#Guys this is what had my brain go brr all day today

[forgetful-nightmares-stuff]

I THINK N HARMONIA HAS FUCKING ADHD: THE RANT

Hey, hi, yeah, remember me? I'm that random user who's procrastinating heavily on drawing N. Yeah, hi!

I had a rabbit hole last night and I need to rant. So, I'm going here.

I was messing around with something and eventually found this old post, which has information on N and Ghetsis.

N's interested me a fair bit (like how he can perceive people's past and future– which I interpret as him not being a psychic but instead he can just very easily read people's intentions through body language and such (considering that he's extremely observant). Like, he can very easily tell who's good, who's bad, and who can challenge his ideals. If he were psychic he'd already know that the pokemon liked/loved the player by seeing our interactions with them before and after, so he wouldn’t ask your pokemon on how you're treating them. He’d also know the future and see through Ghetsis’ plans which just throws a wrench into the story.) But what caught my eye was he's stated to have a high IQ and is a genius at math; which makes him Gifted, which is neurodiverse.

Anyway, I then did a bit of digging at like 1:00 AM because why not? And I learned that 50% of the gifted population also has ADHD. And, the idea of N having ADHD makes sense to me. Not hyperactive ADHD (you're hyper, and the noise in your brain is more physical) obviously, look at him. But, rather Inattentive ADHD (More mellow, and the noise is more internal and thought-based (what I have :D)). N is way too caught up in his head to not be the Inattentive type. He can also be AuDHD, or neither and just be gifted (which is possible, there is an overlay between being gifted and autism/neurodiversity.)

But IF he has Inattentive ADHD (and I'm not just projecting heavily), I did do some digging into the topic of ADHD Gifted kids and I found this about ADHD "Superpowers"

And uh... I realized I never really looked into these myself. So I decided to check it out, and what did I find? ... yeah more "N most likely has ADHD" stuff. And I'm gonna go through it to the dismay of everyone. Sadly I can't make a color-coded presentation because of time and finals. So text instead!

Note: I am not at all a professional; I'm just someone with ADHD hyper-fixating badly on a green-haired creature and I also took one Anthropology, Psychology, and Sociology class for my high school credit and wanted to make a character analysis for him a while ago anyways.

On we go-

"Intuition and connection to emotion

• The “big feels,” when given space for expression, can be very informative in ways that aren’t accessible through a filter of rationality

• We want to encourage the kid to learn and practice her own capabilities in emotion regulation, while at the same time encouraging exploration of some of the emotional intensities, giving space for them"

N didn't have this ability because of isolation for 13 years, but he does canonically have intense emotional changes, so that's just emotional dysregulation at its finest. Plus not being able to properly express them. (Actually, I did headcanon that N is really good at masking minor emotions but when heavy emotions come on (ex. Anxiety to sudden Distress) it's like a massive wave hitting someone. And apparently, I was right??? Even if a little-) 

"Perception/observation/curiosity • The ADHD brain is hungry for novelty and dynamic activity. It sees and tolerates/appreciates new ideas, new movements, new visualizations, and new concepts. • Individuals with ADHD often perceive (intuitively) connections or “flows” that are not appreciated by others. They often enjoy taking a “bird’s eye view” of things, and asking the “what-if” questions."

Yeah, this is N. With the fact that he recognizes that Hilbert/Hilda can challenge his beliefs and it intrigues him, so he basically starts a "game" in Nimbasa just saying; "Grow your ideals, do it. Challenge my way of thinking." then just leaves, what a normal guy.

"Social influence and charisma • This is a product of lots of the previously mentioned superpowers (e.g., flexibility, openness, curiosity, boundless energy, perceptiveness, etc) • The infectious smile that says a million words, is like an invitation saying hey, come check this out, follow my imagination, do this skateboard flip, try this new dish I made, look at this building I designed, etc. Leadership • The willingness to say things others might not say • The tendency to be direct and succinct • The ability to hold multiple problem-solving tasks in mind at once • Keen sense for group dynamics due to strong emotional intuition "

Yeah, these two were both nurtured and encouraged by Ghetsis. Doubt N really had much of a say in that. Gotta love being groomed as a child by some guy who grabbed you in the woods to be a cult’s king at the ripe ol’ age of like 5. N HAD to learn this, he HAD to gain his public speaking skills and just radiate cult leader charisma like he’s the damn sun.

N is also a rather fast talker, which makes sense with ADHD as well because they typically are very fast talkers (their brains are going fast, so it's easier to talk fast than to match everyone else's speed and slow down). So if N were to dislike people and social norms or Ghetsis did some abusive parent string pulling - maybe both - then N's fast-talking might have persisted out of spite or to have the ability to get his words out before he gets interrupted. maybe a bit of both, who knows

Or Ghetsis just really doesn't care if his son is a fast talker. 

Also, I remember a statistic I saw a while ago right; neurodivergent folk also have a higher sympathy for animals or something (idk I don't remember it completely, if someone would like to find it then be my guest), but (at least from my experience and with my autistic sister's input) it's easier to interact with animals than it is to interact with people – even without verbal communication. It's much more easier; no fear of rejection, and no expectations. Just you and the animal(s) you're with. Something that N would rather do than be around people. He hates people but adores pokemon and would prefer living with pokemon over people. Which is honestly so real.

Anyway, thank you for listening to my TeD talk!

(Btw; I'm not trying to say that N is 100% definitely ADHD- it's just a possibility aside from being gifted (which, reminder, can still apply to Allistic/Neurotypical people). Buddy spawned and everyone collectively pointed at him and said "He has a touch of the 'tisim." And has been HEAVILY peer-reviewed as neurodivergent since 2011. He can honestly be either Autistic, ADHD, hell even AuDHD and I'm pretty sure everyone will be okay with it)

((Also also, you can't tell me N's flavor of autism isn't Math, pokemon, and Ferris Wheels all at the same time. Pretty sure if you ask the right questions he'll give you a lecture about how Ferris wheels work (color-coded slideshow and math equations included) then all of that gets interrupted the second he sees a Butterfree with a slightly different wing pattern.))

[asfdhgsdkjhgb]

im riding the high of academic success

[lix-ables]

call me yours | b.c | 18+

a/n. today's the day my brain goes brr~ finally i managed to put this out before my tests, im sorry for the delay my doves, i hope you enjoy this !!

༊ genre – nsfw, minors dni

༊ cw: soft mean!dom chan switch!reader, slight sir kink, praise kink, mentions of humping, possessive kink, slight choking (also mentions of collars), teasing (man, its chan) use of the pet names lamb, pet, pup/puppy, chérie, etc.

༊ wc // 0.9k words

༊ pairing // classmate!chan x f!reader.

༊ taglist – @ethereallino @chvnnie @hwajin @niinjo @chrisbahng @amaranth-writing @heebs-psycho @starlostseungmin

"on your knees, chérie," chan whispers, his voice firm but soft. his eyes don't move from your body as you look up at him while getting down on the hardwood floor of your apartment. his fingers reach to lift your chin so you were facing him, and not the prominent bulge that was snug in his sweatpants. "im sure you're good at following instructions right?" you nod once, licking your bottom lip. "what is that nod, hm? i asked you a question."

"yes, sir."

"you'll have to behave if you want to get something at the end of this, yeah? and keep up," chan's voice fills the room, and anything he said, made you feel filthy. filthy in a way that you wanted to do unspeakable things to him, in a way that you wanted him to use you as he pleased. sure, you would let him. you knew anyone would. “what’s your pretty lil’ brain thinking about?”

you settled on the floor, and stare into his eyes. “hmm, nothing,” “thinkin’ about how good you’re gonna get fucked tonight?” he smirks, holding his hand out for you to take, making you sit on your knees once again. you whine in protest, only to earn a playful flick on your knuckle, making you moan giving the man in front of you the hint that you liked it a little bit too much. 

“don’t tell me you liked that,” he frowns, amused. you shake your head, watching him leave butterfly kisses to your knuckles, giving more attention to the area that turned red now. “now,” he mumbles, his lips brushing your skin, sending shivers down to your wet core. “are you going to listen to me, pet? we have a lot of time in our hands, and neither of us has to be anywhere,” chan continues. “yes, sir,” you whisper a reply, your eyes closing and you swore that this man could just make you cum by the words he was using. 

“good girl, you’re learnin’,” he chuckles, his thumb rubbing circles to the back of your hand and you suck in your breath. you can’t keep making the smallest of gasps, and the loudest whimpers. you can’t give in already, but him calling you ‘good girl’, now, that had you. “if you’re trying to hide those pretty sounds from me, i suggest you don’t. it’s only going to make me want to tease you even more,” chan clicks his tongue. 

your eyes just look at him, the floor suddenly feels cold and chilly, but you try to ignore it, hoping he would do something soon. you were ready to take anything he gave you, that's how desperate you'd become. you'd reach to the point that you would fall apart if he just told you what he would do.

"tell me what you want," was all the boy in front of you said, his fingers now under your chin, and you had to focus on him now. there was no other choice left. "tell me what you want, or i'm using you as i please." you mewl, wanting words leave your lips, but they didn't want to. "so needy, can't even use your words can you, lamb? that's alright. you can put your mouth to use, i'm sure you're wet already, soaking even."

have you been bold before? sure, with other guys, almost being dominant. telling them what you wanted, how you wanted it, how they needed to please you, and they obeyed. why was chan so different? he intimidated you ever since you met him in class, calling you 'pet' almost immediately, not hesitating to assert him control.

"i bet if i just let you suck on my fingers, you'd cum. wouldn't you, pet?" his voice interrupted you, and you lick your lips at this comment, not realising that you nodded your head, until he let his thumb slip into your mouth, and your lips closed around his digit faster than he imagined. "fuck, it's so cute how you just know what to do with your mouth. is this how you're going to feel with my cock in your filthy mouth, huh?" chan grunted.

his free hand reached to wrap around your neck, letting his grip get a bit tight when he did so, watching you suck on his finger, your tongue twirling around it, bobbing your head. your hands now rest on his clothed sweats, gripping onto his thighs for support, your eyes trained on him, and you swore you heard a moan out of the man. "jesus christ, you look so gorgeous on your knees for me. does anyone else get you this wet? does any guy know what you fucking want, pup? shit, you'd look so good in a collar right about now, all pretty and cute to be fucked."

just as he put his thumb in your mouth, was as fast as he removed it, leaving you whining. "not yet. i'm not done with you yet. we're gonna go slow, and you're going to make yourself cum on my thigh. if you soak through your panties, and make a stain on my pants, maybe i'll fuck you. either beg for it, or show me that you fucking deserve this cock filling you up okay?"

chan reaches his hand for you to take, and you get up, your knees buckling below you. "haven't even fucked you yet, love. and you're already sore. i'm disappointed." he helps you on his thigh, resting your hands on his shoulders, helping you out of your plain bra, making you regret the choice you made, but you didn't know this was going to happen. he helps you out of your panties, sliding it to the side, resting it on your right thigh.

"fuck yourself on me like you mean it, lamb. and do it good. make sir proud."

[minthysugamon]

Why'd you only call me when you're high? (J.JK x Reader)

Drummer! Jungkook x Manager's daughter! Reader.

Warnings: Mentions of sex,drugs and alcohol. Usage of foul language (like in most of my writings bc i talk like a roadman). Friends with benefits type of relationship. Kinda angsty but also fluffy if you search for the fluff with a magnifying glass.

Word count: 2222 (hehe,angel number go brr)

A/N: I promise,i will try to do some smut but i don't feel comfy enough to write it bc idk...i just cringe when i see my writing. So sorry if it isn't what you guys expect...

3:03 am

Your phone buzzed once again. It was for the 6th time tonight in a row,so even without looking at the device,it was safe to assume that the rockstar your dad managed was probably at some pub,hammered and not even being able to call a cab for himself so he called your number. Like usual. 3:04 am. It rang again. "What? It better be an emergency cause i swear to god if you're calling because you're dru-" his laugh was as intoxicating as the liquor he had sipped on some minutes ago. "Doll,listen...i need a ride...and since your dad is our manager,it would be greatly appreciated if you came for me..." a sigh left your lips as you hang up on him.

But Jungkook didn't stop pestering you. The drummer of V2J was a pain in the ass. As shy and awkward he was in his sober times,his horndog behaviour was equalising if not surpassing his normal behaviour when he was thrashed.

You picked up the call one more time when the familiar ringtone went off. "Hey,why are you so rude,dollface? Don't you know hangin-" your words cut off his as soon as he was trying to do his monologue. "Jungkook. Like how you said it so cleverly,MY DAD is the manager. Not me. Pester him at 3 am if you have some difficulties to go home,not his daughter. Thank you. I have an exam in two days, i have to study tomorrow. Or today because at this point of the night i can't say tomorrow,so let me get the 2 hours of sleep i could still get tonight if i go to sleep in less than 10 minutes.. Leave me alone. Call Taehyung or something,i don't care. Now please don't call me again. Thanks." Then the tune of the "Hang Up" option resonated in your room once again.

Truth be told, if it would've been the first time he calls you and asks you for help at 3 in the morning,you would've helped his dumbass out,but it wasn't the case. Whenever Jungkook had some nightly problems, you were the first target in his contact list. It wasn't the first time he called you to pick him up from somewhere or to let him stay at your place for the night because he lost his keys to his appartment after a wild escapade with his bandmates to the nearest club. And it never ended with him only sleeping on your couch. It usually started at the front door and ended with him sleeping an arm around you after fucking your brains out. If he had been serious about this whole weird relationship you had, it would've been official for more than a year now,but he has to keep his rockstar persona intact. So of course,you were nothing more than the daughter of his manager who was good enough to be fucked when he was drunk or high.

At 3:36,someone rang at the interphone of your home. When you got up from your bed with a huff,you were already seeing the tatted up boy's smirk on the camera in a mental image. And you weren't wrong. His smirk was present as soon as the little screen had lit up with his face so close to it,you though he was a toddler seeing an interphone for the first time in his life. "You really came here at 3 and a half? Jeon,for fucks sake. If i get down there,i'mma beat some sense into you,so you better start running now." He simply laughed,a noise of exasperation leaving his throat. "Aw...come on (Y/n)...let me in,i lost my keys..."

You pushed on the key button,you let him in again. At this point it was exthausing because you knew what this meant. And even if you wanted to deny it,your brain wanted this to stop,but your heart was yearning for him. "I swear to god Jungkook,if you come here again at 3 am,i will stick a pipe up your ass." You unlocked the door for him and let him enter your home.

Fatal mistake because he didn't even answer,he simply pushed you against the wall and looked into your eyes,foreheads touching. "And why would you do that sweetheart? Hm? I thought you liked when i come here...for you." You can't deny it,you fell for him over the months,you fell for this idiot who liked banana milk more than anything else,who drank whisky with more cola than he should because he hated alcohol but wanted to keep his bad boy persona. But the smell of a woman on him made your heart sink. "Jungkook,please...just go and take of your shoes,i will bring you a blanket and a pillow so you can sleep on the couch."

He took your words in a hurtful way,his expression changed from flirty to genuinely hurt. "So...we aren't sleeping together like always?" You scoffed and got out of his grip. "I don't even know why i let you in. If you wanted to get your dick sucked again,you could've called one of your groupies." You disappeared in your room to search for a blanket and pillow,not that you deemed him deserving of such comfort,but he was also keen to be shivering at night without a blanket so it would be better for him to get some warmth during the dark hours. With a shaky breath,you went back to the living room and placed the pillow and comforter on the couch. "(Y/n)...what's the matter?" No answer. You didn't want to answer his question,he wasn't worthy for an answer,but his insistance was made clear when he took your hand into his and brought you closer to him. "Please...(Y/n)...answer me,i'm getting worried at this point,what's the matter?" Inhaling some fresh oxygen as the lump in your throat was only getting tighter,it finally dawned on you. You were in love with him. "Why'd you only call me when you're high?" The tears started to sting in your eyes,the drummer looked at you with a questioning expression. "High? What do you mean?" "Why'd you only call me and come here when your high?" After repeating your previous question,your voice cracked and all tears were let to flow down on your cheeks. "What? (Y/n) i really don't understand what you're talking about." "Why are you only showing interest in me when you're drunk and need to empty your balls. Is it more clear like that?" Jungkook's heart cracked at the sight of you crying because of him. He didn't want you to fall for him,not when he's at the peak of his career,but it would be a lie to say he didn't feel something for you.

"(Y/n)...come on,you know i can't be with someone. I thought that we both made this clear." His tattoed arms were still securely wrapped around you,stroking your back in the hopes of the action giving you some comfort,but as soon as you looked up to him with teary eyes,he couldn't help but let his waterworks flow too. Truth be told,Jungkook hated to see you sad,as awkward as the situation was right now,he hated seeing the one he fell for sad. "No,you made it clear for yourself. You're always acting nice with me,always closing any distance we had between us...no matter how hard i try to stay away from you,you suffocate me...if it was with hatred,it would be better,but it isn't. You're always here to fuck me up then rebuild me once you're sober. I fucking hate you for making me fall for you but i hate myself more for letting myself fall for you."

Your words were stinging. Even poisonous to his ears. Did you really hate him? And as much as it hurt him,it hurt you the same. You never really saw someone else in the hopes of being his one day,you won't blame it on him because you were the one in control of your own life,but every step you declined from someone else was to aliment the hope of being his one day. "I'm sorry...(Y/n)...i...i know you like me...but it won't work out. I do see you as more than just a friend with benefits,i do like you too...but...i can't be with you when i don't even know what tomorrow is made of." You tried to get out of his grip,but it only tightened and he brought your chin up with two fingers. "Listen,don't think i don't like you...if i didn't..you wouldn't be the first one i call to help me,fuck,i know i sound like an asshole for saying this but i do like you...i just..." he was getting ridiculous at this point and he knew it. "You just what? You don't want to miss out on someone else. I get it. You want your target list to be finished then crawl back to me when you're done."  "(Y/n) it's not like tha-" you finally got out of his grip. "No. Don't say anything. I get it. But i won't be a second choice to anyone. Let alone you. Good night." You quickly wiped your tears away and went to your room,closing the door behind yourself,leaving Jungkook alone,in the dark living room.

He was tossing and turning for more than an hour now. You could hear it from your room how he was walking up and down the hall. 'I really fucked up.' he thought to himself and he wasn't wrong. You were probably the only person who would really go to hell and back for him and you were the only person he would do the same for. Then why was he acting like an asshole towards you now? Now that he was sure of your feelings,why did he have to break everything he tried to build? It couldn't end like that.

He softly knocked on your door,even if you told him to go away,he opened the door and lied down next to you,taking your body in his arms,nuzzling his face into the skin of your neck. "I'm sorry..." his soft lips placed a kiss on your neck and hands grabbed yours. "Sorry for what? For at least telling me the truth?" "(Y/n)...it's not like that...i just don't want to fuck things up. I prefer to fuck it up now than once we're together. I...i do love you...i heard the bells and the fireworks as soon as i saw you...but i don't want to fuck this up. Simply because i know how fans are,how groupies are. I prefer you seeing my fuckboy image than the real me,as much as i hate it though." You turned around,facing him,still in his clutch. "Well too late dumbass,i fell for the awkward and nice you,the one i see during studio hours,during practice,not this...whole flirty fuckboy persona that i get to see at every thursday at 3 am." He inhaled then kissed your forehead,bringing you closer to him. "It's too late for me to ask you to be my girlfriend...right? I don't want things to end...and,if the only way for me to stay with you is to put that image aside,i'm willing to do it."  You sighed. He was still in the wrong. You didn't want him to change for you,but for him. To be himself again. "Jungkook,you don't understand...i want you to be you. I don't want you to rush into things because you don't want to lose me. Plus,you might not like a relationship,so if you don't want one right now,then leave me alone and don't make me fall for you more."

He shut you up before you could go on your monologue with a kiss. Not a rushed one like usually. But a soft one. One that tasted like cigarettes,monster,alcohol and love. "I love you...and starting a relationship now...or in 5 years...it won't change shit...no matter what i think now. I...after thinking about it...what you said...you're right. If i don't jump in right now...what will it change in 2 or 5 years? Nothing...i will still be the same if i don't change now." His frown turned into a small smile when he felt your nose in his neck,a light peck on his skin and your hands on his back. "So...you really want to start something with me...out of love and not out of pity?" He smacked the back of your head,out of habit but also out of outrage,he didn't want you to think he was doing this out of pity. "You dumbass,i want to be with you. I really want to. Out of love. Not because i pity you. You are probably the only person who would accept my headassery...and i love you. So please...don't ever think i would do this brcause of pity." You simply laughed,still sniffing a little bit and cupped his cheeks. "Good,because...i love you too." He kissed you first,again. Now with more passion though. His hands roaming around your back and ribcage,then on your waist,he couldn't help but pull you closer,until it couldn't be done anymore. "I know you do...now...shouldn't we sleep..? Because it's half past five...and you have to wake up at 10 so you can study..." You kissed his neck once more then placed your head on his chest. "It's already almost 6..might as well watch some cartoons and eat breakfast,no?" Jungkook's face lit up like a child's at the candy store. "Now i know why i heard the bells and the fireworks when i saw you."

I hope you guys enjoyed this,i kinda made it longer than most of my writings,but i still hope it's okay!

My requests are always open,so please,if you have something to request,i am more than happy to do it!

[hockeytrashgoblin]

Ice Cold ~Part 1

A/N: Very exciting new series! I’m pumped! Hope you guys like it! If not please be gentle with me I’m not doing great rn lmao Just kidding constructive criticism is always welcome. Enjoy!

"Alright (y/n) one more thing." the lady interviewing me said while closing my portfolio. "Welcome to the team."

"Really?" I said incredulously.

"Yes. You do amazing work and we would love to have you on our photography media team."

"Thank you so much! When do I start?"

"Well we're going to do some paperwork today, introduce you to your partner and get you cleared to go photograph the Maple Leafs game Saturday."

"Alright that sounds great!"

The day passed by in an excited blur. I did all the paperwork necessary and all the confidentiality requirements that go along with working for Roger's sports and media. I met a lot of people but the most memorable were my partner Amy and a journalist named Peter. Amy seemed like someone I would have a lot of fun with and Peter was just cute and kinda funny. I made sure to get their numbers before I started my walk to the subway to get back home. I put on my favourite podcast, Cult Liter by Spencer Henry, and started walking. I don't know if it was the podcast or just being in the middle of downtown Toronto but it felt like I was being watched. I shook it off and went into the underground to get home.

Two days later I was walking into the Scotiabank arena to meet Amy outside. I was so nervous but it was so exciting. My love of sports and my passion for photography coming together so perfectly. I found Amy pretty quickly, her green hair making her easy to spot.

"Hey!"

"Hi! You ready to go in?"

"Yes! I'm so excited! I love hockey but I've never been able to afford to go to a game so this is actually super cool."

"Yeah I'm not really into sports but I love photography. I'm excited for you though, that's gonna be so fun for you!" She said elbowing my side. "Do you like either of the teams playing?"

"I'm not a fan of Toronto to be honest. I like a lot of players though. I really like Montreal though so this should be fun!"

"Yeah that'll be cool! So just so you know, we're going to have to go through a lot of security and pat downs. It sucks but it is what it is."

We really did have to do a lot of security stuff. I was kind of surprised but at the same time not really. We were going to be going through close to the players and seeing them after the game. I kind of followed Amy's lead through everything.

We got to our place where we would take pictures and started setting up our equipment. As soon as the guys came out onto the ice I was so excited. I started snapping pictures of all the guys. I was mostly supposed to take pictures of Toronto but hey I'm not letting an opportunity to photograph the literal perfect man Max Domi go. I was taking pictures of Fredrik Andersen when he skated into frame. He was staring at me and I lowered the camera making eye contact with him. It was a weird moment, probably only a couple seconds, but it felt like forever. It was a little unsettling but I was so intrigued. I really loved him as a player and it was kinda cool that he acknowledged me. I got nervous though and looked away.

"That was weird." Amy said quietly.

"Okay good so I'm not the only one who thought that was strange?"

"No that was definitely weird. I've never seen Nylander do that before."

"Weird.." I looked back up and he was shaking his head laughing. "It's probably just because I'm new."

"Yeah that could be it."

We focused again on taking pictures throughout the game although I definitely started actually watching and cheering which Amy found hilarious. She ended up taking a picture of me when Montreal got a goal. There were a couple more awkward times where he just stared at me. One time he got a goal while never taking his eyes away from mine. I was definitely impressed but I always was with him so it wasn't exactly a surprise.

Toronto ended up winning unfortunately. 7-4. After the game was done Amy and I went to upload the pictures to a company hard drive as backup.

"We are going out drinking to celebrate your first day!"

"I'm hardly dressed for a club."

"Who cares everyone's gonna be drunk. I want to celebrate with you, get to know you better."

"Alright fine I'm down. Let's go!"

We went to a pretty lowkey bar that was close to the arena. We went up to the bar and sat down ordering two vodka cranberries. We just talked about what had brought us to where we were now. What happened in our lives. I really trusted her and I found myself thinking we were going to be best friends. 

"I don't mean to interrupt your story but uh, William is in here."

"Oh?"

"Yeah behind us, 3 o'clock." I turned slightly to look and found him already staring with a grin on his lips.

"God how long has he been looking at me?"

"Since they sat down about 5 minutes ago."

"Unbelievable." I said scoffing. "What's his problem?"

"Maybe he wants to know you?"

"Then why wouldn't he come over here and talk to me?"

"We could go talk to them?"

"Amy! As if my anxious brain would ever let me approach a group of hockey players if I'm not forced to for work."

"Well maybe you won't have to. He's coming over."

"Oh for fuck sake." I downed the rest of my drink as he sat down on my right. Amy got up and went I don't know where. I turned to look at him.

"Hello." He murmured, a glint of mischief in his eyes.

"Uh hi."

"What are you having?"

"Vodka cranberry."

"A baby drink." He turned to the bartender and signalled for two more to be brought over. 

"Yeah well." 

"I'm William."

"(Y/n)."

"You're new." It wasn't a question but I treated it like one.

"Yes today was my first day."

"How was it? I noticed you not cheering for us."

"It was good. I've never been to a game so it was fun as well as work. And yes you noticed right. Toronto is not my hockey team."

"Ouch you wound me."

"Want a bandaid?"

"Pfft no I think I'll manage." He said with a chuckle. "You're funny."

"Yes I am. Thank you for noticing." I said with a grin.

"I like your smile."

"Shut up that's not even my real smile." I laughed.

"Yeah but I got one right there and i like it too." He smiled then frowned looking behind me.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm afraid my friends don't like that I'm over here talking to you."

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to steal you from your friends."

"You didn't, it's not that, I promise. It's uh.. complicated."

"Complicated how?"

"We have this agreement."

"What kind of agreement?"

"Man you ask a lot of questions."

"I'm sorry." I said blushing immediately.

"Don't be. We have an agreement to not talk to girls when we go drinking."

"Oh how come?"

"We're the rookies. Doesn't really look good on us to be seen with women all the time."

"So they're mad that I'm talking to you?"

"They think I'm trying to sleep with you."

"Are you?"

"Not right this moment." He said with a wink making me laugh.

"Then what are you doing William?" I asked, still smiling at him, resting my head on my hand.

"Making a good first impression I hope. Starting to get to know you perhaps?"

"Why?"

"You're very interesting. Intriguing even. I want to know you."

"That's bold of you to assume. I'm pretty boring you know. Nothing special here."

"I don't agree at all." He said seriously, holding my gaze with warm eyes. "Hey do you maybe want to get out of here?"

"Nylander, I thought you weren't trying to fuck?"

"I'm not. I'm just sick of the glares." he said pointing back to his table. I looked back and locked eyes with an angry Auston Matthews.

"Brr. If looks could kill I'd probably be dead right now."

"Let's go." I must have looked unconvinced because he added, "I promise you'll leave me with your virtue intact."

"Pfft it's hardly intact. What about my friend though?"

"Check your phone, I heard it vibrate, it might've been her." I stared at him hard. "What?"

"You heard it vibrate? In my winter coat pocket?"

"Um maybe it was something else but I thought it was a phone. I have good hearing."

"Ooohkay." I said taking my phone out. "Well you were right. Amy met up with her boyfriend and is headed home."

"So will you come with me?"

"I guess so." I shrugged putting my coat back on. I jumped off the stool and waited for him. "Lead the way."

"You're smaller than I thought."

"Sorry..?"

"No no you've got nothing to apologize for. I'm just usually not off with my perceptions."

"You're a strange one William." I said as he opened the door for me and we stepped out into the frigid winter air.

"You could say that yes." He said with a smile. "Would you be alright to walk around for a little bit? I love when it snows. Something about the snow falling at night is so peaceful."

"Yeah that would be fun. I agree. I love walking in the snow at night time."

"Do you often walk around Toronto at night?"

"No not often. I'm too paranoid to do it much."

"That's probably a good idea. You never know what dangers lurk out here at night." 

"Crackheads." I said nodding solemnly, making his burst out laughing.

"That's not exactly what I meant but yes crackheads are not to be messed with."

"I'm more paranoid when no one is around. I think I hear things and I'm on red alert all the time. Sorry that's kinda weird."

"No, you're fine. I understand, although I'm much more nervous about people than I am the lack of them."

"How come?"

"People lie. People will pretend to like you. Learn your secrets and destroy you. It's very rare that I trust a person to get close to me at all."

"Do you trust me..?"

"Yes. You're different, I can tell. There's just something about you that makes me think you'd keep a secret to your dying breath."

"You're right about that. I'd never share something that wasn't mine to share unless someone was in immediate danger. Kinda like a therapist. Confidential until someone might die."

"That's a good way to be. No one likes a snitch." He said making me laugh.

"Dude aren't you cold?"

"No I'm fine."

"But you're just wearing that flimsy jacket. It can't be very warm."

"I promise you I am perfectly comfortable."

We walked around for a while longer talking about hockey mostly before we split ways to head home. As I was going down the steps to the subway I could've sworn I'd seen Auston glaring from across the road. I shook the thought, that would be crazy. I couldn't get past the feeling of being watched though so I made sure to lock up the windows and doors, even checking them twice before going to bed.

[imfirequeen]

*sits cutely* so who's elis and why's he such a comfort character

Good god this is about to be a roller coaster

Ima start with the second part my brain cannot register and when I asked Raine he said it’s a comment not a question? So I’ll just say thank

So *elis* uhhh tw warning for abuse death suicide mention

Elis is an oc I initially made to well die, Raine (gotta love how this guy keeps poppin up amiright? Lol) on the other hand, had different plans and got attached to the dumb fuck and asked me to not kill him off, so I sat on it and before I knew it man’s a comfort character.

Well, this idiot grew up violently abused by his mom and neglected from his father.

Around when this fucker turned 17 some guys thought it would be funny to rough you the weird kid bc why not? Yea well it got too aggressive and Elis ended up fighting to live, and to the un being known to the muggers, Eli’s has an ability to spawn many and any weapons. Which at the time he could not control and kinda just appeared when he was terrified. He ended up killing them. In the shock of it it’s like a switch clicked in his head, that he didn’t have to keep taking hits. He could make them stop for good. After sitting a good while with his good friend Joey (Raines oc) he got up and left, he killed his parents. He hates himself violently for everything he’s done but he’s decided if he’s gonna be alive, and of course u kill a murderer there’s still the same amount of murderers, so he made it his mission to kill as many bad people he could. He didn’t go on a whim, he always made sure there was proof these bastards were guilty. In this process he met Zoey who was pretending to be a victim to one of Eli’s’ targets (her target too) and, oh boy did she lOVE to abuse his emotions, putting nooses around his neck and yanking him around. She always got her way with him and convinced him they were in the same side!!! He believed her. He thought she was the same as him, wanted to make sure no one would get hurt and be broken, like him, like her he thought! Didn’t even realize the emotional and physical abuse she was putting him through bc of how well she convinced him she’s on his side or it’s “fun.” Well while dealing with that Elis finally found karmin, karmin was a victim to one of Elis’ targets tho, when Elis got there it wasn’t what he expected. The target was already dead?! Yep karmin managed to kill a guy in self defense. Elis could tell karmin wasn’t doing too hot, and that he wasn’t like him or Zoey. He took karmin home hiding him from Zoey and started taking care of him, almost abandoned him at one point too, but couldn’t do it he’s too fragile after all. Well, Zoey knew where Elis lived of course and she was not happy to meet karmin. After all who the fuck was this to be playing with her toy?! She wasn’t having none of it and this was the day Elis finally saw zoeys true colors as he walked in on her trying to slam karmins face into a hot stove iron. He kicked her out even tho she tried to play innocent but Elis knew this wouldn’t be the end of her. He got involved with the police. 1940s ish (with extra bs bc brr funnie) cops aren’t what we have today so easy to get kinda sketchy Elis managed to make a deal with the cops to work for them with a pardon if he took down Zoey, bc she was pretty bad ngl. Ofc the cops thought he’d die in the process and ignored most of anything he was giving them on her. He ended up disappearing and the cops didn’t fucking notice but you know who did? And who ran in there screaming? Karmin. Karmin found a superior that gave a damn to help him and in the search they found Elis, burried alive! A moment longer he would have been dead. Elis Thought he was a lost cause so as a good bye, a last ily, had carved a k into his palm, (which is still there!) well Elis eventually got Zoey and had her put in a special unit, and changed stations. Now he has a new mix of people that either tolerate him or hate him! Oh did I mention he’s super flirty as a coping mechanism? Bc he is, but of course, Zoey broke free and now he has to constantly watch his back~

[littleroma]

This has been a horrible week

This week has not been a pleasant week for me or my family this week. Remember two years ago, when my Granny Eileen passed away and my uncle James passed away after a brain tumour was found after a bad car accident? My cousin Niamh had been complaining of headaches, so her parents took her to see the doctor and the doctor sent her to an optician, who sent her straight down to the hospital last Monday for an MRI. It was discovered that she has a brain tumour, and because we all watched my uncle James die of the same thing, you can tell where everyone’s head has gone.

Mum and Dad knew that Niamh had been in for an MRI and they knew what had been found last Monday, but decided not to tell me, because my moods are all over the place after an infusion. Niamh was going for an operation today and while I know that she has woken up and is in the hospital, we might not hear anything for another while.

I normally hate to make these things all about me, because I’m not the most important one, not by a long shot. I’ve noticed that whenever I get monumental news, particularly bad I seem to shut down in front of other people. It’s only once I’m in private and in bed alone at night that I begin to cry. Otherwise I can sort of act numb and detached while I’m trying to work out how to feel about whatever it is that I’ve heard. I couldn’t even cry at my Granny Eileen’s funeral or my Uncle/Godfather James’ funeral. I’m not sure what that says about me as a person.

But even years ago when I was told that I would need a second halo operation, I would been about fifteen or sixteen years ago, I was about nine or ten, I shut down. Until I went to bed that night and I just couldn’t hold my emotions in much longer. I think I had worried Mum and Dad because I wasn’t reacting to the news that I would have to get my fourth operation (I have now had five operations). I suppose because I wanted to have a chance to process the news that it looked like I would be starting at big school with a gigantic metal contraption around my head.

More irritating but we were getting someone in to look at the boiler on Wednesday before I got up. But the guy had to turn the whole thing off while I was still in bed, so I was frozen in bed. I couldn’t even get a shower. You have to turn on the central heating to get hot water, which is a pain in the summer. I put on long pyjama pants (I wear shorts in bed) and sat in the kitchen until the heat was back on so I could take a shower.

I was sitting in there talking with the carer and Mum when the guy said it was turned back on but we wanted to let the house warm up a bit before I started stripping. Turns out when had waited too long because in the time it took for me to take my clothes off and get in the shower and start washing my face, the water went ice cold. So picture me sitting in the shower seat completely naked with a white face mask on. At least I wasn’t using one of the thick green ones, that hurt if you leave them on too long!

I was sitting in the shower seat talking to the carer for about an hour with only a towel and dressing gown preserving my modesty. It was the slowest fast shower I’ve ever taken, because when the water finally heated up again we went so fast through the shower. Brr cold!

I had a bad head cold at the weekend and I’m still sort of fighting it off. My nose doesn’t feel as heavy anymore but I’m still coughing like I’ve had a 40 a day habit. I’m sure my brother was touched when I came up to the kitchen for dinner on Friday, because it was his 20th birthday, looking like warmed over dog shit.

I’m going to sign off before I start crying again, hopefully this week will be a bit kinder. In any case, it’s the two years mark next week.