#Give me someone with real lived experience who is trying over college aged assholes who have only read carrds

[rutadales]

I would rather spend time with any hick I grew up with who is genuinely accepting and understanding of queers but uses faggot bc he doesnt actually understand the weight behind slurs than a leftist who absolutely does but decides it's okay for people you don't like

[gashinabts]

hands-on learner| (m)

Word: 3.5k

Pairing: hentai voice actor!Seokjin x hentai voice actor!Reader

Genre: mature, smut, fluff

Summary: seokjin teaches you in unethical way on how to give your best hentai voice.

Warnings: hentai, public sex, DEGRADING, humiliation, dirty talk, rough sex, slut is used multiple times, fingering, overstimulation, choking, spitting, unprotected sex, ass & pussy slapping

a/n: just a quick one-shot for my babes. hope you enjoy this fic :) remember that your comments and support are what motivates me to write!

When you were little you always wanted to help people. The teacher would ask you what you want to be when you grow up, and you would reply to a doctor or a nurse somewhere in the lines of helping people. But when you came to the age of realizing that you live in a world where being the person you want to be came with a price such as starving yourself in order to pay for college classes you changed what you wanted to be. 

You are still helping people but not in a way that people would give a noble peace award for. As in right now you are reading a lewd script and fake orgasming. “ Y/N, reshoot. The words are off,” the director tells you. You look at the screen and watch as the hentai girl is getting pumped by an overload of semen, and you do a voiceover of a few high pitch moans and cries. “ Okay! Good,” the director gives you a thumbs up. 

You smile and gulp the water soothing your throat, you get out of the sound booth immediately bumping into Seokjin's chest. “ Watch and learn how a real pro does his work,” he tells you in a cocky tone. Seokjin is just wearing a hoodie and jeans yet he looks like a high class model, his light brown hair is pushed back and he looks hot but too bad he is an asshole.

Rolling your eyes you push his chest away, “ No thanks. All you have is a couple of weird cringey dialogue and a few grunts,” you hear him laugh as he enters the vocal booth. You sit down next to Yoongi who is part of the sound engineer making sure everything goes well. “ I hate him. He thinks he is all that, look at him,” you scoff.

“ Yeah, it also looks like you want to fuck him,” Yoongi lets out a chuckle. Okay, he is not wrong. You want to fuck Seokjin at least once to get all the sexual tension out of the way but somewhere in the back of the mind you think Seokjin likes to fuck in front of mirrors so he can watch himself the whole time. 

The director taps you on your shoulder and brings you outside in the hallway, “ The team and I were going through the comments from the previous work we have done…” Mr. Kim pulls out his ipad. Your eyes zoom in at some of the comments that make you see red.

@lolligirls- She sounds so fake

↳ @Y/N’sbitch- dumbass all of this is fake. no one is actually having sex in these hentai videos

@hentitties- Clearly this voice actor never had sex...lol

@hrny4animethighs- I couldn’t get past the five minutes, I had to go to a different video

@hentaiaddict- Seokjin is such a good voice actor, I nearly creamed my pants from him just saying hello

“ Thank you Y/N’sbitch, clearly this person knows how things work,” you roll your eyes. You give the ipad back not wanting to see it anymore, what do these people know about voice acting, you're the one getting paid and making them ejaculate in tissue in their gamer room. 

Mr. Kim clears his throat before speaking, “ There are more praises and positive comments for Seokjin’s voice so I asked him to give you some pointers. You guys will have to send me a voice memo of the script I’m going to send you tonight,” you make a sound a protest but he gives you a look, “ Or else you will just have a supporting role in the newest project.” He walks off to the other direction. The minute he’s out of earshot you kick the trash can which makes the trash fall out causing you to get more frustrated. You pick up the trash and toss it in the bin, muttering curse words to yourself. Now you have to see Seokjin’s cocky face all night giving you stupid tips that you don’t even need. 

You walk back inside the studio, Seokjin is out of the vocal booth and flirting with a woman, while Yoongi is going over the vocal track. “ I heard what happened, in all honesty you are my second favorite voice actor,” Yoongi tells you as you sit next to him.

You sigh, “ Who’s your first?” The chair makes a squeak as you adjust the seat height. Glancing over at Seokjin, he makes eye contact while giving you a smug smile then turning back to his conversation with the lady. Scoffing, you turn your attention to Yoongi as he fiddles with track volume.

Yoongi looks at you, his eyebags are dark “ Jimin,” he nonchalantly says. You aren’t even surprise, since they are fucking around. They are somewhere in the lines of friends to lovers but they are both too stubborn to admit they have deep feelings for eachother.

“ I would have never guessed...at least you are going to be here tonight,” you take a sip of the water down the ice coffee you bought earlier this morning. If Yoongi is here, you have nothing to worry about.

“ Actually it’s just going to be you and Seokjin. Told Mr. Kim I have an important date,” Yoongi’s ears turn red. At least someone is getting dick you think to yourself. “ Try not to kill each other,” he tells you. 

****

Everyone has left the studio and it’s just you and Seokjin. You are going through your lines, a corny script of a girl spending the night with her boyfriend’s best friend and they end up fucking, nothing out of the ordinary. “ Okay, I’m ready. I don’t want to be here all night,” you look at him casually scrolling on his phone. 

“ Aww, don’t be so mean. I know you are dying to be here with me,” Seokjin puts his phone away, coming closer to you after he presses the start button. He tosses his arm over your shoulder, “ Okay let’s get the show on the road princess,” Seokjin guides you to the vocal booth. Immediately you groan, pushing his arm away but your ears turn red at the pet name.

The script is placed right in front of you and you start to read it, going through the introduction of the characters. 

Seokjin looks at you more carefully when it gets to the saucy part, his finger on his chin as if he is really inspecting you. “ Mmm, it feels really good,” you whine at the end, making sure you sound as lewd as possible. 

Seokjin makes a sharp clap, making you halt from any other sound. “ It doesn’t sound like it feels good. You need to make it sound more real.” Seokjin shakes his head, there’s a small smirk. Your eye twitches wondering if he just wants to purposely get you irritated. “ Do it again, but this time make it sound like someone is actually fucking you,” he nods his head for you to continue. 

The last time you got fuck was a year ago, and it was a bad experience. You didn’t even orgasm and the guy came in less than five minutes. This time you repeat the line but with a whiny and sultry tone. Seokjin sighs, shaking his head in disappointment and you get frustrated. “ Well okay then teach me, because I think I sound fucking great,” you pull at the strand of your hair. 

“ No need to get mad, I can help you,” Seokjin laughs at your frustration. He comes closer to you and you can smell his faint masculine cologne, his body is close to you. “ I want you to imagine it as if I was fucking you,” he whispers darkly. 

You bite your cheek from cursing him off, but you should at least try it out. So you envision him fucking you from behind. The image of his manly hand wrapped around your head while the other is around your neck. He’s probably the type to fuck you like you don’t matter and you can’t help it that actually turns you on. “ Mmm, it feels really good,” you moan as if he is actually ramming his cock into you. You look at his approval and he nods, a small sense of victory comes over you. Until you feel his hand pushing your hair to the other side you leaving one side of your neck bare. He is closer to you, right behind you, his chest barely touching your body.

“ Is this okay?” He whispers into your ear. You whisper a yes and his plump lips kiss your neck leaving a trail of wet kisses that leaves your skin tingling. “ I’m barely touching you and you are so reactive,” he takes notice of your heavy breathing. He licks a small part of your neck, then blows on it watching you squirm at the sudden coldness. 

“ Someone can walk in,” you look at the door. You don’t remember locking it, and what if the janitor comes in. Maybe that makes it more tempting for you, being caught in Seokjin’s lust. “ Seokjin,” you whine as he bites on your earlobe. 

“ You would like that...to have someone see you getting fucked hard by me. Drooling because of my cock is hitting you in just the right spot,” his hand goes under your shirt just resting on bare waist. Then his fingers tracing up and down your stomach meeting the underside of your bra but then going back down. 

“ I-no,” you shake your head in defiance. He laughs and grabs your jaw forcing your neck to twist and look at him. His eyes are darker, and he gives you a pointed look making you change your answer. “ Yes, I’d like that,” you whimper, as his rough hand pats your cheek heavily as a reward.

“ See silly girl, lying won’t get you anywhere,” he taunts you. His body then pushes you forward so you now against the glass window, you place your hands on the cold glass. Seokjin takes his time taking off your clothes. You are the only one naked on the and the cold air from the ac makes your nipples hard and from the lustful stare Seokjin has. “ I should just leave you like this and call everyone here to look at you,” Seokjin has a sinister smile when you shake your head in fear. “ Why? You look like a perfect slut. I bet you are already wet from just me kissing your neck,” he pushes your chest so your back is now against the cold window. 

The degrading names are something new to you, and your thighs squeezed together try to relieve some pain. “ Then leave me here. I bet someone else can fuck me better than you,” you shrug your shoulders, hoping he’ll get mad. 

His jaw clenches, “ Spread your legs,” he forcefully helps you by slapping the inside of your thighs. “ Look at you so fucking wet,” he comments looking down at your drolling lips. His hand then comes to slap your cunt, you flinch but then feel the pain subside to pleasure. Your body coming forward falling into his chest but his hand pushes you back to the glass, “ Take it like a good slut,” he tsk at you shaking his head. The slaps come in intervals as he chuckles at your betweens of moaning and whimpering. A few slaps hitting your clit and you cry out his name to slap you more. By the time he is done your cunt feels numb and your legs shake, your hands fisting at his shirt. “ We just started and you are already giving up on me,” he massages your cunt soothingly, spreading your arousal and barely entering the tip of his finger in your entrance.

Shaking your head, you look up at him, “ Seokjin, please fuck me. I want to be your good slut,” you deliriously say in ecstasy. His lips lift up and his two fingers thrust quickly into you, with no warning. Your head falls forward onto his hard chest staring at his fingers thrusting deep and hard, the juices becoming more apparent on his hand. You have never been this wet in your whole life, is this what you have been missing? 

One of his hands pulls your hair back to you looking at him, “ Open wide,” you do as you are told and he spits in your mouth. The spit slides easy as you swallow it, opening your mouth for more as if it was fiji water. He spits again and purposely misses your mouth landing on your cheek, “ Oops,” he smirks then wiping his spit across your whole cheek. And you don’t care, just consumed in the pleasure of his fingers still fucking you open. Your eyes roll back when his fingers curl, your stomach feeling warm. “ Come on my fingers you dirty slut, make them smell like you,” he watches you unravel.

 One last thrust and you come all over his fingers, thighs shaking when he continues to thrust at fast pace not stopping when you try to pull away. He pushes you even more to the glass so you have no escape but to come again on his fingers, your body is confused to having back to back orgasms. Screaming his name in ecstasy, your cunt pulsates at the euphoric sensation. Body releasing everything you got, your chest is heavy and you finally feel him pull his fingers out, his fingers then shoving in your mouth. “ My fingers are dirty because of you,” he chastises you. Your eyes widen at the sudden intrusion of you tasting your own come for the first time, his intense gaze watches you suck the juices off his fingers. Moaning around his finger just like it was your favorite flavor lollipop. Sucking one last time, your lips smack as he pulls them out, “ Fuck me like you hate me,” your hand travel to his hard bulge lightly squeezing it. 

You close your eyes and pucker your lips when he leans down, only for him to whisper into your ear, “ I don’t wanna see your face if I fuck you,” he twist your body so your breast are flat against the window, side of your face pressed down on it too. You take a deep breath partially because you're nervous yet excited about what is about to come. The sound of his buckle is being undone and his pants, there’s no preparation as he thrust his cock into. Yelping at the sudden force, one of his hands holds against your throat and the other tight on your waist. His thrust are fast and rough, fucking you to his own pleasure and you don’t mind. “ I’m surprise you're tight,” he thrust harder and you cry out in pleasure, “you’re not fucking anyone, right?” Your mind is blank, only focusing on the thickness of his cock stretching you out painfully good. His hand occasionally squeezes your throat, letting your life be at his hands. He slaps your ass hard, you cry at the stinging sensation. “ Answer me slut,” he spanks your ass again harder.

Shaking your head the best you could you answer. “ No. There’s nobody,” your body jolts at his thrusts. You try your best staying still, your hands holding against the window, not providing much stability. “ Fuck Seokjin, it’s too much,” you whine. Not sure what is too much. The feeling is overwhelming, you think. Never had been fucked this good. 

His hand leaving your throat slides down to your clit, “ Shut up, you can handle it,” he chuckles, slapping your clit, shooting more sparking sensation in your core. “ I can’t stand your fucking mouth. Always talking shit about me, stupid slut. I can hear what you say about me to Yoongi. The voice booth is two way,” he pinches your clit.

Your eyes widen and you mentally want to slap yourself, but who cares the amazing sex is the consequent of your big mouth. Seokjin jackhammers into you, constantly hitting the spot that makes your eyes go cross eyed. The stars are evident when he rubs your clit hard, clawing at the window trying to grab onto anything you moan his name so lewdly as you orgasm harder than the previous two, it sounds like it came for a high-budget porno. 

Your thighs tremble at the aftermath of your orgasm yet you want him to use you more. “ Are you gonna take my come like a good slut?” Seokjin asks. His hand moving from your clit to the back of your hair pulling your head back. 

“ Mmm, yes I want you to fill me up,” you moan at the thought of his come covering your walls. Three more hard thrust he unravels, grunting your name and coming deep into you, holding your body tight to his. 

There’s the feeling of his shirt sticking to your sweaty back but you ignore the uncomfortable feeling. Your body falling limply into his arms as he carries your weight. Breathing is loud from both parties, he kisses your head and rubs your arms in a soothing manner. “ I’m going to get tissues real quick, okay?” You nod, your throat feeling sore from all the screaming. He presses a quick kiss to your cheek before running outside the vocal booth to get a tissue and water. You slide your body on the floor muscles strained from the rough sex, he comes back with a concerned look.

He sits down beside you, but then puts you on his lap laying the back of your head against his chest. He gently spreads your legs, and wets the tissue then uses it to clean the mess he made. Your eyes close, not used to feeling this kind of emotion, like you want to be comforted and swaddled. “ Open your mouth for me, baby,” Seokjin presses the water lightly on your lips. Parting your lips the nice cold liquid travels down your throat, relieving a small part of pain. “ Good girl,” he whispers, one hand caressing your cheek. “ My beautiful baby did a good job today,” he kisses the side of your forehead. You hum in delight at the compliment loving the feeling. He continues praising you, hands caressing every inch of skin and kissing your cheeks.

When you finally have the energy to get dressed, the room is silent because for once you guys aren’t bantering. You look at him and he is scrolling on his phone like he didn’t just fuck you to oblivion. And it kind of hurts that he’s not looking at you despite him giving all that aftercare. Maybe it’s your after sex hormones making you emotional. “ Imma just go,” your voice is hoarse. He looks up quickly showing you his sparkly eyes, “ I can’t really work like this,” you point to your throat, there’s a slight burn as you speak. 

“ Wait, I ordered us food,” Seokjin stands up showing you the receipt order of kimchi jjigae on his phone. “ But if you want to leave, that's fine,” he rubs his neck. “ Let me at least order you a taxi,” he goes on his phone.

“ No!” You embarrassingly say loudly. His eyes widened at the sudden outburst. You blush like an idiot, “ I mean, no I would like to stay and eat kimchi jjigae with you.” Seokjin smiles and you smile back.

You and Seokjin waste no time eating the food, taking less than fifteen minutes to finish the food. “ I’m too tired to do the voice memo. I’ll just take the supporting role,” you lay your head back in defeat. 

Seokjin is cleaning the mess and he shakes his head, “ I’ll tell him that you did a good job and that we forgot to record it,” he throws the food cartons in the trash can. 

“ Yeah but those stupid comments,” you groan loudly. “ What if I do suck?” You ask yourself, thinking about @hrny4animethighs’ comment. 

“ Impossible. You are a talented voice actress, those comments are just trolls.” Seokjin sits down next to you. 

You face him, smiling at his nice comment. “ Really?” You get fuck by Seokjin once and now your head over heels for him. 

“ Yes.” Seokjin cutely rubs your head. “ But if you need any help, just imagine me fucking you,” he laughs as you groan pushing his hand away. “ You want to know I’m so good at hentai voice acting?” You nod at his question. “ Because I imagine you,” he likes the way your cheeks flush. 

He stares at your lips, “ Are you finally going to kiss me?” He doesn’t answer but kissing you softly something that you didn’t expect after the filthy sex you guys had earlier. His lips feel like soft pillows and you could feel yourself getting lost, your hands finally get to feel what his hair feels like. Soft and silky.

“ Go out with me,” he pulls a centimeter away. His breath hitting your lips.

The Kim Seokjin wants to go out with you? “ It’s only fair because you gave me some pointers,” you shrug. Seokjin chuckles and attacks you with kisses, wondering how he is falling quickly for you.

-------------------------------------

Do not repost, translate, or alternate my work in any way, onto any platform. I do not take plagiarism lightly.

[1dsource]

This list consists almost entirely of recent fics, so please show them some extra love and leave a kudos, and even a comment if you have the time. It’s important we also give the newer, unknown authors a chance so they keep having motivation to write more amazing stories for us all to read <3

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Again, if you read, please remember to leave kudos and/or a comment so we keep motivating our lovely, talented writers and make them feel valued

[something-tofightfor]

People ask about pet peeves/characterization flaws a lot, but... for each character you’ve written for of Ben’s, what are some essential character traits you go for?

Oh, this is a good one Dani. Under a cut because they got very long. 

Logan: 

All of my Logans feature the essential characteristics that we see in the show - he loves decadence, doesn’t shy away from the fact that he has money, or that he’s in the public eye. To an extent, people play with his honesty - but I think that that’s actually something that a lot of writers ignore, so I definitely don’t. 

But three of the core Logan characteristics that have nothing to do with those things are: 

1. Logan’s never going to make someone feel like shit for being “beneath” him in status, because I truly don’t think that bothers him. There’s no way that all of the people he hooked up with were of the same social class or status as him, and I think it’s really demeaning when people make him out to be a super materialistic asshole. So he won’t shy away from bringing up the finances or living situations of other people, but he won’t ever demean them for it.

2. We see Logan as someone that’s always over the top, but all of my Logans are very reserved when they don’t have to be “on”. I don’t mean boring, but I mean that there’s a very different Logan present when he doesn’t have people’s eyes on him/have  to lead the way. 

3. As a part of his honesty, my Logans always admit their faults. It’s not easy for them to do so, but he knows that there’s only so much you can hide - and when he cares about someone (Reader, Juliet, Em, Mark) he doesn’t want to have to put on a show - so he doesn’t. He doesn’t offer this information freely in many cases, but if you ask, he’ll talk about it. 

 4. Bonus - I think that Logan is always going to find a way to keep himself entertained, and sometimes it has nothing to do with the physical presence of anyone else. I think that he’s very careful and purposeful with what he says - at all times, and will speak to people in certain ways to make every conversation worth his time, even if it’s a meaningless interaction.. 

 Ryan

People are quick to judge Ryan based on his appearance and his lifestyle, but when I write Ryan, I write him as going into every situation knowing that this is going to happen. He’s prepared for it, so it doesn’t shock him. What does shock him is when people don’t do this - like you, in Vegas. 

Ryan cares about authenticity in everything he does, but I think that comes down to the way he treats and asses people, too. He’ll fib and stretch the truth, but he’s not afraid to be honest with people, even when he knows it’s going to hurt them. 

 For me, Ryan’s not as cut and dry as he seems to be. I think people misjudge him a lot, and I try to write him with that duality just below the surface, because he’s so much more than people assume. 

 Benjamin

We see Benjamin’s anxiety, and we see it often, but for me, that anxiety was WORSENED by Julia - and so the more time he spends away from her, the better he’ll get and the less it will impact him. He knows how to control it - and would have HAD to in order to survive, so he just needs that confidence back to really be himself. 

 My Benjamin has a lot more confidence than he lets on - and when he decides something, he sticks to it (like the attraction he felt to Reader in TP wasn’t something he was going to ignore or deny after he realized it, but he was content to let it simmer, because he didn’t want to make waves). He trusts himself, especially now. Benjamin might be British, but he’s not a proper British snob by any means. He doesn’t mind being in situations where things are a little extravagant, but he prefers simple and laid back. He doesn’t speak formally, doesn’t dress formally, even though he’s a little more put together than a lot of other men his age. He’s smart, but he never tries to shove it in people’s faces purposely; it might come out in tiny little pieces - him talking a LOT about a topic he likes, having some obscure piece of knowledge - but he doesn’t do it on purpose.  

 Billy

For me, it really pains me when people say that Billy has no capacity for love - and doesn’t feel it. We see Billy’s emotions throughout, so when I write him, I angle it as for the majority of his life, there were times when he felt love and acceptance and all of those emotions - but didn’t know how to process them or adequately return them. He still isn’t the best at reciprocating emotion, but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t feel it - and understand the implications of it.

 Billy might not have had a formal education beyond high school, but that doesn’t make him an idiot. I think his real world experience was a lot more important to him than going to college would have been. He’s street smart and really perceptive, even if not academic. I think he was an overly bright student, and someone that really absorbed knowledge. I always write Billy as very perceptive. 

 I will NEVER write Billy as someone that’s going to go out of his way to spoil people that he barely knows, or even the ones he’s actually with. Yes, he’s got money and he’s going to flaunt it - but he didn’t earn it for other people, he earned it for himself. He’s not going to shy away from buying people presents, but it’s not going to be super expensive all the time - Billy sacrificed for that money, he’s not going to give it away. Anyone that’s WITH Billy that knows his history, too, would accept that. He’ll never skimp out on the things that are important to him (a place to live, bedding, his Rolls, etc) but I’m sorry, for me, Billy isn’t going to buy you a ton of expensive jewelry or flowers once a week or shower you with gifts. That’s fundamentally not who Billy russo is. 

 Caspian 

 Caspian wants to learn and experience things 24/7/365. He likes downtime because it gives him a chance to breathe, but he’s still learning and growing. Caspian learned firsthand how important it is to always be willing and open to suggestions and help and advice from others - and that hasn’t changed since he became King of Narnia. 

 Caspian is very trusting - almost to a fault. He still tries to see the good in people even after they don’t deserve it, but when it gets to the point where that trust is gone? You can’t earn it back. 

 Sam Adams

 Sam’s always going to be a little bit of a rebel with a wild streak in him. No amount of pressed clothes or fancy parties or responsibilities are going to dim that spirit. He’s fought through too much, lost too much, cared too much to turn his back completely on the personality and drive that allowed him to get to where he is. He understands responsibility and that he needs to set an example, but you’re only gonna (at most) get like 90% seriousness from him, and that’s on a good day. This goes with the other one, but Sam is insanely stubborn, and it’s one of his best qualities. He believes in what he does and says, and it takes a lot to get him to change his mind. In some cases, that’s a good thing, because it strengthens his resolve, but in other situations, it makes your life very difficult. 

 Sam has no problem lying and being sneaky to get what he wants  or needs - but he won’t ever outright lie to his wife about important things. Tricks, yes. Sneaky secrets and surprises, of course. But about important or dangerous things? Never.

[sealers100]

A (brief) review of every Donald Sutherland movie (so far)

I’m not coping well with quarantine at all and no one else seems to be either (which makes me feel a bit better) So what started out of boredom back over christmas break has turned into a quest to find and watch every Donald Sutherland movie ever. Probably not my best idea since a lot of them are very old and hard to find and would need to be bought online (which isn't an option right now.) Don’t ask me why, this kinda just happened and I’m not gonna fight it. So stick around for an unprofessional review of a very professional actor’s long film career. 

(if anyone has any suggestions or knows where to find more hmu) 

M*A*S*H*

Ah talk about a movie that didn’t age well (but neither did Holiday Inn and we still watch that) I’m not here to bash on it for being problematic because apart from the way they treated Houlihan, I genuinely loved this movie. It had be rolling the whole time just like the show and I still catch myself whistling like Hawkeye all the time. Probably still like the show better and Alan Alda’s Hawkeye (sorry Donald) but its definitely been a go to when I’m having a rough day.

Kelly’s Heroes

I think this was the first movie of his I ever saw as a little girl and I remember being very confused. (since it didn’t match my dad’s military stories at all) so this ended up being the first one I went out of my way to hunt down and watch and sorry to Clint Eastwood but Donald stole this movie from literally everyone. He’s hilarious, he’s sexy, he steals the show and it’s definitely one of his more underrated movies (the movie itself is a bit long) which is a damn shame since he (literally) died filming this one. (if you don’t know the story, look it up its wild)

Alex in Wonderland 

Wow, who knew he could be such a convincing asshole! At least he becomes aware of it by the end of the film but I just felt so lost by the end. Like ,what did I watch, what happens now? Not one of my favorites but definitely interesting and a sure product of the early 70s. Overall, he does have a lot of good scene (a scene with THE Federico Fellini) that are sometimes light-hearted, dumb, cute, irritating, and just...what? The relationship between him, his wife, and children is probably the only redeeming factor since its pretty accurate for how his actions strain his relationships. I am gonna be honest though, I only watched this one to see him as a long haired hippie 😂 (sorry). 

Klute

Leave it to Jane Fonda to remind me why I’m bisexual (I wish she wasn’t always a prostitute) Although there was a lot more of her and a lot less of him, even though he is John Klute. I am an absolute sucker for those old black and white noir movies and this is no different. It leaves some feelings to be desired at times (Donald apparently felt the same way) but you can really tell there’s a fascinating chemistry between him and Jane (because there actually was) Overall the story was entertaining but the character’s themselves seemed somewhat drab. I wish we got to know more about them and had more scenes with more emotion apart from just the sex and love scenes. Oh well, it was still a pretty damn good movie and I’d definitely watch it again if I got the chance.

Lady Ice

Basically Magnum before Magnum was even a thing. Now just because a movie is bad doesn’t mean it can’t be entertaining. I love the whole Miami Vice vibe I get from this and again, huge fan of private investigators, detectives and dirty schemes. His acting might not be exemplary but I don’t even care. The movie is fun and not every movie has to be deep and meaningful. Nothing wrong with just watching a movie for the hell of it. And that moustache, it’s my kryptonite. 😆

Don’t Look Now

If you haven’t seen this movie, stop reading my bs and go watch it right now. (its free on crackle) This is such a good movie I could make a whole post on it alone. Donald and Julie Christie (I’m still not over her either) put so much into every scene, giving us such a beautiful relationship that’s been fraught with tragedy. Every scene is beautiful and eerie and enchanting Iloveitsomuch!!! I don’t wanna spoil too much because the ending turns everything on its head. I’m not sure if this is meant to be a horror movie but it really walks that uncanny valley with the whole setting of Venice in it’s off season, the dark corridors, creepy premonitions. I will spoil this, I love how for once, the man is the psychic instead of the woman, which is a trope that waaaaaay over done. AND THE SCANDAL! Okay sex scenes in movie isn't exactly scandalous but this one was surprisingly realistic (no they didn’t actually have sex) so everyone in the 70s pitched a hissy fit over it and I can’t understand why. It’s by far the most realistic and beautiful sex scene I’ve ever watch, hats off to Donald and Julie. God Bless Nicholas Roeg for this masterpiece, aaaaahhh just go watch it its so good!

Fellini’s Casanova 

Alright but bear with me on this. I think I had a religious experience while watching this movie. I was overly exhausted and had my eye on it for a while said ‘fuck it let’s watch something weird.’ This what actually started by quarantine marathon (how appropriate) and I can safely say, I think this is the most beautiful, most grotesque, most enchantingly beautiful and yet dark and bizarre movies I’ve ever seen. Donald makes such a convincing 18t century venetian lover and they really went all out with his appearance, acting and the scenery of the whole movie. Everyone in the film seems to genuinely enjoyed everything they’re doing (which says a lot they do some crazy shit in this one) and the whole time, everything is erriley whimsical, almost like a fever dream (which is what this film might have been I dunno). And the fact it spans the entirety of Casanova’s life, from his highest point to his absolute lowest decent into squalor just proves that Fellini holds nothing back AT ALL. Again, no spoilers (I don’t really think I can spoil this film) but there’s just copious amounts of sex and its just plain strange but if you find it in your heart to give it a try, please do. If you’re not sure about it that’s fine definitely not for everyone. However I highly recommend Fellini’s other works. (go watch La Strada)  

Invasion of the Bodysnatchers 

Hahaha oh man I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen this movie. My friends and I in college had a horror movie night and this one seriously freaked out my roommate (i’m so sorry). I love me some sci-fi (I run a star trek blog) and this not only gave me lots of Donald but also Leonard Nimoy, (along with a very young Jeff Goldblum) so yes, this is now one of my favorite sci-fi movies (I did a film analysis on it too). I don’t recommend watching it in quarantine unless you’re into freaking yourself about a global pandemic. I will say, this movie is an anomaly  since I think it might be the only movie that is not only better than its remake, but also better than the book (which I also read) This one gives us Donald (and his moustache) playing of all things, a health inspector (I’m dying) whos put into some creepy scenarios of apocalyptic proportions. This is one of those horror movies that’s fun without being funny. It’s got plenty of drama and awkwardness between to characters while also reaching it’s cult classic status. All the actors in this film manage to give such a convincing performance that you can’t help but feel like you’re right there with the characters, which makes for a fun and terrifying ride. 10/10 would scare my roommate again.

The Great Train Robbery

Donald Sutherland AND Sean Connery? Sounds like a great pair right? Well they are, sort of. Okay this movie looks like a typical british drama, buuuuut I’m not so sure about this one. Donald is pretty great in this one and so is Sean, but I’m just very confused if it’s trying to be serious or funny? The plot itself makes sense and its pretty good but the execution is just...what? Oh well, Donald and Sean make an entertaining pair with their odd “train heist” I felt this movie would have done much better if it went for either one side or the other instead of jumping all over the place, and it played out much more like a soap opera. It’s not bad though but its not a favorite of mine. 

Bear Island

Okay I’ve been pretty nice so far, but this...the only real redeeming part of this movie is Donald and his beard. Which is such a shame because I feel like this could have been SUCH a good movie. The story itself is really good and enthralling but somebody somewhere dropped the ball. No, they didn’t drop it. They threw it off a cliff. Nothing about this movie makes sense, most everyone’s acting is subpar, and I don’t blame them because the script was probably the main offender of this film. Even Donald’s acting is uncharacteristically bad. I know shoot me, criticized his acting.  It’s just so strange to see what could have easily been a fantastic film. Someone send this to Philip Kaufman and ask for a remake because this one needs it. 

Ordinary People

Oh God, this movie. This movie means so much to me. Again, watched it with my roommate, we sobbed like children and its now a must see in our group. The fact that Donald wasn’t even nominated for an oscar for this film is a travesty. A story like this is something that in a way I’ve lived myself. Everyone’s acting in this film is superb and as someone who would know, yes, all of this is very really and very heart wrenching to watch. I don’t mean to get sappy or anything, but I have been Calvin Jarrett, I (and I’m sure others) have been that mediator who eventually is broken by the two fighting forces. Watching his eventual collapse is so surreal and wow this movie really broke me in some spots. Uhg god this movie, I wanna cry just thinking about it. I’d totally watch it but I’ll just spend the whole time wanting to hug him. 

Eye of the Needle 

If any of you know me personally, you’ll know I’m absolutely terrified of needles, so this might not have been the best movie for me to watch, but I had no idea what I was getting myself into. This whole movie is actually pretty fantastic. For once, Donald plays a bad guy, but you can almost root for him (if he wasn’t a nazi) I felt so conflicted because while yes I wanted him to take her away from her horrible husband, hes a damn dirty Nazi, and we don’t stan. Of course, Donald’s character is extremely charming but I’m left wondering if his character really did have feelings for Kate Nelligan. I have a feeling that I could really run with this story. This one is a thrilling story with a thick plot that tears its characters apart. I can’t help but love it.

Crackers

Fight me, I thought it was funny. Not really but this is one of those “entertaining but not really good” movies. Donald’s character is...well, he reminds me a lot of most of my exes. He’s just down on his luck, he’s not a bad guy. Yeah that sums up how I feel about his character. However, the movie overall is pretty damn funny. At least it knows it’s a comedy and it even has a sweet(ish) ending. I will say its not great, but there is a good scene with Donald falling flat on his ass which was so worth the whole rest of the movie. This one is still on my quarantine go to for when I just wanna forget about life for a while. 

Rosary Murders

So this little gem I kinda just watched on a whim thinking it would be some campy horror movie that was very pro-catholic and woooweee was I wrong. I loved this movie so much I ended up watching it twice, two nights in a row. It really was a thrilling movie with a plot thicker than pea soup, all while throwing some (slight) shade at the catholic church. This movie goes less for the horror side of things and more for the shock and drama and it does it well. Not to mention he makes one hell of a cute priest. I loved the hell out of this one and I’m glad i decided on this one the other night. I might even watch it again who knows. 

Pride and Prejudice

Everyone in this movie is neurotic as hell except for Donald Sutherland and Keira Knightly. Sorry I was never a huge Jane Austen fan but I admire her ability to write hell of a good slow burn and that exactly what this is. Hell most of you know what this movie is about so I’m not gonna talk about it too much. Its one of those movies everyone else seems to have seen and I haven’t so mom and I sat down and watched it together. She just laughed as I sat there yelling at the TV, waiting for an exasperated Donald to come on. His final scene though, so sweet. I did like how the movie showed a father daughter relationship that wasn’t toxic (not like the last one) but I was kinda over the whole song and dance after a while. I’m sure most people think its a really good movie but I just don’t get it. 

The Hunger Games (All of them) 

As I understand it, this movie actually means a lot to Donald, as it does to a lot of people, and that he really enjoyed working with Jennifer Lawrence, so that’s nice. Yes I’ve seen all three (four) movies, read all the books and I couldn’t think of anyone else to better play Katniss Everdeen’s antithesis than someone like Donald. I feel like this is one of those roles that was just made for him. He was such a scary and venomous villain that played so well off of the main protagonist. Uhg I really do love the Hunger Games Series, it was a huge part of my childhood, I just hate how the fans destroy people who love the main villain, like many fandoms do (looking at you star trek). I wish I could just enjoy these movies in peace without everyone being so polarized on them. 

Oh wow there’s definitely gonna be a part two but as of now, this is all I got. I’ve got a long way to go and (with the way things are looking here in the U.S.) I’ve got plenty of time to do so. I really do enjoy doing these kinds of things so if you want me to watch and ramble about any other movies (no, it doesn’t have to have Donald Sutherland) I’m gonna be in quarantine for a while, so let’s at least do something fun to pass the time. 😊

[jvlicns]

julian amante , twenty - three , cis male , THE TOWER .

amusing , candid , resourceful , petty , cataclysmic , arrogant.

first of all HELLO !! im z. 25 / she+her / pst. im thrilled to be here and honestly a little shocked ?? my app was a rushed MESS but im so happy the admins understood my nonsense !! 

this is going to be a lil long so pls bear w me. im going to break it down into sections and eventually make an entire bio , but this will do in the mean time !

connections are here , & my discord is zvvf#1885 ! 

* tw for mention of drugs & alcohol

. . .

TAROT ━

the tower represents chaos , destruction , & upheaval. this change is usually sudden & unexpected -- & not always good. the tower itself is a symbol of ambition , but in this card we see it built on faulty premises & false beliefs , all of which are no longer useful.

the ruin of the tower is inevitable -- necessary for growth & groundbreaking renewal. it’s time to break out of the old ways.

AESTHETICS ━

cracked asphalt , bloody knuckles , tangerine sunsets. the smell of freshly cut grass . still , slow mornings. a neat row of fire ants , climbing up your bedroom wall. broken stained glass , an overgrown field. tears of laughter , the only you’ll ever shed. 

money in a yellow envelope , guilt in your eyes , pressed flowers , a string quartet , corruption , loss of morals , student debt , a yellow light , darkness , hellfire.

THOUGHTS ━

" you’ve got your orders & that’s enough. you don’t know who’s telling you to throw your classmates off the scent , but you’re getting paid to do it. maybe your moral compass would stop you if you didn’t struggle so much in the financial department , but hey. you’re doing what you have to do to survive. if only you didn’t have to go against your better judgment for it. "

GENERAL ━

assigned to REYNOLDS house 

fourth year -- senior .

currently working at the corner store as a cashier .

scholarship student -- 2.3 average gpa .

athlete , st. cade’s lacrosse team .

BACKGROUND ━

grew up in a small town in arizona , in one of those unfinished suburbs that ran out of funding halfway through a government project to “ upgrade ” that was met with widespread disapproval. it’s all empty pools & dirt lawns , a patchwork neighborhood of old houses mixed in with the new. 

former golden boy who peaked in high school : star athlete , prom king , voted best smile. eternally toeing the line between CHAMPION  & DIRTBAG.

well - liked , but known for being something of a hell - raiser. out every night , hungover every morning. it was less obvious back then -- he could easily brush it off as simple youthful rebellion , rather than a real personality defect.

his first taste of alcohol was in seventh grade. a summer night , with the sun retiring for the day but leaving her kiss on the still - warm pavement. his world -- previously filled with sunday school , tense family dinners , & 24 hour marathons of professional passive aggression , was forever changed. finally , the boredom slipped away. & not just that ! this was actually FUN. 

but for someone with zero impulse control . . . a door opened , & he never managed to close it.

from a young age , his parents were always involved in the church. they attended every sunday , no excuses. 

this lapsed as the years passed & the amante family found it more & more unpleasant to be in the same room together , but his parent’s beliefs never wavered. religion was used as a weapon in their home -- to shame & guilt. they claimed love , preached tolerance. what they practiced , however , was the opposite. as he grew older , julian managed to weasel his way out of most of their theological outings. he gained some freedom , in addition to the ire of his family. their disappointment in him grew from a tiny acorn to a mighty oak.

his parents had their own issues , long before julian came along. a marriage between two irreconcilable people. the love they should have shared mutated into something twisted , something that they could give only to their son. it was enough for them to feed him , clothe him , & put a roof over his head. anything else was simply asking too much. 

despite coming from a low - income family , things have never been particularly DIFFICULT for him. sure , they struggled. he’s lost count of the times the power got shut off , or the water. but julian was the type of kid who could charm teachers into bumping his grade up to a 71% , despite the dozens of half - finished assignments & failed tests. he didn’t really have to try -- they just wanted to help him. ( pity , perhaps ? he turns a blind eye )

he coasted through school. one of those natural athletes that coaches & admin treat like celebrities , focusing all their attention on a teenager they have high hopes for. higher hopes than he had for himself , in fact. 

julian never had dreams , not a plan for his future. all that stubborn arrogance fooled them : he’s spent the better part of the past seven years stalling. cutting corners & taking shortcuts , desperately avoiding reality.

he never expected to even leave his hometown , let along attend a prestigious college on a full ride lacrosse scholarship. somehow , he played enough games & passed enough classes to qualify for an opportunity that would pluck him from his sad , tragic storyline & deposit him on a shiny path to success. a fresh start. 

he didn’t want to go. fought endlessly about it with his parents , his friends , himself. his place wasn’t at some hoity - toity school , surrounded by do - gooders & the conscientious. julian may have a knack for delusion , for spinning a story that suits him in whatever moment is passing. but he’s smart enough knows what his future holds : drinking himself to an early death in the very house he was born in. you can’t fight fate -- but you can surely postpone it.

in the end , it’s the boredom that convinces him. he’s said & done just about everything he can here , exhausted all the options he cares to consider. made plenty of enemies , as well as friends. built & burnt bridges. 

the expectation of his teachers , his parents , were choking him. it’s foolish to think that this might be the way out – he’ll never change. but why not have some fun , while he’s still here ?

st.cade’s was a treasure trove for julian , filled with endless opportunities to amuse himself. despite his placement in reynold’s house & the mandatory church shit ( a part of his scholarship’s stipulations ) , it hasn’t been bad. another social scene for him to invade , conquests to be had , fights to provoke. the first few years were amazing : an intoxicated blur of his own little slice of this world. 

he lives in the moment , greedily gathering every experience he can. nodding off in class , smoking behind the greenhouse , collecting all the free alcohol he manages to sniff out.

he’s learned this : a loud laugh & bravado can get you far. but now , his actions have finally caught up with him. the school is threatening to terminate his scholarship , to pack up his bags & send him on the first train home. & while he has no idea what to do , he knows he can’t go back. god , no. 

even without what’s keeping him – the enticing mystery of helena’s disappearance , his friends , his freedom. he just can’t stand to go in reverse ; it would mean facing the consequences of every mistake he’s ever made ( & there are quite a few ! ) 

he’s a shark – he has to keep moving. 

that first letter came soon after the school - wide assembly. small , neat type. direct. there was no mincing words , the sender made it perfectly clear : this is his only option. if he wants to maintain this lifestyle , this is the way. so he burns the letters , following their instructions. almost relieved to be given direction. it’s a respite in the current disarray – something he used to enjoy , but now just feels exhausting. he’s the band , humming away as the titanic sinks. not my business , he thinks. but he’ll drown all the same.

PERSONALITY ━

he’s an asshole but a F U N asshole -- that makes it palatable , right ?? 

not a dumbass , but the lack of impulse control + arrogance could have fooled me ! his intelligence is only hinted at , invisible unless you’re looking : reciting keats from memory , listing off all 79 of jupiter’s moons. remnants of past & fleeting obsessions.

 has to actively undermine his own common sense -- for the laughs , of course !

selfish ; his needs & wants come before anyone else’s. a childish habit , yes , but one he’s been unable to break. ( not that he’s tried )

vacillates between aloof & dramatic. you can count on him to stir some shit up -- he adores chaos & just can’t keep his mouth shut. petty , to a fault.

he’s hot - shit & he knows it ; well aware of his pretty face & statuesque build. julian’s never been afraid of using it to his advantage , or even just reminding anyone around him of just how cute he is. ( listen up 5′s , a 10 is speaking ! )

 has a strong aversion to authority. “ don’t tell me what to do ! ” . . . * quietly takes your advice when you’re not looking * . . .

the good parts of him are buried deep. his loyalty , his gentleness. a warm heart that can easily empathize , but chooses not to. julians pursuit of superficial gratification blinds him , warping his reflection like a funhouse mirror.

aggressive & unrelenting. this could be channeled into something of a work ethic , if he cared enough. instead , he uses it to get what he wants. whatever that might be.

curious as a cat with nine lives , he won’t hesitate to ask the question everyone’s thinking. that bluntness is almost appealing , as long as it’s not directed at you. this makes him somewhat of a good listener , even if he’s only paying attention to satisfy his own nosiness. 

he’ll literally fight for the ones he loves. there aren’t many of them , but the sentiment stands. years of sports have taught him the value of teamwork , & he has yet to shake it. once you endear yourself to him , there’s no going back.

despite everything , julian manages to be a charismatic little firebrand. he’ll guarantee a good time , he just won’t help clean up the mess.

FUN FACTS ━

can fit his entire fist in his mouth

has The Loudest Sneeze Of All Time

once bit into an apple n saw a WORM inside so now he hates apples w a passion

right handed , but taught himself to be ambidextrous during the summer between fifth & sixth grade

promptly forgot he was ambidextrous & never uses his left hand

has surprisingly neat handwriting

can fall asleep ANYWHERE

likes country music ( will never admit it , tho )

his mother used to read him poetry , so he’s lowkey Very Into It

can’t carry a tune for shit , & his impressions are a w f u l. his british accent is just a cheap dick van dyke imitation , & his australian accent is what the british one SHOULD be

[strawberryspeachy]

So when i watched death note in high school it made me curious about real japanese police work. I read about it alot and came to the conclusion that their justice system isnt too great.

Im currently upset that a coworker who i took as a friend - not only disliked me all along - but went as far as to lie about me to get me in trouble. That no one cared to hear my side. That i was fired on the spot. That people turned their back on me immediately. That no one cares.

Well. 17 year old me would have said. But of course. In Japan your guilty until proven innocent. That japanese put on a show but dont truely like most people. That they band together and will go out of their way to avoid any kind of conflict. That they care more about a pretty appearance than solving anything. 17 year old me that only heard and read about Japan knew these things. 17 year old me imagined this cool different country that works because theyre proud of this... performance way that they live. And i was amused by it. All i knew was america and european history. I was so hungry for something different. I was so interested in different people.

Then I went to Japan. I got here and it was too similar to manga. How silly, i thought, those a comics - i didnt actually expect the country to be like those comics. And ive never really been able to place what that made me feel but id grown past this bemusement of different “alien like” people. Theyre just people who live in another country i thought. I dont like america and our norms. I know nothing but america but i dont agree with any of our steriotypes. You cant describe me the way most would try to describe a typical american. So why would people from any other country be different. Im sure theres people like the sterotype - but certainly more not at all like that.

And i got here and i watched the smiles on service workers slowly fade when they thought no one was watching. I watched children put trash where it didnt belong thinking no one was watching. I was girls laugh loudly and run around and yell at their boyfriends. I watched drunk college kids hollar and reak havoc in the city. Not robot people, not obedient children, not, quiet and demure girls listening to the men, not studious students worried about their reputation. Just people. The same people i saw back home.

And so i thought. Its the same. Different history. Varrying values. Same old people - judgmental and watching everyone ready to scold them if they deem it necessary.

But that guilty until prooven innocent thing. The fact that the old way of caring about your reputation is still a solid work practice.

These things. Make me feel like... i guess.... to my dissapointment. Maybe america really is more free...

I dont want that to be true. The us is so full of itself. Just like healthcare. I want universal health care to be a good thing and at very least in japan its not really. Its better. Its more affordable. Maybe their problem is just how much they hate drugs and thats what stops real care.

But. Ive always been a cautious person - i just dont want to get in trouble. But ive never thought id be in a situation i couldnt talk my way out of - because i dont do anything super bad. Maybe sometimes ive pressed the limits - but never outside of... like i drank underage. I tried to get into bars i wasnt old enough for. Ive dodged paying for the train fare. Dumb things. Things that the worse that would happen is i gotta pay it somehow or id get scolded. Drinking under age is against us law but its almost never taken too seriously.

But its occurred to me. Yeah. In japan it is guilty until prooven innocent. I really could have gotten in legal trouble for baseless allegations.

And japan is as racist and people say. Theyre friendly and try to talk to you in english and say nice things. And it doesnt seem like racism to a person from the states. Out racist look at you with digust. They wont touch you. They wont talk to you. They dont want to know about you

But here... it takes the form of a racist parent who grew up in the 50s and knows that theyre not supposed to be racist but still is.

Theyre welcoming and friendly to your face but talk shit behind your back. They ask a bunch of questions like (in america “where are you really from”) they refuse to accept you might actually belong. They constantly want to assert how different you are so instesd of telling you that your different - they ask questions or explain what theyre doing. And if you say ‘yes we also do this’ they react with disbeleif - what? No! You couldnt possibly get this - this is our thing and you are not us! And they constantly ask if you miss your home. Assume that you’re uncomfortable because they are. Also also. Instred of not wanting to touch you here - theyre much more willing to push you out of the way

Theres many mixed race kids here now though. I assume theyll have to do the same thing that happened in America. I havent met any mixed race adults but ive met plenty of white dads.... all trying super hard to assimilate to the point that they walk around talking like robots. Swearing that everything japan is great and they dont miss their home cointries at all. Pretty similar to the immigrants of america from when my mom was a kid.

So i still think at least for japan. Theyre way more similar to the west than they think they are. But these restricting regulations that they live by... really does make the country seem not as free as id ignorantly beleived it was.

It surprised me because their rules are so much like the way my great grandmother talked about stuff. And while were supposed to care... we just dont in the states. Respect your employer? Sure we say we do to their face but talk shit with coworkers. Worry about your reputation? Eh think im a bitch i dont give a fuck whatcha gonna do about it? Nothing thats right. Dont like another person? No one cares. Like that person or dont - it doesnt change anyone elses relationship with them. Make a mistake? Well if your boss fires you - everyone already probably thinks their an asshole cause generally mistakes are just met with some form of dickwaving belittlement. Pretty sure most of us get mad everytime we hear a story about someone getting fired because they posted a picture of them in a bikiki or having fun - most of this generation agrees thats dumb and has to change.

I feel more like an american now than ever. Americans are reluctant to change im told. Yes. I suppose we are. We might not know the rest of the worlds history but we kinda know our own. And as much as ive alwags agreed with the sentiment that cultures are different and thats just the way they want to be.... we used to be these ways but decided it was restrictive and controlling and mentally abusive and fought it...

Ive been reading more about the work culture in japan to figure out how he fuck this went so wrong. Apparently when young japanese people enter the work force, they cant even have friends as distractions outside of work because their boss will move them away from home.

Ive already read that japanese think suffering is good and seniority and witness first hand their preoccupation of appearing busy over actually being productive. Its just this constant performance.

Perhaps i did stress him out to the point of physical pain. I remember having a massive meltdown where i shook and it felt like my brain was melting after i tried so hard to be a good nice person. I did whag people apparently like. I changed myself to just agree with people and be positive and assume the best in everyone. Then my “friend” told me that i was a bad friend because i asked them if they would people drive their friends home so i could to sleep at 4am. And the two things just didnt click. I didnt go to sleep that night. I sat at my desk shaking for the next 5 hours and having flashbacks.

Im talkative. I talk as much as i do here in real life. And i have alot of questions. I talked to him a lot. Made him look not busy. I know he liked talking to me. I know he did. Thats why i got confortable talking more. He was always surprised when i asked him questions about himself but once he started answering he kept talking. Yeah. Its nice to have someone ask you what your thoughts are on topics. What your experiences have been. Did you like those things or not. I know japan it a group think culture - i guess they get there by really draining out ANY idea of individualality. He told me hed never been asked what he likes about himself. In the us were asked that constantly from elementary school “what do you like about yourself. What do you like about your friend. What makes you different?”

It kinda baffles me... questions and thoughts like these are so common in anime.... and obviously anime is popular in japan. Obviously obviously. Im confused how theyre watching these programs often with such deep meanings.... and not taking anything away from them. In the states our tv programs are always being restricted and stuff because they might give us “bad ideas” but they aren’t restricted here and yet... it seems no one takes anything from them

When i visited japan in 2013 i saw a teenage girl in huge heels lose her balance and stomp on a middle aged womans foot. That woman had already been standing like her feet were in pain and she made a face of being in so much pain. The girl rudely didn’t apologize and the older woman said nothing. She smiled through her pain...

And i also complained to my coworker. Not full on complaining. The small ones you make at work when youre not sure of the extent you can go to. At first he held off like the other teachers. But. Then. He started complaining back. It got to me not needing to be the one say an annoyance first. Like i asked how his meeting was. Other people i worked with might leave it ah it was a bit slow but necessary. And he started that way. But instead he started responding to me a succession of statements the slowly crept more toward his real feelings. ‘It was good... we didnt do much... or anything, i just sat and listened and took notes. we dont learn anything, it takes up a lot of time but we have to go. I dont like those meetings. I dont know their pupose... but were told to go so we must’

Whatever. Im just gonna keep rambling and complaining about this cause it sucks and is awful. Contracted woth my company i wasnt allowed to publically critisize japan. I imagine thats why you dont often find many things on the internet complaining. You will literally be unemployable if your name is attached to critisisms of this country.

Where as everyone can come to the states and tell us to our faces how much we suck and how much cooler their countries are. And generally the younger general is just kinda like - ‘you right’ people write articles all the time shit talking the states and we just go ‘ya we deserve that’ we do. Im not saying dont do that... but like... maybe just maybe. Were doing the good thing where were like

Haha call us fat! We are fat. We love us some mcdonalds. Hm.... why though. Actually we need to fix that. Why are people eating so unhealthy? What is the underlying cause of this problem? Lets try to work on that - and then we fight amoungst ourselves.

I like that... i like thay thing we do

In the states you might not want to become a ‘whistleblower’ and in some industrys you might get black listed for something dumb. But at least we talk about it and agree its a problem. In japan no one wants to even admit they have problems.

Know what else i told him. I talked about how were overworked in the states. That our work culture has gotten too similar to japans and we hate it. No one working 80 hour weeks thinks that they should have to do that. Of course i didnt go about it that way. I told him that my friends back home work 80 hour weeks and its unhealthy. That i cant work that much and refuse to. He i imagine counted how many hours he works and laughed and i said - oh haha yea i guess you also work that much. And he looked so much like he wanted to cry about it in the same way my friends back home. But said its natural in japan and that hes gotten used to it. But he definitely didnt mean it as he said it. I told him my friends say that as well. That i think theyre workaholics and i personally cant do it. That when work calls them they always pick up the phone even when they dont want to. But i dont do that. When my job called me as a server id ignore it and call them back later when it was too late for me to be asked to come in and ask them what they wanted.

Maybe to him my stories felt like when i read about students in europe being allowed to not go to school without reprucussions. It made HAVING to go to school evem more annoying. Why cant we choose to take breaks? I heard that place doesnt have homework - meanwhile im given at least 6 hours work a night! Not everyone has to do this? Other places learn things for fun?? They dont have to keep up with standardized exams that dont account for different teachers and school districts?? A 50% in that country isnt a failing grade???

Those were already shitty things but to read about them not bein universal did make having to endure it more upsetting.

Doesnt change that im stoll upset with him for not saying anything to me. Doesnt change that im mad that he made stuff up.

Really me rambling on about this doesnt change my presepective on any of it. Im just bitching

[alittlewing]

Someone You Can Trust | Jason Todd x Reader

Summary: (Pre-death Jason) When you and Jason are paired up as lab partners, he notices bruises on your arms. You aren’t friends and you won’t let him do anything about your abusive foster father, but he is not the kind to do nothing when someone is in trouble. That night, Robin comes to help you.

Requested: Yes! By the lovely @jason-todd-rh

Word Count: 4211 words

Warnings: Domestic violence and swearing.

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It had been a bad morning. Your uniform blouse was stained and the washing machine wasn’t working, so you had to cover it with your school blazer on one of the warmest autumn days you could remember. Due to a self-inflicted hangover, your foster father, Doug, woke up in a bad mood, and you barely managed to make it out of the house on time for school after he decided to yell at you non-stop for fifteen minutes. On your way to school, a businessman crashed into you, your books landing on a puddle. And, since Doug’s friends had decided it would make for the perfect ashtray, you were going to have to explain to your History teacher why your paper had cigarette stains all over it. It really wasn’t your day.

As if all that hadn’t been enough, Gotham Academy students were being obnoxiously loud today. Some epic Batman vs. Riddler fight happened in the school’s backyard last night and now the entire football field was destroyed. The football boys were enraged and the rest were gushing about an epic battle you were certain none of them had actually witnessed.

By the time you make it to Chem, you have a headache and can’t wait for the day to end. You take your usual seat by the front of the class and get your books ready.

“No books today class,” Mrs. Henderson says. Everyone stops unpacking, and someone whoops, probably thinking the class will be canceled. “Today we'll start working on our first experiment of the year. Which means that whoever is sitting next to you right now is your lab partner for the rest of the year.”

You let out a sigh of relief. No one likes taking the front seats, which means you have been left on your own. You smile as you think about not having to deal with an annoying partner when a boy bursts into the class right before the last bell rings.

“Just in time Mr. Todd,” Mrs. Henderson says, eyebrows raised.

Jason Todd gives her his trademark bright, white-teethed smile, The one you’ve heard many girls swoon about. “Ain’t I just perfect.” He winks at her and you roll your eyes.

To her credit, Mrs. Henderson ignores the flirting and crosses her arms. “Take a seat, Mr. Todd.” He walks past your table, heading towards the back, but Mrs. Henderson stops him. “Up front, Mr. Todd. You might have the highest grades in every class, but considering mine is the only exception, I’ve decided to rectify the situation.”

You smirk. Mrs. Henderson was your favorite teacher because she was one of the few that didn’t let any of her students get away with absolutely anything, no matter whose rich children they were.

Your smile doesn’t last long, though, because Jason Todd takes a seat next to you. That’s when you remember the only other free seat at the front was, of course, on your table. Making Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne’s newest ward, your lab partner for the rest of the year.

You let out an annoyed grunt and Todd turns to look at you. “Most would be thrilled to be paired up with me,” he says, jokingly, not actually flirting but rather resigned. His eyes travel all over your face, not really checking you out, but rather inspecting you. They land on your wrist and stay there.

You look down to see that the sleeve of your blouse has gone up a bit, showing your wrist. You can see one of the many purple marks Doug’s hands left on your skin two nights ago. You quickly pull your sleeve down and avoid Todd's gaze. “I’m not like most people,” you say low enough for him to hear but to know that you don’t intend to converse further.

The class begins. You steal a glance Jason's way and you see a soft frown on his face. You are not sure if it's there because he really is baffled by what Mrs. Henderson is saying or if there's another reason for his frustration.

Your hands touch a few times as you work on the experiment together. You flinch away every time. You can’t help it. Involuntary reaction after years of beatings.

He doesn’t talk much, just does what you tell him to do. But, sometimes, when he thinks you aren't looking, you catch him sneaking glances your way.

When class finishes, you head to your locker. You start placing your books inside when you notice someone standing beside you. It’s Todd. He’s fidgeting awkwardly with the end of his tie.

“You know,” you say, taking out the books for your next class. “In some countries, this would be considered stalking.”

“Lucky for me we live in Gotham,” he replies, suave charming Jason back again. “With serial killers and madmen on the loose, I’m just considered a friendly guy.”

“Well, I have no use for friends.” You close your locker and begin to walk away. You know he doesn’t deserve you snapping at him. Maybe he really is just trying to be nice. But he knows too much. And he is one of them, another of the Gotham rich kids. He wouldn’t understand.

“You should tell someone.”

You stop. The hallway is nearly empty now, most people already in the cafeteria for lunch break. The people closest to the two of you are too far to hear anything you say. And you don’t need to ask Todd what he is talking about to know exactly what he means.

“No.”

“Then I will.” Playful Jason is gone. In his place stands a boy you’ve never seen before. He’s not playing the bad boy or the charming prince roles anymore. There’s a seriousness in his face that you’ve never seen on anyone your age before.

He stands perfectly still, like a cheetah waiting for the right moment to jump.

“It’s not what you think.”

“Trust me," he says, "I know bruises from a beating when I see them.”

You want to ask him how would he, living in a mansion and eating expensive food and probably getting everything he wants, but you know better. You don’t know his story, but you know he was an orphan. A Gotham orphan. You didn’t want to believe he could be like you, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t been once.

You walk closer to him. Close enough so that no one showing up suddenly from around a corner could hear. Close enough so he understands you are serious. “Don’t you think I’ve considered it? Telling someone? This is Gotham, Todd. Not even the real baddies stay behind bars for long. And there are hundreds of other men like Doug who’d rather get paid for homing an annoying kid than getting an actual job. Chances are, whoever follows him will be just as bad as he is. Or worse.”

His eyes go down to the edge of your blouse sleeve. He crosses his arms, raises his eyebrows. You know what he is thinking, but he doesn’t know how much worse it used to be. How bruises are nothing compared to cuts and concussions. How you've learned to avoid Doug. Most of the time.

“We don’t all get a happy ending,” you say. You try to sound strong, but the desperation you feel leaks into your voice. “It is this either this or someone worse. Or worse even, an orphanage. The streets. I’ll lose my scholarship here. Doug may be an asshole but I’ve roped him into buying me books and old uniforms. Without him, it’s very likely that my one chance at making something of myself, at a college scholarship, is gone. And if you tell someone, that’s exactly what’s going to happen.”

The rigid stance of a man ready to fight was gone. For the first time since you’d first seen him walking down school hallways, you saw him for what he really was. A boy with a broken past trying to make the most of the chance he’d gotten. A street kid who’d gotten lucky. A kid just like you.

“I’m not going to change your mind, am I?” The frown he was wearing earlier is back and you realize exactly what it means. Impotence. The horrible feeling that comes with knowing that something is wrong and you can’t do anything to change it. You’ve felt it many times before, when you’ve seen other street kids. Kids you couldn’t help if you didn’t help yourself first.

“I think you know the answer to that.”

He nods. “Fine. For now.” He’s already turning to walk away, but before he can, your hand grabs his forearm. You immediately get the sickening feeling in your stomach, the need to recoil from contact. But you tell yourself he’s not a man looking to hurt you. He’s just a boy. One who maybe even wishes he could help you.

“What does that mean.”

He sighs, frustrated. “I don’t know.” He meets your eyes and the blue in them is so electric, you feel like your hand has been magnetized onto his arm. “But I won’t tell anyone. I promise.”

***

Your head crashed against the edge of the sofa and the crushing, sudden pain made you lose focus momentarily. When you open your eyes, you notice just how close you were from hitting the pointy edge of the center table and, despite the circumstances, you feel grateful.

“Stupid brat,” Doug mumbles incoherently under his breath as he picks up the broken pieces of the plate you accidentally dropped after he threw an empty beer can too close to your face.

It takes everything in you to hold back your tongue from replying. After years of practice, you know that is the best way to come out from this without needing stitches.

He takes the last broken piece but grabs it wrong. He curses and lets it drop. You can see a deep gash on his left palm. When he sees it, he drops the rest of the pieces and lunges towards you.

“You stupid bitch,” he yells, grabbing your arm and driving you to crash against the wall. “See what you’ve done?” He’s taller. Stronger. Even with the beer belly and slowed down senses from too much alcohol, he is still too much to take on your own. He puts his hand right in front of your face, almost touching it. You can smell his blood. “This is your fault. Your fault. You fucking bitch.” You hear the awful sound his throat makes every time he gets ready to spit at you and you close your eyes and shut your mouth, hoping his aim is off. But the sickening warm feeling of his saliva on your face doesn’t come. Instead, his hand lets go of your arm as a gush of wind signals that he’s not in front of you anymore. You can barely see what is happening in the dimly lit room, but there’s no mistaking the fact that there’s a third person now, holding Doug down against the floor.

“Listen to me, you piece of shit,” the third person says. You see his shoulders and back are covered with a yellow piece of fabric. It takes your tired brain a few seconds to realize it’s a cape. “If you ever, and I mean ever, touch her again, I will come back here and gut you.”

You want to laugh. You’d know Robin anywhere since his pictures are always all over the news. But you’d never seen a superhero up close before. People like you weren’t usually lucky enough for that.

“Get off me, you pest.” Doug is trying to fight him, but while you were too weak to break from his grasp, Doug is too weak to escape Robin’s.

“You’ve been warned, you piece of shit,” Robin says and then punches Doug straight in the face. Hard. You can see the second his head hits the floor how his whole body goes limp, passed out.

“Are you okay?”

You look up to see that Robin is no longer leaning over Doug but crutching right beside you, offering you his hand.

Your head is still spinning from the hit you took, but the second your hand touches Robin’s glove you know this is not a dream. A hero has come to help you. You. Of all the people who needed help in Gotham tonight, Robin had come to help you.

“Thank you,” you say, because, really, what else is there to say.

Robin puts both of his hands on your shoulders and the touch comforts you. That's when you notice you had been shaking. Somehow, his touch doesn't make you want to push him away. Instead, it makes you feel safe. Your thoughts quickly travel to Jason. Earlier that day you'd grabbed his arm to stop him and hadn't let go for a while. Maybe today was a day for little steps forward.

Doug grunts behind you and you flinch involuntarily. Maybe not so much then.

"Come on," he says, and for the first time, you notice his voice. It is clear to you that he is faking it. It sounds too unnatural, like he is trying hard to sound older than he really is. "Let's take you up for some air and to check that head of yours."

His hand is still around yours as you leave the apartment through the living room window and climb up the fire escape stairs up to the roof. Robin keeps walking until you reach the very edge of the roof. You fear he is about to jump, but instead he lets go of your hand and takes a seat with his legs dangling off the building.

"Come on," he says, gesturing to the space beside him. "I can't check your head if you stay there."

You still hesitate. You can hear cars speeding by below and even being this close to the edge makes you a bit nauseous. "You know, if you wanted to kill me you could have just not stopped Doug."

Robin goes rigid. Though you can't see it clearly, you can guess the dark expression his eyes wear behind the mask.

"Sorry, not funny. Still. This looks dangerous," you say, but you lean in a bit closer. You crouch so you can move to the edge while still holding to the ground with your hands.

When you finally make it and your legs are hanging down next to his, you can see your hands are shaking again. He takes one of them in his and forces your eyes to meet his mask. “What’s life without a little danger?” he says, smiling.

You laugh. You don't even know why. The whole thing is just too surreal, too much like a dream not to enjoy at least a bit of it.

His hand leaves yours and both of them travel to your head instead. "Is it worth it? Staying here with him?"

You've thought about it enough to know the answer. There were just too many alternatives to what could happen if you told on Doug, and you'd have no control over any of them. "It's not too bad. I get to go to a good school and I have a job."

"A job?" His hand touches the spot where your head hit the sofa and you flinch. "Sorry." He adjusts his hands again, carefully moving your hair out of the way so he can have a better look. "Are you even sixteen yet?"

"No." You shrug. "But I know more about car engines and motorcycle gears than most grown mechanics."

He chuckles. You can feel his breath on your neck as he leans back to inspect the other side of your head. Its warm against the cool night air and you wish you'd taken a coat with you. "So you are a car girl?"

"Not really. I'm actually more of a scien-"

"Science person."

"Yeah." You frown. "How do you know that?"

Robin freezes for a second, so fast that you almost think you imagined it. “Lucky guess.” Before you can say that it hadn’t sounded like that, he adds, “What do you want to do, then? Once you are done with school and get a job you actually like?”

You shift uncomfortably. You’ve never told anyone before. But his hands are still in your hair, and Doug is unconscious (and probably has a broken nose), and it feels like anything can happen, so why not stretch your luck a bit further and be brave for a change. “I want to have a lab of my own. Build things that help people.” You hesitate on whether to tell him the second part of your dream. You can tell he is almost done with his inspection. You know that if your eyes meet his mask, you won’t be able to tell him, so you take a deep breath and keep going. “And I want to one day run a proper orphanage.”

He stops and lets his hands fall.

You don’t know if it’s the thumping pain in your head or the gratitude you feel towards the boy that came to your rescue, but something makes you keep going. “I don’t want other Gotham kids to grow up like I did. I got lucky-”

Robin scoffs. You can imagine his eyes are rolling behind his mask.

“Fine. Luckier. I may live with an asshole but I have a chance that other kids would kill for. So I want to give them that same chance one day if I can.”

Robin says nothing. You can tell he is inspecting you. It reminds you of Jason earlier that day, the way he’d looked at you, as if trying to figure you out.

And then he stands. “You’ll be fine. You don’t have a concussion so there’s nothing to worry about.” He reaches down to his belt and takes a weird looking gun out. “Listen, if he ever hurts you again…”

“What,” you say, beginning to feel like yourself again now that you know he is about to leave. “Should I give you a call?”

He laughs. You have a feeling that you’ve heard that same laugh before, but you know you must be imagining things. He shoots the gun into the air and a long black cable unfurls from it towards the building across the street. “If he does, then talk to someone about it. Someone you can trust. There has to be someone who knows what’s going on here. Maybe a friend? At school?”

You shake your head. “I don’t have any of those.”

“There's nothing wrong with having friends. Don’t tell Batman, because I’ll never admit to this, but sometimes having someone at your side can make you stronger. There must be someone at school you can trust with this.”

You immediately think of Jason. You are not sure you can trust him, but he is the only other person who knows about it. “Maybe,” you say, but you know that you won’t actually do anything about it. After so long on your own, it was hard letting others in. That was probably why it seemed easier to talk to Robin. Because chances were you’d never see him again.

Robin shrugs. “Think about it,” he says in his strange, faked voice, and then jumps off your building and onto the next.

***

You always sit under the same tree during lunch break. It’s far enough from the outdoor tables so that conversations are not distracting, but not too far that teachers could chastise you for being antisocial. Usually, it’s just you, the scraps you managed to sneak out from Doug’s unfinished takeaway, and a book. But for the last four days, there’s been a new addition to your routine.

To his credit, Jason Todd doesn’t sit right next to you, but far enough against the tree that you can only see his legs from where you sit, the tree trunk covering the rest if him. You know he’s reading too. You'd checked the first time. And the second.

Maybe it’s the lack of pain from bruises as you move, or maybe it’s the fact that for the first time he’s made it to the tree before you, but before you can think better of it, you take a sit right next to Jason.

He doesn’t look up from his book. A play, you notice. Old English. You wait to see if he will say anything, do anything, but he doesn’t give any indication that he’s noticed you are there at all. He moves, but it’s just to absentmindedly pick up a sushi roll from his lunch box and pop it in his mouth.

You smile. You have no idea why, but you do. For all you know, he’s ignoring you. But if he was, why sit right next to you every day for the past week when there were plenty other trees to choose from? You pick up your own book on neuroscience and start reading.

You both stay like that for a while, reading in silence next to each other. And then your stomach growls. You didn’t get a chance to look for food scraps that morning and, as always, any spare change at home had gone towards liquor over food. The sound your stomach makes is low and gentle. You are relieved, thinking Jason didn’t hear it. But then he gently, without looking up, pushes his lunchbox towards you.

“They are good,” he says, his eyes still on his book.

You blush. “I don’t-“

“Just take them. I’m not a fan of fish anyways.”

He’s still not looking at you and you noticed he hadn't touched the four remaining rolls in a long while. You consider leaving, but your stomach grumbles again as you eye the food. You’ve never had sushi before, and you don’t like fish either, but you haven’t eaten in a whole day and are too hungry to pass the chance.

The second the food touches your tongue you close your eyes. An explosion of flavor fills your mouth and the taste of food after so long makes you moan without thinking. It's a strong flavor you've never tasted before and the texture feels strange on your tongue, but whatever that roll had in it tastes divine. Healthier than anything you’ve ever had, for sure. Expensive. Unique.

Once the roll is gone, you open your eyes to get another one and notice Jason has stopped paying attention to his book and is staring at you.

He clears his throat when your eyes meet and quickly glances back at the letters between his hands. “Good, huh?” he mumbles.

You want to tell him that he can stop pretending he didn’t want to eat all of the rolls for your sake. Instead, you laugh. “That’s an understatement.”

“Alfred’s a good cook,” he says.

You take another roll and close your eyes again. The experience is not as powerful anymore, but it’s still the best thing you’ve ever eaten.

“Your butler, right?” you ask. You are sure you’ve read an article or two about him before.

Jason beams. “Yeah. He’s the best.” His eyes lit up as he tells you a funny story about his idiot older brother and Alfred fighting over a giant dinosaur that Bruce keeps at the mansion. Half of it sounds made up and he constantly stops himself to rephrase things, but he is so excited as he tells it that you don’t have the heart to ask him to slow down or explain things that don't make any sense.

“Well,” you say when he’s done. “Thank Alfred for an amazing lunch.”

He smiles and an uncomfortable silence settles between you, the line between strangers and friends still hanging around you. You feel a strange need to make conversation that you’ve never felt before with anyone else. You want to hear him talk. You want him to tell you stories and catch your eye every now and again. You want him to make you feel like a normal girl talking to a normal boy.

So, before he can get back to being engrossed by his book, you say, “What are you reading?”

His excitement reaches his eyes as he looks back up at you to answer, ready to summarise the whole plot for you.

[francesderwent]

“In Need of a Generic Father Figure” A Veronica Mars Everybody Lives/Nobody Dies Meet-Cute LV AU Week Day 7 Canon-typical language, but otherwise general audiences On AO3 Inspired by this post and that one scene in Charlie Don’t Surf.

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It was supposed to be a kind of housewarming-slash-homecoming party, the kind of event that was totally low key in its formulation and planning stage but got completely out of hand once things got rolling.  All their friends from the old neighborhood were coming over, and it was supposed to be all nostalgic idiocy born from the eternal familiarity of each having been present for one another’s particular flavor of shitty childhood.  There were no delusions about the depth of this bond, and so they weren’t expecting it to be a great party, not the best night of anyone’s life by any means, but it was the sort of gathering you could predict, could depend on.  Low-pressure, low stakes, low key.

So, precisely the kind of event which would have a giant wrench thrown into it if you were to add in an unknown factor, say, a perfect stranger to man the grill.

“But he wouldn’t be a stranger,” Dick is insisting.  “He’d be a dad.”

Logan gapes at him.  “Whose dad?”

Dick shrugs, ineloquently.

“So by dad, you just mean some unknown-as-yet male person who has at one point fathered a child?”

“Sure.”

“So, some unknown person’s father, standing on the corner of our property, making hamburgers.”

“Grilling hamburgers, that’s essential.”  Dick looks up from his computer and gives Logan a look like he’s disappointed in him for missing an obvious point.  “And it’s not just some random sperm donor, dude, he has to be fatherly and shit.  I put it in the ad.”  

“Ah yes, the ad,” Logan says.  “The Craigslist ad, which you put up online without consulting or telling me.  I read the ad.  And yet here I stand, questioning the entire premise behind it.”  But Dick has returned to his computer, presumably to scroll through his emailed responses.  Logan pinches the bridge of his nose.  “Alright, the court recognizes that grilled hamburgers are better than any alternative. But why do we need someone else to come grill?  You and I are fair-to-average at setting things on fire already.”

“We don’t have a grill.”

“No, but we both have trust funds that kicked in some time ago.  You may remember them.  They’re how we afforded the house…”

Dick huffs.  “So we just buy a grill?”  Logan gives him the raised eyebrows and jazz hands: duh.  Dick bangs on the space bar.  “Just buy one, from the depths of our rich boy pockets, without working for it or anything.”

Logan stares.  “Are you having some kind of break?”

“It’s stupid to spend money if we could just borrow one.”

“Okaaaay,” Logan says.  “So why aren’t you advertising for a grill we can borrow?”

“Because!”

“Because what, Dick?”

“Your dad is supposed to teach you how to grill!” Dick bites out.

They stare at each other for a long beat, then Dick tears his eyes away and starts clattering angrily on his keyboard. Logan sighs, then gingerly sits next to him on the sofa.

“You know,” he says, careful to keep his tone conversational, “if you wanted to sign up for one of those programs for kids with deadbeat dads where they hang out with well-adjusted adult men and learn life skills, I would have happily signed up with you, but we really should have done that when we were younger.”

Dick throws an elbow into his ribs half-heartedly. “Shut up.”

“I’m not saying, like, when we were twelve,” Logan goes on, warming to the topic, “because we mostly hadn’t figured out our dads were deadbeat by then.  But definitely before we finished college and joined the workforce.  I’m thinking like nineteen or twenty would have been the ideal age.  Our father figures could have taught us to consume alcohol, in addition to teaching us to grill.”

“We were already pretty good at drinking alcohol by then,” Dick reminds him.

“Then they could have given us a strict talking-to about underage drinking,” Logan says.  “It’s far too late for that now, and we’ve missed our chance.”

“Missed our chance…” Dick echoes.

Logan looks at him sideways.

Dick catches his eye and actually sniffs a little. “I know it’s stupid.  You don’t have to tell me it’s stupid.”

Logan shifts uncomfortably.  “It’s not stupid, man.  I just wish we knew of some actual father figure we could get to sub in for you, rather than resorting to Craigslist dads.”

“It’s not just for me, dude,” Dick insists.  “I know you care about this shit, too.”

Logan cracks a smile despite himself.  “If some guy with a beer gut shows up and grills me a hamburger and calls me ‘sport’, that’s not going to make the old man any less of an abusive asshole.”

“I know, but we can make some nicer memories can’t we?  Some nice dad-memories?”

For a second, Logan allows himself to enter into the delusion, but almost immediately becomes sidetracked on the mental image of Gregory Peck from To Kill a Mockingbird standing in their backyard, holding a light beer and grinning affably.  That would be one thing – but he can’t imagine that any fathers like that actually exist in the world.  No, this dad was probably going to be more or less a deadbeat himself, or else how would he have time to babysit a bunch of profligate twenty-somethings?  At best, it would be some old guy whose kids were too grown-up and busy to talk to him anymore, a dad whose desperate neediness for attention and affirmation matches Dick’s.  But then again, Dick will inevitably be drunk for the entire party – he wouldn’t notice if the dad was an escaped convict in black and white stripes with a literal ball and chain on his ankle.  What harm could it do?  He sighs, asks in a wry tone, “Are you going to ask for proof of paternity, or is this person going to be a fake dad on top of being random?”

Dick lights up.  “That’s a great idea, I’ll edit that in!”  He resumes typing at a frenzied pace; Logan watches bemusedly.  

Still.  It’s one weird thing on one day.  It won’t make any difference one way or another, in the long run.

Nobody’s life was ever changed because a stranger made them a hamburger.

                                                -~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

After that, Logan tries to extricate himself from the whole dad-audition process, but Dick is, as usual, both oblivious and incorrigible.  Logan very quickly comes to dread the phrases “hey, listen to this” and “what about this”, since both are sure signs that he’s about to be read a joke resumé with phrases like “excels at offering positive reinforcement”, or shown a headshot of a guy in a sweater vest.  So when he gets home from work and the first thing he hears is “Logan, dude, this is the one”, his first response is to groan and flop face first onto the sofa. They found the sofa at the side of the road the second week in the house and it is therefore a little worn out, so the decision to be dramatic hurts.

“Asshole,” Dick tells him absently, wandering in from the next room holding his laptop.  “Listen: father for twenty-plus years, expert level jokes and manly affection, bonus secret-family-recipe hot sauce.”

“The hot sauce is a nice touch,” Logan admits, rolling over onto his back and kicking his feet up onto the sofa arm. “All of the other applicants have really fixated on the ‘dad’ part of ‘grill dad’.”

Dick nods so enthusedly it looks painful.  “I know, right? And get this, there’s an attached letter from his kid,” he says.  “Dear advertiser, I can confirm that the applicant has been my father for my entire life, and I can honestly say that he has excelled at the position.  You would be lucky to have him at your party, where he would strike just the right balance between embarrassing and fun, call all of you by the wrong names and then substitute “son” or “honey”, and repeatedly tell you he’s proud of you.  His hamburgers are to die for, and he brings his own fire extinguisher in case anything should go wrong.  He has my unreserved recommendation.  Also, if this is some kind of dad kidnapping scheme, I will hunt you down and kill you.  Cordially, V. Mars.”  Dick looks up expectantly; Logan fights a smile.  

“They wrote a letter of recommendation for their dad?”          

“Uh huh.”

“Hmm,” Logan says neutrally, then says, “Mr. Mars,” trying it out, hitting the ‘r’s and dragging out the ‘s’.

“Keith Mars,” Dick adds helpfully, and turns the computer so Logan can see the attached photo.  Keith Mars is bald, just slightly on the portly side, staring adoringly down at the tiny pigtailed child with whom he is dancing, her feet on his – V. Mars is a girl, apparently.  Dick tabs to the next picture: Keith Mars standing next to a grill holding a hot dog over the head of a plaintive-looking pitbull while a gap-toothed, elementary-school-aged V. Mars laughs in the background with a blue-haired friend.  In the third picture Keith is older, wearing a suit and grinning widely, hugging someone in graduation regalia, her face obscured by her cap.  “He looks cool, right?” Dick prompts eagerly.

“Yeah,” Logan says, tearing his eyes away from the graduation photo.  Neither he nor Dick had had any relatives attend their college graduation, and he’d seen plenty of family reunions at the baccalaureate celebration that seemed more stiff and awkward than anything else, but Keith looks like he just might burst with pride.  “Yeah, he seems nice.”

“Like a real dad, right?” Dick persists.

Logan snorts.  “As if I have any experience with which to judge that quality.”

Dick offers a fist bump and Logan complies. “Trauma twins!” Dick says, sing-song. Logan rolls his eyes.  “But he seems legit?” Dick says, returning to the salient point.  “This is okay?”

Logan stands and claps his roommate on the shoulder. “Sure, man.  If you say this is the one, I think you’re probably right.”

Dick beams at him.  “I’ll tell him he got the gig!”

“Cool,” Logan says drily.  “I can’t wait to meet him.”

                                            -~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Since Dick thinks it would be acceptable to simply explain the dad-for-hire situation when their guests show up, Logan finds himself calling each invitee one by one the day before the party and beginning with the statement, “So you know how Dick has a tenuous relationship with reality?” Lilly laughs for a full minute and a half, and Duncan, no matter how many times Logan runs through the concept, just doesn’t seem to get it, but everyone else just thinks it’s sad.  

“Oh my god, our lives suck,” Gia says, sounding as if she just realized it.  “Does no one in our group have a functioning father figure?”

“Carrie’s dad was okay,” Logan offers.  “But he moved out of state a few years back.”

“And he never knew how to grill!” Dick yells through his bedroom door.

“And he never knew how to grill,” Logan repeats.

“Yeah, well,” Gia says skeptically, “I’m bringing extra booze for when this weird-ass idea causes someone to have an emotional breakdown.”

“Appreciated.”

And when the day arrives, booze is the one thing they do seem to have enough of.

“Why did we say we were going to supply ingredients?” Logan wonders aloud as he methodically opens and shuts every cupboard in their kitchen.  “You forgot to buy onions, we don’t own any spices, I don’t even think we have salt and pepper –”

“Logan.  Man!  Relax.”  As anticipated, Dick is already halfway to trashed, and far from caring if their hamburgers are seasoned.  

“This was your idea,” Logan says, accusing sliding into sardonic.  “You’re the one who wanted to make some new dad-memories, and now because you were overly confident in a Craigslist ad, our new dad is already going to be disappointed in us.”

“Dude, holy shit –” Dick bursts out laughing and can’t continue his thought.  Logan turns around to glare at him in exasperation. “What if –” Dick stammers, chortling, “what if he says the thing?  ‘I’m not mad I’m just disappointed?’  How absolutely sick would that be?”  He’s wheezing now, and Logan can’t think of anything to do except stare at him.  “Just like a real dad!” Dick howls.

Logan stands, frozen, for a beat longer, and then abandons his search for the probably-nonexistent spice cabinet to reach for the scotch instead.  “Gia was right,” he says flatly.  “This is going to end in tears.”  He pulls a little too sharply on the tab of the wax seal and it snaps off with the seal still in place.  He looks at it in consternation, and it is at this point that the doorbell rings.  Dick makes no sign of moving from his position, giggling slumped over the kitchen table, so Logan jogs to the front hallway, only to discover that Dick has placed all the beer they bought in front of the door, barricading it closed.  He’s kicking six packs out of the way and trying to open the scotch bottle with his teeth when he finally manages to wrench open the door and is greeted by the genial but not-quite-non-threatening face of Keith Mars.  

For a moment the desire to say something dismissive rises up, as if this was still high school and he was still incapable of engaging with an adult on mutually respectful terms, but Logan takes a deep breath and forces it down.  “Mr. Mars,” he says.

Keith sticks out a hand.  “Richard?”

Logan snorts, but accepts the handshake.  “Richard is inside.  I’m the roommate, Logan.”

Keith’s eyes drop to the scotch bottle still in Logan’s hand.  “I hate it when that happens,” he says mildly.

Logan makes a non-committal noise.  “We probably have a wine opener somewhere that should do the trick.”

“We don’t!” Dick yells from the kitchen.  “I told the chicks to bring one!”

“That would be Richard,” Logan tells Keith wryly.  Keith raises his eyebrows, but then reaches into his jacket pocket and offers Logan a multi-tool.  “Thanks,” Logan says uncomfortably, looking down to flip through utensils instead of making eye contact.  “Can I offer you anything?”

“Nope,” says Keith cheerfully, “just point me to the backyard and I’ll get the grill fired up.”

“Get the grill fired up!” Dick’s voice repeats, maniacally.  

“He’s fine,” says Logan, unconvinced himself. “The backyard’s through this way.”

“No!” Dick stumbles into the hallway and spreads his arms wide, probably so as best to show off the tshirt he bought specifically for the occasion which reads “you’re all up in my grill”, a decided improvement over the grill-themed shirt Logan had to initially talk him down from, which had a meat-related innuendo on it.  “I will show you to the backyard, sir!”

Keith offers a hand.  “Keith Mars.”

“Awesome, dude.”  Dick shakes his hand, which is apparently hilarious because he cracks himself up again.  “Welcome to the party!”  

Keith glances at Logan, who shrugs.  “I’m just happy to be included,” Keith says, sounding, against all odds, like he means it.

“Dope,” Dick responds.  “Follow me, mon capitan, I will show you to your grill kingdom!”

“Please stop mixing your metaphors,” Logan tells him, but Keith waves him off and allows Dick to sling an arm around his shoulder and lead him towards the screen door to the backyard.  

“Dude, seriously, your application was whack,” Dick says.  “I was like, whoa, this guy is like a serious dad!”  Logan is watching them go, wondering if he’s responsible for making Keith feel safe and if he should therefore follow, when there’s a voice at shoulder-level behind him.

“So that’s the Craigslist guy?”

He turns, smoothly accepts the proffered casserole dish. “Craigslist dad, actually, or you’re missing the whole point.”

Carrie stands on her toes to look over his shoulder at where Keith is patiently observing Dick’s wild gesticulating at all the ingredients they bought.  “Huh,” she says.  “I guess he does kind of look like a dad.”

“I should hope so, we took the casting call very seriously.”

Carrie rolls her eyes.  “That’s a fruit salad,” she informs him, indicating the dish he’s holding.  “I’ve just gotta grab my guitar out of my car and then I can help set up or whatever.”

“You brought your guitar?” Logan repeats.  “Are we gonna sit in a circle and sing campfire songs?  What the hell kind of barbecue do you think this is?”

“A nice wholesome one, of course.  You were kind enough to invite Susan and her kid, and you specifically got a random dad to come grill you food.”  After a pause and seemingly despite herself, Carrie asks, “You really couldn’t have just bought a grill yourselves?”

Logan sighs.  “Actually, the grill is ours.  Keith had one but it wouldn’t fit in his car, so Dick went straight out and got the most expensive one there was.”

“Don’t all serious dads own pickup trucks?”

“That’s exactly what I said.”

“And now you have your own grill.”

“We even managed to work it ourselves; we made marshmallows over it last night.”

Carrie makes a face.  “I can’t believe you guys are living together.  You’ll both starve to death or suffocate under dirty laundry within a month.”

“Nah,” says Logan, dismissive, “we can live on marshmallows for at least two months, and we can just buy new clothes and burn our dirty laundry on the grill.”

“That,” Carrie tells him calmly, “is disgusting.”

“People who bring acoustic guitars to house parties shouldn’t throw stones,” Logan counters.  

She laughs and flips him off.  “When’s everyone else getting here?”

He indicates careless ignorance with a wave of the hand.  “Hopefully soon.  I think we need to set up a watch rotation to make sure Dick doesn’t start crying on the grill dad.”

Carrie snorts, tosses him her keys; he manages to switch the fruit salad to one hand and snag them in the hand holding the scotch. “In that case, you go grab my guitar out of the trunk.  What did you say the guy’s name is?”

“Keith Mars.”

“Got it.  Do not leave me out there by myself for more than a minute.”

“Of course not!  In fact, I wouldn’t dream of getting in your car and driving far, far away from here.”

She elbows past him, laughing, and jogs through the house to make a dramatic exit out the back door, where she is greeted by Dick’s incoherent shouts.  Logan sighs, then picks his way back through the six-packs to the kitchen to put everything down, finally open the scotch, and knock back half a drink.  When he gets back out to the driveway Casey Gant is there with his newest arm-candy girlfriend, and Logan finds himself cajoled into giving a house tour so he can explain to her why he and Dick decided on this house, how all the guests know each other, and that, no, Casey wasn’t lying about the Craigslist situation.  By the time Logan manages to extricate himself, everyone has arrived and is milling around the backyard.  Carrie waves to him from a picnic blanket in the middle of the lawn, where she is in fact playing guitar for Susan and her adolescent daughter.  He likes Susan and the kid fine, but the three of them seem to be working on a warble-y song from the latest Disney princess sensation, so he hides a grimace, waves back, and looks elsewhere.  There’s a few people clustered around the grill, listening to Keith tell some story which is apparently fascinating; Logan gives them a wide berth and joins Lilly and Gia instead, who are standing off to the side eyeing the whole scene skeptically.

“Don’t you ladies want to take advantage of this unique opportunity to interact with a genuine, human parent?” he asks.

“Nope,” says Gia, at the same time as Lilly says “Not even a little.”  

Logan snorts.  “Well, cheers to that, I suppose.”  

“Yes, cheers!” Lilly says.  “To dealing with our issues in therapy, rather than projecting all of our buried hopes onto a stranger with a novelty apron who could never live up to our ideals anyway.”  

“Like motherfucking adults,” Logan echoes solemnly. They clink glasses.  

Gia looks contemplative.  “It’s not so much that he’s a random stranger,” she says. “I even kind of trust that he’s for real, you know?”

“I know,” Lilly retorts, pausing to take a big gulp of her drink.  “That’s the worst part.  Dick introduced me to him when I got here, and he was immediately more interested in my life and my job than my parents have ever been.”

“Yeah, but like, actually interested,” Gia adds, “like he thought I was worth his time and couldn’t wait to hear more about me.”

“How dare he,” Logan says mildly.

Gia elbows him in the ribs.  “I don’t see you over there talking to him.”

Logan shrugs.  “If I met him on the street maybe I’d be able to trust that he’s the real deal, but the fact that he answered the ad just seems fundamentally suspicious.”

“Yeah, but you guys aren’t paying him, are you?” says Lilly.

“Just in beer.”    

“He’s probably just lonely,” Gia suggests.

“I thought the same thing,” says Logan. “But if he’s such a good father, then wouldn’t his own kid want to see him?  So why would he need us?”

Lilly pats him on the shoulder.  “Logan, you’ve honed your trust issues and pessimism into quite an art.”

He huffs, irritable despite himself.  “I’m just saying, don’t anyone go writing him into their will just yet.”  Gia looks at him little worriedly, and he attempts a reassuring smile.  “I need another drink, can I get either of you anything?”  They both wave him off, and he makes for the deck where all the refreshments are, but in his haste to get away, forgets to avoid the grill group and accidentally makes eye contact with Dick.  Dick, of course, begins frantically waving him over, and though Logan lifts a hand in acknowledgement and tries to stay course, this only means that Dick starts yelling his name.  Logan silently swears to himself that he will not enter the fatherland without a drink in hand, so yells back that he’ll be right there and prays that they’ll be out of something on the drinks and appetizers table so he’ll have to go inside to get it, if not drive to the store.  Tragically, Carrie is already there, refilling chip bowls, and when he offers to help she just gives him an unsympathetic look.  

“Go get it over with, before Dick convinces everyone to start chanting your name,” she says.  

Logan sighs, grabs the beer with the highest alcohol content he can find, and skips down the stairs.  “Logan!’ Dick crows.  “Logan’s here, guys!”

“I live here,” Logan reminds him.  The obvious statement is greeted by polite laughs from the Keith fan-club and drunken giggling from Dick.

“Get this, Logan!” he says, childlike excitement radiating off him in waves.  “We didn’t even need salt and pepper, Keith brought his own burger rub!”

Logan looks obligingly at Keith, who nods.  “Secret family recipe.”

“I thought the secret was the hot sauce?” Logan says.

“I’ve got that, too.”

Logan raises his eyebrows.  “Everything’s a secret with you, Mr. Mars.  And here I thought we were just on the verge of opening up to each other.”

Keith laughs good-naturedly.  “I’m an open book, Logan.”

Logan is mentally scrolling through options for sarcastic replies which aren’t overly combative when suddenly he feels very, uncomfortably cold, from the back of his neck down, and can do nothing but gasp stupidly.  For a moment he thinks Dick has poured ice down his back, but Dick is standing on the other side of the grill from him, looking genuinely surprised albeit delighted. Logan cranes his neck and turns in a circle, but can’t see what’s been spilled on him, though it’s entirely clear who’s to blame.  “Duncan,” Logan says, flat and edging toward a growl.

Duncan has the nerve to roll his eyes.  “Come on, man, it’s not my fault.”  

Logan gestures to where Duncan has clearly dropped his solo cup and half a plate of appetizers on the lawn.  “And how do you figure that?”

Duncan shrugs.  “You know how hard it is to hold a drink and a plate of stuff at the same time.”

“Hmm, then maybe you should go inside and eat at the table – or better yet, maybe the family down the block can loan us their high chair.”

Duncan scowls at him.  “Do you have to be like this, Logan, seriously?  It’s just a shirt.  And it’s your freaking house, you can just go in and change.”  

Logan flicks his eyes over at Keith, who thankfully doesn’t appear inclined to use his fake fatherly authority to intervene and is pretending to look intently at something across the way.  Logan fakes a laugh and says as evenly as he can manage, “And it was your freaking drink, so you could have just apologized.”  Keith abandons his examination of the next-door-neighbor’s maple tree to give Logan a side-eyed smile, and for a moment, Logan feels a vague sense of satisfaction, before he remembers that he doesn’t care about Keith’s approval.  He makes a wry face back.

“Logan,” Keith says mildly, “keep an eye on the grill? I need to grab something I left in the kitchen.”

“No problem, Mr. Mars,” Logan answers, saluting sloppily.  Keith nods at him, and then pats Duncan on the shoulder as he passes; Logan interprets the move as condescending and is pleased again, and again annoyed at himself for being pleased.  As a pathetic attempt at distracting himself, he pulls his arms into what was previously his favorite gray v-neck and puts it back on backwards so he can look at the stain, and then is horrified all over again.  “Duncan, what the fuck were you drinking?” he demands.

Now, finally, Duncan has the grace to look ashamed, or at least defensive.  “Mike’s,” he mutters.

“Mike’s lemonade is not this color.”

“It was Mike’s hard black cherry lemonade, alright!”  

There are various titters from the group; Logan snorts inadvertently and lifts up the shirt to sniff the purple-y stain, which smells more like sugar than anything else.  He knows he should stop pushing, but can’t quite restrain a “Dude, really?”, which turns the titters into full-fledged barks of laughter.

Duncan snaps.  “Why do you have to be such a –”

“Donut!”

Duncan freezes at the sound of Lilly’s voice.

“Quit being a drip!” she yells.  “Or go home!”

For a second, Duncan turns his glare back on Logan with full force, and Logan almost thinks he’s going to spit in his face or something, but then he just kicks at his dropped solo cup and slinks off toward the front yard.

“Wo-o-ow,” says Dick, with barely contained glee.  “This really is the best party ever.”

Logan rolls his eyes, grabs the spatula hanging off the grill, and starts idly pushing burgers around to have something to do. “You’re happy with your Craigslist investment?” he asks Dick.

“Absolutely, dude!”

“And the weirdness of the concept still hasn’t dawned on you?” Casey adds, snickering.

“How could it be weird?  Keith is awesome, and he’s the perfect addition to the party, just like the application said.”

“Of course he is.”

Logan jumps, almost drops a burger on the ground, and then turns to find that Duncan’s place in the circle has been filled. She’s on the shorter side, with blonde hair falling down her back in waves, a leather jacket slung over one shoulder, and a completely unreadable expression on her face – and based on the looks she’s getting from the others, no one else has the faintest idea who she is either.  “Uh –” Logan says.

“Keith Mars is still here, right?” she asks, voice somewhere between businesslike and belligerent.

“Well –”

“He just went inside,” Dick says, helpfully. “He’ll be back out in a minute.”

Logan groans.  “Dick, remind me never to commit any crimes you’d have to be interrogated about.”

Dick shrugs, the whole movement exaggerated by drunkenness.  “Look at her, man, what’s she gonna do?”

Logan looks at her, less sure that he should be unintimidated than Dick seems to be; she gives him an unimpressed once-over, but then cracks a smile seemingly despite herself.  “So was it some combination of getting dressed in the dark and a wet tshirt competition, or is this a bold fashion choice?”

Logan glances down at his backwards v-neck and the damp, purple circle on his chest.  “Bold fashion choice,” he answers, looking up to raise his eyebrows at her.

“I wouldn’t have been able to picture it,” she says, looking him up and down again, “but now that I see it, I guess it works.  In fact, you should only wear this.  Like, ever.”

Logan grins awkwardly, unsure whether she’s mocking him or flirting with him, and still unsure what he, as a homeowner, is supposed to do about strangers in his backyard, even if they are exceptionally cute.

“So, this is weird,” Dick offers.

“Hey, honey!”  Logan turns; Keith is coming down the steps of the deck with burger buns and cheese in hand, beaming at the interloper.  

“And it just got weirder,” Casey announces.

“Yup,” echoes his date.  “More drinks?” 

“You bet.”  They wander off arm in arm; Casey salutes Logan with his beer can.

“What are you doing here, sweetheart?” Keith says, dumping his armful of food onto the picnic table so he can hug the blonde girl.

She shrugs, looking considerably more relaxed now that he’s appeared.  “I’m an only child, dad, you didn’t honestly expect me to let you adopt a whole party without at least coming over to check up on you.  I’ve never had to share before.”

Keith laughs.  “Of course, why didn’t I think of that.  Why wouldn’t my grown adult daughter show up at an honest Craigslist gig to make sure she wasn’t losing her spot as my favorite child?”

“I dunno,” Dick says suspiciously, “I think she might also be here to flirt with Logan.”  

“You two have met?” Keith turns a surprised look on Logan, who does his best innocent blink and tries not to broadcast that a few seconds ago he was considering using Duncan’s spill as an excuse to take his shirt off in front of this girl.

“Only just now,” Keith’s daughter assures him.

Logan nods.  “You’re V. Mars?”

“Veronica,” she answers.  She offers her hand to shake.

“Don’t take this personally,” Logan says, “but I wouldn’t.  I’m honestly kind of covered in Mike’s hard black cherry lemonade.”

“That exists?” she says.

“There’s no limit to the abominations which crawl this earth,” he replies, straight-faced.  She laughs.

“See what I mean,” Dick says to Keith.  Keith looks at him blankly; Dick belches, shoots Logan a complicated and incomprehensible hand gesture, and wanders off after Casey, leaving Logan alone with the two Marses.  He looks back and forth between them, trying not to stare, and wondering if it would be weird to ask what kind of degree Veronica just graduated with based on the picture Keith sent.

“So!” Veronica says, into the strained silence. “You’ve been treating my dad well?”

“He’s getting all of the standard grill-dad benefits,” Logan answers.  “We didn’t want to have the agency all over us, or god forbid, the unions.”

Veronica smiles in acknowledgment, but her eyes flick to her dad with something like nervousness.  

“Do you two need a minute?” Logan offers.

“No!” says Keith, confidently calm. “Everything’s all fine, here.  Son, can you start putting cheese on hamburger buns? Veronica, honey, help him?”

Veronica rolls her eyes, but bumps Logan out of the way with her hip so she can grab the cheese.  “So, daaad,” she says, sing-song.

“Veronica,” he says, warningly.

She actually pouts.  “Come on, dad,” she says, the words coming quicker now. “It’s pretty clear Logan doesn’t care about you being his fake father for the day; his entire body flinched when you called him son.”

Logan hands her a hamburger bun he removed from the block of them in the bag, says mildly, “I thought I managed to reserve my flinch to only seventy percent of my body.”

“Nope!” Veronica gives him an apologetic smile, and then turns back to Keith.  “Dad, please.”  

Keith glances at Logan, back at her, and sighs. “Make it quick, Veronica.”

She drops the package of cheese and reaches into her bag to retrieve a giant camera.  “So-o-o,” she says, lowering her voice, “you know that guy I’ve been on all week for a completely unrelated…work thing?”

Keith rolls his eyes.  “Yes.”

“Well, he just walked through the front door of your guy’s house.”  

“No, he didn’t,” Keith says drily.  She tabs through a few photos on the display, shows him one.  Keith looks at her.  “That can’t be good.”  

She lets out a huff of breath.  “No, I didn’t think so either.”  

“I can see both exits from here, honey, and I haven’t turned my back once.”

“From here?” Logan repeats.

They ignore him.  “If I didn’t notice him going in, it was because I wasn’t looking for people entering,” Keith continues, reassuringly.  “Nobody could have gotten away, so they must all just be inside.  We’ll wait it out, it’ll be fine.”

Logan is just about to give up and leave them to it so he can find another drink, and maybe even change his shirt, but that, of course, is when the air is filled with the sound of breaking glass.

Some kind of instinct takes over and he dives in between the sound and Veronica, dragging her to the ground with him despite her incoherent noise of protest.  He looks up in time to see a flailing person hit the ground below the next-door-neighbor’s maple tree, surrounded by the debris from the shattered second-story window.

“That’s yours!” Veronica gasps, but Keith has already produced a gun from somewhere under his novelty apron and is pointing it at where the fallen man has gotten unsteadily to his feet.

“Police!” Keith shouts.  “Don’t move!”

There’s a stunned pause, Logan takes in the faces of gaping astonishment on his friends, and then the man takes off running in the opposite direction.  Keith lets out a brief curse and rips off his apron.  “He’s running,” he announces to thin air, and Logan hears a siren start up down the street, so apparently he really is police.  Keith throws the apron at Veronica.  “Don’t let the hamburgers burn,” he orders, and then he climbs on the picnic table, vaults clumsily over the neighbor’s fence, and takes off after the runner.

“You’re going to strain your back,” Veronica yells after him, almost petulant.  She elbows Logan in the ribs and he rolls off her, not sure whether she’s about to join in the chase herself or whether she’s just going to lay into him for tackling her. She gets up, checks her camera and is apparently convinced that its not broken, but still looks dissatisfied about something.  She peeks into the grill, lifts a single burger with the forgotten spatula. “They’re not going to burn,” she says, disdainfully.  

“Dude.” Dick jogs over so he can give Logan a hand up off the ground.  “Dude,” Dick repeats, “is it just me or was our grill-dad packing heat?”

Logan pats his arm.  “Not only was he packing heat, but he was almost definitely using us to surveille the house next door.”

Dick looks flabbergasted.  “Shit, man.  Even my fake dad didn’t really want to spend time with me.”  

“I’m sure he’ll be back, once they’ve collared the guy,” Veronica offers.  As if inspired, she removes the first burger patty from the grill, puts it on one of their prepared buns, and hands it to him.  

Dick looks at it suspiciously, takes a bite, and then nods, but adds accusingly, “Whatever, man.  I’m going to need therapy from this.”  He shoots a finger gun at Logan.  “So, you do whatever you’re doing here, I’m gonna go apologize to Susan for exposing her child to all this violence.”

“That’s really mature and responsible of you, Dick,” Logan says, surprised.

“Duh,” says Dick.  “It’s up to us to break the cycle.”  And with that, he heads back towards the rest of the party, who are all staring at Veronica with no small amount of apprehension.  She doesn’t seem to notice, but absently picks up Keith’s apron and puts it on, and starts assembling burgers.

Logan can’t help but ask, “You’re not going to follow them?”

“Nope,” she says, shortly, “not my case.”

“Do you need to go after…your guy?”

“No, I’ve got the pictures I needed.”

“Then I’m sure Keith would appreciate the backup…?”

She lets out a short laugh, and Logan sees with dawning comprehension that she’s worried.  “He needs it,” she answers, “but he wouldn’t appreciate it.  I don’t have the clearance.”

“You’re not his partner?”

She turns to look at him like he’s an idiot. “No-o-o,” she says.  “I’m his daughter.”

Logan grins, lifts his hands in surrender. “Sorry, I wasn’t sure how deep the undercover scheme went.”  She snorts, flips her hair over her shoulder, and turns back to the grill.  “That one on the right is getting a little overdone,” he says, pointing.

“No it’s not.”  She swats his hand away, and then moves the offending burger closer to the coals, Logan suspects just to be contrary.

“So you’re not a cop?” he tries again.  She shoots him an exasperated glance over her shoulder, he grins, says, “If you’re not a cop, why were you surveilling the house too?”

She huffs a sigh, puts the spatula down with a clatter, and reaches for her bag where it had fallen on the ground.  “Here,” she says, and tosses something at him.  He catches it, turns it around, opens it.  

“You’re a private detective?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Not a cop?”

“I’m going to throw a hamburger at you.”

Logan laughs.  “So, what, you didn’t want to follow in your father’s footsteps?”

“I did, he didn’t,” Veronica says casually, returning her focus to the grill.  “He wanted me to aim higher.  I got accepted to Quantico, and was sent home after three weeks because of my issue with authority.”  She shrugs, spins the spatula like a baton.  “Turns out, I’m more suited for private eye work than I am for either the feds or the boys in blue anyway.”  

“Huh.”

“What?”

Logan shrugs, thinking that she was already exceptionally cute, but she just became the most fascinating person on the planet. “I don’t know.”

She removes the last burger from the grill and spins to look at him, hands on her hips.  He feels a goofy grin spreading over his face, and she rolls her eyes at him. “What, Logan?”

“You should only wear this.”

She looks down at Keith’s apron, which reads in big, bold letters, “NEVER TRUST A SKINNY CHEF”.  She snorts.  “If you haven’t figured out yet that you shouldn’t trust me, no amount of written reminders are going to do the trick.”

Logan ducks his head, rubs the back of his neck. “So I’m trusting, sue me.”

“Ah!” She taps her chin with one finger, mock-contemplative.  “Is that how you ended up advertising for a strange dad to on-site cater your barbecue?”

“That wasn’t my idea.”  Veronica raises her eyebrows, Logan adds, “I actually feel a lot better about your dad now.”

“You feel a lot better about him now that you know he deceived you?”

“Well, yeah,” Logan admits.  “He seemed way too normal to be the kind of person who responds to Craigslist ads, so there definitely had to be a catch.”  She raises her eyebrows at him, he adds lamely, “So it’s nice that the catch was he’s mainly here to catch bad guys.”

As if on cue, Veronica’s cell phone buzzes; she picks up on the first ring.  “Dad?” The worry smooths away from her face at his response, and she mouths a quick apology to Logan before retreating into the corner of the yard to debrief.  The last thing he hears her say is “I can’t believe you jumped over that fence, are you trying to kill me?”

Logan walks over to where Dick and Gia are relating the main event to Duncan, who has reemerged and is trying very hard to appear as if he doesn’t regret missing out.  “Then Keith magically pulled a gun out of nowhere,” Dick says, miming in slow motion, “and yelled get on the ground or I’ll shoot!”

“He didn’t exactly yell that,” Gia puts in. “I’m pretty sure he basically just said ‘police’.”

Dick ignores her, too invested in the story. “But the guy just books it, and so Keith literally vaulted over the fence and chased after him, yelling and firing at him –”

“No,” Gia says.

Duncan rolls his eyes.  “This is what you get for inviting strangers into your home,” he says derisively.

“Trained professionals to arrest the criminal who apparently lived next door to us anyway?” Logan pipes up.

“Professional or not,” Gia says, upbeat, “as soon as shit started to go down, Logan shielded the cop’s daughter with his body, which was pretty cool.”

“Aww,” says Lilly, coming up to put an arm around her brother’s shoulders.  “And you were out in the car, sulking because everyone laughed at your drink choice!”

Reminded, Logan glances down at his shirt, which he’d mostly forgotten in all the excitement; it is now starting to stick to his skin uncomfortably.  What the hell, Keith won’t be back for twenty minutes at least; he can definitely get some mileage out of this.  He takes the shirt off.  The girls wolf-whistle, Duncan groans.

“You know,” Lilly suggests slyly, “there are definitely easier ways than Craigslist to incorporate a new father figure into your life.”

“What?” says Dick, immediately intrigued.  “Is there a more specific service?”

“Is there?” Logan repeats, alarmed.  

Lilly starts laughing.  “You’re both idiots,” Duncan tells them, with significantly more affection now that his knowing something they don’t has reestablished him in a position of authority.  

Gia appears to be about ready to take pity on them, but is interrupted by Veronica’s return. “They got the guy,” she announces.  “Dad is driving him to the station.  Logan, he says he’s leaving you in charge until he gets back, not Richard.”

Dick flips her off; Logan replies, “I’m touched that he’s ceding authority to me in my own home.”

Veronica performs an elaborate double take, gestures at the house.  “This is yours?”

“As far as the eye can see, or at least until where I imagine the police tape will be going up.”

“It’s my house, too,” Dick puts in.

Veronica ignores him.  “I took you for an out-of-towner,” she tells Logan.

The fact that she thought of this means she’s not uninterested in the possibility of seeing him again.  “Nope, local boy, though and through.”

Veronica eyes him thoughtfully.  “And why are you half naked?”

He realizes he doesn’t actually have a good reason.  “I was really starting to smell?”

She pretends to consider this.  “I guess I’ll take it,” she finally says.  Lilly starts cackling.  

Logan tries not to preen.  “Veronica, this is everybody; everybody, Veronica.” Veronica waves awkwardly.  

“Are you going to stick around until your dad gets back?” Gia asks, faux-innocent.  

Veronica looks sidelong at Logan.  “Stay,” he says, hearing it come out somehow as if he were laying his heart on the line.  He adds, more casually, “You can scold him for his fence-jumping.”  

She considers him.  “Do you have anything other than Mike’s hard black cherry lemonade?”

He cracks a smile.  “I think I can scare something up.”

“The good stuff is all inside,” Lilly lies, straight-faced, then elbows Duncan, who says with faux-enthusiasm, “Oh yeah, and while you’re in there, maybe Logan could put a shirt on.”

“Like, if one jumps out at him,” Gia puts in. “Not every color works on Logan.”

“Yeah,” says Lilly.  “He went through a whole orange phase.  It was bad.”

Veronica looks bewilderedly around the circle, then back up at Logan.  “I guess I could stay awhile,” she says, a smile pulling at her mouth.  

“Don’t forget to grab hamburgers before you go in,” Dick says, serious.  “That’s literally the whole point.”

“Right,” says Logan, not taking his eyes off Veronica. “Thank goodness for those hamburgers.”

                                              -~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Yahoo answers post from user MeCasablancasIsTooCasablancas:

So a few years ago I met this really cool dad, super great, very wise, lot to offer as a father figure.  I put a lot of effort into getting to know him and he’s always been totally chill.  My roommate, on the other hand, barely wanted to talk to the dad, from day one.  Only problem is, now that’s changed and we’re in competition, and I was wondering, how do I make sure that my prior claim to the dad is respected?  My roommate didn’t even want a dad, but now just because he’s marrying the guy’s daughter everyone’s telling me father-in-law trumps the fact that I clearly called dibs? This can’t be right.  

Also, the wedding is in two months, and even though there’s no way they go through with it, just in case please go to Craigslist and look for my post seeking a new roommate.  If it helps, we have a grill.

[mentalhealthandgames]

‘Night in the Woods’ analysis:

‘Night in the Woods’ is an indie story based adventure game that I have often seen referred to as a coming of age story. It was developed by Infinite Fall and published by Finji in February 2017. It is set in a world of zoomorphic animals and follows the story of a 20 year old cat named Mae as she returns to her small home town of Possum Springs after dropping out of college. As she refamiliarizes herself with the town, her friends and family and the ways they have changed, she and her friends realise strange things are happening in their town and try to uncover what they are.

There are a few mysteries in the game for the player to try to resolve. Some are to do with the main plot, such as the disappearance of one of Mae’s old friends before she returned from college or the appearance of a dismembered arm in town. However some are to do with Mae in particular and her past. Although the game starts with Mae returning to her hometown as a college dropout the player does not know the reason for her dropping out, as she is reluctant to tell friends and family. The other mystery is one that is referred to throughout the game by other townspeople, an incident that took place before Mae went to college that has caused many people to avoid her. Nearing the last sections of the game Mae has an emotional conversation with one of her friends (either Gregg, her best friend, or Bea, her old childhood friend, depending on who the player interacted with more) in which Mae reveals that the two mysteries are linked.

In my play through of the game she had that conversation with Gregg, and started by asking him “do you know why I beat down Andy Cullen 6 years ago?” Gregg replied with “Back then you said you went all crazy. But like that’s not really a reason I guess.” I really like this as it shows people that crazy isn’t actually a good explanation for anything, that people and their motivations are often more complex than ‘crazy’. Colloquially, ‘crazy’, along with ‘mad’ and ‘insane’ is a label that is often used interchangeably with mentally ill and implies that the person who is labelled such is unstable. This causes a lot of stigma, which can lead to people with mental health conditions being afraid to get help. The fact that Gregg said that it’s “not really a reason” implies that people do not just ‘go crazy’ and that mental health is far more complex than that, which is further backed up by the rest of their conversation. The conversation continues with Mae talking about playing a game every day and how “suddenly, like, something broke. It was just like… pixels.” When Gregg asked, “your computer broke?” Mae said “no like… reality broke. The characters onscreen… like I’d felt like I knew them… but they weren’t people anymore. They were just shapes. And their lines were just things someone had written. They never existed, they never had feelings. They never would exist either. And it felt so sad. Like I’d just lost these real people. And this whole thing we had, it was just… me. Alone. And like that realization like dumped out of the screen and into real life. Went outside and the tree out front, I looked at it every day it was like a friend outside the window. Now it was just a thing… just a thing that was there. Growing and eating and just being there. Like all the stuff I felt about the tree. Was just in my head. And there was some guy walking by. And he was just shapes. Just like this moving bulk of… stuff. And I cried. Because nothing was there for me anymore. It was all just stuff. Stuff in the universe. Just… dead.” This gives the player insight to Mae’s struggle with mental health. Although the game, and the creators have not used a label to describe Mae’s mental condition it seems likely that she was experiencing some form of depersonalization-derealization disorder (also known as DDD) which is a dissociative disorder that healthline (Raypole, 2019) describes “can leave you feeling distanced or disconnected from yourself and the world around you”. This is the description of derealisation from the NHS website (National Health Service, 2020): “derealisation is where you feel the world around is unreal. People and things around you may seem "lifeless" or "foggy".” This is the description from the website of the charity Mind (Mind, 2019): “You might: feel as though the world around you is unreal, see objects changing in shape, size or colour, see the world as 'lifeless' or 'foggy' [or] feel as if other people are robots (even though you know they are not).” They both seem to line up with how Mae describes feeling which makes it likely that she is struggling from DDD.

Mae then explained how this detachment from reality caused her to attack Andy Cullen with a bat at a softball game as she had also seen him as just shapes and it had scared her and she had acted impulsively. She clearly feels guilty over it, as is shown by her worrying about how much she made him bleed and how when Gregg said: “he was probably an asshole” she replied with: “no, dude. I didn’t know him. Neither did you.” Mae then talked about how she then was given the journal that she draws in throughout the game by her therapist, who was just the town doctor, doctor Hank who she admitted is “not good at what he does. Which I guess is understandable because he does like everything.” Scott Benson (the animator and illustrator of the game) confirmed in an interview with Kotaku (Spencer, 2017) the reason they made Mae unable to access a qualified therapist was because that reflects the reality of living in a small town where they don’t have proper access to mental health care. “Even when you have access to mental health care, sometimes you end up with a bad doctor or you just don’t have access to the kind of care you need,” Benson explained. “And so, putting Mae in that kind of situation reflected the actual reality of the incident in a lot of places where there’s just not someone there that you can go to.” However, when Gregg asked Mae: “did that journal shit… did it actually work?” Mae said “kinda? Sorta? It helps me… like… grab onto things. And keep them in one place.” I think this is important because it may encourage some players with mental health conditions to try using a journal which can be helpful for some people (it was for me when I was suffering through episodes of psychosis). Keeping a journal is even suggested in the self-care section of the ‘dissociation and dissociative disorders’ webpage from the Mind website, which states: “Keeping a journal can help you understand and remember different parts of your experience” (Mind, 2019). Mae then revealed her experience of going to college when, ever since the incident with Andy Cullen, “when I’m alone in a new place it’s all shapes, like back at the softball game.” She mentioned how she struggled to make friends and stayed in her room most of the time, how she “either didn’t eat or I ate entire pizzas at once” and “downed sough syrup just to sleep all the time.” The symptoms of having trouble with sleep and with appetite are common in some other mental health conditions, particularly trouble sleeping which is also a symptom commonly related to depression, PTSD and anxiety. This means that players who don’t have a dissociative disorder but experience another mental health condition (or several others) may still be able to relate to Mae’s experiences which might make them feel less alone. The fact that Mae does seem to suffer from a dissociative disorder, however, is important as dissociative disorders are not as well-known as other mental health conditions, and it is needed to have more representation of less understood and heard of conditions to help spread awareness. Mind, under the ‘dealing with stigma’ part of the ‘self-care’ section, also states that: “unfortunately, a lot of people don't understand much about dissociation and dissociative disorders, and may hold misconceptions about you” (Mind, 2019). This shows that it is important to have representation, good representation that clears up misconceptions and reveals what it is like for people with dissociative disorders. This can also be seen in the previously mentioned article by Kotaku in which Chloe Spencer interviewed Alec Holowka and Scott Benson: “Benson said that he and Hockenberry were recently in Portland, where they met someone who experiences depersonalization and said that they had never seen those issues depicted in media” (Spencer, 2017).

References:

Spencer, C. (2017) Night in the Woods Treats Depression Like a Part of Life. Available at:

https://kotaku.com/night-in-the-woods-treats-depression-like-a-part-of-lif-1797400607 (accessed at: 22 February 2021)

[whalefairyfandom12]

ALT ER LOVE

Summary: Dan is the breakout star of the newest international sensation, SKAM Britain, with the upcoming season centered around his character Isak. The only problem is that the actor portraying Isak’s love interest is enough to send the carefully labeled details of Dan’s life into disorder.

Phil had never wanted to be an actor, but peer pressure and having a film credit on his uni application was enough to make him audition. Somehow his meager talent lands him the role of Even, starring opposite one of the biggest names in the industry and his not-so-secret celebrity crush. The reality of the situation is more than he’d ever signed up for, and as fiction starts to bleed into reality the only thing anyone knows for certain is that understanding love isn’t nearly as easy without a script.

A/N: Though this certainly talks about Skam and its characters, it’s not necessary to have seen the show to understand what’s happening. It’s really just an actor au with an excuse for me to talk about the show haha. (But really, you should watch it if you haven’t already as it’s amazing.) I hope you enjoy!

Masterpost

Week One

Wednesday 10:30

    The poster was hanging from the bulletin board, already wrinkled and torn in several places.

    Following the success of the Norwegian hit show SKAM and its subsequent British remake we are currently holding auditions for the upcoming season! The series is an international phenomenon praised for its authentic portrayal of teenagers and focuses on telling real stories based on the hardships and pressures of being in college. We’re conducting an extensive search to find British teenagers for the cast. NO ACTING EXPERIENCE REQUIRED.

     Phil Lester was not an actor. The last time he’d participated in a play was in Year Two during a retelling of the birth of Jesus, and he’d almost passed out from stage fright. He had no interest in acting, and he hadn’t watched any of the iterations of Skam. He did, however, want to get a degree in video post production, which was why he was standing in the middle of the hall trying to determine if he thought he’d pass out if he tried to audition.

    Rosie came to a halt beside him, adjusting her grip on her backpack. Her hair was back to its natural blonde color, falling loose around her shoulders. “Are you going to audition?” she asked.

    “Are you?” he countered.

    She laughed. “No, definitely not. I can’t act to save my life.”

    “I can’t either, but it would look really good on my application.” He paused. “Is it bad I’ve never seen Skam?”

    Rosie’s eyes widened in horror he hoped was mock but looked fairly genuine. “How have you lived?”

    “I’ve seen gifs on Tumblr,” he said defensively. “And I keep meaning to, but I don’t have time.” He was even following some of the gif blogs, but that was more because of Dan Howell than anything about the show.

    “You’d get to make out with Dan Howell if you auditioned for Even’s role,” Rosie said, apparently reading his mind. “That’s reason enough.”

    “I didn’t know Dan was your type.”

    “He’s a little bit everyone’s type, but I know he’s yours.” She raised her eyebrows, nudging him suggestively. “You forget I’ve been on your Tumblr.”

    Phil flushed. “Skam is everywhere,” he said, protest weak even to his own ears. “It’s impossible to avoid it.”

    “Uh huh,” Rosie said, looking entirely too smug for his liking. “But seriously, you should go for it. You fit everything they’re looking for and I think you’d make a good Even.”

    “Yeah?”

    “You both like film, for one. But if you do get the part you have to bring me Dan’s signature.”

    “I’m telling Rose.”

    Rosie rolled her eyes. “Like she’s one to talk. She’s had a crush on Hannah Witton since season one.”

    “Hannah’s a little bit everyone’s type,” Phil echoed, earning himself a snort of laughter.

    “Exactly.” She patted him on the shoulder, grip surprisingly firm. “Alright, I have Classical Literature but I’ll talk to you after you get the part.”

    Phil shook his head, gesture fond. “It’s not going to happen!” he called after her. “I don’t even know if I’m going to sign up.”

    Rosie laughed, ignoring his words in favor of a wave as she disappeared around the corner. Phil watched her leave before turning his attention back to the poster. He sighed, trainers scuffing against the floor. He stretched a tentative hand towards the paper before faltering at the last minute.

   At this rate he was definitely going to be late to maths.

   Signing up didn’t mean he had to go. He could always change his mind, even if he was offered the part. He’d probably end up in the background anyway, no speaking required.

   Phil tore one of the paper strips off the bottom, folding it in half and tucking the URL into his pocket. It wasn’t going to hurt anything to just see what happened after all. He was sure nothing was going to come of it, and if it also presented a convenient excuse to meet Dan, well, what Rosie didn’t know wouldn’t kill her.

::

Wednesday 10:30

    At age sixteen Daniel Howell was quickly rising through the ranks as one of the most influential up and coming English actors. SKAM Britain had taken off internationally, being praised for its loyalty to its source material while still giving it a fresh cultural spin.

    It was everything six year old Dan had fantasized about: fame, recognition, finally being a real actor. But despite finally living the childhood dream sixteen year old Dan just really wanted a nap.

    Unfortunately, Tyler Oakley had other plans.

    Said pain in his ass whacked him in the arm with the script, jolting him awake. “Focus!”

    Dan winced, rubbing the undoubtedly forming bruise. “I am!” A pregnant pause. “Fine,” he amended. “I’m trying. It’s just...it’s been a long day. Week. Life.”

    Tyler’s expression softened slightly. Because unlike Chris he respected Dan’s boundaries, he kindly didn’t point out the fact that it was only 10:30 and therefore too early to really make the classification as a ‘long day.’ “Okay. I think we know the lines anyway.”

    Dan exhaled, flopping back onto the other boy’s bed. His relief was probably obvious, but he was too tired to care. “Thank fuck.”

    Tyler mimicked his movements, staring at the ceiling. “Any luck with casting Even yet?”

    “Not yet. There are a few auditions left today and tomorrow, but I have to decide before Friday.” He rolled over and buried his face in the pillows, closing his eyes. Maybe if he was lucky he’d suffocate to death. “I don’t know. I think Nick would like Felix or a person like that. Someone who's already well-known, but nothing feels right yet. There’s a…” Dan trailed off and snapped his fingers, looking at Tyler expectantly. “You know?”

   The other boy was staring at him uncomprehendingly, brow furrowed. “No, not really.”

    “It’s like when you meet someone and there’s a spark or chemistry or whatever you want to call it, but you click and everything feels like it just works.”

    Tyler bolted upright, holding up a hand. “Hang on. Are we still talking about acting or have we moved on?”

    Dan rolled his eyes. He didn’t know why he bothered, honestly. “Never mind. Forget I said anything.”

    “Because we can totally talk about your love life,” Tyler continued, glee thinly veiled. “Or wait, you’d actually need to have a love life to talk about it.”

     Dan scowled, flipping him off. He retracted any and all previous statements about Tyler being a good friend. “I told you, I’m not--”

     “Interested in a relationship,” his friend finished, pulling a face. “I know. We all know. But imagine how cute it would be if you started dating whoever was cast as Even.” Dan frowned, opening his mouth to respond but Tyler cut him off again. “I know you’re not gay. I’m just saying, everyone loves a good costar romance and imagine how much hotter the sex scenes would be.”

 ��  Dan let out an undignified yelp as he tumbled off the bed, resisting the urge to bang his head against the wall in an attempt to scour the images from his brain. His face was burning as he stumbled to his feet, yanking open the door. “Bonding time’s over! Thanks for going over the lines with me.”

    Tyler smirked, stretching out on the mattress. “There’s something I like about the idea of two really tall men--”

    Dan jammed his fingers in his ears. “Goodbye Tyler,” he said loudly, but unfortunately not loudly enough to miss the rest of the sentence. At this point he’d give half of every paycheck for the creation of brain bleach.

    Tyler laughed. “Have a good time meeting your future lovers.”

    Dan picked up one of the shoes laying by the door, aiming it at his costar’s head. In his visions of fame, six year old Dan hadn’t accounted for the assholes that would become his colleagues and only friends. Which was more than a little depressing to think about, really. He wrinkled his nose as he stepped outside, heading towards his trailer.

    And they say to follow your dreams.

::

Wednesday 17:15

    The world looked a little better upside down. Phil’s mum had always been a big advocate for approaching problems from multiple angles, and though she probably hadn’t meant it literally he found it kind of relaxing to pretend he was a fruit bat whose biggest problems were surviving until the next night.

    His laptop was open to the audition application, name and email already filled in which was as far as he’d gotten before panicking. If he thought he could screw his head on enough to focus actually watching some of the episodes instead of relying on Tumblr’s slightly biased opinions would probably be a good place to start.

    From what he did know, Dan was playing Isak Valtersen, the main character of season three. Isak was gay and his storyline primarily revolved around accepting himself, coming out, and meeting Even. Dan was one of the original cast members, and from the numerous crying gifs on Tumblr was popular with the viewers.

    Even Bech Næsheim was Isak’s love interest, and that was basically all Phil knew about him. He’d skimmed the wikipedia page once out of curiosity and seen the film connection that Rosie had pointed out and a lot of gifs of Even and Isak kissing. Like a lot. Like so many he was already blushing thinking about having to do all of that with Dan.

    Phil had been an out and proud bisexual since he was twelve and had his share of boyfriends since then, so it wasn’t the thought of kissing another boy that had him so nervous. It was that the boy in question was Dan.

    Who, not that he was looking or anything but from a video he’d found of Dan making out with some girl from another movie, looked like he was a great kisser.

    He exhaled, puffing out his cheeks as he rolled right side up. The room spun, and he blinked a few times rapidly to try and unsuccessfully clear his head. He reached for his laptop, entering his password. The audition form loaded again, and he finished filling out his information and pressed send before he could angst about it again for another six hours. Now all that was left to do was wait.

::

Wednesday 19:23

   Dan was ready to implode and take the rest of the world with him. He didn’t understand how it was possible to make an improv scene about hiding a body boring, but most of the actors were finding a way. He slumped in his seat, sighing loudly enough for Nick to shoot him a dirty look. The director held two fingers and Dan gave his best impression of a ‘what the fuck is that supposed to mean’ face.

    Nick’s lips thinned. “Twenty two more people,” he said as Peter exited with a flourish. “And then we’re done.”

    Dan groaned. “That’s twenty two too many. And then a hundred more tomorrow.”

    “Have you see anyone you like?” Bertie asked before Nick could respond. Dan almost felt bad for him. The screenwriter spent a lot of his time smoothing things out between Nick and the rest of the cast. “They don’t have to be from today.”

    He shrugged. “Peter was okay.” He’d wrung a laugh out of him with his improv anyway, which was more than could be said for everyone else.

    “He went off script quickly,” Bertie said, flipping through his binder. “Since we’ve left casting Even five days before we start filming,” Dan cringed, sinking further into his seat. “It’s important whoever we cast can think on their feet.”

    “I’m going to let the next one in,” Nick said. “Try to look less like you’re being held against your will.”

    Dan rolled his pencil between his fingers, picking at the places where the wood had started to chip. Twenty two more people and he could go back to staring at the walls in his trailer. At least filming started soon, and even if everything else was going to shit at least that was something that still made sense.

::

Thursday 16:27

    Phil had moved three meters in the past two hours. The rest of the crowd snaked around the block and into the audition building, better looking and infinitely more talented candidates making excited conversation. He estimated there were still a good few hours before he reached the door, but he was already starting to feel ridiculously anxious. His nerves weren’t helped by the fact that despite leaving the flat with plenty of time to spare, he was the last one in line. He made a face, prying his fist open and wiping the sweat against his shirt.

    The crowd inched forwards.

    He jumped as his phone vibrated, a thumbs up from Rose and a gif of Dan in a beanie from Rosie. He smiled, the encouragement only slightly lessening the urge to throw up. He’d never been very good at job interviews and this was a million times worse.

    Then again, the application had had a lot of unusual questions so maybe the experience wouldn’t be as painful as he was anticipating. Only one of the questions asked about prior acting experience, and most of them were assessing with what he liked to do in his free time or if he had any social media accounts. He wasn’t sure how any of that was relevant to acting, exactly, but the less he had to advertise his faults the better.

    The line moved forwards, three centimeters, this time.

    Phil sighed, eyeing the pavement dubiously before sitting down. He had a feeling he was going to be here for awhile.

::

Thursday 18:43

    “I'm sure that in a parallel universe there's an Isak and an Even who're lying in the exact same way in the exact same place, only, like the curtains are a different color or something.”

    Mark was quiet. He met Dan’s gaze evenly, voice subdued. “So yellow curtains, then?”

    “Yeah.”

    A melancholy smile. “I think you’ve had enough jay now.”

    “Haven’t you ever thought about that?” Dan asked, trying to keep his tone wistful. He couldn’t be the only one that spent every night wide awake and imagining the other versions of himself in realities where he regretted his life a little less.

    “Yeah, but I guess I’m just starting to feel so...I don’t know. Lonely.”

    “It’s interesting though,” he insisted.

     Mark sighed heavily, shoulders slumping. “I don’t like it. Freaks me out.”

    “It freaks you out?”

    “Not freaked out like a horror movie, but like feeling alone. That sort of freaked out, I guess. That like it's your head it's you and your head and all of your thoughts.

    “Alone in your head, what do you mean?”

    “A ‘The Mind is Alone’ feeling.”     Dan frowned. “A what feeling? The mind is alone?”

    “Because the only thing that exists is you and your thoughts, right? You can't escape from your own thoughts, The only way to do that is to die.” Mark curled further in on himself, averting his gaze. Dan had a feeling he was trying to portray the heaviness of the dialogue, but he’d already started out the perfect picture of forlorn that he had limited ways to try and look more depressing.

    “That's dark, though.”

    “Yeah, but haven't you ever thought about that?”

    He did a double take. “No?”     Mark laughed, a more than a little bitter sound. “Jesus! I'd forgotten how young you are.”

    Dan’s smile was more of a grimace as he dropped his script on the table. Both Nick and Bertie were nodding appraisingly in Mark’s direction, and his heart sank. It was rare that the two ever agreed on anything, and it was looking more and more like Mark was going to get the part. He retreated to his seat, rolling the pencil between his fingers as Nick gave Mark the usual speech about expecting-a-call and -thanks-for-your-time.

    “Thanks!” Mark said cheerily. He shot Dan a bright smile, offering a wave. Dan returned the gestures with considerably less enthusiasm as the other boy left the room.

    “I think Mark is the best we’ve seen so far,” Bertie was saying. Dan tried to pretend he was interested.

    “I agree,” Nick said. “What do you think, Dan?”

    He hesitated. “Fine. Yeah, he was great.”

    The director and writer exchanged exasperated looks, which he thought was rather unfair. Sure he could be a little high maintenance sometimes (read, most of the time) but he didn’t have anything on someone like Jake Paul.

    “What didn’t you like about him?”

    “Nothing really. It’s just, don’t you think it should’ve had more lightheartedness?” Dan said in one breath. “In the beginning lines, at least. Isak and Even have spent all this time chasing after each other and trying to figure out what this connection is between them while all of these other tensions and pressures keep piling up until finally they kiss and realize that the idea of Isak-and-Even isn’t so crazy after all.”

     “And?”

    “And don’t you think after spending the night together and the way both of them feel free and safe enough to let their walls down that the morning after wouldn’t seem so much like someone died? And if the scene starts mellow there’s nowhere else to go.”

    Nick sighed, rubbing a hand over his beard. “You’re right,” he admitted. Dan tried not to fall off his seat in shock. “I noticed that too, but there’s never going to be a perfect actor that gets everything right the first time. Not even Meryl Streep. If you keep waiting for someone like that you’re never going to be happy.”

    “Maybe. I guess we’ll see.” Dan set his jaw, dropping his gaze to the table determinedly. There was a challenge if ever he’d heard one. Now he just had to hope the actor was out there that could prove him right.

::

Thursday 20:15

    Phil’s trainers squeaked against the floor as he followed the man into the audition hall. The sound was uncomfortably loud in the silence, and despite his nerves he was relieved when they finally reached the room. The man pushed the double doors open, entering without hesitation. He could make out the silhouettes of a table and two people sitting at the head, flanking the empty seat. They looked like they were engrossed in a conversation, pausing as Phil took a hesitant step forwards.

    The first thing he saw was Dan, head bent over his phone and dark curls soft where they fell against his forehead. The actor was wearing a biker jacket unzipped over a gray shirt and black skinny jeans, outfit complete with the bored and slightly tortured look on his face. Beside him was a blond haired man in glasses, and the red haired man who’d let him in.

    The latter cleared his throat, stepping forward with a practiced smile, “My name is Nicholas Young and I’m the director of SKAM Britain. This is Bertie Gilbert, our screenwriter. And of course, Daniel Howell who plays Isak Valtersen.”

    Phil wet his lips reflexively, trying for a smile. “Hi. I’m Phil, it’s nice to meet you.” Dan looked up at his response, and he almost wished he hadn’t because wow. He’d never really understood the whole ‘the eyes are everything’ shtick everyone was always on about in the movies, but clearly he hadn’t been around the right people.

    “We’re glad you could make it,” Bertie said. He pulled one of the empty chairs away from the table and Phil took a seat, unable to resist glancing back in Dan’s direction. The other boy was still staring back and he dropped his gaze, face warm.

    “As you know,” Nick took over. “Skam is unusual in how interactive it is. It’s not just a show, it’s an experience.” Dan snorted quietly, and Phil smiled despite himself. “Clips are released in real time, and filming and writing can be very intensive to meet the deadlines. The characters have real social media accounts, and pictures need to be shot outside of filming. Even doesn’t have an Instagram, but you’ll be required to be in Isak’s photos as well as some groups shots and promo pictures. The point is, this is not a commitment to be taken lightly and we’re only looking for candidates that will invest the time and effort necessary for an experience this time consuming.”

    “Okay,” Phil said weakly.

    Bertie flashed him what he assumed was supposed to be a reassuring thumbs up. “Just focus on the audition for now. You’ve got this.”

    Actually Phil was becoming more and more convinced he didn’t got this, but he nodded anyway.

    “We’ll start with a short reading of one of the scenes to warm up,” Nick said. “Followed by an improv and a final read through with Dan.” He pushed the stack of papers Phil’s direction. “It’s in order.”

    Phil shuffled the stack, scanning the first page. A hotel room. EVEN is eating a mini burger. His energy is infectious, almost too much so.

    “Whenever you’re ready, Phil,” Bertie said.

    He relaxed his death grip where it was starting to wrinkle the script, nerves back with a vengeance. He let his eyes drift shut, envisioning the walls of a hotel building around him.

    Even was feeling on top of the world, Isak sitting across from him. Affection overtook him at the sight, knocking him off his feet and dissolving his expression into a smile. After everything they were finally here, and maybe it wasn’t going to last forever but he’d be damned if he wasn’t going to keep it for as long as he could.

    His eyes snapped open. He met the other boy’s gaze with a smile.

    “You don’t think we’ll get married?” he asked, surprise mingling with genuine fondness. It had become impossible to do anything without feeling ridiculously, stupidly, improbably in love. “We’re so fucking getting married.”

::

Thursday 20:45

    The door slammed shut as Phil left the room, Nick taking the now empty seat across the table. Bertie had left a few minutes ago for a meeting, and Dan steeled himself for the impending interrogation. Strangely, the prospect didn’t bother him as much as it normally would’ve, black hair and a bright smile lingering every time he closed his eyes.

    Fuck.

    “Now that auditions are finally finished, who did you connect with the most?” Nick asked, cutting straight to the point.

    Dan hesitated. (Phil, his brain helpfully supplied in the pause. You want Phil, possibly in more ways than one. He told it to shut up.) “I don’t know. They all seemed like good candidates.”

    Nick released a long suffering sigh. “The original season three of Skam was what brought it to international prominence. If we want to replicate that success in any way we need to make sure you’re comfortable with whoever plays Even. I still think Mark seems like a good choice.”

    The thing was, deep down he knew Nick was right. Mark had already made a name for himself and had plenty of experience. He or someone with his background would be the obvious choice. Not some gangly eighteen year old who hadn’t acted since he was six. But even though Mark was fine and his audition had been fine there was something missing.

    Auditioning for Skam was one of the first things Dan had ever done for himself, and despite living the acting dream and getting to work with his friends everyday between his success and the popularity of the show his career was becoming yet another thing he was losing control over. Picking the Even he wanted seemed in some small, pathetic way like he was taking over his life again.

    There was the whisper of a laugh again, tongue poking out the side of Phil’s smile as he looked at Dan. And while he knew it was just Even looking at Isak and it didn’t mean anything, suddenly he felt more real than he had in a long time and really there was no dilemma was there?

    “Phil Lester,” he said. “I felt the most chemistry with him.”

    He held his breath, waiting for Nick to say something disparaging, but to his surprise the other man merely looked contemplative. “Hmm. You two did have a natural connection and your chemistry was very good, but he doesn’t have any acting experience.”

    “The sign up sheet said he didn’t have to,” Dan argued. “A lot of us don’t, and that’s part of why people connect with it so much. It feels authentic--there isn’t any of the polish or glamour from the industry. And it seemed like he already really understood the character in just a few hours.”

    “Okay,” Nick said, expression contorted like he was making a life or death decision and he’d chosen death. “Fine. If that’s what you want and Bertie agrees, Phil Lester can be your Even.” He narrowed his eyes, finger jabbing Dan in the chest. “But you better prove me right.”

    It was ridiculous how much Dan had to fight the urge to smile. “I will,” he promised. He waited until Nick had left the room before letting his grin split his face. A laugh escaped before he could stop it, relief and adrenaline coloring it slightly hysterical. He’d done it--he’d finally found an Even.

    His steps were light as he ran towards the door, knocking Carrie down the stairs where she was waiting outside with PJ. Not even the fact that it looked like they’d been talking about him was enough to dampen his mood.

    PJ helped the girl to her feet, giving him a suspicious look. “What’s got you so happy?”

    “Can’t I smile sometimes?” he protested.

    “Not like that.”

    “I agree,” Carrie chimed in. “Black clothes and gallows humor is more your style.”

    Dan would be more offended, but they were kind of right. He’d known PJ and Carrie since the start of Skam, as they were two of the original cast members. PJ played Jonas, Isak’s best friend, and Carrie played Vilde, one of the main recurring female characters. By this point they’d known each other so long it was impossible to get anything past them. “I hate you both.”

    She patted his back. “We love you too.”

    He glared at her. “I hope you both get eaten by a moth.”

    “Are you going to tell us what’s going on?” PJ interrupted, looking at him expectantly.

    Part of Dan was tempted to leave them guessing, but he really was excited. “I found an Even.” A moment of stunned silence.

    Carrie unfroze first. “You found an Even!” she shouted, pulling him into a hug. “That’s amazing!”

    PJ clapped him on the back, more reserved but smile wide. “Who is it?”

    “Phil Lester,” Dan said once Carrie had released him and he could breathe again. “He’s eighteen and from Rawtenstall. He read the hotel scene and we did yellow curtains again but it just worked this time.”

   “What does he look like?”

    “Tall. Like, I know I’m freakishly tall but he might be a little taller actually. Black hair, his eyes are like a blue, green, yellow shade?”

    “Isak and Even together at last,” PJ said seriously. “And you and Phil really sound like you have chemistry. The sexual tension is essential.”

    “What color are his eyes again?” Carrie asked innocently.

    Dan rolled his eyes. “How are you and Chris getting along Carrie?” he asked pointedly. “Or PJ and--who is it you’re with now?”

    “You’re deflecting,” she said. “And for the record, Chris is lovely. We haven’t spent that much time together so far but I’m sure that’ll change once we start filming.” She threw an arm around his shoulders. “Seriously though, I’m happy for you. And that my job is safe for another six months.”

     It was starting to become stupid how he couldn’t stop smiling, and once the shock wore off he was sure he’d revert to his usual state of dark nothing, but for once he shut off his brain and reveled in the feeling. “Yeah, well, I’m happy for me too.” It wasn’t a lie in the slightest.

::

Friday 15:16

   Phil was trying to pretend he wasn’t staring at his phone waiting for it to ring. His English teacher was giving a lecture about the final paper that he should probably be listening too, but instead he was staring at his empty notifications. The longer the day went on the more convinced he was that he hadn’t gotten the part. It stung more than he thought it would’ve.

   He’d spent the entire day fielding questions from his friends and hiding in the bathroom, hating that he was so excited. He’d even watched the first four episodes of the original Skam last night and started the first two of Skam Britain, and found that he actually enjoyed it far more than he thought he would’ve. Granted, Dan was in the British version so he would always be slightly biased towards that, but there was definitely an appeal in the original version that made him understand its success.

    His phone rang on the table beside him, vibrating against his pencil and sending it rolling to the floor. Phil ducked his head, reaching to silence it. He froze.

    It was an unknown caller.

    His heart leaped into his throat, chair squeaking across the tiles as he bolted for the door. The pencil would have to wait. “Sorry,” he said, pausing long enough to meet the dumbfounded expressions of his classmates. “I have to take this.” His hands were shaking as he pressed answer, sinking onto one of the benches lining the hall. “Hello?

    “Is this Phil?”

    “Yes?”

    “This is Marie from Skam Britain. I’m calling to inform you that you’ve received the part of Even Bech Næsheim in our upcoming season. Congratulations!”

    The phone clattered to the ground. Phil scrambled to recover it, his cheeks starting to hurt with the force of his grin. His brain was starting to short circuit, thoughts frozen somewhere between received the part and congratulations. “Thank you!” he blurted, elation lifting his words into something nonsensical.  

    Marie huffed. “You’re welcome, I guess?” she said, humor lacing her voice. “From what I can tell you’ve earned it.” Phil couldn’t bite back his smile this time at her words, and settled instead for leaning against the back of the bench and listening. “Filming starts Tuesday, but we want you and Dan to spend Sunday together if you’re available?”

    “Yes!” he said, trying unsuccessfully to curb his excitement and sound professional. “That works great.”

    “I’ll email you the address and more information, but welcome to the cast.”

[leirathemartian]

Am I too old for tag lists? :P

@raesand tagged me and I’m kind of in a procrastinating depression funk, so why not. 

basics what’s your name ➔ Hayley do you have a nickname ➔ nope, although a lot of people call me Leira do you have a middle name ➔ mmm too much sharing do you like your name ➔ It’s ok do people often mispronounce your name ➔ No, but they almost always misspell it  do you like the meaning of your name ➔ Well. The Anglo-Saxon meaning is pretty boring (”hay meadow”) but when I was a kid I was told/had a cross-stitch thing that said it meant “Lover of the sea” and I really like that. when is your birthday ➔ 11/22 how old are you ➔ 25 do you like your age ➔ Honestly, I don’t know. Every age has its pros and cons, I guess. I miss not being as stressed when I was a teenager, but I haaated high school. So, I don’t know. It’s stressful because I’m working on graduating and then I’ll have to get a job and be, like, a real adult and shit. what’s your zodiac sign ➔ Scorpio/Sagittarius cusp apparently

appearance what’s your hair colour ➔  Light brown/dark blonde is your current hair colour your natural hair colour ➔ Sort of, but the ends are bright blond do you dye your hair ➔ Yeah every so often I enjoy changing it up do you have natural highlights ➔ I did when my hair was long enough for it to absorb sun before I cut it off when was the last time you had a haircut ➔ A couple months. I need one, badly, lol what length is your hair right now ➔ Longish pixie do you have straight, wavy or curly hair ➔ Wavy/curly do you have frizzy hair ➔ 100%. It’s better than when it was long, though do you use a curling iron ➔ No do you use a hair straightener ➔ No do you braid your hair ➔ Sometimes. Used to all the time when it was long what’s your eye colour ➔ blue do your eyes change colour ➔ lol no 

do you wear contacts ➔ Only when I’m dressed up/being active if so, do you use colour contacts or regular contacts ➔ Regular do you wear glasses ➔ Indeed do you have naturally long eyelashes ➔ Mmmm not really do you wear braces ➔ Nope do you have dimples ➔ Nope do you have moles ➔ All of them do you have outstanding cheekbones ➔ Lol no my face is too round to have outstanding features. I also have no chin. do you have freckles ➔ Yes indeedy do you have piercings ➔ 8, all in my ears. Two lobe piercings, helix, daith, tragus, flat. do you have tattoos ➔ Yup, I have a Water Tribe tattoo do you wear make up ➔ Occasionally do you paint your nails ➔ Yes, fairly often do you wear jewelry ➔ Well, I always wear earrings. Plus usually my wedding band and an ourobouros ring. are you happy with your height ➔ It’s fine personality would you consider yourself outgoing or shy ➔ Neither  are you sarcastic  ➔ It’s my love language what’s your biggest fear ➔ Failure. Also heights and snakes, which are my actual phobias. are you religious ➔ Not anymore do you get easily along with people ➔ Ehhh. Depends on the person. do you cry easily ➔ Sadly

school do you go to middle school ➔ No do you go to high school ➔ No do you go to a private school ➔ No are you home schooled ➔ I used to be have you graduated from school ➔ From many schools, lol.  what grade are you in ➔ Errrr. 5th year PhD student so... 21st?

have you skipped a grade ➔ Yes, I skipped 7th grade. It was a bad idea, I wasn’t socially prepared for going to college early. have you been held back a grade ➔ No have you ever failed a class  ➔ I got a C- the first time I took Fluid Mechanics, which is failing in grad school, although I maintain that was because of bad teaching, because when I retook it I easily got an A.

have you been sent to the principals office ➔ Homeschool doesn’t have principals :P

have you skipped school ➔ A lot in college/grad school, usually for mental health reasons have you cheated on a test ➔ Not that I can remember

family do you live with your biological parents ➔ dear god no not anymore do you get along with your parents ➔ Ehhh. My mom and I are good, but my dad still likes to try to control me. do you tell your parents everything ➔ Fuck no. do you have strict parents ➔ Yes.

do you have siblings ➔ Two brothers are you the oldest ➔ Yes. are you in the middle ➔ ... are you the youngest ➔ ... are all of your grandparents still alive ➔ No, one of my grandfathers is dead friendships do you have a best friend ➔ I do! Friends since we were 12. And my husband is up there too. do you have more than 10 friends ➔ I don’t think so, not close ones anyway. do you have at least 2 friends you can trust with your life ➔ Yeah, probably do you have a lot of guy friends, a lot of girl friends or equal girl and guy friends ➔ Mmmm.... slightly more women. do you text with your friends a lot ➔ Not particularly relationships what’s your relationship status ➔ Married have you ever been in love ➔ Quite a lot do you believe in love at first sight ➔ I love all animals at first sight :P

have you ever been in a relationship ➔ Am in one, lol have you ever had a secret admirer ➔ I don’t think so. Been one, though. have you ever been asked out on a date ➔ Yup!

have you ever been kissed ➔ Yes have you ever made out with someone ➔ Yes have you ever been cheated on ➔ Also yes, he was an asshole have you ever been proposed to ➔ Yes do you want to get married ➔ I’d hope so, since I am do you want kids ➔ Eventually, once I have a real job country where were you born ➔ USA where do you live right now ➔ USA have you ever been out of the country ➔ Not as much as I’d like but yes. do you prefer country or city ➔ Country do you like sightseeing ➔ Haha yes, I am unashamed that I enjoy being a tourist is one or more of your parents from another country ➔ No what places would you like to visit  ➔ I’d like to go back to Scotland/Ireland. Also Iceland, Sweden, Thailand, South Korea, Greece, .... etc. are you fluent in more than one language ➔ Sadly, no. what languages can you speak ➔ English and I still retain enough Spanish to say hi to someone/read signs. Same with French. I know a tiny bit of Swedish.

health do you have any allergies ➔ No are you lactose intolerant ➔ Slightly. I have IBS and sometimes it’s a trigger. IT depends on the amount. have you had surgery ➔ Fix a broken elbow, another to fix a deviated septum have you had stitches ➔ Not that I can remember have you broken a bone ➔ Said elbow has someone close to you died of a disease ➔ My grandfather died of cancer do you exercise a lot  ➔ Hahahahaha no. I used to LARP/do archery, but sadly drama ruined that for me. I also many moons ago rode horses (and owned them!) but now I’m poor. experiences have you ever had a near death experience ➔ No have you ever been on a plane ➔ Yup quite a lot have you ever had an allnighter ➔ God no. I need a lot of sleep. have you ever been to school/work after a sleepless night ➔ Yeah have you ever been in a physical fight ➔ See above re LARP. We literally hit each other for fun. Also, used to do Muay Thai. have you ever been to a wedding ➔ Yes, including my own, lol.  have you ever been to a funeral ➔ Yes have you ever lived in a different country ➔ Maybe one day have you ever been drunk ➔ Ugh yes. Lately every time it gives me a migraine, though. have you ever been trick or treating ➔ Yes, I miss being a kid and so that wasn’t weird. :’D have you ever been in a school play ➔ Yes, I was a theater kid in high school have you ever been to a camp ➔ Horseback riding camp have you ever driven a car ➔ Own one, so quite often skills how many languages are you fluent in ➔ One have you ever read a book in another language ➔ Does Beowulf count? can you roll your tongue ➔ Yes can you braid hair ➔ Yes. Regular, french, dutch, and fishtail. can you do a handstand ➔ Haha no, I’m fat and unathletic. habits do you crack your knuckles ➔ Mhm do you bite your nails ➔ You caught me doing it right now do you bite your lips ➔ Sometimes, I’m an anxious biter/skin picker

favourites

what’s your favourite movie ➔ Hmmmm. I honestly don’t know. Star Wars is up there. what’s your favourite tv show ➔ Avatar, Parks and Rec, Steven Universe, House what’s your favourite book ➔ Hahahahahaha I have like, no joking, 50 favorite books. It would be easier to do favorite authors: N.K. Jemisin, Ann Leckie, Tolkien, Robert Jordan, Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman, Jacqueline Carey, Brandon Sanderson, Douglas Adams, Robin Hobb, Margaret Atwood... ok I’ll stop there. I’ll put it this way. I regularly read 150-200 books a year so there’s a lot I like. what’s your favourite song ➔ I don’t really have one, I guess. what’s your favourite colour ➔ Purples/blues what’s your favourite animal ➔ Catsssss what’s your favourite season ➔ Autumn!

this or that summer or winter ➔ Winter, I love the cold and hate the heat. It’s miserable right now and humid as fuck.

day or night ➔ Ehhh I mean I’m always exhausted so. Neither :P cats or dogs ➔ Cats but I also love dogs. rain or shine ➔ A balance of both. coffee or tea ➔ Coffee. Black. reading or writing ➔ See above re reading 200 books a year. Lol. I mostly associate writing with work. humorous or serious ➔ Humorous, especially with TV

brown or blue eyes ➔ Idk eyes are pretty

single or group dates ➔ Meh kind of over dates. I’d rather hang out with friends and play board games. texts or calls ➔ Texts. Calls exacerbate my anxiety. driving or walking ➔ Driving. I’m lazy. last

last phone call ➔ My vet checking on my cat, who has a cold. Lol. last text ➔ My dad asking me to come down tomorrow last song you listened to ➔ Something from the Star Wars soundtrack last thing you ate ➔ Chicken curry. last thing you drank ➔  Water. I’m boring. last purchase  ➔ Chips and dip last time you cleaned your room ➔ Couple days ago, I guess?

People to Tag I have no idea, lol

[cristixntm]

𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭  𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐧.

[ XAVIER SERRANO / POLYTROPOS / CAERUS / MUSE 36 ] / [ CRISTIANO MONTERO ] is a [ TWENTY-ONE ] year old [ BUSINESS ADMINISTRATION ] major. [ HE ] is known for being [ CHARMING & CLEVER ] but [ INSOUCIANT & INSENSITIVE ].  when i think of them, i imagine [ A CHEEKY WINK FROM ACROSS THE BAR, LATE NIGHT ‘U UP?’ TEXTS, THE CLENCH OF A JAW BEHIND A COCKY SMIRK, RICH BOYS DON’T HAVE HEARTS ]. and even though they’re a proud HU student now, we all have our roots. theirs run back to them being a [ MHP ( AQUA ) ] graduate.  i asked around and it turns out they [ AREN’T ] an AOP student. in their interview, they managed to woo the admissions team by [ PRESENTING A FIVE-FIGURE INVESTMENT PORTFOLIO THAT WAS STARTED FROM $10 ]. i guess that’s all there is to know! unless…

howdy hey frands! i’m jocey ( 24, she/her, est ) & this is my trash son, cristian. not me reusing an old intro and still getting this up late……. mmYEP luv that for me! if you would like to plot, hit that like button & i’ll come your way or feel free to hmu on discord ( jocey#9154 ).

full name : cristiano javier montero de barra nickname : mostly goes by cristian age : twenty-one sexuality : heterosexual hometown : madrid, spain / los angeles, california high school : marble hill prep ( aqua house ) HU house : polytropos major : business administration extracurriculars : eleusinian circle ( legacy ), soccer ( centre forward )

cristian is the second and youngest born to javier montero and alisa de barra. his dad is the CEO of montero properties, the developer behind many big name casinos and resorts around the world, while his mom is an actress who starred in several spanish telenovelas and hollywood films.

originating from spain, the montero family had always been a familiar face in the media, with both cristian and his older sister having large followings on social media. the montero’s had a reputation for living extravagantly and lavishly, and often flaunted their 1% status.

out of the whole family, arguably the one with the most controversial reputation was cristian — one of the heirs to the montero fortune, fuckboy extraordinaire with an impressively long list of ex lovers, and all around entitled trust fund brat ( whEW hate that!! ). taking full advantage of his family name, he was always seen at the exclusive events and partying, even hooking up, with some well-known names.

but with the family name also came the expectation to be the picture perfect son and the responsibility to carry on the family legacy. unfortunately, parents never quite get exactly what they hoped for from their children, do they?

if there’s one thing you should know about cristian is that he will never do anything if he felt forced into it. his parents learned early on that hiring a good PR team and shipping their son off to a boarding school ( marble hill prep ) was easier than forcing him to behave. the fact that cristian’s dad was a MHP and HU alum and the montero’s family were big donors might have helped to keep him from getting expelled on one or two occasions.

still, to some extent, cristian did the bare minimum just to keep his parents off his back and his bank account essentially bottomless. he got good grades ( whether it was completely based on his own merits was a different story ), showed up to important events ( granted he was always drunk and late ), and charmed the pants off of interviewers and his admirers ( sometimes quite literally ).

attending hatchett unversity was just another thing that he did to keep his trust fund ( or so he says ). and who was he to turn down the good ol’ college experience? it was also the perfect way to keep his side business ( read: drug ring ) going.

running a boarding school turned college drug ring was never exactly something he’d planned on doing. like with most things in cristian’s life, the opportunity sort of just fell into his lap and he decided to run with it. call it a bored rich kid thing, but there was just something about earning his own cash in such a risky way that made it that much sweeter.

while those who know cristian may be aware of his connection to this drug ring, most assume that he’s just dealing and/or using his rich boi connections to bring in customers. only a select few know that he’s actually the brains behind the surprisingly well thought-out operation, and he prefers to keep it that way.

cavalier fuckboy with a heart of gold… ( underneath a shit ton of asshole layers, that is ) basically summed up cristian. he always puts out this very lazy, devil-may-care image of himself, and acts like someone who could not give two shits about anyone other than himself. call him a selfish asshole and he’d probably agree with you. but when it comes to his closest friends, the ones he considered to be his real family, there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for them.

most write cristian off as this spoiled, reckless and directionless loose cannon, who maybe had one braincell on a good day. but underneath it all, he’s a lot smarter and more calculating than many people give him credit for and believe it or not, actually does think things through. but he believed that expectations just led to disappointment, so it was better to not have anyone expect anything of you. hence the perfected facade he’s kept up for as long as he could remember.

he is, however, not so smart when it comes to his love life and is notoriously bad at juggling his booty calls. as in, getting all their names mixed up, and running into a booty call number three, who he’d ghosted, when he was with booty call number five. but then again… could it all just be an act to get out of any and all potential relationships? who knows?

WANTED CONNECTIONS. most connections are open to multiple people filling it, unless it’s crossed out. and ofc i’m always open to any ideas not listed here!

RICH BOI SQUAD ━  they’re those guys. the popular, rowdy bros who are always seen together, they throw the best parties and cause a bunch of mayhem together. honestly just a bunch of obnoxious alpha dudes who think they’re hot shit.  taken by kennedy king

#1 SINCE DAY 1  ━  cristian’s best bro since the beginning of time ( or close enough ), who’s been there through all of his constant shenanigans and wild times.  taken by felix könig

BEST GAL PAL  ━  probably one of the few girls cristian’s managed to not try to hook-up with, or constantly flirt with. someone who helps him remember the names of all the girls he’s hooked up with plz lol. it’s rare that he’s protective over someone, but he’d absolutely throw hands for her if needed.  taken by caroline fitzgerald

CONFIDANT  ━  someone who actually knows cristian very well and sees through his lazy rich boy act. one of the very few people who he’s completely opened up to and genuinely cares about not fucking up their friendship.  taken by florence trask

MOM FRIEND  ━  basically a mama bear who looks out for cristian and may be one of the few people he actually listens to. doubles as his moral conscience/good influence when he wants to do dumb rich boy things.  taken by giada vitale

PSEUDO SIBLING  ━  they have a sibling-like relationship, where he’ll annoy them sometimes and they mom friend him. but they’re always looking out for each other.  taken by odette könig

CHILDHOOD FRIEND  ━  someone he grew up with. they could still be friends to this day, maybe they grew apart, or maybe they never really clicked.

UNLIKELY FRIEND  ━  the last person you’d expect to be friends with cristian. possibly met during a school project or something, and they realized that he’s… actually… not that bad?? despite what everyone says about him and his reputation, y/m sees that he’s not really as big of an asshole as he comes off and is actually kind of tolerable one on one. kind of.  taken by dorian garcia

FAVOURITE ANNOYANCE  ━  they got on cristian’s nerves at first, but eventually, they grew on them. whether he admits it or not, they do have some kind of friendship and deep down, he does enjoy their company.  taken by astrid mae

DEALERS  ━  basically dealers who work for cristian, who is the supplier. he may seem like a clueless hot mess, but rest assured, he takes care of his own. as long as that loyalty is returned.  taken by felix könig

ON & OFF  ━  cristian has had a lot of flings and hook-ups, but this person has been the one constant in his life. their “relationship” ( if you can call it that ) is kinda messy because he ( and maybe she as well? ) won’t commit, but is also surprisingly chill.

HOOK-UPS / FWBS  ━  whether you like cristian or not, people can’t really deny that he’s good-looking rip. he’s known to have a bit of a roster of girls that he hits with those late night booty-calls/texts.  taken by diana radcliffe

PAST HOOK-UPS / FWBS / ONE NIGHT STANDS  ━  homeboy has been around the block and back more times than he can count on two hands, so he’s definitely got a long list of ex-luvas. especially ones who hate him cuz he’s the worst™.  taken by isadora banks, daphne moon

ENEMIES  ━  cristian’s the kind of guy who easily has a lot of people who don’t like him. he practically has no filter, so his big mouth and careless words are bound to rub some people the wrong way. or maybe he screwed y/m over to save his own ass.  taken by belinda torres, camille jung

[mentaldisordercartooncharac-blog]

The trickiest thing about tumblr is its level of anonymity, and the ability it gives a person to not be entirely truthful about who they are. You can be whoever you want to be! Nobody will know. You can roleplay anyone and no one can question you. In most cases, this is a good thing. Protecting one’s privacy is important, especially online. But in a lot of cases, it creates awkward situations where you might need to question the legitimacy of someone’s claim because they’re dropping red flags that they’re lying just to have an excuse to be abusive and avoid criticism, but in doing so you risk being labeled -phobic or -ist or a horrible person in general for daring to invalidate someone’s experience or abuse.

so when I see someone throwing a tantrum all over ship tags and equating shippers with pedophiles, while blatantly misusing that word in the same sentence as claiming to be CSA survivors themselves, that really makes me doubt that they’re being entirely truthful about their trauma, and that they’re likely just making up some story out of the mistaken assumption it will add some legitimacy to their false accusations. If you were really a victim of child sexual abuse, you wouldn’t belittle it so candidly just for a cheap attempt at policing strangers on the internet, you wouldn’t exploit it as a manipulation tactic, and you’d have a little more respect for the term (and actual survivors of it) and use it appropriately.

that goes for the transtrender thing too. Believe it or not, I dislike transphobes and terfs as much as the next guy, but when it seems like being a trans guy is the new iteration of last decade’s empty boast of “not like other girls”, and then seeing so many teenagers on here who have clearly never experienced dysphoria in their lives and are solely using that identity as a means to shit on girls for shipping the wrong ship and backing up their reasoning with “well AS A GAY MAN~~ I’M TELLING YOU HOW STUPID YOU ARE BECAUSE I’M TOTALLY A GAY MAN THEREFORE I’M THE ULTIMATE AUTHORITY ON GAY MEN,” you’ll see why I’m so doubtful of a lot of people about who they claim to be. I doubt actual trans men would dedicate such a large portion of their leisure time to yelling at strangers on the internet over inane trivia, because I’m assuming they’d have bigger fish to fry, and actual real life problems to worry about. And probably also a considerable level of empathy on the subject of bullying and harassment, so…needless to say, that sort of behavior would likely be, erm…beneath them. Also, maybe let’s not appropriate that identity, because I imagine it’s demeaning to actual trans guys and the shit they’ve had to go through when all you’ve done is tapped off a hasty afterthought of pronouns in your bio and then assume to speak for them.

There’s also the implication it carries that it’s apparently a lot more beneficial on this site to be othergendered than it is to be female, that we’re still stuck in this shitty online culture where being female is still considered unfashionable and the Absolute Worst Possible Thing a person can be and that claiming to be anything but female is ideal, but that’s a conversation for another time. It’s just, illuminating, I suppose. 

Don’t think I don’t feel bad for pointing this out. I really don’t intend to invalidate anyone’s identity or past abuse, but when it seems like most of you are simply using those labels as weapons for the lone purpose of being huge steaming shitbags to people in fan spaces, you’ll understand why I can’t really take anyone seriously, and why my knee-jerk reaction on this site is to immediately disbelieve that anyone is really who they say they are and not just catfishing for catfishing’s sake. It’s a red flag that goes up whenever someone makes claims as to their identity or education or general worldly experience, when everything about their personality and claims suggest otherwise. Like CSA survivors misusing the word pedophilia, presumed law students making serious accusations of federal crimes with absolutely no evidence to corroborate it, trans people whose only motivation to be on this site is bullying and harassment. 

Pardon if I’m way off base here, I don’t mean to assume what might be considered “normal” behavior for any of these groups of people, but these traits seem a little out of character for those identities, so you’ll forgive me for my skepticism. I think a lot of people here are exaggerating a little about who they say they are. I know it must have been unpleasant, but accidentally stumbling across your parents’ porn stash doesn’t make you a CSA survivor. Occasionally attending a paralegal night class at your local community college for burnouts and recent divorcees doesn’t make you a law student. If you really want to make a convincing case for any of these things that you kids are impersonating, you need to start…well, playing the part a little more convincingly. You’re too obvious in your lie. 

So just a little litmus test the next time you find yourself arrogantly opening any rebuttal with “As a _______, I’m telling you with unassailable authority that you’re wrong/immoral/harmful for liking this thing”, perhaps delete that and try again with something a little more substantial. Because for any of you that haven’t yet made it to sophomore-level debate class, that is a fallacy called “Appeal to Authority,” and it fails from the start because it assumes an individual’s dubious claim on an identity/experience gives them justification to speak for all people in that group. 

This is flawed because it doesn’t rule out the imperfections of personal bias or intersectionality. Instead of using your identity to condescendingly explain why you’re right, try using factual evidence or actual statistics from reliable sources and studies rather than anecdotal evidence. We’re in a post-truth world now (in case any of you haven’t peeked out from under the tumblr-echo-chamber-induced rock you all obviously like to hide under and haven’t noticed), and you’d do best to not contribute to it if you want anyone to take you even remotely seriously when you claim to represent the rights of all those innocents and Others that make up the downtrodden minority of society. Just remember, anecdotal evidence cannot be proven, and it’s useless because literally anyone can just make up some bullshit and apply it to a situation to make themselves look right. 

You know who else does this? Donald Trump. Donald Trump and his lackeys. This little missive is directed mostly at fandom antis, but this can apply to anyone on here who claims to be of any left-leaning persuasion: maybe don’t do that, because you start looking like the very people you claim to oppose, and it weakens every argument you’ll ever make. And I have faith in all of you, that you’re better than that. That you’re smarter than that. Even if your anecdotal evidence is true, it’s inadmissible because it can’t be proven. And it shouldn’t be, for that matter, because you don’t owe that to anyone. All it’s going to do is result in some asshole at some point coming out with their own anecdotal data that’s made up or highly embellished for the sole purpose of belittling yours, and then you’re at an impasse because A) you just spilled your most painful, humiliating memories in vain and B) you either have to acknowledge both accounts or acknowledge neither, and everybody loses. You’ve achieved nothing.

So we’re not here to play oppression olympics or win edgiest blogger award. There’s this really gross thing about tumblr where people are pressured into exposing their traumatic histories and deeply personal information in order to validate enjoyment of their fucking hobbies, and in turn it inspires the children harassing them to “beat the score” or whatever, and that’s when you have them firing back with really dubious accounts of their own, more seriouser trauma that makes them totally righter than you!!! (and is in actuality just a regurgitation of a Law & Order episode they saw once, and very obviously never fucking happened). Fake Tumblr Stories are everywhere, we all know this, we’ve all encountered plenty, but you’re not allowed to question the veracity of any of them or you risk being labeled an abuse apologist or victim blamer or something.

That’s fucking psychotic. Someone shouldn’t have to bleed their darkest moments to some snot-nosed 16 year old brat just to keep from being harassed or falsely reported as a pedophile, and some asshole who arrogantly self-identifies as the fucking moral police shouldn’t be so obsessed with getting the last word on trivial nonsense that they feel obligated to play this woker-than-thou pissing contest with people who have experienced *actual* trauma. I mean, do you kids not see how completely unhinged this behavior is? You children need to be fucking sedated. You’re goddamn nuts. I fear for the day we have to rely on you assholes in the job market, because you’re just gunna fuck everything up. You’ll always be failures. You’ll make a trainwreck of everything.

For lack of a better word,

Yikes. 

Anyway, the point is just a reminder that your identity shouldn’t be relevant when you’re trying to prove a logical point or have any of your arguments taken seriously, if you really are right or justified in your stance. If your argument has any basis in sustainable fact, then your gender/orientation/mental illness/personal history will have no impact whatsoever. So lying about them really isn’t worth it and gains nothing. Just be yourself! I know at the tender ages of ~14-20 you’re desperate to be recognized for how unique you are and you’re struggling to be celebrated as a special individual when you’ve done absolutely nothing, but realistically…that’s a pretty tall order, there are like 7 billion people on the planet, so nothing you can make up about yourself will ever really be that impressive. Stop trying so hard and enjoy your fucking childhood.

And if you find you can’t make a stable argument without using a desperate appeal to authority like that, then maybe you should reassess your stance on things because chances are, it’s because you’re wrong. 

[hsuoring]

Rant about parenting from someone with OCD... (mainly in favor of it)

Hi, I’m a young woman with OCD and anxiety. Knowing this, I’m sure you can take a guess how much I appreciate the recent self-depreciating or self-inflating mindsetw about parenting, coupled with the pretentious child-free people who think parents are absolute idiots: the only two sides of the spectrum that have ever chosen to speak up and put their thoughts in writing. I think, regardless of all the media I’ve consumed in my life by growing up in the digital age, that the public commentary on parenting as of late has left more scars- more fear, guilt, and pangs of emptiness and cluelessness- than anything else. The commentary on choosing whether to have a family has been overwhelmingly toxic, negative, insulting, and nosy from every side of the discussion. I’ve never been more convinced that people really can’t mind their own business around here. Where are the people saying shit will be okay? Nowhere, because things that aren’t extraordinarily wonderful or horrible just do not make the news. All I see is “my friends don’t visit me anymore and judge me for not buying designer baby shoes.” Are these actually real people? Who the fuck buys designer baby shoes?! Do you have to be a demigod to realize how fast babies grow? I absolutely fucking hate it. Here is something in my life that I do not know if I want, but think I do, that is being absolutely smeared as a life-ending experience for all these weird as fuck reasons. Telling me it’s the “worst job I’ll ever love” and bullshit Nanny Diaries phrases like that does not help me, mind you. I really, really wish I could talk casually about what it’s like to be a parent. Because I think I might be a good parent to one child. Not perfect, but good. I was raised well (I respected my parents’ style), and I watched my little cousins get raised well to the point of inspiration. Kids have always liked and respected me even when I resented them. I don’t want a child for selfish reasons, or to project myself onto them, or to fill a void, or to save a relationship, or for “fun.” I want to answer their questions, teach them how to be a respectful and imaginative person, rediscover the world with them, watch them grow, let them learn, and show them that there are a million different ways you can be happy in life. Is that enough to be a good parent? Will that desire alone rob me of being an individual? I just don’t see how that could be possible. I know it will be hard. I know I won’t sleep at first, I know I won’t be able to “go out” (WHERE were all these people allegedly “going” all the time before a kid, anyway? Peru??? I really want to know this), I know they’ll make me pissed at their helplessness (lots of things do). I know not to spoil, I know to instill lessons of managing money and helping around the house, I know how to be patient with emotions, I hate going to restaurants and movies and all that anyway (I hear “you’ll have no free time” and I think, I won’t be able to watch videos on my computer while making noodles???) so no loss there... I’m a homebody in general. I only want to travel to Japan and plan on doing so before having a family anyway. Does that help? Is that enough? I genuinely want to know if the fact that I don’t think I can even relate to any of the common personal “struggles” in the first place is a good sign. I’m worried about a horrible OCD spike and PPD. Very, very worried. But not worried enough to let that win.  I hate this because OCD makes every risk seem like the end of the line as it is, and you’re expected to jump right into the frightening and unknown in order to overcome that. But with all these fucking messages of absolute regret and bitterness over children stemming from these apparently high-energy people with extravagant lives that went downhill, which even I- a person who feels rather indifferent to children when I once disliked them- find disgusting, it really does make me wonder whether parenthood would be an irreversible mistake. I’m not sure how to weigh my options, and “You won’t know if you’re ready until you try” might be good advice for regular people, but it’s the opposite of helpful for me. I truly don’t know what to think. I just want to be free of trying to understand everything one day. I’m quickly learning that I’ll never, ever know everything. I really want a nap. Edit for minirants. - Wear your baby. Deadlift your baby. who gives a fuck - babies poop. and u have diarrhea especially after dairy if you’re lactose intolerant so don’t think you’re some kinda deity. buy flushable moist wipes. you’re welcome - NO ALLOWANCES UNLESS THEY DO BASIC CHORES. if they want $20 item, they save up - say thank you to the lady for handing you the cookie - they’re gonna ask questions all the fucking time. so do i. baby doesn’t know shit but I don’t either. maybe we’ll both learn something - of course you’re gonna have an awful time if you’re expecting to be perfect?? is that RLY what all these people are doing? also dont buy expensive clothes and shit. Babies don’t care, people who do care don’t matter. TJ maxx - It’s really gonna help to be creative with your kid, build them stuff that helps build their imagination. thats the one thing that always, always stuck with me and never failed - People who judge the way you parent are actual assholes. your mom in law isn’t the parent, your coworker isn’t, your friend from college isn’t. unless you’re being a straight up shit person, who cares what they think about your diaper genie or breastfeeding decisions. call them out on this and don’t worry - MY MOM ALWAYS SAID THAT NOT EvERYTHING IS FUN AND GAMES. GUESS WHAT. YES IT IS. JUST PRETEND THAT BASIC SHIT IS AN ADVENTURE - toys are cool and fun. no regret spending dollars on toys in this household. - clean your FCKING space. this is not a parents-only task - your child does not have to be a sports/dance genius or spelling bee champion. literally nobody cares - you still love your partner. you want to kill them sometimes because they didn’t do the dishes like you asked when it was the ONLY THING YOU ASKED THEM TO DO, STEVEN. u still love them. lower ur voice, get a babysitter and go get ice cream together or something. - the stars still shine, you’re still you. life is fucking weird. do whatever

[weholyperfectioncollectorme-blog]

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I have a whole life policy which I have been paying 45.00 per month for 16 yrs. I have to pay this amount until age 99 so they say. The amount it was for when I bought it was 50,000. It builds cash value. I am now 62. Should I keep this policy or look into term insurance?""

""When settling with an auto insurance company after a car accident, what is an appropriate amount to request?""

I hurt my neck (muscle strain, nothing broken) in a car accident and have exhaused the Personal Injury Protection with the insurance company. They said to call them after my physical therapy was completed to settle for the pain and suffering. The neck pain is still there and will most likely be chronic regardless of any additional physical therapy. I've heard that people are typically given 2X the amount of medical expenses. I don't want to hire a lawyer but don't want to get less than I deserve either. Any advice on how much to ask for would be appreciated.""

What is the car insurance deposit?

What is the deposit you make on your car insurance? I'm not 100% sure. Do you get it back? I'm in the UK.

How much money do auto insurance brokers make?

How do they get paid? and how much?

""What is the difference between term, universal and whole life insurance? Which is the best way to go?""

What is the difference between term, universal and whole life insurance? Which is the best way to go?""

How much would insurance cost me on a v6 camaro?

it is a 1988 camaro and i would just have the cheapest coverage and i am 16 any ideas on how much it would cost me?

Car insurance in massachusetts?

im gonna buy a $700(ive checked it out its a good deal, shutup) 1996 honda civic dx(its a first car, i hate hondas but im not rich like half of the assholes that are gonna make fun of me for getting a honda) anyway i live in massachusetts and i know insurance will be a variable but does anyone know how much itll be when i start driving? thanks""

Where can I get the best Insurance quotes for Home & Vehicle?

I am looking to get insurance on my house and vehicle. I am not satisfied with the present company and would like to research about the same. Can any one tell me where in I can get multiple quotes from different companies. Any help will be highly appreciated. Thanks

Honda civic si insurance?

Okay well im planning to upgrade to an 07 si im 18 and not a first time buyer, i had insurance for my other honda for about a year, so i was wondering about how much the insurance would be? Before i call my insurance.""

How much will it cost to insure a 2007 acura mdx?

I am 53 and I have been driving for 15 years I live in philadelphia

Why does Obama want my health insurance to cost less?

This is wrong. If I work 2 jobs and I get cancer I should be allowed to go into bankruptcy from the medical bills. That's why I support Ted Cruz and Rick Santorum to actually lead this great nation out of affordable socialist health care and into more defense spending. Our brave patriotic men and women overseas deserve more advanced weaponry.

Where to find cheap auto insurance in florida?

We are relocating to port richey florida and I am trying to find a cheap auto insurance company

Cheap used cars and cheap insurance?

i need a cheap used small car anyone have any ideas where it would be reliable to get one..? not auto trader because i cant exactly trust a randomer selling a car which is probly going to break down 2 days later.... any ideas of something or places plz

Drivers License with Insurance?

Do you have to be on someones insurance if you get a driver's license? I don't know what company my mom gets insurance through but her insurance would go up four hundred and thirty dollars because of my sister's driving record, but the lady said I HAD to be on someones insurance right after I get my license. But I called the local DMV and they said that I don't have to be on someones insurance if I get my license. The car just has to be insured. Who do I believe? Because I heard that sometimes insurance companies try to milk you for money... Who do I believe? Can someone give me a real LEGAL answer?""

Full coverage Insurance question ?

Would I be covered if my fiance puts me on his full coverage insurance? I just sold my car so I will be driving his until I get my new one. I canceled my insurance. So I need to know if I need to have my own insurance, or if I will be covered by him just putting me on his. Thanks guys.""

Is it worth having private medical insurance if your in your 30s and healthy?

Is it worth having private medical insurance if your in your 30s and healthy?

How much would a private insurance agent make in Connecticut?

As in selling every company's insurance and working from home.

How does the insurance company know what Annual Mileage I am actually doing?

I bought a car last Sunday from a private seller, but was not able to drive it home because of no insurance. The person kindly offered to keep the car in his garage till I get an insurance cover. Today I went to pickup my car, but that guy was not there, his friend was there to hand me the keys and drive back home. When I test drove the car it was 87k miles exact, now today when I collected it, it went upto 87,806 miles, +806 miles extra. The seller is not answering my calls, the only thing worrying me is that I quoted my Annual Mileage up 6000miles, but already my car raked up 806 miles in one week. Please help, and don't abuse coz I am already down being cheated? Why bad things happen with do-gooder?""

Why do people think that mandating car insurance is the same as mandating health insurance?

I could choose not to drive. Also even the democratic legal think tank advisers have said there is no legal precedent for mandating the purchase of health insurance from a private company. If they don't have single payer or even a public option it may not hold up in the supreme court.

How quick is an auto insurance company to drop you?

I have had 3 claims in 4 years, however, only 1 claim with my current insurance company. None of the three claims were huge...one wasn't even my fault, I was the victim of a hit and run. Anyway...How does getting dropped work? How frequently do you have to wreck, how many wrecks give you a high wreck average ?? As a side note...i've never received traffic ticket, so I'm clean in that area...""

What are some cheap cars to insure for an 18 Year old?

What are some cheap cars to insure for an 18 Year old? I am learning to drive at the moment but I want to know what some cheap cars are to insure?

Bike insurance on a r6 in the uk?

ok so at the minute im banned 23years of age my ban is up next year so will be 24 when im looking to get insured im not even going to atemp to drive a car i know it will be to dear but have rode bikes my hole life so a big bike head would love to be leagul on a r6/zx6r 600cc sports bike does anybody know what it would cost me for a year for insurance serious answers please no idiots thanks

Redlight violation?! Any way to lower the $381 fine and not raise insurance?

Help! This Saturday, I was in Fremont to pick up someone at the Bart station. I was on Mission and Mohave going straight towards the entrance to 880 when the light turned yellow. I started to stop but I felt that if I kept stopping I'd end up in the middle of the intersection so I pressed gas again and went through. I thought I made it on the yellow, but I saw the huge flash meaning the lovely camera took a picture of me. ): The fine is $381 according to http://www.fremontpolice.org/redlight/redlight.html plus a higher insurance, right? I'm freaking out. I'm a 17 year old high school student (I've had my license for over a year already) at a private Catholic school, straight A's in all my classes, super clean record, and I've never gotten a ticket before! I know I have to go to court but is there any way that the fine will be lowered and my insurance won't go up? If I go to traffic school will it be cheaper and keep my insurance down? Help please!""

Can insurance companies renew car insurance without owner`s permission?

My friend has just had a letter from her old car insurance company, saying they have set up a direct debit for monthly car insurance. However, she has recently changed car insurance companies, and has not instructed the old company to set up these direct debits. Is this legal?!""

Question about car insurance.?

So I have a question, If I use my fathers car would he have to register his insurance on my name also? Or will it not matter since the cars registered in his name? Just in case anything happened. Just wondering.""

Which car's owner will pay more for car insurance?

Car insurance costs more for cars that can accelerate faster than 10 mph per second. Which car's owner will pay more for car insurance? A. A car that accelerates from 0 to 50 mph in 4.5 seconds. B. A car that accelerates from 0 to 40 mph in 5 seconds. C. A car that accelerates from 0 to 70 mph in 9 seconds. D. A car that accelerates from 0 to 70 mph in 8.5 seconds.

Can i cancel my car insurance due to changes made in their policy that has skyrocketed my insurance rate?

Just got a package from my insurance company of my new payment schedule for the next 12 mths. Somebody please tell me why i went from paying $249 to $360 a month for car insurance? Sounds absurd ! There is no way in hell im paying for that . . . my questions is, if this is in fact true, can i drop my insurance company at any point in time because the price went up WAY TOO HIGH (i will no longer be able to afford) ? PLEASE HELP!!!!""

Do you have to have car insurance?

like the car has liabilty, but i will soon get my liscense and i am wondering if it is required by law for me personally to have insurance.""

I started requesting an online CAR INSURANCE quote from PROGRESSIVE.COM....but?

They want to collect personal information from consumer reporting agencies, such as driving record, claims, and credit history reports. Is it safe for me to fill out the online form and give Progressive.com (Progressive Direct) the OK it needs in order to collect this information to give me a quote, or is this a possible Phishing expedition that I might regret later on? Thanks""

How much will insurance cost? (teen driver)?

im 16 and im getting my license in a week or so and i was wondering how much will the insurance cost? im going to be driving a 2003 corolla and my parents have state farm. any help? thanks!

Florida car insurance hike?

I used to have Florida auto insurance about 6 months ago. Since then I moved but wanted to return to FL. Recent inquiry for an auto quote I notice the premium has increased doubled in FL. When did this happen? And what actually happened? Just curious. Thanks.

Insurance in Queens?

I live in Queens, New York (I'm 27). I have a Toyota Camry 1997. I only have liability insurance but for some reason I pay ridiculous insurance - I pay around $330 a month (have ...show more""

Insurance coverage with DUI involved?

My father recently crashed his car into a van after consuming over the legal limit of alcohol (well over knowing him), and is concerned whether Progressive insurance will cover vehicle damages for him and the other driver. Also notable is that his car is pretty much totaled, I think, and he does have some previous blemishes on his driving record and the car is leased. If someone with some knowledge on these matters would help and give me an idea of what insurance will and will not cover could help it would be much appreciated.""

Pregnant with no insurance?

I recently moved and I no longer have health insurance. I am 33 weeks pregnant. I do not qualify for Medicaid. are there any other inexpensive options? I am currently working part time but I won't be working for much longer.

Why is it that insurance rates are so high in the state of New Jersey?

The insurance rates in New Jersey are higher than any rates in the entire United States. I demand an answer to this outrage! It makes no sense that in California you can pay like $140 for the whole -year- to insure a car, while in NJ you pay like $140 every month.""

How much will it cost to insure a 2007 acura mdx?

I am 53 and I have been driving for 15 years I live in philadelphia

""Hit by a car, license suspended in California, will the insurance cover the damage? will i get in trouble?

I was driving then the traffic lights turned red so i stopped. few second later i heard a loud breaking sound and 2 seconds later a car hit me. the problem is that my car is under my ...show more

What is a good health insurance?

I want to get insurance for me and my husband. I need an insurance that offer health dental and vision benefits. I have seen alot of insurances, but i want an insurance that gives me good benefits, not just discounts. Can someone please give me opinions about your insurance and what benefits they provide you?""

Can I get a life and health insurance license in GA with a misdemeanor Disorderly Conduct?

can anyone find the link that explains the rules for persons with convictions when attempting to obtain a life and health insurance license? I used to have a license, but let it lapse during my divorce. It seems like I remember something about misdemeanors on the application. Thanks.""

Health insurance and ma.health?

If you are 19 and have coverage under your fathers insurance . You have no job or income and Living with grandparent because of health issues Can you still have Ma. Health to help cover medication and co-payments for doctors? Applied once and told no because they have coverage under the fathers insurance. Has applied for disability because of the medical illness. Do not know of any other insurance to help with costs.

Shall I buy Loss Damage Waiver (LDW) at car rental?

I have car insurance for my Honda compact car via Geico. I need to rent a car at an airport for a small vacation. When I rent the car from Hertz or Enterprise or Dollar, shall I buy the Loss Damage Waiver (LDW), which is about $10/day ? I already have insurance on my car and the insurance company said that my existing Geico coverage will be transferred to the rental car. So it really so? Just wanted peace in mind and I do not want to spend unnecessary price either. Could you please comment? Thanks a lot.""

""Car insurance for a person, not a car?""

haha if that makes any sense. my friend was telling me about how her friend is insured as a person...so she can drive say her moms car, her friends car, and her boyfriends car. she doesn't have a car of her own so she got insurance to drive other peoples cars? can you do that? if so, what company offers that sort of coverage? thanks""

How much does insurance cost for a chimney sweep business?

I am starting a chimney sweep company and I was wondering what is an average cost to have insurance for the business (bonus points if you can say all of the types of insurance I might need) I know the standard answer is to say there is no way of knowing since this all depends on a number of factors but I literally have no clue what it would cost so ANY estimate or guess is appreciated. The business will be in Maryland and have just 1 employee with revenue I am guessing would be about 60,000 a year if that helps.""

Insurance Premium Increase?

I got into a car accident last month..i hit a BMW that caused it to bump into a Mercedes in the accident. (The accident was on the highway) The Mercedes just has a scratch on the back bumper, and I'm pretty sure the BMW needs to replace the back bumper i hit, and probably some scratches in the front... does anyone know about how much this will all cost for repairs? And does anyone know how high my insurance premium will go up? I'm 18 years old living in CA, with Mercury Insurance.""

I often drive a friend's car. What companies offer Non-car owner auto insurance?

Everywhere i look online just offer get a quote then you have to enter a type of car. I don't own a car but I need insurance to take my driver's test in North Carolina. I couldn't find this type of insurance offered on any websites.

""How much would the cost of a 2003 lincoln ls front bumper be, and where can I find a bumper?

2003 silver Lincoln LS. Only reliability insurance on the car.

18 and on my parents insurance?

My mum is on my dads insurance and she is going to take out her own insurance and put me as a named driver while staying on my dads insurance. The quotes were all over 2,000 for me to go as a named driver. It was 2,100 for me to go on my own insurance anyway. You know any way I can get it down to around 1500? A different car or something. We tried a vauxhall corsa and a ford fiesta 1L all over 2,000 Thanks""

Can i insure 2 cars by 2 different insurance companies?

i already have car insurance with my first car but i have just bought another. to insure it on my current insurance is expensive. iv looked at other insurance companies and its cheaper to insure with them. Am i allowed to have a different insurance company for each car?

Will filing a claim for broken car window raise my insurance payments?

I woke up to a broken driver side window this morning and the first thing i do is call my insurance to ask if its covered. My insurance said it would cost 350 bucks to fix it and i have a 500 deductable so i gta pay out of pocket anyway. He scheduled an appointment for me to get it fixed at a local shop. Is this claim going to affect my rates?

Any 17 year olds just got car insurance? (UK)?

Hi, I was wondering if anybody aged 17 has got car insurance recently and would be able to tell me how much they paid. I've been told 3k-4k but when I look on the internet most people are saying 800-2k even if you haven't just got insurance which of the two price ranges is more likely for me? I live in an area where car theft is low and I can keep the car in a garage. I'm a 17 year old male.""

Motorcycle Insurance!?!?

Im so confused right now. In the past 2 months i have been doing my homework on buying a new 2011 CBR600RR. I have been quoting progressive which is who i have my car insurance with. I have been getting around 150$ a month for full coverage. I was about to buy the bike today and whenever i quoted the insurance it was around 230$. I thought i had made a mistake but everything was the same... what the heck happend?

Cheap car insurance for 17 year old?

Hi, I have just passed my driving test and need to insure my car. When I had a provisional licence, my insurance was 550 a year, but now the cheapest I can find is 1850 a year now I have passed! The insurance company I was with only covers learners. Anyone know where I can get cheap insurance? I have tried all the comparison sites. Should my dad insure it and put me on as a driver? Thank you.""

What are rates for car insurance?

I'm trying to answer a question for drivers ed about car insurance. I'm supposed to answer what rates are for a first time driver (just getting their liscence), what rates would be for someone who hasnt taken driver's ed, what are the rates for a 25 year old, what are rates for a person without drivers ed, and what are rates for someone convicted of driving while intoxicated. its not in my book, so i dont know how to answer it, but im trying to answer the questions based on full coverage.""

Car Insurance Question?

I live in Los Angeles and I am leaving the country for 6 month. Can I stop insurance of my car as no one will drive it? In case of theft how can I get it covered? Would the house insurance work in that case?

Why is it illegal to drive without car insurance?

I have heard rumors that it is illegal to drive without car insurance; first of all, is this true? Secondly, if this is so, why? Many individual American motorists experience between 0-2 minor accidents in their lifetime, some of which are very minor (where both cars still run fine and there's just a bump or so). Any information would be useful.""

What happens to your insurance rates if your car is stolen?

What happens to your insurance rates if your car is stolen?

""Your credit rating can affect how much you pay for renters insurance,if so explain thoroughly.?""

Your credit rating can affect how much you pay for renters insurance,if so explain thoroughly.?""

Do you have affordable car insurance in Tennessee?

Do you get a good deal on insurance? Where do you have yours?

Health and life insurance?

im needing to look into health and lfie insurance for myself, and was wondering where to start? What is everyone using? i need something reasonable and something where i dont get the run around with!! Any help appreciated!""

Car insurance for a 16 year old?

I am getting my g2 (I'm in Ontario) soon, and would like to purchase my own car. I can go through my parents insurance, but I couldn't be a secondary driver as there would be 3 cars in the house. Could I put it under my grandfathers name and be a secondary driver? Or just get insurance by myself? How much should I expect to pay? I have done drivers ed if that helps. Thanks !""

How can I lower my insurance rates at 19?

So I'm 19 and my insurance is about 100 a month and i pay 400(really its 300 but I pay 400 so I can finish faster) flat a month for a 2012 Chrysler 200 but initially at 18 I wanted a challenger, but my insurance rate was going to be more than my car payment, so here I am at 19 almost 20 in a few months and am wanting to try my luck again at getting a challenger(my dream car) but just want to know if theirs anything I can do to lower my rate for a sports car, I've built a substantial amount of credit I earn 30,000 a yr and have never wrecked is their anything else I can do? P.S I work hard and am a college student and in no way have received help from anyone to get what I want, I just work hard and want my dream car and feel like I can manage it but the insurance is killing me.""

How much will it cost to insure a 2007 acura mdx?

I am 53 and I have been driving for 15 years I live in philadelphia

Is there anyway to lower insurance rates after a traffic violation is on file?

Is there anyway to lower insurance rates after a traffic violation is on file?

How long until my insurance drops back down after you have an accident?

How long does it take for it to go back down to where it was before you had the accident?

What happens if you forget to update your car insurance when you buy a car?

-bought car to replace totaled one a few months ago. -got letter a few months ago saying i needed to prove i had car insurance so i just mailed in my car ins info not realizing i hadn't updated it (the new car is the exact same as the old, year and mod""

Why does health insurance not Cover dental work?

health insurance dental work

Why are teens against high auto insurance?

Why are teens against high auto insurance?

What car insurance do you have?

Im trying to find one that's cheaper I recently have 21st Century. What's the name of your car insurance and do you like it?

Will women protest being forced to pay LESS for life and auto insurance than men?

No? I didn't think so.

Can i collect disability insurance?

Can i collect disability insurance? i was shot when i was 18 in the ankle and the bullit is stuck between the bone in my ankle. i have worked for a company for 10 years and quit my job two years ago to start my own business. but now as im getting older i can't stand on my leg without experiencing pain or climb up and down things like i used too can i collect disability insurance?

How do I advertise to people in California qualified to buy car insurance?

For the best insurance coverage all you need is a fax machine and a genuine need and intention to buy auto insurance now.

Is it cheaper insurance for you to be a named driver if your parent owns the car?

Im 17, a boy and i want cheap car insurance, is that a better way to get it?""

How much for car insurance for a 17 year old?

I saved up and bought a 1995 Acura Integra ls 4 door from my cousin. And My parent's have state farm. I was wondering how much the car insurance would be for the down payment and monthly. Please and Thank you!

HELP with car insurance for 17 year old?

I am trying to find cheap car insurance for a 17 year old :/ its proving hard and cheapest quote so far is 3500 with my mother as named driver. does anyone know any companys that specialise in young drivers insurance or ways to reduce it?

Insurance question?

I just bought a 2008 Honda Accord, exl, 4 cyl. I can't even drive it because I dont have insurance, what is the cheapest (most affordable insurance) I should get, i am 20 years old living in ontario california.""

Can i get a license without insurance.?

OK. I've got a lot of questions to ask. i'm 16, i live in North Carolina and i'm going to go get my license in about a week and a half. I was wondering do i need liability on myself or what because right now all i want is my license to drive my parents car and stuff, so would i need insurance for that? And also what kind of insurance and what would be the cheapest way to go. And when i check on the DMV website its unclear on what insurance and what they would accept and not accept. PLease help im extremely confused.""

Can I get car insurance at 15 years old?

I am 15 & bought a classic car with my dad. Can I insure it in my name and build up two years no claims bonus while we restore it?

What type of bike have the cheapest insurance?

Obviously a Harleys insurance is going to be huge, but what would be cheaper a 125cc supermoto, a 125cc naked bike or a 125cc sports bike? Also what make of bike would be cheapest like yamaha or Suzuki, but none of the Chinese crap""

Health Insurance Company in Ohio?

Affordable Health Insurance Company in Ohio

Auto Insurance Experts: How much will I be penalized for lapsed insurance due to non-payment (I'm unemployed)?

I have been without insurance for nearly a month now. I have been unemployed for 5 months, but I will start a new job next week! Yay! Since I will start working soon, I will be able to afford to pay again. My car will also be paid off next month. I plan to go with a new company. (I do not have loyalty to the current company.) I used to have a well-known national company for years. When I first lapsed six months ago, my long-time company DOUBLED my monthly premium. I went for a low-budget, local company. Will the new company force me to pay for the time I did not have insurance? Or will I face a penalty? Will they charge me a higher rate? **Believe me, I know that I am taking a terrible risk driving around without insurance. I know that it is illegal...but I have been unemployed for 5 months, and have used the little money I had to pay rent, utilities, my car, groceries for me and 3 kids. I just had no other choice... I just want to be prepared for fees, higher rates, penalties, etc. Can you please give me some advice and suggestions on how to get myself back on track? Thanks.""

How much do 22 year olds pay for car insurance?

How much do 22 year olds pay for car insurance?

""Friend hit my car, wont give his insurance information, what to do?""

Two years ago, I was sitting in a parking space waiting for my friend. He pulled in on the left side, and his right front fender crashed into my rear left quarter panel, causing some ugly damage. Long story short, I didn't get his insurance information. He said he would give it to me later. It has been two years, and the past few weeks I've really gotten on his case to get the information or for him to fix the damage. It has been excuse after excuse, and he now wont answer phone calls. I can get his license number, name and address, so I'm wondering if I need to call my insurance company or the police to get this fixed. I don't need friends like this but I'm wondering if the statute of limitations in california has run out, or if I won't have any luck calling the police. I just want the car fixed, and the damage is estimated at 500 dollars. Any ideas?""

Do anyone know how much is 15% on your insurance?

When you take the practice Driving test how much percent you get off ...and . I'm 22 by the way an also do Anyone know where a nice driving course to. Take that's affordable an worth it?

Home building insurance?

i had tenants in my house, while i was living with my sister, i did take out a building insurance, and last week my house got burned to ashes, it has no roof neither, so i phoned the insurance company which was halifax,to my shock they declined the insurance,as i didn't have landlord insurance, they said. when i took out the policy i did say to them that i wanted landlord building insurance, the woman at the branch assured me, how ever when i looked at my paper now it does say, i have building and contents insurance,i never asked for that, just wanted a simple landlords insurance, i have 40 thousand pounds worth of damage and really stressed don't now what to do, can anybody please give me some advice i would appreciate it very much

Can a 17year old get kit car insurance?

I'm 17 and thinking of getting an old mini and doing it up, I'm not sure if I can get kit car insurance, I have no points on my licence and if I could get one does anyone know how much it will be? Thanks:)""

Where can i get really cheap braces in California?

I need braces, I do have insurance I am a teen we cant really afford them. I would probably need a year to two in a half years with them. Thank u""

Which make and model of car/SUV is the cheapest on auto insurance?

I need a new car, but I don't want to pay a lot for auto insurance. Right now I have a Cavalier (hate it, by the way) and because it is a Z24 it raised the insurance premium. I just wondered if there are certain makes of cars that are usually cheaper on auto insurance. Anyone know?""

How much will it cost to insure a 2007 acura mdx?

I am 53 and I have been driving for 15 years I live in philadelphia

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