#God I'll never forget how stupid crazy I went reading this
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awkward-and-indecisive · 2 years ago
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HAPPIEST FUCKING BIRTHDAY CHAN!!!
Fair warning before you proceed. I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense because I’m literally crying over here. I’m a blubbering mess because I love you so much and all I want to do rn is squish you in the biggest of hugs but I can’t so here’s some very long emo rambling from me.
I mean, what do I even say? How do I explain in words how much you mean to me? To me, you are literally a blessing. I would be so utterly lost without you that I’m scared to even think what if I never met you on this hellsite. It only has been a bit over a year since I’ve know but what a fucking year it has been.
You literally thirsted with me over Jensen Snackles and then encouraged me to write my first ever fic and I'm so grateful to you for that because if it hadn’t been for you then I never would’ve realised how much I love writing. You beta all my fics and are always so excited about any ideas I get. You kick my self doubt in the ass and are always so supportive of whatever I do. You literally do not have to do all of this but you still do and it just makes me fall in love with you even more. It just shows how gorgeous of a soul you are. 
You let me rant, cry, scream, tease and flirt with you all I want and never once judge me. Not even when I crack my stupid lame jokes. I love listening to you talk about your day and fanfiction worthy college drama. Just simply exchanging memes with you has been the highlight of my shitty days. 
You also act like a twitter filter for me 😂 and I don’t think I’ll ever forget that Soldier Boy edit I made that you made me post 💀. I just hope to god nobody ever sees it 💀 
I have never been the kind of person who thinks a few years ahead because I know that nothing ever lasts forever or even a few months, let alone years. But if I know one thing, if there’s one thing that I can feel deep in my bones, is that I can always see you being a part of my future. I can always imagine ranting to you, laughing at stupid things with you, flirt with you using cheesy hindi lines, going crazy over new wip ideas, thirsting over men, screaming when Taylor drops something new, telling you about stupid things that happen in everyday life. 
I don’t know if you know this but I absolutely love your writing. That birthday fic that you wrote for me has literally become one of my comfort fics and I always find myself reading it every few days. It’s just THAT good and your writing is just THAT good. 
You are kind, smart as fuck (just look at your college course and how well you do), funny, sassy, beautiful (i don’t clearly remember your face but i know the comment i made that made you slide in my dm’s 😏 and i still stand by it 😤), cute, so lovable that i literally want to squish you. I can run out of words but not run out of things that I love and admire about you. You’re beautiful in every aspect. 
I’m honoured to know you, not only as my girlfriend, but as another human. I know you’re not good with words, neither am I, which is very funny seeing as how we both are writers, 💀 but you don’t have to say shit for me to feel it. I can feel your love and support and care for me just through a screen while being hundreds of miles apart. 
I may not have all the knowledge about murdering someone and getting away with it like you, but i do know that if someone messes with you, then i bet my non-existent ass they can talk to my fists and the wall when i bash their head through it.
I may never get to know your face or your voice, but I'll love you forever. Your face and voice doesn’t matter (okay i don’t mean it like that. They do matter. Very much. Yk what i’m trying to say. Stop laughing at me being a dumbass!). I wouldn’t love you any differently than I do now. But that doesn't mean that I don't want to give you the biggest hug!!! 😩 *goes to earn money so she can visit you*
I love how we literally went from strangers to thirst partners to a writer and beta to friends to best friends to now girlfriends 😏. I wouldn’t want anyone else to have this 180k, multi chapter, slow burn fanfic journey with anyone else other than you. I just hope we only go forward from here. Fyi that means wives 😂
Thank you for making my life brighter. Thank you for making me experience that ZNMD wali dosti. Thank you for loving me in the purest way. Thank you. Thank you for everything you have done for me, keep doing, and will do in the future. And these are just some of the things I’ve mentioned that you do for me. There are a million others that you do that I know of. Million others that I don’t even know you do. It’s just I feel you’re here and everything gets better. I start smiling and having hope for this shitty world. The dark parts of me brighten.
So today on your birthday, I wish you all the best things in the world. I wish you immense happiness. I wish you the purest form of love that’s right out of one of your fics (NOT THE ANGSTY ONES!!! THE GOOD, HAPPY, FLUFFY, AND HEART MELTING LOVE!!!). I wish you all the light and laughter and good health. But most importantly, I wish you zero bus accidents 😭💀
I love you. More than you can imagine. More than I can imagine. 
Love
Your ‘behen’ 😒 (yes i’m never letting go of this and imma tease you till the end of times)
Abby
P. S. Here are some memes to tell you how much I love you because I’m shit at telling how I feel with words.
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I almost forgot to tag you 😭😭😭
@msmarvelouswinchester
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babluvsu · 4 years ago
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Eren Doesn't Know (Jeanx readerx Eren) Chapter 4
Dating Eren is hard, especially when he’s in a band that’s constantly away. While your boyfriend is gone, your friend Jean decides to help out with your loneliness. Problem is, neither of you can stop
Warnings: While this chapter is meant to be somewhat lighthearted there is som sexual themes and angst themes
I swear this was my favorite Chapter to write. Armin is so cute and sweet. Connie was something else this Chapter
Don't forget to checkout the other author's page!! @msack3rman they recently posted a Jean story, I'd suggest reading 😩
2k Word count
Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, ((Chapter 4))
The holidays were always the worst time of year. The mix between the cold and rushing to buy everyone a gift made these months some of the worst. This year in particular was a stressful one. Eren was home this year for the holidays just like he promised, but now you have to find time for both him and Jean. You knew this was no one’s fault but your own.
Jean was having a small Christmas party for your friends. Though it took some time, you convinced Eren to go with you, though you were hoping he would tell you to just go by yourself. Him and Jean in a house together for that long was not a good idea. Both of their egos are too big to be around each other without fighting. One of them always had to be right.
When Jean answered the door, he seemed a little shocked that Eren was with you, but he never said anything about it. You greeted your friends Connie and Sasha. Sasha kept talking about some food that Jean made, claiming it was the best thing she’s ever had. You laughed and told you that you would try some later.
Jean walked with you into the kitchen, making sure that the two of you were alone. “Why did you bring Eren with you?” He asked as a hand wrapped around your waist. You gave him a weird look, pulling back a bit.
“Because he’s my boyfriend?” It was pretty obvious why you brought him. “Just please don’t make anything weird or start any fights.” You walked towards some of the food Sasha was talking about.
Don't make anything weird? Jean scoffed softly. Before he could say anything else Sasha had come to get more of the food she was talking about. She was piling items onto your plate too. Stating, "C'mon it's a party we gotta stuff ourselves." You laughed at her and had to stop her from over stacking your plate.
"I'm good Sasha, one wrong step with this plate and Jean will have to scrub the floor for hours." Sasha made a face of guilt, her plate was stacked like a Janga tower and could collapse at any second, "I didn't think about that one." You rolled your eyes playfully and pulled her back to the living room. You sat on the couch and Sasha sat on the floor at Jean's coffee table.
You looked around after you had sat down and couldn't find Eren or Mikasa. "Hey Armin." The blonde boy looked at you through his bangs. You continued your question, "Where's Eren and Mikasa?" He looked at the door. "Carla called, they're talking with her now." You nodded and ate more of your food still holding conversation with Sasha, ignoring the times you'd catch Armin looking at you.
Jean peaked around the corner and called out your name, "Can I get some help in the kitchen? I'm setting up the drinks." You stood up and turned to Sasha, "Touch my food and I'll literally beat you up." Sasha gave you a mischievous look before reaching over and taking a chip from your plate. Jean grabbed your wrist, "Drinks now. Fight later." You gave Sasha a look before you were pulled away completely.
You were familiar with Jean's kitchen and you knew where he kept all of the glasses you'd need for the night. You heard the fridge close and you and Jean came to put the cups and soda on the counter. Jean glanced at you, and you jumped at the feeling of his hand sliding across your lower back.
Your reaction caused a breathy laugh to come out of him. He used his other hand to turn you to face him, his fingers pressed into your hip firmly. "I heard them say Eren stepped out.." You rolled your eyes, "For a moment while his mother called." He shrugged. "That mama's boy is gonna take forever to get off of the phone." His hand moved lower, gripping your ass.
Jean pulled you closer with this grip, "Jean, not here." Your tone was very strict. He leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to your lips, he gently bit at your bottom lip. The action caused you to chase after him as he pulled back. He gave you that stupid, cocky smile he always did, "I'm not the only one who wants this."
His other hand slid down before he lifted you up onto the counter. His hands settled on the top of your thighs and his lips were pressed to yours not long after. Jean pulled your body to the edge of the counter, settling between your legs as the kiss became rough. The fabric of his jeans rubbed against your core through your leggings. The friction caused you to moan into the kiss.
You placed your hands on his shoulders and pushed away roughly. "I said not here." He backed away to let you off of the counter, a pout on his face. Meanwhile Mikasa and Eren had come back into the party. Eren looked around at everyone, noticing you were missing along with Jean. He looked down at Sasha, "Where did they go?"
Sasha raised her head from your plate of food and said some nonsense that no one could make sense of. Connie smacked the back of her head, "Close your mouth when you're eating, were you raised in a barn?" Marco rolled his eyes at the two of them, "They went to the kitchen to set up the drinks."
Mikasa looked over at Armin with raised eyebrows. While Eren shrugged it off, she sat down next to Armin. "The kitchen?" She whispered the question frantically and the blonde just nodded. "Are they alone?" He nods again and Mikasa bites her lip nervously. She looks around before shooting up from her seat. "I'm going to the kitchen!" She exclaimed much louder than she meant to.
Connie looked at her like she was crazy before giving a thumbs up. "Good for you Mikasa. You go to that kitchen." Armin sat staring off into space, startled when Mikasa grabbed the hood of his jacket and lifted him from the couch. Armin let out a small noise of protest at the uncomfortable feeling as she dragged him to the kitchen with her.
They entered the kitchen, Mikasa still holding onto Armin’s jacket. “What’s going on?” Mikasa asks, trying to seem casual but it comes off more intimidating. Y/n and Jean turn around from the counter full of drinks to look at Mikasa and Armin, who looked like he really did not want to be there.
“Uhh, yeah. What’s going on?” Armin repeats, trying to sound just as intimidating. Instead he just sounded like a little kid.
“Um, nothing.” Jean tells them, giving them a weird look. Mikasa stares at you and him, taking note of the slight blush on your face. She nods slowly.
“Right, then what’s taking so long?” Armin nods along with her, repeating her question again, trying his best to match her tone. It makes you wanna laugh.
“Nothing, we’re actually done if you wanna help carry them in.” He tells them, hoping that they would stop questioning the two of you. You pick up a few drinks before walking out of the kitchen, Jean doing the same.
When they left, Armin looked up at Mikasa, “What did you expect? To walk in on them fucking?”
She sighs, “No but something is definitely going on, did you see the way she was blushing? They were probably doing something before we walked in.” Armin shrugs his shoulders at her, “We need to keep a closer eye on them.”
“Or maybe we need to back off because there could be literally nothing going on.” He turns on his heels to walk back into the living room, “You’re probably reading into it too much, Mikasa. If Eren trusts her then so do I.”
“Mikasa! Thank god you made it back from the kitchen!” Connie yells, throwing his hand over his heart, “Who knew what could’ve been happening in there!” He lets out a dramatic sigh, Sasha laughing at him.
“Yeah, Who knows what could’ve been going on,” Sasha joins in, “They could’ve been getting it on or something, thank god Mikasa was there to check.” The two laughed together on the couch while everyone else stood there tense, trying to play it off. Armin’s hand tightened around his drink, letting out a forced laugh.
Catching onto the tense atmosphere, Marco’s laugh started to die down, looking at you and Jean. He could see a slight panic in his friend’s eyes and he felt his heart drop. He couldn’t help but think how stupid his friend is sometimes.
“Yeah.. That would be soo weird.” Jean tries to play it off, forcing out a laugh as he looks at you.
“Dude chill, you sound like you’re trying to make a joke at a funeral.” Sasha laughs loudly again, letting out a loud snort that made everyone laugh. Luckily the tension died down quickly after that and conversation began to flow freely between the group again.
Moving to sit on the couch, you tried to listen to whatever they were talking about, but thoughts about Mikasa and Armin almost catching the two of you wouldn’t leave your mind. The feeling of Jean sitting next to you, an arm thrown around the back of the couch, broke you from your thoughts. You thought nothing of the action, finally joining in on whatever joke Connie and Sasha were laughing about.
You look up at Eren who is now standing over the two of you. “Jean, move.” He tells him, his voice serious and a little mean. It takes both of you back for a moment.
“Are you serious?” Jean asks, not knowing if this was a joke or something. Eren shakes his head, not breaking eye contact. “Dude it’s my fucking house, find somewhere else to sit.”
Eren looks surprised, laughing in shock, “I’m serious, Jean, get the fuck up.” By now it was silent, everyone staring at them. All the attention made your cheeks flush, looking up at Eren and silently begging him to just shut up. He looks at you for a moment and the look in his eyes makes you lower your head. You know there is no stopping him.
Instead of trying to stop the fight, Jean gets more defensive, wrapping an arm around your shoulders now. You could see Eren ball his hand up into a fist, his jaw tightening. You could hear the shaky breath he let out. "She's not your girlfriend, get your hands off of her." Jean's hand slaps down on the arm of the couch and he pushes himself to a standing position. He and Eren practically chest to chest.
"Oh?" The slight lilt in his voice made you panic. Eren's shocked smile fell, leaving a stoic expression on his face. Eren opens his mouth to speak but you interrupt him. "Jean just shut the fuck up for once." The silence was heavy, you could barely hear anyone's breathing, including your own.
Jean looks down at you utterly shocked, "What?" His voice came out soft and he almost sounded hurt. At the moment you didn't care. You felt embarrassed at how this escalated, and it wouldn't have ended like this if Jean had just moved. You set your drink down and stood up with a deep frown on your face, "Whatever. Eren let's go. Please."
The red on your face was burning. Almost painful as you avoided making eye contact with anyone, your eyes stung. There were tears trying to form but you refused to cry in front of everyone.
Mikasa stood up once the front door shut, "Armin we're leaving too." Armin's shaky hands gripped his glass and he looked at her before quickly downing the rest of the alcohol. Mikasa began to walk away and Armin looked at her full glass and her, shifting his gaze between the two. He let out an exasperated sigh before chugging her entire glass as well.
Connie raised his drink to Armin, "Hey buddy, you look like you need this more than I do." Armin, almost teary eyed, reaches for the glass. Before he could even come into contact with it Mikasa was dragging him out by his hood once more.
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a-smr-things · 4 years ago
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Underwater (Peter Parker x Reader)
T/w: Suicidal thoughts, trauma
Read at your own discretion.
This is my first time and I am still developing my fanfic style...so please do forgive any stupid errors on my part.
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If there was one person you hated in Midtown, it was him. Perfect hair, perfect grades and your academic rival, Peter Parker.
But like, seriously, even Flash didn't annoy you as much as Peter did.
And he just had to interrupt you while you were explaining your interpretation of the poem.
What the hell did he know about literature anyway? Science nerd.
It didn't help that both of you were the chairs of the student council.
"MJ," you yelled out as you ran after her.
"Y/n," MJ acknowledged you as she turned to face you, the wind blowing her hair all out of place.
"Do you have any idea where Peter is?" The exasperation was evident in your voice.
This would be the third meeting he had missed in a row. You didn't understand how the hell he had managed to disappear off to nowhere just before the meeting.
Either the guy knew apparition or he was in serious need of a smack to the head.
"Well, guess I will be alone this time as well," you mumbled to yourself as you walked towards the meeting room.
***
"Ow," Peter groaned as he walked away from the scene of crime.
Falling face first onto a garbage bin wasn't part of his bucket list but sometimes you get stuff you never asked for.
He swung over to the rooftop where he had left his backpack. His phone was buzzing off when he got to it.
16 missed calls from Y/n
"Why is she calling me?" He mumbled as he grabbed his backpack to go back home.
"Oh shit," he said when he realized, quickly changing lanes and swinging towards the school.
***
After school student council meetings are nothing to be excited about. It was pretty evident that Peter didn't like them. You weren't especially crazy about the meetings either.
After all, why would anyone want to sit in a room with some bored ass kids who just wanna go home?
As much as you hated Peter, having him in the meeting did take off some of the burden from you and you would rather he be present. But, no! The guy was apparently continuing his "Let me ditch on the meeting" ritual again.
"Y/n, did you bring the agenda for the segment about lack of sports equipment?" The representative of the football team asked you as you sat at the desk.
"Ah shit, of course Peter had to be in charge of it. Wait, let me go get it from his shelf." You said hurriedly, walking out of the door.
"Thank God Miss Martins asked us to put the files in her staffroom shelf, else I'd be doomed," you thought as you took the shortcut by the swimming pool to reach the staff room.
"Fuck." The tiles beside the swimming pool were slippery and you weren't being careful when it happened.
It was all so sudden.
Water rushed into your mouth and ears as you sank deeper into the pool.
Panic set in and you knew you had to save yourself but a cold yet somewhat warm and tingly numbness settled in your limbs.
Your heart ached and you felt as if someone was squeezing it. The sudden weightlessness mesmerised you.
Your joints felt like lead and your body felt like paper. Your face and chest hurt as you ran out of oxygen...but somehow, it felt good.
You couldn't feel anything but a sense of relief.
You didn't understand where this feeling of satiation was coming from, but it made you feel at ease.
You knew how to swim, but you didn't feel like saving yourself. As your body became oxygen deprived, your struggle increased as you flayed your arms aimlessly in the water.
But somehow you managed to stop yourself from trying to swim to the surface.
An addicting void filled your head as you slowly fell into unconsciousness.
***
Peter ran through the hallway trying to get to the meeting ASAP, cuz no matter how much he hated working with you, he was responsible.
Sure, he did forget about the previous two meetings but being a superhero was hard.
He ran towards the swimming pool corridor to take the shortcut to the meeting room.
He didn't expect his spidey senses to tingle when he passed the deep end of the pool.
He peered into the pool and saw a girl half-floating haphazardly near the floor of the pool.
Without leaving any time for hesitation, he jumped into the pool swimming in to grab the drowning girl.
It was only when he pulled her out of the pool that he saw her face.
"Y/n? Holy shit, Y/n? " He croaked out, rushing to check your breathing.
You weren't breathing.
Peter panicked and checked your pulse only to not feel one. After a moment of confusion and fear, he came back to his senses as he remembered the emergency drill they'd had the previous month.
"Five breaths, then a round of thirty chest compressions, then two breaths and repeat." Peter recited as he laid you on your back He had 911 on call as he started CPR.
He heard a sickening crack but had no other option but to continue. He alternated between thirty compressions and two oral resuscitations like he was taught.
"Wake up, Y/n. Please don't die," he cried as fear, panic and desperation filled his mind.
Her body was cold and her skin was shrivelled up from the water. She didn't look like the prim and proper Y/n he knew.
She looked dead.
Peter was overcome with incomparable relief when she opened her eyes wheezing for air. She wheezed for a while and stared at Peter, looking confused and disoriented.
"Y/n, are you okay? The ambulance is coming, don't worry. You will be fine," he said as he pushed you into the recovery position.
Your consciousness didn't last long. You were in pain and exhaustion.
Peter was on call with his homeroom teacher as you drifted in an out of consciousness.
The ambulance arrived just as Miss Martins reached Peter. She was horrified to see her model student lie unconscious on the wet tiles of the pool, her skin pale and her lips trembling from the cold.
***
You woke up in the hospital with an IV drip and an oxygen mask over your face.
You tried to get up, but the nurse was quick to stop you from doing so.
Soon, people were rushing into your room.
"Mom," you whispered under the mask.
"Baby," she was crying when she sat beside you.
"Wha-," your mom cut you off when you tried to speak.
"Don't strain yourself, you have pneumonia. Take it easy." Your head hurt and your legs ached.
Your throat felt like parchment paper with jelly on it.
"Phlegm and jelly? What a good comparison, Y/n," you thought to yourself.
Slowly, the gravity of the situation weighed in.
You felt like there was a stone in your chest when you remembered how you had let yourself drown.
You didn't try to swim up and save yourself. You had purposefully let yourself drown.
You didn't even know why.
Tears sprung to your eyes as you realised that you had almost killed yourself.
You remembered exactly how you felt underwater. You'd never had these thoughts before.
Why did you do that all of a sudden? Were you suicidal? How could you be? There was nothing wrong with you, you were perfectly fine...Why would you want to die?
The heart-rate monitor went off as you went into a full blown panic attack.
The nurse rushed in, calling for the on-call doctor as she checked your vitals.
Your eyes widened, tears flowing down your face. You wanted to scream but your throat felt like it was clogged shut.
Your hand clamped onto the doctors hand in panic as you fell onto your pillow in exhaustion.
***
"Run, run, run..." You chanted to yourself as you ran through the forest.
You had no idea how you reached there, but somehow you knew that you had to keep running.
You panted as you reached the edge of the forest only to see a huge expanse of rock and a gigantic rock wall in front of you.
You walked over the rocks, your legs shaking from exhaustion. The sun was shining onto you, some of the rays falling onto your eyes giving you a headache.
You fell onto your knees trying to catch your breath.
Suddenly the stone beneath you started rumbling and a loud sound filled the silent atmosphere.
You stood up, afraid and confused. And then it came.
Water rushed from top of the huge rock wall, falling right onto the stone you wear standing.
Your skin hurt, the force of the water bruising it up instantly. Suddenly, you weren't standing on the rock anymore.
The strong current of water swept you off your feet and pushed you along its course.
You tried your best to stay afloat but the current was too strong.
Water rushed around your ears and entered your nose as you struggled to breath.
The water threw your limp body around.
Crack
You woke up screaming, sweat covering your scrubs.
"Y/n, sweetheart, you okay?" Your mother barged in hearing your screams, followed by Peter and MJ.
Seeing Peter, you composed yourself and leant back against the pillow.
"It's nothing. Just a bad dream," You muttered under your breath.
"Honey, I'll wait outside. I have a phone call to make. Meanwhile, you just chat with Peter and Michelle, okay?" Your mom said as she left.
You took a sip out of your water bottle as MJ and Peter made themselves comfortable in the bystander seats.
Your throat still felt clogged up with phlegm, but at least you did not have a fever anymore.
"So, how are you feeling?" Peter spoke awkwardly, avoiding eye contact.
"You scared us, Y/n. One minute you are going out to take a file and the next minute you are being wheeled into an ambo. " MJ said, trying to make her voice monotonous and nonchalant but failing miserably.
"Peter found you." She said, directing her gaze at Peter who was doing his best at avoiding your eye contact.
"I know," you replied, not bothering to look at Peter anymore.
"How did you fall?" Peter asked, still not making eye contact.
"I slipped. " You replied but your gaze was directed towards MJ.
"Thank God you're safe. You are taking swimming classes after this, when you recover, period." MJ says, concern leaking through her usually stone-cold behaviour.
"Anyways, Ned says he will be here soon, I'll go get him," Peter said looking up from his phone. As he stood up to leave, MJ beat him to it and said,
"You stay here with Y/n, I'll go get Ned."
What her intentions behind this were, you didn't know.
You just stared at your arms covered in the hospital bedsheets. A cough racked through your body as you hunched over.
You were surprised when Peter sat beside you and rubbed your back as your body was racked by the violent coughs.
"Here, drink it," Peter said handing you the water bottle. You leant back against your pillow, feeling weak and tired.
"So, how did you find me?" You whispered, straining your throat.
"I was taking a shortcut to the meeting room," He said, finally looking at you as he spoke.
"The whole school is talking," he states out of the blue.
"It's kind of a given with what happened. I don't care," you rasped out.
"Peter-," you began to speak but he cut you off.
"If you are going to say thank you, don't. It's not a big deal. Just don't run beside the pool in those shoes again."
" Well, I wasn't going to say thank you and yeah, of course I need you to tell me not to run beside the pool when all this shit has already happened." You retorted, annoyed at how Peter interrupted you.
"Wow, typical Y/n behaviour," Peter scoffed.
"Well, if this is how you are gonna behave towards me then you might as well have let me die," you weren't gonna give up either.
"Is that what you wanted to do? Die? Did you want to kill yourself?"
Damn, he really hit the nail on the head with that one. But you weren't gonna admit to it. After all, it was an accident in the first place.
"Yeah, sure. You run around searching for a file your partner was supposed to bring but then he is an asshole who ditched three meetings in a row and then when you slip and drown, which you wouldn't have had he came in the first place and then he has the audacity to act all therapist hero-" Your rant was cut off as you went into another coughing fit.
"Fuck, shit, shit, it hurts." You said, clutching your side, your eyes watering from the pain.
"I'll go call a nurse," Peter stood up, panic evident in his eyes.
Saving random people in the streets and saving someone you know, whether you like them or not, are two completely different things.
***
Water in your ears.
Water in your mouth.
Water all around you.
Crack. ******************************
A/n: Part 2 scheduled for next week.
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boopie-balloon-lover-com · 5 years ago
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Bakugou's Little Sister: Deku x reader
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         The sun is shining, birds are singing, flowers are blooming, and Bakugou is ready to kill a man. The halls of UA are unusually quiet with no students roaming after school, not even the teachers are around. It’s odd but who ca- BAM! The front door slammed wide opened and in came a steaming blonde headed boy. With each step he took the ground underneath him rumbled; Steam rose from his calloused hands with a few sparks here and there. If anyone got in his path I’d hate to be them. He continued on his furious rampage all the way to the doors of class 1A. “..I wonder what the test’s gonna be about..” Deku mumbled nonsense under his breath while packing up his copious amounts of journals and school work. He was off in his own little world, making plans to study later on in the day. Deku would never have guessed what was coming his way.
The classroom doors flung open, startling Deku and ending his train of thought. Sweat started to form on his brow as he slowly turned to see who had made such a big entrance. “H-hey Kacchan!” Deku tried to sound cheerful but the murderous look in Bakugou’s eyes didn’t make it easy. “WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE HUH?” Bakugou stepped closer and slammed his crackling hand on the desk. Deku’s expression blanked as he tried to remember if he did something wrong but nothing came to mind. “I don’t know what you’re talking about?” Around this time Izuku wished he had left school earlier. Bakugou cackled while his lips turned up in a dangerous smirk, “Playing innocent is GONNA GET YOU DEAD FASTER.” 
Step by step he backed poor Deku into the wall. “I KNOW YOU LIKE MY SISTER SHITHEAD, I SEE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT HER. LUCKY FOR YOU I’M GONNA BLAST THAT IDEA RIGHT OUTTA YOUR HEAD! A LOSER LIKE YOU CAN NEVER DATE MY SISTER.” Deku felt his soul leave his body, he thought nobody would ever find out about his secret crush. Thoughts started to race through his mind. Oh God, what if he tells (y/n)? Death sounded pretty nice to him right now. “I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Deku decided to tell a white lie, realizing that Bakugou is only assuming he has a crush. “YOU FUCKING LIAR. I’M GONNA BLOW YOUR BRAINS OUT!” Fuming, Kacchan raised his hand as mini explosions started to erupt from them. Just before he got closer a menacing aura filled the room.
"Katsuki, what the fuck are you doing.” Your voice rang clear as the room became so silent you could hear a pin drop. The menacing aura the two boys felt was coming from you. Your bright scarlet eyes gleamed with a dominance that seemed to run in the Bakugou family. Katsuki, your brother, slowly turned around while dropping his hand to his side. “This shithead is pining after you.” He crossed his arms and growled (like the dog he is). Your head cocked to the side as a malicious smile grew on your face. “If he’s pining after me then let him. Stop being an asshole and mind your own business Suki.” Bakugou did not like your response at all. “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME (Y/N)? YOU’RE NOT GONNA GO OUT WITH SHITTY DEKU.” You took Bakugou by the collar of his shirt, pulling him close.    
"YOU DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO YOU BIG BABY. IZUKU ISN’T SHITTY, YOU ARE! NOW GO HOME BEFORE I BEAT YOUR FACE IN.” You let go while glaring at him until he broke, mumbling, “Shut the hell up; you don’t tell me what to do. I’m going home.” Bakugou shoved you aside to walk out the door and before he went out the door he glared at Deku. “Don’t touch my fucking sister or I’ll kill you.” And with that Bakuhoe left grumbling to himself. You turned back to Deku from watching your irritating brother leave the room. He looked a bit stunned but only because of how Bakugou didn’t explode when you yelled at him. 
"T-thanks (y/n).” Deku knew he probably could’ve taken care of the situation but honestly he was relieved because dealing with bakugou is a workout. You just nodded your head, cracking your knuckles. The screaming was hard to listen to but something stood out from what you said. “Do you mean that..?” You crossed your arms, knowing exactly what he was talking about. “If you were pinning after me I wouldn’t mind but you aren’t so forget about it!” You grumbled, a light blush appearing on your face. Deku tried to hide the smile that crossed his from seeing your adorable blush. “Just shut up and listen Izu. I came here to talk to you about something important and I’m not saying it twice.”
Deku nodded his head, looking at you attentively. He wondered what you had to say. The blush on your face turned scarlet as you tried to spit out your confession. Your brows furrowed and you stomped your foot on the ground. “IZUKU MIDORIYA I LIKE YOU!" You yelled it, wanting to dig a nice hole to hide in right afterwards. "DON'T FUCKING SAY ANYTHING JUST TAKE THIS." Your face erupted red like a volcano but it wasn't as red as Deku's. He looked like steam was coming out of his ears. You looked at him, flustered beyond belief, as you pulled a pink letter from your pocket. You shoved it forcefully at his chest while looking at the ground. "HERE!"  
Deku could barely function but he managed to grab the letter. He carefully opened it, taking out the handwritten letter from inside. Rubbing his eyes, he began to read.
Dear mop head,
For some crazy reason I've been in love with you for a long time. Your stupid smile makes feel so happy to see it. Fuck what Bakugou says, you're one of the strongest people I know. I'm not really good with words so I'll keep this short. I know you probably like round face so when you're done reading this; hurry up and get it over with. Just know that I'll be here for you even when you're with her. I love you more than all the freckles on you. 
Love,
(Y/n)
The poor boy had to read it twice just to get his brain to register what you wrote. His hands trembled as he put the letter in his pocket for safe keepings. He looked up at you, drinking in the image of you looking like a flustered schoolgirl. "JUST GET IT OVER WITH ALREADY. " You clenched your shaking fists, wanting this whole thing to be over already. Deku took a step forward with subtle confidence. "(Y/n) I love you too." Saying that was like a dream. He replayed how he would confess to you over and over again. it was going to be this elaborate speech of love and devotion but it only took five simple words to get the job done.
You looked up from the floor with a startled expression. The tips of your ears burning as your mouth hung open like a fish. "But you like Uraraka, Kirishima said it himself!" You couldn't bring yourself to believe that he would like you. Not when all the other girls in class 1A were exceptionally better. "Uraraka isn't the girl I've been liking for the past three years." If his face got any redder he would suffer a heat stroke. He hoped to All Might that this wasn't some malicious prank. You opened your mouth but closed it. Your expression was covered by your hair as you stepped towards him.
 Deku thought you were going to kill him from the way you walked closer. What really happened was definitely not what he thought would happen. You shot your hand out to grab him by the collar of his shirt, yanking him closer. Your face was beat red, only inches away from his own scarlet face. With a quick tug of his shirt, the gap closed. Your soft, pink lips were on his. It took a few moments for him to realize what was happening but, once he figured it out he returned the kiss happily. It felt like an eternity passed in a couple seconds. 
You pulled back and let go of the shirt, quickly putting your hands behind your back. You twiddled your thumbs while looking down at the floor. If Bakuhoe saw you now he would've laughed right in your face. Deku just stood there for a moment trying to process what happened. After what seemed like forever, he cleared his throat. "(Y/n) will you be my girlfriend..?" His voice wavered at the end but he got his point across. You looked up and stared, "you really mean that? Don't lie to me shitface." Even in moments like these you still managed to call him that.
"I wouldn't lie to you." And with that a smile erupted on your face. "Fine, I'll be your girlfriend but only cause you asked." You grabbed his hand rather gently and intertwined your fingers with his. He smiled cheerfully, still with a massive blush on his face, as you started to pull him out of the classroom. "Where are we going?" He looked a bit confused while you continued down the hall. You didn't answer and it seemed like you weren't ever going to but, you suddenly stopped and turned around with furrowed brows and a big blush. "WE'RE GOING ON A DATE."
---------------------------------------------
Originally I was going to add a bonus of Uraraka and Mina betting on if they were going to get together or not. I got lazy and decided not to ✨. Also, sorry about not being able to costumize your character. Since the reader is Bakugou's sister, you gotta have red eyes and blonde hair. (You're not adopted, sorry)
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rogue-barnes-16 · 6 years ago
Text
SWEET
Request: Can I please request an imagine where Bucky falls in love with a nerdy, sweet, innocent, short (I’m 4ft 10 1/2in btw LOL) Kindergarten teacher (I’m also a kindergarten teacher😂). They meet when she takes the kids on a field trip to the museum (the one that has all of the Captain America and Bucky stuff), they talk a lot and he asks her on a date + he introduces her to Steve and Sam as his girlfriend + Bucky being soft for the reader + sweet kisses, cuddles, and hugs.💜
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x teacher!Reader
Genre: super Fluffy
Tags:
Requested by: @kpopgirlbtssvt
Permanent taglist: @notexactlythatgirl @thisismysecrethappyplace @sofreakinmanyfandoms @pizzarollpatrol @bubblycypress87 @sinviix @loislp @lovenaturefirst @dyanna-corona @2ptonpt @goodnightmode @disneyprincessbuffyannesummers @mannls @cutie1365 @catch22inareddress @mybooradley @sebastianisasnack
Warnings: none (?)
A/N: wanna hear something funny? I read it wrong. Like the whole request, so I had to delete what I'd written and write it again (why am I such a mess?) and THEN tumblr deleted it after I had finished it. Anyway, I hope the wait was worth it, enjoy <3
Rogue-barnes-16 masterlist
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BUCKY'S P. O. V.
I didn't want to go to the Smithsonian to see the expo of Captain Fuckin' America all over again, but Natasha insisted that they had modified it, and that I sure had to go and see it all over again.
I was walking towards one of the newly added panels when a little kid bumped into my leg. "Fuck!" I turned around just in time to see the kid falling on his butt. "God 'm sorry" I kneeled in front of him to check if he was okay.
I heard rushed steps that preceded the view of a girl kneeling in front of me. "what did I say about running?-I'm sorry" she added, giving me an apologetic smile.
"I'm the one who's sorry" I smiled at her, but she wasn't even looking in my direction.
"Miss Y/n!" the woman turned around to look at a bunch of little kids that were now approaching us "look, It's Bucky Barnes!" the whole group started to squeal excited.
"Oh- I-" Y/n was finally looking at me with wide eyes and lips parted, and for the first time, I was able to see how damn beautiful she was. "Oh" she repeated, letting out nervous chuckle.
Her eyes, along with the children's ones and the few people's in the museum, were too much for me to deal with. "I-I'm sorry again. Have- have a good... time" I muttered, beaming at her before getting up to leave.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
READER'S P. O. V.
"Okay, kids, let's go pick things up" I said, smiling at the children while I grabbed the keys. I opened the five lockers where they had left their things, and then, after checking the number on my key, I looked for mine.
At the beginning of the trip, I had asked one of the receptionists to store my things while I helped the kids, in order to save some time. And, of course, they had to choose a locker from the third row.
Right before I left to ask for help, Bucky Barnes entered in the room and, flashling me a smile, he walked to his locker.
Taking a deep breath, I stepped to him and tapped his shoulder. "I'm- I don't want to bother but my things... They're in that locker and" he looked at the locker I was pointing at. "I kinda-" c'mon, say it, I thought, it's not like he hasn't seen you. "God this is so embarrassing" I let out a nervous chuckle "I'm too short to reach it, could you-"
He let out a chuckle. "sure. Gimme your key?" I gave it to him and waited besides him. "here" he called my attention, carefully handing me my bag.
The corners of my mouth twitched when, instead of giving me my jacket, he held it for me to put it on "Thank you so much"
BUCKY'S P. O. V.
"No worries, Y/n" I gnawed my lip nervously before adding something else. "it's Y/n right?" she, biting back a grin, nodded.
"well, thank you anyway... Bucky." she replied, looking up at me enough time to see the blush creeping over my neck and ears. There was a moment of awkward silence between the two of us. "I should get g-"
"Did you like the expo?" I blurted out, feeling incredibly unhappy about her leaving.
She looked at me, with a spark of surprise and confusion in her eyes. "yeah. I actually come with the kids often." I nodded, my mind buzzing, trying to find a way to keep the conversation going. "Did you like it?"
Sadly, I heard her question after I had spoken, and not before. "would you like to grab a coffee?" her lips parted and her eyes widened, I realized I should have thought twice. "God 'm sorry, I don't-"
"Uh... I've to come back to school with the children" before I was able to tell her to forget it, she spoke again. "but this- this afternoon I'm free?" she questioned more than stated, gnawing her lower lip.
"is that a yes?" she nodded, extending her hand to me. "what... Oh fuck sorry" we both laughed while I gave her my phone for her to write down her number.
"Okay so" she gave it back to me and grabbed her bag. "I finish at 4"
"Okay Uh..." I walked out of the building with her and her class "Send me the address of the school and I'll pick you up"
"Sure, see you later, Bucky!" She said excitedly, walking away with the kids.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I double checked the address she had sent me before climbing off my bike.
Bucky: I'm outside:) r u ready?
During the few minutes it took her to answer, a wave of insecurities overwhelmed me, but most of them were ridiculous things I had never been insecure of.
And then it hit me, how damn nervous I was.
Y/n: I have a problem :(
Y/n: come in, I'll explain
I did as she told me to do and, after asking where Y/n was, I got to her class' door, where she was already waiting for me.
"Hey there" I greeted with a smile, managing to suppress the 'beautiful' that almost came out of me. "what happened?"
"i have to prepare a last minute activity for tomorrow" She groaned dramatically, running a hand through her hair. "I'm so sorry, I really wanted to-"
"Hey, 's okay" I gave her a small smile, not even bothering on hiding my disappointment. "tomorrow maybe?"
"yeah... Okay" she parted her lips a couple of times like she wanted to say something, but she ended up giving me a tight-lipped smile and got in the class.
READER'S P. O. V.
Who the fuck cancels a date with Bucky Barnes? Oh, yes. Me. I let out a loud groan followed by a whine, and I almost missed the buzz of my phone.
Bucky: are you gonna be alone?
Y/n: yeah why?
He did read the message, but the fact that I didn't get any kind of reply made me kind of upset.
To my surprise, not even ten minutes later Bucky was entering in the class with two coffees and two doughnuts.
"what's this?" I asked, a smile creeping over my face while he set everything over my desk.
"Didn't feel like waiting" he handed me a one of the coffees, leaning against the desk. "and I thought you could use some company"
"I definitely could" I confessed with a chuckle, walking to his side and hopping onto the table. "thanks Bucky. This was really sweet."
We looked at each other for a moment, the same stupid smile on our faces. "can you tell me if the coffee's good? 'cause I have no fucking clue what I ordered."
I let out a laugh "how's that even possible?"
"names were long and complicated, doll" he defended himself. "it was easier back in the day"
"back in the day" I echoed amused before taking a sip of my drink. "well it's... Sweet"
"just like you, then" I felt my cheeks reddening at that simple statement. "and it's hot too" snorting, I buried my face on Bucky arm, who was softly chuckling.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The sound of my alarm going off had never been so annoying.
When I tried to move to turn it off, Bucky’s strong arms tightened around my waist, pulling me closer to his chest. "don't"
"Bucky, I have to work" I mumbled, trying not so hard to get rid of his embrace. "c'mon, do you want me to lose my job?"
We had been dating for a few weeks already, but it was the first time that I had stayed the night at Bucky’s house —a. K. a the Avengers tower— so I wanted to leave before anyone could wake up.
"not gonna lose it, darlin'. You're too good at it." he stated, nuzzling his nose against my neck. "You're so warm. Like a blanket"
I couldn't help but laugh. "Bucky, c'mon" I half-heartedly pulled away, earing a whine from him, and jumped out of the bed.
It took me less time than I thought to find the kitchen. Surprisingly, the hardest part was to find the food.
I was focused on the things in the fridge when a voice almost gave me a heart attack. "Jesus Fucking Christ! Who are you?" I turned around to be met with Sam Wilson himself, dressed in a pigeon pj's.
"I'm-"
"That's Barnes tee-shirt" he stated, calmly stepping to the hall. "STEVE GET YOUR ASS HERE, BARNES BROUGHT A GIRL!"
"WHAT WHERE?" My eyes went wide and I froze in place when Steve fucking Rogers entered. "Holy motherfucking shit, 's true"
"Uh..."
"'Course it's true!" Sam yelled offended.
Thank God, in that moment Bucky entered in the kitchen and made his way towards me. "found your breakfast?" I denied, not being able to formule a proper sentence. "shouldda waited for me, baby" he whispered, grabbing a few things from the top shelf. "Sorry 'bout them" he pulled me closer and pecked my nose.
"Buck" Steve called his friend and we both turned to him. "who's her?"
"she's Y/n" he stated, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "my girlfriend." I started to blush like crazy, and Bucky might have felt it, because he pulled me to the side his chest with one of his arms, while with the other prepared my breakfast.
"You're what now?" Sam asked, and I saw him leaning over the counter between us. "Tell us about you, Y/n"
I opened my mouth to try to avoid that somehow, but Bucky was faster. "she gotta go to work, right?" I nodded and he gave me the breakfast. "c'mon, baby. Eat and I'll drive you there."
"Okay." I finally managed to speak, and Bucky leaned on me to peck my lips. "thanks Bucky"
He gave me a smile an guided my out of the kitchen with the breakfast in my hands, leaving behind us Steve's and Sam's bantering about us.
"I'm really sorry. Forgot today was training day" he apologized again in low voice, kissing my temple.
"it's okay, they seem nice" I said entering in his room and leaving the breakfast over the nightstand. "but they're like hyped kids"
"they're indeed" he agreed with a grin on his face. "so" throwing himself to the bed, he lay on his back with his head resting over one of his hands. "now that I'm taking you to school, and we've more time..."
I huffed, but when he pouted at me, I gave in. "just five more minutes." I warned, scooting closer to him and lying on his chest with my arms hugging him.
"Okay, miss" he replied, shifting his position to be able to cuddle me better. "just five more minutes"
"Bucky I mean it" I warned him again when he got way too comfortable.
"No you don't"
"fuck you, James" I said, chuckling heartedly.
"sweet"
I wrapped my arms around his neck and brought him into a kiss, which turned out to be a mess due to both of our smiles.
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fanwarriorfictions · 5 years ago
Text
One-
A Stranger Things Fanfic
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Chapter Five- Part Three
Phina and Nancy make their way to the field, hearing Jonathan's gun going off. Once they get to the grassy area, they see him shooting at some cans set up on tree stumps.
Phina smiles at her friend as he misses every single shot. Nancy also smiles in amusement.
"You're supposed to hit the cans, right," Nancy asks as they get closer.
Jonathan looks at the girls and smiles, "no actually, you see the spaces between the cans? I'm aiming for those."
"Well then you're a perfect shot Jonathan," Phina smirks sarcastically.
He does a little fake bow, making Phina snort. She loved when he was sarcastic, he learned it all from her.
Nancy sets her things down, Phina following suit. Jonathan starts to reload the gun.
"You ever shot a gun before," he asks Nancy.
Nancy laughs, "have you met my parents."
Jonathan snorts, "yeah, I haven't shot one since I was ten. My dad took me hunting on my birthday, he made me kill a rabbit."
"A rabbit," Nancy asks.
"Yeah," he shrugs, "guess he thought it would make me into more of a man or something. I cried for a week."
"I remember that, I went over and had to take all of your meals to your room cause you wouldn't leave," Phina says.
"Jesus," Nancy whispers.
Jonathan looks at her, "I'm a fan of thumper."
"I meant your dad," she says, sighing a little.
"Yeah. Lonnie's a real PoS," Phina laughs, "doesn't care about anyone but himself."
Jonathan nods, "yeah, I guess he and my mother loved each other at some point. But I wasn't around for that part."
Nancy gestures for him to hand her the gun and he looks down awkwardly, "yeah, just uh, point and shoot."
Nancy nods and takes the gun, "I don't think my parents ever loved each other."
"Must of married for some reason," Jonathan says.
Nancy raises the gun up, "my mom was young, my dad was older, but he had a cushy job, money, came from a good family. So, they bought a nice house at the end of a cul-de-sac, and they started their nuclear family."
Jonathan shakes his head, taking a glance at Phina who just nods, "screw that."
"Yeah." Nancy closes one eye to aim. "Screw that."
She shoots, the bullet hitting one of the cans. She smiles and looks at Jonathan, who smiles back. Phina looks in between the two of them with a wide smile. Perfect.
-
The three teens walked through the forest, Phina leading about twenty feet ahead. Nancy and Jonathan hung back, together, and Phina didn't mind one bit. She looked around the forest ahead of her, admiring its beauty. By now, almost every single tree had lost all of their leaves, which now crunched beneath Phina's boots.
Phina sighed, she loved being in the forest, it brought her a comfort that couldn't be found anywhere else, it even soothed her ever on going headache. Something about the way the trees reached for the sky, as if grasping for heaven, with its claws out. The roots of the tree shielding her from the damned below.
Not to mention the colors. Her artists soul yearned for any and all color she could find, the forest bloomed with it. Even this deep into fall, the fiery oranges and reds calling out to her fiery heart. She wish she had her sketchbook and her colored pencils. She'd capture the essence of its beauty on a page.
She was brought out of her mind by the sound of Nancy's voice, "you never said what I was saying."
"What," Jonathan asks her, confused.
"Yesterday, you said I was saying something, and that's why you took my picture," she explains.
"Oh, I don't know," he says, flustered, "I guess I saw this girl, you know, trying to be someone else. But in that moment, it was like you were alone, or, you thought you were. You know, you could just be yourself."
Silence, and then Nancy speaks, "that is such bullshit!"
Phina turns around as Jonathan says, "what?"
They had all stopped, and Nancy turned to Jonathan, "I am not trying to be someone else. Just because I'm dating Steve and you don't like him."
Jonathan shakes his head and starts walking again, "you know what, forget it. I just thought it was a good picture."
Nancy walks after him, "he is actually a good guy."
"Ok," Jonathan says sarcastically.
"Yesterday, with the camera." They both stop again. "He's not like that, at all. He was just being protective."
"Yeah, that one word for it," Jonathan says, waking away again.
Phina rolls her eyes as Nancy says, "oh and I guess what you did was ok?"
"No, I never said that," he defends himself.
"He has every right to be pissed," Nancy shouts at him.
Jonathan stops again and turns around, "ok, alright, does that mean I have to like him?"
Nancy stops, "no."
"Listen, don't take it so personally ok," he says and steps towards her, "I don't like most people. He's in the vast majority."
He turns and walks away, again. How long are they gonna play this stupid game? Phina groans to herself.
Nancy looks around, "you know, I was actually starting to think you were ok."
Jonathan stops, again, "yeah?"
"Yeah," Nancy answers, "yeah. I was thinking, Jonathan Byers, maybe he's not the pretentious creep everyone says he is."
"Guys," Phina groans, trying to stop their stupid bickering, she was getting irritated now.
Jonathan starts to walk back towards Nancy, "oh I was just staring to think you were ok. I was thinking, Nancy Wheeler, maybe she's not just another suburban girl, that thinks she rebelling by doing exactly what every other suburban girl does, until that phase passes and they marry some boring one time jock who now works sales, who lives out her perfectly boring life at the end of a cul-de-sac, exactly like their parents who they thought were so depressing."
"Would both of you shut the hell up! Right now, you both suck, and I couldn't give a damn about who's wrong or right. I'm out here to find whatever took Will and Barb, so save your petty bullshit for the high school where all these stupid little arguments belong. Got it! Good," Phina yells at them fed up with their crap.
They look at her like scolded children, both of them nodding.
"Now shut the hell up and look for this gods damned thing," she growls and turns on her heel in the direction they were previously walking.
They follow her with their heads down, not noticing the shift in the trees. Not noticing how the branches coiled and uncoiled, copying the motion of Phina's clenching and unclenching fist.
-
Night time had fallen, and Phina had slowed down to be next to her sister and Jonathan, for safety. They pointed their flashlights ahead, walking and listening to the forest around them.
Phina stopped, listening to a noise she had heard. Nancy stops to, also hearing the noise.
Jonathan turns to the girls, more so towards Nancy, "what, are you tired?"
"Shut your sarcastic ass up Byers," Phina whispers, listening harder.
"What," Jonathan asks, a little shocked at her words.
Nancy sushes him, "I heard something."
Phina nods, pointing her light in the direction the noise is coming from. She walks towards it and the other two follow.
The noise becomes clearer, a distressed and painful whimper. As they got closer, Phina felt her heart painfully lurch.
A deer lays on its side, injured, bleeding everywhere. Phina covers her mouth, to keep a small cry from escaping. She kneels down next to the doe, reaching a hand out to stroke her.
Nancy kneels besides her, "it's been hit by a car."
Phina nods, tears building in her eyes.
Nancy looks back at Jonathan, "we can't just leave it."
Nancy grabs the gun she had sat down and looks at it, Phina shifts back a little as her sister aims.
"I'll do it," Jonathan says, noting Nancy's distraught face.
"I," she starts to protest, remembering his story from earlier.
He grabs the gun, "I'm not nine anymore."
Phina looks into the animals eyes, you'll be ok. The animal stares back, an almost thankful look in its eyes. Then it's being pulled back, almost to quickly for Phina's eyes to process. She falls backwards and into her sister, who helps her up from the ground.
They all breathe heavily, "what was that?"
"I'm willing to bet that's what we came here for. Come on," Phina waves, tracking the trail of blood the deer left behind.
The other two hesitate, glancing at each other before following. The blood on the leaves glisten in Phina's light. Jonathan and Nancy shine their lights around, Jonathan holding the gun up as well.
The trail suddenly stops, making Phina stop and look around.
"Where did it go," Nancy asks shakily.
"I don't know," Jonathan breathes, "Do you see any more blood."
"The trails gone, like it vanished into thin air," Phina answers.
Phina turns and walks away from the two, Nancy almost doesn't notice, but when she does, she follows. Jonathan, unfortunately, doesn't notice.
Phina shines her light on a tree, for some reason, it calls to her. At the base of to tree is a hole, which emits a low noise that sounds more like a growl than anything.
"Phina, what are you..."
Nancy looks at the tree and then at her sister. They creep slowly over to the tree, bending down to look at it. A gooy substance is all over it, and blood. The girls look at each other, the same question on there mind, should we go in?
"Jonathan," Nancy shouts, but they had gone to far, he couldn't hear them.
"What could go wrong," Phina shrugs, she's read enough horror novels to know those where the most fatal words she could've said, but, she didn't give a damn.
She starts to climb into the whole, a sputtering Nancy going after her. They climb through the tunnel, coming out on the other side. Phina helped Nancy up and looked around.
It looked like the forest they were just in, but different, more sinister. Particles float around them in the air, the color of the forest void. It felt utterly wrong to Phina, yet familiar, like she had seen it before. No, she shakes her head, that's crazy.
The girls look around and start to walk away from the tree, their flashlights beginning to flicker. Phina hits hers a few times and it stops.
They jump as a noise comes from their right. They whirl their lights on it, and are met with the monster feeding on the deer.
Phina grips Nancy's hand, so tightly that she'd probably leave a bruise, but Nancy squeezes back just as hard. They slowly back away, one step at a time, staring at the monster. Nancy steps back and a strange vine thing crunches under her foot.
The monster turns towards them and roars loudly, it's mouth opening up just like the drawing Phina did of it. The girls bolt.
"Jonathan!"
-1868 words-
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doodlelolly0910 · 6 years ago
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Close Encounters of the Spiritual Kind
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Summary: Emma Nolan spent a lot of time alone, and that was fine by her. Because one is never truly alone. She should know. She can talk to dead people. What she didn’t expect was one of these spiritual encounters to hang around, taking her down a rabbit hole of missing women, revenge, and, least expected, love. Can she save the day and Killian Jones? Is there even another choice?
Read it from the beginning on AO3 and FFN!
A/N: I can't believe we're already at chapter 19!! Ok, so this chapter. We get super feelsy and some stuff goes down. And some steaminess (finally amirite lol) and revelations. Things are leading to the end! Just a few chapters left! I'm thinking 3-4 more max. So things are really in full throttle here :D many many thanks to my wonderful beta @kmomof4 (whom I may have killed with this chapter lol) and to @courtorderedcake who is the disgustingly talented artist who created the art for this fic that I love so so much. And thank you so much to anyone who still reads this thing, y'all make my day with every comment, reblog, like, so thank you, truly, to anyone reading this still. Y'all are amazing. Ok! New chapter! Let's go!
Chapter 19
Emma was the one to take Killian’s hand when she got out of the car, though she was sure he would have followed her anywhere she went at this point, hauling him straight into the office and pushing him into his chair. He loosed a grunt upon impact, but Emma didn’t pay any attention to him, instead flopping her bag on the desk and beginning to dig through it.
“If you wanted it rough, darling, all you had to do was ask,” he said, adjusting himself and watching her move around.
“Okay, so, don’t freak out, but I want to try something,” she said breathlessly, dragging the other chair around the desk in front of him. “Remember the shirt? The first contact I had with Milah? I have it here.” She thrust the bag towards him and he looked inside. His head popped up when he saw the fabric within the zippered compartment of her satchel.
“Emma…” he said on a heavy exhale. She chewed on her lip and brushed a few strands of hair from her face, not meeting his eyes.
“I know this sounds crazy, but I just… I just want to see… fuck, this is so stupid, maybe I shouldn’t have- you know what, just forget it. It’s too much and I don’t even know-” Her rambling was cut short by the feel of his strong, calloused fingers gripping her hand and squeezing. She turned her gaze up to meet him, and the hope and trust shining in his eyes almost knocked her on the floor.
“Do it. I want to. Please, Emma,” he said, voice quiet but firm. Emma blew out a breath she didn’t know she was holding, her eyes wide, fear running rampant through her gaze, but she held onto his hand like a lifeline. She sat, trying to get her nerves under control, wiping her hands on her jeans to rid them of the fine layer of sweat that they had developed once he released her grip. He reached into the bag and pulled the shirt free, a shaky sigh escaping his lips.
“She loved flowers,” he murmured, rubbing the fabric between his fingers. “She wore a lot of shirts like this, but this one was of her favorites. Never thought I’d see it again,” he admitted and looked up from his hands to meet her gaze again, extending the clothing to her in an offering of faith and trust in her and Emma could do nothing more than wordlessly reach for the garment and grip it tight.
The encounter was gentler than she thought it would be, considering the first encounter with Milah had been so intense, letters swimming through her head and whispers loud enough to drown out everything around her. It wasn’t like that this time. But this time, she could see.
A woman came into focus, dark ringlets bouncing around her face, blue grey eyes alive with amusement and wonder. She wasn’t transparent, or glowing, or any other cliche ghost thing. It was like seeing someone on TV but right in front of her. Like a hologram, without the light.  She knew she wouldn't be able to touch the woman, her hand likely to go right through her, but there she was, all the same. Emma took a deep breath in and got swept up in the fragrant jasmine in the air around her.
“Hey, Emma,” she said with a smile. “It’s so good to talk to you face to face. I didn’t think we would ever get this chance.”
“Milah. I didn’t expect this to be so...uh…”
“Vivid?” she finished for her, walking towards where Emma sat in the chair before Killian. She looked at the man fondly, sweeping her fingers over where his hair was, her fingers slipping right through where the strands lay as if they weren’t there at all. Which, they kinda weren’t. But a shiver went through Killian’s body all the same.
“What’s happening? What’s she saying?” Killian asked, his eyes settling back on Emma’s face.
“Oh, Killian. So impatient, agrà,” Milah chuckled and Emma let out a disbelieving laugh of her own. Killian's brow furrowed and Emma shook her head, stupid smile still in place.
“Ah, she says you're impatient. I can see her, Killian. She's… she's right next to you,” Emma said in a watery voice, wholly overwhelmed by this entire experience already. Killian sat up straighter, eyes darting around the room.
“I don't think you'll be able to see her, Killian,” Emma said, a note of sadness in her tone, and Killian stopped his search, face falling slightly. He nodded and blew out a breath.
“How does she look? Is… is she alright?” he asked anxiously.
“Yeah, she looks good. She can hear you, you know,” Emma urged and Milah gave her a soft smile.
“Milah, God, I…” he began but faltered, looking back to Emma for guidance. “What do I say to her?” Emma was taken aback by his plea for help.
“I don't know, I haven't done this before either! Just talk to her, I guess. Say what's on your mind.”
“Right, right. Okay.” He breathed another deep breath, seemingly calming himself, and Emma mirrored him.
“I miss you,” he said, almost a whisper and a crack formed in Emma's heart that cut deeper than she'd like to admit.
“I miss you too, agrà. More than you could know. Please, please stop this madness with your thirst for revenge. Get out of this world,” Milah said and Emma's throat tightened as she watched the spirit’s hands hover over his hunched form.
Emma cleared her throat before speaking, but the tightness remained. “She, uh, she says she misses you too. More than you know. And she is asking you not to seek revenge anymore. She said she wants you to get out of this world,” Emma relayed and Killian looked positively indignant. She reached out immediately to soothe him, her left hand touching his lightly, the other still clasped tightly around the shirt.
“Agrà,” Milah murmured and Killian froze. His lips parted on a sharp inhale, his features draining of color in an instant.
“Killian?” Emma asked softly, moving to pull away from where she touched him but his hand shot out like lightning, gripping her own tight. Emma looked to their joined hands to Milah, then back to him. As tight as his grip was, she could still feel him shaking. It was like he'd seen a ghost. Or…
“I heard her,” he whispered, nearly inaudible. Emma's mind went completely blank. This had never happened before. “Emma, I heard her. She said…” he broke off on a chuckle that seemed to bubble from his mouth of its own accord. “She said ‘agrà’. I heard her. I heard Milah’s voice. I… I…” he faltered for any sort of word, shaking his head incredulously.
“Milah, say something else,” Emma urged, keeping her eyes on Killian and tightening her own grip around his hand.
“You're meant for so much greater, Killian. You are not defined by your losses. Please don't do this.” Milah was earnest, the pain on her face at being so close to Killian and being unable to touch him was almost tangible. Killian looked similarly frustrated and hurt, but there was an underlying layer of joy and wonder that she'd only seen from him one other time. When he'd kissed her the first time. Emma's heart broke for them both just a little.
“Milah, I can't, he is a monster,” he growled and Emma inhaled sharply at his direct acknowledgement of the spiritual presence. “He took you from me, he took my hand, he took everything and he cannot be allowed to remain unpunished.”
“It's not your place, agrà. Let Emma take care of it. She can keep you safe. She can save you, Killian.” Milah’s murmured words had Killian's eyes snapping back towards Emma's. There was still pain there, so much emotion, but there was a softness now as well. Emma only got a glimpse before his expression sealed up tight. His jaw tightened and he looked away.
He didn't acknowledge anything Milah had said, instead responding with, “I love you, Milah. I'm sorry for everything.” He unfurled his fingers from Emma's, patting them lightly where they rested on her jean covered knee before releasing them altogether and breaking his connection to Milah.
Milah and Emma sighed almost simultaneously. Emma could feel her soft eyes on her now and she turned her own gaze up to meet them.
“I can't stay, Emma. Killian will come around. I hope it's not too late. Can I ask something of you?”
“Yeah, Milah, whatever you need,” Emma replied over the tightness in her own throat.
“Take care of him. More than that, let him take care of you, too. There's something here between you that goes deeper than even you know. It could be something really special, if you let it. Don't be afraid to feel. I'll be around.” Milah smiled softly at Emma and turned her gaze back to Killian. This was a goodbye for her, a hell of a one at that, and Emma felt like she had been sucker punched in the gut. Who knew when or if this would or could ever happen again. She couldn't take her eyes off of Milah even as she faded from sight without another word. She continued to stare at the spot where she had just stood trying in vain to process what the spirit had just told her.
“She's gone, isn't she?” Killian's voice brought her away from her panic stricken fog and she nodded. He nodded in turn, a soft, sad smile quirking his lips. He looked up at her then, unshed tears making his eyes sparkle.
“That was the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me. You… you are amazing, love, just incredible,” he said, his voice cracking in and out of a whisper. “Has that ever happened before?”
“No,” Emma answered in a whisper of her own. “None of these things have. I shouldn't have been able to draw you so well, I shouldn't have these extended encounters with your loved ones, I've never seen a spirit during an encounter in person, and no one has ever heard them because we touched. I don’t know why these things keep happening with you. It’s like we’re… like we’re connected somehow, on this deeper level, or something. I don’t know!” She threw her hands in the air before burying her face in them. She felt a gentle hand grasp at her wrist and tug it away from her face after a moment. Killian's blue eyes bored into her, a heat and an intensity that touched her physically, making goosebumps scatter over her flesh. And then he spoke, low, husky, his voice the very thing sin was made from.
“I don’t believe in fairy tales and ghost stories, Swan. I don’t believe in soulmates, or true love, or happy endings, especially not for me. I am a villain in this tale, after all, and villains don’t get happy endings. But I do believe in you. Whatever just happened here was real. And I believe whatever is here between you and I, it’s real, and it’s true, and it’s so deep it scares me. You are something magical, love.”
She couldn't have stopped herself if she tried, though Milah's words made her want to jump in her bug and never come back. Despite that, she leaned forward, watching the caution in Killian's features slowly melt away as he realized her intent. She pressed her lips lightly against his before pulling back and looking into his eyes again, gauging his response. She saw the same heat there, only intensified, looking back at her from the carefully schooled mask he had in place.
So she did it again.
Something inside Killian snapped in that instant and his hand plunged into her hair as he sealed his mouth over hers. The strands pulled on his rings against where her elastic secured her thick locks on the crown of her head so she reached up to undo it with both hands. He took advantage of her raised arms and as soon as her curls tumbled free down her back, he looped his hooked arm around her back, hauling her out of her chair and pressing their torsos tightly together.
Emma moved her legs to frame Killian's thighs, essentially straddling him as he reached down to thumb the notch in her chin and open her lips to his questing and insistent tongue. The first hot lick into her mouth had her groaning and sinking into him further, her own hands snaking up to tangle in his thick, dark locks, pulling him closer and returning his kiss with just as much fervor.
He held her tight to him, a soft, breathless gasp of her name escaping his lips when they pulled apart for air that had her jumping right back in. His hand was everywhere, tracing the edge of her jaw, sifting through her hair, stroking the column of her throat and skimming down her arm before plunging back into her golden mane. He held her like she would disappear if he let go, and she knew in part that was thanks to the encounter. Too many people had just disappeared on him, just as they had her. The thought of him clinging to her like some sort of life preserver should have sent her running for the hills but it just sent her diving deeper into him, clutching at him just as desperately.
Lust and a want so intense it burned her from the inside out flared through her veins. When his hand slipped under the hem of her shirt and touched the bare skin of her back, she whimpered into his mouth, which in turn had him pressing up into her curves. She could feel his own want for her in the solid outline of his erection through their jeans and wetness pooled between her thighs at the thought of him being connected to her in every way. She had to stop herself from grinding down on him like a cat in heat.
Somewhere in the back of her conscious mind, through the thick haze of want that had infiltrated her being, Emma heard the tinny jingling of a generic ringtone echoing out into the room. She ignored it, pressing herself further into Killian’s embrace, sweeping her tongue over his own like it was the last thing she would ever do. She never wanted it to stop. But no sooner did the chirping from the phone stop than did it start up again and Killian was pulling away.
“Emma, love,” he panted, voice husky and deep, still stealing kisses from her lips as she tried to press forward like he couldn’t stop himself. “Fucking hell, your phone, it could be your contact. Much as I’m enjoying this, and believe me, I am.” He flexed his fingers into her hip, pulling her tight against his lap where his arousal was now more than a little prevalent, pulling a moan from Emma, which in turn pulled a shudder from himself. “I don’t fancy a police raid because they couldn’t reach you.”
The phone stopped ringing, then started up again and Emma squeezed her eyes shut on a groan. Clambering off of Killian’s lap, her hair wild where he had been running his hand through it, she snatched her phone from where it lay on the table in the corner and jammed her finger viciously into the answer button.
“Yeah,” she snapped.
“Hey, Nolan. Long time.”
Emma felt something swell up inside her at the sound of the voice on the other end of the line. Several emotions all balled into one, the most prominent of them being joy and relief, and she could barely get her voice above an awestruck whisper.
“Graham.”
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teddybear-yn · 6 years ago
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[all night - the vamps]
nct. jung jaehyun
last night’s craziness was just too much that some of it spilled onto the next morning
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It was 3:16 am, and I was still wide awake. Outside, it was dark and foggy. Typical winter weather. In my mind, it was a mess of disorganized haywires - the type you wouldn't even bother yourself to fix anymore.
I try to convince myself that I couldn't fall asleep because of the stupid red bull and jet black cup of coffee I drank earlier.
But in reality, I knew I couldn't because of a new number sitting in my phone of a new guy that was waiting for me to text him first.
It all happened last night.
My group of friends and I normally were the bunch of quiet weirdos in the corner that you swore could talk to each other telepathically.
We were always laughing though, sometimes got in trouble, and went way back. All the way in middle school is where we all met and decided 'hey you're kinda cool, I'll stick with you'.
So when we were blasting music and singing obnoxiously last night? It came off as a bit of a shock to the kids that lived in the college street we raided.
It was just a whim honestly, I swear none of us were drunk or high then. In fact, we were all completely sober. Some crazy remnants still made me giggle.
We started the music at around 9pm, at first we just wanted to drive around, admiring the pretty buildings. The stereo's volume was on 26.
But then by our 6th round around the block, I was sitting on the window with my phone's flashlight on, singing obnoxiously to whatever song came on.
My friend, with her window down, conveniently had one of those echo mics and was singing to the top of her lungs despite not knowing half the lyrics.
The stereo's volume was on 99 and the bass boosters were switched on.
There were college kids playing tennis by the park then. It was almost 12am.
When the attractive group of guys came up to us, laughing, inviting us to a club party, we thought 'hey we're already getting crazy, why not go the extra mile and get drunk on a Tuesday night?’
Little did I know that that night would be a rollercoaster of emotions.
We got to the club around 1:30. All dressed up, I was feeling pretty and confident. That didn't normally happen. I wasn't the pretty one of the group.
Everything was a blur, How I was sick of dancing in the heels my friend lent me, so after a few minutes, I was the first in our group to trudge towards the bar barefoot.
I sat there watching them dance with a goofy smile on my face. We always talked about how we would all go completely crazy someday. Guess that was today. But then again maybe there were more and crazier days to come with them.
"You made it. So can I offer you a drink?" One of the guys that came up to us earlier in that attractive bunch? He was right next to me, looking more attractive as he was dressed up too.
"I'm Jaehyun. You and your friends are being hunted down by the police for the ruckus you guys made earlier, did you know that?" 
Shit. I always thought how it was odd that nobody came out and screamed at us earlier for being a driving teen concert.
Guess they didn't bother and went straight to the police.
"There aren't any cameras around there, right?" I ask nervously. After a chuckle, Jaehyun merely shrugged innocently. He should know he lives there. I glared at him, knowing that he should know.
"Okay, fine. There are cameras. But the most you'll get is a night in jail." That rang in my ears, threatening to spill out in vomit. A night in jail? My parents will kill me.
Jaehyun seems to notice my distraught as he asks me again if I wanted a drink. "A cup of coffee will be fine. Black. And some red bull."
Now that doesn't sound at all appealing, but I figured if I was spending a night in jail, there was no way in hell I would fall asleep.
"You were quite interesting earlier, almost hanging out of the car window and flailing." He chuckles again, not really helping with my stress really.
"In Psychology you were like a mouse, spoke little next to nothing and there you were, all crazy." Did he say Psychology? So I had a class with him?
Great, so some of my other classmates recognize me too then. The quiet chick that went crazy that one night. They'll think I went high on PCP.
Really this information did nothing but add to my stress. Now I was on the verge of tears as I held my head in my hands, roughly scratching my hair. “Shit.”
Remember how I said it was gonna be a rollercoaster? And I haven’t even had any alcohol yet.
My mental breakdown seemed to catch Jaehyun's attention.
"Look if you're that stressed. My uncle's the head of this district's police..." He starts off.
"I can only ask him a few times, but I can ask him to waive you guys off." Sniffling, I looked up to him in broken hope. "Can you really?"
Next thing I know Jaehyun kisses my cheek and makes a call on his phone. As he was talking on the phone, I sat there like statue, mortified by the kiss. Did he normally kiss people he just met?
"I know, this'll be my last. At least for this semester. I know one of them, the one hanging off the window, yeah. Thanks, don't tell mom." After that, Jaehyun just looks back at me with a dimpled smile on his face.
"Now you won't have to worry about that anymore." He beamed. He was right, I didn't have to worry about that cause now, I had to worry about how much I owe him. And that kiss on my cheek, Jesus Christ.
I know how this worked, his favor wasn't for free.
"Your number." The phrase 'this'll be my last' particularly rang in my head, drowning me in guilt.
I was the only one whose face was caught outside the car, I could've turned myself in and not bother anyone, especially my friends.
"I said your number would make it up." Only then was I snapped out, when Jaehyun put a hand on my thigh. I flinched away from it. And he took the signal.
"If you give me your number we'll be even." Why did he want my number? Reluctantly, I gave it to him and he gave his. Not knowing where this was going I started to look for my friends in the crowd, to leave.
But before I stood up and actually leave, Jaehyun grabbed my wrist, the same dimpled smile on his face.
"I won't force you to talk to me, so I'll wait for your text first, okay? Just don't leave me hanging." He said and with that I walked away, grabbing all 3 of my drunk friends and driving us home.
His smile softened me a bit, with the two dimples that added an extra cuteness to his face. Darn he was cute.
When we got home, it was 2:48am. I got all the girls out of their clothes, forced them to shower and drink a full glass of water before doing so myself.
As I got out of the shower, I saw them giggling amongst themselves like teenagers, stopping when they saw me.
"What is it?" I walked up to them, drying my hair with my towel.
"When are you texting Jaehyun?" My best friend asked me excitedly as if she couldn't hold it in anymore. But her question honestly just reminded me about that incident. With Jaehyun.
"How do you know about that?" Brushing it off, it seems my attempt at changing the topic only made it worse. Now they started squealing while my best friend kept saying 'i told you so'.
"I told you he was into her! Why else would he go all the way around the car to ask us to his party. And through her! He was even leaning to her earlier." She said all in one breath, but not without emphasizing some specific parts.
It took me a while to realize what on earth she was talking about. And without my other friend's help, I wouldn't have.
"She's talking about how earlier Jaehyun and his friends were closer to the right side of the car and could've asked her if we wanted to go to the party because she had her window down. We all did.." I see my best friend nodding triumphantly.
"But he went all the way around the car to ask you on the other side and he was leaning in too. So we figured he liked you."
That's it? They were basing these assumptions out of that one small detail. Pssh.
"It's the small things that matter." They all tell me. Great, now I'm starting to believe it.
Just as I was about to delete his number and forget it ever happened too.
"Oh, let's all just go to sleep. We still have class tomorrow." I hurriedly downed a glass of water (but then remembering I didn't really drink tonight) and usher the girls into their rooms.
Now it was 3:16am and I was still wide awake. The past few hours felt like a dream. I held my heart and still felt the adrenaline of the party and us driving around college street with our volume maxed.
I held my phone in my hands, switched on and on Jaehyuns contact. Something in me wanted to see if he really wouldn't text me first like he said, but a bigger part was telling me to go and not leave the guy hanging.
Who am I kidding? He probably has a bunch of girls' numbers that's why he didn't want to text me first. Cause he was too busy with the others. I wouldn't be leaving him hanging.
But here I was, typing and erasing words in my phone repeatedly. A never-ending cycle. Again, a rollercoaster.
sent
would you really not text me first even if you had my number?
My heart felt like it was stuck in my throat as I threw my phone to other side of my room. Only to stand up and pick it up as I hear the familiar ding of a new message.
received
honestly, I would have. but now I'm just glad you didn't leave me hanging.
A blush was creeping up my face as I read his text. He was glad I texted him.
sent
I never really said thank you for getting your uncle to waive us. so, thank you.
God, I felt so cringey and strange.
received
you're welcome. just don't do it again because that was my last favor from him probably and you could've gotten hurt hanging off the car window like that.
Now, I really felt strange. It was something I couldn't explain, like I felt lured so much into this Jaehyun I just met. I didn't even notice the smile on my face that came up since his first text.
sent
I'm sorry I took your last :( I'll make it up however I can.
received
you can make it up by eating out with me tomorrow after classes?
sent
sure, I'll pay for wherever you want to eat
received
as a date and I'll pay. it's only right that I should
There it was again, the feeling where it felt like my heart was stuck in my throat. Anyone seeing me would think I was a maniac with how I was smiling so weirdly into my phone.
sent
alright but you choose where to eat
I texted Jaehyun so that I could fall asleep, but now it was 5:12am and the sun was starting to rise. We basically texted each other for 2 hours straight.
I knew all these stupid facts about Jaehyun now too. About how he's a music major, he had a lot of friends - 17 of them and some were still in highschool, he lived in California for 4 years - or was that Connecticut, and how he actually legally changed his name to Yoonoh but just didn't use it cause it sounded like someone else's.
received
it's 5:30 already. when's your first class?
sent
7...
received
you should go to sleep now. wouldn't want you falling asleep in class, babe.
sent
alright. goodnight, Jae.
received 
goodnight, darling. 
Babe and darling. I just met this man last night, technically, this morning. But already, Jung Jaehyun was becoming the death of me.
A/N. so my friends and i did this crazy thing where we drove around a college district at 9pm on a tuesday night, with our windows down, volume on max, and bass boosters switched on. we got in trouble but it felt so...
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treadmilltreats · 5 years ago
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Allowing self expression 
Recently I read that Alicia Keys son wanted to paint his nails but he was worried about getting picked on. She was upset about that because she feels that everybody should have freedom of expression, of who they are. I am a big believer in being who you are, being true to yourself.
There's nothing worse than having to live a lie as someone else or as someone, that someone wants you to be.
 I have always taught my girls to dance to the beat of their own drummer as I have all my life. Growing up in a small country town where everybody was redneck, I didn't fit in. My whole family lived in the city and I wanted to be that city girl so I would dress like I was one. Here I was with my Joan Collins hats with veils (okay, older than dirt reference)  with my matching pocketbooks and shoes, looking like I just stepped out of vogue magazine, walking into a redneck bar when everybody else was in flannel shirts and shit kicking boots.
But I didn't care, I always did me, like it or not talk about me or not, I didn't care.
When my girls were growing up I allowed them to get piercings, I allowed them to get their hair colored, all colors, pink and purple and green, whatever they wanted.
I allowed their choices in clothes, they got to pick who they wanted to be  and how they dressed. There were many other things I could fight about with my kids but self-expression was definitely not one of them. 
You need to let your kids have self expression, why is it that we want to be like everyone else? What fun is that? You need to be who God made you to be, unique, different, out there and there's nothing wrong with that. What's wrong with being who you truly are? Whether you're straight or gay or transgender or loud or flamboyant, it doesnt matter, this is what makes the world go around, this is what makes this place is so amazing, is that we all all are so different.
 So why is it that so many people want to put us in a cookie cutter box? What's the big deal if her son wanted to get his nails painted, it doesn't necessarily mean it's going to "turn him gay" whatever the hell that stupid saying means. Many rock and roll stars nowadays are straight and they paint their nails because again, it's a freedom of expression. 
 Why is it that people are so fast to point and talk about people? Look we all just want to be who we are. 
 I always told my girls that yes, people may talk about you and yes, people may laugh at you or taunt you or be cruel to you but keep being you.
I also told them people talk shit even when they don't know you and don't know about you or who you truly are. I told him the story of how growing up, I had only guy friends because I was a tomboy and that I used to only hang out with the boys at school. Everybody in school called me a whore, even though I was a virgin, who was dating the same high school sweetheart for 6 years but if you talked to anybody and they would say that I was giving it up to all the boys that I hung out with.
That was farthest from the truth, in fact I saved my virginity until I was eighteen and it was with my high-school sweetheart. 
 That's why I told my girls don't listen to people because they're going to talk shit no matter what, so just do your own thing, just do you.
These are the lessons that I hoped I  taught my girls and hopefully they will pass along to their children, one day.
That is the problem with the world today, we are not accepting of people. Why can't we just accept people for who they are? Why can't we have compassion for people? Why can't we just let people be who they are, wonderfully made in God's eyes. Why must we judge them? Why must we be mean? Why was there so be so many haters out there? Look stay in your own lane, do your own thing, leave others alone and let them do theirs. Why is that so hard in today's society?
 I'll never forget when my best friend decided to come out, he told everybody before he told me and when he finally told me (which duh! I had known already for years without him saying it)
 I asked him why I was the last one to know? I was mad about that fact and he said because my opinion mattered the most. I looked him in his eyes and I said you're my best friend, you're the same person you were 10 minutes ago, the only thing that changed is who you like to sleep with and I couldn't care less. That's how we all should be.
 That is why if you look at my circle of friends it's like the United Nations. I have black friends, white friends, Spanish friends, Jewish friends, gay friends, straight friends... it doesn't matter because I see a person for who they truly are,in their souls. That's the only thing that should matter, so stop labeling people, stop putting people in boxes. I don't believe in that, I don't believe in boxes, I don't believe in labels, I believe in expressing yourself the way you want to. Express yourself with being who you are, with doing what you want to, with wearing what you want. You get one life, don't let somebody tell you how to live that life, do you, live large, be flamboyant, be loud, be crazy, this is what makes the world go around.
 I'll leave you with one last story when I was married for 24 years, my ex-husband wanted me to be a certain way but when he first met me he met the true me. The me that curses, the me that laughs loud, the me that talks everybody, that has a lot of guy friends. The me that is the life of the party, outgoing, positive and larger than life but then when he got me he wanted to change me into something that he wanted me to be. He wanted this perfect image of this perfect family so he no longer wanted me to laugh out loud or be loud or curse or dress a certain way,he wanted his perfect version of me which was nothing like who I truly was.
Because I was in love with him and I wanted to please him, so I started to change things about me and little by little I lost who I truly was. Everyday I was more and more miserable because I wasn't being who God made me to be. 
One weekend I went away with a bunch of high school friends and I got to be who I really was, because they knew me and they loved me for me and they didn't judge me. When the weekend was over and I was coming back home I had an anxiety attack and had to pull the car over because I couldn't breathe and I was crying so bad.
I didn't want to go back to this box that my ex-husband painted for me to live in. I didn't want to be that person anymore, I wanted to be the person I was on that beach that weekend, the real me. That's when I realized that I couldn't do this anymore, I couldn't be who some who he wanted me to be. That is when I knew it was over and I had to leave because I was dying a slow death being what someone else wanted me to be.
 So today my friends, my message to you is be you, do you, dance to the beat of your own drummer, dance in the streets, sing out loud and off-key, be whoever you want to be and don't be ashamed of it.
If you have children teach them this lesson, let them paint their nails let them have crazy hair colors and piercings and dress the way they want to dress because they are developing who they are. Don't stifle them, don't put them in the box that you want them to be in because trust me you're going to make them miserable.
 I applaud Alicia Keys for allowing her son to dance to the beat of his own drummer and I really hope this opens up a dialogue between parents and children and everybody else out there to have compassionate for everybody,  because that's what this world needs right now, more of that.
Live and let life and be tolerant of others self expression.
"Be the change you want to see"
 
"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"
**Now released my latest book**
The Blessing in Disguise.... revealed
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My 1st book The blessing in Disguise 
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