#Going to do a rb train while I read again

[styrofauxm]

Lore drop lore drop lore drop

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

hey have i brought attention to your tags yet??? not just these but Every Piece of Commentary you've left on my lights out posts??? cause damn. Dude. my guy. you're the only mf who truly understands the assignment

if you do kill wally its gonna ruin me.

the poor man has lived and survived and suffered for so long. desperate to save his friends.

and it just gets cut from under him.

especially if he doesnt die alone.

... *nervously kicks plot document under the rug*

[fahbev]

Hi! Saw you jumped on the tim hate train, welcome to the club! Aplarently you're Damian fan, which is good bc hes also one of the characters who's hit by tim's..woobification? Victimization(???) while simultaneously being the bestest, most competent batfam member. You Damian fans honestly have my respect for the pure amount of shit Damian gets because of tim.

hi lmao. Thanks xD. I usually try to keep all my negativity off of the internet, but last night I was going the anti Tim drake tag bc my frustration was flaring up. At first i was collecting posts by liking them instead of rb, then I was replying, and then at some point... “Fuck it. I want this on my blog.”

(This is gonna be a ramble btw, I don’t care abt making a good post rn.)

I used to be fine with Tim! I think the whole thing was a lot less prominent in the dpxdc fandom bc DANNY was the fan favorite/community elected woobie, but then I kinda moved out and... well. It still took awhile for this issue to seep in bc those Tim fans (you know the ones) are certainly a minority, but I just don’t think you can be a Damian fan for longer than a few months without getting frustrated.

Nowadays I refuse to read anything tagged with any variation of “Tim Drake angst” that features the batfam. Timkon fics are usually just fine though.

Actually— recently? Shit’s been bothering me so bad that I don’t wanna risk reading fics that have Tim in the first relationship tag at all. He’s gotta at most be in the second one. Ship fics are again an exception, but I don’t tend to seek out ship fics much anyway.

But, like I said, I usually keep it to myself. Every time i catch myself venting in the tags I either screenshot the tags and delete, or I delete and retype them. I put them into a private notes document. I also journal in there a lot instead of posting it.

That document is pretty long.

I do wanna say that there’s nothing wrong with what tim fans are doing. It is fun to woobify your fave. It’s fun to prop them up and tear others down and make everything about your blorbo and it is harmless. I do it too (usually in my daydreams). It’s a fantasy, and that’s what fanfiction is for. People who act like it’s “problematic” are wrong. That doesn’t mean it’s not annoying. Because it is. It’s annoying as all fuck.

Also wanna mention that I once read a damian fic that like... started off with some delicious whump, but then it turned into a whole Damian pity party and it guilt tripped all his friends and family. Damian IS my blorbo and I couldn’t read that. I didn’t even know who Maps was at the time but it seemed so bizarre to throw her under the bus. Anyway I feel like that’s what a quite large portion of Tim fic is like except a bit less extreme.

I used to tell myself that “ohhh it’s just a rivalry. I’m sure Tim fans get the same shit in reverse all the time” but I literally NEVER see it in the other direction and spend the most of my time in Damian circles. The only time I see tim hate from damian fans is frustration at those particular fans in response to it or in response to favoritism of authors.

I mean i saw a good chunk of it last night, but what else can I expect from the anti tim drake tag?

It’s actually funny how most of the stuff in anti tags is polarized hate shitting on the character with a lot of bad takes, but in tims anti tag it was almost exclusively frustration from Damian and Jason fans, and usually pretty mild takes. Also people calling Tim boring.

Ngl, Idk much about Jason. I’m familiar with his fanon, but the only comic i’ve read that featured him in a major way was Gotham War. I don’t know him well, and I don’t have too much interest in him. However, I hate “Jason falls over in guilt and kisses Tim’s fingers begging for forgiveness” type posts in solidarity. It’s yucky.

Anyway, I didn’t even mean to get on this anti tim train you speak of, It just sorta leaked out of my vent doc. Don’t expect me to keep posting about it.

but also... don’t not expect it. It might happen.

Even so, my dms are absolutely open for Timothy Drake related frustration! I’m pretty tired of being nice to him.

[direwombat]

wednesday again? no problem! have a (what will hopefully be the last) wip from fragile creatures chapter 5!

tagged by: @funkypoacher​, and @socially-awkward-skeleton (tysm! i see ur wips and i will read and rb them during my lunch break i promise!)

tagging: @natesofrellis, @thomrainer, @adelaidedrubman, @strafethesesinners, @strangefable, @aceghosts, @poetikat, @purplehairsecretlair, @confidentandgood, @schoute, @roofgeese, @harmonyowl, and i feel like i’m missing people, so if that’s you or if you see this and wanna share your own wip, consider yourself tagged! (but also, as always, no pressure)

Joe stares at him, those wide eyes of his searching. A cold calculation swims just beneath the surface. “You’re confident you’ll succeed.”

“Yes,” he answers, because he’s the only one left who can. He has to succeed -- in capturing the Deputy, in retaking the lost territories -- he has no other choice. 

For the first time since entering the cabin, Joe gives him a genuine smile. His eyes glimmer with affection and he finally slides into the seat across from Jacob. His hands reach towards him, and without thinking, Jacob takes them into his own rough ones. Joe’s eyes fall shut and he ducks his head with a small nod. “My brother, Jacob,” he sighs. “Always coming in when I need him most.” 

He doesn’t know what being eviscerated feels like first hand, but Jacob imagines it’d be more pleasant than the roiling wave of guilt that washes over him. His jaw clenches and he wants to argue, but the way Joe lifts their hands to press against his forehead stops him. For once he is here. For once he is here when it matters. 

Then Joe pulls away and deftly pivots the subject. “How are the battle plans coming?” 

“The plans themselves are fine,” Jacob grunts. “My people in Falls End and the Prison have done good work. It’s John and Faith’s recovering soldiers I’m worried about.” 

Joe frowns. “What’s happened?”

Jacob sighs. “There are too many of them and the outpost where I’ve been retraining them was taken. I’ve got my Chosen doing what they can, but they’re spread thin dealing with both the Deputy and the Militia. I don’t have enough space or resources to get them to standard.”

“The Collapse is coming, Jacob,” Joe says evenly, as if Jacob didn’t already fucking know. “I appreciate your thoroughness, but we don’t have time to train everyone to your standards.”

“Then it’s gonna have to be a Blitzkrieg,” he says simply. Strike Falls End, the Prison, and any other strategic locations hard, fast, and simultaneously. He has those plans ready, having drafted them on a napkin during one of those sleepless nights sitting at John’s bedside but he never thought he’d move forward with them. The bold maneuvers were drawn with rage and a desire to salt and scorch the earth afterwards. Strike with brutal, overwhelming force and precision, and leave nothing behind save for corpses and ash.

His only concern is that the Resistance has had the opportunity to band together and pool their resources. Keeping people separate and isolated is what allowed the Project to keep their hold on the County in the first place. The chaos of the Reaping was to their benefit. And while he’s confident they’ll succeed in recapturing the stolen territory, the cost of human life is going to be massive. A fact that doesn’t bother him, but one that might cause Joe concern. “We’re going to lose a lot of people,” he says, needing to make sure that his brother understands this. 

Joe chews thoughtfully on his thumbnail, already torn and ragged, worn to the bed. Some habits don’t die, and not even their mother’s treatments of lemon juice and varnish could stop him from worrying at his fingernails with his teeth. “If this is how it must be…” he says quietly. He then looks to his brother, only rather than finding his eyes glistening with sorrow, Jacob meets a cold and determined hardness. “Then for the good of the project it’s what we will do.” 

Joe is gone, and in his place sits Joseph. The Father. The version of his brother that John only ever seems to see.

Jacob nods. “I’ll start formalizing the plans, then,” he says, and he can tell this is where Joseph thought the conversation was going to end. 

Silence lapses and his brother gives him a tight smile, politely signaling his dismissal. But Jacob isn’t quite done here. He may be speaking to the Father rather than his Brother, but at the very least now they’re on the same level. Equals, sitting at the same table. He allowed Joseph to dodge the question, dance around it without answering and steer the conversation where he wanted. But his brother really ought to know better than to try to bullshit him. 

“Why did John run?” he asks once again, this time with a finality that offers no room for anything other than a proper answer. 

[flavinbagel]

I really don't want to abled-ly hijack this good and important post with my commentary but it's too long of a ramble for tags so here I go, just don't rb me, I guess.

In Denver the transit structure was modeled after the Portland MAX. The MAX' light rail trains board from a curb height and have a flat floor (accessible) section inside by the doors with stairs that lead to a raised section of additional seats (inaccessible). Limiting users of mobility aids, as well as bicycles, strollers, grocery carts, etc. to half the train's layout isn't ideal, but it's fine and it doesn't have to be a thing.

Reading this post made me realize that the light rail in Denver (that I spent ten years frequently using) makes their accessible access about as much of a thing as it gets. Denver's RTD light rail, bereft of a snappy name, also boards from curb-level platforms. However, the inside of the train is high level, like those deeper seats on the MAX, but it's the whole train. This means, when a door opens to the street, all of them, every single one, opens to a flight of stairs.

If you cannot use stairs, you have a singular solution. At the very very front of each station, near where the driver stops, is a small strip of level boarding platform atop a winding, 1:12 ramp. You make your way up this singular ramp and wait for the train (if there was already a train there by the time you approached the station, good ass luck making it if you have to do all this).

This is the process: When the train operator stops they (ideally) see that someone is on the little special platform. They push a special button to open the door right behind the cab, and get out of their seat. You see, there's a ramp sitting over the stairs, but it's not quite enough. To close the gap to the platform a bit of ramp has to be extended by the operator, who then asks you where you're stopping so they can come out and do it again when you need to get off.

This is just about as much of a thing as any accessible solution I can think of. If you're in a wheelchair, it means you're in the same flat train section as everybody else, but you can't really go far because you can only leave the train out one door. There is a button you can press to request a stop if you spontaneously decide to get off early, but what if you could just... get off yourself? And what does a wheelchair user do if the train makes an emergency stop away from a platform?

This convulted mess also makes any curb-cut effects weird. When people show up to the top of that ramp with a stroller, or even just a cane, there is an air over them and the driver of "Is this right? Is this even for me?" as the origami ramp gets manhandled. And if you have heavy luggage or a bicycle, then this level boarding platform is explicitly not for you, and you must carry your things up one of the other doors.

It's bizarre that a light rail that was developed after Portland's feels so backwards in its accessibility. The newer commuter rail trains, like to airport, board level as OP described, but these are really only in the north of the city, while light rail dominates the south of the city. What if the light rail trains boarded lower or, for a practical solution, how about automating the platform bridge so the driver doesn't have to leave their cab and everyone has more autonomy in movement?

If You’re Gonna Make Something Wheelchair Accessible, Don’t Make it a Thing

Here’s some examples awkward accessibility being a thing:

Your at a hotel that has a lift to get you from one sub-floor to another, but the lift can only be unlocked and operated by one specific person that the hotel now has to go find. Sure, they’ve made the entrance to the sub-floor is accessible, but now it’s a thing.

The buses are wheelchair accessible but the driver has to stop the bus, take 30 seconds to lower the goddamn ramp, move passengers out of their seats, hook up the straps and then secure you in the bus. Sure, they’ve made the busses accessible but now it’s a thing.

The restaurant has an accessible entrance, but it’s past the trash room and through the kitchen. Sure, the restaurant is accessible, but now it’s an insulting thing.

Here’s some great examples of accessibility not being a thing:

The train to the airport pulls up flush with the platform. I board with everyone else and sit wherever the fuck I want. Riding the train is accessible and not a thing.

In Portland, I press a button the side of the streetcar and a ramp automatically extends at the same time the door opens. I board in the same amount of time as everyone else. This is not a thing.

I get that it is difficult to design for wheelchair accessibility, but folks need to start considering the overall quality of the experience versus just thinking about meeting the minimum requirements.

[heartsoftruth]

Tell us how was your experience for the first few days in Monaco 😍😍. Did you encounter any drivers 😜

OMGGGGG. It's been DAYS already since I'm back (and I had a HUGE post GP dip), but Monaco, Monaco, MONACOOOOO!!! J'taime ♥️ Truly what an amazing GP to go to. I actually went to Monaco every day for the entire week that I've been in France/MON haha. When I arrived on Tuesday I was kinda bumped, because I booked my tickets to arrive on that day for that ANNUAL charity football match. Of F1 drivers vs whatever. There was already some rumors it might be cancelled, but nothing 100% confirmed. And Monaco is very old skool: so you could (and can) only buy tickets at the stadium ahha. But when I landed I read from someone on Twitter: I just called the stadium and it's cancelled this year. So that was the start of my MON trip... As you can imagine I went 🥺🥺😞. I'm very superstitious; so I was only hoping this bad start isn't an omen for the rest of the trip... I still went to MON (since I already bought a train ticket) and I have to say it was great. The pitlane was open and I could see the teams building/preparing the garages. I went for a walk ON the track: next to the swimming pool, grandstand T etc etc. Then went back to the pitlane again and saw the RB being unloaded. As I was traveling solo for the first time I put my independent woman pants on and went to a restaurant and asked for a table for one. Sat there, purposely not too much on my phone, but enjoying the view and where I was and it was actually ok? Like the idea of eating alone and even more: in a restaurant/terrace makes me anxious even now when I've done it. But it was all ok haha. Then after I went to take a look in the pits again haha. And ended up walking on the pit straight to the train station. And while I was walking all of a sudden thinking: wow damn these are the pitboxes haha. This is the start and finish, this is the breaking point, here we almost are at St Devote haha. I've never been to a street circuit so I don't know if thats normal, but to me it's mindblowing that every day (even after actual F1-sessions) the track opened up. I had a moment where I was walking on the straight (very close to the fence, bc I didn't want to get hit of course HAHAH) and thought 🤯🤯🤯 this is actually insane gurl.

Wednesday I had planned to explore Nice, but I bought new iPhone ears and thought: I need to go to MON HAHHAHA. So I bought another ticket and just went back there. Picked up my F1experience ticket (was helped by someone who - with all due respect - wasn't the brightest but after 2 colleagues came she finally understood my problem). This time I wanted to go more towards the harbor area of the city and it was just... 🤯🤯🤯 I mean... The photo down here doesn't do it justice but: wow! So pretty. I sat there with my water and just enjoyed this view. I truly was thinking: I can understand how little Lewis came here to have a sleepover with Nico and went: One day I'm going to live here. I walked a bit further and these 'little boats' are NOTHING compared to the yachts that were laying there hahah. I felt I was being called poor in 43943 languages hahaha. But it was great to see. I didn't stay too long and went back to sit with the 'little' boats again before I head off on my way to find something to eat. It was then I saw something red on a bike and I went: 🤔🤔👀. It was Ollie! I wasn't planning on saying anything, but he had to stop for the stripes (no idea what's the word in English) and then looked towards me. So I went: Good luck this weekend! 🥰 And since he was so sweet in his reply, so I asked if I could take a piccie and he said of course, but had to get off the road haha. So I was very happy with that as I find him an adorable and talented kiddo and I missed him in Zandvoort last year. Walked past Daddy Norris (who was in - what seemed to be - a very serious convo) and Angela light/2.0 (as I call the guy who is with Lewis now on the grid) walked past several times as well haha.

Ended up with a lovely dinner for 1 and then I ended up taking a peek in the pit again and walking on the straight back to the train station haha. Went back home in time because I knew on Thursday it would truly start!

[havethetimeofyourstyles]

in which harry joins a new gym and you’re a trainer there.

a/n: happy new years loves! wishing you all a lovely and happy 2021! first fic of 2021 and im so excited to write more stories this year! to start the new year, here is boxer!harry for you, and this is for my very own timetravelathon fic challenge! if you’d like to join, please let me know, I’d love to have you on board! this story takes place in the 1990, and i know some of the songs mentioned weren’t released specifically in 1990 (just a few years after), but just pretend it was lol because they’re too good to not mention in this story hehe, but happy reading and pls reblog and leave feedback <3

thank you to @sunflowers-styles for beta reading this for me, love you always!

WORD COUNT: 22.6k of (kinda) boxer!harry x trainer!yn filled with angst and smut

WARNINGS: mentions of abandonment and blood 

COME INTO MY INBOX AND LETS TALK ABOUT ‘143’ i’d love to know your thoughts!

pls rb to share! <3

16 August 1990

With every move he made, Harry felt a bead of sweat drip down the side of his face, down his back, and trailing down his chest. Small huffs of breath were released from his mouth, trying not to make it known that he was exhausted, but he continued until all of his energy was used up through the very end. 

“C’mon,” he muttered to himself, anticipating the certain words to be yelled out. 

He’d been going at it for a while now, muscles aching as he felt like he was about to collapse any minute. But he was determined to finish, to feel the satisfaction running through his veins, knowing that this was his best round. 

“And time!” His trainer yelled at him, clicking the stop button on his timer. 

Harry got in one last punch before putting his arms down, the soreness made his limbs feel like jello as he shook them out. The black leather punching bag was swinging back and forth, the chain that held up the speed bag rattled and slid against the metal bar. Harry loved that sound because it indicated that he was going his hardest to where the chain couldn’t keep up. 

“Nice one, kid.” Henson, his trainer said as he fist-bumped Harry’s red glove. 

Harry simply nodded in appreciation, too exhausted to speak as he placed his gloves onto his knees, leaning down as beads of sweat dripped down onto the matted floor. Several harsh breaths came out of his mouth as he sniffed in the fresh oxygen that was mixed with the musky scent of the gym. 

Benny, Harry’s best friend, exited the ring, wiping the sweat off his forehead with his arm before walking towards Harry, who was still leaning on his knees. Benny tapped Harry’s glove, making him stand up straighter, and Harry patted Benny’s back. 

“Good job out there, mate,” Harry told his best friend. Benny was in the ring with one of the other trainers, Mike, doing one of the nonstop routines. Harry liked training with Mike in the ring, but not when it was for cardio and timed rounds; he liked when it was chill, so he knew how hard he had to hit the target, which were the pads. But for the timed rounds they did, Harry was usually by the speed bags and Mike was in the ring. 

“You too, man,” Benny breathed out with a smile. 

They headed over to the bench to take their gloves off and catch a breather. The pair would do a  cardio day every Thursday to get a good, sweaty workout in, and it always left them exhausted, but definitely much stronger. 

“Hey, I’m not gonna be able to workout next Thursday,” Benny mentioned. Harry furrowed his brows as he put the end of the strap between his teeth to pull it off from the velcro, taking one glove off. 

“What? Why not?” Harry asked confusingly. They never really had to call off a workout, especially Thursdays, unless one of them was sick, but other than that, neither of them missed any workout days. 

“I’m taking the wife on a date,” Benny smirked, clearly very excited to spend some time with his wife, but Harry wasn’t amused. 

“On a Thursday? Why can’t you do that on Friday?” 

Benny rolled his eyes. “Because we both called off Friday, so we’re having a four day weekend to ourselves,” he explained. 

Harry huffed, clearly not entertained. “Guess so…” 

Benny knew Harry was always like this, ever since they were younger. The two had been so close ever since they met, now that Benny had a wife, Harry always felt like the third wheel and that he rarely saw Benny, however, that wasn’t entirely true Benny exercised with Harry every night during the weekdays, and sometimes they even grabbed a bite to eat afterward when Benny could use that time to be with his wife, Marianne. 

Harry had an overwhelming fear of abandonment, it led him to have anxieties about how Benny could just get up and walk out of his life, even though he wouldn’t. Maybe it was why Harry is so attached to him; he’s the closest to Harry and it would completely destroy him if Benny ever decided that he didn’t want to be his friend anymore. That fear only grew based on an unfortunate turn of events that happened in college, four years ago, and it left Harry to pieces. Benny had never seen Harry so broken where he literally had to pick him up and take care of him. He never wanted to see his best friend like that ever again because it absolutely crushed him. 

“It’s two days that we’re not going to be seeing each other, chill out. Didn’t know you were that in love with me,” Benny joked, hoping to lighten up Harry’s mood. Luckily, it worked because Harry breathed out a chuckle, throwing his towel at Benny’s face.

The two collected their belongings and walked over to the trainers as they always do at the end of every workout to have a light chat with them. Henson and Mike told them they did a great job and asked to confirm if they were still on for tomorrow, which Benny and Harry both agreed to. Benny also mentioned about not being able to work out next Thursday and Friday, including the reason why he wasn’t able to. 

Henson and Mike looked at each other as if they were keeping something from the two. Harry titled his head  and looked at Benny as if he was asking if he knew the reason why they were looking at each other weirdly, but Benny just shrugged his shoulders, just as clueless as Harry. 

“Are you gonna tell us why you’re acting suspiciously?” Harry asked. The two trainers both sighed defeatedly. 

“About that…” Henson started. “Next Friday…we’re closing,” he added. 

“Like, closing for the day?” Benny asked innocently, hoping they didn’t mean what he really thought. 

“No…for good,” Mike stated. Harry and Benny’s eyes both widened, words coming out of both of their mouths profusely. They were both talking over each other, disagreeing and not accepting the fact that the gym was shutting down. 

“You can’t just do that-”

“-No, we refuse to let you close down-”

“Alright, guys! Settle down. You’re starting to act like kids, for god's sake,” Henson interrupted the tantrum that was about to start. 

“You guys can’t just do that!” Benny exclaimed. 

“Why are you guys even doing that?” Harry asked. 

Mike sighed. “We mutually decided that it was best to close down because…we really need the money. My rent has been skyrocketing crazy high because more people have just decided that moving to Los Angeles is fun.” He rolled his eyes, and Harry slightly chuckled because it was true. Hollywood was the place to be and people from out of state had just figured out their new profound dream to move to one of the busiest cities. 

“Fight Night will never be forgotten, alright? We’re just ready to let this place go. Plus, the roof is leaking and the wall is tearing apart, and that’s gonna be a pain to fix,” Henson added. 

Mike and Henson were brothers and built Fight Night when they were in college. With the help of their father, they decided to build a place to gain strength and power, all while helping others defend themselves. Harry and Benny had been frequenting it ever since college, and it felt like home to them. Aside from the yelling and stuffy scent, it was a place for them to release any type of anger or stress.

Benny introduced Fight Night to Harry when he had physically picked Harry up from the ground on, what possibly was, the worst night of his life. It was something Harry looked forward to after classes, anxiously bouncing his leg up and down, waiting to get to the gym. Fight Night helped rebuild him, and now, he was in disbelief that the gym was closing. 

“We’re old as fuck now. We wanna live our lives freely. Time to retire now, don’t you think?” Mike said with a sad chuckle. They were both in their late fifties, so Harry and Benny understood why they wanted to be free of work. 

The four of them hugged it out, a very emotional and sentimental hug that was heartwarming but sad. Eyes were slightly watered before Henson pushed them and said, “We’re closing the gym next week, not fucking dying! We have time for this bullshit for an entire week.” 

Harry and Benny left the gym with bittersweet hearts, but they kept Fight Night close to them, knowing that they owed a lot to the gym and the two men who built the facility. Mike had recommended some gyms that were close by if they were still interested in boxing, which they definitely were, so they were planning to check them out first before signing up. 

“Do you wanna get something to eat?” Harry asked once they were outside of the gym. The air was humid, nothing different from inside the gym since it was summer and the sun was beginning to go down. 

“Nah, I’m good. Gonna get home to Marianne. I’ll see you tomorrow?” Benny pat Harry’s back, nodding. 

Harry waved. “See you.” He watched Benny walk away before getting into his silver 1990 BMW 5 series, sighing. He always hated going home, and he always tried staying out for as long as he possibly could. 

As he drove home, he anxiously tapped his hands on the steering wheel as he couldn’t quite keep them still. It’d been happening for a while, a lot more often than he’d like, but he couldn’t help it. 

Walking into the darkness and emptiness of his home, he sighed sadly as he sulked all the way to the restroom to shower. The hot steam relieved his achy and sore muscles, but he was hoping for this shower to also release any occurring and bad thoughts he had in his head. 

He couldn’t help but think about the gym closing down. After going there for years, he couldn’t imagine going to a new gym; he’d adapted and adjusted to Fight Night that it would take him forever to find a gym that truly made him feel wanted. He was scared, to say the least. 

Harry was never a big fan of change. He liked being comfortable and stable and didn't like to move around a lot. So, the thought of going to a different gym that wasn’t Fight Night, terrified him. It only added to the list of things that had abandoned him. 

Once he was out of the shower, white towel secured lowly on his hips, showcasing his beautiful toned torso that was filled and inked with tattoos, his pager beeped. He wondered who it was as he walked over to his nightstand, considering that it was nearing nine in the evening. 

He deeply sighed when he saw the pager read ‘345987,’ immediately knowing who it was. The pager code meaning ‘I’m horny’ could only mean it’s coming from Lizette. 

Deciding not to answer the page, Harry set his pager down before walking back to the restroom, only for his home phone to ring, causing him to stop in his steps and answer the phone. 

“Hello?” Harry answered. 

“Hey, baby,” Lizette said seductively. His brows furrowed, holding the towel to his waist as it had loosened up a bit. 

“What do you want?” 

“You know what I want…” He knew exactly what she wanted. If she hadn’t paged him, he would still know what she wanted from him since all he provided to her was sex. “Isn’t it such a coincidence that I’m outside of your door right now?” Harry didn’t say anything but pinch the bridge of his nose before hanging up. 

He walked towards his front door, sighing before opening the door that revealed Lizette on the other side, wearing a low cut top, cleavage clearly showing, and high waisted denim shorts. She leaned on the doorframe, smirking as she looked Harry up and down, noticing that he wasn’t wearing anything but a towel. Harry gulped as she stepped forward, placing her hands on his stomach before completely taking the towel off, and a smug smile plastered on her face. 

Harry lets her take over like he always did. The feel of someone else’s body holding his, and lips kissing his own and his skin was something he couldn’t compare to anything else. Harry simply only did this to have some companionship, and Lizette made him feel a lot less lonely even if she was only there to have sex with him. He enjoys it twenty-five percent of the time—the other seventy-five percent was him actually wallowing in wanting someone to love him for him. 

After they were done, Harry immediately covered himself with the blanket as Lizette got out of the bed to change back into her clothes. Even though they had sex multiple times and she’s seen him naked, there was something about the vulnerability after the sex that he didn’t want her to see because she didn’t quite deserve that if he was being honest. 

“I had fun. Call you next time,” Lizette bid him goodbye before smacking a big kiss to his cheek, leaving a lipstick stain on his skin. She walked herself out, and once Harry heard the slam of the front door closing, he cringed slightly, wiping the lipstick off. 

He turned onto his side, deeply exhaling. He didn’t feel anything but numbness—it was always like this. He used sex to cope with how he felt, but it only made it worse. Honestly, he didn’t know what else to do, so it was the only thing he turned to, other than boxing. 

Harry fell asleep in his lonely room by himself. His heart was empty and felt like an isolated building that only carried his sadness. 

The entire week had gone by in a flash — Fight Night was officially closed down for good. 

Harry and Benny helped clean the space out as they reminisced and talked about the memories that were made in that gym. A lot of the stories had to do with girls walking by the gym, glancing through the window to see men working out, and then promptly walking into the gym to try and hit on the guys. 

Harry had tried convincing Henson that he could run the gym, but he shot down the idea before Harry could convince him. 

“Kid, look. If you want to run your own gym, do it. I want you to own a gym under your name. Not mine or Mike’s. You deserve to have something of your own, and whatever that may be, work for it. Work hard for it. I know you got it in you because you’re a hard worker, determined. You need to see that for yourself.” 

A conversation that was supposed to convince Henson to let Harry run the gym turned into a sentimental series of words that Harry really needed to hear. Harry didn’t say anything else and nodded as he took in Henson’s words to his heart. Henson was someone Harry looked up to. He was an old man with wise words, and everything he said was either meaningful or mean, in a way to show tough love. So, his words were something Harry lived by. 

The following Monday after Fight Night closed, Benny and Harry were on the search for their new gym. They didn’t plan on quitting the gym after their favorite one had closed down, and Henson and Mike made them swear they wouldn’t stop working out. 

Now, the two were walking into a gym that was up the same amount of time Fight Night was. ‘Don’s Box’ was what the gym was called. The building was newly reconstructed, making the place seem more modern and a little less dingy. The space was quite big, able to fit two rings, six punching bags spread throughout, eight-speed bags, and a weight rack. The walls were painted black, but the amount of natural light from the window was plentiful enough to make the gym feel bigger and brighter. 

A decent amount of people were at the gym, sectioned off with a few kids from eight to twelve on one side, and the rest of the adults on the other. There was a good mix between women and men, and everyone hyped everyone up with motivating words and claps over the music that was playing through two speakers that were hung in the corner. 

“Can I help you?” An older man with gray hair had asked the two. He looked quite intimidating; wearing nylon sweatpants and a black long-sleeved shirt that was rolled up to his elbows, showing his gold watch. The look he had on his face was stern as he crossed his arms, waiting for an answer. 

“Uh, yeah. We’re interested in joining your gym,” Benny told the man. The man looked the two up and down and scoffed. 

“Sure you guys are ready for that?” 

“We’ve been boxing for years, so yeah, we are.” Harry chimed in, a slightly defensive tone added to his words. 

The man glared at Harry, stepping towards him. Harry was slightly taller than him, but he knew the man could definitely take him at any given moment, but Harry wasn’t looking to fight the man, honestly. He wanted to act and look tough in front of him, so the guy wouldn’t give him any crap for it later down the road during his workouts. 

“Alright, alright. Take it easy, pa.” You interrupted, placing a hand on the man’s shoulders, making him turn his head. You raised your brows at him before tilting your head a bit, telling him to step back. The man backed off, giving Harry a snarly glance before huffing. 

“I’m just messing. Gotta know how tough my athletes are to be here,” he spoke in a lighter tone than he was to the man in front of him, putting his arm around you. 

“Thought you were gonna ‘stay on the sidelines’ and let me handle it?” You quoted your father’s words back to him, and he chuckled, putting his hands up, surrendering as he knew he couldn’t win against you. 

“Alright, alright. I’ll let you handle it.” Don, your father, quickly looked at Harry up and down, and you rolled your eyes, knowing he wouldn’t do anything to potential customers. He walked away and you breathed out a chuckle, scratching your head. 

“Sorry about that. You two are interested in joining?” You asked the two men in front of you. They were rather…attractive, you noticed. The one on the left was gorgeous with beautiful brown skin that looked so smooth. He was wearing a pair of red short-shorts and a white muscle tee. You noticed that he was wearing a wedding ring, so you averted your eyes off of him. The man next to him, however, was absolutely stunning. His left arm carried a sleeve-full of tattoos, and you wanted so badly to examine and look at every single one. With chocolate brown curls, his green eyes had a tad bit of a glimmer to them, not too much though, because if you were being honest, they were a bit dull, like he was exhausted and needed to let off some of the stress that he held based on how tense he looked. 

You tried not to observe and think about it too much as your ability to read individuals thrived while meeting new people. You shook it off the thought, not wanting to assume things about their lives and seem too creepy in front of new and potential members. 

“Yeah, we are. I’m Benny, by the way.” He shook your hand, smiling. 

“Nice to meet you. I’m Y/N. I run this place.” You offered the same smile back. Your eyes looked over at his friend, and he gave you a soft smile. “Y/N,” you repeated, taking your hand out for him to shake. 

“I’m Harry. Harry Styles,” he introduced fully. A beautiful name for a beautiful man, you thought. He shook your hand as you felt the softness of his skin mixed with a tad bit of roughness from the callouses, probably from heavy-lifting. 

Something about Harry introducing his full name had made you a bit weak in the knees. His deep and accented voice had made you a bit flustered as chills ran up your body. You’re acting like a fool, your subconscious told you. You were never one to show your obvious attraction for men, you were more into watching them from the side. But once Harry walked in, it seemed like you didn’t know how to keep your chill. 

“Perfect. Nice to meet you both. Signing up shouldn’t be too long—don’t want to keep you two from working out.” You led the two men to one of the offices, knocking on the wooden door to greet Jamie. “Hi. These two are looking to sign up. Do you mind helping them out?” 

“Of course! Come on in, guys,” Jamie greeted them, offering them to take a seat along with some water, which they both said yes to. 

“I have to get back to my session, but you both are in great hands. Jamie is one of our best,” you told the two. You sent an innocent wink at Jamie, which he sent one back while Harry watched the entire interaction, feeling uneasy. 

It was quite obvious how attractive and pretty you were. The moment he first saw you, his breath had immediately hitched in his throat. You had the most gorgeous face he’d ever seen, and when you spoke, your voice was soft and gentle, making Harry a bit more safe in a place he’s new to. 

Jamie had gotten their details and credit card information down before asking them if they needed a tour of the place. They both had said no, seeing as things were pretty self-explanatory and they’d been to a boxing gym before. 

They headed out of Jamie’s office and to the main floor, walking over to the heavy bags since the section was less crowded to start stretching. Harry rolled his shoulders and neck around, swinging his arms forwards and backward as he looked around the gym. 

This was something he had to get used to—being in a new place, surrounded by new people. At Fight Night, he was around the same people for four years, and he was comfortable — he was fine with it. But now, he had to go through the same process all over again. Nerves and anxiety crept up his skin as he tried to jump around lightly, warming up a bit but also trying to shake off the unwanted feelings. 

“Hey, you okay?” Benny asked concerningly as he stretched. 

Harry’s brows raised, covering up his anxiousness. “Hmm, yeah, I am. Y’know, just a, uh, new place, that’s all,” he brushed him off. 

“Okay. Well, whenever you’re ready to go, just tell me,” Benny told him before going into his bag to grab the wrapping tape. 

Harry nodded, smiling in appreciation. Benny had always been a great friend to him, and Harry was a great friend to Benny as well. They always took each other’s feelings and concerns into consideration—always making sure the other is okay. They both really appreciated it because some friends weren’t lucky enough to talk about their feelings and be that vulnerable with one another. They trusted each other; they were like brothers. 

Harry grabbed his jump rope, deciding to do a little five-minute warm-up to get his heart rate going. He faced the boxing ring to the left of him, noticing that you were in the ring, so he decided to casually watch you box. He then noticed that you had boxing pads on instead of gloves, and the people you were training were the kids that he had seen earlier. 

He watched you instruct the excited kids who were prancing around with their boxing gloves on, in every color imagined. You helped them fix their form, their stance, and their punch; telling them that they had to be quick with their hit to bring their glove back to the side of their face quickly, so their opponent doesn’t have a chance to take a hit. The kids demonstrated for you, punching your right hand that was covered with the pad. You praised all of them, of course, correcting a few things, but overall, everyone was a natural fighter. 

Harry’s heart rate definitely started to pick up, and he didn’t know if it was how fast he was jumping rope or because of the flutter he felt as he watched you interact with the kids. He truly never felt this kind of feeling where his heart picked up from the simple act of looking at someone. 

You had definitely noticed Harry staring at you from your peripheral view, and you had thought it was a simple glance, but he never looked away. So, you took the opportunity to take a quick look at him while the kids were practicing. 

Your eyes met him and you sent him a small smile, along with a wave with your boxing pads. Harry’s eyes widened, realizing that you were waving at him, and what happened next had embarrassed him even more. With how fast he was jumping, he suddenly got tangled with the rope, causing him to trip against it. Luckily, he caught his fall, but he was already embarrassed enough. 

Harry’s heart completely dropped, cheeks flushed. He couldn’t believe he had made a complete fool of himself, especially at his new gym. He so badly wanted to tell Benny that he was ready to leave, but when he looked over at his friend, he had already started his workout, being so focused and in the zone that Harry didn’t want to be a burden. 

When he turned back around to see if you were still looking, he jolted back a bit as you were behind him. 

“Are you okay?” You asked concerningly. 

“Uh, yeah. I…yeah, I’m okay. Thanks.” He cleared his throat, trying to cover up the fact that his voice almost cracked. He was so stunned by you. The way you made sure he was okay was possibly the nicest thing someone had done for him as you looked at him with your sweet eyes, and your posture was giving him your full attention. His heart pounded through his chest; the simple action and effort that was being put into this was making him overwhelmed. 

“Okay. Let me know if you need anything, yeah?” You told him as you looked at him intently. He simply nodded, knowing that he couldn’t process any more words. 

You gave him one last smile before quickly going back to your students. He watched you climb into the ring so effortlessly before continuing your training class. 

Harry took a deep breath before walking over to one of the speed bags that was in the corner, hoping to hide away from the embarrassment that he felt. Wrapping his hands up, he anxiously scanned the room, noticing that everyone was doing their own thing. There was a possibility that no one else had seen him almost fall on his face, except you, which he really wished that it was the entire gym who saw him instead, not you. He lazily hit the speed bag, trying to warm up and shake off his mortification. Harry continued hitting the bag, eventually getting into a rhythm as his fists alternated between one another, along with the rhythm of the music of Montrell Jordan’s ‘This Is How We Do It.’ 

Soon enough, all the worry and stress that was in Harry’s head and body was shaken off and completely forgotten about as he focused on his strong punches, making sure to connect his mind to his muscles, so he could feel his muscles working. 

And for the time being, life wasn’t all that bad. 

A month had passed since being at Don’s Box, and Harry and Benny quite liked it. They had newer equipment and their music was always on point, playing the best of 90s R&B and Hip-Hop. It was their favorite music to listen to, especially while working out. The people there were nice and cool, never getting in each other’s way and letting everyone do their own thing while still having fun, keeping the space safe and comfortable. 

Harry found himself walking into the gym at nine at night, an hour and a half before it closed. Usually, he wouldn’t work out this late, but during the day, he had felt so unmotivated and lazy to even get out of bed. He could put the blame on Lizette because she had gone to his house the night prior, doing the same thing they always do, but he knew she wasn’t the one to blame. Something about saying no to her and having her not talk to him had physically pained him. They were in a specific arrangement, he knew that. But having someone leave him again was something he couldn’t go through. 

‘What’s Luv?’ by Fat Joe, Ja Rule, and Ashanti was playing when he set his bag down onto the ground against the wall, next to the heavy bag. He started to stretch as he took a look around; not many people were working out at this time, which he liked. 

His eyes continued to search the gym, in hopes he would find you still here. Before the slightest bit of disappointment could settle, he saw you walk out of the hallway with Jamie, smiling and laughing at something he had said. He made a face as a hint of jealousy rushed through as he saw you with Jamie. He knew that there was no point in being jealous because he barely even knew you. But for the past month that he’s been at Don’s Box, you always had this look of excitement on your face when you saw and greeted Harry. It made his stomach flutter every time you would flash him your beautiful smile as you would carry the conversation, asking him about his day and if the music was good, which he commends you for putting his favorite songs on. 

Looking away, he decided to just focus on the quick workout he could get in before the gym closed, so he retained his attention back to stretching before bending down to grab the tape from his bag to wrap his hands. 

“Uh, hi, Harry,” you smiled as you greeted him. He looked up at you. The way the light was positioned behind your head made you look like an actual angel; you were ethereal. 

He stood up and smiled softly. “Hi. How are you?” He asked, trying to contain his nerves from just looking at you. You were gorgeous, as you always are every day. You were wearing a pair of black leggings and a light pink t-shirt that was tied into a knot with the word ‘angel’ that was surrounded by wings printed in the middle. Kind of a coincidence, he thought, thinking back to when he called you an angel in his head. 

“Good, good. You’re here later than usual—without Benny too,” you pointed out, but immediately cursed at yourself for making such an odd observation and telling it to his face as if you were keeping track of the times he’s gone into the gym. 

“Yeah, I was pretty…tired during the day, so the only time I got a burst of energy was right now. And Benny is with his wife and in-laws tonight, so it’s just me tonight,” he explained with a soft chuckle. 

“Well, glad you got the chance to make it in,” you said genuinely. He simply nodded, not knowing what else to say but instead he captured himself into you as you stared at him with your captivating eyes that spoke right through him. What was happening to him? He thought. This hadn’t really happened before, and he was good at letting his walls go up and guarding his precious heart. 

“Hey, I’m gonna head out,” Jamie said, greeting you goodbye, and taking Harry out of his thoughts. “Hey, man. Have a good workout.” He shook Harry’s hand, and Harry smiled, nodding. 

“See you tomorrow,” you told Jamie, smiling a bit as you waved. Jamie left the gym, and it was just you and Harry, along with a few other people who were wrapping up their workout. 

“Are you not gonna go with him?” Harry asked, and you raised your brows in confusion. 

“Why would I go with him?” You wondered. 

“Oh, I just thought you would leave with him, y’know, your boyfriend…” he trailed off, slyly slipping in the word boyfriend in that sentence. 

You giggled, shaking your head. “No, no. Jamie isn't my boyfriend. I’ve known him since I was ten, but nothing’s ever happened between us. Besides, he has a boyfriend of his own.” Harry raised his brows in shock as his shoulders visibly relaxed. “No need to worry, Harry. I’m all yours,” you flirted a bit. You normally wouldn’t flirt so easily with someone, especially if they were a member of your gym, but something about Harry had made you release all the stress you had once you saw and talked to him. 

Harry blushed, grinning as his dimple popped out on his cheek. Your eyes lightened once you noticed that feature, making you think that he was ten times cuter than he already is. 

“You’ve been in the ring, right?” You asked curiously. Harry nodded, and the corner of your lips turned up. “Great! We have about a little less than an hour and a half, so if you’re looking for some intense cardio, I could do it with you—y’know, train you and guide you, and whatnot,” you suggested. 

If Harry’s being honest, he wasn’t planning on doing cardio today—just a few routines to get his muscles warm, but the way you’re looking at him and how you spoke to him so softly and effortlessly, he couldn’t say no. 

“Yeah, I’m up for it,” he responded. Your eye brightened, resisting the urge to squeal from excitement, telling him that you were going to get the mitts and to meet you in the ring. He chuckled slightly as you walked over to the equipment room to get the mitts. Harry quickly hit the speed bag to warm up until he saw you walk out of the room. 

He put on his gray sweater and a green packers beanie, so he could sweat more before he met you in the ring with his gloves pressed between his arm and the side of his body. You put the mitts in between your legs as Harry handed you one of the gloves. Holding onto the end of it, he put his hand inside as you pushed the glove towards him, so it would sit on his hand tightly before strapping it securely for him before proceeding to the next one. The proximity between you two was quite close as you helped him put on the gloves, and you could smell the faint scent of cologne mixed with the slightest bit of sweat, giving him that unique musk; the one that doesn’t smell horrible at all but lured you in. 

You quickly snapped out of your thoughts and looked up at Harry. “Good?” He nodded, punching the gloves together to make sure they felt comfortable. “Ready?” 

“Let’s do this,” Harry said, skipping in place to warm his body up before getting into his stance. His left leg was a few feet away from his right leg as he bounced around a bit, waiting for you. 

You faintly smirked, nodding your head before you put on the mitts. Since Harry was very familiar with the mitt workouts, you figured that you didn’t need to explain what each number represented since mostly all trainers and coaches use the same numbers for the same punch. 

“Okay, let’s warm up a bit. Give me one,” you instructed. Harry put his gloves up to protect his face as you held your right mitt up. With his left hand, he punched your mitt, not giving his full strength. “Is that all you got?” You challenged, knowing that he had more power in him. 

“I-I don’t want to hurt you,” he said honestly with a small pout, standing straight from his boxing stance. Usually, you would take offense to that statement, barking back a comment saying that just because you were a girl it didn’t mean you couldn’t take a hit, but you didn’t go that far into it, knowing Harry didn’t mean it that way whatsoever. 

“You’re not gonna hurt me, Harry. I’ve trained so many people—all with different body types and strengths. My hand has felt all different types of power, so hit the mitt like you mean it.” You hit his shoulder, building up his motivation. He nodded, getting back into his stance as did you. “Now, give me one.” 

This time, Harry’s glove met your mitt with full potential and force, and you took the hit well—not moving back or being stunned. 

“There you go! Keep going,” you told him, and he continued giving you jabs. ‘In Da Club’ by 50 Cent was blaring through the speakers as Harry breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth. Several huffs of breath came out loudly as he punched, moving and dancing around the ring with you as the two of you occasionally shifted and switched positions. 

Harry got in a few more punches before you switched it up, telling him, “1-2.” Harry jabbed with his left hand and crossed jabbed with his right hand, putting his full range of motion into his right punch. He did that combination five times as he started to feel sweat dripping down his back and the sides of his forehead. 

You were yelling out words of encouragement and motivation, praising him for his punches, to which he responded back with a better and solid punch to your mitts. 

“Nice!” You took a step back to move around the ring to take advantage of the space as Harry jumped and skipped around to wherever you directed him to. “Wanna take a break?” You asked. He shook his head no, determined to finish this workout that he couldn’t even think about wanting to take a break because he really didn’t want to. “Okay, 1-4-3,” you told him. With force, he jabbed, hooked with his left hand, and hooked with his right hand. 

This feeling that he had felt—being in the ring with you—was something entirely different than when he was in the ring with Henson or Mike. The stress that he physically carried onto his shoulder had washed away into nothingness, leaving him with a drive that didn’t include overthinking and fear. The fear that had left him worried and depressed, that his life would amount to nothing—that fear disappeared inside him once he threw the first punch. It was exhilarating and fun, and he didn’t know he could have this much fun in the ring. But this was the most pleasure he’s ever felt while boxing. 

You ordered him to do some different combinations, such as ‘1-2-3-5,’ which was a jab, cross jab, leading hook, and rear uppercut. You also included moments when he had to duck because you were swinging at him. He definitely had gotten into a rhythm, punching and moving faster. You were the trainer, the person that was supposed to instruct him, but you matched his rhythm and energy and moved quicker with him as well. 

You were starting to get a sweat in as well, and that was mostly because of the adrenaline rushing through your blood as you moved excitedly around the ring. 

After a while, a timer had gone off, telling you that it was time to close up as Harry’s focus was cut off—the sound making him look up hastily. Throughout the time you were working out with Harry, people were slowly starting to make their way out, but the two of you were too focused on working out that you hadn’t even noticed that it was just the two of you left in the gym. 

“Oh, guess we’re closing.” You stood up straighter, wiping the sweat on your forehead with your forearm. “Feelin’ good?” You asked Harry with a proud smile. 

“Feelin’ great,” he smirked. 

“Good, I’m glad. You did great!” You complimented, ripping the velcro strap with your teeth as you took off the mitts. Harry did the same, shaking out his arms as he clenched and unclenched his fists to relieve the ache from making a fist for more than an hour. 

“Thank you. You’re a really great trainer, by the way. This was…the first time I had fun in the ring,” he told you honestly, and without knowing, the slightest bit of him had opened up to you. 

Your eyes brightened, a glimpse of shimmer reflected on your eyes. “Really? Thank you, that makes me really happy, actually.” You felt like you were going to cry on the spot. No one, except your younger students, had ever told you that they had fun in the ring since most people used boxing as a way to get stronger and improve their punches. But fun? That was the first, and you would definitely keep that with you forever. 

You and Harry walked to one end of the ring as Harry held open the top two ropes with his hand as he stepped on the bottom two ropes with his foot, holding it open for you to get out. You blushed, thanking him before you got out of the ring as he followed you out. 

Once you two were on the ground, you turned around to face him. You watched as he took off his beanie, shaking his hair out as they bounced; curls were now formed into waves because of the heat and the sweat that had produced in his beanie. He looked…extra good right now. With his cheeks flushed, hair messy, and sweat dripping down his forehead, you couldn’t put into words how incredibly sexy he looked. 

You cleared your throat, not wanting to get caught for ogling him. “I, uh, have to check on some things before closing. Take your time! And I’ll see you on Monday?” You raised your brows and curled your lips in as you looked up at him. A sense of flustered-ness settled in you as you waited for his answer. 

He breathed out a chuckle as he looked down briefly before looking back into your eyes again. “Yeah, I’ll see you.” You nodded your head, waving at him before you headed over to the office. Harry smiled as he watched you walk into the hallway until he couldn’t see you anymore. 

A small blush formed onto his cheeks as he contained himself from smiling too big and too wide. He put all of his stuff back into his bag, grabbing his towel, ridding the sweat off his skin. Grabbing his belongings, he took another glance at the hallway, hoping to get another look at you before he took off, but you were occupied with closing the gym, so he didn’t bother staying any longer. 

With a small smile on his face, he walked out of the gym, taking in this new profound feeling that he’d never felt before, hoping this feeling would last. 

The next morning, Harry had a sudden urge to go back to the gym. His upper body was quite sore, but he figured he could do some leg exercises to balance the soreness he felt. He normally wouldn’t workout on the weekends since those were his rest days, but despite being sore, he didn’t feel tired. It could also do with the fact that he wanted to see you again, not wanting to wait until Monday to do that again. 

When he walked into the gym, ‘Ride Wit Me’ by Nelly was playing and his head slightly bopped to the music, walking over to the corner of the gym to warm up. He scanned the gym, looking for a particular person, but couldn’t find you. There were a decent amount of people, not too crowded or too little, so it should’ve been easy to find you. Thinking that you were probably in your office, he shook off the slight disappointment and got ready to workout. 

Throughout his workout, his head wasn’t in it. He kept glancing through the mirror to see if you had shown up, but you hadn’t. His eyes were always looking over at the front door every time someone would walk in, but a small frown settled onto his face when he realized it wasn’t you. 

He wrapped up his workout an hour later, thinking that he somewhat still got a good workout in. He walked out of the gym, saying bye to some of the guys that had caught him before he left. 

It was nearing noon when his stomach had growled, urging him to consume some food. There was a Mediterranean hole-in-the-wall restaurant right across Don’s Box, and his mouth watered at the thought of it. He walked to his car that was parked on the side of the street to drop his bag off before walking across the street to the restaurant. 

He scanned the menu, standing on the side since he didn’t know what he was ordering yet. The sound of the door ringing and a voice that was speaking to him brought him out of his thoughts. 

“Are you in line?” Harry turned his head towards the voice, and his heart nearly beating ten times faster when he saw you. He had a shocked expression on his face, not expecting to see you, especially when you were wearing the complete opposite of what he normally sees you in. You were wearing a pair of blue denim overalls with a black t-shirt underneath, along with white Reebok sneakers. You had a bit of makeup on; an orange sparkly eyeshadow look with some mascara that made your eyelashes look full and natural. Your lips were painted in a red-orange lipstick stain, bringing out more of your natural lip color. 

The beauty that Harry’s eyes were blessed with made his knees weak, sending shivers to his skin. Your angelic appearance had struck him so hard that he was sure he would see the light of day, hoping to meet you up there since you were a real-life angel. 

“Y/N…hi,” he managed to spit out. 

“Hi, Harry. Did you just workout?” You asked. 

He nodded, feeling a bit nervous. “Uh, yeah, I did.” 

“You don’t usually go in on Saturdays…” you noticed, only seeing him during the weekdays. You’re off on Saturdays, but there was one Saturday that you had gone into the gym briefly, and you didn’t see him there. 

“Yeah, I felt like going in today,” he said, obviously leaving out the part that he only went to the gym to see you again, but you didn’t need to know that bit. There was a moment of silence between you two until Harry remembered that he was probably holding up the line for you. “Oh, you could go ahead. I’m not ready to order yet.” 

You smiled, nodding your head as you stepped forward in the line. “Have you ever been here before?” 

“No, I haven’t. Do you have any suggestions?” 

You slightly squinted your eyes at him. “Do you trust me?” You asked. 

That was a difficult question for him, and somewhat vague. Did you mean overall, at the moment, or for his food order? Either way, he nodded because he knew that it didn’t matter what you meant--he had this sense of security with you that he would trust you with his life, and that said a lot, considering that he’d only known you for a month. 

“Yeah, I do trust you,” he stated honestly. 

His words brought a grin to your face, looking at him appreciatively. Based on your observations of him, you noticed that he was a bit closed off; he didn’t open himself up, and if he did, it took a lot in him to do just that. So, hearing him tell you that he trusts you made you grateful, and you would never do anything to take advantage of that trust because he didn’t just give it out easily. 

“I got you,” you simply said before turning back around towards the cashier. Harry softly smirked as he took a step forward to stand next to you. You looked at him, flashing him a toothy grin before quickly facing forward. 

You ordered your favorite dish from the restaurant, which was a beef kabab plate, for the both of you. Harry quickly got his wallet out, offering to pay, but you told him that you got it this time, hoping your words conveyed that you wanted there to be a next time. He shyly thanked you for the lunch, keeping your words in mind because he would definitely be up for a ‘next time.’ 

Luckily, you didn’t have to wait long for your order to come out, which was fortunate for Harry because he was starving. You suggested eating outside since it was a beautiful day out and Harry agreed, following you out of the restaurant. 

You two sat on the metal chairs, digging into your dishes. Harry’s mouth watered as he ate, his stomach being satisfied. There was a comfortable silence that settled between you two, only making small conversation when you asked if he liked the food, which you were glad to hear that he loved. 

“So, how long have you been running Don’s Box?” He suddenly asked, wanting to get to know you better. 

You raised your brows at his question. “For about two years now. My father, Don, opened the gym when he was twenty-five, that’s when he had me as well. But when he opened the gym, it practically changed his life. He’d boxed all of his life, and he was happy training other people when he started getting more people to come into his gym. When I was about six, he told me that he wanted me to run the gym when I turned twenty-five, only if I wanted to. But of course, I did. I looked up to him all of my life, and the gym made me happy as well,” you explained, smiling at the memory of when you were younger, being excited to turn twenty-five to do the same thing your father did. 

A soft smile appeared on Harry’s face as you reminisce on the memory. 

“How long have you been boxing?” 

“Since I was eight. Don showed me the ropes when I told him I was ready. There used to be a seating area on the side of the ring because when I was younger, I used to sit there and watch him work and train people. So, I was pretty interested and intrigued about fighting to get myself stronger, even at the young age of eight,” you chuckled. 

You were a daddy’s girl, always had been since you were born. Don had always set a pretty amazing example of how you should go about living your life. He would always say ‘Live your life with a strong punch. Keep your head up, and don’t let anything get to you because you’re so much more than what other people say. But if you need to cry, you can—there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.’ 

As your eyes watered from the thought of your father’s words, Harry watched as you got emotional and he couldn’t help but think that you’ve crossed a line in asking too many questions. 

“Sorry, I always get emotional-”

“I’m sorry if I’ve overstepped—I should’ve kept the questions to myself-”

“Oh, no! You didn’t overstep whatsoever. I’m glad you asked me those questions, I just get soft and emotional over my dad, so hence, I’m tearing up,” you let out a somewhat pathetic chuckle as you couldn’t believe that you almost cried in front of this gorgeous man. You dabbed the corners of your eyes with your napkin, stopping the tears from falling out. 

Harry nodded understandingly, waiting for you to regroup yourself. You kept apologizing, but he kept telling you that you had nothing to be sorry for. 

“Really, if you need to cry, you can…” he told you. Your eyes widened; you were just thinking about your dad’s words two minutes ago, and for Harry to say the exact same thing Don had always told you without even knowing that Don had said those words. 

Not wanting to cry in front of him, you simply nodded your head, holding the napkin on the outer corner of your eye, so the napkin would catch your tears. 

Harry quickly changed the subject, sensing that you needed it, and you really did, so you were grateful for that. He busied himself by telling you what his favorite ice cream flavor was since he was suddenly reminded that there was a shop just down the street. He kept you occupied by talking about all the sweet treats that he used to eat with his mom back home, and how much he missed walking down the streets in the city to eat some ice cream. 

“My mum used to make this really great chocolate mousse pie, and we would eat it every weekend. It was extremely sweet, but it was delicious. I really miss it…” he told you. That had been a while ago, but it was like he could still taste the dessert as if he just ate it yesterday. 

“Is your mom back home in England?” You asked, figuring that there wasn’t any harm in asking to get to know him since he asked you some questions as well. 

“Uh…actually, I don’t know where she is…” he said honestly, and you knitted your brows in confusion. “I mean, honestly. I don’t know where she is. Ever since I went to uni, she’s been all over the place, taking vacations and barely calling. I-I feel like she’s forgotten about me,” he spoke ever so softly as he was fragile. 

You listened to him intently, giving him your full attention as he was opening up a part of his life that you knew he doesn’t tell a lot of people. A part of him that he’s kept in for so long and just the passing sense of relief he felt saying those words and speaking up about this subject had made him feel so much better. 

“I’m sure she didn’t forget about you.” 

“Seemed like it. We inherited my grandfather’s will—left us a generous amount for each of us that’ll take care of us for the rest of our lives. And she took that and ran with it. I mean, I get it—she wants to live her life, and now’s the time to do that because she’s got the money for it, but I feel…abandoned. She got up, said goodbye, and just…left. It just makes me think that I’m not good enough—that I wasn’t good enough to stay.” Harry opened a can of worms that he can’t take back anymore. But the trust that he had in you already made him want to talk about everything with you; to open up about all of his stresses and insecurities. 

Boldly, you reached your arm across the table but immediately pulled away because you didn’t want to touch him without asking. But before you could open your mouth and ask, Harry had reached forward, meeting your hand halfway as his palm was facing up as if it was a way of saying ‘you can hold my hand if you want.’ Blushing, you reached forward again and took your hand into his. 

The touch was sweet and tender as you two held hands; the want to hold each other tighter was present, wanting to take away Harry’s pain. 

“Harry, you will always be good enough. I know we just met a month ago, but I already know that you’re the sweetest, kindest person. Please know that. You are enough, and I’m grateful that you’re here and that I’m sitting across from you, eating lunch,” you declared. Harry sniffled, not knowing what to say as he put his head down, so you continued. “For as long as we’re friends, I’m gonna stay.” You spoke with complete honesty as you caressed the back of his hand with your thumb. 

Harry’s head lifted up at your last statement in disbelief as if this was the first time someone had ever said that to him. 

“Really?” 

You squeezed his hand, making his heart flutter. “Yeah. As long as you want me to,” you reassured, nodding. 

Harry gave you a soft and appreciating smile as he took a deep breath. The breath that he held in throughout the entirety of the conversation was finally let out in relief. He shrunk back into his seat, still holding your hand as you continued rubbing it, and he breathed out a chuckle. It was an overwhelming feeling that was riddled with happiness and a sense of security washed over him. 

It was like he had been waiting for you; someone new that unexpectedly came into his life was scary because it was change, but it was a good change. A change for the better. He had been vulnerable enough to open himself up, and it all led to the tight bond and trust you two had with one another, sealing your friendship and relationship. 

And you both knew this moment was going to change everything. 

Time had passed by rather quickly as it was nearing the end of October. The weather was getting chillier as the sun was beginning to disappear behind the clouds earlier. There was something about the fall weather that Harry adored. It may have to do with the fact that the gloomy sky had occurred more often, or how he got to call it a night early. Whatever it may be, he liked it, or he used to. 

In recent times, he wanted the sun to stay out until it was time to go to bed. He wanted warm days instead of gloomy. His new changed attitude towards life had to do with you. 

You and Harry had been hanging out quite a lot; getting to know one another, getting a bite or drink, and working out together, it definitely gave Harry the chance to let go of his past. He was happier, smiled more, and laughed a lot which he didn’t know he was capable of doing those things again until he met you. 

Benny loved it, though. He sure cherished it because seeing his best friend happy again was something he was afraid he wouldn’t see again. But that didn’t stop him from having a little talk with you, trying to protect Harry and set you straight. 

When Harry was occupied with hitting the speed bag, Benny walked over to the ring, where you had just finished another class with your younger students. 

“Hey, Benny!” You greeted him once you saw him walk towards you. 

“Hey, do you mind chatting for a minute?” You raised your brows, nodding your head. Benny usually didn’t talk to you privately nor was it anything serious, but by the look on his face, it seemed pretty serious. “So, you’ve been hanging out with Harry a lot, hmm?” 

You smiled softly. “Yeah! Hope you don’t mind that? Know I’m taking your best friend and all…” 

“No, I don’t mind. I’m actually glad you are. He seems quite taken by you, and I haven’t seen him like that in a very long time,” Benny said honestly. You seemed to know where this conversation was going now, and now that you thought about it, you expected this from Benny because they were like brothers and Benny would do anything to protect Harry. “What I’m trying to say is…if you’re only hanging out with him to fuck with him, don’t bother. He’s been through enough, and I know he can’t handle anymore of that and I can’t stand to see him like that again.” 

“Like what?” You hesitatingly asked. 

“Like…just know that he was a mess. He couldn’t get up, eat, drink, shower, or anything. I had to physically help him. I don’t want to see him like that ever again.” Benny shook his head as if he was reliving the horrible nightmare that he went through a few years ago. 

“Is this about his mom?” 

“He told you that?” He asked, just to make sure, and you nodded. “Kind of. But that’s only half of it. He’ll tell you when he’s ready, but I’ve already said too much. Just…take care of him, okay? He tries to act tough sometimes, but he’s trying his best to not break down. Although, I haven’t seen that kind of look on him since he’s been hanging out with you, so you’re probably doing something right.” 

You nodded understandingly. “Thanks for talking to me. I don’t plan on breaking his heart at all, and I’m quite taken with him myself,” you admitted. 

“Good. I’m glad you are. He’s a great guy.” Benny smiled, and you agreed. 

Benny didn’t talk to you for much longer before he started getting cold from standing around, so he ended the conversation and went back to working out. 

Meanwhile, as you and Benny were talking, Don took the chance himself to talk to Harry, seeing as you were occupied. 

“Harry.” Don made himself present around him. 

Harry immediately stopped his workout, greeting your father. “What’s up, Don?” 

“So, I’ve noticed that you’ve been hanging around Y/N a lot.” Don’s stance changed as he crossed his arms, sporting a slight frown. Harry gulped; he always found Don to be quite intimidating, ever since he joined the gym, but Harry didn’t want to seem like he couldn’t have a serious conversation with the father of the woman that he’s slowly falling for--no, he couldn’t act like that. “What’s that all about?” Don added. 

“I’m just…we’re friends, so we’re just hanging out. Nothing more,” he told Don honestly. Although he would like there to be more, he didn’t know how you felt about him or if you even felt anything for him at all. 

Don nodded. He could tell that Harry was holding back on something he wanted to say, and he had an idea of what that was. So, he let loose of the intimidating and protective act, knowing that wasn’t really him anyway, and his expression softened as he uncrossed his arms. He placed a comforting hand on Harry’s shoulder, taking a deep breath. 

“You have this look of wanting to say more and you don’t have to tell me, but I will tell you this…if you want to date her and go out with her, you can. This isn’t approval and a ‘yes’ for you to take her out because I don’t need to do that--she can make her own decisions. All I’m saying is that if you want to, go for it. Life is too fuckin’ short to not do anything, to not say anything.” 

Harry’s shoulders relaxed and he smiled in appreciation at Don’s words. “Thanks, Don. I definitely want to take her out, but I just don’t know how she feels about me.” 

“Oh, I’m pretty sure she feels something for you--she hasn’t told me, but I just know. You’re the first guy in a while that she’s been hanging around with consistently, and that comforts me, in a way. Knowing that she’s living her life and not holding back anymore.” Harry stayed silent, taking his words in. He tried not to overanalyze what Don had said because you’ll tell him and open up to him when you want to, just like how you’re patiently waiting for Harry to open up fully as well. “Just…don’t break her heart, okay? She’s been through enough and I just want her to be happy.” 

Harry nodded understandingly, saying a soft ‘okay’ before Don changed the subject and talked about how  Harry should train with him one of these days, which Harry immediately said yes to and they planned for the following week to train. Don left him to finish his workout, telling him to have a nice night as you and Harry were going out to dinner. 

Benny and Harry finished up their workout, and before they were able to head out the front door, Harry stopped, telling Benny to give him a minute. Harry fast-walked towards you, lugging his bag on his shoulder. You were coming out of your office, which was why Harry couldn’t say goodbye to you after his workout. 

“Hey, we’re heading out,” he said, wiping the bit of sweat on the back of his neck with his towel. 

“Oh, okay. I’ll see you later?” 

“Yeah, I’ll pick you up,” Harry suggested, pursing his lips into his mouth as he contained his smile. You nodded, eyes sparkling as you looked up at him. “I’ll, uh, page you,” he slightly smirked. 

“Okay,” you mindlessly responded as you were getting quite lost in his green eyes that looked at you intently with a gleam that sat so perfectly against his irises, making his eyes glimmer brightly.

He gave you one last smile and a little wave before walking out of the gym with Benny. You were left stunned as you stood there, completely drifted away from reality as you were in a dream about Harry. You felt a small nudge on your shoulder, causing you to snap out of your thoughts and dream as you turned around to see your father laughing. 

“Get back to work.” A smug plastered on his face. 

A breathy chuckle was released from your mouth as a hint of embarrassment emerged onto your face with wide eyes. You got back to work, focusing your attention on training your next client, but your mind was racing at the thought of Harry. 

As he promised, Harry paged you when he was outside of your apartment complex. He wanted to knock on your door like the proper gentleman that he is, but the buzzer machine to let people in wasn’t working, so paging you would have to do for now. He waited for you outside of his newly washed car, making sure it was nice and clean for you as he leaned against the passenger door. 

You walked out of your building, and Harry was immediately blown away. You were wearing a black skirt with stockings that hugged your legs, and a white knitted sweater since it was on the chillier side. 

Every time he saw you, his heart would beat incredibly fast, pulse pounding through his veins. His stomach was in flits of butterflies, soaring in his heart and stomach, making him extremely nervous. Every time he saw you, everything would stop, like you were the only person in the world and everything was okay. 

“Hey, H,” you flashed him your smile, one that he looked forward to every time he saw you. 

“H-Hi,” he stuttered, clearing his throat to start over. “Hi. You look really nice.” 

You blushed. “Thank you! You look great as well. Love this top.” You reached forward, lightly tugging at his red-orange knitted long-sleeve. He paired it with blue jeans that flared at the bottom with white sneakers. His fingers were covered in beautiful silver rings, making his hands look quite gorgeous. 

“Thank you, shall we?” 

“Yeah, oh, I got you something.” You reached into your bag to take out the cased CD, and before Harry was about to protest, you handed it to him. “I made you this mixtape. Just some songs that I think you’ll like—I’m sure you know all of them, but they just made me think of you,” you said shyly. 

You weren’t normally shy and you would call yourself a pretty strong and confident person, but you had been so nervous to give this to him—even making the tape left you anxious and shaking. 

“Wow, this is…very thoughtful of you. Thank you so much.” Harry looked at the CD with the songs written in your handwriting. There were 10 songs, and Harry knew all of them. They were all…romantic songs. 

“That’s not weird, right? Y’know, making you a mixtape?” You asked unsurely. The odd feeling had popped into your mind at the last second as you watched Harry observe the CD, not giving a bad nor good reaction to your gift. 

“No, not at all! I really appreciate this. No one has ever made a mixtape for me before, so this is really nice and special. Thank you again.” He reached forward, wrapping one arm around your shoulders as both of your arms found their way around his waist. You somewhat weren’t convinced that he liked it, and he could tell just by how you were looking at him--looking for some more reassurance--that it seemed like he didn’t like it. When he pulled away, he looked at you before saying, “Really, it makes me happy that you took the time to make this for me. It’s so sweet and thoughtful of you, and I already love all the songs on here, so I’m one-hundred-percent going to enjoy this.” 

You nodded, smiling softly as he opened the door for you and you thanked him, blushing as you got in. It seemed very much like a date and you couldn’t help but smile at the thought of that. 

Harry drove to the sandwich shop that waited for you both. It was twenty minutes away on the other side of the town, but Harry had been raving about it so much to you that you told him that you two should go, which Harry was more than happy to take you. 

The sound of Boyz II Men filled the speakers of Harry’s car as the two of you sang your hearts out to ‘On Bended Knees,’ putting full emotion and passion into singing. You held up your water bottle, pretending that it was a microphone, and Harry kept shifting his gaze on you, trying to keep his eyes on the road, but also wanting to look at you as you sang. He smiled to himself, absolutely loving how you were so carefree--something that he admired about you. 

His heart fluttered, curling his lips into his mouth before he did something that was quite bold of him to do. Reaching over, he grabbed your hand, intertwining your fingers together. Your body was frozen, but you continued to sing, covering up the fact that Harry was holding your hand so casually. You were stiff as a board, so you tried loosening up, swaying your body from side to side, slightly averting your eyes towards him as he continued to drive. 

The moonlight cast through the car window, giving him a dim glow, accentuating his features; jawline prominent, his lashes shadowed down onto his cheeks, and his eyes were calm; the light reflecting against his glassy green eyes. Your heartbeat a million miles a minute as you looked at him. You had this appreciation and admiration for him--that you were lucky and grateful that you have him and that there was nothing more beautiful than the man sitting beside you. 

With your face on fire, you smiled as you carried on, singing with the warmth of Harry’s hand connected with yours. 

You were sitting across Harry, munching on your sandwich as you listened to him talk about how he wanted to actually find a job. He’s been sitting around, living quite wealthy as his inheritance sat safely. But he’d been getting bored. Every day was a routine for him and it was a pretty boring routine, he would say. The only places he really went to were the gym and the places that the two of you went together, but that was it. He needed a hobby, something that he could escape to that doesn’t require breaking a sweat from punching bags and mitts. 

“You said you like books, so maybe you could see if the bookstore down the street from the gym is hiring. That would be a nice little place to work at,” you suggested. 

Harry’s eyes lightened up, apart from thinking that was a great idea and the other part from being surprised that you remembered such a small detail about him when he’d talked about books briefly with you. 

“I should definitely do that, thank you. I love that bookstore, it’s-”

“Y/N?” Harry was interrupted by a man who had walked over to your table. Harry looked up, observing the guy as he was looking at you so intently. He quickly looked at you as you were looking up at the man with a shocked expression on your face, wide eyes and mouth slightly opened. 

“Uh, hi,” you said, feeling slightly uncomfortable. Your eyes glanced at Harry and he had a worried expression on his face, eyes asking if you were okay. You nodded softly, bringing your attention back to him. 

“I-I’ve been calling the gym and paging you, but you haven’t been answering any of them…” the man mentioned slyly. You were quite speechless, not expecting him to be here and not knowing what to say. 

“I, uh-”

“Can we talk right now?” He asked. You were flickering your eyes between Harry, someone that you were completely infatuated with, and the man that you were completely irritated with. But if you didn’t talk to him right now, he wouldn’t leave you alone and wouldn’t stop calling you, so you made the mistake of saying a soft ‘okay’ as you got up, looking over at Harry, giving a subtle smile. 

Just by the way he was looking at you, you knew you had regretted your decision and you wished that you hadn’t given in so easily. 

Once you were outside, you crossed your arms, in a way to seem reserved and closed off, but in reality, you really were. The uncomfortableness you felt was something you haven’t felt in a while as it felt like your stomach was boiling as bile salivated your mouth. Your fists were hidden underneath your arms, clenching, and your lips were curled into your mouth to immediately spew inappropriate sayings and vile remarks. 

“What do you want to talk about?” You asked, brows pinched together. 

“I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for quite a while now, but I just wanted to talk. I hate how we ended things…” he said remorsefully. You tried not to fall for the pouty look he was giving you as if he knew quite well you would fall for it. 

“It’s been six months, Max,” you reminded him. You and Max had an ugly breakup, and you had been picking up your own pieces yourself. You two had been together for nearly a year until he started to act differently. Noticing that he was going home late, staying at the bars until the early hours of the morning, and being quite rude and dismissive towards you, it ended in a screaming match where he ended up spitting out rude comments at you--calling you ugly, useless, and boring. It also caused him to confess that he was cheating on you for half the time you were together with him, and you thought that was a lie he made up just to make you angry, but a month after the breakup, you had found out that was true because you had accidentally bumped into the girl he was cheating on you with. At the time, you couldn’t blame him because the girl was absolutely gorgeous and seemed a lot of fun, but now, you know your worth and you absolutely didn’t deserve that whatsoever. 

For six months, you hadn’t seen him, but he had been leaving you countless calls to the gym phone. However, Max wouldn’t dare to step foot in the gym ever again because Don had clearly threatened him when he saw Max on the street, pinning him up against the brick wall by his shirt and yelling in his face that if he ever came close to you or the gym ever again, he wouldn’t see the end of the day. 

Don would’ve lost his shit if he saw Max in front of you. 

“This is pointless. I was fine living my life for the past six months without you. In fact, I haven’t even thought about you until you showed up. Couldn’t you see I was doing just fine? Why can’t you just leave me alone?” Your tone was scornful, not wanting to be in front of him anymore but instead the lovely man inside. 

“I just assumed you wanted some sort of closure…” 

“If I wanted closure, then I would’ve called you. But I don’t need closure. I was doing okay-” 

“With who? That man inside the restaurant?” He interrupted, brows raised. His demeanour suddenly changed just because you had given him the slightest bit of attitude. Max went from soft, wanting forgiveness to the Max that you saw last--completely offensive, rude, and a dickhead.  

“Yeah, his name is Harry, by the way. I was doing okay until you showed up!” You rolled your eyes, making your way back inside to Harry, who was waiting for you inside. 

Of course, Max wasn’t done until he got the last word, so he yelled out, “You know, whatever you’re doing with him, he’s gonna leave you; just like how I left you.” You slowly turned around, heart aching as his words had definitely done something this time. “You think Harry cares about you Y/N? Think again, he’s gonna leave you and you’re gonna be alone. You’re nothing, Y/N--not without me, at least. You aren’t worth anything, and you had to take over your dad’s gym to feel like you are. Stop fooling yourself.” 

Your eyes watered, trying your hardest not to let them slip from your eyes. You had already felt weak tearing up in front of him, so you couldn’t imagine what he would think if you bawled your eyes out. Suddenly, you heard the bell above the restaurant door chime. You didn’t bother turning around, but you somehow knew that it was Harry who was behind you. 

“Everything alright here?” Harry asked warily, eyes pointed towards you. 

“Yeah, man. See you, Y/N.” With that, he walked away, hopefully for good. Harry knew everything wasn’t alright with how you’re ready to burst into tears. As much as he wanted to follow him, force an answer out of him as to why you were in such distress, he was more worried about you. 

Standing in front of you, Harry placed an arm on your shoulder, his other hand held the brown paper bag that had both of your leftovers as he didn’t want to eat without you. Your body was tense, not because of Harry’s touch but because of the words that had taken such an effect on you, and you were doing everything to not break down in the middle of the sidewalk. 

“Hey, you okay?” Harry asked softly, bending down slightly to look you in the eyes. Your eyes were pointed down at the ground, thinking that if you looked Harry in the eyes, you were going to break. 

“Uh, c-can you take me to the gym, please?” You asked once you fully gained the courage to speak, but your voice was shaky. 

Harry immediately nodded. “Yeah, yeah, of course. Let’s go.” He put his arm around your shoulders and you comfortably nuzzled into his side as he guided you to his car. 

The drive back was silent—the complete opposite from the drive to the restaurant. Instead of happiness radiating out of your bodies, the space felt gloomy. Harry’s mind had spiraled as he drove, thinking about what that man could have possibly said to you. He was torn between wanting to be angry, but he was more concerned for you because you had never been this silent before. 

Once Harry was in front of the gym, you immediately got out before he was able to turn off the car. Using your keys, you unlocked the front door, turning off the alarm system before throwing your purse, not caring where it landed and rushed towards the heavy bags. 

This was where you let all your anger out. The place where you screamed at the top of your lungs with no care on who might hear you. This was your safe space, and if someone was going to judge you for utilizing your safe space, then they didn’t belong there. 

You screamed, punched, and kicked the heavy bag with full force as your tears had streamed down your face. Your heart was beating painfully with every scream you forced out of your body. Your punches were solid, making the bag swing back and forth, but your knuckles were starting to redden because you didn’t wrap your hands. 

Harry quickly followed you, a frown plastered on his face as he watched you let your anger out all on the heavy bag. He let you do your thing, watching from the sidelines before he waited for the right moment to cut in. 

“You. Fucking. Stupid. Piece. Of. Shit,” you yelled out with every punch. You sniffled, continuing to punch the bag, eyes glossy from your endless amount of tears. 

The friction from the leather and your bare skin was rubbing against each other, cutting and peeling open your skin. Your hands had numbed the pain, so you carried on with your punches until Harry had wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you into his chest and away from the heavy bag once he started to see redness and blood scattered onto your knuckles. You screamed, your body protesting, wanting to continue punching, but you knew you didn’t have any more energy. 

Turning around in his arms, your face was met with his chest, sobbing into his shirt. Harry’s hands soothed your back, comforting you as his heart ached from the sadness you radiated. Your bloody hands clutched his shirt as you cried, tears staining his shirt. Your whines and whimpers filled the empty gym, echoing back at you. 

Everything hurt—your heart, eyes, body, and your hands were now starting to sting. Harry held you tighter, carefully taking a seat onto the ground and bringing you down with him. You sat in between his legs and your head rested on his shoulder. 

After a moment, he felt you calm down and your body physically relaxed. Mindlessly, his hand brushed your hair back from your forehead, pressing a kiss to your skin. Harry hadn’t realized he did that until he pulled away and he hoped he hadn’t crossed a line by doing that. But when he kissed your forehead, you pulled him closer, burying your face into his neck. 

“Talk to me—tell me what you need, angel,” he said softly, wanting to help and be there for you. The nickname had completely slipped out as he’d been calling you that in his head. He’d never seen you break down at all, so this was very new to him. 

You shook your head, nickname going over your head. “Nothing. Just you.” 

Harry nodded his head, heart fluttering at your words as he held you tighter. He continued to soothe your hair and back as he heard you sigh deeply at the comfort. Looking down at your hands, he realized they were still bloody and cut up, and he knew that your cuts needed to be treated as soon as possible. 

“Can I take care of your hands? I’m still gonna be close, just wanna bandage you up.” You sniffled, nodding your head. Harry slightly smiled, carefully getting up before helping you up. He wrapped his arm around your shoulder, first asking you where the first aid kit was, and you two walked to one of the offices to get the kit before going to the restroom. “Wanna sit?” He asked, patting the cold counter. Nodding your head, you placed your hands on the counter, but he quickly stopped you, taking off his jacket for you to sit on. 

“Thank you,” you softly said to him gratefully before jumping to sit on the counter. 

Harry opened the box that contained multiple and different types of bandages, an instant cold pack, thermometer, antiseptic wipes, and scissors. Harry washed his hands well before grabbing the antiseptic wipe and ripping it open. He situated himself between your legs, gently grabbing your hand to rest on his. He looked up at you, first asking you if it was okay to start, and when you said yes, he slowly and carefully started to wipe the area around the cut. 

You watched him as he cleaned your cuts; he was so focused on wiping the blood that stained your skin and was careful not to press too hard because you were starting to bruise already. As you watched him, you felt immensely grateful. It’d been a while since you had a true friend that would help you with anything and take care of you. Your feelings for him had skyrocketed, heart pounding so loud you could feel it in your ears. 

“The guy at the restaurant was my ex-boyfriend, Max,” you suddenly said. Harry looked up at you to let you know that he was listening as he continued to clean your hands. “It was a bit of a messy breakup; he called me names, insulted me, and confessed that he was cheating on me. When I saw him at the restaurant, that was the first time since the breakup, and it was like I relived that day again.” 

“Did he say anything to you?” Harry asked, holding back his anger because he knew the answer,  Harry watched through the window the entire time and noticed your posture and demeanor change, causing Harry to quickly pay and rush outside just in case anything happened. 

“Y-Yeah.” Your voice croaked. “Said I didn’t amount to anything—that I wasn’t anything without him-”

“That’s bullshit, Y/N-”

“I’m so mad at myself.” Tears were forming in your eyes again as you looked down at your lap. Redness brimmed your eyelids as you sniffled. 

“What? Why?” Harry asked confusingly. 

You shook your head at yourself. “For years, I’ve been training—learning how to defend myself for when I need it. I was raised to have a strong mindset, to not take shit from anyone because Don told me not to. But when he came around, I didn't say a word, let alone move a muscle. I hate how he made me weak. I hate how I didn’t stand up for myself.” Your voice was shaky and your tears streamed down your face as you paused for a moment. “He told me that you were gonna leave me just like everyone else in my life did,” you added. 

Harry was seething, breathing in through his nose as his face hardened. He masked his anger because his priority was to comfort you, so he tried to let go of his anger for a moment. 

“Listen to me.” He placed his hands on the outside of your legs, bending down to look you in the eyes. Your glossy eyes looked at him, a small pout on your face. “You’re the strongest person I know, alright, angel?” This time, you heard the pet name loud and clear, making your heart do backflips. “You didn’t let him walk all over you, no, you’re much more mature than him to ever start something. He wanted to see you angry, and frustrated. He wanted to add fuel to the fire, and you didn’t give him the satisfaction. You aren’t weak at all. You’ve got a strong heart, and I’m sure that punch of yours to his nose would damage it for good.” 

You breathed out a chuckle at his last statement, nodding, knowing he was right. Harry smiled, dimples showing proudly as he wiped the tears that were falling from your eyes. Giving him a half-smile, you leaned forward, pressing your face against his collarbones. He stood up straight to wrap his arms around your back. You daringly placed a kiss onto the exposed skin that was peeking out from his shirt. Harry’s face warmed up at the touch that was so soft and delicate, yet felt like it was burning through his skin. You pulled away, looking up at him as you thanked him. 

Your eyes darted between his eyes and his lips as your face was just inches away from him. His face was delicate and his beauty shined over the darkness of the world. It was as if he didn’t seem real like you couldn’t believe someone so beautiful and breathtaking was standing right in front of you. You studied every curve, movement, and freckle on his face as they all very well defined him, heightening your admiration with every look of his perfections and imperfections. 

Harry blushed under your stare, clearing his throat as he felt nervous. He pulled his face away a tad bit, offering you a small smile. “Of course. Always gonna be here for you. Now, let me just finish cleaning your hands before taking you home.” 

You nodded, letting him finish with his task. His hands were gentle as he wrapped the bandage around your hand. Your heart was filled with so much admiration and gratitude that you simply wouldn’t know what to do if Harry weren’t there today. The growing feelings had taken over your heart and mind that you were a bit scared, but nonetheless, you let them take over. 

Harry sat at the bar next to Benny, nursing a beer he had ordered ten minutes ago. It had been a while since they hung out together, but that was because Benny was trying to get his wife pregnant, so when Marianne calls, they spent their time baby-making. The other reason was that Harry was spending most of his time with you, which he loved every minute of. 

“So, a little bird told me that you’ve been going to the gym on Saturdays now,” Benny mentioned, a hint of tease in his tone. 

Harry chuckled. “Really? And who told you that?” He asked, taking a sip of his beer. 

“Starts with a D and ends with an N,” Benny laughed, giving you the obvious answer. 

“Well, I’ve been going in on Saturdays because Don always schedules our training sessions on Saturdays. Nothing else,” he slightly lied. After his first training day with Don, Harry told Don that he wanted to continue training with him because he gets a good workout with him rather than by himself, hitting the heavy bag or speed bag, so Don always scheduled for Saturdays since those were the easiest days. 

But other than the training sessions, he also got to see you on Saturdays, which he really enjoyed because sometimes after his workout, you two would grab a bite to eat or plan to hang out later that day. He liked it, he liked you. 

“Hmm, interesting. It doesn’t have to do with a particular trainer who also happens to own the gym?” Benny raised his brows. 

“Not really into Don, to be honest,” Harry joked, bouncing around Benny’s question. They both laughed, slamming their hand on the bar top. 

“Really, though. I’m happy for you. You’ve been in such a happier mood, and that’s all I want—is for you to be happy. She’s doing a great job,” Benny said honestly. Seeing his friend happy after everything he’s been through had lifted a certain weight off of his shoulders, and it seemed like he didn’t need to worry about Harry. 

Harry simply nodded, smiling as words weren’t necessary. He always felt like Benny was always concerned about him, and although he appreciated him being worried, he didn’t need to anymore because Harry was finally feeling much happier than he was before. 

“There you are.” A voice was suddenly heard next to Harry along with a hand on his shoulder. Harry tensed up, and he hadn’t in a while, but he knew that wasn’t your voice nor was it your touch. Harry turned his head to the side to find Lizette sitting on the stool next to him, giving him a smug smile. He didn’t say anything but look at Benny, and saw his eyes narrow, confused as to why Lizette was here. “I’ve been calling your home and paging you. Why haven’t you been answering me?” She pouted. 

Harry knew that pout all too well. She used it to trick you into saying yes to her and getting what she wanted, but Harry was stronger than that now; he knew how to hold his ground. 

He hadn’t seen Lizette ever since the week before he joined Don’s Box. With all of his time spent with you, he hadn’t really thought about Lizette, if he’s being honest. You had fully taken every inch and space of his mind that it was maximum capacity, but he still found a way to make space from the invading thoughts of you. 

“Just been…busy, Lizette, that’s all,” he said, not giving her his full attention as he looked at his bottle. 

“Too busy for me?” 

“Yeah, something like that.” He didn’t want to outright be rude to her because naturally, Harry was a kind and thoughtful man, so he kept his harsh thoughts to himself. 

She inched closer to Harry, close enough to where her mouth was against his ear as she whispered, “Well, since I so happened to run into you, how about we go back to yours?”

Harry took a deep breath. He felt like he was his old self again—making impulsive and not so thought out decisions that end up fucking him and his emotions over in the future. Being with Lizette was something, and it helped make him feel a little less lonely, even though she immediately left right after she got what she wanted. 

But Harry hadn’t felt lonely at the moment and in months. He had his best friend next to him, having a drink, and he had you. He wasn’t lonely at all. So, why was he getting off the stool and putting his coat on before closing his tab for the night? 

Benny’s eyes widened, looking at Harry as if he was asking what the actual fuck was he doing. Harry simply shrugged, patting his friend on the back before following Lizette out of the bar. The air was cold, but it wasn’t a delightful cold that he wanted to be in. It almost seemed kind of eerie as the gray clouds hovered over them. 

Lizette hugged Harry’s arm. “I’m glad you agreed.” She leaned up to kiss his cheek, but he immediately pulled away, taking his arm out of her hold. 

“You should go home,” he told her. Her mouth opened, but nothing came out as she was confused. “Get a ride home. I’m not taking you home nor am I going with you. I don’t want to do this anymore, Lizette.” 

“But you came with me-”

“That didn’t mean I was saying yes to your offer. I came out here with you to get you off of me and not embarrass me in front of my friend and the entire bar.” Harry’s voice was stern as he crossed his arms. “I know you’ve never really cared about me, so please just do me a favor and leave. I’m happier now-”

“You’re happier? With some other girl, huh?” Harry nodded and Lizette rolled her eyes, expression annoyed as she was beginning to get angry and defensive. “You think she cares? Guess what, Harry, she doesn’t. She’s gonna leave you just like your mom left you, your ex-girlfriend left you. Remember when she fucked your best friend in college? That she left you to be with him? And look at them now, they’re married! They don’t give a single fuck about you! What makes you think that this girl you’re seeing does?” 

Lizette had definitely hit a nerve. Harry had gone four years without hearing the story on how his ex left him for one of his friends from uni. The situation was quite sad, and it left Harry in pieces. Not to mention, Lizette was his ex’s best friend and she somehow seduced him into regularly having sex with her, which wasn’t entirely her fault because Harry was lonely and needed to feel something to fill the void of his loneliness. 

“Don’t think you’re so easy to love, Harry. It takes a lot of effort to do that, especially with you. You’re gonna continue being scared and closed off, and people are gonna continue to run away-”

“Harry?” Lizette was suddenly interrupted by you. You were walking to the bar because Benny had invited you, thinking that it would’ve been a nice surprise for Harry and to hang out with just the three of you. But you had seen Harry and some woman on the street and his face looked angry. “Uh, hi.” 

You turned towards the unknown woman as she looked you up and down before turning towards Harry, raising her brows as she figured out who you were and who Harry had been spending so much time with. 

Harry completely blocked you out, his attention was towards the statements Lizette had made. He had been doing so much better, and all of a sudden the relapse hit him ten times harder, like his accomplishment of being okay with himself completely disappeared. 

 Was he that hard to love? He knew that he pushed people away, that’s for sure, but he didn’t realize that it was difficult to love him. Harry then thought about the people that had left him because they didn’t love him enough to stay. His ex left him for his friend, it seemed like his mum had forgotten about him, and soon enough, Benny was gonna get tired of him and so were you. 

“And you are?” You asked, scowling at the woman in front of you. Lizette smirked, seeing as there was an opportunity right in front of her. She didn’t find you 

intimidating whatsoever. 

“Oh, guess Harry didn’t tell you, but we’ve been sleeping with each other for years. Friends with benefits, if you will,” Lizette answered with some sass and a snarl to her tone as she watched your expression turn into a hurtful one. 

Your face had softened as your eyes welled up with tears, but you didn’t dare let them fall. You looked at Harry and it seemed like he was in his head, but you had no clue he was ‘seeing someone.’ It felt like you had been cheated on, even though going out as friends didn’t mean anything to a fuck buddy. All of the moments you spent with him—the laughs, storytelling, training, and tension-filled moments had connected you both to one another. It made you feel special that you were seeing a side of Harry that no one else had, but you were wrong. 

“Guess you’re the new girl he’s seeing?” 

“What’s it to you?” Your brows knitted. 

Lizette shrugged. “Nothing. Just know that Harry’s difficult and loveless. So, just get out while you can.” She reached over to touch your shoulder, but you quickly stepped back before she could. She was talking as if Harry wasn’t right next to you two, and if this was a ‘women looking out for women’ type of situation, you weren’t going to accept it because she outright just insulted Harry. 

You were livid as your eyes turned dark, stepping closer to her. “Stay away from him, or I swear to god-”

“Or what? What are you gonna do?” Lizette challenged, stepping closer. She was slightly taller than you since she wore four-inch leather boots.

“Wanna find out? Next time I see you with him or hear you talk shit about him again, then you’ll find out because I can guarantee you’ll never see the light of day.” You held eye contact with her as she looked at you with such fierce emotion. 

“Cute. Harry’s got a little bodyguard,” she scoffed, stepping back. “I should go,” Lizette suddenly said, breaking you out of your heartbreaking thoughts. “I’ll call you,” she told Harry, despite what you had just said. It seemed like he wasn’t even listening as his blank stare was trained onto the ground. She walked away, her heels clicking against the cement. The satisfaction she felt right now felt good, knowing her words had definitely affected you both. 

When Lizette was far enough, you turned back towards Harry. This time, he was looking at you in a confused state, and it didn’t seem like him. 

“I-I didn’t know you were seeing someone-”

“You should go…” he said straightforwardly. You raised your brows as you were taken back. 

“I’m sorry?” 

“You should leave. For good. Get out of my life while you can. I promise I won’t get mad.” His voice cracked and was shaky. He couldn’t even look you in the eye while he was talking because he knew that would break his heart even more, especially if you were to actually leave for good. The negative thoughts had taken over, and this was what he did—pushing people away and giving them a way out before they realized that Harry wasn’t a lovable or worthy enough person to stay around for. 

“What makes you think I’m going anywhere?” You questioned confusingly. You wondered if he even thought about the conversation you two had a few moments ago when you had told him that you were staying for good. 

“They all do, anyway. They all leave and they never come back.” His voice was starting to raise slightly, frustration and anger pouring out of his veins as his eyes were starting to tear up. A pout remained on your face as you watched the distress never leave his angelic face. “Just please go.”

“I’m not going anywhere-”

“Why won’t you-”

“Because I care! Why don’t you get that?” You raised your voice, not too loud to startle him, but enough to convey your emotions and frustrations to him. 

“Because you’re going to eventually! You’re gonna leave and use me and never love me. I’m used to it, so you could go now!” Harry was starting to cry, light sobs were coming out of his mouth as he was trying to hold them back. You took a step forward, wanting to comfort him as your heart broke at the sight, but he stepped back, not wanting your touch. 

Your heart sank when he stepped back away from you because he had never done that before. You two were always comfortable with one another that both of your touches had felt like security. Your tears had streamed down your face, quickly wiping them. 

“Harry, I’m not gonna leave…” 

“It’s fine. You don’t know what it’s like for someone to leave and never come back. You don’t know what it’s like to feel completely loveless that someone physically had to get out of your life and not want to be in it anymore. You don’t know what it’s like!” He spoke firmly as he cried, tugging his curly locks in frustration. 

“I don’t know what it’s like?” You spoke loudly, and Harry looked up at you. “I know exactly what it’s like because my own mother left me when I was eleven-years-old, and I have no idea why!” You vented, sniffling. “You don’t think I know what it’s like to constantly wonder what you’re doing wrong because the people that were supposed to be there for you completely vanished? Because I do! I know that feeling quite well. So, don’t tell me I don’t know shit because it seems like we’re in the same boat.” 

Harry was speechless. Sure, you two had been close and had talked about your lives and childhood, but this was something that you two had to dig deep for because it wasn’t something you regularly spoke about nor did you tell new people that you’d just met. 

“I-I’m sorry I had no idea…” 

“You couldn’t have had any idea, Harry. But just know that that day my mom left me still confuses me. The look on my dad’s face when he told me that mom left still haunts me. The crying I did since I was eleven hurts me because she didn’t love me enough to stay.” 

“Y/N…” 

“It’s fine, I get it. I know we’ve known each other for only a few months, but I did not expect this from you, especially because of all that we’d talked about. I’d say I’m the newest person in your life but I’m also the closest, besides Benny. So, don’t shut me out.” Your heart was beating through your chest and all of your emotions began to pile up like they were leaves, falling from the branches of the trees. 

Harry looked defeated, knowing that you were right. He sniffled, not knowing what else to say because all he felt was a painful feeling in his chest since Lizette had gone up to him at the bar. 

When he didn’t say anything, you just nodded, knowing that it was best to give him some space so he could realize that you were here for him and that you weren’t going anywhere. 

“Call me when you wanna talk…” you told him before turning around. Harry watched you—he knew that he should go after you, not be scared and let you in, perhaps tell you that he’s practically in love with you, but he doesn’t move, feet glued to the ground. 

When you were only a few feet away, you turned back around, knowing that you hadn’t gotten your final words out yet. Harry looked up when he heard footsteps approaching him. 

“Fuck whatever people say to you; trying to degrade and bring you down because whatever they say, it’s not true. I will always be there to defend you, Harry. Don’t think I won’t be because I will always be on your side.” You paused for a moment. Your heart was fully opening and was beginning to be vulnerable. Trying not to let it overwhelm you, you continued. “Don’t think you’re not easy to love because you are. You’re extremely easy to love, y’know that? I would know because…I love you. And that’s crazy to say because we’ve only known each other for a short period of time, but I can’t help what I feel. So, there you go.” 

Before Harry was able to say anything, you walked away, and he could hear you sniffling and crying. Harry’s mouth was ajar, completely speechless and shocked, but his heart fluttered as he took in your words. You really loved him, he thought. No one had said those words and really meant them or they hadn’t felt real to him when he heard them, so the shock that he felt was new. 

You were far enough where Harry couldn’t see you. He hadn’t even moved an inch, and he knew that later on, he was going to be very disappointed in himself for not chasing you down and telling you that he loved you too. But for now, he needed to take it all in and hope that when he did tell you, it wouldn’t be too late. 

Taking a deep breath, you walked inside to your apartment, sniffling as you went straight to the bathroom to take a long and hot shower. Before you left your place to go to the bar, you had been contemplating your appearance because you wanted to look good. Nerves were all over your body as you were getting ready, and you sulked at how the events had completely turned tonight around. 

When you were out of the shower and changed, ready to get into bed despite the night only being nine in the evening, your pager beeped. Picking it up off the bedside table, the message was sent from Harry, reading ‘143.’ You raised your brows, reading it again and reading it once more. Your heart was pounding, studying the numbers to make sure you read them right. The simple code for ‘I love you’ was printed on your pager and you wanted to scream. 

Before you could actually scream, there was a knock on your door. You walked quickly, opening it as Harry was standing behind it, holding his pager out as he smiled softly at you. You had just finished crying in the shower, so your eyes were red and a tad bit swollen, but you were close to crying again because of how overwhelmed you felt. 

“Did you mean it?” You asked hesitantly, holding your pager up. 

“Of course I do. Did you mean it?” He retaliated back, wondering if you meant your three words as well. 

“Of course I mean it, Harry. Why wouldn’t I?” You asked, wiping the tear that had slipped down your face. 

“Because I love you. I love you so fuckin’ much that it hurts,” he claimed in one breath, feeling the tension and weight that he held in his shoulders release. “You’re everything to me, and you make my world less frightening. I just see your pretty smile and my day completely turns into a great one. I don’t wanna waste a day not telling you that now, and it feels pretty damn good to say it.”

You slightly nodded until you remembered one of your concerns earlier. “What about Lizette?” 

“Lizette was someone I used to sleep with. I haven’t seen her nor slept with her in months—before I even met you, I promise. And I’m sorry for assuming that you didn’t know what it felt like for someone to leave and that you had to tell me under those circumstances. But just know, that I’m not gonna leave, unless you tell me to, that is.” Every bit of him was opening up and he wasn’t hiding away. He was being completely vulnerable and it had scared him a bit, but when his words came out, he felt himself get better. 

You looked at him through your glassy eyes, vision blurred for a moment until you adjusted them and clearly saw the gorgeous man in front of you. His eyes were filled with tears as well, and you thought, how could someone still look so pretty while they cried? But that was Harry for you; someone who was genuinely beautiful no matter what. Someone who had a heart of gold and a flashing smile that made your heart swoon and knees weak. 

You simply reached your hand out and Harry walked towards you, into your apartment as he came close to your face as your bodies were pressed up against one another. The back of his fingertips gently brushed the side of your face, admiring the beauty that stood before him as he opened his heart up completely, not wanting to go another day without saying those three words back to you. 

The corners of your lips turned up and your tears were replaced by happy ones. You had walked away from Harry after you said I love you because he was looking at you like he had seen a ghost, not a friendly one, but more of a scary one. So, hearing those words were just music to your ears. 

“You mean that? That you love me?” You wanted to hear it again and again and again. 

“Ever word. I love you, angel,” he repeated, adding your nickname. He pressed his forehead against yours, inches away from your lips. 

“Never stop calling me that,” you instructed him, smiling. The first time he had said it, you came to the conclusion that you absolutely loved hearing that name come out of his mouth, especially if it was specifically for you. 

“Only if you never stop telling me that you love me,” he slightly smirked, dimples poking out. He was so immensely happy that his heart could burst just because of the love that he felt for you. 

You giggled. “I love you, baby-” 

“I, uh, wait. Do you mind…not calling me that?” He hesitated, and you raised your brows confused. “Someone else called me that, and I just don’t like hearing it. Never have since it came out of her mouth,” he explained shyly. 

A sudden realization came to your face as you realized that Lizette probably called him that. “Okay. I won’t call you that, ever…darling.” Harry’s lips began to slowly turn up, already liking that name so much better than the other one. He hugged you; and you smiled, closing and opening your eyes to make sure you weren’t dreaming. Your arms snaked around Harry’s waist as he cradled your delicate face in his hands. 

“Never stop calling me that,” he repeated your words as you two smiled and laughed until your jaws started hurting. 

His eyes flickered down to your lips and back up to your eyes. You pursed your lips, blushing as you watched his eyes glance back up and down. You rubbed the tip of your nose against his, pulling him closer; hearts beating in sync as butterflies filled your stomach. 

He brushed his lips against yours before fully connecting them, feeling every spark and shiver that traveled down his spine. You smiled into the kiss as the softness of his lips moved and molded against yours, feeling completely in bliss. The way his lips slotted perfectly with yours made you saturated and dizzy off of his love and touch. Butterflies were still in your stomach, but they were calm like they had been fluttering around for this moment, his touch, in order to relax. 

Pulling back, he smiled down at you, eyes love-struck, before giving you another kiss, and pulling away and kissing you again once more. 

“Kissing you is my new favorite thing,” he stated, drunk off kisses. You breathed out a giggled, wrapping your arms around his neck as you breathed in his scent. You felt his breath against your neck, feeling completely happy and content in each other’s arms. 

There was no fear in the air; just the two of you with open hearts and arms, welcoming in the new and profound feeling that you both took in, knowing that it’s going to change everything for the better. 

You pulled him inside and Harry kicked the door closed with his foot. His arms were holding you tight as you walked back to your bedroom. Opening your mouth slightly, Harry took the chance to meet your tongue with his, swiveling and tasting each other causing a shiver to run down your spine. 

You pulled back when Harry laid down on the bed, taking in the gushy feeling you had as you smiled. 

“Want you,” you simply stated. 

“You have me, angel.” 

“I know, but I want you. Need you,” your eyes pleaded for his touch, to feel him inside of you, for him to make you feel good. You desperately craved for his hands on all of you, his mouth kissing every inch of your skin, and his love passionately pouring out of his veins. 

Harry nodded, smiling. “Need you too. Need you forever,” he said, connecting your lips again as he hovered over you. 

You two kissed for a while, giggling against each other’s lips and having his weight on top of you as your hands roamed his back. You bucked your hips into his, feeling the hard-on that was growing in his pants, which made Harry grind into your center, moaning softly into your mouth. 

“Please do something,” you said, and he nodded, getting off of you before taking his jacket and shirt off swiftly. His tattoos were showcased in front of you and all you wanted to do was kiss every single one of them. “You’re beautiful, Harry,” you complimented, and he blushed, a soft ‘thank you’ came out of his mouth. Next was his pants, and before he was able to take his briefs off, you stopped him, telling him that you wanted to do it. 

You got off the bed, switching positions with him as you were now standing up as Harry laid down on the bed. You smiled, eyes glancing all around his body. He suddenly felt shy and intimidated under your stare, but he knew he had no reason to be because you were simply admiring him. This time around when it came to physically be vulnerable with someone, he knew he didn’t have to worry anymore when it came to you. 

You took off your lilac nightgown, exposing your body to Harry’s eyes. Your nipples had hardened due to the exposure to the cold. His eyes glimmered as he gazed at your stunning and beautiful body. Every curve and inch was something he tried to remember, and he was quite speechless at the sight. He reached out, gently grabbing your hips as he roamed his hands up your body and to your breasts, grabbing both in each of his hands. 

He looked up at you and you smiled down at him as he placed his mouth on your left pebbled nipple, sucking and licking it as his hand fondled with the other. You laced your fingers through his hair, scratching his scalp as he did so, switching over to your right nipple. 

Harry pulled away, looking at you. “You’re an actual angel. You’re so beautiful.” 

“Harry…” you blushed. 

“You are, angel. So beautiful. Can’t believe I get to see you like this.” He kissed the valley of your breasts and down your stomach before getting up and pushing you down onto the bed with ease. He settled in between your legs, arms hooked under your thighs. 

Continuing kissing down your stomach, he reached the hem of your underwear, looking up at you before asking, “Can I take these off? Wanna make you feel good—the same way you always make me feel good.” 

“Please. Take them off. Wanna feel your mouth on me,” you pleaded as your arousal heightened. You wrapped your legs around his back, eagerly pulling his head towards your center, making Harry let out a chuckle. 

“Easy, angel. Not going anywhere.” Harry kissed your stomach once more before pulling off your beige underwear. You were glistening below him; you made a complete mess in your panties. “Fuck, you’re so wet. This all for me?” 

“Mhm. All for you, Harry, please,” you whispered impatiently. Harry’s dirty talk had only increased your need for him as it was quite surprising to see this side of him since he was more on the shy and reserved side outside, but nonetheless, you loved both sides—you loved him. 

Harry leaned down, pressing multiple kisses to your inner thighs, nibbling on the skin gently. You bucked your hips as he trailed his kisses towards your pussy that was eagerly waiting to be touched and licked. When he got there, he pressed a kiss to your clit before kitten-licking your sensitive button, making you softly moan. 

His tongue licked into the entrance of your pussy, gathering your arousal on the tip of his tongue to lubricate your clit even more. 

“Fuck,” you groaned as your hands found his curly locks, tugging at them gently. 

“You could do that harder, I don’t mind it,” Harry told you before going back to eating you out. You pulled harder and Harry deeply groaned against you, sending vibrations up your body. 

His hands wandered around your body, feeling the softness of your skin against his hands. Your skin had formed goosebumps due to his touch, and Harry smoothed out your skin so you were warm. He sucked on your clit quite harshly, earning a moan of his name from your lips as he grabbed both of your tits in his hands, squeezing them. 

You placed your hands on top of his, squeezing them with him, and Harry almost came at the sight of that. There you were, moaning his name out, getting your pussy eaten, and squeezing your tits on top of his hands. A sight he truly was lucky enough to see. 

Harry pulled one hand away to rub your clit as he tongued around your wet hole before tongue fucking you. He rubbed your clit at a moderate speed, enough for you to thrust your hips off the bed. Harry pulled his other hand that was still on one of your breasts away to pin your hips down onto the bed. 

“Stay still for me, angel,” he instructed, voice deep that made you even wetter. “You taste so good. Could eat you out all day.” 

“Harry…” you trailed, whining desperately for your release. “W-Wanna…cum…need to.” Your sentences were broken and Harry thought that was a good sign, knowing that he was doing so well you couldn’t form a proper sentence. 

“Tell me what you need. Let me know, so I can get you there.” 

“F-Fingers,” you told him, and he immediately brought his fingers to your clit, rubbing it before inserting two fingers inside your pussy. He thrust slowly, curling his fingers up to feel your walls.

He felt you pulsing around him as your legs were wrapped tightly around his back as you screamed his name over and over again. 

“C’mon, love. Give me one,” he encouraged, thrusting his fingers a bit faster. 

Once he hit the spot over and over again, you saw stars. Your vision had gone white for a few seconds, and you felt dizzy. The pleasure that ran through your body was overwhelming in the best way possible and you choked out a few sobs. It had hit you like a brick that you saw coming, but you were still surprised and shocked by the impact. 

Your hands held Harry’s hair tight that he thought for a moment that you might actually rip it off. Harry rubbed your pussy as you came down from your high, licking your orgasm that was seeping through your cunt, taking every drop of it. He looked up to see your head thrown back, chest heaving, and a vein that was bulging against your skin. He kissed your thighs while his other hand trailed across your body. 

When you finally were able to catch your breath, Harry kissed up your body, leaving the softest and loving kisses to your skin as you were quite sensitive. You grabbed his face, bringing his lips to yours as you immediately stuck your tongue in his mouth, swirling it with his to taste yourself on him—a mixture of his taste and your orgasm all on his tongue had made you wetter. 

Harry was grinding himself against your leg, trying to relieve some pressure. 

“Want you,” you told him once he pulled away, looking at him intently. 

“You sure?” 

“Absolutely. Please? Only if you want to-”

“I definitely want to. Just wanna make sure you were sure,” he breathed out a chuckle. 

“Course I want to.” There was a bit of silence between you two as you were simply just admiring him as he hovered over you. “Are you gonna fuck me, Harry?” You broke the silence, and Harry broke out of his trance, shyly giggling before getting off the bed. 

He peeled away his briefs, cock standing straight up from the slight painful restraint. He was big—girth and length wise, and you felt your mouth salivating from just looking at him. He got back on the bed, in between your legs as he sat on his knees. Spitting on his hand, he grabbed a hold of his dick, stroking it to relieve the pressure. The view was beautiful in every single way possible, and you didn’t dare to bat an eye because you didn’t want to miss one second of it. 

Wanting to take over for him, you reached forward, replacing his hand with yours as you slowly stroked his cock for him. Harry had a smug smile on his face but soon changed into a face of pure pleasure as your hand worked against him. His mouth was open as he let out a soft moan, looking down at your eyes as you were looking up, completely loving his reaction to your touch. 

“You’re so pretty, Harry,” you complimented as you continued to touch him. Your other hand reached forward to fondle with his balls, rolling them into your hand as Harry whimpered. “Love seeing you like this. Most gorgeous man I’ve seen in my life.” 

“Please, angel, you’re being too nice…” he managed to groan out, hands gripping your thighs. 

“But it’s true. Look so pretty when you’re like this, but also when you’re hitting the heavy bags. When we go out to eat and you mindlessly drink your entire drink while waiting for the food. But I think you’ll look extra pretty than you already are if you cum.” Your words of declaration were getting him on the edge as you stroke him. The way your voice slightly changed as you looked up at him with the most innocent eyes made him thrust into your hand, gripping the flesh of your skin as he threw his head back. 

“You think so?” 

“Mhm. Gonna be so pretty when you cum all over my body, my tits. Can you do that? For me, can you do that? Please?” You were completely begging for it, but even with all the begging, he knew that you had all the control right now. 

Your feet rubbed his calves up and down, and it was the simplest touch, but it heightened Harry’s need to let go. 

“Wanna cum for you, yeah.” His breaths were heavy and harsh as your touch was focused on his tip, wrapping your delicate hands around the head where he was most sensitive. 

Harry’s moans stuttered as a series of profanities slipped from his lips, spilling onto your stomach and breasts. You smiled to yourself as you studied his face when he came undone; his mouth was open, occasionally biting his lip, and eyes shut closed as his head was thrown back—he was the most beautiful person you’d ever seen, and the fact that you got to see him like this was an honor. 

When he came down from his high, he slowly opened his eyes, meeting yours, staring right at him. You smirked, body covered in his orgasm, and he thought that was a picture worth taking. You were gorgeous covered in his pleasure that you caused, and you seemed to love it too since you made no effort to wipe it off. 

Boldly, he leaned down, dragging his tongue from your stomach to your tit, spending the most time on your breasts as he nibbled and licked your nipples, collecting his orgasm from your skin and held it on the tip of his tongue until he reached your mouth. You willingly opened your mouth as his tongue delved right in, feeding you his cum. 

You two passionately kissed, tasting him ever so sensually. You moaned into his mouth, thinking about how the sight of Harry licking his orgasm off of your body was the sexiest thing you’d ever seen. With your hips jerking up, you felt yourself getting wet again and in need to release once more. 

You whimpered, pulling away. “Please. Need you so bad.” Harry nodded, agreeing. 

“Condom?” He asked, and you immediately reached over to your bedside table, ripping open the condom before rolling it onto his dick that was still hard. 

Harry curled in his lips, watching you. You gave him a few extra strokes for good measure, earning a soft moan from his mouth. He took his length in his hand, running the tip up and down your slit, collecting your arousal and lubricating his cock. He gave you one last look and you nodded before he slowly pushed in, indulging in your wetness and softness. 

A moan came out of both of your mouths, feeling completely full and warm for one another with the stretch Harry had on you. He planted his elbows on both sides of you, holding himself up over you as he slowly began to thrust. 

“Fuck,” he groaned. “Feel so good for me.” He placed a kiss on your lips as he whispered. He found a rhythm as he started to move faster, rocking his hips against yours, making you moan. 

It was a feeling like no other, and it was the amount of love you two had for one another that made this experience much more special. Love was practically oozing out of both of your veins, filling the room to its maximum capacity as the both of you moaned out in pleasure. 

You wrapped your legs around his waist and your arms looped around his back, hugging him closer to you as if he couldn’t get closer. You whined into his ear, the sounds of your pleasure were music to his eyes, sending a shiver down his body, making him jerk. But that jolt had hit your g-spot, and you screamed out in ecstasy. 

“Right there. Keep doing that. Keep fucking me,” you managed to say. Harry maintained his pace, going deeper, and fucking you into oblivion as you kept crying and screaming his name out. 

Harry’s lips attached to your neck, nibbling and licking your skin, leaving a few decent size love bites that he was sure to admire when they’d fully formed. Your nails had raked down his back, leaving a burning but pleasurable sting down his skin, letting him know that he was doing an amazing job. 

“You like that?” He groaned into your ear, leaving chills rising onto your skin. 

“Mhm. Just like that. Don’t stop. I-I’m so close.” You threw your head back into the pillows, and Harry took the opportunity to attack your exposed neck with kisses again. Your hands found Harry’s hair, tugging at his curls as he kissed you. That encouraged him to fuck you harder and faster, repeatedly hitting your special spot. “O-Oh…” 

“Come on, angel love. Cum for me, please. Wanna see you make a mess around me,” he encouraged you. 

With a few more thrusts, you were done. You had fully and completely released around him as your orgasm hit you like a ton of bricks. Your vision had gone white for a few seconds, head dizzy, and your breaths were caught in your throat as your hips involuntarily jolted, meeting his thrusts that were fucking you through your high. 

Harry started to thrust sloppily, burying his face in your neck as he spilled into the condom. His hot breath was against your skin as he started to slow down, coming down from his orgasm. 

The room was silent as the only sounds present were the heavy breaths and the post-orgasmic whimpers coming from your mouth as you two held one another. Your nails gently scratched down his back, contrasting to the desperate and needy scratches that you had given him just a few minutes ago. 

Harry lifted his head up, meeting your eyes before connecting his lips against yours, tongue meeting first before your lips moved in sync so passionately and lovingly that you both unspokenly agreed to never taste another pair of lips again. 

“I love you so much,” Harry said, resting his chin on your chest. 

You smiled down at him, eyes gleaming as you looked at your love, your entire heart, the man that had stolen your breath and heart just by one look. 

“And I love you too.” 

Waking up to the warmth of the body next to you was your favorite thing in the morning—had been for six months now. The sight next to you was something you wouldn’t get used to as you always found yourself feeling so lucky every single time you woke up next to him. 

But a pout formed onto your face when you saw that the space next to you was empty. The crinkled yellow sheets were left, missing a certain person that you had been excited to see this morning since you closed your eyes the night prior. 

Turning over to your bedside table, you grabbed your pager, seeing if you had any messages, and one specifically stood out to you, making you sleepily smile at your pager. 

“Goodmorning, angel,” Harry greeted as he stood in the doorway of your bedroom. He was wearing a gray sweatsuit, holding a white paper bag in one hand and a smoothie tray, that held two smoothies, in the other hand with a loving smile plastered on his face, making his dimples poke out. 

“Mm. Hi, darling.” Your arms reached forward, gesturing him to come to you, and he gladly did, situating himself on your body as you wrapped your arms around him. 

You two stayed like that for a moment, basking in the presence and gratitude of one another. It was nice until your stomach started growling, making Harry chuckle. 

“C’mon, gotta feed my girl before we head to the gym.” He got off of you, helping you up and out of the bed before helping you make the bed. He walked over to the kitchen before you went to the restroom, and when you walked out, Harry had your breakfast set on a plate. 

You two made light conversation, mostly enjoying the silence and tastiness of the food before you got ready to go to the gym. 

When you walked into Don’s Box, you were immediately greeted by a few of the members, giving you high fives, as well as saying hi to Harry. The entire gym had found out you two were together when they started to notice Harry coming into the gym almost every day and staying until the gym closed, so a few people had their speculations. Don was certain you two would get together from the very beginning, and he had told you that the only reason he was trying to act intimidating when Harry first walked in was that he sensed that something would happen, and he was right, something did happen. 

Benny was ecstatic; jokingly telling Harry that he could now spend time with his wife since you had taken all of Harry’s time now, which Benny earned a push from Harry towards the ropes of the ring. Benny’s wife was also pregnant and wanted Harry to be the godfather, which Harry immediately took on that responsibility and role. But that also meant since you and Harry were planning on staying together for the long run, you were becoming a godmother as well, which you were very excited about. 

You climbed up into the ring as Harry followed. You had a day off, and no one needed your attention other than Harry, so you helped him put on his gloves after you wrapped his hands in tape, and you put on your mitts, making sure they were tight before clapping the mitts together—Harry punched his gloves together, making sure they were comfortable. 

You raised your brows at him teasingly. “Ready, darling?” 

“Ready as always, my angel,” he responded, and you smirked. 

“Give me a good one. Give me 1.” 

talk to me about your favorite moments, your thoughts and feelings about this pls! thank you for reading <3

[skyhoused]

Mikey Lee of Sky House makes statement about possible Ac3s comeback

Early this morning, adding on to Brian Ahn’s statement, Mikey Lee of Sky House posted a statement to the recent revival of old Ac3s content. Lee, the group’s main rapper and main vocalist, was also co-captain of Ac3s. Lee posted an instagram picture of his debut album picture and a selfie from Sky House’s campaign, “Be Your Own King” with a lengthy statement. 

The statement reads as follows.

“This is Mikey of Sky House.

It’s kind of unfortunate that I have to make posts like this to talk about things that could get us in trouble, but to make it quick and easy, it’s best to nip rumors in the rear. I’ve been made aware that Ac3s final performance of our debut song ‘D.D.D’ on MuBank has been going viral again, especially after pictures surfaced of my old group members being at Sky House: The Live. 

Ac3s was a group that was and is still close to my heart. It’s not to say I don’t care for my members. They were and are still close to me, we talk daily. Because I am self-made, I can make more of a statement compared to my members, who have contracts that may not allow them to speak on this at all. But I hope that, after speaking to them, that I can tell you from the bottom of our hearts that we are grateful for the sudden influx of love for our one and only song. 

But especially this: we are all happy with our careers. While we enjoyed training together and fighting together, we have found our own paths that we want to be on. I’m engaged, I have Sky House, and I am happy. The other members have happy careers within their career paths. We are not looking to reunite as Ac3s, but we would ask you to please support us in our separate careers. 

On my own statement: There are a lot of people saying that I am ‘shameless’ for talking about my ex-members, as if they’re not my dear friends. Their careers are not ruined, and neither is mine. I know that feasibly I could not try to audition with another company, and feasibly any performance outside of Sky House could see me as reason to cut air time or keep Ac3s off any promotion shows. 

My time in Ac3s was short, and I suffered extreme mental anguish from my own mental health. I have spoken about it in our charity video for “Be Your Own King”, that I dealt with extreme psychological distress while I was an idol to the point that my members had considered asking management for a hiatus. While I wasn’t happy with my contract details, it was more because my members and my family were worried that my mental health would decline to the point I may do something dangerous to myself. So I would appreciate people saying that I am “shameless”, to please stop making groundless accusations about why I left Ac3s, or why I terminated my contract with Two Star Entertainment instead of redebuting with Hyun or going on Across the Universe. 

I appreciate all the love that we have received, and I would ask that you keep sending my friends and my members in Sky House love as we continue to tour. Thank you.”

Two Star Entertainment has not made a statement on Hyun’s behalf. Astral Entertainment gave a simple statement of: “Hangyul is uninterested in rumors, but please continue to support Starcrossed.” Sky House will be in Houston for their tour this week.

What are your thoughts?

rp purposes only, no rb.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

honestly one of my worst crush rejections from high school was when my years 9-12 crush (let’s call him rich boy) decided to do one of those stupid “like this status and i’ll…..” trend fb statuses that were big when i was in late high school back in 2011-2013….. and it was “like this and i’ll pair you with someone/something for shit & giggles!”. unfortunately for teen me, rich boy decided to pair himself with one of the girls in my group at catholic school, a post which had a load of likes….. while he paired me with fucking lord voldemort (leave me be i was still a hella HP stan at that age). but the post on MY timeline had received no likes but mine (i think) and a like on the weird asf comment that i’d made on it from one of our friends from catholic school.

like 17yo me liked rich boy’s status all bc she just wanted to see if he’d be nice to her on fb bc she was partly getting over the crush by then (mid 2013)…. but she was still hoping he’d write something stupidly romantic like “you’re the elizabeth bennett to my darcy” or some other jane austen pairing; even though she’d never bothered to read jane austen books back then lmao. or even “you’re the hermione granger to my ron weasley” (again LEAVE ME BE) or some other harry potter themed relationship lmao.

obvs it was all bc a couple of years earlier, rich boy had decided at our year 10 formal to hold one of teen me’s high heels up for her when it’d come off in a dance circle lmao. or at that point, she was even happy to be paired with his best friend that he kept trying to hint at her on some joke statuses with flirtatious undertones; that she should go out with him by tagging that friend on them lol.

the crush was also based on the one term long drama group assignment we did together in year 9, and the one (1) seemingly flirtatious comment he’d made to 14yo me in year 9/2010 when i had that short-lived typical train-wreck teen relationship with clear braces boy…. where rich boy and a couple of his friends decided to sit with us (ie to harass us) on the wooden benches at back of year 9/10 lunch area, which were playground hot property for groups to sit on.

but the point is that the flirtatious comment came out as if to sound that rich boy was jealous about that teen me was “off the market” so to speak lmao. but i remember with the drama group assignment, i hated rich boy at the start and wanted to change groups 😂, even asking my teacher to change me to another one. but he made me stay in the group with rich boy to “learn to work with him” lmao 😂😅. i was so overdramatic back then. and then i got the crush on RB like a sickness for 3 years. the jokes’ on me, as usual lol 🙄😂.

she also was holding out secretly that hopefully rich boy was staying at tafe (technical college) with her bc he liked being with her and also wanted to keep her safe from her stalker/creeper from public school (although let’s be real here, he really couldn’t do much about that lmao, that was more her job to deal with and not his) and in general she hoped he was just staying to keep her updated on what was happening at that school when her group from catholic school had stopped talking to her by mid 2013….

when looking back now, he was probs staying bc he was the top of our small tafe theatre tech class along with me lmao… so he was staying there for the good marks and not teen me’s company at all. on top of it all, by the end of the course, i’d stopped talking to him anyway. like 17/18yo me really had a rosy view of everything lmao.

and also, i haven’t seen rich boy (and by extension also clear braces boy although that’s more than 10 years now lol) in almost 10 years now lmao. i legit forgot that he existed for a while bc he never updates his fb; except when something big happens or when he gets tagged in something. or i’m also reminded that he exists when he likes one of my selfies/i update my dp or whatever else; albeit those times are obvs very, very few and far between. and like…. i’ve pretty much forgiven him for the above. bc god. we were both fucking dickhead assholes. and i suppose i should’ve actually expected some stupid witty pairing like voldemort or the like….. and not a real one lmao….. bc after all, we were always sassy/witty/sarcastic/snarky to each other at catholic school; so we had to play that bs out on our fb interactions as well.

which looking back, didn’t breed a good friendship with us either. considering i only ever went to him for rude tit-for-tat conversations, where i always made sure that i got the last quick-witted word in with criticising him when people were around us; and nothing deep and meaningful or serious lmao. bc to teen me, he was only good to talk to for a laugh mostly… but when we did try to talk about other things it was stilted and awkward; bc we didn’t really know how to be consistently nice to each other when we were alone lmao.

and tafe is also where l learnt that we didn’t really have much in common (besides liking 1-2 of the same emo bands- and things like him going to soundwave (ie aussie warped tour/slam dunk fest etc back then)… where i literally posted flirtatiously on his wall one that that i “hated” him for going to it and also made pointed statuses at him about it lmao) like lonely 14-18yo me thought we did lmao.

for example: rich boy was super into classic cinema (one of his projects in our tafe course was building a model house from alfred hitchcock’s psycho), game of thrones and quentin tarantino movies and also he loved basketball…. while i was still obsessed with harry potter as i said earlier, and still into pretty little liars and into the “…….next top model” reality tv juggernaut with australia’s and america’s next top model and the E! celeb channel; amongst other things. i loathed and despised sport, and most especially basketball lmao. i actually tried to read asoiaf/watch GOT bc he liked it lmao (and also had friends at public school who were into it)…. but i couldnt bring myself to do it at the time. like we weren’t compatible at all lmao. but teen me didn’t get it.

but yeah. unrequited teen crushes suck. so, to all of my younger followers, if i have any: if your crush acts like this don’t waste time on thinking they’ll be nice to you lmao; and drop that crush like a hot fucking potato. bc if they’re mean to you (which is what i was running under from all the shitty tween/teen shows i was watching at the time) it defs means that they do NOT like you romantically lmao. fuck that noise.

[justjstuff]

Shizune’s Character Study...ish

This is an answer to this comment <3 I always love a good character study

First of all, I found your observation about Shizune not being in love very clever and astute. This was exactly what I intended to show through my writing without spelling it out. Shizune left the village for what? Close to two decades? She spent more time away then in Konoha and she came back to a mountain of responsibility. Sure, she loved Genma when she was a child and some of it lingers, especially since Genma is, well, Genma. He’s a lovable hottie and a total flirt. But I don’t think she really let herself fall back in love with him. 

Now, this is a specific answer to your rb but also to a lot of reviews I got for the last chapter, so bear with me while I take this and go on a tangent xD

DoF is Sakura’s story. While we get a few sneak peaks into other characters’ PoVs, this is ultimately a story told by what she sees and understands. For over four years Sakura kinda shut down this part of her life that was “holding her back” before she became a proper ninja. She focused on her career and her training and just now she’s realising the repercussions of that. Namely, not being aware that people in her own team were together, the Genma and Shizune situation and in a way the impact she has around Konoha. So Sakura doesn’t know the whole story here and Genma x Shizune isn’t the focus of this story so while I explore some of it, it will mainly be the part of it that affects Sakura directly. People are allowed their privacy and even though Team Ro is close, that doesn’t mean that they have to know every single thing that goes on with each other.

So yeah, back to Shizune. When you said she was just waiting for him to fuck up and not telling everyone was a way for her to have a clean way out, you were absolutely right. This is the video that inspired me to write Shizune telling Kurenai about their relationship. In my head, she wanted to vent for a while but was scared of other’s reaction and then it slipped when she was drunk talking to her friend. Shizune is allowed to be cautious with her heart. Just like Sakura is. 

I think there’s a trend in media that we need to break when it comes to how we see women. A man can be a jerk and then be called deep because he was just protecting his feelings while a woman is a bitch when she’s looking out for herself. This comes from a place where we hold women in a position to always be nurturing and kind, to put others before her. Women can’t be mean, women can’t be angry, women can’t be assertive without being immediately judged by us as bitches (*cough* specially asian women, tiger women? yeah i see u *cough*). So yeah, Shizune is a bitch for not trusting Genma when he’s shown to be deeply afraid of commitment, a frankly unreliable partner with his long days away on extremely dangerous missions. 

Now, all of this I will briefly touch upon in later chapters (I think about three chapters from now? It’s already written) but you have to keep in mind the type of person Shizune is. She’s the Hospital Director and she’s aware there’s a very serious war brewing in the shadows. She works a lot and she’s always in the village dealing with all of this bullshit while Genma is a part of the most dangerous team in ANBU. She’s scared and frankly she’s tired. She wants stability and she wants something that she might not find in Genma. Y’all know I love Genma but in my eyes there’s no way Shizune can be condemned by the way she’s acting. She should be mindful that she’s hurting Genma (and she is, you just don’t get to see it bc again, not their story) but she can’t hurt herself in the process of making things comfortable for him. 

Now, there’s something that worries me about some of the comments I’m receiving. I get that a lot of people love Shizune and heavily ship Genma x Shizune but you have to take a step back and actually read the characters I’m writing. See them for what they are in this fic and kind of let go of your preconceived notions about them. Either that or stop reading the fic, lol. Anyways, some people were worried that this would drive a wedge between Sakura and Shizune and were sad because they feel like Sakura needs more female relationships and that they wished to see their closeness in a way they didn’t get to see in canon...

I get that. Y’all know that DoF was created with this heavily in my mind and it’s something very important to me, to give these characters that were done wrong some form of justice. That does not mean I’ll simply put every single female as super close friends and call it a day and yay female power. This is also a current trend I see where authors (and I mean screenwriters and the such, mostly) are heavily leaning into this woke version of feminism that just feels demeaning to me and while it’s leagues better than blatant misogyny it’s not exempt from criticism. 

My female characters have depth and they have their own personality which does mean that they’ll clash sometimes, there will be girls who don’t really get along with other girls, there will be petty grievances, there will be angry women, and sad women, and fucking deranged women. Because that’s what I want to see in mainstream media. I don’t want a simplistic version of what it means to be a women broadcasted to everyone and I will never write that even though I don’t have all of that reach. 

Oof, all of that to tie back to Shizune’s and Sakura’s relationship. In canon, I did miss seeing a strong bond between them but not in the way that some people want to see in this fic. I wanted them to be family. And you don’t always have to have a lot in common with family, or even like them, to deeply care for them and love them. DoF!Sakura left the hospital work after six months. She trained her ass to the ground and she was most often away on missions. She moved into the Senju Estate but Shizune always had her own place. DoF!Shizune is buried in hospital work, she has responsibility and most importantly, she has distance from Tsunade. She’s still seen as her former apprentice and she’s still her pseudo niece but she’s making her name outside of Tsunade’s shadow here. She’s not an assistant and she’s not always glued to Tsunade’s side, she’s the fucking Hospital Director. Sakura and Shizune drifted apart and no amount of woke let’s-scream-feminism-at-the-top-of-our-lungs can change that when they simply do not have that much in common. They grew apart and that’s okay. They still love each other. 

@hatake-sakura88 , I won’t answer everything in your comment because some things will be addressed later on and I don’t wanna spoil anything yet. Thank you for caring enough about my fic to engage and for being super polite and a sweetheart in general <3 

This post will probably be reblogged later with a more in depth character study of Shizune (both in canon and in Daughter of Fire)

[blacknovelist]

Background Dressing (TBB Fic)

i told y’all. Gonky, my beloved. I love this karking gonk droid so much it’s like, embarrassing, but also. Gonk <3

Set in a nebulous kind time of togetherness that probably won’t actually exist in canon but also that I have the deniable plausibility of believing in, for now. So, surprisingly, no real spoilers at all here.

(also on ao3, will rb with link for tag accessability)

The GNK unit of the wayward Clone Force 99 watches as the inhabitants of the Havoc Marauder come home.

At the first sound of steps on the stairs of the Havoc Marauder, Gonky snapped out of standby and came online. The weighty thunks caught by its audio receptors said all it needed to know. It let out a soft honk of relief — today would not be the day it tried to ward off invaders alongside security while the Batch was away.

Not, of course, that it couldn't. Indeed, Gonky had learned well from the five humans it shared this home space with, the means of fighting and defending. If it came down to it, it wouldn't hesitate to lay down its less-than-shiny chassis to do what needed to be done. No one ever expected the GNK in the corner, after all.

But that was a digression and Gonky ought to learn how to stop doing that. Probably. Didn't that holonet article it had read over Omega's shoulder the other day have a title that mentioned avoiding such things?

Tech filed through first, strutting toward the ship controls with barely a glance about. Echo was on his heels, metallic digits gleaming in the Marauder's lights as he tugged his helmet off. Wrecker trudged in with Omega perched on his back, both a blink away from sleep — though neither seemed too much worse for wear otherwise. Crosshair and Hunter pushed in after, the hatch lifting shut behind them, and beneath their buckets they looked just as wiped. Carefully, Gonky inched closer.

"Holler if you need us," Wrecker grunted, adjusting his hold. Hunter waved him off, and Crosshair simply glanced over as he propped his rifle away.

He spared a hand and a moment to gently knock Gonky's head in greeting as he carried himself and Omega to the bunks. It beeped back quietly. It wouldn't do to wake her up with its hello's.

Underfoot, the ship whirred to life, slowly but surely.

Hunter turned to join Tech and Echo, but Crosshair caught his shoulder and, in a low voice, asked; "And just where do you think you're going?"

"Helping with takeoff and checking the systems?" Hunter raised an eyebrow. "We agreed our welcome was pretty worn out here. Can't hurt to get a good headstart."

"In your condition?" Gonky couldn't see his face, but it suspected he was scowling. "Don't think I didn't see you back there. Tell me, by your count, was it thirteen times you nearly tripped, or fourteen?"

"Crosshair..."

"You can't hide all your tells." A gentle smack to the other man's chest plate, and he jerked his head. "Go join the kid and Wrecker — you're of no use to anyone right now."

"We can't just aimlessly drift through space. It's not fair to leave it all on them. Besides." He crossed his arms. "What about you? You look about as bad as you say I feel."

"I'm not the one on the verge of a sensory meltdown. We've made tighter escapes in worse conditions, we'll be fine." Hunter's face drew taut, and Crosshair's head tilted in a way that told Gonky he'd rolled his optics. "If it bothers you so much, I'll help them."

The frown on his face drew deeper. "And your headache?"

"I'll survive. Unfortunately." Crosshair shoved him towards the bunks and Hunter stumbled. "Go. If anything happens, I'm sure you'll be the first to know."

Still, he hesitated.

Gonky had heard enough. It shuffled forward with a low honk — a noise that seemed less prone to making anyone wince — and bumped gently into the man's side. None of them understood the droid's beeping, and it lacked the arms to gesture with any real effectiveness, but sometimes the message still got across. There wasn't quite a smile on either Crosshair or Hunter's faces, but it recognized a softening.

"You too, huh?" Hunter sighed. "Fine, I can tell when I'm not wanted. I'll leave it to you to make sure no one's hurting themselves overdoing it then, alright Gonky?"

It let out a cheerful rattle that drowned out the indignant huff. It wouldn't let him down!

With one last wave and nod, he finally disappeared towards the bunks. Crosshair waited until the door slid shut before he let out a heavy sigh and rubbed his eyes. Something told it the gesture was only half headache induced.

He straightened and turned — to join the others like he'd said, no doubt — but stumbled, one arm shooting out for balance. Gonky let out a flat whine and moved forward. When his hand braced against it, it did its best to stay steady instead of toppling. Not the easiest feat with two wobbly feet.

Crosshair shot the GNK a look, somewhere between startled and bewildered. It let out a string of beeps and whirrs for his uncomprehending audio sensors. [You really do need the help.]

Slowly, the man took a deep breath and a long blink. Then, a little more carefully and with one hand still braced against it, he straightened up once more. His fingers rapped against the top of its chassis before he pulled away. Gonky waited as he steadied himself, and took a step alongside Crosshair when he started forward again.

He scoffed at the droid but he didn't stop it, even as he settled into the seat by the console with it at his side and offered a clipped explanation to Echo's question. Gonky gonked, pleased, and settled in to keep his sensors alert and trained on the three. No one would be overdoing it on its watch.

[emersondarling]

(Very Incomplete) Assclass Fanfic Ideas That I Daydream Ab But Cannot Write: Part 1

Some are kinda generic and some themes/AU's aren't exactly original lol but I think ab them all the time soooo here ya go hehe

Oh also I'm not rly writing? it's more my ideas in somewhat short headcanon form ahhhh sorry to disappoint

(If someone actually decides to write any of these, or something similar, please like message or tag me because I'd love to read them ahhh)

•••

1. Red String of Fate AU

-Y'all know this trope right

-Like you and your soulmate at connected by a red string that can be tangled and tied but never breaks

-(You can only see your own, not anyone else's)

-So basically, Karasuma never had one

-He hasn't all his life so love never interested him

-Then he starts at teaching E class

-He meets Irina, she doesn't have a soulmate either

-Why? Because he was one of her assassination targets

-Halfway through the year, the principal comes to visit again to see how E class is 'progressing'

-Karasuma gets a major migraine and goes home early

-He wakes up the next day

-He looks down at his hands

-Not one, but two red strings are attached to his pinky fingers, one on each hand

-He's very confused

-He goes to school and climbs up the mountain, noting how one string goes into the main building and one goes up the mountain

-That must mean Irina is a soulmate

-(Or korosensei but he wouldn't bet on that)

-When they meet in the teacher's lounge, neither knows what happened

-But Karamsuma isn't complaining, he supposes, maybe having a soulmate would be...more interesting?

-Until, the principal makes his way to the top of the mountain

-Karasuma is training, as usual

-Gakuhou says his name and he turns

-Karasuma freezes as the hand Gakuhou is holding up is connected to his

-E class is just looking at the interaction with interest

2. Hanahaki Disease AU

-Maehara has it

-Thinks it's ironic that he, a playboy, is coughing up flower petals

-He likes Isogai obv

-The flowers are either the color of Isogai's eyes or have a special meaning (idk which one but maybe both)

-He thinks Isogai likes Kataoka because they hang outside of their duties as class representatives

-Really, Isogai just trying to help Kataoka get with Kayano

-Lots of angstttt and a sad Maehara

-Idk the ending but hopefully it's fluffy

3. 5 Times Karma and Nagisa set up dates (+ 1 Time When a Date was set up for them)

-Karma setting up dates in the weirdest ways for 5 different couples because he's bored

-Nagisa tiredly supervising because if Karma gets his way then the world would be on fire

-At the end, the 5 couples (who knew Karma set them up, he wasn't discreet at all) come together and set him and Nagisa up

4. 5 Times Ren Kisses Gakushuu (+ 1 Time Gakushuu Kisses Ren)

-Ren kisses Gakushuu 5 times secretly

-(they are dating in secret cause of Gakuhou)

-Gakushuu kisses Ren at the graduation ceremony in front of everyone and basically comes out

-very fluffy cause i like fluff

-(Bisexual Gakushuu, Pansexual? Ren)

5. Asano Assassination Attempt

-Okay but like, can we have both Asano's trying an assassination attempt?

-How amazing would that be like holy shit

-One day Gakuhou just walks up the mountain to pay korosensei a visit

-He gets korosensei all panicky with a puzzle

-Then he goes in for the kill

-Korosensei is dodging him and then -Gakushuu fucking swings in through the window, knife ablaze

-Korosensei is like more panicky and very surprised that Gakushuu is there

-The two Asanos get most of the tentacles but not enough to kill him

-Then they both leave while insulting each other

-Class E is just like wtf just happened

6. Never Have I Ever

-Basically, during their break at school, A class plays never have I ever in an empty classroom

-Gakushuu, of course, does not want to play

-They ask him anyways and he plays

-(Note: he was physically dragged to the game by the rest of the virtuosos)

-Most of the questions were common like "never have I ever been out of the country"

-(Seo shut up no one cares about LA)

-or "never have I ever failed a test"

-(Of course Gakushuu doesn't drink)

-(They're drinking water cause they'd die if the principal walked in with them getting drunk)

-Then one boy asks "never have I ever had my first kiss"

-Surprisingly, Gakushuu takes a sip of water

-Unfortunately, that's when the principal walks in

-He then dedicates his time to find out who it was and how painful their death should be

-(Anyone y'all ship with Gakushuu can go w/ this one haha) (I had Ren cause it's hilarious when he's freaked out)

7. Ren + 4 Thiefs

-The four virtuosos stealing Ren's clothes

-He's taller than all of them so his clothes are the biggest and most comfortable

-They've been doing it for a while and

-Ren is fed up

-That's the fic haha

8. AssClass/RWBY Crossover AU

-Takes place in the ass class universe

-E class is still trying to kill korosensei

-A class is also hiding a secret, they are huntresses and huntsmen in training

-They train to kill grim, which (in this AU) only come out at night because they are made of pure darkness

-They can detect grim when a crystal they are wearing around their neck glows

-The crystals are made of pure light and so attract the grim

-Then a powerful grim attacks in broad daylight on the mountain

-A class kills the grim, getting there by someone opening a portal/rip with their semblance

-They try and figure out why the grim was able to stand the sunlight and why he decided to attack e class

-E class was just staring at them arguing

-Idk that's all I have

-This is one of my favorites tho

•••

Okay that's my first post of this? I may post a second one when I'm not overloaded with school work. Hopefully this was alright ahh

(To anyone who's a writer: please?)

Edit: How...how did this get so many likes/rbs 🥺 you guys are amazing ahh

[chilling-seavey]

Passchendaele WW2 Extension - Where We Were and Who We are to Become

September 12, 1945

Evelyn always whistled when she baked. Maybe it was a bit the piano student in her but it always seemed to brighten her spirits with a little tune on her lips. In her tiny London apartment, she had just slid her own birthday cake in the oven when the phone rang.

She wiped her hands off on the tea towel and hurried to the wall where the phone was hung and picked up the receiver, “Hello?”

“Evelyn.”

It was her mother.

“Oh, Mama, hello. I just put my cake in the oven. I know you suggested waiting until at least the day before but I don’t mind. I was just far too excited-”

“Evelyn,” her mother’s voice was quiet as if she was whispering into the phone and she sounded like she was crying, “it’s your brother.”

Evelyn swore her heart stopped in her chest and she gripped tighter onto the receiver in her hand, “What about him, Mama?”

“He’s come home, darling. He’s home safe.”

“What?” Evelyn choked out.

“He’s home. Charlie’s home.”

Evelyn didn’t need one more piece of information, “I’m on my way.”

She pulled the uncooked cake out of the oven, nearly threw it on the counter, grabbed her purse, and was out the door in an instant. Her legs couldn’t carry her fast enough but the city traffic wouldn’t have been any better so she resorted to running across the sidewalks of London to the train station.

Evelyn made it back to her childhood home on the earliest train she could – clocking in from apartment to porch in a record 45 minutes – and rushed right inside without even a knock. Elizabeth had seen her daughter running up the driveway and had stood up to meet her in the hallway but Evelyn pushed right past her and around the couch to where her brother and her father were sat.

One look at her big brother and Evelyn was stopping in place, her breath shuttering in her chest at the sight of him. He was older, that was for sure, but he wasn’t what she expected. He looked tired and frail and terribly frightened.

Evelyn was exactly how Charles had expected her to look. He left her as a girl of merely eighteen and he returned to her as a woman of almost twenty-five. She was grown now and she was beautiful and it shattered Charlie’s heart to have missed so much of his little sister over the last six years. His quiet crying fell back into emotional weeping and he curled into Daniel’s side shamefully.

“Charlie.” Evelyn whimpered, dropping her purse to the floor and she gently sat beside him on the couch. Her hand hesitated in the air a moment as if she were afraid to touch him but then she set her hand against his arm, “It’s okay, Charlie.”

She glanced up at their father as if needing to ask for permission to console her older brother but Daniel just held open his arm and she shuffled up close. She rested her head on Charlie’s shoulder and wrapped her arms around him, her brave big brother, and let her silent tears fall into the sleeve of his uniform. He had always been there for her for her whole life, Charlie was her protector from the moment she was born, but now he was the one needing her. Evelyn was grown up enough now to understand that…and to understand that no words had to be spoken to show it.

The Seavey’s sat on their couch together for at least an hour; parents holding their two children and thanking God for their safety and for allowing them the privilege of getting through the hardest six years they ever had to endure.

When the initial shock had calmed down, Elizabeth remade some tea and Evelyn helped her bring the teacups and the biscuits into the parlour. The two women paused for a moment together in the kitchen and shared a quick hug and a few tears before returning to their family.

Charlie refused to let go of Daniel and no one dared to ask him to stop – especially not Daniel. The young man rested with his cheek against his father’s chest, right over his heart, and clutched his shirt in his fist until he was creasing the fabric. Daniel only pet his hair and held him close without a word. Elizabeth couldn’t read her husband’s expression as he stared down at their son in his arms.

When Charlie was able, he sat up to have his tea; the china cup trembling in his hand as he lifted it to his mouth to sip carefully. Daniel tended to him without second thought, holding a hand to the back of his head and helped to guide his son’s shaking hand so the tea wouldn’t spill all over him.

“Good boy.” Daniel whispered.

Charlie only whimpered through his next breath and let Daniel set the teacup down on the coffee table. Elizabeth had turned the photographs back around while Charlie had been distracted in his initial return and now he stared up at the frames on the mantle with a flat expression, scanning each one as if it were his first time seeing it.

“Biscuit, Charlie?” Evelyn asked softly, holding out a small square tea cookie to her brother.

“Let’s not rush him, buttercup.” Daniel said gently.

“It’s okay.” Charles mumbled and carefully took the cookie from his sister. He took a tiny bite from the corner and savoured it in his mouth like it was the most delicious yet dangerous thing he had eaten his whole life.

His family watched him silently.

He ate half of the biscuit and then set the rest back on the saucer on the coffee table.

“What do you want to do now, darling?” Elizabeth asked.

“I didn’t mean to worry you.” Charlie spoke as strongly as he could but his voice wavered and broke at the end.

“We know.” Elizabeth tisked pitifully and set a comforting hand on his back.

“I was…I was distracted…” Charlie discreetly glanced down to his hand on his lap where the ring engraved with RB was tucked around his right pinky. The family held their breaths, the three of them knowing who that ring belonged to perfectly well. Charlie continued, “I was distracted and was shot down over enemy lines and…they took me prisoner.”

Evelyn curled up into her brother’s side as he recalled his last few months.

Charlie took a trembling inhale as he spoke to the floor, “They wouldn’t kill us because that would cause their prisoners in British control to be killed and they didn’t want to risk that but they…they kept us in a camp. I tried to write to you…I swear that I did…but…but we weren’t allowed. They barely fed us and they…they tried to treat us like…like we were nothing. I was…I was just waiting to die because a few men starved to death in the night and…and I didn’t know the war was over until the Russian’s liberated the camp a fortnight ago. I…We were in there for months after the armistice and…and I couldn’t write you. I didn’t think…I didn’t…I didn’t have anyone!”

He broke down in sobs, hiding his face in his hands as his whole body trembled and shook.

“Richie’s dead and it’s m-my fault!” Charlie wept loudly.

Daniel pulled his son’s hands from his face and gently but strongly turned him to face him, holding his cheeks in his palms, “You look at me, Charles Christian.”

Charlie blinked away his heavy tears to meet his father’s concerned expression.

“I wish I could have told you this the moment your brother died in your arms but I can only offer this now. That was not your fault.”

“Yeah, it was!” Charlie nodded helplessly, fresh tears spilling down his cheeks. “I was flying…I didn’t help him unbuckle…I could have…I could h-have-”

“Christ.” Daniel breathed to himself, trying to compose himself to somehow offer consolation to his son. He closed his eyes and took a breath before looking at him again. Charlie sobbed, his grown-up face still cradled in his father’s hands. “They have made you sit in this self-decided guilt for far too long. I know it well, Charles. I know it far too well. You don’t have to say one word to me and I know you cried yourself to sleep every night in that camp and I know that despite them starving you, you still refused to eat because the sight of food made you sick. I know that you hated every breath you took because he wasn’t there breathing with you.”

Charlie sobbed louder, nodding quickly.

“And you look at me right now, Charles Christian.” Daniel ordered with nothing but pure love in his voice.

Charlie sniffled as he stared pathetically at his father with his same light blue eyes, waiting for him to continue.

“I will tell you every morning and every night until you believe it; what happened to Richard is not your fault. You are not a bad person because of it and I am damn sure you did everything you could to try and save him.”

“He didn’t let me take him to the nurses station!” Charlie cried.

“But you held him, didn’t you?”

Charlie nodded.

“And you told him you loved him, didn’t you?”

Charlie nodded again.

“And you still remember the things he wanted you to pass on for him, don’t you?”

Charlie nodded, nearly drowning himself in his tears, choking over each breath.

“I know.” Daniel said. “Because you are a good brother and a good man and a good son and you make me so damn proud every single day of your life. Don’t you forget it.”

“It hurts so bad!” Charlie sobbed.

“I know.” Daniel pulled him close and wrapped his arms around his son, pressing a kiss to his cheek before clutching him to his chest. “It’s going to hurt every day for the rest of your life but it will get easier.”

Charlie, a grown man of twenty-seven laid helplessly against his father’s chest, crying into his shirt and clinging onto him like he was his only salvation. And Daniel held him close, not saying a single word, clutching onto his son as if his touch could take away his pain.

He stared over his shoulder to his daughter and his wife, Evelyn easily curling up with her brother to try to console him and Daniel held his two children securely. His eyes raised back to Elizabeth who was crying herself too but she smiled a tight but honest smile to her husband and reached a hand out to set over his one that was wrapped around his son.

“You…” she sniffled slightly, trying to keep her voice quiet for only him to hear, “You are the most incredible man I have ever known.”

Daniel held back his own tears for the sake of his grown-up children and mouthed an “I love you” to his wife which she returned. As the family held each other on the couch, Daniel let his tear filled eyes drift over to the mantle, lingering on the Victoria Cross sitting in its bed of velvet and the framed photograph of his brother smiling back at him.

His worst fear had come true: the evil of humanity wrapping itself around his son’s heart until his joy was suffocated out of him. An experience he swore never to even wish onto his worst enemy.

[throughthewwods]

Buddhism For Mothers

Finished reading Buddhism For Mothers.

In many ways Buddhism has stayed with me in disposition and philosophically, but the book reminded me of a different time in my life when I actively spiritually practiced. I thought about what a hard last year it was and how often my temper flared clinging to regain control. I’d say I should have read this back then, but I wouldn’t have received it.

As I read, it felt a call to my roots with a greater wisdom than I had in my teens to 20′s. I appreciated and sheepishly related to the author’s observation about much of the New Age subculture missing the mark when all that mediation, all that pursuit of consciousness and altered states is still about self gain, self interest.

I remember when I first became a mother and decided to  get my sh!t together in many regards. I did not have the self-discipline to be both a flowy, unconditionally compassionate Buddhist with no interest in material illusions and... decide to be of the world. The internal conflict would eat away at me. I did not know how to live in the moment and fervently follow through on my goals. I did not know how to not be ‘of the world’ and simultaneously plot a future in it. Even now, I know I put Buddhism away because I realized I had to be all in or what I wanted wasn’t going to happen. I needed to be attached, invested. I had, have desires, which is not very Buddhist...

But... I also had so much fear back then. I pushed away everyone and every ideology that weakened my inner resolve.  Now... I’m in a better place. Of course, my inner Buddhist reminds me that more things will happen, challenges, joys, and they will all flow through my cupped hands..

Still, this feels a good resting place along the path to rediscovering quieting the mind,

a time to sooth the anxiety discretely ever coursing through my body,

to sit with compassion for all beings and let my heart again soften as a way of life,

to be present: strength how to fully listen, act, and speak with mindfulness,

and reconnect with equanimity.

Other things...

Kiddo’s first week of school went mostly well.

I took her out for a huge french toast breakfast to honor the last day of summer and later for movie night we had a summertime junk food feast sprawled across 2 tables. Morning went smooth. I cooked her up our traditional ‘first day of school chocolate chip pancakes’. Admitted, her  ‘last year’ anxiety reignited pretty fast, but I’m wiser this go around to how this program works. We changed gears to art (relaxing), then her teacher’s sunny vibe cheered her up, and she’s been mostly good since. On my part, I’m taking a more involved role about the schoolwork since last year the ‘hands off approach’ was a disaster. It’s not ideal. In-person in a few months would be stellar, but we’ll make the best of the situation. With online-learning she can cozy up under a fluffy blanket while reading her book for class. One day she finished early so I took her out for lunch (her choice). While everyone is stuck in their school desks we were picking out art supplies, enjoying sushi and blue berry muffins while watching Fullhouse.

There was the first counselor session about Kiddo’s grief. I’m not sure how helpful it was, but I do feel relieved to know from a professional’s perspective I’ve been doing a good job. This week we’re going to talk more about my own grief process in hopes it’ll spark some light bulbs on actives I can do with Kiddo.

Today Kiddo and RB went out for breakfast to get some bonus-dad bonding time in.  Kiddo wasn’t full of descriptors, yet came back aglow, all bubbles and silliness.

Interview with the grief support non-profit went well. Feeling undecided if I still want to volunteer with the domestic violence support non-profit though. It be a notable training and experience, but their volunteer coordinator seems so accustomed to waves of volunteers thirsty for the position that she has little esteem for the individuals offering offering their time and emotional energy to keep their agency going for the greater community. I’m not sure I want to work somewhere that takes its volunteers for granted. We’ll see.  Maybe they’ll surprise me next week?

My first quarter of grad school classes are picked out.

After several bite-sized, scatters convos, RB and I are finally actively looking at houses for our lil, blended family!  It’s a complicated, huge change for everybody, but also excited and heart-melt-y to have our relationship arrive to this next phase. This morning we had our first daydream-y talk about what our home would be like.

[fluffybunnybadass]

Obligatory Father’s Day fic

Title: Get Rekt With Embarrassment, Silver (no, I will not be taking CC) (yes you can shorten it to ‘get rekt silver’)

Characters: Silver, Gold, Blue; brief appearances by Lance

Word Count: 4600

Rating: idk pg-13 for language?

tw: uhhh cursing and bad dads club, threats of violence by silver but none actually happening

inspired roughly by masters but mostly because it’s a funny idea of silver sending lance a “happy father’s day” text and then it spiraled from there thanks to plot bunnelbys. please enjoy and leave your feels in the tags or rbs, thank you.

You can read on ao3 here cuz my theme is atrocious to read on desktop, I apologize

also please don’t tag this as ship wrt lance and silver or else.

-----------------------------

“Are you going to text him?”

“Gold, you know about my father.”

“No, not him. I meant Lance!”

The redheaded teen gave a suspicious stare at his friend, who was mirthfully grinning at him, playing the innocent but well-intentioned fool. He knew what Gold really meant, but he decided to play along, seeing if he could get his companion to drop the conversation before it even started.

“Why.”

“Because it's Father's Day!” The redhead's face went full flush and he angrily glared at Gold, who only grinned more at his best friend, knowing that he had hit his target. “C'mon Silver! We all know that Lance has been a better father figure to you than your actual father. The guy's got total dad vibes!”

Silver gritted his teeth, his anger and embarrassment growing more with every word that Gold said. “Don't even--! I don't have a dad and that's it, Gold!” He barely held himself back from getting in his friend's face, wanting to hit him but knowing that he would regret it if he did.

Gold help up his hands in a defensive, placating manner. “Okay, okay! I get it! You don't have a dad. You came straight from an egg like Togepi and Sneasel did,” he said, laughing at his own joke.

“... Let's just get on with training today.”

The two had planned to hang out for part of the day. Gold knew that days like today brought his friend some unnecessary reminders of the past that would always haunt Silver, and he wanted to help distract his friend from the cloud of despair, at least for a little bit. Blue was going to join them later on, her understanding of Silver's feelings too good for the redhead to stop her from dropping by unannounced. Silver knew exactly what his friends were doing, and when Gold had asked him to hang out today and train, he shrugged and said, “Suit yourself.” Now he was starting to regret that decision, if Gold was going to be like this the entire time....

They had spent a few hours training. They sat down for a break, letting their Pokemon rest as well. Gold looked over at Silver, sizing him up as he tried again.

“Hey Silver! Can I borrow your phone real quick?”

Silver gave his friend another suspicious stare.

“. . . Why.”

“I wanna see something.”

“No.”

“Aw, c'mon, please? Pretty pleeeeaase? With a cheri berry on top?” Gold had clasped his hands together and bowed his head, begging pointedly.

“The answer's still no.”

Gold gave his friend a pout, and Silver shook his head, sighing a bit. But Gold was relentless in his teasing, and pushed once more.

“You know, you really should send him a text.”

“I'm not sending Lance a text!”

“But he really is a dad! It's courtesy to send your friends a 'Happy Father's Day' text if you know they're a dad.”

Silver gave Gold a skeptical look. In the time that he had spent training at the Dragon's Den in Blackthorn, he had never heard any mention of Lance having kids. Even though the man was pretty private for a public figure, he felt that the bond he shared with his mentor would have earned him some information like that. Not even Clair, who loved to share embarrassing things about her cousin with Silver, had made any mention about being an aunt, any niblings, or anything embarrassing about Lance and fatherhood.

“Oh really? Who's this kid I haven't heard about?” Silver asked, a smug look on his face. He was probably going to regret this, but he felt confident about his information.

“You!”

Silver flushed redder than a Charmeleon. He lunged after Gold, who cackled and leapt out of the way of his glaring friend who shouted at him.

“I'M GONNA PUNCH YOU!”

Silver chased after his friend for a moment, stopping only when he noticed Blue had join them for the day. He stopped and put his fist down, embarrassed that Gold had gotten a rise out of him. He turned away, glaring at where Gold had stopped to watch him, grinning at his friend.

“Don't let me stop you two from your games,” Blue said, teasing her best friend.

“I'm not playing any games...!” Silver said, gritting his teeth. He took at deep breath to calm himself like his two mentors had taught him, and turned around, putting on a smirk to mask that he had been caught acting like a fool.

“We were training.”

“Uh-huh. And part of your training involves literally kicking Gold's ass?”

“...Not literally.”

“That's not what it looked like to me,” she said, teasing her friend still in a playful greeting. Gold caught back up with the two trainers, slinging an arm around Silver's shoulders, who shrugged him off with a groan.

“Hi, Gold.” Blue exchanged a look with him, and the other teen shook his head slightly at her when Silver wasn't looking. “Have you guys taken a break yet? I brought snacks.”

“Nah. We were in the middle of one when Silver got mad at me all of a sudden,” Gold told her with a huge grin on his face, looking at Silver when he said it. “Don't know why though. All I did was ask to borrow his phone...”

“You...” Silver growled in warning, but he shook his head to rid himself of his frustration. “I wouldn't let you borrow my phone even if it meant you were dying.”

“Yeah, because we all know you would be the one using it!” Blue and Gold both laughed, and Silver's face flushed.

“Tch...”

For all their ribbing at him, Silver was grateful that he had earned himself some true friends. He had spent a lot of his life alone, with only Blue beside him as part of a childhood promise they had made. But when they got separated, he vowed to never have any friends again, the pain and ache he felt without them too much to bare. He had spent a lot of his childhood and early teen years telling himself that it was better off that he was alone, that he operated better like that, that he didn't need friends because they'd only hold him back. He didn't need anyone. Not a father, mother, any siblings or any cousins either; just himself. Even his Pokemon were tools to him, no companions in any way that he could have wanted.

But things changed when he met Gold. He kept running into this trainer who kept beating him, even though he knew his Pokemon should have been stronger because he trained them to the ground. He evolved them as soon as was possible. And Gold, who still had a Togepi, a Pichu, Pokemon that were unevolved and powerless on their own, had won against his team that he trained harder and harder each and every time this dopeyheaded trainer crossed his path. It was unfathomable to him that he could ever lose to someone who spent his time laughing and playing with his Pokemon as much as he did train them.

And then he ran into him.

Lance had thoroughly trounced his team with no effort at all. The Dragon-type trainer had given him a pitying look, as though he felt sorry for Silver and his Pokemon.

“Why...? Why? How did I lose so terribly against you?” He had been holding back tears of frustration, shaking as his emotions played with him, the defeat stinging far worse than any against the kid he kept running into. Tears slowly filled his eyes, threatening to fall once the child closed them. He couldn't cry on top of the embarrassing defeat, he just couldn't--

Lance looked at the prone Silver, who had his hands curled up into fists as he slowly beat on the ground, the frustration the child felt too much for the young adult's heart. Lance let out a long sigh, and stood in front of Silver. He knelt down to the child's level, as much as he could.

“You lost because you don't trust your Pokemon. You don't love them.”

Silver found the empty despair within himself burning up with anger. His shaking stopped. He looked up at Lance, and spat on the ground next to him.

“Tch. I lost because of a thing like love and trust? Don't mess with me! I don't need things like that.”

Lance let out a sigh. The child, a preteen, wouldn't be open to hearing an explanation, but he wanted to try anyways. If nothing else, maybe it could plant the seed that would let this kid grow into becoming a better trainer to his Pokemon, and a better human. How he had acted during their battle... To treat his Pokemon so terribly during the match, he almost wanted to stop it before the child had called out the other half of his team. How much had this kid gone through, anyways, to think like this?

“Listen carefully. If you really want to become strong, then you'll need to love and trust in your Pokemon's abilities, and they'll fight their hardest for you. It starts with treating your Pokemon with respect. They're not tools; don't run them ragged in an attempt to be better than someone. Having a rival is all well and good, but don't use it as an excuse to abuse your Pokemon. I hate that. It's things like that, that will cause a trainer to lose, no matter how much training their Pokemon undergo. Once you've established respect with them, spend time with them outside of training. Play with them. It's okay to let go and be childish every once in a while. You won't be able to establish any sort of connection or bond with them if you don't show them love and appreciation. And that bond will turn into trust.” Something it felt like the kid hadn't seen a lot of in his life. The realization pained him to think about, but there was nothing he could do about it if the child wasn't open to him.

“I don't get it....! What does any of that have to do with being the strongest Pokemon trainer there is?!”

Lance let out a half-chuckle, shaking his head. He didn't know how else to explain it to him, but... “I hope that one day you will be able to understand. Please let your Pokemon have some well-earned rest. Even with how poorly you treat them, they still made an effort, and deserve some time off. I think that you, as well, should take some time off to think about things. If you're ever near Blackthorn City, stop by the Dragon's Den. You might be able to find some answers there.”

That had been several years ago.

Silver had grown a lot since then. He had made friends, and re-connected with someone who had vowed to stay beside him. He had confronted his own father, the weak, spineless man who had abandoned him years and years ago, and while he hadn't exactly made peace with his feelings on the matter, it didn't eat him up inside to think about his old man like it used to.

That didn't exactly mean that days like today --where good-natured salesclerks brightly asked him about his plans for Father's day as part of their scripts, or tried to push a sale on him under the notion that he would be seeking a gift for or spending time with anyone who could even remotely be considered a dad-- were any easier or better than they had before. But as he watched Blue and Gold talk and laugh, as they sat around and ate the snacks that Blue brought them, it made him feel a little better to know that he had such good friends that stuck by him. Friends that trusted him, and people that he could.... rely on.

His hand reached into his pocket, absentmindedly tracing the edges of his cell phone.

“Hey, Silver?” Blue asked, pulling him out of his thoughts. He quickly pulled his hand out of his pocket, crossing his arms over his chest.

“...Yeah?”

“Can I borrow your phone real quick? I think I left mine at home and I wanna call to find it.”

Silver gave her a suspicious look. She was good at talking her way into and out of things, being sneaky while seemingly innocent. He looked over at Gold, who was busy playing with his own phone and feeding an Aipom he was training today.

“Can't you get Gold to do it?”

“Gold doesn't have my number saved and I don't remember it.” She gave him a plaintive, sad look.

“You don't-- What do you mean you don't remember your number!?”

She shrugged, looking at him sadly and innocently.

“Grrr....”

“Pleaaaaase? Pretty pleaaaase? It's just to call it!”

Silver had a feeling he was going to regret this. “...Fine.” He jammed his hand into his pocket and pulled out his phone, shoving it at Blue. “Take it. Just don't do anything to it, and definitely do not give it to Gold.”

“Aye-aye!”

He rolled his eyes and turned towards his Pokemon, remembering Lance's words about raising them. He had learned how to love and care for them, from his time watching Gold in order to figure out what exactly made the trainer stronger than him, back when they were still kids. Now they were older, practically young adults, and he wondered what he would have thought of himself back then, if he saw who he had become now. No doubt he'd call himself another bleeding heart like he did Lance that one time... But his Pokemon were happier than they had ever been; his Golbat had evolved into a Crobat once he had learned how to change himself and his attitude towards his Pokemon. He had gone to the Dragon's Den a reviled child, but now he was considered respectable among his peers there. Even Clair had remarked on his change, and it was hard to get some good praise out of the easily jealous, haughty lady.

Blue nudged his phone back at him.

“Thanks! I found it! Turns out it was on vibrate in my bag the entire time!” She laughed at her foolish mistake, waving her phone in her hand.

“...You're welcome.”

“Oh cheer up! You did a good deed today! You helped an absolute damsel in distress.”

He rolled his eyes, and was about to speak, but a text notification on his phone went off, nearly startling him. He gave Blue and Gold a suspicious glare, but they only grinned at him.

“Oh? Wonder who that's from; Gold and I are already here, so I'm not sure who else would be texting you...”

“Shove off.” Based off his friends' grins, Silver had an idea of what had happened. He shoved the phone in his pocket without looking at it, turning away from his friends who were waiting expectantly for the chain of events that were about to happen. “It's probably some spam mail or something.”

“You didn't even look at it!”

“I don't need to look at it to know that it's spam!” he yelled. “You two are right here, as you said! Leave me alone!”

The two other trainers exchanged looks, and Blue sighed. “Fine, fine. So what have you guys been up to?”

Gold and Silver explained to Blue what they had been working on as far as training went, and Blue offered to join in. The two boys weren't about to turn her down, so the training regimen for that day was adjusted to allow for a third person, including a three-way battle amongst the trio. Curiosity had itched at Silver's mind. He had managed to put the text out of his mind by focusing on training, but now that they were having another break, their Pokemon cooling off in the nearby river, Silver couldn't help but wonder exactly what it was. He wasn't signed up for any text messaging offers like Blue was, and he didn't give his number out to just anyone, like Gold did. Silver looked over at his friends, who were busy chatting and dipping their feet into the cool riverbank.

Hmph. They sure are spending a lot of time talking to each other today, he thought with mild bitterness. He chided himself before the selfish, jealous thoughts could spiral, and looked at them once more. They were distracted enough that maybe... Maybe he could sneak a glance at the mystery message.

Silver slowly pulled out his phone, looking around quickly to make sure no one else was nearby. The teen took a deep breath, turned on his lock screen, and took at look at the name on the message preview.

Lance.

He immediately threw down his hand holding his phone, the screen turning back off. His face flushed immediately as he looked over at his friends, knowing exactly what had happened.

“Ho-oh damn these people with its Sacred Fire...” Silver muttered under his breath, trying to calm himself down. It could have been a coincidence, but he didn't believe in things like that. Okay. Fine. What did they send him?

He took a deep breath, and looked at his messages.

<<< Happy Father's Day

That's it. That's all they sent. He breathed a sigh of relief that it had been something simple, nothing big, silly, or extremely out of character for him to send; only to seize up once he realized what the implications were, since he was still very certain that Lance had no kids of his own, biological or otherwise. In a mixture of frenzy and fear, he looked at Lance's reply, worried that the Champion had questioned the message at all, or said something equally as embarrassing as the sheer fact that his friends sent this message at all. Silver's thoughts were rapidly trying to figure out how to escape any exchanges that could have happened, as he looked at Lance's response.

>>> Awe, thanks Silver. :-]

Silver stood there, stunned into confusion as his face flushed. He just.... accepted it? Didn't question it? Didn't press for more? There was no comment on if it was in relation to the implications of Silver sending it. There were a lot of people among the Dragon Clan who swore that the mentor-mentee relationship had evolved into one more familial, of a father and son, and he didn't seem phased at all by them being proven right, had the text been truly sent by him? But more importantly....

<<< What the fuck is :-]

Was that... supposed to be an emoji? A clown? Did it even mean anything? Silver was too embarrassed by the entire thing to even remember to deny any implications that the message could have given Lance, or any that the Champion could have inferred...

His phone's text notification went off almost immediately, and it startled the redhead out of his confusion as he quickly looked up to see if Gold or Blue had noticed what he was doing. He didn't see them by the riverbank anymore, or anywhere nearby, and he wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

“Well... Whatever.” He looked at his phone again. An arm was suddenly swung over his shoulder, as Gold leaned against him, chin resting on his friend's shoulder.

“Soooooooooo, who was that message from?” Gold asked loudly, peering at the phone with the biggest grin on his face.

Silver scowled and tried to shove him away. “None of your business!”

But Gold held on as Silver struggled to push his friend away. In the process, Silver's phone dropped. Before the redhead could retrieve it, a purple flash ran by, swiping the phone in the process. Gold's Aipom had the phone gripped in the hand on its tail, waving it around playfully before passing it over to its trainer. Gold quickly unlocked the phone and read the message aloud.

“Awww, he said thanks! Aren't you lucky to have such a good dad in your life? He didn't even question it! It's almost like he knows.....”

“GOLD...”

Blue was standing by Gold, and read over the younger trainer's shoulder, before looking at Silver with a mock gasp. “Silver! You really use that language with him?”

“That's none of your concern!”

“Eh, I'm not surprised,” Gold said, as though Silver weren't right in front of them. “Though I'm surprised Lance didn't tell him something like to mind his language or anything. He seems like the kind of dad who would frown on cursing. What is that thing he put anyways? Oh, he replied! Let's see....... 'A smiley face'. What is he, fifty? Use an emoji like the rest of us. Or call it that...”

There was a pause. A devious smile crept onto Gold's face. “I'm gonna reply!”

“DON'T YOU DARE.”

“D...A....D, That's dad....  space... P...L...S..... please. There, sent!” He tossed Silver's phone back to him, darting away from Silver before he could lunge at him.

“I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!” Silver growled at Gold, who was busy laughing his ass off. Blue wasn't helping, as she was trying to stifle her own giggles. This was great. Just great. He loved his friends, but sometimes.... Sometimes he regretted being friends with them. This was one of those times.

“You--”

There was another text notification. Silver snarled at them, then quickly looked at the message to see what kind of damage had been done.

>>> Did you just type dad?

Hastily, Silver replied back, his face hot from embarrassment and ignoring his friends' teasing laughter, asking him to read Lance's response out loud.

<<< NO. MY PHONE AUTOCORRECTED

<<< YOU'RE NOT MY DAD

<<< I DON'T HAVE A DAD I WAS JUST BEING NICE

For some reason, he didn't have the heart to tell him that Gold and Blue had gotten a hold of his phone and sent those messages. As easier as it would have been to explain it, his flustered feelings had gotten in the way, and he found himself responding in a panic before he could even think about his responses. Silver's own panic had given a response to Lance that was possibly worse than telling him that his friends were pranking him and not Lance,which would have meant that there were no good feelings in the messages at all. He could have at least spared him that had he just been more honest and upfront about his feelings, but his own denial made it difficult to even see that he cared about what the older trainer had thought of him until it was too late.

Silver groaned, slapping a hand to his forehead. “Arceus end me, please.”

He ignored his friends, shrugging them off when they gave him apologies for the teasing, asking what he had furiously texted back. Silver showed them, embarrassed, head hung as they read.

“You guys couldn't just leave well enough alone, could you?” Silver snapped. He shook his head, realizing that was harsh. He knew they actually meant well, despite all of their teasing. They really were just trying to get him to open up and see that he had at least one potential paternal figure in his life that cared about him, that he could have had given the barest recognition to. Another groan escaped from Silver and he crouched down, embarrassed and ashamed of all the hard work that he had done thanks to Lance, resulting in this rejection of him. “...He's going to hate me now.”

“I don't know... He didn't seem to hate you when you met; actually, I remember him being concerned about you during the shutdown of the Mahogany hideout,” Gold said, trying to be helpful.

“Gold's right! He's helped you grow and change your life around so much! I think Lance knows you better than that. You're pretty tsundere after all.”

“Ugh. I hate it when you guys call me that.”

“Well, maybe you should stop being one!”

“Nah, if he did that, I don't think he'd be Silver!”

There wasn't a very long wait to find out, as Silver's phone now began to ring in his hands.

All three of them looked at the caller id at once.

“Oh.”

“Should I answer it?”

“What do you mean should you answer it. Do you really think he's going to just give up if you don't answer him? He knows that you're looking at your phone right now!!”

“I don't know! I've never had this issue until you guys made it a thing.”

“Hey, don't look at me! I told Gold it was a bad idea.”

“You still took part!”

“Guys...” Silver sighed loudly, trying to quiet down the squabbling. “I'm answering it.” The other two immediately shut up.

“Hey.” His voice was unsteady as he tried to play it cool, like his usual, detached self. The other two listened intently, trying to hear how the conversation was going. Silver turned away from them, going a few paces away.

“Y-yeah.... Sorry about that. ….Mhmm.... Yes... No, not like that! It's just...” There was a sigh and the other two trainers leaned in, straining their ears to hear as Silver walked away further from them. Blue pouted. Gold threw his hands behind the back of his head.

“Think we might'a pushed it a little too hard?” he asked Blue.

“Mmm.... Maybe? It's not good for him to pretend like he doesn't feel some sort of way towards his mentor. Lance really has been the father figure that Silv's lacked in his life. And I felt a little guilty for awhile that I got my parents back while he still... but the few times I've seen him with Lance, it's like... he actually has a parent for once? Even if Silver hates to admit it, he doesn't wanna let Lance down. He wants to surpass him, sure, but...” She frowned, looking at the silhouette of Silver in the distance. “He's probably wanted a better dad than what he had, and now that he has someone who could fit that bill,  he... doesn't think he's good enough for that? I don't know how to explain it. I just know he needed a push in the right direction and I'm pretty sure that Lance isn't gonna sign some adoption papers unless Silver wanted it. And,” she gestured in Silver's direction. “We all know how that would go if we don't.”

“Yeah, that sounds 'bout right for him. Well, maybe one day he'll feel okay. Maybe next year he might actually send him a text without us saying anything!”

Blue laughed. “Wouldn't that be nice? 'Hey Silver, did you remember to text your dad this year'?”

“ 'Yeah, I did, and he said I was a good son'--” Gold broke off, snorting in laughter. “Okay, okay. He probably wouldn't say that. But maybe we could try again next year. Who knows? Maybe by the time we're thirty, they'll have adoption papers.”

“Pffffft.”

The two broke off their chatter when they saw Silver heading back towards them. They watched as he approached, his expression surprisingly calmer than it had been the entire time they had spent together. He looked... relieved?

“Okay... Yeah. ….... Bye.” Silver put his phone away as he walked back towards his friends, the smug expression they were used to back on the redhead's face.

“What happened?”

“What'd Lance say?”

“...Heh. You two are in sooooo much trouble.”

[ofieugogyshz]

Fic; Yearning for Adventure

Word Count: 2600

no tws / super fluffy, lovey-dovey content / self-ship content

Summary: Sometimes it’s hard being away from someone who feels like home. Someone who’s so busy, who puts so much on their plate, and not being able to help them with it. All you can do is wait, wait, and wait, hoping that maybe, one day, they’ll make the decision for themselves... 

inspired by that one fucking uquiz and two lovedrunk fools crashing hands against their keyboards, cranking out things to fluster the other based off those uquiz results. 

I mean, uh. I really love my husband and I want him to come home damnit.

As always, I love to hear comments and what you thought of it! :D rbs encouraged!

----------------------------------------------------

We agreed to meet up somewhere when he was done with the current job he was on. The current Pokemon G-Man mission he was on had kept him away for awhile, a bit longer than the jobs he had been taking in recent years. He called me every so often, usually at the end of his day when he could, and if he didn't think it was too late. (It was never too late for me.) Some days we joked about how we still managed to have such a great marriage in spite of his work; a job that he had been considering asking for less of, so he could spend more time focusing on other factors in his life: the league, the clan, his mentee... his relationship with me. He said that he thought it wasn't fair to continue to ask so much of me, for how often we were kept apart sometimes. But I always told him that I knew what I signed up for, and that any complaints I gave him were always promptly taken care of; it wasn't of concern to me.

At least, that's what I told him. I always told him that, but I'm sure he knew that that wasn't the case. How often I had asked him to take time off from everything and go with me to visit Alola; a few times just half-joking when everything was stressful, that maybe we should just pack up and move there, even though neither of us had ever been. (He didn't like the joke too much, being such a responsible person, but he understood that I never meant seriously.) Even when we went to Galar for his match against its Champion, we could only stay a week; and I found myself longing to extend our stay, despite having put aside the notion of adventure, of having finally taking a break to just stay put and find a new, everyday routine. I'm sure it was the same for him; he looked as though he wanted to stay longer, and reconnect with the Gym Leader of the local Dragon-type Gym. But, work beckoned. A week off was all that the league could afford him, and he was already set up for a new mission when we got back.

I had really wondered if he was okay with living like this still. So when I heard him say this one night, over the phone, that he was considering limiting his time with them, I felt my heart jump in my chest. He never said anything that he wasn't serious about, and I... I really wanted to believe him. But for all the love and joy that he's brought into my life, I've been far too used to being denied things, especially in my younger years. I've trained myself not to expect too much of it, even though, when he said something... I always wanted to believe. I usually did. This though... This just felt too good to be true. So I was cautiously optimistic, cautiously hopeful, that maybe his words would ring true. But he was only considering it. Considering... It didn't guarantee an answer, but it had been on his mind for awhile.

That was a relief to know.

Even though the match was considered official league business, they did allow us a free week stay at a hotel. The vacation was much needed. This short little vacation where he was pardoned from all other work, all other responsibilities taken care of for a time. We weren't the same kids as we were when we met, two kids, two teens, on their own separate journeys; we had a lot more responsibilities expected of us as adults. I remember the thought flickering through my mind about how tired he looked, trying to split himself up so many ways; and how, here, during that week off, did I see him get the rest that he needed. The rest that needed, he deserved, from having too much on his plate. ...I wanted to believe that, maybe, one day, it could be like that everyday. I did my best to enjoy it while it last.

My Dragonite shifted her head, listening. Pika stopped her playing as well, ears twitching, a curious expression on her little face as she looked in the same direction as Augusta. I stuck my head out of the mountainside cave, the little cliff that jettisoned over part of Route 45. I pushed my glasses up, squinting, trying to see anything. Augusta snorted, a puff of air coming out of her nostrils, as she crossed her arms. Guess it was nothing. I gave my Dragonite a suspicious look, and she closed her eyes, pretending not to see. Meanwhile, my Pikachu continued to look around.

“Pikapi!!” exclaimed Pika, pointing above. I turned my head up, pouting when I saw the silhouette.

“Aw, man. I was going to try and surprise you.”

“Must be why she,” I said, nodding in the direction of my Dragonite, “suddenly went quiet.” I could just imagine him gesturing for her to be quiet as his Dragonite flew in, hovering above the cave entrance; my Pikachu, on the other hand, was not so great at unspoken signals. Especially when she was nearly as excited as I was to see my husband.

“I didn't think Pika was going to be around.”

“Oh, really? My partner Pokemon from when I was nine?”

“You know what I meant.”

“I do! Now get off that Dragonite and greet your wife properly!” I said, pouting at him again.

He laughed, jumping down as his Pokemon lowered close to the cave's entrance. Even though I usually found it cool when he jumped off, watching his cape fluttering behind him as he somehow always managed to stick his landing, I didn't waste a single second of this reunion, and found myself running to hug him, squeezing him tight. He returned my embrace, kissing me gently on the head. We held each other like that, quietly enjoying each other's presence. Time was on our side for the moment, as we breathed in the other's scent. Relishing that moment's peace.

“I missed you too,” he said slowly, hesitantly, as though breaking the silence first would cause the moment to be over, and time would once again resume, our adult lives parting us once more as responsibilities came to claim us.

“I missed you,” I said, looking up at his face. He looked like he was tired, but the sight of me had given him some relief from whatever stressors his mission had given him. I wanted to kiss that exhaustion away, and leaned in to do so...

Only to be tapped lightly in the face with a letter.

Well, that was unromantic.

I pursed my lips, pouting at him again, as I pulled the letter he held away from my face. “What's this?” I asked, a little grumbly. It had better been good to interrupt that, I thought. And he knew it too.

“Well....” he began, starting to look a little bashful. I raised an eyebrow, curious. He was usually the better of the two of us when it came to confidently and clearly speaking. “Those nights when I thought it was too late to call you--”

“You know I'm nocturnal, it wouldn't've been too late.”

He cleared his throat, and I took it as a cue to let him talk without interrupting. Not an easy feat for me, but for him? I could try. I crossed my arms and waited, letting him take the podium once more.

“It's a letter for you. I wrote you one.”

My face flushed instantly. I grabbed the envelope, looking it over and trying not to make my fluster obvious. (As though I could ever hide it from him.)

“Lance! Are you frickin' serious? I can't believe you would-- Honey, please.” I threw down my hands, letter still in hand, reluctantly accepting my flustered fate with resignation. I sighed, giving up, and held the letter close to me once more, looking at it again. “You didn't have to do that.”

“I know, I know. But... I haven't written you one in awhile, and, well, there were some things that I thought might be better said on paper. Especially with your memory,” he teased. I smacked his arm with the letter. “Ow!”

“Pff. You and I both know that didn't hurt.”

“It hurt my ego,” he said, giving me a sad face. He was using one of my own tactics against me.

“Oh stop that.” I rolled my eyes. My fingers traced over the back of the envelope, where the letter had been sealed inside. I waited. He didn't say anything, but watched me instead. “What?”

“I... Actually I wanted to see you read it. It's not long, I promise.”

My face, which had been cooling off from its earlier fluster, heated up once more. “E-eh? Uh... Um...” I fumbled around for my words, not even sure of what I was trying to think. It was embarrassing, for one, to think about him watching me read the words he carefully chose and picked out for me. And I was already so easy to fluster in person...

“What's wrong?”

“U-um... Nothing. Nothing, really.” I took a deep breath, trying to calm my shuddering nerves. “I'm just not used to this... I mean, it's been awhile since we've exchanged letters, and, well, usually we weren't face to face if we ever read them around the other.... I think.” I tried to think of a time when something like this happened before, but nothing came to mind. Memories of us as teens, meeting up, sharing our letters with one another; whatever we had meant to send out on our way to a meetup spot were shared during those moments, sitting next to each other, leaning into each other. Arms wrapped around the recipient, chins on shoulders as we watched with bated breath our datemate read, pressing our faces against the other's back... okay maybe that last one was mostly me. Memories of reading by candlelight during a storm in this particular spot came to mind. I briefly wondered if those initials I carved when I was sixteen were still somewhere, or if time or a Pokemon wore away at the wall that I inscribed them on. Maybe I was still too busy processing the unexpected turn of events to think of any other time except those.

I heaved another sigh, quickly accepting my fate, and opened the letter. I didn't read it aloud, at any rate, so I at least was spared that embarrassment. Though... to say his words were embarrassing would have been an insult that he did not deserve. He never shied away from telling me that he loved me, and there was not a soul that had spent any time around him that could doubt it. He treasured me greatly, and often went to great lengths to remind me of it. Even right now. I found myself skimming far quicker than my brain could process, various words standing out to me all at once, and I felt a quivering in my lips at the thought that went into them. I peeked my eyes out from behind the letter to glance at him. He usually enjoyed watching me do anything, but this was the one time I think he had managed to keep his glance askew, distracted with greeting my two Pokemon. I took a deep breath and tried again to swim through the words, letting them flow back into the sentences they once formed, and read it again, and again, all the way through, until it was done in one go.

I finally threw the letter down again, running to hug him again.

“You... You know you don't have to write me letters, right?”

“Sometimes, you need something a little more memorable. It at least kept me busy some nights without you.”

I laughed, shaking my head. “You're silly sometimes, you know that?”

“I know.”

He kissed the top of my head again. He pulled back a little, cupping my face; starting at my jawline, gently tracing the sides of my face with his thumbs, his hands gliding until they rested just under my ears, tucking his hands in to the loose hair that had gathered there. I felt myself pulled in for a kiss, softly, as though he were taking gentle care of something that he revered. I draped my arms over his shoulders, hands linking at the back of his neck.

I loved our kisses. The ones when we had been apart for awhile, they never ceased to be amazing, some sort of magical moment that still managed to make my heart skip a beat. It was a release for all that tension that came from being apart, a relief that we were together again. Passion still beat beneath that, restrained, as though we were desperate to let the other know that we were missed, but we kept it back, used it to keep our kiss going, lips locked, never wanting to be apart once more. Never to be left longing again. There was a bittersweet feeling in the air as our lips pulled away slightly, heads pressed together.

“Having you to come back to... It's what makes the job worthwhile.”

I nuzzled him, kissing his cheek. “You're just saying that.”

“I mean it, Sarah. You're what keeps me going; I look forward to coming home to you.”

My face flushed once more, and I buried it in the crook of his neck. His hands came to rest on my back, and he held me tight. I whined against his chest, embarrassed. As always, I lacked the words to pinpoint the feelings it gave me whenever he said that; I always used to assume he just said those things to be romantic, when we were younger. But I quickly realized that whatever he said, he meant; and every single thing he had ever said since always made my heart jump. Even the cheesy ones.

He pulled me away a little to kiss me once more. I wrapped my arms around his waist, leaning in to his kiss. A smile played its way onto our lips. We laughed, giggling, trying to kiss each other only for our lips to part. My mind played back what he said, as we kissed, the mirthful laughter still intermittent. Before we could get lost in our reunion, I pulled away, looking at his eyes.

“Does this mean that you're still going to be working the same hours with the G-Men?”

“Hm. I haven't been able to discuss it with them yet, but I did start filling out a request form to change my availability with them. It's been a long time coming, and I'm sure my colleagues there will be relieved to hear that I'm finally giving myself a break. Though, I will miss a lot of the adventures that job brings...”

My eyes widened as I listened to him. I had questions that I wanted to ask him about it, about what he meant specifically, what hours he had in mind, how come he never took this time before if others at this job were downright concerned for his well-being, but none of the right words would come to mind.

“Wow. What are you ever going to do with all that free time?” I asked, half teasing.

“I'm not sure. I'm hoping maybe spend more time with you.” He kissed me on the cheek, and I buried my face again, laughing into his chest.

“You know what?”

“What?”

“I hope you do too.”