#Good Shepherd International School

[starlightomatic]

hi, i just want to remind folks that a lot of people on here have personal connections to people who died or were kidnapped on october 7th. please keep this in mind when you want to understand why we react so much when people denying, minimize, or celebrate it.

a couple of months ago i met vivian silver's best friend. vivian silver was a long-time peace activist who was burned to a crisp so badly on october 7th that it took weeks to identify her body. my ex-boyfriend's family was friends with her as well, and they spent those weeks believing she was a hostage and hoping for her return, only to discover that she had been dead the whole time.

a couple weeks ago i met the sister of a nova festival survivor. she said that the hours when her brother was out of contact and they didn't know if he was alive or dead were both the shortest and longest hours of her life. another friend of mine lost five friends that day. yet another friend lost two friends who were on a biking trip in southern israel.

a couple who i know because they attended my childhood synagogue while in the US for two years lived in kibbutz nahal oz. they always told us how beautiful it was, and how they wanted us to visit it. now we can't; it's destroyed, with several of its residents killed. they and their two young girls miraculously survived after hiding in their safe room for ten hours before being rescued. a good friend of mine's boyfriend is from one of the kibbutzim that was destroyed, but he was not there at the time and so survived.

once, many years ago when the ex-boyfriend who i mentioned above (the one who knew vivian) were on a gap year in israel, i visited him on the kibbutz he was living on on a thursday night, and his friend gave us a ride to a bus station the next day to help us get to our shabbat destinations. the friend was headed on to visit friends at kibbutz be'eri, now destroyed, with over 10% of residents killed. i don't know if that man's friends survived.

another friend of mine, who was my coworker for several months when she was in the US last year, lived in metula in northern israel, on the border with lebanon. because of the war, she and many others are internally displaced within israel, because her home is not safe from rockets. recently, a mutual friend told me her house has been destroyed.

another friend of mine attended virtual synagogue with chaim katzman, a young man who spent time in the west bank protecting palestinian shepherds. when hamas fighters opened the closet he was hiding in to capture hostages, they shot him immediately, before taking hostage the women and children hiding in the closet with him.

in total, i have at least eight friends-of-friends who were killed on october 7th. the actual number is probably far higher, since i have a lot of friends in israel and many israelis lost people; but the eight is confirmed.

all of this to say: please understand when you're interacting with me and other jumblr bloggers that this is not theoretical to us. maybe to some of you, it's an academic excercise in seeing fanon's works in practice. maybe it's about decolonial theory and you might think "ah, well, decolonization is violent, what a shame but it was necessary." please remember it's easier to think that when you're not the one sitting at a shabbat lunch table with your mom's old friend who had to learn within the past few months that a woman she'd built movements with and was best friends with had been burned so badly she couldn't be identified for weeks.

i already know that people will believe the purpose of this post is to "generate consent for genocide" no matter what i say, but i'm going to say it anyway: nothing justifies genocide. nothing justifies the brutality that israel visits on the palestinian people. the people of gaza have gone through an order of magnitude more horror than what israelis have. the entire gaza strip is destroyed; people's homes, schools, mosques, orange orchards, everything. entire families have been killed with not a single surviving member. people have starved to death. people lack sanitation, menstrual products, and safe places to give birth. children are operated on without anesthesia. this is one of the greatest humanitarian crises of this century and it is israel's fault.

we need a ceasefire now; we needed a ceasefire yesterday; we needed a ceasefire months ago; we needed this never to begin. blowing up a child in gaza does not bring back vivian, it does not bring back chaim, it does not bring back my friend's cycling friends. it doesn't untraumatize the girl who waited hours to know if her brother was okay or the young family trapped for ten hours in their safe room. and i know for a fact that vivian and chaim would never have wanted this. not in their names, or at all.

so i am not posting this in an attempt to deny, minimize, excuse, or justify the genocide of the people of gaza, or to deny or excuse the nakba, the israeli raids in the west bank, settler violence, land theft both past and present, burning of olive trees, checkpoints and the restrictions on palestinian movement, the denial of right of return, and the fact that most palestinians do not have voting rights in the country that controls their lives.

i also understand that there are folks on here who have just as many personal connections to gaza -- or more -- than i do to israel. that it's deeply personal to them too, and they have watched as loved ones die, places they love and remember are bombed to dust, and people continue to minimize it, excuse it, or fight over semantics. i understand that this post will not land well for many of those folks, and that it will have activated people to hear me speak of nahal oz as a beautiful place i wanted to visit, because that land likely once belonged palestinian families, and was seized after its residents were herded into gaza during the nakba.

and.

people are human. humans deserve to live in safety. friends of humans who are harmed will feel pain, even if those friends lived on colonized land. i also live on colonized land, i am a settler. i live on the lands of indigenous peoples. when i looked up the nation whose land i live on, i can find information about their history but no information on where they went or whether they still exist. i don't know if they experienced a genocide and were all killed, or if they joined another people. i know i have never met any of them, and i live on their land.

and i'm not the only one. millions of people on this site are also colonizers of indigenous land. if you are not indigenous or Black, and you live in the US or Canada, you are every bit as complicit as my friends' dead friends in israel. your beautiful town is not morally better than nahal oz. you recognize yourself and your friends as people; you see their humanity.

i am beyond begging you to see the humanity of israelis, i think many of you can't. instead, this is my request:

remember, as you're doing your callouts, as you're describing me as evil and a person who needs to be blocked for the safety of your followers to i don't infect you or them with my evil:

i say and feel the things i do in large part from a traumatic event that occurred less than a year ago that i am personally connected to. please use what you know of trauma to understand that.

and then, if you can do that, maybe we can start to understand how trauma plays into why israel is the way it is; why trauma is actually the biggest player. so many of you have asked "how could a people who've been brutalized and oppressed brutalize and oppress another people?" my question: why would you expect that not to happen? trauma responses include fear, anger, aggression, compassion fatigue. when a population of descendants of refugees and genocide survivors, in a world that they believe to be out to get them, either supports or turns a blind eye to their government's atrocities, i am not surprised. saddened, but not surprised.

we then have to start asking: who enacted those traumas? when will we start to see the pain of both palestinians and israelis in light of the violence inflictated by far more powerful entities? by germany in the holocaust; russia and poland in the pogroms; swana arab countries in the persecution of jews post-WW2? who's at the top here? many of you are happy to believe it's jews pulling all the strings, but who set this in motion?

who denied jews safe haven before the holocaust, thus enabling this trauma to be inflicted in the first place? the US, and nearly all countries around the world. who restricted jewish immigration even post-holocaust, thus funneling huge numbers of jewish refugees into palestine, overwhelming the population even if israel had not been a colonial project? again, the US, and many other countries. who made double-promises and drew arbitrary lines in the region leading to decades of conflict? the UK.

who's funding this war? the US. Russia. Iran. don't be fooled that any of them care about israelis or palestinians. they have their own interests.

israelis and palestinians are the collateral damage in a horrible chess game that world powers have been playing for centuries. but they are not collateral damage, they are human beings, and their lives have value. collective liberation demands we look at the levels above the oppressor to see who is holding the strings, who put the puzzle pieces in place, who set off the levers and strings in a noxious rube goldberg machine that left nahal oz and be'eri in ruins and gaza destroyed almost beyond recognition.

my friends' little girls cowering in a safe room were never the enemy. chaim katzman hiding in a closet hoping the fighters would overlook it and leave him alive, or at very least capture him instead of kill him, was never the enemy. and they can't be; not if our goal is freedom and safety for everyone in israel/palestine. choosing who will dominate and who will be the oppressed minority in whatever comes next will not be the answer we need, and will not be liberation. just as zionism was not liberation. what can we build together, when this is all over?

what do we need to dismantle and destroy?

let's start with what we don't: homes. villages. cities. kibbutzim. orange trees. olive trees.

and who do we need to fight?

let's start with who we don't: the children.

[shelbgrey]

Hiiii!

Can i ask for a mark sloan x reader (kinda?) but mostly derek sheperd x reader (platonic)

She is younger than derek and she is his person and he is hers, it also helps that she never really had feelings or attraction to mark and always rejects him (maybe she likes someone else in the hospital?) and she is a major merder supporter

I love addison bit she had no right showing up to seattle the way she did💀

Being Derek Shepherd's person headcanons:

Paring: best friend!Derek x reader, Mark Sloan x crush!reader, love interest!Jackson Avery x reader

Summary: the reader is Derek's person and only wants Derek to be happy. Mark is in love with her, but she loves someone else.

A/n: sorry this is so short, I've just lost motivation to write this last few weeks

MasterList ML2

You just couldn't understand how or why this happened, Addison cheated on Derek and now you were following him to Seattle.

You didn't expect Mark to do this, let alone Addison, but you took Derek's side like you knew he'd do for you.

Derek has been your best friend for as long as you could remember, you guys go way back. To the point you knew each other as kids. You were in the same class as Amilea and that's how you met.

But you didn't become friends through her like you'd expect. Amilea was actually really mean to you growing up. Derek nor the rest of the family knew Amilea messed with you everyday at school.

Derek only found out because Amilea was forced to invite you and her whole class to one of her birthday party's. Derek saw Amilea pushing you around and immediately put a stop to it. Even mark helped a little. Then you guys had sorta been best friends ever since.

Anyway, you moved to Seattle and it actually brought you two closer. He bought a trailer to live in and you got an apartment close by. You guys are close but not close enough to live in cramped trailer with him.

You actually loved the fact he found someone new. Meredith seemed to understand Derek better and he seemed to smile more when she's around.

You and Meredith actually became very good friends and you even lived with her and your other intern friends for a while.

You couldn't stand it when Addison showed up, and she had no right to show up the way she did. It hurt you to see Derek in this position. He wanted to do the right thing so badly.

You were the only one he could genuinely open up to without being judged. If your not good with advice that's okay, he's just thankful your there to listen.

You and Addison did used to be good friends, and you'd be lying if didn't say she was like a big sister to you. You never peged her as a cheater, but here we are.

But even though you had Derek's back through thick and thin, it's wasn't hard for you and Addison to fall back into the routine of your old friendship.

But there has been a few times you've become a messenger or they'd use you against each other.

“Hey, don't shoot the messenger Shep” you said rolling your eyes after passing a message to Derek from Addison.

Then fucking Mark showed up...

He's always flirted with you and even though it seems genuine with you, I think it pisses him off you don't fall into his charms like other women do.

You've always known Mark liked you, but unfortunately you never felt the same way. You knew deep down he was a sweet person, but you only saw him as a close friend.

The last time you regected him was when he started the affair with Addison.

But it's always been you in Mark's eyes and it he can't help but be crushed. I wasn't about sleeping with you anymore, it was more than that. He wants to he the one to make you happy, protect you, and wake up with you every morning.

“what's wrong with me? What I wouldn't give to have y/n look at me the way Meredith looks at you” Mark told Derek one day.

Derek has always been over protective of you. When you were a kid he protected you from bullies now he feels he needs to protect you from certain people at the hospital.

Usually he'd be pissed given the circumstances Mark and him were once in, but he couldn't help but feel nothing but sympathy for Mark. He had seen the way he looked at you. It wasn't the lustful look he gave Addison, but actual love.

But Derek wasn't gonna help set you and Mark up. He knew you didn't love Mark and he wasn't about to put you guys in a relationship that wasn't genuine.

What really crushed Mark was when you started showing interest in Jackson Avery. It was huge mental battle because he cared about you both so much.

You didn't realize this, you thought everything was good between you and Mark. You'd never intentionally hurt him. As far as you were concerned you, Mark, and derek had become this amazing trio again.

What you did know is you never felt this way before until you met Jackson. He was kind to you from the start and honestly loved that fact you wanted to be around him because he was just being himself and you weren't choosing to be around him because he was an Avery.

He'll even listen to you drool over him. “Jesus, you might as well jump his bones right now” he joked.

You were usually the shy one, but you actually stated flirting with him first, which he found adorable. “why have a Harper Avery Award when I have an actual Avery to hang out with... Those awards don't have your eyes”

Derek was actually glad you found someone like Jackson. He loved seeing you smile more and just be more up beat.

“can't help it, he's sweet and funny... And have you seen those eyes?”

Mark did learn to move on and when he found lexi he couldn't help but notice things about you and Jackson he hasn't before.

Like he saw the sparkle in your eyes every time you looked at Jackson. Mark notices the way Jackson treats you and cares for you.

He relised he's thankful your happy and in a loving relationship. He's happy too now, so there's no since at being jealous now.

Everything seemed to be at peace now, you had Jackson, Derek and Meredith got married on a post-it note, Mark had lexi, and Addison went to work at a private practice.

[ki-irke]

Reader dated Derek in high school and got pregnant. She didn’t find out until after he left for college years later her daughter/son ends up in Seattle grace and mark know or knew

Derek shepherd x fem reader

You left me

Paring: Derek Shepherd x fem!reader

Summary: If you knew, that the father of your daughter is one of the surgeons at Seattle Grace, you would force her to choose another hospital.

Words: 1054

A/N: Sydney is a name for your daughter. I tried, okay?

You had a weird feeling that something was going to happen today.

Your daughter was going to be an intern at Seattle Grace, and it was her important day. Of course, you were a supportive mutter. She was dreaming about being a doctor, so you couldn't stop her.

A long time ago, you wanted to be a doctor too. And you find this man, named Derek, who had a similar dream to you.

You met in your biology lesson in high school. The teacher ordered a change of seats for the start of the new school year, and so Derek Shepherd became your good classmate. You were sitting in the back of the class, so you could chat a lot.

First, you become good friends. You werestudying together, sometimes you were meeting at lunch.

Then, you become somewhat like best friends. You started meeting at home and going out.together, going to a party together.

And finally, you become a classy couple.

Everyone liked you, and they cheered for you. You were happy. Everything was great; you were planning a future together, looking for college and some cute apartments.

And then he just left.

"What do you mean he left?" you asked Mrs. Shepherd, standing with her in their kitchen. She sighed and wiped her tear-stained cheeks. Mr. Shepherd was standing next to her, slowly drinking his alcohol, but he was visibly sad too.

"I'm sorry, Y/N." She passed me the note that Derek left.

'I'm leaving for college. DW about me. Tell y/n that I'm sorry.'

"How could he?" I started, but I stopped and just cried. Mrs. Shepherd moved to me and hugged me, letting me cry. Soon Mr. Shepherd came to us, and we were all just sitting in their kitchen, crying about their son.

And then it started.

Morning sickness, mood swings, and tiredness.

Pregnancy took you by surprise. You didn't want to be a single mom, but you kept the baby.

It was the only thing that kept you alive.

Your parents and Derek's parents helped you out, so you could give birth to a beautiful girl. And because of her, you let go of your medical dream.

And now you were sitting at home, feeling more anxious by the second. Your best friend, Bonnie, was sitting with you. You met her at a "course' for single moms. And it immediately clicked. Her son and your daughter are nowstarting their work as interns at Seattle Grace.

"Something is off, Bonnie," you said, sipping your tee.

"It's because your baby girl didn't text or call you yet." She smirked, looking at you.

"Don't make fun of me. They are at work, and you know how hospitals are."

"Yup. Craaazy," you nooded. "You want something stronger than a tee?"

"You know what? Fuck it," you said, loosening your hair. "Gimmie some beer or whiskey."

"And now it's getting better!"

You are much calmer now. You weren't drunk,

but alcohol kind of calmed you. And you have this amazing idea to come to Seattle Grace and talk to your friends. You knew Bailey, Cally, and most importantly, your other best friend, Mark. He knew you in high school and also knew about your kid. But still, he hadn't told Derek.

"So how's Sydney on her first day?" You asked while giving Mark his coffee.

"She's doing great. Make some new friends, you know."

"That's good. I was kind of scared, to be honest," I said, taking a sip of my coffee. "All morning, I had this weird feeling that something was going to happen."

"Maybe I know what it is," Mark said, stopping in his tracks. "Just don't be mad, okay?"

"Just tell me what it is, Mark."

"Soo," he started, looking at something behind my back. "Derek is here. And now I am taking your daughter."

"He's what?" I asked, a smile dropping from my face. I quickly turned around, just to see that Sydney was really talking to Derek. "He knows?"

"God, no, I'm not like that," he answered loudly, which made Derek turn around. He sent Mark a small smile. Sydney finally noticed me, and when she did, her smile grew bigger. She didn't say a word to Shepherd; she just ran to us.

"Hi mom, hi Mark," I smiled to her.

"Coffee?" She nodded, so I gave her my cup. "Jeez, you look good in that."

Sydney laughed. Derek slowly came to us but didn't say anything. I talked with her for a minute. Well, mostly she was talking. It was good seeing your kid this happy. But then her pager went on, and she sent me a sad look.

"Go, Sydney. You're at work, remember?" I asked, smiling. She nodded and kissed my check, then ran off.

And then there were just you three. You looked at Mark first and then at Derek, and you immediately knew that he recognized you.

"I think someone needs me right now," says Mark, trying to leave. "Yup, definitely someone needs one. Bye, Y/N!" He said he was quickly moving away from us.

"So, hi," Derek said, sending you one of his charming smiles.

"Your smile doesn't work on me anymore. Not after you left me," I said. He said this and ran his hand through his hair.

"Look, I'm sorry—" He started, but I was too angry to let him talk.

"Don't sorry, Derek, you left me with—" You paused. "You left me! We were supposed to go to college together, to get married, and to have a family together, but you just left me and didn't even say goodbye." You said that, feeling the tears in your eyes.

"Y/N, I—" He sighed. "Sydney. She's mine, right?"

"She would be, if you hadn't left me." You said it quietly, rubbing your eyes to wipe away the few tears that had fallen.

"I'm sorry, baby. I'm really sorry." He moved and hugged me tightly. "I know it was hard for you, but please, just give me one chance to try to fix this."

"You can't fix it." You said you were moving away from him. "But I can give you one chance. Just one." You added it, making him smile. Still, you smiled slightly.

"Thank God." He moved and kissed your forehead. "I'll fix this, I promise. I'll make a proper family with you". 

Maybe his charming smile was still working for you.

[countrymusiclover]

3 - A Sloan Date

Part 4

Feisty Coffee Girl

Running my fingers through my hair I chuckled nervously feeling my face turn red with the interns watching our interaction. “I guess I’m meeting you for the second time, Mark Sloan.”

My entire body had frozen at that moment. I reached into my pocket of my coat drawing out my phone. Scanning through my phone contacts I saw that the number had called me when I had picked up my daughter from school. “You've been blowing up my phone for almost two weeks.”

“I thought you would have called me back by now if you were interested and most people I’m with are typically interested when we first meet.” Mark responded to me shoving his hands inside his coat pockets.

Christina spoke up first behind us. “You know the Mark Sloan.”

“Not really. We only met one time when I worked at the coffee shop.” I corrected her statement before she assumed we had a long past together when we didn't.

Meredith raised a brow. “So how did you two meet?”

“He wanted a coffee and I gave him a scone recommendation. That was basically all.” I looked at the girl.

Izzie finally rounded the nurse desk grabbing me by the back of my jacket pushing me away from the coffee guy. “You listen here Mr. You stay away from her. She doesn't want anything to do with you!”

“Woah Iz dial it down a bit would ya. Nothing happened.” I pushed my way around her, not clear on what she was so pushy about. He was a guy that we were meeting for the first time. He couldn't wrong me from our first meeting.

Mark smiled at me, sending me a wink. “Don’t worry she'd have to let me take her on first before we could ever get serious.”

I felt my face turning red at his words and it only got deeper when our gaze locked onto the other. I didn't feel up to dating at the moment. I had my daughter to think about first and foremost before anybody else. “Mark, I'll at least take you up on your offer to buy me a drink.” I finally spoke towards the plastics surgeon.

“Y/n!” Izzie gasped in disgust.

Waving my hand at her I focused on Mark. “What time were you thinking or what time do you get off of work?”

“How about a quarter to never.” Izzir growled behind me.

Mark put his hands in the pockets of his dark pants. “I'd say around 7. Does that work for you?”

“That’s fine with me.” I replied back.

Someone cleared their throat behind him and we saw an older black guy standing before us. “Dr. Sloan can I see you in my office?”

“Sure chief. I'll see you tonight, feisty coffee girl.” Mark sent me a wink following him to his office on the next floor of the hospital.

Another doctor walks over to our group that had styled black hair and soft eyes that met in Meredith’s direction but says nothing for a few minutes. The man finally did say something to the group though. “So. Who’s the feisty coffee girl?”

“That would be me.” I raised my hand moving away from Izzie, extending my hand to the guy. “Y/n, Y/n Stevens .”

“Derek Shepherd. Nice to meet you. Uh I'm sorry but do you know the kid driving the wheelchair through the hospital?” Derek introduced himself before my eyes went wide, turning around on my feet.

I jumped backwards away from him when a wheelchair came running past us and I instantly saw my daughter being the one driving it through the hospital area. “Uh sorry but I have to go. I’ll see you later, Izzie. Eve!” Chasing after her it took me a good few minutes before I had caught up with her and we made our way home since I had to get ready for my date with a doctor.

“Why can’t I come with you?” Everly asked me eating her chicken bites that I had made for her in the oven.

Slipping on my tenna shoes I was standing in my bedroom with the door open so we could still talk. “Because where mommy is going tonight isn't a place for kids. Don't worry we will spend the whole day together tomorrow to make up for it.” I told my young child looking at myself in the mirror. I hadn’t been on a date in forever.

“I'll get it!” The doorbell rang with Everly opening it revealing Caroline who closed it behind her.

She sat her bag down searching for me. “Y/n, I want to see your outfit before the date tonight!”

“Does this look too simple? It feels too simple but we're just supposed to go out for drinks. I mean it isn't helping this is my first date since I had Eve basically but-” I was cut off with my best friend raising a hand.

She eyed my outfit, which was some ripped blue jeans and a light orange lace shirt that was short sleeved. I left my hair down where I had curled the ends of it to look slightly cuter. “You look cute and he clearly found you attractive in your work uniform so you shouldn’t have to worry.”

“Okay I’ll choose to believe you.” I smiled, calling my daughter over. “Everly!”

She ran over to me when I lowered myself down to a knee hugging her before I left for the evening. “Promise me that you will be super good for Caroline while I am gone.” She looped her pinky with mine and I did the same making our promise. The bar that we were meeting at was near my apartment building so I could just walk down there. Walking down a few different streets I entered the bar seeing Mark sitting at one of the bar tables.

“There’s my feisty coffee girl.” Mark smirked when I sat down on the barstool across from him sitting my bag on the edge of the table. His eyes scanned over me not dropping the smirk. “You look cuter than you did in your work uniform.”

I blushed, snorting out a laugh. “I would hope so, Dr. Sloan.”

“Dr. Sloan, you don’t gotta call me that when we aren’t in the hospital. We’re on a first name basis aren’t we?” Mark smiled with a waitress bringing over two shots of tequila.

Picking up the glass I corrected my last statement. “My bad, Mark. But if we’re on a first name basis, call me Y/n.” We both raised our shot glasses and downed the drink yet I scrunch my nose at the bitter taste not used to doing strong alcohol.

“You okay, Y/n?” Mark asked, seeing the reaction on my face.

Covering my face with my freehand sitting my glass down on the table. When I got pregnant with Eve I didn’t have my first real drink until the day she went to elementary school. “Sorry tequila ain’t my thing.”

“We can go for something lighter. I ain’t picky especially if we can meet up again.” He met my gaze, waving the waiter over to get some different shots for us. We had done about four or five different shots just talking about his job and my job.

I wasn’t sure if I could tell him about my daughter yet. Most of the time when I did guys pretty much didn’t call me back after the date or just left during the date. If it was just me and Eve for a few more years I’d be somewhat okay with that. “You really want a second date. I didn’t think a simple coffee shop girl would impress a plastic surgeon.”

“You’re not a simple coffee girl, Y/n.” Mark sat his glass down reaching for my freehand laying on the table intertwining his with mine. “There’s something about you that interests me.”

I blurted out the question feeling embarrassed the second I said it. “You aren’t just saying that so I’ll sleep with you?”

“I’ll prove it.” He responded quickly back.

A curious look crossed my face. “How ya gonna do that?”

“While we keep going out I won’t sleep with anyone else. I won’t even mention it unless you want me too. Does that seem fair?” Mark squeezing my hand waiting for my response.

Squeezing his hand in mine I agreed to the offer not knowing what I was getting myself and my daughter at some point into. “Sounds like an interesting challenge. I accept it.” The night ended with him walking me back to my building and nothing more.

Comments really appreciated ❤️

[horsetailcurlers2]

YET ANOTHER long and obnoxious stream of my thoughts while watching greys anatomy for the first time (S19 bc i’m finally caught up, babey!!!! (phew))

-i hope this new class of residents isn’t as one dimensional as the last one

-“you say please to bhokee!” hell yeah you do schmitt. (i love that she did say please he was just so ready to jump down her throat about it lmoa)

-DEREK’S NEPHEW ?????!!! WHICH SISTER? my money is on nancy bc i always thought she was the oldest so she would have the son old enough to be out of med school

-okay i’m too curious (for some reason i’ve always just been curious about the shepherds) so i’ve gone back to S15E21 (good shepherd) to see if i could get a better look at nancy’s wall of family photos. i see one of nancy with a young curly haired girl, kathleen with a light haired child, and two photos that are just groups of kids. my assumption is that these two are all of nancy’s kids because if she had photos of her nieces and nephews i feel like they would include their parents. both photos show two boys and two girls. it looks like the same four kids just at two different ages. the oldest (or at least the tallest) in both photos is a boy with dark hair. this may support my theory that nancy is lucas’s mother. the rest of the photos aren’t very clear. the only thing is that all of the kids look very fair and lucas is not. they also clearly wrote this episode way after they shot the scene with amelia looking at the photos so they may have not even bothered with details that were meant to be sort of irrelevant at the time.

-okay this is a very tragic story with (griffin??? griffith??) and makes her lateness and weirdness understandable but am i the only one who thinks it’s insanely bizarre to be sharing your tragic life story to your superior on your first day?

-idk about this season yet. i feel them trying to sort of mirror season one in some ways, focusing more on the interns (which i think i like), trying to connect back to old characters, but it feels a *little* forced so far

-i like mean and snappy teddy

-have we ever seen this library before?

-“i tried to implement similar changes at various times and was always met with resistance” ???? when did bailey try to implement those changes to the residency program? she implemented changes but they for sure weren’t these ones

-why is it better for them to think he’s sleeping with her????? jfc lucas

-ADDISON LOOKS SO HOT. i like this costuming for her. very reminiscent of her private practice wardrobe

-i really like baileys braids this season btw. and i like that she has a special scrub cap that can cover them all

-lucas’s dad is from barbados. idk what to do with that but it is another clue lmao. if nothing else, i’m hooked on this season just to find out who his mother is

-no comment on the dancing

-helm looks really cute as a bartender

-owen when teddy isn’t super happy and content with him after he fucked them over and put their children’s well-beings at risk: 😯

-addison and tom should have met

-oh my god just tell them you’re a nepo baby!! they think you’re fucking your aunt!

-it made complete sense to bring addison back for this storyline. i hope they explore it a little more and keep bringing her back.

-i’m so confused about lucas’s whole complex. wouldn’t he have grown up with his dad’s last name anyway? why has this been an issue “all his life”??? and until he went to med school i doubt anybody even knew the significance of him being a shepherd

-what planet is owen living on where he thinks they would let him be chief again rn

-i can see myself shipping mike chang and mary queen of scots once they develop their characters a bit more. simone and lucas i like in theory but idk about the chemistry

-“i am not going to beg you to love me” good meredith bc that didn’t work out so well the first time u did it

-intern house is back!!! i really like that actually

-a full time administrative assistant is completely reasonable. richard had patricia when he was chief

-looking very hot for having just been hit by a car

-winston definitely had a point at first but at this point he’s pissing me off. it’s reminding me of that big meredith and cristina fight in the sense that it feels like he’s deliberately taking everything she’s doing and saying in the worst possible way.

-richard and addison’s dynamic is so underrated

-this is incredibly random but it just popped into my head. it’s so weird that amelia has never brought up her friend michelle on greys. you know, her friend from pp that committed suicide bc she had huntingtons which ultimately kickstarted amelia’s relapse. i feel like it could have been relevant to a few cases

-pru is so fucking cute

-so many people keep leaving i don’t really have a reaction to it anymore. but i will very much miss maggie. ik a lot of people don’t like maggie (prob bc they thought she was trying to fill the spaces that lexi and cristina left behind) but i really liked her. i think i found her very relatable in a lot of ways. even/especially when she was a little annoying lol

-why is this guy specifically requesting bailey? (not that she’s not great at her job it just has suspicious vibes) is he one of the anti choice harassers? nervous for that especially since addison is here so i feel like it will be about that storyline

-jesus christ i knew it. bc it’s so “pro life” to threaten a child!!!!!! go kwan though. and teddy!

-JUJU!!!

-yasuda x helm <3

-cristina mention !!!!

-i really like that there’s no intern/attending relationships lately

-i’m doubling down on thinking lucas is nancy’s bc i think if he has adhd, kathleen likely would have noticed bc she’s a psychologist. obviously it’s possible she wouldn’t have, everyone has blind spots but i think this makes the most sense still. and ik he could still be liz’s but i’m still unsure on if the ages work out and i think they were banking on which actress would be more likely to make an appearance later on and neve campbell is less likely to come back than the others.

-uggh why do i HATE simone’s wedding dress.

-omg i’m a terrible person i didn’t realize it was her late mother’s. i’m so sorry the fit of it just looks off

-i wonder how they’re going to ruin/derail this wedding? they’ve already done leaving at the altar, objections, elopements. maybe the twist is that she actually goes through with it?? or they’ll just be boring and so the same thing they’ve done before

-i like that they still call it “joe’s” even though we never see joe anymore

-winston is getting on my nerves. he always starts off having a point and then he gets all immature and petty about it

-dude that is not how a DNR works

-aww yay for bailey

-side note amelia looks great

-TEDDY!!!

[bastardrobocop]

not being funny, not being melodramatic i hope, but i feel like the last year has broken me in a lot of ways. 2023 i mean. i watched a long term relationship disintegrate in my hands until the ultimate betrayal of my trust and safety. i was so stressed and so fucked up all the time.

and now like, i can feel im withdrawing from my friends, im engaging in unhealthy behaviors i will not specify here, despite it all im more lonely than ive ever been, my hobbies are starting to feel like dust in my mouth, and while i'm not actively suicidal, the thought isnt far from my mind in that nasty intrusive thought sort of way.

there are nice things. i have the place to myself. the bed to myself. its quiet. but i feel like ive exhausted the amount of patience people have with me talking about what ive gone through. and as is the nature of things i dont feel as though ive built character or come through hardened. i feel mad. hurt. i want to hurt xer back somehow. take something back because something was taken from me. i feel like i have no recourse. god knows if xe'll hurt someone like xe hurt me again. but thats not even my primary motivation. i just hate feeling like theres nothing. no justice. no satisfaction. nothing that makes being raped a more tolerable experience, which is a silly thing to say. but you understand, right? like, sure i could post somewhere highly visible "In December of 2023 well known SCP Wiki author UraniumEmpire sexually assaulted me" but like what would that accomplish? it sure would put me under a microscope. its a surreal sentence too. hard to explain why. maybe its ultraminor celebrity combined with knowledge that inevitably it can just be denied and nobody will listen.

you know before now i never really noticed how much people fetishize sexual assault? "CNC" and the like. i dont care for it. i dont think they know. its frustrating as an adult online trying to navigate adult spaces. i know its an odd topic, but im fully stream of consciousness right now. i'll see something and it hits me in the gut and so i block the user or close the thing or leave the discord call. yet another addition to the list of things that make my tastes so exacting.

i feel like i should come to some overall point but the only thing coming to mind right now is just 'i hate this'. and i do. i hate this so much. i'm crying a lot more. at stupid things. weird things. memories. dreams. this post. the funny thing is that despite it all, despite the content, despite everything, i hope people read it. i like feeling like i exist. i like feeling real to other people. reminding folks that im not just a joke machine. i have an internal world. i have had a life that's lead me here and despite advantages it has not been good.

did i ever talk about how my high school graduation went? odd digression, bear with me. i feel like its emblematic of how things typically go for me. it's the day i graduate high school. i come downstairs to find my mother on skype with my kansas family. my grandfather is dying. they put him on skype. i watch him die over skype. after sitting alone for some time, i tell my parents i do not want to go through with high school graduation. i am forced to regardless. it is the most miserable day of my life. nobody listens to what i need in the moment. i go through with it, and then we are all shepherded to some kind of entertainment center. for reasons i cannot fathom, we are not allowed to leave for a couple hours. enforced fun time. they bring a stage hypnotist. i sit in silence and watch his antics. i get up and ask one of the people supervising us if i can leave now. they finally say yes. my mother takes me home. she asks if i have a nice time. i say of course i didnt. we drive home in silence.

i have have very rarely felt understood. very rarely felt like i was built to exist in the world. i feel as though i have an expiration date beyond the obvious one. i have grown older and watched people i know operate normally in the world and wondered how they do it. it never clicked for me. autism, transness, otherings. experts looked at me, told me i needed accommodations. never really got them, or they didnt help.

this is getting too long. i asked myself partway through if this was a suicide note but concluded that it wasn't. this is primarily because im scared if i die, they'll separate my cats. adopt them to different homes. they're best friends, they should not be kept apart. i love my cats, even when they're breaking shit and tearing open trash bags.

final paragraph. this whole post thing is probably going to sound embarrassing to me when i have hindsight on it. oh well. i am going to hit the post button now.

[she-karev]

Signs and Secrets

Age Rating: 12+

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy

AN: Hey guys so I had to rearrange my posts which means deleting the first draft of this and reposting it. I'm still on the fence on whether I should change my fancast to Victoria Pedretti. Your opinion matters and the poll will be up for the next five days so if you haven't voted hurry and click!

Summary: Amber works at the clinic when a roller coaster crashed while her intern friends gossip and speculate over who she’s dating.

Words: 3781

After about 3 hours with Darcy we were able to confirm she had a badly bruised spine but not torn. We explained this to Darcy and her parents in the patient room where we moved her and fitted her with a spinal halo. Her dad is deaf and her mom is hearing and are by her side anxious over her diagnosis.

“The good news is that her spine is intact.” Andrew explains as Jerry interprets for them, “The MRI showed no visible injury and the exam went great. Her spinal cord is badly bruised though due to the stampede and she’ll need physical therapy to regain full function.”

“For how long?” The dad asks and Jerry interprets.

“We would need our chief of neuro Dr. Shepherd to confirm but all in all it looks like she’ll regain strength over the next few days and in a couple of weeks she should be back on her feet and ride that rollercoaster in no time.”

Darcy signs no, “At this point I’ll settle for a night in watching Netflix.”

“How long does she have to wear this thing on her head?” Her mom asks.

“Her spine is still healing from the bruises so we’re gonna keep her for observation over the next 7 days and if her spine continues to improve we should get it off at day 5.” I explain to them. The dad looks at us gratefully and signs as Jerry interprets.

“Thank you both so much. I can’t tell you how afraid I was thinking she wouldn’t be able to tell you what’s wrong and you wouldn’t understand but she got lucky to have two people who know sign like you.”

“Well actually it was all Dr. Karev.” Andrew explains causing me to feel flustered, “She noticed your daughter trying to communicate and thanks to her we were able to treat Darcy and let her know what was happening.”

“Thank you, Dr. Karev.” The mom says, “I can’t tell you how refreshing it is to have a doctor who learned my baby’s language.”

“Of course, I’m glad I could help.” I turn to Dr. DeLuca for further instructions.

“Right well I’m gonna check to see if Dr. Shepherd is available to look at Darcy’s films, Dr. Karev will be here to monitor.” DeLuca explains and the dad signs.

“Um he’s asking if they can go pick up their son from school so he can be here as well.” I interpret.

“Yeah sure we’ll take good care of Darcy you can go and the nurse will take you up when you come back.” The parents sign bye and love you to Darcy and leave the room. DeLuca clears his throat and turns to me, “Dr. Karev, I trust you can take care of Darcy.”

“Absolutely Dr. DeLuca you can count on me.” He nods and leaves the room. I readjust the halo when Dahlia walks in catching me off guard.

“Hey.” She walks in with a tablet, “The chief wanted me to check on the deaf teenager to make sure she’s being taken care of.”

“She’s good we’re good I know sign language so I was able to keep her from being restrained like a prisoner.” I explain as I look at the screws, “Now I am making sure the halo is put in place and Dr. DeLuca is out getting Dr. Shepherd for a consult.”

“Okay great, that’s great.”

Darcy asks me, “Who is she?”

“Oh right sorry.” I stand back and sign, “Darcy this is Dr. Qadri she’s here to check on you and make sure your okay.”

Darcy raises her eyebrow, “She’s here to make sure I don’t sue them for tying me down you mean?”

“Yeah.” I nod, “We are so sorry for that and I promise it felt necessary due to fear of causing paralysis and when I realized what was happening, I stopped them immediately.”

“I guess that’s what I get for going out and getting hurt.” Darcy says bitterly, “You know when your on a rollercoaster deaf it feels so much more scary. Although I guess it’s even more scary when you can’t hear a rollercoaster falling off the tracks. I bet it must have looked cool.”

I chuckle as Dahlia looks at her vitals and puts them on her tablet, “Well I wouldn’t know the closest to a roller coaster accident I got was Final Destination 3. And you know I was thinking about checking out the carnival this weekend but now I’m just gonna spend the night in.”

“Well, if you want a ride with your doctor boyfriend I suggest the Great Wheel.” I pause and look at her shocked by her speculation that DeLuca is my boyfriend, “It’s totally safe and it’s slow and intimate so you two can make out while overlooking the whole city.”

I chuckle nervously and Dahlia looks at me confused and I clear my throat. I turn to Darcy and sign without speaking so I don’t give anything away to Qadri, “What makes you think Dr. DeLuca is my boyfriend?”

Darcy narrows her eyes like it was so clear, “Oh please it is so obvious especially to me. Even when I was afraid, I wouldn’t walk I could notice the eyes you made at each other. It was like you were mentally undressing each other.”

I shake my head flustered and continue signing, “I don’t know where you get that idea, he and I are coworkers that’s all.”

Darcy grins amused, “I observe people closely because I have to and I learned to read body language as a result. The body language you two were showing was ‘I want to take your clothes off and take you right here and now’ I guess this is a secret and your afraid your friend will interpret me.”

I look to Qadri to see if she understands but she’s looking at her tablet and looks up at me confused, “What is it?”

I exhale in relief, “Nothing are you done with your notes?”

“Yeah, I should keep going God knows the chief is gonna get after me for slowing things down. See you later.”

Qadri leaves and I go back to conversing with Darcy, “You know you’re a lot smarter than my friends here and they have medical degree’s. They couldn’t figure out in two weeks what you figured out in two hours bravo.” I wave my hands to applaud her and she smiles proudly.

“Just so you know.” Darcy signs, “He is really cute.”

I grin cooly, “He is although he could keep it down with the staring for the next super observant deaf kid we treat.” Darcy grins, “And he’s not my boyfriend, we’re just having fun.”

Darcy grins mischievously, “He looks fun. Which means you should put a label on it before someone else comes along and takes him for a rollercoaster ride.”

I laugh at her innuendo just as DeLuca walks in with Shepherd, “Hey I see I made it in time for comedy hour, what are we joking about?”

I look at Andrew with a grin and respond, “Nothing just some funny youtube videos where the cat juggles a melon. Dr. Shepherd I already adjusted her halo and the nurses gave her a painkiller.”

Shepherd nods, “Okay let’s see what we got here.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After about 12 hours of suturing in the pit and treating burns, I lean against the brick wall of the tunnel sitting on the gurney next to Helm with Casey taking up most of the space and the others occupying the gurney next to us. Right after Dr. Grey won the Harper Avery award like we all predicted we went to the tunnel to rest and reminisce on our day. The six of us are exhausted and about ready to sleep the day away. I’m so tired I’m not even mad that most of them got to assist and I didn’t even Roy which would blow my top off if I wasn’t trying to keep my eyes open.

“This day was epic.” Casey says with tired joy.

“I’m so tired I can’t feel my teeth.” Schmitt says as he rubs his eyes.

“I almost stitched my finger to a person.” I chuckle at Helm who looks at me offended, “At least I saw an O.R. before you She-Karev what do you say to that?”

“I say.” I decide to sign so she won’t understand, “Next time I’ll hurt you just for the chance to fight over your surgery.” I grin at her confused face.

“What is that?” Helm asks.

“Yeah she speaks sign language.” Dahlia explains as she cricks her neck.

Helm scoffs, “Of course you do, is there anything you can’t do?”

“When I figure it out I’ll let you know.” I say smugly and they chuckle when Dr. Grey and Alex enter the tunnel carrying a champagne bottle and cups.

“Scram.” Grey tells us causing them to stand but I stay since I assume sister’s are allowed.

“Yeah you heard her, scram. This is our beach.” They all walk away and Alex turns to me and rains on my parade, “You too get out.”

I look at Alex taken back, “Wha-I’m your sister!”

Alex grins, “Exactly now scram.” I groan in annoyance but do what he says and catch up with the others who look at me amused.

“I guess baby sisters aren’t allowed in the adults table.” Roy makes fun causing me to punch him in the arm.

“Whatever it’s just champagne in a tunnel if I wanted a night like that I would’ve never left Manhattan.”

Casey yawns, “So how does Dahlia know you speak sign?”

“I had a young patient come in with a bruised spine she’s deaf and I was there. I took it as a language requirement in pre med. I figured I could use my hands for something other than saving lives and Roy! I know what your gonna say and if you make a quip about my hands being used for other things I will punch you.”

Roy scoffs amused, “Oh please you don’t have the balls.” I turn around fast and make a motion to punch him in the face causing him to squeal and back away as I grin at his reaction and continue walking. The others laugh at the scene.

“Remind me which one of us has balls?” I grin maliciously as we enter the locker room.

“So you sing, you know sign language and your related to Alex Karev.” Casey lists as I lay on the bench, “Why is it we know all these things about you and yet we don’t know who your sleeping with.”

I groan, “I thought you didn’t care Parker I was rooting for you to be less annoying than the rest of them.”

Casey shrugs, “That was this morning now I’m exhausted and interested is it Major Hunt?”

I chuckle at the irony. I saw the guy naked this morning and he’s not the one I’m sleeping with, “No because the guy is a freaking dinosaur and he’s my boss and I have self-respect.”

“Is it Avery?” Helm asks and I glare at her, “Oh come on don’t pretend you don’t find him hot we all do.”

“Then why don’t you get your freak on with him if you find him delicious?”

“He’s not my type.” Helm opens her locker, “Schmitt are you still convinced it’s Eddie?”

Qadri snorts and says under her breath, “Oh please you all are oblivious.”

They look at her confused over not hearing her, “What was that?” Helm asks causing Dahlia to realize she said something and stammers.

I stand up and go to my locker inputting my combo as she speaks, “U-Um you know my second cousin is deaf.” I freeze at the second set of numbers over this new information but continue to appear cool.

“Really?” Schmitt looks at her confused.

“Y-Yeah she bet me a new headscarf I could learn the language in one month.” I pale at this and take my water bottle out staying quiet, “I lost but I learned a few words especially the dirty ones those stuck out to me the most.”

I clear my throat after I take a sip of water, “That’s uh that’s interesting very interesting to learn right now.”

Dahlia grins knowingly, “Well there’s a lot of things we don’t know about each other but you know that better than anyone right She-Karev?” Her look confirms she was able to interpret mine and Darcy’s conversation and I keep a cool head.

“Are you working tonight?” I ask.

“Yep.” Dahlia confirms and I nod.

“Me too I guess I’ll see you out there.” I quickly leave the room without saying a word to anyone and wait outside the hall for Dahlia to come out and she did. I approach her and cut to the chase, “How much did you interpret?”

Dahlia smiles at my worry, “Which part? The part where she called DeLuca your boyfriend or the part where she could tell you guys were having mind sex in front of her? Because I got both of those if you want to know.”

I sigh in despair, “Great I could’ve taken Russian but no I decided to be of use for the deaf community.”

Dahlia smiles, “Well if it makes you feel better this blows my Lin Manuel Miranda theory out of the water. How did this happen? Was it a quickie in the on-call room or did you gaze at his sultry green eyes in the ER and decided to declare your love for him out in the rain with Ed Sheeran in the background.”

I roll my eyes, “Okay first you watch way too many Nancy Meyers movies second this happened a few months ago way before I even got hired and it has continued ever since and thirdly I will allow for one more question before scaring you into keeping silence so make it count.”

Dahlia thinks for a moment, “Is he good?” I chuckle at her, “Because he looks like he’d be good.”

“Okay my three orgasms a night are none of your business.”

Qadri’s eyes widen, “Three times?! You’re kidding or you miscounted that can’t be possible.”

I whisper, “The other night it was almost four.”

Qadri chuckles at my good fortune, “That man is a medical marvel.”

I sigh in lust, “He really is. Now for the intimidation if you-”

“Amber.” Qadri interrupts me, “You don’t have to worry, I promise I won’t tell anyone about you and DeLuca if you don’t want me to. It’s none of my business and it was just fun gossip this morning that’s all. I mean I’ve seen Gossip Girl I know how brutal it can be.”

I see that she’s genuine and decide to let her off the hook, “All right I guess I can trust you to keep this a secret.”

“I know it probably doesn’t mean much but in my opinion. It’s not as embarrassing as you think.” I raised an eyebrow at her, “It was shocking but then I got over it and it seemed normal. Except for the four orgasms that is just crazy.” I chuckled with her, “Honestly, it’s a lot more ethical than if you slept with Hunt or Avery. Their frogs and we’re egg masses yeah but DeLuca he’s a tadpole so it’s just one shift up the cycle. You have nothing to be ashamed of in my opinion.”

I exhale and look at her grateful for her advice, “People are already underestimating me as Karev’s baby sister I don’t want to give them more reason by opening my bedroom door. I mean guys get away with this but we don’t.”

“You’re preaching to the choir honey.” Qadri agrees, “Okay so I guess your secret is safe with me.”

“Thank you, Dahlia.” I say with a grin.

“So…I guess that makes us friends then.” Dahlia quips with a hopeful smile and I shake my head at her giddiness.

“Well see. Good night.” I turn to walk away from her and I see DeLuca by the nurse’s station rubbing his tired eyes but he sees me giving a grin and he grins too walking by my side.

He greets me in a doctor voice, “Dr. Karev.”

“Dr. DeLuca.” I respond with equal disinterest.

We stop outside the on-call room and he holds the door for me, “After you Dr. Karev.”

“Thank you, Dr. DeLuca.” As soon as he closes the door, we go at each other like animals.

I curl my fist around his wavy hair as we kiss and he picks me up and puts me on top of the drawer chest causing me to chuckle. I continue to kiss him and take his lab coat off; he does the same with my scrub top leaving me in my black bra. I run my hands under his shirt and pull it off quickly. We continue to explore each other with our lips and hands for several moments until I speak up at the worst possible time.

“I’m not embarrassed to be seen with you.” DeLuca pauses kissing the back of my ear and pulls back looking at me confused.

“Is there a reason you’re telling me this when I have you half naked on top of furniture?”

“Listen.” I straighten up and put my hands on his broad shoulders to steady myself, “People look at me and automatically assume I don’t work my way to success. They think I use my looks or amazing skills in bed just to get by, it’s been that way since I first hit puberty. It’s amplified more here because the second I walk into a patient room the family hopes I’m the nurse.” Andrew sighs and puts his hands on my hips listening albeit annoyed I cut our powwow short, “And I get how you don’t assume that but you know things about me that they don’t. You know I worked myself to death to get out of foster care and into state school with no help at all. You know I didn’t use my brother’s name to get an interview here but they don’t know that. I mean they’re gossiping about which attending I’m screwing for surgeries including Hunt which is ironic since I saw him naked this morning with your sister.”

Andrew groans in disgust and pulls his hands away from my body, “And the endorphin high is at a crashing stop thanks for that.” Andrew sighs and looks at me in sympathy, “I get that it’s demeaning to say the least that all those interns look at you and your DNA and assume that your…”

“A brainless slut?” Andrew looks at me in pity over how I described myself.

“No, you’re not and you shouldn’t let them get to you. I mean if they knew all the things you had to go through, they would eat their words over how wrong they were about you.” I look at him touched as he continues, “I mean you helped a deaf little girl tell us what was wrong with her. Your friends probably would have tightened her restraints more and not notice what was right there but you did and…that makes you way better than them in my opinion.”

I look at him in gratitude over how he compliments my bedside manner and I finish my statement, “I’m not embarrassed by you or shamed of you it’s just…what we have is private and I don’t want them to gawk or make fun of it. They would think I’m using you to get revenge for my brother and that you’re sleeping with me to spite Alex but they don’t know us. I don’t care about their opinions but I do care about the reputation I want to establish here.” Andrew looks at me attentively, “You have a different pedigree than me so you don’t know how addict parents and violent brothers can damage your image in the world at the age of 2. I went to private school on scholarship and…the guys assumed I was an easy project girl.” Andrew’s face shifts to pity, “All the girls hated me because I fitted my skirt more than them and they thought I was stealing their boyfriends when they saw me bump into them and…I swore I would never go through that again. I know it isn’t fair to you but it’s all about me not you I promise.”

“Amber that’s terrible.” Andrew brushes my hair back over my shoulder, “I didn’t know that and I was afraid it was because you were embarrassed of me but hearing your story, I get it now. I know how hard it is to get away from your past and make a name for yourself, it’s what I did with my dad and I see that in you too.” Andrew cradles my face in his hands and I look at him with affection, “If you don’t feel comfortable telling people about us, I’ll respect that I just…I just want to know I’m not another shameful secret of yours.”

I sigh and run my hands over his torso, “You’re not if anything you’re the best secret I have ever kept.” Andrew smiles and resumes kissing me this time it’s slow and sensual and he picks me up again putting me on the single bed. I lay under him and moan as he resumes kissing my collar bone and I stroke his back as we sink into each other. I groan and pull him back so I could ask him something else.

Andrew pulls back annoyingly and looks at me, “What is it?”

“Um…are we dating?” He looks at me surprised by my question, “It’s just that we never put a label on it and we’ve only gone out in public like twice so I just want to know if this is gonna die when you realize I am too much of a mess to handle or get tired of my sexpertise.”

Andrew grins at my joke and responds, “Well one I already knew straight off the bat you were gonna be a mess from how our first date went and I handled that spectacularly if you recall. Second I will never get tired of your sexpertise the three orgasms are evidence enough. And third yeah I like to think we are dating, is that the answer you were hoping for?”

I grin, “Yeah it actually was.” Andrew grins at me, “Okay no more interruptions I promise now come here.”

DeLuca exhales, “Thank god.” He kisses me and I moan in pleasure with us content in each other’s company.

[kcowgill]

Not even my picture, but here I am driving my wife to the train station a few days ago (traffic was way too bad to take her to the airport) on her way to Berlin to run the marathon (which as some of you may know was today).

Next weekend she’ll be running the London marathon, and probably like today she’ll have finished before I wake up. I had written up a training plan to specifically get her ready for back to back marathons, let’s see how well it prepped her!

Meanwhile I’m holding down the fort with the 2 kids and three dogs for a couple weeks. The kids have been helping out with the dogs outside of school hours, so that’s been good. But otherwise I have just been so. dang. busy.

Wake up, deal with the dogs, deal with the kids, get ready for work. Work work work. One or two dog breaks. New guys. New intern. Lack of “institutional knowledge” amongst the newer guys so still leaning on me to fill in the gaps. Works done, now eat. This is also a chore - I’m too busy to shop or cook. Takeout/delivery works but is a little pricey. But worth it. More dog walking. Relax a bit to watch TV with the kids, oops now it’s the kids bedtime. Walk the dogs again. Collapse and fall asleep only to repeat the next day.

Gearing up to hire more people, someone overseas - likely London, maybe Singapore in the not too distant future.

And I’m gaining weight which I’m super not happy about. I really have to do something about that.

I think I have to pay the dog tax, so here I am on a walk with all three.

Apollo is now bigger than Boomer. A few weeks ago at the groomer they had a scale, and Apollo weighed the same as Boomer. Since Apollo’s only nine months old now he’s likely to keep growing for a bit. I think his German Shepherd ancestry(?) is driving his size. I also went camping two weekends in a row. I guess those should be separate posts.

[reinelefey]

Being born was something that almost didn't happen for me. Something I've been reminded of all of my life.

My mother was sixteen, rebelling against her parents, acting out when they ignored her reports of what he brother and his friends did to her. Never getting therapy, never knowing how to handle what happened to her, she is hypersexual. She wants to feel worth something. She sleeps with five men, some far older than her, and hopes it will be enough. It isn't.

Instead, it is the beginning of me. Conceived in a back country road, to a woman who claimed she didn't know she was pregnant until 8 weeks before my birth. A lucky stroke she says to me often, as her parents wanted her to abort me. (Some days, I still wish she had. I didn't ask to be in this world, and given the evidence, I'm not sure the world asked for me, either.)

She didn't. And thus began the first battle for the custody of myself. My grandparents pitted against my mother. The legal system biased toward the birthgiver means I miss out on the early childhood I could have had. Instead I am left with my mother as she bounces from man to man, home to home. She loved me, then, for what it was worth. I was a little model for JC Penny, I was always lauded for my behaviour, my intelligence, my ability to read at a young age.

My grandparents had visitation. I got to see them two weekends a month, and I never knew anything different. They always asked me about the handprints on my body, the red marks, the bruises. I demurred. I was an active, clumsy child! I broke my arm playing with a ball in a soft ground horse field! I bumped into things, I fell off things. Never the truth. Never telling how I was disciplined. Never telling about the things I witnessed. The things I was made to do.

The first stepdad I remember owned his own company. John, he was called. He owned a house,- beautiful red brick, large yard, long curved driveway- my mother's dream house. We had a dog called Thor, and many cats. He beat my mother after I went to bed, and taught me to call her names. I can imagine now how jarring it is for a four year old to call you a dirty bitch.

The next one helped us escape him. He had baggage. A dead daughter, an ex wife, an anger problem he took out on his truck at the time. A habit of forcing a five year old to take him in hand, and give him pleasure. Robert was his name. He saved my mum, but introduced me to my first hell.

I started school around now. I began as the weird kid, and remained that way for the rest of school. I couldn't be friends with girls. I tried. I couldn't understand the internal politics. Boys were easier. We lived in an apartment when the stepdad who married my mum, and forced me to watch porn was arrested for killing his other daughter. The one before me. The one who said no.

We returned to living with his mother, my own mother discounting what I told her about what he had done to me. And then? Then she found James.

We moved into a house. My bedroom at the end of the hall, theirs at the other end. If I lied, I was made to bite the soap, when I cursed I was made to drink a tablespoon of Tabasco, after I held it in my mouth until I cried. (I got good at making myself cry.)

Wall sits, eight count body builders, standing in the corner for hours, getting beaten if I look away... James was an ex army Ranger. He'd been in desert storm, and my mum tried to convince me he was my real dad. (Thank god she lied.) He made me call him daddy, and then he took my innocence.

Then I got Bear. Bear was my rottweiler/German Shepherd mix. He was the most loyal dog I've ever had, and slept at my door every night. James suffered several bites. He never told my mum. We moved many times with him. Tennessee, where I walked 4 miles to school in the first grade because my mother didn't want to drive me, and the bus didn't come to the tenement we lived in.

Then to Texas where James raped a 13 year old girl. And got her pregnant. My mum knew, and STAYED with him. I knew my mother wouldn't believe me, if she didn't believe the girl who had his baby, so, I kept my secrets, and took enough Benadryl not to remember when he made me leave the dog outside for the night. My mother had his baby, too. But she still wasn't ready to be a mother. She left me with the newborn, a seven year old, and left to play cards with the neighbour. She still denies she did this, to this day. I can't count the amount of times I collapsed to my knees, begging him to stop crying because I just didn't know what to do.

He had asthma. But it wasn't diagnosed until he almost died. That's why he cried so much. His little lungs HURT. But what did a seven year old know??

At eight, my mum was pregnant again, and we had to run again. This time to Arizona. It may be the only time in my childhood that I was happy. We were only there a few months, before she dragged us back to him in Texas again.

We lived in a cabin, off the grid, even the water was rain water. The beatings, and other things, got worse. I began to hide in the acres of woods around the home. It was me and my dog, and the woods.

When we escaped again, I was nine. We made it to Florida, to my grandparents. The person I was before had been broken. But still, I tried to be who they asked.

Then the towers happened, and my mum got scared she'd die alone. And she decided to move across the country to meet a man who she'd met online. A man who already didn't have custody of two of his kids, a man who drank, lived with his mother, and a man whose family hated me, and my half siblings. I was tortured by this woman. Not allowed to play during the summer, not allowed to go outside. Forced to read and write reports on books I had zero interest in, and if I failed to produce, I'd have my hands hit with a yardstick.

We moved to a trailer with him, and me, four other kids, and a dog. Anything the younger kids did wrong, I was punished for, as "THEY COULDN'T HAVE POSSIBLY DONE IT, THEY'RE BABIES!"

There were not babies, dear reader. One was six. I was barely nine. The abuse continued. I learned to wear several pairs of underpants, so that it hurt less when I got hit. I learned that hiding in the crawlspace in my closet meant a while of peace and quiet, at least, until I came down. The beatings were worse for hiding, but I still climbed up, and immersed myself in Artemis Fowl, Harry Potter, the Gemma Doyle trilogy. Stories of magic, escape, freedom. Stories of all of the things I dreamed of having.

Things came to a head when the children stole food while I was at school, and my "parents" slept in until 2:30 in the afternoon. A solid oaken canoe paddle was broken across my back, hips, and thighs that night. They saw the bruises at school, and finally I saw a light at the end of the tunnel. My grandparents brought me to Florida the march before I turned 10, and I thought things would change.

They didn't though. Not enough...

But that's a story for another day when I've got enough in me to deal with the pain of remembering.

[erintoknow]

Rivka Abrams was not surprised when the fire alarms went off. Nor was she surprised when the explosion rocked the Praxis Laboratory three seconds later, having already braced herself against the wall. No doors blew open, no glass shattered. A quick mental scan of the lab’s inhabitants revealed two dozen panicked and evacuating employees.

The health and well being of each were subsequently confirmed using the internal security cameras, accessed through the AR implant in her artificial left eye.

That was a disappointment. The lives of a few lab coats were more than a fair trade for the advantage such a tragedy would provide her argument in both the public media and in the Praxis boardroom. That had been the whole point of steering security away while she puppeteered the saboteurs inside.

Trust a bunch of tech phobic hippies to fuck up making a bomb. Rivka would have to satisfy herself with whatever dollar amount of damage they had done. The bottom line was the only thing that mattered to the board anyway. Damage assessment would wait. It was time to make an exit.

Rivka never walked anywhere when she could saunter there instead. The clack of heel against tile. The sway of hips. It was a complete artifice but an enjoyable one. Calm. Collected. A true leader arrives exactly where they mean to, exactly when they intend to arrive there.

A man and a woman in egg blue scrubs staggered out the stairwell and into the hallway, arms over their mouths, coughing furiously. Rivka pursed her mouth into a worried frown even as she buried her irritation. She knew for a fact the smoke wasn’t that bad on the second floor yet. “Gladys, Howard. Good to see you’re okay.”

“Mrs. Abrams?” Howard’s eyes widened. One didn’t need to be a mind reader to see the confusion and fear etched into his face. “What’s going on?”

“There’s been a small incident in Lab 3. We should evacuate into the parking lot.” Rivka explained, her voice steady. With an invisible hand, she sifted through both of their thoughts, tamping down their base responses.

Panicked people were stupid and unpredictable. Even more so than normal. Seeing Gladys and Howard relax in her presence, Rivka urged them along behind her with a finger.

In the parking lot, a scattering of lab coats and pretend-security milled around like lost children, watching the smoke coming out of the third floor windows of the complex. Worried gossip and cries of relief at each new person to congregate at the evacuation site.

There was the wail of a fire engine approaching in the distance, followed by police sirens. Perhaps the Montgomery chapter of the CTF would pay a visit. Now there would be a group worth getting a hook into.

With no sign of them yet, and the police yet to arrive, Rivka turned her attention to rounding up her charges. A side effect, it had turned out, of prolonged control was a lack of initiative. People got accustomed to having a little voice in their head telling them what to do. Whether they realized it was happening or not.

Who said every experiment the lab ran had to be on the books? Sometimes you had to treat yourself.

Still, it made for annoyances like this. One legal charge was enough. She wasn’t interested in adopting twenty-two grown adults. Shoving her hand into the air, Rivka shouted over the noise. “Everyone assemble and check-in here!”

With that nudge, the chief of building security was finally stirred into action, training taking over. Sometimes you had to kick an engine to get it to engage. Rivka stood back, satisfied to let Minako do her job of shepherding the group together.

Twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four…

Not one to trust a public-school washout, Rivka did her own headcount, touching lightly on each mind in turn. Her own personal tracking chip, only answerable to her. It amused her to think of it like tagging the ear of a cow at a farm. Or a rat in test facility. Perhaps that was more appropriate. At the end of the day, they all had about the same level of freedom, didn’t they?

Once the police arrived, the time for private amusements had ended. Put away, drawer shut. Rivka was to look suitably disturbed. Upset even. Worried for her team, and for their experiments. The consummate scientist.

Never mind that she had made a point to back-up all test data off-site before the attack. In the moment, she wasn’t to be in a state of mind to recall such facts. Let someone else helpfully ‘alleviate’ her worry.

One tedious conversation with the head of security and emergency response services after another. Always so painfully slow, to have to pretend like she didn’t already know exactly what they were going to say before they said it. It’s not like the telepathy was a secret. But no one liked to be reminded that the inside of their head was no longer private.

Firefighters got to work, EMTs attended to the few scrapes and bruises the staff had sustained. Rivka was called back over to confirm, yet again, with the police officer in charge there were no missing persons still in the building.

Yes, yes. Everyone accounted for. Rivka waved a hand, not bothering to mask her annoyance. She could feel all twenty-three employees clustered around. Stop bothering her with this.

Wait.

Twenty-three?

Minako and the police officer stared at her, as Rivka stopped mid-sentence. She cast her mind back out, checking each mental tag. Taking inventory. Olivia, Helen, Andy, Lee, Rodrigo, Howard, Gladys…

Where was the lab-rat? The other telepath?

Where was twenty-four?

[kaimelia-endgame]

You Need to Relax

Amelia was stressed. Stressed and angry and irritated. I mean she had only been at the hospital for 42 hours straight! There was absolutely no reason for Meredith and Maggie to ban her from the premises and make her go home to sleep. She huffed and puffed around the large empty house. All the kids at school, Scout with Link for the day, and the sisters still at work. She’s pacing the living room worrying to herself about the patients she had to leave. She knows they’re stable but she left them in the hands of interns! Her own nephew being one. And she knows he has good instincts but he’s also exactly like her during that time of her life. This makes her nervous about going home. She knows that it will be okay and that Meredith and Maggie and other attendings are there to look out for her patients but she just can’t stop worrying and pacing angrily. There’s no way she could sleep right now. Just as she starts talking out loud to herself ranting about Meredith sending her home her phone starts to ring. Great. I know something was going to happen. But her face lights up when she sees the name. Lover❤️. Amelia hasn’t seen Kai in person for about two weeks. Two weeks wayyyyy too long. She immediately picks up, longing to see their beautiful face.

“Oh I’m so glad you called, I miss you so much by the way. Also I love you. But anyway Meredith and Maggie banned me from the hospital and I was only there for like 40 hours and I need to go back and-“. “Amelia stop, stop, take a breath”, Kai chuckles under their breath as Amelia stops and takes in a huge gulp of air. “What’s got you so worked up, baby?” Amelia gives a shy smile knowing they’re not going to like her answer. “Well… I was at the hospital for almost two days straight and hadn’t slept so Meredith and Maggie sent me home to sleep”, she looks down at the floor waiting for a response. “Amelia….” They say sternly. “Look I know, I know, okay? It’s just that the new interns are morons and I can’t trust them with my patients and you know what I should just go back, fuck it”. “Amelia Shepherd if you don’t take a seat right now there are going to be some serious consequences”. She looks back up her her phone and makes eye contact. She gulps at their stern face and worried eyes. She walks over to the couch and plops down, defeated. “Look babe, you really need to get some good rest. You’ll be back at work soon enough and you have Scout tomorrow. I also need you well rested for when I come to Seattle in a few days” they smirk. “Oh and why is that, Bartley?” “I just have a few things in mind. But how about for right now you go put on the sweatshirt I know you stole from the last time you were here and get in bed. And they maybe I could sing you to sleep?” Amelia blushes slightly. She really thought she had gotten away with that sweatshirt. “Kai, I really just don’t think I can sleep right now. I’m so stressed”.

“Alright well I might have another idea. Can you just go get in bed and call me back when you get there? Please for me” they give her their best puppy dog eyes through the screen. “Um yeah okay I guess, but only because you’re so cute”. Amelia goes upstairs and digs their sweatshirt out of a drawer. She brings it up to her nose and inhales deeply. God she misses them. Like she really misses them. She just wants them to be here with her and hold her. Amelia pulls off her shirt and bra and slips the sweatshirt over her head. She opts for no pants because duh, no pants allowed in bed. She curls up under the blankets on her side and goes to FaceTime Kai again. She smiles when their face pops back up on the screen. “Alright so what’s this other idea of yours?” she says as she cocks her eyebrow. “Well, you need to relax, and I know exactly how to help you with that”. “Oh is that so. And what exactly would you recommend, Dr. Bartley?” “You’re going to touch yourself while I watch. But you’re going to do exactly as a tell you and not break any rules”. “Kai I’m too stressed to do this right now it’s not going to work. I need you here with me. I need to feel you touch me” Amelia whines. “I know baby but I’m not there right now. So this is the next best thing. I want you to get your vibrator out of the nightstand and grab your AirPods”. Amelia does as she’s told, secretly already a little turned on by their demands. Before Kai, Amelia would never give up power in bed. She had to be in control. In her personal and professional life, always needing complete control. But with Kai, she always felt safe. They are definitely more dominant than her and she lets them have their way with her. She’s never experienced that with anyone before them. She gets what she needs and gets back in bed. “Okay put your AirPods in and then I want you to prop your phone up so I can see you. Then lay back and close your eyes for me”. Amelia does as she’s told once again. “Alright just keep your eyes closed. Pretend your hands are mine. I want you to start running your hands across your stomach, your legs, arms, everywhere. But don’t touch anywhere else yet, understand?” “Yes” she breathes. She didn’t want to admit it yet, but this was already kind of working. With the noise canceling on her AirPods, their voice was all around her. With her eyes closed, their voice in her eyes, and their smell on the sweatshirt, she could almost believe they were there with her. “Now I want you to start teasing your nipples through the sweatshirt. Do not take it off.” After several minutes of this they can already tell Amelia is getting restless. “Kai?” She say as she bites her bottom lip. “Yes, baby?” “Can I touch myself now?” “What do you say when you ask for things, Amelia?” “Please can I touch myself”

“Good girl. Yes you can. Slowly. And gently”

Amelia slides her right hands down to the waistline of her underwear. Although she doesn’t want to admit it, she’s already soaking wet. She pulls the fabric aside and start rubbing circles on her clit, already starting to moan. “Hey hey. Slow down baby you’re not allowed to cum yet. Follow directions”. Amelia doesn’t listen, she can’t stop now. She keeps going, drawing tight and fast circles around her clit. Her hips buck against her own hand and she lets out a filthy moan. “Shepherd if you don’t stop right now there will be serious punishments when I get back and you and I both know you don’t want that”. Amelia does know. Kai has somewhat of a sadistic side to them under their calm and collected demeanor. The last time she broke a rule they didn’t let her cum for a week. She whines and stop her movements completely. “Good. Now I want you to grab the vibrator and turn it on the lowest setting. And you are not allowed to cum until I tell you”. She whines again. “Whyyyyy? I thought you wanted me to relax”. “You need to do as you’re told. Giving up control for a bit will you help you let go and relax. Now go on”. Amelia turns the vibrator on low and rests it against her aching clit. It already feels so good, too good. “I’m going to countdown from ten, and when I get to zero you will stop. Understood?” “Yes”, she sighs. She focuses on their voice and the intense vibrations but nothing else. She lets her brain empty and her body starts to relax. They count down from ten four times. By now Amelia is a moaning, begging mess. “Please Kai, please I need to cum. Let me please”

“Not yet baby. Now I want you to turn the vibrator all the way up and we’ll go again”. Amelia is speechless. “Kai..please. I can’t take it”

“Yes you can. Be a good girl. You can do it”. With their praise she’s melting again. When they talk to her like that, she’ll do anything they want. She turns it to the highest setting and places it back on her clit. Kai starts to count down from 10 again, but this time very slowly. “Kai, kai, please don’t do this. Please I need to” Amelia’s breath is erantic and she’s bucking her hips violently. She’s right on the edge, just waiting for them to give her permission, but they don’t. “Zero. Amelia stop”

“No no! I have to cum I can’t please please Kai I can’t” “stop right now or you know what will happen”. Amelia reluctantly moves the toy away and cries out from her ruined orgasm. She’s whimpering and whining, just waiting for them to talk again, let their voice surround her. “Shhhh baby, it’s okay. Just calm down. You’re being so so good. Can you do one more for me? Just one more time, baby” they soothe. Amelia nods her head and starts again. Kai starts the countdown again, a little faster than the last one but still too slow for Amelia’s liking. At this point Amelia feels like she’s about to explode. The pressure in the base of her stomach is so intense, the vibrations almost too much. She’ll do anything for Kai to just let her cum. She’s not listening to the numbers anymore. Just there soft but commanding voice in her ears. She’s rocking back and forth hard against the vibrator, one hand clutching the sheets. If they don’t let her soon, she’s not going to make it. “Amelia?” They whisper. “Y-y-yeah?” “Open your eyes” she opens her eyes and locks hers with theirs. They wait a moment relishing in their girlfriends beauty, right on the brink of release before whispering “cum for me, Amelia”. Not expecting it, her body just reacts. Her whole body goes stiff as she arches off the bed, cumming hard with a scream. She rides out her orgasm until it’s too much and she turns the vibrator off. She rolls onto her side and grabs her phone. Body limp and relaxed. “Good girl, you were such a good girl for me. Good job baby. So good”, they soothe. They watch her as she calms down, her breath evening out. “How are you feeling, baby?” “Mm, sleepy” she mumbles, letting her eyes close again. “Why don’t you keep your eyes closed and I’ll stay on the phone and read to you until you fall asleep?” “Mmmkay” Kai gets up and grabs a random old neuroscience textbook. “Chapter 1”. They get about 3 sentences in before realizing she’s already fast asleep, clutching their sweatshirt. They laugh quietly to themselves. “Can’t sleep, huh? I knew it would work”. They admire their sleeping girlfriend for a few more minutes before whispering “I love you” and ending the call.

[countyourcasualty]

RP Search

Hello, 31/m, AST here. Looking to add one or two more ONE ON ONE RPs featuring Erik Lehnsherr and Charles Xavier! I have almost no content limits whatsoever. It honestly depends on the dynamics between our individual characters, but I can play Erik anywhere from very dominant to service-oriented submissive. So if your Charles is more one or the other, I can work with that. I play a few different versions of Erik: two are modern and one is from the 1950s. All are in their late 20s to early 30s. I enjoy having lots of plot and lots of smut, probably a 50/50 split if I'm being honest (writing it out every time will probably get boring but y'know what I mean - the option is nice! But slow burn is fantastic so we can go 100% plot for a while if that's your jam.)

Basically, take a look at some of the plot ideas and versions and pick whichever one you think you'll jive most with! I'm obviously a huge fan of military themes, war, the CIA, international/diplomatic shit, foreign language, college AU, la la la. We could also mix it up with some Sentinel/Guide bullshit, because I'm a fucking sap for soulmates AUs (kill me now). My Discord is Weemie#2844 ! More information under the cut.

Erik ONE played by Ishai Golan

Erik 1 is Israeli and a former medic in the IDF who tried to conscientiously object but ended up being threatened with jailtime - which he could not afford due to caring for his ailing mother and baby sister. He was in Beirut helping both his own side and the enemy and managed to endure his experiences (which he morally objected to at the time) without firing his service weapon once. (This is a modern, vaguely 80s-90s setting.) He then immigrated to America and studied social work, and is now a CPS worker. E1 is rude, brash, and gregarious. You ever see that episode of Conan where he asks the Israeli guy "how do you say excuse me?" and he's just like "you don't! ELBOWS OUT MOTHERFUCKER!" That's this guy. He listens to hardstyle on the walk-man and wears Hawaiian T-shirts. He can meet Charles through his work somehow (if Charles runs his school, perhaps he meets Erik on the job at one of his students' homes and enlists his help). Maybe he seeks Charles out because one of his clients has a mutation and he doesn't know what to do - Charles being a mutant psychologist could be the catalyst there.

Erik TWO played by Adam Brody

Erik 2 is American from Midwood, New York City and an OEF veteran ex-68W, and MIT graduate. He can either have Pietro and Wanda or not (poor Magda gets Fridged, RIP) this version of him features his family heavily (his mother was also a mutant and a time traveler) and is set in the late 2010s. E2 is friendly, charming and talkative. He's the diplomat and the leader, knows several languages, and is a genuine, certified genius. He's the domestic fluff guy, always ready with a joke and a can-do attitude. He's a Conservative Jew, keeps kosher and goes to his dad's house every Saturday for Shabbat. They keep asking him when he's going to Bring A Nice Young Man Home. It's a whole thing. This one requires a bit of finagling but my idea is that Charles is Erik's VA-appointed caseworker and/or therapist (he was "The Good Shepherd" in at least a few incarnations so it's not super out of place). We could also potentially switch it up and have him attend MIT after returning from the Army, and he meets Charles there (either as a fellow student or professor). The CIA are also going to be involved in this, as they have been tracking Erik since he was a child. AS OF the beginning of our RP, this version of Erik believes he is a BASELINE HUMAN. When really, he is actually an Omega-level mutant with the ability to manipulate subatomic particles.

Erik THREE played by Michael Aloni

Erik 3 is Polish and was a sonderkommando at Auschwitz as a teenager. He survived years in this role due to Klaus Schmidt taking a "special interest" in him and only manifested his mutation after liberation. This one is my "darkest" version of Erik, but he is not an asshole or a genocidal insane person. I play him extremely realistically, tactfully, with the knowledge and study of years of history and personal experiences. His faith is important to him. E3 is gentle, curious and compassionate. A more somber personality, this version of Erik is genuinely kind, values life in all of its forms, and speaks softly but with great wisdom. A nurturing soul, he is a lay leader at his synagogue, teaching Torah to some of the younger children. Whip-smart and dry-humored as hell, but it takes time to really see it, since his command of English isn't the greatest. He's either a construction worker in Haifa (Charles would be volunteering there as well), working in International Tracing Service with ICRC in Eilat (these are the people who try and reunite families and track down records torn apart by the war), or a recent immigrant to the United States where he is attending university at MIT (Charles can again either be a professor or a student, or someone adjacent to the university).

[shelbgrey]

Hi! Could I request some Alex Karev smut? If possible? :)

Dr. Feelgood(Alex Karev)

Paring: Alex Karev x Fem!Reader

Summary: after being forced to plan a 'prom' at the hospital for Webber's niece, Alex and the reader decided to go together. They had nothing better to do, but their desire can't go unnoticed.

Warrings: SMUT, oral(female receiving), unprotected sex, pull-out method, sorta public sex?

MasterList ML2

“Everyone goes to the prom!” Webber shouts. “Everybody!”

And that's when we become party planners instead of surgeons, well we became that after the LVAD wire cutting incident, but that's not the point.

And when you have someone like me who never went to prom and someone like Alex who couldn't give a shit to help plane, nothing could get done quick enough.

Camille's friends just wouldn't shut up. Alex groaned and put his head on the table. The girls continued to ramble about colors and lights and Alex groaned louder like they were stabbing him.

“we could go all white” one the girls said, but then stopped when Alex made more noise of anguish.

“are you having a Seizure?” I asked, more annoyed with his groaning than the teenagers yapping.

“Will it get me out of here?” Alex asked, setting up. “Fine. Let's go with seizure”

Then after a while George got Bailey to help. She got every decoration down to a Tee and got everything ordered. I just didn't want to deal with this lovey-dovey crap. I just broke up with Derek Shepherd because I found out he was actually married, everything was just getting to me. Even a dying guy like Denny proposed to Izzie.

I could tell Alex had had enough of everything too. He blamed Izzie for our intern group's suspension and put on decoration duty, he was just pissed. I couldn't blame him, others might but I always saw a side of him no one else was. To be honest he was my person as Meredith would say… even if he looks ready to punch someone.

I let go of an unclosed balloon full of helium, making it fly towards Alex as it deflates. “Are you serious?!” He grabs the balloon. He was very agitated.

“Calm down, I'm just messing with ya” I told Alex.

“No! Don’t mess with me, have you seen these girls? These decorations! And now this!?”

I shrugged, already accepting our fate. I looked around as the hospital slowly turned into some prom nightmare. My high school prom was hell… If I had one, guy asked me and I ever really got the full experience.

“I really don’t want to be here. I can’t believe Webber forced us to do this because LVAD shit” Alex complained.

“No one wants to do this, but it's for the chief's niece” I said gently.

“Yeah, I know, but he forced the whole hospital staff to attend is stupid as hell”

I shrugged. I didn't really care about most things these last few months because of the Derek and Addison crap. I don't know what possessed me but it turned towards Alex. “you wanna go together tonight? need to be around friends” I don't know how I felt about Derek, but I wasn't ready to see him at his damn prom with Addison.

Alex turned to me, surprised. Like he hadn't expected me to say that. He thought about it for a moment and shrugged “Sure, why not?” he said with a smirk.

“Great,” I smiled.

--------(3rd pov)--------

The prom went off without a hitch. Y/n looked up at all the lights and decorations as her and Alex slowly swayed to the music.

“I can't believe I'm saying this, but this is nice” Alex said softly as his hands stayed on her hips, moving to the music. He was enjoying every second of this, all because of her. And he felt like he was getting back at Derek for hurting her. He felt good just being with her, seeing her in a beautiful dress instead of those blue scrubs. Even the decorations weren't pissing him off anymore, just being there with her ment everything.

“Yeah…” I looked away from Alex to look at everything around us, all the lights and colors.

“what's up?” Alex asked, she looked back at him with a soft smile. “nothing… I Just never went to prom before”

“Really?” he was surprised, in his eyes y/n was beautiful and a pretty smart doctor. He assumed she probably had a ton of guys wanting her. And he thought Derek was a complete idiot for losing her.

She shook her head. “no one really wanted to ask me…”

“I would have…” He continued to sway to the music, not breaking eye contact with her. Alex looks into her eyes. She had the prettiest hazel eyes he ever saw and the more he looked the more he could see himself falling for her. He couldn’t help but keep looking, they were like pools of honey. It was a nice way to get his mind off of work and the LVAD wire cutting incident. His eyes were locked into hers. He couldn’t help but admire her beauty.

“I was one of those nerdy girls no guy was interested in…” she said softly.

He put his hand on her cheek. She was just so beautiful, he had never thought about her like this before. And now the whole idea of her seemed so new to him and it was making him like her more. “That’s ridiculous. Look how beautiful you are. I don’t know why guys did not ask you out… I don't know why shepherd was stupid enough to lose you”

Her heart pounded against her chest when he said that. She hid her burning cheeks and rested her head on his shoulder as he moved to the music. “I got bumped up a couple of grades because I was smart… I played D&D… I was the weird kid because I didn't want to go out and get drunk”

Alex couldn't believe what he was hearing. He playfully chuckles as they slowly danced around oh... “oh, you were one of those geeks,” he said playfully.

Y/n scoffed playfully, resting her head on his shoulder gently “playing D&D isn't the geekiest thing in the world…”

Alex couldn't help but smile at her reaction. He rubbed the small of her back as they danced. “I was on the wrestling team… Who am I to judge”

“Wow, a wrestler” she laughed softly and playfully into his shoulder. “yeah... I was in marching band, school newspaper... All that nerdy stuff”

“Marching band huh?” he teased her, he lifted their arms up and he slowly spun her around before bringing her back to his chest. “you were a band geek, who knew”

“who knew you could dance” she teased back.

He smirked at her, holding her hand and continued to dance with her with zero embarrassment. “Shut up” he said playfully.

“ya know… If we went to the same high school, I would have been proud to go to prom with you.” he had a serious look on his face now. He was not messing around anymore. His friends would have made fun of him but the more he thought about it, the more he realized he didn’t care.

Her heart fluttered as she smiled, she wrapped her arms around his neck and played with the hair at the neap of his neck. “I would have been proud to go out with you too... All of my geeky friends would have been terrified of you though” she joked softly as we swayed to the music

He smiled softly and wrapped an arm around her waist. The other hand is still resting on her lower back. He leaned in to nuzzle her neck slightly. “I was always the scary one.” he whispered. “But you’re not afraid of me now are you?”

She ran her fingers through his hair as he nuzzled her neck. “I never was”

He smiled against her skin and kissed it gently. “Good.” he whispered before pulling back to look at her. His eyes searching hers for something, he couldn’t quite put his finger on what though. There was just something about her that he hadn't seen before, it drew him in and made him want more.

Y/n smiled as she stared into his chocolate brown eyes. Deep down she always knew there was more to him than him just being a surgery hungry asshole intern that slept around with nurses.

“Would you believe me if I said I always had a thing for nerds like you?” he said in a playful tone, he wasn’t joking. He genuinely liked her intelligence. She was beautiful and smart and that's what Alex liked in a woman.

“I don't know,” she said in a playful tone. Alex lifted her arm up and gently spun her around then pulled her back to his chest.

He leaned in to nibble on her earlobe softly, they both continued to sway to the music so their conversation didn't look suspicious. “I’m serious.” he whispered before trailing kisses down her neck. He could feel her pulse racing under his lips.

Alex smirked against her blushing skin. He loved how responsive she was to him. He lifted his head slightly to look at her once more. His eyes searching hers. "Do you want me to stop?”

She looked him in the eyes and shook her head. “N-no…” she said softly.

Alex's smirk grew as he felt her hesitation turn into desire. He leaned in once more, his lips pressing against hers with a soft yet hungry kiss, making her heart pounded against her chest . His hands slid up her back, pulling her closer as he deepened the kiss as her hand held his jaw.

The loud music masked the small moan that slipped past her lips as Alex's hands slid down her back, gripping her ass. Alex pulled her even closer, his tongue slipped into her mouth, dancing with hers in a heated duel. He could taste the sweetness of her lips and it only made him want more. She wrapped her arms around his neck, they were barley dancing now and the 'prom' was forgotten.

Alex groaned into the kiss, loving how responsive she was. He felt his blood rushing through his veins, making him hard against her body. He pressed her closer to him, rolling his hips in a small motion, making a small moan get caught in her throat. Y/n slowly pulled away from the kiss and rested her forehead against his, trying to catch her breath.

Alex closed his eyes, breathing heavily as he felt her against him. He wanted her so badly but he knew they couldn't do this here. “We should go somewhere else,” he murmured against her lips before leaning in to steal another kiss.

“Let's get outta here,” she said quietly.

Alex's hands never left her waist as he led her through the crowd, making their way towards an empty examination room. Once inside, he locked the door and pushed her against it, forcing a moan to escape past her. She tugged on his hair as his lips crashed into hers again, his tongue slipping past her lips as he devoured her mouth.

Alex's hands roamed up her thighs, hitching her dress higher. He could feel how wet she already was and it only made him harder. He slid his hand between their bodies, rubbing against her swollen clit through her underwear. “Fuck,”

“Alex” she moaned, her head falling back against the wall as his fingers danced around her most sensitive area.

Alex growled low in his throat, slipping a finger under the elastic of her panties to slowly push them down her thighs as he fell to his knees in front of her. He replaced his finger with his tongue, lapping at her folds and tasting her sweet nectar. She let out another moan, tugging at his hair and arching her hips off the wall.

Alex hummed against her folds, loving the way she responded to his touch. He suckled on her clit, flicking his tongue over it as he circled his finger around her entrance. He groaned when he felt how wet and swollen she was for him.

Her legs got wobbly and she arched her hips, moaning. “A-Alex…”

Alex kept sucking and flicking her clit, driving her wild with his expert tongue. He hummed against her, loving the way she squirmed underneath him. He placed his hand on her thighs, squeezing gently. "Shh...I got you, baby.”

Y/n’s heart pounded against her chest as felt herself getting closer and closer to the edge. “A-Alex, I'm c-close” she moaned as her head fell back in pleasure, eyes screwed shut.

Alex wanted her to come undone for him. He lifted up her leg and set It on his shoulder and sucked harder on her clit, swirling his tongue around it as he thrust his finger deeper into her wet heat. “Come for me,” He growled, not relenting until she did.

“Alex!” she moaned louder, tugging at his hair as she came undone on his tongue.

Alex hummed around her clit, enjoying the sweet taste of her as she came undone. He kept sucking and flicking until he felt her muscles start to relax. “Fuck, Angel” he groaned, pulling away slowly and kissing his way up her body as her fingers trailed down his body.

Alex kissed her deeply, she could taste herself on his lips. He pulled her closer, grinding against her as he grew harder. “I need you,” he whispered against her mouth. He quickly pulled the zipper of her dress down, making it pool to their feet. He lifted her up, pushing her onto the examination table.

“Take me” she grabbed his tie, pulling him between her legs. He slammed his lips against hers, the kiss was messy and rushed as she unbuttoned his shirt and pushed it off his shoulders.

Alex looked down at her, his eyes dark and intense as he quickly unbuckled his belt and pushed his pants down. He positioned himself at her entrance and slid in slowly, watching her face for any sign of discomfort. “Tell me if it hurts,” he whispered against her lips before thrusting deeper.

She moaned, arching her hips against his as the pain quickly turned into pleasure. “oh, fuck”

Alex groaned, feeling her walls clenching around him. He started to move faster, his hips slapping against hers as he took her hard and fast. “That's it,” he growled, nipping at her neck. “Fuck, you feel so good.”

Shemoaned against his neck, digging her nails into his back. “A-Alex!” she wrapped her legs around his waist, pushing him deeper inside her.

Alex cried out, feeling her tighten around him. He lost himself in the sensation, thrusting harder and faster as they became one. His hips slapped against hers in a rhythmic cadence that echoed through the room. “God, you're so fucking tight,”

She tugged at his hair. “Alex, I'm gonna cum!” she cried out desperately and tugged at his hair.

Alex groaned, feeling her inner walls pulsing around him. He slammed into her one last time, she cried out and bit his shoulder. He slammed into her one last time before pulling out, shooting his hot seed across her stomach and chest. “Fuck,” he panted.

Alex collapsed on top of her, their bodies sticky with sweat and each other's fluids. He nuzzled into her neck, breathing heavily as he tried to catch his breath. “That was... intense,” he murmured with a chuckle.

“A-amazing” she moaned breathlessly.

Alex grinned against her skin before slowly pulling out of her. He reached down and gently wiped some of his seed off her stomach with his tie, chuckling softly. “You're a mess,” he teased as he knelt down and picked up her jumbled up dress.

“It's your fault” she teased as Alex helped her step into her dress.

Alex laughed softly, his eyes trailing down her curves as he zipped the dress back up for her. “I suppose it is,” he agreed as he placed a kiss on her neck. “But I'd do it again in a heartbeat.” He smirked, pulling his shirt back over his shoulder, before he buttoned it back up he leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead.

Alex pulled back and smiled back at her, his gaze softening as he studied her face. “You're beautiful,” he murmured before leaning in to capture her lips in a slow, passionate kiss. He savored the taste of her on his tongue, wishing this moment could last forever.

She pulled away, smirking. “who knew Alex Karev was such a softie”

He let out an airy chuckle. “only for you” he smirked, kissing her on the nose.

[unvindiaannouncements]

https://unglobalcompact.org/participation/report/cop/detail/481951

August 2024

Contents published on UNGC website for global views:

Link 1: Hiroshima Day

Link 2: Quit India Movement

Link 3: International Dog Day

Link 4: National Sports Day

Link 5: UN Charter presentation at G D Goenka Public school, Srinagar (Special edition)

Link 6: SBOAMHSS Coimbatore - UN Volunteers updates (Special edition)

Link 7: Chess tournament at Kollam (Special edition)

Link 8: SBOAMHSS Coimbatore - Freedom thoughts

Link 9: International Observance

1. Hiroshima Day: Mahan Anjanadri Vidya Kendra, COPS, SBOAMHSS Coimbatore, Shristi English Medium School, Subash Srinivasan, Pledge

2. International Dog Day: Mrs Rekha Kumbar, Ms Daly Felicitus, Ms Ambili

3. International Youth Day: COPS

4. World Population Day: Deepu R S at NIOS

Link 10: Independence day celebration: SVMHSS Chennai, SBOAMHSS Coimbatore, The Adrian Loyal School Karur, Azad Public School Karnal, Shristi English Medium School Gujarat, Good shepherd English School Karaikal, Prestige International School Mangalore, Jain Public School Davangere, COPS Coorg, Millat Model High School Secunderabad, U S Ostwal English Academy Mumbai, Mahan Anjanadri Vidya Kendra Bangalore, St Joseph's Kindergarten Adampur, Velammal Vidyashram Somangalam, ACME Bilaspur, Mahima College of Nursing Ballari, GLPS Madavoor, K R Mangalam World School Gurugram, Noida International Public school Noida, K R Mangalam World School Vaishali, Hameediah Boys HSS Kilakarai,

Link 11: National Observance: Quit India Movement: Marthoma public school kollam, K R Mangalam World School Vaishali, COPS Coorg, Priya Durairaj. Space day: Dr Ravi Kumar L P, Subash Chandra Bose birthday: Subash Srinivasan,

Link 12: Medical camps: Free dental checkup camp: Ghulam Ahmed College of Education, Hameediah Boys HSS. Psychological Assessment: Noida International Public school

Link 13: Chronicles: Neo Geetanjali School, Deepu R S, Dr Jemi Sudhakar, Dr Ravi Kumar L P, Dr Balasubramaniam, Priya Durairaj, Cosmos Ennu Kwaw Ghana, Javad Ahmad Hura, Renuka English teacher, Suhail Ahmad, Muneer Abaas,

Link 14: Appreciation: Subash Srinivasan, Mrs Ambili Headmistress, Ghulam Ahmed College of Education students

New volunteers: Tabasum Mir, Mehraj U Din Mir, Javad Ahmad Hura, Asma fatahi, Suhail Ahmad, Dr Anjum Nazir

Link 15: Miscellaneous: Hameediah Boys HSS Kilakarai, Noida International Public school, Ms Leena Rai Kalra, SBOAMHSS Coimbatore, Subash Srinivasan, Millat Model High School, Mahan Anjanadri Vidya Kendra

Link 16: Roles of Muslims in Independence (Special edition)

Thank you

The National UN Volunteers-India

[vajrambangalore]

The Perfect Lifestyle at Vajram Newtown 2.0

Vajram Newtown Phase 2 offers an unparalleled lifestyle in the heart of one of Bangalore's real estate hotspots. Located just 4 km from Manyata Tech Park on Thanisandra Main Road, this prime location ensures excellent connectivity and convenience. Spread across 3 acres, the project features 272 units housed in 2 towers, each rising 18 floors with 3 levels of parking.

The entrance level features a triple-height podium landscape and a variety of luxurious amenities. Each unit is thoughtfully designed to ensure optimal spatial quality, opening up on three sides for superior ventilation. The corridors connecting the units on each floor are both efficient and well-ventilated.The central clubhouse, located on the 18th floor, links the two towers and serves as a lively community hub. The intricate landscaped spaces and various play courts enhance the premium living experience.

Explore Our Exclusive Offerings

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Size: 1192 to 1333 Sq.ft

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Prime Location: Chokkanahalli, North Bangalore

Vajram Newtown 2.0 is located in Chokkanahalli, an ideal neighborhood in northern Bangalore, strategically positioned next to SH104.The area's swift development is fueled by its excellent infrastructure and proximity to Manyata Embassy Business Park. Nearby communities like Sampigehalli, Agrahara, RK Hegde Nagar, and Thirumenahalli offer a range of housing options, including multi-story apartments, standalone homes, and residential plots.

Prominent developers like Rays Rock Developers, SLN Developers, DS-MAX Properties Pvt. Ltd., and Elegant Estate have established well-equipped residential projects in Chokkanahalli. The area's physical infrastructure has significantly improved over the years. Yelahanka Junction Railway Station is just 7 kilometres away via Thanisandra Main Road and Kogilu Main Road. Kempegowda International Airport is 23 kilometres away via SH104, and Baiyappanahalli Metro Station on the Purple Line is 14 kilometres away via Vajram Newtown Thanisandra Main Road and NH 44/NH75.

Chokkanahalli is home to numerous educational institutions, healthcare facilities, and shopping centers. Schools such as Federal Public School, Wisdom Montfort International School, and Mr.International School, Balaji International School, Bangalore International School, and North Hills International School are within a 6-kilometre radius. Reputable hospitals nearby include Regal Hospital Superspeciality Hospital, Cratis Hospital, Columbia Asia Hospital, and Good Shepherd Hospital. Shopping destinations like Elements Mall, Garuda Mall, and Phoenix Market City are within 17 kilometres, ensuring all your lifestyle needs are easily met.

[pooma-today]

The National UN Volunteers-India

International Mother Earth Day 22 April 2024

Good shepherd English School, Karaikal, Puducherry

On a bright and sunny morning, the grounds of Good Shepherd English School came alive with the vibrant energy of young hearts celebrating International Mother Earth Day. The students, with their enthusiasm and creativity, showcased their commitment to our beautiful planet.

Fancy Dress in Green:

The little ones transformed into mini environmental warriors, donning costumes that represented various aspects of nature. We saw tiny leaves, fluttering butterflies, and even sprouting saplings. Their green attire symbolized hope, growth, and the interconnectedness of all life on Earth.

Monoact as Earth: In a mesmerizing monoact performance, a young student embodied our very planet. With arms outstretched, they spun gracefully, portraying the Earth's rotation. Their expressive face reflected the changing seasons, from the icy chill of winter to the warmth of summer. It was a powerful reminder of our responsibility to protect this fragile globe we call home.

Eco-Friendly Creations: The classrooms buzzed with creativity as students crafted eco-friendly items. From recycled paper bookmarks to reusable cloth bags, their ingenuity knew no bounds. Bottle cap planters sprouted tiny succulents, and origami birds took flight. These young minds understood that every small action contributes to a healthier Earth.

Conclusion: As the event concluded, the air was filled with laughter, inspiration, and a renewed sense of purpose. The children pledged to be stewards of the environment, promising to reduce waste, conserve resources, and spread awareness. They understood that our planet is not just a place to live—it's our shared home, deserving of love and care.

Let us all take a leaf out of their book and continue to cherish and protect our precious Mother Earth. Happy International Mother Earth Day!