#God I hope I have weed by then 🤞

[polyamoryprincess]

we’re doing Christmas at my uncles and it’s my first Christmas in several years with other people and I’ve had a horrible realization that 1 of 3 things will happen.

My uncle and his wife actually got tables to accommodate the amount of people there will be (feels unlikely but idk)

There’s a kid’s table and I (27) am placed there along with my brother who I don’t talk to and don’t want to talk to

theres a kid’s table and I am placed there and my brother isn’t (I will literally leave early if this happens lmao)

[verdantdaises]

Do you have more Catholic Bradley headcanons? I also see him as Catholic too 🤞 and I'd love to hear more of your thoughts

(ps love your fics!)

OMG!! (Thank u btw ily)

OMG!! I love Catholic guilt Bradley!! I will say, straight up, I’m not religious, and I never have been, so I’m not VEry familiar with Catholic stuff, but I’ll try my best to get the ✨vibe✨ sorry if I get anything wrong and they aren’t very specific, I’m not very confident with the details despite my research lol

-he used to go to confession almost every week after school, desperately trying to do anything to quell the impending sense of panic that came with all the thoughts about boys (of course)

-he was one of the only kids in his parish that went that frequently, and his parents used to brag that it was because he was because he was wise beyond his years, and would do anything to be in God’s good graces

-the first time he went to a high school party with weed, he went to confession every day for a week

-quickly however; he starts to use recreational drugs and drinking to quash the impure thoughts, he mumbles a quick prayer of forgiveness every time he finishes a drink, but it doesn’t stop him, the guilt got murky when he was under the influence

-he stopped going to communion and confession when he was 18, he tells his parents he still goes, but he doesn’t feel like he’s worthy of gods good graces

-he was really close to a boy in his parish, they spent services together, they would run around outside of church after services while their parents spoke. When they were 15, they hid in the pews while everyone was milling around outside and he kissed him. Bradley freaked out, and pushed him over, and he cracked his front tooth on the tiled floor. His parents berated him for hours and hours, and he sees the cracked tooth and the smile of the boy who made his haunting thoughts a reality in his nightmares, because he LIKED it.

-it confirmed everything about how he saw himself, it wasn’t a hypothetical, or just thoughts anymore. He spiralled for a few weeks, refusing to leave his room or his house, except to go to church. His parents thought he had come down with a stomach bug. The boys family moved pretty quickly to another church after this incident, and Bradley never saw him again, sans in his head every night for years.

-speaking of nightmares, when he was a teen, he used to wake up screaming, so much so his parents tried to take him to a doctor, but obviously there wasn’t anything physically wrong with him. It morphed into just waking up soaked with sweat.

-when he was 24 he starts the painful process of deconstruction with the help of Max and Tank’s support, and his parents don’t take it well at all. They cut him off completely, and his mom secretly sends him periodic messages saying she’s praying for his soul, and that she hopes he might one day make it to heaven. He never replies.

-the guilt gets smaller, but there’s moments he reaches for his rosary, and he finds his tongue knows the shape of prayers no matter how old he gets.

[schmedterlingfreud]

​🩶​Day [20 of 100] of Productivity​🩶​

Writing: - La cosa più pericolosa - Chapter 22; Work in progress - Effetto Luna - Chapter 19; Editing in progress, coming soon (next week if I'm doing things right 🤞) - I'm actually still thinking about and working on that brand-new project I started this summer. Even if I said it wasn't that important, and too rough, with a too-many-holes plot, I found myself digging and finding something new almost every day, so it may result in something I could actually write. Big news are that it now has a title (and a theme)! I'm swinging (as the writers God intended) between the urge to overshare the details and the reasonable will to keep them for me. I wonder what I'm going to do about it. As if I do not have too many WIPs on my ink-stained hands, uurgh…

Reading: - The Man in the High Castle, by Philip K. Dick - The Handmaid's Tale, by Margaret Atwood

Listening to: Minecraft OST

Snacking on: Marshmallow cupcakes

Extra: This week I've been experimenting with a lot of news at work -- now I'm starting to work on the factory machines, and not just the production line (… damn lack of staff). In fact, I was hoping this day would have never come, since I was sweating cold from the anxiety of being entrusted with the responsibility of an industrial machine. Luckily, the coworkers who are supporting and teaching me are chill people. Strict but not aggressive. My fear of disappointing expectations is sky-high anyway, as always. This work isn't even as difficult as I thought it would be. It's similar (and maybe even easier) to what I did when I used to work in the saw blades factory, where I was in charge of setting up and checking out my machine during the printing process. And I've found that I've missed cursing the machines when they don't respond to commands, more than I thought (now it's “Take the fucking crackers and put them in your fucking metal arse”, instead of “Take the fucking blade and put it in your fucking metal arse”). ⚙️​ The disappointment of the week is that, unfortunately, the hemp extract pills I bought for my chronic pain don't seem to work. I'm disappointed, but not that surprised. After all, even when I smoke weed I barely feel a change in my body and brain👀​. My contracture on the left side of my body seems to be getting worse day by day, so I'm risking an overdose of anti-inflammatories, which seem to be the only drugs that really help me. I have blood tests next week, and a new visit with the rheumatologist in the next few months. Let's hope for the better…

[beastpower615]

(0-peathagraph to loont so start new) could love each other so much i want to know het in the ways i swear isr one of the few times i am enamored with someone i want to just reach out because she did forts and i know what feels the same but i’m scared. what if i love her. what if i love her and i can’t stop smoking pile that be a bead throng why does it feel like it would. if eeel like i shouldn’t love her i shouldn’t even try but i was t to anyways maybe i should. who want to know her mind body and soul because right feel something there underneath what i do t like i don’t even wanna duck her that much she not my type i do t fine her super hot but somethibgsbout her compels me that’s how i know it’s real abd she asked me first but i thought it was a joke cause i don’t love myself i hate myself cause i was born wronging maybe. could love her it won’t change but o can ocahngr it maybe we can love weachother and italy all be worth it i hope of sits butcher forgot i have to o saccept what i am and take te the right form she bisexual she’s love me either way but she wouldn’t i can eeee mydaelf stelling her and and she doesn’t but she would and wouldn’t abd i wouldn’t abd i have to just accept other judi do t have to cause i could lover het and she could love are and that would be enough and if it wouldn’t be that doesn’t matter cause i have lived o arnouds d lives and i would live a thousand mor and then will love myself i. one of them. i hoopte my pizza’s is cold abd i hope 🤞 can clean my hand be okay hope i love tomorrow send o bhopal i sleep well tonight and a hope wel all love eachother and i hop my ass is clean and ready hope i dget t fall in the showe tand i hooke my sister is ok and i hope i love her more and i hope we start friend forever (-“”all of us)-!; i hope tomorrow is everything i dream but if it isn’t i hope i love it anyways and jesus ducking christ i hope that we all love vergt tmomengv vent the ones we do t because i love you all and o think things will get better oever if they don’t because i have hope and hope is more important than happiness glory to us all comrades glory to everything glory togo’s glory to the future and glory to the past o have one falls left, and leather to read and a pizza to eat and. a bed or sleep o. so that’s enough good luck to my sister-in-her last hour of work, she works too damn long and she deserves better but she’s happy and so will i. i can’t move my jaw and that’s okay i have a shift on mainstay abd that’s okay cause i have friends and weed abd everything i need. god bless you all and hod bless me i don’t feel real and i do t nee to be. stranger thermopylae te snsp. 4 is pretty good quandary i’ve watched it twice now. it’s bourgeois and i crccess o knowonbit i can’t stop likening it, spectacle violence bad story high budget and hot dilfs is all i need. stay cool stay fresh and above all stay seAwagger. peace and love, putter patter lates get at hero

tried to wipe my ass while drunk that and ducking ordeal and my PIZZA almost bruner into the iceman and i haven’t had shaded my handed yet cause i’m having trouble standing up just a days in the life by bye beetje just texted me and erge going to gandh pug tomorrow and it’s gonna be sos is so so so so s fun because we go to this delicious mexican registrant with true bmosy todelicipgs chimichanga in the whole town and we swim 🏊‍♂️ b the creek and we hit dat not boog and it’s so fun and i love her and we’ve been besties since like middle school and we’ve been drifters apart recently veur we can have fun together and i wanna get follower cause her friend has a cool and had free weed even though spider gets on me when we smoke and her friend is so so so speette and ashe smoking to colorado i. a year and a year seems long buts it’s o or do it ee. don’t hang inlogt it’ll be gated also she transgender (which is so cool but she saldo in the flowery and won’t come out just like me so we just understand each other and we have this distinct aura of melancholy about that s when we hit the vibe together and. i live hier ado much an we should hang out more and we will cause it’s summer i rembrntor in trench’s class she said i was het most af vorige friend and i said the same and in miss lobithajoe class we would talk about le mcr and le my chemical romance and le anime and other emo kid shit and even about divorced and cutting ourselves and we were so open that we got sent to the counselors but we just thought that was funny and she used to braid my hair and she excepted me for who i was not matter what but i didn’t lover her as much as i should have i didn’t love her as much as i should have i didn’t love her as much as you should have but now i will and i want to ask her if i can move ther too and get a set ways tat form her fireb and it would show my faith cause my faith is almost i have and she gets it she fucking gets it and respects and he should be a tarot deck because we have this deep deep bond the same shit the same problems i miss her so much and i should tell her because our would our bonde. she’s my best friend i have a best friend and it’s not him he thinks it is because he is not closed friend vuur he’s not because we can’t talk i love home so much too but it’s different it’s different and te different and i wish we talked more but we don’t cause he’s bad at talking not talking he’s a good concerstaiooidt but the important stuff kind adkins by him if you know what i mean he’s very empathetic so he relates but doesn’t list n super well and now that i think about him i love him too and i love all my other friends and i’m going to stalk about thane tomb because it feels the most fair and i love him becauseue we struggle in the same way and he doesn’t even know it and he loves himself so much it inspires me and makes me think he’s like a mirror that only shows the good and he’s so sweet and kind and understanding and he lives his life how he wants it and doesn’t take shit sometimes it’s embarrassing in public but i’d feather be embarrassed that’s not have him and i love him if of but i don’t think he know saint and i wish he he did and wish we were closer because he’s so special and i love another him because he’s like a child in his innocence and he’s ignorant sometimes but he soprinded and he always wants to talk and listen and that so special to gina he n a person and i misss him. aude he’s far from home but i’ll see buik son and learn more freon him and o swear to god i won’t take it for granted and god he’s just something else cause i hated home when we met and and sometimes i do butc o cantrealky aude he never means anything by his bad shit and it takes him to heart and he tries to schande no matter what i fucking love all my friend so much and the world should to and if spies i’ll fight forever to make it. i all want to love myself and one edah o awiillll: maybe she can do it i feel bad cause i want her but i don’t know if i do. she wants me but i’d dient realize it in time. we d b so dusfycintioonal but maybe we