiss to her cheek, making her face heat up.

“See you tomorrow, dear (Y/n).”

She stumbled out a response, making him laugh at her speechlessness. After work she rushed to prepare herself for Saturday night.

It was probably the biggest party upstate New York had ever seen. Completely catered, a professional band, everyone dressed up in their finest clothing. (Y/n) would’ve felt completely out of place if it wasn’t for Loki’s arm wrapped around her waist as they entered. He was dressed in a black suit with a dark green tie, constantly repping his main color. Time flew as they spun on the dance floor and drank a little too much, although alcohol didn’t seem to have much effect on him. Loki excused himself to the restroom as (Y/n) downed a glass of water to sober up. She felt someone sit next to her at the bar.

“Look, I’m not interested-”

“Are you crazy? Like- do you genuinely have a death wish?”

She looked beside her and was face to face with Bucky. It felt weird to see him so dressed up. She was used to the sweats and t-shirts, but she had to admit that he cleaned up nice.

“What are you talking about?”

He glared at her, “Loki? Your date is LOKI. Steve filled me in, I know everything. He’s killed people, (Y/n)! A lot of them!”

“So have you.”

“I-” His voice faltered. “That’s different, you know it is. I’m just worried about you, that’s all.”

“Well don’t be. He’s actually a pretty good guy. And here he comes now.”

Loki appeared, tapping Bucky on the shoulder, “can I help you?”

“We were just talking.”

He laughed, “seems you would rather do much more than that.”

(Y/n)’s brows furrowed, ‘What does that mean?”

Bucky’s face turned red, “nothing! I guess I’ll leave you two alone now.”

“Nonsense,” Loki pushed him back into the chair. “Tell the woman what you think of her. Perhaps it could work out for you, or for us both.”

“What!?”

(Y/n) was confused again, “What the fuck are you guys talking about?”

Loki looked her up and down, “don’t be a fool. He fancies you, as do I. I propose an agreement-”

“wait what,” she looked at Bucky, “you like me? Like- more than a friend?”

He looked down at the table, confused and frustrated about his feelings and about how this alien douchebag was making fun of him. He swallowed the lump in his throat and spoke up.

“Listen asshole-”

Loki rolled his eyes, “do you wish to mount the lady or no?”

(Y/n) choked on her water, “what the fuck-”

Bucky’s eyes felt like they would fall out of his head, but he responded instinctively, “yes, god yes.”

Butterflies went off in (Y/n)’s stomach, eyes locked onto Bucky’s face.

“Great. So do I. So we shall share her then? Tonight? What do you think?”

Loki turned to (Y/n), who was in shock.

“I-what?”

“Tonight, the two of us, yes? In your chambers, perhaps.”

“I-uh, okay.”

Bucky licked his lips, “Okay?”

“Yes, I mean-fuck, why not. You are both.. wow.”

Loki laughed, “Great, but truly shocking how blind you mortals are to each other.”

The three of them sat in a weird tension at the bar while waiting for Tony to give his toast. After about 10 minutes of emotional rambling, Tony finally raised his glass to the Avengers. (Y/n) downed her drink and looked to the two men sitting beside her. Locking eyes, they shared a common thought and all excused themselves one by one. They found their way into (Y/n)’s bedroom, where she made herself at home by throwing off the heels she had been wearing all night.

“So-uh-”

Bucky cut off her rambling with a hot, open mouthed kiss pressed to her lips. His hands trailed down her sides and grabbed her ass. He pulled away, breathing hard. “You have no idea, how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

He suddenly felt far more confident and began to strip off his suit, starting with the tie that had been choking him all night. Loki threw off his coat and pushed (Y/n) onto her bed.

“I want you to kneel.”

She stood up on her knees, face flushed, waiting for his next move. He slowly undid his pants and pulled out his cock.

Well, yeah, he’s definitely packing

(Y/n) pressed a kiss to the tip before licking her way from the bottom back to the top. She took a deep breath and took him in her mouth as far as she could. Loki began to thrust, gripping her hair and pushing her forward, using her mouth as a fucktoy. (Y/n) opened her eyes to look up at him and noticed Bucky on the side, hand in his pants, eyes zeroed in on her mouth. She motioned for Bucky to strip, making him drop his pants and boxers, leaving him now completely exposed. His hand continued to pump his length, whimpers leaving his mouth. Loki noticed (Y/n)’s eye’s on Bucky and pulled away from her, leaving spit and precum dripping down her mouth.

“Take her.”

Bucky’s face flushed, embarrassed to be doing exactly what some other dude told him to. He walked towards the bed, cock standing proudly.

“Is this okay?”

(Y/n) nodded yes, grabbing him by the shoulders and pulling him onto the bed with her. With Bucky underneath her, she lined up with his dick and sunk down onto it.

“Fuck! Jesus-fuck-”

(Y/n) couldn’t think for a moment, too distracted by how much he was stretching her. Bucky’s head was thrown up and his grip on her thighs tightened. He lifted his tips and bucked into her, making her gasp again.

Regaining her composure, (Y/n) began to roll her hips. As she rode him, Bucky sat up and his lips found their way to her neck, leaving marks up and down it. From the side of the bed, she could see Loki completely exposed now, hand running up and down his length as he watched them. He smirked as he caught her eye, making it more of a show.

His hand moved faster before focusing on his tip. (Y/n)’s thoughts were broken from him as Bucky began to paw at her clit, rubbing it just the right way. Her hands went to his hair, pulling him close.

“God, so fucking-shit-so tight-”

Bucky’s voiced was strained, trying not to finish before her, but (Y/n) was making it difficult with how tight she was clamped around him.

“Fuck-i’m so close, please!”

Bucky started thrusting up into her, “say my name-fuck”

“Bucky! Please!”

He rammed into her with a quick pace, hands groping her ass. (Y/n) a warmth growing in her, squeezing his dick even more. Finally, she reached her peak and exploded around him, dripping her juices down his dick. Bucky quickly flipped them over, putting one of her legs over his shoulder and started to pound into her. (Y/n) choked on her breath, completely overwhelmed from the overstimulation. Bucky’s thrusts began to stutter until he bucked one last time, going deep into her and exploding. He filled her up and slowly pulled out, seeing his cum dripping out of her.

“Holy shit.”

(Y/n) laughed, trying to catch her breath, “thanks, you too.”

“Quite the show, indeed.”

(Y/n) had almost forgot there was a whole other dude waiting to fuck her. Looking over, Loki’s cock was still standing tall, the tip burning red.

He stood up and made his way to the bed, “On your hands and knees.”

His command made butterflies form in her stomach. (Y/n) turned over and got on her hands and knees. Loki entered her without warning, making her scream out in surprise. His hand came to her head, pushing her into the mattress. His pace picked up as he slammed into her.

“Jesus-fucking-god!”

Loki laughed through his heavy breathing, literally fucking her into the mattress.

“Let’s get something in that mouth, yes? Barnes-”

Bucky’s eyes moved from watching where Loki was connecting with (Y/n) to her mouth. “Sure-yeah, fuck yes.”

Bucky was thankful for his super soldier qualities because he was already up for round two. He got on the bed, dick facing (Y/n)’s mouth. She got back on her hands and kissed his tip before he pushed in. Bucky let (Y/n) control the pace although most times she was pushed on his dick by Loki’s hard thrusts. (Y/n) lost track of time as she getting literally fucking railed. Loki’s thrusts began to speed up and sweat was dripping down his godly body.

(Y/n) felt the coil in her stomach tighten again, warmth spreading through out her, she was close, moaning around Bucky’s length. He pulled out of her mouth and began to jerk off, enjoying the show Loki and her were putting on.

(Y/n) screamed as she reached her climax for the second time that night, eyes rolling to the back of her head, but Loki didn’t slow. He continued until one finally thrust, he pulled out and spilled onto her back, throwing his head back.

The noises (Y/n) was making made Bucky cum into his own hand before collapsing on the bed.

(Y/n) dropped onto the bed, legs shaking. “Jesus- fuck.”

Bucky put a hand to her cheek, “you okay? We didn’t hurt you, did we?”

She shook her head, “No, just-fuck- I’m gonna be so fucking sore.”

#Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes smut #Sebastian Stan #loki #loki x reader #loki smut #tom hiddleston

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alexawynters · 3 years ago

Text

Venting. Don’t take this too seriously it’s fine I’m fine.

So my recent ex gf of 8 months (I count the time we were fucking around as well as dating bc let’s not lie I caught feels early because I’m pathetic) who broke up with me a little over two months ago is now hooking up with one of my closest friends.

Its cool. I still cry myself to sleep, have nightmares, and wake up crying throughout the night but it’s fine. I spend more time drunk than sober (I had been doing so well! It was two years since I was last an alcoholic) and replaying every red flag, every moment where I thought to myself “you know, I don’t think she really likes me, you don’t treat the people you like this way right?” And then my dumb desperate ass was like “no we’re going to overlook this because surely she would tell me right? Besides I’m asking for too much, I should just be grateful she even expressed any interest at all. Stop being needy. Stop asking for anything other than what she is giving you because you’re lucky she’s even with you, what’s wrong with you?

Like. The first two months we were together? I called my besties every other week crying because I felt like a human sex toy. She didn’t even seem to want to do relationship things. I didn’t understand why she even asked me out, I had told her before we got together if all she wanted to be was fwb that was okay. But she asked me out so I was like okay cool. You want to date me. As in be in a relationship. I’m excited for this. Let’s do relationship things. We didn’t often do relationship things. We did sexual ones instead.

Then after two months suddenly the sex all but stopped. I thought to myself okay cool every relationship hits a plateau, and levels out. This is normal. Little did I know that was the slow death of us. The. I was calling my besties every other week again, still crying, begging to know what I was doing wrong. Why wasn’t I good enough? Why didn’t she seem interested but was still with me? What was I doing wrong? What was I not doing enough of, or too much of, or just not doing right? What was wrong with me that I couldn’t seem to interest her beyond the bare bones minimum?

I found myself begging for her to spend time with me. I lived with roommates who were our friends, and it always felt like she wanted to spend more time with them than me. I had to ask her if we could have some “just us” nights which, rarely were ever actually just us unless we went out. There were times she would literally, every five minutes look out the window to see when my roommates were home, and I was like ???? Do you not want to spend time with me? She would go to the kitchen to get something and be gone for twenty minutes to an hour at a time, having gotten distracted and hanging out with them. Which isn’t inherently bad to be clear but it happened so often and I wondered. I never forgot about her when I was leaving the room and got stopped for a conversation. If I knew I was going to be long I would text her to invite her or let her know.

I had even told her if she wants to just hang out with them, she could. I genuinely wouldn’t have minded that. Have fun with your friends, you should. I could hang out in my room and be me (I’m incredibly introverted, autistic, and have anxiety, and the living situation had me ~*stressed*~ out) but she didn’t want to do that.

If we were out on a date, she was almost always texting, or snap chatting somebody else. I always tried to make it a point to focus on us when we were in dates, but it never felt reciprocated. I brought it up and then felt like an asshole for already asking for just us time, and now to please not be on your phone when we’re on a date. She looked so sad, like I had scolded her. I would replay it over and over in my head - I tried to be gentle and polite, not accusing or angry. I checked my words carefully and ran them by multiple people to try to be as non aggressive and non accusatory as I could before I ever spoke them to her. Clearly I didn’t succeed.

She has OCD (nothing against it and I usually found it endearing) and would sometimes go into a loop. I always tried to help her but usually just ended up frustrating her. She snapped at me on occasions including in front of my friends and didn’t often apologize for it. Something my friends brought up after she did it in front of them, and I made excuses for it. She was stressed out, I would be too, stop being so hard on her.

She never planned anything with me, I always had to do it. I brushed it off as her having anxiety and not liking planning, but when she asked me “oh we’re still doing that?” for the trip for my nieces wedding in which I was taking her to meet my (extremely judgey) family, the trip that I had been updating her on weekly about the plans trying to get any input from her on, the trip that I had to pull in favors for and grovel to get the time off to go to? I should have said never mind and cancelled it.

She didn’t even help plan my birthday. My best friends did, and showed me the texts where they were getting frustrated with her lack of input on it because she’s my girlfriend and surely she would want to participate in that? Want to help surprise me? It was my first surprise party ever. I told her thank you and she acted like she had absolutely had a hand in planning. Meanwhile my friends all got together while she and I were gone to vent about how pisses they were at her for her lack of effort.

I have some childhood trauma and I don’t like to be touched sexually. I’ll touch my partner and even enjoy it but I don’t like being touched. It triggers me. But she said no less than three times to different people “yeah I’ve still never gone down on a girl or anything” which made me feel like I wasn’t being a good enough girlfriend. So I got sex therapy. I worked through it as best I could. Not for me. I didn’t want to be touched that way but I wanted my girlfriend to be happy. I wanted to do right by her and give her everything she wanted or needed in a relationship. Right about this time is where the sex stopped. She also stopped flirting or doing things she used to do before we started/right as we started dating that were clear indicators that she liked me. (I am an oblivious idiot)

I started to get worried. Why was I working this hard if she didn’t actually want to touch me? I was happy not being touched, but now I was starting to think something was wrong. I was starting to feel like she didn’t even want me. I started asking for sex as reassurance that she was still interested. Still attracted.

She called me a horn dog.

Not just to me but also later to my best friend. I was so mortified I wanted to jump out of the window and run into traffic. *I* was a horndog? All I wanted was affection and reassurance. She said her love language was physical affection and so was mine but she rarely gave me the cuddles I needed. I would ask her for “pets” - where she would play with my hair or just run her hand up and down my arm. This for me is intimacy. I had no problems doing it for her ever but she would get annoyed when I asked, saying it was hard for her to focus on the tv.

Okay? So? I’m not asking much, I didn’t think. I stopped paying attention to the tv when I was petting her. I made her my whole focus so she would feel loved. I mean unless it was like Harry Potter but I would be mindful to alternate so she wouldn’t be left out.

She only introduced me to one of her friends (who I thought was pretty cool but I worry she hates me so I just don’t talk to her now). At first I thought this was because she was in the closet. To be clear I never had a problem with that. I would never push someone to come out before they were ready and I hate movies and media that have the partner doing that. It’s shitty and dangerous. If she felt safer in the closet more power to her. I actively went to bat for protecting that secret for her. Sometimes our friends would forget and tag her in shit that would out her. I would be in their texts and calling them immediately explaining the situation and asking them to untag or take the post down. I’m not saying that as any sort of bragging. That’s literally the least I could do. I’m saying it to illustrate that I don’t have a problem with her being in the closet. But then she told me her friends knew about us. So I was like okay cool you’ve met all of my friends and are part of the group. I’d like to meet your friends. “Um.. they’re just really busy”. I mean. Yeah so are my friends and I didn’t mean like right now I just meant maybe mention it to them and we can some time schedule a hang out. “They’re just really busy”. Red flag but okay. Gonna just. Overlook this one too. It’s fine.

I spent more nights when she visited waiting for her to fall asleep so I could cry myself to sleep over how worthless I felt. Why was I doing this? Everything hurt but maybe I was just asking too much. Had my expectations too high. I’ve been told that before. Usually by people who have left me, those who stay (and my therapist) insist I’ve been asking for the bare minimum. To this day I still don’t know. If all you get is nothing , surely you are nothing? You don’t deserve to ask for more.

By June I started thinking she’s not happy with me. I’m not the one she wants. I don’t think much of myself. I don’t think I’m worth anything. I wrote her a letter that sat in my desk at work, basically saying that she deserved to be happy. She deserved to be with someone who sparks excitement, joy, and romance in her. Someone she wants to introduce to her friends (that she’s out to). Someone that she wants to spend time with and forgets about anyone else (within reason obviously, not like actually forgetting the world friends and responsibilities). Someone she is actually excited to spend time with and looks forward to. Someone that makes her not want to cancel every other date. She shouldn’t settle, even if it’s for me.

It broke my heart to write that letter. I was going to give it to her after her birthday because I didn’t want to be a sick and break up with her right before/on her birthday. Turns out she beat me to the punch and dumped me after I took her home.

I don’t know why I was surprised. The entire relationship things didn’t feel right. I always felt like I was doing something wrong. People in my life always seem to like the idea of me and then when they get to see the real me suddenly it’s like oops too much I’m out. Or alternatively they just.. they think I’m interesting and then lose interest.

My birth mother rejected me not once but twice. My adoptive mother was thrilled at the idea of me until I got to be about 4 and she realized something wasn’t quite right. My dad doesn’t care enough about me to stop drinking. Almost every single best friend I’ve ever had growing up has left usually because of some stupid shit I’ve done or because they’re embarrassed of me. Cheryl thought I was some monster out to hurt my friends (even when said “hurt” friend who was actually there went to bat for me and confirmed that I was literally just in the wrong place at the wrong time). Holly stopped caring. Brie never cared. Johanna only cared when she could use her affection of me to hurt someone else she was being petty with. Lissa only wanted someone she could bully, and even once she had me it wasn’t enough. Jerika definitely didn’t want me, and even my closest friend of 17 years Amy left for three months in which I genuinely thought she wasn’t coming back because I had the audacity to try to help her out of a panic attack. Jocelyn couldn’t stand me for more than a week at a time and roxii didn’t have the time of day for me after Americorps.

I feel like my whole life has just been a game of measurements that’s found me wanting. I tried. I tried so hard and I know I didn’t succeed I know there were things I could have done differently with my latest ex. Things I could have done better. I’ve never wanted anything to work so much in my life. Never tried so hard and still I wasn’t enough. I’m never enough.

I watched her, the woman that I was in love with, slowly lose interest in me over the course of about 4 months. Do you know what that’s like? What that does to you? The more I tried, the quicker she seemed to fade. I kept thinking if I just try harder, I’m just not doing, saying the right things. I read every book on relationships I could get my hands on (blatantly ignoring the parts that told me I should see the red flags for what they were and step away). I took notes. I watched therapy videos. I put to work every therapy technique I had ever learned. I wasn’t perfect but I was going to give this everything I had. Just once I didn’t want anyone to be able to say I didn’t try. I wanted to be as healthy, loving and supportive of a partner as I could because I loved her and didn’t want to hurt her. I knew that I had a lot of personal growth that I had been working on before I met her and I wanted to really ramp that up while I was with her to be good to her. To be good for her.

I’m not even mad. My friends say I should be. They’re mad on my behalf and I’m the one telling them to be nice, and defending her. Part of me thinks they’re right but mostly, mostly I think I’m just a steaming pile of shit and I deserved this.

I wasn’t enough. I’m tired of not being enough. I’m tired of fighting the universe showing me over, and over, and over, and over, and over again how absolutely worthless, not shit I am.

When she broke up with me I told her I felt like I was losing one of my best friends. She said we’re still friends I’m still going to be in your life and we will still talk. Turns out that’s only if I initiate and usually shortly after she shuts it down. So. I guess not.

I asked her one thing and that was when (not if because obviously when, I mean if you saw her you would understand) she moved on if she could just not bring the new person around for the first few months so I didn’t have to see it immediately I would appreciate it and she was like yeah for sure. I told her I wanted her to be happy and I meant it. I just didn’t realize it was going to be barely over 2 months and with one of my good friends.

To be clear she can date whomever she wants. I just thought there might have been more time between them showing up publicly and honestly? Even if her friend was single, interested in me, and I interested in her, I wouldn’t have dated her friend. Even if the positions were reversed and I actually broke up with her first, I wouldn’t have dated her friend. I would imagine that would hurt and I never want to hurt her. Ever. I just.. I wouldn’t have done it. And then she told my one best friend to not tell my other best friend or me and I’m like?? So you know this is a little shady and you’re still gonna?? Like you literally couldn’t wake a couple more months? Just til after Friendsgiving so I don’t have to come to a group event and plaster on a smile when it makes me want to stab myself in the heart.

Alright. Well. Good for her. And I mean that. I just.. can’t see that right now so I’m not seeing any of them. I heard the song Reminds me of you by Kim petras today “cut off all my friends because they remind me of you” and literally felt punched in the gut. Like yep. Too right. Because what am I supposed to go go hang out with my closest friends, where she and her new partner are, and fake a smile? I’m barely holding it together. There’s literally not a day in which I don’t want to kill myself.

Not because she broke up with me. Because I’m tired of being worthless to everyone I care about. Like why the fuck am I even here? Is this what I was born for? To be trash? To be used by people until they find someone better? Or to be someone’s quirky new friend until they find out my quirks are not an act? Or for people to think Im interesting only to slowly realize that I’m not and want nothing to do with me?

I think about all the things I’ve survived that I shouldn’t have and get frustrated because wHY? Why couldnt I just have died and been done with everything? I said to Nathan the other day that at some point I have to realize that the common denominator here is me. Clearly I am the problem. Clearly I am worthless and it’s time to fucking accept that. His reply was that it’s easy to think that you’re the common denominator when it’s your life but that’s just because you’re stuck in it. Idk man. I don’t think I have just extraordinarily shitty luck. I think it’s just me.

I am worthless. Not shit. To anyone. There are some who have stayed but it’s literally just a matter of time until they leave. It’s inevitable, and I’m tired of trying to pretend it’s not. I’m tired of trying to pretend I’m worth something to anyone. I’m tired of begging people to care about me, family, friends, partners. I’m just tired. So tired. Im tired of being tired.

Fuck my life insurance policy. The majority of the people on it don’t care about me anyway, so fuck it if it doesn’t pay out. It wouldn’t be my problem. Sitting here trying to think of ways that wouldn’t traumatize my roommates, would be guaranteed, relatively pain free, and wouldn’t put anyone else at risk. And then I remember I’m a coward and if I fuck it up then there goes what little I have made of my career, I’d lose my job (not that I’m thriving anyway), I’d probably be permanently damaged in ways that would then make me a burden to my parents.

Maybe I can’t kill myself, but somebody else sure could. I could find somebody abusive and just throw myself into that until one day they take it too far. That’s about what I deserve. And then my policy would pay out and the people I live most would be taken care of, regardless of how their treatment of me makes me feel. Maybe I could do some good in this world. The only good I’ll have ever done but it has to count for something right? Who am I kidding nothing I do counts for anything but I’m crazy and keep doing the same things expecting different results.

It’s funny. The one person who wants to leave me the most, can’t. I wish I could though.

Don’t take this too seriously I’m venting. it’s fine, I’m fine.

#God I wish that I could do that #Good for you #TW depression #I’m fine #tw suicidal ideation

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unmaskedagain · 5 years ago

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White Horse (This Ain’t a Fairytale)

Quick one-shot. Needed to do something sort of different.

Marinette had dreamed of the moment. The moment she would finally be brave enough to look Adrien Agreste in the eyes and tell him how she left; that she loved him. She had pictured, hoped, how would be a thousand times. It would be like fairy tale. Adrien the handsome prince. Her, the princess. He’d sweep her off her feet. And they’d go get ice cream together, ready to start her happily ever after. Like in the movies.

“I’m sorry, Marinette,” Adrien frowned, scratching his head, like he didn’t know what to say. “I just don’t think of you that way.”

In retrospect, Marinette should’ve known better.

“Oh,” Was all Marinette could say. She felt numb, despite knowing her heart had shattered in her chest.

Because of course he wouldn’t feel the same. Marinette so stupid to think he would. She should’ve known… She should’ve known!

Adrien shrugged, “It’s not you,” He offered. “I like someone else.”

Because of course he did.

“Yeah,” Marinette nodded, looking anywhere but at him. “Cool. I get it.”

“I might’ve considered once,” Adrien rushed to add. “But you sort of changed.”

Marinette took a step back, “Changed?” She didn’t change at all.

“You’ve been distant from the class and all our friends,” Adrien explained. “And the whole Lila thing?”

“Lila?” Marinette said numbly. “She’s a liar, and people deserve to know the truth. And I haven’t been distant from the class. They’ve been ignoring me.”

“Because you keep calling Lila out,” Adrien put in. “It’s causing problems. She’s not hurting anyone.”

Marinette looked at him, really looked at him. “You don’t think that she’s hurting anyone. Not even Nino who she promised would meet a big time director so he’s not finishing his piece for film festival. Or Nathanial who broke off a great partnership with Marc because Lila promised he was better off and that she introduce him to DC comic book writers? You don’t think that’s hurting him?”

“It’s not that big of a deal,” Adrien shrugged. “They’ll be other opportunities. Marc will take Nathanial back if he apologizes.”

Again, Marinette just stared. Because no! No Marc wouldn’t because Marc was already poached to work on Claude’s graphic novel about a kid who finds out he’s the descendent of Van Helsing.

Could Adrien be serious? Was he that naïve? Was Marinette? Had she gotten so lost in his eyes that she never even stood a chance of seeing what he was really like? How could she claim if she had ever loved him if that was the case?

“And when the class finds out Lila’s lying,” Marinette raised her hand to stop Adrien from interrupting. “And I have no further intention of outing her,” To her disgust he looked pleased. “When they find out she’s lying, and the fact that they stopped being my friends, bullied me, harassed me in some cases, and basically given me the cold shoulders for almost a year. Do you think I will forgive them? That we’d go back to being friends?”

“Of course you will,” Adrien said brightly. “Why wouldn’t you?”

Marinette just blinked, amazed. “Because they hurt me.” She just shrugged. “We’ll cross that bridge when get there.” And Marinette would take sweet pleasure in burning it down. “I’m going to go now…” She started to walk away.

“I’m sorry again!” Adrien called.

Oh that Marinette knew for certain. And so was Marinette for that matter.

Over the next few weeks, Marinette was in a state of confusion. Her heart had been crushed. But it seemed to fade rather quickly. Mostly because every time she thought about him, she’d hear his words and feel sick. All those dreams she had about her and Adrien made her want to bang her head against the wall. Because what if that’s she came across; with all her fairytale wishes. Life wasn’t a fairy. She wasn’t a princess. No one was going to come sweep her off her feet. And unlike Adrien, she had always known that life wasn’t anything like the movies.

The issue was that maybe she was more like Adrien then she thought. Didn’t she think that once her friends knew the truth everything would be okay? Didn’t some part of her think Alya and her would go back to being besties? That’ll it would all be bygones? But what about all the hurt feelings? The broken trust? The cruel words? Those all didn’t just vanish. That wasn’t how life worked. There was no possible way for them to go back to the way it was.

And the more she thought about it, the more Marinette wasn’t sure that she wanted it to.

Marinette had been really tired of being taken for granted; all those school trips, dances, birthday parties, fundraisers, and she never even got a thank you. A lot of her classmates just frowned in disapproval once Lila mentioned how she could’ve done it better, made it better if Marinette had let her help. So Marinette gracefully quit being class president; let someone else take the lead. She was tired of doing free commissions; it cost a lot of money and time and no one seemed to even care. Then Lila mentioned how she had a tailor and personal designer who was so much faster than Marinette, who might be doing it on purpose as no one could be that slow. In the face the suspicious glares, Marinette had casually mentioned how great it was for Lila to offer to help their classmates as Marinette would no longer be able to do free commissions. Then Marinette decided that the next thing to go was demands, not asks, of her time. This had come after Alya had dropped off her little sisters’ at Marinette suddenly and cited how busy she was. Only for Marinette to see posts about a class party.

Then Marinette made sure she was always busy. And she asked her parents not to just let anyone up to her room. Marinette had to go get then now.

No, Marinette was quite sure, she rather nothing went back to the way it was. Too much had been said and done. It was too late for fairy tales or movie magic. Too late for anyone on a white horse to come around to carry her off to a happy ending.

Time passed, and Marinette watched with a twisted feeling of glee in her chest, when the entire class seemed to slowly fall apart. First it was the winter school trip. Originally, Marinette had planned an amazing tour of presidential office and then a quick trip to the beach. However, when it became clear that nothing had been done yet for the trip despite months of warnings, Marinette backed out of going. She laughed for days, when she saw the pictures of the class on a local farm.

Then it was the school dance. Lila’s personal designer apparently suffered a horrible fire in her studio and all the dresses were destroyed; leaving most of the girls in the class in tears. They’d gone in old dresses. Marinette, however, had worn her most fabulous design yet. A beautiful, lacy, scarlet dress that made her look WOW, as her new friends had put it. Luka had been her date; only as a friend of course. The two had realized that while they had a lot in common, the attraction wasn’t sexual.

Fundraisers were next. And the targets were never hit. Trips to festivals, museums that required more than a few hours ride, and the like were cancelled. The annual spring trip, something the class had looked forward to for two years, had been all but cancelled. Usually, it was trip to another country for two weeks. Marinette had planned on New York. But Marinette was no longer class president by the first week of October.

Marinette’s only problem came when Rose and Juleka broke up. The one other pairing, Alya had once sworn, the class was more invested in than Adrien and Marinette getting together. The two had been so in love. Then Lila happened.

She got into Rose’s head about deserving a prince, about how shy Juleka couldn’t really be serious about her if she never expressed it like others did, and what about Prince Ali? How would he feel if he found out Rose was dating someone else.

And Rose, poor sweet Rose had always had a head full of fairy tales. She never stood a chance.

It wasn’t surprising when Luka and Marinette found Juleka crying on the deck of the boat. Marinette had taken mercy on the girl. She made not have been Juleka’s friend anymore but she was still Luka’s sister. And anyone could see she needed time away,

So After a quick intervention, Juleka now knew Lila to be the biggest Liar on the planet. Marinette invited her on her trip to Metropolis for spring break. The trip had been under the guise of World explorers club, which had been just Marinette and her new friends (Claude, Marc, Ondine, Aurore, Luka, Bridgette, and Felix) who saved enough money to spend two weeks in the States away from their and any and all drama.

To make it look education, and to stop Mendeleiev from giving them suspicious glares, they even book a tour of LexCorp. Again, mostly to appease Mendeleiev.

However, Lexcorp was the highlight of the trip if you asked Marinette. She’d run into Connor Luther-Kent, a small town boy, with biceps as big her head, and the biggest blue eyes she’d ever seen and promptly knew exactly how she’d be spend the rest of her vacation.

Connor had led the tour.

…Okay so Connor was supposed to lead the tour. But he and Marinette had kept sneaking glances at each other with blushes on their faces so much that his Aunt Lena, who swore she wasn’t spying, took over the tour. Eventually Connor and Marinette felt the far back of the tour, trading jokes and accidently touching hands. They didn’t even notice when tour ended.

“And the concludes the tour,” Lena announced. “Oh pretty French girl making eyes at my nephew, Connor’s free tomorrow around 6. He’d love to meet you at the fair in town. Maybe win you a stuffed animal.”

Connor turned bright red.

“Oh Marinette would love to go, handsome farm boy,” Mendeleiev answered with a smirk. “She just wants to say her curfew is eleven. She’ll brings friends, so brings some of yours. And she respectable girl who doesn’t kiss on first dates.”

Marinette squeaked.

“Understood,” Lena beamed at the embarrassment of the blushing teens. “Connor’s a gentleman. And such a boy scout, if pretty French girl doesn’t make the first move, nothing will happen. He’s a shy one.”

Mendeleiev crossed, “That might be a problem. Marinette’s just as shy as handsome farm boy. I guess we’ll see what happens.”

“Guess we will,” Lena smiled.

The two women and the rest of Marinette friends just stared at the two teenagers who looked ready to die.

The fair was great. Marinette’s friends and Connor’s got along great. Though Luka skipped out with a handsome kid named Tim. Aurore found redhead named Wally intriguing. Ondine ditched everyone to go hang out with a black boy with blond hair name Kaldur. Marc and Claude left together. And finally Juleka and a girl named Artemis went to ride the Ferris wheel together. Turned out, Juleka had a thing for blondes.

Marinette and Connor spent the entire time, holding hands, and eating weird fair food, and getting more than a little lost in each other’s eyes.

The rest of the trip was pretty much the same. The two friend group would meet up and usually break off into couples not long after.

Marinette did find herself covering for a curfew breaking Luka at one time, another for Ondine. And most surprising for Juleka, who assured everyone she was fine through texts, but didn’t make it back to the hotel till the next day. Luka high-fived his sister on her way in.

The only times, it was a couple-free zone when was when they had to do something educational. The daily planet had been fun. Lois Lane had been insightful and gave great advice to Aurore. She had been interviewing an Olympian swimmer who had no problems shelling out advice to Ondine. And then to the local history museum and the art museum.

It took everything they had to convince the teacher that a movie premiere was education. If the movie was some action superhero blockbuster, it might’ve been easier. But still the glasses wearing teacher caved, though with way she eyed Chris Evans, Marinette thinks they might tried too hard.

And once when Marinette got backstage passes to see Jagged Stone and Clara Nightingale perform on their Pop and Rock tour. Neither star hesitated to bring Marinette and her friends on stage. They had announced her as their fashion designer, who did the amazing dress Clara was wearing and rocking look Jagger sported. Luka got to play guitar for Jagged. Clara and Jagged did a cover of an old *NSYNC song that her mom had revealed was her favorite song growing up.

(God Must Have Spent) A Little More Time On You.

The bluenette had shed a few tears on stage, in front of everyone.

Marinette would find out later that the concert was live streamed.

Her most heart stopping moment came when Marinette met Connor’s parents; it had been an accident. They had been going to outside concert when Connor remembered he needed to drop something off at his dad’s place, and it was just going to be for five minutes. They had gotten to the penthouse. Connor left her in the living room. Marinette had been looking at the pictures on the mantle when she heard a clearing of the throat.

She turned around and came face to face with Times’ man of the year, Lex Luthor. Never again, will she considered Gabriel Agreste scary. He was tickle-me Elmo compared to Lex Luthor, maybe a rouge furby doll. Those things were always creepy.

Lena stood next to him with a pretty blond woman Marinette knew to be Kara, who Marinette knew from picture to be Connor’s aunt, who worked out of National city.

“You must be… Marinette?” Lex drawled.

Marinette fought not to smooth out her fifties-style chic sliver dress. “Yes, Sir. Connor just stepped away.”

They made light conversation after that. Marinette telling about her interests and achievements and wondering where Connor was because five minutes her ass. When Connor’s other dad arrived.

A ruffled looking man looking man, that looked remarkable like Connor, that wore the most hideous plaid shirt she’d ever seen. “Hi’ya, I’m Clark. Connor’s dad.” He introduced. Clark held out his hand. “You must be Marinette, Connor hasn’t stopped talking about you since you two met.”

Marinette shook his hand with a smile. And she didn’t mean the say, doesn’t how it slipped out. “Who let you out of the house dressed like that?”

The two men froze. So did the women.

“What?” Clark asked a stunned look on his face.

“Seriously!” Marinette said, unable to stop herself. “That shirt shouldn’t just be thrown away. It should be burned to ashes and fed to the designer.”

Clark blushed, and pushed his glasses up. “I like it. It looks like my other ones.”

“There are more of those sins of nature!” Marinette exclaimed. “How? Why? Who hurt you?”

Lex smirked.

That was when Connor came into the room, with a smile on his face. He wrapped an arm around Marinette’s waist and looked at his parents, “What’s going on?”

“An intervention,” Marinette snipped.

Lex Luther pointed at Connor, “Marry that girl.”

Lena and Kara fell down laughing.

Connor’s face turned red.

Clark looked like a confused puppy.

Marinette came with apology cookies the next day.

Connor and Marinette were officially boyfriend and girlfriend by the time the trip ended.

While they were gone, however, things in Paris weren’t going great for the class. The three days of break had been great. Spring trip was just to an amusement park which had disappointed quite a few, but they’d perked up when Alya pointed out that at least Marinette wasn’t there to ruin it all for them. As far as they were concerned life was good without the bluenette.

Then the fourth day happened. And Juleka posted her first picture. Marinette, her new friends, Juleka; the World Travel’s club, in Metropolis. The mood quickly soured after that. The pictures of their fabulous hotel rooms. The pictures of them at LexCorp with Lena Luther herself; Max was left reeling. Then came the pictures the fairs and dates the group had gone on. Alya had nearly cried when she saw the pictures of the tour of the Daily Planet. Rose had cried when she saw Juleka with some beautiful girl named Artemis.

The worst of it happened when the entire class got together to watch Pop and Rock on tour as Alya’s house. The concert had been stream. And They had all been so excited. Until Marinette was called on stage, and along with all her friends. The popstar and Rock star dedicated a song to Marinette.

It had been a trip worthy dreaming about.

That was when the class remembered just how amazing Marinette had been at planning school trips. Why they ever wanted her to resign, they couldn’t remember.

Adrien saw a picture Marinette and some dark haired boy holdings hands and for some reason felt his heart break a little.

When they got back to Paris and the break ended, Marinette and Juleka walked to class with their heads held high and love in their hearts. When the girls got to their seats, Alya was the first to try and ruin their good mood.

“Have fun over break?” She snapped.

“Loads,” Marinette raised an eyebrow. “As many times as you like Juleka’s pics of the daily planet I’d assumed you know that.”

Alya’s temper grew as jealous soared through her, “You could’ve at least invited your friends.”

“I did,” Marinette stated. “Or don’t you remember when you yelled at me the lunchroom that you weren’t my friend anymore. And rest of you agreed.”

Some looked ashamed. Others still looked petulant.

“Our trip sucked,” Kim groaned. There were nods in agreement.

“Talk to your class president,” Marinette shrugged. “Last I check, that wasn’t me.” She motioned to Lila. “I’m surprised Lila couldn’t do something better with all the connections she has. I’m sure she could out due a bunch of kids who just saved a few bucks over the course of the year.”

Lila smiled pleasant but the look in her eyes could’ve killed Marinette, “I was so busy. With all my charity work. There was no time.”

Marinette hummed in response.

“You all looked so amazing at the movie premier!” Rose beamed. It was clear to those who really looked that the blond was sad, maybe even heartbroken.

Juleka nodded, finding that the sight of her ex-girlfriend wasn’t as devastating as it would’ve been before the trip, “Marinette designed all of our clothes.”

It took six months after that for Lila’s kingdom to crumble and for the entire class to apologize to the bluenette. Unfortunately, Marinette didn’t react like they’d hoped. Sure, she accepted their apologies, even forgave them, but she made it clear they weren’t friends. They’d never be friends again.

Adrien had given her a disappointed look afterwards and had tried to convince her that everything could go back to the way it was. She shrugged, and didn’t dignify him with a response.

It was three months after for Hawkmoth to finally be defeated thanks to Connor who turned out to be Superboy and the rest of Young Justice who may or may be dating the rest of the new team Miraculus.

It was a week later that Chat Noir and Ladybug revealed themselves to each other. It didn’t go as either of them had hoped.

Marinette didn’t know who was more surprised. Her or Adrien. She frowned when she saw the hope in the blond boy’s eyes.

Adrien had been stunned and then a happy smile appeared on his face. Ladybug and his princess was one in the same. She had liked him. Had asked him out. Adrien may have been stupid to turn her down but that it didn’t matter anymore. It would all work out, “Princess,” He said. “I knew we were meant to be.” That was what he thought until Superboy flew down to stand next to Marinette.

Marinette gave Adrien a pitying smile, “I’m not a princess, Adrien. This isn’t a fairy tale. This isn’t the movies. We already had our chance. I’m leaving Paris. I’m joining the justice league. It’s too late to catch me now.”

#ml salt #ml fic #marinette dupen chang #Marinette deserves better #class salt #adrien salt

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not-your-damsel · 3 years ago

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I Gotta Let it Out, Please Forgive Me Guys

I got a random message on Facebook messenger from my bestest friend from the tail end of middle school until onwards… or so I thought.

*Names have been changed for this… mess? I’m so sorry guys, I’m all over the place 😑 and this is kinda long so, head’s up

She was like a sister to me, we told each other any and everything. We wrote fan fics for *N’Sync before fan fics were even a goddamn thing, before there was a place to even post them! She made the life move from New Jersey to Pennsylvania bearable and then livable after having my whole life uprooted once again. My Mom and I always moved a lot when I was a child so I was always bouncing from school to school once I thought I was finally settled and was steadily making friends only to up and move again. That coupled with constantly having to go to the hospital because of my illness didn’t bode well for my learning abilities. I’m great at everything else now as an adult but don’t even come to me about math or I’ll spit on you, I don’t make the rules 🤷🏽‍♀️

However, once my Mom met my Sister’s father, our living situation somehow downgraded from living in a beautiful brownstone house to then living in a trailer in a trailer park. Please don’t take that as me shitting on trailer parks or folks who live in them. I just despise them because they immediately remind me of the verbal, mental abuse/gaslighting I endured when we lived there which continued into PA and the house we moved to there is all. My stomach churns when I pass by one as I immediately feel like I’m 10 again and about to be in trouble and grounded for the next tiniest thing he deemed wrong of me.

Anywho, we moved to PA when I was 12, my little sister having been born in NJ just before we left it to come here and I was livid. Leaving all my friends behind after finally having a taste of actually settling in and making friends and not moving away right after the fact only to pull the rug from under me and do it again. As an adult now, I get it. It’s safer here than where we’d been and the taxes rock, no tax on food or clothing or pharmaceuticals and also utilities for heat and shit and not to mention, a better school system.

And school is where I met my immediate bestie, around the second or third day being there, we had to swim for gym and since I didn’t know I had to sit out for the period where the other girls and I started talking about *N’Sync and she asked me who my face was, which was Lance and then she said hers was Justin Timberlake and that she fantasizes about him. Anyone who can tell me that right off the bat with the same energy as telling me what their favorite color or animal is has immediately won my friendship. Immediately.

That’s how we met, that’s how we rolled and we stayed joined at the hip throughout the rest of our school years together. We’d been through it all, crushes, familial loss, pet loss, watching mutual friends come and go or fuck each other over, and yet her and I remained as though we were born sisters. I never needed a whole entourage of people to call my friends. Whoever’s gonna hang with me, I love and appreciate and protect dearly and those who won’t that’s fine as well. But she was a constant in my life, we both were constantly in each other’s lives.

She provided an escape and safe haven away from my home when it got to be too suffocating to be within my own home because of my overbearing stepfather and I taught her how to appreciate and accept and play video games, specifically of the survival horror genre and we’d get together for a sleepover when a new release would come out and we wanted to get lost in stories and scream for dear life at perfectly crafted jump scares. She turned me on to being a drama kid since her and I were in chorus together being Soprano 1’s, and it turned out to be one of the most fun things I did in high school.

But time passes and we graduated. Sad as I was to be parting from everyone, we all began to scatter, coming together during breaks to party and catch up. After moved to Queens NY to be with my fiancé at the time and she was doing her own thing. Over time, life got in the way. There was no grand fight to speak of, no secretly harbored feelings of ill will or hatred, nothing of the sort. Which is why I’m left feeling so baffled over how what was meant to be a great reaching out and reconnecting moment ended up turning into me feeling angry, dejected and feeling as though maybe there were some things she never spoke to me about when she should’ve.

It started out great, happy to hear from her especially out of the blue since the times I tried to reach her would always fall through. We caught up with one another, as you do, and then the conversation turned from catching up to suddenly me being questioned about why I never contacted her. I explained everything that happened, how I tried several times apart from the yearly birthday wishes and such, and how I never got a reply back, that I assumed it meant she had a different phone number. How as the years passed more and more, my insecurities of no longer being wanted by her ran rampant and that maybe she had better people in her life. I apologized for that, seeing now that I was blinded by that insecurity and that was something for me to sort out. That and that life literally got in the way.

I told her everything as honest and truthful to the best of my ability because I’d never lie to her, never had and never would/will want to. I admitted to her that I’m definitely different from the last time she’s seen me and that I’m now utter shit with the phone. I personally think it’s a mix of my Major Depressive Disorder mixed with my anxiety that I prefer messaging over actually talking on the phone. But that’s not for my lack of trying to reach her over the years.

However, that wasn’t good enough for her though apparently. She kept pressing me and questioning if “I ignored her” because of scenario A, B or C. She said that. She literally said, “Did you ignore me because of…”. She started labeling despite me telling her what happened, putting words in my mouth. It got to the point that I was just repeating myself over and over because she kept interrogating me on the issue, bringing up weak reasons as though she just knew that was the “reason I dipped and left her in the wind” when meanwhile, when you look at which of us two was the last to try to contact the other through Facebook messenger, it shows it as me and before that all my attempts to reach her through something I knew she’d see my shit to her through and yet I was never answered.

I ended up saying to her, “Look, I don’t know what it is you’re wanting me to say here. I feel like you’re trying to get me to admit to something to please you but I’m not gonna do that because if I did, then I’d be lying to you and I’m not here for that. I told you everything on my end here, what has happened and that’s exactly what it is. Nothing more, nothing less. I don’t secretly hate you, I could never hate you. It wasn’t your fault about what happened with my ex and I at your party, I’ve never held you responsible for his cheating actions. He cheated on me with Stan, not you, so don’t think that has anything to do with you when you stuck up for me when we all found out the next morning. Please stop fishing for a conflict that’s not there.”

I don’t hear from her after a long while and I explicitly tell her that I want to talk about this more the next day because this isn’t right and I want to clear up whatever it is that she thinks is wrong, that I love her and to have a good night as it’s past 2am at that point. She proceeds to bring up past scenarios hours later while I’m well asleep and she knows this, guilt tripping me about how she was there for me whenever I needed to be in the hospital but that maybe I had forgotten what it meant to be best friends with her and she then blocks me on all socials knowing I can’t even fight for myself because I’m asleep. All socials save for one and that’s Insta.

I call her out on that shady bullshit and tell her that it’s absolutely unfair that I sat there and I was being an adult and admitting to my mistakes and apologizing for them only for her to push all the blame on me for not contacting her which we established that I had many times and not been acknowledged. I said, “The phone works 2 ways, Sadie, 2 ways. Do not sit there and act like you’re not to blame as well, especially when I’m here admitting fault and apologizing for it and you haven’t even bothered to claim some of that faulted responsibility. That’s fucked because if it were me having come to you, yet again, and this time you answered, I would’ve taken my part of the blame and admitted to my faults here as well, I wouldn’t’ve piled it all on you the way you did to me. I was honest with you and it seems that’s not what mattered to you, what mattered to you was putting untruths into my mouth to fit your narrative that “I hate you”, “that you never mattered to me” and so on. Again, not cool. Will it hurt to lose you? Absolutely, it’ll kill me to lose you permanently, but not at the expense of a lie you want so badly to be true.”

Not only that, but several times throughout this conversation, she would bring up something factual that happened, that she knew happened, only to turn around and say something snarky like, “I wouldn’t know what happened or I wouldn’t know about that because you never told me about it.” I sat there for a good moment afterwards, seriously questioning if she was drunk or high or a combo of the two and just crossfaded because it made no damned sense!!!

I’m not gonna lie, I’m truly hurt by all this. I cried happy tears when we first started talking because it had been so long, and then by the end of it, I was left baffled, hurt, confused, and feeling like I didn’t even know this person anymore and crying in a panic that this was all actually happening. That I somehow unknowingly became a villain to my own best friend, my sister. It still feels unreal, the whole thing was so all over the place, it gave me whiplash. I don’t know what to do and I apologize for putting a portion of me and my troubles on here, I just needed a safe space to vent and let loose because I’m warring with myself of if this is even still worth it with her because this feels so… icky. Like in my gut I can feel that this isn’t the same person I once knew and I’m only gonna find more upset, hurts and disappointment and that feeling causes even more hurt.

Idk guys, I’m tired and worn out. I cried a lot so that’s gonna and made me even more tired only with puffy, splotchy pinky/red rings around my eyes that now are sensitive to the touch from wiping them so much. But thank you for letting me do what I felt I needed to do and just let this mess out. I know it’s all over the place but I can’t even bring myself to fix anything if there’s errors and shit. Love y’all.

#man 😔#i don’t know anymore #damsel rants #damsel’s hurting #heartbroken 💔

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justalonelywriter · 3 years ago

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Happy Birthday lonely(hopefully not for long) writer, you absolute queen, you quirky protagonist of a hero’s story. I know your birthday’s over so i guess I’m granting you late birthday wishes? I’d love to know 3, 4, 5 and 21 please

Thank you for the wish, bestie. (THOUGH YOU'RE LATE !!!!)

There's a something pretty in loneliness, I think. In my opinion, there's nothing quite as satisfactory as the company one provides themselves. I find myself quite content with solitude for the most part. (That isn't to say I don't appreciate my friends lol) I spent far too long trying to title myself as I reintroduced myself into fandom and in the end everything sounded awful, and hence this rather cliched and simplistic title. I've considered changing it, mind you. But I've gotten rather fond of LW. With that unnecessary tangent out of the way, let me get to your questions.

3. What is one of your favourite memories from school?

I don't have too many of those. School was really fun until it wasn't but one moment that sticks out was during a particularly raucous lunch break. The memory is a bit hazy in my recall, but it's filled with inside jokes, a scarf that looks too familiar to the one in Sherlock BBC, a gif of David Tennant in cat whiskers and one dreary attempt at writing Homestuck fanfiction. I couldn't for the life of me begin to explain how any of that was connected, but I remember the teachers had to come over to tell us to knock it off but we couldn't because we were laughing too hard and the world was too bright and we were impossibly happy.

I knew then what Stephan Chobosky meant when he wrote "And I swear in that moment, we were infinite." If I could bottle up that feeling, I would.

4. Do you have a bucket list? What are 3 things that are on it?

In a sense, I guess I do, in that abstract way where I have goals I'd like to achieve before my time runs out.

-Fanciful as the notion may be, I want to spend a few months in a small beach side town. I'm not quite sure where or when, but I'd very much like to pack my things and live by the sea.

-Go catch a show on Broadway. I never got a proper chance but I would've been a theatre kid. I know it in my bones. (I've only got some vague tech crew experience but I am going to change that)

-See some of my written work published one day, because of course I do. I've loved literature and novels and poetry far too much not to.

5. What book do you think has impacted you the most?

There are two which I hold dearest to my heart; Pride and Prejudice and The Hunger Games. Both are vastly different but the stories resonated with younger me in a way I don't quite know how to put into words. I've reread both a numerous amount of times and I still go back and read them (almost) every year.

Most people would assume my answer would be Harry Potter and though the books are magical in their own right, I've been more invested and impacted by the community that resulted from the books rather than the book itself if that makes sense. Like I adore the series, obviously I do, but it's not the same. I'd put it on a tier alongside Little Women and probably Good Omens.

21. Do you listen to music as you write? Drop the playlist.

Any and all lofi music generally though I'm particularly fond of this playlist. I stick with classical music for the most part (and this one if I'm feeling a bit moodier) For ASWG I have a long playlist that I've painstakingly assembled. I'd share it, but I think it would make sense after the story has been posted in it's entirety.

And with that, I'll be closing the birthday asks. Thank you everyone for indulging me!

#eggspeliarmus #justalonelywriter #you ask i answer #ask games #each ask is a birthday wish #thank you everyone

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shananigans402 · 4 years ago

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1-65 will do, please. Thanks fuck face :)

I knew exactly who this was and I was so tempted to not reply, but your punishment is having to read through all my answers and remember them forever or you fail the friend test. To everyone else, please do not click unless you want to be very bored, my answers are not interesting lol

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? Nope

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? Assuming 5 is the most, 1. Maybe 2.

3. The person you would never want to meet? The person who sent me this (jk I’m excited for our eventual meet up where we hit up a strip club first thing 🙏)

4. What is your favorite word? I answered with ‘conniption’ the other day and still have not found a word I like more.

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? Already answered this, fruit tree! I also like palm trees, maple trees, and willow trees. I know that’s not the question, I’m just saying random shit now.

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? It took me a long while to remember where I was this morning. I honestly don’t remember, I was rushing to get ready for an early morning meeting.

7. What shirt are you wearing? My Orlando Strong shirt

8. What do you label yourself as? Lesbian

9. Bright room or dark room? Bright room

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? Sleeping? Possibly checking on a feverish little beeb who was going through it with her second dose of the vaccine.

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? No idea. I like various ages for different reasons, but this age so far is not bad.

12. Who told you they loved you last? Probably my sister 🤷‍♀️

13. Your worst enemy? The person who sent this ask.

14. What is your current desktop picture? The apple pic of Catalina island that changes based on time of day (yes it’s the default, don’t judge me)

15. Do you like someone? Lol yeah I hope so 😂

16. The last song you listened to? Pretty Girl by Hayley Kiyoko

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? Definitely @raginage

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? I feel like I can only attack Raginage so many times. Can I pick a fictional character? This week I was real mad at Dave in The Darkness. BaBe!

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? Lol no one, you’re talking to a person who feels very uncomfortable with anyone doing anything nice for them.

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) Not this again. Last time I said eyes? Still no pics, sorry

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? What would I look like? Do I get to design myself like a sim? I honestly don’t know what I’d do because I doubt the world needs another clueless white man walking around, so maybe just stay at home.

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? Nope. And my last answer to this was awful. I do think I have a fantastic ability to annoy my friends but in a way that’s just amusing/endearing enough to make them still want to talk to me 😌

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? Unique? Uhm well my two big fears are confined spaces and deep water so a submarine is like my worst nightmare.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. Oh this is going to sound so odd. To be clear, I’ve had better sandwiches, but my go-to is provolone, turkey, roast beef, and spicy brown mustard or whole grain mustard. Please don’t judge me.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? Travel budget for future trips to visit my buds and get into trouble and eat food. I know $100 won’t go far, but it’s something.

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? Well, after my last answer I want to visit my friends! But there are too many people to visit and I only have one ticket. So change of plans. I’m going on a solo trip to Greece. Or Argentina. Or Iceland. Or Bali. Damn, I’m indecisive.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? Rabble red blend. Just a solid red wine. Also because @viola-lloyds stole my answer the other day (Juneshine; to be fair I asked her this question but whatever) and I don’t want to copy her.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? Oh I answered this one, something about respecting others. Yeah, a nice rule like that. Want to establish some healthy communication on this island.

29. What is your favorite expletive? It’s still fuck

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? But what about my PLANTS. Can they count as loved ones? Probably my laptop, I know that’s lame but like...I have a lot of stuff on here. Or the collection of cards I have that my granddad drew little drawings in, I want to get them all framed.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? To be honest, I don’t know if I’d change big life events in case it altered the trajectory of where I ended up. So idk maybe the ending of Bly, let’s give those lesbians have a happy ending!

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Italy! But wait, let’s get back to this sleeping with celebrities and super-powers bit...

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? Oh that’s a really tough question. I always wanted to meet my great-grandma Olga because she seemed like a really awesome lady.

34. What was your last dream about? I can’t remember, this is bothering me because I wish I could! I’m sorry. My gf recently had a dream where I kissed a dude right in front of her. It made us both very uncomfy lol

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]? I hate this question because I can only think of one thing.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? For surgery, yeah

37. Have you ever built a snowman? But of course!

38. What is the color of your socks? Not wearing any? I was wearing blue ones earlier. Jfc my answers are so boring.

39. What type of music do you like? Lots! I tend to listen to indie, classic rock, and some pop

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? Sunsets!

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Chocolate or a variant (chocolate peanut butter, chocolate caramel)

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer) LA Rams or Seattle Seahawks. I know they’re in the same division. It’s tough. (Please don’t ask me why these teams)

43. Do you have any scars? Yep, mostly from burning myself on ovens. I simply get too excited for my food.

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? I...have graduated?

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Well bestie recently said I have “lesbian hands” and I think that’s code for man hands so maybe that hahaha

46. Are you reliable? I try to be!

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? How many more times will I watch The Darkness before I learn my lesson? (Related: When does other bestie finally admit to her fetish?)

48. Do you hold grudges? Not typically, no

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? A dog and an otter? Can we domesticate otters? No, a horse and a large bird, create a pegasus and then free travel.

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? Oh god. I don’t even know where to start today tbh. Damie and pokemon and cosycon and looming and feet and [redacted] and developing apps for VP. So many fantastic conversations.

In real life, probably the time I was at a laundromat in Italy and this guy wandered in with a beer, sat next to me and my male roommate, assumed we were a couple, and proceeded to give us bizarre life advice. I wish I could remember more of it, but it was so odd.

51. Are you a good liar? Hmm I’m okay at it I think, that is, I can convince people I’m serious when I’m actually joking. But I don’t like actually lying if it’s not just teasing someone.

52. How long could you go without talking? Probably a few days if I had to.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? The haircut I got before studying abroad! It was too short and I was so sad.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? For a birthday? No. For fun? Absolutely.

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? Not well, no

56. What do you like on your toast? Butter and/or honey and/or jam

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? My beautiful depiction of a scene of chapter one of Private Dancer.

58. What would be you dream car? An electric car of some sort. I don’t know enough about cars tbh

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. Nope but sometimes I’ll play music and dance and maybe softly sing.

60. Do you believe in aliens? Yep! Definitely

61. Do you often read your horoscope? Almost never unless someone sends it to me.

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? Already answered, A

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? Dinosaurs! 🦕

64. What do you think about babies? What do I think about them? They’re pretty cool. Just tiny little humans.

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of. I was very nice and let you correct your mistake and submit one after the fact:

In your opinion what is the best thing you can cook, like your speciality? My favorite thing to make is pasta, I started making my own sauce and I’d love to make pasta from scratch sometime.

#read up @raginage #this is what you get #responding to these out of spite took far longer than i thought lol

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klainebrittana · 3 years ago

Text

Chapter 1 of seperated!

Enjoy!

Chapter 1!!

August’s pov

We ran around the table, giggling like the little children we were. That was all we had to worry about then, one tagging one another. We were 7 what more did you expect from us. She was my best friend. We were brought into the orphanage at the same time you see. Both abandoned like the others. We understood the pain the other was going through, we always had, always will. We both wondered the same questions, why would anyone ever give me up? Why did they do it? Didn’t they love me? We kept each other going, made each other laugh when we were sad. Kept each other alive. What I would do without her I don’t know. But in that moment life was good we had not a care in the world. No consequences, no troubles, now all I want is to go back to that. I want it so badly. I would do anything.

“I’m going to catch you.” I giggled.

“Not on my watch.” She replied before squealing as I pushed her down to the ground and tickled her senseless.

“Stop, stop.” She chuckled. I stood up and layed beside her. “Let’s be besties forever.” I whispered. “Forever.” She echoed. Then the matron came in. “Time for bed girls.” She smiled warmly. She was always so kind to us. She said we were her favorites. Now I know what a lie that was. She wouldn’t have done it if we were. She wouldn’t have forced us to make that decision. She wouldn’t have ruined our lives like that. She wouldn’t have ruined everything. I hate her for that and I will never forgive her.

We had our own dorm together. We had begged and begged and eventually we were allowed to. Together we made a sign out of paper that was stuck on the door with sellotape. It read May and August’s room, we found it hilarious that we both had names named after months. My name is August and hers is May by the way. The sign was rainbow striped and our handwriting wasn’t the best and it was all wobbly. We also hardly coloured inside the lines. I remember it vividly, like it was yesterday, even though it’s been years. We would talk late into the night; a lot later than we were supposed to. I have no idea how we always found something without fail to talk about. We spent every day together, what thing happened to us that the other couldn’t possibly know?

That night we stayed up until 1:00 AM in the morning. We created a fairytale together. I scribbled it down in my notebook as May helped me think of all the words I didn’t know. She was super smart for her age, way smarter than I was. I remember wishing and wishing I could be as smart and as pretty as her. It never happened though. She was always the better, prettier, less troublesome, version of me. I admired her so much for that. She inspired me to be a better, although not perfect person.

We sat there whispering, with a torch that I had bought a few days ago for this very reason. We were lucky we didn't get caught. Especially when we both started howling because I fell out of my bed. It didn't hurt, it was just hilarious. When that happened, we heard matron stir and we just had a moment where we stared at each other, eyes wide, I saw tears brim in Mays eyes, she was never told off, I slowly reached out and wiped her eyes, she gave me a small smile. Luckily Matron never came in but, in that moment, we were both so terrified. She never told us off, never raised her voice, excluding a few times at me. When there was silence again, we both let out a sigh of relief.

"That was close." She whispered and I replied with a quiet yeah. Then we carried on writing our fairytale, of which we had only written a paragraph of because we got distracted very easily.

I've kept the notebook ever since then, too many memories are contained in the pages for it to have been thrown away. I'll attach the story here. Later on in life I wrote messy notes all over it, which I will also include here.

Once upon a time there was a pretty princess called May. My idea as I was trying to tell her in a discrete way how beautiful I thought she was. She lived in a massive castle and had servants to help her do whatever she wanted. All she had to do was snap her fingers and they would come running. May said she had seen this in movies and books. They had to do whatever she said or she was allowed to send them to be executed. May had to explain to me what this meant. But one day an evil witch came to the castle. She kidnapped the beautiful princess! Now they needed someone to save her or her kingdom may go into chaos. In the end they sent her best friend. A poor servant called August. Although even though she was poor she was beautiful as well. Again, May's idea. August found her very easily and had to fight off the evil witch to save her. She did it quickly and then ran to get May. May thanked her and they were best friends for forever more. The end.

It's very short and not great but we enjoyed creating it and that was all that mattered.

May’s pov

I woke up at 6:30 AM and like I promised woke up August as soon as possible by jumping on her bed. It was my birthday! I was so excited as all young children are when that time of the year comes around.

"Happy birthday May!!" August screamed and I looked down at my feet embarrassed from all the attention. Even though it was coming from August. Then we both looked across to the door. One by one all of the other children in the orphanage walked through the door singing happy birthday. They were being quite rowdy and their voices were raspy and completely out of tune, it was sweet that they tried though. I chuckled. "Thaaannkk yoouuu" Then matron walked in rubbing her eyes, she was in a nightgown and I fought the urge to burst out laughing. I could see the others were in the same situation. Her cheeks were rosy red and her hot pink nightie dragged across the grubby floor.

"Why are you already awake?" She groaned.

"It's Mays Birthday!" Peter piped up and the rest of the group nodded animatedly. She sighed.

"Oh. Yeah. I forgot about that. Let me get ready then I've got a suprise for you all." All our faces lit up.

"What kind of suprise." I said.

“You’ll just have to wait and see.” Matron replied and winked as she spun and walked briskly out of the door.

I wonder what the suprise is." I said to August.

"Me too!!!" She replied. She was super excited. She was always so cute when she was excited. She would jump up and down or dance around. Or she would be grinning from ear to ear and speak really fast. She would also grab my hand and drag me everywhere with her. She would be clingy and on the verge of whiny. I didn't mind though. I was nearly always excited as well. And if I, wasn't I didn't mind entertaining it because she was my best friend, my sister. I could never stay angry at her for long.

The room was noisy. Thunderous almost. It was chock full of about 30 chattering children. It was so claustrophobic as well. Most people were pushed against walls or stuck in a group of people since it was only a small dorm room. I dreaded having to actually get out of the room. "Shall we go to our secret hiding spot?" I yelled to August. "Yeah, it's too noisy in here." She said, she'd grabbed my earmuffs and had clamped them on top of her ears. I had shaken my head giggling quietly. That silly girl.

We pushed through the crowd. No one even noticed we had gone. I guess they were all too intrigued by what Matron said. I looked at August behind me. She was giving dirty looks to the room. She hates loud noises and was very claustrophobic. I burst into laughing just looking at her. I remember it clearly now, like it was yesterday. August said “what” huffily. She had put on a fake scowl only so she wouldn’t laugh as well. It was still showing a bit though. I half laugh, half sigh at the thought of it. “You!” I replied. We could say stuff like that to each other because we were such great friends. “Have you seen what you look like? Giving dirty looks at the door and holding bright pink ear muffs against your ears, in summer, and holding on like you’ll die if you let go.” She let out a snigger.

“Ok fine that is pretty funny.” Then we both doubled over laughing.

We had about an hour to ourselves before Matron came in breathing heavily. “There you are girls; I’ve been looking for you for ages.” She said. “Sorry Matron.” We chorused. “Right,” she said sighing. She was still out of breath? “We need to go into the other room so we can leave. We are going to the theme park.” Me and August squealed and grinned at each other. Jumping up and down. The theme park! We have never been there before!

“Oh, my goodness May, the theme park!” August said to me. I don’t think I had ever seen her smile so much. This made me grin too. Seeing her happy, it made me feel so warm and fuzzy inside. “I can’t believe it, its really happening, after years of begging!” She punched the air in triumph. Then tried to shake her fringe out of her eyes. She had really short hair, a pixie cut. It suited her quite well. She had cut it herself. Matron refused to do it as it was too ‘boyish’ but August was having none of that. She stole the kitchen scissors that same night and cut it as well as she could.

August really was a tomboy though. I wasn’t apart from the fact I love to play video games. Me and August would sit for hours on end playing them. Our favorite one to play at that point was Minecraft. August though. She wore trousers, never skirts or dresses, plain black things or stuff to do with our favorite tv shows. We loved anime. Especially my hero academia and my promised Neverland. August also was very casual she would stand leaning against the wall with her hands in her pocket. She thought she looked ‘cool’ and at the time I thought she did as well. Looking back now is another story though. I’ll just say it did not look cool.

As we walked in the room, I noticed an increasingly worried look was appearing on August’s face. Her palms were getting clammy and she was trembling slightly. I squeezed her hand tighter and whispered in her ear “Don’t worry, the crowds won’t be too big, I promise, it will be fine.” August relaxed her posture and she gave me a small smile. “Now that’s the August I know.” I whispered and we carried on walking into the other room where everyone was standing.

“About time!” Alexa, the oldest, said. She wasn’t being horrible though she had a big grin on her head. “Now come her my little monkey.” She said and I had run into her arms as she gave me a massive bear hug. She squeezed me tight and I could smell her perfume. After approximately a minute I went back to August.

“Right get your shoes on everyone and we can go!” Matron shouted.

“Ok!!” We screamed back. Then everyone scrambled to get the shoes from the box. There was a lot of pushing and shoving, I had got Augusts for her. The room was actually quite big but as we all had to go to the same part it was chaos. When at last everyone had their shoes on, we left to go to the theme park. What we didn’t know though was how that trip would be the start of the horrific events to come.

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adventuresinwonderlust · 4 years ago

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Title: Ace and Min: Part 1

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader aka “Ace”

Warnings: Fluff, best friends to lovers, angst like a lot, slight crack, slight smut, abusive speak/language, talks of/and abusive behavior, talks of/toxic relationship

Rating: 18 and over

Your phone pings back to back as you load yourself into the taxi. You read over the messages your now ex has sent you. “You will never be anyone without me.” “Are you with that little shit Yoongi? He can’t beat me! He's a whiny little shit!” You choose not to answer as you tell the driver the address in which you were headed. Your phone pings once more. “Answer me bitch! I always knew you guys were more than friends. I see the way he looks at you. You think he can take my place?” Once again you choose not to respond, instead opting to switch the ring to silent. You hadn’t told your best friend of two years, that you had finally broke it off with your cheating jerk of a boyfriend. You didn’t want to damper the mood of your trip. You were surprisingly happy and excited at the thought of leaving your life behind and seeing your friend, even under the circumstances. Yoongi had just moved to Los Angeles six months ago and this has been the longest you two had ever been away from each other. The taxi driver couldn’t get you there any faster. “I’m in the cab and on my way to you.” You text Yoongi with a wink emoji. You didn’t want to think of anything sad or bad, you just wanted to be with the one person you knew understood you and loved you without cause or reason.

You exit the taxi, lugging your belongings with you into the luxury building of your best friends’ new apartment. He had just become more popular in the music producing game and was constantly busy, but you guys always made sure to stay connected. This was your first time visiting him at his new place and he had gushed about how beyond excited he was to be able to take the time off together to enjoy the fruits of his labor. When you booked your flight, he made sure to clear his schedule, he vowed no work and all play. You reread his message regarding the lock code to gain entry to his apartment during your ride up in the elevator. Once on the top floor, the elevator doors opened to reveal a large black door equipped with said keypad. You typed in the numbers, realizing as you did that it was your birthday. You enter the apartment and are greeted by a surprisingly simple and humble set up. You graze your hand across the top of the plush couch you once fawned over in a magazine and breath in the scent of an overgrown honeysuckle plant, making sure not to trample its long vines as you walk past along the corridor, as you make your way to the back of the apartment.

“Honey! I'm home!” You shout playfully down the hall. Suddenly a door opens, and you’re greeted by the wide gummy smile of your bestie! He playfully covers his face with his large, veiny hands but quickly drops them to reveal his smiling face once more. “You look amazing Ace!” He chuckles, opening his arms for a hug. All your emotions hit you at once as you run into his arms, knocking the wind out of him. “Minmin!” You say into his neck, warm tears streaming down your face. You squeeze tighter as a sob suddenly escapes your throat. “Hey, hey,” He rubs your back, “What's wrong? Am I that terrible looking at this time of night?” He jokes. You force a laugh. He takes you by the chin and turns your face to him being sure to pull your curls from your face. He looks you over concernedly. “Seriously, are you ok? Talk to me.” He wipes the tears from your eyes and you quickly hide your face in his neck once more. “I missed you so much! I just didn’t realize how much until I saw you.” You mumble into him. He chuckles while hugging you tightly again. “I’ve missed you too y/n. I don’t know if I'm gonna cry about it, but I did miss you.” He laughs causing you to join in while shoving him away. He continues laughing as he reaches out and grabs your wrist. He pulls you back into his embraced and you take a moment to breath him in. Vanilla and Eucalyptus, the smells of comfort, the smells of Yoongi. “Did you eat? Are you hungry? I didn’t prepare anything, but I do have ramen.” He offers, still rubbing your back. “No, thank you but you can show me around your fancy place, Min.” You say, releasing him now. He nods and waves you to follow him. “Down here is the guest bathroom,” He opens a door at the end of the hall and flicks on the light giving his best Vanna White impression before moving on to the next room, “This is the guestroom, I made it up with the fluffiest blankets and pillows for my esteemed guest.” He laughs. You walk into the room and run your fingers over the crisp white duvet. “Minmin,” You say in a baby voice, “All this for me?” He covers his face shyly. “I know how much you love a comfy bed.” He composes himself to say. You nod and leap back first into the bed becoming instantly engulfed in the plush comforts of your accommodations. “Ahh, don’t mess it up, I worked hard on that set up,” He groans, “Besides the tour isn’t over.” You whine but get up and follow him out of the room. He flicks the lights on in the master bedroom and your jaw drops. It’s twice the size of the guestroom and equipped with its own restroom. “Dammmmnnn Min, this is amazing!” You say in awe. You take a full walk around the room, taking in the four-post bed, television mounted on the wall, and desk set up in the corner. “Come, come.” He quips and you follow him to the next door. He opens to reveal a full studio, with attached booth on the left. To the right sits a plush love seat. You smile at the Knick knacks and tacked up photos of the two of you, you even lean in closer to get a better view. Yoongi, meanwhile, plops down on the couch. “What do you think?” He asks. You stand upright and nod while looking around. “I am so proud of you Min. This, all of this is truly amazing. You've worked so hard. You deserve it. I mean what more could you possibly want right?” You laugh. He blushes and gives a tight smile. “It’s lonely sometimes. It would be nice to share it with someone.” He mumbles. You pout at your friend and hop into his lap. He groans at the closeness. “You could have any girl you want Min. You just need to put yourself out there.” You say, wrapping your hands around the back of his neck and shaking him. He shrugs and wraps his arms around your waist. “I don’t want just any girl y/n.” He says. “Well, it's good not to settle you know. Not like me.” You remark. “What does that mean? Did something happen with Che?” He perks up a bit.

You feel your face flush and decide to change the subject quickly. “Oh my gosh, look at these pictures I took of people at the park.” You pull your phone out and start swiping through photos before he can ask any more questions. He scoffs quietly but otherwise looks through your pictures. “These are really good Ace. You should submit them to a magazine.” He encourages while lifting you slightly to adjust his sleepy leg. You attempt to help him by lifting your butt up but end up losing your balance and knocking your head into his. “Ahhh,” He laughs while rubbing his forehead, “You trying to knock me unconscious or what?” You laugh as well apologizing and planting a kiss on his forehead. He smiles slyly and cries out suddenly. “What?” You ask nervously. “It still hurts. Maybe it needs more convincing.” He explains as he puckers his lips and points to the spot you knocked into. You mush his head as you both laugh. “Come on, let’s eat something light and head to bed. I have a lot planned for tomorrow.” He tells you. You whine and curl further into his lap. “Can’t we just stay like this forever?” You whisper. He sighs and begins rubbing your leg. “Not if Che can help it. Now up we go Ace. Don’t be a lazy girl.” He nudges you gently and you rise pouting at him. “Fine, party pooper.” You say as you exit the studio. “You will thank me later.” He tells you, leading you out toward the kitchen. “Where did you get this huge Honey Suckle from?” You comment as you pass by. “I bought it just before you got here and had it delivered. I know you like them. I wanted you to feel at home. I’ll put it out on the terrace once it outgrows its pot.” He points past the living area. “You have a terrace?” You ask wide eyed. He nods in response. You walk over to the curtained windows and reveal the locked doors. You gasp as you unlock and walk out onto the hidden treasure. There are two lounge chairs on the left as well as a grill, table, and four chairs set up on the right. Not to mention the killer view of the city. You cover your mouth at the glittering lights. “People pay millions of dollars for this kind of view in New York Min.” You remark, not even sure if he can hear you from indoors. You look around and marvel at the gorgeous little garden that is set up along the red brick barricade. “Hydrangeas, Lilies, roses, and carnations.” You say aloud. “All your favorites, right? I’ll put the Honey suckle along the wall behind the lounge chairs so they can grow upwards towards the roof. I think the color will really stand out. What do you think?” He smiles wide. “I think you are amazing and way too good to me. I am so blessed to call you my friend.” You smile. His face drops slightly as he swallows hard but nods. “Yeah. Do you wanna eat out here or inside? It’s a nice night.” He asks. “Can we eat out here? I mean the view is amazing.” You turn and point. He nods and heads inside.

He appears again with two bowls of ramen noodles. You both take a seat at the table and begin eating. “So, how’s the east coast?” He asks, cheek full of noodles. “Eh, same ole, same ole. I quit my job at the magazine.” You confess, slurping up noodles as Yoongi chokes on his. He coughs hard, trying to clear his throat, taking a sip of water as he regains his composure. “When? Why? Wha- what happened?” He stumbles over his words. “They were giving me shit work. I want larger pieces. I want to do fine art and fashion shoots; I don’t want to be stuck in the ads section forever. I am worth so much more and I am sick and tired or people not seeing that.” You huff. He gives a tight smile and nods slowly. “I can see that y/n. That’s why you’re my Ace because you’re one of a kind. I mean look, I totally support any decision you make. I just want you to be happy. What does Che think of all this?” He scratches the back of his neck and leans back in his seat. Your bottom lip quivers and you just shrug your shoulders. “Why are you always so concerned with what’s going on with Che? Who cares what Che thinks Min? I am here talking about me and all you care about is Che. Why don’t you go fucking ask him if you’re so concerned,” You hop up out of your seat suddenly, “I’m going to bed. Goodnight.” You head inside quickly as Yoongi calls out to you. You enter the guestroom and slam the door shut being sure to lock it behind you. Yoongi knocks on the door, “Come on Ace, something is going on, why are you being this way? Please open the door. Talk to me.” He plays with the door handle while you sit on the bed crying softly into a pillow. “Go away please. I need to rest.” You shout. You hear him sigh from the other side of the door and walk off. You take a glance at your phone which you have been avoiding, to find a plethora of messages and missed calls. “Bitch!” “Are you with HIM?” “Fuck you both!?” “It’s not over until I say it is.” “I’m sorry baby please call me back.” “I can’t do this without you. She meant nothing, please forgive me.” “If you keep ignoring me, I’m going to come find you and you’re going to be sorry.” “Answer me!” You cry harder at all the horrible messages until eventually sleep finds you.

“My boss! You slept with my boss? How could you?” You yelled. “You were always so busy with work and I am a man with needs, needs that have to be met y/n! She was there for me when you weren’t.” Che yells back at you. “So, this has been ongoing?” You reply defeated, as the realization sets in. Your boyfriend just sighs. “Let’s not do this ok. Let’s just fix it.” He states. You laugh out loud. “Fix it! FIX IT!” You shout now, “There is no fixing this Che, its no wonder I’ve never been able to progress at my job. That bitch has been holding me back while lying on hers! I am so happy I am leaving. This trip couldn’t come at a better time.” You say heading to your room to grab your things. “Look, about that, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to go to LA. We have a lot to work on here.” He says as almost a command. You shake your head. “No, not going to happen. I haven’t seen Yoongi in months, I am not cancelling and this, whatever this is, is over Che.” You pull up the handle of your suitcase and walk towards your door. Suddenly, Che yanks you back by your arm. “You’re not leaving.” He shouts. You shove him with all your might. “Get off of me Che. What the hell is wrong with you?” You yell in shock, out of breath. “I’m sorry ok, calm down. I just want to talk and figure things out.” He forces a smile. Your adrenaline is coursing through you. “Ok Che,” You whisper, “Can you grab me a towel so I can put ice on my arm?” You point towards the bathroom. He nods, walking back to the back of the house. As you hear the linen closet open you race out of the door and down the stairs, yelling for a cab once you reach the front of the building. You are taking off down the street by the time Che is on the curb yelling your name.

You jump up from your sleep at the sound of your name echoing through your head. You look around and try to calm your fast beating heart. You’re still at Yoongi’s, you’re safe. You get out of the bed and change out of your clothes into a fluffy hoodie. You lay back down and try looking at your phone only to see its died. You grunt out of bed again to find and attach it to your charger. You turn to the bed but decide you don’t want to be alone tonight. You pad quietly out of your room and into Yoongi’s. Its so dark inside that you’re afraid of bumping your toe. You stretch your arms out in front of you, waving your hands around until you feel the plush of the duvet. You hum happily, pleased with yourself. You climb into the bed and under the covers, reaching over until you feel Yoongi’s soft cool hands. You rub your fingertips over the top of his left hand while you listen to the sounds of his breathing. He rouses suddenly at the feel of your hand on his. “Y/n, are you ok?” He stretches, taking your hand in his. “I’m sorry Min for freaking out on you at dinner. I’ve not felt like myself in a while. It has nothing to do with you.” You whisper, squeezing his hand. He chuckles softly. “It’s ok, I just wish you would tell me what’s going on. I don’t like that you’re keeping secrets. I am always here for you. I would never judge you.” He says. “I’m not, I just, I don’t mean to keep things from you. I just feel so disconnected since you left. Like a part of me left with you.” You confess. “I am always with you Ace. Nothing can change that. A million miles apart but always together.” He whispers, planting a kiss on your head before resting his head atop yours and pulling your body into his. You wrap your arms around him now and listen to the sounds of his heart beating. “Min.” You whisper now. “Hmm.” He responds. You push away from his embrace slightly to face him, his features coming into view even in the dark room. “I love you.” You say. He swallows as his mouth drops open to respond. You lean in and capture his bottom lip in between your lips. He pauses but you quickly engulf his mouth with yours, deepening the kiss by wrapping your arms around his neck. He grabs you around the waist and pulls your hips into his growing erection. You swirl your tongue around his, moaning softly into him. This was magic, you thought, exactly what kissing was meant to be, hot, warm, welcoming. You knew you never wanted to kiss another man after this because no other kiss could be as perfect. Its as if he poured all his love into this kiss. You needed more as you felt your body catch fire and skin goose.

You push him onto his back and straddle him, never breaking this magical kiss. You grind your hips into his hardened member causing him to groan from deep within his chest. He takes your ass into his hands and pushes his hips up into your moistened sex. Was this really going to happen? You wondered now, a sudden flash of guilt hitting you. You finally break from the kiss, both of you completely out of breath. Yoongi quickly attaches his swollen mouth to your neck, still guiding your aching cunt over his throbbing member. You moan unabashedly as he suckles and nibbles his way to your collar bone. He begins to work his way across your collar bone and up the other side of your neck before biting down hard. “Fuck!” You cry out at the intense pleasure that engulfs you. We shouldn’t, you think but still you welcome his mouth on yours as he begins to assault your mouth once more. He leans up now, wrapping one arm around your waist and sliding the other arm up your shirt, wrapping his large hand around one of your full mounds. He squeezes gently before taking ahold of your sensitive nipple and swirling it between his thumb and forefinger. Its been so long since someone has touched you, let alone kissed you this passionately. You wondered exactly when Che lost that passion, when it all became selfish love making, rough. As Yoongi planted kisses along your jaw and ear lobe, you realized just how much you missed passion, how much you missed fire, how much you craved it. “Are you sure you want to do this?” Yoongi whispers in your ear, breaking you away from your thoughts, allowing guilt to creep in again. “What?” You ask him. “I want this so bad but are you sure you want to do this?” He whispers again out of breath. He looks you over in anticipation for your answer. “Fuck,” You cry, covering your mouth with your hand, “I’m so sorry Min.” You say now. He swallows back the lump growing in his throat at your rejection but shakes his head. “No, no, please don’t be sorry.” He tries to pull you into a hug but you push him away. “I should sleep in the other room. I’m sorry.” You quickly jump off of him and begin to slide off the bed. “No, wait, Ace. Please its ok. I don’t want you to go.” But its too late, you’re already making your way back to the guestroom.

#bts smut #suga x you #yoongi smut #yoongi fluff

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makeupbychio · 5 years ago

Photo

to our baby // C.H

Pairing : Calum Hood x Female Reader.

Words : 7.9k

Summary : You’re a makeup artist from Brazil, and by accident you met Calum on Christmas Eve in a Uber. The question is whose Uber was it? Yours or his? but one thing is for sure, he believes in soulmates. A glimpse of your pregnancy in a video.

Warnings : Fluff, fluff and fluff. Angst, mentions of miscarriage and blood.

Inspired by : Kylie Jenner’s pregnancy video. I don’t know if you like Kylie but Stormi is the real goat. Classic rom com movies. Love for Brazil and the family that I have there. Blue music video by Beyoncé. Kehlani’s pregnancy. Baby fever.

a/n : hi babies, so I love dad!sos more than myself. I poured my heart on this one and hope you like it. Feedback is more than welcome and love y’all. Happy reading. Also this give me such rich vibes because, duh, successful parents. Also I did the moodboard and it’s the first time I did one.

2 months

Your best friend Natali decided to start recording this moment, and that’s how your video starts with a soft piano melody that Calum created for the entire video.

“Are you recording this?” you said looking at your bestie’s phone.

“Yeah, cause’ it is official” your bestie said pointing at the doctor’s monitor. A little peanut of 7 weeks growing inside you. Your doctor is rubbing that cold gel in your belly and your eyes are looking at the monitor with bright, shiny, sparkly eyes but inside you are afraid too. “Hi baby, this is your mommy”.

3 days ago…

You’re in a cafe with your best friend, it’s almost night time when you decided to go for a cup of hot chocolate and a good slice of cake that you’d been craving the whole week. Calum, your boyfriend is on press tour promoting the last two singles so you’d been hanging out with your best friend.

Once you’re walking back to your place, suddenly you started to feel like crap and disgusted by the smell of coffee that a stranger was drinking and passed by you. Your best friend noticed when you gagged and told you to hold on till the next shop.

“Hi Marcela!” your bestie said to the cashier of the shop. You should have say hi too but you ran to the bathroom. “Sorry, she ate something” she said waiting for you in the other side of the door. Once you were done you were still feeling like trash.

“Hi Marcela and don’t worry I didn’t spot anything” you said. Marcela’s your best friend’s cousin. They’re from Brazil, so do you. She works in a big pharmacy, that the owner’s her brother, Pablo. “How is that pretty boy who plays the guitar?” she asked you, and you laughed that she didn’t ask about how are you.

“You just saw him a couple of weeks ago” you said. “How are you tho?”.

“Ya’ know, excited for the surgery” she said referring to her breast surgery and you’re so happy to see her finally in the process of a trans woman. “Well, before you go you should go back to the bathroom with this, on the house” she said giving you a pregnancy test. Before you refused, Marcela interrupted you. “Your boyfriend’s birthday party was wild so I’m just sayin’” your best friend gave her a look to behave. “I mean I don’t judge you with that hottie and a wild night” she said pushing you back to the bathroom.

You didn’t give her an answer, because she was right of what happened that night after you and Calum were alone. Ugh, in that moment you wanted him in the other side of that door and not your friends that are just making you more nervous.

“I would like to have his babies too if I could” Marcela tried to break the ice of this moment with a joke and your best friend punched her to be quiet. “What?! I’m just trying to make her laugh”.

“Y/N? U okay? 10 minutes have passed” Natali said knocking the door.

“I’m too coward to look at the result” you said in a shy voice in the other side. Your friends looked at each other and encouraged you by telling you that whatever the result is they are going to be with you and support you.

You left the bathroom to show them the two lines in the test. It’s positive. You’re pregnant. It wasn’t the first time tho, but that story’s for later.

“This is how I found out about you” your best friend said to the camera. “Your mother and I were living our lives having fun and working hard when she met your father”.

“I think that the story of your parents is unique, your dad loves to tell how he met your mother” Mali said to the camera.

“Once I saw in a well known tv show that you met your soulmate three times before being together. I didn’t believe it cause’ I used to think that love is a scam but one day…” Calum said to the camera. He remembered when he listened that line while watching this tv show he said ‘fuck off’ but kept watching it. Two days after that he finally met you.

3 years ago…

It was Christmas Eve, and your biggest opportunity in your career as a makeup artist. You won this with a lot of effort. You had 5 clients that day, everyone wanted to get all glam for the day by you. You were late because there was no taxi or Uber available until one driver accepted your call. It was snowing and the Uber arrived outside one of your client’s house and you ran with your suitcases full of makeup.

Once you sat in the back of the car, a guy entered the car too, hurry like you.

“Excuse me?” you asked him. “This is my car, you must have another car plate”.

“Hell nah miss. I’ve been waiting for twelve minutes” he said showing you his phone he noticed your accent and your beauty.

“I have the same one!” you showed him your phone. “Please, I’m late for work” you begged him.

“I’m late too!” he resisted.

“Can you please tell this man that I called you first?” you asked the driver.

“Sorry, the app is crazy today so maybe the system gave to me your calls” the driver said through the rear-view mirror. “But I got her call first, sorry buddy”.

“Ugh thank you! Why you don’t go on your car? For sure you have a car if you live in this neighborhood” you said at the strange man of the leather jacket.

“My car is in the mechanic" he said. “Please please I will call your couple to explain why you are late if you let me take this Uber”.

“Excuse me?! I said I’m late for work!” you were tired and you have two clients left and one of them is a billionaire, so you started to get angry at him who didn’t understand that you’re in a hurry.

“Work? You must have a boring life” he said before leaving the car. You were not going to tell him your life and explain yourself. You thought to gave him the middle finger but it’s not the day for that, you just told the driver to go.

Two months after that episode you were doing a beautiful gold eye look on a tall and handsome guy. He’s so nice and you found cute when he asked you about makeup, skincare and your career.

“So if you want more intensity with the pigment you have to spray setting spray directly to the brush and then take a little of the shadow” you told Luke when you are done with his makeup.

It was the day when they were recording Valentine’s music video.

“Dude we are waiting for you, what the hell?” Calum asked Luke when he arrived the set.

“Sorry the makeup artist is so cool we were talking a little bit. She told me she’s from Brazil and her skin looks amazing. I’m going to say to call her again for the next videos” Luke said showing the guys how amazing he feels with his gold makeup.

Calum wanted a little bit of glitter on his cheeks, but when he went to the room where you did Luke’s makeup. He didn’t find you. Another makeup artist told him that you had to do Lady Gaga’s makeup for a magazine cover when he asked about you.

Calum was going to ask how she ended doing Luke’s makeup if she does biggest celebrities looks because he was surprised and realized that she (you) must be a talented MUA. But he forgot to ask.

Two months after again. 5sos were going to Coachella but not to perform. They were excited for the weekend to have fun and to see all their favorites musicians on stage.

This festival is all about outfits, makeup, accessories, influencers, etc. But also to get to know upcoming good artists from different countries and music genres.

“Ashley how we end up here? I don’t speak portuguese” The boys said to their friend who wanted to see a brazilian artist.

“Me neither! But I love Pabllo so much” Halsey said. “Please, come on! It will be fun I promise”.

Once in the VIP section, Luke hugged a girl that Calum didn’t recognize.

“Look Y/N” Luke said showing you to rate the glitter he applied.

“It looks amazing!” you said. And after that Luke introduced you to the rest of the boys telling them about the makeup you did on him for Valentine’s video, and Halsey recognized you since she’s a fan of makeup and to be honest you should be the one who is glad to meet her.

“Hey I think I know you from somewhere” Calum said trying to remember your face and before you said something and before the boys said a dirty joke, Calum remembered. “You stole my Uber! It was my Uber”. After a couple of jokes, and you clarifying that you didn’t stole anything, the show started.

Pabllo is the first brazilian drag queen to perform in this huge festival. You were Pabllo’s makeup artist, Calum didn’t need to ask you that. He saw you enjoying the show.

“This look is amazing” Calum said about the pink look you did on Pabllo. You thanked him for that compliment because it took you almost two hours.

“I also did chilean and argentinian artists makeup” you said proud of your work for this two weekends. After this song Pabllo is performing you have to go backstage to touch up the makeup. So after you said bye to everyone and before you went back to work Calum invited you to their place where they are staying for an after party when Beyoncé closes this festival’s day.

And after that, you two have been inseparable.

Today your career’s immensely different. Today you’re one of the most famous MUA in the industry. With a lot of famous clients, most of them billionaires including people from music, films, fashion industries, etc. You also opened a makeup studio in LA. This took you years, hard work, tears, sweat and blood to be who you’re today, always proud to be an immigrant. Nobody believes you when you told the story how you get into makeup. You come from a poor town in Brazil and every single night when you were in highschool you ran away from home to go to bars and do drag queens makeup, since then you’re friends with Pabllo and every brazilian drag queen.

“Like I was saying this is how she told your father about you” your best friend said while in the video that moment’s playing. You and Calum are in Arraial Do Cabo beach, your favorite since you have memory. It was sunset time, you were standing in the water holding hands when you told Calum the big new. The 35mm video shows how Calum lifts you up and kisses you so tenderly with the beautiful crystalline water as the background while he kneels to kiss your exposed belly in your bikini.

Of course you asked your doctor if you could travel to Brazil, your homeland. This was a trip that you planned with Calum for so long, you missed your family so much and also you didn’t want to cancel it since it was also Calum’s vacations. Once you arrived back your parents house you told them and your brothers (you’re the younger sibling) the big new. All of them cried and hugged you and for dinner your mom did all of your favorites brazilian dishes and desserts that you missed so much and you have to eat for you and the baby.

It was summer in Brazil and that night there was a storm but hot as fuck, as always. You were looking at the beauty of the city during night while you waited for Calum for bed time after an amazing day. He showed you the pictures he took during the day, he didn’t know if your glow was because you were at home, like when he visits Australia, or if it was the pregnancy.

The next day you decided to go for a picnic with your family, a tradition you have. You went to the same place that is close to your old house. The picnic area has multiples simple grass courts where kids play football. You filmed the moments when Calum and your brothers started playing with the kids of the neighborhood including your nephews, your heart melted to that view of the children laughing when Calum failed a goal and Calum’s heart melted at the view of you playing with your nephews in the grass and then dancing with them. They love to show you what they had learned about samba and capoeira. The only thing on Calum’s mind was that it feels just right with you and that he can not wait to live what he’s watching, with you. With each of them holding your hands you came back to picnic table.

“Baby you’re going to have amazing avós, tios and primos” you said while filming your family members that picnic day. Your parents kissing your forehead and your brothers filming you playing carefully with them the match.

“She still has it” your eldest brother said to the camera and then filming the picnic day. You can’t explain how much you love your family. You bought them a house in a good side of the city when you became rich. You were dreaming that your whole life because you came from a really poor part of Brazil but with the hard work of your mom, as a hairdresser, and your dad as a fisherman, you always had food and a house full of love. You consider your step dad like your real father, because he’s been there for you since day one and he taught you almost everything of life.

The first time Calum went to Brazil to meet your family, he already knew about your step dad. He and your brothers were harsh with Calum. The three of them have been always protecting you. When they realized how much Calum loves you, they treated him like family. Calum admires that coming from your step dad, and more than ever he has to show you that he would never do what your biological father did to you. He’s going to be the best dad in the world because he always wanted this with you.

Your last night in Brazil you found yourself looking at the balcony. You were sad for leaving again and for an specific memory. Calum noticed you were not sleeping and he knows you better than himself.

“Why you told me that you were scared to tell me the big new” he asked you. You told him that you didn’t know how he was going to react. And also because you didn’t know if he still wanted a family with you after your miscarriage you had last year.

1 year ago…

You never understand why the brain always remember the bad moments or the traumas. Sometimes you feel like this happened yesterday and some nights still haunts you. It was your mistake even when everyone told you that it wasn’t your fault. But it was.

You were back from Europe after all the fashion weeks in different countries. You travelled a lot, with no stop doing tons of makeup looks to tons of models to almost every designer that called you. Back in LA you continued with your clients and your studio.

You remembered that night, Calum was back too from the shows they did in Australia and New Zealand. Both of you were exhausted. In the middle of the night you started to feel feverish and thirsty so you went for water downstairs. Before you passed out you felt a strong ache in your back. The noise your body did against the floor got Duke in a second running where you were. He started barking when his help didn’t work which woke up Calum. He knew something was happening because you were not in bed and Duke was desperate. When he found you in the kitchen floor he called emergency when he saw blood in your shorts, he waited the ambulance next to you and holding you all scared because he had no idea what was happening.

In the hospital when the doctors did all the exams and gave you the medication you needed, your doctor went outside to talk to Calum explaining him what happened. You didn’t know you were pregnant until the moment you woke up and your doctor explained to you the same. Your doctor told you that the cause was the non-stop work you did, without eating well or drinking water, sleeping less than 4 hours, too much flights and the baby couldn’t make it. After a couple of days in the hospital to recover, your doctor told you to stay and rest at home all the time you needed. Calum was there for you all the time, taking care of you and letting you know he loves you, even when you felt guilty and barely could look at his eyes. You always thanked him for what he did because after that you thought he was going to break up with you. Your family, the guys and friends were there for you too and until today you go to a therapist.

Despite all the sadness that brought you the hardest time you had ever lived. It taught you to take care of yourself, to put your health first and to slow down with work even when it’s your passion. So now when your doctor said that you were pregnant, you decided to keep this a secret until your baby is born. You want to live to the fullest this pregnancy, taking care of you and your child, so that’s why you don’t want any paparazzis following you everywhere or things that damage your mental health because you don’t want the baby to feel your anxiety or panic over unnecessary scenarios.

You told your loved ones your plan, you told just the right amount of people that you were pregnant, people who you can trust. You told your clients the secret and that you were going to work and keep doing their makeup until you start to show.

“He just told us like ‘hey look at this’ and for our surprise it was the first ultrasound scan” Michael said to the camera while a video of that moment plays. Calum telling the boys that like if it was a simple meme on instagram, their faces, reactions by jumping and screaming were priceless. “And we were so confused and I remembered I said ‘wait this a baby’”.

“Come on guys!” Luke said when you and Calum were goofing around the arena during soundcheck playing like kids and hugging each other. Then in the dressing room waiting for the show cuddling in the sofa laying your bodies in the limited space, Calum’s kissing your nose and the rest of your face and you’re caressing his cheeks and stubble softly with your nails. You promised Calum that you’re going to be careful every single show you will come to see him.

“Every single picture or video you find about your parents, you can see the chemistry” Andy, who is the director of this video, said to the camera and then a video he did for Calum’s birthday party is playing. “Everybody say happy birthday to Cal… one, two, three!” Ashton said through the microphone when it was time to sing at Calum. Then you two kissing and partying, and then leaving the club with all the flashes directly to your faces and other cool little moments of you two playing in the video to show how could your baby’s parents are.

3 months

You were in your first trimester when Calum found himself stepping into the elevator for the ultrasound which is going to reveal your baby’s gender. Andy’s filming everything and zoomed to little details that showed that Calum was nervous and anxious to see and hear his baby for the first time. He’s waiting for you that you’re on your way after doing a client’s makeup.

Your style have always been so urban and grunge. You always wear baggy shirts with cool designs on it or bands/singers merch or vintage shirts. And now it’s even more comfortable to you wearing that.

Luke was waiting for you to drive you to the clinic. It wasn’t a surprise when you saw paparazzis pictures of you arriving with Luke and rumors were already on social media but till the end everyone denied your pregnancy. But it was funny but crazy some of the rumors.

Plastic surgery, that you were cheating Calum with Luke, that you were expecting a baby, etc.

“Please guys, leave her alone” Luke said to the paps when he got out the car. He had to lie but he wanted to scream at them to give you space because of the baby but he couldn’t. Everyone was so protective with you and you understood because none of you wanted you live another miscarriage.

If it depends on Calum, he prefers that you don’t lift heavy things or anything that requires too much effort. “How are you feeling today baby mama?” he asked knowing about your morning sickness. You told him that you were perfect that you just want to know the gender of your baby.

“You’re fifteen weeks now” your doctor said rubbing again the cold gel against your belly. Calum was in a chair next to you rubbing your leg focused watching the monitor just like you.

“Hey chief u are putting too much pressure on” Calum said on the defensive watching how hard the doctor was pressing the gel in your belly.

“Don’t worry, Calum. It’s just the skin. There she is” the doctor said once finally found the perfect take of the baby checking every detail and told you both that everything is okay.

“She? Can we hear the heartbeat?” Calum asked already covering his mouth and he can feel the chills going down his body tearing a little bit. Andy who was inside the room, zoomed to the monitor and also the only one who knew the gender before the reveal party.

4 months

Make it last forever

Come on, baby, won’t you hold on to me, hold on to me?

You and I together

Come on, baby, won’t you hold on to me, hold on to me?

Blue

Calum till the present day after your baby was born, he sings this song to her at nights. His voice activated your baby, she really loves her daddy’s voice and she showed her joy with shorts kicks in your belly. She demanded when she missed Calum’s voice or warm touch or when she was having a really good time after he sang or talked to her.

“Babe I think your daughter’s having a party in there” you said feeling her feet. You also had your mom and daughter quality time, you talked to her most of the times telling her typical brazilian stories your mom told you once, or giving her a couple of wise words or you also sing to her even when you can’t compare your voice with Calum’s with brazilian or typical lullabies.

“Hi baby, I know you love this private concerts at night but mommy has to sleep too” he said closer to your bump. Calum helped her to go to sleep by telling her stories or how he can’t wait to have her in his arms. “Well, as I can see you want to be awake I’m going to tell how I met your gorgeous mother” he started. He keeps telling that story too, you always tease that she’s going to get bored of the story but Calum tells the story every single time with more love.

5 months

Short videos of yourself in sweats and your bra showing your growing belly of five months in the backyard taking the sun of LA and the spring that is left. Then in the pool, next with Duke aka your partner of naps when Calum was in the studio, who at the first months he laid his head on top of your belly but now that is bigger he just lays next to it.

Since you got your doctor’s confirmation, you did mini videos in the mirror of your bathroom to see the progress. Filming from different angles with different clothes like underwear or bikini, short or long dresses, thigh or loose, etc. Calum loves to appear in the take behind you kissing your neck and landing his hands in your belly. Now talking about bathroom, he also loves to help you to get into and out the shower, wrapping you with towels, putting your socks or shoes if you can’t reach your feet, zipping up your dress and if you had a rough day he prepares you a bath with bubbles and candles and joins you. He loves doing all of the previous thing before you got pregnant. You do by yourself your makeup, of course, but he teases you about he’ll be an amazing makeup artist.

“Not after what you did to me that time” you said at him remembering that funny video when he did your makeup.

When Andy isn’t around you’re in charge of filming like early in the morning when you wake up before Calum. Every morning he woke up with his head near your belly and his warm touch around. He looks so at peace sleeping because you know that the previous night he fell asleep late talking with the baby, it’s been his routine lately so in the morning you take the camera and film your view, you take the opportunity to brush Cal’s messy morning curls with your fingers for a while.

6 months

Calum had a surprise for you since you couldn’t travel to Brazil or neither to Australia because it was too risky as your doctor said. He told you that today you two have Ashton’s birthday lunch. He wasn’t lying because it was Ashton’s birthday but also the surprise he had so he was filming since early in the morning.

“Babe can you help me, please?” you called him from your shared room. He went upstair with his camera.

“Damn look at you! Baby mama slaying!” he praised you looking at you with troubles with the unzipped dress. You blushed but gave him a pose with your belly at the camera.

“Please help me, next week I have to buy clothes and underwear that can fit me” you turned and he slowly helped you because he didn’t want to damage the dress that barely was fitting on you. “You can say it” you said with a pout since you noticed that any piece of your clothes were fitting you.

Calum knowing about your hormones and how you’re feeling with the shape of your body, which he thinks that you can’t look more precious but understand your struggle, he just wanted you to feel good. “You look amazing honey and you know how much I love this dress” he said with a smirk and hugging you to kiss your neck and grab your ass.

“Okay Hood, let’s go if you don’t want to have twins…daddy” you teased him before he got more horny. You winked at him and grabbed your bag to go downstairs but he stopped you.

“I think that with this you’re going to look even hotter” he gave to you a luxury package ready for your reaction. You opened it and found the shiniest gold heavy chain, you looked at him shocked. “I got a similar one too, it represents the name we choose for our baby” he said and you were already tearing up and told him that it’s beautiful and he told you not to worry knowing that the next thing you were going to say that it wasn’t necessary because of the price. Once outside you kissed him before he helped you to get into the car.

“Still don’t understand why Ash’s going to celebrate his birthday two days before” you asked Calum while he’s driving.

Calum’s a really bad liar but he did his best to keep his surprise. “I told you babe, he’s going to be in Australia for the next weeks”. Lie. And you remembered how mad you were at Ash when he told you because he was going to miss the baby shower.

But once you arrived Ash’s place and went to the living room and saw a bunch of people jumping and screaming ‘surprise’ at you, you got scared and hid your face on Calum’s neck and he can felt a few tears because your and Cal’s families are here. You hugged everyone and thanked Calum once again for this. “I love you so much”.

“Love ya’ more” he said smiling down at you and kissed your crown. And the next day both of you and your families, the guys, close friends like your MUA’s friends and from the music industry were at your place. You’re wearing a more comfortable outfit than the day before, it was a black fitted midi tank dress and a rainbow tie-dyed hoodies that you and Calum ordered for the baby shower theme because you don’t like that thing that pink is for girls and blue for boys so everyone’s wearing the colorful outfit.

You’re posing in your garden full of beautiful flowers of different colors as everyone’s taking you pictures.

“More to the side” Mali said to have the perfect picture of you and your baby. Andy was filming every moment and zoomed it when you waved at his camera and the other hand on your belly. Then pictures with Calum, then the families, the guys, and everyone who was invited. Every single person can noticed your happiness and pure joy, you were glowing and even more with your soft peachy glowy makeup you did.

In the video the zoom’s now on your and Calum’s matching chains that you were wearing minutes before the reveal.

“Goddammit just say it!” Michael screamed impatient.

“Yeah, I bet Michael that it’s a boy” Luke said. They actually did bet five hundred.

“Why would you do that?!” Ashton stole words that Calum was going to say.

“Cause’ Y/N has two brothers and two nephews, maths Ash!” Luke said confident about his prediction.

Duke was hiding inside a box with the truth. When you both opened the box, Duke came out with a mini billboard hanging on his collar that says ‘It’s a GIRL!”

“YES!” Everyone screamed but mostly Michael because now he won those five hundred dollars.

“Definitely I’m going to be her godfather” Michael said looking at the guys. Andy asked them to say something for the video, they were sitting in the couch.

“Hell nah Michael… Focus! We have to say something to our niece” Luke said at him. “Hi kiddo, unfortunately we’re also your uncles, I’m uncle Luke and just wanna to let you know that you have the coolest family ever and you can count on us for everything”.

“Yeah, I hope you guys have clear that we’re going to spoil this baby a lot” Michael said looking at you and Calum, you nodded at him and he with his partner made it clear by bringing tons of gifts for the baby shower. “Cool, I’m just going to say that never be ashamed of who you are or your dreams and I know I’m going to be your favorite uncle because your birthday’s going to be near mine”. Michael said to the camera while he did his thing with his hair of always adjusting it.

“Hi dear niece, uncle Ash here, you’re so lucky to have your parents and they’re lucky to have you. Hope you have your mother’s features cause’ she’s hot…” Calum slapped his head from behind due to the comment. “Okay! your dad isn’t that bad tho…being serious live to the fullest cause’ life’s beautiful, especially if you play drums” Ashton laughed and you rolled your eyes at how all of them including Calum had been discussing which instrument the baby’s going to love most.

7 months

“You have to exercise, you gained ten pounds that weren’t planned” your doctor said. “Something light of course, and Calum, by the way you’re looking at me all scared, don’t worry cause’ everything’s going to be okay”.

“I’ve been craving a lot lately, I’m going to start again” you said swinging your legs like a child sitting once your doctor finished cleaning the gel of your belly. So the next morning you started again with yoga, you stopped for a month and that happened. You did yoga every morning with your personal trainer, since you can’t go to her studio because the secret will be revealed. Calum was also there encouraging you and sometimes Ashton, who assured you that he wasn’t there because he finds your trainer attractive.

@enews: Is Y/N pregnant? She’d been seen attending at 5sos shows this week and fans took pictures of her enjoying the show in the middle of the arena with friends and family in the restricted space. In the pictures we can see that she gained weight by her cheeks. In the picture you can’t see if there is a baby or not due to her outfits. She, with her husband Calum also are the last ones to leave the arenas asking the bodyguards to make sure there is no paps. What do you think? It’s confusing because she and Calum have been posting a lot lately and you can’t be sure about a little 5sos member coming BUT fans are saying that maybe they’re posting old stuff to confuse us and also fans called to respect their decision after what happened to the couple last year. Link in our bio to see the pictures.

“Do you want to say something to your granddaughter?” your brother asked with the camera to your parents and you melted at how cute your family looked with the hoodies on.

“Ugh, I can’t wait to hold you, kiss you, hug you, teaching you things that maybe your mommy can’t teach you” your mom said all emotional.

Your dad said to the camera that they can’t wait to have your baby visiting Brazil and teach her all about your culture and country. And you couldn’t be more agree with them. You want to show your daughter her roots, teach her portuguese and bring her to the carnivals in Brazil, spend all day in the beach walking with her in the seashore holding your hand and a lot of things that you have in the list. The same that Calum has in my mind since he found out about his baby but visiting Australia.

“I know you’re going to be smartest and most beautiful baby in the world and as you can see you got us wrap around your finger and every single person that loves you” Calum’s mom said to the camera.

“I’m going to be the best auntie I promise” Mali said to the camera and her dad joked about she and your best friends are the only aunties, because your baby has more uncles that aunties and that’s going to be fun.

“A doble vegetarian cheeseburger with caramelized onion and fries, please” you said from the passenger seat ordering your food to the worker of your favorite place for your cravings. Not taking risks to leave the car. Since you stopped working when you were five months you’ve been wearing baggy clothes to go outside and your designer friends have been sending you all kind of clothes from baggy and comfy dresses but still elegant and chic to pants and underwear that are the pieces you needed since every day your belly grows. Your best friend was driving and Mali was filming from the back. “And two portions of fries and a strawberry vegan milkshake, please… thank you!” you said with a guilty look to the camera. Later you’re going to ask why your doctor told you to lose weight.

In another occasion that Michael invited all of you guys for dinner and you had in your plate a lot of things you took. “What do you have here?” Andy asked filming.

“Well we have mac n’ cheese, french fries and sweet potato fries, two cheeseburgers of course one for me and one for the baby and a lot of salad because why not?” you said raising your shoulders.

But it hasn’t always been this way with your cravings and just beautiful things during your pregnancy because isn’t the truth.

Your cravings were so crazy and even things you didn’t like before that suddenly you want to eat that Calum reminded you that you hate that but doesn’t argue with you because you were going to get mad. It started with a lot of sweet things like cake or pies, fruits or chocolate and a lot of ice cream. Then peanut butter with watermelon, yeah, gross. To food that you love but hated being pregnant. Also food that one day you loved and the next morning you were disgusted and the next one loved again. And it ended with a lot of salty food like cheeseburgers, pasta, nuggets, etc but your loyal friend during the 9 months was ice cream.

“Babe I want to eat feijoada!” you pouted at Calum with a huge crave of your favorite typical brazilian dish. Calum couldn’t believe what he was hearing, it was 2 am and you were hungry and not in the best mood. “And also passionfruit ice cream, please”.

Calum did everything but the brazilian restaurant you love was already closed and he didn’t have idea how to do it. “We have the ice cream tho” he suggested if you changed your mind but that didn’t happen. You were going to start crying, the hormones were doing their thing that day.

Calum really wanted to spoil you but he had no idea what to do. He tried to facetime your family but he would have understood if they hadn’t answered because it was 6 am in Brazil. Thank God, your middle brother already started his day and when Calum told him what he wanted to do, your brother really realized how much he loves you. So he told him the steps, the recipe and the special secret of your family tradition, Calum told himself for the next one to pay attention when you or another person cook this dish.

“K’ thank you man, say hello to the rest, bye!” Calum waved through the phone once the feijoada was done.

“You are going to be a good dad, Cal. Now go to spoil your girls!” your brother waved at him too. And Calum really appreciated that comment.

“Sorry babe for being a pain in the ass lately” you said to Calum while you eat the ice cream laying against the headboard of the bed. He didn’t let you apologize for that because you’re doing something majestic and it was more than normal the things you had been through.

Even when those moments aren’t going to appear in the video, Calum’s going to for sure telling your baby your crazy cravings. When you cried more than once watching puppy videos on Instagram and Calum asking you “babe what happened?” and you just told him “it’s just that the puppy’s so cute” and he comforting you every time you cried when the hormones were crazy.

When you struggled with clothes. “Baby I’m doing my best” you said almost holding your breath and Calum trying to zip up your blue dress but in the middle of the night still end up broke. That night was a mess, you were out with Calum celebrating Tyler’s birthday, a friend of yours and you were half undressed that Calum gave you his jacket to cover the mess and then you started to feel sick when you caught the smell of a strong cheese.

How to forget how you feel with your body. The pain in your back, your feet, your breasts or when you felt so tired sometimes. How some days you were feeling yourself and other days you felt the most horrendous person. Some days the sexiest woman in the world and others the most unwanted one when you found a new stretch mark or how big your breasts and butt are, the pounds you gained.

“I promised that I used to be sexy, look baby” you said at Calum showing him a picture of you when you were 18 years old, you were in Copacabana with your friends in a party. Calum every day letting know how much he loves you and told you that you’re always going to be the prettiest woman in the world even when you had chocolate all over your face. He helps you too with your body issues because for his eyes all of these new things are a reminder of your little peanut and he loves every single inch of your body.

8 months

“I’m thirty four weeks today, just a month left” you said to the camera showing your belly. “Look baby, your daddy’s painting your room” pointing at Calum applying the peachy paint in the walls and later you were going to add with black paint some trees and other things like clouds, sun, the moon, etc.

Calum was already a 24/7 daddy. He called the guys to help him with the crib and the rest of the furniture. He had ready the bags for the hospital and the plan for that day.

Since you decided to keep your pregnancy a secret and to stop working and stay at home and not be in the public eye, you still had fun doing puzzles, playing with makeup, inviting your friends when Calum had to go to work. And every day you worked from home too, you still had to manage your makeup studio and your clients glam.

Tonight you prepared dinner, a brazilian night. You invited everyone and after you were goofing around in the living room with music in the back. The guys made you laugh at their attempt to dance samba. You decided to join the baby mama dance flexing your pregnant dance moves so you started filming with the front camera of your phone and dancing with the rest to ‘All Me’ by Kehlani.

“What if she isn’t into makeup?” Andy asked you in the baby shower. This is the first time you speak for the video.

“It doesn’t matter. She can do and choose anything she likes, I just want to teach her that she as a girl that girls can. To empower her if she likes science, art or sports or whatever I’m going to be there for and with her. Baby just remember that I’m going to love you every single day of my life and I’m sure that you’re the coolest and prettiest Maori-Brazilian girl in the world and you should be proud of that. We with your dad are waiting for you, love ya’”. you said to the camera.

“Hi princess, well I’m going to try not to cry while I say this but I can’t explain how much we love you and can’t wait to finally have you in my arms and sing to you and have fun with you. You’re my sunshine and your mom’s my soulmate, that tv show I saw was right about soulmate but the truth is that Uber was mine” Calum said to the camera smiling so big that his eyes crinkled and you giving him a look because that question about if that Uber was yours or his is going to be forever a topic, but one thing for sure is that moment changed everything.

“Calum!” you screamed from the living room where you were resting after dinner with Duke in the couch. Calum arrived in a second running from the backyard. You were suddenly scared. “Don’t know if Duke peed in the couch or…” and the next thing you saw was Calum taking the bags and helping you to get up to lead you to the car. He was freaking out inside but he tried to keep calm and always reminding you to breath when a contraction hit you.

Andy filmed when he arrived the maternity floor in the hospital. Everyone was waiting outside the labor room. He gave your mom the camera as she was inside the room with Calum next to you.

“Five centimeters left” the nurse said. For the video you decided to cover the screen so everyone will see just a black screen.

“Everyone’s here” your mom said while you wait. “We, Cal’s family, the boys, Natali, Marcela and Andy with Sarah”. And all of them were nervous waiting with fingers crossed with shuddering legs and feet against the floor waiting for Calum to go outside to say that the baby’s here and that you are fine.

You didn’t put in the video the ugly side of contractions and the pain you were feeling. The word you heard a billion times was ‘breath’, ‘take a deep breathe’.

“You’re going to meet your little girl” your doctor said to you and Calum once you were ten centimeters ready. You wanted to scream at your doctor for everything that the nurses put on you. How painful the epidural shot was and the every 3 or 5 minutes the contractions were. Till today you’re more than grateful that you had Calum supporting and helping you and also that he didn’t pass out. He’s going to be forever amazed at how your body and mind really did that and carried your little princess.

“Okay, eight, nine and… ten. Go, push” you heard. “Good job Y/N, keep going please take a breath”. “One more and you’re done” your doctor said and in that moment you felt how Calum held your hand with all of his energy.

“You can do this baby” he said encouraging you. You were tired and all sweaty but your reminder was that one more to hold your baby.

Cries filled the room letting you know that she’s finally here. “Open your eyes mama” the nurse said to meet your baby before you fall asleep.

“You did it baby, congrats” Calum was crying while he kissed your forehead, so do you. “I love you mama” he said. He couldn’t believe that years ago he didn’t believe in love but getting into that Uber that Christmas Eve was, is and is going to be forever the best decision of his life.

To our baby

Ema Kara Hood

October 26

8 lbs, 9 oz

11:15 pm

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