#Guess I was bored? I usually don't bc I don't talk about myself

[goose-duck]

🥧 Class Trip 🥧

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Maxley?? Fanfic oneshot thingy, idk, I'm sick and felt inspired. I say "maxley??" Bc it's Max and Bradley for sure but I dunno if it'll come off as romantic or not I actually have no idea what I'm writing...why am doing this when I'm sick? Oh well, enjoy ✨

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Our class is going on a trip today, I can't tell if I'm excited or not. We're going to a museum which isn't particularly entertaining...especially given its the one I'm employed at, but anything's better than class I suppose? I don't know why the professor decided to take us on a trip, he's usually so...uh...how do I describe him? Lame? Boring? Old? Decrepit? I should stop...before my inside thoughts become outside thoughts...though im sure everyone else is thinking the same thing. Maybe it's because it's the end of the year and he just kinda gave up? I don't know...why am I even still thinking about this?

I'm sitting where I usually sit with Bobby and PJ. We're waiting for the rest of the class...or at least most of the class, to show up so we can leave. Bobby and PJ are talking but I'm not overly interested. I started being friends with Bradley a few weeks ago...its been good...but it started off really weird. We don't talk much but there's less animosity between us now and we occasionally make light conversation. Bradley also sits with us now so that's cool I guess?? He's on the other side of me, my left side, the side of my dominant hand. Makes it difficult to write sometimes because we'll bump elbows. He's also here, he was here before everyone else, as always.

I lay my head on the table and look at him, admiring his sharp jawline and beautiful blue eyes...what..? Nevermind, he's got a nice face, it's not weird at all to think that. Right? Right! I'm not...uh...feeling things...at all. Totally normal thoughts and feelings here. I look down at the desk, silently judging myself before looking up at him again, meeting his eyes. Bradley's giving me a strange look, probably because I have my head on the table after having been so excited a few minutes ago. I'm just bored of waiting for the rest of the class. He gives me a soft smirk before rolling his eyes and going on his phone. I just continue with what I was doing.

I finally decide to say something, I say it every morning to him, "good morning, Brad." I say. He normal says good morning back but today he just looked at me before pulling out a bag of cough drops and popping one in his mouth. Ah, his throat must be sore. "You sick, Brad?" I question. He nods at me. I giggle a little, our professor's name is also Brad, it's funny, kinda.

Eventually most of the class shows up and we all start on our way to the museum. It's close enough to walk to but we have to walk down a steep hill which we all know will be miserable on the walk back up. It's a hot sunny day, 25°c, and it's only the morning. Bobby and PJ and ahead of me and Bradley by a little bit on our walk. I think Bradley is walking slower than usual because he's sick, he'd normally be out walking me and I'd have to run after him. On the walk down me and him share a few words and joke around a bit. We come to a crosswalk and a few people jaywalk instead of using the crosswalk, not a big deal but Bobby makes a joke about it being illegal before soon following suit and also not using the crosswalk.

A little further on our walk and we're on a flat spot before the next hill we have to go down. Somehow me and Bradley ended up in front of Bobby and PJ, I guess we were walking quicker than I thought. Bobby walks up to Bradley holding out a $10 bill, "Hey, Brad?" He says laughing a little. "What, Bobby?" Bradley responds, his voice sounding hoarse from his cold. "I'll give you $10 to carry me the rest of the way." Bobby suggest, holding the bill more out to Bradley. Bradley laughs, taking the money and stops walking to Bobby can get on his back. Me and PJ stop walking too to watch this. Bobby hops up on Bradley's back and Bradley let's out a huff, walking a little ways before dropping Bobby and giving him his money back. "You're heavier than you look!" Bradley says sounding a little more tired than before, "how much do you weigh!?" He quickly adds on. Bobby tells him he doesn't keep track then retorts my asking Bradley how much he weights. Apparently Bradley weighs 220 lbs...double the amount I weigh, literally, I weigh 120. Bradley then says, "fuck, you're probably heavier than I am, Bobby, no wonder you're so hard to carry!" Bobby gets offended but doesn't deny it. I laugh a little, as we all continue walking.

Eventually we get to the museum, it's a historical museum full of old artifacts from the native people of the area. I got my job here three years ago, I got in on account of being indigenous myself. They wanted indigenous people to work here with these artifacts rather than the people who colonized our land. Fair enough, and it got me a job that pays more than minimum wage, so, win for me.

When we get inside my boss introduces herself and tells us all what we'll be doing. A scavenger hunt. I already know where everything is as I helped set it up, but I don't say anything, I'll be the secret weapon to whoever decides to work with me as we're told to get into teams of two. Bobby and PJ group up and so does everyone else, leaving me and Bradley, which I'm not opposed to. My boss gives everyone their clipboards giving me a look when she got to me and Bradley. "Why'd she look at you like that?" Bradley inquires. I giggle a little, signalling him to come a little closer so I can whisper to him, "I work here." I whisper into his ear. He gives a look, "ah, how convenient, so we'll get this done in no time?" I give him a snide look, "nope, if you were a cute girl maybe I would have, but you're Bradley Uppercrust iii, I'm sure you can do this without my help." I joke, making it clear I'm not letting him use me as an advantage. Bradley sighs, rolls his eyes, then gets started on the scavenger hunt.

While Bradley does the scavenger hunt I go find some of my coworkers and chat with them. Mostly just talking about how school's been for everyone. Some found university easy, others said it was miserable, one said she didn't have the money to continue. I felt bad for her, but there's not much I can do right now. Bradley gives the clip board with the scavenger hunt sheet to our teacher, Mr. Bradley, then walks over to our group to join in on the conversation until we get told we have to go back to campus.

About an hour later Mr. Bradley calls us all to meet at the front of the building, telling us it's time to go back now. A student asks who got done the hunt first, Mr. Bradley says it was Bradley. Huh, looks like he didn't need my help after all. Good for him. A few students groan and glare at Bradley but I give him a high five. "Good job, dude! Told ya you didn't need my help!" Bradley smiles at me in response to that, ruffling my hair and giving me a thumbs up. His throat must be hurting again, poor guy. Being sick is miserable. Sick on a trip where you have to walk everywhere? Even worse.

The first part of the walk back is fine, but it's definitely a lot hotter out now. I have Bradley check his phone, it's 31°c. Holy fuck...we're gonna die on the big hill just before the school.

Once we get to that hill Bradley gives me a worried look putting his hand on my back. I'd been breathing quite heavily, I didn't find it strange, I'm used to it, it's always like this for me, anemia kicking my ass at all times of the day. I look pale and I'm sweaty and can barely think, but I know I just have to make it back to class and sit down and get a drink. Bradley doesn't seem to think I'll make it though as I stumble around the sidewalk almost falling a few times. Bradley's hold on my tightens a bit when I almost fall into an oncoming vehicle. "You sound like you're dying.." Bradley says saying stressed. I laugh before coughing a little, finding it humourous that he's sick yet I'm the one having such a hard time. Bradley offers to carry me the rest of the way but I'm too prideful to let him, telling him I can make it on my own.

Once we get to the top of the hill there's a bunch of little kids and a few adults, I recognize them from the nearby daycare center. They're adorable, this one in a pink bucket hat waves at me and Bradley so I wave back. Bradley also gives the child a small wave before pulling me along so we actually make it to the school rather than me just being distracted with the adorable children. I'd never want kids of my own, but if a friend of mine had kid's I wouldn't mind babysitting for them.

Once we get into the foyer of the school Bradley quickly tries to pull me over to a vending machine and buy me a bottle of water. While he's doing that one of my friends walk by and asks what me and Bradley were up to, point out how we both look a mess. I can't get my words out because I'm still breathing heavily from the walk so I just wave and give a thumbs up. I'm sure that'll be a satisfactory answer, right?

Bradley comes back over to me with the bottle of water, opening it for me and shoving it up to my mouth. I guess he doesn't trust me to do it myself...do I really look like I'm in that bad of shape right now? Maybe I should just take the water. I drink the water Bradley is holding up to my mouth until I swat his hand away a little so I don't drown. He pulls the bottle of water away from my lips, allowing me to breathe and screwing the lid back onto the bottle. He then hands me the water and puts a hand on my back before pushing me along back to the lecture hall so we can sit down. I give him a nod as a thanks and he smiles and nods back.

[paris-geller-was-straightwashed]

M*A*S*H 4077 & DND

guess who started their m*a*s*h rewatch around the same time they've gotten into d&d and now cannot stop thinking about the utter chaos and hyjinks of The Gang trying to play a campaign. it starts with none of them really super into fantasy roleplay, but they're all So Fucking Bored they might as well play to have something to do.

it started off imaging just what role they'd each play, but now I couldn't stop myself from imaging each person's race, class, AND, just for fun, the dice they'd use!

hawkeye: isn't that bothered about races, probably either an elf or just a human. class is paladin, relating the paladin's 'call for good' something like the oath doctors take to always help and heal patients, no matter what (and, let's be honest, probably feeds into his egotistical nature at being a naturally skilled surgeon, as if he was 'called'). cannot be Asked to care about ability scores (only to deeply regret it when he's nearly off'd the first battle) except for pouring most of his points into charisma. mostly likely of the party to Fuck his way out of a confrontation (no matter the other's gender #bihawkrights). spends most of the campaign messing around and forgetting what his spells are, but when the party hits a serious battle, is the first to throw himself in and use any spells to help his friends before himself. originally wasn't that interested in the game, but overtime becomes one of the ones who gets really into it, screaming across the board at ppl's bad roles and cheering & trying to pick ppl up in glee when they win. dice of choice:

(just the most wack-ass coloured dice I could find, metaphor for the inside of his brain (also this way he can tell if anyone tries to conceal any as theirs)).

radar: while interested in the fantasy stuff (being a comic reader), was a little intimidated with all the math & rules involved until hawkeye and bj convince him. part of me thinks he could be a halfling or dwarf, but then I think he might enjoy being a humanoid creature like a minotaur (farm boy) or a satyr bc of his love of animals. class is bard, where he carries/plays the drum. enjoys and gets really into the story, but is always flummoxed when it comes to the battles, asking what everyone else thinks his character should do (only for everyone to yell back several different answers). always needs a couple of seconds of mental math to add his modifier to dice rolls (me too radar) but when the party comes across a riddle or puzzle, is usually the first to figure it out. keeps trying to pick up small creatures to put them in his sack. is not allowed to talk while people make their roles bc of too many times where he's predicted the number before they can read the dice (the moment of hawkeye's saving role during a Big Bad battle was kind of ruined when radar elatedly jumped up at the nat20 before the dice even left hawk's hand). dice of choice:

(cute little puppers!)

margaret: at first is staunchly against it, calling it childs' play, but eventually is worn down by hawk & bj and is also so bored, she gives in. thought she might be an elf, but in the end chooses genasi, picking fire power. chooses the fighter class, leaving hawkeye to make a remark that gets a dice thrown at his head. doesn't really get super into the meta of the game or the story (often tells the dm to get on with it and cut to the action) but does love to play, where it overtime becomes a good outlet for anger ('the demon tries to approach you, margaret what do you-' 'I SLICE OFF HIS KNEECAPS WITH MY BATTLEAXE!'). is a good player until the roles don't go her way ('you only rolled a 10, so your attack doesn't hit-' 'SCREW YOU! KLINGER GIVE ME YOUR 18 ROLE!'). is pretending like she isn't having fun but everyone can see through her. dice of choice:

(these seemed the most like margaret, elegant but not too girly).

henry: is also peer-pressured into joining. picks barbarian class so he doesn't have to think about spells. tries to pick human bc all the other races were 'too complicated' but got told due to his class, he has to pick a more built character like an orc, so an orc he ends up being. but he's bad at it, often either trying to escape a battle or by being a peacemaker, trying to persuade the monster out of battle but with such a low charisma score, it usually ends up with him getting clonked over the head and margaret jumping in before he's killed. keeps trying to give his gold to poor peasants they meet along the way. doesn't understand any of the mechanics. rolls so many nat1's that nobody will switch dice with him anymore, thinking his are cursed. the game is often more stressful for him then not, but he enjoys the time with his friends. dice of choice:

(I dunno, for some reason when I think of henry I think of a dark orange/amber).

potter: prolongs joining, thinking he's too old for it, but is also peer-pressured and eventually caves, thinking it'll be good for morale. chooses dwarf and for his class to be an old wizard. doesn't understand half the rules, spends most of the time muttering under his breath as he goes over the manual, radar (un)helpfully leaning in beside him to explain. but once he gets the hang of it is a good team member; is the only other person besides margaret to take the hints and puzzles seriously and without him (+her) the party would probably be making circles lost in some boundless woods somewhere. cheers his teammates on when they make a high roll or powerful move and only occasionally has outbursts ('well colonial sir, you need a 16 or higher to cast-' 'MULE FRITTERS! I said cast magic missile and that's an order!!!"). dice of choice:

(same thing - when I think of potter, I think a dark blue).

charles: the last of the group to get into it. completely refused and repeated that 'he was far too smart for that kids' stuff' and everyone was wasting their time. but when someone had to dip out of the campaign last minute to deal with a medical thing, charles was brought in as filler with the promise of a day's R&R. at first I thought high elf, but switched to dragonborne, of the noble variety of course. chooses sorcerer (blessed with some innate magic, as his ego prefers). constantly complains about the needless complexity of the rules and why bother having ability scores when it's the modifier that counts???? is always arguing with the dm on his rolls. uses up half of his turns to use mage hand to steal hawkeye's things or cast ray of sickness on him when he's being annoying - but, when it comes down to it, is one of the more strategic players and has gotten them out of many sticky situations. like margaret, is pretending he isn't having fun, but isn't immune to jumping up with the others over a saving nat20 role, at one time even excitedly picking up a confused radar. in the end, swallows his pride to shyly ask if he can join the party finally ('you know, it'll, uh..it will give me something to do during those boring intervals, and clearly this group needs all the brains it can get..' '..charles, you wanna come play with us?' 'well, if I must..'). dice of choice:

(the snootiest of dice, a pure gold colour).

mulcahy: also initially intimidated by the mechanics, but is happy to play a game with his friends. a possible half-elf or maybe a wise owlin. cleric, obviously. gets invested in the storyline, often applauding the dm's story or asking 'what happens next???" only to be told to wait till the next meet. one of the few who has actual healing spells and probably the only reason everyone didn't die in their first battle. a nerd who enjoys solving the puzzles. actually gets into the lore and one time had a deep, 2 hr conversation with radar & hawkeye about the disenfranchisement of some of the races and the hierarchy of the class/rule structure within the fantasy realm, and how it relates to theirs. the next day, radar came to his tent to show him a little sketch he did of his character in cleric robes, shrugging it off, but mulcahy loved it so much he pinned it up on his tent walls. dice of choice:

(inspired by one of my favourite mulcahy lines, when he's talking about missing holding services in real churches - 'I am rather fond of stained glass', which I always think of whenever I see stained windows. tried to pick the ones that emulated the colours best (also would've liked maybe a light, forest green colour; it just feels mulcahy-esque to me).

klinger: one of the first to join bc what else what he gunna do but sit in his tent, sewing up pantyhose? rogue class, of course, relating to the 'urchin' background. changeling race, so that way with his class he can hide at any moment, and also, as he says, 'can perfectly match his outfit no matter what he looks like!' tries to follow the storyline but doesn't have the attention span for it, half the time guessing the wrong answer to any clue or puzzle (will come and poke the dm awake in the middle of the night with his patrol gun, claiming to have figured it out). second after hawkeye to try and Fuck his way out of a situation. cannot do math to save his life, making margaret often rip his dice away from him to add it herself. will gang up with hawkeye to use his pickpocket skill on charles. resourceful enough to have tricked the villains multiple times and gotten away with it but will also roll to try and kick the villain in the nuts to see what happens. dice of choice:

(these just screamed klinger to me; I like the dark, 'masculine' colour contrasted with with the colourful flowers).

bj: thought I missed him? well, I saved the best for last bc bj...is the dm! ha ha! no one really in particular stood out, but after thinking on it, he seems like the best fit. first, I was thinking of the episode 'the kids' where he gets really into the story he's telling, full of voices and sound affects and all. and secondly, our kindly mustacheo'd doctor loves Mind Games and pranks - what better way then stringing his friends along into one big, zigzag puzzle? bj loves nothing more then having his friends on the edge of their seats, only to pull out a bad guy the group thought they got rid of months ago, glee in his eyes watching them combust into screaming and table flipping. getting a thrill during off hours, hearing hawkeye & charles hastily whisper across bunks to each other on the campaign thinking he can't hear them, or getting shaken awake by margaret in the middle of the night, demanding answers. he spends hours planning out the campaigns in the tent (and finding new places to hide his papers from hawkeye), sometimes writing peg about it and occasionally - if the timing of the mail is right - using her suggestions she writes back. but mostly, bj just loves watching his friends have a good time - cheering each other on and hollering with each battle won, feeling proud of them for everything accomplished (when he doesn't have to babysit hawkeye & charles from casting spells on each other, trying to answer radar's 49th question on how rolls work, or keep margaret from solo fighting the demon fifteen levels above her). dice of choice:

(idk, these just feel 'bj hunnicutt' to me).

other camp members: - frank: was only let in Once after margaret begged hawk & bj, saying it was only fair. initially picked human bc 'they're clearly the purest and most civilized race!!' (causing eyerolls), quit thirty minutes in after being told he couldn't be a fighter 'cause they already had margaret and that he couldn't just 'set all his abilities to 20', calling them all nerds and angrily throwing a d20, only for it to bounce back on the tent beam and hit him in the eye. - some of the nurses have occasionally filled in, but otherwise don't play outside of margaret (most of their time was filled up with hawkeye using his character to flirt with theirs). one time nurse kellye filled in; she played a cute little halfling druid, and her and radar teamed up to help rescue all the forest animals, much to the groups chagrin. - zale & igor: permanently banned. both tried to eat the dice on a dare.

campaigns are held twice a month in the swamp, with drinks and stale pretzels to go around. use to sometimes go all night but after one too many nights of clambering arguments over each other's rolls, the whole camp banded together to force a curfew. while the game only exists within the swamp's quarters, they'll once and a while jokingly call each other by their character's names (and if you're margaret, one time accidentally using it to call hawkeye to surgery, which he now never lets her live down). during the last campaign of the story, radar pulls out another drawing he did - this time of everyone's characters, standing valiantly over the dragon they slayed. it now has a place of honour hung in the swamp.

[ardenrabbit]

your work is all so amazing!! do you have any advice for writers who maybe want to start writing longer fanfictions?

Ahh!! Fhhfkf thank you!!! ;^; I don't know how useful or coherent my advice might be, but here's what's helped me in the past:

1. Know what kind of writer you are. If you work better by starting with a structured outline, do that, but make sure to actually start WRITING the scenes after that lol. If you get more momentum by diving in and just seeing where the story goes, do that, but make sure you have a DIRECTION to go in. A healthy balance of planning and discover-as-you-go is the most fun in my experience. (I usually start by improvising and having fun with a concept and then gradually cornering myself into planning lol. By then, planning isn't a chore; it's just satisfying to see everything fall together.)

2. Don't force an idea to be a long fic if it doesn't need to be. If you feel like your concept would be better served by a short fic, do it justice by not stretching it into a shape it doesn't need.

3. If your concept is bigger and does need a long fic format, make sure you know what threads you're weaving together. Write an actual list of themes, subplots, and character arcs and keep track of them, and figure out how you want to pace them in relation to one another.

4. Have resources prepped! Name banks for minor characters; notes/links to articles on the time period/environment/culture you're writing about; pictures that inspire you; songs that hype you up for your story or the characters... Mostly, if you don't like doing research, START LIKING IT. Find joy in researching the symptoms of hypovolemic shock and the native flora of Northern China. Look up multiple sources for each little topic. (I just keep a messy list of links and notes in the bottom of my docs lol)

5. If you get stuck or bored, revisit the source material. Watching/reading the original story can remind you why you got so excited to write fic about it and refresh your ideas.

6. If you're bored while writing a scene, it's probably boring to read. Don't turn writing into a chore. Think about what needs to happen in a scene and why it matters, find what you care about in it, and follow that. If it starts feeling like you don't need a scene and that you were just using it to fill in time, cut it.

7. My favorite thing: don't be afraid to write out of order. Write little blurbs or pieces of dialogue for chapters way ahead, if you have something in mind! Give yourself a goal to catch up to. It'll help you get the big picture of your whole fic and then fill in the scenes you need to get there.

8. Don't let people tell you what to write!! This goes both ways: if people say "it should've gone like [thing you don't wanna do]," tell them to shush and write their own shit. If they say "it would be so cool if [thing you were already planning] happened," do it anyway! You don't have to change just for the element of surprise. Don't twist the story out of place just because someone guessed your awesome idea. Everyone will be happier for it.

9. Don't settle for your first draft if it doesn't feel right. If you're working on a scene and it doesn't fulfill what you need, restart it from as many angles as necessary until you're happy. Seriously, building off a scene you don't like will make you feel dissatisfied and poison everything to follow.

10. Talk about your fic with people who hype you up about it. If you're not used to writing long stories, do what you need to keep you motivated and EXCITED about it. If asking someone to beta read helps you, do it! (I almost never ask for beta readers bc I'm a control freak, but honestly they can be so helpful.)

11. The forbidden tip: if you lose interest halfway through, it's okay to drop it. Do what makes you happy. You don't owe anyone anything and you're doing this for free. Try to finish it though lol, it's so satisfying to see a work complete. Do it for the dopamine at the end.

Disclaimer: I write long fics 1) because I like to soak in them and savor them and 2) because I don't know how to shut up and write short ones lol. I deeply admire people with the skill to just say what they need to say and wrap up a story neatly.

Also, I don't follow my own advice. Plenty of my scenes have fluff that I could have cut but didn't because Mark Twain is dead and can't tell me what to do lmao

I hope this had something helpful in it 😅 Good luck! 💖💖💖

[mystic-myrtille]

94 for Lukanette.

This was so much fun! (putting this under cut bc this got longer than planned)

#94: A “how about we ruin this friendship?” kiss

Juleka poured some hot mint tea in the two cups on the kitchen counter.

„You look more pathetic than usual, bro,“ she commented. „Clearly something happened yesterday that is messing with your head and, as your sister, it is my duty to help you go through your crisis. So, spill.“

Luka fidgeted nervously with the guitar pick he had worn as a necklace for years now. Normally holding it in his hand helped him to think more clearly and relax, but now, it just made him even more anxious. Probably because the person who gave it to him was also the reason for his, as his sister called it, crisis.

„I... I... god, I'm an idiot.“ He laid his head on the counter and sighed.

„That's old news,“ Juleka smiled.

„Screw you, you're not being helpful.“

„How can I if I still don't know what your fucking problem is?“, Juleka sounded annoyed.

Luka sighed again. „Fair point.“

If Juleka had any snarky comment, she decided to keep it to herself and just gave him the cup , who lifted his head, examined the tea and then took a sip.

„Ok, so,“ he began, „yesterday at our album release celebration, after you and Rose went to the store to grab more snacks, Ivan took off to pick up Mylene from her activist group meeting, leaving me and Marinette alone on the upper deck.“

He could feel his heart beat getting faster.

„And... well, we shared a bean bag, cuddled up next to each other, and shared the last remaining cupcake.“

Juleka raised her eye brows, but remained silent.

„And then... well...“

He looked away, still fumbling with the pick.

And?“, Juleka leaned forward.

„ … She had some frosting at the corner of her mouth and I just wanted to wipe it away and...“

The fumbling got worse.

He swalloed. „Everything happened so fast. Or... not really, we just kept staring at each other for what felt like an eternity and then... then I...“

The pick hit the floor as he hid his face in his hands.

„I kissed her.“

The silence that followed after this confession was suffocating. Luka rubbed his face, blushing furiously as the memory of their faces being so close to each other came back, his fingers lingering on her lower lip, the intense staring, him leaning in as his hand cupped her cheek and he asked herself what kind of magical chapstick Marinette must use that made her lips so incredibly soft-

STOP.

He dared to take a peak at Juleka, who... looked a little underwhelmed. Bored, even. As if Luka had told her about how he had done the laundry or something equally mundane and unexciting.

„You guys kissed?“, she asked for clarification. Luka nodded slowly, then a hint of a smile appeared on her face.

„Are you kidding me right now?", Luka asked irritated. His sister just looked back to him, unphased.

"This isn't a joke, Marinette is my best friend. Has been for the last couple years, and now I kissed her, which probably endangdered our friendship and you're just... what are you even talking about? Did you make a bet with the others or what is going on?“

Juleka lifted her hands in defense. „Bro, honestly you should've done that sooner, then I would've gotten fifty euros instead. You're the one ruining my chances of getting rich, so stop whining. Also, what do you mean 'endangered your friendship?'“

Luka looked at her dumbfounded. „You can cosider yourself lucky that I don't have the energy to get into the money thing right now, but... Marinette is my best friend. And best friends don't just kiss like that? Since I knew her, she had never shown any sign that she liked me as anything else.“

„Luka-“

„She first dated Adrien forever, and after their break-up nothing between us had changed, either.“

„Luka-“

„And now I pushed myself onto her in a moment of... weakness, I guess? I don't know, but I kissed her without even asking first. That's so wrong on so many levels and now-“

„First of all, I need you to chill the fuck out,“ she said, „and second of all, how are you so sure the friendship is ruined or whatever? Did she reject you afterwards?“

Luka bit his lips. „I... I don't know? I mean, after we... well, you guys suddenly showed up and we couldn't talk about it with the whole group also being there, obviously. So we sat there for ten minutes while you guys were talking about god knows what and she completely avoided looking at me! And the when she left, she rejected my offer to accompany her home, which she had never done before! So clearly she's uncomfortable around me now and probably doesn't want anything to do with me any longer.“

He sighed.

„I mean, she knows how I feel. I told her back then, when I got akumatized the first time, while also making clear that I don't ask for her to return those feelings, so it never was a problem. I never wanted to pressure her into anything she didn't want and... now I did just that.“

Luka buried his face in his hands again. This was a nightmare.

He felt two hands on his shoulder, gently massaging him.

„Luka,“ Juleka's voice became soft again. „I think you're being too hard on yourself. If Marinette didn't want to kiss you, she would've slapped you. And her going home alone could also be because she was just as flustered as you and just was too awkward to talk about it with you. You know how she gets overwhelmed like that sometimes.“ She ruffled his hair. „So don't beat yourself up over it, 'kay?"

„What am I supposed to do?“, he asked, sounding absolutely devastated.

Juleka patted his back. „Talk to her, obviously. Figure out what you both want. I don't think Marinette would throw away your friendship just like that. Besides, you can't know if her feelings didn't change and she just didn't say anything until now.“

Juleka shrugged. „To be fair, we sort of suspected such a thing might happen sooner or later. I don't know, you guys always seemed very couple-y with each other, so I wasn't surprised when you told me about the kiss. I always thought it was just a matter of time.“

The "Hm" sound Luka made didn't sound convinced at all. He looked down to the floor where the pick laid.

"I don't know. How are you so sure of this?"

Juleka raised an eye brow. „Luka, we all have eyes. But if you don't want to believe me, stop being a coward...“ she picked up the necklace from the ground and put it in his hands, „and ask Marinette yourself.“

He pressed a quick kiss to his sister's forehead, while she gave him an encouraging pat on the shoulder. „Go get her, tiger.“

As he was about to sprint out of the kitchen, he suddenly came to a halt in front of the door, barely avoiding a collision with...

„Marinette?“

The unexpected visitor returned Luka's surprised gaze for a few seconds.

„Uh... hey, Luka. Hey, Juleka,“ she said and managed a smile.

„Speak of the devil,“ Juleka mumbled bemused and walked past Marinette. „I just remembered, I have some business to attend to. You two have fun.“

With that, she disappeared. Marinette looked after her, then turned around to stare at Luka again, and it felt like the night they were sitting together on the bean bag all over again.

„Hey,“ Marinette said again.

Luka smiled. „Hey.“

„Can, uh... can we talk?“

Luka felt his heart beating, loud and erratic, in his chest. Whether out of excitement of seeing her or out of anxiety for what she might say next, he wasn't sure. He simply gestured to one of the seats, inviting her to sit down, which she did. Luka sat down next to her.

For a moment, neither of the two said anything and never before had silence felt so unfomcortable and awkward than in this moment, despite the fact that it was between two best friends who were always comfortable around each other. And Luka absolutely hated that he felt that way. So when he could no longer stand the silence, he worked up the coursage to take the first step.

„I'm sorry for kissing you last night. I don't know why I did that, I just... I guess there was... um... I don't know, I feel awkward and... I'm so sorry. For ruining our friendship like that.“

He looked away. „I just pushed myself onto you and that wasn't right. I understand if you don't want to hang around me anymore, just... I want you to know that I never meant for that to happen and I'm terribly sorry.“

Marinette bit her lips. She stared at the half empty tea cup Juleka had left behind, and the fact that she didn't look at him made him even more nervous of what was to come.

„Luka,“ she began carefully, „First of all, you didn't push yourself onto me, I, uhm... I mean I leaned in as well and, uh...“

She took a deep breath. „The truth is, I...“

He closed his eyes to brace himself.

„I honestly wish you were a little less sorry.“

His eyes flew wide open.

„Huh?“

Marinette turned to look at him directly.

Marinette turned to look at him directly.

„I know we've been best friends since forever and I deeply cherish this friendship, I really do. You've been there for me everytime I needed a shoulder to cry on, we celebrated milestones together, we spent so much time together and I enjoyed every second of it. And over time... well... I guess I sort of... I though... God, I should've written this down before coming here.“

Luka gave her an encouraging smile. „Ah, no , you're doing fine. I'm just as much at a loss of words here, so please take your time. “

She smiled. „You're always so patient with me. I like that,“ she said and the way she smiled at him made his stomach turn in the most pleasant ways.

„So yeah, over time, something changed. About the way I see you. The way I... feel... about you.“

Luka didn't dare to breathe.

„I didn't really understand at first what it was that I felt. Until we kissed last night...“

She adverted her gaze, not being able to look him in the eyes any longer.

„What I'm trying to say is... I liked it. Kissing you, I mean. I really liked it.“

He was dreaming. He had to. Juleka must've put something in that tea so he would doze off and imagine this whole scenario right now. There was no way, no freaking way, that Marinette had just come here (or ran, judging by how sweaty she actually looked) to confess to him that she liked kissing him. The only thing making him doubt his theory was Marinettes hand slowly moving towards his own and touching it, which felt entirely too real to just be a dream.

„O-oh,“ he said. „That's... really?“

Wow, a girl just confessed and that's your answer to that? Way to go, Couffaine.

„I mean, good,“ he quickly added, „I was scared you wouldn't want to see me again afterwards. With how weird I was-“

„What?“ Marinette more or less jumped out of her chair, looking almost offended. „Why would I not? I would be stupid to ignore you after everything! Do you actually have any idea how importat, how precious, you are to me?“

„I meant what I said, Luka. Our friendship means the world to me. You mean the world to me. This kiss didn't ruin anything between us! If anything, it ruined me! I had to come here and talk to you about this and figure things out because I couldn't freaking distract myself. No matter what I did, baking or sewing, I kept thinking about how dreamy and perfect that stupid kiss was! And you have the audacity to doubt yourself like that? Are you for real?“

Luka stared at her confused.

„The... the kiss was that distracting to you?“

Marinette seemed to have suddenly realised what she had just admitted to, blushed furiously, and hid her face in his shoulder. He burst out laughing, and wrapped one arm around her.

„Gosh, Mari,“ he gasped, „you're adorable!“

„Shut up!“, she whined, but he could hear that she was laughing as well.

After they both calmed down, they stayed like this, half cuddling, while Luka stroked her back with one hand.

„So, that means we're good?“, he asked.

Marinette lifted her head and pressed her forehead against his. „Yeah, we're good.“

Luka smiled. „I'm glad.“

Marinette opened her eyes and he found himself once again drowning in her breathtakingly beautiful eyes.

„You know,“ Luka said after a while, „I actually don't really have anything against ruining our friendship. If that means I'll get to kiss you again.“

"Then what are you waiting for?", Marinette smiled. „Ruin it.“

He closed the distance with more confidence this time, holding her face close to his as she ran her fingers through his hair, making soft moaning sounds as he got bold enough to let his tongue slip into her mouth. He tilted his head to further deepen the kiss, letting one hand slinde from her cheek over her shoulder to her upper back.

Perfect didn't even begin to preoperly describe the way he felt.

After breaking the kiss to actually catch some air, Luka got up and lifted Marinette onto the counter, one hand resting on her thigh, the other cupping her cheek while he stood in between her legs as she tried to pull him closer, as if she wanted to keep him there forever.

If their first kiss was like a question, this one was the answer.

Send me a number and I'll write a short(ish) Lukanette fic!

[aintitfierce]

GET TO KNOW YOUR ADMIN !!

NAME -- masha

PRONOUNS -- she/her, but they/them or it/its could be nice. i won't kick up a fuss to he/him, either, but it does give me a brief pause

PREFERRED COMMS -- lies down probably IMs here, unfortunately. i have 'not getting out of this chair-itis' rip also my computer (not the laptop) is like 15 years old and dying a slow death so i can't open more than a single tab and maybe my pictures folder without everything slowing to the speed of molasses on a cold day

HOWEVER, i have gotten over myself a little bit and i do have an active discord now. so i've been thinking about moving some stuff there

NAME OF MUSE -- vanya, but he prefers pretty vanya or anything similarly Fawning. he has a noticeable, unexplained fondness for being referred to as the nondescript 'creature' as well

EXPERIENCE IN RP -- my first experience with RP was in the gaiaonline forums as a teenager lmAO. i used to scrounge around in the forums for any literary magical school-based RPs. then i kinda fell away from it once i left the site. i didn't pick it back up again until after i'd been on tumblr for a few months in 2013-2014 or so, stumbled into the kung fu panda fandom and made a friend who got me into RPing canon characters through skype ghfhiieo then i opened up an ask blog in june 2014 which very quickly morphed into just a RP blog instead and the rest is history

BEST EXPERIENCES -- back on gaia i joined a roleplay which was taking place in some school for people with super powers (i was in a lot of those as u might have guessed, they were my favorites lmao). me and one other person were the only ones awake and active at one point and it was just a rapid fire interaction between our muses for a couple pages, after which we laughed at The Shenanigans bc we were pretty sure our two characters had just become the comic relief of the entire thread and wondered how the other players were going to react when they inevitably came back

honestly i just remember it being a ton of fun. that style of RP is so incredibly foreign to me now, but nostalgic

PET PEEVES / DEALBREAKERS -- i had to take a long time to think about this, and i think the number one thing that gets to me is infomodding. i very much prefer having a running tally of what our muses each know about each other and more importantly what they Don't. i wrote with someone once who would occasionally consider what they knew about my muse to be fair game for their muse to know as well, without any reasoning for how they'd know this information or when they found it out

additionally, the only other thing i can think of that does get to me pretty badly is related to pacing. like i mention below, i like interactions that feel relatively real and natural, and sometimes that means letting the conversation unfold on its own and allowing awkward silences and lulls to play out to their conclusions. it drives me a little crazy when i'm just getting comfortable in a conversational thread but my writing partner is instead evidently feeling Bored with the small talk, so they inject some drama or some other bombshell to Liven It Up and get the action rolling orz usually has killed the thread for me in the past

MUSE PREFERENCE ( FLUFF, ANGST, SMUT ) -- out of these three probably angst, but i rarely RP it bc i don't feel that i'm very good at it. also idk how Seriously people could pretty vanya angst lmao

i've done so little actual RPing with him (my own fault, tbh) that i don't really know what my preference is with him yet. him being captured by big jack bc there were rumors about him being Powerful And Rare has probably been one of my favorite interactions so far. i admittedly do enjoy writing more antagonistic interactions more than i do friendlier ones

PLOT OR MEMES -- my Natural State is that of a pantser, to be completely honest, but there's a special place in my heart for plotted threads. i do enjoy laying out the basics and then letting it go with a check-in every now and again when one of us is running out juice or Unsure about anything

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES -- either or. i'm no good at one-liners, and i struggle with novella length (condensing my partner's response into something i can reply to while being careful to keep the story Moving takes a lot of brainpower for me). i do however love replies and threads and partners, perhaps, who are okay with letting some parts of the conversation Drop and potentially come back into play later. i like that sense of continuity, where it feels like a real or natural interaction two people might have with lulls in the conversation and callbacks

BEST TIME TO WRITE -- at this point i have no clue wheezes

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE? -- lord i hope not lmao

[mikomikono]

hi miko! im here with a fic writing question… i was thinking about how to make smut good bc recently i feel like whenever i get to the smut part of the fic im writing i get super bored, like im just rehashing whatever ive been writing in every smut scene ive done for years. you and endles came to mind bc i always find your guys nsfw scenes really compelling, and great, and unique. while also being hot and fun (very important w smut!!) so i wanted to ask if you had any tips for keeping things exciting or fresh when you are tackling those scenes! especially because you guys have experience writing the same characters many times over and manage to be so creative and distinct with every scene ive read from you. so, i guess, penny for your thoughts, if you feel like it! (sorry for sending this only to you and asking for both your opinions, it was the simplest 😭. if u want to answer yourself only thats fine haha)

❤️

Heyyyy oh my god I never expected to become someone ppl would come to for writing advice, what an honour 💖 also, I hope you don't mind me answering publicly, bc I feel like this is something a lit of writers struggle with! I will put it under a cut tho, bc I ended up writing quite a bit oops

So. Smut. It's kinda funny you should ask me about that, bc the first proper sex scene I ever wrote was last year for Steamship Sexcapades (bc I am not counting that one feeble attempt at 19 that was so cringe that I hid it away and didn't even think about trying again for like 8 yrs) but I suppose after writing *checks The Canon word count* a lot since then means something :DD

Here's the thing: I also feel like I'm rehashing things. Constantly. There's only so many ways you can say "cock in hole ➡️ thrust" before you're gonna have to repeat some phrases. And honestly, I feel like I repeat phrases remarkably often! But in a way that's all writing! (or that's how I stop myself from getting too depressed about it lol) The readers don't notice! Usually. And as long as you don't use the exact same wording every single time.

Ok, so here's a few tips on what I, personally, think you need to make a good sex scene:

Don't be afraid of the words. Y'know, the first time I wrote "half-hard cock" I (allegedly) had to take a 10min break and texted a friend that I was not going to be able to do this. But after a while you sort of get used to it and the words that seemed embarrassing stop being that, and become just... Words. And you also shouldn't shy away from more "cringe" words! Sometimes its fun to be a little cringe!

Related, you should try to love the words. But that's just good general writing advice, I feel.

Describe the emotions. Most people feel... something towards those they are intimate with, and that should be true in erotica too. It should be especially true in erotica, I think! Even if it's a one night stand, strangers who met in the club 5mins ago, whatever... You want the characters to feel.

Don't forget the physical. This is a thing that might seem a bit... weird. Like, you're writing sex, how could it not be physical? But what I mean is that you shouldn't forget to describe how it feels to the people involved, most notably your POV character. It's very easy to get lost in describing what they're doing and completely forget to get into the actual feeling. You're not writing a sex manual! And I have read fics where half way through I realise that's what it sounds like.

It's never just about the sex. Even if you think it is, it's not. It's about the connection, the narrative, the characterisation... It's about showing something that you can only show through the kind of vulnerable intimacy that sex scenes provide. Even if it's a oneshot pwp, it still has something to say. Maybe that something is wanting to get your rocks off, but also we're talking about fanfiction... We don't read and write that just to get off. It's always about the characters.

Rehashing is fine, actually. As I said, there's only so many ways to describe certain things, and so many ways you can have sex. Except that's not really true, because the secret to keeping it fresh is mixing it up! You can change positions, you can change who's the top/bottom, you can add foreplay (you should) and then change what kind of foreplay you wanna have! You can look into kinks! You can change locations! (I know we've done that a lot) You can add or remove any number of things to make each individual encounter different! And that's the key: repetition is fine, so long as you don't use the exact same everything every time. Case in point, there is a tumblr post which I would link except I'm on mobile, that is titled sth like "list of vocal sounds for smut", which has a list of, well, sounds/verbs (moan, groan, hiss, whimper, whisper etc) and adjectives that could be paired with them (hoarse, needy, quiet, throaty, desperate, wanton etc). The point is, that the best way to keep from sounding repetitive is to mix and match the words so that even if you say "groan" five times in 5k words, it's a different kind of groan every time. The same applies to sex acts! Do you have any idea how much cock Ryunosuke has sucked during The Canon? A lot. But it doesn't feel repetitive (hopefully) because everything else around it is switched up.

And perhaps most importantly: you gotta be at least a little horny for it yourself. I get it, man, writing smut is weird. You sit in front of your computer, staring at the monitor like "hmm is it better to use the word cock or dick or member?" And like... That's not very sexy. But! But!!! At the end of the day you gotta write something that makes you excited! Otherwise what's the point? Why are you writing if it doesn't fulfill you on some level??

Anyway, that's just my thoughts on the matter. If you want more specific help with writing, you can always DM me, I don't mind~

Also, endles says she is too mentally exhausted to properly answer, but she seconds everything I said, especially the point about loving the words. Actually she really wants to say sth about that, so I'm paraphrasing her for the rest of this:

You, as a writer, should love language. You should love the neat little things that language can do and seek out new things to try every time. It's a journey of discovery! Just like sex is always a new journey, even if it's the same characters and the same sex acts, every individual time is a chance to find something new. Let yourself have fun! Write something really stupid and work from that. The way I create scenes by writing jokes, even for serious scenes, because sex at the core is kinda funny. You're standing naked (at least partially) in front of this other naked person and it makes you feel a bit funny.

Also concrete advice: pick a list of 5-10 words you want to use. They can be anything, verbs, nouns, adjectives, as long as you really, really vibe with them, because they make you happy, as long as they're not words you already use a lot. They can also all relate to the same theme if you want! And then find a way to put all those words in.

[milchig-de]

Vent

Pairing: Character & Reader

Summary: You talk about your problems. Not relationship related.

Warnings: This is basically just vent writing. Very depression, existential dread

Notes: i imagined scaramouche as the character but you can put whoever you want there. ill tag it as scaramouche x reader bc of that but really it doesnt matter. its one am, im tired and sad. please dont be mean to me

_______________

You sit on a chair, a beverage in front of you. It is a warm day, although not warm enough to be unpleasant. Lifting the cup to your lips, you take a sip. You are unable to discern what you are drinking. You put your cup down again.

Someone approaches you. They sit down in front of you. You greet them and they greet back.

Silence.

What are you waiting for? Start a conversation.

"So... nice weather we have?"

The person across you doesn't respond. The look in their eyes tells you something is wrong. They seem to doubt you, ask you if that is really what you wanted to say. They ask if you truly do not have other questions to pose.

You unnecessarily clear your throat.

Another silence.

This person isn't here to make small talk. Think of a meaningful question.

...

Or don't.

Truly, if you have nothing important to say, why are you here?

"When do I ever have something important to say? My life bears little meaning in the greater scheme of things."

The person still sitting across from you answers.

"Perhaps that is so."

"Then... why should I say anything?"

"You can sit in silence. But isn't that boring?"

"That's precisely why I always say nonsense. It's better than bearing this agonizing silence."

They do not respond.

Speak from your heart.

"Sometimes I wonder... If none of what I say is of importance, what even is the substance of me? In other's eyes I am defined by what I do and say. So am I not essentially unimportant?"

"Do you consider yourself unimportant?"

"..."

"I guess I do. I don't particularly care about myself. I barely feel as though I even have a presence. I perceive and interact with the world I am in, but I do not take the time to truly spend time with myself."

"What does it leave you with?"

"A certain sense of... emptiness."

"What do you do about it? Do you just let it fester inside you like a some species of mold? Like some parasite?"

"I usually fill it with things that aren't real. Hell, I'm doing that right now. You aren't real, this place isn't even a place and this beverage isn't anything."

You point at your unidentifiable surroundings to stress your point.

"But when does it end? When do you lose your touch with reality? When does your true self begin? Do you even have one? Or has your entire existence been based on things that aren't there? On things so terribly out of reach that it's fucking pathetic you're still trying?"

...

"I know I'm weird. And I know this weirdness makes me unloveable. I don't know what to do about it. Everything I do only makes my life worse. Every day I wake up alive, I see no possible improvement. No one will come around to help me. That isn't how it works. I need to be proactive, but do I even deserve any help? I haven't done anything of importance and all I will ever reach is mediocrity. What's the point in trying if I will only come so far? "

...

"Maybe there is no point."

Both of you look to the scenery. It's quite beautiful. Perhaps it, too, is undeserving. But at least it is there. Even if the point is truly gone, you will still be here, for better or for worse.

"For worse, I'm sure."

Regardless of it all;

Tomorrow is another day.

[junicult]

if you don't mind me asking, who are you favorite bachelors to write? lol obviously you love Harvey (as do i) but i"m just wondering if theres any bachelors that you don't like/aren't willing to do singular posts for? btw i'm in love with your blog <3 <3

hm, i’m actually kinda glad u asked this anon.

so as for bachelors i don’t like / aren’t willing to write for—i wouldn’t say i feel that way about any of them. i’ll write for all of them, my hc posts being proof of that.

if i had to go in order of which bachelor i liked the most…i mean…harvey. duh. (no one’s surprised.)

in my very first post, i just kinda started writing with whoever came to mind first, i didn’t really put it into an order of who i like most / least. that order has always stuck with me (harvey, sam, shane, sebastian, alex, elliot) just cus i think the organization looks nice. although i feel like i accidentally conditioned myself into making that the actual order of who i like most to least😭😭😭

writing for harvey just gets my creative juices flowing, u know. i just love writing for him cus he’s the literal embodiment of my type LMFAO.

i love sam because he and i are veerryyyy similar. at least in the way that i hc him. plus he’s the bachelor that i’m most close with in age, so i just love him a lot.

tbh, shane isn’t my type in the slightest. i’ve never once married him in game, but for some reason i think he’s really fun to write sometimes. i mostly dickride the fanon version of him tho, i feel like if i stuck with canon i’d get bored (i sound like a horrible person😭😭) he’s got a very interesting storyline and he actually has character, so i like that a lot.

i definitely like sebastian more then shane as a bachelor tbh. i’ve always been more drawn to people that are shy and reserved and he’s exactly like that. i think he has a really interesting storyline that makes it enjoyable to write with.

as for alex, i actually love him believe it or not😭😭 i like how he’s a lowkey asshole, super self centered and stuff but he’s genuinely oblivious to it. like some of his dialogue where he’s just outright a dick & he doesn’t even realize it makes me laugh so hard. the one where he talks abt how he doesn’t want to donate his shoes bc he doesn’t like the idea of someone else WEARING HIS SHOES & then he just says “…what?” afterwards like…i can appreciate the humor. i think his backstory might be my favorite just because i can relate to it. he’s a genuine guy who tries to hide behind his masculinity, and by definition i don’t really gravitate towards those kinds of people, but i like him a lot.

and elliot…lol ok. it’s not that i don’t like him, that’s not it at all. i think he’s sweet, and i always enjoy getting my hearts up with him—but he’s definitely my least favorite to write. that’s only because he’s just kinda…there. lol. he doesn’t have a backstory, or much backbone to write with. i mean, we both have similar interests obviously, i love to write too, but that’s just about it that i have in common with him LMFAO. i can understand why people like him tho, so i won’t stop writing for him. i’m also open to getting to know him more, don’t get me wrong. i just haven’t.

so to answer ur question anon (cus i got WAY too carried away lol) i’ll write for any of them. but i guess, if i got an ask only to write for elliot…i might not AND IM SO SORRY ABOUT THAT!!!!!!!

i usually write whenever i feel entertained by the prompt, or when i feel extra creative, so who’s to say that i’ll never write for elliot stand-alone.

if someone wanted me to write for harvey and i just wasn’t very interested by the idea, then i probably wouldn’t do that either. i wish i had the drive to write like other people can, but i really only write if i’m enjoying what i’m writing.

i hope this helps, and thank you sm for liking my blog 🩷🩷

[nectaric]

GET  TO  KNOW  THE  MUN.

what made you pick up the muse you have? i'll pick a few: zeus was because i was obsessed with greek mythology thanks to percy jackson and other books i had read, but specifically with hades. when i stumbled across a group rp waaay back in the day that seemed cool, i wanted to join but hades wasn't available so i went "i guess i'll give zeus a shot" and the rest was history. i added athena bc i watched age of ultron for the first time, saw lizzie olsen and went "THAT'S ATHENA!!" i added demeter bc there were no active dem's at the time and i missed her :(

is there anything you don't like to write? there is very little i won't write, i think, under the right circumstances. i find super mundane stuff boring after a little while, but that doesn't mean i don't like it period. i guess i don't like writing things where my muses feel like punching bags *coughszeuscoughs* but i mean otherwise, i'm game for most things!

is there anything you really enjoy writing? FAMILY DYNAMICS are like. my number one. i love dads getting to bond with their kids. i love sibling shenanigans. i love family taking care of each other, i love family arguing, i love family opening up about their pasts and painful experiences. i. love. family dynamics so much, FOUND or otherwise! i'm also a fan of intense angst situations, too.

how do you come up with your headcanons? pure vibes, man. once i really get a feel for a character as i write them, the headcanons kinda just write themselves. some of my more in depth ones come from a lot of thought and speculation, usually done by talking to myself in my room lol, but i really just... imagine them up. sometimes it comes from talking with others, but that's slightly rarer.

do you write in silence or listen to music? usually without music, unless i actually have a space to myself and can throw on some instrumental stuff. but yeah, its usually just with the ambient sounds and chatter of my house.

do you plan your replies or wing them? sometimes i plan them when i first read them because i have a good idea, but for the most part, i wing it when i get to them.

do you enjoy shipping? for the most part, yeah. i can sometimes find shipping a little... repetitive. so i really do need a strong connection between muses and some exciting stuff to throw in to keep it interesting. i much prefer platonic / familial ships, but i do love a good romantic one, too!

what's your alias / name? renee! which is just my middle name but its a vibe, i like it better than my real name.

zodiac sign? aquarius babyyyyy!

birthday? it was back in feb

favorite color? i am such a sucker for green rn, in all shades, but i also really like baby blue n yellow.

favorite song? i think rn its superstar by lilyisthatyou

last movie you watched? MOVIE? i think it was barbie actually

last show you watched? sword art online kdjfhnd

last song you listened to? life itself by glass animals

favorite food? oh my GODDDDD okay listen up. my favourite food ever is a very specific taco from a tiny hole in the wall shop in san jose iturbide, mexico. its a chorizo taco con cebollas and some salsa verde and i DREAM OF THOSE TACOS. i ate those like four times a week for four months. they're incredible.

favorite season? i'm an autumn girlie at my heart, but canada rarely lets me have a NICE autumn :((

do you have a tumblr best friend? @aetheryic is my literal bestie of like 11 years or something and was the one who ran the group rp where i discovered my love of zeus so :///

tagging: all of you!

[inkedmyths]

[[So I just woke up from a Fucked Up Dream and I just. Yeah. Not 100% accurate to what I dreamed, mostly bc I'm already forgetting some details]]

Statement of Inked Myths, regarding the passing of an ill relative. Statement given June 18, 2023. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London.

---

Statement begins.

-

I wasn't supposed to be home.

That's the thing I keep coming back to. I wasn't supposed to be home at the time. If I hadn't been home, my mom would be dead. Maybe the rest of us would be dead too. I don't—

...I don't think I want to think about that.

Anyways. I guess I should start off with the background, first, right. You have to understand that first.

I live with my family. Well, my mom's side of the family. Sometimes I think it makes me a disappointment, you know. Twenty year old still living in the house. I try not to dwell on it, though. Did you know the whole "move out right at 18" thing only really became a thing in the 1950's? Same with the nuclear family model. It was a couple of decades worth of a fluke, a country wealthy enough that you could do that. Now, it's so damn difficult to make a living wage, and people still expect you to move out—

Er. Sorry. Back on topic.

So, yeah, I live with my family. It's me, my mom, my grandmother, grandfather, and...

...And my great grandpa. Or, was.

That last one, um. That's why I'm here today.

My great grandfather had been ill for a long time. So's my grandfather, but Grandpy was worse off. It's just, life, you know? He was so old, and you rarely get that old and stay in good health. So he just kind of sat around most days, sitting in his chair, watching television or reading or whatever it was he did to pass the time.

I– God. I feel. I feel so bad, you know? I barely know what he even liked. I just... like he was always just kind of there, in the background, and I never... never really talked with him. I had my life and it was going too fast to stop and just. Just talk. God, who knows how long that— that thing—

Right. Getting ahead of myself.

Point is, he was sick, and had been for a long time. We took care of him, as best we could. Not really qualified, since none of us are really caretakers, but. Well. Homes cost money, and the best one we could find was so far away, so. We did our best.

...He used to talk. Just, a lot. To anyone who happened to pass by his chair. Just, about anything. What he was watching, recent news, reminiscing about times gone by. Sometimes it was just nonsense. He just liked talking. My grandmother always said to try and listen to him, if just for a little bit. That he just wanted some comoany for a while. I was never— never the greatest, at sitting and listening. Just. Don't like sitting still, and it tended to be boring, and. God, I feel like an asshole. But I mean. We all tried.

It should have been a huge red flag, when he stopped talking one day.

I think... I think we all assumed it was a sign of his health taking another bad turn. That happens. One day they can chatter your ears off, the next they can't. Perfectly natural.

Life went on, but it was. Unnerving. He'd always been talkative. Always. And he stopped watching his television, so it was always silent down there now. It freaked me out, so I avoided the downstairs even more than I already did.

I wasn't supposed to be home, that day.

Last week, I'd gone to school, you know, as normal, but. God. Have you ever had a feeling of dread so, so awful, you feel actually sick? I thought my unease would go away, but it just. It stayed, evolved, and I just couldn't shake that gut-wrenching feeling that something bad was about to happen.

Mom was off early, so I called, and had her pick me up. Not that home felt much better but, god, I didn't want to sit through fucking pre-calc while I felt like this. I figured it was just a particularly nasty bout of anxiety. I don't usually get, like, the whole shaking and crying and having a hard time breathing panic attacks, but I do get, like. Deep bouts of anxiety where I can't eat and feel really jittery.

Mom picked me up, asked if I was ok. I just kind of, shrugged, said the anxiety was bad today. She nodded. Her phone went off. My great grandfather was calling. Mom groaned, and ignored it.

He'd been calling all day, she said. Asking when she'd be home. Over, and over. When would she be home?

In hindsight this is. God. I wasn't supposed to be home. He— no, it. It didn't plan for me being there.

So, we got home, and went up to our rooms, like we always do. I sat down for a while, tried to take comfort in more familiar, quieter surroundings, but couldn't. That feeling of dread just felt like it was growing, and growing, and.

You know, I just read the other day that it's a symptom of a heart attack. This overwhelming feeling of dread. That it's your body knowing something is really, really wrong, without being able to tell it to you specifically. I've never had a heart attack, but I imagine that feeling is probably not to far off from what I was feeling then.

I decided to go down and grab a snack. Sometimes, when I'm feeling particularly jittery, it's just because I haven't eaten enough. So, I got up, and stopped by mom's room, asked her if she wanted something, and she said she'd be down in a second.

I turned away, walked to the top of the stairs and.

And was face to face with my great grandfather.

He was standing. He was on the stairs. He he hadn't— he hadn't been able to walk unassisted in— in years! He was standing on his own, walking up the stairs, in a way I'd never seen him do! It looked wrong. Like the slightest breeze should knock him over, like he should be shaking from the effort of standing. But he stood, like it was normal, though it was anything but.

The dread turned into terror when my eyes met— met it's. Because in that moment I knew that this? This was not my great grandfather. It was something else. Something pretending to be him. Empty eyes stared back at me, devoid of that little twinkle he'd always had, no matter what he was talking about. They were just... just empty, like glass.

I didn't even have time to scream. He— it lunged at me, grabbed me, and.

You know that thing in dreams, where you can't move or scream? Where you like, try to scream, but nothing comes out?

It is so, so much worse when it happens in real life.

I struggled, tried to break away, trying to scream. I couldn't. I could barely move, the moment it grabbed me. It was like it was... draining, me. Of my strength, my life even. I couldn't— I couldn't fight back. I fell backwards, wheezing, desperately trying to free myself, to scream, to hit something and make a noise. It's grip moved towards my throat, and there was nothing I could do.

I don't know if my struggle managed to make enough noise, or if my mom had just arbitrarily decided that was when she was going to get up and go join me downstairs. Or maybe she, too, had felt the same dread I had, and couldn't stand it anymore.

She walked out of her room to my struggle for my life.

I don't really remember exactly. I just know she knocked it off of me, and we both ended up downstairs.

And I know it lunged for her, next.

Free from its weird, freezing grasp, I ran. Fight or flight, and for maybe the first time in my life, I was choosing fight. I'm not a strong person, but, but that was my mom, she was in danger, and so was I, and. I ran into the kitchen, and grabbed a knife. Cliche, maybe, but what else was I supposed to do.

I ran back, to where it now had my mom in that same, awful grip. She was frozen, like I had been, unable to do more than try and not fall over, unable to shake it off as its cold, thin fingers dug into her arms.

But all its attention was focused on her. Maybe it thought I had run away completely. It's back was to me, and I had an opening.

I've never, in my life, killed anything more than a bug. Never gone hunting, never slaughtered a pig or whatever. Never really had the stomach for it.

I took the knife I grabbed, and without hesitation, plunged it into that thing's back. It plunged deep, like through sponge, a streak of blood spurting out. I guess it didn't have much substance. It just kind of... shuddered, squirmed a bit around the knife, and then it just... went still.

I didn't expect it to be that easy. Maybe it wasn't built to be stabbed, or whatever. With an ability to render someone imobile with a touch, other physical defenses aren't a priority I suppose.

My mother and I stood in silence. Then, realizing how this looked, I set about cleaning up. Not really, I mean, I was in shock, but I got the body out of the front entryway. Dragged it outside, back behind the house. I knew we had to properly dispose of it or something, but didn't know what else to do about it, for now.

Then me and my mom just kind of. Sat there, for a moment. And she said, "I should have known. He just kept calling, and calling, asking when I'd be home."

I wasn't supposed to be home. It had been planning on going after my mom, and wasn't expecting me. That had probably saved our lives.

The rest of my family came home, along with my uncle and his family. They'd been talking, apparently, about how something was wrong with my great grandfather, how he'd just stopped talking and they needed to figure out what was wrong.

Mom and I exchanged a look.

I don't know what she told them. I'd had enough for the day. I wandered back up to my room, closed the door, and collected myself.

I... I don't remember when exactly he'd stopped talking. That must have been it, right? When he'd been... been replaced? How long had it been? How long had we had that thing in our house, biding its time and waiting to kill us?

It's gone now. My uncle burned what was left of it. We haven't talked about it since.

I'm not sure I'll ever feel safe in my home again.

-

Statement ends.

If I didn't know any better, I'd say someone just walked in here and confessed to murdering their ailing relative in the midst of some kind of fit. I debated calling the police on this matter, but decided against it. I have some doubts as to whether or not it would be taken seriously, or, given our Institute's reputation, if it would be passed off as not enough evidence, if not outright a prank.

It does fit with the running theme of doppelgangers that I've noticed in several statements. I'm not sure if that lends it more or less credit.

There is... another reason, I did not call the police on this. I had Sasha do some digging on the family, to try and figure out which members were referred to, particularly this "great grandfather". As it turns out, the man in question was recorded as having passed peacefully in his sleep... 16 years before this statement was given.

Statement ends.

[squirmydonnie]

Vent: CW: unreality

I'm just very upset lately. Very angry.

I don't want to do any of the things that I've done for my whole life.

And I guess that's because I've done them for my whole life but it feels weird.

Nothing feels the way that it did. Everything is wrong and weird.

Nothing feels the same or different.

Everyone I know I don't know anymore.

Everything I do isn't the same anymore.

Most things I do make me upset.

Not really that they've become unenjoyable.

Because the things that I'm talking about aren't enjoyable things. They are things that usually bother me or make me sad. But now it makes me sad and then angry.

I'm more upset most of the time.

Not enjoying things.

I'm just mostly upset all the time.

I've been shaking this whole time writing this. Not out of anger.

I just have so much anxiety.

Nothing feels right at all. I'm just waiting for it to be over.

But I've been waiting for so long.

That most things just feel like me waiting. Waiting for it to be over.

I know how long I have. But it's become pretty tiresome.

I'd really like for time to just speed up.

It doesn't help that this is the boring and uninteresting I've ever felt.

My friends and family are gone.

I don't have them. So I miss them. But do I really?

What I'm really missing is everything they gave me.

But if that was all just me, I've just been alone this whole time.

I don't have my friends or family.

I don't even have myself anymore.

before coming into "real contact" with my daydreams, I only ever talked with Cookie 12.

We could short conversations with each other.

He didn't really know who or what I exactly was. It sometimes seemed like he didn't really know where he was.

We were like on a white piece of paper. White screen. White walls.

I enjoyed talking with another version of me. And of course I did.

I've always done this. Making stories about myself and changing my name in them even though it was clearly me.

I like putting myself into stories. I like thinking of myself in a very vague way.

But once I'm unable to do that, I don't know "what I are".

I don't know what I'm doing. Its extremely lost. Theres nothing I can do.

Theres nothing I can look up and find for this.

I find this problem often. So much that i don't like it when something is like me. Or if it relates to me. And don't like clones.

Or people who I sometimes see as my clones due to my similarity to me.

I've since had less problem with this. But. I really do like clones. When I can tell its me.

I like Cookie 12 and BC.

I miss having BC.

Earlier this week I wanted BC to brush me.

I don't know how to explain this, but I was in class and something was wrong with my back.

So I wanted her to brush it with a brush?. But she can't because shes gone.

So it was just me in the white room being brushed by nothing. Like the brush is floating and brushing me but no one is there but me.

Cookie 12 isn't gone, but I know he doesn't want to talk to me. Xe used to be okay with it. But now that he knows I'm the one who's been doing all this stuff to him. He obviously doesn't want to be around me.

I used to take Mama from him and just have her in my room.

If I didn't take things so seriously and at face value I wouldn't have this kind of problem.

And I'm specifically talking about things that can be considered imaginary or fake.

These kind of things I take as real.

And when it's not that. Its serious subject that everyone else takes as a joke.

And this seriously effects me. Its hurts me so much I can't move on from it.

I'm hurt by these things and I can't handle it.

I hate so many jokes and I find nothing funny a lot of the time, despite how humorous I am.

It's all just very confusing.

It's the first time I've been human I guess.

Everything's is just wrong now.

[2d0rn0t2d]

hey everyone. long boring text incoming to tell you about where i've been lol (tl;dr ver. : college, stress, mental health, art block.) as for the long version

srry for the long period of silence. i don't try to talk about shit or vent online bc i don't like looking like a gloomy sack of ass but i guess it's better than going about my usual unhealthy cycle of going online for a little bit and make things look ok then just out of nowhere vanish out of the scene and make shit look more suspicious. i feel upset that i make people believe that they bother me or don't interest me or that i'm ignoring art just because, in reality i actually haven't been able to gather the motivation to draw for the entire duration i was off.

i'm also tired of focusing on college and studying just so i can feel like i'm not inferior to the other students getting good grades when in reality i'm just fucking failing all together in a lot of tests and shit which sucks. i've put off so many passion projects, hobbies, and all just so i can try and focus on "building myself a future/not get distracted by the wrong things". i'm really frustrated of living this unfulfilling life that depresses me when art and other forms of hobbies are the only thing i have rn to distract me from being so fucking burnt out and upset.

in general my mental health has also been acting up but i'm also working on myself and i'm really happy i've finally started to basically focus on myself and my happiness instead of basically living for the expectations of other people and doing whatever i can to not disappoint those i know (especially my parents). i guess a step to also do that is let you guys actually know whats up (at least the more general shit of whats going on) i'm not sure if i did it correctly or if it just sounds like i'm talking out of my ass.

thank you if you've read this text, i genuinely appreciate it and i appreciate all the comments, likes, reblogs and all the love you've been giving to my art. you guys have no idea how happy and motivated its made me and the confidence i have for my art has risen so much. thank you once again and i hope all of you have a great day.

[kllrorca]

TLDR;

- Hai!!!! I'm Orca also now known as Mylo (bc the name is pretty and i wanna feel pretty :3) I'm an alter who's LITERALLY our host but I also have some fictionkins I'll need to regulate later on umm!!!!

- I age with the body and rn, we are 17 :3 I DON'T HAVE A DNI (beside the basic one!!) I'm just existing ^_^ I USE THEY/THEM!!!!!!!!

- I CAN'T FOLLOW BACK!! This is a side blog and even tho host doesn't use tumblr to post, ik he wouldn't want any proshippers in his following so I'm gna respect that :3 (feel free to follow me anywhere else that DOESN'T connect this type of stuff)

- I AM A PROSHIPPER AND PROFIC(??! I need to search more about it but it seems fun :3)

Tsdr [Too short didn't read];

ITS ME!!! - KllrOrca :3

— Mylo/Orca ; Minor ; They/Them ; Headmate

- SIDE BLOG. Other socials will be put later!

- I'm usually fronting, if I'm not fronting u have the permission to ask about me!! The host might not respond but sooner or later I will instead :3

- I am a proshipper & Profic, I'm still getting used to being public about it so I'll put emojis down at some point!!!

- We are bodily Black & Puerto Rican :3 I WILL make jokes eluding to racism and slavery with friends, its something I picked up and will NOT let go!!! If that makes u uncomfortable just tell me ^_^

— Activity Varies depending on how much people perceive me ^_^ If you dont perceive me I won't be on for long, since I'll be bored!

- I USE MY HOSTS ARTSTYLE THAT SEEMS EASY TO USE!! I don't want to hurt my hands OR make others think my host is a proshipper when he's not 😞 I wanna get in drama for ME not him srry

- Everyone has full permission to draw my sona and use my sona in anything EVEN hate drawings :3 I love everything!!!! Give it to meee ^q^

— I'M NOT EXACTLY AGENDER BUT I DON'T EXACTLY HAVE A GENDER EITHER!! I guess I AM agender but on a more feminine + masculine side without the neutral ??? I don't really care :3

- My sexuality is... idk!! I haven't thought about it

- I AM APART OF THE LGBT THOUFH!! I KNOW THAT :3 Idk if I'm pan, i don't think so and besides; I wanna be myself !!!

- ANY AGE CAN INTERACT WITH ME BUT DON'T BLAME ME FOR ANYTHING I AGE RESTRICTED!!

— HAI thw main blog to get to any OTHER blog IS strictly [ANTI PROSHIPPERS] + variations, so I can't send it here :3 incase any anti proshippers want it to date back to my host (who rlly just wants me to stop bothering him about everything) then dm me and I'll send it!!! idm ^w^

- I'll make a carrd/rentry/strawpage at some point :3 maybe :3 idk .. maybe I shouldn't but also Should once I have all my socials ready

MY BOUNDARIES [IK, SHOCKING!!]

— I don't have a dni (beside the basic one!!) :3 You can interact with me idc! Even if its for arguing! One thing I ask though is that u DON'T attempt to dox me, bc at the end of the day I can just stop fronting snd you'll be doxxing an innocent person instead who got so tired of hearing me yap and yap!!

- I won't be doing the time, my host will :3 and it'll only traumatize us more!!! Don't be stupid :D

- ACTUALLY don't harass ANYBODY!!!! u can Harass ME but don't harass anyone else PLEASE!!!! I won't like talking to u otherwise sorry

— JUST BECAUSE I'M AN ALTER DOES NOT MEAN I WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY SYSTEM! Talk to me for me pls :3

- I DON'T CARE ABOUT SYSCOURSE UR ALL PEOPLE AT THE END OF THE DAY and I want people to talk to me ^_^ Talk to me Rachel...!! /ref

- IF YOU feel uncomfortable talking to me since im an alter (confusing but wtvr) DON'T FEEL FORCED TO INTERACT if I interact first :3

- Ai generators can kiss my ass also btw I don't like Ai but i can like the person typing the prompt in the computer if ur cool !!!!

MYYYY Final notes :3

— ANY ANON EMOJIS ARE WELCOMED TO ASK FOR A SPOT HERE OR A SPECIAL TAG :3 U can dm me and ask me abt things idm!! I have the mindset of NOT SENDING HARASSMENT OR hating on people who haven't done anything :3

- u can request me art from me :3 but know thay sending nsfw to minors IS illegal so I can't do nsfw!! sexual nsfw!

[antisatiric]

[ book ] sender helps receiver get a book from a higher part of the shelf. (bc 1. books and 2. this radio bitch is seven fucking feet tall)

"Nice!"

It's far too casual a word for the raptness of the attention that Alastor's offering commands; even as someone who's usually enthusiastic enough about literature, there really aren't many things he's managed to salvage that actually capture his attention like a good, classic historical fiction. Understandably, those aren't really in high supply here.

From the moment Alastor reaches up to pluck the book off his shelf to the moment it lands in his hands, his focus is completely grabbed by the surprising quality it seems to have been made with.

Not for the first time, he's pretty grateful for the open invitation to make use of Alastor's collection. Aside from general entertainment practically all of the time, this is one of the best 'rewards' he's gotten from the game between them.

Of course, even that probably wasn't completely without ulterior motive, but it benefits Twain just fine to have access to these books in general. It would probably be more beneficial if Alastor didn't watch him like a damn hawk every time he came over to this apartment, but then again, Alastor pretty much does the same thing every time he shows up to make himself a nuisance anywhere.

"I've been lookin' for somethin' like this lately. I mean, no offense to all the other books I've found, but they're a little action-packed for my taste. Get enough 'a that as-is, and anyway readin' about stuff like that hasn't always entertained me." It's more helpful in the long run for his abilities, but he doesn't say that aloud, obviously. "There's just some things that books do better, right? I mean, you'll probably do just fine watchin' a movie or what-have-you for action, but it's a little boring to watch people sit an' talk all day. But that's all I wanna see happen when I read."

He leans against the wall next to the shelf, eyes on the book rather than Alastor---though even this rapt concentration is a little bit of a lie, since he's more than interested in Alastor's miniscule reactions. Twain wonders if he ever gets annoyed by the rambling, and secretly hopes that he does; it's one of the only tools Twain's got in his arsenal.

"You've read it before, right? How was it? No spoilers. Just curious about your thoughts. Don't think I've ever asked about your favorite genre. Would 'horror' be a little too on-the-nose as a guess? I actually don't mind horror myself; when it's done well, it's done well. Anyway, I think it's only polite to know about the preferences 'a the person super generously offerin' me usage of his own collection."

actions. / accepting.

[weirdraccoon]

Ok. Long rant for anyone bored or curious enough...

Long story short. I consider myself asexual and aromantic. Living in the aroace spectrum surrounded by all kinds of romantic and sexual marketing is tiring 😪 but anyway I didn't mind.

I was content.

All my "crushes" are platonic and I know it and I never actually try for anything! Like. Being in a relationship is exhausting! The attention the money the emotions... Not for me.

And so far until recently, I had thought "sexual attraction" was similar to aesthetic attraction or something cause I'd never felt it before and I've never enjoyed sex (tbh I don't really like people touching me but I guess I liked them enough to give it a try -with no good results).

So. I met this one person.

This one person is 90% my type.

Taller, older, smart, secure, fun, handsome...

We talked. A lot. Almost daily. Almost.

I was happy to just be friends, as I said, I usually keep my crushes platonic, telling myself nothing will ever happen and I don't want it to happen and that way nothing can not work.

Gods. This is stupid. Hah

Anyway. I'm already struggling with suicidal-thoughts 24/7, but like, I won't do anything. I have my lifeline in place and it looks sturdy enough. Works for me even if I'm not really fixing my mind. I tend to joke about this a lot. Part of my defense I guess even when not many people get them 😅

This one person got my jokes! Like they knew when I was struggling and gave me space or even cracked their own joke to help me or even by just being there it helped 😭

And then the day came when this one person confessed to have "a thing" for me.

This part is funny for me bc my mild autistic brain thought they meant a gift lol. Then I understood they meant they liked me. And I liked them!

You know, being aroace and super selective in general, how difficult is it for me to meet someone I like and like like???

And then there were plans to go out, hang out... I allowed them to touch and it actually felt nice!!?! Is that what sexual people feel? Cause then I kinda understand why they like it so much 😂

So. This one person who was attractive for me and whose personality was awesome and with whom I had a lot of chemistry exists.

And I feel butterflies.

Here's where you make a wish cause this has never happened and I don't think it will happen again 🥲

And then.

They had to go.

So this one person who I really really liked just vanished.

Well not exactly. But we heaven't talked in a little while. And I got so bad I went all self-destructive and shit and I know it's stupid but it just feels like... Like... Loss.

So I guess I'm grieving. And to top it all, there's one person I wished I could talk to. If only to make fun of myself or to get advice or to shake me back to my usual heartless self.

But my uncle died almost two years ago now and I miss him a lot.

And so. That's my spiral.

I didn't want to worry anyone with the last HL post where MC does the deed but this fandom, that character, helps me express in a roundabout indirect anonymous way.

Everyone and everything's been telling me to be patient, like maybe this one person will come back and we can go through things the right way, and my aroace ass will have the one person who confirmed we're part of the spectrum but not on the limit... Idk if I'm explaining myself well enough. I'm still spiraling if I'm honest...

But I'm here.

And I will be here.

As long as my lifeline lives.

Anyway. Thanks for reaching out to me! I'm just another stranger on the internet but believe me, you helped, and if you ever need help, I'm here.

[zombies-aliens]

Honestly dude I hate to have this girl as a friend bc it's kinda not good for me sadly. Only thing I like is having her as a gym buddy but outside of that we don't really got much in terms of a friendship. It's quiet, kinda awkward, dry ass conversations like im bored wondering why we keep extending the convo. I feel like eventually shell be like this guy is boring ima talk to someone else. She has a better time with our friend like it's clear everyone can tell too. I sorta had a crush on her, but I was careful from the start but it's been tough sometimes bc the vibes are really nice sometimes and I let my guard down a little inside. But like... I shouldn't be man. When I leave the state its gonna be better bc you know, out of sight out of mind. She's deff a likeable person, and I feel so weird even talking about this girl here, she feels a little too close me to be doing this in a way if that makes sense. I really think if I just ignored girls and focus on myself for some time I'd be a lot better off, I can't seem to stay detached I always catch feelings to some degree. Like that other girl I was all about back before may. These things usually don't end well for me and maybe it's a sign I need to separate and do something better w my time. There's girls everywhere, I know this will be tough for my lovey dovey ahh self, bc all I really want is money and a good life. And I'm hoping a good woman that's crazy about me is part of that good life. I like being in love yall know this. Love is amazing. I love love. Sadly it's just not time for that yet. I think I got to improve myself, face my anxiety and fears, learn to live better, be more patient and nicer to myself etc all that shit. If I could press a button to erase our friendship with no repercussions and no questions I'd do it. Me and my old friend will be fine and happy. Or idk, but I know ill be. I know she'll be too. She's a fighter. She's really about her happiness and I know ill be like her in my own way. I just wanna be me and be happy. I never really prioritized it bc I'm a people pleaser ha. Anyways we are both different people completely and I'm probably just finding any excuse now to cut myself off from her and if that means from the other friends too trust me I'm okay with that of course ill miss them, bc it was a pure thing, no ulterior motives, type of friendship. It's just with this girl it's like I don't wanna be texting daily but I'm already used to this routine and it's almost like gf treatment like why tf she wanna text me for bruh. Unless I'm like a second thought I guess idfk. Now I'm thinking too deep.