#Girl who just wants to live a normal life in a normal partnership....<3<3 and WHY SHOULDN'T SHE???

[bumblingbabooshka]

S'chn T'gai-Grayson Family Memes

[ronearoundblindly]

Threadbare (3)

Steve Rogers x Fashion Designer!Reader

Part Three: Rupture/Fracture (see previous or series)

Summary: Steve skirts the line between protector and absolute doofus. Your fashion show begins.

[Image submitted by ask and does not reflect reader's race or body type. It's just a visual of the gown described in this chapter. Also from an unknown source. Credit to the creator.]

Warnings for canon-level violence and some mild language. This story is rated Teen. WC 4251

Captain America: Man of Action.

Steven Grant Rogers? Eh, not so much.

It’s a risky strategy—to do nothing—but Steve’s run out of ideas.

He doesn’t know what’s upset you. He doesn’t know what Tony does know. He doesn’t have a backup plan to his initial, lame, ‘date’-in-the-diner-downstairs idea, and yes, he knows that was pathetic in-and-of itself. Steve got the words out, though, didn’t he? That’s progress in the trench warfare he’s waging on the one thing that still completely intimidates him: womanhood.

That’s not to say Steve is fighting against you and all you are, but he doesn’t know where he fits in anyone’s equation of life and partnership. Relationships imply relating to each other, and he lives in a tower with superheroes, a billionaire, highly-trained agents who are all ranked above the other 99% of their classmates, and several legitimate aliens.

This does not instill him with confidence on his relating-to-the-average-human skills.

Before Steve was a super soldier, he was also pretty shit with women. It never got better because there was no time to try.

Since Steve has time now, he’s convinced he’ll do something stupid, and that’s really why he sits on his laurels.

This behavior apparently frustrates more than just Steve.

“So how’s your girl?” Sam Wilson asks nonchalantly, petting his beard while watching the final assessment of their newest recruits.

“Faulkner looks injured. His form is off and he’s slower than usual.” Steve makes a note on his tablet.

“Yeah, guy got kneed in the berries for a bad pickup line at the bar last night. Don’t change the subject.”

“Not necessary,” Steve grumbles in avoidance.

Sam scoffs. “You didn’t hear the pickup line.”

“Guy gets hit like that and you think that makes me want to talk about dames more?”

“Ladies, Cap, go with ‘ladies.’”

“Old-fashioned man with—“ he yells out “—find your balance, Pritchard, then block—“ then sighs “—old-fashioned notions.”

“This might surprise you, but we noticed. Maybe you should make some effort to be in her space, huh?” Sam jots something down. “I’m just saying, she spent weeks here. With you. Close. Convenient. Maybe it’s your turn?”

Steve scans the fighters across the room, his brain processing nothing he’s seeing for a moment.

“Maybe it is…”

Steve isn’t actually doing nothing, per se; he’s simply keeping tabs (respectfully) from afar. He sets up an alert for your location if the posted cops call in anything whatsoever. He’s got an alert for Richard Fisk, too, and that has let him know that the man who threatened you has spent one overnight in jail on the opposite side of the city within the last week. It reassures Steve that Kingpin’s son is not wholly focused on you. Maybe this will all blow over? That’s good, right?

 Your storefront’s curb still sports a police cruiser, but inside aren’t the same two men from your run-in with Fisk.

Steve rolls the garment bag he brought off his shoulder and does not take an extra deep breath right before pulling open the door. It’s a normal breath. He’s fine. Fine.

Again, as several other times before, you’re nowhere to be seen.

“Oh my god,” your fourth assistant squeaks from behind the counter.

He knows his name. They know each other’s names—clearly—but have never met.

The young man stands taller. “Oh…my god. Hell-oh.”

Steve…is not sure whether the once over your youngest employee gives him is flattering or objectifying but rallies to get to his point.

“You must be Byron,” Steve tries casually, suppressing the awkward smirk rising with gentle heat to his cheeks. “I was wondering if the lady of the house was in to return this.” 

Steve’s glad he has the jacket as a prop, something to do with his hands as he nervously glances toward the upstairs where he knows you live anyway. You’re here. He knows it. You’re working, and Steve doesn’t want to interrupt you. He has no other options, or at least, no other options that don’t make him feel a bit creepy.

“‘Fraid not, sir. But—“ Byron gathers his wits more admirably than Steve seems to be “—I’m sure I can help with anything you require, Mr. America.”

“Just Steve is fine,” he smiles back. Steve scans the open fitting rooms for Dominica or any of the others he has a rapport with, but no such luck. “And just the jacket.”

“What seems to be the problem with it?”

“Oh, no, it’s not mine. I was just standing in for a fitting when I got called away and…accidentally took it.”

Byron eyes Steve suspiciously. “You…you stood in…for the fit of another client’s jacket? Another client that…looks like you?”

Steve rolls his shoulders in discomfort. “She asked me to,” he defends lamely.

Byron keeps looking at him as if Steve’s grown an extra head instead of just a head taller than his original stature. “Ok,” your assistant shrugs, “let’s see who the marker is for.”

Steve shoves the hanging bag in Byron’s outstretched hand, nervous again. He shouldn’t have come. This was a bad idea. Damnit, Sam, stay in your lane.

Deftly, clearly recalling a move he’s executed thousands upon thousands of times, Byron unzips the bag, tucks the opening under the shoulders of the jacket, runs his hand down the left side seam, and flips up the corner to peek at the lining.

Steve sees a glint of metallic he never noticed.

“Remind me of your middle name, Mist—sorry, Captain Rogers.”

“It’s Grant,” Steve blurts without thought. “Why?”

“This is your jacket, sir, down to the threads.” Byron smiles, a glistening white band of teeth bared for the enjoyment of all, and gleefully spins the garment around to show a delicately stitched ’S G R’ in silver against the deep purple.

Steve’s cheeks are on fire.

“But…” he stammers. “That’s not…” Steve hunches over the counter as if it will settle a bet his mind and heart are arguing.

You asked about the color…and he said he loved it.

You shyly asked if he’d spare the time to help you…and he jumped at the chance.

You made him a custom jacket and tricked him into having it fitted.

Steven Grant Rogers: Idiot.

“Captain!” a voice exclaims from the stairwell. “To what do we owe the pleasure?”

Tarik shuffles down the last few steps looking a little worse for wear and sidles up beside his coworker. His gaze drops to the counter.

“Oooh, I see ma’m’selle went with the midnight—“ Steve doesn’t understand the next few words he uses and Tarik notices the glazed look. “The shine,” he clarifies. “Gives it that color-changing look.”

Byron leans to his left. “He says he wants to return it.”

As soon as Tarik tries to lift the hanger up though, Steve pulls it back.

“No, no. Not returning. I only…thought…” He tucks the jacket back under the protective liner, scrambling for an answer. “I didn’t know…it was for me,” Steve tries once more, like that helps to explain anything. “Hey, can I ask you both a question?”

The young men put on perfect customer service faces and wait.

“Is that unit outside keeping everyone safe in here? I mean, do you all feel, ya know, covered, I guess?”

They look at each other quizzically.

“Yeah, I guess,” Byron shrugs.

“Nothing’s happened,” Tarik mutters.

While Steve is pleased to hear that, his concern for you isn’t exactly diminished. “But she’s never here alone, right? Is no one staying overnight? You’re not…worried about Fisk?”

“We’ve been working some insane hours since the overhaul,” Tarik admits, but there’s no chance for Steve to ask what that means. “Doma was here until three in the morning, so she’s off today. Abby’s set to come in—“ Tarik checks his watch “—an hour or so for Ronny.”

“It’s family dinner night,” Byron jumps in. “Mom’ll kill me if I miss.”

Steve softens. His ma would be the same way if she… “Family dinner night,” he repeats, holding the garment bag a little closer. “Right, and no other unnerving customers bothering you?”

The younger assistant gulps and continues to stare.

Apparently, Steve counts as ‘unnerving.’

If there’s no threat anymore, then truly how the hell is Steve supposed to get closer to you again? In the most bizarre way, a villain looming over you was the perfect excuse for Steve to spend all that time and effort on you, and shifting back to ‘normal’ scenarios of dating a civilian isn’t exactly in his wheelhouse.

“Ok then,” he drawls, “would you—if it’s—if you wouldn’t mind letting her know I stopped by?” Steve waits for Tarik’s polite nod, fighting the urge to say you can call him. You could have called Steve this entire time. He left his personal cell at the fittings, so you absolutely have the number. If you haven’t used it yet, there’s probably a reason.

He finishes with a lame, “I’ll be on my way. Have a good evening and dinner with your family.”

Steve’s being supportive. He’s just here as an extra set of hands should the need arise. He’s absolutely not being a creep. He only sits atop your roof watching one cop return from the routine perimeter check in case you need help.

He won’t bother you, he doesn’t expect anything, and he can’t even see you. There’s nothing untoward about it.

Steve crosses his arms across his chest and watches the sun go down but with much less of a view and a swath of boring gray clouds all over. “For safety,” he grumbles lowly. “That’s all.”

He justifies staying because the cops neither spotted him nor cased the top of the building. He’s filling a gap in your security. It doesn’t, however, alter the fact Steve is skulking around the rooftop of the girl he likes, but he’s here. He expects nothing in return except the piece of mind that you’re okay.

Maybe some would find his night shift boring, but Steve brought his sketchpad and can see just fine in the ambient street light. The freedom to sit and draw all night long is wonderful.

No one watches him. No one looks for him. His phone sits at his hip, and since the Team think he is with you, no one calls.

Abby finally leaves at 1am, yawning a goodnight to the officer in the passenger seat and walking away unfazed. Steve even hears the man ask if she wants an escort home, but your assistant says ‘no.’ From the way the offer is worded, it’s as oft repeated as it is rejected.

If Fisk were going to leverage one of your employees, he’d have made that move by now, and Steve’s impression of Kingpin’s son is the man enjoys direct control. He wouldn’t want you obedient to keep others from harm. Fisk wants submission. He wants you to do what he says for him, not for anyone else. The irony is that Richard Fisk isn’t intimidating enough on his own and uses the muscle of bodyguards to complete the illusion of strength.

Steve knows the type. He’s only worried when he’s not close enough to handle Fisk himself, if it comes to that. 

Luckily, the night passes quietly, and close or not, Steve doesn’t have to do anything. The rounds of perimeter checks are like clockwork while the lights glow from your apartment onto the thin windowsills below him.

Steve huffs. That means you never officially turn in. He crosses his arms again, wondering if you fell asleep at your drafting desk.

Byron returns, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, wearing an actual fur vest, at 5am.

The cops change shift at 6, the cruiser replaced by an identical car and two very similar passengers.

Byron emerges right at 6:10 with coffee for the officers in hand—two insulated tumblers—and fifty minutes later, one of the pair takes the cups back inside before his round.

Steve naps in the gentle spring sun as if this is truly a vacation, waking hungry enough for a late lunch and a walk in the park a few blocks over.

This is probably the park you stroll when overwhelmed, and stressed, as you probably are right now, but you never come out. He keeps walking, passing close enough to see your shop before another lap, and another. He gets a strange amount of enjoyment from trying every street vendor setup nearby until he’s back on the roof before sunset, remembering how you tucked your feet up on the folding chair and under the blanket about a week ago. It’s stupid that feels like forever ago.

Steve sighs before leaning comfortably on the cool concrete and his little bedroll.

He wishes he had the stones to barge in and demand you take a break, but the access door he’s staring at only opens from the inside and he doesn’t want to end up like Faulkner.

The white noise of the city must have lulled him to sleep. He’s startled from his propped-up position by a thunk on the slab at his back.

There you are, letting go of the mug from one hand with a phone in the other.

“Hold your horses, Stark. Let the man get his bearings,” you hoarsely joke before pulling it away from your ear and extending it toward Steve. Your voice sounds good in the morning. 

Of all the things rushing through his mind, all he gets out is, “what time is it, Button?”

You give him a small, tired smile and stand back up from crouching at his side. Your bare feet teeter while one side of your open robe sash brushes the ground.

“Time for you to learn to take your charger on sleepovers, sweetie,” Tony’s voice blares. “No breakfast in bed for you.”

Wiping sleep from his eye, Steve focuses on you stretching your neck from side to side.

“You okay?” he mouths.

The same tired smile flashes as you nod.

“What’s that racket? You two sleep with the windows open? How hot did that room g—“

“Tony,” Steve interrupts, more forcefully than intended, “what’s happened?”

“Three ping fire.”

“Don’t you mean three alarm fire,” Steve groans and buries his face in his palm, shifting to wake his tingling legs.

“Location pings, Casanova, and as the dude with a suit intended as a walking fire hazard, I’m not exactly in a position to steal that department’s lingo. Ya feel me?”

There’s silence while Steve picks up the dead phone at his hip and pockets it. “No, I do not feel you.”

Tony releases a raspberry on the other end. “I am suppressing half a dozen jokes to make you feel supported in your romantic endeavors right now. I hope you appreciate that effort.”

Steve picks up the mug left beside him and moves to say ‘thank you.’ It’s not a travel cup like Byron or Abby brings out to the cops which Steve assumes means this was your drink. Tony must have called while you were waking up, too.

“Your efforts are—“ Steve turns to see an empty roof again “—unnecessary.”

You’re gone. The access door closed again.

“I bet you’re already halfway here,” Tony muses. “You doing that power-run thing?”

The call disconnects and Steve lets it fall with his arm, limp in his lap. He sips at the steaming tea for mere seconds before it occurs to him.

If he texts himself from your phone, he’ll have your number.

“Damnit,” Steve exclaims when the locked screen taunts him.

Thank god the Team doesn’t actually know how bad he is at this. It’s embarrassing, really. He deserves to skulk around on concrete treetops and sleep on stone.

He leaves the mug and phone by the door before rushing off. He notes how impressive it is that not only is the roof access door so quiet that he didn’t hear it twice, but that also counts as a security concern. He might just be splitting hairs. He’s also impressed by how you could sneak up on him. Perhaps he’s gotten too comfortable with even the fake idea of being with you, but the fantasy is pretty great.

As Steve runs back to the Tower, all he can think about is how perfect breakfast in bed sounds, and it’s distracting enough to slow him…just a little.

Fighting helps. Kinda. Or rather, fighting takes Steve’s mind off of other things right up until the tide of battle turns and Tony Stark has a spare second to insert himself into Steve’s life as well as everyone’s comms.

“So what’s it gonna take for you to really do this thing?”

Steve doesn’t understand at first because he’s busy checking in on the agents around him like he’s supposed to be doing. Stark, on the other hand, casually flies toward the hidden base of their enemy’s operations.

“What? You thought you fooled anyone?”

“Not the time, Tony,” Steve gripes, sending the shield in a bouncing arc off two trees and three bad guys. Honestly, he also did think that everyone bought you two together. Why wouldn’t they? It was convincing enough to haunt Steve.

“Guy’s not usually jonesing to drive a golf cart if he’s already on the bullet train, if you know what I mean,” Tony blusters.

“Really, Stark,” Wilson yells from his position on the other side of the valley, “a train metaphor was your best choice?”

Steve purses his lips in response, slamming into one guy, using the momentum to jump, and kicking another guy dead in the chest. That guy ricochets back into a third. The third guy’s gun goes off and drops two more guys. Steve still doesn’t want to have this conversation, even if the actual attack situation is going well for his side.

“I’m just saying if he needs some help sealing the deal—“

“—leave him alone, Stark—“

“—then I can put in a word.”

“Oh!” Steve pops the shield straps back over his arm after mowing down another line of men. “Like you put in the words that made her leave?! What the hell did you say?”

Dang it. If you and Steve were really dating, he’d already know the answer to that.

“Easy, Straps and Abs, it was a test.”

Sam beats Steve to it. “And did she pass?”

There’s a burst of sound and an explosion in the distance.

“Um. She got pissed, for sure, but I don’t know yet. I may have suggested that she only liked Cap for being, ya know, a shiny, blond beefcake.”

“You used those exact words, did you? I take it back,” Sam mutters. “That is the most hypocritical thing Stark’s ever said.”

“Somebody’s gotta top me,” Tony snorts. “Might as well be—“

“Are you KIDDING?” Steve finally breaks.

“It’s important to me that she likes you for you. Sue me—though I’m obligated to warn you you’ll be stuck in litigation for—“

“Stark!” both Steve and Sam shout in frustration.

The leagues of bad guys lose formation as their base crumbles and their radios cut out. They exchange confused looks and disagree on whether to continue attacking or retreat.

“Relax,” Tony purrs before Iron Man touches down in front of Steve. The helmet opens. “I’ve got a ticket to the Tovarich Spring Show with your name on it, and I think…” Tony scans the floundering group just as backup jets arrive to help arrest the survivors. “We’ll be home in time for Rogers to put on a ballgown and hop in a pumpkin.”

One spot of purple in a sea of white.

This isn’t how it was supposed to be.

“Ma’am, the screens you wanted set up are all positioned, and we are ten minutes from showtime,” the stage manager says in seeming slow-motion beside you. “Ma’am,” she tries again when you don’t answer. You’re too distracted by the wrong arrangements.

“I ordered butterfly bush…”

“What?”

“I ordered…I didn’t order white roses,” you croak.

Fisk’s signature flower sits on every table, lines every aisle, adorns the entire rim of the runway, and you did not order them.

Richard ‘The Rose’ is messing with you. It makes your blood boil more than it makes your hands shake because he’s not going to get what he wants. You’re not going to give it to him, but you are going to show what you can do. He can’t take credit for your work. He will not own you.

“We don’t have time to change them—“

“He’s here!” Abby bounds over, gripping your shoulder, panting after running all the way from the press tent. “Captain Rogers is here. He’s wearing the jacket.” 

A nervous smile forces its way across your lips before you grasp Abby’s hand, quickly looking back at the single stalk of butterfly bush dangling in beautiful fuchsia clusters in a vase of roses. It’s a sign, proof that Fisk was able to rewrite your order, a threat that he can rewrite your life if he so chooses.

He’s wrong. You’ll show him. You’ll show everything tonight.

“Thank god for that,” you whisper, squeezing your assistant, “because Steve’s probably about to get a hell of a show.”

The stage manager calls for all the models to line up. You fuss with the finishing touches on all the men, asking how they feel, delighted when each and every one answers with some form of ‘great,’ ‘fantastic,’ or ‘never better.’ That’s what this whole line is about: confidence and comfort.

There’s no cookie-cutter mold for a handsome man. Every frame is inspiring.

You’ve explained to the models that they can reflect however they feel in the clothing on their walk down the runway. If they feel like strutting, then by all means. If they feel like beaming a beautiful smile, it’s welcome. Several pick a pocket to sink a strategic hand into.

A one-minute warning is given.

From your spot deep in the stage left shadows, you can see Steve front and center, pulling at his lapel anxiously before petting his thumb back and forth over the smooth fabric.

Nailed it, you think. He looks happy, so it’s just an added bonus that he looks so good and is covered.

Suddenly, his eyes find you and Steve sits straight up at the edge of his chair just as the lights go out.

The countdown softly descends from ten nine eight seven, the music cranks up above the short round of applause, and you exaggerate silent words, hoping not-quite-beyond hope that the super soldier can still see you in the dark.

‘For you, handsome.’

They’re off. Ten models. Slim and slight men radiant in perfectly crafted, fitted clothing that makes each look like a king in his own right. Not one is taller than 5’6’’ and not one weighs more the 130lbs. Next year, you’ll go bigger, but this statement is essential. One particular build is flawless to you, whether it ever changes or not.

Steve Rogers was just born to be loved by you in any body.

You get to watch it dawn on him, too.

Model 1: he’s a little miffed.

Model 2: his jaw goes slack.

Model 3: he’s transfixed and taking a shaky, deep breath.

By model number four, Steve doesn’t even see anymore, his head turning to where he knows you still stand, a soft expression in the soft glow from the stage.

Even in the dark and shadow, you feel pinned, flattered, and embarrassed. Your hands smooth down the navy overlay of your full skirt and tug at the thick structured cuffs to your metallic threaded bodice. It’s the same silver laced into Steve’s jacket.

Politely, Steve stands to cheer with the rest of the crowd, staring without demanding your attention, and you wait for all the models to start their final walk before stepping out into the cacophony of light and sound. The models flank you. Several grab your arm in appreciation.

It’s so bright. So loud.

The screens of fabric you had the crew raise are still visible at the back, lit through from the entrance where no one should be during the show, yet you see movement. Figure after figure files in, and then the noise shifts. Hands aren’t just banging together. Bullets are banging on the metal scaffold across the ceiling. Your audience’s screams morph from triumph to terror.

People scramble, knocking chairs and each other out of the way, pushing in opposite directions to avoid the same source of fear.

It’s chaos, and you can’t hesitate.

“Behind me,” you scream as loud as you can, and race to the edge of the runway.

Steve lunges for your feet as you pass, but you don’t let him stop you. Whatever he yells to do is lost in the din as you spin to flair your long skirt over the edge.

Rose stems snap and litter the floor.

Your back to Fisk’s men, you beat your fist to the star placard on your chest and activate the battery. It hums to life as electric current races through the silvery details on your chest and down your body, stiffening the thick, bulletproof fabric now on display high like a peacock’s plume.

And it works.

Steve stares up from the floor at a wall of red and navy around a silver star, and you have succeeded where Tony Stark could not. You created a shield not of metal but of thread.

@supraveng @1950schick @patzammit @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @bucky-fricking-barnes-reads @fallinallinmendes @deandreamernp @shelbygeek @rogersideup @eyebagsanonymous @yiiiikesmish @trudy-shams @darsynia

A/N: I made myself entirely too emotional with this, so I am praying that you all like it as much as I do. I seriously need to go scream into a corner now though.

[Next Part]

[Light Masterlist; Main Masterlist; Ko-Fi]

[linnoya-writes]

ZUTARA - the Trials and Tribulations that come with finding “The One”

I don’t think it was a coincidence that the two most mature kids in ATLA had various potential “suitors” throughout the show—people they were officially “together” with, people they went on dates with, people they connected with, and people they fell smitten over-- and yet, those feelings would always fall short of that “once-in-a-lifetime” romantic, magical element.

It really made me believe that ATLA was setting up a wonderful example to young viewers about the real-life hardship of finding “true love,” demonstrating that sometimes... it takes a lot of trial and error and experience to eventually get to that person who’s deemed The One.

Zuko and Katara were two characters who had to mature to an outstanding degree in a time of war, and we notice them trying to make connections with people all around them.  We also notice how, in spite of the many “potential suitors” they have in their own individual story arcs, the two of them always seemed to “bump into each other” along the way, noticing each other’s character development every single time.

In the show, they build connections with people, but never seem to find someone who carries all that they need for a partner.  I could also say that they never find someone who “sees” them in their fullest, complex selves... until it’s the two of them!

Let’s review the suitors for Katara:

1) Haru-- While fans like to speculate that Katara may have had a “thing” for Haru, I personally think she saw him as someone she connected with easily because of his bending ability… in the same way she immediately connected with Aang the moment she found out Aang was a bender.  Katara didn’t grow up around other benders, and so it would make sense that she would cherish the idea of bonding with other benders.  Haru and Katara had their connection with bending, but it’s pretty clear that Haru’s shy nature and his sensitive personality wasn’t something Katara was looking for in a love interest.  

2) Jet-- We do know that Katara falls very smitten with Jet, and here we get to see the kind of person she tends to cling to:  someone who’s a strong capable leader, courageous, tall, athletic, someone who makes her feel like she can use her talents and brains, and who supports fighting for justice.  Of course, Jet also carries his sense of justice too far with his cruelty and malice, which Katara immediately says she will not support in a partner.

3) Aang-- Yes, we see Katara having a long-term connection with Aang in the show, and this relationship turns from a motherly/child relationship gradually into something that could become a romantic partnership.  We also know from the beginning that Aang has deep feelings for Katara, and he tries really hard to get her to see him as a potential boyfriend.  

However, there are various “hints” throughout the show that Katara wasn’t completely “taken” with the idea of being with Aang (ie. her behavior in the episode “The Ember Island Players”) and based on what we know about the two characters… there would be problems with their relationship down the road:  Katara is a proud meat-eating Watertribe girl and the last Waterbender of the SWT determined to bring back her culture/heritage after the War.  Being with Aang--  a proud vegetarian who can’t really handle Watertribe food and customs—might make her have to decide if she is willing to give up part of her heritage for her partner.  She would also have to give up her own individual goals in the post-war in order to be at Aang’s side, as his voice of reason.  There are many instances in the show where Katara had to be the mature one and set aside her own emotional needs in order to tend to Aang’s needs, and this imbalance would eventually make her realize how she needs a partner who can see her as a complex human being, rather than just a “coddler”… a partner who can be the pillar that she can lean on whenever she needs to let out her emotions and rage.

Now, let’s look at all of Zuko’s suitors:

1) Mai-- With Zuko, we learn he had a childhood crush on a girl, and that crush is returned, but after 3 years being banished… there’s no real evidence that either of them “ached” for the other during that time and distance apart.  Zuko and Mai did have their moments together when he returned to the Fire Nation, and while Mai does care about him, the relationship was emotionally lacking, and it’s clear that Zuko cannot be with Mai in his fullest, most open self.

2) Song-- During his time as a fugitive, you begin to see just how self-conscious Zuko is around kids his age.  Of course, the last thing on his mind is finding a girlfriend, but he demonstrates how awkward he is as a teenager (and I don’t just mean because he’s a Fire Nation fugitive in Earth Kingdom territory).

When he meets Song, his focus is only to get his Uncle healed, not paying mind to the hospitality this family has given them.  He acknowledges Song’s kindness and her family’s suffering because of the Fire Nation, and it emotionally hits him when he finds out she’s been hurt.  And yet, despite her being a healer, Zuko doesn’t let Song touch his scar.  Zuko isn’t thinking about relationships.  He’s on the run with his Uncle and is only thinking about survival.  Song wasn’t necessarily a “love interest” for Zuko, but this is the first time we as viewers see a kind, sweet girl try to have a connection with him, and how Zuko—perhaps in any other circumstance—may have developed feelings for her.  

3) Jin-- When Zuko and Iroh make it Ba Sing Se, there’s plenty of time to “lay low” without feeling like anyone is after them, and we have another chance at seeing Zuko making a connection with a girl.  With Jin, there is a definitely crush from the girl to Zuko, and she doesn’t even acknowledge the boy’s scar.  Zuko is  awkward, almost uncomfortable trying to be a normal teenager when it’s clear his life has been so different.  He still does a sweet gesture to try and make Jin happy (risking his own safety as a Fire Nation fugitive), but it isn’t enough to have Zuko say that he wants to see Jin again after that date.  However… we do learn that Zuko likes dating, of having a connection with someone, even if that connection is not meant to last more than one date.

**My personal take with Song and Jin and is that these two girls had that sweet, nurturing, caring trait that Zuko desired, but they still lacked a certain type of passionate, fierce attentiveness that Zuko also needed in a partner to really “reach” him fully as a person.**

So, with all of these potential suitors... why Zutara?

The ironic thing here is that Zuko and Katara had run-ins with each other since the start of the show. They were on opposite sides of the war, fought each other, saw their bending abilities develop more powerfully each time, had a chance to talk and have a mutual connection… and also went on a private mission that nobody else wanted them to do.  Zuko and Katara had opportunities throughout the show to really “see” each other as complex characters… but the beautiful thing was that this was all happening *without* any romantic implications.  

With their minds preoccupied on bigger things through the war, Zuko and Katara’s interactions were forming the foundation to a life-long understanding and friendship, and... had the show continued… had the two of them finally had a chance to set aside some time in their lives to start dating people in the Post-War… it wouldn’t have surprised me if, one day, they would’ve just exchanged a glance as Fire Lord and Master Katara, and realized… “woah.”  

And it really does bring together the dreams and the realities of a good romance:  Sometimes it just takes a lot of patience, and time, meeting a lot of “potential suitors,” before you discover the person who’s meant to be The One.  

[airi-p4]

Ice Dreams - Chapter 1

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | ...

Lukanette Figure Skating AU? Lukanette Figure Skating AU.

I’ve been planning this for more than one year already ( @mamanabeille​ knows ) but Freya’s recent art for me fueled me to finish the first 2 chapters (out of more than 60...)

Header art is traditional art drawn by me about one year ago - Full pic HERE.

Summary

Despite being very talented and loving to skate, Marinette is determined to quit Figure Skating after the lack of decent results and the great amount of stress and pressure on her shoulders.

On the other hand, Juleka and Luka are average skaters in pairs category who, after years of hard work, have finally started showing some good results. But suddenly, Juleka is forced to retire, leaving Luka at the verge of retirement because of his need for a partner.

Can Juleka convince Luka and Marinette to give figure skating a second chance? Can they form a bond strong enough to reach the top and accomplish their dreams? Could something more than partnership spark between them?

AO3

________________________________

CHAPTER 1: Marinette

Figure skating can appeal to people for many reasons: the competitive part, the artistry, the music arrangements, the performances…

For Marinette figure skating was everything- her whole life.

When she was happy, she would love to skate. When she was sad, skating never failed to cheer her up. She was athletic, flexible and talented, gifted by both technique and artistry, as well as tenacity to work hard and never give up. Skating was an irreplaceable part of her life.

WAS.

In past tense.

Because even when it’s pleasant to watch the beautiful programs the skaters have to offer, there’s something that never changes during competitions: the scores are what really matter. Fail one element and you're screwed. Keep the program perfect but with minimum difficulty, you're off the podium. Do perfect in practice but fail in front of the judges: it's over.

This was Marinette's case.

Recently, consistency always failed her in competitions, and it had been a letdown to see how the past seasons had been going blank for her, without any outstanding accomplishment, despite her being on top almost all of her childhood. Her effort, and full potential didn’t show off on her competition results.

Marinette's parents and her coach, Miss Bustier, associated her disappointing results to her mentor’s and grandmother’s passing. But Marinette was well aware that the main reason behind her failures wasn't only how much she missed her granny; the real cause had a girl’s name: Lila Rossi.

It had already been 2 years since Lila joined her training classes under Miss Bustier's teachings. And everything had gone downhill after that.

It's not that she hadn't already been enduring bullying from Chloe Bourgeois, but Lila's bullying was at a whole different level.

The pressure, the expectations, the stress, the bullying, the injuries and damaged property, the struggle her parents went through to pay for her classes and competitions, how she had to sew her own dresses because she didn’t have the money to buy them, how she almost had no friends left... Everything piled up for years and made her finally crumble. Her skating consistency was affected and led only to constant failure.

In the end, she was exhausted, and no matter how much she loved ice skating, she reached her limit. She surpassed her limit.

Lila Rossi had won.

For two weeks now, since her last failure at a National Competition, Marinette had been skipping her skating classes. Coach Bustier was always exceptionally kind to her, and had been considerate (in her own way) this time as well, suggesting she take a few days to rest and get back again when she felt confident again.

But Marinette didn't intend to return under her coaching. Instead, she had set her mind to resign from her classes and, probably, even quit figure skating too.

She couldn’t take it anymore.

The most talented skater of the decade was seriously considering quitting skating for good. And it made her sad, but she couldn’t see any other way out of the spiral of failures she was caught in. No one was there to get her out of the dark hole she was buried in.

She certainly didn’t expect a second chance in figure skating.

_________________________________

During the days she didn't go to her classes, Marinette always spent her time at the Miraculous Ice Skate Rink, where her 'grandfather', Master Wang Fu worked as a manager, taking care of the installation and the opening and shutting down hours, along with the material to rent and the tickets for open to public times. Being her mother’s uncle, she had been babysat by him and his wife since she was a little kid. It was, in fact, Marianne Lenoir, was the one who taught Marinette the skating basics and the one who made her start practicing and love figure skating since she was 3 years old.

Marinette loved her grandparents a lot, and the passing of Miss Lenoir still pained her everyday. After her tragic loss, they became even closer, especially when Master Fu gave Marinette his late wife's earrings as a memento - he knew she would have given them to her at some point, since she loved the dark-haired girl a lot. And with no children on their own, Marinette was the closest they had to a daughter or granddaughter. Marinette had promised to treasure the earrings. They had a ladybug’s design engraved on them, only visible when light illuminated themfrom a certain angle. They were very mysterious and unique, and Marinette had loved them since her eyes had fallen on them. After becoming their owner, not even once she took them off. She felt the luck on her side as long as she wore them.

Except, that wasn’t the case anymore.

Marinette had her own theory of how Lila might have corrupted them when she touched them once, since all her luck was now gone from her side from that moment onwards.

On the ice, Marinette skated a little. But when she attempted to jump, a memory of her last competition crossed her mind and she fell down. Instead of standing up like always, she stayed seated on the floor, tears falling down her cheeks.

"Marinette! Are you ok? Did you get hurt?" asked Fu, worried. Rushing (as much as his old legs allowed him to) to aid her.

"Master-! I- I-... I can't skate anymore!" She broke down to cry even harder.

"That's not true, Marinette. You're just feeling discouraged now because of your recent results in competition. It's normal to feel like that. It will be ok"

"No Master…  It's not just competitions… It's everything… Lila, Chloe, my coach, my parents, my friends…and I miss Granny Marianne so much... I'll never be able to follow her steps now… I should just be realistic and give up..."

"Don't say that, dear. You have luck on your side. Like a ladybug. Lady Chance. You are talented enough to overcome this. I’m sure Marianne would be proud of you, even if you don't follow her steps. And you know? There's no need to compete if you don't feel like doing it. Many people just skate for fun or minor competitions. I’m sure the future has good things prepared for you. You just need to keep moving and you’ll find the right path to follow. And whatever you choose to do, we'll be proud of you. The doors to this ice rink are open for you to come whenever you want to"

That's right. She could skate without competitions. She could focus on something else and have skating as a hobby. Maybe she could make a living out of a figure skating outfit designer…

It was settled. She was quitting. And she was telling her parents tonight.

"Thank you, Master. I know what I want to do now" she answered, giving him a heartfelt hug. Fu smiled at her and patted her back a little, happy to see her smile was back on her face and how his granddaughter's tears had finally stopped.

___________________________

Marinette was very nervous when she arrived home. She tried to sneak to her room without being noticed, but her mother had been waiting for her, with a deeply worried expression on her face. Marinette gulped. 'She has probably found out I've been skipping my classes' she thought, but her mother's mind was focused on something else- more serious. Something the girl didn’t expect or could have imagined.

“Marinette. Calm down and listen to me. Are you still friends with Juleka?”

Marinette blinked: that was not the question she expected. She sighed before answering, confused about her mother’s unusual distress.

“Yes, mom. It’s been a long while since we’ve last seen or talked to each other, but she is my friend”. She paused for a second. “Why do you ask? You’re scaring me...”

Sabine Cheng took a deep breath before answering “Marinette… Juleka is at the hospital”.

Marinette’s mother’s grip on her shoulders wasn’t strong enough to keep the girl from jumping in shock, neither stopped her from panicking a second later.

“What!? What happened to her!? Is she ok!?”

“Calm down, Marinette. She’s ok. She just fainted. She…” Sabine paused, hesitating, before continuing with the explanation. “She’s been diagnosed with an eating disorder”

Marinette felt a rush of mixed feelings forming inside of her: but between sadness and worrisome, anger was the first emotion to come out of her body.

“No…! No way! I’m sure it’s all Chloé’s fault! She used to make mean comments about her body since we were little. Her ideas must have grown bigger in Juleka’s mind! Just because she was taller and larger than many of us…! And now Juleka is…! Juleka is…!”

The spiral of emotions she was feeling ended up falling in the form of tears, again, in a crying whimper. Sabine, worried for her daughter, cupped her cheek and let her cry until she calmed down a little. It was not easy for her to wait patiently to ask her what she had really wanted to know after she had heard about Juleka’s condition, but she knew the girl needed to let it out, even if it hurt her to see her daughter crying like that. It almost felt like there was something more behind the salty water spilling from her eyes, but she remained silent until her sobbing sounds ended, being engulfed by the silence of the living room. When the wait finally was over, Sabine Cheng spoke again, looking straight to her eyes.

“Marinette, I need to ask you something. And please, be honest with me" Marinette gulped and nervously nodded. "Are you eating properly? You’re not throwing it out, aren’t you? I know you’ve always been thin, but I can’t help it but worry about you… You know how common eating disorders are in figure skating… And with what happened to Juleka and how discouraged you look recently…”

Marinette tensed at her mother’s question, more offended than shocked. “Of course not, maman! I’m properly eating what you put on my plate! I would never waste what it takes you so much work. I’m grateful I always have freshly baked bread on my plate”

Marinette’s mother relaxed at her daughter's answer, hugging her.

“Good. That’s good. I’m so glad. So relieved. Thank you, Marinette”. She spoke again after breaking the hug. “I think you should pay Juleka a visit. Here’s the room number and the hospital address. You should be there for her”

“Thank you for telling me, maman. I’ll visit her tomorrow morning”, the girl said, grabbing the paper with Juleka’s hospital contact from her mother’s hand.

“Good girl. I’m proud of you”

“Thank you, maman…” the twin-tailed girl managed to answer, feeling both happy and nauseous for the trust in her mother’s eyes. The thought of seeing disappointment on her parents' face terrified her.

‘No… I definitely can’t tell my parents yet…’ she thought.

_______________________

When Marinette arrived at Juleka's hospital room, she wasn't alone. The door was partially opened and she saw a blue-haired boy standing beside her. As soon as she knocked on the door, the boy noticed her and approached, with an interrogative and sad expression on his face. He was handsome despite his sad expression, Marinette thought, distracted for a second.

"I- I'm- Juleka...?" She managed to say, and the boy just nodded.

“Juleka, you have a visitor. I’ll let you two talk privately" he said, turning his head to the girl in the bed. "Thank you for coming,” he solemnly told Marinette before leaving the room.

“Thank you” she said when getting inside, without looking at him.

It had been a while since Marinette had talked to Juleka. It had been more difficult to keep in touch after she switched to pairs skating some years ago, even if they still exchanged messages and hung out together sometimes.

“Juleka, how are you? I heard you fainted and…” Her feet moved slowly towards her friend as she greeted her, but she gasped when she saw her figure: she couldn't be healthy looking the way she did.

“Marinette. Thanks for coming” Juleka weakly smiled.

“Juleka, look at you! You look so skinny! You have to eat! You shouldn’t listen to what people or magazines say, it’s dangerous! You need to be healthy.”

“I am healthy" she assured her, but Marinette's worried eyes made her admit her problem. "But… you’re right. There’s no need for me to keep throwing out my food. I’m retiring from figure skating”

"What?" Marinette gasped, and Juleka reaffirmed her words with a nod. “Oh no, Juleka! I know you loved it… I’m so sorry for you…” The baker's daughter sympathized.

“It’s Ok, Marinette. Thank you… I’m actually more worried about my brother. We were a team and now his dream is crushed because of me… He can’t compete without a partner and… I’ve wasted everything…”

“Oh, Juleka…”, she warmly hugged her friend.

Not wanting to talk more about her eating disorder, Juleka asked Marinette a question.

“What about you, Marinette? How are things going? Are you getting closer to your dream? You were always first place no matter what! I bet you’ve been improving and setting even higher scores by now. I wouldn’t be surprised if you could even land a triple axel!”

“I can land it, actually! It’s just… for some reason I can’t seem to land any of my jumps lately during competitions… I keep failing over and over… and then there’s Chloé and Lila… You know… I’m thinking of quitting…” she said in a sigh.

“Oh no, Marinette! You can’t quit! You are the most skilled and talented skater I’ve ever seen. Your scores as a child were in another league! You are bound to make history in figure skating, I know you do. You can’t quit!”

“It’s not a matter of skill anymore, Juleka… It’s a matter of results and wasted effort. I just… I can’t do it anymore. I can’t keep my parents overworking to pay for my skating classes with me failing every single jump in competition. I can’t look at their disappointed looks every time I fail their expectations. And Lila’s bullying only keeps escalating while my coach never believes anything I say… I’m not motivated anymore. I don’t have the strength to keep trying...”

Marinette looked devastated as she spoke. Quitting figure skating couldn't make her happy. Juleka knew she would be feeling even worse than herself. She didn't like to see her friend like that.

“Are you sure, Marinette? Because I think it’s a waste. You could win an Olympic gold medal if you aimed for it. It’s just… so frustrating…”

“Juleka…”

After a long silence, Juleka set her determination and faced a surprised Marinette with a serious look on her eyes.

“No. Marinette, I can’t let you quit like that! Look at me. I’ve been forced to quit because of my condition. I wanted to keep skating! I didn’t want to stop! And yet… you say you want to quit. My brother says he wants to quit. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!? You have no consideration for me or for yourselves!" She yelled and then paused to take a deep breath. "Marinette, look at my face and tell me again you want to quit! Can you do it?”

“I-... I want to… " Marinette paused, unable to lie. "I want to keep skating!" She finally admitted. "But I can’t anymore, Juleka! I’ve tried to endure it, I’ve tried so hard! And yet… Nothing! It’s just useless. What’s the point when I’m starting to feel that skating is not fun anymore?”

“Oh no, Marinette, you can’t say that! You can’t give up your dream so easily. Who was that skater you admired? Your grandmother? Miss Lenoir? You dreamed of being like her someday! Graceful, elegant yet strong; sliding on the ice like if you were an angel coming from heaven, announcing salvation to all the graceful public crying tears of joy at your beautiful movements. I know you can do it, Marinette. You just need something or someone to…" Juleka paused for a moment. "Wait, I… I have an idea. Why don’t you try pairs skating for a while?”

Marinette was taken aback at her friend's suggestion.

“What? What are you talking about? I told you I want to… to quit…”

“No. Listen to me. You just need to try it out. You try, and I won’t oppose you quitting if you decide to do so after you’ve tried it out.”

“What’s the deal…?”, Marinette said, unconvinced.

“I want you to take my place. I want you and my brother to help each other recover your motivation, your goals, your dreams. We just got a decent score for international competitions and I… I messed up. He did his best and improved a lot. He could score high, to the top maybe, with the right partner… and I think you’re a better fit partner than I could ever be” she said in a weak sigh.

“But- I don’t even know your brother. And I’ve never done pair skating before! And most importantly- there’s no way I could fill in your place! Nobody can! I'm sure you’re important for your brother, and he doesn’t even know me! He won’t want me to pair with him anyway” Marinette protested.

“That’s my part. I’ll convince him to give you a chance. So I need you to give pairs skating a chance, too. You both still have a second chance in figure skating. And I bet you can reach the top in a few years'', Juleka smiled. Her eyes showed conviction in her words, but Marinette had doubts.

“Are you sure he-?” she started, but Juleka cut her, knowing how the question ended.

“I’m sure. Just give it a try. For me. For our friendship. I want you to skate on my behalf. Please... I’m begging you, Marinette. Just one week. One more chance. I’m sure you won’t regret it. No, I promise you won’t”

“Ok, Juleka… I’ll do it. Just one try. No more. I’m quitting if I can’t keep it up. Or if your brother doesn’t like me…”

“He’ll like you. He just needs to meet you.” she smiled in reassurance and Marinette hugged her.

Marinette, noticing the time, broke the hug and spoke again. "I have to go now, but I’ll come again next week. Get well soon, please”

“Thank you, Marinette. For coming and for accepting my selfish request. I’ll send you a message later.”

“Of course, you are still my dear friend, Juleka. Get well soon, ok?”

“I’ll try… Thank you for coming”, she answered, waving her goodbye. ‘Now I need to convince Luka…' she thought, eyeing her friend crossing through the door.

[mashi-sims]

6 Popular tropes that fit #Cooliver

1. Friends to Lovers. Duh

This is the most obvious one, and I wanted to start with this one because if Cooper and Oliver ever become canon, this is what their relationship would be.

In my head, Friends to Lovers is always problematic because it’s easy to lose a beautiful friendship to a mediocre romantic relationship, as has happened to many LGBT couples on TV, but if done correctly, it warms my heart and makes sparks of joy fly all around.

The journey of their friendship not only as a partnership but as a mutual beneficence that helps them both grow and develop as their individual selves, helping each other find their own path, confidence in themselves, inspiration and motivation to fulfill their dreams, ultimately becoming better individuals aiming to transform into the best versions of themselves they can be, *voice intensifies* all while being together and offering each other’s company and support, becoming accustomed to being next to one and other and not being able to imagine a life without the other, slowly developing emotional ties that make them consider if a different kind of love exists, and them exploring it and realizing that, in fact, THERE IS. That type of slow build that transforms into a romantic relationship because they both agree they are each other’s most treasured person and they want to stay in each other’s lives forever, that’s some GOOD STUFF.

2. Fake Dating

The reason why I believe a good fake dating au can get so popular, is because it can offer a pretty natural transition between “Not having any kind of feelings”/”Being unaware of their feelings” to “Oh, my gosh I am in love with this person what do I do”, and it can be so heart-wrenching it’s addictive.

In a beautiful world, Oliver is totally in love with Cooper and he just doesn’t know it yet, and there’s where this trope comes in handy.

There’s a number of reasons why two characters may start fake dating; getting someone off their backs, making someone jealous/angry, needing a date for a special occasion, or getting some odd financial benefit from it, if you’re willing to take it as far as getting married and having to pretend to be actually married so nobody know their marriage is a scam.

They agree to start fake dating or to start introducing each other to other people as their boyfriends, because Cooper wants these interested girls (and boys) in his money to go away, or because Oliver is the only single one at his ballet and he doesn’t want to go to after-show celebration alone, and after one or many fake dating moments, they start realizing they don’t need to act or pretend to act a certain way at all, because there’s stuff they’d normally do with or say to each other, or at least the trust or the reliance is already there. 

Think about the inevitable time where they do have to stop acting like fake boyfriends and they start missing it, or when they mid-date realize there’s something real between all that pretending and now they don’t know what to do about it, imagine the conversation they’d have when they realize they can’t go back to being friends anymore.

3. N Things

This one is more like a writing strategy than an actual trope, but it still works. We’ve all read the “4 times they almost kissed, and one time they did” or the “3 times they said I love you to someone else, and one time they said it to each other”

Okay, now hear me out- how about, “3 times Oliver said Cooper wasn’t his boyfriend, and one he didn’t have to”, or “5 times Oliver said he wasn’t gay, and one time he couldn’t”? I’m down for that.

The heart of this trope is the repeatability of a certain joke, a comment or an unfortunate event and that’s obvious it’ll turn itself around, and it’s that one moment that finally comes which makes you want to dance under the rain.

To me, the amount of times Oliver’s had to tell other people that he isn’t gay or that Cooper’s not his bf (Cooper also said it once) is the perfect starter to this “n things” strategy.

Come on, American Housewife! You’re making it too easy for me to expect that one moment when it all turns around!

4. Babysitters

Neither of these boys is ever shown to be a kid-person nor to have a soft spot for babies, or anything like that! Like, at all! Their whole characters are based around the facts that they are both money-driven, superficial, and self-absorbed (although in the process of becoming better than that), and we barely ever get to see them pouring their hearts out or letting their guard down.

Therefore, imagine a day where Oliver is forced to babysit Violet (or another baby if there comes to be another one), and he’d undeniably be annoyed at the situation because this baby/toddler has ruined his plans, but Cooper obviously stays and helps him out because where else would he be?

It’s the times driving them both crazy when they don’t know how to make a baby stop crying, or when they’re deciding who should change the diaper because neither of them wants to; it’s the time when they’re both a mess because some chaos happened with the food or the paint while they were trying to come up with an activity.

Then it’s Oliver slowly coming down with baby fever as he’s trying make them laugh or when he’s walking around the room trying to make them fall asleep, and Cooper is in awe because he had never seen that side of his friend, and he had never expected it to look so damn cute, and Oliver had never expected Cooper to stay with him for a whole day just taking care of a baby.

It’s at the end of the day when they’re tired as hell but they agree that they had fun and that they’re glad they had each other to help out, and although they don’t say it, maybe it wasn’t so bad their original plans didn’t end up working out.

5. Hurt/Comfort

This is not a trope for everyone, you may love it, you may hate it, you may be indifferent, or you may be like me; somewhere in the middle but with some strong opinions. If done right, it can be a beautiful addition to the story of two characters in process of falling in love. If done wrong, it can victimize the characters in unnecessary ways or show them in a light that doesn’t suit them, thus making them feel out of character, which is every true fan’s worst nightmare.

Although, let’s focus on the small things; like characters holding on to their emotions for too long until they really can’t do it anymore, and they need somebody to help them out, even if they resist it, because in the end they’ll acknowledge they’re thankful for having them, and it also makes their relationship inevitably grow and develop, because there’s something really special about having someone you can truly be yourself with and knowing that they’ll stay, and they’ll help you through everything and make you feel like you’re going to be okay, even (and especially) during your worst moments.

(Although really toned down,) we’ve already seen this kind of comfort between the two; like when Cooper found out Oliver lied about his vacations, and he told him he didn’t need to lie to him out of all people, and that he could come on vacation with him whenever he wanted, or when Cooper’s parents ditched him and he confided in Oliver, who believed he had become tired of hanging out with him, and Cooper had to reassure him that wasn’t the case; those were small moments where we got to see them somewhat upset and being comforted by the other, and that’s when it feels like their friendship is strong and real.

The reason why I believe this trope fits them so much is because they are barely shown in a vulnerable state that allows them to have a sad plot where they’d need to be comforted, and it’s during times like these where you can really see their relationship grow.

Also, I want to point out that it’s not about romanticizing or sexualizing sadness, at all! It’s about using these moments to slowly build and give consistency to the relationship- don’t even get me started on how much I hate seeing and reading characters making out after having a breakdown.

6. Mutual Pining

Some people like to suffer, okay? Some of us like a good tragedy, and there’s nothing more tragic than two characters who are deeply in love with each other, but they’ve resigned to keeping it hidden deep down because they’re convinced the other doesn’t feel the same and they don’t want to lose them nor their friendship, even if it means having to live with a painful secret for the rest of their lives.

When you start having feelings for another person, you may be brave enough to let them now or try and see where things go, because you have nothing to lose, right? But what happens when it’s your best friend you have feelings for? There’s a lot there to lose if do things go wrong, and there’s no certainty that they won’t, so you might as well leave things as they are, because nothing would be more painful than to lose the person you love the most for making things weird because they don’t feel the same way...

And it’s completely frustrating to see two characters with the same internal monologue, because you know what IT COULD BE, but THEY don’t know that- and I love it.

There’s a million different ways this trope can play out, and it’s always so interesting to see where things go after both characters have resigned to never let the other one know how they feel, and then we get to see these destructive actions like dating other people because they think their feelings are unrequited, but they have no idea the other is in deep pain because of seeing the person they love with someone else... yes, a good tragedy!

Anyway, thank you for reading this rant and feel free to add to the list or make any of these come to life.

[ghost-in-the-stalls]

your hc about mary please🤲🏻🤲🏻

Aw thanks so much for asking!! Idk if you're the same anon that asked about Tilda or a different one, but I appreciate you just the same 😍 no one has interacted with the Tilda post yet from what I can see so idk if people care about this in general but im glad you do! And I'd love to share regardless.

Once again this'll probably be long so it's going under a cut. Cw for normal aftg stuff but then also a little human trafficking mention in the beginning and general abuse/neglect both physical and emotional.

And once again this is in no way to excuse Mary's shitty behavior. She and Tilda were both abusive and terrible mothers and this is more just an exploration of the character and her mentality than anything else. I just love character depth.

Finally, I apologize if this isn't very well worded. I'm pretty tired but I dont like editing myself lmao I'd rather just get this out now. I think I get my points across clearly enough so I don't care as much about how good or bad the writing is

So Mary's mother was a woman who I consider not only having married into the Hatfords but who was basically like... sold to them as a child. Like maybe she was the illegitimate child of some other wealthy family who happened to owe some kind of debt to the Hatfords. And the Hatfords had only one son and were struggling to have another, but were desperate to keep the family line going. So they took this baby in exchange for forgiving a debt, and raised her to one day marry their son.

So this girl (whose name I've decided is Marion for some reason) is raised as a member of the family but like... slightly less. Treated as more of an object than a person. They basically only gave her enough of an education for her to get by, and made sure she knew from a young age that her sole purpose in the family was to marry their son (let's call him Samuel).

So you can imagine she didn't grow into a very happy woman. But she filled her role. She married Samuel Hatford, gave him 3 kids, and then pretended to stay out of the way. Stuart was the oldest, Mary in the middle, and I hc they had a younger sister as well. Don't ask me why. That just popped into my head one day and now I can't imagine otherwise.

So this family dynamic was fucked from the beginning. See Marion filled her role, but she had plans. In raising her children, she gave a great deal of care and attention to Stuart as he was the eldest and the only son. He was to inherit the family business upon his father's death or retirement. And she wanted to make sure she was taken care of properly in her old age. So she made Stuart feel as loved and doted on as she could.

Her daughters served her no purpose, so they got very different treatment. Mary especially was affected by this. The youngest daughter was able to generally slip under the radar and find her own niche in the world (married into a powerful wealthy family through a man she genuinely loved and that was already more than anyone needed or expected from her).

But Mary. She felt her mother's cold shoulder on a very deep level. Their father wasn't exactly a family man- couldn't be bothered. And here was her mother, so plainly and openly playing favorites. Stuart would get hugs and soft words while Mary would- on a good day- get slapped for even opening her mouth. See Mary and her sister were never meant to have any real power in the family. So what did it matter to Marion what grudges they held against her?

So enough years go by and Marion decides its taking too long for her husband to retire. So she takes matters into her own hands. Starts slowly slipping poison into his meals in very small doses until he's too weak to fight back when she slits his throat. She doesn't hide what she did. She doesn't need to. When Stuart takes over at 22 years old, he can't find it in himself NOT to protect her.

But I'm getting carried away. So Mary was now in a pretty weird spot. Stuart being in charge gave her a bit stronger footing in the family (they'd always had a very close relationship despite their mother's attitude), but she was still lower rung. She still suffered at the hands of her mother's emotional neglect and manipulation. And she was getting tired of it.

In comes Nathan Wesninski. See the thing I imagine with Nathan is that he is actually incredible charming. His knives can only get him so much when there are people he can't reach to cut up. And when his rising empire starts doing business with the Hatfords, he and Mary latch onto one another very quickly.

They each have their own intentions in the relationship and neither of them are blind to that. But it wasn't an arranged marriage. See Mary saw Nathan as her ticket up and out. She knew he was vying for power and she knew he was fully capable of getting it. I wouldn't go as far to say they were ever in love- I don't think either of them were ever really capable of that- but Mary definitely had some strong faith in what their relationship could be.

Now, when she looked forward, she finally saw herself on top. She saw her and Nathan standing side by side. That power that had always been out of reach for her? It was now in sight, and she definitely was blinded by that. She didn't see what Nathan really was until she was in too deep.

Stuart and the younger sister had disapproved of Mary and Nathan being together from the beginning. Being in business with him, Stuart knew what Nathan really was and how much he could drag Mary down. Their younger sister had just learned to be much better at reading people. But it didn't matter what they said. Mary had her plan and nothing was going to take it from her.

Mary's commitment to marrying Nathan and Stuart's blatant disapproval of him created a deep rift between them. They had always been very close, but Mary saw his interference as an attempt to keep her in her place. She was stubborn and refused to back down. By the time she and Nathan got married, her and Stuart were barely on speaking terms.

Now the thing is, Nathan knew what he wanted out of Mary. And he also knew that once he had her, she wouldn't be able to go anywhere until he got what he wanted.

It didn't take too long for Mary to come to understand that what they had was never and would never be a partnership. She was a tool to him. And by the time she had Abram, he was already beating her into submission and openly fooling around with Lola on the side.

But now she was stuck. Their marriage may not have been arranged, but it was still a business deal. And even if it wasn't, Nathan wasn't going to let her go anywhere.

Once it became clear that Abram wasn't going to make an appropriate heir for the Wesninski business and Nathan tried to sell him to the Moriyamas, Mary decided she'd had enough. She was going to get out one way or another.

Now here's the thing. We know what Mary was like with Neil when they were on the run. We know how abusive and controlling she was. And she could say it was for his own good all she wanted. But ultimately, it was all about power. She had been beaten down from the very start of her life. She'd been left in the dust, bloody and bruised, while those around her rose to a power that was always just out of her reach.

But now it was just her and her son. And they may not even have the luxury of being real people anymore, but damn if she was going to lose the one thing she was able to call hers- the one thing in the world she actually had power over.

Because that's really all it's ever about isn't it? Mary Hatford wasn't capable of loving anything or anyone. The people who'd raised her and made her who she was had never taught her how to do that. And maybe the fierce protectiveness she had over Abram was the closest she could get to it. But really she just ultimately became the same thing she had always been fighting against. Now it was her own heavy and swift hands doling out punishment to a misbehaving child. Now she herself was the one getting the last word and making all the decisions. Now she had someone following her every command.

It eventually became clear to her that she very likely would die sooner or later at the hands of Nathan and his men. She could only run so far and for so long. But even in her death, she knew she would never let them take what was hers. She never took Abram to Stuart because the break in their relationship was beyond repair at this point. But she still would prefer Abram eventually ended up in his protection than at the end of Nathan's knife. But until these things came, she took Abram and kept running. The more days they ran, the more days she had of power over him and freedom from everything else. The more able she was to ensure that Abram would keep running after her death; that he'd never fall under anyone else's power and that her voice would be the only one left in his head at the end of each day.

If she could see where he'd ended up, she'd be furious (and she'd be surprised at her own fury, as introspection wasn't something she indulged in often). He was never meant to live. He was never meant to move on from her memory or to leave her dying request behind.

But, at the same time, good for him for finding his own strength and place in the world. Because of course it could only happen once she was gone.

---

So thats my take on Mary. Once again, she was a piece of shit just like Tilda. This is not to do anything other than explore the character and give her complexity. I do genuinely believed she "loved" Neil in the only way she could ever be capable of loving anyone. But it wasn't love. It was possession. And good on both him and Andrew (and Aaron and Nicky for that matter) for being able to slowly learn to heal from the abuse they suffered at the hands of their parents.

Thanks so much again for asking!! It means a lot and I love to share my headcanons 😊❤

[vapcrwaves]

━♡ guess the 24 YEAR OLD JULY baby just arrived to dallyeog! it makes sense, because AOKI IMOJEN is just as BLAZING as the month of JULY. wait, why do they remind me of HIRAI MOMO? beyond that, they seemed SELF-RELIANT & BUOYANT upon first glance. i heard someone say they’re sort of INSURGENT & RECKLESS though. i hope they get acquainted here in COMPLEX # 3 / APARTMENT # 2 / FLOOR # 2 ; they seem to have a lot going on with HER job as TATTOO ARTIST / BASSIST. 

bonjour , y’all !! my name’s jade ( she/her , twenty-one , gmt+8 ) !! and i’m super excited to meet and write with everyone !! this is my spunky kid , imojen , and i hope you’ll come to enjoy her as much as i did writing everything about her :D if you wanna plot , do not fret because i’ll be dropping in everyone’s IMs hehe , but if you prefer to plot over at discord , don’t hesitate to tell me !! <3 

*   𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖑𝖔𝖌𝖚𝖊   ╱  ʙᴀꜱɪᴄꜱ   .

name  :  aoki imojen  nicknames  :  yoki , jen . age  :  twenty - four . birthday  :  july 27 , 1996 . zodiac  :  leo sun , aquarius moon , sagittarius rising . place of birth  :  tokyo , japan . currently living  :  seoul , south korea . occupation  :  tattoo artist , bassist . pronouns  :  she / her . orientation  :  bisexual biromantic . ethnicity  :  japanese .  spoken languages  :   japanese , korean , english .  character insp.  :  kat stratford from 10 things i hate about you , bridget vreeland from sisterhood of traveling pants , effy stonem from skins uk , young carol rhodes from gossip girl tv series , rhonda smith , mia’s backstory from if i stay . label  /  tropes  :  hoyden , icarian , insurgent , reveller , the rebellious spirit . pinterest  :  here .  aesthetics  :   scared of commitment , but has 7 tattoos. a habit of endlessly lighting a lighter. platform boots to boost your height. but then again, sneakers for comfort while running from the cops. forgetting to discard empty cigarette packets from your bomber jacket. spilling your fifth espresso onto your drawings and designs , maybe it’s time to sleep. a frightening look on your face which millennials like to call a resting bitch face. the heat ruining your collection of leather jackets. finding comfort in your friends who seem to understand your mood swings. having a pet cat who’s as feisty as you. spontaneous adventures live inside your head and your friends fall victim to those ideas. liking the rays of the sun more than the moon despite being a night owl. oversleeps anyway. trimming your bangs yourself because you couldn’t be bothered to go to the salon. overcooking your sunny side up eggs. sleeping to forget problems. drinking to forget problems. epitome of a ride or die. 

*  𝖋𝖎𝖗𝖘𝖙 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗    ╱  ᴘᴀꜱᴛ   .

aoki imojen was born to understand what it was to live a life with no structure. her father was part of a rising band in the 90s, toured all over small venues in japan that they slowly rose to a known local name, and imojen has seen all the chaos unfold from backstage in the arms of her mom. however, slowly transitioning into the year of 2000s, the economy was still struggling from the lost decade and the income from touring never sufficed for a growing family. imojen’s father was forced to leave the music scene with the help of her mother’s influence: “it’s time to be serious”; and work multiple jobs in order to fully provide for his first child and the another growing one inside his wife’s womb. 

growing up, imojen’s no stranger to music and her father loved to introduce rock music and bands to imojen’s upbringing. she adored b’z and the gazette, and it leaves no doubt that imojen’s father had been her greatest influence in life. as she grew older, not only did they share identical music preferences and influences, but imojen’s learned to play various instruments— the bass being her favorite. imojen’s also stemmed from that infamous reckless behavior his father’s known for back in the day, and when the teenage years came, so did the impetuous reputation begin. 

imojen and her mother aren’t exactly as close as she was with her father. in fact, their relationship was a toe out of the civil line. it got worse when imojen started to focus on the band she created with friends instead of school and late night practices turned to never returning home for a few days and having the audacity to blatantly lie when asked where she was when asked. it’s hard not to blame her mother when she assumed things for the worst. imojen’s gone quite defiant especially when she discovered that her and her father’s relationship had began to run askew. imojen blames her mother’s interference with her father’s music career as much as her father did, she loved him so much that she was completely blindsided to always take his side. and when the divorce papers came and went, imojen chose her father as she always would. 

her father got a job as a musician locally and eventually overseas, however, money didn’t come by so fast and easy initially. instead of going to university, imojen invested in learning the arts in tattoo design and worked as a tattoo artist to help with the bills. the pair finally thought to settle in korea when imojen’s father got a permanent job. and at this time, imojen has decided to try pursue a career as a musician as well, hoping that the thrill in her early band days are still well stored in her system. 

*  𝖘𝖊𝖈𝖔𝖓𝖉 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗    ╱  ᴘʀᴇꜱᴇɴᴛ   .

imojen can never be satisfied of living in the same area for so long, or at least under the roof with the watchful eye of her father. work’s payed well and imojen decided to move out and get an apartment of her own. hence, she found dallyeog, parties almost every single day, drags everyone into spontaneous adventures, comes home terribly drunk and wakes up with a huge hangover—well, still pretty normal. aside from the norm, imojen working at the tattoo parlor and taking gigs at bars as a bassist, imojen’s investing in writing music as well. she hopes one day to finally finish at least one song she’s been procrastinating for far too long and convince her father to make them a rock duo instead, but a band of her own would fantastic too.  

*  𝖙𝖍𝖎𝖗𝖉 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗    ╱  ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀ   .

imojen looks quite mean at first glance, and it doesn’t help that she’s indifferent towards anyone who isn’t part of already her friend. she doesn’t hate, hate is such a strong word, she simply doesn’t have the attention span for people that don’t interest her or she doesn’t know fully well to enjoy a conversation with.

honestly has the gina linetti energy “how was i supposed to know there’d be consequences for my actions” as she literally does anything she wants before her brain can even weigh the pros and cons to it.

imojen enjoys taking risks despite the relaxed attitude and seemingly nonchalant view in life. it might be a surprise to learn that she’s quite ambitious, but underneath, she does aim for the highs (both meanings) in life, except there isn’t exactly a time frame for those and would much rather pursue them steadily. 

everyone can depend on imojen to have a good time, or if someone needed a friend to vent to, she can surprisingly be all ears, but never follow her words of advice. she does mean well, it’s just that she doesn’t know what she’s saying half the time and is quite reckless,, like ask her to pick between two choices and she’ll advice you to take the riskier one bc “it’s fun don’t be a prude”.

she is more sympathetic than she let on. imojen’s not very vocal especially with her emotions and on what she exactly feels about other people’s situation. serious conversations? catch her yeet away from those. they render her uncomfortable, most especially if it is about her. however, seeing her friends gloomy doesn’t sit right with her that she does anything to make them crack a smile. 

believes that people should be left to roam free and that authority is useless and ruins the fun— hence why she’d always be caught defying them. yes, she uses her brain, but acts more towards intuition and what she felt like doing that day. so yes, she might loves setting her life on the line.

*   𝖋𝖔𝖚𝖗𝖙𝖍 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗   ╱  ᴡᴀɴᴛᴇᴅ ᴄᴏɴɴᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴꜱ .

plastic hearts   ╱   someone whom imojen shares a passion for music with. the both of you are like peas in a pod as you both are in the same wavelengths as each other. they may not have the same types of music, but open enough to share a plethora of music playlists.

angels like you   ╱   the typical bad-good influence trope wherein imojen’s reckless behavior and liberated thoughts on legalities have gotten your muse in various dangerous but fun adventures. on a flip, your muse may be the reason why imojen’s woken up at 8 in the morning, bright, well, and not hungover.

prisoner   ╱   an angsty and toxic relationship that imojen could not get enough of. everyone sees this partnership (romantic or platonic) of destructive nature, both of you may or may not know, but regardless it can never be broke off no matter how hard both try. 

gimme what i want   ╱   the typical fwb relationship, we can add spice to it, but on the base that’s the idea. 

night crawling   ╱   imojen’s ride or die, the person she would instantly run to for an adventure, midnight strolls, alcohol escapades, and vandalism. but as things you both do burst into haywire, you’re both aren’t afraid to be open to each other too and spill secrets or bodies hidden in the closet. 

midnight sky   ╱   perhaps a new acquaintance?? friend?? that doesn’t exactly have a first good impression of imojen?? maybe vomited on your muse the first time they met, or jen was really mean for no reason under the influence of alcohol?? she’s chaotic so perhaps it wasn’t a good first meeting. 

bad karma   ╱   imojen hasn’t been exactly an angel all her life, and perhaps karma has run around to bite her in her ass. your muse might’ve been somebody who hurt imojen; either a terrible break up or severing trust, let’s explore :D 

golden g string    ╱   a band :D maybe nothing too serious, just a group of pals playing and making music together :D  or maybe the group's been playing gigs for awhile now and wants to head into the big leagues :D

honestly im so down with anything so !!!!!!

[oradevilredeemed]

Gossip Girl Rewatch

I decided to rewatch GG for the first time in 8(?) years. I haven’t touched the show since it ended and it’s interesting the views that have and haven’t changed. For my own amusement, the big things I liked/hated I will discuss as well as any other significant changes.

Chuck and Blair

You know what, yeah they were toxic but honestly I still ship them as much as I did before. Not only that but from season 1 to 4 we saw how they could be good and right for each other but also how they could be so wrong and destructive. From the end of season 2 we knew clearly they loved each other in an all consuming way but they were both broken and Chuck so much more so (honestly talk about the worst family and childhood ever) that they didn’t know how to handle or put limits on that amount of love. By having both let go at the end of season 4 we had season 5 to see Chuck become a man worthy of love through his relationships to others (Monkey is cute as) and through therapy which I wish we had seen and heard more of - he never went to Blair with a hidden agenda to bring her into his orbit for romance, he only did that once when Dan set it up because it was clear that in that moment Blair’s happiness included Chuck and then the next episode to try and understand what had changed and then because her own mother asked him. During that season we even got the clear juxtaposition of his former self by having Bart there to see just how much better he was at handling emotions and life changes.

While Blair got to explore the other types of love to determine which she wanted for herself in season 5, as Blair said herself it was her season to “run away and try to kill” that intense love that had her losing her way. She had always had a fairytale in mind and she got it and it nearly destroyed her and everything that made Blair herself. She then got her simple love, that was easy and she was content but ultimately that wasn’t for Blair who has always been passionate about something. The difference was this time she wanted the passionate but knew who she was as a sole person, she finally saw herself and had validation from the one person more influential then Chuck - her mother. In season 6 I appreciated the second time around how they had this understanding and communication over them wanting to set up a future for themselves separate from their relationship before fully committing and building their lives together. This help Blair complete her powerful women arc and also helped end Chuck’s history of unhealthiness in dealing with business and Blair - he kept her separate until he needed to scheme and them scheming together, using powers for good was never framed as a bad thing but as part of there skill as a lower couple. I also loved how naturally they both could fit in and help the other achieve what they wanted in a true partnership, demonstrating the way they knew each other, could bring out the best in each other and work as a team. Funnily enough watching it again I have a new head canon of Chuck and Blair in the 5 year time jump and beyond with them actually having one of the most settled and “normal” relationships and lives because they got their not boring out during the show and the circumstances of their wedding - normal would probably be a relief lol.

Season 5

I didn’t actually watch a lot of season 5 when it aired because I couldn’t but I read reviews and such and I hated majority of what I read. But forcing myself to watch it I...still hated it. Louis stayed way to long and Blair was just a bad character. I appreciated her friendship with Dan, but the relationship just wasn’t one I could get onboard with; something always felt off. I also loved Chuck working on himself, his friendship with Dan, and Monkey was pointless but cute so I enjoyed that and Chuck just really given things and his happiness up for Blair’s until it became obvious that Blair’s happiness lead back to him. I liked seeing the darker side of Serena but wish she had joined forces with Nate and Chuck more. The 100th episode was not “a love letter” and I stick by that. I used to hate but now love that Bart came back and was everything Chuck had imagined him to be. The first half of season 5 tonally felt like a completely different show so even though I didn’t like the Dair relationship it was easier and more enjoyable to watch than Louis.

Dan and Blair

I used to hate everything about them together, but now I enjoy their friendship and wish they had kept that between them. I didn’t like how Blair went back to judging his status in season 6. That brings me to the one thing I really dislike and that is how they ended. It was obviously done to cause some drama in season 6 but I feel there could have been a great moment of conversation between the two where they talked out her choosing Chuck and they could have maintained a friendship. Romantically I didn’t buy it, to me I found it one sided or just off somehow but I understand why others could ship them but it’s not for me and I was happy for it to be a relationship that led them (more so Blair) to an understanding of what they want. For Blair it was that while she could have safe and easy love and be content she would rather the passionate love that could bring her to the happiest she has ever been. For Dan I would say he wanted that role of ultimate insider.

Dan and Serena

I always liked season one and to a lesser extent season 2 versions of them. But afterwards initially no, I hated that they ended the show together and thought both (Serena) could do better. However, rewatching knowing what I know now (Dan is GG) is slightly different. I still love season 1 and to a lesser extent season 2 them but I found myself actually rooting for season 6 them, I felt the shock again when it was revealed that Dan had set things up but I also understood him a lot more that the feelings were genuine. I also could see why Serena could be so forgiving especially after her GG stint in season 5. The one thing I still disagree with though is the line that Dan being GG was him writing a love letter to them all, just no girl. I will say though that may head canon for them is that in between that 5 year time jump their relationship was still a little back and forth and not as settled as Chuck and Blair which I use Lily’s line of “I never thought we would get here” as my proof.

Bart’s Return

Oh I did not like that when it aired. I found it so soapy but on rewatch yes it was soapy but I also loved to see not only that Bart was exactly as Chuck imagined (and that we had actually seen - remember he was the one who swayed Chuck as the end of season one) but we also saw how Chuck was different to him and how he had grown. Chuck was fairly open about his feelings to Bart, even initially instigating a hug until it was clear that Bart and his feelings equal weakness self was there. In season 6 I found the decision to take down Bart extreme and a soapy device but they had set Bart up as this ultimate powerful bad guy that would have destroyed everyone’s lives so the only way for it to end was by him dying again.

Vanessa

I hated her on the first watch but on the second one I didn’t but I also can almost pin point the second that they had no clue what to do with her. On rewatch I actually liked her character but also feel like she was treated badly by other characters and ultimately the writers. I wish we had gotten a small glimpse of what she was up to after the time jump (she was the only character we didn’t see then) but I will stick with my initial thought that her season 3 faux dreadlock look was not it.

Rufus and Lily

On initial viewing I was really disappointed that they didn’t end up together and that she ended up with William but on rewatch. I think it made an odd amount of sense. Lily and Rufus had a lot of love but ultimately were different in fundamental ways that just couldn’t transpire to long term happiness. William blackmailing his way into her life was (funny I laughed when Ivy was going off) not great but out of everything in Lily’s life that was the least of issues. I do still love the call back to the end of season 1 though by having Lisa Loeb end up with Rufus.

Blair and Serena

Not much changed with my opinions but I will say I could see the systematic way they slowly broke Blair and Serena’s bond in season 5. Every time they called each other their best friend it started to feel insincere to the point where Blair even dating Dan a guy Serena had been and was so clearly I n love with didn’t even feel like something she should consider as wrong because that was something a best friend did. I don’t know if I feel they built them up enough after the events of season 5 but I also believe they wanted there friendship instead of being “stuck with each other” as Blair so elegant put in the season 6 premiere.

I’m sure there are a lot of other thoughts I have forgotten and some I have communicated terribly but ultimately I was surprised to find myself actually enjoying the rewatch. Watching in binge form was definitely an appeal but it also gave me some understanding and enjoyment to storylines I had previously disliked.

[myssparklesbookrants]

FICTIONAL CHARACTERS I WISH WERE TRUE SO THAT I COULD DATE THEM or stare at them from afar

HIWow! It was hard choosing a first topic to talk about. I felt like I needed to talk about something big and glamorous to blow the brains out of… of someone. But alas, this is my best, for now..

So, I chose the first one that I had listed on the top of my head ever since I first started reading.

<ta da!>

BOOK BOYFRIENDS!

This is a list of MEN or BOYS who tickle the romantic bone just right! (I had dreamed that there was such an organ in the human body, just near the stomach)

I selected these FICTIONAL BOYFRIENDS as potential members of my harem If I ever defy normal Filipino conceptions of marriage and take up polyandry.

The criteria I used is simple.

  Choose the fictional partners that I can imagine existing in real life  (not too much of an alpha and rich or good looking that borders on unbelievable). The type of characters that I can imagine talking to, who I find fascinating and can be a potential long-time partner, casual hook up or best friend.

 I originally wanted to stick to 10. But as I wrote, a lot of names popped up and I can’t not put them in the list but still, I am sure after I have this article published (Char! Haha) there will be a lot of “Shoot! Why did I not put him on the list???” exclamations. So, maybe I will eventually make another continuation list???

This list is based on the BOOKS I READ so if  you have a bet that I didn’t list, please don’t hesitate to give a recom. A new book to swoon over is always welcome.

 Most Importantly: READ THE BOOKS WHERE THESE AMAZING CHARACTERS CAME FROM. I liked them because of their wit, their personality, how they interacted with other people, their dreams and how their love for their other half made them better people or vice versa. MEANING: THE BOOK WAS WICKED AWESOME AND THE AUTHOR WAS A GOOD STORYTELLER.

(I must apologize for the lack of female to female romantic partner mentions given my current lack of FF Romance reads, which is something I will rectify soon. But if you have recommendations, feel free to comment below and maybe add some MM ones too!)

Anyway, meet…

1. Clayton Danvers and Lucas Cortez

Kelley Armstrong’s  Women of the Underworld Series

Genre: Horror fiction, Paranormal romance, Urban fantasy 

This series is adapted on screen called ‘Bitten’ which is available on Netflix.

Clayton Danvers is the strong, silent, and smart type. He is a professor in a university where he met Elena(his student) and a werewolf! His devotion to Elena was sweet, passionate and faithful to the point that bordered on obsessive but not off putting. The best thing about him was how un-Alpha he was. Although he was strong , his relationship with Elena was a partnership.

This is what romance needs today guys! A PARTNER not a rich and condescending daddy!

Lucas Cortez, on the other hand, is a lawyer/sorcerer, young master of a Cabal Group, who informally separates from his family's company to pursue a life as a lawyer protecting the rights of other magical beings against abusive Cabals(including his family's). Unlike Clayton, he was slender with brown eyes behind glasses. So basically, a cute, smart nerd who is the 'good' black sheep of the family.

(they are in separate books with different female romantic partners)

2. Quinn Sullivan

Penny Reid’s Neanderthal Meets Human

Genre: Contemporary Romance

Quin…*sighs*... So awesome! He was quiet, mysterious,unsmiling, rich and had an almost perfect handsome face. I love that the author imagined small flaws like almost unnoticeable  crooked bottom front teeth and differing sizes of his ears with one prominent feature -his hawk-like stare. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, he took Janie's quirkiness in stride. Asking questions, debating, protecting, annoying, kissing…. You know the drill..😉

3. Beau Winston

Penny Reid’s Beard in Mind

Genre: Contemporary Romance

On first read, Beau was a good looking, charming good boy who is looking for his path after his twin, Duane left to pursue his own.

What I loved about him was how he dealt with Shelley's(Quinn's Sister) clinically diagnosed mental illness(OCD). He researched about it and made efforts to make it easier for her and was just overall supportive. 

It was awesome how much the author has put an effort in researching OCD facts to make details perfectly accurate and how it was NOT at all a hastily placed plot device to get the story going. 

4.Ted Beaudine

Susan Elizabeth Phillips’ Call Me Irresistible

Genre: Contemporary Romance

Hello to my favorite romance book of all time!

 I think I have read this many times already and have to put off re-reading it again for next year(2021)  to give my brain some time to forget some of the plot. We need to keep the mystery going! amiright??

Anyway, Ted was the perfect genius, good boy and people pleasing guy. He is perfectly polite, straight laced  and has basically carried the whole town in his muscled shoulders for years. (Did I tell you he was the Mayor?) 

Meg's carefree life and struggles basically tickled his good boy bone the wrong way.

Read this novel to witness how a perfect boy and wastrel girl turned out in the end. Seriously Please Read!

5.  Patrick Jason 'Pick' Ryan

Linda Kage' Be My Hero

Genre: Contemporary Romance

  He was the tattoed, orphan softie on the wrong side of town who thankfully did not grow up a thug because of a vision he got when he was young from a moled witch.

One day, his tinkerbell, the star of his visions, enters the bar he works at, but PREGNANT!

Gosh! I loved this so much. This was part of the Forbidden Men Series but can read as a stand alone. Although, I advise you to read the other books also, they were all awesome!

6. Colin Bridgerton

 Julia Quin’s Bridgerton Series

Genre: Historical Fiction/ Romance

Charming, green eyed and younger son, Colin was considered a catch of the ton.

He had a case of wanderlust and couldn't stay at one place without getting an itch. I can't say more without giving a major spoiler, but I loved that the author made him major insecurities.

Because secretly,too perfect is boring, right??

7. Sean Cassidy

Penny Reid and L.H Cosway's  The Player and the Pixie

Genre: Contemporary Romance

Wewowewowewo. *sexy flames* 

Imagine a gorgeous jerk of a jock with sexual inexperience and a rainbow haired goody goody shoes girl (whose brother is his ultimate enemy) who is willing to be the TEACHER!

But it was more than that, I liked how the authors highlighted the perils of kleptomania, the privilege of the rich and how gorgeous jerks are set straight by their women who would not suffer in a relationship with a class A insensitive jerk just because he was good looking and rich.

This was a ride! I lost count how many times I re-read this book.

8. Elend Venture

Branson Sanderson’s Mistborn Trilogy

Genre: High Fantasy

Elend was the angsty boy part of the elite class who is disgusted by his privilege and looks for ways to make the government better by reading outlawed books that spark rebellious and forward ideas. In short, he was a closet revolutionary.

Throughout the series there were some major changes in his life from a closet reader to a person who pursues ideas he just once read in books?

How do they say it? Walk the talk or in his case, Walk the read? (talking about it would mean death)

9.Archer Devereux

April White’s The Immortal Descendants Series

Genre: Time Travel Romance/ Historical Fantasy

Dumdumdumdum. Imagine a conservative college boy from the past your future self time traveled in, spends time with you, helps you in your quest, likes you secretly and is shy about it and becomes a vampire stuck in immortality waiting to meet the 'present' you.

Talk about love lasting through time! This was a great book if you love time travel stories with historically accurate and interesting facts injected heavily into the story! 

10. Rupert Carsington

Loretta Chase’ Mr. Impossible

Genre: Historical Fiction/Romance

A hellion younger son of an earl who loves an adventurous carefree life who is without inhibition, just goes along the ride and has a set of surprisingly caring and dependable muscled shoulders.

Meets a beautiful tempered scholar who needs his help finding his kidnapped brother in the sands of Egypt.

This is perfect for those who love adventure romances, and topics on the papyrus, mummies and the french and British looting conflict in the African colonies.

11. Sebastian Ballister

Loretta Chase’ Lord of Scoundrels

Genre: Historical Fiction/Romance

My favorite Historical Romance book ever!! Like Ted Beaudine's book, I try to read this at least once or twice a year to forget some of the plot and keep the mystery going.

He was called the Marquess of Dain and has been raising hell since childhood and in the present day France where he meets the blue stocking Jessica. The author throughout the book continually refers to them as the Beauty and the Beast.

What makes this book SPECIAL is how intelligent, witty and funny most of their conversations were. It's funny how many books are under many sexy, funny and witty lists on goodreads but only some of those on the list are actually true! THIS BOOK IS ONE OF THEM!

Jess was not annoying or shy or too much of a fighter and Dain was not too obnoxious. It was perfect.

And if you have not read this book or others from this author or genre, I command you to start reading after you finish this article.Break some cherries!

12.  Hardy Cates

Liza Kleypas’ Blue Eyed Devil

Genre: Contemporary Romance

A blue neck Town boy chasing dreams outside of town to leave the shithole of a living. He has white knight complexes but leaves the damsel in distress after the case is solved. Also, muscular and has the blunt and bluest  eyes on Texas 

This book I have also reread many times because it talks about dealing with domestic abuse and moving on after an abusive relationship, dealing with people who have narcissistic disorder and the life of the privileged.

13. Connor ‘Mad’ Rogan

Illona Andrews’ Hidden Legacy Series

Genre: Paranormal Romance (PNR)

Wootwootwoot. Imagine a former military but now head of the House 'Mad' Rogan successfully publicly kidnapping you in broad daylight using only wads of cloth. Talk about a powerful telekinetic! 

I loved that he was once again, A partner in the relationship and not an overprotective ape despite him being awfully more powerful than Nevada.

14.Phil Tucker

Jennifer Crusie Welcome to Temptation

Genre: Contemporary Romance

This is written by an author whose ALL BOOKS WRITTEN i have read and loved.

 Phil is part of a long line of male Mayors in the family and meets almost fugitive-like Sophie. 

Read as they deal with each other, try to take down a production of town porn video, deal with an enemy, try to dirty Phil down to win the next election and spend time reading a romance classic.

15.  Ansel Guillaume

Christina Lauren’s Sweet Filthy Boy

Genre: Contemporary Romance

Known for the many explicit sexy times that can be read throughout the book. So, if you want to stay green in the ears, skip this one till you're legal.

Ansel is a sweet, full of life French Lawyer celebrating with friends in LA and Mia with her friends also, celebrating their newly graduated from college selves.

Ansel is soft, a daydreamer, magnificent bringer of orgasms and game with all things Mia is willing to do.

They married through Elvis and decided to not divorce yet to explore the beautiful France and a  possibility of a good relationship.

AND DONE!

I actually have a lot more but these are for now.

CONSIDER THIS LIST AS A BOOK RECOMMENDATION FOR AWESOME ROMANCES WITH WELL WRITTEN AND SWOON WORTHY CHARACTERS 

Topic for my next blog entry:

How to Find the Next Good Book to Read:

A Guide to Good Sources of Book Recommendations

[judgmentofcorruption]

Episode 3–He Dies in the Snow Field; Scene 5

Judgment of Corruption, pages 98-104

Kayo living in Pixie had been a complete lie.

“I’m not so foolishly honest as to write down where I live in documents like that.”

Gallerian had protested that this was an illegal act, but Kayo didn’t pay any mind to that at all.

“If you’re going to prosecute me for it, do as you like.”

It was a provocation done with the knowledge that Gallerian was in no position to do that right now.

Naturally, even if he wasn’t in this situation, Gallerian would never have taken legal action against her. It was for the purpose of making her his collaborator that he had declared her innocent, after all.

--To give the main points of the explanation Kayo gave after that, this was the gist of it:

This facility, “Lunaca Labora”, was one of the places where she could rest. Only one of them—Kayo’s place of residence was not set in stone. Given her position, she apparently had several hiding places prepared in every region.

Just as Hel said, Lunaca Labora was an artifact of the old era. Kayo didn’t say how it was that she found this place, but she did explain in brief regarding its origins.

In the old era there had been the Magic Kingdom. In it was a researcher by the name of Seth Twiright, and supposedly “Lunaca Labora” was a research facility that he had created, established secretly under the barren snow field. As it was belowground it sustained very little damage from the “Great Catastrophe” that destroyed the Magic Kingdom, and remained on until the present day in its current state.

She said that here they were able to conduct medical procedures that surpassed modern science. It was proof that the Magic Kingdom had possessed incredibly advanced technology that defied what was normally possible, and it made sense that Hel’s father Heaven Jaakko had been searching for it so desperately.

After the “Great Catastrophe”, Seth had created a sorceress here.

“’The Red Cat Sorceress’—Are you familiar with that name?” Kayo asked Gallerian.

“…That figure has popped up several times, historically. There’s ‘IR’, who was said to be involved with the Venomania Event, ‘AB-CIR’ who was the owner of the Heartbeat Clocktower, and ‘Abyss IR’ who worked behind the scenes before and after the Lucifenian Revolution—"

“I’m impressed. That’s quite extensive knowledge you have.”

“I learned that during my course on violations of the special laws on magic. Any student of Levin University’s law school would know it.”

“This place was where that ‘Red Cat Sorceress’ was born. Seth put the soul of a girl on the verge of death inside a red cat plushy. The red cat became immortal with magical powers, and had the power to bend people to her will—”

“Where did you get this information? That wasn’t written anywhere in my textbook, at the very least.”

Kayo only gave a thin smile, not answering the question.

“…Well, whatever. If nothing else, it’s clear that you have a very detailed knowledge of magic. That is what I was seeking.”

Gallerian told her of his idea that he needed someone with knowledge on “witches” to reform the witch trials.

“—I see. So that’s why you declared me innocent.”

“Please work with me. You must know yourself, don’t you? Who I am the son of.”

“…Yes. Of course.”

“If you revere Elluka, then—”

“Wait a moment. We have something that takes priority over that right now, don’t you think? …I will give the matter some thought. However—first we must take care of Loki.”

“I have one more question on that. You—all of you, seem to have some grudge against Loki, but why is that? He himself is little more than a mere judge, like me.”

“Rather than Loki—it’s more his family…Really, it’s the Freezis Conglomerate we want to do something about. Though, well, all of our views on that do differ slightly.”

And then Kayo began to talk about her own motives.

“Elluka Ma Clockworker had received the patronage of the Freezis Conglomerate. The people who led it were trying to use the considerable magical power that she possessed to grant their fondest wish.”

“Their ‘fondest wish’?”

“Immortality… This, at least, is not something that one can gain so easily no matter how much money you have. This is something that started in the era of Shaw Freezis, the founder of the conglomerate’s previous incarnation, the Freezis Foundation. In actuality, Shaw had been able to secure an extremely long lifespan through the use of magical power. …Think this absurd, do you?”

“…I’ll hold back on voicing my opinion for now. Please continue.”

“That is why by all rights Elluka should never have been captured by the World Police, and even if she had she should have been judged innocent at the trial. It was known at the time that Hanma, the Dark Star Courthouse director, would change the verdict. But things didn’t play out that way. –She was betrayed. By the conglomerate,” Kayo said, her expression twisting.

“Are you sure of that? Or is it just your theory?”

“It’s fact. I heard all this from internal members of the Freezis Conglomerate.”

Kayo looked around at all the people around them.

“Beginning with Bruno, and excluding you and I, everyone here works for them—publicly, at least.”

“Everyone--Even…even that tiger-looking person there?”

“You mean Feng? I hear he’s kept on as a pet.”

The tiger—Feng--made a small groan. “…Though extremely reluctantly. It’s the only way I can afford my food.”

Gallerian closed his eyes. He appeared to be sorting through Kayo’s story just then in his head.

“—If what you say is true…Then the mastermind responsible for killing my mother—”

“Is the Freezis Conglomerate. They realized that they could not attain immortality even through Elluka’s magic. And so, to exterminate Elluka and her allies who stood as obstacles for them, they started a certain ‘hoax’. They took the bizarre events that were beginning to happen all over the world, and created the public idea that it was the work of ‘sorceresses’—or rather, ‘witches’.”

“I feel like you’ve gotten a little ahead of yourself there. You haven’t explained why the ‘witch hunts’ are still going on now that my mother is gone.”

“The conglomerate wishes to destroy all the sorcerers and sorceresses in this world. If they cannot be useful to them, then those who can use ‘magic’ that exceeds the scope of human knowledge are nothing more than a threat. Think this sounds crazy? It is crazy. The Freezis family has become a band of madmen who have forgotten the noble spirit that their ancestor once held.”

“…And Loki? Does he know all of this?”

“Who knows? But I’d wager he doesn’t. He was a child barely come into his own awareness when Elluka was executed. It is certain however that he is a member of the crazed Freezis Family. …You’ve had experience with that yourself, yes?”

“…I had always thought that Loki was a purely good person.”

“Perhaps he is that. But purity isn’t necessarily the right thing. There is ‘pure evil’ too—those who are called ‘HER’, in the old language. That is the true nature of the Freezis family as they are now.”

“…”

Gallerian appeared to be struggling to decide on what he should say.

Understandable. Kayo’s story had been a long procession of statements that were hard to grasp for the average person. Ordinarily it wouldn’t be out of turn for him to laugh it off as some ridiculous fantasy.

--Appearing to steady his nerve, Gallerian replied, fist clenched, “I still can’t trust you all. Everything you’ve told me is a bit hard to swallow. –But I am sure that you all have the intention to go against Loki. That means that our interests are aligned. …And it’s certainly true that right now I need people to work with me.”

“…I’m glad you can see reason.” Kayo put a hand on his chest. “I didn’t want to have to do anything untoward towards you if I could help it.”

“’Untoward’? Were you planning to torture me or something?”

“Rather than torture…More like ‘brainwashing’.”

“Don’t make me shiver. Cut it out. I’ve no wish to have my head be tampered with by some ancient device,” Gallerian said, holding out his right hand to Kayo. “Well…While I can’t see us becoming friendly, I do hope we work well together, Miss Kayo.”

“No need for formalities. –And I don’t much care for being called by my proper name. If it’s not too much trouble, I’d prefer you call me by my pen name, ‘Ma’.”

“Very well—Then, to our partnership, ‘Ma’.”

As a strange crew of many secrets watched on—

The two of them shook hands.

.

--Life, or rather fate, is a progression of crossroads.

So then, I wonder if Gallerian’s choice will ultimately have been the correct one.

That will probably become clear through some more observation.

.

…Though I’m betting that he’s made a mistake!

<<prev------directory------next>>

[lucyoftheabyss48]

Top 6 Spring 2020 Anime to Watch

I was going to make this a Top 10, but it got way too long, so I cut it to 6. (Also above pic is from BNA)

Anyway, these are the Top 6 Spring 2020 Anime that I personally think will be worth watching. For all of these included in the list, I have watched at least the first episode. But of course, this list will be very biased, because my beloved Studio Trigger finally has another show again.

I won’t be including sequels (but I’m watching Fruits Basket S2, Ascendance of a Bookworm S2, and I’m trying to catch up on Kaguya-sama and Tsugumomo)

Let’s start from Number 6. May contain vague spoilers for the first episodes of these shows. More below!

6. Gal to Kyouryuu

This one looks like trash. I know. I know, but give it a chance. Maybe all you’ll get out of it is its comedy and strangeness, and its wacky live action second half. But just let me tell you the best part of this show, and why it’s so high on my list.

First, a quick summary. A gyaru (gal) girl takes in a dinosaur that she found one day, and they spend their time just living life together. That’s it.

That is it, but I think there’s more to it than just that. This gal girl, Kaede, from what I can tell, has just been going through the motions in life. She felt bored and uninspired and unmotivated. Her life was just work, and whatever fun things she could find to fill up her free time.

But when she brings in the dinosaur, despite her many complaints, she still cares for him and thinks of him and is considerate towards him. And for her to have someone by her side, and looking to her as a companion to face life together, side by side, creates a little more fun and a little more motivation in her own life.

This isn’t a deep show or anything. I don’t think there’s some dark hidden message, unless you want to look at it that way. It’s a sweet little show about the relationship between two lost and lonely people, finding their way in life together. One of them just happens to be a cute dinosaur.

Which amazingly, no one seems to question. I think that’s great, because it just cuts out that whole obstacle of others coming to terms with the dinosaur’s existence, and goes straight to him as just an individual character, and his relationship with Kaede.

It’s just really sweet, I can’t say this enough. It might be a little subtle. But just watch out for the things that Kaede does for the dinosaur, like how she seriously thinks about what she can do to help him. I also think the dinosaur definitely helps Kaede let down her guard and be more relaxed about some things. Both their lives are just brighter with each other than without.

(Edit after seeing Episode 2, SPOILERS: Never mind about this not being deep or dark, the ending of Episode 2 has changed my mind!! Please watch it, and let’s discuss theories!!!)

5. Arte

If you’ve read any of my past essays, maybe you’ve found out by now that I live for the dynamic between really great and supportive partnerships. And maybe you’ve also found out by now that most of this list consists of said partnerships. Arte definitely has one too.

So Arte is about a noblewoman who wants to be an artist, but everyone is against that, because she’s a woman, and women at that time don’t become artists. And moreover, she’s a noble, and so she needs to be ladylike and get married so she can continue to live a comfy life.

Basically that’s the premise, and Arte goes about trying to find her path to becoming an artist. She eventually becomes the apprentice of someone we all know: Leonardo da Vinci.

If you like art, if you like history and historical figures (read: if you’re a Fate fan like me), or if you just like a cool and determined female MC, then this is for you. I would say this is comparable to Ascendance of a Bookworm, or the anime movie Miss Hokusai. It’ll probably have equal parts lighthearted comedy and darker seriousness, and plenty of coolness from Arte and Leo both.

4. Gleipnir

I read a good chunk of the manga a year or two before this came out, so I’ve been looking forward to this. The animation in this first episode was really good quality, and it’ll probably only get better from here. The story is basically, one day, our MC Shuichi suddenly gains powers to turn into a big stuffed animal suit. Everyone who has these powers to transform has entered into a big battle royale to the death to collect the most coins.

Shuichi just wants to live a normal life and get rid of this animal form, and Claire wants to find a certain someone (among other things). Shuichi doesn’t want to fight, doesn’t want to kill anyone — but he can’t do nothing because then he’d be killed. And he doesn’t even know yet why he was turned into this monster.

That’s where Claire comes in. She has a goal, but she doesn’t have powers like he does. She’d be killed instantly on her own, just as he would because of his hesitation. Just so you know, she gets it into her head that the best way for them both to live, and get what they both want, is for her to get inside his animal suit form, and control him from the inside.

They’d both die on their own, but together, they can survive.

I think the story is interesting and plenty mysterious. There’s a lot of good stuff to sink your teeth into. But like always, the core of the show, to me, is the dynamic between Shuichi and Claire, and how they both find purpose and motivation because of each other.

Also Shuichi’s VA is the same as Tanjirou. And Ikuto in Runway de Waratte. So that’s a plus.

3. Princess Connect! Re:Dive

So it might be easy to dismiss this as another fantasy adventure harem with the lackluster MC, but I’m going to argue for our mostly silent and robotic protagonist. We find out in the first episode when he wakes up that he lost his memory, so I would say that that’s the reason why he’s pretty emotionless. So as he interacts more with Kokkoro, and learns more about the world from her, he becomes more expressive.

I think the best example of this is his last line at the end of the first episode, which sounded a little more emotional and personal than any lines he’d said earlier.

On another note, the animation is top notch — way, way too excessively pretty and beautiful and detailed, but I ain’t complaining. The grass. The grass. Watch it, and you’ll see what I mean. And the lighting. The lighting.

The action animation and comedy both are pretty reminiscent of Konosuba. A certain character’s finishing move is pretty similar to Explosion. And like Konosuba, a lot of the appeal of this show will probably be the female characters, their wild personalities, and all the shenanigans they get into.

But also like Konosuba, there’s a small, hidden sweet side sprinkled throughout, in how their ragtag group finds friendship and companionship with each other, when they couldn’t find it elsewhere. If you look at it that way, I think this show can be sweet and deep in its own way.

2. Tower of God

This is a big one that I know lots of people have been looking forward to, as it’s an adaptation of a popular Webtoon. I haven’t read the webtoon yet, but I will eventually. I’ll just say that first, the art and animation here is really, really good. In particular, the scenery and background art is amazing, and really creates the whole atmosphere. A single change in background can change the mood in a second. You’ll see what I mean immediately in the first scene with the big door. Or a little later on with the blood splatter.

The animation of the movement in action scenes is smooth and fluid, no problems there. The art style may take some time to get used to for some people who may not like it, but it’s personally just the kind I like. Honestly it reminds me of a Shaft work. So if you like the Monogatari series, the use of art style and background art here gives a similar vibe, or at least I think so.

As for the story, it starts with Bam getting separated from Rachel, and he starts his journey to climb a tower so he can meet her again. We get pretty much no reason for why she left yet, but I think we’re in for something really good with this story.

(I’m planning on making a separate analysis essay entirely on a certain scene in the first episode, so look forward to that.)

1. BNA

Brand New Animal. Trigger’s latest work, the last few being SSSS Gridman and Darling in the Franxx, and their first movie, Promare. I am a huge Trigger fan, and I’ve been excited for this one for a while.

Our MC, Michiru, is a human, but she suddenly gets turned into a tanuki person. She seeks refuge in Anima City, because (surprise!) the humans don’t like the animal people. But not everything is as it seems in Anima City, and she teams up with the wolf person, Ogami Shiro, to find answers — thus getting caught up in something way bigger and stranger than she ever expected.

First off, if you’ve been missing the crazy and cartoonish animation from Trigger’s earlier stuff, then you’re in for a treat. This has an undeniable Kill la Kill vibe, but with Promare’s amazing popping colors and backgrounds.

If you want to say it’s another animal show, like Beastars and Zootopia, go ahead. Let’s just get that out of the way.

Moving on, Michiru escapes to Anima City, expecting it to be a place where all the animal people can live freely and be themselves. But it turned out to be a free-for-all, strongest wins type of society, where animal people are quick to betray their own kind for their own personal gain. And even side with the humans who discriminated them in the first place.

Michiru’s character will probably be a hit or miss for most people. Some might find her annoying, others charming and endearing. I like her, as I tend to like these types of characters.

But I think what’s great, is that she gets challenged. Her ideas and beliefs about both the animal people and humans are put to the test, and her suddenly becoming an animal person herself means that she’s in a unique position of being able to understand both sides. But she’s also still an outsider, and she finds that maybe neither side was really quite like what she once believed. And so, her place in either side of society will come into question for her. There’s a lot to dig into here, and I’ll probably make separate posts for BNA alone later on.

If you like Trigger, watch it. It’s probably more of a mix between Gridman and Promare than it is Kill la Kill, despite sharing many animation similarities (even a certain sports match that’s basically torn right out of Kill la Kill). If you want something that’s a little more different and subtle and intriguing than their usual works, then this is for you. If you liked Beastars, give this one a try too.

Some Extras

--that I wanted to add to this list, but I’ll just briefly put them here so this post doesn’t get any longer:

My Next Life as a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom!

Shironeko Project: Zero Chronicle

Listeners

If there’s more you think I missed, feel free to put ‘em in the replies!

Upcoming Essays:

Analysis on Orb Scene in Tower of God Episode 1

Navigating the numerous Fantasy-Adventure genre anime of the Spring 2020 Season

Various BNA essays (I’ve seen episodes 1-6 already, will be tagged for spoilers)

Gal to Kyouryuu Theories

Maybe something Fate related, it’s my recent obsession

[kylermalloy]

So, I'm curious, what is your favourite TO episode? If you are able to make a choice ;)

Oh, oh! This is one ‘favorites’ question I have no problem answering.

My favorite episode is and has always been the season 1 finale, “From a Cradle to a Grave.” Honestly, I think this is where the show peaked in its writing. I was on the edge of my seat the entire episode, just loving the excitement, the tension, the themes, and all the narrative threads coming together in one culminating, sweeping episode.

This episode is everything I love about the show. Murder, mayhem, and family :) But seriously! (Omg am I going to have to do a blow-by-blow of the episode? I think I might.)

In that case, the rest goes under a cut. (Spoilers for TO ahead!)

The episode begins with Hayley giving birth, induced by the witches who betrayed Klaus. It’s in the church, that unholy horror of a murder museum.

Intercut with the rose-tinted flashback of pregnant Hayley and Klaus feeling their baby kick, Hayley gives birth as her voiceover promises a safe home and family to “Zoe…or Caitlyn, or Angela.”

*irony* but it hurts.

Klaus and Hayley are, for once, united in the fight for their child. They’ve been at each others’ throats all season, and in the past neither have had trouble getting their way. But in this crucial hour neither the Original hybrid or the uncontrollable mama wolf can do anything.

Can I say: I love love LOVE that look Klaus and Hayley share after the baby is born. Hayley asks to hold her, and they share this…look. Listen, I’m not much of a klayley shipper, but their partnership is golden. They’ve reached a tentative agreement at this point that they’re both going to play a role in raising the baby they created. The trust and pride and satisfaction between them in this moment, despite the horrid circumstances, melts me.

And then Hayley dies.

Klaus screaming NOOOOOOO is all of us in this moment.

Oh! And I almost forgot—Klaus being pinned to the wall in that Christlike pose. That was NOT an accident. It helps tie in to the larger theme they’re going for, that Elijah expounds for us later. He’s not a sinless, perfect Christ figure—in fact, he’s the opposite. He’s the monster under the bed, the devil in the night. One might even go so far as to say he’s the symbol for everyone to pin their problems to. The ultimate scapegoat. Not to say he didn’t exert some effort of his own to get there—this is the price he has to pay for his sins. Crucified, figuratively, forced to watch helpless as his newborn daughter is taken from him and her mother slaughtered.

Then Elijah bursts in. (Bless Daniel Gillies’s funky lil run, it gives me joy in the bleakest of times)

And this, oh goodness, this quiet grief they share over Hayley. Klaus has held her body since he woke up, I’m guessing, this woman who carried his child, chafed against every controlling measure he tried to impose on her, whom he holds some degree of respect and fondness for.

And Elijah, dear Elijah. He pinned all his hopes (hee) to this woman, this werewolf Madonna and her child. He gave her more space in his heart than he’d given anyone, including women who’d haunted him for centuries. And now she’s dead, just like anyone who’s had the misfortune of sparking his affections.

Klaus healing Elijah—HEY REMEMBER EARLY IN THE SEASON WHEN KLAUS BIT ELIJAH AND LEFT HIM TO SUFFER?! Now, Klaus offers his blood without compunction, without hesitation. This time it’s Elijah who hesistates. You have to wonder, is he deliberating which nightmare he would prefer—the torture of wolf venom, or the torture of Hayley’s death and her baby’s disappearance?

“You were bested? My invincible brother?”

Klaus doesn’t rise to the bait like he normally would. He barely reacts. He’s broken. He wanted too much—he played king and gained the whole world, but lost his soul. And then his kingdom.

You see why I love this episode?

We move to the graveyard, where we see not only Klaus and Elijah trapped in a maze, but the witches preparing for a sacrifice. Let’s not gloss over their costume change, either—in the church, for the birth, they were all clad in black. But here, as they prepare for their worst atrocity yet, infanticide, they wear pure white, like they’re going to a christening or something. *irony*

Then comes *the speech* from Elijah, the one that mirrors the pilot so perfectly (I know them both by heart, thank you very much.) In the pilot, Elijah’s speech is rousing, patient, and encouraging. Here, he has lost his patience. Here, he tells us what we’ve been seeing throughout the entire season.

“This is the world you created, Niklaus. All your scheming, the enemies you have made every day do your miserable life—what results did you expect? That your child would be born into a happy life? That the mother would be alive, to know her daughter? That we could live and thrive as some sort of family?”

“That was your fantasy, brother, not mine—”

“No, brother! This was our hope. This was our family’s hope. And now she is gone.” (And then we realize that he’s not just mourning the baby, that family he imagined—he mourns Hayley.) “Do you understand? I let this person in. I let her in. I don’t let people in.”

And Klaus’s reaction! This Klaus, with compassion he deserves only for his closest family—this is the Klaus that melts me. This is the scene that slaps. This is how we tie a bow on a season—nay, a millennium—of brotherly tension. They’re not healed; nothing could truly heal the damage they’ve done to each other (or the damage others have wrought on them) but it’s a start.

And Hayley wakes.

Before I go on, let me mention Marcel. Ally, enemy, friend, surrogate son to Klaus (and that could be all in one episode!) He’s destined for death by hybrid venom, having led his vampires into a massacre. All his attempts to rally his people have failed. He’s lost the city, and his vampires have been slaughtered by Guerrera werewolves. He has almost nothing left.

He goes out, armed to forcibly obtain Klaus’s blood and heal his friends—but he upon finding Klaus he makes very on-brand choice. He saves the baby.

He does what the combined efforts of Klaus, Hayley, and Elijah can’t. He wins Klaus’s trust back by saving his newborn daughter. He protects the innocent instead of contributing to the feud. He murders the girl he once tried to save from the Harvest. And he gets to meet his baby sister.

It’s strategy and heart all in one. It’s very Marcel.

He reconciles with Klaus, and Klaus heals him. They are healed—to some degree.

Then Klaus gets to hold his child for the first time, and we all die.

This is what the season has been building up to. Yes, it’s been building to Klaus being toppled off his throne, yes it’s been building to the splintering of his ego, but THIS is what we’ve been promised since the beginning—before the beginning of the show, even. The Original hybrid, brought to his knees by this child. His child. Someone he loves without reservation. Someone who doesn’t fear him. Someone innocent, who carries none of the burdens of their family. Someone who inspires hope in the hopeless. Someone he would kill for, or die for. (he does both)

And I can’t, I just can’t with them. I love the way JoMo handles the baby in this episode—very gingerly, a little awkwardly. It’s probably been a long time since Klaus has handled a baby (one that he hasn’t eaten D: ) and it’s just. so. endearing.

Meanwhile, Davina has…brought Mikael the destroyer back to life? I remember reading somewhere that Josh was supposed to die in this episode, and while I wouldn’t dare wish to deprive Josh of the happiness (and subsequent heartbreak) awaiting him in s2 and beyond, I think Davina’s motivations would’ve made more sense here if she were seeking to avenge her friend’s death. But I digress. Davina resurrects Mikael. Oh dear.

I haven’t mentioned Genevieve yet! She is one of my favorite antagonists. At first, she seemed to come out of nowhere, and I suspect she might have stepped into the narrative hole that was originally filled by Sophie Deveraux, but regardless I like her conflict. A witch cheated out of life (by an Original, no less!) and coerced to murder by her coven, living and dead. An apologetic killer. Yikes.

Klaus and Elijah then discuss how to protect the baby (and I swear in the opening shot it looks like they’re holding hands—but alas, it’s just a trick of the camera angle.) and Hayley helps them determine that they need to send her away. And let me say, Phoebe Tonkin impressed me more with her acting in seasons 2-3, but she hurts me here too. Ouch.

We get a few expository scenes—Francesca spins the werewolf attack into a gang war (she’s not wrong), Marcel makes a deal, Oliver is still an arrogant brat, and Davina plans to keep Mikael as her secret weapon (you poor child).

Then we get the most painful scenes in the episode, because even though we know this tragedy is a lie, it’s still a loss. The baby did not die, but their pain over losing her is real. Elijah says as much: “grief, after all, is grief.”

Klaus and Cami share a scene, and this is one of my favorites of them. Klaus admits that he finds her…beautiful. And for that reason, she should stay away from him. Whether you read this as romantic or not, it’s still so good. This is a woman Klaus pinpointed as being useful, intelligent, insightful, and strong enough to handle his psyche. They began with a rather twisted relationship (let’s save that essay on autonomy for another day, shall we?) but by the end of the season they’ve shared some experiences and gained more sympathy and respect for each other. And Klaus, in his moment of clarity and grief, recognizes that he is fundamentally not what she needs. (Or we could say this is all part of the lie. We’ll never know.)

Also, let me give a shoutout to the music in this episode! The two songs that play toward the end, Open Hands and Shallows are stellar. Speaking of the end! Let’s get into the biggest surprise this episode has for us.

“In what world will she be safe without her father? Who can protect her better than we?”

“There is one person.”

Rebekah. The thousand-year-old beauty queen I honestly thought we’d never see again after her exit in episode 16. The Original sister, the girl who loved too easily, who broke her brother’s heart and incurred his wrath. Who left to live her own life, who only could leave after her favorite brother set her free. Who always wanted what she couldn’t have, a family of her own.

And here she is, smiling at Klaus even though last time they screamed themselves hoarse in a graveyard and he put an enchanted stake through her chest, inches from her heart. She loves and hates him in equal measure, but she has nothing but love for this newborn baby. It’s a peace offering and the ultimate gesture of faith. Klaus could not trust anyone else in the world with his daughter, but he will hand her over to his beloved sister. It is the PERFECT way to end the season, especially with their parting words. Rebekah wants to know the baby’s name.

“Hope. Her name is Hope.”

They’ve been planning this gimmick from day ONE, I’m telling you. Ever since the pilot, when Elijah asks, “who’s more pathetic—the man who sees hope to make his family whole again? Or the coward who only sees the world through his own fear?” And I don’t care how cliche and gimmicky it is—if I did, I wouldn’t be watching this CW show. It’s perfect. This is what the baby means. She is the hope for this broken, broken family. She’s no savior—she doesn’t have to do anything but exist. But she reminds these siblings who, after a thousand years of bloodshed and fighting, are “the definition of cursed—always and forever,” that they can be better. They don’t have to remain the shells of who they were. They can pick up the pieces and begin a new chapter.

And that’s what this episode does for me, folks. It’s honestly too much to handle. I cannot watch this episode like a normal person—I writhe and scream and laugh maniacally and recite the lines. It’s a trip.

This episode concludes the season so strongly. It’s actually a major part of why I rank season 1 as my favorite! I did an official ranking of all 5 TO seasons a while back, which was a lot of fun.

[keepyourpantsongohan]

Ayesha Liveblogs Cardcaptor Sakura S2-S3

“If you had called me, I would have fixed it for you” Get u a man who wants to fix ur bike’s flat tires

“I wonder which teacher will be in charge of us this year” I’m going to hazard a guess that it’s the one that you keep having prophetic dreams about battling in the moonlight

“Ms. Mizuki is kind, is pretty and she makes me all dreamy” lmao @ this criteria for justifying whether ur sensei is up to no good

U know, Sakura melting like 10 feet of snow bc she lost a present from her crush is exactly the type of emotions I expect from these preteens

Syaoran liking Sakura is also very funny because she’s very observant of other people so it’s like [Syaoran blushing and glancing at Sakura] [Sakura glancing back in befuddlement]

“But when you do, it means you’ll see him as well” WILL U STOP THIS OMINOUS MOONSHADOWING 

Does EVERYTHING Mizuki says have to be some kind of prophecy

Syaoran is really just becoming progressively more infatuated and embarrassed with every scene

“You’re always watching over Sakura, aren’t you?” Tomoyo doesn’t need a voice to call people out LOL

You see this is exactly my point what is the reason for having a voice card if you have a song card or vice versa what’s your logic Clow

LMAO I SHOULD’VE KNOWN:

Sakura: Why r u both here

Toya: It’s Take Your Boyfriend to Work Day

“Sakura is cheerful as usual today” “That’s all she has going for her” Very older brother kind of statement

That shot of Syaoran showing his strawberries to Yukito (and Sakura, by extension) cutting to Toya, cutting to Ms. Mizuki.... the interpersonal dynamics at play here

“You know her from before, right?” THAT’S ONE WAY TO PUT IT

**Go to jail Mizuki

“I’ll tell you in a little while” Toya is not prepared to have discussion about his Relationship History at this time

I mean I’m not an expert but isn’t Sakura’s main magical item a key wouldn’t that help with this Lock situation

YFDHSKHFKJSHFK Mizuki could you be more threatening

I assume the wind will cover up the noise of this loud magical chant

“Don’t tell dad I have a fever” 😭😭😭😭😭 Sakura you’re so little someone needs to take care of you

“If I do [stay home], I’ll trouble everyone else” SAKURAAAA 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

“It was about Sakura” TOYA’S BIG BROTHER MODE ACTIVATED

LOL TOYA’S SUSPICIOUS GLANCES ARE EVERYTHING JHDJKHFKJ HE CAN SENSE THE “GHOST” IN KERO

Well if the living plush toy didn’t give it away, the fact that Toya has already met and identified Mirror as a ghost will

Ddfhjkdhfkj Toya didn’t even pause he was just like [Sigh] ‘Guess I’m gonna feed a ghost now’

“I have a vague idea of what she’s up to” OH MY GOD TOYAAAAAA

Awww Meilin holding Sakura up to capture the Clow Card you know what that is? Growth

This kind of domestic shopping nonsense is the shenanigans I NEED

Syaoran is physically winded from running away from his feelings

OMG STOP THESE PRE-TEEN DREAMS ARE SO CORNY AND GREAT LMAO @ SYAORAN FANTASIZING ABOUT HIM AND SAKURA BEING THE LEADS IN A MOVIE TOGETHER WITH HIM GIVING THE CLOW CARDS AS A SUBSTITUTE FOR A WEDDING RING

Gljlgkdjlkgjlkf I still cannot believe they let 11-year-olds roam this freely they don’t need an adult to BOARD A TRAIN??

“They’re foretelling dreams” So if we believe this, here are the future facts:

1. Sakura’s gonna do a fashion show for Tomoyo 

2. Syaoran is going to give Sakura all the Clow Cards and maybe propose 

3. Yukito and Toya will definitely know Kero is a living creature and they’re gonna be chill with it

4. Normal battle prophecy stuff

“Seeing Ms. Mizuki... it makes me all dreamy”

*Sakura really only crushes on people that her older brother had feelings for first this is like when I was into Yugioh and Beyblade bc my brother was into them first 

**Go to jail Mizuki

“I don’t want to be the prince” Will u want to if it’s u and Sakura tho

This was pointed foreshadowing I could not have predicted

[Chanting] ALL DRAG FAIRSTYLES ALWAYS

“I just woke up” u LIAR Toya you wanted to make your baby sister breakfast

SYAORAN WHERE WERE YOU EVEN KEEPING THAT BIG OLE MAGICAL SWORD TASSLE

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS TEAMWORK COMBO ATTACK WE LOVE A PARTNERSHIP OF POWERS

“Isn’t that a guy playing the Queen” are you in any place to make a judgment Toya

“Please, seal us together” Light and Dark confirmed as Lesbian Icons

“The final decision rests with Yue, but please do your best” LMAO IS THE REASON THAT YUKITO IS ALWAYS CHILL HANGING OUT WITH HIS FIFTH GRADE BEST FRIENDS IS THAT HE IS SCOUTING THEM OUT FOR YUKITO’S NEXT DRAG SUPERHERO

U know if I did not have very hazy memories of who Yue is I could be tricked into thinking it was Mizuki lol (but then again TSUKIshiro soooooo maybe it’s obvious always lol)

“That bath sponge” “Kero is at Tomoyo’s house” ‘BATHSPONGE’ MEILIN PLS

AW rescuing lost birds turns out Syaoran has always been a sweetheart

Meilin finally gets to use her martial arts skills and help again!! Good for her

“I’m your fiancee until you find the girl you like the most” Not to put a damper on ur cousin marriage dream (stop) but that ship has sailed twice over Meilin 

“There’s another person” WELL WELL WELL HOW THE TURN TABLES MOON MAN

“Being with you is rather useful when capturing Clow Cards” is Syaoran’s way of saying “<3 <3 <3″

Syaoran is really conflicted bc he likes Yukito and he likes Sakura but when Sakura likes Yukito he wants her to like him instead this is truly a broad range of emotions for Fifth Grade Romance

Ddfjhdskfhk Kero looks so serious scouting out the intentions of the Toya’s Magical Exes Club but his face is like “>:[”

“You’re the one that uses the powers of the moon” What does this MEAN that’s supposed to be Yukito???? I am confused

“There’s no such thing as a coincidence...” “...There’s only inevitability” So now Toya’s joining the prophecy game? This is A Lot

Omg I do love the big lion version of Kero I forgot what he looked like

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BIIIIIIIIIIIITCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

“Too lenient as always” “And your personality is as bad as always” I don’t think I care for Magical Yukito he’s being a little harsh

“He completely cuts all ties between his disguise and his consciousness, so that the candidate doesn’t sense him until the Last Judgment” so his subconscious just happened to feel like being a 17-year-old boy who wanted to date Sakura’s brother LOL

DON’T BE A BITCH YUE YOU’RE FIGHTING AN ELEVEN-YEAR-OLD WHO PERCEIVES YOU AS SOMEONE SHE CARES ABOUT

Oh my god NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I DON’T WANT ANYONE TO FORGET WHO THEY LOVE

This is so fucked up kjhgkfhdg Sakura’s family forgetting her mother, Sakura and Toya forgetting Yukito, Tomoyo forgetting about caring about Sakura, Syaoran forgetting about caring about Sakura ahhhhhhhhhhh

WELL WELL WELL MS. MIZUKI CAME THRU THANKS WEIRDO

**Still jail tho

OH SHIT NEW MAGICAL STAFF I LOVE THIS AHHHHHHHHH

“I want you to be friends with me, nothing like Masters or stuff like that” SAKURAAAAAA

“You knew that Mr. Tsukishiro wasn’t a human” “Yeah” TOYA WHAT!!!

The fact that Yukito doesn’t know his other half is kind of a bitch has very Yami Bakura energy I can’t believe what I needed in my life was Yugioh but less Heterosexual

iii

“If you leave that early, Yuki won’t be there yet” So... is Toya just chill with the fact his boyfriend is the moon

I don’t want Syaoran to leave!!! He is a sweetheart and I love him

“He seems like a nice boy” is thiiis the rude boy I remember from watching this when I was a kid bc ngl I was confused when Syaoran was nice bc I remember someone being a little shit

“I didn’t mean to surprise you” said Eriol, after popping out suddenly from behind a tree

Syaoran said ‘I will only share Sakura’s affection with one (1) boy and that is Yukito’ 

“I’m not going back. I’ll be here for a while.” I can’t tell if this is a New Magical Person thing or a ‘I love my friends and don’t want them to forget me’ thing

DHJKGHKJHG this random girl just clinging to Toya’s back and eyeing Yukito like “WHATCHA GONNA DO ABOUT IT MISTER”

I guess since Meilin’s gone Nakuru’s going to fulfill the role of Unrequited Crush Gal Who Cannot Read The Emotional Room

Clow Reed really appearing to just throw Sakura’s entire life in disarray

“This is the first chance to film you in a while!” Tomoyo you have filmed Sakura going strawberry-picking and playing whack-a-mole since when do u need an excuse lmao

“I don’t think we made plans like that” again Toya since when do u and Yukito need plans aren’t you together like 22/7

Syaoran refuses to show Sakura that he’s feeling anything beyond blushing and yet he gets mad when other people are more forthright with their emotions and honestly what a teen mood

“I.. you” rude I can’t tell if Nakuru interrupted a love confession or a I Know You’re the Moon confession but either way rude 

“You don’t know? Then I’ll take him” WHAT DO U MEAANNN THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS

“Eriol is a kind person” [Thor meme voice] Is he though?

As much as the jury is still out on Yue I really do love these magical girl transformations

These group meet ups have gotten even less subtle you might be able to hide some cosplay and a plush toy but a full grown man and a lion with wings??? Gjkghkjdhgk how did they get to Penguin Park with no one noticing

There is some satisfaction in there finally being an adult (or at least a kind-of-18-year-old) on their team

Oh my god??? OH MY GOD? WHAT A POWER-UP I LOVE IT SAKURA GETTING HER OWN CHANTS AND CARDS GOOD FOR HERRRR

Poor Toya it’s worrisome when ur baby sis is a magical superhero

It’s interesting and hilarious that Yukito’s appetite is proportional to his alter ego’s use of magic

“Because she’s like you” Toya IS trying to tell Yuki that he’s a moon person awwwwwwww

If we’ve learned anything from Tomoyo’s choir recitals it’s just that perhaps singing is more dangerous than any of these kids would prefer it to be

Nakuru aside from the fact I’m pretty sure you’re a new Big Bad leave Toya alone he doesn’t want to be touched and he’s with someone already

I like that no matter how many times Yamazaki lies, Sakura always takes it in good faith

I have given up on this show having anyone have a normal relationship with their teacher (except Wei who has done nothing wrong ever in his life)

“I’m sure that the person you like is happy” shout-out to Tomoyo for being semi-well-adjusted I guess 

“The kid is being controlled by something” GUESS WHO JUST BOUGHT STRINGS FOR PUPPETS IT’S SUSPICIOUS NEW KID 

If I know my shojo manga tropes it seems like this Friend vs. Friend battle is going to lead to a Hug of Passionate Restraint

Psych it was a Hug of We Are Tired From Magical Force

Who are you British Bitch Boy with your Bitch Cat haven’t they been through enough

“I’m surprised you’ve held out this long without a single bite” do NOT eat TOYA

“And I’m not a human in the first place, so gender doesn’t really matter” I am so tired of anime creating non-binary characters only to make them evil and/or inhuman blah

I DON’T CARE FOR ANY OF THIS WE DON’T NEEEED AN EVIL ELEVEN-YEAR-OLD AND AN EVIL KERO AND AN EVIL YUE NOBODY ASKED

“Why did I buy this thing anyway” u know why Syaoran 

LMAO YUKITO DRINKING OUT OF A FULL SIZE MILK CARTON KILLS ME

“The only times I turn red or feel like my heart will explode is when I see him” Incredible it has taken Syaoran like... 18 episodes to realize his feelings for Sakura. Bisexuality be like that sometimes

SCREAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM DID YUE COME OUT JUST TO GIVE SYAORAN BACK HIS TEDDY BEAR

“The reason why you are confused when you see Yukito is because of the magic powers from the Moon that you feel from Yukito” did Yue just say ‘ur not bi ur just confused’ kjhkjdhdgkj Yue confirmed for biphobic

Really how many things does Eriol have to ruin before Sakura realizes he’s evil? The piano.... thread... a teddy bear

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG SAKURA HAS WINGS IT’S A REAL MAGICAL GIRL TRANSFORMATION AFTER ALL

You know if Elementary School Clow is NOT evil this is a really fucked up way to be teaching a lesson

Toya come help ur boy Yukito is exhausted and he doesn’t know why :(

Ahhhhhhhh this tree leaning scene is the exact and only thing I remembered about the interactions between these two before watching this now

“I don’t want you to disappear” THE ROMANCE RETURNS

“Are you doing this on purpose” Toya has had it up to here with his confessions being interrupted

BOOO Toya was right I don’t want Yue-kito to disappear either

“There is someone suited to this, but Yukito...” KJHGKJDHGJHDKJ IS TOYA GONNA BECOME THE SOURCE OF YUE’S MAGICAL POWER I’D DIE

“You knew this would happen if you called Tomoyo” I mean... Kero’s right

I don’t know that Erase in particular was necessary for the sheep but it does make me giggle to see Sakura lift playground structures

I was gonna say I’d wager ten dollars something happens to that bike after Eriol touches it but then I remembered this episode is called “Sakura and the Panicky Bike” so it’s not really even worth betting

Of course your family members are going to worry if you suddenly develop magical narcolepsy Sakura 

I LOVE that Toya’s magical powers seem to be developing more as well

I feel like not enough people are giving Sakura credit for the fact she is like 11? She hasn’t had a lot of time to work on this stuff

“I can’t let [the cards becoming ordinary] happen! I finally got to be friends with all of them” 😭😭😭😭😭 Sakura’s good heart always gets me

“What are you going to do?” SHE’S GONNA PUT HERSELF IN A MAGICAL COMA 

Cell phones are a hilarious addition to the plot and I love that they are like top of the line bc it’s the 90s lmao and that Li is include in the phone tree 

“If you collapse, I’ll catch you” KERO NO. 1 SAKURA STAN (tied with Tomoyo and Syaoran)

Lmao these siblings would be born on a Leap Day and April Fool’s respectively

SCREAM at least it’s on brand for Eriol to be a pathological liar (also RIP Sakura and Syaoran for their gullibility still)

TOYA PLAYING HIS MOTHER’S SONG REST IN PIECES MY HEART

Sdkhkhkjdhkd Toya failed confession count: 4 this time feat emotional piano ballad

Also also I will say it’s not like Yuki doesn’t come to your house VERY frequently Toya couldn’t you just tell him what you need to say the numerous times he is visiting or going with you to school

Oh hey! I share a birthday with Sakura’s great-grandfather that’s funny

“Nadeshiko was only 16 years old” YEAH SO WHY ARE YOU APOLOGIZING GRANDPA UR NOT THE ONE TRYING TO DATE TEENS U R TEACHING

I know Kero being seen on the TV is for giggles but the implication that magic makes you playable on VCR... incredible

I want to know what Toya’s gift was!!! 

Hahaha I guess that the Alice and Wonderland size-shifting would have more of an impact on Sakura’s empathy than most people 

“Two-thirds of all cats on earth right now are aliens” I mean... if we go by the cats we have met in this show.... Yamazaki’s right

“Actually, I have a rather mischievous personality” NO KIDDING ERIOL

“Where are you going” “To where the queen is” I will DIE if the Queen is Toya but I assume the Queen of Hearts will be Sakura’s mother actually since that’s the kind of anime trope that u should expect

Yue dropping Sakura like a hot potato is a little funny he can stay 

What is more ridiculous Syaoran hiding the sword behind his back or the fact it worked

“Then... it’s not Yukito?” that was one whole crush ago keep up Sakura

“I am the Queen” WELL THAT’S NOT WHAT I WAS EXPECTING AT ALL KJFHGKJHGJHGJKFHG

Current list of things that Eriol has ruined: Pianos, threads, teddy bears, sheep plushies, bikes, leaves, 

The transition to Eriol’s deep adult voice always trips me up

“Don’t hug me” “I’m going to hug you” Respect! Toya’s! Boundaries! Nakuru!!!!!!!!!!!

LOL @ Spinel’s drunken tirades I won’t lie I love this erratic behaviour

Guess Syaoran is over his Yukito crush for real but boy cannot stop running away from his feelings for Sakura poor guy

AWWWW THIS TEDDY BEAR MONTAGE OF SYAORAN BEING AT PEACE WITH HOW HE FEELS NOW

LMAO DID ERIOL JUST TRAP THESE TWO IN AN ELEVATOR TO WORK OUT THEIR INTERPERSONAL PROBLEMS THIS SHOW IS IN SUCH A WEIRD EMOTIONAL PLACE

“I’m glad for you,” said Eriol/Clow, who has repeatedly mildly traumatized these kids but seems to be like ‘it all evens out if I do some preteen matchmaking’

“Hey, can I call you Syaoran too?” Awwwwwwwwwwww that’s cute also it’s wild that in the pacing of this show despite like probably at least thirty episodes of them being friends THIS is the first ep (Ep 57!!!) that they address each other by first name

HJGJHGDHGFHJG AMAZING HOW IS SAKURA GOING TO HIDE A FULL GROWN MAN (WHO SHARES A BODY WITH THE PERSONALITY HER BROTHER LIKES!) AND A WINGED LION IN HER BEDROOM

OHJFKJSDHFKJSHDKJFHKJHFKJHKJHDKJHF I CANNOT CONVEY THE COMEDY OF THIS MOMENT IN WORDS SO:

“So that even if [my dad] was reincarnated, he would still fall in love with [my mom]” Interesting reveal that Yue was actually in love with Clow (makes sense; he’s the ‘I’m gay I’m homophobic we exist’ meme) but the only romance I will accept for Yue is if he ends up in a Greedlingfan-esque triad with Yukito and Toya and that’s that on that

Poor Yukito he must think he’s going nuts he just appears places with no memories 

Well this is hardly a fair match up Syaoran can’t be expected compete with a reincarnated ancient wizard

GOOOOOD WHY DOES ERIOL DELIVER HIS CRYPTIC MESSAGES OF ADVICE THROUGH SPORTS GAMES

“It feels more like [Eriol] is watching over someone very dear to him” Tomoyo correctly discerns that Eriol is the bearer of fucked up magic lessons

Wow Tomoyo is really here to talk Syaoran through a whole journey of emotions 

“I.. you...” OH MY GOD SYAORAN AND TOYA START THEIR CONFESSIONS IN THE SAME WAY JHHJSGFDSGJH WOW 

It’s okay Syaoran you did your best no one in your immediate social group can finish a confession it seems

“You were trying so hard so hard to confess your love for Sakura last night” Tomoyo really doesn’t pull any punches when it comes to her romantic pep talks huh

Awww Syaoran wants to tell Meilin how he feels about Sakura first 

Uh oh post-battle Meilin has taken note of Syaoran and Sakura’s use of each other’s first names

“If something happens, please think of me” AWWW Tomoyo looking out for Meilin’s feelings that’s my girl

“What makes me even madder is that I still can’t grow to hate Ms. Kinomoto” awww Meilin  

“You’re a tardy little monster” suspicious Toya is one of the best parts of this show   

The fact that Sakura doesn’t think Toya knows because he’s not making fun of her... tru sibling energy

Failed confession count: 

Toya: 5...6

Syaoran: 2

TOYA IS SUCH A SWEETHEART BUYING PRESENTS FOR THE CARD THAT PROTECTS SAKURA AHHHHHHHHH AND OMG HOW DOES HE KNOW WHAT MIRROR LOOKS LIKE

Sakura loves the cards and the cards love her I love one (1) Cardcaptor

“But now, he helps me out a lot” “That’s why I don’t like him” AWWW TOYA 

“I will see you again in your dreams tonight” could you be a bit less creepy Eriol

OH NO CURSE OF THE DISAPPEARING BOYFRIEND TOYA YOU GOTTA HUG THE MAGIC BACK INTO YUKI

Tomoyo is an impeccable wingman for Syaoran she has had his back at every step

WE LOVE A POOL PARTY EP YEEHAW 

"I don’t ever want you to disappear” Toya’s declarations are getting more passionate with each failed confession (also I see that when he grabs Yuki’s wrist he stops fading)

“If you use magic in here, you don’t know who might see you” so they’ll notice her hiding behind a half rock wall but somehow a glowing waterslide will escape their notice???

“If Sakura had used her card any later than when she did, you were going to stop your magic” I feel like that is the LEAST Eriol could do

“Do you dislike swimming now” OH HOW NICE TO CHECK IN WITH RIKA AFTER YOU ALMOST DROWN HER

“You’re just lacking experience now. I’m sure that you will be able to do it. Skiing... and other things.” “You said that before! What does that MEAN” Syaoran is tired of Eriol’s Cryptic Sports Advice too

Dghgfjdgfjhg Sakura crossing herself in preparation for hearing a scary story lmao

Current failed confession counts:

Toya: 7

Syaoran: 3

Eriol confirms he will not kill preteens in an avalanche just to teach them magic I guess they had to draw the line somewhere

“I know the truth... that in reality you are...” Does it count as a failed confession if it’s for a scene?? Also are they the leads of this student film bc if so wow

“I know what’s really going on. That you are...” Well we’re definitely up to 8 now

:(((((((((((( It really hurts Toya to see Yukito like this SAVE HIIIIIIIIM

“At this rate, Toya’s important thing will be taken away” like what his love virginity LMAO

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IT’S HAPPENING THE FACE TOUCHING THE REVEAL HFDUHFKJHFJDHFKJHDJGHJKHGJHG

“If I don’t see you, I can’t give you what I want to give you” a kiss?? LOL

“I want you to protect Sakura, and also protect yourself” OH OH OH 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH TOYA YOU’RE SO SELF-SACRIFICING THIS IS SO SWEET U WANT TO PROTECT UR SISTER AND THE LOVE OF UR LIFE SO UR GIVING UP SOMETHING THAT’S A PART OF YOU THE MELANCHOLY THE INTIMACY I’M WEEPING

“It’s obvious that you, a child, can’t support all of it” Ahhhhhhhhhh so many reveals at once poor Sakura, Toya was only helping

In truth I did not think the power exchange would happen all at once I thought it would be like recurring boyfriend whack-a-mole:

Yukito, sleepy: I’m off to battle

Toya: K bye Yuki [intimate embrace]

Yue: [Catches sleepy Toya]

“I want Yukito to know my true feelings” I mean I’m gonna tell you right now Sakura I think he’s in love with your brother and also you’re like 11 but u do u I guess

“It doesn’t matter what you are. As long as you don’t disappear and are at my side, I don’t care about anything else” Toya ur so romantic

“I’m all right. Just a little sleepy.” Oh how the narcolepsy turntables.....

I know all I want to talk about is Toya right now but he is so PATIENT and GENTLE with his sister’s feelings god

“But the person that you like the most isn’t me, Sakura” why do both halves of Yukito feel the need to moonsplain people’s feelings to them jkhfgkjjhfjhfjkh

HAHAHAH I was wondering how Yuki was going to handle this preteen love confession and he just went ‘No. Family-zoned.’

“You realized this because you have someone you like the most as well, Yukito?” 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

“Is it my big brother?” “Yeah, it is” AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

“Though I think that Toya is my number one, I’m not sure of his feelings” HE GAVE UP HIS MAGICAL POWERS FOR YOU TO BE AROUND HIM FOREVER YUKITO HOW MUCH MORE REASSURANCE DO YOU NEED

Omg the vowing to yell at each other’s future boyfriends khkdhfkdhfs I love this friendship good for them 

Eriol really DOES trap people in enclosed spaces to work out their interpersonal problems this reincarnated 11-year-old relationship therapist my god

“But if I cry or make a sad face, I’m sure Yukito would be troubled” poor sad Sakura but also I’m kind of glad she didn’t abide by Yukito like... telling her how she felt? It would’ve felt a little insincere to walk ALL of it back but I think she was mostly doing it so Yukito and Toya could be together in peace

“It’s all right. I’m sure you will find him” SYAORAAAAAAAAAAANNN

Awww Syaoran is so happy about this Grand Gesture scarf <33333333

“I knew that Sakura’s feelings for me weren’t completely the same as her feelings for her father... But I can’t delay her finding her true number one because of her feelings towards me” no shit Yuki but also maybe it was an okay call it gave Sakura a simple out

Toya’s gentle head touch as he gives Yukito reassurance aaaaaah

“He’s going to steal away something that I’ve been cherishing all this time” this is Toya’s weird way of saying he gives Syaoran and Sakura his blessing lol (lot of these blessing going around lately)

Toya’s love language is touching Yuki somewhere from the shoulders up

“I feel like he’s still alive and he’ll come to make fun of us at any moment” ur not wrong Kero

“But I’m still not you, Mr. Clow” U JUST BE URSELF SAKURA!!

What we have learned from this trip to the past so far is that Mr. Clow has always loved to give people cryptic messages and then disappear

I DID NOT EXPECT A MONTAGE OF BLOOMING FLOWERS TO BE WHAT MADE ME SHED A TEAR IN THIS ANIME BUT THE SYMBOLISM - CLOW’S WORDS - SAKURA UR SO GOOD THIS IS A NICE SHOW

“It’s Clow Reed’s fault,” said Clow Reed, eleven years old, about himself

“Why did he have to trouble Sakura so much?!” Kero said FRIENDSHIP ENDED WITH CLOW REED SAKURA IS MY NEW BEST FRIEND

I appreciate that Yue was like, ‘Gotta bring Toya with me to the battle I can’t just leave him in the street’ 

Sidenote: What made them start running in the first place was it the loss of light or was it just Yukito/Yue going ‘MY SAKURA SENSES ARE TINGLING’

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FINAL BATTLE KERO VS. SPINNEL, YUE VS. RUBY MOON, SAKURA VS. CLOW???

OH SHIT TRANSFORMING EIGHT CARDS AT ONCE WHAT A POWER UP 

Make that six cards but STILL

“Light and Dark are the first cards under our jurisdiction” I AM RIVETED 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

SCREAM THE TEAM SUN MOON STARS GROUP HUG MY CHEST WILL BURST

OH FINAL WAND!!!!!!!!! MAGICAL FRIENDS EDITION

SYAORAN HELPING HER TRANSFORM THE CARDS TEAMWORK MAKES THE DREAMWORK

“We are friends with you, right Sakura?” KEROOOOOOOO YUEEEEEEEEE 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

“I like you” [Cut to classroom] Oh awkward seems like Sakura kind of verbally left Syaoran on read for that one

“Wouldn’t conversation be more pleasant when there are tasty sweets around” Sdfhkjshfkjshfkj unbelievable Eriol-Clow wants to have his final words of wisdom delivered via tea party

“There were a couple of things that happened that weren’t expected by myself or Clow Reed” LOL he means Syaoran and Sakura and also probably Yukito and Toya jhjhdfjkh fair it’s just the never-ending charisma of these siblings 

Oh hey Ms. Mizuki what are you doing at this weird tea party (go to jail)

If Mizuki was in college when she met him he was what???? A baby??? How old ARE you Eriol

“You’re not going inside, Yue?” I was WONDERING why Yue wasn’t part of this ridiculous gathering lmao

“But I can talk of old memories... If it suits your fancy, I will talk whenever you want me to” Ahh Eriol trying to provide Yue some closure 😬

WOW ERIOL EXPLICITLY EXPLAINING THAT HE DID NOT EXPECT THE ROMANTIC DYNAMICS AT PLAY JDHJHFDGHKDHGKHDKFJ 

Omggg Sakura created a new card for Syaoran ahhhh they’re really very cute

“That bear... Can I have it?” The way these confessions were written is really VERY GOOD

What a WEIRD SHOW but u know it did something to my heart 

[wolfpawn]

I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 110

Chapter Summary - Nacelle and Rebecca's wedding comes around, leading to Tom accidentally bump into an old school friend and Danielle to meet an old workmate, with different results.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long.  This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously.

All image rights belong to their owners

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog @jessibelle-nerdy-mum @nonsensicalobsessions @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1 @winterisakiller @fairlightswiftly @salempoe @wolfsmom1

If you wish to be tagged, please let me know.

Danielle - Hey Nacelle, I will be there for noon, no need to send me a car, Tom is dropping me.

Danielle had barely put the phone down when Nacelle rang her back. ‘Hey, is everything alright?’

‘Other than the fact I cannot eat I am so nervous, things are fine here. What is this about Tom dropping you?’

‘He came home early from work, he wasn’t due back until tomorrow.’

‘And you’re only telling me this now? He’s coming, right?’

‘I…’

‘Girl, you better drag his ass along.’

‘But the meal…’

‘I think we can find space, we ordered five extra dinners, you can never be too careful.’

Tom, who had just entered the room again gave Danielle a strange look, she gave him an “are you interested” one in return. Immediately Tom walked into his closet and took out a suit with a smile, seeing if she approved of it. ‘Apparently, I need to fight for the shower now.’ Danielle laughed.

‘Just don’t get too sidetracked in there, both of you.’ Nacelle joked, ‘See you in two hours.’

‘See you then.’ Danielle put the phone on the bed and watched Tom enter the bathroom. ‘When am I supposed to shower?’

‘I’ve already showered, I need to shave though.’ Tom leant out the bathroom door.

‘Clean-shaven or a tidy?’ Danielle asked going to the door and into the small room.

‘Which would you prefer?’

‘Personally, just a trim, I love your beard.’ She gently stroked his facial hair.

‘If that is what the lady requests.’ Tom smiled.

‘What lady? Where is this bitch?’ Danielle asked with a brow raised causing Tom to laugh. ‘I am not a lady.’

‘I disagree.’

‘Tom I am about as classy as a bottle of Buckfast.’ The actor laughed beside her. ‘So, how am I supposed to shower when you are getting tidied up?’

‘Well, you only need the shower, so I can work on getting me sorted out here, you can get showered in there.’

‘Oh, we’re there now, are we? The milestone where there is nothing like privacy or anything anymore?’ Danielle joked as she took out a towel.

Tom chuckled. ‘Maybe we are.’

‘The romance is gone, so?’

Tom looked at her appalled. ‘I wouldn’t think so, do you think that?’

‘I am joking Tom.’ Danielle rolled her eyes with a smile. ‘I thought how you woke up the morning would tell you how I feel.’

Tom grinned at the memory of waking to Danielle using her rear end to rub his already hard shaft which was gently rubbing against her in his sleep before she went under the covers to further her ministrations. ‘For the record, I know I have said it already, but I want it declared properly, and clearly. I will never decline you doing such to me, ever. It was, without a shadow of a doubt, the second sexiest wake-up call I have had in the past year.’

Danielle frowned. ‘And the first?’

‘My alarm going off at five am to get you to work after our first time together. My neck ached, I was jetlagged to hell, but you were there next to me, after a night of incredible sex for the first time.’ Tom smiled at the memory. God, this year has been incredible.’

‘Glad you think so.’

Tom looked at her in concern. ‘Don’t you think it has been?’

‘To be honest, I never thought this year was ever going to actually happen.’ Tom looked at her curiously. ‘I planned all these little things in my life, a better job, get more of my nan’s, get a partnership, maybe if I was lucky; find someone nice, I think, as much as many people are finding 2017 difficult, I am not allowed complain, everything’s coming up Danielle.’

'Everyone is allowed complain a little.' Tom stated before chuckling, ‘Some things very much enjoy the words 'come' and 'up' when it comes to you.’

‘You dirty perv, we have two hours to get ready, including my hair and makeup so get yourself sorted’

‘You do that, I’ll get us something to eat.’ Tom kissed her. ‘After I shave.’

‘Thank you.’ She smiled, getting undressed and into the shower. ‘Promise you won’t go ‘Psycho’ on me.’

‘That’s not a shower curtain, you’d see me coming.’

*

Danielle hugged Nacelle as they met them after the ceremony and then moved on to Rebecca. ‘You both look amazing.’ She smiled.

Tom came behind her and gave both women a kiss on the cheek each. ‘I agree and a lovely ceremony.’

‘Thanks, it was.’ Nacelle smiled proudly. ‘And thank you both for coming.’

‘Thank you for allowing me effectively crash.’ Tom smiled.

‘You were always invited, it is hardly crashing.’ Becky laughed. ‘We’re happy you’re here, in fact, I was talking to my friend from school about it, apparently, you know her husband well. So you even have company.’

‘I am worried now.’ Tom joked.

‘Well, you went to school together apparently, and he smiled when I said you were making it, so that can’t be a bad thing, right?’

‘I wouldn’t think so.’ Tom smiled as they walked on and allowed the newlyweds to greet more of their guests. ‘I wonder who she was referencing.’

‘Who knows, we’ll find out sooner or later.’ Danielle smiled, letting him slip his hand into hers.

*

They found out at the dinner when they went to sit in their seats and the last two seats at the table were filled first by a woman Danielle had no idea who she was, but Tom seemed to have an inking and then by a laugh and Tom declared as he hugged another man.

‘Eddie, how are you?’ Tom beamed.

‘I’m well, how are you?’ The other Etonian smiled back.

‘Good, good. When Becky said someone knew me, I didn’t know if I should be worried or happy.’

‘I’m glad it seemed to be the latter.’ Eddie smiled standing next to his wife. ‘You remember my wife, Hannah.’

‘I do indeed, a pleasure to meet you again.’ Tom smiled, as he leant forward and kissed his schoolmate's wife’s cheek. ‘And I do not think you have worked with my partner, this is Danielle,’ He placed his hand the base of Danielle’s back.

‘No, we have not met but I have heard of you,’ Eddie smiled, causing Danielle to look at him worriedly. ‘Brannagh wanted to know if I was interested in a part in a movie he is doing, I hear I do not meet a very nice end should I take it, I was worried as to the logistics of it, but he assured me I would be in good hands, your name was mentioned more than once.’

‘Well, I am not going to lie, that’s made me think I am under serious pressure to not fuck up.’ Danielle stated as she moved forward to shake his hand. ‘Sorry.’

The actor doing the same greeting to her as Tom had done his wife. ‘No doubt it will be a great excursion.’ He smiled. ‘Although, I am delighted to hear you talk like that, it means you’re not one of those frosty pricks that won’t give out to an actor for sneezing on set.’

‘I’ll be honest, I am a bitch if you mess with procedure, but other than that, I am nice. I think anyway, I could be a total bitch and not know.’ She laughed.

Redmayne laughed. ‘Okay, anyone who speaks like that clearly isn’t. And you can’t be too bad if you’re with Tom.’

‘I am not sure if that is a good recommendation to any woman.’ Tom joked Hannah and Danielle shook hands and they all sat down, the two men sitting closer each other to catch up.

‘So, do you know Rebecca or Nacelle?’

‘Neither very well if I'm honest, Nacelle and Danielle have worked together a few times and hit it off.’

‘Great, so you don’t really know them either, I am not alone. I mean, I remember Nacelle from a movie and Rebecca from a contract signing, but when I heard I was coming to their wedding...I mean, Hannah and Rebecca were in school together and still meet regularly enough, but you know how it is, it can be so awkward when they all know each other and we don’t.’

‘I like to think of this event to remind me of Danielle’s situation with all things ‘me’ related. She pulls it off better though.’ he turned slightly to see Danielle next to him, speaking politely to the woman beside her.

‘She seems really nice.’ Eddie smiled. ‘Really normal and down to Earth.’

‘She is,’ Tom smiled proudly, causing Eddie to give him a knowing grin. 'Jesus, not you too, honestly, everyone is giving me that look lately.’

‘What look?’

‘The “It’s obvious where this is heading” look,’ Tom stated. ‘We are not even considering anything of the sort.’

‘So no plans to take it further yet? Ask her to move in or anything?’

‘She already lives with me, she’s done so for half a year.’

‘Seriously, already? How long are you two actually together?’

‘October, last year.’

‘And she’s alright with your work and everything?’

‘She understands it, same as I do her, we’re busy, but we’ve juggled it this far.’ Tom smiled.

‘I hope it continues as such.’ The other actor beamed as he turned to the food that was being brought to them.

The evening was pleasant. Tom met a few people he had worked with on several occasions and Danielle met a few others she had met, especially from the Welsh job where she met Nacelle.

‘So, when we worked together, you were with Tom?’ One of the hair and makeup girls asked Danielle as they spoke outside the bathrooms.

‘Yes.’

‘You said nothing.’

‘We didn’t want to tell people.’

‘Why not, I would have, have you seen his ass?’ Danielle chuckled. ‘Well, yeah, you have, obviously.’ she laughed. ‘No wonder you looked so happy with yourself at work, I bet he knows what to do with it with all the girls he’s been with.’ That caused Danielle to frown slightly. ‘I worked a movie with him, anything female with legs was at risk.’

‘Well, none of that is my concern,’ Danielle smiled politely. ‘Before me is before me.’ she shrugged. ‘Pleasure talking to you again, have a lovely evening.’ She turned and walked away.

She walked towards the hall not thinking too much about the journey. Danielle never realised someone was talking to her as she stood at the side of the hall, watching Tom dance with some woman, talking to her with a friendly smile.

‘You’re not the jealous type?’ She turned to see Eddie standing by her.

‘No, I’m not.’

‘Good, you need to be understanding in our world, not a doormat obviously, but understand that people will be attracted to him.’

‘Yes, I am aware.’ She gave a half smile as she looked at the dance floor.

‘’I am delighted for Tom, I have never seen him so happy.’ She turned to look at him again. ‘He doesn’t do well in relationships, when we were teenagers. Jesus, if he knew I said this he would get mad, he used to be dismissed by girls you know?’ Danielle stared at him. ‘No really, they laughed at him, they thought he was a gangly, Shakespeare-loving, curly-haired twat who never forgot his dad was of more modest beginnings than most of the girls we came in contact with would see as ideal, I think that affected him really, he has never been as confident as he could be.’

‘You mean arrogant?’

‘In some people’s opinion.’

‘Tom is a great man, and to be honest, I know it is slightly selfish of me to say, but I am glad those pompous cunts thought that, because it meant that when I finally had the intelligence to pull my head out of my ass, there was a wonderful, sweet, kind, charismatic and intelligent man there for me.’ She smiled. Eddie looked at her in shock. ‘Perhaps talking to me when I have had three glasses of wine is not wise Mr Redmayne, I tend to not be the most sophisticated of company.’

‘Good, I find them a bore.’ he smiled. ‘Honestly, I cannot wait to work with you, you are somewhat of a breath of fresh air in this industry. Too many posh toffs.’ she raised a brow and looked at him as he grinned back before both laughed. ‘Yes, myself included.’

Danielle threw her eyes up as Tom came over, looking between the pair. ‘Whatever he is saying, he is lying, do not listen to him.’ He stated.

‘Well now, if that isn’t concerning.’ Danielle laughed, ‘No, Eddie, can I call you Eddie actually?’

‘Of course, please do.’

‘Well, Eddie was saying that apparently, the industry needs fewer ponces with posh accents and notions.’ She smiled.

Tom’s eyebrows shot up as he looked between the pair, Danielle smirking as Eddie bit his tongue between his teeth. ‘I have to say, Darling, I concur entirely, too many of those posh twats about, privately educated and rich families, you remember how my dad is from Scotland, don’t you, and how he literally pulled himself up.’ He put his arm around her as she laughed. ‘Eddie, honestly, you will love working with her, she is amazing. I heard her and Brannagh talking, it is going to be incredible.’

‘Yes, I cannot wait.’ He smiled. ‘Have you worked together yet?’

‘No, not yet, but who knows what the future will bring, Elle is going to be mad busy for the next year or so, and I have Marvel contracts I have to keep so both of us cannot say if it would happen, yet….who knows?’ Tom smiled. ‘I dare say the idea of putting up with me on set would turn you grey.’ He joked with her.

‘I think you’d be running fairly quickly.’ Danielle beamed.

Tom smiled lovingly at her. ‘Are you alright for a drink or would you like another?’

‘I’ll have a white lemonade actually, if I have anymore wine right now I may regret it, the lemonade makes it look like I am on Vodka or something.’

‘Sure thing.’ Tom kissed the side of her head. ‘Eddie?’

‘I’m fine, I am driving us back tonight, it’s Hannah’s turn to relax.’

‘Not even a coke or anything.’

‘Sure, yes, no lemon, please.’ Eddie shrugged before watching Tom walk off. ‘It’s refreshing actually.’

‘What?’ Danielle asked curiously.

‘So many people can unhealthily attached to each others sides in this industry, terrified their significant other will run off. You and Tom, you are so well matched yet there is no issue with either of you going off on your own either.’

‘You cannot survive in this sort of relationship otherwise.’

‘Definitely not.’ Eddie agreed.

*

By the time they got back to Belsize in the early hours of the morning, Tom and Danielle were both somewhat inebriated. She got out the door key as Tom paid the cab driver. Once inside, Tom pressed her against the hallway wall and kissed her. ‘What was that for?’ She grinned.

‘Being an incredible girlfriend.’ His smile was lopsided, the last of the Jameson still flavoured his kiss. ‘You are brilliant.’

‘What makes you say that?’

‘Well, waking up to great sex, that was brilliant, being great company today and being you,’ he explained. ‘I am sorry I abandoned you to talk to Eddie so much.’

‘Don’t, it was great for you to catch up, and I got talking to him too, I hope we work together, he seems like he actually is nice.’

‘He’s good, yeah.’ Tom smiled and kissed her again.

‘Tom?’

‘I know we’re a little drunk, but you are incredibly sexy like that.’

‘My hair is falling down.’ she pointed out.

‘But it looks so good, you look so good.’ He insisted as he kissed down her neck.

As Tom kissed her, Danielle thought over the other makeup artists words, and how they conflicted with Eddie's, or perhaps confirmed why he would act like such after rejection as a youth. She reminded herself that it was not her concern, but it did niggle at her slightly. When Tom’s hand began to wander up her leg, bringing the skirt of her dress with it, she did what she could to shake the thoughts out of her mind and enjoy time with the man she loved.

[brendasangulalik]

✰ ––– maika harper. cis woman. she/her // you don’t know ? that’s BRENDA ANGULALIK ! they’re a THIRTY TWO year old former professional gymnast from JUNEAU, ALASKA. as part of manhattan’s elite, the damsel out of distress is known to be RESILIENT & STUBBORN. most people recognize them by bullet journaling, ice cold water, dangling jewelry, calloused palms.

hey everyone! i’m natalie! native (feel like i should always throw that out there to explain why i only play native muses jhgfghj), 23, she/her pronouns, and live in pennsylvania. and i suck at intros but this is my second time playing brenda though this version of brenda has lots of differences from my last time so yeah! uh some information regarding brenda:

tw: anti-inuit racism, emotional abuse/gaslighting mentioned.

brenda gabriella angulalik was born on february 29th, 1988 - which, yes, does make her a leapling and she is happy to be one of the truly elite (hehe) who can say she is

she is the literal middle child of her parents’ five children. she has: an older brother, born 1982), rick. an older sister (born 1985), margaret. a younger brother (born 1991), joel. and a younger sister (born 1994), whitney.

coming from an inuit family, she was originally born in utqiagvik, alaska but her talent was recognized at a young age. the only place to learn gymnastics in utqiagvik were living room classes hosted by one woman in her house, and even then she focused solely on girls under the age of 8 and teaching them basic gymnastics. but she recognized brenda’s talents, and so did brenda’s family. so when brenda was 6 years old, right before she was to graduate kindergarten, the family moved down to juneau for her to study at the southeastern alaska gymnastics academy.

most girls that practiced at the academy, and who went to the school she went to, were white, and brenda recalls her time in juneau as filled with racist comments directed at her based on inuit stereotypes. luckily, by the time she was 11, she would be moved to getting homeschooled as she needed to focus on her athleticism but it didn’t stop the comments at the academy.

she did, however, have two friends at the academy, victoria and kelsey, who were both tlingit. but neither would progress to the elite levels.

national champion by age 13, world champion and pan am champion by age 15, her coaches put her up for the olympic trials for the us women’s team for the 2004 summer olympics. at 16 years old, she would barely qualify, but it was the next logical step in her career.

and brenda did make the team, competing in the 2004 olympics in athens at age 16, and again in the 2008 olympics in beijing at age 20. at 24, she would go with the 2012 team to london, but served as an alternate. an alternate that was never called upon. at that point, she retired from the sport and set out to live a “normal life”. of course as normal as a two-times olympian could be.

she also had something better at the time, at the 2008 olympics, she met logan moore, who was 26 at the time. he was from salt lake city, she was from juneau. he was on the rowing team, she was on the gymnastics team. but the two kept in touch and met again at the 2012 olympics, they caught up and as they say, sparks flew. when she returned and announced her retirement, she moved from juneau to a manhattan penthouse with him.

the next four years would be rocky, the two constantly fought and brenda constantly caught him cheating on her but he would “somehow” just speak to her and she would “come to her senses”. she wanted a pet, he didn’t. they never got a pet. in almost any situation, he would gaslight the hell out of her. and in december 2015, she fell pregnant. something she still wonders how exactly happened with how safe they were being.

but nevertheless, she gave birth to their beautiful twins on august 3rd, 2016 (just two days before the 2016 olympics in rio’s opening ceremony): portia and cressida angulalik-moore.

as much as the pregnancy was untimed and relatively unwanted, the twins definitely weren’t unwanted, they brought so much renewed light into her life. and she did, suppose, the timing was almost perfect. except for that, the day after she gave birth, logan was on a flight down to rio.

but the way she had continued her steady stream of income was in partnerships with brands like gk, smartwater, puma, etc. and appearing on talk shows or others to talk about the sport. since it was 2016, this was the 2016 team’s time to be featured in all of that. but she knew, because of her contracts, the 2016 team wouldn’t outshine her.

the twins also helped in another way, it made more people come into her life, and in september 2017, she broke up with logan. 

she is currently working on a memoir about her times in training. she supposes she may do a memoir in the future regarding her personal life, but she doesn’t want to air out everything with logan just yet, especially as their twins are only 3 years old.

while she can no longer do everything she once could, she still visits a gym in nyc and practices, never letting her body totally lose what it had from years of gymnastics. her downstairs neighbors may hate her, as she does randomly do cartwheels, round-offs, and handsprings in her penthouse. her twins are in mommy & me gymnastics classes, but she would never push them to follow in her footsteps.

she was to fly to tokyo with the us team to be a commentator on the women’s gymnastics competitions, but as the olympics have been pushed back to 2021 she is unsure anymore although that is still currently the plan.

okay i’m even shittier at talking to the personality section but she’s an enfj-a. and her natal chart: 

FAST FACTS SECTION!

she follows the russian orthodox faith as her family had decades ago been converted during the time of russian alaska.

she speaks english and inuktitut fluently. she is currently trying to learn russian to feel more connected to her faith.

she is bisexual and biromantic.

tattoos follow canon to fc so those tattoos you see on maika’s gifs ... do imagine those are on brenda.

her favorite to least favorite event, in order: balance beam, uneven bars, floor exercise, vault.

she has joint custody with her ex, the twins spend a week and a half with her, a week and a half with their father, and so on.

basically native nastia liukin, okay?

ALCOHOL: YES (only on times when her ex has the kids) / CIGARETTES: NO / WEED: YES (only on times when her ex has the kids)

i’m open to basically any sort of plot, so yeah like this. or message me (here or on discord, though discord is preferred) if you wanna plot.

[calpalirwin]

Choices

Summary: Ashton Irwin thought he had everything he needed in life in the form of his daughter. Funny the difference a choice can make.

A/N: Fuck... I only have one chapter left and I still haven’t written more... Need to get on that...

Content: Another big sad.

Word Count: 6.7K

And away, and away we go!

Chapter 6

When I woke up that Sunday, I was aware of 3 things- 1.) that I wasn’t in my bed, 2.) that someone was next to me, and 3.) something smelled good. I opened my eyes and found Cassidy asleep on top of me. I kissed the top of her head and gently sat up, hoping not to wake her up.

She stirred slightly in her sleep, and I pulled her up so her head rested on my shoulder, cradling her in my arms like I had when she was a newborn. I held her as she slept, listening to the sounds of my mom making breakfast in the kitchen, breathing in every second of it.

“Daddy?” Cassidy whispered in my ear as she finally stirred herself awake.

“Yeah, love?” I asked, tilting my head a little to look at her small face peering into mine.

“Did you catch the bad guys?”

“Of course,” I told her. “But, I missed you.”

“I missed you, too. Do you have to go back?”

I shook my head, “Nope. I’m all yours today.”

“Good!” she smiled.

“Oh good, you’re both up,” my mom said, looking at us. “Breakfast is ready. And let’s get a move on, we have church.”

“Ma, I don’t go to church anymore,” I told her gently as I took Cassidy and we sat at the table. Coming from an extremely Christian family, I knew the news wouldn’t go over well.

“You haven’t been taking my granddaughter to church? Ashton!” she began to scold.

“She’s baptized, Mom. Plus, I figure there are better ways to spend my free time with her than in church,” I explained as I cut up the pancakes on Cassidy’s plate and poured syrup on them.

“Well, we’re going today. All of us.”

“Really, Mom?” I asked in that “I know you’re still my mom, but I’m 26 and you can’t order me around in my own house” tone. 

“Give me one good reason why not, Ashton,” she told me.

I set down my fork, sighing. “I’ll give you 2. 1.) It’s a half hour drive to your church and a half hour drive back, so I’d lose a whole hour, plus however long the service is, to spend with Cass. And 2.) I’m still kinda pissed at the guy.”

“What guy, Ashton? God? You’re mad at God?!”

“Little bit, yeah,” I nodded, picking up my fork to start eating.

“Ashton Fletcher! What in the world are you mad at Him for?”

I gestured around, while I swallowed the food in my mouth. “Because He gave to me with one hand and took away from me with the other.”

“Oh, He did not take Taylor away from you. Taylor made that choice all by herself. And if you’re really into judging His choices, maybe stop and consider that some of those choices involved blessing you with a healthy, happy daughter, and then dropping Nic into both of your lives.”

I held up my hands, admitting defeat. “Alright, alright, I’ll go.”

~~~

“Did you like church?” I asked Cassidy, a few hours later as I helped her into her seat for the ride back home.

“It’s long,” she told me, matter-of-fact-like, buckling herself in her booster seat.

“I know, but we’ll go to the park after lunch, okay?”

“Promise?”

“Pinky promise.”

“Can Nic come too?” Cassidy asked me as I got in the driver’s seat and started the truck.

“Do you want her to?”

She nodded her head excitedly. “Mhm, I like Nic!”

“We can ask her. But we have to respect her answer, okay? If she says no, that’s that, understand?” I explained.

“No means no,” she told me, nodding.

“Good girl,” I said, while getting my Bluetooth to call Nic.

“Oh, hey, babe,” Nic’s voice answered after the first ring. “I wasn’t expecting you to call.”

“I know,” I told her. “I’m with Cass and she had a question for you.”

“Oh? What’s your question, sweetie?”

“Park!” Cassidy shouted from her seat.

“Park?” Nic asked, confused.

“Yeah,” I explained. “I’m taking Cass to the park later and she wants you to join us.”

“She does? Or you do, Ash?”

“We both do,” I laughed. “But it was her idea. What do you say?”

“Sure,” Nic said. “I have a few things I need to finish up though.”

“That’s fine, we’re gonna get lunch first anyway. Just text me when you’re done?”

“Sure, babe. I’ll see you soon.”

Cassidy was asleep by the time we made it back to the apartment. I slung her up on my shoulder and headed inside, almost colliding with Nic. “Oh, hey!” I whispered.

“Hey,” she smiled.

“She’s gonna be out for awhile,” I explained. “But you’re more than welcome to keep me company.”

“I’d love that. Let me just put my things inside.”

“Sure, just come on by when you’re done.” I got Cassidy down in her bed and got the laundry I meant to do yesterday going. I was moving on to clean up the kitchen when Nic came through the door. “Hey, baby,” I said, shaking water from my hands as I shut off the sink.

“Hey,” she responded, walking over to kiss me.

“Everything okay?” I asked, sensing her mood seemed off.

“Eh, I start classes tomorrow, so I’ve been trying to get everything ready. Just a little stressed.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

She shrugged as she made her way to sit on the couch, “I’ll be fine. Just trying to find that balance between work and school is stressful. Normally, I’d spend the weekend before school with my family to calm my nerves and destress. But, that’s a little hard,” she smiled sadly.

I sat next to her and wrapped my arm around her shoulders. “I’m sorry you’re homesick. Is there anything I can do?”

“Well…” she drawled, her eyes sparkling. “You could give me that long list of reasons why you love me.”

I chuckled nervously, running my hand through my hair. “Well… I love that you accept the fact that I’m a dad with such grace. More than that, I love that you love my daughter. I love the way you interact with her like you’ve done it every day of your life,” I paused, running my hand through her hair now, trying to get my thoughts in order and slow my racing heart.

“Go on,” she coaxed.

“I love the way your nose crinkles when you laugh. I love your wildly independent streak and the way you trust me enough to let your guard down. I love the way you look when you’re sleeping next to me in one of my shirts. I love the way you look when you do a lot of things.” I winked seductively at her as I said the last sentence.

“Oh, do you?” you asked, her drawl doing that thing that drove me absolutely wild.

“I love when you talk with that voice,” I whispered.

“Anything else?” she asked, her voice soft and warm against my neck as she kissed me.

“Every little thing you do. I love it all. There isn’t a damn thing I’m not completely crazy about.”

“You sure know how to make a girl feel special, don’t ya?”

“Only the ones that matter.”

“Well, it’s a good thing you’re crazy about me, because I’m equally crazy about you.”

“Yeah?”

“It’s hard not to be crazy for you, Ash,” she told me like it was a fact.

“And why’s that?”

“Because you’re a great man with an even greater heart. You love deeply and unconditionally. You admit to your faults, which from personal experience, is not a thing many guys do. There’s this softness to all your strength that I wish you would let me see a little more, because I find it endearing.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, referring to her last sentence.

“What?”

“You wish I was softer?”

“I just mean… like you put on this front like nothing bothers you. But I know that there’s a softer side to the tough, got-it-all-together face you put on. And I wish you would let that side show a little bit more is all.”

“I thought I was pretty good at expressing how I felt with you. I’m sorry you think I’m holding back.” I was a little confused, as I had always considered myself to be a bit of an open book. She was right in that I controlled my emotions to the point that I seemed unbothered, but that didn’t necessarily mean that I didn’t show my emotions, I just kept them in check.

“No, Ash. I think you’re misunderstood. I meant… well you know how yesterday you hugged me goodbye? And you kinda let me just hold you for a bit? That’s what I meant. I didn’t mean… it was just nice to be able to provide you some comfort; to feel needed, if that makes sense.”

“Oh,” I said, remembering how good it had felt to lay my head on her shoulder. “Yeah, that was nice.”

“It was,” she agreed. “And you can do it more. If you’re scared I’ll find you less manly for it or whatever other bullshit reason, you don’t have to be. Like I said, I find it endearing that you’d trust me enough to let your own guard down.”

“My guard is down, Nic. I’ve let you into the most intimate aspects of my life which is something I haven’t done since Taylor. And I have a lot more at stake now than I did when I was seventeen. So it wasn’t something I did easily. It was something I did because I feel comfortable with you and trust you.” I wasn’t sure what she was implying or wasn’t implying and my confusion was getting me a little agitated.

“Hey,” she said softly, “Don’t get defensive. I wasn’t saying that you haven’t let your guard down. I know you have. And I love you for it. But, this is an equal partnership. You’re allowed to fall apart too.”

“Sorry,” I said, realizing that I was probably sounding a little mean. “But, it takes a lot for me to fall apart. Not to say that I don’t have bad days or moments when my emotions get the better of me. And it’s not that I didn’t like you holding me, rather than me holding you. Because I did; it was a nice change of pace. But, I’m used to being the one doing the comforting, rather than the other way around, y’know? So it just takes a lot more for me to be in that place of accepting comfort than say, Cass.”

She nodded. “Just know that I’ll catch you, okay? Because I love you and you deserve someone who will be strong when you can’t. Even if it’s only for a second.”

I nodded myself. “Okay, but right now, I am supposed to be comforting you. Just for the record.”

~~~

It didn’t take long after our conversation for me to be in the position where I was the one seeking comfort.

First came the battle with Cassidy over breakfast. Normally, on weekdays, I’d make her a bowl of cereal or oatmeal. When she refused her oatmeal options, I moved on to her options of cereal. She picked one with ease, and I grabbed both the box and a bowl. “No!” she screeched as I started pouring, “I can do it!” 

I set the box down and lifted her up and set her on the counter so she could pour her own bowl. “Sorry, love,” I apologized, forgetting in my half-asleep state that she was in that seeking independence phase. After a moment or so of no progress towards her pouring her own bowl, I asked her, “Well? Don’t you want cereal?”

“You have to dump the old cereal out so I can do it,” she told me.

I sighed, questioning the logic of her needing me to dump out the cereal already in the bowl if she was just going to redump it in herself, but did it anyway. I sighed again as she dumped the cereal into the bowl and also all over the counter. “Do you want Daddy to pour the milk for you?” I asked her, going to the fridge to grab the milk.

“No, I can do it,” was the defiant response.

“Careful,” I cautioned as I handed her the carton and watched as the milk splashed half in the bowl and half on the counter. “Easy there,” I said, lifting up the carton so it wouldn’t spill anymore.

“Oops…” she said softly.

“Accidents happen,” I said, more as a reminder to myself than to her as I set her down and handed her the bowl of cereal. “Sit at the table and eat your breakfast,” I told her. I cleaned off the counter before I quickly made my own bowl of cereal. I leaned against the counter and smiled over at Cassidy, who grinned back at me, milk dripping down her chin. “Good?” I asked, swallowing my own bite.

“Mhm,” she nodded.

It was smooth sailing while we ate our breakfast. Then came the battle of getting dressed. When Cassidy first began her crusade for independence, I started out by laying out outfits for her and letting her pick which one she wanted to wear. Now that she was approaching six, I was starting to let her pick out her clothes and get dressed by herself, giving myself time to get dressed myself. After we rinsed out our bowls, she dashed down the hall to get dressed while I followed. I kept my ears peeled for signs of struggle as I got dressed myself, before popping my head in her door. “How we do-” I started, my eyes taking in the sight of her clothes thrown across her room haphazardly. “Cassidy Marie?” I asked, my voice firm and demanding an explanation.

“I have nothing to wear,” she told me innocently.

I gestured wildly around her room. “All these clothes and you can’t find anything you want to wear?” I got a flashback of all the times my parents had fought Lauren for the same reason and groaned. Cassidy was too young to be pulling the “I have nothing to wear” card. I wasn’t ready.

“You see my problem?” she said with the sass of a teenager.

“I see a lot of clothes thrown around your room. Now pick something, please.”

“Daddy,” she protested.

“Pick something, Cassidy, or I swear you will go to daycare in your pajamas.”

“Daddy!” she started to whine.

“You have 10 minutes to pick something, get dressed, and clean this mess up,” I told her. I could hear her continue to whine as I went about finishing getting myself ready and packing our lunches. When I finished up, I went back to see how she was doing. Her clothes were still everywhere and she was still in her pajamas. “Cassidy Marie,” I half-growled as I pinched the bridge of my nose. “What do you want to wear?” I asked, hoping to help speed up the process.

“I don’t know!” she hissed.

I grabbed a pair of jeans, a skirt, 2 shirts, and a dress. I laid all 3 outfits on her bed. “Pick. Now.”

She looked at them for a second. Then, she grabbed the clothes in her arms and flung them towards the floor. “I don’t like those!” Her voice was shrill as the tears started coming.

I crouched down in front of her, putting my hands on her shoulders. “Hey,” I asked, making my voice soft. “What’s wrong?” I brushed one of my hands against her forehead, checking if she felt warmer than usual. Sometimes she got extra stubborn when she wasn’t feeling good.

“I don’t like my clothes.”

“Okay. But these are the clothes you have, so you need to pick something, love.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Do you want me to pick something for you?” I asked.

She nodded.

I reached for whatever was closest, which happened to be a pair of jeans and a purple shirt with a mermaid on it. “Here, now get dressed, please.”

She stomped about as she changed, still pouting.

“Now, let’s go brush your teeth and do something with your hair,” I told her.

“What about my clothes?” she asked.

“You can clean them up before dinner. Now, c’mon.”

In the bathroom, she got up on her stool to brush her teeth while I brushed out her hair. “Ow!” she protested, as the brush snagged in her tangled mess of hair.

“Sorry, love,” I said as I gently brushed out her hair. “How do you want your hair, today?” I asked, putting a ponytail holder around my wrist for easy access. “Ponytail, bun, pigtails, or a braid?” I ran through the options.

“Braid!”

“Braid it is,” I said and set to work. It wasn’t the best braid in the world, but it got the job done. “Okay, ready to go?” I asked as she rinsed her mouth and put her toothbrush in its holder.

“Ready!” she grinned.

I dropped her off at daycare and headed for work, hoping the rest of my day would go more smoothly. No such luck. I was slammed with paperwork the moment I walked in, working through my lunch and figuring I’d have to call my parents or Lauren to pick up Cassidy and watch her so I could stay late. Fate had other plans when my cell rang, drawing me away from the mounds of paperwork. I frowned when the caller ID claimed it was the daycare calling me, as my mind started going through the possibilities. Had she gotten hurt? Was she actually sick? Praying it wasn’t serious, I answered the call. “This is Ashton.”

“Mr. Irwin? It’s Miss Nancy. Are you able to come in for a quick conference?”

I blew my breath out in a huff and ran a hand through my hair. “Uh, yeah. Is something wrong?”

“Cassidy got into a little disagreement with one of the other kids and we just want to make both parents aware and give them the rest of the day to cool off.”

I sighed, “I’ll be right there.” I hung up and sighed again. Where had I gone so wrong in my parenting that my five year old was essentially getting suspended from daycare? I quickly explained to Luke and Mike that I had to step out for a bit, but that I would be back if I could.

“Don’t worry about it, man,” Luke assured me, clapping me on the back.

“Yeah, go take care of Cass,” Mike agreed. “We got it covered.”

I thanked them both for being understanding before making my way out to the truck. The whole drive to the daycare I was running through the possibilities of what Cassidy could have done to warrant my coming down there. “Daddy!” Cassidy cried as she ran over and hugged me.

“Hey, love,” I said, picking her up in my arms. Her braid that I thought I’d done okay with had come loose, the ponytail holder clinging desperately to a few strands of her hair. There was also a small bruise forming on her arm and her face was red like she’d been crying. I pulled out the ponytail holder, putting it around my wrist, and ran my hand through her hair to undo the last bit of braid that still existed. “You okay?” I asked, trying to mask my anger. Just by her appearance I could tell that she was not okay, and heaven help whoever caused my daughter harm. Whatever “little disagreement” had happened was clearly not so little.

“Mr. Irwin,” Miss Nancy greeted, warmly. “I’d like you to meet Mr. and Mrs. Collins.”

I looked over at the stern-faced parents, with a little boy in front of them. “Ashton, hi,” I said, reaching out to shake their hands, again forcing myself to keep my anger in check.

“Will Mrs. Irwin be joining us?” Mrs. Collins asked Miss Nancy, completely ignoring me.

“There is no Mrs. Irwin,” I told her flatly.

“Yeah, Cassidy doesn’t have a momma!” the little boy sneered.

Cassidy’s face turned bright red and she tried to lunge from my arms. I had half a mind to let her at the boy before I realized that was probably we were having this conference in the first place. “Relax,” I coaxed quietly to her.

“Shall we?” Miss Nancy asked, motioning towards her office. The five of us followed after her, Cassidy and the little boy sticking their tongues out at each and blowing raspberries. I let the Collins’ have the 2 seats in front of the desk, choosing to stand off to the side. I set Cassidy down, resting my hands on her shoulders.

“So, what happened?” I asked, after a few moments of silence.

“Well,” Miss Nancy began. “After I talked with both children, from what I can gather is Jacob made a comment about Cassidy’s appearance that made her upset, and pulled her hair. When she used her words to express that she was upset, he then made a further comment regarding how she doesn’t have a mom. Then, Cassidy hit Jacob and the two continued to hit each other. As our policy, both Cassidy and Jacob are suspended from daycare tomorrow.”

“Understandable,” I said. Granted, I wasn’t pleased in the slightest that I was going to have to find arrangements for Cassidy to be watched tomorrow. But, I was also very proud of her for standing up for herself.

“That’s all you have to say for your daughter’s behavior towards our son?” Mrs. Collins asked me.

“My daughter’s behavior? Your kid started this mess. My daughter was merely defending herself.”

“Your daughter attacked our son!”

I laughed. “Attacked is a little strong. They’re 5. What comments did Jacob make, Miss Nancy?”

Miss Nancy shifted uncomfortably. “He… uh… he mentioned that it was apparent she only had a father because her braid was messy and his mother always makes his sister’s braid look pretty. Then he pulled at the braid. The second comment was again in regards to how Cassidy doesn’t have a mother.”

“He said my momma left because she hates me because I’m bad,” Cassidy told me, her eyes filling with tears. “So, I hit him because he made me feel bad.”

I picked her up, my heart breaking for her and my blood boiling as she sobbed into my shoulder. “You’re okay, love. Daddy’s got you,” I soothed, glowering at the parents. “So, my kid hit your kid for being a bully, but Cassidy’s the problem?”

Mr. Collins looked down at his son. “Just because Cassidy doesn’t have a mother to do her hair, that doesn’t give you the right to make fun of her, Jacob.”

I sighed. His heart was in the right place, even if he made it sound condescending as all hell.

“Yes,” Mrs. Collins nodded. “It’s not Cassidy’s fault her momma left her.”

“Excuse me?” I asked, getting angry all over again. “I’m sorry, I think I’m misunderstanding something here. If Cassidy had a mother would you be saying the same thing you are now?”

“Well, if she had a mother, we wouldn’t be having this conversation, now would we?”

My eyes narrowed. “Ma’am will all due respect, but pull your head out of your ass. 1.) It’s 2020, so single-parent households aren’t exactly an anomaly. 2.) Yes, I’m a single dad raising a daughter. Yes, it’s hard. But, at least I’m not raising a bully with a superiority complex. And 3.) I’ll ask again- if Cassidy had a mother instead of me would you dare say the same things- or better yet, if Cassidy was a boy would you be questioning my parenting skills then?”

Mrs. Collins stood there with her mouth agape. “Well… I… How dare you!”

“How dare I? How dare you! And you,” I said, turning towards Mr. Collins. “Are you gonna do or say anything? Or are you one of those dads that let’s the mom do all the work and expect to be praised when you so much as read a bedtime story?”

“Look,” he said, “We’ll deal with our son how we see fit. I trust you’ll deal with your daughter however you see fit.”

“Fair enough,” I said, the fight leaving me. “Tomorrow’s Thursday, so I’ll just keep Cassidy out the rest of the week,” I told Miss Nancy.

“That’s fine, Mr. Irwin. We’ll see Cassidy on Monday.”

I nodded and headed for the door. “Go get your lunch box, love and we’ll go home, okay?” I told Cassidy as I set her on her feet.

She looked up at me and wiped her face with her arm. “Am I in trouble?”

“We’ll talk about it at home, okay?”

She nodded and walked off to grab her lunch box and drawings from her cubby. A hand fell on my shoulder- Miss Nancy’s. “Between you and me, Ash, it’s only because of policy that Cassidy can’t be here tomorrow. I’ve had problems with Jacob bullying other kids. Cassidy’s just the first one to fight back. You’re raising a strong girl, there.”

“Thanks,” I smiled.

“Bye, Cass,” Miss Nancy smiled at Cassidy as she made her way back over to me.

“Bye, Miss Nancy,” Cassidy told her, reaching for my hand.

The Collins made their way past us, their son in tow. Mr. Collins fell a step behind his wife and son, crouching down next to Cassidy. “Good for you, sweetie,” he told her winking before nodding at me, “Not that you need it, because you seem to be doing a fine job, but good luck, man.”

“Thanks,” I said, shaking his hand. “And sorry.”

“Me, too,” he laughed before going after his family who were waiting impatiently at the door.

“Am I in trouble?” Cassidy asked again, as I helped her into her seat.

“No,” I shook my head.

“But, I hit him. You said ‘Cassidy Marie, we do not hit!’” she reminded me, making her voice deep as she mimicked me.

“I did. And for the most part that’s true. But, sometimes you gotta fight back. And you’ll never be in trouble with me for defending yourself.”

“What’s the difference?”

“Well…” I thought for a minute, trying to put in a way she’d understand. “Remember how you got mad and hit me at the grocery store?”

She nodded.

“That wasn’t okay. But today, you told Jacob he hurt your feelings and to stop, right?”

“Mhm…”

“And he didn’t. And you got more upset and hit him. That’s okay. Whenever someone hurts you or makes you upset and you tell them to stop, and they don’t stop, I want you to hit them as hard as you can. Does that make sense?”

“I think so…”

“It’s confusing, I know. Just make sure to always use your words first. But if someone makes you feel bad and they don’t stop, then you do whatever you need to do to make them stop. Nobody ever gets to make you feel bad. Okay?”

“Okay.”

I kissed the top of her head before making my way to the driver’s side.

“Daddy?” she asked as I started the car.

“Yes, love?”

“Does Momma hate me because I’m bad?”

I pinched the bridge of my nose, breathing deep. It was one thing for the kid to bully her for not having a mom- I had been preparing myself for that day since she was born. But it was another thing for his mother to back up her shitty kid’s shittyness with more shittyness. I turned in my seat to look at her. “Cassidy Marie Irwin. You are not bad. You are the greatest. Momma doesn’t hate you, either.”

“Then why she’d leave?”

“She wasn’t ready to be a momma. Remember, love?” I knew it was a lot to expect her to remember the conversation back in my childhood bedroom when I confessed to Nic how my relationship with Taylor had really ended.

“Why not?”

“I don’t know, love.”

“Can I talk to her? Maybe she’s ready to be a momma now.”

My stomach fell. Once again, I had been preparing for the day she’d ask about her mom since the day she was born. I figured she’d be older, but I realized that I’d never really have any definitive answer for Cassidy about why Taylor left because in truth, I didn’t really know myself. All I knew was that she had suffered through the pregnancy for my sake while I spent the nine months trying to convince her to change her mind. In the end, she had wanted her freedom, and I had been too busy raising a newborn to really question her decision, so I chalked it up to just that- she wanted her freedom. And after she gave me Cassidy, despite not wanting to go through a pregnancy in the first place, I was more than happy to leave it at that. “Maybe,” I told Cassidy. Maybe opened up a whole world of different outcomes that I wasn’t prepared to deal with.

~~~

Back at the house, I had Cassidy clean up her clothes while I called work. I explained to both Luke and Mike what had happened and that I was going to stay home with Cassidy until Monday, making arrangements to swing by to pick up any paperwork that wasn’t done to help them out in spite of my extended weekend. Then, I called Nic. I didn’t know if she’d answer or if she’d be free to come over, what with her new schedule, but I wanted to hear her voice, even if it was just her voicemail.

“Hey, babe. How’s work?” she answered on the second ring, her sweet voice putting me at ease for the first time all day.

“Hey, baby. I’m actually taking the rest of the week off. So I thought if you’re free you might want to come over. Maybe we could take Cassidy to a movie later or something?”

“Sure! I’m actually on my way home right now, so I’ll see you in a bit?”

“Perfect, I’ll see you soon.” I hung up and went to check on Cassidy. She was asleep in a pile of her clothes. I laughed softly, putting her in her bed. Then, I put away her clothes.

I had just turned on the TV when the front door opened and Nic stepped in. “Hey,” she greeted, sitting next to me. “You okay? You sounded weird on the phone.”

“Been a rough day,” I admitted.

“Is everything okay? It’s not like you to leave halfway through a work day and take the rest of the week off. Is Cassidy okay?”

“Yeah, she’s fine. Well… yeah, we’re fine.”

“Babe… what happened?”

I sighed. “Normal stuff. She fought me over breakfast and getting dressed. Then work was just a mountain of paperwork that I didn’t make any progress with.”

“Okay. But what happened to send you home in the middle of the day?”

“Cass got in a fight with a boy at daycare. So I had to bring her home. And she’s suspended tomorrow. But tomorrow’s Thursday, so I’m just taking a long weekend.”

“So which part’s bothering you? The fight she got into at daycare? Or the fight she got into with you when you sent her to her room?”

I chuckled, shaking my head. “No, she’s napping. It’s more why she got into a fight that’s bothering me. Or more, what she asked. I dunno. Either way, I’m just…” I closed my eyes and leaned my head back. I’m just what? I thought to myself.

She pulled my head to her shoulder and I let it rest there. “Well, what happened?” she asked, running her hands through my hair.

“A boy teased her about her braid, because it’s obvious that she doesn’t have a mom, because if she did, her braid wouldn’t look like shit. She told him to stop and he proceeded to tell her that not only was it obvious she didn’t have a mom, but that the reason she didn’t have a mom was because her mom hated her because she’s bad. So she punched him. And he hit back and so forth and so on.”

“Poor thing,” she sighed sadly, “But good for her!”

“That was my same reaction. Well, I had a few choice words for the boy’s mother who basically defended her little demon spawn. But yeah, I’m proud of her. I hope she kicked his little ass.”

“Me too,” Nic smiled. “So what did she ask that further bothered you? Obviously what the boy told her bothers you. But there’s more, I can tell.”

“Well she asked more about Taylor. And I explained to her that Taylor leaving had absolutely nothing to do with her. Then she asked if she could call Taylor because maybe now she’s ready to be a mom.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah, and I’m not sure how I feel about that. I mean, if she wants a relationship with Taylor, I don’t want to hold her back. But I don’t want her to be disappointed if Taylor isn’t what Cass expects or if Taylor still doesn’t want a relationship with her. Especially when she’s this young. How do you explain to a 5 year old that her mom doesn’t want her? How do you explain that to anybody?”

“How much of this is you caring about Cass and wanting to protect her and how much is this you projecting your own feelings about your biological dad?”

I let out my breath in a huff. “Fuck if I know,” I shrugged. “I like to think I’m not damaged over my biological dad leaving because I was too young to know any different, and then I had Jack so it didn’t matter. I dunno.”

“Okay… but let’s say Taylor does want a relationship with Cass. What does that mean for you?”

“I’d be more than happy if Taylor wants a relationship with Cass.”

“But…?”

I sighed. “There’s a lot of maybes and what ifs I have about it. Maybe I call Taylor. Maybe she doesn’t want a relationship with Cass and I have to deal with Cass having her heart broken. Maybe Taylor does want a relationship, and now she’s back in my life. I’m not gonna lie, there were plenty of days and nights I dreamed Taylor would show up at my doorstep and say she made a mistake and wanted to be in our lives again. But, I have you now. And if Taylor wants a relationship with Cass, then fine, but I don’t need to have a relationship with Taylor beyond a ‘mother of my child’ kind. But what if Cass gets it into her head that Momma and Daddy should be together? How do I explain to a 5 year old that there will always be a part of me that cares for Taylor and I’ll always respect her as the mother of my kid, but I don’t love her that way? That I love you that way, not her mother? There’s just a lot I thought I’d be prepared for and I’m just not. And if I just ignore what Cass asked, will she eventually forget and I won’t have to deal with it? Or, worse, will she remember when she’s older about the time she asked about calling Momma, and Daddy said ‘yeah, of course’ and never did, and she ends up resenting me for keeping her mom from her? I just… I don’t know what to do. I want to be enough for her. What if I’m not?” My eyes felt wet and I quickly wiped at them and took a breath to calm myself. “Sorry,” I choked out, wiping at my eyes some more.

She looked at me tenderly. “Babe, I’m not a parent. I don’t know what it’s like to want to fiercely protect someone from the world, or to wrestle with if you’re doing enough. So, I’m not gonna pretend like I have the answers for you. But, if you want, I’ll offer you my opinion and you can do with it what you like.”

“And what’s your opinion?”

“Well, for one I think you’re doing one hell of a job raising Cass. Don’t ever doubt that. You are an amazing father. Secondly, I think you should call Taylor and ask if she’d be willing to meet her daughter. If she says no, then ask if you can call back in a few years and ask again. That way you can at least tell Cass you tried and that her mom just isn’t ready yet. If she says yes, then go from there. One meeting and she’ll want a relationship with Cass, there’s no doubt about it. After that, it’s up to them what their relationship becomes and you can go from there.”

“You’re not worried about the possibility of Taylor being in my life again?”

“Should I be?” she raised her eyebrows.

“No,” I shook my head. “The only thing I want from Taylor is the promise that if she wants a relationship with Cass that she won’t break her heart the same way she broke mine.”

“Then I’m not worried. Admittedly when you first told me you were a dad, I was worried about your relationship with the mother. A little bit out of jealousy, but I was mostly worried about how Cass and Taylor would feel about me being in your life and in your daughter’s life. But, I trust you, babe. Just be honest with me. I’d prefer honesty, even if i might not like it, compared to lying or hiding anything. I get that if Taylor wants a relationship with Cass, it’ll be a little awkward between the two of you. And I’m fine if that confuses you. Just be honest about it. Don’t blindside me.”

I finally lifted my head off her shoulder to look at her. “You are way too easy-going about this. This doesn’t scare you? Or make you uneasy at all?”

“It does. I’m worried that if Taylor wants a relationship with Cass that she’s going to think it means a relationship with you, too. I’m worried that those old feelings will resurface for both of you. I mean, I’m in love with you, Ash, and I don’t want you to break my heart. But, that’s a risk in every relationship. Every relationship runs the risk of ending in heartbreak. I’m just choosing to bet this one doesn’t.”

“I’m betting on us, too,” I smiled, kissing her, before resting my head on her shoulder again. Her arm snaked around to rub my back in a soothing manner. I let my body relax into hers, allowing her to comfort me while my mind wrestled with the best decision for Cassidy. We sat there in silence, me laying against her, her rubbing my back, until Cassidy woke up from her nap. “Hey, love, feeling better?” I asked, sitting upright.

She shrugged as she crawled into my lap.

“You know I love you, right?” I wrapped my arms around her.

She nodded. Then, “Daddy, you should only do ponytails.”

I chuckled softly. “I’m sorry, love. You don’t feel left out not having a momma, do you?”

She shook her head. “I like having a daddy. But all the other kids have mommas, too. And they’re nice and pretty. Why can’t Nic be my momma? She’s nice and pretty.”

I choked a little. “Uh… love… it doesn’t work like that, love. You have a momma, already.”

“But, I want a real momma.”

“Do you want a momma so she’ll braid your hair?” Nic asked.

“Yeah. All the girls have pretty braids because they have mommas.”

“Well, you don’t need a momma for pretty braids.”

“I don’t?”

“No,” Nic told her. “Mommas are just like daddies. Daddies can make just as pretty braids as mommas. They just need more practice because their hair is shorter.”

“Oh!” Cassidy said, like the whole world made sense again. Then, she leaned up to Nic and whispered loudly, “Can you teach Daddy how to braid my hair?”

Nic laughed and hugged Nora, “Of course!”

Over the next hour, Nic taught me several different types of braids, while I slowly started to admit that if I wanted to raise my daughter to have the confidence to make her own choices, then I had to support them, regardless of my own inhibitions. If Cassidy wanted to try and have a relationship with Taylor, then I wasn’t going to be the one standing in the way.

~~~

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