#Get some meaningful irl relationships while you're at it

[defective-4068]

Seeing bucktommy hate in the bucktommy tag really just makes me laugh. It's been canon for what? 10 weeks now? Bro, move on! Find something else to make yourself miserable.

I know who I'm talking about will see this because they probably stalk the bucktommy tag so, this is for you:

Buck and Tommy are in a relationship that IS Canon whether you like it or not, they kiss, they cuddle, they comfort eachother, they go on dates, they absolutely fuck nasty, they ARE boyfriends and lastly, I hope you can find something other than shitting on people's happiness that brings you joy in your clearly sad, miserable and pathetic life.

I hope the rest of y'all have a nice day/night :)

[zorlok-if]

Hi everybody,

It's been a while. Sorry that I've been gone so long without explanation or communication, I've been in a bad place. For more info check under the cut. Otherwise, hello! I'm alive and so is this project. Progress has been stalled and will continue to be stalled because this is a hobby and I have to focus on priorities. That doesn't mean that it's dead. I still intend to release everything when I can. I appreciate your support and interest.

Hope you're all well! 😊

Albie

(cw: discussion of bad mental health, anxiety, and depression; school shooting mention)

Okay, hello! Welcome to the rest of this post.

Basically, I've been in a bad mental place for a long time and have a lot of issues that I've left unaddressed or festering—most of which tie back to depression, anxiety, fear, and self-loathing.

To start, I wasn't able to graduate this past winter because I fell one class short of my requirements. That really sent me into a spiral and put a strain on my interpersonal relationships.

Then I tried to take that last class this spring but fear related to recent school shootings exacerbated and activated some bad ND habits and I won't be able to complete this course. That means I still won't be able to graduate until I find some online equivalent or professor who will allow me to remain fully remote.

Around the time I found out I wouldn't be graduating, I also got some really cruel anon hate which added onto how I was already feeling and made me hesitant to put anything else out online.

Other things have happened: family stuff, work stuff, health stuff, sociopolitical stuff, etc. (I don't want to go into details with some and won't burden you with the rest). But, essentially, I found myself at a darker place than normal. I withdrew into myself and have been stewing in crippling self-loathing while wearing a convincing smile in my everyday life. (being really honest with this stuff so that if anyone else is going through/experienced something like this they can know they're not alone)

Fortunately, I was able to get away for a bit and spent some time with loved ones I rarely get to see. I've also made a few irl friends recently and feel like I'm coming back out of my shell and starting to heal after traumatic events and relationships. For the first time in a long time, I feel invigorated. I mean, I still feel like stinking trash, but garbage with a will to live and better itself.

As of right now, I'm moving out and finding more work so I can better support myself financially.

If you've read all this going, where's the Zorlok/(other game) update? Here you go: I've been working on Zorlok somewhat, but in the situation/place where I was at, found myself unable to justify dedicating a lot of time to writing and struggling to feel confident about what I was creating when I actually did sit down to do so. This project is in no way dead and I want to work on it and release games more than anything, but I owe it to myself and other people in my life to keep my priorities in check.

This is a hobby and in the past I dedicated time to it when I should've been doing other things. As long as this is a hobby, I can no longer take time away from my priorities to do something I just want to do (no matter how badly I want to do it). So, that's where we're at. I'm continuing to focus on critical things and stop feeling like a jerk for doing that. I know that this might disappoint some people, but that's how things are right now.

If you want to know more about where things are literally at: I'm close to finishing a heavily updated and expanded prologue but episode one has been undergoing changes. I feel pretty shit about myself and that's seeped into my view on what I create which is in turn stalling my ability to make meaningful progress that I don't immediately want to destroy. I've worked on potential Patreon content (including an exclusive game and a Creating Goncharov director's cut), made a Twine template and tutorial, and made progress on updates for Mousetrap and System Processing. I've avoided making changes to the Zorlok page (and my other itch.io pages) these past few months since I don't want people getting their hopes up seeing some sort of "update" from itch.io—only for that update to be "there's no game update yet." That's why those are still out of date, but I'll be fixing them as soon as I can.

So, that's where we are. I wish that I had way more to talk about and release, but that's not been a possibility and I'm just going to be upfront and honest—even if I am disappointed and somewhat afraid and ashamed to admit it. (that's it for the game updates, the rest just gets back to personal)

In general, I've always struggled with shame and fear and those are the main culprits for why I've been radio silent until now. I couldn't find a way to address these topics or talk about them without my odious inner critic getting triggered and shutting me down. However, I'm trying my best to not listen to that asshole because this (*gestures at everything*) must stop.

To be honest, I'm not content with prolonged existence anymore. I want to live—and that's more than I've been able to say for a long time. To be perfectly honest, for the past decade or so I've lived simply because others wanted me around, not because I wanted to be here. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of indifference being my best hope for how I feel about myself. I'm tired of forcing an apathetic soul to drag my flesh through the muck of living. I don't expect what I experience to improve, in fact things will definitely be getting tougher, but I want to change how I experience it. I want to actively live rather than passively slip by. I want to answer questions like "what do you want to do with your life?" and "what are your plans?" with more than vague shrugs and dead-hearted replies meant to brush people off the topic of the future. I want to stop passing through life as a ghost.

I'm still trying to find the motivation, purpose, or courage to genuinely live for myself instead of existing for other people. I still haven't found my "spark"—that properly and blissfully selfish reason to live—but I think wanting to search is a good start.

Anyways, I'll be around more and I'll be more honest with where I am and what's going on. It's my personal mission to deny fear's control over my life and actions. Part of that means allowing myself to be more open with people even if I'm afraid of judgment or negativity.

Excluding a few outliers, you've all been exceptionally kind and encouraging. I'm always overwhelmed and astonished with the support that's been shown to me and my creative projects and I appreciate you all. Thank you so much. Thank you for reading through this. Thank you for caring. You're part of why I'm around.

I hope that you're having a lovely day/night/et cetera and if you aren't, you're not alone ❤️.

I'll see you around. 😊 Thanks again,

Albie

[fuzzyfoe]

I had some more thoughts about that "capitalism is the reason why being an adult sucks" thing I mentioned in response to that ask.

With the way employment works for most people right now it really is just "oh, you want to maintain the connections and meaningful relationships you've formed with people earlier in your life? your friends you went to school with or perhaps even your family members or a significant other? you want to continue to talk to them and hang out with them and form new memories with them? the people who were the most important people in your life? well fuck you lol"

When everybody works eight hours a day (or in my brother's case, even more!!) and everybody starts and ends their shifts at different times and has different days off, it becomes inevitable that some people are going to have their work aligned in such a way that they will never get to see each other. And this can happen with someone who's important to you. Sometimes, if you really wanna catch up with someone, you must sacrifice either a full night's sleep or some of the precious limited paid time off that you're allowed. And I don't think it should be this way. I don't think human beings were meant to live this way.

I think it's this particular situation that's playing a huge factor in what people are calling "social media addiction", in which people spend so much of their waking hours online and they overshare with and seek the approval of strangers they've never met in person because they're being denied enough human connection irl. It's not an issue with people needing to use their phones less and telling people to use their phones less isn't gonna help. It's a systemic issue that's leading to people being isolated, and unless anything is done to fix it people will not have any alternatives other than social media and the internet to socialize and connect with people with, which is a human need.

I feel like this is particularly bad for autistic people, as we have a harder time making new friends and forming new connections with people and often can't with just anyone, whereas neurotypicals may have an easier time forming new relationships with their coworkers to replace the connections with people that they have lost. There's also the time autistic people need to recover from burnout or to recover from having to mask while being at work all day, which eats up even more of the time that could've been used to fulfill the need for human connection that already gets eaten up by the time spent at work and the need to sleep.

[fairycosmos]

personally, it's kind of patronizing to hear advice like "you need some irl friends to get u off this site every once in a while" because like YEAH... I KNOW. but it's not like i have a queue of people vying for a chance to be friends with me. the problem is that being in a bad place mentally inherently pushes people away so forming and maintaining relationships is so profoundly difficult. on another note, i just wanted to tell you that you're seen in this universe. idk if that means anything to you but every day i log on and look for you on my feed.

yeah i totally hear this and you worded it so well. im aware isolation is a big part of the problem but there's a lot of very real barriers keeping me from building any meaningful friendships and thats just the way it is whether or not it's like. healthy or ideal or whatever. but i know that anon was well intentioned and i got how they meant it, i just wish it was that easy. i feel so disconnected from everyone and everything, even when i try to put myself out there. i hear from a lot of people my age that its difficult to make friends these days even when youre not neurodivergent or mentally ill but then everyone seems to be a lot less alienated than i am in their day to day lives. so its tough. thank you sm for the kind words and for being so genuine and understanding ❤️ im really sorry you're in the same boat as me - it means a lot that you look out for my blog. i will be here if you need a friend or someone to chat to!! x

[dootznbootz]

I know this may seem strange, but I think everyone deserves a kiss from the homies to say good night. I think your head canons capture that very well!

I wish I had a friendship like Menelaus and Odysseus though… Well, I do. But they live so far away :,(

Thank you!🥹 And I feel ya 😔 I so badly wanna send my homies who live far away sweets and nice meals and stuff ;~; (honestly in some ways, I think it's very sweet that people can be very close regardless of distance though, you know? 🥺 Ofc, I wanna hang out irl but in a way, it goes to show that friendship doesn't necessarily need to be irl to be REAL you know?)

I'm not too upset about the "Menelaus and Odysseus should fuck nasty!" Anon (if you're out there anon, as I said, write it if you want, but this is a SFW blog for the most part. don't send stuff like that HERE xD ) I mean, I did find it kind of funny in the "um, okay???" confused sort of way but it IS kind of sad that the fandom is... vERY sexual sometimes. 😅

And I think WAYYY too much stuff puts emphasis on romance/sex in many ways and portrays it as "the most important" and/or the "final step" in any friendship. Or even just "Oh? They care about each other? They HAVE to be fucking then!" Friendship being the "final step" of a relationship doesn't make it lesser!

Like, I know I'm kind of weird in how I'm kind of a "If it's not canon, then it's just friends." most of the time but idk, xD I REALLY care about my friends so with the "Friends don't look at each other like that", I'm confused as "I look at friends like that? and there's nothing romantic about it??? What type of friends do you have if you don't look at each other like that???"

And with Menelaus and Odysseus, they're so fun to write about as they're different in personality but they understand each other. I love them both as they're so similar but so different and lksdj (idk I talk about it more here.) Both being hurt by one another with Odysseus' "I pretended to be mad to not help" and Menelaus having the war in the first place, they're hurt but also are thinking "...I would have done the same if I was in your position." As their wives and children are the most important to them. And they both know that while they care about each other,

"You're my dearest friend but my family will always come before you. I don't feel bad about trying to dodge the draft." "Ditto. I don't feel bad about dragging you to help me. Let's go cuddle and cry."

And they get comfort by knowing the other understands that. They both need their time to ramble and cry about their loves and kids. As they ARE lonely and scared. Friendship isn't less meaningful than a romantic/sexual relationship. I also have them as friends since before they got married so their friendship goes way back as well.

Like I sometimes get worried about scenes I wanna write because "will readers make this weird?" when that's not my intention at ALL.

Idk :P Have mini half-assed snippet anon! (wrote this very quick a while back)

Context: Palamedes said something and Odysseus is drunk and angry and Menelaus is trying to calm things down.

Odysseus scoffed and swayed a bit. Lightweight. "And what about Paris?" He spat. Menelaus snapped. "That is different. He is an enemy-" "AND PALAMEDES ISN'T MINE?!" Odysseus' straining voice hurled itself at him as he was now yelling in Menelaus' face. A baby's wail echoed throughout the camp. The loud little lungs of Greater Ajax's young son, Eurysaces, cried out as he was awoken by loud yelling… The two fathers instinctively whipped towards the sound, stunned still. Odysseus' face, twisted up in anger as tears gushed from his eyes, went slack. The shadow of a woman in the torchlight moved throughout the tent a ways away. Picking up her child, soothing him… It's been so long since Menelaus' has seen his children. Their children. Hermione was 9 and Megapenthes was 5 when Helen was kidnapped. Menelaus used to be able to pick them both up in his arms, lifting them alternatively as they laughed and asked to be taken higher…She was 13 and he was 9 now… Could he still do that? A bush of red-brown pressed against Menelaus' chest, curtaining Odysseus' face as he looked down. "I miss my baby…" he whimpered, leaning on him. "I want my baby…" Menelaus squeezed his friend tightly to him, blinking back tears of his own. Odysseus shook with more sobs. "He's not even a baby anymore but he… He's mine." He weakly slammed a bloody fist into Menelaus' chest and raised his head. "She's not a bitch! ...How could he even call her that…?" Menelaus swallowed a sob, rubbing Odysseus' back.

The Palamedes situation is more complex than this (it's definitely not black and white) but it's a big emotional moment. :')

[playedestroy]

i do wonder what it is though that makes submission so... for lack of a better word consumable?

i say this with the asterisk that i'm not yet in a place where i can make contact with the community irl where i live, so my vantage point is also inevitably quite restricted, and i'm sure this conversation is already being had Lots And Lots in offline communities

but there's some kind of weird little cycle where the imagery and "aesthetic" we have come to associate with submission does numbers online - no doubt because a lot of that imagery involves skinny white ablebodied cis women - which creates a spiders georg of "oh most of this community is submissive?" which creates a perhaps disproportionate amount of articles/blog posts/etc that address the needs and emotions and soft skills for subs (which don't get me wrong are super important)

(we see this happen also with roles or activities that are associated with submission - from what i understand it's a big part of why there has had to be so much pushback to support the idea that there can be women who do puppy play, men who are kittens, that you don't need to have all the special branded gear that the instagram models say you should ... it's a commodification of kink and intimacy along quite hard lines of gender and whiteness and wealth that i'm still baffled by)

but then while there are plenty of tutorials of hard skills for doms - rope tutorials, flogging tutorials, etcetera - they tend to be 1) quite prescriptive ("this is your role as the dom and you can only do things this way") and 2) don't really address soft skills like how to be vulnerable and open with your sub (in a way that makes said sub feel safe and warm and trusted with and by you) while not feeling like you're "failing"

#2 is quite crucial i think especially given that the expectation of dominance often falls on cis men who are not encouraged or validated to do that in a way that is both respectful and responsible of both themselves & the people they're with

and the "aesthetic" of a dom seems to be less defined, and therefore harder to market - and in fact we have reason to distrust the image of a highly marketable dom because a lot of them seem to be more interested in money or control than in meaningful connections/scenes/relationships

a superficial glance in the tags will show 5 cute witty charming posts about the things subs wish doms would do to them back to back but there are few to no doms in the same tags, and if they are there the posts don't have nearly the same amount of traction

[seiwas]

Sel😆!!! its the nonie with the young bittersweet relationship again (I find this title long and funny lol)! 

thank you for being so kind and genuine first of all🥺 I love talking about this with you!!! and for an emoji could I have a ⭐️ pls🥺🫶?

and I definitely agree about how it’s possible to be friends with an ex! like I think it is but bc of the history I can also see that it would be difficult😭 and kinda of nerve racking ngl, like that’s how I think I would feel about it, like there is a part of me that would be excited! I just think that I would also be a little scared because who knows how it would go🧍‍♀️because like we did used to be something more but I really did enjoy that friendship and our banter so idk😭🤷‍♀️ (this is obviously still very much causing me to overthink it lol🤦‍♀️). 

AND LMAO THE WAY YOUR BF STILL TEASES YOU ABOUT IT😭 like what that’s so silly goofy of him😭 I’m glad that he’s been such a good sport about it🥺 (also how does he tease you if you don’t mind me asking?? I just find it so endearing that you guys are so open and comfortable with each other to do that😭🫶) and the hiking pics!!!! that’s so cute!!! and especially with their hands around their shoulders like🥹

(also I’m so sorry if this response feels a little incoherent or as if my thoughts were flying in all kinds of directions, I feel like my brain was put in a blender by my professors today😵‍💫) 

I hope your day went well Sel!!! and that you’re week has been going great!!! btw I’m loving the iwa brainrot on here right now😆! I was taking peeks on here throughout the day and giggling like a maniac🤭

I wish you the best weekend ever and I hope you get to rest up and enjoy some time for yourself too!!!🥺🫶💖

omg nonie hello welcome back!! 🥺 that is such a long silly title!! 😭 we can change it to ⭐️ nonie!! hehe

and of course!! aah i love listening to the stories people tell me!! esp if it's smth meaningful to them 🥹 (maybe it's the psych major in me 😭)

i get what you mean!! omg i think esp if it ended amicably, it leaves room for so many more possibilities! who knows how it would go indeed 😭 i love reading exes to lovers tropes but wouldn't know how that'd go down irl tbh 😭 you can choose not to answer this bc it might be a bit touchy, but! do you think if you were given another chance, you'd want to try again w him? or if you were to be friends again, do you think you'd still have leftover feelings?

and my bf is so silly goofy pls 😭 i think i see bits of my faves in him everyday!! (looks like iwa, kirishima + yuuji in how kind and smiley he is, atsumu + gojo in how silly n playful he is 😭, he has a bit of deku in him too from how shy he can get w strangers! it's just a whole mishmash of them! 😭) but he's honestly the best! super chill and such a good sport!!

how he teases me about it omg in some pictures where i'm beside my 'ex-thing', he says rlly jokingly while waggling his eyebrows and smiling: OOOO YOU'RE KINDA CLOSE THERE HMMM; or he'd give me a look every time 'ex-thing' is brought up in convos, almost like he's saying '~~OH OH OH YOUR EX-THING!!' so like waggling eyebrows again and smiling HAHA i always roll my eyes and push him away when he does it HAHA we've been together for a long time and started out as good friends (5 years together + 2-3 as friends!) so i think we can be a bit silly like that bc we've known each other for so long 🥹

also no worries!! omg i feel like my thoughts are scattered all over the place all the time too 😭 i hope your day in uni went well nonie!! 🥹 am gonna start baking cookies rn hihi

AND!! THE IWA BRAINROT oh my god koi's really been feeding us lately w em i can't 😭😭 pls i'm glad u're enjoying it bc i'm dYING HSDBFHAS

hope your weekend is amazing as well nonie, you are so sweet!! don't forget to rest up too!! 🥹💗

[fozmeadows]

do you think it's possible for an adult to have a crush on a teenage fictional character and enjoy reading smut about them without being a predator? i can't stop freaking out that there must be something wrong with me. i don't want to hurt anyone irl so why do i still like fictional teens sometimes?

Because fictional teens speak to the part of you that used to be a teenager, too - and that's normal! We all carry our younger selves within us like a set of emotional nesting dolls, and part of our inherent understanding of the difference between fiction and reality is that we know it's safe to explore things in the former precisely because of how it's distinct from the latter.

Enjoying something in fiction, in the privacy of your thoughts and, yes, even your personal sexual fantasies, is no indication that you want it in any other context - in fact, we often fantasise about things which, IRL, we aggressively don't want. Here's a really benign, vanilla example: barebacking. In real life, barebacking is at best messy (and potentially very uncomfortable, if you're having anal sex) and at worst actively dangerous, carrying the risk of unwanted pregnancies and STDs. But it's also an immensely common sexual fantasy. When people fantasise about barebacking, casting it as sexy and safe and intimate for the length of time it takes them to get off isn't the result of ignorance or some terrible need to downplay a serious issue. Rather, we're choosing to enjoy the idea of a thing disconnected from the reality precisely because we're aware that the fantasy is a separate thing entirely.

The same applies to darker content, too. When we read murder mysteries, it's not because we're secretly yearning to be (for instance) an embittered, alcoholic detective who keeps being emotionally devastated by proximity to horrific killings; scary stories are thrilling precisely because they let us experience our fears vicariously, at a safe remove. And this is equally true of our sexual desires, which are multifaceted and complex. Just as no two people will have the same reaction to a story, no two people will have quite the same reasons for indulging a particular sexual fantasy, and while it can be helpful to understand why we find a particular thing appealing (or not), when something takes place only on the page or in your head - when fantasy is the limit of our enjoyment of the thing - it hurts nobody. Think of it like a Venn diagram: there are things you want in reality, and things you like in fantasies, and only a certain number of them overlap. That's human nature; you're not remotely a freak.

Being a teenager is hard. No matter how good your school, how loving your family and how positive your relationships, it's a hugely impactful time in our lives. Of course we return to it in our thoughts once we're older! Of course we revisit stories about teenagers! Of course we find them meaningful! But engaging in fantasies about those characters no more makes you a predator than writing about serial killers makes someone a murderer, because fictional characters aren't real, and knowing that allows us to interact with them and their narratives in ways we'd never want to otherwise.

[butch-reidentified]

butch-reidentified !!

you almost definitely don't remember me but you replied to my message a few months ago; 15y/o radfem, it was just after i'd peaked, i was telling you about how i was able to stop wearing makeup & how it was a big deal for me.

anyway i remember your response & the comments under it were so insanely nice i just wanted to tell you how things r going atm, and how tbh none of it would have been possible without you.

a week or so after roe v wade was overturned i had reached my Fucking Limit and had to find out if there were people offline that thought the way i do, so i printed out some radfem-based posters (with credit) and hung them up around the park and little locations around my town with an email separate from my own attached. tbh i was a little scared for a response because i thought it would either be someone's father telling me i'm lucky to have access to a vote or some dumb shit, or someone younger telling me i'm a disgrace to feminism based on my egg-centricity or whatever.

i did get a few messages like that but also three radical-leaning ladies came through !! two girls and a woman from my area, who i've met with twice irl since the posters and speak frequently with online. they r very very intelligent and we try to challenge each other and use nuance and things. it's just very very nice to have a community offline and if you can go about it safely i'd encourage everyone else to find like-minded women you can speak with.

i haven't been on here for a little while, but holy shit you got married :DD !! i just wanted to thank you and to say congratulations & i wish the two of you a life of happiness.

Omg of course I remember you, are you kidding?! Your message meant so much to me. For those of us who are gnc radfems, a huge part of what enables us to continue being gnc, even when it gets really challenging and people are cruel, is the belief that we can help younger women and girls be freer through leading by example. Showing them hey, I don't own heels or makeup and I'm twice as happy for it - not in spite of it. So when someone like you reaches out like you did, it gives us strength and hope for all women and girls. It tells us that our efforts and our struggles are worthwhile and achieving something meaningful.

I am so genuinely ecstatic and proud to hear about your organizing! It is crucial (not to mention good for the soul) to have like-minded women/girls around irl, absolutely. I hope you know how strong you are. It took me several years beyond 15 to start finding my strength and voice as a woman, and into my 20s to find radical feminism. You're way ahead of me and I'm so here for it! I hope you continue building relationships and moving forward, and I hope you find fulfillment and joy in it. You deserve to ✨️

Thank you so much for the update. It really made my day. I'm glad things are going well for you, and thank you so much for the congratulations and well wishes! We couldn't possibly be happier 😊

[kingofthewilderwest]

I feel like Tumblr also feels like a ghost town because of the NSFW ban, and how we found out that certain parties were using the site to further nefarious schemes. It means that it's harder to trust new people because they could be lying about their fandom love as part of a factory job.

Both of these are counterable, and I use this as an encouragement for folks thinking of being active to make tumblr a more social place - reblog with added comments, have public blog conversations, talk to people, etc. My response isn't going to be directed specifically at you, but for all peeps coming into this conversation. And I realize we were also talking about events outside us, but I want to bring this in to what “We can do.”

"Ghost town" to me always feels like the Brother Bear meme. "Sometimes I can still hear his voice." ;)

What you're saying works from an analytical factual standpoint, because that was a cultural turning point of tumblr. "People left" is a description of one reason we saw tumblr become less social. And seeing deactivated blogs is a thing.

But it doesn't work from when trying to explain why you (universal "you") aren't talking now. The onus of maintaining tumblr social culture isn't on others who've left; it's on us who've stayed. We, the people using this website, direct what this website's culture is.

That many people left tumblr for the nsfw ban, while true, minimizes the fact others are still here. Ghost towns don't have dashes full of new posts. I know all of us go on tumblr and see active bloggers - otherwise, what content are we consuming? ;) And as long as there are humans we are following and reblogging, then we have the possibility to talk to them.

We're walking around, a bunch of living people, on a platform that is alive, keeping it alive by our being there, where each of our many posts is a throbbing pulse and our reblogs reach the limits of the circulatory system, but saying, "We're dead." And that's hilariously backwards. I can either look at a slightly wilted plant and water it and foster it to blossoms, or I can quit watering it and kill it. But whether the plant lives or dies is on me. And folks need to quit watching, blaming others for inactivity when you're the people on tumblr, and start doing.

I am not going to cover the administration's financial situation. I am just talking about USER CULTURE.

A community can be extremely vibrant whether it's 300 people, 3,000 people, or 3,000,000 people. Some of the best discord servers I've been in have 6 people and some of the least vibrant servers I've been in have 600. Some of the best social media groups or platforms I've been on have been smaller. Whether or not there is a smaller userbase on tumblr now than in the past does not need to dictate whether or not we choose to talk to someone.

2. Learning about things like Russian tumblr bots is going to be a fact of life wherever you are. Tumblr isn't special. This has to be a thing people need to grow to handle. Learning how to balance the duality of trust and sometimes-'betrayal' will be infused in every fiber of every society. There will always be a faker, whether it's the falsely happy coworker telling lies for clout, the companies that pretend they support a social issue for sales, or the internet blogger pretending to be 16.

Loss of trust sucks, and it can be hard to work through, but living by a generalized distrustful mindset where everyone is now out to get you is going to make things psychologically worse and less fulfilling. In the end, the way to combat a disappointment is by finding meaningful, supportive relationships again. And you can't do that by hiding from everyone. Health often comes with community, not isolation.

Of course of course of course, internet safety, but folks were hopefully acting by internet safety before anything was revealed about Tumblr Blog X, Y, or Z. Internet safety is a constant, just like there's public irl safety. I think that someone should always be operating on websites with a grain of doubt for who you're talking to - anything else is letting the guard down too much, exactly because they're strangers. Doesn't mean there aren't awesome ways to socialize with genuine humans. I can still have fun talking to strangers, irl or url. Just don't expect them to be incapable of wrong.

For something like learning a blog making political posts had a bad angle? I mean, this is just my view, but tumblr is Horrrrrrrrrible for accuracy and intent on political, social, religious, etc. information. This isn't the best site to believe what we read, anyway. Like, just keep the doubt up and the fact checking on, is what I encourage.

Socialization is always a learning and growing process. But no one grows if no one's socializing.

Besides, it's going to be easier to figure out if the blogger is a real person when you chat with them on a day-to-day informal basis, rather than keep 'em at an arm's distance ;)

"Don't make the same mistakes twice" (like trusting blogs with certain political content without careful triangulation) is different than "don't try again" (talking to someone for recreation).

----

I 100% encourage people to reblog posts with comments to create a sense of social culture on this website again. Your points are about factors of the past, which are facts. I agree with you there. These happened and contributed to tumblr’s changes, yes, totally, good points. But if we're going to talk about reasons for personal inactivity, it's always on the person to be active. It's by doing things in the present, rather than dwelling on pasts, that something changes.

[carpisuns]

Here I am for Carpisuns Appreciation Week! Your art is amazing, your writing is amazing, you're so kind and inspiring and comforting, thank you for gracing our fandom with your self. It's amazing how much content you create and how consistently you make me smile.

But I also wanted to thank you for something more personal to me: mentioning that you're a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in your blog description. It probably seems small--it almost feels stupid to say it--but seeing that one line helped me so much. I was feeling very conflicted over my identity as both a Mormon and an ally (I now know I'm actually ace, but that happened later), because I saw so much homophobia in our church and it made me ashamed. I felt like I had to choose one side of me, and I hated that. Seeing a kind member who isn't just an ally, but openly LGBTQ+, made me so happy. It reassured me that I can be both at once, and I can be proud of both parts of myself.

So thank you. Thank you for being brave and living a contradiction that I long feared wasn't an option. Thank you for teaching me that we aren't contradictions. Even if it might have seemed small to you, even if it didn't take the courage it took for me, thank you. You're amazing.

It's so late here and I'm so emotional at night and I'll probably regret this in the morning but I just had to say thank you. So thank you.

Thank you for your kind words. They mean a lot 💜

I’m going to put the rest of this under a cut for people who would rather not read about religion haha. I was going to answer on priv but in case this would be helpful to anyone else in a similar boat I decided to post on main

I’m so happy to hear the effect my bio had on you. Tbh it did take courage, but it was important to me to have both of those parts of my identity side by side. When I was younger, I wasn’t very open about my faith because religion is something so deeply personal and also divisive, depending on who’s around you. And I hate conflict so I just wanted to avoid it at all costs, haha. But eventually decided that my faith was too important to hide like that. I thought, if I’m going to put a few words up there to introduce myself, it just doesn’t feel right to not mention it. My belief in Jesus Christ and my commitment to follow Him in many ways defines who I am as a person. So I decided years ago to put it in my bio and have always felt good about that. I’m not here to shove religion in anyone’s face or preach at them or judge them or anything like that—I’m just saying, “This is me and it’s important to me.”

As for the bi part, that is a lot more recent haha. It’s almost embarrassing that I didn’t identify as bi until I was 25, but the comphet is strong lol. I think it took me a lot longer to realize/accept my attraction to women because I am still attracted to men, so I can “pass” as straight and always assumed I was, and it was easy enough for a while to brush aside or repress or misinterpret my same-sex attraction. I questioned for years before I finally decided to try out the label “bisexual” in my head. And it felt right to me. It felt good to be honest about that part of myself. I am still not out to the public or the rest of my family, but I’ve told a few close friends and I wanted to at least be able to be open about it in my separate online spaces, to get more comfortable with the label as I figure out how to handle it with people I actually know IRL. But mostly I wanted to add those two extra letters to my bio because I feel like it’s important for other people to see them next to the name of the Church—and important to me most of all. To remind myself, yes, I can be openly bi and a faithful member of the Church. Those two things aren’t mutually exclusive. I am still committed to the teachings of the gospel, so I will not pursue relationships with women, but I can still be open about my experience and supportive of my LGBTQ siblings both inside and outside of my faith. I find it pretty freeing to be bi on the outside and not just inside my own head, you know? I’m not sure how it goes for other people but a lot of my early experience was wondering if I was faking it or tricking myself into thinking I was bi for attention or something. But literally why would I do that lol. This in-between space of being queer and a member of the Church has not been an easy place to live, but I’m trying to make a home here and I’d like to invite others too if I can.

And I guess that’s another reason it’s important to be open about both things. As I’ve been learning more about myself and my relationship with others and the Church and the world as a bi person, I’ve come to really crave a space where I can feel comfortable and open with both of those aspects of my identity—my queerness and my religious faith. I haven’t really found a space yet that supports both. Generally in queer-positive spaces, religion is (very understandably) a point of contention and pain, and I get why, as a Christian/Latter-day Saint, I may not be welcome to everyone in that space. But then within the Church and other Christian spaces, I have a hard time finding support or understanding at all. People don’t want to talk about it. They don’t know how. I think to some people in either space, my existence doesn’t really make sense lol. Like, how can you say you’re bi if you’re a member of the Church? Or how can you be queer and stay in that church? But I’m here and my experience is real and I know I’m not the only one. So part of my reason is to say to others like me, “Hey, me too. You’re not alone.” And I’m really really glad that it could speak to you that way.

For many years before I realized I was bi, I was drawn to the LGBTQ community and felt a desire to be an ally. I just didn’t know how. I felt like I had to walk some kind of line and support but not be too supportive, to love but not too much. But I’m not here to put limits on my love anymore. I don’t think that is what Jesus Christ taught. I am making the choice to stay committed to the teachings of the gospel, and I hope people respect that because it’s important to me. But other people will choose differently from me, and that’s okay and I will still love them and we will still be part of something together.

Sorry to say so much about this haha especially since as an ace person your experience is not quite the same as mine. But I have a few close friends who are ace and are also members of the Church and the space we’ve shared has been incredibly meaningful for me. I’m grateful you reached out and I hope my rambling helps you somewhat haha. If you ever want to chat, please feel free to message me! 💜

[traumacatholic]

I'm sorry in adavnce for a small rant... but i'm so tired of everything. For the past 2 years our government has been closing and opening the churches willy-nilly. And even if they were open we had to like.. write our name on a piece of paper to trace back in case anyone gets covid during mass. And then only vaccinated people were let in. And now the churches are completely closed. There is no mass. And our bishops are not doing anything, they just endorsed vaccination and said we are dispensed from mass since it's covid and that's it. It feels like such a slap in the face, like right now we need to be close to God more than ever, but i feel like no one in my country is taking a stand for us believers. It's not like i have other options right now, but watching the mass online or on tv feels like a caricature of what mass should have been. For the past few months i've been "just" reading the scripture and praying at home, but it feels so meaningless when i don't know when this situation ends. I know you can't like fix all this, but i've been so frustrated for so long and i have literally no one irl to complain about this, because they would not understand. They are either vaccinated and waiting until the church opens for them, or they watch it on tv and don't get that i hate the mere idea of that... anyway. I hope you are having a nice day. And i wonder, what is the church situation wherever you are?

I'm sorry that you're struggling because of Church closures. I do understand the frustration of wanting to go to Mass but being unable to. For here, for a long while Churches were closed and then for some time after a lot of Churches weren't offering Confession (presumably because of social distancing laws and no real alternative place to hear Confession).

We are now kind of being threatened with another lockdown, so our ability to attend Church right now is on shaky footing. Hopefully a further lockdown won't come into place, or that the rules won't be as restrictive as they were before. Although some signs are pointing towards it being a very restrictive lockdown if it goes ahead.

I know that you feel lacking in 'just' reading Scripture, and that you dislike watching Masses. Would it be possible to make your prayer routine longer on a Sunday or dedicate more time to Scripture reading? For example, on Sundays you might want to try praying part or all of the Divine Office or the Little Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary.

Frustrations in prayer do arise, and while it's not the same thing as spiritual dryness, we can push through it and find that our commitment to prayer and Scripture grows as a result of this time. That we grow in deeper devotion to the Mass, and grow deeper in our knowledge and love for the Eucharist. Don't be afraid to send your Guardian Angel to attend Mass for you, and for you to make Spiritual Communion of your own!

If you feel watching the Mass online is too irreverent, then find ways of making it more meaningful to you and your relationship with God. This could be turning the lights off, burning some incense, and lighting candles. It could be getting into your Sunday best anyway. You can turn Sunday into a longer devotion to God, by really setting it aside for God. Making the change to not go on your phone or laptop so much, and to spend Sundays reading theology books, or spending more time in Bible study. Please don't feel like you have to miss out on Mass just because you can't physically attend.

And of course, using this time and this frustration to pray for your country's bishops and priests + your country in general, can be a really good use of your time. I really am sorry that you're stuck in this situation, and I pray that it will improve for you soon. God bless you

[harrowscore]

you’ve helped me realized that much of what i’ve been praising as ETL is in fact rivals to lovers… and that there are actually a lot of meaningful distinctions between the two relationships!! my conclusion is that both are good but for different reasons.

(sorry for the late reply, anon!)

you're welcome! ❤️ i've not written extensively about the etl Discoursé so i'm not sure which posts of mine helped you specifically but maybe it was something i've reblogged? anyway yes, both can be quite good for different reasons. at the end of the day they're just labels; i do think that the (imo legitimate) rise of the ~it's not etl if they didn't try to kill each other at least once!~ arguments is due to the pressing criticism that actual etl romances get when they do appear in media, see "it's abuse!!1!!" etc. when nope, it's just a fictional trope where two characters are ideologically opposed in every way, they belong to warring factions so of course they'd literally cross swords with each other, and often there's at least one kidnapping/torture/murder attempt. they're enemies, and that what's enemies do, they do not quarrel about rival sport teams or whatever lmao. of course if you (general you) can't handle it that's okay, to each one their own etc., but you can't cry about ~aBuSe when... i mean, that's literally the trope, dude. it often (but not necessarily) crosses with villlain/hero ships, so at least half of the pair has committed some kind of atrocity (good! 😈 lmao). it's not and will never be a 1:1 copy of our reality, and it's not meant to be read as such. of course people throwing knives at each other or whatever irl is not romantic or cute but we're talking about fiction and fictional worlds governed by very different rules than ours. it's a fantasy, a playground where you can make your imaginary dolls act out sceneries that irl are as highly improbable as dragons or magical rings of doom, and that's the point. it's very obvious tbh, i can't believe that even needs to be said, and yet some people don't seem to grasp it.

i also saw some descriptions of rivals to lovers which i don't agree with. there is a difference between rtl or etl and belligerent sexual tension; usually the latter involves two characters who are on the same side but for some reason they dislike each other, so it may turn into a hate/love thing. but rtl implies that, you know, they're rivals, so they're competing over something - i already mentioned opposing sport teams, for example. i'm currently writing a rtl chess au for my otp (which in canon is something like belligerent sexual tension + bad first impression thing a la darcy/lizzie) while in the past i've extensively written about people literally trying to gut each other (and there's at least some torture in it 😌) so i'm familiar with the difference between the two tropes. they're both fun to write but yes, the rtl story seems very tame in comparison with my usual Problematique shit lmao, tho i love writing it because it touches upon other themes, motifs, and tropes i'm in love with.

i think a lot depends on the tone and goals of the story. in a more mundane setting that deals with everyday life and not stakes higher than the empire building it's a bit more difficult to make people who attempt to slice each other's throats fall in love; fantasy&co. implicitly requires a suspension of disbelief - things are way larger than real life, and often this kind of romance shapes the land of these fictional worlds, as both represents different sides of the conflict that in a doylistic way is the basic foundation for these worlds' very existence. it's a bit daunting to imagine the same dynamic in, idk, an austenian-like setting lol, that's why for austen's standards lizzie and darcy are Peak etl when in fact they're extremely vanilla.

[sillyrabbit81]

Her Heavy Cross

Summary: Three years after tragedy hits, Lana she decides to start dating again. She meets Will through a dating app and they begin an online romance. After months of constant requests, Lana relents and agrees to meet and go on an irl date with Will. But is Will who he says he is? Lana is quickly pulled into an intense relationship forcing her to confront her tragic past. Will Lana face it or will she close her heart forever?

Pairing: OMC x OFC (Female and Male POV)

Word Count: approx 3.3k

Warnings: swearing, smut,

Authors Note: The story started as a Henry Cavill fanfiction but I changed it to be an original character, but shades of Henry are still there. Hope you enjoy the story and thanks for reading.

Part 19

Part 20 Final Chapter

Liam and I took it easy for the next couple of days. We spent some time with Perrin and Cole, taking them for walks and making sure they were getting along.

We watched Inglourious Basterds in Liam's theatre room, which was amazing. It was like being in an actual movie theatre. The dimmed lights and sound system made the experience great. Liam cooked me dinner. We even played Scrabble a few times. We were pretty evenly matched, so the games were competitive. We worked out. We fucked. We made love.

On Saturday morning, I woke with a sore neck. I prayed it was just a strained muscle from working out but the stress I was under during the week tended to catch up with me on a Saturday. By about 4 pm, the left side of my head started pounding, and my eyes became sensitive to light. Every sound in the house felt like screaming in my ears, and I wanted to throw up. I would have cried if I didn't already know how much worse it would make it my migraine.

I told Liam I had to go to bed. Even though my migraines were terrible, I was lucky I could usually treat them with some codeine and a few hours of sleep. They rarely last more than six hours. Liam was lovely about it. He insisted on helping me get changed for bed, and he even went and got me a cold washcloth for my head. He laid in bed with me until I fell asleep.

I woke up around 11 pm feeling groggy, but the migraine had gone. I got out of bed and went looking for Liam.

I found him asleep on the lounge under a blanket downstairs. It looked like he had planned to sleep there all night. Perrin was curled up on the blanket between Liam's legs, and Cole laid on the floor in front of the couch. Cole looked up when I came in, rubbing himself against my legs like a cat and nudging my hand for a pat. Perrin's ears came up, and his tail wagged but didn't move. Lazy old Dog.

I knelt in the spot Cole had been. Liam looked so much younger asleep, almost like a boy, since he had started shaving. Apparently, his character is clean-shaven a lot of the time, so he will be switching between being shaved and unshaved depending on filming. I didn't want to startle him, so I ran my fingers through his hair until he started to wake. Liam stretched a bit before opening his eyes, and he looked so cute doing so I almost pinched his cheeks. Perrin finally got up, realising his warm spot was compromised.

"Hey, Sweetheart," he said and looking at his watch. "Are you ok? do you need anything?"

I smiled at him and shook my head. "Just you," I said.

Liam smiled one of his full Hollywood smiles. He takes my breath away when he does that. "How's your head?"

"I haven't had any complaints," I said, winking. I think I've watched Drag Race too many times.

Liam chuckled and shook his head at me. "And you certainly won't get any from me." He said, getting up. Kissing my forehead, he said, "I'm glad you're feeling better."

I took his hand and pulled him towards the elevator. Like the gentleman he is, he pretended I was able to pull him.

We get in bed, Liam on his back and me with my head on his chest. He stroked my hair, trying to lull me to sleep. I always find it difficult to sleep at night if I have a nap in the afternoon. I was content to breathe my calming breaths and not worry about forcing the sleep I knew would eventually come.

Since sleep was alluding me, I asked Liam, "are you nervous about tomorrow?"

"Meeting your family?" I nodded. He shrugged, "a little. It's been a while since I've been introduced to the family. A couple of years, actually. But I'm mostly looking forward to it." He gave me a quick kiss. "What about you?"

"After Thursday, I don't know if I'll be nervous about anything again." Liam chuckled. "I'm a little concerned about my mum. But I'm excited about you meeting the kids. I wonder if they will recognise you."

"Sometimes, kids do. Other times they say that's not him. He doesn't have a cape." I chuckled. Liam didn't speak for a while, so I tried letting Liam's breaths rock me to sleep. Then he spoke again, "Do you want kids?"

"You know, I do," I replied. We had spoken about it when we first started talking. Not wanting kids had been a deal-breaker for both of us. It was one of the first questions he had asked once we had gotten past the superficial talk. I looked at him, puzzled. "Why?"

"When you first told me about your contraception, I thought with my dick, so naturally, I was excited about not having to wear a condom." Liam's lip twitched, "Having said that, I wouldn't mind seeing you put a condom on me again." I rolled my eyes and indicated he should keep talking. "But then I thought you got that thing put in when you were still with Andy. If it's none of my business, that's fine. I had just been thinking about it, is all."

"You're wondering why I would use such a long-lasting contraception when I was married and wanted kids."

He nodded. "That sums it up."

"Well, several reasons. I had to replace the one I had. It had expired. Second, I have Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, and one symptom is very irregular periods. I was always scared I was pregnant. I could go months without a period, and when I did, they were hell. I would get migraines for weeks, mood swings from being happy to almost suicidal throughout my cycle. When the period came, there was bad cramping and back pain, joint pain, fatigue. So, I had my first implant when I was 20."

"That sound's awful, Sweetheart."

"Yup. I got the last one put in instead of trying for kids because I was 26. Yes, Andy and I wanted kids, but we wanted to wait a few more years, pay more off the house, grow up a bit." Liam nodded.

I was surprised that talking to him about Andy in such intimate detail didn't make me start crying. I still felt sad and missed him, but it was different now. There was a fondness to the thoughts rather than the fear and guilt that would usually arise. Anthea had been right. I had to talk with Andy and be honest with him about how I felt. As if verbalising how I felt to Andy, wherever he was in the universe, eased the guilt I was feeling. It made me realise that it wasn't wrong or selfish to seek love again. It was what made life special, sharing your life with someone else.

Liam was looking with furrowed brows. "Are you ok?" He asked.

I wondered if I should tell him what I was thinking. Would he be interested? Would it be weird for him to hear about Andy? In some ways, Andy had always been the elephant in the room. He was mentioned in passing, but other than last Friday, I hadn't told him anything meaningful about him or how I felt. He had been right when we argued, Andy was a shadow that loomed over the relationship, and that was my fault. I decided to be honest.

"Yeah, I am." I gave him a half-smile and said, "I spoke to Anthea, my mother-in-law, on Tuesday." Liam's face was unreadable. Too late to stop now. I kept going. "I wanted her to hear from me that we were dating before it was official. It turns out she already knew. She was cool about it, happy for me. I was surprised by her response, and I thought she would think it was a betrayal. But she said I should talk to Andy, and I would feel better."

Liam still wasn't showing me what he was thinking. His face was stoic. I thought again, I should stop. "Keep going," he said, his voice not much louder than a whisper.

"So I visited Andy and told him about how I was feeling. I told him about you and how I felt about you. It seemed to work like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. I felt free."

Liam was quiet for a while. I could almost see him arranging his thoughts. After a while, he said, "it seems the only one who makes you feel guilty is you."

"I think that was true, but not anymore," I said. "Are you upset I told you that? Is it... I don't know... tmi?"

Liam gave me a half-smile, "no, Lana. I'm glad you told me. I'm glad you did that. Not just for me, but for you."

"Then why were you looking at me like that?"

Liam's smile was full now. "Because I thought you were going to break my heart. Instead, you told me something private and because you wanted to. Not because I forced you or put you in a position where you had no choice. It makes me believe you may care about me as much as I care about you."

I cupped his face in my hands and looked deeply into his eyes, so he knows what I'm saying is true. "Liam, I do care about you. I don't think anyone else could have opened my heart. I was ready to go the rest of my life alone. If it weren't for you, I would never have taken those final steps to move on. For being the catalyst I needed, I will always be thankful for you and care about you."

Liam POV

Lana held my face in her hands. Her green eyes shined in the dim light of my bedroom as she spoke to me. "Liam, I do care about you. I don't think anyone else could have opened my heart. I was ready to go the rest of my life alone. If it weren't for you, I would never have taken those final steps to move on. For being the catalyst I needed, I will always be thankful for you and care about you."

My heart stopped a moment before it started to thunder in my chest. Lana so rarely bared her soul to me. She dropped hints sometimes, said little things to make me believe she could love me. But too often she was closed off when things get too intimate or too real.

She had changed so much since I first spoke to her, yet somehow she was still the same. She was kind and generous. I picked up on that early. That she was so funny and witty was something that she was slow to reveal but was a joy to watch. Watching her start to open her soul to me was beautiful. To see her courage and strength as she pushed through her grief was inspiring. That she saw enough in me to want to go through all she went through was humbling.

I loved her. I was desperate to tell her. I almost told her so many times. But my fear kept me from saying it. I didn't want to scare her off. I knew now she has to set the pace. She will be ready when she's ready and I will be there when she is.

Lana kissed me, and my body lit up. Her lips were like a match igniting a fire that travelled through my whole body. I instantly grew hard and needed her. I kissed her back, my tongue licking at her lips, urging her to open for me. When she did, I was lost, and all control left me. I needed to be in her.

My tongue entered her mouth, and her taste reminded me of apples and honey. She tasted so sweet to me. I wanted to taste her everywhere. I rolled her onto her back, reminding myself not to throw her around too roughly. She could take a lot of punishment, but I was still careful.

I sought Lana with my hands, pulling off the underwear that separated me from her. I put my hand between her legs, and my fingers parted her. I groaned when I felt how wet she was already, and I had to taste her. I moved between her legs as she opened them wide for me.

I put two fingers inside her, and my cock ached. "You're so warm, Lana," I told her, and she moaned, arching her back, her hips moving as I fucked her with my fingers. She was so responsive to my touch, and I loved watching her every movement. Her body moved in the most spectacular ways, writhing and seeking her pleasure.

I couldn't wait any longer for a taste, so leaving my fingers inside her, I let my tongue find her clit. When her taste hit my tongue, I hummed with delight. Lana's fingers slid into my hair as she pushed me into her and her hips rocked as she grinds herself on my tongue. God, she was so sexy. I wanted to stay here forever, watching her and listening to her moan. I ran my hand up her hips to her tiny waist. Feeling her hips under her soft skin was so erotic. I needed to fuck her, but she needed this first.

Lana started panting, her moans became short cries as she exhaled and I knew she didn't have long. I felt her walls close in on my fingers as she started to cry out my name, begging me not to stop. As if I would deny her this. As if I would deny her anything.

When Lana came, she was beautiful. Her eyes closed hard, her body convulsed, and her thighs trembled. Then she did this thing where she throws her head forward, and her body almost curls into a ball, and I know she's finished. Even when she's standing up she does it, I almost dropped her the first time. It's the cutest fucking thing I've ever seen.

I lapped at her one more time, taking one last taste. She shuddered and tried to close her legs, giggling. She smiled at me, and my heart melted, but my cock was in pain. I needed to have her.

I kissed her, and she licked at me, tasting herself. She drives me wild when she does that. I felt like an animal, my careful control was gone, and I pushed my cock into her. She was so wet and tight, her body moulded around my cock, taking me all in, holding me so tight I almost came.

"Fuck," I swore into her mouth. Lana bit at my lip, playful, but I knew what that meant. She wanted me, and she didn't want me to be gentle.

I wasn't gentle. There was no way I could be. She had me too worked up, and all I wanted was to own her and claim her as mine forever. I started to thrust into her, her tits bouncing as she takes all I give her. Her lips were parted, and her cheeks were red. Her hair looked like a halo of fire on the sheets. Its vibrance thrilled me. I pushed my self off her and watched as my cock pumped into her. Seeing her stretched around me, I felt my orgasm rise again. Not yet. I wasn't done with her yet. I slowed down.

"Liam," She whispered my name, and there was no stopping it. My body took on a mind of its own, driving itself to release. She cried my name again as I felt my seed rise into me, and ecstasy flowed through me as it pumped into her.

I fell on my side next to Lana and took deep breaths. She gave a hum of contentment and I pulled her into me, hugging her tightly and I felt the surge of love again. She was so beautiful and sweet but so fucking sexy. She made me feel drunk. Even moments after orgasming, I wanted her again. I put my face into her hair, smelling her sweet pomegranate shampoo. Lana hugged me back as she played with my chest hair, and I smiled, she loved to touch me there, and it felt so good when she did.

My mind wandered as she caressed me with her pretty little hands and pink fingernails. The first time she had touched my chest, she had seemed so hesitant and unsure, even looking at me for permission. It had been such a turn-on.

It had been so hard not to fuck her that first night. I did try and seduce her. I knew what effect I had on women. It's hard not to know when you're famous and have women hitting on you all the time. I think I could have, there were a few times there where if I had played my cards right she would have let me. But knowing what I know now, I'm happy I didn't. I'm sure she would have run, and I would never have seen her again.

When she did let me, she had knocked me for six when she bit me. It was almost out of nowhere, and the way she opened up to me after about her desires was amazing. We still had so much to explore, only just getting to know each other sexually. I could tell she was getting more comfortable with it. She was probably going to teach me a thing or two. That thing she did with the condom, I think I almost told her I loved her then. I chuckled.

"What are you laughing at?" Lana asked. Her accent made it sound like she said, "whadcha laughn at?" I don't know why, but her accent excited me, especially when she swore at me. Her mouth was filthy. Maybe it was the combination of her outward elegance and her potty mouth that I liked. It was such an exciting combination.

"Nothing, Sweetheart." I kissed her long neck gently and held her. She seemed to accept it and squeezed me into her.

"I love you, Lana," I said, and my heart stopped. She froze. I don't even think she was breathing. My blood was like ice as my heart started to beat again. Oh, God, I fucked up. I'm going to lose her this time. I wanted to take it back. I was such a fool. Fuck.

Then Lana found my mouth and kissed me. The warmth that spread through my body was such a relief. Her kiss held such sweetness and passion. It was the promise that I needed. She wasn't mad. She wasn't going to run away. I held her close and kissed her back. She didn't have to say it for me to know that she loved me too.

End.

[laufire]

i always appreciate the way you are upfront about not liking things sometimes purely bc it fucks with the characters or ships you're most invested in. one of the more annoying parts of fandom is their appropriating discourse terms for everything to give themselves Right and Moral Reasons for their opinions when it's obviously something else xDD

If I can promise something, is that this is something I’ll always try to do lol. I hate that kind of discourse too; it’s dishonest and it cuts short any meaningful debate I’d want to have with other fans.

On top of that, I have very strong feelings about the differences between fandom engagement and activism that get in the middle of all that lol: activism is about purposeful action, taken -ideally- after examining a situation with the goal of bringing forward change; favourite character and ships are decided with our gut feelings. Which, frankly, a lot of the time are trained NOT to be about morals.

I’m not saying there’s no worth in examining the trends of said gut feelings and wanting to move past them, because a lot of them can come from messed up places (I’m also not saying you can’t ever pass a moral judgement on a character or ship if it bothers you, but that’s another topic). But lying about them and trying to make them pass as Progressive And Revolutionary despite all evidence isn’t going to help anyone; not the person doing it and not in making fandom a more welcome and safer environment IMO.

And like. Not to get personal on tumblr dot com, but IRL, for reasons outside of my control, I’m often forced to PerformTM and put on an act in a lot of my social and class/work relationships. Fandom is my space to put all that aside for a little while, so the idea of masking my motives or summoning some kind of fake outrage or whatever else for the sake of fandom debates is just... not something I’ll ever, ever want to do. I’m exhausted just thinking about the energy it’d take lol.

[princeyandanxiety]

Yo it's NOT cinnanon ( they're cool tho if you're reading this cinnanon I like your style) Do all 97 get to know u questions pls. This meme loving pizza nacho needs to know all the answers - memeloving pizza-nacho

Well, memelord, you get all the answers for this dumb thing. You know, I WAS going to write and finish off a poor anon’s prompt which has been waiting in my inbox for like four days but nope I’m doing this.

@andy-the-anon @prinxiety-logality-sanders-sides @anxietyandlogic @mira-jadeamethyst

1. What’s your middle name?

It starts with an A and that’s all ur getting

2. What are you listening to right now?

Summer’s Coming Early by Hi I’m Case

3. What was the last thing you ate?

Instant noodles lmao I had lunch like an hour ago

4. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?

My mum to tell her that I’m not dead. That was on Thursday.

5. Do you drink?

Nope

6. Do you smoke?

Ahahahhaha I’m asthmatic heeeeell no

7. What is the first thing you noticed in someone?

When I first met one of my past crushes, I first noticed her eyes. They were super blue and pretty 

8. What is your hair color?

Strawberry blonde

9. What is your eye color?

That is a hotly debated topic among my irl friends, but we’re pretty sure it’s grey.

10. Do you wear contacts/glasses?

Glasses so my brain doesn’t die trying to correct my astigmatism lmao

11. Dogs or cats?

12. What’s your favorite animal?

I guess I like quokkas?

13. What’s your favorite television show?

That I actually watch on television? Doctor Who. That I watch online? Miraculous Ladybug.

14. What’s your favorite movie?

Brave or Moana. Or Tangled. I like my Disney Princesses.

15. What’s your favorite band/singer?

All Time Low is my fav if I had to choose

16. How old are you?

Currently 17, but I will be 18 in a few months.

17. Do you have a crush on anyone?

Nope annnnnd im starting to wonder if i ever will?

18. What’s your sexual orientation?

Bisexual. I think.

19. What’s your favorite color?

*looks around room* purple, apparently. Although i prefer wearing black or red

20. What was your most embarrassing moment?

That I can remember (and this is just that I can remember) is when I asked someone why they were down in my city for an event when they lived in Sydney. They were not the person I thought that they were, and I only realised it once we parted ways.

21. Do you ever wish you were someone else?

Yes? I usually wish to be more like my more extroverted friends.

22. What were you like when you were a kid?

I was a know it all and a nosy brat (not much has changed, then.) I also would not stop singing.

23. What would your dream house be like?

Big enough for a minimum of four people.

24. What last made you laugh?

Something that @prinxiety-logicality-sanders-sides said

25. What is your favorite word?

Adore

26. What is your least favorite word?

Régulièrement. I can’t pronounce all the damn accents fast enough for normal speech and my French teacher calls me out on it EVERY TIME I USE THE WORD.

27. What turns you on?

You know that song “every girl’s crazy about a sharp dressed man”? Yeah that. But it applies to everyone

28. What turns you off?

treating/thinking that someone doesn’t deserve the same basic human decency just because they’re different

29. What is your star sign?

Leo. Which explains my constant need for attention and validation.

30. What are your favorite books?

ANYTHING WRITTEN BY JACKIE FRENCH

31. Do you have any siblings?

An older sister. We have a love-hate relationship.

32. Do you like to dance?

Do i evER. I use to take ballet and GOD do i miss it.

33. What is your definition of cheating?

As best as I can word it, being romantically/sexually intimate with someone else without one’s partner’s consent.

34. Have you ever cheated on someone?

I haven’t even dated someone, man.

35. Do you regret anything?

I call it the Incident of Year Seven. But the more I hear about what the other person in the incident has done since then, the more glad I am that the incident ended up happening

36. Do you have any phobias?

Leeches, the nasty little shits.

37. Ever broken any bones?

Scaphoid, left wrist.

38. Ever come close to death?

Lmao no.

39. What is your religion, if any?

Catholic Christian. I was raised as one and I’m still practising, even though there’s some things that I strongly disagree with.

40. Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist?

I went to the school therapist once but that was because I’d just had a massively humiliating fight with someone.

41. Are looks important in a relationship?

Not really.

42. Are you more like your mom or your dad?

Academically, I’m more like dad, but I think I’m more socially and politically like mum.

43. What is your favorite season?

Winter. Cold but I get to rug up and wear baggy shit without overheating.

44. Do you have any tattoos?

No

45. Do you have any piercings?

Only in my ears

46. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

One. In kindergarten. Almost had one in year 9 but I’m glad it never happened because we are actually very different people.

47. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?

Absolutely. So many crushes.

48. Who is your celebrity crush?

Natasha Negovanlis

49. Are you a virgin?

Yes

50. Do you get jealous easily?

Hahahahahahahahahaha yes.

51. What is your favorite type of food?

Fruits

52. Do you ever want to get married?

Yes! The only problem is finding someone who I’d want to spend my life with and reciprocates those feelings lmao

53. Who was your first kiss with?

A guy named Alexander. It was preschool.

54. Have you ever been cheated on?

We’ve covered that I’m desperately single.

55. What is your idea of the perfect date?

Well into the relationship, go out and have a picnic/have a generally nice day and then come back home and cuddle while watching a movie/listening to music

56. Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

Introvert, absolutely.

57. Do you believe in aliens or life on other planets?

Yes.

58. What talent do you wish you’d been born with?

The talent to know how to help people.

59. What is your saddest memory?

Uuuuh in terms of sad for me, it was finding out that i was probably never going to see my cousins again when they moved to god knows where. 

60. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Nah. I think that true love needs time to develop.

61. Do you believe in soul mates?

Yes, but I also believe that you have many and they’re not really romantic.

62. Have you ever dyed your hair?

I want to so badlyyyyyyy. The moment I come back from Europe in December im dying it!

63. Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you?

Lmao I was and am boring who would want to spread a rumour about me?

64. Would you go against your moral code for money?

Depends how desperate I am for the money, and how against my moral code it is. If I’m struggling to make ends meet and it’s not like horrifically against my code I’d probably consider it.

65. What are three things most people don’t know about you?

1. I have a ref and a vent blog

2. I purposely tanked my grades for Year 8 IT because I hated my teacher

3. One of my proudest moments is making my yr 10 teacher scared of a local lookout after writing a ghost story about it.

66. Who are you jealous of?

Anyone who can easily keep their friends without putting massive distances between them.

67. Do you sleep with a stuffed toy?

Yes. I stole my teddy bear from my mum when I was a bitty Bella

68. How long was your longest relationship?

…………………….

69. Is the glass half empty or half full?

Half full

70. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

I dont know man, probably pin me to the wall and make out with me (i missed this question when i first posted this hhhhhhhhhhhhh)

71. Who is your most loyal friend?

Toss up between C, A, D or Ellie. C, A, and Ellie because they’ve put up with a LOT of my shit haha, and D bc he’s my longest friend that I still talk to

72. Are you in a relationship?

NO

73. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

AHHHHH

74. Are you a bad person?

I like to believe that I’m a good person. I try to be.

75. Are you a lover or a fighter?

I’m more of a lover mostly because I can’t fight lmao.

76. What did you do on your last birthday?

I had a sleepover with my group! We ate a lot of lollies and had not-so deep and meaningful convos

77. What is your favorite quote and why?

“You have a brain the size of a peanut and a social clue the size of a grain of sand” - My best friend, about some ‘friends’ giving her shit abt being Christian. It’s so scathing and done. 

78. If your best friend died, what would you do?

Cry. A lot. Because holy crap I love them a lot and they’ve done so much for me and helped me be so much more confident in myself. … i’m gonna go tell them that.

79. If you had to go back in time and change one thing, what would it be?

NOT BURNING THE LIBRARY OF ALEXANDRIA. I AM *SO FUCKING MAD* ABOUT THAT

80. If you only had 24 hours to live, what would you do?

Spend it with all of the people I love.

81. What is the strangest dream you’ve ever had?

I woke up crying because I had a dream that I’d missed a maths class.

82. Are you happier single or in a relationship?

Idk man

83. Who were you in a past life?

Idk. Someone who wasn’t happy with the life they got and always wished to be more than they ended up being.

84. What is your happiest childhood memory?

An end-of-primary-school sleepover I had with my three closest friends at the time.

85. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

HOO BOY HAVE I EVER. Yes.

86. Have you ever had an imaginary friend?

Noooot really?

87. If you were the president, what would you do?

Take all spending away from military and give it to education.

88. What is your ideal career?

Chemist with a translator gig on the side and flies planes on weekends.

89. What is your political affiliation?

Uuuuh to the left i believe? Like socialist? I support a lot of Bernie Sanders’ policies

90. Are you conservative or liberal?

According to my mother, liberal

91. Is the male or female body closest to perfection?

Niether. People are gross.

92. Do you like kissing in public?

Pass.

93. If you could change one thing in the world, what would you change?

The distribution of wealth.

94. Where would you like to live?

Probably somewhere in France or Europe.

95. Where would you go on your dream vacation?

Somewhere fairly cold and remote.

96. Describe yourself in one word.

Difficult.

97. Describe yourself in one sentence.

Mumbling mathematical sometimes guilty for no reason mess who simultaneously wants to have all the friends and be left alone.

HOO BOY I’M DONE AND I HATE YOU ALL