#Greg Pornstachio is not Gilgamesh

[impatient-traveler]

In this essay I will prove that Greg Pornstachio isn’t actually Gilgamesh

Buckle up, we’re going straight to fanon in this one.

Meaning, this post will contain hard facts, but the interpretation of them that I will present is pretty much all wishful thinking and repurposing design oversights to fit my narrative of choice. But it will give y’all a half-decent excuse to ignore mr Whitey McMustache, so it’s worth it, right? Right!

Let’s begin with a pic of what Gilgamesh’s model looks like.

(excuse the transparency issues in this post btw, this is my rendering file in Cycles oops)

I didn’t include his phantom arm here because I wasn’t bothering with transparency on the shredded chainmail anyway (on the model it’s actually a perfectly normal arm identical to the right one, as you’ll see in a sec) 

At least 90% of you will agree with me when I say that the first logical assumption one has as to why his shoulder pads are asymmetrical is that one of them - the one with fewer parts, aka the left one, must be missing pieces as a result of the whole arm getting chopped off. The pieces that are there appear identical on both sides and there’s no real reason why the armor would be designed like this. The missing chunk was either chopped off along with the limb (unlikely, but who knows maybe chibi!Cor packed enough of a punch?) or Gilgamesh detached them afterwards so they wouldn’t bother him by clanging uselessly now that they weren’t resting on flesh.

To expand on this point, here’s the model with the partial shoulder pad replaced with a copy of the other one:

Makes sense visually, right? But the pieces aren’t entirely symmetrical. 

Here’s the same picture, but the original shoulder pad is visible as wireframe:

The angle and positioning of the corresponding pieces are slightly different. That said, at least to me, it appears to be a logical consequence of the armor getting damaged and missing pieces - With neither the rest of the shoulder pad nor an arm to support them, these pieces tilt and slump lower.

That said, let’s take a look at Greg Pornstachio now.

(all upcoming screenshots have basic auto enhancement on them to bring out details, no other editing done)

For some unknown reason Greg’s shoulder pads are already asymmetrical, and appear to be angled and possibly shaped differently. 

Another angle for reference

Now, of course this might actually be the armor design and we just drew conclusions too hastily. But there’s no practical reason for the armor to be like that. Why would it be? To offer less protection on one side? To throw the wearer off-balance? It could possibly offer more mobility for that arm, but as far as I can tell Gil is right-handed. Extra mobility on his left is useless to him. Not to mention it’s definitely not an aesthetic choice - it looks dumb!

The reasonable conclusion would be that it’s a mistake on the creators’ part. They were probably given reference for what Gil looks like in the game, perhaps even a screenshot of the model with the left arm enabled, and assumed it was supposed to look like that.

But we’re not reasonable people, are we?

So here’s what I propose as alternative:

Gilgamesh was actually a younger, dark-skinned and stache-less Shield of Ardyn, back when the two Noble brothers were still on the same side.

At some point whatever went down between Ardyn and Somnus happened, the latter turning against his brother.

Gilgamesh naturally stepped in to protect Ardyn, but he was overpowered either via being vastly outnumbered or some magic/godly intervention.

In a last ditch effort Gil saved Ardyn by telling him to run and not look back, and Ardyn reluctantly obeyed.

Gilgamesh, though, was by some supernatural force (Somnus used the Crystal’s magic, maybe?) banished to Taelpar Crag for all eternity, while Ardyn believed him dead.

In an effort to cover up what happened and produce what people would consider a believable witness to his version of the story, Somnus has an imperfect replica of the original Shield’s armor created and gives it to one of his older generals, Greg Pornstachio.

Greg assumes Gilgamesh’s identity, thanks to the fact the man always wore a mask, and assures people that he’d seen the Healer go mad with the Scourge and he now stands by Somnus instead.

Sounds much more fun, doesn’t it~? ;) 

Btw, just to tag onto this post since I’m seeing my older Gilgamesh model post gaining some traction in protest of Stacheman. Let me reiterate here that the face model underneath Gil’s mask in-game is, in fact, older Noctis, and is also using older Noct’s textures, just darkened. Looking at the textures themselves, it does appear like a white dude face with a black overlay on top. HOWEVER, people months before me poking at the model were able to clip the camera into Gil’s mask in the game and proved that on the model, with the game’s shaders, Gil’s complexion appears believably dark, not just like it’s shadowed.